#i was stuck in bus with 40+ kids and we all had the window up so it was muggy and sweaty as f

[a-chicken-with-adhd]

I love North Carolina. It can turn from a hot muggy 90⁰ day to massive thunderstorm with tornado watch right behind your school with hail and massive flooding and fallen branches and damaged power lines, back to a nice 70⁰day!

Photo I grabbed right before it started raining badly.

[incidentalcomics]

The Making of ONE BOY WATCHING

Did you ride the bus to school? What do you remember about it? What did you see? How did you feel as a passenger? These questions were the starting point for my new picture book ONE BOY WATCHING, published this week by Chronicle Books. Riding the bus was an experience that felt both personal and universal - a perfect subject for a story.

I rode Bus Number Four from Kindergarten through 10th grade. From my neighborhood on the edge of a Kansas suburb, the bus took me past fields and farms on country roads to my small-town school. At times, the school bus was a place of commotion and chaos. The long ride was sometimes boring. But it was also an opportunity to watch and reflect on the world outside the window.

As a quiet kid, I was most content looking out at the passing landscape, daydreaming. On cool autumn mornings the windows fogged and dripped with dew, which I wiped away to better see the scenery. Looking, counting, and imagining were ways to pass the time, but they also helped deepen the experience of wonder I felt at seeing the trees, fields, farmhouses, and wildflowers of rural Kansas.

I used my lifelong habit of observation and reflection to create ONE BOY WATCHING. I wrote down my memories, good and bad, of riding the bus to school through the Kansas countryside. The time we got stuck in a muddy ditch and had to get picked up by another bus. All the times a long train made us late for class. The nice seatmates and the not-so-nice ones. The loud teenagers in the back. The ever-changing soundtrack: upbeat 90s pop, sad old country music, moody alternative rock. And outside, the ever-changing Kansas weather, as varied as the music.  

In an effort to immerse myself in the experience of a childhood bus ride, I even made a playlist of songs I remember from 107.3 KKRD, Wichita's Top 40 radio.

In planning the illustrations ONE BOY WATCHING, I got to retrace my old bus route with camera and sketchbook in hand. I would pull over next to a field of rusty tractors or a patch of roadside sunflowers and sketch or snap a photo. It must have looked strange to any passing cars. From my sketchbooks, I was able to capture small, realistic touches to deepen the world of the book.

The iconic yellow-orange American school bus was a joy and challenge to draw. The bus itself became a character in the story, bumping down dirt roads and stopping to load and unload. One of the most difficult parts of making ONE BOY WATCHING was correctly drawing all the details of the flat-nosed Blue Bird bus: keeping the proper number of windows on each side, noting the exact placement of lights and mirrors, and matching seats with bus riders from page to page.

I spent a morning at the Mulvane, Kansas bus barn sketching and taking reference photos. I can confirm the vinyl seats still smell the same way they did thirty years ago. And there’s still not quite enough leg room for a tall person.

All the details help create a convincing picture book world, though I did have to create an impossible Escher-esque interior for the scene of all the kids inside the bus. Please don’t try to match up the seats and windows on that one! Still, I think it captures the energy of a full bus as it approaches its destination.

To be a passenger is to be an observer. To be a keen observer is the first step to becoming an artist. I think the long morning rides of reflection helped lead me to my career as an author and illustrator. And they helped pave the way for one book about one boy, watching.

Thanks to all the people who helped make this book possible. My wife Kayla is a tireless supporter of my work and an astute first reader. My twin brother Gavin gave feedback along the way and shared some of his bus memories (though I didn't include him in the book, as I would have had to make it TWO boys watching). My agent Judy Hansen is a great support for my career and a sounding board for my far-flung ideas. And my editor Ariel Richardson helped guide the book from its early stages, encouraging my art and writing explorations throughout the process. I hope ONE BOY WATCHING finds its way into the hands and hearts of bus riders past, present, and future.

For more about my experience creating ONE BOY WATCHING, listen to my interview on The Yarn podcast with Travis Jonker. And I'm excited to launch the book with a storytime at Watermark Books next month!

[pbandjesse]

It became fall all of a sudden again. It is very chill tonight. There is a brisk breeze coming in from the cracked window. And that's nice. I think it will help me sleep.

I actually did sleep good last night. I put a sleep mask on and that helped but that always makes my eyes feel gummy in the morning. So mixed results.

I think I am getting sick though. The bridge of my nose hurts and last time that happened I had a sinus infection. So with the bridge of my nose pain and the pain in my mouth, I think I am getting sick.

So I was still very stressed about today. But the nice thing I had to focus on was it was Jamess birthday!! And while they don't love their birthday I love them and I'm so glad they are here.

I did forget about it until we were dressed and in the car. I looked over at them and was like. !!! Birthday!! And apparently Jess was the first one to say it followed by Charlotte. Hilarious.

James would take me to the museum before they went to get our oil changed. Which ended up being a whole morning activity. It took 4 hours!! I felt horrible that they had to sit there when they could have been biking. On their birthday!! Ugh.

The plan was for James to come back for me later. And they would. But I was frustrated that they didn't get to do the things they had wanted.

I would have a pretty good day though. I let Jessica know I wasn't doing 100%. But I would be fine overall. I am doing pretty good holding it together. My head just hurts and I get tired quick. So I was slightly worried about my last tour of the day. But then Jessica said I didn't have to do it. The group went form 40 to 10 and so I didn't have to feel bad and could just focus on my two programs.

And the group I had was so sweet. They were really good kids. I got them off the bus and we headed to the assembly line pretty fast.

I was alone with them (and their chaperones) and we got to work.

We had laughs. And people asking me what their jobs were even though I kept saying not to do that. But they all worked hard and it was a good time.

And then it was time for lunch. We did make a 5 minutes stop in the car. Got some pictures. And I dropped them off so I could take a little break. I read an article on my phone and ate my nachos. It turned out my watch was wrong a lot. So I gave them a 5 minute warning to soon. But it's all good. I should replace my watch batteries soon.

The cannery went really well. They were really engaged and so I had fun asking and answering my questions. And the flow was good. Gaby was D and she has a great yell so that was funny. And Cindy and Michael continued to learn all the pieces of the cannery. And I think it was a really successful day.

James was still stuck at the dealership through the end of my cannery. But then the car was done and they headed to the museum.

Once my kids left I went to help with oysters. There was so weirdness when one of my coworkers was making cans? We don't need cans to be made. And she didn't seem to understand us when we said that and she just kept saying we needed more cans. So I texted Jessica and she was like. What. And came up. And it turned out she was really just fixing the messed up cans. So it was fine.

I helped her take some apart and fix them or repurpose them as best we could. I got frustrated with one of our hot glue guns because it was dripping and I got a blister on my fingertip. Which was infuriating to me. I hate getting burnt. It makes me feel stupid.

But then it was 2. And James was there to get me. I checked in with Jessica. She told me of I felt worse tomorrow to take the day off. But I think I'll be okay to power through.

James was a little frustrated. With the oil taking 4 hours. Not getting to bike. So I encouraged them to do so. We would drive home. I would get changed to lay down. And James would go bike.

I slept pretty hard. And I felt a little weird when I got up. But then James was there. They went to shower before joining me on bed for a while. Before I had to get up and got dressed for Jamess birthday dinner.

We went to their parents place to meet them before we walked to busboys and poets for dinner. Charlotte would join us eventually. She was the assistant coach for their powder puff football game. They won. Congrats. And we had a pretty nice dinner.

I texted with Jess. She said I should get falafel. This was a good call and was excellent. And while I think there was so issue with Anne and Tucker hearing me, the conversation was still nice and I had a good time. I am glad we celebrated my James.

I did give James the little gifts I got them. A knock of pair of their fancy gloves. A book about baseball plays in 1969. And a whole pack of personalized iron on tags with their name and phone number so if they lose things they will get them back easier.

We walked back to the cars. And me and James gave hugs all around. We saw stray cats. Probably not the one that bit me. But they were cute.

We came home and had pumpkin pie. James started laundry. And I worked on carving stamps. It has been a nice night.

I am ready to sleep though. I am feeling tired but am trying to not feel sick. Though I can feel it in my chest.

I hope you all are feeling okay. Take care of yourself. I love you all.

[letswrites]

what about feeling homesickness and Calum comforting her?

thaxxx! i changed a bit, hope you like ❤

Home

He was standing in front of her house, it's was a fresh end of the afternoon in LA, with a cool wind and a pink-shaded sunset. He had a cigarette between his fingers in one hand and the other one was resting at his side after he knocked on the door. She opened and locked it with her key "night" he checked his iPhone '5:57 pm' "almost night. And you are gorgeous. As always" "thanks, you are too" she directed her gaze to the cigarette quickly, but not quickly as he dropped it onto the ground and stubbed his foot in it. She hated when he smoked. "thought you were going to quit" "I will" "yeah and I will fly away from this damn city" "what is wrong with LA?" "It isn't home" he knew she missed her hometown, Milwaukee, and he also knew she had duties in LA and she knew that too "babe..." "It's alright" she breathed deeply before look at her boyfriend and smile "thought we were going, huh?" "Yeah, sure, let's go" "let's go" he took her hand in his empty one and they walked to her car. She had a glowing conversible candy apple red 1966 Ford Mustang that Calum was never allowed to drive "why I cannot drive?" "You know why" "oh, come on. It's old shit, honey" "no! Almost kill me isn't 'old shit'" "was an accident and you just broke an ankle" "A leg" she sat on the driver's seat and he watched how good she looked in the sunset "hey!" She snapped her fingers "aren't you coming in?" "fuck! Sorry. it's your fault!" he jumped into the car and put on the seat belt "I will not apologize for you having a terrible sense of beauty" she had low self-esteem sometimes "my sense of beauty is perfect" he leaned closer and cupped her face "just as you" "you are perfect" she smiled and pulled his neck to a passionate kiss. A calm and warm, but passionate kiss "but, seriously babe, let me drive" "no!" she turned on the engine, adjusted the mirror and backed up the car from the driveway without taking her gaze from the mirrors "that's how you back up the car with safety" he groaned, throwing his head back "It happened once! And it was an accident" "I know, just recalling" she winked and made the way for the downtown.

Last year, before they started dating, she asked Calum to back the car out of the driveway, but he did it without looking in the mirrors, according to himself "who the fuck know the right side of pen drives?" and ran over her. Accidently, of course. For luck, she just broke a leg and he took care of her, and due it, they become closer. "You know, there're some bad things that happen for good reasons" "I thought we were done with this subject" he squeezed her right hand "if I haven't given all my attention to the damn pen drive and ran over you, maybe we'd not become closer as we did" "yeah... fine, I will let you drive" she parked the car left the driver's seat "move on, Cal!" he stood up and gave her a deep and quick kiss before sat down in the driver seat and squeeze the beige leather steering wheel "I love you" "love you too, but now I'm fucking dying to know where we're going" "you were driving and I have to know?!" "yes, Mr. driver" she teased, he giggled "fine. Know a place" "good".

*

They were on a road that she didn't recognize "Calum" "my name" he loved when she said his name "where are we going?" "It's a surprise" "oh no. Please, don't do this to me" "sorry, babe. I didn't make the rules" "which rules?" they laughed together "okay" she turned on the radio and tried to connect with some decent station "fuck" "you know you can use your pen drive, right?" she had taken the pen drive off the car "not with you in the wheel" you know, just for caution. he rolled his eyes and she finally connected with some Latin radio station

'Once de la noche y todavía no contesta'

'Un de la mañana y todavía no hay respuesta'

"Oh, no! No way!" "What?" "I am not bilingual like you" "and...?" "Not listening to something I do not understand" "so are you graduated in Korean now?" "No..."

'Cómo hacerte entender...'

he swallowed dryly a little "don't know what are you talking about" "no? What about that time you got drunk and sang out loud BTS's songs, huh?" "Only the English parts! Now just change it" "but it's Maluma!" he looked at her without blinking and pouted "fine" he smiled like a kid

'... eres muy bonita pa' llorar por el...'

She changed the radio station once more and found a random one

'Day to night to morning, keep with me in the moment

I’d let you had I known it, why don’t you say so?'

"You got to be kidding me" she giggled "I hate this song!" "I know" she kept laughing

'You got to keep me focused, you want it? Say so'

"Just turned it off" "oh, but I like it" Calum turned off the radio "no songs for you" "hey, that's my car! Spent lots of money on it" "But I am driving" "don't make me feel more regret than I already am" he laughed and leaned quickly to kiss her cheek "hey, Cal" "hum?" "I am bored" "you're acting like a fucking kid" "no. I am a fucking kid" "well, it's not a long ride. We'll be there soon" "where is 'there'?" "Nice try, nice try" she pouted and laid her head on the window so she could stargaze and think about how lucky she is to had been run over by the man driving at her side. She was so so in love with him.

*

Flashback:

Some friends had texted her. Bon Jovi was going to be in town and they have two tickets more. They gave it to her of course expecting she'd invite that guy she hanged out a few times, definitely her new crush. Calum. Such a beautiful name 'thanks Roy' he had introduced them. For some miracle, she got the guts to invite him.

[4:28pm]

'Be here at 6pm'

[5:17pm]

'Your place is so far from where I am now'

'You can drive my car'

'will be there in 40 minutes'

She grinned, shook her head lightly and blocked her phone to finish her makeup 'he will never desire me' she thought even knowing she will try to impress him anyways. Was 5:55pm when he arrived "I have exactly 2 minutes in advantage" "you made it, next time I will let you have a rest" "thanks" he pecked her cheek out of breath "are you ok?" "Yes, you are just breathtaking" he laughed "oh, I am not" "yes, you're. Always" she blushed "thanks" "you're welcome. Can I have a glass of water? The bus stop is far from here, you know?" "Yeah, sure come in". She gave him a glass of water and dropped on the sofa "thanks" "how can I refuse water for someone? Especially someone like you" he arched an eyebrown "someone like me?" "Yeah" "how is someone like me?" he dropped next to her "ridiculously healthy" "oh" he giggled "thanks. I really appreciate" "so, where were you?" "someone is interested in where I was" he teased, she rolled er eyes "you love annoy me, don't you?" "And you still have to ask? Anyhow, I was hanging with a friend" "'hanging with a friend' means banging with a girl?" "What?!" He started laughing "are you jealous or something?" "No..." She blushed "just trying to know you better" "so why are you blushing?" "I..." "Relax, I was with Luke. He is planning a trip to our home country with Ash and Mikey too. So we went out to lunch, but he lives far from here..." her body relaxed and she smiled "Australia is very nice" "is the best place in the world" "yeah, except the fact that is not Minnesota" he laughed "keep dreaming, kid" "I am two months older than you" "whatever, ms. jealousy" "'m not jealous!" "you looked so relieved when I said I was with Luke" "I didn't" "it's ok, I already admitted to myself that my love life is a joke anyways" "I bet it's not true" "trust me, it is" "thought you were the kind of guy that spent the night in 3 parties and in this 3 parties, hook up with at least 2 girls. At the same time" he laughed out loud "oh, honey, I used to be that guy, and now I am feeling very proud of myself" she giggled "why you are not that guy anymore?" He cleaned his throat "well, I met this lady, some months ago, and now all I do is think on her. I made out with someone a few days ago and couldn't finish the job, because was thinking on her" 'wow that hurted' "wow... You should be with this girl right now, not with me" he looked at her, 'unfreakingbelievable' "I literally made an hour and a half trajectory in 40 minutes to go in a concert just to be in your company cause' honestly I am not going to this concert because I want to see old Jon Bon Jovi sing 'bed of roses' and take ladies to Heaven..." she giggled "why do you think I did that?" "'Cause you're an idiot" he grinned "you are right, I should be with the my romantic interest" she frowned a little and they just stayed looking inside each other's eyes for a minute "I-I think we should go" it felt like he raped her with his gaze "are you ok?" "I dunno" "alright, tell me if you will need an ambulance" "okay" "so, where is that bad boy keys?" she chuckled "here" she gave to Calum the key "please, be careful" "my middle name is safety" "really? I thought was Tomas" "details, details". They were on the driveway ready to go when she saw Ginger, her cat, with the paw stuck in the water drainage grid "oh! wait a minute" she left the car "what's wrong?" "My cat. you can back the car while I help Ginger?" "no problem. Am I allowed to listen some music, too?" "Sure. The pen drive is in the glove compartment" "'kay". she ran to Ginger to help her little baby "my God, love, I am here" Calum grabbed the pen drive in the glove compartment and started back the car slowly without looking in the mirrors "well, it's done, Ginger. You are free now" she freed her cat that ran back to the roof. Calum was fighting with the pen drive's USB entrance "why I never put that shit on the right side?" and he forgot that he was backing the car. She turned to went back to the car or they would be late and all she could see was the car's trunk colliding with her hip. When he stopped the

car she was already on the floor. She definitely needed that ambulance now.

He took her to the hospital and then back to her place. He locked the front door and she dropped onto the sofa, now with a broken leg "that was the last time you drove my car" "you're sure?" he joined her on the sofa "you will need someone to help you during the next two weeks" "I have other friends..." "So we are still friends?" "Yes" "I am sorry for ran over you" "yeah, be mad with you will not change what happened" "it's because of this that I will be the one who will take care of you. Remember? My middle name is carefulness" "Wasn't safety?" "Is a long full name, see? Calum Safety-Careful Tomas Hood" "hum, I don't think so" they laughed "sorry, again" "stop apologizing and start looking for a driver costume" "I will not do that" "why not? Would be so sexy" she bit her bottom lip "you think?" "You are already sexy so..." "I'm" they laughed "okay, you don't need a costume, but I will need help in the shower, instead" "I will love to help you with the shower" "I was thinking in call Roy" "call Roy?!" he looked a little angry "you should see your face. And I am the jealous one here" "well, I just maybe, just very very maybe am into you" she smiled and blushed a little "I am into you too" "you are saying that only because do not get turned on by Jon Bon Jovi tonight" she laughed "And you are saying this only because you ran over my leg" he turned his grin to a line "No. I really mean it" "me too" she bit her bottom lip and he smiled again "but… unfortunately, you are not literally into me" "not for too long" soon the distance between them became minimum and in a blink of eye, they kissed. They kissed like already did that for years, like their lips met each other already before, even being the first time. Calum laid her back on the sofa and things started to get hotter, soon her Bon Jovi's tank top flew across the living room. She broke the kiss "what are you doing?" "I am trying to make up, because of the concert. Do you mind?" she smiled "you really know how to fix up the things" and they kissed again, now his black tee was off and...

*

"Honey, 're you alright?" Calum took her off the flashback "oh, yes. Was thinking in the first time we fucked" he laughed "so delicate" "sorry, the first time we 'made love'" "uh, that was bad" she laughed "thanks for ran over me, by the way" "only you for thanks the idiot that ran over you" "well, you are an idiot, but you are my idiot" "possessive" but he was hers and he loved that "oh, shut up" he laughed "so, was thinking in the week after your leg was better, huh?" "That wasn't the first time we fucked" "It was" "no, we fucked after you took me home in the night it happened" "no, no. I fucked you that night and I thought we had fucked, but three weeks later I discovered that I was wrong" "I am not..." "The way you move, babe, when you were with the broken leg wasn't sex with you, was sex for you" she laughed "It should be a compliment?" "Yes. And a good one" "well, in that case, thank you very much" she directed her gaze back to the sky and he looked at her, he was so in love

*

About 30 minutes later, Calum was taking the exit on the road to Santa Monica, she had read that in a sign. "Santa Monica!" "yup" "the pier?" "Yes" "oh, you know I love a pier, is…" "…so romantic" she laughed at him pretending to be her "but, we are not here specifically because of the pier" "so why?" "You will see" "please, stop. It's killing me" "oh, you're such a drama queen" he parked the car and turned off the engine "let's go". He tugged her to the amusement park "that's so exciting! what are we gonna do?" "fucking kid" she giggled "we'll play hockey" "what?!" he guided her to the Playland Arcade "that's..." she was confused that couldn't even talk "there's a lot..." "air hockey tables? yes" "but..." "Look, I know that do not have ice and is not real hockey, but I thought you'd enjoy" he rubbed the side of his neck "hockey remembers you home, right?" she had some water on her eyes and a true smile "I would like everything since it came from you" he smiled and flipped the disk "so, let's see if the Milwaukee girl still in flames" "you definitely know nothing about Winsconsin"

*

She won, of course "Badgers rocked your ass Aussie boy!" as she said, and they decided to rest on the pier, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her body "that was lovely" "me losing or your very kind comment about it?" she giggled "no. You remembered the air hockey here and tried to diminish my homesickness" "I understand how bad it is" "thank you" "no, thank you" "for what?" "To be with me, to love me, I was taking the wrong way before met you, you know?" "Well, shout out to Roy" "shout out to Roy" he repeated and they laughed "I was thinking in buy a ticket for you. To go home for a few days..." she looked into his eyes "what do you think?" "don't" she said smoothly "you sure? I have been saving money to paying the first tax to a car mortgage, but it can wait..." "No, Cal. Buy your car" "but you miss home" "yes, I miss it, but..." she cupped his face "I have you here and I realized... my home is you" he smiled and dipped to kiss her. She rested her head back on his shoulder and watched the moonlight reflecting in the ocean "and you are mine" he whispered against her hair. she smiled and enjoyed his company, she was so in love with him and he was so in love with her.

suggested playlist:

[justgillespie]

Missing (3/?)

Summary: Your next door neighbor, Luke Patterson (a.k.a. your longtime crush) has gone missing, and you think you could help finding him.

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: None!

Author’s note: So the third part just needed to be edited and now here it is! When I said as soon as possible, I meant it lol xo

Part 4

•

“This better be good. I was in the middle of a game-.”

“I have news”

At last, you decided to call Max first.

“I have one of the band members’ phone number.” You added.

“What?! How?”

“My sister gave it to me. Long story. Should I call now?”

“Well, yes obviously!”

“Okay, okay I’m on it. I’ll call you later.”

You finally dialed the number and patiently waited.

“Hello?” You heard a male’s voice.

“Hello, um...” It wasn’t until that moment that you realized: you didn’t know who you were calling, exactly.

You decided to improvise.

“Is Alex home?”

“Alex?”

The confused voice made you panic.

“What about Reggie?”

The silence made you add “Bobby?”

“Sorry, wrong number.”

The man hung up before you could say anything else.

You groaned.

I’m gonna get so pissed if Tamra was playing with me, you thought, but you wanted to believe that that was not the case.

“What if Tamra wrote a wrong number?”

Max asked once you called him back and explained what happened.

“Don’t think so. She told me the guy gave it to her.”

“Maybe he wrote it wrong.”

“I don’t know.” You sighed. “I guess we’ll just call it a night. See you tomorrow.”

He said goodbye back and you hung up.

“So? How did it go?” Tamra asked from the couch, when you were heading to the kitchen.

“It was a wrong number. Were you just making fun of me?”

She scoffed. “I’m not that bored. No. That was the number he gave me. Maybe he changed it.”

“Thanks anyways.”

You went to grab a popsicle from the freezer and went to your room.

The only idea stuck on your head was to go to the Patterson’s. And you knew pretty well there wasn’t much they could give you. The other idea was to convince Max to stop being complicated and just ask people in his school about the band.

You would go for the second one. You rapidly came up with a plan, and the next morning, you were ready.

Max woke up pretty early for school because he took the school bus, around the corner.

That morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier than usual (and before anyone else), got ready as fast as you could, and, in a blink, you were next to a sleepy Max in the bus stop.

“What the-? What are you doing here?” He asked once he saw you.

“Going to school. With you.”

“Are you asleep? You do know we don’t go to the same school, right?”

“Oh, I know.”

You faced the street in front of you, pretending to wait for the bus.

“First of all, I barely believe you will get away with getting into my school. And second of all, why would you want to go?”

“Because if you don’t wanna talk to your classmates about Luke, then I will.”

“You can’t be serious.” He said, just when the bus was turning the corner to their street.

“You better believe I am.”

The bus stopped in front of them and you decided to take a step ahead Max and get into the bus, but he stopped you on the steps.

“Y/N.” He said laughing nervously. “You can’t go to my school, that’s insane.”

“Kids, come on. I don’t have all day.” The bus driver said from his seat.

“Then talk to people! We can finish this as soon as possible if you at least try!” You talked despite the man’s warning.

“Oh my gosh! Why do you insist so much?!”

“Are you serious?! We’re talking about a missing person!”

“I’m leaving.” The bus driver said, and you took one more step before Max stopped you again.

“Fine. Fine! I’ll do it. Okay? Just, please stop this and go to YOUR school.”

You squealed and hugged him, and you finally left after thanking him.

Your heart was still racing even after you silently entered your house from the backdoor and you rested against it. You sighed, a laugh in between. You did not know what would have you done if your plan didn’t work. Maybe you were trusting Max too much. He could’ve just said he would do it for you to leave the bus.

But your optimistic self didn’t mind that thought.

You went back to your room, and as soon as you lied back down on your bed, your usual alarm went off. You stopped it. You were ready anyways, so a little bit more of sleep didn’t harm anyone.

Except yourself.

You fell asleep and you didn’t hear your parents calling you until your mom went up to wake you up.

“Y/N-.”

You snapped your eyes open.

“I’m so sorry! I’m going downstairs now, I’m all dressed, I-.”

“You’re not going. Your sister already left.”

You checked your alarm clock. It was 7:57. You always left at 7:40.

“I can’t believe her sometimes. I told her to come call you. It was weird you were still asleep.” Your mom rubbed her temples. Then, she looked back at you. “Your dad and I are going to work now. You’ll stay here, okay? And go to the Pattersons’ for lunch. I’ll call Emily.”

“Mom, I can cook for myself.” If calling Nito’s Pizzeria counted as cooking. “You don’t have to bother Mrs. Patterson.”

“You’re going.” She demanded. “I’ll see you later, okay? Take care.”

She kissed your forehead and left the room.

Well, you had a lot of free time now.

You smiled. This was good. You could continue your investigation.

You got up ready to get started but then you realized. You didn’t know what to do. You still counted on Max to get the important information. And unlike you, he did go to school. You had plenty of time before he came back.

You lied back down on your bed, looking at the ceiling.

You were going to the Pattersons’ house.

You knew you weren’t gonna get out of there with much information but, maybe there will be something...

You got up and opened your window.

Luke’s room was the same as the last time you checked it. Which was last night. Now, it was neat. You figured Mrs. Patterson must have cleaned it.

You focused on the Sunset Curve poster. Why was it so hard to find any of them? If only you could see his room a little closer, maybe you could find something there that could help you.

His room.

A smile slowly appeard on your face.

You were going to Luke’s house today. Maybe you could ask Mrs. Patterson to check his room...

You shook your head. That was something weird to ask. Even if you had good intentions. At least you had the first step done, which was going to his house.

You decided to show up earlier than expected, hoping Mrs. Patterson didn’t mind.

“Oh, hi, sweetie!” Emily said when she opened her door. She was clearly surprised.

She looked tired, but still managed to have a smile on her face.

“Good morning, Mrs. Patterson. I hope it’s okay I come earlier than my mom told you I would”

It was just 8:30. You weren’t supposed to be there until four hours later.

“Oh, no, it’s totally fine! It’s nice to have some company. Come in.” She motioned for you to get into the house and so you did.

You looked around, curious. It was a really nice household.

“Mitch goes to work early and I stay here pretty much all day until he comes back. So I’m really glad you’re here.” She smiled at you again. “I was actually now deciding what should I make for lunch. Does lasagna sound good to you?”

“Sounds perfect.” You smiled back at her. “Do you need any help with that?”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You make yourself comfortable. Oh, and for dessert I was thinking that maybe we could bake some cookies?”

You immediately gave her a big smile and Mrs. Patterson chuckled.

“I think I have my answer. I’ll call you to make the dough once I’m finished with lunch, okay? You can turn on the tv if you want to. I’ll be right there.” She pointed the kitchen.

You thanked her before she left.

So, you were there. You were at Luke’s house. The next step was to get into his room. You could sneak in but, would that be fair to Mrs. Patterson, who’s been super sweet to you? But how were you supposed to ask to get into her son’s room?

You bit your thumbnail.

But you were there already. You couldn’t just lose that opportunity.

You visualized some framed photos around the living room and you took one with your hands to see it closer. It was Luke, when he was a baby. You smiled and felt embarrassed for being excited about baby pictures of a boy who you barely knew.

You shook your heard. Remember rule number 1, you thought.

Still, you couldn’t help but keep watching the rest.

There weren’t many in sight. They probably kept way more in photo albums. If you didn’t know that Luke had some issues with his parents (and you didn’t until a few nights ago), you could’ve never tell there was something going on. In every single picture, Luke wore a beautiful smile. He seemed happy. And not only in the pictures.

He looked happy when he was singing, when he was playing the guitar, when he said hi to you on his way to who-knows-exactly-where...

Of course, it could be quite suspicious the fact that he wasn’t home most of the time. But still. How many times did he probably come out of his house after a fight with his mom, and still managed to pretend that anything happened?

He’s been suffering by himself.

It was then when you noticed the flyers on the sofa. A picture of Luke was plastered on it, with the word “Missing” on top of it.

Your heart skipped a beat. You forgot your mom said they were hanging flyers if Luke didn’t come back yesterday. You felt the urge to shred them and throw them away.

He will be back. You will find him.

You left the living room and made your way to the kitchen.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” Mrs. Patterson asked when she saw you. She was boiling something on the stove.

“Everything’s perfect, Mrs. Patterson. Thanks again, for letting me come.”

“Oh, it’s okay, really. You’re always welcome.” She smiled at you and went back to stirring whatever was in her cooking pot. “Your mom told me you fell asleep.”

“Yeah... I was a little extra tired today.”

She chuckled. “I understand. At least you set your own alarm and get ready by yourself. I have to fight Luke to just wake up. And don’t get me started on getting him out of bed.”

You chuckled, not adding anything else. The moment was very fragile, and you didn’t want to say anything wrong.

“You do dance, right?” She asked then.

You nodded, thinking that maybe your mom told her something about that too.

“I figured. Of course, Sandra told me something but it’s easy to tell you’re a dancer by the way you’re standing.”

You smiled shyly, knowing what she meant. You were standing in a nice third position, ironically, because dancers your age don’t even use that position.

You talked about your dance experience and after a while, you both were just talking about everything. You felt at ease with Mrs. Patterson pretty quickly. She just made it feel that way. You helped her making the lasagna, after all, and after putting it into the oven, you both started making the cookie dough.

“I usually bake with my sister. We both have a sweet tooth.” You commented, cracking two eggs into the bowl Mrs. Patterson had in front of her.

“Oh, me too. Dessert is completely mandatory in this house. A rule that I made, of course.” Mrs. Patterson said and you laughed.

“I should make a similar rule in my house. We only have dessert on birthdays or holidays.”

“I encourage you to do so.” She chuckled, mixing with a whisk the batter in her bowl.

She then asked you to hand her the vanilla and baking powder.

“You guys seem close.” She said, still mixing in her bowl. “You and Tamra.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess.” You leaned your head. “It’s just been harder to hang out ever since the start of this year. It’s her senior year.” You said, although you thought she might’ve known that already. “But I guess I get it. I’m sure she just wants to enjoy her friends before going to college. Her family will always be here but her school friends won’t. She’s going to Berkeley, by the way.”

You thought about it, but you didn’t mention how glad you were she didn’t want to leave the state. You didn’t want your parents to transform Tamra’s room on a gym (something they never actually talked about, but you saw it on a movie).

Mrs. Patterson added the flour and she let you add the chocolate chips, before mixing again.

“Sandra told me so, I’m really glad... here. You can start to shape them into little balls. I’ll grease the stray.” You obeyed and she also did her task. “How old is Tamra, by the way?”

“She’s turning nineteen in a few weeks. She failed first grade, so she’s a year behind.” You explained, as soon as you saw the confusion in Mrs. Patterson’s face.

“Really?”

“Yeah... back then they just came from Texas due to my parents’ job, so they were with lots of stuff like bringing all of their belongings, they also had to work and on top of all that, they had to take care of Tamra. They didn’t want her to grow up with a nanny, so they would take her with them everywhere. She would ditch school a lot, and therefore she didn’t have a great time at exams.” You placed several dough balls in the tray.

“I think that’s pretty sweet. There are kids that grow up with practically strangers and then go against their parents for that.”

“Mhmm.”

She took the tray and put it in the freezer.

It was 12 p.m. when you both sat on the table and had lunch.

“Your mom... told me about what you’re doing. That you’re helping to find Luke.”

Your heart raced. And you thought that maybe she noticed the panic in your eyes, because she rapidly added something else.

“I just wanted to say thank you, Y/N. Because... I know you guys weren’t close. I don’t think I ever even saw you talking but... you’re still doing this, and I can’t thank you enough. And I just wanted to say that if you need anything, don’t hesitate on calling me.”

She had tears in her eyes which immediately softened your heart, and made you tear up too.

You squeezed her hand.

You knew she said all of this for two reasons. She meant it, but she also knew you were just a sixteen year old, after all. You were aware of that too. How much could you possibly do? But you were willing to do anything. Even when the adults around you didn’t exactly believe you could.

“Just promise me you won’t forget about school or dance while you’re at it. That you will take care and will not go through this alone.”

“I promise.”

She had a doubtful look on her face for a moment, but at last, she spoke. “You know, we haven’t talked to the police yet. But I think we might soon. I just... I didn’t want to call them because I know Luke is safe. I know he’s smart enough to go somewhere he’ll be okay. But he hasn’t come back. And I just can’t help but be worried. I wanna see him. I wanna talk to him. I know he might be in a friend’s house. I suspect it might be someone from his band... Oh!” She sobbed. “I just wish I supported him more. I wish I was more interested on the people he was seeing. Maybe that way we could’ve found him already...”

You got up to hug her from behind, around the shoulders, while she stayed on her seat. “It’s not your fault, Mrs. Patterson. When he comes back, you’ll have another chance. I promise I’ll do anything I can to help you get that second chance. Maybe you won’t even need to call the police.”

“Oh, dear.” She hugged your arms. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

You then pulled back and went to your seat.

“What a mess.” Emily chuckled, cleaning her face with a kitchen cloth. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You looked like you needed it.”

She nodded. “I really did. Thank you.”

A comfortable silence grew between the two of you after that conversation, while you finished your food.

“Mrs. Patterson, actually, I was thinking on asking you something...”

“Sure, sweetheart, what is it?”

Your heart pounded against your chest again. You were doing this.

“I just wanted to know if... if I could check Luke’s room? It’s all for the investigation, I promise I’m not a creep.”

For your surprise, she chuckled, and then looked down for a second.

“Luke really didn’t like people getting into his room... but I guess this could be an exception. It is a peculiar situation, anyways.”

[troop-scoop]

Mistakes & Regrets XVIII

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (like, a really slow burn)

Warnings: Swearing probably, memory (In italics), a firearm.

• • •

“Dad, I’ve got it!” You told him, making him step back. For someone who was almost always dependent on your parents for everything, you could be stubborn and self assured. 

Will only shook his head, the protective earphones over his head, while the instructor showed you how to hold the gun in your hands. “I still don’t like this.” He told Thomas when he walked into the next room where he and Daniel were sitting by the bulletproof glass to watch you.

Daniel hopped down from the chair he was standing on, going to the restroom while WIll took his spot in the wooden chair. “You want her to be scared of guns? This is a good way to be scared of them.” 

Will scoffed a bit, taking off the earwear. “She’s never scared of anything. She can watch horror movies at night and not need all the lights on.”

“She didn’t get that from me.” Thomas jokingly defended. 

“Yeah. . . me neither.” 

When you’d been born, Will cried for an hour while you slept in his arms. Because while he knew he wanted kids, he didn’t know just how much until you held his finger in your hand. But at the same time, he’d never been more scared, even with what he’d been through as a kid. 

“Will,” 

“Tom?”

Will looked up at Thomas while he took his seat next to him, a hand on his shoulder. “Do you need to start talking to the therapist again?” 

Will shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

“This isn’t fine, Will. The plan wasn’t to have you working from home the rest of our lives because you’re worried.” 

The moment you’d been handed to Will, as a crying, pale, and small little mess wrapped in a blanket, he’d had this feeling that he needed to protect you at all costs, like something terrible was going to happen if he didn’t. It was why he had rules for both you and your brother to follow. 

A muffled shot went off from the other side of the wall, and it made Will jump a bit. Barely a second later you came out, brows furrowed and a crease in the bridge of your nose. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I don’t like it.” You said, walking over and sitting by Will's legs. 

“Was it scary?”

“No. I just didn’t like it.”

• • •

You sat across from Steve, looking down at the gun you’d brought. The chrome reflecting your appearance, even though it was dark and shaped oddly because of the different indents in the metal, as well as the finger prints you’d left on it. 

“Why are you even here if you don’t believe us?” Dustin demanded in a harsh tone, directing it to Max. 

Or Maxine. Which is the name you grew up calling her. And if you were being completely honest, knowing that these people, who had been family and who had big roles in your childhood, went through things like this. And that maybe, the entire time, you’d been there, freaked you out.

So then the question arose of, who taught who? 

Daniel talked about a time paradox theory once, didn’t he? About if you traveled back in time with a lightbulb, and gave it to Thomas Edison, who really invented it? You, who brought it to the past? Or Thomas Edison? Would it be a forever long loop? 

Were you always supposed to end up here? Feeling like all you had was your grandmother, uncle and Steve? All of the phrases and lessons your uncles and aunts taught you that you’d then said back to them now, is this year away from home, part of some big, fucked up loop? God you hoped not. But then maybe you could stop blaming yourself. 

“Just go home.” Dustin added. 

“Dustin,” You said softly, not liking how he was being rude. Max had every reason to question them about what was happening. Nothing about it was believable. 

Max blinked at him for a second before pushing off of the seat she was in “Geesh. Someone’s cranky. Past your bedtime?” She climbed up the ladder disappearing on top of the bus. 

“That’s good. Just show her you don’t-”

“Steve.” You interrupted, catching his attention and shaking your head. “Care.” He finished, playing with his lighter and looking at the younger boy. 

“I don’t.” Dustin stated. “Why are you winking, Steve? Stop.” 

You grinned a little, making eye contact as Steve looked at you with a bit of a smile on his face as well. “Don’t be weird, Harrington.” You told him softly, only getting a nod from him. 

You were never one for big groups of friends, but you knew that your parents would be worried if you told them you only had one, who was graduating soon and would probably be off doing his own thing come August, too busy to hang out with a sixteen year old. 

Steve wanted to go to college, but whenever he spoke about it, it always sounded like he wanted to go not because he genuinely wanted to, but out of obligation. Because someone was expecting him to. He applied to a college back in September, with an essay you helped him on. 

“You hear back from the college in Chicago?” 

Looking up to you again, Steve shook his head, a bit of hair falling in his face as he continued to play with his lighter. 

Sighing, you placed the gun down next to you before reaching your hands out to him, he gave you a look of confusion, before smiling and grabbing your hands, pulling you closer to him. You ended up with your hip against Steve’s thigh, while you rested an arm on his knee that was bent and pointed to the ceiling. 

“What about the one in California?” 

Steve sighed a bit. “I should know by Christmas.”

“Ya know, if it helps, even just a little, California’s expensive. You’ll have to pay to do your laundry, rent is really expensive, and college is already expensive enough, I don't think you’d need all of that piled on top.” 

“Laundry costs money?” 

You didn’t mean to, but you laughed, nodding a bit. “Yeah.” You told him. “You would be able to just drive down to mommy and daddy’s to do your laundry if you went to the one in Indianapolis.” 

Steve smiled at you, handing you his lighter for a moment, and your first realization was that it was much heavier than the Bic lighters you used to be able to get at the liquor store down the street from the condo you and your family once lived in. 

“Or I could do it at your place.” He pointed out, and it made a genuine and lazy smile come to your face. 

“Or you could come to my place.” You agreed, and even though it was stupid, it made your heart almost flutter. The idea that Steve would go to your place to do laundry rather than his house seemed silly, but you were for sure more fun than his almost 65 year old father and mother in her early 40’s. 

You shared a small smile with him, before looking away and down at the  lighter he’d handed you, flicking it open and making an ‘o’ sound when the small flame ignited. “Let there be light.” You joked, looking back at Steve. 

But he was already looking at you instead of the small flame you held, an absent-minded smile on his face, almost a goofy looking one. 

“What?”

“You don’t have issues.” He observed. “Family issues, anyway. You talk about them like you still love them, and that they loved you. And I mean. . . Carol’s mom never even let her leave the house unless she knew that I’d be the one driving. So from what I know, parents who love you, and care, wouldn’t ever let you move to a completely different town in the middle of nowhere at the age of fifteen, and never even call at the very least. So what happened?” 

You could tell he’d thought about it before. Much like how you’d thought about his own familial life. And while you were sure his was complicated, you were sure your own was even more so. 

Shrugging you looked at your knee, holding the lighter still, letting the small flame illuminate what little it could. Before you could say anything he put his hand on your knee, mimicking you. “Back when all of this was starting, back when I had that stupid party? We had beer, and cigarettes there, and when I told the cops the truth, my dad wasn’t upset that I was getting drunk or smoking, but because I was ruining the ‘family name’” He used his fingers as air quotes. “

He was trying to make you feel comfortable enough to tell him even the smallest amount about what happened to you and your family, and it worked, because looking at the lighter again, you began to speak. “It was the week after freshman year started. . . They decided to pack up and go on a road trip. Like an impulse that my dad had, he’d never been impulsive before. But we went. And Pa- someone got mad at me, so I ran off.” Looking back at Steve you saw the soft gaze he gave you. “I basically ran away because my family was mad at me. And I haven’t gone back. And I can’t.”

A growl echoes from outside, and within a heartbeat, you, Steve and Dustin were at the little opening between metal scrap to look out the window. The fog covered most of the ground outside, making it near impossible to see ‘Dart’ as Dustin called it if it was out there. All you could see was the pile of raw meat and beat down cars. 

Holding onto the sleeve of Steve’s jacket, your eyes darted around, looking for the thing that, more likely than not, was from the place you hated. 

“You see him?” Dustin asked, the bill of his hat brushing against your forehead due to the tight space. 

You shook your head, but Steve answered verbally “No.” 

“Lucas! What’s going on?” Dustin asked, looking to the roof of the bus while you could feel Steve move his arm in your grasp before he took your hand in his. 

“Hold on!” Lucas shouted back. “I’ve got eyes! Ten o’clock! Ten o’clock!”  Lucas’ voice stuttered halfway through, either from being unsure, or scared. 

You pointed to the window, seeing the dark figure that was about the size of a medium sized dog lurking by the edge of the junkyard. “There.” 

“What's he doing?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Instead of going after the raw meat, the thing just stood there, and you could hear the low chittering, it sent goosebumps up your spine, having your grip on Steve’s hand tighten. For a moment all you could remember or even think about, was when you hid in a treehouse, occasionally looking through a crack between two slats of wood to look down below to see one of those. 

“He’s not taking the bait.” Steve stated the obvious. “Why is he not taking the bait?” 

“Maybe he’s not hungry?” Dustin suggested. 

“Maybe he’s sick of cow.” Steve suggested right after, but it came off as more of a statement than a question like Dustin’s. He stepped back from the window, his hand still in yours as he continued to stare at the window for one last moment in thought. 

Steve looked to you, his expression unreadable as you gave his hand a light squeeze. “What are you thinking?”  You inquired, voice low. 

He looked down to where you’d previously been sitting, grabbing the gun and handing it to you, grip first. 

Letting go of your hand he stepped towards the door without saying anything. You reached out to grab him, demand what he was going to do, and probably tell him it was a stupid idea, that he’d get himself killed. But that was just Steve, right? Doing things that seemed stupid at first, until it actually worked out in his favor. 

Usually, you chalked it up to luck, dumb luck, but still luck nonetheless. But if it was just that, that simple four letter word that was always brought up on Saint Patrick’s Day, then it was going to run out eventually. 

But you trusted him, so like an idiot, you didn’t grab him. 

“Steve? Steve, what are you doing?” Dustin demanded, worry clear in his voice. “Steve?” You reached out for Dustin’s shoulder, watching as Steve grabbed the bat. 

Turning back to look at you guys, he said “Just get ready.” He turned back around and went to the door. 

You could feel your heart rate speed up, the blood in your veins go ice cold for a few seconds out of fear, and your hands were unsteady as you held the metal lighter in hand, having snapped it closed when you heard Dart outside. 

The loud creaking of aluminum was heard as he opened the door, and for a moment, you found yourself asking any god there was to make sure Steve didn’t get hurt. You were raised by two men who were told all their lives that anyone who was attracted to someone of the same sex would burn in hell, or that they were a sinner. It was no surprise that you weren’t raised with religion. Who would want to raise their child in a religion that condemned something they couldn’t control. 

The doors creaked again as Dustin closed them. Looking down at your gun, you could hear your dad’s voice asking you if it was scary, and while as a child, it wasn’t, it was now. All these years older and you’d grown afraid.

“What’s he doing?” Maxine demanded as she got to the bottom of the latter, going to the window where Dustin was watching. 

“Expanding the menu.” He answered. 

Turning the safety off of the pistol, you walked towards the door, stopping at the first seat and watching carefully from the small opening there. 

Through the fog you could see him swing the bat, getting himself ready as he planted his feet.  “Steve, watch out!” Lucas yelled from the top of the bus. 

“A little busy here!” Steve shouted back, not turning around, Dart and him would be having a staring contest if the thing had eyes. 

“Three o’clock!” 

You turned to look at Dustin and Max who were already staring at you, seemingly waiting for your next move. But there wasn’t much of one you could make. Knowing Steve, and the manner that he left the bus in, He’d be furious that you left the bus. And while you were never one to listen to a boy not much older than you, or even middle aged teachers, you didn’t know what you’d do if you left the bus and one of them got hurt. 

“Shit.” You mumbled seeing more in the direction Lucas was yelling about. You move the two feet to the door, Dustin following your lead as you pulled open the rusting doors. 

“Steve!” You shouted to get his attention as Dustin did the same.

“Steve! Abort! Abort!”  

You held up the pistol, your index finger finding the trigger and firing as one of the creatures began to sprint in Steve’s direction The bullet barely grazed it. 

Steve rolled over the hood of a car as Lucas and Max joined in on yelling at Steve to get him back inside the bus. 

You didn’t have much time to think, one second being on your feet, and the next flat on your ass, back against Dustin’s leg as Steve landed against you. Feet pushing the door closed. 

One of their arms burst through, and the kids ran to the back of the bus while Steve got back up and began to hit the thing’s limb with the bat. 

Pushing yourself up off the ground when you heard Dustin on his walkie and them all scream and get up from the ground you made your way over, as a loud thudding came from on top of the roof. 

Max looked at you, before back up at the emergency exit above her. THe fear was evident on her face before she even let out the scream which had you and Steve both running over, with you grabbing Max and Steve pushing the four of you behind him. 

“Out of the way! Out of the way!” He yelled, before directing his attention to the dog like creature that was looking down at the four of five of you. “You want some? Come get this!” 

Mid growl, the creature looked up, chittering at nothing before he turned and hopped off of the bus, shaking the broken down vehicle in the process. 

You were stunned into silence, but you quietly turned the safety of the pistol back on and tucked it away. 

Looking at the floor beneath you, you felt someone grab your hand. Looking up you saw Steve looking at you, quietly mouthing the words ‘you okay?’ to you. Nodding you gave his hand a half-hearted squeeze before he began to lead you to the front of the bus, letting go of your hand to open the door and quietly step out. 

“What happened?” Lucas questioned, as if any of you would know the answer to his question. 

“I don’t know.” Max responded

“Steve scared ‘em off?” Dustin suggested in a more inquiring tone while you stepped off the bus, looking at Steve while he looked off in the direction ‘Dart’ and his friends ran in. 

“No. No way.” Steve answered, turning to look at the middle schoolers. “They’re going somewhere.”

• • • 

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[yoondoze]

if | myg

a series of letters from min yoongi to you, his best first love.

#letter 1 | letter #2 | letter #3

listen to: the 1975 - facedown

word count: 1k

a/n: surprise! this will be a 3 part (heavy) angst drabble series. it’s not really like my other stuff, it’s more experimental, but i hope you’ll give it a chance :) next part will be up on wednesday at noon.

“Dear Y/N,”

Do you remember the day we met?

I do. It was the day you moved in next door. I remember watching the neighbor's moving truck roll out on a Friday night, and watching yours roll in on a Saturday morning. A little while later, your car pulled into the driveway."

"Here we are!" your dad exclaims, his palms slapping the steering wheel. "You'll love it here, kiddo, I promise."

The trip had taken just over six hours. Not bad at all, but to say you were in as high spirits as your father would be a blatant lie. Who wants to move six hours away from home the summer before seventh grade?

"From my window, I watched as both your parents stepped out of the car. They opened one of the back doors and your dog jumped out, running wild on the foreign lawn and familiarizing himself with his new surroundings. They went inside, and for a second I thought that it was just them and the dog. But then a leg stepped out and you came into view."

You think you might just stay in the car forever. If you don't go in, you won't have to see it for yourself and claim a room and cement your new place of residence. Maybe you could convince yourself there is still a chance this isn't permanent.

But then your mom steps out onto the porch and gives you a look, beckoning you to come inside already. You huff but comply nonetheless.

"A dark blue backpack was slung over your shoulder and you carried your pillow under your right arm. You wore sweatpants and an oversized tee-shirt that made you look like you were swimming in fabric. Then, you stood still and just looked at the house with disdain, and somehow, like you had a sixth sense, your head turned up in one swift movement and your eyes found mine.

I looked away as soon as I realized you noticed me, but not before I saw you smile. Did you know what was going to happen back then?"

The boy piques your interest. As you head inside, you think it might be worth sticking around just to meet him.

"To this day, I still think you have that sixth sense. It's inexplicable, but you have this air of knowing around you. Sometimes, I think you might not be entirely human because of it.

We were thirteen then, but we weren't friends until the first year of high school. In fact, I didn't like you at all when you first moved in. My mom would always compare me to you, the neighbor's kid, and ask why I wasn't doing the same things as you were. She'd point through the kitchen windows, saying, "See, their kid is doing the laundry," or, "See, their kid is weeding the garden."

Freshman year, you were talking to everyone at the bus stop. The kids I knew never did that before. I really wanted to join in, but I couldn't find the words to say. I tried to all week long, but soon enough the bus was coming and the conversation ended so we could get on.

By the second week, you noticed that I was listening in to the conversation. Everyone was talking about how horrible the math department at school was, and how every teacher seemed to have no clue what they were doing. You made eye contact with me and struck up a conversation as easy as pie."

"Yoongi, who do you have for math this year?"

Yoongi is so surprised, it's embarrassing. The other kids you're speaking with turn to look at him too. You, however, are the only one awaiting his answer with a smile.

"Ms. Fox," he replies. It's weak and shaky, but he tries to pass it off as being tired.

"It took you no effort at all to hold a conversation at 6:40 in the morning in chilly September, you said that you heard she was awful and wished me luck. You asked me a few more questions, and I appreciate you working with me even though I know my responses made it seem like I didn't want to talk to you.

When I thought I was lucky enough to have just spoken to you, I got even luckier. The bus came to a screeching stop as it always did, and when I sat down, you sat down right next to me, same bright smile on your face.

I wish I could see it again. I'm impatient, but I can wait a little while longer. I know you'd want me to.

You talked to me every morning for the rest of high school. We started hanging out every Friday to study, but after a few weeks, we stopped studying and just went into town to walk around. Looking back, those times were my favorite. I never enjoyed routine more than when it was with you.

I miss you all the time. It feels like I'm stuck in time while everyone keeps moving forward, like they're passing me somehow. I'm hung up, but how could I not be?

I know you're out there somewhere. I get a sick feeling, even when I'm sitting on the porch in the evening sunlight how we used to in better times. We would look up at the clouds together and search for patterns and shapes and meaning. Now I look up and can only think about how you're out there, somewhere, and I'm not with you."

 "That one kind of looks like a dog," you say, pointing up at the sky. Though you have one hand shielding your eyes, you still have to squint.

"Really?" Yoongi says, taking a sip of his drink and leaning back in his chair. "I don't see it."

You roll your eyes and shift your chair closer to his, leaning your head in to see from his point of view. "See, right there," you insist, tracing the shape with your finger in front of the both of you, "That's the snout, and the ears, and his two paws."

Truth be told, he doesn't see it at all. He doesn't doubt that it's there, but he's lost. 

"Oh, okay, yeah," he nods. "I got it. That's cool."

He's just happy to see you happy.

"Wherever you are, do you miss me too?"

[jonogueirawrites]

Save me from myself.

Chapter 12.

AO3.

Summary:

In one night out with the team, Bucky takes the opportunity to ponder about his options forward.

TW: none.

9 reasons to go, 1 to stay.

1 – Time.

The team had decided to go out that night. Somewhere private but fun. Many ideas were discussed, but they went with Sam’s, and there they were.

The bar was one of the few who still had the 40’s style. Someone played a familiar song on the piano, and Bucky looked around the place, taking everything in.

Despite the owner’s talent in keeping the place as original as possible, the evidence that times had changed was in people’s hands. Their cellphones taking pictures or their fingers traveling on the screen, texting whoever was on the other end. The HD television on the wall replaying the last baseball match, and the sight of modern cars coming and going on the other side of the window.

His low chuckle caught Tony’s attention, and the man raised his brow in question.

“I was just thinking,…” Bucky downed the last of his drink, “I thought we would have flying cars by now.”

“Why would we need flying cars when we have the fastest planes and rides ever?” Tony looked outside the window.

“it’s just… odd.” His blue eyes fell on Steve. “Everything is so different. People, food, entertainment. So many things have changed, but when you look deep down, everything is the same.”

“I know what you mean.” Steve leaned back against his seat and got lost in his thoughts.

“I wonder If I will ever adjust. Will I one day be able to walk around and not get surprised by something?”

“I wish you were the only one.” Clint laughed. “My daughter came home the other day and…”

Bucky’s attention shifted when a man and a woman entered the place. The man came in first and headed straight to the bar ordering a drink. The woman sat by his side and gave him a peck on the lips.

The whole situation was odd. He would never enter anywhere first. He would open the door and wait for his partner to come in, make sure he found a nice table for them to sit, and then and only then get them something to drink.

This sure was a different era. Or was he still stuck in an old one?

2 – Change.

The conversation continued, and different topics were discussed. They reminisced the old times and made fun of each other.

The place was crowded, and music played in the air. Laughter and conversation intertwined with the merry tunes making the time fly by with pleasure.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Bucky observed people. The conversation revolved around things that Bucky had only heard about. New technology, new kinds of jobs, new worries. A lot of new things Bucky couldn’t understand.

Not that he was stupid or lazy, but it would take time.

It would take time for him to understand that war was over.

Time to understand that the battle had changed.

That he was open to new things.

He was free.

And that thought scared him.

3 – Apprehension.

The glass felt cold under his fingertips. When he raised it to take another sip, his lips were met with emptiness.

Running his hand over his hair, he sighed and stood up to grab another drink.

What would, no. What could he do with his freedom? Could he travel around the world? Could he get new hobbies? Could he do absolutely nothing and just sit around seeing the world change once more?

Leaning on the counter, he waited for someone to approach him and take his order.

His eyes traveled on the labels of the many bottles displayed on the wall until they saw nothing.

His mind went back to his musing about his free time, and he couldn’t help but smile. Whatever he decided to do, he was going to make the best of it.

All he wanted was to one day be able to look back and be proud of what he did, what he had accomplished.

4 – Memory.

Bucky’s life so far was full of ups and downs, and that would be fine if his ups had been more significant and longer than his downs.

A woman came into view. She stood on the other side of the counter, waiting for his order with a beautiful smile on her face. A smile that brought him back to the expo many years before.

Laughter bubbled in his chest, and he let it out, startling the woman. After apologizing and explaining to her that she reminded him of an ex, she laughed with him and walked away.

Turning his back to the counter and calming his heart down, he walked back to the table, but before reaching it, he watched with amusement how Steve tried and failed to talk to a gorgeous woman near the toilets.

“Haven’t changed much, have we Steve?”

“I have no problems talking to women now. Well, just with the ones that are too forward.” He scratched his neck.

“Always the gentleman.” Bucky winked at his friend. “Don’t blame you, though.”

There were many memories he wanted to get rid of. Things he couldn’t control, but he did anyway. Things that came back most nights to keep him awake.

But if forgetting about them meant he would have to erase moments like that, moments where he watched his friend smile, watched him be the best he could be. Then he would endure the nightmares because, as much as they weren’t many, they were reasons for him to watch the dawn.

5 – Past.

“Remember when things were easier?” They stood near the counter. Steve was leaning on a column. “When we only had to think about war and women?”

“I thought about war, and you thought about women.” Steve nudged his friend’s foot with his.

“While you were trying to enlist, I was already in the army. The prospect of dying alone in a ditch was not the best, you know?” He took a sip of his drink, and they were both in silence for a minute.

“I know. I just wanted to do my part.” Steve’s voice was low and full of pride.

“You did and still do. I’m proud of the man you were and has become, Steve.”

“Bucky, I-”

“I wanted to find a girl, you know?” He didn’t allow his friend to continue. Bucky’s eyes trained at something only he could see. “Have someone to come back to. Settle down, have a bunch of kids, and live the rest of my days in blissful misery.” His laughter was dark.

“Bucky-”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He clapped Steve on the shoulder. “Thank you for never forgetting about me.”

“That will never happen.”

“Until the end of the line, right?” Bucky raised his hand for Steve to grab.

“Until the end of the line.” He took his friend’s hand and shook. “Always.”

They watched the people around for a few seconds until Steve broke the silence.

“You can still find a girl. Settle down, have kids.”

“Right.” His metal arm shifted without him realizing it.

“Oh! Right, sorry.” Steve flashed him a knowing smile. “You have found a girl, haven’t you?”

Chuckling more to himself, he let his head drop. His hand reached for his dog tags.

6 – Present.

His mind immediately reached for her smile, but not any smile, though. A few weeks ago, when she knocked on his door and handed him the box containing his dog tags, she also stirred a lot of things inside of him he had thought was long lost. The smile she gave him the moment she left the room filled all the cracks of his soul with hope.

It was late, and time to go back home. Telling Steve he would wait for the others outside, he closed his jacket closer to his body when the cold night air hit him as soon as he left the place.

Running his fingers over his hair and watching his breath becoming fog in the air, he remembered how warm and happy her kiss had made him.

That day he vowed to be a better man. A man worthy of her eyes, her touch, her kisses. Since then, he started the long journey of self-discovery, self-healing. It was going to be difficult, and not only that, because maybe, in the end, he wouldn’t reach the goals he set for himself. Still, it was worth it, not only for her but also for him.

He had been through so much. Always following someone. It was high time he followed none but himself.

His mind was taken from him. Meddled, toyed with, broken into pieces he wasn’t sure could be mended again. His body was explored, torn, used, and abused. His notion of self was erased. There was only order and target, goal, and death.

That wouldn’t work anymore. He was his again. His mind and body. His wishes and desires, goals, and future.

It all depended on him. He would do the best for himself.

7 – Future.

There was so much he wanted. A future where he could rest his head on the pillow and drift to the land of dreams peacefully. Where he could be more than just a soldier. He could be nothing more than himself.

Maybe someday he could find a place distant from all the fights and the world’s problems. Hadn’t he been part of both more than enough? Hadn’t he suffered for both enough? Could he one day be happy? Or would there always be something calling him back to battle?

If so, maybe, and just maybe, he could start choosing his battles. Choose who to fight for? Fight for whomever he wanted.

When the others finally exited the place, they all hopped on their vehicles and headed to the compound.

His Harley awaited not far. Getting on his bike and putting on the helmet, he saw out of the corners of his eyes a woman leaving a building on the other side of the street. Her long dark hair reminded him of midnight black eyes.

Battles were not the only ones where you strapped a gun to the shoulder and killed as many people as you could. There were also battles where you had to fight for what you believed, wanted. To make someone happy.

But would it be fair to drag someone under the bus with himself when they could be much more with him far away?

8 – Example.

If he were to have a chance of making her happy, he would have to come to peace with himself first.

He had to face his own demons and emerge victorious. Let his past be past and face the future with an open mind.

There were many people he admired. Of course, Steve was the first to come to his mind. The man wasn’t Captain America only for his looks. He was determined, fair, just, and loyal. He made mistakes, but he was always trying to correct them. He would go high and low to do what was right.

In his heart, though, she would always come first.

Steve and he could share a long history together. They had lived many things that only a handful of people could ever claim to have experienced, but Bucky and Lillian had something special.

He had killed her parents and, in doing so, had crushed a little girl’s spirit. She had sworn revenge and had spent her life looking for him. Yet, when she had him around her fingers, she chose to dig deeper. To let him go.

Would he have done the same in her place?

Would he have left the person directly responsible for the death of people he loved unconditionally go?

The traffic light turned green, and he accelerated the bike, listening to the sound of the engine drown out everything else around him.

Whatever he would have done surely would not have been as noble as what she did, and that’s precisely why he looked up to her.

9 – Emotions.

Lillian had gone through hell because of him, and still, she believed him. If that alone wasn’t something for him to admire her, she had, in the end, confessed that she trusted him.

She trusted him.

The man who turned her life upside down, who took her bright future away.

Not only that, but she also gave him purpose. Direction.

She showed him that he could be better, do better. Every day was a new opportunity to leave his nightmares behind and seek his dreams.

Show the world he was a good man. Show them all what he was made of.

He wasn’t just a super-soldier. A broken man with a metal arm.

He was a man with dreams, a man filled with emotions.

Someone who wanted to reach the heavens.

A man with feelings.

10 – Her.

Bucky was overwhelmed.

Too much in too little time.

He stopped in front of his door and rested his head on the wood. His mind trying to remember her smell, her touch.

For the first time since he was free from Hydra’s grasp, he started thinking about all his options.

Even before the war, he didn’t have many of them. It seemed his life had already been chosen for him.

His clothes were long gone, and hot water dripped from his hair. The bathroom was shrouded in steam. A low moan escaped from his lips when his muscles started to relax.

The cold metal of his arm sent a shiver down his spine when he touched his nape, rolling his neck, he let water splash his face.

As soon as he closed his blue eyes, her dark ones smiled back at him.

His mind worked non-stop.

There were many reasons for him to stay away. To let her be. To crush the incessant feeling that stubbornly always insisted on emerging.

Day and night.

He always remembered her smile. Her smell. The soft touch of her lips on his skin.

He had many reasons to go, and only one to stay. One that made him smile once again.

He was deeply in love with her.

I hope you liked.

Likes and reblogs are super appreciated!

Next chapter

[hillywooddestiel]

Shake Date

Characters: Peter Parker x reader, Cal (ofc)

Warnings: sadness, getting stood up, Cal is a dick, Peter fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

Description: You’ve been excited for this date with school hottie, Cal, all day. He seemed excited too. So where is he?

A/N: So I feel like right now, we need some Peter fluff and this is the one shot I wrote a short while back that I mentioned. So let’s party like this fandom isn’t a shit storm right now and enjoy some cuteness (the image that inspired this is from Pinterest, not sure if it is Tom but it’s pretty neat) xx Marvel Masterlist

Story:

25 minutes. You'd been waiting for 25 minutes for Cal. The two of you had agreed to meet at the old style diner on the corner of 73rd. You checked your phone again, rereading the message over and over again. The words were there, clear enough. Or maybe the message wasn't clear. Maybe you'd gotten the wrong diner. Maybe by tomorrow he'd meant the day after. Maybe you were overthinking things. Sending a third text seemed like an undesirable option- what would you even say? He had already received the 'I’m here’ and ‘Where are you?’. ‘Hi, I've been waiting for half an hour now, have you stood me up?’. No, that was too blunt. You definitely couldn't call; you hated phone calls, both making and answering them. In the end, you decided to do nothing. He was probably just stuck in traffic on a bus somewhere. With no internet. And no signal. And no way to check the time.

The waitress kept looking over at you. It could have been sympathy in her eyes but you didn't dare to look. She could have been annoyed at you for taking up a table without ordering. Not that it was exactly busy in the diner. There were a few couples sat in booths by the windows, like yourself minus the other half of the couple, and one young family at a big table full of milkshakes and waffles. The smallest girl, she's maybe two years old, mushed handfuls of sticky, cut-up waffles into her little mouth, getting a lot of it down her chin and her clothes. You smiled at her as she accidentally threw some across the table, much to the dismay of her two mothers. Also enjoying the various flavours of milkshakes the diner had to offer were a lot of kids you recognised from Midtown High. Their judgemental stares and smug snickering did not go unnoticed by you. You were a spectacle. Poor little Y/N stood up on a date. Some of them could've been in on it, you didn't know. They could have been messaging Cal and his friendship group of pig headed boys all about how lonely and stupid you looked. Sneaky photos taken carefully could have been circulating around the cliques, people reacting with laughing emojis and 'omg how sad’. Your throat burned and eyes stung at the thought so you shook your head to clear your mind. 40 minutes. You had most definitely been stood up.

A waitress with tight braids and some cool piercings all around her ears came over to your table with a tray, placing a humongous chocolate milkshake in front of you. It was about as big as your head, topped with cream, marshmallows, chocolate sauce and chocolate covered cookie pieces. It also came with a straw to tackle the monstrosity.

“Oh I didn't order anything…” you said quietly, embarrassed to have to send it back.

“I know you didn't, he did.” The teen you vaguely recognise from a year above you at school pointed to a boy at the counter handing money to the cashier. Peter Parker. He turned around holding a matching milkshake to yours and grinned.

“Can I join you?” he asked, pointing to the vacant seat opposite you.

“Uh um yeah, sure. You did buy me this.” You laughed awkwardly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear. Peter sits down, still smiling, and takes a sip from his drink.

“You been waiting long?”

“What?”

“For your date.”

“Oh, not too long.”

“He's an idiot for standing you up, trust me. Anyone would be.” He blushed, fiddling with his straw.

“Thanks… you didn't need to save me from the embarrassment of leaving.” You reluctantly took a sip of the milkshake, struggling to make eye contact. It was so chocolatey and cold, giving you a spike of brain freeze, but it tasted so so good. 

“I know but… I saw you through the window and you looked a bit down and chocolate milkshakes always cheer me up so I thought I'd come in.”

“Okay… and what were you doing in this part of the neighborhood?” You asked, wanting to know more about the boy. You'd always thought he was cute in that quiet, nerdy way. He always hung around with Ned from your English class and that odd girl MJ. She drew you once while you were reading in the library, just a sketch, and it was really quite good (although a little creepy). About 3 months prior, word had spread that Peter had gotten himself a position as an intern for none other than Tony Stark. You were jealous, for sure- how could you not be? Your dream was to go to MIT after high school and a Stark internship was a surefire ticket in.

“Ah you know… I was just uh out for a walk.” 

“A walk?”

“Yeah, getting some fresh air and all that.” 

“Sure… this is good, how did you know I like chocolate?”

“Lucky guess.”

By halfway down the milkshake, the two of you got onto the topic of movies. Peter was a big fan of Star Wars and 80s classics. You liked superhero films and were a sucker for a cheesy romantic comedy. But, you both agreed that 80s music is the greatest genre. When you reached the bottom of the glass, the two of you still had plenty to talk and laugh about.

“I'm telling you, watch out tomorrow and you will see.”

“But how? When did this happen?”

“Well I spotted it for the first time a couple of months ago.” you thought back, laughing at Peter's confusion.

“I thought Mr Ginley was married.”

“He was. Got divorced in February.”

“How do you know all of this?” Peter smiled with one brow quirked.

“I stay behind in the library a lot, to study. You hear all sorts of things when people think no one is around.”

“Maybe I should come and hear for myself-” Peter's phone buzzed on the table, the name ‘May’ flashing on screen with a photo of a beautiful looking woman, “Damn it.”

“Who's May?” You asked, sensing your evening together was over.

“My aunt, she worries when I don't come home on time. I have to answer.”

“Sure, go ahead.” you smiled and he swiped the call to green.

“Hey May… no, I'm just out… but it's still light… May!... Okay, I'm just on 73rd… yeah… yeah… I love you too… okay, bye…” he put the phone back on the table and let out a sigh, “I have to go, I'm sorry.”

“No, it's okay. Thank you for… this. How much was the shake?” you reached for your bag, pulling out your purse.

“Oh, I got it. I know a milkshake isn't much but maybe I can take you on a proper date next time.” Peter blushed furiously, a shy grin leaving deep smile lines in his cheeks. It was infectious.

“Next time?”

“Well I-I mean if-if-if you want to, I just-”

“I'd love to” you cut him off mid adorable nervous stuttering. He looked up into your eyes with an even bigger smile.

“Great, I'll text you! Yeah, um, yeah I gotta go. Bye!” Peter rushed off out of the door, still smiling as he ran to catch the subway. You had a date with Peter Parker.

Peter felt proud of himself. He's gotten out of his comfort zone, pushed himself and finally asked you out on a date. It didn't go down how he had expected it to but that turned out to work in his favour. He didn't need to tell you Cal had been caught stealing from a department store on his way to your date and the police were called. You certainly didn't need to be told it was Spiderman who caught him. You'd find out soon enough anyway from Twitter or at school. And he certainly wasn't going to tell you that he was Spiderman, out on his usual patrol when he spotted you in the diner alone. You were the one he'd been crushing on for ages, so he couldn't tell you. Not yet.

[solastnightidreamt]

I felt like I was in some kind of cheesy soap opera where different storylines are happening all at once and it clips through all of them. Just so I’m not jumping all over the place I’ll keep the stories grouped together, but just know that they were all intertwined and happening at the same time. 

So.... I’m in a kind of old school hotel and there are chandeliers hanging and gold accents on the walls as I walk over to the bottom of a big ass staircase. The stairs are covered in dark green carpet and the walls are wooden as they lead all the way up into the narrow and tall building. I’m walking on them when I run into a naked guy who’s staying at the hotel. He isn’t like a perv or anything- it was kinda like he just got poofed into the staircase and then was nearly unconscious, so I grab his arms and am trying to help him. He isn’t responding so I drag him up and down the stairs looking for his room to take him back. As I’m getting close to his room a little girl comes to investigate and I tell her to stay away because that kind of scene is just all kinds of bad. Her mom comes around the corner and is very sweet and casual and tells me ‘she’s just curious and won’t be any trouble’. So the kid just kinda hangs back while I find the guy’s room and push him into it and onto the bed. When I come out of the room she’s just standing there and gives me a thumbs up. 

I end up at this press conference/party/movie promo thing and across the venue I see Jason Momoa and Henry Cavill. Quentin Tarantino is also with them but for some reason he isn’t in Quentin’s body, he is physically manifested as Gerard Butler but I know that it isn’t actually Gerard, it’s Tarantino. 

I’m kinda watching them all moving around each other doing interviews and chatting and I kinda of make out that Tarantino (in Gerard Butler’s body) and Jason Momoa are together. Like, romantically. Which makes no sense because they’re both married but still. They’re very subtle but also blatant, making out and grabbing each other when people aren’t paying attention. 

I’m sitting at a table with a computer in front of me and they’re goin about their business. Tarantino/Gerard comes and sits across from me. He tells me to put my hand flat on the table and I do. is sitting across from me. He tells me to make it flatter and I kinda laugh because that’s as flat as it goes. He kinda grins and then, as a show for me, he pretends to get angry. He tells and makes a big scene and I get all giddy because I love seeing them mad but I never get the chance because they’re legit super chill. 

People rush over to make sure everything is fine and he gets up and winks at me as he walks away with people on his ass. I’m just sitting there all swoony and turned on and my sis comes over to ask if I’m ok. I tell her I’m great and then Henry Cavill comes over and starts flirting with me. He’s holding my hand, pressing up against me and whispering to me and shit and then he tells me that I should join them. 

I ask, ‘Join who?’ and he nods over at Jason and Gerard. They’re now almost fully naked and making out and grabbing each other dick’s and shit. Henry kisses me and hands me a camera and I end up doing a shoot of the two of them while Henry encourages me. I wink and tell Henry that he should go join them so he strips off his shirt and goes over there. He’s behind them, leaning over the two of them and the three of them are kissing as I take pictures. They’re all egging me on, telling me that I need to come join them after I have my fun with the camera. 

At this point the paparazzi has caught on and people are watching and just as they go to take off their underwear and go at it the fucking memory card runs out. I yell and giggle that the card is full and they all kinda grin with each other like ‘oh, well. show’s over’ and people disperse. 

I’m sad that I didn’t get to actually see them together or join in. Henry comes over and kisses me and they promise I’lll get my chance. He escorts me to a small bus/RV thing and I get chartered away.

The RV is driving through the foothills around my hometown and the sights are awesome. Gerard/Tarantino and Henry are no longer there but my twin is with me and Jason is in the front driving. I fall asleep in the bed in the back and after a while my sister wakes me up and asks what’s going on. I tell her that Jason is just driving us around but that he’s uncomfortable in his clothes so he’s gonna change. We look up to the front and he takes off his shirt and changes it into a tank top. He winks back at me and I tell her that he’s gonna change again and then without us actually being able to see past his shoulders he takes off his pants and undies to put new ones on and when he does the horn honks because his dick is so big that it hits it. We all laugh and I kinda swoon and he keeps on driving before stopping on the side of the road at a church. 

I’m on my phone scrolling through the news and come across a headline - Dax Sheppard sells black nipples to local church - and I’m totally flabbergasted by it. When the bus comes to a stop I look out the window and we’re in front of said church in the article. I’m shocked and go in to investigate. It’s a TINY little thing and there’s only a keyboard and like 4 chairs and a small desk. It looks more like an office than it does the inside of a church, but on the one wall made of a glass window there’s this cast iron design thing that is fabricated against the glass. It’s meant to be decorative/like a screen and it’s small black swirls with little beads at the end and that’s what they claim look like nipples. It kinda does if you squint, but it’s actually really pretty and well designed and I get super pissed off. The whole article is just a bunch of assholes looking for a reason to talk shit and spread rumors about celebs. 

I’m pissed off and I leave the church but when I get outside the bus is gone. Instead there’s a big truck, like a Ram 2500 with a big ass pool connected to it on a trailer. There are some white ladies in their mid 40s that had gone to see the church. They’re all sitting around the edge of the pool with their feet in the water, commenting on it and judging, talking shit about Dax and how he should be ashamed of himself and that the church should sue him. 

I’m still stuck here and they’re about to leave so I hop on the trailer with them and just stay quiet as they keep talking all kinds of shit. The conversation shifts and they’re talking about lactose intolerance and I pipe up and mention a brand of soy milk I like. They don’t know what it is so we pull up to a Costco and I try to find it in there. They don’t sell that brand so then I tell them that they can probably just get it at their local store and I write it down for them. 

They thank me and drop me off at my aunt’s home. My mom and grandma are there and they let my childhood dog out into the backyard to pee. My sister, Joanna, and her husband show up and we’re all just hanging out on the back patio. From there we can see into the desert around the yard and there’s a coyote pup that’s lost and wandering around. My sis goes out and lets it into the yard, brings food and water for it. We warn her against it but she does it anyway and over the next few days she keeps feeding it.  

My twin, Cassy, comes over a couple days later and talks about the dangers and liability of coyotes from a legal standpoint. She tells Joanna that if it attacks someone that she’ll be liable because she took it in and even though it’s domesticated now, it’s still a ‘dangerous breed. Cassy goes on explaining the ‘percentage of guilt’ you have in the attack based on the number of bite wounds multiplied by the about of blood vessels on the human in the area where the coyote bit them. She uses our grandma as an example, saying that if the coyote attacks Ama then Joanna will be fully guilty and responsible for her death, legally and insurance wise. We’re all a little uncomfortable talking about Ama dying (because in waking life she is dead) and then Cassy and I are in the front of an apartment complex.

We’re talking about people we went to school with and some guys pop up, but he’s of little importance. As the conversation continues we end up at a party and a different guy we went to school with, JP, shows up. He’s talking to me and Cassy and one of our friends and he’s being very sexual and flirting heavily with all of us. They’re a little weirded out but I’m kind of into it because I had a big crush on him way back when. He keeps talking to me and suggests we hang out, implying that we fuck. Cassy tells me I should be wary of him because he's a swinger or some shit and is always looking for some kind of polyamorous situation to be in. 

I tell her that that doesn’t bother me and I’m actually into that. I tell her about the thing I had with Jason, Gerard/Tarantino, and Henry. She says that if I’m into it then go for it, but be careful. 

I text JP saying hi and he instantly starts apologizing for how he acted, saying he was stupid and boozed up. I tell him it’s ok and that I actually want to talk to him about it in person. He suggests a date at a restaurant but I’m busy the date he suggests, so I ask about meeting at his house later that night, keeping it low key and casual. He agrees but I can tell that he’s scared. He thinks I’m gonna report him for sexual harassment or something when really I’m planning on getting romantically/sexually involved with him. 

He agrees to the date at his place and then I’m at home in my closet looking for clothes. I am nervous and actively thinking ‘you might lose your vcard, what do you wanna wear in case you’re no longer a virgin after tonight’ and then I wake up. 

[joeyvoeman]

FC: Cara Gee Relation: Younger Sister Status: Deceased Cause of Death: Shot in the chest

Joey’s younger sister is back as a ghost, stuck to his side like glue. They didn’t leave things off on the best of terms. She lived her life to the fullest, but still, her story doesn’t have a very happy ending.

“He was my friend, Yona. Why did he have to die?” 

Joey frowned at his little sister, tear stains streaked down her dirty face five year old face as they stood over the small creature, cradled in a shroud next to the hole they’d dug. “All things die, Squirrel. Even us. One day, we will go to the sky and be with Her, and we’ll leave our bodies here to nourish the earth. Just like Skip here.” He gestured to the wrapped up rabbit, pulling his sister close.

“Then I want to die.”

“No you don’t. One day, but not now. Not soon. You have too much to share with the world to go dying right now.” Sage words from a ten year old.

“You’re right...who would finish that birdhouse for Mom and Pa?” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Since you suck at painting.”

Cynthia had all a child could ask for at the start of her life. Doting parents, a protective, loving brother, plenty of extended family to shower her with love and gifts and affection. Even during the Great Depression, her family and her tribe found ways to keep her ahead of the pack. Fed and dressed the best. Never wanting for anything. They wanted her to focus on bettering herself. She was well behaved, a great student, and before long she was surpassing their expectations. A regular prodigy.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Who’s going to help me fix my bike?” Cynthia pouted at her brother, looking crisp and clean in his green and tan army uniform. They’d had one last week together before he shipped out, and she was doing all she could to make it last, trying to squeeze in one last hour together that Joey couldn’t spare.

“There’s that boy two doors down that you keep eyeing at the bus stop. I always see him tinkering with his bike in his garage. I’m sure he’d help you.” 

“Shut up!” The thirteen year old spat through a barely suppressed smile.

“You’re not as sneaky as you think you are.”

Almost three years without her brother felt like torture. He’d always been her rock among the stones. The boulder that kept her anchored down. Without him, she felt lost. She did a lot of growing in those three years, and as she grew up, she also grew outwards. She explored new avenues, made new friends, and began to lose her way. Her grades slipped, she stayed out past her curfew, and she was doing dangerous things with her powers. When Joey returned from the war, he was expected to become his sister’s keeper again, but he had other things on his mind.

“Just talk to her, Yona. Please.”

“Can you stop calling me that, Mama? My name is Joey.” He didn’t take his gaze away from the window was he spoke, his mother behind him, a hand hesitant to reach out and touch his shoulder, ultimately deciding to do so, which he simply shrugged off. Rain pummeled the window and all Joey could think of was wanting to drown in it. 

“Joey, please. She’s been showing off her storm to kids at school. One of them is going to say something to the wrong person if she’s not careful. She won’t listen to me.”

“Maybe if we’d never left the mountains we wouldn’t have to worry about this at all,” he snapped, turning his head slightly. And he’d have never been in the war. He’d have never seen all those terrible things. “Can you blame her? You took her away from her culture. Now she has to find a new one.”

“Joseph Voeman, how dar--”

Joey rose from his chair and turned to face his mother, eyes glowing bright blue for a moment before dulling just as quickly. “Don’t, Mother. Just don’t.” He sighed, calming himself. 

“You gotta let her live. If you suffocate her, you’re going to lose her for good.”

Cynthia quickly snuck away from her brother’s bedroom door before her mother stormed out of it...

By the time college came around, Cynthia’s rebellious phase began to calm. Or at least, funneled into more productive avenues. She got involved in activism for Native Americans, African Americans, the LGBT, women, and pretty much any other oppressed group that would let her get out there and fight for the rights they deserved. But without her brother’s guidance (who she rarely saw anymore), her brand of protest was less than peaceful. She was a woman of action, and as she got older, got married, had a child, she still held that belief in her heart. Nothing was solved with words, only action.

“I knew I’d find you up here.”

Joey turned around to the sound of his sister’s voice. He hadn’t heard it in probably a year at that point, but it was still like music to his ears, even if her tone was brash and commanding as she pointed the revolver at him. 

“What are you doing with that, Squirrel?”

“If my storm won’t hurt you, this will. You got a death wish up on this cliff? Let me help you, big brother.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm as she lowered the gun, glowering at him. “You going to jump? Do it. End it all, you coward.”

Joey sighed. “You don’t understand.”

“Then fucking talk to me, Yona! Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours and we can work through it.”

“No we can’t.” He turned his back on her to look over the valley below the cliff. “I need to be alone, please.”

“It’s this war, isn’t it? Stirring that pot?” She pointed to his head, even though he wasn’t looking at her anymore. “Don’t hide from it, Yona. That’s not what we do. The storm doesn’t hide. It rages. It attacks.” She took a few steps toward him, and he turned a little to look at her sideways. “Come to a protest with me and Malcolm. You’ll see.”

She reached out to touch her brother’s shoulder, and he turned on her, grabbing her by the front of her shirt and hauling her toward where her station wagon was parked, her child...his nephew...crying in the car at the sight. 

“I said leave me alone, Cynthia. Just forget about me.”

But she couldn’t. Sure, she moved on. Continued to raise her child, teach her courses, and protest injustice. It was at the anti-Vietnam war protests that he was the forefront of her mind. She was fighting so nobody else would have to endure what he did. And it was Joey that was on her mind when, at the age of 40, she caught a bullet in the chest shot by the riot police, bleeding out before help could arrive.

[noro124]

had 2 weird dreams.

1. the beach was cold & it looked like it would rain every day. dark gray skies, black water, the works. the waves were really big & would sometimes slam into porch of our motel, which was right on the beach, & i found that out on accident because the window was open & my bed got drenched when a big wave came. 

it was clear that we were there for some quest? but i don’t remember what it was - i think it was to reclaim one of the party member’s lost heirlooms, becaue the beach island had an underwater bay that was currently unreachable (it was marked red on the map). we explored along the coastline, but there were weird fish in the water that were very threatening, so whenever the water rolled up the beach, we had to get out of the way. the beach wasn’t very wide, either - maybe 6 feet between the rocks & the water. i don’t remember if we found anything.

it became nighttime. the beach was at the bottom of a small city that i’d had other dreams in, & something was on fire. i thought i was going to be late for school, but my phone was an hour ahead because it didn’t autoadjust for daylight’s savings time, so i ended up running outside my house at 3:51 in the morning to get to the courtyard & i saw the smoke & fire & took pictures of it for my snapchat story. i was gonna add the caption “when you wake up an hour early but something’s on fire” & add it to my story, but i forgot to add the caption. the smoke looked like it was alive - it had a really weird texture.

2. I was on a school bus field trip through Michigan with a bunch of people I didn't know very well + the guy i made friends with from gym class + my boyfriend’s friend’s friend that i met last week when we went to chicago. it was a dirty double decker bus that looks like someone had attached a bunch of plating to the outside & we had these aqua blue circles on the UI that functioned as fuel, life points, & weapon projectiles. 

sometimes the assistant TA would have to get out of the bus & attack an enemy, & he was getting pissed because we weren't moving the bus to safety while he was fighting & it was taking damage & we were not being considerate of his aqua circles. after he discussed with us - more of a yelling lecture tbh - he got off the bus to fight & then we drove away to make sure his bullets wouldn't hit the bus, which was already low on health, maaybe 2 circles left. i got out before we started leaving to help the guy take care of the enemies because i had a lot of circles stored up, but the enemies (which were like a swarm of small dots) got behind me while i was distracted shooting forwards, so i respawned in the bus with only 2 circles left. i’d done a pretty good job though. & while we were driving away I saw some friends of mine hanging out in a park. i shouted at them but it was too late & they didn’t hear me. we were trying to circle back to where the assistant TA was, but the streets didn’t point back in that direction, so we just kind of abandoned him in the dream. he passed out of existence. the assistant TA was also the only authority figure except a teacher named Helen Saunders who was an old lady. I didn’t interact with her for the first party of the dream because she wasn’t the one driving & she was on the upper floor of the bus anyway. 

 we drove through a nasty tiny street with really weird, sketchy restaurants. there was one that sold rotting decapitated animal heads - for example, you could buy a crocodile head for $35! & sold something with a really weird name I can't remember, but it invoked the mental image of like zombie pigs. also you could say “hey can i buy this rotten stalk of celery for $20” & then they would upgrade it to plump but still rotting stalk of celery & say “you can buy the premium for $40″. we left real fast, but the weird name thing stuck with us. the UI circles were gone by now. we ended up in a semi-big city - at least, not a tiny town that lives on the edge of the interstate, but a town with lots of shops & squares - think like Decin. I got split off from everyone on accident while browsing shops, but I also had a weird sense of foreboding, like “I have to get away from them, I have to hide.” I looped back to the place where we were dropped off & didn’t see anyone, but I riskily had to run across a big open square to get to the Tourist Information/Help desk office area. I don’t think anyone saw me then, either. it was really hot outside, so i asked if I could stay in there to cool off, & the nice front desk guy said “Yeah, sure.” It was a really small office, maybe 7 x 12 feet big. 

Then a person with green skin & the rotting zombie pig head from the old store stumbled in the door & I screamed, knowing this was like a zombie apocalypse except we had created the zombies from that weird word with our own imagination, & tried to drag the nice front desk guy into the bathroom so we could hide & maybe sneak out the back window. However, he didn’t move fast enough & the zombie pig that walked in cut us off. I got in the bathroom, but the actual door turned into like a stall door that I had to hold shut from the bottom so that didn’t really work at all. 

I should specify that these pigs did not look like minecraft zombie pigman, it looked like a person with green skin & the head of a pig from animal farm except really warty & decomposing & nasty.

close to that tbh. none of them had any hair. 

anyway, it turned out that that pigman was still sane & it was Mrs. Saunders & she wanted to help! she said “We have to go RIGHT NOW.” so we went out the front door & immediately to the left was like a whole slow shambling army of zombie pigmen, except they weren’t that slow - they were kind of fast once they saw us. we sprinted around the right corner of the building & there was a train coming from the left side that had refugees from the pigman apocalypse sitting on top. it was first a real sized train, but it kept undergoing changes & shrinking in size & width & people kept falling off. we had to jump up on the wall next to the train to try to pick a good time to leap over, & there were other people doing the same thing, & the zombies were right behind us. 

i leaped over & so did my ally pigman, which had stopped looking so much like a pigman & more again like the boyfriend’s friend’s friend from the bus from earlier. the train shrank down almost to toy size, where it was two or 3 feet wide & i had to hold on for dear life. the track got crazy too, lifting 10 feet in the air with no support. however, we were too heavy on the train, & the track kept bowing down. the track was aiming us in the direction of a grove of trees next to a field, & lots of armed people - mostly kids that looked like they were in highschool - were stabbing & attacking the pigs. there was a trio of asian siblings sitting against a tree watching everything with wide eyes, & their legs were up in the air blocking the trunk. 

the track was trying to launch us into a tree, where i saw other people had climbed up for safety, but since there were two of us on one train car, it was too heavy, & instead of being launched into the safety of the branches, we were left grasping at twigs as we fell down. i realized we had to bypass the asian siblings, so we ducked around the fighting & ran for their tree. when they saw me approach their tree, they moved their legs so i could climb up. unfortunately, my friend got bit by a zombie pig as he was climbing up, so he was next to me up there with his teeth growing big & his skin turning green. he looked at me & said “please, you have to kill me to stay safe. do it!” so i shoved him off the tree. he went splat on the ground. i looked away. 

time passed & it was daytime & people were getting out of their trees. it was safe now for some reason because we were suddenly far from civilization & they hadn’t reached here. the mom from arrested development was there for some reason complaining that we were all camping out on her estate. it was a big field with a nice house in the middle surrounded by trees on every side, so it was nice. we had a celebration! we built a tall castle out of cardboard & balsa wood & then fred from harry potter (or maybe it was george) showed up with a levitating chariot with a horn that moved extremely slowly. apparently last night he’d gone off for reinforcements & only just now got back with his weird machine. we turned it into a catapult & started launching water balloons =, except i was blowing into them to fill them up with water? into the castle we made. i was trying to get my sister to stop blowing up the balloons so big so we could launch multiple when i woke up.

what a weird fuckin set of dreams.

[sadbitchybi]

The Divide

Chapter Two: Me and my bitter friend Fly me to the moon Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like On a, Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, baby, kiss me Fill my heart with song And let me sing forever more All I worship and adore In other words, be true In other words, I love you ...The feeling of the warm sun pulled me out of the dream. Wait..sun? My room doesn't have any windows, which means... I sprung up and immediately felt calmer as soon as I hear Virgil's voice "Relax, you're in my room, you fell asleep coloring on my bed so I took the couch" Virgil was wrapped in a black blanket and had major bed head. His purple hair was all fluffy and curly and it looked like a bunch of fuzzy grapes. "Do you want some tea?" he asked through a yawn "Sure thing kiddo, nice bed head by the way" Virgil chuckled and as he walked away called back to me "Look whos talking" I got up and went into my room to look in my mirror. Virgil was right! My hair looked like a family of rats has created a burrow in it. I brushed my hair, put in my contacts and decided to wear my blue polo with some cargo shorts and white tennis shoes. I grabbed my laptop and headed for the breakfast table where a cup of warm chamomile tea sat in a blue and white cup. One that Virgil made for me when we were in the 9th grade together. It was painted a light blue and had little white clouds painted on it, it was completely hand painted by Virgil and is ultimately my favorite cup. I opened my laptop and noticed I got a quickmail, so I opened it. Dear Patton Moral I am writing to inform you that if you are still interested in the maid/ Assistant job I am willing to give the position to you. However, if you do take the position I must inform you that you are expected to be at my home at exactly 6:00 am sharp, ready in uniform with black shoes which will be shipped to you by tomorrow unless you suddenly decide that you are no longer interested in this job. If you are not in the uniform I ship to you, you will be sent home. I am also reminding you that this is also only a temporary job. The rest of the letter included the house address and the pay. "Virgil... Buddy uh, I'm starting work Monday. Are you gonna be ok? I won't be getting off till 5 pm ish." Virgil looked wide-eyed but nodded anyways "Someone already got back to you on a job?! That was really fast! I took a drink of tea and nodded "It was fast! and the job pays well to! The only problem is I start Monday at 6, and it takes an hour to get to the house, which means..." I felt my face scrunch up from doing the math in my head "I will have to wake up at 4: 40 ish so I have time to get ready, and get to the bus stop" Vigil shook his head vigorously "Patton! those hours are insane! you and I both know that! Not to mention you have a habit of staying up till ungodly hours." Virgil took a large bite of his cereal and shook his head "Hey, Kiddo! it's ok! Look at the bright side of this job. We will have more money coming in, id gets some days off, we will save a lot of money on clothes because I have a uniform! and hey..we can probably get curtains for your room." Virgil perked up at the word Curtains. Virgil had been wanting curtains since we moved in as he liked to sleep in and often times the sun coming through his windows would wake him up. He liked to tease me by telling me he was going to make curtains out of spider webs and the idea of that gives me chills. I hate spiders, I always have and always will. Something about them just creeps me out. One time while I was in the bathroom getting out of the shower when I saw a spider crawl out from behind the toilet. I was wrapped in a towel, standing on the edge of the tub screaming and Virgil had to capture it with a book and cup and release it outside. I swallowed my last bit of tea and looked at the clock, it was already 1: 30. "Hey Virg, wanna go for a walk?" Virgil looked up at me and pointed out the living room window. "It looks like its actually going to rain" I smiled "That just makes it better" Virgil smiled and ran to the coat rack by the door quickly came back with 2 black umbrellas and our rain boots. He was smiling like crazy. He must be excited. "Hey kiddo, I know you're excited but don't ya think you should change into real clothes first?" Virgil looked down at his feet and then ran to the room to change, I slipped on my rain boots and grabbed my keys off my counter. "Ya ready to go kiddo?" Virgil nodded and we headed out. It was raining, but just barely and it actually wasn't too cold either. Me and Virgil, Virgil in particular, actually liked rain. Virgil liked rain for as long as I can remember and often when we were kids would play in it together. Sometimes people would walk up and ask us if we were dating and we would laugh it off. Virgil to me was like a little brother, I always would try my best to protect him, and keep him happy because seeing him happy. Sometimes is the only thing keeping me happy. Virgil, after becoming quite and distant would get bullied and teased. People deemed him the social outcast and everyone thought to be his friend social suicide. I didn't care. I would take the bullying for him. I would do all i could to protect him, to make him feel loved. To make him feel happy. To give him what his parents failed to give him. If it meant hiding the sad...so be it. "I had a weird dream last night" Virgil started "Me too" I replied "You should tell me about it" Virgil stopped and looked at me, the now hardening rain thumping on his umbrella" I took a deep breath, I for some strange reason felt my cheeks flush and my heart pound at the thought of the dream " I was standing in a dark room, with no one in sight and then someone started singing. They had the most beautiful voice I had ever heard and they were singing this song, talking about I think love...but I can't remember the lyrics. Anyways they were singing this beautiful song and so I started running in the direction of where the music was coming from and even though the music was getting louder, I couldn't see anything in front of me. Then I woke up." Virgil was slightly looking down and had one eyebrow raised "Woah, that actually...has my dream beat. I've never heard of someone hearing singing in their dreams before and specifically a love song, I think the dream means something!" "Really?!" What do you think it means?" Virgil pondered for a small time then looked back at me "Your soulmate is calling to you, and you are going to meet them soon, but then they get squished by a piano and die, and then your stuck being single with me for the rest of your life" I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and squashed with a piano but then Virgil playfully smacked my arm and laughed "I'm kidding. I was only trying to spook you, that is my job as your dark strange son after all." "You're more like a creepy little brother sometimes but whatever you want kiddo!" I smiled and ran off, preparing myself to jump into a puddle. Virgil ran after me and also jummped into a puddle. It was a blissful moment. I felt like we were little kids again. Playing in the rain at the park, Virgil telling me about his family problems and me hugging him. It was a beautiful nostalgia. We were at peace for a little, Virgil was safe now. I could protect him. He was happy. I was happy, we went home and went to bed. Fly me to the moon Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like On a, Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, baby, kiss me Fill my heart with song And let me sing forever more All I worship and adore In other words, be true In other words, I love you Perfect...all clean now Make sure to change the band-aid regularly and clean it regularly too This should prevent you from getting an infection...

[jessaadventures-blog]

Week Five: Craziness!

Sunset at the water tower!

Wow. SO much happened this week! It ended up being full of adventures and unexpected surprises!

P.S. I’m going to start posting on Mondays permanently because I rarely have time to write the post for Friday and we generally don’t have much wifi over the weekend! This post includes both last weekend and this past weekend.

The EcoHouse

Isa and I with our new sign!

We’ve had some more change over in the house this week! Isa left on Friday after being here for two months, and it’s definitely weird without her. She was my cooking buddy, so now I’ve gotta find a newbie to help me make food (or convince the guys to help me make their huge portions of food haha). Isa is off to Lima for a few days and then she’s heading to Cuzco and Machu Picchu before going home to her second year at Florida State. A pretty impressive trip for her first time out of the US!

Brady left this Sunday, and it’s weird without him here too. He was our funny southern fix-it guy and he definitely had a big presence in the house! He’s heading home to study for the LSAT and then (hopefully) heading to law school in Vermont. He’s a super intense skier and really wants to come ski at Mt. Baker, so maybe I’ll see him someday soon!

We also had two new arrivals this Saturday! Orianna goes to Northeastern and just finished her second year there in engineering. She’s going to be helping out with renewable energy and restarting an aeroponics project using solar panels to grow herbs super fast! She seems great, and we’ve already gone out surfing together, she seems like a go-getter.

Seth is from Indiana University and did his bachelor’s in environmental science and is doing his master’s in energy, so he’s also here for renewable energy (we have seven volunteers right now and six are here for renewable energy, so a lot of awesome energy stuff is going to be happening)! He’s starting a project called Hole in the Wall, where a computer is put in an outdoor wall in a public area and protected so the screen can’t be touched (basically cemented inside a concrete wall with a thick plastic barrier over it) and there is a keyboard stuck outside and the computer is given internet access and powered using solar panels and left there. Then the community (especially kids) can use the computer at any time to teach themselves various things, but they have to figure it out on their own. At other Hole in the Walls there’s apparently been a really impressive rate of learning by the kids that use the computer; they’ve taught themselves English and complicated science concepts and other cool things. We’re going to try to create Peru’s first Hole in the Wall!

We also have a volunteer coming today, Claudia, and I’m excited to meet her!

Other than the volunteer change overs, we had some good food again this week. We did our classic taco tuesday and made some vegan cookies for dessert, which we ate while playing Secret Hitler (our favorite board game) and drinking pisco sours. On Wednesday night Isa and I had a lasagna-off (we had a ton of lasagna noodles to use) and she made a non-vegan lasagna while I made a vegan one. Both turned out really good and not many people could tell that mine was vegan! I’m getting better at improvising recipes, and I really liked the way I made that lasagna (although I only had sweet soy milk to use, so it turned out a little sweet but it would be amazing with unsweetened almond milk). 

Isa and I also made her a crazy vegan going away cake that was pretty damn amazing (and super rich). It was two layers; the bottom layer was vanilla chocolate chunk (Andres found vegan chocolate in Talara) and the top layer was vanilla with strawberry puree. We made vegan chocolate ganache and put it between the layers with fresh strawberries and drizzled it on top as well. Everyone agreed that it was delicious! We also had a bunch of pears going bad, so Andres made a sugar-less pear crumble one morning that really didn’t need any sugar; it was really good!

Our yummy vegan layer cake :)

I also tried to make a lentil curry this weekend, which kind of worked but we didn’t have all the spices I needed so it mostly just tasted like slightly spicy lentils. I’ll try again soon and hopefully it’ll turn out better!

Work

An EcoTeam jumping selfie from our hike day! (See the adventure section)

Work this week was pretty chill, but we still got a lot done! We had friends join for planting day again, a guy named Connor from Ireland who is staying at La Casona came and helped out and there were some friends of one of the members of EcoSwell’s UK team that were visiting so they helped out as well! Our veggie garden is half planted and we transferred some seedlings and planted more seeds for germination! Most of planting day was spent removing invasive tree stumps from the front yard though. We hacked away at those things forever and ended up removing two huge stumps and a few little trees that were springing up. It was a fun planting day with some groovy music though!

As for the distiller, we painted it with wood primer because the water was starting to damage the window frame (it was nasty, sticky stuff that got in my hair and is still in my hair a week later…) and I fixed the door handle and we found some bigger water jugs to distill the water into. We’re getting more silicone today, so this week we have to seal up any little cracks and make the whole distiller as air-tight as possible to keep the heat and the water vapor in! We’re also working on some really cool components that should increase the efficiency even more, stay tuned! We tested the distiller again this week and got similar results (about 10 liters out when we put 40 liters in) so hopefully our next test, after all the improvements, will give us a higher yield!

On Thursday morning we all went hiking in Piedritas, a nearby town! See the adventure section for the story.

Other than that, I’ve been organizing social media posts three times a week and have finally started lining up facebook posts and instagram posts, so there’s been progress there! Isa and I also painted a cute sign for the EcoSwell entrance, because before you could only tell that this is the EcoSwell house coming from one direction. I think we did a pretty great job and it was a fun creative outlet!

Adventures

The interns grabbing a beer in Mancora!

There were a lot of adventures this past week! I’ll try to make this section short-ish, but there’s lots to tell :)

Last weekend was Peruvian Independence Day and, coincidentally, Brady’s birthday. All of the volunteers decided to go spend a night in the famous beach/party town of Mancora to celebrate! Mom and I had gone for a quick day trip the weekend before, so I was the only one that had  spent any time there (Isa had bussed through Mancora, but that was it). We headed out after an early lunch on Saturday, caught the combie to Talara and a van to Mancora and checked into our hostel, Palosanto Backpackers, as soon as we got there. There were seven of us, so we got a whole hostel dorm room to ourselves! The hostel had a bar, a pool, a restaurant, and a bunch of comfy hammocks. Once we were settled we headed to the beach to check out the town and the crowds (there were TONS of people ready to celebrate Peru’s independence). Music was blasting all along the beach, and we found a restaurant on the beach to grab a snack and a beer while we people watched. There were banana boats and crazy water hover boards speeding around just off the shore, and it was fun to watch some of the beginner surfers trying to stand up. After some yucca fries and our beers (have I mentioned that the beers here are 650 ml and about $2 USD and quite good?), we wandered around the booths for a bit before stopping at a convenience store to stock up for our party night. We got some Pisco, of course, because you have to drink Peru’s national liquor on their independence day! We weren’t allowed to bring the alcohol into the hostel, so we went back to the beach and hung out watching a soccer game and sipping our drinks. Isa and I bought a coconut to drink, in classic tourist fashion. The guy who sold us the coconut told us to make it a “CocoLoco” by adding some of our Pisco, which was a wonderful recommendation ;) Once the sun had set, we went and played some games in our room to pass the time and then went to find some veggie burgers for dinner. We ended up in a place that was only playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers and had a funny bartender in a big chef’s hat. The food was okay, and we wandered around afterwards trying to find the best place to celebrate. The beach was crazy, there were lights flashing and so many different bars playing different music and lots of drunk people taking pictures. There’s also a famous hostel called Loki that apparently has the craziest parties, but the line was huge so we ended up back at our hostel, which was also throwing a party. However, the party didn’t start until 1am and didn’t pick up until almost 3am, by which time most of us were fast asleep (we usually go to bed at 10 in the EcoHouse). Most of us made it until around 2 and got a bit of dancing in, but only Ale and Brady saw the true Mancora party scene, and they were out until 5am! In the morning we got our free breakfast at the hostel and hung out on the beach for a bit before gathering our things and grabbing lunch at the Black Sheep (the really yummy vegan restaurant that Mom and I went to the weekend before) and hopping on the Eppo bus home. Needless to say, the rest of that day was very chill and everyone went to bed early that night, but it was a fun adventure that brought us all closer together!

On Monday night we hiked up to the water tower for the sunset, which was nice but there was a marine layer blocking the lower part of the sunset that you could just tell was amazing! That night, a group of us had gotten back from dinner at Tranqui’s and were talking when Andres noticed a fire up the hill. A nearby house had caught fire (they figured out it was an electrical fire) and people were gathering trying to put it out (Lobitos doesn’t have a fire department). We ran to help out. It was pretty scary because this area is very dry, so the fire could have easily spread and destroyed much of Lobitos. Luckily, the community really rallied, bringing fire extinguishers and carrying buckets of water and shoveling dirt on the flames, and the fire was put out and no one was hurt. I was impressed and inspired by how many people drove from all corners of town to help fight the fire, it shows how close-knit the Lobitos community is. 

On Thursday the Directors decided to take us on a work outing to Piedritas, the little town between Lobitos and Talara, to show us the hiking trails that EcoSwell is trying to develop into an ecotourism and education destination. We spent four hours hiking the rough trails in the dry forest, spotting cool birds and other wildlife, identifying plants, jumping across a muddy stream or two, and admiring the view over the dry forest from the highest point on the trails. It was a really fun day and showed us the beauty and the potential of the area. The trail project is about to take off, so I may get to help a little with that before I leave! Maybe my trail work experience will come in handy :)

Heading out on the hike in Piedritas!

On Friday morning we had the opportunity to go jump off one of the abandoned offshore oil rigs, and most of the volunteers decided to go (including me)! Tullio, the same guy that took us fishing, loaded us and a bunch of other people from nearby hostels into his boat and we puttered off to the platform. When we got there there were two huge sea lions lying on the stairs, so we had to scare them off by yelling at them until they sleepily rolled off the platform. The oil platforms have three levels, one four meter (13 ft), one eight meter (26 ft), and one fourteen meter (46 ft). We got to choose which to jump off of, and almost everyone went off the tallest one. It was high!! But the adrenaline rush was great and no one was hurt worse than a couple of tight muscles and bruises from landing wrong (I landed well and was perfectly fine!). I’ve done a lot of cliff jumping, and it was different to jump into the big ocean waves but nice to not have to try to avoid rocks when I jumped. It was definitely an experience and took some nerve, but it was a lot of fun and now I can say that I’ve jumped off the top of an offshore oil rig! 

The oil rig we jumped off of (those stacks of tires at the bottom are about as tall as me, for reference).

I also went surfing twice in the past few days, and I’m determined to start going more often! It was a lot of fun, and both times I got up on the board at least four times. Also, the water has been really warm lately, so there’s no need for wetsuits! I’m ready to become a surfer girl :)

Finally, we went out to El Cuartel (a restaurant/hostel mom and I went to) for the first time with the EcoTeam for Isa’s last night and it was delicious! Most of the guys got veggie burgers (Ale is going vegetarian for August, yay!), I got a quinoa salad, and Isa got what looked like an amazing seafood risotto! On the way home it was pitch dark and everyone was admiring the milky way and the constellations. It was a fun night with everyone, and El Cuartel is becoming my favorite restaurant in Lobitos (though it is the furthest away from the house).

Phew! I think that covers all the adventures this week. This past weekend was really nice and chill; I spent most of the time reading (I’ve moved on to rereading the Harry Potter series), hanging out on the beach, surfing, and cooking. I’m looking forward to the next four weeks and what adventures they bring!

Looking out over the Piedritas dry forest :)

It’s been the craziest and most fun week yet, but I also have been missing home more than ever. When I can get online, the pictures of the mountains and green trees remind me of all the hikes I love in the summer and the mountain views that I love so much. I’m sad to be missing summer traditions, but this is truly an incredible experience and I’m trying my best to live in the moment! I’m sure I’ll have my fair share of mountains, trees, and views in my three weeks in Patagonia at the end of summer!

That’s all for now, miss and love you all! Look for another update next Monday :)

[kurvaaa]

I Want To Get Home Alive

I’m so fucking angry. 

I hate that women cannot walk the fucking streets and get home alive. I hate that we are harassed, assaulted, raped and killed by strangers. By the ones we love. By our family. By our friends. By authority. By the people who are supposed to care about us. By our lovers.

It hurts me so much that every woman has a story, all of us. 

Every woman is effected. Whether it’s a personal experience or someone they know. We all have stories and it’s so fucked up, yet so normal for us.

It fucking shouldn’t be.

I’m shaking while writing this, because I’m just so upset and full of rage.

Growing up, there was a male in my family who was often nasty and aggressive to me. Physically it hurt but the names he called me hurt more. But I guess, this is normal, right?

When I was younger and boys were rough in the playground, I’d often hear adults tell me “oh it means they like you!”. I genuinely believed that. 

As a kid, I’d hear sport teachers ridicule boys by saying “you throw like a girl!”. But hey, you don’t think much of it. 

I remember one time when I was only 13 years old, an older boy wolf-whistled at me when I was walking into the petrol station with my dad. That was my first real-life, uncomfortable experience. My dad shouted at him, and the boys mother said “he’s only 16!” to which my dad replied, “and she’s only 13!”. Boys will be boys, right?!

Growing into a teenager, you start to notice lingering eyes. Men staring you up and down, grinning eerily.  I remember walking to the bus stop at 14 years old, and having men in cars beep their horns, roll down their windows, whistle at me, yell out awful things, sometimes follow me. I never said much about it though, because it was kinda, normal, right? That’s just what guys do? We should take it as a compliment!

When I was 15, I caught the attention of a boy who ended up being in and out of my life for years. He was aggressive and intimidating... but no one ever said anything. In public, around all his friends, he would unclip girls bras, grab them from behind, slap their asses. No one ever said anything, though... because it was just a boy being a boy.

I started working at Coles when I was 16. Here I copped the most disgusting comments. So many men would comment on my looks, my body shape, my hair, my eyes. I know the difference between a genuine compliment and a guy being a fucking creep, and they were fucking creeps. One 40 year old guy asked me out to drinks after my shift. “I’m 16.” I replied. “That doesn’t matter love!”

There was one older man who always came in to see me. He would come right up in front of me and pull my hand close while talking to me. I would always struggle so much to free myself of his grip. “Please don’t touch me” I’d say nicely, careful not to offend him. He would ignore my plea.

I always felt so fearful catching the bus home, as I was terrified of a certain guy who was always on it. I’ll never forget the time he sat in front of me, with his head turned around, staring me up and down. His eyes were fixated on my skirt, then at my legs, then at my chest, then at my face. He sat directly in front of me, with his body turned so he could get a good view, for the entire bus ride. I felt fucking sick to my stomach.

On my 18th birthday, a guy grabbed my ass in a club and then smiled at me, like he didn’t just completely violate my body. I was told “it’s not a big deal, it happens all the time.” 

The fact someone could touch my body and think that is okay... fucking terrifies me.

One time, when I was 18, the bus driver started hitting on me. No fucking joke. I was the only one on the bus, it was a little bit late and my phone was dead, so I was already nervous. He asked me how old I was and commented on how much of an age difference there was between us. He told me he thought I was beautiful. I thanked him, but then he started to get fucking weird. He said that if he was my boyfriend he would ‘do so many nice things’ for me. He told me he’d buy me a phone and a car. He told me he would ‘look after me’. He told me he ‘had experience’ because he was older.

He then stopped the bus, got out of the bus and asked me to put my number in his phone, while he stood outside the door. I declined, but he asked again. I got up from my seat and put a fake number in his phone. My hands were shaking. He was still standing outside talking to me. He told me he wanted to take me out on a date. He even started talking about his fucking sex life. 

The whole time I smiled, gently reminded him I had a boyfriend and sat quietly so as not to anger him. Once he finally dropped me off at the stop, my boyfriend was waiting there. I started bawling my eyes out while my boyfriend yelled at me for being late. Eventually he apologised and pretended like he was angry about how I was treated. “Did you tell him you had a boyfriend?!”.

When I got back home I told my Dad about what happened, he called up the company. They said that they could tell I felt uncomfortable in the footage. Then they said, however, that they didn’t hear him say majority of the things I said he did. They didn’t hear him asking for my number, as he walked outside the bus when he asked for it. They even said that the bus driver would like to CALL ME TO APOLOGISE. What the fuck?????? Why the fuck would they think that’s appropriate?

He only got a fucking warning.

When I’d go clubbing with my partner, it was always interesting to see how guys would react. One time I sat on a chair, waiting for him while he was up at the bar and some guy put his arm around me. I tried to push his arm away, but he didn’t move until I pointed to my boyfriend. He moved away instantly, then shook his hand as if to say he was sorry for disrespecting another man’s property. 

That same boyfriend was the boy I dated for nearly 2 years. He was my first boyfriend.

When his hand forcefully collided with my body the first time, I forgave him, because I loved him. When he spat on my face, I forgave him. He cried in my arms because he felt so sorry. He told me he’d never do it again.

When I felt his knuckle land on the back of my head...I forgave him, because I loved him. Being in a toxic relationship was almost normal, anyway. My friends and I would laugh at how fucked up our relationships all were, but we all knew it wasn’t okay. A lot of my friends were stuck in emotionally/physically abusive relationships at that time too.

At 20, I decided enough was enough. It took me months and months to finally gain the courage. 

After our relationship ended, I’d often hear things like, “it was your own fault for staying with him.”

When he cheated on me, I heard things like “That’s not surprising. What did you expect? You knew he did it once.” 

“You shouldn’t have stayed with him.” 

I was made to feel so stupid.

At nearly 21, just the other week, I was alone for 5 minutes out the front of 7/11 after being out clubbing, waiting to be picked up. Three guys surrounded me while I was sitting down. We talked, they seemed nice. They asked how my night had been and I joked that I’d had way too much to drink, so I was calling it a night.

“Come home with us then.” One of the guys said. I politely declined. 

“Nah, come home with me, trust me, seriously.” He begged. 

“No thankyou!” I said, uncomfortably. He then grabbed my wrist “no, come with me” he pleaded again. I raised my voice and asked him not to touch me, as I pulled my wrist away from him. His friends didn’t say a thing.

There’s a lot more I could go into, but I’ve written enough. Some women’s stories are short, some are endless - we’ve all been through something. Even if it’s something like a guy wolf-whistling at you... it shouldn’t be treated as normal. That is not okay.

Something else that scares me is that this is just the story of a white woman in Australia. Imagine being a w.o.c, too. Imagine what it’s like for women in detention centres. Women in countries not as fortunate as ours. Women across the fucking world. It’s fucking terrifying.

Things need to change.

Sometimes we don’t even know we are being harmful, as again, things like victim-blaming and rape culture is so normalised. From birth we are almost programmed to think a certain way of women and men.

We NEED to change our thinking. We NEED to speak up. We need to learn. We need to change how we raise our kids. To the good men - please get involved. Help end the culture. Instead of protesting against OUR protests... just listen to us. Fighting for womens rights doesn’t mean we are against you, we want you to hear us.

Gender-based violence is far too common. We need to fucking do something.

[chaoswriting92]

Heaven in a wildflower

The speakers thumped a lazy symphonic beat overhead. It was supposed to be ambient and quiet, but in a way that was supposed to relax, and comfort people while they talked amongst themselves and mulled life over the coffee, or tea, of their choice. While it probably did have that effect on the customers, Changkyun found that it made him restless. There was no flow to the sound, no rhythmic timbre of voices telling a story, trying to be heard in a crowd that too often overlooks them, and he found that he hated the emptiness of it. He couldn’t wait for his shift to end. There was another battle tonight, and he was going to win this one he was sure of it. One of the guys he was supposed to face was a newcomer just like him. This should be nothing and once he faced off with this guy there was nothing standing between him and Yoongi. Yoongi had sway in the music production world. He just had to get to Yoongi and people finally would listen. He could get scouted as a lyricist and could finally take care of his family. He could make it so his father didn’t have to work so hard anymore like he had when Changkyun was growing up.  He just had to win and he could be free. 

Changkyun was tired of being stuck in Gwangju. He hadn’t always lived here, maybe that was why he wanted out so badly. His biological Mother had died when he was too young to understand, and his dad and brother had only ever claimed they’d left Korea for his dad’s work as a Hanahaki research specialist. First traveling to Israel and living there until he was five, then to the United States but when he’d turned eight years old they’d returned to Korea, and to Gwangju where his grandparents and their grandparents’ grandparents had been from. A long constant line of Lim children came from here and unless he could change that, it looked like his children would come from here too.

He wasn’t looking forward to the two-hour long train ride to Seoul for the competition tonight, but the battle, and the afterparty would no doubt be worth it. It always was, which was probably why his older brother always came with him under the pretense of giving their father peace of mind by watching his back. Yeah, he’d watch Changkyun’s back alright, Changkyun’s and every woman’s that walked by in a short skirt.

On the way home, he always passed an all-night convenience store that doubled as a flower shop before crossing the street to the bus stop, and taking the 5:00 pm bus three stops down to the residential area, and then walking the last four blocks to the path across from the train station, and walking up the stairs to the red wooden gate that separated his family’s yard from the street. Outside all you could really see is a wall with a few resilient strands of ivy and a couple of stubborn limbs that had overgrown the top of the wall to reach for the sunlight. Inside, however, there was a well-kept vegetable garden and a traditional style home that consisted of the main house and three separate structures that served as his and his brother’s bedroom, his dad’s room, and the largest belonged to his grandparents.

It was towards the main house that he was heading now. The sharp smell of spices and vegetables hit his nose and he knew his grandmother was making yukgaejang for dinner. The night was cool and peaceful with the light sound of his grandparents and his father’s voices coming from the open windows and screen door. He smiled a little and picked up his steps nearly falling sideways when his older brother came out of nowhere in particular and wrapped an arm around his neck like an oversized fishhook.

“So little brother, we going to Seoul again tonight?” His brother asked ruffling Changkyun’s hair as he often did knowing it annoyed the piss out of him.

“I’m going to Seoul, yeah. You don’t have to come with me.” Changkyun replied straightening his now mussed mop of hair before walking into the house and greeting his grandparents and father.

“You’re late.” His grandmother said stirring at the pot of food only to smack Changkyun’s brother on the knuckles when he grabbed a spoon from the drawer and attempted to scoop some of the soup out of the pot.

“Sorry Mamaw we were shorthanded again at the café.” He told her and plopped down none too gracefully at their kitchen table.

“Next time just call us. Your grandmother was worried and I’ve been busy so I can’t keep up with you kids all the time. Okay?” His father boredly muttered from where he was pouring over his notes in the corner of the large room.

“That’s enough of that. It is in the past. How about we all sit down and have some dinner? I think my one and only has out done herself this time boys,” his grandfather stood from where he had been watching TV to join Changkyun and his brother at the table. When their father made no move to leave his work the boys just rolled their eyes earning a stern look from their grandfather before he twisted to the side.

“Son that means you too.” He added only earning a noncommittal nod and the sound of more rustling pages. 

“Now Siwon! And I better not beat you to that table.” Grandma Lim ordered as she was leaving the kitchen holding the large pot careful not to burn herself on the sides.

“Honey give the man some slack he is working hard for his family.” His grandfather spoke sweetly to the woman who pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him in return.

“Don’t ‘honey’ me. You told him to come to the table he should come to the damn table. While you are at it Siwon grab bowls for everyone. It is only fair since you let the soup get colder.” She said her stern brown eyes zeroing in on the boys’ father as he was halfway to sitting down. Their father, Siwon, scoffed and earned a death glare from his father as well as his mother.

“Who taught you to scoff at your mother? Go get the bowls before I grab them and beat you over the head with it for disrespecting my one and only like that. Geez make me lose my appetite to see that.” Their grandfather grumbled and the two boys barely managed to stifle their laughter. Their grandfather looked up and started chuckling lightly himself and shook his head.

When their grandmother started giggling herself and the sounds of their father grumbling like a scolded child hit their ears they couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of them in the hysteria of it all. His father was even laughing when he came back into the room and sat down at the table taking care to hand the individual bowls to the boys’ grandmother. Her sleeve stretched up revealing a small cluster of flowers tattooed on her wrist and Changkyun smiled as he looked over to his grandfather who had an identical mark on his hand. It was a sign that the two were destined for each other. It was their soulmate mark and it would be there forever. It had always struck Changkyun as a reminder that he had purpose on this planet. Those two people met so that his parents could fall in love and bring them all together for moments like this.  It also made him wonder something about his father now that he thought about it, but he knew better than to ask about his mom.

“Thanks, mamaw the soup is amazing. I think grandpa was right about it. You’ve outdone yourself.”  Changkyun said grinning.

“Hasn’t anyone ever taught you that sucking up to people is a bad thing.” Their father teased his youngest son and the rest of the table laughed at the embarrassed grimace on Changkyun’s face. Times like these made him happier as a father than anything. Both Changkyun and Jaehwan were technically adults now, and he felt a familiar mix of sadness and anger that their mother hadn’t been there to witness it mix in with his happiness.

“Dad is everything okay?” His youngest son looked at him with concern when He accidentally set his spoon down a little too hard.

“It’s fine. Finish your food. Don’t you boys have a competition to get to?” Siwon asked pointing at the off-center clock behind them.

“Crap. Come on you idiot we’re going to be late!” Changkyun practically swatted the spoon out of Jaehwan’s hand and snatched up his jacket rushing out the door. The train station was back past where he worked and if they missed the train to Seoul they missed the competition because another one wouldn’t show for two hours.

The two boys ran as fast as their legs would carry them whooping and hollering all the way down towards the train station.  A few times one or the other would even stumble earning a taunt from his brother, but they made it with mere moments to spare.

“We almost missed the train because of your slow ass you know.” Jaehwan teased.

“Me? I’m not the one who crashed into the convenience store’s trash cans.” Changkyun threw back at him laughing at the memory of having to drag his brother away from where the clerk had been beating him with a broom for knocking the cans over.

“Hey, come on, That doesn’t count! You pushed me into it! Aish cramping my style before we even get to the club.” He complained shoving at the younger boy trying to throw him off balance from where he was holding the bar.

“The falling into the trash can made you smell better. I don’t see how you can wear that cologne and still get a date. Also, ‘cramping my style’? what are you 40?” Changkyun replied shrugging and tightening his grip so he didn’t fall on the woman sleeping in the seats behind him. Her light snores showed that she was resting peacefully, and remembering the last time they’d been on the train with her and woken her up the last thing he wanted to do was wake her again.

“So, who are you supposed to be going against tonight little brother?” Jaehwan asked. The woman stirred behind them at the almost too loud question and they both winced.

“I don’t know. Mark again and some guy named Jooheon I think. He’s new, but the rumor is he’s been tearing his way up the underground scene and is no joke. You actually going to watch this time or are you meeting up with that girl from last time?” Changkyun’s voice held a teasing air to it and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively when he mentioned the girl from last time. A loud snort of laughter burst from his brother and he joined in with his own loud rumbling laughter.

“There are people trying to sleep you brats! Do you kids have no manners?!” the formerly sleeping woman’s shrill voice came from behind them earning a loud yelp, and Changkyun clumsily scrambling away because he was startled. His brother only laughed harder and Changkyun hit him over the head.

The train finally came to a stop at the right station and the two of them scrambled off still mumbling apologies to the woman in between fits of laughter and shoving each other around. If you would have asked her she’d deny it, but Changkyun could have sworn there had been a small amused smile on her face when they got off the car.

When they arrived at the right club Changkyun went over to where the other rappers were and was met by a loud and cheerful greeting.

“I.M. you made it. We were beginning to worry you’d finally chickened out.”  Mingyu said clasping his hand and giving him a short hug before letting him regain his balance.

“Not a chance.” Changkyun replied and grinned.

“I don’t know man if I were going to pick a night to back out it would be tonight. I heard you’re facing Yoongi for the final if you beat Jooheon. I’m telling you I.M he freaking mopped the floor with Vernon last week.” Mingyu stage whispered and Vernon leveled him with a glare. Mingyu just smiled at his best friend and Vernon turned back to the pretty brunette girl that he was talking to. Changkyun thought that he noticed the flash of a flower on Vernon’s arm and saw a mark on the girl next to him.

“Did Vern get marked?” He asked looking closer at the way that the two of them were standing together.

“Yeah, stupid idiot is always losing things. Last week he lost his wallet at a coffee shop and that girl Jennie came running out after him, and now here we are. I mean would you look at that sap? If I hadn’t mentioned the battle against Jooheon he would have never looked up at us.” Mingyu replied. This time his voice was kept low and serious. The marks weren’t something that people really talked about often. Not after high school when they all learned the real cost of being tied to someone else and what could happen if it all went wrong.

“At least he’s happy. I mean some people never meet their soulmate. That’s got to be worse, right?  We should practice. I heard you have to go against Jooheon before he can get to me and I have to get past that guy Mark.” Changkyun changed the subject not wanting to get further on the subject of incompletes.

“Yeah. Jeez they really are trying to knock you out of the competing circles, tonight, aren’t they? I mean I knew about Jooheon and Agust D, but Mark too? Shit if you get past this you deserve Yoongi’s spot. Let’s just hope your brother can keep out of trouble tonight.” Vernon had finally escaped his soulmate long enough to catch up with the others and had just barely heard Changkyun mention Mark’s name.

“I’m not worried. I mean Mark’s good, but he only just barely beat Coups last time. It’s Yoongi I’m not too sure I can take head to head.” Changkyun admitted.

“If what Vernon’s been telling me is true if anyone can beat Yoongi its you, or Namjoon. I mean I think Lisa could at least take BamBam, but since she’s in the girl’s competition that would be a challenge.” A girl’s sweet voice hit Changkyun’s ears and he turned around.

“Oh, sorry guys this is Jennie. She’s my soulmate. Hey Mingyu, I just found out that her and a friend have been performing in the girl’s competition for the past month. I can’t believe we didn’t meet before yesterday, can you?” Vernon asked. Mingyu rolled his eyes at Vernon’s excited tone and gesturing. It really wasn’t like Vern to be this animated, but Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to stop him. It was clear though that if Mingyu had to hear about Jennie one more time he was going to explode. Mingyu hadn’t known Vernon all his life but for the last few years of high school and starting university the two had been inseparable brothers and Changkyun guessed that having Vernon be all about Jennie wasn’t going to be easy on him.

“Hey Vern, me and Mingyu are going to head over to the stage area Minhyuk should start calling for competitors soon.” Changkyun said interrupting his friend’s boisterous monologue about his soulmate.

“Oh… right. Do you guys want me to come with you?” Vernon looked over his shoulder at Jennie where she was waiting.

“Nah man. You go have fun with your girl. Come on Mings we got battles to win.” Changkyun chuckled a little and slung an arm over Mingyu’s shoulder before heading towards the stage.

“Hey Mingyu, I.M.!” Vernon called out over the crowd noise and the two turned back to look at him.

“Thanks, I owe you one!” He shouted again and gave a wide smile before running over and lifting the small woman up in his arms and kissing her like she held the very air he breathed.

“Come on let’s leave them to it man.” Changkyun said turning the younger boy back to their destination.

“Are you guys ready or not?!” A higher pitched male voice rang out over the crowd then spurred loud cheering. Changkyun had to resist the urge to laugh at his friend’s mc skills. To be honest even though he was a great radio host Minhyuk didn’t really suit the rap battle MC type. As far as Changkyun could tell he didn’t particularly like it either, but you did what you had to do to pay the bills right? It was the same reason that Changkyun himself had two part-time jobs. All he really wanted was to be a songwriter but instead he was a barista, and a motorcycle delivery person.

“Okay, okay, will you settle down please? Now before I introduce the first competitors I have to welcome back our reigning champions. As for our first champion she is a special lady who goes harder than some of the men I know and most definitely the Queen of hearts here ladies and gentlemen can I get a big round of applause for our baddest female, CL!!!” Minhyuk announced the woman and she came out smiling brightly at the crowd wearing a fuzzy oversized coat and heels, but not much else.

“You know if I hadn’t heard her myself I would have never guessed.” Mingyu leaned in next to Changkyun and earned a laugh from the older boy. Mingyu did have a point though this girl didn’t seem like much of a threat at first glance, but looks were deceiving in her case.

“Alright. Alright boys calm yourselves her soulmate is in the world somewhere,” Minhyuk said earning the laughter of the crowd.

 “Okay next up, though he lacks a little in the dancing department he makes up for it by being the dimpled cutie who’s a monster on the mic please welcome back RM!!!!!!” At the sound of his name a guy with a swaggered walk and a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes came up on stage. During the daytime if you crossed him he was usually in a suit, but now he was wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans with holes in the knee and a pair of bright red converse high-top shoes. His hair was a dirty blond color now instead of the purple shade it had been a couple weeks before and Changkyun thought this color suited him better.

“Okay not to cut things short but we do have a battle to get to so its time to introduce the last of our underground champions. A couple months ago he was the new kid that knocked T.O.P out of his underground king title with his tongue technology and he is still killing it as the fastest rapper with the smile sweet as sugar. Ladies and bros Agust D!!!!” Minhyuk introduced and what he said next was overtaken by cheers. I.M. and Mingyu whooped and hollered along with the rest of them. Back stage everyone supported each other and had even grown to be friends, but once he hit that stage Yoongi would be his competition and nothing more. Yoongi was shorter than RM, but he was still a full head taller than the tiny framed man that he called his soulmate. He’d dyed his hair white again recently. At this rate he was sure to have it fall out, but who was Changkyun to judge?

After a few more jokes and chatter from the champions on stage Minhyuk finally moved to announce the first round of challengers. The first up were Vernon and Jackson, followed by J-hope and S-Coups, then Mingyu and Jooheon hit the stage, and finally it was his turn to face off against Mark. Minhyuk passed him on the way down and patted him on the shoulder.

“Hey Kyunnie, one more thing,” Minhyuk called before he made it to the top step.

“What’s that?” Changkyun asked with a light scoff.

“You lose this round to Tuan and you are making me Minnie Mochas for the next month while I replay the video of your dumbstruck face.” Minhyuk gave him the biggest smile and laughed a little and Changkyun couldn’t help, but laugh with him.

“Call, but just for that you little shit if I beat him no more Minnie Mochas for the next two months.” Changkyun said, saluted, and ran up the rest of the stares with his friend still floundering like a fish behind him. Minhyuk had grown up with him in Gwangju and when the two of them started high school they met Kihyun who had turned out to be the missing piece to an already perfect friendship. A few years passed and when graduation came around Kihyun got an internship with a photography company in Seoul and Minhyuk moved to an apartment up there as well to be closer to the college. The offer had always been there for Changkyun to move with him, but about the time he was going to his grandfather became sick and could no longer run the café, so he continued his classes online and took up the slack. It wasn’t his dream, but he was happy running things from the background and being able to help his family. He made it up to where Mark was standing and gave him a cocky sort of smirk.

“Heads or tails man.” The DJ asked him. He was about to answer when he heard someone cussing and his brother’s voice telling the guy to calm down. He looked over just in time to see Jae get clocked in the jaw. Damn it. Why did he have to be like this?

“Mark your win. I forfeit.” He hopped off the stage, and ran headlong shoving between the crowd until he reached the guy who was now on top of his brother slamming his fist down hard into his face.

“Jae when are you ever going to learn?”  He asked, and the girl’s boyfriend paused his pride defending overkill to look back at him.

“Get lost pipsqueak this doesn’t concern you.” The stranger stood, and he was taller and wider than Changkyun had originally expected. Fuck. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“Now see, that’s where you’re wrong, I just had to forfeit the first round because you and your dumb ass friends here attacked my brother over a girl who isn’t even your soulmate. It’s sad, really, if she was willing to let my brother cross the line over a drink she’d leave you in a heartbeat.”  He’d leaned up against the bar and adopted a mocking tone.  The big man looked at his girlfriend whose eyes shifted filled with guilt at being caught.  While the big guy was focused on her Changkyun moved to help his brother off the ground. Minhyuk and his friend Kihyun came over to help and a crowd of curious club goers was already starting to form wondering why Changkyun had left the stage.

“You’d really leave me just like that?” The guy demanded shock clear in his voice and all thoughts of Jaehwan or Changkyun leaving his mind. She used it as an opportunity and wrapped her arms around his waist with a sweet smile.

“Of course not, baby. Are you really going to believe that smart mouthed pipsqueak over me?” She asked turning the tables and giving changkyun a devilish smirk when he got caught trying to get his brother away from them. Shit.

“Why can’t you ever find a nice small-town girl in the café you idiot? Min, Ki, take him, will you?” Changkyun passed his brother off to the two of them and turned around to face the guy who was now seething. His girlfriend had her hands on his waist standing behind him now, and two of his friends who’d watched the entire affair were now moving from their drinks at the bar and preparing to get up if he even looked like he would lose the fight. Why did idiots like this come in threes?

“You really want to start a fight like this? Three on one?” he asked trying to gauge what Jolly green was going to throw at him first.   The first thing he felt was a heavy thud right into his chest as he was tackled. The two of them went careening back towards the bar and stools were being knocked over almost faster than the patrons could climb out of them to get out of harms way. Even with that Changkyun had luckily been able to get the upper hand feeling flesh and bone shift between the punches and returns that each of them were throwing. He was getting hauled off the guy when others started to join the fight in his defense. Vernon on one side with Jennie watching worriedly from the crowd with what had to be Lisa holding her back and a guy he didn’t recognize. He couldn’t really see the other guy all that well just a tuft of blond hair and broad shoulders, but the fight broke out again with a vengeance as more people got involved trying to either protect their friends or their girlfriends from being hurt.

All Changkyun really could focus on was staying upright and not getting hit again. Everywhere he would turn it seemed like another person was there with a flying fist and a problem with him because they were friends with that first guy. He was busy blocking a hit that was meant for his jaw when something hard slammed into his ribs throwing him and the man who’d tried to hit him off balance. This time though instead of his friends a bouncer was the one to help him up. He and his brother along with the initial three were escorted to the door nursing injuries and being fretted over by different women and friends.

The owner followed them all out to the door and stopped just inside the frame. “I should press charges but since nothing but a couple of glasses were broken and none of the patrons or staff were hurt to badly consider this a warning. All of you are banned for two weeks. If after that I see any of you in here causing trouble that’s it. I will stop allowing these events to be held here. Do you understand?” He asked crossing his arms. Each of them glanced between each other and nodded. Any fight they had was settled inside the club. Now all they wanted to do was get home and nurse their injuries.

When Changkyun woke up the next morning everything ached, and his head was pounding as he stumbled out of bed. Was it just him or had that alarm clock gotten louder? He didn’t think he’d had that many drinks the night before. In fact, he only remembered having the one before the battle had started and then all hell broke loose. Damn his brother for his uncanny ability to charm women and his short temper. He really couldn’t take him anywhere at this rate. Gravel crunched under Changkyun’s shoes as he headed from his bedroom to the main house where he could hear food cooking in the kitchen, and music on the radio pouring out the door. That’s weird his grandmother hated having the volume up that high. Come to think of it he hadn’t seen his brother when he woke up that morning so maybe it was him in the kitchen.

                “Well if it isn’t Mike Tyson himself.” His brother teased when he walked in.

                “Dude can you turn that thing down? If Grandma Lim hears that we’re both dead.” Changkyun pointed to the radio and frowned when his brother looked at him like he was crazy.

                “Earth to idiot. The radio is too loud.” Changkyun repeated and snapped his fingers in front of his brother’s face.

                “Changkyun the radio is almost all the way off. How hard did you get hit last night?” The second Jaehwan told him about the radio it was like a switch flipped in his mind and all the sounds that had been too loud to bear before were a mere static in the background.

                “Whatever little brother, hey while you’re standing there can you put the spices back in the cabinet?” His brother said pointing to a series of vials and jars that went into the overhead cabinet to Changkyun’s left.

                “Yeah, sure thing.” The younger boy said. Changkyun picked up a few of them and moved to put them up when a sharp pain wracked through his left side and into his chest making it hard to breathe for a moment. The bottles clattered back to the counter and his brother rushed to his side.

“Are you alright? What the hell just happened? Changkyun? Changkyun!” His brother’s eyes filled with panic as he yanked and twisted him trying to figure out why his arms would just give out like that.

“My ribs.” Changkyun wheezed. It felt like someone had stuffed a sub-woofer in his chest and turned the bass all the way up the way his muscles and nerves were throbbing.

“What?!” His brother’s worried demand warred with the sound of his pulse in his ears. Oh god he was going to pass out if this kept up. Broken ribs didn’t normally hurt this bad. He tried remembering the last time he’d had a rib injury in a taekwondo class when he was a kid. It had hurt, but he hadn’t blacked out from it. Why did this feel different, and why this morning instead of when he got hit last night?  This was insane, right? What’s…. going… on? His mind slowed, and he registered one last thing, it felt too warm. Everything was too warm, and he felt like there was a weight laying on him, and it was all way too freaking warm. Then, after a moment that seemed to stretch out too long everything went black.

There was a sharp smell irritating his nose. He blinked a couple times and tried to pull away from whatever was making that acid sting in his nostrils. When Changkyun finally opened his eyes, and focused he was met by the worried faces of his family.

“Welcome back to the land of the living. Can you tell me your name?” A bright voice met his ears and he turned to face a woman in an EMT uniform. Decaf mocha with two pumps of caramel. His mind registered where he’d heard her voice before as the fog was clearing from his head. She had light brown hair, chocolate colored eyes and usually wore nurse’s scrubs when she came in. Her name was Bora or something like that.

“Lim Changkyun. What happened?”  Changkyun looked around again absorbing the details of the emergency crew and his family member’s worried expressions scattered around the kitchen.

“Honestly I was hoping you could tell us that. Your brother said you were complaining about a pain in your ribs when you collapsed.” She prompted no doubt trying to get him to remember the events from before he wound up on the floor.

“Yeah, last night Jae and I went to an event in Seoul. I got into a fight and someone elbowed me in the ribs. I didn’t think anything of it for real. I mean I was winded when it happened, so I probably could’ve gotten it checked out. My brother and I were both tired, and it was late, so we came home instead.” Changkyun muttered trying to remember everything that happened from the night before.

“Mind if I look?” She asked pointing to his shirt. He nodded then   winced when her fingers and the fabric from the shirt scraped across his tender skin and earned a sympathetic look from the male EMT that had come with Bora.

“Whoever it was they got you pretty good.” The male EMT chuckled a little trying to lighten the mood when he saw the bruise, but he earned a glare from Changkyun’s grandmother instead.

“Apparently. I can’t say anything for sure, but it looks like you have a small contusion on your ribs.” Bora said looking at the place with concern and consideration.

“A what now?” His brother asked.

“It means his ribs are bruised.” Changkyun’s father was the one to explain and Changkyun could see his grandparents visibly relax upon finding out that he wasn’t seriously injured.

“That’s correct, but I think I know why it affected him so strongly as well. Has anything else happened this morning since you woke up?” Bora asked him waiting for the answer and bobbing a little to keep her legs from giving out in the crouched position she was still in from waking him.  She was going through the motions now checking the rest of him for the signs of a concussion or another injury that could have been caused by the fall this morning instead of the fight from the night prior.

“Like what?” Changkyun looked at his dad hoping that he could clear up what she was really trying to ask, but his father only shrugged.

“like a sound that isn’t normally noticeable being obnoxiously loud, or something you normally like eating tasting different, or even a light being too bright for your eyes.” Bora said.

“No? I mean there was that incident with the alarm clock and the radio this morning, and that weird moment before I passed out, but so what? I had a couple of drinks last night and was a little hung over this morning.” Changkyun shrugged. She giggled a little when he said the bit about being hung over and Changkyun could feel his annoyance bubbling up.  

“Is there a point to these questions?” His grandfather finally spoke up. Changkyun had watched him shift back and forth for the past couple of minutes eyes glancing around at the different people and the urge to check on Changkyun for himself plain on the older man’s face. His grandfather didn’t like hospitals, and if Changkyun was being honest with himself, having all these EMTs and the equipment in his home couldn’t be making his grandfather any more comfortable with the idea.

“There is sir. Your grandson’s mark has appeared.” The woman replied. She was smiling like she’d expected them all to be happy, but the smile faltered when she was only met with pure and utter shock.

“What?! No… no it didn’t. How could it? I would’ve known if I… If they… There are signs for this type of thing! I wouldn’t have left the club if I had… if they had…” He was trying to breathe in between the words and panic that kept coming in waves. Changkyun had to grit his teeth against the pain when he twisted to see the place on his side where she was looking. Sure enough, there in the middle of all the reddish discoloring of the bruise was the image of a single red rose in full bloom.  Great. He hated roses.

Changkyun tried to search his mind for when he could have gotten the mark, and who could have the match to it, but the night be for had been an overwhelming blur of possible answers. Not only had he gotten elbowed there by god only knows who, but his friends, and girls he’d never even met had been surrounding him and making sure he was okay. Those were just the ones he remembered. There were probably countless others from the time he’d arrived at the club with his brother to the time he left. Changkyun couldn’t hold himself like that any longer and remain conscious so he just let himself flop back against the cabinet groaning in protest against the shift of his weight around the injured muscle and the throbbing that was echoed by the sound of his pulse in his ears.

“Why does it feel like this? I feel like I went three rounds in a ring with that MMA fighter from Seoul, and lost.” Changkyun laughed off his embarrassment at still sitting on the floor with the joke.

“To be honest it could be any number of things, but my best guess is that the person who gave you the bruise is your soulmate. To be honest though it seems like the injury isn’t severe so if you don’t think you need to come with us to the hospital we can leave you and your family to talk.” Bora smiled at him and waited for a moment. Changkyun thought about it then shook his head.

“I’m good. I’ll make sure to save you a Decaf Mocha at the café next time you come by.” Changkyun said then held a hand out to his brother who moved to help him stand.

“Thanks. I guess we’ll get going then. It seems like you all have a lot to discuss. If you have any more problems don’t be afraid to come by the hospital or go to a clinic to get checked up. In the mean time I would suggest calling work and letting them know that you can’t work anything harder than the register for the next couple of days. It will be too overwhelming for you right now because of the bond. Come on Taeil.” Bora said standing and walking out the door with the other EMT in tow. She moved her fingers through her hair and shifted some behind her ear where Changkyun noticed a small baby’s breath mark by her ear. So, she did know what he was going through. He didn’t have to wonder long about who her soulmate could be when he looked up and saw the way that her partner, Taeil, looked at her. He looked at her like she carried all the answers to the world and the smile she returned to him could have rivaled the sun in Taeil’s eyes. The two of them left with a wave, but not another word. The door slid home behind them and Changkyun breathed a sigh of relief that the pain was no longer blinding, and he was back to just hearing the normal buzz of the house.

“Who was it?” Changkyun’s father was the first to break the silence.

“What?” Changkyun asked. He was still feeling confused and with the door closed there was now a sharp acrid smell filling the kitchen. Jaehwan must have burnt whatever it was he’d been cooking earlier.

“Your soulmate. Who is it?” His father asked again getting his familiar ‘work scowl’ as Changkyun had come to recognize it.

“I don’t know.” Changkyun said.

“It’s your soulmate how can you ‘not know’?” His father pressed.

“Dad, last night was a bit of a mess. I got into a fight and it got out of-” Jaehwan started trying to defend his little brother, but his father raised a hand silencing him.

“Changkyun. Think about it carefully. Who hit you? Was it a woman? A man?”

“I don’t know dad. I mean seriously I just found out my rib isn’t actually broken and that I have a giant rose on my side. Look I need some air. I’ll see you when I get home.” Changkyun said walking towards the door.

“How can you just not know?!” His father repeated his voice raising. Changkyun stopped in the door frame and turned back around.

                “I just don’t, alright? Do you know how many times I had someone touch that spot last night? I sure as hell don’t! Jesus this wasn’t even my fault. If Jaehwan hadn’t gotten in the fight with that girl’s boyfriend I wouldn’t have jumped in and we’d be having a normal Saturday morning right now,” Changkyun snapped.

                “Don’t talk to your father like that.” His Grandmother defended.

                “Whatever, I have to call work anyway. I was supposed to drive today, but that is apparently out of the question now.” Changkyun replied then walked out of the door dialing his phone as he went. When his boss for the delivery service finally let him off for the day and he made sure to check that he actually was off the schedule at the café that day he plopped down on the floor to his room. He had already rolled up the sleeping mat and that left the floor bare and a few sparse pieces of furniture around the room in a sort of spot the difference mirror image of each other one side for him and the other for his older brother Jaehwan. A soulmate. Somewhere out there his soulmate was either sitting there just like he was wondering what went wrong or… No he refused to think like that. His soulmate would be missing him too and wracking their brain for his face the way he was for theirs. Maybe he could call the club? His thumb hesitated over the dial button after he searched the number up but he eventually just exited out and let out a cry of frustration. There was a knock on the door and he thought his eardrums were going to bust.

                “hey! Do you have to be so loud; what the hell?!” Changkyun demanded. His brother opened the door and he heard a distinct creak in the hinges that he hadn’t noticed before. Probably because he hadn’t been mutating like an X-men character at the time.

                “Thought you might want some water.” His brother was whispering, Changkyun could tell from the way his voice sounded, but that was the only indicator since he sounded as loud as he normally did. This would get annoying quickly. Changkyun thought to himself not noticing that he couldn’t hear or wasn’t paying attention to what Jaehwan had said.

 “Water? Geez even with bionic hearing you don’t listen.” Jaehwan muttered.

“Sorry, and yeah sure I’d love some.” Changkyun held his arm out reaching for the bottle. His brother handed it to him then plopped down next to him and opened his bottle taking a large drink from it. Changkyun moved to do the same and before he could get the cap off it felt like his hand was burning as if he’d spilled coffee on it.

“Ah! Ah ah ah! Damn it!” He dropped the bottle and water spilled all over his shirt and jeans making them stick to his skin in odd places.

“What happened?” Jaehwan said running to get a towel and moping up the spill before it could soak into the wood. Changkyun was busy blowing on his hand and shaking it trying to get it to cool off, and stop stinging when he could have sworn he heard the distinct sound of someone muttering about the tv volume and their girlfriend waking up. Staring at the bottle of water in confusion something his soulmate education class teacher had said finally dawned on him. His soulmate. That person spilled coffee on themselves. Maybe that explained what he’d felt earlier too.

“Am I supposed to have all this weird shit happening to me at one time?” He looked to his brother like he might have some answers, but there was nothing.

“How the hell should I know? As far as I’m concerned besides dad, and grandma and grandpa Lim, you are the expert here. What are you going to do about finding your soulmate? I don’t exactly think running around Seoul lifting your shirt up is going to work,” Jaewhan said. Changkyun laughed at the thought and sighed when his ribs throbbed in response.

“Anyway, at least I know one thing. Whoever it is likes coffee.” He kept the part about the girlfriend to himself not wanting to alarm his brother, or bring up the possibility that his soulmate was either male or a lesbian. He hated the idea of having someone bound to him that would never be able to love him.  “It happened sometimes,” his dad had told him once when he asked, but had refused to answer when Changkyun asked what happened to those people.

Working in the Hanahaki Reasearch and Treatment Foundation his father knew all too well what happened when soul bonds went horribly horribly wrong. It didn’t happen often enough that it was a real threat to public health, but it did happen. Hanahaki, or the Blossom Disease as some called it, was the result of a damaged soul bond. It caused the afflicted person to have an excess of flower petals in the lungs until there were too many to breathe and they suffocated. There was also an even rarer strain of the disease that had a completely different effect on the afflicted person, but there had only ever been one record of that strain and it remained incomplete because the doctor writing it had been her own subject in that case and died in a freak car accident before she could complete her work. Some people just had rotten luck.

“Yo, Kyunnie you even listening?” His brother smacked him on the arm and he glared before realizing that he’d gotten lost in his train of thought again.

“What?” He asked delayed like he usually was when he had been thinking too hard about something.

“How do you know they like coffee?” Jaehwan asked again.

“My hand. It felt like I got burned by a coffee spill. My teacher in high school mentioned something about feeling things that your soulmate feels. I think that person spilled coffee or something on their hand.” Changkyun told him.

“dude that’s got to suck. What if she gets on her time of the month? Or when you two have kids?” Leave it to Jaehwan to think about these things. Right now though all Changkyun could think about was what the club owner said. Banned for two weeks. How was he supposed to find that person if he couldn’t return to the place he lost them?

Jooheon woke up feeling too warm. His hair was sticking to his neck and his lungs couldn’t seem to get enough room to inhale quite the way he needed to get oxygen. His ribs felt bruised and tender and something was weighing down on him and keeping him pinned to the bed. He opened his eyes and realized that the unfamiliar weight was that of his girlfriend’s body.

“what the hell?” he muttered and shifted to sit up. She grumbled and rolled off of him and hugged onto the pillow on her other side like always without even waking up to register what she was doing.   He took in a giant lungful of air and slumped against the cool headboard reveling in the cool air that had taken her place. It was strange. He couldn’t remember ever overheating this badly when he slept with her. Not since the first few nights before they’d really started dating, but they hadn’t actually slept much during that time either.

He smiled down at her when a too loud snore escaped her sleeping for then decided he would go and make coffee knowing full well that she and his roommates would be sluggish without it. He didn’t mind rooming with Hoseok and Hyeonwoo and he loved having his girlfriend stay over, but without the coffee as a peace offering the three of them were intolerable. Some mornings she was sluggish without that first cup of coffee and he found it adorable, but others those cute sluggish mornings were sharp barbs, and whines that the others were a waste of his time. Then the inevitable of his friends telling him they didn’t get why he stayed with her if she was such a bitch as soon as she left for work always followed. He would rather deal with the bitter tasting kisses to that any day.

After he got the coffee started he turned on the TV to the usual news channel and almost broke the remote trying to turn it back off. God which one of those assholes turned it up so loud if he woke Joy now she’d never calm down. He tried turning it on again ready to mute it so that he could turn the volume down but found there was no need. The volume was barely audible above the bubbling of the coffee pot.  

A door creaked from across the apartment and his roommate’s pale muscular chest came into view from the door. A towel was wrapped around his waist and his hair was damp. He wandered into the kitchen and stuck a bagel in the toaster then nodded at Jooheon.

“Jesus Wonho put some clothes on, will you? Joy is sleeping in my room.” Jooheon said finally focusing on what his best friend was, or rather wasn’t wearing.

“You’re just worried that if she sees all of this she’s going to leave you.” Hoseok teased walking back around to the toaster and catching the bagel as it popped into the air from the toaster and took a bite wiggling his eyebrows at Jooheon.

“Trust me her leaving me after seeing your pale ass is the least of my worries. Her going blind might be a more likely worry. Here take this and clothes.” Jooheon said passing a mug of coffee to his friend and shoving him lightly in the direction of his room. It was quiet once again and he started mixing up the ingredients for pancakes when the front door opened.

“Nice run?” Jooheon looked up from the pancakes to his other roommate. Shownu nodded and took a large drink from his water bottle. The MMA fighter always woke up ahead of everyone he had to train and stay in shape even when he wasn’t scheduled to fight. Hyunwoo was quiet compared to Hoseok and Jooheon supposed that was why this whole arrangement worked out. The only thing that disrupted it in the others’ opinion was Joy. At the thought of her passing through Jooheon’s mind she wandered into the room. She was a sight even rumpled from sleep she’d thrown on one of his t-shirts before coming out and it brushed delicately against her thighs almost like the designer dresses she favored so much. He was distracted from what he was doing, and coffee splashed over the top of the mug burning his hand.

“Ah shit!” The mug clattered to the ground and coffee spilled everywhere. He shook what was left of the rapidly cooling liquid off his hand damage already done and walked over to the sink to rinse the burn.

                “What happened?” She had run to the edge of the kitchen and was looking at the mess and Jooheon with concern.

                “I just burned my hand that’s all. No need to worry. Don’t step in here though, okay? I don’t want you to cut your foot on the glass.” Jooheon said his hand still under the running water.

“Okay I won’t, but Jooheonie do you mind pouring up some more coffee? I don’t want to be mean, but you did just tell me to stay out of the kitchen.”  She leaned over the counter a little and batted her eyelashes at him. Shownu rolled his eyes and just joined Jooheon in the kitchen poured up a mug of coffee and handed it to her without a word. She gave him an annoyed look, but took the mug anyway and sashayed her way back into Jooheon’s room.

                “why do you let her treat you like that man? You’re her boyfriend not a slave.” Hyunwoo asked breaking his silence and bending down to help Jooheon get the bigger pieces of glass.

                “What am I supposed to do man? Wait for my soulmate to just pop out of thin air? I can’t do that. I can’t wait for someone who may be a million miles away.” Joheon said. Even as he said it he wondered if he would ever find that person. Everyone had someone, but his father’s drunken words came back to haunt him. Who in their right mind would love someone like you?