#i was straight up like uhhh. (is this gonna affect whether i can change the indicator...)

[lokh]

oh wait. i just remembered that while i was getting my blood drawn and asked to have the sex indicator changed (kept fucking up the reference ranges) the technician asked if i was born male and when i was like uhh no she was like oh ok thats fine. so are you in the middle of transitioning or are you done

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 questions survey series–part forty-two

These surveys always take me so long to get through, hence why I took such a long break from them. The questions are just too much at times and some are just plain annoying. But, I’ll try and finish it eventually. A couple of you have been taking it lately, so I figured I’d start up again.

4001. How would you rate your sex drive? It’s been non-existent the past few years, honestly.  4002. You are sitting alone with a stack of videos and a vcr. Of the following which are you most likely to puut on (1 is most, 10 is least) I’m just gonna bold which one I’d likely watch out of all of ‘em...

The good the bad and the ugly, dracula, slc punk, twin peaks fire walk with me, jerry springer too hot for tv, singing in the rain, flash gordon, the matrix, blade runner, the muppet movie 4003. Are you more likley to get or send random instant messages? I receive nice messages more often than I receive random ones. I got a rude one recently; however, about how I’m still a 31 year old virgin. Does it affect their life? No. So, don’t worry about it. *eye roll* I do get a lot of random comments on my surveys from su*ar da**ies, though... super annoying. 4004. If you were writing an ad telling people to come to your town what would you say about it? I wouldn’t write such an ad. My town sucks. 4005. What part of your body can you not stand to get an itch on? One that’s hard to reach.

4006. How many people do you suppose have stolen that System of a Down album called 'steal this album'? I haven’t heard anything about that, I’m not even familiar with that album of theirs. I’m there were people who tried/did.  4007. Name a band you like: Linkin Park. What are/were this band's roots and influences? Zeppelin, Run DMC, Public Enemy, Rage Against the Machine, Depeche Mode. 4008. would you rather have a poster of john lennon or a cute fuzzy black cat? Cute fuzzy black cat. 4009. make a public service announcement: Wear a mask! 4010. What makes you feel the need to escape? Just the need for a change of scenery and to help take my mind off things a bit for a little while. I’m sad I couldn’t go to the beach at all this summer because that’s my one place where I’m able to relax at all and just zone out. 4011. You and your signifigant other, crush, interest etc...who is the ernie and who is the bert? I don’t have any of those. 4012. When was the last time you did something and later asked yourself 'did I do the right thing?'? I hate when I forget if I took my medicine or not. I end up taking it, questioning and hoping that I didn’t already take it. I feel so robotic at times and like I’m just living life on autopilot, so things like that tend to happen. 4013. What do you find it hard to say goodbye to? I have a hard time getting rid of things because of my emotional attachment to them. 4014. What is your fantasy valentine's day like? I’ll admit it, it would be nice to experience a Valentine’s Day with someone and actually do something. It’s always been just another day for me. 4015. If you had to have a color for a name, what color would it be? Jade. 4016. Should preference be given to minority students during the college admission process? I think everyone should have the same opportunity.  4017. Sweet wine, fresh crisp appples, bagles with creme cheese and lox...what is the most incredibly luxurious food? I don’t know about those options, but if I were to think of luxurious foods I’d think of like expensive wine, cheeses, fresh fruits, and seafood like caviar and lobster and whatnot. I’m picky so I personally don’t care for fancy foods. 4018. Is there really anything to fear in communism? I don’t know enough about communism and socialism and all that to speak on it. 4019. Best sesame street character: Uhh, Big Bird. most annoying sesame street character: Elmo can be a little annoying sometimes. 4020. feast or famine? I don’t need to overindulge and have excess, I just would like to be able to have food.  4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less: Nah. 4022. Do you stay and help clean up after a party? I usually was one to leave early. 4023. Why was the teddy bear named after teddy roosevelt? His name was Theodore, Teddy for short, and apparently while out on a hunting trip he refused to kill a bear and someone dedicated a bear stuffed animal to him and called it Teddy’s Bear. Then it was just called a teddy bear and the rest was history. 4024. What are you the prince or princess of? Uhhh. 4025. Some people think that Christmas should be taken off of public school calanders because it is politically incorrect. What aould you say to this? I say no. It can still be winter break for those who don’t celebrate. 4026. Would you rather go to an excorcism or a step aerobics class? Uh, I think an aerobics class sounds a lot better than an exorcism. I wouldn’t be able to participate in a step aerobics class, though. I’d have to do something else. 4027. Do you believe in spells and curses? No. 4028. What tv show does your family watch together? There isn’t really one all 4 of us watch, but there’s several that 2 or 3 of us watch together. I guess Family Guy or American Dad could be one all 4 of us could watch, although I don’t really care for either one much. 4029. What's on your calander this year? Nothing. 4030. Is anything ruining your life? It has felt that way with my health issues. 4031. How was life meant to be lived? “We were meant to live for so much moreeee.” 🎶

4032. What is your usual breakfast? I rarely have breakfast, but I like breakfast foods like eggs and hash browns. And country gravy, yum. 4033. If you had kids, would you worry about what they did online? Of course.  4034. Will you be maxin and relaxin this weekend? Sure. If not, what are your weekened plans? 4035. Who has the most interesting story to tell: someone who used to fly to asia as a drug trader the ceo of Nike a nyc homeless person a preacher's wife

^^^They all would. 4036. What do you have a bad feeling about? The future regarding this virus. 4037. Do you have a lot to say? No. 4038. If a smallpox vaccine was offered to you, would you take it? Wasn’t that one of the ones given as a baby or child? I should mention I live in the US. 4039. Would you ever work at a kissing booth? No. how about a dunking booth? No. 4040. There is a woman who paints by stripping naked, rolling around in paint and then pressing her body against the canvas. What do you think of her art? I’ve never seen it, but hey do your thing. 4041. Have you ever bought something you saw on tv? Yeah, I mean that’s what commercials are intended to do. However, I’ve never called the number for a product advertisement to order something that way. Like those as seen on TV products. There have been some of those products sold in actual stores, though, that I’ve got like the Snuggie and that Finishing Touch Flawless Razor. 4042. Name a relative:  that relative dies unexpectedly. On the same day 9/11 happens. You can either bring back your relative or bring back 1/2 the people who dies on 9/11. What do you do? I don’t like these type of questions. 4043. Have you gone mental? I’ve definitely felt like that. 4044. What do you think of jews for jesus? You word this like it’s the name of a group or something. Okay, so I Googled it and see that it’s an organization.  4045. Has anyone ever tried to 'save' you? Yes. 4046. Quick! picture santa clause in your head... ...Okay. Was he black or white when you pictured him? White. That’s just how I’ve often seen him portrayed. 4047. Would you ever buy a black santa clause? Sure. Santa isn’t real, you can make him look any way you want. 4048. or take your kids to vist a black santa clause? Yeah? why or why not? Santa is Santa.  4049. What do you smell like? I just smell my clothes laundry detergent scent. 4050. What kind of soup do you eat? I’m a ramen girl all the way. 4051. What have you heard about the next Harry Potter book? Will you pre-order it? I know this is old, but I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books. 4052. Would you rather go out or stay in? I’m a hermit crab.  4053. What's your favorite song to hear on halloween? I like the classics like Monster Mash. Oh, and the Halloween movie theme music for spooky vibes. 4054. What song makes you feel all tingly like you want to laugh and scream and cry? Uhh I don’t feel that way about any song. 4055. If you were starting a website that was not about you, what Would it be about? Nah. 4056. Do you ever take the long way just for fun? I don’t drive. 4057. '..and god said let there be ____and there I was.' Fill in the blank, as if if you were talking about yourself. ��...and God said let there be Stephanie and there I was.’ 4058. What do you think of when you hear the word 'mill'? A million.  4059. What do you think of when you hear the name: weird al? Parodies. bob dylan? Music. michael jackson? Moon dance. henry rollins? billy idol? White wedding. gary numan? will smith? Fresh Prince of Bel Air. paul mcartney? Black Bird. alice cooper? Rock and roll. J Lo? Jenny from the Block. 4060. What is one social disater you have had? It was really embarrassing getting sick in front of everyone at my party 7 years ago aka the last time I drank alcohol. I just threw up on myself in front of everyone and sat there and my friend had to help clean me up. What really messes me up is that I don’t remember drinking that much, so I don’t know how I got so drunk. 4061. Can you moonwalk? No. 4062. If a presidential candidate went on late night tv, picked up a guitar and rocked out on it and could really play, would that influence you to like/respect them more? I’d probably be like wow that’s cool, but no I wouldn’t let that influence my vote. Them being able to play an instrument doesn’t say shit about their policies or whether they’d make a good fit for the job. 4064. If it was possible for people to instantly change from one sex to another, would everyone be straight in the end? Uhh just cause they could switch their gender it doesn’t change their brain/sexual preference.  Would you change your sex? No. 4065. Finish the sentance: nobody broke your heart, if you're alone... I don’t know. 4066. Would you rather have a best friend OR a boyfriend/girlfriend on a Friday night? I’d rather stay at home and do my own thing, ha. 4067. Would a woman rather be complimented about her intelligence OR her looks? Depends on the individual.  4068. Do you tend to think of the right thing to say after the moment is gone? Always. Super annoying. 4069. Would you rather a potential mate have nice hair OR nice legs? Nice hair out of the two. 4070. Okay,…. nice hair OR a nice rack/bulge? I don’t look for a “nice bulge” when I look at guys. 4071. What is one thing you thought you would enjoy, but actually didn’t? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. 4072. Be in the spotlight OR in the shadows? In the shadows. 4073. What is your favorite part of the newspaper? I haven’t read a newspaper in several years. When I was a kid I loved the comics, though. 4074. What in your life has been an “acquired taste” for you? Alcohol. I never really cared for it, honestly. I drank because my friends were and felt like that’s what people in their early 20s liked to do. And because it was fun sometimes, though I more often just felt like crap. It’s been 7 years since I last drank and I truly haven’t missed it. 4075. Do you find sunlight makes you happier? No. 4076. If you could conquer one fear, it would be...? I’d take care of some health related things. 4077. What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen someone do or heard anyone has done? There’s been a lot of things. 4078. How do you feel about the fact that J-Lo earns 37 million dollars a year? Is that actually true? This survey is also like a decade or so old. Do you buy anything that contributes to her salary? I haven’t bought any JLO related in several years. Is J Lo the ultimate ideal of what a woman should be? To some people. 4079. What is unforgettable beauty? I don’t know. 4080. Worst fashion mistake EVER: I don’t know or care. 4081. What is your advice to someone on their first date? Ha, I’m definitely not one to ask for dating advice. 4082. Is there a musical performer more ridiculous than Avril Lavigne (I don't think there is)? I didn’t think she was ridiculous.  4083. What is the best: daytime talk show? Dr. Phil. late night talk show? I don’t watch any anymore. 4084. Are you afraid of total freedom? What would that mean? 4085. Do you live in an invisible prison? I feel that way with my mind and health. 4086. Who do you feel distant from, that you used to be close to? I’m not close to anyone anymore outside of my immediate family.  4087. Rate the following song lyrics (1 = you like it the most, 9 = you like it the least). Nah, I really hate the rating questions. Maybe you shouldn't care/throw away those dreams/& dare Eden lets me in/I find the seeds of love/And climb upon the highwire/I kiss and tell all my fears I know the pressure is on/In a race for the life of endless love/If it seems to much/Remember/All these things are endless I see the wind, oh I see the trees/Everything is clear in my heart/I see the clouds, oh I see the sky/Everything is clear in our world Inflatable doll/Lover ungrateful/I blew up your body/But you blew my mind Well I jumped into the river/too many times to make it home/I'm out here on my own/drifting all alone/and if it doesn't show/ give it time/to read between the lines The very thought of you makes/My heart sing/Like an April breeze/On the wings of spring/And you appear in all your splendor/My one and only love now I've had lots of girls/most of them from other worlds/but lookin through the galaxey/the valley girls are the ones for me I'm the dandy highwayman so sick of easy fashion/the clumsy boots, peek-a-boo roots that people think so dashing/so what's the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?/it's kind of tough to tell a scruff the big mistake he's making 4088. Can you name any of the nine bands/songs above? I didn’t even read any of the lyrics. 4089. What would your reaction be if a total stranger called to say s/he loved you and told you that you were to pass the message on to others in a telephone call you make yourself? Uh, I wouldn’t answer a call from a total stranger first of all and even if I actually did, I would be like wtf and hang up.  4090. Would you like to take a journey to jupiter? No. I have no desire to take any trip to outer space. 4091. Can you crack nuts in your bare hands? I’ve never tried, but I’m going to assume that I couldn’t.  4092. Do you take walks at night? No. Or ever. 4093. Beavis and Butthead or daria? Neither. 4094. Cow or chicken? Chicken. 4095. Do you think you will visit China in this life? I don’t see that happening, but who knows.  4096. Are you having a happy day? No. 4097. When was or will be your 'golden birthday' (when your age is the same as your birthdate, like turning 17 on the 17th)? My golden birthday was 3 years ago. 4098. Enlighten everyone with something profound: Nah. 4099. When has the third time been the charm for you? Hmm. 4100. What is kinda sick, but fun? Uhhh.

[allthingsmachinegunkelly]

Imagine #5

Its been three days since you and Kells slept together at the hotel. The tour was almost over. The last show is tomorrow tonight. 

You had talked to Kells, of course, for work and stuff, but not a word was said about your night together. It hurt your feelings a bit that he hadn’t tried to get to know you more like he said he would. You didn’t even really understand what he meant by that. You don’t think he wants a fuck buddy especially after telling you that you mean more than that to him, but he hasn’t tried to sleep next to you at night, or hang together with just you two, or kiss you, which you missed. Hell, he hasn’t flirted once with you which is conflicting because you don’t know whether to initiate anything or if you should leave him be. He’s hard to read. 

Its the last calm night on tour as we're on the bus traveling through the night to the next venue. Tomorrow night we will all be partying and celebrating our last show on the tour and you’ll be flying out the next day so you know this could be your last chance, at least for a while, to see if he is still interested in you. Once the tour is over, there are a few days of downtime before Kells’ schedule will pick right back up again with making music and starring in movies. 

Its about midnight and the guys are all laying in their bunks. You and Kells are the last two who are chilling on the couches in the back of the bus. You are across from him on your laptop. You’re both sitting in silence. You look up from your screen at him and see him just scrolling on his phone. You’re almost waiting for him to look up at you, but he doesn’t. You sigh and close your laptop. You set it aside and get up slowly, making your way to Kells. He still hasn’t looked up. 

You sit on the couch a couple feet away from him. You wait for him to acknowledge you but he hasn’t. You crawl towards him and just as your about to lay your head on his lap, Slim walks into the bathroom, which seems to startle Kells. He gets up quickly and stretches. 

Through a yawn, he says “I’m goin to bed dawg.” He seems to be talking to Slim. He’s completely ignored you. What the fuck? You don’t want to get upset because he might just be tired so you fight back the tears behind your eyes. You roll over on your back and call it a night too. 

---------------------------------------------------

Kells just got done with his last show on tour and everyone’s headed to a club to celebrate. 

The club is crazy, the music is booming and the alcohol is flowing. Everyone is having such a good time, even you. You love to dance. Kells ignoring you last night hasn’t seemed to have the biggest affect on you, but the drunker you get, the more your emotions are getting to you. 

Everyone is in the VIP section but so many girls have been invited in by the guys that you’ve lost sight of Kells. You sit down on one of the couches and sip your drink. A very tan girl with jet black hair and blue eyes plops down next to you, almost spilling her drink on you. 

Trying to yell over the music and slurring her words, she says, “Oh my god, this is crazy!”

You smile at her.

“He’s so fucking hot.” she says as she points with her pinky at Kells. He’s doing shots with some girls across from you. “Do you like work with him?”

She probably assumed that because you're the only girl in the VIP section that hasn't shoved your tits in his face. “Yeah,” you reply with a fake smile.

She spins to you quickly on the couch, clearly drunk ,”Gawd, please tell me you’ve fucked him.” 

You laugh as you look down at the ice left in your glass, “No, but even if I had, it wouldn’t mean anything.”

“But you’re so prettyyyyyy, get the fuck on it girl, I sure am”, she says as she gets up and dances towards Kells. 

You feel your stomach drop as you watch Kells wrap his arm around her. He’s falling all over the place and drinking straight out of a bottle of Ciroc vodka. The girl with black hair turns around and pushes her ass into his crotch. She starts grinding on him. 

He dances with girls all the time, it’s nothing new to you, but you do feel little betrayed. He told you he was into you. He fucked you. He saw you at your most exposed state. At this point you were just hoping he wasn’t going to take her or any other girl back to his hotel room.

You looked away for a few seconds to scan the VIP section for a bottle of vodka. You found one and poured some into your glass. When you looked back over to Kells, he was sitting in a lounge chair and the girl with the black hair was on top of him. She was sitting on his lap with her legs draped over his. They were deep in a very messy kiss. 

You had seen enough. You pulled yourself off the couch, downed all of the alcohol in your glass and tossed it onto a table. Your heels clacked against the ground as you walked away quickly. 

You caught an Uber back to the hotel. 

-------------------------------------------------

The next morning you woke up with a hangover. You popped a couple Advil and got your stuff together to get ready for the flight back home. 

You knocked on all the guys’ doors, waking them up. 

You all arrived at the airport. All the boys were way more hungover than you were. They looked like hell, Kells especially. You didn’t bother to see if he had brought a girl home. You barely bothered to talk to him. 

The flight was a long and quiet one. There were a couple stops along the way. You mostly tried to avoid sitting next to or having to see Kells if you didn’t have to. He hurt you and you weren’t going to get over it in a day. 

You finally arrived in Cleveland at about two in the morning. It had been a long and uncomfortable few flights. 

Everyone’s on their way to Kells’ house to meet with Ashleigh (MGK’s manager) before they make their way back to their houses. 

“Feels fuckin good to be home.” Kells says as he drops his bags on the floor. 

Ashleigh is waiting in the kitchen for everyone. She goes over Kells’ schedule for the next couple months. Once she’s finished everyone heads home. Kells heads upstairs and you stay around to talk with Ashleigh. She heads out once you’ve finished. You stick around to type out the schedule. You’re always losing loose papers and you need to stay organized so you can stay on track and keep Kells on time. 

You’re sitting on the couch typing. You can feel your eyes getting heavy. You’re trying to fight the heaviness but you give in and fall asleep. 

You’ve been sleeping for a couple hours. You’re eyes flutter open. You look around and see that it’s about four a.m. You get up and head to the kitchen for some water. You close the fridge, making a loud click.

“Jesus,” Kells says leaning over the banister. He starts walking down the stairs.”I thought everyone was gone.” 

 “I fell asleep. I’m gonna head home though.” You have an apartment in Cleveland and with not being there for a few months, you’ve been missing your bed. 

“No, it’s fuckin four in the morning, just stay here,” he shakes his head as he adjusts the band of his sweatpants. He’s shirtless and his hair is messy. You must’ve woken him up. 

“Uhhh,” unsure of what to say you stall. “I’m ... I’d just rather sleep in my own bed, but thanks.” You’re having trouble looking him in the eye because when you do, you just picture him with his tongue down that girl’s throat. 

“You can sleep in my bed.” 

You look at him, you can’t believe he said that. “No”

“Why not? It’s comfy.” he scoots out a bar-stool from under the island’s bar. 

You huff and slam your water bottle on the counter. “I’m sleeping in your bed, but I’m sleeping alone.” 

“That wasn’t the deal” he chuckles.

“Well fight me for it then,” you say sarcastically but with attitude as you walk around the island. You scoop up one of your bags and head upstairs to his room. 

You close the bedroom door and pull your shirt over your head and undo your bra. You slip your jeans off and dig around your bag for your pajamas. 

“Shit,” you whisper to yourself. You grabbed the wrong bag. You look around his room for something to throw on. You see the t-shirt he was wearing today. You throw it over your head. It smells like him and hangs down below your butt cheeks on you. Smelling him angered you. You didn’t want to smell like him all night. You needed your own clothes.

You step out of his bedroom door and peek over the balcony of the stairs. You don’t see him so you trot down the stairs quickly towards your bags. You find your other suitcase with clothes and bend down to dig through it. 

You hear the toilet flush and Kells walks out of the bathroom that’s behind you. 

You quickly realize your ass is exposed, “fuck”, you stand up quickly with a pile of clothes in your hand. 

“What’s up”, he says as he walks past you. 

“Nothing,” 

He turns around towards you. “You look good in my clothes.” 

“I grabbed the wrong bag,” you scoff as you avoid eye contact with him and turn towards the stairs. 

“Don’t know why you can’t change here, It’s not like I haven’t seen it.”

You stop and look him in the eye. You’ve become so annoyed with him lately because he seems to be playing you. You’ve been holding in your feelings for a couple days now and it’s too much to hold in. 

“Fine.” You turn towards him and drop your clothes on the ground. Quickly, you rip his shirt over your head, leaving you standing in front of him in just your thong. You throw his shirt at him roughly. You bend down, swipe your clothes off the ground and pull your shirt onto your head and down your body. You slip your thong from your hips down your legs. You kick it to the side and pull your favorite velvet shorts up your legs. 

“What did I do?” he asks, seemingly confused and holding his shirt. 

“More like what you didn’t do,” you reply sternly.

“What?” He replies quickly. 

You roll your eyes, “ever since we fucked you’ve just been avoiding me, pretending like it didn’t happen, even though YOU said you were into me. Like yeah, I’m a little confused because you made it seem like you wanted something but I guess you didn’t”

“It was the end of the tour, we’re all fuckin tired.” He argues.

“Okay but you’ll barely look at me. You said I wasn’t just a fuck for you but that must be what you tell all the sluts you sleep with to get in their pants.”

He throws his hands in air,” you weren’t! What the fuck you trynna say? That I used you or played you? Nahh, I told you some personal shit. I told you I was feeling you after this heartbreak I didn’t think I’d get over. I’m fucking sorry for not wanting to rush into it.” He’s using his hands a lot, like he normally does when he’s mad. 

“Don’t fucking pretend like I've been the only girl on your mind. What about last night, huh? I bet you brought that girl back. You seemed to be feeling her, more specifically her mouth with your tongue.”

Kells looks confused again,”but she didn’t mean anything.That’s the difference between you.”

“Okay, but if I did wouldn’t you think that I probably didn’t want to see you all over some girl right in front of me?”

“Ya know what, fuck this.” He says as he heads to the stairs.”

“Colson?” 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he says as he stops a couple steps above you. He turns towards you, “You really think I would’ve played you? You?” He motions to you with his hands. “We work together, I wouldn’t want to fuck that up, that shit is awkward and fucked up. You’re not just some random girl. I do like you. What more do you want me to say?”

Your voice gets louder and higher as he still hasn’t denied sleeping with the Kardashian look-alike from the club. “I don’t know?” You say sarcastically. “Tell me you haven’t fucked somebody else since you slept with me! That’s what I want to hear, because then I’ll believe you.” 

He takes a deep breath as he looks down, he slowly looks up at you and says calmly. “I haven’t been with anyone else since that night with you. Anything else you want me to tell you?”

Your heart starts beating faster as relief washes over you, but you still need to clear something up. “It’s... I-”, you look down at your feet, “I just thought what we had was really nice, I enjoyed it.” You look back up at him. “And that night on the bus, I really wanted to just be close to you, not even sex, and you,” your voice getting quieter, “you just blew me off and it hurt my feelings. It made me feel like you’d changed your mind about me.”

There is silence as you’re waiting for him to answer. 

“I didn’t mean to make it seem like that.” He rubs his forehead and pulls his hands through his hair, clearly a little stressed. He lets out a sigh. 

“What?” You ask him quietly.

He looks into your eyes, “I didn’t want the guys to see.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry, but they really like you and with my reputation, I don’t want them to think I’m gonna hurt you. It’d be like fucking their sister or something. They wouldn’t let me”.

You let out a small laugh, “I agree.”

Caught off guard, “what??”

“I don’t want them to know either.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you sigh as you move up a couple steps so that you are eye level with him. “I don’t want them to worry I might break your heart.” You say sarcastically, smiling.

“You’ll never break my heart.”

“Oh, so you think I’m gonna stick around?”

“I got you on lock.”

You laugh, "I don’t know about that. 

“I do.” He says as he kisses you sweetly on the lips.”You know you want a piece of this,” he says as he opens his arms and points to himself. He turns to walk up the rest of the stairs. 

You follow him. 

He turns to watch you coming up the stairs. He leans over the railing to the side of the steps with his forearms bearing his weight. When you reach the top of the steps he stands up straight and you walk to him. He turns to you. 

Softly, he says looking straight into your eyes and placing his hands on your waist, “see, I told you.”

You slowly start kissing each other, fighting over dominance with your tongues softly. You let his tongue win. You feel it’s warmness move around your mouth softly. As he pulls his mouth away from yours you suck on his tongue as it slips out of your mouth. Before he pulls his tongue away completely you bite it softly and release it slowly. His hands pull you into him gently. He’s being very sweet. You take in the taste of him and he seems to be content with just enjoying yours rather than trying to rip your clothes off. Your hands are around his back. 

His hand slips down your velvet shorts to squeeze your ass. He is still kissing you softly. Your hand moves around his waist to the front of his stomach. You slowly and teasingly slither your fingers into the waistband of his briefs, tugging at them, you let your hand slide into them. You feel his throbbing boner and start stroking it softly.

Your legs squeeze together as feeling him grow, makes you wet. Your lips release from his and your forehead drops into the crook of his neck as you let out a breathy moan. Still rubbing and stroking his boner, you lift your head to whisper in his ear, “I love that I can make your dick hard, but it makes me want you so bad.” That was enough for him.

Rather than saying anything, he just grabs your arms and waist and spins you around so that your stomach is up against the railing of the balcony. He pushes your back down so that you are bent over. He pulls your waist back into his. You take a step back so that your arms are resting on the banister. He pulls his sweats and briefs down exposing his hard dick. He grabs both sides of your shorts and pulls them down to your ankles. His fingers glide down your ass from behind and slips them between your wet folds. 

“I can see you’re ready for me baby.” He slaps your ass cheek making it jiggle to his liking. 

He positions himself at your entrance. He slowly enters you, gliding deeper and deeper inside you until you feel his pelvis against you. You whimper in pleasure. He starts thrusting quick and hard, hitting your g-spot with every one. You are unable to control your moans as they are loud and long. The pleasure is so intense that you have become close so quickly and apparently so has he. You hear him groaning and breathing heavy behind you. You scream in pleasure as you feel your walls clench around him as your legs start to buckle underneath you. Kells continues thrusting hard, causing the most euphoric orgasm you’ve ever had. You feel a warm liquid inside you as his thrusting becomes slower. He lets out a moan of satisfaction and release. The thrusting stops and he pulls out of you. You remain bent over at the railing trying to catch your breath. A loud hard slap against your ass cheek leaves a red mark as he clearly couldn’t help himself. 

You stand up slowly, turning to watch him walk to the bathroom. You kick the shorts off from around your ankles and slip the shirt over your head and follow him. When you get to the bathroom, you see him turning on the water in the shower. He turns to see you standing in the doorway naked. You watch him as his eyes scan your body from top to bottom. You pass by him to feel the shower water, it is hot like you prefer it so you step into the stream of water. Steam has already started to fill the bathroom. You let the water run down your face and through your hair. Kells steps in behind you. 

You can feel him against your back. You pull your head out of the water and step back into him. He lays his arms around you from behind. While he's still holding you, you turn to face him and you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him tight. 

His warm damp skin feels so good to rest your cheek on. He lays his cheek on top of your head. Your bare skin against each other and his strong arms around you makes you feel warm and protected. You don’t let go of each other. You both say nothing and just listen to the sound of the running water. 

[alteregowo]

Hi! I love Dan and Phil, individually and together, but I think they're not trying to hide a romantic relationship. Don't you think that after ten years, they'd finally come out if they were? I mean there are a lot of gay couples on youtube and it would not be that big of a deal today than it was in 2007. Just wanted to hear your opinion on that. Have a nice day!

before i answer, disclaimer: i have ADD and this post might get messy since i find it difficult to concentrate and phrase myself properly (and english isn’t even my main language!)

well, i’m not gonna try and force my own views down your throat or anything but let me ramble a bit about why i wholeheartedly believe dan and phil are in a relationship;

i think i’ll start with the very fact that they recently moved to their third shared home together. say whatever you want to say but if they were indeed just friends, considering they’re in their mid 20s and 30 dont you think they’d want to move out separately and get going with their lives? and dont you think they wouldn’t be so keen on making comments about keeping living together in the long run (or forever….  a forever home say whaaaat). 

now, you might argue with the good ol’ “but they benefit from living together regardless of relationship status”. fair enough. however, let me point out that it has became as clear as day especially in 2017 that they share a bedroom. i don’t know about you but i don’t think two strictly platonic friends who just moved into a duplex would want/ need to share a bedroom unless they’re uhhh mayhaps in a relationship and love to cuddle? i know a wild concept…….

and i’m sorry but if you want to argue against the shared bedroom fact with the shoebox phil claims is “his room” i have nothing to say but shake my head. no way phil actually lives in that room that has no windows and no space to move around and why is the entire room crammed in this one corner… where is the rest of the room……. and why is that room has no personal touch to it…. it’s literally just AmazingPhil props and things……… feels much more like a set to me than an actual bedroom. (also we saw phil’s mirror and hair straighter in the moon room aka “”dan’s bedroom”” which i think we can all collectively agree is simply “the bedroom”)

another thing that strikes me is how dan joins phil’s family vacations (especially in 2017) and how he seems to become part of the family much more than anyone who’s classified as “platonic” to phil would have. dan is just as much of a lester as cornelia is? dan joins the lesters just as much and as frequent as a spouse would. in fact, dan joins the lesters so much on their adventures that if im not wrong, the longest dan and phil spent apart in 2017 was not more than a weekend? that’s whack!

now these were just three things that were very prominent in 2017 regarding the belief whether dan and phil are in a relationship or not that were “behind the scenes”as in going on in their personal lives, kind of? i mean sure we see the  shoebox on AmazingPhil and the moon room in some liveshows and we get pictures from their shared vacations but now i will move on to what we see on screen across their channels

i’ll start this with a throwback to the boncas bc i think that damn speech is enough to debunk any “uwu platonic” argument, ever. i don’t think phil would have done THAT if dan didn’t mean a whole lot to him and i think saying the universe would rip in half in they go apart is a concrete proof that they themselves can;t and don’t want to imagine a life in which they are not joint at the hip. 

moving on to gamingmas, which i will forever find so significant?? they broke a lot of boundaries during that month regarding of invading personal space, a bit of a more mature humor (esp on phil’s account), casual touching and a whole lot of flirting and a lot less (almost none at all) looks straight into the camera to show they are aware this is filmed or to do a “wtf is this lol” kinda thing. gamingmas was a turning point. i will forever firmly believe they did all of that in an attempt to normalize this kind of behavior on screen (and it definitely worked!)

dan and phil continued the vibes of gamingmas well into 2017 and the casual touches, lingering gazes and flirting (as well as expressing affection towards males in specific) is now the normal running theme over at dapg to a degree where we don;t even lose our shit anymore. we joke and meme but nothing strikes us as overwhelming bc we are “used” to it, which i think dan and phil aimed for i genuinely think they wanted to get to this stage of showing more comfort and more intimacy on screen without everyone and their mothers going whack over “pHaN iS rEaL!!!!!1″ and for it all to come across as oh so casual and chill! 

so now you ask, “they go through all that why not just come out lol”

WELL, in my honest opinion, dan and phil will never officially come out as a couple. and you know what, maybe things would have been different if The Video didn’t leak and get spread around (twice, mind you.) but things happen and one thing lead to another and after all they have been through and how they were shaped as people and their experiences with guarding and protecting themselves and their privacy any sort of statement about whether or not they are a couple or just friends or even paid actors  (let alone labeling themselves and their sexuality bluntly) is highly unrealistic. so if you are waiting for a coming out video or whatever to convince you that won’t ever happen i’m afraid. 

dan and phil value their privacy and they have every right to do so.

so yes, maybe in the early days of 2009/10 they were very flirty all across social media and on camera and maybe just maybe you need to consider the few following things regarding why they stopped with that:

The Video leak. like honestly? can’t and won’t find any more justified reason to feel the need for privacy and shielding yourself and making comments on how ‘het’ you are  for instance just to brush off the most intimate thing imaginable that since has been glorified and memorized by millions(?) of people who were never meant to even know this video and that declaration of affection even exists. is it scary. and i fully understand the “no homo howell” phase and how awkward they appeared together on camera for awhile, very very proud of how far they;ve came esp in 2017 though. 

the radio show! is it a little tied to The Video leak since the second leak happened when the radio show was still fairly new but before they moved to london (into their second shared home coughs) they weren’t all that big, you know? but with the popularity of the radio show came the increasing popularity of their youtube channels and their followers/ subscribers count went up and up and their content became exposed to a much larger range of audience and these new audience/ fans were not familiar with the past (at least not at first glance) and dan and phil needed to leave “good” impression (not that being flirty and dumb wasn’t good impression but it wasn’t all that professional and now they’ve grown big enough to be in need of professionalism.)

these two things were a turning point to how dan and phil view themselves on camera and their content itself (phil sticking to the AmazingPhil PG persona) (dan with his struggles with creativity and integrity zzzz) and really, considering their story  (and how well known the early days are, and how dan and phil are aware to that…) it suddenly makes perfect sense why dan and phil aren’t in any sort of rush or need to ever come out.

however though, i think that the “post baking universe” as in the halloween 2016 baking video, the boncas speech, the european leg of tatinof, pinof 8, and gamingmas were a prep to this switch in dynamics we have seen in 2017 and that keeps very steady so far. feels as if late 2016 was so “wild” bc they were testing the waters and our reactions to see if they wanna pull through with this change. 

so, even if they will never officially come out, their dynamic both on and  off screen screams that they are literal boyfriends and they don’t need to spell it out for us to know and see. anyone who cares enough about their relationship status and look at their content with it in mind can very obviously and easily see how in love these two dorks are. same love from the early days of 2009/10 only now it has shifted into a steady, secure, safe, most wonderful thing and you can see that their love towards each other in filling their hearts with pure joy.

so yeah, dan and phil are definitely in a relationship and that doesn’t seem to change anytime soon, if ever at all.

(THAT WAS SO MESSY IM SORRY BUT I HOPE MY POINT CAME ACROSS?)

[sugarpunkeyes]

1-99 😎

ITCHY I HA T E YOU (but im still gonna do it cause. this feels like a challenge)

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?alternate version of behind the sea by panic! at the discofuckmylife666 by against me!like a child hiding behind your tombstone by slothrust brain stew/jaded by green daybaba o'reilly by the whoacross the universe by the beatles

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?unlikely person ,, laura !! jane !! grace !! slightly more likely person(s) ,, @thesmashingpumpkins or @billiejoeshappytrail @xkidiot cause you’re wonderful

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“…and, of course, Crass, who remain my favorite band to this day.” (from Tranny by Laura!! wild)

4: What do you think about most?music as a general statement probably. whether it’s my own writing/band stuff/practicing instruments

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“And ya but nvm” from @gathering-up-the-avenues

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?with pajamas !

7: What’s your strangest talent?i can figure out how to set or fix/take apart & rebuild any watch or clock i’ve ever come across

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)??? girls are girls. boys are boys. i’m unwilling to gender stereotype esp in the binary lmao

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?i am not aware of that happening, no

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?i was texting my favo(u)rite british bo(u)y itchy ( @billiejoeshappytrail ) like two hours ago and playing loads of music

11: Do you have any strange phobias?not that i’m.. aware of ?? i get really freaked out by looking straight-on at a pin, like right at the pointy off when it’s facing me but that’s not really a phobia

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?i’m sure i have. i mean fingers are foreign technically so

13: What’s your religion?jewish ;)

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?listening to music in headphones ,, walking ,, zoning out

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind ,, but i like having photos of myself and i find it really fun to help out my photographer friends ,, they’re so good i’m lov my artsy humans

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?The Beatles !

17: What was the last lie you told?i told my mom i checked the weather this morning when she asked how cold it was but i actullt just stuck my head out my window and guessed

18: Do you believe in karma?nah, bad stuff and good stuff happens to everyone

19: What does your URL mean?it was from Years Ago ™ when i was equally obsessed with doctor who and star trek. sonic (screwdriver) ; (star) trek

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?uHm i’m really bad about emotions as a whole?? if i’m confronted about how i’m feeling and i am Not In The Mood to talk about how i am then i will 100% say i’m fine no matter whati’m good at music i think ,, i’ve been writing music since i was little and i know 10-ish instruments?

21: Who is your celebrity crush?Laura. Jane. Grace. i’m lov

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?yyep

23: How do you vent your anger?i kick/punch walls (i have a wall in my room w lots of studs, i know where to hit it so nothing will break), write music (nerd), throw tennis balls at my garage door

24: Do you have a collection of anything?i have journals i’ve filled out, presidential/gold dollars, state quarters (every state, every year), an old keychain collection, loads of books, and unofficially lots of band/tour shirts ;)

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?video chatting !

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?i am, but only because i know my two options are to like myself or dislike myself and there’s no way of saying i won’t totally reinvent myself tomorrow. so yes, but just because i believe in constant change and i’m proud of the changes i’ve made

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?i haTe the scratch when you have a metal utensil on a china/porcelain plate ugGgHhh and i love the noise when you lean on someone and they’re happy about it and they go “mhm”

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i can’t do all of the things i love in my life?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?not ghosts, absolutely aliens

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm touched my house/car keys, left arm touched my glasses on my bed

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?hotdogs i think (my family’s having a barbecue)

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?worst place .. like worst city? i don’t like detroit at all

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?EAST COAST succ it @xkidiot @sloanthewench

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?i am. all the genders i literally ,, what ????? uhh i don’t know any agender singers off the top of my head ?? but i’m lov billie joe armstrong and laura jane grace and gerard way has said he doesn’t really identify with male or female so. him too

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?just growing as a human and then helping others grow

36: Define Art.creation that invokes feeling ( @danlitty would know better than me ,, she is The Art ™ )

37: Do you believe in luck?not really but i wear mismatched socks because i think matching socks are bad luck so. uhHh idk

38: What’s the weather like right now?it was raining and like 65 degrees and now it’s just gray and a lil warmer

39: What time is it?3:38 PM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yes, i didn’t crash but i hit someone’s car while i was pulling out of a parking spot

41: What was the last book you read?not really a book, but i read a compilation of loads of doom patrol comics

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?to an extent .. like the first min or so is nice

43: Do you have any nicknames?yeah, my real name’s grace but everyone calls me gracie or gee or graice or goot or geebee (thanks shaney) or graciebell or groot or greasy

44: What was the last film you saw?the butterfly effect with the green goons!!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?i broke my nose twice .. i’m pretty safe overall

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?yep! but v carefully and let it go immediately

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?always ,,,, just band stuff

48: What’s your sexual orientation?i call myself bi but i’m just gay for everyone

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?nope

50: Do you believe in magic?n o

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?depends how bad it was

52: What is your astrological sign?pisces

53: Do you save money or spend it?save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?i only owned the cassette tape version of 1,039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours so i bought the iTunes version

55: Love or lust?love

56: In a relationship?yes!!!! @thesmashingpumpkins is my amazing boyfriend i like him a lot :)

57: How many relationships have you had?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?yeah !!

59: Where were you yesterday?i just literally worked at home all day.. in the wee hours of the morning i was at midnight run in new york city (delivering clothes/food to the homeless)

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?my sweatshirt !

61: Are you wearing socks right now?yyyyes and one has a banana on it and one has sharks eating people

62: What’s your favourite animal?snow leopards

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?this is a thing ????? i’m just. sarcastic

64: Where is your best friend?my best friend in NY is named abby and she lives 3 blocks away from me, my best irl friend outside NY is from Rhode Island, and shaney who’s my best internet friend ( @xkidiot ) is in CA !! i’m lov all

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.@thesmashingpumpkins@xkidiot@danlitty@billiejoeshappytrail@poisin-youth

66: What is your heritage?i’m ,, white ,, european ,,,, lithuania, russia, hungary, turkey etc

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?texting/watching the movie w the green goons

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?armstrong. definitely armstrong.

69: Biggest turn ons?this is NOT THE SIN CHAT

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?I think so cause most of my friends are sarcastic and i’m sarcastic

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?gET THE DOG AND CARRY IT TO MY WORKPLACE AND SHOW MY BOSS I WAS BEING A MODEL CITIZEN ™

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) lmao yeah, everyone deserves to know ?? people affect other people, that’s the point of life, so if i’ve affected anyone, they deserve to knowb) try to get to see all my favorite people even if i haven’t met them beforec) i mean probably ??

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?so many ,, yellow submarine and JOS and so many others

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?8903

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?knowing that the other person cares about you and about the world in general or just having it be with @thesmashingpumpkins , the most amazing man. ,

77: How can I win your heart?you can’t, jimmy already has it

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?hell yeah

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?learning guitar

80: What size shoes do you wear?8.5 women’s

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?idk some quote from the giver probably

82: What is your favourite word?mmm calcify

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.that song “heart and soul” that everyone knows on piano

84: What is a saying you say a lot?i’ve noticed i say “you know” a lot ,,

85: What’s the last song you listened to?eight full hours of sleep by against me!

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?blue ! all shades of blue esp bluey-greens

87: What is your current desktop picture?it’s that picture of young green day ™ in a taxi and they’re flipping off the camera

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?this guy that picks on jimmy his name is christian and he’s first on the kill list

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?variations on “how do you feel”

90: Turn offs?ddont choke me ,, don’t pee on me ,,

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?ccontrolling time ,,

92: where are your parents from? OH and NY

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?lol i went to the hospital once cause i couldn’t sleep for 4-5 days straight and everything about that was wild

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?i’ve said it multiple times before, ill say it again. laura. jane. grace.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?GO VISIT ITCHY OR SHANEY cause i can’t drive to them but i can drive to jimmy :)

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?nope

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?omg so many times

98: Ever been on a plane?yeah!! also so many times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?there’s no reason not to try your best

thank u itchy ;)