#i was so tempted to draw him in a tshirt that had a truck on it

[super-done-dead]

its him

[irockmountains]

20180217 SHINee and 40,000 weeping fans: a fan account

This is an account of my experience watching SHINee's concert last 17 February 2018, their first one since that ill-fated December day.

I arrived early from my homebase in Tokyo via bus. I headed straight to Kyocera, where my friend was waiting for me so we can line up for concert goods. I got there by around 8am and the line was.. incredible. It was starting to wind around the arena. Seeing how it's the middle of winter, mad props to all the Shawols sitting in the floor in the cold.

Thankfully they opened the stores earlier and there were a lot of booths so the queue moved quickly once selling began. The goods were also gone very quickly, haha. I'm glad I managed to snag all I wanted (plus the umbrella sold out before my turn, so it didn't tempt me anymore xD). After that we went back to my friend's airbnb so we can rest and refresh, then back to Kyocera by 2pm so we can grab lunch before it all begins.

To be honest, I don't really know how to feel? I'm thankful I met my friend and my seatmates because they distracted me from my anxiety. I was starting to have difficulties concentrating and breathing as the hour draws nearer. It was even worse because it was delayed by about half an hour.

So the opening VCR played, and wow, the moon.. gee, so subtle. When the first notes started playing from the first song, I completely lost it. I knew this song so well these past few weeks. It was Colors of the Season.

See, I liked this song but it wasn't on the top of my SHINee ballad list. But that December Monday, it was the first song I listened to. I listened to it on repeat. It was very comforting for me.

Jinki's lines, the first time we'd heard his singing voice after a long while! He looks so good. Then I started bawling, because I knew the next lines were Jjong's, but Kibum sang them.. And it was so surreal. I have no words to describe the feeling of hearing thousands of people crying-no, weeping-- so openly. It was the first time I wept so openly as well. It was so clear the members were having a hard time too, they looked really nervous and distraught. In my head I was going, "Shoot, we have to stop crying!!!" because I knew it'd affect them too.

Then, it was a roller coaster ride. LOL. There were high-energy dance songs! I was so nervous when Everybody started playing because the choreo was so Five-centric..I think the revisions were good. But it still felt bittersweet, because.

EVIL! It's one of my fave SHINee choreos and I can't believe they performed it since it's Korean. There were no blindfolds, but I loved the red cloths. After Juliette, there was the opening ment. Not a lot of words were said. Jinki said he was nervous because it's been a really long time since he last saw everybody. Then Key said they'll change clothes for the next stages. Minho asked us to listen to the next song.

So the lights dimmed and BOOM. End of the Day started playing. There was a message flashed on screen. "Hey Jonghyun, you're also here today right?" My heart stopped beating. A montage of Jjong and SHINee's photos on the screen with sweet messages.. Jeez. I wasn't ready. More Shawols wailing. Then came the ballads and it was tough. They left Jjong's parts in and his photos on screen. It was really hard for them~ My boys.

Diamond Sky was played with videos of the Five performance on screen. This was really sad, because those were usually cute and sweet and it was hard to see it alongside them on stage looking rather upset. The hand signal means so much to Shawols. Minho was raising his hand extra high to the sky, like he's sending it to someone up there.

Then came more high-energy dances. LLO reminded me of the time they made fun of Jjong's lines. Taemin covered it and I laughed. Hello was so cute! Also Onew forgot he was singing Jjong's lines and he smiled at his mistake. Then came go-near-the-audience time! The usual trucks moving around..

Then Minho and Taemin rode on a freaking BALLOON. This was so amazing ahahaha. Minho kept bowing to us like a prince. My prince, Minho. Taemin was his usual fail self, like he was all extra trying to throw the frisbee as far as he can but it ended up hitting the balloon and flopping straight down below. Then when their paths crossed, Minho threw a ball to Taemin and he caught it! He was so shocked himself. Aaah, dorky Taemin is best Taemin. I haven't talked about Key. Kibum was so extra gorgeous today. That's the best way to describe him. I love his new hair color, and his outfits wow!

Towards the last high-energy-dance parts, they wore these red satin outfits? Key and Minho had shiny tight pants and Key's neckline was as deep as the Marianas Trench. Thank you stylists. Also Taem wore a beret. They performed Hitchhiking which was AWESOME! They were doing it in a dance-off way, two on two. Except you know, this was a Jongkey song so I was a bit sad again.

I also forgot to add, but most of the stages were done in the moving parts, similar to the ones used during Five. an extension of the front part of the stage can slide towards the front. I like that most of the time they were at the center.

Why So Serious was.. interesting for me. Mainly because my first thought was "Hah! Well you'd had a lot of practice doing this one without him."

Kimi no Sei De was next. Minho and Onew were near our side of the stage and damn, that chorus choreo is not healthy when it's so near. Minho killed a few fangirls on the arena seats.

After Lucifer, they dimmed the lights, flashed the logo and we started the "SHINee, woot woot!" which was weird, because it's ending so early? They came out for encore, not dressed in the usual encore tshirts, but very casually. More ballad time! Sing your Song was funny for me because it became reading practice. I loved it when we sang along! And then I'm With You and people started bawling again~ the four are now looking sadder again, did I tell you this was a roller coaster? Yep. The ending ment was too much for all of us, I think. Taem was the first to mention Jjong, saying he was like family to him. Minho said he wants us to promise to remember Jjong forever. Key cried. Everyone cried. They then said the next song is a new one sang by all of the members. It was a very jazzy number and the choreo (as always) was cool. Urgh, Jjong's voices shine in tracks like these.

The last one was Replay, minus the dance.

Everyone thought it was over but we stayed, chanting SHINee over and over again. They did return for one final song. The stage showed five spots, with five mic stands. The middle one was empty bar another light shining on it from a window. A new ballad! They all had roses in their suits but Jjong's place, the center, has a rose in the stand. The song was so good, what's new it's SHINee, and the message was so sweet. But everyone was crying and all of them were crying and at the end, they placed their roses on the mic stand. It's over.

So I bawled over the opening song, cried a bit for first ballads, then overall, I started enjoying myself. But I am a blinger, so I remember everything. I know almost all of Jjong's lines. I appreciate the fact that they didn't assign all of his lines to one member-- they all sang. Not just Taemin or Onew. And we all know Jjong's lines are not the easiest. Eventually I just felt calm, in a I am numb sort of way? When I see the boys distraught, or crying, or having difficulties speaking, I thought: what a cruel, cruel world.

Whenever I see fans holding up uchiwas or signs for their biases I wanted to barf, because well, there's no point holding an uchiwa anymore for my bias, lol. I felt so sad and sometimes I felt out of it for that very reason.

I wish he was still here. I wish he wasn't taken away from us. Then it'll just be a fun concert and we'd have new SHINee memes and new happy memories? But it's a cruel world.

SHINee was my consistent source of positive light. These concerts used to be a sweet, fun gathering of a group and their loyal fans. But it will never be the same, won't it? The worst was that I in the audience could feel how difficult this was for them. Nobody deserves this fate, more so SHINee and Shawols.. But we couldn't do anything about it, because the world is cruel like that.

I love them so much, with all my heart. I want to hug them and thank them and protect them forever.

Jinki, Kibum, Minho and Taemin. Thank you for doing this. I promise I will remember Jonghyun forever.

Jjong.. were you watching? I miss you so, so much.