#i was really hoping to find one of those fuckin online like room generator things

[healertm]

@havesinned​    spoke  thus :      ❛ 🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?  ❜ 25 oc questions

lyra’s  house doubles as the inn  /   infirmary  she runs.   the two buildings connect.   the  home  side of the building is smaller in comparison,   and only harbors three rooms and a single bathroom  ( terrible,   i know,   and it has to be shared with her brother so  even worse ).

her room is the bigger one between that and her brother’s,   and has her bed directly underneath a window,   a large drawer set across from it,   and in the opposite corner a medium sized bookshelf and comfortable chair and desk.   on her bed sits a few stuffed animals,   some looking more worn than others,   the most notable being a dark red and gold hand-stitched dragon with large black button eyes. the walls are an off tan color,   the furniture is a dark oak and her sheets and blankets are grey and brown.    the sun beams through her window just right during sunset,   making everything seem to glow.   the curtains can be shut,   but it looks like they haven’t ever been considering the dust on them.   for the most part everything is always clean,   though,   besides her desk which is always cluttered with papers and open books.    it smells like warm honey and mint that lingers out from her room.

her kitchen is stacked with bottles and jars of many different herbs and spices.   she loves cooking,   especially experimenting with new flavors.   there’s also a special section for different types of teas.   it’s a pretty basic kitchen area,   with a small dining table across the bar  and  on the other side of the room another small coffee table by the window.   this is right beside the entrance to the house and there’s a dark red rug under that table.   the floor leading up to that rug seems to have mud and dirt stains,   despite the obvious effort to get them out.   maybe that’s why the rug is where it is...

the outside of her house is right by her garden,   not too big but definitely not small.   she grows plenty of fresh produce and behind that garden is another one,   smaller for her herbs and other flowers.   these gardens are her pride and joy !!    it’s her favorite past time,   so of course they’re going to look  FLAWLESS  and well kept.

as for the inn side of the building...   it’s  kind of like a doctor’s office in the fact that  it’s a little more bland,   everything is where it should be,   and it smells like sanitizer and occasional incense burning.   she doesn’t keep the place decorated or doesn’t bother with super fancy sheets  or anything of the sort because often the people in there tend to be bleeding or sick.   and she doesn’t have the funds to buy new ones every time they’re ruined.

[waterparchive]

Track By Track: ‘FANDOM’ with Waterparks

Brii Jamieson – October 21, 2019

Because who better to explain 'FANDOM' than the lads in Waterparks?

So now that we've all had a chance to listen to Waterparks' new album 'FANDOM' and properly mull it over and digest it, we thought that this would be an opportune moment to go through the album in more detail. But rather than us explaining the themes and nuances of the songs on the album, we asked Waterparks to talk us through each track on 'FANDOM'. Here we go.

01. ‘Cherry Red’ Awsten Knight: “I had another demo that I was doing of [‘Cherry Red’], and the file got corrupted. And I was like, ‘Fuck’. I couldn’t open it anymore, and dragged in all the pieces of audio, and just made new tracks of audio. I was going to try and rearrange it to the way I had it, but I pressed play and it sounded like ‘Cherry Red’ when it kicks in. I was just in my room like, ‘Oh shit!’ I was like, ‘Well that’s that’.

“That was fucking wild - but that’s the start to the best album in the world. It gives hints to the last song, because that last song goes, ‘So I must be dead’, and this one’s like, ‘You know I’d die for you’ - get it?”

02. ‘Watch What Happens Next’ Awsten: “‘Watch What Happens Next’ is me just being all, ‘Fuck y’all’. Not all of y’all, just like, a lot of y’all. Most of y’all. All of y’all!

“I overthink shit, a lot of shit. I’m in a band. I overthink being in a band a lot. And one of those things that I’ve overthought is how most other genres are able to celebrate their successes, and it’s a very looked-down-on thing in ‘band world’ to talk about most shit besides feelings. It’s really weird, and it doesn’t really make sense. It’s naïve to pretend that that’s the only thing that exists, and also kind of bad because it panders to people that are just stuck in this cycle of being fucking sad all the time. It makes for mopey high school kids - like me!

“It’s about, in the same regard, how bands aren’t allowed to experiment as much with music as other kinds of people. This isn’t me shitting on it - this is me saying we should be allowed to do it. But hip-hop albums that I really love are super fuckin’ artsy, and if a band were to do that it would be like, ‘What the fuck are y’all doing?’ because when a band switches up the tiniest little thing, [fans] are not about it at all. And it’s super dogshit, it’s very weird, and I think it holds the genre back as a whole, so it was a very frustrating thing for me. So I wrote about it, as I tend to do.”

03. 'Dream Boy' Awsten: “‘Dream Boy’ is about fan expectations. It’s about being built into something, based on an idealised version of you - an unwarranted one, at that - where people look at you as a certain thing. They see you online as, ‘Oh, he’s this and this and this’, and they put what they need you to be into their heads. It’s built into this thing that you cannot live up to, and it’s ultimately going to lead to disappointment - on their end, and my end, because it doesn’t feel good to let people down. But that’s just what happens. Pop banger, dude!”

04. 'Easy To Hate' Awsten: “That one was a ‘Friendly Reminder’ song actually, but it was just a really good song and everyone said I should keep it, and I was just like, ‘Yo, you’re right’. It’s about a break up. Yeah.”

05. 'High Definition' Awsten: “You guys are gonna make me cry by the end of this, and I’m gonna be like, ‘I hope you’re happy with this feature and you get your clicks’. Here we go.

“‘High Definition’ was the latest set of lyrics written for the album - it was the last thing. It’s about not being able to get close to people, because of what we do, being gone all the time. Or, you know, starting to have some kind of stature and not trusting the people who hit you up, because people may not have done so much before.

“There’s a song that’s all, ‘Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me’ [Mike Jones’ ‘Back Then’] - but not in like a bragalicious way. It’s an, ‘I’m like really lonely, I hate all of this’, kind of way. It’s like that.”  

06. 'Telephone' Awsten: “‘Telephone’ was written when I was super fucking depressed - surprise - and I was at Target. I saw a cute girl at Target, and instead of being like, ‘Sup’ - I would have never done that anyway - I went home and wrote a super obsessive love song, and it was so tight.”

Geoff Wigington: “He called me and was like, ‘Dude, I’ve just seen the prettiest person at Target, I don’t even know what to do - I can’t find them now. I think I’m just gonna go home and write about it’.”

Awsten: “Did that happen?”

Geoff: “Yeah!”

Awsten: “Alright. Either way, I also don’t remember what they look like anymore. Because I saw the responses when I said that were like, ‘What does she look like, blah blah blah missed connection’, and I honestly don’t remember. It was like, January 2018. Yeah, so that song’s that.

“There’s another reason that it almost wasn’t on the album - the original version was kind of pop-punk sounding, and I was like, ‘Fuck that’. But the other reason is, I was trying to decide if it takes away from the album - but it doesn’t though. Because with some of the other themes of the album, it counts as the sugar-spike in [‘Fandom’]. Because when you’re dealing with some shit, you have hard ups and downs, and it’s kind of like a manic thing. It’s lodged between ‘High Definition’ which is a very lonely, isolating song, then you’ve got the ‘AAAAAAH!’ (we pretend that ‘Group Chat’ isn’t a thing for a second), and we have ‘Turbulent’. So it’s between those guys. That’s how it’s meant to be. It’s like, low - very high - very low.”

07. ‘Group Chat' Awsten: “Let’s talk ‘Group Chat’ dude.” [They literally just performed ‘Group Chat’ here. That’s the whole thing].

08. ‘Turbulent’ Awsten: “I was like, ‘I’m done with break up songs dude, I’m over it’. Then I got re-mad at some new shit. Then I was like, ‘You know what though, if we’re gonna do this, it’s gotta be crazy different from everything else, sonically and lyrically’, so instead of approaching it like, ‘Eh’, it was like, ‘Fuck you nerd, I’m way tighter than all of this shit’. Oh my god, and then sonically it was just so dark and shiny and fast, and I was like, ‘This is the best’. [‘Turbulent’] was the turning point for ‘Fandom’ - that was the first thing made after being like, ‘You know what, that one is not going to work, we’re gonna start over’. That was the first thing, and then I was like, ‘Oh, this is what we’re supposed to be doing, alright’.”

09. 'Never Bloom Again' Awsten: “That song has been in the process of being written since 2015. I’ve got real old versions of that. But the thing is, it just kept evolving - I kept doing new verses, and changing things in the hook and stuff like that. And there was a version of it that was ready around the time of ‘Entertainment’ - it wasn’t quite the same, but the reason it wasn’t on there was because I was like, ‘If it’s only 10 songs, there shouldn’t be two acoustic. That might be overkill’.”

10. 'I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore' Awsten: “‘I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don’t Wanna Die Anymore’ is about missing having sex… but not wanting to die anymore. In the verses, I was just trying to talk directly to the fans - the first one that’s like, ‘Stop asking me that, don’t ask me that, I don’t wanna do that, I don’t wanna do that either’. It’s always somebody’s birthday. Always. But that song leaves nothing to be imagined… If somebody is like, ‘What’s that line mean?’, I’d be like, ‘Can you read?’. When I say all the lyrics in this album are a lot more blunt, this one is the perfect example of that.”

11. 'War Crimes' Awsten: “Oh. Bud-dy. Oh my lord. What a crazy song. Initially there was another version - or when I first started doing it, it was like a girly base and I was like, ‘Shut up Awsten! We’ve got way tighter shit to say’. It’s me venting about the past year and a half, but it’s like an overview of that time, and is just me bitching about all of it, because bitching is great.

“I mean, we’ve toured a lot, so we’ve experienced a lot with other bands. We’ve experienced a lot just with other people in general and how they are, and how they treat you when things suck - or when things are tight. Or how they treat me because I’m the singer, and he’s just the drummer!”

12. ‘[REBOOT]’ Awsten: “Oh man, that’s like the pettiest breakup song, but it’s so great. I sing so quick in that song, it’s really fun. I wanted that one to come out before [the album] because I worry when songs are towards the back of the album that they’re just not gonna be heard as much, and it’s just a little more sonically… I don’t wanna say low-key - but other songs slam, or I’m like screaming and shit. I wanted to make sure it got its highlight.

“And plus, shout out to those Marilyn Manson-sounding vocals in the chorus - because I didn’t want it to stay the same dynamically, but when we tried to make it go up it just sounded dumb. I was like, ‘Do you know what we have to do? We have to go gloomier. Just sink that bottom half with some real dark shit, some real minor stuff in there’. We made it sound just like Marilyn Manson and it was crazy, and I was like ‘there it is! Bop!’.”

13. ‘Worst’ Awsten: “‘Worst’ was written in March 2019. That’s a lie.

“‘Worst’ started the way most demos do - on the laptop. But then I got upset! And I went and walked to Starbucks and put it on YouTube one morning after seeing some stuff online, and left it unlisted for a minute because I knew our old label would be like ‘waaa’ about it. So I left it up for a minute on unlisted so if people had the link they could find it, but then I deleted the tweet. So I just let it circulate, and dude that shit had like 30,000 views, which back then was like, a lot - because that was back before ‘Entertainment’. Then they made me put it on private, because they found that and Felony Steve: rest in peace Felony Steve (he’ll be back). But then people kept re-uploading it, and one of them has like 400,000 something views right now, which is crazy. So I was just like, ‘I think I can do that song way fucking better’, and sonically it’s completely different now. Yeah, that song is fuckin’ tight. It’s one of the more genre-unique songs on the album.”

14. ‘Zone Out’ Awsten: “‘Zone Out’ came before ‘Dream Boy’ - it was stuck in my head for a long time, and finally I just recorded that chip-tune version of it, for me. But it was kind of ad-libby and shit. So once I got more of the lyrics together I did that. I was just listening to it on repeat because I was like, ‘This is so beautiful’, but then I was like, ‘You know what, this song should be like a full-on pop banger’, and then ‘Dream Boy’ happened. But it���s meant to be like a reflection at the end of the album, kind of like, after all this shit. And it’s kind of more shaky sounding, low… a little more sarcastic at that point.”

15. ‘I Felt Younger When We Met' Awsten: “What a fuckin’ hit. Yeah, that song, there was a version of it for ‘Friendly Reminder’, but it was just super light and it just didn’t do its job. I was like, ‘It’s just not impacting the way it needs to, so it needs to be rewritten’, and now it’s the fucking most insane intro on the entire album - oh my god. When we first got that at the studio, I was in the car with it and I was just like, ‘Woah’, turned it up way to loud, and just started it over when it got to the verse. So crazy.

“That song lyrically links back in to ‘Cherry Red’ - because it’s all meant to be very cohesive, even with the album art and stuff like that. Like the clock hands on the orange - that’s supposed to be the visual, and the ticking at the end represents that it’s about to start over again. Because it’s cyclical! Because guess what, dude? One of the fucking themes, part of the concepts of ‘Fandom’ is grief, and grief is a fucking loopy thing, it’s not a straight path - sometimes you gotta start over again. And you know what? The album did that: sonically, visually, conceptually. It’s a concept album, give us a five.”

https://www.rocksound.tv/features/read/track-by-track-fandom-with-waterparks

[unproduciblesmackdown]

so being abused the entire first 2 decades of your life: what’s up with that? Night Posts Edition

- classic when finding some “uh oh relatable!” content abt various Disorderres and there’s some thing like “many symptoms overlap with ptsd” and it’s like ooh which one is applying to me?? i mean spoilers the idea that The Grouping Of Non Nt Traits And Experiences Into Distinct Classifications is not actually...an exact science and for all intents and purposes it makes no difference if i am going “oh god #me” at an informative post about adhd if actually its ptsd acting exactly the same anyways so. but yknow it’s wild n zany being like “am i overstepping my bounds b/c this was caused by coping with trauma possibly? what audacity” and etc when it really....that doesnt matter....

- also ugh @ retaining things that downplay abusers’ responsibility for their actions (in specific things you’re personally dealing with, not like, as a general stance) and shift blame onto yourself like........you have to get so used to treating someone’s Abusive Behavior as something inevitable that you can’t ever expect them to stop doing, and thus pretty much considering someone abusive like a force of nature because they’re just gonna do what they’re gonna do whenever they next get Set Off rather than like.......a person who is responsible for their own behavior and in control of their own choices and like. especially zany when you’re a kid and they’re your parent so there’s the Power Imbalance of them being an adult and the other power imbalance of them being in control of your whole existence. but so like even just the other year i was taking the blame for calmly speaking back to a grownass man close to thrice my age raging at me and saying like, not verbatim but the idea of like “ugh i know it was partly my fault for even saying anything back to him because i knew he’d just continue to yell but unfortunately i just refuse to weather that kind of behavior without standing up for myself at all anymore” but like no!!!! that’s shifting all the responsibility for this other person’s behavior onto myself, like i Made him choose to shout at me at like 4am because he sucks and has some kind of superiority power trip issues. cuz i am well within rights to respond to anyone addressing me and it’s Not my fault at all that he chooses to react the way he reacts. 

- also that i was ready to excuse my being blamed for this by others because they were closer to that person than they were to me and i was gonna be like “okay i Get wanting to defend someone who’s closer to you” but no!!!! actually!!!! i may get it but i don’t condone excusing anyone’s horrible behavior in the least just cuz you know them or they’re friends or family or something. in fact that’s terrible. i’m just primed to be Used To It because of the weird situation of parental abuse where there’s other people also trapped in this location and daily life with an abuser and if someone “causes” the abuser to start being shitty then they’ll get blamed / resented for that. me and my siblings seem more like friendly acquaintances b/c we had to be pitted against each other in these kinds of ways for eons until we were all in our teens and got some more Space and kind of realized that we weren’t each others enemies and got closer and my dumb little brother was old enough to stop being a whiny binch and Owed me for helping him with math hw over the phone from 2 hrs drive away lol.....jk, sort of.....we did get along great eventually but then i left thanks to said abuse and us talking via twitter isn’t at all the same as us being able to talk in person :/

- also one thing that sometimes Strikes me is that when i’m like blandly recalling incidents of abuse like “oh yeah, that time” it bothers me less to think about stuff that happened to me specifically than to think about times it was Other people who were being treated that way. the latter was always equally or probably more upsetting and it always felt just as bad in the moment anyways, there was no major distinction in the Abuse In Progress experience if it was directed mostly on you than on other people

- all my life i’ve also been super stubborn which never helped and even Abuse MaGee would have to try to get creative with Disciplinary Systems and there was this golden “punishment” which was eat dinner in your room by yourself and i was like oh my god can i really. the horror of Family Dinner was like, this dark comedic farce playing out in that house for all our lives. christ. speaking of being stubborn this one time my sister cut my toe with a knife (half accidentally) because i refused to stop swinging my legs despite her holding the knife under the table lol and i also refused to tell on her b/c we were All In This Together (that is, Us vs The Abuser, which always took precedence over any internal conflict in our faction lol)

- always remembering how my “’”””””””defining”””””””””” trait was always getting good grades except the only reason i ever felt this pressure was the time my sister caught shit for getting a C, and i wasn’t even getting A - F letter grades yet and was already like jfc guess i can’t like....get a single C ever.....the joke is i’ve always been a godawful student who hates school, i just also managed to get great grades fairly easily, b/c of the devil probably. i’m sorry

- love to wonder what interests i might have been able to explore if i didn’t want to hide anything i was genuinely interested in and other True Thoughts And Feelings from my ‘rents. who knows!!! even now i’m not sure what i like and my vague ideas about it are all mostly In Theory and i don’t have any hopes and dreams b/c of never being able to really consider my own interests and desires and also because when every day of your life is basically spent in survival mode about everything else, that’s not really conducive to having dreams and ambitions. see also: like, being really poor

- The Weird Experience when only one of your parents is abusive and the other parent is also experiencing spousal abuse and so like, even though they’re your parent, you know that they don’t really have equal power as the abusive one because they too are being abused? it’s a complicated thing b/c that’s how every individual experience with abuse is (complicated). and so you’ve got this bizarre situation where maybe someone cares about you but they can’t really protect you from this other person. and like, my dad is crap and in some areas even a crappier person than my abusive mom and also i hate him, but i only hate him for certain things lmao not for being abused or some ways he tried to deal with it. i know what’s trash and what’s not

- the zany experience of No One Will Help You Ever.....lucky for me i eventually figured out on my own that what i’d been living with all the time had actually been abuse for real all along! and yet still i knew that like, there wasn’t much i could immediately do with that information because..........yknow, what do you actually do. i was basically already 18, so. and even if i hadnt been. there’s nothing to do for it!! just sucks to be you, basically. but an exception is that when one day i texted my friend to ask if i might be able to leave my house overnight and crash at their family’s place for a little bit, their parents immediately were like Yes Of Course and they let me stay there for a week and were very nice about all of it. between them and the nice trans lady who gave me some more Housing Assistance by letting me stay in her spare room for like, most of december.....my Allies. plus someone who talked to me via online once i bailed on my ‘rents! if they read this they know who they are and they have continued to be so kind and generous ugh love and appreciate you

- god just individual occasions of “THIS bullshit that i went through this one time” of especially ridiculous incidents.....i could go on for eons

- sort of tangentially related and related to the first point but ugh specific memories of Moments In Which It Continued To Be Revealed To Me That I, Individually, Was Prone To Being Kind Of Socially Ostracized.....like my ass started noticing that shit as soon as i was around other kids aka preschool aka 4 yrs old.......like i’m usually somewhat withdrawn and cautious and quiet in social situations especially what with the association that “misbehaving” = trauma exposure so, yknow, that might be a way that you’re pressured into just keeping to yourself and keeping your head down. but talk about “i don’t really relate to other people my age” lmao like i always preferred interacting with adults really while by and large dealing with the other kids felt like a challenge that i was never gonna actually come out on top of and i still remember individual Efforts i’d make to ~fit in~ and Participate that just fell flat or got me actively excluded....Ugh City........and it’s like, i could make a list of Social Traits i think i have that help make it difficult for people to be interested in interacting with me, or “contribute” to those joyous occasions when you get to sit back and take in the thinly veiled contempt directed at you by various shitheads, but like, even that’s not really the right way to explain it. its kind of more a Greater Than The Sum Of Its Weird Parts sorta combined experience where i guess i just have this kind of Negative Je Ne Sais Quoi that gets ya the social brushoff / rejection. c’est ce que c’est. the joke is i actually like people and socializing In Theory, i just usually don’t get to do it. shoutout to the advanced relatability of alana calling everyone Acquaintances b/c i literally did/do that lmao......like are we friends if we don’t talk all that often? it’s part on me cuz i’m crap at being the person to initiate conversation cuz too often i assume i’d be an annoyance and also b/c conversation with me is like, not great lmao but still......ce’st l’a v’ie

anyways (clip from that fuckin song where it’s like WHO CAN RELATE lmao.mp3)

[folerdetdufoler]

oh friday. we love a fredag in this house. this was the one day i had plans, and by “i had plans” i mean i tagged along for haidee and nadège’s plans because they were in oslooooo! they were flying in later that morning, so i had some time to spend on my own, which was good. i took my sweet ol’ time eating breakfast, looking out the window and hoping for the clouds to part, a ray of sun to appear, anything. but no. it remained quite dark most of the day, and the light you see in the photos is mostly due to editing in instagram. there was also a pretty constant drizzle that remained from the day before, but i wasn’t going to let that stop me. i had a city to explore!

so, naturally, i went back to the opera house, my most visited location outside of my hotel room in all of my trips combined. it was a bit too windy to deal with my travel umbrella so that went back into my backpack after the second time it blew inside out. i walked over to the harbor to see if, perhaps, the view was better over the water. it was not. but i climbed up the opera house steps anyway, because at least i could walk off breakfast. it was strange because i was the only one up there, but it was also shit weather and not much of a view (again), so i just figured i would enjoy having the place to myself (was the opera house closed? mayhaps.). and enjoy it i did, because i managed to slip and fall at the top! i was done climbing, it wasn’t even any kind of incline…i was just distracted trying to take a photo of the non-view and my feet were like “okay let’s make a break for it!” and they most certainly did. now i love my alone time, being able to experience the world without the pressure of existing in it, but i really loved my alone time just then, when my body decided to stop standing. feet went up, ass went down, i probably screamed, and then i posted about it on instagram, like you do. the tradition of climbing up the opera house in the winter and then eating it was alive and well.

i held on to the wall as i climbed back down.

then i walked around the harbor, hoping the light rain would soak enough of the rest of my pants as to disguise how wet my ass was. i went to the salt…area? installation? i’m not sure how to describe it. the other side of the harbor. just because it was a location i’d seen in a bunch of norwegian instagram stories and i had to see these t-shirts for myself. it was cool. i was slightly distracted because i was going low at that point, had walked off too much of my breakfast in fact, and only had a packet of gushers in my backpack for a sugar boost. so i moved on to an apotek to find glucose tablets.

i changed pump systems back at the end of august, adding a cgm and increasing my insulin usage by like…500%. my previous two trips were done on an old, dying pump and barely any bolusing or glucose monitoring, so this was my first trip where i was actively using insulin and keeping my numbers in range. this is a good thing, of course, but it was also new and a distraction and created dangerous situations for myself as i insisted on walking back and forth across the city center. i struggled to count carbohydrates with the different nutrition information on the food i bought (y’all what’s the point of telling me how many carbs are in 100 g of food if i can’t tell how much food is in the container?). i mean, i did okay, because i’ve been eyeballing this shit since i was twelve, but my new system relies heavily on accurate carb counts and boluses. if i don’t give it the right information, it has to compensate with the basal rate, and those automatic adjustments were not jiving with my bursts of activity. ugh, okay, well this was all just a weird venting aside and explanation for what i did in my down time: struggle.

in some flash of unusual foresight, i had kept the empty tube of glucose tablets and was able to show that to the pharmacist so she could do the translating for me. i would’ve cooed over the norwegian version of my tablets if i had the mental capacity in that moment, but i had to eat some first before i could even navigate my bag to find my wallet to pay for them. i was blessedly alone in this pharmacy as well, so only this one lady had to witness me dumping my damp backpack out on the floor to find a fuckin’ credit card. anyway, crisis averted. i chomped on raspberry-flavored sugar as i walked back to the hotel. whatever parts of me hadn’t gotten wet from the rain were now soaked through with my sweat so i had to dry off before the main event.

haidee had arranged for a late lunch for us at ett bord, so i met her and nadège there, along with margaux and charlotte. it was so lovely reconnecting with my girls and meeting new ones, and talking about the show of course but also learning about their regular lives as well. i don’t have much to compare it to, but it always feels so easy meeting strangers because even if we never interacted online, we still have this same source material that, at this point, courses through our veins. we talked about the show and fic and the con of course, since half of us were attending it the next day. i took a picture of the quiche that haidee had ordered because i…did not know that was quiche. and then maybe halfway through lunch i shit my pants?

or whatever it is that my body did when it heard henrik’s voice over my shoulder. maybe it was the opposite of shitting my pants. maybe i was clenching too hard because i felt like my heart was going to fall out of my ass. yeah, that.

our end of the table went silent. i was the last to realize what was going on because i had angled my body to face everyone else so i couldn’t see him enter or sit down. but i heard his voice and i froze and i hated myself for it.

we managed to get talking and eating again like the adult human beings we are. i think a couple were sat between our group and henrik then so it felt like there was a buffer and i could relax a bit. siv came over to chat and we were #exposed as fans (though if the chick clenching so tight she was about to eat the stool with her ass wasn’t a tip off then…) but i think we remained chill? i hope we did? i was still functioning well enough to use a fork so there was that, at least. and the food was good! i cleared my plate.

but then that fucker decided to come over to our group and say hi before he left, exhibiting the kindness and hospitality he’s known for at this point, and ugh. how dare he. i did not consent to death, thank you very much, yet there i was, clenching and dying.

i don’t know how to explain it without sounding rude and ungrateful, so i guess i’m being rude and ungrateful. but it did feel…violating? if only because i thought the screen that had always separated me from him as an actor was still in place. i realize i was in his city, in his family’s restaurant, and i was at this place of my own volition, but i still expected that wall to remain intact. i’d been to the restaurant twice before without coming into contact with his family, or been identified as a skam fan. i had assumed it would happen again. i had assumed those involved with the convention would be busy elsewhere with that, or hiding from it as long as they could. the restaurant is weirdly an established fan attraction, and thus far i’d been able to enjoy it without that association, and i had naively thought it would remain that way even on the eve of such a large fan event. but i’m a goddamn fool, and henrik is a very generous host.

he left. i unclenched. i think everyone else was simply delighted by the chance meeting and excited for the weekend to come because that’s why they were there. they were there to be skam fans. and i guess i…wasn’t? even though i’ve been struggling with my identity as anything but a skam fan, here i was, at the heart of the show, trying to deny it. ugh.

anyway, marie joined us as we were finishing up and from there we all walked to the convention location so they could register in advance. i met up with jenn there, and then we just bounced around until it was time for the play. we went to an atm, then to a christmas market, then to tanum on a sudden, exciting hunt for books, then to the theatre! and finally, finally, surrounded by blonde children who only came up to my waist, i got to hug kit. third time’s the charm, bitch.

then it was time for snøfall! we were seated painfully close to the stage because in my enthusiasm over the summer i had chosen some aggressive seating. on top of that actors were entering the stage from the aisle and the wing right in front of us, so while it was a funny and sweet story, i was legitimately frightened multiple times throughout as residents of snøfall ran right past us. but it was a fun show to watch, and the singing was impressive. i got to tune my ear to more norwegian, and of course, see tarjei. i loved the whole atmosphere of it, because it reminded me of my own family’s christmas tradition as a child, going to see the nutcracker at lincoln center. and holy shit, the set design was amazing? i barely looked at the program but at the end we stood in the lobby and tried to figure out who was responsible for choreographing such detailed settings in a very mechanical yet elegant way (i think it’s gjermund andresen and christer berg, fyi).

it was a wholly enjoyable performance, riiiiight up until a tarjei stan ran up to the stage to hand him flowers. he had to step out of the bows to accept them, which felt rude to the actual stars of the play and the children actors, but i didn’t catch their actual reactions because i was busy dying, again. i slid down in my seat hoping to melt into the floor but alas. #exposed.

we left. no one had a plan (welcome to the club) so we wandered to the christmas market. then we figured we needed dinner, so we walked over to grünerløkka to a place jenn had on her list. they were too busy for drop-ins, but their host kindly directed us to another restaurant with a similar vibe. at this point we’d done quite a bit of walking and were getting hungry, so when we spotted a bislett kebab on the way we decided to just give up and grab something there instead. it didn’t really matter to me, because food is food (and at least i was familiar with this food since i’d had it a couple of times last winter!). i would keep walking for hours as long as we were talking, but it was good to finally rest. i think it made me realize how tired i was, and i wasn’t even coming off of a morning of travel like everyone else. we split off after dinner and i collapsed back at the hotel. what a day.

before i go though, i just need to say that the best part of all of this was listening to margaux, charlotte, marie, nadège, jenn, and haidee talk about fic. i think they talked more about fic and the characters than the actual show, which makes sense, because that’s the most active part of the fandom (this was before the bloopers announcement). they were talking about what was still so alive for them, what they were keeping alive with their own stories and comments, and i just want to…i don’t know, give them credit? these women are amazing. they are why i impulse-bought tickets back in august, so i would have an excuse to see them again, and meet more like them, and attempt to show support in return. they are pursuing what they love, accomplishing so much, honing their own skills and supporting the talents of others. as much as i am ashamed of being one myself, i love how they are fans. i admire their lack of shame and their abundance of respect. they were on a trip, thoroughly enjoying themselves, and it was just comforting and affirming to watch them be relatable and wonderful human beings treating themselves to a fun weekend (what they deserve). i wonder, when i grow up, if i could be like them someday.

[turtlesoupstories]

Retrouvailles (4/4)

hello friends, it is finally here, the final part of our 500 follower collab fic! this is my second take on it, i just wasn’t happy with the first one but i’m so proud of this one. the first one was 10 pages and so is this one, so yall are in for a ride. thank you so much for all your feedback and kind messages they mean everything to us! i really hope you guys enjoy it!

as always i want to thank my other ladies: kaitlyn, marlo, mikayla for helping me come up with ideas and editing this fuckin novel.

you can find the previous parts of retrouvailles here

and be sure to check out the amazing drawing that @outlanderedandoverhere so kindly made for us!

see you all on the flip side 😏 

-shannon ( @internallydeceased )

Two Years Later… Boston, Massachusetts

Claire stared into the deep amber liquid of the whiskey that swirled in her glass, half hoping that the tiny tornado she created would suck her up and spit her out somewhere else–anywhere else.

“Are you even listening to me, L. J.?” Joe–her one true friend and confidant–nudged her with his elbow, pulling her from her reverie.

“Hm? Sorry, what were you saying?” Claire replied, her head jerking up to meet his eyes, cheeks flushed in humiliation.

Joe chuckled, “It’s fine, don’t sweat it.” He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling as he did so. “I asked if you were alright–something on your mind?” He took another swig of his drink, eyebrows raised over the rim of the cup in anticipation.

Her hands lay in her lap, grappling with each other as anxiety and guilt washed over her all at once.  

She stared at her hands, trying to focus on anything other than the emotions that plagued her. Tears welled up in her eyes as the memory of a young boy flitted across her consciousness.

Joe placed a large hand over both of hers comfortingly, assuring her that he was–and always would be–there for her.

“Claire, you know you can tell me.”

She laughed shortly. “You know, I can’t seem to remember you ever calling me that before.”

Looking up at him, she watched as he shook his head. “Well, there’s a first time for everything,” he joked, but his face turned serious as he nodded, signalling her to continue.

Claire took in a long shaky breath, closing her eyes for a moment in an attempt to gain her composure.

“I can’t stop thinking about him… or his mother. Joe, I’ve never had a patient die on me. Ever. And with that, I feel like I could’ve—should’ve—saved him…” She trailed off, her voice choked on the sobs that threatened to break through.

She finally looked up at him, her eyes glassy with tears. “It’s all my fault, Joe. A mother now has to live without her child because of me. I killed him.” She finished, voice cracked with emotion, and she leaned onto Joe’s shoulder—thoroughly and completely falling to pieces.

Joe pulled her into his chest, silently shushing her and drawing soothing patterns on her back with his hand.

“Do you want to step outside for a minute?” He whispered, taking note of the scattered curious eyes lingering on them. She nodded, taking his hand as he lead them out of the comforting warmth of the bar and into the bitter cold of a December night.

She was still sobbing, her breath coming fast and short as she continued to lose control of her emotions. Joe turned towards her, forcing her to look up at him.

“Lady Jane, you can’t save everyone. It wouldn’t have made a difference if you’d gotten there an hour or, hell, even a minute sooner. Sometimes things happen that we can’t prepare for, and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it.”

“I’ve been able to save people before,” she murmured shakily into his chest. “Even when all the odds were against me, I was able to turn it around somehow. But not with him.” Shaking her head slowly, she could hardly begin to think about anything else, besides that it was her fault he lay cold and lifeless in a morgue instead of outside and alive, living his life with his family. There were so many things that he could no longer do, and now these things plagued her, lingering close behind her like a ghost.

Joe placed his hands on each of her shoulders, squeezing her hard enough so that she’d look at him. “Listen to me. You’ve been lucky, luckier than anyone I’ve ever known—but there isn’t a surgeon on this planet, no matter how lucky, that can save every patient that walks through their door.” He exhaled and dropped his arms from her shoulders so that they lay limp at his sides. “There will always be losses that stick with you, especially your first.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall.

Claire noticed that Joe was no longer present, his mind taking him to another time and place. She whispered softly, “Yours?”

“I was in my third year of residency. A woman came in with flu-like symptoms: she’d been sick for months, and her condition remained the same. I knew that it could’ve been anything—but I was so sure it wasn’t anything serious.” He paused, looking off into the distance, remembering. “I examined her, took some tests. But I failed to see something that seems so obvious now. I had expected it to be so easy, but…” He trailed off, unable to say the words that remained trapped in his throat.

Instead, she finished for him. “It wasn’t.”

“No,” he murmured, still far away. “It wasn’t.”

“What happened?” Claire inquired after another long pause.

He looked up at her, his eyes soft in the dim light of the street lamp, illuminating the tears that threatened to fall.

“We had her stay a few hours longer,  just in case something unusual were to happen. But it wasn’t until I went over the tests and mentally ran through the list of symptoms again that I realized what I had missed: Leptospirosis—”

“Weil’s disease,” she’d said, mostly to herself.

He nodded. “By the time we figured out what it was, it was too late. I did everything I could to save her but… there was nothing I could do for her. By the time she came in, her liver was already failing. The damage had already been done, and no one could’ve saved her, L. J. No one.”

Tears silently streamed down his cheeks, the guilt weighed on him, even now, despite the fact that he knew there was nothing else he could’ve done. Wiping his face to clear the few fallen tears, he took a deep breath and turned his attention back to his friend.

“With every life saved, another is lost. It doesn’t matter what we do to try and change that. There will always be death and there will always be life, no matter how hard we try to avoid it.” He smiled, squeezing his friend’s hand, “But it’s easier on the mind to focus on those we have saved, while letting the memory of those lost live forever in our minds.”

Claire swallowed and nodded, beginning to understand. The message was simple: she’ll always blame herself, but that’s okay. Focusing on the positive is more important, in order to keep her sanity.

Joe let out a light chuckle, placing his left hand on her shoulder and leading them back into the bar. “I don’t know about you Lady Jane, but I need a drink.”

The farther and farther into the drink Claire got, the more prevalent the boy’s death became. She tried to listen to Joe’s words, to let him live on in her memory and focus on others, but she couldn’t. A lingering thought was ever-present in her mind, hovering over her like a bee to a flower: that boy reminded her of someone she had known, a long time ago.

She had tried so hard to leave everything behind, to shove all her memories in a box and leave them in the back of the closet. But he was all she ever thought about, ever since she returned to Boston. Despite finishing medical school, earning her degree and finally living her dream as a surgeon, he always lingered in the back of her mind.

Deep down, she understood why Geordie Campbell’s death had resonated so strongly with her—she had just refused to admit it. She’d thought that if she ignored it, it would eventually go away and she could move on. But she should’ve known better.

A few months after she graduated, she tried dating again. The men came and went, none of them coming close to the feeling she had felt with him, the truest love she had ever found in her life. After her fifth or sixth failed date, she began to think that she’d be alone for the rest of her days.

Eventually, she just threw everything she had into work, spending so much time in that damn hospital that she might as well have lived there. Yet no matter how much time and effort she focused on the other aspects of her life, Jamie was always there, like a chain you just can’t shake free.

That day when the boy died on the table—in her hands—she lost herself completely, having to leave the room and stay in the break room for the rest of the night, her heart finally giving into the harsh truth she’d ignored for two long years:

She did want him, love him, miss him. And more than anything in her life, she wanted to be with him. Many a time she’d gone online, looking for flights to Paris; but as soon as she’d get to the book flight button, the fears and doubts nagged at her.

What if he hates me and never wants to see me again? Does he resent me, now, for leaving him after he spilled his entire heart out to me? What if he’s already moved on—with a girlfriend or, hell, married with a family? Could I live with myself if I broke apart a happy marriage? What if—

“Can you shut up for one second?” She muttered to herself, downing the rest of her glass.

The hours passed as the pair drank and talked, reminiscing about their internships and the beginning of their friendship. Joe spoke about his family, some of the odd cases that came into the ER in the last couple of weeks, and generally just laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

“I’ll be right back, just need to use the restroom.” She smiled at her friend—who was on his fourth drink, limiting himself so that he could watch over Claire and make sure she got home safely.

She was halfway to the restroom when she heard her name.

“Claire!”

Her entire body went rigid as she slowly turned to face him. “Frank,” she said in a clipped tone.

Frank smiled, his face sweet and genuine. For a moment, she wasn’t even sure it was the same man she’d known almost four years ago. “I was sitting over there and I saw you pass by, thought I’d ask how you’re doing. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.”

She narrowed her eyes, searching for the true colors of the man behind this mask of civility. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you and Sandy?”

He beamed at the name, eyes sparkling with something she’d never seen in him before. “We’re getting married, actually.”

“Well, I suppose congratulations are in order.”

He nodded humbly, “Thank you. What about you? Found anyone special?” He inquired as he looked over to where she’d just been sitting, arching one eyebrow as he spotted Joe.

“No,” she laughed, mostly at the notion of her and Joe as a couple. “That’s Joe. He’s my friend and coworker. But to answer your question: no, I’m focusing on my career for now.”

Frank smirked, a crack in the mask. “I see. I suppose some things don’t change.”

She gritted her teeth. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just funny to see how little people change in the span of three years,” he replied, looking her up and down with hawk-like eyes.

Unsure of his meaning, she instead turned her attention towards the bar and spotting a lone glass, half full with some foreign beverage. She stepped away for a moment before turning back to face him. “Funnily enough, Frank, neither have you.” With a flick of the wrist, she threw the drink at him, whatever alcoholic beverage it was splashing across his face and the top of his shirt.

She smirked triumphantly as she stalked away from him, not one tinge of regret present in her body. The look on his face was four years in the making.

“Shit!” Joe swore, checking the time on his wristwatch. “I’m sorry, L.J., but I’ve gotta get home.” He slipped into his jacket and geared up for the cold that awaited him outside the door. Once he zipped it up, he looked back to Claire, grimacing. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

She smiled, shaking her head in dismissal. “No need, I think I’ll walk. I could use the fresh air.”

His brows knitted together in concern. “Are you sure? If something happens, I-”

“Joe. Go home. I’ll be fine, I promise.” She gave him a reassuring smile and tilted her head towards the door, telling him that it was okay to leave. He hesitated, unsure of his decision, until Claire mouthed the word “go” and he finally left.

Claire turned her attention back to her drink: her second glass of water. She downed it before putting on her own jacket and gloves. Stepping outside into the dark, she noticed how the blanket of white over the ground sparkled when a headlight occasionally passed over it. Snow had begun to fall, microscopic crystals falling from the sky and decorating everything in a thick blanket of ice. She exhaled, watching the cloud of her breath dissipate into the air. The cold bit at her exposed skin, numbing the tip of her nose and the apples of her cheeks. She looked up at the sky before beginning the journey home—she couldn’t make out the difference between the stars and the snowflakes that floated towards her, thinking that perhaps they were one in the same.

The sidewalk was covered in a fresh sheet of snow, perfectly smooth and undisturbed. The streets were completely empty besides the occasional car going by or a light in a store window. Other than that, she was completely alone. In that moment, it was as if she were the only person in the world.

For the first time in a long time, she felt happy—free. Her heart and soul soothed by the smell of pine-trees and the memories of Christmases long past. But there was no feeling of grief or mourning as she thought of them, as there usually was. It was as though her parents were walking along side her, watching over her and keeping her safe. Only, it wasn’t their eyes that she felt on her back as she walked down the sidewalk, feet crunching in the snow underfoot. The hair at the back of her neck stood on end as the euphoria of the memory faded away into something else.

She shoved her hands inside her pockets and began to walk a little faster. If I can just get to the cafe a few blocks away, I’ll be fine, she thought to herself, a plan forming in her slightly fogged mind.

Never once did she look back as she made her way into the cafe, eyes forward and her head down, her rational mind attempting to assure her that the threat wasn’t real. She headed straight for the counter, asking the half-asleep barista for a black iced coffee. After paying for the drink, she stood by the napkin dispenser, heart racing as she could still feel the eyes on her.

Upon calling her name and setting the drink at the end of the counter, Claire grasped it in one hand. Pulling off the lid and turning to the napkin station, as if she was about to pour sugar into the drink, she instead turned and thrust her hand forward, throwing the drink directly in the face of the stranger behind her.

The figure wiped his eyes cautiously, a familiar hand brushing his hair out of his face. Her heart seemed to be stuck in her throat.

“Jamie…”

As any artist would know, they are nothing without a muse. If it doesn’t exist, or it is lost, the purpose of art is lost. Jamie had learned this the hard way, having met and lost his muse within the span of two weeks. His interest in people declined greatly with the absence of her, and eventually found no enjoyment in photographing people at all. Ultimately, he steered away from people altogether, capturing the natural beauty of cities and countrysides instead.

Despite his change in subject, his work was still occasionally featured in galleries and magazines; remnants of the person he once was. Eventually, he decided to leave Paris behind, unable to live in a place where her ghost constantly haunted him with the memories of their time together. The places they were together were the hardest, but in the end, it didn’t matter where he was: his mind would always find a way to work Claire into it, whether they had spent time together there or not.

After leaving Paris about a month after her, he decided to go back to his ancestral home in the Scottish countryside, to spend some time with his family and, ultimately, to heal. He carried his camera everywhere he went, capturing the lush green of the hills and moors of the Scottish summer.

He found it nearly impossible to stay in one place for too long, however, so he took to life on the road: travelling to different cities, countries, and continents. Still, he would avoid photographing the people, and instead focused on the architecture, the landscapes, the skylines. In the end, he realized he was doing it for Claire–rather, for himself to impose Claire into each rolling landscape. Each time he went to a new city, he couldn’t help but picture her there amongst the crowds of people. All around the world he’d traveled, from Morocco to Tokyo to Las Vegas–and everywhere he turned, he’d see her creep around a corner or wave down a taxi. She was always with him, haunting him, never allowing him to forget.

Eventually, he had finally made his way to Boston. Upon arriving, he realized she had said something in the past about the city being her home, but he hadn’t thought anything of it. Now that he was here, however, the presence of her was almost overwhelming. Everywhere he turned, he’d see her face amongst those of strangers: lost in the crowded streets. Throughout the duration of his stay, he spent each day roaming throughout the city, walking through all the neighborhoods that laid within. He visited every place he could think of, hoping that today would be the day–the day that his life would begin again; to reshape the shell of it into the life he truly wanted.

He’d spent his day today wandering around hospital wards, hoping for just the tiniest glimpse of her. Wandering the halls almost like a ghost, he would pace the hallways until someone would kick him out. After the fifth time, the only thing he needed was something that would allow him to forget, at least for a little while.

And walking into the bar, all hopes dashed, he saw her–sitting at the bar across the room, talking and laughing with another man. Seeing the wide smile on her face made his heart sink low in his chest. Had she found someone else?

His eyes were on her the entire night, falling in love with her all over again. The way she carried herself with more confidence than any woman he ever saw, how she threw the drink in a man’s face and still made it look beautiful. The carefree sound of her laugh, reverberating off the walls of the small bar. His stomach fluttered when he noticed her companion leave without her. She was finally alone.

When she left, he had begun to panic. He’d been so afraid that he had missed his chance, worrying about what to say to her instead of actually talking to her; that now, it was too late.

Go after her, the voice inside his head screamed. Go after her!

Instead of calling for her, however, he opted to just follow her down the street. Still unable to say a word, he trailed behind, chastising himself for each minute that passed. Feeling more like a stray dog than a long-lost lover, he followed her into the coffeeshop, finally mustering up the courage to say something.

He opened his mouth to speak when he was met with iced coffee being thrown in his face. It wasn’t what he had planned or expected, but it couldn’t have been more perfect.

He couldn’t help but laugh, the memory of their first meeting replaying in his mind (though, thankfully, this coffee didn’t burn. Suppose she’s learned her lesson). He could hardly believe any of it was happening at all, the pure ecstasy that shot through every cell and fiber of his entire being as he looked at her.

“Claire.”

She’d completely forgotten about the plastic cup she’d been holding that now laid at her feet, rolling side to side and tapping against her foot. All she could do was stare at his face, pinching herself to make sure he was really here.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here?” She breathed, still not fully convinced that this wasn’t just another dream.

Jamie looked down at his feet, feeling as though he were fourteen again, afraid to speak to the girl he had a crush on. “That’s uh… a rather long story.”

“I suppose you could start with why you were following me?”

His eyes were wide, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water as words failed him. She couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face, her heart beginning to feel whole again.

“I uh, I ken it wasna right and I beg yer pardon for it but I was just so–” He shook his head and braved a glance at her.

Her eyebrows rose expectantly. “So…?”

“Afraid. I wanted to go over to ye more than anything, but I was afraid ye’d found someone else and moved on I– Christ, just to see ye again! It was as if I stepped outside on a cloudy day, and suddenly the sun came out.” He was beaming ear to ear, his blue eyes crinkling with the joy of it.

Claire could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. It was hard for her to even imagine it: the man she had longed for throughout the duration of their separation, the one she thought about constantly and had tried to forget, was standing there, right in front of her. The fact that he was just as excited and frightened as she was calmed her racing heart.

“I wasn’t sure you’d remember me…” She said absentmindedly, taking a step towards him.

His teeth flashed white as he smiled before digging into his pocket and pulling out a small square of paper–a photo. He took a step forward as well, handing it to her. A laugh escaped his lips when her hand came up to her mouth in shock, the tears that she’d kept at bay streaming down her cheeks. Her own eyes peered up at her from behind the rim of a coffee cup, hair wild around her face. Their very first meeting, the photograph (and the coffee) that had started it all.

“How could I ever forget about you?” He whispered, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek and leaning in to kiss her.

Their first step towards a new life, together.  

END.

[jelloapocalypse]

To JelloApocalypse, I love your content and I appreciate all the love and effort you and your team put in each video and podcast. I have a simple question to ask. Do you recommend going to art school to improve one's artistic ability? If yes, why? If not, what do you recommend instead?

Thanks!

If you go to a school for art you will most certainly improve your skills, probably by a pretty wide margin. I was a significantly worse artist coming out of high school than I was coming out of college, especially in regards to layout work and professionalism since my major was in Graphic Design. As a client now with an eye for these things, I can say that I absolutely would not have hired myself at the level I was after high school for pretty much anything. And my high school had a good art program, which I know is not true at all for the majority of American schools.

That being said, I don’t think higher education is by any means necessary for something like art or musical training, but it does offer a disciplined curriculum with hard deadlines to get artists used to work in the real world. Personally I am a very disciplined person and am always working on something, but I know that’s not the case for everyone, so that can have a lot of value for artists who have a harder time consistently practicing or outputting work.

It also teaches you better fundamentals, better techniques, how to critique, and most importantly gives you classmates and teachers who can give you honest feedback in real time. That’s not something you can often get outside of a classroom since most people either don’t have an eye for these things, don’t want to hurt an artist’s feelings, and/or have some level of bias towards you as a person before even seeing the work. Getting honest critique and learning how to take feedback and improve from it is one of the most important things you can learn in a classroom environment.

In regards to going to an art school specifically? ...Eh.

I have some mixed opinions on that. I can’t say for sure since I went to a regular university and majored in the Fine and Applied Arts, but from what I’ve heard from friends and colleagues, going to an art school specifically isn’t always a good idea.

Personally I think general studies are really important to keep up so you don’t become an idiot. Regular universities also offer supplementary courses that can really improve your chances at succeeding in the job market. For instance I took a business course Senior year that I’m shocked wasn’t mandatory. It was boring as hell, but it was a great subject to learn about in regards to freelancing, being a small business, and managing your own finances. That’s something a lot of artists I know are absolutely horrible with.

In addition to that, taking a wide variety of classes (marketing, psychology, business, history, etc) expands your horizons and not only gives you more things to consider in your work as an artist, but also makes you a MUCH more varied human and a better asset to a company or client.

For instance, my Graphic Design program had a lot of wiggle room for most projects. Almost every student had something else they were interested in that they were able to incorporate into their work. For me that was illustration, but I also had other classmates who were interested in the fields of photography, marketing, game design, computer science, UIUX, and way more. Because the university offered classes in ALL of those subjects they were able to improve their specific field of interests in a way that would’ve been much harder outside a general university. From what I’ve heard, most of my graduating class has secured pretty kick-ass jobs doing exactly what they always talked about doing! Myself included.

The other thing to worry about with a school that specializes only in artistic fields is that it’s not uncommon for students to be halfway through their sophomore year and go “...Y’know what? This isn’t for me.” If you’re at a school based in one study and you find out that you didn’t like that field? You’re BONED. You’ll have to hop around for awhile looking for other schools that are willing to transfer in the credits you’ve completed. That wastes time (and if you’re American a LOT of money). If you’re at a general university and that happens, hey, at least your credits can transfer over and maybe with a crunch semester you won’t even have to take another year.

That being said, there ARE reasons to go to art schools specifically. If you’re REALLY confident in your skills and you want to go to a high-ranking school to get into a high spot in the industry right away? Hey, go for it. From what I’ve been told that’s next-to-required for the Film and Animation industry. See: every single cartoon showrunner from the past 15 years graduating from CalArts. That’s only if you’re 100% certain though.

I also believe you can succeed without going to college at all for art, but you have to be damned disciplined and work constantly improving your own skills with no teachers. It’s far from impossible, but most artists I know simply don’t have the knack for that kind of self-discipline. You also won’t have the benefit of any education on your resume, but if you really fuckin’ gun it and produce a lot of quality content a good portfolio can still net you jobs.

tl;dr:

Going to any kind of university with a good arts program should vastly improve your skills, though it’ll often be very expensive.

Generally I think regular universities with art programs are better than going to an Arts College. I wouldn’t recommend an Arts College unless:

You got a REALLY nice scholarship.

You are absolutely 100% fully certain this is the career path you want to take in life.

The school you’re applying to is well-known school that feeds into the industry in a significant way like CalArts or the Rhode Island School of Design.

You don’t NEED to go to college to get better, especially with all the free resources nowadays that exist online, but you will need a very strong sense of self-discipline and initiative to succeed this way and it probably helps to be an extravert so you’re better at putting yourself out there to clients and getting jobs without the springboard of a university.

I think the best safe route for the average artist is going to a solid University with a well-known arts program while also using your free time to do the shit you love, like making stupid YouTube videos, because you’re never gonna get better at your favorite stuff unless you keep doing it, higher education or not.

Hope that helps!

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 041220

12 April, 2020

Dear Dad--

Elaine is breaking the Three Commandments about marijuana edibles, which are:

1. If thou don’t feel anything yet, thou hast not waited long enough. Be thou patient.

2. No, eat thou NOT another day’s worth. Thou hast not waited long enough. Edibles take forever. Thou should really trust Me on this. 

3. Oh God, eat thou NOT a THIRD day’s dose. Art thou crazy? That will turn thee into a zombie.

This is why I prefer smoking the shit. If you eat it, you have to wait for the time it takes your body to digest it. Then it enters the bloodstream and can make it to the brain. If you smoke it, it just goes through the lungs into the bloodstream immediately. The trade-off is that smoking is bad for you, so some would rather eat the stuff. Those who do must be patient while it works. I am checking the internet to see how long it takes when you eat it, and the internet says: 30 to 60 minutes, but stuff that you don’t actually swallow (candy, lozenges, gum, lollipops) can work faster because it’s absorbed through the mucous membranes in the mouth. 

**Just saw your last email...jeez, if Elaine does more than 2-3 candies a day, everything over that is just going to waste, and may cause zombie-like side effects. I know this is contrary to the nature of a Weidmann, (even a Weidmann by marriage) but if she can just kinda slightly modify her intake downward, in a “lesser” kind of direction, it might be a bit more economically responsible. 

As for the container that you hid, and can no longer find, I’m not sure that counts as a blackout. I think it’s more accurate to call it a stupidout. Marijuana affects the memory! That doesn’t mean you’re going to smoke some, and immediately forget how to play the violin, but you may be more likely than usual to walk into a room and forget why you went there, e.g., or you might hide something somewhere and forget where you hid it. I can only think of two solutions if you lost something: first, concentrate and try to think where stoned, last-night Dad might have hidden something from Elaine, but not from non-stoned, current-day Dad. Second: whenever I hide something, I try to hide it in a place where I know it’ll eventually be discovered anyway, so it doesn’t stay hidden for very long. Yesterday’s pants is a popular place to find such things, or the fridge, or under a cushion with (presumably) all your guns!  :)

Hope your experiments with pot are producing more positive results! Zach and I have been smoking a variety called Afghani CNC. (The names are always silly.) And we know from experience that the letters always stand for something. Once we got some called ‘ECAD,’ which turned out to mean East Coast Awesome Dawg. (Did I mention that the names are always silly?) And I never found out what the ‘CNC’ stood for in Afghani CNC, so Zach and I have made up our own names. Zach calls it Afghani Chicken Not Chicken, and I call it Afghani CNC Music Factory (which was a music group, who did the song Gonna Make You Sweat, which is a song that you’ve heard, even if you don’t know you’ve heard it). When I went to Green Alien Cannabis in Bangor yesterday, I learned that it stands for Afghani Cookies ‘N’ Cream. (Of course it does.) The two kinds I got yesterday were Purple Punch and Gorilla Glue #4. 

We finally got the big snow we wanted! It still wasn’t that big. We got about a foot of snow over about 24 hours. We lost power four times, and the last time we lost power, it stayed off for six hours! Six hours is more than enough time for the temperature inside the house to drop below 50, which makes life boring. No TV, no cooking, no computers, no movies. All we have to entertain ourselves are our phones, a radio, our iPods, tons of crafting supplies, the cat, my nice camera, a couple hundred books...okay, actually we should have plenty to do during the times of no electricity. Mostly it sucks because it gets cold and the only answer to that is adding another layer of clothing, which is a solution that can only be implemented but a small number of times, before one becomes a giant puffy starfish that can’t walk or use its arms. Thankfully, the power came back by about noon. We had both begun to nap out of boredom, when I was awakened by the sound of the heater firing up. 

All the heavy, wet snow had brought down power lines everywhere. Also, during the night, a tall tree near our trailer fell over. Zach heard it at about 3:00 a.m., but didn’t recognize what the sound was, because he thought it was another enormous electrical POP, like the one that caused our two-day power outage last year. It wasn’t until morning that we looked outside and said, “Hey, look how much snow is on the trees! Look how low the limbs are hanging because of all the snow! Hey, look how much of that tree is on the ground! Hey, look, the whole tree is intact, plus its giant root ball, it’s just on its side because it fell over and tore itself out of the ground! Hey, another tree came down the same way just behind it! Hey, that could have hit Clint’s trailer!” Clint is our fascinating next-door neighbor. 

So we didn’t get hit by a snow-laden tree in the middle of the night, for which I am newly grateful. I texted Clint to let him know it was his lucky day, a tree quite close to his trailer had fallen completely to the ground, on top of a little boat in the neighbor’s yard, but seems to have gone out of its way to avoid Clint’s trailer. The power outage was so severe, we lost about half our radio stations for a day or so. The McDonald’s across from our trailer is still closed today, some two days later. People were lining up around the building and onto the street to get into Dunkin’ Donuts for some coffee when this happened on Friday morning. Dunkin’ didn’t have hot coffee when I went there, but they were still able to sell donuts. Now that the snow disaster is over and it’s had a couple of days to melt, we can get back to being hyper-vigilant about washing everything we own, everything we buy, and everything that gets delivered with Clorox wipes to avoid the plague. 

The coronavirus news is scary! I hope you’re doing all the stuff you’re supposed to do, like staying at home and avoiding gatherings and going out only to obtain needed things like groceries, medication, or ah, “medication.” 

I should also admit, to my eternal shame, that I’m growing fond of the musical Cats (2019). It is a bad movie. It’s a terrible, creepy, headache-inducing amalgam of computer generated imagery and bad directoral choices. But the music gets stuck in your head! So you play the movie again, and try not to look, and then you DO look, perhaps by accident, and there’s Dame Judi fuckin’ Dench (M in the newer James Bond movies!) in a cat suit, lifting her leg to appear cat-like and saucy. It’s just horrible, start to finish. One of the lyrics is, “Cats are not dogs.” Judi Dench sings this while staring straight into the camera. Critics who sat through early screenings of the film referred to themselves as, “survivors.” Of note: all the characters are a blend of actors in furry makeup, and CGI, like moving CGI cat ears and cat tails. It leaked online that someone had to go in after the movie was done and remove all the cat buttholes. This carried with it two glorious implications; one, that they spent the time and money to give the cat actors buttholes to begin with, and second, that somewhere out there, is a finished version of the movie with the buttholes still in. Some have already made it a godly quest to find this so-called Butthole Edition and share it with the world. 

So...stay safe, and I’ll have more movie/other news in a week. All my love to you both!

[intrepidolivia]

Alexandria Country Club pt 8

Pairing: NeganXOlivia (OC)

Warnings: cursing, discussion of violence, threats, mounting UST

Summary: AU! Negan and Adair get back to Liv. Negan contemplates violence. Sexual tension mounts. Adair has bad news.

A/N: Sorry this took a bit. I’m on vacation so may or may not get time to write more this week. This is a short chapter but sets up for later... hope you enjoy! If you want me to tag you, just let me know!

Negan drove as fast as he dared. Fortunately for Simon, his stop was quite literally on the way. Otherwise he’d have just had to suck it up and stayed along for the ride. As it was, it took considerable self control to actually pull to a stop to let him out, rather than just slowing down and telling him to jump.

“Shouldn’t the alarms or lights have fucking triggered?” he demanded of Adair.

“Yes!” The young man seemed every bit as upset as Negan. “And she left her car at her place. No one should have known she was at mine!”

“Any fucking idea who the fuck this is? Because it isn’t Chet.”

Adair shook his head. “No, I locked his phone, no way he got into it that fast.”

“And he’s stupid, but he’s not that fucking stupid,” Negan growled.

“I--” Adair cut off abruptly, frowning.

“What? You just thought of someone, didn’t you?” Negan glanced over at him.

Adair shook his head. “Yeah, but it’s impossible.”

“Come on, man. Give me something,” Negan growled. His tires squealed as he took a turn a bit too fast.

Adair glanced over at him. “It would be better if she told you about this…” He sighed, shoving a hand through his hair. “The last guy she dated. Almost a year ago. He was an asshole. He didn’t treat her very well. Got pretty creepy sometimes and…”

Negan’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “He hit her?”

“Once that I know of. I broke a wine bottle on his face. It was an awkward dinner.”

“So, why’s it impossible?”

“Last I heard he was locked up. When the police got him on hitting Liv, he also had heroin in his pocket.” Adair shook his head. “I swear, the more fine and upstanding some people are, the worse they are.” He glanced up at Negan. “That’s why I figured you might be okay.”

Negan arched an eyebrow at him. “Because I’m not fine and upstanding?”

Adair waved a hand. “You know what I mean.”

Despite himself, Negan grinned. “I’m just fucking with you. I get what you mean. I don’t put on a fucking show.”

Adair nodded. “Exactly.”

When they got to the house, the police were already there. Negan tried not to look as irritated as he felt when he recognized the detective from the other day. The man looked vaguely annoyed to be there, and still didn’t seem to be taking things very seriously.

Olivia was sitting at the table talking to a female officer. Negan bristled when he noticed the detective had her phone. He had the green leather case opened, and he seemed to be looking through her texts. Negan frowned at that. Chet wasn’t pressing charges, but some of the texts he’d sent Olivia… Well, there could be trouble if they were still in there.

Adair clearly hated all of the police milling around his house, and made no particular secret of the fact, glaring at everyone who shouldn’t be there.

The detective made his way over, giving Negan a smile that didn’t touch his eyes. “So, we meet again, Mr…?”

“Just Negan’s fine,” he replied. He gave the other man an affable smile. Neither of them were buying the friendly act from the other. He wasn’t sure what it was about the detective that set his teeth on edge, but he didn’t like him. “Detective…?”

“Oh, wouldn’t dream of using honorifics since we’re getting along so well. Please, call me David.” He paged through Liv’s phone. “Looks like you two have been chatty.”

Negan narrowed his eyes. “Generally I talk to women I’m dating.”

The detective chuckled. “Why?” Before Negan could respond, he continued. “So, text from a blocked number, threats… pretty creative ones…”

He turned the phone slightly, letting Negan see the screen. There was indeed a picture that seemed to have been taken through the living room window. Negan sat on the couch, Liv curled up with her head in his lap. The resolution was good, and the picture clear. Probably taken from nearby, then. He caught a glimpse of the text and it made his blood boil.

“...maybe in front of your new man there. So you can hear him beg me to cut your throat and…”

Detective David pulled the phone back before he could read the rest. “So, we still going with the Chet Applegate story?” he asked, looking amused. “Think he’s the one with the massive hate on for your girl?”

Negan fought the urge to punch him. He took a slow breath and tried to school his features into something neutral. “Apparently there’s the possibility an ex may be involved.”

The man nodded. “Yeah, I can believe it. That kind of venom usually comes from getting fucked over in love. I’ll get some details. Probably still just bullshit, though.” He shrugged. Clearly he was unconcerned, and almost seemed to be implying Olivia brought it on herself somehow.

Negan entertained a brief fantasy of putting a knife through the man's’ neck. Too many witnesses, but the thought made him feel a little better.

He hovered nearby as detective David spoke to Olivia. He could tell she didn’t like being asked about the ex. Her eyes darted to him, and to Adair. Negan gave them some room while he shared what he’d observed from her phone with the younger man. Annoyingly, the detective seemed like he was going to take it into evidence. They’d have to get her something to use in the meantime. He wasn’t about to leave her without a way to contact him if she needed to.

Whoever had taken the picture had been in the yard. Either that or they had some remarkable resolution on their camera to take a picture that clear from far away. A few policemen were in the backyard, wandering around looking at the ground and in flowerboxes. They didn’t seem to be finding much of interest.

Finally the police cleared out. One of the officers made some noise about doing frequent drive bys in the neighborhood. He wasn’t sure that would help very much if someone was capable of bypassing security measures already, but it was all they had.

Olivia looked very small and vulnerable. He knew she was a grown woman and capable of taking care of herself, but… Well, there was something about her that triggered quite a number of his baser instincts. Not the least of which was to mark his territory around her and fuck up anyone who tried to violate that.

Adair was occupied on the phone with his security company, apparently giving them hell. That left him alone with Olivia.

She came to him, burying her face in his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. Despite the situation, it sent a little thrum of pleasure through him.

“I’m sorry,” Olivia said softly. “I’m sorry you’ve gotten mixed up in all this bullshit.”

“It’s not your fault, doll. Shit happens.” He stroked her hair.

She looked up finally, resting her chin on his chest. “Adair told you about Brad.”

“That his name?” he asked. He was aware his voice had gone low and all too smooth. Negan was a man who could be loud in his anger. Expressive, with lots of movement and words. It was when he got quiet, though, that he was at his most dangerous. He was very quiet now.

She swallowed. “Yeah. Online dating. I was lonely and… going through a lot. I should have told him to go to hell earlier, but…”

Negan put a fingertip on her lips, stopping her. “We’ve talked about this, darlin’. Don’t apologize for shit that ain’t your fucking fault. Everybody gets played sometime or another.”

“I know,” she agreed. “Still sucks.”

“That it does.” He frowned slightly. “Do you think this could be him?”

“Last I heard he was still in on the heroin charges.”

“When’s the last time you heard?”

Olivia paused, thoughtful. “Maybe a month ago. I haven’t been keeping up with it really. Just when I think about it. That’s been less frequently lately.”

“Maybe we should check, just to make sure he’s not the fucker sending threats.” He let her go, but kept his hands on her shoulders.

She sighed. “They took my phone,” she complained. “I’ll have to borrow Adair’s or something.

“We can get you a temporary one tomorrow.”

She looked up at him a moment, with a little smile. “You know, you’re being a little too good to be real.”

Negan laughed at that, stepping closer. He tipped her chin up with one hand. “Oh, sweetheart, I am many things, but I don’t often get accused of being good.” He leaned down, his lips hovering a breath away from hers. “I’m usually considered a very dangerous man.”

“Good thing we’re on the same side, then,” she said and smiled.

“Yeah. And it’s bad for whoever’s stalking you. He best hope the fucking police catch him before I do,” he growled. He closed the distance between them and kissed her, hard and aggressively. He didn’t quite mean to let his anger seep into his touch. But the idea that someone out there was threatening her, was frightening her, was trying to hurt his girl… Well, it made him angry. And so his kiss was almost rough, claiming her lips with his own. Part of him wanted to lower his head and suck a purple bruise into her throat. To mark her as his own.

She gave a soft little gasp, and he realized his hands were digging into her hips tightly. He loosened his grip, pulling back a little. “Sorry about that, darlin’. Didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She gave him a crooked little smile. “Don’t be,” she said. Her voice was throaty and deep with lust. “I’ll let you know if you’re too rough. You’re not even halfway there yet, for the record.”

He sucked in a breath. It was like her voice and those hooded eyes had a direct line to his cock. He contemplated bending her right over the table then and there, but he figured Adair might object. Instead, he contented himself with tightening his grip again, pulling her roughly against him. “Didn’t I warn you about teasing, sweetheart? I’m starting to wonder if I need to fuckin’ do something so you’ll take me serously.”

Olivia’s eyes widened a little as she looked up at him. A little flicker of fear ran through her expression, chased by arousal. Oh, yes, he wasn’t going to be able to control himself very long with her. She slid her hands up his chest. “Like what?”

The direct challenge was almost too much to allow him to keep control. “You are really fuckin’ close to finding out.”

She was about to reply, and he knew from her expression it was going to be something that made him drag her upstairs by her hair, when Adair came in. Negan liked the kid, but right then he wanted to scream at him. Then, he saw the young man’s expression, and he shoved his distraction aside.

Olivia also focused on him, apparently quite aware something was wrong. “Adair? What is it?”

The young man was frowning, brow knit. “I checked on some things. Just because we were concerned and all. Brad was released on parole two weeks ago.”

@noodlecupcakes @genevievedarcygranger @glittered-unicorn-lava @feistybaby @adair-donovan

[tdrcycle09]

Main Challenge #7 - Snatch Game!

This week, our queens put their feet in someone else’s shoes, and played the Snatch Game! Let’s see how well they did!

Analyse Thropic | Trisha Paytas

I chose to do Trisha Paytas for my Snatch Game, because a) I thought she was already this over-the-top character that would be fun to portray and b) she’s in a weird sort of way someone to admire. Like, for as much of a constant mess as Trisha is, she takes it in stride and she always gets back up and gets to work. I think there’s a lesson in there somewhere. Anyways, for the look, I took a lot of inspiration from the music video for Thick. She has some cut off jorts and I.CON.IC. socks-over-heels in the video, and pink sweaters are a staple of her wardrobe. No Trisha look is complete with some cute nails and a pair of sunglasses. Another iconic part of Trisha’s fashion is her collection of chokers. I think this look is pretty minimalistic, but is definitely something you could catch Trisha wearing when she’s driving her pink G-Wagon to Wendy’s or just filming a short vlog sitting on her living room floor.

Lila: I hate you so much. I could’ve just put your video on in the background and done some sewing and you couldn’t have told me if it was Trisha Paytas or Ms. Analyse Thropic playing her ass. I literally HOLLERED when I saw your titties this week, it just seems like they’re a focal point every week and we just have to point them out. Your characterisation of her was spot on, I loved that you kept the outfit quite draggy and the socks on your heels are everything. One thing I would’ve worked on is that you could’ve had your questions pop up in some sort of subtitle box, and cut dramatically from one mood to the other rather than having a sort of continuous vlog-style loop. It kind of threw me off when you started crying randomly rather than sitting with a high angle shot of you in the kitchen or even if you were crying into a bag of potato chips, like it could’ve worked all the more while. Overall, this was great work, Analyse!

Gluttoni: Analyse! I love you per usual. What a great choice as far as personalities go to do Trisha. Who in my eyes is one of the greatest viral stars and musicians ever. “Thick” the single was iconic. I’ll start with the look which of course is a tricky subject this week because you're painting with someone else in mind. But gurlllll….why you look so dry henny? I was seeing the progress of more refined brows and fined tuned makeup in the past weeks soooo don’t backtrack. I do think you did a fairly good job of doing a light “real girl beat” but I was just expecting more because Trish is extra as fuck. I loved the outfit because it definitely reflected something trendy women of 2017 would wear. So the look was pretty A1. What would have put this submission over the edge for me would have been more youtube lingo type shit. Like the freeze frame video icons with dumb ass titles during your punch lines for dramatic effect or simply more fucking crying. Also where was the mukbang portion. I feel a little cheated out of the drama that is Trisha but that aside this was strong snatch. Tight too.

Letha:  Analyse, as always you had me HOLLERING with your video. It was hilarious, your characterizations of Trisha were spot on, and even the shaky, vlog style of filming made sense. You captured the airheadedness of your character while still making your responses clever and funny. The look is very Trisha (those fuckin sock shoes, I cannot with you), but watch the leg bands on your tights. They kind of throw off the look of the leg, so if you're gonna wear them make sure you have an opaque pair of tights without the bands on the outside layer to hide them better. The makeup is also pretty good, the colors of the lips/brows make sense and I line the smoky eye. I feel like you're a bit flour white towards the middle of the face, especially the nose, so I think you could have toned it down for this challenge, since Trisha is a bit more subtle. Lip shape is good as well! You had a bit of a setback with your phobia last week, but I'm pleased to say you've made a full recovery in my eyes, great job!

Toni: Honestly I am disappointed this week from you, there wasn’t enough boobs, mukbangs, and you didn’t out anyone as gay and didnt cry enough????? Like 01/10. But in all reality this is sooooooo fucking funny I was crying!!! I kinda love these huge tits on you i think if you amde them a couple cups smaller it would look good on you. I think you really captured her personality and how tacky she is. I would have loved to see the nose be a bit more pug like the way hers is and I would have loved that instead of it being the vlog style video if you set it up as a mukbang, but all around this was so fucking funny!!!

Avana Noir | Abby Wilde as Stacey Dillsen

HELLO judges! FOR SNATCH GAME I play Abby Wilde as her character STACEY DILLSEN from Zoey 101!. she is a quirky character for her love of cotton schwabs, sassafras tea and LOGAN REESE which i amped for snatch game! She is kind of crazier and quirkier and schwabier! For my look I kind of based it off her prom look for the show since stacy doesnt really have good fashion...thats one thing we have in common! haha. I hope you hoes enjoy my lewk and performance!

Lila: Avana, I’m starting to just lose hope so much. I think this week out of any other was the chance to really step up and knock Snatch Game out of the park, and your portrayal of this actress playing a character didn’t work out so well. I had to google your character to find out about them as well as their actress’ name as  well, and Stacey Dillsen is rather a relic of the past with a few small jokes. Zoey 101 wasn’t as funny for me as a child, the only funny thing was the paralyzing potato chips episode, and as you can see, I don’t recall the episode name or title. For me, the video was flat, and the fire you had Week 3 in the soap opera isn’t prominent here. I think now is the time to really worry, we’re down to the final 7 and it’s go time from here on out. Overall, you did alright this week.

Gluttoni: I was not expecting this, Avana! I know you had a plethora of choices to choose from for the Snatch Game and I literally avoided your personal chat just so can be surprised about your choice. ZOEY 101 was such an iconic show and literally your character brought so much nostalgia back for me. Because who does not relate to Stacy in some form or fashion. She’s kook, kind of spooky and honestly just plain ol’ weird. You kind of took it there but literally not all the way. If you’re going to go completely out of the box, take it all the way there girl. Because I was just missing some more the traits that made her lovably odd. The look is very eh and I think you could have found something to fit her a bit better but I understand the prom joke. This was very cute and I definitely got a few good chuckles out of this. Werk bitch because I know you have more to give.

Letha:  Avana, I must admit I'm not too thrilled with your choices this week. Stacey Dillsen is a mildly funny, if annoying character from Zoey 101, and not one I would call an icon. But even considering that, if the video had been funny the choice would have worked for me, but I just didn't laugh that much. I do remember laughing at the throw/fall though. The voice you had pretty much down, which was esssentially just the lisp, but I'm not buying the look. I feel like you could have been MUCH MORE Zoey 101 with the fashion, even if you were going to prom, and that wig could have been much more pig tails and berets and all that. The makeup I can see for the character, maybe a darker lip would have helped. The swabs are a nice prop, though. All in all, I wasn't too shook by the performance, it was just okay for me. 

Toni:  So you made a really bold move with your character and sadly it really didn’t end up to well. I think the makeup is really fitting for the character and I think the voice is right, but i do think the dress isn’t fitting, you could have worn a sweater and jeans and your hair in pig tails and it would have been better. Content wise it was kinda flat, you only had 3 jokes that you kept going back to. I think this is because on the show shes a very one dimensional character and that was hard to make a into a fully realized impersonation. I think next time your best bet would be picking a stronger character.

Lexi Lamour | Tomi Lahren

Hi, Judges! Who did you vote for in this election? Because my special celebrity guest may have a few words for you depending on your choice! I chose to do Tomi Lahren because she's enough of a character that I could build on her personality. I was going for offensive, yet funny....circa Manila Luzon in RPDR S3 in the interview challenge. I was able to pull some things she's actually said, but also come up with things that I could see her saying. I didn't just want to quote directly everything she's said as I know that's been a problem during this challenge in the past. I feel like i got her movements, mannerisms, and just behavior in general down. I know the voice isn't totally there and I really did try, but this damn accent is as deep as I allow men to......well nevermind! As for the look I picked her classic silhouette. There are so many pictures online where she is wearing almost the exact same thing. She almost always wears a nude heel, so I paid attention to that detail. She's very minimal with the jewelry. Just a ring and a bracelet or 2. Overall I think I really did a good job with embodying her as well as taking her to an extra level.

Lila:  Ugh, those damn liberals and their Snotch Game. Hey Lexi! First off, the transformation into liberal slayer Tammy Lacoste is so accurate, I love it. From the skirt up, it’s really great. Nitpicking, be careful with you tights - flash photography always makes nylon fabric come up with this weird kind of texture and just a small lighting fix’ll help that! You got Toyota’s mannerisms and poses down to a T - however, after the third answer, I wasn’t really entertained. Like, I think I remember Tabitha being a liberal before that, and you could’ve broke up half the alt-right rants up with things contradicting herself, which would’ve made it a lot more satirical and less “okay, she said Trump again,” or “Oh, another liberal jab” I think I’m like banging down on you a little, just because you played her character really well, like I was like “ugh this girl needs to stop talking!” and that’s how most of us feel when we see Tombola Loreal on Facebook and Twitter. Overall, great work this week!

Gluttoni: LEXI! I was fucking gagged! Now I can’t stand Tonsillitis Litter but your impersonation of her was so spot on that I had to laugh. I’m glad you added the little disclaimer at the end bitch because for minute it got too real with your accent (that worked so well for this) that I thought you going back on the evolution chain and Animorphing into her. I don’t have any favorite parts about Tahiti Lasso but I love how you got the name calling down. It was so spot on but I wish you would have gotten more creative with them and made some crazy ass combinations of words that literally made no sense but overall you definitely got the vibes of her demonic self right. You looked so much like her and you definitely got her finger pointing, yelling demeanor down! I do think sometimes you could have pulled back just a tad and added something more dynamic to the character but you were doing someone with only a few brain cells .This was such intelligent choice for you and you honestly came to fight for another win with this funny interpretation of  this woman.

Letha:  Lexi, your impersonation was great this week. The look is totally on point and the only thing I would have changed would be to add a bit of highlight or gloss on to the center of the lip, as Tomi is very much a gloss girl. The set is a great touch as well. I'm not feeling the voice/mannerisms as much, as you kind of started to yell and I felt a bit more 'you' coming through. Tomi is very much controlled, almost monotone crazy, which I did get a bit of in your video, but wasn't too consistent. I had some laughs throughout the video and it was well put together, your editing is getting better for sure. Good job this week!

Toni: Tomato lavato my god. I think the look is literally a carbon copy, except for the lips could have a nice gloss on them and be shaped a bit cleaner. I was screaming during the video because bitch you were just saying shit she could say. I do enjoy that you went off a few times because that was funny.I do think your voice was 100% you which broke the fantasy a bit.  I think if you had done a joke or two like “trump would never EVER totally try to strip the gays of their rights” where its super tounge in cheek would have been so funny. Over all good work this week!

Marcella Fox | Victoria Beckham

Marcella Fox, who do you think you are? Some kind of superstar? Why yes, actually! So this week I’m everyone’s favourite 90’s rich bitch, Victoria Beckham! I chose her because I knew I could look like her, I knew I could sound like her, and I knew I could stretch her signature personality and dry sense of humour to make her funny enough for the snatch game! My version of her is very snobbish and bitter about her former bandmates, and clearly has her head in the clouds. Look-wise, I went full-on 90’s Spice Girl Posh - complete with little black dress, poker-straight bob and streaky fake tan! Instantly recognisable and truly iconic. It’s quite a simple look, no jewellery whatsoever, but that’s how she did things back then! And of course a pair of huge sunglasses to shield her eyes from the paparazzi. I copied her make-up almost exactly, and contoured my nose to look like her old one. You can call me a Wannabe, and say it’s Too Much, but I’ll just tell you to Stop!

Lila: I am gonna be honest, I opened your submission and I literally thought you kidnapped Posh Spice from the 90s and told her to pose for the camera. You look so DIFFERENT - I LOVE IT. Like, I don’t know who this is. This isn’t Marcella Fox -- until you opened your mouth. Almost immediately when you did your Snatch Game, the illusion dithered for me. I got elements of Victoria in there, but I wasn’t gut busting with laughter like I was for your informercial or soap opera challenge. I had a little chuckle at some elements that seemed totally commited, and some were quite slow and turned down a lot. There was a lot of commitment to the look, and some commitment to the performance, which had you had more of that stone cold physicality Victoria has, you could’ve amped your performance up to the Nth degree. However, you still Spiced Up our Lives. Great work!

Gluttoni: This was spot fucking on Marcie! Posh Spice is the Spice Girl everyone wants to be but not everyone can hone in on the diva essence that she has. You totally did that and it was outstanding to watch because it felt like I was watching a rare interview with her. THE LOOK WAS SO RIGHT. You looked so much like her I was so shook. I’d look like a junior high football player if I wore a tube dress and you looked so good so kudos to that. The mannerisms were there and the answers were thought out/funny. The fucking candy bar had me on the floor crying. My only critique I can give is that the characters you do tend to come off a tad similar so be wary of that. Overall phenomenal job gurl!

Letha: Marcella, let me start by saying that your look is on POINT this week. The makeup, the outfit, the hair, it's all Posh to a T and I live for it. That being said, I would say your video was pretty good, but not my favorite. I had a few laughs, but when picking someone like Vicky who doesn't have a huge personality, you had to really sell the cleverness, which I didn't get as much. I get that Victoria is a 'bitch', but it was pretty much just the one note throughout. The voice was not there at all for me, it was straight up Marcie, which isn't a huge point of contention, but it would have sold it more for me. Editing was good and snappy as always. All in all, good job!

Toni: Marcie im sorry but its actually against the rules to have Victoria stand for you. But in all seriousness the look is 100% on point and I really enjoyed how well you looked like her. The voice was very you and not Posh which broke the fantasy a bit. You did have so many good moments and I think the best one was the kitkat bit where shes sneaking bites, and I think if you had taken it a step further and gotten caught and spit it up, that would have been a riot. I think you were at the edge of the jokes going from funny to hysterical for most of the jokes and I wish you had pushed it over the edge. Over all good job this week!

Phoebe St. Jefferson | Abby Lee Miller

Wow I Made it to snatch game. Give it up for the comedy queens who flop at every comedy challenge! -huge applause- HOPEFULLY this video isnt as cringe as the infomercial one. I think I did a pretty good job portraying one of the meanest ladies in reality TV.

I chose Abby Lee no for her looks, but for her attitude in life. She is everything I want to be when I grow up. Delusional, fat and serving 2 years in prison for fraud. My biggest challenge was making myself the same size as abby. The judges did say to pick someone you could physically resemble and clearly I can’t read. For the weight I tucked in blackets and socks under a shirt to make myself more lumpy. For the hair I used rolled up socks to make a big bump, and then made her iconic side swept bangs. I dressed in as much black as I could and as always for abby added a colorful scarf. For characterization, I tried to look as old and bitter as possible, and I always had at least 2 sour patch kids in my mouth. I hope you guys enjoy my new found mean streak.

Lila: It feels, to me, that there’s a lack of something here. I don’t know, it feels like you’ve had a bad week or something and your work shows it. You aren’t really connecting as Abby Lee Miller, but you have the look of her down, big baggy jumper, her nasolabial creases, the hair, ehhh, not so much, be careful on that part. It just came across as angry gym teacher mainly. You cracked several times, you stammered quite a bit through your snatch game, and there was a few elements that were good, like the beginning with the wall, I got that immediately, and that was kind of it. I get that, we’re one in the same; we can’t play a celebrity parody of a character, we’re more attuned to real life people because real life people have those quirks, whereas some celebrities don’t have that innate relatability. Anyways, it was an okay try this week, Phoebe.

Gluttoni: Phoebe, I thought this challenge could have been yours for the taking if I’m honest. Because I know you to be very humorous and bubbly but somehow I feel like your wit was just a bit lost in the sauce. Abby Lee for me is very rarely funny on TV because she’s more stern than she is comical and I don’t think she may have been the best choice of what you should have done. I loved the pyramid aspect but I thought she always starts from the bottom but that’s a minor detail. I thought that helped lighten up this video for me a bit. The body padding and inflections were very on point. I just thought this could have been pushed just a tad farther in order for it to really be a stand out amongst the pack. How’s your head? Because bitch it needs to be in the game.

Letha: Phoebe, when picking someone like Abby Lee Miller, I needed more personality. You had some sassy moments, but you cracked and lost the character and came across as just generally bitchy, which can get a bit boring. I feel like if you had had better editing, it could have helped you make things a bit snappier and more professional. The look is pretty much there, you could have done arguably less liner, but hey, it's drag. I feel like, and this is just my personal opinion, that you're very quirky, maybe a bit awkward, and are at your funniest when you are just being yourself. I think if you had maybe picked a celeb more along those lines, it might have worked better, as I feel you stretched yourself a little too far with this impersonation. All in all, it's just alright for me. 

Toni: SHE HAD A SOURPATCH KID IN EVERYQUESTION. So there were parts of this that were good and parts that were bad. The good is the look, looking at you I can instantly tell who you are there are just a few things i would fix, like lighter eyeliner and making sure you don’t get super muddy! On the content of your video I felt that it was lacking a lot, it started out good with the pyramid and kinda dwindled with you breaking character and making anne frank jokes???? I think if you had focused more on making it like you were training us (the viewers) it would have turned out a lot better!

Sugar Monroe |  Nikkie De Jager

Hiiiiieeeeee judges! This week for snatch game I decided to do NikkieTutorials because, when I started drag, she was my go to for makeup! So I decided to pay homage to her. From the smokey halo eye to the blinding highlight. She’s also known for wearing pajamas pants while filming so I did too. The cat ears are also her fave accessory. :3

Lila: Whatever Happened To Jeffree Star? Hi Sugar! I liked your Snatch Game, it was sub-par as far as the look and performance went. You had some solid moments parodying Nikkie and I loved your tongue and cheek attitude to her life and stuff, really cute look, obviously she’s only done two hyper-draggy looks so I mean, I expected this. Personally, I felt like I was watching a trailer when your snatch game was happening - nitpick, chill with the transitional shots! A quick jump cut to the question would’ve done better. It did get a little like Housewives-catchphrasey, how quick you answered some of your questions, if you structured it out to be a little bit more like funny funny funny, like your video was so short, you could’ve done like a mini Hits and Oh God No’s in the middle of it, like being like “on my Oh God No’s list, (a read of someone or something)” and like editing is such a key to make things funny too, stopping the music to make a joke land is a good key for editing. (P.S. - I think this highlighter technique looks amazing, practice on your actual mug a little too!) Overall, you did a good job this week!

Gluttoni: This was also another spot on intelligent choice to do Nikki, Sugar. I adore Nikki because she's honestly such a talent and a dork. While I can see where you were going, you just didn’t put in a lot of momentum that I needed for one of my personal favorite beauty gurus. You had the beauty influencer lingo down with the discount codes and stuff but your jokes were just a little one note and flat for me. Where is blending out your foundation with a bell pepper or boiled egg? Where are the links to your vlogs for you at a random beauty con? This just needed a little more quirkiness to take the likeness of Nikki up a bit because I was getting more Sugar than anything. The blonde wig, cat ears and pajama pants were very on brand for what you were trying to sell. Solid work this week but I know you got something bigger and better in store for us.Chat Conversation End

Letha: Sugar, this look is cute and I knew who you were doing right away. The fashion picks were a choice and your explanation makes sense (and honestly we all do the same when filming, let's be real). The makeup makes a lot of sense for Nikkie, and the overblown highlight is very her. As for the VIDEOOO, I felt it was quite short? I'm all for being brief but I feel like you could have let the jokes develop and breathe more, rather than just rushing on to the next one. I had a few chuckles throughout, and the whole thing was very tongue in cheek, which was good. I know we talked about the voice, and I wasn't too pleased that there wasn't much of a change to your normal voice. You're VERY Southern, and I just didn't get much Nikkie in that regard. The editing was okay, a bit abrupt at places, but the green screen work was a nice touch. All in all, there were some places for improvement, but not bad!

Toni: Lets start with the good I think the look was and you really got it!! My issue comes from the video or lack there of. The character just wasn’t there other than look, because it was just all sugar and It was so bland which was a dissapointment. I think if you had included some of her gasps and screaming from some of her challenge videos it would have been a lot better. The time also is a huge factor because there was maybe 45 seconds of you on the scene and didn’t give you much time to build the character.

[crystalsoul16]

Answer all the questions, mwahaha >u

Get to Know Me

Oh geez

okay, challenge accepted, let’s do this!!

I’m putting this under a cut for length tho lol

1. What is you middle name?My middle name is Ryan c:

2. How old are you?I am 24, but definitely don’t feel like I am >->

3. When is your birthday?July 11th! Best way to remember is that it’s also free slurpee day at 7-Eleven lol

4. What is your zodiac sign?Cancer

5. What is your favorite color?various shades of blues and greens. Hard to pick just one ^^;

6. What’s your lucky number?16~

7. Do you have any pets?I have three dogs (two beagles at my mom’s, one undetermined breed (assumed belgian malinois?) at my dad’s), and three birds

8. Where are you from?I live in the state of Virginia, USA

9. How tall are you?5′2″, making me the shortest person in my family T^T

10. What shoe size are you?Depends on the brand, since I have 6 ½ boots that fit just fine, but also have a pair that’s a size 9. So it’s kinda hard to say ^^;;;

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?I have 8 pairs of shoes, but really only wear one ^^; I got a new pair of shoes for Christmas that I want to use tho!

12. What was your last dream about?…..crap, I don’t remember

13. What talents do you have?I feel like my drawing skills are pretty good, and one of my instructors at school told me I’m good at video editing. I really wanna play with that skillset more and get back into making AMVs one day, and of course continue improving my art skills

14. Are you psychic in any way?If I am, I’m not aware -shrugs-

15. Favorite song?oh gosh, I have so many it’s hard to pick one… At this current moment in time though, the one that is standing out in my mind is Strike Back by BACK-ON, which is the 16th opening for Fairy Tail

16. Favorite movie?Again it’s hard to pick one, but Brother Bear is jumping at me, so I’ll go with that for now lol

17. Who would be your ideal partner?Okay, um… Well, they definitely need to like animals, cuz I do not trust people who don’t like or respect animals. They also need to like video games. Considering I spend a lot of my time playing them, and really hope to one day be involved in video game production and/or design, I feel like my partner should also have an appreciation for video games. Plus ideal casual date is cuddling on the couch and playing games together, so a shared love of gaming kinda feels like a must ^^; Plus with online games we can still hang out even if we’re not together so yeah. Video games. Also liking anime would be great, since I love watching anime and going to cons and cosplaying (oh shit couple cosplaying tho yes plz~!!) so sharing an interest there would be great! Plus then if we’re not in the mood to game, we can just cuddle and watch anime. Also having a genuine kind and caring soul is a must. Those are probably the most important points, but I guess it’d be nice if they’re also in touch with their youthful side. I can be a wee bit childish at times myself, so I just wanna make sure I ain’t gonna be judged if I decide I want to eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets or cuddle with a plushie lolol Also, not a requirement, but willing to do stuff in the kitchen together would be nice~ And not judging me for watching cooking competition shows every so often would also be nice >->

……..or honestly, just be Yoosung >->;;;;;;;;;;; cuz it’s honestly startling to me how fuckin’ close that guy is to an ideal for me. And by close, I mean he is -hides face in hands- but of course, he’s fictional. So once again, fictional characters setting the bar high… -facepalms and sighs heavily-

18. Do you want children?At this current point in time, no. I’m still too much of a child in my own eyes to consider being a parent to anything that isn’t covered in fur or feathers. Maybe someday in the future, I will. 

19. Do you want a church wedding?Not sure, honestly. It would also depend on what my partner wants. All I know is that a fantasy theme would be rad!!

20. Are you religious?Not entirely. I mean, I do believe that there is some sort of higher power, but I don’t really do much beyond that. I know there’s a term for it, but I can’t remember what it is right now

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Once, when I was little. I think I was five? I think I blacked out though so I don’t remember much about it. Otherwise, I’ve only been to visit someone or sit in the waiting room while waiting for someone who was admitted.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?Not yet, and I hope to keep it that way!!!

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?Do anime voice actors count? Cuz I’ve met a few at cons before, but I’m not sure if those count ^^;;;

24. Baths or showers?Personally I prefer showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?White

26. Have you ever been famous?Nope, and I’m totally fine with that. Too much attention makes me nervous lol

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?As said before, I’m good without that sort of attention.

28. What type of music do you like?I tend to listen to rock music a lot, but I’m open to listening a lot of stuff. Especially video game OSTs and Fantasy/Celtic stuff!

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?No I haven’t, and I think I’m too shy and don’t like my body enough to ever be comfy doing that ^^;;;;;;;

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?Three

31. What position do you usually sleep in?I’m usually on my side or stomach, and I’m pretty much always hugging a pillow or plushie when I fall asleep

32. How big is your house?Well, my mom’s house is bigger than my dad’s. That said, neither are very large really… My mom and I keep saying how we wish this house had more closet and storage space… And at my dad’s, my room isn’t even attached to the house lol. My brother took my old room, so I now have the small mini-house thing right next to the pool. It’s got a bathroom, a counter for a microwave by the door, and a small bedroom. I like the privacy it has though!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?Sadly, I often skip breakfast because I rarely wake up before noon lol. When I do have breakfast though, it’s either a bowl of cereal or a bagel with cream cheese

34. Have you ever fired a gun?No I have not

35. Have you ever tried archery?No, but I want to so baaaaaaaaaaaad~!!

36. Favorite clean word?solely because of my bro saying it in a ridiculous voice, biscuit

37. Favorite swear word?Fuck, because it’s the one I use the most lol

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?Over 48 hours. I had three final projects due, two of which I had to paint, so I stated up two days straight to finish them, and didn’t even fall asleep before going to school. That said, I don’t remember how late I stayed up including class, but due to class time, it was probably another five or seven hours… And it was misery. 0/10, would never recommend

39. Do you have any scars?I do have a small one next to my left eye from when I got bit by a dog when I was five, which was the cause of the hospital visit mentioned a while back

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?umm……not that I recall, no

41. Are you a good liar?It depends. Sometimes I can be, but sometimes it’s easy to catch me. That said, I don’t like doing it

42. Are you a good judge of character?Not sure, honestly -shrugs- I like to assume I am, tho

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?I can try, but they probably sound horrible XD

44. Do you have a strong accent?I was once told that I had a southern accent, but I’m not exactly sure. Sometimes I may slip into an exaggerated one, tho

45. What is your favorite accent?I’m a fan of a lot of accents, but I’ve always had a weakness for Australian! Probably because I grew up watching Steve Irwin all the time so I developed an early fondness for it lol

46. What is your personality type?INFP

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?I’m not sure, to be honest. I tend to be satisfied with “cheap” clothes, like at walmart or somethin’, so I’m not sure…. If I had to guess…it’s probably my Organization XIII coat

48. Can you curl your tongue?yurp

49. Are you an innie or an outie?Innie

50. Left or right handed?Rightie

51. Are you scared of spiders?Hell yes >~unless they’re spiders in pokemon, which always tend to be my favorite bug types for some reason lolol

52. Favorite food?shit, I dunno, I like a lot of foods….. I’ll just say pasta and be general about it lol

53. Favorite foreign food?dude I fuckin’ love me some mochi~

54. Are you a clean or messy person?Very clean when it comes to organizing files. Very messy otherwise

55. Most used phrased?Lately for some reason I’ve been saying “Oh dear” a lot and I have no idea why XD

56. Most used word?probably fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?On average, to get ready in the morning takes me about half an hour, and most of that time is spent waking up =_=

58. Do you have much of an ego?I have no ego whatsoever. I could honestly use more of one, even just a small one to give myself at least a little confidence lol

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?I try to just suck, but I tend to bite :/

60. Do you talk to yourself?always

61. Do you sing to yourself?sometimes, if no one is around to hear me >->

62. Are you a good singer?not at all lol

63. Biggest Fear?honestly, being disliked. I know I shouldn’t worry about what people think of me, but I do worry about people close to me finding me annoying or coming to dislike me for some reason.

64. Are you a gossip?nope

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?Either Gran Torino or Forrest Gump

66. Do you like long or short hair?On myself? I used to always keep my hair very long, and just recently decided to try shorter hair. And I actually really like it on myself! In general though, I’m good with anything~ You do you~

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?yup. I don’t feel like listing them all, if that’s what you’re asking, but I do know that one song that lists them in alphabetical order, so yup

68. Favorite school subject?hmmm…. In school, I tended to like math best, since I was pretty good at it

69. Extrovert or Introvert?I am without a doubt an Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?nope

71. What makes you nervous?everything. My anxiety has me in a nearly constant state of nervousness lol But especially being in social situations that involve talking to strangers!!

72. Are you scared of the dark?hmmm….. I mean, I can sleep in the dark if needed, but I prefer having some sort of background noise, usually a TV

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?Depends on the mistake. If it’s a typo, then no. If it’s a pokemon type advantage or something like that, hell yes.

74. Are you ticklish?uhhhh;;;;;;;; yeah, I am, but I highly recommend against it, cuz I have kicked people in response before out of reflex >-> that and I’d just rather not be tickled plz >->;;;;;;

75. Have you ever started a rumor?nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?no, and I don’t want to be! I’d rather be a follower than a leader!!

77. Have you ever drank underage?nuh-uh

78. Have you ever done drugs?no

79. Who was your first real crush?umm………I cannot remember, honestly…

80. How many piercings do you have?none

81. Can you roll your Rs?no, but I tried so hard to before… and my family rubbed it in that they could and I can’t so fuck :c

82. How fast can you type?I just took a quick test and averaged at about 40 WPM. Not sure how fast that is lol

83. How fast can you run?not very

84. What color is your hair?Naturally dark brown, but I like coloring the ends! So far I’ve done green and a sort of minty aqua, and I’m thinking of doing a light violet next, but I’m not sure yet

85. What color is your eyes?Hazel

86. What are you allergic to?nothing that I’m aware of

87. Do you keep a journal?nope

88. What do your parents do?My mom is a middle school teacher, and my dad does some sort of IT work

89. Do you like your age?well, I have no qualms with being 24. I just don’t feel like I am is all, lol

90. What makes you angry?Cruelty and unfairness

91. Do you like your own name?Yup~

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I did at one point, but I’ve forgotten them by now lol I’ll give it more serious thought if the time comes around

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?I honestly have no preference

94. What are you strengths?I tend to be open-minded and empathetic, so I can understand others pretty well

95. What are your weaknesses?My anxiety and low self-esteem are not helpful lol

96. How did you get your name?……I honestly don’t know. I think my parents just liked the name lol

97. Were your ancestors royalty?not that I’m aware of

98. Do you have any scars?wasn’t this asked before…? -scrolls up- ….yup, number 39. Oh well, I’ll copy and paste it~ I do have a small one next to my left eye from when I got bit by a dog when I was five, which was the cause of the hospital visit mentioned a while back

99. Color of your bedspread?My sheets have a black and white pattern on the front, and a solid light green on the other side. Same for the pillows. The other sheets are white with a grey pattern

100. Color of your room? My walls are a beige color, and I have a hardwood floor

[eggheadsguidetorunning]

The Journal

While I was purging my computer, I found these old documents that I had written in what feels like a lifetime ago. At first the discovery of the continued existence of these documents horrified me and I considered deleting them. After some consideration I decided to finally do what I had originally meant to do with them before I had decided to forget about them, putting them online for the public. Despite the danger this story could impose on others I considered that many who read this will think the story fabricated which should help alleviate some of the danger in reveling this information. More importantly though I convinced myself that is was better to present the danger posed in the unknow than to leave it shadowed in its own mystery. To those who read this whether you believe it to be fake or based in truth this should be taken as a chance to arm yourself against a great danger that approaches us all.

I like digging through the trash. Which isn’t to say I dig with my hands and fingers through the trash. I just kind of look and see if there is anything of interest in the trash and if I see something cool I grab it I don’t normally have to dig. Honestly, everyone should do it you would be amazed at all the cool shit to be found in the trash like the occasional book, some fresh batteries, at one point I even found a new figurine although I think that was in there by accident. Mainly though I find some pens, pencils or unused/slightly used journals that I can scrap for school supplies. I haven’t yet stooped to taking food from the garbage yet and I hope I won’t have too, but that is unrelated to what I need to tell you. You see one day I took a glance into a trash can on my way to class not expecting to find anything because nobody had passed by yet and the trash had just been taken out that morning. That’s why I was surprised when I found a strange yellow military grade weatherproof journal. I couldn’t believe someone just threw away a twenty-dollar journal (I looked up the estimated cost later) into the trash, so I took it and hurried off to class. When I got back to my dorm I was able to take a better look at the journal and to my dismay found it full of notes. I couldn’t use it for school, but I decided to read the notes just to put off studying a little longer and to wait for my show to buffer. I will continue to put some of the entries up here, so others can figure out what some of these entries mean for themselves, because frankly I can’t, and I don’t want to be bother with doing so I’m busy with other things.

Just skimming through the journal though made it seem kind of disturbing, like a mad man’s notebook, but upon reading it I think it is just some creative writing students attempt at a story. I say attempt because it seems to be paced poorly with long entries seeming to be about nothing at all. The weirdest parts are the images of a strange box poorly sketched through the book. The Sketch is hard to explain it looks like a kind of Cube or something except its all gray and some of the pieces are sticking out. I will start putting up some of the entries the first ones are boring, but I think the author was trying to build up the characters or something like that. I will occasionally add input on the story to help give some context, so I will keep the journal entries in italics to keep it separate from my entries.

Date 05/15/2013

They brought us into a living quarter with six rooms: four bedrooms, a kitchen, and a lounge. This is just supposed to be a time for us to meet up and get to know each other. They told us to get the guards to bring us anything if we need it like they were room service or some shit like that. I think they are trying to make it seem like we all don’t know their true purpose here.

They drove us out to this military base in the middle of nowhere with a location we are not allowed to know and say we were just recruited for our expertise, and its all okay because the guards will give you fuckin room service. Its just fucking typical of the fuckin system to notice my expertise when it is convenient for them but to not give me any recognition for it beforehand. I’M A GODDAM HERO YET THEY TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!!! But I muscle on anyway because I’m a hero and that’s what heroes do.

They brought me in due to my experiences in programing, and they were right to because I’m the best. They also have a geologist, Humbert, who is a fucking asshole. Just because he went to school he thinks he is so fuckin smart. Zed said that if we stuck a rock up his ass we would get a diamond in a month could be worth trying so that we might get some profit out of this endeavor. Zed is the architect they brought in he is probably as smart as Humbert but not a dick. Had a few beers with him in the lounge he is a fun guy. Then there is Burkeman, oh I’m sorry Dr. Burkeman, the psychologist, he is the one who gave us all the journals and told us to write in them. As the commanders said Burkeman is our life line he is going in there to help keep us alive. He seems alright, but he also has the authority to force us to let him read our journals, at least for the first week before the mission. He has this power for our own safety, but if he is reading the journals then why would I write anything bad about him or anything I didn’t want him to know. In honesty though I have always felt having journal to be useful with both my work and with keeping myself organized, so I will probably continue to use this anyway. Just thought you should know Dr. Burkeman, but I still dislike the idea of you reading it.

05/16/2019

I try to recall the gathering we had this evening it was a peaceful moment and might be the last we have.

I was sitting on the couch with Zed having a good talk with some beers and listening to a baseball game. Even though I never liked baseball the beer is good and I have learned to at least talk like I enjoy baseball. Humbert comes in and snorts at us like he is a fuckin pig, I would guess he is half.

“Shouldn’t you be prepping,” he says.

“Chill Humpy” Zed responds (Sorry that is a says in the Journal, but this guy uses that word for every single dialog and I’m sick of seeing that word so I’m changing it from here on. Also, there are countless spelling errors I’m just fixing because I can’t stand them.). “Besides..” Zed continues “we are prepping getting to know each other like we are a team. Bonding is an important part of the downtime ain’t that right Dr. Burkeman!”

Burkeman steps out of the kitchen and pops open the beer he grabbed as he goes to sit in the recliner to the right of the couch “That’s right Zed,” says Burkeman.

“Well then” Humbert says and goes into the kitchen to later come out holding a glass of wine, he continues to stand though “if we are doing team building then how about you tell us your name Zed, your actual name?”

“Zed is my actual name. It’s what I go by now anyway.”

“No parent names their child Zed.”

“What does it matter anyway. We are only teammates for this mission we will probably never see each other after this op, so who cares?”

“It’s a matter of trust you know my name, you know Henry’s name, and you know Burkeman’s name I would like to know yours,” whines Humpy.

“I only know your first name,” Zed counters “besides I’m not sure Burkeman is Burkeman’s first name.”

“Its my last name actually,” Dr. Burkeman responds then continues with a sigh “So when it comes to keeping score for names as it is we have Humbert’s first name, Henry’s first name, an alias for Zed, and my last name. So, if it is any comfort to you Humbert that just means you are one of the more trustful people here.”

“If it helps Humbert I wasn’t going to give my first name either,” I point out.

“Nobody was going to call you Sup3r_H, man” says Zed. Everybody laughed at that, I was glad to help bring some peace to the scenario although I’m not sure if Humbert was satisfied. We then continued to listen to the game while making stupid bets like what the next commercial was going to be advertising.

I liked this whole story for some reason I can’t quiet put my finger on why I liked this story enough to try to memorize it. Maybe I liked the back and forth we all had there or the conversation. It was peaceful in an odd sort of way like a calm before the storm. The field is always hectic, and it was nice to have some rest before then. I will kind of always picture the guys as they were in that exchange no matter what happens in the field. I think I will tell this story to my girl when I get back home too.

Okay I’m skipping the next few days since a lot of nothing happens the next two days and the entries are uninteresting. At one point, Thomas decides to write a whole entry on the quality of his shit, I think he was trying to mess with Dr. Burkeman though. So, like my friend Mikey always says “On with the show.”

05/18/2019

They herd us into the general debriefing room like cattle. In there they would give us all a general idea of what we were going doing for them. Then they would individually brief us on our own assignments and what was done before us by the previous teams.

We were the sixth team to be sent to discover the identity of an unknow object and as of today we were now part of Operation Gordian (Ha, did the author really think he could slip an Alexander reference through so easily!). As far as they would describe the object was cube like and appeared to expand upon the completion of a scenario of its choice being solved like a sick sort of puzzle box. At current point it was 5 meters tall and 4 meters wide and a length of 3 meters leading to a volume of 60 cubic meters, and they estimate it is still growing.

They told Humbert something about it being a regenerative mineral that they would only now be able to get him a sample to work with and the tools to get more if needed. They said that it was discovered that the mineral was perhaps an 8.5 on the talc scale but behaved like a 4.0 on the talc scale when removed from its host. They at first thought it was made of perhaps a metallic basalt but recently have come to think that it may made up of some sort weird combination metallics or metallic by-product. Some of the experts believed it to be containing lots of iron and nickel like substances.

Zed they wanted to find out what could be the inside design of the structure or how it could be made and what could make it open. They said they wished they could give him more information, but so far, he was only their second architect on the scene and the first one was only able to discover that while it appeared to the eye to be a perfect hexahedron its measurement betrayed it to truly be a prism. The object seems to have some weird optical illusion the measurements being just close enough to each other in length to give off such an illusion. However, the object was much smaller when this observation was made though and they are unsure if such an illusion still exists.

To me they said that they had been able to connect all sorts of wires and devices to the cube. They are unsure of how, but they have two theories. One being that the material seems to form an appropriate outlet for any type of device. The other theory is that the material simply absorbs the end of the wire. While they have been able to seemingly connect devices, they have yet to be able to get a charge from the object to power said devices, but it has yet to destroy any devices even with its apparent magnetism. More importantly they have found a signal within the object and what they would like me to do is try to get a response and communicate with it.

They had no instructions for Dr. Cord.

They would give us the rest of the day to prepare and tomorrow they would send us in for three weeks with three weeks’ worth of food and after which they would let us out. After that we would be free to choose to stay and study the device or simply be free to go.

Zed asked the first question and only question “How come you think all these things have you not observed the object yourself?”

Their answer was that only field experts recruited to study the object were allowed contact with it. Comforting.

[mysticmanyeo-blog]

1-81 han

“Greedy little spirit.”

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

“All of the above.”

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

“That’s none of your business… but it was amazing. They were very energetic.”

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

“Who thinks of this shit? I don’t know… maybe Poison Ivy?”

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

“Biting or being bitten.”

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

" Somewhere unhygienic. Like a subway.”

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when 

“Sex in general is pretty awkward… I don’t think I have anything particularly note worthy. Maybe roommates walking in, but that happens to everyone.”

______________

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

“Blood, I guess?”

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:

“ A spread bar on their ankles with their hands cuffed behind their back or to a headboard.”

9: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:

“Leather bracers. Some people can get out of cuffs.”

10: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

“We’re back to biting. Bite me hard enough to almost break skin.”

11: Top or bottom?

“Both. Both is good.”

12: We were about to ____________ but then ______________

“We were about to cum after edging for over an hour, but then my cat got a hair ball and the sounds she made kind of ruined the mood.

13: Would you ever take a sexual enhancement drug?

“I don’t need it. I promise.”

14: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary? 

“You either get multiple or none. Very rarely do I stop at one.”

15: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

“I mean… The butt plugs might be hard to explain. Or the Sybian…. or the swing.”

16: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

“I’m the one who gives all the nicknames. I mostly just get called Hannie or babe or something.”

17: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

“Two words: Oral. Fixation. I like all the things about oral sex.”

18: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

“Mmm… I was not having the stretching. Nuh uh. Gaping is not sexy.”

19: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

“I’ve tasted myself after someone else tasted me. In the moment it’s hot, but I’m sure normally it would be pretty gross.”

20: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

“I think it depends. Things like this should really be discussed between partners. If you’re just fuck buddies or not on any kind of birth control, you should probably use a condom.”

21: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

“My track coach in High School was gorgeous.”

22: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

“I’m not in to food play.”

23: How big is too big (peniswise):

“I think anything encroaching over seven inches is painful.”

24: One sexual thing you would never do:

“There are several things I wouldn’t do. Including bodily waste. Blood is as far as I’ll go.”

25: Biggest turn on:

“Intelligence. I LOVE a sexy brain.”

26: Three spots that drive you insane:

“Neck, hip bones, inner thighs. Pretty standard.”

27: Worst possible time to get horny:

“Any time you can’t get away to do something about it. Most of the time I can find a way. Obviously a funeral is a pretty bad time.”

28: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:

“God yes. Fuck.”

29: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

“ Anything over a foursome has never been a good idea for me. It was really unsatisfying.”

30: How much fapping is too much fapping: 

“No.”

31: Best sexual complement you ever got:

“Am I supposed to remember every one? I mean everyone likes to hear that they’re the best someone has ever had.”

32: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

“I don’t care, honestly.”

33: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

“If you’re in to denial, then yes.”

34: Fill in the blanks: “If they ____________, we are fuckin”

“If they are passionate about what they do, we are fuckin’.”

35: What your favorite part of your body:

“I like my eyes. They’re kind of cat like.”

36: Favorite foreplay activities:

“Edging, oral, hickeys, gentle teasing touches that are just shy of hard enough.”

37: Love (>,

“Love is greater than sex.”

38: What do you wear to bed?

“Nothing?”

39: When was the first time you masturbated:

“Maybe I was twelve? I don’t remember. That was many wanks ago.”

40: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

“Yes. No you can’t see them.”

41: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

“Uuuuuh… A couple of days ago? A witch must commune with nature, y’know?”

42: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

“Did I not just answer this?”

43: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

“I feel like I’ve answered this too…”

44: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

“I don’t know? My hand usually does the trick?”

45: Have/would you ever masturbate at work?

“NO. I work in a fucking temple!”

46: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

“Yes.”

47: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

“Either Bite or DKLA by Troye Sivan.”

48: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

“Okay but like…. when people mouth along with songs. Or when their lips move when they read.”

49: Most attractive celebrity?

“Min Yoongi.”

50: Do you watch straight porn? why/why not?

“Yes? I do actually like girls too… It surprises a lot of people.”

51: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now

“Like… an hour old.”

52: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

“I hope not? Only like, one person has pictures of me and I trust them with my life.”

53: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

““Drunk people. I can’t hook up with anyone when alchohol is involved. No drunken one night stands for me, thanks.”

54: Do you have stretch marks?

“I’m pretty small, so no… but I actually don’t mind them on other people.”

55: How do you feel about your stretch marks?

“Next.”

56: Has anyone ever had a problem with your stretch marks?

“No, nor have I had a problem with anyone else’s.”

57: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

“Hell yes,.When ever where ever.”

58: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

“I have tattoos, obviously I like them.”

59: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

“It can be a little awkward, honestly. I’ve only taken one person’s virginity and it took a couple tries to go all the way. They caught on really quickly, but I had to be gentle with them.”

60: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

“Sugar + vagina = infection.”

61: Is there anything you do on tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

Most of my Tumblr posts are about music, fashion or The Craft so… I mean Go ahead?”

62: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

“Yes. A lot. I don’t have a count on them.”

63: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

“Sure? If they want it?”

64: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

“Uh, YES? Fuck you.”

65: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

“Prostitue. Then I can at least say no.”

66: Do you watch porn?

“Yup.”

67: How small is too small?

“No such thing.”

68: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

“Yes. Apparently not everyone is okay with blood play.”

69: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

“My partner. Their kisses mean everything to me.”

70: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

“Yeah, I only call or text like, four people anyway.”

71: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

“Yup.”

72: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

“No? It’s not in my way.”

73: If you could give yourself head, would you?

“I mean… I do know exactly the way I like it…”

74: Booty or Boobs?

“Boobs are great, but I’m bisexual and everyone has a booty.”

75: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

“I do have a penis. His name is Mephistopheles.” 

76: Have you ever been on an official date?

“I go on dates all the time. I consider pizza and a movie at home to be a date.”

77: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

“No.”

78: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

“Babezlebub.”

79: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

“HELL NO. My parents live on the other side of the world anyway.”

80: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

“Ew. No. Next question.”

81: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

“Either way, I put it in my mouth.”