#i was only able to stop sleeping in class when i was started on stimulant meds for adhd so that’s just another layer of bullshit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

buckydeservesthebest · 3 months ago

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I want to start by apologizing for my previous post, it was terribly terse, and I didn't explain myself as I'd have liked, as I ignored many factors that must be taken into account. The truth is that I wrote it while I was in college online classes... it wasn't my best idea...

Back to the topic. You have interesting points. I think this is a much more complex topic than we initially thought... The mouse in my head didn't stop spinning until I came up with this two-cent theory:

I’d like to start with the point that it actually makes a lot of technical sense that Bucky under the Winter Soldier programming possesses the memories of what happened in his missions prior to the memory wipe. I mean, it doesn't mean at all that every instant the WS is activated he remembers everything, but that the memories are there and when his handlers order him to give information, he can, with some effort, access them.

Let me explain, the first decades after Bucky's capture, HYDRA tried in all its capabilities to eliminate all his memories and thus make his identity disappear, as they needed a… it hurts me to say it… blank canvas that offered no resistance to start with the conditioning and programming. But we know that all this presumed "wiped" memory was never truly gone, as Bucky finally regained his identity, so in reality what they did was not to erase but only to suppress all this data in a very recondite place in the subconscious of his brain so Bucky's consciousness could not manifest itself and interfere with the Winter Soldier's programming.

But according to Zola's notes (in The Wakanda Files book) even without an outside stimulus to help him remember his past life, as Steve was, Bucky was already beginning to manifest memory fragments and emotions on his own, which is why immediately after each mission they would place him in cryostasis and at the start of each new mission they would begin the process of memory erasure and the use of trigger words.

My point is, no matter how much damage HYDRA did to Bucky's brain over the decades, they could NEVER truly erase the memories of his past life, so that means the memories Bucky acquired as the Winter Soldier could not be erased either.

In reality, it would not be convenient for them to continue to cause such severe damage to Bucky's presumed “formatted” memory, because his brain must still be able to apprehend information. In fact, it is under the REM sleep state (the type of trance to which the Winter Soldier is subjected) that the brain is most receptive to information, there the brain regions used for learning are stimulated. That makes sense why HYDRA chose this type of trance, because it is the best way to make the human brain accept new information... basically, reprogramming it.

Trying to eliminate the memories the Winter Soldier acquired during his missions is directly proportional to the brain damage caused. And severe amnesia causes damage to semantic memory (general knowledge, facts and concepts), procedural memory (this is the memory of skills and procedures), short-term memory (the ability to retain new information) and anterograde memory (refers to the difficulty to form new memories after the onset of amnesia).

All of this would be counterproductive for HYDRA, as after every memory wipe before every mission, they would have to basically retrain the Winter Soldier in combat tactics, use of weaponry, tactics to leave the scene of the crime unseen and without leaving a trace, and a long etcetera... This is definitely a situation they don't want to deal with...

This must mean that the ECT to erase Bucky's memories must be located more specifically in the oldest memories, those of his past life that make him who he is. Long-term memory is mainly stored in the hippocampus, according to the studies I could read, and precisely in the Wakanda Files book, Shuri says that this is the area most widely affected.

But leaving aside the more technical aspect, and returning to what Marvel has let us see, it is worth noting that when Zemo asked Bucky for the specific place in Siberia where he was held captive was *after* having pronounced the trigger words and the Winter Soldier was activated, because Bucky would never have shared that information voluntarily.

Zemo: "Why don't we discuss your home? Not Romania. Certainly not Brooklyn, no. I mean, your real home" (this is the moment when Zemo shows Bucky the red book and starts to say the trigger words, with no other flashing scenes).

That means Bucky did remember what he talked to Zemo about while he was under the Winter Soldier trance, because well, that's the information he gave Steve and Sam.

Also, there's the fact that Bucky remembers information about the other WS, like they were HYDRA's most efficient assassins before receiving the serum, etc... (the following flashback about them seemed to be a flashback Bucky had, at least that's the impression I got). This is information he must have heard by the time his handlers had assigned him the task of physically training them. And this seems to be something Zemo asked him as well, as Bucky thought that was the reason he wanted to get to Siberia. And in any case if this was information that Zemo told Bucky in that moment, it'd still mean that he remembers what happened under the Winter Soldier state.

And Zemo's comment: “Did you really think I wanted more of you?” reinforces the idea that they talked about it. (By “you” Zemo must be referring to Bucky, as he replies, “what the hell?” in confusion.)

So why couldn't Bucky recognize Steve and Natasha? My theory is that the WS's level of conditioning and programming is such that he is literally incapable of performing an action that is not part of the order his handlers gave him. I mean, if they ask him for information about a much earlier event, as Zemo did, Bucky is forced to go out of his way to remember and access those memory files that do exist, even if they are very hidden, but if the action of remembering is not part of the order then he doesn't have to, or rather, is unable to remember.

Note: I think this shocking degree of conditioning could be seen in the training of the other WS. For the order given to Bucky was to train them, and one of them seemed to hold the upper hand in combat. But once the situation got out of control and Korpov ordered him to get him to safety, the order changed and he was able to defeat almost all of the WS single handedly. All this maintains the familiar stance that the Winter Soldier exists only to obey... i'm not okay... 😭

Also, when Bucky questioned Pierce about who Steve was, it was because when a tiny fraction of his memories came back, a tiny fraction of his personality surfaced, and this allowed him to ask a question. For the Winter Soldier never questions, because he doesn't have that capacity. So, I wouldn't say it was so much that “what Bucky’s handler said doesn't make sense for him, but he can't be sure” but rather that he was incapable of performing on his own the act of trying to recall and access those memories of the supposed mission Pierce was telling him about. (added to the fact that his short-term and long-term memory are in constant flux, something he cannot control... I'll explain it below)

Natasha's case is simpler because the assigned mission for the Winter Soldier was to neutralize or assassinate her, remembering her was not part of the order of course, also she doesn't represent anything important in Bucky's life to remember, unlike Steve.

But he couldn't remember Steve when they met again on the Helicarrier either, right? Well, Bucky also had no flashback manifestations when Steve called him “Buck”, unlike the first time. I think it was the fact that HYDRA subjected Bucky to another ETC within a short time of each other - which they hadn't had the need to do before - or perhaps that this ECT was more intense, which caused Bucky to take much longer for a fragment of his memories to manifest.

That's why it took longer for Steve to try to get him to remember, tell him that his name is James Buchanan Barnes, that they are friends and have known each other all their lives, and it was until the end with “I'm with you until the end of the line” that finally a glimpse of Bucky's memories came back. I mean, Steve had to try a lot harder this time to get the same effect that calling him “Bucky” had the first time.

Note: I feel like besides the new ETC, the reason it took Bucky a lot longer to remember was because that was the order Pierce gave him, like “if that guy in disguise wants to make you think you know him, don't listen to him, you don't know him, don't think and just take him out” or something like that... and hence the very aggressive reaction to try to combat the resurgence of memories…

I find it interesting that at the very end of CA: TWS, despite Bucky remembering a sliver of his life, which gave him back his autonomy, there was not a flashback of his life before being captured by HYDRA to follow, unlike the first time Steve called him by name. So, I think maybe this could mean that in this case, he didn't have a manifestation of episodic memory, i.e. a memory with images, voices, etc. But rather it was a manifestation of emotional or associative memory, i.e. feeling that he knew Steve and feeling that he was a very important person to him, feeling that he was his family...

Note: Associative memory is memory through associations, such as a smell or a song, in this case I'd say it was the phrase “I'm with you until the end of the line”...

Did in the following time, more memories and flashbacks manifested in Bucky's mind? Well, this is difficult to answer, because there is nothing to indicate that his rate of memory retrieval is linear or constant, I mean, it is not continuous or patterned.

In fact, in the book The Wakanda Files, Shuri says that repaired memory centers/retrieved memories are temporary! For Bucky's short- and long-term memory are in constant flux.

"it was as if Sergeant Barnes was in REM sleep while awake, in a dream-like state where he would comply with orders. And while in this induced state of mind, his short- and long-term memory were constantly in flux. However, the shared memories of Barnes with his best friend, Steve Rogers, *momentarily* fired memory centers, jogging bits and pieces of his past life while in the sleeplike trance." “It would seem that stimulus, especially emotionally resonant stimulus – the sight of a loved one, the mentioning of a familiar phrase, etc – has the ability to access a presumed “wiped” memory in those who have been brainwashed… *at least for a fleeting moment*.” – The Wakanda Files

So, this means that if Bucky retrieves a certain amount of memories at a certain instant, he may no longer have them a moment later. That explains why his backpack was just full of notebooks with notes everything he can remember, for fear of losing those memories, just like those with Alzheimer's, as Seb put it.

So, the idea that Bucky didn't quite recognize Steve at their meeting in Bucharest is not far-fetched, because it's possible that at that time he didn't quite have memories of him or their friendship but only what he read about him in the museum. So, his response “I read about you in the museum” would technically be true!

Then, the idea that Bucky had access to all the memories of his past life at the end of CA: TWS is actually not correct. In fact, it can be seen in CW, in the talk he had with Steve when they arrived in Siberia, that the memories of their childhood together were something he was remembering even at that point, as he didn't remember Dolores' name, for example. The point is, each and every one of Bucky's memories come and go (maybe only until before he got help from Wakanda), so they can be there one moment and for the other not, he can go a long time with no trouble remembering and a second later lose a bit of information.

Now, according to all this we can make a relationship between the percentage of memory obtained, the percentage of personality/identity manifested and the degree of influence of the Winter Soldier programming. We have that:

Percentage of memories gained is proportional to percentage of identity manifested.

% of acquired memories = % of manifested identity.

The percentage of manisfested identity is inversely proportional to the degree of influence of the Winter Soldier's programming.

In other words, the more memories Bucky recovers, the more of his personality comes to the surface and the less effect the WS trance state has on him.

This may explain the change in Bucky's personality at the beginning in Bucharest, for if by that time the amount of memories he possessed was small, i.e. his manifested personality was not complete (ergo: the Winter Soldier trance state was still influencing his behavior), then his continued nervousness and hyper-vigilance - yes, this in addition to the PTSD already present - was normal. And this would explain the slightly more aggressive behavior when fighting the SWAT team in the fight in his apartment. Also, did you notice how Bucky knocked Steve down immediately after he touched his shoulder? It was a self-defense reaction based on the tension induced by the trance-like state of the Winter Soldier.

Note: I believe Bucky was really really trying hard not to kill or hurt anyone, but the influence of the WS trance-type, which is mostly violence, was still having an effect on him (sorry if I have said it many times already, but I feel that if I don't, the sentence loses meaning), so he couldn't control the aggressiveness of his fighting form even when he tried. But our boy is so good that in the end he was able to control himself enough to actually not kill anyone... :')

Now, following this logic, this would also explain Bucky's more relaxed and cooperative behavior after passing out, as the severe head concussion would have brought back his memories/consciousness in a way analogous to how the emotional stimuli from the outside (the power of friendship) did the two times in CA: TWS. That being the case, Bucky immediately recognized his best friend and returned that affection and that gentle, soft manner with which he always treated him in the past.

Note: This means that the concussion to the head had a greater effect in giving Bucky back some of his memory, as opposed to the external emotional stimuli whose effect seems smaller (sorry Steve).

You can see in his body language how the memories started to flow in his mind… “Your mom's name was Sarah...You used to wear newspapers in your shoes.” He even laughed when he said this! That is a spontaneous reaction to a thought that is forming at that moment.

So, the sequence of events, where Bucky first asks “what did I do?” and then with effort remembers what he talked to Zemo after the Winter Soldier was activated, is not contradictory, because:

i) His short and long term memory is in constant flux.

ii) He had just woken up from a concussion fainting so it's natural that he was confused and that it took a while for his memories to start flowing.

Note: In this scene he appears to hit his head as he releases his arm from the chair, was this intentional? Was he trying to knock himself out before Zemo finished uttering the trigger words? Had he succeeded, he would have regained his memories upon awakening... 😭😭

Now, finally speaking of Tony, does it make sense that Bucky said he remembers all the victims he was forced to kill? The answer is yes, it can make sense, in the interpretation in which that information exists in Bucky's brain, those memories are stored there. And Bucky's ability to access those memories, while volatile, also exists. And by probability, the possibility that at some point in time all of those memories will suddenly appear in Bucky's mind, also exists.

Perhaps... perhaps and at that moment, in which Bucky said that to Tony, he had indeed remembered a large number of those victims, maybe not all of them because he could not be sure, but a considerable amount that in the metaphorical sense can be taken as “all”... that is possible...

Then there is the more symbolic perspective of the situation, where saying “I remember all of them” is a way of saying “all those deaths are something I'll carry forever, even if I don't remember literally all their faces... their deaths matter to me....” ... this is the interpretation I always had of the scene....

Note 1: But I also agree with the interpretation that by saying this, even when true, Bucky was giving Tony the excuse he was looking for to try to kill him... and if someone had to die there, Bucky wanted to make sure that was him... tell me our boy is one of the noblest characters of all without telling me! 😭 Note 2: I totally agree that, although Bucky remembers the people he was forced to kill, it would be in any case, a memory of only their faces and not their identities, because this cannot be deduced (unless HYDRA gave him the names, but I think this was never shown), as in the case of Tony's parents, certainly Bucky did not know their identity until the moment he saw the recording...

So, well, I feel all of this would disprove the idea that Bucky tends to lie or fudge the truth about his memories to put the situation in his favor (which, indeed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with), because Bucky is at the mercy of the volatility of the manifestation of his memories, and he can only rely on what he remembers at the time. Also, nothing that has been seen about Bucky indicates that he ever lied to turn things on his favor.

We can come to the conclusion that it is not a question of whether in the ABC situations he was Bucky or was not (not counting the time he was under the control of HYDRA, because here Bucky did not exist), but the percentage of Bucky's consciousness/personality that manifests. Nor about whether his memories are reliable or not, but about the volatile flow of memories that come and go and the ability to access this information that always exists.

*Again, I apologize for the wrong impression I gave in my first post, on the subject of emotional detachment to memories and whether Bucky's memories were reliable or not, i expressed myself terribly badly, so please feel free to ignore it.*

Now, talking about whether TFATWS confirmed the fact that Bucky remembers everyone. The short answer is yes. This was the premise of the series, and the book "The Falcon and The Winter Soldier: The Art of the Series", which we can consider canon because it was published by the entire production of the series, clarifies it:

In fact, Bucky's line in episode 6 also confirms it: “You think your cause justifies all this death, but in the end, the nightmares won’t go away. You’re gonna remember all the ones you killed. Trust me. Don’t do this. Don’t go down this path.” (no Bucky, HYDRA was never your cause, because your consciousness didn't even exist at that time!)

There is also Spellman's comment he gave in an interview: "So when Bucky enters the series, he's never ever shaken what he believes, which is, 'I remember everyone, murders, which means that part of me was there, which means a part of the Winter Soldier is me.' And if even a fraction of Winter Soldier is you, you are an awful person."

Talking about the idea that the show doesn't explicitly say that Bucky's nightmares are memories. Actually, the show did say that, again in a Bucky line:

Sam: “You still having those nightmares?”

Bucky: “All the time. It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier’s still in me."

Yeah, it’s clear that he seeks information about those victims in order to make amends, but those nightmares are still memories, because those events are information, and well, by definition a memory is the brain's ability to retain and retrieve information.

Nightmare = Memory = Information

Speaking about the amends, well, in fact, it was never explicitly said that the government imposed them on Bucky as a condition of his pardon. In reality, only mandatory therapy was discussed as the only condition. That's why in episode two, the cops arrested him for not attending the mandatory session.

In the conversation between Bucky and Dr. Raynor it is made clear that it is the government's intention to be sure that he is a “non-dangerous member for society” (the real dangerous people were the ones who at the time were the Winter Soldier's handlers, as by himself he didn't have the capacity to do anything!). And therefore, the necessity of mandatory therapy...

“You’re a civilian now. With your history, the government needs to know that you’re not gonna… It’s a condition of your pardon. So, tell me about your most recent nightmare.”

That's why the only issue she wants to talk about is whether he's still having nightmares, not whether he's made progress with the amendments: “So, Mr. Barnes, are you still having nightmares?” “So, tell me about your most recent nightmare.”

And later again: “So, you did it all right, but it didn’t help with the nightmares.”

It seems that for Dr. Raynor nightmares are considered as “a sign that something is not right" (no! they are a manifestation of PTSD caused by decades of torture and are treated with years of a real healthy therapy!), so it has to be worked on so that Bucky can reintegrate into society. And for that, it was concluded that Bucky “had to make amends to make him feel better" (that's not how this works, on the contrary, it's only harmful to him!).

It always seemed to me that amends are something that Bucky wanted to do. I mean, it's an idea that came from him. He let Dr. Raynor know about it at some point and she imposed those “three rules” on him...

And about the idea that Bucky didn't have nightmares in Louisiana because he wasn't thinking about the list. Actually, Bucky told Sam that he has nightmares all the time... this has nothing to do with thinking about that list or not...

Sam: “You still having those nightmares?”

Bucky: “All the time....”

Again, nightmares are one of the many ways in which PTSD manifests itself and depending on the severity (Bucky's case must be the most severe there has ever been) it requires years or decades of real healthy therapy to disappear, if it disappears at all. In addition, what Bucky suffers from is NOT only PTSD, but irreversible brain damage and many serious mental illnesses... and none of this is going to magically disappear because of "Sam's motivational speech and putting himself at the service of others" (which is nothing more than victim blaming and... ahhh.. but I won't talk about it right now)...

So, the possibility Bucky will always have nightmares is very high... 😢😭

Maybe this is part of the reason we find him in such a depressing state in Thunderbolts???? :'((((

“That line was an interesting moment. At the time, the choice I was making is that [Bucky] had realized there was no way he was getting out of there, and someone was gonna die, whether it was gonna be him, Steve or Tony. When he says that line, to me, it was a turning point — he was, like, ‘Okay, I know what you want me to say, and I’m just gonna say it.’ When someone comes at you over and over again, and they can’t hear you, they can’t see you’re pleading with them, you’re trying to figure out how to get through to them and they just won’t accept it, at some point you just give in, and you go, ‘that’s right, that’s what you want.’ Of course [Bucky] didn’t remember them all.” — Sebastian Stan

#looooong post #if you read all this you deserve an award!#i hope i explained myself well this time...#i feel like this crazy theory makes sense... at least to me...#the mouse in my head kept thinking that there could be an explanation that would bring all the points together #and I came to this...#but the idea Bucky is doomed to remember everything he was forced to do... forever... just... breaks my heart...#for god's sake someone give him real healing therapy!!!#i am sure that if others recognized him as an innocent victim and he allowed himself to recognize himself as such...#everything would change #it would be a real healing process for him...#but Marvel is never going to allow it because it makes the uncomfortable to recognize that a man can be a victim!#this will never not make my blood boil...#BUCKY IS A VICTIM!!!!#AND DESERVES TO BE RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #mcu bucky barnes #he deserves much better...#bucky analysis #bucky barnes meta

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interlunium-opus · 3 years ago

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No Place I’d Rather Be. [ Jay ]

[ Jay | fluff ]

Abstract: when you went to the library on the night when the Triennial Winter Ball was held, you expected to be all alone. But Jay, your best friend and the campus heartthrob is somehow already there waiting for you.

You stared out of the corridors of windows as you ascended up the staircase of the desolated library, your eyes fixated on the bustling crowd outside. It was the night the Triennial Winter Ball was held: basically the night everyone looked forward to the moment they started university. Unlike how dark, drab and quiet winter nights in campus usually are — tonight, the campus was alight with festive lights lining up the path leading up to the grand hall and students filtering in, decked in their “Sunday best”, filling the otherwise quiet night with cacophony of laughters, chatters, and whispers.

Standing in contrast with the crowd outside was you, all alone in the dimly-lit library, decked in monochrome with books in hand instead clinking glasses and waltzing with others in an elegant dress. You sighed as you thought to yourself, who am I kidding, my introverted soul wouldn’t last a minute in there.

“You’re late today.”

You jumped, startled, dropping some of the books you were carrying. Given the context of tonight, no one should have been in the library right now. Especially not the campus heartthrob and the social butterfly, Jay Park.

“Jay?” You called out, squinting your eyes to get a clearer view of the tall figure at the end of the aisle. The dim-lighting were of no help at all but the blonde locks and the deep voice were a massive giveaway, “wait..what are you doing here?!”

“You look petrified to see your own best friend, it’s almost heartbreaking,” Jay muttered sarcastically as he made his way towards you before reaching down to pick up the books you had dropped.

“Well, duh, no one should be here tonight especially not you,” you retorted as you walked towards your usual seat at the corner, the one with the large windows and dimmest lighting, “people are going to think that you got kidnapped or something and oh God, the amount of hearts you’re breaking tonight with your no-show.”

“Well, what’s your excuse?” Jay raised an eyebrow at you.

“Jay, we have been best friends for almost 2 years now, you know why I am not there — I would just combust,” you said as a matter-of-factly as you took a seat.

“But it’s our final year, you’ve got to make it count — socially I mean. And come on, it’s the Triennial Winter Ball not some frat party,” he grumbled as he sat on the armrest of the chair next to you with his body facing you and arms folded. Being a massive extrovert with a lifestyle that tends toward opulence — tonight’s extravagance was right up his alley and all month long he had been endlessly badgering you to attend it. Being the massive introvert you are though, the ball is basically the last thing you would want to attend.

That said, as incredulous as the friendship between the two of you are to many people, you two are polar opposites that complement one another in a way that two differently-shaped puzzle pieces can only fit one another. Being a social butterfly, your individualism, rationality and brilliant intellect really stood in stark contrast with the homogenous crowd and superficial conversations that he constantly surround himself with. With an equally subtle sarcastic dark humor to match, a tenacity like no others and a brilliant intellect that constantly challenge and stimulates his mind — you’re like an oasis in the desert.

Likewise, Jay, too, was like a breath of fresh air to you. You have had some initial reservations about him though. After all, he was more known for his lavish lifestyle and the parties he throw. But beyond those such fronts, Jay was highly knowledgable with strong passion for what he believes in — qualities of which really matched yours. Not to mention, being pragmatic and rational himself, he was one of the rare few people in your life that you don’t need to put up a social filter for as he is always able to objectively understand your views and opinions.

That is how you two end up going from being touted as the “cursed” pairing that was doomed to fail when you two were first paired for a project in “Modern Political Thought” module, to the Dream Team that ended up trouncing everyone else’s project, attaining the highest score out of everyone in class. In fact, you two just keep on surprising everyone by becoming almost inseparable even after the module ended.

“Who’s to say a couple of drinks isn’t going to turn a ball into a frat party?” You shot him an incredulous look before turning your attention to the books you were flipping, “… exam is around the corner anyway.”

“1.5 months away,” he emphasized as he lowered his head down to your level, peeking over your shoulders to take a closer look at your notes, “Seriously? you’re skipping tonight’s extravagance and festivities for Multivariate Functions and Lagrangian? I’d have let it slide if you were working on a prose instead.”

“Well what’s your excuse for being here then? I’m pretty sur-“ you stopped mid-sentence, caught off guard by how close his face actually was to yours when you looked up to face him. Jay’s face as usual was unperturbed, his blonde locks softly framed his chiseled face and his lips was pouty in concentration as his eyes travelled from one end of your notebook to the other before he turned his face slightly and met your gaze. You swore for a moment you felt your heart skip a beat but the moment one corner of his lips lifted into his signature lopsided grin, that thought immediately disappeared as you knew he was going to say something sarcastic or dramatic.

“How can I be so selfish and party away when my best friend is all sad and depressed alone in this library?”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, “Jay, as if-”

“Also,” he suddenly interjected, “the girl that I asked out for tonight rejected me so….”

“Wait, what?!” You gasped, “The Jay Park got rejected?”

“I know right. She rejected an offer that millions would have killed for,” he shrugged as he straightened back up.

“Exactly! who in their right mind would- anyway, at the risk of sounding insensitive, couldn’t you have substituted her with other girls? Like you said, millions would have killed to be your date — you can just pick and choose.”

“Wow, ____, you really have ice in your veins don’t you?” he smirked.

“Whatever, just being rational.”

“I know. I definitely could. I mean the head cheerleader asked me out too so I could have just accepted it,” he murmured, “but...” he paused, “as cringeworthy as this sounds, 80% of the reason why I really looked forward to the ball was because I was looking forward to spending it with the girl who rejected me. So without her in the picture, the whole vision just suddenly lost its spark. Like… I’d rather just spend time with her then whether it is at a ball or library or wherever.”

“Oh…” you managed, unsure how to react, “that’s kind of… deep I guess. Well yeah, I mean if you still don’t feel bitter over her rejecting you then sure, you do you, go after her. Unless of course she’s at the ball with someone else then maybe not…”

Instead of responding promptly as he usually does, Jay just heaved a huge sigh as if he was disappointed or something. His eyes glued onto yours as if trying to pry some information out of your mind, “You know you’re awfully dense. Have you ever thought that maybe you’re too studious that it’s beginning to cost you your social skills or something?”

Jay has always been blunt but tonight, it was just on a different level. It was almost like he was here to intentionally grate you as if someone was actually keeping score. You retorted, “Excuse me. Did you just come all the way here to push my buttons? Because yo-“

You stopped mid-sentence again when he suddenly leaned closer towards you, his hands on either side of you, one on the edge of your table and the other, gripping your headrest, “I am already with her right now.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, your mind working on overdrive.

“Fine,” he uttered, ”let me spell it out for you — you’re the girl. You’re the one who rejected me. Twice.”

You opened your mouth to tell him to stop joking but his unperturbed facial expressions told you otherwise. Still in disbelief, you stammered, “No way — Me? When?! I mean we talked about the ball a couple of times but you’ve never… unless - wait… you were serious?”

You remembered it was a Saturday night, about 2 weeks ago at almost 4 AM when you and Jay was at the library burning the midnight oil. You were busy trying to finish up your Econometrics assignment while Jay, who had long given up with his Philosophy assignment, was engrossed in a movie marathon next to you.

“Ugh,” you groaned when your regression results turned ‘insignificant’. You turned your attention to the papers and books strewn across your desk, frantically flipping through the pages to see where the error could have been and how else can you rectify this.

“You need to sleep on it,” Jay murmured, casting worried glances at you, “You’ve been on it for hours.”

“I can’t,” you shook your head, your eyes scanning over your messy handwriting, “I’ll end up obsessing about it again at home so I definitely need to get to the bottom of this today, that’s the only way I can sleep.”

Jay sighed, pausing his movie and turning his attention fully towards you, “Fine. But you really need to reward yourself for working so hard this semester because otherwise, you’ll just burn out. Also, by reward, I did not mean hibernating.”

“Hmm,” you nodded absentmindedly when suddenly Jay snatched the pen you were using, “Hey ___ eyes on the person talking please. What did I just say?”

You rolled you eyes, relenting, “Something about rewarding myself and not hibernating — there, happy? Can I get my pen back?”

“Good,” Jay beamed, quickly pulling his hand away when you were about to snatch your pen back from his grasp, “The Triennial Winter Ball would be a good idea of a reward by the way.”

You scoffed, “Jay, that is probably your idea of a reward but it definitely won’t be mine. First, I’ve got to look all made up from top to bottom — that takes up too much resources for something an introvert like me possibly won’t even enjoy — that’s the equivalent of some floppy investment prospects right there.

“Secondly, I avoid crowds like the plague whenever I could help it and the ball has all the variables that could make me combust on spot: there are a lot people; a lot of emotions; a lot of expectations and — well, you get the picture.

“And finally, I would need to find someone to go with — again, too much trouble.“

“You have me, where’s the trouble in that?” he asserted, snatching your pencil case away this time when you were about to reach for it, “Just go with me then.”

“Yeah no that’s ridiculous,” you shook your head, stretching your hand out to him, beckoning him to give your stationaries back, “Stop playing, give me my stationaries back.”

Ignoring your demand, he pressed on, “Why is that so ridiculous?”

You sighed, “Because A) everyone wants a piece of you so B) I’d be burnt at stake if we do go together. And also C) You should spend that special night with a special someone, not your best friend — come on, Jay, you need to work on your prioritization skill.”

“Wait — that was meant to be it?” You shrieked as you recalled the memory, “I mean, it just rolls so casually in our conversation — I couldn’t have possibly picked it up as serious. Anyway, fine — when was the other time?”

“Just a few days ago when I was sending you home,” Jay replied as-a-matter-of-factly. Jay remembered skipping dance practice that night, earning an earful from the instructor the next day, just so that he can walk you home after your Students’ Union meeting with the president, Yang Jungwon.

“You’re really set on not going to the ball?” Jay asked for the umpteenth time and you nodded.

“What if I tell you that I know someone who is thinking of asking you out for the ball?” Jay prodded, stopping you in your tracks, “I’m serious.”

“Still no.”

“I have not even told you who he was,” Jay grumbled.

“Fine, entertain me,” you relented.

“Jungwon.”

“Jay stop messing around.”

“I told you I’m serious, geez,” Jay said exasperatedly.

“But why — what is that kid thinking…”

“I don’t know — maybe you should stop having some night meetings with him alone before it grows into a full-blown crush or something,” Jay shrugged before you smack him lightly on the arm. “Ouch!” he whined, “Anyway so? Will that be a yes or a no?”

“Of course no, Jungwon’s a definite no.”

“Well, I saved him from a heartbreak then,” Jay mumbled.

“Huh?” You stared at him.

“Nothing,” Jay quipped, smiling sheepishly. The truth was, one of the reason why he insisted to walk you home tonight was because he overheard Jungwon telling Heeseung this morning that he definitely would ask you out to the ball after the meeting, perhaps right after, perhaps while walking you home. Knowing that someone as upright as Jungwon was going to ask you out, Jay thought he should have been elated for this might mean that you will actually come to the ball. But somehow, like a broken record, the conversation kept on playing in his mind all day during his classes, accompanied with the 1001 likely scenarios of how you’d likely respond to him. By the time night has set in, all he knew was that he was dead set on not letting Jungwon ask you out to the ball, by hook or by crook. He did not fully comprehend why, perhaps he just did not like Jungwon, he thought. Or maybe, he didn’t like you with Jungwon together — or perhaps, he actually didn’t like you with any other guys. Fortunately by the time he had reached the Student Centre of the Campus, completely out of breath that is, he can see that you and Jungwon were still discussing the union project. Once the meeting ended, as indicated by Jungwon switching the projector off, Jay just barged in, announcing that he’ll take you home much to your suprise and to Jungwon’s dismay.

“Why not though?” Jay suddenly asked, “I mean accepting Jungwon? He’s like the textbook example of an ideal guy: cute, smart, upright, overachiever and whatnot”

“Well, my good friend has a crush on him for the longest time so that’s one big reason,” you explained, “also, we don’t even know each other that well on a personal level for me to say yes to.”

“Then would you go with me instead?” Jay suddenly grabbed onto your hand, stopping you in your tracks, “I mean, if you’re worried about having a good time, wouldn’t I be ideal then?”

For a moment, silence engulfed the two of you as you two stared into one another’s eyes. You opened your mouth to say something but immediately closed it, remembering how just this morning you overheard that the head cheerleader had asked Jay out, “Jay, just go with someone else more fitting okay? You don’t have to pity invite me or something, I’m fine. I heard the head cheerleader asked you out — isn’t that perfect? two campus heartthrobs together? You guys would be the talk of campus and the envy of many.”

Despite the praises, he could feel his heart sank. While it was not an explicit rejection, your nonchalance, for the second time, pricked him. Not one to be emotional, he plastered a smile as he slowly let your hand go, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh no, crap, I’m sorry Jay,” you sank in your seat as you stared at him in disbelief. No wonder, he looked so taken aback that night, you thought, and how cold he was the next day. “You know what, yeah I’m definitely dense — I think I traded my social skills for good grades. You can tease me with that all you want, I won’t even try to defend myself anymore.”

“Well, on the bright side, flirtations from others can’t get through to you — you’re like a fortress or something,” Jay chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry though really,” you bit your lip, apologetic, “What can I do to make it up to you? Oh you know what — that Michelin-starred restaurant that just opened up in the corner? How about I’ll treat you there for tomorrow? It’ll break my wallet but if it will unbreak what I’ve done to you -- I’d gladly commit to the splurge.”

“Oh come on, I’m not that materialistic,” Jay scoffed, “Do you mean it though, that you’ll do anything?”

“Absolutely,” you nodded, “Within moral and ethical bounds, that is.”

Suddenly Jay extended his hand towards you, beckoning you to take it.

“You’re not dragging me to the ball right now right?” you took his hand and he pulled you up to your feet, leading you towards a more spacious area, “We’re underdressed for it Jay. I mean look at me, I’m decked in monochrome -- I basically look like I’m mourning.”

He chuckled as he pulled out his AirPods case, taking out one and gently inserting it into your ear before inserting the other pair into his, “Don’t worry, there are no dress codes for our own private ball.”

Soft music started to play through the AirPods, it was “Best Part” by Daniel Caesar ft. H.E.R. “Just dance along with me alright? I don’t need to be splurged on,” Jay’s hand slowly snaked over your back, pulling you close to him as he carefully yet smoothly guide you to the melody of the music.

“Well, gotta warn you though,” you smiled sheepishly, “I’m bad at this so don’t sue me if I step on your Pradas.”

“Fine, exclusively for tonight, I’ll put my Pradas at risk,” he quipped, his eyes glued onto yours, “Say, if you had known that I was serious — would you have said ’yes’ to me?”

You looked up, meeting his warm gaze which somehow, perhaps due to the proximity, was making your heart skip a beat, “I think so? I mean, I hate crowds but you would usually make me forget that I was in one. Also, you’ve always said yes to all of my weird adventures so I always feel like I need to repay you back in-kind if the opportunity arises.”

Despite always trying to keep his composure in the face of any nerve-wrecking moment, Jay failed this time as he feel his smile widened while his heart raced uncontrollably. He couldn’t exactly pinpointed why: was it your sudden heart-fluttering words; was it the proximity; was it the the warmth that he could feel on both hands; was it the atmosphere; was it the fireworks that was starting to set off outside; or was it just you?

Suddenly, he thought in retrospect, he was glad that you had said “no” to him. He wouldn’t have traded the moment tonight, just you and him away from all the external noises, for a waltz in a crowded and noisy ballroom, even with all the glitz and glamour that it offers. In fact, tonight best represented what you meant to him, like that of an oasis in a desert, your presence alone is enough for him even if he has to search through the highs and lows for you -- it is just you who he’ll gravitate to eventually.

_______

Author’s note: first imagine wheee! Hope you guys like this one :3

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen jay #enhypen scenarios #enhypen jay imagines #enhypen jongseong #enhypen fluff #kpop imagines #enhypen drabbles

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shockinglysubmissive · 4 years ago

Text

Corruption Collab

A/n I am so excited to be a part of @ultimate-astridwriting and @bummie Valentine’s collab! I haven’t done much writing in years and I was inspired by both of them.

Word Count: 2.5k

WARNINGS: *ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP* Edging, Overstimulation, Semi-public, slight degradation, master/pet play

You lay in bed, mind hazy and legs still shaking from the intense orgasms ripped from your body only a few minutes prior. Despite the dull ache in all your muscles, you can’t help but close your eyes in peace. You feel Tetsurou’s breathing slow as he drifts to sleep, and your mind begins to wander to how a new pair of panties led to the best Valentine’s day sex.

“Kitten… I don’t want to force you into this… I just thought… you know… it could be fun since you’ll be in class most of the day.” Your boyfriend hands you a small box. Taking it from him, you hesitate to open it. Tetsurou Kuroo is many things but being nervous around you is not one of them.

“Valentine’s Day isn’t until tomorrow master.” Your head cocks to the side as you untie the ribbon holding the box closed. Inside is a pair of black lace panties. At first glance, they seem to be a simple pair like you already owned. It wasn’t until you lifted them up that you heard the soft thud. A bullet vibrator falls into the box and suddenly it clicks. On his phone is an app that connects to the bullet, so he can not only turn it on or off, also but control the intensity and rhythm of it.

Being a scheming tease, this should not have come as a shock to you. You already knew your boyfriend loved to tease you to the point of tears, and you loved the power he held over you. You’re not even aware that you are smiling until you hear a low chuckle. “I take that adorable face you are making as a yes.”

Waking up to the sudden blasting of your alarm is not the ideal way to start your day, but the small note sitting on top of the panties brought a smile to your face. ‘I’ll be trusting you my kitten, don’t get caught, and more importantly, no cumming without permission. I can’t wait to see you. I love you.’

After getting dressed, a new sensation washes over you. The total uncertainty and suspense caused by never knowing if or when the small toy will kick on. The first class you attend you feel like you may explode from waiting. You feel it putting slight pressure on your already budding clit and a blush creeps over your face when you feel how wet you are without any stimulation. Focusing on your class is out of the question. Your mind is only thinking about your cunny and staying quiet if it were to turn on.

As if on cue, as you stand to walk to your second class an eruption of vibrations shoots through your whole body. The sudden feeling causes you to drop your books, and you have to bend over. The toy pushes further against your clit as a breathy moan escapes your lips. Gathering your books quickly from the floor, you hurry out of the room in case one of the few people left overheard you.

The walk to your next class only makes it worse as the intensity surges to extreme levels and getting you to the brink of orgasm, before dropping off completely. You’re not sure if you are glad or devastated when it shuts off completely. You squirm in your seat, fully aware that your poor cunny is dripping and leaving a wet spot on your chair.

The toy stays off for a bit and you are able to start focusing on the lecture, that is, until you are asked a question. Your usually wonderful boyfriend seems to know the worst times to kick it on because your mind goes blank when you feel a low but constant buzzing between your clenched thighs. You stammer out the best answer you can manage before grabbing your things and making up some lie about being sick.

The buzzing does not stop the whole walk home, and tears burn in your eyes as you hold back what you know could be such a nice orgasm. From the second the toy nuzzled itself against your clit, your whole body has been on edge with anticipation. Such a new and exciting feeling of being left in the dark and having to act as if your cunny isn’t dripping and aching for your master’s perfect dick.

“Home already my kitten? Did your slutty little cunt need daddy to take care of it?” He quips, seeing the way your legs shake at the strain to hold off from cumming. You nod and make your way over to him as he cuts off the vibrations. A small sob escapes your tightly pursed lips but is quickly muffled by his hand resting on your throat and his lips against yours. “I’ve never seen you this desperate that you’re crying already. Does my naughty kitten get off on the thought of someone finding out? Does she want others to see how much she loves her master?” He asks against your lips.

You nod, which makes his hand tighten just a touch. “Use your words kitten. The rule is all questions must be answered verbally. That way I know for sure.” He whispers against your lips.

“Yes master. I’m sorry for forgetting the rules… I just need you to fuck me.” You whine. He smirks a bit and takes a step back.

“So, all it takes to tame my bratty kitten is a little bit of discreet teasing? Or is it because it is Valentine’s day you want to try out being obedient?” His hands tug the bottom of your shirt slightly. “May I see my beautiful girl?” He asks.

You toss your shirt aside, growing frustrated as his large hands barely touch you as his hands trail from your collar bone to your hips. “A little bit of teasing? From the second I put those panties on it has been teasing me.” You whine, bottom lip sticking out slightly.

“That long? You must be soaked and sensitive. I’ll forgive that attitude then.” He laughs, smirking down at you. You swallow hard, knowing that look means you are about to be fucked in the most feral and passionate way imaginable.

You are unable to worry too much about his look since he quickly turns the bullet as high as possible and attaching his lips to your neck. Loud, unfiltered moans spill from your lips as you are backed against the wall and lifted off the ground. His teeth rake slightly against the sensitive skin while leaving deep marks. You feel yourself rapidly approaching your orgasm, hands tapping his shoulders as warning.

“Cum for me Kitten. I want these panties soaked before I even think about giving your desperate cunt my dick.” He growls against your neck, lowering his assault to your chest, unclasping your bra and letting his warm breath fan over your pert nipples.

Even if you wanted to, you would not be able to stop yourself. The panties target your overly sensitive clit, and his tongue swirls around one of your nipples. Your vision spots slightly as your cunny clenches around nothing. The sensation only intensifies when you feel him rutting against your clothed core. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were teased all day. You’ve soaked through the panties already.” He teases, guiding your hand to the wet patch that spread from your cunt to his pants.

Incoherent babbling is the closest thing to a response you can muster as the vibrations continue and force you through another powerful orgasm. Your hands claw desperately at your clothed cunt to try to move the bullet from your abused clit as the pleasure has your head spinning.

He grips your wrists in one of his much larger hands. “If you want something, you need to ask.” He says simply, his free hand reaching to unlock his phone.

“Fuck me. Please master. I need you to fill me up.” You beg, words breaking off as a third intense orgasm is ripped from your sopping cunt. “And turn it off! Please… it is too much… I can’t handle anymore.”

Taking pity on your trembling body, he shuts it off. But before you can relax, you are dropped on the ground, legs wobbling to support yourself. Tetsurou takes your hand and guides you gently to the bed, undressing you, leaving the just the panties before removing his shirt. Your eyes scan his slightly muscular build, smiling a bit seeing the half-faded love bites scattered along his skin.

“See something you like kitten?” He asks, pulling your gaze from his low hanging sweatpants up to his smirking face.

“I already told you, I want you to fuck me. Stop taking your time.” You whine, shivering at the feeling of the cold air on your exposed body. Your eyes go wide when you realize what you said, but it was too late.

In the blink of an eye, he is hovering over you, one hand around your throat and the other holding himself up. His lips lower until they are brushing yours. “I forgave you once for being a brat. And this is how you thank me? After all I have done. The new panties, allowing you to cum three times, and not punishing you when you broke the rules.” He lists, speaking softly against your mouth. His hand tightens briefly as he bites your bottom lip hard enough to draw a whimper from you. “You want me to fuck you? Beg for it, my pet.” He growls before letting go of your throat and pushing himself up to stand over the bed.

“Please. Master please. I’m sorry I broke the rules again. I’m just so desperate for your perfect dick. I need you to fuck me until I can’t walk.” You babble, sitting up and propping yourself up with your hands behind you. He crosses his arms and looks at you with an uninterested look.

“Is that all you got? Only begging to get that greedy pussy filled. Not a single care about my pleasure? I should have known that gifting you those panties would turn you into a selfish slut.” He says simply, his voice scarily calm despite the harsh words he spits at you.

Dropping onto your knees at his feet you look up at him. “Master… You’re right. I wasn’t thinking… Please use me however you want.” You set your hands on his thighs and gently trace your tongue over the tent in his sweatpants. To your delight, and smile spreads across his face and he grips your hair.

“There is my kitten. You just needed a reminder that this isn’t just about your greedy, naughty pussy. It is Valentine’s day for me as well.” He tugs your hair to guide you back to the bed. Once you are standing at the foot of the bed, he shoves your face into the plush blankets. His hand detangles itself from your hair as he moves away from you. You know better than to move from the position he put you in, only turning your head enough to breath. Your ears perk up as you hear a drawer close near the bed and slight crinkling as a condom is opened.

A low moan from the other side of the room nearly has you moving; however, you hold still, knowing your master would take good care of you for being patient. Sure enough, a few moments later your panties are moved aside, and with a quick snap of his hips he fills you all the way.

He laces his hand in your hair and gives you no time to adjust before setting a torturously slow but brutal pace. He pulls nearly all the way out before slamming back in, the tip hitting your cervix in a way that has you squirming beneath him. His pace quickens as you tighten around him.

Small whines slip from your lips as you tetter right on the edge of another orgasm, but the position youre in offers no stimulation to your clit.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? To be fucked. To be full.” He yanks you back against his chest and growls in your ear. He moves his hand to your throat, but he doesn’t even need to apply any pressure, as you are already gasping for air and babbling.

“C-can’t… I wanna… Please I need to cum.” You beg, hands struggling to rub your clit with the bullet still on top of it.

“Then cum. You have everything you were begging for. I won’t stop you from falling apart on your master dick.” He says simply, a harsh contrast in the way he is rearranging your insides. “You don’t need to touch your silly clit. You didn’t want that. In fact, you were begging for me to turn the toy off because it was too much.” You can feel his smirk against your neck as he alternates between gentle kisses and hard bites.

“I can’t cum without my clit! Just a little bit of contact. Anything. Please.” You beg, feeling his hips stutter as he nears his own release. You let out a small whine as you feel him cumming, leading to him to slow down and pull you away from the edge.

“You want your clit played with? Well, if you insist.” He says, reaching for the phone sitting on the bed.

You knew the mistake you made before he ever touched a button. The bullet shoots to life at its max setting. The most powerful orgasm you have ever experienced tears from your body. The edge of your vision goes fuzzy as you lose any control you had over your voice. Loud moans echo around the room of your apartment as every cell in your body feels like it was touched by heaven. You are barely aware of how tightly your pussy is clenching around him until you hear him groaning.

His hips rock against you as he cums again, feeling the vibrations traveling from your clit. Not wanting to hurt you, he turns it off and slowly pulls out. “Hot bath? Or just a warm rag and sleep?” He asks, kissing your temple in an attempt to gently bring you out of subspace.

“Sleep… please…” You say softly, trying to open your eyes to look at him after he lays you down against the pillows. Standing to get cleaned up, he places a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Can you stay awake for a few minutes? So I can get you clean and get you a cup of water?” He asks. A small pout forms on your lips but you nod, knowing he is right and you need water.

After a few long minutes, you are finally able to hold him close and reflect on the day.

#haikyuu smut #kuuro tetsuro #kuroo x reader #hq smut #haikyuu!!

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cakesexuality · 6 months ago

Note

I hope my reblog is welcome!!

I've has 2 full-on episodes of psychosis plus some psychotic symptoms here and there over the years

Anon is welcome in my ask box if they want to hear more

Putting it under a cut bc it's A Lot

My first big episode was in 2016 and 2017. I had previously been on Seroquel from 2014 to 2015 but stopped it without medical approval bc I didn't feel like the side effects were worth the benefits -- at that time, it was just dissociation and hallucinations and delusions that didn't happen all that often, so being twitchy and sleepy and hungry wasn't worth it at that point. It started with just elevated anxiety in March or so, I was missing a lot of class from this and failed all my courses the semester that episode started (my psych teacher told me to not even bother showing up for the exam). It slowly built up over the months. It was affecting my concentration, and I have ADHD, so I thought I was building a tolerance to Ritalin, but taking breaks from Ritalin didn't help. It made it harder to find pleasure in my interests and to take care of my apartment and I was frequently tired, so I also thought it was a depressive episode. My sleep was all off, and I was getting the normal ratio of sleep time to awake time, but I was staying awake for longer at once and sleeping for longer at once -- I've talked before on my blog about staying up all night playing Monster Rancher 2, and that would be an example of my sleep issues during 2016. I started noticing I was hallucinating and dissociating more. I was also having cognitive issues, where I couldn't find my words and wasn't always able to complete sentences or I would forget what I was saying in the middle of saying it. It got to the point where the only productive things I could do alone were showering and feeding my cat, so my mom had to come over to help with stuff like dishes or the garbage and I would sometimes shower multiple times in one day just to feel like I was getting something done. Eventually, I gave up my apartment and moved back in with my mom. During those last few months in my apartment, I was on academic probation (the student loan people wouldn't give me more money bc I failed my courses) but my counsellor at school still let me go to see her. I remember I once left her a voicemail at 8pm and her responding like "Nobody calls at that hour when they're doing well." She had drop-in hours that were supposed to be 15 minutes long per session, but she was patient with me and let me take 30 minutes or so to fumble around with my words and struggle to tell her what was happening. She had me start seeing her frequently so she knew I was getting out of my apartment and she pulled some strings to get me in with a doctor at the student wellness centre. I remember I had this sensation that pieces of my brain were missing -- not a belief/delusion, but I just had this weird feeling inside my body that things weren't where they should be, and maybe that was my nervous system trying to tell me that Something Is Wrong. Once I moved in with my mom in December 2016, I started back at school in January 2017 and, by some miracle, was able to do it. I had some leftover Seroquel that I took just to get some sleep in February, and that ended up helping a lot, so I kept taking it. I was eventually given a psychiatrist at the student health centre who knew I was looking to transfer schools, so she kept me at 75mg out of fear that 100mg would get me rejected from any psychosis program she would refer me to when finding me a new psychiatrist in my new city. I thought my episode was over, but when I moved, I had all this sudden stimulation of living in a city and having roommates and going to an unfamiliar school, which brought out symptoms like irritability and anxiety. I didn't have my new psychiatrist yet (I moved in September and got my first appointment with the new psych in October) so I started taking 100mg by myself and then went to the student health centre to get a prescription to reflect this new dose. And then things settled with my psychosis from there 🤷‍♀️ There was more (some disabling fatigue) that we thought was psychosis but turned out to be immune issues possibly related to what's either endometriosis, adenomyosis, or primary dysmenorrhea.

My second big episode was in 2022. I have a complicated relationship with my medications and get frustrated with them sometimes, so one night in April, I started crying at the idea of taking Seroquel, but I compromised with myself and decided to take 50mg instead of the 75mg I was prescribed at that time. I woke up feeling a lot better, I had more energy and was getting more done. I used that energy and drive to make a cake that said "ass" on it. But then I started noticing some other changes over the course of weeks. I was saying weird things or things I just generally shouldn't say -- I think the earliest example of it that's visible on my blog is when I asked whether andalites (the centaur-like aliens from Animorphs) can do backflips. (When I told my friends I was having an episode and I used that post as an example of why I knew I was actively psychotic, their response was along the lines of "Well? CAN andalites do backflips?" instead of expressing worry. Bless them. I think we decided it depends on their physique and yes if they are deer-like as in the graphic novels but no if they are horse-like as in the TV show.) I also noticed I was having more hallucinations, mostly olfactory but also visual and I think auditory. I was having rapid mood swings, which, in combination with my medical trauma that was still heavy at the time, caused some destructive behaviours that led to me visiting the ER (I got to leave the same day bc I was just getting an injury attended to and turned down an offer for a mental health assessment -- it was a very positive hospital experience and I can talk about it more if anyone wants). My brain felt in a way that I can only describe as "soupy" -- like pieces of thoughts are floating around in my head and are moving in and out of view, akin to pieces of vegetables in a broth being stirred by a spoon. I remember my brain was soupy when my friends and I went to see Priyanka perform, and we had to leave due to an emergency, but I really didn't care bc I don't know if I would've fully enjoyed it in my state and I was glad to get to be helpful during that emergency. I also remember meeting a queen from my local scene during this episode and neither of us being completely sure if we'd met before bc I was feeling soupy and she told me that her brain "is a ravioli." (My local kings and queens are so good about my mental health and they all handled my psychotic episode so well.) This episode went on until December or January, when it resolved itself and my brain switched gears to being in an anorexia relapse, so that means when my friend had top surgery in November and we were out of province, I was in mild psychosis. It all ended up going well, aside from struggling with words bc I had the double-whammy of cognitive issues plus being in QUÉBEC (which resulted in me walking into a Tim Horton's, realising I didn't even know how to start the conversation in French, sighing deeply, and simply asking "Parlez-vous anglais?" before ordering my tea in English bc it was the end of the day so my Seroquel was wearing off) and then I was having trouble paying attention to stuff (so I got so distracted by the prescence of a St. Hubert restaurant in the airport that I almost walked right into a person and my friend had to stop me) -- but he was more mobile than we expexted and he was really sleepy from pain meds so I fucked off to a nearby mall to let him nap and my job was really just to bring a frozen coffee for him to our hotel room and carry his luggage at the airports. I was also irritable af at times and got into a fight with a friend through Discord over something little. And like I said, it wore off on its own in December or January.

I also had some symptoms come back up in summer of 2023, but it was just more of what I had in 2022 to a lesser extent (irritability, rapid mood swings, hallucinations) bc we were trying to change me to Latuda and then successfully changed me to Abilify, so it happened bc I was cross-tapering antipsychotics

Edit to add: I don't exclusively experience psychotic symptoms during episodes and have hallucinated for as long as I can remember and have had my current main delusion since 2012. The reason I was on Seroquel before my big episode was a) to counterbalance an antidepressant I was on, b) I was having dissociation that was distressing and possibly putting me in danger, and c) my GP at the time was obsessed with medicating away my hallucinations.

can i ask what psychosis was like for you? i’m struggling to explain it to friends and family when they ask, i’ve also never met someone who has had psychosis

Sure thing, I actually have a pretty lengthy post detailing my first psychotic episode, if you’re interested in reading it.

I also have a more metaphorical post describing how I feel while in psychosis.

Now that i think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone in person who has psychosis either. (Unless you count some of the people I talked to at the mental hospital.) It can feel a little alienating, which is why I enjoy finding communities online for psychotic people.

#speaking of not well adjusted #convince yourself

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ericspinkhair · 4 years ago

Text

I can make you forget

pairing: soft dom!Jacob x reader

word count: 1.8k

synopsis: your life sucks and you find yourself seeking comfort in Jacob. he makes you forget everything by making you come twice

warnings: mentions of depression, abusive parents, nipple play, squirting

a/n: idk why I was like, yes, this needs some angst. maybe because Jacob seems like such a great comfort person so I needed to incorporate that into the story somehow

masterlist + requests

reminder: requests are open :)

The stress of graduating soon as well as having lost most of your friends was tearing at you.

There were very few people you could always depend on. You had become friends with Kevin first by having to work on a project together for biology class. You had gotten along so well that you became friends and he later introduced you to his other friend Jacob. Of course you got close to him, too. He was the most likeable person you knew. Both of them were absolutely hilarious and never failed to make the corners of your mouth go up.

However, life just felt so overwhelming at times and that would lead to you withdrawing from any social interactions. Jacob and Kevin seemed to be the only ones to understand that it didn't mean anything personal and that it was something you needed to do. And when you wanted to talk or hang out again they were always more than glad to do so.

Though you hated being in school, your home life was somehow even worse. Your parents were always fighting and yelling at each other and you often hid in your room trying to ignore them as tears were streaming down your face.

Those were the times when you seeked closeness to your friends. You never told them what about your struggles but your silence was enough to make them understand.

One night, your parents were fighting particularly hard.

'You never do anything around the house. How am I supposed to do everything around here?? You couldn't even do the laundry like I asked you to. Was that too much to ask?' your mom confronted your dad. Her eyes were glistening and you could see her body shaking. The wild look in your dad's eyes indicated that he was heavily intoxicated.

'You think I have it easy, huh?? I go to work all day, EVERYDAY, so that you can live. I don't know if you've ever noticed but kids are fucking expensive!' It felt like he was just challenging your mom to contradict him. His words made you flinch.

'She is your daughter. Of course we have to feed her. That is our job as parents.'

'I NEVER WANTED THAT JOB!' He slammed his fist on the table. Spit was coming out of his mouth. 'I told you to abort the child but you wanted to keep her. Look where we are now. You got yourself into this mess. Y/n should have never been born. Things would be a lot easier.'

You were struggling to breathe as you realized that you were the cause of your parents unhappiness. Everything felt like crashing down and you just felt the urgent need to get away.

You had been hiding on the stairs so you got up, ran down and dashed to the door.

Suddenly, a glass was smashed against the wall beside you.

'WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?' your father bellowed. He slowly stood up and began walking towards you but your mom grabbed him by the arm. He slapped her hands away, accidently slapping her.

You opened the door and started running. It was raining and the air was freezing cold but you knew you couldn't go back in. Tears were mixing with the rain drops as you ran through your neighborhood. It was like your legs had a mind of their own as they kept on running further and further. Before you knew it you were standing in front of Jacob's house.

It was already late but you could still see a dim light burning in his room. Since you had left in a hurry you hadn't had a chance to take your phone with you. You resorted in throwing the smallest pebbles you could find against his window. The rest of his family was probably already sleeping and you didn't want to wake them up by ringing the doorbell.

The curtains were pushed aside and a face appeared shortly. After a few seconds Jacob opened the door.

'Y/n? What are you doing here?' He rubbed his eyes in confusion.

You stayed silent because you were struggling to form any words that would accurately describe what happened.

'Are you okay?' he asked worriedly as you didn't move. Not trusting your voice you just nodded your head. You didn't want to fall apart in front of him.

'Are you sure?' Jacob asked again, doubting that you were completely fine if you were standing in front of his house after midnight.

'No,' the emotions came spilling out of your mouth. You ran into Jacob's open arms and buried your head in his chest. Tears were streaming down your face. He embraced you tightly and you fisted his sweater and began sobbing uncontrollably. He stroked your head in a consoling way.

'Hey… It's wet out here. We should go inside,' he suggested and put an arm around your waist to lead you inside.

He gave you one of his sweaters and showed you the bathroom.

You blow dried your soaking wet hair and changed. While the hot air was blowing in your face, you were feeling empty and exhausted.

What had you done to deserve a life like this? Well the only thing you had done was to be born but apparently that was already bad enough.

When your hair was mostly dried, you went to his room. He patted the space next to him, inviting you to sit down. You rested your head on his shoulders and you sat there while Jacob was humming a quiet tune.

'Do you want to talk about it?' he gently asked you after a while. You shook your head.

'I just want to forget everything,' you mumble.

'I can make you forget.' You were confused by what he meant so you turned your head to look at him.

He cupped your cheek in one hand and slowly came closer. He was staring straight at your lips. You closed your eyes and leaned in.

The kiss started very simple. At first they were some soft short kisses, then they became longer and you started engaging your tongues. Hands began roaming and before you knew he was laying on top of you, placing open mouthed kisses on your neck and leaving hickeys.

He helped you get rid of your (his) sweater and slowly started massaging your breasts. He lightly brushed his palms over your nipples which made them stand up hard.

He experementally licked over one of them and your back arched in reaction. While taking turns sucking on your nipples he pinched the free one to keep both sides excited.

You were embarrassed by how much these simple actions affected you. You had tried playing with your breast while masturbating before but it had never really done anything for you. Jacob seemed to know what exactly to do to get you squirming at his touch.

He seemed contented by your intense reactions and smiled encouragingly at you.

His mouth started to wander lower and lower, leaving wet kisses on your rib cage and belly. When he arrived at the shorts, he made eye contact with you as if to ask you for permission. You nodded and he swiftly pulled them down.

He intertwined his fingers with yours as he slowly started licking your wetness. His nose brushed against your clit and you moaned loudly, squeezing his hands tightly.

As he started fucking you with his tongue, he let go of your hands and instead began twisting your nipples. The pleasure you felt in two different parts of your body was exhilarating.

You didn't know how long you lay there but Jacob took his time in making you feel good. He didn't stop until you had your first orgasm. It made your entire body shake and you tried to keep yourself from being too loud.

In return, you wanted to pleasure him now but he (gently) slapped your hand away at your attempt to go near his bulge.

'No, let me make you feel good. I'm already hard enough.'

And that was true. As he pulled down his underwear, his hard cock sprang out. Pre-cum was already dripping from the tip and it looked eager for some action.

After rolling on a condom, Jacob positioned himself behind you and pulled your back against his chest. Because he had prepared you enough, his cock slid in with ease and both of you let out a satisfied moan.

The pace started off slow and you turned your head to involve him in a wet kiss. As he picked up the tempo you let your body fall onto the mattress, only your butt left sticking up in the air.

You were pulling at the bed sheets and tried to drown out your moans in his pillows. You wanted to be loud and scream his name but his family was sleeping and you didn't want to risk being caught and get him in trouble. His quiet groans were enough for you to know he was enjoying this interaction just as much as you were.

At one point you let your ass fall down and you lay there completely flat on the bed. No problem. He just parted your ass cheeks and thrusted into you like this.

His cock hit places deep inside you and riled you up even more. When you started clenching around him, he picked up his pace and his thrusts became more irregular.

He came hard and you regretted not being able to see his face scrunched up in complete bliss.

Instead of ending it there, he slid first two and then three fingers inside you and moved them fast while stimulating your clit with the other hand.

The wet noises that came out of your pussy were an indicator of just how good you felt. Unable to control yourself, juices started squirting out of you but Jacob didn't pull out his hands until you were done.

You were breathing heavily against the mattress. You didn't dare turn around because you felt embarrassed about having squirted.

'You did so well,' Jacob encouraged you while rubbing your back. He then left to get paper towels to clean both of you up.

To say you had left a mess would be an understatement. His sheets were completely drenched in your fluids and even Jacob was wet all over. He didn't seem to mind though and just calmly cleaned everything (and everyone) up.

He then pulled you close and spooned you from behind.

'I hope I could make you forget. You should know that there are always people by your side that love you.'

As you were falling asleep in his warm embrace you thought you heard him mumble: 'Just like I do.'

#the boyz smut #the boyz scenarios #the boyz angst #the boyz #jacob bae #jacob bae smut #jacob bae angst #jacob bae scenario #the boyz jacob #the boyz jacob smut #the boyz jacob scenario #kpop #kpop smut #kpop angst #kpop scenarios

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bangtansbun · 5 years ago

Text

Peaches || Jeongguk

pairing: Jeongguk x f.reader

genre: fluff, smut

summary: you’re in your third year of college, a criminology major and music minor, and you’re still harboring (maybe even nurturing) a crush that you’ve had on a classmate since your first year. You’d seen him around campus, even had gen. eds. with him, but this semester he’s in your chorus class. He’s sat next to you in the tenor section and he just won’t stop calling you “peaches”

word count: 5,239

warnings: slow burn, massive pining crush, perverse thoughts, thigh riding, slight mentions of marking, dirty talk, praise, nipple stimulation, fingering, protected sex, cursing, vague description of squirting, details of JK’s pretty cock, this is kinda soft because he’s a sweet boy

a/n: kadjlaksdjlkj parts of this are literally based off of my high school crush

You’ve finished your first class of the day, Criminal Psychology, and you’re headed to your chorus class now. It’s across campus so you’re moving fast, but also trying to enjoy the walk since it’s flurrying outside and you’re excited for the snowy weather.

You’re hoping you have some good classmates this year, the boys in your Chorus 1 class last year were a nightmare and always pissed off your instructor. You’re okay with a little bit of fun in the class, but not to the point where you’re whipping around in your chair to tell the ignorant boy to “shut the hell up” in front of everyone.

You walk into the room and find your usual seat in the soprano 2 section (even though you knew you many not have that exact seat once your instructor decides where you would blend best). A few of your chorus friends from last year make their way into class too, and you make sure to say hi to all of them.

Then, he walks in.

You’d seen this cutie around campus since last year and had one- no, maybe two gen. ed. classes with him. He had down the goofy, boy-ish charm that had you absolutely swooning and now your heart is starting to thrum in your chest.

He moves to sit in the tenor section which is conveniently placed next to yours. You’re hoping to GOD that you don’t end up sitting directly next to him because there’s no way he won’t notice that your body is already vibrating at a high frequency.

After everyone is accounted for in the class, your instructor begins to ask everyone to go around and introduce them self – your name, major, and preferred section. It moves through the circle and you learn that the cute boy’s name is Jeongguk and he has a smile that’s both sexy and adorable. How does that even work?

It comes around to you and you dutifully answer: y/n, criminology major, and soprano 2. Before the next person can go, Jeongguk looks right at you and says “hey, peaches” with a smirk. His eyes crinkling at the corners, and you realize he’s referring to the peach colored Northface jacket you’re wearing.

Unfortunately, this causes a blush to cover your cheeks, about the same color as your jacket. All eyes on you. You duck your head and give a curt smile, signaling for the next person to go.

Everything else goes smoothly from that point on, that is, until seat placements are made. Of course, as fate would have it, your instructor places you on the edge of your section, right next to Jeongguk. Your voice apparently blends well with his.

You all take your seats and you make sure to hold your breath when he takes his next to you. Immediately, you notice his cologne. Probably Axe Body Spray, but he still smells good nonetheless, and you’re forcefully having to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes into the back of your head. WHAT is wrong with me??

He flashes his charming grin at you as he places his hands on his thighs, rubbing them up and down.

Oh god those thighs-

Stop, stop being such a perv

“’Sup peaches?” You want to be annoyed that he already has a nickname for you, but you can’t help but feel tingly all over when the word graces across his lips. You shake your head slightly, realizing your staring a bit. “Hi, Jeongguk,” you say while avoiding eye-contact now because you don’t know if you’ll be able to break your eyes away from him again. “Ahh, just call me Gguk,” he says this as he ruffles your hair a bit.

Your eyes go wide at the touch, “Oh- I- okay,” is all you can muster, and he chuckles at you. Running his hand through his dark brown hair, “this is gonna be a fun semester, y/n.”

That’s it. You’re dead meat. You won’t make it the whole semester.

Your thoughts the entire rest of the day were filled with his melodic laugh, his enticing voice, his muscular thighs, and the cute dimples that occasionally made an appearance when he blessed you with his bunny-like smile.

You felt like you were back in high school. Who has a crush this intense anymore? It had your hormones racing, images of his large hands on your hips and his pink lips on your neck as you ride his thig- JESUS CHRIST, I think I need church.

You roll over in your twin bed, groaning, and bring your covers up over your head in an attempt to snuff out the fire that was trying to burn its way through you. You needed to go to sleep and focus on the important major classes you would have for the rest of the week (and certainly not about the one other chorus class you would have with a certain flirtatious boy).

The week flew by without a hitch, but then again, it was only syllabus week so you couldn’t really expect it to be too bad anyway. Except, you had one more class with the boy who had you flustered and fumbling over your words after one conversation.

This time you would have a plan. You’d busy yourself by talking to your friends from last semester, some other soprano 2′s that sat in your section, until it comes time to pull out your sheet music. That should work, right?

Well, that’s what you thought anyway. And it had been going to plan, until he tapped you on your shoulder to get your attention. I mean you couldn’t outright ignore him, could you? So, to your dismay, you turn around to take in his light wash jeans and blue turtleneck sweater.

He looked so boyfriend it physically hurt.

He was sitting down in his chair and pointing with his thumb to the big windows behind you, where you could see the snow covered ground and more flakes falling. “Wanna go play with me in the snow?” He had to be kidding right? You couldn’t skip class, but also, why would he want you to go play with him? Out in the snow, that is.

His question had you blinking and stuttering, all while he had a cheeky smile on his face, like he knew what he was doing to you. He just chuckled to himself and turned back in his seat, grabbing his sheet music, and clearly not expecting an answer. What were you supposed to say to that anyway? Holy fuck this boy was wild.

“Gguk is so flirting with you,” you heard from your right side. “Wh-what?” your eyes looking back at your friend. “Oh come on, y/n, you aren’t that dense, are you? Why else would a boy give you a nickname and purposely make you turn into an idiot in his presence?” Oh my god. “Is it that obvious?” You smacked your palm into your forehead. She simply nodded at you, patted your shoulder and wished you luck.

You tried your best to focus on your setlist for the remainder of class, but it was so hard to ignore the handsome boy next to you. His voice was better than anyone else’s you had ever heard before, and he kept running his fingers through his hair. You wanted so badly to be able to run your own hands through his soft brown hair.

Despite his distracting charm, you were able to keep your eyes to yourself (or in the direction of your friends, at least) until class was over. It wasn’t until you were slinging your backpack over your shoulder and making your way toward the hall that he grabbed your elbow. “Peaches, wait,” he sounded out of breath for some reason. You turn around with bambi eyes, not sure what he could possibly want from you.

“Where are you going?” he asks as he falls into an easy stride next to you. “Uh, I have a short break for lunch before my next class.” He nods and continues to walk next to you. “What’re you doing?” you ask him pointedly. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m walking you to lunch.” You blinked at him, confusion painting your face. “Wh- why?” you’ve stopped walking now. “You’re cute,” he chuckles, putting his hands into his pockets and starting to walk in the direction of the dining hall.

You start to walk with him again, “we’re friends, aren’t we? I didn’t think it’d be a problem for me to walk you to the dining hall on my way to class.” Your cheeks start to burn, you feel bad that that you had given him that impression. You were just so confused as to why he was taking such an interest in you. “N-no it’s okay,” but by the time you give this answer, you’re already there and he’s turning slightly to head toward his class. “I’ll see you next week, peaches,” he shouts to you, giving you a wink, and his milliwatt smile.

The first half of your semester went by faster than you thought it would, and you had actually managed to stop feeling like a moron around Gguk (most of the time). You and him had gotten into a rhythm, you guys talked to each other in class - sometimes he’d flirt and make you laugh, he’d walk you to the dining hall, and occasionally you would meet up to hang out with him outside of class.

However, that didn’t mean you didn’t still have a raging crush on him that made your mind feel hazy and send heat through your whole body. This much was evident when he decided to skip his class one day and join your for lunch.

You both had opted for grilled chicken and french fries because your dining hall sucks and that was the safest option. The two of you fell into easy conversation with the occasional comfortable silence. He talked about his classes and how in his free time he’s been working on a mixtape. “I mean I figured you liked music considering you’re in chorus with me, but I didn’t know you were that into it!” He gives you a dimpled bunny smile and nods his head a bit, “yeah, maybe you could come over and listen to my stuff sometime.”

There’s a slight blush to his cheeks that you’ve not seen before. If you had to guess, you’re probably the first girl he’s ever offered to share his own music with. So, you take the opportunity to be bold while his coquettish demeanor is wavering.

“Oh, so would that be, like, our second date then?” You take a sip of your water, sneaking a glance over the cup to see the doe-eyed expression he’s giving you now. His mouth bobbed a bit like a fish’s before he managed to get words out, “did I miss our first date?” You giggle at how taken aback he seems to be. “Well, you went through all this effort to skip class and eat lunch with me,” you say with a lilt in your voice. “Oh please, peaches. You call this effort? I’d do way more than just this.”

Now it’s your turn to blush. Your boldness gone the second he calls you by the affectionate name. “Is this your way of trying to get me to take you out?” He asks this question with his tongue poking into his cheek, eyebrows cocked. “N-no!! I was just messing with you!” He grabs your plate, along with his, as you both get up to exit the dining hall. “To late now, I’ll text you when I’ve got it all planned out.” He winks at you as he puts the dishes on the conveyor belt and exits the building with a wave. Fuck.

New Message From Gguk:

[3:04pm] be ready tonight around 7:30

To Gguk:

[3:07pm] tonight?? where are you taking me?

From Gguk:

[3:09pm] don’t worry about it. just wear something casual

To Gguk:

[3:10pm] ugh you’re infuriating, but okay.

[3:12pm] you’re not gonna murder me in some back alley are you?

[3:13pm] omg you are aren’t you??

From Gguk:

[3:14pm] y/n.. our campus is huge with many secluded areas. if I wanted to murder you I would have done it by now

To Gguk:

[3:15pm] and yet somehow that answer isn’t reassuring at all. I’ll be ready by 7:30

Okay, so this was a bit short notice considering he only told you roughly 4 hours ahead of time, but he said to wear something casual so that should be plenty of time, right?

You decide to focus back onto your homework for the next hour or so. You’re able to do that for about 30 minutes but then you start thinking. I haven’t shaved my legs in over a week. He said casual but I should still look casually cute. What am I supposed to do with my hair now that the humidity is back?? Panic. Panic is setting in.

You slam shut your textbook and notes, and start to make your way to your dorm room. Once you’re there you begin to rummage through your closet and dresser drawers. The flinging of clothes and 45 minutes later, you finally settle on a pair of black ripped jeans, a flowy, strappy white top, and some white converse.

2 hours and 30 minutes left.

You didn’t think it would, but it did in fact take you that entire two and a half hours to finish getting ready, but you were pleased with the way you looked. This was more effort than you usually put in considering no one ever looks nice when they have 8:00am classes.

You also didn’t think you’d be phased by seeing Jeongguk dressed ready for a date because he always looked good, but the second you laid eyes on him, in his light wash ripped denim, black tee, leather jacket, and matching bucket hat, you knew you were a goner.

“You know it’s not polite to stare with a gaping mouth right?” he asks as he uses his index finger to gently push your chin up, closing your mouth for you. “I- I’m sorry. You look great, Gguk,” you say as you look down at your feet. You’re avoiding eye contact now since he caught you ogling him. “You look great too, y/n. I like your converse, a nice touch!” he says in that smooth and charming way he has about him. With that, he grabs your hand and leads you to his car to drive you off to god-knows-where.

Much to your surprise, he takes you to the local town fair. You’d never really participated in these types of things before because you had this ideal (probably from watching The Notebook one too many times) that fairs were romantic and meant for couples only.

However, you both had an incredible night, despite your reservations. He bought you cotton candy to share, you rode the ferris wheel together (sans hanging off the edge of it), scared each other in the fun house, and he even won you a stuffed teddy. It occurred to you that you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, and certainly not with a boy since you started college. He made you laugh, held your hand, and paid attention to you. It all felt a bit like a dream, what with all the pretty colors and twinkling lights around you.

You felt kind of sad that the date was ending as he drove you both back to campus. This date had allowed your crush to bloom into actual feelings and you were starting to worry about the days following. Would everything just go back to the way it was? Would he pretend like the date hadn’t happened? Did he even like you like that?

Luckily for you, you weren’t able to ruminate for too long on those negative thoughts because the car had come to a halt and you were suddenly back on campus. “You’ve been kind of quiet since we left the fair. What’re you thinking in there?” he pokes at your head for emphasis. “Oh, nothing! I had a really great time tonight,” you’re hoping you sound convincing enough so he doesn’t pry his way into your private thoughts. “Well, the night doesn’t have to end yet. We can hang out in my room for a bit if you want? My roommate is never here on the weekends, so the awkwardness of him being there is eliminated.”

Stunned. Yup, that would be an accurate word for what you felt in that moment.

“You’re gaping again, peaches. Am I going to have to be the one to teach you some manners?” He tsks at you and shakes his head, but there’s a smirk on his face. There’s also a darkness to his eyes. One that sends heat right to your core, and has you nodding your head to him in an instant. Your head feels cloudy as you walk to his dorm room, hand-in-hand, as if you’re caught under his spell again.

Once you’re there, the spell seems to drop and your nervousness is back. The room is dark, except for the soft glow of a lamp on his desk that he’s turned on. “I know you said we’d do this on our second date, but I figured we could merge the two,” he says handing you a set of headphones. Broken from your worried state, you realize he’s about to show you his music. The folder is labeled “JJK1″ and his angelic voice starts to flow into your ears, overwhelming your senses.

He’s singing in a lower register, the words feel emotional and meaningful. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever heard before. You look up at him and he’s not making eye contact with you, “this is amazing, Gguk.” You both listen for another minute or two before he hits pause and finally looks back at you. “Seriously, your music is so good.” You set the headphones back on their display and he does the same. “You really think so?” You nod, and there’s a shift in the air.

You’re both staring into each other’s eyes, then his own flicker down to your lips briefly. You’re starting to feel squirmy under his gaze, and you move to look away. To say something dumb about how his room is tidier than you thought it would be, but he’s quicker than you, grabbing your jaw to turn your head back and plant his soft, pink lips onto yours.

There’s tingles all over your body the second his lips are moving with yours. He’s careful with you as he brings a hand up to cup your neck. It feels like he’s scared to break you, but at the same time you can feel a sense of urgency lingering behind his tongue. You suppose this whole semester has built up the anticipation of this very moment. You don’t want him to be careful though, you’ve been waiting for this moment the second he walked into your chorus class.

Lips never leaving yours, he slowly walks you over to his bed. He sits on the edge of it and pulls you into his lap. With the tilt of his head he’s deepening the kiss. His tongue skating across your lips, asking for entrance, to which you gladly give him. His expert tongue maps the inside of your mouth as you’re moaning into his own.

Taking that as a good sign, he runs his large hands over your hips, landing with a firm grip on your ass. He squeezes your flesh, effectively causing some friction between you and his thighs. That has you moaning again. You couldn’t even count the amount of times you’d thought of being in this position. The chance to ride his thick, muscular thighs to heaven and back. You were growing wet just at the thought of it.

“Is this okay?” he asks even though he can probably tell that what he’s doing is very okay. You nod eagerly and make a sound close to mhm to indicate that you don’t want this to stop. The second you give him the okay to continue, his lips are back on yours and he uses his hands to rock you back and forth on his thigh. Even through your jeans, the friction feels electrifying. It appears he feels the same way considering his growing length in his own jeans, creating an obvious tent.

You break from kissing to let out a series of whimpers and groans from the heat that is building up inside of you. You head lolling back to allow Gguk the opportunity to lick a stripe up your neck to your jaw. Nipping and sucking at you every now and then. Everything feels too good. It’s all so surreal considering you’ve been pining for him for so long.

“You look so pretty riding my thigh like that,” he says in between planting kisses along your collarbone. “I’ve caught you checking me out before, I bet you’ve wanted this since the first time I sat next to you.” Now he’s lifting your shirt over your head, exposing your light gray mesh bralette to him.

Your hips never ceasing their movement, he brings his mouth down to your mesh covered nipple and laves his tongue over it. He notices your sharp intake of breath and a barely there fuck coming from you. “I love how sensitive you are to everything,” he sucks the nipple into his mouth for a moment before he makes his way over to the other one. This time he moves the bralette to the side so you can feel the full effect of his tongue. He rotates between swirling and gently flicking his tongue over the hardened bud.

It’s now very clear to you that the heat inside of you will be coming to a head soon if he continues. He’s very much able to pick up on your impending climax, so he takes the nipple into his mouth and begins to suck, all the while holding you down harder on his thigh as he rocks you back and forth. “Shit, I- I’m gonna come if you don’t stop,” you say breathlessly. “Now why would I want to do that, peaches?” his mouth now moving back to suck on the other nipple. He breaks away with a wet *pop* and brings a hand down to smack your ass. “Come on, I know you can come like this. Come all over my thigh like the good little girl I know you are.”

Your hair is starting to stick to you a little, sweaty from the exertion used to keep up the hard pace. The string inside of you is ready to snap any second. “Please, please, Gguk,” you whine to him, hoping he understands what you need. With both hands firmly in place on your ass, he sets a deadly pace and a flex of his muscle to cause the friction to burn straight to your slick core. You’re moaning his full name now as you feel yourself come undone around his thigh. Pulsing against him, your head slack on his shoulder, and your hips slowing down to ride out your orgasm. “Such pretty sounds when you come for me. I want to hear it again,” he says as he leaves sweet kisses on your lips.

He moves you from his lap to his bed, helping you out of your skinny jeans because your legs are aching now and you can’t find the energy to do it yourself. He takes in your form and the matching light gray mesh thong you’re wearing. “Were you hoping for this, baby? It’s okay if you were, I was hoping for it too.” You don’t know how you got to this place, but you were thanking whatever god it was that blessed you with this much luck.

Within moments, he’s undressed himself and you hear a wrapper crinkling over by his desk where he’s standing. He climbs back onto the bed and hovers over top of you. “You still doing okay?” he’s more considerate than you would have imagined a guy with his good looks would be, but you’re grateful for it. You smile at him and tilt your head up to kiss his lips and then his cheek. “God, look at you,” he says as he sits back on his heels, admiring the girl in front of him.

He bends down to press kisses into your inner thigh, bringing two fingers to hook into the waist band of your thong and tug it down. He can see a string of your wetness stretch between you and your thong before it breaks when he brings his fingers to your slit. A drawn out moan leaves your mouth, his fingers feel so good now that they’re finally where you need them. “Fuck, you’re so wet for me.”

He presses two fingers into you and they slide in with ease considering you’ve already finished once before. He uses his other hand to rub soft circles into your clit. Your breathing is becoming heavier now and you desperately want to feel his thick length inside of you. You can see his cock twitch at the sounds you make. It’s veiny and so so pink at the tip, no doubt leaking with precum. You’d be willing to bet anything that you’ll feel so full with him inside of you.

As if to read your mind, he pushes a third finger inside. “You ready, baby? I don’t know how much longer I can wait to feel you around my cock.” His words have you keening and moving your hips in time with his fingers. His other hand now moves from your clit to his length, rubbing up and down before he teasingly slaps it against your core a few times, causing you to bite harshly into your lip.

But then he’s pushing it in and you swear you see stars. He moves your legs so your thighs are against your chest now. “Ohhhhh my god,” you whine out to him as he bottoms out inside of you. “Fuck, you’re so tight, y/n.” He stills for a moment to allow you to adjust, but then he begins to move languidly. Thrusting ever so gently against that sensitive spot inside of you due to the position.

He leans down all the way to plant kisses along your chest, up your collarbone, and onto your neck. Lazy licks causing your heart to beat rapidly and moans escape your lips. His thrusts become rougher with each passing second, still never missing that signature spot inside of you, and it’s mind numbing.

He brings a hand down to your clit to rub figure eights into the bundle of nerves. “Please, d- don’t stop,” he grunts at the neediness he can hear in your voice. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ll make sure you feel good,” He punctuates this with a particularly hard thrust into you and you let out a loud moan, curses following behind.

You’re so wet now and all you can think about is how good it feels to have him inside of you. You never want to let go of the feeling of his strong hands on you, sweat occasionally dripping from his hair, and his cock pounding into you. His first time fucking you and he already seems to know exactly what you like. Knowing not to rub your clit too much because it’s extra sensitive, that grabbing your ass will have your walls clenching around him, and kissing your neck leads to you mewling his name. All of this, in turn, causing him to feel rock hard, ready to burst his load any second.

“You’re such a good girl, you know that? Taking me so well and ready to come for me again,” he says this as he slows his pace down a bit. He wants you to feel every inch of him, savor the feeling, because soon enough he’s going to have both of you falling apart. He lets one of your thighs down and grabs onto the other, using it as an anchor. “God, you feel so good around me. Come again for me, baby. I wanna see your face this time while you cream my cock for everything it’s worth.

With his thumb on your clit and his words stuck in your head, you’re all of about two seconds away from losing yourself on him. He picks up his pace again, slamming into you over and over and over again until you can’t take it anymore. Juices gush out of you as you practically scream, complete and total ecstasy taking over your body. “That’s it, such a good girl coming for me again,” he says as he helps you ride through your second orgasm of the night.

“Jesus, y/n, you got.. so.. wet,” his thrusts growing sloppy now. His bottom lip is sucked between his teeth and his brown eyes are filled with need. He quickly pulls out, rips the condom off, and pumps himself just briefly before he’s spilling his seed onto your stomach. A slur of curses and your name leaving his mouth. Rope after rope of the white liquid coating you, his own personal masterpiece laid out in front of him.

When he’s finally finished, he falls back onto his heels, head lolling as he tries to steady his breathing. You think he looks so good fucked out. You could look at him like this for the rest of your life. Then again, you could look at him in any state for the rest of your life. This was a three year long crush (turned into feelings) in the making, after all.

“You look so perfect like this,” he says as he takes in your state. Sweat glistening on your skin, lips swollen and red, and his cum painted on your stomach. “Hold on, I’ll get something for you,” he says before he gets up to go discard the condom and grab a towel. He helps clean you both up and hands you a sweatshirt of his. “It’s pretty late now, you can spend the night if you want and wear that so you’re more comfortable. I’ll turn on a show or something for us.” He changes the sheets on his bed while you change and throw your hair up into a messy bun, ready for bed now.

You both settle into the now clean bed and he turns on New Girl. You curl up next to him, head resting on his taut chest and a leg slung over his. “So I know we just had our first and second date, but does this count as our third?” he says in a joking tone, and even though you can’t see him, you can tell he’s smiling. “I dunno, does that mean we’ll have a fourth?” He chuckles at you and kisses the top of your head, “anything you want, peaches.”

You had worried at the beginning of the semester that Gguk would flirt and taunt you endlessly and with no real reward, but you were wonderfully wrong. You were also pretty sure that this was just the beginning and that thought has butterflies swimming inside of you. This charming boy had you wrapped around his finger, and unbeknownst to you, you had him wrapped around yours.

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nsfwshiggy · 4 years ago

Text

criminal

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paring: shigaraki x fem!reader (no quirks)

warnings: 18+, sex toys, slight dirty talk, degrading (name calling) unprotected vaginal sex, noncon/dubcon, public sex, water sports(?) , cumming inside

word count: 2k

author's note: ah i'm finally posting again :D college just started again so i've been trying to get back into the swing of things but my goal is still post at least once a week and maybe twice if i have the time. i started writing this at 1am when i should've been either sleeping or studying for a quiz i have tomorrow. oh well. i hope you enjoy! constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged.

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you couldn’t believe that he made you wear this while you had to be in classes all day. you were nervous that the other people around you would be able to hear it so you got to class a little early just so you could get a seat in the back where not a lot of people sit. you send your boyfriend shigaraki a text before class started –

I am in class please don’t do anything stupid.

knowing your boyfriend perfectly well you already knew what he was going to do but honestly you were excited because you didn’t know exactly when it was going to happen. you guys were trying out a new toy but shigaraki was the one who bought it so you literally had no idea what the toy did, but you had an idea.

the toy was obviously a vibrator but you didn't know how powerful it was or how many speeds it had. you were in for a real surprise when he finally decided to use it.

you look at your phone to see if he texted back but you find that he just read your message. you hated when he did that so you just locked your phone and decided to actually pay attention in class.

about 20 minutes pass without anything happening, you were kind of disappointed that he hasn't tried anything yet. you feel your phone vibrate and you look down and see it's from shigaraki –

be a good girl

reading that made you quiver because that's what he always says before he does something to you. another 5 minutes pass and it feels like he was just picking on you by sending you that text message. you pick up your phone to send him another text but before you could - you feel it.

you gasp so loudly that some of the students turn around and look at you. you grip onto the desk in front of you. you try your best to laugh it off but -

holy fuck

it was so powerful

this was like nothing you've ever experienced before. the toy was already deep inside you so it was hitting your sweet spot right when it was turned on. you straighten your back out and push yourself into your seat even more to get friction in the other places that were desperate to be touched.

you look at the clock and see that you had another 5 minutes until class was over. your knuckles were starting to go white with how hard you were gripping the desk. you could see out of the corner of your eye that your phone was going off with multiple messages from shigaraki –

are you being a good girl?

is it making my good girl feel good?

i cant wait to the mess you made in your panties.

you couldn't do anything but just sit there because you knew if you moved the vibrator would move and if it were to move even the slightest you didn't know what kind of noise would come out of you. you only wished that the class would hurry up and finish so you could go to the bathroom so you could finish.

all of a sudden it stopped. you were so closed to cumming just from the toy but you knew shigaraki liked watching you finish.

finally the class was finished and you rushed out of the class. the bathroom wasn't too far away so you quickly walked down the hall but right before you could grab the door handle you felt it again but this time it was way more powerful.

you fall to your knees right in the middle of the hall while other students were passing you and looking down at you confused. you press your legs together and squeeze your eyes shut trying not to scream with how good you are feeling. you feel hands grabbing you to lift you off the floor but your legs are shaking so much that you can't even stand so you almost fall again but the person holds you up.

you finally open your eyes to see who is holding you up and it is none other than the person who put you into this situation - shigaraki. he wraps your arms around his neck and whispers into your ear, "how do you feel knowing that all of these people are watching you right now?"

you bite his shoulder to keep you from moaning to loudly. once again you were so close to actually finishing and it felt beyond amazing. "s-shigaraki please" you say quietly while resting your head on his shoulder. "tell me what you want? hm?" he says while laughing at you. he pulls you away from him and helps you walk into the bathroom not caring that he shouldn't be in there.

he locks the door behind you and pushes you over to the counter. "p-please let me finish" you ask him while starting to put your hand down your panties but before you could he pulls your hand away. "i don't think so.." he says while pushing his lips onto yours for the first time all day. "..i want you to beg for it like the good girl you. you are a good girl right?" he ask while smirking at you.

you look up at him and tell him that you are his good girl and that you will do anything he tells you to do. he pulls out a remote from his pocket and turns off the toy finally. you whine when the vibrating stops. "good girls don't whine" he says while pushing your skirt up and sliding his hands down into your panties. he slightly touches your swollen clit making you buck your hips into him.

"look at you acting like a little bitch in heat" he says right into your ear while slightly pushing his long slender finger into your tight hole. you push on his chest while your head falls back. "don't get too happy i'm only taking out the toy so you can't cum without me" he chuckles at you. you start to whine again.

he placed the toy that was covered in your wetness on the counter beside you. "i feel so empty now please just fuck me already" you whine at him. he was taking too long and you just wanted him to fill you up already. he turns you around and pushes you over the counter letting you see yourself in the mirror.

"look at that little slut in the mirror begging me to fuck her tight hole" he says while running a single finger down your slit. "you got so wet just from that toy" he laughs looking at you in the mirror.

you push back into him and grind your ass on his clothed dick. you look over your shoulder and see him with his head pushed back because just the feeling of your ass feels amazing against his already hard dick. he grabs your hips making you stop and then you hear him unzip his pants.

you were so ready for him to be buried deep inside you but he continue to move slowly just to tease you even more. "you have to wait patiently if you want me to fuck you good" he says while pumping his dick and slightly rubbing it up and down your dripping slit.

you moan when you finally feel him enter you. "ahh fuck fuck" you whimper while he slowly pushes into rubbing against the now highly sensitive spot deep inside of you. "p-please stop teasing me" you managed to say while looking at him in the mirror. he looks you right in the eyes and winks at you.

you try to take control but before you can do that he slams right into you without warning making you scream out in pleasure. your head drops onto the cold counter as he continues to completely destroy your insides. "does that make my little slut happy? fucking you so roughly?" he asks while slapping your ass leaving it stinging.

he lifts up one of your legs making it feel like he was even deeper inside of you, "holy f-fuck shigaraki.." you sob while he picks up the pace. you were starting to feel that tightening sensation that you always feel when you are about to cum. "i-i'm about to cum" you moan out as you look at yourself in the mirror.

your hair was sticking to your forehead because you had gotten so sweaty and some of your mascara was running down your cheeks. shigaraki says nothing and continues to push inside of you with a steady flow. you were just about to finish but you were cut off when you hear a knock on the bathroom door.

shigaraki stops and looks at you in the mirror. he holds a finger up to his mouth telling you to stay quiet. once again he says nothing and without warning pushes into you again with full force. you couldn't stop yourself from moaning out and this time you were so loud but you didn't care. you really needed to finish and every time you were close it was always taken away.

you didn't even try to stop your moans from coming out anymore you were feeling so unbelievably good that you just couldn't. shigaraki puts his hand over your mouth while continuing to do what he does best. "do you want to cum baby girl?" he asks while slowing down his thrusts but every time he would push into you he would stop for a second before pulling out again.

you nod your head yes vigorously. your legs were starting to shake. you were so close and shigaraki could tell just from you clenching around him. "fuckk.." he moans from the feeling "if you keep clenching like that i'm going to cum inside of you. i'll fill you up my little whore" he states while taking his hand away from your mouth. whoever was at the door had given up.

you nod your head, "please please" you whimper while trying to clenching even tighter around him "i want you to cum inside of me p-please" you say while looking into his eyes through the mirror. the tightening in your lower belly was back and every time he would push into you brought you even closer.

shigaraki wraps his hand around you so he could rub your neglected clit. your knees buckled as he did this giving you the final push you needed to finally cum. but because you were being over stimulated you did more than just cum. warm liquid started to slowly leak from you and you tried your best to keep it in but you couldn't.

you were so physically tired that you couldn't hold even a moan or whimper in. shigaraki was surprised by this but he didn't care because you could feel his hot load shoot into you feeling you up just like he said he would. he mumbles out a bunch of words that you couldn't make out.

he says inside of you for a few seconds before pulling out and some of his seed leaks out. you were a mess and you were also making a mess on the floor. "i should've bought that toy a long time ago" he says while laughing and holding you up once again pushing the sweaty hair off your face.

you fall into his arms because of how dizzy you felt.

"are you ready for round two at home?" he questions wiping some of your mascara off your cheeks.

©️nsfwshiggy

#boku no hero x reader #bnha smut #mha smut #shigaraki smut #bnha shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x y/n #shiggy #mha shigaraki #boku no hero academia shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #my hero academia smut #shigaraki tomura smut

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70swizards · 4 years ago

Text

james & adhd

tw// everything to do w adhd?

james never understood why he always procrastinated. he never understood why he could never bring himself to do the work he knew he was supposed to be doing

“why can’t i just do it? i need to do it- i can’t- i can’t do it,” he’d whimper to himself, his charms homework lonely on his desk.

why did james always forget what he was saying? he swears the idea was there a second ago, but it’s no longer there, and to save his life, he couldn’t remember what that was.

james would raise his hand in class, the answer clear in his head. he knows what to say. as soon as he is called on, the thought slips like water through cracks. it was gone

everything was so goddamn loud. why was everything so goddamn loud?! auditory hypersensitivity? he couldn’t stand people talking on top of each other, he couldn’t stand the loud tv, he couldn’t stand the noises, unless he was the one making them.

he was a master at multi-tasking, but at the same time, he absolutely could not do it. if he was listening to music, and someone had walked in to speak to him, he’d turn the music off or he wouldn’t understand any of it.

on the other hand, while in class, he couldn’t just listen to his professor speak. it was impossible. he had to be doing something else. he was so under-stimulated it hurt.

james had glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. he had memorized how many stars were about to fall off, and how many moons were scattered about. the nights he had stared up at his ceiling, not being able to sleep were countless

rejection sensitive dysphoria.

he was so sensitive to rejection. one time, when sirius wouldn’t reply to his owl, he was sure that sirius hated him and never wanted to speak to him again. he cried in his bed for hours, desperately wanting to believe otherwise.

it was the same thing with criticism. he knew his friends were just trying to help him, but it still hurt him that he wasn’t doing it perfectly.

“hey prongs, your dive wasn’t the best last match, you should probably work on that!” sirius said to him during practice. and of course, it wasn’t his fault, but james could only smile and nod, feeling his heart wrench

he couldn’t handle his emotions well. if he walks in to the boys’ dorm, and they’re watching tv, that’s way too loud for james’ preference, he’d ask if they can lower the volume. if they say no, james would a twinge of sadness as he feels his eyes water.

one spring break, remus took the marauders to a muggle mall, and sirius insisted on stopping to check out the toy store. there, james found a little red and black fidget cube. at first he had just bought it cause it looked cool, but afterwards, you’d never spot james without it. if he was forced to stop using it in class, he’d bounce his leg, play with his quill, twist his ring, bite his lips, pick at the skin around his nails. anything. he needed to move. he needed to fidget.

talking about moving, he’d get in trouble for standing up too much in class. he couldn’t sit anymore, he felt as if he were about to combust, he shouldn’t be getting in trouble for that.

what was up with the two week obsessions that kept shifting?? one week he was so adamant on learning how to crochet, and the other, he just wanted to know everything about greek mythology. but soon enough, he didn’t care about any of those things anymore, and it didn’t feel right to him

james loved transfiguration. it was his favourite class and surprisingly enough, he loved when mcgonagall gave them homework. one time, she had told them to write a seven foot essay about the book they read that term. they had two weeks.

but james? he started it the day before the deadline, not because he didn’t want to do it, but because he knew it would take a ton of effort. but as expected, he loved doing it once he started. so he sat on the floor for six full hours, not moving a centimeter, working on that essay. no water breaks, no bathroom, no food. nothing. just the essay. hyperfixation.

for some bizarre reason that james would forever wonder, he always needed the pressure of failure or a competition / deadline to focus and get things done.

when it comes to regular tasks, he preferred to finish bigger tasks in one sitting, even though it rarely happened. but with smaller tasks, he would alternate, they’d get boring way too fast

and before actually starting said big task, james would feel paralyzed. he would be too overwhelmed to do anything. he’d just sit on the couch, and do nothing. because if he couldn’t do that task, he couldn’t do anything else. he just gets to sit there and worry about it. he hated it.

james struggled to wait for his turn. he knew it was rude to interrupt people, he knew he should be quiet when someone was talking, but he just couldn’t. before he’d even process what had happened, he’d cut someone off, mid-sentence, and say what he wanted to say, only to apologize afterwards.

body doubling. james always needed someone in the room with him as he worked or did anything really, as it helped him focus and complete the task faster, without getting distracted. just sitting in the same room would help

james constantly used anecdotal communication. he thinks he’s comforting others when he does this. but usually, they just get mad as they often think he’s trying to invalidate their struggles, when he’s only trying to make them feel better. he’s trying to show them that they’re not alone

“i’ve been failing divination and i don’t know what to do,” someone would tell him. “i’m failing divination too! really horribly! mate, i even get extra homework and stuff! it honestly sucks, you know? all the extra work doesn’t even help!” and that’s when the person thinks that he’s only trying to talk about himself.

his mind and thoughts were always faster than his mouth and hands. when writing, he’d skip words, or end up writing in a horrible handwriting. when reading aloud, he’d stutter and mix words up, since his mind was reading faster than his mouth was speaking.

everything. was. in. slow. motion. why did everyone talk so slowly? why couldn’t they talk faster? walk faster? just be faster.

james hated the way polyester felt. he couldn’t touch it. there was no way in hell you could get him to put a polyester jumper or jacket on. no. get it away. when he’d touch it, he’d feel like his hands were dirty, and immediately had to wash them

often during classes he would zone out, sometimes aware of it. his eyes would bore into the wall, as he stared into nothingness, his mind racing.

he loved to daydream. though it usually happens out of nowhere, as his thoughts drift, he enjoyed it. he loved to imagine himself fighting off aliens or winning the house cup.

he was the most impulsive perosn youd ever meet. if he felt like jumping into the black lake with his robes on, he would do it and there’s nothing you can do about it.

james had comfort items. a teddy bear he would never get rid of, one he had since he was a new born, and a gryffindor quidditch hoodie that was a tad bit too big for him. he’d wear that hoodie every single day if he could, and he could never fall asleep without the teddy bear.

james had adhd. living with it might’ve not been the easiest, but it made him him. and in his own way, he loved it, even if it got really really hard sometimes

#james potter #adhd #undiagnosed adhd #prongs #remus lupin #sirius black #marauders #marauders era #james potter & adhd #moony #padfoot #gryffindor

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undead-merman · 4 years ago

Note

this is the yan monster luci and satan requester, not a poly relationship, but just like a mutual agreement that they don't want any low life demon going near their s/o

Okay I’ve got Lucifer as a Manticore and Satan as a Sphinx. I love writing these, its a shame I can’t write these faster.

🦁Manticore Lucifer🦁 🦁Sphinx Satan🦁 as Yanderes GN- Reader SFW

Lucifer

Appearance

As a manticore his appearance is fearsome and even his presence is enough to make most others turn tail and run. His mouth is full of too big teeth, some of the long canines poking past his stern frown.

He has small hands that are more paw-like, with razor sharp claws at the end of them. He has paw pads on the tips of each of his fingers, and 3 small pads on his palms. Unlike normal paws, he does have a thumb and surprising dexterity with them.

Along his forehead and temple he has small black horns, they’re perfectly symmetrical which is unusual for a chaotic creature like himself. On top of his head, past his horns are two lion ears that twitch and turn to even the softest noises.

On the back of his neck, down his spine, are small quills tipped with a viscous venom. He is able to flatten them against his body to make them flat for his clothes many of his kind have spots open in their clothing for their spines to poke out, but Lucifer does not have have that in his clothing, He only has a spot open for his large, slightly torn bat like wings.

His tail is long and ends with a red tipped scorpion stinger, quills randomly set along it. It normally hangs low and curls up to avoid knocking things over.

His true form is like that or a normal manticore but with piercing yet silky and shiny black fur and bright glowing blood red eyes.

The Undefeatable Beast

Manticores have a reputation of being mighty beasts unable to be slain by any man, but there are rumors of some being slain. Lucifer, one of the oldest and most powerful has never been bested. Every opponent he’s ever faced has perished and only the surviving onlookers have been able to tell the tale.

His viciousness is renown all over the devildom; while he acts like a gentleman whose temper is always under wraps, he’s quiet vengeful and easy to anger. He doesn’t like to show it, he lets it simmer until he can get his revenge.

His appetite is ravenous and loves to have barely cooked meat served elegantly. He doesn’t like it raw as it feels barbaric and he enjoys the finery of life, but if he needs to he doesn’t mind eating anyone until not even the blood is left.

He does have a vulnerable side however, as since he’s that of lion and Scorpion he needs to sunbathe in order to be in top condition if he doesn’t he’s sluggish, but more brutal. Since there's no sun in the devildom he uses a light to warm himself as he lays on his sides. He looks surprisingly peaceful when warming up.

Spending Time with You

The one thing he can’t defeat, is you. He has such a soft spot for you that he is willing to do anything you ask. Giving him your big doe eyed look makes his monstrous face scrunch up and flush at you. He really can’t say no to you.

His favorite thing in the world is to lay down with you in the warm light, looking up at you as the light engulfs you and all he can see is your smiling face. He loves it when you go to run your finger through his hair or pet him. His wings shiver when you do that and his spines do as well before tightly flatting against his skin allowing you to touch him without getting poked at all,

He is fiercely protective over you. He snaps at anyone who touches you and stands behind you as someone talks to you, his icy glare focused intensely on the person you're talking with.

He loves to take you to enjoy elegant food, sights and sounds. His favorite place to take you is the opera, he loves to listen to the soft gentle melodies as he takes your hand into his.

His Dark Tendencies

Lucifer does not like others interacting with you. Should you defend another person from him too much he’ll start to get insecure. He’ll think you're forgetting about him and falling in love with someone else, and he hates that. He’ll take you even if you struggle and lock you up and keep you to himself until he feels you’ve forgotten about the other. Of course his opponent would be dealt with swiftly, and painfully.

He loves seeing you locked up, it makes the dark monster instincts churr in delight. Completely at his whims, of course he’d never hurt you too much. Should you make him angry or god forbid you try to escape, he’ll punish you by applying constant pain without actually hurting you. Painfully clamping your skin more and more until you go mad and beg him to stop. But if you made him truly angry you’ll be lashed and whipped until he feels better making you count each one out loud.

After Punishments he’s overly sweet, he’ll kiss every bruise and cut, and look at it so tenderly as he whispers about how good you are for him and how much he loves you. But he’ll graze his razor sharp teeth over your sensitive bruises just to remind you to never do it again.

Misc Stuff

When he’s extremely relaxed around you, he will let out a purr though, it’s a deep inhumane noise so deep that it shakes your chest if you’re near. He gets embarrassed if you mention it to him.

He greets those he’s close to by pressing his forehead against theirs. He does this with you, cupping your cheeks and smiling as he does it; with his Brothers and Diavolo it’s a simple tap, but with others he only nods his head. If he doesn’t like someone he simply just stares at them without blinking, glaring into them with fury.

He wants you to smell like him all the time but he gets a bit flustered about doing it. He’ll scent you by rubbing his palms, wrist and cheeks on you while you sleep or aren’t paying attention while cuddling. He feels like a tomcat when he does it but he can’t help it.

Satan

Appearance

His body is more centaur like, with the lower body of a giant winged lion. His fur is a lustrous blonde and gold color and his lower abdomen is large and bulky with thick skin and muscle.

His wings spread wide and are tipped in shimmering gold that shines in any light. The wings which are just under his humanoid hip have a blonde and gold fur, thick and volumes. While most of his mane is centered on his hips, it does have a trail of it going up his spine and shoulder blades.

Two lion ears sit on his scalp of much longer hair then normal, tied loose with a lime green ribbon. His ears constantly moving back and forth betraying his hidden emotions. They flick at nearby noise, or something that interests him, and lay flat when angry or embarrassed.

A Guardian Creature

Sphinx are mostly known for their stories of guarding treasures and tombs. A protective species and loyal to a fault. Satan is just like others of his kind, He focuses his attention to his collection of books and scrolls. Very solemnly does he allow anyone to come near his collection let alone trusts them to borrow from it.

He’ll never admit to it, but he has a lot of the same habits that Lucifer does. He enjoys lazing under a bright warm light, and your gentle strokes on him. He even purrs just like Lucifer too.

He seeks out riddles he cannot solve, he’s said to befriend those who tell him a riddle he can’t solve. He craves to expand his knowledge and find truly intelligent and wise creatures.

Spending Time with You

You had thrown him through a loop when you were given the quest to find a riddle he couldn’t solve and gave him a cheesy dad joke. Never has someone even attempted anything like that. It fascinated him and he quickly became obsessed with you.

He enjoys seeing your point of view on all kinds of topics. He’ll bring you a gift and ask for a discussion on it. He loves hearing your voice talk about the gift he got you and your thoughts on the history behind it. It stimulates such a deep part of his brain that he’s become addicted to it and he nearly brings you one everyday.

He also enjoys stupid fun. Stuff that he doesn’t have to think about too much, he finds it deeply relaxing, though he dares not let anyone but you see it.

If you ask he’ll let you pet his soft feline pads, he’ll get all flustered and squirmy with you rubbing and massaging them. They’re so soft and pink, but while you're doing that he gets to feel your hands in his paws and to him they’re the softest thing he’s ever felt.

His Dark Tendencies

Satan is so deeply infatuated with you, he simply wants to be around you constantly, never letting you out of his grasp. He, of course, loves to bring you small, cute gifts so he can see your face heat up and you look so happy, but a dark sadistic side of him loves to see you scared. The tears dripping down your face and your eyes shoot open with terror behind it. He’ll always be there to comfort you right after but a sick part of him loves to see you like that.

If you ever tried to hide from him or try to run, he would quickly catch you with a dead, unloving, and dark face. He’d carry you back, tie you up and humiliate you, force you to eat out of a cat bowl, and spank you till your rear is black and blue. He always grins from ear to ear when he sees you limping after.

He loves chaining you up and listening to you read to him. He likes playing with the chain as you read and he always complements how it looks on you.

Misc Stuff

Ashamedly he is much like a cat at heart. He finds himself a lot of time chasing bugs and chattering at birds in class. He’s so embarrassed by it that he threatens anyone who brings it up, if not clawing them in half on the spot.

He sits like a cat does, his lower body having its paws tucked in on themselves as he reads. He often falls asleep like this too, his humanoid body frozen while the bottom one is all curled up in a tight ball.

Unlike Lucifer’s more refined palette Satan can eat whatever it is put in front of him, fresh or dressed, it does matter at all, but he doesn’t eat a lot for someone his size.

Dealing with Interferences Together

Dealing with each other was nearly unbearable, but having another one in on the fear competition was unacceptable to both of them. With the two of them they could control the scenarios you were in, keep you at least near them. But having an unknown contestant was dangerous. What if They tried to touch you? Kiss you? So what they’ve done to keep you around them, the carnage they’ve left behind to scare you away from them.

Whenever someone threatened that, they agreed to quickly and quietly deal with this before you even noticed They were gone. Stalking them and finding the perfect time to strike, when together it was deathly quiet, none of them talked and the tension was so thick you’d need a chainsaw to cut through it. They would get into fights fairly often due to them bragging about the time spent with you.

They hate working together, but they do work terribly well together as well. They get everything done quickly and without a trace. Their go-to is to kidnap the offender and bring them to a private room and take any frustration they got while working together and take it out on them. Those who go into that room never come back out. After everything is taken care of they’re right back to fighting with each other for you.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me monster headcanons #lucifer x reader #satan x reader #yandere lucifer #yandere satan

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softyoongiionly · 4 years ago

Text

Portraits of a Tiger|| 01

Legends of a great and equally terrifying warrior nicknamed the Tiger have been emerging from your fellow villagers for quite sometime. Stories of his skill, his stealth and his supposed wickedness have been passed around to the point where he is more prophecy than person. You have lived your life with a strong sense of conviction, rarely letting gossip influence your opinion. However, you would be lying if you said that his legacy didn’t intrigue you. When the Tiger and his infamous army arrive in your village to refuel, you come face to face with the man behind the myth.

And no amount of marketplace gossip would ever be enough to capture the true complexity of his nature.

Pairing: Merchant! Reader x Warrior! Yoongi

Genre: Adventure, Romance, Smut (later), Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 12k

Warnings: language, depictions of violence both verbal and physical however they are fairly mild, mentions of war and power dynamics, there will be smut in future parts so, (18+ only please).

Current Tag List: @bulletproofbirdy @gldnrecs @naajix @bluewhale52 @nikkikenji @lustedkisses

A/N: oh okayyyyy HELLO!!! Its here!!! Warrior! Yoongi is finally emerging from the depths of my writer blocked brain and I am SO happy you get to meet him. Once again, this series will be posted in parts just as Mama Mia! is and it may not necessarily follow a linear timeline.

Also, I know I mentioned her in the tag list post but, SERIOUSLY you guys this story would not be possible without my wonderful friend @bulletbroofbirdy aka Rachel who has literally spent so much time dreaming up with wonderful universe with me. My sweet angel, you are the greatest in the world and I love you. Please go follow Rachel and send her all the love in the universe and thank her for her genius brain because, without her, this fic wouldn’t exist.

War.

It’s not an uncommon occurrence where you’re from.

The ever-present shifting of the borderlines is a constant reminder of the struggle for power.

Many see it as a valiant effort, a noble cause...

But, war is something that doesn’t appeal to you.

It doesn’t sit right with your perspective on the world.

Sure, you understand it’s strengths and why it could be seen as necessary.

However, the consequences of war, of violence- never seem to be worth it.

Death.

It’s not an uncommon occurrence where you’re from.

When war is constantly raging on the background, it should be expected.

It should be normal.

To most of your district, it is.

To you?

Every single rise in the death toll sends icy despair into your heart.

Every drop of blood spilled feels as though it’s your own.

You’re desperate to find the solution for peace but, you know it’s not that simple.

Man is never content.

The struggle for power is never ending.

As you grow up, you learn to adapt.

Learning a trade is the easiest way to establish yourself so, you take up knitting and medicine.

You sell your wears and remedies in the market every other day and spend your off days replenishing the stock that you sold.

Your parents live comfortably but in order for them to do so, you’re in the market for hours on end.

Today starts as any other.

You’re gathering your wears in your family’s home as the sun is beginning to peak over the mountains.

The colors it throws through your window are breathtaking and, if you weren’t so exhausted, you’d be able to enjoy them a bit more.

Thankfully, your preparations don’t wake your parents as they sleep soundly in their bed.

You wish for nothing more than for them to be at peace every chance they get.

They have sacrificed so much.

The market displays its usual scenery.

The fishermen are always first setting up their catches from the evening prior, the butchers are hanging up their kills from the overnight hunt whilst the farmers arrange seasonal produce on their carts...

You always have your cart near the end of the market.

It’s easier for people to think about softer things such as knitted blankets or healing elixirs once they’ve purchased their food.

Thankfully, business is decent.

Your wares are well-made and your elixirs have an exceptional success rate.

The prices are fair so you attract all walks of life but, you focus more on serving the lower class folk such as yourself.

One of the fisherman, who you’ve grown acquainted with over the last few months, nods to your cart as you’re setting it up.

“What do you have today __?”

With a smile, you hold up a mauve woolen blanket which you’ve spent nearly two weeks on.

“This is the item of the day. I used a root dye to get the color- what do you think?”

He purses his lips, nodding in consideration, “I’m sure someone will snag that right away. It looks warm. It will be very useful over the next few months. Do you have any of that uh- “ Lowering his voice, he cranes his neck to assess whether or not any of his team can hear him, “ginseng mixture that you sold to me last week?”

You bite back a smirk as you nod towards the woven basket containing your various medicines, “I do. I made a new batch last night. Did you need some?”

A rapid nod is sent your way along with a handful of coins, “Thanks. It worked wonders last time. My wife sends her gratitude.”

Your cheeks heat up immediately but given that you’ve heard worse things in the market place, you merely giggle and file your payment away.

Ginseng is a natural stimulant that you often recommend to men experiencing issues with sex or fertility. Whilst you completely stand by its effectiveness, you won’t deny that it’s slightly awkward working with the men you’ve helped. Especially since they often insist on loudly announcing how many times they had sex the night before.

The rest of the setup goes smoothly and by the time the sun fully takes its place in the sky, you are ready for the market to open.

As your adjusting the sign on the front of your cart, you hear an interesting bout of conversation ignite in front of you

“Did you hear? The Royal Army is arriving today to refuel.”

“You’re lying. Are you serious? Do they- do you think they have him with them?”

“Of course! They aren’t stupid enough to travel without him. They’d be ambushed immediately.”

“Yah, what are you talking about?”

“The Tiger. He’s coming through town today.”

Instantly, your heart stalls in your chest.

You try your best to appear unbothered but, it doesn’t stop the panic from seeping into your bones.

The Tiger and the fleet of warriors he oversees are well-known in your village.

Word of mouth is truly a powerful mechanism for spreading information and, stories of The Tiger had been circulating for quite sometime.

They started out simply depicting a powerful new recruit into the Royal Army.

Despite his initial inexperience, The Tiger quickly rose through the ranks due to his otherworldly fighting skills.

According to the rumors, The Tiger was known for his silent destruction.

By the time his enemies could grasp what was happening, The Tiger and his men had already completed their mission.

They had already killed, maimed or destroyed whatever they were after.

A recent success had led to The Tiger becoming the General of the largest fleet in the Royal Army.

From what you had gathered, he wasn’t much older than you so the fact that he essentially lead an entire army is quite impressive.

However, given the stories of his cruel and cold blooded nature, it makes a lot of sense.

“I heard he beheads the enemy general on the battlefield after he wins...”

“I heard he killed 3,000 men all on his own in the middle of a thunderstorm!”

“I heard he keeps a viper on him at all times and he sets it loose on anyone he disobeys him!”

“I heard that he never sleeps.”

“Do you think he’ll come here? Would he be seen out in public like that?”

“Why wouldn’t he? He has nothing to fear, there isn’t a single soul in this village who could take him on.”

“Plus, he never travels alone. He’ll have his men with him.”

With a snort, you continue displaying your cart as normal and, only then do you realize that you stand out amongst the other merchants.

Every single one of them has an offering for the warriors.

It’s not customary to do so and, you’re only viable guess is that it has something to do with the market fawning over this tiger character.

“Were we supposed to put something out?” You murmur to the woman beside you, brows knitting in confusion.

She chuckles heartily, “When a normal fleet enters, no. We usually just offer them food and the resources we can spare.” A bit of excitement flashes through her eyes as she adjust the basket of radishes on her cart, “However, this is no ordinary fleet. I suggest you put something out too dear, that pretty face of yours could land you husband on the Tiger’s army, any one of his men would be a worthy mate. They aren’t shooting blanks like my husband over here!”

Her body jostles with laughter as she shoves her hand up against the man beside her, who looks whole-heartedly unamused.

“Jane, please...” He grumbles

You can’t help the grimace that comes across your face when Jane mentions finding a husband but, it’s quickly replaced with a mixture of amusement and sympathy.

“I have something for that.” You offer in a hushed tone and, the man seems to unfurl from his submissive position as he offers a meek smile.

“You do?”

You don’t have time to answer him before the mood of the market shifts into quiet chaos.

“I think they’re coming!” The fisherman whispers frantically, adjusting the sign on his cart for the millionth time.

As much you hate to give in to the hype, you feel compelled to go with the flow and, put something out for the warriors.

You settle on a basket of your most popular anti-inflammatory ailment that’s proven to be quite effective amongst your customers.

The long strips of white wood are haphazardly placed into a woven basket as you brace your ears for the piercing sound of trumpets.

Magnificent as the musicians in your village are, the blaring cacophony of noise is far from something you wish to be apart of this early in the morning.

However, the noise never comes.

The gates open up as normal as a reasonable size crowd begins meandering throughout the market.

You turn towards Jane with confusion painting your features, “Where’s the music?”

Jane is adjusting her radishes once again, glancing eagerly towards the crowd of people, “The Tiger does not allow fanfare of any kind. A far away village defied his orders once and played for him and his fleet anyway and- well...” She smirks bemusedly, “it didn’t end well for them, so we respect his wishes.”

Your eyes widen at that as you nod, swallowing back any fear that threatens to crawl up your throat.

“Got it.”

The usual slew of customers begin filing in and as business begins to pick up, you slowly forget about the famous warriors that were to enter.

Roughly, an hour later, your basket of willow bark remains untouched and, you begin to consider putting it back in its normal place. This particular bark is quite annoying to obtain and you don’t feel great about giving it away to some warrior after you’ve spent hours trying to procure it.

However, as you glance at other offering baskets, you notice that some of them have been emptied.

This means of course that either your fellow merchants put their offerings away or, the warriors are already in the market.

A strange and unsettling feeling washes over you at the thought of deadly warriors perusing throughout town. You expected that they would be recognizable, especially given their reputation but, nothing seems to give away their presence.

As a paying customer leaves your cart with an armful of various items, you notice something that normally doesn’t garner your attention: hair.

You see it amongst the crowd, peeking over the tops of heads.

It’s a shimmering icy platinum and it’s tied up atop a strangers head with a beaded string. It moves throughout the crowd slowly, stopping at various points, likely exchanging words with another merchant before you finally make out the face it belongs to.

A man dressed in cotton linens maneuvers out of the crowd, dark eyes scanning his surroundings almost anxiously. As he moves closer to you, you’re able to fully take in his features.

Pointed and smooth, his face is the epitome of contradiction.

Deep brown eyes, rounded button-nose, pouty lips and strong eyebrows adorn his face whilst his rather large hand flexes instinctually towards the object hanging off of his hips.

It’s a sword.

This man certainly isn’t a civilian.

Unfortunately, you’re unable to ignore the beauty he possesses. He is quite ethereal once you get a closer look at him; you don’t think you’ve ever seen another person that looks quite like him.

As he speaks with the fisherman, your ears perk up to in an attempt to hear the sound of his voice.

Faintly, you can discern a bit of rasp and calculation in his tone but, you aren’t able to absorb it over the sound of the market.

Its then you realize that you’ve been staring at this stranger for far too long and, if you’re ever going to meet your quota today, you need to avoid distractions.

You sell another one of your blanket moments later, increasing your daily total by a reasonable amount. Making blankets is enjoyable yes but, it’s extremely time consuming so it feels good when someone rewards you for your hard work.

“Please have some radishes! They’re grown in top soil from the northern region! It gives them a certain uh- “ Jane’s shrill voice pulls your attention towards her cart which now brandishes a new visitor: the stranger with the blonde hair.

You're realizing that Jane is pausing mid-sentence because, she is desperately looking to you for answers.

You've assisted Jane with her produce before as she was having trouble with the flavor of some of her vegetables. This was mainly due to the fact that she had been using the wrong kind of fertilizer but, you had also given her several tips to improve the overall taste of her produce.

“A certain crunch...” You finish for her, stabilizing your tone as you brave a glance towards the man. “The mixture of the soils helps with the texture.”

His feline gaze rushes towards you at the sound of your voice, as if he wasn’t expecting you to speak.

At the sight of you, his lips part momentarily before quickly sealing in a tight lipped smile which directs toward Jane.

“Thank you.” He nods toward her as he takes one of the radishes and tucks it into the pocket of his linen pants.

“Of course! Um thank you- sir for your...services...” She stutters and it’s then you notice that she hasn’t made eye contact throughout the entirety of their conversation.

A bit of discomfort flashes through his eyes but otherwise, he merely grunts in acknowledgement.

Jane’s comment is the last bit of confirmation you need that this man is indeed a warrior.

However, his reaction to her words strikes you as odd. Warriors rarely shy away from gratitude. They are often proud and boastful regarding their positions but, he seems to be bothered by what she said.

The man never looks back at Jane as he makes his way to the next cart. Every so often, you notice him looking over his shoulder or glancing towards the entrances/exits of the market. His presence doesn’t necessarily make you uneasy but, his behavior sure does.

He acts as though he is in danger.

It puts you on edge but, you direct your attention back to the customer in front of you.

“Good morning.” You smile, “Anything catch your eye?”

The man cards a hand through his salt and pepper hair as he leans over your cart, eagerly scanning the items you have on display.

“Eh do you have anything for dry skin? With winter around the corner, I gotta start thinking about this old skin of mine. The wind does a lot of damage on my knuckles.”

“You know what? I think I have just the thing...” You bend down to access the crate beneath your counter and grab a medium sized glass bottle, “This is an olive oil and honey treatment, it will treat dry skin immediately but, it’s meant to treat dry skin over a longer period of time too. I also-” You bend down once more to grab a tin of cocoa butter and place it on the counter top, “have this. This should help with daily wear and tear. You only need a little bit so this tin should last you through the winter.”

The man smiles eagerly and quickly reaches for his pockets before he freezes. You don’t notice until you look up from your counter but, the platinum haired warrior is back and, he’s standing right behind your customer.

“O-Oh go ahead, go ahead. I uh- I'll go next...” The man stutters, gesturing frantically to your cart.

With a quirked brow the warrior moves to step in front of him until you raise your hand.

“No sir, it’s ok. You’re in the middle of a transaction.” You insist, eyeing the warrior sternly, “I’ll be with you in a moment.”

The immediate crowd surrounding your cart seems to pause, nervously glancing towards the warrior who merely nods and steps back into place.

The shock is apparent on the faces of the crowd but you ignore it and send a reassuring smile towards your customer, “Ok, that will be 11.50 and-” You slide a bundle of rosemary towards him, “take this too, on the house. Brew it in some hot water to aid digestion, winter food tends to be a bit harsher on the system.”

The man swallows nervously, dragging his items toward his chest, “Thank you—uh so much. Thank you.” He turns towards the warrior, directing his gaze towards his feet as he bows his head, “Thank you for your service...”

The man doesn’t allow the warrior time to respond before he rushes off back into the crowd but, you get the feeling that it wouldn’t matter regardless.

The warrior doesn’t seem interested in anyone’s gratitude.

“Let me know if you have any questions.” You nod your head towards him, pushing the basket with your offering towards the edge of the counter before busying yourself with putting a few things back in their place.

He says nothing but, he approaches the counter whilst his eyes shrewdly observe the ins and outs of your set up.

He’s even more striking up close. His smooth, tan skin is mostly unmarked except for the giant scar running down the center of his right eye. It goes up the center of his eyelid and disappears right above the center of his brow. It’s still red and angrily risen against his otherwise angelic looking face.

A warrior indeed.

The bit of people around your cart haven’t stopped their staring but, they are at least making an attempt to look like they aren’t paying attention. It doesn’t stop you from wishing that you didn’t have an audience.

“Tree bark?” He questions with an arch to his brow

You look towards the basket he’s gesturing to before returning your gaze back to his.

“White willow bark.” You correct, almost defensively and it cause his lips to twitch.

“Is this some kind of decoration?”

You shake your head, placing your fingers on the edge of the basket, “No. It’s meant to be chewed. It reduces inflammation. I figured it would be useful since I imagine you deal with muscle soreness quite often.”

He smirks, “Amongst other things yes,” With long elegant fingers, he points to the basket, “So- if I chew on this, I should feel relief from any pain I might be experiencing?”

An all too rapid nod comes from you as you continue your explanation, “Well it’s mainly used to treat pain in your muscles and joints. If you’re looking to treat other types of pain, I have other options...”

He shakes his head, his hair swishing to the side as he does, “This should do, thank you.”

You suspect that he’s done, given that the bark is (annoyingly) free and he’s only seemed to be interested in the offerings thus far so, he surprises you when he asks yet another question.

“Do you have any more of that salve?”

“Of course,” You offer him a smile now that the initial tension is starting to lift, “Did you want a big tin or small tin?”

He purses his lips in thought, looking towards his hands, “What do you recommend?”

Without a second thought, you step towards him and take one of his hands, bringing it closer to your face for inspection.

The man seems to freeze in place, eyes widening in absolute shock, his own limb betraying him as it goes limp.

His hand displays evidence of the life he lives.

Rough, calloused and blistered...

His nails are bitten down to a point that almost looks painful but, the thing that stands out the most is how beautiful his hand is to you.

The strength in his skin is palpable and the indigo veins protruding against his hand are a firm reminder of what he is likely capable of.

What you don’t notice however, is the utter panic that flushes across his face or the way his eyes dart nervously between you and his hand.

Just as you would during any consultation, you briefly run your fingers over the palm of his hand and up the length of each of his fingers

“Hmm I would recommend the big tin, I think...you have a lot of rough spots but the skin between your callouses is quite smooth so,” You carefully set his hand back onto the counter and return your eyes back to his, “what that tells me is that your skin is roughened by your environment rather than by an actual lack of moisture.” You slide the big tin towards him, “Apply this to the dryer areas as needed throughout the day but, every night before you go to bed, make sure to put this on. Sleeping with it will allow it to seep into your skin and heal the dryness over time.”

The warrior’s eyes are transfixed on you and for a moment he is completely speechless, his hand lingering on the counter before hurriedly places them back at his side.

He can’t understand you and why you just touched him.

But what’s worse, is he can’t understand why his mouth is suddenly dry.

Or why his skin is on fire...

Or why his heart is thrashing around in his chest.

He clears his throat and nods, “Very good. I’ll be sure to follow your instructions.” He sticks the hand you didn’t touch into his pocket, fishing around for something, “What’s my total?”

“That will be 3.50.” You say with a smile, holding out your hand.

He dispenses his payment into your palm before stowing his items away in his free pocket.

“Thank you.” He grunts, the hand you touched still kind of awkwardly lingering away from his body.

Was he going to wash it as soon as he got the chance?

Did you smell weird?

“Of course, have a nice day. Safe travels.” With a wave, you send him off, missing the small smile that momentarily appears on his face.

You’re genuinely relieved that the encounter is over but, you’d be lying if you said that it didn’t intrigue you.

Before you’re able to get your bearings and move on, Jane is rushing over to you frantically.

“What on Earth was that??? Do you know him??? Why didn’t you tell me you knew him?!” She swats your arm, her eyes wide with incredulity.

“Ow!” You grip your arm, “What are you talking about?”

The man has already disappeared back into the crowd but, you’re still attempting to keep your voice at a reasonable level.

Jane does not follow suit.

“You just put your hands on the Tiger!” Jane shrieks causing you to recoil in response, “He could kill you for that! What were you thinking?”

“He’s going to kill me because I touched his hand?” Your brow arches in amusement, as your lips threaten to smile, “I had no idea who he was Jane, I was just helping a paying customer.”

She doesn’t like your answer and quickly swats your arm again, “Y/N this is not a joke! He’s a dangerous man. I nearly fainted when you looked him in his eyes but, then you touched him and-”

“Jane, that’s enough.” The fisherman hisses, gesturing wildly to the crowd of people, “You’re making a scene and he’s still out here somewhere.”

She huffs her hands rushing to smooth out the apron over her dress before rushing a finger into your face, “You won’t be laughing if he shows up at your house with a sword in your face. You need to be careful.”

You smirk at this but otherwise comply, not wishing to fire her up any further, “Thank you for your concern Jane, I’ll make sure to carry my sword around too, you know, just in case.”

Jane snorts then and rolls her eyes, scurrying back to her cart and mumbling something along the lines of:

“That mouth is going to get you killed...”

You can’t help but giggle.

There’s no doubt that the man you just spoke to was a warrior and, maybe he was some almighty warrior but he other than an intense staring problem, he didn’t scare you at all.

Thankfully, business is booming for the remainder of the day and although you’re thrilled at the money you’ll be taking home, you aren’t looking forward to all the replenishing you have to do.

The last order of business before heading home is picking a few things for your parents and grabbing the last of the steamed buns for your best friend.

Rachel has lived beside you ever since you can remember. The two of you spent most of your childhood running around the village, causing mini bouts of chaos everywhere you went. Despite the challenges life had brought the both of you, you grew together rather than apart.

Rachel is the village’s most treasured teacher and she’s been running the school for the past few years. She’s kind of the best and, you have a feeling she’ll be interested to hear about the rather interesting events that had transpired over the course of your day.

As you turn down the dirt path towards her home, you start to wonder where the Tiger and his fleet would be staying.

Your village wasn’t run-down but it wasn’t exactly luxurious by any standards.

The rubble near the beginning of the street along with the various empty wooden barrels doesn’t exactly count as décor and, the occasional drunken argument outside the village’s tavern certainly doesn’t add any class to the area but, its home.

Rachel's house is easy to spot amongst the rest of the street as it’s the only one completely covered in plants.

She’s had a love of greenery for quite sometime and, it’s amongst the many things you two bond over.

Adjusting the bag on your shoulder, you immediately reach for the handle and use all your weight to shove the front door open.

Rachel is sitting on her sofa and despite the fact that she was expecting you, she still jumps at the sound.

“Oh my goodness!” She exclaims “Have you ever heard of knocking???”

You giggle but otherwise ignore her and lean against the door dramatically, “Rachel, you better get one last look at me because, this might be the last time you ever see me.”

She laughs lightly and folds her arms, “What did you do this time? Did you call the apothecary a fraud again?” Wiggling her fingers, she reaches out for the snacks your holding.

“Ok first of all, he is a fraud but no....it’s much much worse.” You shove the snacks into her awaiting hands before flopping down on the armchair, “I touched a man’s hand...”

She freezes, the bun lingering near her mouth, “Alright, now I am officially curious, why is hand touching worse?”

You smirk, “I touched...the Tiger’s hand” You point a finger at her quickly as her lips part, “Before you even make the joke, no it wasn’t a real tiger...it was THE tiger.”

Rachel snorts with laughter before going wide-eyed in shock, “You...wha--the Tiger? THE Tiger??? You TOUCHED the Tiger?!!?!? What were you thinking?!? Oh my god, did he bite? Wait, focus, Rachel---Why did you touch the Tiger?!?”

Whilst she’s rambling on you burst out in a fit of giggles, snuggling back against the chair, “He came to my cart looking for a good salve for his hands. All I did was do an assessment as I normally do to see what he needed. I don’t understand why everyone is freaking out...he seemed pretty harmless to me.”

She leans forward on the couch, “Harmless? He seemed...harmless?!?” She whispers frantically, “He has personally slain hundreds of men with those very hands!!!

“Why are we whispering?...”

Rachel returns to normal volume, rolling her eyes “Fine. More like thousands if you count how many his army has obliterated. And you just pawed at him--are you insane? He has killed people for less! At least that’s what the rumors say.”

You keep giggling, completely unfazed as you make yourself at home, “The rumors also say that he killed an entire village because they played their trumpets for him. I don’t know how credible these rumors are.”

“Well....what was he like then? You cannot drop this information on me and not give me every detail.” She insists, gesturing wildly at you before leaning back and sipping from her mug.

“Uh he was fine. I mean- he was normal I guess, I don’t know. He has really long hair, its blonde- like really blonde. He looks young, way younger than I thought he’d be. He has a big scar over his eye. Jane was practically drooling over him...”

Realization crosses Rachel’s face as she watches you intently. She relaxes back into her chair as a knowing smile spreads across her face, “Ohhhh young, blonde, mysterious...Jane must really HAVE been drooling. Seems like she’s not the only one, though...”

“I mean- the fisherman guys were pretty excited too I guess. I don’t know what the big deal is honestly, I know he’s supposed to be good on the battlefield but they were treating him like he was some kind of king or something.” You narrow your eyes “Are you suggesting I was drooling over him? Because I definitely wasn’t...I even told him to wait his turn in line.” You insist, shifting around on the chair.

Rachel crosses her legs dramatically, steeping her fingers as she observes you, “Was that before or after you found out he was handsome? Hmm?” She smirks again, holding her hands up innocently, “I am implying nothing, I am just NOTICING that you are definitely affected by him. I haven’t seen you impressed by....well, anyone.”

She’s not wrong.

“Hey hey whoa...who said anything about impressed?? I’m not impressed. I’m not impressed at all.”

Rachel eyes you suspiciously”...right...not impressed at all. Well, did you at least hear anything about them? Any word on how long the army will be here? We’ve got to be the safest village in the country as long as they are in town.” Suddenly, she facepalms in realization, “My students will be so distracted as long as they are here.”

“Not impressed. He’s just a man with a scar and sword...” You insist, twiddling your thumbs “I guess they are just refueling, I’m not sure how long they will be here. Jane told me I need to watch my back so, hopefully not for long...” You giggle again, thinking of how excited the schoolchildren will be now that the legendary Tiger is in town, “maybe you can make an assignment out of it...”

She stares off into space for a moment and mutters, “that’s not a bad idea...we could get outside, maybe a soldier could come speak to them? There’s got to be at least one that’s not terrifying?...” Rachel shakes her head, unimpressed with your lack of understanding, “Just a man with a scar and sword—he is the most feared military leader of our generation! And I wouldn’t worry TOO much about watching your back. After all—none of the legends involve the Tiger killing civilians, do they? At the very least his presence here means good business for the village. If you can get the Tiger as a repeat customer I can only imagine the profits you’ll turn at that little stall!” She muses, laugh heartily, “Buy the salve that soothed a beast! I can hear the gossip already...”

You point a finger at her, “I like the way you think. If you ever want to stop educating and enriching the minds of our youth and be my business partner, let me know...” Suddenly the humor within you dissipates as the reality of your situation seems to sink in, “You don’t think I should be worried though right?”

Rachel lets out a short laugh, “Thanks for the offer...” She shakes her head, “As far as this Tiger business is concerned...I don’t think your safety is under any threat. How did he react when you touched him? Did he seem angry?”

“He just froze...” You recall, your eyes unfocusing slightly, “It was kind of weird honestly. I’ve never had anyone do that before. It’s pretty normal to get checked out during an apothecary visit. I guess I wasn’t supposed to look at him either but, how the hell am I supposed to do an exam if I can’t look at his face?”

“Hmmm...that is strange. I’ll be honest, I thought he would have scolded you or pulled away based on the stories. Unless...” Rachel slumps back against her sofa, her face relaxing into a smirk, “...he was just as surprised by you as you were of him.”

You wrinkle your nose, “Ew no. Definitely not.”

Rachel doesn’t look convinced but you continue nevertheless, suddenly wishing to change the subject.

“He looked nervous I guess- I don’t know. His hand just sort of hung there after I finished. Today was weird...anywayyy-” You nod to the dough between your palms, “How are the buns? Did anything interesting happen in the education world.”

“Oh three boys got in a worm eating contest and threw up on their practice parchment so I could go without that kind of interesting for awhile. The buns are transcendent as usual but you-” She narrows her eyes in your direction, “- are dodging. Why would a general be nervous around you hmm? You said he is young...is he also handsome?”

“Ah god I love kids...” You note with a giggle before shrugging, shrinking back into the chair, “I don’t know. Objectively he- he definitely wasn’t ugly.”

Rachel raises an eyebrow, “I sense there is more to it than that.”

“Fine. He was easily the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life. There! Are you happy now?” You grumble before dramatically staring off into the distance, “Oh to be murdered by the most handsome man alive...how romantic.”

This prompts a twinkling bout of laughter from Rachel who has finally finished the first of her many snacks, “I can think of worse ends my friend. Perhaps that was your only interaction? I am sure he is busy making preparations; too busy to be executing smart-mouthed apothecaries. I wouldn’t fret too much Y/N.”

With you sigh, you accept her analysis, sending a nod her way, “You’re probably right and, that’s probably for the best.” Despite the conviction in your tone, you can feel the disappointment on your face, “Thank you for calling my mouth smart.” You smirk before nodding toward the door, “I should probably head home. My father has a nasty cough and I seriously doubt he’s taken the medicine I left for him.”

Meeting you at the door, Rachel pulls you in for a big hug, “The smartest mouth in town- that's why I keep you around. Give your father my love and tell him, if he gives you a hard time—I will find out!”

You laugh, hugging her tightly, “The second smartest mouth in town...” You insist, “let’s do the tavern this weekend please. The children have been taking all your time and I miss my best friend!”

“Of course! No pack of tiny ruffians can get between me and a night out.”

You pat her shoulder gently before stepping out of the doorframe, “That’s right.” You smile, thankful to have someone like her in your life, “love you, have a good night.”

“Good night, sleep tight...” She sings, slowly closing the door, “don’t let the Tiger bite!” She laughs wildly before slamming the door shut to prevent your retaliation.

She’s a menace.

The walk back home is pleasant, the fall breeze nips at your skin through your sweater but, it feels refreshing against your flushed cheeks.

Your parents are asleep by the time you return home.

It’s common for you to arrive well past their bedtime but, despite your lack of contact, they still manage to make you feel loved.

On the kitchen table sits bowl of stew and freshly baked bread, along with a new blanket for the winter.

Your mom makes a fresh one everywhere with thicker fabric to combat the icy freeze of the winter climate. The stew will be cold but, your heart will be warm and your stomach will be full.

In truth, these are the only things that matter to you.

Living simple certainly has it’s drawbacks but overall, you are comforted by it. Your parents raised you to be thankful for the things you have and to only set your sights on obtaining things that truly matter to you. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have goals but, your parents have always stressed that external success can be fickle and, material possessions only take you so far.

Being content is truly priceless and, you’re thankful they instilled these values into you.

Climbing into bed, you allow your mind to wander to the man you met today.

You couldn’t quite understand the legend behind him. Not to say that he wasn’t worthy of such folklore but, it’s more so that you didn’t exactly understand the warnings behind it.

He didn’t seem scary.

Although, it’s possible his demeanor is something he uses along with his beauty.

It could be that the Tiger lives up his animal comparison.

Beautiful and deadly.

Village gossip shouldn’t keep you awake longer than necessary, you think, it’s time to rest up so that tomorrow’s work day doesn’t feel like a never-ending task.

With the sound of the whistling wind just outside your home, you slowly close your eyes and drift off to sleep.

Your plan for a peaceful nights rest is completely demolished when you feel the frantic hands of your mother shaking you awake.

“Y/N! Wake up! Wake up! Raiders- they are raiders outside, hurry!” She drags the covers off of you, “We have to go!”

In a haphazard blur, you spring to your feet and arm yourself with a few important possessions and your sword.

Your parents tow behind you as you make your way out of your home.

The village is in utter chaos; shouting, clanking metal, screaming, amber flames peaking out from above the rooftops.

You grab your mothers arm, keeping her close to you as you try your best to follow procedures.

Like most smaller villages, your area is equipped with a protocol that will ensure the least amount of damage if there were to be an invasion.

Collect the essentials and gather your loved ones

Arm yourself

Make your way to the town square; there is strength in numbers.

Allow the raiders to take what they want (with the exception of human lives)

Negotiate

Simple in theory but, rarely in practice.

It’s difficult to keep up with a protocol during times of intense stress.

Amidst the chaos, you see Rachel scrambling out of her house, with a bag slung over her shoulder.

You cry out for her, desperately hoping she will hear your voice over the madness,

“Rachel! Over here!”

With wide eyes, she reaches out for your mother’s hand, bowing her head to shield from any possible debris.

“The army is here, they will protect us.” Your father murmurs solemnly beside you, his face stoic and rid of any bit of positivity

This could end very badly.

The four of you rush into the town square, trying your best to remain calm throughout the screaming, back up against a wall. Your grip tightens on your mothers hand as you spot the tents of the armed guests currently residing in your village.

The raiders continue their plundering throughout the town accompanied by the sounds of glass breaking and shouting.

Suddenly, there is a different sound: the clanking of swords. Briefly, you can see glimpses of armor peeking out of homes, the sight causing your eyes to widen.

“Look!”

Rachel and your parents crane their necks to see what you’re pointing out as the sounds coming from within your village begin to change.

Grunting, groaning, more clanking swords and a bit of shouting shoot out of the main street like fireworks.

“Clear the path!” An unfamiliar voice shouts and it’s then you can see what’s going on.

The raiders have been captured thanks to the ominous group of tourists that arrived yesterday.

Oddly enough, you don’t even remember seeing them leave their tents and it makes you wonder how the hell they managed to move so quickly undetected.

There are several men, dressed in black and gold armor, dragging the raiders by their shirts to the center of town square. One of them is a tall, doe eyed looking man with shaggy brown hair and biceps that could likely snap a neck if they so desired. He has his sword to the back of one of the raiders who scuffles along on his knees to meet with the rest of his captured teammates.

As the rest of the soldiers file in, another leader of the troop, tall and equally broad, gestures to Bambi with the biceps.

“Jungkook-ah! Bring the leader to the center; let our general deal with him.”

Jungkook does just that, quickly the toe of his boot into the back of the raider and jerking his head to the center of the plaza, “You heard him- move.” He grunts and the raider reluctantly shuffles forward.

Your fellow villagers are reasonably alarmed but, they all seem to freeze in place as they watch the show unravel before them.

This is already more excitement than your village has had in ages and, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t eating it up.

The man who has now been identified as Jungkook, steps away from the raider, still pointing his sword at him, a smug smirk on his face, “You know for a master thief, you were far too easy to catch. Lucky for me, I made a bet with my brothers here that I would catch you in 10 minutes,” Jungkook walks back towards the man, entangling his fingers in the roots of his hair before tugging backwards, “, and according to the clock tower, it only took me 8.”

Beside you, Rachel seems to swallow back her surprise before subconsciously starting to fan her face,

“Goodness, he really is something huh?”

Despite the tense nature of the situation, her demeanor makes you giggle,

“Stop drooling over the calvary...”

She smacks you playfully which causes your father to shush both of you, a moment which reminds you of your schoolyard days.

A bit of immaturity is actually refreshing after the events of this morning.

“Jungkook-ssi,” A voice bellows throughout the plaza, sending a chill down your spine, “What have I told you about placing bets on our captors huh?”

As the voice grows louder, you see him: the Tiger, stepping out from the main street, his long platinum hair flowing freely in the wind. His hand brandishes a sword, one that most certainly possesses the ability to inflict some serious harm.

Sheepishly, Jungkook smirks, releasing the man’s hair roughly and stepping back to his original spot, his sword posing to strike.

“Sorry hyung, this one was just too easy. I saw him skirting the perimeter last night, I know it would be a sure win once I saw his technique.”

So that’s how the army was able to move so quickly; they already anticipated this attack.

The Tiger chuckles darkly, his eyes alight with pure delight, “Aish- what am I going to do with you people hm?”

He moves like his name; slow, deliberate, deadly- you know that you’re about to witness an execution and you aren’t sure if you can stomach the sight, even if these raiders deserve it.

Its your turn to swallow back your reaction to him which doesn’t go unnoticed by your best friend standing beside you.

“Now look who’s drooling...” She teases, giggling as you playfully shove your elbow into her side.

The crowd is dangerously still, hanging on each syllable the Tiger speaks whilst his men, six other soldiers roughly his size, watch intently.

The rest of the raider clan are being held captive by the remainder of the fleet, bowing their heads in shame and fear but, the leader seems unaffected by their defeat.

“You lot aren’t men.” The man spits, his accent thick, “you’re narcissistic little boys who like to play dress up. You’re cowards, hiding behind your swords, killing everything that stands in your way. You have no idea how the other half live. You have no honor.”

There are gasps throughout the crowd then as your village grows shocked at the way he’s spoken to the Tiger.

If you had any hope that this wouldn’t end violently, it’s been squashed by the time the leader finishes his sentence.

The Tiger however, merely chuckles again, a light smirk on his carnation lips,

“It’s odd that a man who earns his keep by stealing from others would have the authority to lecture my men and I about honor.” He kisses his teeth and slowly raises his sword to brush against the man’s cheek, “Look at all these poor people hm? You've terrified them. Your lack of intelligence isn’t their burden to bear now is it? But you have made it their problem; ripped them from their homes, terrorized their children, their livelihoods and, all because you’re too incompetent to learn your own trade.”

The Tiger’s words infuriate him and the next thing you know, he’s lunging off the ground towards the Tiger, a snarl arising on his mouth.

It prompts your hands to fly to your face and your feet to nearly trip over themselves as you brace for the inevitable fight.

But it doesn’t come.

With one swoop of his arm, the Tiger has the leader knocked to the floor and underneath his leather boot. Jungkook has reacted quickly as well, his arm raising in the air to slice his sword through the man’s body. With one twitch of his hand however, the Tiger stops Jungkook from following through,

“See? You can’t do things like that my friend. Because if you do, my big friend here with the sword will slice your greasy head in two.” The Tiger smirks again, before turning his head over his shoulder, “You folks wouldn’t want to spend the day cleaning blood of your beautiful plaza now would you?”

Overexcited villagers quickly shout various commentary at him,

“Kill him!”

“Cut his head off!”

“Make him pay!”

The Tiger chuckles once more, raising his brows as the man struggles beneath his boot, “Well, I guess you’re lucky they aren’t in charge of your punishment...” He looks up towards the remainder of his fleet, nodding his head at the other prisoners, “Namjoon, Jin: ensure that none of these men are here against their will. If the rest of you are here by choice, I suggest you make yourselves disappear into the forest before I allow these fine people to get ahold of you.”

Immediately, the Tiger’s fleet begin following his orders and take the men away towards their tents. As they walk out of the plaza, only Jungkook, the Tiger and the clan leader remain.

You notice Jungkook scan the crowd then, peering out at the eager faces watching the show he is willingly apart of. Very briefly but noticeably, his eyes land on your best friend and as they do, they seem to linger.

He looks curious, almost boyish in a way as his ways seem to memorize her face but before Rachel even realizes what’s going on, his eyes quickly return to the raider.

“If you’re going to kill me, just do it. Don’t be a coward, I can’t listen to you ramble any longer.” The man growls which prompts the Tiger to push his foot down a little harder upon his back.

“I’m not your executioner, thief. Your fate resides with the Queens.” He explains, matter of factly before jerking his head towards Jungkook, “Put him in the portable cell. I’ll send a notice to the council that we have a criminal that needs to be dealt with.”

Jungkook nods, eagerly crossing the bit of plaza and kneeling down to restrain the man with handcuffs.

He grips the chain linking them and heaves him upwards so he’s standing between the two men.

“I’ll hose him off first,” Jungkook wrinkles his nose in disgust, “I don’t want him stinking up our camp.”

“Fuck you-” The man spits, jerking his wrists in Jungkook’s grip which then causes the Tiger to raise his sword once again.

“Behave yourself, thief.” He commands, his eyes darkening for the first time, “I’m assuming if you’ve heard stories of my fleet, you are privy to the fact that we don’t miss our target. Please don’t give me a reason to live up to my name.”

With that, the two men drag off the clan leader towards the rest of their fleet, not bothering to look back at the dozens of people they just saved.

They ignore the applause, the gratitude, the pleas for them to return and feast.

You have to admit that you’re shocked.

The supposedly wicked and ruthless Tiger sure seems to have quite a bit of restraint and diplomacy.

“Did he- did he really just let him go? Unharmed?”

Rachel asks a very good question and it seems to be the one on your parents minds as well.

“It’s extremely odd. I was fully prepared to witness an execution, he would have been within his right.” Your father notes, his eyes still trained on the center of the plaza.

Generals have a certain level of freedom with the prisoners they choose to capture; they are expected to have good judgement and carry out punishments if necessary.

In essence, the Tiger had every bit of authority to end that mans life and, given that he an eager crowd behind him, it genuinely perplexes you.

“Organized raids come with an automatic life sentence, the leaders are usually executed within a few days of their trial.” Your mother notes and it’s then that Rachel notices your silence.

“Well I think it’s safe to say that you didn’t make it on his hit list. You can’t be worse than a lead raider...” She grins, knowing full well that your confusion also comes with an annoying amount of curiosity.

She also knows that you plan on finding a way to speak with him again.

And she is absolutely right.

--------------------------

“Should I say hi to Jungkook for you? Ask if he’s betrothed?” You tease and Rachel promptly throws balled up dress your way.

You went to her house after the excitement in the town square to bake a batch of fresh bread for the Tiger’s fleet.

Bread is increasingly hard to come by these days due to a crop shortage in the northern region so despite what people may think, most military diets consist of salted meat and corn.

Doughy, fluffy, cheesy, rosemary bread is a luxury.

“I have a feeling you’ll be preoccupied with your mission to court the Tiger.” She retorts but a deep frown comes over her then, as she wraps the last loaf in parchment paper, “Are you sure you should be doing this? Waltzing over to a tent full of dangerous soldiers doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“I want to thank them.” You insist, loading your basket with the rest of the loaves, glancing up at your worried friend, “All the village ever talks about is how ruthless they are, how cruel they are known to be but, the reality is: they saved us. It must be frustrating to refuel just as any other fleet would and have people gossip about you or fear you unnecessarily. I’m not planning on staying for tea or anything, I just want to show my appreciation.”

Rachel raises her brows, “That’s all hm?”

You nod, “Yep.” Your lips pop with the sound of the p and Rachel remains unconvinced.

“This has nothing to do with the Tiger?”

“Of course not.” Your answer tumbles past your lips far too quickly and, it causes your friend to grin knowingly at you.

“I know that look-”

“Ugh what look?”

“The look. That one-” She points at you, “You’re about to do something you know you shouldn’t.”

Her smile is far too contagious and her knowledge of you surpasses anyone you’ve ever known in your life.

She has your number and there really is no point in lying to her.

“Fine, ok maybe it has a little something to do with the Tiger-” You smirk, trying to stifle the giggle that threatens your disposition, “Don’t laugh at me!”

Rachel’s twinkling laughter fills the room as she rounds the counter. Placing her hands on your shoulders, she smiles fondly at you, “Just be careful ok? I know he intrigues you and honestly I’m not at all surprised but, don’t let your curiosity get in the way of your safety. That’s the most important thing.”

“I won’t.” You promise, smiling back at her, placing your hands on hers, “I promise, I’ll be careful.”

Rachel helps you out once again, insuring you have everything you need before her soft voice is answering a question you asked moments earlier.

“And uh about that Jungkook boy-”

You smirk, “He’s definitely not a boy, did you see his muscles? He looks like he could bench press a mountain lion.”

She grows flustered, “No, I didn’t see any muscles, I have no idea what you’re talking about-”

“Oh so you also didn’t notice him staring at you in the plaza today right?”

Rachel’s eyes widen, “Wait he was?” She clears her throat, amending her eagerness as you giggle, “He definitely wasn’t staring at me don’t be ridiculous. What I was going to say-”

“What you were going to say is that ‘no Y/N, I don’t want you to check on Jungkook’s marital status directly but, should you happen to come across his left hand, let me know whether or not you see a shiny band around his finger, not that I would care or anything. Because, I totally don’t have the hots for him.’ “

Her mouth opens and then closes like a fish before she playfully nudges you through her doorway, “Shut up.”

With a laugh and a few parting words, you are off to visit the tent of your village's heroes.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous.

But you’d also be lying if you said you were nervous for the right reasons.

The concept of walking into the basecamp of a supposedly elite and ruthless fleet is one thing but, talking to someone you find attractive?

Absolutely terrifying.

Your presence is immediately noted by the men inside the camp.

Two of them are seated at a table outside of one of the tents, hands and teeth full of meat, their motions freezing in place as they see you.

As you pass by one of their horses, you notice of them is speaking with a group of raiders.

The conversation seems amicable, suggesting that many of the raider clan was indeed in your village against their will.

You approach the main but, before you are able to make ring the bell on the outside, you are crashing chest first into a very firm and very broad chest.

“Holy-” The voice sounds familiar and as you look up, you are meet with the bambi with biceps himself: Jungkook.

“Hello I-” You attempt to begin but his panicked voice interrupts you.

“Yah hyung??? Uh there’s a-” He swallows thickly stepping away from you, “There’s a girl here!”

The word seems foreign on his tongue and his behavior genuinely surprises you.

Where was the cocky warrior from this morning, brandishing a sword and placing bets on his captors?

“Jungkook, for the last time- we don’t use that word. We say young lady or woman...” Another voice, one you don’t recognize fades into your scope of hearing before pushing open the fabric of the tent. He is arguably just as beautiful as the other men, tall, dark haired, buff- as if he would be anything else.

“Oh, hello. Are you...” The man narrows his brows as he looks towards the group of raiders speaking with one of his counterparts, “Are you with the group or?”

You shake your head, your basket swinging when you turn back towards the village, “Oh no, no I’m from the village. My name is Y/N Y/L/N...” You bow your head slightly, “I came here to bring you this,” You gesture to the basket, “It’s fresh bread. I wanted to thank you for saving my people today.”

You feel the need to rush out your explanation as the rest of the fleet continues to stare at you. In fact, the way they are looking at you is rather unnerving.

It isn’t disrespectful just intrusive; they are looking at you as if you’ve sprouted a second head.

“You-” The man before you cocks his head, looking befuddled, “You came here to- thank us?”

“Well yes, I know bread is hard to come by and I figured you could use a pick-me-up after your fight this morning.”

He smiles now but his incredulity doesn’t change as he takes the basket from your hands, “It’s warm.” He notes, “Did you bake this recently?”

“Yes I baked it today, just now actually uh-” You decide to speak candidly now since the possible threat margin seems to be closing, “You look confused.”

Jungkook is practically hiding behind the man you’re addressing and it takes a large part of you not to laugh at his behavior.

“Forgive me.” He chuckles, “We aren’t exactly used to hospitality. Most villagers avoid us like the plague, it probably has to do with our General but regardless.” He bows his head, “We appreciate the gesture. I’ll make sure to pass along your gratitude to him once he returns.”

“Oh is he not here? I was hoping to thank him myself.” You try and mask the disappointment in your tone, not wishing to come across as stranger than you already did.

The man shakes his head, “No. He often takes a walk after an invasion; gotta make sure the perimeter is secure.” He smiles and you are taken aback by how white his teeth were, “My name is Seokjin, I’m the outreach expert on the fleet and unofficial chef. I promise your bread will be put to good use, it’s been months since we’ve had any decent carbs.”

His comment makes you smile and you are delighted that his demeanor is so welcoming.

“I’m sorry to heart that. Will you be in town long? I can try to set you up with a few more baskets before your departure?”

Seokjin chuckles warmly before snorting as Jungkook paws at the basket, “Easy.” He admonishes but its too late, Jungkook already has half a loaf down in his mouth, his chest rumbling with the sound of his groan.

“Oh my god hyung, it’s so good...”

Seokjin looks disgusted with him but hands him the basket anyway, nodding to the rest of the fleet, “Share. Make sure you save a loaf for Yoongi and I.”

Jungkook happily obliges but not before turning towards you and bowing, “Uh thanks for the- for the bread....”

His sentence is choppy and over before it even begins as he goes bounding off in the direction of his team.

“Pardon him, he’s been in the army since he was fourteen. We haven’t done an amazing job at socializing him but, he’s getting better. He’s still a bit antsy around women though.” Seokjin chuckles, fondness in his eyes, “Ah but to answer your question, yes. We've decided to set up here for a few weeks to train our new recruits. I would love to more of this bread if it’s not too much trouble.”

You smile, waving him off, attempting to conceal your happiness at the news he’s just delivered, “Nonsense, I’d be happy to bake some more.”

“Excellent!” He chirps, clasping his hands together, “I’m sure Yoongi would be happy to know we’ve finally manage to contact with a villager. It’s been an issue for us, stories spread like wildfire you know? And just like wildfire, they tend to do more harm than good.”

“And Yoongi is?”

Seokjin chuckles, “Ah I believe you’d know him better as...” He flutters his fingers dramatically, “ the Tiger.”

Yoongi.

So that was his name.

“Oh yes,” You amend, “I’ve certainly heard of him but, I prefer to make my own judgements rather than succumb to the gossip.”

He smirks, “That’s very noble of you Y/N. I for one,” He places a hand on his chest, throwing a wink your way, “, live for the gossip.”

Your meeting with Seokjin ends soon after that with a promise that you would return with more bread.

As much as you wanted to rush back to Rachel’s house to inform of your meeting with the ‘most dangerous fleet in the world’, you remind yourself that school is in session; a necessary but annoying inconvenience.

However, there are plenty of ways you plan on keeping busy for the remainder of the day and one of them involves visiting the river to collect more herbs for your remedies.

You obviously weren't able to sell your wares today as the marketplace was still littered with evidence of the robbery. Your parents had insisted you take the day off to restock and recuperate whilst they helped the village leaders clean up.

Reluctantly, you agreed and you are now very grateful that you had.

The river has always been one of your favorite places. It was rich, green, buzzing with life and, always a few degrees colder than your village. Surrounded by mossy trees that seem to stretch as high as the clouds, the river is encased with life. Rabbits, squirrels, tortoises, frogs and a plethora of birds all coral in the area the river resides in whilst bears, big cats, wolves and monkeys hide behind the dense forest. It’s any apothecary’s paradise as it is also the residence of any herbs capable of growing in damp areas.

Angelica, Blue Vervain, Marshmallow, Stinging Needle and more: the river is your one stop shop for so many of your essential ingredients.

Today you’re after a particular herb though and armed with another woven basket, you make your way towards the large bushels of it growing at the base of a tree trunk.

Valerian is an essential herb in your arsenal and due to its popularity, it’s something you’re consistently having to restock.

Gathering it carefully, ensuring you don’t disturb the root of the plant.

You are so enthralled with your current task that you don’t even notice that you are no longer alone.

“Is this where the tree bark grows?”

You jump nearly six feet out of your skin, whipping your head around to face your intruder.

Standing before you is the myth himself, the Tiger or as you’ve recently learned: Yoongi.

He’s still in his armor from earlier, his long tendrils pulled back away from his face into a low ponytail. Between his lips, which are curving slightly, is a piece of the bark he had taken from your cart the day prior.

He is chewing it as you instructed.

“You of all people should know not to ambush someone like that...” You breath, placing a hand on your chest, “I could have wacked you with this basket or something.”

He just smirks, “I’ve had worse.” He notes, taking the bark from between his teeth, “I’m sorry I frightened you though, I didn’t expect to see anyone here.”

“Likewise.” You retort, nodding your head at the bark, “Is it helping?”

He shrugs, “Too early to tell I suppose but, it’s tending to my oral fixation so, either way it has a purpose.”

You straighten up a bit more and smooth out your dress, “It will work, it just takes a bit of time.” You assure him before adjusting the herbs in your basket, “I came by your tent earlier to offer my thanks for what you and your men did today, your outreach coordinator Seokjin told me he’d pass along the message but-”

“You did what?”

His tone doesn’t entirely lean one way or the other and you quickly grow worried that you offended him.

“I brought a basket of bread to uh-” You swallow thickly, meeting the intensity of his gaze, “to your camp as a thank you for saving my village.”

Several emotions flicker across his face before he settles on surprise, “I see. Were they polite?”

You can’t help but smile, this day truly has been full of surprises and, Yoongi’s demeanor is only adding to that list.

“I only had the privilege of meeting Seokjin and well- I kind of met Jungkook but, he seemed a little-”

“Awkward?” Yoongi smirks

“A little.” You amend, “But both of them were very polite. They explained that they often don’t receive any hospitality on stops like this; I was very sorry to hear that.”

Yoongi’s teeth seem to catch the inside of his cheek as he nods curtly, “There’s no need for apologies. Hospitality is welcome but, never expected. I try to teach my men that we should never expect gratitude for what we do as it so often comes with a price.”

“I suppose gratitude should be offered situationally then, there was very little draw back to what you did today. Our village is privy to raiders; maybe if word gets around that you all were in town, that might prevent this from happening again.”

He purses his lips before nodding in consideration, “I see you’re point. Regardless of its necessity, gratitude is always welcome: especially when free food is involved.”

His comment makes you giggle and your laughter makes his lips itch in a way they never have.

“I wholeheartedly agree with that. I get a surprising amount of baked goods sent my way doing what I do so, I’ll have no problem dolling out the gratitude while you all are here.”

Yoongi’s brows knit in confusion, “Do you people often pay you in baked goods?”

Laughter flows freely out of your mouth then and you shake your head at his question, “Definitely not, I sell my goods for currency as does any obedient member of society,” At this Yoongi smirks again, he likes your wit, a lot, “but I do receive muffin baskets, cakes, pies and whatnot from happy customers. They’re mainly from women whose husbands have taken my ginseng remedy.”

His curiosity blooms, “And why is that?”

You feel a bit of heat rushing to your cheeks, “Ginseng enhances uh- drive, often times it can be used a stimulant to promote you know-” You’re hoping Yoongi will put the pieces together but instead his eyes remain expectant, “passion.”

The word makes Yoongi straighten up a bit and in an effort to look casual, he nods quickly and hums a little too loudly.

“Ah yes. Of course. Well, as I said- free food is free food right?” He wagers, his fingers rubbing at the bit of bark.

Its your turn to smirk now but, you quickly change the subject when you ask, “Is the leader of the clan secure? I didn’t see him when I passed through your camp.”

He clears his throat, bringing the bark back towards his mouth, “He is. I have him locked up just behind the trees so he isn’t able to influence the new recruits. He had an alarming number of unwilling participants within his group, many of them claimed to be brought there with the threat of physical harm.”

You kiss your teeth and shake your head, “I don’t understand that kind of behavior. I understand that sometimes desperate people do desperate things but, to exert power or harm over another person without a viable cause...it just makes no sense to me.”

He’s intrigued now and as he brings the bark back to his lips, his brow knit with curiosity, “Hm. So do you think there is a justification to steal but not to commit violence?”

You can’t figure out why your opinion would matter to him but, you sure as hell aren’t going to question the length of this conversation.

“I think that some people believe they have no other choice but to steal. Wealth and power aren’t possible without a poor man to stand on, to oppress- I don’t support the idea of taking what doesn’t belong to you but, I could see why people are driven to do so. People are growing tired of being the poor man. Senseless violence isn’t something I could find a justification for. What the raiders often do, is both so I guess-” You hesitate, “I’m conflicted.”

Yoongi is captivated by your explanations, not because they are particularly ground breaking but, because they are particularly human. You aren’t afraid to discuss the complexity of life nor are you afraid to admit when certain things confound you.

“That’s a fair assessment. Do you agree with today’s outcome?”

Your smile returns, as you adjust the basket on your arm again, “I did. Especially because it seemed to surprise everyone, myself included.”

His lips return to his smirk, “Why? Because I didn’t behead him?”

“Exactly.” You breathe out a laugh before continuing, “I for one was shocked to see you deal with the situation without your trusty viper...”

His face turns to one of incredulity, “Oh my- you're not serious are you? Do people genuinely think I keep a viper on me at all times? Do they have any idea how unpractical that is?”

Yoongi’s reaction sends you into a fit of giggles and the sound makes his lips itch again.

He decides he enjoys the sound very much.

“I’m sure you’ve set a few people straight after this morning,” You offer, wiping a bit of moisture from the corner of your eye, “I doubt the rumors will repopulate the same way after you leave.”

“What do you think of them?”

“The rumors?”

“They’re entertaining.” You shrug, “But I don’t like to make assumptions about people unless I’ve met them, not even scary and supposedly cruel generals like yourself.”

The ghost of a smile shows itself on Yoongi’s mouth and his eyes seem to glimmer, pleased with your answer.

“I wish more people had that mindset.”

It’s all he says before promptly dropping the subject again, nodding in the direction behind him, “I should probably head back to camp. I have a feeling that the longer I am away, the smaller my chances of getting any of that bread become.”

“You’re probably right, I have to be back before sunset anyway.” Your parents don’t like it when you’re out at the river after dark, “It was very nice meeting you Yoongi. I hope you enjoy the bread.”

His lips as he realizes something vital, “I’m sure I will. Forgive me, I don’t remember catching your name...”

At his observation, you extend your hand towards his, “Oh of course, my name is Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Without looking down, he grasps your hand gently as if he were afraid to break it, “Y/N- I’ll remember it.” He promises unnecessarily but it still sends a flutter through your heart, “Get home safe.”

When he releases your hand, you step back towards the bushel of Valerian before smiling once more,

“You too.”

As Yoongi departs from the river, he smirks to himself.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be the routine stop he had planned on.

Perhaps this would be so much more.

1K notes · View notes

dadolorian · 4 years ago

Text

Seven Days of Valentines, (Diamonds and Daddies side story) Whiskey x F!Reader CH 4

A/N: Thanks to @talesfromtheguild for Beta reading and helping me with many ideas for this! This will be a weekly series leading up to Valentines Day

I try to keep Readers physical appearance as open as possible for this story, but please note in these chapters shes going to become more of a ‘character’, some specific interests of hers are going to come into play.

This is canon to the main Diamonds and Daddies story, but i am uploading as its own thing. You do not need to have read Diamonds and Daddies to read this, just know its a fic about Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels being a Sugar Daddy and the reader is a professional Sugar Baby.

Fandom: Kingsman the golden circle Ship: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x Cis F!reader Warning/tags: established relationship, P in V sex, fingering, Oral ( F receiving) , multiple orgasms, over stimulation, dirty talk, Daddy kink, DD/LG/BDSM style relationship, creampie, unprotected sex (wrap it up irl) checking of safe word, possessive language, aftercare, toys, squirting, pussy slap, nipple/clit pump, some mild fluff

Let me know if i forget anything

Word count: 6K +

My master list Seven days of Valentines masterlist AO3 LINK Buy me a Kofi

Summary: Whiskey whisks his Sugar baby away for a romantic Valentine’s getaway. Day four, jack gift Honey Bee a special gift.

Thursday 12th of February

As promised, you were left with a very sore and tender pussy.

You awoke in uncomfortable pleasure with Jack's face buried between your legs, devouring you as if he hadn’t had his fill of you less than eight hours earlier.

Lazily, you tried to push him away with your hand, in a feeble attempt to fall back to sleep, however thanks to your lingering sensitivity and the skill of his tongue he managed to coax you to orgasm despite your meager attempt to recede back into sleep.

You whimpered, grogginess clear in your high whines, as Jack lapped you up, savoring your taste before beginning to kiss his way up your body, pushing up his t-shirt you still wore to kiss at more of your soft skin. He gravitated towards your lips finally, lazily melding his mouth to yours. You tasted yourself on his tongue, alongside that taste you couldn’t describe as anything other than Jack. You moaned together, as if relieved to be connected once again finally.

Strong, familiar arms wrapped around you and lifted your hips to his, he hissed into your kiss as your soaked core rubbed up against his erection through his sweatpants.

“Is your sore pussy up to taking Daddy this morning?” he asked when you finally separated your lips from one another. His voice was raspy with sleep and need.

“If I'm not too sensitive for you to eat me out before I’ve even woken up, then I’m sure I can take your cock Daddy,” you cooed, giggling at the way his eyes darkened and the hungry look he gave you as he quickly hooked his sweats under his cock and balls.

“If you can still take me after last night, then clearly I didn't do a good enough job,” he teased before he pushed himself inside you with a satisfied groan.

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Even with Jack’s morning distraction he had the two of you out the door, before noon, dressed ready in warmer clothes than usual due to the reported snowfall.

He took you to Piazza Navona, it was beautiful, even with the overcast gray sky, thanks to the cold February air it was not as busy as you expected, giving you and Jack plenty of space to roam about the decadent square to observe the beauty of the architecture and fountains.

Snow covered the ground, which did not dampen your experience in the slightest. Jack promised to ‘make up for it’ in the future by taking you back in warmer months, but you silenced his worries with a kiss.

“I am thrilled we are here, even if it's cold, I don't need blue skies and sunshine to appreciate any of this Jack.”

He gave you a soft smile in return, feeling some of his worry lift.

“I still want to take you back here Sugar, one day.”

“I would love that, I just don't want you thinking I'm somehow disappointed because you took me here in late winter. I love it Jack, thank you.”

You shared a deep kiss in front of one of the fountains, as the only two people in the square.

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You were equally as excited when Jack took you to your next location for the day, and found it was just as empty as Piazza Navona. Trevi fountain was covered in snow, the blanket was growing steadily thicker as snow began to fall, Jack was grateful he had the foresight of an umbrella that day, opening it up and pulling you to his side as you both made your way over to the famed fountain.

“This is amazing, that we get to experience such a place, just the two of us” you whispered, leaning your head on his shoulder, huddling closer to him against the cold.

“It seems surreal Darlin,” he hummed beside you, kissing the crown of your head. “It’s like we’re the only two people in the world.”

You giggled. “Hmmm, and is this what we would do? If we were? Travel around, seeing the sights?”

“If it were just the two if us, I would want nothing more than just to explore the rest of the world with you, Honey Bee,” he smiled.

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You flipped through photos you had taken that morning on your phone as you sat in the passenger seat, Jack beside you holding your free hand as the driver took you to wherever he had planned for your lunch.

You giggled at one particular photo, Jack was pulling a face into the camera as he would often do when in a playful mood.

“Send me them when you get a chance Darlin,” he said warmly beside you, smiling at your smile. You gave him a nod before swiping through more.

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Lunch, as it turned out, was very similar to yesterday's lunch, as Jack had surprised you with another workshop. However, this time you were taking a pizza class.

Your stomach growled as you entered the warm Pizzeria, shrugging off the thick winter coats you wore and hanging them up. You were grateful for the change in temperature as you both cleaned off the snow clinging to the rest of your clothes before joining the small class.

You decided to spend the time this lesson enjoying the experience more than teasing Jack, who seemed just as agreeable to the notion as you stood side by side at your station, listening to your instructor.

You had a lot of fun, Jack kneaded the dough for you as you stood to the side, admiring his arms as he rolled up his sleeve and got to work. As the dough was stored away to rise, you cleaned your station together, sitting down to decide what toppings you each wanted.

Your pizza base was an uneven circle, Jack rolling it out once they were all deemed acceptable. You giggled at the lopsidedness of it, taking a quick photo of Jack’s pout as you giggled over your lumpy pizza base.

Together you made the sauce and spread it on your base, before you were finally allowed to decorate it with toppings. Before you could start, Jack made an equally uneven heart shape out of your shredded mozzarella, and with sauce bottle in hand, he managed to write a very messy “JD ❤️ HB”

You ‘awwed’ at the gesture, quickly snapping a picture of Jack next to his creation, smiling proudly.

“How very ‘cheesy’ of you,” you joked lamley, making Jack groan.

You finished putting the rest of your toppings on before you were finally allowed to deliver your pizza to the pizza oven. Jack was thrilled to get to use the large wooden pizza peel, and you made sure to take a video of Jack putting your pizza in the large oven to cook with help from the instructor.

While your lunch cooked you cleaned everything up, leaving your station as spotless as you found it. When the food was ready you and Jack sat at the tables, alongside other couples, chatting away happily as you all ate together, his arm around you lazily.

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You were surprised when Jack led you back to the hotel much earlier than you expected, having just finished lunch and bundling back up in your coats to brave the increasing snow.

You weren't complaining though, as you entered the lobby just as the snow had started to become a blizzard, more than happy to escape the cold for the rest of the day.

You were taken back to your room, and perhaps a little disappointed as you entered the bedroom, finding no gifts laid out.

Jack took notice, chuckling and kissing your cheek.

“Later Honey, we’re only stopping by to get rid of our winter gear,” he said warmly, shedding his coat once more and changing into some comfortable lounging clothes. He encouraged you to do the same, so quickly you dressed into a large baggy sweater dress, warm leggings and soft ugg boots. He took your hand once you were ready, and just as quickly as you had arrived to your suite, you were swept away to some unknown part of the hotel.

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You were delighted when you passed through two large glass doors to what you could only describe as a mini spa resort.

The air was warm and misty, smelling vaguely of vanilla and pine, tiled floors made shoes click as they passed over it, the walls were gray, with a large mural walk behind the tall reception desk. The hotel's logo stood out on the mural of trees, and sitting underneath, behind the desk were two petite young women who greeted you with a smile.

“Mr Daniels?” one of them asked in a strong italian accent.

Jack smiled and nodded, pulling you with him as you were led down a short hallway to the side, and then into a changing room where robes and towels waited for you.

You both undressed in your cubicles, putting on the towels and plush white robes provided for you. Jack took your hand back once the two of you were ready for whatever treatment you were about to get.

As usual, Jack had spared no expense, and the two of you were treated to a full spa experience. Jack had even gone the extra mile to give you a full beauty treatment as an added bonus.

You were able to relax in the Sauna together, your head resting on Jack’s shoulder as the heat sweat away your stresses. That was followed up by your beauty treatment. Mani and pedi, facial, exfoliation, face mask, eye mask, you experienced the full works, all while Jack cooled off in an Ice bath.

You enjoyed your pedicure along with a small sample of fruits and sandwich , followed up with a delicious slice of decadent cake, and a glass of champagne.

And the entire spa experience was topped off with a couples massage.

Jack reached across the small gap between your tables whenever he could to hold your hand in his. Any tension you had in your body melted away thanks to the expert hands of your masseuse and the scented oils coating your skin.

Sighing, you closed your eyes, trying hard not to fall asleep due to your extremely relaxed state, waiting to enjoy the feeling as much as possible by not drifting off.

You giggled, along with your masseuses when Jack's steady snore revibriated along the tiled walls, his hand relaxing in your grip as he drifted off, completely and utterly relaxed.

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By the time your massage had ended you were feeling more loose and relaxed than you had ever felt in your life, you rolled your shoulders with a content sigh, loving how loose your muscles felt.

“Damn Darlin, I didn't even realize my back was hurting so much until the pain went away,” Jack sighed beside you, taking your hand as you made your way back to the changing room to shower off the oil still coated to your skin.

“You enjoy your beauty treatment?” he asked, taking your hand in his once you were dressed, inspecting your manicure and affectionately stroking your fingers with his.

“Yes,” you nodded smiling at him. “Thank you.”

He smiled back and kissed your forehead. “Not that you need a beauty treatment Darlin, you’re already stunning,” he said, making you blush.

Washed, dried, and dressed you made your way back to your suite together.

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As he had promised earlier, gifts were now laid out on the bed, you bounced over to them excitedly, making Jack chuckle at your eagerness. Three boxes, with no clothes set out that evening, which surprised and intrigued you. As expected, one of the boxes contained a lingerie set, red and lacy, but unlike the other set the had bought for you so far, they were not intended to be practical, usable underwear as well, as the cups of the ‘bra’ were not there, the lace would perfectly frame your breasts, leaving them exposed for Jacks viewing pleasure. The ‘panties’ were matching, crotchless, this set was purely to wrap you up nice and pretty leaving everything open to Jack so he would not have to remove a single piece from you to get what he wants.

He growled softly behind you, wrapping his arms around you to kiss at your neck. “Gonna look so good in that Darlin,” he said, voice deep with lust already at the thought of you wearing it.

“Open the others”

You placed the first box down back on the bed, reaching for the next closest box and lifting the lid. Instantly you felt yourself growing wet at the sight of its content.

“I hope after last night you won't be too sore to play with these tonight,” Jack’s teasing voice tickled your neck as you stared down at the toys in the box.

So far, in the short time you had been together you had experimented with toys only a handful of times, and so far, they had been simple bullets and vibes. Evidently tonight, Jack wanted to be a bit more, experimental.

One simple, silver bullet vibe, a finger vibe, a silicone egg attached to a silicone string you could only guess vibrated, and the largest dildo you had ever seen in person. Your heart was beating fast in anticipation, and you were sure Jack could feel it with his lips latched to your pulse point.

“Open the last one,” he rasped.

You almost dropped the box as you opened it, overwhelming anticipation making you shake as you stared down at a toy you had only ever dreamed about being used on you.

Nipple and clit pumps, you were certain Jack was planning on a night just as intense as the last night, and you were more than looking forward to it.

“Go, get changed, I’ll be waiting for you.”

You were quick to change in the ensuite, touching up your hair in the mirror and re-applying Jacks favorite mascara. When you came back out to the bedroom, dressed in the exposing red number, Jack was laid out on the bed, even more exposed than you, completely nude as he lay back with a cocky grin, slowly pumping his hardening cock.

You feigned feeling bashful, hiding half of your body behind the door frame and avoiding his eyes. He chuckled, becoming you over with his finger.

“No need to feel shy Darlin, you look good enough to eat,” he hummed, still stroking his cock slowly with one hand while the other was open to you in invitation. You padded over the soft carpet, still pretending to feel shy. As soon as you were in reach he pulled you to the bed, pushing you onto your back and bending over you to give you a kiss.

“I really could eat you up, you sexy little thing,” he teased, his fingers dancing across your skin to the lacy edges of your ‘bra’, the pads of his fingers brushing against your bare breasts as he played with the lace.

“These,” he said, squeezing your breasts, weighing them in his palm. “A meal fit for a king,” he continued, growling before dipping his head further to mouth at your breasts. He lavished attention to them, making sure to toy with the one not currently in his mouth with his hand, squeezing, kneading the flesh in his large calloused hands, and tweaking your nipple while he licked and suckled on the other one.

You moaned, already aroused just by looking at the toys he had selected for that night, but even further so now. You felt your arousal leak out of you, with no barrier to hold it thanks to the lack of material covering your centre.

Jack switched, making sure each of your breasts felt the attention of his mouth, you looked down at him, and found him staring back at you with intense, dark eyes, watching your every reaction, every gasp and moan.

“Fuck, I love your tits,” he moaned agaisnt your skin, placing a few soft kisses to your peaked nipples before pulling away. His hand stroking the flesh of your thigh as he sat up, erection proudly twitching against his stomach.

“Which of those toys caught your attention most, baby?” He asked, positioning you gently further back on the bed.

“T-the pumps,” you answered truthfully, rubbing your coated thighs together in anticipation as Jack got up off the bed to collect the boxes.

“Yeah? You want Daddy to torture your nipples and poor little clit?” he asked, setting the boxes beside you on the bed.

You nodded up at him eagerly.

“Daddy will do just that,” he promised, picking out the finger vibe from the box and sliding it over his index, switching it on so it buzzed lightly. “But I want to try them all out on you baby.”

His finger started at your nipples, trailing slowly down your body until he reached your clit, circling it gently so the vibrations barely tickled you. You whined, lifting your hips , trying to gain more pressure to your clit, but Jack slapped your thich in warning.

“You take what Daddy gives you,” he reminded you, torturing you further by rubbing his vibrating finger over your clit directly, so lightly you could only just feel the promise of the vibrations against your swollen bud.

“Daddy please,” you whined, pouting when he chuckled at you, not taking pity on you.

“Patience is a virtue sugar,” he teased, leaning over to rasp in your ear. “Daddy will will make you cum so hard so much it fucking hurts if you be good for me.”

You moaned, knowing full well Jack always kept his promises if you behaved for him.

“Imagine that big one inside you,” he continued, knowing full well his words could turn you on just as much as his touches. “I wanna see your sweet little peach of a pussy stretch around that, your hungry little hole taking that massive cock, fuck, I bet it would hurt to cum around that thing, your cunt stretched so much and tightening around that, fuck I could cum just imagining that.”

You moaned again, nodding your head and silently begging for just that, wanting to please him, wanting that painful pleasure.

Your eyes were closed, imagining his little fantasy, how good it would feel when he surprised you by pushing the vibe right onto your clit, making you yelp.

“We’re gonna start small, and make our way up,” he said, sitting back up to watch you writhe under the pleasure of the vibe. “It’s going to be another long night Baby girl.”

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Jack had successfully made you cum with the finger vibe without ever sliding anything inside you, and had slowly worked you open with the small silver vibe, pumping it in and out of you slowly, bringing you back to the edge of pleasure before abandoning it to the side. You whined in frustration as he took his sweet time picking the next toy, much to your annoyance. There were two toys left in that box and you knew he was going to end with the larger one. He was simply trying to rile you up.

Deciding you were being just a bit too bratty with your complaints, he gave your pussy a harsh slap.

“Patience Baby,” he warned with a growl. “That's your second warning!”

You bit your lip, trying to silence yourself as he pretended to decide which toy to use.

Eventually he picks up the silicone egg and returned to his previous position between your legs, laying on his stomach so he could watch up close.

He turned the egg on, feeling it buzz in his palm before slowly pushing it inside you, cooing gently about how good your pussy looked, framed by your panties as it stretched around the widest part of the egg. Shoving it inside you as deep as it could reach he watched with fascination how slick leaked from you with each powerful buzz.

“Remember, you can’t cum until Daddy says you can,” he laughed before licking up your arousal with a moan. You heard him whisper against your folds how you tasted so good.

You were focusing hard on not cumming until he said so, but that was made far more difficult when he took a hold of the silicone ‘string’ attached to the toy, slowly pulling it down your channel and stretching your hole again.

You keened, arching your back and trying so hard to wait for his permission. He repeated the action, pushing the vibrating egg deep inside you before slowly pulling it out, stopping when you stretched around the widest point. He watched entranced, growling hungrily every time your entrance stretched around it.

He kissed your clit, circling his tongue around it, drinking up your moans.

“Fuck baby, watching my sweet little cunt stretch like this, just makes me want to see what else I can fit in you,” he moaned, lapping up at your folds now. “Im gonna buy the biggest fucking toy I can find when we get home, we’re gonna find your limit one day.”

His lips latched onto your core, eating you out vigorously, and still playing with the toy with his hand, he was struggling to grip it securely with how much you were leaking.

He shoved the toy back inside, pushing up right against your g-spot as he began suckling your clit.

You shrieked, trying not to wriggle too much as you begged, helplessly, for permission.

“Daddy! Please! Please! Pleasepleaseplease!” You wailed. Looking down at him, between your legs, eyes watching you intently again, you saw him nod.

Permission.

You thanked him with a cry as you arched further off of the bed, pushing your hips up into his mouth as he drank down your release, tongue lapping at your hole beside the silicone still hanging out of you. You clenched down around the toy, shaking as your walls contracted around the vibrations.

“Daddy!” You whined, slowly rocking your hips into his face as you rode out your orgasm. As the waves of pleasure washed away, Jack ever so slowly pulled the toy out of you, kissing your clit in praise as he did so. You whimpered, sensitive as he kissed you there.

He cooed again as you stretched around the toy, watching as he pulled it out at a snails pace, enraptured at the sight.

“My pretty little pussy,” he praised, diving to lap up at you again once the toy popped out of you. You mewled, lazily trying to push him away, but he wouldn't be denied his sweet treat.

Jack tossed the toy to the side and crawled up your body, lifting your thighs around his waist. Teasingly, he rocked his hips so his cock, now leaking pre-cum onto your skin.

“Daddy wants to be inside his pretty little pussy,” he rasped. “I know you’re sensitive baby, oohhh but daddy wants to make you a creamy mess before you take that big one, I need you slick with both our cum before I stretch you out with that thing.”

He was rambling, but watched your expression carefully as he lined himself up with your hole, smearing his pre-cum around your folds, waiting for any kind of refusal before pushing his hips forward and filling you easily thanks to his attentions with the egg.

“Fuck, there we go,” he groaned when the flesh of your ass met his thighs. Bottoming out inside of you. You moaned loudly as he filled you up, feeling his tip meet your innermost wall. “I aint ever been in a pussy this good Baby.”

Having neglected his cock for so long, choosing to pleasure you ahead of himself, Jack didn’t bother wasting time building up a slow and steady pace. He pounded into you hard and fast as he always did when chasing his own release and slaps echoing in the room.

He crashed his lips on yours, noses bumping together as the taste of your cum flooded your mouth. The kiss was sloppy, and messy, but Jack desperately seemed to need his mouth on yours as his hips rammed yours. You could tell by his desperation he would not last long, he rarely did when he had aroused himself so much by pleasuring you.

Once, twice, three times he bucked into you hard before warm cum flooded your insides, he pulled your bottom lip into his mouth and bit hard, but not hard enough to draw blood, groaning loudly.

You didn’t complain about the fact that he had sought his own release as he lazily pulled out of you, pushing his seed back inside you with his thumb, knowing full well he intended to make you cum at least once more that night.

“Baby,” he sighed, licking his thumb clean of your combined releases. “What's your color? You still good to try take that big one?”

“Green Daddy,” you sighed, settling into the pillows comfortably, preparing yourself for the challenge.

“My perfect girl,” he said proudly, kissing your cheek and retrieving the toy.

You knew there were larger toys out there, but this would be the largest you had ever taken personally, it was bigger than Jack, who was already an impressive size himself. He placed the toy beside you on the bed before opening the bedside drawer for a bottle of lube.

“I know you’re wet Darlin, you’re always wet for me, your horny little cunt’s always up for more, isn’t she? But we still need to prep you” he said, coating his fingers in lube and putting two in you straight away. The artificial lube, mixed with both of your cum made obscene noises as Jack pumped his fingers and stretched you open.

“Daddy can get hard again on that noise alone Honey Bee,” he chuckled, laughing harder as your eyes widened as you glanced down at his spent, wet cock that was already twitching with interest.

You bit your lip and wiggled slightly, stopping when his eyes cut back to your face in warning.

“Are you going to take me again Daddy?” You asked as a third finger pushed inside you.

“Ohhh, you can bet on it Baby,” he moaned, watching your hole stretching around his fingers. When he managed to fit a fourth, large finger inside you, he stretched you wide open so he could stare into your hole, groaning at the sight.

“My perfect little cunt,” he whispered before spitting into your hole, giving you an obnoxiously cocky grin before pulling his fingers free and shoving them in your mouth to clean.

Obediently you lapped them up, cleaning your combined cum and lube off of his fingers while his free hand opened the bottle again. Once he deemed his fingers acceptably clean he pulled them out of the hot cavern of your mouth and picked up the toy, coating it generously in lube.

“You sweet little pussy’s gonna look so good taking this,” he growled, shoving your legs apart as wide as they could go and lining the tip of the toy up at your entrance. He was extremely careful, as he pushed it forward, watching your reaction carefully for any sign of discomfort. Even with the stretching and copious slick from the lube and cum it was a struggle to take, the stretch was burning and so far he had only pushed the tip in. Jack paused, waiting patiently for your face to relax as he slowly pulled the toy out, then back in, pushing just a little bit deeper each time, pausing, waiting for you to adjust each time you grimaced.

It took a lot of hard work, but with both your efforts the toy was eventually pushed as deep as it could go. You both moaned in unison once the toy could go no deeper. Jack laid down on his stomach, between your legs, staring longingly once again at the stretch of your pussy.

“Baby,” he cooed in adoration, running this finger around the toy where your hole stretched around it, making you whimper. “Look at that, fuck, just imagine how much we could get to fit in you with practice. Your sweet, tiny little pussy’s stretched so wide, Can’t wait to make you cum on that, bet it’s gonna hurt, make you cry, sweet thing.”

You were stretched so wide that the arousal you felt at his words could not escape, simply filling you up further, making you whine.

“Wait here, hold your legs open,” he ordered getting up off the bed, you noticed he was hard again already, having worked himself up watching you stretch around the new toy.

He picked up the last box.

Oh.

You had forgotten about that.

Jack gently picked up the pumps before returning to you, gently attaching the suction cups to each nipple and your clit. He loved how your breasts look, framed by the ‘bra’, pump attached to your nipples.

“Gonna make you cum so hard, it’ll hurt so good baby,” he rasped, voice deep and gravely with lust.

He squeezed the pump gently in one hand, watching how you would react with fierce intensity and hunger. The first pump was just enough to feel a slight suction, a mild sensation, but he continued to pump away slowly, watching the way your nipples began pulling up into the clear cups. He groaned at the sight, and once your nipples and clit started to feel the tight suction you whined loudly in both pain and pleasure, unintentionally squeezing around the large toy inside you still.

Without warning Jack repeatedly squeezed the pump hard and fast, startling you with the sudden, constant suction.

“Ahhhh! Daddy!” You yelped, struggling to keep still for him.

“You know your words,” he reminded you. “They’re there if you need them.”

You shook your head no, wanting that painful orgasm he promised you and was intent on giving you.

You were sobbing as he pumped away, clit and nipples red and raw as they were pulled up into the cups, there would be marks in the morning, no doubt about that.

It was painful, but incredibly arousing at the same time, they had never been this sensitive before, this abused and your head was swimming in the delirium of it.

Jack jerked himself off with his free hand above you, as you squirmed beneath him, the painful, burning stretch of the toy, and the constant and the arduous suction on your most sensitive parts were driving you insane.

To torment you further, Jack placed the pump down but did not release the suction, instead, grabbing onto one of the cups on your nipples and tugging at it. You cried, the pain agonising but it just made you anticipate your orgasm all the more.

Proud of the reaction he pulled from you, his hand moved to the suction cup on your clit, repeating the action. You shrieked, louder than you ever had before and Jack abandoned his cock to cover your mouth, as he repeatedly tugged at the cup, muffling your shrieks.

“Normally I love your noises Baby but we don't need people coming to investigate that now do we?” he teased. “Now I'm going to let go and you’re going to cum for me. You understand?”

You nodded into his hand.

“Good, you need to scream like that, do it into the pillow,” he said before pulling his hand from your mouth to grip the toy filling you up by the base and jackhammering it inside of you, still tugging at the pump on your clit.

It was instantaneous, and as painful as he had promised. Your hole was stretched as wide as it could possibly go right now and gripping hard on the toy that was stuffed inside you. Jack growled, watching with rapt fascination as your poor abused hole rhythmically clenched around the artificial cock.

You didn't shake as much as you thrashed, pulling the pillow to your face to scream your voice hoarse as tears escaped your eyes due to the pain you were drunk on.

Wet squelching, screams and Jack’s praises and curses filled the room as you came and cum gushed from you. Your body was both trying to milk the toy and push it out of you at the same time, and you realized the toy was being forced from you because you were squirting around it. Jack seemed unaware given how big the toy was, but he was preparing to enter you the second he pulled the toy from you, the hand previously tugging at your clit pump was stroking his cock while the hand still on the toy quickly pulled it out of you, coating him in the cum still squirting from you.

“Fuck Baby!” he shouted, surprised for just a moment before he growled and quickly shoved himself in your gaping pussy before you finished. Pounding into you at a brutal pace, unintentionally but happily massaging that spot making you squirt, drenching his front in even more cum before your body could take no more.

“Fuck I didn’t think this would be how I made you squirt the first time, but Im not complaining,” he groaned in your ear, ripping your pillow away from your face and pounding into you, holding your still thrashing body tightly to him, ignoring the pump still on you as his cock destroyed your hole. Over and over again.

His pace was brutal and you cried, from the intense pain and pleasure of your orgasm, from the suction still on your nipples and clit, from the overstimulation of him pounding into you before you had even finished, how tender and swollen your sex was that was continuing to be abused, and the words that dripped from his mouth.

“My fucking pussy, this is mine,” he growled, his voice sounding feral and animalistic. “No ones ever going to please you the way I do, fill you the way I do, every inch of you is mine!”

“Y-yours,” you eeped out, voice faint after screaming so loud.

That was all he needed to push him over the edge, shouting his release as he pulled you up into him and he pushed in as deep as he could go, ignoring how the pump dug into both of you, hitting your cervix, making you cry out as he came.You felt it leak out of you, your abused hole unable to hold it in as he pulled out. Pausing a moment to free you of the pump, making you hiss in pain and relief before Jack collapsed on top of you with a groan, resting his head between your breasts and wrapping his arms around you.

You weren't sure how long the two of you lay there, clinging to each other, hearts and breath slowing down and sweat cooling from your skin as you stroked his hair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, once he was no longer panting, Jack sat up, hair clinging to his sweaty forehead as he took survey of the mess on yourselves and the bed.

“You good baby?” he asked, the need for sleep clinging to his voice.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “That was…”

“Intense?” he supplied with a weak chuckle, getting up off of the bed. “Come on baby, let clean up and get you sorted.”

You whined in complaint, rolling to your side, back to him.

“I know you’re tired,” he cooed, gently picking you up and carrying you to the ensuite. “But you’ll regret waking up in a wet bed, covered in cum and sore as all hell.”

“Fine” you sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck, more than happy to let him do all the work, and you knew he was more than happy to do it.

He took extra care with you that night, cleaning you up, removing the lingerie from your body, soothing your sore abused nipples with ointment, changing the bedsheets and praising you as you snuggled to him every chance you got.

You were already asleep by the time he put you to bed and tucked you in beside him.

Taglist:

@thats-one-tender-foot @luminescentlily @nuttybeardetective @ishqinbbc @ben-is-a-hoe @calamity-queen @phoenixhalliwell @talesfromtheguild @the-arctic-violet @jeeperky @mando-amando

#jack daniels x reader #agent whiskey x reader #jack whiskey daniels x reader #my fic #Seven Days of Valentine's #DIamonds&Daddies #SugarDaddy!Whiskey #thots #smut

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lemonpeter · 4 years ago

Text

Desperate

@preciouspeterbparker is an enabler 💕 and I love her for it. She sent me a concept for my au I’d explained a little while before and I was OBSESSED, so I’m sure hoping I did it justice 💕

Warnings: the whole thing is extremely nff, a/b/o, both alpha and omega Peter (I explain it here), alpha Tony, very brief bottom Tony (like one paragraph right at the beginning and Peter thinking about it), s*x toy use god I hope this shows up in the tags

@serrabloodsong

————

“Come on, baby, give it to me,” Tony panted, pressing his hips back until they were flush against Peter’s.

Peter groaned, holding onto his alpha’s hips as he kept fucking forward. He’d never felt anything so incredible, addicted to the vice-like grip of Tony’s ass. It was tight and slick and so different than the stimulation he got from just being fucked.

“I’m so close, Tony.” A soft whine escaped his throat as his hips lost their rhythm. He could feel the tension in his belly about to snap as he approached his high.

His eyes snapped open as soon as he finished, a weak moan leaving him. His hips stuttered forward as he spilled across the pillow that was tucked between his legs. His hand dropped between his legs to squeeze at his knot, now fully grown, the sensation causing his body to jolt and another spurt of cum to leak onto the pillow.

Once he had completely ridden out his high, he went lax against the bed. He was slightly sore from the amount of tension his body had held, but he’d heal. He was more concerned about the dream.

It was the fifth one that week.

Sure, it wasn’t abnormal for him to have wet dreams. Even with all the sex he had, his drive was so high that he was often waking up to slick-soaked sheets and a bit of a wet patch on the blanket.

No, the concerning part was how he was on top in every dream. And how he woke up with a popped knot.

He was a genetic miracle, having presented with characteristics of both an alpha and omega. But since he was primarily omega, it was extremely rare for him to knot anything, or even have the urge to. He always bottomed with Tony and that made him happy. He didn’t need anything else.

But his alpha side seemed to want to be brought to light suddenly. He’d been dreaming about fucking his alpha, something he’d never seriously considered before. And he woke up every morning with his knot buried in a pillow he’d been fucking unconsciously.

He didn’t know what to do.

There was no way that he could ask Tony about anything like that. For the most part they ignored his differences, especially during sex. As far as either of them were concerned he was strictly omega during those times. So it would have been odd to bring up the alpha bottoming occasionally.

And there was also the issue of pain. Alphas weren’t designed to take a knot. And it was pretty impossible without a ton of prep, which Peter was fairly sure neither of them completely knew what to do. There was no way he would hurt Tony ever. So he figured it was best to just...leave it.

Which worked...for about a week.

He kept having the dreams, but luckily Tony left for work before Peter got up, so he never saw his partner’s predicament. Peter let himself ride out the high every morning and then hid the evidence by quickly tossing everything into the washer.

It was easy enough to pretend that nothing out of the ordinary was happening. He dealt with it first thing in the morning and then got on with his day.

But then the thoughts started bleeding into his conscious mind.

He’d eat lunch with Tony when he had a break and find himself fantasizing about what it would be like to have the alpha bent over the table for him. His mind would conjure up images of Tony’s body eagerly taking his cock. Then his knot after.

Peter imagined watching in fascination and pride as his cum dripped from the alpha’s puffy hole after they were done.

His cheeks burned as the alpha brought up how distracted he seemed. “What? Oh, it’s nothing. Just thinking about...class.” Like his daily physics work would cause him to space out and drool like that.

But Tony didn’t argue, just shrugging off the answer with an, “Alright, honey.”

The excuses and zoning out were becoming all too common for Peter.

He knew that he needed to find a solution. It wasn’t going to work if he kept up how he was going.

Since he was the only person with his condition (that he was aware of), it wasn’t like he could just hop on Google and look up a solution to his highly specific problem. But maybe he could figure out smaller questions and find solutions for those instead of the big picture.

And that was how he found himself in front of his computer, staring at the search bar. In incognito mode, of course. He wouldn’t be able to look Tony in the eye if these searches were discovered.

He wasn’t quite sure where to start. The entire thing felt a bit overwhelming to him, especially since he couldn’t just find an answer for the entire thing. He had to break it up and he didn’t quite know how to.

So he tried to start simple.

‘alpha wet dream fix’

The only results he got there were articles about why wet dreams happen and instructing to just have more sexual release in the day to day life. Which he already got, he knew that wasn’t the issue.

On to the next search.

‘male omega want to top’

All that came up was porn. Pages and pages of porn.

He clicked on one link, heart pounding as he watched the small omega in the video fucking his alpha hard and fast. The alpha encouraged him the whole time, spouting words of encouragement in between sounds of obvious pleasure.

It was incredibly hot. But not exactly what he was looking for.

‘Knotting in sleep’

He got more porn, somnophilia this time. He tried to reword his search, looking into ‘alpha alone sleep knotting’.

Some more porn, but then he thought maybe he saw a search that could be helpful. His eyes skimmed over the article after he clicked on it.

“‘Sometimes an alpha will involuntarily knot during sleep, most often...if they haven’t had stimulation regularly.’” Peter read out loud, fingers tapping against his temple.

He didn’t get it. Well, he got it. But it didn’t make any sense.

He hadn’t done anything but bottom for years. And he was completely okay with it. The alpha urges hadn’t been there.

But suddenly they were. And he absolutely couldn’t figure out why.

His fingers drummed against his desk as he tried to figure out what to do next. Of course, he didn’t figure that there was any way he’d get a straight answer for what was going on with him. It was just like everything else in his life, a lot of questions with no real answers.

His eyes drifted over the search results again and he hummed as he reached the ‘also asked’ questions.

“‘How can a single alpha safely knot?’” He read off, clicking to expand the tab until the associated link came up. He clicked it as well, eyebrows raised.

There wasn’t much he actually knew about the alpha biology. Even after presenting, he figured it wouldn’t matter since he was mainly omega anyways. It had never occurred to him that maybe knotting outside of a confined environment wouldn’t be safe.

Reading over the Q&A the link brought him to, he realized that he was lucky he hadn’t been hurt by his nightly activities. Even if none of it had been on purpose.

Luckily, he was also supplied with solutions.

“A toy?” Peter mumbled. The only toy he’d ever owned was a dildo with a fake knot on it. And as far as he knew Tony didn’t own anything like what he was seeing in the pictures.

But he didn’t have another choice, really. The sleeve would provide him with a chance to test out knotting on his own and was a safe way to do it.

So he clicked over to another tab, looking up alpha-specific sex toys. And there were...a lot of results.

The alpha part of his brain seemed to switch on, immediately thinking of how each toy would feel on him and which would be best. He scrolled through pages, flipped between stores, all to end up ordering just one. A basic fleshlight that he hoped would do the job. It claimed to be for knotting as well, so he had hope that it would be good.

As he added a few different types of synthetic slick to his cart, he prayed that Tony didn’t look too closely at how he was spending money. But he knew it was all going to come out to a decent sum.

He’d deal with that when he came to it.

After confirming all of the orders, he stood up from the desk and headed back to the bedroom. He grabbed his tablet on the way, determined to continue his research. There had to be some explanation for his sudden urges.

He just had to put in the effort to figure out what it was.

***

Despite how he’d read it was dangerous, his body refused to stop its morning wake up call of an unbelievable orgasm and a fully swollen knot.

He still seemed safe, so he didn’t stress about it too much. It just gave him a bit more pause every time it happened.

And the stimulation felt so good, he couldn’t help but want it to continue on some level. But as always, the knot shrunk again once he had come down from his high and he couldn’t seem to figure out a way to get it back. The only time he was able to knot was from those dreams, his intense fantasies of fucking his alpha.

Great.

His mind was almost constantly on the concept now. He couldn’t stop thinking about it no matter how hard he tried. All of his daydreams became about topping Tony in various positions and locations. Then the daydreams snuck into his normal thoughts again. And every moment felt like one long daydream.

Only his alpha wasn’t really part of any of it, since Peter still hadn’t told him. And he didn’t plan on doing so.

It definitely made things harder. But he didn’t want to freak Tony out by revealing how needy his alpha side was getting or make him feel guilty for not wanting to bottom.

He could take care of himself. That would be alright.

***

“Pete, a package came for you,” Tony called, getting ready to leave back for work after his lunch break. “Friday just informed me that it’s at the front desk downstairs, so you can go get that.” He didn’t ask what it was, too preoccupied by thoughts of work and all he had to get done.

Which was perfectly fine with Peter.

He looked up as Tony talked, eyes widening slightly. It had to have been his toy (and the other things purchased with it.) He didn’t have a habit of purchasing much, so it had to be that if it came specifically for him.

As soon as the alpha had left, he raced downstairs to get the package. And he was ripping into the box without shame instantly when he was upstairs again.

He so badly wanted to try it out. He was desperate to knot, needing to feel how good things could be.

Peter looked over the toy, almost fascinated as he studied it. It was just like it had been in the picture, a smooth plastic body covering a soft silicone sleeve. The entrance looked almost disturbingly like his own pussy, soft pink-flushed lips spread slightly around a small hole.

He could feel himself slicking just from looking at it. And his cock was getting interested as well, slowly starting to chub up in his soft sweatpants.

There was no way he wanted to wait any longer. He was desperate to knot, his alpha side frustrated but calming gradually at the promise of knotting the toy. So he tossed the box in the trash, gathered the lube, and carried everything to the bedroom.

Once he was there, he set everything on the bed while he slowly stripped. His boxers were tossed into the hamper, already soaked through with slick. He was so easily worked up it was almost embarrassing.

But he didn’t dwell on it, sitting on the bed once he was completely bare. The bottles of lube sat next to the sleeve, seemingly begging to be picked up.

He grabbed one, reading the label. It claimed to be the best in the business, bragging about its slide. And that was good enough for Peter. He tore the packaging off and clicked the top open.

While he poured the liquid over his fingers, he looked at the toy again. “How am I doing this?” He wondered out loud, picking it up with his clean hand.

He got an idea, sliding his wet fingers over the lips of the entrance. And his cock gave a twitch as he looked at it.

It looked good, but he knew just a little lube wouldn’t be enough. So he grabbed the bottle again, pouring some of the fake slick directly into the sleeve.

And oh, it looked incredible.

It was a vulgar sight, slick dripping from the pussy. And he couldn’t wait to fuck it.

He set the bottle of lube to the side, laying on his back as he figured out what he was going to do. It seemed like a good start to just...fuck up into the toy while lying on his back. It would be a comfortable enough position to lay in when- well, if he knotted it. But he was pretty sure he’d be able to.

His hand wrapped around his cock, slowly stroking it a couple times before letting go again. He was definitely hard, erection laying heavy against his belly. But his knot stayed small, barely visible at the base.

He knew that would change soon.

He held onto his cock, positioning the toy just above it in order to start.

When he slowly started sinking the sleeve over him, he wondered why he hadn’t considered getting one sooner. It was so tight and wet and-

Completely overwhelming.

The toy was only halfway down his cock before his muscles were tensing and he was spilling into it. Just like that. No buildup, no knot, not even any actual fucking.

“Fuck, oh- shit,” he breathed, cheeks burning in embarrassment. Thank god no one was there to see him. He’d just cum like a virgin, despite being nowhere close.

Although...technically he was one when it came to topping. He hadn’t thought about that.

He pulled the sleeve off again, face still bright red. “I...wow. I didn’t expect that,” he whispered into the silent room.

The first try definitely hadn’t gone how he expected it to. But he was reminded that he had an incredibly short recovery period. Evident from how his cock had never gone fully soft and was already beginning to fill out again.

So he didn’t waste any time before he was slipping the toy onto him again, making sure to take a long pause to make sure he was under control before moving it any.

He came embarrassingly fast a few more times before he was able to actually start fucking it. And every single time his knot stayed uninvolved. No matter how good it felt to fuck into the faux pussy, he would have an incredible orgasm but his knot refused to grow.

He was lost in the pleasure and frustration as he kept going, continuing to work himself up and fuck the toy. It lasted longer every time, although he lost count of the rounds he’d done.

Probably somewhere around...five? Six? He had no idea. The first few had been so short they barely counted in his mind.

But he was finally in the best one, it felt like. It was lasting longer than the rest and if he focused hard enough it was like he could feel a faint tingling in his knot.

His high was approaching quickly and he knew it, nearly praying that his knot would finally pop this time.

But he got distracted for just a moment when he heard something.

Peter froze momentarily as he heard the bedroom door creaking open, but he didn’t keep still for long. Even if he had been caught, he needed to cum. Obviously he’d been found out anyways, he might as well finish what he was doing.

How was Tony home already? It had only been…

He glanced to the alarm clock quickly, groaning as he saw the time. He’d been going for hours. How had he fucked the day away like that?

And it was, indeed, time for Tony to be home.

“Honey?” The alpha asked curiously, stepping inside the room and looking right at the bed. He raised his eyebrows as he noticed what he was looking at, however. The sight before him definitely wasn’t what he’d expected.

Peter looked at him, a guilty look flashing over his face briefly before changing to one of pleasure again. “Tony,” he moaned. “I- oh, fuck, please.”

Tony didn’t know what he was begging for. Or maybe he did, but he was too stunned to figure it out. “Peter….” He’d never seen his partner like this.

But he didn’t hate it.

He watched how Peter’s hips kept thrusting frantically, fucking into a toy so quickly his motions were little more than a blur. And his words were flooding out before he could even think about it. “That’s it, baby. Come on, you can do it. You need to cum? Go ahead, baby. You’re doing so well.”

A choked moan pulled itself from Peter’s throat at the encouragement. And it was just what he needed to reach another high.

He twitched forward, grinding against the toy as he spilled into it. Cum dripped out of the sides, his loads still nearly full even after his fucking-marathon. “Fuck, Tony,” he whimpered, chest heaving with his breaths.

He hadn’t wanted to tell his alpha what was going on with him. But the look in Tony’s eyes made him think that maybe it would have been okay.

In his panic and high he hadn’t even initially noticed that he still hadn’t popped his knot. But he realized it once he was immediately able to pull out of the toy to move closer to the alpha who was still standing at the door.

“Tony, I can explain,” he said weakly.

The alpha held up a hand, making the other man whimper. But he quickly elaborated. “You don’t have to. We can talk later. For now...that looked amazing, baby. Did you have fun?”

Peter started nodding, but ended up whining softly.

Tony moved to the bed, looking at the toy. It shouldn’t have looked as appealing as it did to him. It wasn’t much, just smooth plastic and then soft silicone in a flesh tone that looked vaguely like an omega’s pussy. But what made it was the obscene amount of cum leaking from it. And the knowledge that all of it had come from his darling partner. “Certainly looks like you had fun,” he mused.

“I did...just…” Peter sighed, dropping his eyes to look at his cock. It was half-hard still, but that wasn’t what he was focused on. His eyes were on the slight bump at the base that stayed small despite how hard he was trying to make it swell. “Oh, Tony.” He sighed again, the sound heavier this time.

“Talk to me,” the alpha encouraged, moving to sit down on the bed. “What’s up? Wasn’t it...fulfilling?”

A weak laugh was pulled from the younger man. “Not exactly.” He crawled to the alpha, leaning against him. “I know you said I don’t have to explain, but I do.” He took a deep breath.

Tony nodded, watching him intently. “Okay.”

“You know how I’m...mixed up. Both omega and alpha.”

“Of course.” They didn’t talk about it much, but that didn’t mean that he’d forgotten. He would have been a pretty bad partner if he forgot about something like that.

“Well, I’ve always felt more omega. You know that. That hasn’t changed. But lately things have been...weird,” he said slowly.

“Okay...weird how?”

Peter looked down again. “I’ve been having these...dreams.” Oh, Tony was going to hate him. Shame him. Or something.

“Alright...dreams, weird, I’m following.”

“I keep dreaming about being on top. Uh, giving. During sex.” His cheeks burned. No matter how long he was sexually active, no matter how much they did, he’d always get flustered somehow. “And a big thing in the dreams is...knotting you.”

Tony nodded, not taking his eyes off of his partner. “And is that something you want?”

“No! I mean…yes? I don’t know. I’ve always been happy with the way we did things. And I’m still happy with it. I just.” He made a frustrated noise. “I feel like something is missing. Especially since I keep waking up with a popped knot but I can’t seem to get it any other time.”

“So that’s the reason for the toy,” the alpha murmured, looking at it. “And you haven’t been able to knot it?”

“No,” Peter whined. “I’ve been at it all day. It feels good, but there’s just something missing. I want to knot it.”

“You want to knot it or you want to knot me?” Tony asked, watching him. He cocked his head to the side slightly as he waited for an answer, eyes trailing over his partner’s body.

Peter wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Sure, in his dreams he was on top. The one in control. But he didn’t really want that. He liked the way that he and Tony did things, with the full-alpha on top. Peter liked receiving. He just wanted to knot, no matter how he needed to do it. “The...the toy. I think.”

Tony nodded, picking it up. His fingers swiped over the entrance of it quickly, gathering up a bit of the cum that had leaked out. He pressed his fingers to Peter’s lips, smirking slightly as the young man shivered before taking the digits into his mouth. “In that case, I have a proposal. You want to hear it?”

Peter nodded, still suckling on the fingers gently.

“Okay. Well, you said you’re happy with how we do things, right? So I say we keep doing them. But you can try something new.” He held up the toy again, watching Peter’s reactions. “I’ll fuck you like normal. And you can fuck this. And we can see if that changes anything.”

The younger man moaned around Tony’s fingers, nodding. He hadn’t thought of that, but it sounded wonderful.

Tony grinned at him, slowly pulling his fingers away. “In that case, do you think you have one more round in you, honey?” His hand dipped between his partner’s legs, fingers finding his entrance and spreading the lips slightly. “You’re absolutely soaked, baby. You’ve been neglecting this pretty pussy, haven’t you?” He clicked his tongue. “I’ll have to change that.”

Peter moaned again, clenching down around nothing as he felt the tips of the alpha’s fingers tracing his entrance. “Please. I want this, please. I can go one more time.” He was tired, but he was determined he could do this.

“Okay, baby. Let’s figure out how we need to do this.”

Tony hummed softly, pulling away just to assess the situation. There were a couple ways that he figured things would work out, but only one really stood out to him.

“Let’s see if this will work,” he mused. “Lay on your back, Pete.” He watched as the man did as he asked, nodding. “Good boy. Now….” he moved between his legs, positioning himself like he was going to fuck him. “Does this seem alright?”

Peter nodded quickly, breathing hard. He looked being able to watch his alpha while he was fucked. It was one of his favorite positions. But…

Before Peter could voice his concerns, Tony was grabbing the fleshlight and putting it in his hands. “So while I fuck you, you can fuck up into this. Sound okay?”

His cheeks burned as he took the toy, but he nodded. “Yeah. I can do that.”

“Perfect,” Tony murmured. “Now, want to get started?”

They both couldn’t wait any longer.

Peter nodded, the tip of his cock rubbing against the already-slick entrance of the toy. There was still cum from his previous play dripping out, but he made no move to clean it up. He figured that it would only help.

Tony hummed, looking over him. He unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants down just enough to free his throbbing cock. No extra stimulation needed, just watching and talking to Peter was enough. Plus the promise of what was about to happen.

“Wow,” Peter whispered, eyes wide. He never got over Tony’s size. And he knew from experience how good all of it felt. He couldn’t wait to take it again.

“I’m sure you’re already wet enough, honey,” the alpha mused, his fingers sliding against Peter’s entrance once more. “I know you need to be filled….” he pushed two fingers inside up to the second knuckle. “So open for me already.”

Peter cried out, clenching down around the fingers. “Please, Tony. I need- fuck, I need you to fuck me already.” He didn’t want to be teased and fingered slowly. He wanted to get to the main event.

“Needy thing,” Tony commented, pulling his fingers out quickly. “But I’ll give you what you want. Just don’t forget that you’re supposed to be fucking that while I’m fucking you.” He tapped the toy.

“Of course,” Peter told him, the tip of his cock still poised to push into it as soon as things started.

“Okay, good boy,” the alpha praised gently. He rubbed the tip of his cock against Peter’s hole, watching how it fluttered in anticipation of what was to come.

He just couldn’t help himself.

He started pushing in slowly, a low groan building in his chest. No matter how much they had sex, Peter was always so perfectly tight. It was incredible every single time.

And at the same time, Peter sunk the toy onto his own cock with a moan. The dual sensations were incredible, better than he ever could have imagined. He felt Tony filling his pussy while his toy squeezed around him deliciously.

Just the initial feeling was almost enough to push him to the edge again. But he managed to calm himself down.

Tony took a shaky breath, taking a moment to get used to the tightness around his cock. It was intense, Peter obviously had only been focusing on his own cock. So his pussy was still incredibly tight, and constantly clenching down as he got used to the different sensations.

The alpha was pretty sure that neither of them would be lasting very long. But he knew it wouldn’t bother him. And it probably wouldn’t bother Peter either.

“Ready for me to move?” He asked gently, holding onto his partner’s hips carefully. He saw the look on Peter’s face and laughed softly. “Oh, I know. I mean, I can only imagine how intense things are for you. But they feel extra intense today even just like this.”

Peter smiled a little, nodding. He looked so fucked out already. “Yeah. I’m ready, alpha.”

Tony began moving his hips, just slowly at first. He didn’t want to completely overwhelm either of them. “Tell me how it feels, baby. Fucking your little toy pussy while I fuck you.”

“It-it feels really good,” the younger man whispered. That was a severe understatement, but he found it hard to form words. His hips thrust up into the toy as Tony fucked into him at the same time. Everything was sensitive and pleasurable and perfect.

“Just good?”

Peter whined. “It’s amazing, but- oh, god,” he moaned. His eyes rolled back as Tony started moving faster already. “I’ve never felt so…so good.”

Tony hummed, biting his lip as he kept his thrusts at an even pace. “Really? Hmm, let’s see if we can make it even better….”

“Wha- oh, fuck!” Peter groaned, hips jerking faster as he felt Tony’s fingers brushing over his left nipple. His nipples were always extra sensitive, but adding it to everything he was already feeling was intense. “Don’t!”

“Don’t? You want me to stop?” The alpha grinned at him, moving his hand lower again to rest on his hip. He moaned softly as he watched his partner fuck faster into the toy.

“Just stop that,” Peter instructed. “I don’t- god, don’t want to cum too fast. And it’s already...I already feel….”

Tony hummed, nodding. He couldn’t deny that he already felt the distinct pressure building as well. “It’s okay, baby. But I’ll stop.” Both of his hands stayed on Peter’s hips.

“Thank you.” Peter held onto the sheets with one hand, the other working to quickly slide the sleeve over his cock as he fucked it. His grip tightened on both things and he felt the plastic creaking under his fingertips.

They kept going, bodies in sync. Tony gazed down at his partner, eyes occasionally dropping down to watch everything else going on. But he loved to just watch the pleasured faces that Peter made.

And the other man was feeling nothing but pleasure. He’d held out as long as he possibly could and knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold off the high that was building. “Tony….” He moaned, movement becoming jerkier and less measured. “I’m- fuck, I’m gonna cum, alpha!”

“Then cum for me, baby, let go. This will be the best one,” Tony encouraged, not stopping his movements. He knew that he wasn’t far behind at all.

Peter whimpered, hardly doing anything more than just humping up into the toy now. But- “Tony! Fuck, yes,” he moaned louder, watching as his knot swelled rapidly.

Exactly what he’d been hoping for.

He thrust weakly, forcing his knot into the tight sleeve and he was done. His vision whited out as he came, hips bucking wildly. “Tony!” He cried out, tears leaking from his eyes at the intensity of his orgasm. And it seemed to last forever, the tightness of the toy milking his knot in a way he didn’t know was possible.

His vision blurred again and then he was out, going limp against the bed.

“Shit,” Tony swore, immediately pulling out despite how incredibly close he was. He wouldn’t continue anything without knowing Peter was okay.

It took only a few seconds for him to rouse again, blinking dazedly. “Did I just- oh my god.” He covered his face with one hand. “Please tell me that didn’t just happen.

Tony still looked a little concerned, but laughed weakly. “Which part? God, baby, that must have been good.”

“It was amazing.” And he was still riding out aftershocks. “But...that was embarrassing,” he mumbled. Then he noticed that Tony was no longer inside him and looked painfully hard. “Alpha! I didn’t mean to make you stop.” He wiggled slightly. “It’s okay, I’m okay now. Keep going.”

The alpha chuckled a little, more relaxed. “You’re something else, you know that?” He repositioned himself properly again, tip pressed against Peter’s now-loose pussy. “You’re sure?”

“So sure.”

Peter had gotten what he’d wanted. So he’d be happy to help his alpha.

He finally popped his knot, feeling more fulfilled than he had since the dreams started. And he’d been able to be with Tony to make it happen.

They’d have to do that more often. Although he was sure that neither of them would complain.

#starker #peter parker #tony stark #tony x peter #tony stark x peter parker #my writing #alpha/omega Peter #I still don’t have an actual au title thing for it yet #but yeah #tw a/b/o #nff #alpha tony stark #someone let me know if i need to add more

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littlemissagrafina · 4 years ago

Text

I want you to be happy (to see me, to hear me, to love me)

By @littlemissagrafina for @mshermia

@friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: Teen and up

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener Flash, Thompson

Summary: Peter loved his family. He loved Tony and Pepper. He loved Morgan and Harley. And they loved him as well. That was a fact.

But he still felt left out a lot when Tony had subconsciously started to greet everyone else before him or spend more time with Morgan or Harley.

Peter knew that if he asked, Tony would gladly spend time with him, or hug him, or listen when he wanted to talk about his day.

Except for the fact that Peter didn't want to ask for that because as time went on and he faded to the background, so did Tony and Pepper's attention for him. They started having less conversations then they used to, they started noticing less when he didn't speak during dinner, and they started to forget the hugs they would give him before school and at night before bed.

And that was when the hurt started. When the jealousy joined it.

A hurt and jealous Peter fic for the friendly neighbourhood fic exchange

Read On AO3

Peter knew that it wasn't on purpose. He knew that Tony cared about him just as much as the man cared for Morgan and Harley.

He still couldn't help the hurt and jealousy that would bubble up when Tony's attention and care were focused on them. It felt as if the care had been focused on them for so long, it had forgotten Peter was there to be focused on as well.

Peter hated that he felt that way towards the man who had become his father in all but blood, that he felt jealous of the little girl and resentful of the other teen.

He knew that Morgan was young and needed a lot of care, attention, and stimulation. He knew that Harley was struggling a lot after his mom and sister had died in a car crash when people had returned with the second snap.

Peter understood Tony's worry for Harley, the understanding they shared thanks to Tony's own parents' crash, even though the exact circumstances had ended up being so different from the regular crash that Tony had believed it to be for so many years.

Peter knew what it felt like to lose family and loved ones, and he hated that Harley knew that pain as well. He also knew and understood the separation anxiety that Morgan had developed for her parents.

So Peter had started deferring. When he had been talking to Tony or spending time with Pepper—and either Harley or Morgan would need them—Peter would make an excuse and then quietly slip away.

When he had first started doing it, Pepper and Tony would protest and reassure him that just as much as Morgan or Harley would need or want them, Peter could as well. He would just smile and say, "I understand, but they need you more right now."

And it hurt Peter to say those words even though he felt that they were true. It hurt because the more times he smiled and slipped quietly away, the less it was protested at and questioned. It became easier and easier for Tony and Pepper to go to whoever was calling them until it got to the point where they would eventually get up, stop talking, or leave the moment either Morgan or Harley would ask for them.

Slowly but surely, Peter drifted into the background. He stayed out of the way and tried to cause as little trouble or disturbance as he could. They were all dealing with a lot. They didn't need him added to it. He was okay with giving them space and time.

Sure, it was lonely, quiet, but it wasn't like they didn't pay Peter any attention or care at all. They still smiled and hugged him each morning, they still asked about his day during dinner, and he was still included in their movie or game nights.

He loved Harley and Morgan and Peter knew that they loved him too. It was evident in the jokes and the laughter they shared, in the occasional sleepover between the three when they would build a pillow fort in the living room. They would banter and tease each other but they never ever went too far. There was an understanding and respect between the siblings that even Morgan, as young as she was, understood.

Peter loved his family. He loved Tony and Pepper. He loved Morgan and Harley. And they loved him as well. That was a fact.

But he still felt left out a lot when Tony had subconsciously started to greet everyone else before him or spend more time with Morgan or Harley.

He felt hurt and guilty for missing Tony when he was needed so much by his other kids. Peter knew that if he asked, Tony would gladly spend time with him, or hug him, or listen when he wanted to talk about his day.

And that was when the hurt started. When the jealousy joined it.

The hurt when Pepper would fuss over Morgan's scraped knee or Harley's sprained ankle but hadn't noticed when Peter came home with a bruised wrist thanks to Flash's bullying.

The jealousy when Tony helped Harley with a school project in the lab but forgot about Peter's project when he was called up to help tuck Morgan into bed.

Tony never came back down to the lab, so Harley let Peter borrow his blueprints, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't Tony helping him, spending time with him like he used to. It sucked up every bit of joy and excitement that Peter had felt when they had first been given the project assignment in class.

Peter didn't know how long he sat at his workbench, staring at the borrowed blueprints—waiting and hoping for his dad to come back down for him.

Something inside him shattered when Friday alerted him of the late time and told him that everyone had already gone to bed.

The sketch he had been working on was crumpled up and thrown in the trash; his notebook with his ideas and half-written formulas were tossed into the workbench drawer.

It stayed there until Peter would be forced to work on it if he wanted to get it done before the deadline. Even then, it felt as if he spent days staring at the blank pages; all creativity dried up and gone without his dad to help him or spend time with him.

Eventually, Peter resigned himself to the fact that he was doing this by himself. No, Mr. Stark, Dad, Tony, whoever the man was now. Peter was on his own.

But that was fine, right? Of course, it was. It had to be.

Because Peter didn't know how to cope with the not fine. He couldn't, so it had to be fine.

There was no other choice.

---

79%. That's what he got for his project. Peter knew he could have done a lot better than that, been better, but he hadn't wanted to. Hadn't been able to bring himself to do better.

He was just glad (and even surprised) at the good score, and was happy that he had been able to put effort and work into it at all. It was with relief, and a momentary hint of pride, that he slipped his project report into his backpack after they had been handed out to everyone.

He'd done okay, and he was proud of that. With some courage that was bolstered by the knowledge of the report in his bag, Peter promised himself that he would tell Tony and Pepper about it. They still cared, right? Maybe the report would make them happy, make them proud.

Peter hoped so. Maybe if it did, then they would notice him.

---

Peter's heart soared as he walked through the front door, Tony's voice speaking from the living room.

"Kid! I'm so proud of you!"

Just as Peter was about to answer, a happy thank you on his tongue, he heard Harley respond before he could.

"Thanks, Dad." The other teen unknowingly echoing the exact words that Peter wished he could say.

With light footsteps, Peter moved to stand just outside of the doorway to the living room. Peeking around the corner of the wall, he saw a piece of paper, almost identical to the one in his bag, held in the boy's hand. This one was obviously Harley's own project report.

The paper flopped backwards as Harley moved to put it down on the coffee table, and Peter saw it.

There, scrawled in red ink, was Harley's score. A bright red 98%.

Where moments ago, Peter had been hopeful and excited to show his own report card, now it felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water over him—the chill bringing reality with it.

He wasn't good enough. Not anymore. He wasn't smart enough, just wasn't enough. Not like Harley or Morgan.

Peter darted up to his room, trying to be quiet but not really caring. Nobody would notice he was home anyway.

Once his door was shut behind him, he dug his homework out of his bag, the report coming with it.

Seeing it just made Peter more hurt and disappointed so he shoved it back into the bag and zipped it closed.

For the rest of the afternoon, Peter sat at his desk doing his homework, headphones pulled over his ears.

Nobody came to his room, nobody said hello. He only left when Friday told him dinner was ready.

Tony got a tub of Harley's favourite ice cream for dessert as a celebration.

Peter's project and report was never asked about. The ice cream was finished by the time Peter went to get some.

He trudged up to his room alone, half-hearted goodnights ringing in his ears.

The voices and laughter of his family downstairs mixing together to make a bittersweet lullaby, Peter went to sleep.

A crumpled up report forgotten in the backpack on the floor.

---

Peter yelped as he was slammed back into his locker, his head hitting the metal so hard that it left a dent as he was trapped against it by the hands fisted in his shirt. He knew he could get away. It would be easy to just pull away and walk off, but Peter was tired.

He was so tired. Of the pretending, the silence, the hurt. All of it. But it was the acceptance that truly exhausted him, and how it turned into a lack of motivation to speak, to make anyone notice him, to apply himself to anything.

Peter supposed that was the reason Flash let him off so easily today. Maybe the bully had finally gotten bored of him now. It wasn't a surprise to Peter, not really.

He was unimportant, after all. Just another random kid that wasn't even good enough for a bully to not get tired of.

With a tired sigh, Peter bent down to pick up the backpack that Flash had torn away from him. His back protested, obviously bruised from the impact against his locker.

Straightening up again, the world started spinning, a dull pounding at the base of his skull, immediately making him regret bending down in the first place.

Hand against his now slightly dented locker, Peter took a moment to get himself orientated again. Once the hallway stopped looking like it was gonna flip out from under his feet, he gripped his bag and walked out towards the school’s entrance where he knew Happy would be waiting to pick him up.

At least he was predictable. Peter knew where he stood with Happy. He knew the man didn't hate him, just didn't really know how to deal with teenagers.

Peter just hoped he would be able to stop the man from noticing his very woozy state once he got in the car. He took it as a win, thinking he'd gotten away with it when he was allowed to slump against the seats without a comment from Happy apart from a slightly awkward greeting.

What Peter didn't see was the concerned glances towards him in the rear view mirror and the text that Happy sent.

His head had started to ache too much for him to care to notice things. Why should he when he was never noticed anymore to begin with?

---

The rest of Peter's day passed in a haze of pain, absent minded distraction. He couldn't get himself to focus on his homework long enough to get any decent work done. Every time he tried, the words would swim and blur, adding a nauseating twist to the throbbing in his skull.

The lab was out of the question too. Any time that Peter spent down there just served to make him more hurt, more homesick and sad for what he used to have with Tony and his family.

Carefully getting off of his bed, Peter waited for his head to stop spinning (which it didn't, it just became less violent. But it would be fine later, right?) before he started rummaging around his room, looking for something to keep himself occupied until the call for dinner came.

Eventually he stumbled across the square Buckyballs box filled with his old magnets. Peter couldn't resist a snort at the name, thinking of sticking the little, round, magnets all over Bucky's vibranium arm.

He grabbed the magnets and went back to slouching on his bed. Squeezing them in his hand a few times, Peter started connecting and building the little balls into as many shapes and patterns as he could remember.

He remembered now why he always liked them as a kid. They were perfect for calming his senses and anxiety, as well as stimulating for his mind when he tried new patterns or shapes.

Pulling them apart and allowing himself to get lost in what he was making with the magnets, he felt calmer than he had in a while.

Eventually he heard his name being called for dinner and he reluctantly put the little magnets back in their case and gingerly made his way downstairs to the dining room.

He wasn't greeted apart from a small smile from Harley when Peter sat down next to him. It was okay though. Yeah, it hurt, it always did, but with the pain in his head and his distractedness, Peter was almost grateful for the lack of attention.

As dinner progressed, the pain in his head grew worse and worse, eventually being joined by a wave of nausea that didn't leave.

Without noticing, the knife and fork in his hands started bending. Peter's control over his strength slipping a bit from the throbbing in his head.

"Peter?" Harley asked from next to him, concern clear on his face. The question had everyone else at the table pause. Their attention turned to the brothers.

Peter went to nod his head but the movement only made him more nauseous and had another stab of pain shooting through his head. He didn't realise that he'd started swaying until strong hands clasped his shoulders, steadying him.

Opening his eyes (when had he closed them?) Peter saw Tony kneeling in front of his chair, one hand moving from Peter's shoulders to cradle the back of his neck.

He saw Tony's mouth moving, knew that the man was speaking, but it was like he was underwater, the words getting lost long before they could reach Peter's ears.

The hand on his neck moved, accident brushing against the back where he had been slammed into his locker, and Peter flinched. The pain surged, reaching a crescendo that had dark spots dancing across his eyes.

The last thing Peter was aware of was a panicked shout before he slumped forward, giving in to the blissful call of unconsciousness.

---

The first thing that Peter became aware of was that he wasn't in his own bed at home. The next was the distinct smell that every hospital or clinic had. By those two things he knew that he was probably in the medbay at the now rebuilt compound.

Another realisation that came to Peter was that fact that he was mostly pain free. There was a lingering tenderness in his head, not unlike what you would experience after a particularly gruelling migraine, but it wasn't anywhere near the excruciating level that it was before.

He could vaguely hear a familiar, unsteady heartbeat, but he wasn't sure if he was just wishing for it to be there or if it actually was.

He tried to open his eyes but it felt as if they were weighed down with lead. He was aware but trapped in that weird space between unconsciousness and being awake.

It took a while but eventually Peter started to wake more, his senses and mobility returning. His surroundings confirmed when he was finally able to open his eyes.

That was when he realised that it wasn't just his imagination when he heard the off beat thumping of Tony's heart. Sitting up in the hospital bed, he saw that the man was really here, and he was sitting in a chair at Peter's bedside.

Seeing him sitting there was what did it. Peter knew that man cared, he did, but dammit if he wasn't angry.

It felt like he had missed his family, his dad, for so long and the thing that finally made them pay attention to him was when he passed out at the dinner table.

"Where were you?" Peter croaked out, throat dry and voice still thick from sleep. It startled the man next to his bed. He obviously hadn't noticed that Peter was awake yet.

"Peter!" Tony sat up immediately, but something in the teenager's expression stopped him from getting closer to him. "What did you say?"

Peter took a breath, voice raising a bit more than the croaky whisper it had been. "I said, where were you? I needed you, I needed all of you, but you weren't there." Traitorous tears started welling in his eyes. He wished they wouldn't.

Tony didn't say anything. He had frozen slightly, face twisted into an almost horrified expression before it dropped to sad resignation as he took in the anguish that was clearly written across his kid's own face.

"I wanted my Dad, I wanted my family and I needed you to care, but you didn't, " Peter continued, the words building up to join his tears as the both spilled over.

"I know—I know I made it easy to let me go, to let all of us go. I know that Harley and Morgan needed you, that they need you. I know all that but I miss you, Dad." Peter's words were rushed and a bit stilted from his steadily increasing tears.

"I miss you, and I let you all go, but I thought you wouldn't let me, and I don't wanna go. I don't want to be alone like I have been, but I don't know how to get you to see me." With the words he had been holding in for so long finally out in the open, Peter sobbed. Tears welling and spilling over his cheeks

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Tony stepped up and wrapped him in a proper hug.

It almost shattered Tony's already broken heart when the kid just accepted it and melted into him.

"Oh, kid. I'm so sorry. I screwed up, and I—" Tony hesitated, the realisation of the cheap and easy way he took in the situation finally hitting him. "I did all that, we all did, and I will never be able to tell you enough how sorry I am and how wrong we were. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, Pete. We both know that this can't be excused. I screwed the pooch big time, and there is no denying that."

He pulled away, lifting Peter's chin to look him in the eye as he spoke. "We shouldn't have let you drift away, we didn't want to in the beginning, but it became easier with what we had to do for Morgan and Harley. We shouldn't have let it take you from us, not for a second.

"I have no excuse. I took the easy way, the coward's way because I didn't want to face everything that had changed, hoa we had changed towards you, and I will apologise to you and work at fixing this for the rest of my life if I have to."

As Tony had spoken, tears that had slowed started up again, falling over Peter's cheeks and Tony's own as they both finally got their words out into the open.

"I'm jealous, and I'm hurt, but I don't want to be. Please, help me. Please stay and don't let me be alone."

Tony knew that it wasn't just physical isolation that Peter was talking about, but the mental as well.

Instead of speaking straight away, Tony picked up one of Peter's hands and linked their pinkies together.

"I promise you, Peter, that I will not leave you again. I will do my damndest to fix this and to change what we've done to you because you don't deserve this.

"I know that it isn't going to be easy, that there is a lot of love and trust that needs to be gained back, but i'm not going to take the easy way out again. Not ever. I promise." He gave their pinkies a little squeeze before letting go and pulling his kid in for another hug.

Peter didn't know how to react to his dad's words apart from the two words that came to mind. He knew the man was sincere, but he would have to see it all happen for himself to truly believe it.

"Thank you," he murmured into Tony's shoulder, exhaustion suddenly weighing him down.

"You never have to thank me for this, kid, but I understand, and you are so welcome."

They didn't speak for a while again, not until Peter's head shifted, and he flinched from the sudden return of pain at the movement which Tony immediately noticed.

"Whoa, hey, you’re actually supposed to take it easy there, bud. You almost had a cracked skull, which we'll talk about how you got another time, but it's just a mild concussion at this point thanks to that metabolism of yours."

"Oh." Peter's voice was a bit small at that revelation. "I didn't know it was that bad."

Tony shook his head. "Didn't—you know what? We'll get to that later okay, for now I'm gonna call Cho and see if it's fine for you to go back to sleep. If you can, you're gonna take another nap and then when you wake up, I'm sure Pepper and the others will be awake by then and I can call them down for us to all talk this through, okay?"

With a mumbled agreement, it was only then that Peter saw the digital clock on the table next to his bed, the neon red numbers displaying a bright 04:17 AM.

"You can go to sleep. I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"You didn't keep me up, Roo, I needed to be here, make sure you were okay. Your swan dive at the dinner table gave me a few more grey hairs than I'm willing to admit, you know," Tony quickly reassured him.

He spoke again before Peter could go on target of apologies he knew would happen. "I'm gonna get Cho. We'll talk later, okay? I promise, bud, I'm not gonna leave you alone again."

Peter relented and Tony only left to find Cho once he had heard an "Okay" from the teen.

He came back with Helen in tow, the doctor glancing at the monitor and checking him over before announcing that it was fine for Peter to sleep

He drifted off with Tony once again in the chair beside him.

Maybe things would change from now.

---

Things did change. It took far longer than any of them had hoped for, so many habits had to be changed, trust had to be earned.

It took months of communication and even the occasional therapy session. It was draining and there were so many setbacks, slips, and mountains to climb.

It took misunderstandings, arguments, hurt and confused feelings, and so many more that just those two. With each rift that the family repaired, it felt like another would take its place but dammit if the end result wasn't worth it all.

Peter wasn't sure of the exact moment that it changed for the better. If he was being honest, he didn't think there was just one single moment where they all just clicked back together.

There was one thing, however, that he knew would stay in his memory for the rest of his life, and it happened when Tony picked him up for school one day.

Peter had walked out of school, calling out a goodbye to Ned and MJ as he did, when he caught sight of Tony's car in the parking lot.

He darted towards it, excited that it was Tony, his dad, picking him up and setting this time aside for them.

When he opened the car door, he paused. On the seat was a McDonald's paper take-out bag and Peter could see a drinks cup in the holder next to the seat as well.

"Hey, kid. C'mon, get your butt in the car. I have the seat warmer on, but I know you don't like takeout when it's sat for too long, so if you want it fresh, you better get a move on." Tony smiled at him, the corner of his eyes creasing at the smile and "thank you" that Peter shot back at him.

Peter shrugged his backpack off to the floor in front of the seat and picked up the takeout. He slid into the seat and pulled the door closed before eagerly tucking into the McDonald's waiting for him.

When he opened the bag, he was momentarily stunned. Inside was his favourite chicken burger meal. He took a glance at the drink and saw it was the same Starbucks drink that had become his favourite ever since the moment that Tony had first convinced him to try it.

Not saying anything, Peter turned slightly in his seat, watching and waiting as Tony drove them away from the school, eventually stopping at a red light. He quickly lent over the console and hugged Tony, his dad squeezing him just as tight and only pulling away when the light turned green and Tony had to drive.

It was in that little moment that Peter knew he was truly cared for, that he wasn't just forgotten. It was then that made Peter feel so incredibly loved because his dad had remembered his favourite takeout. He had remembered .

There were many other moments as well, which allowed Peter to see the work and care that he and his family had put into growing and changing, but none of them would ever be remembered just as clearly as this one.

And things were okay now. Peter had his family back.

He wasn't jealous anymore, wasn't hurt or lonely anymore.

He was okay. They all were.

#irondad #spiderson #irondad and spiderson #peter parker #tony stark #spider-man #iron man #ironman #marvel #mcu #irondad fanfic #irondad fanfiction #the friendly neighborhood exchange #fanfic #fanfiction

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