#i was miserable for 10 years trying to pick One and a year ago I said fuck to all that

[chatlote]

Goro Akechi in (some) of my dif art styles!

[mirisss]

Not So Little Anymore

Non-idol Nishimura Riki (Ni-ki) x 2 years older! female reader

Warnings: Niki is down bad for the reader, Niki is 2 years younger than reader (so reader is an 03-line), some jealousy, insecurities, Niki being angry, eating, food, reader is shorter than the guys, reader passing out, Niki injuring his arm (nothing serious), I think that’s it,  

Wordcount ≈ 14.5 k (I got carried away, as usual) Not proofread, also I wrote like 10 different versions of this so at this point, I'm not sure if everything is correct for this story but I think it is

Obsessed with Niki at the moment so I had to write this

Also featuring the other Enhypen members and some &team members, mostly Nicholas and K(Kei). 

Please reblog and like!

Third Person POV

From the beginning, (Y/n) had always thought of Niki as the “kid” of the group — younger, a little clumsy, full of endless energy and reckless smiles. Even now, when she looked at him, she still saw the boy who used to trip over his own feet trying to keep up with the older guys. To her, Niki had always been something sweet, something safe, someone who needed her to look out for him, not someone to fall for.

But Niki?

He had stopped being a boy a long time ago, at least in his own eyes.

At almost twenty, with a frame that stood tall and broad, with eyes that burned a little too intensely whenever she was near, Niki wasn’t that little kid anymore.

Not that (Y/n) seemed to notice.

She still ruffled his hair sometimes. Still smiled at him like he was made of something breakable. Still called him “little one” when she was teasing, something that made the rest of their friends either wince or fight the urge to laugh.

Because everyone knew.

Everyone but her.

Heeseung, Jay, Jake, Sunghoon, Sunoo, and Jungwon had all picked up on it ages ago, the way Niki’s eyes would soften when he looked at her, the way he sat a little closer than he needed to, the way he’d stiffen with quiet jealousy if she laughed too brightly at one of them. It was written all over him, plain and painful.

But (Y/n) never saw it.

To Niki, the others were all men in her eyes: strong, confident, worthy of her admiration. But him? He was just… Niki. The little brother. The kid who followed her around and looked at her like she hung the stars herself.

It wasn’t fair, really, the way his heart ached every time she glanced past him.

But that didn’t stop him.

He would make her see.

Someday soon, he would show her he wasn’t just the “cute younger guy” anymore.

He was hers — if only she would realize it.

~~~

The living room of the shared house buzzed with low conversation and the sound of a movie playing half-forgotten in the background. It was a little cramped, eight people living together in a house meant for six, but somehow it worked. They fought, sure, over stupid things like dishes and bathroom schedules, but at the end of the day, they were family.

Even Heeseung, who had graduated last year, still lived with them.

He said he was “too emotionally attached” to move out, though everyone suspected it was more about the fear of missing out.

Tonight, they were all gathered around, Jake sprawled across the floor, Sunghoon and Jay sharing the bigger couch, Sunoo and Jungwon squished together on the other end, (Y/n) perched comfortably between them, and Niki sitting alone in the old armchair by the window.

He tried not to look too miserable.

He failed.

“So then,” (Y/n) was saying, waving her hands animatedly, “he shows up twenty minutes late, and when I asked if he got stuck in traffic, he just said, ‘Nah, I lost track of time playing video games.’”

The group groaned collectively.

“You’re kidding,” Sunoo said, making a face. “That’s so—ugh.”

“And!” (Y/n) continued, her voice rising with disbelief, “he spent the whole dinner talking about himself. I don’t think he asked me a single question. Not one!”

Jake whistled low. “Oof. Major red flag.”

Jay shook his head. “People have no game these days.”

Niki bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to hurt, trying to keep the words locked inside. Of course he didn’t deserve you. No one does.

His hands tightened around the armrests of the chair, knuckles whitening.

He wished he could just say it, scream it if he had to, that she didn’t need to waste her time on idiots who didn’t even see her properly.

Because he saw her.

Every little thing.

Every smile, every sigh, every frustrated roll of her eyes when she thought no one was watching.

But he stayed quiet.

He always did.

“Honestly, (Y/n),” Sunghoon said with a teasing grin, “at this rate, you’re gonna have to lower your standards.”

“Or raise them,” Heeseung offered, smirking. “You deserve someone who actually pays attention to you.”

Niki’s chest twisted at Heeseung’s words, half wanting to hug him, half wanting to punch a wall. Yeah. Someone like me.

(Y/n) laughed, tossing her head back a little, unaware of the silent storm brewing just a few feet away. “Maybe I should just stay single forever. Less hassle.”

“Or,” Jungwon piped up, glancing meaningfully at Niki, “maybe someone closer than you think already likes you.”

The room went still for a split second.

(Y/n) laughed it off, thinking Jungwon was just being playful.

“Aww, Wonnie, if you’re volunteering, you’re a little too young for me,” she teased, ruffling his hair.

Niki felt like sinking into the floor.

“Hey!” Jungwon protested, slapping her hand away with a mock glare while everyone else chuckled.

Niki stared down at his hands, jaw clenched.

Too young.

That’s how she saw him. Always had. Always would.

The movie flickered across the screen, ignored.

The others fell back into easy chatter.

But Niki sat there in his chair, sulking quietly, heart pounding, wishing he could be brave enough to change her mind.

One day.

Just not yet.

~~~

The kitchen was bathed in soft morning light, a golden haze slipping through the windows. (Y/n) stood in front of the cabinets, pajama pants hanging loose on her hips, hair still messy from sleep, and a deep frown creasing her features.

She hopped lightly on her toes, fingers stretching toward the highest shelf, where, cruelly, her favorite cereal had been stashed. She barely brushed the bottom of the box before it shifted farther out of reach.

“Ugh,” she groaned under her breath, glaring up as if the cereal had personally offended her.

Behind her, footsteps padded softly against the floorboards. Niki strolled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes sleepily, hair sticking up a little in the back. He caught sight of her struggle instantly and smirked, a slow, lazy smile that lit up his whole face.

Perfect.

Leaning casually against the counter for a second, arms crossed, he watched her jump again, completely ineffective but adorable.

Then, pushing off the counter, he stepped up behind her.

“Need some help, shorty?” he drawled, voice still husky from sleep.

(Y/n) turned, blinking up at him, clearly just noticing he was there. “Huh? Oh—” she started, but before she could finish, Niki reached effortlessly above her, muscles in his arms flexing slightly beneath the loose sleeves of his t-shirt as he grabbed the box in one smooth motion.

He handed it to her with a cocky little grin.

And for just a heartbeat, he lingered close, close enough for her to notice that he had gotten taller than her. Way taller. Close enough for her to see that the angles of his face weren’t those of a boy anymore but of someone growing into his own.

But if (Y/n) noticed, she didn’t show it.

She just grinned, taking the cereal from his hand. “Thanks, skyscraper,” she said teasingly, ruffling his hair before turning away to sit at the table.

Niki froze.

Hair ruffled. Again.

He stared after her, heart dropping straight into his stomach.

Skyscraper.

Thanks.

No second glance. No lingering look of surprise at how tall he’d gotten, how broad his shoulders were now. No blush, no flustered stammering. Nothing.

Just the same old (Y/n).

Niki dropped heavily into the chair across from her, sulking without even trying to hide it this time.

“You’re welcome,” he muttered under his breath, resting his chin in his hand as he watched her pour her cereal, completely oblivious to the battle raging inside of him.

One day, he promised himself.

One day she would look at him and see.

But for now, he shoved his frustration down deep, focusing instead on memorizing the way her nose scrunched a little when she concentrated on pouring just the right amount of milk.

Still his girl.

She just didn’t know it yet.

~~~

(Y/n) scarfed down the last few bites of her cereal, totally oblivious to the stormy cloud hovering over Niki’s head. She checked the time on her phone and jumped up with a little gasp.

“Ah! I’m gonna be late!” she said, shoving her bowl into the sink with a loud clatter.

Niki stood up halfway from his chair, almost like he wanted to say something — anything — to make her stay just a little longer. But all he managed was a quiet, “Good luck,” as she hurried out of the kitchen, throwing him a distracted thumbs-up over her shoulder.

The second she disappeared down the hall, the kitchen door swung open again — and in strolled Jake and Sunoo, both looking far too energetic for this early in the morning.

Jake immediately caught sight of Niki’s face and snorted. “Man, you look like someone kicked your puppy.”

Sunoo dropped himself dramatically into the seat next to Niki, eyeing him with a knowing smirk. “Or like someone stole your girl.”

Niki scowled, slouching further down into his chair. “Shut up,” he muttered.

Jake laughed as he made his way to the fridge. “Bro, you’re so obvious it’s painful. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were gonna start crying into your cereal.”

Sunoo leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand. “Seriously, what’s eating you this time? She just thanked you.”

Niki let out a bitter, humorless laugh. “Yeah. She thanked me. Called me ‘skyscraper’ like I’m some little kid who just happened to get tall overnight.”

Jake raised an eyebrow. “You did get stupid tall overnight.”

“That’s not the point!” Niki groaned, running a frustrated hand through his hair. He stared at the tabletop like it had personally betrayed him. “She still thinks of me as a kid. She doesn’t see me, not really.”

Sunoo tilted his head. “She’ll come around, Niki. It’s just gonna take a little time.”

Niki shook his head, bitterness rising in his throat. “No, you don’t get it,” he muttered. “The other day — when we were all in the living room — she said Jungwon was ‘too young’ for her.”

He looked up at them, voice tight. “Jungwon. He’s only a year older than me. If he’s too young for her, what the hell does that make me?”

Jake’s teasing grin faltered slightly, replaced by something softer.

Sunoo winced. “Damn. That’s rough.”

“I’m never gonna be anything more than the kid she grew up babysitting,” Niki mumbled, sinking lower into his seat.

Jake crossed his arms over his chest, thinking. “You’re taller than half the guys she’s dated,” he said eventually. “You’re more mature than most of them too, even if you don’t always act like it.”

Sunoo smiled encouragingly. “And honestly, you grew into your face pretty nicely,” he teased, elbowing him lightly. “You’re not the same kid anymore.”

Niki didn’t look convinced.

He let out a sigh, propping his forehead against the table dramatically.

“One day,” Jake said with a small shrug, grabbing a carton of juice from the fridge, “she’s gonna look at you and realize you’ve been standing there the whole time. Waiting for her.”

“Yeah,” Sunoo chimed in, patting Niki’s back. “And until then, we’ll be here… making fun of you mercilessly.”

Niki groaned again into the wood. “Best friends ever.”

Jake laughed, ruffling his hair as he passed. “You’re welcome, skyscraper.”

And as the early morning light filled the kitchen, Niki stayed slumped over the table — stuck between wanting to grow up faster and desperately wishing (Y/n) would just finally see that he already had.

~~~

The final class of the day was always a drag, and today was no exception. The low hum of the lecture hall filled the air, students already half-zoned out before the professor even started speaking.

(Y/n) trudged in, dragging her backpack behind her like a defeated soldier. She slumped into her usual seat, rubbing her tired eyes.

A soft thud on the desk in front of her made her look up.

Niki stood there, holding out an iced tea and a small bag of snacks — her favorites.

No words, just a quiet offering.

Her whole face lit up in surprise, a sleepy smile tugging at her lips. “Oh my god, you’re a lifesaver,” she said, taking the drink eagerly. Without thinking, she reached up and ruffled his hair — again — like she always did. “Such a good little kid.”

Niki stiffened.

The words hit him like a punch to the gut.

Little kid.

Good little kid.

He forced a strained smile as he dropped into the seat beside her, but inside he was burning. He stared straight ahead as the lecture began, arms crossed tightly over his chest, tapping his foot in a restless rhythm against the floor.

(Y/n) sipped her tea happily at first, then glanced sideways at him.

He wasn’t smiling.

He wasn’t joking around like he normally did.

He wasn’t even pretending to listen to the lecture, he was just sitting there, sulking, a storm cloud practically hanging over his head.

Frowning, she leaned over and whispered, “Hey… you okay?”

He opened his mouth, ready to brush it off, when another voice cut through the small space between them.

“Hey, (Y/n).”

They both turned.

Standing next to their row was Nicholas, tall, handsome, charming. He was friends with Jake and Heeseung, a familiar face around their house parties and study groups. He flashed (Y/n) a confident smile, running a hand through his perfectly styled hair.

“I was wondering,” Nicholas said casually, “if you’d wanna grab coffee with me sometime? Or, uh—tea,” he added quickly, glancing at the drink in her hand with an easy laugh.

Niki felt something ugly twist in his chest.

Before (Y/n) could even answer, Niki was already shoving his books into his bag with jerky movements.

She turned toward him, startled. “Niki—”

But he didn’t look at her. He didn’t say anything. He just stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder roughly.

And then he was walking away, his long strides carrying him toward the door without a single glance back.

(Y/n) watched him go, confusion knotting in her stomach.

Nicholas shifted awkwardly beside her. “Was it something I said?”

She shook her head slowly, forcing a small, distracted smile. “No. It’s not you. Sorry.”

But even as she turned back to face Nicholas, her thoughts lingered somewhere else — trailing after Niki’s retreating figure and the hurt he hadn’t even tried to hide.

~~~

(Y/n) shifted awkwardly in her seat after Niki left, still feeling the strange weight in the air he’d left behind.

Nicholas, seeming to pick up on the tension, scratched the back of his neck and gave her a sheepish smile.

“Uh — just to be clear,” he said, lowering his voice, “when I asked you out… I meant like, as friends. Not, like, a date date.”

(Y/n) blinked in surprise before laughing softly. “Oh, thank God.”

Nicholas grinned. “No offense — you’re super hot and all. Just… not really my type, y’know?”

She snorted, taking a sip of her tea. “Right back at you.”

The easy banter melted the lingering awkwardness, and when the lecture ended, they decided to walk to a nearby café together. It was nice, casual, relaxed. Nicholas was easy to talk to, which was probably why he got along so well with the guys at the house.

But still, somewhere in the back of her mind, (Y/n) kept replaying Niki’s sudden exit over and over.

It bothered her.

More than she wanted to admit.

As they sat down at a small table with their drinks, hers a sweet tea, his a plain coffee, she hesitated for a moment before blurting out, “Hey… do you have any idea what’s going on with Niki?”

Nicholas lifted his cup, thinking for a second.

“I mean…” he shrugged, noncommittally. “He seemed fine earlier when I saw him. Maybe he’s just tired? It’s been a long week for everyone.”

(Y/n) frowned, swirling her straw in her cup distractedly. “Yeah, but… he usually doesn’t just storm out like that.”

Nicholas looked at her carefully, choosing his words.

He had his suspicions.

It wasn’t exactly hard to notice the way Niki’s eyes always followed her around the house, or how he lit up the second she smiled at him, or, conversely, how he visibly deflated when she joked about him being a kid.

But Nicholas also knew it wasn’t his place to say it out loud.

Not like this.

Not when it clearly wasn’t something (Y/n) had figured out for herself yet.

So he just smiled a little and said, “Maybe he’s just… dealing with stuff. You know how it is. Sometimes people have bad days.”

(Y/n) nodded slowly, not entirely convinced, but letting it go for now.

Still, the image of Niki’s face, the way he wouldn’t meet her eyes, the frustration written all over his shoulders, stayed with her.

And for the first time in a long time, she wondered if maybe there was something about Niki she hadn’t quite been seeing.

~~~

Later that evening, the house was filled with the delicious smell of dinner. (Y/n) and Jungwon were at the kitchen counter, working together to prepare a meal. The chatter between them was light and easy, with Jungwon laughing at something (Y/n) said.

Jake, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the couch, looking half-dead from an entire day spent immersed in math. His eyes were barely open, and his hand instinctively reached for the bag of chips beside him as he mumbled something incoherent, too tired to care about anything else.

When the boys came back from the gym, they didn’t say much. Heeseung and Sunghoon exchanged a few words with Jungwon and (Y/n) as they grabbed snacks from the pantry, but there was something about Niki that stood out. He didn’t laugh along with the others. He didn’t joke. He just silently moved around, quietly trying to help clear the table after dinner, like he was trying to make himself useful to avoid being asked about the obvious injury on his arm.

It wasn’t until he pushed himself to the sink that (Y/n) noticed.

“Wait a second…”

She froze, eyes narrowing as she looked more closely.

Niki had a bandage wrapped around his bicep, and the way he was holding his arm — stiff, almost guarded — immediately caught her attention. Her heart skipped a beat.

“Hey, what happened to your arm?” she asked, her voice soft but laced with concern.

Niki didn’t immediately look up. He was pretending to focus on rinsing the dishes, his expression unreadable.

“It’s nothing.” His voice was flat, dismissive.

(Y/n) didn’t buy it. She was already moving closer, her hand gently resting on his shoulder as she guided him toward one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

“Niki.” Her voice softened, more insistent now. “Come sit down. Let me look at it.”

He hesitated for a moment, but when she gently urged him again, he sighed in defeat and sat down.

She knelt in front of him, her fingers gently peeling back the edge of the bandage to see the injury underneath. The muscle looked strained, and even just touching it caused him to wince slightly.

“You’re hurt,” (Y/n) said softly, frowning as she studied him closely. She felt a sharp pang of worry — for him, for how much he was clearly hiding.

Niki looked away, trying to pull his arm back, but she was insistent. “I’m fine,” he muttered, his tone stiff. “Just… strained it while lifting weights.”

“That’s not fine,” she said, looking up at him, her face now marked with genuine concern. She got up to grab some soothing ointment from the medicine cabinet. As she walked back toward him, she couldn’t help but lightly scold, “You’re so reckless sometimes, Niki. You should have known better than to push yourself like that.”

Niki clenched his jaw. He was starting to get frustrated, his shoulders tight with the tension he couldn’t seem to shake off. He’d been trying to just get over it — to bottle everything up — but the more (Y/n) hovered over him, the more it felt like he was going to snap.

She sat down beside him, gently applying the ointment to his strained muscle, her touch soft but firm.

But then he couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled back, his voice sharp with frustration. “Stop!”

(Y/n) blinked in surprise, her fingers pausing. “Niki?”

“Stop treating me like a kid,” he snapped, his gaze fierce. “I’m not a kid anymore. I’m an adult.” His chest rose and fell with the intensity of his words. “I don’t need you to coddle me. I don’t need you to act like I can’t take care of myself.”

For a moment, there was silence between them. His words hung heavy in the air, the hurt and frustration in his voice undeniable. (Y/n) opened her mouth to say something, but he quickly stood up, his movements stiff as he threw his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not your little brother, (Y/n). I’m not… the kid you grew up with. I’m me.” His voice was raw, laced with an anger he hadn’t quite known how to release until now.

(Y/n) stood frozen, her heart pounding. She had no idea how to respond. This wasn’t the Niki she was used to.

She had never seen him like this — so angry, so frustrated. But more than that, it hit her hard: maybe she had been the one holding him back all along, treating him like someone he wasn’t anymore.

The room felt tense, the air thick between them. (Y/n) finally took a breath, her voice quieter but still filled with worry. “Niki… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

He didn’t answer, his back to her as he stood by the table, his jaw clenched tight.

It felt like the walls between them had gotten taller in just a few seconds. He had always been the younger one, the “little brother” to everyone. But now… the truth was clear. He had changed, grown, become someone different, someone who was no longer content to live in the shadows of others.

And (Y/n) wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

~~~

The sound of water running filled the otherwise quiet kitchen.

(Y/n) stood at the sink, mechanically washing dishes, her shoulders slightly hunched and her head bowed. She blinked hard a few times, willing away the stinging in her eyes — but it didn’t help much.

She didn’t even hear Jungwon approach until he was right beside her, towel in hand, quietly taking a plate she had just washed.

“You okay?” he asked gently, his voice low so that only she could hear.

(Y/n) startled slightly, then gave a weak smile. “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.”

Jungwon raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You don’t look fine.”

That was all it took.

(Y/n) let out a shaky breath and bit her lip, focusing a little too hard on scrubbing the next plate.

“I think I upset Niki,” she said quietly, her voice trembling just a little. “I… I didn’t mean to. I just… I’m worried about him. And he got mad. Really mad.”

Jungwon nodded, taking the plate from her hands and setting it aside to dry.

“What happened?”

She sniffled softly, drying her hands before leaning against the counter. “I saw he hurt his arm, and I got worried. I guess I was treating him like… like I always have. You know? Like a little kid who needed taking care of. And he just… snapped. Said he’s not a kid anymore. That he’s an adult now.”

Her voice cracked a little on the word adult, and Jungwon could see the genuine worry in her eyes.

She wasn’t upset because he yelled.

She was upset because she had hurt him, even without meaning to.

Jungwon sighed, resting the towel over his shoulder, thinking for a moment before he spoke.

“(Y/n)…” he started carefully, “we’ve all seen it happen. Niki growing up, changing. He’s not the same kid he was when we all first met.”

(Y/n) glanced up at him, her brows knit together tightly.

“You’re not wrong to care about him,” Jungwon continued. “But…” He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “You’re the only one who still treats him like he’s stuck in time. Like he’s still that teenage boy who needed someone to tie his shoelaces for him.”

He gave a small, almost fond smile at the memory.

“But he’s different now. He’s taller than all of us, stronger. He’s been through stuff you haven’t seen. And… as one of the youngest in this house, I get it.”

He picked up another plate, drying it absentmindedly as he spoke.

“When people look at you like you’re still a kid, even when you’re trying your hardest to prove you’re not… it kinda feels like they don’t see you. Not really. It hurts.”

(Y/n) stared down at her hands, guilt blooming in her chest.

“I think,” Jungwon said softly, “he just wants you to see him for who he is now. Not who he used to be.”

The silence stretched between them for a moment before Jungwon gave her a little nudge with his elbow.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said gently. “You care about him. That’s the most important part.”

(Y/n) finally let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding, blinking quickly to clear her eyes.

“Thanks, Wonnie,” she murmured.

He smiled warmly at her, grabbing another dish.

“Anytime. Now hurry up — if we leave these last dishes for Jake, they’re gonna be sitting here ‘til morning.”

Despite everything, (Y/n) laughed softly, and the heaviness in her chest lightened just a little.

But even as she scrubbed the next plate, she couldn’t help but wonder:

When did Niki grow up so much… and how had she missed it?

~~~

The afternoon sun cast a warm glow over the campus yard, where groups of students gathered between classes, laughing and talking. (Y/n) sat at a table outside the café, picking half-heartedly at her sandwich as her gaze wandered across the lawn.

And there he was.

Niki.

He was with a group of friends, laughing easily, tossing a soccer ball back and forth. His body moved with a natural grace, all long limbs and effortless strength.

She watched as he spun the ball on his finger, grinning proudly when his friends cheered, then danced around in a mock celebration, his familiar laugh floating through the air.

It was the same laugh she remembered from when he was younger — pure, loud, a little uncontrollable. But everything else…

Everything else had changed.

His face was sharper now, his jawline more defined. His features had matured, lost the roundness of youth. His hair was longer, messily styled in a way that somehow made him look even older, even more untouchable. His shoulders were broad, his posture confident without being cocky. Even the way he laughed felt different — freer, maybe, like he wasn’t trying to impress anyone anymore.

And his voice — when he called out to one of his friends — was deep, low, and rich with a maturity she hadn’t fully registered until now.

(Y/n) felt a tight knot form in her chest as she watched him, a strange cocktail of emotions swirling inside her.

When did this happen?

When did he grow up so much… and how had I missed it?

The thought gnawed at her.

Maybe she hadn’t missed it.

Maybe… she just didn’t want to see it.

She rested her chin on her hand, her sandwich forgotten.

When he was younger, he’d clung to her side like a shadow — eager for attention, desperate for affection. He used to beam whenever she praised him, used to puff up with pride if she called him her “little man.”

She had been important to him back then.

Someone he needed.

But now…

Now he didn’t need her like that anymore.

He had friends, dreams, a life that didn’t orbit around her.

He had become someone independent, someone strong, someone who could stand on his own without needing her to hold his hand.

And that realization cut deeper than she expected.

Maybe she had kept seeing him as a boy because it was easier.

Because if he grew up…

If he didn’t need her anymore…

Where would that leave her?

A small, bittersweet smile tugged at her lips as she watched Niki toss the ball high into the air, laughing when one of his friends missed it.

He was still her Niki.

But he wasn’t a boy anymore.

And if she didn’t figure out how to see him for who he was now…

She was going to lose him.

Not as a little brother.

Not as the boy who needed her.

But as the man who had been standing right in front of her all along — hoping she would finally see him.

~~~

Niki wasn’t in a hurry to go home.

He knew he should be — he knew he owed (Y/n) an apology for snapping at her.

It wasn’t her fault she saw him that way.

But even knowing that, the sting of her words, her touch — ruffling his hair like he was still a kid — made something heavy settle in his chest.

He wasn’t ready to see her yet.

Not if it meant standing there while she smiled that soft, maternal smile at him again.

Not if it meant feeling like nothing he did would ever make her look at him differently.

So he stayed out.

Played a few more rounds of basketball at the gym with some friends.

Grabbed late night food at a 24-hour diner.

Laughed at dumb jokes, scrolled mindlessly through his phone.

Anything to avoid going home to her.

It wasn’t until past midnight that Niki finally gave up.

His legs ached, and the exhaustion was catching up with him.

He trudged up the familiar walkway to the shared house, his bag slung loosely over his shoulder, hoodie pulled up to shield him from the chill in the air.

Pushing the door open quietly, he was greeted by the soft hum of the TV left on in the living room.

He paused in the doorway, his heart sinking at the sight before him.

There, curled up on the couch, was (Y/n).

She was fast asleep, still in her clothes from earlier, her head tucked against the armrest.

Even in sleep, her expression wasn’t peaceful — her brows furrowed slightly, her lips pressed into a thin line.

And... tear stains on her cheeks?

Niki stood frozen for a second, guilt flooding his chest.

He swallowed thickly, running a hand through his hair.

Idiot, he cursed himself.

Despite still feeling like he needed space, he couldn’t just leave her like that.

He crossed the room slowly, crouching down beside the couch.

“(Y/n),” he whispered softly, reaching out to gently shake her shoulder.

She stirred, blinking blearily at him, her body slow and sluggish from deep sleep.

“Niki?” she mumbled, her voice hoarse and small.

“Yeah,” he said, voice low, almost hesitant. “You should go to your room. It’s late.”

She sat up slowly, rubbing at her eyes.

For a moment, she just looked at him, and in the haze of sleep, maybe in the haze of regret too, she whispered, so quietly he almost missed it:

“I’m sorry, Niki… for treating you like a kid.”

Niki’s heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

He hadn’t expected her to say anything.

Not now.

Not like this.

For a second, he didn’t know what to do.

The part of him that was still angry, still hurt, wanted to retreat.

But the bigger part — the part that had been hopelessly, stupidly in love with her for as long as he could remember — just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell her it was okay.

He exhaled slowly, standing up straight.

“Come on,” he said, voice softer than before, offering her his hand. “Let’s get you to bed.”

(Y/n) gave a small, tired nod and took his hand without hesitation.

Her fingers curled trustingly around his, just like they used to when he was little and she was the only person he’d ever looked up to.

But this time…

This time, Niki didn’t feel like a little kid being led around.

This time, he was the one steadying her.

And maybe… just maybe…

things were starting to change.

~~~

The tension between Niki and (Y/n) lingered, a heavy thing that settled between them like an invisible wall.

They had talked, in a way, but it wasn’t enough to clear the air completely.

Not yet.

The others noticed, of course.

Shared glances across the dinner table, silent conversations with their eyes.

But no one said anything out loud.

And maybe that was why it was so easy for everyone to miss how exhausted (Y/n) was getting.

At first, it just seemed normal.

Exam season was brutal.

Everyone was running on fumes, pulling all-nighters, surviving off instant noodles and cold coffee.

But as the days wore on, Niki started to notice the little things.

The way (Y/n)’s head would droop during study sessions.

How she’d stare blankly at her notes, blinking slow and heavy.

The dark circles that had bloomed under her eyes like bruises.

The way her hands would tremble when she thought no one was looking.

Still, he convinced himself she’d be okay.

(Y/n) was strong.

She always pushed through.

But today…

Today was different.

Their shared class had a big presentation — the final one before exams.

The room was packed, students nervously shuffling papers, tapping their feet.

Niki sat toward the middle, restless, his knee bouncing under the desk.

When it was (Y/n)’s turn, she stepped up to the front of the room, clutching her notes in shaking hands.

Niki sat forward slightly, sensing something off immediately.

She looked… fragile.

Pale.

Her voice, usually steady and confident, was thin and wavering.

As she spoke, Niki’s eyes never left her.

He saw everything.

The slight sway of her stance.

The way she gripped the edge of the podium like it was the only thing keeping her upright.

The way her sentences started to blur together, her eyes unfocused.

His chest tightened.

Something wasn’t right.

Then, just as she wrapped up her last sentence, it happened.

Her knees buckled.

Her body tilted sideways.

And before anyone else in the room even processed what was happening, Niki was already moving.

He didn’t remember standing up.

Didn’t remember pushing his chair back so fast it screeched against the floor.

All he knew was that suddenly he was beside her, catching her just before she hit the ground.

“(Y/n)!” he gasped, panic surging through him.

He cradled her head carefully, easing her down as gently as he could.

Her face was deathly pale, her breathing shallow but steady.

The professor rushed over, the class erupting into murmurs and concerned whispers.

But Niki tuned it all out.

It was just him and her.

“Hey, wake up,” he whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her face with trembling fingers. “Come on, (Y/n)… please…”

She didn’t stir.

Heeseung, Jay, and Sunghoon appeared out of nowhere, pushing through the crowd.

Jay knelt beside him, his face tense.

“She needs to get to the nurse. Now.”

Niki didn’t hesitate.

Carefully, he scooped her up into his arms, ignoring the sting in his strained bicep, ignoring the shocked gasps from their classmates.

(Y/n) was light — too light — and limp against him.

“Move!” he barked, voice rougher than he’d ever used in class, clearing a path as he carried her out the door.

His heart hammered against his ribs with every step.

All the tension, the anger, the awkwardness from the past few days melted away, replaced with one overwhelming thought:

I can’t lose her.

~~~

The sky outside had long since fallen into darkness, the faint glow of the campus lights filtering through the small window of the nurse’s office.

It had been four hours since (Y/n) first passed out, and finally, her lashes fluttered open.

The room swam before her eyes, the world moving sluggishly as her body struggled to fully wake up.

For a moment, panic clutched at her chest — unfamiliar ceiling, sterile smell of antiseptic — where was she?

But then… she felt it.

The solid, grounding weight in her hand.

Slowly, she turned her head, her vision clearing just enough to see a familiar messy head of hair resting on the edge of the bed, Niki’s fingers still loosely intertwined with hers.

Even in sleep, he held on.

Her heart ached, too full with something she couldn’t name.

Without thinking, she lifted her free hand and ran it through his hair, her fingers gently brushing against his scalp in a soft, affectionate touch.

Niki stirred almost immediately.

Blinking blearily, he sat up straight, his eyes finding hers with a sharpness that instantly shifted into frantic worry.

“(Y/n)!” he gasped, sitting up so fast he almost knocked his chair over. “Are you okay? Are you dizzy? Does your head hurt? You need water— wait, don’t sit up too fast!”

She blinked at him in stunned silence.

He was… yelling at her.

Half-scolding, half-panicking — but there was no mistaking the authority in his voice.

He wasn’t the kid she used to babysit anymore.

This was a young man, one who was terrified for her but standing steady, not running away from the fear.

“(Y/n),” he huffed, exasperated after seeing her still dazed expression. “You scared the hell out of me.”

His voice cracked just a little on the last word.

Her chest squeezed painfully.

“I…” she started, her voice hoarse. She had to swallow before she could speak properly. “I’m sorry, Niki.”

He shook his head immediately, squeezing her hand lightly.

“You should be apologizing to yourself, not me,” he muttered. “You push yourself way too hard.”

For a moment, she just stared at him, the tenderness of his scolding washing over her like warm water.

Then, slowly, she smiled — soft, tired, but genuine.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her thumb brushing over the back of his hand. “For staying with me.”

Niki’s gaze softened at that.

He squeezed her hand again and shrugged like it was obvious.

“Of course I stayed,” he said. “You hate being alone when you’re sick.”

(Y/n) froze slightly at that.

Her smile faltered for half a second.

That was… something she had told him years ago.

Back when she first started babysitting him, when he was just a little boy clinging to her side, scared of thunderstorms and fevers.

She had never mentioned it again.

Not once.

And yet, he remembered.

All this time.

She blinked rapidly, forcing back the sudden sting of tears that weren’t from exhaustion this time.

Instead, she let herself smile wider, a soft, touched kind of smile that made Niki’s heart stutter.

“You remembered that?” she asked, voice cracking slightly.

He ducked his head shyly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I remember everything about you.”

The words hung between them, thick and heavy and unspoken.

For the first time, (Y/n) looked at him — really looked at him.

And for the first time, she didn’t see the boy who needed her.

She saw the man who had always, quietly, chosen her.

~~~

The moment (Y/n) stepped through the front door, she was ambushed.

Jake was the first to reach her, throwing his arms around her like a koala, nearly knocking the air out of her tired lungs.

“Don’t ever do that again!” he whined dramatically, pulling away to look at her face as if to double-check she was really standing.

Before she could even respond, Sunghoon was there, gently ruffling her hair and scolding her with a worried frown, while Sunoo hovered by her side, shoving a blanket into her hands.

Jay appeared from the kitchen, a proud smile on his face.

“I made your favorite,” he announced. “You’re eating everything, no arguments.”

Heeseung leaned over the couch with a soft grin. “And we got snacks. Like, a lot of snacks. Enough for a whole week of feeling sorry for yourself.”

(Y/n) felt her heart swell at the sight of all of them — her odd, chaotic little family — fussing over her like she was something precious.

She laughed, the sound a little hoarse but genuine, and let herself be guided to the couch where Jungwon had already made space for her.

The evening passed in a warm, happy blur.

The boys kept the conversation light, switching between ridiculous debates about movies, funny childhood stories, and bad impressions of each other.

(Y/n) found herself relaxing, her body still weak but her heart lighter.

The fatigue of the past week started to lift, replaced by the familiar comfort of being surrounded by people who loved her.

And yet, somewhere in the middle of Jay arguing passionately with Jake about whether cereal counted as soup, something flickered at the back of her mind.

A memory.

Or maybe… a dream?

The nurses office.

Niki’s voice, low and serious, saying:

“This is just what you do for the person you love. Being in love makes you stupid.”

(Y/n) stiffened slightly, the blanket slipping a little off her lap as the memory came into sharper focus.

Had she imagined it?

Had she been so out of it that her brain invented the words she had secretly wanted to hear?

Or had Niki actually said it?

She wasn’t sure.

But even the thought — even the possibility — made something stir deep inside her.

Something unfamiliar.

Something terrifying.

Something… exciting.

Almost as if pulled by a force she couldn’t control, her eyes drifted across the room.

And there he was.

Niki.

Leaning back in the armchair, long legs stretched out in front of him, laughing at something Heeseung had just said.

The golden light from the lamp softened his features, but it didn’t hide how sharp they had become — the strong jawline, the way his nose crinkled when he smiled, the way his entire body moved with a casual confidence he hadn’t had just a few years ago.

(Y/n) stared at him, really stared, and suddenly, her heart gave a small, traitorous skip.

It had never done that before.

And in that instant, she realized —

Maybe it wasn’t that Niki had changed.

Maybe it was her who was finally seeing him for who he truly was.

~~~

After two full days of being confined to the house — much to her frustration but to the boys’ immense relief — (Y/n) was finally feeling well enough to step back into the world of university life.

Wrapped in a cozy sweater and with a strict promise to “take it easy” weighing heavily on her shoulders, she headed onto campus, the spring morning air crisp and fresh.

Yet as she walked, her thoughts weren’t on classes or exams.

They were on Niki.

Specifically, on the words that had been haunting her ever since that night in the nurse’s office.

“This is what you do for the person you love. Being in love makes you stupid.”

Had he really said it?

Or had her feverish, delirious mind invented it because deep down, she wanted it to be true?

She needed answers.

And she needed someone to help her untangle the knot that had formed in her chest — someone outside of her chaotic household, someone she could trust to be honest with her without immediately running off to tell Niki.

There was only one person she could think of.

Nicholas.

Their last conversation had been easy, natural, and she had a feeling he could help her make sense of the whirlwind inside her.

So the second she arrived at campus, she started looking around, scanning the familiar courtyard until she spotted him sitting at one of the picnic tables under a tree, laughing with two other guys she vaguely recognized — EJ and Yuma.

Without much thought, she hurried over, slowing only when she got close enough to not look desperate.

“Nicholas,” she called softly.

His blood red dyed hair bounced as he turned at the sound of his name, his easy grin lighting up his face.

“Hey, (Y/n)! Feeling better?” he asked, his tone genuinely kind.

“Yeah, a lot better, thanks,” she said quickly, shooting an apologetic smile at EJ and Yuma before adding, “Would you mind if I steal him for a little bit?”

The two boys shared a look, then chuckled, waving her off like they already knew better than to get involved.

Nicholas stood up without question, slinging his backpack over one shoulder.

“Of course. You okay?” he asked as he fell into step beside her.

“I… don’t know,” she admitted, fiddling with the sleeve of her sweater. “That’s kind of why I need to talk to you.”

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t push, following her toward a quieter corner of campus where they could sit under the shade of a tree away from the rush of students.

Once they sat down, Nicholas gave her his full attention, his usual teasing demeanor replaced with something more serious and patient.

“Alright. What’s on your mind?”

(Y/n) hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip.

How was she even supposed to bring this up without sounding ridiculous?

But Nicholas waited, no judgment in his eyes.

“It’s about Niki…” she finally said in a small voice.

Nicholas leaned back, crossing his arms loosely.

“Figured.”

She gave him a half-hearted glare, but her heart wasn’t really in it.

“I… I think he might feel something for me. I mean— I don’t know for sure. And even if he did, it’s not like I ever… I mean, he’s younger and I always just…” She trailed off, frustrated with herself.

Nicholas chuckled softly.

“(Y/n), slow down. Breathe. Talk to me.”

She did, inhaling deeply before explaining everything — the words she thought she heard, the way Niki had taken care of her, the way he had yelled at her with worry in his voice, the way he had changed in her eyes seemingly overnight.

The way her heart had jumped for the first time.

When she finished, she sat there, staring at her hands in her lap, feeling vulnerable and stupid.

Nicholas was quiet for a moment before he spoke, his voice gentle.

“You know… sometimes the people we’re closest to change right in front of us, and we don’t notice because we’re so stuck on how they used to be.”

(Y/n) swallowed thickly, nodding.

“And honestly?” Nicholas continued with a small, knowing smile, “If you’re feeling even a little bit like your heart’s skipping because of him… doesn’t that already tell you something?”

She looked up at him, wide-eyed.

Nicholas shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You don’t look at someone like that unless you care about them a lot more than just a friend. Or a kid you used to babysit.”

The words hit her harder than she expected, a lump forming in her throat.

Nicholas laughed a little to lighten the mood.

“Besides, Niki’s not exactly subtle. If you even think he said something like that about love, I’m willing to bet he meant it.”

(Y/n) bit her lip, her heart pounding.

She still didn’t know exactly what to do — but for the first time, it felt like she was seeing the path ahead a little more clearly.

Nicholas nudged her with his elbow.

“You’ll figure it out. Just… don’t take too long. Some things are worth being a little brave for.”

And as she sat there, the sun shining through the leaves above them, she realized he was right.

Maybe it was time she stopped being afraid of seeing Niki for who he had become — and maybe… for who he had always been.

~~~

What (Y/n) didn’t see — too caught up in her whirlwind of emotions as she sat talking with Nicholas under the tree — was a figure standing across the campus yard.

Niki.

He had just been on his way back from grabbing some lunch, planning to maybe — just maybe — find a way to talk to her if he spotted her.

But now, there he was, frozen in place, a bag dangling from his fingers as he watched her sitting with Nicholas, their heads bent close together, deep in conversation.

The sight made something sharp twist in his chest.

He couldn’t hear what they were saying from this distance, but he didn’t need to.

It was the way she leaned in, the way Nicholas smiled at her — relaxed, easy, familiar.

He felt the jealousy and insecurity bubble up inside him like a volcano about to erupt.

Did she like him? Was that why she had gone looking for him?

Had he lost before he even had a chance?

The irrational urge to storm across the grass and pull her away was almost overwhelming.

His fists clenched at his sides, his heart thundering in his ears.

“No,” he told himself, trying to take a deep breath. “You can’t just… pull her away like that. You don’t even know what they’re talking about.”

But the ache didn’t lessen.

Until—

He saw it.

Nicholas reaching out, ruffling (Y/n)’s hair, laughing as he did — the same way (Y/n) always ruffled his hair when she was teasing or comforting him.

And just like that, something inside Niki deflated.

Nicholas didn’t like her — at least not in that way.

The gesture was too casual, too brotherly.

It wasn’t the way you touched someone you had romantic feelings for.

Relief flooded through him, enough that his tense shoulders relaxed slightly.

But even then, a small twinge of jealousy remained, stubborn and bitter.

It wasn’t just about romance.

Nicholas could talk to her easily.

Could make her laugh.

Could listen to her worries without the complicated mess of emotions weighing every word.

And Niki wanted to be that person for her.

More than anything.

He stayed there for a while longer, watching from afar, the bag of food forgotten in his hand, before finally turning away with a heavy heart.

He would give her time.

Time to figure things out.

Time to maybe… start seeing him the way he saw her.

He could only hope she would.

~~~

Before Nicholas left to rejoin his friends, he gave her a warm, brotherly smile and said,

“If you’re really thankful, do something for him. Something that shows you see him — not as a kid, but as Niki.”

(Y/n) tucked those words into her heart like a secret treasure.

It was a great idea.

Only… what exactly should she do?

She wanted it to be perfect — something that said thank you but also quietly whispered I see you now.

She thought about buying him movie tickets — he loved going to the theater after all — but almost immediately scrapped the idea.

Too basic.

Too safe.

Too impersonal.

Niki deserved more than a quick trip to the movies.

He deserved something that really showed she had been paying attention.

Her mind buzzed with possibilities as she walked to her exam room, heart pounding for reasons that had nothing to do with the test.

By the time she sat down and the papers were handed out, her brain was running in two different directions.

One half struggled to answer questions about history and theories and dates.

The other half — the bigger half — was tangled up in thoughts of Niki.

What was his favorite thing lately?

What made him light up the way she loved seeing?

What could she give him that no one else could?

Her pen tapped restlessly against the desk, her foot bouncing under her chair.

Every few minutes, she caught herself staring off into space, lips pursed, mind painting images of Niki laughing, Niki dancing, Niki pulling her into conversation with that bright-eyed eagerness that was all his own.

At this rate, she was going to fail her exam.

But honestly?

For once, it didn’t even matter.

(Y/n) knew one thing for sure.

She needed to find the perfect way to show him she saw him.

Not as the little boy she used to babysit.

Not as the younger guy who trailed behind her and the others.

But as Niki.

Someone who mattered.

Someone she maybe — just maybe — was starting to see in a whole new light.

~~~

Even as (Y/n) pushed open the front door of the house, her mind was still a messy swirl of half-formed plans and dead ends.

She dropped her bag by the stairs and slipped her shoes off, half listening for any signs of Niki — but the house was unusually quiet.

Good.

She wasn’t ready to face him yet — not until she figured this out.

Without even thinking, her feet carried her to Sunoo’s room.

If there was anyone she could trust with this — someone who wouldn’t judge her messy feelings and would actually help her — it was Sunoo.

They were the same age, they understood each other, and most importantly, Sunoo was amazing at stuff like this.

She knocked lightly before peeking in.

“Hey… can I steal you for a second?” she asked in a small voice.

Sunoo blinked up from his phone, immediately sensing her seriousness.

Without a word, he got up and followed her into her room, where she shut the door behind them.

“Okay, what’s going on?” he asked, sitting cross-legged on her bed.

(Y/n) sat beside him, fidgeting with the hem of her sweater.

“I need your help. It’s about Niki.”

Sunoo’s eyes widened a little, curiosity sparking instantly.

“Go on,” he urged, like he was settling in for a juicy story.

“I want to… do something for him,” she said slowly. “To say thank you. And… to show him I don’t just see him as a kid anymore.”

Sunoo’s smile softened at that.

He could see it — she was trying so hard, her heart on full display, even if she hadn’t realized it herself yet.

He hummed thoughtfully, tapping his chin.

“Okay. It has to be personal. Thoughtful. Something only you would think to give him.”

(Y/n) nodded eagerly, hopeful.

“Exactly. But I don’t know what!”

They sat in silence for a moment, until suddenly Sunoo’s face lit up like a lightbulb.

He snapped his fingers.

“His dance shoes!”

(Y/n) blinked, confused.

“What about them?”

Sunoo laughed gently.

“You haven’t seen them up close lately, have you? They’re completely worn out. He keeps meaning to get new ones but keeps putting it off. Either because he’s too busy… or because he spends his money on other people instead of himself,” Sunoo said knowingly.

(Y/n)’s heart squeezed at that.

It sounded just like Niki.

Always giving. Always putting others first.

“Buy him a new pair,” Sunoo said, grinning. “Something he can actually use — and something that shows you see the real him. The dancer. The dreamer. The guy who’s grown up right in front of you.”

(Y/n) didn’t even hesitate.

She bolted upright, grabbing her bag from the floor.

“I’m going now before the stores close!” she said, excitement rushing through her veins.

Sunoo laughed as she nearly tripped over herself on the way out.

“Make sure you pick something stylish!” he called after her.

“You know he has standards!”

“I know!” she yelled back, already halfway out the door.

The sky was darkening fast as she raced down the street, her heart pounding for reasons she didn’t dare name yet.

This wasn’t just about saying thank you anymore.

This was about showing Niki — really showing him — that she saw him for everything he was.

And maybe, just maybe, it was about showing herself too.

~~~

(Y/n) practically ran the last block to the store, the “20 minutes until closing” sign glaring at her from the window as she yanked the door open, setting off the little chime above. A tired employee looked up from behind the counter but said nothing, just offered a polite nod. She gave a breathless smile in return and bolted for the back, where the athletic shoes were lined up in neat, glossy rows.

Her eyes scanned the shelves in a panic. Too flashy. Too boring. Not the right cut. Not his vibe.

It was like the clock was taunting her — every tick slicing her focus thinner.

But then — there they were.

Black with subtle gold accents, breathable but durable, made specifically for movement. They weren’t flashy, but they had personality. Stylish without screaming for attention.

Just like Niki.

She grabbed the last pair in his size, hugging the box like it was a golden trophy and practically sprinted to the register.

“Cutting it close,” the cashier joked as she rang it up.

(Y/n) gave a sheepish laugh. “I needed something perfect.”

“For a boyfriend?” the cashier teased with a knowing grin.

She hesitated… and then smiled softly.

“Something like that.”

With one minute to spare, the receipt printed, the shoes were bagged, and she was back outside — the store lights flickering off behind her as the lock clicked shut.

Standing on the sidewalk, the evening breeze brushing her face, she looked down at the bag in her hand.

A small box. But filled with so much meaning.

Please like them, she thought. Please understand what I’m trying to say.

Because this wasn’t just a thank-you gift.

This was her first real step toward showing Niki that she saw him now — not as the little boy who clung to her side all those years ago, but as the man he was becoming.

As someone who mattered to her.

She took a deep breath.

Now she just had to give them to him.

~~~

Earlier that afternoon at the University Dance Studio

The sharp beat of the music echoed through the studio as Niki spun, landed, and slid across the floor with practiced ease. Sweat clung to his neck, his breath steady but strained, his eyes locked on the mirror in front of him. The competition was just days away — everything needed to be perfect.

��From the top,” he called, trying to push through the growing ache in his arms and legs. Jungwon looked at him worriedly from across the studio but didn’t protest. Everyone knew better than to argue when Niki was like this — focused, relentless, a little bit dangerous to himself.

As the music kicked in again, Niki launched into the choreography. Halfway through the set, he pushed off for a quick jump-spin combo, but as his foot hit the ground, a sickening rip echoed beneath the music.

His body faltered.

He stumbled, barely managing to catch himself. Looking down, he saw it — the sole of his right shoe had torn completely from the upper. It flapped uselessly as he stood there, frozen.

“Niki?” Jungwon rushed to his side. “You okay?”

Niki didn’t answer. He just stared down at the ruined shoe, his jaw tightening.

“Damn it…” he muttered, voice low but sharp, like he was trying to hold in something bigger.

“You’ve had those forever,” one of the other dancers commented carefully. “Guess it was time.”

“Yeah,” Niki bit out. “Just not now.”

He dropped the shoe on the bench with more force than necessary and grabbed his bag, ignoring the looks from the others. Jungwon scrambled to follow him.

Back at the house – Present time

The front door slammed hard enough to shake the entire living room.

Heeseung jerked upright from the couch, nearly dropping his phone. “What the hell?”

Jay peeked out from his room, brow furrowed. “Is that—?”

Before either could finish their thought, Niki stormed through the house, expression thunderous, one shoeless foot only in a sock, the other still in the ruined sneaker. His dance bag was slung aggressively over his shoulder, and he didn’t say a word as he stomped past them and slammed his bedroom door shut behind him.

Jungwon entered seconds later, breathless and clearly flustered. He dropped his own bag by the door and held up his hands like he was surrendering.

“He’s pissed,” Jungwon sighed. “His shoe gave out mid-practice. Ripped all the way open.”

Heeseung winced. “No wonder he looks like he wants to murder someone.”

Jay crossed his arms, leaning on the doorframe. “Can he even get new ones in time?”

“Nope. He has a full day of classes tomorrow,” Jungwon explained. “No time to go out, and he doesn’t want to skip practice, so…”

“And if he doesn’t have shoes,” Heeseung finished, “he can’t perform.”

“He said he’s not dropping out,” Jungwon muttered. “But I honestly don’t know what he’s planning.”

The three of them exchanged looks — worried, helpless ones — unsure what to do. Niki was the kind of person who didn’t ask for help, who bottled things up until he burst. And now, with the competition looming and everything else boiling beneath the surface…

“He needs a win,” Heeseung said quietly.

None of them knew that one was already on its way — wrapped neatly in tissue paper, swinging from a black paper bag in (Y/n)’s hand as she rushed home with a gift that might be more perfect than even she realized.

~~~

When (Y/n) stepped through the front door, the familiar chaotic noise of the shared living room greeted her like always — the sound of her roommates yelling over each other about which team would win the soccer match currently blasting from the TV. Jay and Heeseung were standing, practically nose to nose, arguing over a replay, while Jungwon sat on the arm of the couch like a referee, munching popcorn and trying to keep the peace.

But one person was missing.

Niki.

Normally, he’d be sitting cross-legged on the carpet, eyes locked onto the screen, fists clenched as he yelled at the players like they could hear him. But now, the spot where he always sat was empty.

Before she could ask where he was, Sunoo appeared at the end of the hallway, spotting her. His eyes widened slightly, and he immediately walked toward her, grabbing her wrist gently. “Come with me.”

Without a word, (Y/n) followed him into her room. He closed the door behind them and turned to face her, voice low and serious.

“He’s in his room,” Sunoo said. “And he’s in a bad mood.”

“What happened?” she asked, concerned.

“His shoes broke. During practice. Jungwon said it happened mid-routine, and it wasn’t just a tear — the sole ripped clean off.”

(Y/n)’s eyes widened. “Oh no…”

“He was already kind of on edge,” Sunoo added. “And then when he found out he doesn’t have time to buy a new pair before practice tomorrow… He stormed in here, slammed every door in his path, and hasn’t come out since.”

(Y/n) let out a long breath, her heart racing now. She glanced down at the paper shopping bag still in her hand, the new shoes tucked safely inside. She had bought them just in time.

“Sunoo,” she whispered, her voice full of disbelief. “I didn’t even know… I just— I thought it would be a nice thank you. I didn’t know he needed them.”

Sunoo smiled faintly. “Well, lucky him then.”

She nodded slowly. “Do you think… he’ll talk to me?”

Sunoo paused for a second, thoughtful. “Maybe. He probably doesn’t want to talk. But you’re you.” He gave her a look. “If anyone can get through to him, it’s you.”

Her grip tightened on the bag.

“Thanks, Sunoo,” she said softly, and then turned toward the hallway, her pulse thudding in her ears.

She had no idea how this would go — if he’d even open the door for her. But she knew she had to try.

Because for the first time, it wasn’t just about a thank you gift. It was about showing him that she saw him — truly saw him — and that maybe, just maybe, she was ready to stop seeing him as the boy he used to be… and finally acknowledge the man he was becoming.

~~~

(Y/n) stood in front of Niki’s door for a moment, her fingers clenched tightly around the shopping bag handles. Her heart was thudding like it might break free from her chest. Finally, she lifted her hand and knocked — once, twice, soft but firm.

“Go away,” came the muffled grumble from inside. His voice was flat, defeated.

She closed her eyes briefly, then pressed her forehead gently against the door. “Niki… it’s me.”

There was silence.

Then the faint creak of bedsheets shifting. Footsteps. A pause.

“…Fine,” he muttered. “Come in.”

Her hand trembled slightly as she turned the knob. As she stepped in, she instinctively tried to hide the shopping bag behind her leg, but Niki’s eyes were already on her. He was sitting on the edge of his bed now, hair messy, one socked foot bouncing in frustration. His gaze flickered to the bag, but he didn’t say anything.

(Y/n) made her way over and sat beside him. The air between them felt thick, quiet but not cold.

“How are you doing?” she asked gently, keeping her voice soft.

He let out a humorless laugh. “Bad.”

There was no point in pretending otherwise.

“I thought you might say that,” she said, her voice a little brighter this time. “So I… might have something that could cheer you up.”

He turned to look at her, skeptical but curious. “What?”

She gave him a sheepish smile. “Close your eyes first.”

He gave her a look — one that clearly said Really? — but slowly, reluctantly, he closed his eyes with a huff.

(Y/n) reached down and placed the bag into his hands. “Okay,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You can open them now.”

He opened his eyes.

Pulled apart the tissue paper.

And then he froze.

There, nestled inside the bag, was a brand-new pair of dance shoes — sleek, clean, high-performance, perfectly his style. He stared at them for a long second, like he couldn’t quite believe they were real. His fingers ran along the fabric slowly, reverently.

He didn’t speak.

“…Do you like them?” she asked, almost timidly.

His head turned to her, eyes wide. “You… how did you know?”

“I didn’t,” she admitted. “I just wanted to get you something to say thank you. For helping me. For staying with me. I didn’t know your old ones broke until I came home.”

Niki blinked hard, still trying to take it all in.

“I know it’s not much,” she continued, suddenly nervous. “And it doesn’t fix everything I said before, or how I—how I made you feel like a kid. But… I don’t see you that way anymore. Not really. Not after everything.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

Then, Niki carefully set the shoes aside, his fingers lingering for a second before turning fully to her.

“You didn’t have to do this,” he said quietly, his voice deeper than she remembered. “But you did. And I… I can’t tell you what it means to me.”

His expression was soft now — no longer guarded, but honest.

And for the first time, she saw him not just as someone she used to care for, but someone who had grown into himself, piece by piece, day by day.

And maybe… someone her heart was slowly starting to beat for.

Niki moved before he could think.

In a heartbeat, he reached out and wrapped his arms around (Y/n), pulling her into a sudden, desperate hug that knocked the air from her lungs. The motion sent them both toppling gently backward onto the bed, her landing half on top of him, half against the mattress.

(Y/n)’s breath caught, her heart thudding wildly in her chest. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his beneath her palms — his chest, broader and firmer than she remembered, reminding her once again just how much he’d changed.

She blinked, stunned, her hands splayed against him as if unsure where to go.

“You’re… hugging me,” she mumbled, a little dazed.

He didn’t let go. If anything, his arms tightened around her, holding her like he was afraid she might slip through his fingers.

“Just for a minute,” he murmured, his voice muffled in her shoulder. “Stay. Just for a minute.”

And she did.

How could she not?

The warmth of him, the quiet rise and fall of his breath, the weight of everything unsaid hanging gently in the silence — it made her chest ache in a way that was entirely unfamiliar. Her eyes fluttered shut, her cheek resting lightly against the side of his neck. She could feel his heartbeat too, and it felt just as fast as hers.

For the first time, there was no tension, no pretending, no need for words.

Just them.

Close.

Still.

Breathing.

Together.

~~~

After a few quiet minutes, Niki finally loosened his hold, though he did so reluctantly. He wished she could stay like that — in his arms, head on his chest, fitting so perfectly like she belonged there. He had imagined this moment a thousand times in the quiet of night, wondering what it would be like to hold her like this, to be close to her without pretending he didn’t want more.

And now that it had happened, it already felt too far away.

(Y/n) slowly sat up, smoothing her shirt, her eyes lingering on him with a softness he hadn’t seen before. She smiled — small, warm, meaningful — and then stood.

She reached out her hand to him. “Come on, let’s go eat dinner. The others are probably already halfway through it.”

He looked up at her, her hand extended in front of him, her eyes waiting. For a second, he just stared — not at her hand, but at her. The way the light hit her hair, the gentle curve of her smile, the way she didn’t treat him like a kid in that moment, but as someone she wanted to be around. Maybe even needed.

And just like that, his mood shifted.

How could it not?

It was her.

So, he took her hand — without hesitation, without a word — and stood up, their fingers briefly brushing as she turned to lead him out of the room.

Of course he would follow her.

He’d follow her anywhere, if she asked.

The sound of laughter and casual bickering floated from the kitchen as they approached, the warm aroma of Jay’s cooking still lingering in the air. Heeseung was seated with Sunoo and Jungwon at the table, chopsticks in hand, arguing over who had eaten the last piece of grilled chicken, while Jake, already on his second helping, was too invested in his food to contribute.

As soon as they stepped in, all eyes shifted to them — just for a second. A subtle glance. The quiet kind of acknowledgment that didn’t need words. Maybe it was the slight flush on (Y/n)’s face, or the way Niki walked a little closer than usual, or how their shoulders almost brushed as they sat down. Whatever it was, it was noticed — especially by Sunoo, who offered her a small smile and a very knowing look across the table.

(Y/n) passed Niki a bowl of rice before serving herself. “Eat,” she said gently, nudging him. “You’ve been sulking all day.”

He snorted under his breath, shaking his head but accepting the food. “Only because my shoes died a dramatic death.”

“You mean exploded mid-dance move,” Jungwon muttered with a grin.

The table burst into light laughter, and the tension that had been sitting on Niki’s shoulders all day began to ease.

(Y/n) looked over at him just then — really looked — and caught him smiling again, mouth full, eyes shining, the way they used to. Her heart fluttered unexpectedly, something soft blooming quietly in her chest.

She didn’t know what would happen next.

But for the first time in a while, she wanted to find out.

~~~

The last few days leading up to the competition passed in a blur — a mix of early lectures, late-night practices, stress naps, caffeine, and mounting nerves. (Y/n) had only caught glimpses of Niki in passing, but he had always offered her a small smile or a wave, and somehow, that had been enough to make her entire day feel a little lighter.

Now it was Saturday. The auditorium was buzzing with excitement, teams filling the backstage areas while the stands quickly packed with students and supporters. (Y/n) sat in the middle of their group, surrounded by Sunoo, Jay, Jake, Heeseung, and — freshly returned from a trip to see his family — Sunghoon, who was currently leaning in as Sunoo gave him a very animated rundown of everything he had missed. His eyebrows rose higher with each sentence.

“Wait—she got him shoes?” Sunghoon whispered.

Sunoo nodded eagerly. “And they cuddled.”

“Cuddled?”

“Fully horizontal.”

Jay elbowed them both. “Shut up, they’ll hear you.”

(Y/n), sitting just a few seats down, was trying to focus on the stage setup and pretend like her ears weren’t burning.

Meanwhile, in the locker room, energy was high. Music blared from a portable speaker, sneakers squeaked against tile, and sequins glinted off a few team jackets under the harsh fluorescent lights.

Niki sat at the end of a bench, lacing up his brand new shoes — the shoes (Y/n) had given him. Just the thought made his fingers slow down. They fit perfectly. They were light, flexible, made for dancing. She had really paid attention. Every time he looked at them, he felt something warm settle in his chest, no matter how nervous he was.

Jungwon flopped onto the bench beside him, stretching his arms overhead.

“You good?”

Niki shrugged. “Just… usual nerves.”

Jungwon smirked. “Well, I’ve got a deal for you.”

Niki gave him a side glance. “What kind of deal?”

“If we win this thing,” Jungwon said, his voice dropping conspiratorially, “you ask (Y/n) out.”

Niki nearly choked on air. “What?!”

Jungwon just grinned. “You heard me.”

“Are you insane?”

“She’s clearly been looking at you differently lately,” Jungwon said, nudging him with an elbow. “You’ve grown up. She sees that. You’re not the kid from two years ago.”

Niki shook his head, voice low. “She’s just being nice.”

“No, she’s not,” Jungwon countered. “You carried her to the nurse’s office like some kind of romantic anime lead. She got you shoes, man. She cares.”

Niki sat there in silence, staring down at the laces in his hands.

“She’ll say no,” he muttered.

“She might,” Jungwon admitted. “But she also might say yes.”

For a moment, all Niki could hear was the thudding of bass outside the room, the muffled cheers of the crowd, and his own heartbeat. Then he let out a shaky breath and nodded once.

“Okay. If we win, I’ll do it.”

Jungwon clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s my guy.”

Just then, one of the coaches poked his head into the room. “You’re up next. Line up.”

Niki stood, rolling his shoulders back, his nerves momentarily overtaken by adrenaline. He took one last glance down at his shoes before jogging after his team, Jungwon falling into step beside him.

And somewhere in the stands, (Y/n)’s eyes scanned the stage, waiting for him to appear — completely unaware of the quiet deal that could change everything.

~~~

(Y/n)’s eyes never left the stage.

As the music started, the crowd’s energy shifted — a hush falling over the audience as the beat dropped and the team began to move. But to her, it was like no one else existed. She was completely captivated by Niki.

His movements were sharp, powerful, yet impossibly fluid — like water sculpting through air. Every motion was precise, confident, with that same fire she’d only recently noticed in him. And somewhere between a spin and a leap, he locked eyes with her. Just for a second.

Then he winked.

Her breath caught in her throat. Heat rushed to her face as her heart skipped a beat. Did anyone else see that? Her hands went to her cheeks automatically, trying to calm the sudden flush rising beneath her skin.

Sunoo leaned closer. “He winked at you, right?” he whispered with a grin.

“I—I think so?” (Y/n) stammered, not taking her eyes off Niki as he moved with such control and confidence, as if he owned the stage.

After the final pose hit and the music cut out, the crowd erupted into cheers. The entire group on stage panted, sweaty and grinning as they bowed, and then jogged off backstage. (Y/n) stood with the rest of their friends, clapping and hollering with all their strength.

The waiting period before the results felt like an eternity. The announcer took their sweet time, calling out other teams for various smaller awards first, dragging out the suspense.

Niki, backstage, paced in the hallway with Jungwon and the rest of their team, still buzzing from the performance.

“You nailed it,” Jungwon said. “Seriously, that solo? People are gonna talk about that one for weeks.”

Niki didn’t answer, his mind already jumping ahead — to (Y/n), to the wink, to the ridiculous deal Jungwon had made with him.

And then the announcer’s voice boomed across the speakers:

“And the first place winners of this year’s University Dance Showcase… Team Zenith!”

A roar exploded through the auditorium. (Y/n) shot to her feet with the others, screaming as loud as the rest of them, clapping so hard her hands stung. She turned to Jay, who was hooting beside her, then to Sunoo, who was bouncing on his toes. Her eyes finally landed on Niki again as he and Jungwon returned to the stage for the winner’s photo — and he looked straight at her, smiling from ear to ear, like he couldn’t believe it either.

Somewhere between the nerves and the thrill of victory, Niki found it. The hope.

Maybe Jungwon had been right. Maybe she had seen him. Maybe, just maybe, she’d say yes.

~~~

Now, several courses and endless rounds of chatter later, Niki found himself deep in conversation with Kei, the captain of the university’s dance team and one of the most respected upperclassmen in their department. Kei wasn’t just a skilled dancer—he was a solid mentor, calm under pressure and always able to read people better than they read themselves. Over the last few months, he and Niki had grown close. Kei had seen the way Niki danced with a different kind of energy whenever (Y/n) was in the room, had caught the glances, the silent yearning in his eyes. Niki had even confessed to him once, in a moment of vulnerability after a grueling practice, that he was in love with her—had been for a long time.

So when Niki leaned in now, animated and passionate as he recounted the adrenaline of the competition and their team’s unity, Kei listened with an amused smile.

“You were on fire out there, you know?” Kei said, swirling the ice in his glass. “I haven’t seen you dance like that in months.”

Niki laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck, “It felt different this time. Like… I had something to prove.”

Kei raised an eyebrow knowingly. “Or someone to impress?”

Niki didn’t respond to that, only looked down with a shy smile and a shake of his head.

Just then, Kei’s eyes drifted past him and softened. “You’re not even noticing, are you?”

“What?” Niki asked, confused.

Kei gave a slight tilt of his head toward Niki’s shoulder. “Look.”

Turning his head slightly, Niki’s breath caught. (Y/n)’s head was resting gently against his shoulder, her eyes closed, her breathing soft and even. Somewhere between the shared bites of food and the conversations around them, she had grown quiet and slowly dozed off.

Niki froze. Completely and utterly froze. He didn’t even dare to move his arm.

She was sleeping… on him.

His heart skipped more than one beat, the sensation of her warmth against him, her presence this close, made everything else around him fade. She looked peaceful, and her hand was loosely curled in her lap, her body turned ever so slightly toward him—as if she had naturally gravitated to where she felt safe.

Kei leaned in again, voice low. “You’ve waited for so long, Niki. I know it’s scary, but��� she doesn’t treat just anyone like this. She trusts you. She’s comfortable around you. That’s not nothing.”

Niki swallowed hard, unsure what to say. His free hand rested near hers, aching to reach out, to hold it, but he stayed still.

“You think…” he whispered, barely audible. “You think I have a chance?”

Kei smiled softly. “You already had one. You just have to be brave enough to take it.”

Niki looked down at (Y/n) again. Her lips were slightly parted in sleep, her lashes fanned out across her cheeks, and the faintest smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She looked like home. And for the first time in a long time, he felt something warm bloom in his chest that drowned out the doubt.

He didn’t know what would happen next. But in that moment—sitting there with the girl he’d loved for what felt like forever, her head on his shoulder and Kei’s words echoing in his mind—he finally began to believe that maybe, just maybe, this story wasn’t one-sided after all.

~~~

The cool night air wrapped around them as they walked side by side, the soft hum of laughter from their roommates fading ahead as the group slowly made their way back home. The streetlights cast a golden glow across the pavement, their shadows stretching behind them in rhythm with each step.

(Y/n) had just woken from her nap not long ago, still slightly groggy but smiling as she listened to Niki talk. Their conversation meandered from silly jokes to random memories—things they’d both long forgotten but now laughed about like it was yesterday. It was easy, it was natural. Like it always was with him.

But even as he joked with her, Niki’s mind was racing. His heart beat too fast. His palms felt clammy. Every step brought them closer to the house—and closer to him missing his chance.

Then, just a few minutes from their street, he reached out without thinking and gently grabbed her hand.

She stopped, her head tilting slightly as she looked up at him. “What’s wrong?”

Niki didn’t answer at first. He was looking at their hands, hers soft in his, fitting perfectly like they were always meant to be there. He forced himself to look up, into her eyes, the nerves threatening to choke his words before they could leave his mouth.

“I…” he started, then paused, inhaling deeply. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to say. Something I’ve been holding back for a while.”

(Y/n)’s expression shifted—curious, attentive.

Niki’s voice was quieter now, more vulnerable. “I know we’ve been… close for a long time. And I know I haven’t always acted like someone worth taking seriously. But these last few weeks, I’ve realized just how much you mean to me.”

He looked down again, then back at her with a determined softness in his eyes.

“So… if you’re not already seeing someone, I was wondering if maybe you’d want to go out with me sometime. Like… a real date.”

The words hung between them in the silence, fragile and full of hope.

Niki waited, heart thundering in his chest, eyes locked on hers, afraid to breathe too loud and scare the moment away.

(Y/n) stood frozen for a heartbeat, eyes searching his. Her mind was still catching up with her heart—two weeks ago, this would’ve seemed ridiculous. Just two weeks ago, she still saw him as the eager, wide-eyed kid who used to follow her around, begging for more playtime, grinning whenever she ruffled his hair. She had clung to that version of him because it was familiar, safe… easy.

But now?

Now she saw him. The real him.

The one who had stayed by her side when she was sick. Who remembered the smallest details she hadn’t even realized she’d told him. Who held her with such gentleness and conviction that she felt safe in a way she hadn’t in a long time. The boy was gone. In his place stood someone who had grown up right in front of her, someone patient, kind, and quietly brave.

Her eyes drifted down to where he was still holding her hand. She brought her other hand to it, cupping his palm gently in both of hers. It was warm—larger than hers, strong, but still soft. Familiar and new all at once.

She could feel how tense he was, holding his breath like the world was hinging on what she’d say next.

And maybe… it was.

She looked up at him, her heart suddenly calm in the center of its storm.

“Yes,” she whispered.

Niki blinked. “Wait—yes?”

A small smile tugged at her lips. “Yes, Niki. I’d love to go out with you.”

His breath finally released in a shaky laugh, his whole body relaxing like he’d just been told he could breathe again. The glow from the streetlights danced in his eyes as he grinned—wide and boyish but unmistakably different. Older. Real.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that,” he mumbled, almost to himself.

(Y/n) chuckled softly. “Well… you finally got your answer.”

And hand in hand, they took the final steps home, hearts full and lighter than ever before.

[ynsvnte]

New year, new …

pairing: stranger!hoon x fem!reader

Synopsis: having the year coming to end, you’re still a hopeless romantic unfortunately, but that’s until a special someone shows up — Genre: strangers to lovers, smut (18+ MDNI!!), fluff (towards the end), oneshot— warnings under cut

Word count: 1.6k+ (1670)

A/n: yall I forgot I did Sunghoon last time.. um last fic for the year!! 2024 was such a odd year, good and bad, but I hope 2025 goes well for everyone!! Ty for the love and support everyone has showed and my moots 💪🏼💪🏼 love you all 🤭

Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, p in v, bathroom sex, unprotected sex, kissing, pet names, praising, oral (fem.), creampie, possessive, hickeys (marking), slight fingering, A bit of after care.

You leaned onto the counter in the middle of the kitchen, groaning, you still didn’t know why you agreed to come to the end of the year party. Like sure the year was coming to an end, but you’d rather be home. Unfortunately the nagging of one of your friends worked, and.. here you are now. Miserable. 2024 definitely wasn’t your year. Taking back what you said at the beginning.

31/12/2023

“2024 is going to be my year. No more single me first. I will be getting a man.” You giggle, while sitting under the table, eating the grapes manifesting.

Present

Just at the thought, you just cringe like when a man punches a wall. Clearly you're currently single. Maybe 2025 will be your year. You think to yourself. But you don’t want to get your hopes up since what happened last year. Taking a sip of your drink. You scrunch your face in slight disgust. The burning of the alcoholic drink in your throat. You put your cup onto the counter. Lost in thought, while you stare at the crowd dancing, while more like more people grinding into one another. But that’s not the point.

Your eyes stay at this one person. He seems to be like you. Bored, and out of place. Friends all gone to who knows where. You continue staring, admiring his features. Taking one minute to admire each one. From his moles, to his vampire-like teeth. You weren’t in your right state of mind and looked away. Wait what if he had a girlfriend, and here you were looking at him shamelessly. You shake your head. You don’t even know what to do. Might as well leave. Yeah that sounds like a good idea. But… you don’t have a ride.

Maybe an uber. Nah who would pick up someone on New Year’s Eve.. you sigh and just get on your phone. Trying to find a way to pass time. You look at the time. “10:47” just 1 hour and 13 minutes left. What could you do?

What you didn’t know was that. The guy you were staring at. Was now looking at you. Poor you, seemed so lonely. The guy, named Sunghoon to be exact. Adored you from afar. Maybe he could keep you company. He noticed you staring, and tried to act like he was busy talking to one of his friends. He could care less what he had to say. He was focused on you. The way your eyes move from one spot to another. He smiles at the thought of your cute habit. He watched his friend get dragged along somewhere. He takes the chance and starts going over where you’re. You don’t seem to notice. Distracted by your phone. He sets his drink next to yours, grabbing your attention.

You felt the presence of someone. You thought it was your friend until you looked up and saw it’s him. The guy you were staring at not too long ago. Your eyes widened.

“Uh- I- hello?” You stammer over your words. Great first impression! You thought to yourself. He smiles at you. “The name is Sunghoon.” Such a suitable name for him. “I- nice to meet you” you say. He asks for your name. And once your name. His smiles widened. “Suits you very well.” You get flustered at his comment. Hoping he wouldn’t notice. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?” He asks you, taking you a bit off guard.

“Well.. I was convinced to be brought here by my friend, but I have no idea where she went.. sorry I’m not much of a party person.” You explain the situation. “That’s fine I’m not much of a party person either.” That’s one thing in common. “Yeah..” you felt the tension rise for some reason, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. You could feel him staring as you took a sip of your drink. “Is there something wrong?” You asked, slightly nervous if you had done something wrong.

“Yeah there is..” He said quietly, eyes still on you. You could feel your heartbeat quicken. You tried to hide the fact that you were nervous, but Sunghoon caught on.

He leaned down next to your ear whispering in a low voice. “Do I make you nervous?” His voice sent shivers down your spine. He barely pulled away, but his face was so close to yours. Practically almost forcing you to keep eye contact with him. You stare into his eyes, up close this time. “I-..” words caught up in your throat. You could help but stare at him. Sunghoon only starts to slightly smirk. Knowing the effect he had on you. He leans in closer, touching one another. Before he closes the empty space between you both. Crashing lips. You were taken aback from his actions. You kiss him back. Arms automatically wrapping themselves around his neck. Sunghoon takes this as a sign and holds you closer by holding you at the waist. You kissed what felt like hours, you don’t know how long. You couldn’t process anything yet, not even knowing that Sunghoon was dragging you to the bathroom nearby. He closes the door and locks it. You don’t even know what’s even happening next, but you feel your back hit the door as you continue to make out with one another. He hands traveling down further.

He holds one of your thighs, forcing your legs to open. “Do you mind” you shake your head no, knowing you want as much as he wants it. He carries you, placing you on the bathroom counter , kissing his way down, legs spread open, he smirks seeing your soak through panties. “Awee baby wet just from kissing?” He snickers, pushing your skirt up, giving him more access. He lightly traces over your covered clit, causing you to buck your hips slightly. “She's begging me to eat her out,” he giggles. Placing a kiss on top. “Please..” you beg. “Please what..?” He asks, acting clueless. “Please.. stop teasing” He looks up at you, as he leans in, giving your clit a long lick. He pushes your panties to the side and begins to eat your pussy. The sounds of him slurping your pussy, and your moans mix in the tight bathroom. The loud music thankfully covers up the sounds. “Fuck, you tatse divine” he praises. As eats you like a starved man. Which you don’t mind.

You couldn’t help but wish for more friction, as you slightly begin to grind your pussy into his face. You run your hand through his hair. “Mhm.. Sunghoon..” your moan his name. Holding your thighs apart.. he begins to shove his tongue in and out of your hole. You let out a loud moan. The new feeling getting you closer to your high. “Already close!” You warn him. “Come on then baby come on my face.” You do as he says. Sunghoon groans at the feeling of you coming on his face. He didn’t expect his night like this. Eating out with the prettiest girl ever on New Year’s Eve. He gets up from his knees and kisses you eagerly. “You’re so perfect.” Sunghoon speaks into the kiss before removing your top. Revealing your breast to him. He smiles, taking one in his mouth. He let’s go with a pop. Saliva connecting from his mouth to your tits

“If I’m not in you within in a few seconds, I’ll lose my mind.” Sunghoon helps you off the bathroom counter and flips you over.. he bends you over the counter. He unbuckles his pants, lets it drop to the floor and you seem to notice a wet patch on his boxers. “Eating you out made me cum.. hmm see what you do to me..” Sunghoon pushes his boxers down. Letting his cock spring out, he fingers you a bit to make sure you feel comfortable to take him.

“You ready baby?” He asks you. You nod your head, desperate to have him inside. He grabs the base.. lining up and pushes himself in. He groans at the feeling of your velvet walls clenching around him. “So tight, just f’me” he was already losing his mind. He hasn’t even moved an inch and yet he felt close to coming. He begins slowly. But as minutes pass by his pace gets more brutal. Your moans mixing together. Sunghoon arm wrapped around your waist keeping you close as he fucks you.

The sound of skin clapping getting louder and louder. He buries his face onto your neck sucking on the skin. “Marking you up. Gotta let everyone know you’re mine.” He whispers. Making you clench around him. “Baby are you close.?” Sunghoon asks, you reply with a nod before he smirks and his fingers trial down to your clit rubbing it.

You let out a whine. “Come on. Cum for me. Cum around this cock.” His hips have a mind of their own. His cock abusing your cervix and with one final thrust. You clench around him tightly, cumming. You grip the counter.. the feeling being too much. Not long behind Sunghoon reaches his own high. “Going to cum.. in this tight pussy.” He speaks while kissing your necks. Within 3 thrust you can feel him cum in you. Overstimulated you. You whine at the feeling. “Sunghoon fuck..” you moan.. he says in the same spot.. regaining consciousness. “I’m here..” he holds you close. Enjoying your warmth.

He pulls out. Watching cum drop out. “Fuck.. made a mess..” he grabs a near by a towel and gets it slightly wet before cleaning you up. As you get dressed Sunghoon pulls you in for a kiss. Nothing before being disrupted by the sound of your phone going off.

“2025!!” The alarm rang. He stares at the screen reading the time 12

“Well that’s a way to start a new year..” Sunghoon smiles and pecks your lips. “I guess so..” you speak softly. “Happy new year baby.”

© ynsvnte copyright 2024

[chericherrybaby]

I’LL PICK YOU UP ON THE WAY HOME

Summary, Jealous ex-boyfriend, Harry picks you up from a party after a last choice call was made from you.

Warnings, Jealous Harry?

This is so many words and not much dialogue. Enjoy the first of many!!

…

Harry was an ex you hadn’t spoken to in almost two years.

He was someone you had loved very much at the time, he was just a little bit too protective over you at the time, which is not what you had wanted as a 21 year old girl who’s friends loved a party.

You had never ridded his contact of your phone, it felt strange since he had been the first number to go in it after you had gotten it with him. Plus, he had never done anything wrong and you felt slightly bad for ending things the way you did.

You hadn’t been together that long at the time, you had told yourself hundreds of times, trying to rid the guilt you had whenever one of your girlfriends would tell you how miserable he was.

It was terrible that one of your girlfriends was dating his best friend, and you were a main source of topic for their entertainment.

You had thought about calling him as soon as your date had pulled up to the house, you could hear the music booming atleast 4 streets away and the place looked crammed with 17 year olds, a weird place for a 25 year old to take you on a first date.

He had led you inside the house, letting you follow his heels, greeting almost everyone that was in his path.

Your first red flag was a girl coming up to your date, who was unfortunately named Chad, you’d heard it all from your girlfriends already, and him hugging her with his hands a bit too close to somewhere they shouldn’t be.

This had made you pull your phone out, scroll down to the very bottom of your contacts and send a quick message to someone who may not even answer you, you’d been so lucky he hadn’t blocked you already and you were so grateful.

You sent a quick “hey” and hoped the recipient didn’t hate you as much as you hated yourself for texting him.

…

About an hour later, the party felt a bit dull compared to when you had arrived, everyone feeling lulled on the couch from everything they had drank, smoked and consumed in many other ways.

Including your date.

You had never been happier to feel your phone ringing in your back pocket and feel the excitement yet dread when your screen read “Harry Styles”

“Hello” you said sounding a little ashamed, making your way to sit on the front porch away from the booming music and the yelling of party goers who were still feeling their high.

“Hey” he replied sounding a little too groggy for you liking, like he’d woken and immediately called you “Why’d you text me? Thought you wanted nothing to do with me”

You felt your heart pang a little at this, but you could feel the hurt in his voice also “I’m at a party with a bunch of high schoolers. I need an escape”

“Gonna need more than that to get me going Y/N” he’d never sounded so irritated to you, but you also understood. The first time you’d texted him in almost two years was for an excuse to leave a party.

“Please come get me, i’ve basically been ditched and none of the girls know i’m here” You sighed feeling so ashamed you were doing this”

Harry ended the call. You waited, hoping he was still the sweet boy you had met 5 years ago.

…

10 minutes later, Harry’s car pulled up outside of the house. You jumped to your feet, jogged over to the car and placed yourself in his passenger seat

“Thank you so much Harry” you looked at him, your eyes pleading for his to meet yours.

He hummed in acknowledgment.

You sat in silence for 5 minutes while Harry drove in the direction opposite of your apartment, He came to a stop when he came to a quieter road with houses all using dimmed lights. He turned the car off and placed his hands in his lap.

“What are we-”

“Why have you done this to me Y/N? You know i’m still so utterly in love with you. So you text me at 11pm a shitty message saying ‘hey’”

“In my defence you’re the one who called me, you could’ve ignored my message and blocked me, you can’t blame me for your lack of self control”

You heard harry chuckle quietly to himself, that’s when you realised you’d said something that maybe you shouldn’t have.

“What are you even doing at a party full of children, you’re 23 Y/N” Harry finally looked at your face, your red cheeks prominent and wasted makeup.

His heart broke knowing after he dropped you home, you were gone again and there was nothing he could do about it.

“I was supposed to be on a first date, but instead he drove us to a high schoolers party. Basically touched up a girl right infront of my face, then got pissed and probably even high while letting me fend for myself when these are people he knows”

Harry slightly laughs to himself, but tires to cover it up by slapping his hand over his mouth. “You sure know how to pick ‘em”

“Picked you. You’re alright” You remarked back and Harry’s head quickly snapped back up to you and slightly glared at you “Sorry, that was really mean”

“I really fucking hate when you go on dates, y’know. Makes me so cross knowing ‘yer going out with all these shit guys when i’m right infront of you”

It’s like he was on his knees begging, pleading for you to love him. Tearing his heart out of his chest ready to give to you.

“You’ve always been such a jealous prick” You smirked at him and he couldn’t help his lips curling up into a smile.

“Hard not to be, look at you. You’re insane and i had my chance and fucked it with you, Cause i was scared to lose something i wanted forever”

You sighed and reached over to place your hand on top of his, he flinched away slightly. You curled your fingers around his hand and held it tightly.

“I love you” You admitted shamefully “It never went anywhere and i think i may just be slightly ashamed that i ended something so good just for what? To get drunk and dance around at a party full of strangers. When i had you waiting for me with open arms no matter the time i came back”

Harry shifted in his seat and moved towards the centre console of his car, you kicked your shoes off and sat cross legged on his passenger seat. Turning towards him, being able to see his face fully.

“You infuriate me, you know that don’t you” He says moving closer, close enough you could feel his breath of your face.

Swearing you could heart his heart beating out of his chest.

“Can you please” You thought for a second, were you making the right decision? Telling him you wanted him all over again, when you feared you may be slightly high from all the fumes in that house party.

Harry hummed gently “What would you like, Angel? Anything for you. I swear” His eyes flicked down towards your lips but quickly returned to your eyes.

“Kiss me” you practically begged him.

His lips crashed onto yours, his hands finding your jaw and cupping your cheeks while you sat in, what felt like an isolated area.

Kissing a man that you thought was just madly possessive over you, instead he just wanted the world for you, and you were the world to him.

[dross-the-fish]

Love Never Dies- Thoughts and Reactions

This might end up being split into multiple parts but I am not finished talking about Love Never Dies. I did give it a rewatch to refresh myself and...oof. This play needs to be taken out back and shot because that is what it did to every single character in it. NO ONE looks good. Not even Christine. Let's start there. Let's talk about what this show does with Christine because we have completely reduced this character to nothing but her voice. What does Erik miss about Christine after ten years of pining? Her voice. He just wants her to sing for him one more time. The only thing he ever really mentions about Christine is her voice. Though I can't really fault him because if we're being serious about Christine's character...

What does she have outside of her voice? Nothing. Somehow LND Christine has even less personality than she did in the OG musical. She is a cardboard angel that other people pine over, try to control, or envy. She has almost no agency. I said before, I suspect that Andrew Lloyd Webber hates women and Christine does not come out of that unscathed. She spends pretty much all of the musical being bullied by Raoul, mothering Gustave, or being threatened by Erik when he and she aren't reminiscing about that one time they banged 10 years ago. Seriously what even the fuck was "Beneath a Moonless Sky?" For a song about how two characters couldn't resist each other neither of them seem particularly filled with desire. Christine is recoiling in horror and disbelief and Erik looks like a 15 year old who thinks sniffing his crush's hair is peak sensuality.

Mmmm....sexy. But whatever. Christine says at the end of the song she woke up to swear her love and was ready to dump Raoul but Erik had skedaddled so she ran back to Raoul. You read that right. Christine was going to pick Erik after they banged it out and he left and that is the only reason Christine is with Raoul. Seriously Andy? You're going to make her regret picking Raoul over Erik when she didn't even actually DO that? Erik made the choice for her?

*internal screaming* Erik, seriously, how are you going to be upset that she's moved on with Raoul if YOU left HER? Do you really think you have the right to coerce her to sing for you one more time when you were the one who broke it off? The hell is wrong with you? Of course when Christine resists he immediately goes to threatening her child.

When I say Erik is the WORST I mean it. He is reprehensible in this.

But this is about Christine. We'll get to Erik later. LND Erik deserves his own post.

There's honestly not much more to write about Christine. She spends a lot of time cowering from or trying to appease Raoul. She worries about her son and her death is honestly so unwarranted. When I say ALW's work has an undercurrent of meanspiritedness I mean shit like this. Christine hasn't really done anything wrong. I guess she cheated on Raoul 10 years ago? But well she was going to leave him and only stayed because her first option bailed on her? She didn't do anything to Meg. She's been living 10 years in an abusive marriage and her crazy ex who kidnapped her came back to threaten her kid and coerce her to sing his music one more time. Then she just...gets shot. She dies. It adds nothing to the story that she dies. It doesn't feel earned or justified in anyway. It just feels miserable for misery's sake. It's almost unceremonious the way they ax her off because it's not even intentional. Meg misfires the gun because Erik fucks up in trying to talk her down. Christine's death isn't even about Christine herself. It's about Meg and Erik. It's such a useless and stupid death to give this character. How old even is she? Supposedly she's around 18-20 in the original musical (we're ignoring the 2004 movie that puts her at 16) and this is 10 years later? She's barely 30 but she ends up a casualty to everyone else's vanity, jealousy, and selfishness. I feel like we're supposed to find it tragic but it doesn't hit. It's a meaningless and undignified end to a character that was given no agency over her own life or her death.

[nevieatiny]

Mrs. Park?

Seonghwa x reader

Summary: Maybe there were different ways to help your boyfriend get a refund, but calling him your "husband" made it sound more dramatic, right?

Word count: 1,449

Genre: Pure fluff

You loved your boyfriend more than anything in the world, you really did, however, something that you hated and you mean HATED about him was that sometimes he was way too nice and struggled to speak up for himself.

You've been doing a lot of christmas shopping recently, and because of that he choose the wrong size when he picked a sweater for his mom, he made you promise you would not intervine this time because he was a "grown man who's able to do a refund by himself" so you did try to look around the store in the mean time, however not even the toy section was able to distract you from that feeling of something going wrong or someone being rude to your boyfriend.

you've worked in customer service for several years, you knew all it took was being nice, but at the same time there was people who just hated being there and would mistreat customers just to make them leave, it was ok if someone did that to you, you knew how to defend yourself and speak up, but some people don't.

So after 15 minutes of your boyfriend not coming back you're heading to see how he's doing at the customer service counter, as you approached the only thing you saw was your poor boyfriend tapping his fingers anxiously against the counter, he was all by himself you assumed he was waiting for the customer service rep.

"Before you shush me away" you said as you were approaching him "i just want to see how you're doing so far, i see that no one's here, so i'm guessing great" you patted his but few times before leaning on him, you were waiting for a lame comeback, but all he did was to lean his head on top of yours and let out a long sigh "how do you do this?" "was it that bad?" that's when he took his phone out looking at the time "she's been gone for more than 10 minutes", you didn't knew how to feel, at first you felt bad for him, he seemed almost sad about it, but after that it was pure rage, why would they do that, you get that christmas and new year could be the toughest time of the year for anyone on customer service, it was 11 am but the place was literally empty.

"Do you want me to take over?" you asked while running your fingers through his hair "i really thought i could do this by myself this time" "yeah but to be fair you choose to do this before christmas, everyone is miserable by now and they just want to go home, most likely they would have to work during christmas, that's not an excuse tho" as you were talking to him you saw a young girl approaching, she might not even be 20, she had a frown on her face and rolled her eyes when she saw you, and at that moment you knew what you were dealing with.

"theres nothing we can you because you bought this 2 weeks ago" she threw the sweater and the receipt on the counter not even looking at you, and before your boyfriend took the clothing piece (most likely as a defeat to just leave right after) you spoke "that literally does not make any sense, when we bought that they said we had a month to get a refund if we keep the receipt" she looked at you for a few seconds before trying to respond before you cut her off "you made my husband wait for 10 minutes just to come up with a stupid excuse to make him leave" Seonghwa looked at you with a surprised expression, he knew what you were doing, but that didn't stopped his heart from beating faster and faster, he took a deep breath to calm himself while he pretended to straighten his clothes with his hands, for a moment he looked down at your hand and he thought about grabbing it, but then he remembered you were kinda busy trying to do what he was not able to.

Maybe you were raising your voice too much because a few seconds later an older man dressed in a expensive suit joined her behind the counter "'I'm sorry ma'am, how can i help you today?" this time your boyfriend spoke behind you, giving him the garment "i'm just trying to get a refund, i choose the wrong size" you knew Seonghwa usually avoided conflicts, but the fact that she let him just waiting like a fool standing there just fueled you anger "My husband kindly came here asking for a refund and your employee left him here waiting for 10 minutes, she went i don't know were and came back with a lame excuse to make him leave, this is unacceptable, do you let your employees treat people like that?, what if he was an elder who had no idea what to do just trying to get a gift for his loved ones?" that's when you felt Seonghwa's hand on your waist gently bringing you closer to him "I'm so sorry to hear that ma'am, and i do apologize for the inconvenience" at this point the girl was standing beside him with her arms crossed "maybe she meant to say that we can give you a refund or you can choose the right size of the same sweater you choose before" he just looked back at the girl with a forced smile, hoping she would not make the situation worst, when she didn't respond you just looked back at him "don't worry, you don't have to apologize, but it's up to my husband" the man behind you passed the last 5 minutes daydreaming, he already had a venue in mind, he was thinking whether the cake should be a classic white cake or maybe he would ask you to let him have a Star Wars themed cake, after that you could go to New Zealand as you've always planned for your honeymoon, or maybe Paris?, no, you've always wanted to go to New Zealand, and since he is for sure insisting on the Star Wars themed wedding that's the least he can do for you, or maybe a lego cake? that would be new, his friends would definitely envy him for that.

"Babe" That's when he realized the three of you were looking at him so you had to repeat the question for him "i think we can pick the right size this time" "of course Sir, that's a great idea, we can wrap it as gift for you as well" the older man looked at the girl this time and asked her to go and get the sweater for you, he didn't had to but when she rolled her eyes you decided she could use a few extra steps "Can you show me your ID to process it on the system please Sir?" your boyfriend seemed off, in the clumsiest way possible he took out his wallet to show his id.

After just a few minutes the employee gave you the gift wrapped up and ready along with your receipt "Again i'm so sorry for the inconvenience Mr. and Mrs. Park, and happy holidays" your boyfriend took the gift and quietly bowed at them before wishing them happy holidays as well, at this point the "Husband" thing was long forgotten to you, but as the two of you walked out of the store you saw your boyfriend looking at the gift as if it was the most interesting thing in the world "you ok?" there were a few seconds of silence before he spoke " I've always feared that you would beat me up to ask you to marry me, but i never thought you would do it in a department store" that's when it hit you, you didn't even asked him if it was ok "i'm sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable, i just thought it sounded more serious, i think i got carried away" "it's okay, you look hot when you're mad" even after developing the ability of have a verbal fight without crying and thinking that you were in control of your emotions this man never failed to make you a blushing mess with the most simple things "aawww, are you blushing right now Mrs Park?" you looked at him clearly not knowing how to react, smiling and frowning at the same time, this action only made Seonghwa kiss you in the middle of the hallway "keep teasing me and next time you would have to call the pizza restaurant yourself"

[delicrieux]

…TAKING WHAT’S NOT YOURS ! ⋆｡°✩

⋆⭒˚.⋆ chapter summary. spending a week taking care of fushiguro... how bad could that be?

pairing. gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader warnings for this chapter. swearing wc. 5.2k author’s note. in this story, we use first names in text when reader feels emotionally connected to the person xoxo and that's on stylistics

ੈ ✩‧₊˚

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CHAPTER 10: fushiguro megumi's week-long suspension

“i can’t believe it has come to this…” you utter, squint, and try seeing past the unrelenting glare of the july sun. gojo, always nearby, kicks a pebble, looking much more like an elementary kid rather than the one you are going to pick up.

moody, blushing, shoulders slouched and head hung; he says nothing because he tried saying something five minutes ago when you repeated yourself, but a sharp look and a displeased pinch of your lips made him promptly shut up. where was this deference when he was making your life a living hell while you begged him to leave you alone? at this point, you might tell him to jump and he’d land on pluto, if only you weren’t glaring at him anymore.

you shake your head and tut, “absolutely unbelievable.”

“oh god, please, spare me,” he grumbles, shoving a hand out of his pocket only to offer it to you.

you examine it. unappealing, “sweaty.”

the way he instantly scowls at you could be adorable, if you weren’t so irked. your bingo list for the summer, or ever, really, didn’t include attending a parent-teacher conference about an unruly seven year old that’s not even yours. fushiguro megumi keeps breaking toys and beating up his classmates – detention, teacher’s notes (which gojo did not read), extra homework, and a one on one with the parent (which gojo did not attend) did not work. a public trial is all that’s left, and even this would have slipped through gojo’s fingers. the notice arrived a week ago, but gojo neglected to check his email, and he missed the whole of 5 calls before yaga-sensei was informed of his outstanding failure as fushiguro’s legal guardian.

you shake your head again, almost closing your eyes – it’s too bright and too hot, and you think you hear the sidewalk sizzling, and maybe this is one of those days you shouldn’t be outside at all, “still can’t believe it…”

you wouldn’t be doing your duty as a concerned citizen if you weren’t even attempting to guilt-trip him into oblivion. you had plans today anyway, namely melting into your mattress or heaving by the conditioner, but he has ruined them all by asking you to come along. why didn’t you just say no? maybe because he looked especially miserable.

maybe because…

*

"here, give me that," your fingers curl over his tie, straightening the knot and smoothing it out. the inside of fushiguro’s school is thankfully cool, "is this really necessary though?"

"how do i look?"

"well...good?" your answer doesn't satisfy him much because he reaches for his hair and runs a hand, as if that will do him any favors. it doesn't. you wince and adjust the strands.

"like a respectable adult?" he is still wearing his shades, a necessary evil in the afternoon sun, even within these pale walls.

"that's a stretch."

he frowns, "not helping. the hell, i dressed nicely and everything,"

"not sure how a tie and an untucked shirt is 'nice' exactly, but okay,"

"you are so bossy," gojo has a small, pitiable expression on his face, and he's got it bad. he'd better; there's a ton of disgruntled parents lining the corridor of the conference room, and though this doesn't involve you in the least, they stare a little too hard as if you're the problem. you find you can't meet anyone's gaze directly.

"anyway," you squeeze his forearm, which feels nice – soft, his muscles yielding under the fabric – "keep it together,"

he doesn't, really, "this blows.”

"will you keep it together?"

"you're going in with me," his knuckles rap a rapid, anxious beat over his knee. he is seated and not happy, and you can't help noticing how big he is compared to the other men milling in the room, but most of all, how stupid and incompetent. it makes your heart patter in your chest.

"didn't agree to that. why do i have to?"

"because," he glares, "i'll tell them you're the mom."

he's lost it. your arms cross and your brow flattens. you take a few seconds to regard him before giving your answer.

"satoru, don’t they know you're, like, a step-dad?"

"i'm the dad that stepped up."

"seriously?"

"technicality."

"you pay the utility bills," you whisper back, annoyed.

"i'll tell them it's your biological child if you don't go in with me," he threatens.

the tips of his ears have turned a telltale pink, and even he notices, ducking his head and leaning further against the wall. when his leg won't stop bobbing, and he keeps the nervous tapping going, your heart sinks, "satoru," he really has you hook, line, and sinker, because you falter faced with his obvious distress. you didn't expect him to be this nervous, since he's always so carefree, "you..." he looks so very uncomfortable and unhappy in his white button up, which is a bit crumped, mind you, "oh, what the hell. fine."

"thank god."

the faculty makes an appearance, but not one person recognizes him. a brief discussion and introductions later, the room is emptied save the offended parents, the teacher, you, and gojo.

adults can be scary, but your job involves cursed spirits, and those are much scarier than a disgruntled salaryman will ever be.

what is more terrifying than a cursed spirit or a perturbed father trying to lynch gojo with his glare is a scorned mother. you try to not shrink into yourself as she points an accusing finger, as if you've committed the crime alongside fushiguro, "explain yourselves! what kind of parenting is this!?"

if you were sweating before, well, now you're really sweating. you and gojo share a quick, worried glance before the faculty intervenes to give an account of fushiguro. she must have some kind of hearing impairment because she yells, "young parents these days, treating their children so dismissively!"

it would be highly unadvisable and probably a very bad idea to mention the circumstances by which gojo is legally fushiguro's ward, or the fact that he's neither your biological son nor your son at all, and luckily, gojo is smart enough not to disclose any of that. no, what he says is so much worse, "i can assure you that we provide all the attention and care in the world for our son!"

it takes your mind a second to fully comprehend that, yes, he has, in fact, said 'we' and 'son' in the same sentence, and then his hand comes to clutch and yank you painfully over so that you're sitting half on the edge of his chair, "tell her!"

and the room falls deadly quiet for a few moments, which you use wisely to consider: first, kicking gojo right where it counts, and second, bolting for the nearest exit.

the silence is stifling, "err... yes, we take care of him."

"are you even out of college?!" the woman is flaring red with anger.

this isn't exactly your proudest moment, or his, and you can feel your legs shake, and how is it possible that gojo's arm, slung around your waist, is steady and strong, "we're not, but we're, we’re doing the best we can."

when the hell did you become so willing to dive into danger for a man? you'd never met such a troublemaker, and yet, here you are, listening to gojo tell the concerned parent in a voice far more confident than it had been just seconds ago, "you need not concern yourself, ma'am. we take care of megumi every single day and provide a nurturing, homey, and responsible environment for him. and we also love him very much. he and his sister. which we love. right, dear?"

and that’s your cue, “yes. my children. very well behaved.”

"he broke my son's nose!"

"did he deserve it?" gojo quips.

"no!"

he sighs. you eye the door longingly.

"i'll pay the medical bills."

*

the heat's less severe when you leave. a suspension.

with fushiguro safe and collected from his classes, the three of you stroll back to jujutsu technical. gojo lets him lead and you lag, half embarrassed, a third disinterested, and two thirds disheartened that you're now seriously involved with someone like gojo satoru, that this is your life. god, that whole experience was so bad, and his word vomit was the cherry on the shittiest cake you've had in a long time.

you are still, quite frankly, mortified. you know that gojo was talking out of his ass because explaining the real situation would actually make it look even worse than a case of young and stupid parents, but it somehow unnerved you greatly.

this is none of your concern. or it shouldn't be, at the very least. but it's making you consider the distant future and wrangle with the question of – do you want to get married? do you want to have children? such a line of thinking is unacceptable for many reasons, namely that you don't, and you're young, and you'd rather not die with any false hopes in place, because it's likely you'll never reach past your mid-20s and be with someone you actually would want to start a family with.

the city is hazy and humid, the people around appear sluggish. a vendor sells a bunch of sweet watermelons by the street. gojo stops to buy some slices for the three of you, and fushiguro accepts his reluctantly.

then, he marches onward, gloomy as always.

"megumiiiin," and gojo is right on his tail, wiggling his fingers in what's supposed to be an invitation, "let's hold hands."

"no."

"come on, i got you a week-long vacation," he insists.

"it's a suspension!" you hiss, chewing.

gojo glances back. shrugs, "eh."

fushiguro drags his feet, his chin tucked into the front of his uniform's collar, black bangs shifting messily and sticking over his eyes, "m'not apologizing."

"don't, you got good aim," gojo says wisely.

fushiguro offers gojo nothing else to say. the awkward and mortifying experience is, for him, nonexistent. he doesn't know what happened behind those doors, and he shouldn't to preserve his innocence.

for the remainder of the walk, he trudges forward without uttering another word, or without once turning back. the way he's sulking and putting distance between you, however, makes the unpleasant feeling linger a bit longer than it should, though there's really nothing you can do.

once he's already making his way to his temporary lodging, you call out, "ne, megumi," and his footsteps cease immediately. he turns about and stares expectantly, "do you have any plans for tomorrow?"

"...no."

gojo watches you with sharp interest as you try not to bend under the pressure of both of their gazes, "well," you try, sounding a bit shy, "in that case, would you like to go shopping with me? i could use the company."

silence. the awkwardness from the earlier meeting hangs heavy, until fushiguro seems to recover and crosses his arms, mouth set a little firmly, "i have to finish my homework."

what a horrible excuse.

"we could visit the arcade and get slushies," you say, feeling a bit more confident since he seems to be cracking.

he narrows his eyes, considering his options. then, with a very pronounced scowl, "is he going?"

gojo perks, having been slouching listlessly with a grimace, "oh! me? sure, i'll be there," he even beams, the prick, while fushiguro gives him a deadpan stare.

"oh, no no," you try to rectify quickly, "satoru isn't going," and you jab your elbow into his side, sunny smile and all, "you're busy tomorrow, remember?"

gojo frowns. then he pouts. then, he looks annoyed. but finally, he looks away and says, "yeah, right. i am. totally forgot. so busy."

"figured," fushiguro hums, shrugs a little and says, "sure."

"awesome," you grin, feeling somehow very lucky, "it's a date!"

"not a date!" gojo declares.

fushiguro stomps through the door, his entire demeanor shifting entirely from apathetic to downright irritated, muttering, "you two are weird."

and then he's gone. the door creaks shut behind his small frame.

"it's a date?" gojo parrots, giving you a look.

"oh, don't be mad. it's just fun teasing him," you smile a little sheepishly, tugging him along to the direction of your dorm room.

he matches your pace, steps becoming slower. his arm is warm around your back.

*

“you don’t offer to hang out often,” coming from fushiguro, it sounds less of an observation and more like a thinly veiled accusation. you give pause.

true to your word, you have taken him to get slushies and some light shopping after a stop at the aquarium, which he enjoyed the most because it was quiet and the room felt never-ending.

for a kid, fushiguro is too perceptive, too grumpy, too. you hadn't expected that your presence could be missed, or even desired, since it was so rare to see him when he wasn’t on college grounds. with his sister still at summer camp, he doesn’t have anywhere else to stay. the two of them living alone with semi-regular visits from gojo is already wildly weird and unsafe, and leaving him by himself in the apartment was out of the question.

maybe you should have invited him earlier. he must be so lonely.

"mm. s'always busy with jujutsu studies," you tell him a bit shamefully.

a tic twitches underneath his eye. he finishes his cherry-red drink in two long gulps before taking you up the escalator to his favorite candy store.

you hold his palm. he grips tight but releases hastily as though embarrassed the second the mom and pops duo in their late fifties make a aaaw sound at you two. you almost throw your electric blue slushie at them – the workup to this very moment had been nothing short of arduous. the old man and woman look absolutely infatuated.

you will have to try to sneakily hold his hand again, under the pretenses of safety or whatever, even if you’re fairly certain fushiguro would beat up a kidnapper if it ever came down to it.

he dives straight for the large jar that has the 'bullet gums' printed on the container. he holds it up, and somehow, he's more of a little kid than the angry gremlin he usually is in gojo's presence. you have to battle with yourself to not fish out your phone and snap a million pictures.

"so cute..." you mutter under your breath.

you don't think it reaches his ears until his forehead wrinkles into an offended scowl, but he doesn't say anything as he goes on picking and tossing the good ones in his basket.

"how much money do you have?" fushiguro looks at your purse suspiciously.

you’re a bit affronted – maybe he and gojo do have a lot more in common than anyone would suspect, because this child has just called you poor.

"ehh, don't worry,” maybe you should be worried for the future generation and their manners, “satoru gave me his card, so you can buy anything you want.”

fushiguro scowls. he sets down the bulging bag on the floor beside him, and looks away from you, "...i don't want anything."

you blink and peer at the selection of items. it will likely be a hefty sum, but nothing too egregious. fushiguro picked his candy with care, and you note that it’s mostly sour things.

“but it looks tasty,” you say, and you mean it, even if you prefer sugar on sugar atop liquid sugar.

“no.”

you ponder for a second what might have made him so upset so suddenly. you hum. time for some mathematics. fushiguro hates gojo, gojo is sponsoring this outing, which, maybe, somehow equals fushiguro wanting to spend time with gojo, hence, fushiguro is grumpy and probably wants to go home.

you feel like 2 + 2 = 5 since you’ve uncovered one more piece of information.

well, this is a problem. you raise an eyebrow. how does one deal with an upset seven year old? you think you’ve been doing good so far, but it’s only because fushiguro was in a good mood and somehow tolerable of your presence. suppose you'll have to play by his rules. suppose you can do that, or at the very least try.

slowly, you take the bag. then, you extend your hand to him, "we could try maxing out satoru's card – doesn't that sound fun?"

he furrows his brow and looks like he's having a bad idea. slowly, hesitantly, his tiny palm comes to land in yours, fingers slotting, and then you are both making your way to the counter.

the next spot you visit is a bookstore.

"do you like reading?" you inquire curiously.

a shrug. you assume he's shy, so you let it pass, instead picking up a few manga. they seem popular these days, and maybe you’ll actually have some free time to read it before missions swamp you and you’re off to battle curses in the muggy heat.

meanwhile, fushiguro chooses a coloring book and a plethora of new, shiny markers.

"looks cool," you say.

"yeah," he agrees, and he seems happy. you would really like to take a picture right about now, but you swipe gojo’s credit card instead. you and fushiguro share a pleased look.

when you visit the food court, it’s already buzzing.

"let's get something to eat," you suggest. he nods, "pizza?"

"yes please."

you notice him getting a bit anxious when a large group of people move in front of the two of you, and without a word, your push him closer to your body as you shield him. he stiffens, but doesn't ask you to let go, and leans his head into the comfort.

that's sweet. too sweet. you resist the urge to melt down. god, this kid is growing on you like fungus. you can't believe how happy you are to be spending time with him. that this is actually happening, and you're not imagining any of it. you almost regret not doing this sooner. you feel stupid for being scared and skipping out before.

you might even, and this you find startling, put yourself through the whole ordeal with the parent-teacher conference again. only this time, you might be the one screaming and pointing fingers. what a cute kid.

when the person in front of you finally vacates a table, you squeeze into the tight space, but not before flagging down the server.

"is it just me, or does today feel like a celebration?" you ask him in the attempt of stirring conversation.

his bored eyes wander around, perhaps not finding the occasion anything special or remarkable. but then, with a nod, he says, "i guess."

that's as much enthusiasm as he's going to allow himself to show, and that is completely fine, you decide. you don't need him to pretend for the sake of pleasing you. you're just happy to be here, and you can't wait to tell gojo all about this in great detail. he'll be so jealous.

*

yes, gojo can get any michelin star meal delivered within the hour if he’s persistent and snooty enough. he might also be able to import something from korea in the timeframe it took you to decide on what to eat if fushiguro so much as implored he wanted anything. the real problem is that fushiguro does not want to eat anything touched by gojo’s hands or credit card – the outing being the only exception, as that was done with malicious intent to scam gojo out of more money than was necessary – and you think it’s not healthy to have a growing kid survive on the instant noodles and snacks you purchase from the convenience store.

the cafeteria food is alright, but it, too, lacks the nutrition needed for strong bones and a healthy immune system. you also were unable to find the allergens or a basic ingredients list on the food served there, and the cooks you inquired were suspiciously tight-lipped about it, which only left you pondering about what exactly you have been eating for the past three years.

that, and fushiguro seems to be missing his sister lately, who, apparently, made him food, or made food alongside him, but your newfound big sister instincts send you into a frenzy even imagining this child next to a sharp knife. he is way too independent. when you think of yourself being his age, you think your childhood was much more carefree.

a homecooked meal it is. only problem is that you’re not a great cook, and whatever you made you could only serve yourself because it was just mediocre enough to teeter on the scale of enjoyment, if it could be called that.

still, you were wrestled into an apron by a pest named gojo satoru, who dons a matching one but avoids the pots and pans and stays by the television with fushiguro, as he was made aware that whatever he touches will be promptly thrown into the trash.

you chop, and stir, and haughtily avoid the counter where you were propped up to be devoured by the same man throwing his head back and cackling at some painfully unfunny late night tv show. you catch your reflection in the sharp blade of a knife and pause for a moment.

so this is my life now, huh?

as expected, neither the presentation nor the actual food is up to fushiguro’s standards. it’s evident by the way he skeptically pokes the mess on his plate with his fork. the noodles are too crisp, the broccoli – burned. you might’ve gone overboard with the seasoning, and yes, you can wrangle a curse into submission, but you cannot prepare a decent dinner.

you wait for the verdict with your hands curled into your apron, like some maid about to be scolded by a temperamental prince.

when a minute passes of just examination, you thread carefully, “ne,” fix your best smile, tilt your head to the side even – this is beyond humiliating. nothing gojo has put you through could ever amount to the small curl of queasiness on fushiguro’s mouth, “how about we order food in?”

“i’ll pay!” comes gojo’s enthusiastic agreement. he even waves the remote around, like it’ll summon something delicious on the coffee table just like that.

fushiguro, faced with this unprecedented cheerfulness, stabs his dinner and eats without a word spared.

you stare. no, this can’t be good, you might give him food poisoning, “no, really. let’s order something edible.”

fushiguro chews thoughtfully before he answers, “…it’s edible.”

“liar!” gojo accuses.

“shut up!”

well. it doesn't go too badly, and after a while, gojo puts on a nature documentary as a peace offering, while you wash the dirty dishes and keep sending worried glances to a now placid fushiguro who dutifully finished his meal and has moved on to polishing the bowl clean.

and you can't help the sudden onslaught of fondness that fills you up as the warm water from the sink hits your fingers. this is oddly nice and comforting. it reminds you of the dinners you had back home, only they never were this late and you always pouted when having to wash your plate and utensils.

"eh," you almost drop the soapy spatula; your head ticks to the entrance of the dorm kitchen, and you see shoko leaning by the doorway before the smell of cigarette smoke reaches you. her eyes jump from your apron, to gojo sprawled on the couch, to fushiguro neatly folding a small towel, "feeling a bit left out. what's going on here?"

oh no. you feel your face heat all the way to your forehead. how incriminating, how do you even begin to explain this strange and off-putting development of your relationship with gojo?

maybe you should have told her as soon as it happened, but you didn't know how.

you wanted to, though. each time you meet shoko’s gaze, you had the overwhelming urge to come clean. you can’t phantom how criminals can lie to the police with a straight face, because you’re having significant trouble. what’s worse, it always felt like shoko knew anyway, somehow; that that information breached the kawakami-gojo bubble and bled into the common knowledge pool.

shoko always seemed so suspicious, and in this case, for good reason. now, suppose you don't have to explain anything at all.

gojo points at you with this thumb, "she can't cook for shit, you know that?"

"oh, yes," shoko hums, pleased, "know it too well. i won't need to use reverse on you, will i?"

"nah," he drawls, "think i'd eat that drivel? i'm not suicidal."

"hey!" you bristle.

fushiguro frowns and glares at the tuff of white hair peaking over the back of the couch, "it wasn't so bad."

and your anger vanishes, just like that. your honor has been defended by an seven year old, and now it's just a matter of having to bear with shoko's probing look and the telltale curve in her smile.

"ah, well, if megumi vouches for you, then maybe you've improved," shoko says sagely.

gojo snorts in clear disagreement. fushiguro scrunches his brow and purses his lips.

*

there’s definitely something somewhere written about proper bedtime, but being with fushiguro has made you sentimental about your childhood, and you recalled sneaking around at night to watch tv and having too much energy to sleep, even when you were tucked into your favorite blanket with your favorite stuffed toy under your armpit and read your favorite story.

so you take him to a pastry shop at near closing time, and smile particularly sweetly at the disgruntled cashier who just finished cleaning up. you feel a bit bad, but alas – a tasty treat is a tasty treat, and what is more, everything’s on discount, so you spend a generous amount to make sure fushiguro and you have enough to snack on all the way back to jujutsu tech and then some.

you also got some for gojo, despite how brattish he can be. the only reason he didn’t follow you here is because fushiguro had forbidden it, but even now, you’re not sure if you aren’t being monitored.

fushiguro bites into his colorful fish cookie and chews. the sky is already dimming, but there’s still plenty of people out and about, enjoying their summer. he keeps close, but doesn’t reach for your hand. you hadn’t been able to achieve your initial victory at the start of the week, but maybe you still have some time.

“you’re leaving for a mission,” he says after a pleasant silence, blunt as always. you try remembering if you were this honest when you were his age. certainly, you must’ve been more tactful. when your gaze flits to fushiguro, you find him disgruntled, an expression reminiscent of gojo when he doesn’t get something he wants.

it’s starkly similar, actually. a father that stepped up…

“it’s only for a few days,” you tell him, keeping your voice light in an effort to appease him, “i’ll be back before you know it. with souvenirs, too.”

a tic creases his brow as he seems to give the offer some serious contemplation. a couple of moments pass before, with a sharp huff, he mumbles a sour, "do as you like."

you manage a patient, "look forward to the present, hm?"

he is very stubborn and says nothing but chews with a little more fervor.

"maybe you want something specific? or would surprise be best?"

you hear a short sound of exasperation at that, and a shake of his head.

"no... you can choose, nee-san."

you nearly collapse. fushiguro, no, megumi, megumi hasn't ever been so malleable before; the things this boy has been doing to your heart must be against the law. it’s too precious, and so sweet it makes the glazed cinnamon bun grasped so tightly between your fingers taste bland. how could you ever recover? is it even worth bringing it up? just how much does megumi truly care about you to call you something so tender?

you have to swallow a disgusting ball of coo for the sake of everyone, namely megumi, who seems especially irritated, “…how about a plushy? or a phone accessory? satoru said he bought you a nice new model.”

your efforts do not go unnoticed. there is a gleam in his eyes, and his cheeks flush in pleasure.

"can..." his tone lowers, quiet, almost timid, "can i choose when you're back?"

there isn't a bone in your body strong enough to decline that.

"of course," you smile, "tell me when i should come back and i will."

a pair of small fingers come to grip your sleeve, hesitantly, shyly.

"the sooner, the better," he mumbles, glaring at the sidewalk, "so... be quick."

*

“’s stupid,” gojo grumbles, making himself comfortable on your bed instead of helping you pack your suitcase, “why you needa go, anyway?”

not him, too. christ, why are they ganging up on you?

you sigh, folding a sweater. it’ll likely be too warm to wear it, but you’ll take it just in case, “cuz yaga-sensei told me to?”

“coulda said no,” he answers stubbornly. you pause to stare him down.

if not for the sunglasses, he would be giving you the same look as megumi; a bit less angry, more passive aggressive.

he presses, the smirk fading, a sharp edge to his voice, not quite biting, not yet, "wanna stay and fuck a bit instead?"

god. the word makes your spine crawl with something familiar, or rather, a mix of emotions that is indescribable and difficult to disentangle; something close to exasperated fondness, perhaps.

but you shake your head, the weak protests die out on your lips, and he rolls over, sated, like a cat that had gotten its cream, "...you sure?"

"stop trying to seduce me," you snort, ignoring the lingering glance directed at your back.

"then you'd really miss your train."

"satoru."

"right, right..."

"go be annoying somewhere else."

a heavy exhale. you don't dare to turn because you hear the mattress creak and his footsteps drawing nearer.

the warmth envelops you easily, his hold is lazy, his mouth is by your ear, hot breath sending a shiver up your nape, "mean. and here i am, all ready and eager."

but his fingers linger on the waist of your shorts, just above the material. it's a small touch. noninvasive. you can feel him holding himself back.

"...'s gonna be too cold," gojo continues, quietly. he isn't helping, his nose nudging your hair, a soft kiss pressed below your earlobe, "in bed without you. who will i cuddle now?"

oh, damn him and the things he does and says. and that honey sweet voice of his, teasing you.

but you won't fall for his tricks, "well, it won't be forever. you won't even notice i'm gone."

and he laughs. like he's telling himself not to show his irritation at you dismissing him so easily, "always notice," he mumbles, or maybe he doesn't, because he kisses your cheek one more time before he disentangles and plops down onto the mattress again, "anyway, megumi wants to escort you to the train station, so expect an entourage."

you ponder who would be more clingy: gojo or megumi.

*

it's gojo.

tags (couldn’t tag in bold!). @shokosbunny , @jotarohat , @alygator77 , @fortunatelyfurrygiver , @finnydraws , @mastermasterlist1p1 , @eolivy , @letsmyy , @staruus , @k0z3me , @damnshorty , @kaeyakaikai , @n4melesspers0n , @midnightwriter21 , @sillymercury , @byakuya61085 , @stillnotherapy , @mydearchoso , @plutoisaghoul , @byerno6 , @bqvz , @harryzcherry , @noira-l ,

[pshbites]

LOVE ON AiR: 9. YNXOXO VLOG: night out w/ won & riki

WARNiNGS » profanity, manipulation, underage drinking (DONT!!), mentions of drugs & drinking, angry ynhoon

wc: 4k, if there’s typos IGNORE PLS 😞🙏🏼

video description: welcome back to my bubble! in todays video i started off with a cute quick grwm then vlogged my night out. unfortunately the video ended off on a bad note but tysm for watching! hope u come back ^.^

you prop the camera up on your vanity and smile. you wave, “hi guys! welcome back to my little bubble!” you spin your rotating shelf of products and reach for your primer. “today, i’m getting ready for a night out. won and riki said they’re 10 minutes away.” you look into the mirror, behind the camera and begin applying your primer.

“i’ve already changed into my outfit and done my hair as you can see. just need to do my makeup.” you smiled softly at the camera and reached for your foundation, showing it in the frame like a true beauty influencer. “i was talking with kat and giselle the other night and we came up with like a whole list of videos i should do” you began blending your foundation, taking to the camera simultaneously.

you had started vlogging around the same time the podcast started. at first it was just short vlogs but since the podcast started taking off you had gotten more comfortable around the camera so the vlogs started consisting of what you ate in a day, a typical recording day, day in your life and much more. soon enough your vlogging channel started taking off as well because people enjoyed the way you spoke to the camera as if it was one of your friends.

“oh my god i didn’t even say what we were doing tonight sorry guys” you laughed a little, blending out your concealer you had put on. “i’m sure you guys remember yeonjun, he was in my new years vlog” you paused, blending the area on your chin then spoke again. “well he’s having a party tonight so me won and riki are going. well me forcefully. sunoo giselle and kat couldn’t join because they’re doing other things. bummer right?” you pouted softly to the camera and looked back in the mirror, moving to the next step of your routine.

“kat and sunoo said they would meet us afterwards and im hoping so because riki was a mess to take home after the new year’s party” you shuddered at the sheer memory of new year’s eve and how much riki bothered you that night. “honestly im glad we’re going out because i haven’t seen won or riki aside from recording days.” you glanced once more at the camera, smiling. “between us, i think they missed me too” you giggled softly, looking back in the mirror.

“you know since we hit 600,000 subscribers a couple days ago, should i make a special video?” you furrow your brows, looking at your reflection then back at the camera. “you guys should let me know, if i should post that list of video ideas we came up with, some of them are pretty fun” you began setting your face, the translucent powder locking everything in place.

just as you were going to do your eyes, the doorbell rang then a series of knocks followed it. you looked at the camera and a smile grew on your face. “they’re here!” you picked up the camera, walking through the apartment and to the front door. you opened it and turned the camera to face jungwon and riki. “oh you’re filming already?” jungwon smiled and waved to the camera. “yep!” you peeked your head out from behind the camera and riki began laughing.

“you look so weird without your makeup fully done” riki blurted out, trying to conceal his laughter but failed miserably. you squinted your eyes and moved to the side so they could both come in. once riki walked past you, you slapped the back of his head making jungwon laugh. “hey!!” he shouted, rubbing the spot. you smiled at the camera once again, ignoring riki groaning in the back. “sorry guys, let’s get back to the routine!”

the three of you walked down to your room, you sitting at your vanity and jungwon and riki plopping on your bed. “yn how much longer is it gonna take” jungwon opened his phone, scrolling on it. “just about 5 minutes. guys did i give you guys a life update?” you looked to the camera, smiling as you put on your eyeshadow. “well, incase i didn’t basically i got this new hairdryer, no it’s not a dyson or a shark but it gives me the best blowout look”

you brought some of your hair to the front, showing off the curls. riki picked his head up, his interest piqued. “wait really? i’ve been needing a new hairdryer” you looked at him through the mirror and nodded “it’s in the bathroom” you mumbled, setting your face with setting spray.

“guys please invest in good setting spray because my makeup used to melt off when i didn’t have a good one and once i changed to this one it literally stays” you showed the setting spray in frame, once again like a beauty influencer. “i feel like i also got so many compliments on my makeup once i started using it” you mumbled, closing one eye to put on eyeliner and focused so you wouldn’t mess up. “i don’t know why but anytime i have like noise in the background i can focus on my eyeliner better, maybe i'm just weird but it really does help” you chuckle lightly at the sound of the hairdryer turning on in the bathroom.

“i think i say like way too much. kat also suggested a video where i count the amount of times i say like or something like that.” you paused and looked at jungwon through the mirror and the two of you start laughing. “you said like 4 times in that sentence!” he shouts out, laughing so hard his face turned red. “it’s such a bad habit!” you replied, trying to control your laughter so you could put on mascara.

riki emerged from the bathroom, now with voluminous hair and soft curls. “that hairdryer is amazing” he admired himself in your vanity mirror making you laugh. he spotted the eyeliner and picked it up, inspecting it like a curious cat. “you think i should put some eyeliner on?” he looks to you as you fix your hair, makeup now done. “i think the viewers would love if you and won put eyeliner on” you smiled at the camera, picking it up to record both riki and jungwon. “come on won get up!” riki slapped jungwons butt, making him groan and stand up to go to the bathroom.

you brought a makeup brush to mimic the eyeliner. “just shut one eye and glide smoothly, rub it out a bit so it gives that cool smokey eye look” you demonstrate with the makeup brush. both boys watching carefully. you record riki, him putting the eyeliner on with ease and rubbing it out, then doing it to the other. he looked at himself in the mirror and smiled as if proud of himself. “wait that looks so sick. riki do mine like that” jungwon gasped, now finally putting his phone down and his face in front of riki. “i just have to do everything around here” riki sighed jokingly and did jungwons eyeliner.

“riki i think you should be an mua instead of a twitch streamer.” you giggled behind the camera making riki glare at you. “i literally streamed one time and you guys can’t let it go” he sighed out, moving away from jungwon so he could look at himself in the mirror. jungwon smiled, ruffling his hair lightly. “don’t we all look good” you mumbled, behind the camera, looking at yourself in the mirror as well. the camera captured all three of you in the mirror. “i say we coordinated pretty well.” riki spoke up, you analyzing each of your outfits.

you wore a simple black minidress with detailing around the corset. riki wore a pair of grey baggy jeans as well as black shirt and a black leather jacket to go with it. jungwon brought in a pop of color with a red and black racer jacket with a black sleeveless top under, with a pair of black jeans. “we did didnt we?” jungwon smiled, looking to the two of you then fishing his keys out of his pocket. “shall we?” riki nods, the three of you walking out of the bathroom.

you flip the camera back to you. “luckily the drive from my apartment to yeonjuns house isn’t insanely far, so i don’t have to go yet guys.” you point to the camera, smiling. “i probably wouldn’t have shut the camera anyways” you laugh out, shutting the front door behind, locking it and matching your pace with riki. “yeah the camera is glued to your hand” “but you guys love it!” “.. yeah”

“you see guys riki acts like a menace on the internet but in real life he’s actually a really nice person. he’s taking best friend applications right now!” you angle the camera towards him and he laughs. “i am actually not. won and sunoo are my best friends” “not for long..” jungwon mumbled back, making you laugh and riki stare at him.

in the midst of your rambling and joking the three of you made it to the car. riki and jungwon in the front and you in the back. “you know everytime we go anywhere it’s war to get the aux” you flip the camera to show jungwon and riki slapping each others hands to get the aux cord. “you literally got it on the way here!” riki groaned out and jungwon snatched the cord from him, plugging it in his phone. “yeah well it’s my car. learn how to drive and maybe you can play travis scott” riki gasps, as if offended and you burst out laughing, flipping the camera back to you.

“no one really talks about it but sitting in the back is actually fun. because while those two are having their own conversations, i can sit back here and just mind my own business with my cute little camera.” ‘u got it’ by frank ocean starts playing in the car as jungwon begins driving. riki rolls his eyes at jungwon playing frank ocean once again but smiles softly. he loves it too. you look at yourself in the camera, fixing a hair out of place. “did i tell you guys about my apartment floor drama” you look to the screen and pause, as if an actual audience would respond.

“it’s kinda crazy because my apartment floor has this couple living on it and they have argued like every single day out of this week, like i see the girl burst out crying when she walks out. i feel so bad because they’re a lot older than me so i can’t really reach out or try and befriend her. it sucks though” you pouted softly at the camera. “besides that, the old lady on my floor is getting mad at some dude again. as always, living in apartments is not really that fun honestly. i still love my place though!” you sigh and smile at the camera, riki laughing a little at the way you talked.

“who wants to place a bet on who’s gonna get the most fucked up tonight” riki spoke up, you furrowed your brows. “is yeonjun in on this bet? because if so i think he would be” the two boys start laughing and jungwon shakes his head. “i think riki will” “woah? rude!!” he exclaimed, putting his hands up. “don’t get me started on new years..” you mumble and look the camera, as if communicating with the watchers. “i think won will” you spoke up. jungwon furrowed his brows.

“i’ll throw a wild one, yn!” riki pointed at you and you laughed right in his face. “absolutely not” you scoffed and riki laughed. “yeah we’ll see” you glared at him, wanting to slap the back of his head again but refrained yourself. “well one of us is gonna have to be a little sober to drive home” “we could always crash” you shrugged making jungwon scrunch his nose. “yeah.. sure” he replied, making you giggle at his tone of voice.

“whoever blacks out first owes the other two a hundred bucks?” riki suggests looking the two of you and you ponder on it for a bit. “each?” jungwon asks, side eyeing riki as he nods. “fine, deal” you say, sitting back in your seat once more. you look the camera and widen your eyes a little. “guys the bet is between me and won, riki doesn’t drink” “you were recording?!” “sorry!” you yelled back, making jungwon burst out laughing as he pulled up to the house.

the three of you got out of the car and you looked at yourself in the camera once more fixing your hair. “well guys we’re gonna head in so i’ll pick up the camera a little later! see ya!” riki and jungwon wave at the camera with you and you turn it off. “don’t worry i’ll end it once we’re a bit too drunk” you looked to both of them and riki sighed as if in relief. “thank god i didn’t need a new years recap. you were evil for that you know?” you laughed next to him as the three of you walked closer to the front lawn.

after what seemed like the longest car ride ever sunghoon jake jay and heeseung arrived at yeonjuns house. “god finally.” jay mumbled, shutting the door and glaring at jake as he got out of the drivers seat. “hey if you didn’t want me to drive you should’ve said something” jake exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “not like you would’ve listened” jay replied, walking ahead of jake and jake looked at sunghoon, mouth wide open.

“cmon jake, he’s just moody” sunghoon shook his head, putting his arm around jake’s shoulder as the two of them walked to the front door. sunghoon didn’t want to be here. he would much rather be at the rink or watching a movie with gaeul. jake rambled on about something next to him but he wasn’t really listening. well he was but not entirely. he just wasn’t in any sort of mood tonight. as they entered the house his nose scrunched at the sudden smell of sweaty bodies, weed, and alcohol. what a great fragrance choice, sunghoon thought.

“heeseung! guys it’s been so long!” yeonjun approached them, dapping up heeseung. sunghoon smiled softly and nodded, all fake though. he didn’t really like yeonjun or his friends. they weren’t weird just a tad bit much. then again sunghoon didn’t have room to speak, he hung out with the same three people all the time.

“so when can i be a special guest on the podcast?!” yeonjun laughed, throwing his hands up. sunghoon and jake eyed each other then sighing and smiling. this was going to be a long night.

you turned on the camera and fixed your appearance a little. “hey guys! so we’ve been here for about an hour, no one’s blacked out thank god. right now we’re playing uno with soobin and beomgyu!” you turned the camera around to soobin and beomgyu who smiled and waved. “annnnd right now riki is winning! here i’ll prop up the camera” you smiled and set the camera down, propping it up so everyone was in frame.

as of now you had only 3 cards left and 2 drinks in your system. “yns gonna use the camera to cheat!” jungwon pointed at you accusingly and you scoffed, almost laughing. “am not!” you shook your head and looked at the camera. “i would never do that!” “that sounds like someone who would” riki laughed next to you and you pinched his arm, making him yelp.

“it’s your turn soobin hurry up” beomgyu complained next to him making soobin side eye him. “you know just because you said that” soobin placed down a +4 and looked to jungwon who only smiled and placed down another. they had planned this. “yn please say you have a +4” jungwon looked to you, making you pout. “ugh i don’t.. oh wait.. what’s this..” you fake confusion as you set down another +4 card. beomgyu gasped and looked at riki with worried eyes. the four of you stared at riki as he set down his last card, in anticipation and it just so happened to be a +4, resulting in beomgyu picking up 16 cards and riki winning the game.

“ughh fuck! you let him win!” beomgyu yelled at soobin making him laugh as riki cheered. “yeah but what matters is that you have 16 cards so i think we all won” you and jungwon kept laughing as soobin and beomgyu continued arguing, neither of them stopping for a breath. you picked the camera back up, trying to contain your laughter. “as you can see beomgyu lost tremendously compared to riki, speaking of how do you feel?” you pointed the camera towards riki who was still cheering.

he looked down at the camera and smiled. “i feel like life is finally worth living.. like i finally have a meaning. the haters tried tearing me down but it didn’t work. we are so back” “the haters should’ve tried harder!” jungwon yelled in response making you burst out laughing at how riki glared at him. just as riki was about to say something the three of your phones buzzed at the same time, most likely the group chat.

ONE NEW NOTIFCATION.

kat: where are you guysss, im in the backyard

you looked up and looked around to spot kat. you beamed once you did find her and the three of you started yelling her name. “finally” you shouted as she got closer, hugging you. “told ya i was gonna come” she let go of you and smiled at the camera, waving. “hi vlog!!” making you giggle. “riki just kicked beomgyu ass at uno” jungwon said as kat took a seat next to him, passing her a drink. “for the last time i was set up!!” beomgyu yelled back, groaning. “fine let’s deal the cards and play again!” she smiled, collecting the cards up from the table.

sunghoon watched jake’s poor attempts at flirting with some girl from the couch. he had to stifle a chuckle everytime the girl rolled his eyes as he rambled. “i don’t know why he does this to himself” jay spoke next to him, shaking his head. “it’s actually pretty amusing” sunghoon smiled, leaning back on the couch, swishing whatever drink was in his cup. “you’ve been off tonight. what is it?” he looked to jay and pursed his lips, as if hesitating to speak.

sunghoon was like that, he didn’t confide in people easily. for some reason he always found himself in this situation with jay, a hefty load on his shoulders. jay looked at him with anticipation because he had already known something was in fact bothering sunghoon, he just didn’t know what. sunghoon huffed out a breath and pulled out his phone. opening a certain chat and passing it to jay. “don’t get on me for replying” sunghoon mumbled, making jay furrow his brows as he read.

sunghoon watched jays expression as he kept reading, his eyebrows stuck in that same angry position. “what the fuck? why didn’t you say anything?” jay looked at sunghoon, placing his phone down on the couch. sunghoon shrugged, sighing as he threw his head back. “hoon don’t listen to her, she’s just trying to rekindle something that wasn’t there.” jays face turned to worry as he saw sunghoon just sitting there silently.

“yeah but what if she’s right. what if i am unlovable” sunghoon turned his head, finally facing jay. jay only looked at him. “you’re not, sunghoon she’s just trying to mess with your head. don’t let her” jay watched his friends face, how it changed to frustration after he said that. he knew after that breakup it was a dark place for sunghoon.

“yeah, you’re right. it’s just been on my mind i don’t know why. i’m sorry if im killing the mood” sunghoon sighed out, now suddenly feeling guilty for pouring his feelings out on jay, a common feeling for him. “it’s normal hoon, don’t apologize. now get up, im taking you home” jay stood up, patting sunghoons knee. sunghoon shook his head, “no i won’t ruin your night” “my night was ruined when i saw jake flirt with that poor girl. now get up man” sunghoon laughed slightly, getting up and standing next to jay.

“let’s atleast tell hee we’re leaving, i think he’s outside” sunghoon muttered to jay who only nodded, leading the way. sunghoon read the texts again, lagging behind jay. the words were etched in his head ‘you’re unlovable’ maybe he should change something. maybe he was doing something wrong.

just before he could look up, he collided with someone, spilling whatever liquid was left in his cup. “oh shit i’m sorry-“ sunghoon looked up from his phone to see you, drenched in said liquid. your friends stood behind you, just as shocked as you were. “i..” “you did that on purpose you dick!” you shouted out, trying to wipe away the alcohol on your hands.

“on purpose?! i literally didn’t even know you were here” sunghoon shouted back, eyebrows now furrowed in irritation. “yeah sure” you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. “are you stupid. i said i didn’t know” he replied, the same irritation in his voice. jay placed a hand on sunghoons shoulder, gripping it lightly. “okay hoon, just apologize”, he murmured in his ear.

“yeah for some reason that doesn’t seem believable, look just apologize” you crossed your arms, still glaring up at him. sunghoon almost wanted to laugh in your face. “apologize? you were in MY way!” “you were in my way! you probably did it on purpose too!” you shouted back, sunghoon groaning.

“the world doesn’t fucking revolve around you!” sunghoon shouted, a little louder now. loud enough for jungwon to step in between you two, you stepped back, quiet now. “there’s no need to yell man, now go.” jungwon glared at him, almost sizing him up. there was a notable size difference between the two. sunghoon scoffed, “fine” he walked past jungwon, shoulder checking him and leaving jay standing there.

jay laughed nervously as the group glared him down, scratching the back of his neck. “sorry.. he had a rough night. girl problems” jungwon gave him a half ass smile as if to say ‘okay.. go away now’ “yeah he didn’t have to be a dick about it. now can you move?” jays eyes widened at the boys bluntness and stepped to the side, letting the four of you walk away.

“you okay?” kat rubbed your arm as you guys walked towards the front door. “yeah just annoyed, ugh that guy is a dick” you grumbled, wiping away at your dress. “let’s hope we don’t have to see him again” jungwon mumbled in front of you, also quite annoyed by the encounter.

you weren’t as bothered as jungwon was, just a bit shocked. you didn’t like it when people raised their voice at you. it made you feel small, belittled almost. you didn’t like feeling that, jungwon knew that, all of them did. which is why he stepped in. he did that often for everyone, it was just his thing, protecting his friends.

the four of you reached the car, getting in. kat had ubered here so she was riding back with you guys. luckily everyone was pretty sober so going home wasn’t a problem. you sat in the front next to jungwon now, kat and riki in the back.

the car ride was pretty quiet, riki and kat in their own world and you and jungwon way too annoyed to even bother to talk. jungwon and riki dropped kat off first since her apartment came first then they reached your complex. you said your goodbyes (riki flicked your forehead) and went up, entering your apartment.

you pulled out your camera, realizing you hadn’t ended the vlog properly yet. you turned it around and fixed your expression, then hit record. “sorry i forgot to record in the car but that was pretty much it for tonight’s vlog! i’m just gonna take off my makeup, change then sleep. thanks for joining me today and be sure to like, comment, share and subscribe! till next time!!” you waved to the camera as you did your outro and blew a kiss.

previous masterlist next

AUTHORS NOTE » soooooo ummmm 😅 maybe ynhoon WONT happen as expected. anyways this is when the smau srsly starts taking off so u guys r in for some DRAMAAA. pls like n reblog luvs 💟

TAGLiST » @lqfiles @strawberrysavi @blockbusterhee @onlyhyunjin @purennn @jungkit @flwoie @imheretoread @firstclassjaylee @pinkishyng @luvgiselle @kang-ulzzang @cherryxbxmb @jkslvsnella @urslytherin @somerandomf1fan @i03jae @kittykangz @s0urcherry @istglevi-gotmesimping @hyuckies18 @seungwaitamin @taehyunnzly @luvvhaerin @brii-sunwoos-version @won4kiss @cheridiaries

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[irenadel]

And if the devil… 10/10

Aemond Targaryen X Maid!Reader TW: For the aftermath of DV Thank you to @barbieaemond for letting me use her beautiful gifs to make this lovely fic banner. As promised am tagging @prettyduckling22

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

It is raining heavily when the queen finds you. The lantern she holds aloft barely lets her and her father see you and they dare not come any closer. Her son’s dragon is wide awake, making a dreadful rumbling sound somewhere deep in her gullet. There is a soft, hazy glow all along the beast’s underbelly, like dying embers, like a fire you make the mistake of considering dead.

Alicent feels like her entire body has been turned to lead, soft and infinitely heavy. She hears her father hold his breath and knows, at least, she is not alone in her terror.

He does not leave her. He holds her shoulders steady and Alicent is grateful for that.

“Aemond…”

When Vhagar picks her head from the ground, moves it like Alicent imagines avalanches must move, she is still making that wrathful, rumbling sound. The ground shakes with it. Her legs feel like they will not carry her weight and she wants to weep, like a child, when the dragon opens her mouth to breathe hot and humid and carrion-like upon her.

She wonders if this was the last thing her son saw with both eyes, before that terrible night where it had all begun to go wrong.

“Try again,” her father whispers in her ear. Always try again. Never a moment’s rest.

“Aemond please,” she croaks out, the feeble light of her lantern trembling in the wind. “I’ll be quick.”

The dragon makes another noise and Alicent finds it to be the most awful of all, for she feels it, to the bottom of her belly, a heavy, nauseous weight, a near human moan of pain. When Vhagar cocks her massive head to better look at her, Alicent nearly cries in fear until she sees those eyes. Always they had seemed beady and lizard-like to her, predatory and unknowable, but now they just seem miserably tired.

For a moment she feels ashamed.

I trusted you with him, the ancient, watery eyes of the dragon Vhagar seem to say to her. I trusted you with him and always you have failed me. First the eye and now this…

She breathes the words between near-clenched teeth and it is a wonder to her that the dragon seems to understand as she turns from her and to her father behind her. She advances without him, without even looking back at him, unable to explain the price of going under the great dragon Vhagar’s wings to him.

He would not have paid it anyway. He has never paid it for her.

When she finds you and her son laying against the wall of stinking, warm scales she almost pays it again. She covers her mouth and traps the words behind her fingers. 

I’m sorry, she wants to repeat, but finds she cannot. Not when confronted with her son’s bloodied face years ago, not now that he doesn’t look at her, you in his arms, wrapped in his green cloak, kept warm by dragonfire, dry by one leathery wing held close to the dragon’s body. She barely recognizes you in the gloom under Vhagar’s shadow. Ugly, scrawny thing that you had been. Remarkable only for your strange coloring and the princess’s favor. You had made Helaena happy and thus the queen had tolerated your ill manners. You had been smart and obedient and made yourself scarce when you had become a problem and Alicent had been grateful for the discretion if for nothing else.

Now she feels ill looking at the blood upon your dress. She cannot tell much else with her single lantern’s light and she almost doesn’t dare whisper it: “Is she alive?”

Aemond’s hand stops, halfway through caressing your short, matted hair. There’s dried blood all over one side of your face, your temple and cheek having already swollen black and blue. Your eyes are closed, your hand holding onto the prince’s neck is swollen too, white-knuckled and clenched.

He still does not look at her.

“You can leave now,” he answers and Alicent does not know his voice in that moment. Wants to shake some sense into him as she has done to his brother so many times. A man’s voice, with a petulant boy’s demand.

“She needs a maester, Aemond,” she tries again, not even knowing if it would not just be wiser to let this all die down. Let things take their natural course and help her son mourn, later, once the danger is over.

Aemond is speaking to you, low and gentle, in a soft, kind tone Alicent hasn’t heard from him since he had both eyes. Some of it must be High Valyrian, the rest Alicent cannot recognize. There is a cadence to it, like music. Through it, she hears Vhagar howl again, sees the pebbles on the floor jump with the monstrous vibration of it all and knows she cannot.

Who knows what would be left of her boy if she lets him lose one more thing?

“I’ll bring the maester here,” she capitulates, kneeling down besides the two of you, just to get a better look at you. A fever, she feels when she dares put her hand on your ruined cheek. But you breathe at least. When she gets up to leave, she feels the tug of her son’s hand on her wrist, terrifyingly strong and uncaring, but is glad that he should at least look at her now.

“It was a lost babe,” he says, his voice that of a man, she realizes now, because all emotion is gone from it. Alicent’s heart turns to ice. “A beating and a punch to the gut.”

She had not fled Vhagar when the hoary old thing had turned to her, but she flees her son now. You and her son.

Things have a price, the septons had said sometimes, when she was young and naughty and free. She thinks of Aemma Arryn and her own four living children. She thinks of her daughter, white-faced and grim in spite of the healthy, beautiful babe she had borne. When she ignores her father’s imprecations, when she drags a young and discrete maester to the seaside cliff where Vhagar nests, when together they try to pry you from Prince Aemond’s arms and succeed only in getting him to carry you gently, ever so gently, back to the Red Keep, she thinks of the price of things.

An apology she will never speak to her child but only to his dragon.

A girl’s life. A boy’s soul.

She is done letting her son pay the price and she tells her father as much. He can handle the gossip and the angry lords. It matters little. If he cannot, then perhaps her son’s dragon will.

The prince waits.

He watches a young, redhead maester unstick the clothes off your body and sponge the blood off your skin. Grand Maester Mellos is too important to bother with you.

He listens and seethes. His mother behind him, eyes moist, looking to him though he cannot answer them.

The young maester tells you the blows to the head are the most worrisome. That and your coming cold. He does not use the word babe when he says there should be no lasting damage, it was an early pregnancy. He gives you willow bark tea for the pain and makes you sweat out the rest of your fever. Rest and food should put you to rights, he says to you. He speaks only to you, firm but gentle, not to the prince standing besides your bed, sword-straight and impassive. He is too cautious and well-mannered to let more than pursed-lips betray his anger at whatever royal mistreatment has befallen you. He has no qualms in telling you to call him if you were to have need of moontea, even with the queen and prince balefully looming over him and his patient. Aemond almost likes him.

The queen tries once to suggest moving you out of the prince’s quarters. She does not try again.

The prince waits.

He will allow no servants to tend to you, no one but the queen and maester. When necessary, he will change the linens on his bed himself while you sleep, the way you had taught him to do with his own royal father. It frightens him, how deep your slumber is.

The prince sleeps as close to you as he dares, curled up like a dog at the foot of his own bed. He crawls in it when you are asleep, unwilling to give you the chance to chase him away, soaking up your lingering warmth, too ashamed to ask for it, too desperate to forgo it entirely. He almost thinks he need not bother.

Because the prince waits and still you will not speak.

Your face has gone from black to green to a sickly yellow. You sit in a prince’s bed. You eat the bread he gives you and drink the stew he spoons into your mouth. Sip the warm tea he brings you while you stare at the sheets and say nothing.

Aemond is too miserably aware of how low he is willing to stoop for your voice to attempt speaking to you himself. He has considered it all. Shaking it out of you, with a shout and a curse. Dragging his brother to this room and killing him for you, for himself. Bringing his sister here. Her children. Taking you in his arms again and taking you to Vhagar, flying across the sea, to anywhere that will make you speak again… smile again…

You are slipping from his hands, as far away as you were during those first few days when he would skulk outside closed doors and steal away snippets of your voice, low and husky, singing foreign nonsense to his niece and nephew.

But he is too tired now to summon the outrage he used to feel, at you owning comfort he could not reach.

So the prince waits… until he can wait no more.

“Please,” he says to you, as you sit and stare. “Please…”

You still say nothing. But you do look at him. You reach for his hand and he lets you have it, for as many hours as you need it, even as it grows numb in your grasp. You hold its warmth to your belly, as if the blood of the dragon could thaw the cold residing in there now.

He looks at your glassy eyes, your white-knuckled hand and his own on your belly and he knows what he must do. He should have done it long ago, the first time he had ever seen the blood on your split lip, the bruises on your pale skin. He should have known better than to let himself be distracted by the beauty they revealed to him. He kisses your forehead before he does, trying not to tremble at the brief taste of your skin. He is a man starving, with hunger’s implacable ruthlessness.

When he returns, he drops your cousin’s severed hand upon your lap. The hand that took a prince’s son from him. Prince Aemond One-Eye himself, a bruise of his own on his face, hair wild, eyepatch and dignity forgotten. What he will never forget again is the sound a man makes when Valyrian steel cuts through his flesh and bone.

You do not understand. For a moment you are so stunned and angry it knocks the numbness right out of your lungs. You look at your prince, watch him fall to his knees, lay his head on your lap, besides your flesh and blood, and almost forget to make sense of the words when they come out of him. Westerosi is only your second tongue after all.

“I would have you sing again,” he says with the hoarse rawness of a man who has just discovered all his cruelty to be bravado. “I would have you laugh again.”

And it is awful, to think Aemond would not know that there is no blood that could buy back your soul. Awful but not surprising, that he should not know pain and sorrow could only beget more of themselves. You had known this of him, the first time you had ever seen a sapphire hiding pain. You try not to think of Angus, still a boy, still as much a boy as Prince Aemond himself. You try not to think of what a hand means to a working man and not to a prince. You try not to think of the bridges he has burnt or the ties he has severed for you forever more, when he severed tendon and marrow.

Because if you start thinking of it, you will find yourself fiercely glad that he did.

You will find within your breast a cry of vicious triumph, that sounds to your mind like a Dothraki screamer. Nothing that could ever bring you comfort. Nothing that could ever pay for the death of your dreams, or your hopes, or your love for a boy who had been your boy until he wasn’t.

Nothing that would help.

But still, Aemond had done it for you. Useless, the mother you had barely known had called it in the far reaches of your memory, when men beat their breasts and swear death to you.

Useless perhaps, but he had done it for you.

He lets out a sob when your hand runs through his hair.

“You have no coin,” you say to him and he near cries in relief at the sound of your voice. “To buy back my joy. There is no joy left for me in the world. I have nothing.”

You’ve taken it all from me, you do not say. With black steel and my kinsman’s blood. No hope now, to go back home.

Good.

You think of getting up and not looking back. You think of sailing the poison water and finding your way back to the land of your father, to endless grass and sun-baked earth. You see life unfurling before you, empty and safe. A man maybe. A strong rider who would give you strong children instead of moontea and grief. Small, boring children that do not eat your insides with fangs and claws and fire.

Aemond burrows his face into your lap and crushes your borrowed shift and sheets in his bloodied hands.

You know you cannot. You have no home left but him.

“You’ve nothing I want, Aemond One-Eye. Nothing to pay me with but one thing.”

You see him whip his head off the bed to look at you, the nightmares and dread written clearly on a face too young and beautiful to bear them, warring now with desperate hope. You take this face into your hands, this face you have cherished and cursed, and hold it close to yours, grip tight enough to keep your hands from shaking.

“You,” you breathe and he reaches back for you, hands flying to your neck and gripping you as close as you grip him, choking back a cry of savage joy. “You are the only thing I will ever want again. The only coin I will take. I have nothing but you, nothing. So you will pay me with your life. Swear to me… swear you’ll live forever.”

Easy promise for a king’s son, you think. Easy to think you would go first, of toil or hunger or sorrow. As long as he lived it would be alright.

“I swear,” he answers as he lets you taste the tears off his lips. “Forever.”

I almost cannot grasp I am done with this. It's been consuming my life for the last couple of months. I've been virtually possessed by the idea and I am just glad I was able to surf the wave until I could finish it. Extra chapter and all. I think I've got a couple more Aemond porn one-shots in me that I've started and will probably try to finish. Some Helaemond X Reader and some Aegond X Reader if anyone wants to hear a little bit more of this verse... or at least the shoddy AU I have to conjure to get the pretty Targaryen people to fuck without killing each other. Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left likes. ...not that I will ever admit to obsessively refreshing AO3 and tumblr for likes but yeah... You guys are the best T_T thank you

[honestlydarkprincess]

writing patterns

tagged by @jeeyuns, @devirnis, @exhuastedpigeon mwah

rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

we made it (knew that we would be alright) - buckley siblings, rated G “Not that I’m not happy to have lunch with you, Mads, but it was kind out of the blue, everything okay?” Buck asked, putting his drink down after taking a sip. They were waiting for their food at this cute little diner that they loved to come to together and Maddie had been nervously fidgeting for ten minutes now. Buck couldn’t take it anymore and had to ask.

send a flare up in the dark (and i'll come find you) - buddie, rated T “Why are we here, Natalia?” Buck grumbled, looking miserable as he took a big sip of his beer. He picked at the plate of fries that sat on the table between them, shoving one of them in his mouth with a sigh. “We could have just stayed in.”

whatever shall we do - buddie, rated T Buck was immediately suspicious when Eddie sat down across from him at the table in the loft and gave him a wide smile. “What do you want?”

race to the sun (rest when it's over) - buddie, rated E Buck knew that he shouldn’t taunt Eddie while they were fucking. Really, he did. But it just got Eddie so riled up when Buck was a brat that he couldn’t help himself.

i could be the one to make you fall (again and again) - bellarke, rated E Normally, hanging out with the Blake siblings would be a very good night for Clarke. It was her preferred way of spending an evening to be honest. She loved spending time with her best friend and her best friend’s older brother— who also happened to be her crush. Falling for her best friend’s brother was not something Clarke had intended to do and it was times like these that reminded Clarke of just why it was a bad idea.

new sensations, sweet temptations - thiam, rated E When Liam’s mom Jenna started dating his classmate Theo’s adoptive dad David, Liam hadn’t thought all that much about it. His mom hadn’t really dated since his father had died when he was a baby, so he hadn’t thought this would stick. He had been friendly enough when she had brought David home, even played nice with his son Theo. They didn’t get along all that well at school but there were never any problems. Not in high-school and not when they ended up at the same college. Not until Theo became a more concrete part of his life.

all in - hangster, rated E If you had told Rooster a week ago that he would be stumbling into his base housing with Hangman, making out against every surface Rooster could push him into, he would have called you a liar. As it was, he still couldn’t quite believe this was happening, even though Hangman’s tongue was currently in his mouth.

in the middle - buddie/natalia, rated E Eddie jogged up to Buck’s apartment, whistling absentmindedly as he played with his keys. They were planning to go out to a bar tonight for a couple of drinks and then come back to Buck’s for a movie. Eddie would admit that he didn’t really want to go out tonight, would much rather stay in and get all of Buck’s attention on him. But Buck was really excited to try this new bar and Eddie couldn’t say no to him.

help me to help myself - bellarke, rated E Agreeing to live with Bellamy was not, objectively, one of Clarke’s better ideas. Crushing on her college roommate’s older brother turned best friend? An even worse idea. They had been best friends for years now and the pining was getting a bit ridiculous.

make me crawl, make me beg, make me bleed - hannigram, rated E Hannibal let out a gasp as he was pressed against the filthy brick wall of the alleyway outside the night club. He could feel the beat of the music pulsing along the wall. The guy he had picked up took his gasp as one of pleasure, grinning in a way that he probably thought was seductive. But to Hannibal, it was sleazy. Ugly. Beneath him. Yet, this is the guy Will had chosen and since it was Will’s birthday, Hannibal had left the choice of mark up to Will.

tagging: @bigfootsmom, @usersiren, @morganofthefairies, @swiftietartt, @princessfbi, @loserdiaz, @monsterrae1, @giddyupbuck, @father-salmon, @underwater-ninja-13, @hoodie-buck, @spagheddiediaz, @malewifediaz, @eddiiediaz, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @spotsandsocks, @hippolotamus, @wikiangela, @theotherbuckley, @watchyourbuck, @fortheloveofbuddie, @buck-coded, @daffi-990, @911onabc, @arthursdent, @disasterbuckdiaz, and @maygrantgf

[pixeldistractions]

upcoming stories and plans and stuff

Hello, friends, who wants a long texty progress report?!?

Nobody? Well, you’re getting one anyway! 🤪

First, Thanksgiving is about to plow through everybody’s motivation for a week or two, right? Happy Turkey day to all who celebrate! 🦃 Then Christmas and New Year will be right behind it. 🎄☃️🎄 Let’s not set the bar too high, right?

In my noveling life, I have made exactly 800 words of progress on Miserable Ghost Story last month because my brain is stuck on Boxes and Squares instead. (B&S stories got about 12,000 words added, for a comparison.) Oops. I keep going back and forth on what to focus on first. MGS is a good little book, and if I could focus, it would be quick to finish and get out the door, but I’m just so damn obsessed with my B&S characters. My stupid brain writes what it wants to write about. 😖

And mostly, in writing, I feel like it’s a good idea to go where the energy wants to go. When a story is calling, it’s a lot easier to work on something that is calling than trying to force something that is not calling.

But I think also why I’m so obsessed with the story and getting through book 5 is because I feel like it’ll free up my brain a little to work on other things, both in sim stories and otherwise. There’s this mid-story climax point we’ve been building toward and we’re almost there!

So, plow ahead forward? Right? Right???

But wait…

Now I’m kind of picking at some things from book 1 that never got to be part of the blog version, and I want them to be. Some things that were part of old gameplay stories that I want to revise and expand.

Don’t redo old stories… don’t redo old stories… don’t redo old stories!!!

Except I kind of want to go back and redo old stories. 😂🤣😂🤣😵

I guess I’m a bit of a completionist. I know the blog version is not going to include everything from the novels—it could never—but it should include the important things. The things that develop characters and explain motives and maybe just a little bit of the absolutely precious fluff that deserves to be illustrated with sims, just because.

And I do intend to leave the blog version up when the novel version is published (because I’m an indie author and I do what I want!), so I want them both to be as full as they can be for their format.

Because, at the end of the day, this sims story version is here to please me, and please you guys, and it serves no other purpose than that, really. So, it would make me happy to go back and redo some of those earlier pre-story sections, like before even My Sweetheart. So I think I will.

Because I really do want to get back to Colette in #5.3 and she really does need to get laid! But funny enough, after her shock in #5.2 pt 10, then drafting Colette in #5.3, I felt like she was wanting to dig so much into her history of that time and the failure of that relationship. So I’ve been spending a lot of time in that era anyway.

So, a quick flashback story first??? (I said quick, but I didn’t say little. It’s not really very little. But with the writing done and grabbing a few select pictures, I think I can post it quick.)

The flashback story begins almost one year ago in story time, on Maria’s birthday. It’s an expansion/retelling of this gameplay post, which was their first real story on the blog (not as supporting characters), with Maria and Jordan in their flirty coworkers era, and Jordan and Colette in the last months of their quickly deteriorating togetherness. Then it also fills in the gaps in and around “my sweetheart #2” and what drove Jordan to decide to ultimately blow up his life.

As it stands, it’s about 10,000 words (I’m so so sorry! I promise they’re good ones? 😬😬😬) and will be split into 3 chapters of 4-6 parts each.

Some characters are super excited to be back in this era:

Look at her absolutely cheesing at this man! 😆

Girl, stop and get back to work! You’re not even getting a kiss out of him for another 8 months!

Others are not so happy to be back in this time of their life:

He’s like, “Why, oh god why are you doing this to meeeeee?!?!?”

So, coming soon. Unfortunately, I need to build something for the first part, but this is a real historical save point, so all their other houses and locations are ready to be filmed in.

[thecaroliner]

After almost six months I think I’m finally ready to talk about what happened to my dog to get it off my chest and maybe this will help others prevent this happening to their dogs.

About 2-3 ago we began noticing a few changes in Chibi that we just associated with age. He was 10-11 at that point so obviously he was slowing down a little bit but we also noticed how itchy he had become. It seemed like all day every day he was gnawing and scratching at himself, sometimes to the point of drawing blood. His vet basically shrugged and said “idk try this prescription shampoo” we tried it. There was a small improvement but really didn’t do enough for him. As time went on he became more and more miserable so he was finally prescribed a pill and a monthly shot to help with the itching. Again, it did ease his symptoms somewhat but not like it should have. His vet seemingly just didn’t care enough to try anything.

So last year he began losing hair, like a LOT of hair. Especially on his tale. His underside was slimy too, and he smelled awful despite having a bath pretty much every other day. It was getting to be a little gross to even pick him up. He was freezing all the time because of how little hair he had.

So finally, in around January, I took him to the vet one day because his eyes were leaking really badly. The vet seeing him that day was like a traveling vet and it was her first time at that clinic. She was much more concerned about his itching and lack of hair rather than his eyes, and when I told her his history she said “well it sounds like the regular vet has just been trying to put a band aid on his symptoms and not get to the root of the issue.” I am eternally grateful for this woman because she was determined to find the cause of it and it lead to a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. All his symptoms, his lethargy and itchiness and hair loss, his overproduction of sebum was all related to that. Pretty much within a few days of him receiving thyroid medication, he was like a new dog.

He suddenly had energy again. He would play and run around. His hair began growing back and he stopped itching and smelling bad. My baby, who we were afraid was just slowly dying from age, was like a puppy again. I am so so so grateful that he got to spend the last few months of his life full of energy again.

And then came April. One night, after a completely normal day with him, and he threw up around 11 pm. No big deal, he throws up from time to time. But then he did it again, and again, and again rapid fire. He was shaking and walking around like he was scared. Three years prior, he had shown these same symptoms and the emergency vet concluded he had eaten something toxic (to this day we have no idea what it could’ve been) and in kidney failure but was able to get him on some fluids and meds and he was good as new.

Mom and I were afraid this was happening again, so at midnight we loaded him into the car and took him to the ER vet. $800 and some fluids later and they said “well, he could possibly have pancreatitis but just monitor him and follow up with his regular vet.”

We take him to the vet a few days later. “Oh, I see he was diagnosed with pancreatitis.” We were shocked because the ER vet said it was maybe a possibility and not a definite. But okay, he has pancreatitis. So now he has to be on an extremely bland died of boiled chicken and rice and some prescription dog food.

He did fine for the next week or so, but then one day just stopped eating. He didn’t even want his favorite snacks like peanut butter. He just sat around the house, but he was sitting up as though laying down would be too difficult for him. He kept begging to go outside and try to potty but he couldn’t. Even days later when nothing was in his stomach at all he was trying to go.

I take him to the vet one morning and tell them the symptoms. “Well, just get him to eat a bland diet and it’ll ease his symptoms” he. Is not. Eating. I went home frustrated. That afternoon he seemed to be in tremendous pain so I took him back, and this time they weighed him. He’d lost 4 pounds in just a matter of days. Not one person at that vet office seemed even mildly concerned about this.

This bitch of a vet tech pulls me into a room and goes “okay, so tell me exactly what is going on because you and your mom keep giving us conflicting answers about if he’s eating or not, so what’s the deal” HE. ISN’T. EATING. My mom and I were both telling them that. I don’t know what the confusion is. He got more fluids and we left once more with no answers.

And then 4 days later he was gone. On his last night he began sounding really congested when he breathed and the next morning the vet said his pancreas was just failing I guess and the mucus he was producing was from his lungs and there was nothing they could do. And that was the end.

I found out shortly after that undiagnosed hypothyroidism can lead to pancreatic issues and failure in dogs.

My baby suffered for 2 years because his vet didn’t bother trying to really fix his problem. And then he finally, FINALLY gets to feeling normal again only to go from a little sick to dead in just 2 weeks.

It really just felt like the vets office was in the mindset of “oh he’s old so we aren’t gonna bother doing much for him”. Life expectancies for his breed can go up to 15-17 years so he probably still had quite a life left ahead of him.

I miss him so much.

[xxsksxxx]

Almost Heaven

Summary:

Mulder’s attempt to find more exciting cases to investigate while stuck in the bullpen turns into another weekend trip to the forest.

Meanwhile, Scully is faced with a tempting offer that could change both her future and their lives.

This story is complete, and I’m going to post one chapter a day.

AO3 | Back to the Beginning | @today-in-fic

Chapter 9: Take Me Home

Washington, D.C. Scully’s apartment Sunday, November 29th, 1998, 10:55 am

Mulder pulled into an empty spot in front of Scully’s apartment and turned to look at his partner. He could only see the back of her head since she was again staring out the side window, obviously deep in thought.

Mulder turned the key in the ignition, and the motor died; the metallic ping of the cooling motor was the only sound in the car. “Scully, we’re here,” he said softly.

She turned to him and blinked, like coming back from miles away, and looked around. “Thanks, Mulder,” she said hastily, turning to open her door.

He put a hand on her arm, and she stopped moving. He hesitated, then took a deep breath and asked despite his better judgment. Mulder knew he was pushing her, but he couldn’t just leave like that. “Scully, please. What’s going on?” he asked softly. “I know I promised to give you space, but this is driving me crazy. Is it because of that phone call from earlier?”

She exhaled, her shoulders slumping. “It’s—it’s complicated, Mulder.”

“I figured,” he replied, his voice soft but steady.

She lowered her head and began twisting her hands, which made him even more nervous. Scully didn’t tend to get stressed easily. He’d seen her walk into situations without blinking. Watching her sit here in his car, fidgeting, had him fear for the worst.

“I got a call Friday evening,” she said finally. “From Skinner.”

“Skinner?” Mulder asked, confused. “What did he want?”

“He offered me a job.” Scully stilled her hands and looked back up. “A really good one. A chance to make a real difference again, to do something meaningful,” she explained, her eyes never leaving his. “This could be a chance to get back to investigating the truth again.”

Mulder felt his heart rate pick up. “And you’re thinking about taking it,” he asked, his voice far calmer than he felt.

Scully didn’t reply.

“What about me? Don’t you think what we did on the X-Files together was meaningful?”

“You know it’s not that,” she said hurriedly, reaching out and putting her hand back on his arm. “But we aren’t on the X-Files anymore. And it’s just—” she took a deep breath, “it’s just that even if we try to work around that, do our own investigations off the book, or try to make a difference, it feels like we’re turning in circles. One step forward, two steps back. I could finally try to make progress on our work again in an official capacity. And I’m sure I could get you in as well after a while.” Her eyes were moving all over his face, and he felt like she was trying to convince him as much as herself. For the first time in weeks, he wanted to pull his arm away, to not have her touch him.

“But that’s not the only reason,” she continued. “My life is passing me by, Mulder. I’m 34 years old—and what do I have to show for it?” She laughed bitterly, and Mulder felt it like a stab to his heart. “A bit more than a year ago, I was lying in a hospital bed, thinking I had wasted my whole life. That I was going to die, having made no difference at all. All those evil men were still doing what they had been doing, experimenting on women, injecting viruses and antidotes, implanting chips, and playing god with people’s lives.” He watched as her lower lip started to tremble, and her eyes filled with tears. But she didn’t allow them to spill. No, Scully didn’t give in to tears about what had been done to her, he thought miserably.

“I even offered to put the blame on me, so my death wouldn’t be completely without meaning. Remember?” she continued, and Mulder wished he had never asked. He didn’t want to hear any of this. He didn’t want to think about those days when he thought he’d lose her. And he didn’t want to think about wasting lives and walking in circles.

Scully must’ve seen the panic in his eyes because she put her hand over his hands, and he noticed for the first time that he’d been twisting the car keys back and forth across his palm.

“And it’s not just about work. It’s also about me. About wanting to live life, to experience what I dreamed of when I was lying in that hospital bed, praying I would get another chance.” Her gaze never wavered from him, and where she’d been fidgeting earlier, she was as calm as she could be now. “I don’t want to waste any more time, Mulder. I don’t want to keep waiting for what I can’t have,” she whispered.

Mulder studied her face. All he wanted for her was to be happy and to have her know that she made so much of a difference in so many ways. All those people whose lives she had touched, the bad things she had prevented with her science, her sharp mind, all the comfort she had given with her compassion and her determination. But most of all, he wanted her to know that she had made all the difference in HIS life. Without her, he couldn’t even imagine what life would be like for him. She made him who he was—his anchor, his baseline, the reason he hadn’t given up.

The problem was, he had thought he’d made that clear a few months ago. His mind flashed back to his hallway, cradling her head against his shoulder, feeling her breath on his lips, and he closed his eyes against the pain of fearing that he might never feel that again.

Mulder could hear her breathing calmly, now that she’d said what she had meant to say, and he quickly opened his eyes. There was a mix of uncertainty and vulnerability in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place—like she was trying to tell him something that she didn’t quite dare to say. But it was gone in an instant, and all he could see was her determination. He placed his hand over hers and turned to her fully. “Scully, you do make a difference. Every day. Not only at work but most of all in my life.”

She shook her head and turned her face away. “I don’t know, Mulder. Lately, it feels like everything is standing still,” she whispered. “Like WE are standing still.”

He squeezed her hands beneath his to get her attention, and she looked back over to him. There was the vulnerability again like she was trying to tell him something that was just out of his reach. He frowned. “Scully, you are the most important person in my life! I can’t even imagine doing this without you. I don’t even want to! Life without you—,” he sighed. “There just wouldn’t be any point.”

She looked at him, her eyes flicking all over his face, and he could see the uncertainty. All of a sudden, he felt like the most egotistical jerk. Since the summer, he’d always waited for the other shoe to drop—that she’d regret staying after all—especially after they’d been assigned to Kersh and his useless shit detail.

And he’d expected just such a call as the one from Skinner, where someone would realize what an amazing agent they had hiding away in the bullpen. And that she would finally be tired of constantly losing the things she wanted, gaining nothing in return.

Nothing but me and the chance to uncover the truth, that is, he thought morosely. But that had been his quest, from when he was 12 years old, and there really hadn’t been a choice for him. This was his destiny, the purpose of his life.

But for her? Yes, there were choices. And while she kept coming back again and again, he had always wondered when it would be too much. When that one thing would happen, that would be one bridge too far, and she’d have enough. And it seemed like she had finally gotten that offer that had made her reach this point.

Mulder closed his eyes against the pain in his heart and braced himself for what he knew he had to do. This was a choice she had to make. Staying with him and with the vague chance of getting the X-Files back had to be something she wanted—not something she felt obligated she had to do. All attempts to convince her—to talk her into it—would be wrong. Even if I thought for a minute, anyone had a chance to talk Scully into anything she didn’t want, he thought.

He opened his eyes and took both of her hands in his, looking at her earnestly. “I want you to be happy, Scully. If this job is what you need, and want, then you should take it.” He swallowed, and his throat felt like he was choking on glass shards. “But whatever you decide, please know that you are very much valued and needed in my life as well.”

He gave her a crooked smile and let go of her hands, and she looked at him for a few long moments, then slowly nodded and turned towards the door, pushing it open.

She stepped out, pausing to take another long look at him. “Thank you, Mulder.”

Mulder nodded wordlessly and watched her grab her bag from the trunk and move into her building. He didn’t leave for a long time.

[gu6chan]

tell us about barnabas 👀

YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so first right off the bat i owe you an apology, you were so kind to reach out and this ask is like a month old and i actually finished it 2 weeks ago but thought "Barnabas' birthday is on the 27th, isn't it?" so i actually scheduled it for there 😭 im so sorry if it felt like i forgot about you!!!! i never forget about my asks, i swear skgdhbjhfd especially not as kind as this!!! i just take an extremely long time answering them, i promise aaaaa....

OKAY, SO (I may want to warn ahead of time for warnings of murder, CSA and general violence/mistreatment of kids)

There's a WHOLE bunch that i could go into in how his story DEVELOPS but i'll try my best just to give a basic rundown otherwise this could last forever!! There's going to be a few details left unsaid for the sake of brevity and simplicity since it's a lot but! I will do my best to explain this coherently 🫡 THANK YOUUUUU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ABOUT HIM IVE BEEN WORKING ON THE DOODLE HERE FOR THE PAST COUPLE DAYS SO I COULD DO THIS ASK JUSTICE LMAO

So!!! Generally speaking, Barnabas (His full name being Barnabas Johannes Mandalay) is a very important character in the little story I have!! It's divided up into four main parts which make up the primary story, with a couple side stories here and there :3<

Barnabas isn't really seen in most of the story till about the last moment, but he's certainly there!! He also gets to be a "protagonist" of his own story, Garden of Genesis, which is sort of like a de-facto "prequel" to the four main bits? That said, that will probably be the section of his story I cover here as it's.... literally HIS story lol Honestly, whether I'll ever do anything with this story at all or just keep it in my head I'm not even sure, so I'm thrilled whenever I get to yap about it!!!

But to explain who Barnabas actually is, he was born on October 27th, 1697, the son of the duke Johannes Mandalay and his wife, Rosemary, and the twin of a stillbirth, Edmund. Barnabas was deemed unlikely to survive due to an extremely weak heart that made even the act of walking difficult, and given the high infant mortality rate of the time, he was sadly cast aside with expectations he would die. His parents didn't want him dying miserably, so they placed him in the nursery they had prepared for them with plans to pick him up by next morning.

However, two servants, Empathy (11) and Henry (10), would eventually be led to the nursery holding the young baby Barnabas that night by a certain crow, which I'll talk about later. (Technically it was Empathy who was led to it and Henry who later stumbled across them both after hearing a ruckus and deciding to investigate, but...) The two decide to try their best and take care of Barnabas in secret, a task that they end up being pretty good at for two pre-teens! lmao

So time flies, and Barnabas is introduced back to his family! Of course, he's alive, but still very weak, not being able to leave past the premises of the manor and also needing to be pushed around in a wheelchair to get anywhere at all. His mother loves him and pays him attention enough, though,,, she's also kinda not getting her hopes up for him to STAY but his father is the exact opposite, even if he IS kinda skeptical that Barnabas is going to live, he still showers him with attention and praise and essentially spoils the poor boy rotten to the point everyone was kinda "???? what are you doing" 😭

Most IMPORTANTLY though, Barnabas' father was his main foray into religion, which Barnabas was absolutely TAKEN with. One of Barnabas' most cherished items is the small red bible his father left him, which he continued to carry around to the end of his life like a pacifier lmao

So skip ahead 2 years, his father DOES passes away in a freak accident and his mother is left to take the title due to Barnabas' VERY young age at that point, additionally not really able to find it in her to come back to her "Maternal" senses in her nihilism that came with the realisation of how fragile things really were. Barnabas is then raised by his servants (Now grown ofc), who he's come to regard as parents in their own right, though he sorely misses his mother, and considers his engagement to his cousin Maria a type of "gift" or sign from her. Barnabas falls into obsession with religion, setting on a dream to start a family on earth and become an angel when he dies so he can answer the prayers of people all over the world <3 he's a little baby lol

Here's a little thing I doodled for this ask (The colouring is a bit off, my apologies!!), Henry and Empathy at 24 and 25, respectively. Barnabas would be around 12, where most his story takes place! And I feel so bad for doing it but seeing how much I've yapped just getting his character established i might have to REALLY summarize... (This kid is REALLY important so there are just so many threads and characters to introduce to make the story make sense and aaaaaaa!!!) So in the most basic terms, his story goes like this: Barnabas, entirely dependent on religion as means to fill up his lack of any real parental figure in his life (Henry and Empathy are LESS than suitable parents and I dunno if I'll get to that in this post, but hopefully!!), is caught in the middle of a series of sadistic murders of servants in his own estate while trying - and failing - to move on by relying on unfortunately cold and/or misled people, such as his fiancée, "friends", and caretakers. this is really long so lemme just....

So the first character who he really meets on his story is Edwin: fast forward to when Barnabas is 12, while visiting the forest on his birthday he comes across a trapped crow. He frees the crow, only to find a boy greeting him later that night who came to thank him. Barnabas is very enamoured with this boy (unknowingly), initially only psychically at first, but coming to grow a,,,, romantic? emotional??? attraction later on (I'll opt for the best description being unhealthy emotional dependence, i think lol)? Edwin has a VERY important role with Barnabas but also another character! Mentioned rn Maria: Barnabas' cousin/fiancée, NOT a friendly person!!!! NOT a friendly person, she's the main,,, antagonist? of the work? So long story short she had a more or less normal upbringing for the times, though just had completely detached herself from typical human morality as a result. She ends up making a sort of faustian pact with Edwin after stumbling across him (All according to keikaku on his end) and in line with seeing humans more as objects and ofc as previously mentioned, having detached herself from any emotional permanence, expresses interest in watching them die and seeing the fallout from it. She has Edwin do the dirty work to avoid getting any suspicion or dirt on her hands, and initially plans to kill Barnabas as a "final end" before allowing Edwin to take her soul, though through the story ends up... Not falling in love, persay, but growing a sort of emotional permanence to him that results her forcing him into a suicide pact of sorts towards the end of the story. She only ever kills 2 people.... technically?

Finally there's Samuel, who I forget exists half the time and is the NEWEST addition to the story, as the initial draft I wrote back in like 2011/2012 was in DESPERATE need for a B Plot i kid you not the original story was so fucking bad.... 😭 So I still don't have him PERFECTLY established and honestly he's a bit of a woob so I PERSONALLY don't care about him as much, but long story short he's hired as a servant in the MIDST of the murders (to everyone's surprise!!) after being plucked off the streets by Henry. He's slowly rotting away from like several STDs which,,, people aren't GREATLY aware of himself included (As was the bit of the times) but is kinda no one's favourite kid, there's rumours flying around that he's whoring himself out for his position and Empathy doesn't care for him because of how just his existence "threatens" the image of a family she had made for herself (More on that in a bit!!). And its like the kid didn't even do anything tf......... However, Barnabas, free from all the anti-Samuel slander and the such, sees this weird sickly kid staggering around and takes to him very quickly!!! This kind of sparks a certain infatuation on Samuel's end, who begins to fall in love with Barnabas off the simple fact he was one of the first people to him with human eyes. Samuel takes it upon himself to "Protect" Barnabas' purity, which comes to a point when he starts growing suspicious of Maria's role in all the murders. Unfortunately the feeling of "I need to get RID of this tramp" is returned as she figures Samuel is a prime target to frame for the murders should things ever go south. She crafts this brilliant scheme after Henry's sudden death, one death she did not have calculated, and linking it back to Samuel herself. Unfortunately, this ends in complete failure on both ends after Samuel attempts doing away with her in a blind fit of rage after Barnabas grows deathly ill and he overhears Maria confess to Barnabas her role behind the murders and form their aforementioned suicide pact. Maria manages to wrestle the knife out of his hands and stabs him multiple times, leaving him to bleed out before she seeks to inform Empathy of his suicide. Interestingly enough, Empathy does dare to state her suspicion on it, however! Maria, more than aware of Empathy's feelings towards Samuel, is just like "Well it doesn't matter bc its easier for you now isnt it lol" and so the whole thing gets passed off as a suicide. Barnabas does NOT take the news well, however, and even despite Edwin's VERY panicked efforts to keep him alive, he ends up passing away from his sudden onset "illness" later on (Illness was really a pretense, what actually happened was Empathy deciding to let him by smothering him in his sleep because at that point, his declining psychical and mental state as a result of Samuel's death was enough to "ruin" her familial perception of her, Barnabas, and Henry to the point she couldn't bear it. She justifies it to herself by simply claiming it to be a necessary mercy kill, unable to fully face up to what she did or the thought it was based in.)

The general truth behind Empathy and Henry is that Empathy was raised by the church, and through the circumstances of her birth that led her to being raised by the church, she was forbidden from having a family or any children of her own. This led to her drive to become a nanny to begin with, eventually meeting Henry through their stumbling across Barnabas together and over time, either as a result of developing a sort of crush on him or developing a crush on him because of the "Father" mold she began to ascribe to him, crafting a sort of "mold" for her hypothetical perfect family and reacting,,, poorly? to anything that didn't fit within it. She ignored how Henry grew up to become a predator and his rampant sexual abuse of several younger members of the staff, and outright despised Samuel while not outright showing it despite her "Motherly" role to the rest of the Mandalay household. This is entirely because Samuel wasn't as quiet and couldn't "Hide" the effects of his abuse as clearly as the others, thus "interfering" in the perfect family image she had constructed for Henry, Barnabas and herself.

Of course, there's a few smaller bits I left out for the sake of brevity (as you can see i am a master of it) and the fact SOME bits of the story might be better fitted for another post (There's one important bit about Barnabas and Edwin's relationship because funny enough, it fits the story of two other characters better, being Zinnia and Alaundra!) , but!!! this is in reality like 0.001% of barnabas' story, after his death he ends up having his wish granted, somewhat, and becomes not just an angel, but a part of God himself. Barnabas' ensuing regret over this and the true purpose of his existence and becoming one with God is where things really kick off. Still though, despite starting off as one of my crappiest, In the Garden of Genesis and its characters have been developed into a story that has a really special place to me, I think! I don't talk about my OC's often since,,, I don't know how to explain it, for as often as I DO think about them, it never crosses my mind to talk about them? That said! Characters like Maria I roll around in my head constantly, and Edwin and Barnabas are just too cute lol <3 I really do apologise for how long it took me to get this out, but this being the first ask about any of my OC's, I REALLY wanted to do this justice!! It's a bit messy and I hope it's not too painful or awful to read, but this ask made my whole day when I got it.... and all the months it took me to answer it since then QwQ Thank you so much!!!!!!!

P.S: Because I couldn't find a place to put it, Edwin's name is actually Edward! "Edwin" is just a nickname Barnabas gave him after learning his name from Maria and it stuck (Much to his distaste).

[hearteyespierce]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

oof this has been sitting in my inbox for AGES ella sorry!! i have so many opinions about music and i didn't have the energy to pick 5 when you first sent it lmao, i'm so sorry i forgot about it!!!

i've been on an I Only Listen To The Mountain Goats kick lately (in the literal sense, not in the podcast of the same name sense), but i will refrain from listing 5 mountain goats songs lmao, i do actually listen to a variety of stuff i promise 😅 though it will be difficult to narrow it down to only 1 TMG song if i'm being honest. edit post list creation: same w/ all the listed artists tbh. i think i got too involved/detailed on this lmao sorry.

when in comes to music, i get really connected to songs based on memories that get attached to them and am particularly invested in lyrics (vs my partner who is a musician and much more interested in bands doing things musically/technically unique/interesting) so my favs tend to be based on loving the lyrics first and the sound/what is interesting musically second.

but in no particular order:

Autoclave - The Mountain Goats (god this was a tough choice. Idk if heretic pride is my fav album of theirs but it IS very good. my fav album of theirs is, i think, impossible to choose. my friend dan made me a mixtape of TMG songs when I was 18 or 19 because he thought i'd dig them, and he was right. i've been in love with them ever since.) When I try to open up to you, I get completely lost / Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost / And I reach deep down within, but the pathways twist and turn / And there's no light anywhere, and nothing left to burn

Jealous - Camp Cope (this is from Running With The Hurricane, which is their latest album and it's gorgeous. it came out during the early days of COVID and i was living alone in LA in this miserable bachelor unit and would go on walks in the middle of the night in K-Town, where i was living at the time. i very vividly remember the first time i listened to it on one of those walks. this was also my Izzy song back in my intense ofmd days lmao. Camp Cope, my best friend Camp Cope) I'm so jealous / I'll take anything you give to me / Yeah, I'm so jealous / Oh, I'm laying at your feet / Take me, baby / You're never in the wrong / I'm so jealous / Yeah, I'm so jealous of your dog

Cactus Tree - Joni Mitchell (would have been very easy to pick literally anything from Blue but this is, i think, my fav of hers to listen to/sing along to. It's so full of longing, and Songs to a Seagull was her first album. it's so gorgeous. i've loved Joni since i was a little kid because she was my mom's favorite and i have so many good memories of listening to Court and Spark and her live album Miles of Aisles over and over and over again on the floor of the living room or in the car or on my portable cd player in the hallways at school. i used to both sing along to the songs and talk along, reciting her commentary between songs on Miles of Aisles 😅) She will love them when she sees them / They will lose her if they follow / And she only means to please them / And her heart is full and hollow / Like a cactus tree / While she's so busy being free

Easy to Love - Cayetana (i've been attached to Cayetana for years ever since I saw them open for Lemuria many years ago. even finding them through an experience w my abusive ex is not enough to dull my love for cayetana. this song makes me feel so many things and i love this whole album) And sometimes I can't articulate the words trapped in my head / The way the morning does its dizzy dance / And I can't get out of bed / I learn too late / I learn too late

Delicate, Petite & Other Things I'll never be - Against Me! (very difficult pick, Transgender Dysphoria Blues is my fav album of theirs, but I also love a lot of their earlier stuff. This song from Shape Shift With Me - and the whole album tbh - is excellent) I'm still waiting for the visions / Possession has yet to take hold of me / We all want to burn on a pyre / So tell me what kind of witch are you / The skin on your neck looks like a little thin / Don't go sticking it out for me / Like a beggar with a cold cup to fill / I am the dirt under your nails

some honorable mentions:

Easier - Nate Roy (Nate is a former coworker/friend of mine - we've drifted apart but he came out as trans when we were working together and the whole album is about his transition. i've listened to it countless times and it was part of what led to me realizing i was also trans.)

Red Wine Super Nova - Chappell Roan (idk that i need to link this one everyone knows Chappell lmao but still. I'm late to the game on Chappell Roan. i never actually listened to the album in full until this past August right after my cat died because i desperately needed something fun to listen to while i was driving bc most of my music is either sad or angry and would just encourage me to cry which is Not Safe while driving lmao. i fell in love instantly and i love this song so much)

Love Me, I'm a Liberal - Phil Ochs (i just love Phil Ochs and this song is just. funny and depressing and funny. so much of it is sadly still relevant and every time i listen to it, i think about writing an updated version of it with modern references. have genuinely asked my partner to teach me to play the guitar so i can do this. idk if anyone would even want to listen to it though lmao)

will send this ask to a few people but if anyone sees this and wants to do it, please feel free and tag me, i'd love to see your favs!

[lickmykickslove]

Wasted Time

I have wasted the last 10 years of my life, and have no idea how to cope.

10 years ago, I met the man that I thought was my forever. We were inseparable. We LOVED to be together, we loved to spend time together, and we just loved each other.

We went through life together. The good: We moved states, got our first apartment together, and adopted a cat together. The bad: we were homeless for a time, we both lost our jobs, and the cat we adopted got stolen. And even the ugly: I spent a month in a mental hospital after being at his mom's house, his relationship with his mom, my temper/anger.

I started therapy to reign in my temper/anger and learn how to better direct it. He also started therapy, he stated, with the intention of working through his past traumas. I love my therapist, I love going to therapy. I feel like it's working for me, I'm learning new things and how to better myself. He hates therapy. He hates his therapist and feels like his therapist hates him. Rinse and repeat for 2 additional therapists.

Life passes us by for 2 years. We live in his mom's attic, we don't work, we don't have any means for supporting ourselves. It makes one of us more miserable than the other (insert my mental hospital stay), and we discuss ways out.

An opportunity comes my way.

My aunt bought tickets for me and her to attend a concert in another state. She also offered me the opportunity to stay with her temporarily, while I'm looking for work in her state. She even told me to apply at the hospital she worked at and use her as a referral. I couldn't pass it up. At this point, we were still in his mom's attic, still jobless, and jobs I did apply to weren't calling me back. I was ready to try something else.

Life was renewed.

I came to the new state, alone. Went to the concert, and that same week, had a job. I was ECSTATIC to say the least. Shared the news with the partner, and he said all the right things, but he was upset that things weren't going the same way at home. I worked and worked until eventually I was able to get me a car. And then I rented my very first apartment, by myself. The plan once the apartment was secured, was for the partner and pets to make their way to the new state. I personally paid to book the travel for that to happen. 1st time he wanted to drive, i booked the rental car. He told me to cancel the rental an hour before he was supposed to pick it up. The 2nd time, he wanted to fly. I was about to buy the ticket, had it in the cart and was confirming the details, when he told me to cancel it. Both times, the reason was because he had to do something for his mom.

His mom.

She has 2 other children (my partner is the youngest) that don't speak to her. She is very manipulative and could/should be classified as a hoarder. The dynamic that her and my partner has is that she treats him like her husband. He "works" for her but never gets paid unless she decides to pay him, he has to be her emotional support, and he just has no backbone when it comes to her. He tells her no but she doesn't accept it and makes him feel bad until he just does whatever she asks. Mind you, she has a husband. Apparently, according to my partner, he's a "deadbeat husband that doesn't do anything" so that's why my partner feels the need to do it all. The hoarding is so real. She had a 4 bedroom 2 bath house. 3 bedrooms were packed floor to ceiling with stuff... So much you couldn't even get into the rooms. Her own living space was so cluttered and filled with shit. She once told me she had over 50,000 GOLF BALLS in her room, because she collected them. The attic that we lived in?? Had to make space for us amongst the shit that was already stored there. Looking back, this should have been the BIGGEST, REDDEST flags... But I loved HIM.

Four whole years later.

I have lived in the new state now for 4 years. All of those have been alone. Partner has never been able to put me before his mom (even though before I left, i got promoted to WIFE) and even TRY to come here for a better life. I haven't seen my dog in those years because partner still has him and was supposed to bring him to me. I'm still employed at the same place, working on a promotion, and working on moving into a new apartment. Life on my own hasn't been the worst; I've taken trips with friends, took a trip on my birthday, and have a few more trips planned that are coming up, but I do miss partner. I think more accurately, i miss having A partner. Because the one I have now, isn't. He has no idea what it means to be a partner and I'm tired of waiting.