#i was lucky enough to see them in december 03 and then again in november 04

[rustbeltjessie]

May 10: It was pretty faint through the clouds, but we got to see the northern lights! It was a pretty momentous occasion for our family—neither my children nor my husband had ever seen them before, and it had been about 19.5 years since the last time I saw them.

[jamiesonwolf]

You have been an absolute blessing.

Every year, I wonder how the new year will make me better, how I will learn and grow and prosper. I promised myself, way back in 2014, that I would live more and I continue to stay true to that promise.

This year saw quite a few milestones, a lot of different things published and a lot of new memories made. I am constantly looking at my life, wondering what I did to be lucky enough to be living it.

I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned what I was capable of and how to relax and let joy find me. I’m still trying to learn how to take it easy and not do quite so much, but I’m a fabulous work in progress.

January and February were spent just trying to find our footing after the busy holiday season.

March

In March, I released my fifth volume of poetry, Singing to the Sky. It is the fifth in my Elemental Poetry series and I couldn’t be happier with how it turned out. I set down to write poems only when Spirit moved me to do so.

You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/Singing-Spirit-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B07CJPG7YL/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545596160&sr=8-1&keywords=Singing+to+the+Spirit+Jamieson+Wolf

April

April was full of so many wonderful and fabulous things! Michael and I celebrated out first Wedding Anniversary! I can’t believe it’s already been a year and that we’ve been together for four years. It feels like I only met him a month ago! He fills me with so much joy. He has taught me what true love is and every day is a joy and a blessing because I get to wake up beside him and fall asleep beside him. He has shown me that magic really does exist.

My new novel from Renaissance Press was released. Life and Lemonade is the second book in the Lemonade series and I love this book so much. Blaine and friends have filled up my life and it’s a joy to let the books pages fill up with their lives. You can get your copy here: https://renaissancebookpress.com/product/life-and-lemonade/

I also did the MS Walk at the end of April. This year, I raised well over $1,000 for research that will lead to the end of Multiple Sclerosis. I am so grateful to everyone who walked with me and everyone who donated. We all walked 5KM in an hour and ten minutes. That’s awesome and a great improvement on last years time! Woohoo for us!

May

May started with the book launch for Life and Lemonade! It launched along with a few other titles and I got to wear a costume! I was dressed as Duke William Tremontaine from the Tremontaine novels. SO MUCH FUN! And, bonus, I had hair! LOL

My first erotica novel in quite a few years was released. The Color of Love: Starboy book one. It was published by Cobblestone Press and I’m so happy with it. It’s a novelette and, while it’s a quick read, it’s a wonderful story. You can get your copy here:  http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/thecoloroflove.htm

I also got a new tattoo! The Wild Unknown is my favourite Tarot deck of all that I have. There’s just something in it that sings to my soul. I decided to treat myself for m 40th Birthday and get a new tattoo. I picked my favourite card from the deck, the Strength card. It was done by Pat at Living Colour Tattoo.

June

I had new author photos taken with Susie Shapiro. I am so thrilled with her work. She was able to find the true me and help that to shine through. She captured my spirit with the photos that she took and I’m just forever thankful for them. You can find out more about Susie and her work here: https://susieshapiro.format.com/

July

This novel saw the release of my next erotic romance novel, Hallowed: The Elementals Book One. I am so thrilled with this book and have been busy planning the plot for the next four books. You can get your copy here: http://www.cobblestone-press.com/catalog/books/hallowed.htm

August

This month brought quiet a few milestones!

It was my 40th Birthday! With that came a party! I had such an awesome time celebrating with friends and family. It was a Harry Potter theme party, so I of course dressed appropriately.

Michael took me on my first cruise all the way to Alaska! First though, I got to experience the gorgeous splendour of Vancouver British Columbia. It really was spectacular

When we were in Alaska, we did so much! One memory is zip lining off of a mountain that was higher than the Empire State Building. I can’t believe everything I experienced on this trip and know that I will remember my 40th Birthday for the rest of my life.

The cruise was a dream. Seeing Alaska was incredible and they are memories I will carry with me for a long time to come.

September

As fall took hold, I wanted to add to my tattoo. It didn’t feel quite done with just the Strength card, so I wanted to add my two other favourite cards to the Strength card: The Ace of Swords and The Ace of Wands. Pat from Living Colour did these ones, too and they look like a three card reading on my arm.

We were also fortunate enough to see Elton John perform for the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Tour. He played for three hours and it was the best concert I’ve ever experienced. Such an amazing singer, writer and performer.

October

October brought a lot of joy too! My new novel, Witchcraft and Anchovies, was released! It’s a favourite of mine and I’m so happy it’s out there in the world. You can buy your copy here: https://www.amazon.ca/Witchcraft-Anchovies-Jamieson-Wolf-ebook/dp/B07JL6G5CY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545599858&sr=8-1&keywords=Witchcraft+and+Anchovies

I also took part in Can-Con again! I was on a romantic panel and what creates romantic relationships. I was honoured to be on a panel with so many other talented authors and to meet readers of my books.

November

In November, Michael and I went to Cuba! This time, we sent to Santiago de Cuba. It was breathtaking and gorgeous. It was fascinating to learn so much about its history. It felt like we were in another world.

I was also fortunate enough to have both Lust and Lemonade and Life and Lemonade entered into the Ottawa Public Library! How wonderful is that? I’m ecstatic that people can check my books out from the library.

December

And how cool is this? Life and Lemonade made it on a Best Books of 2018 list! This novel was really personal to me and so very special. I’m so glad that the response for it has been so good! You can check out the best books list here: https://caitgordon.com/2018/12/03/my-2018-list-of-you-gotta-read-them-books/

I released my annual holiday story earlier this month. I wanted to write a story about a chosen family. So I figured why not write about Blaine and friends from the Lemonade Novels? I figured I’d go back to the beginning and write a prequel. Thus, Mistletoe and Lemonade was born! You can read it for free and can download your copy here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/911759

  And that’s a wrap on 2018! I am so thankful to everyone that has made this year so wonderful and filled it with so much joy. I am so grateful for the life I have. I am also thankful for all of you who are with me on this journey.

I wish for all of your lives to be filled with joy this holiday season. Until next year! See you in 2019!

Dear 2018 You have been an absolute blessing. Every year, I wonder how the new year will make me better, how I will learn and grow and prosper.

[shrek-on-the-dance-floor]

I had a writing assignment in my sophomore year.

It’s about a clock that tells you when you die. What was I thinking? Who hurt me? Am I insane? Is this a scene or a god damn arms race?

                                               The Death Clock

I was born on January 29, 1995. I was a healthy baby, normal size, normal weight. That wasn’t on everyone’s mind, however; the Watch was.

Everyone is born with a Watch. It counts down.

To your death.

My watch at my birth showed 18:09:03:15:45.59. 18 years, 9 months, 3 days, 15 hours, 45 minutes, and 59 seconds. That’s how long I’ll live.

I’m lucky; there were babies born on that day, all around the world, that only lived for 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 30 seconds. There were babies that lived only for 1 second.

The Watches are bittersweet; on the one hand, you’ll know when you die. On the other hand, you’ll know when you die.

My name is Marcus Tolcater. I am 18 years, 9 months, 3 days, 15 hours, 15 minutes, and 10 seconds old. I only have thirty minutes left. For the past year-and-a-half, I’ve been completing my bucket list. I’ve skydived, ran a marathon, swam in the world’s largest swimming pool, and solved a Rubik’s cube multiple times. I only had a few more things left, but I ran out of time. Oh well.

Living with a Death Watch is kind of hard; every now and then you see someone sitting on a bench looking blankly, and then you see them start crying and screaming. After a few minutes, they slump over. Sometimes you see an overworked person holding a coffee and a suitcase running to work and then they just fall over. It’s kind of sad. Sure, I’ll die in my prime; I won’t experience love, having a kid, growing old with my significant other, and seeing our grandchild. Sure, I won’t die an old man. But I don’t care. At least I’m going to die before I see myself become the villain.

My mom died two years after I was born. I don’t remember it, but my dad said that those last two years were her best. We went all around the world. We went to Disneyland, L.A, the Grand Canyon. We went to Machu Picchu, Egypt, the Amazon.

When my mom died, my dad was devastated; she was his world, and now his world was gone. He spiraled down into a dark, black hole. He tried to get out, but it was too late. The alcoholism shortened the Death Watch. When he started rehab to try and get a few days back, time snuck up on him and took him away. I was 13. I’ve lived with my aunt and uncle ever since.

When I graduated from high school in May, I was finally happy that I was done with school. Now I had one more summer to do anything I wanted. Anything.

So, I just stayed home and played video games for the rest of my life.

Nah, I’m just kidding. I only did that for a month

Now it was June 15th. I only had till November 1st to do anything I wanted.  I’ll skip the small stuff and just talk about the big things I did in the last five months.

In June, I skydived again, this time without a professional. It was perfectly fine, up until the point where my parachute wouldn’t open. Luckily it opened at the last minute and I escaped with a couple bruises. I also saw three people’s Watches run out, all at the same time. Turns out, they were looking for people that would die the same day as them.

July snuck up on me quickly, and I went to the Vans Warped Tour. I got to see my favorite bands play, like Black Veil Brides, Bullet for My Valentine, and Avenged Sevenfold. It was one of the greatest days of my life. Nothing important happened after that, but something funny happened. I was at the pool with a couple of my friends, and we tried to top the best high dive. Rush did a somersault into the pool, Mike did a cannonball with extra flail, and I (accidentally) did a belly flop. It was painful.

August rolled around, and Mike’s brother ran out of time. His death reminded me that I still had some stuff to do before, well, you know by now what I’m talking about. I started to finish my bucket list. The next thing on my list was to go to Las Vegas, Nevada, for some sightseeing. I wasn’t going to gamble or anything, but I still went inside a couple of casinos to check it out.

September comes, and so does the fall semester of college. I didn’t go because I didn’t have much time left, but some of my friends went. I was part of five going-away parties, and each going-away party made me feel so alone. In Jason’s going-away party, I felt empty.

“I don’t think I’ll see you again, man,” I said. “I may not have much time left.”

“You could visit, maybe,” Jason said. “Sometime before-” He started crying.       “-before time runs out.”

“I’ll try,” I said sadly. “I’ll try.”

October, with its creepy setting, flew in to take September’s place. I was packing my car to visit Jason when I got a phone call.

“Hello?”

“Yes, is this Marcus Tolcater?” the male voice said.

“Um, yeah. Who is this?”

“Elliot Salinas, Jason’s roommate. His-his Watch stopped.”

“What?!” I was shocked. I was about to drive to his apartment. We were going to catch up.

“He died this morning. I had to call his parents, his sister, and then you. I’m really sorry man. I only moved in two weeks ago, but he was a great guy.”

I remembered Jason saying, “Sometime before time runs out.”

It wasn’t me he was talking about.

It was him.

I broke down. I started crying right there, knowing there was some random guy I’ve never heard of until now listening to me crying. The dam had finally burst. The dam I had enforced, the dam that never spilled a leak. The dam that had been built ever since Dad died. The dam I built after I saw what Death had done to my dad, who had tortured him by taking Mom away. Who had tortured him after every failed suicide attempt, after trying to drink his way to Death’s outstretched arms, and then yanking them away. Dad thought he wasn’t going to die soon enough, so he tried to go to rehab. When Dad didn’t want to die, Death took him anyway. Death, a merciless figure. Death, who I can’t wait to see so I can punch him in the jaw. Death, who I am not afraid of.

Okay, so now that this short memoir is over, here is my will:

To Mike, I give you all my games and my setup. I’m sure you’ll make good use of them. You have the skill to go professional. Do it.

To Rush, Here’s the $500 you lent me. Thanks for caring so much about your friends, and me; you were there for me when Dad died.

To John, remember the game-winning football pass in 2016? I still have the football and the footage. I know it’s not much, but I know how much you love football, so here you go.

To Caleb, you always carry a book about astrophysics, right? I set up a meeting with Neil Degrasse Tyson on December 18th. You’re welcome.

To everyone else, take anything you want; I don’t care

Anything else I own will be distributed along my family. Thank you, everyone, for making my life so meaningful.

With lots of love,

Marcus Tolcater

I get up and look at my Watch. 00:00:00:00:03.05. Three minutes and five seconds.

I slowly walk downstairs. I’ve walked up and down these stairs for five years. This is going to be my last time.

I see my aunt and uncle, along with my friends. Aunt Jane is crying softly, and Uncle Mark is holding her. Mike, Caleb, Lisa, Rush, and many others.

I sit down, Aunt Jane on my left, Mike on my right.

I look at my Watch. 00:00:00:00:02.01. Two minutes and 1 second to go.

I take a deep breath. “Thank you all, not only for being here, but for being with me all through my life.”

“Of course we would be here, Marcus. You’re our best friend,” says Lisa.

“You are a great guy, man. I’ll never forget you,” smiles Rush.

I look at my Watch. 00:00:00:00:01.00. Just a minute left. I’m starting to tear up. I’m feeling sleepy.

“My, uh, will is on my laptop,” I choke out. “I’ll miss you guys so much.”

Aunt Jane puts her hand on my arm. “We’ll always love you, Marcus. Eliza and Jonathan would be so proud of you.”

My parents. I always remembered my parents. That’s why I feel my friends will never forget me, as I never forgot my parents.

It’s not a bad way to go; painless, like sleeping.

I don’t look at my watch to know how long I have; the clock is starting to tick in my head. Fifteen seconds. Where did the time go? Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. 12 seconds.

“I love you.”

Everyone’s eyes are watery, or maybe it’s my eyes that are watery.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. 8 seconds. Tick-tock. 7 seconds.

As much as I want to stay awake to watch the movie, I close my eyes.

I hear a voice. “Don’t sleep yet, the movies almost over! Just a few more seconds!”

Mom?

“C’mon son, wake up!”

Dad?

I open my eyes, a final time.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. 4 seconds.

“It’s almost over Marcus. Then you can sleep!”

Okay, Dad.

The movie’s about some kid in striped pajamas. I’ve watched it a million times, but don’t remember the ending.

“It’s over Marcus. It’s over son. Time to sleep.”

Tick-tock, tick-tock. 2 seconds.

I can finally sleep.

Tick-tock.

Finally…

Tick…

Sleep…

[joementa]

Week of March 27, 2017.  I Fell In Love With The Band At The Rock Show.

As I write this, I’m sitting on my couch with Michael Jackson’s Off The Wall on the turntable.  This is one of my favorite non-summer Saturday night albums, and definitely my favorite MJ album.  Yes, I just said that.  Off The Wall is definitely my favorite MJ album, and it’s not even close.  And yes, I’ve heard them all.  This is one of those albums that’s just perfect for kick-starting your weekend.  Take a look at this FIVE song run that opens the album.  It’s almost hard to believe how good this is.  “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough”, “Rock With You”, “Working Day and Night”, “Get On the Floor”, and “Off The Wall”.  These songs deal with Bruce-like issues with a ‘70’s soul vibe that sounds like the good part of disco (i.e. TSOP) and not the lame cheesy part. If that opening run doesn’t put you in a good mood and ready for your weekend, I don’t know what will.  And make sure you check out “It’s The Falling In Love”.  What a song!

On Friday night, I had the pleasure of seeing The Menzingers play a sold-out hometown show in Philly. Oh my lord.  What.  A. Show.  I have not been to a rock ‘n roll show like that in a long, long time. The energy.  The sense of community.  The band totally rocked the show, and the crowd, including me, rocked just as hard.  There was lots of movement throughout the entire set, and it’s shows like this that are my reasons for exercising as intensely as I do.  Sure, I could scale back on my workouts which would mean I would have seen the show from further away.  But when you are in a pit with hundreds of people singing and dancing to some of the best new rock ‘n roll, you realize there’s no other way to enjoy it than being in that pit.  

This show was a real treat, and if you haven’t seen The Menzingers on tour yet, or heard their fantastic new album After The Party, I cannot recommend it enough.  Run, don’t walk, to your local record store right now and buy the album.  Stop reading this, and immediately go to their website and buy tickets to their show.  You won’t regret it.  The band has such a great time on stage.  And the crowd does too.  As I told everyone I would, I went absolutely nuts during “Lookers”.  

This was a special show for me.  It felt like the old TGA days for me.  There were so many of my friends at the show.  It really hasn’t been like that since TGA went on their break.  It was fun to watch my friends in the pit, rocking as hard as possible.  This is one of the things I like most about music.  I love seeing everyone else so happy.

It’s crazy to think that I nearly missed this show.  Let me explain.  In 2012, TGA was touring their great album Handwritten, and I went to a ton of shows on that tour.  The Menzingers were opening at the Philly show on November 27. At that time, I had never heard of them before.  A few of my friends told me that I needed to make sure I saw The Menzingers, so I did. And nothing happened.  I didn’t get it at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think they were terrible.  Not by any means.  They just didn’t do anything for me.

Flash forward about seven months, and I was talking to a great friend of mine about music.  We both love TGA, so were talking about them, and then started talking about other bands.  He mentioned The Menzingers, and I told him that I had had trouble getting into them.  He stopped me dead in my tracks and insisted that I buy their third album On The Impossible Past.  I did so.  And I LOVED it.  It hit me so hard, and I was instantly in love with the band’s music.  I’ve followed them ever since.  After the show on Friday, as I was literally out of breath from singing and dancing and fist pumping so hard, and counting down the minutes until I got back to my hotel so I could change out of my sweat-drenched clothes, I felt so lucky that my friend and I had had our conversation almost four years ago.  Imagine if we weren’t talking about TGA on that day.  We may have never discussed The Menzingers, and if that had happened, I might have continued to write them off.  I might have followed their new music.  And worst of all, I could have decided not to go to this show.  That would have been a terrible decision!  I’m glad the opposite happened, and I’m glad I have great friends who are not afraid to be persistent about telling me about truly great music.

The next day after The Menzingers show, we had a few hours to kill in Philly.  Hm.  A few free hours in Center City.  I think I know how to fill those hours….RECORD SHOPPING!  We ended up at Long In The Tooth, one of my favorite stores in Philly. They have a great selection of new vinyl and you can find some real used gems if you spend the time digging. Luckily, we had the time to do some digging and as a result, I found some really great gems, a few of which were on my want-list.

Dave Hause – “Time Will Tell” 7-inch This comes with two non-album songs, including a cover of the Souls’ “Ghosts On the Boardwalk”. Not a bad deal for under $4.

Blood Orange – “Dinner” b/w “Bad Girls” 7-inch I didn’t even know this existed.  I LOVE Blood Orange, and neither of these songs are on any Blood Orange albums.

Miles Davis – Tutu What an album!  This is a great late-night Saturday night album. I was doing some research on this album and I read that this was originally planned to be a collaboration with Prince.  Can you imagine an album with Miles Davis AND Prince?!

Angel Olsen – Burn Your Fire For No Witness

And now the fun begins. Long In The Tooth had a TON of Prince vinyl.  Unless I already had it, or there were visible scratches on the used vinyl, I bought all of it.

Prince - Batman My Dad got me into Prince, and he loves this album.  We listened to this on CD all the time when I was a kid.  Check out “Trust”.

Prince And The Revolution - “Anotherloverholenyohead” b/w “Girls & Boys” 12-inch

Prince - “Letitgo” 12-inch

Prince And The Revolution - “Let’s Go Crazy” b/w “Erotic City (‘Make Love Not War Erotic City Come Alive’)” 12-inch

Here is a list of some of the music I’ve been listening to the past week.  Format: musician – album title, or musician – “song title” (album title).

Bob Dylan – Triplicate

Ryan Adams – Prisoner

Kendrick Lamar – “The Heart Part 4”

Craig Finn – We All Want the Same Things

Laura Marling – Semper Femina

Dave Hause – Bury Me In Philly

Conor Oberst – Salutations

Crystal Fairy – Crystal Fairy

The Shins - Heartworms

The Menzingers – After The Party

The Menzingers – “Lookers” (After The Party)

The Pretenders – Learning to Crawl

Counting Crows – “A Long December” (Recovering The Satellites)

Camp Cope – Camp Cope

The Cure – Three Imaginary Boys

John Mayer Trio – Try!

Wilco – Summerteeth

The Cure – The Head On the Door

Miles Davis – On The Corner

Miles Davis – Tutu

Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop – Love Letter For Fire

Bob Dylan – Fallen Angels

Bob Dylan – Shadows In the Night

Wilco – A.M.

Ryan Adams – “Do You Laugh When You Lie?” b/w “By the Way” and “I’m In Love With You”

Ryan Adams – “Blue Light” b/w “On My Life” and “I Lost My Fucking Mind”

Michael Jackson – Off The Wall

Prince – Batman

Blood Orange – Cupid Deluxe

Lissie – Back To Forever

Nina Simone – Let It All Out

Hootie & The Blowfish – Cracked Rear View

Music is not only fun to listen to.  It’s also fun to read about!  Hear are a few articles that I’ve read recently, which I think are worth your time.

-          JM (John Mayer) has a new album coming out on April 14, called The Search For Everything.  The NYT did a feature article on him on March 26.  The link to that article is below. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/23/arts/music/john-mayer-search-for-everything-interview.html?ref=todayspaper

-          (F)JM (Father John Misty) has a new album coming out the week before JM’s new album.  It’s called Pure Comedy and I can’t wait to listen to it.  The NYT did a feature article on this (F)JM, and the link to that article is below.   https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/14/arts/music/father-john-misty-pure-comedy-interview.html?ref=todayspaper

-          Dave Hause’s new album Bury Me In Philly is one of my favorites so far from this year.  I discovered his music in 2012 when I saw him touring in support of his debut solo album Resolutions.  He recently did an interview with Xtra Mile Recordings about that album.  You can (and should) read that interview by clicking the link below. http://www.1.xtramilerecordings.com/dave-hause-on-resolutions/

-          Last week I mentioned Dylan’s Q&A with Bill Flanagan.  I think it’s so good, and hilarious, that I will mention it again. Carve some time into your schedule to read this.   http://www.bobdylan.com/news/qa-with-bill-flanagan/

-          Jack White is one of those musicians that you just have to love if you’re a music fan. I wish all musicians had his passion and love for music.  The New Yorker did a feature article on him recently, appearing in the March 13, 2017 issue.  The link to the article is below. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/03/13/jack-whites-infinite-imagination

-          New Miserable Experience by the Gin Blossoms was recently reissued on vinyl.  It is a great summer album (check out the song “29”), filled with catchy choruses and ‘90s guitar riffs (never a bad thing).  A lot of people know some of the Gin Blossoms hits, but not many people know about how they were close to never being popular at all, and yet at the same time had the potential to be one of the world’s biggest bands.  This story explains some of that. http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/gin-blossoms-new-miserable-experience-at-25-w473690?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=032917_12

-          The New York Times Style Magazine recently included a feature article on Tom Waits, Kendrick Lamar, and Beck, discussing their creative process and the urgency and emergency they feel when creating.  That’s quite the group of talented and creative musicians right there. A feature article of each of them discussing their inspirations and creative process is bound to be worth reading. I’ve read it, and it is.  Take some time to read it.  Here is the link. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/01/t-magazine/beck-tom-waits-kendrick-lamar.html?_r=0

Now I am listening to Dylan’s great new album Triplicate on the turntable.  This is an album that was meant to be listened to on vinyl.  And it’s a great Sunday album.  So after you listen to MJ’s Off The Wall on a Saturday night, you can listen to Dylan’s Triplicate on a Sunday.  You can always find the connection in music!