#i was literally job searching and looking for ways to make myself useful

[caffedrine]

April Fools 2025 Short Story - Ricci Corporation

I pretty much have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t trust me, and you shouldn’t either. This translation is not guaranteed to be accurate, it’s mostly written for myself to follow along with the story.

This spring, I’m changing jobs.

I went for a job interview at a stunning skyscraper that embodied wealth and luxury—it was as if money flowed like water there.

Rio

“Emma.”

Emma

“No way, Rio!? I can’t believe I’m seeing you here… Wait, are you working here now?”

Rio

“Yeah. I heard you were interviewing at this company.”

Rio

“I couldn’t just sit around, so I transferred jobs myself.”

Emma

“For that reason!?”

Rio

“I’ve always dreamed of it. A forbidden office romance with my friend—and future bride—Emma.”

Emma

“That’s not happening, okay?”

Rio

“Ah, I love that cool side of you too!”

Rio

“Don’t worry, Emma. I’ll protect you from the flashy guys.”

Emma

“Flashy guys?”

Rio

“Our CEO—he’s always jingling and jangling with jewelry and being loud. Everyone calls him ‘Jingles’—”

Silvio

“The only one calling me that is you, you damn mutt.”

Rio

“Ouch, ouch, ouch—! Don’t grab my head like that! What if it cracks!?”

Silvio

“Hah. Maybe cracking your skull and sending you to the hospital wouldn’t be such a bad idea?”

(This is the CEO…? I can literally hear bones creaking—is Rio going to be okay?)

Keith

“Quite the lively day today… Wait, is that Emma?”

Emma

“Mr. Keith!? I didn’t expect to see you here too—not just Rio, but you as well.”

Rio

“Wait, you two know each other?”

Emma

“Yeah, I dropped something in town the other day.”

Emma

“While I was searching for it, Mr. Keith came up and helped me.”

(Jade… isn’t that the famous, long-established pharmaceutical company everyone’s heard of? Amazing.)

(…No, more importantly—)

Emma

“Even Mr. Azel is here?”

Rio

“You know him too!?”

Emma

“Yeah, there was a free fortune-telling event at the mall recently.”

Emma

“I was thinking about changing jobs, and when I happened to make eye contact with Mr. Azel, he offered to read my fortune…”

Azel

“That’s when I saw signs of a turning point and recommended joining Ricci Corporation.”

Rio

“Why this company of all places?”

Azel

“Why? That’s a strange question.”

Azel

“This company has a brilliant CEO, generous benefits, and is one of the world’s top-tier white companies…”

Azel

“It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say this company dominates all logistics and rules the world. Why wouldn’t I recommend it?”

Rio

“…CEO, this was your doing, wasn’t it? You used Emma to lure me into working harder, didn’t you?”

Silvio

“Hah. Sure, as an influencer, you’re useful in lots of ways—but don’t get full of yourself.”

Silvio

“Our freelance consultant has a sharp eye for talent.”

Azel

“Your compliment honors me. I’ll be using your employee referral program, so…”

Azel

“I look forward to receiving the referral fee. Thank you very much.”

Silvio

“That depends on this girl.”

(…Crap. I was so caught off guard by how many people I know here.)

Silvio

“Hey, girl. What can you do for us?”

(It’s here—my chance to highlight my strengths…!)

Emma

“I love talking to people like this.”

Emma

“Meeting many people, connecting, and expanding networks is something I excel at—”

Emma

“With those relationships and bonds, I promise to contribute to this company.”

Rio

“Ahhh, there’s no reason not to hire her! As expected of my Nana—she’s so talented it’s blinding!”

Silvio

“Shut up already. Get back to work.”

Azel

“I’ll give my strongest recommendation as well—since I’ve already made the invoice.”

Silvio

“You just want the referral bonus. Also, you work too damn much.”

Keith

“If things don’t work out here, how about joining my team?”

Keith

“I’m not great with people. But having you around would be a huge help.”

Silvio

“Don’t you go poaching other people’s candidates.”

Silvio

“Tch… Well, whatever. You’re hired.”

Emma

“Is that question all you needed?”

Silvio

“Yeah, that’s enough.”

Silvio

“Someone who can wrangle this pack of oddballs must be a damn skilled beast tamer, huh?”

Silvio

“I’ll work you to the bone—along with that damn dog.”

At that time, I didn’t know—

That at Ricci Corporation, I would actually awaken my true talent…

As a beast tamer.

[jmagnabo92]

Trevor and Hetty- a kept promise, please and thank you :)

Well... it's not under 500 words. LOL. Hope you like it!

***

There weren’t a lot of promises that Trevor made in his life, especially not to other people, but as he watches Pinkus leave with his – their – daughter, he thinks about the promise he made to himself about the life he hoped to find.  

A real partner, a family, a life outside of his job.  

Then, he went and died.

And maybe he’s a little jealous that Pinkus got to have all that – and he’s, well, he’s a ghost.  

Trevor sits on the bench that the ghosts like to watch that one tree limb, lost in thought of the what ifs – what if he’d taken a little less coke, what if he’d drunk a little less alcohol, what if he’d mixed a little less pills… 

What if, what if, what if…

“Trevor?” a voice from beside him asks.  

He jumps slightly.  He hadn’t noticed Hetty beside him.  Or that night had fallen.

“Uh, hi, Hetty.”

“Are you alright?”

Trevor shrugs.  “I was just thinking of broken promises.”

“Oh?”

“To myself,” he clarifies.  He never makes promises to others because he doesn’t need the guilt of a broken promise to someone else.  

“Oh?” she prompts, again. 

“I promised myself that I would find a partner, have a family, become more than just my job… and that’s literally all I am, even if the after – no partner, no family, just my job.  Ironic.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Hetty replies, and his unbelieving look prompts some additional context.  “We ghosts have had many a moment of being a family, in particular, a few years ago when we discovered what my louse of great-great-grandson and your so-called bros did to your body.  Samantha and Jay have helped us be more of a family in many ways.”

Trevor hums.  “Jay does call us his eight idiot kids.”

Hetty hums, too.  “I am fairly certain that you, yourself, have called them ‘mom and dad’, too.”

Trevor laughs.  “That’s a joke – although it’s fitting.”

Hetty smiles, too.  “Thus, perhaps, you did not get to have a child that you raised yourself, but you still have a family – us ghosts, and you have the ability to check on your family, your daughter, as well.”

Trevor nods.  “That’s true.”

“With regards to your job, something the rest of ghosts deeply do not understand – I believe Sasappis says it best ‘who wants to work when you’re dead’ –, it’s hardly the only thing about you.  There were months where no one had any idea that you held a job in ghostly state and we certainly do not go to you for your job, but because we genuinely want to discuss and ponder with you.”

“Even you?” Trevor teases. 

“Especially, me,” Hetty assures him.  “I have enjoyed our power friends alliance, and I admit that perhaps I missed out, choosing to focus on getting sucked off and not how you might feel –” 

He can’t help his laughter at Hetty’s use of sucked off, though he knows that isn’t what she meant. 

“– why are you laughing?  I am trying to be honest with you and –”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!  I don’t – I can’t explain without ruining my favorite joke,” Trevor admits.  “But as for the rest of it – are you saying… what I think you’re saying?  Would you – maybe want to try, again?”

Hetty looks like she wants to say yes but she probably thinks he’s offering because she’s suggesting it rather than because he wants it.  

So, he adds, “Because I – I wouldn’t exactly be opposed.”

Hetty searches his eyes for just a second before they both shift slightly for the kiss that they seem to be on the same page for, and said kiss is a bit softer and sweeter than their first kiss.  It’s shorter, too, but when they pull apart, they’re smiling at each other.

“Perhaps you kept your promise after all, no?” Hetty questions, smiling.

“Yeah, I think I did.  Thanks to you.”  Trevor grins.  “A promise kept, after all.”

***

If you'd like play - here's the OG Post for Ficlet Friday - HERE

[sleepyboywrites]

@biascatry

I genuinely hope you see this, it says your blog doesn't exist in the search thing so here's hoping for the best that you get notified. But not only may you ask I am happy to deliver. :)

Denial is not a river in Egypt it's spelled differently

Masky is convinced that he hates you, ever since you joined the proxies he's been in nothing but constant annoyance and misery. The more he dwells on it the more he realizes it's all your fault.

You with your stupid hair that looks so soft, and eyes and laugh and smile. You and your infuriating pout and frown and tears. It's making his own job incredibly difficult, not to mention as the one who recruited you, you came to him for everything, he regrets it, he should've killed you. But somehow, some way, the thought of you dead was worse.

What was even worse than all of that was you were avoiding him, he used to have to beg you to leave him to his work, beg you to stop following him. But now it's been two weeks and he hasn't even seen you once and now you're hanging out with Toby? Toby, of all people, that's who you preferred over him. Hoodie he gets, Hoodie, if you warm him up to you enough is surprisingly sweet, but Toby? You were his recruit not Rodgers and that mood swinging maniac should be literally anywhere else than with you. You were annoying enough without Rodgers grubby hands on you and his annoying traits rubbing off on you.

He had given you a glare so intense and menacing hoping to deter you from Toby and back to him. Unfortunately for him the opposite occurred and soon you were sent on your first solo mission meaning he couldn't even keep an eye on you anymore. The entire house felt his rage. As he made sure it was filled with the screams of several unlucky contestants of torture playthings and anyone who brought him any form of paperwork would be horribly berated.

Eventually Toby approached him. "What's your fucking deal dick?"

Anger boils in his gut until he simply swung at Toby hitting him square in and breaking his nose.

"Feel better now? Why the fuck are you tormenting the entire house? We didn't even do anything to you." Toby didn't flinch, he figured his inability to feel pain is why he was sent to deal with him.

Masky shoved Toby aggressively away from him. "Why can't you keep your grubby little hands off of things that aren't yours. He's mine, was mine, is mine, and he isn't ready for a solo mission!" Masky hissed out through his gritted teeth. "Get to the fucking paramedic station."

"All this because you're worried about y/n? Dude c'mon. He's a big boy he can handle himself and doesn't need us looking over his shoulder all the time. Plus I taught him half of what he knows and you taught him the rest, he's fine." Toby rolled his eyes at Masky's tantrum over something so small.

"You shouldn't have taught him anything, you are reckless and careless and the reason he's going to come home hurt or not at all. I can't lose him okay I--" Masky cut himself off. "Go to the paramedic center now, before I take you there myself and throw you through their door."

Toby wiped more blood from his nose and shoved Masky away from towering over him. "Fine I'll go but maybe if you got over yourself and realized how you felt instead of making him feel inadequate and a burden he wouldn't have asked me for help to begin with." Toby said firmly staring at the masked man in front of him.

"Ex-fucking-cuse me, but what exactly are you implying?" Masky exclaimed infuriated as he picks Toby up by his collar.

"Jesus H Christ... Denial is more than a river in Egypt." Toby freed himself from Masky's grasp shooing his hands away as he left Masky's office. "Work yourself out man, stop taking it out on us cause your lover boy's out of town."

You returned a week later and were immediately requested to Masky's office, where surprisingly he hugged you, clinged to you practically. "You're safe, good." He'd then usher you behind closed doors and make you sit down offering you a meal. "We need to talk." Masky slid you a big stack of papers the second you sat down. "Sign these."

"What... Are these?" You'd ask thumbing through the pages absentmindedly. A look of disdain as you look at them.

"Consent forms, nothing too important. Sign." Masky said this the same way someone would talk about spam mail or permission slips.

"Oh, Consent forms." You almost signed absentmindedly before the words registered. "Consent forms for fucking what???"

"To be my assistant, permanently, meaning we do missions together and you are an extension of my authority as right hand to slender blah blah blah promotion, sign." Masky taps the stack of papers with his index. "...please."

"But you hate me? I don't want to bother you and I--" You began rambling and attempting to hand back the papers to Masky in refusal and you saw the other man's eyebrows furrow exasperatedly under his mask.

Masky took off his mask, his head in his hands, fingers entangled in his own hair as he looks up at you pleadingly. "Shut up, I don't hate you, quite the opposite sign. Please."

"THAT'S CODE FOR HE LOVES YOU AND WAS A MAJOR DICK WHEN YOU WENT SOLO CAUSE HE WAS WORRIED SO SIGN THE PAPERS" Toby's words were muffled from right outside the door but that didn't stop you from hearing and flushing red in a weird combination of confusion and awe.

"Shut it and scram Rodgers! These are private matters!" Masky hollers, sighing as he heard several scrambling footsteps before muttering lowly, "He wasn't wrong. I love you, I worry about you, so please. Please sign the paperwork."

[11queensupreme11]

I promised myself to wait a little more before reading but I couldn't focus when I just knew this was big.

So yeah, I end reading porn while my lecture... no regrets.

Me, reading chapter 31: Percy, your daddy issues are SHOWING my girl.

Can't blame you tho, your dad's hot. He's not a DILF, he's THE DILF, He deserves every capital letter.

Love that crazy blonde, have a special place in my heart.

Grover just got himself a VIP ticket to HELL, my boy, you just got yourself a target in your back and, all satyrs in both worlds are going to suffer for that decision even with Percy's help.

Poseidon promised to do nothing, but the rest of the family didn't

Love it, cause at least they know SOMETHING is happening now, kinda of. Well, now they KNOW she's alive and that's something...

Could be worse, wondering if Grover noticed her dress and what he's going to see about it. She has become a wife/prisoner? she did run away? Percy is using really expensive jewellery like mere rocks and can say something (a god? a god from a different pantheon?)

Anyways, she's now one bad fall from diving into the incest sin and I'm pushing her, after the first wet bed... well, we know they aren't known for their patience.

I'm rotting for Sun Wukong, just imagine what that tail can do 😏😏😏 (for once, I'm not being horny, but imagine him using that tail to push her close and hugging her. I'm a bitch for cuddles, make me blush like no porn has done before).

(Odin, the other way, is a DILF I totally respect ❤️👄❤️)

Chapter 32

Well, I did see this scenery come... but Zeus accusing Hera of being unfaithful? wishing it to be real, maybe with Ganymede, just to add more burn.

Totally deserves it, but you know, isn't happening.

(Sometimes, for a little bit, I feel sad for her. Her husband is The Bitch, has an almost impossible mission and no one is helping her... well, then I remember how she treated her husband's lover, literally kids, how she's just searching for Percy cause she needs her and then I'm fine, totally deserved)

(Now I'm rooting for the RoR gods, not because they're better, just cause at least they're honest about their feelings about humanity and, don't treat their children like guns with discount in Walmart)

Poseidon taking advantages from all his chances to discover new kinks with Percy (*screams, giggles, hides her face*). You're spoiling us, brat taming is my favorite kind of dom/sub smut, so this was gooooooooood for me

Poseidon just making her cry and then making her kiss him? Percy, you're living a wattpad history and is niceeeeee

Percy/Poseidon and Percy/Beelzebub fans, we're winning tonight!!!!

Beelzebub: A life with Percy or no life at all Me: Whatever you say king, I love your crazyness, don't change

He really is ready to save her, no matter if it means she's leaving him... a maturing king, love it.

Okay, we know he'd never send her to another's man arms (Sorry, I always forget his name), but he's TRYING and that's all I ask from him. He's closer than the others...

(Feeling like that TikTok "what if he's the devil? at least the devil has a job")

(What if he's throwing away her chances to go back home, at least he takes her to Midgard dates 🙄🙄🙄🙄)

Yes, I looking throught the BIGGEST red glass, not seeing red flags, just hearts around Beelcy.

Me:

Poseidon for the horny side and Beelcebub for the romantic side ❤️❤️

You know what would be amazing? Nico having to see all of this.

Imagine, the drama.

We know you love the drama queen, don't try to fool me, I know you survive from our tears and horny desires.

(Queen... just wondering... is this a harem history (Percy ends with all the yanderes) or just one of them? cause for now in my mind they have a horary where they share Percy like a divorce child)

Amazing like always ❤️❤️❤️❤️

YOU READ INCEST PORN AND CANNIBALISM DURING YOUR CLASS LECTURE??? 💀💀💀 i could never, i don't have the guts even when my phone has the privacy screen protector thing 😂

also, "all satyrs in both worlds are going to suffer for that decision even with Percy's help." yeah the satyrs in ror verse are still in deep shit even tho percy tried to help them, cuz even though it was only the GREEK council who saw it, this whole thing made BIG NEWS

can you imagine shiva, parvati, kali, and durga's reaction to hearing that percy was "violated" by an unknown satyr IN HER DREAMS?

or loki's reaction? or literally any god that knows about her and likes her???? or just gods in general (especially the protector of children gods) 💀💀💀 like, satyrs already have a terrible reputation, but to target a "one year old" daughter of poseidon IN HER DREAMS (which is unheard of for satyrs to be capable of, which makes it even more terrifying)???? they're FUCKED 💀💀💀

pan and dionysus are gonna have to put them into hiding or something lmao

there's more posy coming in in the futre, and as for beelzebub, he's just digging a deeper and deeper grave for himself lmao. he is singlehandedly ruining his own ship 😭😭😭 but at least he still has beelcy shippers on his side 💀

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale Chapter 12

ISAT Spoilers below and Two-Hats! CW: Dysphoria

"How about this one? OH! Or this one?! No wait! This one is gorgeous!" [You practically squeal at all the lovely outfits on display in the tailor shop you found in the next town over. You were in the presence of a true master of their craft, and in awe at all of their work.]

"Vale, sweetie, you've been going back and forth for an hour and haven't even tried anything on... I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to recommend that we move it along, please." [You pout in response, it was rather clear she didn't appreciate true fashion like you, but she was right that your indecision was getting to be a bit much.]

"Fine, fine, you're right... It's just such a big decision! I haven't gotten to pick an outfit for myself in a long while..." [Your voice trails off, looking down over your star infused form. You place a hand to the star on your chest, very warm to the touch as always...]

"Vale?... You good?"

"Hmm? Oh yes, just uhh... lost in thought... I think I know what I want now~." [You say, returning to a rack you spent a while glancing through. You pull out an outfit with a lovely dark vest with coat tails, a loose shirt with puffy frills at the ends of the sleeves, a lovely pair of dress pants, and a cravat to go with it all. You also find a pair of half lightless half darkless gloves and heeled dress shoes to go with it all.]

[Several minutes later you finally emerge, all gussied up and gorgeous, flaunting about the room to show it off. Nille just laughs at your display before clapping some.]

"Okay, okay, I gotta admit you look crabbin' fantastic. There goes our whole rainy day fund with it though."

"Oh don't you worry yourself about that, we can always pick up more odd jobs here and there. Besides Vaugarde is known for it's hospitality~!" [You assure her, to which she rolls her eyes a bit but shrugs.]

"Alright alright, you've sold me. Besides wearin' that is probably the first time I've seen you REALLY smile since we met." [... You don't respond to that one, just looking away and going back to the mirror, admiring your new outfit. You glance up, looking into your own eyes to see that genuine softness Nille was talking about... Huh... Maybe we could make a life for ourselves... If not for this damned star head...]

"Heh... I guess you're right... It's so nice to be able to express myself again~."

"Glad to hear it, Vale. You ready to head out? We still gotta find Bonnie, remember?"

"Right, right, of course~! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten~!" [You reassure them, paying for your new threads and gathering all of your belongings to head out once more.]

[You stand at the edge of town... pausing for a moment. You close your eyes and take in a long, deep breath. You focus on your connection with Stardust, getting the vaguest sense of them in the direction of the right path...]

"Vale? Which way are we heading?" [You stare down the right path... your heart races... There's no harm is us taking a bit longer, right? Who knows how long we'd be searching for them either way... we can keep this going for a bit longer... we don't have to say goodbye...]

"Left, I... I don't like the aura the right path gives off~." [You wave your hand dismissively at the path, heading down the opposite way. Nille just rolls her eyes at your little display before following along.]

---------------------------------------------------

[Nille sleeps soundly in her sleeping bag while you camped out that night. You couldn't sleep... maybe it's the guilt of thinking you deserve happiness... You head over to the lake near where you had setup camp. You look down into it to see yourself... your beautiful outfit from neck to toe... and your blinding face, quite literally, staring right back at you...]

[You suddenly snap out of it, getting the ringing sensation in your hand that happens whenever Stardust calls you... Stars, why now... Against your better judgement, you bring your hand up to your head and silently listen...]

("Loop?… Can you talk to me?… Please?… I just want to know you're okay…") [Your other arm drapes around yourself, just holding yourself close as you feel shame even hearing their voice again...]

("Do you remember that time... I forgot Mirabelle's name?… I was so freaked out, all I could think to do was call you for help… Without a second thought, you helped me… you helped me remember everyone's names, their nicknames even, and why I started using them… You brought me back from the edge, and it helped keep me going… I don't think I ever thanked you for that… So thank you, Loop… Thank you for keeping me going when I thought I couldn't anymore…")

"... Stardust..." [Your hand slaps over your mouth as the words simply escape without your approval, panicking and feeling tears flowing down your face.]

("Loop?! Loop where are you?! Are you alri-") [You quickly pull your hand away and shake the gesture off, ending the connection immediately. You fall to your knees, holding yourself as tears keep pouring from your eye...]

"Stars... Stars why do I still care?! Why can't I just blinding leave you behind?!" [You shout to the lake, sobbing heavily.]

"... Vale?... Wh... What's wrong?" [Nille sits up sleepily, rubbing at her eyes. You shudder, quickly trying to compose yourself, wiping your tears again and taking a couple deep breaths.]

"O-Oh, s-sorry for waking you... just a nightmare, no need to worry about me~!" [Nille just gives you a look, clearly not buying it. She unzips her sleeping bag, getting up and walking over to you.]

"Do yah need a hug, hun?..." [She asks, offering a single arm as to not overwhelm you.]

"O-Oh, n-no thank you, I-I'm not much about... t-touch..." [You stammer out, rubbing your elbow some, wincing as you still feel tears slowly dripping from your right eye.]

"You're either getting a hug, or we're gonna talk about it, your choice, pretty they." [She teases with a smirk, holding up the other arm invitingly now. You hesitate still, taking one last deep breath and nodding.]

[You close your eyes tightly, bracing as if you were about to take a hit from a sadness, flinching heavily as you felt her arms slowly wrap around you... It almost stings at first, such an... unfamiliar sensation... but after a moment it's nice... her warm body pressed tightly to yours, like a weighted, heated blanket... Your arms very slowly wrap around them, placing your starry head on their shoulder, letting the tears pour from your eyes again.]

"There, that feel better?" [She asks, about to break the hug, but you find yourself holding her tight still... You don't know how long you stay like this, but you can tell it's far too long...]

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Entanglement (2/2)

PAIRING: Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x Medic F!Reader 

WARNINGS: allusions to smut || MDNI

A/N: I promised a sober part 2 for the 141 challenge by @glitterypirateduck || but it's very late because I am physically unable to get my shit together || but I made it softer and sweeter than the first part to make up for it :')

Prompts used: Secluded beach, pursuit (used literally as in one person chasing another), “I need a ride”, “Here, I’ll show you”

Part 1 || Part 2 || 

____

He ships out for a tour that keeps extending for some stupid reason or another and you don’t see him for three months.    

You tell yourself that your position as one of the medical personnel on base means that you must be present at the landing pad when the 141 arrive, you must check that they’re all okay and that no one’s injured and that you must search desperately, panic clear on your face, neck craning this way and that until you see him.  Until Johnny’s face comes into view, laughing at something, because of course he is, and then you can start to convince yourself that your finally being able to breathe normally is attributable to none of the boys being injured.  

Except…except when Johnny sees you, his brows shoot up to his hairline, and the smile on his face is beautiful, with just the slightest amount of smug.  Such a horrible, annoying, perfect man.    

He jogs to cover the last few feet between you, and stands in front of you, eyes just drinking you in—smiling, but pointedly not saying a word.  

“I just wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt.  Or anyone else,” you inform him quickly, eyes widening at your slip-up.  “It’s um…it’s why I’m here.”

“‘Course, luv.  No other reason, aye?”  His eyes sparkle in the afternoon sun, and glove-covered fingers lightly brush your cheek.  I can’t believe you’re here, his eyes tell you.

“Of course not!  Just wanted to make sure that no one needed emergency care,” you whisper, leaning into his touch.  Where else would I be?

“Thought about tha’ date yet, lass?” he says, and his attention is briefly drawn to Price rallying everyone to his office for the post-op debrief.

“Johnny,” you whisper, and his head whips around to look at you.  “I…I—”  You close your mouth quickly, too embarrassed to say anything when he stands there in front of you, looking like…well.  That.  

His brows are furrowed and concern floods the bright blue of his eyes.  “Wha’ is it?  I was only takin’ the piss, luv, dinna fash, it’s alrate if ye—,” 

“I have the next three weeks off.  I’m going to Scotland.  Edinburgh.”

“Edinburgh,” he repeats, his eyes wide and shocked.  And then his expression changes.  It’s subtle at first, but the smile that breaks over his face makes you feel like you’re looking straight at a sunrise, and you almost want to squint at its brilliance.  “Coincidence, lass.  I’m on leave m’self.  Might find myself in Edinburgh too, y’know?”

***

Johnny does finds himself in Edinburgh.  

And he finds himself equal parts impressed and happy and captivated when he learns of the hoops you had to jump through to arrange annual leave at the same time as him.  “So ye lied, eh?”

“I—no!  I didn’t lie!  I just withheld information, that’s all.”  You pause and turn to him, gingerly reaching out to hold one of his hands in both of yours and looking down at your intertwined fingers.  “I really wanted to be here with you.”

Lazulite.  

When you look up into his eyes, you’re met with pure, warm, melted lazulite.  His eyes hold you captive and you find that you want to drown in them, a prisoner by choice.  

When he doesn’t look away and you feel warmed by his gaze, you turn to look at the horizon, taking a couple of steps away from him and towards the water.  

It’s cold, so very unbearably cold, the freezing water and the frigid breeze it incites doing their jobs of keeping people out of the outdoors.  You’re alone with him on the beach, the tiny shops in the beach-town in the distance calling your names with the promise of warm food and an ale for your troubles.  But, the time for that will come…just, not yet.  

You turn back to Johnny and find that he’s moved closer to you, standing at the edge of the water with you.  “Ah’m glad ye changed yer mind,” he says.  “Ah’ve been…looking forward to this.”

“Oh yeah?” you challenge, grinning.  “What specifically have you been looking forward to?”

He shrugs nonchalantly.  “Pussy from the 141’s medic, obviously.”

Your gasp is dramatic and your eyes bulge at his words, too shocked to respond with anything but a bewildered  “What?  What?!”

But when Johnny doesn’t respond to you, doubled over in laughter, wheezing at your expression, you know exactly how to get him back.  You’ve barely even considered the consequences in your mind before you bend down and use both hands to splash him with the Arctic-temperature water, and he splutters, looking back up at you in shock.

You’re both frozen for a moment, before his expression narrows—“Oh, yer’ in a world of trouble now, lass,” he growls—and you make a run for it.    

The only sounds on the beach are the gentle sounds of the water on the shore, your shrieking laughter on the beach and Johnny’s occasional taunts as he chases after you.  You know he only lets you run away from him because it’s fun—the chase, the sound of your laughter, the adrenaline warming you both despite the cold winter air.    The man was a beast in the gym and on the track, could’ve caught you in a second if he wanted to, but this is fun.

Everything about being with him is fun. 

When he finally catches you, his large arms go around you and he lifts you, chuckling in your ear while he spins you around.  Your heart is full at that moment, so completely overflowing with your infatuation for him, so completely joyous at his cheesy actions that make you feel like you’re in one of your guilty-pleasure movies.  Being on a date with him is exactly like what you’d imagined—he’s effortlessly charming, naturally funny, attentive to you, and most importantly, he’s enjoying himself too.

You can’t believe you’d been saying no to this for months, denying yourself the pleasure of being with him for months.   The thought boggles your mind a bit and you forget all your reasons for doing it in the first place. 

So overwhelmed are you by your inner turmoil that when he finally sets you down, you turn around to face him, promptly put your palms on his cheek and kiss him full on the mouth.  He’s shocked, frozen for a second but seems to snap out of it, and kisses you back.  One arm goes around your waist to pull him flush to you, the other winds around you to rest on the nape of your neck.  There’s no escape from the intensity of his kiss, even if you wanted it.    

And you don’t want to leave his embrace anytime soon.  

His body shields you from the bitter cold, pulling you into his warmth until you’re left feeling like your bodies have been fused together.  Johnny is just as playful while he’s kissing you as he is at any other time.  He’s all enthusiasm and exploration, sharp little nips on your bottom lip, soothed by gentle licks.  When you hungrily open your mouth for him, you’re rewarded by the taste of what you will come to learn is just Johnny.  

He grips you even tighter, not even enough space for air to pass in between you, gets carried away by the way you sigh and moan into his mouth, and when he grinds into you, you freeze because you can feel him.  Hard, against your thigh.

Johnny whines when you stop kissing him back, your lips motionless against his, but releases you in a second when he realises that you’ve frozen against him.  “Bonnie, y’okay?”

“Erm, yeah, I—” you cut yourself off, because your cheeks are starting to warm and you don’t know where to look right now.  Definitely not at him, but you also cannot look down because what if your eyes wander to his crotch, and you cannot and must not be caught looking at his crotch and—

“Hey…y’alright?  What’s wrong, luv?”

Hm, how do you diplomatically and politely tell him that grinding against his hard cock had jarred you for a second and made you flood your panties with your arousal the next?  “N-no nothing’s wrong, I uh.  I was wondering…” you say softly, looking up at him from underneath your lashes.   “Do you want to go back to the hotel?  If it’s alright, I need a ride.”

His pupils contract to pinpricks. “Ah’ll give you a ride, bonnie.”       

***

Of all the things you thought would happen between the two of you in your hotel room after the first time you fucked, this wasn’t it.

“Ye wanted to know what I was looking forward to?  Here, I’ll show you.”

He proceeds to demand that you stay in bed while he sneaks into the bathroom and shuts the door quietly behind him.  Ten minutes later, the man emerges, victorious, with pink cheeks and looking mighty proud of himself.  He leads you by the hand into the bathroom, and helps you take off the fluffy, indulgent bathrobe he’d put on you.

The bath’s running, steam swirls around the room, warming it pleasantly, and Johnny’s managed to find a candle, somehow.  

“Get in, lass, come on.”

“Only if you come in with me,” you say, smiling.

If you were any kind of artist, you know your masterpiece would be your recreation of Johnny’s face in that moment—blushing, eyes downcast shyly, the perfect contradiction to the man who’d brought you to ruin only a few minutes ago.

You both take turns sinking into the warmth of the water, and when you’re finally settled, your back to his chest, your head leaning on his shoulder, you sigh deeply.  He brings your hand up to his mouth and gives your knuckles a kiss.  In quiet, hushed words you both decide on a strategy for keeping this thing you’ve just discovered private, just for the two of you at the moment.   

“And so when you say we’re not telling anyone, that also means you’re not going to tell Gaz?” you ask, sceptically.  

 “Naw, bonnie, we agreed.  I didnae ken what ye mean.”

“...yeah, okay, Johnny.  How about…three dates?  Three successful dates, and then you can tell your boyfriend about me.”

You hear him sputter behind you and it makes you chuckle.  “We’re gonna ‘ave more than three dates in the next few weeks, bonnie.”

“Oh?”  You turn around slowly, mindful of the water splashing out the sides of the bathtub and shift so you’re straddling him.  His eyes widen slightly at the sight of your wet body against his, and his hands grip the flesh on your hips immediately.  “Is that so?  What makes you so confident you’re going to get a second date?”

“I’m no’ a betting man,” he says, conspiratorially.  “But if ah were…the way you sucked my cock, bonnie?”  He leans back with a contented sigh and a look of overconfidence on his face.  “I’d say ah’m gonna get a second date.”

“Hmm,” you say noncommittally, and he leans forward to kiss you.

“And a third,” he says, smiling against your mouth.  “And a fourth.”   

“Maybe you’re right,” you concede.  “You’ll have to work hard for a fifth, though, Johnny.”

And when Johnny’s fingers touch you between your thighs at the words, his expression even and not betraying his intentions whatsoever, you’re convinced he’s going to work hard and get that fifth date.

[andhumanslovedstories]

any advice for nursing students/new nurses?

When you buy a stethoscope, get it engraved with your name, I literally cannot tell you how much that has saved my ass. All stethoscopes look the exact same, even if you think you got a unique looking one, and they're super easy to lose, and they're a hundred plus bucks. engraved!!

There's literally so many acronyms, and everyone assumes the acronyms they know are universal, and no one is correct. Get comfortable with the phrase "remind me what [x] stands for" when someone rattles off a string of letters you don't recognize. (sometimes the person talking to you doesn't know either! whoops!!)

Ask questions all the time actually. This is the ideal time to do so and everyone will be scared if you don't.

For straight cathing patients, you can usually get a lidocaine gel that numbs the urethra, which helps with discomfort. Also for straight cathing patients, if they have a vagina, make sure you visualize the urethra before you start the whole process. You don't want to have to find it later when you're sterile and can't touch anything.

If you've never used a bed pan, it is surprisingly much harder than you would expect. familiarize yourself with them before you have to place one for the first time.

At the end of every shift, find one thing you can point at that you did and were proud of. You can be proud of helping a patient get up and walk. You can be proud that your patient's pain never got above a 4. You can be proud that you helped out another nurse's patients while they were dealing with an admit. You can be proud that you didn't get visibly mad at a patient who was screaming at you. You can be proud that you got to the end of the shift and everyone is alive. You can be proud that you realized you were in over your head and called for help. Find something each shift to be proud of, and the corollary to that is behave in ways that make it easier to be proud of yourself when you look back at the way you spent your shift

get good shoes.

prioritize sleep.

meal prep

pick a few things about yourself that are harmless, not at all intimate small talk. I also have a few fun facts about myself that I love to talk about but don't overstep any boundaries (stuff like that I'm from Virginia, that I'm part of float pool so I can tell you how this room compares to others in the hospital, I have dyed hair and people love talking about that). Draw boundaries to be personable but not inappropriate. Genuinely, practice small talk. You have small talk when things are going fine so you can have Big Talk when someone's breaking down crying or starts screaming in the hallway or wants to leave against medical advice or is furious that their visitors are gonna get searched on the way in. Build rapport before you need rapport.

Sort of similar to the last one, I try to care very deeply about my patients on shift and then forget about them when I go home. I debrief with my mom or Cyrus or my journal, and then I take a shower. The shower is my mental reset time. I tuck my nursona away and emerge as just some dipshit in a towel. Find whatever ritual helps you end your shift.

there are many ways to be a good nurse. sometimes you need a hardass. sometimes you need a cheerleader. sometimes you need a goofball. sometimes you need someone who doesn't chit chat but will always get your teeth brushed, your hands washed, and your hair braided before breakfast can even get to the floor, no matter how shortstaffed the floor is. sometimes you need someone who will talk to you at three in the morning about what the dying process is like. it is impossible to be all things to all patients. as a new nurse, you start by focusing on basic minimal competency, but pay attention to what parts of the job energize you, what parts come easy to you, and lean into those. get competent at the things you are bad at, get passionate about the things you are good at, and you'll have a better chance of building a nursing practice that you can keep up with the shit times start.

the shit times can start anytime but oooh boy do they tend to arrive at your six month mark.

[maybeimavillain-byleif]

I said I didn't want spoilers from the episode but of course I couldn't stay still and spoiled myself the scene with Jason👍🏻

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EPISODE⚠️

Okay so yes, I couldn't contain myself and looked at the scene😂 but I've only seen it from the moment we go to Goldreamz to sign the papers for Tasha until, of course, the end so now I want to say something about it. I liked the scene very much, Jason was really himself, it was as if he lowered his wall for a moment with us. Since the moment we were sitting on a chair in his office to the boat scene, he opened up to us and told us a bit about himself. Of course the main point was the one on the boat where he talked about his father. No need to say that it touched me on a personal level, me and him were LITERALLY on the same boat. I could understand him very well because I also don't have my dad anymore, the only difference is that he was luckier than me to have lived his father longer than me... And also the illness... Besides that, I loved the fact that his father loved the sea so much to the point to make it his job, his passion and wanted to do everything to save its inhabitants, it was very touching, I bet his father was a very good person. What saddened me was knowing how much Jason has felt lonely, I have a feeling he didn't have many friends if not no one and after his dad's passing I know how lonely one can feel. It touched me a lot even when he said his mom wanted his father to stop smoking and after his passing Jason went to steal his boat because it still smelled like his tobacco... He wanted to feel him again... And also, it was such a bummer to know his stepfather sold Jason's dad's boat, it felt like a stab in the heart... I also feel sad for him, not only our Candy but about that I also want to say this. She then apologized to Jason saying that if she knew she would have never asked him about his father and of course Jason told her to not be sorry and that it's not her fault. About this: don't feel too sad or sorry for asking, we have nothing against the people who ask us about it or when they say something not knowing about one's situation, it's really no one's fault so don't feel too bad about it. Anyway, yeah I really liked the fact that we could talk to Jason like normal people and not playing some kind of game between us, without teasing each other and all that. As I said before, Jason opened up to us, I really felt how sincere he was, he really doesn't seem the type to lie just for fun to give us a hard time or to mock us. He's more the reserved type of person, not a liar (not when talking to us at least). Ah also, our Candy at some point wondered how did he turn out like that and in that moment I thought "well, you know, things like that change you with time" and it made me think how Jason was actually, I know that she asks him directly, first asking how was he as a child but then instantly changing it to teenager. Who knows, maybe Jason was really different before but I guess we won't know much about it for now (maybe one day?). Yeah anyway I'm protracting it a bit so let's say the last thing. All in all, his scene was very nice and touching to the point that our Candy cried and Jason was sorry that he made her cry again. He was sincere, opening up to us and lowering his wall in front of us but then he went back to be his usual self by saying that for that night they have a truce but that from the next day everything would go back to normal. I also really liked the illustration and the way Jason looks at us🫠. That's it, I know I've written a lot and if you arrived at the end, thank you for reading all this, I really felt like sharing my thoughts on Jason, since the episode where we go to his office to work on our first project and while talking he said his father passed away when he was a teen, it was really like throwing a bomb that exploded and I felt that personally, then just yesterday (or the previous day) I searched on Google the meaning behind the type of tattoo that Jason has on his forearm just to discover that it means the person has lost a loved one to now having this intimate scene were he talks about it... It's a bit too much for me🥲 again, thank you for reading this🙏🏻

[basilone]

I want to hear your thoughts on fandom and the recent influx of the term content creation!

Well, anon, you are in luck! (Or not, depending on your definition of luck. 😉) I just so happen to have many Thoughts & Opinions™ about this. I will get wordy, this will get lengthy, and I will be social and put most of my thoughts under a readmore cut.

I personally try to avoid the terms ‘content’ and ‘content creation’ when talking about fandom works and a fandom’s creative pursuits nowadays. Occasionally, sure, it happens that it slips out anyway – it’s a term we’re all really used to using! – but I want to be as mindful about its use as possible. This is a personal decision on my account and I won’t get uppity about other people’s use of these terms, though.

But, Killy, you might say... why would you avoid using these terms? For me, here’s why:

Content is not synonymous with art;

Content creation indicates something different than art creation;

Fandom should not be subject to consumerism;

Fandom is about connection.

If all a fandom puts out is classified as content, that fandom is going to die.

Yeah. I know. Melodramatic much? I’m on my fainting couch here, folks. 😂 But let’s dig in, shall we?

You know, maybe it’s just the archivist in me that balks at the term ‘content’. Content is a data entry field in the archival system we use at my real-life job: literally speaking, this data entry field is where we put a brief summary of the document attached to that specific archival file. It contains information that tells you the key takeaways of what the document is about, but it will not contain the full text of the document itself. Content is one of the points of access for our archival search: I know what I’m looking for, so I put a few keywords into our search and it pulls up the relevant file. But what do I need, really need, in my line of work? It’s the document itself, not the data entry field. The document tells me the whole story that I need to be able to truly do my job well. The content-field is a cliffnotes edition of that story.

It’s the same way with the art we create in fandom. I’m gonna take myself as an example here, because I create a fair bit! (Shocking, I know. Local Tumblr cryptid sighting, more at 11. 😎) I spend hours writing fic. I spend hours sorting through screencaps before screeching at Photoshop for a lengthy amount of time. I spend days pouring over quotes, books, documents, photographs, tutorials, and other things that will help me create something cool. I apply color theory, art framing/perspective, narrative focus, and many other theories and techniques to my writing and my giffing. If I were to put my finished work or any of my WIPs in that same archive system, it would be the document within the archival file. The tags I use on my posts? Those are markers similar to the content-field. They tell you who my gifset depicts and from which show it is. They tell you which OC of mine my fic is about. My work contains these things I tagged.

But my creative work is not content itself.

Content is marketable, easy access, blurb-y stuff. Content is something you absorb within one minute flat. Content is the highlight reel. It’s what fills a page, something you’ll scroll past in a heartbeat, something that barely stands out in a long long long list of stuff. Content is what you consume on a lazy Sunday afternoon without ever being forced to read lengthy pieces, take in the details of what you see, pause mid-scroll to ponder the meaning of life, whatever else have you. Create content and you create a flash in the pan, a quick laugh maybe, before it fizzles back out again. Create content and it’s here today and gone tomorrow without anyone mourning its absence for too long.

Art should last longer than that, don’t you think? 😉

So when I see people put a fic request in an askbox and it’s phrased like “Speirs x spy!reader fluff” and that very same request makes its way into about ten more askboxes before the fandom starts comparing asks? I might be inclined to classify us all as slot machines. Put an ask in and out rolls a fic. Who cares which slot machine it came from? As long as you’ve got your painstakingly crafted fics that you consume the same way you do actual content, right? We, its writers, are just lucky if we get a pat of acknowledgement on our little slot machine head for our troubles, aren’t we?

When I see an overly detailed summary of what sounds like a full-fledged fic in an askbox and the demand is “write this for me”, I recoil from the screen and go “child, who the hell birthed you, were you raised in a barn?” out loud. If you can tell a story in the space of an askbox, consider asking for help to let that story – a story you own, a story that is more yours that it could ever be mine – grow into what it has the potential to be.

When I see fics and gifsets and other creations get likes but not reblogs, I mutter something about the state of fandom economy these days. We exist in a little fandom bubble. Our bubble can’t expand or blow from place to place without a little help from our friends. And you’re my friends, right? I know the follow-button says follow, guys, believe me, I’m not that far gone, but for me ‘follow’ means ‘friend’. 💚 You’re my buddy now. Suck it up. We’ll share a can of peaches. 🍑

When I see fics and other creations get reblogged without tags or comments attached, I die a little on the inside. I feel like a little Victorian orphan child going “please, reblogger, a little penny of thought for its creator, if it pleases?”. I feel like commentless and/or tagless reblogging is giving me nothing, nothing at all, about who you are.

And I want to get to know you! I want to know who’s in my notes. I want to know who’s scrambling through my MotA gifsets like a fat little raccoon inhaling its third helping of a box of jelly-filled donuts. I want to know who is adopting which character and why. I want to know that it’s your birthday, or that you had a bad day and needed a pick-me-up, or that you are locked in an Ikea at three in the morning reading my blog by the bright lights of countless Solhetta bulbs. I want to know that you love my OC Darlene but that you ain’t sure what the hell my OC Lottie’s got to do with anything. I want to know what tickles you – a turn of phrase I used, a color in a gifset, a little detail I captured that made me go !!!!!! on the inside while I was creating too – and I want to know what moves you.

What reaches into the soil of your being and nourishes you enough to blossom into whichever lovely self you can grow to be? What is precious to you? What comforts you in the dark nights of your soul, when all light feels like it’s faded out? What do you love, truly love? What feeling and thought and idea and love love LOVE do you consume – truly consume, head to tail, no takebacks – and what are you consumed by in turn?

Let me connect with you. Let me know the little internet scraps of you that tell me you’re a DeMarco girlie, or that you’re here for Hoosier only, or that you’re as feral and batty about Speirs as I am, or that you actually really can’t stand the one dude everyone else raves about. Let me know that you like angsty quotes on gifsets – feel free to yell at me for making you schedule an impromptu therapy session – or let me know you saw what I did in my fic there and you’ll be demanding compensation from me while you lie down and wail about it. Let me know you’re very into those lovely blues on a gifset (I know, SO good, right??) or that you are side-eyeing me because that close-up of your fave turned you into a little puddle.

Let me know what moves you, because I created these things with love. I created them because they moved me, too. I created them because I have a story to tell, somehow. I created them because the whole world is a string of stories and I want to pass the heart of them on to you. I created them not because I want to jump on a hypetrain that races past all the episodes and all the alternate universes and all the stories without stopping, but because I want to soak up the sun and point at something and tell you “look, isn’t this beautiful?”. I created them not because I am looking for a quick fix or a distraction or an escape, but because I want to give you something that nourishes you as it has nourished me.

That’s so much more than that quick flash in the pan, yeah? That’s so much more than what content could ever hope to be. That’s something that lasts beyond the clicks and gives you an ever-expanding horizon that leaves you wondering just what in the world is next.

Let me repeat point five: if all a fandom puts out is classified as content, that fandom is going to die. Because content doesn’t sustain you. Connection does. And connection? That happens with meaningful interaction. That happens when you stop getting followers and start getting friends. That happens when you treat all forms of art as something unique that can be precious to someone, rather than something to like today and forget about tomorrow.

Can I do a lil mic drop? Yeah. I think I’m gonna. Just this once. 🎤

[fanficshiddles]

The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 51

‘I did it because having you alive and hating me, is better than not having you alive at all.’

Claire’s heart broke at hearing Chris’ words. Judging by the look on Loki’s face, she had a feeling that his heart did too…

Loki said nothing at first, his mouth was open in shock at Chris’ admission.

‘You… you knew I didn’t want to be turned.’ Loki said gruffly.

‘You were dying in my arms, Loki. I loved you, so much. More than anyone else. When I first held you as a baby, I knew I’d do anything for my little brother. I was not about to just let you die.’ Chris yelled at Loki and turned away, his back to them.

Loki looked down, Claire saw the pained expression on his face.

‘If you just stopped killing innocent people, like dad did. You terrified me that day.’ Loki said quietly.

Chris turned around. ‘It’s not that easy. I’m addicted to the feeling I get when my victims are scared, the rush of power and the taste of their blood, it’s fresher and rich, I can’t help it. You’ve never been able to accept it, but I don’t care.’ Chris growled low.

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. ‘I get it, Claire’s blood is the most delicious thing in the world, but I can control myself. I can stop without killing her. You could too, you don’t need to kill them after!’

‘I don’t care about them. Their lives are just fleeting in comparison to us, it will happen sooner or later. Whether I’m here or not. Vampires will overtake.’

‘Would you say that if your soulmate turns out to be human?’ Claire asked.

Chris glared at her. ‘I don’t have a soulmate.’

‘You do, somewhere.’ Loki said. 'Every vampire has a soulmate.'

‘I’ve been to every single town and city in the world, spent weeks at each place, searched in clubs, bars, restaurants, everywhere. A soulmate for me doesn’t exist.’ Chris snarled, though his voice broke a little near the end.

‘Tell Loki what you told me about your job.’ Claire said softly.

Chris clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at Claire, then he looked at Loki with a sigh. He put his hands on his hips.

‘Fine. You want the truth? Look, I’m sorry for kidnapping Claire. For trying to hurt you. I was jealous when Claire first came along, that your soulmate literally just walked right into your life when I’ve spent centuries searching for mine. Then when dad told us about the school board wanting you to have my job, I snapped. I love that job, I love my students, vampires and humans. Seeing them thrive and grow, getting excited for being accepted into Universities or Colleges that they applied for, getting jobs that they’ve dreamed of. Helping the young vampires work their way through their first few years where their instincts are at their strongest. The thought of it all being taken away… especially by you, just made me see red. You’ve got everything I want, but you wouldn’t have if I didn’t turn you. Being a vampire isn’t so bad, is it? Better than being dead, surely? Yet you’ve never forgiven me for making that decision, to save my little brother in the only way possible.’

It was then Loki’s turn to get emotional. Claire saw the realisation wash over Loki’s face, his eyes began to water as he stepped backwards until he was leant against the table for support.

‘I… I didn’t realise you’d been searching for your soulmate. I also didn’t realise how much it affected you when I was hit by the car… I’ve been a fool… You’re not wrong, being a vampire is better than death. I just… I just didn’t see it at the time and was so angry and scared at the same time, it clouded my judgement. I’m… sorry, for not being thankful that you saved me. For not ever listening or giving you a chance.

I looked up to you so much, Chris. As my big brother. You were always there for me, looking out for me. When I was told about you and dad being vampires, I was crushed. Though I did come round to the idea, when dad explained about the blood bank… but then I learned that you didn’t agree with it. I was scared of you, the way you just drank from humans and killed them without care. That was a side to you I had never seen, didn’t want to see. I didn’t want to become like that, so when you turned me, I was terrified about doing the same. I've got your blood literally running through my veins, not just as brothers.'

Chris eyes widened a little at Loki’s words, his stance softened and he wasn’t quite as guarded anymore. ‘Scaring you was the last thing I wanted to do, I never wanted you to see me like that… I didn’t even want to tell you about us being vampires but dad was insistent about telling you the truth. That’s why my relationship with him dwindled even more, he just went ahead and told you anyway. I was scared of it causing a rift between us, and rightfully so. That’s exactly what happened.’

‘I would have found out sooner or later. I was beginning to wonder why you and dad never aged.’ Loki sighed and paused for a second. ‘I don’t want to take your job. You didn’t listen to me when dad told us. You are good at it, I know that. I was all for telling the board I didn’t want it and that you should remain the head teacher, until you went nuts and tried to kill me. That’s the first time I’ve genuinely thought you were actually attempting to murder me.’

Chris looked down. ‘I know. I’m ashamed to admit that I think I was, I just saw blind rage. I can’t excuse it.’ He shrugged and looked back up at Loki. ‘I can’t change who or what I am. But part of who I am, still cares and loves his little brother. Always has done. Always will. Even it that means being hated, at least you’re alive.’

Loki and Chris stared at one another for what felt like the longest time. Then, eventually, Loki stood up straight and walked towards him, Chris wasn’t sure what he was about to do at first. Though Loki opened his arms and hugged him tightly. Chris was frozen on the spot for a minute, his brain took some time to process what was going on.

Though the moment Chris put his arms around Loki in return, both of them instantly felt a relief of sorts, the love and bond they once had when Loki was younger came flooding back. All the good times and memories.

When they let go from the longest hug, they both had watery eyes. Though as they both took a step backwards, Claire was sat on the chair at the side, in floods of tears at the scene. They both turned their heads to look at her and chuckled.

‘You guys… That was… so beautiful.’ She sobbed and pulled her cloak round to wipe her eyes.

Chris rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. ‘Well… I’m away to go back to the hunt before it’s all over. I’m sorry, Claire. For kidnapping you and scaring you.’

Claire stood and walked over to Loki, still wiping her eyes. ‘I… I understand why you did. Though not to say it wasn’t scary at the start, but I’m glad that something good has come out of it in the end.’

Loki nodded in agreement, he put his arm around Claire tightly and kissed the top of her head.

‘Though if you ever hurt or kidnap her again, brother or not, I’ll beat the shit out of you.’ Loki growled at Chris.

Chris smirked and as he walked by, he patted Loki on the shoulder. ‘Sure you will, lil bro.’

Loki felt a strange sensation in his heart. It had been a long time since Chris called him that, he used to always use that nickname for him. It made him smile a little as Chris headed out the door and took off.

Claire wrapped her arms around Loki’s waist and hugged him tightly. Loki pressed his face into her hair and he breathed in deeply.

‘Let’s get you home.’ He hummed and squeezed her tightly.

[misty-wisp]

3, 13 and 17 for Asuka and 9 for another OC of your choice :3

oc development ask game

i answered 3 here so i'll go a number down bc i love answering these :3c

4. And reverse, which one of the four things (name, appearance, personality, role in the story) did you struggle with the most?

APPEARANCE. OH MY GOD APPEARANCE. okay so my self insert was pretty easy to put down bc it was literally just my sona but ASUKA. ough i had trouble with her design for a little bit.

like...okay. i figured out her hair style and color pretty quick. i got the idea for her scarf also really quick. i didn't have any casual outfits in mind (not until i designed them in like...the winter months of 2023-24) but i figured out how to alternate her uniform so she'd look like a unique character you could plausibly see in-game.

but HER THIEF OUTFIT. THAT WAS A WHOLE OTHER BEAST.

okay so. i'm pretty sure i always wanted a "witchy" motif with her thief outfit, looking back at old art. i also know i wanted it to be purple because that's my favorite color. but i also also know in the first draft i wanted a butterfly motif. but i also also also know that deep down, the entire time, i took inspiration from umineko because their witch designs fuck severely. you can tell because i straight-up stole eva-beatrice's shawl

the problem was that i didn't know how to design characters at the time. around then i was used to only drawing school uniforms and hoodies--my ass was NOT prepared to design an actual like. memorable character design.

i drafted it again in 2023 with help from my lovely girlfriend <3 she drew up her own concept for me and i took some things from that and made what's now asuka's current phantom thief design!!!

she also did the same for asuka's persona, aradia! i don't think i ever showed her original design here actually:

i more or less kept the original design's outfit and put it on shadow asuka. i think it fits her :3c

13. Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

I DO!!! I HAVE A VOICE CLAIM FOR HER IN ENGLISH AND JAPANESE!!!

okok so i did once mention i was torn between yui ishikawa (2B from nier, stelle from hsr) and aoi koga (kaguya from love is war, sylphy from re: zero) and i'm still not sure tbh. i'll put clips for both vas here:

i'm an amateur va myself and i like to think in english i voice my own oc. and i think i'd do a good job at it! you can see me have a go at voicing asuka's awakening here

but. without me in the picture. i do still have a voice claim for asuka in english, and that'd be cristina vee! i actually set that into stone last night because i was having trouble filling out that one wiki page template and my ass went searching far and wide. and i wound up landing on one of my favorite vas in general, lmao

17. Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

nooooot necessarily? i went with a "witch" design because i like umineko. and asuka likes umineko. she likes it a lot actually. i like to think it represents her living in fantasies in her head that were brought up by the stories she reads--she doesn't really know what reality is like until it really hits her. her mask does have a motif of drama since it's suppose to take elements from the comedy and tragedy masks too, but that's just a reference to her being a theatre kid. she should def have a bigger motif though....that'd be cool....

9. How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

answering this one for juliette! she's much closer to a background guy than any major characters--the biggest part of her character is her connection to sunday and the family, but that's where it ends. any interaction she'd have with other characters would only be in the form of her quite literally making illusions of them for company </3

who knows though. maybe we'll get a future story i can easily incorporate her into--i'm not entirely sure abt fitting her into penacony's storyline

[donnerpartyofone]

nothing to see here.

the excitement of picking up a part-time coffee shop gig -- that is to say, of finding absolutely any work, anywhere, after many years of searching -- has quickly given way to embarrassment that this is literally the best i can do as a middle-aged adult. i was already feeling the weight of this, just from remembering all the radical changes i made and optimistic risks i took that produced nothing, and thinking about past and future family gatherings where someone inevitably puts me on the spot about being a loser, when the boss at one of my side gigs asked me pointedly, "are you really working in a coffee shop?" yes, dude, i'm really this worthless, sorry you have such an embarrassing colleague but i don't know what you want me to say.

and then because i have a really problematic propensity for internalizing the voices of others and anxiously anticipating arguments, because they always seem to come no matter how clear i am about my position, i have to think about the double standards i'm working with and why i believe they are correct:

no, of course i do not judge other middle-aged adults, or anyone really, who do manual labor. actually i don't judge anyone for how they make money, as long as it's not harmful to other people. i judge myself because of how my employment affects me personally. i judge my own failure to become responsible, because it has negatively affected my security and stability, and my ability to provide support to other people. if it were a separate person who put me in this position, i would hate that guy, and nobody would tell me not to. but i'm the one who did this and it would be unnatural not to blame myself. to force myself not to pass this judgment would be to say that i'm not entitled to my feelings, which is its own form of painful derangement.

by the same token, i cannot just choose to be extremely proud of myself because, i don't know, people think PMA is the answer to everything. my most regular writing job is for a barely-literate content mill where i can't stomach more than a sentence or two of the articles, and i make what amounts to about $1/hr...and yet when i say this is not serious writing, this job definitely does not make me "a writer", somebody always has to tell me that i should place a higher value on my work. and it's always somebody who does not read my work and would never consider visiting the website, or buying anything i have physically published. but people just have this prejudice that you're only a failure if you don't have this weirdly inflated sense of self-importance based on nothing in particular. and it's amazing how often someone who is really professionally successful tells you that you should be artificially proud of everything you do, and you should be magically immune to the immense social (and survival-related) pressure to succeed at something. rich people are always the first to tell you that money doesn't matter, and hot people are always the first to tell you that looks aren't important, and these people are always extremely confused and indignant when you fail to automatically manifest the kind of enlightened self-esteem that was advertised to us in the PSA epilogues of saturday morning cartoons. which is all to say i think it's great if people have enlightened self-esteem about whatever they do in life, no matter how menial it seems to others. but i'm not crazy or weak for feeling bad about the state of my life, which comes from me, and affects me directly. i am not choosing to be frustrated and depressed on purpose, and treating me like that's my only problem is one of the main factors in making everything even less bearable than it already is.

PS the people who treat me this way are generally the same people who encouraged me to place risky bets on myself, and who now insist that i not be "negative" about my shameful failure to fulfill any of the ambitions i stupidly cultivated. so uh fuck all those people, is the moral of this story, i think.

[musical-chick-13]

Why can't people ve normal about female characters 😭😭😭

I am ALLLLLWAYS asking this.

I feel like anything I say beyond this point is just. Repeating myself, so I'm going to link to a post I made about how I personally judge a work in regard to how it handles its female characters.

here it is

Wait, apparently I do have one last thing to say upon rediscovering this post. Which is that...yes, obviously some writers mishandle their female characters because of misogyny. They don't let them do anything, or they villainize them when whatever they did wasn't comparatively that bad when stacked against the other characters' actions, or they intentionally give them less backstory/glimpses into their inner emotional world/realistic human flaws that are important to the story, or they use them to make "commentary" on how all women are shrill or unreliable or manipulative or stupid or [insert sexist descriptor here]. I'm not disputing this claim, no group of people--including artists/creators--is immune from perpetuating misogynistic ideas and behaviors.

BUT!!!! This is. My God, it is NOT the case every time. There are plenty of people out there writing interesting women who do interesting things. There are plenty of romance arcs involving women (one OR more of them!!!) that are satisfying and compelling and narratively important, actually. Everyone is going to find some duds occasionally (see: how even I couldn't manage to finish Ore.shura and my continued hatred of Cit.rus, despite those both ostensibly putting objectionable, flawed female characters center-stage. And also my uh. Highly controversial takes on a certain Toy Movie, which I promise I will actually get into at some point.) But to act like it's just...a fact of life that NO female character is going to live up to her male counterparts.............for one, that's wrong. (Go watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend!! Go watch Doom Patrol!! Go watch The Apothecary Diaries or Search Party or Kaguya-sama: Love Is War or, LITERALLY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS.) And for another...well. You know what "because of things out of my control, a woman in a given context can never truly reach the level of a man" sounds like right.

Honestly, I think that a big part of this is the continued refusal to look at things with nuance. You know the post I linked? That was actually about Kill la Kill. The show has...some pretty egregious issues (to the point where people are always surprised when I say that I like it). There are plenty of things about it that I would change. But you know what ELSE it has? A core cast of three interesting and entertaining female characters (and one genderless piece of sentient clothing) who drive the narrative, have dynamic relationships with other characters, and have distinct personalities and ways of looking at the world. People can argue night and day about whether this is a good show (I personally happen to think it is, overall, in spite of its flaws, but I am very much only one person), but the three main girls ARE good characters. It was clear Studio Trigger cared about them and saw them as worthy of the audience's attention, sympathy, and investment. I'm not going to call it a feminist masterpiece. But it DOES do a quality job at writing interesting female characters with clear arcs and emotional complexity.

I could also make a similar case about GoT. I'll be the first to admit this show has. God, SO many problems. Not the least of which is the way it shoehorns in all sorts of nudity and violence against women for literally no reason. But all the female characters are different. They have important effects on the story, they have realistic flaws, they have different and engaging relationships with the people around them and the world at large. If you cut any of them out (aside from...probably Ros, sorry girl), the story becomes incomplete. There are pieces that won't fit together, themes that won't get full commentary or crystallization. It's completely fair to say this show isn't for you, that the flaws it has outweigh the good, that you can't stomach the way it handles certain topics. What isn't fair is to say that the women in it are shallow or one-dimensional, or to solely reduce them to one or two qualities that the viewer finds annoying. The women are better than that (the story and its themes straight-up don't make sense if they aren't). Not being willing to recognize that fact is a you problem. (<-general "you," not "you" the anon)

A piece of media can have plenty of issues (even misogynistic ones) and still have interesting women worthy of analysis and consideration in it. A piece of media can handle some topics well while handling other topics poorly. A piece of media can be too flawed for one person while giving something incredibly valuable to another. But, as always, women enter the picture and any general attempt at nuance goes out the window.

[fatalitysficbakery]

𓆰♥︎𓆪 What We Could’ve Had. (Ep. 1)

— Ellie Williams x Riley Abel

genre: angst/fluff/smut-TY.

warnings: rewriting endings.

synopsis: what happens if riley hadn’t died? what life would she and ellie have lived?

↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery navigation menu 𓆪.

↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery multifandomed &&’ oc menu #2 𓆪.

❦ ⌫ ❦

"Easy girl," I call to my mare when we bound a particularly icy corner, finally eye to eye with something more than miles of snowy forest, the chill hadn't set in until we'd arrived, chalk it up to the adrenaline of having to help make sure myself, two horses, and a grown man are safe from the hordes of infected searching for their next meals. It had been a long road to get here. Figuratively, and literally.

Jackson City.

I never thought I'd see the day, a town lively with families, survivors that escaped the carnage, children, for fucks sake. It almost seemed normal, can't remember the last time I felt normalcy like this, and for a moment, though it was rightful on their part, I wasn't hopeful I ever would.

He had to pull a lot of strings to get me here, Joel. Talked and pleaded for almost 3 months on my behalf, meanwhile, I was stuck holed up in an old warehouse that had begun...decaying. Mold, leaks, holes...If Joel hadn't managed to put in a good word, I don't know where I'd be. When you're an adventure-seeking kid, fighting 'zombies' in an apocalypse sounds exciting, and exhilarating, you fantasize about how you'll save the world, kick infected ass, and most importantly — Be one of the chosen ones to survive. Because of your 'strength', your 'resilience'. I was that and then some, and it had unfortunately burnt bridges I never even got to build.

So, I waited. I waited with bated breathing until the day Joel came back with two horses, food, and supplies for the long road home.

Home. I hadn't had one of those in a while. Not since her anyway.

Hopping down from Lainey's back, I leave her to be taken to the stables. Everyone seemed to have their own tasks, it was a well-oiled engine, you could say. Before I even knew it I was being led down the street, and the question I had on my tongue was as predictable as ever, I could tell by the way the man who never smiled broke character to chuckle at it.

"How is she?"

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

"Ellie? Well, she's Ellie. Stubborn as a mule but damn good at any job thrown her way. Ellie...She's...good."

It wasn't long before that familiar brooding solemn Joel returned to my vision, I could tell something was heavy on his mind, and before I knew it I was chewing on my bottom lip with the guiltiest feeling baring on my soul, knowing I was probably to blame for how strained their relationship seemed to be now. I couldn't help it, really, the man looked like a kicked puppy, I had to say something.

I clear my throat and begin an apology that was long overdue on my part. "Hey Joel, I'm uh, I'm so-"

He stopped me with a raise of his hand, shaking his head before letting out a sigh so filled with regret you could hear behind it. "The fault was and is all mine for lying to her in the first place, darlin'. You ain't done a thing but care about Ellie since y'all have known one another, and truthfully...that's all I ask for. She deserves that much."

My mouth went drier than the damned Sahara at his words, but I couldn't get another one of my own in before he was walking ahead of me, forcing me into a power walk so that I could keep up. He eyes me from his peripheral, and a brief moment passes before his arm wraps around my shoulder, it's a fatherly type of presence that I had learned to revel in since I'd gotten closer to Joel. "Welcome home, kid. Let's get you outta this snow, and show you where you'll be sleeping."

He whistles, and calls someone over, a woman, long brunette locks, tan ivory skin, around my height but a little taller comes striding over to us, pretty, looks kind. Joel calls her Dina as he introduces us, her hand held out to shake mine. "Dina, this is Riley, the newest of us. Can you show her to her room? Me and Jesse are heading out to patrol before it gets too dark out here."

Dina nods eagerly enough that it makes me feel less nervous and a little more welcome. "Not a problem, where's she headed?"

"Cabin. By me and Ellie's place."

"Gotcha. C'mon, Ri. We got it from here, right? I think so. It's nice to meet you, by the way. Welcome to our little sanctuary."

She and I were already walking away from Joel and I'd barely even noticed, my heart thundering in my ears, repeating Joel's words over and over like a broken record in my head; I miss almost every word she speaks aside from the last bit, muttering my own 'Nice to meet you too, thank you' back at her, my heart pounding in my chest thrice as quickly as it should.

'Cabin. By me and Ellie's place.'

Jesus, be a fence.

6:00 am, Friday. I remember the first time I saw someone turn into an infected before my own eyes, at first it was like any old common cold, we kept the wound clean but it got bad, horrible really fast. The 'adults' wanted me out while it happened, though I knew what the outcome would be; I'd seen the slaughter and participated in it firsthand just trying to survive, but this was different. — I peeked around the corner after I had been kicked out, a crack in the door my only view into the room, and it was there I saw it go from bad to worse. It had only been around 8 minutes when his symptoms went from common cold to something much more painful, I had never heard such bone-chilling agonized screaming before, his body writhed and twisted, but not in the traditional horror movie sense, no, he looked as if he wanted to get comfortable, ease the pain any way he could but he couldn't. It'd stayed that way for around 4 minutes and then... Silence. Complete. 3 more minutes. It was still like the moment had been frozen in time. You could hear a pin drop. A low growling hum broke the silence. A resounding gunshot joined its cause shortly thereafter. I saw his eyes before they closed for the final time, and if I hadn't known any better, I would've thought he'd seen me too the way they appeared to look directly my way. Grey, nearly dead, but filled with what looked like relief. He seemed almost...thankful. 15 minutes. I counted every minute from the clock in the room to the watch on my wrist, I'd counted. He’d been a normal guy. One that had come and gone in only 15 minutes. And he wasn't the only one, soon it was widely known how fast it took and I was used to counting down every. little. minute. ↳ When did 15 minutes become so long? My hand shook pointing the gun at her, I couldn't do it, man. I wouldn't. I won't. Ellie and I've been holed up in this old abandoned mall for 4 hours now, it wasn't supposed to be this long a trip but we got sidetracked by the wonders of the mall that I'd been wanting to show her since I found it, only, I'd hurt her. I knew I did, she was pissed when I snuck up on her after not checking in in so damn long. I couldn't leave without a goodbye. As I look over at her sleeping figure, I find myself more confused. The last 4 hours were fun, or at least, the first two were. We explored, found stupid scare masks to put on, made our own fun, and finally, we got to play video games, just like the magic skull had told Ellie we wouldn't be able to. The smile on her face had made everything worthwhile. A fairytale in an apocalypse. ...I guess the apocalypse didn't like that all too much. Fun. Romance. It was already too late when the stalker had pounced on Ellie, I emptied my clip into the damned thing and it still got one final bite in. Ellie didn't utter a word about dying, or turning. She seemed disconnected after it happened, her own pistol pointed at her head, she waited for a shot that wouldn't come. I couldn't do it. I pleaded with her. Give me those last 15 minutes. She'd silently nodded. That was two hours ago.

"Well, this is it. I was wondering why Joel seemed so hellbent on getting this place cleaned up. We haven't happened upon any other survivors in months. You must be pretty special, the people around here aren't too...trusting." Dina chattered on as we entered the small one-bedroom cabin that'd be my living space. I had my own living space. It wasn't big, no upstairs, just right for a person living by themselves. I couldn't bite back my grin, a real-life home, no mold, no cracks or leaks, there's a space heater in the corner, I must've looked like a dream-struck idiot because Dina spoke up again.

"Where were you before this? If I may."

"Cold ass warehouse."

I hear her snort a little, leaned up against the opened front door. I was expecting another comment, more small talk that felt like it'd been running on for hours.

Instead, I'm not met with the new sound of Dina's voice, my ears are met with a familiar voice, one I could remember just by the sound of her breathing. When presented with the option of fight, flight, or freeze, I was always more privy to picking either of the former but today, my body seized, a rare freeze.

8:30 am, Sunday. I don't know if I made the right decision. After Ellie survived the bite and continued to survive the bite, I made an impulsive decision a week later. Told Marlene about what had happened, and that's why we're here in this car. El's head in my lap, asleep soundly while riding to Firefly headquarters with Joel to possibly find a cure to end this thing. At least that's how Marlene explained it. She told me they'd run some tests, learn what makes Ellie immune, and see if they could replicate it, turn it into an antivirus. I wanted to stay hopeful; She was. And she'd been the one attacked. Ellie's selfless like that, she always has been, and it amazed me usually. Right now...It fucking terrified me. In the pit of my stomach, I felt dread. In the pit of my stomach, I felt dread, horror, and concern while going to a place where I had desperately wanted to be only three weeks before. ↳ We had to pull over. The anxiety got so bad Ellie had to hold my hair while I vomited on the side of the road, Joel stood protectively near us with a shotgun in his hand and though neither party complained, I had enough shame and embarrassment for all three of us. The nausea is still here. So is the anxiety.

"Di, you left some clothes at mi-" My heart, I was sure, had dropped to my ass when I laid eyes on her, it was almost surreal. There she was. Ellie Williams in the flesh stood in front of my very eyes, it was like those dramatic romcoms where the two main characters lay eyes on one another for the first time, cheesy music playing behind them and the wind mysteriously blowing in their hair dramatically.

Reality was far less compelling, maybe even disappointing. Her eyes didn't move from mine, gaze unwavering and I wish I could say I held her gaze, that I was a stronger woman, but the person in front of me; Her effect was strong, my heart pounding in my chest, thudding loudly in my ears.

She was still the same Ellie I once knew, her features familiar but older, voice a little lower and filled with a light rasp and a newfound maturity. She was beautiful, but she always had been. — I'm transported into the past, remembering how many times I spent staring at and just...admiring her.

I watch her feet when she shuffles over to Dina, butterflies in my stomach and chest tight. I know I have zero right to be jealous and zero claim on Ellie anymore, hell I barely even know her now but fuck did it still hurt seeing that damned black bra sitting atop the pile of clothes she handed back to Dina, the implications behind it rather clear.

I don't know why I didn't allow myself to speak first, my tongue darting out to lick my dried chapped lips; I couldn't feel any more excited than the moment she took the option from me, she turned to me, that all too familiar half grin on her face. "Riley..."

"You two...know each other?"

My gaze drags itself back over to her and Dina. I only manage a weak nod. Ellie's own eyes hadn't left me, and it fills me with a hope I don't believe I deserve to have. I'm not able to muster even the smallest reply. My chest feels so tight that I have to remind myself I'm not dying, though it feels like a heart attack waiting to happen when I'm standing in front of her. Funny that, an entire apocalypse happening before our very eyes and the thing most likely to end my life were the eyes of the ex-girlfriend I let slip through my grasp. Oh, this cursed blessing we call love and its bittersweet intricacies.

"Ellie?" Dina asks again. The look on her face and the desperation in her voice aren't dead on me. I could tell she'd probably put two and two together on her lonesome when both Ellie and I hadn't uttered a word, both of us looking like deers caught in headlights. She clears her throat, resigning her efforts to find out more, at least for now, that is.

"How did you find this place?" Ellie speaks up next, one of her fists clenched to her side, a tell I'd learned meant she was holding back her emotions. Fighting them with all her might. I didn't quite blame her.

I had a track record for surprising her, and not in ways I've ever been too proud of.

"Joel's been putting in a good word for me, i-it was never a sure thing because the locals wouldn't trust me. Took a good almost 3 months, but I'm here." I muster up the weakest breathy laugh I can, a stupid attempt at keeping things light, but I could tell by the look in her eyes...I'd hurt her again.

I knew why I didn't keep in touch, but it'd always look bad in her eyes, rightfully so. I was always running from something, or towards it. And in pursuit, I'd isolate myself. Abandon the ones who cared too much, who loved too hard. It was all so overwhelming when in hindsight...I didn't even love myself yet, and so I ran. I ran to convince myself I couldn't be loved, or maybe I ran because I'm scared to be loved. Either way, I've done a helluva lot of it. From my past, my present, hell even my damned future.

"So...You've been keeping in touch with Joel? Huh."

Marlene was someone I thought I could trust, I regarded her with the highest respect. She is, was, like a maternal figure to me, motherly and caring. She trained with me, helped me learn to hunt for food, and made sure I was fed and clothed. Hell, she'd have given me the clothes from her sooner than she'd let me go cold. All this being told to say,,, FUCK MARLENE, and FUCK FIREFLY. We're ending this tonight. Ellie deserves better than the world is giving to her, and I'm fucking determined to give it to her. I brought Marlene to her eagerly when I found out just how special I already knew she was, I've put in danger too many damn times for me to count. I'm making this better. Ellie, do you hear me? I'm making this fucking better!

I couldn't breathe, it felt like I was suffocating from thick tension in the cabin, two pairs of eyes on me and the most important set held a hint of betrayal in them, I couldn't hold on much longer but it wasn't me who gave in first. Ellie looks at me with so much conflict in those all too familiar eyes. She looks like she wants to say something, anything. After a while I see her gaze travel back to Dina and I feel a little sense of bittersweet relief.

She was slipping through the cracks of my fingers all over again.

"We should go help start on dinner for the kids, D."

There was something in Dina's gaze that told she picked up on the history. She was quiet, demure as opposed to the excitable social butterfly I'd met just moments before. She nods at Ellie's request, giving me only a quiet "Bye" with a limp-handed wave.

Ellie doesn't look back. I keep willing her to. I know she feels my stare burning through hers. 'Ellie, please' My eyes pleaded, and I could feel tears welling. My heart nearly stops the second she turns one last time. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. Her expression is unreadable, but that doesn't matter to me.

She looked back.

The carnage was bad. Marlene was just one of many Joel and I slaughtered that night. Would you not do the same for the girl you loved? I couldn't watch them kill her, and I got the sense Joel felt a fatherly love towards her now. He wasn't letting her go down without a fight either and that...That I don't regret. She's still alive. The aftermath is what keeps me up most nights. Ellie was suspicious from the get-go, Joel had fed her some lie about there being others like her, about raiders slaughtering the many in the Fireflies massacre. He told her a cure couldn't be replicated from her immunity, and I? I sat there numbly nodding along when all I wanted to do was blurt out the truth and deal with the consequences while this could still possibly be salvaged, and maybe that was delusional of me, but Joel could see I didn't have it me to keep this a secret from her...I could see the disappointment clouding his stare. When Ellie had finally had enough of the storytelling, he told her everything while I sat with my hands folded neatly in my lap and my head bowed cowardly, I wasn't able to look her in the eyes. I had never heard Ellie so angry the night she broke up with me. I deserved it...We deserved it.

"Ex?" Dina asks and I instantly wanna shut down. We were just getting into a rhythm, and though we weren't official? I still feel so damn guilty about the emotions Riley's presence brings me. A conflicting feeling of happiness, relief, a little bit of anger, and sadness? But there was one untapped emotion that was unlocking its cage at the mere sight of her. I choke it down and give Dina an honest answer because I at least owe her that.

"Mhmm. But we were kids. Nothing serious."

The understatement in my words made me wanna curl in on myself. How could I sit there and tell Dina she wasn't serious to me when she's been the only thing on my mind since before I even met Dina.

I feel sick.

"Nothing serious, Williams?" Dina arches a brow as if scanning me for any hint of a lie, and I cook up another one even with multiple on my tongue already. I stomach the acid that comes with swallowing my words. Hard truths.

"Yeah. Nothing serious. Why? Jealous?" Our shoulders knock, and I force myself to smile, I give myself this distraction because I'm not quite sure I'm ready to face the music. Eventually, I know it won't be an option but right now...

"That's cute, Williams. No, I'm not jealous but remind me to kick your ass with some snowballs later just for asking."

"Defensive. Must be some truth to it."

Dina sends a glare my way and that red blush dusts across her cheeks with a familiarity that both warms and breaks my heart immensely. She gives me the middle finger and I can't help but chuckle. "Again? Would be my pleasure."

She groans, but I can see that little hint of a smile appearing on her lips. One she can't control, and yet she tries hard to.

"Shove it."

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

"WHEW." Exhaustion was written on Riley's face, the midmorning frost can hardly keep her awake, nor the sound of hooves galloping through the snow. What does keep her awake comes in the form of the brunette on the horse in front of her.

Exes were something most regarded through black and white lenses, there were unwritten guidelines on how to deal with them and the most important always seemed to be to stay away from them. Protect your peace; Heal.

It was easier said than done when Ellie Williams was your ex. She had an effect on people that left a mark in their psyche so deep, she simply stayed there far past her welcome. Riley was aching, she was aching every day she was near her. The air was always thicker than a knife could cut it, so many words were left unsaid, and emotions were left with no closure.

Neither is ready to talk just yet. Neither are ready until the first rumble of thunder and lightning. The two stop their horses to look at back at one another with concern etched onto their features. Riley is the first to speak up.

"Should we go back?"

Ellie's eyes take Riley in and for a moment she's silent as if contemplating something before ultimately shaking her head. "Nah, I know a place not too far from here. We won't have time to go back. C'mon."

Without another word uttered between them, Riley trails behind her heart beating out of her chest at the thought of being alone with Ellie for God knows how long while the storm raged, this was something she'd been anxious about since the first day she was allowed duty.

↳

There were unwritten rules when dealing with exes and the most important was that you obviously don't associate with them let alone get back together with them, and maybe that was Ellie's problem. She had never been too fond of the rules. Her eyes were glued to Riley's back as they walked into the warehouse, a storm brewing too fast for them to dodge it and get back to town, Riley could feel her heart pounding at simply the thought of being stuck with Ellie during a snowstorm.

What would they do? Talk about? She was convinced Ellie wanted nothing to do with her and she couldn't start a conversation, not with guilt bearing on her heavier than it'd done the night she betrayed her.

She can't look her way.

"Y'know if we're gonna be stuck here, we might as well get used to it."

Ellie was the first to speak up and it'd shock Riley into silence if she'd been talking. She swallows, her palms feeling sweaty and eyes darting around the room to find something they can land on. She has to reply but she has no idea what to say.

"Yeah." is all she musters. Fucking yeah.

"That the best ya got? After all these years?"

Ellie doesn't know what she's doing or why she's doing it, she just knows Riley brings it out of her and she hates every last second of it, the way her heart desires forgiveness and reconciliation, even if her mind didn't. It was a pull she could never quite deny when it came to her.

Riley licks her lips, head nodding. She turns on her heels and their eyes meet for the first time since they'd reunited in a way that gave Riley hope in her time here. Their time here. "You wanna talk? Okay, let's talk."

↳

"We were so young back then. Naive. Stupid." She coughed, her lungs hadn't felt the burn of smoking weed in so long. She'd almost forgotten it existed until Ellie pulled a joint out of her boot; Her cough turns into a small laugh that's followed by Ellie's own. Her hand reaches over and she damn near flinches when it's rested on her arm. She can't help the way her eyes shift to the movement, Ellie's voice soft in her ears.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay."

The silence that befalls them is a tense comfort, their eyes never drifting and both with matching smiles on their lips.

"I missed you, Ri. You were suppoed to be here."

Riley's smile slowly faded with Ellie's words, looking elsewhere, she leans forward slightly, "I'm sorry I wasn't."

Before Ellie even knows it she's reaching out, tilting Riley's head back to her, lips without further warning pressing to hers, and for once in her life, she doesn't regret it.

It feels right. Ellie's hand tangles into her hair, tugging her as close as she could damn well get her as she attempts to put years of being apart, years of trauma and heartbreak into one lousy kiss.

Her hands roam, and it's not something just desperate. Something needy. She wants to memorize Riley all over again, and if she could simply confirm the reality of the situation as well, she absolutely would. She simply needed the confirmation.

Her fingers trail up her neck, eyes moving down to the woman who'd somehow ended up beneath her, chests heaving and lips connected by a thin line.

"Thank you for coming back."

A lazy smile rests upon her lips, her body filled with nervous energy, she wished to be cool, smooth, something that didn't come out as a shy muddled mess, yet the second her lips part...

"Can we...do that again?"

"Kiss?" A low chuckle rumbles through her chest, propped up on an elbow with her chest pressed against hers.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" Licking her lips, she brings Rylie closer, feeling the tension release from her joints, the stress of longing and unending denial. She'd always carried it with her like weight, something she couldn't shake.

For now, she feels light.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

Ellie's eyes cut over to Dina for the 50th time, chewing on her bottom lip, I can tell she feels the same horrid mix of guilt and relief. I can see it on her face and I don't think I can quite blame her. What we've done...

I never deserved to just be able to walk back into Ellie's life and I'm sure Dina is feeling every bit of it, I think I know the feeling. That hopelessness I felt the moment I saw them together. As though I thought she wouldn't have moved on.

"It's okay, El." I put a hand on her shoulder that I know won't be as relieving and comforting as I hope it to be.

"She's looking over here." She whispers back to me, hand grasping mine like it was her only way to escape, and my lips take no time when kissing the back of it, allowing her to pull me closer for a moment.

I feel sick myself, I feel nauseous. I know I don't deserve this. I know Dina deserves better, and yet my selfishness doesn't allow me to let go. I hold on tighter.

There's a tap on my shoulder, and when I turn around, I can feel my stomach tighten. I deserve this. Whatever hell there is to pay.

Instead she holds up a red solo cup and offers it to me. I can smell the nostalgic aroma of hot chocolate, the steam warming my freezing cheeks as I take it between a gloved hand. El lingers right beside me, I can feel her breath on my skin.

"Drink. It has marshmallows. That's a rarity, y'know." Dina prompts, nodding her head to the cup, her expression hasn't changed and it's almost threatening though in the most oddly comforting sense I had ever felt.

"Is it poisoned?" My stomach growls, hesitating the slightest bit to bring it to my lips. It was a joke. Mostly.

Without a beat skipped, Dina shrugs. "Yes."

There it stays, that blank expression for another beat or two. All three of us are stuck in a staredown and none of us a blinking.

Her lips quirk up into a little half-smile. I'm soon to follow. Ellie looks relieved.

My lips wrap around the rim.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

A/N: I’M BACK! and i brought LESBIANS with me!! 😁

[qqueenofhades]

I graduated a year ago and had a job for the 2 months and they laid me off without reason or anything because i was still in the 3 month trial period. Anyway I noticed that they didn’t let the engineers and architects reach the year, you know avoid seniority and stuff. And that was in April, it’s gonna be a year and I still haven’t got another job, I’ve done some freelance jobs here and there, but the last one was for December. I know January it’s kind of a dead month but I’m dying with it, honestly I don’t think I’ll reach the minimum payment of my credit and my car needs gas(at least it’s payed off) and I’m honestly so goddamned depressed. Somewhere I read that a lot of vacancies come out in January but I haven’t seen that many and the ones I’ve seen and sent haven’t even contacted me

Im sorry to bring all this glum to you, but I’ve seen some other recent graduate anons come at you, and you’re so understanding and aware of this economy and job market 🥹

Alas, as ever, I wish that I could make it better and tell you exactly what to do to fix it, but I cannot. However as always, I am absolutely offering you a cup of your preferred beverage, a baked goodie, and a chance to sit at my Internet Grandmother Kitchen and get some things off your chest, so yes. It does suck a lot out there and while it sounds cliché, you gotta do your best, keep trying, and see what comes along.

Hopefully you have other resources or support systems, but if you are in the US and need assistance in basic stuff like paying bills and getting gas, please think about looking into the federally funded 211 service:

Not enough people know about this, and it's way better than hoping that people on the Internet can help you out with bills every time you hit a crunch (although if you do have generous friends, I myself have been saved by them a time or two -- absolutely no shame or judgment here!) But they literally exist to help people find funds and resources for situations like this, and even if you're not in the US, I advise looking for similar government initiatives or programs. They might or might not exist (alas, I am American so I only know our version) but there should be at least something like this. Try searching "211 service equivalent for [country]" or similar keywords?

And of course, if you are reading this and ARE in the US: look into 211! Please don't drive yourself crazy with fear or stress! There are definitely stopgap services and funds that exist for just this sort of thing! Please do use them. I am sending hugs.

[poems-and-cows]

Work again!

To be honest, I didn’t spend most of the day doing work like I should have been doing. After people’s questions about my clothing style, I sort of realised I wanted to do a bit more with it. Sasha and Tim helped me look through the internet for clothes, until we found the perfect brand on a website. I can’t stress how perfect it was.

It turns out, it just doesn’t sell anything like what we saw anymore! I had to do all the fancy reverse image searching, piecing together what this brand could be like Sherlock Holmes, only to find out that all the clothes they used to sell are completely lost. The only evidence they were there is Pinterest. They turned into a plain brand! I can never find nice clothes in my size, and the second I do they disappear without a trace.

Eventually, I finally found a place to buy them. Guess what happened next. They weren’t my size after all. The yearning I feel for these jumpers is unimaginable. They’re right there, the clothes I desperately want to wear, and they’re 2 sizes too big. It’s that kind of brand that only makes clothes in one size, and it’s very sad for people like me. I’m still super annoyed about it. Any advice, or any way I could possibly adjust the size to be two sizes smaller? Anything would work. I would literally teach myself to sew for this. Do tailors work like that? Maybe a tailor could do it, if that’s possible. Yep, I googled it and they can do that.

I doubt I’d have the money or energy, but it’s nice to know they aren’t completely out of my reach.

Anyway, The Captain got cat food! She completely inhaled it, and went completely mad over the Dreamies that were offered to her. It was like she hadn’t been fed in years or something. There’s still no reply on that Facebook post, but fingers crossed!

She was being really mischievous today. She climbing on shelves, knocking over mugs, curling up on laptops, ect. I’m worried that Elias will kick her out if she becomes too much of a hinderance to our jobs. I hope she gets to stay, and I doubly hope I get to have her over the weekend.

Oh, speaking of weekends, we’re off on Friday. The whole institute is being given a free day off because of something to do with that Peter Lucas guy someone warned me against. The apparent cult leader? It’s pretty weird, but it’s a day off!

Right now I’m just watching random TV, and I’m going to respond to some Asks! I’m already yawning though, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it through them all. I hope so!

Goodnight ^^