#i was listening to this song earlier and the second those lyrics came on i had an illumination man

[0rchidm4ntis]

My little love,

Tell me, do you feel the way my past aches?

When you lay on me, can you hear the way my heart breaks?

[scarlet-bitch]

"Do the Things You Said You'd Do to Me"

3.7k Eddie Munson X fem!reader, no use of Y/N, little to no description of reader, 18+ explicit content-porn with plot, fluff. No upside down, 90s AU set in '97 Eddie & Reader are mid twenties.

A/N: 90% of the time I'll hear a song and immediately think - I want to write about this. It's not always the song's actual theme but specific lyrics. This idea came to me while listening to Sailor Song by Gigi Perez. Feedback/likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading & as always, I hope you enjoy! XO, Scarlet 💋

Eddie's flavor was a mix of tobacco and cinnamon. He could brand it 'red squared,' the taste of Marlboro Reds and Red Hots always lingering on his tongue. Occasionally there was a hint of weed, but he didn't often get high with you. You asked why once, and he mumbled something like, "You get me high enough already."

It was undeniably cheesy but he meant it. You had him dizzy in love, so he liked to be completely cognizant, fully immersed in the moment with you. Unfortunately, right now, he couldn't be present at all.

Eddie had been on tour for a month, with three weeks still to go. You had the pleasure of going to the first few shows, but you had your own job so you were stuck in Indiana while your boyfriend was on the road.

Aside from a few brief phone calls -soft whispers of 'I love you,' 'I miss you,' and dirty vows of what’s to come- you two hadn't spoken while he's been away. You hadn’t been apart this long since before you got together and it was driving you crazy. You didn't just miss him—you craved him.

Craved him so much so, that this past week, you considered picking up a cigarette habit. If that wasn't already pathetic, you actually did buy a pack of Red Hots, stashing them in your nightstand for your late night indulgence. It wasn't enough to think about him—you needed to taste him.

You'd feel ashamed if it wasn't exactly the sort of thing Eddie would love to hear—how desperate you were for him. And god, were you desperate.

That's how you ended up vibrator in hand, Red Hots melting on your tongue, losing yourself in thoughts of Eddie. His pretty mouth-it held the filthiest promises, yet they spilled so sweetly. After the words would leave him he'd always smirk, corners of his plush lips drawing your gaze to his big doe eyes. Those godforsaken eyes-constantly feigning innocence when in reality they were a gateway to a deep abyss that threatened to consume you and without a doubt, you'd gladly allow it.

You're fully engrossed in your fantasy of imagining his gaze boring into your own while his sinful mouth's on your cunt. A lethal combination that always had your back arching off the bed. You could feel the orgasm building, the vibrations teasing you, getting you right to the edge, and then just like that-it's gone. You're snapped out of the moment by a loud ruckus from the apartment hallway. You click the vibrator off, straining to listen, hoping it's just your imagination.

A moment passes, and you don't hear anything else. The walls are thin, so you toss it up to your neighbor’s rowdy friends, who always acted as if no one else lives in the building. You try to refocus on thoughts of Eddie, but just as you click the vibrator back on, the noise came again.

Goddamn horror movies. You shut off the vibrator, tossing it aside, face flushed and beads of sweat gathering at your hairline as you let out a frustrated sigh. This is exactly why Robin offered for you to sleepover after your movie night earlier that evening. You should have accepted her invitation, because now, alone in your apartment, you can’t shake the feeling of Ghost Face lurking in the hallway.

The blissful knot that had been forming has been replaced with one of pure anxiety. As you can faintly hear what sounds like someone shuffling at your doorway. You want to get up from your bed, shut and lock your bedroom door but you're frozen in place. Panicked and second guessing if you even locked the deadbolt.

When you hear the familiar click of your front door, you know that you didn't. Heart racing in your chest as the sound of footsteps enter your apartment. Your stomach drops, and before you can plan your next move—

“Honey, I’m home!” Eddie’s voice rings out.

You shot out of bed, and bolted from your room. There he was, standing in your living room, duffle bag slung over his shoulder. The glow of the nightlight illuminating him, showcasing that smug grin of his. "Surprise!"

“What the fuck, Eddie?” you exclaimed, trying to catch your breath as you walked toward him. “That was terrifying! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

He chuckled, “That would defeat the purpose of the surprise, babe.”

“Surprise?! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

He laughed, stepping closer, his hands finding your waist as he pulled you into his arms. “I’m sorry for scaring you, baby. Harrington warned me you might be jumpy.”

“Um, who the hell wouldn’t be?” You laughed, then pulled away from his embrace. “Wait—Steve was in on this? Was Robin? Don’t tell me those assholes let me watch people get sliced up for two hours knowing you were going to break in!” You exclaimed, flinging your hands out with a scoff of disbelief. “How did any of you think this was a good idea?” You added as you made your way toward your end table.

"First of all, it's not breaking in when I have a key, and it's not like this was the plan, baby! I was supposed to be at Robin's hours ago, but my flight got delayed. They didn’t want to spoil it," he said, tossing the duffle bag off his shoulder. "I've been planning this for weeks. Robin said she tried to convince you to spend the night. She told me you insisted that Scream didn’t even scare you.”

“Well, it didn’t!” you defended as your fingers found the knob of the lamp, twisting it on. “Not while watching it, at least. At midnight when someone's at my door, that's a different story.” You laughed, turning back to him.

“Now that you know it’s just me, are ya still scared?” he asked, with his head cocked to the side and a devilish grin on his lips.

“A little,” you smirked. “The boyfriend's the killer after all.”

Eddie rolled his eyes playfully as he began walking towards you. For the first time tonight, he was fully taking you in: ruffled hair, rosy cheeks, pebbled nipples against the thin material of your oversized night shirt.

"Fuck, sweetheart you look..." His breath hitched, his jeans suddenly feeling too tight. "Did I interrupt something?"

"As a matter of fact, before your grand entrance I was quite busy.. didn't even get to finish." You whispered all sultry and sweet.

He wet his lips with his tongue, a soft swallow as he drank you in. "Guess I got here at the perfect time, huh?"

You nodded as you closed the distance between you both, arms snaking around his neck as his hands came to rest on your lower back, pulling you close, bodies pressed against each other. You could feel how hard he was already. With this proximity, Eddie wasted no time connecting his lips to yours. Within seconds his tongue was eagerly pushing its way into your mouth.

There it was. Smokey cinnamon hitting your tastebuds- heavy on the cinnamon as the candy coating on your own tongue amplified it. It was everything you'd been missing.

You couldn't help but moan into Eddie's mouth, tongues colliding in needy haste. Eddie's hands moved lower, sliding over your backside before bunching up the fabric of your oversized shirt and gripping the fat of your bare ass. He let out a hiss, as you pulled back with his lower lip caught between your teeth dragging it out slowly before letting go.

"Eds," you whispered, eyelashes fluttering up at him. "Would you please, do all the things you said you'd do to me."

A gravelly moan escaped him, the moment the words left your lips. "Come on," he said, taking your hand and guiding you toward your room.

As you both entered your bedroom, you took a seat on your bed as Eddie stood against the doorframe. His eyes landed on the box of Red Hots on the nightstand, raising an eyebrow at you, a teasing smirk on his lips. "I thought I caught that on your tongue."

"Yeah," you giggled. "I... I missed you a lot and I just, I needed to taste you."

Eddie watched as you moved the vibrator that was next to you on your bed, to set it on your nightstand. The full picture of what you'd been up to before his arrival, was now at the forefront of his mind. His cock was straining harder against his jeans as he watched you lean back against your pillows, patiently awaiting his next move.

Before tonight, it had been 27 long days since he last saw you, touched you, fucked you. In less than 36 hours, he would be back on a plane, and another 21 days would stretch before he saw you again. He needed to absorb every detail of this moment—the soft, warm light casting a glow across your features, the hunger in your eyes, and the way your chest rose and fell rapidly with each breath. Your oversized shirt enveloped you, concealing the skin he ached to touch. You looked breathtakingly beautiful, and knowing you had been just as desperate for him made his heart flutter.

"What was my needy girl thinking about while she touched herself, huh?" He asked making his way toward the bed.

"Oh y'know, just your pretty face between my thighs."

"Mmm, my favorite place to be," he groaned, dropping to his knees. His arms came up to your calves, urging you closer to the edge of the bed. Once you were settled, Eddie hoisted your legs over his shoulders, his arms wrapping around your thighs. He slid his right hand up, eager fingers pulling the material of your oversized shirt aside, exposing your glistening cunt. A guttural moan escaped his lips at the sight, the sound making your stomach flip.

"Shit," he sighed. "You're fucking dripping."

You let out a soft hum, anticipation gnawing at you as you watched him take a bite of the soft flesh of your left inner thigh, causing your breath to hitch.

Eddie trailed open mouthed kisses up the expanse of your thigh, his hot breath fanning over your core before he moved to your right thigh, giving it the same treatment until his mouth hovered over where you longed for him most.

"Please," you whimpered.

"If I remember correctly, I believe I said I'd tease you first."

"Eddie..." you whined, frustration lacing your tone. "Please don't. I've waited long enough."

Eddie took pleasure in teasing you, reveling in the intoxicating game of cat and mouse. He delighted in how you'd squirm and beg for his touch, your desperation only fueled his desire. But right now, there was absolutely no way he could drag this out.

"Don't worry, I'm only kidding. Been dreaming of savoring this pussy for weeks," leaning forward and sliding his tongue slowly through your folds.

"Fuuuuuuuuuck," you bucked your hips up instinctively, urging his tongue to press firmer as it fluttered back and forth against your clit. "Yes, right there, fuck."

The vibrations that reverberated from his mouth as he moaned against your cunt made you let out a harsh hiss. He worked quickly, lapping at your clit with an intensity that had your eyes squeezed shut from the sensation. Your mouth went slack, breathy gasps escaping as you realized how easily you were putty under Eddie's touch. In just minutes, you were already on the brink of your orgasm.

You couldn't come yet, not when you hadn't fully taken in the sight before you. Forcing your eyes open, you watched as Eddie devoured your cunt. His big doe eyes looked up at you, lust blown -he looked so beautiful like this. Your fingers threaded through his hair as his palms gripped your thighs, pressing into the doughy flesh.

His tongue moved lower, gliding toward your entrance, and you couldn't help but rut your hips against his mouth, fucking yourself on his tongue. Eddie stayed there for a moment before swirling back to your clit, sucking harshly. He couldn't speak with his mouth full, but those pleading eyes told you everything: he wanted you to come all over his mouth.

"Yes, just like that, Eddie! Missed this so fucking much... ahh, ahhh, missed yo-fuck, ohmygod, I'm go-" You let out a silent scream, as pleasure overtook you. Your legs clamped around Eddie's face, hands moving to squeeze your breasts as he continued to suck your clit. Your back arched off the bed, your entire body quaking from the release of your orgasm. Eddie kept licking at your sensitive cunt, his tongue drawing out every last shiver of pleasure as you struggled to catch your breath as you came down.

In your blissful haze, you watched as he slowly removed himself from between your legs, undressing at the foot of your bed.

He looked so beautiful, you were enamored by it. Your gaze following his tattoos, like a game of connect the dots. Admiring each of them as if this were the first time you were seeing them. You lingered on his most recent addition—a tattooed kiss above his left hip bone. You had a habit of kissing him there, and one day, after leaving a lipstick print, Eddie was so in love with how it looked, he decided to immortalize it in ink.

While you loved it, you also worried he might regret such an impulsive, permanent choice. He only smiled, assuring you, "I’ll forever be yours, so it might as well be branded on me."

"What're you thinking about, sweetheart?" Eddie asked pulling you out of your thoughts, his fingers toying with the waist band of his boxers.

"How pretty you are," you smiled, sitting up and leaning forward, replacing his hands with your own. Your lips brushed over the tattoo, eliciting a shudder from Eddie. You trailed soft kisses across his abdomen to his right hip bone, then slowly pulled down his boxers.

Your breath caught as his cock was revealed -so pretty, hard, and leaking pre cum. You pressed a gentle kiss to the tip, before teasing it with slow, soft licks.

"Christ," Eddie muttered through gritted teeth.

Your fingernails sank into his hips, sure to leave marks as you pulled him closer, taking his tip into your mouth and sucking.

"Ahh fuck," he moaned,

Normally, you'd bob your head, eager to take him fully. But the ache between your thighs was back, more intense than before.

You pulled back, eyes glistening-not from the act, but from the pure desperation you were suddenly feeling.

"I want more," you whined as you moved your hand to stroke his cock. "Want you to fuck me, Eds."

"Is that what'ya want," his hand coming to cup your cheek. "My cock inside you?"

You tightened your grip on his length, a desperate whine falling from your lips as you nodded. "Please."

Eddie inhaled sharply, his eyes fluttering shut at the sound of your voice pleading for him. Your words dripped with honey, sweet and melodic. "Lay back for me, sweetheart, and take off your shirt. I want to see all of you."

You obeyed, your heart racing as he reached for a condom from your nightstand. After rolling it over his length, he climbed onto the bed, settling on his knees between your spread legs.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmured, his hands caressing your body, lips kissing the soft skin of your tummy and trailing up toward your breasts.

A chorus of moans escaped you as he suckled and nipped at your breasts. He moved slowly, working his way up to your collarbone and along your neck, every kiss a tantalizing reminder of what you craved.

You grabbed his face, crashing your lips against his in a hungry frenzy of teeth and tongue. "Eddie, stop teasing," you urged breathlessly, feeling him line himself up at your entrance.

He couldn't help himself, he'd been satiated enough from devouring you earlier, he had to taunt you a little. "That's half the fun, baby. Love seeing you so worked up," he growled, his hands squeezing your hips.

"Far past worked up."

He chuckled, "Yeah? Tell me how badly you want it."

"Don't want, need. Need you to fill me, Eddie."

"And I will, baby, I will. But it's been a while, maybe I should take my time?"

"No, I can handle it," you insisted.

"You can also be patient though, right?" He tsked softly, pressing the tip inside slowly. Your breath hitched as you mewled at the sensation.

A stream of praise tumbled from his lips, barely coherent as you saw stars from the stinging pleasure of his cock. He tantalized you with slow half thrusts, and you needed more. Arching your back, you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him deeper, your nails digging into his shoulders.

Eddie thrived on how needy you were, how much you made him feel desired. All he wanted was to give you everything you craved. He inched deeper, stretching you, filling you completely, both of you gasping at the sensation. He stayed still for a moment, savoring the tight warmth around him. "You feel so goddamn good," he groaned, beginning to move.

You were nearly in tears, eyes blown wide as Eddie found a steady pace, your nails now clawing at his back. "Feels perfect," you cried out.

"Sure does, sweetheart. Like you were made just for me," he groaned.

"All for you."

Eddie leaned closer, his left forearm braced against the bed, while his right pressed against your chest his hand gripping your neck gently. Your legs fell open, falling to the sides of his torso, over his spread thighs as he continued to thrust into you, at an increased pace.

The tension coiled tighter, building faster than you expected. You grasped his bicep with your right hand, the other clutching his forearm that was on your chest.

His face hovered over yours, gaze locked onto each others. The lust that once filled his eyes had transformed into something softer—half lidded and glistening, a reflection of pleasure and the surge of emotions swirling between you.

"Missed you so fucking much," he breathed removing his grip from your neck, to instead lace his fingers with yours and rest your hand against the mattress as he continued to pound into you.

You nodded your head, rendered absolutely speechless by the pure ecstasy his cock was giving you.

The room was filled with the sound of skin against skin, breathy gasps and lewd moans, as the two of you continued to lose yourselves within each other.

"That's it, baby. I can feel you clenching," Eddie coaxed. "Let go for me, I'm right there with you."

You let your orgasm wash over you, Eddie's thrusts never letting up even as he came with you.

As the height of pleasure dulled, he rolled his hips lazily, his forehead pressing against yours as your lips met in a soft collision.

"I love you," you murmured.

"I love you too," he replied, rolling onto his side to lie next to you.

You cuddled for a while, Eddie's fingers tracing lazy patterns on your skin as he shared stories about the road and the gigs he's played. You caught him up on your job and what life had been like in Hawkins since he’d been gone, telling him all the details about your movie night at Robin's. You even joked that if it had been Ghost Face who "broke in" tonight, as long as you got the same treatment you just received, you wouldn't have minded.

"Halloween '97, here I come. No tricks, all treats—I’ll fuck you with the mask on," he teased.

You playfully nudged him, and he shrugged. "Just saying, I'm open to it," he laughed, reaching over you to grab the Red Hots from your nightstand, popping some into his mouth.

He was beaming at you, eyes bright and wide, sucking hard on the candy in his cheek. "I'll be right back," he said, hopping out of bed and throwing on his boxers.

"Where are you going?"

"I have something for you," he called as he headed into the living room.

You sat up, the comforter pulled over you, eagerly awaiting his return.

"It's not much," he said as he walked back into your room, arms behind his back. "And don't be alarmed that it’s been used."

"Okay," you replied, cocking your head to the side, eyebrow raised with a questioning smile.

Eddie made his way back onto the bed, sitting in front of you. "You weren't alone in going out of your way for uh... reminders," he laughed, revealing a bottle of your favorite perfume. "Sleeping on a bus is rough, okay? The motels aren't any better, and I just needed... you."

A soft giggle escaped your lips. "Oh my god, Eddie."

"I sprayed my pillow. The bus driver gave the me idea, said his wife sends him with her perfume every time he's away. The downside was that it made me increasingly horny. Like, I was popping a boner every time my head hit the pillow."

You were choking on your laughter.

"It's not funny, baby. Do you know how hard it is to jack off on a tour bus? Everyone can hear everything! I had to smother myself with the pillow to keep myself from fucking moaning but that only made it worse. The scent was just intensified, and felt like my head was just buried in your neck while I fucked my hand and I'd just moan louder."

You laughed, heart swooning that he'd been as much of a mess as you. "Well, at least we're both terrible at being apart."

"Tragically lovesick, I think they call it," he murmured, a teasing smile on his lips as he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to yours.

"When's your flight back?"

"Sunday at noon," he replied.

You glanced at the clock on wall. "So we've got 34 hours left, and I if I remember correctly," you teased using his own words from earlier. "I asked you to do the things you said you would."

"Right," he said a cheeky grin on his lips. "And I think I told you on our last phone call, that when I saw you, I'd make you cum once for every day we'd been apart. Is that right?"

"Mhmm. Only 25 more to go," you added.

"We better get to it then," he smirked.

[chrissv4mp]

౨ৎ lacy black pair with the little bows

— word count : 4.3k

★ sum: you listen to billie's new feature, and you can't help but notice that more than half of her lyrics are directed toward you.

☆ pair: fem!reader × billie eilish

★ cws: smut, language, spit, oral, fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, crying, mommy kink, degradation, dirty talk, masturbation, strap-on sex, etc.

☆ a/n: well...... haven't written for like 4 years (days), but i'm back !! (maybe...)

★ a/n 2: i lied, you're getting this way earlier than u should've.... (my break from writing is long overdue i need to get back on here 💔)

— tags : @livialifesblog @mseilishmwah @mxqdii @sophloveswomen @devynscomet @her-favorite @br4ttyeilish @wiidfi0wer33

navigation

your thumb quickly taps on a newly released music video, a video starring charli xcx, and your girlfriend. you heard the song already, millions of times, actually. it was one of your favorites on the album, and you were ecstatic when you found out that billie got to star in the music video and also put a little twist to the song.

you bit down on your lip in an effort to contain your excitement, a light pink hue flushing your cheeks and ears as your eyes darted around at every extra in the video. they all looked amazing, but the person you wanted to see right now was billie. you wanted to know what she was wearing in the video and what lyrics she wrote for it. her mind worked in such a beautiful way that you couldn't help but get excited.

a squeal left your throat as your girlfriend finally came on screen. she looked good. really good. you couldn't help but blush profusely as you stared into her eyes in awe, causing you to miss half of her lyrics. you quickly skipped back, though, chewing on your bottom lip out of excitement to hear the words. when your ears finally picked up on the words coming from her between her lips, letting out a quiet gasp as your face got impossibly hotter.

"don't have to guess the color of your underwear,

already know what you've got goin' down there."

a quiet hum fell from between your own lips, a big smile plastered on your face as your eyes continued to follow wherever your girlfriend went on screen. the next line of lyrics made your eyes widen subtly, catching on to who she wrote her lyrics about. did she write them about you? your thighs squeezed together at the thought, breath hitching.

"it's that lacy black pair with the little bows,

the ones i picked out for you in tokyo."

you remember that night very well. when she took you on her trip to tokyo for her tour promo. she insisted on exploring the city with you, explaining in great detail how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you and how she wanted to experience new things with you specifically. and that eventually led to her dragging you into a mall and taking you into victoria's secret, then surprising you with a pair she wanted you to try on.

she really couldn't get her hands off you when she saw them on you, hugging your hips just right and making her appetite for you even bigger. she wanted to taste you, so that's exactly what she did. right in the dressing room, she ate you out like a starved woman. you couldn't say you didn't enjoy it. the adrenaline you got from the fact that anyone could interrupt you or even accidently walk in made it all the more pleasurable.

she bought them for you without hesitation, and you quickly found out those were her favorite pair. the way the light pink bows decorated the thin, lacy fabric, and the way they fit you just right made her absolutely insane. whenever you would walk around the house in just underwear, she would be right at your feet in seconds, tugging at the fabric in an effort to pull them down.

"i saw them when you sat down, they were peekin' out.

i'm gonna tell you right now they're all i'm thinkin' about."

her words affected you much more than you'd like to admit. the way her plump, pink lips moved to sound out the syllables of each word she spoke, it made you crazy. she was teasing you through the fucking screen, and you couldn't do anything about it right now.

"fuck." you mumble, the end sounding as a whine as your head lolled back onto the couch cushions. she wouldn't be home for another hour, and you knew she hated whenever you touched yourself without her clear permission.

how could you resist, though, when she spoke such filthy words? her tone of voice didn't help your situation, either. it was low and raspy and had just a hint of seductiveness settled in. the way she sang had your heart pounding and your pussy throbbing, eyelids threatening to flutter shut as you continued to watch.

"i wanna try it, bite it, lick it, spit it,

pull it to the side and get all up in it."

you couldn't take it anymore. sure, you could've shut off the video and tried to distract yourself, but you really didn't want to take your eyes off the gorgeous girl. instead, your free hand slid down your body, caressing your own soft skin gently before dipping beneath the waistband of the pair of panties that your girlfriend loved so much.

a choked sigh of relief fell from between your lips as your index finger ran through your wet folds. the hand on your phone only gripped the device tighter, eyes trained on billie as she moved around in the music video. she looked so sexy you couldn't help but moan out into the empty house, hips bucking against the pads of your fingers.

"billie—mhh.." you whimpered quietly, teasing yourself by only dipping the tips of your index and middle finger into your pussy. just like billie would do if she was here. she would call you a slut for getting so worked up just by watching her through a screen. she'd edge you the whole night if she saw you in this position, actually.

"kiss it, bite it, can i fit it?

charli likes boys, but she knows i'd hit it."

the way she moved her head side to side as she sang the lyrics reminded you of the countless times she's done that while in between your legs, eating you out like you were her last meal. she was always so eager to please you, taste you, hear you.

your fingers stopped when you heard the last line, though, pausing the video quickly as a pang of jealousy hit you. that only fueled the fire in your lower stomach. it fueled your urge to further disobey her and make yourself cum over and over again by yourself. you wanted her to walk through the front door and instantly be met with your throaty moans and the disheveled, fucked-out appearance of yourself while you continued to thrust your fingers in and out of your swollen pussy.

the thought alone made you wetter, and this time you fully plunged both fingers inside of your pussy. a moan sounded throughout the house as you tossed your phone to the side of the couch, head lolling back as you spread your legs further out. you imagined they were billies fingers pounding relentlessly into your tight hole, never stopping even whenever you tried to push her hands away.

quiet gasps soon turned into throaty, desperate moans of your girlfriends name. your hand gripped the pillow beside you, bottom lip swollen from all the biting you had been doing previously. the way her hands moved on the steering wheel of the tractor made butterflies swarm in your stomach, her ring-clad fingers making you crave her touch even more.

a thought popped into your mind, your fingers faltering in pace for just a moment before they picked up speed again. your grip on the pillow loosened, reaching around on the couch to find your phone. when you finally grabbed it, you unlocked it and opened up the camera app, pointing the phone down at your thighs. as you snapped the picture, you let out a breathy chuckle as your eyes scanned it. your hand was visible through the thin fabric of your panties, and the obvious wet spot just made your smile bigger.

you didn't think about the consequences before sending the photo to billie with a teasing text, "still thinking about them, or did i wear these for nothing?" then your phone was tossed to the side once again as you got lost in your pleasure, eyes rolling back as you curled your fingers just right and hit that one soft spot inside of you.

it didn't take long for your phone to start vibrating, the screen lighting up with a picture of you and billie and her contact name showing in bold at the top. you would've answered if you weren't so caught up in the need to cum, drowning out everything around you as you got lost in the fantasy of your girlfriend plunging her fingers deep inside of you while her lips wrapped around your swollen clit.

a low whine sounded in the room as you clenched around your digits, bucking your hips wildly against your palm as it continuously grazed your swollen bud. a hand came up to grope at your tit, rubbing your nipple through the thin, white baby-tee you wore. when your fingers curled again, you lost it, letting out a high-pitched moan as your back arched away from the couch cushions. your juices coated both of your digits as you pulled them away after a few moments, whining at the empty feeling.

grabbing your phone once again, you opened the camera app and spread both your index and middle fingers, snapping the photo when the web of your cum was visible. a cheeky, flustered smile formed on your face as you flipped the phone camera. this time, you recorded your filthy actions. you slowly brought your fingers up to your mouth, sticking your tongue out in a seductive manner before placing both of your wet digits on the muscle.

your lips wrapped around your own fingers, and your eyes fluttered closed as you let out an exaggerated moan, tongue swirling around them as you thrusted them in and out of your mouth. billie wasn't gonna be nice tonight. you knew that. but you didn't care about the consequences right now because she was just so fucking fun to tease. she always got so worked up and flustered, you couldn't help it.

you stopped the video after you dragged your fingers out from between your lips slowly, making sure to give billie a show. then, you sent it without a care in the world before placing your phone down on the coffee table. she wouldn't be back soon anyway, so she'd have time to calm down.

— a loud slam echoed through the house, and your lips quickly curved into a mischievous smile as you got off yours and billies shared bed. it didn't take long for her to call your name, the tone of her voice clearly showing off her anger, "y/n, where the fuck are you?"

her eyes darkened as she watched you walk down the stairs like nothing happened. they traveled down your body, catching sight of the panties you wore in the picture you had sent her earlier. she couldn't believe you actually had the nerve to touch yourself without her present. as you stood at the bottom of the staircase, an innocent grin on your face, she bit her lip out of... she didn't even know.

"c'mere, now." her voice was quiet, the tone of her voice laced with anger and lust and emotions you couldn't even catch. you obeyed her commands, skipping off the final step before making your way over to the girl that still stood at the front door. the way your hips swayed as you walked was addicting to billie, her own urges becoming hard to contain. when you were finally in arms reach of billie, you stared into her ocean blue eyes and just smiled, humming as you tilted your head to the side.

she mirrored you, tilting her own head to the side but keeping the same stern look on her face as she analyzed your own. before she spoke, her hand came up to grab your face, her fingers pressing harshly against your cheekbones and causing your lips to part slightly, "you think it's funny to tease me while i'm out workin', huh?"

you stayed silent, eyes darting around her face and admiring her many facial features. the freckles that were only noticeable if you paid real close attention to her. your mind didn't process her question until after she shook your head side to side for a few seconds. you gasped before stuttering out a quiet response, "'ts not my fault. you were the one who started it, bils."

a toothy smile formed on her face, a quiet chuckle coming from between her perfect lips before she spoke, "how did i start it, babygirl?" her voice alone made your knees weak, wobbling for a moment before you composed yourself and spoke up, "the video," you whispered, and billie just scoffed as she pressed harder on your cheekbones.

it made you whine, cheeks flushing a light pink hue as her lips parted to speak again, "oh? was it the video, or was it the lyrics, mamas.?" you only stared back at her with a knowing look swirling in your pupils, and billie chuckled again, "it was both."

you nodded in response, hands moving to paw at your girlfriends close in a weak effort to try to get her to touch you. that's all you wanted ever since you finished the video, "you were the one who wrote those lyrics. you told me to watch the video and you—" you grumbled, and billie quickly shut you up by giving you the look that always made you crumble.

"no, no, it's not my fault. i think it's your fault for being such a needy slut, actually. you only had to wait a few more minutes and i would've been home to relieve you," she whispered, that stupid, sexy smile on her face never leaving, "but you couldn't wait, could ya? such a fuckin' slut you can't even wait to cum. 'm'gonna teach ya tonight how to be patient soon,"

"not tonight, though. you wanted to cum so badly so i'm gonna make you cum," you knew what that meant. yeah, she'd make you cum but she wouldn't stop until she was satisfied. she wasn't gonna stop until you were crying and begging her to stop.

a low whine ripped through your throat as you pouted your lips, batting your eyelashes at billie in an attempt to get out of the punishment. she replied by shaking her head slowly, biting down on her lip as she let her eyes travel over your body, eventually landing on the lacy panties you wore.

"y'look so sexy, mama," she groaned, letting go of your face to grab your hips. she walked toward you, resulting in your own feet taking you backward until the backs of your knees hit the couch and you were forced into a sitting position. billie quickly dropped to her knees, spreading your legs with her veiny hands as she settled herself in between them.

her eyes couldn't decide where to stay, dragging over every inch of your body hungrily as she ran her thumbs along the exposed skin of your thighs. before you could complain, she dipped her head low and began to trail kisses along your inner thigh, so close to where you wanted needed her the most.

as she dragged her tongue up your thigh. you gasped, hands moving around for something to grab onto. she chuckled softly at your reaction, hooking both of her index fingers in the waistband of your panties and slowly, teasingly sliding them off your thighs, legs, and then your ankles. a look of confusion masked your face as she held them for a few moments before tucking them into the back pocket of her baggy jeans, eyes darkening even further as she kept eye contact.

then her hands were back on your skin, the cool temperature of them causing you to shiver as she caressed your thighs once more. she scooted closer this time, licking her lips as she finally caught sight of how soaked you were, "need you, bils. fuck—need you s' bad,"

billie hummed in response, not wasting another second to run the tip of her tongue through your folds, starting at your entrance and stopping at your clit. she repeated the motion a few more times, pleased at the breathy gasps you gave her in return. her tongue dipped into your hole when she licked back down, moaning at your taste as her eyes fluttered shut.

a breathy moan sounded throughout the room as her tongue began to thrust in and out of your pussy, your hands finally finding home tangled in billies hair. your hips instinctively bucked against her tongue, head lolling back onto the cushions just as it did a few hours prior. she was better with her tongue than you were with your fingers, fuck, you could've came on the spot.

"mmh, taste s' good, y/n.." she groans, the words muffled by your pussy. the vibrations of her voice make you whimper, eyes squeezing shut as you feel her tongue delve deeper into you. when your thighs begin to close around her head, she pulls away. your immediate reaction is to whine, hands pulling her close to your core again.

billie slaps your thigh softly, a silent warning not to piss her off as she would only add on to the punishment. when she got close again, though, she spat right onto your clit and then began to rub her index and middle fingers in slow, tight circles, "feels good, huh?"

you only nod, smiling stupidly as you sigh, "yes, yes, fuck yes..!" a moan rips through your throat as she finally dips both of her fingers into your entrance, her pace immediately picking up. the wet squelching sound of your pussy fills the room and billies ears, and she whimpers at the sound.

she fucking whimpers and you think it's by far the hottest thing she's ever done while in between your legs. her eyes are closed, so focused on sucking your clit harshly as her fingers pump in and out of you. the way she whispers soft praises against your pussy drive you crazy, the vibrations just making the whole situation so good.

"'m'gonna cum, mommy—mhh, fuuck.. please? please, need—lemme cum?" your words are jumbled up versions of every sentence you replayed in your head, trying to pick out the best one in hopes that she would actually let you cum on her fingers and tongue. what you didn't expect her to do was continue, but this time curling her fingers each time she reached a certain depth and rubbed against your weak spot, "yeah, mhmm—right.. right there! fuck, please don't stop,"

you didn't care if you sounded desperate right now. you wouldn't deny that you weren't desperate because you were, you were so close to your release, and you needed it. badly. the orgasm that you gave yourself would never come close to the way billie made you cum. she was so skilled with her fingers and her tongue and just everything.

she couldn't take her eyes off your face. the way your nose scrunched up in the slightest and the way your pretty lips were left parted to let out those beautiful moans of yours. your eyelids struggled to stay open, and billie smirked against your heat. she added a third finger, and you almost came on the spot, eyes rolling back as you tugged on her hair harshly.

her moans fell right into your pussy, the feeling of your hands tugging at her black locks both painful and pleasurable, "fits jus' perfectly, mama. wish you could see how well you take me," she mutters, thrusting her fingers in deeper if that was even possible. the stretch stung, but it also felt like the best thing in the world, "c'mon, cum around my fingers, know you wanna."

that was all you needed to let go. the knot in your stomach finally snapped as your thighs trembled, subconsciously closing them as billie continued to thrust her fingers into you, this time at a softer and slower pace. your breathing was erratic, mumbling half-finished sentences and, of course, billies name.

she didn't stop even after you calmed down, though, quickening her pace once she knew you were fully aware of everything going on around you. your eyes rolled back again as you felt butterflies swarming in your stomach once again. the overstimulation only made your thighs shake more, your pussy clenching around her fingers as you tried to protest.

"take it." is all she says, leaning her head against your thigh as she smiled up at you. her thumb took place of her mouth, rubbing tight circles on your clit as her other fingers worked on fucking you hard and fast, "you wanna act like a needy slut? i'll treat you like one, baby." her words only added to your overstimulating pleasure, and now you didn't know what you were begging for.

a choked moan rips through your throat, and now you're releasing all over her fingers once again. your chest rises and falls with each heavy breath you take, body falling limp against the couch as your thighs tremble around your girlfriends head. when you've come down, she finally pulls her fingers out and sits herself next to you. you gasp when she pulls you onto her lap, her eyes hooded and her lip caught between her teeth.

"open," she whispers, her voice laced with seduction. and, so you do, sticking your tongue out and taking her three fingers into your mouth. you wrap your lips around her digits, reaching out to grab her forearm so that she won't pull away. your tongue moves in between her fingers like you did with your own an hour prior, eyes fluttering shut as you moan quietly, "there's my girl. so obedient."

you whine when she pushes her hips up against your exposed core, the feeling of the strap beneath her pants making you grind down on her jeans, "can i fit it in that tight pussy of yours?" she asks condescendingly, raising an eyebrow as she tilts her head to the side. you nod eagerly as your hands begin to work on her belt.

billie just smiles at your eagerness, pulling her fingers out of your mouth before she throws her shirt over her head. her lacy bra barely covers her tits, and you pause for a moment to stare. when she pushes her hips up again, you take the hint to finish what you've started and help her slide her jeans off.

they pool around her ankles, and you bite down on your lip at the size of the indigo strap. it wasn't like you hadn't taken it before. it was the question she had just asked you. before she could even speak again, you lined the dildo up with your entrance, sinking all the way down in one go. your head fell back, a guttural moan echoing in the room as you began to roll your hips slowly.

billie whined quietly at the way your pace picked up quickly, her eyes scanning every inch of your body with a look of hunger swirling in her pupils. her hands moved to your hips, guiding your movements as you bounced up and down on her lap, her cock filling you up perfectly, "jus' like that, yeah. shit, you look even better with my cock fillin' you up, princess."

the new pet name makes you shudder, head falling forward as your hands find their way on billies shoulders to stabilize yourself. your noises are quiet, whimpers and whines leaving you. your legs never stopped trembling even as you sunk all the way down. you cried out in pleasure as billie pushed her hips up, the strap hitting places your fingers could never.

you nod stupidly as her grip on your hips tighten, pulling you down on her strap harshly as you pick up your pace. the quiet whimpers your girlfriend lets out don't go unnoticed by you, a pleased smile taking over you face as you hide your face in the crook of her neck. your lips find her skin, kissing and sucking softly to create very visible marks.

"s' big, mommy—fuck." you moan against her neck, the knot in your stomach already beginning to tighten. it gets tighter each time she bats her eyelashes at you, it gets you so much closer whenever she even speaks a word to you. her lips just look so kissable and fuckable and—

you capture her lips in a hungry kiss. it's uncoordinated and sloppy due to the combined neediness of you both. billie smiles into the messy make-out session, practically devouring your face as she tilts her head to deepen the kiss. you're the first one to slide your tongue over her lips, silently asking for entrance, which she gladly accepts. your tongue explores her mouth, sometimes clashing with her own tongue in a fight for dominance. you have no idea how, but you win.

when you finally pull away, you drag her bottom lip out with your teeth. your eyes are looking straight into hers and, oh my gosh, she could cum from just that alone. a few more bounces on her cock and you're hips ate finally stuttering, struggling to keep up the pace you set as your grip on her shoulders tighten.

"bouncin' on my cock like such a slut, huh. bet you'd do this to any girl in your sight, right?" you shake your head the best you could, babbling something that sounded like, "no, only you." billie just scoffed, thrusting her hips up harder and faster as she holds your own. the slapping sound of skin echoes in the room, followed by the moans coming from your dry throat.

"cum," your chest heaves up and down, eyes squeezing shut as your body falls against hers. your orgasm hits you hard, and you swore you saw stars behind your eyelids as you rode out your high. billie smiles as she feels you fall limp against her, her hands coming to your back to pull you closer to her body, "did so good, mama,"

you nod weakly, eyelids ready to flutter shut once again as you hide your flushed face in her neck. when she thrusts her hips up again, you cry out, "but we're not done yet."

[jurijyuu]

Whiskey Lips

Human!Alastor x Reader

2.2K Words

Summary: Or the time you kissed your friend at a concert.

Tags: Modern AU, Second Person POV, Drunk Kisses, Unrequited Love (or is it?)

The loud blare of the music threatened to burst your eardrums but the buzz of the alcohol had long kicked in, slowly muffling the sound. The next band came up, a little known indie group with a couple of popular songs but after three similar bands this evening, you were tired and just ready to chill out in a corner on some overpriced booze. Some guy even started flirting with you, buying you a drink so he could try to charm you with his blue eyes and wispy blonde hair. 

Not exactly your type but cute enough. Too bad your friend Alastor had to ruin it.

“You suck as a wingman, you know that? You end up chasing away the guys cuz you’re too pretty.” You stood at the end of the bar, watching the blond weave through the crowd and disappear. 

“Darling, if seeing a prettier man makes him run away, then he isn’t worth your time.” Leaning on the newly vacated spot next to you, Alastor smirked, a light chuckle playing on that grin as he too watched the bodies pushing against each other to see the band. You didn’t blame them. The sound quality was terrible. There hadn’t been a single song who’s lyrics you actually understood. 

“He’s worth about $24 in drinks, so maybe 5 minutes of my time.” Blondie had bought you enough coke and whiskey that he turned from a 5 to a 6 in your eyes. Maybe a 7 if you finished this drink. As you tilted the cup to swallow the last of the bittersweet cocktail, a large hand blocked the rim.

“I think you’ve had plenty to drink if you think this is worth the risk of STDs and a handsy little humping.” Taking the glass in his pretty tapered fingers, he drank what was left.

“Maybe that’s what I was looking for?” You didn't really know what to expect when your neighbor turned friend had barged into your apartment earlier this evening and demanded you go out with him. Out of sheer boredom, the prospect of spending way too much money to listen to some unknown artists had been enticing enough. Though the first gust of cold wind almost had you turning back around, Alastor determinedly dragged you to the city and that was how you ended up here. Bored of the bands, sick of the bodies that kept pushing around you and now, you didn’t even have the prospect of going home with a cutie for the evening to make this excursion worth it.

“Oh, do forgive me for looking out for my drunk little friend then.” The sarcastic tilt of his smile turned more amused at your pouting. It would have been annoying if those lips didn’t shine with the remnants of your drink. Pretty privilege at its finest right there. You huffed.

“Seriously, Al. Why bring me out if you’re gonna cockblock me every time?”

“I just think you can do better than that guy, sweetheart.” Moving closer so he didn’t have to semi-yell every word, his voice dropped to his placating croon that he knew always worked on you.

“Hnnngh.” His smooth talk would have been nice, who didn’t like a compliment, after all? But it’s been years since anyone tried to hit on you and the attention was nice, especially since the guy had been pretty attractive. You gave your friend a side eye. Even in the dark, flashing pink and purple lights, couldn’t hide the occasional highlight of a sharp jawline or his tall slender frame. “You wouldn’t know. You have to fight off people from flirting with you.”

Alastor was a solid 8 on a normal day with his curly dark hair and sharp features softened by big expressive eyes and a smile that could sell toothpaste. He was the definition of tall, dark and handsome. Today, he was a 10, wearing a black wool suit jacket paired down with light blue jeans and a black v-neck shirt. With the multiple piercings in his ears, tussled brown locks and the eternally impish smile he had on, he attracted looks left, right and center.

“So you’re pent up, is that it?” He had the audacity to laugh. Prick. He strutted around looking like he did but never gave even an inkling of interest in anything sexual or romantic. Instead, he found amusement in hearing your failed romantic escapades and all the emotional toils people around him had for a problem he’d never experience.

“…” This close, you could smell the whiskey on his breath and the cologne he wore. Even that combination smelled sexy. He could bottle it up and sell it as incense the way it put you in a trance for just a second. You squinted at him. The room started to spin and he had that insufferable smirk on his face as his eyes looked down on you. Without thinking about it, you grabbed him, pulling him with enough force to bring his tall ass to your level so you could plant a kiss on his annoying lips. Your alcohol-addled mind thought it was a brilliant pay back for the opportunity he spoiled. Just a little kiss to wipe that stupid smile off his face. 

The sweet taste of Coca Cola and whiskey made for an intoxicating mix along with the soft plumpness of his lips. So soft and a little cold. Your tongue darted out to taste them without a second thought. He pushed back against your onslaught, lips more incessantly against you as something warm and a little slimy licked your lips in retaliation…and he was kissing back? HE WAS KISSING YOU BACK!? You stepped back in surprise, not expecting your intimacy-repulsed friend to do that, only to feel a warm hand at your waist keeping you in place.

“I’ll take that as your answer.” His voice took on a husky timber, the kind he used when he whispered mischief and snide comments in your ears when Karen from down the hall put up another complaint on the apartment’s group page. “Now, why don’t I help you, my darling?”

His smirk was shinier as he swooped back down and drowned you in the taste of whiskey and coke.

He pressed you against the poster-covered walls of the dingy concert venue, uncaring of the many other attendees pushing through the tight space, the yells to ‘get a room’, the envious stares. Even with the occasional shove against his back, he was careful not to crush you unless it was with his mouth. And his tongue. The garbled blares of the pop-punk band were garbled by the sounds of your heartbeat and the soft groans the brunette let out and your lips slotted against each other, tongues exploring, teeth nipping. And oh my god, the world was hot and spinning and all you saw were pretty honey eyes fogged in the same daze you were under, drunk on impulsive lust and…alcohol. 

Drunk?

All your senses seemed to come back to you then. Where you were, who you were with and why this was a bad idea. You pulled away and those honey eyes quirked with confusion, lips seeking to slot against yours again but you turned your cheek. “We—“ You had to clear your throat as those pretty lips made a light trail on the column of your neck that was left exposed to his gaze. “We shouldn’t…be kissing while drunk.” You shouldn’t have been kissing in general.

“What? Never kissed your friends before while a little intoxicated? I thought that’s what you girls do.” Sensing your rejection, he let up, leaning his forehead against yours while his lips teasingly hovered over your own. Even though he remained so close to you, breath still brushing against your face, the turn of the mood was immediate, coming back to the usual banter as Alastor’s momentary interest evaporated, though the smile on his lips remained shiny.

“You shouldn’t hold Katy Perry up as your model female.” 

He chuckled then and released you from the cage of his arms. You hadn’t noticed until they left how his hand had been pulling you closer through the waistband of your jeans. And now you felt cold, as he was so quick to pull away.

But as the presence of him around you lessened, you knew you made the right choice. Your heart was hammering in your chest, face flushed not just with the warmth of alcohol, but he looked like he couldn’t care less, easily slipping back to the teasing jerk he’d been before the little stunt you pulled. Ouch. It didn’t even take a couple of seconds for him to look uninterested.

To hide your disappointment, you stretched your neck, pretending to loosen your muscles with a nonchalant grin. It was only then that you noticed the sticky feeling of sweat on your back and your boobs, the temperature too hot within the room just from the sheer amount of packed bodies. And even hotter after what Alastor and you just did.

“Fuck it’s hot in here. I’ll go step outside for some air real quick.”

And he let you go, moving back to the bar to get a drink as he waved you off with a pinch to your cheek.

When the chilly night air finally had a chance to cool your overheated face, it chased away some of the lightheaded buzz. Fuck. What were you thinking, kissing your friend? Drunk kissing your hot as fuck friend? If it were any other guy, you would have been thrilled to make out with him, have a fun night and see where the morning went. But this was Alastor. A drunk Alastor. 

Your stepdad always said that two idiots made an accident and you two were very much too drunk for any decisions you made to be smart. It took over two years to build your friendship with him. The man was easily bored, snarky and a little mean but neighborly politeness turned to camaraderie against your HOA which turned into actual friendship. One of the few you had as an adult. You couldn’t afford to ruin things between you two, not for feelings that you shouldn’t have had in the first place.

It didn’t take long before more and more people started leaving. You checked your phone. When had it gotten so late? 

“Feeling better?” The smooth tone of his voice floated through the crowded area and you gave a drunken little nod, a sense of accomplishment and happiness bubbling up at yourself from preventing a disaster.

The bus ride home to the apartment complex was relatively normal, thank god. Except for how giddy you two were from drinking, it was like the kiss never happened. As easily erased as any semblance of interest he may have had with you but the sting of that faded the more dumb jokes this yapper of a man kept spouting. 

Even the quiet elevator ride in the claustrophobically small one your building had didn’t seem too bad. Just two drunk friends staring off into the not so far wall. Like this, you could pretend nothing happened, pretend you blacked some part of tonight out and go on without introducing awkward unrequited feelings into the mix. 

Alastor, as well as you two got along, was way out of your league. You glanced to the side where he leaned across the supporting bar on the elevator wall. Even just standing there, he exuded a mysterious grace that the bleak lighting of the old elevator couldn’t wash out. Pretty, witty and charming. You were lucky to be his friend. You were lucky he took that kiss in stride.

Maybe you could laugh about it with him some day. Probably tomorrow, if he ever brought it up.

The elevator dinged, signaling his stop and the best time for you to put down any musings about what-ifs and all that. Whatever devil possessed the man to kiss you back wouldn’t be there when the alcohol was gone and his general disinterest in relationships and intimacy returned.

“Good night!!” You chirped as he walked out with his signature grin and a two-fingered salute. As the elevator door closed, you let go of the small disappointments within your heart, closing the box on your unrequited feelings before they ruined everything for you. Already, serenity seemed to come over you as you made peace with your stupid mistake for the evening. You’ll apologize too if he ends up mad at you in the morning.

*Thump*

A sound caught your lazy attention as a hand stuck through the almost closed gap of the doors, forcing them to open again as Alastor’s figure squeezed through.

You didn’t get a chance to even ask why before broad palms cupped your cheeks and honey eyes locked on your own, his smile gone into a serious line. Shit. Did his common sense kick in already? Was he mad?

“You said, no kissing while drunk, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Then I’m very sober, sweetheart.”

For a second time that evening, you found yourself pressed between a wall and Alastor’s lips.

[grumpygwen23]

Twenty One Pilots hot take this, Twenty One Pilots hot take that…I want to hear y’all’s Twenty One Pilots stories and journeys. Is this because I want to share mine? Yes. Is that self-indulgent? Yes, but who cares.

Listen. I started listening to Twenty One Pilots almost exactly 10 years ago, right before Blurryface came out. My first concert was at the Quiet is Violent tour and I’ll never forget the feeling. I was 16 and moody at the time and despite how much I loved Vessel, I was obsessed with Regional at Best, Self Titled, and best of all, No Phun Intended. At the time, it was at least partially a pride thing, preferring their earlier music, but more than anything those songs spoke to me in a way nothing else did.

I loved Blurryface when it came out, and when Stressed Out started playing on the radio, I’m still proud to say I didn’t jump on the “overhyped” train. Obviously I hadn’t been around since the beginning, so I had no claim on Twenty One Pilots in any way, but it was still exciting and I felt proud of “my boys” in a way every time I heard it on the radio.

I went to my second show on the Emotional Roadshow tour in early 2016, right before I graduated high school. At the end of the show, Tyler said “we made it, we survived,” and I’ve held onto that with a vice grip ever since.

I went to my third show on the Trench tour in 2018 in the cheapest seats possible. Literally my back was against a wall. But it was spiritual in a way no other show has been.

After Trench came out though, I lost track of the plot. I honestly haven’t listened hardly at all to Scaled and Icy or Clancy yet. I know it wasn’t for the reason of “they’re too big now” or “the music is too poppy” because I’m still proud of them and so glad that others have found meaning and purpose in their music. For a long time, I didn’t know why I didn’t get back on with their music. Hell, I could barely even relisten to the older stuff. And I couldn’t figure out why (and honestly, didn’t think about it much).

Until this past week. See, I got my younger brother and sister hooked on Twenty One Pilots when I was in high school/college. They just went to their first concert and I’m so happy that they got to experience that. My brother has been badgering me for the past year to get onto listening to the new music and for some reason there was a wall there.

But a couple of days ago I started back at the beginning and listened to No Phun Intended and Self Titled. And every single song brought me back to being 16 again. I haven’t felt so viscerally reminiscent? Healed? I don’t know how to describe it. But I realized why I couldn’t listen to them before. Because for so many years, I was still on the slow slope of getting better. Backsliding constantly and hating myself because it felt like every time I thought I was getting better, I was back to where I started. And those songs made me feel so heavily, that it was like I was back there again. And the new stuff, with the Clancy storyline, it felt like a transition to healing that I wasn’t ready for yet. I was stuck in between, not wanting to slide backwards and not ready to move forwards.

But I can listen to those songs again, and by god it made me cry. I listen to Goner and remember teaching it to myself on the piano and screaming the lyrics in an empty house. But I don’t feel gone anymore.

10 years ago, I listened to Friend, Please and sang it to myself in the mirror because I felt like I had no one to say those words to me except Tyler Joseph. Yesterday, I sang along to it and for the first time didn’t feel like I was begging myself.

9 years ago, I sang along to Fairly Local and was stuck in the first verse. Yesterday, I sang along to it and was able to sing the second verse and believe it the first time.

5 years ago, I got a tattoo with my younger sister that says “Peace will win, Fear will lose” in my handwriting and hers. Yesterday, I realized that peace really has won.

I’m still not perfect. I still struggle. But I’ve grown a lot, and Twenty One Pilots has been there the whole time, even when I couldn’t handle hearing it.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m trying to say here. But to whoever else has listened to Twenty One Pilots for years and is also on their healing journey, I love you. To whoever has just started listening to them and has found an outlet and a resonance during tough times, I love you. To everyone in between, I love you.

Now, I’m finally working my way through the albums and catching up with the storyline, and I’m excited to keep seeing this through to the end.

All that to say: we made it. We survived.

[samsm2mstories]

My coming out story.

I thought I should share you my story about coming out which was actually recently.

For many years I had a lot of suppressive issues that were out of my hands, society, cultures and other reasons which meant for me it wasn't the right time. Luckily for some countries it's easily being who you are compared to 10-20 years ago. The world sucks still as there are homophobic idiots everywhere, some are just sore losers who got not respect in society while others just don't know any better as their upbringing wasn't teaching them to respect others.

Luckily enough I live in the UK and we as a country have got better even although the early / mid 1900s generation are still hard at adapting to the modern world. It's not their fault as their times were different. Religion, society didn't know much better but that's history as we are the ones that living in this world and will be the ones moving forward. Some people will never understand it and respect it.

I'm lucky to come out around great people, I am a very well respected in person and in general a natural born leader so you could say I was like a captain that was popular which made my coming out harder.

Some of you might be thinking now does it become easier to come out as your identity?

I believe it's can depends on a number of reasons. You got to truly believe that you are who you are.

Don't question it.

If you question yourself, don't come out as that's a sign you are not ready. Talk to your friends, talk to strangers who are gay online (be safe not to disclose personal information)

I will admit I sat in my chair for a few good hours debating how to come out. I decided to go for it and do it in one big statement. That's a strong trait of mine as you all can tell on here.

I needed to write my story in a way that it wouldn't offend people, I did mention about the industry that was homophobic, some of my family and school.

It was that second most nervous point in coming out, just posting/saying it. I thought about listening to a few songs that were a big part of my life, thinking about those moments where sometimes I should of come out earlier to enjoy those moments.

You know what, I don't regret it at all, yes I missed out on some years but I had a brilliant life, travelling the world, experiencing new cultures, and making amazing friends on the way.

It did take a toll on my mental health at times but being the strong person I am, I dealt with it quickly enough.

So that night I sat there and my song came along.

Starship: Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now (read the lyrics while listening to this song)

You know this was a song of mine but the words in it made me realised I want to go out there and enjoy myself.

I finally did it.....

Those nerves, stomach turning inside out, emotions running wild. It all hit me like a ton of bricks.

What will people think?

What will people say?

Will I lose some friends??

Everything was rushing in and out of my mind, I just went to bed, signed out of social media. I recommend you doing this for a day or two as you want to feel the response in one go.

People started to message me, those who had my mobile number. It became a bit easier, I wasn't in the mood for talking much so I text back in small sentences.

I went to work that day and luckily enough nobody there is on my social media pages. I managed to complete 8/10 hours of my shift.

I went home and cried for abit, emotions still hitting me like bullets. You will have moments thinking was this right but deep down you know you are right.

I decided to look at my social media pages.

The final verdict?

I'm finally a free man.

For those who are younger, there shouldn't be anyone under the age of 18 reading my stories as they are explicted but if you are reading this.

For you coming out would be different, I would recommend you do it now when the moment is right but take into consideration your family. Make sure you won't be disowned or kicked out of the house. Have a read-up online about it all and PLEASE RESEARCH EVERYTHING.

We all have different circumstances and you must be completely assured that coming out will be good when the moment is right..

Yes some might not agree with it.

Yes some might hate you now.

Yes some might be shocked and haven't replied.

Who cares????

This is your life so go out there and enjoy it, be safe while at it. Please use protection during sex with strangers.

Remember if you ever feel I doubt or want to talk, there's helplines, friends in the community, even send me a text if you want to talk more.

Don't be afraid to talk.

I hope you all enjoyed this irl story and it would be amazing if some of you reply to this about your coming out stories. It would make a brilliant discussion.

For those who are unsure on their sexuality, speak to me or other members of the community. Talking helps to make a decision. You will feel much better.

Sam your favourite Alpha writer 😎

[colorisbyshe]

June Monthly Music: Half Way Through Edition

Music released before June 13th because WOW this month is stacked and this post is already this big this early!

Kaytranada came out with a new album--"Wasted Words (ft Thundercat)" has hilarious lyrics, "Weird (ft Durand Bernarr)" scratches an itch if you miss Azealia's vocalizations but can't listen to her for obv reasons, "Snap My Fingers (ft Pinkpantheress)" is bouncy and sweet, and "Still (ft Charlotte Day Wilson)" is a pleasant ache of a song. Not a groundbreaking album but reliable and solid.

"Drip Sweat" is my fave off that album, which is why it gets its own line. Very hypnotic, like being tugged into a dark corner at the club for some privacy.

After years away, Foster the People are back with a whole entire new sound. "Lost in Space" is... confusing at first but it kinda makes me think of Katamari Damacy... so I like it. I do not know if it's good, I am prejudiced. (Supermodel was one of my fave albums of all time.)

If you enjoy music from The Sims, yes, the game, give "Open World" by Toconoma a shot. A bit funkier, less perfect for constant looping but it's a purely instrumental song capable of invoking the same joy as booting up the game and hearing creation mode.

NGL, the singles were bangers, but I kinda feel... underwhelmed by the Charli XCX album (didn't think it was bad, just overhyped) but of the new tracks I really dug "Sympathy is a Knife," "Talk Talk," and "365." Bonus tracks are fun tho, "Springbreakers" is my fave.

Raveena's collab wiith JPEGMAFIA, "Junebug," is a sprawling river of champagne through a land of glistening sands and bubbling clouds.

"New Way Out" by Poppy is for those of you who want a song that feels like a re-imagining of Evanescence's "Going Under" by BMTH.

"Balloon in Love" by Sunmi is... cute. I love Sunmi but it's just fine. Worth a try.

"I Am the King" Fat Dog. This track FEELS like an interlude but in a way that makes you feel transient as well. Time is escaping, this song is escaping, you are escaping.

Peggy Gou released her first album and while none of it is as classic as her earlier track, "Starry Night," I do think if you like groovy dance music, "1+1=1," "All that (ft Villano Antillano), and "I Believe in Love Again" are worth checking out!

BREE RUNWAY IS BACK! "JUST LIKE THAT" IS WAY TOO SHORT BUT IF YOU LIKE MISSY ELLIOT, CHECK OUT THIS ELECTRIFYING TRACK.

"She a Wolf" Wayv. Fuck SM but this track does kinda go off. This is a song that would be fun as hell in an arena setting.

Glass Animal's "A Tear in Space" is a massive improvement over the lead single for their upcoming album. Still a step below their older stuff but if you were scared off from the last single, maybe give the a second chance.

"MPH" Doechii. High energy and it is, in fact, givin 'em cunt.

Music I vibed with this month regardless of release date:

"Good Club" Prince Club. Deep house track.

"The Feeding" Real Farmer. Punk, indie rock.

"The Bitch" Basic Element. I laugh-cry at the lyrics every time.

"Moonraker" Enth. Anime-ass song. Fun Jrock that you can imagine an anime character running through grass to.

"Opheliac" Emilie Autumn. Not for everyone but it was for me in middle school <3

"Jaded" Spiritbox. If you liked the Poppy track, come here.

"Make Love" Daft Punk. Transcendent.

NOW ITS YOUR TURN CAN SOMEONE RECOMMEND ME NON-ENGLISH MUSIC, PREFERABLY NOT KPOP (I LISTEN TO ENOUGH DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME)

Any genre works besides like... ballads... or screamo without a balancing melodic voice in the mix. Please. Anons, replies, whatever welcome

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - fourteen | calendar man

You sat at the table and continued to work your way through the music you had been tasked to transcribe over the past few weeks.

“Hey, t/n.” Maddox asked as he walked over. 

You paused the song you were working on and pulled one of your earbuds out. “What’s up?”

“Do you need any help?”

“With this? I thought you couldn’t transcribe music.”

“I mean like, do you need more sheet paper or maybe some nicer headphones?”

You hummed to yourself. “Studio headphones would be nice. I might be missing some notes because of the quality of these earbuds.”

He smiled and nodded. “I’m sure I can find you a spare.”

“Um… also, if you have any of the iso layers of any of these songs, that would be really helpful. Some of the earlier ones have been mixed into oblivion.”

You heard a scoff and you and Maddox looked over at Hongjoong. He was standing at the whiteboard calendar that hung on the wall, looking from his phone to the board as he worked out the recording schedule for the next month.

“Those should be from when the producer I replaced worked here.” He stated flatly.

“Not a fan of his mixing style?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“I guess that explains why Wonderland’s style suddenly changed a few years ago.”

Hongjoong looked at you.

You shrugged. “For the better.”

He nodded and turned back to organizing the schedule.

“I’ll look for those headphones.” Maddox said and left the room for, you presumed, a storage room or something.

You went to put the earbuds back in.

“You really want those to come out right.” Hongjoong said without looking up from what he was doing.

You toyed with the earbud for a second. “I mean, of course. I’m being paid to make sure they’re right, aren’t I?”

Hongjoog looked at you for a moment.

You nodded.

“The mixing really is bad in some of the earlier songs, right?”

You smiled. Of course the thing he would talk to you about would be music production. “Yeah. Bed of Roses is kind of a mess, and Poor Young Man is even worse. Which is a pity because, lyrically, they’re good songs.”

He nodded. “Do you have experience mixing?”

“I make mashups and post them online. Sort of… a side thing and lets me play with music since I don’t have a band or anything right now, and I get to work with a lot of different genres and even mash some together. It’s fun.”

He nodded with an expression that you thought, maybe, looked impressed.

Maddox came back in. “Here are the headphones.”

“Oh, thanks.” You took them and plugged them into the music player.

“I’ll look for the masters for songs and put them on a laptop for you.”

You nodded. “Thanks.”

He nodded and sat at the desk.

You worked for an hour or so when you felt there was a presence near you.

“T/n.”

You looked up. 

Hongjoong was standing next to the table with his arms folded. 

You took your headphones off. “Am I in trouble?”

“No. I wanted your opinion on a bassline.”

Your eyebrows ticked up. “Oh. Um, yeah.”

You stood and followed him over to the desk where he sat and gestured to you to sit in Maddox’s seat. You sat and rolled closer so you could look at the screen.

Hongjoong played the bassline for you and you listened.

“Hmm…”

“Is it bad?”

“Well…”

“Please be honest.”

“So it’s not… good.”

He stared at you blankly.

“It’s bad.”

“Well,” he sighed. “You have your bass, show me what you would do.”

“Should I take an amp out of the recording booth?”

“You can just go in.”

“Oh… yeah, okay.”

You picked up your bass and walked into the recording booth. You weren’t nervous at all during your audition - maybe it was because you realized you were being tested and you were so annoyed that that feeling overrode everything else - but you were nervous now. Maybe because this was your first time playing for your job? The expectation of having to rise to the occasion? Especially after telling Hongjoong his bassline sucked. But you couldn’t let that affect you.

“Can you play it through the headphones?”

“Yes I can.” Hongjoong pressed a few buttons and navigated with his mouse. “I’m going to start recording, and you can just play whenever you’re ready.”

You nodded as you put the headphones on. You listened to the MIDI loop a few times and turned your pick over in your hand as you did so, eyes closed. You nodded along with the beat until you understood how you wanted to change it and started playing. 

You played what you thought fit well. To you, the other instruments needed to be elevated, and you played a bassline that you felt could do that. You played it over when the loop restarted, altering it subtly for a later part of the song.

The loop stopped. You stopped.

“Wow,” Hongjoong’s voice came over the PA speaker. “That was… lush, fully formed.”

You nodded.

“How long have you been playing bass for?”

“Since I was seventeen? So almost ten years now.” 

He nodded. “No wonder you’re so good.”

You smiled. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

“And you’ve only ever played bass?”

“No. I also play guitar and mandolin. I used to play violin and I can play a little piano.”

“You can play violin?”

“Used to. I don’t anymore.”

He nodded, he looked a little disappointed.

“Well, I think for future bass lines I’m just going to have you write them. Even if they get translated into MIDI afterwards.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You build a solid foundation for everything else in a song to rest on.”

You nodded.

“Come back out.”

You unplugged your bass and walked back to the other side of the glass.

“I think I’ll just defer to you on anything involving a bassline. Do you think you can handle it?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I think I can.”

He smiled. “Good, because the first round of recording is going to start soon.” He leaned over to the wall and gestured. “This is the calendar.”

You nodded.

“It has a twin--” He went to the computer, opened the Google Calendar that matched it exactly and added you. “And now you can also see it.”

You nodded.

He looked at you very seriously.

You looked back.

“I am the only one who is allowed to change either calendar, okay?”

You nodded.

“At one point, we let whoever change them, and there was a lot of fighting with people trying to put their recording times at the same time and erasing each other,” he waved a hand around, “it was a mess. If you want to change your schedule at any time, contact me and I’ll make the changes.”

You nodded again.

“I’ll change it, take a picture for posterity, and change the Google Calendar as well. Okay?”

“Gotcha.” You nodded. “You’re the man of the calendar, the Calendar Man.”

“Truly, Batman’s worst villain.” Maddox said.

Hongjoong frowned at him. Maddox smiled.

With a little laugh, you took your phone out and opened the calendar. You couldn’t see the full list of people it had been shared with, but the max amount of icons was displayed; it was probably every recording artist who ever used this studio. 

There was a lull of just a week, and then it was packed. You looked at the names of the people who were supposed to be recording.

“Does everyone have a comeback at once?”

“Some do. A few of the older performers are doing their military service soon, so they need to record now or they won’t have enough time to finish a comeback before leaving. Yoo Haeun and Kim Minjun are overdue for a comeback so they’re actually going to do a joint comeback because the fans wanted it, and some of the soloists have been waiting to make comebacks.”

“I see Choi Jongho is on here a few times?”

“He’s working on his next album.”

You nodded.

“And since he sings ballads which are backed by a band, you’ll be playing bass on all his tracks.”

Your eyebrows shot up. It made sense but you didn’t think it would be so soon.

“Do you think you’re ready?”

You looked up at him. You couldn’t tell if you were being tested again or if he was genuinely concerned. 

“I don’t have much of a choice, no? I accepted the job, so I have to be ready.” You smiled at him.

He smiled, satisfied, and nodded. “Alright.”

  previous | main cast | masterlist | next

Send an ask or leave a comment if you want to be added to the tag list! 🎵

luvvvx • iamthehotdemon • 

[welcometohell09]

I've come to the conclusion that Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (Set it Off) is actually really fucking musically interesting, regardless of the sheer cringe that overcomes people when they hear the opening chords and enter a state of horrified flashback.

(Really I think the 'cringe' associated with nightcore and those kinds of animatics are just more teenage-girl-hating nonsense, because as far as phases go, it's a pretty good one; it's almost, for some people, the first kind of musical subculture they know because it's the first time they're able to deviate from the set songs of their childhood and family to listen to their own music. Looking back to your nightcore phase with nothing but disgust and cringe only hurts you in the long run because if you're constantly scared you'll be cringe one day, you'll never be able to express yourself in a way that feels emotionally authentic and you'll never grow as much as a result.

This is Tumblr, though, so I'm preaching to the converted here, and it's a conversation for another post.)

But holy shit, that song is SO MUCH BETTER, musically, than it has any right to be. The use of two emotionally/musically contrasting bridges coming in quick succession before that final chorus? Inspired. You start listening to the first bridge, and you're like 'yeah, ok, we're at that part of the song now', and it's that Slightly Annoying Contrasting Section that lampshades the limited emotional range of the rest of the song, and we're going to be smooth and flowing here because it's about the potential for forgivene- hOly hEll WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT. Because suddenly, out of nowhere, there's a SECOND BRIDGE. And it's VERY DIFFERENT.

And your sense of tonal stability is ripped away by the lack of continuous chords as you grapple with not having constant support from the backing, and the vocalist is yelling about wanting to kill someone, and the whiplash is real, because it's a complete 180 from earlier and it came out of nowhere. You expected it to transition smoothly back into the chorus like every other song that does the same thing. By the time the 'burn in hell' bit comes, you're grasping for anything with a tonal/emotional centre to tell you what to expect.

And then the chorus hits again, but better.

You've found that tonal/emotional centre that you were looking for, but it feels so different than before. The texture of the chords is different, and you're sort of wrapped up in them, and you suddenly fully realise how emotionally cathartic the chords themselves are, with the constant building tension and release. The lyrics now have new meaning; the 'so tell me' is contextualised, now, by all the anger and hurt of the vocalist, and it means so much more. It almost seems more like they're begging for an answer, even if it still retains traces of that mocking, taunting tone from the other choruses. It really feels like that point in an argument when someone has just thrown their (metaphorical) cards down on the table and is looking the other person in the eye and daring them to tell them how they should feel, how they should react. It's so perfect for what the song is, and it's well supported by the musicality of the piece and the emphasis of the lyrics ('so tell me how you're sleeping easy, how you're only thinking of yourself').

But all of that was enabled by the composer's use of structure; the complete emotional recontextualisation of that chorus takes the piece to a completely new emotional plane, which is simultaneously more vulnerable and more cutting.

Like, damn. That's some good shit right there.

[sad-sweet-cowboah]

hello! I have an Arthur x female! reader request 💕

could i request Arthur and reader being close friends, harbouring feelings for one another but both too shy to make the first move? but they’re sitting around the campfire while others are distracted and drinking and they keep making little fluffy moves like smirking at one another or touching knees or staring at one another? maybe sharing a drink and touching hands? Just all the fluff lol

love your stuff btw!

Whispered With The Flames

Warnings: Use of alcohol, Arthur being self-deprecating, but otherwise fluff

Word Count: 2,449

A/N: Hey look! I AM STILL ALIVE, I promise! My life has been hectic these past few months but I've been working on this one in between crazy events. It's very cute!! And Happy Valentine's Day!!

Amber flames crackled and danced against an inky black sky, almost as if to the sweet rhythm and strum of Javier’s guitar. The outlaw sung a tune that was unfamiliar to you; lyrics laced in Spanish and a softer melody. Regardless, it was comforting to listen to. Even when the world around wanted to banish you and your friends and family from existence, there were still moments of paradise. 

Your body swayed gently with the song, a small smile on your face as you fell deeper to its entrancing sound. The others were milling about, sharing merry drinks and laughter. The night was full of lightheartedness, which was a rarity these days. It was just you, Abigail, and Mary-Beth enjoying Javier’s talent.

Footsteps caught your attention, and out of the corner of your eye, you could see Arthur Morgan’s figure step over the same log you were sitting at, just to take a seat of his own with ample space between you. He caught your eye and offered you a half-smile before taking a swig from an amber bottle. You reciprocated, wishing you had a second bottle as you’d long since downed the first. 

As if he read your mind, he held up a second to you, completely full and the cap off. You blinked in surprise and took it, taking a quick swig of your own. “Thank you,” you say, reveling in the bitter taste. 

He nodded slightly, “Thought I’d bring ya one, since ya look a little lonely over here.” 

You softly giggled. “Lonely I ain’t,” you tilted your head to the other three. “Just enjoying the music.” 

Arthur hummed in response, turning his head to peer over at Javier. He didn’t say anything further, seemingly letting himself become wrapped in the tune. 

And the four of you sat for a few moments longer, completely silent and just enjoying the music. With every drink of beer, you began to feel your body grow warmer despite the heat of the campfire. Another moment passed by before Javier finally stopped, placing his guitar down. He was the first to get up, heading towards the others, possibly in pursuit of a drink of his own. 

Mary-Beth left soon after, and Abigail was the last, mumbling about tracking down Jack to put him to bed. 

You and Arthur were the only ones left, staring into the ever-dancing flames. It wasn’t terribly often you found yourself alone with him, but you did enjoy his company regardless. Those moments when he came out of his shell led to the best conversations. 

He shifted out of the corner of your eye, taking another swig of his now almost empty beer bottle. With a long gulp he polished it off, dropping it at his feet. He gave a sigh and leaned back, turning his attention to you. 

You met his gaze evenly, offering him a small smile. His blue eyes were alight in the fire, such kind and beautiful windows to his mysterious soul. Admittedly you’d grown fond of him, as gruff as he could be. 

“Get anything good today?” 

Blinking in confusion for a half-second, you reminded yourself of the little journey you had earlier that day. Usually, you were gung-ho about stagecoach heists and homestead looting, but instead you took it easy and gathered other useful supplies. An hour out on the Dakota River to fish, followed by some herb picking in the surrounding area. With the gang slowly getting back to its feet, you were nothing short of helpful where you could be. 

“Sure did! That salmon I saw you gobbling down over there, that’s all me,” you said with a grin, throwing up your thumb toward yourself. 

“Impressive,” he commented. “Damn tasty morsel that was,” he took another swig. “Wish I could get somethin’ that great.” 

You cocked your head slightly. “What do you mean?” 

“Ah,” he leaned back for a stretch. “Fishin’ ain’t one of my strong suits, neither is huntin’, really.” 

“You?” you scoffed dramatically, pinning your fists to your waist. “Did I not hear about you coming back and killing that Grizzly that you and Hosea tracked down?” 

Arthur merely shrugged. “Hosea did most of the work, he found the beast after all.” 

“But you killed it!” you added. “One man against a big ol’ bear that probably murdered a dozen men before you. That ain’t something to turn your cheek on, Arthur Morgan.” 

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head and turning his attention toward the flickering flames once again. For a half-second, you could have sworn you’d seen a saddened expression. You bit back a sigh, knowing all too well this man refused to give himself credit. He could deliver a suckling pig on a gold platter and still would deflect the praise. 

“Arthur?” 

He peered over to you again. 

You reached over, placing your hand on his shoulder. He glanced down at your hand briefly, then giving you a look of mild confusion. 

“You’re a good man,” you say to him. 

He opened his mouth to immediately deject, but you cut him off. 

“No, stop that,” you lightly chided. “You proved it many times over, even when you don’t think so.” 

Whatever response he’d originally intended turned into a sigh. His head hung slightly. “I dunno ‘bout that.” 

“Well a lot of us do,” you affirmed, removing your hand to automatically rest atop his, which was on his knee. “Me, especially.” 

You’d never truly admit the hidden, yet growing, feelings you had for this misunderstood, convoluted man. Hell, you wouldn’t ever be this brave if it hadn’t been for the alcohol coursing through your veins. 

He gazed at you steadily and wordlessly, thoughts drifting from behind those blue eyes as if he were contemplating on what to say next. He then clicked his teeth and hung his head again. “Ah, I know you’re jus’ bein’ nice.” 

“Nice!” you exasperated into a laugh. “Arthur, if I didn’t feel that way then I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you all this!” 

His head lifted a touch, allowing just his eyes to be seen. He gave you a look of curiosity. “Feel what way?” 

You froze suddenly, just now realizing how that must’ve sounded to him. Your eyes darted to your hands, fidgeting with the bottle before anxiously taking a drink, hoping more booze would soothe the nerves. “Uh,” you began, quickly attempting to feign a response. “Feeling that...you’re a damn good asset to this gang, ya know?” you weakly stated, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. 

Arthur shifted on the log, and you could have sworn he twisted to face you a little straighter.  The expression he held was more focused onto you, tilting his head like a curious dog. “That’s a terrible lie,” he pointed out, a low chuckle toning his voice. You knew damn well he wasn’t talking about the words you uttered. 

Your lips pursed for a second before you downed the rest of the beer. “It’s true, so many people here look up to you.” 

“And you, especially,” he added, repeating your earlier statement. “Why’s that?” 

Your cheeks burned and you dropped the bottle, allowing it to roll from your feet towards the campfire. You silently damned yourself for having said anything at all, but it would have come to the surface sooner rather than later. “Cause...” you stretched your leg to toe at the bottle, avoiding his eyes in the process. “Cause you’re a better guy than you think you are,” your hand resting against the log began to twitch and fiddle. 

“You said that already,” he simply pointed out, his eyes drifting toward your restless appendage. “Look, I might be ugly n’ nasty, but I’m smart ‘nough to know when someone’s fibbin’.” 

You knew that, of course you did. How many times have you witnessed men crack under his interrogation? You sighed heavily, realizing you’d backed yourself too far into a corner. The fire burned hellishly hot against your cheeks. There was no way out now. “Well, maybe…” you hesitated, trying to form words. “Maybe I just might see you as something…special,” you finally mumbled, quickly averting your eyes. 

Silence. With each passing second, your regret expanded ridiculously fast. You should have said nothing, perhaps feigned exhaustion and excused yourself back to your bedroll. His lack of response made it all that worse. 

“S-sorry,” you stuttered, moving to get up and march straight across camp to die from embarrassment. 

Just as you shifted, however, he spoke. 

“Wait,” 

You did so. Heart hammering, you peered over at him. 

He was staring at you with an expression you couldn’t recognize. He uttered your name in such a soft tone that it surprised you. 

“Yes?” you said cautiously. 

There was a change. A subtle, yet noticeable shift in his demeanor. “You...you think o’ me as...?” 

“Something....special,” you repeated slowly, your stomach in knots. “M-more than you know...” 

He uttered a single huff, the corner of his mouth playing into a small smile. “I figured as much.” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Why do you say that?” 

“Ain’t hard to guess, and I ain’t stupid,” he pointed out. “Ever since Karen teased ya that one day after we came back from a job, and you couldn’t stop blushin’,” he chuckled slightly. “Lookin’ like a little schoolgirl tryna hide your face and denyin’ it.” 

You turned your head away, your own cheeks betraying you once again. “Oh...” the shame began to flare again. What could you even say to that? He knew all this time and never once said anything. Did that make it uncomfortable for him? Every encounter with him will be awkward now. 

“Why fall for an ugly ol’ man like me?” he asked quietly. 

That prompted you to look right at him. You truly hated the way he demeaned himself, and wanted to scold him every time for such, but avoided it simply because you were afraid to reveal your true feelings. Now that the cat was out of the bag, what else was there to stop you. 

“Arthur Morgan,” you started with a hard tone. “Stop calling yourself that!” 

“Wh—”

“Arthur,” you interjected. “I don’t know why you insist on believing such foolishness. You’re smart, willing, and such a gentleman—and handsome!” You fought to keep your voice from raising too loudly, lest you caught unwanted attention. “You’re easily one of the best men around!” 

“I don’t know ‘bout that,” he sighed. “I’m an outlaw, if that ain’t already obvious.” 

You rolled your eyes. “That ain’t your personality all the time, Arthur. You’re nothing but nice to me, helpful, and so sweet. And I see all them women lust after you, it’s not hard to see why. I...” want to be sweet on you.  The words never left the tangles of your mind. 

His gaze fell away, lingering on the fire for a long moment. Perhaps you’d gone too far at this point, admitting far more than what you thought was comfortable for both parties. Finally, he spoke. 

“Always thought a good woman was too good for me,” he sighed lightly. “That I would never be the man a woman would wanna marry.” 

You knew he was close to marrying once, to a woman that stole and shattered his heart. You heard from the whispers of the other girls at camp, and even caught Hosea mentioning it once or twice. That was to the extent of your knowledge, though you often wondered, what kind of woman would break his heart? 

“Now I ain’t oblivious to their advances, aside from ladies of the night,” he chuckled to himself. “Could never see why, desperation? I dunno,” he shook his head. “Ain’t ever expected it from you.” 

You pursed your lips once again. After having to practically pour your heart out to him just moments before, you weren’t exactly sure what to say next. 

Arthur didn’t wait for a response. “At least, not mutually,” he finally murmured. 

Those words shocked you. A bolt of electricity struck on the top of your head to surge through your blood, igniting your heart, pounding so damn loudly you were sure the whole camp would hear. 

“Wh-what?” 

His eyes locked to yours, full of intensity that was absent before, speaking your name with such intimacy that only led your heart to skip a beat. 

“You’re special...to me,” he said slowly. “More than I’d care to admit...” he reached up to take his hat off, running his fingers through his honey-tinged locks. “N’ I thought I was a fool for thinkin’ that way, why would someone like you—” 

“Arthur,” you said his name, plainly and clearly, enough for him to stop. 

“You’re not a fool,” you assured him, giving him a warm smile and dared to reach for his free hand, and he let you. It was large and adorned with the worn leather of the rifleman gloves, but warm. Warm and comforting. You laced your fingers between his, with a realization of how perfectly they interlocked with one another. “As I’ve said, you’re special to me, too.” 

His grip, limp at first slowly began to reciprocate the affection with a small squeeze. A smile curved into his lips, a soft and sweet smile that made your heart flutter. “Maybe I ain’t after all,” he chuckled lowly. “Thought I was outta luck for a long time, ya know. ‘Least until you came along. Don’t know how ya did it, but you made me see somethin’ that I ain’t seen for myself in a very long time.” 

Your smile widened at his words. It felt like a dream to sit here with him, listening to how he felt about you...hell, you’ve dreamed about this moment for a while and yet never assumed it would come into fruition. Until now, it seemed like Arthur was “untouchable”, someone where the odds of pigs flying sooner than becoming sweet with. 

Well, you’d have to look for flying pigs then. 

“Hope I didn’t sound like a fool jus’ now,” Arthur spoke again in the absence of your response. A twinge of nervousness shadowed his face. 

“No,” you said, scooting a little closer to him. “What you said is all perfect, Arthur. I’m...so glad you feel the same way. I was worried I’d feel like a fool myself.” 

Arthur chuckled with a shake of his head, moving slightly closer to you while still holding your hand. “Guess we’re a pair of fools then,” he joked, his gaze softening. 

“If it means being by your side, I’ll gladly be a fool,” you giggled, your head starting to replay daydreams you’ve had with him, only now, you had a chance to act them out. 

Tonight truly was a paradise.

[nonsubstantial]

MARCH 2024 DIARY POST

I'm keeping up the habit of writing a monthly post to catalogue all the things I've been obsessed with in 2024. At the end of the year, I want to be able to look back and remember what was making me happy all year long! If you are reading this, I hope you will enjoy hearing about these things or checking them out too! First, a chaotic collage of those things!

VIDEO GAME: As you may already know, Splatoon is probably my favorite video game franchise of all time. I really cannot overstate how important it is to me. Naturally, I was highly anticipating its new singleplayer DLC, titled Side Order, but when it finally came out at the end of February, my elbow was fractured in a way that made it painful for me to play. So, I had to wait until about a week into March for my elbow to heal a little. Then, I spent about 10 hours obsessively playing it, and I loved pretty much every second of it. It featured by far the most difficult levels ever seen in a Splatoon game, which was a treat to me as a player who was disappointed by the rather simplistic story mode of the base game. Splatoon 3: Side Order took the form of a roguelite battle tower, similar to Salmon Run but with new enemies, unique (and sometimes puzzling) stages, and customizable weapon builds. Even players who find it a bit too challenging at first can eventually mod the difficulty to an extent that (hopefully) makes it doable. The story was nothing crazy, but the gameplay and visuals were so unbelievably good that I honestly wished I could erase it all from my mind and play it again from the start. Just yay 💕, I love Splatoon so much.

TWITCH STREAM FAN EDIT: If you don't already know who Jerma is, he is a prolific video game streamer that I became a big fan of a few years ago. His unique humor has consistently impressed and appealed to me, and his fan community has proven itself to be both creative enough and motivated enough to persistently churn out edited “best of” versions of his streams. For better or for worse, Jerma announced his retirement from streaming last year, leaving his eager fans with nothing but his earlier content to dredge for, well… content. One such fan edit that was released this year, post-retirement, was a massive compilation of all his Nancy Drew playthroughs (save for one). This edit in particular was one that I found overwhelmingly funny and good, and it inspired an ongoing fanfic that I’m still currently working on writing. Oddly enough, watching this caused a domino effect that got me back into writing in general and has given me the surge of confidence and inspiration that I needed to keep working on creating the fiction that has lived inside in my head for years. I really hope this feeling never dies. You can watch the stream that inspired me, linked here!

MUSICAL ARTIST: Peach Kelli Pop is probably tied (with a few other artists) for the title of my favorite band of all time. Their entire discography is only about 2 hours long, but they were still my most listened to artist for several years in a row. It’s due to the consistency of the vibe across all of her work: upbeat and positive while still delivering a profound emotional impact. I've been able to just listen her entire catalog of music over and over and over again on shuffle. I might describe it as DIY rock, or feminist punk, and if you haven't heard it before, Gentle Leader is probably the best album to start with. Listen here!

MUSICAL ARTIST: After listening to nothing except Peach Kelli Pop for about a week straight, I started to look into similar bands that I hadn't already checked out and found one that really caught my interest. That's how I was introduced to Tacocat! Their band name is both a palindrome and euphemism, and their album Lost Time was love at first listen. They have cozy lyrics about aliens, birth control, and creating your own values, and their music has left me in a good mood every time I've thrown it on. You can listen to the first song that I heard, linked here!

SONG: It's Don’t Rain On My Parade, by Barbra Streisand!! I still haven't watched the musical that this song is from, but the drag queen Plasma mentioned it on RuPaul Season 16, which is how I ended up hearing it. This song gets an individual mention because I was absolutely blown away by this one individual track! It's brilliant and catchy right out of the gate, "Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter! Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!" It's from 1964, but its recording sounds crystal clear and it channels its intended emotions perfectly. I felt compelled to listen to it over and over again, because it really is just so cheerful and artistically inspiring. I feel like it's a perfect piece of music. Listen here!

SONG: I have to give another song an individual mention! It's Mood Indigo, by Nina Simone!! I’ve been a big fan of Nina Simone for years now, but more often than not, I've stuck to my favorite album, Pastel Blues. I did branch out and listen to this song a few times in the past, but it only recently dawned on me just how perfect it is. Wikipedia says that it was recorded in 1964, about the same time as Don’t Rain On My Parade, and while it's technically a cover of an old Duke Ellington song, Nina Simone’s version has a totally unique vibe, evident from the first few bars. Its lyrics are meant to be cathartic, as they discuss suicidal ideation, while the drums, bass, and piano create a beautiful and upbeat swing melody that perfectly juxtaposes and rebuts the content of Nina’s vocals. It's menacing, catchy, uplifting, and truly perfect! I now believe it to be a landmark in Nina Simone’s career, and the whole of music history in general. Listen here!

MUSICAL ARTIST: Okay, one last music rec, I swear!! I was really feeling the vibes this month (but mostly just listening to bands that I already know and love). Along with Peach Kelli Pop, another one of my favorite bands is King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard. Ever since 2017 (aka, the year of the gizz) they have probably reigned supreme as my #1 most listened to band. They just have so much music, with so much variation, that I can usually find at least one of their songs that appeals to me. Since the start of this year, I've been collecting and organizing a playlist of my favorite songs by them, titled 31 Days Of Gizz. Not for any particular reason, but just because I find it fun to make lists! At the last minute, I decided that I would organize the songs, specifically in the way that I would play them if I were introducing someone new to the band. So, if you haven’t heard their music before, maybe it’s time I introduced you? But no pressure, I just like their songs and I made my playlist just for me! I'm linking to it on spotify, HERE, if you’re interested! (forgot to put this one on the collage, lol)

VIDEO GAME: Right before the month ended, I bought the new fantasy tactics game, Unicorn Overlord, and I am fucking in love. I’ve been a longtime fan of the fantasy tactics genre, so as soon as this game started making waves, I begrudgingly accepted that I HAD to play it. I really don’t have a lot of time in between trying to take care of things at home and working on my writing, as I mentioned before, but I briefly dropped all my other hobbies and managed to fit about 10 hours of gameplay in before the month ended. I really wish I had time to obsess over it, because I feel like it is a masterpiece, even if the rumors about there being gay content ended up being a disappointing exaggeration (the game was developed by Vanillaware, but was published by homophobic giants ATLUS and SEGA, so I’m not surprised). Despite the story being pretty much dog shit though, I believe the gameplay is damn near perfect, and even revolutionary within its genre. I’ll probably be sinking all my game time into it until the new Elden Ring DLC drops. If you’re a person who also likes fantasy tactics, then I highly recommend playing it (I got it for the Nintendo Switch, where it seems to run perfectly).

(that’s it. It is now APRIL!! There might be some repeats this next month, or I'll leave them out... we'll see. Hope you have a good day! ♡)

[hearteyespierce]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

oof this has been sitting in my inbox for AGES ella sorry!! i have so many opinions about music and i didn't have the energy to pick 5 when you first sent it lmao, i'm so sorry i forgot about it!!!

i've been on an I Only Listen To The Mountain Goats kick lately (in the literal sense, not in the podcast of the same name sense), but i will refrain from listing 5 mountain goats songs lmao, i do actually listen to a variety of stuff i promise 😅 though it will be difficult to narrow it down to only 1 TMG song if i'm being honest. edit post list creation: same w/ all the listed artists tbh. i think i got too involved/detailed on this lmao sorry.

when in comes to music, i get really connected to songs based on memories that get attached to them and am particularly invested in lyrics (vs my partner who is a musician and much more interested in bands doing things musically/technically unique/interesting) so my favs tend to be based on loving the lyrics first and the sound/what is interesting musically second.

but in no particular order:

Autoclave - The Mountain Goats (god this was a tough choice. Idk if heretic pride is my fav album of theirs but it IS very good. my fav album of theirs is, i think, impossible to choose. my friend dan made me a mixtape of TMG songs when I was 18 or 19 because he thought i'd dig them, and he was right. i've been in love with them ever since.) When I try to open up to you, I get completely lost / Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost / And I reach deep down within, but the pathways twist and turn / And there's no light anywhere, and nothing left to burn

Jealous - Camp Cope (this is from Running With The Hurricane, which is their latest album and it's gorgeous. it came out during the early days of COVID and i was living alone in LA in this miserable bachelor unit and would go on walks in the middle of the night in K-Town, where i was living at the time. i very vividly remember the first time i listened to it on one of those walks. this was also my Izzy song back in my intense ofmd days lmao. Camp Cope, my best friend Camp Cope) I'm so jealous / I'll take anything you give to me / Yeah, I'm so jealous / Oh, I'm laying at your feet / Take me, baby / You're never in the wrong / I'm so jealous / Yeah, I'm so jealous of your dog

Cactus Tree - Joni Mitchell (would have been very easy to pick literally anything from Blue but this is, i think, my fav of hers to listen to/sing along to. It's so full of longing, and Songs to a Seagull was her first album. it's so gorgeous. i've loved Joni since i was a little kid because she was my mom's favorite and i have so many good memories of listening to Court and Spark and her live album Miles of Aisles over and over and over again on the floor of the living room or in the car or on my portable cd player in the hallways at school. i used to both sing along to the songs and talk along, reciting her commentary between songs on Miles of Aisles 😅) She will love them when she sees them / They will lose her if they follow / And she only means to please them / And her heart is full and hollow / Like a cactus tree / While she's so busy being free

Easy to Love - Cayetana (i've been attached to Cayetana for years ever since I saw them open for Lemuria many years ago. even finding them through an experience w my abusive ex is not enough to dull my love for cayetana. this song makes me feel so many things and i love this whole album) And sometimes I can't articulate the words trapped in my head / The way the morning does its dizzy dance / And I can't get out of bed / I learn too late / I learn too late

Delicate, Petite & Other Things I'll never be - Against Me! (very difficult pick, Transgender Dysphoria Blues is my fav album of theirs, but I also love a lot of their earlier stuff. This song from Shape Shift With Me - and the whole album tbh - is excellent) I'm still waiting for the visions / Possession has yet to take hold of me / We all want to burn on a pyre / So tell me what kind of witch are you / The skin on your neck looks like a little thin / Don't go sticking it out for me / Like a beggar with a cold cup to fill / I am the dirt under your nails

some honorable mentions:

Easier - Nate Roy (Nate is a former coworker/friend of mine - we've drifted apart but he came out as trans when we were working together and the whole album is about his transition. i've listened to it countless times and it was part of what led to me realizing i was also trans.)

Red Wine Super Nova - Chappell Roan (idk that i need to link this one everyone knows Chappell lmao but still. I'm late to the game on Chappell Roan. i never actually listened to the album in full until this past August right after my cat died because i desperately needed something fun to listen to while i was driving bc most of my music is either sad or angry and would just encourage me to cry which is Not Safe while driving lmao. i fell in love instantly and i love this song so much)

Love Me, I'm a Liberal - Phil Ochs (i just love Phil Ochs and this song is just. funny and depressing and funny. so much of it is sadly still relevant and every time i listen to it, i think about writing an updated version of it with modern references. have genuinely asked my partner to teach me to play the guitar so i can do this. idk if anyone would even want to listen to it though lmao)

will send this ask to a few people but if anyone sees this and wants to do it, please feel free and tag me, i'd love to see your favs!

[scotianostra]

August 16th 1766 saw the birth of Carolina Oliphant (Lady Nairne), poet and author of many Jacobite songs.

Carolina Oliphant was born into an aristocratic family at the” ‘Auld Hoose’ of Gask, Perthshire, the daughter of Laird Laurence Oliphant who with Prince Charles fought during the Jacobite uprisings, and Margret Struan. Her father gave her the name of Carolina as a tribute to Prince Charles Edward Stuart

Carolina married her second cousin Major William Murray Nairne at her family home in Gask in Perthshire. Marrying a second cousin was very common in these days especially in aristocratic families to keep the blood lines as ‘pure’ as possible. After getting married, Lady Nairne and her husband William settled in Duddingston near Edinburgh where they lived in Caroline Cottage. This particular cottage that Lady Nairne and her husband were living in was built and helped funded for by her uncle Chief of Strowan a notable Jacobite.

In her younger years, she was pretty, energetic, and had a keen fondness for dancing. Niel Gow, the famous fiddler, was a contemporary, and they no doubt crossed paths. It was at this time that she adapted popular melodies with new lyrics. The original lyrics would have been considered much too crude for society folk. These included The Laird o' Cockpen, The County Meeting, and The Pleughman.

It was upon settling in Edinburgh that she became involved in her lifelong project to preserve and foster the songs of Scotland. In those days, it was not considered proper for ladies of her place in society to dabble in what she herself called "this queer trade of song-writing". Her attempts at keeping her hobby a secret included not telling her husband, publishing her books anonymously, or under the nom-de-plume: Mrs. Bogan of Bogan. Much of her work was contributed in this form, to Robert Purdie's The Scottish Minstrel, 1821-24, in six volumes. When she went to visit him, she would wear an old, veiled cloak, in the hopes she would not be recognized.

In 1824, part due to Walter Scott's endless petitioning, Parliament restored the forfeited Jacobite peerages and Major Nairne regained the family Barony, and she and her husband became Baron and Baroness Nairne.

Baron Nairne died in 1830, and from then on, she travelled quite extensively with her invalid son, who was born in 1808, and her great niece. Her son died in Brussels in 1837, and she finally relented to her relatives' pleas to return to Scotland in 1845. Tired and sick, she came back to her home in Gask to die on October 26, 1845, at age 79. She was buried within the new chapel which had been completed only days earlier.

Two years after her death, a posthumous collection of verse, Lays of Strathearn, was prepared by her sister, but this time her name subscribed to the book. A granite cross was erected to her memory in the grounds of Gask House.

Altogether, she wrote or adapted nearly 100 songs and poems in her lifelong endeavor. Lady Carolina Nairne deserves recognition today, because not only did she help to preserve many Scottish tunes, but also, at a time when women's talents were expected to be merely domestic, she managed to do her own thing.

Her creative ability, the secret part of her life, never interfered with her position as a society lady. Lady Carolina Nairne has been sadly neglected, but to her we owe immense gratitude, for, without her, much of the Scottish musical heritage would have been lost.

Lady Nairne was an astute collector of song and wrote some of Scotland's best-known songs, yet today there are few people that are familiar with her work. It doesn't help that some of her songs and prose have have been attributed to Robert Burns, James Hogg or Walter Scott.

The late great Jean Redpath recorded an album of Lady Nairn songs, I have chose one for you to listen to, I am sure you will know it weel.

Bonnie charlie's noo awa Safely o'er the friendly main Mony's a heart will break in twa Should he ne'er come back again And mony a traitor 'mang the isles Brak the band o' nature's law And many a traitor wi' his wiles Sought to wear his life awa

And will ye no' come back again? Will ye no' come back again? Better lo'ed ye canna be Will ye no' come back again?

The hills he trode were a' his ain And bed beneath the birken tree The bush that hid him on the plain There's none on earth can claim but he And whene'er i hear the blackbird sing Unto the e'ening sinking down Or merl that maks the woods to ring To me they hae nae ither soun'

And will ye no' come back again? Will ye no' come back again? Better lo'ed ye canna be Will ye no' come back again?

And mony's a gallant sodger fought And mony's a gallant chief did fa' And death itself were dearly bought A' for scotland's king and law Sweet the lav'rock's note and lang Lilting wildly up the glen But aye the o'erword o' the sang Says will ye no come back again?

And will ye no' come back again? Will ye no' come back again? Better lo'ed ye canna be Will ye no' come back again?

[percythemapleboy]

Hey there!

First thing I wanna say today is that I hope you’re having a wonderful day/week/month/year/what have you!

Second is that I’m going to be going on a bit of a hiatus for about a month or two, for sure until late September.

Before you say anything; I am 100% okay! I’m not overworked, burnt out, or going through any kind of drama. If anything I’m going through the opposite right now! Recently I was at work, doing a deep clean of the school I go to so I can make some money - going on my grind-set, as they say - and listening to a bit of music. While I was enjoying the aforementioned music, a particular song came on that triggered something within me and inspired me to start planning something in my head for the rest of the day!

For those of you that are curious at to what the heck I’m talking about, do you remember the twenty first night of September?… If you didn’t get that reference; it’s one of the first lyrics to the song “September” by Earth, Wind and Fire. An absolutely amazing song that reminded me of an equally amazing game series called PAYDAY.

Now I imagine a lot of you are wondering how the heck a video game about robbing banks and preforming all kinds of exciting heists has anything to do with a song I listened to at work. Don’t worry, I’ll explain.

As mentioned earlier; one of the first lyrics references the idea of something to remember that happened on the twenty first of September, and coincidentally the release date of the newest entry in our favourite heisting game, PAYDAY 3, was set to… the twenty first of September!

To celebrate the game’s release and snatch my one and only chance to make a mash-up like this, I will be making a short music parody animatic of “September” by Earth, Wind and Fire based on PAYDAY! If you wanna know how to help; I have no idea. What I do know is that I will be taking a break of sorts from social media platforms as not to get distracted and miss my chance to make something like this and post it on a day like that. I’ll see you all soon and I can’t wait to actually get started!

Love you all, and I’ll see you when it’s done and posted!!

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 786: Neil Young On The Beach

I was driving through the mountains yesterday listening to On The Beach and realized I may never actually get around to discussing Neil Young at the rate I'm going, so I jumping way ahead in the alphabetical queue today.

I bought this used LP for $15 somewhere in Boston around a decade ago. I remember thinking $15 seemed a little steep at the time, but it was also one of those albums that all the heads were talking about. It's the classic story: the first studio album to come out on the heels of an artist's wildly successful album, only to be panned by critics, generally derided by fans, and even sorta disliked by the artist himself. It went out of print, wasn't issued on CD, and was largely ignored until the turn of the century, when Young fans petitioned for a reissue.

I had never heard On The Beach before I bought this copy. And my initial reaction was disappointment. It's kind of a drag. Album opener "Walk On" is a solid folk-rock tune, and likely the kind of song most Young fans were hoping for on the follow-up to Harvest. "See The Sky About To Rain" is a solid ballad, though maybe a bit sleepy for a second track. And then the album goes dark.

We've got "Revolution Blues"---a grim and sparse song about Manson---followed by the even more stripped down and reserved "For The Turnstiles." Side A closes out with the lethargic criticism of the oil industry on "Vampire Blues." Basically, you get three slow bleak minor-key tunes on the front end of the album.

Jump to side B and we go even darker with the title track---a glacial paced somber blues piece ruminating on the downside of fame. This was where Neil Young's head was at back in 1974. He was uneasy about his success and all the baggage that came with it. He was disillusioned from his experience with CSN&Y. He was bummed on the squandered potential of the '60s. So he retreated into the studio, hired a bunch of studio musicians, cooked up a concoction called "honey slides" that was essentially weed cooked in honey, and recorded a downtrodden, druggy, and austere album where he lashed out at the world. It didn't exactly make for a "fun" listening experience.

But I slowly came around to On The Beach in a big way, because while there is a major downer dip in the middle half of the album, there's a redemption on the last two songs that elevates the entire album into something really special. The penultimate song "Motion Pictures" doesn't pick up the pace or tread into lighter lyrical matter---it's a deeply personal song about Young's failed relationship with his ex---but there is perseverance and optimism in the melody. It still feels mired in the druggy haze of the earlier tracks, but the darkness and defeat yields to a warm buzz and a sense that things will be alright.

But the real triumph of On The Beach is album closer "Ambulance Blues." An acoustic tune with a surreal Dylan-aping-Ginsberg approach to the lyrics, "Ambulance Blues" comes across like a hallucinatory state of the union address issued by Young. It touches on his past, his grievances with fame, his struggles with his art, his anger with US politics, and his beef with his critics. While Young can be heavy-handed with his lyrical statements, "Ambulance Blues" veers more towards Dylan's "Desolation Row" in its ability to cloak its true intentions in evocative prose. Melodically, the song excels at using interesting chord changes to create tension and release, dissonance and beauty.

On The Beach won me over during my time in New York, when many a weekend night would end with me getting home after midnight and throwing this LP on the turntable to wind down. The trajectory of the album makes it a perfect "after midnight" album---a strong opener followed by a slow spiral into darkness and despair with a hard-won humble victory. It's also become a road trip favorite, partially because its simple production translates well over road noise, but also because the narrative arc of the album feels like a journey across the landscape of human hardship. Even if the album jumps between lyrical subject matter, the overall vibe of the album has an almost cinematic aura of a beginning, middle, and end to its sense of drama.

On The Beach may not be a flawless record, or an easy record to get into upon first listen, but it's peaks and valleys are what gives it its magic. And its flaws might actually be what makes it such a perfect album when taken as a whole.

[declanlikesmusic]

Today's Listens: Episode 001

August 5th, 2023

This is going to be the first in a series of posts where I basically go over what I've listened to in a day. I spend a lot of my usual day shuffling through my RateYourMusic wishlist and deciding what to listen to then, if not doing anything else. You can find them all on my RYM account and also sift through everything that I've listened to since I made that account. I might not post on every day, don't expect this to be consistent, but I like music, like talking about music and like sharing my thoughts to you all. Let's begin!

Green Day – Insomniac (1995)

Thought I'd kick my day off with a total rocker, which is definitely healthy after cleaning your ears. I'm not a big Green Day fiend, but I ended up just barely loving my experiences with their two big records Dookie & American Idiot, so I thought it only suited me to dive into their catalogue more and see what I can get out of it. Insomniac is more of the same that they contributed with Dookie, however, it's much more homogenous. At least ten of the songs here sound about the same to me and the only standouts are slight deviances or singles that I've already heard, which even then are not that different either. That said, if you're a big pop punk lover, I can't see why you wouldn't love this one at least.

6.9 / 10

Standouts: Brain Stew, Walking Contradiction

Monstercat 008: Anniversary (2012)

I really don't take enough time to shoutout my love for the Monstercat label, especially their earlier years. I'm slowly going over revisiting their EDM compilations and I've now surpassed nearly their first year in releases. By this point, they've already reached their first utter peak with 007: Solace and while this slightly dips from that peak, 008: Anniversary continues their streak of great compilations that truly started with 006: Embrace. By this point, while some tracks still remain rudimentary and even a little primitive in a few rare spots, the collective of talented producers continued to refine their growing densities while still introducing more cool peeps in the process. I still recommend Solace if you're starting out, but this is still a great followup and a very consistent one at that.

7.8 / 10

Standouts: Hipster Cutthroat, Ocean City, Daybreak, Don't Push Me, Black Magic

Maxime Denuc – Nachthorn (2022)

This one was a very random recommendation given to me by IneptAndy, but one that I'm not opposed to now that I've given it a fair shake. I've always been fond of minimalism, even though I've hardly taken the time out to explore the genre myself. I've only gotten so far as the legendary works of Steve Reich & Philip Glass, but I already adored the sound of the genre from those two alone. This one is only Maxime Denuc on an organ, but a midi-controlled one, which leads to some wildly interesting and abstract soundscapes. I'm not a fan of the drone opener Edo, but aside from that, the rest of the album is a great listen. I can see people getting pseudo trance and techno vibes from the way this was orchestrated towards the end of the album. I highly recommend it if you're a fan of ambient and minimalist music, even if this one was a bit bare bones.

7.5 / 10

Standouts: Infinite end, Ouverture, Function Music

Cocteau Twins – Treasure (1984)

It's a few hours later and I return from my little casual job to tune into some Cocteau Twins to relax! I'm not huge on the band; I used to think that Heaven or Las Vegas was merely okay, but earlier this year, I came right around to loving it, for its gorgeous soundscapes, beautiful vocal performances and… lyrics. Treasure is their second biggest record, but with the detriment of coming out over half a decade prior. Couple that with said decade just so happening to be the 80s and I was worried I wouldn't dig this one all that much, because at the start, the 80s era production weaknesses really hampered what could've been great tracks to me. (I was even reminded of US Golf 95 for a bit, for some cursed reasons.) By the halfway point though, it really began to click with me and by the end, I could see why some people would consider this to be even better than Heaven or Las Vegas. I'm not in that camp, but it was definitely worth the chance.

7.4 / 10

Standouts: Persephone, Pandora (for Cindy), Amelia, Aloysius, Donimo

Chungking Mansions – 安全出口EXIT空间和时间 (2015)

The next record I tuned into was what I always considered to be one of the most underrated vaporwave albums of all time. This Dream Catalogue deep cut was a deceptively muted but spacious & mystical sci-fi experience that had numerous tracks crafted with really subtly curated samples and detailed, crispy atmosphere. It's a really narrow bridge between vaporwave & dreampunk that comes off as gorgeous & futuristic without standing off too much. It could take some repeat listens to be able to pick apart which song in the tracklist does specifically what, but I would wholly welcome future relistens to this album. If you're wondering, this is a potential hidden gem waiting to be understood more widely in the vapor community.

7.7 / 10

Standouts: 互動導遊機器人, 文化马赛克, Gare d'Europa, 同一地點，不同的時間

Dan Deacon – Mystic Familiar (2020)

The final record I chose to go over tonight was Dan Deacon's biggest break, Mystic Familiar. Believe it or not, there was actually a moment in time at the start of 2020 before everything went "oh shit, oh fuck" bad for everybody. Biggest proof of this was Dan's insanely colourful, whimsical, psychedelic and gorgeous crop of electronica and progressive pop! I struggled to listen to so much of 2020 that came after the pandemic, so this was always a lovely one to rely on coming back to, especially with some of the highest soars in music I have heard this decade so far. This always felt like a genuine love letter to nature & life itself and I highly recommend it.

7.8 / 10

Standouts: Become a Mountain, Sat by a Tree, Float Away, Far from Shore, Fell Into the Ocean

So that was my crop of first listens and relistens for today. What do you think of any of these, tell me what you think I should try and maybe give some of these a shot yourself! I'll see ya next time!