#i was like. nah ill wait a million years to post like i usually do.... unless ?

[m0r1bund]

Brief sidebar from working on my godforsaken twine to draw them. i listen to all of the Cedar and the Aspen one too many times and I lose control.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Hello if you don't mind could I ask you to do something with Alfie (I love all your Alfie pieces) I was looking at the prompt lists you posted recently and I was thinking that they are not together but obviously like each other she is working for him. And one day Alfie starts joking around with her and she says something thing about the beard and he starts kinda play wrestling her and tickling her with the beard on her neck or whatever which ends up leading to their first kiss. Hope you like the idea.

//I hope this is kind of what you were looking for! Enjoy!

            To the outside world, Alfie was a cold-hearted, sarcastic, violent man. But those who worked in the bakery knew that this wasn’t all true. Of course, he had a penchant for doling out punishments when he saw fit and the sound of him yelling was a common occurrence. Yet a new side to him began to show when he took on a secretary. She was the niece of a family friend. A girl he grew up with on the streets of Camden. Someone he used to know so well but lost contact with after he began working and especially after he left for war.

            Initially, Alfie was hesitant to bring on a woman. He lived in a man’s world, not just by running rum but in a traditional community of Orthodox Jews. But apparently, some of the Camden women were taken by the new age of the ‘20s and wanted to venture out of the home.

            Including Theresa who Alfie hired after meeting her for the first time. He didn’t consider him to be very shallow, but he appreciated beauty.

            And she was beautiful. Alfie wasn’t sure he ever realized how beautiful she was. There were times when they passed each other on the street and gave one another a brief hello. But she truly had grown into herself

            Alfie chalked it up to being a sinner. He was a sinner so he would want a beautiful woman around. What he didn’t realize was that he wanted Theresa around because she was a bright light in an otherwise dreary spot of London. She had always been a cheery person. Alfie couldn’t ever remember her being in a foul mood when they were children. She always seemed to be content even if they were poor.

            She made it very apparent on her first day that she hadn’t changed much. She brought in a little bouquet of flowers to liven up her desk outside of Alfie’s office.

            Alfie sighed, watching her set the vase down with care. “She’s gonna be eaten alive here.” He muttered under his breath.

            But later that day, he passed by her as she was trying to work a hole punch.

            “For fuck’s sake.” She hissed at the contraption.

            Alfie snorted.

            Theresa’s head shot up with a look of embarrassment. “Oh, Alfie, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were standing there.”

            He chuckled. “Love, there ain’t nothing you could say that would make me blush.” He informed her. “Just didn’t expect that from you.”

            “Me?” She raised an eyebrow. “We were raised the same way. I’m sure we were both swearing before our mums could do anything about it.”

            That put a smile on his face. “I remember the first time you swore in front of your mum. She was convinced the devil had gotten a hold of you.”

            Theresa giggled. “That poor woman.”

            Alfie paused for a moment. It wasn’t completely rare that he would strike up a conversation with his employees. He chatted with Ollie and some of the others who had been working for him for a while. He knew their families well, so he respected them for their hard work. But Theresa was much more and he felt stupid that he hadn’t realized that before. This was the girl he was raised with.

            He wasn’t sure whether to be at ease or nervous about the sort of feelings bubbling up inside him. So, he quickly excused himself.

~~~

            As time went on, the longer Theresa worked there, Alfie realized he couldn’t walk away from those feelings. There was a clear playfulness to their relationship. Alfie felt like a kid again around her and Theresa certainly wasn’t afraid of him like most people were.

            But he couldn’t help but feel a little foolish. Theresa was still the bright, uplifting person she had been since childhood. Alfie was now just a grumpy bag of bones who made God extremely angry with every breath he took. At least, that’s what he thought. He didn’t think there were any remnants of the young man he once was. Well, aside from being a troublemaker. He had been one since birth.

            But none of this seemed to bother Theresa. In fact, she was making it very difficult to stay away. She had a habit of making him laugh like no one else ever could. Not to mention when she noticed he wasn’t happy, she tried to ease his burden a bit.

            Despite Alfie’s reluctance, the relationship blossomed very naturally as the year progressed.

~~~ 

            Come springtime, Theresa was in Alfie’s office helping him with his ledger.

            Not too long after they began, Alfie noticed she was catching glances much more frequently than she usually did.

            “Something wrong?” He asked.

            “Oh, no.” She shook her head, not really embarrassed that he was calling her out. “I just was thinking about how it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you without a beard. You never had one before the war.” She remembered.

            “Yeah.” He consciously ran a hand over his right cheek. “Covers up the worst of me scar, don’t it?”

            “No, I didn’t mean I didn’t like it.” She clarified. “It was just something I was thinking about.” She shrugged.

             “Yeah?”

            “Do the women you’re with complain about it being scratchy?” She asked coyly.

            He gave her a funny look. “Do you see me frolicking about with women? You’ve worked here long enough to know I barely have time to breathe.”

            She smiled. There was no use in denying that Theresa enjoyed toying with him a bit. It made her day a bit more fun knowing she could flirt with him and he would either get flustered or send it right back her way. Even though she wanted something more with him, she figured the most she would get was harmless flirting.

            “Or maybe it’s the beard.” She replied casually.

            He narrowed his eyes at her. It was clear she was playing with him. “You’re in a feisty mood today, aye?”

            She didn’t answer. “I suppose it makes you appear older. More manly maybe.”

            “Oh,” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his desk chair as he eyed her. Almost as if he was trying to figure out her strategy, find out what her game plan was, or what she wanted out of the interaction. “So, I weren’t manly ‘til I grew a fucking beard.”

            “When you didn’t have the beard, I could still beat you up.”

            “Now that, yeah, is utter horseshit. There weren’t ever a time you could beat me up.”

            She laughed. “Oh please, I could pin you to the ground better than your own brother could.”

            “Well, that’s just rich.” He shook his head. “I’ll let you believe what you want, love.”

~~~           

            But Theresa wasn’t done. She waited until most of the men in the bakery had gone home. Since Alfie worked late most nights, it would be perfect. She came into his office and shut the door behind her.

            He was at his filing cabinet and nodded at her.

            She didn’t say anything, just came up beside him and poked him right under his ribs where she knew he was ticklish. Just as when they were children, Alfie nearly doubled over and stifled a snorting laugh.

            “Oi!” He caught her hand before she could get him again. “Little minx, you tryna give me a heart attack?”

            She giggled. “Still the same boy, aren’t you?”

            Alfie could argue that he wasn’t. He could list off all the things he had done. The horrible deeds he’d been up to ever since the war. But there was a sparkle in Theresa’s eyes that made his knees weak.

            So, he grabbed her by the waist and threw her over his shoulder. “Yeah, same boy that you used to wrestle, aye? You’d tear your stockings and your mum would chew us all out. Saying we were leading you astray.”          

            “Alfie!” Theresa laughed as he plopped her down on top of his desk.

            “Told her that it weren’t us. Nah, it was you the whole time. Always stirring the pot.” He stood in front of him with his hands on his hips but a faint smirk on his face.

            “You never complained.” She replied cheekily.

            He shook his head. “No one could find a single thing to complain ‘bout you.”

            Theresa chewed on her lip, thinking for a moment before she made up her mind. She stood up and stepped toward Alfie.

            For a moment, he thought she was going to make another go at him, but then she touched his cheek gently. She searched his eyes, waiting for him to push her away. But instead, he nodded and kissed her.

            Everything sank away. Theresa wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss with a soft sigh.

            Alfie’s brain was going haywire. A million different reasons for abandoning her flooded his mind. She would be better off, he was a terrible person, nothing good would come to her, everyone would think ill of her, he would be using her.

            But there was one good reason to keep her near. He loved her.

            He placed a hand on the small of her back to bring her flush against him. Never again did he want her to be so far. Having her close felt far too good to give it up.

            When Theresa drew away, she looked happier than he’d ever seen her before. “I don’t think I mind kissing you with the beard.” She said playfully. “In fact, I kind of like it.”

            He chuckled and pecked her lips again. “So that’s that, then?”

            “I suppose so.” She lightly ran her fingers through his unruly hair. “Although, I never expected you to, well I just thought that you would never want to be with me.”

            “Yeah? What gave you that idea?” He asked.

            “I don’t know. I just thought maybe you would want a woman who’s more…dangerous. Not some silly girl like me.”

            Alfie smoothed a thumb over her cheek, taking in how soft her skin was compared to his calloused hands. “You are a silly girl for ever thinking that’s the case.” He murmured. “This is a job, love. Why would I want to come home to someone who’s just like work, aye? I want to come home to someone loving and warm. Thoughtful and funny and…” He felt like he was losing himself in her yearning gaze. “What I mean is, I want someone like you. I want you. Just didn’t think you would ever want someone like me.”

            “Then you are a silly man for ever thinking that’s the case.” She replied. “I want every part of you, Alfie.”

[thatoneloser-kid]

Something Special

I posted this on AO3 but I thought I would post it here, too...

Single mom!Kimberly

Trini wasn't the best at human interactions. She was kind of a loner, she didn't tend to engage with her friends all that often, she was very standoffish and rarely ever smiled.

Which was why Kimberly was surprised to come home from work, groceries in hand (having left Trini to look after her daughter for the day because her usual babysitter had taken ill and everyone else was busy) to find Trini and Cleo, both with sheets wrapped around their necks, throwing a pair of rolled up socks at empty water bottles set up in a messy triangle.

Trini apparently hated adults but just loved kids. Who would've guessed?

"I told you she was home." Trini grinned smugly and Cleo looked between them with wide eyes.

"How did you know?" Cleo gasped in amazement.

"I told you, I'm a real life super hero." Trini jibbed, making her way over to Kimberly, taking the heavy bags from her.

Kimberly was filled with a weird sense of domestication at that, like she should lean forward and kiss Trini's cheek (which wasn't an unusual thing to happen to her in Trini's presence).

She doesn't, of course, she just made her way over to her daughter. "What have you two been up to?" She asked when she crouched down beside the four year old.

"Well, we coloured for a little while, then had a tea party, then we decided to be superheroes, then bowling." Cleo motioned over to the bottles that were set up in a triangle.

Kimberly tilted her head to look at Trini who had just set the bags on the counter. "You had a tea party?"

"She makes good tea," Trini shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. But it got her daughter to flash that big, gap-toothed smile so she dropped it.

"You both sure had a busy day, didn't you?" Kimberly returned her eyes to her daughter as Trini lingered in the arch between the dinning room and the living room. "You must be exhausted, kiddo?"

"I don't wanna go to bed yet. Aunt Trin said we could watch Mulan, said it was her favourite growing up."

"Oh, she did, huh?" Kimberly arched her eyebrows at Trini, who looked somewhat sheepish as she shrugged. "Well, only if she stays."

Kimberly arched her eyebrows challengingly when Trini looked unsure but the unsure look disappeared when Cleo looked at her hopefully.

"Leave and miss Mulan?" Trini scoffed. "I don't think so."

Cleo let out a little happy yap and hopped up into Trini's arms. Trini glanced at Kimberly over the toddlers shoulder, giving her a small, almost shy smile before carrying the young girl into the living room.

They all settled down on the sofa, Cleo squished in between them, her head pressing against Trini's side, probably because she was inherently warmer than Kimberly(which wasn't a surprise, Kimberly's extremities were always cold), and her feet pressing into her moms lap.

Cleo fell asleep a little while before the end and Trini lifted her to bed when the movie ended, untying the sheet from around the girls neck before pulling the covers up over her.

"You should hang out for a while." Kimberly said, peering at Trini over the back of the sofa where she was sitting with a glass of wine.

"You couldn't scream 'single mom' more than you do right now." Trini commented but there was no bite to it so Kimberly laughed, her eyes training on Trini as she sat down.

"Drink?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Suit yourself." Kimberly shrugged, taking a swig of her glass. "Are you going to sit with that thing around your neck all night?"

"Maybe," Trini hummed, her eyes training on the TV that was now playing friends reruns.

It was silent for the remainder of the episode, save from the little huffs of laughter from both women, but Trini spoke up during the adverts between two episodes.

"I get it now,"

Kimberly pulled her eyes away from a commercial on some kind of pain killer, raising her eyebrows questioningly at Trini. "Get what?"

"I always wondered how you could love her, how you could look at her and not just see him." There was an edge to Trini's voice that Kimberly had never heard before. "But I understand now. Before today any time I seen her I wanted to break him out of prison just to kill him, for what he did to you, for how he hurt you. But, I dunno, I guess spending time with her changed that? I would still kill him but now when I look at her I want to smile."

"That's why you haven't came by much in the past five years?" Kimberly asked thoughtfully, Trini knew she didn't need to answer, that Kimberly already knew what the answer was, but she hummed anyway.

"Yeah. I thought I was hating her and I hated myself for that but it's not her at all, it's him. I hate him."

"I thought it was me.

"You?" Trini frowned, wishing she had undone the 'cape' she was currently wearing because this seemed to be leading to a serious conversation. One she probably shouldn't have while wearing a pink blanket with blue stars around her neck. "Why?"

"I thought you blamed me for your friend being put away.

"Of course not." Trini shook her head definitively, scooting a little closer to Kimberly and touching the knee that was bend under her. "I'm glad he is in prison, of he wasn't I would kill him. A million times over for what he did to you." Trini said, "I shouldn't have just left like I did. I just- I blamed myself, I was one of the main reasons you and him started seeing, the only reason you really knew him at all. If you both had never met, this wouldn't have happened."

"Don't do that." Kimberly sighed, her hand dropping to cover Trini's, giving it a little squeeze. "I done the whole self-blaming thing, it's not good for you."

"You blamed yourself?"

Kimberly bobbed her head, leaning forward to place her glass on the table before leaning back again, her elbow on the back of the sofa and her head on her fist. "And I thought I was going to hate her. While I was pregnant I would look down at my belly and wish I had it in me to get rid of her because she was half him and that fucking killed me. But as soon as she was born that all went away, I looked down at her and, sure, I knew she was half him but she was also half me. And she had my eyes, and my nose and lips and I just fell in love with her."

"She looks like you," Trini whispered, mirroring Kimberly sitting position. "She's beautiful."

"Yeah, she is."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around but I know you had the boys, and Tammi, so I didn't think you needed me, and I didn't think you wanted to see me. He was my close friend, I thought seeing me would just have reminded you of him, I didn't want that."

"You are nothing like him."

"No, I know, but because he was my friend, I thought you would've hate me, too." Trini shrugged. "Death by association, you know?"

"I'm still friends with Zack and he was his friend, too." Kimberly pointed out, her hand sliding up Trini's arm to rub her bicep. "Your were the one I was closest to out of the six of us, it really hurt loosing you."

"I'm sorry," Trini sighed.

"It's okay," Kimberly assured.

"I should really head home, it's getting dark."

"Not scared of the dark are you, little T." Kimberly asked teasingly, watching Trini as she stood up and stretched out her limbs before untying the sheet that was around her neck.

"Bite me, Hart."

Kimberly took a gulp of her wine and stood up just as Trini managed to untie the sheet. She folded it as she made her way toward the door, handing it off to Kimberly when she reached it.

"Text me when you're home," Kimberly accepted the sheet from Trini.

"Are you worried about me?" Trini bantered, tensing up when Kimberly wrapped one arm around her neck, laughing against Trini's ear making the hairs on the back of the girls neck stand on end.

"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you."

Trini relaxed a little awkwardly petting Kimberly back. "Like you could, even if you wanted to."

"Is that a challenge?" Kimberly shot back as she took a step away from Trini.

"Take that however you wish." Trini grinned crookedly as she pulled the door open. "But just remember I teach martial arts and self defence for a living, I could kill a grown man with my thumb."

"Someone is a little full of themselves." Kimberly jibbed.

"It's warranted, trust me." Trini grinned, turning to Kimberly when she was outside her apartment. "I will see you around, Kim."

She didn't see her around, Kimberly was busy with work so she hadn't been around her friends and whenever she was around Trini hadn't been there.

So they hadn't really been in contact for a few weeks, save for a few messages here and there.

They didn't talk until Kimberly called Trini at five in the afternoon, in the middle of her Doctor Who marathon.

"'Ello?" Trini mumbled down the phone, her mouth stuff with chips and her hands smearing grease all over the screen.

"And here was me thinking you had an attractive voice."

Trini straightened a little at the teasing voice, the bowl of chips almost sliding off her lap. "Kimberly," she tried to say but it just came out as a mumble as she tried to swallow what was on her mouth. Kimberly laughed but waiting for Trini to speak again. "Hey, what's up?"

"Are you busy?"

Trini's eyes flitted from the bowl of chips to Caven on the TV. "Define busy?"

Kimberly let out a little huff, "Doing something that can not be put off until another time."

"Oh," Trini set the bowl on the table and wiped her hands on her jeans, her phone trapped between her shoulder and ear. "Then no, I'm not busy."

"Did you ask her, mommy?" Trini heard Cleo ask and a smile instantly etched it's was onto her lips.

"I'm about to, sweetie." Kimberly assured. "So, listen, I completely understand if you don't want to but Cleo have been going on about her 'aunt Trin' and how she preferred you looking after her..."

"Sure," Trini cut Kimberly off. "Do you want to bring her over here?"

Kimberly seemed a little stunned at first, which made Trini grin smugly. "It will be from now until around midnight."

"So, here or your place?"

"Uh, yours is good."

"Ok," Trini hummed, getting to her feet and heading off toward her room to change from her pyjamas. “Ask Cleo if she wants to go see something at the movies, I heard the live action beauty and the beast is pretty good.”

“I think I’m going to take her to see that in a few days but if there is anything else.”

“That’s fine, we can just hang out at my place. Have her bring over a few things, and I have board games we could play.”

“Okay,” Kimberly paused for a second. “Are you sure about this, Trini? I know you have things to do for work.”

“I can do some plans while Cleo is asleep,” Trini assured. “What time do kids that age usually sleep?”

“Ideally before half past seven,”

“Okay,” Trini hummed, pulling out a pair of jeans and a loose, yellow plaid shirt. “I’ll see you in a little while, then.”

“See you soon, Trin.”

Trini hung up the phone and quickly got changed before cleaning the living room. she checked herself in the mirror, fixing her hair and making sure she looked presentable (she told herself it was to make sure Cleo didn’t think she was gross but deep down Trini knew it was all to do with impressing Kimberly).

She had just finished pulling a braid down the left side of her head when the buzzer to her apartment sounded.

Trini buzzed them in and opened the door a little before making her way back through the living room into the conjoined kitchen.

“Trini?” Kimberly called.

“Kitchen,” Trini replied, smiling when she heard the sound of fast little footsteps.

“Aunt Trin!” Cleo grinned happily, hopping up into Trini’s arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, little Hart.” Trini smiled, propping the four year old on her hip. “How has your day been, cutie?”

“Good, mommy has to work so I’m here.”

Kimberly appeared just then, carrying a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bag, a smile pulled its way onto her lips at the sight. A smile that had Trini’s tummy flipping.

“Hey,” Trini greeted with a soft smile.

“Hey,” Kimberly replied. “Are you sure about this?”

“Mom, she said yes!” Cleo huffed.

“Yeah, mom, I said yes.” Trini grinned playfully at Kimberly while Cleo stuck her tongue out at her mother.

“Well, I’m not sure if leaving my already sassy child with a sassy adult is a good idea.” Kimberly arched an eyebrow at Trini who cocked her head to the left.

“Where do you think she gets her sassiness from?” Trini tilted her head pointedly at Kimberly.

Kimberly just shrugged, holding up the backpack. “This has her pyjamas and her some snacks.”

“Oh, snacks. All for me?”

“No,” Cleo scoffed. “Both of us.”

“Oh, of course.” Trini nodded seriously, digging her hand into her pocket and holding out a key to the apartment. "In case she is asleep when you come back."

"You're giving me a key to your place?"

"I want it back, obviously." Trini rolled her eyes and Kimberly laughed.

“Okay, I need to get going.” Kimberly placed the bag on the kitchen counted as she made her way over to her daughter, planting a kiss on her cheek, pulling back only lightly to lookout Trini. "I will be back by one."

Trini nodded, because that's all she could really bring herself to do. This was the first time in five year she had had Kimberly this close (well, there was last night but that was a hug so it doesn't really count), and even then it was never really this close, and there wasn't this weird feeling for domestication back then.

"You, behave." Kimberly pointed playfully at her daughter who gave her a playful little salute back. Kimberly smiled, moving her eyes back to Trini. "Thank you for this, seriously."

"Just get going, big Hart, we have some partying to do."

Kimberly smiled softly at Trini before heading for the door.

"Okay, kiddo, what's the plan?" Trini asked, setting Cleo down on the counter.

The plan, as it turns out, was princesses first, followed by lunch, then a few board games and a game of catch (which almost resulted in Trini having to buy a new TV), they had dinner after that, then settled down to watch a few movies.

Cleo fell asleep half way through the Pinocchio, her head on Trini's lap.

Trini took the opportunity of a quiet house to grab her laptop and start on everything she needed to do for work.

She was almost done with all the training plans she had to do when she heard her front door open.

She glanced over her shoulder, offering Kimberly a smile.

Kimberly faltered slightly, this was a Trini she had never seen before. Quite, soft Trini. Trini in her comfies and with her glasses on. It was a Trini she wanted to see more of.

"Hey," Kimberly said quietly, glancing at Trini's bedroom door. "Where is she?"

Trini nodded down to her lab. "She's been dead to the world for over six hours." Trini explained, looking at Kimberly with a look of desperation. "I've had to pee for an hour.”

“Then go pee,” Kimberly laughed, jabbing he fingering the direction of Trini’s. “They don’t wake up.”

Trini closed her laptop, tentatively lifting Cleo’s head upend slid out from under her, replacing her knees with a pillow. She rounded the sofa, leaning against the back, beside Kimberly. “How was work?”

“Surgery went well,”

“What was it?”

“Liver transplant. It was a kid, she was born to a woman who had hep C. The disease transferred over to the kid and she has been on meds and a special diet for years now. That’s us just got a liver for her.” Kimberly ran her hands over her face. “She was dying, if we waited any longer she might have not made it.”

“Poor kid,” Trini said and Kimberly hummed. Trini tilted her head to look up Kimberly. “You look tired.”

“It has just been surgery after surgery recently. And when I’m not in theatre I’m looking after Cleo." Kimberly sounded exhausted as she spoke. "It gets a little much sometimes."

"If you ever need time I don’t mind looking after her.” Trini offed gaining a surprised look from Kimberly. “What? I like hanging out with her, she’s cool.”

“You don’t have to do that,”

“I know,”

“Do you feel guilty?” Kimberly questioned. “About not being around.”

“Honestly? A little,” Trini admitted. “I feel bad for just dropping you, everyone.”

“I understand why.” Kimberly assured. “You felt guilty, which you shouldn’t, so I understand.”

Trini stared at Kimberly for a few seconds before nodding. “Thank you,”

Kimberly just shook her head, reaching over to grab Cleo’s backpack. “So, what did you both get up to?”

“We played princesses, had lunch, played a few board games and a few other games then settled down and watched a few movies.”

“You played princesses?” Kimberly cocked an eyebrow, a little grin appearing on her lips.

“I am a fabulous princess,”

Kimberly laughed quietly, her head drooping and her eyes moving to the floor as she smile. “I don’t doubt that.”

“You want me to help you down with her?”

“If you don’t mind,”

Trini nodded and rounded the sofa to grab Cleo, holding the young girl tight against her chest as she mumbled something in her sleep.

Once Trini had strapped the sleeping girl into her car seat she straightened up, stretching out the kink in her back.

“Thank you for this, Trini.” Kimberly softly closed the car door, turning to smile at Trini. “She really enjoys hanging out with you, she said she was always bored with her usual babysitter.”

“Any time I’m free and you need someone to look after her, I’m there,”

Kimberly nodded, holding her arms out questioningly.

Trini rolled her eyes but hugged her friend, her arms wrapping securely around Kimberly’s waist.

“I’ve missed you,” Kimberly whispered against the side of Trini’s head.

“Me to,” Trini hummed, pulling back, taking a set away from Kimberly. “Let me know you get home safe, okay?”

“I will,”

Trini waited for Kimberly to disappear down the street before heading back into her apartment, looking up and heading straight to bed.

—

They texted sporadically over the next two days but they didn’t really talk much, Trini had classes and personal training sessions and Kimberly had a few surgeries, so they didn’t really get the chance.

Trini was midway through a work out in her buildings gym when Kimberly called her.

“Hey, Kim,” Trini panted.

“Are you.. busy?” Kimberly questioned unsurely.

“I’m just working out,” Trini stepped off the treadmill, using her shirt to wipe her face. “What’s up?”

“We are going to see beauty in the beast at five,”

“Okay,” Trini frowned to herself. “Enjoy?”

Kimberly laughed, and probably rolled her eyes. “Will you come with us?”

"You want me to come?"

"Yeah," Kimberly paused for a second. ”Both of us do."

“Oh, okay, sure.” Trini murmured, trying to calm the giddy feeling in her chest at the prospect of Kimberly wanting to spend time with her. “I just need to shower then I will be ready to go.”

“Okay, I will pick you up at half four.”

“Okay, bye.”

“See you in a bit, Trin.”

Trini quickly showered and fixed her hair, pulling on a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt and her yellow beanie, a beanie she had had since high school.

Kimberly smiled widely at her when she hopping into the passenger side of the car, which caused Trini to smile back, glancing back at Cleo, doing a double take when she noticed the girl was dressed in Belle’s yellow dress.

“Wow! Kim, you didn’t say we were taking Belle along. But where is Cleo, I thought she was coming?” Trini frowned in mock confusion at Kimberly, who pursed her lips to try and hide her smile.

“Aunt T,” Cleo giggled. “It is me.”

“So it is,” Trini gasped. “I didn��t even notice you. You look very beautiful.”

“I know,” The girl grinned widely, a grin that reminded Trini an awful lot of Kimberly.

“Good girl,” Trini nodded, turning back to Kimberly who was watching the exchange with a soft smile.

“Ready to go?”

“I am,”

Trini ended up sitting in between Kimberly and Cleo (at Cleo’s request), Kimberly’s knee pressing against her own and Cleo’s little arm taking up their shared arm rest.

“I can’t believe you still have this thing,” Kimberly lightly tugged the beanie on Trini’s head. “Is this still the one from high school?”

“It is,”

“You are ridiculously attached to this thing.” Kimberly shook her head, a little smile playing on her lips.

The movie started and both Cleo and Kimberly watched with sheer amazement in their eyes. Look at their one of them made Trini smile, a fluttering feeling in her chest that she recognised from whenever she and Kimberly interacted in high school, thought now it was accompanied with this affection for this little girl she was so sure she walk hate, which made everything that much more terrifying.

By the time Kimberly dropped her off him Cleo was sleep in the back seat.

“I had fun tonight,” Kimberly turned to look at Trini. “Thank you for agreeing to come, Cleo loves having you around.”

Trini nodded, looking over at Kimberly through her eyelashes. “And you?”

This seemed to throw Kimberly for a second, “I'm inclined to agree with her,” She said. “I’ve missed having you around. I forgot how much I actually do enjoy you being around.”

“Yeah, I’ve missed being around.”

“I suppose building your own business takes up a lot of your time.”

“I still could have been around more, though.” Trini admitted quietly.

“I understand why,” Kimberly assured.

Trini nodded, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodnight, Kim.” Trini smiled, popping the door open.

“Trini,” Kimberly called just before Trini closed the door, prompting the woman to dip down to look at her questioningly. Kimberly looked at her, her mouth open slightly, like she was rethinking what she was about to say. “Goodnight.”

Trini wanted to push, ask what Kimberly was going to say but she decided against it, offering her a little smile and wave before softly closing the door.

Kimberly texted her once she got home and they resumed to text all night until Trini fell asleep, feeling that giddy feeling that she never got to really to experience during high school.

—

Again, it was a little while before Trini had the chance to see Kimberly and Cleo, but she spent all of her spare time texting Kimberly, which was something very foreign to Trini, actually wanted to talk to someone.  

But Kimberly had been working a lot, and when she wasn’t working Trini was, so they hadn’t had the chance to meet up.

Trini was in bed early, she had spent all day either in classes or personal training, and had to do the same tomorrow, so she was exhausted.

Her phone woke her at one am.

“Hm?” She hummed sleepily.

“Trini?”

Trini noticed the panic in Kimberly’s voice immediately, pushing herself to sit upright. “Kim? What happened?"

"It's Cleo,”

“What happened? Do you need me to come over?”

“I need someone to drive us to the hospital,”

“Okay, I will be there in ten minutes.” Trini quickly got out of bed and pulled on her joggers. “Is she okay?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“I will be there soon.” Trini grabbed her hoodie and keys, quickly leaving her apartment.

Kimberly was outside her house when Trini pulled up outside, a drowsy Cleo in her arms.

“What happened?” Trini asked as Kimberly got into the back seat.

“She had a seizure,” Kimberly strapped herself in, keeping Cleo hugged against her chest. “Remember I said she hit her head in school today but the nurse said it was nothing,I think it is something to do with that.”

Cleo was taken immediately when they entered A&E and the doctors checked her over before taking her for a scan, leaving Trini and Kimberly waiting in the cubical.

“Hey,” Trini placed a hand on Kimberly’s leg, startling the woman out of her daze. Trini ducked her head to look Kimberly in the eye. “It’s not your fault.”

“I should’ve brought her in myself, I know better than to take the opinion of some who probably only gave her a quick once over.” Kimberly wiped at her eyes. “What if she has bleeding on the brain or…”

“Kim, stop.” Trini interrupted. “I know you can’t help it, you have your doctor head on, but try not to speculate anything, it will only cause you worry more.”

“Thank you for this,” Kimberly sniffed. “I know it’s late, and you’re busy.”

“No, don’t worry about it.” Trini moved her hand to rub Kimberly’s back. “I will call everyone in the morning and reschedule.”

“You don’t have to do that, Trin.”

“I know, but I don’t want to just leave you.”

Kimberly lifted her eyes to look a Trini, smiling softly at her. "Thank you," she whispered.

Trini just smiled a tight lipped smile and nodded once.

The scan, thankfully, turned up nothing. There was no bleeding on the brain but that there were a few lacerations that maybe have caused or been caused by the seizures.

"She is okay, we will have to monitor her, if she keeps having these seizures we will put her in anti-seizure medication." The doctor explained.

"Can we see her?"

"You can. She is asleep for now, we have her wired up to a machine that take and records her brainwaves, just to be sure there are no abnormalities."

The doctor lead Trini and Kimberly to the room Cleo was sleep in. At the sight of her pale daughter lying in the hospital bed Kimberly released a muffled little sob, which prompted Trini to pull her in, holding her tight against her.

"She's okay, Kim." Trini whispered. "She's okay."

Kimberly just held her tight, waiting to calm down before stepping away from Trini and over to the bed, taking a seat beside it.

"She can go home in the morning, doctor Hart."

Kimberly nodded, offering the doctor a grateful smile.

Trini took a seat beside Kimberly, tentatively running her fingertips along her bare arm.

"Are you sure you don't mind staying?"

"Of course not." Trini assured, smiling over at the tired woman. "You should try and sleep, Kim. She is probably going to sleep through the night."

"I probably should, but I doubt I will be able to." Kimberly turned her hand over when Trini ran her fingers over the back of her head, slipping their fingers together.

Trini stared down at their hands for a few seconds before returning her eyes to Cleo. "Understandable."

"I'm supposed to be doing a surgery early tomorrow, there's no way I will be in the right mind set to do it."

"Can they have someone else do it?"

"That can but-" Kimberly shrugged. "This kid has been in my care for over a year now."

"And you only trust yourself to do the surgery?" Trini hummed. "I get that, you're the best paediatric surgeon out there."

"That's not true,"

"That is entirely true," Trini disagreed. "But I'm sure another doctor will be able to handle it."

"Yeah," Kimberly sighed.

Cleo woke up terrified around ten the following day but calmed down as soon as she spotted her mother and Trini. After a few tests and a few more hours she was released, but told to come back in a week or if there were anymore seizures."

Trini drove them home, turning to Kimberly when she pulled up outside. The girl looked at her through tired eyes. "Will you come inside?"

"Of course," Trini readily agreed, turning off her car and getting out to grab Cleo.

Cleo was back to her usual self, all smiles and gabbing away and Trini felt a sense of relief wash over her.

Kimberly was exhausted, though, so Trini ordered her to go for a nap while she hung out with Cleo.

"Is mommy okay?" Cleo asked as they watched one of her shows.

"Yeah, of course she is." Trini smiled down at the girl. "You're mother is like Wonder Woman, kiddo. Out there saving lives."

"But Wonder Woman isn't always okay."

"That is true," Trini hummed. "Your mom is just a little tired, bud, she'll be okay."

"Am I okay?"

"Yeah, you're okay." Trini smiled reassuringly down at Cleo.

And she was, there were no more seizures the days that followed and the follow up scan showed no real abnormalities. The doctor told Kimberly that it is entirely possible she could have another seizure in the future, children with post traumatic seizures are more susceptible to having more than one.

But Cleo was healthy and had no ill affects from the seizure so Kimberly decided they were going out for dinner.

Zack, Jason and Billy were already there when they got there, all of them looking equally surprised that Trini was with Kimberly but didn't say anything. They had just got Cleo settled in her seat, in between her mom and Trini, when Tammi entered.

Tammi settled in beside Trini, offering Cleo a little first bump and the toy that she had brought her, which entertained her through the wait for food.

Kimberly was at the bathroom with Cleo when everyone around the table closed in on Trini, actually startling her a little.

"What is going on?" Zack asked.

"You both seem very... domesticated." Tammi added.

"Oh, shut up." Trini huffed.

"Are you both dating?" Jason questioned hopefully.

"No, we're not." Trini hissed, glancing at the bathroom door.

“Why?" Zack frowned. "You guys almost had something in high school."

Trini rolled her eyes. It was true, everyone but Trini and Kimberly had noticed the obvious spark between them. Trini knew she had feelings for Kimberly but never acted on them, especially after Kim started dating one of the boys on the football team, and definitely not after what happened in college.

"That was high school, Zack."

Kimberly exited from the bathroom then, prompting everyone to settle back in their seats.

After dinner Trini drove Kimberly home, accepting her invitation to come inside.

They settled in the sofa after Kimberly out Cleo to bed, watching some boring reality TV show.

Kimberly's eyes were drooping by nine o'clock, which prompted Trini to grab a pillow, placing it on her lap.

Kimberly frowned at her when she nodded down at it.

"It's a pillow, Kim. Lie on it."

"You must be exhausted, too. You didn't get a nap."

"I'm fine," Trini assured, patting the pillow.

Kimberly leant her head on Trini's lap, her eyes glittering when Trini ran her fingers through her hair.

Kimberly fell asleep pretty quickly and Trini was just snoozing a an hour later when she heard Cleo's door creek opened.

She glanced back at the bedroom spotting a shy, and somewhat panicked, looking Cleo.

"Hey, cutie. Are you okay?" Trini asked quietly, lifting Kimberly's head off of her lap and stood up.

"I had a nightmare." The girl muttered bashfully, rocking from foot to foot.

"Ok, hang on a second." Trini smiled calmly at the girl before grabbing the fluffy blanket from the back of the sofa and heading for the kitchen.

She stuffed the blanket into the dryer and turned it on.

"What are you doing?"

"Have you ever been wrapped in a toasty, fluffy blanket?" Trini asked, picking the young girl up as she walked towards her, rubbing her eye with one hand and the other stretched up at Trini. "It is amazing."

Cleo bobbed her head, clutching her arms tight around Trini's neck when she picked her up.

"You wanna talk about what it was about?"

"It was just a monster and a bad woman." Cleo shrugged, playing with Trini's braid as she calmly ran her hand up and down the girls back. "Where's mommy?"

"She is asleep in the living room."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Well, apart from the fact she is going to have a kink in her neck from the way she is sleeping." Trini assured. "Why? Was your dream about her?"

Cleo nodded, her cheek on Trini's shoulder as she twirled Trini's hair around his finger. "There was a woman and she hurt mommy and you. Aunt Tammi and uncle Jase, Z and Billy, too."

"You don't need to worry. Your mom is in the living room, I'm okay and everyone else is at home asleep." Trini promised.

"Can I call them?"

Trini glanced up at the clock, it was midnight, there was no doubt everyone would be asleep but she knew there was no way Cleo would be able to fall back asleep without seeing for herself that they was ok.

"Okay, but just Jason, okay?" Trini agreed, setting Cleo down on the counter before reaching over to pick up the house phone and finding Jason's number.

"Kim?"

"Jason, it's Trini."

"Trini?" Jason murmured, and Trini heard Billy asking what was wrong. "Is Kim okay? Is Cleo?"

"Yeah, they're both fine. Well, Cleo woke up after a bad nightmare, someone hurt us and she wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Oh, okay. Put her on."

Trini smiled at Cleo and handed her the phone.

"Hi, uncle Jase." The girl said timidly, wrapping the bottom of her pajama shirt around her little hand. "Yeah. Yeah, it was the same one." Cleo leant against Trini's hand when she ran her fingers calmingly through the girls long hair, nodding at what Jason was saying. "I love you, too. Babye."

Trini smiled at the girl as she handed her the phone, setting it back on the stand and moving the get the blanket from the dryer. "You okay now?"

Cleo nodded sleepily, burying into Trini's chest when she wrapped her up in blanket and lifted her off the counter. "Thank you, Aunt T."

Trini nodded, carrying Cleo into the living room and sat back down on her spot on the sofa, fixing Kimberly's head back over her lap.

Trini gentle rubbed Cleo’s back, even when she had fallen asleep, eventually falling asleep herself at around two.

—

Trini startled awake the following more with the sensation of Cleoleaving her arms, she gripped a little tighter, fearing she was falling, but relaxed when she noticed Kimberly standing over her.

"Sorry, I thought I would take her into her room.”

Trini nodded, yawning as Kimberly took Cleo out of her lap.

"Why was she out here?"

"Nightmare."

"Was it the one with all of us?” Kimberly asked, running her hand up and down her daughters back when she snuggled against her.

"Yeah. She asked me to let her call everyone last night, I couldn't really say no, so I let her call Jason.” Trini stretching her hands above her head as she sat up. "Is it a regular nightmare?"

"Yeah. It was a myth, a story about six warriors, and ever since she has had nightmares with all of us.” Kimberly explained, "I'm sorry she woke you."

“I was already awake,”

Kimberly nodded, carrying Cleo into her bed before falling back down on the sofa beside Trini, running her hand through her hair.

“How’re you holding up?” Trini asked, watching Kimberly carefully.

“I’m better, now.” Kimberly hummed. “I think I’m going to keep her off school today, but I need to go to work so I will have to call her baby sitter.”

“I would do it but I have double the classes today.”

“I know,” Kimberly hummed, placing a hand on Trini’s thigh. “Thank you, this would have been so much harder if you hadn’t been around.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Trini covered Kimberly’s hand with her own, tentatively at first before curling her fingers around her hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I want to be there for you.”

This statement forced Kimberly to look up at her, her eyes searching Trini’s for something, just what she was looking for, Trini wasn’t really sure. “Trin,” Kimberly whispered and Trini arched her eyebrow questioningly. Kimberly’s mouth opened again, like she was about today something but after a few seconds she jeer decided to life her hand to tentatively touch Trini’s cheek. Her eyes moved from Trini’s eyes, to her lips and back again. “Can I?”

Trini’s bottom lip quivered slight as she took a breath in, nodding her head slowly. “Yeah,” Trini said in a gruff voice.

Kimberly began leaning forward, her eyes slipping closed. Trini mirrored her movements, meeting Kimberly in the middle.

Trini felt her head thumb against her ribs as Kimberly moved her lips against her own, tentatively at first before her fingertips slid down Trini’s cheek and her neck, curling around the back and pulling Trini closer, effectively deepening the kiss.

Trini gasped when they separated, her brow furrowed and her mouth hanging open.

“You okay?” Kimberly questioned in a low, gravely voice.

“Mhm,” Trini hummed, cleaning her through as she opened her eyes.

Kimberly smiled when they made eye contact again. “Hey,”

“Hey,” Trini’s lips pulled into a large smile. “I need to get going soon, I have a class at nine.”

“Just kissing and leaving me,”

“Never,” Trini swore, her hand sliding up to Kimberly’s hip. “I will stop by tonight, if that is okay? I can make you dinner?”

“A date?”

“A date,” Trini confirmed, smiling hopefully at Kimberly. “What do you say?”

“I say hell yes,” Kimberly pressed her lips together to try and prevent the smile that was pulling at the corner of her lips. She failed miserably. “Go get changed and beat people up.”

“You go get changed and cut people up.”

Kimberly laughed, shaking her head at Trini and pushed at her shoulder. “Get out of here.”

Trini hopped off the sofa, moving to the back and leaning her hands on to backboard, smiling down at Kimberly. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Kimberly smiled coyly up at Trini.

Trini gently took ahold of Kimberly’s chin, tilting her head back and planting a lingering kiss on Kimberly’s lips. “Bye,” she whispered against her lips.

“Bye,” Kimberly breathed back.

Trini forced herself to leave then, because if she didn’t she knew she probably wouldn’t leave at all.

She was giddy the entire ride home, a little smile playing on her lips every time she thought about or their impending date.

[swearronchanel]

continuing the hiatus with 4.05

Well I'm here avoiding responsibilities as usual, pretending that I don't have class in the morning or any laundry to do but like I said I've been watching shameless and I need a little wholesome ctm to balance it out lol & @ilovemushystuff recommended I watch 4.05 *thank u 😌*but let us go on this journey together 🙃...

the clothes lines remind me of home bc we don't have a dryer in our apartment haha & when it's cold out my mom hangs everything up around the house it's a hilarious nyc struggle lol

my bby shelagh!! 💕 so precious pushing the pram! omg we get to see this again next series *hopefully* with unnamed baby turner 😭!!

aw I miss summer!! I love being out in the summer *plus my birthday is in August*🙃

Ahh aren't we glad Shelagh got new dresses, cause I'm not feeling this one lol

Jenny Agutter's smile w/ her eyebrows raised >>, am I right

Wait this is the osteogenesis imperfecta case right ??

Laura looking angelic but that is not at all new, I just have to always mention it

Now all I can do is stare at her hair bc of this debate earlier 😂 what color?? 

but damn I don't like this dress either I forgot how disrespectful the costume designers were in series 4😂😂

Patrick grabbing her hand saying thank you ugh so pure 😭😢

"Two weeks in Lyme Regis does sound nice" ugh Shelagh's so adorable but LETS HERE IT FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT™ BC SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY ASK TO GO ON  HOLIDAY EVEN THOUGH SHE OBVIOUSLY WANTED TO & IN THE NEXT SERIES SHE PLANNED THE WHOLE DAMN TRIP WITHOUT TELLING HIM👏🏼 LOVE IT lol even though camping was a disaster

It's been 3 fucking mins and look at all the shit I've said wow I hate me

Pats and Trix!! I miss their friendship

Haha omg this is right after Trixie and Tom broke up #awkward

"Wild peach, isn't it glorious?" I love my other bby trixie. We are so similar but she's better 💕

PHYLLIS OUT HERE YES

"Roasted like a Sunday dinner" LMAO

aw this is the episode with the Sylheti mum, here's some quality early Babs

SISTER E 😭😭😭 I miss her aww

Omg &Sister Mary Cynthia! she just became a nun aw I miss her being so happy 💔 I hope she's in the Christmas special or Series 7 Premiere

"Ready?" ugh I just think of all the times we're heard that, like Trixie asking Shelagh when she was about to get married *hello my two favs interacting its iconic for me* or when Trixie told Sister MC off she wanted to ask her if she was ready when she went to become a postulant like if she was getting married,  my heart 😭 UPDATE: I made a post about it

speaking of my gal Beatrix here she is again

I want to be that platinum blonde tbh

Sister Julienne saying "little man" yes I'm here for this such thing

little Raymond like ST Raymond or the baby that was left on the steps .. wait what happened to him? I forgot lol it's been a while

I do not like Sister Mj's absence

but yes her nephew! Did he just like stop picking her up??

Aw Trixie wanted to hug sister MC I can tell, nuns can hug though why didn't she?

we were robbed of a cute sister MC & sister W young- nun dynamic duo

but I like sister Winifred so much more now she's lowkey golden

Diphtheria yikes

LMAO FRED HAS A DU RAG ON ??

I forgot that the old nurses uniforms were so washed out looking

sweetie, if a ANGLICAN NUN is telling you the baby needs more than prayer wouldn't you believe it ??

like wtf is Christian scientist anyway, yo no se

lol calm down Barbara that's a lot to translate

woah Pat's looks hella good with her hair like that 😍

my bby Trixie serving looks but is heartbroken 😍😢💔

THE PICTURE OF HER AND CYNTHIA!! THAT IS NOW ON HER VANITY MIRROR !! MY H E A R T

*twerks to the bicycle song*

"She says where he goes, we go - even the moon" ahh again my heart!! & it's so similar to what shelagh said in the last Christmas special 😭💕 *i think it was a bible reference but I can't remember bc my memory is fuzzy from being a reckless heathen* jk jk😂

How does a faja type belt help her?

I initially really liked Trixie and Tom but I'm so glad they found better matches

yo I'd be shook though if my baby's bones kept breaking and I didn't know why omg

The nurses being cute eating popsicles outside lol

aw wait Fred and Violet weren't together yet here, they're so cute haha

again so wild, like imagine no one knowing what your baby is hurt and no one believing that you didn't abuse your child?! I cNt

so scary

Ameerah is so pretty & how sweet omg she brought Babs a dish. She misses having girl friends omg!

The Poor Pentergasts

I feel you Mrs ^, I scream into my hands at least 3x a day *for obvs diff reasons*

Baby Angela💕💕 so precious

aw Patrick & Shelagh😭 but now that shelagh's been on her nightie game this blue nightgown should finally go #hereforthebrinylon™

Shit now Patrick is going to realize and blame himself

let Patrick not feel guilty for anything in series 7, cut this guy a break pls

osteogenesis imperfecta yup I remembered ✔️ well I remember watching this with my mom & her calling if before they knew it and I was annoyed bc She can't just watch she always has to be a nurse & put her opinion out there😂 like we watched the finale yesterday and I thought there'd be some suspense but nah she knew the pill gave her a deadly blood clot😒she was surprised they killed the first women described it to though

Shelagh's face while Patrick gets in the ambulance 😭💔

I miss the nuns singing !! mainly miss Laura singing but still!! it's very peaceful you feel?? let me hear some hymns

I feel you Patrick, you smoke that cig

Alright damn Mr Pentergast, I feel your anger but wtf were they supposed to think??

I get anxious watching Patrick be anxious tbh omg xzjkalsfo

the way he fidgets the pen so relatable

Shelagh kissing him on the forehead and the cheek 😢😭💔💕melts my cold little heart

"I don't want my Geraldine being seen by the receptionist" fuck u lady she's the best damn nurse out here Lmaoo

But seriously did everyone just forget she was a nurse/midwife when she was a nun? it has only been like a year since she left and got married so I wouldn’t think people would forget just yet but maybe? wtf lol. I feel like their story was such gossip that it'd be unforgettable? that's just me Lmaoo

Go get that uniform Shelagh!!!

she's so patient, dios te bendiga. She’s too good.

my angry self would've been like "do 👏🏼 ya👏🏼not👏🏼get👏🏼that👏🏼I 👏🏼was👏🏼 a nurse 👏🏼and 👏🏼delivered 👏🏼like 👏🏼half 👏🏼of 👏🏼your👏🏼 gremlin 👏🏼 children?!" Or "you don't want me to help? Okay there's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out"!

SHE'S GETTING THE UNIFORM PEOPLE

okay I don't think I've ever thought about it until now but Shelagh talks about Patrick's war neurosis with Sister Julienne like she already knew?? I bet Shelagh went to her after the adoption interview 😭

ugh I love their friendship/relationship it's so pure

This whole show is so pure! how can it remind you of the darkness in the world while still giving you faith in humanity??  There's nothing like it

I told you I caught my mom up with series 6 & she was just like "I can't believe we have to wait so long. Why can't America make a show as great as this?"

I then said "I know I have like no reason to live until Christmas" but she said i was being dramatic oops

*cue in the mirror*✨

SHE'S PUTTING ON THE UNIFORM PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

you guys don't get how happy this made me when I first saw it omg, I was so tired of seeing her sad/upset and lost and distressed and everything but happy but THEN SHE PUT THE UNIFORM ON AND THE LITTLE HAT AND LOOKED IN THE DAMN MIRROR WITH HER MILLON DOLLAR SMILE AND I WANTED TO COMBUST I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS IN TEARS😭😭💖💖

SHELAGH TURNER DESERVES THE WORLD AND MORE, I WILL ALLOW NO ONE TO DISAGREE

AND IF U DO WE CAN FIGHT RN

I'm so proud of how far my bby has come ugh I can't deal

It's 1am why am I being a little emotional bitch™ ?? Ugh I just love this character

I'd fight for Shealgh or Trixie/ Laura and Helen in real life. They are gifts we don't deserve

BUT ALSO, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME ALL THESE PEOPLE DIDNT BELIEVE SHE WAS A NURSE & THEN SAW HER IN A NURSE UNIFORM THE NEXT TIME AND QUESTIONED NOTHING???

Like I know it wasn't the same people but still word gets around?

Shelagh and Tim's hug aww

Can we pls see a cute moment between them? We were played with that hospital scene in 6.4 bc it was like 2 seconds long

Patrick's pyjamas though >

the flat filled with things from patients is so sweet aww

How did no one else in Ameera's house get sick though?

Angela looking so adorable wow what a pretty baby

the real million $ question is, will we ever see Mrs B? Probs not Lmaoo

Still waiting for the day Timothy Turner has an angsty teen moment bc his unrealistic perfect child-ness has been going on too long

Disregarding that time he was mean to Shelagh in series 3, I won't forget it bc I wanted to smack him 😂👋🏼

*shelagh voice* Dr Turner's back to save poplar from ill health and disease

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SHELAGH WHEN HE REALIZES IT WAS HER IN THE NURSES UNIFORM

ALSO I'm sure he realized a kink he didn't know he had lol 😭😂

tracheotomy 😬 how do they make it look so real ahhh!? wild

"..Because I have you" BYEEEE 😭😭💖💔💔💔 my heart melted into a puddle & I can no longer live

the first kiss that you can't even see !! But still it took a season & a half for the married couple to kiss!😂

Ok shh Vanessa is gonna say something profound I must hear

Who tf am i talking to? I'm losing my damn marbles

And yes that's a Hook reference

"Humanity is fragile and all the sunshine in the world can't save the frail or make the delicate invincible but love has the power to strengthen and protect and guide us to a place where we feel sheltered and fulfilled. Where it doesn't matter if it rains for we are home and dry"

UGH SUCH GOLD!!!

And Shelagh holding Angela next to Ameerah and her new baby, my heart!!

such an amazing show

The End.. until next time..

[redrosydiaz]

Okay so I was tagged by @fairieswithoutwings to do one of those like “get to know me” kind of post things, which like wow, I’m surprised that I was tagged in one of these! Like I didn’t ever expect to be so it’s pretty cool! Thanks!! :)

Anyyyywayyyyssss...

Name/nickname/whatever you prefer to be called?

My friends usually just call me by my full name, Mackenzie, but sometimes they call me ‘Mack’. Some of my soccer coaches in the past have called me ‘G’ or “Gal’ because of my last name but yeah, I don’t really go by nicknames that much. Wouldn’t mind it though!

Pronouns?

She/Her :)

Age?

I’m currently 17 (a little more than 4 months away from 18 though, but who’s counting?) (Me. I’m counting. I’m definitely counting)

Fav Skam character?

This is SUCH a tough question oh man. (I love them all is that an acceptable answer? lol) Ummm... I’m gonna have to go with either Isak or Even, as cliche as it seems. When I saw Isak in season one he was this cute, adorable, little bean and I dunno, it was kinda just love at first sight lol. And then in season three, my love for him just grew and grew and grew because throughout his season we see him going through some tough shit and the way he handles most of it and becomes more aware of things and is open to learning and exploring things is very admirable. Like ofc he definitely speaks before he thinks about what he’s going to say sometimes, like the comments he makes to Eskild about gay pride, and also the comment to Even in the locker room (we all know exactly what I’m talking about here), but the thing is, he doesn’t just let them go or deny that he said those things. He actively takes responsibility for them and realizes that he messed up or said something wrong and he tries to fix it, and I think that’s really important. He does a lot of growing and learning and I just love that he’s willing to do that growing and learning. Also, I really love how despite how much he tries to make himself seem like this ‘cool’ guy, like ‘look at me I wear snapbacks and listen to ‘90s hip hop and smoke weed’, he’s really just this big loving dork who gets blushy and embarrassed and is actually really intelligent and loves biology and old memes (honestly tho boy, you gotta get updated on your meme collection it’s looking very #yike) and has a soft spot for his friends. Like I just really love Isak. 

Okay and Even. Damn, where do I begin with Even? He’s such a complex character and I actually love that so much, like there are so many different layers to him and I felt like every episode we peeled one back and found another waiting to be explored. I really really love how he’s so much more than just the love interest. Like a lot of shows bring on a character as the love interest for the main character and they’re kind of just there and don’t really have that much background to them. But with Even... oh mannnn. Boy do we get background. He’s more than just Isak’s love interest and that makes me really appreciative. I also think his mental illness was dealt with in such a wonderful way. Now, I’m no expert on mental illnesses, but I feel like they did a fantastic job at portraying one. It seemed very real and I loved how it wasn’t just boom he had an episode which we didn’t witness and everything’s suddenly better within a day. Like even I know that’s not how it is, and they didn’t do that. They showed the good and the bad and I think that made me fall in love with Even too. Seeing the good and the bad just showed that he’s not perfect, nobody is, and we all have to go through shit. It’s part of life. And that just made him seem even more real. Also, I love how as the season progressed he became more real. Like in the beginning, since we’re seeing everything through Isak’s eyes, Even kinda appears like this gorgeous ‘way outta my league’ kind of guy, like he was the epitome of cool, super untouchable, right. But then throughout the episodes that air of ‘too cool’ kinda disappeared and once again we were left with this absolute dork, who loves movies and cooking and Gabrielle, who gets insecure about things too, who isn’t as perfect as we originally thought. Like I just want to be his best friend and sit and talk with him for hours about everything under the sun (god, he would be such a good conversationalist omg. He definitely strikes me as that person that can literally talk about anything and everything that comes to mind and actually make that conversation enjoyable. Like he could probably bring up like some dumb math theorum or whatever and I’d be intrigued lol). He’s precious and needs to be protected at all costs. (Honestly I could talk about him for HOURS. Hmu if ya wanna tho lol I’d be up for it)

When did you start watching Skam?

Okay so I started watching Skam midway through season 3, so episode 6 was the first episode I watched in ‘real time’. I was on Tumblr one day (instead of doing my homework... which is kind of what I’m doing now... lol sorry AP Gov, you’re not important right now) and I was scrolling through my dash and I kept seeing a bunch of posts with these two boys cuddling together (that first clip from episode 5 you know the one ;)) and I reblogged a couple of them even though I had no idea what this show was yet, but I remember thinking to myself okay s’cute I’ll check it out. And that’s when I fell down the rabbit hole lol. No, but honestly? Best decision I ever made. I remember it was the first day of Thanksgiving break when I found this show and I watched all of season 3 as of then that night, then Tuesday night I went back and watched season 1, Wednesday I watched all of season 2, and then Thursday I rewatched season 3 so I’d be ready for the new episode on Friday. And I was Hooked™. 

When did you make your blog?

Oh god, ummm, I honestly have no idea the date (or even the year for that matter lol). I know I’ve had it a few years though. I used to be a hardcore One Direction account, I shipped Larry (not super extra about it though I was super chill), like I was so invested in that band omfg, but now I kinda don’t care what’s going on with them? Like, I just gradually stopped caring. I stopped constantly checking for updates and now when new stuff happens I’m kinda just like oh okay cool whatever. Like I’m not badmouthing them, I still enjoy their music and all, I just stopped being obsessive I suppose. Which, I’m kinda glad about tbh lol. Idk I just don’t think it was very good to be that invested. But yeah, now this blog is kinda a mosh of different stuff I like. Like rn it’s mainly Skam but I’ll post about Harry Potter or Marvel or Sherlock.

Who are you cheering for to be s4′s main?

EVEN. Oh my god you have no idea how much I want Even to be the main. Like I’m probably HELLA getting my hopes up and I’m gonna be super disappointed if it’s not him (mainly bc I’m so convinced he should be (but ofc I’m gonna be thrilled with whoever they do choose!!)) But yeah, there’s just so many reasons why he should be the main. Like I said earlier he’s a super complex character and I feel like we’ve only scratched the surface. Like there’s so many things we don’t know about him and I’m so damn curious to find out everything about him. I also think it would be really cool if we had a season from the point of view of someone with a mental illness so we could see how normal they are. Because people sometimes think that just because someone’s mentally ill or something like that that they’re totally different, but in reality they’re probably not that different from you and me. I think it would provide so much exposure for that and be super informative and helpful and just lovely, because Skam always does the loveliest job portraying things. Not to mention, he’s graduating this year and I think it would be so good to see him successfully graduate. It would show people that yes, it’s possible and yes you can do it. (I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about my tol bean graduating omg!) Alsooo, this is literally our last chance to have Even as a main. Like I said, he’s graduating this year so once this year is over he won’t be at Nissen anymore, which is kind of like a requirement of the mains sooo. (Plus I was discussing this with someone I follow and we were talking about how it would make the most sense and be a very smart move from a marketing point of view to have Even as the main because a bunch of people are super invested in him and if he’s the main it would bring a lot of viewers because of that investment) (Plus the transition to s4 would be smooth as hell). Ideally, it would be perfect if it went like this: Even for S4, Sana for S5, and Vilde for S6. Fingers crossed this is what we get!!

Who do you think is most likely to be s4′s main?

I feel like Even’s definitely got a chance. But I also think Sana does too. If it’s not Even (I’m in too deep help) I think it’ll for sure be Sana (which yessss, I love Sana omg). 

What are your main interests?

Main interests... welllll, if it’s not already obvious I love obsessing over tv shows lol. Nah, but I’m super into watching movies (not quite on Even’s level but I’m working my way up there), like marathoning is my fave. I’m super into photography. I’m in a photography class in school right now, but I love taking pictures of everything really. And I’m super happy because I just got my own camera for Hanukkah this year and I’ve been asking for the past few years so I’m so happy about that. I enjoy reading too, I’m a sucker for a good book. (recs anyone? lol) I also like to write, even though I’ve never actually sat down and written anything completely. Like seriously, look at my computer and you’ll see a million files of half written, started and abandoned fics. I’ve been trying to get myself to actually finish one but who knows if that’ll ever happen lol. Oh and I play soccer too, have been since I was 4! Definitely one of my favorite things to do! 

Something you’re always up to discuss?

Literally anyting? Like hmu I’m always open to talk about things. I love love love Harry Potter so if you ever want to talk about anything that has to do with Harry Potter I’m soo beyond down. I really enjoy talking about Literature as well. I’m in an AP Lit class this year and it’s actually my favorite class ever. We’ve read so many interesting books and I’ve learned so much and me and my pals are literally the biggest Lit nerds you’d ever find, we’ll sit and discuss our books for hours when we go out to coffee or are at lunch. Speaking of coffee, whenever me and my friends get coffee we always end up having these super deep conversations about politics or religion or things like that and those conversations are actually so enjoyable, so like if you’re an open minded person and you’re not trying to shove your belief/opinion down my throat I could definitely talk with you about those things. I think talking about politics or religion and stuff like that really helps you keep an open mind because it allows you to see things from other people’s point of view, and that’s pretty cool. 

I’m always up for making new friends, especially here, so I’m up for chatting if anyone wants to!! :))

Something you refuse to discuss?

Umm, nothing super specific is coming to mind. But when it comes to politics or religion I refuse to speak to someone about these things if they only want to explain their views/opinions and think that it’s their way or the highway and try to shove it down my throat and aren’t open to hearing what other people think. Like you don’t have to like what I’m saying and you definitely don’t have to agree, but you need to be able to listen and at least be open to hearing a different point of view. So yeah, I guess it’s not really a what I refuse to discuss but more of a who I refuse to discuss with lol.

Other favorite shows aside from Skam?

Too many. Omfg. Okay I’m hella into Criminal Minds. That show is one of my all time favorites. I actually decided that I want to study Criminal Justice and Psychology and actually become a profiler because of that lol. I just think it’s such a cool show and what they do is so interesting so yeah, that show has actually influenced my career goals haha. I also love Parks and Rec- that show is funny as hell and it’s one of those shows I’m always down to rewatch. Oh, I watched Stranger Things this year and that show is just yes. So good oh man. I love the movie Super 8 with a passion and when I watched Stranger Things I got such a Super 8 vibe which I looooved so yeah I definitely love that show and would consider it a favorite. American Horror Story is pretty awesome too, though I haven’t been that impressed with their last few seasons, still a great show though! Ooh I just started watching Sherlock this year (I watched it all in like a week oops?), love that show! Supernatural oh my god I loove that show so much! Jensen and Jared are my absolute favorites oh man. I haven’t finished the show yet I’m only about halfway through season 6 lol but I heard it was renewed for season 13 so that’s pretty cool! Some honorable mentions: How I Met Your Mother was good, I watched That ‘70s Show not that long ago, that was pretty funny, I just finished The Office. I feel like I’m missing some key shows I love but yeah that’s all I can think of right now.

Anyways, I hope some of you take the time to read this, I know I don’t have that many followers and I’m not like a popular blog or anything lol. But yeah this took me a while to write and it was pretty fun to do. 

I dunno if any of the people I’m about to tag have done this or not yet but I’m too lazy to scroll through all their blogs and see so if I tag you and you’ve already done it cool, my bad. (Tagging some of my favorite accounts and people I consdier pals! :))

@desert-pluviophile @skammed @adamparishe @isakneven @shadeandadidas @skamwhat @ravenclawisak @bloonstuff @skamz

[rheasunshine]

Greetings fellow travelers,

I hope that wherever you’re reading this from, you are safe.

I haven’t been safe in awhile.

Yes, I have a roof over my head. (A new, expensive one at that; first year home-ownership can be stressful).

Yes, I have food and water.  (Well, sometimes there’s food – usually the fridge is empty-ish and even when it’s not, I’m not really into eating it.)  This fact alone makes me safer than millions and millions of people.

I am – generally speaking – not in danger.

Except last week.  Last week,  I was in a lot of danger.  And it wasn’t the first time.

It comes as no surprise to anyone following my story that as a “Professional Patient” I spend most of my days balancing doctors appointments and symptom-tracking and medications. To be honest (and you should always be honest, right Justin?), I’ve been doing a truly shitty job managing my illnesses.  It starts simply enough – one bad day.  That bad day leads to two, and by then I’ve decided nothing I could do matters and I let go of the controls.  Sounds healthy, right?

So a couple of weeks ago, as I was juggling my annual OBGYN visit, IUD discussions, a urology referral, a visit to UNC to discuss my constant nausea and further testing, a mammogram, vision testing for new glasses and contacts (and WAY more money than we have), my therapy visits and then 3 or 4 “normal” appointments, I kind of lost my mind.

The thing is, it wasn’t even beyond the scope of normal; that’s a pretty average week in my life.  Where things started to go sideways was in the creeping, slinking, insidious feeling that an MS relapse – or something worse – was coming on.  I’ve described this enough times that I feel we are all comfortable with what this looks like, so I’ll just summarize by saying that at this point in the story I was no longer in control of my motions, thoughts, words or feelings.

When Thommy and I went on our annual wedding anniversary trip in early October, we spent most of our time playing the previously referred to “ER or nah??” game.  I didn’t want to go to an ER out of state (we were in Tennessee) so we just assumed the worst was yet to come and tried to enjoy what we could of the Smokey Mountains.  BUT, because my brain wasn’t working properly, I forgot to pack both my cane AND my handicap placard, so we weren’t able to do much sightseeing or exploring.  In fact, we barely left the condo.  Since we’ve been married for 9 years, and together for 13, we don’t need a lot of special attractions to enjoy a trip; just being in each others’ presence is special enough.

At the Tennessee Welcome Center

So let’s catch up: we got home, the symptoms got way worse, and on Friday, October 27th, I went again to see my primary care doctor.  He took an X-Ray of my neck first to see if that could explain some of the symptoms.  Luckily, it did a little – I now have 3 herniated discs and something wrong with the curvature of my spine – and had we not had more pressing issues he said we would be discussing physical therapy, cortisone shots and possibly surgery – but since I couldn’t feel my leg or finish a complete sentence, we had bigger problems.

  He sent me over to the hospital as a direct admit. He assured me they would give me sedatives before the MRI of my brain, thoracic and cervical spine (a 2 hour procedure), but the hospital was experiencing a severe shortage of IV Valium so they gave me Ativan instead, and it did nothing, except possibly make me MORE agitated.  Over the course of my stay they tried 7 IVs.  2 blew.  One nurse cried and I did everything I could to convince her it was me, not her.

It is now Sunday, November 5th and it hurts just to type this.  But what I want to say is important; I was diagnosed as having another MS flare.

After 3 MS medications THIS YEAR ALONE.

After the hell of Ocrevus JUST TWO MONTHS AGO.

The reason MS patients put up with all the bullshit is to STAY OUT of relapses.  I tortured myself all year just to end up here anyway.  And that’s JUST the MS – never mind everything else in my body hatching plans against me.

So.  They prescribe 3 days of IV steroids (WHY, GOD, WHY?), fluids and pain management. Fine. I’m pissed but I can do this.  What’s 3 more days in the hospital?  I am safe.

Except.

Except…

I can’t do it.  I am not safe.

A psychiatrist comes to talk to me on the day of discharge.  “Are you safe at home?”

(Mental checklist: roof, food, check.)

“Yes.”

“OK,” she says, “do you have thoughts of hurting yourself or others?”

Let’s do the easy one first.  Do I want to hurt others? Like this guy – this guy here who SLEPT IN A CHAIR FOR 3 DAYS AND BARELY LEFT MY SIDE AND DECKED OUT OUR ROOM IN PENN STATE STUFF FOR THE GAME DESPITE THE FACT THAT I KEEP YELLING AT HIM AND CRY INCOHERENTLY??  No.  No, I do not want to hurt him.

(Well, I didn’t.  But now that I’m at home, in pain, miserable and riding steroid rage, ummmm…..)

But do I want to hurt myself?

Yes.  I want to find a way to trump the pain I’m in every day, I want to be the one doing the hurting, actively, so I’m no longer passively being injured, I want it to be quiet, I want it to stop, I want it to end.  Please.  Make it all stop.

“Would you allow yourself to be voluntarily committed to our behavior health unit?”

What’s left to hide from? What’s left to be scared of? I’ve seen the worst, I’ve felt the worst, I’ve been in the dark for a long time.

What it feels like she’s asking is, “Do you want to save what’s left of you?”

“Yes.”

And that’s where another story starts and ends.  The only other time I’ve been hospitalized for mental health issues since Renfrew, and this time it was only 3 days because on the chaotic and teary night of admission I signed my 72 hour release form. (They really should make you wait until morning to do that, but what do I know…)

So basically I asked to leave before I had even fully been processed.

But that’s OK because 3 days in a psych unit is a powerful time.  Every single person you meet changes you forever.  And I want to do justice to that story so we’ll save it for another day.

But what I want you to know now is that on Monday, November 6th, I will start a 6 week intensive partial hospitalization; that means from 9am to 1pm I’ll be in intensive therapy, both group and individual and I’ll meet each week with a psychiatric nurse to continue to adjust my medications and with a psychiatrist to keep this journey moving.  In addition, I can still see my normal therapist once a week, who I’ve been seeing for two years, and who has been remarkable.

There are three other things I want you to know, and they are so important to me, that I’m asking you to really hear the words in your head – and I’m asking you to remember.

1.) I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for Thommy, my mom, a handful of the best friends I actually don’t deserve, and a tribe of “Rhea Team” warriors who pray for me and send me their positive energy and their love and their notes and their gifts and who keep showing up despite the tedious repetition of my illnesses and shortcomings.  I know that I am blessed.  I do not take it for granted.  Please keep reminding me of the good things – please keep your words of love and light coming; it’s my way out of the darkness.

2.) You need to vote better.  Sorry if that’s whiplash but it’s true.  You and me both.  I am getting the most amazing, thorough and continued treatment because of insurance.  There was a time I didn’t have that.  And there were people I met in the hospital who were released before they were stable because of insurance. Cuts to mental health services, Medicare, Medicaid, etc, literally, literally, literally KILL PEOPLE.  I might be one of them. Vote in every election you can for leaders who will protect those services.  I can’t believe this country works that way but here we are.

3.) Mental health stigma needs to end.  And it can start with you.  Stop using the word “crazy” a dozen times a day when it’s not necessary.  That’s the easy one – challenge yourself today and see what happens.  Don’t use diagnoses as adjectives.  OCD, bipolar, schizophrenia, manic/mania, depressed, anorexic/bulimic, PTSD, cutting/cutters/self-harmers … all those things are real life.  They can be nightmares that people may never wake up from.  Some of us will get help and regulate it but we ALL need to stop carrying around the shame of it.  It is not a punchline to your shitty joke.  If someone trusts you enough to share their story with you: listen without judgement.  You don’t have to fix them.  You don’t have to feel their pain to help them through it.  You can hold space with love and respect and allow them to process their emotions freely.  Not everyone is ready to accept help  – it is not your job to lecture them. Memorize the number to the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255) so that you can provide a resource to someone is crisis. (Obviously, if it’s an emergency, call 911).  But from experience, I can say that I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had a meltdown on the phone with someone while I told them I couldn’t make it one more day – and the act of simply being heard has kept me here one more day.

One more day.

That’s what’s left.

Or, like we talked about in the hospital, one more minute.  It’s 7:31am right now.  Can I make it until 7:32am? What can bridge those 60 seconds? Breathing? Medication? A phone call?

I know I said I needed you to know 3 things, but I lied, there’s one more:

I am not ashamed.  As someone with complex mental illnesses AND complex physical illnesses, stuffing that all inside and hiding it from the world is what usually gets me into the darkest recesses of my mind and keeps me buried.  As someone with mental illness, I *DO* feel guilty, all the time, for hundreds of things, real and imaginary; but, what I don’t feel guilty about, is sharing this with you.  There is a level of self-loathing I experience that I didn’t even have words for until I was on the psych unit, but my head will not hang one inch lower after posting this and sharing it.  I hope if you read this and you want to talk, you reach out.  I hope if you read this, and you are so inclined, you share it with your circle because there might be someone who needs to read it and know help is out there and they don’t have to feel alone or ashamed.

I’m redefining myself with the pieces of what’s left; and with each new illness and test and hospitalization and med change, etc., I do feel like I lose some of the person I wanted to be.  Or at least the person I thought I was.  But there is so much power in realizing you can create someone new.  And know this: if you’ve had to do this (I mean, REALLY, do this): you are a fucking superhero.  Suit up.  Here’s your cape…

xoxo

Rhea

What’s Left. Greetings fellow travelers, I hope that wherever you're reading this from, you are safe. I haven't been safe in awhile.