#i was like careful (insecure) it’s been a minute since wash day

[savcir-faire]

every time a man touches me and says “you’re so soft” i scoff and start makin out w him and every time a woman does it i go all blushy nd say thanks it’s jergens!!!!!! absolutely no point to this post, just a brag abt how i have sex, have 0 rizz when it comes to girls, nd also very soft skin apparently

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

They unknowingly bring up an insecurity Seungmin|Pt1

Pt2 Pt3

Your heart was strung in your throat. Seungmin was always one to tease; and for the most part he was good about shying away from topics you were sensitive about so no problems had ever arisen. But as you read over his texts over and over again you felt your heart pinch in a way that was all to similar to what you had felt in your previous relationship.

"You talk too much, you know that?" Your ex had told you that numerous times, and eventually it led to a break up. And your constant yapping became something that made you insecure.

But when you first met Seungmin you felt like you were perfect the way you were. Chan had said you would balance Seungmin out quite well. And up until now you felt as if that were the case.

Now you wondered if maybe you did become to much.

Maybe the constant chatter had become annoying to the quiet boy you loved dearly.

And while you had been in love numerous times before, it hurt more to even think of losing Seungmin than all your previous heart breaks combined. And that was a lot considering you had always been the one to have your heart broken.

You couldn't tear yourself away from your phone screen - rereading those texts and overanalyizing the tone.

Maybe it was in a light hearted way? Or maybe it was the complete opposite and it was fully aggression?

You sat there trying to pick apart every single meaning, connotation, and tone the words he sent could have when your phone dimed again.

"I'm guessing your busy shopping since my phone has been quite for more than fifteen minutes. Haha, I think that's a first!"

You did everything in your power to try and bite back the knot in your throat from coming up and causing tears. So much so your eyes started to burn and you ended up shedding a few quietly.

The rest of the day you busied yourself with miniscule little tasks like dusting the fans and sweeping the welcome mat that you intended to take along with you when you moved in with Seungmin.

You tried to take your mind off of the texts. You figured Seungmin didn’t mean it in anyway malicious sort of way. In fact you knew he meant it as a lighthearted joke. In the time you had spent with him you had easily learned just how kind and loving of a person he was, and how much he cared for you.

You just couldn’t shake the hurt from those words - and more importantly the fear you had deep down that there was some truth to the words he had sent.

By the time Seungmin arrived at your apartment it was early evening. Every Wednesday you guys would cook together ever since you witnessed him and Felix blowing food up by accident on a live. Seungmin followed the normal routine of slipping off his shoes and into his house slippers and immediately changing into a cheap shirt he had bought when you first had started your endeavors since he was smart enough to realize he was a messy cook.

“Hey baby.” He said as he greeted you with a quick hug from behind and a chaste kiss to the cheek before he went to wash his hands.

You have a small noise of acknowledgement as Seungmin dried his hands off on a plaid towel and turned to you with happy anticipation.

“What are we cooking today?”

“Spaghetti and meatballs.” You replied as you started to grab the necessary ingredients. Seungmin followed you around like a happy puppy and helped you a carry everything to the counter you reserved for preparation of ingredients.

“So how do we start?” Seungmin asked. By now he had noticed your face was a little droopy and your responses were short and if there was any conversation it was only in answer to his initiation.

“With the ground beef.” You said as you pulled out a big bowl to put the meat and seasonings in. Seungmin watched you from his peripheral as you poured in some panco bread crumbs and a bunch of other various aromatic seasonings while he opened up the meat packaging.

As he kneeled everything with his hands he tried asking you about your day.

“So did you end up ordering the mugs baby?”

“No, I didn’t.” Silence.

“Oh…maybe after dinner we can look on Etsy together? Or maybe find a website to customize them? It might seem like a lot but I think the guys would really appreciate your sentiment.”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Silence.

Seungmin started to roll out oddly and unevenly shaped meatballs and continued to try and ask you questions as you guys worked, but your answers we short. Not rude. But literally short.

Not thouroghly explained like usual.

Even at dinner you were quiet and barely even touched your food.

“Do you not feel good baby?” Seungmin asked you as you played with a piece of garlic bread.

“I feel okay…maybe a little tired.” You said popping the piece into your mouth as if to show you were feeling fine.

Seungmin sighed and put his fork down.

“Did my text hurt your feelings?” He had been worrying about it all day when he had seen you had left him on read. It was an odd thing but nevertheless endearing when you would finish a conversation over text and send a meme to him just to acknowledge the end of the conversation, and to make sure he “didn’t find it hurtful” that you had left him on read. Even if he constantly assured you it was in no way shape or form a problem.

You hadn’t sent him a meme. And the more he thought about it he realized that his humor might not have translated through text.

“Im sorry if I hurt your feelings. It was a joke, Y/N. I would never purposefully want to hurt you. I love when you share about your day. I was a bit tied up so while you texting me might have been inconvienent at the moment doesnt mean I don’t appreciate you wanting me to know everything about what you are doing. I love that you want me to be a part of your life , even the tiny thing.”

“It’s okay babe.” You replied putting a smile on your face. “I know you didn’t mean it to hurt me. I’m just tired that’s all.” You let out a breath as you stood up and collected Seungmin’s plate. “Maybe we can just watch a movie instead of shopping? I just don’t feel like thinking very much right now in any capacity…” You let out quietly.

“Of course.” Seungmin responded, trailing you into the kitchen as you set the plates in the sink. “I love you.” He said quietly, his voice lilting up slightly. Were you actually okay?

“I love you too Minmin.” You place a a small kiss next to his eye and head towards the living room.

During the movie Seungmin kept stealing glances at you as you leaned on him but not into him. As you laughed but the curve of your mouth didn’t exactly reach your eyes. And how those same eyes were focused on the screen but your mind was obviously some place else.

Although you had said you were fine your silence gave him the answer you actually wanted to give. That Seungmin had struck a nerve more sensitive than he had known.

[chlix]

to do what i can do

pairing: seungmin x f!reader

genre: fluff, light angst

word count: 6.1k

warnings: insecurity, light angst, exactly three (3) uses of "y/n"

synopsis: after a conversation with hyunjin's girlfriend, you grow worried that you aren't putting enough work and attention into your relationship. seungmin dissuades you of this idea immediately.

a/n: literally never done this before so sorry if this formatting isn't standard. also ignore any spelling errors pls <3

Seungmin kisses you goodbye every morning. It’s like clockwork: he puts on his shoes, pours his coffee in a mug, kisses you goodbye, and is out the door. Both of you are routine-oriented people. You like schedules and organized silverware drawers. Ever since you first got together, Seungmin has been kissing you goodbye whenever you part ways, and nearly a year later that hasn’t changed. It’s sweet that he always remembers, and the fact that it’s practiced doesn’t make it feel any less sincere.

This morning is more of the same. You get up before him, as always, and put the coffee on. You check your emails while your breakfast cooks. Seungmin emerges just as the food is done (too late to actually eat it, as always) and goes to get his coat and shoes from the door. He loops back around to put his coffee in the cup you washed the previous night and leans down to where you’re sitting at the table to kiss you lightly on the lips. It’s so rote as to be unnotable, but it makes you smile anyway, your day instantly brighter.

“I love you,” you call after him, as you always do, and Seungmin waves as he leaves, throwing a “Be safe!” over his shoulder.  And then the door closes, and you’re alone.

In a few minutes, you’ll go to work at your office job. Later, you’ll come home and make dinner. At some point in the day, Seungmin will text you to let you know if he’ll be coming home or not, so that you’ll know if you need to make one portion or two. You normally make two anyway, and just leave the second wrapped up in the fridge. If worst comes to worst, you don’t mind eating the leftovers. It’s far more horrible in your mind to not have food ready for him when he is home. It’s not that Seungmin expects food from you. He’s expressed multiple times that he can buy food on his way home. But you like cooking for him, and lately you don’t get much chance because he’s so busy. You want things to be perfect when he’s home because the time you get together is precious. You’re not obsessive about it, or anything. You’re not “playing housewife” as your friends sometimes say. It’s not a crime to want to take care of your boyfriend.

Right now is a bit of a hectic period, and you haven’t seen him much for a while. You were surprised he even had the time to come home the previous night, although of course you were grateful. When he does come home, he gives you his undivided attention, like you’re the only person on earth. It makes the wait worth it. And he kisses you goodbye every morning because he loves you, and you can feel it on your lips all day, and it assuages the loneliness you might otherwise feel.

Today you have lunch with Ahrin, Hyunjin’s girlfriend. You have good relationships with the partners of all the boys, but you’re a bit closer to Ahrin, maybe because you two are so similar. Ahrin is quieter than the other women, and is more content to observe rather than participate. She’s witty and sharp-tongued, but still kind, and has a gentleness to her that makes her easy to open up to. She calls you up and complains she hasn’t seen you in a while and asks to have a meal with you that afternoon. You haven’t been feeling work very much, and you do miss her, so you agree to take a late lunch and meet her a cafe near your office.

Ahrin is radiant as always, and you make small talk about your families before devolving into complaining about mundanities: annoyances at work and the price of fruit at the supermarket. As you’re speaking, you notice Ahrin is wearing a dainty gold necklace that you don’t recognize, and cut yourself off to ask about it.

“Oh, this? It’s Cartier. Hyunjin bought it for me,” she says, bringing a hand up to touch the small pendant like she’d forgotten she was wearing it. “He’s on this kick about couple’s jewelry.”

“It’s beautiful,” you say, and you mean it. It suits Ahrin’s softness and sophistication. He may have bought it because it was Cartier, but he clearly put some thought into it besides the designer label.

“Thank you,” she says, genuinely pleased. “I try to wear something he bought me whenever I go visit him.”

“Are you going to see him today?”

“I just come from there, actually. He took my credit card in his wallet, so I had to go get it back.”

“Oldest trick in the book,” you say.

Ahrin rolls her eyes. “I know. But it’ll work every time. I can’t help that I need it to go about my day.”

She doesn’t sound the least bit bothered. Ahrin and Hyunjin have been together for two years, and it’s a trick he’s pulled ever since they started living together, the “accidentally taking one of Ahrin’s things to work.” You’ve asked her before why she doesn’t confront him about it, but she says that she thinks it’s cute how he keeps coming up with excuses to see her, and anyway, she also likes having excuses to see him.

You also think it’s cute, if in a more wistful way. Seungmin is organized to a T, and he’s never needed you to bring him something he’s forgotten or vice versa. In fact, you can’t remember if you’ve ever visited him at work at all. You don’t think it’s that strange, though. It’s not like he’s made a habit of showing up to your workplace. Also, you likely wouldn’t have the time even if he’d offered. It does dampen your mood a bit though, especially as Seungmin texts you in the middle of your conversation that he in fact, would not be coming home today, meaning you would have to eat dinner alone tonight.

Ahrin notices the dip in your mood as you set your phone back on the table.

“Bad news?” she asks.

You swipe the notification away.

“It’s nothing. Seungmin just texting me about how busy they are.”

Ahrin hums in understanding. “Well, what can you do. At least it’s not as crazy as it was a few months ago.”

“Isn’t it?” You’ve been seeing less of Seungmin than you had in ages, and you’d assumed it was because their schedules had been bordering on unbearable lately. But Ahrin looks confused at your question.

“I don’t think so. Busier than last month, yeah. But they’re not filming anything right now, so the schedule isn’t as rigid. Seungmin hasn’t talked to you about this?”

You feel embarrassed, somehow. “He doesn’t talk about work much when he’s with me. He likes to keep it separate.”

“That makes sense. You should ask him to share his schedule with you, though. What if you need him and you don’t know where he is, or when he’ll answer?”

“I know where he’s at, generally. He tells me if he’s traveling. I just don’t know the minutiae.”

“You’re allowed to know. You should, for your own peace of mind.”

It’s not that it hadn’t occurred to you to ask. Seungmin told you his whereabouts if you questioned him, and he even volunteered information every once in a while, so you hadn’t thought much of it. And you didn’t suspect him of cheating on you ever in a million years. You knew he had other hobbies and friends as well- a whole life outside you that you weren’t privy to and didn’t need to be. But was it possible you were being a bit too aloof about your boyfriends daily habits? Why didn’t he share what he was doing, if he wasn’t at work? Why didn’t you know?

“I’ll ask him,” you say. “You’re right.”

Ahrin smiles encouragingly, and the topic is dropped for other matters. The odd feeling in your stomach doesn’t settle, though, and by the time you’ve finished your day and sat down to eat dinner, you realize you’ve unfortunately lost your appetite.

Seungmin calls you the next day to say he’ll be staying at the dorm for several days, and you tell him okay, thanks for telling me, I love you, goodbye. After you hang up the phone, you berate yourself for not asking more questions. You’re his girlfriend. You should be care that he’s leaving you alone for days at a time, you think as you drive to work. Maybe he’d been waiting for you to ask what he’d be doing or pester him for spoilers about the group’s upcoming plans. Maybe he wanted you to pout and whine about missing him and beg him to come home. You’d never done any of those things before, but maybe you should be. Maybe he’d called you hoping you would do those things and had hung up the phone disappointed.

The central problem of dating an idol is always a scarcity of time. They’re always busy, and because they’re always busy, you as a partner need to have a life outside them that is full and fulfilling, and sometimes those two schedules conflict. You can go long stretches without spending meaningful time together, and it’s hard to cope with, especially when they’re within driving distance of you, but still inaccessible. You know, though, that a scarcity of time does not always mean a scarcity of attention. You’ve seen it in Ahrin and Hyunjin, in the Cartier necklace and the missing credit card, that Hyunjin thinks about Ahrin all the time, and Ahrin knows that he does, is thinking of him just as much if not more. She can languish in the thought that even if Hyunjin is not with her, he desperately wishes he was, and when she wears his necklaces and bracelets and $500 hair clips, Hyunjin knows she is also desperately thinking about him.

You and Seungmin don’t have a system like that. Seungmin isn’t in the habit of buying you expensive gifts, for starters. He’s frugal with his money, hyperaware that one day his youth and fame will fade, and he won’t have such extravagant income. You’re similarly pragmatic, and you’ve never resented him for this. And that’s not to say he never spends money on you. He buys you flowers and takes you on expensive dates. He bought you a new laptop and headphones without you saying anything, and your closet is full of fancy dresses that are each tied to a high class outing you’ve been on. For each one, he’d bought himself a shirt and jacket to match. But those aren’t things you wear every day to show off. They’re for special occasions, specific memories. There’s nothing you wear or carry daily that marks you as ‘his.’

And honestly, you’ve never really thought about yourself that way. You and Seungmin are together, and you live together (by whatever measure your living arrangements currently count as), but you’ve never longed to be “branded” in a way befitting a pair of earrings or an oversized sweater. You wear his clothes at home, but never out. You don’t feel the need to show up to his practices and recording sessions. You’ve never even asked if you were allowed. If Seungmin bought you a Cartier necklace, you aren’t totally sure you would wear it.

It hits you like a freight train when you put it all together: You don’t care enough about Seungmin. You’re comfortable with him, you feel like you love him, but you don’t care about him the way you’re supposed to care about him. You’re not involved enough. But then, the same goes for him too, doesn’t it? He knows what you do for work, but he rarely asks you about anything other than a cursory how was your day? He doesn’t pester you for anything, doesn’t ask you to visit him or stay up for him when he comes home late. Aren’t those things that he should expect from you as a girlfriend? Why doesn’t he care that you’re so obviously neglecting him? When he kisses you goodbye in the morning, is that because he misses you, or is that just a habit formed over these past months, a meaningless part of the morning ritual he couldn’t resist if he tried?

You feel caught in a lurch, unsure what to do now. Seungmin deserves better than you, clearly. He deserves a girlfriend who actually gives a fuck about his life. But maybe, if you start making up for it now, he’ll forgive the past few months of you being so terrible. He’ll realize that you are an attentive girlfriend, and that you do care about him and that you love him, and you can prove it, you swear, it took you a while to realize what was wrong but you’ve got it all straightened out now. 

You can change. You can fix this. You know you can.

-/-

The next time Seungmin comes home, you wake up first the next morning, like always. You go to put the coffee on, and you make breakfast, and you check your emails. Seungmin comes out, walks past you to his shoes and coat, and doubles back to get his morning coffee.

“Busy day today?” you ask.

Seungmin freezes in his movements, caught off guard by your question. He recovers quickly enough, and answers. “Not particularly. Vocal practice, some other things.”

“Oh, good. Do you think you’ll be home today then?”

Seungmin turns to face you, his cup abandoned on the counter, unfilled. “Is everything alright?”

“What?”

“Is something wrong? Do we need to talk?”

Oh god, it’s worse than you thought. Asking if he’s going to be home to eat dinner is enough for him to think something is amiss. Have you truly never asked him that before?

“Everything’s fine. It would just be nice to eat dinner with you, is all.”

Seungmin relaxes. He leans down to kiss you, but it lingers longer than normal, as if he’s savoring the touch, your attention. “I’ll do my best,” he promises. “I love you. Have a nice day.”

You absolutely blossom under his affection, the verbosity atypical for so early in the morning.

“I love you too. Be safe.”

“I always am,” he says, and presses another peck to your lips before pulling away. He finishes pouring his coffee, grabs his coat, and waves as he leaves. You sit at the table, vibrating with satisfaction. You’re doing it, you’re giving him what he needs. Maybe all hope isn’t lost for you two just yet.

Your sky-high mood follows you to work, and the day keeps getting better with the discovery of cupcakes in the break room. One of your coworkers’ kids just had a birthday, and they had way too much food left over. You take one back to your desk to nibble on while you work, and even the mundanity of your daily tasks can’t bring you down from how well this day is turning out. Around midmorning, it occurs to you that this is the perfect opportunity to do something else nice for Seungmin by bringing him cupcakes. They’re not filming, which means they’re not on diets, so he can handle a bit of sugar and frosting, especially if it’s a gift from you. You borrow a container from the staff kitchen to carry some cupcakes and decide to defer your own lunch to deliver them across the city.

When you get to the JYPE building, though, you realize you have no idea what to do. You’re fairly sure you’re allowed access; the other girlfriends pop in and out all the time. But it’s possible no one here recognizes you, since this is the first time you’ve shown your face around here.

Being spontaneous is cute and quirky, but standing around lost and embarrassed grows tiring within seconds. You give up and decide to text Seungmin.

Are you busy?, you send, standing awkwardly by the door and hoping security doesn’t throw you out. Thankfully, he responds quickly.

Not super. Do you need to call?

Actually I’m in the lobby of your building. Can you come down?

Typing, and then a pause. Then more typing. Eventually the message comes through.

Ok.

You can’t decode that at all. It strikes you for the first time that you may be bothering him by driving over here. You did ask if he was busy, though. And it stood to reason that if you had time for a 5-minute phone call, he had time to come downstairs and accept the gift you’d brought him. It isn’t intrusive. This is what people do for each other when they care about each other.

It only takes a few minutes for Seungmin to round the corner into the lobby. His face is creased in concern, even worse than he’d looked this morning, and he’s walking at a brisk pace to stand right in front of you.

“Hey,” he says. “What’s going on?”

You don’t know how to respond to his intensity, so you just hold out the container towards him. “I brought you cupcakes.”

Seungmin’s eyebrows furrow in utter confusion. “You…made cupcakes?”

“I didn’t make them. A coworker brought them in. But I remember you saying you liked cupcakes, and I had a free minute, so I thought I’d bring them over before they got finished.”

Seungmin accepts the box gingerly, as though it contains a nest of wild hornets, or lit sticks of dynamite. “You drove all the way over here to give this to me?”

Your doubts go from an inkling to a full-on tumult. “Yes, I did. I was just thinking of you…I thought you might like something sweet.”

You don’t mean to look dismayed, but Seungmin must clue-in to the fact that this isn’t the reaction you were hoping for. He shifts the box to one hand and laces your fingers together with his other.

“Thank you for thinking of me,” he says. “But you don’t need to go out of your way to bring me things.”

“It’s not out of my way. I had time.”

“Let me rephrase. You shouldn’t expend your lunch hour to bring me food. When are you going to eat now?”

“I’ll stay an extra half hour. It’s fine.”

Seungmin clearly isn’t satisfied with this. He tugs lightly on your arm, bidding you to follow, and you do, unsure of what else to do.

He takes you up a floor, and down a hallway to what seems to be a regular employee break room, where he gestures for you to sit down at one of the tables. You do, and he walks over to the fridge to get bottled water and brings back one for you, along with napkins and a knife from the drawer next to the fridge.

“If you aren’t going to eat lunch, you might as well share your spoils with me,” Seungmin says. He opens the container and takes out one of the cupcakes (and they are huge, to be honest, you kind of can’t believe they’re from a kid’s birthday party) and cuts it in half.

“Pick a side,” he says, and you do, and he carefully picks it up and lays it on a paper towel before sliding it towards you. He takes the other half, and you pick your desserts apart with your fingers. Seungmin tells an anecdote about Jeongin from their vocal lesson that morning. It’s…nice. You’re just spending time with your boyfriend, a quick stolen minute in the midst of your busy lives. The frosting is sickeningly sweet, and you find yourself reaching for the bottle of water without even thinking of it, and only later preen at the realization that Seungmin knew you would need to wash the artificial taste out and had brought you water preemptively. He knows you well enough to identify if something would suit your palette with only a glance.

Both of you don’t have much time to spare, so after fifteen minutes you wipe off your hands and clean off the table.

“I’ll bring the rest of these back upstairs,” he says. “They won’t last ten minutes once the others see them.”

“That’s fine. That’s what I was hoping for, actually.”

“And here I thought you brought these only for me,” he says, but his lips are curled up, teasing. He kisses you goodbye, like always, lips sugary-sweet and soft as cotton-candy. “Thank you for stopping by. I’ll see you tonight.”

Your heart grows three sizes. You’re on cloud nine. “Anytime,” you say.

That night you try very hard not to be an absolute freak about dinner. You cook nearly every day, so the cooking itself isn’t that special, but for some reason your usual rotation doesn’t feel good enough. Seungmin is coming home for the second day in a row, and you don’t want to reuse ingredients, or phone it in when you’d specifically asked him to come home. At the same time, a five-course meal is definitely doing way too much. You stop by the store on the way home and scan the shelves, before wrestling yourself into a compromise and getting ingredients for a meal you both enjoy, but you’re normally too lazy to bother after a long day at work. It’s nothing fancy, just time-consuming, but you’re in such high spirits that the labor doesn’t even feel harrowing.

Seungmin gets home a few minutes before you’re properly done, with the pot on the stove ticking down steadily as you wash dishes and spoons. Seungmin greets you as he walks in but vanishes quickly down the hall to shower and change into inside clothes. By the time he reappears, you’re all but done, and you’ve never been more satisfied with yourself as you dish the food into two bowls and set them on the table. Sure, maybe it’s “playing housewife” a little bit, but you don’t even care. If playing housewife is this rewarding, you might have to start doing it more often.

Seungmin raises his eyes as the dinner you prepared.

“Didn’t you complain that this is hard to make?” he asks. You shrug.

“Felt like cooking today,” is all you say. “No biggie.”

Seungmin sits down at the table, pushes his plate to the side, and looks directly at you. “Y/n. What’s going on?”

Anxiety shoots through you. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. I’m not oblivious. You’ve been acting off all day.”

“Off?”

“Visiting me at the company? Cooking this fancy dinner? It’s not like you at all.”

“That’s not me being ‘off.’ I just missed you, that’s all.”

“Have I not been paying enough attention to you? Is that why?”

“No! I mean, you have. There is no ‘why’. Am I not allowed to miss my boyfriend?”

Seungmin looks distinctly unimpressed. “Nice try. Wanna go again?”

All your good humor from earlier is dissolving into your soup. “You’re mocking me.”

“I’m not mocking you.”

“I was trying to do something nice for you. I just wanted to spend time with you today. Is that so wrong?”

“It’s not wrong. It’s just unusual for you. When you told me you showed up at the company, I thought something horrible had happened, because you never visited me before.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?”

“What doesn’t?”

“That I never visit.”

“Why would that bother me?”

All your anxieties are simmering near the top, threatening to boil over. “Because the other members’ girlfriends visit all the time. I know they do. They have security clearance and everything. But I never do. I don’t even know where you are most days if I wanted to visit you.”

Seungmin frowns. “You’re busy. You have a job you’re at all day, same as me. Some of the other members’ girlfriends work less or have other things going on.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” you mutter. “Maybe I have too much going on.”

Seungmin looks hesitant at this. “If you feel you need to cut back, I’ll support you.”

“Is that what you want? Do you think I should work less?”

“No, I don’t. That’s not my decision anyway.”

“But I just…” You’re cracking, you know you are, you can hear it in your voice- “I just want to be there for you more. I want to be attentive.”

“You are attentive. You’re there for me all the time.”

“I’m not!” It bursts out of you more violently than even you expected. Seungmin is taken aback, eyes widening as you finally break. “I’m so aloof towards you, it’s awful. I never know where you are, or what you’re doing. I never ask you to come home to me. I don’t stay up for you. I don’t visit you. Other girlfriends have bracelets or necklaces they wear for their boyfriends, and I don’t do any of that. No one would even know we were dating, based on how we are now.” You suck in a breath, reminding yourself to stay calm. “I just don’t even know what you get out of being with me. I don’t do anything I’m supposed to do, and you keep letting me get away with it. And I thought if I changed, and I started trying harder, maybe I could fix it before you realize that I don’t deserve you.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, humiliation and sadness making you feel dizzy and hot. Now that you’ve said it all out, it sounds ridiculous. It’s not as if you could fix a behavioral pattern with one good day. If your relationship really is rotten through, all you’ve done is draw attention to the problem and made it even worse. Contrasted with how you acted today, the past eleven months must seem downright hollow.

Seungmin sighs. “Y/n, look at me, please.”

You open your eyes and are horrified to see Seungmin looking absolutely mournful where he sits across the table. He looks so aggrieved, so weighed down, and a horrible rock forms in the pit of your stomach.

“First of all,” he says. “I don’t ever want to hear you say again that you don’t deserve me. It’s not true, and I won’t have you putting yourself down like that. You don’t decide what I deserve, I do. And I’ve decided you’re exactly what I want.”

You blink, confused at the turn of events. It’s a very Seungmin thing to say, yes, but in this situation, you didn’t expect him to double down on it so earnestly.

“Second of all, you’re not aloof towards me. I know you love me, and you care for me in your own ways. I also know you have a life outside of me that keeps you busy. I’m grateful for that. I would feel horrible if you spent a significant amount of your day just waiting around for me when we both know I can’t always be there.”

“That’s different,” you can’t help but interject. “You’re an idol. You can’t help that you’re busy.”

“You can’t help being busy either. Being an idol isn’t any more important than any other job. You have responsibilities too.”

You deflate, sagging in your chair. He takes this as license to continue.

“Third, I didn’t think you were the type to wear jewelry every day. If you want me to get you something, I can do that. I just didn’t want you to feel pressured to wear something just because I bought it and it was expensive. Someday, if we get married, you’ll wear my ring, and that’ll be enough for me.”

He’s right. You don’t usually wear jewelry every day, and you would feel bad about not wearing something he’d specifically bought you as a gift. You’re starting to feel more and more foolish as this conversation continues.

Thankfully, his itemized list ends there, and he leans forward, dark eyes fixed on yours. He doesn’t look angry, or upset, just focused. Leave it to Seungmin to mind-map his way through a relationship crisis.

“Can you tell me what brought this on? It’s unlike you to be insecure. If I’ve done something to make you think you’re not good enough for me, I’d like to know so that I can change my behavior.”

You let out a long breath, giving up the fight in the face of Seungmin’s rationality.

“I had lunch with Ahrin the other day. I was complaining about how you’re so busy these days, I rarely see you. Ahrin said you guys actually haven’t been that busy. It made me realize I don’t actually know your schedule, like what you do all day, much less outside of work. And I also realized part of the reason I haven’t seen you much is because I never ask to see you. You have no reason to spend time with me when it seems like I don’t even want you around.” Your voice trails off as you continue, shame sticking the words in your throat.

Seungmin hums, thinking. He lifts his hand up and stretches it toward you, your sign to extend your own hand so he can lace your fingers together. You oblige, and the contact settles you a bit.

“I have never thought for one second that you didn’t want me around. I don’t take offense to you not knowing my schedule either. I know I don’t talk about work much. It might be a flaw of mine.”

“Hyunjin is always playing these little games with Ahrin to get her to come see him. But I’ve always felt that you’d prefer I stay away when you’re working.”

Seungmin hesitates again. “That might be right. That’s not because I don’t love spending time with you, though. It’s the opposite.”

“I…don’t follow.”

“Whatever you believe, the other members’ partners don’t really come around all that much, but when they do come around, it’s not really a big event. They’re just spectators. Like when Ahrin visits us at practice, it’s easy for Hyunjin to pretend she’s not there and keep working. I couldn’t do that. If you were in the room with me, I don’t think I could be as focused as I normally am. I’d be distracted because all my attention would be on you and how you’re doing. That’s why I’ve never encouraged you to visit.”

A small hysterical part of you wants to twist his words somehow, to start a fight about him calling you a ‘distraction’ and all it implies, but you know what he meant. It’s a fairly big admission he’s given, that he couldn’t keep control of himself if you were in his eyeline. It’s…unexpectedly flattering.

“I fluster you that badly?” you ask, half-teasing, half-curious. But Seungmin answers you dead serious.

“Embarrassingly so. When I went back upstairs with the cupcakes, Minho-hyung didn’t give me a second to breathe before commenting on it.”

You find yourself grinning. “Really?”

“Don’t laugh at me. It’s unkind.”

“I’m not laughing,” you say, even though you definitely are. Seungmin rolls his eyes, but there’s no heat or embarrassment in them.

“You could at least be sorry about it.”

“I’m very sorry that I got you bullied by your bandmates,” you say dutifully. “I promise I will do my best not to place you in such a compromising position again.”

“You can visit me if you want,” Seungmin rebuffs. “I can take a little teasing if you really want to see me. My point is just that you shouldn’t feel like you have to because the other girlfriends do.”

“Okay.” You nod, then venture out into the part of the conversation you’ve been avoiding. “If that’s all true, why do you stay away so often? It’s okay if you just have other things to do, but why do you let me think you’re at work if you aren’t?”

You aren’t sure what he’s going to say to this. You believe in his loyalty, always, and you don’t think he truly intended to lie to you, but you still can’t figure out who’s to blame here, and how this miscommunication has persisted between you for so long.

To your surprise, Seungmin’s ears flare red. His grip tightens on your hand, like he’s fighting himself, but you can tell he answers you honestly when he says,

“I was worried I was imposing on you.”

You blink. “Imposing?”

Seungmin is no longer meeting your eyes, his gaze lowered to the table. “Like I said, I don’t want you to constantly be waiting around for me. I don’t want you to get used to having me around, and then when I go on tour, or get busy with activities, you feel my absence stronger. Then, when I come back, I become an inconvenience as you try to fit me into your life again. It’s hard, and it’s unfair. I thought it would be easier to try to keep the same level of involvement all the time, so that you didn’t miss me too badly when I was gone, and I didn’t annoy you too much when I came back.”

You hardly let him finish his sentence before you say, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You keep your attention from me so that I won’t miss you later? How does that make any sense? I miss you regardless. That’s the point of being in a relationship.”

Seungmin winces, and you decide to dial back your indignance. He’d spoken to you evenly, and you could do the same for him.

“Sorry. I just meant that you shouldn’t keep yourself away from me in an effort to spare my feelings. I know what I signed up for when we started dating. I know some times will be easier than others. I appreciate your efforts to mitigate that, but this isn’t the way. You being gone so often is all the more reason to be overt and intense when we do have time together. It’s fine to not want to spend all your free time with me, but don’t ever think wanting to be around me is imposing, or hurting me in some way, because it’s not.”

Seungmin looks properly chastised. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll be around more.”

“And I’ll ask for you more. We both need to stop holding ourselves and each other back.” You let out a little laugh. “We’re acting like it’s embarrassing to be in love or something.”

“Hyunjin said the same thing to me once.”

“Hyunjin is smart in exactly one area,” you acquiesce. “Ahrin is a lucky girl.”

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Seungmin mutters. You lean forward over your cold dinner and press a kiss to Seungmin’s cheek.

“I didn’t say she was luckier than me.”

You both grin.

-/-

Next week, Monday. You wake up at your usual time, put on coffee, make breakfast. You clear your entire inbox because fuck the sales department, they can say whatever they need to say in the meeting this afternoon. You set your phone down and enjoy the warmth of the tea you brewed and watch the sun come up outside your living room window.

Seungmin gets up, gets his shoes and coat, and doubles back around.

“Good morning,” you say.

“Good morning.”

“Busy day?”

“Nope. I’m free after lunch.”

“Lucky. I have an awful meeting from two to four.”

“You’ll do fine,” Seungmin says. “Sales isn’t the boss of you.”

“They actually are,” you groan, and Seungmin laughs at your dismay. He kisses you goodbye, tells you to be safe. You tell him you love him. The front door opens and closes.

At around 1pm, your phone buzzes with a text.

Are you busy?

Eh. Why?

I’m in your lobby.

No way.

You grab your security pass and head towards the elevators, watching every floor tick down until it lets you out on the ground floor. Seungmin is sitting in a chair in reception, holding a white cardboard box. When he sees you approach him, he grins and holds it up.

“Got time for cupcakes?”

Your smile is so wide it’s splitting your face in half. “Follow me. The break room is on the fourth floor.”

-/-

“I didn’t even know you knew what building I work in.”

“I looked it up on NAVER.”

“Of course you did.”

“Why reinvent the wheel when someone invented the iPhone, y/n.”

[muffinsin]

think we could get some headcanons for daniela being a lesbian with comphet? it’s one of my favourite headcanons for her, and i’m interested to see how you’d portray it

Awhh, that’s a cool prompt! I hope I can do it justice👀!

Let’s get into it :)

Masterlists

Growing up with a lesbian mother and around women only, Daniela isn’t clueless about different kinds of sexualities

She’s always been encouraged to be herself, to take what she wants, to embrace who she is

She’s always been supported and always got to explore

That being said, she found out about her attraction to women quickly

Lucky, in a castle full of women, really

And she found love, often, in the many centuries she’s lived in the large castle

Having had countless partners in her life, she sometimes can’t quite shake off a certain feeling, though

Not always, only sometimes

Only when she’s alone, when the feeling can creep up on her

Like, she has to be missing something

She doesn’t fully understand

It’s not quite like in her books, which she loves to read so dearly

Of the Prince and the Princess, the castles and gardens and balls and gowns and flowers, of dances and joy and desire

And love and marriage, children

She yearns for love

It’s been so very long since she’s been with someone…

Despite being rather confident in her sexuality, there are certain- times…

Years- centuries even- of reading and getting lost in her favorite fairytale-like books have her feel…odd

Like something is wrong

Missing

The nasty feeling sometimes creeps up just after reading, her mind full of the scenes in the book, princes and princesses, happy together

She didn’t think she’d be attracted to men. No, no..!

It just, sometimes, feels like something she’s simply supposed to feel

Her fairytale prince, sweeping her off her feet

Romancing her, marrying her

It just feels like something that she has to do

Something she’s supposed to do

She’s so confused, spending restless minutes throughout the day and restless nights alone in her room, contemplating how she feels towards man-things

Sometimes, she almost feels attracted to the fictional men in the books

So loving, so caring, such princes

Only do these feelings not transfer to real men

She doesn’t want to be with them

But- is she not meant to? Is this not her happiness?

But..men? No, she can’t. She doesn’t want to

When looking at them, she doesn’t find them attractive, often even objectively

When one occasionally finds his way into the castle, she doesn’t originally find him attractive, any of them

At least, not from the start

Not until she hears whispers among the staff, features pointed out, attractive traits made apparent

Then, she almost feels like she sees them the same way

Poor Daniela and her delusions, so confused about life

Poor Daniela just doesn’t understand;

She throws herself at each intruder, even the men, imagining a happy life, marriage, kids-

despite being unable to have them

- just like in her books

Yet…she doesn’t want a relationship with one

Almost like she’s in love with the thought of one

The thought of happiness…

She finds herself pulling back when they pay attention to her though, slaying them fast before her own thoughts and insecurities can overwhelm her

She doesn’t like them

And despite her odd occasional fantasies, the reality is utterly undesirable, no matter how often she attempts to force herself into the standards set by the books

Then, suddenly guilt and insecurity washes over her

Times when she’d lay whimpering in one of her older sisters’ beds, her back rubbed and stroked, her hair played with as tears fall from her eyes

They can’t help, but they can hold and comfort her as she cries, they can tell them of their lives and loves

They reassure her, she’s still young. She rolls her eyes

She’s hardly the young woman they make her out to be. Still, the delusional woman will forever be their baby sister, it seems

Somehow, it’s comforting. After all, time could help her

She just doesn’t understand…!

Why is she like this?

What’s wrong?

Is she not into women only? She doesn’t understand, and Bela and Cassandra and Mother just can’t help

She’s a lesbian, she’s so sure

She doesn’t want a relationship with a man. She wants a woman. Her love. Her touch

She shivers uncomfortably when a man-thing attempts to convince her to offer her the same

But those odd occasional thoughts…

Aren’t the books her way to find happiness?

Everyone is so very happy in them

And they lived happily ever after, in each of them

When she’s with her lover, all is good

She loves them, always, so dearly

And the women always make her feel so loved in return

Alas, it never lasts

Somehow, fate always finds a way to take them from Daniela, at times even being particularly cruel and causing poor Daniela to kill them unintentionally, even

She doesn’t understand

Maybe she won’t

Maybe time will cure her strange thoughts, she wonders

Maybe she will find a lover that won’t leave her

A partner

A wife

[ericshoney]

Caring Boy ~ Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Your boyfriend Matt is a walking green flag and helps you when you feel down or are sensory overloaded.

Warnings: Mentions of depression, anxiety, Autistic!Reader, sensory overload.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your boyfriend Matt Sturniolo was amazing. He was a walking green flag. You had met Matt when you were just ten, he was eleven, and there was an instant connection. You both, along with Nick and Chris, were inseparable and when you turned sixteen, Matt seventeen, you both started dating, just before they started their YouTube channel.

One thing you always struggled with was depression and anxiety, along with being diagnosed with autism at an earlier age. Matt had been right by your side through everything. He always carried something for you in case you needed a stim break, made sure you had all your meds regularly and never ran out, and most importantly, a shoulder to cry on the rough days.

When the guys moved to LA, Matt instantly said you should go with them, which you did, now living with the trio. Chris and Nick also helped where they could, especially if Matt was busy, which you appreciated, but Matt was special as he was your boyfriend.

Today happened to be one of those rough days. The guys had to be up earlier for a meeting, so you would be on your own for a few hours. It didn't bother you since you would lay in for a bit, or so you thought.

You woke up at one, which was strange since you usually slept a bit later. Your mind was racing slightly as you knew the guys had already left for the meeting. You decided to take a shower, seeing if that would help.

However, the water was more on the cold side, resulting in taking a quick shower but not washing your hair. You got out and dressed into some shorts, a Fresh Love hoodie and slipping some socks on.

You then went to the kitchen and grabbed something to eat. You saw a pack of Pop Tarts so you grabbed a packet and sat on the sofa, scrolling through your phone.

As you ate your breakfast and scrolled on your phone, you tapped your foot a bit, liking a few posts you saw and random TikTok's.

But an hour later, after seeing many cute and pretty girls on your socials, you started to feel insecure. You had also forgotten to take your meds, completely ignoring the reminder on the fridge.

You threw your phone down and laid on the sofa, trying to ignore it. Matt always told you how much he loved you and how beautiful you were. So you had a minute thinking about that, but the more you did, the more you missed him, even if he was already on his way home with Nick and Chris.

You then stood up and went to find some of your stim stuff. You got a bit frustrated as you couldn't find them instantly, but finally found a small popper.

You walked around the living room, using the popper, so focused on it, you didn't hear or see the guys walk in. Nick walked up the stairs first, quickly signalling Matt to get you.

"Hey baby, you okay." Matt called, grabbing your hands gently.

"I, hey! When did you get home?" You asked, slightly shocked to see him suddenly. You also saw Nick and Chris, who both gave you a soft smile.

"We just got home. What's wrong baby?" Matt asked, noticing the tears in your eyes.

"Just...I woke up and my mind was racing, like lots of random thoughts. I then took a shower but the water was cold! So I took just a quick shower and didn't wash my hair which is really annoying, I mean I know it's not greasy but it would have just felt nice. Then I got some Pop Tarts to eat as I watched my phone for a bit, but all these pretty girls kept coming up and the same on TikTok, so I came off cause it started making me feel bad. Then I remembered what you said about me being pretty and you loving me, but it made me kinda sad cause I missed you. Then I needed to stim, but couldn't really find anything good so I'm using this." You rambled, holding up the popper to show him.

Matt shared a look with Nick and Chris, both boys knew what he was thinking. Nick went over to where they keep your meds and opened it to see today's still there. The eldest sighed and showed Matt.

"Baby....you haven't had your meds." He said softly.

"Shit...I forgot. I'm sorry!" I cried.

"No, no baby. It's okay. I should have set a reminder on your phone." Matt replied, watching as you played with the rings on his fingers.

Nick came over and passed you the correct meds as Chris got you some water to take them with. The three watched as you swallowed them all, Matt praising you softly.

"Thanks guys." You said.

"Your welcome." Nick replied.

"Wanna go watch some movies?" Matt offered, making you nod.

The two of you then went to his room, where you cuddled up to him, watching your favourite movie on the TV, happy to have Matt by your side.

[hhighkey]

Decode // Chapter Three, Dried Flowers

Dracule Mihawk (opla) x OC (female reader)

Rating: mature

Story Contains: live action characters, related and non-related one piece plots, unspecified religion, OC is a nun on sabbatical, trauma, violence, age gap (40 v 23), insecurities and self doubts, possessive / protective behavior, kidnapping, true loves, eventual smut

Note: WOW its been awhile I am so sorry

Masterlist

-

SEVEN YEARS AGO

The sounds of pattering feet against ivory tile echoed in the empty halls of the Saint Mana Monastery- a line of veiled nuns walked towards the temple. Angelic chimes rang through the air from the chilled breeze. Soft murmurs of prayers left the lips of bowed heads that never wavered formation. 

A year had gone by since Sabine's father shipped her off. How her hands still shook with anger when she thought of him- his hideous face with the larger than life mustache. A weak, pathetic man who cared for nothing more than himself and booze to hold him over another day. Oh how she prayed at night he'd receive his karma, or wonder if he already had. As her head bowed and her breathing quick, she felt herself grow angry thinking about him. 

The shining midday sun glittered through stained glass in the temple- an expansive room with little pews for the nuns knelt on the cold tile floor. Dressings dragged as perfect rows in front an altar formed. Prayers, both in silence and echoing unison, rang out over the monotonous hour. Like a choir of singing angels existed in the holiness as glittering colored light shone, chimes and lovely words alike breathing life into stale air. 

Each day was of strict routine, monotonous repetitions asides the holy day of Sundays. Early mornings causing early nights. Constant prayers and studying. Chores. Prayers again. Then little alone time which caused little individuality to flourish between sisters; a purposeful thing, intended to create to create pliable female worshipers,

Before 'silence time' however, there was a waiting stack of dishes needed to be ready for dinner. 

Which was how Sabine found herself in the kitchens with other girls her age. Her eyes had grown heavy with each passing minute. Her brain all foggy from a restless sleep and racing thoughts that felt like a knife stabbing her chest over and over. This wasn't what she saw her life being at sixteen– washing dishes in a neat assembly line with water all splattered on a nun's habit she wore each day. The closet of her room was filled with dozens of the same fabrics, it seemed. 

Normally one for conversation when able, it was quickly noticed when she wasn't partaking. Sabine looked at each plate she rinsed as if it were the devil, glaring eyes and pursed lips. 

"What about you Sister Mary Sabine?"

Sabine's head jerked to look towards the other girls assigned to dish duty, whose eyes bore into her, "Huh? Sorry, wasn't listening."

"What would you want out of life if you weren't a nun? Sister Mary Ellen says she'd work in a brothel! Can you believe it?"

"We all want what we can't have," Another Sister said, "Life of temptation always seems so fun."

"So, what about it Sabine?" Continued interrogation from the ever-chatty blonde, Sister Anna Lea.

"Yeah, what's your deepest darkest desire?" 

Sabine stopped, held the sopping wet plate in hand as she hummed to herself for a moment. She didn't want to say the first thing that popped into her head but she couldn't think of anything better to say-

"I want a husband," Sabine then said with a dreamy look in her eye, "Someone who meets me and knows I'm the one. I don't care about having kids, I just want to be loved and in love."

A few snickers followed her reply but most hummed in an agreement of solidarity, "Genuine question, why do priests and cardinals get to marry but not us? Sexist that we have to marry ourselves to the Father."

The group of girls Sabine spent her time with were of like age- teens to young twenties, most hadn't taken permanent vows like herself. So it was no surprise their talk turned to gossip about outdated ways. As much as Sabine agreed she tried to never engage even inadvertently, you never know who's listening, and she preferred to bide her time with her head down. Good behavior, as if she were a prisoner waiting for an early release.

"Ladies."

As if on cue— The matriarch, the most feared one of the elder nuns who sat on top, stood in the doorway hands on her hips. Most girls had shocked, wide eyes as they stammered apologies or turned back to their duties. 

Sabine could only shake her head, feeling nostalgic thinking about a life she'd probably never have. Daydreaming as the hours ticked by, her stomach filling with butterflies and chest tightening as she thought about scenarios of loving encounters with a man. 

It was 9:00PM when an intrusive knock jolted her and her dorm-mate, Sister Therese Sienna, up from their beds. Half-awake they looked at each other before Sienna crept to the wooden door. Their room was small and plain, not expected of two teenage girls. Peeling white walls with crosses hung on each surface. Simple wooden wardrobes and a centerpiece rug. Windows that had to be glued stuck, with pilling curtains covering them. 

Sabine rubbed her eyes as she looked around, shifting in the primarily uncomfortable bed, "Who is it?"

Sienna, with a huff, opened the door revealing Sisters Anna and Lea, "Oh the chatty squad is here,"

"Don't be like that," Lea shrugged, "You two aren't asleep."

"Neither are you two?"

The two uninvited visitors pushed their way in, with Lea marching proudly to Sabine's bed side to strip her of her covers. She recoiled from the sudden chill in the air and attempted to shield herself. 

"Get dressed, we have plans."

"Plans we didn't agree to," Sabine murmured, grabbing a lone shawl across the chair at her bedside. Yet she wasn’t willing to sit this out, not the way Lea had a smug confident look on her face. 

Neither of them were fond of the idea of being out past curfew, especially without an in depth explanation. Only by the light of oil lamps and scattered candles could they move about, footsteps echoing in the cavernous monastery halls. They were like little scurrying mice, constantly looking over their shoulders and around corners, fearful. But growing in certainty as they entered a more desolate area of the monastery. 

"Oh hurry up," Lea spat under the moonlight that streamed through a cracked window as they hurried by it. 

"You're being ridiculous." 

An eerie silence amidst their footsteps as they descended an older flight of creaking wooden stairs, made Sabine internally cringe. This wing of the monastery was creepy. Old. Worn down. Probably disease ridden in the air they breathed. Old paintings that collected dust amongst the broken cement walls, doors boarded up, and relics discarded haphazardly.

Rumors said a prior cardinal died here after performing a ritual, or an exorcism, the stories are different depending who speaks them. That afterwards series of misfortunate events began to take place, sudden deaths and great grievances that would plague their church for years. After a nun took her own life in the tower, it was officially regarded as dangerous for use and locked up. But all locks could be broken. 

Sabine felt unsettled. A pit in her stomach made her more on edge than past times they’d snuck into the abandoned ward. It felt like the eyes of the people in the paintings followed their every move with starch judgment, it filled her with shame. But the adrenaline to have say over her life that was unjustly ripped from her, was too tantalizing to say no to. 

“Good, we’re all here.” An older girl with long blonde hair spoke as they all formed a circle in a dimly lit room. It was further down than Sabine had been before, no windows and the air was heavy and moist. Her pulse began to hike. 

Thin papers with messy scrawl were passed around. Eight girls in total were present around scattered petals that gleamed a color unknown to her. And eight goblets of burgundy wine were handed out next. 

“All of you are girls that have shown interest in men, disdain for the unjust rules thrusted upon women in our situations. Women in this world in general. I found an old book, which appears ancient and during my time studying it, I have found a ritual that when done correctly, will bring you to your true love during your lifetime. That someone is meant for us all but there is no guarantee to meet them.” The blonde said in a serious tone, a fire behind her words that had Sabine hanging on to each one. 

“How.. Will we know? If we meet them.” A Sister asked. 

“It says- you just know. That it’s like your world changes, that you don’t think you’ll be able to survive without the person, that it’s more than love, that they compliment you, cherish you, protect you. It may be foolish, may not work, but there should be no downsides to doing the ritual. Harmless to try it right? Especially on the off chance it is real.”

Murmurs sound. Sabine knows she’ll do it. Not a bone in her body willed her to leave. It seemed all the Sisters were in agreement, that the ensuring possibility of meeting your soulmate through a ritual made perfect sense. What was there to lose besides never crossing paths with them? 

Or they all knew it was a form of child’s play. A fun little thing to do as girls who wanted something more than the Sisterhood. Their way of rebelling. 

“Now do what the papers say, we’ll all speak together.”

Sabine bent down to gather the flower petals into one hand, the other holding the directions the older girl wrote out. Her fingers trembled. 

"I cast this circle of flowers round, in calling for a love meant for me, to find me."

She sprinkled the delicate petals in a circle in front of her. She felt chills run down her spine, a disheveling cold gust she swore was her imagination. 

"Forever will my true love bind.”

Next each girl drank their goblet of stale communion wine, the raunchy taste making Sabine shudder. Was it stupid to feel anew? A fluttering in her chest as her extremities tingle in and out of numbness. The tips of her fingers down to her toes, up to her head tickled in a glittering daze and immobilization while she stood stuck staring at the circle she made. 

At sixteen she didn’t have the capabilities of forethought or critical thinking beyond that of her generalized life experience. How foolish to smile like an idiot as she made sure every drop of the wine was drained. The girls were all too giddy. Definitely too loud with their giggles and conversations that would have normally had a matriarch descending on them like a hawk. But feet below the surface in a desolate room of an abandoned wing, they were undisturbed to gossip through the night. 

-

PRESENT

"Father, please help Zoro through this storm. Provide him the strength and courage to conquer this obstacle. I put my trust and submit my ways unto you to seek help for his battle. Amen." Sabine's mouth was dry as she spoke, hardly above a whisper. Tears stung her bloodshot eyes as a faint throbbing numbed her face. 

Seeing him like that— all clammy, skin as if he'd see a ghost. Bandages peeking from his shirt where a pink tinge of dried blood stained as a reminder of what'd taken place. Sabine, in such a short amount of time, had grown fond- protective in her own way- over the crew. All younger than her, so she perceived them as her dear kids in a sense.

"Why do you feel so bad?" Nami whispered, a cold tone masked behind the question, "I went to leave, to leave the crew. And you feel guilty because you'd been flirting with that Warlord?" The redhead frowned, seemingly answering her own thoughts in her mind as her eyes widened, "Oh- cause you haven't experienced-"

Sabine held her hand up, signaling for Nami to stop, "I think I'd surprise you. It's not necessarily guilt, I don't quite know what it is really. Responsibility maybe? Or the fact I've spent hours listening to those who want to be saved, and act like I'm some saint? Maybe this is all I can do to offer help."

"I think I'd surprise you too." Nami shuffled in place. 

"I don't think you would. I can tell from your far away gazes and survival skills. I know you're hiding something." Normally Sabine wouldn't talk out of turn like she just did. Taught to always nod in understanding, listen intently while carefully thinking through a response. Taught to never interrogate but gently lead in the direction they point. 

"What are you profiling me? I'm not some drunkard, abusive marine stumbling into a church to repent."

"I never said that," Nami was right with her implications, Sabine needn't play her role as a nun with them. And she wasn't with her harsher than normal words as this was what she felt was a final chance to intervene. Nami was bubbling up, "Maybe hiding wasn't the best word to use. I know from experience when there's more to a story. I'm not judging, nor am I asking you to share. But we're all supposed to be a crew, yeah?" 

If Sabine could see Nami's face from where she stood with her back turned, grand line map in hand, Sabine would see the troubled tears in her friend's lash line. And she'd see how Nami's moment of pain fell to a blank stare, determination suddenly dancing in her eyes. 

Sabine frowned as Nami left, her footsteps echoing as they sounded further and further away. She let out a heavy sigh, chest deflating as her shoulders slouched. Guilt about how harsh she'd been, but nevertheless she wanted to speak her mind. 

Her legs screamed from soreness as she stood, carefully moving closer to Zoro's sleeping form. Standing over him, she let her fingertips graze over his clammy skin. She wiped the sweat from his brow-line with her thumb, reaching for a cold moist towel that rested on his left bicep. 

"Oh Zoro," Sabine whispered, "You kids are just too much to handle sometimes I swear." Not that she was much older than them, almost five years she thinks. A smile cracked on her lips about how Usopp never failed to mention her elderly age. 

The reality of it all wasn't that Sabine nor Nami were inherently evil due to pieces of themselves they kept hidden. It only further justified how complicated life is— how complicated people are. 

Sudden commotion, beyond what Sabine was told to expect, made her hesitantly leave Zoro and head to the Going Merry's deck. Her heart palpitated in her chest with each slow step, hand gliding along the walls for any sort of balance. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears as the banging intensified like muddled water swirling. Crouching down, looking over the bannister, her stomach sank. 

Hand clamped over her mouth to silence herself, 

"No!" She still managed to stifle out watching Arlong toss Luffy into the sea. Quick relief washed over her as Sanji jumped into the sea to go after him immediately. Splashes of torrent aqua blue. Technicolor drowning within her chest like trying to scream underwater. But curiosity shimmered in Sabine's eyes as she watched Nami leave with the fishmen.

But as much as Sabine wanted to be shocked or angry like others of the crew— she wasn't. A level of understanding grew in her chest as the minutes went on allowing her time to think. Little growing vines crept into her head as she recalled Nami's words and body language alike. Arlong would have torn the ship apart to find the map- would have torn Sabine and a recovering Zoro to pieces after taking down Luffy, she was sure. So Sabine stayed quiet even as Zoro woke and the others shared their uncertain opinions— she knew Nami did it to protect them. That she'd been right to assume the younger girl was nursing a secret. A searing sensation made her gasp, as her legs gave out, causing her to go down onto the ship’s deck. She clawed at her chest, at the clothes that adorned her and covered the necklace hidden beneath. 

On the dainty chain was the ring. Mihawk’s ring. Why it felt as if it burned her skin she did not know. The suffocating sea air swirling into her nostrils and intoxicating her mind with its musk and scents from the restaurant. 

It was a gorgeous piece. Sabine could not tear her gaze from it as she studied it. Too large for any of her fingers. Eclectic yet manly, clearly worth more berry than her life would ever be. Truly, it was a piece of him. She could recount the deep vibrations of his voice settled within her core, how his calloused fingers bruised along her skin. And how his lips were on her forehead. She could feel it. Feel his intense aura that warmed her insides like it was wrapping her in an all encompassing, protective blanket, to keep the outside world from laying a finger on her. 

Terror instilled itself, this wasn’t supposed to be happening to her! Close encounters with death. Pirates. Life itself! She should have stayed locked up in her isolated palace that was the monastery. 

But then Sabine realized something. That the terror she felt was from her thoughts. Thoughts that leaving her Sisterhood was the path she needed to take. And that was terrifying, the thought of giving up what was comfortable. All this time sailing with the crew and she wasn’t any closer to coming to a decision, not until meeting Mihawk. 

-

posted: july 12 2024

taglist : @zzbloody-animezz @honeybeezgobzzzzz @mythical-goth @iraaiitz @moonmaiden1996

[roycevelvet]

Darkness at the heart of my love

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x reader Warnings: none Notes: again, don't know where this is going, many ideas, never an ending hihi. Also, listen to this song, it was my muse for this thing/chapter whatever you wanna call it lol.

You traced the faded design on your chipped nail polish, lost in memories of a summer filled with his laughter and stolen kisses. It seemed like ages ago, those sunny days when his voice was always there, comforting and familiar. Now, as you waited for him to answer the phone, you couldn't help but feel the weight of all that had shifted.

"Hey, babe" Noah's voice finally rasped through the phone, heavy with sleep. It was the first time you'd heard from him in days.

"Hey" you forced a smile. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."

He chuckled, but it lacked its usual warmth. "Sorry, busy week. Soundchecks, interviews, you know...”

You bit your lip, pushing down the familiar pang of loneliness. "Yeah, I figured," you mumbled. You weren't sure if you were more hurt by the missed calls or the casual dismissal of your absence, like he hadn't missed you at all.

The silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions. Finally, you gathered your courage. "So, when do you think we can have a proper talk? It’s been a while since, you know, we’ve had an actual conversation that lasted longer than 5 minutes.”

"Honestly, (Y/N), it's been crazy. I don't know when things will settle down."

The truth stung. You knew it wasn't just the tour schedule anymore. He wasn't making the effort, and your once vibrant connection felt like a fading radio signal, distorted and barely there.

"Okay," you said, your voice cracking slightly. "I understand."

You ended the call quickly as you didn't want him to hear you cry. The quiet in your small apartment felt overwhelming, tears welled in your eyes. It made it hard to see as you scrolled through X.

Among the bright lights and pictures of concerts, there he was. Noah, laughing with a bunch of fans, his arm around a pretty blonde girl, her smile big and happy.

A wave of nausea washed over you. You knew, logically, that he was a celebrity, bound to interact with fans. But the sight of him so close to another woman, the intimacy of his touch, ignited a jealousy you hadn't anticipated.

It wasn't just jealousy, though. It was a deeper feeling of insecurity that had been bothering you for weeks. It ate away at your confidence, leaving you feeling empty inside. You started to wonder if you were just a temporary fix in his glamorous world when he came back home.

Every time Noah didn't respond to your messages or calls, it felt like a punch in the gut. You felt completely alone, like you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty, desperately clinging to the hope that Noah would throw you a lifeline.

But he never did. Instead, he brushed aside your attempts to share your feelings, making empty promises and offering half-hearted apologies. It felt like he didn't really care about you anymore, as if you didn't matter in the grand scheme of his busy life.

When you called, he was always laughing with someone in the background, always busy, always talking. Other times, he was tired, his voice heavy with exhaustion, or sleepy, his words slurred as he struggled to stay awake. But his attention was never one hundred percent on you. It was as if he existed in a world that never slowed down, a whirlwind that left little room for anything else, for anyone else.

One evening, as you sat alone, feeling sad and listening to music, how poetic. The lyrics of "Darkness at the Heart of My Love," the song you and Noah shared, echoed around the room. Now, the lyrics felt hollow, a cruel reminder of a love that couldn't survive the distance.

A bitter smile twisted your lips. The summer had died, taking your love with it. You finally understood Noah's silence. It wasn't just about the tour schedule; it was about him choosing a different path, a path that didn't include you.

The anger that had been simmering beneath finally boiled over. You grabbed your phone and dialed his number, your fingers trembling slightly. He answered after the first ring, his voice laced with surprise.

"Is that it, Noah?" you began, your voice surprisingly steady despite the storm raging within you. "Is this how it ends? With unanswered calls and texts and photos with girls who look like they stepped out of a magazine?"

The silence on the other end was heavy and suffocating. Noah was surprised by your sudden outburst, his usually quick response delayed as he struggled with your words. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Noah spoke.”I… I don't know what to say, (Y/N). It's not like that."

He sighed. Did he just fucking sigh at your words? This making you even angrier than you already were.

"Then what is it like, Noah?" you asked, raging. "Why do I feel like I'm always waiting for you, but you don’t seem to need me?”

There was a pause, a long silence again. And then, Noah's voice said “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I've been so caught up in everything... I didn't mean to make you feel this way."

His words made you feel hopeful at first. But then doubt crept in, whispering that maybe he did mean it to make you feel this way. After all, he had been practically ignoring you for weeks, so why would things suddenly change now?

"Tell me, Noah," you continued, your voice shaking slightly as you recite the lyrics of your shared song. "Does your love have a darkness? Does it run cold, deep, like the lyrics you so readily quote all the time?"

Noah's answer came quickly, his words rushing out. "No, (Y/N), it's not like that. I love you, I really do. But... I've been struggling with everything."

You listened, feeling a tug on your heart with each word he said. But even as he opened up about his struggles, you couldn't shake the lingering question: why hadn't he reached out to you sooner? Why had he left you feeling lost and alone, without any explanation?

"Goodbye, Noah," you said, the weight of the word crushing you as much as it crushed him.

You didn't wait for a response. You didn't need one. You ended the call, the silence on the other end told you everything you needed to know.

—

But the silence wouldn't last forever. Occasionally, you'd be brought back to reality by the harsh ringtone cutting through silence. Your heart would skip a beat, hoping it was Noah finally reaching out, but it was never Noah.

Everything seemed to remind you of him, yet you never felt lonelier. You couldn't help but wonder why Noah never bothered to reach out, not even once. Did you really mean that little to him? Were you really that disposable?

In the days after, you kept busy with work or watching Netflix late into the night, trying to avoid thinking about Noah. But he was always there, like a ghost in your thoughts.

You tried to find comfort in your usual daily routine, but it couldn't fill the emptiness. The coffee tasted bitter, hanging out with friends felt empty, and the nights felt long and lonely.

You tried to move on, exploring new things and even going on a few dates. But every new situationship felt like a weak copy of what you had with Noah. He had made a big impression on your heart, and no matter how much time passed or how far you went, you couldn't forget it.

Despite the hurt, there was a small shimmer of hope. You wished, deep down, that someday he would return, willing to fight for you. Though you felt really silly and stupid for even dare to think this way.

But even as you struggled with everything, life kept marching on. You started to find joy again in unexpected places, glimpses of happiness.

And slowly, ever so slowly, the ache in your heart began to simmer down. It didn't disappear entirely – you doubted it ever would – but it became more bearable, a constant companion rather than an overwhelming force.

You threw yourself into your passions, rediscovering the things that brought you joy before Noah had come crashing into your life. Music became your refuge once more, the melodies and lyrics you hadn't realized you'd been missing.

—

One evening, a couple of months later, you had a small gig at a nearby bar. It was a simple chance to share your songs with a small crowd which you really appreciated. 

The concert was fantastic, but you did feel kinda relieved when it ended. As you left the stage, still buzzing with adrenaline, you were met with cheers and applause from the small but enthusiastic crowd. Lottie and Taylor, your ever-supportive best friends, beaming with excitement.

“(Y/N), you were absolutely stunning out there!" Lottie exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Seriously, (Y/N), that was incredible," Taylor chimed in, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "You absolutely smashed it!"

You smiled at your friends, feeling grateful for their constant support. Together, you moved through the crowd, settling into a cozy booth.

The air was filled with the scent of beer and the sound of people chatting and clinking glasses. Laughter and shared memories filled the air, recalling inside jokes and cherished memories.

They skillfully avoided mentioning Noah though, as they were fuming with him for how he had broken their best friend down to a shadow of herself. 

You were thankful for them, as they had been there since the start, helping you through the heartbreak.

As the night went on and the drinks kept coming, you got lost in the fun with your friends, forgetting about time and how much you had to drink. But just when you were starting to relax and enjoy the moment, you felt someone looking at you.

You turned around and saw Noah, his expression hard to figure out but somehow familiar. And in that quick moment, it was just the two of you, silently looking at each other. Everything else around you disappearing.

To be continued.

[ijwrite]

Female orc x Female reader Part 2

Living with Hakla had been... Let's say an adjustment. You are counting yourself lucky, simply by having survived the first few days of her presence. Even after you had welcomed her into your home, she kept her guard up around you, especially when you were holding Qarak. But you couldn't really blame her. Though she did like the name you gave him. "A name of an old orc hero. Good name. He is Qarak" As she put it. The first morning she awoke in your house, was to Qarak screaming his lungs out. She sprung out of her travelling bedroll, axe ready (which you had the suspicion that she slept with). So now your morning consisted of you trying to calm not just one, but two orcs. You picked up Qarak under Haklas piercing gaze. "Whatsa matter? Why's he cryin?" She growled, ready to blame you. "Hey is just morning grumpy and wants cuddles and attention. Will you hold him for a minute?" She nodded and held out her arms. "It might be a good idea to put the axe down first?" "Ah. Right" She put down the axe and took Qarak from your arms. He slowly stopped sniffling, looking up at Hakla curiously. You turned to make some breakfast. It only took a little while, and soon there were three bowls of stewed fruits steaming on the table. You motioned for Hakla to sit, which she did. She did not put Qarak into his chair, but instead held onto him. You push a large and small bowl over to them, nodding before starting to eat yourself. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Hakla sniffing the bowls of stew suspiciously, before carefully picking up and licking the spoon you had put in. She deemed it safe and began trying to feed Qarak.

He did not agree with this, and instead decided to avoid the spoon at all costs. You could hear Hakla mumbling in orcish, trying and failing to get him to eat. You put down your own spoon. "Try acting like you're eating it yourself. Then he will know it is safe" You softly told her, receiving a glare in turn. Yet after a few more attempts at feeding him failed, she did indeed almost put the spoon into her mouth, before putting it to his lips again. This time he opened his mouth and started to eat happily. Only after he emptied his bowl did Hakla begin eating. It was all gone before you could blink twice. You handed her a handkerchief before taking the empty bowls to wash them at your indoor pump basin.

Hakla followed you around everywhere the first couple of days, adjusting to your routine of keeping animals and your fields. She was carrying Qarak, which he didn't seem to mind much. You showed her your fields and your animals. She simply followed you around, eyeing everything with suspicion. She paid attention to everything though, and the next morning you had help to take care of your animals.

You never asked Hakla about anything regarding her life before, nor how Qarak ended up here.

You found it wasn't your place. But you did wonder. Hakla seemed very insecure when taking care of Qarak, always having to rely on your advice, though she did it reluctantly. She obviously loved him, but she seemed like a fish out of water whenever she had to take care of him. It didn't bug you though, you just went about your day, content and even happy with the company. It did seem to bother Hakla though. "Why are you so good with 'im?" She asked one evening, as you were sitting on the floor, playing with Qarak. "Hm. Well, you just have to make sure that he is comfortable. He is a little person, so he needs what other people will need, just with a bit more assistance I guess" You shrugged as you tickled his stomach, eliciting a gleeful screech. Hakla sighed deeply, and you felt the little interaction was over. She still did not trust you enough to get too vulnerable around you, but you didn't mind. Things take their time, after all. One day though, you had been caught in a sudden downpour, but couldn't run for shelter immediately, since you had to make sure none of the animals or iron tools had been left out. You came back inside absolutely soaked to the bone, and it had apparently been enough to get you sick. You woke up the day after with a hammering headache, chills, and a stuffed nose. You damned the weather for a few moments, before sitting up to get out of bed. You regretted this, since your world immediately went spinning. Then, without a warning, you sneezed. And it was loud. Both Qarak and Hakla jumped awake, looking over at you. At least the axe was not out yet. "Sorry, did gnot mean to wake nyou" you sniffled and stood up. You felt Haklas eyes scrutinising you from behind before she decided to say something. "Yer sick. Go sleep again" "Cang't. Got to check the angimals, the fields angd the bees" You sounded and felt horrible, but you could not just neglect your duties. Hakla snorted. "I'll do it. Sleep" You spun around, looking at her with an eyebrow raised.

"You sure?"

"Ye" You really would like to just sleep this sickness away, and if Hakla believed she could take over for a day, then you had to trust her. Trust is mutual, after all. So you nodded and staggered back to your bed, sighing in bliss as you lay your sore head onto your pillow. It did not take long for you to fall asleep. When you woke up again, it was to Qarak booping your nose. In your delirious state, you couldn't even tell what time it was. As you lifted your head, you felt something slide from your forehead onto your pillow. A green blur filled your vision, picking up a smaller blob and carrying it away before picking up whatever fell from you face and put it back again. "Lay still. Your fever is worse" A deep voice told you, and you obeyed. The thing they put on your head felt nice and cool, staving of the headache if just for a little bit. You lifted your arm to feel what it was, but accidently smacked it against the arm of what you by now had finally realised was Hakla. You immediately became alert as you heard a small grunt of pain from her. "You're hurt?" You asked and sat slightly up. "The bees do not like me" Came the short answer. You should have known. "Qarak?" You felt for the small bumps of beestings, feeling not many, but large ones. "Didn't bring him close to the damn things" This made you smile. "See? You are a good mother. Now lemme just..." You sat up, not seeing Hakla's conflicted, yet happy expression. Staggering over to your pantry, you pulled out a clove of garlic.

"What... Are you doing?" She asked as you opened the garlic and pulled out a small knife. "Hushhhh" You said, still woozy from the sickness. Under Hakla's watchful eyes, you cut open a piece of the garlic and started pressing it against some of the beestings. When that was done, you pressed a little kiss to her arm and laid down again before catching glimpse of her bewilderment. In your sleep, you felt the cool rag be put back onto your face.

Yes, living with Hakla was an adjustment. But it might be an adjustment to something better.

[lieutenantfloyd]

When Duty Calls Part 2 | Cyclone x Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: You arrive at The Hard Deck, a place that was once like a second home to you.

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, and Hangman being... Hangman.

Authors note: Life with a neurodivergent brain means I haven't updated this series since September but I managed to write this chapter in less than a day. Writers block be damned lol.

Read on AO3

It only took you twenty minutes to arrive at The Hard Deck, but another twenty minutes elapsed before you were able to convince yourself to open the car door.

You savor one last minute of air conditioning before willing yourself out of the car. Each crunch of sand under your shoes feels almost deafening but you push yourself forward, instead letting your eyes examine the scene in front of you. It’s early evening and a decent size crowd is occupying the parking lot while a slow moving but steady stream of people flow through the front door.

You join the back of the pack and slip your phone out from your back pocket. As luck would have it, your phone—unused since before you’d gotten in the shower—opens directly onto the text-that-shall-not-be-named. The panic inducing text bubbles have vanished and your initial message remains the last one sent between you both. Half of you is flooded with relief by the lack of response while the other half is more bothered by it than you’d ever care to admit.

You peer around the man in front of you, hoping to find a spot to slip through, but to no avail. From where you’re standing, you’re granted a perfectly framed view of The Hard Deck’s sun washed coastal siding against the blazing blue sky. It is a view that fills you with both comfort and nostalgia.

The nights you’d spent at this bar were among the few memories you let yourself get lost in. Quarters in the jukebox, the feeling of salt and sun making itself home on your skin, Clinking bottles and cans together after a job well done, the biting taste of whiskey on your tongue while venting frustrations. All things that drove you away, yet they kept you going when you needed it most.

Your spiraling thoughts barely register when you remember the phone still in your hands. You hurriedly lock the screen and slide the device back into your pocket. You far from expect anyone peering over your shoulder to piece together exactly who had left you on read, but your instincts tell you that you can’t be too careful. You’ve seen first hand how people here ensure that even the most baseless rumors spread quicker than wildfire. The last thing you need is to be pulled into an office and reprimanded before this mission even begins.

You were now second place from the entrance, so you capture the remaining moments and stomp out the last bit of anxiety left in your gut.

You cross the threshold in one quick step, your eyes already scanning the room and taking note of how many of the faces in this bar were completely unfamiliar. Whoever had sent the summoning text you’d received roughly two hours earlier chose to leave out who or what you should be looking for, so you instinctively set off towards the bar. ~ There wasn’t an empty barstool in sight, so you stay on your feet and shoulder your way through the rowdy servicemen until you can lean your elbows against bar top. Your chosen attire of light wash jeans and a brown tank top is nothing special, but your actions have earned more than a few glances, and you felt myself wanting to shrink under their eyes. You push your insecurities aside just in time to spot the woman you’re looking for.

“Penny!” you call out, raising your arm above your head in a lazy wave. She pivots instantly at the sound of her name and freezes briefly as her eyes land on you. A wave of memories—both wanted and not—wash over you in the time it takes her to abandon the towel and glass she’d been drying and pace over to you.

In a past life, you’d spent the majority of your free time helping out behind the bar or escorting Amelia and her friends around town. Penny was like a sister to you then, and both her and Amelia had been two of the hardest people to leave behind.

“Now that’s a face I didn’t expected to see at my bar again.” Penny says bluntly, but you can see the tell tale signs of a smile threatening to shine through.

“It’s good to see you too, pen.” You say with an easy smile.

“I assume you got called back too?” she asks. You give her a curt nod in response.

“Well then it seems like your friends got the party started without you.” She says while signaling towards the pool table on the far side of the bar.

“Friends is a strong word.” You say dryly.

“Well, in that case,“ She starts, only to pause and crouch down behind the bar. “Go easy on them.”

She finishes her sentence with a soft laugh and slides a can across the bar towards you. You wipe the ice and condensation off the rim and crack open the soda. The action is so familiar you don’t even give the can’s label a glance. You make sure to take a long, dramatic swig in the process.

“Thanks.” You say, tilting the can towards her while simultaneously breezing past her comment.

“I mean what I said. I obviously don’t know what’s ahead, but I get the sense that they don’t either. Hold your cards close to your chest around them.” She warns.

“Yes ma’am.” You affirm.

The area around you has cleared a bit which gives you some much appreciated breathing room. Over Penny’s shoulder you watch yet another man approach the bar, only this time it’s a face you’re anything but excited to recognize.

Of course Hangman would be back too.

You fight back the urge to grimace as he calls out to Penny, who quickly acknowledges him before turning back to you.

“Do you still have my number?” She asks.

“Always.” You answer, which earns me a soft smile from Penny.

“Good. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“That we do.” you agree, trying your best to mask any lingering unease about what the following weeks had in store.

You take your time circling the bar, and keep your eyes on Hangman as Penny serves him another beer. You have half a mind to ask him if he has any idea why we were all called back, but the thought dies the minute he makes an painful show of checking you out.

"Hangman." You say with the fakest smile you can manage.

“Just when I’d thought you were gone for good…” he says while dragging his gaze slowly up your body until he reaches your eyes.

“I knew you’d be bored without me.”

Jake laughs while you take a sip of soda and swallow down the anger building inside you.

“Aw, how considerate.”

“We can’t all be complete assholes, so…” You respond pointedly.

Hangman gears up in rebuttal just as Penny calls out your name and waves you back over. He turns to make his leave��and you’re almost shocked he’s accepting defeat—but the shock instantly becomes irritation when you both back away while throwing each other equally unkind hand gestures.

Turning towards Penny, you let her take your free hand in hers and give it a sisterly squeeze. An uncomfortable silence lies between you, and you can practically see the wheels of contemplation turning in her head.

“Have you… talked to him?” She queries in a low voice.

You don’t know what your face betrays, but hers instantly fills with a look of regret. You change your grip on the soda can, the chilled aluminum suddenly searing against your fingertips. You open your mouth to answer but can’t find the right words. Thankfully, she seems to take the silence as a hint.

“Well, I hope to see you both around more often.” She says quietly. Her words are simple and pleasant, but you can’t help but feel the urge to read deeper into them.

“Yeah, me too.” You breathe.

She squeezes your hand once more, and you all but cringe as the vulnerability in your words and voice rings loudly in your ears. After the unfortunate events of the last ten minutes, you’re quick to follow Hangman’s path towards the pool table. ~ You can feel eyes on you as you drop into one of the surrounding barstools, but make no effort of acknowledging them. The game plan you’d written earlier in the day flashes through your mind, and you know you don’t want to draw any more attention to yourself than necessary. You chose to sit and observe for a while before briefly catching up with old friends from your first time at Top Gun over a few rounds of pool. Soon after, you use the uncomfortably tense exchange between Hangman and Rooster as cover and slink onto the stool next to Phoenix’s new backseater.

You quickly learn that as quiet as he may be, the WSO—who’s stationed out in Lemoore and has the name and callsign Bob, according to your former wingman Natasha—Is more than happy to engage in a bit of gossip. Something which you’re happy to do as you watch the last several aviators file through the door.

It is only when you rise from your seat to refill Bob’s bucket of peanuts that you notice the awkward hush falling over the group. It wasn’t hard to decide that if the already heavy dose of tension was anything to go by, this mission—and the complete lack of details as to why any of you had been called back here in the first place—has everyone feeling shook up.

Bucket in hand, you skim the outskirts of the group. And quickly share a collective double take with Harvard, Yale, Omaha, and Fritz. You know the same question weighing heavy on your mind is doing the same to theirs. Yet before you can ask, the sound of Phoenix’s voice commands everyone’s attention and breathes life into one of the many questions you are all dying to ask.

“Everyone here is the best there is. So who the hell are they going to get to teach us?”

Taglist: @katesmadness @natasharomanoffisbaebby @nobody7102 @idiomaticpunk @thebeckyjolene @paintballkid711 @barbiewritesstuff @bbooks-and-teas @starshipfantasy @saramaple @marchingicenotes7 @bayisdying @princessofglitterland @katesmadness @shakira-sasha @xoxabs88xox @nyx2021 @qardasngan @fanboyluvr @bellamy1998 @alexxavicry @madamemelancholysstuff @autumnleaves1991-reads @dozcan123 @noxytopy @accio-boys @the-winter-marvel33 @justameresimp @abaker74 @starlightmoon2020 @comfortzonequeen, @flrboyd @heyitskay-21 @kmc1989 @kkrenae

[arroganceisherfavoritecolor]

Enjoy the silence

Carl and reader have a moment while on the job...

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*Reader uses fem pronouns, mentions of past bullying, reader is insecure✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It had been a long day for you and your friends in Alexandria. You had been on a run since early in the morning, having to leave at sunrise due to the long drive out to a city to look for some supplies. You had all gotten back by the time the sun was almost completely out of sight, thankfully. You were all hoping to get home, shower and knock out as soon as possible. But of course, you and your best friend, Carl, were the two people Deanna had ordered to keep watch.

Now usually, you despised having to be on watch duty. You found it boring and agonizingly long, and what made it worse was the fact that there was no chance of sleeping till the next day. But when you did it with Carl, it was a whole different story. Carl always found a way to make the night more interesting, whether it be his funny dad-jokes or the gossip he would hear around Alexandria. In other words, Carl made everything so, so much better. Although it had only been about a year since you first met him, he felt like home. He surrounded you with a warm feeling, you knew that no matter what, you could go to him and you'd feel okay. As you were deep into your thoughts, you heard footsteps coming from the ladder. You looked to the right and saw Carl making his way up. Your heart lit up and you felt that feeling of warmth wash over you. You smiled at Carl involuntarily, just looking at him made you feel happy. "Hey [Name]." His voice sounded like music to your ears, better than any tune or beat you've heard in your life. "Hi Carl." He stood next to you. You and Carl were almost touching shoulders, since the towers small box-like frame didn't provide the most space. You began to converse with him, talking about how the day went. Every few minutes, either you or Carl would see a walker and shoot it down and then go back to your conversation.

It had been 3 hours of you and him talking. The time flew by like seconds. This was another thing you liked about Carl, it was the way you could talk to him for hours and never get bored. At some point, you had brought up how at one of the recent parties, some older women in Alexandria began to make snarky comments towards you. They said things about how your hair looked ragged and your skin was dull. You'd think that when in the middle of a zombie outbreak, they'd have much better things to worry about. "The old-heads gave me shit about my skin and hair again" you said with a slight chuckle, you didn't want Carl to think you were a sensitive crybaby. "tch, dont even pay attention to them [Name], they're just jealous because theyre all old and wrinkly." You laughed at Carls remark. "Its okay, I dont really mind. I remember in school, before the outbreak, kids would pick on me for the same shit." Carls once relaxed aura turned curious. "What would they say exactly?" He asked politely, not wanting to intrude.

"Well, it was usually about my face or my weight. It used to make me really upset, to the point where i'd beg my mom to not take me to school. But after a little while, I learned not to care . Besides, growing up with mostly skinny and pretty friends kind of toughens you up." You tried smiling at Carl and looking him in the eyes to show you werent sad. "What do you mean?" He asked. "A lot of my friends would have all the boys chasing after them, even in Kindergarten. Think of it like how Enid gets treated by every other teen here. Since I wasnt ever really the cute type, i'd just watch from the side." You smiled again, but this time avoided eye contact. "Wait, so youre saying that NO boys had crushes on YOU?" He emphasized on the "you" part. "I mean... I guess?" You shrugged while grinning. Carls face was twisted in a confused expression. "Why are you looking at me like that Grimes?" You laughed out. "I just find it hard to believe that no one ever 'like-liked' you." You tilted your head to the side, brows furrowed in confusion as to what he was gonna say. "Youre just so... perfect. Youre smart, funny, beautiful... and you can beat some zombie ass." You giggled, feeling a blush creep up on your face. "You think i'm beautiful, Carl?" You asked him shyly, afraid of sounding conceited or selfish. "Of course I do [Name]." He said.

He turned his head all the way in your direction, wanting a perfect view of you. He looked so handsome in this moment. His sheriffs hat was on top of his soft brown hair. His flannel was unbuttoned half way, his white t-shirt peeking through. The sleeves of the flannel were rolled up to his forearm. His hands were behind his back, slender and tall frame leaning against the wooden post of the watch tower. His face was illuminated by the soft glowing oil lamp that sat on the chair in front of you two. His diamond-like eye and ghostly pale skin looked so pretty in the mixture of the warm light of the lamp and the cold light of the moon. You felt your heart rate spike, your pupils dilated. He looked so kissable, all you wanted to do was grab him by the shoulders and kiss his lips til you were both breathless. Carl could say the same for you, as your (eye color) eyes and (skin color) skin looked gorgeous in the light of the lamp and moon. Your slightly tattered tank top hugged your curves and your low-waisted ripped black jeans did as well, exposing a small portion of your mid drift. Carl noticed your cheeks were rosy and your eyes were glossy. Your lips were slightly parted due to the impact of Carl calling you beautiful.

He fixed his posture, standing all the way up and walked towards you. It only took about 1 or 2 steps for him to be face to face with you. He tilted his head downwards, making eye contact. (eye color) eyes gazing into his, you felt the warm feelings 10x. He touched your (hair color) hair, twirling it in his fingers. His hands went from your hair to your cheek, cupping it. He stroked his thumb against your soft skin, feeling the heat. 'So much for dull skin and hair' Carl thought to himself, cursing those old hags for making his love feel bad. "Carl.." You finally spoke out, your voice nothing but a low whisper. From this angle, Carls face was no longer in view of the lamp. The only lighting you got was from the moon, directly shining down on you and him. You took each other's features in, not once breaking contact from eachother. Carl closed his eye, slowly began to lean in, and kissed you. His pink lips were soft, the feeling of the kiss was like satin bed sheets and velvety pillows. He put his other hand on your other cheek, guiding you to be impossibly closer to him. You felt fireworks go off in your brain and stomach. The moment you had waited so long for had finally happened. You deepened the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. You could feel Carls tongue slip inside of your mouth, the feeling so foreign and yet so good. You slowly broke away from the kiss face hotter than ever. You and Carl stood there, trying to process what had just happened. After a few 30 seconds, you both began laughing from the overwhelming feeling of happiness. For the rest of the night, you held each other, enjoying the silence.

"All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

Is here in my arms" - Enjoy the Silence, Depeche Mode

A/N: I have wanted to write for Carl for the longesttt time !! I hope u guys liked it pls request more stufffff ;3

[billys-pretty-babe]

I'm sorry to bother you but do you take requests for lil insecure anon here? You're You're amazing writer btw...

If you can and would like to, can you pls write something about Billy being hella sick, can be after or before the events at star course, and for once someone is taking care of him, aka someone being his girlfriend that is also his best friend (sorry I just live for the hcs that billy would date his best friend).

If you don't feel comfortable is fine really! I hope you're having a good day

Hi baby, I take requests from anyone and everyone! Don't ever be afraid to request something from me (it may take a few days depending on how my week is going). I'm so sorry that this is almost a week late.

Let Me

Pairing : Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

Summary : ^^^

Warnings : Vomit and swearing

Word count : ~ 1.02k

A/N : Requests are open

His entire body shook as he coughed. It had been almost a month since Starcourt and Billy's immune system was still weak. He groaned, his throat sore, his nose runny and his head was pounding. "Baby," he called out as best as he could, he knew you were somewhere in the house but he wasn't sure where.

The bedroom door pushed open as you held a cup of water and placed it beside him before pushing his sweaty hair back as you felt his forehead. "Baby, you're burning up. You wanna take a bath or shower?" He shook his head and you helped him take the blanket off considering he was shivering and complaining that he was cold not even ten minutes ago.

"Here, drink some water." He nodded and groaned, his body was aching, everything just hurt and he wanted to cry from the pain but he knew if he could face death at eighteen, he'd be fine with whatever sickness he was dealing with at the moment. You helped him sit up as he drank the cold water, letting his eyes flutter shut as the water helped soothe his throat momentarily before he put the glass down.

"Want something to eat?" He shook his head because he knew he wouldn't be able to stomach it, hell, the water made him feel nauseous. "You'll have to eat soon, B." He nodded and laid back down, spreading out as you wiped his sweaty skin with a wash rag. You gently rubbed his cheek, feeling bad for him. "I'll be back to check on you, take a nap, okay?" He nodded and you left the room and he fell asleep.

30 minutes passed and you decided to check on Billy. You walked into his bedroom to see his head in his trash can, his body lurching forward. You hated vomit, always ran when someone would merely gag but this was Billy, the same boy who risked his life to save teenagers a month ago.

You walked over and moved his hair back from his face as you gently rubbed his back. He finished emptying everything in his stomach before you took the bag from the trash can and quickly ran it outside before putting a new one in the black trash can and you grabbed a rag and dampened it with cold water. You hummed as you walked back to him, cleaning his face and wiping the tears under his eyes.

"I fucking hurt," he said, his voice straining. "Want some Tylenol? It might make your fever go down too." He nodded and you searched his cabinet before finding a bottle of Tylenol and you gave him two pills and handed him his water as he swallowed them. He groaned, his head on his headboard as he looked up.

He reached for you, he just wanted to be comforted but he wouldn't allow you to sleep beside him or kiss him because he didn't know what he had and he couldn't bare to see you in the same position he was. You moved closer to him as he held your waist. "Come on, let's get you a bath." He nodded and you helped him to his bathroom as he sat on the toilet lid as you prepped the bath for him. "Make it cold, please." You looked back, your eyes sad for him.

"Billy, it can't be cold, baby. It'll make you shiver and make your fever worse." He nodded and you tested the temperature of the water, making sure it was warm but not too hot or too cold and you helped him strip before putting him in the tub. He sighed and relaxed, shutting his eyes. You wet his hair and washed it for him, knowing the sweaty strands were aggravating him.

He twisted so his arms were on the side of the tub as he groaned and coughed as you rubbed his back. His coughing fit stopped and he put his head on the side of the tub as you gently rubbed his cheek as you talked to him softly, trying to provide comfort for him as you washed his sweaty skin.

"Let me get your clothes, okay?" He nodded and you left the bathroom and found him a pair of sweatpants. "B, do you have any boxers?" "Hamper," he called out as best as he could. You found the hamper with his clean clothes that you had washed two days before and found a pair before going into the bathroom. You grabbed a towel and helped him out of the tub as you handed him the towel and he dried himself off as you unplugged the drain of the tub.

You plugged in his hair dryer and he cringed before you turned it on. "I know baby but I'm gonna try and make it quick. You can't have wet hair or you'll feel worse." He nodded and slid his boxers and sweatpants on. You grabbed the damp towel and slid it under his hair. "Put the towel over your ears so it'll muffle the sound." He nodded and covered his ears with the towel and his hands as you put the dryer on hot and on the lowest setting so the motor wasn't as loud as you quickly dried his curly hair, using the end of the towel to aid you with the excess water.

You finished his hair and dried off his torso and despite being sick he smirked at you in the mirror. "No, you're sick. Go lay back down." He huffed and walked back to his bed and he laid down and covered up. "I'm cold again." You nodded and put the blankets on him as you sat beside him, moving his hair back. "Want me to lay with you?" He shook his head, "Don't want you to get sick." You nodded, "Okay." His hand found yours, his skin scorching hot as he intertwined his fingers with yours, making you smile.

You continued playing with his hair until he fell asleep. You leaned down and kissed his forehead, "I love you," you softly said, your lips brushing against his clean skin.

[the-s1lly-corner]

This may be specific but I also think it would be kind of cute

Okay so Eyeless Jack x reader who is like pretty intimidating looking and always keeps a stoic expression on and also really tall

Then he gets to know them and it's like "Oh you're not scary, just ✨️traumatised✨️" because they only show emotions to those they trust

Like they will glare at someone who said something mean then be all lovey dovey to Jack but still a little reserved cause they're still new to the whole "wow someone actually loves me"

Could you make 2 versions? One being platonic and the other being romantic (also reader just straight up denying that Jack is insecure cause how could he? He's the definition of perfection in their eyes)

Eyeless Jack x stoic!reader whos sweet to him (?)

i must admit it took me a little while to think of some ideas for this prompt, my apologies for the delay </3 i also wasnt too sure what to title this TToTT but regardless i hope you enjoy this! even through the struggle for ideas, i gotta admit, this idea is adorable esp since i personally write jack to be more self loathing mainly written as platonic but there is a segment at the end for romantic hcs ! easier than to write two separate full fledged sections!

uhuh light CW for implied SH on ejs part since the admin thinks that while jack is slowly descending into his whole.. demon thing hes physically and mentally fighting with himself to remain lucid; nothing explicitly written but id rather be safe than sorry

honestly i think it might take him a good hot minute to really let you treat him like hes deserving of anything more than a scowl, especially if he sees how you act around other people... because why him, of all people? there are people better for you

yet he doesnt stop you from coming to his cabin in the woods, he doesnt stop you from doing some work around the place so its safer and more habitable for him, he doesnt stop you from patching up his clothing and washing them. why doesnt he stop you? he knows he doesnt deserve it...

he almost hates the way you look at him sometimes, if you look at him with pity. like hes some lost dog needing someone to take care of him

he doesnt need help, hes been doing this whole thing by himself for a long time now and he hasnt needed anyone

and yet

he doesnt push you away when you go in to clean his face after a particularly nasty fight with himself

you even run a warm bath for him

its been so long since hes been warm

i like to think that he tries to seek you out when you dont come to visit him for a few days.. did something happen to you? were you hurt? sick? did someone do something to you? did you move away? where did you go...?

wont ever admit it but i think hes at least a little starved for a connection, sure hes a hermit and he was already closed off before he started turning into this man eating monster, but deep down he still has his human roots in there kicking, and humans thrive on connections... in the truest sense, he needs you. not sexually or carnally or romantically, he just needs someone to talk to him to keep him from going truly mad

finds himself thinking about you more than hed like to admit, even if he doesnt have any romantic feelings for you hes going to beat himself up. he came here to his silly little cabin in the woods to get away from people for everyones sake; only coming out when he needs to 'hunt'

its like befriending a stray cat, i think. they hiss and swipe at first but overtime they try to cuddle up to you if you give them enough time to build up that trust

admin likes to think he has pointed ears, and i think that they would twitch a little if he sees a smile forming on your face...

as for romantics....

i think he would look at where you walked off to, to go home... longing, almost daring himself to go after you or say something because he cant stand spending another night alone in the woods

leaves you gifts, anonymously, but leaving them none the less. if you ask if he was the one who left them hes not going to admit it, you can imply that you know it was him, but he will hold firm in his denial

building off of the ear idea, he totally gives himself away when he starts blushing... he looks like the type to have his blush reach his ears... not too mention the flicks dont make it any less discrete,,,

even he doesnt notice it, but he tries to make excuses for you to stay around longer during hang out sessions, stopping just short of offering to watch the grass grow

i think this would feed into his self loathing, though. in my eyes, jack was dragged into a human sacrifice unwillingly and unknowingly. his life was robbed away from him, he was robbed of ever having a normal life with you... you deserve better, he thinks. very heavy shit, you know? i think it leads to his mental state being even worse than before

god i had intentions of going into this with fluff but this just came out angstier than my middle school ocs TToTT

[hwanchaesong]

Hard To Love

Choi Beomgyu X Reader

genre & warnings: angst, fluff, kind of like soulmate au and university au, toxic relationship, cheating, cursing

word count: 2.1k

a/n: your order's up! i hope you'll like this 💚 to anyone who wants to request, please do check the rules. thank you so much~

They say that when it's really meant for you, it will naturally come to you.

You met Beomgyu during your highschool. He was friendly and nice, loud and funny, everything that you wanted for a friend. Unfortunately, you have different friend groups, and you were in a relationship.

Yes, it's in the past and it has been years since that ugly break-up.

"It wasn't what it looked like. I swear." your soon to be ex-boyfriend, Jeonghan, tried to persuade you into staying with him but you are so done.

"Really now?" you scoffed, pulling your phone out and showing him more evidence of his cheating. "So you're telling me that your lips were suddenly glued to hers?"

"No." he choked, his brain working to make up some poor excuse that he could use, "That was an accident I swear."

"Whatever, go to her for all I care."

You rolled your eyes, getting ready to leave but your steps falter when you hear his next words, "This is why I can't tolerate you."

What?

You turned to him, the tears that you tried to keep threatened to fall, "What did you say?" you whispered that for some reason he still heard.

"I said," he took a deep breath, "this is why I chose other girls instead of you."

Huh. Is he trying to put the blame on you?

"You're saying it's my fault?" you shakily asked.

"Of course, it fucking is." he laughed dryly, "You don't come with me to parties, you don't want to take photos with me, heck, you don't even hold hands with me in public."

You took a step back, not believing that he had the audacity to use your insecurities against you. He knew you were prone to social anxiety, that you think you don't look photogenic enough, and that if he's seen with you, then some people might think that he's too good to be with you.

"Well, now that's out in the open," he walked towards you, his hand moving under your chin to lift it up, allowing you to take a good look at his smug expression, "I'll gladly say that you're a good riddance, my love."

The way he said 'my love' that day was full of disgust, and thinking about it now made you shrink back.

But it has been three years since then. You're in college now and you can proudly say that you've been working on yourself after that.

You loved and took care of yourself. Your confidence soared and you took an oath (in the mirror) to not fall in love again because all men are crap.

You were too deep in thought that you didn't notice the figure in front of you, making you bump into it.

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"Oh no, I- Hey, you look familiar."

You glanced up when a voice that you were sure you had heard before resonated in your ears. He does look familiar as well.

The male was staring at you intently before a bright grin appeared on his face, "Ah! Y/N!"

You blinked, "Beomgyu? You know me?"

He chuckled at your question, "Of course I know you, we were classmates back in highschool."

"Right." you laughed awkwardly, not really knowing what to do.

"Seems like we both attend the same university. Come on." he gestured for you to walk with him, to which you gratefully accepted.

It was a few minutes of walk and you truly enjoyed his company. He was still the same old Beomgyu that you used to know. A sense of comfort washing over you, knowing that some people remain kind.

Shockingly, you both stopped in the same classroom.

"My room's right here." you told him, looking at him to say your goodbyes.

"What a coincidence, this is mine as well."

Bold of you to assume that he walked you to your classroom. Seriously, Y/N, get yourself together.

"Seems like we're classmates again," he grinned at you, "would it be okay then if I sit beside you."

You gave a small smile and shook your head, watching him occupy the seat beside you.

This wasn't so bad, maybe you can befriend him now since no one is stopping you from doing so.

It was uncanny to say the least, because everywhere you go, Choi Beomgyu was there.

You went to the library to borrow a book, but the said book was placed high on the shelves. As you tried your best to get it through your tiptoes, he was suddenly behind you, reaching for it with ease before handing it to you.

You want to go study in the campus coffee shop but it was full, no worries! Beomgyu is sitting all by himself, you can share the table with him.

Your favorite drink in the vending machine was not available anymore? What a tragedy! Good thing that your knight in shining armor, aka Beomgyu, bought one in the convenience store this morning.

Soon enough, Beomgyu's presence became permanent in your life. It's like you're always looking for him, missing him when he's not there and this is a dangerous game you're playing.

You convince yourself every night, that no, you're not growing feelings for your friend. That you will never, ever have feelings for him.

If you're going to be honest, Beomgyu is the definition of 'perfect boyfriend' in everyone's ideal type book. It's just that... you made a promise to yourself and your pride was way too sky-high to break that. Whenever you think about entering a relationship once more, it makes you want to throw up. The trauma and insecurities that you had successfully buried will be out in the open, and you won't risk it.

"Yeonjun will be hosting a party this weekend, you should come." Beomgyu excitedly invites you while eating in the cafeteria.

"Can't. I have a lot to do."

Not particularly a lie, but even after all this time, parties are still not your thing.

"Why?!" he whined, "It'll be fun!"

"Beomgyu." you sternly said, and you kept your hands to yourself when he started throwing a tantrum like a kid.

"Stop it!" you held him, panicked eyes roaming around in fear that people might judge you if they saw the scenario.

"No! I will not stop, not unless you come with me!"

"Fine!" you said, exasperated at his antics but you couldn't help but smile at his small cheer of triumph.

Come Saturday night and you already want to punch Beomgyu. He went with you to the party and introduced you to his other friends (Yeonjun the host of the party, Soobin, Taehyun and Kai), then left to get some drinks.

What made your blood boil is that it's been thirty minutes now and he's still not back.

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, heaving through the crowd and walking towards the veranda for a breather.

Finally, some fresh air.

"Didn't know that you come to parties now, Y/N. You've changed."

Fuck it. You'll recognize that voice anywhere.

You closed your eyes, 'Okay, calm down. Don't look at him. Don't talk to him.'

"Ignoring me? Is that the effect that Beomgyu has on you? Being rude?"

Your will crumbled at the mention of your friend's name, spinning around and throwing a harsh glare to the person who keeps on bothering you, "Please keep your nose away from my business," your eyes narrowed, venom in your voice as you prepared to say his name, "Jeonghan."

"Woah!" the man held his hands up in defense, "That's some way to greet me, princess." he smirked, loving the way you get riled up because of him.

"Don't call me that. If you're not leaving, then I will." you said with finality, walking away from him but then his hand gripped your arm tightly.

"No. You're not going anywhere." he moved too fast, and within a mere seconds he had you pinned on the wall, his face too close for comfort.

"Let me go!" you yelled, anxiety spiking up as your heart started beating fast, "Jeonghan! I said let go or else!"

"Or wha-"

A loud thud echoed, followed by a grunt and the next thing you knew is that Jeonghan is slumping by the floor, a menacing gaze directed towards your friend.

You sighed in relief, "Beomgyu!"

"I'm here now." he glanced at you with a soft look, "You're safe."

"You have a lot of courage doing that to me, kid." Jeonghan ridiculed Beomgyu, but the latter didn't budge. Though his next move surprised you, his arm wrapped itself around your waist as he held you close to him.

"I'd do anything for my girlfriend."

What? What is happening right now?

You suddenly met with your ex. Then he had you in a compromising position when no one was looking. And then.. Beomgyu.

He called you his girlfriend?

No. This can't be happening.

Your world was spinning and you think that if you stayed there longer, you might do something that you'll regret in the future. So you ran, disregarding Beomgyu's call for you.

"You seriously don't plan on sulking all week." your friend whom you met during a project last year, Ryujin, said on the other line as she tried to comfort you.

You groaned, tossing around your bed and replying to her tiredly, "Watch me."

You heard some shuffling in the background before she sighed, "You know what, lemme just go to you myself."

"Ryu! I am not in the mood for-!" the call ended before you could complete the sentence which made you groan once again. Ever the stubborn Ryujin, you supposed that you could use her company.

It has been a shitty week of avoiding Beomgyu, going as far as not attending your classes.

Beomgyu did his best to connect with you. Sending endless messages and calling you every now and then despite not answering. You did not have the heart to block him. He's still your friend, a precious someone that you don't want to lose but at the same time, you're still confused about everything.

You were pulled out of your daze when your doorbell rang. Willing yourself to get out of your bed and open it.

"Ryu, you didn't even let me get ready."

"No worries. I still think you're beautiful."

So this is what it feels like when your friend betrays you, huh? Ryujin probably told him to come here, she did a great job of setting this up.

You gulped, seeing the dilemma you're about to face in its physical form. You're tempted to shut the door but you were frozen at the spot.

When Beomgyu sees you standing still, he took this as an opportunity to explain himself, "I knew what happened to you and Jeonghan."

You grimaced at the mere mention of your ex's name, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude into your personal life. Just back then.. it was a huge issue, y'know?"

You nodded, staring at your feet like it's the most interesting thing in the world, not having any choice but to listen to him intently.

"I-I.. I'm sorry Y/N I know this is all too sudden but I really had the urge to protect you that night." he admits, balling his fists tightly, "I hated him, that man, what he did to you was fucked up."

"Beomgyu?" you finally glanced up at him, your heart wrenching at the sight of him looking so small.

It's now or never, you took a deep breath and asked him the dreaded question, "Why did you do that? Why do you feel like that?"

His answer was immediate, firm and his pretty brown orbs gazed at yours with determination, "I like you."

"Even if I'm like this?"

You did not need to elaborate further, he understood what you meant.

Even if you had a lot of baggage, even if you're not sure of yourself, even if you can't fully commit to him.

"Yes." Beomgyu walked towards you, engulfing you in his embrace, "I like you despite everything. I like you for who and what you are."

You closed your eyes, remembering what your grandparents used to tell you.

"They say that when it's really meant for you, it will naturally come to you."

You finally knew what that meant. Choi Beomgyu made you realize and feel what it really meant.

You may drive him insane, you might accidentally push him away and hurt him, but it's okay. As long as he can hold you like this, assure you that he'll always be there then all is well.

Loving you may be difficult, but he sure as hell made it look like it's easy.

[livlivlivliv]

could you do hawks x fem!reader, you just came home from work, prepare for dinner, few moments ago, hawks came to your apartment for dinner, you two were together in apartment when you asked him to be lived with you, you two simply helping and eating, washing the dishes together. they honestly love each other to help it out *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a good day)

you ask, you get <3

HOME ೃ⁀➷

Low heat, bubbling pots, meat ready and seasoned. The aroma of sauces and spices filled the entire kitchen. Outside the weather was cold, it had even been raining but by nightfall the only evidence left were the puddles that graced the city streets. Despite being exhausted after a long day at work, wanted to cook something hot and delicious to wait for Keigo. Some time ago you wanted to talk to him about a specific topic.

A few last fixes and spoonfuls brought to your mouth for "quality control" and the food was done. Plates and bowls were placed on the table, which was laden with your creations. Broth, noodles, vegetables, meat. Without a doubt, there is no better option than this for such a cold day. Humming a song while finished accommodating the cutlery, you heard the sliding door to the balcony open followed by a "I'm back".

Just a few seconds after his arrival you could already see him from the dining room, totally focused and guided by the aroma that the dinner gave off. "What is all this?" he asked smiling.

"You say that like i never cook" you put down the last glass and turned to face him.

"Yes but today it seems that you were inspired" he approached and took off his aviator glasses, letting them fall somewhere. He was right, usually when both of their schedules extend into the late hours of the night they limit themselves to ordering fast food.

You felt a kiss press on your forehead followed by a slight shiver. "You are so cold!" your hand traveled to his cheek to check his temperature and realize that he was indeed freezing.

"It's not one of my favorite activities to fly in this weather" looked at him compassionately.

"My poor boy" you lightly pinched his cheekbones which instantly turned a soft red "You're lucky this girl made you such an amazing dinner" said feigning superiority and making a dramatic gesture with your hand.

"You don't know how lucky I am"

The food had been delicious, not a trace of what had once been a table laden with steaming dishes. In the case of you two, didn't stop talking and laughing for a single minute, just like all the meals and moments you shared since even before you started dating. No one knows where but they both gathered strength and deigned to clean everything to wash it afterwards. Apparently they were very involved in the conversation since they almost always leave everything dirty and immediately collapse on the sofa or bed. The next day they will take care of it.

You finished reaching the last bowl to Keigo, who had been in charge of washing and you continued bothering around him. He was still in his hero outfit, only without his glasses or his jacket, you had always thought how attractive he looked without it on.

Next to him while he was washing up, you remembered the reason for dinner when he had mentioned that today he could not spend the night in your apartment since tomorrow he had some unfinished business at the agency first thing in the morning. He hated to say things like this to you after had a great time together.

"You know Kei, that's what I wanted to talk about" you started somewhat insecure.

"Tell me. Hey, why doesn't the grease come off this thing?" He said frustrated, very involved in the work, scraping the pan hard. You smiled.

"I'm more than satisfied with the time we spent together and I love receiving you here, it's practically your home too" you watched a smile form on his face and continued. "We've been dating for a while now" you kept rambling.

"And, I don't know, maybe we could... live together" you rubbed your arm shyly and pressed your lips together. "move" you finished.

You heard how the water stopped falling and you could feel his eyes looking to meet yours, you were ready to receive some negative response.

After a few seconds of silence, totally impatient, you looked up to see a smiling Keigo on the verge of tears. Your heart pounded. "Kei i-" His arms held you tightly against his chest and emotions took over you as well.

Without any intention of letting go, you returned the hug by rubbing part of his back as a comfort. You felt his nose sniff. "Sweetie? you are well?" a small laugh rumbled near your ear "Of course I would live with you."

Happiness and excitement ran through your veins, but what caught your attention the most was the opponent's reaction after finding that his voice was somewhat broken. You separated a bit and you could see that there were indeed at least two tears falling down his cheeks. His eyes sparkled.

Confused and with a shy smile, you delicately ran your fingers over the wet skin. "Kei, why are you crying?" you asked softly, his vulnerable state softening your chest and slightly crystallizing your eyes.

Keigo didn't know domesticity, didn't know the warmth of a home or the feeling of belonging. The taste of a home cooked meal and a hot stove was also unfamiliar, it sounded so foreign. Until he met you.

And for the first time he experienced what he and his inner child longed for, a home.

A home where receiving comforting hugs is something of every day, a home where there is someone who is always looking out for his well-being and does everything necessary to see him happy. A home that, despite the fact that it is snowing outside, remains warm, a home that gives off laughter and good times.

It's everything he ever dreamed of. Darkness and loneliness were no longer part of his life, not since he knew the warmth of the sun and how bright it can be. The past does not disappear, he always remembers where he came from but he prefers to turn and see where he is going. Maybe because he is an optimist.

If you wonder why he's crying, it's because for the first time he can say that has a home. And can not imagine another better than this.

luv u [masterlist]

[suosgirl]

Kicking my legs up like a school girl texting her crush while i read your kiryu selfship posts

Im honestly so baffled why they dont have more notes bc they are so pleasant to read nad you are so enthusiastic about them!!

Im currently reading through your blog and your characterization of Suo is so amazing like GIRL

But a person talking about their special interest?? Their cute lil blorbo and themself?? Like hit me tf uP

This is ann invitation for your selfship thoughts

Hit it like a BASEBALL do a HOMERUN WITH IT EVEN

Note: Omg why was I also kicking my legs up like a school girl while reading this? HAHA u are so incredibly sweet and ah your words mean so so much to me – ily and appreciate u so very very much ♡ (also so incredibly sorry abt how late this is ahhhh) It’s the way that I’ve been thinking about this religiously since I received it because – who am I? To deny a sweet sweet anon their request of my selfship thoughts? HAHA so, you get 2 for the price of one! Suo + Kiryu because I have many things to say!!

picrew link if you're interested!!!

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Kiryu

♡ Our couple songs? The Way by ariana grande feat. mac miller (specifically the live from london version) & NYC by romeo + juliet

♡ Kiryu and I would absolutely positively date to marry and have kids tbh

♡ We’d be the couple that never leaves the honeymoon stage

♡ And he would take such good care of me – like this guy is so great at communicating, so empathetic, so sweet, so kind

♡ and I feel like we’d both just want the best for each other and want to become better partners to each other as a result of that

♡ Like if I notice that Kiryu’s sleeping but didn’t get his login bonuses before the day ends, I’ll go in and do it for him

♡ Or if I accidentally fall asleep with my makeup on he’ll carefully use a makeup wipe to remove it or just gently wake me up so that I can wash my face

♡ Our habits definitely rub off on each other too like – 

♡ If he’s staying up to play games while I have to wake up early for work, then his mic is off and he’s not talking (though I'm a deep sleeper so he can absolutely talk like I don't mind) or he’s moving to another room so that I can get some sleep (even though I don't mind!!!)

♡ and if I notice his water run out while in the middle of a game, I’ll refill his water bottle without even asking him and grab him some snacks too in case he’s feeling munchie

♡ and I’d never feel insecure around him, because he’d give me words of affirmation and praise like every minute of every day!

♡ but if I do fall into that headspace, he’s sitting me in his lap while he talks about everything that he loves about me!!!

♡ and it’s not just affirmations like “you’re pretty” (though I do enjoy those) – no, he’s saying things like “you have the kindest heart I’ve ever met” or “you manage to think about something that you can do for me at least once everyday and I’m always in awe of how thoughtful you are” (lmao what I would give to hear this tbfh)

♡ also, he definitely loves giving my butt love taps whenever he passes me like it becomes so secondhand nature that sometimes he accidentally does it in public and I have to shoo his hand away

♡ he also! loves! having! a baddie gf!!!!

♡ it’s so funny bc I’ve been told that I look v intimidating so I can only imagine that we give off black cat and golden retriever vibes BUT THEN you talk to us and we’re both just big ol puppies!

♡ also always has a hand on my hip UGH

♡ sometimes he’ll squeeze the soft fat there and i’ll give him the look and he’s whisking me away so we can makeout

♡ also he's definitely weak whenever I say please or give him my doe eyes like I know that man is CRUMBLING he can never say no to me

♡ ugh and since he gets all his clothes oversized, that means that I’m positively swimming in them

♡ when we start living together, he falls in love with me all over again bc I'm wearing his sweaters and they hang off my shoulders just right, and I’ve got my big glasses on with no makeup and my hair in a messy bun and he’s fucking smitten

♡ but also he gets hurt bc he’ll see how poor my work life balance is and how much I overwork myself and he’ll scold me or force me to take breaks and even though I'm irritated as shit, I still recognize that he’s coming from a place of love

♡ we go on so many dates! To the flea market! To cafes! To bakeries! To the aquarium! To get matching tattoos! To get piercings!

♡ and sometimes I'll watch him play his little games! and explain everything to me! and I listen because I care! and I love him!

♡ Definitely has a pink PC with a Polaroid photo of me in it (and let's be so real here it's either a cute wholesome candid one of me OR it’s a lingerie pic)

♡ Sometimes when we both don’t wanna do a chore (i.e. dishes, taking out the trash, little mundane boring tasks like that) we’ll do a typing contest and whoever’s faster wins

♡ Very hit and miss sometimes – if I have my long nails then he’s fucking wiping the competition with me, but if i’ve had my iced coffee then i’m leaving him in the fucking dust

♡ loves how creative I am! He supports my ideas and endeavors and lets me ramble as much as I want! And the whole time he’s just looking at me with eyes full of love and admiration

♡ also, his affirmations definitely make me cry. He knows how emotional I can get and he just softly wipes my tears away as he drowns me in his love and worship ugh we’d be so so in love it would be sickening

♡ I’ve always felt that Leo’s love with all of their heart, genuinely, and I can absolutely picture Kiryu and I just being so obsessed with each other (in a healthy way!)

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Suo

♡ Suo and I are enemies to lovers – absofuckinglutely

♡ Our couple songs: reciprocity by susan carol (this fking song!!! and this is early in our relationship before he even asks me to be his gf!!!!) & built for love by pj morton feat. jazmine sullivan (when we actually start dating hehe)

♡ bonus songs: wetter by twista ft. erika shevon and hey daddy (daddy’s home) by usher (mwahahahaa)

♡ first and fucking foremost, this man is an Aries and I'm a Leo – but since we're both fire signs I feel like our feelings are always on the extremes 

♡ like we’re either extremely in love with each other or extremely mad at each other (though he's so good at hiding it - I, on the other hand, am not)

♡ okay so – the first time I meet Suo, I immediately have a big ass crush on him like he’s everything and more and he’s so sweet and hot and I am just a bit weak in my knees

♡ but then, I find out that he’s this sweet and nice with everyone else and I’m like??? Okay. I’m going to keep myself from liking you then because I don’t want to read too much into it.

♡ but I’m as much of a flirt as he is so we’re building up this fucking tension that everyone can see but neither of us makes a move to go further

♡ because we can’t tell if we’re serious about our flirting or not HAHA

♡ I know deep in my soul that our banter goes crazy too

♡ like we’re using such proper english just trying to get jabs at each other

♡ “Suo, that wasn’t really funny” “Maybe not to someone of your caliber.” “Oh sorry! I just don't have the humor of a Neanderthal, oops!”

♡ and I feel like he’d disagree with me on certain topics on purpose just to piss me off

♡ “sorry, I couldn’t help it – you’re so cute when you’re mad”

�� “Suo, stop fucking talking to me.”

♡ I’m so stupidly expressive too, so I know he’s leaving little touches here and there or whispering in my ear or complimenting me out of nowhere and it’s making me so so weak

♡ but in between all of that, he’s also seeing me for who I am, my morals, my work ethic, my personality, my dorky side, and he’s falling for me so deeply but doesn’t know how to address it because oh no this isn’t a game anymore I actually really like her

♡  I fell first, he fell HARDER!!

♡ so our feelings for each other are so slowburn bc we’re both just idiots who are interested in each other but we both are so prideful (and scared of rejection) so like it just takes forever for one of us to confess

♡ I feel like it would probably be me too because I’d be so over this cat-and-mouse game – like okay I like you, do you feel the same way or are you just fucking with me

♡ but the minute that I say this? and admit it?

♡ it's like a string snaps and we are definitely definitely taking out our anger on each other in ways that I simply cannot say here

♡ but just like our signs, it's hot and passionate and fueled by such deep affection and love and loathing for each other oof

♡ when we actually start dating tho? He is a lovesick puppy for me, I make sure of it

♡ like I know he’d want to be in control and everything but I simply cannot allow that so yeah good luck with that babe

♡ because I’m arguing every chance I get 

♡ “let’s go, pretty boy. You wanna tussle?”

♡ but yes I feel like our relationship is so fiercely loyal and attracted to each other we are just so so good together and we'd actually never break up like we'd get married and have kids and grow old together and -

♡ and my parents would LOVE HIM ugh.

♡ I need him so bad you don't understand I'm frothing at the mouth punching the walls manifesting his presence so bad

[anaisbebe]

365 Writing Challenge: Day 1

Based off of this post by @honeybewrites! I wanted to hop on board. This writing will be as new as it can get, so... Keep that in mind.

Rules: Write/draw something every day for a year.

Lets see how far I can get LOL!

CW: mentions of abuse

“I like you, Erebos, but you have to understand,” Tartarus said, “My main commitment is to Chaos and my daughter.” He let the phone ring.

“I don’t believe that.” Erebos declined the call. “Chaos may be the love of your life, but there is something here. Between us. If you were telling the truth, the absolute truth, I wouldn’t be here.”

Tartarus knew he was right. Erebos provided a bond that Chaos couldn’t- a special kind of care. He stumbled over his words.

“It’s complicated.”

“I know that. I have a question, dear.” Erebos’s words were soft and kind. Instead of the anger and hot-hotheadedness he faced with Chaos, he was met with understanding. “Do you love me?”

Erebos never asked that question, but it burned in his mind. He wanted Tartarus to love him- he needed Tartarus to love him- all for his self-esteem.

“I…” A minute flew by. “I do. I love you.” He couldn’t lie. Erebos stopped. He felt a warmth rush through his body. He never heard those words before. In the billions of years Erebos walked the realms, nobody had loved him. Due to the controlling verbal, emotional- and occasionally physical- abuse Gaia put him through, he wasn’t accustomed to this feeling. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t let his guard down. “Erebos?” He then realized how long it’d been since he’d spoken. He ran his hand through Tartarus’s beach blonde hair.

“But I’ll never be as important as Chaos, will I?” Erebos asked.

“It’s not a matter of importance. I want both of you,” Tartarus said, “You’re new to me. I’ve known Chaos for over 100 years!”

Erebos nodded. Before he could even take a breath, Tartarus said, “But that doesn’t mean you should be insecure. You mean a lot to me, Erebos. I love you.” His voice was breathy yet soft.

“I’m not insecure.” Erebos crossed his arms tightly. He looked straight at the rough carpeted floor. A rush of satisfaction washed over him. He listened to the praise in the words, ignoring their meaning. To him, it was a balm to his fractured ego. He closed his eyes.

“Do you love me, Erebos?” Tartarus looked up, his hands gripping Erebos’s shirt.

“What?” It was a question he’d never been asked. He didn’t know how to answer. The truth was, Erebos didn’t know what it meant to love. He couldn’t know what it meant to love. He was unable. “Listen… Love is a complicated thing. It’s not something I’ve ever been good at… But I know I need you, babe.” He shrugged.

“But do you love me?”

“I… I need you.” Erebos cringed at Tartarus’s expression.

“That’s not the same.”

“Love is just a word, Tartarus. What matters is that I want you here with me.” While he didn’t realize it, Erebos couldn’t love Tartarus- not now, and not ever. He was conditioned to view love as power and control. He knew what the word meant- but he didn’t at the same time.

“I want to be loved by you. Not just needed.”

Irritation flickered in Erebos’s eyes as he said, “I don’t see the difference.” Being raised in a realm built on abuse ruined Erebos’s psyche. His inability to love wasn’t a coping mechanism or a choice. It was wired inside of him.

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