#i was like 11 when he made us watch some exorcism shit and made us believe in demons and i had to sleep next to my mom for like half a year

[skipp3r]

I wish the catholic church wasnt a piece of shit liar bitch

[smutkuna]

Paralyzed in Lust | Sukuna x F-Reader

Part 1

Urban legends always seemed to intrigue you, but that’s all they were. Just legends. You’ve seen enough horror movies to know that practicing those rituals never ended well. Your college friends seemed to have the opposite idea, however.

 They loved to go to abandoned areas and attempt some of the rituals posted online. Safely, of course, but how safe is it? They talked about salt circles, protection wards, sigils, and protection amulets or crystals but is that enough?

 They would mention that attempting to summon a demon is dangerous, but here they are in your studio apartment, talking about calling forth a demon from an urban legend that seemed to pop out of nowhere.

 The urban legend about Ryomen Sukuna, a four-armed demon that no one could seem to invite. You didn’t understand why anyone would want to summon a demon, but you guess curiosity killed that cat.

 You sat on your twin-sized bed lined up against the wall while your friends sat on a two-seater bench situated in front of your bed, underneath the long window. Your studio apartment held all the essentials for a financially struggling college student.

 Entering the apartment, you would be met with a small hallway. On your immediate left is the door to the bathroom, while on your immediate right is a small storage space. Farther in, you’re met with the small space for your bed on the left with a walk-in closet that shares the wall with the bathroom.

 Facing the entrance is the bench underneath a horizontal window with a view of the busy street, covered by some window shutters to give you some privacy. These shutters were currently open, letting in the remaining light from the sunset, but were slightly blocked by your friends.

 To the right of the hallway entrance behind the storage, is your kitchen. It had enough space to fit a bit of counter space, fridge, sink, and dishwasher. Adjacent to your kitchen, across your bed, and near the bench was an L-shaped divider hiding a portable washer and dryer.

 “[Y/n]!” your friend, Nobara, exclaimed. “Will you finally join us for this ritual? I know you’re not really into these things, but it’s safe, I swear. We even have our protection spells and everything.”

 You hummed in apprehension. “I’m not sure I’m ready to do those yet.”

 Megumi, your other friend, nodded his head. “Okay, but just let us know whenever you want to join us or if you end up doing it on your own...” he grabbed some of Nobara’s amulets and his salt bags. “Here, I’ll lend some to you in case you change your mind.”

 He placed the items in your bag.

 “Thank you. When are you both planning on doing the ritual?” you asked them.

 “Ah, maybe tonight? We have nothing else planned, and we’ve been itching to try this ritual out ever since we saw it on a forum.” Nobara replied. She pulled out her phone and scrolled for a while before handing it to you. “Everyone’s been talking about it, but no one’s been able to pull it off.”

 Megumi then spoke. “Yeah and no one’s sure about where this urban legend came from anyway so we don’t know if it’s real or not. That’s why we want to see for ourselves.”

 You took a peek at Nobara’s phone and read parts of the forum out loud.

 “Ryomen Sukuna... Four-armed demon… To begin the ritual, cut the pads of all your fingers until blood oozes out. Bro what?” You looked at your friends in confusion. They simply shrugged and told you to continue reading.

 “Soak your bloody fingers in a large bowl of water until the water is stained dark red. Remove your hands from the bowl and do this hand sign by connecting your thumb, middle, and ring finger pads while your index and pinky fingers are bent towards your palms. What in the summoning-jutsu is this?”

 You attempted the hand signs after you had placed her phone on your bed. Megumi lightly laughed and showed you how to do it properly.

 “Girl, you watch too much Naruto.” Nobara snickered.

 You rolled your eyes and smirked. “I’m not the only one simping over Kakashi and Itachi. You’re just as guilty.”

 “Here [y/n], continue reading the rules.’ Megumi said, handing you the phone.

 “Say ‘Domain Expansion: Malevolent Shrine’ after performing the hand sign and dunk your face into the bowl of water and blood. After this, Sukuna will appear. To properly end the ritual, thank him for his time and say ‘Cleave.’ This is critical. Failure to do so will leave you with cursed energy around you. **For extra protection, perform an exorcism.”

 You sighed after reading the rules of the forum. It seemed easy enough but you weren’t sure whether it was worth the risk to have cursed energy if it failed and did you need to perform an exorcism?? Wasn’t that a bit too much? Plus, you wanted all the luck you could get since you just applied for an internship for the fall quarter.

 “Well, if you both decide to do this, please be safe,” you told your friends.

 Nobara smiled and grabbed her small backpack. “Don’t worry, we’ll text you what happens. We were thinking of recording it anyway, so we’ll send that to you later tonight after we try it.”

 She hugged you and started walking to the door followed by Megumi.

 “You can keep the rest of the pizza. It’s not easy for me to digest,” he said, as he double-checked to make sure you had the amulets and salt bags. You smiled at him, eyes showing appreciation because you had very little food left in your fridge.

 “Thank you, Megumi. Good night, you two. I’ll see you both tomorrow after work.” you said, waving to them as they left your apartment complex. Once they were out of your sight, you closed and locked your entrance door.

 You grabbed your laptop and made your way toward the kitchen, putting it on top of the small counter space you had. You sighed as you put away the leftover pizza in the fridge. Being an avid horror fan, you enjoyed the paranormal, but partaking in anything of the sort in real life made you nervous.

 The urban legend of Sukuna intrigued you, even if the ritual was slightly strange. Wouldn’t you faint from losing so much blood? Plus, who the fuck is Sukuna anyway? What made him so special for people to want to do this sort of thing?

 Facepalming, you opened a web browser on your laptop and did a simple search. Who is Ryomen Sukuna?

 You scrolled through countless forums, talking about the ritual and how it didn’t work. No one seemed to be able to conjure Ryomen Sukuna. The problem was that no one knew who he was. Only that he was a strong demonic entity that holds a lot of cursed energy and has two faces and two sets of arms.

 Two sets, huh? What, does he have two dicks too? You laughed to yourself, but then rolled your eyes and groaned. You needed to get laid.

 Further throughout your research, you decided to take a break and looked over to the clock on the wall above your washer and dryer. It was 11:56 PM, indicating that your friends left three hours ago.

 You took a glance at your phone that was charging next to your laptop and noticed that Megumi and Nobara had sent an attachment to your group chat. Unplugging your phone from the charger, you unlocked it and strode over to the bathroom.

 Your group chat read:

 “Hey [y/n], we finished the ritual but nothing happened. Bummer, I was looking forward to summoning one of the most difficult demons to conjure up.” Nobara sent at midnight.

 “Oi, here’s the video,” Megumi replied, with a black screen video attached after his message.

 Oh wow, they actually recorded it. You thought, adding some toothpaste to your toothbrush. You pressed on the video and let it play while you brushed your teeth.

 You watched as both your friends performed the finger-bleeding step and you couldn’t help but gag a little. That’s a shit ton of blood. It took a while considering each of their fingers had a small cut, and the bowls were large. After a couple of minutes, Megumi and Nobara removed their hands from the bowl and performed the hand sign.

 “Domain Expansion: Malevolent Shrine.” You heard them chant once and then watched them dunk their head into the bloody water as you spit out your toothpaste and rinse your mouth.

Standing in front of the mirror and sink, you stared at the video, watching your friends and waiting for something to happen.

 In the video, you saw Nobara and Megumi look at each other and shrug. You fast-forwarded the video a bit, looking for any sign that the ritual worked but the video ended with them thanking Sukuna and saying “Cleave” before anything appeared.

 Exiting out of the video, you sent a response to the group chat.

 “I’m sorry nothing happened, guys. I know you were excited for something to happen.”

 “It’ll make us feel better if you tried it yourself hehe” Nobara replied with a smirk emoji.

 You stared at her message for a while, contemplating what you should do. Preparing for your night routine, you stripped and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water run down your back, massaging your aching muscles.

 You had a long day at work, and now you were stuck on whether you should do this ritual or not. Nothing has been happening to anyone anyway, so most likely nothing will happen to you. This ritual was probably a hoax, just a trend since people were bored. Right?

 Please conscience, what do I do? AH FUCK IT.

 After you had finished your shower, you hastily applied your lotions and pajamas which consisted of a tank top and lace underwear. You grabbed your phone from the bathroom and reread the forum on what to do, sending another reply to Nobara saying that you’ll do the ritual.

 You grabbed the essential items you needed: salt, amulet, a large basin of water, and a pocket knife. You released a large breath you seemed to be holding and read the text you just received from the group chat.

 “AYE, that’s my girl!!” Nobara sent with a grinning gif.

 “Be safe [y/n]. Text us if anything happens and don’t forget to use the salt and amulets.” Megumi responded.

 “I’ll record myself and send it to both of you once I finish” 

 You balanced your phone on the foot of your bed, pressed record, and placed the ritual items on the floor beside you, grabbing the amulet first and placing the tie around your neck. 

 Please protect me. You thought as you gripped the amulet and placed some salt in a circle, trapping yourself within it. 

 You steadied your breathing and positioned the bowl in front of you. 

 All right. Let’s get this over with.

 Slicing the pads of your fingertips with the pocket knife, you held your fingers over the large basin, watching the blood drip into the water. 

 God, I should’ve played some music in the background. The silence is killing me. I swear to God if that fucking Tip Toe Through the Meadow song from Insidious plays on a radio, I’m going to burn this building down.

 The water rippled as each blood drop collided with it. Your nerves were on high alert, but you were too scared to glance around your room. What if there was a shadow at your doorway or a ghost in the mirror? WHAT IF it was right behind you?!

 You cried internally and tried to rid your thoughts of anything horrific. After what seemed to be forever, waiting in agony, the bowl was painted crimson. You released another breath and tried to remember the next step of the ritual.

 Ah right, the jutsu sign.

 You formed the hand sign and said out loud, “DOMAIN EXPANSION: MALEVOLENT SHRINE.” 

 Cringing, you dipped your head into the bowl and stayed there until you needed a gulp of air. 

 This is disgusting, why am I doing this again?

 Your face was tinted with blood and you carefully looked around your room without the blood dripping onto your laminated floors. Your hearing was heightened due to the lack of light in the room, but you heard nothing. You felt nothing. 

 It probably didn’t work. Thank you, God. I can live to see another day.

 “Ryomen Sukuna, if you’re there, thank you for your time. Let’s not do this again, please and thank youuu.” you sang. “CLEAVE.”

 You grabbed your phone from the footrest of your bed, ended the recording, and texted the group chat.

 “I just finished. Nothing happened to me either. I guess it is just a hoax.”

 “Damn. What if we did something wrong? Let’s try it again.” Nobara said.

 “My face has my blood dripping from it, no thank you.” 

 “You said ‘Cleave,’ right [y/n]?” Megumi questioned.

 “Yup. I’m gonna go clean up and try to sleep. I’ll see you both tomorrow. Good night!” 

 Bidding each other good night, you swept the salt circle and drained the bloody water into the bathroom sink. You rinsed your face of any remnants of the ritual and reapplied your moisturizer. 

 Plopping onto your bed and hiding under the covers, you glanced once more at the clock. It read 2 AM. 

 Damn, I have class in 6 hours. Note to self: stop registering for 8 AM classes in case you decide to do rituals late into the night.

 You closed your eyes and attempted to sleep, but you couldn’t stop tossing and turning. Something didn’t feel right. You felt suffocated like something was watching you. You were too scared to open your eyes and hid further into your covers.

 Sure, [y/n]. They’ll never know I’m under here.

 You kept tossing and turning for thirty minutes because you just couldn’t find that comfortable spot. Suddenly, you felt a sensation on your limbs. 

 What the fuck?

 You froze. You felt like each of your limbs were grabbed by one… two… FOUR HANDS?! You didn’t want to believe it. You couldn’t believe it. No fucking way the ritual worked. Counting to three, you screamed and punched into the air. 

 Nothing was there. No one was there. You were alone.

Part 2: https://smutkuna.tumblr.com/post/655579886704017408/paralyzed-in-lust-sukuna-x-f-reader

[eldritchsurveys]

1056.

5k Survey LXXVIII

4001. How would you rate your sex drive? >> I wouldn’t “rate” it? I don’t keep tabs on it or anything, it comes and goes at will. 4002. You are sitting alone with a stack of videos and a vcr. Of the following which are you most likely to puut on (1 is most, 10 is least) The good the bad and the ugly, - 5 dracula, - 2 slc punk, - 6 twin peaks fire walk with me, - 1 jerry springer too hot for tv, - definitely not in the running singing in the rain, - 7 flash gordon, - not in the running the matrix, - 4 blade runner, - 3 the muppet movie - not in the running 4003. Are you more likely to get or send random instant messages? >> Neither? 4004. If you were writing an ad telling people to come to your town what would you say about it? >> You lost me at “if you were writing an ad”. 4005. What part of your body can you not stand to get an itch on? >> Any part I can’t easily scratch, of course.

4006. How many people do you suppose have stolen that System of a Down album called 'steal this album'? >> I don’t know. 4007. Name a band you like: What are/were this band's roots and influences? >> I don’t know the roots and influences of bands. 4008. would you rather have a poster of john lennon or a cute fuzzy black cat? >> I’m not interested in either of these posters. I’d rather have a bare wall. 4009. make a public service announcement: >> No. 4010. What makes you feel the need to escape? >> My own brain. 4011. You and your signifigant other, crush, interest etc...who is the ernie and who is the bert? >> --- 4012. When was the last time you did something and later asked yourself 'did I do the right thing?'? >> I don’t remember. 4013. What do you find it hard to say goodbye to? >> Er... 4014. What is your fantasy valentine's day like? >> I don’t have a fantasy for Valentine’s Day. 4015. If you had to have a color for a name, what color would it be? >> --- 4016. Should preference be given to minority students during the college admission process? >> You know, I’ve read a lot of arguments for and against affirmative action over the years, and while I see where multiple sides are coming from, I think that the most important thing to me would be people of all backgrounds being given opportunity. And since this country has proven time and time again that when left to its own devices, it will let systems of privilege and oppression stand without contest, there needs to be a check-and-balance system in place. Which, in this case, would be affirmative action. It’s awkward and has its own ramifications, but it provides opportunity where there was none (or hardly any) before, and I think it opens the door for further discussions and adaptations.

4017. Sweet wine, fresh crisp appples, bagles with creme cheese and lox...what is the most incredibly luxurious food? >> I’m not sure. 4018. Is there really anything to fear in communism? >> ???? 4019. Best sesame street character: most annoying sesame street character: >> --- 4020. feast or famine? >> Wh... I mean, which one do you think I’d choose??? 4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less: >> No. 4022. Do you stay and help clean up after a party? >> At someone else’s place? No. 4023. Why was the teddy bear named after teddy roosevelt? >> As far as I’m aware, it’s because some guy saw the bears at a World’s Fair or something and bought a bunch of them to use as promotions for Roosevelt’s campaign. If I’m wrong, there’s always your friendly neighbourhood search engine to clear it up for you. 4024. What are you the prince or princess of? >> I am the Red Prince, inheritor of the Tower and doom of the White! Thank you for asking. 4025. Some people think that Christmas should be taken off of public school calanders because it is politically incorrect. What aould you say to this? >> I don’t know what that means, so I would have to ask for clarification about Christmas’ political incorrectness. Personally, I think more holidays should be added, for students of different cultures and religions, and some of the “American civic religion” type holidays like Presidents’ Day and shit should probably be removed. That’d balance it out. 4026. Would you rather go to an exorcism or a step aerobics class? >> First of all, those are completely different events, so it’d depend on what kind of experience I was looking to have. And whether I felt like exercising. Which I usually do not. 4027. Do you believe in spells and curses? >> Do I think that spells and curses work? Sure, somehow. I mean, people do them for a reason... 4028. What tv show does your family watch together? >> --- 4029. What's on your calander this year? >> Dates? 4030. Is anything ruining your life? What? >> No. 4031. How was life meant to be lived? >> --- 4032. What is your usual breakfast? >> A Morningstar veggie burger and chips. 4033. If you had kids, would you worry about what they did online? >> Of course I’d worry. 4034. Will you be maxin and relaxin this weekend? If not, what are your weekend plans? >> It’s Monday, man, I have no idea what’s going to happen next weekend aside from the usual. 4035. Who has the most interesting story to tell: someone who used to fly to asia as a drug trader the ceo of Nike a nyc homeless person a preacher's wife >> I was a homeless person in NYC and I think my stories are plenty interesting. Regardless, I think most (if not all) people have interesting stories to tell, if one is willing to listen. 4036. What do you have a bad feeling about? >> I am not having a bad feeling at this very moment so I would like to keep it that way. 4037. Do you have a lot to say? >> I don’t know. Do I? 4038. If a smallpox vaccine was offered to you, would you take it? >> ??? Don’t we get those as children? I’m confused. 4039. Would you ever work at a kissing booth? how about a dunking booth? >> No. 4040. There is a woman who paints by stripping naked, rolling around in paint and then pressing her body against the canvas. What do you think of her art? >> That’s pretty neat. 4041. Have you ever bought something you saw on tv? >> Like, on an infomercial? No. 4042. Name a relative: that relative dies unexpectedly. On the same day 9/11 happens. You can either bring back your relative or bring back 1/2 the people who dies on 9/11. What do you do? >> --- 4043. Have you gone mental? >> Frequently. 4044. What do you think of jews for jesus? >> I’m not sure what to think, since according to some reports they’re not even Jews, but Christians masquerading as such in order to convert Jews (or undermine the “official” Jewish stance on Christ being a cool dude but not the Messiah). Which is pretty messed up, in my opinion. But if a Jewish person interprets their holy texts in such a way that they wish to adopt Christ as the Messiah, then I’d imagine that’s their business. 4045. Has anyone ever tried to 'save' you? >> Evangelical Christian style? Yeah, plenty of times. Fortunately, I seem to be immune to that particular sort of manipulation. 4046. Quick! picture santa clause in your head... Was he black or white when you pictured him? >> White. All Santa is good Santa and of course as a Black person I’m definitely interested in Black Santa, but almost all of my visual references up until now have been white. 4047. Would you ever buy a black santa clause? >> I mean, duh??? Also, we have a Black angel for our Christmas tree; they’d go together perfectly. 4048. or take your kids to vist a black santa clause? why or why not? >> --- 4049. What do you smell like? >> Right now, I smell like jojoba and lavender and opium oil (and tea tree oil, on my head) because I just showered and moisturised. It’s very nice. 4050. What kind of soup do you eat? >> I don’t usually go for soup. But last night I had chicken and wild rice soup because Sparrow made it for her meal prep this week, and it was pretty damn good.

[tokumusume]

tokumusume’s list of best and worst movies and dramas watched in 2019:

There’s a new category this year. Inspired by kpopalypse, welcome the Honorable Mentions! Movies that weren’t exactly bad but also weren’t good. Movies and dramas are qualified to enter if I watched them for the first time this year, not that they were released this year. Click on ‘keep reading’~~

Best Movies:

1.      Parasite

Another masterpiece from the director of Snowpiercer (let’s pretend Okja never existed). A poor family con their way to a rich household. Choi Woo-Shik from The Witch (see below) is the eldest son and mastermind, fabulous as always. Definitely the best movie of this year. For me, movie of the decade.

2.      The Witch Part 1 The Subversion

This movie is amazing, hard to describe without spoilers. A perfect mix of Stranger Things and Hanna. Choi Woo-Shik can come to my house and kick my ass anytime. I can’t wait for part two.

3.      Death Trance

Visually stunning, kinda like Amemiya Keita’s style in early Garo or Mad Max. I wish the movie was longer and the characters were better fleshed out, Ryuen the monk and the little girl had so much potential... The most interesting thing about this movie is how sexualized the main male character is compared to the female ones, and apparently, the swords were designed to look like veiny penises (can’t find a source for this info), and yes, they do look like veiny penises. The final showdown is heavy with sexual energy. Have I already said that Ryuen deserved better? #RyuenRights

4.      Gintama 2: Rules are made to be broken

The barber shop scene is a fucking cinematic masterpiece. I never laughed so much like I did with this movie. The way it doesn’t take itself seriously, the meta jokes, everything is perfect. Even better than the first one.

5.      Kingdom

While I think that some fight scenes were way too long (like the bamboo forest one), the dynamics between Shin and Hyou/Eisei were highly entertaining, at least in my shipper eyes. I like that (SPOILER) the King of the Mountain People is a woman and not once they try to call her Queen. She is a King. Hashimoto Kanna is adorable as a Ten, Kanata Hongo does a great job as Eisei’s psycho brother, Sakaguchi Tak waves his sword around, the usual stuff but with added layers of dirt and sweat.

6.      Bravestorm

A movie I lovingly call “Japanese Pacific Rim”. Full of Kamen Rider stars (Hino Eiji! Misuzawa Haruka! That girl from Heisei Generations, the one with a sword! She has a sword in this as well!) and giant robots (god, I love giant robots!), I waited so much for this movie and it exceeded my expectations. I just wish I could’ve watched in theaters, it had a limited showing in my country.

7.      Twelve Suicidal Children

What begins as a murder mystery ends with a twist you won’t see coming. All of the actors are amazing, but special mention to Sugisaki Hana and that guy from that one boy group I forgot the name but can’t be bothered to Google.

8.      Gakkou Gurashi

Four girls and their teacher try to survive the zombie apocalypse trapped inside the school. This one destroyed me for days.

9.      Forest of Love

I’ve watched some Sono Sion movies but nothing prepared me for this. Be aware of extremely gory sequences and sensitive topics. Hinami Kyoko is so amazing as blue-haired, punk girl crush Taeko that I totally didn’t notice she was AkibaBlue in Akibaranger.

10.  The Host

After watching Parasite I decided to go on a Bong Joon Ho binge and watched this horror movie. Not as good as Snowpiercer and Parasite in my opinion but heart-wrenching nevertheless. The little girl is the star of the movie.

11.  The Hungry Lion

A story about the dangers of social media and slut-shaming. I want to punch Mizuishi Atom in the face.

12.  Cromartie High

A little absurd comedy about yakuza-style high school boys (played by middle-aged men lol) forming a club to battle aliens summoned by themselves just because. It made me laugh like a child. A hidden gem.

Honorable Mentions:

1.      River’s Edge

Depressing as fuck. Warning: the cats die. It’s not graphic but it’s traumatizing. Yoshizawa Ryo is a gay boy who sleeps with old men for money. There’s a graphic sex scene (not Yoshizawa, sadly) where my only thought was “That thing is gonna get stuck in there! Use a condom!” Can’t remember much from it except for these three scenes.

2.      The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Yamazaki Kento has the acting chops of a dead fish but it comes handy for playing a teen with psychic abilities and zero social skills. Hashimoto Kanna is one of the prettiest girls in Japan. Yoshizawa Ryo with white and blueish hair looks more like Sakata Gintoki than Oguri Shun in the Gintama live action. The end is a huge let down but the fun ride is worth it.

3.      Ano ko no, Toriko

Congratulations to Yoshizawa Ryo, he has FIVE movies in my list of favorite movies this year! This is to make up for crowning GIVER as the biggest waste of time of 2018, this list is totally not biased, lol. “Ano ko” could be just another romance movie but the (very) little insight into how the entertainment industry works and not focusing on school life made me love it. Poor Sugino Yosuke being left behind again, when will this boy get the main girl?

4.      Monstrum

It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it’s pleasant enough to fill a rainy afternoon with a lot of blood and spilled guts. Hyeri of Girl’s Day is the heroine and Choi Woo Shik is the commander she falls in love with.

5.      Weirdo Go

I confess I watched this one just to see Ji Li (aka my snake son Nie Huaisang) dressed as a woman but it was enjoyable and not that problematic.

6.      Real - Kanzen Naru Kubinagaryu no Hi

Directed by the same guy that did “Creepy” and “Before we vanish”, there are lots of twists you won’t see coming. And a dinosaur. A fucking dinosaur.

7.      Tomodachi Game: The Final

The movie loses its focus halfway through then picks up again minutes before ending. Yoshizawa Ryo delivers again as the sadistic Yuuichi, much like his role in Gintama. The plot twists are the star of the movie.

8.     The Living Dead

Sorry Wen Ning. I saw the plot twist coming in the first 30 minutes of the movie, not very smart of the writer. His personality did a 180° turn for worse and I’ll demote the movie to an honorable mention for it. Gao Han is cute though, I would like to see him as a better character.

9.      Backstreet Girls

Some recycled scenes from the drama to situate the viewers, a completely new story for the movie, it is certainly funny and enjoyable, if you can get past the forced gender reassignment surgery background and transphobic jokes (you shouldn’t get past it btw). I like the soundtrack.

Best Dramas:

1.      The Untamed

Do I need to say more?

2.      The Tale of Nokdu

This Korean romance had everything to be a mess but it wasn’t!!! *claps* I don’t hate the main female character and the whole palace politics actually kept me interested until the end. The complete shift of atmosphere mid-season was strange at first but ultimately very welcomed.

3.      The Naked Director

Netflix original Japanese content is amazing. This one is a look at the life of a legendary porn director in the late 80s, I learned a lot about the history of Japanese porn and censorship (yay pixels!) and went looking for his, erm, works. Very graphic, 69/10 don’t recommend watching with people in the house.

4.      Channel wa Sonomama!

I don’t remember it well but it’s about a news station and what is like to be a journalist and it was very interesting and funny.

5.      SCAMS

Forgettable. Sugino Yosuke with black hair cons old people via phone calls.

Worst Movies and Dramas:

1.      The cat in their arms

The cats spend 90% of the movie in human forms, and halfway through it they simply abandon the cats’ plot to show a fucking long montage of a weird guy painting a picture of a nude girl. It’s also super creepy to see a grown-up man acting like a cat, getting belly rubs and eating cat food from a bowl. Yoshizawa needs to choose his roles more wisely.

2.      Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

A waste of Suda Masaki’s talent. Can Japan stop casting Tsuchiya Tao already?

3.      Samurai Marathon

Almost two hours of dirty men running through a forest. Maybe Japanese History experts will enjoy it, because I certainly didn’t.

4.      Lady Vengeance

While there are legit great moments, I didn’t find this “classic” to be anything special. The animal cruelty was too much for me.

5.      Hot Gimmick

This movie makes Bohemian Rhapsody’s editing look like a work of art. There are more flashing cuts than a T-ARA music video. I have no idea who likes who, who’s banging who, what even are they saying. Too much poetic shit for my like. I wanted to see Shimizu Hiroya naked. I was bamboozled.

6.      The Divine Fury

While some parts were interesting, at the end I still don’t know if the protagonist is possessed by a demon (if yes, then why would he help a priest destroy his friends?) or if he was blessed by God when his father died and talked to him (the glowing hand thing, why and how??). The exorcism parts are really, really scary, or maybe I’m just a chicken, but I had to avert my eyes. The best (only) part is that the protagonists are hot. Hello Woo Do-Hwan, you can sacrifice me to Satan any time…

[rocky-alex]

A Hunter’s Life For Me

Word count: 2507

Warnings: Traumatised character, slight paranoia

Pairings: OFC(Jules) x Dean, Reader x Sam

A Hunter’s Life Masterlist

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Chapter 7: Don’t you say, don’t you say it

Jules POV

A whole fucking week in that motel room, and I was going crazy. I barely had the guts to leave, even to get food and something new to wear. Stepping outside the door, over the salt line, I felt so exposed, like everyone was watching me, even people I couldn’t see. I couldn’t sleep, instead I stayed up pacing the room, lying restless on the bed or looking out the window. Figuring out what to do next was easier said than done when all kinds of questions were floating around in my head.

What had Crowley meant when he said he’d thought I’d get out of there faster? Why had the demons kidnapped me? What did they want? Did it have something to do with what I’d ended up doing to Crowley? And why hadn’t Sam and Dean found me?

I was pacing the room, again, pulling at my hair, ignoring the food I’d bought and put on the table five hours ago, when there was a knock on the door. It scared me so badly I screamed and tripped myself on the carpet. I lay still on the floor, waiting for the door to burst open and demons come rushing in. Nothing happened. I sat up, keeping my eyes on the door, and the window next to it. Another knock. I stood up and slowly walked across the room. My hand rested on the doorknob, the other holding the safety chain like a lifeline. Deciding that if who- or whatever was on the other side really wanted to get in, they would have by now. I unlatched the chain and turned the knob. And got a huge surprise.

“We need to talk.”

Reader POV

This was some bullshit. You had barely managed to get the Winchesters to leave you alone when Crowley showed up in your room with a new “mission”. He was so full of it. You’d had no idea that it actually was him who’d had Jules abducted. And now he’d lost her, because of course he had, and needed you to find her. Your one consolation in all this was that that was all he’d asked you to do, nothing else.

“I don’t see what this girl has to do with me, Crowley.”

“Darling, I thought we’d been over this. It’s not your place to ask questions.” He was right. You hated to admit it, but he was.

It wasn’t as hard as Crowley made it out to be. In fact, it was so easy to find Jules you started to wonder what the fuck Crowley was actually up to. He seriously couldn’t find her only two hours away from the house he’d held her at? More to the point, why hadn’t she left yet? Why was she still here?

You walked up to the door, seeing the lights were off in the room. Before knocking you stopped and listened. You could hear her in there, she was pacing, mumbling to herself. Fucking hell, she must be in a panic, demons after her, not knowing who to trust.

Knowing that you were only prolonging the inevitable, you raised your hand and knocked. From inside the room you heard a scream and a thump. You waited a beat before knocking again. This wasn’t the time to be sensitive. Even though Crowley hadn’t given you specific instructions you were sure he wasn’t going to be pleased if you half assed this, and you’d been wracking your brain the whole drive here to find a way around the rules without breaking them. Jules couldn’t fall back into Crowley’s hands, but she couldn’t go back to the brothers either.

The door opened and you were faced with a girl who locked severely freaked out.

“We need to talk.” Her eyes flicked around.

“How do I know you’re you?” So she wasn’t completely incompetent. You pulled out a flask of holy water and a shotgun shell filled with rock salt.

“Know what salt and holy water do to a demon?” She nodded. Here goes. You opened the shell and poured it’s contents into the flask. Then you took a deep breath before raising it to your mouth. Fucking hell, that’s nasty! You looked at Jules.

“See? No burns, no screams, no smoke. All human.” She looked relieved but didn’t open the door to let you inside.

“Why are you here? Where’s Dean? And Sam?”

“Like I said, we need to talk, and while I may not be a demon I can’t say the same for anyone else. Will you please let me in?” She looked around, panic back in her eyes. Then she gestured for you to hurry and slammed the door as soon as you’d stepped over the threshold. You heard the lock click and the chain slide into place.

“Wow,” you said, looking around the room. Devil’s traps and sigils lined the walls and floor, and salt lines ran all along the walls, windows and doors. “Where’d you learn all this?” You turned back to look at her, only to find her sitting on the floor, hands in her hair and shaking.

“Hey,” you murmured in a soft voice, squatting down infront of her. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, and how this must be, but I need you to get it together, okay?” She looked up at you.

“I don’t know what’s happened, or why. And the only two people I have to rely on haven’t come for me. I don’t even know their phone numbers. So please don’t talk to me about keeping it together.”

“Listen, Sam and Dean have tried their damn best to find you. They even came to me, asking if I knew anything. At the time I didn’t. I only found out where you were an hour ago. I don’t even know why the demons want you. But…” you bit your lip, hating that you had to say this part. You had no guarantee that you’d be able to keep your word. “I’m here to help you.”

Jules POV

I didn’t know whether to believe Y/N or not. I didn’t know her, although Sam and Dean seemed to trust her, at least they used to. What help could she offer?

“How?”

“First things first.” She held her hands out and pulled me to my feet. She guided me to a chair and we sat down at the table.

“The most important thing you need to know is that if you stay here, the demons will find you, no question. As I said, I don’t know why they want you, but I can promise it’s nothing good. But because they want you, you have to stay away from the Winches-”

“No! No fucking way!” I flew up from my seat and started pacing again. Y/N stood up as well, like she was prepared to take me down if I didn’t listen to her.

“You don’t get it, Jules, if they find you, they find them. And I can’t let that happen. If you care about them you’ll understand.” I stared at her, feeling my eyes bugging out.

“That’s rich! Dean told me what you did, and I have to say, that was some stinking horse shit. They loved you, and you just up and left them behind, never looking back. And then you had the nerve to show up at the bunker? Hah!” A flash of movement and she was standing right infront of me, seeming to tower over me, looking pissed as hell.

“You don’t know half the reason I left. You don’t know why I did what I did. And you certainly don’t know what leaving them did to me. So don’t go acting all high and mighty, pretending to know them, or me for that matter.” I stood stock still, the chill in her voice freezing me on the spot. It took a few moments before I had the nerve to speak again.

“I trusted them to find me… I thought I knew that they’d fight tooth and nail, and succeed. But they didn’t, and I had to get myself out.”

“I know.” Her voice was softer now, but she didn’t back down. “And now I need you to know why you have to stay away from them.” Tears were forming in my eyes.

“So I have to go at this alone?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“You said you’d hep me.” “I can only do so much, Jules.” A moment of silence.

“Can I at least call Dean?”

Dean POV

“Jules?” His voice barely held up after hearing her voice.

“Yeah, it’s me…”

“Where are you?” He tried his best to keep the panic and anger at bay. If she’d been hurt-

“I can’t tell you.” Her voice was soft, shaky, like she was crying. Dean’s hand was trembling, resisting the urge to hit something, and he wanted to scream at her and demand to know where she was so he could come get her. But he didn’t.

“Why?”

“Because of you Dean. What happened to me… It would happen to you too. So I need to be alone.”

“Jules…” She was kidding herself if she thought he wouldn’t find her. “What did they do?” His voice was strained, trying to keep his emotions in check. He heard a sob on the other line, faint, as if she was holding the phone away from her head, hoping he wouldn’t hear.

“I have to go, Dean.”

“No, Jules-” The line went dead.

Jules POV

I let the phone fall to the floor, my mind a haze. Somewhere in the back of my senses I felt Y/N move beside me to pick it up. Then hands were moving me through the room, sitting me down on the bed. Her face appeared infront of me, catching my attention.

“Jules? I need you to focus.” I shook my head to clear it, and nodded to show she had my attention.

“Good. So here’s the deal. I need to leave soon, but there are a few things I need you to do.” Another nod.

“First, I need you to leave this town. You already know about protection against demons, use it. Don’t stay in one town for more than a couple of days, and always use cash.” She stuffed a wrinkled piece of paper in my hand. “Learn this by heart. It’s an exorcism, should you need to use it. On the other side is a drawing of a pentagram. I want you to get it tattooed somewhere on your body, it’ll prevent possession.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small gun. “Last thing,” she said, putting it on the bed next to me. “Learn to use this.” She turned and walked to the door, and after a moment I stood up to follow.

“That’s it? You’re just leaving?” Y/N shrugged on her jacket and opened the door. Before stepping outside she turned back.

“I don’t think this will be the last time we ever meet, Jules. But I have to ask you to keep this to yourself.” The door closed.

As it turned out, the only perk to Y/N’s visit was my phone call. Nothing else seemed to be working out for me. Wherever I went there seemed to be demons on my heels. I’d gotten the tattoo as soon as possible, and so far it seemed to be working, as no one had tried to smoke their way down my throat yet. But the demons were still there, lurking around every fucking corner.

I’d also become a thief, stealing cars left and right, but never keeping them for long. I must have slept in nine different beds the past two weeks. I never left my motel room during the night, and barely walked outside even during the day. Was this my life now? Was this what I had to look forward to? Living in isolation and on the run? Some life that would be.

I couldn’t help but think that some serious paranoia was setting in. I saw eyes watching me all the time. I didn’t trust the motel managers, or the clerks at the gas-n-sips. I wore discreet clothes and tried my best to hide in plain sight. It was driving me crazy. I wanted nothing more than to go back to Sam and Dean, and find out why this was all happening. I felt so fucking cut off from the world and there was nothing to distract me, even for a moment, to let me forget the situation I was in.

Y/N hadn’t shown up again. I didn’t know whether to be grateful or suspicious or panicking about that fact. True, she couldn’t very well babysit me, and I’d decided to believe her when she said she didn’t know why the demons were after me. But the solitude had given me more than enough time to think how weird it was that she’d found me so fast after I escaped, when Dean and Sam hadn’t. It was all eating me up, and I couldn’t see the world in a straight perspective anymore.

I was walking from the nearest grocery store, back to the motel, when I felt it. I was being followed. Nowadays all my senses were dialled up to eleven, and it didn’t escape my notice that the same sound of feet hitting the ground had been behind me for a solid ten minutes now. All the way from the store. I sped up slightly, and the steps behind me kept up. My heart was pounding so hard my head started to hurt. I could do this. One more turn and it was only a short sprint back to the motel and the safety of my protection. I rounded the corner and took off, dropping the bags of food on the sidewalk, hoping to slow down whoever was following me. Not looking back even for a moment I strained my muscles as much as possible and ran as fast as I could. I got to my room and slammed the door behind me, barricading it with whatever I could find, checking all the salt lines and traps before collapsing in a heap on the floor. When the pounding on the door started I wrapped my arms around my head and squeezed, trying to tune out the sound that could mean my death.

The crash of the door breaking open had me jump up and back as far into the room as I could. Someone had gotten inside. What the hell? What demon could cross a salt line? And not get stuck in the traps? I saw a shape moving behind the glass divider between the bed and the door and pressed my back against the wall, trying to become as small as possible. In the pocket of my jacket I felt the gun digging into my hip and immediately grabbed it. When the person came around the corner I raised it to fire. Only to drop it just as fast.

“Dean?!”

@carryonmyswansong

Note: I couldn’t sleep, this chapter kept nagging at me so I had to write it :P

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50 Concerned Parents On The Creepiest Words Their Demon Child Has Ever Spoken

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50 Concerned Parents On The Creepiest Words Their Demon Child Has Ever Spoken

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Cataloged in Creepy

50 Concerned Parents On The Creepiest Words Their Demon Child Has Ever Spoken

January Nelson Updated November 24, 2018

0

These horrifying stories from Ask Reddit will make you second guess whether you want to have kids.

1. When my oldest son was about three, he said one night at bed time, “Mommy I like you better than my fake mommy.”

Me: “Who’s your fake mommy?”

Him: “You can’t see her. She tucks me in after you do.”

2. My niece was about 4 when I heard her laughing in my room. I walked in and asked her what she was doing and she said, “Chucky says if you stick your fingers in your eyes they come out of your mouth.” Then she told me Chucky lived underground. Still gives me chills.

3. Picked him up from daycare when he was 3. Driving home, totally quiet, him just staring out the window…

He randomly asks, “Hey dad, ‘member that time we died in a fire?”

4. My 3 year old daughter was going through the monsters under her bed phase. Lasted for weeks, and it was really wearing on her mom and me.

One night after mom tried to put her to bed, she tagged me in. After 30 minutes, I grew pretty frustrated. In a last ditch attempt, I promised my daughter that there weren’t any monster under her bed. She replied, “I know. Now they’re behind you.”

After that, I let her sleep with us for a week.

5. I heard the one-year-old’s high chair move even though nobody was near it. I asked the three-year-old, “What was that?” and he said, while pointing to the chair, “What is SHE doing here!?”

6. He started refusing to go downstairs (age around 3-3.5), terrified, saying there was an evil ‘angel man’ down there that wanted to hurt the whole family. Consistently drew the same picture of said angel man too.

7. This was terrifying. When I was a teenager I was babysitting for a family with three young children. The boy was about 8 and the girls were in kindergarten. Their parents had driven an hour away to see a play, but still planned to be home early in the night. However, I got a call that they had been in a minor car accident and would be home a couple hours later than planned. They asked several times how/if the boy was sleeping, which should have been a red flag, but I simply said that all the children were sleeping and left it there. About an hour goes by, and it’s definitely nighttime now. I’m sitting on a sofa downstairs and looking through some old magazines to pass the time. Suddenly I hear shuffling on the staircase. The boy was clearly sleepwalking, but his eyes were open and rolled back. He started running his hands along the wall and grabbing family pictures while screaming “they all must go, they all must go” before throwing the pictures down the stairs. Once I overcame a moment of sheer panic, I rushed up the stairs and tried to grab him. Once I’m about half a foot away from him he starts screaming, “If you touch me you die, if you touch me you die,” followed by manic laughter. By this point the sound of crashing glass and screaming has woken up the girls, and I can hear them crying. Totally freaked out, but still focused on keeping the kid from falling down the stairs, I grab the boy by the back of his pajamas and lead him back up the rest of the stairs and towards his room. When we get to his doorway he calmly walks to his bed and gets back in as if nothing has happened. Flabbergasted, I go over to his bed and he is perfectly sound asleep. I can still hear the girls crying so I rush to their room. They are huddled together in the back corner crying. I say, “Oh no no, it’s okay your brother is okay, he’s just sleepwalking, he’s fine!” One of the little girls looks at me and says, “We know he can’t help it, Simon makes him do it.” That was the last straw for me. I didn’t ask anymore questions, brought the girls downstairs with me, gave them milk and cookies, turned on the radio and turned every single light on. Parents walk in, and know immediately what happened. Never babysat for that family again.

8. My oldest kept talking in his bed past bed time. When we asked him who he was talking to he said he was talking to the floating white lady. I don’t remember the description he gave us, but what I DO remember is kid #3 doing the same fucking routine 8 years later…

9. My 3 year old grandson has babbled about plane crashes since he started talking. He would reenact (with toys) a plane chasing another plane and as the first suddenly dropped to the ground he’d yell in a heart-rending scream, “OH NO WE CRASHED!” This was his first sentence. He did this over and over.

Early this summer he’s 3 and I’m reading him a bedtime story. I pause and look up at him and he said to me, “Granny, I was a pilot, my plane was the Kitty Hawk. I crashed into the water when they shotted off my wing and shotted off my face.”

It almost stopped my heart.

He looked so troubled and sad. I told him that he had done his best and I was very proud of him and that he was only a little boy now and needed to not worry about that but if he needed to talk about it he could anytime. I just hugged him.

I researched and Kitty Hawks were used by almost every country early in WW2.

10. Not a parent, but when my little brother was 4 and I was like 18 we were playing with Hot Wheels cars. He just started singing the alphabet song, which is normal for kids to just start singing at random times, but he had a twist to it: “A, B, C, D, E, F, G… Everyone is dead…” I just looked t him for a moment and then just kept playing with cars Kids are weird, man.

11. My son (7)…

Dreamily and out of nowhere: Today is the day I’m going to die

Me: What??

Him: Oh no mom don’t worry, not today, but on this date some other year.

12. When my cousin was a kid, there was a doll at a toy shop that she longed for, for months. She was a fabric doll with a painted face, had red hair made from yarn, and a green, printed dress. She got the doll for Christmas and fairly soon after had a dream that the doll was laughing and pulling out her toenails. She was so freaked out that they had to get rid of the doll. A couple of months ago, my cousin’s 8 year old son came to her after a nightmare about a mean doll and described my cousin’s doll exactly!

13. When my daughter was little she was crying and I went to check on her. She said she couldn’t get the picture to go away. I said what picture? She pointed to an empty spot on the rug. I asked her what it was a picture of. She said it was my car on fire.

I was leaving for a long road trip a couple days later. I never drove so carefully in my life.

14. One night my husband had gone out with friends and I had settled in for some Netflix after the kids went to bed. My son got up and walked past the bathroom to where I was sitting then stopped. He had dead eyes. I asked him if he was ok, did he need the bathroom, did he have a bad dream, and although he turned his face towards me he didnt answer and his expression didn’t change. It was like he was possessed or zombified.

I led him into the bathroom and he followed easily enough but just stood by the toilet. When I told him to pull down his pants he did, but I still had to say, “Now go pee,” like he couldn’t figure it out on his own. He would follow direct orders but not answer questions, wouldn’t talk at all and had a dead expression the entire time. I was getting more and more frantic trying to get him to respond to me or show that he could hear me, I called my husband and told him he needed to come home, something wasn’t right. Sat on the side of the tub panicking and almost crying and he just stood there and watched me impassionately.

After about fifteen minutes he tilted his head, and blood started running out of his nose and down his face. No reaction out of him at all. I grabbed a handful of toilet paper, shoved it under his nose and told him to hold it – he did, blank faced, then picked my phone up to call 911. Before I was done dialing my son said “….Mom? What’s going on?”

It was so unexpected and my tensions were so high I jumped and almost screamed. Told him he was having a nosebleed, he said he didnt remember anything at all. Asleep in his bed and woke up in the bathroom with his mom crying and his nose bleeding. That was the day I realized my kid was a sleepwalker and I was a total wimp of a mom.

15. My daughter was in the backseat looking out the window and just calmly says, “Mommy look at all the people ” She was pointing at a cemetery that just has plaques no head stones so it looks like a pretty field. And she was 2 and there wasn’t a living soul around for miles. I just turned on the radio and acted like everything was fine. It wasn’t.

16. Not necessarily what the kid did, but heard him scream horribly loud on the monitor. My girl said there’s a black figure standing over his bed.

I jump up and as soon as I do the basement door flung open, my dog freaked the fuck out running, I ran upstairs, grabbed my son and we stayed at my mom’s lol.

My fiancee had an existential crises because she now believes in ghosts.

Funny enough I knew the family and dude who died in our house, so I went in the attic and found suitcases right above my son’s room, with the guy who died dead sons things were. Me and my cousin grabbed them and returned the items to the dead sons old wife.

Did an “exorcism” when all sorts of weird shit happened. We recorded it and got video of his camera and mount getting ripped off the counter. The stand held going 100 mph on the outside of a car, and wouldn’t come loose unless a tab was pulled, on top of that batteries died about 20x faster than they should have.

Although after we did that Rex (the dead owners dead son) never came back.

Turns out Rex was a dick in life. So scaring my kid wasn’t out if the question.

17. Not my kid, but I was at my friends place for a cookout. His son opened the sliding glass door, tapped on the side of his house, and said, “I’m going to burn this down.” He then casually walked inside and shut the door.

18. My cousin’s kid:

Middle of the night got dad’s hunting knife out and stabbed the leather couch over 50 times. He’s 5.

19. My one year old will point to a spot on the ceiling, say awwww, make grabby hands towards it then begin tracking whatever it is she sees and blowing kisses at it. I’m pretty sure it’s satan. Nothing good lives on the ceiling.

20. I used to say things my grandfather used to say a lot. Like yelling out in German at our dog. My grandfather died years before I was born.

21. Driving with my (then) 3 year old cousin. Out of nowhere she screamed . I asked her what was wrong and she said it was the . I don’t know who taught her that.

22. Found a picture of a lady in a fancy hat while on a walk. Six year old declared the lady was dead. She then said we should find the grave, dig up the body and wear her skin. We could use the skeleton for Halloween decorations.

23. I’m not a parent but am a nanny. This was a little over a year ago. I asked my 3 year old boy charge to do something simple… clean up a toy or throw out a napkin from lunch, some menial task like that, which he does a dozen times a day. He shook his head, and I reminded him about cleaning up after ourselves.

He said, “I can’t. The man in the floors says no.” I got a little chill and asked him what he meant. He pointed at a heating/cooling vent in the floor and said, “You can’t make me do it.”

It never came up again. So far, no man in any of the floors or vents.

24. Not a parent, but one time my brother at around age 6-7 (he’s 10 now) mentioned an old apartment we used to live in years before he was born. I asked him how he knew about it, and he said “Before I was born, Jesus showed me and said ‘This is going to be your future family.’” Our family / community isn’t religious at all.

25. Not my child but my granddaughter. 7 years old at the time grabbed my face looked me in the eyes and said… “I love you so much I want to cut your head off and put it in my back pack, so you’ll always be with me.”

After I explained to her that she couldn’t do that because I would die, she said, “Oh well that’s life.” She’s 13 now, my head is still attached to my body so I’m good so far. I’ve asked her if remembers saying that to me, she doesn’t and thought what a horrible thing to say.

26. Sleeping in bed, wife was at work, sense someone at the side of my bed. I slowly opened my eyes to see my 5 year old standing at the edge of the bed.

“Whats going on?”

“They’re coming for us”

“What?”

He proceeded to walk back to his bedroom and go to bed. We discovered that he was a sleepwalker, who also suffered from night terrors (the night we discovered that one is another horrifying night).

27. When my oldest daughter was in Kindergarten, she wrote and illustrated her first book titled “I Hope You Die in a Fire.”

28. A few month back. I had just put my 3 year son to bed a couple hours prior and I was downstairs watching TV. I hear him calling out, so I go up to see what he wants.

He tells me that there is a ghost in his room. He’s not really scared or anything only ghost that he is aware of are the ones in some of his cartoons or during Halloween.

So I just look around the room and tell him I don’t see anything and that ghost are not real.

He looks square into my eyes and say. “No Dad, Ghost went in my mouth, down my throat and is in my tummy. “

Hmm. Ok son go back to sleep now. Cause I may not.

29. I woke up one time to my 3-4 year old brother tossing lemon heads on my face. I asked him what he was doing and he admitted to trying to get them in my mouth so I could choke and die. I was like holy fuck that’s a little fucked, and told my parents but they laughed and said it was just him being a dumb but cute kid.

30. “Mommy, will you ever hurt me with a knife” I told her no. She followed up with, “Ok good. I know some moms do that.” She was 3 when this happened. She had never seen videos or anything that showed child abuse, so I’m not sure how she was aware that some parents hurt their kids. She’s also never been abused by anyone.

31. Not my kid but nephew.

He went through this phase of being absolutely terrified of going to sleep in his room (I’m sure all kids go through this eventually). I babysat a couple of times during this phase – we basically had to sit beside his bed and help him fall asleep, and he’d usually wake up shortly after you left the room and start crying.

His reason? “The big dark scary man standing in the corner with red eyes doesn’t want me to sleep.”

32. When my son was about five he started having night terrors. Eyes wide open, he would stare into an abyss of his own devise and scream with the chilling ferocity of hell itself. I would hold him and rock his rigid little body until he loosened back to sweaty deep sleep. What I never told my husband or the pediatrician, or even my mother, was that I was afraid of him during those nighttime bouts of what looked and felt like nothing less than possession. I was afraid of my own sweet child and wanted to run away.

33. When my daughter was 4-5 years old we lived in a two bedroom townhouse. It was just the two of us (mom and daughter, her dad passed away). She always crept into my bed at night but never said why. One day we were cleaning her room and putting away laundry and she got very agitated and said, “Why is he here now? He said he only comes at night.” I asked if she was talking about Dad. She said, “No the boy with no hands.”

We moved a few months later and she’s never come into my bed at night or mentioned him since.

34. My three year old: ‘I want to make everyone not alive’

….ooooookaaay little buddy

35. When my son was 3, he had an existential crisis. He had just discovered death, and every night as I was going to sleep, he would fixate on the fact that everyone is going to die. A lifelong atheist, I found myself talking to him about heaven, just hoping something would reassure him and make him worry less and maybe go to sleep for a few hours. But this nightly anxiety attack over the inevitability of death went on for months.

One night, I’ve calmed him down, he’s quiet for a long time, I think he’s finally asleep, I’m about to tiptoe out of the room, when loud and clear he says:

“MAMA WILL DIE TOMORROW.”

I knew this was just lis latest bout of worry, but he said it with such conviction I spent the whole next day holding my breath. Maybe he knew something I didn’t!

36. I was asking my 3 year old if he remembered being born then I asked him if he remembered what happened before he was born (because of reddit threads like this and the creepy answers they sometimes give). Without missing a beat or any prompting from me other than the question he goes “I was in a helicopter that go round and round and round then BOOM into the ground!”

37. My daughter was about 8 when she asked, “What’s it called when your parents die and you go live with someone else, who are the people?” I answer/asked, “Godparents?” To which she replied, “You and dad should get those.” Huh? Am I dying? Are you dying? I’m confused and terrified!

38. A few weeks ago I was getting breakfast ready for my 3 year old when he nonchalantly told me his Grandma fell down the stairs. About an hour later Grandpa calls us to tell us Grandma had fallen down the stairs.

Also last weekend my 3 year old said my sister was going to visit the next day and guess who showed up for a ‘surprise’ visit…

39. When my special needs son was 10, he had to have a very serious surgery. It was an 8 hour procedure and it was a pretty risky operation. We did not tell him these risks. Right before they wheeled him into surgery, he hugged me and said “Goodbye. Forever…” He made it through and his quality of life was dramatically improved by the surgery. Scariest 8 hours of my life though.

40. Well, this morning I was lying in bed, my almost 2 year old came up, put her face right up to mine and I though maybe she wanted a kiss. Then she said, “Mama, I want eat your eyes please.”

41. Not my parents, but a story they tell me about myself when I was young. When I was 3 we moved into a new home. We were eating dinner in our big, somewhat creepy new house when I stop and stare at the ceiling. My parents ask if everything’s okay. I shush them and reply “We have to be quite. We don’t want to wake up Marcus.”

Well we don’t know any Marcus so my parents silently freak out thinking maybe I saw a “ghost” or something. Long story short when I visited my uncles They would tell me to stay quiet cause their neighbour (Marcus) lived above them. Definitely spooked my parents good

42. Not my son, but a friend’s son said “Uncle (me) is gonna die in the water.”

Me and his dad:”WTF?? How?”

Him: “He’s gonna fall from a bridge and die in the water.”

He walks out of the room laughing. He’s 4.

43. It’s one in the morning, I’m dead asleep with my wife in the living room reading. All of the sudden the baby monitor is blaring my 16 month old son’s laughter in my ear, so I jump up, run into his room, and he’s standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically. I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.

44. Once when my toddler was hugging me he quietly said “I won’t eat your bones.” Oh, uh…much obliged…

45. When my daughter was around 4 yrs old, she had a habit of waking me up by getting 4 inches from my face and staring at me until I opened my eyes. Once my eyes opened, she’d say, “Mommy your face is pretty. I want to wear it on my face.”

Ok, Hannibal, let’s get some breakfast.

46. I have twin daughters. One day while playing outside, one looked up at the sky and said, “The sky is cracked… and on fire.”

My other daughter looked up and said, “Yes…. the people are screaming.”

Then they went back to playing with dolls. Fingers crossed they’re not predicting the future, everybody!

47. My three year old son said, “Next time I’m a baby, I want to have green eyes.” I asked him if he had been a different baby before being who he currently is, and he squinted his eyes, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, “Yes, papa.”

48. Not my kid, but a neighbor. Maybe 7-8 years old.

“Hey Mr. Soomuchcoffee, whatcha doin!?”

“Bringing in groceries dude.”

“Can I come inside your house?”

“Oh, nah buddy. I’m busy, and your mom would wonder where you went, I don’t think she’d like that too much.”

“You mean I really can’t?”

“Yeah bud. Sorry. Maybe another time when you mom knows where you’re at.”

“I…I’m gonna use my gun and put a virus in your brain so that you die!”

“I uh….ya. Alrighty then. Welp, groceries bye bye now!”

49. “I want to play “Frozen” but only the part where the parents die in a shipwreck.”

50. A kid once sat near a camp fire and seemed to be lost in thoughts. I asked what he is thinking about. This 6 year old said, “I wish I was high up in space and the whole world was on fire. That would be beautiful.”

is cataloged in Creepy Kids

January Nelson

January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, …

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The government “safe space” that is actually suspicious as heck.

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Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/

[fictionalwonder]

True Blood Season 4 Review

Ok It's done. The guessing and spoiling is over for another 9 months leaving us with only a serious fangover and an unprecedented post season body count. True Blood Season 4 was bat shit crazy even more than Season 3, the timeline of such memorables as jar of Talbot and spine ripping TV. So now post Season 4 finale whether you were calling for a Scream award or thought the whole thing blew chances are you're about to embark on 9 months of TB withdrawal. Yup even the haters feel its absence. So let's savor the moment in a post finale look at the best and worst of True Blood Season 4

THE BIGGEST THANK GOD MOMENT: Wee Marcus and gang finally putting Tommy and us out of the misery that was Tommy Mickens sorry ass life. As soon as he went skinwalker you knew his days were numbered. Sam Tramwell was brilliant doing Tommy doing him and who didn't cheer when said Tommy/Sam fired Sookie! She is the worst waitress ever! Talk about sick leave; is she ever at work for more than half a shift!?! The fall out from his death will certainly carry us through season 5, where we can only hope Sam has some modicum of hope at returning to just running the bar and attending anger management sessions.

Close second was Sookie decisively shooting Debbie Pelt in the head, even though she begged her not to. Yup, we had to wait till the very end of the season for evil, laughing while pouring Talbot down the drain Sookie, to return.

BEST OMG MOMENT: Ginger riding the coffin - nuff said.

SCARIEST/SEXIEST MOMENT:

Scary and sexy are often one and the same on True Blood, and this year Eric Northman ripping out, here to be known as, Juice Box Roy's heart will be stamped on my brain as a shining TB moment. Countless screamed everywhere, I had know idea THAT could be sexy! Give Skarsgård a raise!

BTW the T-shirts were on sale a mere 3 hours post show.

BIGGEST WTF MOMENT: Sookie and Eric snow shower then frak in Narnia. I've never read the books but the post Spellbound roar over The Vampire, The Witch and The Shower Stall, chocked up the blog commentary for days. I suspect because nothing could ever live up to this sacred cow of the sookiverse sexcapdes, Ball and company for better or worse decided not to go there; thus sparing us from more Skinmax test reels by getting out of the shower faster than they got in

MOST IMPROVED: King Bill - sure

he's damaged goods nailing his great great great great granddaughter and watching his ex screw his brain-damaged frenemy but sans Sookie round his neck, Bill was standing a bit taller this year. He even had a sense of humor, and Bill with balls is actually kind of hot. The developing bromance between him and Eric turned out to be one of the best parts of the season close.

MOST POTENTIAL: Laurel and Hardy move over. With Sookie out of the way Bill and Eric make an an awesome tag team, dissing each other on the pyre then cooperatively staking and decapitating Nan and troopers. Here's to more of Bill and Eric's excellent adventure in Season 5.

MOST IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT: Sookie got enough of her spunk back to blow Debbie Pelt's head off, sure, but seriously she spent most of the season literally on her back, well sometimes on top. She was once a gifted mind-reader; we saw that maybe twice this season. Instead we learned more about her castrating powers when it comes to boyfriends. She mommied Eric into a hoody wearing puppy dog, did the dirty with him in every room of grandma's house and then kicked him, alongside Bill, to the curb come finale. In four seasons she truly did go from virgin to love em and leave em fangbanger. The classless moves have got to stop if the Stackhouse angle is to survive. We need an even slightly relate-able protagonist. I'm hoping another eligible lady moves to town, though god forbid she get a job at Merlotts - the most dangerous workplace in America.

SOOKIE'S ONE REDEEMING FEATURE SEASON 4: Sookie had unbelievably great hair this season. I swear to god I saw the camera man reflected in her locks in Eric's cubby.

MOST IN NEED OF A HUG: From defending herself against zombie slurs to losing an ear, Pam had endured what must go down as the worst week in her hundred plus years. She lost her maker to back country fairy vagina and her face rotted off. And things weren't exactly looking up when we left her, blood tears running down her cheek, hugging Ginger.

Why did they do that to Pam!!! Well for one reason she gave TB viewers some of the best gore the show has ever delivered. Still, writers, you better fix her. At the end of the day we really just want to look at Kristin Bauer being gorgeous and acting snarky.

Coming in second is Hoyt who despite the bitterness of his bad boyfriend rejection could really use a little lov'in right now, if not some of Summer's biscuits.

BEST RECAPS and REVIEWS:

VLOGS

#1 Bloodworks takes the stakes as a no contest winner. Besides being just the cutest couple in the world, Brian and Any's post show cocktails and theatrics amount to sometimes slurry worded and always hilariously astute recaps. I swear by mid season you look forward to Andy and Brian's upload as much as the episode itself. With its "staking points" and "do bad things" they were the best thing that could happen to a mediocre TB episode. Brian Juergen and Andy Swist @campbloodbuzz @andyswist http://campblood.org/Newblog/

#2 Think Heroes True Blood Review is tried and true. Roth Cornet has hosted solo for two seasons, and this season Jenna Busch was on board. Roth's reviews are first-rate often delving deeper than the show deserves. Busch does a good job of keeping things in the watercooler-moment mood of the short vlog format. The two combined offer a sometimes giggle ridden but always insightful True Blood take. Jennings Roth Cornet @JRothC | http://www.jenningsrothcornet.com/ JennaBusch @JennaBusch | http://girlmeetslightsaber.blogspot.com

#3 BloodBites is family friendly fair with this sister and brother team showcasing familial bonds and blood-dipped funny bones. Reenacting then reviewing a given episode's wtf moments, Blood Bites has cross-gen appeal. It's quality YouTube content you could show your grandmother and your eight year-old niece, who you know are both watching True Blood too.

Honorable Mention My Future Lover's Reason to Ship Sookie and Eric Spawn of You Tube strictly for Team Eric members, My Future Lover's play by play captions to the best and worst Sookie Eric moments capture at least half the audience's joy, tears and tv punching moments.

BEST PODCAST

True Blood in Dallas Straight up fan founded talkshow and review of both book, show and TB culture with revolving guest reviewers each week. A steady dose of all the criticism only a Stackhouse booklover can bring, Talk Blood is laced with plenty of Charlaine Harris loving that fellow fans can appreciate.

Listen to internet radio with True Blood in Dallas on Blog Talk Radio

BLOGS AND WEB SITES

Best Recaps

Pros and Cons True Blood by Meredith Woerner nails it everytime. for a no holds barred, tell it like is play by play pro con style. This is one of the funniest and most astute TB recaps out there. Meredith Woerner @MdellW | http://io9.com/people/MeredithDW/posts/

After Eltons WTF recap by Steven Frank is an imaginative post morteum with major plot points reviewed then rated in Grace Jones Vamp limps.

Jef With One F's music and episode recap for the Houston's Press is a creative spin that lets the show's lead track set the tone for review and analysis. Jef With One F @HPRocksOff

Best Blogs

Talk True Blood Digging deep and ranting in the best way, Talk True Blood goes so far as to offer scene by scene body language analysis of major characters.

Buddhism and True Blood Dedicated to Alan Ball and the wheel of life, Buddhism and True blood reminds us that life is suffering especially in Bon Temps

True Blood Underground Do you really know what's going on in Bon Temps? Conspiracy theories abound as TB Underground calls out Alan Ball on his addictive mind control experiment.

FINAL WORD Four seasons later there is still a bit of blood left in the series, and while fairy-finger-cop-outs and super silly, supernatural assumptions do show signs of laziness in the writers room, True Blood still does deliver some amazing TV. Godforbid we get bogged down by process oriented stuff like how amnesia Eric lost his shirt post-spell or ends up on a bonfire tied to Bill between episode 11 and 12. Things like how come no one reports a death in Bon Temp anymore or WHO IS running Merlottes only get in the way of a good story or at least a good "oh no they didn't" jaw drop.

I suspect, forty eight episodes later, TB writers actually relish every shark jumping moment as much as fangbanging spectacle. They know they can get away with it because they know how dedicated, creative and forgiving their fan base is. Plus narrative logic be damned, camp and drama are fine edges to play on, and they deserve applause for taking even tasteless risks.

For every bit of hocus pocus cgi True Blood throws at us, such as the anime forcefield surrounding Moon Goddess or the ridiculously bad fx exorcism of Mavis, there was a Pam getting a skin peel or Eric ripping the heart out of juice box Roy to make up for it. For each ridiculous Scooby Doo and the gang moment, there was a Vampire A-team or death by pencil. For each and every minute we tolerated Andy, we had a shot of Ginger riding a coffin or Eric drinking the whole fairy. True Blood IS very uneven but it IS very fun.

So that caps summertime Sundays and True blood still remains my ultimate guilty pleasure. The culture and coverage this year has been as much fun as the show itself and made Sundays feel like a party. I think Alex Skarsgård sums it all up in this quote,

“At 7 in the morning, I’m hanging from the ceiling in a Nazi uniform with fangs in[my mouth]. I look over and I see [Allan] there in his Nazi uniform hanging like a puppet. We’re about to descend down to kill this wolf, you know? And that was the moment where we just looked at each other like, This is what we’re doing for a living?‘”

Yup, IT IS! And even more surprising I CAN"T believe I'm watching you do it and not only that but loving every minute!

[lumiolivier]

Chapter Eleven:  Face Off

Word Count:  3516

Chapter No. 11/36

Notes:  This is kind of up late and I have my reasons for the (maybe) one person that reads this.  To make a long story short, I wasn’t in a good place in my head today and I was kind of in shambles, so go ahead.  Read away.  Or don’t.  That’s just a suggestion.  Like dry clean only. 

Chapter Ten:  Close the Book

“Mom!  Dad!  I’m home!” I kicked my shoes off at the door and started toward the staircase.  I had a shit ton to do and not a whole lot of time.

 “Hi, baby,” Mom stopped me, “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

 “I’m going to Julian’s house tonight,” I explained, already done with her, “It’s kind of important.”

 “Why can’t you stay home tonight?” she begged, “The three of us are home at the same time for a change!”

 “She’s got a point, Mimi,” Dad chimed in, “You should stay home tonight.  Where did you say you were going again?”

 “Julian’s,” I told him, “It’s just down the road.”

 “That’s the kid from Monday night, right?” he asked.

 “Yes,” I nodded, really wanting to go upstairs now.

 “What are you two doing that’s so important?” Mom stalled me.

 I wasn’t going to tell her what I was really doing.  She didn’t need to see Julian in that kind of light.  They sure as hell didn’t need to know he was like me.  And she knew some of the bitchy soccer moms.  She definitely didn’t need to tell them about her daughter giving him temporary plastic surgery to keep them off his dick. So, I lied through my teeth, “We’re coming up with a new drink for the café.”

 “That’s great!” Dad praised, “What’s it going to be?”

 “Not sure yet,” I kept covering my tracks, heading upstairs, “I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

 I couldn’t deal with them right now.  As much as I loved them and I understood they wanted to spend some time together as a family, I could do that tomorrow.  But tonight? I had bigger fish to fry. Tonight, I had to keep Julian from getting jumped in the alley by a bunch of horny, menopausal women.  

 “Mimi,” Mom called up the stairs, “Hold on.”

 “What?” I sat at the top in full on exasperation.  On a time crunch, Mother.  

 “You’ve been gone every night since Sunday,” she pointed out, “I understand it’s a work thing, but do you think you could stay home?”

 “Tomorrow,” I promised, getting her off my back, “I’ll come straight home from work and I’ll stay all night.”

 “Fine,” she allowed, “I guess we can do that.”

 “Fantastic!” I went up to my room and into my bathroom.  Under the sink was a well-organized system of my cosplay makeup.  This is where I kept the good shit.  Let’s see.  A jar of liquid latex…maybe my fake piercings…anything that made Julian unrecognizable.  His face after going back into the kitchen haunted me.  It burned in the back of my mind and anything I could do to make sure that never happened again, I was going to do whatever I could.

 I had a damn nice case to put everything in with drawers and everything.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I almost looked professional. An impulse purchase from a year or two ago.  Wishful thinking, really.  I got it for if I were to ever do cons on a big scale like Julian did.  Now, I could finally put it to use.  I had a couple jars of liquid latex, a nude palette, and my fake piercings for good measure.  I always did love a man with a face full of hardware.  

 Then, I remembered the reason we were doing this in the first place.  No matter how ok he looked after we left work, something tells me Julian was still a little shaken from book club.  I had to do something to make him feel better besides fixing his face. A light blue wig hung from the inside of my closet door, giving me a brilliant idea.  Dare I?  I couldn’t bear to see him so freaked.  Maybe this would cheer him up.

 I put my wig on, clipped in my pigtails, attached my headset, and put on a classic.  With a quick change of my outfit and a black hoody to cover up with (it had started cooling off and he didn’t need to see me quite yet), I dragged my makeup case down the stairs and headed for Julian’s.  It’s not every day when a living, breathing embodiment of someone’s waifu shows up on his front doorstep.  It might have been a good idea to give him a heads up, but alas.

 “Hey,” Julian opened his door, “I’m pretty sure we’re past the point of you having to knock anymore.”

 “You ready?” I asked.

 “As ready as I’m going to be.”

 “Alright,” I peeled my hoody off and watched Julian’s jaw drop halfway to China, “What?”

 “Did you Miku for me?” he gasped.

 “I might have,” I smirked, “Why?”

 “Because,” Julian spun me around, “You’re perfect.”

 “Made it all myself,” I boasted, “Except for the wig.  That was a late night on Amazon.”

 “Mimi, it’s flawless,” he still struggled for breath, “If this is what your Miku is, I can’t wait for Sunday.”

 “My Misa isn’t bad either,” I assured as he continued to look over my handiwork, “Believe it or not, this was one of my firsts.”

 “Really?” Julian wowed, “But the stitching is so straight.  The outfit is so perfectly put together.  And this was all with little to no prior experience?”

 “Pretty much,” I nodded, “I had used a sewing machine maybe twice before making Miku.”

 “I see I picked a damn fine partner in this next chapter,” he awed, pulling me against him, “Konbanwa, Miku-chan.”

 “Konbanwa,” I blushed, “We have a mission, Julian.  Remember? You’re cursed with a pretty face?”

 “Yeah,” he let out a heavy sigh, “A cross I must bear.”

 “Poor you,” I chuckled.

 “You saw it got me today!” Julian squeaked, his eyes showing his fear.

 “I know,” I settled him, my guilt setting in, “And that’s what you have me for.”

 “What kind of fun and excitement is in that big, blue case of yours?” he worried, “This isn’t going to be the part where you actually cut my face off, is it?”

 “No,” I promised, “The sharpest thing in that case is the edge of a palette.  You have nothing to worry about.  I can only make it look like I slit your throat.  I can’t actually do it.”

 “Really and truly, though, Mimi,” Julian thanked, “I appreciate you doing this for me.”

 “And if all goes well,” I sat him down and dug around for a decent foundation, “I’ll be back tomorrow morning to do it all again.”

 “In that case,” he got up, “I should probably get us some of this.  I made a stop by the liquor store on the way home because I’m a gentleman and such.”

 “Alright,” I agreed, “I could do a drink.  What’d you get?”

 “Bottle of red,” he ran down his list, “I like some wine once in a while.  Don’t judge me.”

 “No judgment,” I had no room to.  

 “Then, I got some butterscotch flavored vodka,” he went on, “Seemed interesting.  A bottle of UV Blue.”

 “Yep,” I stopped him, “Just give me the UV. Do you have any lemonade, by any chance?”

 “No, I don’t,” Julian shot me down, “But I do have lemon juice and sugar.”

 “Bless you,” I grabbed a reusable water bottle out of Julian’s cabinet and started mixing.  I filled half of it with water and a quarter of it with lemon juice with a few tablespoons of sugar.  After a thorough shaking, I added a couple shots of UV and shook it one more time.

 “You did that like an old pro,” he looked at me in amazement.

 “I wasn’t exactly a good girl in high school,” I admitted, “I had someone that would score for me, but she ended up moving my senior year and I had to quit drinking for a while. This is one of my favorite cocktails.”

 “Any good?” Julian asked.

 “Here,” I offered him a drink, “I didn’t drink soda, so the lemonade just worked.”

 “Damn, that’s good,” he critiqued, “Could use a little more sugar for my tastes, but aside from that, it’s pretty good.  Five stars.”

 “What can I say?” I shrugged, “I’m a girl of many talents.  Now, make your drink and let’s do this.”

 “Easy with the being demanding, though,” Julian twitched a little, “You being my Miku-chan and giving orders like that…It’s kind of a reoccurring dream of mine…One of those special dreams you keep to yourself.”

 “Goddammit, Julian,” I sighed out, “You could’ve told me it was your reoccurring sex dream and we could’ve moved on from it.”

 “Alright,” he swirled his Jack and Coke around, “I’m fine.  I’m good.  We’ll never talk about it again.”

 “Thank you,” I sat him back down, “Can I start now?”

 “Go ahead,” Julian allowed, “We’re going for something practical, right?  I’m not getting demon horns?”

 “No,” I went back to looking for a foundation color, “I’m not giving you demon horns.  Unless you want some.”

 “As badass as that’d be,” he giggled a little, “No.  I can’t. If I go to my grandma’s house, she’ll start yelling at me in Latin.  And she’s right off the boat from Italy.  I don’t want an exorcism from her.  Nor do I want to give her a heart attack.  I love my grandma.”

 “I’m sure you do,” I got my round brush and ran my first color on his cheek, “Nope.  Too dark.”

 “What?”

 “Foundation color,” I clarified, “It’s too dark.  If I end up using this color, you’d look a tad racist.  At one time, I was quite tan and this color worked for me.  Now, since I hadn’t seen sunlight in at least three years and I’ve been rocking this sweet dungeon tan, it doesn’t work anymore.  If you were to push me over in the snow while I was completely naked, you wouldn’t be able to find me.”

 “So, you’re essentially saving me from blackface?”

 “Yes,” I licked my thumb and got it off.

 “Do what you have to do,” he gave me complete control, “But was that really necessary?”

 “I didn’t feel like getting my makeup remover,” I brushed him off, “That worked just as well. Probably a couple shades lighter. Hold the phone…”

 “What?” Julian asked as I held the back of my hand to his face, “Is this the part where you pimp slap me? Because that would make this night take a really strange turn that I don’t know if you’re ready for or not.”

 “I’m not pimp slapping you,” I was ready to full on beat the shit out of him, but not pimp slap him, “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

 “You’re not,” he assured, “But what was your alleged dumb move?”

 “You and I are the same pasty ass color,” I yelled at myself, “I never would’ve guessed.  To look at us, we don’t look the same shade.”

 “But here we are,” Julian settled, “You and me.  We’re the same in so many other ways.  Why not this, too?”

 “I guess,” I grabbed my usual foundation color and a sponge and got to work, “And you’re sure I have free reign to do whatever?”

 “Anything to keep the cougars away,” he begged, “I completely trust that you won’t totally fuck my face up.”

 “Just a little fucked up?” I suggested.

 “Mimi!”

 “I know, I know,” I giggled, “Don’t worry.  I know what I’m doing.”

 “The mini heart attacks are unappreciated, “Julian took a heavy drink from his glass.

 “I’m sorry,” I apologized, starting with the first layer of liquid latex, “I can’t help myself sometimes.”

 “Can I ask you something?” he tilted his head, giving me better lighting.

 “Shoot,” I blew on his cheek, making the latex dry quicker.

 “How did you learn to do all of this?” Julian wondered.

 “YouTube,” I told, “General boredom.  I taught myself how to do special effects before I started writing fan ficton. I’ve only been doing that for a few years.  I started doing this for just Halloween to scare the shit out of little kids.”

 “Dark.”

 “But fun,” I smiled a bit, “Then, I wanted to get more detailed and it became more of an art form than anything else.”

 “And it evolved into what you’re doing for me,” he guessed.

 “Bingo,” I grabbed a different brush, “I’m going to have to do this to myself if we ever decide to do Dramatical Murder together.”

 “Why?” Julian asked.

 “If you’re going to be Koujaku,” I elaborated, “I’m going to be Noiz.”

 “I thought there was something between those two,” he agreed, “There’s a lot of hate and anger.”

 “I’ve always thought they’d have some really wicked hate sex,” I let out a heavy, dreamy sigh, “A girl can dream.”

 “It’s bad enough we’ve talked about my reoccurring sex dream,” Julian teased, “We don’t need to talk about yours, too.”

 “But if I’m going to be Noiz,” I went on, getting back on topic, “I’m not going to commit that much and get all of his piercings.  Mostly because I don’t have a dick to pierce.  That’s where my friend liquid latex comes in.  It becomes like a second skin and I can stick whatever rings I want into that instead of me.”

 “Hold on!” he squeaked, “Hold the phone!  He’s got piercings where?”

 “Yeah,” I nodded, “Three of them.”

 “In his dick?”

“In his dick.”

 “Why?” Julian whined, “Why, in God’s green Earth, would anyone even consider doing something like that? What kind of drugs do you have to be on?”

 “So, you’re saying you’re not pro dick piercing?” I assumed, getting more liquid latex.

 “No!” he put his foot down, “I am not pro dick piercing!  That makes mine hurt just thinking about it!  I don’t care how drunk I am or how full of painkillers I might be, but nothing could ever make me consider piercing my dick.  That doesn’t even sound pleasant.  Imagine having sex with those in!  You’re balls deep and out of nowhere, she’s bleeding and you have to be the one that’s all, ‘Sorry, babe.  My dick ring cut into the sides of your vagina.  My bad!’  No fucking way.  Then, there’s the act of actually getting it done!  What kind of person says yes to giving someone a dick piercing?  What kind of sick, twisted, sadistic mother fucker agrees to that?  No. Not happening.  Not in a million years.”

 “Did you know they make tongue rings that vibrate?” I tried getting the vein in his forehead to go back, “I’m sure they can go where dick rings go.”

 “I just can’t…” Julian gagged, “The pain outweighs the result.  I understand Noiz is a fictional character, but still.  That’s just…That’s wrong.  Even if you put in the vibrating tongue rings.  There are better ways of satisfying whoever you’re getting cuddly with. That is not one of them.  Can we change the subject before I start crying from phantom pain, please?”

 “I bet I could make you feel better,” I assured, switching brushes.

 “Do tell.” At this point, I think Julian was willing to try just about anything.  Aside from piercing his dick.  I’m pretty sure he made it quite clear that was off the table.

 “Sekai de,” I started singing, “Ichiban o hime-sama.  Sou iu atsukai kororo-ete…Yo ne?”

 “No,” Julian stopped me, “Don’t you Miku me.  Don’t you start with the World is Mine.”

 “Aww,” I pouted, “Why not?”

 “Because little lead to the creepy otaku in me coming out,” he confessed, “And you don’t want to see that. I’m talking the asthmatic, breathing over you in the middle of the night, stealing your underpants kind of thing.”

 “You know,” I said, “If you wanted a pair of my underpants, all you had to do was ask.  No need to sneak into my bedroom and watch me sleep.”

 “Seriously?” Julian gave me a look, “It’d be that easy?”

 Because once I get comfortable around someone, I have absolutely no shame, I put my brushes down, reached up my skirt, and shimmied my panties down my legs, spinning them on my finger, “See?  All you had to do was ask.”

 “My God, woman,” his eyes grew wider, “I think I love you.”

 “It’s not like you’re going to force me into anything,” I giggled, “I know better.  You’re not that kind of guy.”

 “How do you know?”

 “Because it damn near happened to you today,” I reminded him, “I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want me to go through the same thing.  Either that or I’m just really trusting.”

 “A girl like you should be careful,” Julian warned, “Some people may try to take advantage of that overly trusting nature of yours.”

 “But you’re not one of them,” I assured, putting my underwear back on, “Julian, if I was to walk aimlessly across the street, I’d completely trust you to be the one to get me out of any oncoming traffic.  You just come off very trustable.”

 “Wow, Mimi,” he smiled, “I’m honored.”

 “You should be,” I looked his new face over, “I think we’re good.  You want me to throw some fake piercings on, too?”

 “Surprise me.”

 “Fine,” I started poking through the nearly dried liquid latex around his eyebrow, putting two rings in and put a little more on the bridge of his nose, smoothing it out enough to make him still look human, “If you were to actually get a piercing here, it helps clear your sinuses.”

 “Really?” he thought it over, “Not sure if I could pull something like that off, but maybe this would be a good trial run?”

 “Noiz has one,” I swooned, “Then again, Noiz has more piercings than God knows what to do with.”

 “Noiz has piercings in his dick,” Julian cringed, “I lost a little respect for him.  Although, being able to take the pain enough to do it three times, I must admit that is pretty metal.”

 “It is,” I agreed with him, debating whether to spoil a little piece of the anime by telling him Noiz can’t feel pain, “There.  You have two piercings in your right eyebrow and one between them.  Congratulations, Julian.  You have a new face.”

 “I don’t know,” he looked himself over in the mirror, “I’m still kind of hot.  But approachable.  Like the kid you were best friends with throughout grade school, but he moved around seventh grade and you don’t see him again until sophomore year of high school.  His family moves back to town and puberty hit him like a ton of bricks.  But you can still see a little bit of the kid you knew all those years ago.  Only he’s going through a phase with all the piercings.”

 “You see the world in an odd way,” I admitted, “But I can see where you’re coming from.”

 “See?” he popped me in the shoulder, “Do I not?”

 “Yeah, you do.”

 “I’m still a babe,” Julian’s ego grew, “But an approachable babe.”

 “Someone really needs to knock you down a peg or two,” I rolled my eyes.

 “If it can get the soccer moms to get off my dick,” he chuckled darkly, “I’ll take it.”

 “You’re welcome,” I started putting things back where they belonged, “Don’t lose the rings, though. I’m going to need them for when we do Koujaku and Noiz.  And Koujaku doesn’t having any piercings.”

 “Unless he’s got them in his dick, too.”

 “No,” I assured, “Koujaku doesn’t have any hidden special piercings.  I promise.  That’s only a Noiz thing.  Although, Noiz does ask Aoba at one point if he’d ever think about getting a piercing for him.  But I don’t remember if that was a fan art or official canon.  Pretty sure it was official.”

 “Nerd,” Julian gave me a shove.

 “Really?” I gave him a look, “Pot?  Kettle? Says the guy with a pair of katanas on his living room wall?”

 “That’s for home protection!” he defended, “If some asshole decides to break in my house in the middle of the night, then I can yank them off the wall and protect myself.”

 “You’d stab a man with your katanas?”

 “Hell yeah, I would!”

 “Alright, crazy guy,” I closed my case up, “Am I coming back tomorrow morning to do this again?”

 “If it’s not too much trouble.”

 “Not at all,” I promised, “I’ll be here at five o'clock.”

 “I’ll be waiting.”

 I threw my hoody back on and left Julian’s house to take my long, treacherous journey back to my house in the dark.  Dammit.  I really hoped it would’ve still been a little light out by the time I left.  At least he’ll only take about forty-five minutes to make approachably hot.  So we had that going for us.

 But my God.  This guy was a complete dork.  And an absolute whirlwind.  I swear to God, he was like a Tasmanian devil in skinny jeans.  But I was really starting to like him.  I wasn’t sure how much, but maybe we could be that special kind of relationship that I’ve seen in every anime ever.  Maybe I was the Haruhi to his Tamaki…But who knows?