#i didnt realize how damaging it was until i got out of it and started questioning faith

[skipp3r]

I wish the catholic church wasnt a piece of shit liar bitch

[hannieehaee]

hi!!!! im wondering if you could do a story about idol mingyu, idol reader, and a story about how mingyu couldnt control himself after seeing his girlfriend perform a hot performance on an end of the year award show because she looked stunning, and he also then accidentally reveals their relationship. TYSM!!💞

content: idol!mingyu x idol!reader, established relationship, secret relationship, mingyu is a simp, afab reader, public embarrassment (not really), part of my lil idol!mingyu universe (even though ive created three separate aus of it oops), dry humping, penetrative sex, mentions of fingering, etc.

wc: 1429

a/n: thank u for requesting i love writing idol aus hehe hope u enjoy <3

original fic

masterlist

as a seasoned idol, mingyu was expected by now to have a pristine ability hold restraint in any and every public situation that required it.

there were certain ways in which he was expected to act while in the public eye.

for instance, he could never outwardly express discomfort at the few awkward fancalls he had to participate in. nor could he show dislike towards the few members of the industry he didn't quite get along with.

but above all, he was absolutely never to wear the lust he felt for you on his face in such a public setting.

especially not during an awards show that was being streamed internationally.

even more so while the camera was focused on seventeen for their reactions of your performance.

but mingyu was just a man after all. a man who was thoroughly and proudly obsessed with you.

except this was meant to be a secret kept between the two of you (and maybe a few other people you had let in on the secret).

so mingyu immediately knew he was fucked the moment your set had begun and you came out wearing the tiniest little number he had ever seen. it hugged your body perfectly, highlighting his favorite parts in the most delicious ways.

it might've been fine if that had been it, but your pretty outfit was also accompanied by the most sinful of sets he had ever seen you do.

watching you grind and twist yourself in ways that reminded him of the many hours spent between the sheets with you was just not something mingyu knew how to witness without it eliciting a reaction out of him.

and sadly for mingyu, his face told every single one of his emotions.

his droopy and lustful eyes said everything they needed to say on their own, but they were also accompanied by the constant biting and licking of his lips as he watched you.

the one thing he didn't realize, however, was that the camera had been on him that whole time, airing his reactions to your performance for everyone out there to see. it had even managed to capture the gruttal groan he'd let out the moment you started grinding sensually on the floor (in a fashion similar to the way you did to him so many times before).

it wasn't until one boo seungkwan kicked him from under the table to get him to react like something other than an animal in heat and clap for you like a normal human being.

but the damage was done, and now so he felt extremely self conscious for the remainder of the show, not knowing what type of rumors to expect to see the following morning.

for now, though, his priority was to catch you during the intermediate time between your show and that of his own group. fortunately for him, there was one group going between your group and his, allowing him a believable excuse to head backstage with his members and go astray as he looked for you before your own group had to head back.

without so much as a single word, he grabbed you by the arm and dragged you to the nearest empty room he could find, immediately locking the two of you in there as his eyes got a fill on you in your current ensemble; the main instigator of this whole predicament.

"gyu, what the hell are you-"

"no talking. fuck. please, just-" there was genuine desperation in his words. his frantic eyes showed how badly he wanted you, but he didnt even know where to start. so he let his body take control of his actions.

it started with a rough yet sensual kiss against your lips as his hands got a feel of your body. he groped and caressed every inch of you, his lust growing more and more by the second.

"made me make a fool of myself out there, baby," he grunted, lips now trailing down your exposed shoulder, making their way up and down your neck with wet kisses, "couldnt keep my eyes off you the whole time."

"g-gyu," you were defeated against him, allowing your body to be handled however he wanted as long as he kept touching you. he relished on this.

"they saw everything. the way i couldnt keep my eyes off of you ... the way one single look at you can get me on my knees in one instant, fuck", he uncovered as much of your body as he could, raising your skirt while lowering your shirt, "they all know how much i want you."

but you didnt process nor care for his words as he ground his solid member against your now bare cunt (sans some very thin seamless panties that accompanied your skirt), completely lost to the delirious feeling his cock gave you even through his pants.

he kept whispering in your ear just how badly you'd affected him just now, how everyone now knew how pretty you must look when you ride him – all while he hastily lowered his pants and moved your own panties aside, plunging inside as soon as you gave him the okay.

"f-fuck ... feel so fucking good, baby," he breathed against your ear.

he lifted one of your legs up, wrapping it around his waist in order to get a better angle as he thrust desperately into you. the praises leaving his mouth never stopped, only getting less and less intelligible as his arousal grew.

"o-oh, gyu ... right there ..."

"there? fuck ... baby likes it when i fuck her right there?", his taunts were followed by harsher thrusts, causing your nails to dig into his bare arms, "a-ah, shit! 'm baby's gonna leave her mark on me, huh? yeah ... go ahead, pretty. let everyone know i'm yours .."

"m-mine!"

"mhm, gorgeous, just like you're all mine," he opted to carry you now, holding you up against the wall as he moved your body to his pleasing, "fuck, wish i could mark you. show everyone who you belong to," he buried his face in your neck, simply opting to breathe in your scent as he landed soft kisses on the length of your neck.

"do it!," you begged mindlessly, "please? wan' everyone t-to know 'm yours," you babbled.

"fuck," he groaned before following your direction and beginning to nip at the naked skin of your neck. quickly he left a few blossoms of red on your skin, knowing that the moment you went out there, people would be able to spot a few from afar.

with his face buried in your neck, he timed himself so he could orgasm with you, having mastered the art of playing with your clit just at the right time to synchronize your highs.

mingyu stayed glued to you for a while, unwilling to let go as he panted against your neck, attempting to even out his breathing.

"how are you gonna go and perform out there completely out of breath and with scratches on your shoulders?", you giggled.

"i ... oh, fuck."

it was too late for him to realize that although you wouldn't be too scrutinized for your disheveled appearance due to your performance being over with, he, on the other hand, would still have to go out there and dance in front of a huge audience. the error of his ways was lost on him the moment he hardened under his pants at the mere sight of you dancing.

but hell, it had been worth it.

"baby, just ask your stylist for a jacket, okay?", you disconnected from him, knowing it was almost time for him to perform.

you pulled your clothes back together, wincing at the feeling of his cum dripping out of you and grabbing some nearby napkins to clean yourself as much as possible, as well as him. once the two of you were presentable, you gave your boyfriend a kiss for goodluck and headed back to your seat while mingyu walked over to his members backstage.

though no dramatic dating scandal broke out that day, various rumors questioning mingyu's lustful eyes during your performance began sparking up, with some people making the connection in the timeline of his mishap and your sudden reappearance in the crowd, with a messy, post-sex look accompanying both you and mingyu.

despite hybe ignoring any and every article insinuating anything between the two of you, you had now created a subsection of fans who were dedicated to unveiling what they were sure (and correct) was a secret love affair between the two of you.

[dottybot]

Lost housing and almost killed by our landlords

(Twice)

C*sh app: $dottybot

V*nmo: @dottybot

@translesbo's Paypal: huront499@gmail.com

My partner, @translesbo, and I after signing a lease, were put through 2 big gas leaks during times we had planned on and had been close to sleeping in the apartment. The entire time the place made us sick and was hard to breathe in with a strong awful smell and remained unihabitable, causing us to be without a home since July 3rd, 2023 due to it.

We are a brown latine lesbian couple and both trans (her transfem and myself tme cafab) and autistic along with other disabilities, and have 2 esa cats.

The whole time during the lease, the landlord would excuse the lack of cleanliness and poor maintenance of the building with that it was an old building, deny things she once acknowledge, and imply that we were just lying or causing the problems and even giving us trouble with getting out of the lease. But before that it led up to 2 big gas leaks.

To not make the post appear too lengthy, the rest is under a cut.

So the 1st gas leak, we were earlier sure about taking and about to load up the cats with us to all attempt sleeping there for the night, only last minute getting the feeling like we should not bring them and then deciding not to. Once in the apartment, we were there, windows shut the entire time, for 3+ hours. I went from the regular struggle to breath, head pain, and sickly feel to escalating much more and becoming very out of it, struggling to stay awake to beginning to feel so out of control, and I never would have guess we were being poisoned due to the state it had already put me in. Kat only noticed by chance, the smell of gas by the oven, when she was just starting to feel more off, which we otherwise wouldn't have spotted with how strong the place smelled. We were so close to not noticing it at all.

Kat had been barely able to drive but got us to the nearby ER, and doctors confirmed the gas poisoning, and kept us there for 3 or 4 hours through the night until recovered enough, fortunately due to it being short term, we had no lasting damage on our bodies, just both felt very ill the next day, and myself barely able to move I remained sick from it for 3 days.

That morning, Kat had contacted the gas company as the doctors suggested, though they could not do anything as we followed the leases direction and were not notified during the event, so no one but the apartment maintenance would be able to even confirm it happening. However, the fire departmen came with a firetruck, since it was also recommended by the doctor to get the place checked out by them.

The landlord later called, after us updating her of current apartment issues promptly as per lease requirements, and this call she went too far. She kept up with her same tactics but worse. She tried implying either we made up that there was a leak or we intentionally gave ourselves gas poisoning (like we were still very sick from the previous night) and was then many times claiming everything is fine with the maintenance man the landlord insists "he knows what he's doing" and "no one has ever had a problem with him", because we had included our concerns with him-- this guy had tried making kat sound like she overreacted and didn't know anything, kept claiming that "Gas does Not spread" so we should have been fine, not having any effects of poisoning, along with other contrary claims.

Anyways, the landlord lady was very clearly implying she thinks we are liars about there even being a gas leak, implying we didnt contact the gas and fire department which she claimed to "work closely with so they wouldn't lie, because she contacted the places and no one had documentation since maintenance was the only one to witness, it was her word against ours. This is when we realize due to the lease instructions to forgo contact to a third party professional to fix gas leaks, we would not be able to have paper documentation against her to prove it. She even "randomly" asked the name of our previous apartment place, and mentioned threatening like "didnt you have a gas leak there too?" As even more reason to accuse us, and saying she may have to contact our previous apartment place and saying how odd she thinks it was to have another leak, though this one worse,

On the 3rd day, after the 1st leak I was still feeling ill only starting to recover, the 2nd leak happened. this time we had to bring our cats with us, since we had no where else to stay with our previous lease over, and the apartment still uninhabitable and made us both more sickly, and still feared being there.

Earlier in that day, we were reassured multiple times that it was fixed and that "the stove SHOULD be putting out a gas smell for the next hour or 2", and that it means it's "Fixed, working" the maintenance man kept insisting, even the landlord lady was there strongly confirming multiple times it was true because "he Knows what he is doing" again, even confirming therepair was checked later in the day to make sure there was no leak and that it was safe.

We were afraid to go back after the 1st leak after how badly to us at least it seemed to be pouring out earlier in the day and their claim that it was supposed to be that way, but it was the only option we had.

We were unsure if we were just overreacting for a while and imagining the smell, it was several hours laters with all windows having been left open, though eventually calling our gas company this time to get proper documentation and a professional, since the smell had not diminished.

Kat was told by the gas man that gas was shooting out, and he's seen fires breakout from similar.. so we had to get Out.

Which led to us being homeless and having to sleep in the car and soon after, we were fortunately able to stay at Kat's parents house though they do not have space for us, keeping us and our cats in her nephew's small cramped room, with Kat sleeping on a broken bed that is messing with her scoliosis, and me havung to sleep on the floor for over a month now really taking a toll on me. And our cats have been under constant stress, making them require more care and expense.

This whole thing has made me lose my job, has been traumatic for us both, and lose easily over $2,500 into cost of the apartment and our repairs alone, and $250 on an attourney that did not try to help much but was able to get us out of the lease. On top of kat recently being wrongfully stopped by a cop for a made up reason, giving her a $135 ticket, along with having to take a 5 week un paid leave of absence to be able to help deal with our situation. And we can no longer put off car repairs, we have put off this whole year since it sputters most of the time instead of starting now along with other concerning issues.

We have currently been trying to find better jobs and a place to live, though due to the unstable living situation and and loss of income it has been more difficult to find a place.

So, any mutua*aid if you have the means and any reblogs would really help and be appreciated a ton

[brianlesshetaliawritings]

Can you do yandere canada and russia after they stop their darling from escape with a bit of violence like broken bone? Like how they treat y/n after that

Yandere Canada and Russia after breaking his darling's leg. (to stop them escaping)

would it be bad to say im excited to write this? idk. i got to thinking and decided i'll go with a broken leg if ya don't mind, sorry. also, sorry again for taking so long. and also like, sorry if this sucks ass??.. i didnt pass writing class if you can tell. but uhh.. ya, this is probably really bad so im sorry. :( another note: I JUST FUCKING REALIZED THAT THIS WAS PROBABLY A REQUEST FOR AFTERWARDS OH MY GOD IM STUPID I WAS GONNA WRITE THE WHOLE PROCESS AND SHIT😭 I NEVER READ SHIT ALL THE WAY ISTG

tw: violence, broken bones, abuse, force feeding, similar stuff

!! yandere content. if you can't handle any behavior possibly seen in a yandere please don't read this. !! (example; obsessive, stalkery, possessive, violent, or generally horrid behaviour.)

Canada

Canada honestly hated having to do this, but he really felt like he had to. That and he was just really pissed. Like a lot. Like screaming, hitting, and punching type pissed. But, again, doesn't like seeing you hurt.

After he absolutely destroyed your lower calf and beat you for a while he spent a minute staring at you, a bit in a daze, until eventually suddenly snapping out it and quickly bringing you home to properly care for the damage he has afflicted upon you.

He was way gentle afterwards, bandaging and disinfecting the wounds with much care and as thuroughly as possible. Though, it was clear he wasn't just going to let this off the hook with the way he decided to directly tie you to a hook on the wall, with very little wiggle room and no way to move more than maybe a foot.

Your progress in all the freedom you acquired was not only reset, but even worse than where you first got here. It's uncomfortable, even with the pilow he provided you. You're no longer allowed to have your hands free in general, and he has to feed you instead of letting you do it yourself. When you need to use the restroom you have two minutes in there until he starts asking what you're doing in there.

It wasn't really all that painful though outside of the ache of the previous abuse he made you endure. That and the occasional ache from the limitted positions you have at your disposal, don't worry though. Every three days he'll switch your spot so you'll at the very least have a different view to look at. In general, he isn't the worst to have, but definitely not the quickest to forget. You'll be stuck doing this for another month or two before he even considers giving you the slightest of freedoms.

Russia

Ivan is not nearly as lenient as Canada. Hell, after he beats the life out of you, probably breaking more than just your leg, he decides to lock you up in the basement—the cold, empty basement. He drags you to the stairs, shoves you down, and locks the door before ditching you for the next day or so.

Eventually, though, he returns, purely to ensure you don't die. You've been bad, but he'd never want you dead. It would be a lonely world without you by his side. His hands roughly push you around as he wraps you up in bandages and drenches your wounds, rubbing the stuff off with a washcloth afterward. He forces you to be tied up in a position where the majority of your bones will heal correctly, besides the leg. If the leg is messed up, that'll make any future attempts all the harder for you, which is what he wants.

Once he's done with that, it'll be another two days. No food, no water, no warmth, no him. Just sitting in the basement without pain medicine, starving, perhaps freezing, as he does nothing to help you with frostbite or hypothermia. Though, as expected, he returns yet again, and this time with food. The force-feeding will be rough, and you'll likely choke a couple of times, but honestly, it's better than you having been starving earlier.

This will be your life for two or so weeks, rotting in the basement, with your only human interaction being when you need to eat or maybe even for the restroom. The good news, though, is that Russia isn't a very patient man. Even if he's frustrated, he misses you a lot. So you'll be freed rather quickly compared to Canada, funny enough. Or at least, freed from the basement, that is.

Don't take this as him forgetting, though. Oh no, he remembers. You're only this lucky because he loves you, okay? You'll never know any of the freedoms you might've had in the past, and you're pretty much stuck with being tied or trapped for the rest of your miserable life. The only thing that'll really change is just the quality of how he'll treat you, the comfort in which you'll be provided, and your setting. So have fun, dear reader, and good luck. You'll need it.

[hockybish]

going so far that she gave back her beloved Buggy

(when they get older)

she gave buggy back and jack didnt give it back to her this time, lola was so heartbroken because him giving it back to her meant they were on good terms. eventually they are okay but he still doesn’t give buggy back.

when jack goes to jersey he unintentionally takes buggy with him and once he realizes it he keeps it but in the back of his closet and forgets about it.

one day jack is cleaning the back of his closet out and finds it and just thinks about the stuff animal and how he gave it to her and how close they used to be. he thinks about how he really messed his relationship up with his little sister.

:(

oh. this made me cry.

he wants to give back to her too. or at the very least he thinks he should give it back. so he puts in a box of things he's planning on bringing to the lake house that summer. jack forgets about buggy again and the box of things gets shoved in the attic.

in the coming years the hughes family out grows that lake house. all four kids chip in for a newer, bigger one that fits everyone and then some. everything from the previous house, including buggy's box gets brought to the new home and put in either the attic or the garage.

fast forward a few years to a small christmas break that the nhl gives them, the whole hughes clan, ellen and jim plus four kids and their significant others along with five grand babies, meet for a quick celebration in michigan before play resumes again.

lola's pregnant, her and mason do a little gender reveal sort of thing, were they both had pucks filled with colored powder. once they were hit, pink powder flew everywhere. they were going to have a little girl.

the whole family was excited. and jack had an idea. he just needed to find it first. when got back home, he searched the entirety of the new jersey place only to come up empty. jack really hoped he didn't accidentally get rid of it.

the ducks were still in the race for the cup when baby girl was born. luke and his family went to anaheim to meet the little girl, while the others were already at the lake house and opted to wait until after the ducks won, when lola and mason and baby could come to michigan to meet her.

jack still hadn't found the stuffy and was about to give up when he went digging around in the garage of the lake house. it was in one of the last boxes, a little worn and damaged from years of sitting there in a box. jack found someone to restore it and buggy arrived just in for their arrival.

"this is for baby lacey, i know how much it meant to you, it's only right she should have it." jack gave buggy to the new baby, and by extension lola.

"oh my, buggy? you kept it? after all these years? i thought you just threw it away." lola tried not to start crying at the gesture, but her eyes betrayed her and liquid dripped from them.

"i, thank you jack. you don't know how much this means to me" she got up, baby lacey still in her arms and hugged her brother.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA, (or, was I) for only taking one cat with me?

will explain the title as i go. also, this is about something that happened like a year ago but it still weights on my mind. backstory-ish first, so sorry for the length of the text.

I (20+) moved out a little more than a year ago to my first own apartment. My siblings moved out before i did, so now my moms living with only her boyfriend and the remaining cats. We had four cats before i moved out, all of which are allowed to go outside (i know, outdoor cats, they have been all my life and i didnt realize the danger they were in & being for the local environment when i was a kid). My new apartment is on the second floor. When i moved out, i decided to take one cat with me, because he really kind of imprinted on me since he was a baby and would constantly follow me around. And while i didnt like the thought of forcing an in&outdoor cat to suddenly only be indoors in a smaller space than our house was, i figured it would be fine if its him.

one of our other cats, which we got a few years after we got the cat i took with me, also really liked to spend time in my room and with cat 1. We got cat 2 from the animal shelter after his previous owner, an old lady, got dementia and had to give him away.

my mom and her boyfriend suggested i take both cats with me and not just one. i didnt want to for a few reasons:

(1. i wasnt sure how much cat 2 would like suddenly being an indoor cat in a smaller space bc he spent like 50% of his time outside and the other 50 in my room, 2. i wasnt sure if the apartment would be big enough for two cats 3. i wasnt sure how hed adjust to yet another new living place, because he took some time adjusting when we got him from the shelter and would meow/yell a lot when no one was with him until he got used to his new home. when i moved out i was about to start a new job training-ish thing which required me to not be home for some hours 5 days a week so the cats would be on their own a lot. and reason 4., which is were i felt kinda selfish: cat 1 is a shorthair cat and cat 2 a maine coon so all my clothes and stuff would be full of hair all the time, even when we tried to prevent it. i didnt really care as a child growing up bc we had a lot of long hair cats but i was kinda thinking that a new space with less cat hairs on everything would also be kinda nice)

i only told my mom and her bf reason 1, 2 & 3 bc i felt like a dick for reason 4. i love all of our cats a lot and leaving any of them at my moms place was really difficult because i was just so used of them always being there all my life. my mom told me after i moved out that cat 2 was still around my old room a lot and started spending even more time outside bc me and cat 1 weren't there anymore. and while hed start purring and cuddling when they pet him outside, he wouldnt spend time with them on their laps or on the couch a lot bc hed just get up and go somewhere else a lot of times.

thats kind of the backstory for this.

now for the (additional) reason i feel like i could be the asshole: my mom and her bf started going on trips a lot like 2-3 years ago, and he only moved in once i had moved out. so whenever they were on trips or she was visiting him, id take care of the cats and cuddle and play with them. once i moved out, they redid parts of the house (kitchen & bath) and got a lot of furniture from her bfs home. her bf likes the cats too, but he doesnt want them to be inside the house that much when they arent there bc he thinks they shed hair everywhere and could damage his furniture or something? so when they went on their next few trips, the 3 remaining cats would mostly be outside with access to a kind of sunroom? attached to the house. and either my grandparents or a friend of my mom would come and feed the cats every day.

me and my siblings didnt really like them suddenly having to be outside so much when it was normal for them to be inside the house even when we weren't home for all of our lives before that and told our mom too (by now she has seen our point and convinced her bf to let them be inside more so its getting better over time. but i wish we would have gotten our point across sooner.)

during one of their trips near christmas last year, when one of her friends was taking care of the cats, cat 2, the maine coon, disappeared. we dont know if he ran away or someone took him because his fur is so pretty or if he got into an accident. my whole family was really sad about him being gone and kept hoping hed come back and asked around irl and online if anyone had seen him. to this day, he hasnt been found. and i know that thats a (unnecessary) risk you take with outdoor cats. and that it was my moms and her bfs decision to keep the cats mostly outside and go on 1-3 week-long trips. but i still blame myself for not just taking him with me to my new apartment. looking back on it, all the reasons i had dont seem to have any weight at all and if i had taken him with me, hed still be around and id know hes healthy and doing good. and he wouldnt have been separated from me and his cat buddy.

so, was i the asshole for not just taking him with me to my new place when i moved out?

pet tax (in order):

What are these acronyms?

[spearxwind]

not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

[blizzardstarx]

Gingerheart/star of (AU) ThunderClan! @castiels-destiny

A fiery blaze will unite the clans,

A messenger of StarClan brings new hope.

Fun fact her name was Gingersnap for some reason and until someone pointed out that it was a type of cookies 😭😭😭 (i sort of registered it in my brain when i made it that name but i didnt remember what exactly were they)

Anyways her backstory is based off a bunch of roleplays i did, Gingerkit was born to Sandbreeze (originally it was Sandstorm I think, but i changed it to not cause confusion with the other TC Sandstorm) and had two other littermates, Tigerkit, Songkit, and Whitekit. (all were played by diff people, idk if those were their original names)

One night, a rogue named Shade came into ThunderClan camp and started to kidnap (kitnap?) them one by one, Songkit, then Whitekit, who managed to escape, and then one day when Tigerkit and Gingerkit were together, the rogue grabbed her by the scruff. However, Gingerkit managed to get her claws on his face and he let go, dropping her. She scrambled to tell her mother, but she didn't believe her, and the rogue got away.

Sandbreeze then realized that Songkit was missing, and a patrol had found her dead body, drowned in a river. And after all her remaining kits told her about the same rogue, she finally believed them.

When it was time for her to become an apprentice, Gingerkit wanted to be a medicine cat apprentice because she would constantly hang around the medicine den and learn about herbs, as well as having dreams from StarClan, of the prophecy (at the top). She was told she couldn't because there were too many, Featherleg and Bluepaw were already the medicine cats. (Also Featherleg recieved that prophecy during Dappledfur/star’s leadership ceremony)

She was apprenticed to Honeyfur, and after a moon, the medicine cats had gone missing. (i have no clue where they went in the rp, they just disappeared and came back a long time after) Dappledstar decided that instead of borrowing a medicine cat from another clan, she would appoint Gingerpaw as a new medicine cat. A few moons later, the medicine cats returned, and Gingerpaw was made a warrior apprentice one more. Her littermates became warriors faster than her, due to the lost time. A few moons after she became warrior, she would have an apprentice.

During gatherings, she would make friends with all sorts of cats from other clans, and disliked the fighting between the clans. After a particularly harsh leaf-bare and during a famine, Gingerheart had another dream, of a StarClan cat telling her of the prophecy again, and Gingerheart realized the need of a messenger, someone that could be fast and provide resources like herbs to the other clans. When a medicine cat wasn't fast enough. She was the messenger of StarClan, and she must unite the clans.

She told Dappledstar and Cloudripple (the deputy) about this idea, and they agreed. She did have experience with herbs, and she was fast. Gingerheart would also resolve conflicts with other clans as well, and at the next gathering, they announced this new role named ambassador. (the mediator role was created after i created the ambassador role...)

She would travel amongst the clans and do her job, until one day she was hunting a squirrel. Gingerheart caught the squirrel, landing in the middle of a thunderpath, her left leg outstretched, when suddenly she noticed a monster driving towards her. She tried to scramble away, but it was too late, crushing her left front leg and damaging it out of repair.

Gingerheart had to spend many moons resting in the medicine den, but she didn't give up, exercising and learning to overcome her disability, wanting to return to her role as she knew cats needed her help.

She eventually does, and during one trip, she discovered some loners living in barn. Gingerheart meets a loner named Eclipse and her family, noticing how they treated her badly, belittling her and making her an outcast. (they’re canonically homophobic)

She would stay there for a few days because of a storm, and they were friendly and welcoming to her. Gingerheart also falls in love with Eclipse during her stay. Gingerheart tells them of clan life, and Eclipse is interested, wanting to leave her family, who protest. Eclipse tells Gingerheart that she had weird dreams of a fiery cat saving her, and she would rescue Eclipse from her family, adventuring back to ThunderClan.

They get attacked by a fox, and they fight it off, but they get injured. Gingerheart knew that they were close to ThunderClan camp, so she carried Eclipse on her back, fighting through her injuries, despite Eclipse’s protests. They get to the camp, and Gingerheart collapses, waking up later in the medicine cat den to Blueflower scolding her, as well as Eclipse and her littermates looking at her with concern.

After she heals from her injuries, she tells Dappledstar about Eclipse’s wishes, and she makes her a warrior, despite some cats protesting. Eclipse and Gingerheart become mates.

After a few moons, a threat comes to the clans as cats start to die and get sick mysteriously. Gingerheart recieves a sign from StarClan of deathberries sitting in the center of a five pointed leaf and shows it to Blueflower, who interprets it as something poisoning the clans. The clans argue with each other, accusing each other of poisoning their prey, leading to a fight at the gathering. Gingerheart and other warriors try to get them to stop, but they continue, until StarClan clouds the moon, bringing rain and thunder as lightning strikes one of the trees, ending the gathering.

Gingerheart eventually figures out it was the Twolegs poisoning the prey and polluting the water, leading to the sickness and deaths. However, the clans were in a war, and she had to get the help of her friends from the other clans, convincing them and showing them her evidence, and them convincing their leaders.

Cloudripple becomes leader after Dappledstar loses her last life during one of the battles. He offers Gingerheart the role of deputy, but she refuses. Seasons pass, and she’s offered it multiple times as deputies change, until finally, she gives in, becoming deputy but also still being ambassador.

Seasons pass, diseases, threats, rogues try to take down the clans but they stay strong. Cloudstar passes, and Gingerheart becomes the new leader of ThunderClan.

One day, Eclipse and Gingerstar recieve a message from StarClan.

Go back to the forest, and follow the northern warrior in the sky. Find the three lost clans and dispell the darkness plaguing them before it spreads to the lake.

The prophecy is about StormClan, StoneClan, and SunClan of course, and they have to travel back to the forest territory and north of it to find the three clans. They must follow the North Star Polaris and fight the group of rogues naming themselves DarkClan who are killing the clan cats.

okay holy shit that was long asf

heres old art of Gingerstar and also Eclipse

[beesmygod]

do you mind talking about what made effexor so bad for you? also where can I read about this streamer fake death lol

all the stuff on thedarkid is on SA in the sagas thread lol. i would prefer not to post a link bc the quality of new posters is at an all time low on that website and i dont want to contribute to the problem.

AS FOR EFFEXOR: i am prefacing this with the fact that this is my personal experience as a result of my body chemistry. effexor might work for some people with different body chemistry. my suggestion would be to try everything else first before resorting to this one and to be ready to feel really, really bad when discontinuing it.

i got off effexor because the negatives of taking it finally outweighed the positives and the problem i had been taking it for was no longer relevant. this will make me sound ridiculous so keep in mind i took crazy meds for this exact problem, but after we bought and moved into the house, i started having nightly panic attacks and weeping fits over both the decadence of my new non-renter lifestyle (which was materially going to impact the quality of my work and how i viewed reality) and the fact that i had taken a really big step toward commitment without having resolved the source of my deep social anxiety. i could realize how i was behaving and reacting was not normal and until i could get a therapist to address it, i was going to have to put a bandaid on it.

effexor flattened my emotions and my affect lol. this is really, really good for when you cannot reach a baseline of normality. this became bad when that flatness turned into apathy and started sliding into my day to day life. doing basic household chores became a daily struggle. then i started not making my deadlines on time because i completely lost the will to draw, which actively began to terrify me. and then once i started struggling to bathe and brush my teeth i was like "okay. something is really really wrong". so then i started the process of getting off.

that's the broad overview. i did not realize the extent of the damage it was causing me until i started getting it out of my system:

my sleep schedule was destroyed bc it gave me terrible insomnia.

night sweats. NIGHT SWEATS.

theres been a rash on my face for over a year that ive thrown EVERYTHING at to try to get rid of, thinking it was anything from lupus to a yeast infection. it turns out its just caused by the pill. it goes away when theres less in my system o_o

my lip was also split for a year. my gums were covered in sores. and the inside of my nose felt like someone put a weed whacker in there and sliced it up. huge scabs. constantly in tiny flecks of pain. miserable but not unbearable, you know?

pussy felt like sandpaper.

i didnt even notice this until later but it also made me fail to derive pleasure from the touch of another person. but like i wanted to. if someone held me or squeezed my hand it felt almost painful. shit made no sense but you just think "this isnt how its supposed to feel? whats wrong with me?". but like that's over. it stopped. it feels good again.

food tasted bad. and i dont mean no flavor i mean BAD. i say this a lot but i cannot understate how fucked it made my palate. its normal again thank god. i have a bag of coffee that tastes different depending on when the last time i took a pill was. i spent the last year complaining about how bad processed food tastes now like all companies decided to make their product bad instead of something being wrong with me specifically. but when adam's cooking started to taste bad i was like "wait. what? thats not possible". lol thanks honey for helping me realize....

this one is really weird: it would cause specific parts of my body to feel stiff. the worst and most chronic part was the small of my lower back, which felt pulled taught so tight it was uncomfortable. then it spread to the fingers of my right hand, causing me to have to stop every few minutes and scrunch my fingers to try to alleviate it. this symptom only returns after i take a dose now. it makes me thrash like a fish trying to get comfortable at night

[lohstandfound]

pinkberry 4 6 32?

4. How did they first meet?

My thoughts switch between as kids starting school or in middle school. I like to think Chloe latched onto Brooke quickly, becoming her first real close friend after Jake.

I have a thing with Chloe, Brooke, and Jake being an inseparable trio. Their climb to popularity, especially towards high school, was spearheaded by Chloe but the other two quite easily went along with it. However, their dynamic gets switched up in high school, especially when Jake and Chloe start dating, and Brooke begins to resent Jake.

6. When did they realize they loved each other?

Leading on from my last point, Brooke realised sometime after Chloe and Jake got together. I've said it before, Brooke begins to resent Jake because of how he's the only thing Chloe will pay attention to and Brooke wants Chloe to pay attention to her, why can't Chloe look at her the same way? Why can't she be the object of Chloe's attention? Why does she have to be obsessed with Jake? It's sometime during another break up between Jake and Chloe that she realises why she has such a strong resentment to Jake. But, of course, no matter how many break ups they go through Jake is who Chloe wants, so Brooke doesn't tell her.

Brooke tries to pin her feelings on someone else. Suddenly someone is seeing her first, suddenly someone is showing a genuine interest in her, suddenly she develops feelings for him. (Maybe she was trying to pin her feelings for Chloe on someone else, but that doesn't mean she doesn't get hurt when it doesn't end well).

Chloe didn't realise how much she loved Brooke until she almost lost her. I am firm on that. She spent so long chasing an idealised version of what her life could be, trying to live out those high school rom com movies and fairytales where the girl always ends up with the boy, and Jake is supposed to be her prince charming, her knight in shining armour. but that didnt work out, of course. and then her best friend refuses to talk to her after all the shitty things she did and suddenly she realises the damage she's caused. and suddenly she realises just how much she needs Brooke. and suddenly she realised just how important Brooke is to her. they have a long way to go, but the only place to start is apologising

32. How do they resolve their arguments?

oohhhh... okay. i think

i think arguments used to get very quickly dismissed and never really resolved at first, with Chloe never really apologising for anything and neither of them really wanting to push the subject matter any further. I think Chloe could be quite snappy and very confrontational, whereas Brooke isn't as confrontational as Chloe, but probably a little passive agressive? is it healthy? absolutely not. it's just one of the many things they had to learn to discuss, something that really came up when brooke had finally had enough post canon and just had a go at her. i havent really thought about this a lotand i dont think im getting it across as well as i would hope

i think post canon, after a particularly bad argument they would leave to cool off before trying again to approach the topic more carefully. less yelling, more of a discussion, more control over their tempers. because that's one thing that never really happened before, the communication. the actually listening to each other

[rivangel]

Hii! Congrats on starting your transition! ❤️ I hope you don’t find this too intrusive, but I really want to know your story with realizing who you really are and taking the steps to get there? (If that makes sense) and how is testosterone treating you? Also, do you still menstruate?

I ask this with curiosity, love and support 🙂

thank youuu<3 yeah i can :)

//tw gender dysphoria. also this is extremely personal just so yk👍

i knew something was off the second i started puberty hahahahahaha(🥲). i was 9 or 10 and didn't know what being transgender was, so, to be shamelessly honest, i refused to wear panties (i even hate that word honestly) and would just go commando until my mom gave in and got me "boy shorts". aka panties with an extra inch.

i hated the idea of bra. actually it made me sick. i couldn’t fucking stand living in my own skin at that point. despite growing them at 10, i was 12 or 13 before i gave in, but it was sports bras.

however there was a very short timeframe between that and learning about being transgender, so i'd do the double sports bra trick + 38943809 layers until i got a chest binder (which i don't remember how or when😭it might've been a loan from a trans friend when i was 13ish.)

never was a fan of makeup, dresses or long hair. funnily,,,,,, the only reason i got my ears pierced when i was like 8 was so i could get out of shopping for easter dresses.

meanwhile my mom wanted my hair long, but also around 8 or 9 i chopped that bitch. i'd chew on it (anxiety) and not brush it until it was like. all in knots so it would get cut. my mom stopped gaf, but everytime i got a short cut it was the cursed pixie cut most transmascs know too well lol, so i had it in a ponytail all the time. never liked it though

there were a lot of reasons i hated my body with every inch of my being, but i did cover up and layer all the time cuz of gender dysphoria. a core memory is going on vacation to florida in summer and sitting in front of a pool wearing jeans and a fucking black jacket😭like are you kidding me

i didnt rly comprehend being transgender (or lgbtq in general really) until i was 12 or 13. growing up on the internet, it continuously shocked me at that age what problems people had with gay people / queer people in general. it was the same for being trans, but i think i labeled myself straight and cis cuz i was already a fucked up individual with fucked up problems and i didnt want any more, especially one as heavy as being trans.

but it was too agonizing not to bind my chest, and i didnt shave my legs or underarms. i did use a nickname but it wasnt gender ambiguous whatsoever and it sucked.

along the way, while i was in choir, for a performance i had to wear a dress and i tried to shave my legs and put on makeup. when i saw pictures i didnt even know who that was, but it was wrong.

that’s not me.

but it has to be.

it's not supposed to be me.

i think i was 14 going into high school when i was like: pronouns? am i gay? chop all my hair off and be a Boy? yeah, and it helped i found a friend group that was queer.

from the very beginning of that, i was a trans guy. i rly don't remember what changed that? i think mainly my gender was a work in progress so nothing was sticking (they/she, they/he, they/them, and such). i think..... my earliest name.... wassss casper? aidan? lol

i got bullied/shamed out of the first name though. this was the mid 2010s where there was a lottttt of transphobia in the trans community.

i'll explain just in case. there were basically two parties: trannies who thought you needed gender dysphoria to be trans (transmedicalists), and trannies who thought you didn't (tucutes). in the former's opinion, there were "normal" trannies who "didnt make it their whole personality". if you didn't want top and bottom surgery + hormones? if you liked dresses or anything remotely fem? — you weren't trans.

you can probably see immediately how damaging this way of thinking is. a youtuber named kalvin garrah was basically the leader of the transmeds or truscum as they'd go on to be called lol, and i watched him religiously for reasons i can’t remember. youtube was still pretty new and it was hard to find youtubers whose channels was about being trans, and kalvin was always transparent about it from what i remember.

so yeah i got it into my mind that i couldnt be a transman bc i didnt fit exactly a transmed’s idea of what being trans means. i didn’t think i wanted bottom surgery for instance, but i was also FUCKING 15?? in no position to even be thinking about that.... and i also had a trans boyfriend at this point and he wasn’t gay so . that contributed. rip.

and like i first said, i got bullied out of being named casper because other queers and even some trannies thought i was being a "transtrender" which ties into all that.

for the bulk of high school and on (like 5 years) i was pretty firmly nonbinary and went by they/them pronouns. but also, there were a lot of reasons i wasn't in touch with my body and self so i was more or less oblivious, and the gender dysphoria blended in with the general self hatred?

yeah so imagine a super realistic robot coasting through life without any higher awareness. i was (dissociating) simply Not There so much that i don't think my personal problems or me in general ever was something i was cognizant of, let alone concerned about.

so that was me from age 17 to 21. i went by it/its pronouns for a while after something bad that happened, but not much change.

it was kind of a fluke really. as far as my gender went i was like 'yeah i’m okay with this whatever' while being objectively depressed, but i was depressed for so long about it that i became used to feeling helpless. didn't give a fuck about outfits, my body, even my hygiene much, and i hated mirrors.

"""""im okay with this""" yeah ok💀

i can’t even remember why i started testosterone😭i knew a shit ton about it and being trans for several years, so it was just...? spur of the moment...?

it turned out to be so easy it seemed too good to be true, but it wasn't, and i got my T prescription. during the initial appointment i chose to give myself subcutaneous injections on the spot...? i was hesitant about this idea, but perhaps it means something that this was the perfect method for me (compared to gel or intramuscular injections for example). i started on a little higher than average dose.

then my WHOLE world flipped upside down bc even the acne and the voice cracks were incredibly gender affirming. EVERYTHING felt so good and right + i realized there are 0 feminine things i can do/be that i'm anything but uncomfy with.

(not that there can’t be for you, but my experience is extremely binary)

it was jarring to change my gender after identifying as nb for soo long. i almost thought it was because i hated myself and my body, so i was only happy that i was looking different, not that i was looking the way i needed to. i gaslit myself a couple times into thinking i wasn't seeing any changes too lol.

in the first month, my menses stopped, and a lot more changes happened fast lol, like my voice dropping, smells changing and getting stronger, and hair growing.

perhaps within the first two months my mood became majorly destabilized. i already took a lot of psychiatric medications on account of having bipolar type 1, ptsd, and a slew of anxiety disorders lol. but it was then i actually started giving a fuck about THAT, too. as it turns out, getting off some of those meds / lowering my dose made me felt 100% better (like i could actually sleep and think clearly for instance).

and testosterone is still treating me extremely well :)

i mean it when i say every single aspect of my mental health improved extremely in a short span of time. i didn't realize i didn't know what it was to be actually happy or even okay till then.

it's pretty expensive, but it's worth it. so is top surgery which i got super recently.

since starting T, i have been scouring reddit and other forums to learn from others' experiences. that's how i was so prepared for top surgery for the most part. and it felt rly odd for me to read of how some people were/are scared of regretting it, or soon after surgery feeling that way/depressed. because god i'm so happy (not that anyone is wrong for feeling the way i described). i feel so free. of course it's disabling right now, and there's pain, and blood, but that quite literally means nothing to me because my chest is right, now. i didn't underplay it when i said that it has always been the biggest/worst source of my dysphoria. if i got a chance to redo things, i'd do it the moment i turned 18 (if possible sooner).

i am currently in the process of getting my legal name changed / my sex changed on my ID. meaning i need to turn in the request lol. i've put it on hold for now so that i can heal👍

that's everything so far i think. i plan on continuing medically transitioning, prob w/ phalloplasty (meaning, tissue is taken from somewhere else on my body and creates length for a penis + urethra so i can pee while standing up lol). but that'll be when i've been on T for a year (since surgeons generally advise giving the dick a chance to grow as much as possible from T lol).

so yeah :)

[honeekyuu]

HONEEEEE SELF SHIP FRIDAY WHO CHEERED

i love these prompts so im asking a lot sorry not sorry happy self ship friday

pre: 2, 6

general: 8, 9

love: 2, 10

domestic: 2, 8

MOLLYYYYYY LETS FUCKING GO IT'S SUNA DAY (it's always fking suna day lets be fucking real)

self ship questions!

pre 2: What was their first impression of each other?

suna and i met on move in day first year,,, he was screaming "if you break my shit ill fuck your mom" down the hall at atsumu as i coming around the corner with my cart of plants. we made eye contact and i said "my mom??" i immediately thought he was funny but he avoided me for like a week bc he was embarrassed. i had to keep making 'your mom' jokes until he cracked because he was being weird

pre 6: What was their "flirting stage" like?

looking back im like pretty solidly convinced the flirting stage started in like second year, but im just an idiot and didnt realize it until our situationship started a year later. lots of us staying up until 2am playing mario kart alone in the dorm lounge or in his room. lots of him texting me memes and tiktoks and taking random pictures of me and sending them to me when he'd see me on the quad but i didnt see him,,,, making faces at each other across classrooms,,, lots of his hands brushing thighs and elbows and me hugging him goodnight,,,, wow i was a stupid fuck back then lmao

general 8: Who takes the lead in social situations? How are they around each other's friends?

me. me me me. 100% me. we are both introverts but hes the WORSE introvert. people think hes a standoffish rude terrible fuck because he cant keep eye contact to save his life and is always on his phone in social situations. when he first met my friends i had to do major damage control but once they got to know him they realized hes just shy and now they make fun of him for it. "oh i'd ask suna but i dont think hes on this plane of existence rn" "suna i need your opinion and i need you to speak it in words please" ,, that kind of shit. his friends are the miyans and we were all in the same dorm for two years so there were no issues getting to know them lmao

general 9: Who gets jealous easier?

i was gonna say me but it's him. i get jealous SUUUUPER easily but more often it's like,, insecurity not jealousy lol. 90% of the time it's me being insane ab smth that isn't even happening and him being like "wow, youre being insane ab smth that isnt even happening!". but any time literally any guy he doesnt know tries to say smth to me, suna appears like a cryptid and stands there until the interaction is over. brother could be asking me for directions and a cold chill will pass over me as my bf emerges from the ether to linger behind me.

love 2: What are their primary love languages?

mine is words of affirmation and quality time without fail. i NEED this man to tell me he loves me because every four seconds im like "so you dont like me??" and he just sighs in exhaustion. and i feel like,,, even in the fwb stage,,,, if i went too long without seeing him i would get really insecure,,, but also HIS love languages are physical touch and quality time, so we never went more than like a DAY without seeing each other lmao. and hes a manhandler,,, brother just manhandles me when he gets clingy and im left to deal w it, he has no fucking clue how strong he is

love 10: What do they like best about each other?

i like how reliable he is. he is so steadfast and unwavering about basically everything, to the point where, if im feeling insecure, hes like "literally why would you ever think that? you already know how i feel, it has not changed once". it's a little frustrating bc hes stubborn, but also i feel like him being reliable as a fucking rock helps build my confidence to do things out of my comfort zone with him. and i think he likes that im fucking insane and overthink/overshare so open about my feelings!! hes really bad at expressing himself vocally, but hes gotten a LOT better at it in the years we've known each other and now hes basically perfect at just speaking his truth lmao. i think it's bc i talk so much ab my feelings that hes figured out how to do it too

domestic 2: If they get married, who proposes, and how do they do it? Would they change their surnames?

ohhh we're not married, but hes said out loud in extremely blunt terms that he'll be the one who proposes. i asked if he wanted me to propose and he said "HEEEEELLLLLL NO!!!!! I WANNA DO IT" so,,,, ig he's doing it ?? i dont think ill take his name though, he says he likes my name the way it is.

domestic 8: Who kills the bugs in the house?

him. he does. him. i would give the spiders the house if they asked for it.

[hammythehanner]

ok i was bored so heres my slugcat tierlist judged entirely by gameplay/the campaign. not many people are prolly gonna read any of this but i love rambling anyways💥💥full downpour spoilers ahead!

RAHHHH I LOVE RIV AND SAINT THE MOVEMENT IS ONE OF MY FAV THINGS ABT THE GAMEPLAY RIGHT NEXT TO KILLING EVERYTHING THAT CROSSES MY PATH (except scavs but i will get to that later) riv is the first dp slug i played on the day the dlc came out and i finished it the same day and bro my expectations were blown out of the water holy FUCK. i wanted to explore rotting pebbles soooo bad and i actually got to do that!!! it was hard of course but i had fun!!!! i liked having to look at rooms and having to carefully calculate how i would get through them. it made pebbles funner to explore bc i wasnt stuck in 0g baby jail all the time. submerged superstructure was cool as hell too but i kept getting super lost in it while trying to find rhe right way to go… exploring after the campaign though was rlly fun!

basically riv is the most slug ever but oh man. does saint come close. it was BRUTAL getting out of sky islands and farm arrays (i didnt have a lantern, i didnt know it would warm u up) but once i did and i acquired a lantern it was fun! finessing predators with your epic tongue swinging skills. but at the same time man i have NEVER gotten a more overwhelming sense of dread from playing a video game before. especially at the part where i went to go to the wall and it just. wasnt there. i had to just pause and stare at the screen because What. and then when i went to shaded citadel, only to realize it wasnt. uh. shaded anymore. and connecting the lore dots in my head right before getting to the husk. gahdam. finding pebbles made me want to cry and throw up so hard (but i didnt. yet) and yeah. that ending. ehat the fukc. shit went crazy. didnt cry tho until i was watching a saint playthrough on youtube and like. bro wasnt even at the end of the game or doing anything in particular but MAN i just started sobbing for like an hour when i thought abt the ending again. i dont rlly even know why in particular the saint ending just Does that to a mf i guess. also shoutout to that one echo that says “I put my faith into the hands of random gods. Now I must endure it to the end” rawest line ever. goes so hard

SPEARMASTER WAS REALLY AWESOME TOO i lovvedddd being the predator and kill die kill kill slurp up everything i see with straw spear. i love how each of the slugcats makes u think like the slug ur playing, and spearmaster does that so well. i love that it makes u think like a ruthless predator, and i love playin on my save file every now and then to see how many kills i can get in a cycle. also exploring moon before she collapses was just as incredible as discovering five pebbles for the first time AIAGSJSGSJ i love her version of random gods so much it goes so crazy. also the bisexual lighting is cool. i hope the miros birds in her underhang explode tho i love being one shot before i can react at all

hunter. i love and hate the cycle limit. on one hand its super unique and changes up how u play the game alot. u gotta plan for stuff and be able to improvise sometimes. but also its really stressful LMAO. right before dp came out i did a hunter run so that i could unlock riv as soon as possible. and like bro wtf shit gave me heart palpitations. i wasnt even close to failing either i deadass ascended with like 9 cycles left idfk why i was shittif myself so hard at certain points. also why can slugpups spawn in their campaign bro thats mean.

GOURMAND. oh gourmand. this is the one i thought i was gonna hate but ended up really enjoying. the tuckered out mechanic isnt usually that big a deal. also bro is a straight up killing machine wtf 3 spear damage????? i didnt use the crafting mechanic much but it was pretty cool when i remembered it existed in a sticky situation and it saved me. also their endgame region….. oh my god that shit is BEAUTIFUL. i could just stare at some of the rooms for hours. and that big tree with a view of pebbles and the communications array? gorgeous. the food quest was fun and the ending is super cute.

survivor was my first experience with the game! i took multiple long breaks because of how frustrated i got at points, i even had to restart my first playthrough cuz i got stuck in filtration without max karma, but i just. kept coming back. the game just kept sucking me back in. i had the biggest ragequit ever at the jump to the wall in chimney canopy (didnt know about throwboosting so i died like 84538363 times. not just to the jump of course you know how chimney is) but i was back literally the next day. i could Not quit. not too much else to say abt them other than that ive replayed survivor like 4 times since it was all i could really do before downpour came out LOL. theyre the standard campaign so it goes in tha middle tier.

arti and monk were originally swapped but i judged arti too harshly i think. i loved the double jump so much, but when i played it i had scav kill squad leniency off and i had no idea how to parry. (also that one long trek between those two shelters in the upper section of metropolis (on the way to house of braids) can fuck right off to hell. ik i could have taken a diff route but ouygh my gowd) artis story is so cool and the ending art is SO badass i love it but scav combat sucks so bad. also i dont like killing them anyways theyre silly and i always get chieftain in my playthroughs :(

monk isnt actually even bad really. its just “ez baby mode”, which is fine! i think monk serves their purpose very well but honestly its not for me, esp after downpour. im a sweaty gamer guys i admit it im so so sorry plz forgive me💔💔💔🥀 i love monks cutscenes tho theyre very cute. a simple but effective story👍👍👍👍awesom

wow ok i wrote way more than i meant to erm. hi. im 🙂🙂normal.🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

[ponyartistbrainiac]

I had another absolutely whack ass dream

So I was really cold so I put my hoodie back on and rolled the covers around me and I guess at some point I dosed off

I was in some sort of after school something at a college with many many doors and it was raining hard

We where talking and ignoring the activities we where supposed to he doing (me and some heavy set girl I forget the name of) we where clearly pretty decent friends

I looked down into this massive lobby and there was water from the rain pouring in fast so I called my mom to come get me

When she got there the water was already deep enough in some parts for us to float in

I was invited to a birthday party and I guess that was my main goal after I got out of the lobby but I had to make it to the counter to check out which had two people behind it looking bored and unperturbed by the water

Not being able to swim I tried floating over to the counter on various things from cushions to doors but mom insisted a float so I tried that and I was able to get there but I was nervous the electronics in my bag where gonna get damaged

Miraculously they didnt and we where able to escape.

Then I woke up and dozed back off again deciding my actual real life was a dream while I sat at a desk in a math class

I struggled to follow what they where saying but nothing made sense to me

In frustration I asked if I could use the bathroom and the teacher said "oh sure!" And I left my bag in my chair because I knew the way like the back of my hand

When I started walking down the hallway I passed many different rooms just filled with teenagers usually goofing off like I passed an arcade and some sort of store and a computer lab where a bunch of people where surrounding one monitor

As i walked to the end i noticed the lobby was the same as before and once again it was filling up with water and i was unhappy because i was gonna get wet

Along the way i picked up a rather large toad that peed on me and this annoyed me greatly

So I put him on the stairs and went my marry little way

When I got to the water I was wading through it with ease and thought "ah this is easy" before I noticed a construction worker fighting a tool box in the water and watched him struggle to not drown and I was immediately terrified because it was much deeper then I thought

After attempting to wade through it and having the water come up to my head I tried floating across like before but ultimately I got spooked and decided I didnt need to pee that badly

But in my shock I realized I didnt bring my phone and my brain had suddenly forgot the way back to class

Now soaking wet and annoyed with myself I tried to go through many doorways and always ended up in whacker and whacker places usually classes that where slightly off or more rooms that seemed way more fun then what I was going back too

I tried to take the stairs but it was replaced with some sort of tube that needed two people to work and I wasn't about all that

I opened the door to the emergency staircase and I saw a bunch of kids smoking and standing around and a girl asked if I was ok

I explained what happened and how I lost my way back to class and didnt have my phone and she touched a gentle finger to my lips and said "it's ok we can ask Jeremy hes amazing with math he probably knows where it is" so I followed her through stairs and rooms and hallways until we ended up in a computer lap this time there was one student to each computer when we got to "jeremy" I noticed he was a tiny man with a cat tail and rabbit ears and I was scared of offending him but he was really cute. The other girl explained when he was going on and told me to hold out my hand and explain what room I was looking for

When I brought him up to my eyes I leaned in close and opened my mouth to explain then my eyes snapped open and I realized I was dreaming

[br1ghtestlight]

I know I've asked about the fischoders before

But have I asked about an in-depth dive about the fischoders' family tree and dynamic?

Also bestie how you've been? This is a check up >:D

omg we don't know that much about the fischoeder family in general so it would be hard to build a family tree BUT i could figure out some basic stuff :D going w/ the season fourteen timeline

calvin fischoeder was born on june 17th 1951 and his parents were probably already married and living togethet etc. very planned. weren't huge on having kids but it was expected of them and fischoeder papa needed somebody to pass his family business down onto so there calvin was!!! VERY spoiled early years as the only child of rich parents and mostly looked after by their mother. his father was usually away and busy with business BUT one the rare occasion he spent time with calvin he was very excited and idolized his papa Who gave him nothing in return. never even said he loved calvin bcuz men just weren't socialized to do those things. when calvin was a bit older he started spending more time with him to teach him how to run the business etc

felix was born february 5th 1956 and unlike his brother he was completely and totally an accident that his parents only kept because abortion wasn't very accessible at that point. calvin was VERY EXCITED to have a younger brother but lost interest pretty quickly when he realized that felix wasn't big enough to play with him while their parents were busy. when felix was like two or three they started being watched by a nanny more often than not while their mom was busy doing neglectful rich mom things. she tried to spoil felix a little bit w/ attention bcuz she knew he would never get any from his father but it still wasn't great for him always feeling inferior to calvin. they had their basic needs met by their nanny and housekeeps but as sensitive kids with no friends their own age and nothing to do all day (they were homeschooled until they were old enough to go to boarding school at like 11 or 12 idk) calvin took more of an older brother leader role and was parentified which did lasting damage to their relationship as siblings probably forever. despite this the love was there between them & they did have fun memories and play together even if they sometimes got into trouble and/or felix accidentally stabbed out calvin's eye

felix was definitely close with their mom but i think calvin was too. they both realized pretty early on that they weren't going to get any attention or love from their father (who talked down to calvin and mostly ignored felix's existence as if he was a shameful family secret) so they both became desperate for their mother's approval and while she tried she didnt really..... get along with kids very well she mostly found them smelly and annoying. very strict about good manners and growing up to be good little businessmen

as they grew up they were left alone MORE often without nannies or anything and eventually shipped off to boarding school. calvin obviously went to school before felix which led to more time for him to bond w/ their mom during her last years of life. she died when felix was maybe around 15 of an old-timey polio type illness and while they didnt take it GREAT (neither did papa fischoeder) they weren't really allowed to grieve either and kept going with their lives

they didn't spend time with other kids their own age because of being homeschooled (apart from maybe if they visited their dad at the wharf occasionally) but they did spend time with their cousins and extended family. their mom's side was much poorer so they rarely saw that side lest they be negatively influenced but papa fischoeder had a lot of siblings so they had lots and lots of cousins to play with. grover was younger than them by about 10-15 years so they didn't really play together very often but he came to visit sometimes with his older siblings and cousins and all the parents would have a visit together while the kids played in the garden :) fun times

[nighttimechimes]

With the release of Prime remastered, I remembered an interesting experience I had while playing the Wii version years ago. I often think about this so i thought hey, tumblr is a place for shouting thoughts to the void, so i might as well share this little story time.

This is about the first time I got a game over screen while playing. I know everyone knows the prime game over is quite intense, and i hear people saying it scared them a lot as a child, this isn't just about that. I remember this moment because of everything that led up to that game over. So umm TW if you don't want to hear about samus dying horribly, I guess.

So, i'm playing a copy of the Wii trilogy edition i borrowed from a friend, on my kitchen tv. I had been playing for a bit that day and I knew I had to leave for class soon. I had just passed a very stressful enemy heavy section, and my HP had kind of suffered.

I arrived at a huge puzzle room, and I realized this could probably take a while, and i didnt have that kind of time, nor enough health.

I didn't want to lose my progress, so I made a Tactical Gaming Decision. I didn't know how far away the next save station would be, but I knew where the last one was. I would have to go through the enemies I had passed again, as they would have respawned, but I could just run past them, and any collateral damage would be healed at the save station. Yeah, seems doable.

So I turned around, and I started running back the way I came. It was a thin, winding one way corridor, quite claustrophobic. There were a lot of enemies, and they were all shooting at me and chipping away at my health. But I wasn't worried because, again, I would be healed soon.

And then I reached the end of the corridor, where the door to safety should be.

Only I couldn't see it.

I kept looking and checking my map, because god knows I tend to not see things that are right in front of me, and I get disoriented easily. But the map said the door should be there, except there was certainly no door. Just a wall.

I always thought that maybe there was no door because you're not supposed to go back at that point, and the game doesn't expect you to. In retrospect, it's most likely I just missed the door somehow. But I could not see it at all.

And then I realized that all of the enemies I had run past had followed me. All of them. I remember them approaching slowly, like in a horror movie. And they were shooting.

The corridor was small and it was filled to the brim with space pirates, blocking any way out, and my back was to a wall that should have been a door. My health was quite low by my standards at that point. I was not very good at combat, so even if I tried my best, there was no way I could clear a way forward through the wall of enemies. And I really, really had to leave for class now.

So I made another Tactical Gaming Decision, and decided the easiest, and fastest thing to do now was to give up.

But I was curious, at that point. I had not died yet in this game. Now I had put myself in this position, where I was surely going to get a game over, and I kinda wanted to see what it looked like.

And instead of just turning off the console, I decided to let Samus die.

So I sighed, put down the Wii remote, sat back on my tiny, uncomfortable kitchen chair, and just watched the screen as a dozen space pirates shot Samus, and slowly drained her energy tanks.

As her energy got lower, I felt kind of bad. I mean, it's only a video game, but this is just sad. She doesn't even get to fight back. If Samus could choose to, would she? She doesn't have a chance, even if she's better at fighting than me. She's completely surrounded and cornered. Would she give up? Would she just let the space pirates shoot her to death, in this tiny, asphyxiating corridor on a dying planet? Probably not. She would probably fight until she couldn't anymore.

But I, as the player, just didn't want to fight. So I watched in morbid fascination as she went down to her last energy tank, and an urgent beeping started, red flashing danger lights of "energy low" filled the screen.

For those who may not know, Prime's game over starts with Samus letting out a terrible scream, as her visor turns off. Then you see her head, visor cracked, her life support flatlines with a long beep, and her head drops to one side.

So I sit there, mouth agape, positively disturbed by that whole thing. That was horrible.

As I turned off the console and I left for class, I kept thinking about it. That was kind of a very interesting scene that happened there. That could be in a book. Or a movie. I kept thinking about what happened from samus' point of view: deciding it was too dangerous to keep going, and that it would be safer to return and heal and then try again. And then finding her way out closed, realizing there's no way she can make it... and giving up. That's terrifying.

I still think about it sometimes. Something intense or interesting that happened not because it was scripted, but because the player did something different. I wondered if other people have had similar experiences. At the time it was so fascinating to me, I really wanted to know more stories like this.

So. Yeah. If you were bored enough to read all the way here, thanks! And if you have any similar stories or experiences, from any game, please please share them! I'm still extremely curious. It doesn't have to be a horrible death scene, either.

I'm really enjoying Prime remastered. I haven't yet reached the bit where this happened all those years ago, but i'm waiting for it to finally see if i was crazy, or the door really disappeared. I have to know... even if it might kill samus again. But this time I will fight for her life.