#i was gonna edit the one always sunny meme

[flatstarcarcosa]

literally sat down with the intent to make a specific reax before i opened twitter btw

[doggendoodle]

[ID: the first image is a screenshot of a post by Tumblr user @i-exist-because-reasons​, reading “you KICK blorbo? you kick blorbo like the plinko? oh! oh! eeby deeby for glup shitto! eeby deeby for glup shitto for one thousand years!”. The second image is a screencap of Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, looking deranged in front of his conspiracy board.]

Gonna do my best to explain this.

blorbo - a term accidentally originated by thelustiestargonianmaid meaning a fictional character you adore, archetypically one you feel cuteness aggression towards, though that’s not mandatory. the original post pre-edit was about how people on Tumblr will tag non-fandom posts with characters and media they like that they feel fits, like seeing a post about being attacked by your new pet and tagging it Ash Ketchum

plinko - a game originating from The Price is Right, but in this context specifically referencing a GIF of a physics simulation, where a horse falls in a humorous way down a Plinko board, that became a meme in 2021 thanks to an edit where the title “horse plinko” was added, and there are flames at the bottom of the image to insinuate the horse is being incinerated

eeby deeby - for a full meme history check out this post, but: the phrase “eeby deeby” was a stand-in for robotic noises, but in this context, it refers to some nebulous hell-like place, originating from an edited image of an elevator listing its destination as “eeby deeby”

glup shitto - coined by gomjabbar in a viral post about how Star Wars fans who are really into the franchise celebrate the return of minor or once-off characters that general audiences do not care about, sometimes used in a more generic way to refer to any obscure nod to a work’s fandom. also sometimes used in conjuction with Grogu, aka Baby Yoda from The Mandalorian

and the entire post is a reference to the Miette tweet, where Patricia Lockwood jokes about the melodramatic nature of cats, in particular her own cat Miette; it’s been noted recently that the original tweet doesn’t actually mention that Miette is a cat; rather, the pop culture perception of cats and the context of the tweet are what clued people in before Lockwood ever released photos of Miette

[ID: the original Tweet from Patricia Lockwood, @TriciaLockwood, reading:

“me, lightly touching miette with the side of my foot: miette move out of the way please so I don’t trip on you

miette, her eyes enormous: you KICK miette? you kick her body like the football? oh! oh! jail for mother! jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!” End ID.]

it’s become a popular snowclone; a phrase that becomes popular or otherwise notable, and then is used in a Mad Libs-esque fashion where only a few words are changed, in such a way that the allusion to the original sentence adds extra context.

Here, with the original Miette text and all the context, we can finally decipher the snowcloned text:

“Blorbo” is the character being melodramatic, the Miette of the scenario.

“Eeby deeby” is the jail in the scenario, being a deeply unpleasant place one would not want to even visit, let alone remain in for a thousand years.

Being “kicked like the plinko” references how roughly the horse in the Horse Plinko meme falls down the pegs, evoking the same feelings as being kicked like a football.

Finally, “glup shitto” isn’t a direct analogue to Miette’s owner (her “mother”); rather, it was added in to make the post even more incomprehensible for people unfamiliar with meme culture in general and Tumblr meme culture in specific.

Again, this is my best effort, if anyone sees any errors I made or has any additional context, please feel free to chime in.

A few weeks ago I tried explaining to my non tumblr friends what blorbo/eeby deeby/glup shitto/scrunglo/plinko was and it almost gave all of us an aneurysm

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[hausofmamadas]

DINARRÓN | Or should I say Dinarellaron …

✷✷✷ (For any and all Dinarrón content, refer to disclaimer in these posts) ✷✷✷

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From Narcos: Mexico, Season 2, episode 2 - Alea Iacta Est

Aka that one time all three Arellano siblings eyed Barróncito like the prime rib he is went heart eyes for Barrón.

And who can blame them? Even los Arellanos are not exempt from popping the occasional catching the occasional workplace boner crush.

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Already. I mean cmooon, given this entrance with that little shy-boy chin bop, wtf did we think was gonna happen??? They were all gonna look at him and be like, “nah?” Sksksksks no they were all fucking goners, right off the bat, like no match to the silent-but-deadly magnetism our boy is droppin here.

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Oh okay, and then this little walk he does down the stairs. Like in all seriousness (i’ve talked about this with Món/Manuel Masalva before) there’s something about his physicality, like it’s all over that legendary S3 scene at Christine too. And idk if it was the directors, or the writers, or just Bobby Soto plain being like, “So, imma walk down these steps in the sexiest way possible, hope that’s cool with you guys” no te preocupes, chulito, it’s v cool with us but like his whole physicality is just undeniably h o ttttt.

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OKAY YOU MOTHERFUCKINGXDJDKSKDJDNDNSJ GOONS. This is it. This is the first time Dina lays her gotdamn beautiful brown eyes on gotdamn beautiful Barrón. And what praytell does she look like? Tell me what she looks like????? I’ll give you a hint …….

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE SIZING THIS BOY UP LIKE HE A SLICE OF PECAN PIE WITH A FAT SCOOP OF VANILLA ICE CREAM ON TOP. SHE SEES THAT SWEET SNACK SURPRISE AND SHE KNOWS OKAY

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And just join me, for a moment, in overanalyzing this shot bc it’s not just Dina who’s enamored. Juuuust after Barrón leans back, before Mon shakes his hand. Take in that image right there and tell me they don’t ALL look like they wanna climb him like a jungle gym. They straight look like Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed from the Lion King, bout to bust out into showtunes before making a meal of the kid sksksks. And lbr, he and Panchito were in prison for a min so his look might be “aaaah, memories.” Cuz they never really tell us like what is it that made him such a faaan of Barrón in the first place. And gorl was pushin real hard for the rest of the fam to like him, just sayin.

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There’s no logical Dinarrón reason for me to include this except that the way Ramon walks here rivals aforementioned Barrón stairwalk in terms of pure sexness sksksks like godddd he looks good🥴 OH EXCEPT, the way Barrón follows Mon to confront Chapo and Cochi. Already the work ethic. Mans means business strollin behind, already all-in with the backup even tho he just got there.

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And then we have over here Dina also surveying the scene, making sure no one pulls ANY shit, ready at a moment’s notice to fucking cut you no but like literally sksksks she will actually cut you with the champagne bottle she cracked over that putamadre’s head. SO BASICALLY, Dina and Barrón are literally doing the same damn thing, providing the saaame damn function, in case things pop off in this convo between Mon, Cochi and Chapo which I did gif and desperately wanted to include but couldnt bc of Tumblr’s stupid 10 image limit 😤😤🙄🙄

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And here, I’d like to welcome you to our next edition of Inside the Actors- no Scene overAnalysis with Your Local Space Witch, Kaybron. Wherein I will transform, before your very eyes, into the It’s Always Sunny Pepe Silva meme.

First off, Dina adorably rubbing Moncito’s head like, “yes, good job with fam protec against that scareee Chapo and scareee Cochi, big strong, prad of u.”

Second, just after the adorable sibling head rub, Barrón proceeds to PUT HIS HANDS ON PANCHITA’S SHOULDERS like a “cmon buddy it’ll be okay” gesture or “echoes of our secret prison love affair” gesture I’m not sure cause they’re bestest good frands and he don’t want his bestest good frand to be mad at his own party. SO BASICALLY Dina and Barrón YET AGAIN fulfill the same function as the resident comforting watchdogs, at the Same. Damn. Time.

And lastly, but most importantly…. And it’s crucial that you’re here with me, in this moment, because….. there is, for a millisecond …. it’s literally blink and miss it …. but there is A Look. Right after adorb sib head rub, Dina throws a look Barrón’s way and he fucking looks at her back while he’s walking by steering Panchito with adorable shoulder rub. THERES A LOOK. ITS FUCKING THERE.

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AND👏🏼FUCKING👏🏼THEN👏🏼 this pinshe tonteria.

The other Arellano sisters exiting the frame to reveal BOTH OF THEM IN THE MIDDLE mad-dogging tf out of the Sinaloa camp, THE SAME gotdamn expression on their faces, RIGHT next to each other……….

*foaming at the mouth, flips table over* LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING. IM SUPPOSED TO FUCKING THINK THEY ARENT DESTINED FOR EACH OTHER? RLY? LITERALLY SHOVING THE NARRATIVE SYMMETRY IN MY FACE BRANCATO?? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE REASONABLE??

Phew. *wipes sweat from forehead, gathers up red string, crumpled paper, and tacks*

And with that, your Honor, The People rest.

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taglist: @ashlingnarcos @cherixrosa @narcolini @cositapreciosa @purplesong1028 @criatividad-e @tinylittleobsessions @mmasalva @marrianena @cigarettesaftersunset @carlislecullenisadilf @artemiseamoon @narcos-narcosmx @thesolotomyhan @southotheborder @mandaloria314 @bellinitini @ashlingiswriting @narcosmx @kesskirata @curaheed @alreadywritten

[tenpintsofsundrop]

I am literally going to open every single interaction with ‘welcome degenerates’ now omg. I fucking love it!!

as always - Star is a star with the memes and her lovely funny running comentary <333

Star: When I opened this I literally went "what the fuck" under my breath, DUDE ?????

Sunny: I really thought that this was gonna be around 10k, or under 10k. And I am always, always SHOCKED by how easily my fics pick up 2k during editing. Because I could add a sentence here or there or go to make some clarifications/add some details and BAM it picks up an entire 2k during editing. Because it was like 15k before I started editing. Anyway oops (I think the second part is gonna be … longer … )

Star: "the limbs and jaw are missing" just the jaw ? (ik this isn't case centered BUT still)

Sunny: if this WAS case centered I would have described this in a lot more detail. But like I am imagining someone with like - the lower half of their face missing. Like he cut off the jaw and kept it. So their eyes are there, just staring, hauntingly. But they have no jaw. Just upper teeth and eyes. (I have way more details for this case in my head that I feel like I could make an entire fic out of lmao) 

Star: "Is it just cause you think I’m the gross one?” SKSKSLSK

Sunny: I am so used to female characters being girly and dainty and shy, I want a girl character who is GROSS and UNASHAMED and just says whatever the fuck she wants. I was so excited to write this for that reason alone!!!

Star: “The body’s been sittin’ out here in the sun for three hours. I’m not doin’ it.” I feel like many a rock paper scissors battles have happened in the past over who has to touch the dead body

Sunny: They would have done a rock, paper, scissors battle but the local cops were looking and Hotch told them they’re not allowed to make a bad impression 

Star: “God, it’s like a fucking fleshlight in here,” KSKSKSK the imagery I did not need | "Don't you mean flashlight?" oh boy 😋

Sunny: this is the exchange that inspired me to write this entire fic and I am SO PROUD OF IT. I couldn’t get it out of my head and the fic needed to happen 

Star: SKSKKSS MORGAN JUST TRYING TO CARRY ON

Sunny: Yeah because Morgan has witnessed TOO MANY of these conversations, he’s like CAN WE JUST FOCUS. He doesn’t wanna feel Reid’s secondhand embarrassment (he already feels too much secondhand embarrassment from Penelope) 

Star: OMG I COULD "UPDOG" REID !!! HE MAY BE A SUPER GENIUS BUT HE WAS A SENIOR AT 12, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT UPDOG | OR LIGMA !!! And they're such different words that I'm SURE he would fall for both <33

Sunny: Yeah, you absolutely COULD ‘updog’ him. And 1000%, even after you said ‘I don’t know dog, what’s up with you?’ - he would still be confused while everyone else was laughing, and he would need it explained to him. Because he is cute like that. 

Star: "what a ‘blumpkin’ was" ...... what's a blumpkin ...? do I wanna google it? I don't think I do.... I'm googling it ... i didn't even consider that a thing people did... alright KSKSKSK jesus. did I just get updogged ? But a even more terrible 18+ version of it

Sunny: THIS ONE HAS A FUNNY STORY BEHIND IT. I was watching a youtube video the other day (shout out to Santagato Studios if anybody watches it) and they discussed what the exact definition of a ‘blumpkin’ was. Before I heard them talk about it, I thought it was just another slang term for ‘blowjob’. But like I wasn’t fully surprised by this, because I’ve heard of getting ‘Simba’d’ before - so I left this in here without a fully blown explanation of it, thinking that someone else was going to have to look it up on urban dictionary and experience the same ‘oh!’ moment that I did while watching that youtube video. So we both got 18+ updogged by this at one point lmao 

Star: "You had gotten a degree in mortuary science before you became a Profiler" THIS IS SUCH A COOL READER BACKSTORY/DETAIL

Sunny: this is actually the backstory for the y/n character in Burn The Witch (and in that story, y/n is a lot more depressed lmao) but I really liked that aspect of it - because in SVU, they have Melinda, and she puts together a lot of the details by telling them what happened to the body. And to me I always wondered why they didn’t have someone who traveled with the team and did autopsies for them because there is so many details of a profile/killing that comes from how they were killed - and the specific details of the killings that only an ME would pick up on. So it’s probably something I’m gonna sprinkle into a lot of my fics <3 cause I love it (also, I think that those kind of details are fascinating) 

Star: "The two of you played Gin Rummy" new drinking game for all the cool kids out there, take a shot everytime I have to Google something today

Sunny: ANOTHER INTERESTING STORY BEHIND THIS. I know they play a lot of card games on the jet, and it’s my thought process that y/n would refuse to play chess or poker with Reid because he would automatically kick her ass, so I picked a less well known card game so that she would have a chance of winning (even though it’s a really small detail, I put an intense amount of thought into it lmao) 

Star: "The antithesis of a dildo" SKSKSSKS SO THEATRICAL AND DRAMATIC I LOVE THIS LINE

Sunny: I actually tried really hard to have Spencer’s internal monologue really sound like him, so when he’s thinking about sex, he uses the word ‘penis’, and he doesn’t use graphic terms, and when the reader is thinking about sex, she uses ‘cock’ and ‘pussy’. So that’s why it sounds so dramatic in his head lmao 

Star: "Because of his inexperience, it had lasted a whopping three minutes" I mean,,, would you really wanna suck a dick soaked in chlorine for any longer than that?

Sunny: OMG I ACTUALLY DID NOT THINK ABOUT THIS. Because I never go swimming, I did not even think about the fact that the chlorine smell/taste sticks to your skin for so long after you get out of the pool (before you have a shower) - that was one of the details I missed lmao 

Star: "PhD in chemistry" THAT'S WHAT HIS PHD IS ON ???

Sunny: He actually has three PhDs in Mathematics, Chemistry, and Engineering, and two BAs in Psychology and Sociology, and in one of the later seasons of the show he was getting a BA in Philosophy because he was bored. I just picked one of his degrees to name as an example 

Star: 'slipping into something more comfortable’ and then came back in a latex nurse’s outfit and six inch red heels" the concept of a bucket list has never interested me much until now

Sunny: okay but imagine doing this with Spencer and he loses all brainpower in 2 seconds 

Star: "he had chosen instead to simply sit at his desk and reread the same book over and over again because he had wanted to keep you company" well I hope he has an extra 3m14s to spare cause I'm sucking his dic-

Sunny: you could get him in less than two minutes! It’s a challenge now!

Star: "The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot" you know what time it is ! everyone take a shot

Sunny: okay but while I was writing this I was googling ‘T. S. Eliot books’ because I know that’s an author Spencer would probably read but I didn’t know any of his book titles lmao 

Star: "easy to clean" it comes with a comically oversized version of those metal straw brushes/cleaners

Sunny: okay this MADE ME FUCKING SNORT 

Star: "When he dipped two of his fingertips into the opening of the toy" sick and twisted

Sunny: this was literally my FAVORITE part of the fic to write. I loved it SO MUCH

Star: "Spencer nodded vigorously at this. 'Of course. Yeah - yeah. You’re right'" there's very little I wouldn't let him get away with

Sunny: okay he could get away with murder if he said please to me first. But the best part is, he literally just wants to get fucked (like Jason, he just wants boobies) 

Star: "You held back from telling him the true title you desired" 👀 which would be? 👀

Sunny: I said in the A/N that I had a hard time not putting Mommy kink in this. So like ! let him call me Mommy!!!! (like dude… it would be perfect) 

Star: “Come where?” I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS LINE!!!! | ‘Cum’ is the fluid. As in: ‘I want your cum inside of me’.” OUTSOULD WITH THIS LINE OH MY GOD

Sunny: the second part was such a last minute addition and I’m so glad that I did it lmao 

Star: “Will you let me?' Spencer asked nervously, sheepishly" I could never be a  strict Dom with him KSKSKS what he wants he gets, I'm sorry

Sunny: OKAY BUT I TOTALLY AGREE. Like if he asked nicely I would just have to give in (though writing a fic it is fun to make him cry) 

Star: "Again, feeling the devil rise up inside of you" a natural state for me at this point

Sunny: SEE, SEE. you see why it’s fun to be a little bit (or a lot) evil 

Star: "a few thick white spurts even dirtied his glasses when you angled his cock that way" this has forever changed me as a person

Sunny: I had so much fucking fun writing this visual omg 

Star: "That’ll be a lesson for next time" me, who Knows 😈

Sunny: you don’t even know HALF of the evils that I have planned (evil villain laugh emanating in the background) 

Star: “Of course you can, baby.” I'd have SUCH a hard time NOT talking to him like this in public, he would not have a name anymore (honey, baby, angel -> those are his names now)

Sunny: okay but imagine just being 100% professional with him, and then THE SECOND everyone leaves the room, going up behind him while he's putting his little pins on the map (which he always does), groping his ass, and going “you look so good today baby cakes” and just watching him SHORT CIRCUIT for a few moments 

Star: "Your stomach fluttered when he kissed the top of your head before you felt his body relax into the mattress" SOBBING | GOODNIGHT MY SWEET PRINCE 😩💕✨

Sunny: Spencer just wants a girlfriend <3 (and I love him for it) 

Star: I don't think I have to say how much of a banger this was, but I will cause I want to. I just love the BANTER !! i mean obviously I'm also an avid pwp enjoyer but... there's just ✨ something ✨ about getting to see fun banter and multi characters interactions before getting absolutely destroyed

Sunny: aaah thank you so much!!! This really means SO MUCH to me omg 

Star: Sub Spencer is an angel and I love him and I must kiss him. OH YEAH ! We didn't kiss him ;-; like not once ;-; (on the lips I mean) he deserves to be kissed (I'm prepared to make that sacrificed)

Sunny: I’m gonna make their first kiss a big deal and very interesting because Spencer wants a kiss SO BAD and he is gonna get it <3 

Star: Also goes without saying that I really love Reader's personality, like I think it's so much fun when R has a very clear like past and personality/mannerisms even if those completely differ from me (it doesn't really break my immersion) BUT it just so happens we have a very similar sense of humor, so I feel right at home with most (if not all) of Sunny's readers

Sunny: this also really means a lot to me. I really love giving the reader character a distinct personality, because I love each of the reader characters I write to stand out. There is so many “I would not fucking say that” memes, but like dude, nobody is gonna be able to predict YOUR ACTIONS. Just strap in for the ride 

Star: We SHALL TALK ABOUT THE EARTH SHATTERING SMUT IN THIS FANFIC !!! LIKE HELLO ???? I really wanna take all of Spencer's firsts and that's not something I just think about in general

Sunny: you always make me SMILE AND GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET OMG 

Star: Everyone say "Thank you Sunny for this delicious meal" and PAY YOUR FUCKING BILL ! (aka reblog and comment)

Sunny: I love the way you put this omg. I almost wanna put this on the top of my blog like one of those ‘quotes from a reviewer’ that people put on the back of book covers. This is so fucking iconic of you

Lessons For A Genius - Lesson One

Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader

Lesson One: Slick Silicone

(aka the one with the pocket pussy)

Summary:

What could a certified genius possibly have to learn from someone like you? Turns out - a hell of a lot. 

And the real ‘teaching’ started when your graphic explanations of slang toward Spencer for the sheer shock value of it turned into something a lot more… hands on. 

Sub!Spencer Reid x (BAU)Dom!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Friends with Benefits. Smut. Set during early Season 2.

Word Count: 17,200

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: A lot of general stuff pertaining to an average Criminal Minds episode - mentions of death, mentions of murder/killing, mentions of possible trauma from being in the BAU, somewhat graphic descriptions of a dismembered corpse; this is not a casefic but there is a small section where Reid, Morgan, and the reader are at a crime scene and details of a case are mentioned (not a case in the canon, one that I made up); the reader sticks her hand inside of a corpse to get something out of it for the purpose of discovering evidence; making inappropriate jokes about dead bodies - the reader character uses dark humour to cope with the trauma of the BAU job; Spencer doesn't understand sexual slang and the reader has to explain it to him (warning for slightly awkward moments because of this?); the reader calls Spencer 'honey' (could be considered condescending); use of Y/N and L/N (meaning Your Last Name); Reid struggling with his sexuality/Reid has some internal biphobia; mentions of anal sex/anal stimulation but it does not take place during the fic; passing mentions of Reid being bullied in school; mentions of past Spencer x Lila Archer (in this fic, she blew him while he was working that case but they didn't keep contact when he left LA); mentions of the reader going to a sex shop; mentions of the reader dressing feminine/wearing lingerie; mention of Spencer being taller than the reader - but I think he would be taller than most people.

This is primarily a smut fic; there is sub/dom dynamics - Reid is submissive and much more inexperienced (he is 'learning' about sex from the reader character, but he is not completely a virgin, he has had one singular sexual experience before); the reader is dominant and much more experienced sexually; the reader has a vagina and uses she/her pronouns; mentions of Reid being 'innocent' (it's more so that sex is an under-researched area of his life and he is too shy to explore it by himself); undertones of corruption kink; use of a sex toy - the reader gifts Spencer a fleshlight/pocket pussy and they use it together; hand kink - the reader admires Spencer's hands; undertones of corruption kink - the reader is enjoying 'corrupting' Spencer and showing him these things for the first time; BDSM/kink negotiations, possibly under-negotiated kink; the reader teaches Spencer BDSM terms.

Everything in this fic is fully consensual and safe for the characters; Spencer calls the reader 'Miss'; mentions of Spencer cumming inside the reader (does not actually happen during the fic); passing mentions of Spencer being insecure (about his sexual skills and his looks); Spencer is very obedient; the reader calls Spencer: 'good boy', 'baby', 'pretty boy', 'dumb baby'; most of this fic is Spencer being fucked with a fleshlight while it's controlled by the reader; heavy praise kink (from the reader toward Spencer); light bondage - Spencer's hands are bound behind his back; edging - orgasm delay/orgasm denial (from the reader toward Spencer); the reader makes Spencer ask permission to cum; some size kink - big dick Spencer is too big to fully fit inside of a fleshlight; Spencer does a lot of begging in this; slight crying kink - the reader thinks Spencer looks pretty when he cries from being overwhelmed/edged a lot; degradation kink, dumbification kink, reader is condescending towards Spencer; some overstimulation toward the end; slight cum kink - Spencer cums all over himself and the reader enjoys it. I believe that's it. There is descriptions of aftercare!

A/N: fair warning - a lot of this fic is build up/sexual tension (my speciality). and there is a long section before the smut where the reader is teaching Spencer BDSM terms and teaching him how to pick a safeword, but I think it's interesting and I enjoyed writing it. and it's worth the pay-off imo. also remember, if you want me to continue this series, please give me some feedback on it! I would love to hear what you thought of this fic before I start writing another one! I highly resisted the urge to put Mommy kink in this, but I feel like it would be unrealistic for a shy Spencer to be comfortable calling his partner Mommy during a first time (he would have a Mommy kink but he would be way too uptight/uncomfortable to admit it).

...

Being an FBI Profiler meant there were some rather… strange parts to your day. 

Things that were once in a lifetime tragedies for other people that had become intensely casual routines for you. Things like - looking at gruesome crime scene photos, seeing a dead body in person, facing down a killer. 

You liked to thank your nihilism and dark sense of humor for keeping you sane, working a job that would have driven others insane in such a short amount of time. You also liked to distance yourself from the darkness of it, and preferred to think of the people you helped, rather than the people you couldn’t. 

Especially during moments like this, when you were exiting the car at yet another crime scene. It was a dump sight for the body of another young woman, adding to the trail of victims this newest killer was challenging the BAU with. 

“Just like all the others… the limbs and jaw are missing. Eyes gouged out. This guy has one hell of a compulsion.” Morgan commented, looking down at the body… or rather, the torso, with intense disdain. 

“I would say it’s less of a compulsion, and more of a fractured sense of reality.” Reid commented. “It’s likely that the UnSub sees these corpses as pieces of art. It’s why he was frustrated when the first four weren’t found soon enough, that they weren’t discovered when they were… ‘fresh’, so to speak. That’s why he started leaving the clues for law enforcement. He wants his ‘art’ to be seen in a timely manner.” 

“Couldn’t the guy just take up painting or something?” You replied, looking at the body, still slightly shocked by how brutal the whole thing was. 

“Looks like we got another one.” Morgan pointed out, crouching down beside the body, motioning toward a large gash between the victim’s ribs. “Another clue, that is.” 

For the last three victims, the UnSub had cut a hole into their torso and left some kind of object inside. Something small that hinted at where the next victim would be found. 

Morgan looked over his shoulder at you, as though waiting for you to make a move. When you turned to Reid, he was looking over the rim of his coffee cup at you with very expectant eyes, the thick lenses of his glasses making his stare all the more imposing. 

You quickly realized that both of the men wanted you to stick your hand inside the corpse and pull out whatever was inside. 

“What?” You chuckled. “You want me to do it? Is it just cause you think I’m the gross one?” 

Your reputation for having a strong stomach preceded you. 

You were shy or squeamish about anything, socially or functionally, and the team often took advantage of this. They would throw you into an interrogation with a suspect who made crude comments and you would end up grossing the man out with even more graphic words. They would have you sifting through a suspect’s trash looking for receipts or pieces of evidence and sometimes you would laugh at the things you found, rather than gagging at the smell. 

It was rare that anyone on the team saw you flinch. 

“The body’s been sittin’ out here in the sun for three hours.” Morgan said, glancing from the corpse up to the bright sky overhead. “I’m not doin’ it.”

You chanced another look at Reid. The small smirk he wore told you that he wouldn’t have to give some lame excuse about how he was squeamish and had just eaten in order for you to truly give in. 

“Ugh, fine.” You said. 

You naturally met Reid’s hand when he came out of his pocket with a blue latex glove for you to wear. You put it on, switching places with Morgan so you could kneel down beside the body. You put your ungloved hand on the ground to support yourself, and then inserted your fingers into the cavity - the hole between the ribs that the UnSub had made. 

Luckily, you didn’t have to reach too far inside before you felt something. Though, because of the slight decomposition of the body and the bloat from the sun beating down, you did have some trouble getting a good grip on the item to pull it out. 

Naturally, your discomfort with the situation caused your dark sense of humor to act up. You needed the comfort and you barely thought about the odd joke before it left your lips. 

“God, it’s like a fucking fleshlight in here,” You groaned, disgusted laced through your voice as you finally hooked your fingers around the object and managed to pull it out of the wound. 

Morgan chuckled at the joke and held out an evidence bag for you (which he had gotten from one of the uniformed officers on the scene). Before any of you could truly analyze the item that you had just pulled out of the body cavity, a voice trampled over your thoughts as you dropped the item into the plastic bag. 

“Don’t you mean flashlight?” Reid piped up, so eager to correct you, as always. “Also, how is that comparable?” 

You looked up at Reid with awe. 

For a moment, you wondered if he was fucking with you. 

But the look of genuine confusion plastered across his features - something so rare for the certified genius. That look made you realize that he genuinely didn’t know what a fleshlight was. He had no idea what you were talking about. 

Your insides tingled with glee at this realization. 

Morgan sighed when he saw the look that you and Reid exchanged. You, wearing filthy, smug dawning and Reid painted entirely with cluelessness. He hated where the exchange was going, knowing how shameless you always were in conversation. He quickly tried to distract from the interaction. 

“So, this looks like a horseshoe-” Morgan said, motionting to the object in the evidence bag. 

“No, I meant fleshlight.” You said, quickly trampling over Morgan’s words. “F-L-E-S-H-L-I-G-H-T. Fleshlight. Do you not know what that means?” 

This caused Morgan to sigh sharply and shake his head. 

You took off the glove with a snap and tossed it away, happy to be rid of the smell. 

You stood back to your full height, entirely intrigued by Reid’s continued confusion. 

“It could represent luck. Maybe a casino?” Morgan tried in vain to distract the two of you from the conversation once again. 

Maybe he was trying to preserve Reid’s naive innocence, something you were determined to dismantle piece by piece because it gave you intense joy to see the shock cross his features whenever you explained outrageous concepts to him. The time you had explained to him what a ‘blumpkin’ was, you hadn’t stopped laughing for hours when he could hardly believe you. 

“The nearest casino is 45.6 miles away, it’s far outside the UnSub’s geographical comfort zone.” Reid said, quickly dismissing Morgan’s thread of conversation before he turned back to you. “And no, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is it a coroner’s term?” 

You let out a harsh snort at this. You had gotten a degree in mortuary science before you became a Profiler (likely something to thank for your strong stomach). But it was your other area of ‘study’ that made you an expert in this. 

“No, honey, it’s not.” You quickly answered. 

There was a slight flash through his features when you called him ‘honey’. You weren’t sure if it was shock or displeasure, but either way he quickly straightened his face and went back to intrigue. He stared at you with his full attention, ready for you to explain it to him. He was ready to learn and catalog the information in that big brain of his.

It was something you found entirely endearing. 

“L/N, please, don’t-” Morgan begged you not to explain it any further, once again wanting to keep Reid in the dark. 

Mostly, he wanted to save himself from the embarrassment of witnessing the interaction between the two of you. 

“What?” You chuckled sharply, turning to Morgan. “There are some things the genius still needs to learn, apparently.” 

Reid rolled his eyes at this. He didn’t want to admit that it was true. 

“The other night I had to explain to him what the distinct difference between a Butt Dial and a Booty Call is,” You continued, giving an example to prove your point. “Because he walked into the bullpen and loudly announced to JJ and Elle that he was sorry that he booty called me at 3am and woke me up.” 

Morgan choked on his laughter when you explained this. 

“Dude, seriously?” He posed, raising a brow at Reid. 

“I fell asleep with my phone in my back pocket when I was reading Voltaire.” Reid explained, a heavy blush falling over his cheeks. “I thought - I thought -” 

“Okay, playboy, I’m gonna go call Hotch about this,” Morgan announced, motioning toward the evidence bag. “And I’m gonna pretend not to hear anything that’s happening over here.” 

Morgan walked off to the car, and Reid turned to you with a defeated look cast over his features. 

“I do appreciate when you explain these kinds of things to me.” He told you softly. “It… it saves me from future embarrassment.” 

As much as you enjoyed the shock factor of watching Spencer’s innocence melt away when you explained such crude things so abruptly - that was also part of your motivation. You knew that as much as he was a genius - had stunning intellect on paper, could recite statistics by heart - he didn’t have the kind of social skills or social knowledge that you did. 

“Do you really wanna know what I was talking about before?” You posed, giving him one last chance to preserve that innocence. 

He nodded, ever thirsty to chase an unanswered question. 

You held back a giggle. 

“A fleshlight is also called a pocket pussy.” You told him, launching into a quick, efficient explanation for his confusion so that he could have his question answered. 

“What?” He gaped, having the most beautifully dumb look on his face as the words left his lips. 

“It’s a sex toy.” You told him. 

His face scrunched even further into bewilderment, and you knew that now he was simply jumping through mental hoops, wondering what kind of sex toy a ‘pocket pussy’ could be. So you decided to make your explanation a bit more detailed. 

“It’s a…” You thought for a moment about how to explain it to someone who had never seen one before. “A kind of tube? Usually in the shape of a large flashlight, and on the inside there’s a silicone vagina, or sometimes a silicone anus, and it’s meant to simulate intercourse the same way that a dildo can simulate intercourse by going into a vagina. Or an anus, of course. You do know what a dildo is, right?” 

Reid quickly nodded his head - that bright flush even fresher on his cheeks as a deep thoughtfulness came over his features. 

“Yeah. Y-yeah. I got it.” He quickly stuttered out, assuring you that he now fully understood. 

“Cool.” You said, walking by him and thumping him on the shoulder for reassurance that the conversation was over. 

“Wait, is that the hand that you - inside? You haven’t washed your hands yet!” 

“I wore a glove, Reid!” 

… 

Turns out the horseshoe had a unique stamping on it from a closed down metalworks business. Four thousand square feet of abandoned building, perfect for the UnSub to make his ‘art’ inside. He had intended for the clue to lead the team to a barn where he had staged the next corpse, but you broke into the building and caught him in the act of drugging another woman before she was killed. 

The state of the building was horrifying - the limbs of the other victims strewn about, a lot of them put on display like trophies. 

Overall, you would call it a good day. There was a life saved. 

On the way back home, Spencer could barely make eye contact with you while on the jet. His eyes constantly flickered away from you with purpose whenever you looked near him. The two of you played Gin Rummy and you had to remind Reid to take his turn several times. There was even one point where he won a hand and you had to tell him so - he claimed that he had ‘forgotten the rules’. As if. 

You couldn’t figure out why he was acting so strangely. You wanted to chalk it up to the harshness of the case, the graphic nature of things - but you both had seen much worse. The ‘fleshlight’ conversation was so minimal on your radar, such a shameless moment for you. It was something you considered so entirely regular as an interaction on the rollercoaster of all things bizarre that was Spencer Reid. You were barely even thinking about it. 

You had no clue that it was racing through his mind at top speed as he remembered your words from earlier that day. 

… 

Spencer couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

He wasn’t sure why it had never occurred to him before. Sure, there were plenty of things he didn’t know, like you said. Plenty of things he was curious about, but far too shy to look up. Plenty of things he didn’t want to get caught looking up out of fear of embarrassment. 

He knew some things about sex toys. He knew far more about the history of sex toys than he did about modern sex toys. He could tell you that Cleopatra had owned one of the first rudimentary vibrators, made from the shell of a hollowed out gourd filled with bees. But if he walked into a sex shop today, he probably wouldn’t know what half the stuff was or what it was used for. 

When he thought about what you had told him, it only made sense. 

Of course there would be some kind of solution, some kind of ‘opposite’ to a silicone penis used to simulate sex inside a vagina. 

(“Or an anus, of course.”) 

Those words flying out of your mouth so casually had sent Reid’s imagination flying into an array of interesting directions. Of course he knew that plenty of men liked to partake in anal stimulation for pleasure. There were no particular statistics about this that came to mind, because it was never something he had directly read a study about. 

It was something Reid had always been curious about, because he did know that prostate stimulation was often considered to be the height of pleasure for men. 

(Spencer’s attraction to men was a can of worms that he would leave untouched and attend to another day. The innate warmth that he felt when he looked at Morgan was something he always felt the need to suppress. Even though it was quite literally impossible for him, he was still trying to forget the involuntary reaction he had when he looked at a gay porn magazine that his classmates had left in his locker as a joke when he was thirteen.) 

For the most part, his mind was hyper-fixating on your explanation of that object he had never even heard of before. The antithesis of a dildo, the supposed inversion of the male genitalia in a more portable form. 

A pocket pussy. 

You talked about it so casually, explained it so perfectly. You spoke about it in such a way that it left Reid’s mind whirring, wondering what such an object could specifically look like. Of course, he knew what a vagina looked like. In theory. 

Yes, he was a virgin. 

He actually wondered if he fit that definition exactly. He knew that most people considered virginity to be a milestone passed once they had participated in full blown intercourse for the first time. But he wondered if what he had done would ‘count’ as losing his virginity. It was something he would have asked you, would have wanted your social colloquial opinion on - if he wasn’t so embarrassed about being a virgin in the first place. (Or maybe being a virgin, he still wasn’t too sure.) 

He had been touched by a woman before, but only once. 

After he and Lila Archer had climbed out of the pool, before the team had arrived, she had kissed him on the mouth again and continued to thank him for his ‘bravery’ and ongoing protection in a very interesting way. And before he could truly process it or stop her (due to the intense unprofessionalism) - his pants were down and her mouth was on him. Because of his inexperience, it had lasted a whopping three minutes. (According to Spencer’s impeccable memory and the fact that he had been glancing between the top of her head and a clock on the wall, worried they would get caught, he knew for a fact that it had been three minutes and fourteen seconds to be exact.) 

Which, at the time, was lucky. Because as she licked off her lips and looked up at him through her lashes, Morgan called out his name through the house, finally looking for them. He had rushed to straighten his clothes and look normal - but because Morgan caught them both looking incredibly guilty, he had hounded Reid for days about the ‘details’. Reid gave him none. 

But that had been his only experience with a woman sexually. His only experience with anybody, for that matter. So any of his knowledge about vaginas was based entirely on pictures; scientific diagrams, and renaissance art. He was never gutsy enough to buy porn for himself. 

He tried to imagine what a silicone vagina would look like - how one would fit molded into a plastic tube. He tried to imagine how it would feel to stick his penis into one. 

Of course, he had plenty of experience with masturbation. 

His instincts had taken over at the right age for that. Even though his brain was always advanced well beyond his years, puberty kicked in just the same. He had been a hormonal teenager just like everyone else. (Of course, he was the only one going to CalTech getting a PhD in chemistry, but he was right on track in terms of his physical development.) 

And naturally, his imagination often ran away with him whenever he had the time alone to masturbate now that he was an adult. 

One of the things he thought about most often when he masturbated was you. 

The fact that you were so self-assured, so confident, the fact that nothing could shake you. It always made Spencer imagine you pinning him down, taking control of him, kissing him hard. He had orgasmed in his hand a great many nights, imagining you on top of him - imagining what you might feel like around him, on top of him, riding him. 

He found it intensely difficult to pay attention to Gin Rummy when all of these thoughts were running through his mind. 

… 

You barely remembered the fleshlight conversation at all. Barely remembered it, that is, until you were on your way to work the next morning. 

There was a small fender bender between two cars on your normal route and the traffic build-up around it caused you to deviate. Because of that, you just happened to drive by your favorite sex shop. The sign caught your eye, and you figured: you were already late. There was a great coffee place across the street. You could grab yourself a latte if you parked. 

You were surprised that a sex shop would be open so early in the morning, but you were glad that you made the stop. Usually, you would have taken your time to browse. You liked to see what was new, especially in terms of costumes and lingerie. 

You didn’t have a long term partner to impress, but sometimes you did like to strut around the house in lingerie (in your fleeting free time away from the BAU) just to make yourself feel good. That, and it was always fun to see the look on a date’s face when you gave the sensual promise of ‘slipping into something more comfortable’ and then came back in a latex nurse’s outfit and six inch red heels. 

Unfortunately, today you were low on time and very set on what you wanted. 

You went straight to the wall of toys and zoned in on the selection of fleshlights. You picked out the most ‘basic’ one you could find. You didn’t want to assume Spencer’s preferences, but you picked one that resembled a pussy rather than an ass. 

It was on the expensive side, but you knew the look on Spencer’s face when you gave it to him would more than pay it off in your mind. That and imagining him using it, knowing that it would be far too tempting of a gift. He would never be brave enough to buy something like this for himself and once it was in his hands when he was alone, he would be far too curious not to use it - yeah, it was definitely worth it. 

You walked past a rack of lube on your way to the cash register and realized that it would be rude to give this kind of gift without a bottle of lube in accompaniment. So you bought a bottle of your favorite water based lubricant. An unscented one, knowing that Spencer was a no-frills kind of guy, even though you usually bought a strawberry scented one for yourself. 

You got the items put in a discreet, labelless black bag and then got yourself a latte. And you couldn’t help but to grab an almond croissant for Spencer because when you spotted it in the pantry case, you did think of him. 

Of course, when you walked into the office (the black bag safely in the backseat of your car) Hotch just happened to be walking by with a handful of files on the way to his office. 

“You’re late.” He commented, not looking up from the paper he was reading. 

“Traffic was hell.” You fired back. 

“Yeah, and I’m sure that latte just magically transported into your hand.” He said, his tone blank and unreadable as usual. “I want all your reports about the case on my desk by tonight.” 

Usually, there was a grace period of two or three days to get the reports about a case done. But clearly, Hotch didn’t like your tardiness. You considered it worth it. 

“Yes sir.” You mumbled under your breath. 

He didn’t say anything else after that, simply retreated off to his office. 

You figured he couldn’t be that mad. He knew the job could be an emotional strain, and it was okay to deviate from such a hard routine every now and then. Especially because now you were going to be spending the next five hours writing out all the gory details of how you had pulled a horseshoe out of a woman’s dead torso in order to catch a killer. 

You walked over to your desk, which was right in front of Reid’s, and placed down the paper bag with the croissant on top of one of his files. This easily distracted him from whatever he had been writing - most likely one of his reports about the case. 

“Almond croissant,” You said, placing down your coffee cup and placing your purse underneath your desk. “Your favorite, right?” 

“It is.” He grinned at you. “Thank you.” 

It was that sweet little smile, those big kind eyes staring up at you through the lenses of his glasses like you hung the stars in the sky - it was that bit of sweetness that got you through writing your reports. So yeah, it probably wasn’t just dark humor and nihilism that helped you keep your sanity. It had a lot to do with the pretty boy you got to sit across from every single day. 

You worked on your reports. And yeah, you took too many coffee breaks, including a long lunch break with Elle, Penelope, and JJ where they insisted on discussing your ‘crush’ on Spencer. 

You denied it. 

Elle profiled your lie (which you insisted was not a lie) and JJ laughed about it. Penelope started humming wedding music under her breath and you threatened to spit in her salad. 

By the time you actually got the reports done, it was late. Everyone else had gone home - except for Spencer, who was still sitting at his desk across from you with his lamp on and an air of quiet concentration. When you got finished with the last report, you slammed the file closed and let out a sigh, leaning back in your chair and running your hands harshly over your face. 

“Finally done?” Spencer’s delicate voice inquired, peeking up over the median between the desks to look at you. 

“Yes, finally.” You grinned back at him. “You done too?” 

You couldn’t help but to ask. Spencer was always incredibly quick with his reports, simply by the nature of the speed at which he could read and compose writing. You wondered what exactly he had been doing at his desk for the past few hours. Perhaps he had been looking through old case files, possibly unsolved ones, thinking up new leads while there was no pressure looming over his brilliant mind. 

“I finished up at three o’clock.” He said. 

You glanced at your watch - it was getting close to nine. That made you entirely curious about what he had been doing, sitting at his desk for that many hours. What had he felt the need to stay so late for? 

“So what has been keeping you busy this late into the night, Doctor?” You asked. 

“I was reading.” He told you honestly, motioning toward a thick novel that he had in his hands. 

“How many books do you have over there?” You chuckled. 

Again, you knew that because of the intense speed he was capable of reading at, it would take a lot of books to keep him busy. 

“Just one.” He answered, easily catching your eye and maintaining eye contact. 

Both of you knew what this meant. 

For a while, he had been rereading through old case files. But, not wanting to haunt himself with those gory details, he had chosen instead to simply sit at his desk and reread the same book over and over again because he had wanted to keep you company. 

What you didn’t know was that his mind had still been heavily plagued by thoughts of your sex toy discussion from the other day, so he wasn’t exactly reading at lightning speed as per usual. Instead - letting his imagination wander, thinking about where he would get a silicone vagina if he wanted to buy one and if a toy would feel as good as yours. What yours would feel like around his penis if he ever got the minuscule chance to actually experience it. 

“The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot - but um, I was waiting for you, actually.” Spencer announced, making his intentions entirely clear, just in case you hadn’t already figured it out. “I was hoping maybe we could get dinner together? We haven’t - we haven’t hung out in a while.” 

He seemed nervous asking you this, even though you were always enthusiastic in welcoming his invitations to spend time together outside of work. 

Last month, he had brought you to a conservatory housing and actively breeding endangered species of butterflies in order to save the populations from extinction. It was a building full of plant life, an indoor jungle filled with the beautiful insects that took your breath away. Listening to him ramble on about the different species and their latin names, the patterns on their wings and their purpose of camouflage - it had been one of the most pleasant, most romantic non-dates of your life. 

You didn’t understand why others on the team acted like his presence, especially his ramblings, could be a bother. 

“Sounds good.” You told him with a smile. 

He smiled back at you fondly. 

“I have to drop these on Hotch’s desk and then we can go.” You explained as you stood up and began gathering your files. “But uh, I don’t really feel like going out? I’m way more in the mood for take-out and a comfy couch.” 

“There’s a good Chinese place a few minutes away from my apartment.” He told you. “If you consider my couch comfortable?” 

You resisted the urge to tell him that you loved his apartment because the smell of books penetrated every inch of it; the scent of yellowing, worn paper living there like the comfort of a library. But you held that back - choosing instead to say something else. 

“The comfiest,” You grinned at him as you walked by with the armful of files. 

… 

You weren’t entirely sure when you were going to give the ‘gifts’ to Spencer. 

A large part of you thought that it would be best to have an out, in case he got embarrassed, or hated it. Most likely, you would wait until after dinner and hand him the bag on your way out without telling him what it was. Which was why you shoved the black plastic bag holding the lube and the sex toy into your oversized purse while Spencer was distracted with carrying the takeout bag toward his apartment. 

One thing that had not surprised you about Spencer when you found it out: he didn’t have basic cable. Part of you was surprised that someone who was so pro-book and anti-technology even had a TV at all. But apparently he had some favorites that he couldn’t stand to miss out on, like Doctor Who and Star Wars. So he had a DVD player hooked up to a very small TV that was banished off to a corner of his living room. A device that was dwarfed by bookcases, which did make a lot of sense. 

He said that he spent so much time reading and away at work, traveling for cases that it just didn’t make sense to pay for cable. He said that he could get his mental enrichment from reading, and his nerdy pleasure from rewatching his old favorites, and apparently he got the news from listening to the radio. The radio. Sometimes you wondered if he was Benjamin Button - an old man who had somehow gotten into the body of a twenty five year old. It truly mystified you. 

Either way, it meant that you spent dinner with season three of Friends on as background noise. Friends being a box set of DVDs that you had gifted him because you considered it to be classic television that he needed to see. The first time he had asked Morgan to his face if a girl had ‘friendzoned’ him with full confidence in what the term meant, you knew that Spencer had been watching it in his free time. 

You easily fell into the comfort of your surroundings, enjoying the comforting canned laughter of the show, paired with the delightfully greasy food and Spencer’s ongoing commentary - both about the show, and about other, completely unrelated things. You were so relaxed that you had almost completely forgotten about the gift you had waiting in your bag for him. 

It was such a strange coincidence that he had been the one to bring it up. 

He offered to take your plate into the kitchen, leaving behind a waft of soy sauce as he went. You were wonderfully full and reached to the small side table where you were nursing a half empty (now warm) diet coke. You took a few sips from it, and heard Spencer’s footsteps shuffling back into the room. He hovered behind you as you watched Monica rush out of her bedroom with her phone pressed to her chest, concerned about calling Richard. 

You were so focused on the show that you almost didn’t hear Spencer’s shy, tentative voice when he spoke. 

“I’m sorry about the other day.” He said quietly. 

“Hmm?” You looked over your shoulder at him, wondering what he meant. 

He was rather nervously fidgeting with his hands, standing in the white glow of the TV in the dimly lit room - the only other source of light being a small lamp on the side table and dimness of the light above the stove shining in from the kitchen at his back. 

You grabbed up the remote and paused the show, silencing the characters and their temporary problems in order to address the stress that Spencer was very clearly feeling - his whole body tight, hunched over, his face quite tight with worry. 

“I’m sorry about the other day.” He repeated himself, slightly louder this time - perhaps not more confident, but simply not drowned out by any further noise. 

You didn’t want to butt in, and gave him the room to explain himself slowly. 

“I - I didn’t mean to put you in such an… uncomfortable position. If I don’t understand the things you say, I should just pull you aside and ask you privately what you meant.” He sighed. “I - I know that I need to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes. It’s something I’m working on.” 

You became flooded with peril at this. Had he really thought that he had inconvenienced you? Put you in an ‘uncomfortable’ position? 

“Come sit down.” You told him, beginning to feel annoyed with craning your neck back to get a proper look at him. 

Like a dog being beckoned, he couldn’t help but to follow your order. 

He sunk down against the other arm of the three seater couch, leaving quite a bit of space between the two of you. He had his arms folded - closed off, clearly nervous. His eyes were focused on the leg of his pants, distinctly refusing to look at you. Perhaps he was afraid he would find disgust or disappointment among your features. You turned off the TV completely then and angled your body to face him before you continued speaking. 

“First of all, you don’t need to learn to keep your mouth shut.” You told him easily. “I’m not sure who, or what gave you that impression, but it’s not true. Whenever you open your mouth, something brilliant comes out, and we’re all better for it.” 

Reid’s lips flexed into a smile at the intense direct praise, and this made you happy. 

“Second, you didn’t make me uncomfortable the other day.” You told him honestly. “I meant what I said - despite you being a genius, there are still some things you need to learn. And I’m more than happy to teach you.” 

These words sent a shiver down Spencer’s spine. 

There were so many things that he would beg for you to teach him if given the chance. But he didn’t want to embarrass himself. And most importantly, he didn’t want to come off as creepy or desperate toward someone as perfect as you. 

When he dared to glance up at you, you were boldly staring him down. You wore a small smirk across your face. Heat began to stir in Spencer’s gut, and he couldn’t help but to wonder if you were thinking the exact same things that he was. 

You couldn’t be. You couldn’t possibly want someone like him. You couldn’t possibly want a nervous, inexperienced ‘virgin’ like him. 

Oh, but you did. 

You were thinking all of the same things that he was. You were imagining giving him the most intricate ‘hands on’ lessons for everything he had ever been curious about. Giving him the most close-up, detailed tour of the female anatomy he ever could have asked for. 

“Spencer,” You called out his name gently. 

This forced his attention up from fiddling with a loose thread on the edge of the couch cushion - clearly something out of nervousness - and got him to look at your face. You wondered how someone who was six feet tall could look so delicately small, purposefully slumped over in his seat like that. You wondered what his pretty features would look like warped by an orgasm. 

“What are you thinking about right now?” You asked him. You had to know if he was truly on the same filthy wavelength as you. 

He knew he had to make up a lie. Because he wouldn’t be brave enough to speak the words out loud. He was too shy to actually tell you that he was wondering what it would be like to bury his face between your breasts, that he wanted to drown there. 

“You… you did get me curious.” Spencer admitted quietly. “About the… the - uh-” 

He trailed off, clearly too nervous to say the word for himself now that he knew the filthy implications behind it. 

“About the fleshlight?” You finished the sentence for him, wanting to encourage him. 

You wanted to make him feel brave about the topic. You were too curious about where this interaction was heading - you couldn’t bear to have him get shy on you now. 

“Yeah.” He nodded, nervously clearing his throat. 

He went back to fidgeting with the edge of the couch cushion, once again purposefully looking anywhere but at your face. You stared him down with purpose, all too intrigued by whatever might come out of his mouth next. Especially with the tense, thoughtful expression dipped along his eyebrows - the same one he got when he was reading or staring at maps. 

“I was thinking - I was curious - curious about - about where someone might get one of those.” He finally announced. 

He put intense stress on the word ‘where’ - his voice low, almost a lulling whisper in the already quiet apartment. He was speaking as though he was asking you about something incredibly illicit. Like a college kid asking where he could buy weed or a lonely man in his thirties inquiring about a prostitute. Though sex toys were perfectly legal, you guessed that for someone like Spencer, this was just as trepidacious. 

You felt a sense of eager giddiness stir within you. You resisted the urge to bounce on the spot like an excitable, hyper kid on their birthday waiting to open their present. Even though he wasn’t looking at your face, you forced yourself to hold back a grin. 

You didn’t want to ruin the surprise, after all. It was just too perfect. 

“Well… lucky for you, Doctor Reid,” You told him, easily capturing his attention with the use of his proper title and the fact that you shifted slightly in your seat, reaching down by your feet to grab your bag. “I happen to have a spare one right here.” 

Spencer watched you cautiously, his neck still sloped with anxious shyness. He almost had to believe that this was a prank, and you would pull a tape recorder out of your bag and laugh because you had captured his perversion for everyone to know about. 

But of course - you weren’t that cruel. You were honest, and you were definitely not half as shy as he was. In fact, he would go so far as to say that you didn’t have a bashful bone in your body. 

So of course, it made sense that it was not a big deal for you to walk into one of those stores and simply purchase that kind of toy. 

Spencer watched eagerly as you pulled out a cardboard box. He heard the rustle of plastic inside your bag and guessed that it was a shopping bag. But he couldn’t be too focused on that once your arm extended out to him, showing him what the rectangular box was. 

Spencer had never seen a sex toy in person before, but he quickly realized that they were packaged similarly to any other product. A clean, white background with a picture of the product on it, several claims and promises (‘new and improved design!’) (‘easy to clean!’) (‘soft and durable!’) - and a picture of someone smiling on the front, unconsciously promising a good user experience. In this case, it was a stereotypically beautiful woman in lingerie holding the… item, as though it were comparable… to her… to her parts. 

“Open it.” You encouraged him, wagging the box in his direction. “Unless you don’t want it. I could return it.” 

It was then that Spencer realized he had been sitting with his hands numbly in his lap for several silent moments, staring at the box in your extended hand. 

“Oh!” He said quietly. “No! I mean - yes. I - um.” Rather than trying to articulate it, he reached out and grabbed the item, finding it surprisingly heavy. It easily compared to the weight of a good book in his hands. “Thank you.” 

You would be lying if you said that watching him inspect the sex toy as though it were an object from an alien planet wasn’t the hottest thing you had seen in your entire life. Doctor Reid approached this the same way that he approached everything else in life: with intense scrutiny. Clearly his analytical mind was working hard as he carefully peeled back the cardboard flap of the box and slid out his prize. 

You had to wonder if that mind of his ever shut off. 

You wondered if you could make him dumb and cum drunk, make his head completely empty. You wondered what he would look like mindlessly chasing an orgasm, begging for release with absolutely no statistics or scientific papers running around inside that big brain of his. You wanted to see him completely worn down, just his base instincts at play. You wanted to see him with just the need to fuck and cum and have his release pounding between his ears as he whined desperately for more. 

There was a sharp pain between your legs, intense arousal at the thought of it. 

That arousal only increased when Spencer dropped the box in his lap and then - like man walking on the moon for the first time - he held the toy delicately in one hand and popped the cap off with the other. Clearly, it was a big discovery for him. Watching his eyes widen with shock did bring you an intense joy. It also immediately made you wonder if seeing the silicone pussy was his first time seeing a pussy so up close and personal at all. That thought only made your own cunt throb with need. 

What he did next nearly sent you into orbit. 

He gently placed the cap down on his lap, and without looking at you, his thoughtful eyes still entirely focused on the fake pussy - he reached toward it and oh-so-gently stroked his fingers across it. From your perspective, with the angle he was holding it at, you had a perfect view of his gorgeous hand delicately exploring the toy. Your cunt fluttered, clenching around nothing, and you knew that at this point you were definitely sitting in soaked underwear. If you didn’t know Spencer any better, you would have guessed that he was doing this on purpose, to tease you. 

But that’s what made it so perfect - he was just naive, just exploring these things for the first time. 

When he dipped two of his fingertips into the opening of the toy, you had to consciously hold back a moan. It was almost too hot watching his strong, thick fingers get swallowed up by the soft entrance of the toy. Of course, imagining how those fingers would feel dipping into your pussy with such tender grace. 

“Wow.” Spencer said quietly, almost a gasp under his breath as he pulled his fingers back, in pure awe at this new discovery. “I didn’t expect it to be so soft.”

“It’ll feel even better when it’s wet.” 

The words came so naturally from your lips, you couldn’t have stopped them if you tried. 

Spencer looked up at you with a distinct pinkness spreading over his cheeks, clearly imagining that tight, soft wetness wrapped around his cock. 

You dared to take a glance downward and surely enough - beside where the empty box was sitting in his lap, a bulge was forming in his slacks, pressing harshly against the zipper. You deeply resisted the urge to reach over and grope that bulge, not wanting to scare him by coming on too strong. Instead, you put that grabby hand back into your purse to get the other thing you had to give to him. 

“Another lesson for the genius,” You announced, extending out the bottle of lube for him to see it. This time he was quicker to grab it, bringing it up to his face to inspect it with thoughtful eyes. “Water based lubricant is best. It’s water soluble, so it’s easy to clean up. And unlike other kinds, it won’t wear down the silicone of the toy over time or wear through the latex of condoms.” 

You bringing up condoms caused a jolt in Spencer’s chest. Were you just giving him some friendly advice about safe sex or - or did you actually intend to have intercourse with him? Would there be a need for condoms between the two of you in the future? 

The words gave him a temporary bold streak (that and the sexual adrenaline pumping through his system) and he decided to voice his thoughts before he became too shy. 

“Can I ask you something?” He asked quietly, his voice taking on that sweet, mousy quality that it usually did whenever he got nervous. 

“Of course.” You nodded. 

You thought that he might have more questions about the lube or the toy. But what he said next - combined with the fact that he looked at you shyly through his lashes like a doll, like he knew exactly what he was doing - absolutely knocked the wind out of you. 

“You… You said that you like teaching me things. So - do you think-?” 

He paused for a moment, clearing his throat. 

“Could - could you give me a demonstration?” He asked, his voice still shy and sweet. 

Your lips gaped in shock - at first you thought you had misheard him. And when the words fully penetrated your ears, you thought that you had somehow misunderstood him. He couldn’t possibly mean-? He wanted you to use the toy on him? 

You were shocked that Spencer Reid was openly asking for something like that. 

Seeing the shock and slight confusion across your features, Spencer’s mouth raced past his better judgment. His lips plowed over that thing in the back of his brain nagging at him to shut up - and he kept on going. 

“It only seems logical that, when tackling something new, especially something this… skill-based, I would need to be shown what to do.” He explained, his mouth running off in that way it always did when he sounded far too much like he knew what he was talking about. “It seems advisable to be shown by someone with more experience. Experience that I don’t have. I need you to show me. Please.” 

The last word came out as a breathy plea from him. You could have easily gotten stuck on the fact that he had basically just admitted to you that he was a virgin. But instead, him simply saying that word: ‘please’, begging to you like your attention was the most precious thing in the world; it kickstarted something in your brain and switched on the dominant persona that you had always wanted to use with him. 

The air shifted in the room then, and you both knew it. It was like a fire crackling around you. Spencer didn’t know what to do with it, but luckily, you did. He waited with anxious breath for your guidance, your instruction. 

“You need me to show you?” You repeated his words, using the buttery sweet voice that you usually did when you had someone so willing and pliant for you. 

Instinctively, you reached over to him and gently cupped his cheek. He easily leaned into the touch, shuddering with delight and letting out a small sigh as you made contact with his skin for the first time. It was the first time you had really touched him, aside from casual hugs of comfort after stressful situations that the job naturally gave the two of you. But this was entirely different. 

He hummed in affirmation to answer your question, his eyes growing large with lust, pupils blown out as he melted into you. 

“What do you want me to show you, pretty boy?” You asked, running your thumb along his bottom lip, admiring how absolutely pink his mouth was. 

You hoped that you could prompt a genuine answer out of him - get him to say the words. You had never heard Spencer talk about anything crude before, and you wondered if he was even capable of talking dirty. You hoped that if he wouldn’t say the words on his own, you could coach him into doing it. You could only imagine the satisfaction of getting that smart mouth to utter such filthy things. 

“I want…” Spencer swallowed harshly, clearly having a difficult time with his mouth drying out now that you had a hand on him, even though the touch was fairly ‘innocent’. “I want you to show me… everything.”

The intense emphasis that he put on the word sent sparks flying inside of you. 

It sounded like he wanted a lot more than just a ‘demonstration’ of the toy. It sounded like he wanted a lot more than just a one night stand to get off. 

Intense want flared up of you. 

The temptation to own him, to make him yours… the temptation to take all of his first and have him tied to you like a lost puppy because of it - it was an intense one. But you wouldn’t hurt him, no. You would do it right. You would own him in that way because he wanted it just as badly as you did. 

“Spencer,” 

You said his name suddenly, harconing for his attention with it. You stroked your thumb along his cheek before you pulled the touch away completely. His head bobbed forward slightly to chase your hand, but he let you go without protest. 

“If we’re going to do this, there has to be rules.” You told him firmly. “If I’m going to be your teacher, you have to listen to me. Teachers need rules, right?” 

Spencer nodded vigorously at this. 

“Of course. Yeah - yeah. You’re right.” He eagerly agreed. Then of course, he asked the obvious question. “What are the rules?” 

You beamed a smile at him, loving his enthusiasm. 

You knew that he would be a good boy. He was so eager to follow rules, to learn. Your body began tingling with delight at the thought of him looking up at you with hazy eyes, asking for his next command. 

You had to forcibly clear your head. Right now you had to be level headed in order to teach him the rules. 

“Okay the first rule - the most important one,” You prefaced, causing Spencer to straighten up slightly, showing his attentiveness, an eager student ready to learn. “Is that you need to pick a safeword. A word you can say during the scene so that I can know if you’re uncomfortable or if you need to stop.” 

“‘The scene’?” Spencer asked, repeating back the phrase to you. “Also - why can’t the safeword just be ‘stop’, or ‘no’? Wouldn’t you just stop things if I said ‘no’?” 

You decided to tackle his questions one at a time. 

“Calling it a ‘scene’ - it’s lingo.” You said. “You know that everything comes with its own set of linguistics.” You told him, playing into his pre-existing knowledge. He nodded at this. 

You then continued your explanation. 

“A ‘scene’ means… any type of sexual play. Some people call it ‘playtime’. It’s lingo that exists because for a lot of people, sex is much more than just intercourse. It can start with speech and behavior and any interactions that they have with their partner when they’re alone. Like foreplay. So a safeword needs to be included in those moments too, in case someone needs to call timeout.” 

Spencer nodded at this. It made him wish that he had developed a safeword with Lila Archer. Not because he hadn’t enjoyed the oral sex - but because to this day, he still shuddered at the possibility of being embarrassed by someone walking in on them, or the consequences if someone found out about the improprieties of it all. 

“As far as the safeword being ‘no’, or ‘stop’...” You took the time to find the right words to explain it. 

Spencer waited patiently, feeling curious about this. 

“I will always look out for your safety, and if you seem uncomfortable, I’ll ask you if you’re okay.” You assured him, giving him a gentle pat on the knee. Spencer smiled at this, and you enjoyed that you had comforted him with these words. 

“But sometimes ‘no’ doesn’t work.” You went on to explain. “Like… if I asked you something like ‘do you want me to stop?’ and you say ‘no’, that is a positive affirmation to continue what I’m doing, but it uses a negative word. Same thing with the word ‘stop’. If you told me ‘don’t stop’ - but your voice was too quiet on the first word or I didn’t properly hear you, then I may stop when you wouldn’t want me to.” 

For the first time, Spencer felt as though he was the one being schooled. 

You telling him ‘I may stop when you don’t want me to’ had him drawing an image up in his head of you vigorously riding him, taunting him while you were so well composed and he was reduced to a stuttering mess because of your wetness clenching around him. With you mistaking his words for a signal of distress, and taking away your beautiful body before he got to orgasm. It would be tragic. 

He easily understood what you meant. 

“The point of a safeword,” You continued on. “Is that it stands out. It’s a word you would never otherwise say during playtime. A word that would never come up during sex - except for you signaling your discomfort. So when I hear that word, I know that we need to shift gears into aftercare.” 

“What’s aftercare?” Spencer asked, eager to learn another new term as it was introduced to him. 

Again, you were puzzled about how to explain it, how to put it into words for someone who had no clue what the word meant. 

These were things you had known about for years, words that were a natural part of your vocabulary now. Things you had been doing before you even knew the terms for it. It was strange having to explain it to someone so fresh. 

“It - um…” You thought for a moment. “Aftercare is what happens after a scene. It’s the period of time when you mentally and physically wind down, in order to take care of your body and mind. Because of the physical exertion and the endorphins, sex can be exhausting and mentally tedious, as much as it is fun. So - aftercare helps transition the body and mind back into non-sexual activities. Different people need different kinds of aftercare, but usually it’s things like: drinking water, eating a snack, cuddling, words of affirmation.” 

“That sounds nice.” Spencer said quietly. “Would you do that for me even - even though I’m not your boyfriend?” 

You held back what you instinctively wanted to say - that you wanted him to be your boyfriend. That you wanted to own him like a cute little pet and didn’t want any other woman (or man) to touch him. 

Instead, you went with the diplomatic answer. 

“Of course I would.” You told him. “Aftercare is part of being a good - a good teacher.” 

You quickly cut yourself off from using the word ‘dominant’ and replaced it with ‘teacher’ instead. You didn’t want to scare him with the idea that you would be intimidating, mean, cold - traditional ideas behind the term ‘dominant’. 

“I want to be good to you, Spence.” You quickly added on. 

His cock throbbed inside of his pants at this. 

“So, you have to pick your safeword.” You told him. “Something that stands out, something that will easily come to your mind.” 

Spencer took a moment, and you saw him take a sideways glance at the coffee table. The chess set that was there caught his eye, and that didn’t surprise you. 

“Bishop?” Spencer posed, looking at you with eyes that said he was absolutely searching for your approval. “Is that good?” 

“Yes, baby, that’s perfect.” You told him. 

If you did your job well enough as a dominant, then he wouldn’t need to use the word. 

You would be able to tell just by his body language and him voicing his enjoyment how far you should take things. And when he was comfortable enough, you would discuss other sexual acts, and what else you should try. Though, for tonight, you had a feeling you should take control without telling him too much of what you wanted to do. You didn’t need him getting shy on you just because of some dirty talk. 

“You said that was only the first rule,” Spencer mentioned, remembering what you had said. “What are the other rules?” 

“Well, the second rule is: you listen to me. You listen to everything I say. You do everything I say. You don’t question me.” You told him firmly. “Because I’m the teacher, I’m in charge.” 

Spencer wanted to question you then. He wanted to point out that this sounded like multiple rules, but the way you said ‘I’m in charge’ caused something inside of him to quake, and he easily fell under your authority. 

He nodded. 

“The next rule is: you speak when spoken to, Spencer.” You told him, your tongue sharp on the words. 

You were heavily enjoying ordering him around now. 

These were two roles that the two of you fell so naturally into: he was soft and submissive under your dominant energy, and he only wanted more as your ego thrived off his eager submission. It was the start of a beautiful relationship forming. 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” The title came flying out of his mouth before he could stop it, and then he instantly wanted to backpedal. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I like that.” You told him with a grin. “Though, if you want to give me a title, call me Miss.” 

You held back from telling him the true title you desired. Again, not wanting to scare him away. Perhaps it was something you could ween him towards on another day. 

“Yes, Miss.” He corrected, nodding. “Uh - Miss? Is - is there anything else?” 

“Only two more things.” You told him. Of course, you didn’t want to overload him, but you wanted him to know your most important rules up front. He looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to explain. “You can’t touch me without asking first. And of course, you can’t touch me unless I give you permission.” 

This news cast the saddest puppy look across his features. Clearly, he was deeply disappointed by the thought that he wouldn’t be able to grope and grab at your body freely. He was upset by the thought that you would deny him access to touching you. You could definitely use that if he ever misbehaved. 

“And the last thing is: you can’t cum without my permission.” You told him, almost as if it were an afterthought. With any of your other partners, it would have been. Because it would have been a basic ground rule. 

“Come where?” Spencer asked, his brows knit together in the most adorably confused manner you had seen yet. 

Of course, he was confused. He had never before heard someone use the term ‘cum’ to refer to an orgasm. He was used to hearing that word - ‘come’ - paired with something else like ‘come here’. So he wondered what the hell you possibly meant by it. 

You found yourself grinning like the cat who ate the canary as you realized that you would also have to explain this piece of slang to him. 

“No, Spence, not C-O-M-E, like the verb. It’s C-U-M. It’s slang used interchangeably with the word ‘orgasm’.” You explained to him. “Sometimes it can be a verb. Like the act of cumming, it means orgasming. Or sometimes it’s a noun. Sometimes people use the word ‘cum’ instead of saying semen. ‘Cum’ is the fluid. As in: ‘I want your cum inside of me’.” 

You intentionally teased him with this example, saying it as casually as a straight forward grammar lesson, looking him in the eyes the entire time. His eyes lit up at your words - obviously, he had no clue that such a simple sentence could turn him on so much. But the words immediately painted a picture in his mind of that white, sticky fluid dripping down your inner thighs, put there by him. It was so perfect that it almost made him dizzy. 

When Spencer didn’t say anything, you continued with your ‘lesson’. 

“When I said that you can’t cum without my permission, I meant that you can’t have an orgasm unless I say so.” You told him with finality.  

He looked struck with worry at this. Partially at the idea that he wouldn’t get to have an orgasm if you didn’t give him permission, and partially at the thought that if he accidentally orgasmed without your permission, you would be angry with him and cut off all further sexual contact. 

“What’s wrong, Spence?” You had to ask. 

“How - how does that work?” He asked, all too curious at how he could stop himself from orgasming or how he could get your permission first. 

“Well, you know what it feels like when you’re about to have an orgasm, right?” You asked, really hoping that he at least masturbated regularly. You didn’t think you could have the burden of giving him his first ever orgasm. He nodded and this and you felt a small breath of relief leave you. “So, when you feel like that, you simply ask me if you’re allowed to cum. Ask me if you can cum.” 

“Will you let me?” Spencer asked nervously, sheepishly. You distinctly noticed how he avoided the word. He didn’t say the sentence as you had. You yearned to hear him say ‘will you let me cum?’ - but you knew you had to give him time to shake off his shyness. 

“If you’ve been a good boy, then yes.” You told him. “Good boys follow the rules. But I don’t think you’ll have any problems, Spence.” 

You saw him relax at this - any tension leaving his muscles. 

You conveniently left out the part where you might edge him, might not let him cum just for your own amusement. 

“I think that’s all for now.” You told him. “Now that we have the rules set - do you wanna play with your new toy?” 

Spencer’s face absolutely lit up at this. 

“Yes, please.” He said, his voice somehow still shy and quiet. “Yes, please, Miss.” 

Your stomach jolted with intense pleasure at his declaration. 

Spencer thought that you would simply grab the toy from him and unzip his pants. He was surprised when you stood up, and began looking around the room as though you were looking for something. But in alignment with the rules, he didn’t question you. He didn’t ask what you were looking for or why. Instead, he just sat there quietly and waited for your instructions. 

When you seemed satisfied with your idea, you then began moving around. You leaned down and pushed away the coffee table, pushing it as far back as it would go. This made a fair amount of space in front of the couch. And before Spencer could become truly curious about it, you turned to the side of the room - toward a space where he had a small table. 

It was meant to be a sort of ‘dining’ table, suitable for one or two people in an apartment like his. It had two chairs, but one of the chairs was piled up with books and the surface of the table had some files on it that he had taken home from work. He did sit on the other chair to eat occasionally - during the rare times he actually sat down and had a meal at home. 

You grabbed the empty chair - which was a wooden chair with a round back and decorative wooden bars coming off the seat, holding the back of it up. (Something Spencer had picked up at a yard sale.) And then you put the chair in the middle of the room, right in the space you had cleared from moving the coffee table. The chair was facing the couch - and it became apparent to Spencer then that this was a stage. 

You were either going to sit in that chair and watch him, or he was going to be the thing on display in the middle of the room. The idea of that happening - the idea of you watching him like a show, like he was something to admire - that put a twist in his stomach. It was something almost too daunting for him to conquer. He found himself swelling with shyness again, wanting to back down from this. 

He feared that he wouldn’t be able to impress you. He feared that he was gangly, thin, undesirable. He feared that his experience would steer him wrong somewhere and he would mess up terribly and turn you off. 

He thought that he wouldn’t be able to impress you. 

But he wanted to impress you so badly. He wanted you. He wanted your touch. He wanted to be a good boy for you, like you had said. 

“Give me your belt.” You said, turning to him expectantly and holding out your hand. 

“My - my belt?” He asked. 

Then, he immediately scolded himself inside as he realized that was questioning you, and against the rules. 

You let that one slide. He was still getting used to this, and it must have been an odd, confusing instruction to hear right off the bat. 

“Yes, your belt. I need it.” You said, still holding out your hand. “Come on.” 

Spencer stood up then, his hands and legs shaking slightly from nerves and the overwhelming lust. Although he was taller than you, he felt so entirely small as you stared at him, waiting patiently while his shaking hands struggled to undo the buckle and then slip the leather out of the belt loops.

When he finally handed it over to you, you took the belt in hand and inspected it for a moment before you quietly said ‘perfect’ under your breath. You then looked between Spencer and the chair - he was still wearing his work attire. A cardigan, a button up shirt and tie, his usual slacks, and his adorable dorky glasses. He had taken off his shoes at the door, revealing his oddly sweet mismatched socks. 

“Spencer,” 

You called his name, capturing his attention from where he was swaying on the spot, nervously fidgeting with the buttons on his cardigan to avoid looking at you. As soon as he looked up at you with those big, wet eyes, you felt confident in giving him your next instruction. 

“I want you to take off all your clothes. Except for your glasses and your socks.” You told him, giving him his first proper orders. 

He held his voice in his throat when he felt the need to question you about it, to ask you why. 

You wanted him to keep the glasses on because they brought an entirely dorky charm to him - you wanted to see if they would fog up when he became heated with lust. The socks? You thought they were cute, but it was mostly a test to see how closely he would follow the instructions. To test how well he would listen. 

He did as he was told. He stripped off his sweater, and then his tie, and then his watch, leaving his wrists nice and bare for you. His fingers began to shake slightly as he descended on the buttons of his shirt - clearly, he was feeling nervous once again, so you decided to give him some encouragement. 

“You’re being such a good boy, Spence.” You told him. “So good for me.” 

He let out a quiet breath at the praise - a precursor to a moan. It was something that compelled him to strip faster, and gave him a small boost of courage when reaching for the zipper of his pants. After he unzipped them - his erection clearly fighting to be freed of the fabric - your mouth began watering at the sight as he reached for the waistband of his pants and his underwear all at once and slid them down. 

A snake of surprising length popped out of his pants. His dick began bobbing around carelessly, smearing shiny precum all over his skin as he unhooked himself from the legs of his pants and put them aside. 

You had to marvel at it. 

You had never really thought about what Spencer might look like naked before. You had never allowed your mind to venture there. But now that you were seeing his cock: nine inches long, skinny and lean like he was, pale with a bright pink tip, sprouting from a thick thatch of dark pubic hair - it just made sense. He was tall and gangly, and so was his cock. It would be an impressive sword to impale yourself upon - but that would be for another day. 

Spencer caught you staring, of course. 

He had the urge to cover himself with his hands, and found himself clenching his fists by his sides because he figured that you wouldn’t like him trying to hide from you. 

He wondered if it looked weird. He wondered if you didn’t like it. He wondered-

“You’re beautiful, Spencer.” You said, your voice so drenched in utter sincerity that you almost broke into a gasp trying to get the words out. “So fucking beautiful.” 

Again, he wanted to question you - but didn’t. He wanted to be a good boy. He would follow the rules. 

“Th-thank you, Miss.” He muttered out quietly, almost unable to accept the compliment. 

“Come here, sit down.” You told him, motioning toward the chair. 

He nodded, his legs feeling rather numb as he moved to follow your instructions. When his ass made contact with the wooden surface of the chair, he let out a gasp at how cool it was compared to his heated skin. You quietly giggled at this, and then grabbed the belt from where you had put it down. He grew tense and curious once again when you walked behind him. 

You grabbed one of his wrists and began to guide it behind him, but he was so tense that you knew it would be uncomfortable for him. You eased your touch with a flat palm up his forearm and bicep, across his shoulder until you could press the weight of your thumb into the base of his neck. He moaned lightly at this, melting into the touch. 

“Relax, baby.” You urged. Spencer relaxed even further at the nickname, absolutely blooming with affection inside because of it. “I’m not gonna do anything to hurt you. I just want to make you feel good.” 

To drive home this point, you leaned in and planted a simple kiss on the back of his head, and then one on the side of his neck. Spencer let out a fluttering moan at this. He wanted more of those kisses, but he couldn’t work up the nerve to ask for it. 

He could find no faults with what you had said, so he did his best to do as you instructed. He relaxed, leaning back fully against the chair - which was slightly uncomfortable while he was completely naked and throbbing hard, waiting for you to touch him more. But he trusted you. 

You grabbed one of his wrists, and then the other, and guided them behind his back. 

It was much easier now that his muscles were softer, more pliant to you. 

You knelt down and used the belt to tie them simply. You looped the belt through the wooden slats so his hands would be held to the chair, and then placed both of his wrists into the loop. You didn’t want it to be so tight that the material would cut into his wrists painfully or cut off circulation, you just wanted to restrict his movement. 

Which would absolutely be the case when his arms were bound behind him, awkwardly tied to the back of the chair. You hooked the buckle into the smallest notch, giving him a bit of room to move, a bit of a gap to put your finger between the belt and his skin. However, it put his shoulders at an awkward angle so he would need your help getting out of it. 

“Is that okay?” You asked. “Not too tight? Be honest.” 

Spencer thought that he should feel slightly afraid or too vulnerable - being completely naked and tied to a chair like this. But with you, he felt safe. 

“It’s good.” He told you honestly. “Not too tight.” He assured you, moving to show off that wiggle room, demonstrating that the material wasn’t cutting into his wrists. 

“Good,” You sighed quietly, standing up once again. 

You walked around him like a predator circling their prey, making graceful, careful moments as you took in the sight of him. 

He was absolutely, beautifully sinful in this state. 

Stripped entirely naked, except for those glasses and those adorable, mismatched socks, sitting in the chair with his hands bound behind his back. All while he stared at you with his wide, expectant eyes, waiting for whatever your next move would be. While his heavy, hard cock leaked freely against his stomach, smearing a trail of sticky precum across his skin. 

You reached forward and grabbed his chin, tilting his head up slightly to look at you. Having someone as tall as Spencer look up at you for a change was entirely powerful. You held him there while you asked him a very important question. 

“You gonna be good for me?” You asked him. 

Instinctively for him, there was only one answer. 

“Yes.” He whimpered out. “Yes, Miss. I want to be good for you.” 

The pure sincerity of his declaration caused another wave of wetness from your aching pussy. For now, you would ignore your own needs. You would take care of him, make sure that this was a pleasurable experience for him. 

“Good boy,” You praised him, giving him a light kiss on the forehead - to which he sighed quietly in delight. 

Then, you let go of his face completely and turned to grab the item that had started this whole thing. 

You were excited to finally use it on Spencer. 

Spencer watched with awe and intrigue as you grabbed the toy and then the lube - you peeled off the plastic shrink wrap on the lube bottle with your teeth, and then popped the cap. And you turned so Spencer could see as you poured a generous amount of lube into the opening of the toy. 

“Don’t be afraid to use too much lube,” You told him, being a proper teacher. “In my opinion, there’s no such thing as ‘too wet’. But ‘too dry’ can cause skin irritation from friction. Or tearing if you’re trying to insert something like fingers or a penetrative toy. Like a dildo. Adequate lubrication always reduces the risk of both those things,” 

Spencer wanted to ask if there were other kinds of penetrative toys aside from dildos, but he figured that would be a question for another time. 

“Yes, Miss.” He nodded in understanding, absorbing what you had told him. 

You looked between the toy and his cock, and realized you might as well slick him up beforehand. 

You took a step closer to him and put the thickness of the fleshlight between his thighs, propping it there while you quietly mumbled ‘hold this’ - which caused him to tense his thighs in order to keep it from falling. He became enraptured by the sight of the silicone pussy, lubed and wet as a real one would be. He was so distracted by the sight that he almost didn’t take in you pouring lube into your hand before you capped the bottle and put it aside. 

“This is probably gonna be cold,” You warned him quietly before you used your lubed hand to take a hold of his cock. 

It was. And he let out a harsh gasp - from the shock of the cold wetness, a sound that quickly turned into a strangled moan as you formed a loose grip around his cock and began spreading the wetness over him with purpose. The lube soon warmed between your palm and the throbbing skin of his cock, and he unconsciously bucked into your touch, almost knocking the fleshlight out from resting between his thighs. 

“Stay still.” You ordered sharply, shoving his hips back down with your free hand. 

The harshness behind your voice, and your thumb pressing into his hip bone sent him reeling. He was so pliant under your touch. Between your commanding authority and the slickness of your lubed hand moving in a slow rhythm in lazy pumps up and down his cock - he was already way too fucking close. 

You knew it. You could see the way his stomach muscles quaked, the tensing of his thighs. Those little lilting gasps like music to your ears. 

You wondered if he would spurt cum all over your hand before he warned you. (If he did, you would likely pump him through it just to see if he would get hard again.) 

“Miss-!” He hollered, choking on the word. 

You abruptly stopped then. You stiffened your grip around the base of his cock - which was now nicely lubed up, and throbbing even harder as you effectively used your fingers around his pelvis like a cockring, causing his orgasm to fade dully back into his muscles. He let out a wounded sound, a confused moan from deep in his chest, his stomach shaking even harder as if he was trying to force the orgasm out past your gatekeeping touch. It was almost cute. 

“Yes, Spencer?” You asked, looking at him dumbly as though you had no clue what he had been trying to say. 

“I - I was getting close.” He completed the thought breathlessly. “C-close to orgasm.” 

Damn. If he was this fucked out now, you couldn’t wait to see what he would be like when you were done with him. 

“Well, good boys only cum with permission, right?” You said, grinning at him fiendishly. 

“Yes, Miss.” He said quickly, his voice dull with disappointment, but agreeable. 

“Good boy.” You praised once again. You felt his cock twitch in your hand at the words. “Besides, you haven’t even gotten a chance to try out your new toy yet.” 

You then grabbed up the toy and turned it over, using your hand on the base of his cock to feed his length into the fake pussy. More cool lube came rushing down to meet him, and his lungs shook once again and his heated skin was shocked by the feeling. It was strange, but pleasurable as his cock was enveloped by the soft, wet walls of the toy. It was so, so very tight around his cock - and oddly cool, far wetter than he had expected thanks to the amount of lube you had used. 

Spencer reasoned that it might be like sticking his cock in a watermelon, if that watermelon were also made of rubber bands. 

You knelt down in front of Spencer, looking in awe between the spot where his cock disappeared into the fake leaking pussy to his face. Seeing his reaction to this was utterly beautiful - the way his jaw naturally fell open, his eyes half closed as the pleasure overtook him. 

“Oh!” Spencer let out a sudden, high startled sound as you shoved the toy down onto his cock fully. 

Your eyes once again flickered between his dick and his face, and you came to an utterly stunning realization. 

He didn’t fully fit inside of the toy. 

There was about an inch of his cock that was still sticking out of it at the base, and with the resistance your hand had brought up into, you knew that he was fully seated inside of it. Well - as fully seated as he could get, apparently. 

It was one of the hottest things you had ever seen, and it sent a dizzying wave of endorphins through you. The sight of his cock not fully fitting into the silicone pussy was a stunning visual that made you realize just how deep he would go inside of you. It made your throat dry for a moment, forced you to swallow hard before you could speak. 

“You’re right here, baby?” You asked, tapping a finger on the top of the toy, knowing that he would feel it as a vibration through the plastic. 

He let out a gasp and bucked his hips up slightly, something that made you smile. He was too hazy to answer you already, something that you forgave for now. He was just too beautiful to scold in these moments. 

“Fuck, you don’t even fit into this thing all the way, do you?” You gasped quietly, still absolutely marveling at the sight. 

“I don’t?” Spencer gaped, finally looking down to where the toy was swallowing his cock, seeing as your words had captured his attention. “Is - is that bad?” 

He was struck with worry. He thought that perhaps his cock wasn’t right - that he shouldn’t be doing this, that you wouldn’t like him. 

It was in that moment that you realized what a treasure you had come across. A beautiful, intelligent man with a huge cock who had no idea how to use it. Someone who needed to be taught from scratch. Someone who could be molded into anything you wanted him to be. (At least in the sexual sense.) That, and he seemed to be naturally submissive and derive pleasure from following your orders. 

You most definitely weren’t going to let him go anytime soon. 

“No, baby, that’s a good thing.” You assured him. “That’s a great thing.” 

Spencer smiled at this - an expression that slacked off into a moan when you made your next move. 

You gave the toy a slow half-pump before you seated it on his cock again, seemingly knocking the wind out of them. Then, you let go of the toy completely, letting him sit there with the fleshlight on his cock, bobbing in mid-air. It began to rise up slightly as the tightness of it hugged his cock, and unconsciously, he bucked up his hips, seeking more friction. But of course - the object was simply hanging there, seated on his cock, unmoving. It was an entirely fruitless venture. 

With his hands tied behind his back, he needed you. It was an adorable struggle to watch for a moment, especially when his face knit with frustration and his thighs began to quiver from the effort. 

“Please,” He begged. He was so pretty when he begged. “Help me.” 

“You want me to help you fuck your toy?” You teased, reaching for it again. 

“Please, Miss.” 

When he whined like that, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. 

You took a good grip on the plastic then, and began a quick, smooth rhythm. You were eager to see his reaction to being fucked well, being fucked without hesitation. 

Spencer immediately shuddered and began letting out harsh whimpers. He bit his lip, but it didn’t keep the sounds from wailing out of his throat as you pumped the toy up and down on his cock. 

His chin was tilted down onto his chest, keeping his eyes locked on the place where the toy was devouring his hard cock. This caused his glasses to slip down his nose bridge slightly, something so entirely adorable to you in the moment. With his thighs tense and his stomach quaking, with that pool of artificial wetness leaking onto his pubes and slowly creeping down over his balls - he was so beautifully fucked out, the most perfect picture you had ever seen in your life. 

“Oh - oh, oh, oh god!” His mouth fell open once again and an array of sounds fell out, a beautiful little choir that you could have only dreamed of coming from him. “Oh, please!” 

You had to wonder if he was the type of person to swear when he came. Spencer was never the type of person to swear during other extreme situations. You had never seen him let out a single curse, not even with a gun to his head. 

You had to wonder if you could be the one to make him swear. 

“Please, Miss!” He squeaked out, sounding entirely wrecked and desperate. “Please, I’m close-!” 

You couldn’t resist the temptation of stilling the toy completely, abruptly cutting off his orgasm once again. Spencer let out a broken sound as his muscles jolted and the feeling ebbed through him - so close, but not quite there. It was like a terrible ache in his muscles. Like a deep, terrible thirst with nothing to drink. 

“Please,” He begged, his eyes shooting to lock onto you. “Please! Please, Miss.” 

“Please, what, baby?” You teased him, reaching up and gently carding your fingers through his hair, brushing some of it off his forehead. He had a light sheen of sweat going, his body clearly strained. It was delightful to witness. 

“Please,” He rasped out brokenly, so entirely desperate.  “I - I need it.” 

You bit your lip, holding back laughter at how perfect this was.

“Need what, baby?” You continued to tease him. “Come on, use your words.” 

He swallowed hard, and stared at you with glassy desperation in his eyes. Either he was shy, or had no clue what exactly it was you wanted him to say - so you decided to guide him along. 

“Say: I need to cum.” You told him, hoping that he was desperate enough now that he would simply repeat the filthy words. 

“I - I need to cum.” He repeated, only mild hesitation on his lips. 

“Say: I need you to make me cum.” You told him, pushing it a bit father. 

“I need you,” He said, pausing slightly to catch his breath. “Need you to make me cum.” 

“Good boy.” You praised him, running his hand through your hair once again. 

You stood up this time, and put one hand on the back of the chair behind his shoulder for leverage, leaning over him as you took the toy in hand and started moving it once again. This gave him a perfect view down your top, and his lustful gaze locked onto your swaying cleavage as you worked on jacking the fake pussy on his cock. It was a maddening suction that had him grunting lowly with every thrust, letting out whines, flexing his hips to fuck his cock up into the toy. 

“Does it feel good, pretty boy?” You asked, so heavily enjoying the sight of him so messy, so wrecked. 

“Yes!” He easily replied. 

“What are you thinking about? Hmm?” You couldn’t help but to ask. 

“I - hnng - I - I don’t know!” He gaped. 

Either he was lying, and simply didn’t want to tell you what was on his mind, or you had truly fucked his head empty. If it was the second, then you would heavily enjoy that fact. 

“You don’t know?” You asked, your voice absolutely teasing once again. “Well, that’s a first.” You chuckled. 

Spencer panted harshly, filling the space for a moment - along with the wet squelching of the toy moving up and down on his cock as your wrist continued to work. And then you became bold enough to ask the question that you truly wanted to. 

“You thinkin’ about my pussy?” You prodded. “You imagining that this toy is me? Wondering what’s gonna be like when I finally sit on your cock?” 

“Yes!” He was suddenly very eager to admit to this. Clearly it helped that he didn’t have to say the words for himself. “Yes! Yes, Miss! I want you. I want your-”

He cut himself off suddenly, moaning sharply as the tip of his cock brought up in the end of the fake pussy once again. It sent a jolt of pleasure-pain through him that had his skin boiling even hotter. You wondered if he would be bold enough to say the word ‘pussy’ or if you would have to heavily prompt him. 

But that thought left your head completely with his next words. 

“Oh! Oh, please! I’m so close!” 

Again, feeling the devil rise up inside of you, you stopped off his orgasm. 

This time, by pulling the toy away completely. You lifted the fleshlight off his cock, and watched with lustful joy as his cock slipped out of the opening with a wet pop. His thighs quaked with bitter agony and his long cock bobbed in the air, dripping thick waves of precum and lube as it separated from the toy. 

Everything was so wet. 

It was honestly a gorgeous sight, like a mini tidal wave dripping down onto the chair as the toy continued to leak the generous amount of lube you had put into it and his cock let out pathetic little spurts of precum. His pubes were glossy and matted together, his inner thighs were absolutely slick. He was glistening and whining harshly as the ruined orgasm crashed through his body, making his mind somehow even hazier and more desperate. 

“God!” He choked out. “Please!” 

He blinked harshly and a few tears escaped the corners of his eyes, making him look even more gorgeous somehow. 

“Please - please! I need - I need - oh god!” He began sobbing nonsensically, begging you for release as he was practically on the verge of madness. 

Your cunt throbbed at seeing him so wrecked - so utterly dependent on you. 

“Hey, hey, shh.” You reached your free hand out and thumbed under the edge of his glasses - the thick lenses only magnifying his glassy eyes and lustful, broken tears all the more. You soothed your touch across his burning cheek, reassuring him. “You’ve been such a good boy. I’m gonna let you cum now. Okay?” 

“Please!” He sobbed. 

Hearing his voice so broken and needy probably shouldn’t have turned you on so much, but you absolutely loved it. 

“Hey, shh,” You continued to rub his cheek, and he leaned into the touch. “I just need one thing from you first.” 

“Anything!” He easily declared. 

“I need you to say: ‘may I cum, please?’” You told him. 

It was a start on the scale of filthy things that you wanted to hear from his mouth, but it would definitely be oh so satisfying. 

And then - as if he knew exactly what he was doing to you, he blinked his big eyes and looked up at you through tear wet lashes, giving you the most pouty, fuckable look as he leaned into your hand before he said the words. 

“May I cum, please?” He asked. And then, like the wet dream that he was, he seamlessly added on. “Please, Miss. I-I’ve been a good boy.” 

“Yes, you have been.” You told him. “I’ll make you cum now baby.” 

You used both hands to get his cock back inside of the toy - the sound of his cock fucking back into the fake pussy was so much wetter, the whine he let out made your knees weak. 

You doubled your efforts now, even going so far as to squeeze your grip on the outside of the plastic - which made the silicone grip his cock just that little bit tighter as you slammed it up and down on him. Your movements were hard and fast in the effort to make him cum for certain this time. 

“Oh, oh, oh, you - oh!” Spencer began babbling nonsense, his words barely broken up by harsh breaths being sucked into his lungs and whimpers emanating from his throat at the intense pleasure. “Oh, Miss - you - you’re so - ah!” 

“Where’s that big IQ now, boy genius?” You taunted him, keeping up the brutal pace. “Did I make you all stupid? Did I melt your big brain? Huh?” 

Spencer all but confirmed this as truth when he gurgled out nothingness as a response. 

You felt slightly bolder, and you became slightly harsher in your degrading words. You almost couldn’t help yourself. You loved tearing him apart so much, having him melt under your touch. You couldn’t help but to brag about the amazing job you had done. 

“Just a dumb little baby now, aren’t you?” You cooed, your voice entirely condescending. “Just a stupid little boy for me. So cumdrunk you can’t even think now, huh? There’s no boy genius here now. Just a dumb baby who needs to cum.” 

He only inflated your ego with his next words. 

“Yes!” He shouted out, entirely confirming what you had said - if he had even properly heard it through the blood pumping in his ears. To him, it might have just been the raw hum of your voice in the background, like an undertone with no true words to it. “Yes! Need - need t’ cum!” 

It was the most incoherent you had ever known Doctor Spencer Reid to be. 

You stared on eagerly as you watched his stomach tighten up, his lungs struggling for breath. 

“Y/N-!” He gasped out your name right before it hit him. 

And when it hit him, when he finally tumbled over the edge into the abyss - boy, it was a big one. 

It was an intense, full body orgasm. His legs shook, his body arched off the chair as though he were having a seizure, actually putting a strain on his bonded arms for the first time. He wildly bucked up into the toy as you continued to work it over his cock, his mouth dropping open wildly as a strain of high pitched, needy whimpers poured out from between his pretty pink lips. 

You were feeling selfish, and you wanted to see him cum at least a bit. 

So knowing that he was riding the wave, you ripped the toy off him, causing a wounded noise to come out of him as his spurting cock fell from it. But you didn’t leave him hanging. You immediately replaced the toy with your hand, and put a tight grip around him, pumping viciously over his throbbing cock, wanting to milk the rest of the orgasm out of him by hand. 

The sudden, shocking overstimulation sent his body into overdrive. 

His thighs shook so hard it could have been mistaken for electrocution, he gasped like a drowning man - he would have begged for mercy, but he couldn’t catch his breath. 

It was the best feeling he had ever experienced. It was pure euphoria, it was heaven on earth. It was an icy hot fire running through his veins that he didn’t even know was possible. 

He had never experienced an orgasm like this before. He knew the feeling of an orgasm to be more like a dull tickle in his groin. But now that he had done this - he didn’t think he could go back to anything else. 

Large spurts of cum blasted from his cock, so overpowering then that painted his stomach, his chest, and much to your delight - a few thick white spurts even dirtied his glasses when you angled his cock that way and kept viciously pumping him. 

His cock was so hot that it felt like it could have burned your hand, so needy and bloated with blood from how long you had edged him. Eventually, when the tip of his cock began to weep out a pathetic clear liquid, and he was on the verge of sobbing once more, you let him go from your grip, finally giving him a moment to breathe. 

You knew for certain that you would never be able to look at Spencer Reid again without seeing this imagery: him, completely fucked out, his face flushed red, mouth agape as he struggled for breath. His naked body, limp cock laying against his pelvis, painted in his own cum - including dirtying up his own glasses. 

You loved those glasses even more now. 

You couldn’t get him to swear - but fuck, that was really something. 

“Thank you.” He said meekly, still struggling for breath. “Th-thank you, Miss.” 

“Good boy.” You leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Such a good boy for me.” 

Now, it was time to take care of him and make sure that he had a good come down. 

You put the toy on the coffee table, placing it with the opening up so it wouldn’t leak everywhere - you wouldn’t clean it later. You also took off his glasses and placed them aside. Again - you would clean them later. 

You rushed to untie his hands, and eased his arms back around his body by gently rubbing his shoulders, hoping that the muscles wouldn’t be too sore or stiff from being in the same position for so long. 

“Such a good boy.” You assured him. “You did so well for me honey.” 

He hummed in acknowledgement. Clearly, he was absolutely exhausted from the ordeal. You hoped you could get his tall, gangly self to his bed on your own if he was so fucked out and weak. You walked back around to his front and laid your lips on his forehead again, murmuring more praises against his skin as you continued to rub his shoulders and run your fingers through his hair. You told him how good he was, how perfect he had been for you, how beautiful he was. 

After a few minutes, you felt his hands on your hips as he came out of the haze. He ran a thumb along the waistband of your pants, and his first words after that haze surprised you. 

“What - what about you?” He asked. 

Clearly, he meant that you should have an orgasm. Your cunt was aching dully between your thighs, and you were sure that you had soaked through your underwear. But that had been a lot for him, and you didn’t want to overwhelm him during the first time. 

“That’ll be a lesson for next time.” You told him quietly. He hummed quietly at this. He felt assured by you simply saying ‘next time’. “I have to clean up your toy now, so you can use it again later. Then I’ll clean you up and tuck you into bed, okay, baby?” 

He nodded. “Yes, please. Thank you.” 

You hesitantly broke away from him and grabbed the toy, and as you moved to leave the room, you paused at him mumbling out more words. 

“Can - can I have a glass of water, please?” He asked quietly. 

“Of course you can, baby.” 

You went into the kitchen and ran the toy under hot water - which you left going as you got a glass and filled it with cold water and ice from the dispenser. You were lucky to find a straw in the takeout bag from earlier - you put it in the glass and, while the hot water was still running in the sink, you rushed out to give Spencer a drink. 

You held the glass while he chugged gratefully from it, and after a few moments, you ensured that he could hold it with his sex tired hands by himself and then you left to finish cleaning up the toy. You set it on his empty dish rack to drip dry (which was quite a sight). And then you went to the bathroom, coming back with a warm cloth to wipe him down. He was only slightly unsteady on his legs as you guided him to bed - his muscles shaking and tired after the whole amazing ordeal. 

You found it endearing that his bed was unmade, surrounded by stacks of books that were lined up on the floor, rather than on any shelf. 

You pulled back the covers completely and helped him get in, and you were tucking him in nicely when he asked the sweet question. 

“Will you cuddle with me?” He asked quietly, looking up at you with those adorable, expectant eyes once again. “You know, for - for the aftercare?” 

You likely would have done it simply because he asked, even if you didn’t deem it ‘necessary’ for aftercare. But because he asked, it was part of good care. 

“Of course.” You answered. “I don’t have any pjs, so do you mind if I sleep in my underwear?” 

You had just tucked him into bed naked, and he was asking you to lay down beside him like that. But still, you wanted to ask how comfortable he would be if you were in a state of undress. 

His eyes shined with interest at the idea of seeing you at least partially undressed. 

“I don’t mind.” He told you. 

You nodded, and stepped back slightly to begin undressing. 

“So - did you have fun?” You asked. You suspected that he had entirely enjoyed himself, but you did want to hear him say it. 

Spencer grinned at this. “I think what we just did has changed my definition of ‘fun’ entirely.” He told you. “In a good way. So you know.” 

You preened at the idea that you had shifted Spencer’s worldview. Someone who most likely spent his free time reading research papers and playing through chess games entirely on his own and called it ‘fun’ would now be thinking about spending his free time playing with you instead. 

You stripped out of your pants, socks, and work blouse, which left you in your simple cotton underwear, a thin cotton camisole and your bra underneath. You decided to take off your bra underneath your shirt and just sleep in the cami and panties for comfort. You knew your underwear was stuck to your cunt from your previous burning arousal, and Spencer’s eyes did focus hard on that, and then focused even harder on the outline of your bare breasts as you ditched your bra off to the side. 

If he had the ability to get hard again after that spectacular orgasm, he probably would have been throbbing at the sight of you. 

You lifted up the covers and crawled into bed with him, cuddling into his side as he tentatively wrapped an arm around your waist. Your stomach fluttered when he kissed the top of your head before you felt his body relax into the mattress. 

“Thank you.” He said quietly, clearly exhausted. “I love it when you teach me things.”

...

If you would like to see a sequel to this fic, I would like to see 15 reblogs and 10 comments to know that a sequel is wanted!

(This includes anon messages - and I always have the anonymous option turned on.)

In order to make a second part, I need to have comments including feedback to know what people liked about the fic and why it is worth continuing. Even if the 15 reblogs are from the same person, showing their enthusiasm for this fic, then that counts for me. I just want to know that my work is appreciated before I post more of it!

[cherrydreamer]

🍒Cherry Recs Some… Blogs! 🍒 For @gothyringwald’s  Harringrove Feedback Fest  

These are some of the utterly wonderful blogs that contain a mix of fics/art/edits/memes/headcanons or are absolutely wonderful at reblogging, tagging and boosting other people’s work. I love you all so much! @ariaaadne love love love this blog! So many gems on here! And they leave such nice tags when they reblog!

@cockasinthebird They’re sadly inactive now (but working on their original stuff so YAY! Can’t wait for that!) but OH what a treasure trove of delicious NSFW Harringrove treats! @deardmvz Another utterly wonderful treasure trove of a blog. Art and ficlets and headcanons OH MY! And they have the RANGE! From summer sweetness which melts your heart to this terrifying and atmospheric art for Ihni’s equally terrifying fic! @draculcid has such a brilliant blog, so many incredible headcanons and wonderful edits! This angsty moodboard hits hard and these happy boys taking adorable photos is just the sweetest thing! @hoegrove SO much skill here! I am in love with their gifs and their edits! Their Until Dawn AU blew my mind!

@memes-saved-me So many genius edits! I am gonna link to their video masterpost because OH MY GOD! All of these are spectacular! And then there’s this amazing San Junipero moodboard! The 80s vibes are perfect! And oh this happy Cali moodboard with the boys having a fun and sunny future together. @of-spades so many GENIUS ficlets and one of those lovely people who leaves utter gems in the tags of their reblogs! @okaybutlikeimagine one of my absolute go-to people for ‘Billy getting found family’ fics and headcanons. I will ALWAYS rec their Found Family series on Ao3 AND But She’s Not There has the most amazing soundtrack woven all the way through it.   @rascheln is such a sweetheart with so many GENIUS edits and ficlets. PLUS she is so damn supportive, I adore her tags! She broke my heart with this ghost Billy ficlet and then fixed it with a perfect monster hunting boyfriends set-up! 

@silentlylovingyourwork such a wonderful, supportive blog! She leaves such sweet tags on the works she reblogs.

@smashmouth-hargrove Oh what an absolute WONDER of a blog! Headcanons and brilliant ficlets galore here! @steviespanties OH HERE we go! DELICIOUS SMUT. Some very NSFW ficlets and ideas here. My personal favourite is this lil Dom!Billy scene  @withoneheadlight I could (and do) scroll through this blog for AGES! So much goodness! @yikesharringrove Yikes has SO MANY amazing headcanons, and their ficlets are an utter delight. I love their non-binary Steve head canons so much.

[caxsthetic]

It's the 31st of December now in my place, and I would love to write a little love and gratitude to all the new people that I met in 2020.

So, I am gonna start,

↪Dear, @aikk00​

Honestly I never thought that we could be so close. You are such a kind soul, adorable and really loveable! I love how stupid the things we talk about, mostly about how superior eggs is and our little promises that we are going to meet up someday and I will cook all variant of eggs that you want! I hope amidst all things, we could do that (: I love you so much, Claire... Thank you for being a sunny egg to my uncooked egg💕 See you on a wonderful next year, baby!

↪Dear, @layschipsyumm​

HA! BISH! Bet you are still falling asleep rn cjdndnd okay, my favourite Suna fuckers, I love you so much you cutie subby💋 Maybe the best thing I did in this year to slide into your DM and say how fucking good your colouring is and just wow... From just a simple hello turn into a random convo mostly us thirsting about our man... Thank you Tat my luv! Hope u have a wonderful year ahead!

↪Dear, @godjo​

Cher 🥺 Hey, hey... Ugh gosh I still remember how everything started with just me crying over how beautiful your work is... It's smut? I shouldn't have cried? But goddamn it the more we talk the more we found a lot in common between us and talking to you just feels so right! You are so kind and so fun to talk with... I am glad I know you 🥰 Wishing you a great great 2021!!!

↪Dear, @dearest-kiyoomi​

HELLO MY LOVE, gaahhh, still remember when you are a Sakusa fucker only and now look at you being a Samu fucker too mwah I am so proud of you 🤩 Anyway, I love you so much and thank you for hearing me rant and being so melancholic... And thank you so much for being my proofreader, you helped me a lottaa lotss! Hope you have a great holiday and wonderful year!

↪Dear, @mamori-tai​

Baby hello hi! Thank you so much for being such a dear friend 😍 I always love how you comment through my works... Especially Solemn Promise, it was a work that I really hold dear in my heart because well, it's Kita Shinsuke and the topic is well— ANYWAY, thank you so much for being there! You are so fun to talk to, and I hope next year would be a wonderful one for you!

↪Dear, @just-a-tiny-ghost​

Hey, baby... Honestly you are one of the people that I really love having a message from... You always ramble about how good and positive the people around you, all cute stories about you and your friends, I really love to hear that... And thank you so much for hearing me too! Wishing you a wonderful holiday, bby! Mwah💋

↪Dear, @blacckdiamondposts​

CELINE MY LOVE MY EVERYTHING MY SUPPORT SINCE DAY ONE 😭 Hey bub how are you? I really hope that you are having fun, surrounded by people who love you and you love hehehe. I don't know what I would do without you, really. You are so supportive and listen to all my ramble about my story. I love you so much and I wish you a great holiday!!

↪Dear, @muffins-puffins​

Shafff Shaafff, u are someone who really lovely to talk to💕 Every time I need to talk about Haikyuu, I just know who I am going to... I love how you respect my choice for not shipping characters and things! And like always know the words that could calm me down when I am emotional. I wuff you so much, thank you for being here for me! Have a great holiday!

↪Dear, @mrs-kuroojinguji​

Ana, ana oh Ana😭 I don't know how to start honestly. I remember the first time we talk is because I post that editing of Kita pic about how I want to "rabi" him xjdnksks bye! But for real, since then you have been so supportive, listening to me rambles, and being such a dear friend🥺 The chocolate fudge is so fucking good btw and well— I really hope that we could meet up since well we are from a same city sjxnsnms lovee u so much my crazy baby Miss Sawamura!

↪Dear, @flairlust​

Aaahhh I am so, thankful to you! You have been here for a long long time. Supporting me on everything! Either my writing or my merch, sliding to my ask here and there to ask how am I doing. You are so sweet and so kind I love you so much I hope you have a great year and a wonderful holiday🥳🥳🥳 Luvv uu so much and thank you once again for everything!

↪Dear, @kkoalaworld​

↪Dear, @kuro0luvr​

Hey, hello... My god, you are so so kind so good I don't know how to start you always hype me up and overall a great friend to me😭 Since that time I am in the lowest point of my life, you help me through it with a lot of things... Honestly, thank you so much, I don't know how to repay your kindness... But I love you, for real I am grateful to meet you...

↪Dear, @bjbex

HA, MY GOD, ALL OF YOUR WORK ARE JUST CHEF KISS MWAH baby I love you so much and like honestly talking to you is so fun and I always end up cackling nonstop when we started to talk shit😭 You are always so kind and like when I am down you lit ask and being serious dnskmsms you just know when to have fun and when to show that you care and honestly I love you so much for that, Bex... Thankk you for hearing me out most of the time, wishing you a good year ahead!

NAO aaaa honestly, you are like one of the bestest friend ever that I ever meet here. You always listen to me when I am feeling down, trying to provide me with some reassurance... You are one of the people that I trust enough to actually talk about my mental health... And I am so grateful that God give me a chance to meet you... You are angel to me, and I hope it last for a long time... Love you, Nao... Have a great year!

↪Dear, @t-amajiki​

Gere my God, you are like the start of it all. You are the demigod, you are the one who creates a good server filled with so many wonderful people that everyone I could be so proud to call as my friend. Through you, I found what is it to feel cared, to be loved, to know that some people try to be always there. I am so thankful to God that I met you, and I hope you have a wonderful year next because you really, really deserve a good life.

↪Dear, @lnarizakis​

Heyy Twinn, eheheh hello how are you👉👈 I want to say thank you so much for ever being there! I love when we talk non stop about our dear twins, and talking to you always been so fun! You are such a supportive hooman being and I love how we are now become a twin xjsndnsmsn it's stupid but it's cute eheh... Thank you once again for everything, and I hope you have a great year upon you💕

↪Dear, @tokyoghoose​

Hello, my wife. My mickie, you are so so kind to everyone around you, honestly I wonder what kind of saint am I on my previous life that God allow me to meet you. You are so lovely, always reaching out to me constantly as if you know exactly when I am at the lowest... I am so happy that I met you, and I hope that someday I could meet you in real life. Thank you so much, Mickie, for everything. May you have a beautiful year in 2021 and so on💕

↪Dear, @himichii​

Heyy babyy, how are you? Gahh, you know you are such a cool person, right? Like your words and your work too is so amazing! Aside from all of that, you are a good friend too and I am so thankful that I know you. Thank you for asking me sometimes when I am suddenly like, you know, gone ahahah so thank you really. I appreciate it all🥰 Hope you have such a good year upon you, baby!

↪Dear, @ravscrii​

Rae, Raven aaaa I love you so much you know how to boost my mood with sending me lots of funny haikyuu meme and godwork of Haikyuu fanart (especially inarizaki you know me so well my goodness) Thank you so much for always asking me if I am okay and such, it was a simple gesture that I really appreciate. Love you so much, wishing you a wonderful year ahead of you💕

↪Dear, @macaronnv​

Vvvvv heyy you my favourite Sakusa fucker🥳 We have a same timezone aight but well let me just tell you Happy New Year!! Thank you so much for listening to me ramble about inarizaki, to hype with me, and to be a good friend. Hopefully, someday we could meet up🥺 I love you, have a wonderful holiday, okay?

↪Dear, @ch4jime

Hello, sweetie🥺 You have been nothing but kind to me and I am so thankful that I know you. You are so fun to talk to and always reaching out when you know somehow I need company. Thank you so much for wanting to befriend, to talk to me. I wish you have a wonderful year ahead, and so on. You deserve all the good things in life!

↪Dear, @lcaita

Heyyo👉👈 I know that we didn't talk a lot. But honestly I love how you are always greeting me when I pop out on the server. Like I come out of the blue and you just "Eyceee" and honestly it feels so welcoming. Just a simple gesture yet it's really impactful. Hey, thank you so much for everything, really. I love you so much and I hope you know I will try to do the same, to be a better friend to you. May you have a wonderful year ahead💕

↪Dear, @evermorehaikyuu​

IVY sht, you are like... Everything everything. You are literally one of the kindest person I ever met. I really want to meet you, you are someone that I could call as a best friend, and I am so thankful that I ever met you (": You are always so patient listening to me, even after all this time you are always there for me. Reminding me that I am not alone. I love you so much you don't know it... I wish you the best life, you smart hooman💕

↪Dear, @http-cookiescrumbs​

Oh baby, you are like, wow. You are so pure and like always so positive when it comes to friendship. Since I know you, you always know how to make me feel happy, always bringing such positivity to your environtment. And I really love that, I love how much caring you are to your friend. Thank you for staying in my life, you are always, always be a friend that I hold dear in my heart. Have a great year ahead, my dear🥰

↪Dear, @kenmasbb​

Hello baby hi hehehe I know we just talk for a few times but honestly talking to you is so fun! I hope we would talk a lot, because honestly from what I see so far you are such a sweetheart🥺 Thank you for hearing all of my thirst towards my husband, thank you for being patience to me xjdndjdk... I wuff uu so much, baby... I hope you have a wonderful year ahead! Have a beautiful holiday🥳 Stay safe!

↪Dear, @sugusho

Baby baby hello I remember when we start talking it was like, aahhh... Hello you are always be my sweet pea🥺 You are always so caring and so kind to me I love you so much... Hopefully we will always stay in contact. And now with how we kinda have the same man we like, hmmmm😼 I think we would stay in touch anyway... Thank you so much for being such a dear friend to me... I hope you are having a wonderful year, and a beautiful holiday!

↪Dear, Samantha, Tea, Oli, Miyu...

I don't know if you see this or not. But honestly, the best time of my life is when I meet you all. Talking to you all, I am a shit that time and to befriend you guys is like the greatest gift that happen to me (": Thank you, for everything basically. I love you guys so much... And I hope each of you have the best life because you guys deserve only good things and happiness...

↪Dear, Reena...

Oh you are one of the best thing in life. You are there since like, since I was nothing. Like I think I was like, only post my SMAU I think? It was like 9 months ago. And you are one of those who believe in me that I can do it. I can keep improving, hyping me up and always so kind to me. We are like thousands km apart but I hope someday I can meet you. I love you so much, Ree... Thank you for being there, and I am so grateful we still in contact💕 Hope you have a wonderful year ahead

[elenatria]

How to turn a London Con trip into a “Chernobyl” trip.

I’m home so I can finally make this post.

Where to start.

Okay-

Let’s start with “Chernobyl”. It happened a few months ago, fell on our heads like a nuclear bomb. We all loved the protagonists but Viktor Charkov, the KGB chairman, is also a memorable, creepy, hateful character who got under our skin with the cold truth of his words, the harsh reality of his behaviour. He was too real, too pragmatic to be ignored. From stories I’ve been told in person, he’s no different than the executive arms of tyrants we had here not more than forty years ago. He exists. People like him live among us.

As for the actor himself, so strange. See, there is no mention of Alan Williams’ age on IMDB or Wikipedia and that’s enough to show that, apart from his theatre, TV and film work, little is known about him. Where to find him, contact him, he’s too old to care about social media and apparently he never was too sought out, not with a “face like a bagful of donuts” as he jokes.

But I was thrilled. I wrote the first chapter of “A single bullet” after watching “Chernobyl” and I just had to show it to this elusive low-profile thespian who inspired me. Because... I don’t know, because. Just to say “Thanks for doing a magnificent job. Thanks for helping me understand evil.”

So I tried contacting his agent. I gave her my name and nationality. I thought I’d just send her the link and forget about it.

Apparently, she forgot about it too because I never heard from her.

After a month London Con was upon us, but what to do in the evenings? Plays of course. I booked a ticket for “The woman in black” and “The Hunt” with Tobias Menzies. Then I searched and searched for Alan Williams plays but, to my dismay, he had finished playing Ivan Romanovich Chebutykin in “Three sisters” at the beginning of June and his new play, “Faith, hope and charity”, wouldn’t premiere before September. Just my luck to be in London in between the two plays. No stage door queue, no autographs.

After spending a full Saturday at London Con and Sunday at the British Museum, Monday had to be a day of leisure. A free concert at St Martin-in-the-Fields before lunch was all I was capable of attending, drag my steps towards the closest bus stop that would drop me off… wherever. I didn’t care.

But then I decided to read my post from the previous day about managing to buy a ticket for “The girl on the train” at the very last minute and meeting Alex Ferns, the naked miner. The unexpected ticket, the unexpected hug.

Now how difficult would it be to meet an actor who is NOT doing a play at the moment?

Very very difficult, confirmed one voice.

He’s rehearsing for ‘Faith, hope and charity’, isn’t he? disagreed another. He must be. It’s almost August and the play opens in September. He’s at work right now. He must be!!!

I googled and googled for almost an hour. I found that “Faith, hope and charity” would be staged at the Dorfman theatre near Waterloo station so I called the stage door. I explained to the receptionist that I did not know Mr Williams in person but I was visiting London for only a few days, was a big fan of his work in “Chernobyl” and I would really love to greet him. The man on the phone was very helpful revealing that this was their first day of rehearsing (the incredible coincidence!) and they had started only… an hour ago. He asked my name and I said “Well… you can say Eleni”, I mean, who needs my complicated surname, right? The guy said he’d save my number and let Mr Williams know.

Oh god.

But I couldn’t just sit there waiting for a call, I’d never get that call, come on.

So I rushed to the Dorfman Theatre. I was breaking my brain trying to figure out how I could get the Charkov chapter of “A single bullet” printed in a district with no stationary shops whatsoever. I was hoping I could… shove it into his face I don’t know, and later imagine he’d be reading it. He didn’t really have to read it, just nod condescendingly and lie that he would, and that would be enough to put a smile on my face. Just like all those toys and drawings people give to celebs at cons that end up in the hands of volunteers, assistants or charities, if not in the trash.

When I got there I talked to a different receptionist, a very professional, very unhelpful young man. For safety reasons he wasn’t supposed to disclose neither the time they’d finish nor the time of recess. For safety reasons I had to go through Mr Williams’ agent to get to him. Outrageous, the woman didn’t even forward my story to him, let alone give me permission to meet him. I was hopeless, I was being turned down. I was being an idiot.

“But they must have a lunch break, right??” I insisted. “Can’t I just wait outside?”

That guy was a goddamn sphinx, and the helpful guy was still talking on the phone or to some lady there, I don’t remember, so I couldn’t reach out to him. Suddenly I felt unnecessarily needy as if I was sitting on the subway floor, shaking my hat to passers-by, clinging my few coins. How humiliating.

With heavy steps I exited the theatre. Why is it so complicated, why do I need someone else’s “permission”? I’m not a child. I looked around, it was a sunny day, people were sitting in coffee tables out in the patio. Some tables were empty but I didn’t care, I just sat on a column by the entrance, far enough to not be seen by the receptionists and feel like shit for lingering, close enough to catch anyone exiting.

For an hour and a half I crouched over my phone trying to figure out how to contact the agent without sounding too stalkery. I called the agency but the girl on the phone gave me the same email address where I had sent my fic. Fine. I changed the wording of my message again and again so as not to sound too needy or creepy even if I knew it wouldn’t work.

I knew I had missed my concert for no reason and I would soon have to leave because who doesn’t like giving up? It’s better to give up than stress over something that’s never gonna happen. It always is.

I was seconds away from clicking “send” and making a fool of myself to the agent for a second time when I thought I saw someone, a towering presence stopping a few meters away, looking over, hesitating, waiting.

I raised my head.

There he was, three-dimensional, bathed in sunlight. Not an image in my head anymore.

Believe me when I say that I was staring at Gandalf, Santa Claus, the Grail Knight from “Indiana Jones”, the Big Bad Wolf.

I honestly don’t know what I was staring at.

But there he was, in all his elderly silver-bearded glory. A myth in my mind, in the flesh. How did he know I was there? I didn’t tell anyone. I was supposed to be hiding.

After nanoseconds of deer-like stun I did the polite thing and jumped on my feet, ready for a handshake. I mean, I had to stand up, right? He had come out just for me.

Shit. What had I done? The nerve.

The first thing I remember noticing when I got closer were his faded blue eyes with a distinguishable light-shaded rim circling the iris. The rest was just word vomit, how we all love him on tumblr, write fics, make memes etc.

Memes?

I described to him the “Try me, bitch” edit we all love, courtesy of @two-screaming-rats.

He didn’t get it at first, then he laughed so HARD, so damn hard. You guys have to see Charkov laughing his heart out.

He said he only had a few minutes before he had to go back to the rehearsal so I decided to start the conversation with the Charkov fanfics. He was quick to apologize for not answering my email. “I’m sorry but… but I honestly don’t know what to say when someone sends me a story,” he admitted humbly. “I read all of them but… I mean I’ve been sent stories based on my characters before but I really wouldn’t know what to say.”

Okay first of all, he read my story. I don’t know if he read it a month ago when I sent it or minutes before he exited the theatre to greet me but he did.

Secondly, there are more stories about his characters? WHERE.

“I’m not a writer anyway,” I said apologetically.

The unexpected reassurance. “But you are.”

I guess one doesn’t have to be The Writer™, they just have to write. What a way to be courteous to a fan though.

Then I mentioned how we love Charkov’s trademark, his glasses, how we’re frantically looking for ‘80s-looking glasses, how we obsess over specific frames and brands.

“They’re not a brand,” he clarified, “they were specifically made for me, they’re an exact replica of Viktor Chebrikov’s glasses. Just like our clothes that were made by seamstresses who worked during that era.”

Naturally I praised the production’s attention to detail that has us ranting, how beautiful and “European” it all looked, how true the script was to Lyudmila’s story as it was described in Svetlana Alexievich’ “Chernobyl prayer”. I talked about my thoughts when I first heard there would be a “Chernobyl” TV series: the Americans made a TV show based on events that affected Europe, now that’s a new one. He mentioned Russian media admitting that they should have made that show, not the Americans. I agreed but also added “That’s the thing, it may be beautifully made, it may be the truth, but it’s still propaganda. Just because it’s true, just because the Soviet government did all those horrible things, that doesn’t mean that the show is not serving someone’s agenda.” He disagreed saying that the Soviet people were shown in a good light for their bravery and sacrifice. Well, we knew that, didn’t we.

I said how impressed I was by his portrayal of Charkov because we were told about people like him by dictatorship victims at school. People who had been tortured in the ‘70s came to us, talking about their time in underground cells, in the hands of sadists like Charkov. I told him about my uncle who was arrested and executed by the Nazis for distributing left-wing leaflets, about my grandmother who had to escape to the mountains during the civil war that followed the German occupation because she was a communist. I explained how real it felt to me, his last scene with Legasov in the kitchen. How bleak and horribly accurate.

He mentioned “You’re one of us, Legasov”. To him Charkov was just doing his job, working for the greater good and he agreed with the quote in my fic, that Charkov “couldn’t wait to retire”.

He then joked about Charkov being blasé after the committee meeting, “Meh, I’m done with arresting people, I let others do it for me”.

I assure you all those questions were answered in a couple of minutes, and I was certain our meeting was about to come to an end.

But then… he gestured toward an empty table.

Don’t let an aged man standing, was my spontaneous thought. I was reminded of my father.

Then I realized. He gestured toward an empty table.

Table. The two of us. On a sunny day.

Time, he was offering me his time.

And… oh my god, this was practically an interview, why was I not recording this, he was answering my questions so effortlessly.

No. That would be rude, that would be greedy.

Just relax and enjoy the moment and try to remember fucking everything.

I asked him what his inspiration for Charkov was, if he based his portrayal on other actors or historical figures. He paused to think and explained that the script was very strict anyway, very defined. However he did mention  Charkov’s line, “I know you’ve heard the stories about us. When I hear them, even I am shocked” and how that reflected Stalin’s hypocritical quote, “What do I know, I’m just a peasant”.

His favourite line was “Trust but verify, and the Americans think that Ronald Reagan thought that up”.

“Is that really an old Russian proverb…?” I wondered.

“I… don’t know!” he laughed.

During the rest of the conversation he mentioned his friend whose job was to translate the Pravda, and his years in Canada where he met Czech-Greeks, namely Greek communists who were driven away by our right-wing government after the Second World War. Even the Soviets didn’t want them so they were sent to the Czech Republic and ended up in Canada. These people belonged nowhere.

I didn’t know that, and he didn’t know about Vladimir Gubarev, the writer of the play “Sarcophagus” and science editor of the Pravda who was the recipient of Legasov’s tapes. I quoted him saying “Why call the protagonist Legasov since that’s not how Legasov was, they could have used a character who’s a scientist and give him any other name.” Like Ulana, I added, who’s a composite character, or Chebrikov/Charkov, mostly fictional.

Our conversation was coming to an end; he asked me what plays I saw in London and he smiled when I mentioned Alex Ferns in “The girl on the train”.

It was truly overwhelming; I was torn between being swept away by the moment, focusing on nothing but the faded blue of his eyes, bathing in the calm rhythm of his voice, and actually paying attention to what he was saying. Only once did my eyes dart at his left hand spotting the unusually thick golden ring on his finger. When one’s mind plays tricks the best way to discipline is a glimpse at The Ring because if he didn’t have nearly my father’s years I’d probably be having a horribly inappropriate crush.

“Time to go,” he apologized.

We took a couple of photos and I pulled out Svetlana Alexievich’ book, asking for an autograph.

“Where should I sign?” he asked.

“Wherever you want.”

He flipped through the pages noticing my page markers, notes and underlinings. “What are these for?”

“Just… just notes. Do you want my—” I suggested grabbing my big-ass permanent marker.

Without a word he gave a knowing smile and, like an experienced conjurer, he pulled out of his jacket an elegant little sharpie. Delicate pens for delicate words.

I didn’t dare read what he wrote to me then, I could only make out his name through that intelligible doctor-like writing. Surely my name wasn’t there because I hadn’t introduced myself. Still, I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.

Time to go.

We shook hands and I said how honoured I was that he had spent time with me. I tried not to stare as he disappeared into the theatre but before I left I ran into the foyer, quickly thanked the receptionist to whom I had talked on the phone and stormed out of the building with that huge wave of adrenaline pumping violently in my ears.

As I crossed the street I was grinning like an idiot. I knew I had to stop right there and write down everything before I forgot - but it was pointless. I’m not a recorder to have to write down everything the minute it happens. It’s enough to remember the pale rimming of his eyes.

Now, two days after meeting him, I’m still torn between pride and embarrassment. What the hell was I thinking? Doesn’t a man deserve to work in peace?

But as I’m writing this and attaching his signature on the first page of “Chernobyl prayer” I dare for the first time read what he wrote to me.

Pleasure to meet you.

People say they have religious moments when meeting their favourite celebs.

Mine was poetic.

What a darling, darling man.

[tally-kiza]

Horrorswap and Horrorswapfell Headcanons

So I decided to make Horrorswap and Horrorswapfell headcanons. There’s not a lot of stuff out there for it, so I wanted to throw my hat into the ring, and see what I could come up with.

This isn’t typical scary Horrortale, btw. These are soft-Horrortale inspired by popatochisssp’s HT skeletons.

(this is slightly edited and revised as of 02/25/2020 so if things seem different than before, thats why)

Horrorswap Sans (Boston)

- The famine was particularly hard on him. Alphys’s abuse really injured his head, and combined with the effects of starvation, Sans was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. His brother was always so worried when Boston started spending days in bed or sprinting throughout the underground setting up violently painful puzzles and traps, shouting about humans, but having an explanation assuaged his worries a bit. At least then he knew how to help. 

- Speaking of Alphys, when Sans became captain of the Royal Guard and bore the brunt of her anger, it left permanent damage to his bones and teeth, leaving them cracked and crooked, with strange blood stains on them (his own marrow/blood, not a human’s).

- Despite everything, he's still Sans. He’s sunny, but less so than he use to be, and even when he’s feeling miserable, he tries his best to be friendly and cheerful. ...It’s difficult though. It’s so tempting sometimes to just curl up and forget about the world, but... even though he does do that occasionally, he never stays like that for long. He keeps going through the day, trying his best to live and forget about the past.

- On better days though, he can be pretty cheerful and friendly! He likes talking to other people and hearing what they have to say.

- Boston goes to therapy regularly to cope with his trauma. He tries to convince his brother to go too but Citrine’s been stubborn so far.

- During the famine, one of his favorite things to take his mind off the stress was creating things. Like drawing maps of what the stars in the sky look like, and designing diagrams of spaceships that he likes. Very space-oriented things usually, since he’s always loved it so much. It’s... very difficult to make these though most of the time. His concentration and focus is basically nonexistent when he’s starving, so he can mostly only create when he’s recently eaten. Making them is his favorite hobby on the surface.

- Adores farmers markets. There's so many possibilities! Buying cool new foods, selling the things he’s made, meeting and talking to cool new people! He loves them, they’re so fun.

- Uses the fruits from his brother’s gardens to make preserves! Saves jars of jams, jellies, and other preserves in the cabinets for whenever he needs to use them when he cooks. They’re delicious and he always has a lot of fun making them with his brother.

- Has a collection of lava lamps! They’re so satisfying and relaxing to watch. He loves them, and they always help him feel less stressed.

- Along that same vein, he likes stim videos! Pretty much all kinds of them. they’re very relaxing to him.

- He hates the silence... It reminds him so much of Snowdin during the famine. Cold, empty, devoid of life and joy... He cringes whenever there’s too long of a silence. Boston will almost always have some kind of noise on in the background, whether it be music or tv show or an audiobook. It really eases his fears.

- Stars, he loves food. So much. He loves watching stress-free cooking shows and learning new recipes to cook. Trying something new and making food for him and his brother is one of his favorite things. 

- Awkwardly genuine. He tries really hard to fit in on the surface and be a good person to make up for what he's done. Every so often he’ll say or do something really dark and completely forget he can’t do that anymore on the surface. Sans will berate himself really hard afterwards, so he really appreciates the reassurances he gets that it’s okay.

- Admittedly, he had lost hope of ever seeing the stars... He thought they’d be stuck underground, starving to death forever... But when he and the others emerged out of the Barrier in the middle of the night, he finally saw the infinite blanket of stars twinkling above them. He’s never been quite so happy in his whole life, as he collapsed on the ground and sobbed with the pure relief of finally being free and finally seeing the stars.

Horrorswap Papyrus (Citrine)

- After getting into a big fight with Alphys and interfering when she tried to hurt Sans, he ended up with a big bad hole in his skull. Sans had to use all the healing magic he could find to save him. When Citrine woke up, his skull was throbbing and he could barely remember what happened.

- Very apathetic at times. It’s hard to care about stuff when he’s stuck underground and feels like they’re going to die soon... It'll take a lot of years on the surface for him to be anywhere close to normal again. Also doesn't have the energy to be nice to people sometimes. So he just isolates himself and doesn’t interact with them.

- That being said, it is possible to befriend him. It’ll be a long journey but With the right circumstances and if you’re good to Boston, Citrine ends up being a pretty great friend.

- Pretty touch-repulsed unless he’s close with someone. After many years of being friends with them, he can be pretty cuddly. If you’re lucky, he’ll drape himself over you like a cat.

- Like the other lazybones, the hole in his skull gave him memory problems but not as severe as the others'. Still has all his long-term memory, he just forgets recent things (like where he put his keys) ver easily.

- Since he has no suckers to chew on during the famine, he chews on sticks as a replacement. It's left his teeth chipped and scraggly. He gets them fixed on the surface, and hoards all the suckers, honey, and pocky he can find.

- Loves plants. Has a mini garden on the surface. Grows his own food and everything. Boston is so supportive of him and helps him when he’s struggling with it.

- Probably has a slight case of osteoporosis? And maybe the other horror!skeletons would as well. So his spine is kinda bent, unfortunately. 

- Still really loves puns. Dark ones make him kind of uncomfortable (he doesn't like anything that reminds him of the underground) but his favorites are plant and music puns. They're perhaps the quickest way to get him to warm up to you.

- Still appreciates memes. Doesn’t outwardly show a positive reaction to them, but they make him chuckle inwardly. Will deadpannedly meme at you when you least expect it.

- Has an unfortunate case of MVRSF: Monotone Voice and Resting Stony Face.

- Pretends he’s fine when there’s clearly something wrong. Refuses to accept help and burden anyone. He just... doesn’t want to cause any more problems. He insists he’ll be alright....

- Stars, he just? loves Hozier’s music?? so much??? It’s so ethereal and chill and it always calms him down when he’s stressed. And music! Just music in general is his one true lomfve. He can’t get enough of it. Starts learning to play the kalimba on the surface. It has such a lovely sound. He’s a little rusty at it, but he tries hard. Hozier songs are his favorite songs to play on it.

Horrorswapfell Sans (Knox)

- Like Horrorfell Papyrus, after the famine began, he sobered up. Sans didn't have the time nor energy for all his usual grandiose. Like with all the Fell skeletons, he blames himself that the human killed so many people, and it's really taken a hit to his ego. His self-esteem is a lot lower than it used to be.

- Didn't take of any of Alphys's shit, and refused to let her abuse him. They fought quite a bit however, resulting in chipped misaligned teeth and long scars on his eyesocket and side of his face. The eyesocket with those scars lost its eyelight, so hes unfortunately blind in that socket now. Scraps with Snowdin-folk have left scars and marks all over his and body, but nothing too deep, luckily.

- An incredibly responsible and capable skeleton. Like, he gets shit done. Insanely productive at times with laser-like focus. He was basically the only reason his brother survived during the famine; Knox motivates Clover to get out of bed and live.

- Mildly paranoid on the surface. He's worried that something bad will happen and is lurking around the corner, so he's incredibly suspicious everything. Especially people he doesn’t know.

- In addition to being mildly paranoid, he also is easily stressed, and has anxiety and depression. He has... a lot on his plate, to say the least. The famine gave him a lot of trauma, but frequent therapy helps a lot, once he’s comfortable opening up to strangers. His brother Clover is a great help, he’s the most helpful, supportive brother and friend he could’ve asked for. 

- Oftentimes he wears a dark cloak that makes him look like the Grim Reaper. Enjoys scaring people with it and making them think he actually is the Grim Reaper. It’s one of the great joys he has in life.

- Favorite type of music is opera and classical. He likes how quickly it can go from soft and peaceful to fast and dramatic and dynamic.

- Secretly likes baking, especially baking cupcakes, but sshhhh! No one can know. ...Mostly just because he’s new to baking and not very great at it yet, so he’s self-conscious. But! He hopes knows he’s gonna be great at it someday. And his brother is always there to cheer him on and nom all the sweet treats happily.

- He's very sly. Makes the most subtle, hidden, and deady traps out of all the skeletons, and with his silvertongue can easily turn people's words against them. 

- But... once you have his trust and his friendship, he wouldn’t dream of doing that to you. Knox isn’t someone who takes friendship lightly, so he’d never dare manipulate your words or hurt you in any way.

- Also very formal and serious. Not much of a casual skeleton, and doesn’t like letting down his walls. It’s part of his distrustful nature. Makes him pretty difficult to befriend, honestly. But it is possible, in the right circumstances.

- Sans isn’t passionate for many things on the surface, but sewing is definitely one of them. He got into it when he was younger, and starting sewing and creating more during the famine like Boston to keep himself distracted when he wasn’t working or patrolling. He enjoys it so much on the surface, that he starts doing tailoring and sewing commissions. Probably even becomes a tailor or something similar eventually. Altering clothes is the one thing he feels like he hasn't failed at, so he likes it.

Horrorswapfell Papyrus (Clover)

- Animalistic. The famine probably hit him the hardest out of all of them, mentally at least. He started acting more and more dog-like over time. Nothing extreme, he just has bad habits that he’s picked up. Hostile and distant towards strangers, growling at people with too high LV, whining if you won't cuddle him. It's pretty cute tbh.

- Once hen him and Alphys got into a fight over Sans, she threw her axe at him, and left a pretty big cracked hole in his skull. When Sans saved him with the DT, one of his eyelights became enlarged and beaming red. The other eye "overloaded” in a way from the influx of magic so it became basically unusable. Even though there’s no physical damage to it, keeping it uncovered hurts sometimes so he keeps an eyepatch over it.

- Wears beanie hats! Clover’s self-conscious about his crack, so he covers it with adorable beanie hats. He has a whole collection of them of many different types. He also likes how they make him feel cute.

- His slitted pupils make him look so adorable when they dilate when he's excited.

- Basically a cat. Drapes on top of his s/o for cuddles. Naps in the sunbeams. Complains when you don't pay attention to him. Kills pests for you. Just a 7 foot tall teddy bear kitty skeleton ;w;

- Looooves chicken nuggets. They’re his favorite food and nomming them after a bad day always makes him feel better <33. Calls them chimken nuggies.

- Also loves love songs! Especially the soft and sweet and heartfelt ones. They're so nice and calming to listen to. He really likes to hum along to them when he's drawing.

- Pretty quiet. He didn't talk a lot underground so as to not draw attention, so he rarely talks anymore. Doesn’t speak much around people he doesn’t know in public, but in private with people he’s close too he’s more comfortable talking. When Papyrus does talk, it's rather slow and his voice cracks occasionally.

-  Before the famine, Clover ate hard candies. But after he ran out of candies when the famine started, he wanted to have the same sensation so he started chewing on sticks and pebbles. It's left his fangs misaligned and cracked. They're partially repaired on the surface, but there wasn't a lot the dentist could do. So he just replaced them with more gold teeth. He has four now, instead of one.

- Has a panic disorder. He's terrified of going back underground. Only his brother and his s/o can calm him down from his panic attacks. Also has generalized anxiety. If he’s in front of strangers, he’ll try to hide it with aggression out of fear of looking weak.

- Papyrus used to love reading, but after his head wound, it was difficult to concentrate and understand what he was reading. So he stopped. But on the surface, he discovered the magic of audiobooks and uses them all the time! He can often be found wearing headphones listening to audiobooks in the background.

- Him and Knox eventually get two sweet darling therapy cats. They’re the most helpful nicest floofs he’s ever known and he loves them to bits. The cats are incredibly sweet and helpful when the skellies are having a bad day, and always makes them feel so much better.

- Works as a commission artist when he gets to the surface! He tried other jobs before, but they were always so stressful so he never worked there for long. He never lost his passion for making art during the famine, even though remembering how to was difficult sometimes. But once he relearns all his skills again, he loves working from home as an artist. It's the best job he could've ever asked for.

-He’s just Babey. A wonderfully sweet, wholesome, precious babey skellie ;w;

[bipercabeth]

Hey, u seem pretty good at planning your stories, like how many chapters and what is going to happen in each one. May i ask you... How do you do that??? If you will, please share some tips with us. I don't know why but I think this whole planning thing is awesome kakska like, I could never

oh god my planning system is a mf MESS but it works for organizing my mess so it might help? i start with a blank google doc and just word vomit all over the page. everything i’ve thought of so far, no matter how small of an idea, gets put as a bullet point, and anything relating to that goes under an indented bullet point. related information stays together and organized as much as it can be without a plot. i write down my characters and their roles, whether that’s job, history, or just facts that don’t have a home except under their name. ur gonna feel like that meme of charlie from it’s always sunny with the cork board. that’s okay! gotta get all your thoughts out in order to process them! after that i’m usually pretty drained so i find more inspo that needs less heavy lifting. i use playlists, pinterest, any thing nice and easy that gives me a better grasp on where i’m going vibe wise. this usually helps me make stylistic choices like tone and pov. if i find myself mostly adding songs from one pov, then i tend to choose that one as sole pov for a story. if the songs go either way, i either decide on one or choose to rotate. 

this is where the heavy lifting starts! i organize my bullet points into as linear of a plot as i can, especially if the story i’m telling is nonlinear. once the bullet points are all moved around and as coherent as they’re going to get, i make a chapter heading and decide where the story needs to start, usually after i’ve figured out the formatting. if i have multiple povs, i highlight them in different colors accordingly so i don’t lose track of who knows what. i divide into chapters based on the flow of events as well as the length of them. i never really have a set amount of chapters, just as many as i need to fit all of the events i need to fit. they tend to have a common theme on their own. this is where i delve into parallels, foreshadowing, how to give the story some life. a few specific lines and dialogue usually come out here, which i really recommend as far as inspiration goes. i write in quotes that inspire me, things that will help me when i actually sit down to write the chapter. 

then i usually read through it a few times, brainstorm ideas along the way, and usually send it to a friend or two. their excitement gets me excited, and this is usually where someone will find a plot hole along the way. this is usually the part that makes the story feel real to me. i go back to my playlist and pinterest board and edit/enhance them according to my new additions and plot. 

then i start writing! if you overthink the outline too much, you’re never going to move on from it. it’s a living document! you can always make changes if something no longer works once you start writing. an outline is whatever you need it to be, and i need mine to organize my thoughts and keep me inspired when i’m low on motivation. if that doesn’t work for you, play around with what will! this is just how i do things, and i’m one person. some writers don’t use outlines at all. some live and breathe by them. experiment with it, find what you need!! 

[perphesone]

Tagged by @spocksashayam ! I feel like I’ve done this one before, but I guess  a lot of these tag memes are pretty similar!

1. Relationship status: very much deeply in love with my beautiful and talented girlfriend! our 3rd anniversary was this month :)

2. Lipstick or chapstick: I was really into bright pink lipstick for the summer, but now it’s becoming chapstick weather... or else my lips will get so dry so quickly in the cold

3. Three favorite foods: a toasted bagel w/ cream cheese, a butter croissant, and a cream-filled donut... it’s all coffee shop food lmao

4. Song stuck in your head: I can’t rly say because I am listening to music at this moment, BUT one song I’ve been listening to a lot is this beautiful rendition of the song Half as Much by Joni James, who I hadn’t heard of until recently... please listen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaGDWCV-r04 and then listen to the original Hank Williams recording if you want to be amazed at how much a different arrangement and vocalist can change the tone of a song lol

5. Last movie you watched: Blood and Roses, which is a 1960 film directed by Roger Vadim and a very loose adaptation of Carmilla - maybe more accurate to say it’s just inspired by it. anyways though it was very good!!!

6. Top three shows: Star Trek, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Killing Eve

7. Books I’m currently reading: for the past couple days, Goethe’s Faust! my friend gave me an edition a while ago that has the original German on one side and a line-for-line translation on the other!! im working through it very slowly, trying to understand as much of the German a I can before I look at the other side to check. Also I got a collection of medieval christian pageant plays recently which I have been reading from intermittently.

8. Last thing I googled: just now, reviews for the TomboyX brand bralettes... i have never found a bralette that rly works with my body but i’m always on the look out >:1

9. Time: 12:12

10. Dream trip: I always say Berlin but it’s just true! I went there as a study abroad and loved it but didn’t have a great time with the other people in the program, so all I want is to revisit those places and see some plays but with my girlfriend or maybe a group of close friends

11. Anything you want: to start work!!! thankfully my teaching job starts on monday, I’ve been between jobs for almost a month since my summer job ended and at first I was really productive with writing and stuff but now I’m starting to go stir crazy.

aaand I’m not gonna tag anyone in particular, but if you fill this out then tag me so I can see it!!

[dokyungsu]

Who are some of ur favorite people here and why?

💘💘💘 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL MY MUTUALS 💘💘💘 WROW REN LOVES YOU???? 💘💘💘 HELL YEA SHE DOES !!!!!💘💘💘

i had this in drafts for so long bc i wanted to post it on valentines like di cheesy person that i am so this is kind of like my version of sending u guys a love letter of some sort,,, flowers n chocolates all that… bc i obviously can’t send u guys flowers n chocolates irl 😣😣😣 anyways aasdjhakdkjh this is gonna be long so ima put a read more right here ♥

@zyxgf​ aka jackieMISS JACKIE!?!?!? uhm i say this all di time but she’s my baby girl 🤢🤢 she’s given me nothing but love n affection and laffs for di whole time we’ve been mutuals,,, 💗💓💕💖💞💗💓💕💖💞 she’s so funni n a relateable kween. giffing kween. kween of being cute… superior xingmi n exo m stan wrow… i’m always excited to see if she’s tagged me in stuff (laysoo) or if she’s messaged me or has made posts abt me or has sent me asks…. like she’s rly one of di reasons i love being here :((((( she’s so cute ohhhh my god..  also she sends me death threats abt yixing pls dw jackie i won’t steal ur man… i’ll steal U from ur man.. 😣😣😣 i’ll make him lose his balance n sweep u away 👀👀👀 i also lowkey wished we talked but ajsdbkjashdkj 

@exoistheuniverse aka ali (formerly sooweetlies a god-tier url wow)ALI IS THE SOFTEST MUTUAL EVER !!!!!!!! AND ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE KSOO-LS :(((( everytime i think of her i think about cotton candy and clouds and penguins and ksoo :((( … she’s so talented have y’ALL SEEN HER EDITS??? AND GIFS?? AND HER CUTE KSOO ICONS !!!! when will i ever… her voice is also di cutest… she always sends me love asks and asdhkas honestly how can i ask for more when she gives me di Most… pls i have a lot of love in my hort for her i always wish her the best n hope that she’s always happy 😣😣😣

@pcys-l aka rimi (formerly loeysoul i mean its true loey is in her soul)RIMI di LOve of my LIFE!!!!!! the first ever mutual i talked to because we both cried abt bruise 🤕🤕 meme queen, is Nasty in her tags abt pcy 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️ THINKS I’M UNLOYAL WHEN I’M NOT but she makes me happy n holds a special place in my hort.. I LOVE RIMI SO MUCH SHE DESORVS DI WHOLE WORLD SHE’S SO FUNNI AND HAVE MADE ME LAFF COUNTLESS OF TIMES AND I’m happy i got to be mutuals w u :(((

@yiffxing aka gabbyPREDDIEST FURRY QUEEN !! YIXING’S SEKSI SHEEP BACK-UP DANCERS R SHAKING !!! even tho we’ve only started talking uhhhh she’s rly di sweetest person ik 🤕🤕🤕 is trash for ksoo but i’ll let her off bc i luv her :\ the person who’ll date will b di luckiest bc uhhh she’s a whole package… fun fact: i was intimidated by gabby at first bc she was too beautiful n i thought i couldn’t b friends w her but 😣😣 I SEND HER LOVE MSGS EVERY CHANCE I GET💗💗💗💗💗💗

@kiungsoo aka livLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven’t seen her on my dash in a while bc she’s on q but i miss her :((( she a fellow twenty-four enthusiast so if u wanna slander miss twenty four u gotta go thru US !! 😤😤😤 she’s also another talented mutual :(( y’all seen her countdown bday posts for ksoo?? go check it out binch!!! go d i love liv 😩😩😩 i hope school and studying is going well for u i wish u all di best i love u 💗

@suhopps aka sunnie my SUNNIEshine (i’ve appointed u that nickname there’s lideralee no escape from it) we talked heaps before but everyone who’s… mutuals w me.. like basically everyone in this list knows i am The Worst at keeping convos 😰😰 but sunnie is so so so so sweet and soft and i love when i talk with you :((( we have so many things in common lmfao and she’s such a dramatic gay but i love it !! i always wish for your happiness and i believe that u can overcome any hardships you’re facing right now,,, i love u sunnie!!!! take care always 😙💘

@sophrosynes​ aka robertaI LOVE ROBERTA SO MUCH !!!!!!! I KNOW WE DON’T TALK BUT I HOPE U KNOW THAT I THINK ABT U AND HOPE THAT UR ALWAYS WELL :((( miss sophrosynes was my very first anon and honestly… she’s so thoughtful and considerate and nothing full of love and g od d dd she has a face to match her beautiful hort :(( thank u for sending me love always 💗💓💕💖💞 id die for u.. 

@kokobaekhyun aka jasmineY’ALL JASMINE’S A WILDT ONE Y’ALL SEEN HER TAGs??? when i thought no one can match rimi in being the Nastiest but.. ANYWAYS i love her either way 🤕🤕🤕 when she’s in soft mode it’s wholesome rly…. WE BONDED OVER MULLET!BBH BC IT’S GOD TIER AND WILL NEVER BE TOPPED anyways yea… love jas… she’s so funny n fun to talk to 😩💘 also if ur in a mood to talk about hard bbh she’S THE GIRL UR LOOKING FOR she’s always in the mood u won’t be disappointed KAJSHDjkas 

@my1ady aka arelyUHMMM NOT TO START BUT SHE’S MY BIGGEST FAN :(((((( WHEN SHE TAGS ME IN STUFF??? AND HER TAGS?? heart n*t :\ I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOVE SHE GIVES ME???? i don’t deserve… 😞😞😞 my anons asked abt her a lot lmfao idk why adkjahskj ONE OF MY FAVORITE XINGMIS HONESTLY!! HAS A GOD TIER URL WROW… my_lady_by_exo-m.mp3 amazing.. and uh loves my man so that’s a bonus… we share mans 🤕🤕🤕 love u arely.. 💗💗💗

@byunchen aka melqueen of making me want to d*e bc of soft n sweet bbh/exo imagines :(( also queen of making me want to KERMIT SUE OF SIDE BC OF THE NSFW BBH POSTS SHE MAKES I H*TE akjdhaskdjh SHE RLY BRINGS OUT THE BBH-L IN ME :\  ALSO MY FELLOW TRIPLE STAN??? VALID ! she’s full of nothing but love and AHHHHHHH I LOVE U MEL !!!!!!!! 💗💓💕💖💞

@exosvisual aka cindySHE ONE OF DI LOVELIEST XINGMIS IVE EVER MET PLEASE !!!! we cry about idol producer trainees together but mainly how hot and yixing distracting looks in all of di goddamn idol p episodes :\ I LOVE HER so much she’s rly so sweet and i’m rly glad i got to meet her :(( and also may i add that she’s… rly beautiful  😭😭😭 💗💓💕💖💞

@byunparks aka maddyMADDY WHO I BONDED WITH DURING THE 3 NIGHTS OF ELYXION !?!?!!?!!!! NEVER FUCKING FORGET !!!!! SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS TALKING AND UH we were both crying and truly losing our minds pls… i haven’t interacted with her much nowadays but she’s one of di best bbh-Ls i know n i love her… thank u for making me happy so i also wish for you happiness ily 🤧💖💖💖

@byunbread aka veraQUEEN VEWWA WHOMST I WUV SO MUCH :((((( not to b dramatic but she’s lideralee one of di best bbh blogs out there… (also random fact; she’s 179cm like… i’m so sorry baekhyun sweetie akshdakjsHDAAKJHDKJA) also uhhh queen of being di most beautiful ??? i’m not kidding :\ altho we’ve only interacted through posts and what not i rly love seeing her on my dash 🤧🤧🤧 i wish you di best for ur studies i wuv u vewwa 💕💕💕

@stanbaek aka ashleyASHLEY !!!!! A-SHE!!!-LY!!! uhm she’s is sososo sweet and her love for bbh is so so wholesome and beautiful and there’s A LOT of it :((( HER BBH BLOG CONTENT IS AMAZING AHH!!! we’ve talked a few times and she’s rly so sweet please.. 😞😞😞 honey i hope you know that you deserve to be happy 🤧🤧 i wish that you’ll always have strength when you experience days that are difficult to go through, i told u that i believe in u okay!!! i love you and i mean it 💞💞💞

@littlechefsoo aka courtneyONE OF MY FAVORTIE KSOO-LS AHH!!!!! i think courtney has been one of my oldest mutuals since i came on tumblr and she’s always been such a lovely person :(( her love for ksoo??? WHOLESOME…. i love it whenever she tags me in di tag games and even tho we’ve only interacted/talked a few times i love her 😣😣💗💗 also have y’all seen her ‘do it for him’ post and the pics were filled with suho’s tiddies from gayo daejun???? YEA MOOD. i love my fellow kyungmyeon-Ls 💖💖💖

@kyungsooslatinagf aka jossyJOSSY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!??!?! i love reading her tags when she reblogs from me pls kashdkahs also another one of my all-time favorite ksoo-Ls ♥♥♥ she’s one of di few people who came to check up on me during… a hard time so thank you for that :(( a fellow shawol-L and honestly miss jossy is beautiful my gosh 😩💘 we’re both tauruses so i think we have a lot in common lmao i wanna b able to interact n talk w u more miss jossy ily 🤧🤧💖💖

[briteboy]

LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM 

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp. 

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad

[iamyounicorn]

-Yes, lampposts were a thing in ww2, not like what they are now but they existed. I've seen mentions of lampposts in Brazilian books from the 19th century (that's as old as I read, sorry) (and I know some of them still exist)

-People nod a lot irl too don't worry

-Rain can stop suddenly, just go "and they just noticed it stopped raining, how dumb of them"

-Night time = best time

-Have you tried the ";" or the "."?

-Rats are very smart just look at Tom&Jerry

-People sigh, and huff, and hum in discontent, and make other sounds, and it's ok if you forget to vary terms, you can look up more of them later, you're still going to reread and edit and polish this

-Don't try to run a mile just of this if you're a sedentary writer like me, your lungs will burn, your legs will ache and feel so stiff and heavy you won't even want to lift your feet, you'll be tired and hungry, and overall you'll just regret it a lot (I don't run but I used to walk a lot to class and run to this other class a bit farther than the other side of the street and one time I had to get a bus and walk/run to this far part of a university campus because of a thing)

-The weather is important to set the mood and maybe create some limitations (because for example running or jumping isn't very recommended when it's raining, and you don't want to stand outside talking or walking for hours when it's sunny and/or hot)

-You can't do 20 pages in two hours for school because the subjects school makes you write aren't as interesting and don't give you as much freedom to do what you want

-Time to look up terms again and always, forever and beyond, looking up terms is an eternal journey

-Make references, everyone loves references, even the big old authors make references, we just don't notice because we don't know the old memes and whatever

-The ones that move are the electrons (is that how it's spelled?), unless you're talking radiation (like nuclear power and bombs and whatever), in which case I have forgotten most but I'm pretty sure it's either electrons again or protons (it actually depends of the kind of radiation and I'm not gonna look that up for a tumblr post), neutrons are too dumb to move

-Breaks are important, take as many as you need, they help cool your head and that helps sort out ideas, so go ahead and distract yourself

-How do I start this paragraph what should I talk about heck I don't even know where I'm going with this why is writing so hard

Writer things

- were street lamps invented in ww2????

- how much does an arm cost tho

- Everyone is nodded. All the heads are nodding in this conversation

- wait no it was raining wasn’t it *looks back ten pages* yeah okay why did i do that

- It’s still night right?

- It’s been night for like 30 years at this point

- what’s that guy’s name again? I should know this these are my babies

- I have no idea how you guys are going to get out of this alive so figure it out kids

- *googles* how to travel across Europe during the middle ages

- effects of the bubonic plague???

- shoot, comas don’t work like I want them to. I need a convenient coma

- Everyone has the ability to quirk one eyebrow why is this

- how smart are rats

- I think they’ve sighed like 30 times now

- how do i describe what its like to run a mile I’ve never done that in my life

- Im sure its just like super hard

- No one cares about the weather stop

- i just wrote twenty pages in two hours why cant i do this in school

- everyone smirks too much but what else do i say its not a smile its too sad for that

- and now everyone is just ‘smiling sadly’.

- chuckled sounds like santa clause but laugh is too much but snickered is evil but giggled is too bubbly…

- what is the purpose of a rubber duck

- no, don’t make references this is a serious piece of literature

- “now if I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow”

- okay i need tea and music and oh wow look at that someone liked my tumblr post…