#i was gonna add text but then i was like (nah the story tells itself)

[call-sign-foxtrot]

November Musings: From the Archives

Mate, it's like a flipping maze, this whole deal with misunderstandings. People calling you mysterious, and you're just standing there like, "Nah, I'm just as confused as you are." Texts, they're a nightmare for tone. I could be saying something sarcastic, and it reads like I'm planning a surprise party. It's a wild world of misinterpretation.

And then there's the trigger stuff. Someone says the wrong thing, and bam! It's like a switch flips, and suddenly you're knee-deep in emotions you didn't sign up for. It's tricky, 'cause how do you explain it? It's not like you wear a sign saying, "Approach with caution; I might get triggered."

Expectations, man, they mess with your head. November? Supposed to be all cozy, right? But no, it's this combination of exams and stress. You're thinking it's gonna be a chill month, and bam, reality hits you like a rogue wave. Especially when the timetable sucks, and you have got to give your exam in the fucking morning.

And then, you know, sometimes you clock it right the first time. You see through the facade, but you play along.  But life's funny that way. You play nice, drag things along, just to keep the peace.There's this thing, dragging shit on to prove you're a nice person. It's like you're stuck in this loop, yeah? You nailed it from the start, saw the whole plot, but instead of dropping the mic, you're caught in this play-pretend act. It's the regret, the quiet soundtrack to a situation you wish you could rewrite. Thinking if you should have stuck to the original decision. Would that have been a better script? Who knows, sometimes the drama just writes itself. No room for dramatic pauses or ambiguous nonsense. We're not characters in a tragedy here. That's not a clever plot twist; it's just a low blow. There's a classic, though, pulling crap to play the victim doesn't make it a free pass to hurt others; a part of the one-man show with a cryptic routine, perhaps. What's nice? We're not talking about a cup of tea here, November. Do better. And this high school trauma subplot you're introducing? Not interested. The story spill was meant for connection, not some twisted blame-game remix courtesy of the other player. It's like throwing a pity party and getting a Rotten Tomatoes rating on my misery. Perhaps next time, I should hire a director to add some cinematic flair to my existential crisis.

November feels like a convoluted mess, like a Picasso painting but less artistic. Congratulations, this is a plotline even I can't follow. Goodbye to the nice and hello to the mess?

The month was supposed to be the appetizer, a prelude to warmth, but it managed to dish out a cold main course of confusion, infusing a touch of bitterness into a cocktail I never ordered. 

Studies, exams, all that jazz –Back to square one, and it's like déjà vu, trying to figure out the syllabus, its purpose and the purpose of life while juggling studies and the exams. Exams in the mornings. It's like the universe telling a joke and expecting me to laugh nervously. 

So, November, the month where control is just a concept, and plans unravel faster than a poorly knitted scarf. Don't hesitate, bare your teeth, go for the throat. 

[adhdeancas]

Hm, mommy issues anybody? Daddy issues anybody? Yeah. Let’s unpack that a little. Not a lot.

Dean runs his hand up the back of his head, feeling the soft spikes of his haircut. It was a stupid tic he’d picked up in his teens, it usually made girls melt. The sensitive guy, the nervous guy, the guy who’s eager to please. It made him look vulnerable. Girls liked that. He started catching himself on it and stopping when he got into his twenties. 

His phone buzzes. He looks at it quickly, ignoring the stupid clench in his heart that comes with the action.

One New System Update Available: Install Now?

He sighs and turns it off.

---

Long hours in the car are usually… uneventful. Full of all kinds of empty time that frankly? Dean likes. It’s a nice break from the constant weird noises of sketchy motel rooms with paper-thin walls, from the creaking pipes in the bunker. Mostly, it’s a break from thinking about whatever batshit depressing problems they have up their ass that week. 

But this time? The open road is endless, like a really shitty, really boring acid trip. A fucking infinity of his ankle cramping up on the side roads. And Sam always gives him the stink eye when he reaches for his phone, so he can’t even do that. He does make pit stops more often than usual, so he doesn’t crawl out of his own skin, and his glares keep Sam from mentioning it. Maybe he just thinks he’s got the shits. He’ll let him keep thinking that.

At least on the pot he can check his phone.

But time and time again, he lays down a loud paper cover that doesn’t do much to cover up the griminess of the seat and sits down, and unlocks his phone. He waits until he’s fully in the stall to do it, even though he could end the suspense the second he puts Baby in park. Maybe he knows what the answer is gonna be.

What the answer always is.

No New Messages. 

He sighs. Story of his life.

---

Sam snatches his phone next time it buzzes in the cup holder before Dean can even reach for it. Dean opens his mouth to gripe, but his stomach ties itself in a knot anyway. He doesn’t know whether he wants it to be… or whether he’s dreading it. 

“Who is it?” he tries to say it casually. It sounds forced to him, but Sam doesn’t notice. 

“Cas,” he’s got this dopey little smile on his face, and Dean feels his face heat up. For no goddamn reason, it’s not like-

“Why’re you- what’s up? Anything wrong?” Dean knows Sam would’ve said right away if something was wrong, but he wants his brother to spit it out already, and Sam looks like the cat that got the cream. That means he’s about to try to be funny. 

“Nah, nah.” Sam grins again, glancing away from the phone finally. 

“Well then put it down, Nosy, what the fuck,” He’s already seen the text, whatever it is, so it’s no use, but Dean bristles anyway. It’s not like Cas would’ve sent him anything actually embarrassing, right? What was the last thing they were talking about… the best roadside pancakes? Yeah, so, it couldn’t be anything weird. Well, it’s Cas, so it could always be something weird. But nothing incriminating. Hell, Sam’s accidentally opened a nude a girl sent him one time so it’s not like it could be worse than that. Not like Cas is sending him nudes. Dean cracks a grin at the thought of what a thirst trap would look like for Cas. Probably him in a, like, half unbuttoned button up laid out in a library chair. Maybe a book in hand. An angel blade. The weapon! Not-

“He just- he just wanted to update you on where he is in Gilligan’s Island.” There’s a laugh in Sam’s voice, and Dean wants to know why. Probably just the way Cas described it, he always finds this certain way of saying things that’s just… kinda endearing and kinda confusing.

“He’s watching without me? Son of a bitch!” 

Sam smirks. “Yeah, he and Jack. Jack finished Pirates of the Carribean and he wanted more island stuff.”

Dean shakes his head. “Motherfuckers…”

Sam rolls his eyes. “You want me to text him back for you?”

Dean rolls his shoulders out. “It’s fine, I’ll just do it at the next stop.”

They pull into the next gas station and Dean doesn’t look at his phone again until he’s hidden. 

---

Because Sam is a nosy bitch, he asks. Well that, and he’s really tired of the car ride taking twice as long with all the stops they’re making. Dean’s usually a ‘pee in a bottle and don’t pitch a fit’ kind of driver, himself included (Sam’s scarred for life at this point), but now? It’s like they’re traveling with a six year old kid, stopping every hour.

The third stop in Oklahoma alone, he stops Dean. “Okay, do we need to go to the hospital?”

Dean quirks his eyebrows and frowns. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He’s got a clue what they’re talking about.

Sam bitches with his whole face. “We’ve been stopping every four fucking feet for days now, so you’re either dying and we need to go to the ER and get an endoscopy, or-

“An endoscope who?”

Sam doesn’t take the bait. Shocker. “Dean.”

Dean rolls his eyes and tries to bypass him. Sam is smarter than he looks. They grab his phone. “Sammy!” This time the word’s annoyed, a warning. Like he used to say right before he really viciously wrestled Sam to the ground and pried the last cookie out of his delicate little hands when they were kids.

Unfortunately, Sam has a height and reach advantage. He holds the phone up and Dean doesn’t have a chance unless- Dean punches him in the stomach. Sam makes a winded noise but manages to keep his arm raised. He glares harder. “You’re gonna talk to me, or you’re not getting this back.”

God, they’re a bitch. “Fine, fuck you. I’ll shit the old fashioned way.” Dean saunters off to the horrifically artificial lights of the gas station, a middle finger waving back just for his little bro. 

 When he gets back, Sam’s looking much more compassionate. It’s worse. “Dean, why are you so obsessed with your phone? What’re you waiting on?”

Dean rolls his eyes and gets in his car, leaving Sam to follow him. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, dude, I’m just making sure I don’t miss any texts from Mom,” He jams the key into the ignition and steps on the gas. Sam’s door snaps the rest of the way shut with the sudden force and they yelp. “Oh, don’t be a drama queen.”

“You’re the dramatic one right now, Dean.” Sam raises his eyebrows, condescension dripping off his expression. “Did she say she’d text soon?”

“Nope.” Dean shrugs. “Just making sure. It’s kinda my fault she died and then came back to life in a world she didn’t understand; least I can do is pick up the damn phone.”

Sam sighs. “Dean, she’s not gonna freak out if you don’t answer right away. Unclench, man.”

“Unclench?” Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. “Fuck off, Sam, I’m fine!”

There’s a tense silence. Dean finally starts to think he’s given up this stupid argument, but then Sam shifts in his seat. “She’s not Dad, Dean. She’s gonna come back.”

Dean bites the inside of his cheek. “Never said she was. And Dad always came back.”

“Dean-”

“Sam, just drop it, please-”

“I know how hard it is-” 

Dean’s harsh laugh cuts the car into silence again. Sam’s got that kicked puppy look on his face, Dean knows it, and he forces his shoulder to relax before talking. “Look, Sammy, I appreciate it and all but- you have no fucking clue what it’s like for your parent to just fucking… ignore you.”

“I grew up with Dad too, Dean. Hell, he lied to me until I was like 6, he ran out on both of us all the time; I never knew where he was, he never told me where he was going-”

“Yeah, well, he always picked up the phone for you, didn’t he?” Dean lets out a harsh breath and changes lanes just for something to do with his hands. 

“He’d stay out for weeks no matter how much I called-”

“Yeah, but he answered. He answered when you called, when you texted, to tell you when he’d be home or to tell you to fuck off and stop calling, but he’d answer.” Dean wipes at his eyebrow. He doesn’t care about this shit. He doesn’t fucking care. “Dad called me when he wanted to talk to me,” then Dean corrects himself “-when he wanted to tell me something. So excuse me… if I get a little antsy. But you- you don’t get it at all.” Dad and Mom, they both left him. Both ditched him as soon as they could and never looked back. Not until they needed him to hunt something. And he got it, he did. But just because he understood didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed. And just because he was pissed didn’t mean he didn’t want them to call. Expect them or hope them to text, just to check in. Something more than coordinates and a link to a news article. 

He wants someone to care about him. And fuck if that isn’t the saddest thing anybody’s ever heard. 

“Dean…” 

It’s been a full five minutes, and Dean’s been waiting for Sam to bring it back up again, to not let this stupid thing go. “What?” he says sullenly.

Sam holds the phone up so Dean can see the screen without taking his eyes totally off the road. It’s a video, and he sees Cas awkwardly holding the camera away from him, two heads of blonde hair behind him. Sam taps the play arrow. 

“Hello, Dean.��� Jack waves behind him with his usual energy, and Cas looks incredibly fond. “I’m here with Jack and your mother-”

“Mary,” Mary corrects. She crosses her arms uncomfortably, but her expression is soft. 

“Mary.” Cas repeats. “I decided to invite her to come by before you and Sam got back- that is, if you’re still coming back today. Sam has been telling me that you’re not going as fast as usual, and while I do appreciate you finally gaining some self-preservation-”

Dean rolls his eyes at the smiling jab. 

“- I do hope you’ll get back tonight. Mary has requested we order pizza and chicken wings, and I got the kind you like- the Mango Habenero, but-”

“No promises they’ll be here tomorrow!” Mary calls out jokingly. Sam’s grinning behind the phone now. 

“Hurry home! I miss you!” Jack adds sincerely.

The camera turns back toward Cas fully for a moment, and he holds it way too close to his face. “Yes. I- We- just stay safe. And stop worrying. And iHop is superior to Waffle House.”

There’s a rustling noise and then the video cuts off. Sam is grinning smugly from the passenger seat. Dean raises his eyebrows. “So you’ve been updating Cas about me?”

Sam shrugs. “We snapchat.”

“You what?”

“I send him pictures of you when you’re looking really constipated.” Sam clarifies unhelpfully. “Cas and I like to think up reasons for why you’re mad this time- avocado toast, streaks on the windshield when you try to wipe it at the gas station, that one piece of hair that does the weird-”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Dean snaps. “Wait, what about my hair?”

Sam laughs. “Just drive, Dean. For the wings.”

Dean frowns and pushes Baby faster. Well… now he doesn’t have to stop so much.

He makes Sam pee in a bottle next time he has to go.

[missjanjie]

Better Than Revenge | Chapter 3

Title: Better Than Revenge Summary: Karma Inc.’s business structure is simple - clients hire them when they’ve been grievously wronged and they send one of their revenge mercenaries to right them. As painstaking as their efforts to remain ethical may be, that may be tested when former detective, Rosé, enlists the squad to pick up where she couldn’t on a much higher scale, with potentially greater consequences. Word Count: ~2.7k (this chapter) | ~8k (total) Relationship(s): Rosnali (Rosé/Denali Foxx), Jankie (Jackie Cox/Jan Sport), Halldoll (Nicky Doll/Jaida Essence Hall), Gimone (Gigi Goode/Symone), Gottlux (Gottmik/Olivia Lux) Rating: T

Read on AO3 | Ko-Fi

Chapter Summary: Rosé learns Gigi, Symone, and Denali's revenge origin stories

-

Woodstock, IL — 2016

Gigi took a deep breath as she stared at herself in the mirror. She could do this, it was fine. Every time her suspicions or confusion would bubble up, she forced them back down. Hannah was nice, she was different from the other popular girls. She didn’t see the ‘weird art lesbian’ with the braces and thick-rimmed glasses, who rarely got pop culture references post-1989, at least, that’s how she made her feel.

“I’ll text you in the morning,” she assured her mother as she threw her bag over her shoulder. “It’ll be fine, I’m just hanging out with a friend.” She was out to her mom, of course, that was her biggest ally. But she wasn’t ready to tell her that the head cheerleader had taken an interest in her. Maybe when and if they became official. Until then, she shook off the last of her nerves and drove to her house, only pulled from her thoughts by the time she was sitting on Hannah’s bed.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Hannah cooed, batting her lashes and resting her hand on Gigi’s thigh.

If Gigi hadn’t been so blinded by her crush, she might’ve thought Hannah was laying it on a little thick, but she couldn’t act like she didn’t enjoy the attention. “Me too, a-about you, I mean. Sorry, I’m just nervous…”

“How come? I didn’t come on too strong over text, did I?”

“No, no I liked it, it’s just… I’m a virgin, like, I’ve only ever kissed before,” she confessed, her cheeks flushing rosy pink. She had talked a big game over text, but being faced with the chance of starting a physical relationship brought her back to reality.

Hannah pouted, rubbing Gigi’s thigh as she thought, letting her hand inch higher. “Well, you’ve got fantasies, don’t you? I know you’ve masturbated before. What do you think about while you touch yourself?”

Gigi hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip. The other girl wasn’t wrong, she did know what she liked, could conjure up vivid imagery to get herself aroused, but she had never said any of it out loud. “I like powerful, confident women. I guess that’s something that drew me to you,” she started, “I wanna just… give up control, be dominated.”

“Really? Tell me more,” Hannah prompted, kissing along her neck and jaw and slowly tugging Gigi’s shirt off in an attempt to coax her to continue.

When Hannah didn’t seem deterred by her confession, Gigi started to relax. “It’s just, I don’t know, I always feel the need to be in control of my life and with sex, I just wanna let go and give up that power.”

“So like, what would you want someone to do to you?” she asked, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.

She bit down on her lip. “Um… tie me up, spank me, choke me, and I know it’s kind of intense but maybe something like cnc or—” the incessant buzzing of her phone distracted her and, concerned it might be an urgent call or text from home, she took her phone out. “Sorry, one sec.”

It wasn’t from home, she had two missed calls from her best friend, Crystal, followed by several texts.

Crystal: GIGI STOP Crystal: SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Crystal: She’s broadcasting you on IG live! Crystal: We can see and hear everything…

Gigi’s face fell, her first instinct to pull her shirt back on. Then she slowly looked up and in front of her, that’s when she saw it, nestled between stuffed animals — Hannah’s phone with an instagram live going. She didn’t say anything, just ran out of the house as fast as her legs would take her and through her tears drove right to Crystal’s house. That was when the two of them formed their plot.

In and of itself, it was simple. Gigi waited one day until Hannah was away for a cheer competition and went to her house. “I’m so sorry to bother you, Mrs. Andrews, but I think I left some of my homework in Hannah’s room, she just said to let you know so I can run in and grab it.” Once inside, she found exactly what she was looking for, sliding Hannah’s diary into her backpack and went right back out.

“This feels very Mean Girls, I love it,” Crystal remarked as they taped page after page of the diary on lockers, walls, anywhere they could.

“Well, plan B was to go the Heathers route, so let’s just hope it works.”

And to say it worked was an understatement. As it turned out, Hannah had written things far more incriminating, and because it came from someone of her social ranking, it made everyone immediately lose interest in Gigi’s livestream scandal, and she graduated with the anonymity she needed for survival.

Present Day

“I’ll be honest with you,” Rosé remarked, “it’s kinda hard to picture you as an ugly duckling, especially the way you described it.” Gigi was too pretty, too perfect. Something didn’t add up.

Gigi got out her phone and scrolled through her photos until she found one from her senior year. “Believe it, doll,” she said as she held her phone up. She watched with an amused expression as Rosé looked from her phone, to her, and back with her eyes wide and mouth agape. “Braces off, lasik, learned a lot about how to dress while going to FIDM, which is where I met Symone, who helped fill in the blanks.”

“And made sure she got to do all them things she listed to that bitch without feeling ashamed about it,” Symone added with a smirk, draping her arm around Gigi and pulling her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Why don’t you tell her your story next, baby?” Gigi prompted.

Conway, AR — 2014

Symone watched her sister throw her bag over her shoulder and start to sneak out the window. “Look, I ain’t snitching or nothing, but I still don’t think this is a good idea.”

She and her sister, Lala, were close, sometimes referring to themselves as twins – they were only ten months apart, in the same grade at school. And until the summer after sophomore year, they had the same group of friends. But the crowd Lala ran with now just rubbed her the wrong way.

“You worry too much,” Lala brushed it off. “I’ll be fine, in bed by morning like nothing happened.”

But when Symone got a collect call two hours later, she found out things were far from fine. She drove down to the county jail as fast as she could without getting pulled over herself. Luckily bail was a mere fifty dollars, but once she got her sister back in the car, she looked at her incredulously. “What the fuck happened?”

“One of ‘em brought weed, another brought booze, but when the cops rolled up on us, they said it all was mine. And who was they gonna believe, me or three white kids?” Lala sniffled, wiping her eyes. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me,” she whispered.

“I don’t either,” Symone admitted quietly, frustrated at her inability to come up with an immediate solution. “But we’re gonna do our best to get you out of this, okay?”

The best they could do wasn’t easy. It involved a lot of legal maneuvering, meetings with one person in a suit after another. The end result wasn’t ideal, but it was far better than what could have been. Lala was fined three hundred dollars and put on thirty days of probation. In and of itself, it didn’t seem so bad, but the residual consequences took their toll.

“I lost my scholarship, ‘mone. That was my ticket into college,” Lala sighed. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m getting off with a slap on the wrist, but I really ain’t thrilled about taking out student loans,” she sat down on the floor beside the bed, head leaning against it. “Or maybe I’ll start with community college, I dunno. It just fucking sucks that they all got off with warnings.”

Symone’s brows knitted together, her lips pressed into a fine line. “Don’t you worry baby,” she said after a moment, “they gon’ face consequences one way or another.”

It had taken most of spring break, but Symone finally had all of the pieces for her plan. “Not the most convoluted thing in the world, but it’ll get the job done,” she mused.

Lala looked at her sister, then at her desk and back. “Do I even wanna know where the hell you got coke from?”

“No, you do not.”

Getting the drugs was the hard part. Getting into school early to plant the drugs in the lockers of Lala’s former friends was far easier, as was leaving an ‘anonymous tip’ from a ‘concerned student’ on the principal’s desk.

“God, I wish I could’ve seen them get hauled off in cop cars,” Lala remarked as she and Symone drove home from school. The three students were quietly escorted out of class and arrested, the school wanting to bring as little attention as possible. “Shame that they rich daddies will still get them off lightly.”

Symone sighed and nodded. “Sure, but they’re still gonna get something, which is more than what they got when they threw you under the bus. Bet they’re gonna think twice before they let someone else take the fall for them.”

Her sister smiled softly and shook her head. “You really ain’t gotta do all that for me, you know?”

“I know,” she hummed, “not gonna stop me, though.”

Present Day

“Wow, that’s both selfless and hardcore,” Rosé remarked with an impressed nod. “Did she ever find out where you got the coke from?”

Symone laughed and shook her head. “Nah, that secret I’m taking to the grave.”

Rosé jokingly put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, fair enough,” she chuckled. After a moment, she turned her attention to Denali. “That just leaves you, princess,” she remarked, a slight smirk tugging at her lips. “What’s your claim to infamy?”

Denali tossed her hair off her shoulder and grinned softly. “Who, me?” she cooed, fluttering her lashes. “Well, it is kind of an interesting story…”

Nicky rolled her eyes and tossed one of the couch pillows at her head. “Stop flirting and get on with it already.”

Fairbanks, AK — 2011

Denali groaned when the sound of loud footsteps racing up the stairs pulled her from her quasi-asleep state, then pulled a pillow over her head when the door swung open.

“What the hell are you still doing in bed when the qualifiers are in two hours?” her friend, Kahmora, asked with incredulous horror. She yanked the covers off of her, but stepped back in concern when she finally caught sight of Denali’s face. “Oh god, you look like shit.”

She frowned and rolled over to face away from her. “I feel like I died and was in the process of being reanimated, then killed again,” she lamented. “It’s probably food poisoning… or maybe swine flu came back, I dunno.”

“Did you eat anything unusual?”

Denali furrowed her brows as she wracked her brain. “I mean, Tara gave me those brownies and I had one, but when she said they were ‘special’, I just thought she meant they had weed in them, but that sure as hell isn’t it.” With as much energy as she could muster, she sat upright. “Oh my god, do you think she poisoned me?”

Kahmora arched her brow. “I think that’s a bit much, even for her. Do I think she put something like a laxative in there so it’d take you out long enough that you couldn’t beat her out in the international qualifiers? Yeah, probably. She’s a cunt.”

The skater scowled, her jaw clenched. “She’s a dead cunt,” she corrected, then suddenly shot out of bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered as she raced to the bathroom yet again.

There wasn’t an obvious revenge plan for Denali. She knew that nothing she did would get her spot in the competition, and she wondered if it was even worth it. But her pettiness and spite won out and she began planning out her course of action.

“Remember,” she was saying, “if all else fails, we go the Tonya Harding route.”

Kahmora sighed. “For the last time, you are not whacking Tara’s kneecaps, now let’s go.” Despite some pouting from Denali, they went to get the gears turning in their plan. They got to the ice rink and slipped into the locker room without being noticed by Tara, who was in the middle of practice.

Denali picked the lock and took out Tara’s change of clothes. Then she reached into her own bag and pulled on latex gloves and a plastic bag containing several leaves of poison ivy. She turned the shirt, pants, and socks inside out and firmly rubbed the leaves against the fabric, making sure she left as little fabric uncovered as possible. “She’s lucky I’m merciful or I’d rub it on her panties too,” she remarked offhandedly.

Kahmora tilted her head as she watched her. “Do you actually think it’ll take her out of the competition?” she asked as her friend put the leaves and gloves into the ziploc bag.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I mean, it’s possible, probable really, that the constant itching might make it too difficult for her to skate. But this is more about getting even with her. I might not ever get another chance to compete for internationals. She’s lucky the only retribution she’s getting is a few weeks of itchy blisters.”

“Otherwise you’d Tonya Harding her?”

Denali nodded brightly. “Exactly! Now come on, we have to get rid of the evidence.” And with that, they scurried out of the locker room as inconspicuously as they’d entered it and threw out the evidence in a trash can several blocks over.

When the news broke that Tara had withdrawn from the competition due to ‘unexpected physical problems’, Denali did her best to feign shock and didn’t celebrate until she and Kahmora were alone.

“So, what do you wanna do now?” Kahmora asked.

Denali tilted her head in thought, then smirked. “Let’s go get brownies.”

Present Day

“Personally, I still think you should’ve busted her knees,” Mik mused offhandedly. “Like, I bet you would’ve figured out a way to get away with it, you conniving bitch,” he teased.

Denali shrugged. “Maybe, but it’s not very original and it’d look a lot more suspicious on my end.”

“I think it was pretty badass,” Rosé offered, making the other woman smile which, in turn, made her heart flutter — something she chose to actively ignore. Instead, she let all of their stories sink in. None of their reasons for revenge were out of line, none of their victims undeserving. And none of the consequences were as severe as some of the things she had seen in her time. “You all really know what you’re doing, huh?”

“We wouldn’t have been able to keep this up for three years if we didn’t,” Jan replied. “We had all of the potential on our own, but we make a difference together, and then we added Jackie to tie up the loose ends. It’s been smooth sailing from there.”

“Yeah, and now Jackie ties you up instead,” Nicky teased, earning an eye roll in response.

Rosé watched the group interact with a fond smile. She had assumed they all got along to be working together for as long as they have been, but she hadn’t anticipated them truly behaving like a family. It was a stark contrast to the constant coldness and curtness she had grown accustomed to, both in her previous career and in the environment she grew up in. She only hoped it would make the tasks ahead that much easier for them.

[briefpeanutengineer]

fun fact, i'm drawing nyo latvia right now and i went to go look for a reference for her just to see what i could do with her as a character. i saw a picture that linked to tumblr that i thought i saw on instagram. clicked the link and expected to be taken to tumblr, but nah i think i accidentally clicked on some obscure ad or something because i got a pop up to activate something for calendar. didn't see what it said but i just blindly clicked yes because i don't fear anything apparently

filled my calendar app with "iphone not protected?? virus incoming????" and a sketchy link. of course i did not click on the link, but it freaked me out a ton since i am very gullible

long story short instead of telling a parent i just deleted the calendar app. so if i never come back to tumblr you know what happened to me 😎 /j

(don't click on any sketchy links btw. i'm sure it's just a phishing scam and that if i clicked the link i would've gotten a real virus but if my phone acts up i will in fact be asking a parent to take it to a specialist. don't worry, my phone is fine!)

- edit, would like to add on that i looked up the original thing and no it was not tumblr. the link looked extremely similar to tumblr, though. so i probably didn't click on an ad it was probably the website itself. yikes on bikes. good lesson to always check links first though lol

- edit 2, i keep getting notifications for that "virus gonna infect phone oh no!!!!!!" calendar thing so yeah wish i never did that. i turned off notifs for calendar so let's see what comes of that. c'mon bae stop texting me 🙄🙄🙄

[firebrands]

one day like this (steve/tony, fake dating)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, T, fake dating, no powers AU, 4k words | also on ao3

Marvel bingo card fill for "fake dating" and also to a prompt Ferret left on the MCU discord: "fake dating au where the one who asks does it *expressly* because they have a huge crush and they want to show the other person how awesome it'd be to date them. Instead of being sad and pining the whole time, they spend the fake dating period (wedding or whatever) doing their damnest to get a real date out of it. Works either if the datee had never thought about them being more than friends until the fake date, or if they have been the one secretly pining, and the more the asker piles on the charm, the more depressed they get. Asker pov."

For @festiveferret who gave this prompt, and @omg-just-peachy and @valhqlla who wanted fake dating when I posted my bingo card!

***

The group chat is busy tonight, Tony notes with a wry grin. For some reason, everyone’s looking for ways to procrastinate, and the messages started flooding in as soon as Clint sent a video of a small dog falling down a few stairs. “Me, thinking i’m done with work,” he said.

Nat floods the chat with various stickers of cartoon characters in distress, Sam complains about the modules he has to go through, Bruce chimes in about the conference he doesn't want to attend, and then finally, Steve jumps in. 

ughhhh i want to get dinner but i don't have time i miss u all, he texts.

Tony’s eyebrows raise at the opportunity that has presented itself so neatly.

He taps on Steve’s name to send a message privately. 

Hey, wanna work together tonight? Gotta crunch some numbers and I’d appreciate the company

Steve responds quickly: Pick me up from my office and it's a deal

Tony smirks. This was almost too easy. I’ll sweeten the pot and buy you dinner, he texts.

He sets his phone aside and begins to pack up his things. His phone pings with Steve’s reply. 

If ur feeling generous then why don't we invite clint and sam

Tony groans. It was too easy, then. He bites his lip, and types out his response. He stares at the message for a second, takes a deep breath, then presses send.

Nah, just wanna be with you

He follows it up when he sees that Steve has read the message. Be there in 20 mins

**

Steve slides into the passenger seat, and Tony’s heart flutters when he Steve turns to him with a smile.

“It’s been a while,” he says.

“Yeah,” Tony says, trying his best not to sound too dreamy. “Two weeks, right?”

“Has it already been that long?” Steve buckles his seatbelt. “I’ve been really busy with work.”

“Me too,” Tony begins to drive, then realizes he doesn’t have a destination in mind. “Where do you wanna go?”

Steve shrugs. “Anywhere with a charging port?”

“How about that place with the ice cream��you liked?” Tony hedges.

“Oh god, yes please,” Steve groans, “What’s it called again? I never got to go back because I forgot the name.”

“You would.”

Steve scoffs. Tony has never wanted to lean over and kiss him more, but he doesn’t. Not yet.

**

“So you remember Pepper, my friend?” Tony asks after polishes off the pasta from his plate. 

“Yeah, ‘course I remember Pepper,” Steve says, eyes still on his food, then he looks up as he takes the last bite of his burger. “Why?”

“Well, she’s getting married next month and well,” Tony starts, waving his hand around breezily. “She reserved two seats for me because she thought—well. Anyway. She reserved two seats for me and I really don’t want to tell her to cut it down to one, because I’m sure she’s already finalized her table arrangements and I don’t want to bother her with—so, the point is,” Tony exhales quickly, and flashes Steve his most charming smile. “Do you want to come with me?”

“What, like your date?” Steve asks, frowning as he wipes his hands on a napkin.

“Yeah, exactly like that.”

“Me?” Steve asks.

“Yeah, you.” Tony furrows his brow when he notices Steve is slowly, methodically, tearing his napkin to shreds. “Who else am I talking to?”

“Why me?” Steve asks, looking a bit helpless.

“Why not?” Tony asks, nonplussed.

“That’s not a fair response, Tony,” Steve chides.

“Do you not want to go?” Tony licks his lips nervously. “It’s okay, I can ask someone else, or something, it’s fine”

Steve opens his mouth to respond, but snaps it shut when a waitress arrives with his dessert. The silence stretches on and Steve shoves a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

Tony balls his hand into a fist to stop himself from wiping at the small smear on the side of Steve’s lip, and digs his fingernails even deeper into his palm as he watches Steve’s tongue poke out of his mouth to lick it off.

“I just…” Steve pauses, then tries to nonchalantly hide all of his ripped up tissues under a napkin. “I don’t know, you don’t think it’s gonna be weird?”

“Why would it be weird? I’m a swell date.” Tony gestures to their empty plates, the ice cream melting in Steve’s cup. “See? I treat you right.”

Steve frowns again. “This is a date?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be, babe,” Tony winks. He’s laying it on pretty thick, sure, but that just means he can brush it off as a joke if Steve gets pissed. God, he hopes Steve doesn’t get pissed. 

“Tony, you’re scaring me. You have that face on,” Steve says hesitantly.

“What face?” Tony snaps out of his thoughts, smiles his most captivating smile. “My face is fine.”

“Your weird… pinched in face.” Steve waves around a spoon as if wiping his words away. “Nevermind.”

“So?” Tony wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Date me?”

Steve laughs, and Tony almost doubles over in relief. 

“Fine.”

“Fine? God, I was hoping for some excitement! We get to dress up, eat great food—Pep’s got great taste in food, let me tell you—and you get the best date this side of the Hudson.”

Steve rolls his eyes affectionately. “You forget that I only have one suit, so you’ll have to deal with my award outfit.”

Tony throws his head back and groans with exasperation. “That thing? Does not highlight your assets.” Tony looks back and gazes at Steve appraisingly. “I’m thinking… blue.”

Steve’s eyebrow is quirked up, unimpressed.

“Because of your eyes,” Tony says, gesturing to Steve’s face. 

“Groundbreaking,” Steve deadpans.

“Hey, I’m not the artist here, you are. All I'm saying is that now that you’re my date it’s only right that you dress the part. And I'd be remiss if I didn't help style my date, right?”

Steve rolls his eyes again, shakes his head as he bites down a smile. “Is it too late to take it back?”

“Of course it is.” 

“Should’ve known you had an ulterior motive for asking me to work together,” Steve sighs dramatically.

Tony pouts. “I thought you said you missed me.”

“I did,” Steve agrees, smiling as he eats another spoonful of ice cream. “And now, somehow, I’m your date to Pepper’s wedding.”

“I know!” Tony grins giddily. “Aren’t you excited? I’m excited.”

“Of course you are,” Steve laughs. “Are we going to make up a story about how I ended up your date?”

“Do you want to? I thought that would be too much.”

Steve looks up from his ice cream. “Too much?” He asks, “so you know the meaning, then?”

“Ass.”

Steve grins devilishly. 

“I was thinking of just saying, you know. We kinda finally realized we’d be good together,” Tony says, and he’s being so honest that it hurts a little.

Steve’s grin falters for a second and Tony worries if he’s said something wrong, but Steve laughs it off. “That’s boring. We could come up with something about how we started dating, it’d be funny, right?”

“Yeah,” Tony says, smiling tightly. “Funny.”

They smile at each other for a second and Tony wishes he could just come out and ask Steve what he was thinking, but things don’t work that way. 

“How about,” Steve starts, tapping his nose as he thinks. It’s an adorable tic, and Tony relaxes a little has he takes in how Steve looks in the soft yellow light of the cafe.

“I have an idea!” Tony says, all of the sudden. “Let’s just keep making things up. Keep each other on our toes.”

Steve laughs. “That sounds so dumb,” he says. “Let’s do it.”

**

Steve’s jaw literally drops when he turns to look at himself in the mirror.

Tony, standing behind him, is looking equally guppy-faced in the mirror.

“Steve,” Tony says reverently, letting his eyes sweep over Steve’s new blue velvet jacket and black pants. “You look amazing.”

Steve lets out a shocked huff of laughter. “Yeah, I do, don’t I,” he says.

Tony gently lays his hand on the small of Steve’s back, taking the opportunity to look at him closer, then from different angles.

“You have outdone yourself, Luis,” Tony says to his tailor, who puffs his chest up in pride. 

“Of course I did, Tony. Can’t have you going on a date with someone who isn’t dressed equally sharp, huh?” Luis winks

Tony chuckles, then turns to Steve. “You like it, right?”

“I do,” Steve says, still looking at himself in the reflection. “Not so sure about my bank account liking it though.”

“I told you, I got this,” Tony says, patting Steve’s shoulder.

“I really can’t accept—I have the money, Tony.”

“I know. I didn’t say you didn’t. What I am saying is that this is part of the dating Tony experience. Wining, dining, suiting….” Tony pauses, then winks at Steve when he adds, “un-suiting.”

Steve giggles. “You’re wild.”

“Absolutely feral, my dear,” Tony says. He stops himself just in time from pressing a kiss to Steve’s cheek. 

Luis tells them that he’ll finish up the stitching and have it sent over to Tony’s apartment when it’s done.

“Why not to mine?” Steve asks.

“Because we’ll be coming from my place?”

Steve is quiet for a moment before he asks, “Why?”

“Because we’ll take my car…?” Tony bites his lip.

“Wait. Where is the wedding?”

Tony balks. “Hudson Valley?”

“What?!” Steve screeches.

“I thought I told you—” Tony starts, hands raised in a placating motion. 

“You did not,” Steve begins to fret, wringing his hands as he does. “All you said was a wedding next month, oh my god. I need to file a leave.”

“Sure, yeah,” Tony nods. “It’s on a Saturday though, and we have a room booked just for Saturday night.”

Steve relaxes, and the jacket highlighting how broad his shoulders are. The suit really does accentuate all of his best features. Which, Tony thinks, is all of them, but that’s neither here nor there right now.

“Oh.” Steve says. “What else do I need to know?”

Tony laughs. “I don’t know. I’ll look for the invitation and send you a picture. But it’s—whatever, I got you, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Steve gives Tony a disapproving look and sets his arms akimbo. “When it’s you, Tony, I always worry.”

“That hurts,” Tony pouts and clutches his chest. “That’s hurtful.” 

“I’m only saying it because you haven’t proven me wrong,” Steve says with a smirk, and god, it takes every ounce of self-control for Tony not to get on his knees in front of Steve, standing like that and looking god-like. He always was weak for a big man in a suit.

“Fair,” Tony says, instead, and turns to leave so Steve can get undressed.

**

Tony adjusts his tie in the mirror and behind him, Steve is bent over tying his shoelaces. Tony spends a few more moments preening, and stops only when he sees in the reflection that Steve is fumbling with his cuffs.

“Let me,” Tony says, closing the short distance between them and batting away Steve’s hand as he deftly inserts the cufflink and locks it. He gestures for Steve’s other wrist, and Tony can feel Steve gaze on his hand as he tightens the cuff. “There,” Tony says, softly. “Need help with your bow tie?”

Steve’s frown deepens. “Is it that obvious?”

Tony smiles fondly at him. “No, but I’ve never seen you in a bow tie, either.”

Steve lifts his chin obediently as Tony takes the two ends of the bow tie in his hands. This close, he can see how clean Steve’s shave is, can see how his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” Steve says a bit breathlessly.

Tony looks up at Steve questioningly, and bites back a smile when he sees the blush on Steve’s cheeks. He never figured Steve to be the one to blush when embarrassed.

This close, it would be so easy to pull Steve in, close the gap between them. But he holds off; they still have a whole evening together and a shared bed to boot. (Pepper had taken him seriously when Tony said he had a date, and she didn’t know how much she was helping Tony’s cause when she got them a room with queen-sized bed. Steve had laughed when he’d seen it, and made an offhand comment about how it was all par for the course, being Tony’s date and all.)

“All done,” Tony says, smoothing down the lapels of Steve’s jacket and giving him a once over. “You look devastatingly handsome.”

Steve’s cheeks brighten even more. “Thanks, Tony,” he says bashfully. “You look great, too,” he adds, after a moment.

Tony beams. “All for you, Steve,” he says, and he means it.

**

Tony spends most of the beginning of the reception program sneaking glances at Steve, startling only when he and Steve’s eyes meet as he was furtively checking him out again.

“This is fun, right?” Tony recovers quickly. 

“Super!” Steve says brightly. 

Tony only stops looking at Steve when Pepper finally makes her way to them, changed out of her wedding dress into an equally beautiful but much more sensible white gown. 

“God, Pep, if I knew you cleaned up this well I would’ve just married you myself,” Tony says, standing to press a kiss to Pepper’s cheek. “Congratulations, by the way,” he adds, then pulls her into a tight hug.

“I know,” Pepper says, pulling away and adjusting Tony’s pocket square. “That’s why I never cleaned up for you,” she teases.

Tony pouts, then remembers Steve when Pepper raises her eyebrows and looks at Steve pointedly.

“This is Steve!” Tony says, taking Steve by the arm and pulling him close. “He’s my date.”

“Congratulations!” Steve says, before kissing Pepper on the cheek.

“Thank you! I’m so glad to finally meet you,” Pepper says. “I have heard so much about you.”

Steve blushes, and Tony has to give him points; blushing on purpose was a skill even he hadn’t mastered. The ‘aw shucks,’ look sells it even more.

“Really?” He says, sounding strangely disbelieving, as if he’d never thought Tony would talk about him, which is dumb, in Tony’s opinion. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too,” Steve adds quickly.

“Good,” Pepper says loftily. 

Steve laughs.

“When did you start dating?”

Tony opens his mouth to respond but Steve is quicker: “Oh a few months ago. Tony took me out to dinner and held my hand as he walked me home.”

“He walked?” Pepper says, skeptical.

“I know.” Steve says, turning to smile at Tony fondly. He was really, really selling this in-love shtick, and Tony feels hope swell traitorously in his sternum. “That’s how I knew he was serious about me,” Steve says fondly, and then, in an inspired move, he takes Tony’s hand in his.

Tony is going to buy him a cake, after all this. That is, if he doesn’t get Steve to go out with him on an actual date. But those plans are for later.

“I hate you both and I regret this already,” Tony says faux haughtily, but keeps Steve’s hand in his.

**

“We were in a mountain climbing group and we shared a tent together,” Steve says to Pepper’s cousin.

“We fought over the last bagel in the cafe,” Tony tells Pepper’s other cousin.

“I bumped his car while I was backing out of a gas station.”

“I bought him sunflowers and it turns out he was allergic to them.”

"We were in the library and we were looking for the same book."

“Oh, Steve was Creative Director for the agency that did one of our campaigns,” Tony says to Nick, Pepper’s boss. “He was really brilliant, he had such great ideas, and I really liked working with him. So one day I asked him out to coffee.”

“Wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest?” Nick asks. “Since you were paying him?”

“By then the campaign was done and Steve wasn’t part of meetings anymore,” Tony says airily. “You really should see his work, Nick. He’s an amazing artist.”

Steve and Nick exchange numbers, and Steve steers Tony to the refreshment table by his elbow.

“You sounded really convincing,” Steve says, surprised. “I didn’t know you knew that much about my work.”

Tony shrugs and picks up an hors d'oeuvres. He scrutinizes the oyster so he doesn’t have to look at Steve when he says, “I pay attention, Steve.”

Steve pops a canapé into his mouth and then downs a glass of champagne. “That’s nice!” he says, and then wanders further down the table to eat more food.

**

Steve looks up at the speakers when a song begins to play. A soft smile blooms on his face and he says, “I love this song.”

“Dance with me, then,” Tony says, offering Steve his hand. He half expects Steve to decline, and feels his heart begin to sink when Steve merely looks at Tony’s hand.

The party is going through a slowdown, the DJ playing sweet, old people music. Of course this is the kind of music that Steve wants to dance to. If he does want to, that is. Tony’s about to laugh off his offer to save face when Steve takes his hand.

They join the few older guests on the dance floor and fumble a little to see who’ll lead. Of course, Tony wins, and he settles his hand into the curve of Steve’s spine, takes Steve’s hand in his. They sway slowly to the music, and Tony lets his eyes drift shut, enjoying Steve’s presence, the easy movements of the dance, being able to breathe the same are as him.

The song ends, and Tony blinks when he sees the small frown on Steve’s lips.

“You all right?” he asks, as they walk back to their seats.

Steve startles at the question. “Yeah,” he says, nodding effusively. “I guess champagne makes me a bit maudlin,” he adds, with a self-deprecating laugh.

“What’s there to be maudlin about?”

“Nothing,” Steve says blithely. “It’s nothing.”

Tony frowns. “We can skip out early if you want, okay?” 

“No, no,” Steve says. “Let’s stay. This is fun.”

“You just said you were getting maudlin.”

“So I’ll switch to whiskey,” Steve says easily. 

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Free drinks!” Steve stands up and buttons his jacket. He turns to Tony with a smile. “Celebrating love! Come on, let’s get drinks.”

“Okay, okay,” Tony acquiesces, and follows Steve to the bar.

**

It’s almost three in the morning when they stumble up the stairs of the old, Dutch Colonial stone mansion. They’re not drunk, not really; Tony stopped himself as soon as he felt the heady flush of tipsiness. He doesn’t trust himself to be drunk around Steve, especially since they were sharing a bed.

Neither of them bother to turn on the light, the full moon casting a glow about the room. Tony both loves and hates how romantic it is.

They both undress quickly, eager to get some rest. Out of everything tonight, this is familiar territory, both of them used to sleeping next to each other whenever nights out with the group got too rowdy and taxis were hard to come by. 

Tony brushes his teeth and watches Steve in the reflection of the mirror, only averting his gaze when Steve unbuckles his belt. He spits out the foam, then flops face down onto the bed wearing only his boxer-briefs. He listens as Steve putters about the room, brushes his teeth, then finally settles down beside him with a pleased sigh.

“Good night,” Steve says. Tony hums in response, then shifts so his back is to Steve. He shuts his eyes and listens to Steve breaths even out and the bed shift with Steve’s weight.

Tony turns again, and startles when finds Steve facing him, looking equally caught in the act. 

“Hey,” Tony whispers. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve smiles, but it looks tentative, so he isn’t.

“You sure?” Tony prods.

“Yeah,” Steve says, then turns to face the ceiling. Tony doesn’t miss the small sigh that escapes Steve’s lips.

Tony wants to touch Steve so badly, even if only to comfort him through whatever is causing this sudden sadness. But he doesn’t want to cross a line. Not that he hasn’t been crossing lines all night, trying to get Steve to see how good he’d be, how good they were together. So maybe he wasn’t scared to ask Steve to pretend to be his date tonight, but there are still a few things that do scare Tony, and he’s done being brave for the day.

**

Steve is standing by the sink when Tony wakes up. Tony yawns, stretches out his back, then ambles over to Steve. They brush their teeth in silence, then Tony playfully jostles with Steve over sink space.

“Stop it!” Steve snaps.

Tony throws his hands up and takes a step back. “Okay, wow, go shower first then.”

Steve sighs, runs a hand through his hair nervously. “No, it’s not that. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Tony says, and leaves the bathroom. He takes a seat on the bed and goes through his memories of the evening, trying to figure out where he could’ve done something wrong.

Then, Steve throws open the door of the bathroom and says, “I had a really good time last night, Tony.” His eyes are wide and he’s blinking like he’s shocked at himself.

“Yeah, me too,” Tony says, confused. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, sighing. “I just had a really good time.”

Tony smiles. “I told you I’d show you a good time, right?”

Steve nods to himself, chews on his lip as he thinks. He opens his mouth to say something, closes it, then goes back inside the bathroom. 

Tony stares at the door, confused, worried, and wondering what he can do—what else he can do—to get Steve to finally fucking go out with him.

The rest of the morning passes without incident, breakfast and coffee and mingling with the other guests who spent the night. 

They’re packing their bags when Steve turns to Tony and says, “Tony, I think I need to stop hanging out with you for a while.”

“What? Why?” Tony sputters, and he’s scared of the answer.

Steve sinks down onto the bed, rests his head in his hands. “I—god, Tony, why’d you have to—” he pauses again, takes a breath. “I don’t think we can hang out for a while, at least until I’m over it.”

“Over what?” Tony asks, sitting down beside Steve and putting his hand on Steve’s knee. “What are you talking about?”

Steve stares at him through his fingers, then he shuts his eyes tight.

“I haven’t been really honest with you,” he says. 

“Okay,” Tony says, reassuringly. 

“It’s just that,” Steve pauses again, and takes a deep breath. He lowers his hands from his face and looks Tony in the eye. “It’s just that I’m I love you, okay? And I know that this was just supposed to be a fun thing but it’s—“

Tony blanches. “Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he says. 

“Okay,” Steve says, looking chastened.

“No, no,” Tony shifts closer to Steve slowly, like he would a scared animal. He fights down the instinct to jump for joy, worried by the tremulous look on Steve's face. “Steve, oh god. I love you too. You hear me? I love you. I’ve been trying to ask you out to an actual date for the longest time and I thought you just wanted to stay friends so you were humoring me—“

“You MEANT IT?” Steve almost shouts, and jumps up from the bed as if burned. “All those times?”

“Why would I be joking?” Tony asks incredulously.

“Because you’re—“ Steve waves his hands around in a helpless gesture. “You’re you! And I’m just! I’m me!”

“Exactly! You!” Tony pauses. “Why are we shouting?” He asks, tone significantly softer.

“Because!” Steve continues, half-hysterical. “You’re Tony!”

“What does that even mean?!” 

“You’re my friend and I never thought you’d like me and you flirt with everyone and ask everyone out and get them dinner—“ Steve says all in one breath.

“No, I don’t,” Tony says, faltering.

“But you do! You do that!” Steve insists. He’s pacing around the room, now, which should be comical given that he has to turn every three steps, but it just makes Tony feel nervous.

Tony takes a deep breath, then stands and takes Steve by the shoulders. “Steve,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady. “I love you.”

Steve blinks. “You what?”

“I love you,” Tony says again, pulling Steve in close, nose to nose. “I love you, Steve Rogers.”

Steve laughs. “Oh my god,” he says shakily. “You mean it.”

“I do.”

“I love you,” Steve says, eyes wide. “And you—you love me.”

“Yes,” Tony says. 

Steve nods.

“Can I kiss you now?” Tony asks.

“Yes, please,” Steve breathes out.

Tony takes Steve’s chin in his hand and pulls him in—he smiles a little as he hears Steve’s quick intake of breath, right before their lips meet. It’s soft and chaste and tentative and absolutely wonderful.

“See? I told you,” Tony says as he pulls away, smiling as he thumbs Steve’s cheek. “Nothing to worry about, Steve. I got you.”

Steve laughs against Tony’s mouth. “Shut up and kiss me again already, Tony.”

“Yeah, okay.”

[dates101]

The Quarantine Date

These are tough times, tough times indeed. The world has turned upside down, and as a result we have been confined to our homes. “But wait a minute” I hear you ask, “Does that mean I can’t go on any dates?” Well, yes and no. Everyone should be social distancing themselves (meaning keeping apart from each other) so dating in the traditional sense has to be put on the back burner for now. But what if you’ve just started seeing your special someone and are worried this lack of interaction might ruin things. Well, you’ll just have to think more creatively. Or better yet, let me think for you. 

The Date

I’m going to give you 3 core date ideas, in addition to a plethora of fun “video chat” games you can play. But of course, there’ll be some Dates 101 flare added for good measure. Let’s begin with the one you’ve probably heard people doing already.

Video Chat First Date

The is easily the most obvious date idea out there for dating during a pandemic, and I wouldn't be surprised if you’ve heard about this date already. It’s easy enough, hop on to your preferred video chat application, and ‘simulate’ a first date with someone on the other side. Better yet, it can (and will) be used multiple times throughout your isolation weeks because its a fantastic way to communicate with someone! If you’re planning on doing this, I would recommend you start off simple: look presentable (not like you’ve just woken up), set a time where there won't be any distractions, get some wine (or any drink of your choice) and get to know your date. Now, the problem with this date idea in my opinion is it could get really awkward, really fast. What if the lighting isn't good, or what if you run out of things to talk about? I would write out a few topics on a piece of paper beforehand, in case you run into this issue. Some topics of discussion could be... 

-What are you doing to pass the time during isolation?

-What do you do for a living/ If you could do anything else what would it be

-Where have you traveled/ Where would you like to travel once this is over?

-What do you like to do for fun/ What are your hobbies?

-What’s your family like?

-Tell some of your favourite memories

Being prepared is key for this kind of date, and with a list I’m sure your nerves will quickly vanish. Also, don't forget to keep it out of sight. 

Movie Watching

The next date idea requires both of you to have a Netflix account (or similar streaming service). Pretty much you're going to watch a movie together. Simple right? Well, not so fast. Like the video chat date, I’ve seen this idea many times as well. And while I think it could be really fun, I’m afraid most people have never tried watching a movie while trying to talk to someone at the same time. Talk about audio overload... Now, it definitely could be done. Have the volume on the Tv or computer low and the audio on your video chat high. Did I mention you’re doing this on video chat? No? Well that's because it can be done other ways. You could always talk on the phone while watching the movie, which would work much better in my opinion (specifically because you don't want to be focused on 2 screens at once). But I believe the best way to experience this date idea is actually through text; albeit in the chat itself or with your phone (if you're not using it to communicate) Why text? Well, for one its much quieter and less distracting. And two, I feel like the conversation would be a lot better! You can text what you think is going to happen next, who you think the bad guy is, who’s gonna die next, or how scared you are at that very second (if watching a horror movie). It’s also a completely different way of communication, which can be a nice change of pace coming from the video chat date. But feel free to use any method you wish. 

Question and Answer

Like the previous date idea, this can be done through video, phone call or text. But can I make another suggestion? I really feel like the phone is the best method of communication for this one. Why? Because no one uses the phone anymore, and sometimes you want to talk to someone without worrying about how you look (where my sweatpants people at?). So for this idea, you're going to come up with A BUNCH of questions for your date to answer. What should the questions be? Well, anything you want to learn about your date honestly. It can range from the super basic like what's your favourite dessert to the total extreme like if there was a zombie apocalypse what would your game plan be? Ideally you’d want anywhere between 20 and 50 questions. “Wait, 50 questions!?!” Yup 50. The reason I want you to have so many is because you could do this idea multiple times if you wish, or keep the questions coming by text throughout the day. Am I going to tell you what questions to write? Nah, you’ll have to figure that one on your own. Once you’ve come up with your questions, you're going to simply go back and forth with your date answering each others questions (you decide if they're allowed to ask the same ones you asked). 

Quick Video Chat Games

And there you have it, 3 core date ideas you can do without having to leave your house. But what if you’re looking for a more casual date idea? Here’s a bunch of light hearted video chat games you can do to pass the time.

-2 Truths 1 Lie

-Truth or Dare

-20 Questions

-Never Have I Ever

-Sausage (Pick 1 word, in this case “sausage”. Player 1 asks question and Player 2 must always answer with “sausage”. If Player 2 laughs, they lose. Player 1 gets 10 tries, and then the word changes)

-Questions Only (have a conversation only with questions, see who can last the longest)

-iMessage GamePigeon games

But before we go

Wow, this is a long post. But I wanted to give you a comprehensive list of things you can do, so bare with me because this is where things get real. Below you will find really unique, Dates 101 type of activities you can do with your date over video chat. These activities range from mundane to totally outrageous so hope you enjoy! 

Video Chat Outside- Show your date your neighbourhood or cool areas in your city (watch out for data overages). Don't forget to keep your distance from people

Video Chat Drinking Games- can be done while talking or watching a tv show (drink every time you/they do *blank*)

Dinner Date- Eat dinner while talking over video chat (try to make the same meal and see who’s turned out better)

Dinner Theme- Same as above, only have a theme attached to it (Western food, Mexican food, Sushi, Pizza)

Romantic Dinner- Dress up really fancy (maybe add some candles too)

Cooking Channel- Start your dinner date in the kitchen, both must have the same ingredients. One of you is the head chef and directs the other on how to make a delicious meal. Watch each other make the same food and see who’s turns out the best

Guy’s Grocery Games- Be on the phone with each other as you search the grocery store. Each of you picks 3 ingredients that the other must use in their dish. See who can make the best meal with the chosen ingredients included

Bob Ross- Video chat each other while listening to an episode of Bob Ross and painting. Who’s the better painter?

Stranger- Want to make your first date super memorable? Video chat for the first time wearing a whole bunch of clothing on your face (hats, sunglasses, bandanas, etc.). Take turns asking about each other. For example, do you like cookies, do you listen to Ed Sheeran? If the answer is yes, they must take off a piece of headwear. Play until their face is finally revealed. 

Wrap Up

So that was a lot of ideas thrown at you, but that was the point. Hopefully there’s enough here to keep the two of you occupied until this pandemic is over. Don’t feel like using these ideas, or dating for that matter? No worries, you can always do this stuff with your friends! Or wait until we’re allowed to interact with each other again to start dating face to face. But in the meantime, let’s all do our best to get through this thing together, one day at a time.

Remember, make every date a story.

Dates 101 

[ancientwastedlores]

The Support System (Ch: 10)

STORY SUMMARY: The Avengers have managed to collect all the infinity stones across the universe, and are currently keeping them in far corners of the world, only for research and to see if they can improve the planet and its people. Reader is a researcher with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, as well as a field agent. Loki is currently serving time for his actions in New York City in 2012, and struggling to gain acceptance from the Avengers, when reader decides he just needs a PR manager of sorts.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER AO3: The Support System

A/N: Plot, plot, plot! We make progress with the reality gem, and Loki tried to do a little investigating. Find this chapter on AO3 here. 

Warnings: none 

Audience: general.

______________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 10:

Stephen Strange finally texts you that he’s ready to try and crack the Reality gem.

You, Tony, and Vision, have to go of course, but Thor wants to come to meet the ‘Infinity Beer Wizard’ again. Loki accuses him of being an alcoholic, Thor only laughs.

Stephen receives you at the door, with his cape next to him carrying a tray with cups of coffee. Everyone takes one and walks in to set up, while Thor only smiles at Stephen. He rolls his eyes and makes a large mug of beer appear in Thor’s hand.

‘Haha thanks’ he smiles and walks to the opposite corner of the room to take a seat. He isn’t interested in doing anything else.

‘I’ve put Wong in charge for today’ Stephen walks over to your group. ‘Can I help with anything?’ ‘Nah, we got it. Just tell us how this is gonna work’ you say.

He lifts his hand to show you his sling ring. ‘I’ll be entering the mirror dimension with Vision’. ‘Will you be fine?’ ‘I will, I have my own protection spells around me’. ‘We couldn’t figure out a way to surveil inside, we spent weeks in the lab’ Tony interrupts. ‘You sure you don’t have any magic stuff that’ll help us keep an eye on Vision?’

Stephen scoffs at Tony’s use of the word “magic”. ‘No, just me’.

You see that Tony hates giving up control like this, but it IS for the greater good.

‘I must mention, before we begin…’ Stephen says, ‘If I feel like it’s getting out of hand, and the dark dimension is drawing in, I will pull us out immediately…’ ‘Yes, of course’ you say. ‘…with or without the stone’ he finishes. Tony shoots a look at him. ‘What does that mean?’ ‘I mean you could very well lose the stone if things get out of hand’. ‘We can’t lose even a single stone; they’re supposed to be safe with us’. Stephen shrugs. ‘It’s your call’.

Tony turns back to look at you, ‘Did he tell you about this?’ ‘Tony…’ ‘DID he?’ You sigh. ‘He didn’t about this specifically, but he did warn that the stone may be sucked into the dark dimension’. ‘Tell me we have a backup plan in case that happens’ Tony demands.

You shake your head apologetically.

‘There is no way to retrieve it unless you are willing to risk opening a portal to the dark dimension right above Earth. And if you do that, you’ll have bigger concerns than the stone’ Strange adds.

You genuinely didn’t think Stephen would be okay letting the Reality Stone go, and are now questioning if you should do it at all. You see Tony internally struggle.

‘What are the chances of losing the stone?’ he asks. ‘How have your sessions been with Loki?’ Stephen asks Vision. ‘Good. I have been able to control it so far, and get better at it every time’. ‘Then not much’ Stephen says.

Tony is still understandably unsure. You wish you could weigh in, but you’re genuinely torn as well.

‘We’ll do it’ he says finally. Your eyes widen and you reach out to touch his shoulder. ‘Are you sure?’ you ask. He sighs. ‘No. But I trust Vision’.

You know how hard it is for Tony to let go of control and trust someone. You hug him. ‘It’ll be fine’ you try to reassure him, even if you don’t believe it yourself.

‘Then we may begin’ Stephen motions for you and Tony to get out of the way so he can create the mirror dimension. Once created, he and Vision enter, leaving you, Tony, and Thor alone.

‘So… they’re in the room then’ Thor says. ‘Yes, just… whatever they’re doing, we cannot see, and it can’t affect us’ you explain.

His mug continues to replenish itself. Tony plops down on the floor and crosses his legs, staring at where Strange and Vision stepped before disappearing.

Now, all you can do is wait.

xx

Thor has fallen asleep on the floor, and Tony is up, staring at the wall, no doubt day dreaming up another fantastic invention. You’re laying down with your hands on your stomach, only staring up at the ceiling, not a single thought in your head.

Five hours pass, and you hear static electricity. You shoot up to look, and see golden sparks in a circle appear. Stephen walks out with Vision and someone else.

She has no features- only a body shaped like a woman’s, glowing red. Her movements are fluid, but if she stood still, she could easily be mistaken for just a glass sculpture. You’re fascinated, though you can’t look too much because it hurts your eyes.

Tony wakes up too, and he’s staring at the new person.

‘W-who the hell is that?’ ‘Raunverkuleiki’ Vision says. ‘Reality!’ Thor exclaims. ‘What?’ Tony says. ‘Raunverkuleiki is Old Norse for Reality’ he explains. ‘The origins of the stones aren’t Norse, though’ you say. ‘It turns out Reality comes from Norse...’ Stephen opens his necklace, and the room glows green. ‘Time comes from Hinduism’. ‘Wait, what?’ you ask. ‘You didn’t mention that’. ‘So each one’s from a different pagan belief…’ Tony starts. ‘HEY watch it’ Thor warns, not liking Tony’s use of the word “pagan”. ‘Sorry… I meant. You know what I meant, so who is this now? What happens?’ ‘She speaks to me’ Vision says. ‘What’s she saying?’ Thor asks. ‘She wants to go back. I promised we’d let her go after asking some questions and she agreed’.

Confused looks are exchanged. ‘Well…’ Tony looks at Raunverkuleiki again.

‘There’s no way to take her out of here’ Tony says.

‘If I may…’ Stephen disappears for a moment and reappears again, holding some clothes. ‘It’s made by the same monk who made the casing for my necklace. It should be able to contain her powers till you get to the tower. But you might just want to keep from anyone seeing her face. Or lack thereof’.

‘She finds that offensive and is asking you to apologize’ Vision says. ‘Sorry…’ Stephen says immediately.

Vision takes the clothes and wraps her in them, finally putting a hood over her head.

‘You came by car, yes?’ Stephen asks. Tony nods. ‘Bring it to the entrance, close as you possibly can. We’ll put her in’.

xx

‘Okay, your name is a bit long, can we call you Raun for short?’ Tony asks, driving to the Avengers Tower. ‘She says that’s not her name’ Vision says. ‘Yeah I just… okay, never mind’ Tony parks in his private parking, which conveniently leads directly into his lab, where Bruce is waiting.

‘What the hell?’ he cries, as you bring Raunverkuleiki in. ‘Hello Bruce. This is Raunverkuleiki. She doesn’t like Raun. She is also literally reality, and wishes to go back’ you inform. ‘Um…’   ‘My sentiments exactly’ Tony says. ‘I… go back where?’ Bruce asks. ‘She won’t say, but she’s sure she doesn’t want to stay on this planet’ Vision says. ‘She can help the…’ ‘It’s not her job to’ you interrupt Tony.

He glares at you, but you don’t care. ‘She’s kind enough to answer our questions, but she has no obligation to help us further our research or make new things using her. She has been exploited enough by Thanos and The Collector’.

There is silence for a few seconds.

‘She says she likes you very much’ Vision pipes up, finally. ‘Fine. Ask her if there’s any special conditions she’d like to stay in while we make a list of things we want’ Tony sighs in resignation. ‘She says she liked the case you kept her in when she was a stone. Quite warm, but not too much’.

Tony points to the statis cube. You see Raunverkuleiki sprint to the cube and shut herself in, then promptly curl up against the wall. You’re sure she is whatever her version of asleep is.

‘How’d you do it?’ you ask Vision. ‘Well, I kept manipulating reality until she could no longer keep all the changes together. It took quite a while because she’s pretty strong’. ‘I don’t doubt it’ you look back at her. ‘Can we take a minute to just talk about what we’ve achieved here now?’ Bruce asks. ‘We DID it… we finally did it!’

Tony smiles for the first time in hours, and it makes you feel relieved. ‘We couldn’t have done it without you’ he tells you. ‘If you weren’t such a nerd, I mean’.

You laugh. ‘I bet you want a drink’. ‘You’re absolutely right, but I think I’m going to spend some time here figuring out what I want to ask her’. ‘But… we are celebrating, yes? We’ve been working on this for months’ you say. ‘I’m offended that you feel like you need to ask’ he grins, ‘Do you know me?’

xx

You walk through the corridor to Nat’s room to tell her of the developments and pass by Loki.

‘Hey!’ you exclaim. ‘We did it! She’s alive! She's here!’ ‘That’s amazing!’ he grabs you to give you a hug, and you hug him back. ‘Her name is Raunverkuleiki’ you say. ‘She’s beautiful, she’s in the lab right now, asleep I guess’. ‘Wait, she’s Norse?’ ‘I KNOW RIGHT, apparently Stephen’s Time stone is Hindu. I have so many questions, but it’s been a very emotional day for everyone, so I’m keeping it for later’. ‘Can I… see her?’ Loki asks. ‘Sure, I don’t see why not. Just not right now, okay, she’s tired’. ‘Of course not now, right now I want to talk to you’ he grins at you. ‘I’ve been dying to know, I would have come myself, but Clint wanted my help with something’. ‘I don’t know much, but I can dramatize the little I know’. ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll get us some food; I know you haven’t eaten yet’.

You can’t help but smile. You like how he has silently taken up the responsibility of caring for you, like you did for him. It’s so warm and familiar, you don’t want to rebel against how it feels.

You tell him you’ll be right back after briefing Natasha, and he says he’ll keep the food warm.

‘When is she going back?’ Nat asks. ‘Well, I suppose it’s up to her. Right now, she just wants to sleep, I guess. Vision used the stone for like five hours straight, she’s exhausted as hell’. ‘I hope Tony leaves her be for a whole day then, girl’s earned it’. You nod in agreement. ‘We are celebrating tonight though. I mean it’s months of researching and hypothesising and late night experiments…’ ‘You don’t have to defend it’ Nat laughs. ‘I know, Bruce has been giving me every detail, every day’. ‘Excellent. I’ll see you tonight then’ you turn around to walk away. ‘Hey, listen…’ Nat calls you back. ‘Loki was asking me about when you guys left’. ‘Oh?’ ‘Yeah, he asked if I knew about your past. Asked for access to some of your files. I refused of course, but he said it was to help you. I just want your confirmation on whether I should allow him access’.

You’re obviously uncomfortable with this, and shake your head. ‘I’ll speak to him’ you assure her.

______________________________________________________________

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[averagemarvelbitch]

PROMPT LIST CHALLENGE

Challenging myself to write 50 short stories based on a prompts list.

1. “We’re not just friends and you know it”.

Alternate Universe / Stony

Warning: There is a scene where someone exposes someone else’s sexuality and I tried to make it clear that’s NEVER okay. I hope I succeeded.

Tony just couldn’t understand. He tried, God knows he tried, but he couldn’t seem to grasp why Steve would want to keep this, them, a secret.

They had been together for two years now. Tony remembered the day they met like it was yesterday. Rhodey got tired of his roommates shenanigans ― Tony had been in a “inventing spree” for three days, which meant little food, smelly clothes and very deep dark circles under his eyes ― and decided enough was enough. He took Tony by the ear ― literally, he might add ― and locked him in the bathroom until he took a shower, shaved and put on clean clothes. When he resembled a normal person again, Rhodey took him out to a party to get some air, see some people, you’re gonna go crazy in there all alone with your bots, man.

The party was a typical frat party. Lots of booze, lots of people, lots of chances to hook up. And it was there Tony met Steve. He had been in a corner, looking around like he wanted to be anywhere else but there, drinking beer from a plastic cup. Years after, Tony would swear to anyone that it was love at first sight. The minute he saw Steve standing there, with his way too small white shirt, and his blue pants, and his hair looking like freaking Johnny Bravo, he knew he had found the one… The one to spend many nights under the sheets doing things that would make a very experienced hooker blush.

So Tony approached him carefully. He’d learned the hard way to never assume a guy was, well, interested in guys. Straight men could be real dick heads about getting hit on by another man. So he introduced himself with a smile, asked for Steve’s name, which he promptly gave, and they started talking. As the party went on, they talked about everything… college, parents, favorite movies, favorite food, how cool is the new Star Wars movie, and on and on. At one point, Tony asked if Steve was interested in going somewhere private. They ended up in Steve’s apartment, with a very satisfied Tony being thoroughly fucked against a wall.

It could have been just a fling. They could have parted ways the next morning with a very sore ass ― in Tony’s case ― and a wonderful memory to cherish. But Tony woke up to the smell of coffee and freshly baked bagels and went to the kitchen, only to find a very naked Steve wearing a Captain America apron. Needless to say, breakfast was forgotten as Tony sucked Steve’s cock right there on the floor and the blond moaned his name until he came in Tony’s throat.

After that, they would meet regularly. Sometimes, when Steve had a bad day at work or had had a particularly difficult assignment, he would call Tony and they would watch a movie, eat Chinese food and fuck on every available surface in the small apartment. Other times, when Tony was frustrated with some new invention that just wouldn’t work the way he wanted or angry at the fact that every single person in MIT was too goddamn stupid, Steve, I swear to God, he would show up unannounced, already taking his clothes off as soon as the blond opened the door, and he would forget all of this troubles as Steve tore him apart, kissing every inch of his body and pressing him roughly against the mattress as he slammed his cock inside Tony again and again and again until the brunette was covered in cum, murmuring nonsense as he came back from his high, completely and utterly satisfied.

But it wasn’t just sex. They would do other things too. Every week, they’d rent a movie and watch it while cuddling on the sofa. Sometimes, they’d go out for a walk and have hot dogs at the park, or go to Howie’s and have cheeseburgers with fries. They did many couples thing and so, really, no one could blame Tony for thinking they were, in fact, a couple, even though they’d never said it out loud. Maybe Steve didn’t like labels or whatever, but they were definitely dating. Or so Tony thought.

Six months after that party ― and a LOT of mind blowing sex ― Tony begun to notice some things. It all started on a fateful Tuesday. He’d had a very bad day, full of uninteresting classes and way too many assignments due next week, not to mention the lovely phone call he’d gotten from his father earlier, in which, as usual, Howard specified every single thing that was wrong with Tony in a very disappointed voice. All the engineer wanted was to see Steve, to cuddle with him on his very uncomfortable couch and watch bad TV while complaining about everyone and everything as Steve hugged him and stroked his hair. A perfect night for a otherwise shitty day, he thought as he knocked on the door.

Only, when Steve opened the door, he didn’t immediately invite Tony in, which was odd on itself. He kept the door somewhat closed and, when he smiled, it looked more like a grimace than a actually “happy to see you” smile.

“Hey Tony, what are you doing here?”

Tony looked very confused for a moment.

“Uh… I… had a shitty day, thought we could watch crappy TV and eat some Mexican food. Are you… Are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, totally fine”, he answered, taking a quick look inside before turning to Tony, the door still almost closed, as if he was afraid Tony might just walk in if he opened it a little bit more.

“Ok… Can I come in, then?”

“Uh, you know what, I have a friend over, so maybe we could meet another ti…”

“Hey, Stevie, who’s at the door?” a voice asked from inside the apartment.

In a second, the floor flew open, revealing another man. He was tall, with a prosthetic arm, a beard and long hair, pulled together in a bun on the top of his head. But Tony didn’t pay much attention to any of that. He was too busy staring at the pained look in Steve’s face.

“Oh, hey, I’m Bucky”, the guy said, offering his hand.

“Uh, I’m…”, Tony started to say, but a desperate Steve interrupted him immediately.

“This is Tony. He’s a friend from MIT”.

“Oh, cool, you wanna come in? We’re just gonna play some Call of Duty and chill”.

“He can’t stay. Maybe some other time, right Tony?” Steve interrupted again, looking at Tony with a desperate look on his face.

And Tony had to admit. That hurt him worse than a kick in the balls. He had heard about Bucky, of course, he was in every single one of Steve’s stories. But it was obvious that Bucky had never heard of him. Who doesn’t tell their best friend about their boyfriend?, Tony thought. But that was the thing, wasn’t it. Steve hadn’t introduced him as his boyfriend or his partner, he had introduced him as a friend. Not only that, but he was desperate to see Tony gone as soon as possible.

“Yeah, yeah, I, uh, I was just passing by and I gotta… I gotta go now, so… Yeah, sorry to bother you, Steve, I guess I’ll see you around”, as he said the words, Tony was very aware that he sounded like a kicked puppy, but he couldn’t help it. Without waiting for a reply, he just turned his back to Steve and his friend and got the hell out of there.

That night, he got fifteen calls from Steve, three voicemails and a dozen texts. He ignored all of them. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all Steve. He was deeply hurt and had never felt so stupid in his entire life. Of course they weren’t dating. Tony should have seen it coming. He laid there on his bed and remembered every single moment he spent with Steve out in the open. They never held hands when they were in public. They never hugged, never kissed, shit, even when they went to those restaurants, Steve never even sat close to him. He always kept his distance, and at first Tony thought he was just one of those guys who didn’t like PDAs, but now he knew better.  Steve just didn’t want anyone to know he was fucking Tony. He didn’t want people to figure out he was involved with someone like Tony. And honestly, who could blame him? Tony was aware of who he was. Howard had never let him forget it. Lazy, good for nothing, never got anything right. And his last two boyfriends, Justin and Ty, had both agreed wholeheartedly with Howard’s opinion on his son. So why would Steve be any different? He should have known. It was stupid of him to think anyone would want him for anything more than just sex. And so Tony spent the whole night hating himself.

The next morning, Steve came over. Tony met him outside of his building while he was getting out with Rhodey. He told his best friend to go along without him, that he and Steve needed to talk. Rhodey wasn’t happy about it, but left anyway, although not without giving Steve the nastiest look first.

Steve looked devastated. “Tony, look, I’m so sorry”.

“For what?”

“For being a dick to you last night. For introducing you as just my friend. I know that really hurt you and I’m so sorry”.

“Nah”, Tony denied, gesturing with his hand as if the whole thing was no big deal, “It’s fine, I mean, what are you going to do, introduce me to everyone as your fuck buddy? That would be awkward, right?”

Steve looked like he’d been slapped when Tony said “fuck buddies”.

“You’re not… Tony, you know you’re not… that… to me”.

“Really? So what am I, Steve?”

“You’re… Shit, listen… I’m… I’m in love with you, Tony, I really am. I never met anyone like you in my entire life and you make me so happy and all I want is to make you as happy as you make me. But… I can’t tell my friends. They don’t know I’m…”, he stopped talking all of a sudden, looking around like he’s afraid someone might hear him, before whispering the last word, “…gay”.

Tony didn’t know how to react. He remembered when he first came out to his parents as bisexual. His mother thought it was just a phase, something that would pass with time. Howard, on the other hand, almost ripped him a new one. He screamed for hours, called Tony every name in the book, told him he was a disgrace to the Stark name and so on and so on. It was horrible. Then he thought about Rhodey and how terrified he’d been when the older boy caught him in a compromising position with Tiberion Stone. He looked livid. He threw Tiberion out of the apartment and he was so angry Tony actually thought Rhodey might hit him or something. And then he started screaming. And Tony almost burst into tears out of sheer relief. What the hell are you doing with that asshole, Tony? Seriously, he punched his last boyfriend in the face, man, in the middle of a party. There’s no fucking way I’m letting you date that abusive asshole, you hear me? He was worried. About Tony. Not angry that Tony was dating a man and hadn’t told him, just worried about his safety. So, you’re not mad?, Tony had asked with a small voice. I’m mad about a lot of things you do, Tony, like leaving the freaking screwdrivers in the middle of my living room or drinking the fucking milk straight for the carton. But I’ll never be mad about who you are, man. I can promise you that.

So Tony got it. He did, really. The fear of coming out and not being accepted, of losing the people close to you because they can’t accept this very important part of you. And he really did like Steve. Like he never liked anyone before in his life. So he made a decision.

And so, for the past two years, much to Rhodey’s displeasure, Steve and Tony had been secretly seeing each other. Bucky, and his girlfriend, Natasha, knew Tony only as “Steve’s friend from MIT” and seemed to think nothing of it. Sometimes, Natasha would try to set Steve up with one of her friends, and Steve would politely decline while saying he just didn’t have the time for that. And it killed a little bit of Tony when it happened, but he would stand there, every time, a fake smile on his face as he pretended to be Steve’s very straight friend.

And it had worked. It wasn’t ideal, and Tony hated it, but he loved Steve and he was willing to suffer if it meant they could be together. Everything worked fine. Until today.

They were at Steve’s apartment. It was his birthday. All of his friends were there. Sam, Bucky, Natasha, Clint, Thor. He’d invited some of Tony’s friends as well, like Bruce, Rhodey and Pepper. They had beer, vodka, pizza and a huge cake with “Happy Birthday, Dumbass” written in icing, courtesy of Bucky. It was all good, until Natasha came over and started talking.

There were in the kitchen when it happened. Pepper, Rhodey and Bucky were opening pizza boxes and getting paper plates, and Steve was sitting on the counter, drinking a beer while talking to Tony, when Natasha showed up.

“So, Steve, I just talked to Sharon. She said she had a great time. Are you taking her out again or what?”

Immediately, the room got quiet. Pepper and Rhodey, who were both very aware of Steve and Tony’s secret relationship, turned to look at Tony, who looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

“What date?”, he asked quietly, looking at Steve.

“It’s nothing, just…”

“You went out with someone?”, Tony asked again, the pain now clear in his voice.

“Yeah, but just to make Nat… No, wait, Tony, stop”, he said, jumping down from the counter, but Tony was already leaving the kitchen.

He ran after him and grabbed his arm, trying to stop him from leaving the house. The others ran after them, stopping at the door, while Clint, Bruce and Thor, who were at the couch playing videogames, stopped and looked at them, confused.

“LET ME GO, I’M DONE WITH THIS. I’M DONE, STEVE. YOU WANNA HIDE YOUR WHOLE LIFE, THAT’S FINE, BUT I’M FUCKING DONE BEING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET”, Tony screamed, pushing Steve away from him.

“Wait, what. Are you guys…?” Clint started asking, looking even more confused.

“NO, we’re just friends”, Steve tried to explain, but Tony’d had enough.

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it”, he shouted, tears coming down his face now, “I tried to be understanding, I tried to give you time, but FUCK YOU, STEVE. WE’RE DONE”.

And with that, Tony left, Pepper and Rhodey right after him.

It took Tony almost two weeks to even resemble a functioning human being again. In that time, he had cried on his bed every single day, unable to hold it in, as either Rhodey or Pepper sat there by his side, stroking his hair while whispering that everything was going to be okay. Tony didn’t believe them. How could anything ever be okay again? Steve had kept him as a dirty little secret no one could ever find out about, cuddling with him at night, whispering “I love you” again and again in his ear, all the while going out with whoever Natasha set him up. It hurt. It hurt so bad Tony honestly didn’t think he could recover from it.

Natasha had called as well. She apologized for setting Steve up with someone else, berating herself for not noticing anything was amiss before. Tony forgave her, of course. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. His fault for believing in Steve, for thinking he could have this. That he could actually be happy.

But after two weeks of feeling miserable and sorry for himself, Tony decided he needed to get back to his life. Steve already ruined my love life, he thought, a bit dramatically, not gonna let him ruin my academic life as well. So, on a Monday, he got up, got dressed, and left the apartment, somewhat ready to face the day. And found Steve sitting on the ground, just outside his building, with a bouquet of flowers on his hand.

“What the hell are you doing here?”, Tony exclaimed, surprised.

Steve, who was staring at the ground looking miserable, suddenly looked up when he heard Tony’s voice and immediately got up.

“Hi”, he whispered, “I’ve been coming here every day, waiting for you to come out”.

“Why didn’t you just ring the doorbell?”

“I did”, he said, grimacing, “Rhodey broke my nose and told me to get lost both times”.

“Good”, Tony replied, satisfied, even though deep down he felt a little sorry for Steve.

“Look, Tony, please, just let me say this. And when I’m finished, if you want me to go away and never come back, I will, I promise. Please”.

He was begging. He looked so sad and so lost, Tony’s heart melted a little. So, he crossed his arms and waited for Steve to talk.

“I… I know I hurt you. Bad. And I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for causing you so much pain, Tony, really. You were right. The problem was me. Deep down, I knew my ma wouldn’t care if I was gay. And I know Bucky and the others wouldn’t care either. I just… I don’t know, I had this idea in my head that it was different with me, you know. That it was okay for Clint to be gay, but if they found out I was? They would hate me. I don’t know why I thought that, but I did”.

Tony looked away for a moment and exhaled, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry for exposing you like that. That wasn’t cool. You should be able to come out on your own terms and I took that from you. I exposed you to your friends when you clearly weren’t ready to come clean. I’m really sorry about that. It was a dick move”.

“Yeah, it was”, Steve replied, with a huffed laugh, “But I get it. You spent two years hiding for me, Tony. Two years pretending and trusting that I would get the courage to come out one day, and then you find out I went out with some girl. I get how much that hurt you, because if it was me in your place, and I heard you went out with someone else, I’d be devastated. But I need you to know this. Nothing happened. I swear. We ate, we talked, she went home. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t even hug. I just did it so Natasha would leave me alone, you know”.

“Yeah, I get it. I guess we both screwed up”.

Steve nodded, looking down at the flowers in his hand.

“I’m seeing a therapist. She’s helping me with this idea I had in my head, you know. That it’s okay for other people to be who they are, but not for me. I’m getting better”.

“That’s good, Steve”, Tony replied, “I’m happy for you”, he said and he meant it.

“I just… I know it’s a lot to ask, but… Can we try again? I’ll be better this time, I promise. I just… I love you. And I miss you so much. Please”, he whispered, looking at Tony with a pained look.

And Tony thought about it. He remembered every happy moment he had with Steve, and how much he loved him. They had hurt each other, he knew, but they could get past it. He knew they could. So he smiled and took the flowers from Steve’s hand, holding them to his chest.

“How about this time we start with a date?”

And, in that moment, Steve’s smile could light up the entire city.

[artificialqueens]

Better Than Revenge, Chapter 3 (Multi) - Joley

Chapter Summary: Rosé learns Gigi, Symone, and Denali’s revenge origin stories

ao3 link

Woodstock, IL — 2016

Gigi took a deep breath as she stared at herself in the mirror. She could do this, it was fine. Every time her suspicions or confusion would bubble up, she forced them back down. Hannah was nice, she was different from the other popular girls. She didn’t see the ‘weird art lesbian’ with the braces and thick-rimmed glasses, who rarely got pop culture references post-1989, at least, that’s how she made her feel.

“I’ll text you in the morning,” she assured her mother as she threw her bag over her shoulder. “It’ll be fine, I’m just hanging out with a friend.” She was out to her mom, of course, that was her biggest ally. But she wasn’t ready to tell her that the head cheerleader had taken an interest in her. Maybe when and if they became official. Until then, she shook off the last of her nerves and drove to her house, only pulled from her thoughts by the time she was sitting on Hannah’s bed.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Hannah cooed, batting her lashes and resting her hand on Gigi’s thigh.

If Gigi hadn’t been so blinded by her crush, she might’ve thought Hannah was laying it on a little thick, but she couldn’t act like she didn’t enjoy the attention. “Me too, a-about you, I mean. Sorry, I’m just nervous…”

“How come? I didn’t come on too strong over text, did I?”

“No, no I liked it, it’s just… I’m a virgin, like, I’ve only ever kissed before,” she confessed, her cheeks flushing rosy pink. She had talked a big game over text, but being faced with the chance of starting a physical relationship brought her back to reality.

Hannah pouted, rubbing Gigi’s thigh as she thought, letting her hand inch higher. “Well, you’ve got fantasies, don’t you? I know you’ve masturbated before. What do you think about while you touch yourself?”

Gigi hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip. The other girl wasn’t wrong, she did know what she liked, could conjure up vivid imagery to get herself aroused, but she had never said any of it out loud. “I like powerful, confident women. I guess that’s something that drew me to you,” she started, “I wanna just… give up control, be dominated.”

“Really? Tell me more,” Hannah prompted, kissing along her neck and jaw and slowly tugging Gigi’s shirt off in an attempt to coax her to continue.

When Hannah didn’t seem deterred by her confession, Gigi started to relax. “It’s just, I don’t know, I always feel the need to be in control of my life and with sex, I just wanna let go and give up that power.”

“So like, what would you want someone to do to you?” she asked, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.

She bit down on her lip. “Um… tie me up, spank me, choke me, and I know it’s kind of intense but maybe something like cnc or—” the incessant buzzing of her phone distracted her and, concerned it might be an urgent call or text from home, she took her phone out. “Sorry, one sec.”

It wasn’t from home, she had two missed calls from her best friend, Crystal, followed by several texts.

Crystal: GIGI STOP Crystal: SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Crystal: She’s broadcasting you on IG live! Crystal: We can see and hear everything…

Gigi’s face fell, her first instinct to pull her shirt back on. Then she slowly looked up and in front of her, that’s when she saw it, nestled between stuffed animals — Hannah’s phone with an instagram live going. She didn’t say anything, just ran out of the house as fast as her legs would take her and through her tears drove right to Crystal’s house. That was when the two of them formed their plot.

In and of itself, it was simple. Gigi waited one day until Hannah was away for a cheer competition and went to her house. “I’m so sorry to bother you, Mrs. Andrews, but I think I left some of my homework in Hannah’s room, she just said to let you know so I can run in and grab it.” Once inside, she found exactly what she was looking for, sliding Hannah’s diary into her backpack and went right back out.

“This feels very Mean Girls, I love it,” Crystal remarked as they taped page after page of the diary on lockers, walls, anywhere they could.

“Well, plan B was to go the Heathers route, so let’s just hope it works.”

And to say it worked was an understatement. As it turned out, Hannah had written things far more incriminating, and because it came from someone of her social ranking, it made everyone immediately lose interest in Gigi’s livestream scandal, and she graduated with the anonymity she needed for survival.

Present Day

“I’ll be honest with you,” Rosé remarked, “it’s kinda hard to picture you as an ugly duckling, especially the way you described it.” Gigi was too pretty, too perfect. Something didn’t add up.

Gigi got out her phone and scrolled through her photos until she found one from her senior year. “Believe it, doll,” she said as she held her phone up. She watched with an amused expression as Rosé looked from her phone, to her, and back with her eyes wide and mouth agape. “Braces off, lasik, learned a lot about how to dress while going to FIDM, which is where I met Symone, who helped fill in the blanks.”

“And made sure she got to do all them things she listed to that bitch without feeling ashamed about it,” Symone added with a smirk, draping her arm around Gigi and pulling her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Why don’t you tell her your story next, baby?” Gigi prompted.

Conway, AR — 2014

Symone watched her sister throw her bag over her shoulder and start to sneak out the window. “Look, I ain’t snitching or nothing, but I still don’t think this is a good idea.”

She and her sister, Lala, were close, sometimes referring to themselves as twins – they were only ten months apart, in the same grade at school. And until the summer after sophomore year, they had the same group of friends. But the crowd Lala ran with now just rubbed her the wrong way.

“You worry too much,” Lala brushed it off. “I’ll be fine, in bed by morning like nothing happened.”

But when Symone got a collect call two hours later, she found out things were far from fine. She drove down to the county jail as fast as she could without getting pulled over herself. Luckily bail was a mere fifty dollars, but once she got her sister back in the car, she looked at her incredulously. “What the fuck happened?”

“One of ‘em brought weed, another brought booze, but when the cops rolled up on us, they said it all was mine. And who was they gonna believe, me or three white kids?” Lala sniffled, wiping her eyes. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me,” she whispered.

“I don’t either,” Symone admitted quietly, frustrated at her inability to come up with an immediate solution. “But we’re gonna do our best to get you out of this, okay?”

The best they could do wasn’t easy. It involved a lot of legal maneuvering, meetings with one person in a suit after another. The end result wasn’t ideal, but it was far better than what could have been. Lala was fined three hundred dollars and put on thirty days of probation. In and of itself, it didn’t seem so bad, but the residual consequences took their toll.

“I lost my scholarship, ‘mone. That was my ticket into college,” Lala sighed. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m getting off with a slap on the wrist, but I really ain’t thrilled about taking out student loans,” she sat down on the floor beside the bed, head leaning against it. “Or maybe I’ll start with community college, I dunno. It just fucking sucks that they all got off with warnings.”

Symone’s brows knitted together, her lips pressed into a fine line. “Don’t you worry baby,” she said after a moment, “they gon’ face consequences one way or another.”

It had taken most of spring break, but Symone finally had all of the pieces for her plan. “Not the most convoluted thing in the world, but it’ll get the job done,” she mused.

Lala looked at her sister, then at her desk and back. “Do I even wanna know where the hell you got coke from?”

“No, you do not.”

Getting the drugs was the hard part. Getting into school early to plant the drugs in the lockers of Lala’s former friends was far easier, as was leaving an ‘anonymous tip’ from a ‘concerned student’ on the principal’s desk.

“God, I wish I could’ve seen them get hauled off in cop cars,” Lala remarked as she and Symone drove home from school. The three students were quietly escorted out of class and arrested, the school wanting to bring as little attention as possible. “Shame that they rich daddies will still get them off lightly.”

Symone sighed and nodded. “Sure, but they’re still gonna get something, which is more than what they got when they threw you under the bus. Bet they’re gonna think twice before they let someone else take the fall for them.”

Her sister smiled softly and shook her head. “You really ain’t gotta do all that for me, you know?”

“I know,” she hummed, “not gonna stop me, though.”

Present Day

“Wow, that’s both selfless and hardcore,” Rosé remarked with an impressed nod. “Did she ever find out where you got the coke from?”

Symone laughed and shook her head. “Nah, that secret I’m taking to the grave.”

Rosé jokingly put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, fair enough,” she chuckled. After a moment, she turned her attention to Denali. “That just leaves you, princess,” she remarked, a slight smirk tugging at her lips. “What’s your claim to infamy?”

Denali tossed her hair off her shoulder and grinned softly. “Who, me?” she cooed, fluttering her lashes. “Well, it is kind of an interesting story…”

Nicky rolled her eyes and tossed one of the couch pillows at her head. “Stop flirting and get on with it already.”

Fairbanks, AK — 2011

Denali groaned when the sound of loud footsteps racing up the stairs pulled her from her quasi-asleep state, then pulled a pillow over her head when the door swung open.

“What the hell are you still doing in bed when the qualifiers are in two hours?” her friend, Kahmora, asked with incredulous horror. She yanked the covers off of her, but stepped back in concern when she finally caught sight of Denali’s face. “Oh god, you look like shit.”

She frowned and rolled over to face away from her. “I feel like I died and was in the process of being reanimated, then killed again,” she lamented. “It’s probably food poisoning… or maybe swine flu came back, I dunno.”

“Did you eat anything unusual?”

Denali furrowed her brows as she wracked her brain. “I mean, Tara gave me those brownies and I had one, but when she said they were ‘special’, I just thought she meant they had weed in them, but that sure as hell isn’t it.” With as much energy as she could muster, she sat upright. “Oh my god, do you think she poisoned me?”

Kahmora arched her brow. “I think that’s a bit much, even for her. Do I think she put something like a laxative in there so it’d take you out long enough that you couldn’t beat her out in the international qualifiers? Yeah, probably. She’s a cunt.”

The skater scowled, her jaw clenched. “She’s a dead cunt,” she corrected, then suddenly shot out of bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered as she raced to the bathroom yet again.

There wasn’t an obvious revenge plan for Denali. She knew that nothing she did would get her spot in the competition, and she wondered if it was even worth it. But her pettiness and spite won out and she began planning out her course of action.

“Remember,” she was saying, “if all else fails, we go the Tonya Harding route.”

Kahmora sighed. “For the last time, you are not whacking Tara’s kneecaps, now let’s go.” Despite some pouting from Denali, they went to get the gears turning in their plan. They got to the ice rink and slipped into the locker room without being noticed by Tara, who was in the middle of practice.

Denali picked the lock and took out Tara’s change of clothes. Then she reached into her own bag and pulled on latex gloves and a plastic bag containing several leaves of poison ivy. She turned the shirt, pants, and socks inside out and firmly rubbed the leaves against the fabric, making sure she left as little fabric uncovered as possible. “She’s lucky I’m merciful or I’d rub it on her panties too,” she remarked offhandedly.

Kahmora tilted her head as she watched her. “Do you actually think it’ll take her out of the competition?” she asked as her friend put the leaves and gloves into the ziploc bag.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I mean, it’s possible, probable really, that the constant itching might make it too difficult for her to skate. But this is more about getting even with her. I might not ever get another chance to compete for internationals. She’s lucky the only retribution she’s getting is a few weeks of itchy blisters.”

“Otherwise you’d Tonya Harding her?”

Denali nodded brightly. “Exactly! Now come on, we have to get rid of the evidence.” And with that, they scurried out of the locker room as inconspicuously as they’d entered it and threw out the evidence in a trash can several blocks over.

When the news broke that Tara had withdrawn from the competition due to ‘unexpected physical problems’, Denali did her best to feign shock and didn’t celebrate until she and Kahmora were alone.

“So, what do you wanna do now?” Kahmora asked.

Denali tilted her head in thought, then smirked. “Let’s go get brownies.”

Present Day

“Personally, I still think you should’ve busted her knees,” Mik mused offhandedly. “Like, I bet you would’ve figured out a way to get away with it, you conniving bitch,” he teased.

Denali shrugged. “Maybe, but it’s not very original and it’d look a lot more suspicious on my end.”

“I think it was pretty badass,” Rosé offered, making the other woman smile which, in turn, made her heart flutter — something she chose to actively ignore. Instead, she let all of their stories sink in. None of their reasons for revenge were out of line, none of their victims undeserving. And none of the consequences were as severe as some of the things she had seen in her time. “You all really know what you’re doing, huh?”

“We wouldn’t have been able to keep this up for three years if we didn’t,” Jan replied. “We had all of the potential on our own, but we make a difference together, and then we added Jackie to tie up the loose ends. It’s been smooth sailing from there.”

“Yeah, and now Jackie ties you up instead,” Nicky teased, earning an eye roll in response.

Rosé watched the group interact with a fond smile. She had assumed they all got along to be working together for as long as they have been, but she hadn’t anticipated them truly behaving like a family. It was a stark contrast to the constant coldness and curtness she had grown accustomed to, both in her previous career and in the environment she grew up in. She only hoped it would make the tasks ahead that much easier for them.

[snappedsky]

Fanatics 66.1

Zim, Dib, Pepito, and Squee's class go on a camping trip for the weekend. Previous! Next!

Camping Trip of Doom Part One

           Squee sighs heavily as he flaps the opening of his sweater. “Man, I’m hot.”            “Maybe if you weren’t in jeans and a sweater,” Dib points out, who’s wearing just shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals.

           “The day I go outside in anything less than full body clothing is the day I die,” Squee grunts.

           “So is that what you’re gonna wear all weekend?”

           “No, Devi and Tenna packed me a punch of shorts,” Squee groans, “that’s why I’m convinced I’m gonna die on this trip.”            “Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” Dib smiles, “look, even Zim is wearing camping clothes…er, kind of.”

           Zim is wearing shorts and a tank top. But underneath he’s in a skin tight black suit, along with his usual boots and gloves.            

           The tenth grades are waiting outside the Skool for their bus. From Friday to Monday morning, they’ll be at a nearby lake, called Lake Grim, for a camping trip. They’ll all be doing camping activities, sleeping in cabins, and chilling around the lake.

           “The bus is gonna be here soon,” Dib says as he looks around. “Where’s Pepito?”            “He texted me that he’ll be running a little late,” Squee replies, “slept in.”            “Figures,” Zim grunts.

           As if on cue, they spot Pepito squeezing through the crowd of their classmates. He’s dressed in summer clothes too along with a baseball cap with holes cut just above the lid for his horns to poke through.

           “Hey, guys,” he chimes. He eyes Zim judgementally. “Zim, what the hell are you wearing?”            “I refuse to show off as much skin as the rest of you,” he scoffs.

           “Then why wear shorts and a tank at all?” Pepito asks.

           “It’s the usual human convention.”            He smiles wearily. “Well, at least you got the spirit.”

           The bus arrives not long after. Everyone files on and takes their seats. Zim, Dib, Pepito, and Squee make their way to the back of the bus when Pepito gets tugged back.

           “Pepito, sit with us,” Jessica chimes as she and the other popular girls tug him to their seats.

           “Uh, well, I was-.” He tries to argue.

           “Come on, you don’t really wanna sit with those losers,” Sara scoffs. They force him onto their seat and start coddling him.

           Squee glares at them with annoyance as he sits down at the back of the bus, next to Dib and Zim.

           “Wow, that’s annoying,” Dib comments, “he should just tell them off.”            “He won’t. He’s too nice for that,” Squee says then mutters, “even if they do deserve it. Bunch of harpies…”            Dib looks at him with surprise then starts snickering.

           “What?” Squee questions.

           “Sorry, it’s just there’s not much that really ruffles you,” Dib says, “not like this anyway. Are you jealous?”

           Squee flinches with surprise.

           “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” he adds, “you have every right to be. He is your boyfriend after all, even if nobody else knows that.”            “It’s fine,” Squee grunts, “Pepito’s nice, good-looking, fun. Of course he’d be popular. But he would never cheat on me. I have nothing to be jealous about.”            “Except for those girls stealing all of his attention,” Zim points out.

           He shrugs. “I get his attention all the time. I can go one weekend without it.”            “I suppose you’re right,” he nods, “Pepito is super clingy. This will probably be a good break for you.”            Squee doesn’t say anything in reply. He just stares out the window silently as the bus takes off.

           The drive is long but uneventful. Most of the kids keep to their own groups, listen to music, play games, or read books.

           Squee tries to write a story in one of his notebooks, but every so often he’ll glance over the seats and spot Pepito acting chummy with the girls. He tries to ignore them but despite his best efforts, it still has him fuming.

           Zim and Dib can see it bothering him, and while it’s amusing on a lot of levels, it’s also slightly concerning.

           “Hey, Squee,” Dib says, catching his attention. “Did you know that the lake we’re going to is home to a monster?”        

           “Really? What kind?” Squee asks.

           “It’s a water monster that dwells deep within the lake,” he explains as he opens something on his cellphone and shows it to Squee. It’s a screenshot of a grainy photo that shows some kind of silhouette floating on water in the distance.

           Squee stares at it then glances at Dib incredulously. “This looks like those fake photos of the Loch Ness Monster.”

           “No way, this is totally real,” he insists, “I mean Nessy is real too of course. But ours is called the Lake Grim Monster.”

           “Ugh, that is such a rehash. Is there any proof? I mean good proof.”

           “Not yet. But that’s why I’m so excited to go. We’ll find some good proof.”

           “Can’t we just leave it alone?” Squee asks wearily, “if this monster is real, it probably just wants to keep to itself.”

           “But what if it’s dangerous?” Dib questions.

           “Has there been any proof that it’s dangerous?”

           “Actually, about twenty years ago, lots of people would disappear in the northern part of the lake. Everyone assumed they were drowning or something so that part of the lake has been deemed off limits and nobody’s gone out there since.”

           “Great, so it’s blocked off. We’ll never get over there on a Skool trip.”            “Oh, that part will be easy,” Dib scoffs, “the hard part will be finding the monster’s lair. I couldn’t sneak on any scuba gear so I hope you’re a good swimmer.”

           Squee winces and looks away awkwardly.

           “Well, count me out,” Zim grunts, “no way am I setting foot near that much water.”

           “Then why come on the trip in the first place?” Dib asks.  

           “Usual human convention.”

           The rest of trip Dib chats with Squee about the monster, the activities they’ll have to do, and generally just tries to keep him distracted. It works, and Squee doesn’t spend the majority of the trip fuming in jealousy.

           They finally arrive to the lake by the afternoon. Everyone files off the bus and lines up in front of the teachers: Mr. Garland, Mrs. Tell, and Miss Sweeties.

           “Okay, who’s ready for a fun weekend in the woods?” Miss Sweeties chimes.

           Most of the students groan apathetically. Squee sighs and leans closer to Dib.

         “Why does Miss Sweeties have to chaperone us? Honestly I would’ve preferred Ms. Bitters,” he whispers.

           “I don’t think Ms. Bitters can be out in the sun too long,” Dib whispers back.            

           “Everyone follow us and we’ll show you around,” Miss Sweeties orders.

           The kids follow the teachers into the campground and Miss Sweeties explains where everything is. The biggest building is the mess hall, where all the meals will be held. Across from that is the rec center, where a lot of the students will be doing activities, along with the washrooms. Beside that is the lake which is surrounded by forests except for the sandy beach connected to the campground. And further in are seven cabins and a chalet.

           “So first you’ll drop off your stuff in your assigned cabins,” Miss Sweeties explains, “and then we’ll meet at the mess hall for lunch. And break!”

           The students split off into their groups and head to the cabins with their luggage. Zim, Dib, and Squee look around for Pepito and spot him still being coddled by the girls. He’s smiling awkwardly and trying to back away but he’s not trying too hard.

           “Let’s just go,” Zim grunts, “he’ll catch up.”  

           Zim and Dib walk off. Squee lingers a second longer, glowering irritably, before following.

           They find their assigned cabin and let themselves in. It’s rather small with three bunkbeds, one against each side wall and one against the far wall. The only windows are two small ones on either side of the door.

           “I call a top bunk,” Dib exclaims as he races inside.

           “You can take it,” Squee grunts, “I will never sleep on a top bunk.”

           “Zim deserves nothing less than top,” Zim states.

           They drop off their stuff and set up their beds, claiming their territory.

           Squee takes off his sweater and changes from jeans to board shorts. His discomfort is clear on his face.

           “Nice knees, Squee,” Dib comments.

           “I hate showing this much skin,” he grumbles.

           “You should wear a body suit like me,” Zim suggests.

           “Mmmm nah.”

           As they’re finishing up, the door flies open and Pepito falls through. He slams the door closed and leans up against it, panting.

           “Look who decided to show up,” Zim grunts.

           “Sorry,” Pepito sighs, “those girls are driving me nuts.”            “Just tell them off,” Dib says.

           He groans uncertainly but doesn’t give a proper reply as he drops his bag on the top bunk over Squee. He hangs his head, sighing, and glances at Squee. His face lights up immediately.

           “Wow, Squee, you’re in shorts!” he exclaims.

           “Yeah,” Squee groans. “Devi and Tenna wouldn’t let me pack pants.”

           “They look good,” he comments.

           Squee smiles bashfully.

           They leave the cabin and head to the mess hall together. The students are lined up outside the doors. After a couple minutes, the doors open and everyone files inside.

           “Go ahead and pick what you want for lunch,” Miss Sweeties demands. Across the room is a buffet table with a big pot of hot soup, premade sandwiches, and assorted crackers and cheeses along with milk and different juices.

           Everybody grabs a tray and starts filing along the table, gathering what food they want.

           “At least this stuff looks better than the cafeteria food,” Dib comments.

           “Still human food though,” Zim grumbles, “fortunately I brought some actually good food to eat later.”

           “You mean Irken food,” Pepito says.

           “Same thing.”            They start to head to a table when Jessica and Sara pop in from out of nowhere and scoop Pepito’s arms.

           “Come sit with us,” Jessica chirps.

           “Yeah, come on, Pepito,” Sara chimes.

           He stammers uncertainly but doesn’t try to argue as they pull him away. Zim, Dib, and Squee watch him leave and Squee glowers irritably.

           They sit a table, away from anyone else and start eating. Well, Dib and Squee eat while Zim sort of just picks at his food.

           “Hey.”

           They look up at Kat- Tak’s human disguise- standing beside them. They blink with surprise.

           “Tak-I mean, Kat,” Dib says as she sits down with them. “How long have you been here?”            “The whole time,” she replies like it’s obvious.

           “We didn’t notice,” Squee says.

           “That’s by design because my disguise is actually good,” she states.

           Zim scoffs. “I prefer to stand out.”      

           “I’ve noticed,” she grunts, “so where’s Pepito?”

           Dib hooks a thumb across the room to where Pepito is being swarmed by the popular girls.

           “Hm,” Kat muses and looks at Squee. “That doesn’t bother you?”

           He just shrugs dismissively. “He can sit where he wants.”            “Yeah, but-,” she starts to argue but Zim kicks her underneath the table. She flinches and glares at him. He glares back and subtly shakes his head. Kat blinks curiously.

           After lunch, the students gather in the middle of the campground while Miss Sweeties and the other teachers address them.

           “We’re gonna be going for a walk around the lake,” she explains, “it’s a long walk so be sure to take some water with you. And go to the bathroom if you have to because we won’t be back until evening.”

           Once everybody’s ready, they take off down a trail leading into the trees. All the kids walk in their own groups- Zim, Dib, Squee, and Kat walk together. Pepito is still be crowded by the popular girls. They’re not even giving him an inch.

           The walk is peaceful and beautiful. The bright sun streams through the branches overhead while a breeze rustles the leaves. Birds are chirping in the distance while the lake lapping against the shores can be heard nearby.

           They reach a spot where the trees thin out and the lake can be seen clearly. It’s only a couple feet from their trail.

           “Be careful here,” Miss Sweeties orders, “the water level really rose last spring so stay in the middle of the trail.”

           Dib grabs Squee’s shoulder, stopping him.

           “This is the northern part of the lake,” he says excitedly, “where the Lake Grim Monster lives.”

           “The what?” Kat asks.

           “It’s a monster that lives in the lake, Kat,” Dib groans, “keep up.”

           Squee looks off in the distance. “It’s blocked off by buoys. That’s effective,” he comments sarcastically.            “I wonder if I can see it’s lair from here,” Dib says excitedly as he inches closer to the water.

           “The water’s way too dark to see anything,” Squee points out, “come on, Dib, let’s just-.”

           Before he can finish, Dib’s foot slips in the mud and he slides right into the water.

           “Dib!” Zim, Squee, and Kat cry out.

           Dib gasps as he pops out of the water and crawls back onto the ground. “I’m okay.”

           “What happened?” Miss Sweeties asks worriedly as she hurries over.

           “Dib fell in the water,” Squee replies as he, Zim, and Kat help him up.

           “Oh, Dib,” she sighs, “I said to be careful. Go back to the camp and dry off.”            “We’ll go with him,” Zim states and the four of them head back down the trail.

           They laugh amongst each other as they walk away. Behind them, the other students are laughing for different reasons.

           “What a loser,” Jessica comments while the other girls giggle meanly.

           “Totally,” Sara nods, “right, Pepito?”

           Their laughter falls on deaf ears as Pepito watches his friends walk away, a forlorn expression on his face.

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

Nino Appreciation Week - Day 3: Favorite Ship - “Ready for Shipping”

(Also on AO3 / fanfiction.net )

Day:  1 (part 1 of this story) | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

‘Finally!’ Alya sighed leaning on the door she just closed behind her sisters and her mother. ‘I declare this apartment kid-free zone again!’

Nino frowned at his phone. ‘Is Marinette ready yet?’

‘Only make-up left at this point, why?’

‘Adrien just texted. He’s running late and he wanted to know if it’s all right, since I mentioned the hair crisis.’

‘You told him I have a hair crisis?’ Marinette groaned walking out of her bedroom. ‘Omigod, I’m gonna die!’

‘Have you seen his hair?’ Nino raised a brown. ‘There’s no excuse he would understand better.’

Alya stifled a laugh, while Marinette glared at her.

‘But why is he running late?’ she asked to avoid her friend’s next remark. ‘I thought his father was helping him.’

‘That’s the problem,’ Nino shrugged. ‘When Adrien let it slip that he was taking Marinette out, his outfit suddenly wasn’t fashionable enough for a young budding designer with such a good taste. And they went back to square one. Plus apparently Gabriel tried to persuade Adrien into changing your itinerary.’

‘WHAT?’ Marinette fumed. ‘No way. It was a miracle in itself that I got those tickets on such a short notice. Adrien has been talking about Jagged’s new album for months. Like hell I’m changing plans now! Tell him he’s got five minutes to get his feline ass over here or I’m asking Felix out.’ With that she stormed into the bathroom.

‘Told you she definitely has a type,’ Alya chuckled at Nino’s mortified expression. ‘And that Felix has been hanging around us a lot lately, you know,’ she added as a way of encouragement, but Nino’s fingers were already dancing over the keys, wingman alert proclaimed.

Marinette barely got hold of mascara when there was a flash of blue light and suddenly the room was full of Paon’s feathers.

‘I’m here! I’m here!’ Adrien yelled freeing himself from the blue hero’s grip.

‘There really was no reason for such haste,’ Paon said reproachfully. He murmured “Duusu, feathers down” under his breath and after a cobalt flare Gabriel Agreste stood in the middle of the carpet, a mix of abashment and pride on his face.

Pride was probably due to Adrien’s impeccable outfit, classic blue denim slacks with purple patches tastefully placed here and there and graphite leather jacket over a black and purple tee. Add the military boots and there was a young, reasonably rebellious gentleman ready to head to Jagged Stone concert with his charming date.

Abashment marring Mr. Agreste’s face was something Nino witnessed for the first time in his relatively short life. He wondered what happened in the span of that one minute since he’d passed on Marinette’s ultimatum.

A blue dash shot from Gabriel’s pocket.

‘Hey! Nino! Nino!’ Duusu squealed. ‘Long time no see! Got any gummy bears?’

Nino absentmindedly patted his pockets. ‘Yeah, here. Help yourself,’ he said opening a fresh bag of kwami favorite jellies.

‘Please forgive me for showing up unannounced,’ Gabriel said bowing slightly at his son’s friend and flatmate. ‘But my son started – as you young people say – freaking out over someone called Felix,’ he shot Nino a disbelieving look, ‘so I decided to ease his nerves and provide the fastest transport within my reach.’

‘Paon taxi. They turn up out of the blue like that, you know,’ Adrien winked and turned to look for Marinette. ‘Where’s my lovely Lady?’

‘Getting all pretty for you, Kitkat,’ Alya nodded in the direction of the bathroom just as Marinette appeared at the door.

‘Oh, Mademoiselle Marinette,’ Gabriel bowed again. ‘New haircut?’

The brunette smiled warmly at her mentor and winked at her crush. ‘It was a spur of a moment thing, but I think this turned out rather nicely.’ She ran her fingers through her now much shorter hair.

Adrien whistled in appreciation. ‘I absolutely love it!’ he beamed and Marinette’s cheeks momentarily coated with a deep shade of pink.

‘Indeed, it suits you,’ Gabriel agreed. ‘Now that everything seems to be in order, please excuse me, I have a fashion empire to attend to. Duusu, feathers up, please.’

Another flash of light and Paon was ready to go. He shot a meaningful look at Nino, but the boy was purposefully avoiding his gaze. It would take a long time to get used to any of those recently discovered identities and Paon taxi was the last of his problems.

Adrien nudged him in the ribs.

‘What?’

‘Maybe the Guardian would like a lift?’ Paon inquired stiffly. ‘It’s the least I can do to make up for the earlier inconvenience.’

Nino paled in an instant, Paon taxi becoming the first of his problems really quickly.

‘Nah, I’m good,’ he said weakly. ‘I need to talk to Alya anyway,’ he looked at his friend hoping she would notice the silent plea in his eyes.

‘Yeah, we definitely have some things to talk about,’ she supplied loyally.

‘Perhaps another time then,’ Paon bowed again and disappeared in a puff of air.

A single blue feather drifted to the ground while the four people remaining broke out in a fit of laughter.

***

‘Silence, at last!’ Alya called sinking into the cushions. Nino passed her the bowl with popcorn.

‘How do you think this will go?’ he asked.

‘After five years?’ Alya considered his question. ‘They will be engaged by the end of the next month!’

’20 euro says they’ll be engaged by the third date,’ Nino chuckled. ‘Have you ever seen Gabriel giving anyone a lift? Adrien sure is determined.’

‘Why wouldn’t he be? He was waiting for Ladynoir to set sail for five long years,’ the redhead pointed out turning the TV on.

‘Yeah,’ was all Nino replied casting a thoughtful glance in her direction.

‘Also, you’re on,’ Alya winked. ‘A ring by their third date or I’ll have my 20 euros.’

They sat in silence watching some random title Alya just clicked. Unbeknownst to her Nino was gathering the courage to finally tell her what’s been on his mind for so long. But it seemed that even heroes sometimes chicken out. Especially in the company of a very attractive fox. He decided to edge the topic in hope for an opening. He liked to think of himself as straightforward, but apparently not when it came to his love interest.

‘I can’t believe Ladynoir has sailed,’ he finally said.

Alya giggled. ‘Well we can’t call it that, at least not in public. We need another name.’

‘I suppose there’s always Adrienette.’

‘Yeah, that ship gathered dust for so long,’ she sighed.

‘But you never lost hope, right?’ Nino scooted closer and wiggled his brows.

‘How could I, this is my OTP,’ she smiled and put her head on his shoulder. Suddenly the room got too hot and stuffy. This was his opening.

‘Seriously?’ he asked pulling away and locking eyes with her. ‘That’s your OTP?’

Alya frowned, surprised with his inquiring look. ‘Why?’

Nino gulped, but summoned all his courage to actually get the line out. ‘I thought that maybe it would be Alyino?’ he aimed for casual but it came out strained.

Alya eyed him suspiciously, her face carefully blank. ‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’

He wasn’t so sure anymore. ‘What?’

‘Because you can’t be serious?’ she chuckled lightly.

‘Oh…’ Nino deflated in an instant. ‘Um… sorry.’

‘Alyino?’ Alya shook her head. ‘Bleah. That’s really silly, you know.’

‘Yeah, I figured by now’ he replied gravely. He thought that she might say no, but to tease him about it was so unlike her.

‘Turtlefox sounds much better, don’t you think?’ she said and Nino’s heart exploded with a hundred beats per second.

‘That is, if you would like that,’ she added noting how red and silent he suddenly got. Carefully she moved closer and let her arms circle his waist. He noticed a trace of fear in her eyes. She never looked more vulnerable and this was exactly how he felt, before the wave of affection consumed him. His eyes went to her lips. Alya nodded barely noticeably and that was all he needed.

‘I’d like that very much,’ Nino murmured closing the space between them in an electrifying kiss.

[lucaumbriel]

The Last Jedi spoilers (and a huge wall of text) under the cut

The opening was way too similar to Empire Strikes Back, the Rebellion, sorry, the “Resistance” has just destroyed the First Order’s big bad weapon, but despite this the bad guys are stronger than ever (no, seriously, they apparently have defacto rule of the Galaxy or something now, because apparently the destruction of one system means the entire Republic is gone somehow) and the good guys are on the run.

Rey is seeking training from Luke, which is also a plot point lifted directly from ESB, but is done in a completely different way so it’s not something I hold against the movie. The training itself, however, is lack luster and feels more like something you’d see stretched out across an entire episodic season crammed into as little screen time as possible between everything else that’s going on. And I really didn’t like how they started going the route of “well, the Jedi need to die, but that doesn’t mean there are not going to be any more force users”, like they were going to have Luke get Rey to gut the tradition and legacy and keep everything else to sort of found a brand new order without any of the “you should fear the dark side because it’s the dark side and don’t ask questions about it because you shouldn’t be asking about that” and the removal of emotions and attachments and so on, and then go right back to “actually, nah, Rey’s gonna tell Luke that the Jedi are cool and that’s gonna change his mind and he’s even gonna acknowledge her as a jedi cause the jedi are cool and we wouldn’t want to stray from that or anything even though Kylo explicitly said he’s not gonna be a sith”. Like, there were so so many other arguments Luke could have used to show how the Jedi are not the undisputed good guys (just look at the people who try to say how “the jedi are the actual bad guys” cause they steal babies and enforce a specific lifestyle and doctrine and anyone who doesn’t agree with everything gets thrown out, instead of just “the Jedi were egotistical, they all died cause Palpy fooled them”, which is the single weakest argument for “the jedi weren’t actually that good” I think I’ve ever seen and that entire scene just feels pathetic and annoying).

Which brings me to the next bit and my major criticism with the movie: they try to do to much. It feels like two or three movies, or most of a Netflix mini-series crammed into two and a half hours. It doesn’t let you really digest anything that’s happening and everything from the subplots to the main plot feels rushed and there are a lot of little things (like the fight between Luke and Kylo) that feel really tacked on despite them actually being pretty important overall to the story. Like, they could have stopped the film at several points (most notably after everyone got in the base), but it’s like they kept coming back with “and one more thing” (the bad guys have a canon that can blast through it, which actually would have made an interesting cliff hanger, if this were the Netflix mini-series it feels like), and then “one more thing!”, and then “one more thing!”

The conflict between Poe and the Admiral feels unnecessary. Yes, Poe was wrong to go behind her back, and more wrong to try and mutiny because the Admiral did actually have a fully fleshed out and usable plan that would have worked perfectly if Poe hadn’t sent Finn and Rose off to infiltrate the flagship and allow the code breaker to betray them for money, but his actions were still justified because instead of explaining the plan to him or anyone else, she intentionally kept him the dark and obfuscated what she had planned for no reason what so ever, seriously, there was no reason she couldn’t say “we’re going to load people in the shuttles, yes, I know they’re shielded and unarmed and will never outrun the destroyers, that’s why I’m going to stay behind and pilot the cruiser, we’re gambling on them not looking for smaller ships, so this should provide a decent distraction, the shuttles will be going to a fortress world were they’ll have enough power to contact our allies”, but no, she never says that, instead she just tells him “trust me” and “hope” and when he finds out about the shuttles she blows him off. Yeah, Poe is a hot head and all, but she’s a shitty leader if she can’t be asses to explain a simple plan to someone who you have no indication of being a defector or spy or anything else. The entire time it feels like either she’s the traitor like Poe thinks, or she’s trying to trick a traitor by using Poe or some shit but there’s no actual payoff to the entire subplot except “Poe was wrong and should have blindly trusted his leader who’s first conversation with him involved her verbally bitch slapping him and acting like he’s been nothing but a detriment to the entire Resistance.”

Over all, the film feels like an action movie, with a lot of space battles, amazingly choreographed fight scenes, lots of big loud energetic moments like them crashing through the casino, it doesn’t feel like a Star Wars movie so much as an abridged season of Clone Wars or Rebels.

Oh, and how can I forget Rey. She continues to be a Mary Sue, never suffering any real complications or failings, even in this film, her absolute biggest fuck up, getting herself captured thinking she can turn Kylo to the light side and together defeat Snoke, results only in Kylo killing his only superior and acquiring supreme control over the First Order, and then she escapes with no real consequences otherwise. And if you say “well putting the immature, hot headed, egotistical, man-child in charge of the First Order instead of the highly powerful, nearly all seeing, calm, collected, and very powerful mastermind who put the First Order together in the first place” a bad outcome from this and something that has in any way actually strengthened the Order, especially since we already see the conflict between Kylo and Hux growing worse and worse with every scene they’re in, then I don’t really know what to tell you except maybe watch the movie again and actually pay attention.

The fight scene between Kylo and Luke was awesome, though, again, very action movie and, like I said above, adds to the list of “they tried to do too much in one movie”. I like that if you pay attention, you can see that it was pretty obvious he was never actually there. Not only “how did he get into a base there’s supposedly only one way out of” but “how did he even get there in the first place?” the only ship we see is the sunken X-Wing that’s probably been there for way too long for it to still be usable, and then not only is he not even scratched by the ATs, he doesn’t even have any dust on him period, he’s using a lightsaber that we just saw sundered, and he’s adamantly refusing to even block Kylo’s attacks. The dice thing, however, was stupid and makes no fucking sense at fucking all. I was waiting for him to say the line, but he never did, you’re supposed to become more powerful that he could ever imagine, damn it.

Luke’s ascension also feels kinda tacked on and forced, epic as it was. Makes me think they were planning to kill each of the main three at the end of their particular movie. We’ll see how that holds up...considering.

Kylo’s continued indecision was good, as was the twist with him killing Snoke and then taking command instead of turning. I also liked the fact that he used his apparent execution of Rey to cover his actual execution of Snoke, which reminded me of the “you will kill Luke Skywalker” thing with Mara Jade in the comics, though I am a little disappointed that after everything from the first film, this is all we get with Snoke unless he revives himself somehow. Which would be stupid, honestly.

The fight scene with the honor guards was awesome, though Rey continues to prove that someone who grew up fighting rats on a farm with a staff is a match for much better trained fighters. I was fine with the scene, up until she and Kylo were both being choked out and she’s the only one who figures out how to escape and then gets to save Kylo. With everything else on top, it just adds to my dislike of her writing as I’ve discussed above. How Kylo finished off the last guard was awesome, though, and everyone in the theater cheered cause it was awesome.

All of this, and any other things I might have forgotten, I still loved this movie and it was great. Great fight scenes. Great space combat. The casino scene with all the aliens was great. Luke was great. Leia was great. That scene between Luke and R2, especially once he played the message, was great. Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose maybe not great but they were ok. The scenes that reminded me of other movies, comics, TV series were all great (except maybe the elevator scene that paralleled Return’s Luke/Vader scene, that just felt kinda weird). The pieces were all great, it’s the bits between them that are more...eh, and while some of them are necessary, others, like I’ve said, feel tacked on or fall into “and one more thing” near the end.

Overall, I would rate this as one of the better Star Wars movies. It’s better than Empire (the filler of Star Wars), and definitely better than most of Clone “I hate sand”/forced romance Wars. If it had been a mini-series instead of a whole movie or some of its points had been cut from here and put in some EU materials or another movie somewhere, I think it would have come out better because they would have had more time to flesh things out and work with more of the points they raised up instead of it feeling rushed and crammed together. Empire, for its faults, still handles its two plots better than Last Jedi handled it’s three or four.