#i was eating when i saw this and di the cereal spit thing for real

[j4w6h]

altrive spotted in a swaggersouls video

[aaronbleyaert]

You’re handsome and funny. The ideal man! How come you’re single?!?!? 😩✌️

Thanks, I’m trying to not be so single, actually! I’ve got a lot of girl friends, but no girlfriends, you know? For instance, on Saturday, I went out with my friend Tiffany and we went to this awesome Mexican restaurant. And there was this really cute waitress who I thought might have been flirting with me - but stupidly, I didn’t ask for her number or anything. But I feel like she WAS kind of flirting? And Tiffany thought so, too. So right now, as I’m writing this, I’m trying to figure out what to do. Do I go back? Do I ask her out? What do I say? Is it creepy? It’s creepy, right? I shouldn’t say anything. Actually, I shouldn’t go back in the first place, right? That’s weird. Hard cringe. But she introduced herself and told me when the times she works and said I should come back for brunch! Because she works brunch! But then, that’s what waitresses do, right? They want people to come back into their restaurant so that it’ll stay open, so that they can keep working, so that they can keeping making money, so that they can keep paying their rent or pay for their car, or buy something really special that means a lot to them - maybe even save up for that trip they’ve always wanted: to visit the fabled ancient Peruvian wonder Machu Picchu because this waitress once saw pictures of it when she was a kid and it held a special meaning to her and was the one thing that took her out of her sad daily routine of her parents fighting about who was to blame for her older sister running away and it didn’t matter what was said or how long the fights between her parents would go on, there was always one absolute certain truth, a truth that only the waitress knew: her sister didn’t run away at all. 

Her sister never existed. 

Or, at least, never existed as a real human person - her “older sister” was just a ghost or a spirit or a collection of raw psychic energies that just happened to accumulate for whatever reason over the span of hundreds of years in the swamps of the deep bayou that were eventually drained and filled in and paved over and became the site of the Lakeforest subdivision that the waitress grew up in and somehow those energies became trapped in the back wall down inside the crawlspace under her basement stairs, the wall that would wail so loudly each night with its inhuman, low buzzing voice like a million fat flies feasting on the boated corpse of a rotten baby lamb that would keep the waitress up all night until one night she crept downstairs and removed the panel on the stairwell and crawled inside the space and put her forehead to the wall, listening to the low inhuman voice as it tried to form words with its mealy alien tongue: “MEEEEEEAT” it buzzed in her brain so she started small, feeding the wall in the crawlspace underneath the stairs what she could easily find and trap: bugs. But soon, that wasn’t enough. The wall demanded more. “I can’t give you any more” she would weep, her forehead pressed against the cool rough concrete of the wall in the crawlspace under the stairs, night after night, while her parents slept. “MORRRRRRRE” it would buzz, the alien voice pressing so violently on the inside her head that it threatened to split her open like a rotten cantaloupe. So she began trapping larger things; frogs, mice, anything else she could find outside in the woods behind her school. But soon that wasn’t enough, either. The wall’s hunger grew. She managed to trap a few pets; a few cats, a small dog here or there - and fed them all to the wall. 

That’s when her sister appeared.

It all happened so casually one Thursday morning; when she came down to breakfast, her parents and some older girl with straight white hair she had never seen before were all sitting around the kitchen table, eating and laughing like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Oh! Look who’s finally awake!” her mother said, laughter in her voice. In one graceful move, her mother filled a bowl with cereal and poured in just the right amount of milk. “Here you are, my little angel.” Her new older sister moved over so she could sit down. “Angela was just saying how excited she was to get you something for your birthday next week” her dad said, leaning forward, far over his morning paper and smiling with too many teeth. Her new older sister, Angela, smirked and gave her a little wink when her parents weren’t looking. Her birthday wasn’t for another six months.

She could hear a soft low buzz coming from somewhere in Angela’s chest. 

The more she fed The Wall In The Crawlspace Down Under The Stairs week after week, the happier her parents seemed to get - and the more Angela seemed to glow. There was almost a sheen about her; something shiny just underneath her skin that made you want to keep looking at her. Angela quickly became the most popular girl at school, among both the boys and the girls. The teachers would even stop the girl in the hallway to ask about her sister. Once, the girl forgot something in her locker and ran to get it during class. As she walked by Angela’s classroom, she saw Angela standing on a desk, the entire class surrounding her with their heads bowed, breathing in unison. Angela held her face up towards the ceiling, the florescent light spilling over her glowing skin, as if she was feeding. The teacher stood motionless with his forehead against the dry erase board, arms at his sides. He had pissed himself.

Angela was never mean to the girl, even at home - she was always offering to help her younger sister with her homework, or boys, or anything else. The girl always declined, but Angela persisted. Every night, Angela would come right to the girl’s bedroom door, but would never enter. She would always linger outside, in the hallway, that low buzz softly rising and falling in her chest, like a thick out of tune orchestra all playing at once. “Don’t you want help with your homework?” she would ask, her eyes wide, her mouth in a perfect “O” shape, the sound of the words appearing in the girl’s mind. “NO.” the girl would reply from the safety of her bed. “GO AWAY.” Then Angela would smile with too many teeth, her shiny translucent skin stretched over the bony frame of a young girl, her straight white hair floating out in the darkness of the hallway. “DO NOT FORRRRRGET. WE ARE HUNNNNNGRY” she would reply, her black pupils pinpricks in those wide white eyes, her mouth a dark black circle. Then she would would turn and softly pad down the stairs on all fours, down to the basement.

The girl thought about running away; the weather was turning cold and animals for The Wall were getting harder and harder to find - and The Wall’s appetite seemed to be increasing. Breakfast was also getting out of control; one morning, her mother made 40 slices of toast, all buttered perfectly. Another morning, her father spent the entire breakfast laughing so hard at the news on the radio that he began coughing up blood. The radio was nothing but static.

One day after school in the woods, the girl came across the bloody insides of some larger game animal - a big dog, maybe. Or a deer. It looked like some large beast had spit up the organs of a recent kill. The girl took one look and knew this was her chance. She took everything out of her backpack - books, binders, a practice test for science class - and stuffed in as much of the animal’s guts as she could. She left all of her school supplies in the woods. She wouldn’t need them any more.

When she got home, the house was empty. The girl hauled her backpack into the kitchen and onto the counter. The blood was beginning to soak through. She looked at the clock; Angela and her parents would be home at any minute. The girl looked around under the sink, in the back, until she found the poison. She opened her backpack and stuffed it all inside, just as her parents car pulled into the driveway. She zipped up the backpack and headed for the door to the basement. It would have to be enough.

Over the previous months, the basement had been transformed into a living mass of black rotting flesh. Her parents spent almost all of their time down there, tending to the writhing mass of pulsating coils and strips of grotesque quivering tissue that lined the walls and hung from the ceiling. There were occasional teeth that had sprouted from where the walls met the floor; the girl thought that all of the animals that she had fed The Wall In The Crawlspace Down Under The Stairs had been somehow digested and transformed into this perverse living nightmare that her parents’ basement had become; a nexus of evil, right under her feet. At the very least, it was sure to bring the property value down.

The girl hadn’t entered the basement in months - she usually just opened the basement door and threw the sacrifices down the stairs, either to be absorbed by the floor or eaten by the thing that everyone called her older sister - but the girl knew that this time would have to be different. She would have to go down to the source. She opened the basement door, a putrid warm breeze greeting her. The girl heard the car doors slam out in the driveway. Her parents and Angela would be inside any moment. The girl took a deep breath, clutched her backpack, and descended into the basement. 

Stepping carefully between the clusters of quivering fleshpods and over the slimy black masses of writhing tentacles, the girl came to the small door to the crawlspace. The low buzzing was so loud that she could barely see straight. She opened her backpack, and could feel the buzzing grow hungrily. It was all she could do to pour the poisoned gelatinous guts of whatever poor lonely animal had died up there on the dirty ground in the dark backwoods behind the school onto the concrete wall in her basement. The buzzing grew thick with feeding. The girl felt something wet start to trickle from her ears and nose. She wiped her face and it came away bloody. She slowly backed out, just as the thick buzzing started to falter and skip, like a bicycle chain trying to catch a gear.

“WHAAAAAT ARE YOU DOINNNNNNNG” The girl spun around to see Angela on all fours, her eyes wide, and mouth in the silent neverending scream of an O. “Nothing!” the girl said, her head pounding, the buzz filling everything, blood beginning to trickle from her eyes like tears. She noticed that Angela was naked except for the writhing black tentacles that were furiously sliding up her legs and over her stomach, as if preparing for something. “IT IS NOTTTTT RIIIIIIIIIGHT” the Angela thing buzzed in the girl’s mind. She hissed and took a step forward, her limbs seeming to stretch and elongate. “What’s going on down there?” the girl’s mother called from upstairs. “You girls play nice, you hear?” The Angela thing took another step forward and smiled with too many teeth. “NOW WE SEEEEE YOU ON THE INSIDEEEEEEAAAAAIAIAIIIAIIAI100101001!” The Angela thing screamed and fell to the ground. The buzzing in the girl’s head began to skip, like a radio stuck between stations. The girl ran for the stairs and scrambled up, slipping on the slick thick flesh that carpeted every surface. 

The girl burst out into the kitchen and sprawled on the floor. The buzzing stopped. Everything was quiet. The girl sat up and wiped the blood out of her eyes. She looked around. Her Dad was asleep in his easy chair, paper on his chest. Her Mom was watching TV. The TV was on.

From then on, her parents were convinced that her sister had run away, and they wouldn’t hear any other explanation. The girl tried to convince them that she never had a sister; that Angela never existed, that it was all in their minds. But then that would lead to The Wall. And that would lead to the crawlspace in the basement. And that would always lead to the thing that scared the girl the most: Her parents reply, “Honey, we don’t have a basement.”

And they were right.

The house had no basement. In their kitchen, the wall where the door to the basement had been was now just a plain wall - if there had ever been a door there to begin with. The girl walked around the house in disbelief; there was no sign that their house had ever had a basement. The girl was so adamant she was right that one Sunday, while her parents were out at the farmer’s market, she took a baseball bat to the wall. Behind it was nothing but insulation.

Since the girl poisoned The Wall, her parents argue daily about whether they should have done more to try to find her older sister. It became their obsession; all they could think about, all they could talk about. The girl stopped going to school, but no one really noticed. She would read books about all sorts of fantastic places in the world. It was after reading about one of these places, Machu Picchu, when she was looking at pictures on some travel site, that she came across a picture that stopped her cold. It was Angela. 

She was in the background of another tourist’s photo, and even though her hair had been dyed a light pink, and she was blurry, the girl could immediately tell it was the Angela thing from her basement. It smiled with too many teeth.

That night, the girl packed a bag and got on the next bus out of town. She knew what she had to do. The bus took her as far as LA, where she got a little sublet, month to month, in an apartment above a bar. It wasn't much, but it was enough. The girl started working at a Mexican restaurant, doubling up on brunch shifts to save up enough money for a plane ticket down to the jungles of South America - to finally face her fate, one last time.

Anyway, you guys think I should ask this waitress out or what? 

[melalot]

the four times one of the twins dyed their hair

Note: As you know. I died over this idea today on your live and on your blog, and I just needed to bring it to life you know? I’m just surprised I finished it this quickly tbh. Enjoy! @i-write-shakespeare-not-disney

1

Charlie was tired of going to school. He was tired of going out in public. He was just very tired in general.

He couldn’t go one day, without being looked at oddly. Like sure he gets it, he has alien ears. But that’s not even the major concern. 

People liked to comment on his silver hair.

Like a lot.

His father’s always loved his hair. And at one point he did too. He never thought it was weird or odd, especially when he saw Aunt Lura’ with her long silver hair every once in a while, it had made him feel better.

But everywhere he went he was looked at. He’d catch people staring and whispering about the color of his hair. And at school he’d get bullied for looking like an “old man” and Charlie was honestly sick of it.

At school, he was pretty angry all the time from getting made fun of and it was hard to enjoy being at school. So when Violet was the one that picked him and his brother up from school that day he knew what to do.

“Hey mi hermanitos, how was school?” Violet asked from the rearview mirror as he and Oliver got seated in the back and buckled their seatbelts on.

“Hey, Vi! School was fine, how come Papá didn’t come and pick us up?” Oliver asked as he held onto her seat from behind and his purple ears flickered. 

“Papi said he had to go somewhere with Tia Vero so he wasn’t able to make it today. He and Dad won’t be home til late.” She turned back and narrowed her eyes at Charlie who had remained quiet. “What about you, how was school, Charlie?”

Charlie didn’t answer her question. Instead, he said, “Can we dye my hair?”

Violet and Oliver’s ears flickered at the question and Oliver put his hand on his shoulder. “Dude, you can’t listen to what everyone is always saying about it.”

Violet straightened up and her purple eyes looked at him worriedly but also he saw a hint of anger. Oh no, big protective sister mode was coming through. “Are kids still making fun of you for your hair? Charlie I’ll go talk to the principal if-”

“Don’t talk to the principal Violet!” he snapped. She faltered back and he sighed and gave his sister an apologetic look. “I’m just- I’m tired of having attention drawn to me because of my hair. It’s just annoying. So can we go dye it or not?”

Violet bit her lip and shifted the gear to drive. “I mean, I guess we can go and buy some hair dye and do it at home.”

Oliver looked at Charlie, then at Veronica through the rearview mirror. “Do you think Dad or Papá will say anything about it?”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Violet mumbled as she made a right turn.

---

“Charlie I cannot believe you chose these colors,” Oliver muttered as he set the multiple jars of hair dyes down on the bathroom countertop.

“Why not? People always have colorful hair,” he said as he finished clipping an old towel around his neck. 

“But don’t you think more attention will be drawn towards you if you have a whole rainbow on top of your head?” he said, trying to see the logic in his brother’s idea.

“Don’t worry Ollie,” Violet said as she started mixing the products together. “I got the temporary ones that wash out in case Charlie doesn’t end up liking it.”

Oliver sighed and sat down on the toilet seat as Violet finished mixing and Charlie searched for a Youtube demonstration video that his sister could follow so that she doesn’t ultimately screw up his hair.

“Found it,” he said as he set it in front of the toothbrush container so that it was propped up for Violet to see. 

Violet set the mixing bowl down and started to separate Charlie’s hair into sections like the video had instructed and then she began applying the dye. Charlie thought it felt cool on his head and that he looked a bit crazy with it being all plastered with colors. It was sorta like a unicorn had thrown up all over his head. Oliver was trying to stifle laughs but Charlie punched his leg for it.

Once they waited the proper amount of time for the dye to kick in they washed it out in the bathtub. Which was very uncomfortable the way Violet made him hover his head over the tub. And damn she scrubbed his head real hard. 

But once it was done they dried his hair with a blow dryer and Oliver covered his mouth and his blue eyes widened. 

“Oh my god. Dad and Papá are going to flip.”

Violet smiled and ruffled his hair. “I don’t know. I think it looks kinda nice.” She looked down at Charlie and squeezed his shoulders. “What do you think Lil bro?”

Charlie ran his fingers through his hair from side to side trying to get used to the new colors it had taken. After a few awkward minutes of no response, he smiles and nods. “You did great sis.”

They decided to play video games until their parents came home. But after a couple of minutes into their 3rd round of Mario Kart, they heard the door unlock and in came their father’s.

“Hey, kids. Sorry, I left you home for so long. Your dad and I found each other on the driveway.” Papá had said as he set his keys down and looked for a drink in the fridge.

“Have you guys eaten anything?” Dad asked as she took his shoes off.

“We ate some McDonalds before we got home and then some junk food,” Oliver answered as he paused the game.

“Oh my god, Charlie.” Papá gasped.

Dad looked at Papá with confusion until his eyes landed on Charlie. His eyes grew wide and his mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape.

“Charlie. W-What?” his Dad spit out until he made it closer to him and tilted his chin to each side trying to get a better look. He stared at Charlie for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts together until he said, “Are you trying to tell us something or…” he looked back at papá who was trying to control his fits of laughter, which didn’t help dad’s swarming thoughts until he looked back at Charlie. “Could you just not decide on a color?”

Oliver howled out in laughter just like his Papá and Violet smiled at her parent's reactions.

2

Oliver knocked onto Violet’s bedroom door waiting for a response.

“Who is it?” she called.

Oliver rolled his eyes but opened the door anyway and saw his sister on the bed reading a book.

“Oh hey Ollie, what’s up?” she asked as he sat down on the bed and twirled his thumbs together.

“Hey Vi, do you think I could uhm..” he looked up at his sister who had an eyebrow arched up that looked exactly like Papa’s whenever he asked him a question. “Could we get my hair done like Charlie’s?” he asked quietly.

Violet frowned and set her book down. “Get your hair done like Charlie’s? Like the color?” Oliver nodded. “I mean yeah, but why?”

Oliver scratched the back of his neck nervously and shrugged. “I just don’t like seeing him down all the time because of the looks people give him in public. Or the things people say at school. So I was thinking maybe if I got my hair done like his it could make him feel maybe, less alone?”

A smile spread on Violet’s face before she ruffled his hair. “Aw, you love your brother don’t you?” she teased.

He pushed his sister back and scowled at her before managing a smile. “I mean yeah. He’s my brother but- Whatever. Are you going to help me or not?”

“Well, where are Charlie and our parents right now?” 

“At soccer practice.” She gave him a pointed look. “I didn’t go because I said I didn’t feel good.”

Violet hummed and grabbed her keys. “Well little bro, we got a store to hit.”

---

Oliver hated the hair bleaching process. His hair was black so it took a long time before his hair started growing into a light color and even then he still had another step to do.

Violet had said it was a toner or whatever that made his hair silver but he just shrugged and let her do her thing as he played on his phone until he had to wash everything out.

When his hair was all dry he was shocked at how identical he looked to Charlie.

“Wow, you really do look like him. How am I supposed to tell you two apart now?” Violet asked through a laugh.

Oliver’s blue eyes lit up and he looked at his sister through the mirror. “Oh! We can so screw around with Dad and Papi!” He shook his hair around and smirked. “This has more perks to it than I thought it would,” he mused.

When everyone came home, Dad and Papa just about had a heart attack. Charlie looked confused but also happy? 

After he explained to his father’s why he bleached his hair they calmed down and gave him a hug. They were proud of him for standing by his brother.

Charlie pulled him aside later that night and smirked at his brother as he put his cleats away.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Oliver asked as he gave him a questioning look.

“What you did was very sweet Ollie,” Charlie said as he looked at him again. But then he bit his lip and tried to suppress a smile. “But you forgot the eyebrows.”

Oh shit.

3

On a car ride with Violet and Oliver after school, Charlie made a comment.

“I should dye my hair black,” he said.

Oliver just about spit the drink he had in his mouth out and Violet stopped the car for a moment before she realized she was still on the road and kept driving.

“What do you mean you want to dye your hair black?” Oliver shrieked.

Charlie pulled on a strand of his hair and shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we can mess around with our parents?”

Oliver’s eyes sparkled. “Ohh yeah!” he jumped and tapped Violet on the shoulder. “Can we go get some hair dye, Violet? Please?” Oliver tried to do the best puppy eyes he could.

Violet laughed and shook her head.  “You don’t need to use your puppy eyes on me, Ollie. Of course, we can go get some hair dye. This will be fun.”

---

After the hair dying process was complete. Oliver and Charlie had worked on putting on some clothes that the other usually wore in order to throw their parents off.

They were sitting down eating cereal when both of them walked in from a date and both of their mouths dropped.

Papá was the first to recover and he got into their personal space and intently looked at them both. “What the hell is going on here? Is it April fools?” he looked back at dad who was still looking at his boys in surprise. “It isn’t April 1st is it?”

Dad shook his head and propped his elbows on top of the counter and ran a hand over his face.

“Who did this?” he asked out loud.

“Me!” Violet said from across the living room.

“And who’s idea was this?” Dad asked as a follow-up.

“Charlie’s!” Violet responded.

Papá looked at them both incredulously and started to laugh laugh a bit nervously. “I’m so sorry to ask this but, which one is Charlie?”

The kids erupted into laughter and couldn’t even get a word out until Dad looked at them seriously and they began to calm down.

Charlie raised his hand with a grin still on his face.

Dad pinched the bridge of his nose while Papá set a hand on his back.

“This whole time,” Dad muttered.

“We’ve only been ever to tell our identical twin sons apart because of their hair and now they look the same and we don’t know who is who?” Papá said all in one breath. Dad nodded. “Yeah, I feel like we have failed as parents,” Papá sighed and shook his head in disbelief.

+4 (bonus)

Oliver really didn’t want to go through the struggle of bleaching his entire hair silver in order to help his brother’s confidence at school. But he did come up with another solution.

To do a white streak of hair with the help of Violet.

Charlie had laughed at him when he saw it and had thought his brother had looked stupid.

But when Papá and Dad walked through the door, they had strongly tried to consider his son’s life choices.

“Oliver, what were you thinking when you did this?” Papá asked him as calmy as he could.

He looked back at Charlie who was trying to hide his laugh and then back at his parents. Dad was looking at him like he was crazy and Papá looked like he was on the verge of a meltdown.

“I thought maybe I could look like Uncle Shiro?” he tried.

They both sighed and Dad placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Oh honey. Not even your Uncle Shiro wanted to look like a skunk.”

Right then and there Oliver had felt so attacked that he begged for Violet to dye it back to black again as soon as possible.

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

Stella and the Wolf - Chapter 4

You can find it here on AO3, or the Tumblr Chapter Index here. 

This Alpha werewolf business is getting way too serious. When Stiles arrives at school the next morning, it’s to discover that the reason Dad hasn’t been home all night—his text messages did not share any of the gruesome details—was because some guy at the video store was literally ripped apart last night. Why are video stores still a thing, first of all? And secondly, why were Jackson and Lydia there trying to rent a copy of The Notebook? Wouldn’t it make more sense just to order the DVD off Amazon, since the word on the street, or on the lacrosse field, is that Lydia makes Jackson watch it at least once a week?

Stiles would like to share this observation with Scott, but Scott has apparently decided to ditch school for the day with Allison. Which is another thing that’s getting way too serious, frankly. Stiles loves Scott like a bro, seriously, but he’s going to end up dead if he keeps trying to hang out in the lion’s den and put his dick inside the lion’s daughter. And no, Stiles has no idea who the lion is in this metaphor—Chris or Victoria are equally terrifying, honestly—and yes, he’s aware of what a disturbing metaphor it is.

Point is, Scott’s adoration of Allison is just another added complication in this whole werewolf mess, but apparently he can’t be talked out of it.

Stiles has tried.

Stiles chews the end of his pen avidly in homeroom, trying to pay attention when his teacher reminds them all that it’s parent teacher night tonight, also known as Stiles’s least favourite event in the academic calendar. It’s not that he’s a bad student or anything—his grades are great—but he feels sorry for his dad, who has to sit through a procession of teachers telling him what he’s already known for years: that Stiles couldn’t focus if his life depended on it. He’s also an inveterate smartass.

Like they think his dad doesn’t know that somehow?

Please. Dad’s been dealing with Stiles for sixteen years. He knows better than anyone.

Anyway, how is Stiles supposed to care about stuff like parent teacher night when there is an Alpha werewolf on the loose?

He chews his pen so hard that he tastes ink, and then spits the bits of plastic out and wipes his mouth frantically with his sleeve to make sure there’s none on his face.

Danny gives him a weird look, but Stiles is used to those. It is literally the least of his problems.

The real problem, of course, is the Alpha werewolf.

Except when Stiles tries to focus on the Alpha, it’s another werewolf he finds himself thinking about. Derek Hale. Derek, who almost died last night—he almost dies a lot of the time, and Stiles is becoming seriously concerned about that—and was a total raging douche about it, but also—and Stiles feels this part is crucial—took the time to replace Stella’s sushi and bring then orange Gatorade.

Like, his angry, growly waters run deep or something.

Stiles thinks that his opinion of Derek is changing because of that tiny gesture last night. Or maybe it’s because he saw Derek’s abs. He doesn’t think he’s that shallow, but he’s sixteen. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when his brain is thinking or it’s off chasing butterflies and his dick has taken over the job.

Also, Stiles isn’t gay, but he is maybe bi? A straight guy probably wouldn’t imagine licking Derek Hale’s abs, right? Although they’d be missing out, Stiles is sure, because they are truly incredible abs. But no, Stiles definitely isn’t totally straight, because he also kind of wants to do things to Derek’s dick. Like lick it. And suck it. And—

“Stiles?” Danny asks, and Stiles looks up to see the classroom is empty. “Are you coming to chemistry?”

He flails to his feet. “What? Yes. I was just resting my eyes.”

“Your eyes were open,” Danny points out.

“It was a metaphor,” Stiles attempts.

“That’s not how metaphors work.”

Stiles shrugs, slings his backpack over his shoulder, and follows Danny out the door.

***

Stiles and Danny have Chemistry. Literally. And, Stiles wonders, figuratively?

Like, is that a thing that exists in the realm of possibility?

Does Stiles have game?

Clearly not when it comes to Lydia, although to be fair that’s because she is a goddess. But what about with guys? Does Stiles have game when it comes to guys?

Okay, no. Stiles has no game. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

But he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need game if he’s pretty.

Not that any of this is even about Danny, of course. Danny’s too nice. Stiles is thinking of a leather jacket, tight jeans, and a face airbrushed into perfection by genetics and God.

Does Derek think he’s pretty?

“Hey, Danny?” he asks, leaning over. “Hey, Danny, can I ask you a question?”

Danny gives him a long-suffering look, but he doesn’t say no.

Stiles leans over even further. “Am I attractive to gay guys?”

And then he leans too far and falls off his chair before he gets an answer.

***

Parent teacher night is what it is. Scott actually makes an appearance, so it’s great to know that he’s not dead and stuff following his day long radio silence, but Stiles can’t talk to him at all, because Scott’s got Allison hanging off his arm, and Stiles is flanked by Dad and Stella. Stiles tries to communicate with Scott in a series of narrow stares that they really need to get to the bottom of this werewolf stuff before Scott is compelled by the Alpha into becoming a bloodthirsty killing machine and Scott had better call him after parent teacher night before all this spirals entirely out of control, because taking the day off isn’t really the smartest thing to do in the middle of a supernatural crisis, you dumbass, but that’s a lot to try to convey with the power of a glare to a largely unreceptive target.

“So, um, you should come over for a Call of Duty session after this,” Stiles says.

“Oh, no,” Dad tells him. “Don’t you make any plans, Stiles. I know I’m going to find out something tonight that gets you grounded.”

Scott flashes him a sympathetic smile, like he actually thinks this is about video games. “Another time, huh?”

“Yep,” Stiles says, resisting the urge to roll his eyes so hard he can see his brain. “Another time.”

He follows his Dad and Stella down the corridor, then sends Scott a text message that says, simply: Idiot.

Stiles sits on a bench outside Finstock’s classroom with Stella, while Dad presumably gets the full Finstock experience. Stiles hopes it includes the speech from Independence Day.

Stella eats the rice crackers Dad packed for her to get her through the evening, and fills Stiles in on her day at school. Highlights include Brian Cassidy falling off the slide, Stella signing up for a new Reading in the Community program her teacher has initiated, and Faith Johansen inviting Stella to her birthday party sleepover in a few weeks. There will apparently be two different kinds of cake.

“Who gets two birthday cakes?” Stiles asks.

“Faith and her twin brother,” Stella says. “Duh.”

Well, that makes sense, Stiles figures, and leans back against the wall to wait for Dad.

“You wrote your essay on circumcision, kid?” Dad asks when he reappears. “Really?”

Stiles isn’t sure what it says about him when Dad can spend ten minutes with Finstock and come out thinking Stiles is the weird one, but it’s probably not anything to be proud of.

“What’s circumcision?” Stella asks loudly, and the freshman and his mom waiting on the bench beside them look horrified.

Dad sighs, and looks at his sheet of paper. “Who’s next?”

Stiles dies on the inside.

Because Harris is next. And Harris hates him.

This night just got worse.

***

They’re walking through the parking lot on their way back to Dad’s car when Stiles hears the screaming.

The Alpha, his stuttering heartbeat tells him.

“Wait here,” Dad says, his voice suddenly tight. “Wait here.”

“Dad,” Stiles says, gripping Stella’s hand tightly.

“Wait here!”

And suddenly Dad’s gone, and it’s chaos, with people rushing through the parking lot, and car tires screeching, and Stiles lifts Stella up onto the hood of the car they’re closest to just to keep her off the ground, and then—

A dull thud.

“Dad!” Stiles yells, pushing his way through a knot of people. “Dad!”

“I’m okay!” Dad says, climbing to his feet. “I’m okay!”

But he’s wincing, and his uniform pants are stained with blood below the knee. The driver of the car that hit him is still sitting in the driver’s seat, hands white-knuckled around the wheel.

“Stiles, where’s Stella?” Dad asks. “Get Stella and get—”

And then Stiles hears the roar, and his blood runs cold.

He turns, heading back for Stella. He can see her standing on top of the hood of the car. She’s craning her head to look at something and then, as Stiles watches, she turns and scrambles up the windshield onto the roof of the car, and god, it’s close… the Alpha is close.

Stiles dodges through the cars, his heart in his mouth.

A shot rings out.

Stiles skids to a halt just in time to see Chris Argent, Allison’s dad, holstering his firearm. He’s standing between Stella and…

Stiles turns his head to look.

A mountain lion?

Seriously?

A fucking mountain lion?

“A mountain lion?” he blurts aloud.

Chris Argent shows him a narrow stare. “Expecting something else?”

“No,” Stiles says, his heart hammering. “Nope. Not at all.”

Chris Argent looks him up and down, nods, and then goes to inspect his kill.

Stella slides back down the windshield of the car, her shoes squeaking on the glass, and into Stiles’s arms.

***

“You thought it was a werewolf, didn’t you?” Stella asks later that night when Dad—his grazes patched up—has gone in to work and Stiles and Stella are eating cereal in front of the television. “The bad one? The Alpha?”

“I thought it was.” Stiles closes his eyes briefly. “How messed up is it when it turns out a vicious mountain lion is the better  option?”

“Pretty messed up,” Stella agrees. She falls silent for a while, chewing her bottom lip. “Stiles?”

“Mmm?”

“Is Dad really okay?”

“Yeah.” Stiles nudges her with his shoulder, careful not to make it too hard so they don’t both end up wearing her bowl of cereal. “He’s fine.”

Stella hits him with a wide-eyed gaze that doesn’t allow him anywhere to hide. “What would happen if he wasn’t?”

That old, pervasive fear rises up in Stiles again. It’s been there ever since Mom died.

“I’d look after you,” he says.

“You’re not a grown-up,” she tells him. “Not really.”

“No, but I’d look after you,” Stiles says. “Dad has cousins in Portland. We’ve met them before, but you were probably too little to remember. If something bad happened to Dad, we’d go and live with them until I’m eighteen, then I’d look after you.”

Their mom’s death, and the realities of their dad’s job. It’s something that Stiles has thought about, and that Dad has planned for, if worst comes to worst.

“Okay,” Stella says, and nods seriously. “As long as we’d be together.”

“Yeah,” Stiles says, and thinks of Laura Hale. Thinks of Derek, who is all alone in the world now. Thinks of how he’s lost everyone. Stiles’s chest aches, and he wonders how Derek is even still standing. Stiles wouldn’t be. Not after that. Losing his mom fractured a part of him that will never really heal, but to lose Dad on top of that? To lose Stella? Even the thought of it makes panic spike sharply in his gut. “Yeah, we’d be together.”

He blinks, his eyes stinging, and wonders how Derek is even still here.

[laketaj24]

Nirvana: M’Baku (AU)

A/N: hey y’all! Here’s my first M’Baku fic!! Let me know what you think! I’ll tag some regulars!! I hope you enjoy!! Read my other works HERE!!! (BP Masterlist)

Happiness was still her laughter. And it really didn’t matter that M’Baku had someone when he was not feeling great he still called her.

“What you want?” She groaned answering the phone.

“What you doing?”

“Trying to get in these three miles before work.” Christa breathes hard into the phone and then pauses. Her labored breathing is the only thing on the line for a moment.

“Damn Christa, you need a inhaler?”

She tries not to laugh still panting lightly in his ear. “No, I’m good what’s wrong with your wining ass?”

“Wining, take that back?”

“I ain’t. What you want?”

“Man, how about they gave this other dude a promotion off of my damn project. Here I am slaving and working my ass off and I can’t even get a promotion.”

“Well, you might next time big baby.”

“Whatever, what time you gotta work?”

“It’s a special conference meeting, like two.”

“Come through, I got something I wanna show you.”

Christa pauses their relationship had been weird ever since he got engaged. This new chick didn’t respect their ten years and more friendship. All she saw was Christa thick hips and fat ass every time she came around. M’Baku didn’t seem to care, he wasn’t changing who he loved for her. “Aight, your girl there?”

“She got her own place Chris. What you got against her anyway?

“Nothing, I’m not tryna disrespect her, you know? But I got one more mile and I’ll be over. Make me some breakfast!”

“Uh shit.”

“M’Baku!”

“I’ll see what I can whip up.” He groans. “You always hungry man.”

He didn’t cook. He placed the bowl of Chocolate Lucky Charms on the plate and added her a small carton of milk with the Silver dome over it. She arrived fifteen minutes later locking her doors and checking her left and right. He laughed watching her skip from the window. This woman was always on ten and he loved it. The only time he’d seen her down was when her grandma died and now she even looked at that differently. She never knocked opening his front door like she lived there.

“Wipe them kicks off.” He said pointing at her feet as she entered.

“I was damn.” She wasn’t, but she wiped her feet off leaving the fresh grass on his welcome rug. “I don’t smell anything cooking.” She gripes pulling a chair up to his lavish display of food. She lifts the silver hood from the plate revealing the lucky charms. “What the hell?”

“Man you asked for food! Stop complaining. Eat your Lucky Charms.”

“What you been up to besides crying about your job?”

“I deserved the position, but other than that not shit.” M’Baku sat across from her smiling as she started to chomp down on the cereal. Christa kept her eyes locked on the little floating colored marshmallows. He done something for her and she wasn’t sure how she felt. She looks up at him smiling and placed her spoon down. “Why you stop eating?”

“Because you’re watching me eat.” Her face heats as she admires his large muscular arms and his thick fingers.

“I got this joke. I don’t want you to spit out your food.”

“Cause it’s that funny?”

“More than.” He crosses his arms leaning back in the bar stool. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Aight, you remind me of them Chocolate Lucky Charms.”

Christa shakes her head almost at the brink of laughter. “Why?”

“Because your Black. Magical and delicious.” He laughs, his voice booming through the apartment. And he was one of the people that took everyone with him when he laughed be that a corny joke or a good one.

Christa braces for a while but when his little snickered is partnered with the way he tosses his head back she breaks and joins him. “You’re so crazy, I swear. That laffy taffy ass joke.”

“That joke was great.” He breathes pouring himself some cereal.

“But how you know how I taste?” She shouldn’t have asked the question but the days of having a filter with him had passed.

He shrugs. “Looking like you do, you couldn’t taste any differently.” M’Baku bites his lip trying to hide the fact that the tension in the room had gone from zero to one hundred in a second.

She places her bowl in the sink and rests her hands against the counter. “So, What you call me over here for? I know it wasn’t for no cereal.”

“You just brighten my day. I can’t have you over for that reason alone?”

Christa shakes her head. “I gotta work. So thank you for the cereal. You’ve opened my eyes to the world of lucky charms.” She chuckles.

M’Baku turns towards her dragging his eyes up her body. Admiring every curve and small roll with a smug smile then finally reaching her dark eyes. They’d met when they both were young and never would have guessed their friendship would have lasted for this long. She was the only person that unintentionally made him doubt if his love was real for his fiancé. Love is supposed to be comfortable and overwhelming, a craving that only that one person could feel. He stands up in front of her.

Her voice wakes him from his trance. “What are you staring at?” She laughs once more.

“Have fun at your little meeting.”

Her small fingers wrap around his wrist pulling him over to her. “Why’d you call me over here?”

He doesn’t answer with words. He lifts her petite body from the ground placing her on the high bar so she could be closer to his face. M’Baku leans into her placing a chaste kiss on her forehead then moving down to her nose and finally his lips touch hers. His heart pounds ringing through his head as her soft lips crash into his with a eagerness that needn’t to be explained.

Christa’s legs wrap around his waist pulling him close. She couldn’t remember the last time her heart beat, it was scary yet the most exhilarating thing she’d ever done. She draped her arms him taking a moment to admire those brown eyes. Everything that has happened between the two of them was to get to this moment. The petty fights, the constant codependent conversations and the way they loved one another. Just to get here. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know.” But he does scooping her from the counter and making his way through his apartment. He tosses her playfully on the bed removing his shirt. He pulls at her leg removing her pants with help from her as she uses her feet to squirm out of them. He climbs on the bed lifting her up to him with one hand while spreading her legs with his other. He slaps her thighs and then rushes his fingers up her folds. Christa’s hops raise from his embrace and he pulls her back down sliding his fingers into her wet heat. She gasps and then settles back down as he starts a tantalizing pace. M’Baku watches her with his lips partially parted, adoring the way she snaps her head shut as he goes deeper and then drags his finger back out and to push it back and go deeper. He circles his thumb over her clit adding more pressure. She’s slick and as she reaches her orgasm all he can picture is her coming around him and writhing like she was just now. He allows her to ride out her high with her eyes shut and hands gripping the pillow, then he crawls over her pushing her legs flat to the bed. “The next time you come I want those eyes on me.” He says smirking.

Next time. She feels the thick head of his dick prodding at her entrance. Swiping up and down teasing her clit then back at the entrance. She was ready, or so she thought. M’Baku inches into her, trying to brace himself for how tight she was around him. Once all the way inside her he allowed her to get used to him and then he started. He pulled out of her and slammed back in over and over. Each time he strokes her g-spot with his tip. “Open those eyes Christa.” He pants rocking into her hilt deep and then back out. She tried to open her eyes but each time he thrusted into her it grew harder to not liquify underneath him. He pushed her legs further into the mattress allowing him to get deeper.

“Damn.” She said feeling all of her nerves well inside of her until they broke free in an explosion of ecstasy. She clawed her fingers into his back taking them down in her cry of pleasure. M’Baku grunts going deeper, harder and faster than before. He’d told her to open her eyes but his was closed as he rested his head in her shoulders gripping her with both arms and pounding into her until he couldn’t anymore. He pulls out of her leaving a trail of white cum on her stomach and down her leg.

They both pant laying one another, their eyes both locked on the ceiling. Christa starts to laugh shaking her head while trying to grasp what had happened. M’Baku turned to her with a smile realizing that happiness was still her laughter for him.

Tagging:  @wilddrabble@readsalot73@kimistry27@sparklemichele@titty-teetee @amour-quinn@captstefanbrandt@valynsia @byzantium-glytch@suz-123@earthsmightiestasses@harleycativy@sunnyfortomorrow@sincerelysinister@pebblesz892@ceridwenofwales@ivarsshieldmadien@bang-kim-bap@samwinchxtr @scumyeol @erisjade @purple-apricots @ceridwenofwales @raindrop-dewdrop

[sassysweetstories]

Mixed Signals

Request: “Hey girly! Can I request a little Pietro one shot where he flirts with the reader obnoxiously, like sexual and super flirty and no matter how hard everyone tries to convince her and she's like naw he would never and that's just him and then after a hard mission he tells her he just needs to hold her?” 

Ship: Pietro x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, flirting, crying, mentions of death, minor kissing, etc. 

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to owners. 

Tagged: @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw @anamcg317 @bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist @beingmadinwonderland @princessisabelle19 @violence-and-velvet 

Your P.O.V 

Sweat dripping down the side of face, I punch the dummy in front of me before kicking it again. My breath is hitched from breathing so hard. Training, especially as an Avenger, is never easy. But with a little bit of water and some motivating music, I can punch through, literally and figuratively. I grab my water and phone before heading over to a different set of boxing equipment. I’m focusing so much on the task at hand, I almost don’t notice a warm body watching from behind me until that person speaks. “Damn, I didn’t think you were so rough, princess.” Pietro.. The second the words leave his mouth, I can’t stop the blush from forming onto my cheeks. He makes me so flustered so easily it grinds my gears. 

Turning over my shoulder to scoff at him, my eyes nearly fall out of my sockets. He’s shirtless, again. How was I not expecting that. I subconsciously rake my eyes up and down his body, muttering softly. “Oh sweet baby jesus, lord have mercy on my soul.” He grins down at me with that stupid smug smile, sizing me up. I force my gaze away and try to get back to what I was doing but I can’t get that image of him out of my head. And before I know it, his hands are on my waist. “Stand like this-” Pietro says softly, his lips grazing my cheek and ear as he uses his massive hands to position my hips. “Good. In this position you’ll have more-” He pauses and brings his warm lips up to my ear before whispering, “-control.” And before I know he’s gone, vanished out of thin air. 

I fan myself, resting a hand on the wall to catch a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding in. God, I’m such an idiot for let him control me like this. A few flirty words or gestures and I’m literal puddy in this guys hands. None of it’s real though. He’s toying with me. I go back not long after to shower, too heated by the interaction to focus on anything other than his warm hands. Tony, Sam, Steve, Bucky and Natasha reside in the kitchen, eating and chatting about something I don’t care to insert myself into and instead opt out to pick out some food and read my book. Grabbing a plate, I smile at the gang before grabbing a few articles of food that was until a new body came in front of me. “Princess.” He says with his smooth accent. I roll my eyes and nudge him out of the way, spitting back. “Asshat.” 

He clutches his chest, dramatically. “Ouch! And I thought we were getting along this morning, princess.” I refuse to meet his gaze, shimmying past him to grab some grapes and strawberry’s. My ass unintentionally grazes against his crotch before moving past him. “Sorry, sweetheart. Better luck next time.” I saw sweetly before heading to my room, hips swaying without trying. Later that day, I came into the living room to see the majority of the team catching up on some sports. Plopping down between Bucky and Steve. Buck takes one good look at me and says, “(Y/n), you keep this up and Pietro will literally spontaneously com-bust.” Sam, Nat and Steve nod their head in agreement but I have no idea what they’re referring to. 

I give them a puzzled glance. “What are you guys talking about?” All four of their jaws fall to the ground at my genuine surprise. “Sweetie, it’s Pietro. He likes you.” Natasha says, watching my reaction closely. Now I’m the one who gawks. Pietro?! Pietro tall, foreign, hot tamale, cute ass, Maximoff?! He only acts the way he does to rile me up and annoy me. There is literally no way, it’s impossible. “That’s ridiculous. Pietro doesn’t like me.” Bucky looks right into my eyes, almost like he’s trying to see if I’m lying or not. When he knows I’m serious, he shakes his head. “(Y/n), doll, he’s smitten for you. There’s no doubt about it. He checked you out as you were leaving. He likes you.” I look at each one of them, searching for a lie. This has to be a joke, lord knows I don’t actually believe. 

The next day Pietro zoomed around me, leaning against the kitchen railing, he smiles. “Damn, princess. Are you a campfire? Cause you’re hot and I want s’more.” Bucky and Sam snort mid cereal bite, snickering into their food while I tilt my head at Pietro, confused by the statement. “(Y/n), I gotta ask you. Which is easier? You getting into those tight jeans or me getting you out of them?” Before I could respond, Bucky and Sam nearly fall off their chairs laughing. Suddenly Tony is in the picture, watching the interaction with an evil smile. “Princess, do you like Nintendo? Cuz “Wii” would look good together.” Tony snorts this time while the others can’t bare to keep their mouths shut, laughing so hard their faces turn red. 

Why the fuck were they laughing? He’s just a flirty person?? I pat his face with a faint smile. “Pietro, go talk to a girl who’s actually going to show you the time of day.” I say before walking out. His mouth goes slack and his jaw falls in shock by my dodge. It was stupid to even think he actually liked me. I mean, he’s him and I’m me. We’d be the most unlikely pair. Pietro? Liking me? Impossible. Later that day, I say goodbye to the team before they head off for another mission, not needing my expertise this time around. By the time they all get back, it’s nearly midnight and I’m burred nose deep in my newest novel obsession. For the first time that night, I tear my gaze away and glance up to find a tired looking Pietro. 

Circles cascade across his under eyes, making his cheeks appear more hollow and pale. I’d never seen him look like this before and it scared the hell out of me. He was always this flirty, chipper character. Now, he was solemn and sad, near tear-eyed. “Pietro.. Are you okay?” I ask softly, putting my book down so quietly it almost doesn’t make a sound. Pushing myself up and off the couch to walk over to him, his warm eyes never leave mine. “C-Can y-you hold m-me?” When he asks that question, I’m shocked. It hadn’t sounded like him, not even remotely. For once, his voice is soft and broken, not like his usual suave, cocky self. I nod and open my arms. Before I know it, we’re back on the couch, wrapping in each others arms. 

His head rests comfortably on my chest, arms wrapped around my waist while I find myself playing with his hair. A blanket over our bodies, not sure where it came from while Pietro attempted to pull himself closer to me, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. I kiss the top of my head, smiling at how normal the interaction was. “What happened, Pietro?” At the question, he drew himself closer to me before muttering, “I couldn’t save a mans life. He died. Right in front of me.” Before I knew it, I felt something wet and faint fall onto my neck and chest. It took me a minute to realize that Pietro was crying. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his head, whispering words of comfort. “It’s not your fault, Pietro. Sometimes things like that happen. I’m so sorry.” 

I couldn’t even imagine the kind of trauma he’s going through, let alone the others. It’s nearly one in the morning by the time we’re nearly unconscious, limbs wrapping in between the others body. We’re surprisingly comfortable molded together. Right before sleep happily takes me, I hear a faint voice mutter against my collarbone, “Thank you, princess. I love you, so much.” I can’t help but reply, “I love you too, Maximoff.” 

(I hope you guys liked it! Please comment below!!) 

[wanna-one-imagine]

NU’EST Kang Dongho Father! AU

Another father AU, for anon. Enjoy! (You + Kang Dongho)

well

we all obviously know that Dongho is not the most soFT looking guy

(mnet knew that real well)

and yes he may look like a frightening masculine manly man who invented the concept of strength but

when he heard he was going to be a father, he melted into a puddle of goop

like really sweet goop not bad goop just a clarification (sorry friends im feeling extra memey rn)

during your pregnancy he would be super duper overprotective and always seem to have whatever you needed whenever you needed it

whether that be a shoulder to cry on or a massage or exotic foods

wants the absolutely best for you and the baby and would be very involved in terms of knowing all the health issues and risks that newborn babies could have

helped you decorate a cute little room for the baby, you both went with purple and white themed because you didn’t know the gender and he was so excited he couldn’t resist waiting

researched into all kinds of things and had plans about what sports and activities your child should pursue in the future,,, keep in mind your baby isnt even born yet

anyway when the birthing is OVER dongho is like so excited and cautious with you and the kid (im sorry i dont want to put a name or gender) 

kids are boring at first but he seemed to never get tired of doting on them

would literally try baby food to see how it tastes and pretend like it was okay and then proceed to vigorously wash the weird taste out with waterwould apologize to the child “im sorry you have to eat this, just wait until you can have solids oh goodness won’t that be fun?? im already excited, we can eat potatoes and cereal together!”

when the child grew up a little more he started taking them to playgrounds and daycares and stuff like that

you and him took turns because your schedule allowed for that

at the daycare and playground, the other moms were sHOOK because of how adorable dongho was

this super powerful strong man at first sight but then he’s all eye-smiley and giggly and showers his kid with kisses and makes gugu noises its wonderful absolutely wonderful

sings songs to and with the kid, from random tunes to the abcs to like baa baa black sheep or some shit as the kid grew up

and wtf can you imagine that?? 

donghos honey vocals that super sweet voice just singing all the time to your child goodness that would be a blessing

but also eventually get annoying like yes the wheels on the bus do indeed go round and round aHEM ANYWAY

doesn’t necessarily take care of his skin condition thAt much as like u know celebrities normally do (as we also saw on broduce) but with his kid?? only the highest quality products would be selected

would read so many reviews of products just to make sure the child would only be exposed to the safest possible materials

yea basically a huge softie

one day when child grew up a bit he was playing w them in a sandbox

and dongho was literally too caught up in building his own sand castle when he realized child had started putting sand in their mouth

he simultaneously freaked out and died of laughter because the situation was so ridiculous, immediately made child spit out the sand and washed their mouth

considered trying some sand to see what the child tasted but decided that was a weird idea and just settled for googling what would happen

exposed child to a lot of different things, music, art, history, science, memes, you name it

found himself learning a lot as he taught the kid and gained experiences with them and you

asks for another child lmAO

does he want to raise a farm of kids or something??

probably

he wants to be able to answer all the questions child had

is totally whipped for the both of you

will always give you two random presents

if he travels somewhere for work or something he will always return with souvenirs for the both of you

yall spoiled ok

cooks comfort foods super well

knows all the characters of like the magic school bus and sesame street because he just wants to interact with his child (i almost typed offspring wtf)

always handing out free hugs and kisses 

gives piggyback rides on demand (for you and for child lmao)

he protec

is your and your child’s superhero

A/N: oh gosh this ended up really memey lsdfjklj sorry bout that LOL

also thanks for 400 followers!!

[alicedoessurveys]

60 Questions

Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? Not learning from anyone, but I'm teaching myself to play ukelele

Are you one of those people who always tend to think critically in issues? i dont 100% understand the question, but i am someone who is constantly thinking critically of myself. I'm not so critical of other people

Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? Yeah, I've known a few boys over the years who seem incapable of having a girl as just a friend without being flirty

When was the last time you had any kind of pork? What kind was it? Had sausage the other day, but i cant remember what day it was my brain isn't working

Are you someone who normally eats a full breakfast every single morning? i usually eat cereal, unless I'm not hungry or when i have to wake up early for something cause i tend to feel really sick

Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. surely not, but then there are some strange people in the world

Is there anyone out there who can give you butterflies in your stomach? Yup

Are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? not really, me and my friends tend to like the same things

Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? i have, i used to be friends with someone who while we were on Skype would find it hilarious to send me random links and wait to see my reaction when i click it and end up on some horrid porn site.

What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? Idk, i find it gross when i see guys out in public with their hands down their pants :’) and spitting, i hate seeing anyone walking down the road spitting theres no need and its disgusting

Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? Teleport. never have to drive again 👍🏻

Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? i have not seen it

Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Thankfully nope. we don't really have anything that bad in england. we did have a bad hurricane once like over 10 years ago that cause quite a bit of destruction. i was actually in the exact area it hit like 5 minutes before it hit which freaked me out a bit

Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? i didn't have bacon and eggs as a kid

What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? i really like burger king’s fries or mcdonalds

Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? Nope

Are you someone who always looks for sales when you go shopping somewhere? not really, i have to be in the right mood. i do look when I'm online though

Are you constantly re-arranging your bedroom? Or do you not like change? i used to be someone who rearranged my room a lot (i get it from my mother) but since i moved into my current bedroom 2 years ago its stayed the same way with slight changes to what furniture is in there or the way i arrange my books/ornaments etc

Who would you consider the best teen actor or actress out there now? ones that people will know i think are the actors from stranger things, especially the girl who plays eleven. Also the main two out of the netflix version of ‘a series of unfortunate events’ are brilliant

When did you last cuddle up next to someone and watch a movie? not for ages

Where would people most likely find you out on the weekends? at home :’) i don't really go out

Do you like the school you attend or is it just pretty bland to you? im not in school anymore, but when i was i hated it. its was an absolute dive

Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I've never been to a parade that throws candy.

What is your favorite childhood memory? Who did you share this with? going to my nan and grandads house 3 days a week every summer holiday

Are there any windows open in your house right now? Which ones, if so? nope its cold

Is it currently your favorite season? If not what is your favorite? its just past my favourite season, i like autumn and the part of winter where its christmas

Do you like soda pop? If so, which is your favorite and least favorite? what is soda pop?

Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? Nope, doesn't bother me at all. I've been bought up in a family that isn't

Do you have any siblings you’re embarrassed about being related to? nope Im proud of my sister

Which noises do you currently hear right now? Can you control those? The telly which i could turn off if i wanted to but i dont. also, cause I'm ill I've got tinatus in my ears

What is one thing you’ve never understood throughout your life? a lot of things

When you see an old person do you think ‘sweet’ or ‘creepy?’ Sweet

What is it that makes old women want so many cats in their life? cats are good company and fluffy and low maintenance

What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Scream

When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? last time i babysat was last year sometime. nothing bad happened. ill be babysitting a lot more when this foster child comes along

How many times a day do you wash your face? Do you wash it really good? I dont wash it as much as i should. i tend to use face scrub/wash when I'm in the shower

Would you consider yourself to have a boring life or a really exciting one? currently very boring

Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No, thats weird haha

Who was the last person you kissed and why did you kiss this person? Ugh, I've kinda explained this in previous surveys. he was someone i got very close to and nearly dated but then i freaked out and decided i didn't want a boyfriend. then we didn't talk for a while and he found himself a girlfriend but when we worked on the same theatre production together we got close again. one night he was driving me home from rehearsals and he pulled over into a carpark and was like i want to kiss you and i let him kiss me then he drove me home.. the worse part was he gave me his cold too :’)

How many fish have you owned in your lifetime, so far? Did they all die? we used to have nearly 100 fish in the pond in the garden but one day they all died except one so we called him lucky and took him to live in my grandad’s garden pond. I'm guessing he's dead now cause that was like 15 years ago

When do you think it’s the right age to pass away? when you're ready and when its your time to go

If you were to get drunk right now, how would you most likely act? i dont drink so i wouldn't get drunk

How many people have you kissed in your lifetime, so far? Who were they? just one, read answer to earlier question.

Are you going to post this on a social networking site after you take it? Tumblr

Is there something people in general do that bothers you a lot? Just existing

Has anything supernatural ever happened to you? What were these events? Nope

How many concerts have you seen so far in life? Were they good ones? a lot

Do you like doing anything your friends wouldn’t expect you to do? Yup

Can you sing very well or are you considerably tone deaf? im don't think I'm awful.. i can hold a tune i just don't have a voice that i like

When did you last make a survey? How many people took it so far? i dont make surveys

Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Nope im not smart enough & science was my worst subject at school

Where is your favorite place to go when you’re feeling sad and alone? Tumblr

Have you ever had to call poison control while you were babysitting? Nope…

Do you ever look back on the past years and wish you could go back? a bit, just health wise

When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? not sure, were on snapchat quite a bit

Does it bother you when people constantly sign in on MSN? Or not so much? nope i dont use msn anymore

When was the last time you saw a bird? What kind of bird was this? i was watching a robin in the garden earlier

Have you ever seen someone getting beat up by lots of people at one time? yeah I've witnessed a few fights cause i live opposite a pub so we get a lot of drunk people walk past late on weekends and occasionally they have fights

Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? i like the look of some vintage stuff but I'm not super into it

When was the last time you bought new sheets for your bed? bought myself some new festive bedding in november, so like 2 months ago