#i was cheesing all night

[juneboba]

men giving compliments: k ty bye (forgets about interaction later)

women giving me compliments: 💘 flabbers gasted 😳 stunned 😳crying 😭 don't know what to do 💖heart heart heart 💖 crying more 😭 returns compliments 10 fold 😍💖 becomes hype queen 💯💯 remembers interaction for the rest of my life 💞🥰

[chloesimaginationthings]

These clown animatronics in FNAF wild as hell..

[nevertheless-moving]

unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self. 

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and— 

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic,  being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life. 

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal. 

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell) Scene from the Uberwald Grand Sneer

[antiquepearlss]

I headcanon Varian as lactose intolerant because he is absolutely one of those people who eats a whole block of cheese and a pint of ice cream and just “powers through” the pain.

[ennard-is-near]

A lot of the time people give Michael some sort of reason for being such a dick to Evan, but I just want to say that it is very fun to scare your younger sibling to tears and perhaps he doesn’t have a reason beyond that.

[fairylando]

okay sanremo's week is officially over in italy and there's this singer that everyone is loving right now (i knew him, i just fell in love with his whimsical ass more after this) lucio corsi, and funnily enough he is a motorsports fan — motogp most of all.

but not only he reminds me so much of lando (everybody calls him "little elf" just like i do) but the song he brought to the festival was literally made for little lando norris.

you just have to trust me.

[thecryptidart1st]

No, I was absolutely caught off-guard by John Oliver explaining how Chuck E. Cheese used to be sketchy as hell, almost as if two guys from the 1970s made it through a ton of ABBA, drugs, and sleepless nights

(Also Hello Minerva)

[screamsofanoutlawbrain]

Hehehe, the brain juices are working..

Anyways, another AU has been marinating in my mind, I like to call this one "Reborn Ancients", it gets the point across.

Basically, before the ancient cookies could get corrupted, their souljams self destructed. Causing the ancients to die with their souljams,

They quickly grew as tall as the beasts and started to fall and fade into nothing, leaving behind silhouettes of their giant forms in the land they fell on (like Golden Cheese leaving behind an oasis in the shape of her in the dessert, for example), the souljams dying with them.

Anyways, death doesn't stay permanent for beings like them, lol. So, for various reasons, they get thrown back into new lives. Here's a summary of the reborn ancients + their new names.

Whipped Vanilla Cookie: A very many winged shepherd who knows everything that has been and will be. He doesn't let that stop him from venturing the world with his bestie (Witch's Lily) and being a rambunctious happy little guy. (He believes that every sight looks better in person, and that applies to what he sees in his mind too)

Holly Bush Cookie: One tough plant lady, literally. She's just visiting between the dragons valley and the Hollyberry Kingdom, happy with the environment and enjoying the people within. She's also hunting down Pitaya Dragon Cookie because she wants to fight them. So she's thriving over all.

Cacao Dust Cookie: A very surprisingly sweet guy who just so happens to have four arms and kinda a spirit despite not being dead. He lives as a guide to people lost in the storms in the Dark Cacao Kingdom and as a swordfighting teacher. A group of spirits saw him guiding someone through a snow storm, thought he was some spirit king, and were attached to the guy by the time he told them that he was infact, just some guy with an odd appearance (unknowing liar).

Solar Cheese Cookie: Phoenix girlie was born from a lake in an oasis next to the Golden Cheese Kingdom's pyramids, eventually meeting the cheese birds and the cookies of the Golden Cheese Kingdom, and quickly swearing to protect their Kingdom and mines from the outside with a very sudden undying loyalty. Solar Cheese thrives in the oasis outside, flying about and fighting any force that dares to attack what she protects, and staring up at the blazing sun with determination. (She's gonna fight it.)

Witch's Lily Cookie: The Faerie Kingdom decided to handle the world's latest new being of darkness and chaos with a little more nurturing kindness and care, resulting in Witch's Lily not wanting to destroy the entire world, infact, she just wants to explore with her many, many dogs! And so she does, meeting Whipped Vanilla along the way and sticking with the guy (her dogs help heard his sheep, and he heals her when in danger, alongside being each other's friends). In all truth, she's a chaotic girlie who hates DE with a burning passion, loves her friend, and wants to have fun and see the wonders of life instead of being told them.

I have SO much more to say about these guys, so if anyone wants to ask about them, please do, I beg of you.

[shyvioletlife]

I’ve finally started watching junior year and I am So paranoid about the cottage cheese. The constant references to them constantly having just dairy for meals in general but man I really cannot read what level is a joke and what level is tying into fig’s new contract

[oreoambitions]

What are y'all doing for the longest night of the year?

[astriiformes]

Experimented with putting some smoked paprika in tonight's latkes and they turned out incredibly delicious. I love that holidays get me cooking properly.

[gaylos-lobos]

actually before i go to sleep

giving Luz the same kinda shot composition here directly after finding out what happened to King and Eda (and telling Camila that she hasn’t changed her mind about returning back to Gravesfield after rescuing the two) while dressed as Azura (someone she admires) to when Philip arrived to the isles in search and rescue for Caleb (<- if getting there was accidentally or not does not matter) while dressed in his attire or at least clothes that resembles them, truly driving home the point of how similar the two of them are and how they really are just mirrors of the other

[venpyr]

i've won at life because i went from being in a relationship where i had to beg and plead to even be paid attention to and was often belittled for being "too much." to now having a partner who warns me that i won't want to wear heels all night, supports me when i still don't listen, and then only ever sighs in fond exasperation and makes me trade him shoes once my feet start really hurting.

the kicker? they have larger feet than i do but didn't complain even once and actually made me laugh about it once i started feeling bad

[sonknuxadow]

did some minor customization to one of my neutral chao figures so cream could have cheese with her if anyone cares

[demoniccrowz]

I’m so sick but every time I think that sentence I immediately also think ‘hi so sick, I’m dad’

[lesamis]

it is i think not one of my best but at least one of my funniest qualities that i've historically held myself together surprisingly ok in some high-stress situations, but give me a fun and relaxed night out and i'll have a polite but VERY obvious breakdown in the arms of a friendly man i've known for 2 hours saying shit like "yeah intellectually i know they love me but like it's another thing to actually feel it right" and he's like cheers to that. and then we're mutually like king what was your name again.