#i was at a post-punk show last weekend with my best friend and we had an interesting conversation afterwards

[sinceileftyoublog]

Riot Fest 2024: 9/20-9/22

Rob Zombie

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Yeah, the difference in genres over each of the three days at this year's Riot Fest was as palpable as the heat on Friday and Saturday and the rain on Sunday. No worries, though: Riots come in all shapes and sizes, styles and structures, sounds and spirits. Here were my favorite lucky 13 sets from last weekend.

Drug Church

Drug Church

Even though it was the hottest part of the day, Drug Church vocalist Patrick Kindlon repeated one main request throughout the Albany post-hardcore band's set: "Fucking move." The crowd obliged, enamored with the way Nick Cogan, Cory Galusha, Chris Villeneuve, and Patrick Wynne's crunchy grungy sound complemented Kindlon's hoarse scream. Whether Drug Church was playing old songs, like Cheer highlight "Unlicensed Guidance Counselor, rife with Mascis-esque guitar squalls, or the high-pitched bounce of "Myopic" from the quintet's upcoming PRUDE (Pure Noise), fans moshed and crowd surfed. What route they exactly took was often based on humorous instruction from Kindlon, thick New York accent and all: "This one's not for the circle pit; it's for coming over the barrier," he clarified before "Million Miles of Fun". Best, it's not like he was giving demands from a throne. Kindlon himself was probably worse off than anyone in the crowd, having declined sunscreen and worrying about forgetting the words of new song "Slide 2 Me". "The band has a pact," he said before they closed their set with "Weed Pin". "Even if I get attacked or have a stroke on stage, they don't stop." With dedication like that, it was easy for the rest of us to bring the energy.

Drug Church's Patrick Kindlon

Sum 41

"Thank you for putting up with our stupid bullshit," Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley said to the crowd during the middle of a cover of Queen's "We Will Rock You". Yes, the band who is calling it quits, who had every opportunity to play a deep cut for the diehard fans, used one of their twelve songs in their hour-long slot on a breakneck pop punk version of maybe the most recognizable rock song ever. The choice and its ensuing performance was Sum 41 in a nutshell: earnestly moronic, surprisingly technically deft, ultimately undeniable. Though their most recent and last-ever album Heaven :x: Hell (Rise) is strong, they played only its spritely lead single "Landmines", opting instead to burn through their underratedly massive back catalog of hits, replete with pyrotechnics, Dave Baksh and Tom Thacker's tit-for-tat lead guitar interplay, and Frank Zummo's massive double kick drums. The crowd ate it up, jumping up and down to the rhythmic bounce of "Underclass Hero" and "In Too Deep" and singing along to every word of "Fat Lip". By the time the band got to their final song, "Still Waiting", Whibley requested no more fire, wanting to connect with the crowd: "Just us, you, and the music." He didn't mention lights, though, so who was he kidding? As soon as the chorus hit, strobes chaotically moved along to Zummo's drum fills, providing, for the last time, more gloriously stupid bullshit from a band we're all going to miss more than we know.

The Offspring

At what Home Depot did The Offspring get that blow-up skeleton? The California punk band came to Douglass Park to show off their love for the very breakout album that donned a bony buddy on its cover, Smash, celebrating it's 30th anniversary this year. The full album set featured very little banter and a load of piercingly loud sounds: Noodles' razor guitar leads, Brandon Pertzborn's well-done-meaty snares, and of course, Dexter Holland's shrill scream-sing. The band did take a break to show, on the stage's screens, clips from old interviews about the band and Smash, including how, "You gotta keep 'em separated" was sung by a friend of the band, as well as the punk scenes they've been a part of throughout their career. And though Smash still holds up front-to-back, The Offspring recognize that classics, too, can change with time, so they skipped over "Self Esteem" so they could play it at the end of their album set before a three-song encore of later-career tunes. There may not be anything new to say about their best album, so The Offspring have merely decided to give the people what they want.

The Marley Brothers

The Marley Brothers

At the Cabaret Metro stage, Fall Out Boy was lighting off fireworks, and I could audibly hear every snap, crackle, and pop in the distance and see smoke rising from the corner of my eye. Normally, that would bother me, but I was otherwise transfixed by the singers and instrumentalists right in front of me, letting the grooves do the talking. The Marley Brothers, Bob Marley's sons Stephen, Ziggy, Julian, Ky-Mani and Damian, traded off and performed some of their father's hits and deep cuts, like protest songs "Get Up, Stand Up", "Rebel Music (3 O'Clock Roadblock), and "I Shot The Sherriff", the pure "Three Little Birds", and dub masterpiece "Positive Vibration". Their gravel-throated, weary rasp made them dead ringers for their father; the band, backing vocalists, and posse member spending the whole set waving a giant Jamaican flag made the closing set a full-on show, just as deserving of headlining status as the local kids across the park.

The Marley Brothers

Buzzcocks

Buzzcocks

Few songs on Singles Going Steady pass the three-minute mark, so it was cool to see the Buzzcocks, almost a half-century since they formed, play around with dynamics during their Saturday afternoon set. Sure, you knew what you were gonna get with the slinky bass of "Why Can't I Touch It?" and "Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)", but the band unexpectedly added a big jam and lots of distortion to "Harmony in My Head". Last weekend was their first time back in Chicago since founder Pete Shelley passed away, let alone releasing their first album without him, Sonics in the Soul (Cherry Red), so Steve Diggle got to both pay tribute and show his abilities as full-time lead vocalist. He passed the test, especially on the new tunes like "Senses Out of Control", his echoing, nasal sneer sounding kind of like Bob Mould with a British accent. Just like Mould, Buzzcocks keep growing instead of resting on their laurels.

Buzzcocks' Steve Diggle

The Hives

The Hives

You know you're getting older when you watch The Hives and think to yourself, "How is Howlin' Pelle Almqvist not perenially injured?" Jumping around on the stage and in the crowd, motion restricted by a fitted suit, seems like a recipe for back problems, or at least plantar fasciitis! Misplaced anxiety aside, watching Sweden's preeminent garage rock revival band continues to reward, almost 25 years after they broke out with Veni Vidi Vicious. The band did play a few tunes from their most recent record The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons (Disques Hives), whose title sees them fully embrace the (probably fictional) supposed sixth member of The Hives who is their manager and sole songwriter. I suppose it doesn't matter who writes their songs--"Hate to Say I Told You So" still rips as a catchy, jump-along anthem with the best of them.

The Hives' Howlin' Pelle Almqvist

Spoon

Spoon

Spoon

Spoon

Move over, Pitchfork: Spoon's presence on the Riot Fest lineup mostly confirms the festival's status as the greatest harbinger of Aughts-era indie rock in Chicago. At 5:30 P.M., most everyone at Riot Fest who once owned the Red Hot compilation Dark Was the Night planted themselves for the night, ready to take in the back-to-back-to-back-to-back of the Austin quintet, St. Vincent, Pavement, and Beck. Though Spoon had their fair share of "punk"-esque moments, like set opener "Got Nuffin", the sharp "The Hardest Cut", and a stellar cover of The Cramps' "TV Set", they were an atmospheric outlier. To play "The Underdog", Britt Daniel brought out an instrument you don't often see on a stage at Riot Fest--an acoustic guitar--which started a run of shuffling and sparkly catalog highlights like "Wild" and "Inside Out". On an unusually hot September day, though, Spoon's laid-back melodies were a welcome respite. "Someone get popsicles, someone do something about the heat," Daniel sang on "Do You". With the pace of their set, he heeded his own call.

Spoon's Britt Daniel

St. Vincent

Perhaps unlike Spoon, these days, St. Vincent's sound has less in common with her early baroque pop days and skews heavily towards the industrial funk of many of her Riot Fest peers. Leading the charge were the songs on her latest album All Born Screaming (Total Pleasure): the noodling "Flea", finger-snapping "Broken Man", trip-hop vibing "Hell Is Near", reggae jamming and propelling "All Born Screaming". The one thing consistent in all of St. Vincent's material, though, is Annie Clark's guitar playing, on-point during her set. Scratchy, funky leads pervaded "Big Time Nothing", "Marrow", "Los Ageless", and "Digital Witness", Clark's unique shredding style just as mighty as the metal bands that would grace the same stage the next day.

Pavement

Though I had seen Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks before, I was psyched to see his undeniably influential primary band live in all of their silly, ramshackle glory. They didn't disappoint; even if they were on a big stage, playing to a big crowd, they still had the air of up-and-comers goofing around, raw in their loud-quiet-loud dynamism on "Cut Your Hair" and psychedelic jamming on "Box Elder". Scott Kannberg, aka "Mr. Spiral Stairs," got to take the lead on his "Date w/ IKEA", while the only person cawing louder than the guy behind me during the chorus of "Unfair" was Bob Nastanovich. The band played their first ever RIAA-certified song "Harness Your Hopes", which, in true Pavement fashion, is not even on a full-length album, and they ended their set with the anti-climactic "Stop Breathin", as if to make a statement to the crowd that they're still the same wonderfully messy band all these years later.

Beck

Beck's live sets are somewhere between Pavement and a band like Nine Inch Nails: pure professionalism, sometimes disguised as spontaneous. During his headlining set Saturday night, his and his band's performances of Odelay untouchables like "Devils Haircut" and "The New Pollution" were no-notes perfect. His retreat into acoustic Sea Change heartbreak sported a beatific, melancholy sheen. Really, it was the songs from his early and later catalog that provided him the most opportunity for the unexpected or the new, whether it was "Girl" trading in its electronic blips for garage surf rock or extended bluesy guitar and harmonica preceding "Loser" and "One Foot in the Grave", respectively. Moreover, Beck's funky tunes hit the hardest live. "E-Pro"'s outro adopted a swinging, metal might, while the unbridled horniness of the Midnite Vultures songs got the crowd moving the most. Yeah, I'm crossing my fingers for a 30-year-anniversary Midnite Vultures set at Riot Fest 2029.

SPRINTS

SPRINTS

"I'm like Slayer's gayer cousin," joked SPRINTS lead vocalist Karla Chubb to a crowd waiting out the rain all day to see their favorite metal band's first show since disbanding five years prior. Her words were funny, but they rang true coming from a Dublin band who has more than their fair share of experience forcefully trudging through non-ideal weather. Playing from their great debut album Letter to Self (City Slang), Chubb, Colm O'Reilly, Sam McCann, and Jack Callan gave a masterclass in building tension that exploded into shouted harmonies, heavy guitar and bass, and limber drums.

SPRINTS' Sam McCann

Tierra Whack

Tierra Whack

Philadelphia rapper Tierra Whack's music is innovative, concise, and moving. It's also absurd at times, which is why I shouldn't have been at all surprised at her DJ's idiosyncratic choice of tunes to pump up the crowd, ranging from the appropriate (Kendrick Lamar's "m.A.A.d. city", Soulja Boy's "Turn My Swag On") to the lovelorn (Paramore's "Still Into You") to the absolutely head-scratching (Coldplay's "Viva La Vida".) As soon as Whack entered the stage, though, it was clear her set was going to contain all of these qualities. Her infectious energy helped the crowd turn up on "CHANEL PIT". In turn, the support of the crowd helped her remain earnest and vulnerable on "SNAKE EYES". I, however, as an appreciator of deft impersonators, was most wowed by the songs that emphasized her throaty, persona-transforming delivery, like "BURNING BRAINS" or Lil Yachty's "T.D", the latter of which proved she's one of the best live emcees in the game.

Tierra Whack

Rob Zombie

Rob Zombie

Chalk this one as the set of the weekend I was most surprised to enjoy, just because I've never gotten that into Rob Zombie the solo artist, filmmaker, or even member of groove metal legends White Zombie. For one, his ghoulishly muscular voice sounded pristine, tangible amidst the bombast of his stage setup. Live, I really got an appreciation for the hooks of the clubby "What Lurks on Channel X?", brawny "Demon Speeding", and buzz-sawed White Zombie hit "More Human Than Human". Bonus points for doing "Well, Everybody's Fucking in a U.F.O.", which sounds like the best messed up barnyard jam Primus never wrote.

Rob Zombie

Rob Zombie

[vcrnons]

hi j!!! 💙 it's your secret carat santa again! i hope you had a wonderful weekend and i hope your week has been kind to you. 💙

i see that you have 4 biases in seventeen and i'm wondering the order you started biasing them (not the order you bias them most) because i know i thought i'd only bias one and it was like a rabbit hole biasing more and more! how did you start biasing woozi, dk, vernon and dino? ���

i know you said you'll be busy so please take your time and answer at any length you'd like! i look forward to talking to you more 💙

- secret 💎🥕 santa 💚

omg hiii, i'm sooo sorry this got buried and i forgot to check my inbox pls forgive me<3

i was EXACTLY the same thinking it was only gonna be one but no. three more came out of the woodwork (+ on any given day at least 3 others are playing some serious games with my mental health, we move). but GOD that's such a great question hehe okay i'm about to go IN so i hope you're sitting comfortably!

i biased vernon first! i found out about svt around the time black eye teasers were dropping because my best friend is a pre-debut carat and has been a dolly since the dawn of time. they were sending me the promo photos and the mv teaser and i was HOOKED. the vibe and the styling and his voice (i was a big pop-punk girlie as a teenager so when she sent me the 2 minus 1 open mic it was like someone had shot me out of a cannon and into space). crazy. then the song released and it was iterally like i'd been reborn. from there it really was like falling into a pit to the centre of the earth. (it got me through some very hard times in 2023 and it'll always hold a big place in my heart.) and i guess as for why he remained the top of my bias list this whole time... i could go on about this man for days. i love how fluidly he dances, his voice is SO unique and versatile and he just has buckets of charisma when he's on stage. he has a LOT of very endearing behaviours and quirks but also, like. he's a very comforting person to me? especially in gose/inse/behind videos, and i guess in a way that's because i kinda see parts of myself in him (and they're not always things that i like about myself, but i adore them in him, so it's healing to recognise those things in a positive light in a way i can't really describe?). i don't know. he kinda just makes me want to be a little kinder to myself, you know?

second came dk 🥲 that man hit me like a TRAIN. after a few days of listening/watching and searching them up on ig my explore page was just entirely seventeen reels. december 2022 was the end of the us leg of the FTS tour which meant only one thing. peak numero uno dk. the state of my dms with my friend around that time was... tragic. genuinely so embarrassing, i can't even read them back. it was SO BAD. i couldn't come to terms with how fine but also how crazy talented and kind and loving he was all at once. he's my sunshine!!!!! i've always thought he has just the most incredible, beautiful soul. the pretty smile was a nice touch too :(

woozi came third and it was around the time of caratland 2023/pre fml era. i always had a real soft spot for him because of how hard he works and again, just how incredibly talented he is. i think partly seeing him get so emotional singing circles (which i'd already established as one of my ultimate comfort songs) and showing that real raw vulnerability on such a big stage made that soft spot more of a soft all over rash. the straw that broke the camel's back though was that brief era on weverse where he was growing his hair out and super active posting selfies all the time. just as i'd accepted him formally into my bias line the fucking. vogue cover happened. and truthfully i never recovered.

last but by no means least, was my little dinito. this formally happened early-ish during the follow tour (idubily changed me as a person) but it was frankly a long time coming. i think i spent a good 6 months in denial. there was an entire crisis period where i kept asking myself why i kept getting roped in by aquarius men and also where i'd told myself i couldn't bias him too because then i was looking at almost a third of the group and that was ridiculous. so naturally i went down a rabbit-hole of fancams and dino laughter compliations and i decided that i'd blow up the world just to keep him warm! one day i was doing great (a lie) and the next chan was carrying his couch into my mind and settling in to live there rent fucking free !

this was so much fun to think about, i don't think i've ever put this down into words like this before!! thank u for the amazing question, i love reliving my cringe baby carat days and remembering the excitement of wading through all the members and finding out new things about them all :(

[wereonlydollparts]

Hey hey!! 🎁

It's your fairy God santa here! I dont really know what to say so let's just do a little question round so I can find out a bit more about you 🩷🤍

Are there any musicians you are currently obsessed with? (Feel free to nerd out about them!!)

Are there any concerts or festivals you're looking forward to?

Any other recent obssesions? (e.g. games, movies, books, ...)

Got all presents for the holidays? (in case you celebrate)

Anyway I'm a bit tired so this might not be the best first santa impression. But once I get to know ya a bit ill make sure to spice it up!

Hop you have. a lovely day/night! 🩷🤍

(Please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes)

- Your fairy God santa 🎅✨️

Ahhhhhh ok wait that is the sweetest message ever?🥺💕

Thank you so so much for taking your time to write me this message~♡

I hope you had a great start into December so far×

And in regards to your questions...

My biggest love when it comes to music had for the past like 17 years been Kurt Cobain. I feel like it's an unhealthy obsession, but considering I'm a smoker he isn't necessarily the unhealthiest habit of mine. In regards to grunge i also love Layne Staley! What can I say... im a sucker for blue eyes, dirty blond hair and an aura of sadness.

And besides these two I ofc need the British answer to grunge and I can't express how much this britpop revival actually means to me. For years the running joke in my friend group was that all the artists/bands I like are either broken up, dead or dying

If i had a nickel for everytime I bought tickets to a show only for the artist to die before the show; I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

Anyway! Back to fun things! I can't believe Oasis are back and just the british indie revival in general ahhh

Besides the grunge guys I've also had a huge crush on Liam Gallagher and Damon Albarn since I was a teen as well (something about sad blue eyes yadayada)...

But perfect to answer the upcoming concert question! Technically the next concerts I'm going to are from local bands~ me and my friends have a group where we occasionally organize shows. The next one will be with some local Sludge, Doom and Post Metal bands so that's coming up. Other than that... a 2 day punk festival next weekend (with the same group but not organizing). And the first/next one i look super duper forward to are The Libertines~♡ in early 2025.

And man in regards to all the shows in 2025... I'm broke but I'm so happy hhaha

And for the last points speed round!

I'm Journaling and painting a lot, dusted off my keyboard and put new strings on my guitar! (I will as always just stick to playing bass i guess), organizing/planning my best friends Bachelorette party, cuddling the cats and my bf, playing switch and falling asleep after 5 minutes, waiting to hear back for a cool job at a TV station, law exams and procrastinating law stuff (i have a law degree and am currently working on my other bar and a master in criminal sciences so lawschool and Kurt Cobain have been the biggest constant for the past 9 years lol)

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST! Baking cookies with my mom~

Ahhhh ok well now it's your turn!😤💕

Excuse the word vomit

[adultswim2021]

VACATION

Oh, hello there. Oh, this? I'm just using this online shopping website to look at some birthday cards online. You see, it is my birthday on Thursday, and it's one of the ones where the number has a zero at the end of it, and I'm looking for the perfect card that I can demand my family and friends all buy for me, so I can have "one happening birthday". Finally!

I've taken some time off work, and I'm more-or-less going to dedicate the weekend to taking a couple of day trips and doing some other things I've put off for a while. And, I just realized, this would be much easier if I didn't have to worry about updating this while doing all that. So, I'm taking this week off, effective last night when I was GONNA do a post, but then I realized I didn't have all of my research materials handy, and it took all night to get those things downloaded, and then it was late, and also I wanted to watch seven episodes of "Tanner '88" instead.

So this is my announcement of my intent to not post, probably until next Monday. Some of you might say "that sucks dick", but it's a dick that we all have to suck.

So here's a big Mail Bag post:

In reference to my pondering about Marc Summer's absence in a Robot Chicken sketch about Double Dare:

apparently they did get marc summers for some later episode. i know this because i watched him interview tim heidecker on some webshow/podcast he has and i remember him bragging that he'd been on robot chicken and asking tim if he ever had, and tim kinda going "uhhh, no, i don't think so" lol

LOL. Tim & Eric couldn't be more at odds with Robot Chicken. I am going to guess that when they were younger and much more "punk rock" they probably shit talked them when being interviewed for cool magazines like Time or Zillions.

One time my job hired a guy with whom I had maybe one of the worst personality clashes I ever had (I am a demon from hell and I have zero ability to not show it when I'm annoyed or angry with somebody, sorry to that guy I wish I weren't like this okay), and he got it out of me that I liked Adult Swim and he immediately tried to talk to me about Robot Chicken, and I was like "I don't really watch that show" and he immediately asked "don't tell me you like that Tim & Eric crap!"

whats your favorite thing you bought at a second hand store to make yourself not look like a looky loo

I have a B&W video monitor I bought at a garage sale. It's beautiful, very flipable, but I paid 5 bucks for it and like how it looks. VHS tapes actually look amazing on it. I wanna figure out a way to rig it up with some kind of raspberry pi machine that just loops old cartoons on it or something.

did you do something to the banner? it seems more...expansive.

I tried to get it to display more "properly" because it bothered me how pixelated it looked but I think I sorta fucked it up. I tried to change it back but tumblr's edit feature sucks. I guess I should just do an AI upscale or something. But yes I shittily drew on it to make it look wider, you caught me.

Me love the way you walk sometimes The way you talk is so hot Now you know let’s have a shot of rum Then me can make you come With me to the ocean That would be phat You can be my bow cat Nice ital breeze Bring you to your knees We're jammin'

punani likers everywhere, this one is for us

That's Shenmue 3, dipshit

Dang it, you are right.

Brownies was probably the best episode they did that season and I was surprised they weren't willing to do that style of show for the entire series. It seemed more like what Adult Swim wanted from them?

Something for "da" stoners... as a weed-taker myself., I would have to agree!

When was the last time you POGGED off?

What bitch?

Lol I was being silly telling a stupid joke. Chapotraphouse has the ice cream as his sound bite now.

I tell you this guys, I had a weird dream that Toonami Tom said he would sponsor me I'd have to sell out and let him hold the Adult Swim 2021 brand. And I'd have to suck his dick. It was a disgusting dream. No Tom, I would never do that in real life.

[intricatefantasy]

March 8, 2023

The 8th of March has always been a significant date to me because it’s my mother’s birthday. When Tim told me months ago that he was getting us concert tickets for a show on March 8th, my response immediately was that it was my mom’s birthday. Luckily, I scheduled around it by having taken my mom to a birthday brunch this past Saturday, and it turns out, my dad took her on a surprise trip for her birthday anyway. 

I had slept at Tim’s on Tuesday night since we were planning on leaving to Berkeley right after I finished work on Wednesday. I wanted to sleep at his place after the concert again because of the convenience of it post late night transit back to the city. I just didn’t want to lug my things into work, so bringing all my things over Tuesday night helped work our way around that. 

He picked me up after work, and then we went to Philz coffee so I could caffeinate once more ahead of a night out. We took Bart to Downtown Berkeley, and took a walk around the UC campus to enjoy our last bit of sunlight for the next seven days. Northern California is undergoing another atmospheric river this weekend, and it’s projected to rain for a week straight. Both Tim and I are the happiest when we get to be outdoors, so we tried to make the most of the sunshine that greeted us in the East Bay. 

I did have a bit of a temper and was grumpy for a moment in our walk, only to realize later it’s because I was HANGRY. My mood quickly shifted once our food was served at the restaurant we ate in after the walk. We had dinner at a place next to the venue of the concert we were going to watch. The place was called Imm Thai Street Food. I ordered fried tofu, and a soup called Su Kho Thai, but without the noodles of course. Tim got the fried pumpkin and a bowl of tom kha tofu. It was absolutely delicious, and I wouldn’t mind eating there again if I happen to be in the area once more. 

When we finished dinner, it was around 6:30. The doors of the concert venue opened at 7PM, and neither of us like being that early to a concert. We wound up browsing Goodwill and Half Price Books, and then when we both were bored, we decided to just get in line at the venue. I hadn’t watched a concert at the UC Theatre yet, but Tim had a plan to get there early, secure a table, and hang there during the opening band before migrating to the floor when Ottoboke Beaver, the headliner, began their performance.

Gaile and Chris made the drive over from Petaluma and met us at the concert venue. It was a surprise when we mentioned the show to Chris, and he knew the artist and expressed so much excitement at the chance to see them with us. It’s so great that my best friend’s husband and my boyfriend get along really well - Gaile and I couldn’t have planned for this connection to be any more natural. Gaile & Chris wanted to stay seated throughout the concert, but Tim and I made it down to the floor for half of Ottoboke’s performance.

There’s no better way of observing a concert than being inside the crowd, joining the massive throng of bodies just pulsating to the music. And really - are you at a punk show if you aren’t screaming and jumping up and down? My favorite part of any concert is being able to just close my eyes, feel the sound radiate through my body, and lose myself in that perfect moment - lights flashing, body just giving in to the rhythm. It’s such a joy to bask in the art with the community of people who love the music just as much as you do. 

I ran into Nolan, Sarah, and Kai at the show as well. There’s always some kind of understanding when you see people you know at a concert of a smaller artist. It’s like this mutual acknowledgement of taste. Running into friends at shows just confirms my own bias that my friends are all pretty damn cool. 

It was an incredible show, and I left still buzzing. We hung around Berkeley for a half hour after the concert, just chatting with everyone. And as always on every fun night out, I didn’t take any pictures. Instead, just have this one photo outside of the UC Theatre that I remembered to snap as we were walking away after the concert.

We just took Bart back home after, but I was still buzzing from the concert, and even if we got back home around 11:15 PM, there was no way I was falling asleep. Tim and I sat up talking about our future goals and dreams, and what we envisioned for ourselves in the next couple of years. And after that... well, lets just say I am currently having the best sex of my life. What a way to end the night!

[samuclit]

Love Foolish

miya atsumu x reader

tags: angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, mature, a little smut (define little on your own), 7.8K words

Summary: Miya Atsumu didn't realise that he was actually counting the days he spent with you while being your boyfriend. The step-process to how your relationship with him rekindles every time a new day begins was not as apparent as it seems to be, but he sure knew that the dreaded day when it comes to an end will never come.

This is an old piece that I worked on last year...I am terribly sorry for the way I post this fic I am not good with tumblr yall this is harder than my degree 

........................

Day 153

Atsumu was exhausted. He just got back from training with the college team for a few weeks already. He needs to catch up with the college team even though the time he spent away was used for his training with the MSBY Black Jackals team. He was advised by his family members, team coach and his friends that he should not miss out on any practice without a valid reason and should diligently claim his spot on both teams with the most outstanding effort and attitude so he followed, believed that this is for the best in order to build his volleyball career he was always so passionate about since he was in middle school. If only Osamu joins him, he thinks it won’t be as draining as it is right now.

Everyone in college knows Miya Atsumu, he is too perfect. The handsome look, tall and built figure, his diligence in both studies and shaping his career, to top it all off he is charming and is a ladies’ man. He could make every girl fall for him the instant he flashes his smirk that has been scientifically proven to be a bait for everyone in this universe. One small talk he could get girls on his bed, spending the whole night snogging off each other and leaving them whenever he got annoyed with the sudden disturbance. You happen to be one of the girls who got in his bed, goes on several dates with him, but this time you were one of the people who last longer than a week, and then a month and few more months after that. He assumes and waits for you to be the one ending the relationship but it won’t even come, and he is already tired of waiting.

So, he makes you tired. He doesn't want anything to be on his way at all, and you in the equation is making him disturbed at some times. During the first few weeks of dating, you often invite him for a date at the coffee shop which he obliges only for the reason to not break your feelings even though he has some tasks which are more important at hand. You are nice, but he isn’t. He told Suna that you deserve better. 

It has also been roughly two weeks since he last talked to you, and deep in his heart he kind of wants your nagging presence around him, just to distract him from the truckload of stress he’s carrying on his shoulders. So he texted you.

You: [Name], are ya coming or not. Been thinking of binging that Netflix series you’ve been babbling about.

[Name]: Ah sorry, it’s girls’ night with Midori and her gf. 

You: I see. Have fun. 

Seen.

That’s weird. You said it yourself that you wanted to binge on the weekends with him, after he finished with this practice for the week, and also he thinks that’s just you trying to make up with him after your first argument with him. It is...nobody’s fault, he thinks. He doesn’t want to blame himself and you, partially because you were really upset that day that you raised your voice and he didn’t chase you after you ran out of the apartment. It is just a silly argument. He doesn't want to think about it that much. 

As he took a shower and dressed himself in a fresh new pair of t-shirt and black sweatpants, he plopped himself on the sofa and went through Netflix to find something worth watching. He saw the show you wanted to watch ; Pretty Little Liars. Ah it’s not even a Netflix series, it’s just a series which is available on Netflix. Seems like he wasn’t even attentive to what you said. 

Before he falls asleep, he walks down the memory lane, to remember how exactly you and Atsumu could last this long in a relationship.

Day 0

The party seems to be a hit! His seniors on the volleyball team joined hands with the football team to conduct a party to celebrate post-sports festival of Tokyo U that happened for a week long and the party is held at the dorms outside of the campus so the board of education won’t meddle, with the promise that there aren’t drugs involved. Which is okay, the athletes are supposed to stay away from drugs and they’re disciplined enough to consider their life decisions. 

He was simply just hanging around in the living room of the dorm, which is a terrace house in a neighbourhood a few kilometres away, talking to his friends, Suna and Komori, who are his teammates in the college team. Komori used to go to the same Youth Camp with Atsumu so they knew each other since then. “Huh, sick party. I didn’t think there would be too many people here.” Komori said as he chugs down his cold beer, swaying a little after he finishes with a slightly long chug. “Senpai said just the athletes of the college are invited, but it seems like the whole campus crashed together. Lunatics.” Atsumu said as he plopped down on the bean bag and leaned his head back. Suna calls out.

“Oi, Midori is here. I invited her.” Atsumu is familiar with Midori, he has never been close with her but he knows of her since they went to the same high school together. The three pairs of eyes went towards the door together to greet Midori, with you tailing behind her. “Hey, glad ya made it!” Suna lunges forward and grabs Midori in a hug. “Yeah, cool place, I’m sorry I don’t have a plus one to bring with so I just drag my friend along. Hey, this is [Name]. Go say hi and be friends!” Midori pushed the other girl, which he heard to be [Name], also a familiar name. “Oh wait...you guys must have not have known about her...we went to the same school man...” Midori pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. It is sad that not many people know about small girls like [Name] that much. 

Indeed, you went to the same school and you’re in a completely different league than Atsumu, he was and still is the famous athlete that has the entire girls’ population wrapped around his fingers. You’re around the circle of...top scorers who are active in volunteers and some other stuff Atsumu was not into. “Oh, is she another one of your hockey teammates?” you continue hiding behind Midori’s taller frame. Midori pulled you away and hugged your waist, giving support. “Come on now, babe say hi, they’re our friends” you glared at her with a smug look. “Hye, it’s [Name]. I’m not an athlete, I’m a political science major, pleasure to meet ya” your eyes tried to glance from Suna to Komori and to Atsumu but you averted your eyes away from him as soon as it landed on him. You look cute in just a rock concert t-shirt with black jeans shorts and plain converse. Classic party look, but you are not the type to go to parties because...assignments and stress are getting through you  which explains why you’re all fidgety. Midori knows there’s more to that, cause you’re a very wild extrovert at some time.

“Hey, enjoy the party, drinks and snacks are down there, the toilet is on another end, help yerself.” Atsumu pats on your shoulder and moves past you to greet his other friends who crashed the party. You’re petrified, to say the least and moved quick on your heels to head to the bathroom for some reality check. The environment is overwhelming. 

Atsumu gets tired easily even after downing a can of beer but he isn’t exactly drunk. He is just tired with the lots of conversations and the girls from other courses trying to talk to him, wanting the conversation in a bedroom which he said no to, he is a responsible man. He is not going to do it with them when in their drunken stupor. However, his endless denials are stopped with a sudden disturbance right in front of him.

Midori is on a couch, with a girl and was playing with her hair and occasionally rubbing her thigh and before they closed in someone threw a beer cup at Midori. “What the hell? Leave me alone!” Midori turned his body to see a bulked up guy whose name Atsumu doesn’t remember behind the couch, looming over the two figures sitting on the couch. It’s going to get ugly. 

“What the fuck, you leave us alone! Why the hell are homos here. Get out!”  Midori and the poor girl trembles in fear and Atsumu wants to blow a kick so bad but he can’t move because of the girls that are around him. Before he tried to push the girls away, he saw you moving towards him, taking away the beer can he has in his hands. “I’m sorry I’m taking this!” Your eyes had a small fire ignited in it and he can’t help but gave away his beer can, and then he saw you walking up on the couch and on to the head rest, spit into the beer and pours the beer all over the homophobic guy who slandered your friend. The guy was drenched and screamed because the beer was icy cold and it came to contact with his skin that got heated from way too much alcohol consumed. 

“Oh, I am very sorry, I was convinced that this big hunk of muscle is a trash can!” you screamed with an evil laughter and the whole party laughed and cackled at the sight of the giant asshole from Engineering talking shit about the woman adored by the majority of campus. Midori is your best friend, a very kind, beautiful  and valid lesbian friend of yours. You would do anything to protect her from the touch of homophobic devils that would insult her every now and then. It has been happening more recently after she got out of the closet, even when she was inside all this time, you have always given her tons of support and protection because it’s just something about you. Midori was already smiling and got herself up away from the sofa with the girl she was with, hands holding hers tightly. 

“You punk! Are ya crazy? Do ya want me to kill ya like I kill your friend here?” your figure who had one leg propped on the head rest while the other on the couch went tense and is about to fall and the nasty asshole grabbed you by the neck, having you lifted in the air and no one helped to stand against him except Midori who was pulling your body before the guy fully grasped your entire neck in his hands. Before he even pressed harder on your throat, Atsumu landed a punch on his face, making himself knocked down on the floor. You already fell flat on the couch, trying to regain your breath. He warns the guy off and he immediately leaves after. 

“Shit shit, are you okay?” Atsumu kneels on the floor to check up on you, who were lying on the couch, still coughing out and trying to calm down. Midori ran to get some water for you. “I’m fine, fine, where's Midori? Is she okay?” Midori hit you in the arm. “Idiot. I am fine but look at you, I told you I’m alright, if you give them attention and piss them off they will harm you, look what happened.” Midori cries and hugs you. Atsumu checked up on your face, saw tiny drops on the edge of your eye which got wiped away the instant Midori wrapped her arms around you. “I told you  I will always protect you okay, I promised you that” Midori looked at your face again and was still sobbing. She turns towards Atsumu who stood by them. Suna and Komori arrived in the space after making sure the guys had run off. The party went back to normal and it’s chaos again. 

“Thank you, Atsumu, if it weren’t for you, I don’t know what would happen to the both of us.” The girl from before is rubbing her hands on Midori’s back trying to calm her down. “No, [Name] did the most fight, I only come in when it gets physical. I let ya know when I see that guy again I am going to beat the living shit out of him. Nasty jackass.” Atsumu’s rage calms down when he sees you and Midori laugh, finally he makes a safe space for you and her. After some minutes of calming down and talking and giggling Midori takes the cue to leave. “I think I need to go now, need to take some air, you should, too, babe. Love you” Midori hugged and left with the girl she was with the entire time during the party.

Atsumu has long left you and Midori alone when you were busy talking to her, so he goes away somewhere to talk with some of the boys from the football club. They heard something about how that guy is a maniac and has been expressing his hate crimes for several years now, basically a loser and Atsumu thinks his sucker punch is something he could take pride in. After he saw Midori take off with the girl he saw you heading towards the door that linked to the backyard. More people were there, some were laying on the ground doing some unnecessarily lewd stuff that Atsumu does not want to remember.

He saw you taking a seat on one of the stools that was set up for guests to sit. He brought a can of beer, intended to give you. As he approaches you were rubbing around the area on your throat which the bully from before had pressed on. You were still in pain. “Hey, needa drink?” Atsumu hands over the beer while he sits down on the stool next to you. “Ah, I’m sorry I don’t...drink around guys. Trust issues.” Atsumu furrowed his eyebrows and he finally got what you were trying to say. “Oh, I totally get it, I’m sorry.” You were a flustered mess. You didn’t intend to actually...reject a kind offer from him but it’s a strange new place and strange new environment, though you knew Atsumu from high school to be quite a decent person that you– “[Name]? Are ya okay? Ya were about to say something earlier?” “Oh, yeah. You don’t have to apologise, we can just go for drinks some other times'' you let out a small laugh and he smiles. Awkward.

“Ya don’t have to worry about that guy, I heard someone is going to report him to the dean. He’ll be out in no time” you smirked. “Good! Midori must be happy”. The both of you laughed and the  conversation continued randomly, topics about his volleyball activities and you popping in some random thoughts about life to him, it makes him feel weird at first but he picks up after quite some time.

And the night goes with you spending your night with him on his small bed in the apartment he shared with his other friends. Kisses are littered all over your body and Atsumu leads you through your first intimate session with so much ease and gentleness. He left an especially passionate kiss on the neck that tells the stories of your fight and trauma, hoping that he could kiss it away and replace it with the memories of your first. “Are ya really sure about this?” Atsumu asked at one point when you were making out with him on his lap just right after he got you in his room. “Please, do what you want” and Atsumu continues to ravish you and pulls on every article that trapped your beautiful untouched body. 

The morning he woke up, you were sleeping soundly, despite the uncovered chest you had on display cause you fell asleep after the second round of fucking you had no chance to clean up or put on a shirt. The messy hair and arousing look you had on aside, you look too peaceful to be on someone’s bed, someone who you have known for a long time but have only gotten close from an impromptu encounter so Atsumu threw the plans of getting out of bed aside and continues watching the small details on your face. He would pick up the falling strands of your hair and tucks it behind your ear, trailing his fingers on the swollen lips you had after making out with him the entire night. He enjoys your presence. He likes it, being with you, so this is all worth it. 

As your eyes fluttered open, squinting because of the bright sun, which was now covered by Atsumu’s hands to help you get back to sleep without the disturbance. You woke up anyway. “Atsumu, what are ya doing?” you asked, trying to pull the blanket that barely covers your naked front. “Just letting a princess continue her peaceful sleep” you were blushing, it feels like a dream to wake up with Atsumu next to you, so you lean into him more and he tackles you under the sheets. As Atsumu closes in again, about to kiss you like he did the previous night before, your eyes widened and you pushed him away, rolling out of bed naked. You pulled the blanket to cover yourself and scrammed to find your underwear and outfit from last night. “Fuck, fuck I’m late shit I gotta go” you were clasping your bra and putting on your underwear as you continue with your series of cuss words picked up at random. “What’s going on are you okay? Was it–“ you put on your jean shorts and looked at him. “No-no I’m late to a group discussion and I am going to die I think.” You already had your phone in hand with your bag in hand running to the door. Atsumu put on his sweatshirt and training shorts in a haste, offering to give you a ride. 

“Hey, I can help ya get to yer spot with my car. Don’t have ta rush'' you gaped and mumbles thousands of gratefulness and lunges forward to hug but stopped yourself. In the car you were on a phone call with one of the people in your group and you immediately spilled the idea you had in mind in a heartbeat. Atsumu has been driving nowhere so he stops and parked his car at the parking space of the nearby McDonald’s. After several arguments and reasons to have your opinion accepted you finally heaved a relief and ended the call with another apology. 

“Yer quite a persistent one aren’tcha?” you looked at him, face messy, unclean and tired. The post-sex glow seems to not work with everyone. “Yeah, there’s an event and I’m in charge. I was so caught-off guard. Pretty sure they will kick me out if they don’t accept my idea but guess not!” you laughed and smiled gleefully. Pure satisfaction whenever people acknowledge us. Atsumu understood that much. “So...since you don’t have to go...breakfast?” Atsumu points his thumb to the back of the car, which was the entrance to the McDonald’s. “No...I stink so much...but I am hungry so....drive-thru?” Atsumu smiles and puts down the handbrake. “Sure thing, princess”.

After you both got your respective breakfast meal set, Atsumu takes off to the lake and brought you together with him to eat on the benches. Atsumu enjoys the company as much as you did. What starts off with a random conversation of how the duck is limping, to talking about the fluffiness of the poodle someone took for a walk turns into a conversation about each others’ personal lives.

“If anything, virginity is a social construct to put down women, so if you think last night is fun just because of that, I am going to berate your entire existence” you warn him, mouth full with the breakfast muffin. “Sure, what’s fun about last night is that you’re hot and I like you.” Atsumu closes in, trying to make you feel more flustered. “You...like me?” you were blushing and he guessed that his classic method works. “Can say that, I don’t usually have breakfast with people I sleep with, so I think that’s how I know.” You scoffed as his smug smile grew wider. “Oh you’re quite a cheesy one. So, this isn’t just a one time thing?” you looked over to him. He said no and continued kissing you like he meant it. 

Days after that, the dates are frequent, spending the night in his apartment is a routine, watching movies is a norm and the intimate sessions get more interesting for the past few months, he thinks he needs to tell you all about his fantasy and you told him yours and both wishes are fulfilled.

Day 150

Atsumu woke up from the nap, the movie was already finished by then. He reached for his phone which was ringing non-stop. He's going to puke his brains out. Midori was the one calling him. There are around 7 missed calls coming from Midori.

“Oi pisshead, your girlfriend’s drunk. Come and pick her up.” Atsumu looks at the time

10.50

“Didn’t last that long?” Atsumu giggles. Midori snapped. 

“I’m being serious. She gets crazier now you need to pack her up. I can’t because my girlfriend is as shit-faced drunk right now.” Midori starts to call out your name to get off the table. Whatever that happened it must have been really shitty what’s going on down there at the bar.

“Okay, just text me the address I’m on my way” Atsumu took his wallet and car keys with him, all fresh to fetch your drunk ass home. 

As soon as he arrived he stormed to the booth which you and Midori sat at. You were already lying down on the couch, fast asleep and giggling as you sleep. “Okay you’re here. I’m going home with my girlfriend so you take care of her properly.” Midori sat herself at the couch you were sleeping on. “[Name].....I’m going now so take care okay! Love you goodnight!” you were whining so loudly at her. “Nooooo....Midoriiiii-chan I am going to miss you don’t leave me” you were pouting and whining and hug Midori to prevent her from going. Atsumu stood at the side watching the mess unfold. “Your boyfriend is here to pick you up! Goodbye!” Midori dragged her girlfriend away and got out of the bar.

“Midori’s good at lying. There’s no way my boyfriend cares ‘bout me” Atsumu covers his face in shame because the other customers at the bar are looking at you. “Who are ya...are you a stranger? Can I call you Mr Stranger? You look handsome.” You giggled and Atsumu laughed at your cuteness. This is certainly a new side to you, he has never seen you turn into a giant ball of fluff before. “Okay now cmon Miss [Name] let’s get ya home.” Atsumu swooped your legs in his right hand while the other supported the small back of your body. Your eyes are still squinting which must be the reason why you can’t recognise Atsumu yet. 

“I miss my boyfriend Mr Stranger. I want to see him...please take me to see him pleassseeeee.” You buried your face in his chest and held on to the cotton string of his hoodie. “Oh yeah? Is he really that handsome?” he puts you in the passenger seat and buckles your seatbelt. “He is! His hair colour is a bit funny, Midori said it makes it look like he bathed in piss” Atsumu got that too many times already. “But in my very personal point of view, it is kind of biased, he rocks that look. He looks hot!” Atsumu blushed and proceeded to head to the driver’s seat. It’s you and your habit of expressing too many opinions again. He liked this one. He also misses your constants chit chat after a whole month of not talking to each other because of a petty argument. He admits that he misses you so much, but a jerk like him won’t admit it. He’s going to break up with you anyway.

As he continues driving he would listen to what you said about ‘your boyfriend’ and he would sometimes smirks and whispers an ‘I know’ and sometimes it is too loud you caught him in the act. The night drive seems fun with you, and he figures you are still too drunk and even with too much talking your body stays the same. You fell asleep at some point, when he is close to the apartment you resided in. He found out after quite some time that Midori moved into her girlfriend’s apartment so now you live alone. 

Even after he arrives at the apartment complex he lets you take some time to sleep, and as time passes by and it’s getting later into the night, he shakes your shoulder to wake you up. 

“Hey, [Name], we’re here.” Atsumu smiles as you yawn and stretches your limbs.

“Mr Stranger? I have a secret. Can I tell you...I’m afraid to tell anyone.” You said after some time. Atsumu had no idea what to do. So he just played along. “Yeah, I promise I will keep it.” Atsumu laughs and looks at you. 

“I think my boyfriend doesn’t love me. I kind of got the gist of it for a long time...but...now I am convinced. I think...the next time I see him, will be the last time I see him. And I–I don’t wanna” you cried immediately, you were sobbing too hard and you covered your face with the both of your palms. Atsumu is shattered especially, what you said was true. He might break it off when time comes, but seeing your heart broken and giving up the usual happy and chaotic smile and laughter you had because of the thought of breaking up with him, he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. So he asked further. He needs to know more, he needs to know why. Why do you catch up to what he was thinking so fast? 

“W-why is it?” Atsumu choked on his breath. His heart was thumping so loudly, and it was beating off the charts. “He seems to not want me around...I tried my best to give him space, time for himself  but....he never wants a time wimme....and then...I-he-he don’t want to see me even when he is free”. You continue crying in the silent car, Atsumu wanted to reach your hands but he knew that would be such an asshole thing to do since he is the one causing this mess. Atsumu got out of the car and opened the door from your seat. “Hey hey let’s get you to your apartment okay?” Atsumu unbuckled the seat belt and you kept on crying, you pulled on his sweater and gripped it so tightly and wailed like a baby into his chest. He sighed and embraced you in a tight hug, calmly rubbing the small of your back trying to calm you down. 

After quite some time only the sniffles could be heard. You start talking again. “You know...I’d rather see him happy even if it means I need to break up with him. Ah I’m so dramatic for no reason. Can you help...carry me to my apartment, Mr Stranger?” you pulled away from his hug, makeup ruined and eyes red. Atsumu smiled and nodded at you. “Of course, I’ll carry you.” He carried you in a manner when he hugs your tiny body to carry you to the bed during one of those nights he needed a release. This closeness to your warm body, and the earlier event that happened of you confessing to a complete stranger about him, he is regretting it. 

Day 125

Atsumu just got home from South Korea. He was there for a training camp with the home team there because one of his coach from the MSBY Black Jackals used his connections with an old friend to conduct a camp for them to further polish the players’ skill in the said sport. It would be a great chance for him to bloom more than how he is after his successful debut as a Div. 1 League player. 

He was simply relaxing around after two days and Osamu was cooking plenty of food for the gang. Osamu invited some friends of his, and Suna brought his girlfriend with him. Komori was there too, with his cousin. When Osamu asked if he was going to invite you, Atsumu shrugged and said no, he wants to relax without you around. Even if you are around you would never go that far to make him uncomfortable. He still hasn’t called you yet even when he landed in Tokyo two days before. 

“Atsumu, didn’t ya miss yer girlfriend? Just tell her to come over.” Osamu said from the kitchen, bringing a pot of stew he made for the gang and putting it on the table. “Nah, she didn’t even know I’m in Tokyo.” Everyone in the living room looks at him. “Miya you’re kinda an asshole for that” Komori said as he passed a bowl to Suna and his girlfriend. “Cmon now don’t look at me like I’m a criminal or sumn...I just want to relax I’ll tell her later.” Atsumu scoffed and leaned his back to the sofa as he was sitting on the carpet.

“Are you...joking. She came by practice the other day, said she can’t reach you.” Sakusa said as he put down his mask aside and dug in. Atsumu knew that. He purposely ignored your text and calls and only left a message when you’re offline or when he knows you were sleeping. He doesn't want distractions. “Yer a prick, [Name]’s really nice and ya can’t see that. If ya got issues just break up already.” Suna speaks and his girlfriend agrees. “Yeah for real, if Rintarou had issues I know he is going to leave my ass in the streets. But I’m glad he has no problems. As a woman I will honestly kick you in the ass, ya know, that woman with woman solidarity.” Suna kissed his girlfriend on the cheek and Atsumu scoffed. “I know, I just don’t know the right time yet.” Komori already mumbles a series of cuss words,  Osamu and Suna sigh and Suna pulls his girlfriend back from kicking Atsumu in the face. Sakusa heard a doorbell and reached for the door now to open.

“[Name]?” Sakusa screams in shock. Speaking of the witch. Well, you’re not a witch, you’re the sweetest person ever that happens to be Atsumu’s unlucky girlfriend. “Hey Sakusa-san! Nice to see you! I brought something!” you waltzed in the door and headed to the kitchen you’re already familiar with. Atsumu felt his guilt eating his insides. Who the fuck called you here? 

Komori puts his phone up so Atsumu can see. Komori smirks at him and Atsumu flashes out the middle finger to him. Sakusa mumbles and points at Atsumu, he said somewhere along the lines of you solve this on your own, Miya! 

Osamu headed to greet you first. “Hey Osamu, I brought some home made dorayaki for you and Atsumu. You guys love it right?” Osamu smiles and thanked you endlessly. You smiled but as you looked at the awkward little Atsumu behind Osamu you stopped smiling. He headed towards you and Osamu knows it’s his cue to leave the both of you in the kitchen.

“Hey, how’s South Korea?” Atsumu sat on the chair of the kitchen island. “Twas good. The food there, they’re amazing.” You hummed. “Glad you enjoyed it. Maybe I would know more if you actually answer my calls and texts about how busy you are and tell me when you arrived. But it seems like you don’t miss me that much.” You sighed. 

“[Name], I’m just...I’m sorry I need time for myself I’m so tired.” You looked at him, sad and gloom covering your whole body like the dark blue cardigan you had around you. “Tired of me or of practice?” you asked and reached for the tips of his fingers. “That’s–that’s not it, okay. Please give me some time.” Atsumu pleaded, you flinched when he suddenly glared at you. 

After some time, you released a deep breath and headed to the door. “Enjoy the dorayaki guys, I hope I don’t interrupt you guys. I’m sorry and please take care of Atsumu for me.” You opened the door and headed out. Atsumu is still in his seat. When the door was slammed he got up and sat himself back on the carpet around his friends. He picks up his chopsticks and pulls the omelette Osamu made. Everyone was staring at him.

“Eat your food and stop staring at me.” Atsumu rolled his eyes and ate more food on the table. “Ya don’t even want to chase her?” Osamu asked from beside him. “Nope.” Komori scoffed. 

“Just want you to know she got here by bus alone. I don’t know if it helped change your mind.” Komori said and drank his cold lemon tea he poured for himself. Atsumu stopped chewing and clenched his jaw, looking at Komori.

“The one who ruined lunch is you, Atsumu.” Suna’s girlfriend said and Suna agreed. So does everyone else. 

You don’t leave a text to Atsumu to the day he picked you up from the bar. He only texted you because he wants to end the relationship.

Day 153

Atsumu still has you in his arms. You’re already asleep, face still drenched with tears. He struggled with the pin to your apartment but picks up after a while of thinking. It is his birthday. 

Atsumu realised he is a bigger asshole than how he was minutes ago in the car as he remembered that he had never come to your apartment. Months of relationship it was always his place as you always preferred his place over yours and he thinks that maybe if he was the one giving in more effort to be the one going all the way to your apartment to spend time with you, he would have felt  better about himself. Normal dates outside are very rare aside from lunch or a quick grab of coffee before classes because he was too busy with his practices and you with your duties as a political science student.

He carried you to what he assumed to be your bedroom, carefully putting your body on the bed, taking off the leather jacket you had with you, slowly dragging the thick comforter to cover your shivering body. After shuffling in the kitchen, looking to find some aspirin and a glass of water for you to gargle right after you woke up he put it on the desk at your bedside. 

He saw a picture of you and Midori on the table, during graduation day. Midori carried you on her back while you threw a peace sign with tongue out and Midori making a disgusted face. He laughs at it, putting it back to where it belongs, carefully. 

You had a lot of other pictures pasted on the wall, the one that faces you when you sit on your study table. The notes and thick books are messily arranged on the shelf, a succulent that says ‘Good Job!’ on the table standing cutely, possibly the one that kept you up during the late night study sessions. He never really checked up on you and your studies, how did you manage to be so strong on your own without a supportive boyfriend, he doesn't know. 

And then he saw the pictures you hung neatly. He took the pictures one by one and saw some notes you scribbled on the back of the photograph. 

First, a picture with your parents. You talked about them at some time because you’re their only daughter and you missed them as much as they missed you. One time when you were making out with Atsumu your parents called and you pushed him away to answer the phone call. So funny how you got so innocent and angel-like just right after doing some lewd stuff with Atsumu just with the voice of your parents on the phone. At the back of the picture, it wrote.

Secured the top-scorer title with a scholarship! Mommy and Daddy are proud of me and I will never stop!

The second picture is of you and Midori at a pride parade. This time you wore a white t-shirt with blue jeans and sneakers and you looked absolutely mesmerizing. 

Pride with Midori. I am so happy for her!!

Some other pictures of you at an animal shelter, old folks home, in the streets, caring for homeless people, women’s march and marathon for cancer awareness. You were basically everywhere and it is what makes him regret not finding out about this side of you. All he does is talk about his talent in volleyball and you always make him feel the best that he never gave a chance for you to talk about yourself. 

Atsumu can’t stop the stretch of his smile and it is making his jaw sore. He is so whipped for you. You have always been such a caring person to him, doing your best to take care of him when game losses make his sour mood make a nasty comeback. 

He would cry in a phone call because he messed up his set and you arrived in his room, dropping your bag to hug him and lull him back to sleep. He cries so hard and you would never make him cry worse than he did, you were always comforting but his pride and selfishness would forget that in a day because he thinks the relationship you had with him is a waste. 

Atsumu is a fool. He didn’t realise how much his confusion hurts you more than it hurts himself. He is such a fool for not being there to protect you. The thought of you crying minutes earlier makes him scream in his heart, he doesn't ever want to see it again. If he made that happen again he will never forgive himself and if he has to build a shrine and be a monk to make sure his sins are forgiven he would do it. He would do anything for you. 

The last picture hid him the hardest.

It was him, and you, during his debut game as MSBY Black Jackals setter. 

You had your body leaned into his arm, smiling wide with a bouquet of flowers for him in your hand. He was staring at the camera with a lazy smirk, hands encircling your waist. It was sweet, and you look very cute standing next to him, in his embrace like that. A sight so beautiful. It is a shame when he remembers what exactly happened that night.

It was a very joyful day for Atsumu and for you but Atsumu didn’t even tell you about the match, you were only informed of the game because of Komori so the ticket you got is because Osamu gave up his ticket for you. He is tired of seeing Atsumu play volleyball and he can see it on his phone if he wants so he just gave it to you, saying you deserve it better. Even when you’re not informed about the game, you still showed up in the cutest little dress with the cutest little smell and the cutest bouquet of baby breath flowers for him. 

Atsumu is not fond of flowers. He is not fond of surprises either. When you showed up on the court, congratulating him, he was shocked. He was busy talking to fangirls and kids who love volleyball until you call out his name with so much pride. 

“Atsumu aaaa I am so proud of you! You worked so hard for this and I am sorry I don’t know of this sooner.” You hugged him and pat his back when you hugged him. Eyes glistening as you pulled away. Said the cries are happy tears. You told one of the passers-by to take a picture of you and Atsumu, resulting in the small piece of photography in his hand.

Later that night he went with his team and celebrated the debut together with them while you took off to your apartment, barely making it to the last bus of the night to get there safely, wishing you were with Atsumu in his car instead.

He turned the picture over. There is a long note there.

Might be the first ever picture with Atsumu, like ever. Nonetheless I am so happy and so proud of him it made my jaw hurt so much as I write this. I can’t stop smiling!!! I hope I can attend more of his games, more to his success, more time with him. I feel like I am the happiest person alive! I feel like one of the fantasy film protagonists where the person they have loved for a long time is within their arms, finally! I am so happy to have known Atsumu since the beginning days of school, how his charming and cunning personality, inspiring and charismatic figure would walk down the hallways of Inarizaki, I will always fall for him over and over again. I love him so much, and even if it takes a thousand years to wait for him I will always wait. Praying that this essay reaches the Gods because I love him too much, I don’t even want to let him go. I love Miya Atsumu, and I hope he feels the same thing too.

Atsumu pasted the picture back on the wall, turning off the study lamp and closing the door as he walked out. He sat on the couch in the living room, only having the kitchen light to illuminate the entire apartment. As he sat there, tears rolled off his eyes and loud sobs spilled out of his mouth. 

He realised he is such a foolish man, living in a complete lie with an angel from heaven taking care of him despite getting paid dust in return. He cried so hard he took the pillow next to him and cried himself to sleep. 

Day 154

If it is not for the bubbling and disturbing feeling in your stomach, you wouldn’t have gotten up and run to the bathroom to puke your guts out, but here you are. Smelling so stinky you just take a shower along the way. Fresh out of the shower in clean new clothes you saw a tall glass of water with your birth control pills right beside it. After downing the glass of water you headed to the kitchen to grab an aspirin to calm down the throbbing pain of your chest.

What you found instead is the sight of Atsumu, wearing an apron on top of his white t-shirt. It has been way too long since you have last seen him, and you didn’t expect to encounter him in your apartment, let alone him in the kitchen, preparing a breakfast for two. “Atsumu! What are you doing here!” you screamed audibly to him and got to the table to see a tray of rice and a bowl of soup on the table. 

“Ah, ya woke up earlier than I thought ya would, was intending to make breakfast on bed like in that one cheesy film you love so much.” You blushed. You headed to the cupboard and popped the aspirin into your mouth with the assistance of the barley tea Atsumu prepared for you. 

As you sat down awkwardly, he pulled out the rice bowl and put the tray in the sink and scooped another bowl of rice and soup for himself. He prepared a hearty meal for two, a miso soup to help you sober down and ease the gut after rounds of alcohol shots dumped in your body. 

Right, you were drunk last night. “So why are you here?” you asked after spooning out the final drop of the miso soup. “You remember nothing at all?” Atsumu asked. “Wait...so...Midori didn’t lie?” you asked again. Just realising that Midori already told you that your boyfriend was there. 

“Oh my god...how much did I say?” you pressed your palms on your face and dropped them to your lap. Atsumu smiles. 

“You said a lot! You said too much that it made me learn a lot.” Atsumu reaches your hands the moment it gets on to the table. He clasped it with care and so much gentleness even when his hand is calloused and rough from the intense training for so many days in a week. 

Atsumu sighs and hangs his head low. “I just realised that all this time, our relationship is one-sided” you gasped and the grip on his hands gets tighter. “I...took you for granted. I never gave you a comfort space to live in, a shoulder to cry on, and I have never...expressed my feelings for you.” You were trembling and Atsumu fully connected your fingers with his, interlacing it together hoping that neither of you will let it go.

“All this time you were always there for me, no matter what I was struggling with, no matter the time and place you would rush and hug me and tell me that it will be okay but I let you cry on your own whenever you deal with the same problem. I made a big mistake, and I swear to my life that I will make it up to you.” You got up from your seat and went to the sink along with your empty bowls. Atsumu got there too, hugging you from behind. 

“I am so sorry for being late, I love you. I love you so much that it hurts when I see you get hurt because of me.” Atsumu hugged you like he would make you dissolve in his body, it was so tight and warm and comforting it felt like home.

Miya Atsumu is your home. You are his home. And so he kisses your hair, your neck, your shoulders to make sure you won’t disappear before him, to tell you that what he said is true. 

You turned around. Holding his head in your hands.

“Atsumu, I love you too, and I missed you so much.” You smiled as the tears dropped, and Atsumu thinks this sight of yours hurts him as much as it makes his heart feel warm. It was a mixed feeling, but he knows that the perfect moment is right there, he holds your waist and your neck and kisses you on the lips with so much need and passion, to tell you that he loves you.

Your hands went to wrap itself on his neck, occasionally stopping by to run your hair through the blonde locks you love so much. He kisses in deeper and languid motion; it makes your head drowsy, worse than what the alcohol did to you but the sensation is nice. The alcohol was bitter and you hated it, this kiss tastes sweet and flavourful and you love it.

Atsumu continues while he carries you towards the bedroom he left you in alone last night, slowly putting your body on the messy bed who still has the scent of you from last night. It is supposed to gross you out but Atsumu is making it harder for you to breathe so nothing really matters, and Atsumu loves the scent as much as you love his oozing warmth that makes your eyes roll to the back of your head.

He continues peppering kisses along your entire body, just like the night when you first spent together. Shirts off, pants off, underwear off. There’s nothing in the way of the both of you in the intense love-making session. Atsumu loves the way his name rolls on your tongue as he nibbles addictively on your neck, your chest and your tummy that is filled with the food he made for you, the love he had in store from his heart is delivered into you with so much ease. He plans to deliver some more as his kisses turn more passionate as the clock ticks, tongue intermingles and liquid drooling out of each other’s hot mouth.

Atsumu is already so eager to get inside you but he always has to prioritise you before him so he asked you. “Can I-can I get on with it now?” he asked, trying to recollect his breath at the same time while he looks for a particular wrapper in the drawer of your bedside table. “It’s fine, Atsumu, I’m on birth control.” You smiled at him and he smiled back, caressing your cheeks, touching your lips and tucking your hair behind your cute ears he loved to kiss so much. “You know, you mistook the birth control pills for aspirin that’s why I rummaged through the whole cupboard to look for one.” You gave him a glare so cute he continues kissing you. “My bad, baby. Can I get in now?” He asked with a teasing little smirk displayed on his stupidly handsome face.

“Yes, you can Atsumu.” You kissed him on the cheeks and hugged his neck as he entered. Inches by inches you sucked him in and he would kiss your temple to make you feel better after the stretch. The time away clearly made a lot of changes between the two of you, and it all makes this event more admirable than the ones before, because of the heartfelt confession you shared with him in the morning. All he wants to do is kiss your body like it is the only thing in this world worth worshipping. You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened in his life anyway, and he would never regret anything in his life anymore.

After the both of you peaked, he released into you, stayed there for a few minutes and took it out after he finally made your deep furrowed eyebrows disappear. You finally relax after the soothing time with your dearest one and he plopped himself next to you. 

Atsumu opened his arms and you found him inside it, getting smooches here and there as he hugged you. He would play with your hair, draw stars on the naked back of yours, and you would draw circles on his chest as you listen to the small heart beat in him. 

His heart was beating because of you.

“Hey, that noise in there is because of ya.” Atsumu kissed you on the forehead. 

“Oh really, yer not special, Miya, listen to mine!” you said with a glare after hitting him playfully on his chest.

“Uhuh...can I kiss it? Like this?” Atsumu continues his attack on your chest and you laughed loudly as he starts skimming his fingers on your waist and your tummy. He was smiling and laughing into the attack. 

Atsumu thinks that even if it is true that he is a fool, at least he is a fool that is so foolishly in love with you. 

[bottomlouisficfest]

We hope you’ve enjoyed the third week of fics from the Bottom Louis Fic Fest! Every weekend, we’re compiling all of the fics from that week into one roundup post so they’re easy to find for anyone looking to catch up on fics they missed. Enjoy these amazing fics and give them the love they deserve!

Across the Grey, Salty Sea

A fic by thecheshirepussycat on AO3 | @the-cheshire-pussy-cat on Tumblr | Bee_With_Mee on Twitter

19k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 212: Alex from Dunkirk and French escort/prostitute Louis who ends up in Alex’s quarters more nights than not. Alex gives him his dog tag to wear maybe just a lot of smut and dirty talk with Louis being a pretty princess.

When Our Worlds They Fall Apart

A fic by edensrose on AO3 | @holdingthornsandroses on Tumblr | thetrashpigeon on Twitter

42k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry put his hand over his heart as if Louis had wounded him. “You’re so harsh, my liege! Perhaps you need to relieve some tension…” He let his voice trail off suggestively.

“The day I ask YOU to relieve tension is the day I lose all my wits and join the Imperials,” Louis said. “It will never happen.”

Written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2020- Prompt 325: Star Wars AU with Harry as Han Solo and Louis as Leia.

Thank you, five.

A fic by nouies on AO3 | @nouies on Tumblr | _nouies on Twitter

5k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Harry?” He says as soon as he recognises the other man.

���Louis? Wh-what are you doing here?” Harry asks with a frown.

“Well, I’m here for rehearsal,” Louis announces with a proud smile.

There’s a flash of confusion on Harry’s face. “What do you mean rehearsal? I got the part, you didn’t.”

~

Prompt 195: Hamilton AU

Know I Think You're Awesome, Right?

A fic by princesshalo on AO3 | @princesshalo on Tumblr | tpwkorra on Twitter

60k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Well, that’s not very Treat People With Kindness of you.”

“Neither is approaching someone with the sole intent of criticizing a cause they’re clearly passionate about, given the amount of time they’ve dedicated to advocating for it,” Louis snaps.

“Sure, but I’m not the one with the button,” Harry shrugs.

“So, is there actually something I can help you with, or did you just come to push me into pepper spraying you as well?” Louis is quickly growing impatient. Hell, he was impatient the moment that Harry made his grand entrance on campus yesterday.

“I’m just trying to assess the environment here,” Harry says, “Because if this is all you’ve got to offer trans people who just want to be able to use the bathroom in peace like the rest of us, then I’m not sure I fit in.”

“Allow me to save you the trouble, then: you don’t.”

~

Based on the prompt: a college AU where Louis is a hippie, very good vibes activist and Harry is a punk, anarchist that always gets involved in violent protests.

show you the stars in daylight

A fic by bruisedhoney on AO3 | @yvesaintlourent on Tumblr | bruisedhoney on Twitter

13k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis laughed, the sound loud and borderline obnoxious. Harry winced. “Are you kidding, Haz? I wouldn’t even look twice at someone that couldn’t pick me up.”

And, well. That was new information to Harry. It’s not like Louis had ever mentioned to him that he was his type in any way, shape, or form.  Harry shifted closer into the space between Louis’s legs, even more intrigued than before. “Why not?” he asked curiously, all pink lips and big curls. Louis smiled.

“Tiny, innocent, little Harold. Need someone that can pick me up, don’t I? I like being tossed around a little. You know, pinned down and made to take it. Lifted up like I’m nothing,” Louis said it all with a confident smile, his sharp little teeth tugging at his bottom lip as he locked eyes with the jock across the kitchen. “Think he might come over here. Move over. I don’t want him to think we’re together.”

Or, the one where Louis has a type and at sixteen and scrawy, it's definitely not his best friend's little brother Harry...ten years later, he changes his mind.

Freeway of Love (In a Pink Cadillac)

A fic by MsHydeStylinson on AO3 | @mizzhydes on Tumblr | MsHydeStylinson on Twitter

33k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Did you like them?” Louis asked in a seductive tone, propping his elbow against the armrest, chin resting against his fingers.

“I’m not going to answer that,” Harry informed, lips pressed in a hard line.

“I don’t think you have to,” Louis smirked nodding slightly towards his telltale bulge and watched as Harry reddened from his neck to his forehead in a flash.

”Please, I beg you to put that phone away,” Harry pleaded with a suffering expression plastered on his face.

“Please…” Harry whined.

Or,

Louis was on his way to Miami to visit an old friend. Harry was going there for a little R&R and take in the sights and sounds.  A sudden upgrade in seating brought these polar opposites together. The universe works in mysterious ways and they are unknowingly about to embark on an adventure they will surely remember for a lifetime.

Prompt 107: Sugar daddy AU inspired by this tweet: “going to sit next to the richest looking middle aged man on my flight and scroll through my nudes for three hours straight” with rich daddy Harry and bratty baby Louis.

Won't Keep You My (Dirty Little) Secret

A fic by lovelykits on AO3 | @lovelykits on Tumblr

16k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I got asked out today,” Louis comments.

“Okay,” Harry shifts.

“Did you hear me? I said I got asked out.”

"You always get asked out.”

“Yeah well this time they didn’t believe I had a boyfriend!”

Or Louis and Harry have been together since the end of last year and somehow no one knows about it.

A Place With Skeletons

A fic by whoknows on AO3 | @crazyupsetter on Tumblr

50k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I would choose anyone other than you,” Louis says, picking up his train of thought again. He feels a lot more cornered and defensive when they’re in Harry’s house, for some reason. It doesn’t really make sense, considering that this time, Louis was the one who couldn’t hack it any longer. He broke first. There’s something about being in Harry’s space, though, the green and earthy feeling of it. It should feel like open space with all the plants, but Louis has never felt more claustrophobic than he does when he’s here.

Harry’s chest moves against his back, a sharp intake of air. Before he can open his mouth to defend himself, Louis keeps going, “If I had a choice in any of this, I would have been saved by that elderly security guard over you. I wouldn’t mind having to have the occasional cuddle with her.”

--

View the other roundup posts here:

Week #1 Fic Roundup

Week #2 Fic Roundup

[dearest-bucky]

Put your head on my shoulder (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The team goes away on a weekend vacation. Things happen in the car ride and later. 

Words: 3.5K

Warnings: only tooth rooting fluff!!

A/n: Hello! Please read this! I know there are people who have read this fic before, it is because I have posted it before, but my old blogs are both deleted now permanently so I had to start (once again, sigh..) from the beginning. Please, if you want, like and reblog this even though you might have done it when I posted it the first time. I would be infinitely grateful.

Because of some privacy issues I’m not writing my old blogs’ urls here, but I’m sure a lot of people will recognize the fics I will start reposting here every day and will know who I am. Thank you so much for your kindness and support on my old blogs, I am hoping to receive the same here, <3

Originally posted: October 21, 2019

It was one of those very rare occasions where being an Avenger wasn’t taking your whole time, so most of the team decided to do something about it. Going on weekend trips with your team members wasn’t something new for you, but what made this time special though, was the presence of a certain blue eyed ex assassin who decided to take the chance for the first time and join the rest of you.

As per usual, you being yourself and always late, but as Tony Stark would put it “fashionably so”, you were running out of the elevator to meet the rest of your friends in the car so you could finally leave the compound.

Sam was leaning from the passenger’s seat to the steering wheel, pushing the horn non-stop, succeeding this way to only piss off Bucky who was sitting behind with Natasha and Wanda.

“Stop that asshole. I’m here.” You yelled at Sam, putting the bag of your clothes in the trunk of the car and moving to get inside.

“Freaking finally!” Came the annoyed reply of Sam who apparently was tired of waiting.

It was only 10 minutes, you could argue with him if he said something again, but luckily Steve got in the driver’s seat so The Falcon decided to shut up for the moment.

You took a look at the behind seat of the car, spotting Nat, Wanda and Bucky all sitting there, not very comfortable but you supposed it was okay. However, there was no place for you to sit.

“Get in y/n.”

“Yeah, we don’t have all day.” Came another complaining from the bird of the team and you could just give him the middle finger, but you were preoccupied thinking of where to actually sit.

“Guys I don’t think there’s space for me here.” You talked calmly, almost not the same person who came running and cursing just a moment before.

Usually there wouldn’t be any inconvenience of this kind, because usually, there was not a huge mass of solid muscle and breathtaking smile taking almost half of the back seat of the car.

“Hop on Barnes.” Sam replied, matter-of-factly.

“Why me? I-I mean, it would be better if Wanda did, I weigh more than her and Bucky would be uncomfortable and..” you were blushing hard and stumbling upon your words, but this time Bucky cut you off just by taking your hand in his and tugging at it, suggesting you get in the car.

“It’s okay doll, I really don’t mind. You can sit on my lap.” He said quietly, almost shy, but he was sporting an easy smile on his face as if this situation was making him happy.

Maybe it was, you didn’t know.

You gave him a look, as if silently asking “Are you sure?” and when he nodded his head and kept his smile on his lips, you decided it was okay to actually sit on his lap.

While the thought made you blush, you and Bucky weren’t strangers to each other, so you contemplated there was nothing wrong about the situation, given the circumstances.

You hopped easily in the car and sat on his lap a little awkwardly to say the least, while Wanda was trying but miserably failing to hide a smile spreading from her face and Nat was not even bothering to conceal the knowing smirk from hers.

“Everyone ready?” Steve asked and only after a round of nods and ‘yes’-es, he finally started the car.

You had one of your hands glued behind Sam’s head trying to weigh as little as possible on Bucky’s lap and you were trying so badly to keep the composure in front of your teammates.

You weren’t necessarily uncomfortable being this close to Bucky, but what made it bad was the presence of your other friends, especially Natasha and Sam.

When Steve brought Bucky to the compound almost two years ago, he was as closed off in himself as he could be. Of course no one blamed him, he came from 70 years of horror and honestly only the fact that he was still alive was a miracle.

To say you were captivated by him as soon as you laid eyes on him, it’s an understatement. Being friends with Steve before and having him share all the stories from “back in the days” did not help your case at all. Only what you heard from Steve was almost enough to make you fall for The Bucky Barnes, the Sargent of the 107th. And then when the man himself showed up, you were definitely in love with him.

Despite everything he had been through, despite all the hard exterior, the history and all the killings he had in his back, there was something about him you couldn’t place. Maybe his eyes, blue like the ocean and deep and… kind? There was a kindness you could spot in them that not even decades of brainwashing couldn’t take it away.

The first few months Bucky would only talk to Steve, never join the common areas and stay in the confines of his own room. You never saw him and sometimes wondered if he was even there.

It was almost 5 months later when you literally ran into him well past midnight in one after your “quests for good food” in the kitchen that you had your first conversation with him.

It had been only one sleepless night for you after a grueling mission and of course another sleepless night for him (as all of them were) when you were walking around the kitchen in darkness to reach the cupboards trying to find any of the cookies Sam stashed away from the team when you ran into a solid mass.

You yelped in fear but calmed as soon as he spoke. It was somehow soothing to hear his voice.

You finally found what you were looking for and decided to share the cookies with him, along with two hot cocoas and a very pleasant conversation that continued until dawn, when Bucky asked for permission to leave for his morning run with Steve.

After that night, you had many more repeats of it. Sometimes both of you would talk over cookies and cocoa, sometimes you would watch a movie and other times you would just stay silent in the company of each other, only listening to your calm breaths until you would fall asleep and Bucky would put a blanket on you and continue to look at you for the rest of the night.

At first it was a little odd, but as time went on your friendship evolved. It wasn’t only the nocturnal rendez-vouz anymore, but you started spending more time with each other, training together too until Steve decided to finally let Bucky go on a mission with you and making you partners for most of them.

It was actually very pleasing to see Bucky become better and better everyday. Meanwhile your friendship was becoming stronger and your feelings getting deeper. Seeing more and more of the Bucky that Steve used to describe in his stories was the best thing you could hope for. However, the fact that Bucky was always touching you, hugging you, snuggling with you in his room while reading or watching movies and even sometimes cuddling when you fell asleep together wasn’t helping you at all. You welcomed all these things but you never said anything about what you felt, scared to ruin your friendship.

Now here you were, perched on his lap, as if sitting in a bed of nails, while feeling the eyes of Black Widow, staring at you with her peripheral vision while she was whispering something to Wanda.

You had been driving for almost half an hour, only listening to Sam commentary about every song that came on the radio and the whispering of Natasha and Wanda on your left.

Bucky was stiff beneath you but he was silent, having rested his head on the windshield and his eyes closed, but it was obvious he wasn’t sleeping. He let a long sigh escape his lips and only then you turned your head to look at him.

“I’m sorry, I know you’re uncomfortable and…” you began but he cut you off, explaining that he was just tired but it wasn’t because of you at all.

You gave him a sympathetic look. “Couldn’t get any sleep last night, could you?”

He only shook his head no.

“You can put your head on my shoulder and try to sleep a little now.” You suggested without thinking twice. He gave you a sweet smile and did as you said.

His head came to rest on your shoulder, his face hidden in the crook of your neck and you could feel his breath tickling the skin it hit softly.

He let out another sigh and closed his eyes.

The others were just looking at you two, not saying anything at all, until Sam decided to turn off the radio and play a song from his phone.

Put your head on my shoulder

Hold me in your arms, baby

Squeeze me, oh so tight

Show me

That you love me too

Natasha let out a chuckle at the choice of the song and you rolled your eyes, flipping Sam off. He just winked at you and let the song play in a relatively low volume.

A few minutes had passed, the song had changed and you were all enjoying the ride in silence.

You were silently mouthing the lyrics of “Every breath you take” when suddenly the car came to a halt, causing you to stumble forward and you were gonna get hurt if it wasn’t for Bucky’s hands gripping your waist and holding you in place.

“What the hell, punk?”

“Sorry Buck, guys.” Came the apologetic reply from Steve. “There was a dog crossing the road and I didn’t want to hurt him.”

You sighed and grabbed a hold of the seat behind Bucky’s head, the other hand on your lap. Bucky’s hands were still gripping your waist, but a little more loosely now, as Steve started the car once again.

Bucky resumed to his previous position, nuzzling his face in your neck once again. Your hand that was behind his head slowly found the way to his hair and you began to play with his hair, an action he welcomed with a smile spreading on his lips that you felt in your neck.

You rested your head on top of his, but your hand didn’t stop caressing his hair, playing with the long chocolate locks and twirling them between your fingers.

You closed your eyes and decided you were finally comfortable enough to at least let yourself enjoy the rest of the drive. It was going to be a long one for that matter, so you decided spending the whole thing as if you were sitting on glass wasn’t the best thing you could do.

After only a few moments you felt Bucky’s metal hand touch your hand that was resting on your lap and silently taking it to join your other hand in his hair. You smiled to yourself but obliged, putting now both of your hands in work and giving him this way double the pleasure.

It wasn’t long after that you felt his heavy breathing against your neck and realised he was finally asleep. You were glad he could finally get some rest so you made the best you could to not move, trying to maintain the comfort you gave him. So with nothing else to do you closed your eyes too and decided you could take a nap too. You could hear your friends whispering with each other but you couldn’t care less about them right now. Within a few minutes you let yourself succumb in a peaceful sleep wrapped up around Bucky.

“Y/n.. hey, wake up doll.” You heard Bucky’s voice call but you were so sleepy you couldn’t find it in yourself to open your eyes.

You let out a soft groan of displeasure and only snuggled closer to his chest.

“We’re at the cabin sweetheart.” He tried again. “Why don’t you get up and we’ll get you inside, hm?”

“Mm, but I’m so comfy here..” you mumbled sleepily and heard Bucky chuckle at your words.

“So warm Buck.”

“I know, but you’ll be more comfy in a bed and warmer for sure.” He continued but you could already feel the smile that was threatening to break from his face.

Finally giving up on sleep you opened your eyes and groaned in annoyance.

You had no idea how it had happened but unlike when you fell asleep, this time you were resting your head in Bucky’s chest and he had his arms around your shoulders.

“Come on doll, let’s get you inside.” He nudged you and helped you out of the car and inside the cabin.

You found Steve, Sam, Natasha and Wanda already inside, each of them sitting in a chair, talking to each other animatedly.

“Ohh, look who finally decided to join the world of the awake.” Sam teased as soon as he noticed you and Bucky enter the place. “You slept for the whole 4 hours of the trip, you’re unbelievable.”

You just shrugged but remained close to Bucky.

“So what’s up now?” You asked.

“Okay so now we have to deal with the 'space’ situation here.” Steve took the turn to speak, his 'captain voice’ activated, as if he was briefing a mission report.

You all looked at him, waiting for him to continue, so he did.

“There are only 3 rooms here, and 6 of us. We all have to share a room with someon-”

Before he could finish his word Wanda cut him off. “I’m with Nat.” She announced excitedly.

“Wanda!” You gave her a look.

“There’s no way in hell I’m sharing the room with Tin Man.” Came without a delay Sam’s comment.

Bucky glared at him, but said nothing as you took his hand in yours and your bag in the other hand and not waiting for any other comment or reply from the others started walking in the direction of the rooms.

“We’re going to have the room with the bathroom inside.” You said, not leaving any place for arguments, and walked to the room with Bucky. You got in and closed the door behind you with a loud thud.

You weren’t upset that you had to share a room and a bed with Bucky, after all it wasn’t the first time. What annoyed you though was the fact that your friends were doing all these things on purpose, first making you sit on Bucky’s lap during the car drive (not that you were complaining) and now this, leaving you to share the room with him.

“I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t say no to another nap Buck.” You talked first and opened your duffle bag to fish out some other clothes.

Not paying any attention to the fact that Bucky was standing in front of you, you popped open the button of your jeans and slipped out of them, getting inside a pair of cotton shorts you used as pajamas. Next to go was your shirt which you replaced with a very large grey sweatshirt you had borrowed from Bucky a few months ago.

After changing your clothes you got in bed and covered with a soft blanket without a word, while Bucky kept staring at you, like you had grown a second head.

Sure enough, he had seen you in your pajamas before, also you had changed in front of him when you were all getting dressed in your uniforms for a mission, but seeing you get changed in front of him and put on his shirt, that did stirr something inside of him he couldn’t really place.

He was glued in place and wasn’t planning to move anytime soon if it wasn’t for your voice pulling him out of the trance.

“Will you join me?” You asked simply and instead of answering verbally he too got rid of his clothes but unlike you, he didn’t get in pajamas, but headed to bed only in his black boxers and got under the blanket.

You could get used to this, you thought to yourself as he moved slightly to make himself more comfortable in bed.

“C'mere.” He offered shyly and opened his arms for you to cuddle him. You didn’t hesitate one second to do so.

You rested your head on his chest and his hands were wrapped around your shoulders, while yours were resting on his torso, tracing absent-minded patterns on his toned stomach. It was a familiar situation, you both felt safe like this.

After a few moments in total silence only enjoying the soft touches and calm breaths of each other, you finally decided to speak.

“You realise they did this on purpose, right?” You asked and turned your head to meet his eyes.

He let out a breathy laugh and nodded his head. “Yeah, they’re not very subtle you know.”

“Mhmm..”

He looked at you with adoration but you could also notice the shadow of conflict in his face. You were too afraid to ask if your friends were right to do this, or what was his opinion about it all, so you settled on approaching him differently, trying not to “corner” him with your doubts and fear of dejection.

“What is it?” You asked timidly. “What are you thinking about?”

He looked down at your face again, gave you another smile and his hand came to rest on your cheek, tracing the soft skin there.

“I’m thinking about you.” He stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Thinking about how happy I am to be here with you.” He continued and you gave him a smile of your own after hearing his words. You were more than happy to be there or anywhere else, as long as you were with him.

“Thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life, and now in my arms. So beautiful.”

His voice was almost a whisper as he carried on.

“I’m thinking I was so stupid to make you wait all this time and to make myself wait when you have been always in front of me. It’s like you were always the answer to my every question and I have been a fool to not realize it before. I’m thinking I should have never waited for anyone to 'set us up together’ because I have been falling in love with you from the very first moment I laid my eyes on you and I shouldn’t have wasted all this time by not telling you.”

You could only listen to him and not quite believing the words leaving his mouth. It was like you were frozen in place by his confession. And because you did nothing to stop him or interrupt him, Bucky continued pouring his heart to you.

“I’m thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life and how much you have helped me become a better man. And I’m thinking how much in love I am with you and how I have been for a very long time now.”

You gasped when he said the last words and your eyes filled with happy tears in an instant.

“And I am thinking how much I want to kiss you.” He added finally and reached out for your lips slowly, afraid to not startle you.

You stared into his ocean eyes and when your eyes flickered to his lips for a second, you started leaning closer to kiss him too, but the magic of the moment was interrupted by a loud knock on your door.

“Dinner’s ready!” You heard Wanda’s voice on the other side and Bucky groaned in annoyance.

“We’ll eat later.” He spoke up for her to listen and only when he heard the answer of agreement from her he focused on your lips again, this time closing the gap between the two of you.

His metal hand found home in the back of your head and the other one was still around your shoulders, holding you close to him. His lips were soft and sweet and everything you had wished for and his kiss was breathtaking. You poured all you had in the kiss and only when it was hard to breathe you broke it off.

He had a sweet smile on his face while you were feeling drugged on his taste and staring at his now swollen lips you pecked him once again before speaking.

“I’m thinking I’m very much in love with you too.” You talked slowly.

He laughed heartily and attacked your lips once again with the sweetest assault possible.

It was going to be a great weekend.

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

2020 Can Take My Hair, But Not My Hope

My hair started falling out on election night.

I thought at first it might be the anxiety, that I was literally pulling my hair out with worry over numbers I already knew were not going to be definitive before the night wore into morning but which I stayed up until 3:30am watching anyway. I tweeted rapidly, reassuring my jittery timeline that not only had we all known that the night would bring no results but that we had even expected Trump to lead in key states because of the greater number of mail-in ballots from urban areas that would largely count for Biden. We knew. We all knew. But we were all terrified, flashing back to 2016 and already dreading another four years of living life on high alert, in constant survival mode.

I posted a selfie with a tweet that read, "Could be the last presidential election I vote in (blah blah stage 4 cancer blah blah) and I wish it were better and clearer than this but it's a crucial privilege to have voted. Remember, whatever the outcome, the last thing they can take from you is your hope."

To me that last sentence has been a mantra for these years and for my treatment. I have consistently refused, despite overwhelmingly terrible odds, to lose hope. The story of Pandora's Box tells us that the very last thing left inside was Hope--that even once all the demons were out in the world there was that tiny, feathered creature left to hang on to. It hasn't been easy, but I am one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet (and if you doubt this just ask anyone who's ever fought me on anything!) and it has turned out to be a saving grace rather than an irritating personality trait. Feeling like the world was trying to take my hope away made me angry. And when I get angry I will fight back.

I know I'm not alone in feeling like we entered some kind of alternate nightmare timeline on election night 2016. To that point, despite periods of immense personal difficulty, nothing truly terrible had happened to me. Then, in short order, my marriage ended and I was diagnosed with and began being treated for a terminal illness, all against the backdrop of a regime so deliberately hateful that it was truly incomprehensible to me. Then, a global pandemic and national crisis swept away the small consolations I'd found in my new life with cancer. The temptation to feel hopeless was strong and I struggled with it, particularly in the isolation of quarantine. I'm struggling with it now, facing a winter of further lockdowns, social isolation, continued chemo, and the added indignity (and chilliness!) of not having any hair. But somehow the coincidence of my hair loss with election night seemed like a good omen for the future, if a sad thing for the present.

I heard the news that they had called Pennsylvania for Biden at a peaceful Airbnb in the Catskills after stepping out of a shower where lost hair in handfuls. It felt oddly like a sacrifice I had made personally. I joked about this with friends on the text chains that lit up and that (despite my promise to myself and my writing partner that we'd "go off the grid") I responded to immediately. Instant replies, with emojis and GIFs, participated in the fiction: "Thank you for your service!!!"; "We ALL appreciate your sacrifice!"; "Who among us would NOT give up their hair for no more Trump?". The feeling was real for me, though. It was as though the good news demanded some kind of karmic offering. You never get something for nothing, I thought, and really it was a small price to pay.

The rest of the weekend passed too quickly, with absorption in the novel I plan (madly, given that I also work full-time) to work on for "National Novel Writing Month" (NaNoWriMo), walks in the unseasonably warm woods, and nighttime drinks on the back deck under the stars, watching my hair blow off in fine strands and drift through the sodium porch light. My friend and I read tarot and both our layouts contained The Tower, the card for new beginnings from total annihilation, the moment of destruction in which (as the novel's title says) everything is illuminated. "This might sound dumb," he said, "but maybe yours is about your hair." It did not sound dumb.

[shaved heads, the 2020 election, and a couple pics under the cut]

There is probably no more iconic visual shorthand for cancer than hair loss. It happens because chemo agents target fast-proliferating cells, which tend to inhabit things that grow rapidly by nature (hair, fingernails), or that we need to replenish often (cells in the gut), as well as out-of-control cancer cells. But not all cancer treatments, not even all chemotherapies, cause hair loss. In my 20 months of being treated for cancer and my three previous treatments (four, if you count the surgery I had) nothing had yet affected my hair beyond a bit of thinning. This despite the fact that my first-ever treatment (Taxol) was widely known to cause hair loss for "everyone." I had been fortunate with this particular side effect in a narrow way that I have absolutely not been on a broader scale. "Maybe," I had let myself think, "I can have this one thing." The odds were in my favor too; only 38% of people in clinical trials being treated with Saci lost their hair. I liked the odds of being in the 62% who didn't. But--as we all felt deep in our gut while they counted votes in battleground states--odds aren't everything.

I had come to treat the "strength" of my hair as a kind of relative consolation (though as with everything cancer "strength," "weakness," and the rhetoric of battle have nothing to do with outcomes). I treasured still having it, not just out of vanity (though I have always loved my hair whatever length, style, or color it has been) but because it allowed me to pass among regular people as one of them. I had no visible markers of the illness that is killing me, concealed as first the tumor and then the scars were by my clothing. "You look wonderful," people would tell me, even when I suffered from stress fractures from nothing more than running or sneezing; muscle spasms in my shoulder and nerve death in my fingertips; nausea that I swallowed with swigs from my water bottle that just made me look all the more like a hydration-conscious athlete; and profound, constant, and debilitating fatigue. Invisible illness had its own perils but I would take them--take all of them at once if necessary!--if only I could keep my hair and look normal.

It was not to be. A part of me had known this, since a lifetime with metastatic cancer means a lifetime of treatments a solid proportion of which result in hair loss. But I had hoped. And I had liked the odds.

The hardest thing for me is having to give up this particular consolation before knowing whether or not my new treatment is also working on my cancer. Unfortunately, there really isn't a correlation between side effects like hair loss and effectiveness of treatment. If it is working then I will feel that--like the election to which I felt I had karmically contributed--it was all completely worth it. Yet, even in this best case scenario, there's a new reality for me which is that while I am on this treatment I will stay bald. When you are a chronic patient you hope for a treatment that will work well with manageable side effects. And if this treatment works--and if the other side effects are as ok-ish as they are now--then I will remain on it.

It's that future that I am furious about more than anything else. I want to continue to live my life, of course, but I don't want to have to do it bald! In part that is because I don't want to register to people constantly as an archetypal "cancer patient" when I know that I am so much more. It is also in part because I don't want to think of myself as being ill, and living every day having to disguise my absent hair will make that all the tougher. I have already noticed that I feel, physically, as though I am sicker because of my constantly shedding hair. How could I not, in some ways, when every move I make and every glance at myself (including in endless Zoom windows) shows me this highly visible change?

For that reason, I'm shaving my remaining hair tomorrow (Wednesday). It's a way to feel less disempowered--less like hair loss is happening to me--and wrest control of the situation back. I will try to find agreeable things about it: wigs, scarves, cozy caps, bright lipstick, statement earrings, and a general punk/Mad Max vibe that is appropriate to 2020. But I don't want anyone to think for a second that I find this agreeable, or even acceptable, or that I don't mind. I mind a whole hell of a lot. My hair was my consolation prize, my camouflage, my vanity, my folly, and my battle cry.

I dyed it purple when I was first diagnosed because I knew (or thought I knew) that I would be losing it soon. I didn't, and I came to cherish it as a symbol of my boldness in the face of circumstances trying to oppress me, to make me shrink, to tempt me to become invisible. I refused and used it to "shout" all the louder in response. Because of what it came to mean to me, I'm nearly as sad about losing the purple as I am about losing the hair itself. It both symbolized the weight I was carrying and also that I would not let that weight grind me down. It was my act of resistance and my sign resilience all at once.

I sent a text to my friends, explaining this and offering, as an idea, that I could "pass the purple" to them in some way, small or large. It would feel more like handing off a torch or a weight (or the One Ring) than anyone shaving their head in solidarity. (After all, if they did that it would just remind me as I watched theirs grow back that, in fact, our positions were very different.) You're welcome to do it if you'd like too, internet friends, with temporary or permanent dye or a wig or a headband or one of those terrible 90s hairwraps or whatever. But I don't require that anyone do it because I feel support from you all in myriad ways, all the time. (But if you do, please send me pictures!)

It's November 2020. The election is over and Joe Biden has won. I still have cancer and I'll be bald tomorrow. I hope it's a turning point, both personal and global, because it feels like one. We've given up a lot in the last four years and I cannot say that I feel in any way peaceful or accepting about having to give up yet one more thing. But in losing my hair I absolutely refuse to also give up my hope.

(On our walk we did also seem to find a version of The Tower, all that was left of an abandoned house)

[angrylizardjacket]

the band with no name {Douglas Booth} 2

A/N: 1654 words. A bit shorter, but we’re getting into things now. idk how i feel about it, please give me feedback.

[PART 1]

Flop of The Month, your band, has an instagram account with exactly two posts on it, and Douglas feels like both and idiot, and a creepy stalker, for the amount of time he spends flicking through the two photos without actually liking them, for fear of you realising who he was.

Colson, however, seemed to have no such reservations.

“Look, I’m on their story,” Colson’s grinning from ear to ear as the cast and crew break for lunch the Monday after they’d seen your band play, showing Douglas his phone, and your band’s instagram story. It showed their notifications, highlighting how Colson had liked both photos and followed them, and had the caption ‘how’d the rap devil find us?’ and ‘not complaining tho’. 

“Bloody hell,” is all Douglas can bring himself to say, wearing a half-smile as they made their way to the costume department to get changed before lunch. It had been a low effort day, just jeans and t-shirts, but it was always safer to not eat in costume. Hair and makeup could stay and be touched up however.

Your band’s page had begun the day with 217 followers, and ended it with over a thousand. There wasn’t a link to your personal page, and so all he can do is scroll through your Facebook while waiting for Colson to be ready to go.

Y/N: weird question Y/N: also, hi Y/N: but yeh, weird question Y/N: was your friend last night mgk?

Douglas takes a moment to compose his thoughts before typing out his response.

Douglas: hi back Douglas: and yes.

There’s a few minutes of silence, and Douglas can feel his scalp itching beneath his wig, just a little, but he tries to ignore it.

Y/N: cool. Y/N: well it was nice meeting you guys!! Y/N: looking forward to seeing if ur band is real btw Douglas: probably wont be for a while Y/N: im happy to wait Y/N: if u want me there that is Douglas: if we ever actually play a gig, you’ll be the first to know

You send a blushing smiling emoji back, and Douglas finds himself strangely pleased.

“Is that her?” Colson asks, eyes shining as he pulled on his leather jacket; with his wig and makeup, he still absolutely looked the part. Douglas quickly slipped his phone in his pocket, knowing that a faint blush dusted his cheeks despite his best efforts. As he waffled his way through an affirmation, Colson’s smile just grew wider.

“I still don’t understand why you were being so vague; she probably would have jumped you there and then if she knew you were part of the Motley Crue movie, man.”

“Yeah,” Douglas said, his discomfort mounting at the insinuation, “that’s the problem, dude; first of all, I don’t know if she like the band themselves, or just the music, and if she does like the band,” he paused, shrugging a little, quietly embarrassed, “what if she likes them better than me?”

“They’re all married,” Colson says, like it immediately solves everything.

“Man, you know that’s not the issue,” Douglas sighed, but it’s clear he wasn’t done, and Colson just waited, eyebrows raised, “you know, girls who are like... like... how did you say it the other week? When that girl from Instagram was in your DMs every other minute?”

“Clout chasing,” Colson nodded sagely, suddenly understanding all too clearly his co-star’s apparent fears, “well she doesn’t know who you are yet.”

“Exactly,” Douglas exclaimed, glad the craft services tent was finally in view, feeling himself grow hungrier by the moment, “and I think I wanna keep it that way, just for now.”

“Better pray she doesn’t watch Jupiter Ascending,” Colson snorts, just as Douglas punches him in the arm. 

The next day, he messages you first, sends a photo of himself and the rest of the band out of costume, but holding their instruments, all wearing heels to help make it easier to wear them around set. 

Douglas: the band says hi Y/N: shit, you guys have instruments and everything Y/N: getting less sketchy by the minute

You follow it up with a winking emoji, and a photo of yourself, out in the sunshine, dressed impeccably, makeup dark and sharp, holding a stack of posters beside your head, advertising your band’s next gig; this Saturday.

Douglas: are you inviting me? Y/N: only if you’re saying yes

Your confident coyness amuses him, despite the way the shoes are pinching his toes, and he tells you he’ll be there.

The next day, you send a link to a band name generator, but more interestingly, you send it right around the time he’s getting his makeup done, early in the morning.

Douglas: early start? Y/N: my shop won’t open itself Douglas: your shop? Y/N: mini mall tattoo parlor hahaha

“She owns a tattoo parlor?” Daniel asks, reading over Douglas’s shoulder between takes, “you’d better make your move or Colson’s gonna go for her.” 

“Go for who?” Colson himself calls across set where his makeup’s being touched up.

“You weren’t meant to hear that!” Daniel shouts back, though he’s grinning, and adds, “Y/N. She owns a tattoo parlor.”

“Really, shit man, Doug she’s cool as hell,” Colson muses, before snorting, addressing Daniel, “gimme some credit, I’m letting the man shoot his shot; he’s my bro, not my competition.”

“Thanks man,” with the slightest smile, Douglas puts his phone away as the scene is reset around them, and Colson joins him in the middle of the living room set.

“I expect free tattoos, however,” he says with a faux seriousness, “because if you like her, like really like her, I’m gonna wingman the shit out of you.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely, man,” he claps Douglas on the shoulder with a surprisingly sincere expression.

It’s Colson who suggests, the following day, sending a video of Douglas playing the bass, asking if you had any pointers. They’re at band rehearsals again, blasting through their repertoire, when they get to Take Me To The Top, and as the song dies down, Colson makes the suggestion.

“Why are you filming it?” Iwan asks, and Colson’s smile is all teeth where he’s holding Douglas’s phone, answering before Douglas has the opportunity.

“Tryna help impress that punk chick from the band last weekend.”

“You’re actually talking to her?” Iwan asks with a bright, almost incredulous smile, “after everything that happened? She must really like you.” He muses, and Douglas feels his soul leaving this mortal plane.

“Smart move; asking for advice from her, lets her know you think she’s talented, and, well, you know,” Daniel shrugs, wiggling his fingers with a casual air. Douglas frowns, but Colson’s nodding.

“Exactly what I was thinking,” he agrees, and finally Douglas clues in. Dexterous fingers.

“Don’t be gross, guys,” he sighs, already regretting letting Colson help at all, “just take the damn video.”

It only takes thirty seconds for you to respond in All Caps.

Y/N: ARE YOU IN A MOTLEY CRUE COVER BAND

“I’m fucked,” Douglas mutters under his breath, staring wide-eyed at the message.

Y/N: you play so well dude just relax your stance and shoulders Y/N: fkn love take me to the top Y/N: seriously a motley cover band??? Y/N: you just instantly got 100x cooler

“Okay, maybe I’m not fucked,” he concedes after a moment, quietly breathing a sigh of relief.

Y/N: now i have to see u guys play!! Y/N: if that’s alright of course

“Nah, you’re definitely a little bit fucked,” Daniel offers over his shoulder, and Douglas pushes his face away.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Douglas grumbles, and Daniel shrugs bemusedly. 

“At least she thinks you play well,” but Douglas isn’t listening to him, he’s frantically tapping away on his phones, scowling, “what ‘re you doing?”

“Trying to come up with a name for our band -”

“Our fake band?” Iwan asks, arms crossed over his chest wearing an amused little smile, “do we have to play along with this too?”

“Not if you don’t want, just don’t... don’t tell her it’s fake is all.” Douglas offers, and the rest of the band nods.

“So how long are you going to play along with this bit?” Daniel ask, and Douglas heaves a sigh.

“Not sure; until I can trust that she’s not just in it to meet the actual band -”

“Which she doesn’t know you know,” Iwan interjected again, and Douglas nodded a little. After a beat, the rest of the band looked to each other, and seemed to share some sort of silent communication, before turning back to him.

“Okay,” Colson agrees easily, “if you’re serious about this chick you’ve known for five days,” he emphasizes, though Douglas doesn’t seem phased, “if we ever run into her, we’ll pretend we’re in a Motley Crue cover band.” He agrees, while Iwan and Daniel silently agree, though they look rather amused at the whole situation.

“There’s just something about her,” Douglas muses quietly.

“It’s the fact that she’s the coolest chick you’ve ever met,” Colson tells him with far too much authority, “and your little posh, school-boy brain wants to try something new.”

“Hey -” Douglas scoffed, though he was quickly talked over.

“She looks like she’d punch me in the face but I’d be okay with it,” Iwan adds, which, strangely enough, the rest of them agree to with various mischievous smiles. Douglas doesn’t exactly deny that he feels the same way.

“What’s our band name gonna be?” Daniel asks finally.

“The Fourskins,” Colson answers back immediately, grinning wide and proud of himself.

“Absolutely no-”

“That’s kind of genius,” Daniel snorts over Douglas’ protest, and so, on a three-to-one vote, their fake Motley Crue cover band is named The Fourskins, and Douglas kind of thinks he’d rather come clean there and then to you, rather than suffer through ever typing or saying that name to you. But he doesn’t. 

He really hopes you’re worth it.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

CSI Rogers And Barnes: The Serious Cereal Serial Killer. Episode 17- At Last Pt. 1

Co-written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​ 

Summary: It’s Tony’s wedding weekend, and the usual fun and antics ensue. Then Steve and Katie take an extra evening in Manhattan, where Steve has a little surprise of his own planned.

Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT IN PART 2 (NO UNDER 18s and NSFW)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:  So this is it. The FINAL CSI: Rogers and Barnes instalment. (Well, bar an Epilogue…) and it’s long so we split into 2. This has been one hell of a ride! It’s been a total playground for us, seeing how many stupid references and ridiculous actions we could fit in, and our first collaboration. We hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as we have. Myself and Storm love each and every one of you who’ve taken the time to read, like, comment and re-bog.

We love you 3000…

CSI R&B Masterlist

  //

Main Masterlist

Chapter Song: At Last- Etta James 

You smile, and then the spell was cast, and here we are in heaven for you are mine. At Last.

Steve stretched out, rolling over and reached out for Katie only for his hand to meet a cold, empty mattress. He opened his eyes, confused for a second at the unfamiliar surroundings before he realised he was in his room at the Plaza…and it’s the morning of Tony’s wedding. His head was a little fuzzy due to the drinks last night which had gone on late and he could remember sitting in Tony’s suite drinking the bottle of scotch Sam had pilfered from the free bar at the rehearsal party. They had an impromptu party once the girls had left for Pepper and Tony’s and he remembered complaining loudly about why Sam and Bucky got to spend the night together when Katie wasn’t allowed to stya with him.

Jesus what had he turned into? A clingy bastard, that’s what.

He reached for his phone, checking the time which was 9 am. He dropped it back on the bedside table and tried to go back to sleep but he couldn’t. Not without her so he gave up. Firing Katie a quick ‘good morning beautiful’ message, he then kicked off the bed covers and shoved on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. Grabbing his kit he decided to head for the pool to make the most of the facilities.

The place was fairly busy considering the time on a Saturday morning, but there was a lane closed off for the ‘serious’ swimmers with no one in it so he made use of that for half an hour before he made his way into the changing rooms and showered. By the time he was drying off in the locker room, Katie had messaged back wishing him a ‘good morning handsome’ and complaining she had a bad head from a lot of champagne. He smiled, replied that he was sure she’d soon get over it when they start again, and then just as he’d done that another message came through. This one from Tony who had apparently ordered a fuck tonne of room service for a breakfast party.

Deciding that wasn’t such a bad idea he replied saying he was on his way, shoved his phone in his pocket, grabbed his kit bag and headed to the elevator. When he got to Tony’s suite he knocked on the door, the faint well natured chatter from inside hit his ears before the door swung open. Rhodey greeted him and Steve stepped in to see Tony led on a chaise in a hotel robe, eating grapes like a Roman Emperor. Steve snorted.

“Having Fun Tony?”

Tony grinned “Am I ever? I love all this. You know, I might get married once every 2 years.” He looked at Steve “You should try it, Rogers.”

Steve rolled his eyes, remembering full well about the ring that was tucked in the safe in his room.

From his spot over by the low coffee table, Bucky shot Steve a glance. He was certain the punk was gonna pop the question this weekend, why else would he have booked an extra night for them to stay in Manhattan on Sunday as well?  When Steve suggested it to Katie over breakfast a few weeks ago, he’d simply stated it was an opportunity for them to spend a bit of time together in the run up to Christmas, but if said girl didn’t return to Brooklyn on Monday with a ring on her finger then James Buchanan Barnes would chop of his left arm with a chainsaw.

At that point, Rhodey, ever the tactical, organised man asked Tony what the plan was for the day and Tony simply looked at him, and blinked.

“Aren’t you the best man?”

Bucky sighed “What a waste. I could have been a groomsman….ow!” he hissed, rubbing his side as Sam had elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

Rhodey completely ignored Bucky and looked at Tony “I am, yes, but you’re the Groom.” Tony waved him away “Yeah, yeah. We need to be dressed and in the room for 1. Ceremony is at 1:45, girls should arrive at half past and our stylist is arriving at midday. Easy.”

Steve glanced at his watch and Bucky smirked up at him “Hey, Stevie…only 3 hours till you see her punk…” From besides him, Sam snorted.

“You’re whipped man.”

Steve glared at them both, not even bothering to deny that was what he’d been checking and turned to Tony. “Is Greatmaster…Grandmaster, whatever, your wedding planner coming?” “Right, yeah that….asshole shall be showing up at some point.” Tony rolled his eyes “Fortunately I’m getting rid of him for the day.” He shoved another grape in his mouth and looked at Bruce “Remind me never to hire anyone you or the Bungalow recommend ever again.”

They boys settled down to eat, taking their time, enjoying a bit of banter about the stag do and the previous night’s rehearsal until an hour or so later Tony clapped his hands and stood up.

“Ok boys, suit up.”

Steve made his way back to his room and whilst in the elevator he got another message from Katie. This was a selfie of her in a robe with a glass of champagne having her hair put up. He smiled, responded telling her he couldn’t wait to see her, before the elevator door opened and he headed down to his room. Having already showered he knew he wasn’t in a huge rush so took his time trimming his beard, making sure the lines were crisp before he shrugged on his dress shirt, tying a Windsor in his deep, scarlet tie. Then he pulled on his suit pants, matching waistcoat and then jacket before placing his shiny black oxfords on and stood up. With a little product he styled his hair, making sure it was parted and slicked back as usual before taking a final glance in the mirror, smoothing down his jacket. He had to admit, the suits Tony (or most likely Pepper) had chosen for the Groom’s party were sharp. A black wool blend Tom Ford with a subtle red and gold check detail. Deciding he looked half decent he grabbed his wallet, phone, and room key. Satisfied he didn’t need anything else, he made his way back to Tony’s room.

Once more he gave a rap and the door opened inwards to reveal Grandmaster, smiling at him.

“Good afternoon Mr Rogers, you look dapper.” The man grinned, batting his eyelashes.

“Erm, thanks.” Steve replied in the absence of anything else to say.

“You’re late by the way.” Grandmaster continued.

“What?” Steve frowned, checking his watch to find he wasn’t late. He was never late…

“You’re the last one.” Grandmaster stated, as ways of explanation. “Everyone else is here already.”

“That’ doesn’t mean that I’m late.” Steve shook his head.

“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” Grandmaster replied, batting his eyelashes again.

“Whatever, can I come in?” Steve arched an eyebrow at him.

“Oh yeah, sure. Sorry. I got lost in your eyes for a minute there.”

Steve looked at the man, utterly lost for words. The guy was as nutty as a fruitcake. Steve stepped into the room, turning sideways as Grandmaster did the same smiling at him. He hastily moved into the living area of the suite where Rhodey was doing up Tony’s gold dress tie.

Grandmaster headed over to Bruce, brushing something off the man’s shoulder, smiling “You’ve always been my champion.”

Steve raised his eyebrows before he leaned over to whisper to Sam “How does Bruce know him again?”

“Some Ultimate Fighting online fan group.” Sam said “Bruce and Thor are very into it, apparently, along with one of Thor’s other good friends, Korg.”

“Korg?” Steve looked at Sam.

“Yeah, Thor knew him from his Uni days.” Sam said “They used to be quite political apparently. Tried to organise a protest against fascism but they didn’t print enough pamphlets so hardly anyone turned up.” Steve shook his head, the fact that didn’t surprise him in the slightest was ridiculous, but when it came to this lot, nothing did really, not anymore. It wasn’t long before Tony was ready, and the boys all stood round with one more scotch each before they were ushered, by a now very militant Grandmaster, down to the chapel where the wedding was going to take place in. Once there, Grandmaster headed off to check the function suite was ready for the ‘Post Wedding Meal’.  At his muttering of those words, Steve and Tony shared a little grin at the memory of a few weeks ago in Tony’s kitchen.

The Photographer arrived and set about arranging the boys for a few shots. Bucky tried to sneak into most of them, Tony at one point telling him to fuck off from his grooms party shots, which was the WORST thing he could possibly have done, as Bucky then made it his mission to infiltrate as many of them as he could by stealth. Steve had to admit, he couldn’t wait to see the final shots of Bucky popping up all over the place like some kind of nameless assassin.

As they were all having a shot taken just at the doors of the room, Grandmaster bustled back in. “OH. EMM. GEE.” He said, pronouncing each letter, drawing out the vowel sounds. “My crew sent me photos of the girls…you’re all going to DIE when you see them.” He grinned, slapping Steve’s back.

Ducking away from him, Steve checked his watch. 12:15…not long now. But before he could think about it, the first guests started to arrive having been shown the way by the concierge, and it was all to attention and the groomsman duties began.

Approximately 10 or so minutes later, he was just heading back to the door of the chapel having shown the assistant from the lab to her seat when he stopped dead as he saw Katie just outside in the foyer area, locked in an embrace with Tony. He was sure his heart stopped for a beat, fuck, she looked stunning. Her dress was the same colour as his tie, a deep red with a halter neck and a v neckline. It cinched in at the waist, with a fairly loose fitting skirt that had a slit up the side and it accentuated her figure perfectly. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant knot of curls at the back of her head, exposing her delicate neck and shoulders, and the star necklace he bought her twinkled as it sat just below the hollow of her throat. For some reason his mind strayed back to the time he had met her. He’d been invited to Howard’s for dinner a few months after arriving at the 101st and she’d answered the door, dressed in a pair of cut-off jeans, an oversized grey sweater which hung off one shoulder complete with a messy bun on top of her head and the prettiest eyes he had ever seen, eyes which were now popping from underneath a lid of smoky brown and gold eyeshadow. She’d flashed him a smile that day, invited him in, and if he was honest from that moment he’d been a fucking gonner for her. Why he had waited the best part of ten fucking years to even kiss her he would never understand. As he watched her eyes turned to his and she beamed at him. He gave her a smile back as she released Tony and made her way towards him, her leg slipping through the long slit in her dress as she walked giving him a flash of the peep-toe gold heels she was wearing, leaving him actively fighting the image of said heels being hooked around his ears…. Jesus Christ….

“Miss me Captain?” She grinned, her teeth bright white against the deep, blood red lip stain she was wearing.

“Always Doll.” He smiled as she stopped in front of him, blinking as she looked up at him.

“Good, because I missed you too.”

“You look amazing, honey.” Steve complimented her and she beamed up at him, scanning his suit.

“Thanks, you look pretty good yourself.” She said, her palms sliding up the lapels of his jacket.

Steve’s hand slipped round her back as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, not wanting to smudge her lipstick. When his palm met bare skin he couldn’t help the groan that left his mouth as he realised her dress was backless. Katie looked at him having heard his involuntary noise, arching a perfectly plucked brow and smirked.

“Yes, no bra Stevie.”

“You’re killing me sweetheart.” Steve whined out but before she could reply, Steve was rather harshly slapped on the back.

“Put her down, Punk you’re needed.”  Bucky smirked as he turned to Katie, doing an over exaggerated double take as he looked her up and down “Huh, ok, so you look decent…” “Fuck you Barnes.” She shot back “And tell them they can wait a little, I haven’t seen my man since last night.” “Oh believe me I know. He’s been a whiney little bitch all morning…”

At that point a familiar voice cut him off. “James Buchanan Barnes, wash your mouth out, this is a wedding!”

Bucky grimaced as huge grins spread across both Katie and Steve’s faces. “Sorry Momma R” “Yes, I should think so.” Sarah looked at him sternly.

“Okay, I’m gonna…go…ummm…” Bucky hastily made his retreat, Sarah watching him with narrowed eyes before she turned to Katie, beaming as she gave her a hug.

“Star you look stunning.”

“Thanks Sarah and so do you, I love your dress.” Katie smiled, looking down at Sarah’s light gold knee length gown and Steve had to admit, it had been a while since he’d seen his ma done up. She was quite striking actually. “I love the neckline, and your hair.”

“Yes, thank you for that.” She gave Katie a look and she blushed a little, waving her away.

“Thank you for what?” Steve asked and Sarah looked at him, smiling.

“I had a little surprise this morning. Star arranged for someone to come and do my hair for me.”

Steve looked at Katie, a soft smile crossing his face. “You did?”

Katie shrugged “It’s no big deal.” “Well it was to me, so thank you.” Sarah smiled, before she turned to Steve. “My boy…don’t you look handsome?”

Steve blushed a little “Ma…” he sighed and Sarah chuckled

“Are you going to show me to my seat?” she asked and Steve smiled. He offered his mom his arm, shot Katie another smile and then walked into the room. As they reached the row she was to be seated on he stopped and reached up to brush his cheek. “You look just like your father.”

Steve didn’t miss the emotion in his mom’s eyes and he swallowed a little as she took her seat one down from the end of the row. “Have you…?”

“God, Ma. No, not yet. And I won’t be today either, its Tony’s wedding…”

Sarah opened her mouth to speak, most likely to pressure Steve to hurry up again but she was cut off by a voice from behind them.

“I believe my seat is just there…”

Steve frowned, he recognised that voice. He turned to see none other than Stan Lee smiling at him.

“Mr Lee?” he asked as the elderly man beamed at him “I didn’t know you were invited.” He extended his hand to shake Stan’s. “Good to see you again.”

“You too Captain. May I?”

Steve gave a nod and moved so Stan could drop into the seat on the end of the row, next to his mom.

“Good afternoon Ma’am, looks like I’m on the young’uns row.” Stan beamed at Sarah who burst out laughing. Steve shook his head with a snort and left them to it, making his way back out of the room to find the rest of his team had now arrived, Thor currently giving Katie a huge hug. He greeted Natasha who touched his arm gently before making a bee line for Bruce. He watched her go, smirking to himself, before he turned and raised an eyebrow at Clint. Clint merely shrugged and then introduced the Captain to his girlfriend, Laura. Thor then turned to him, shaking hands with Steve and moved slightly to reveal Gina was stood now talking to Katie.

“Greetings Captain, I bought a date.” Thor grinned.

“I see.” Steve said, raising his eyebrows, not bothering to correct Thor on what he had just said making it sound like he’d purchased Gina in some way...

“Yeah…” Gina turned to Steve. “The way he says it he sounds like he’s bought a bottle of wine.”

Thor shook his head “No, I don’t drink wine.”

At that Katie burst out laughing and turned away, shaking her head slightly.

“It’s a good thing he’s dreamy” Gina said, jerking her thumb at Thor.

Steve’s attention then was then distracted by a loud voice “Miss Stark, you look stunning…” He turned to see flash fucking fire dude, Johnny Storm approaching her and he gave a little groan, rolling his eyes.

“Captain…” Thor asked and Steve turned back to him “Where do we err sit?” Steve floundered for a moment, he really didn’t want to leave the fire bastard alone with his girl so he turned to Bucky who was watching him, a huge grin on his face.

“Buck can you…”

Bucky raised both palms, shaking his head, smirking smugly “Hey, I’m not part of the groomsman party…”

“Fuck you jerk.” Steve shot back and Bucky raised his eyebrows.

“Ok, first off, watch your language. This is a chapel, a place of worship and two…” at this point he dropped his voice and gave Steve a stern look. “Stop with the jealousy, she’s with you. No competition.”

“What is he even doing here?” Steve frowned, completely ignoring what Bucky had said, and the sergeant took a deep sigh. He was just about to inform Steve that he had no idea when a voice sounded from behind them.

“Johnny, there you are!”

Bucky and Steve turned to see a tall, dark haired man and a blonde woman approaching them. The blonde rolled her eyes “Of course he would be here, Hi Katie.”

Katie smiled “Hi Susan.”

“Well this is cute and all but…” Gina spoke again, “like seriously, Captain. Where do we sit?”

Steve groaned and took another glance at Johnny who was bouncing on the balls of his feet, grinning as Katie chatted to the 3 people in front of her. Knowing he couldn’t not show the team to their seats, he rolled his eyes and moved gently to loop his arm round Katie’s waist, dropping a kiss to her cheek.  A flicker of a smile crossed her pretty face and she turned to look at him, leaving him with absolutely no question she knew he was ‘marking his territory’ so to speak, before he grudgingly turned away to show the team to their seats.

“Smooth.” Bucky observed.

“Shut up.” Steve snapped back as he led his team down to a row half way down the room. This time, when he once more emerged from the room he was greeted by a whirl of gold and blue and he let out a low groan. Grandmaster.

Tony’s eccentric wedding planner started to clap his hands at Steve “The bride is here…get everyone seated, we’re behind schedule…”

Tony, who had been stood talking to someone grumbled to Steve “I wish he was behind schedule, preferably by a week so he wasn’t here.”

Steve gave a snort as Grandmaster turned to Katie and Pepper’s sister “Miss Stark, Miss Potts, the Bride may need your help…” At that he then looked at Steve, didn’t I tell you she looked stunning?” “You said gorgeous.” Bucky replied lazily.

“No.” Grandmaster frowned “Why would I use that word?”

Before Bucky could reply to the very strangely dressed man in front of him, Rhodey then appeared, smiling. “All set.” He smiled, clapping Tony on the shoulder “You ready?” Tony shook his head “Nope.”

Katie smiled, “You’ll be fine.” Steve watched as she stepped forward to give her brother a hug before she pulled back, her hands on his arms. “Mom and Dad would be so proud.”

Tony swallowed before he nodded “Ok, kiddo…don’t make me cry. Go help Pepper, tell her she’s already late.”

Katie rolled her eyes as Tony and Rhodey headed into the room, being ushered along by Grandmaster. She glanced at Steve and smiled. “See you in a minute.”

Steve smiled back, reaching out to pull her to him, dropping a kiss to her lips. “Don’t make it too long Doll.” She grinned and turned, giving him a full on view of the back of her dress, leaving his mouth a little dry and he made his way to his place on the front row, slightly down from where Tony and Rhodey were stood at the front of the aisle. On the way he shot his mom a smile as she beamed proudly at him, Bucky nodding as he sat next to her on the opposite side to Stan Lee. For some reason Steve was nervous. Why, he had no idea. He’d already seen his girl and she’d taken his breath away once already, but here he was, a ball of tense energy.  He could hear Tony and Rhodey talking, but he wasn’t focussing, that was until Tony’s voice grew loud and indignant

“That man is playing Galaga” Tony pointed to a man on the second row who was engrossed in his phone. “He thought I wouldn’t notice, but I did.”

“Man, shut up and relax…” Rhodey soothed him.

“I need a drink, something strong…is it bad I can’t feel my left arm.” Tony looked at Rhodey who was about to respond when the music started and everyone stood up. Steve turned his attention to the door which opened inwards and Katie and Pepper’s sister stepped into the room, walking down the aisle.

Bucky watched Steve as he took a deep breath, his eyes on his girl as she glided towards them, a stupid, dopey, gooey-eyed smile crossing the Captains face. “Gross” he mumbled, giving a soft yelp as Sarah slapped him round the back of the head. Fury, who was on the seat to Bucky’s left gave a little snigger. Bucky looked at him and frowned. “What are you doing here? That’s not even your seat, I’ve seen the seating plan.”

“I’m sure you have Barnes.” Fury replied lazily “But given that it’s a stupid ass plan designed by an even more stupid ass planner I’ve elected to ignore it.”

As Katie reached the front row, Bucky saw her shoot Steve a huge smile, which his punk best friend returned, and then there were gasps in the room. Bucky turned and saw Pepper in a gorgeous, yet so simple silk, straight A-line dress, which was embellished round the waist in red and gold embroidery. He glanced at Tony, and was amused to see that the normally composed scientist was literally floundering for air. Bucky then caught Sam’s eye who flashed him a wink which he returned, and Sarah nudged him.

“See, that’s what being in love does to you James.”

Bucky smiled at her as she squeezed his hand gently. Throughout the Ceremony Bucky saw Steve kept on looking at Katie who was on the same row but the opposite side of the aisle. She was watching Tony, her eyes glassy. At one point, Pepper’s sister took her hand and she turned to her, giving her a smile, before they both looked back, Katie turning to Steve. She shot him a huge grin which he returned, and Bucky smiled to himself. It might be gross, but it was cute. He liked seeing Steve happy.

When the ceremony was over, Tony was told he could kiss his bride.

“Well, I’m not one to back down from an honest challenge…” he muttered, stepping forward and sweeping her up in a huge kiss to loud cheers in the room. As music began to play again, the new Mr and Mrs Stark swept down the aisle followed by Rhodey and Pepper’s sister. Steve walked on behind smiling as he reached the end of his row.

“May I Miss Stark?” he offered Katie his arm and she grinned, linking hers into the crook of his elbow and he lay his hand over hers. As they walked towards the doors, he caught his mom’s eye as she dabbed her tears away with a tissue. She beamed at him, and he smiled back, before he turned to look at Katie, dropping a soft kiss to her temple.  

**** The meals were eaten, the toasts were done, and tears were shed through the afternoon. But once the reception was done, the drinks kept on flowing right through to the evening party. Steve was relaxed, feeling the buzz from a fair amount of wine, beer and shorts which had been consumed through the day. There was a loud tapping noise on the speakers and Steve glanced up from where he was sat at a table near the dance floor, Katie perched on his lap, as Tony and Pepper were welcomed to the floor for their first dance. The opening bars to Etta James ‘At Last’ last rang out around the room and Katie gave a snort.

“You can say that again.” She chuckled and Steve grinned, his arm curling round her as she watched her brother, her eyes glassy with tears. “You know…” she leaned down to Steve, this should really be our song.”

“Doll, just don’t…”

She shrugged and he gave a little huff of a laugh as she turned back to watch Tony slowly revolving Pepper around the floor, the camera flashing from the photographer. After the first verse the MC invited people to join them, as tradition and Katie looked at Steve. He nodded and she stood up, taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor.

Bucky watched them go, picking up his drink, smiling.

“Look, now there are two Stark ladies!” Thor grinned as the team watched Steve take Katie in a close hold, gracefully revolving them on the spot, the pair of them sharing a laugh at something.

“Not for much longer.” Bucky grinned.

“What do you mean?” Thor frowned,

Besides Bucky Clint gave a snort as the sergeant looked at Thor blinking “You know, I don’t get it. Like, you’re super clever sometimes and others…”

Thor shrugged and then Bucky turned his attention over the table to see Scott Lang, their assistant looking at Natasha.

“Are you gonna eat that peanut butter macaroon or…” Scott began, but Natasha wasn’t listening, she was too busy caressing Bruce’s palm as it lay on the table in front of her so Scott reached out and grabbed it, shoving it in his mouth. On the dancefloor, Steve effortlessly moved Katie around the floor to the song as it played. She tucked her head under his chin and he breathed her in, his hand splaying on her bare back, simply relishing the fact she was so close. He didn’t speak a word, simply allowed the music and being with her to sweep him away, and he was rather unceremoniously jolted back to reality when loud applause sounded as the song finished. The MC congratulated Tony and Pepper once more, Katie turned to give her brother a huge hug, before the man on the mic wished everyone a Merry Christmas and the sounds of Wham, ‘Last Christmas’ rang out, cheers hitting Steve’s ears as suddenly the dance floor filled up.

Almost immediately, Bucky was in front of him, throwing what looked like torn up place cards into the air, holding his arms out “Merry Christmas and Happy 2021!”

Sam, who was besides Bucky looked at him “Its 2020 next year, idiot.”

Steve dusted the paper off his shoulders, picking pieces out of Katie’s hair as she looked at Bucky, frowning. Bucky turned to Sam and shrugged “Yeah I know but I don’t like 2020. Sounds like a shit year to me…although…” he spun to Steve grinning and Steve took a deep breath and shot him a glare, which he totally ignored “It could be a good one eh Stevie?”

“What is he talking about?” Katie looked at Steve.

“God knows, he’s drunk.” Steve shrugged as Bucky made a clicking noise as he winked, pointing at both of them. Thankfully, Sam dragged him away, Katie and Steve both watched them go before Katie turned back around. Smiling, Steve took her back in a hold that was a little lighter this time as the music was more upbeat and they began to dance together once more.

“Hmmm. Last Christmas…” Katie pondered and Steve let out a groan.

“Can we…” he took a deep breath, dropping his head “Can we just not? Please Doll. I’m not very proud of myself when I think about it.” Katie chuckled and her hands came to rest on his shoulders as he moved them in a little livelier dance. “Ok, sorry. But, it worked out in the end.”

“It did. But I caused you a lot of pain along the way.” He sighed, “Too much.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t hang around and give you chance to explain or try and work it out.” Katie looked up at him. “I just ran away.

“I didn’t exactly try and stop you did I?” Steve looked at her.

“No, you didn’t Captain Righteous.” Katie conceded and Steve chuckled as she shook her head “God I was so mad at you.”

“I was mad at myself Sweetheart.” “But if I’m honest, I was more upset that we’d blown our chance.” Steve took a deep breath. “I really thought we had. Well, that I had…”

“Stevie?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you ever leave me again, please.” She said, almost whispered. Steve frowned and looked at her, her face was loaded with emotion and beneath those sparkling green emerald eyes he could see a flicker of fear.

“Hey…” he reached for her hand and raised it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to her wrist “Where’s this coming from baby girl?”

Katie sniffed, “Honestly? I don’t know. It’s just, everything is so perfect. It sometimes feels a little too good to be true. And I’m scared that one day I’m gonna wake up and I’ll still be in DC…or that you might have another car crash…or a case getting nasty and you…”

She was losing herself in her head again, something he’d seen her do countless times so he quickly cut her off. “Look at me.” He cupped her face in both his hands “I’m not going anywhere Doll.”

“Promise?”

Steve opened his mouth to reply, but he knew full well that words wouldn’t do this moment justice. Instead he dipped his face to hers, catching her mouth in a deep kiss, not caring who the fuck was watching. He poured every single piece of emotion he was feeling into that kiss, desperate for her to understand that he had no intention of leaving her ever again and she must have gotten the message as he felt her relax into his hold, kissing him back, her hands softly gripping at the material of his jacket.

“Erm, stop eating his face Kiddo, this is my wedding.” Tony interrupted “It’s supposed to be about me….and Pepper” he added.

Steve could feel his cheeks growing warm as Katie pulled away from him with a groan and a roll of her eyes as she turned to face Tony.

“How about you go eat your wife’s face and leave us the fuck alone Tones?”

“Rude much?” He snorted “I raised you better than that.”

“You didn’t raise me at all, Tony!” Katie scoffed.

“Ok, it was a figure of…” he trailed off, frowning at something over her shoulder. “What the hell is Thor doing?”

Steve and Katie turned to see Thor was stood his nose almost touching one of the branches of the lit up Christmas Trees round the edge of the room.

“Oh, he was rambling on over dinner about Norwegian Spruce trees.” Katie shrugged, “Maybe he’s trying to figure out if that is one or not.”

“He was rambling about what?” Tony looked at her.

“It’s a type of tree which…” Steve began but Tony cut him off.

“You know what, on second thoughts I’m not really interested.” Steve sighed and looked at Katie who rolled her eyes as Tony continued “By the way, how do you like the décor?”

Steve watched Katie look around and knew what she’s was going to say, because she loved this time of year, turning into one huge, great child over the entire period of December. And true to form, when she opened her mouth to reply, she was grinning ear to ear.

“I gotta say, he might be a pain in the ass but Grandmaster got this right. I love it.” She smiled.

“Yeah, me too.” Tony agreed. “It’s like Christmas but with more me.” Steve let out a snort and Tony clapped his shoulder “Remind me to give you his card.” And with that he left, Steve shooting daggers at him. Thankfully, Katie was too engrossed in what Thor was doing to hear Tony offering Steve the services of a wedding planner. He saw her frown and his attention then flicked to the tall blonde, frowning.

“What is he offering my Ma?”

“Condoms.” A voice shot back, and Steve wheeled round to glare at Bucky who had appeared out of nowhere.

“For fucks sake Buck!” he growled as Katie spluttered out a laugh.  

“Just kidding.” Bucky grinned, “They’re sweets. He handed them out before, you two were too busy dancing.”

“Sweets?” Katie arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he said he got em off a suspect…no, not a suspect, a suspects brief, yeah…”

“Bucky, are you ok?” Katie asked him and Steve looked at her, then to Bucky who did look a little, what was the word, spaced?

“Yeah, I feel…great!” He replied with a giggle.

Katie looked at him again before she let out a small “oh.” And groaned a little “Oh God.”

“What is it?” Steve asked, but she ignored him and continued talking to Bucky.

“How many of those sweets Thor has did you eat?”

“3 maybe 4…I dunno…” Bucky giggled, “I want more though.”

At that point, the man in questioned arrived. “Greetings!” Thor beamed at Katie and Steve, holding out a little foil packet “Sweet?”

“Thor, the guy who gave you those, was he wearing suspenders?” Katie asked and Steve frowned.

“Yes, I believe he was, along with a very bright lime green shirt. Nice chap.” Thor mused “He used many Post Its”

At that Steve looked at Katie, giving a little groan as he suddenly understood “Weiss?”

Katie nodded “They were a favourite little party treat of his.”

Steve snatched the bag from Thor and sniffed inside, pulling back immediately, the smell of cannabis sticking in his nostrils. “Jesus how can you not smell that?”

“Wait…” Bucky said, taking a sniff and looking at Steve “These have weed in them? The things I ate?”

Katie took a sniff and wrinkled her nose “Yup, and they’re stronger than I remember.”

“Than you remember? You used to do this?” Steve looked at her and she shrugged.

“Hey, I was younger and dumber…”

“Wait, so I’m high right now?” Bucky pressed and Katie grinned.

“Yep, they’ll wear off in a while. For the time being you’ll just feel very drunk and kinda floppy.”

“Floppy?” Steve frowned and Katie nodded.

“Yeah, like nothing matters, everything is cool. They used to make me a little frisky actually, we once took them before we…” she paled and Steve looked at her, swallowing before he turned to Thor.

“Thor, you didn’t give one of these to my ma did you?” Steve asked.

“Of course, not, no.” Thor shook his head.

“Oh thank fuck” Steve breathed out.

“I gave her two.” Thor concluded. At that Bucky’s giggles suddenly turned into loud laughter as he bent over, clutching at Thor’s arm.

“For fucks sake Thor, you drugged my mom!” Steve exploded as Bucky’s laughter grew louder.

“Sarah’s gonna be hiiiiigh.”

“Where is she?” Steve demanded, ignoring Bucky.

They scanned the room, searching for her only to see her at the other side of the dancefloor with flash fire dude, who was twirling her round to the music.

“Flame on!” She whooped, her hands up in the air as Johnny grinned.

“It’s catchy right?”

With a groan Steve strode over towards them. “Ma? What are you doing? You Ok?”

Sarah grinned at him, her eyes slightly glazed “Hey Son I’m good…just dancing with this young man.” She said, looking at Johnny then back to Steve “He says he’s called the human torch but us girls can call him torch”

Steve glared at Storm as Katie reached his side “The human torch?” he deadpanned “Seriously?”

“Hey,I didn’t coin it, it was the press that did that when we put out that warehouse fire. So called because my uniform caught fire on the way out…thanks to my sister though, I escaped with nothing more than a slight smoulder.” Steve felt Katie shaking besides him and could tell she was holding back laughter. Storm flashed her a wink and Steve grit his teeth before he felt his mom slap his shoulder.

“Don’t you be giving him that look Steven Grant! This brave man is a firefighter…” at that she turned back to Johnny, sniggering. “Now, where is your hose young man?”

“Jesus Christ…” Steve groaned, looking away in disgust.

Johnny opened his mouth to speak but Katie cut him off “Err no. Don’t.”

He shrugged and then looked at Sarah who was laughing so hard she was almost bent double.

“Ok, that’s enough Ma.” Steve decided to do what he did best, take control of the situation. “ I think you need to sit down.”

“Awww, don’t be such a buzz kill Steven.”

“It ain’t the buzz I want to kill…” Steve said, his eyes locking onto Johnny’s as he gave him another filthy glare.

After a little more cajoling they manage to get Sarah to agree to sit down. Steve helped her to her seat whilst she was rambling on about not wanting to be sat with Mr Lee again because he spent all dinner complaining about the booze not being strong enough. As they reached her table Sarah suddenly stopped.

“Actually…I think I need…yeah I need to go to my room.” She looked at Steve and Katie gave a snort.

“Hey, Steve, your ma’s crashing.”

Steve shot her a look. “This is not funny.”

Before she could respond Sam appeared and looked between the two of them, then to Sarah as he raised an eyebrow, an amused smile playing on his handsome face.

“Everything OK?” he asked.

“Yeah, she had one of Thor’s magic sweets.” Katie grinned “You wanna watch Buck, he’s had 4.”

Sam snorted, “Yeah I noticed.”

“I’m hungry.” Sarah suddenly said and Steve let out a sigh.

“Sam, can you help me get her to her room. Doll, you keep an eye on Bucky.” “I want a cheeseburger.” Sarah pointed at Steve and he looked at her.

“Ma, you’ve never eaten a cheeseburger in your life.”

“Shows much you know. A McDonalds on a Friday is my secret treat…although now I told you it’s not a secret.” She raised her finger to her lips “Sshhhh you can’t tell anyone.”

Steve rolled his eyes and started leading his ma to the door, Sam following.

“Bye Sarah!” Johnny called. “Pleasure meeting you!”

“Bye hottie!” she giggled, waving her hand at him as Sam laughed. She turned to Steve, spluttering out a laugh. ”Ha, hottie, see what I did there?”

“Yes.” Steve shook his head as he led her from the room. “Very good, Ma.”

Between Steve and Sam it was fairly easy to get Sarah to her room. Once he’d made sure she was ok and had some water he closed the door and they made their way back to the main room, Steve throwing the sweets in the trash as they passed a can on the way.

“Fucking Weiss.” He grumbled to himself as Sam gave a little chuckle.

When they arrived back in the room, it was clear a fair few of his team had managed to have one of those damned sweets before he’d confiscated them. Gina, Nat and Clint were dancing, all 3 of them with odd looks and dopey grins on their faces. Katie was on the floor with Pepper and Bucky, Bucky swaying on the spot. As Steve watched Sam headed over and winked at Katie, steering Bucky away. Steve felt someone besides him and he turned to see Bruce.

“How’s the team look to you Bruce?” he asked, a smile on his face as Bruce snorted.

“Right now we’re not a team, we’re a time bomb.”

Steve had to concede he was right, as at that moment Clint started miming as if he was shooting a bow, whereas Nat looked like she was throwing knives. Gina on the other hand was stood doing the robot.

“I need a drink.” Steve concluded.

“Good idea.” Bruce agreed.

They head to the bar where Tony was leaning against it, his tie long discarded, lecturing Peter Parker. Steve, taking lead from Tony, loosened his tie and popped the top button on his shirt before he ordered himself and Bruce a bourbon each, offering one to Tony who nodded, and then Peter who asked politely for a beer instead. The 4 men engaged in conversation, and a fair few drinks as Steve was happy to remain where he was, out of the way, every so often glancing around. It was about an hour later when he saw Clint and Natasha slowly walking towards a table, dropping down into a seat, Gina following. Bucky walked over to the bar with Sam shaking his head.

“Feeling ok Pal?” Steve grinned and Bucky blinked, rubbing his eyes.

“What the fuck just happened? It was like someone took over my brain…” he looked at them.

“I think the magic wore off.” Bruce mumbled as Steve gave a snort. “

“God, I really need food.” Buck looked around.

Steve laughed and clapped Bucky on the shoulder, ordering another round of drinks.

CONTINUED IN PART 2....

[octo-cutie]

All I Ask Of You

Pairing: Tendou Satori  x f!reader x Oikawa Tooru Warnings:  Implied NSFW at the end Rating: PG-13  Summary:  Tendou was in love with his best friend who was the lead in Phantom of The Opera. However, he was the stage manager watching as she falls in love with her castmate both on the stage and in real life. 

The orchestra was preparing to play the second to last song in the first act of The Phantom of The Opera. Tendou could feel his heart clench as he turned his headset off. Thankfully most of the cast was in the green room preparing for the next act with the exception of Atsumu who was heading up to his place in the form where he would sing the reprise and crash the exquisite chandelier on the stage ending the first act. 

The leads entered the stage. Oikawa gently held the hand of Christine who was played by Tendou’s best friend Y/N. Tendou wrapped his gangly arms around his clipboard as the leads began to talk to each other. Having just narrowly escaped a tantrum from the Phantom, Raoul and Christine had escaped to the roof of the opera house. Gently the fake snow started to fall around them and the spotlight illuminated their faces. From the first wing, Tendou watched as Oikawa gently lifted the hood of Y/N’s cloak off of her head letting her silky H/C curls fall against her shoulders framing her face oh so elegantly. 

“What you heard, was a dream and nothing more,” Oikawa said holding Y/N’s nimble hands in his own. In the wings, Tendou whispered every one of Oikawa’s lines to himself pretending it was himself holding the hands of Y/N. 

Y/N was the reason that Tendou had joined the theater. In their childhood, Y/N’s mother had taken the two of them to see! Tendou hadn’t really wanted to go but when Y/N’s beautiful E/C widened in happiness at her mother’s announcement there was zero chance of him telling her no. It was on this day that Tendou first realized that his friend was more special than before. 

His appearance drove people away. Almost everything physical about Tendou was off-putting to people. His hair was unnaturally red. His eyes seemed to follow whoever dared look in them for too long. People called his body almost monstrous but not because of its size. Sure Tendou had height, but the term referred to how gangly his arms and legs were. The kids at school steered away from him out of fear that he would try to use his guessing ability to get ahead in life. 

Only Y/N had shown him any sign of respect up until he met Ushijima but that was a different story.  

The string section of the orchestra had shifted to open up the music for “All I Ask Of You.” The song where Raoul and Christine would profess their undying love for each other. Every night for the last six weeks, Tendou had watched the love of his life speak meaning behind the words he wished he could tell her. Tendou’s breath hitched as Oikawa gingerly touched Y/N’s cheek. Even with the heat of her cloak and the spotlights, Tendou could see the tinged cheeks of his crush knowing it was not entirely from the environment around her. It was partly due to the man in front of her. 

“Yet in his eyes all the sadness of the world. Those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore.” 

Y/N’s ethereal voice rang out through the theater causing several tears to shed. Including a couple from Tendou. 

“Christine, Christine...” Oikawa pulled the girl close to his chest as Atsumu sings his echoing line prompting Oikawa and Y/N to look around in fear of the Phantom. 

And finally.

Finally. 

The worst part of the night begins. 

Oikawa takes Y/N’s hands and begins to sing softly. Tendou in the wings catches Y/N’s eye as he mouths every word of the song that Y/N had begged him to practice. 

“Who knows Satori? You could replace Oikawa!” She had said giving his arm a slight push as they ate their post-rehearsal dinner at his house. Tendou had laughed and played along in the lie but seeing it on the stage reminded him of how wrong he was to not tell her the truth at that moment. 

“No more talk of darkness. Forget these wide-eyed fears. I’m here. Nothing can harm you. My words will warm and calm you.” 

Tendou’s heart frantically increased its pace as he reminded himself of how Y/N trusted him with everything. Back in their third year of high school when Y/N’s ex had broken up with her, Tendou had created an entire pillow kingdom for her to spend the weekend in while he cheered him up. Their own perfect world where no one could get to them. But Y/N had been on her phone while he feigned sleep, silently giggling at something that illuminated the angelic features of her face. Tendou had never been one to have more than a few text messages (which were only ever from you, his parents, or the volleyball team group chat) and found himself not as attached to his phone as she was. But he couldn’t resist the smidge of jealousy that wormed its way into his heart everything you opened a snap from whoever had been making you laugh. 

“Let me be your freedom. Let daylight dry your tears. I’m here with you beside you. To guard you and to guide you.” 

He remembered when he’d found out she was transferring from Seijoh to Shiratorizawa back when they were still in high school`. Y/N hadn’t passed the entrance exams the first time around (not that she was in anyway dumb.) but had worked her butt off to retake them at the start of their second year. She had passed with flying colors and Tendou had immediately volunteered to show her around the school even though he knew that she knew every inch of Shiratorizawa grounds due to all the impromptu volleyball lessons she had attended at Tendou’s request. 

All traces of oxygen escaped Tendou when Y/N opened her mouth to sing back to Oikawa whom Tendou knew had the biggest eyes for at the moment. 

“Say you love me every waking moment. Turn my head with talk of summertime....” 

Winter, summer, spring, or fall. Tendou had fond memories of each season he spent with Y/N. In the winter the two of them would travel to Tokyo for New Years’ and pray at the shrine for a good new year. In the summertime, Tendou would bring watermelon over to her house and they would read old Shonen Jump editions with the lights and fans on while participating in self-care rituals. He has so many photos of the two of them singing entire musical tracks in facemasks and pajamas while he has his hair in 12 braids and hers held up with 3 headbands and every barrette he could find in her room. In the spring you would visit the cherry blossom festival and he would flood her Instagram with every photo they took. In the fall they would spend their time tramping around Miyagi enjoying the leaves and an American drink from Starbucks (he’d never admitted it but he was now addicted to Pumpkin Spice) 

“Say you need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true. That’s all I ask of you.” 

What a simple ask in the song but it was what needed to be asked. Both by the character Christine and himself. However, he knew that she felt nothing towards him that passed the barriers of friendship. It pierced his heart when he found out that Oikawa and Y/N had announced they had been seeing each other several years ago.  

That year Tendou had spent Valentine’s Day alone for the first time in 11 years. 

Soon after this announcement, Tendou began to see Y/N less and less as she now had two very important boys to balance in her life. 

Behind the stage, there was the green room which housed the rest of the cast. Somewhere getting a head start on their costume change for the start of the second act, some were grabbing a quick bite with an overshirt protecting their costumes. However, there was a fairly large group that had their eyes glued to the TV that broadcast the show inside the green room to help them figure out when to make their next appearance. 

“Dude he’s not gonna do it,” Kageyama whispered to Hinata who was in the middle of buttoning up his shirt for the second act. 

“Have some faith is something! They’ve been together for years!” Hinata snapped that earned him a loud “SHUSH” from the rest of the cast. Sugawara who was finishing up on Kiyoko’s make-up for Carlotta sent a sharp glare to the orange-haired boy. 

“You two need to simmer down. The audience can hear you. And yes, he probably will he’s just waiting for the right moment in the song.” Suga explained as he steadied Kiyoko’s face to draw the eyeliner on her eyes.

“Yeah shut up punks! We wanna watch it happen!” Yamamoto called from his 

A fair amount of the cast stood around the flat screen that showed Oikawa and Y/N singing to each other waiting for the surprise that neither Y/N nor Tendou was ready for. 

 “Let me be your shelter. Let me be your light. You’re safe, no one will find you. Your fears are far behind you.” 

Y/N had many fears that she had shared with Tendou over the years of their life together. Trivial ones like spiders, snakes, and things that go bump in the night but Tendou knew that her deepest fear was never finding true love which had only blossomed after her ex had broken up with her. 

“All I want is freedom. A world with no more night. And you always beside me. To hold me and to hide me.” 

What happened next sent Tendou’s heart hurtling towards a brick wall covered in spikes dripping in acid. His eyes bugged out of his head as he watched Oikawa get on one knee holding out a small velvet box. Wait where did he get that from? Tendou checked his clipboard hurriedly. There wasn’t a ring box on the props list... 

No...

“Then say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime. Let me lead you from your solitude. Say you need me with you, here beside you. Anywhere you go let me go to. Christine. That’s all I ask of you.” 

Y/N’s face burst out in the largest smile Tendou had ever seen as his heart crumbled away, physical pain coursing through his veins. He couldn’t breathe. Everything was cold and his arms were numb. This had to be a dream! Y/N wouldn’t do this! She wouldn’t because she loved him right? 

Right? 

“Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and I will follow you.” Her exquisitely happy voice broke through the barrier of silence that had surrounded the theater save for the orchestra. No, she couldn’t do this. 

“Share each day with me each night, each morning.” They both sang as Oikawa stood up and placed the ring on Y/N’s perfectly crafted finger. A place that should remain bare. A place for his ring for her. 

“Say you love me...” Y/N whispered bringing her hand to Oikawa’s face with the happiest of smiles. 

“You know I do...” Oikawa sang softly taking Y/N’s hand pressing it to his cheek. Subconsciously, Tendou reached for Y/N’s hand needing it to calm the ache in his heart that was beginning to constrict. Tendou collapsed on the ground cupping his hand against his mouth to stifle the dry sobs that had started. He needed to get out of there before someone in the audience heard him. 

“Love me! That’s all I ask of you!” 

Tendou hadn’t cared before when they kissed since it was written in the script. But tonight this kiss sealed the end for Tendou. 

He had lost Y/N before he had even had a chance with her. 

Whoops, and hollers from the audience were nothing compared to the cheers in the green room. Oikawa had been planning this proposal for months, had bought the ring the day Y/N had said yes to dating him. Everyone had placed bets on when and how he would propose but this proposal really knocked it out of the park. 

The kiss went on longer than normal since this was a special night. When the music started up again, Tendou could see the tears falling from Y/N’s beautiful e/c eyes. The tears matched his own as his lip quivered slightly. 

“Anywhere you go, let me go too. Love me, that’s all I ask of you...” 

The crowd began their applause as Y/N began her reverie as Christine. 

“I must go they’ll wonder where I am! Raoul wait for me!” Y/N exclaimed. Oikawa lets her hands go with a kiss on her dainty wrist. 

“Christine I love you!” 

“Order your fine horses! Be with them at the door!” 

“And soon you’ll be beside me!” 

“You’ll guard me and you’ll guide me.” 

And with that Y/N and Oikawa rushed off stage to the thundering applause. Tendou backed away quickly to avoid the two as they rejoiced in the privacy of the wings. He clutched his chest pulling his black shirt away in an attempt to loosen the uncomfortable friction in his chest. 

“If it wasn’t clear then Y/N I hope it is now. Will you marry me?” Oikawa asked looking into her eyes. A slight squeal from Y/N gave him his answer and they two kissed once more before running into the green room where they were greeted with a loud round of “Congratulations!” 

Meanwhile, on stage, Atsumu was singing the Phantom’s soliloquy but even with the mask propped on his face he couldn’t hide the smile that was emerging in happiness for his fellow cast members,. 

Tendou turned his headset back on and listened to the jibber jabber of the stagehands who were prepping for the next scene where the chandelier would crash onto the stage. Tendou wiped his face off to make it look as though he had a possible allergy attack and had not been mourning the loss of the love of his life. 

Gripping the mic he spoke quickly. 

“Hey, I just got an emergency text from my landlord. My apartment’s flooded and I need to go.” he lied. He didn’t bother to thank whoever agreed to relieve him and ripped his headset off throwing it to the side and narrowly avoiding the influx of cast members on his way out of the theater. 

Tendou didn’t bother to check his phone when he got home. He made a beeline for his bedroom throwing his backpack aggressively against the wall most likely shattering his computer screen and his phone. Throwing himself on the bed in a true theater fashion he drowned the pillows on his bed in salty tears. They were bitter. Filled with jealousy. All his life he’d only ever had one person who was there for him and it was Y/N. But now she was gone. 

“Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and I will follow you. Y/N... That’s all I ask of you...” 

Tendou silently sobbed himself to sleep that night with the once dreamlike images of Y/N now torturing him as dubious nightmares. 

______________________________________________________________

You were in the green room with your fiancé’s arm tucking you into his side. Your giddy expression hadn’t left your face since the moment Oikawa had proposed to you. 

It was such a perfect proposal and the audience ate it up! You were fairly certain that there had been several reporters and critics in the audience. You loved Oikawa and this along with his proposal was the beginning of a brand new world for the two of you. 

Looking around the green room, everyone was prepping to leave for the night. Y/N couldn’t find Tendou and felt like something was off since he wasn’t there to greet her with a warm chamomile tea and a bao bun like usual. 

“Tooru, love I’m going to go get my phone but let’s head home once I grab it.” You whispered in his ear. Oikawa giggled in her ear and let her go. As you packed up your belongings, you texted Tendou asking him where he was. 

You got no response. 

You shrugged it off thinking that maybe he’d headed home and his phone may have died. You and your fiancé headed out of the theater with a cheerful goodbye heading to your apartment happy as could be. 

When you got home, you had barely unlocked the door when Oikawa’s lips met yours in a fiery passion. Together your lips danced together as small noises escaped your mouth hungrily eaten up by Oikawa as he pushed you into a wall closing the door with a kick of his foot. 

Oikawa picked you up and carried you into your shared bedroom as you continued to make out ferociously. Biting his bottom lip your tongue entered his mouth exploring the crevices inside. Oikawa’s nimble fingers made quick work of disposing of your shirt and bra. 

“God Y/N... I was thinking about this all night. The moment you said yes I wanted to whisk you away back here.” Oikawa growled as he bit your ear and began to kiss the underside of your jaw as you mewled. 

Your passionate night was uninterrupted by the silence of your phone. You didn’t even bother to look at it until the next day. 

In your messages, your text to Tendou remained on delivered.  Achingly you fumbled against the nightstand looking for your cellphone. 

Right as you grabbed it a text from Tendou appeared. 

Y/N. 

I wanted to tell you from the moment that I met you that I liked you. We had all the same interests and together we were unstoppable as stage manager and lead! I guess it’s times like these where I am reminded of the day we met. 

I would never treat you any different than the way you treat me. 

I love you. I have for years and I will never stop loving you. But I know you love Oinky right? sorry that’s what Waka-kun calls him lol! Anyway, I’ll see you around. 

You were speechless. For years you had had some inkling that maybe Tendou saw you more than a friend but despite having been friends for so long, you had never felt as though they were genuine. Fleeting moments of hello and goodbye. 

Unbeknownst to Tendou, is that you still love him even if it would never be reciprocated. All Tendou wanted to ask you was to keep him together. 

The End.

Please Note: 

I am the original owner of this work which was previously posted on my now side blog @squiddlie​. Please do not assume that this is plagiarized work. 

[megbox]

2020 Year in Review

Previous Posts: (2019) (2018) (2017) (2016) (2015) (2014) (2013) (2012) (2011) 

2020 is a weird year because as the world goes through something collectively extremely traumatic and that is radically changing the structure of our lives, our workplaces, the way we connect socially, our mental health… our response to disease…. SO MUCH ABOUT THE WORLD…. And yet the day-to-day of living in a pandemic is so… mundane. I am privileged enough to have that opinion. I have stayed securely employed and it is privilege for my main reaction to something as intense as this pandemic to be boredom. But really, 2020 was a year of absences. It was a year spent largely alone, in my own company. It was a year that forced me to rest. It was a year that made me feel so terribly lonely but also forced me to get acquainted with myself and enjoy my own company in a new way. And it was a year of running. 

I would also like to thank Connor for making this post happen by reminding me to do it and not to break tradition. 

January & February 

I am combining these months because they were not altogether all that memorable. My resolutions, as I noted on Twitter on January 2, were to 1) Keep running and 2) Learn how to make fresh pasta dough. I can safely say – mission accomplished on both fronts. 

On January 14, I had the privilege of presenting a suicide intervention lecture to students at the medical school where my brother goes. By that time, I’d done a million of these presentations so nerves aren’t really a factor (imagine that! Me, no longer remotely afraid of public speaking…), but this one meant a little extra to me. My brother is so highly accomplished, and I am so proud of him, and I enjoyed having an opportunity to show him what I do and make him proud of me. I wore my favourite dress and did my hair all nice and he described it later as “exceptional.” It was a really, really good feeling. The first weekend of February, Ali and I had planned to go to Jasper. We wanted to go for a hike or two, and get super stoned and go to the planetarium. A huge blizzard hit Alberta just before we were supposed to leave, so we ended up having a staycation here in Calgary. We rented a hotel room, went swimming, drank wine, went to Japanese Village, had drinks in the lounge and then later to a punk rock band roulette night at the Palomino and finally crawled into our giant hotel bed and fell asleep to Remember the Titans… of all movies. It was the kind of night where you simultaneously feel 18 and 35 years old. 

March 

March was when the pandemic really started to become real. I don’t know exactly why, but I did not take the threat of coronavirus very seriously until the last minute. My coworkers would whisper about it in the hallways and I just rolled my eyes. But then, people started deciding they would work from home, the number of us in the office dwindled. The vibe was bad. Nobody could really focus. They held meetings at 8am and 4pm every day just for COVID-19 updates and we all waited with bated breath for them to finally tell us to go home and not come back. I really feel like I didn’t acknowledge the true implications of this virus until we got the official work from home order, and I had to tell my boss, my laptop at home is too old to run this software, I need a work tablet. My first official work from home day was March 23, 2020. I don’t remember much about that time except that the general sense of panic and anxiety made my job a lot busier, and it is hard to do a job like mine from home because it is hard to counsel or reassure clients through anxieties that are hitting you just as hard. I coped with wine, a lot of running, and listening to Ben Gibbard’s afternoon live streams where he would play acoustic versions of Death Cab songs and other covers. He played New Slang by the Shins one night and I burst into tears. I also coped with teaching myself how to make fresh pasta dough, and enjoying what was, at that point in the pandemic, the novelty and fun of Zoom. 

April 

In the absence of being able to have a party for my birthday, I decided to be obnoxious and do a “challenge” on my Instagram story. I asked my friends to record a distance run and/or walked and send it to me as a birthday present. My actual birthday ended up being a cold and windy and pretty miserable day. I ran 12km myself, came back home and watched both Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL, and then went to my parents’ to celebrate both Scott and I’s birthdays with our family. My friends dropped off presents to my door and drove past my house and honked and I felt very loved and appreciated. I drank a lot of Prosecco with my brother and we listened to Kacey Musgraves. 

It was also in April that I become “acquainted” with my neighborhood running nemesis. I put acquainted in apostrophes because I have never actually spoken to him. On one fateful run in April, I happened to catch up to him on my regular route. This was at the height of the COVID fear and so, while I would usually just pass someone on the sidewalk, I went out into the street. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and SPED UP. WHICH IS SUCH BAD RUNNER ETIQUETTE LIKE DUDE I’M IN THE ROAD LET ME PASS YOU. And then we ended up in this like, all-out 100m-finals-at-the-motherfucking-Olympics sprint challenge when all I was trying to do was go for a leisurely training run. And then I finally passed him, turned a corner and had to like collapse on to my hands and knees to catch my breath. Since then, I see this man running all the time. Sometimes while I am also running, sometimes from my car when I am driving through my neighborhood. He’s like… 16. And we are very competitive with one another. I hope to one day actually say hello to him. I both hate that guy and have to thank him for the motivation. 

I ran my first half marathon on April 13, 2020. I was very hungover because I had stayed up quite late with someone on Zoom the night before on a virtual “first date” that had gone much better than anticipated. I don’t know why but I woke up the next morning in such a good mood that I decided I would go for a long, slow run. I got to 18km and figured, what’s 3.1 more? And so, I did it. The first thing I did upon finishing was call my mom. The second thing I did was contemplate calling an Uber to drive me the 2km left to my house. The other notable thing in April is that Maddy moved back from Australia, begrudgingly and a LOT earlier than planned, because of COVID. 

May

May was kind of a blur. It was the first month of the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee, which I signed up for while coming off of the high of actually running a half marathon all by myself. The GVRAT was fucking awesome. It was created by Lazarus Lake, of Barkley Marathons fame. The ask is to run 1022.68km between May 1 and August 31, an average of about 8.3km per day. Well, you could run, walk, or hike. This is the actual distance it would take you to cover the state of Tennessee. Myself and about 20,000 other weirdos from around the world signed up for this challenge. I figured I would never get a chance to run in a Lazarus Lake race for real, and being home all the time opened up a lot more opportunity for training. It was one of the very best things I did for myself in 2020. So May involved a lot of running, because I was fresh and naïve and fully intended to be ahead of the curve. I was running about 10-12 per day, sometimes more, and not taking any rest days. 

In between these runs, I spent a lot of time going on long, ambling quarantine walks with Maddy. We would either go for a long walk or she would come over and we would get absolutely hammered in my backyard playing beer pong just to pass the time. We would send snapchats to our exes and make TikToks like 18 year olds. I know we never really said it out loud but having eachother during this time made these months bearable. We were lamenting the loss of a summer, and Maddy’s time in Australia, and all of the expectations we had for ourselves. We were watching our friends in relationships move in together or get closer due to the quarantine. We needed companionship, and stupid things to laugh about, and love, and distraction. And I can genuinely say I would not have gotten through this quarantine period if it weren’t for the nights I spent shooting Pink Whitney and dancing to Party in the USA in my living room with her. 

May 13th was my one year anniversary of working at the university. It felt good to have accomplished so many things in that time, and have moved up already in my job, and to have a full-time, permanent contract.

And May 16th was when I ran my second half-marathon as part of a virtual challenge put on by a friend of a friend. My parents came and sat in lawn chairs in the park while I did loops. They cheered me on and filled my water bottle for me when I ran out. They’re my number one supporters and I love having a family that does that kind of shit for me in the face of something arbitrary like a virtual half marathon challenge. I knocked 7 minutes (!) off my original time. Amazing what not being hungover can do for your fitness levels. 

June 

I don’t remember many important things about June, other than Maddy moving to Banff. It was depressing but I was also happy for her and happy to have an excuse to go out there and visit. I went the very first weekend after she moved. Halfway through June I seriously contemplated quitting the GVRAT. My shins were bruised, I was dreading every single run, and I could not fathom doing it for 2.5 more months. I was dragging behind in the standings and losing my motivation. 

I spent a lot of time with friends reading in parks. Sometimes, often, with wine. I met a stranger in Canmore Park and ended up kissing him. He was lovely. 

Ali and I had one really good day in June where we went to the Farmer’s Market and then came back to her place and watched Ru Paul’s drag race for like eight straight hours. It was one of those days where we hadn’t seen each other in so long and you just feel totally high off of friendship and absolutely everything is funny and you just can’t stop laughing. I vividly remember it as one of the best days of the year. 

July

Again, July kind of passed in a blur. I did a lot of hiking, and a lot of running… keeping up with the GVRAT. I hiked Picklejar Lakes, Castle Mountain, Little Beehive Lookout. 

I went to Banff for a weekend to hang out with Maddy. We had a predictably wild weekend with her roommates and friends. We had dinner at Chili’s (hell yeah) and then went to High Rollers for beers and bowling. The “thing to do” at that point for all of these Banff people was to meet at the “rec grounds” aka public firepits and drink. The police would generally leave you alone so long as you weren’t being rowdy. I sat next to an Australian named Josh at a picnic table and later took him back to my hotel room and he gave me the world’s most unbelievable obvious hickey. Maddy and I sweat out the tequila shots the next day with a long ass hike, and then had a nap before her brother came and took us climbing at the Sunshine slabs – an activity I was not very good at but I wanted to be good at. It was the kind of weekend where you feel like, okay, I definitely indulged my wild side. And you drive home just like totally exhausted but smiling. I sent Maddy’s brother a voice note on my way into town thanking him for taking us climbing and saying it was nice to see him.

August

Okay – August was actually really eventful. Like most of the year’s events happened in August, honestly. A lot of running and hiking. I did Ha Ling Peak for the first time, and we did a 30km hike to Aylmer Pass one day that was a fricken GRIND. I spent the long weekend in Saskatchewan. We went to a cidery, and I ran laps around my Dodo’s acreage, and then we got to visit Wakaw Lake and reunite with our old next-door neighbours. We took the boat out and went tubing and lit fireworks and had an amazing dinner and honestly it was like reliving my childhood in the best, best, best way. I fell asleep on the car ride home. 

I went camping with Ali in Sylvan Lake. We got ice cream and cooked fish tacos over the campfire. She told me that Cody had a date planned for the day they took possession of their house, that she wondered if he might ask her to marry him but didn’t want to get her hopes up in case it didn’t happen and ruin what otherwise was supposed to be a celebratory day. Spoiler – he did ask her to marry him  I was running when she called me. I was listening to Epsilon by Kygo, and now when I hear that song I always think of them. I stopped my watch and just openly bawled on the street out of happiness for them. 

Steven successfully defended his master’s thesis. We went camping in Waterton to celebrate with Matt, Kennedy, Regan, Scott, and Rie. They brought cake. We did a sunrise hike. I slept in the back of my Ford Escape. 

On August 27, Ollie passed away. It was both expected and unexpected. He had been having some issues with seizures. The vet didn’t think it was anything to be too concerned about, he was old and it wasn’t uncommon for them to happen. It happened suddenly. I had a terrible sleep that night, and woke up in a cold sweat somewhere between 3 and 4 am. In the morning, my mom called me and told me the news. He had a giant seizure in the night and was crying and yelping. They woke up and took him to the emergency vet, they made the executive call to put him down to prevent any further suffering. He died right around the time I woke up in the middle of the night. I like to think that was his way of saying goodbye, maybe. I cried all day. Well, let’s be honest, I cried all week. I burst into tears at the mere thought of him. He was such a good and lovely dog. He was so loved by us. He had a good life. It is always sad when we lose pets so early. They bring so much joy to our lives, and still when I go to my parents’ place the first thing I want to do is call for him or pet him. I hope he is running around in whatever the pet afterlife is. I miss him. 

And on August 31, I ran my last kilometre of the GVRAT. I finished with 733.78 run, 83.18 hiked, and 205.09 walked. 

September

September was a nice break from running. I got to start coming to campus one day a week, on Thursdays, which was good for my mental health and work productivity. I got to spend September long in Vernon with Maeghan and Madison at Michael’s family’s cabin. They took us boating and made us meals and didn’t judge us for drinking margaritas with Michael’s sister literally all day. It was the best. It was the epitome of every summer weekend you dream about. I was so happy I got to go. 

I met a boy in September. It’s always September, isn’t it? It feels weird to write about him. Like, that makes him significant. But. He is significant. And I met him in September. And it was unexpected. Last minute. And essentially not a day has gone by since that day in September that I have not thought about him.

I also joined a Calgary Sport and Social Club team with my friends for softball and it started in September. We played two games and then I tore my hamstring running from second to third base. I tore… my hamstring…. Running like 30 metres…. After a summer of literally running 10+ km every day. I… it was the worst day ever. Softball itself was amazing and so fun even though I really do suck at the sport but highly recommend Rec League C-level beer league softball with all of your best friends. There’s just no way that isn’t fun. 

October 

A lot of pouting about my hamstring, I went to two physio sessions and then decided to just start running again. I’m bad. I’m a bad example. Don’t do what I do… but also…. It worked. 

I went to Victoria to visit Sydney over the Thanksgiving weekend. We went to a Thanskgiving potluck party at my old coworker’s place. It was a nice experience to be the new people at a party, to have a room full of new people to meet and who ask you questions about your life. We got really drunk and they tried setting Sydney up with one of their roommate’s brothers, and gave us lipstick to try, and poured us tequila shots. We had such an amazing meal. It was honestly so fun. We laughed in the cab the whole way back about how we were going to need to debrief that evening HARD the next morning. We watched a lot of All Gas No Brakes, and went for dinner and brunch and I limped up Mount Doug with my hamstring. It was a very very chill weekend, like we spent a lot of time just lounging at Sydney’s apartment and doing nothing. Because that is the kind of friends we are. It was so relaxing and lovely. I was sad to leave. 

Karla, my roommate, left for New York at the end of October. Her aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she and her mom made the executive move to go there to basically be with her for the end of her life. She wasn’t going to be back until December. I was happy, because it’s nice to have a place to myself, but also sad because Karla is lovely and I knew it was going to be a stressful situation for her. 

November / December

I am combining these two months because they have also been largely uneventful. In fact… I don’t know if I could really tell you anything significant that happened. We’ve been in a lockdown. I’ve spent my time playing piano, watching Netflix, listening to podcasts, basically doing all of the things I usually do when I’m bored. Lots of Among Us. Lots of outdoor things… skating… more running. We’ve been in a lockdown since early December. Time has dragged on since then. I spent Christmas with my parents. Scott and Rie stayed isolated, because Scott is in and out of the hospital for school. My mom and I watched shitty Christmas Hallmark movies and made fun of the guys who star in them. We drank a LOT on Christmas Eve and both spent Christmas with a wicked hangover. My dad and I ate edibles and I was launched into the stratosphere. I spent New Year’s Eve with Boy from September. We played beer pong, and card games, and he tried to use a coat hangover to pick the lock on the mysterious room that my landlord keeps locked. We spent most of the night kissing, honestly. I was happy to spend the last moments of the year with him.

2021: 

Honestly... at this point... who really knows? 

[purplesurveys]

1195

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

—:: Who ::—

... was the last person you saw face to face? I passed by my brother last night when I had to go to the kitchen to fill up my tumbler.

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Angela; I was just asking her for the difference among A4/A5/A6 since I’m now planning to buy a binder and sleeves for my rapidly increasing collection of photocards and postcards. It really frustrates me that A4 is the biggest one and A6 the smallest :((((

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kata, my manager. She filed a half-day leave last Friday to get herself and her family vaccinated in her town, so she had sent me over a very long to-do list of deliverables that she asked me to fulfill while she was out. Eventually she ended up filing a whole-day leave since she felt feverish after being under the sun all day, and also possibly from side effects of the vaccine, so I ended up carrying the entire workload for the day. I like Kata and she’s a very easy person and superior to work with, so I honestly couldn’t complain about it.

... was the last person you lent something to? Ooh, I don’t remember. I don’t really lend people things.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Andi was just sharing to me their worries about taking the LAE (scheduled for today) and how they’ll be okay if they don’t pass.

... is the tallest person you know? Jo is like 5′7″ and we all look like beans when standing next to her. One of my uncles is also very tall; around 5′10″ or 5′11″ if I’m not mistaken.

... the shortest person you know? I think Aya? That’s just a smart guess, though; I haven’t seen most of my friends in more than a year.

... your oldest (in years) friend? Mik is turning 28 this year. Sometimes I forget just how much older he is than me since we vibe really well together during the rare times we did get to hang out. I’m still bummed we never got that smoke break we wanted to have.

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Angela.

... is your youngest friend? Hannah was born in 2000. Peter was born in 2001 but we aren’t that close yet.

... is your newest friend? I haven’t made any new friends recently. Stan Twitter is lonelier than I thought it would be; everyone is already friends with everyone so it’s hard to break that space. Not to mention everyone is also grossly younger than I am – I keep seeing profiles with ‘2004′ on their bio :/ I should start making an effort to look for older ARMYs lol, I definitely feel like I’d have more fun that way.

... is your closest relative? My eldest cousin on my mom’s side, my Kuya.

... was your favourite teacher? My music teacher from high school. I neeeeeever liked music as a subject and it was never a priority of mine, but she always kept our classes something for me to look forward with her advice and the way she was always able to make lessons interesting.

... was your least favourite teacher? Those who made it clear they didn’t like me, even though I didn’t do anything to deserve such hostility.

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? My siblings and cousins since we all lived together at one point.

... knows you the best? My two best friends.

... always beats you in games or sports? Andi would probably be able to beat me in any game. They just let me win because they know I can be a sore loser.

... who is the most creative of the people you know? My family is pretty artistic and I have a lot of talented relatives - my sister and my cousin Maggie paint and draw; my mom can make any kind of craft she wants, with her hnds; and one of my grand-aunts regularly does paintings. I think all of them are amazingly creative in their own way.

... is the funniest person you know? Probably Andi. Hans makes me crack up too.

... is the most organised that you know? My mom.

... that you know has travelled the most? My dad. Both our fridge doors are filled from top to bottom with magnets from places he’s travelled in due to his line of work. He’s toned down quite a bit in the last few years and has taken to staying within Asia, but back then his traveling history was super expansive – Germany, Jamaica, Italy, Belize, Aruba, Italy, France, Monaco, Denmark, Norway, the UK, US, Estonia, Portugal, etc.

... has always been there for you? Angela never left my side.

... has given you the most personal gift? I can’t possibly pick, my friends are pretty good at giving me gifts...like Andi getting me a Petals For Armor CD and a Punk shirt that hasn’t been produced in a while, and Angela giving me a personalized Friends mug because she knows I like my coffee and she knows I like Friends.

... has an annoying laugh? I don’t think anyone I know has an annoying laugh.

... never forgets a birthday? That would be me.

... do you live with? My parents, my two siblings, and our two dogs.

...,do you have the most in common with? I’m not so sure about this one, actually. I share bits of my personality with a lot of people - like me and Jo liking BTS, me and Andi liking wrestling, Blanch and I having similar personalities, me and Laurice being super meticulous when it comes to our work, etc. - but I haven’t met anyone who’s virtually a duplicate of mine when it comes to my traits and interests.

...is the sportiest person you know? I’m also not sure. Most people I know are into watching a bunch of sports, but none of them actually play.

...was your last missed call? It was an unknown number that I kept ignoring because THEY WOULDN’T TEXT WHO THEY WERE. If you have enough load credits to call me multiple times, then surely you can text me and introduce yourself first, and maybe then I can pick up the phone.

...did you last open your door for? My sister knocked last Friday because someone wanted to talk to me via landline. It was weird since no one calls via the phone anymore, but I have a gut feeling it was that ^ same person who had been trying to call me through my phone but never texted me. Eventually I learned it was one of the bloggers I’m talking to for work who just wanted to ask a few questions about our ongoing engagement.

... has your heart? Kim Taehyung. Expect the same answer for this type of question moving forward.

... has your respect? I gotta hand it to Tina for consistently doing well in her studies and excelling in every subject while doing photo and video editing for two orgs, working on her thesis, and being a board member in our mutual org, all while living alone. She does so well I wish I can tell her to give herself the occasional break to avoid burnout.

...do you share a special song with? I don’t think I have that with anyone.

...do you miss right now? Literally allllllll my friends.

...last made you angry? It’s been a while since I’ve directed my anger towards another person. When I get pissed off these days it’s usually over a situation that goes awry or out of my control.

...did you last buy a gift for? So this was not technically meant to be a gift, but what happened was I accidentally secured two orders of the same poster set, which was a part of this new BTS photobook coming out later this month, from two different shops. One of the shops merely posted an ‘interest check’ for the poster set so I signed up for it thinking it was harmless, but when they got back to me they already attached an invoice :/ I ended up having to pay for it just so things won’t get complicated between myself and the shop anymore; and I told Angela she can just keep the extra set I bought and that she can consider it a gift.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? My family and technically my workmates since I didn’t file a leave that day. I also had food delivered to their house so I guess that can count as my ‘celebration’ with them.

...have you gone to a concert with? I went with Angela for my first Paramore show.

...can make you laugh? Anyone can tbh. It’s not very hard to make me laugh.

...has taught you how to do something? Nina taught me how to embroider and do basic needle/thread skills back when I was still getting into the hobby.

...has lost something of yours? I am almost certain my ex never kept the handwritten letters I used to write her. She never seemed to remember or bring up the things I wrote.

...has broke your heart? Gabie but I’m over it.

...has stood you up? Hasn’t happened to me before.

:: What ::

Is your favourite colour? Pastel pink.

Can you do that most your friends can’t? Type fast, apparently.

Is your birthday? April 21.

Colour eyes do you have? Dark brown/black.

Form of transport do you take to work/school? I work from home. But under normal circumstances I would drive my car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? I connect my Spotify to the car’s Bluetooth and listen to whatever artist or playlist I’m into at the moment. The music I put on could also depend on my current mood for the day.

Languages can you speak? Filipino and English. I’ve also been able to pick up looooots of Korean phrases and expressions because of the amount of content I watch. I’m nowhere near fluent, of course, but I’m increasingly able to pick up what people say based off a few Korean words I’ll hear in a sentence.

Was the last thing you drank? Continued from idk. I finished off my glass of water from dinner.

Was the last thing you ate? My mom made pasta.

Time did you wake up this morning? Depends on how late I slept the night before and how tired I was, but it usually ranges between 5:45–7:30 AM.

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re white.

Drink do you usually order when eating out? I never order drinks unless I’m at La Creperie, in which case I always get their San Gines hot chocolate; for everywhere else that isn’t a bar, I just get water.

Food can you cook well? ...I can’t cook.

Animals have you had for a pet? Dogs, rabbit, lovebirds, goldfish, and technically a cat but she was mostly Nina’s.

Are your initials? RC.

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I’m still kind of stuck at home during the weekends :/ so I can’t do much, but I’m not complaining since I actually prefer staying in these days. Anyway, most recently I’ve taken to catching up on BTS content I’ve missed over the last 8 years, so I like watching shows they’ve done like Bon Voyage, Run BTS, etc.

Movie do you know line by line? Two for the Road, TITANIC, and probably most of White Chicks.

Band(s) have you seen in concert? Paramore, One Direction, a bunch of local bands.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? It’s usually food - I like giving myself a feast every Friday night - but I’m putting that in the backseat for now as I’ve realigned my money to be spent on BTS merch. My big purchases are saved for the albums for now, but every now and then I’ll see a postcard or photocard I like and buy them. Once I complete the albums I’ll be moving on to the concert DVDs, then the special packages, then probably BT21 plushies. Needless to say I have a longggggg way to go haha.

Colours your phone cover? I have a clear case.

Part of the world would you love to visit? Another continent would be nice.

Question do you dislike being asked? Even though I know people mean well, I don’t like being asked “How are you?” but tbh it’s more of a me thing because I just never really know what to say.

Subject were you good at in school? History.

Careers do your parents have? They both work in the hospitality industry.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? For clothes clothes I’m not really loyal to a particular brand; I buy from different brands and shops all the time. But for shoes, I like sticking to Nikes.

Chocolate bar is your favourite? Not a big fan of chocolate bars. I love Reese’s Cups, though.

TV show have you watched every series of? Friends, Perfect Strangers, Breaking Bad.

Radio station do you listen to the most? It’s a little hard to tell at this point considering I haven’t driven regularly in over a year. But back when I used to do it, I usually flipped among 93.1, 99.5, and 87.5.

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts. Find them a tad bit boring.

Is your favourite dessert? Macarons or cheesecake.

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? Ride a bike.

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? Loyalty, thoughtfulness, honest, sensitive to my needs and those of others, and intelligent.

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? ^ Pretty much the same thing.

Size pizza do you usually order? Family size usually.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I’ve been getting Japanese so many times recently. I rarely go outside sushi.

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black and white, and colors that were in at one point like mustard yellow and pastel pink.

Toothpaste brand do you use? Colgate.

Sounds can you hear right now? My insanely loud aircon.

Is the weather like today? Like hell. I believe we’re reaching a heat index of over 50ºC every day now, so...that’s fun. It gets absolutely difficult to work in the afternoon when the temperature is at its most brutal, and its times like this I wish I got to work in the office so that there’s aircon and I could at least work comfortably :/

Are your plans for tomorrow? Just work and have tons of meetings, the usual.

:: Where ::

Do you keep your phone when not using it? I keep my phone near me even when I’m not using it since I could always get an important notification.

Were you born? Manila.

Do you go to unwind? Most days it would be the rooftop, but under normal circumstances I like staying at a coffee shop somewhere to escape life and my responsibilities for a short while.

Is your best friend right now? I believe they’re both at home since they have no reason to be out anyway.

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Personally, I would just go to the Starbucks near our village lol. If I’m feeling a bit more adventurous I’d head to Katip, which is prrrretty close by but not quite.

Is the nearest restaurant? We have a McDonald’s literally right beside the village. Then besides that is a Shakey’s, and right across that is a Burger King, then the aforementioned neaby Starbucks. Just makes me realize how urbanized my town has gotten in the last few years.

Is the nearest beach? If I had to guess, the nearest beaches would be in Batangas which is 2-3 hours away, but it really depends on how fast you can drive lol. I’m not too good with long car rides so in both times I’ve driven there I had always taken 4 hours.

Did you meet your closest friend? I met Angela in grade school, and I met Andi at a local rally in my university.

Did you go for your last vacation? Tagaytay, though it was a staycation more than anything else.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? It’s like a 3-minute drive away from the village.

Did you last get an injury? I have loadsssssss of new scratches and gashes all around my wrists from playing with Cooper.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? It’s a toss-up between Aids’ or Gian’s house. Gian would probably win since I never actually got to go inside Aids’ place, and his was the first house I’ve been to that was able to literally take my breath away. OH and Shaun’s house was pretty fucking swanky as well.

Do most the local kids play? I would have no idea since I’m neither a kid nor a parent.

Have you been with your family? This is a very vague question lol...what do you mean where have we been? We’ve been to different towns around the country and several countries together, if that’s what you’ve been asking.

Did you spend Christmas last year? We visited a couple of relatives, and we also spent it at home.

Did your parents grow up? My mom grew up within Metro Manila; my dad in a city a little outside of it.

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment and always am at home.

Would you like to go right now if you could? If life had still been normal I would probably be having after-work drinks at a bar near the office.

Do you miss the most from your childhood? I’m not sure how to answer this with where.

Is the best restaurant you know? I’m still searching for it.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? It’s not that it was bad, but I’d probably never dine at 8Cuts again because their burgers are not worth the hype and are very overpriced for their size.

:: When ::

...was your last vacation? My family’s last legit vacation was in August 2019; but we did have a quick escape to Tagaytay in January of this year.

...did you graduate? I officially ‘graduated’ from college in August, if you could even call it that.

...did you decide what career you wanted? Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd year of college. That was when I decided I hated journalism and preferred PR, but since PR is under journalism’s umbrella there was no need for me to shift courses.

...did you have your first kiss? Continued. Like WHEN when or how old was I when? In any case, it was in January 2015 and I ws 16.

...did you learn how to swim? Idk, pretty early on. My parents liked taking us to water parks when we were younger, so we had a lot of exposure. I’m not sure if there was ever a time where something just clicked and I learned how to swim; I believe it had just come naturally.

...did you have your first relationship? By the end of 2014.

...did you meet your best friend? I met both of them in school, but at different points.

...do you feel the most at peace? Probably when I’m able to stay at the rooftop all alone.

...do you usually fall asleep? I’ve readjusted my body clock now (I used to want to be in bed by 9 or 10 PM, lmao) and I stay up until anywhere between 12-2 AM on weekdays.

...do you usually wake up? Ranges between 6-7:30 AM.

...did you last watch a movie? September.

...did you last go to a party? Around Februaryish, 2020.

...did you last cry? I can’t really recall. The last moment I can remember was crying over Life Goes On sometime last month, when I heard it for the first time. I’m just not sure if that’s accurate or when exactly in April that happened.

...did you laugh really hard? I always have a good laugh at least once a day.

...did you buy something pricey last? Idk what you would count as pricey but I bought the new BTS photobook set when it dropped back in April. Cost me around ₱3750. I wasn’t able to buy from the first press (it sold out in like 7 minutes lol) which included an exclusive poster set, so I had to look for a local shop that was already offering the poster set separately, and ended up shelling out another ₱2200 for it...which means all in all I spent around ₱5950 for it or roughly $125.

...did you have an argument last? Earlier this evening but I don’t want to get into it as it made me cry from sadness and frustration for the first time in months.

...did you last have a sick day? May last year.

...did you last recieve a hug? I have no idea. February, I think? when I hung out with my friends.

...when is your best friend’s birthday? July 22 or September 15, depends on which best friend.

...did you learn how to drive? I started getting lessons when I was 17, but I didn’t start feeling comfortable with it until I turned 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? Around a couple of weeks ago when my dad came home with Jollibee for us.

:: How ::

Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? Three that I can remember, but I know my parents moved around a bit when I was a newborn.

Often do you shower? Every morning before my shift. I hate feeling sweaty and icky when I report for work.

Well can you cook? I can’t at all.

Many close friends do you have? I have two people I count as my absolute best friends, but I have a handful of close friends as well.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? One of each.

Often do you go swimming? I don’t swim much at all, really...I haven’t done it since 2019, so that should say enough. As relaxing as it is, I feel like the clean-up afterwards can be such a challenge lol. Like if you swim in a pool you have to rigorously wash the chlorine off of you; and if you swim in the sea you have to also be thorough about making sure you’ve removed all the sand from your body.

Many times have you texted today? I don’t think I texted today but I did spend my whole day on chat platforms.

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I don’t have super particular preferences; I just like mine on the burnt side.

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? My coffee has to be sweet for me to enjoy it. I can take black coffee/Americano; I’ll just wince a lot with every sip. No tea for me thanks.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? With a lot of food.

Are you feeling today? A little frustrated because of an argument incident this evening. But I’m shaking it off and just focusing on the release of Butter tomorrow. My first BTS comeback!!!

Serious are you about your career goals? Very.

Many rooms are in your house? In total, 9.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I was never consistent. I slacked off a looooooot in grade school; couldn’t give less of a shit about my classes then. I got a bit more hardworking in high school, but I still was a bit lax and I allowed myself to not put a lot of effort in subjects I didn’t care a lot for and that I know I would never have to use in real life, like chemistry or accounting, so there were exams I really excelled in and others that I would fail. It was only in college I started taking my studies incredibly seriously and I believe that showed in the grades I eventually got.

Close do you live to your parents? They’re like, five steps away.

Close do you live to your siblings? My sister’s literally in the room next to mine.

Sensitive to criticism are you? I know it’s something that can never be avoided, so I’m always open to hearing them, especially if it’s meant to help me. It doesn’t mean I enjoy it as it is being given.

Motivated to make changes are you? Depends on my mood and mindset. 

Creative are you (1-10): -0.5.

Hard working are you (1-10): Probably a 22 if I really put my head into a task.

Sporty are you (1-10): I dunno, maybe a 6? I do like playing table tennis, but I’m pretty meh at any other sport.

Musical are you (1-10): 0.

Do you prefer your eggs? Runny yolk; scrambled; or a really packed omelette.

Often do you go out to eat? Before the pandemic, I liked eating out 2-3 times a week.

Would your best friend describe you? Not sure, I never tried asking them this. I hope it’s all nice things, though.

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? Send me photos of V. Hahahaha

Often do you meet up with your friends? ...What do you think? D:

Important is religion to you? It is not a part of my life whatsoever.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? 15 or 16, I can’t really remember.

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was maybe 6.

Tech savvy are you? I know enough to survive my own, but I obviously can’t hack into other computers or things like that.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? Buying them food.

Often do you cut your hair? I only take a trip to the salon once a year.

Often do you paint your nails? Never.

Many countries have you visited? Six.

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Just one.

:: Why ::

... did you choose your username? Because it was straightforward.

... did you take this survey? I like surveys made in categories, and this seemed interesting and varied enough.

... did you choose the career you did? I found that I enjoyed it MILES more than journalism.

...did you last leave the house? I had to go to a local LBC for a work errand.

...did you last give up on something? She wasn’t worth the effort anymore. She hadn’t been for a while, but it took me forever to realize.

...did you search the last thing you searched? I wanted to sing along to the song but it was in Japanese, so I had to look up its lyrics.

...would you give up on someone completely? Oof, I guess you can refer to one of the previous questions. ^

:: If...::

You could live in any country which would you choose? Canada.

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? I’m perfectly content with dogs.

You could be famous for something what would you like? Being known for a funny tweet would probably be enough lol. I have no desire to be famous.

You are sad, how do you combat it? I don’t really get sad anymore these days, so I can’t super remember the go-to tactics I depend on...I guess I like listening to sad songs and allowing myself to wallow in the sadness, because I know I have to accept and process my feelings first before I can be able to calm down.  

You can drive when did you learn? I learned shortly before I started college, when I was 18, because no one was going to be able to take me to university when the school year started.

You could have any job what would it be? Idk, I like the one I have now.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? Somewhere with a completely different feel and atmosphere, like Norway, Sweden, Finland...that part of Europe, basically.

You could eat anything right now what would it be? Samgak gimbap :/

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? It would be a book of essays or maybe a memoir.

You had a theme song what would it be? Idk I don’t really think about this.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? Billie Eilish seems awesome and easy and fun to talk to.

You could act in any movie which would it be? No thanks.

You get married what venue would you like? Hotel.

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have one name picked out for a girl but that’s it.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? Brutalist and minimalist, with large windows, cove lights, and a lot of white space.

You could go back in time what would you change? Break up with Gab earlier.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? Could’ve been better.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? When I would die and how, just so I can have peace of mind.

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

Meet anyone who no longer lives who’d you choose? My great-grandfather, mom’s side.

:: Can ::

... you ride a bike? No, never learned.

... you ski? I’ve never even seen snow, so no.

... you bake a cake? I can try but it will probably be very clumsily made as I don’t bake.

... you sing well? I wouldn’t say that. I like singing when I’m alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m any good.

... you do your own taxes? I’ve never tried haha so I guess not.

... you remain calm in a crisis? Depends on how serious it is.

... you do first aid? Let’s just say I wouldn’t volunteer if it comes down to it because I feel like I’d commit one fatal mistake that would make the situation graver. 

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? Both of their families, yes.

... you fire a gun? I’ve never tried so I doubt it.

... your parents drive? Yep.

...your best friend dance well? They’re not ‘dancers’ per se but sure, they can bust out a move or two.

...you make people laugh easily? Not everyone, but sure.

...stand up for yourself? That’s what I’m trying to learn these days.

...you do a martial art? No.

:: Would ::

You like to learn a new language? That’s always a welcome opportunity.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? We have several ones come in the country every year so yeah, I can definitely say we’ve long been well-prepared for them.

Try a new cuisine? I do this as often as I can.

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? No, I’m good now.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? In relation to the first aid question, I wouldn’t volunteer myself in case I make a wrong move.

You likely win in a game of chess? I don’t even know how it works, so no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? Easily.

[ancano]

YoI Fanfic Recs

Okay so I just wanna share some love and show y’all some amazing fanfics that I have personally read and absolutely adored!! You’ll likely see repeated authors, either cuz I follow them on tumblr or cuz I’ll raid their uploads once I find one I really like. Also apparently I read a lot of A/B/O so if that isn’t your thing sorry hhhhhh

No particular order for these, just going down my bookmarks and history lists on ao3

Glitter & Gold by plisetskytrash and victurius (I just caught up with this one and oh my god I love it.) Summary - In a world where drugs, sex, and violence rule, Viktor Nikiforov is the king. As the Pakhan of the Russian Mafia (the Bratva) he is responsible for murder and mayhem across multiple continents and that’s just the way he likes it. The only problem is that a new leader has risen to power in America – known only as ‘JJ’ – and he starts to intrude on Viktor’s territory.Not only is that rude, it’s damn right unacceptable.So, Viktor sets out to find out as much about JJ as he can, including infiltrating the businesses he owns, such as The Kiss and Cry, a sleazy club that works as a front for an exclusive exotic omega strip club that only the richest and most powerful men can access. Naturally, Viktor has no trouble getting inside. Once he’s there, however, his plans are thrown out of the window when he spots a beautiful, young Japanese omega with chocolate-brown eyes and an ass to die for. There’s only one problem: Viktor swore he’d never mate an omega.Will Viktor manage to stay focused on his mission? Or will this omega break Viktor’s most important rule?

Eros and Agape by ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl and Spunky0ne (you’ll see a couple works from these guys in this list because they are *chef’s kiss* amazing) Summary - For as long as Victor can remember, Yakov and Lilia have protected him from being discovered to be an Omega by helping him to project as an Alpha. But at the Grand Prix Final banquet, he comes face to face with the man destined to be his husband.

NEXT LEVEL: Nights After Dreams by RipVanGabriel (this is a LONG one, I haven’t even gotten very far in it, but trust me it’s worth it) Summary -  The silver medal was hard fought and won, but now the stakes are higher than ever. Five gold medals loom on the horizon, but more importantly, the "life and love" within the gold rings. Yuri and Viktor's relationship grows as they get back on the competition road, and new complications rise with them. (Proper follow-up to the TV series; not AU, no crack ships, no weird shit.)

Wait! But, I’m not Yakuza! by ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl, SesshomaruFreak, and Spunky0ne (like I said, these guys, *chef’s kiss* I refuse to admit how many times I’ve reread the 2 chapters that are currently posted. I’m also the only person commenting on it last i checked which is a fucking shame, so y’all go comment on this amazing fic pls) Summary - The Katsuki family, except for the Hasetsu Katsukis, are the largest and most powerful Yakuza family in Japan, so it’s not surprising that poor Yuuri keeps getting mistaken for one of his distant relatives. On a trip to Russia with his father, Yuuri stumbles into a bar to avoid a group of rough looking punks, and he comes face to face with a beautiful, silver-haired exotic dancer. Things get crazy when Yuuri sees the lovely dancer being abused and steps in, only to get himself beaten into unconsciousness. He wakes in his hotel room and finds a note next to his bed…”Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry those ruffians hurt you. It’s better you stay away. I don’t want anything else bad to happen to you. Vitya” He should go home. He should just forget the man, but Yuuri can’t help himself…Victuuri, intersex Victor, intersex pregnancy, lots of flustered Yuuri!

Love’s Requiem by Kashoku (gonna be honest, I don’t even ship Yuuri/Yuri, but I enjoy this fic) Summary -  If you had asked Yuuri in Barcelona if there was anything that could ever bring him down from the high of being with Viktor Nikiforov, he would have laughed. But when the living legend suffers a career ending injury, it brings new struggles to their relationship. Viktor begins to drown his sorrows, and Yuuri finds himself being pulled beneath the surface in a way he’s not sure he can survive.

you’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be by roserelease (this shit right here is my fucking bread and butter y’all. I can’t even express how much happiness and love this fic gives me) Summary - More than anything, Yuuri wants to impress his cosplay role model Viktor Nikiforov. But after a horrible start to a convention weekend, he panics and backs out at the last second to meet his idol. Normally this would be fine, except Yuuri discovers too late that there's a little Viktor related secret inside the con vlog his best friend filmed over the course of the weekend for him...It's fine, he thinks. Embarrassing, but not the end of the world. And it's not like Viktor himself will ever see the con vlog, so why worry?(Except then Viktor does.)

Paying For Poison by SaerenDPity (another one of my absolute faves that sadly only updates once every other blue moon but when it does update I feel overwhelmingly Blessed) Summary - "Skater Katsuki?" Yuuri's eyes widened as he nodded, and suddenly Viktor Nikiforov was clutching at his coat. He barely registered that his childhood hero knew his name, he couldn't think on that when Viktor's voice was on the edge of breaking. Desperation lined his every movement."Yes th-that's me. Um… Mr. Nikiforov… Do… do you need help?"Viktor shook his head violently and shoved his hand into Yuuri's pocket. Yuuri only had time to squeak before Viktor was backing away, breathing heavily. "Please… please buy me."…Years after Viktor Nikiforov suddenly disappeared from the public eye, he resurfaces at the Rostelecom Cup, desperate for help. And Yuuri simply cannot abandon the man who inspired almost every aspect of his life, and so, he makes the decision to do just as Viktor asks - buy his services as an omega for one night.

Drowning In Your Love by MysticLipstick (another rarely updated fic that I’m head over heels for. please feed me, I need MORE) Summary -  Victor Nikiforov has always gotten away with being a whore in college. Being the top athlete swimmer has gained him tons of attention, championships and girls. However, a cosmic encounter with Yuuri Katsuki has him questioning everything—including his sexuality. Yuuri’s shy nature and blatant disregard for Victor’s fame has Victor chasing him—something he’s never done, but Yuuri shuts him down. Completely.

November’s Secret by LanaBerry (I’ve reread this one about 5 times already tbh) Summary - Overwhelmed with anxiety and his fear of failing, Yuuri faces the issue of if he should continue skating. His best friend, Yuko, proposes a solution - if no one knows it's you, then it's less embarrassing, right? Yuuri begins to create a completely new disguise and persona.But it works a little too well.Before he knows it, Yuuri has become the biggest mystery of the skating world and everyone wants to know who he is. Especially Viktor Nikiforov, the idol he's been loosely basing his new persona on for years.

The ‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ series by Reiya (recently finished rereading this one, always so fucking good) Summary - ‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’ A single event changes the course of Yuuri’s life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different and Yuuri doesn’t seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries.Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be.

With What We Once Had by MagicalMirai (this one is just too cute tbh) Summary -  They called it quits, over a year and a half ago. But even though he should have been expecting it, Yuuri can’t help but feel suffocated when he bumps into Victor at the Grand Prix final, whilst holding his son. The son... he never told Victor about.

Nerve Endings by Phyona (this one is next on the “to reread” list) Summary -  When Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg, they have to work through Yuuri's anxiety and Victor's secrets to find their balance.

Puppy Love by Phyona (another phyona fic and it’s just way too fucking cute tbh) Summary - When Yuuri gets turned into a dog, the last place he expects to end up is Victor Nikiforov's apartment. He learns quickly that the only thing worse than being his idol's pet, is watching him pine for someone else.Warning: Makkachin has recently passed away at the start of this story.

The Stars on his Cheeks by QueenWinterofLuna (this one was actually written for a prompt I personally requested and I absolutely adore it, even still) Summary -  A short drabble based on this Tumblr request from @napsushi: Can you write a fic where Yuuri discovers Victor has freckles and is just over the moon about it? This fandom needs more freckled Vitya.

This is all I can find and think of for now but if I remember more I’ll be sure to update it!!