#i was already feeling bad but having my Time Issues laid bare made me. idk. frustrated??

[werewolfbarista]

my brain . is fucking soup. adhd medication shortage my ass JUST MAKE MORE OF THEM ‼️‼️‼️‼️ I CAN'T KEEP GOING ON LIKE THIS GIRL HELP

[butwhyduh]

Scared?

Jason todd x reader

Warnings: weapons, hint of sex

Summary: He shows off his scary equipment to see if you scare off. I write this months ago and never posted it. Idk y.

It was the third time that week that you sat in his room watching tv. Jay sat on the floor with some kind of equipment in his lap, tinkering as the show played. You sat on the bed with your back against the headboard wrapped in his blanket. Your fingers played in his slightly damp hair. He smelled like fresh shampoo and soaps.

“I don’t want to kick you out but after this is over I’ve got stuff to do,” he said before trying to change the subject. You looked at him suspiciously. He was never vague with his plans.

“What stuff?” You asked. He sat up a little straighter.

“Secret stuff. Vigilante stuff,” he said while twisting the equipment shut. It made a mechanical whirl noise before a red light came on. “Suck on that Tim. I didn’t need his help,” Jason said proud of himself.

“What is that?” You asked looking at the thing with no discernible obvious use.

“Scary secret spy stuff that I fixed without a computer.” He had a smirk of satisfaction on his face.

“So if I grab it you would freak out?” You said grabbing towards him. He quickly slipped out of your grip.

“Only if you wanted to blow the door off the wall,” Jay said twisting until the red light went off.

“Seriously?” You asked, with your eyes wide.

“No. But there is shit that you wouldn’t believe. But I can’t really show you. Hell, half the stuff in my pocket,” he laughed. “It’s just a tracer.”

“Shit I thought I was trying to grab a bomb for a second. Wait... what’s in your pocket?” You asked. He was standing and putting it in a bag. Jay stood a little stiffer.

“You already know what’s in my pocket. At least buy me dinner first.” He was deflecting. His joke didn’t make it to his eyes.

“No seriously. Show me your stuff. I want to see what crazy stuff you use at work,” you said also standing up. You got close to him, conveniently in front of the door. He tried to pull away but you grab his wrists. “I’ll thank you later.” You slid your thumbs up his forearms suggestively.

“Not even close,” he said plainly. He looked almost cagey but sometimes he just got that way.

“Baby,” you whined. “Show me.”

“No,” he said with a little different tone. He sounded almost annoyed. “You should probably get going now.”

“What the hell, Todd?” You said dropping his hands. “No. I’m not leaving. I’m tired of you being all secretive and shit. Are you 2 different vigilantes? Are you also a villain? Alien? What could you also be hiding beside Red Hood?”

“You wouldn’t get it,” he said stonily. You glared at him.

“That’s the fucking point. Tell me. Show me,” you said mad at this point. You had stepped into his space.

“You wouldn’t get it,” Jason said back slowly and deliberately, stepping right next to you. “It’s scary shit. I don’t-“

“You don’t what? For fuck sake. Just. Tell. Me,” you said almost mad enough to shove him but you held back. He loomed over you. You glared up at him.

“What if it scares you?”

“I’m not scared of looking at guns-“

“No, me. I use them. They are mine. They are part of me,” he said. It finally clicked. He had never cleaned his guns in front of you. Dick and Tim sometimes cleaned their weapons over breakfast when you visited. Jason was hiding it from you.

“Show me. I’m not scared of you,” you said softer. He stared at you for a minute before barely nodding. Jason dragged you down to the basement and pulled open a large panel on the wall. In it was a wide array of weapons nestled in black velvet covered foam.

“This is what I work with,” he said without taking his eyes off of you. You looked at all of the knives and guns and other things you didn’t even know.

“Can I touch them?” You asked him, interested. Your fingers already ran along the black velvet.

“Carefully,” he said. Jay stood close as you picked up a straight silver bladed, flat black handled knife. The curve of the handle was just a little too long for your hand but you liked the way it shined in the light as you turned it.

“That’s a 7 inch fighting utility knife, custom made for my hands,” he said. “It’s nice. Not my favorite.” You nodded and sat it down. You slid your fingers along the side of a hand gun, too scared to pick it up. “Pick it up if you want,” he suggested.

You grasped the gun. It was heavier than it looked. The sliver metal gleamed in the light. You kept your fingers fat from the trigger.

“It’s not loaded but you don’t want to make the habit of holding the trigger anyways,” Jason said sliding his hands around yours to show you how to hold it. You could feel his breath by your ear and your skin tingled. “You aim at something. Like the picture on the wall. And only once you know it’s perfect with no issues like wind, you move your finger to the trigger,” he said moving your finger to the trigger. You gulped nervously. “Breath out and pull the trigger,” he said before pushing your finger on the trigger. You jumped at the clicking noise. Jason laughed. He took it from you and sat it down.

“Am I scary now?”

“What is this?” You asked holding out a weird black knife. The blade was fatter at the end with a roundness that made it unique. You picked it up.

“Ka-bar combat Kukri knife. It’s kind of like a machete. Watch how you hold it,” he warned. You laid it back down.

“What’s your favorite?” You asked.

“This knife here,” he held up a nasty looking curved knife with a blade that just looked sharp. He made a few moves with it expertly. “Cuts right through Kevlar. Also really easy to cut yourself with it if you aren’t careful so I wouldn’t touch that. And these two guns are what I carry everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” You asked.

“Yeah. Any time I leave,” he said with a shrug handing you one. Silver metal hand gun that was a little bigger than the one you held and heavier.

“Like dates and stuff?” You asked.

“Always.”

“Okay I have undressed you and not found guns,” you said confused, thinking about all the times you’ve had sex in his car and he was wearing two loaded guns.

“Ankle, baby,” he said with a smile.

“But we... you were wearing this gun while we had sex?” You asked a little shocked. He laughed.

“Yeah, it was hot as fuck,” he said, putting the gun down and pulling you into a kiss. You broke the kiss.

“What about other stuff? I’ve seen bigger guns,” you said feeling shy.

“Seriously? Okay here,” he said pushing a button and the wall opened to show a wall of large guns. “These are mine. But I borough any other I need for a job. I wouldn’t really touch them.”

“Yeah,” you said taking a closer look. “What’s in your pockets?”

“Uh okay. Here,” he said pulling things out and putting them on a table. Gum, keys, a phone, a pocket knife, and a black block shaped thing. “That’s a taser.”

“That’s it?”

“For now. I felt pretty safe hanging out with my girlfriend. Unless you’re trying to kill me?” He joked.

“That’s the whole point of this. Be surrounded by your weapons and then kill you. Great plan,” you laughed pulling him close. He wrapped his arms around you in a hug but you chose to pat his pocket. You pulled a wallet from his back pocket. “Hiding things from me?”

“Yeah. Frozen yogurt coupons, a fake ID, and maybe twenty bucks. I feel so bad,” he said, looking at the ground in mock shame. “If I was hiding something you would never find it, baby. Trust me.”

“Not a confidence builder but okay,” you said with a laugh. He rolled his eyes.

“Nothing important. Now, the big question is, did I scare you off?” He asked losing the smile.

“Nope. Not a single chance. Second big question, why does a 25 year old man need a fake ID?” You asked.

“Well, I’m kinda legally dead and they don’t feel like giving driver’s license to dead people,” Jason said with a shrug but you could see that he relaxed.

“Ahh right. My zombie boyfriend. Now, this is a one time offer,” you said in a little huskier voice. You looked him over suggestively. Jason looked at you pleasantly intrigued. “What do you think about bending me over one of these weapon cases?”

“Fucking perfect idea,” Jason said with a wicked smile. He snatched you up causing you to yelp as he carried you to a case.

[awkwardgtace]

Mira's Fall

TW bad writing about injuries and some blood mention. idk anything else as usual lemme know if I should add any.

Mira's Fall

Mira was watching Corus from the vent above his desk. She was still weary about trusting the human and would frequently observe how he acted when she wasn’t obviously nearby. He’d continued to change behavior, almost no outbursts in the time since she agreed to interact with him. She was impressed, but she didn’t want to trust him yet. She was still nervous if his hands came too close, memories of those times in the walls fresh. He was far too interested in holding her too, always offering to carry her if they were talking and he had to leave the room. He had improved, but she wouldn’t put her life in his hands.

He left the room and she made to climb down. She wanted to talk to him about the garden in the back, there was damage that she couldn’t take care of. The damage was sadly making the plants not grow back, so she wanted to see if he could fix it. He wanted to help so she’d make use of it at least. Hanging her hook carefully from the vent grate she started to climb down. She’d been making more trips down from here; she never considered the strain it may be putting on her rope. She heard a snap and stared up, just out of reach the rope had started to split. She started to rush down only for her to hear the snap again entering a free fall.

She let out a short scream as she fell. She was more relieved than before that Corus chose to move his desk directly under the vent in case this ever happened. She landed hard on the desk surface, hitting her head and feeling her leg bend strangely. Everything went black.

Slowly Mira started to wake back up. She could barely tell where she was, it wasn’t the forest and she shouldn’t be in any human buildings. She had to get home before someone noticed she was missing. She tried to move her leg, pain shooting through her causing a shriek.

She felt human footsteps and panic gripped her. She was hurt, this could and probably would end badly. She tried to move her leg again causing sharp pain to shoot up her spine and spots in her vision. She quickly switched to crawling, trying her best to get to a hiding spot until she could find a way out. Her vision was blurry, she had no clue what happened before she woke up. She just needed to hide, sleep until her eyes cleared up and she could do something.

“Oh my god,” the human said. She kept trying to crawl away, moving away from the booming voice. The human rushed at her and she froze waiting for the hand to grab her. The voice sounded familiar, but that didn’t make sense. After a few seconds of not being touched she opened her eyes, fearfully staring at the human now looming over her. Their hands were held out, but hadn’t reached her yet.

“D-don’t touch me,” she choked out. She was in so much pain, this human would only make things worse. She needed to get away before they let their curiosity win.

“Mira, how can I help? Where are you hurt?” the human asked. The human shouldn’t know her name. She tried to remember why this human would know her, but the pain in her head only got worse. She felt tears fall from her eyes as the worst possibilities ran through her mind. Things weren’t making sense; she just wanted to go home where someone could help fix her up.

“Stay b-back. I-I’ll curse you,” her voice sounded weak. She couldn’t believe her own words; there's no way the human would. They must have caught her, that had to be how they knew her name. She didn’t want to think about what it meant with how injured she was. She heard the human sigh, her blood running cold.

“Mira, it’s me, it’s Corus,” the human sounded sad. “You know I'm not going to hurt you, just tell me what happened. I’m guessing you fell, do you know how far?”

She tried to understand what the human was asking. They said a name, Corus, but that didn’t sound familiar. She just wanted to go home. She needed to treat her leg and her head. Slowly moving her hand, she reached behind her head, pulling it away and in front of her. Blood, she was hoping that wouldn’t be what she found. She needed to get away from the human, there had to be others nearby who could get her out. She still couldn’t see clearly, but it didn’t stop her from noticing the head looming over her coming closer. She started to curl in on herself before pain gripped her again.

“Oh man, your head,” he breathed. “Oh no... Your head. Mira, what do you remember?”

She wouldn’t answer his questions. She told them to stay away, that was enough. If she didn’t answer and just focused on herself they might go away. She barely managed to sit up before she heard a muted gasp above her. She couldn’t focus on that now, her head was bleeding, but that was easy to handle, her leg was the big issue. It hurt to move it, looking at it now it was probably broken. If she didn’t set it then the others would have more trouble trying to get her out of here. She didn’t have her bag though, which was weird. She always had her bag of medical supplies on hand during training. Maybe she snuck out again, yeah that had to be it.

“All right, I’m going to go get the first aid kit, please try not to move too much,” the human said. They ran off quickly and she promptly ignored their request. She had to get somewhere safe until help came. She’d pulled herself a little closer to something that could hide her when the footsteps approached again. Fear gripped at her, would the human be mad she didn’t listen? She pushed that aside and focused on trying to hide still. She couldn’t let fear control her. She was supposed to be the best of her crew and she could deal with this. The human didn’t pause as they entered the room, she didn’t either.

“At least you didn’t jump off the table,” they said with a hint of humor in their voice. That made her stop. Of course she didn’t she wasn’t stupid. That would be a last resort, and only when her leg could handle it. They placed a huge box on the table she was on. They started pulling out a lot of things, some she recognized. The bandages would be useful, so would some of the tubes at least if she was right, her vision still wasn’t great. After they laid everything out they picked up some of the bandages and started unrolling them. They handed her the edge they unrolled. She just stared at it unsure how to use something so big.

“That’s what was missing,” they murmured. She watched the human look around settling on something above them. She held back a scream when they climbed up on something, a chair probably, to reach what they’d seen. She couldn’t tell what they were doing, but didn’t like seeing the already huge human even taller. They were off the chair quickly, the steps down vibrating through her even on this table. They held their hand out to her with something shiny on it. She looked up at them then slowly reached out. She couldn’t explain the need she felt to have whatever they held.

Once her hand was on it she pulled it close. She started to investigate it, was it the fish hook her mom brought her dad once? She wouldn’t take this, why was this here? She had to be wrong; it was just a hook that looked and felt similar. She looked at the human who held the bandage out to her again, still confused. She poked an edge on the hook, what must be her hook, and pulled away sticking her finger in her mouth. This would be sharp enough to cut the bandages. Maybe her dad had sharpened it for her outing? She pushed the questions aside and quickly got to work getting some reasonably sized bandages.

She barely noticed when the human let go of the bandages to start placing other things near her. One of the tubes which had to be the stuff for cuts, it was hard to get usually. They also put some wooden sticks near her, why were those in the box? He also brought some wet towels, leaving them close enough she could move an edge to clean her head easily. She was told humans weren’t kind. Why was this one so kind? She shouldn’t dwell on that, while they were kind she had to treat her injuries. She reached for a wet towel once she thought there were enough bandages and tried to clean her head. It wasn’t going well, unable to see the wound.

“Do you want some help?” they asked. She just froze. They gave her things for her injuries, but she didn’t want to be touched by them. She tried to shake her head, but the pain made her nauseous. “I don’t need to touch you, promise. Wait one second, if it doesn’t help, don't worry about it.”

The human left again quickly. She stared after them. She was told to be wary, not trust any human who offered kindness. They had stories of her kind and a lot created bad situations for the humans. This one wasn’t touching her and was giving her things to treat her wounds. She still wasn’t sure how she got them though. It didn’t seem like the human did it, but maybe they did drop her and cause it. She pushed that away, she wasn’t insane enough to let a human hold her. The human came back into the room holding a mirror, that wouldn’t really help her see the back of her head. They placed the mirror behind her carefully, far enough she wouldn’t touch it by accident.

“All right, we put this up behind you and...” they trailed off. They held a rectangle in front of her. After a second it lit up showing her sitting there with the reflection of her back shown too. Her vision was still sort of blurry, but she could manage. She was struggling to focus, seeing a reflection that seemed off. She didn’t look like what she expected, she looked older, thinner, just not like herself. Slowly she moved a hand watching as the person she saw mimicked the movement.

“That’s not me,” she said. She didn’t realize she spoke until she heard the human sigh above her. They put the rectangle down and moved so their face was even with her.

“I’m not sure what you remember,” their voice was quiet, almost calming. “That is you, I’m sure things don’t make a lot of sense right now, but we need to treat your head and leg. I’ll tell you everything I know after that. I don’t want to leave you alone here, but I’ll stay as far as possible once this is all taken care of all right?”

She gave a small nod and the human moved to hold the rectangle again. She still couldn’t connect with the person copying her movements, but she believed the human. This is her, so what on earth did she forget? She carefully used the wet towel to clean off the blood, the red standing out against the lavender. It was longer than she remembered, making cleaning the blood off a bit harder than she expected. Once it seemed clear of blood she reached a hand into the tube they’d placed nearby and put some of the goop on the wound as best she could. Carefully she wrapped the bandages around her head making sure to leave her eyes clear. Her hair wound up wrapped a little as she went around, but it wasn’t in the wound which was good enough.

Once she was satisfied she looked at her leg. This would hurt to move and she might pass out. The human would have free reign to do anything. She swallowed thickly before making her choice. She couldn’t stop the human awake or passed out, so she would just set her leg quickly and not care. She’d been taught to set broken bones before she was even allowed to leave the community; this was nothing new. She started to prepare herself, taking a deep breath and keeping her tongue from her teeth. She grabbed her leg and quickly snapped it back to a normal position. The pain was worse than she expected though a shriek leaving her as her vision went white.

“...-a…-ra..Mira!” a voice boomed around her. It was so loud, why was it so loud? She opened her eyes slowly, seeing the ceiling above her. She sat up with a groan. “Thank goodness you’re all right. You know we could have numbed your leg first right?!”

She looked at the voice and her memory caught up. The human was helping her, she didn’t look like she remembered, and she was hurt pretty badly. She chose to ignore the human again, reaching for one of the wooden sticks he’d put near her. It was a little out of reach, she flinched when they pushed them closer. She realized her vision had cleared up. She steeled herself to look at the human. Looking up she got a clear look at their face for the first time. The only thing she saw was concern, which made her willing to take a chance.

“C-can you hold this by my leg while I wrap it?” she asked. It took all her courage to look at them again. They had a warm smile, it made her feel safe. Why would a human’s smile make her feel safe? They nodded at her, then slowly brought their hand next to her. They held the stick straight and close to her leg, but didn’t do anything else. She tried to ignore the anxiety of their hand so close, as she wrapped her leg. Slowly she lost herself in the process. Thankfully it didn’t take long before their hand was pulled away and her leg was stabilized. Now she had to figure out a way to get home, but that was easier said than done.

The human started to put all the things back in the box. She still couldn’t understand why they were acting like this. She was confused and tired and her head was just pulsing in pain now. She shouldn’t sleep here, she knew that, but she couldn’t move much at least not for a while. Once the human left the room she gave in, laying back and closing her eyes. She didn’t notice when, but the human put some cloth behind her. It made things a lot more comfortable. She fell into a heavy sleep quickly, her body finally hitting empty after everything.

Corus was currently terrified. He had no idea how to properly take care of Mira, let alone how to convince her she was safe. She couldn’t even recognize herself. She seemed more vulnerable right now, too. He let out a heavy sigh, going to get some water and food to leave with her. She couldn’t keep going with what seems like a large portion of her life missing. He left the kitchen making his steps heavier, expecting her to be trying to hide or staring at him in fear. Instead she was asleep. He approached as quietly as he could, placing what he brought near her. He should leave, but he didn’t want to abandon her on his desk. He sat in his chair and placed his head on his arms, just waiting. He’d help as best he could, she didn’t trust him before this anyway.

Mira’s next few days were a blur. Every time she woke up the human was there, but they were still kind. She would drink some water and eat, but sleep would quickly take her again. She couldn’t make herself stay awake, although she tried to. It seemed like things would stay like this until she was healed. Then she’d finally find out what the human had planned for her. The human just always seemed kind of sad when she did wake up.

The first day she woke up, really woke up, things felt different. Corus had left a mirror on her desk. She looked in it and was surprised to see her head wrapped with bandages. She must have been out for a while after she fell. Corus must have helped her when he found her. She didn’t love the idea of him handling her while she was out, but she was grateful. If it had been left alone she’d have a much worse recovery time.

“Mira, are you awake?” Corus asked, quietly knocking on the door. He didn’t wait for a reply, opening the door slowly. She saw his face light up when he noticed her sitting up, he must have been worried. He flashed a warm smile. “Good morning, just have to grab some stuff then I’ll be out of your hair for most of the day.”

“It’s your room, you should just stay in here, I can probably make my way home at this point,” she said. Her voice cracked like she hadn’t spoken in days, but she couldn’t have been out that long. Shock quickly took over his features. He was on his knees in front of her faster than she could react. Humans had more speed than they used and she didn’t like that. He looked like he was about to cry, it shouldn’t be that shocking she said she’d go home. Resting for a day should get her enough strength to get back.

“Mira, you remember me?” his voice was almost too quiet for her.

“I doubt I could forget the human who basically begged me to give him a chance,” she couldn’t help the bit of snark. It wasn’t like she could just forget a human she’d agreed to give a chance. Why would Corus ask if she remembered him?

“How’s your head? Your leg? Do you really remember? It’s ok not to know me, you can leave when you feel up to it. Do you feel up to changing the bandages? Do you want to go somewhere--”

“Corus, I’ll be fine. I’ve broken my leg before. I should be fine to head back at this point.” She cut off his rambling. She appreciated the concern, but it wasn’t like this was the first time she got hurt.

Corus laid his head on the table, a relieved laugh leaving him. Slowly he explained the last few days, the things she didn’t remember. Threatening to curse him, looking terrified every time he entered the room. She treated him like a monster while he just tried to help her. She felt guilt well up inside her, this all happened because she’d been coming to get help. She opened her mouth to try and apologize, when he lifted his head. He looked so relieved, she didn’t know how to act.

“I’m really glad you remembered,” he said. She didn’t really understand, it would have been better if she forgot about him. Then he could have made her trust him without the background of his outbursts. She wouldn’t consider him violent anymore. He was happier that she still knew. Maybe he was different than she’d seen.

“A-actually, could I stay here until my leg heals more?” she asked. His eyes went wide and she regretted asking. That was stupid, she was stupid, she shouldn’t stay like this. She was ready to back track immediately.

“Honestly I was going to ask you to,” he said looking away. “Before you get upset, I know you can take care of yourself, but that was a pretty bad fall. I’d like to make sure you don’t have to make any injury worse. Are you all right if I work at this computer while you’re recovering?”

“Yeah, um, thank you,” she said. He gave her another large smile then moved to his desk chair rather than the ground. She considered this human with a violent streak who was terrified she’d hurt herself. He seemed to really care, maybe, just maybe, it was safe to trust him. She carefully laid back down, hearing him right next to her was shockingly calming. She had to be honest with herself at this point. She not only trusted this human, but believed he would keep her safe. She could maybe spend some more time with him.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 29

First time reader click here

Feels like this story is flopping. Is it flopping? Idk. This chapter is 100% plot and it is spooky. Cursed demon box. Helpful Stephen Strange and grumpy Wong. Hovering Bruce and Tony. Loki being a honorary Gen-Z. Found family but make it ✨superheroes✨.

"That's a lot to unpack," Peter stated once I had given him the bare bones report of the situation at hand. "Uh, are you okay?" The boy was obviously upset at my predicament, placing a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"Kinda?" I offered, making space for Wanda and Pietro who decided to join me and Peter, away from the arguing adults. The mission discussion - an absolute disaster - started as soon as Peter had walked in. Evidently experienced in such matters, the boy ignored the bickering and came over to steal me from Bruce's clutches to peacefully finish his egg sandwich in the company of his peers.

"I wanted to ask if I could see your memory of that time," Wanda meekly offered me a piece of candy. I accepted it - sugar sweet sugar, how I love thee so! The witch continued with a smile: "I think it would be helpful to see what we're dealing with, magic-wise."

"Sure," I trusted her. "Just don't scramble what's left of my sanity, please," All of us laughed at my remark as I laid down on the cold floor with my head in Wanda's lap. Her powers felt like small brain zaps, tingles that began at the front of my forehead and ran down into my spine. I followed her instructions and thought about the times I remembered, finding the box, placing it into my closet, the nightmares. I had a mild headache by the time she was done; no grudges against her - Wanda tactfully avoided my private moments and looked only at the ones containing the artifact.

"You've gotten really good," I complimented her with pure adoration.

"Thank you," She blushed, smoothing back my stray hairs. "That stuff is really strong. I don't think you should go near the box," She admitted. "And Doc should take a look at you. You have a residue left. I don't think that's good either."

"Well, fuck," I said in muted resignation.

"Press F to pay respects," Pietro joked in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

"Your luck is almost as bad as mine," Peter pointed out.

I scoffed. "Well, if I see any spiders around, I'll be sure to stay away in case they happen to be radioactive OsCorp runaways."

All of us laughed. Despite the grim situation, I didn't feel doomed. I was surrounded by friends and my boyfriends and my bestie who happened to be a mythical omnipotent god- welp, once again, I was getting too emotional. Once the adults were done arguing, we could start making sense of this mess and hopefully clean it up before the monster is out of the box.

"Mortals," I heard Loki scoff. The next moment, the Asgardian sat down noisily next to me, pout on full display. "This house is a nightmare."

His expression - or the accidental use of a meme - sent me completely, tension leaving my body via copious amounts of nearly hysterical laughter. Through tears and hiccups, I saw Wanda cackle with me and Peter show the meme in question to Loki, noting that he had been once sent to time-out on top of the fridge by Tony himself. Soon, all of us were laughing, much to the displeasure of the adults.

"Children, what is the issue?" Thor asked, irritated.

"We're just waiting for you to be done with arguing," I spoke before Loki could start bitching about Thor calling him a child. "Then I can show Steve and Loki where exactly have I buried the box so Stephen can take me to the healers and get this thing out of me or whatever," I pointed out the most logical plan of action.

Two long strides and the sorcerer was standing over me, boom-boom-whooshing and generally making very pretty golden patterns to appear and land on top of me. Tony and Bruce anxiously hovered behind him, both of my boys concerned and ready to mother-hen me. Ugh, so disgustingly adorable. Wanda's hand encompassed mine - she was nervous.

Stephen took a solid five-minute silence break before coming to a final conclusion. "Wong can get rid of the residual traces of the artifact's influence," The sorcerer announced curtly. "It's good you got rid of the artifact, a few more months and you would have started slipping into insanity if the magic within it was not released," He explained, slowly reaching out a hand to place it on top of my head. I wasn't sure if it was a gesture meant to bring comfort or another diagnostic test but leaned into the touch nonetheless. "Tell me, did you have any behavioral... Disturbances after...?" He trailed off.

I chewed on my lip, evaluating. "I honestly don't know. I've always been kind of an asshole," Honesty was the best policy. "Nothing seems out of order, sleepwalking aside."

"I see," Strange gave me a tight-lipped smile. "Perhaps, it was your stubborn nature that forbade the artifact from corrupting your mind completely. As evidenced by Captain Rogers, even undesirable character traits bring good into this world now and then."

That seemed a little bit hostile. I frowned, giving a questioning look to a frowning Loki.

"Speaking from experience?" Not the one to hold back upon witnessing first-grade bullshit, I withdrew from Stephen's touch, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

Surprising everyone, the man laughed soundly, eyes crinkling at the corners. "I most certainly do," Shooting me a positively mischievous wink. I felt like I was missing something.

The room's inhabitants slowly ticked out in pairs and threes, eager to complete their assigned tasks. Loki had insisted on coming along to the sanctum with me, even almost getting up in Stephen's face, but Bruce - out of all people - managed to calm the Asgardian down, and together we convinced him his magic would be considerably more useful during the retrieval of the cursed box. Loki was worried - everyone with a pair of functional eyes could see that the spiky attitude was his way of showing he cared about me, which made my insides briefly turn to mush. I didn't expect him to take the title of my best friend so seriously and I definitely was not complaining.

Tony was the last to leave, jittery and shaky, clutching me like it was his last time seeing me, kissing me hungrily in front of everyone. The joke or two he made were weak ghosts of his usual sharp snark.

"I love you and I'll be back soon," I whispered into his ear, feeling him freeze and his fingertips dig almost painfully into my sides. Louder, I repeated: "Not planning on dying any time soon, y'all gotta chill. Let's go, doc?" I addressed the tall sorcerer who was tactfully pretending to be busy with his smartphone.

Wanda pressed a duffle bag into my hands mouthing "clean clothes" a split second before Stephen opened a portal and with a great deal of curiosity, I stepped through it, eyes immediately drawn to the dimly lit space filled with books and antiques. So many books, so many unusual trinkets. The chandelier that hung over our heads rivaled the ones I'd seen in million-dollar-homes of dad's friends.

"Follow me," Stephen extended an arm in the direction of a smaller door, "Please do not touch anything."

I walked a pace behind him, satisfying my curiosity by looking around like a child in a candy store. The air smelled different in the Sanctum, almost as familiar as Loki's magic but less frosty... Warmer. A dash of red fabric swished from somewhere towards me; I giggled. The Cloak of Levitation liked me - not nearly as much as it liked Peter though - so I brushed my fingertips along the fabric, greeting it quietly. Talking loudly in this building was out of the question. I felt like any moment, a disgruntled librarian would appear to chastise me for making noise.

"Strange," A short Asian man appeared, book in hand and looking none too happy. Guess that's the librarian... "I got your text. The room next to yours is prepared for the ritual," The man I assumed to be Wong gave me a curt nod in the way of greeting, doing a quick 180° and walking us back to a small but tastefully decorated room with a single cot in the middle. It was pleasantly warm, a small fire lit in the fireplace, willowy smoke of incense rising from a few strategically placed sticks.

"The bathroom is that way. I'm afraid you'll have to be fully nude for the procedure," Strange declared apologetically, pointing to a door hidden behind the divide.

I snorted, but of course, the weird voodoo shit would require me to be naked. Not that I was embarrassed or anything but still. Tony would have a field day. Locating a chair, I dumped my duffle bag on it, flying out of my hoodie and sweatpants in record time. My underwear and socks followed, feet unpleasantly chilly despite the carpeted floor. I ran a hand over the faint bruises on my hips, evidence of last night, fondly - either Tony or Stephen had left marks on my body and that was... It was great. I loved it, drugs or not.

I heard someone clear their throat and turned around, nearly cracking up at the way both men suddenly averted their gazes, blush riding high on their cheeks. I snorted: "I'm hot, what else is new?"

Wong shook his head, busying himself with some sort of a book; Stephen lingered, eyes fixated on the very same bruises. His tongue darted out, wetting the plush of his bottom lip, and damn, this wasn't the time to get horny. I shook my head and with that, the sorcerer caught himself too, mutely motioning me to lay down on the cot.

"Whenever you're done eye-fucking each other," Wong piped up sarcastically - wow, I liked this man already. Stephen grumbled something quiet and rude, provoking another snort from me.

I followed their instructions - shortly after the Asian man began reading - or rather singing - something in a language I didn't know, I felt myself fall into a deep sleep. Or, I thought I was falling asleep. At one point, my eyes opened to an empty room, a thin sheet covering my bare body, and a silence that made chills run down my spine.

"Stephen?" I called out. I sounded like I was underwater to my own ears. "Wong?"

I was met with silence so deafening, I had no choice but to sit up and look around. The fire was burning strong in the fireplace, several logs blackened from it as sparks flew. It took a second for me to realize it made no sound - there was no crackling. Something was very wrong, the dread was creeping up on me.

Very familiar dread.

With the sheet firmly wrapped around me, I hopped off the cot, suddenly noticing the drawings on my arms, my legs. I was covered in runes similar to the ones I had seen on the cursed box - and my memories weren't missing. As clear as day, I recalled messing around with the box, debating on opening it, taking it out of my room only to find it back on my desk in the morning, some serious Anabelle shit.

I jumped as the floorboards cracked somewhere in the house. Every logical thought I had, backed up by every horror movie I had ever watched, screamed at me to NOT go towards the creepy noise; like moth to a flame, I was drawn in and couldn't resist the unnatural urge to investigate it. On silent feet, I padded out of the room, desperately trying not to think about the lonely, dark hallways filled with strange ancient objects. My steps made no noise.

On the couch, in the main room we'd arrived, sitting lazily, was Tony. I'd recognize his hair anywhere - and the Led Zep tee, old, frayed edges and loose threads. "Tony?" I asked hopefully, trying to make sense of this...

He turned around.

It wasn't Tony. Whatever it was, it wore Tony's face, it held his brown eyes and crow's feet around them - it wasn't him. Wrong, like the lack of sound in this place, misplaced and unnatural. The doe browns didn't sparkle, lifeless, dull color of dried mud. As much as I wanted to go and bury my face in his chest, my limbs filled with lead, my whole body screaming "DANGER".

The impostor kept quiet which only solidified my suspicions. Real Tony would be running his mouth already, poking fun at my impression of a sheet ghost.

"Princess?" The... Thing asked in Tony's voice, but it fell flat and monotone.

"Whatever you are, you sure as Hell ain't Tony," I stated firmly, hoping for some answers. "What the fuck?"

Not-Tony's face changed, familiar features twisting into something sinister, the malice making me sick to my stomach. The creature stood up, causing my feet to take an involuntary step back as he advanced slowly.

"You have no choice but to submit," The Thing replied calmly. "You're not getting out of here. Not even your little Asgardian pet god can save you," Its tone was absolutely flat. I would have thought the thing was a robot if not for the obvious involvement of magic in this situation. Its words filled me with dread as thick as molten lava; unfortunately for the creature, unlocking my memories gave me enough rational balance to be acutely aware of it and therefore, able to fight it.

I could fight it. I didn't know how exactly, but I could resist it. "That's a really bold thing to say for something that... What even are you? Magical STD?" As my brain desperately focused on finding a solution to a problem I didn't know all the details of, my mouth had a mind of its own.

The creature growled, a far more primal noise than a human could make. "You don't know what you're up against, child. I am one for we are many," Suddenly, the room was filled with shadows as if someone had turned off all the lights and cranked up the moon to be the brightest it ever was. The shadows moved, oozed, motion sinister without any light to back it up.

I had no choice but to pucker up. Nobody was coming to rescue me; in fact, I always have taken pride in being a self-saving princess. Damsel in distress wasn't really my style. The hunch in my shoulders disappeared, giving way to a stubborn and stiff expectation of the upcoming altercation, hands bailed in fists.

"I mean, like Legion the demon from the Bible?" I recalled what little I knew from Wikipedia. "I mean, I'm agnostic myself, but if you feel like identifying with that, you should probably see a therapist."

The entity growled, shadows gathering around it like fabric on a string, and lunged. Paralyzed by sudden blinding, deafening fear, I turned tail and ran.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95

[secondhand-trash]

Doctor, doctor

A/N: hello I’m here to provide Natsuo porn and not tag my natsuo loving friends in it out of petty revenge

Pairing: Todoroki Natsuo x reader

Description: You were feeling funny, so you looked for help from your trusty doctor.

Warning: is this roleplay idk but doctor references (I said this every time there’s anything medical related in my porn but all the respect to the medical workers out there please don’t take this too seriously qwq), fingering, vaginal penetration

Word count: 2384

-

“Doctor, I’m not feeling well.”

“Oh?” Natsuo looked up at you as your honey sweet voice rang in his ears. You sounded so innocent, so much worry lacing your words that he knew something was up the moment he heard the door being pushed open.

You were leaning against the frame of the door, your waist curving as your arms stretched out. He could not help but let his eyes wander around your form. You were wearing the flimsy silk robe he got you, the one with the lace trimmings by the edge and tying snugly around your waist. The pale fabric did very little to hide what was underneath, pebbled peaks pressing against the soft silk and leaving his imagination ran wild. 

Always a good girl, making his job easy by wearing something easy to take off.

He sat back against his chair, eyes glimmering with interest as you sauntered over to him and settled on his lap. Your bare legs hiking up as they crossed and making the robe shift. You smiled when his large palm found its way to the small of your back.

“And how exactly are you not feeling well?” He asked, sounding so serious but you could feel his control slowly faltering when you arched your back so that your tits were pressed up against his firm chest. 

“Well...” you said, pretending like you were really thinking hard about his question and pouting a little, biting the bottom of your lips as you looked up at him from beneath your lashes. “I’ve been feeling so hot recently.”

“Hot?” He questioned, his other hand inching towards the soft flesh of your thigh.

“Yes,” your breath hitched a little when you felt the cold pad of his fingers tracing along the exposed skin of where your leg and hips connected, “it’s like my skin is burning up so badly.”

You could see the swell on his throat bobbed when you took his hand in yours and placing it firmly against the mound of your breast, squeezing it so that he was groping you properly. “It’s especially bad here,” you said as you gripped his hand and fondled your chest, letting him feel it beneath his fingers. He could feel the hardened tip of your nipple even on top of the fabric and the thought of you being so needy for him had his blood boiling. 

“and here.” your voice was breathy as you slid his hand downwards until it was sitting at the slit of the robe. His eyebrow quirked up when he felt the warm skin underneath. You were not wearing anything under that, sly little thing. He could in and just slip inside of you just like that if he wanted to, but he pushed the thought of taking you right then and there away. He would play your little game if that was what you wanted.

“It burns so bad it almost hurts,” you said, almost like a sigh as he rubbed small circles on your hips, “especially when I’m not touching it.”

You batted your eyes, shoulders shrugging so the robe slid off of you and pooled around your arms. The swell of your breast right in front of his eyes as you made a show to press your arms together. “Doctor, can you make it stop?”

“Oh this is a very serious issue you have here,” he tilted his head, trying his best to contain the grin that was about to break out at how you threw yourself at him just like that, “I might have to give you a more... thorough check up in order to know how I can help you.”

You whelped when he lifted your up, one arm hooked under your knees and the other supporting your back. The tie at your waist was near loosened at he stood up, the thin silk providing little to no use in covering any of the glory underneath. 

You whimpered when he laid you on your back against the hard wood surface of his desk. Sturdy and grand, one of the few things he splurged on when buying furniture for the house was this lovely mahogany desk, and he was forever happy about the purchase especially with how lovely the pale silk looked in contrast with the dark wood. He undid your robe, feeling the painful ache of his cock straining against his pants when he drank in your naked body all laid out for him. He had no shame when he eyed you from head to toe, taking in every soft bump and sharp edge like a predator observing its feast. You were so delicate, so vulnerable as you spread yourself for his inspection, he could devour you until you were just a broken mess under him. 

But for now he would control himself, for he had a job to do.

“Let’s start from...” he said, danger dripping from his voice and you felt shivered down your core at how the octave of his voice dropped, he eyes dark with lust as he stepped closer to you.  Your back arched off the table when his finger traced your collar bone. He clicked his tongue in disapproval, “now stay still, we can’t get this done with your squirming like that.” The authority in his eyes made you whine as you tried to hold back the urge to beg for just a little bit of contact.

“Let’s start from,” he leaned down as he said, his hand on your waist as his lips hovered over your sensitive bud. Your nipples were already hard and sensitive from the silk rubbing against it earlier and now with his hot breath fanning against it, you could practically feel yourself leaking onto the wood surface. A choked moan slipped from your lips when he swirled the tip of his tongue around one of them. “here.”

“My, my,” he said in forged astonishment as he took the tip into his mouth, licking and nibbling as he pinned you underneath him, “you’re so sensitive on here." Emphasizing his words with a pinch on the neglected side of your breast, he chuckled at your neediness but quickly put his act back on. “I’m gonna need to pay attention to these more.”

It took you all of your might to stop yourself from bucking into his touch when he moved to the other side, lips lingering on the side of your flesh as his hand kneaded you. “Such beautiful tits,” he said as he rolled your nipple between his fingers, "perfect to hold, just right to suck on...”

He reached down to palm himself as you moaned at the praise. “Tell doctor how it feels,” he pulled back, smirking when you immediately whined at the lost of contact, “does it make you feel good here?”

“Yes! Yes doctor,” he groaned at how obedient you are, your hands clawing at the smooth wood beneath you, “it feels so good.”

“So good at following instructions...” he whispered against the valley of your breast. Goosebumps rose on your skin as he pressed featherlight kisses along your stomach all the way down until his jaw was leaning against the spot right above your legs. 

You shook when his thumb pulled back the hood of your clit and pressed a soft kiss on the little bud.

“Is this where the ache comes from?”

You nodded abruptly, earning you a rumbled laugh from your doctor. The vibration from the back of his throat made your toes curled. 

“Do you need doctor to take a good look at this needy pussy?”

His crude words made you melt, and you could not care less about anything other than the need for him to just give you what you want. “Yes,” you stuttered when you felt a lean finger tracing your folds, your slick arousal only growing as he toyed with the mess he made, “please doctor...”

A loud moan echoed in the study when he slid in two digits without warning, the lewd noises of squelching rang by your ears as he slowly stretched you out with his thick, long fingers. You could feel the permanent knuckle as he curled it against your velvety walls, scissoring inside of you in an agonising pace.

“Look how easily it slips in,” he said matter-of-factly, the nonchalant tone he used as he pumped his fingers in you somehow made you want him even more, “you must need this very, very badly huh?”

None of your miniatures could escape his intense stare. Your rigid breaths, the muscle on your arm spasming as he dragged his finger along your insides, soft moans from your parted lips. He took it all in, remembering it in his head as he thought of the most appropriate diagnosis for your little problem.

“I think we need to look at this more carefully just so I won’t miss any... symptoms,” he pursed his lips as he wiggled the digits inside of you, feeling your wetness coating him and the clench of your pussy around the fingers, “tell me when the spot is right, ok?”

How could he sound so calm, so... professional when you were already a heaving mess. You yelped when he crooked his finger as you didn’t respond.

“What do you need to say?”

You were nearly breathless and he could see the rise and fall of your chest perfectly. “Yes doctor.”

“Good.” Your hands desperately searched for leverage as his finger found its way to the depth of your core, your knees bucking up involuntarily at the chills that it sent up your body. But that was yet to be the reaction he was looking for.

“Is this it?”

“N- no...” you said, your voice but a whimper. 

He clicked his tongue, the pad of his finger pressing against your walls. He knew exactly what he needed to do in order to get you to fall apart, but it would not be a good check up if he didn’t explore every inch.

“What about this?”

“Deeper...”

“Deeper?” He chuckled in amusement. The sudden hook of his digit within you sent a jolt of electricity down your spine when it brushed against the spongy spot that made your sense mingled together.

“Here!” You squealed, hips snapping up out of reflex as the numbing wave of pleasure traveled all the way down your body.

“Oh, look at you.” He sounded almost concerned when he pulled his fingers out of your cunt completely. A sharp mewl left your throat at the sudden lost of friction. He licked off the clear liquid on his hand, making a show to release it with a pop as he tasted your arousal. “Your situation is way more dire than I thought it would be.”

The sound of belt buckle rattling lit up your senses, and you could feel yourself throb in anticipation as you pulled down his pants to release his aching cock. It had been painfully hard with his patience in taking his time with you, the tip an angry shade of red and dripping pre-cum as he rubbed it along your folds. 

“We’re gonna have to give you a strong and effective cure,” he said, teasing your slit and collecting your juices, “something that can reach deep inside you...”

You moaned when he pushed just a little bit of his length in, watching as he threw his head back when he was eloped with your warmth. “Injected in your body so that you will get every drop of it...”

You mewled when he pushed you up and placed a firm kiss on your lips, pushing just a little bit deeper but not enough. 

“What do you have to say?”

“Please doctor-”

Your gripped his shoulder as a sharp moan was ripped from your throat the moment he pushed all the way in. Your body shook with each hard thrust of his hips and it was like even the strong table he had you on was shaking from his frantic movements too. You hooked your legs around his waist, trying to get him to hit you at an even deeper angle. 

His hands were everywhere as he hilted in you, your hips almost lifted off the surface to his liking as he salvaged you as he pleased. Your hands were clawing at his back, feeling the muscle underneath his shirt tensed up with each flex of his arms together with the snaps of his pelvis. 

His name was a mantra on your lips, you whimpered and moaned your god doctor’s name as he relieved you of the ache that was burning inside you. He was always here to take care of every need you had, giving you just the right treatment you so desperately needed. 

You could feel him twitch inside of you, your walls clenching at the sensation as he pushed you over the edge. His hands were rough as he gripped you by the saw and pulled your close. The force of his kiss bruising as he swallowed your moans. You were seeing white when thick spurts of his cum splattered your walls, his thrusts getting sloppy as he rode out his high.

You were putty in his hands as he clutched you close. He was still warm inside of you, and your legs that were already sore and weak still clutch around him as you felt the stickiness being pushed out of you.

Slowly pulling away, he watched as your pussy clenched from the emptiness. You whined when he pushed the leaking cum back inside, the dull ache vivid and unable to be pushed away.

“Now, you gotta keep all of it in.” He said, a small smile tucking at his lips as he leaned down. “Or else it will not work.”

“I can just come to you for another dose if I need it again.” You muttered, resting your face on his broad shoulder.

He chuckled, “Be careful now, we don’t want to get you addicted.”

He stared at intent when you reached down to collect a bit of his cum that was pooling inside of you. You were grinning from ear to ear when you looked at him in the eye while making a show to swirl your tongue around the white liquid at your finger tip.

“Too late.”

[tricewithaz]

THOTS ON SHADOW AND BONE

Hello everyone! it is I, Trice, and i come with my thoughts on the Shadow and Bone show cause ive got many

I'm gonna divide this in what i liked, what i disliked, and what i think could have been better but didn't really bother me. Feel free to send your opinions too!

As a whole, I really liked the show and I think it's a great adaptation that both fans and newcomers will enjoy. It's super well done! and every episode had me glued to the tv even though I knew what was going to happen.

Beware this is long

To start,

What i liked

Mal and Alina

I never really liked Mal in the books, mainly cause he had like, nothing going on for him, and not having his pov made him no favors whatsoever. Alina's perception of him was everychanging, two factors that didn't make him unlikeable necessarily, but that made me not want to read about him. In the show he's way more likeable and even though he still doesn't have a lot going on for him, you can see that he's always trying to protect alina, and you also see a bit of his demeanor through Archie's acting. I think he made a great job at portraying him. And Alina! Alina who in the books was essentially a y/n sort of character (although she did get better over time), her character, likes, dislikes, her DRIVE was incredibly portrayed in the show. Also Jessie (loml, marry me) and Archie have incredible chemistry together and they sold their yearning SO WELL (and so did the kid actors portraying them as children oh my GOD)...yall...i cried when they held hands. My favourite scene was definitely when Alina took care of Mal's wounds (a favorite trope of mine). And the HURT in their eyes whenever they thought the other was in danger....i saw the show dubbed but I'm sure their voices made it beyond incredible as well, their face acting was just on. point. Overall the show rEALLY makes me root for them both individually and together which is something the books didn't manage to do.

The Darkling

AAAAA i really enjoyed the Darkling omg, incredible charisma, Ben does such a great job (and so did his voice actor in Spanish oh my GOD). His acting was just as I imagined it in the books and i loved how he could be as sweet and mysterious as he could be menacing. In fact! i liked him more than i did in the book, and i think it was a great choice to make him more human. I'm not sure if this was Ben or the writing, but i could really see his yearning for an equal, for Alina, his loneliness and his thirst for power and control too. Great love interest, even greater villain. And his wardrobe was phenomenal. I also really liked how they implied that The Darkling was a name given by other people, it was very believable that people would call someone who literally controls shade something akin to "son of the dark" or something of the sort, instead of it being a name he gives himself or his job title (both if which are incredibly pathetic and cringy to think about).

Jesper

No comments. He was just great. I love Kit.

Nina

Omg Danielle did SUCH a great job at portraying Nina, it's exactly how i imagined her in Six of Crows.

Helnik

THE. YEARNING. THE. CHEMISTRY. I didn't love their scenes at the boat but once that was over I was practically screaming at the screen to jUST KISS ALREADY. Calahan and Daniell have such good chemistry together and the few changes they made only served the story better. I did wish they had development over more time cause Matthias' change of mind felt too quick, but i get why they had to rush. Because of how good their chemistry was, their fallout also was incredibly painful.

Inej's fear of the Menagerie and her morals

Amita's portrayal of Inej's hurt, devotion and her refusal to kill (and later hurt cause she has killed) is incredibly subtle but so SO effective. She's so talented really and truly sold Inej's feelings throughout the show.

VFX

Man.....the fold, the volcra, the grisha powers.....kudos to the animators and overall artistic team cause they were incredible. Also seeing the different title animations in each episode was such a tiny detail that made me so excited and they all looked so good.

Ketterdam

Again, kudos to the artistic team, everything about Ketterdam felt so alive (and weirdly moist), truly sold a kind of aesthetic and life that is so characteristic if the Barrel, even when i didn't imagine it that way in the books.

David

He appeared like, twice, and both times were so cute and charming I can't wait to see more of him both on his own and with Genya.

The Wardrobe

So, at first i hated the keftas. I thought the looked tacky and costume, but when you see them on screen they're just perfect (although i have to say the patterns on some of the keftas were kind of...cheap looking? and the training keftas were just kinda boring. My favourite was the Darkling's. Aside from that, i really liked Kaz's and inej's clothes too. Very distinctive and recognizable (although it was kind of weird seeing Inej in teal instead of purple lmao).

And the queen's dresses. Chefs kiss.

It's...so cheesy (affectionate)

The whole show felt like the kind of movies I would watch as a kid like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. The writing was stylized enough to make it incredibly dramatic and overall there was just so much heart behind all of it. Definetely a show to watch again and again and feel all of it, cause that's what it being so cheesy managed, to make me actually feel for it. It feels like something to watch on a rainy afternoon after a bad day....it's great okay i really enjoyed it, even (specially) the most unbelievable parts of it. And here's the thing, it's something that i think a lot of newer tv and film have lost, so this is good.

What i didn't like

Zoya

Mostly cause of the writing. Originally, in the first book, i didn't like her, neither as a character (stereotypical mean girl with no other motivation than to bang the love interests....all three of them....what's new i still think it's an incredibly sexist trope) or a person (hey at least this was intentional), but over time i grew to LOVE her (mean girl turns out to have a good heart and actually respects the mc and decides to fight alongside her cause it's what's right, without necessarily liking her or giving up her character??? AND she has strong motivations??? now THAT'S new). In the show, i hoped they would keep her mean girl nature while foreshadowing her depth, but all they did was turn her into a petty seductress with barely any screentime, and that only makes her not even a bad antagonist but just a boring character to watch. Not only that but they took away a big part of her character that needed to be developed in the next books. I wanted to watch her rivalry with Alina, her unjustified venomous tongue too, I wanted to be entertained by her and I wasn't. This was also a problem cause when she finally changed teams, and when she hugged Alina, it was incredibly unsatisfying, it would have had a way stronger effect if we had seen her being Ruthless Zoya with a big ambition. I also didn't like how we were told that she didn't like alina, or that she had a family, instead of it being shown on screen. Just from the show, all i can tell you about her is that she likes to bang people and she has a good moral code i guess. Yall, I'm so petty about this.

Kaz

So, I didn't hate him, in fact i think I would have enjoyed him if I hadn't read the books first, cause the two things that bother me about him were two essential characteristics of him in the books. FIrstly, he seems so strained, instead of the seemingly laid back, almost chill looking (even though we know he's not chill at all) Kaz we see in the books, the Kaz that always knows something that you don't. Show Kaz doesn't seem to always be in control, to always have the last word, the last laugh. Instead he seems strained, all the damn time. And I think this is mainly a writing and directing issue. And he also seems weak, something Book Kaz would never do. This is also an issue cause because he doesn't have the same presence he has in the books, the times where he is weak, don't seem as effective. Sure, Pekka Rollins has essentially reduced him and humiliated him, but I haven't seen enough of Kaz being actually dangerous for this to be shocking and for Pekka to seem even more hateable (and, i really liked Pekka, loved him as an antagonist more than i did in the books). Idk, Kaz was so charismatic and just fun and engaging to read in the books that his portrayal in the show felt lacking.

Alina's power's VFX

The little suns were cute and all but the light coming from within her was just ugly I'm sorry.

SFX

A lot of the sound design was just too stylized for the tone of the show i think. I particularly remember the sound of Mal's punches....what's that about.

What i think could have been better, but didn't particularly dislike

The Crows' storyline

And i think part of this is a consequence of Kaz not being as witty as he was in the books. Where's the incredibly complicated heist moves? the even more unbelievable C and D plans when something goes wrong? I didn't like that them getting Alina was essentially just luck, cause i didn't see enough of them being smart and quick on their feet. I also think it was unnecessary to have their storyline mixed with Alina's, i would have enjoyed watching a different heist, maybe in Ravka as well, and them incidentally crossing paths with Alina, more than i liked this storyline. ironically enough, the heist was the part i was least interested in

Genya and Alina

I just feel like her relationship with Alina wasn't strong enough, and i think it's because the show tried to make us believe they were much closer than they were without spending the necessary time in them.

Overall, I really really enjoyed the show, i will be watching it again (particularly cause i want to watch it in English) and i cannot wait for the second season omg (although i have to say, I'm scared for Nikolai)

I think that's all! I would also love to read yall's opinions and have a conversation.

[dexiao]

Business trip (m) | Xiao Dejun

Synopsis: Y/N and Dejun worked together for 8 years as book editors and never got along, but they’re forced to travel together to a small town and get stuck there because of a snowstorm.

Pairing: Xiao Dejun x female reader

Words: 4.9k

Genre: Book editors!au, light angst, tiny bit of fluff, smut

Warnings: safe sex, oral (female receiving), handjob (male receiving) 

A/N: I guess this took me about 3 weeks or more to write because I just ran out of inspiration, and then when I finally got inspiration again I was super busy with college stuff. About the plot, I think it showed a bit of dominance from Dejun, BUT if I decide to keep writing in this same universe/context, it’ll probably show a lot more of a sub!Xiaojun (I just get these vibes, idk?). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know your opinion and/or if you found any mistakes!

This is a work of fiction. It does not portray the real personality of the member.

Books are probably my favorite thing on Earth besides my dog. I love the thought of living surrounded by books because it made me feel safe. Thus, it made just perfect to sense to work as a book editor.

In general, I felt satisfied about my job. I mostly did things I enjoy and with people I feel comfortable with – except by one other editor, Xiao Dejun. We were hired at the same time, 8 years ago, and never really got along.

At first, I tried my best to be nice and friendly to him – just like I acted with everyone else at the company – and he seemed to buy it for some time, until he changed overnight and started acting like a bitch. And by ‘acting like a bitch’ I don’t mean only not doing any favors I asked him. Actually, he wouldn’t do the bare minimum, like holding the elevator door or answering the telephone for me when I went to the restroom.

So you can imagine how co-working with him must be the least likeable thing about my job. That’s what made me angrier when our boss demanded that we traveled together.

“Don’t even look at me with those faces.” John, the boss, stated. “You both know Dejun is our best editor on thriller stories and Y/N is best with dealing with people. Especially in this case that the writer never published anything on his entire life.” I sighed and noticed Dejun getting ready to complain as Johnny made a brief pause. “I know you to are my best choice. I don’t give a shit if you hate each other because I trust both of you as professionals.”

That settled it.

And that’s why we traveled to Irisburg in the middle of the winter in the first place.

It took about 3 hours by car – I was driving – to get to the small town. The trip was silent most of the time, the only sounds being my Arctic Monkeys playlist, the car’s engine and eventually the rain pouring.

Dejun and I talked strictly talked about the reason of the trip and nothing else. In other words, we talked for about 15 minutes only, and avoided saying anything for the rest of the time.

The meeting lasted around 2 hours. Since the writer was a beginner, we had to explain everything about how the company works, his rights and duties. I’d hypocritical if I didn’t admit John was right. Dejun and I conducted the reunion very well.

The problem was that during the meeting, an unexpected snowstorm began. We were fully clothed, prepared to face the cold weather, but not to face the road block due to the snow. Needless to say we both were pissed off by the situation.

“Maybe we should call John.” Dejun suggested. “Tell him about the meeting and about this.”

“You’re right.” I said, already reaching for my phone.

“As always.”

I rolled my eyes at his words, pressing the call button and discovering that my phone was out of service.

“Oooh hell, no. This can’t be.” I widened my eyes at Dejun, who was staring at me with a confused expression. “Is your phone working?”

Dejun checked his phone.

“Fuck, no.”

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair.

“Let’s find somewhere we can use a phone, then.”

“Alright, and keep calm.” Dejun said, the stress palpable in his tone.

“I am calm, I’m just frustrated.” I replied, keeping my eyes on the road and looking for somewhere we could stop at.

“I was telling that to myself.”

After a few minutes we stopped at a convenience store. I went straight to the restroom to wash my face and try to calm down. Though I tried not to show that to Dejun, I was really nervous about being stuck in this town.

A moment later, I exited the restroom and found Dejun talking to the cashier, seeming worried. As the cashier glanced at me, Dejun turned around to face me as well.

“It seems like we have no way out. All roads are blocked until the snow stops and the streets are cleaned. Even if we call Johnny, there’s nothing to do.” He stated.

“That is great, really. Is there even a hotel in this fucking town?”

“There is one three blocks from here.” The cashier said, obviously containing a laugh at my reaction.

“Thank you, Zack.” Dejun replied and walked towards me, lowering his voice and putting a hand on my arm. “Look, Y/N. I don’t like this situation either, but it could be worse. At least we won’t have to sleep in your car.”

Although what I interpreted from his sentence was more like ‘at least we won’t have to sleep together’, I had to admit Dejun was right again, so I exhaled heavily. So I gave up, feeling my shoulders shrink.

“Let me just grab some coffee and then we can go, alright?”

“Sure.” He smiled briefly. “Maybe we should eat too.”

So we ended up eating sandwiches and drinking coffee at the convenience store, complaining about the situation and grabbing some snacks for the night. We ran to the car, trying to protect from the wind and the snow the best way we could.

As we entered the hotel, I already noticed how modest it was. The building only had three floors, no elevator and the decoration was very simple. The receptionist was a man who seemed to be around 50 years old.

“Good evening, how may I help this beautiful couple?” He smiled. I looked at Dejun in amusement, just to see his face becoming red.

“Actually we’re not a couple.” I responded, smiling fondly. Dejun waited behind me. “We’d like two single rooms.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. But we only have one room left and only has a double bed.” I felt my expression change at his words.

“Isn’t there a couch or a spare mattress?” Dejun asked, coming closer to the table.

“There isn’t, I’m sorry.” The man answered, visibly apologetic.

“It’s ok. You can have the room, I’ll sleep on the car. Just let me take a shower.” I suggested.

Dejun nodded and the man gave us the key to room n. 23.

Dejun and I climbed up the stairs to room n. 23 in silence.

I unlocked the door and we both stepped in, taking a good glance at the room.

It wasn’t that bad. The bed had lilac sheets. There were some flyers, a lamp and a vase with artificial peonies on top of the nightstands on both sides of the bed. There was a desk and a chair close to the window, and an open wardrobe with blankets and towels.

“Do you want to shower first? I don’t mind” He asked, walking towards a nightstand to look at the flyers.

“Alright.”

I grabbed a clean towel and threw it over my right shoulder, heading to the bathroom. When I opened the door, I realized another issue.

“Actually…” I turned to Dejun, who mindfully read something. “I just realized I don’t have clean clothes to put on.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and mouth.

“Crap, me neither.”

I dropped the towel on the chair and closed the bathroom door again, sighing.

“Maybe we should ask the receptionist if there’s a Target or something nearby.” I suggested, already grabbing my purse and walking out of the room. Dejun followed me.

It turned out that there’s wasn’t a Target nor anything nearby. We ended up back to the convenience store from before. And there weren’t many options on what to buy.

It was pretty compelling to browse for clothes with someone I am not close at all. Knowing each other and working together for years never made that.

Therefore, I left the store with new panties, sweatpants and a hairbrush. Dejun also bought underwear and sweatpants (matching colors with mine since there were only gray pants on sale), along with razor blades.

Back in the hotel, Dejun started laughing as we entered the room. So I raised my eyebrows at him.

“You gotta admit, Y/N. Even though we don’t get along, we’ll have a lot of stories to tell from this event.”

I let out a breathy laugh and went to the shower.

As the hot water poured on my body, I tried to keep my mind from becoming paranoid. Everything would be alright. I would sleep in the car, get up by the sunrise, drink coffee and read my book at the convenience store until the snow melted, and by tomorrow noon we would be back home.

Out of the shower, I dressed up and blow dried my hair as quick as possible. When I left the bathroom, Dejun stood by the window, with the towel hanging on this neck.

Our eyes met and he went straight to the bathroom after realizing it was his turn, but stopped before closing the door and faced me again.

“What do you think about having dinner here? It’s getting late and I doubt there’s any place we can go by now. Besides, I took a peek at the menu and it seems pretty decent.”

“Can I think about it while you shower?” I asked, pondering the pros and cons of just eating the snacks I bought previously.

“Sure.” He said and closed the door.

I laid in the bed and reached for the menu flyer from the nightstand.

I opened my eyes and frowned, not remembering where I was for a moment. I had been sleeping for who knows how much time. Dejun was at the door, talking to someone. I sat on the bed and rubbed my eyes, hearing him shut the door.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He stated, apologetic. He held a tray with pizza and coke. Also, Dejun was wearing glasses, which he never did at the company. And he looked pretty good like that. In sweatpants, glasses, hair still a little wet. A pretty domestic sight to look at.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for sleeping too.” I smiled, feeling shy.

“Anyway, since you were asleep I ordered pizza for us.” He motioned his head towards the table where he left the tray.

On top of the chair in front of the table laid a wet towel, that I supposed was Xiao’s since I left mine next to me on the bed.

Then I realized that it remained untouched. It was almost one hour and forty minutes since Dejun entered the shower, so he must have been sitting on that chair all of this time.

That made me feel even more ashamed of falling asleep.

“Y/N, is everything ok?” He asked, sitting on the chair.

“Oh, sure! Just let me wash my face before we eat ‘cause I’m still half asleep.” I responded, grabbing the towel next to me and heading to the bathroom, hearing Xiao laugh.

I hung the towel on the shower stall and threw the cold water on my face, feeling more awake instantly.

As I left the bathroom, Dejun had already opened the pizza box and brought it to the bed, the glasses of coke on one of the nightstands.

He zapped mindlessly through the TV channels, stopping in a Sandra Bullock movie.

We ate sitting on the bed, legs crossed like kids.

Grabbing my second slice of pizza, I decided to not let the meal be silent as most of the day had been.

“You know, Dejun, this situation sucks. But I have to admit that I underestimated you. I am enjoying being with you.” I said, looking at the pizza before taking a bite. Xiao raised one eyebrow at my words.

“You say this but you literally slept like 90% of the time we spent here.” He replied, teasingly. I rolled my eyes and he stretched his arm to grab the glasses of coke, handing me one.

I took a sip immediately, but Xiao put his glasses on top of his head like a tiara before drinking, leaving me with a confused expression. Realizing that I glanced at him, he explained.

“It sprinkles on the lenses if I drink anything sparkling with glasses on.”

“Oh, I see.” I nodded. “I never saw you using glasses at the company.”

“I don’t. I wear contact lenses most of the time.”

“Really? But you look good in glasses.”

Dejun’s surprised face and laugh made me realize what I just said, feeling my face become red and looking down. Cursing mentally, deciding it was best to keep the silence that reigned previously starting from now.

“Well, thank you, Y/N.” He said, still giggling a little. “You’re not bad yourself.”

After one more slice of pizza, I was full. Dejun was still eating the second slice, a lot slower than me.

“I guess it’s time to go now.” I spoke, getting up from the bed and going to pick up my stuff.

Xiao grabbed my arm and I looked at him in a jolt, my eyes meeting his brown ones.

“Already?”

My eyes shifted from his face to his hand on my arm before I could think of an answer, and he let go of the grip visibly more shy.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that…” He began, scratching the back of his neck. “… you seemed so tired, you drove a lot and will have to drive again tomorrow. The car isn’t a proper place to rest.”

I stood static for a few seconds.

“Are you sure? We’d have to share the bed.” I said, timidly.

“Yeah, we’re both adults. Besides, you already said you find me attractive, so I suppose it’s not a problem to you.”

I rolled my eyes and went back to picking up my things, pissed at his comment.

“You’re so full of yourself.” I mumbled.

“For fucks sake, do you know what a joke is, Y/N?” He said exasperatedly.

“Apparently I’m the joke to you.”

Xiao grunted and though I wasn’t looking at him, I could imagine him rolling his eyes just as I did before. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, resting elbows on his knees.

“You’re such a drama queen sometimes! You can’t even stand to read a few words without falling asleep, how well rested do you think you will be tomorrow after sleeping in a car in this fucking freezing weather?”

“So what the hell do you want me to do?” I practically yelled, closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and sitting on the chair before looking at him again.  

He didn’t answer but kept staring at me, and I calmed down after a while of silence. The tension was palpable in the air.

Momentarily, I let my eyes drop to Dejun’s mouth.

Realizing my stare, Dejun licked his lips and I opened mine involuntarily before searching for his eyes. Dejun brought his face closer to mine and spoke in a low, soft tone.

“I want you to kiss me.”

He slowly shifted his gaze to my lips and brushed softly the back of his left hand against my right cheek. I breathed heavily, inhaling his citric perfume, before leaning closer to him, blank minded and only feeling a sudden need to lick his inviting lips.

I rested my left hand on his thigh to support myself, closing my eyes as I felt our lips touch.

Dejun’s mouth was half open and I could sense the warmth and humidity of his tongue, making me crave for contact. I sighed and slipped the tip of my tongue to touch his lips, feeling myself salivate at the sensation. Dejun lodged one his hands close to my nape and the other on my waist, and I felt my heart rate increase due to the way he held me tighter.

I gasped as Xiao’s tongue touched mine and deepened the kiss. It was wet and slow, allowing us to savor each other’s mouth. My hands reached for his hair, pulling it lightly so he would realize that I was enjoying it. After a few moments, I broke the kiss and moved back a little, opening my eyes and gazing at his face.

His cheeks had a light blush and lips were flushed as well, lust showing in his eyes wide open. The most beautiful I’ve ever seen Dejun be.

“Is this what you wanted?” I whispered.

“That’s not even close to what I wanted, Y/N.” Xiao responded, elevating his tone. I frowned, looking down and distancing myself more at his words, unable to avoid feeling insufficient, as I couldn’t satisfy his wish. Both his hands cupped my face, forcing me to look at him again. “I want to kiss you so much that your body will get tender. I want to kiss every inch of your skin until you melt under my lips, I want to hear you whine because of my touches. I want you to wrap your hands around my neck and tell me how you never felt so good.”

Dejun’s gaze fell on my lips again, as if asking for permission accomplish his cravings, so I closed my eyes in a silent consent.

The next thing I felt was his lips crashing on mine again, in a rougher and more intense kiss then before. His hands grabbed my thighs, motioning me to go onto his lap. I got up and kneeled on the bed, one leg on each side of him, lowering my body to position on top of his hip. By this time, Xiao’s hands traveled up to my waist to guide me.

However, he didn’t mean for me to be on top of him, since he turned us both around, making me lay on the bed and positioning his body in the middle of my legs. His mouth descended to my jaw and neck, leaving a hot trail of open mouthed kisses and licks. Hands traveled from my waist to my thighs, squeezing the flesh. I could feel my panties becoming damp, curling my toes in desire.

“And you know what else I want, Y/N?” He asked, pressing his bulge against my pelvis, making groan at the feeling. I shook my head in denial as he kept grinding on my body. “I want to eat you out every fucking day at the office. I want your sighs to be because of me and not anything else. You look so pretty all focused on work, makes me insane thinking on how many ways I could tease you to distraction.”

“Fuck, Dejun.” I moaned, pressing his head closer to my neck and forcing my torso along his slightly toned body, one of my hands entering under the collar of his t-shirt. Dejun lightly bit my neck before getting away, removing his jacket. I removed my hand from his skin and ran it through his upper body, feeling his muscles become stiff under my touch.

He leaned and pressed a kiss on my stomach, then started to lift up my blouse. I rose my body in order to help, head standing close to Xiao’s. As he finished taking my top off, Xiao went in for another kiss, hands moving to my chest and squeezing my breasts beneath the bra.

I tugged at his t-shirt, attempting to take it off. Dejun undressed the piece of cloth and turned around, dropping it behind his body.

It was beautiful to see. Dejun’s now obvious erection pointed through his sweatpants. His light torso muscles contracted by turning around. When he faced me again, I couldn’t help but pull him closer, embracing his waist with my legs and his neck with my arms, craving for the sensation of his skin upon mine. Xiao started rolling his hips against my pelvis, so I kissed his neck to block the noises from coming out of my mouth. I could feel the outline of his member teasing me over the clothes.

His hands ran by the sides of my body and teased the waistband of my pants. He squeezed my thighs and butt, exposing his desire to take the piece off by the way he massaged the flesh from top to bottom.

I removed my legs from around him and positioned each foot on the bed, keeping knees flexed.

“Take these off.” I whispered.

Xiao raised his body a little, allowing me to lift my hips and help him undress me. He slid the piece along my legs, moving back. Only in bra and panties I completely laid down again. Dejun moved his head back until right above my right knee, sticking out his tongue and licking the inner part of my leg until reaching my underwear. The sensation of his hot and humid tongue close to my center made me involuntarily contract my abdomen in anticipation.

“Can I take these off to?” He asked, looking at me again while rushing his index finger on the edge of the cloth.

“Hm-hmm.” I nodded, preparing to lift my hips again.

He grabbed each side of the panties and slid it off at once, coming back licking the inner part of my left leg as he did to the right. One of his hands reached from under my thigh and pressed right under my bellybutton to keep me still, in a way that my leg rested on his shoulder.

I closed my eyes as I felt his breath hit my pussy, in expectation of contact. But it didn’t come.

I looked at Xiao’s amused expression between my legs. He held a devilish smile looking back at me.

“Can I?” He asked, pressing a kiss to my left inner thigh, so close to my core I could barely notice the difference.

“Please, Dejun-”

His tongue finally met my clit in soft circular and licking motions, and I felt a wave of warmth through my body, letting out a subtle moan. His free hand moved to my entrance, teasing.

“I wish I could have you like this every day.” He mumbled, distancing his head a bit to massage my clit with his fingers. His chin and lips glowed from my wetness. He licked his lips and moved his fingers down to my entrance again and penetrating me with his middle finger. We both bit our lips at the same time, and I closed my eyes as he started trusting his finger in and out. After a few trusts I felt an emptiness and attempted opening my eyes again, but stopping from being overwhelmed with the pleasure of Dejun sliding two fingers in and returning his mouth to my clit

His fingers curled against my walls and his mouth was now much more feral the before. He licked and sucked firmly at the spot, giving me continuous delight. My legs started to contract from the sensation, toes curled as I opened my eyes to watch Dejun eating me out.

Xiao’s eyes were both open and staring directly at my face, making me twitch and unleash a slow and heavy moan. I supported myself on one elbow and the other hand moved to grab Dejun’s hair. I could feel my eyebrows furrow against my will every time he pressed his mouth a little harder against me.

By the grab on his hair I pushed myself upon his face and rolled my hips. Dejun was clearly surprised, raising eyebrows and letting out a hum on my skin, enhancing the pleasure with the vibration from his voice. As he tried to repeat the act, I pushed him away by the forehead. His expression changed to confusion.

“I don’t want to come yet.” I explained, still gasping.

Dejun nodded and bent to kiss my lips, tasting saltier than before. I grabbed his jaw, willing to feel with my hand the arousal that covered his face, making it slippery. He supported his body with his arms by the sides of my head, pressing his erection against my dripping pussy.

“Dejun?” I whispered, breaking the kiss.

“Hmm?”

“Can I ride your cock?”

Dejun gasped at my question, immediately rolling to the side and pulling me on top of him. His back rested against the headboard and his arms circled my body, giving licks and kisses on my neck and around my collarbones. I felt his hands unclasp the bra before his kisses moved to my naked breasts. At first he just softly licked around the left nipple, circling it with his tongue, then tried his best to fit all he could from the boob inside his mouth, still moving his tongue against the skin.

At the same time, my nails scratched his back and nape, and I rolled my hips on top of his rock hard bulge.

Dejun’s hands fell to my butt, squeezing each side and pressing my body down in an attempt to guide my movements. With my right hand, as he distanced a little in order to regain his breath, I tugged at his waistband. All I could think of was Dejun’s cock filling me up, but the clothes in the way and his grip weren’t helping.

Xiao understood what I wanted and released my hips, so I lifted myself and he pulled both pants and underwear until the middle of his thighs. His gray pants had a large wet stain, and as he took it off his dick jumped up, hitting his abdomen. I licked my lips at the thought of how helpless he looked.

“Do you have a condom?” I asked. He nodded and pointed at the wallet on top of the table. I stood up to reach for it and threw it to Xiao, who urgently caught the small package inside.

Back on top of him, I took the condom off his hands. However, before sliding it along his shaft, I grabbed it by the base and pumped a couple of times, anxious to touch Xiao as closely as he touched me. He closed his eyes and groaned, before staring at me again almost angrily.

I slid the condom down his cock and positioned it on my entrance, trying to smear it with my arousal. As I sank down, we both cursed under our breaths. I closed my eyes for a while as I adjusted to his size. When I opened them again, Dejun’s gaze laid on my face, his hands just resting on my thighs.

I leaned to lick his lips and hold his shoulders, but Xiao only received my tongue inside his mouth and mindlessly sucked at it. I moaned loudly and began moving on his cock, feeling his grip tighten on my legs.

Dejun also started trusting into me in small movements, making me groan once again and break the kiss. He held my gaze at his eyes, so dark and full of desire, the effort causing him to contract his forehead. His lips were pink and plump, I couldn’t avoid the thought of him sucking my fingers.

As this image filled my head, I felt myself clench around his member. Xiao moaned loud and beautifully, leaning in an attempt to kiss me again. Never mind how bad I wanted to feel those lips on mine, I interrupted him with hand on his chest.

“I’m not gonna kiss you anymore. I want to hear those beautiful moans.” I explained, leaning to kiss his neck right under his left ear before even seeing his reaction, causing another moan, now lower, to come out his mouth.

After a few more moments, my legs started to feel tired, the I leaned back to have a bit of release on my thigh muscles. At my movement, Dejun, who had more space to move, began trusting deeper and I could perfectly sense his dick coming in and out of me, coated with my juices.

My abdomen started contracting and I knew my climax had its way.

“Fuck, Dejun, I’m close.” I warned, gasping.

He moved one hand to my clit, massaging it with his thumb in circular movements. Added to his hip moves, it was enough to trigger my orgasm. I clenched and felt my whole body contract and tremble on top of him, then feeling Xiao reach his on high as his cock pulsated inside of me.

I let out a breathy laugh while looking at Xiao’s fucked out face, messy hair and all sweaty. Anyway, I lifted my body to slip out of him and pressed a kiss on his lips, cupping his face in my hands.

“Maybe sleeping here isn’t such a bad idea after all.” I chuckled. Dejun opened a bright smile, putting his arms on my waist.

“You should’ve know I was right.” He joked, making me playfully roll my eyes.

“But we’re gonna need another shower anyway.” I said, laying by his side in contradiction to my words.

We kept staring at each other as our bodies cooled down and Dejun became soft, so he stopped patting my hair and went for a shower. As he was entering the bathroom, I called him.

“Dejun?”

“Yes?” He turned his face to me.

“With this tongue of yours, I’ll let you eat me out at the office whenever you want.” I smiled. Dejun laughed and shook his head before closing the door.

[vsquadgoals]

ok but like... reader cheating on her boyfriend with todd? 👀 idk if ur down to write that bc it’s kinda bad but it’s also low key... a vibe

A vibe hahahha love that

*******

Y/n was at Scott’s house with Zane, Todd, Heath, Mariah, and Jay and they were all waiting for David to come pick them up to go to Saddle Ranch, they went at lease once and a week and David loved it because it was good for his vlog. Y/n was pacing in Scott’s back yard on the phone with her boyfriend. “Evan... You’re flipping out for no reason, we’re going to friggin saddle ranch I don’t get what your issue is.” She said sighing, they had been on the phone for 10 minutes already and he hasn’t stopped yelling at her about her outfit. She was wearing a lace top, tight black leather pants, her Gucci belt and a pair of heeled booties. 

Sure the outfit was revealing but it wasn’t much different from what her and Corinna always wore when they went out, the issue was that he didn’t want to come but he barely ever hung out with her and her friends. “Grow up Evan. I’m going out with my friends like I do every week its not my fault that you would rather sit at home and play your stupid video games.” Todd opens the back door and looks at her smiling. “Y/n/n, Dave’s here we gotta head out.” He calls nodding his head toward the house. She sighs and nods. “Listen I don’t have time to argue with you about this, lets just agree to disagree. I have to go David’s here. Bye.” She hangs up before he can yell at her anymore. “Everything okay?” Todd asks before she can slip past him into the house. “Hes just being ridiculous, he saw the picture I posted on my story (A/n: Picture above.) and is now flipping out about my outfit.” Todd looks her up and down which hes been doing all night since she first walked into Scott’s house tonight. “I can’t really blame him you look hot.” She rolls her eyes and hits his chest playfully. “Alright lover boy lets go before David leaves us here.” Todd follows her out to the Tesla watching her ass biting his lip, fuck he mumbles under his breath. 

Y/n is at the bar in Saddle ranch with Zane waiting for their drinks. “So how are you and Evan doing?” Zane asks causing her to roll your eyes. “I thought they were good but now he’s getting jealous and barely wants me to go out with you guys.” Zane shook his head. “Fuck him, Lets just have fun tonight and get fucked up!” Zane chants taking the drinks from the bartender she takes it from him and they both practically chug them. Corinna runs over and grabs her hand, “Lets dance y/n/n!” She yells over the music dragging her to the dance floor. Todd is leaning against the wall talking to Scott but his eyes are on y/n dancing with Corinna, he wished that he was the one she is grinding against. Scott waved his hand in front of Todd’s face snapping him out of his thoughts. “dude, She’s dating someone.” He reminds him. Todd sighs, “yeah but its not going good right now.” Scott rolls his eyes. “Doesn’t mean anything Todd.” Scott says sighing. 

By this point y/n definitely feeling the alcohol and all she wants do is dance but Corinna is tucked in the corner of the bar talking to some guy. Y/n sighs before seeing Todd sitting with his back against the bar looking around the room watching his friends. Once she gets over to him shes standing in between his legs wrapping her arms around his neck, she smiles at Scott who’s sitting next to Todd with his drink in hand. “Hey Y/n” Scott says shaking his head chuckling a bit. Todd’s hands go right to her hips. “You want another drink?” Todd asks pulling her attention back to him. She turns back to him leaning closer into his touch shaking her head. “I wanna dance but no one will dance with me.” y/n pouts winking at Todd who is now smirking at her. “I’ll dance with you, come on.” He says standing, she grabs his hand happily pulling him toward the dance floor. Todd looks back at Scott and winks. 

Y/n turns her back to Todd and he wraps his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him, she bites her lip and starts dancing against him moving along with the music. She reaches back putting her hand on the back of Todd’s neck as they dance, he leans down his lips brushing over her bare shoulder and then her ear. “happy?” He asks breathing against her ear. His lips against her skin was making her core ache, She bit her lip and nodded looking over her shoulder at him. The longer they danced like this the more she ached for him and the sluttier she got grinding against him. 

David made his way over to the two. “We’re heading out come on guys.” He yelled over the music. They both nodded, Todd kept his arm around her waist as they headed out of the bar and to David’s tesla. David dropped them off at Scott’s, she looks at Todd once they were in his drive way and David pulled away. “Can you drive me home?” She asks biting her lip, “I don’t think I should drive.” Todd nods, “Yeah of course, get in the car I’ll just let Scott know I’m leaving.” She smiles and kisses his check before climbing in his passenger seat. Todd runs inside. “Hey, I’m gonna head out and give Y/n a ride home, shes had too much to drink. She said she’ll pick up her car tomorrow.” Scott looked at Todd for a second before sighing. “Alright buddy, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Todd reached over and put his hand on her thigh while he drove toward her house, She was looking on her phone for another song to put on. Once she found one she put her phone down and smirked at Todd biting her lip. “Thanks again Toddy, I owe you one.” She said over the music, Todd shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not going to make you take an uber by yourself at 2 am.” She leans over and kisses his cheek. “I’m sure you could think of something I could do to repay you.” She whispers into his ear as they pull into her driveway. She undid her seatbelt and got out of the car, when Todd didn’t get out of the car right away she peaked her head back inside. “coming?” She asks before closing the door and taking out her keys from her purse. Todd took a deep breath before getting out of the car and following her inside, he knew this was wrong but he couldn’t help himself, hes been trying to get his hands on her since they met. 

Y/n kicked off her shoes at the door after she closed the door behind Todd locking it. “Do you want a drink?” She asks putting her keys and purse on the table, Todd shook his head before wrapping his arms around her waist from behind kissing her shoulder. Y/n tilted her head to the side and leans back against him humming happily. “Where’s your room?” He mumbles against her silky skin, she bit her lip before taking his hand and guiding him upstairs to her bedroom. She closes the door behind them and turns toward Todd biting her lip. She grabs his hips walking backwards she turns them around and pushes him onto her bed, she climbs on top of him straddling his waist. “Is this okay?” She asks leaning down hovering her lips over his. “Yes.” he mumbles before grabbing her hair pulling her closer crashing his lips onto hers. Y/n runs her tongue along his bottom lip, he opens his mouth slightly granting her tongue entrance, she moans into his mouth feeling his hard member between her legs. 

“Fuck.” Todd breathes when she starts grinding her hips against his, she reaches her hands under his shirt pulling it over his head throwing it onto the floor. Todd sits up wrapping his arms around her waist and kisses down her neck slowly causing a small moan to leave her lips. He reaches up and moves the cup of her lace top releasing both of her breasts, he sighs happily before taking her nipple into his mouth swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud and sucking lightly. She moans softly, Todd stands up holding her and turns placing her onto the bed and crawls ontop of her. He undoes her belt and slips her pants off slowly and then her top. He stands over her biting his lip. “Fuck, No panties?” Todd groans, Y/n smiles at him sitting up undoing his pants slipping them down his legs along with his boxers. 

Todd climbs ontop of her and lines himself up pushing his cock into her dripping wet folds and into her tight hole. “Fuuuuck.” He groans closing his eyes, he waits a second letting her adjust before he starts thrusting into her quickly. Y/n wraps her legs around his waist moaning under him, she reaches up putting her hand behind his neck pulling their lips together. She kisses him hard nibbling on his lip every so often. Todd pulls one of her legs over his shoulder thrusting into her faster, Y/n tugs lightly on his hair and suddenly shes a moaning mess and hes thrusting against all the right spots. “Fuck Toddy!!! You’re going to make me cum!” She moans arching her back, Todd smirks and pushes into her harder. “That’s right, cum for me baby.” He groans his movements getting sloppy as he neared his release as well. Y/n clawed her nails down his back moaning his name loudly cumming around his cock, Todd follows right behind her releasing inside of her. He rolls off of her laying next to her trying to catch his breath, “Fuck Toddy, that was amazing.” She said looking over at him biting her lip. Todd smirks and leans over peppering kisses on her lips pulling the blankets over their naked bodies. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He wrapped his arms around her and they laid there for a while catching their breath smiles on their faces. They both were almost asleep holding each other when suddenly her bedroom door was being slammed open. “What the fuck is going on here?!” The two of them shot up to see Y/n’s boyfriend standing in the door way. “Fuck.” She mumbled. 

[fearfulkittenwrites]

Nightmares

Warnings: Talks about his parents a little if that’s something that upsets you, but other than that, nothing.

Word count: 1928

Notes: Hey there! So, a little disclaimer: I don't know all that much about Duke, so I just really hope his characterization is good. I also don't know if Dick is the one he's the closer to, but... I know more about Dick than I know about the others so I though it'd be best to use him??? Also, I really think he's the one least likely to be perceived as a threat in general, because he seems to be the one who just... smiles the most. And Idk, it made sense in my head. Now that we got that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this work!

Duke blinked his eyes open. His room was still drowning in darkness, so he sat up as quickly as he could and turned the lights on, vision blacking out for a moment. His eyes hurt because of the sudden brightness, but that was better than the unlit environment, so he rubbed them for a second, hoping it would make it better. Slowly, he managed to keep his eyes open, and looked down at his bare legs and sock-covered feet.

He was alive.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

He was safe.

It wasn’t the first night it had happened. Or the second. It wasn’t even the tenth time that it had happened, and we’re only talking about one month. He ran a hand across his face, feeling how sweaty his forehead was, and then slipped out of bed, walking towards the bathroom as his legs still felt a little bit funny, too light to properly carry his body around. He supported his weight on the sink, not wanting to face the mirror just yet.

The cold water helped. Duke felt grounded again, and, unfortunately, more awake. He sighed, face still dripping wet. Sleeping now would be near impossible. He stared into his own reflection.

“Why am I this stupid?” He shook his head, murmuring to himself “It’s just a dream.”

Letting go of the sink, he patted his face dry, coming back to bed. He checked the time on his phone. 3:41.

“Fuck.” All that he managed were four hours, if that, of sleep. Again. And he was no Tim Drake, meaning that functioning during the day would be a big problem.

He laid his head on the fluffy pillow, staring at the ceiling for a moment. He wondered what to do.

He knew that all of the other bats had the same type of issues. Mostly because some of them would wake up screaming in horror, even when they were just taking a nap on the couch. Jason, Damian and Tim had them like that. Cass and Dick never screamed, but they always shot awake quickly and broke down sobbing soon after. He was sure Bruce had them too, but he never saw the man sleeping. He just put two and two together, noticing how his mood changed and how much sleep he seemed to be getting, and assumed he would get them just as often as any of his kids.

He knew all of them would wander into each other’s rooms at night, when they couldn’t sleep. As usual, not because he had been told, but because he had seen Damian and Cass leaving Dick’s room in the morning way too many times. The same thing happened to Tim and Jason, who seemed to often invade the other’s space. But that didn’t stop both of them from searching for Dick frequently as well. And the older boy would, occasionally, be spotted leaving Jason’s room.

He wondered how that worked. If they had a code, or a calendar, any sort of system that had been set up in the past.

He wished he was part of that system.

He checked the time again. Two minutes had passed.

Time was ticking too slowly. He was tired, but sitting alone in the dark was definitely not a good idea right now.

He’d have to ask for help.

Duke swallowed, analyzing his options. Damian was an angry menace, so he was off the list. Cass was scary and the one member you most definetly don’t want to piss off, which meant the risk was too great. Tim wouldn’t be such a bad option, but if he wasn’t out on patrol then he’d be working on one of his projects or homework, in a coffee induced mania. Which meant no. Jason was nice. They got along fine. But still, there was something about him that was always on edge, a little too wild, unpredictable.

Which left out one option. Dick Grayson.

And he was not exactly a great one either.

The teen swallowed.

“Well, it’s now or never, Duke.”

He stepped out of the bed and walked to the man’s door. He stared at the wood’s detailing for a longer time than what he had originally planned on. He raised a shaky hand and gave it three weak, quick knocks.

“Hm...?” Comes the answer.

“Uhm, Dick?” Duke asks “Sorry to wake you, I just...” he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. There was some shuffling on the other side of the door, before it was swung open carefully.

“Hey there.” Dick smiled, blue eyes half closed and voice still raspy as he leaned on the doorframe “Can’t sleep?” Duke shook his head “I see. Come in.” Dick gesture him to enter. Duke noticed he had a nightlight on, making the room dark enough to sleep, but light enough to see in “Want me to turn on the lights?”

“No, this is fine.” He answered, watching Dick lay down again. The older man tapped on the bed slightly. Duke didn’t quite get the message.

“Duke. You can sit.” Dick said gently.

“Oh. Right.” He nodded.

Dick studied his movements as he carefully sat down, back towards him.

“Duke,” He asked, pushing himself up on his elbow “What’s going through your mind? Like, right now?” He asked “Be honest.”

The teen sighed.

“That I shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t have woken you up. I’m sorry. You’re always working so much, I shouldn’t be so selfish, you need to sleep, and...”

“Okay, calm down.” Dick sat up next to him, shuffling to throw his legs off the bed “Why did you come here?”

Duke winced. He regretted everything and wished he had just dealt with it by himself.

“I-I had a nightmare and I couldn’t sleep.” He answered “I’m sorry, I know that’s not your problem, I should just...” He tried to get up, but felt Dick’s hand on his shoulder and stopped.

“Hey,” He called, calmly “Don’t say stuff like that. You’re my brother, Duke. I’m here to help.” Duke looked into the other’s eyes, bright blue lights staring into his soul “Okay?” Duke nodded “Good.” He rubbed his back a little, and Duke slowly eased into the touch “Something tells me this isn’t the first time you had a nightmare.” Duke bit his lip “That’s okay. Why didn’t you ask for help?”

“I... I didn’t think I could.”

Dick tilted his head to the side.

“Why not?”

“I mean... You guys seem to have your system or whatever. I didn’t want to get in the way.” He answered, staring at the floor. Dick frowned, confused.

“System?”

“Yeah,” He answered “I’ve seen you guys waking up on each other’s rooms and all. I know you must’ve worked out a way of... I don’t know. Helping each other, I guess? And I didn’t want to cause some sort of imbalance.”

Dick went quiet for a while, thinking.

“Duke,” He started “We don’t have a system.”

“You don’t?” He looked at the other, who shook his head slowly “But then how does it...” He gestured vaguely, trying to convey a message. Dick grinned.

“Whenever one of us can’t sleep, we go to someone’s room. That’s all there is to it, really.” He explained.

“But... What if someone walks into a room where someone else is having a rough time too? Like, what if Tim goes to Jason and he’s also having a nightmare or an insomnia espisode? Or if Damian comes into your room but Cass is already here?”

Dick shrugged.

“I don’t know how the others deal with it, but if I’m having a nightmare when someone comes in, it’s a relief for me too. And the beds are big enough to fit three or more people.”

Duke thought for a moment.

“So there is no system?”

“Nope.” Dick answered “And just to make things clear: you can knock at my door whenever you need to, alright?” Duke nodded “Great.” He smiled.

It made Duke feel at home. The nightlight kept the room in a comfortable gloom, and nothing here seemed threatening or dangerous. A big teddy bear was sitting on a chest of drawers, surrounded by three smaller plushies; a cat, a bat and a bunny. He had too many pillows on the bed, and every piece of furniture was painted on the lighter side. A real contrast to the man who jumped from buildings and kicked faces for a living.

“So... The bad dream,” Dick started, carefully “What was it about?”

“My mom and my dad.” He looked down again “I was... They were chasing me. I was in a forest and... They didn’t know who I was, and I was running, it was dark and I kept stumbling, falling, tripping on roots and stones... And then...” Duke made a choked sound, and covered his mouth, feeling embarassed.

“It’s alright.” Dick whispered, hand rubbing circles on his back again.

“And then... The Joker was there. And the forest was gone. But I don’t know where I was, it was so dark and I couldn’t see anything, except for him. I tried to run, but I was paralized, in that weird dream way, you know?” Dick nodded, and Duke nodded with him “Yeah. And he didn’t say anything, he just... laughed and laughed and laughed... And then I woke up.”

“That sounds awful, Duke.” He said, soft eyes and understanding voice.

“It... It was.” He felt an arm across his shoulders, and he leaned into Dick’s chest. His shirt smelled like laundry detergent.

“Yeah. But you’re safe now. I’ve got you.” The man gave him a squeeze, resting his chin on the top of his head.

“I- I know.” He answered “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They stayed like that for a while, until Duke trusted himself to speak without crying.

“How do you...” Duke started, and Dick let go of him so they could properly talk “When someone sleeps here, how does that happen? Like, where... Where am I supposed to sleep?”

“In the bed?” Dick tilted his head again.

“But... Isn’t it, like, weird?”

“Oh...” He raised his eyebrows “I see. Not really, no. Usually we cuddle, but that’s not mandatory. Cass is the only one who isn’t always wanting to, but even if she doesn’t want to touch me, the bed is big enough so that we don’t have to. Look, if you want to, you can use the couch, but I strongly suggest against it.” Duke looked at the small sofa placed against the wall. He’d have to curl up in a weird position to sleep in it.

“I think I’ll take the bed.”

Dick tapped his back slightly.

“Good choice.” He smiled, turning around to lay down again. Duke mimicked the action, placing his head on the pillow. Dick’s were much softer and fluffier than his. Not in a bad way, just different.

It felt odd. The bed smelled distinctly like his brother, but he was unsure on which product had that effect; the aftershave, the cologne, the deodorant, the shampoo, the hair pomade... Maybe a combination of all of those. Weirdly, it felt comforting. Safe.

He turned around, laying on his side and curling up a little, like he always did. Dick had his back turned to him.

“Hey, uhm, Dick?” He whispered.

“Yeah?” The other murmured sleepily.

“I was... M-maybe... If we... Like, would it... U-uh...”

Dick turned around.

“It’s okay.” He said, wrapping his arm around the other “Like this?”

“Y-yeah.” He stuttered “Thank you.”

“No worries, baby bro.” He grinned “Good night Duke.”

“Good night.”

[thinking-in-symbols]

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years.  When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog.  Today I thought I’d revisit that.  I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames.  I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station!  Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this.  I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things.  I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic.  But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm.  “Proficient” is a relative term.  But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages.  I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug​, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this.  If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused.  More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what?  I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial.  So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish.  I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently.  Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room.  So there’s more work to do.  More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point.  I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man.  I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment.  I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories!  Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place.  I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this.  I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected.  This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect.  Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet.  Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket.  I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much.  Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep!  Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years.  I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position.  More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious.  Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately.  But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this.  That’s a cool idea.  I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle.  I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money.  No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop.  That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career.  Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others.  No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope.  I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird.  Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right?  Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating.  So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it.  I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues.  Just kidding.  But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done!  Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French!  But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao.  I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself.  How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post.  But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done.  I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever.  I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this.  I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive.  But a van?  Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort.  This has actually been front-of-mind for a while.  I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point.  I do have other thoughts on this, though.  Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term?  Three months?  If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school.  However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet.  I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through.  We’ll see where this goes.  It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done.  It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes!  :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about.  I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated.  But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing.  So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years.  Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it!  Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-) 

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet.  I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat.  Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad!  I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”.  I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself.  The point is, they got done.  That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships.  I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying.  And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life.  I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh.  I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing.  I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect.  These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life.  I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap.  Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change.  I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds!  Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development.  The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort.  For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point.  It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two.  The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science.  Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas.  I mean, I’ve done some.  But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree.  I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school.  Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now!  So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list.  I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate.  I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more.  I know what I need to know.  It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news.  I’ve always been scared about entering the working world.  All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have.  But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term.  So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done.  What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished.  I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest.  But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life.  Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK.  There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames.  Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

[missingrobin]

Never let you go Robin Buckley x Reader

Masterlist

Paring: Robin x Reader

Warnings: Reckless driving?, Yearning, Melancholy feels idk 

A/N: This is a fic loosely based around my life because ya girl def is yearning all the time soooooo, I might have forced my own issues on this fic but don’t worry its still pretty cute. Also this is my first fic in a hot minute so bare with me :) 

The wind whipped around your car. The air was cold and street lights flooded empty sidewalks. You were in an empty parking lot sitting in your car utterly alone. Your frayed black t-shirt covered your broken soul. Tears dripped down your chin almost in a drip drop formation. In the background a sad melody rang and set the mood of the atmosphere. 

You had just broken up with the girl of your dreams. Your blood pumped and your eyes burned. They were a blazing fire from the waterfall that spilled down your face. You breathed trying to catch your breath that was constantly running away from you. 

You were parked outside of Family Video Robins’ new job. Gazing upon the lonely shack struck pain in your heart. A dull aching pain caressed your bones as memories flashed through your brain. From the first time you walked into Scoops Ahoy till the time you helped save the world, you were always together. You loved Robin deeply but the ignorance of Hawkins finally started pulling your relationship apart and you both couldn’t take the pressure anymore.

 4 miles away Robin laid in bed sobbing to Celine Dion. Screams and angry pillow jabs met her room and surrounded her whole house. Deep black eyeliner shadowed her already tired eyes and rested on her face

“How could I lose her? She was my everything and I let her slip away because of some bigoted town. I’m an idiot. How did I fuck up this bad?” a restless breath left Robins’ being. 

Guilt, Regret, and passion flowed in Robins’ body like the very blood keeping her alive. Her lips parted to let the sobs out of her soul and you did the very same.

Your body rested in your seat like a corpse. No mark of happiness could be found in a 10 mile radius of you. The only sound that was left in your car was the beat of your heart and the radio. 

“I need her.” It only took a millisecond for you to figure out what your next move was. You were gonna get your girl back, no matter what. You pulled out of the parking lot like a bat outta hell and set your destination for Robins house. You picked up speed like you were a race car driver. You knew it was dangerous going 75 on a residential road but fuck it, there’s no way on earth you were slowing down for anyone or anything. You drove so fast it felt like your tires might explode.

“Come on old girl keep going,” you chanted to your dry heaving car. 

You had one more turn before you were on Robins’ street the suddenly, you hit a huge fucking trash can. Your head went flying forward but was safely caught by your airbag. You could see all the lights in the neighborhood start flicking on and your eyes widened.

“FOR FUCK SAKES,” you screamed into the dark abyss. 

You couldn’t let this minor but sorta major set back keep you from the love of your life. You jumped out of your car and started sprinting toward the house where you’d been so many times before. You felt time slow down as you turned your head side to side to see disapproving mothers waging their finger at you and shaking their head. Your legs pushed against the concrete with a force of a thousand gladiators, you felt like a warrior the way you ran into battle. When you finally reached the door you raised your fist to pound against it but your opportunity ceased when Robin swung the door open. 

You stared at each other with wide eyes and slightly opened mouths. Both dumbfounded you tried to speak at the same time, which turned into a no you go ahead contest. Finally you obtained the gall to scream what was beating in your heart. 

“I’m in love with you! I Y/n L/n am so fucking madly in love with you it hurts. I’m not gonna these bigoted, homophobic assholes keep me from being madly in love with you. If we have to we can move to some really gay town where they’re really gay and happy and they sing songs about being gay and happy…” 

You didn’t realize that yet again tears were running down your face and somehow your hands were interlaced with Robins’

“You’re my forever and I can’t let you go so please stay…” 

“I love you Y/n, you’re the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I go to sleep at night, now let's get the hell outta here!”

With no hesitation you ran to your slightly wrecked car and hopped inside with the love of your life at your side. You backed away from the dismantled trashcan and giggled. Rotting banana peels and moldy bread rested on your windshield. Your lip furrowed and your eyes sunk into your skull as you turned on the window wipers. You connected your eyes with Robin and you both turned your head with an internal agreement to not mention what you both just witnessed. And just like that you were off. The streetlights kissed you goodbye and you rested your arm on your car door. You made waves with your arms and didn’t take a second glance at Hawkins. It never truly felt like home ever since you met her.

[peeterparkr]

hi lovely nancy!! 🧚🏻‍♀️ how about a blurb of #40 with tom please? ily ✨

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.” 

 Helloooo! Ooof yess!! Ily 💕

Idk why I wrote this so long i’m sorry 

warnings: angsty, fluffy, 2.5k 

When the truth speaks loudly there is nothing that can be undone. And you had learned it the bad way.It started out in a bar when you had barely paid any attention to him. In fact, you had both been stuck with each other for lame reasons, your respective friends were about to hook up and you both had the role to entertain the remaining friend.

He didn’t know, but your friend had dared you to get the one and only Tom Holland to ask you out. You were good at getting dates so you accepted the dare. You’d ask her to get rid off his friend, whom luckily she was attracted to, so you could be with him. You had told your friend exactly what she’d do. And Tom had noticed how you had guided your friend into getting with his friend. Your advice was on point, telling her the buttons she had to push to get the man to her. 

And she had. So you had your own game to play. 

“Want me to buy you a drink?” Tom asked, watching his friend leave. 

“Sure, martini, dry,” you said. 

“You were good,” Tom said. “I had never seen Haz ask someone to dance right away.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you chuckled. 

But he had flirted, just a bit, saying how lame both your friends had been at flirting, but how amazing your advice had been for your friend to get Haz to the dancefloor. But you both knew what exactly was coming, you’d probably have to tag along with your friends and let them be while they had all the fun. While you and Tom had to lie that you were having fun. 

“You knew this was happening,” Tom said. “You were conscious you’d have to stay with me, but of course you’re not complaining because you got the lottery didn’t you? Tom freaking Holland,” he laughed. 

“Ah, sure,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m sorry but no, I’m afraid the only sole role I’m playing tonight is the one who has to stay with the friend so she over there can have a good time.” 

Tom grinned. “Are you? Or is she really the one to be playing that role?” He pushed. 

You smirked. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I have no interest in you. I’m only happy she might get some.” 

“So, they’re getting laid and that’s it, what’s special about it?” Tom chuckled. 

“She’s not,” You grinned. “You see, my advice will lead to a date, not a one night stand.” 

“Is it?” Tom chuckled. 

“Yes, I’m good with that,” she chuckled. “You’re boring me, so here, please take care of this, I’m going to dance.” 

And you gave him your purse with a sole purpose, so he could see it and you knew that he’d probably get out your phone, which had no password and he’d call himself to get your number and save his own.  

He did as expected. 

And eventually, he called you. As you had expected, two days later. So he insisted, just as you had expected him to, that you guys should hang out as well, because well, you’d both be alone for the next few weeks considering that you had been right and that your friends hadn’t slept together but they had agreed on going on a date. 

And that’s how it started, first with bowling double dates, then with you going to his parties, then you’d end up at his house helping him with whatever it had occurred to him, barbecues and late-night movie dates. But then, you weren’t with Monica and Harrison. Suddenly both you and Tom were hanging out together without them.

“I got a date,” you had said to your friend. “Give me my fifty bucks.” 

“I’ll give you a hundred if you get into a relationship with him.” 

So it had been. And it was just going to be slightly awkward at the beginning, that’s what you expected. Going to the movies, and going out for dinner. The usual getting to know each other and slightly boring date, that’s what you had expected. But he hadn’t taken you to a fancy restaurant or to the movies, he had decided to do something more fun, so he took you to a boxing match. And that was fun. You both yelled and laughed and had fun. And you had screwed it up because you had kissed him on the first date. 

But so it started. Dates on cafés, bars and picnics under the stars.. Late nights under the white sheets that meant only a melody to you. Breakfasts the next morning with burnt eggs and burnt waffles. Ending up ordering something. 

Visit museums, fancy restaurants and not so fancy ones. Midnight snacks and moonlight secrets.  Cuddles and snuggles and inventing new ways to kiss. Hand holding. You know, cute little dates that would insist on him coming up with a new theory of a new movie. You sharing your favourite books with him and him practising lines with you. Learning about movies that had made you cried and movies that hadn’t, like both of you had cried with Toy Story but neither had cried with A Walk To Remember. Weird pet peeves, like the fact that he despised ketchup or the fact that you hate when people crack their knuckles. 

Background stories with sad memories and childhood stories that were too adorable to forget, like his first Spider-Man comic or your favourite Barbie. 

Then it was public…just slightly, so you’d be seeing your pictures on the internet, and some major gossip on an article you’d avoid reading. 

You had still applied your dating strategies until you weren’t anymore. Suddenly you had broken your number one rule, you were in love with him. And you had taken him to meet your parents and he had taken you to meet his family. 

And before you could back away, the words had slipped by. “I love you.” 

It had been nice, easy, and so not planned. 

You were watching Stranger Things together and you had promised each other that you wouldn’t cheat on each other by skipping ahead. Tom had this horrible habit of spoiling every single series or movie to you. But he had promised he’d wait on this one. 

“I’ve been ignoring all social media,” he said. “I don’t want any spoilers.” 

You bit your lip. “I haven’t been ignoring it,” you confessed. 

“Oh my god, you know what happens, don’t you?” 

You wrinkled your nose. “I might have seen something, but I’m not entirely sure, I closed the app before I could see anything.” 

“Oh, so then I can feel okay about saying this,” he said relieved. “I might have skipped ahead…” 

“You…what?” You frowned. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry!” He said. “But I couldn’t sleep! I needed to know, if I didn’t… Okay, you see these dark circles? Those were because I couldn’t sleep without knowing, oh my god, I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you, what do you want me to do? I’ll…I’ll do anything, want me to eat a spoonful of ketchup?” 

“Oh my god, Tom,” you laughed. “What?” 

“I’ll go get the ketchup, I’m so sorry,” he said and you went over to the fridge and took out a spoon. 

“No, no, oh my god, no Tom, no,” you laughed. “Gosh, no it’s okay, don’t do it.” 

But he had already done it. 

“You’re so stupid, I love you!” And you had said it. 

“What.” 

“What?” You chuckled, clearing his throat. 

“I… You love me?” He asked you. 

“I…uh, didn’t say anything,” you screamed. 

And he had dropped the spoon and ran to you to kiss you. “I love you, too.” 

So, you were screwed. Because you did. And without knowing it, you were in a relationship. And it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. Because you had completely forgotten your bet. 

Everything had been screwed, until one morning when your friend and roommate came to your room, unbeknownst to her, Tom was in your restroom, washing his face. 

“Here’s your 100 bucks,” Monica said. “You did it, congrats.” 

“What?” You asked. 

“You have a relationship,” she said. “Remember? The bet we had? That if you got him in a relationship I’d give you a hundred bucks, well there you go.” 

And he had listened. And you couldn’t even explain it to him. 

“No, Tom, Tom, Tom, I’m sorry, she didn’t mean-” 

“No, no, I get it, it was a lie! That’s alright, you won the lottery didn’t you honey?” He yelled as he was storming out of your house. “It’s okay, y/n, I’m good. You have a hundred bucks, hope they serve you well.” 

“Tom!” But it had been useless. 

Your days became pathetic. You listened to sad music to make you sadder, and you saw outside with melancholy from the car window when it rained as if you were the star of a video from the 2000’s. All this while you took advantage of the rainy nights to go out and drive to listen to songs that your mom probably used to listen to, but that now they became too special because the fool you were decided to internally dedicate them to him.

So you became a slave to silly things. Pathetic things. Like when you ate chocolate ice cream while watching the Netflix screen over and over again to end up watching Friends for the twelfth time. Turning around in bed and not being able to sleep, just like you were right now. Everything was tasteless and colourless as you soon were realizing that you had to let Tom go. You’d cry over silly things, over Stranger Things and over ketchup. 

You had tried to call him, but he’d never answer. 

When the truth speaks loudly there is nothing that can be undone. And you had learned it the bad way. 

You had mailed him a box, that included two things. An issue of the first Spider-Man comic he’d ever read and a dvd you had found of A Walk To Remember. 

It had a note. 

“Tom,

I never thought I would be in love with you if we are honest. I never thought I would ever even get the chance to meet you. There were days in which I couldn’t believe it, but then I realized that you had been there to teach me a lesson. You know, like it was simple like it was meant to be.

It wasn’t something that happened by chance, you know? Nor was it planned, if it had been it would have been sudden and easy to forget. How things should be, with a specific schedule and a goal. Too bad we were looking elsewhere.

I wonder, did I know? Did you know that I was going to hurt you?  Had I known, I would’ve never approached you, why would it be necessary to cause so much pain and guilt in someone who just wanted to give a little life to you?. I understand you don’t want to see me anymore. 

I would say that I am already clean, if I were. I would say that it doesn’t hurt anymore, if it were true.

After devoting enough thoughts I have but one explanation, I’m stupid, I realized how we spend time, infidelities to the heart and deception to the mind. Games that only enclose in dungeons from which you can not find a way out. Dark places from which the low light we find is a reflection of illusion.

I think I went through too many things with my foolishness of not wanting to tell you when I could, not wanting to look for an alternative and not wanting to stop protecting myself. Yes, it began as a bet. It was my fault, I suppose, to believe that I wouldn’t face someone like you. Had it been anybody else, it would’ve been easier, still wrong, but easier. But you never know, I used to say that my heart was indomitable and if now I found myself writing a letter. I forgot it was a bet. Because you made it easy to forget. 

Which reminds me of things that aren’t easy to forget, Tom. Like any silly girl who has a fondness for the seasonal doll, or a guy who can’t forget the first issue of the first comic of the superhero he gets to play now. 

I was never a fan of flowers and less of the conversations at midnight. Being honest, I like to fall asleep early. I was never someone who cried at stupid romantic movies, but then I realized that when the person you love the most is gone, you find yourself crying over those stupid romantic movies. 

Which brings me to my second gift, I hope you watch it and maybe just like the first issue of that comic, you never forget me.

I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, because I know I don’t deserve forgiveness. I just need you to know that for me it was never a lie, what started out as a stupid way to win a hundred bucks ended up as the best adventure I’ve ever lived. To be the best story yet to be told, and to the series, I might want to skip ahead to see if we ever cross paths again. I know you were a fan of spoilers, so, mind giving me one, now? Do they end up together again? 

Sounds pathetic, but it’s pretty. All I have to say is, I’m sorry. And I need you to know this: “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.”

And he hadn’t answered. But you didn’t expect him to. But Monica had tried to cheer you up, and she had taken you to the bar. 

“Now you will do exactly as I say, okay?” And she had left to the dance floor to bring someone over. And said someone had sat beside you and you hadn’t looked up. 

“Hi,” it was Haz. 

“Hey,” you said, looking at him. “You guys want me to leave you alone?” 

Haz chuckled. “I’m afraid the only sole role I’m playing tonight is the one who has to stay with the friend so him over there can have a good time,” Haz whispered. And you turned around to see him. 

You walked over to him. “Tom, I’m so sorry…” You said. “I’ll let you crack your knuckles, I’ll crack my knuckles.” 

“Sh,” he shook his head, watching you as you tried to crack your knuckles. “Oh, gosh don’t ever do that again. Now I see why you hate it.” 

And you were crying in a bar. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Spoiler alert,” Tom said, leaning over to kiss you. “She wins him back”

fic based on this blurb

[wakaoujisenhime]

Can a request a fic where levi's s/o is still in the underground and practically runs it then something happens (maybe scouts getting killed) which gets her to a trial (just like eren in s1) and she gets to the corps but she's as rude as she was on the trial even when she sees levi then somehow levi manages to make up with her?? idk please do your magic

A/N: Ok so I didn’t intend for this to turn out how it did! It’s actually quite funny how the trial became some kind of Danganronpa/Phoenix Wright hybrid, but I hope I could capture what you wished for! Please enjoy it .◟(ˊᗨˋ)◞. 

and yes...the ending was planned to be that way ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Tags: Levi x reader ✅  SFW ✅  slight fluff ✅  minimal angst ✅

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

You idiot - Levi x reader

Humanity’s strongest soldier was quite the nostalgic type of person, despite his appearance. If someone claimed that he would like to stare out his office’s window and reminisce about the good old times in the underground, people wouldn’t have believed that. Yet here he was doing exactly that.

For him, it was perhaps the hardest and most lonely time in his entire life. Had it not been for Furlan, Isabelle, and you.

At first, it had been just the three of them, you joined their crew later on after witnessing a fight between them and some of your teammates. After separating and calming them down you proceeded with an introduction of yourself. 

(Y/N)...

You led the majority of the underground people and their respective crews almost like a mayor. Every shop and every inhabitant knew of your capable and fair way of handling confrontations or business in general. They knew, respected, and loved you, especially Levi.

At first, he was reluctant to be one of your many supporters so instead of relying on rumors, he decided to construct an image of you by himself based solely on his own impressions.  

That was perhaps the first time he came across gossip that turned out to be based on reality. You exceeded his expectations in more ways than one. 

Whatever you did or said had a great impact on Levi and even made him change some of his bad habits, abandoning his laid-back gangster lifestyle was one of his many changes.

And not soon after, the young man joined the survey corps - a decision he wasn’t so proud of, so he decided to keep it from you. Being able to leave the underground and be a part of that squad was something you had wished for since long ago, so he thought that this news would’ve scarred your friendship.

So after some months, he disappeared without telling you anything, leaving you behind confused, sad and a tad scared.

You asked yourself if you did anything wrong.

Did you upset him by any chance? 

Why would he leave without telling you anything?

You were friends...right?

Levi’s sudden disappearance left you with a sour and hurt feeling. You tried to come up with an excuse that should’ve erased at least some of your negative thoughts, but you failed...

The man frowned as he remembered the expression you wore the moment you first saw him again...in court.

Erwin had sent some of the scouts down to the underground to recruit more soldiers, some weeks ago. On that day Levi had to do some paperwork so he stayed behind in the headquarters. You, on the other hand, had to run some errands at the other end of the underground, so you ended up missing the survey corps.

The moment you came back the thing you were greeted with first was a pair of cold handcuffs around your wrists.

“You killed some of our scouts and hid them behind building XX...the exact same building you came out of some minutes ago.”

That was the accusation the police had thrown at you, based on the fact that your boots were stained with a few drops of blood and that you were the only person without an alibi for the time of the crime.

The majority of your followers supported you and knew that you’d never commit such a crime - especially not against the organization you wanted to be a member of - but much to your dismay, the military police were way more adamant than anyone would’ve given them credit for.

It was just a matter of time and the news had already reached the captain’s ears.

“There’s no way (Y/N) would do that…!”, he thought.

Of course, as Erwin’s right-hand man he had to be present during your trial and stand there, accusing the woman he had so much respect and love for…

Love…

Since when did he fall in love with you? What was the trigger and why did he never mention it to you?

So many questions and he still hasn’t managed to find a single answer to any of them.

He wanted to sort his feelings out before the trial so that you could return to the underground as the innocent woman that you were before the accusations of murder had stained your white vest. Unfortunately, the firm knock on his office’s door signalized him that the trial was about to start, alas there was no time for him to rearrange his thoughts.

———

The trial had barely begun and almost everybody was ready to vote you as guilty.

Firstly some of the guards had to literally drag you to the pillar in the middle of the room, some bystanders even had to help out in restraining your struggling figure.

When they tried to tie you to the column though, you managed to throw one of the several men onto the ground.

If that had not been enough to shift the jury’s opinion about you then fear not, since that wasn’t the end of it.

You insulted the police, stating just how incompetent they were for arresting you just because of your old and dirty shoes. You even went as far as to actually spit in front of you the moment the judge had commanded you to stop yelling and resisting.

“What is that idiot thinking?”

Looking at the way you mocked the entire courtroom kept Levi on his toes the entire time and luckily there was a person who knew why and was willing to help him out.

“Excuse me, judge, may I speak?”

The deep and raspy voice of the survey corps’ leader echoed throughout the entire room, silencing not only you but also the entire bench. It was the first time you looked to your left side and noticed the familiar face that had apparently one focus - namely you.

“L-Levi…?”, you whispered in disbelief. And even though no one heard your silent voice, he was aware that your immediate change in behavior was caused by him.

“Right captain Ackermann?”  

Erwin suddenly calling him in such a formal fashion was something the soldier would never get used to, but it was the wake-up call he needed right now. The black-haired man caught a glimpse of Hanji who was pointing at a thick stack of papers she held onto.

Evidence.

He cleared his throat and looked up at the elderly man who eagerly awaited what Levi had to say...

———

“(Y/N), hold up!”

“Stop following me Levi, I want to be alone right now!”

Ignoring your plea, the man took a hold of your wrist, causing you to freeze up and involuntarily oblige. You didn’t want to turn around and faze him, too afraid to show the happy and relieved face you were making.

The reason behind your good mood wasn’t because you were pronounced innocent, nor was it because your long-lived dream to join the survey corps had finally come true, no... 

Levi had saved you...and the way he did it, made your heart race.

“Your honor, I’d like to run this case by you one more time…”

“If I’m correct, then the military police arrested miss (L/N), because she had no alibi during the time of the crime, correct?”

“Did the officers take her statement about where she was because there have been some new findings concerning that…”

“There have been several people who saw her talk to XX during the time some of our scouts were murdered.”

“Furthermore...it has come to our attention that another person was seen with the victims just before they lost their lives.” 

“Oh and concerning the issue with her shoes...they’ve been this dirty since I’ve known her.”

“(Y/N)...look at me.”

You hesitated but after some time you once again gave in to his request.

“How long has it been since the two of us looked into each other’s eyes like that?”

“Since you left the underground...you jerk”, was your answer, and to make sure he understood that the insult was just a joke, you softly punched his upper arm.

The frown that contorted his features reminded you of what had happened just a few minutes ago.

Just a few minutes after the judge had agreed to pronounce you as innocent, the three main faces of the survey corps took you to their main office.

Erwin had then started a speech, talking about how they had found evidence that the real culprits behind the killings were actually aiming for you and whatnot. You didn’t or better you couldn’t listen to the man you once respected and dreamed to work for...at the moment the only person you gave your entire attention to was none other than Levi.

The two of you were looking at each other, your expressions perfectly recreating the inner turmoil that occupied both of your minds.

Guilt. Sadness. Worry. Anger.

Annoyance. Relief. Wonder. Countless questions.

It was evident that right now wasn’t the best time to tell you the reason you became part of the survey corps. 

It was not because of your skills, but because of the judge’s fear that you’d run rampage if the jury had voted for guilty. 

Unfortunately, Erwin wasn’t a man to sugarcoat the truth, so he straight out told you that it was all just a pretense and that right now you were under severe surveillance.

“I’m leaving.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not some of your reckless cadets that need surveillance 24/7, I’m a full-grown woman that can look out for herself and besides I think we all saw just how good your ‘surveillance’ was when your scouts were killed off down in the underground, didn’t we?”

“(Y/N), what are yo-“

“Shut up, you ungrateful prick. I’ve had my fill of jerk for today, so please refrain from talking to me and Sir Smith...I think we can agree that neither you nor I want to play babysitter so let’s all just take care of our own business without the whole ‘I’m the leader so I have to do this’ mentality, ok?”

After saying that you straight out left the room, not even bothering to close the door and that’s how Levi ended up following after you...which brings us to the present situation.

“Even after so many years, I see that you still haven’t changed that rude attitude of yours.”

Your eyes widened at his sudden retort and caused you to chuckle.

“Render me surprised...who would’ve thought that the adorable Levi Ackerman who used to look up to me would one day become so sassy.”

He should’ve at least cracked a smile at that, but he oddly didn’t and you had a hunch why.

“(Y/N)...I’d like to explain some things to you, so will you listen to me for a second?”

“Well it’s going to take more than just a second, isn’t it?”

The moment that question left your mouth, you instantly regretted it. 

In truth, all you wanted was to finally clear things up between you guys and luckily Levi appeared to desire that as well.

“I’m sorry that I disappeared without telling you, but I was afraid that the moment you found out about the offer I had gotten, it might hurt you since I-“

“Since you got the position I wanted before me?“

A reluctant nod followed instead of an answer and all you could respond to that was: “You idiot.”

After that, you couldn’t help but laugh at how pointless all of it had seemed and not soon after the man in front of you joined in.

Your laughing voices resonated around the silent and usually dull halls of the survey corps headquarters. 

Levi was laughing at himself and how stupid of him it was to assume your reaction beforehand, despite knowing full well that all you ever wanted was the absolute best for the people who were most important to you.

You were laughing at how immature your way of acting was towards the court, Erwin, and most importantly Levi. It was no secret that you felt bad for making him feel that way and it honestly surprised you at how much he had grown as a person since he’d left the underground. His growth had really surprised and impressed you at the same time, you even played with the thought of confessing to him right then and there, but then again...that might’ve been a little bit too much for your first ‘real’ conversation after so long.

Is now a good time...?

A pair of grey eyes looked at your laughing face as you slowly started walking away. 

If not now...then when?

His hands were sweaty and trembled ever so slightly causing his nervousness to go up on a higher level than it already had been.

It’s now or never!

“Levi? What’s wrong..?“

The man just realized that he had held onto your hand, stopping you from walking just like before.

“(Y/N)...”

Do it!

“...”  

[ashflynns]

☄〔 HUNTER SCHAFER, TWENTY ONE, TRANS FEMALE, DREAM TRAVEL 〕╰ ASHLEY FLYNN just came over half - blood hill . you know , the child of HYPNOS who was claimed two months ago ? i’ve heard chiron say that she is PLAYFUL & EMPATHETIC , but if you ask the aphrodite kids , they’d say she’s LAZY & TACTLESS . i’d say they remind me of sleepy smiles and under-eye bags, messy buns and an unmade bed, running from your problems with bare feet & trying to hard to keep your friends but losing them anyway, especially since she’s FOR THE NEW CABINS . ( ✎ joey , 24 , she/her , bst . )

*insert nice graphic here aka for the love of god someone find me a photoshop link*

hi! its your resident sea witch joey here ready to bombard you with an encyclopedic knowledge of the greek pantheon and uk criminal law?? i guess??? if u dont already know, i’m the one with six (6) cats. i combined my task and intro because im LAZY and bad at intros so i’ll use paige’s stats as a crutch whoops. ash is the lazy laid-back stoner friend everyone needs. she has no trauma because she DOESN’t DESERVE IT so maybe the real trauma will be the friends we make along the way.

𝕓𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤 .

name :  ashley finn

nicknames : ash, whatever cute names u wanna give her

birth date :  4th february (aquarius squad speak up!)

gender :  trans female

pronouns :  she/her

ethnicity : white

nationality : irish american

hometown : ?? idk american towns SUE ME but she’s from SOMEWHERE in oregon

demigod abilities : sleep manipulation, dream manipulation, dream travel

cabin number & godly parent :  cabin fifteen, hypnos

how did their godly parent meet their mortal parent? :  hlhglkhg so i thought it’d be funny if they met when ash’s mum participated in a sleep research study. i think i’m hilarious.

𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 .

faceclaim : hunter schafer

height :  5′11″

hair colour : blonde

eye colour : blue/green.

dominant hand : leftie!

distinguishing features : her hair’s actually super curly she just straightens it a lot bc curly bedhead is a bitch to brush through in the mornings.

dress style : ugh this is gonna be hard to explain but like. you know those alt hippy stoner girls?? like that. likes baggy clothes and neutral colours. a lot of quote unquote ugly clothes with clashing prints. band t-shirts and whatnot.

𝕔𝕒𝕞𝕡-𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 .

go - to  weapon : HAH implying she willingly participates in capture the flag. she’d go for a xiphos because it’s the most basic dfkjg

ambrosia :  garlic bread. yeah she’s that kind of bitch

favourite camp location :  zephyros creek!

their opinion of their godly parent :  really unbothered tbqh. but she’s a very laid-back person to begin with. a ton of her school friends had absent dads. if she hadn’t come to chb so early then maybe the whole ‘i have powers with no explanation’ would’ve caused some resentment but hey, he’s a god. he’s a busy man. and being raised by a single mum made up most of who ash is, so it’s not like she’d change anything.

age they were claimed :  this year baby!

how they were claimed :  look dad’s timing was off but as far as he was concerned he claimed ash when percy made the deal. ash kinda always knew it was gonna be him so it was no surprise.

stance on the new cabins : for  the  new  cabins.

their opinion on lyssa pentelute :   as far as ash is concerned, lyssa’s whole shtick is just an excuse to shit on the kids who don’t have to suffer the same way she did. so, uh, she’s kind of a bitch? i have this in a bit more detail down below.

quests :  i’m gonna tentatively put no for now (unless anyone else on quests decides they’d like to have dragged ash along!)

𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 .

positive traits : playful, empathetic, laid-back, friendly but not a pushover, patient

negative traits :  lazy, tactless, aloof,  spacey, struggles to express said empathy, lack of focus

mbti :  Iinfp-t, the mediator

alignment : neutral good

hogwarts house :  hufflepuff

kinsey scale : JUST ASK IF SHES A LESBIAN OKAY?? THE ANSWER IS YES.

archetype :  somehow she matched equally with the innocent child and the wise old man *insert so what is the truth meme*

what candle scent are they :  vanilla

goals & desires :  well this one was tricky bc ash is a simple girl with simple needs and really just doesn’t want anything to change. she wants a life without the pressures of work and commitment, but that’s just not gonna happen, is it? her short-term goals are to practice fighting that urge to stay in bed all day and try to be a bit more productive. it’s not going well.

fears : explained more below but basically she has a fear of destroying all her relationships due to a lack of connect with the world

hobbies : when she’s not napping? probably gaming, going on nature walks, baking treats.

habits :  biting nails is the worst one. spacing out. you know that thing where you just?? stop focusing your eyes?? but you’re still tuned in to the conversation? that.

𝕙𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 .

so hear’s the short version kfjglkdfgjd ( for NOW ):

ashley’s mum, niamh, is third-gen irish immigrant. ash didn’t have a luxurious life or anything. they mostly lived off benefits or whatever niamh could pick up from her extremely lucrative dog-walking business. how she met hypnos was a literal joke. they met when she participated in a fucking sleep study and i guess they hit it off. typical story of dad fucks off/single parent yadda yadda. there’s no real ~~trauma~~ to ash. yeah, transphobia sucks and high school really sucked all but her mum’s been super supportive since she first came out and no one at chb has given her shit yet. niamh’s still around and ash goes back home every couple of months to visit her. they have a pretty good relationship. it’s all cool.

i feel cliche saying she was a ‘dreamy’ girl but dreamy or spacey really is the best word for it. mixed with your typical demigod adhd you get a kid who really struggled with school. well, it’s not like she struggled - ashley’s a smart gal - but the teacher’s struggled with her. i guess it was hard for them to understand that ash actually does her best thinking when she’s asleep.

struggles to keep friends - maintains a persona of aloofness and apathy but actually cares way too much. the narcolepsy hinders her ability to form proper connections ( although she’ll argue the sCiEnTiFiCaLlY pRoVeN fAcT that napping with someone for half an hour does more to build trust than anything else ). and no one’s really that fond of ash popping into their dreams. maybe they shouldnt have so much to hide, huh?

her biggest ‘’’ inner struggle ’’’ shall we say is the pressure to be productive. let’s face it, she IS a lazy bitch, and that’s pretty much an inherited nature. getting a job sounds like hell, she sucks at combat training, she really could NOT be bothered with camp politics and god wars and whatever else. why can’t she just sleep and dream walk all day? monster’s are out there man, she’s gonna die some point soon anyway. but that doesn’t mean  she doesn’t feel guilty about it all. it’s kinda hard not to.

so, moving on to the ISSUE AT HAND. so when you walk through dreams and you sleep for 20 hours of the day, it’s not hard to figure out who your dad is, even if he never turns up. like, seriously, who else would it be? so yeah, sure. she was only claimed a couple of months ago. but she wasn’t completely in the dark like some of her other campers, and she respects that, truly. she got the luckier end of the stick and its not hard to understand the resentment among the minor demigods and the unclaimed.

HOWEVER, she’s very much FOR the new cabins. as explained above, lyssa’s a bitch whose taking her mummy issues out on others. ash loves bunking with the hermes kids but she’d like a space of her own and at the end of the day who the fuck is lyssa to make that decision?

𝕖𝕩𝕥𝕣𝕒 .

pinterest! (its a wip there’s not much IM SORRY)

spotify (now this is the one thing i will never let u down on)

wanted connections coming soon!

[alleycat97]

Sleepover

Pairing: Eliana x MC

Description: Tired of her mother and sister fighting, Aria needed a break from trying to hold the family tigether. Close to exhaustion and no place to go, she finds the one person who can make everything better, Eliana.

Disclaimer: Not my characters. Please enjoy!!

...

“I know you took it! If I find out you took it, I’ll be mad at you forever!” Alexis stomped out of the room angrier than ever.

Your mother tried to plead with her, only getting angrier with her youngest daughter, she already told her she didn’t take her cherished sweatshirt but Alexis wasn’t satisfied with that.

From the first day of this vacation, from the day of her fathers funeral, Alexis and yall’s mother have been going at each other, sometimes for the silliest of things. No matter how hard Aria tried to get them together and see the light, no matter her efforts to bring them together. Whether it be a spa day, making drinks by the pool or coming together at the annual clam bake, the victories were only temporary.

Aria would make ground on her sister and mother only to have another thorn burst her bubble and she would have to restart. You would think her explosion at the breakfast table would have knocked some sense into her family but it was looked over and here they were, arguing over a sweatshirt. This summer was hopeless and Aria was done trying to hold her life, her family, and her fathers legacy together.

“THATS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YALL’S CRAP!” Aria exploded, making her mother cover her mouth in shock and stopping Alexis in her tracks.

“No matter what I do, how hard I try to bring you two together, the worse off we are! Maybe we should just sell this stupid house! Maybe we should get out of this stupid town and never come back and never see each other again!”

“Aria...You don’t mean that.” Her mother tried.

“Oh? This family is a disaster because you two cannot get along! I’m tired of being the glue.”

“Where are you going?” Alexis asked.

“Its none of your business!” Aria yelled out slamming the door leaving her family members shocked.

Aria walked in frustration to wherever her feet took her, that just so happened to be a familiar cowboy bar downtown. It was late but a few patreons were there enjoying the music, drinks, and mechanical bull.

Aria slid onto a bar stool with her head slumped low. Then she slid up from behind the bar,

“Well hello to you.” Eliana greeted. “Aww why the long face?”

Aria let out a long sigh, “Its my mom and sister again. They’re fighting over Alexis’ lost sweatshirt.”

Eliana couldn’t help but giggle, she knew of Aria’s situation but the reasons kept getting sillier, “Well what’s so special about this sweatshirt.”

“It was my dads and he gave it to Alexis. She always wears it.” Aria explained.

Eliana didn’t need to figure out why it was special to the girl now. “So what happened?”

“Alexis came running downstairs freaking out over it. She couldn’t find it and automatically started blaming mom because mom told her it was time to get a new one.”

“So do you think your mom took it?” Eliana asked while she prepped some customers drink.

“Honestly? No. If anything mom probably took it to get patched up. Mom has tons of issues with dad being gone, so getting rid of his stuff is helping her get rid of her baggage. Hince the reason for selling the house. But she knows that shirt is special to Alexis, she would never.”

“So Alexis blew up at your mom and wouldn’t let her explain herself, you tried to intervene like usual but finally blew up for good?” Eliana asked wiping the bar down.

“Yes. And this time, idk. I’m so tired of trying to be the peacemaker. Dad would be so disappointed but I’ve done all I can do, I don’t K...know...why they can’t get along.” Aria tried fighting the tears but they overwhelmed her.

“Oh sweetie.” Eliana placed her hands in Aria’s and leaned over the bar. “I can’t say I fully understand your problem because I’ve never been there. Being the youngest of 3 older brothers and all. But one thing I know is that they are my family and no matter how much I may hate them at any given moment, I’ll always have their back.”

There was something magical about Eliana. It didn’t matter how awful she felt, or how bad her day was going, Aria knew the moment she saw the woman, her problems would go away. She was literally the most precious thing she had ever seen. From her talks about her turtles, to drawing doodles with her tongue sticking out, the woman was serious in everything she did and it was the cutest thing Aria had ever saw.

“Do you want something to drink? Maybe calm your nerves?” Eliana asked.

“No thank you. I should get going, I’m gonna go lay on the beach.” Aria said rising from her stool.

Eliana bit her lip in wonder, “Aria it’s 11pm! Just go home?”

“I’m not going home. For tonight anyway. I can stay on the beach, atleast it’s peaceful.”

Eliana cleared the register and stowed away the cash and quickly flipped the sign to ‘closed’ before ushering the straggling patreons out.

“Eliana what are you doing?” Aria quizzed.

“You’re coming home with me. It’ll be fun, like a old fashion sleepover.”

“But...but...can you do that?” Aria asked amazed.

“Well I just did. Come on so I can lock the door.”

Aria couldn’t contain her smile and excitement, Eliana grabbed her hand and they walked a few blocks to the woman’s apartment.

“Don’t laugh, it’s not much, but it does the job.” Eliana said pulling Aria through the threshold into her tiny apartment.

Aria looked around at the immaculate apartment, it was super cute with a beautiful view of the ocean. It wasnt large but for Eliana it was perfect.

“Are you hungry? I can fix you something if you would like?” Eliana asked trying to be a good host. Aria could tell that she was nervous.

“Oh no thank you. I’m fine. Come sit silly.” Aria said patting the couch.

Eliana did as asked and sat down beside Aria who gladly put her arm snuggly around the girl.

“Eliana relax. I can hear you thinking.” Aria said laughing at Eliana and her fidgeting.

“I’ve never actually had a sleepover before. I don’t know what to do.” Eliana let out. That was her greatest weakness and fear. Everything Eliana did had to be planned out thoroughly, she didn’t half ass anything and it had to be perfect.

“The Eliana Flores has never had a sleepover!?” Aria laughed out. Seeing the down look on her face, Aria stopped teasing and pulled her closer. “The best thing about a sleepover is there is no rules to go by. We make it up as we go.”

“Really? But I thought we had to gossip and do each other’s nails and talk about nonsense.” Eliana asked.

“Well yes. But we can do whatever you want to do. It’s your house, I’m just glad to be here with you.”

Eliana stretched her arms and let a yawn escape, “Sounds like someone is tired.” Aria laughed.

“I’ve been up for hours researching my turtle. I’m starting to get worried. It’s been weeks and I can’t locate her.” There was the passion Aria loved.

“Well how about we get some rest and I’ll help you search tomorrow, the least I can do for you taking me in.”

Eliana smiled, “Just as long as you talk to your family.” Aria had to agreed.

Eliana stepped into her bedroom and came out packing a pair of sweats, “Here Aria, these should fit you.”

Aria practically ripped them out of Eliana’s arms with excitement and stripped down baring it all for Eliana to see and hopped in her sweats wearing a huge smile.

Eliana stood in shock at the sight of a nearly naked Aria before she put her sweats on.

“Well? How do I look?” Aria said modeling the slightly baggy sweats, rapping her arms across her front hugging herself tightly.

“Oh. Um. You look. Yeah.” Eliana couldn’t put together a proper sentence earning a laugh from Aria. “So that’s means I look good?” Eliana nodded.

Aria sprawled out on the couch preparing to settle in when Eliana spoke up, “You can stay in my bed if you want. I can sleep on the couch.”

Aria got up and looked the woman over with a devilish smirk, “I got a better idea.” Aria grabbed Eliana and pulled her inside her room and hopped on the neatly made bed. “We will sleep together.”

“Oh” Eliana stuttered. “Ok, ju...just let me change.” Eliana grabbed her pjs and headed for the bathroom but was cutoff by Aria.

“No ma’am. Strip for me.”

Eliana’s jaw hit the floor. “You want me to strip?”

“It’s only fair Ellie, you saw my goods. I think the host should return the favor.”

Eliana nodded and slowly stepped out of her jeans and pulled her shirt off. Earning a satisfying moan from Aria. “Like what you see?” Eliana confidently spoke.

“Mmmmhm. I do I do I do.”

Eliana feeling confident finally pulled on her pajamas and Aria couldn’t help but laugh at the cuteness before her.

“What’s so funny?” Eliana inquired.

“Those pjs are the absolute cutest!” Aria squealed. It was just simple sleeping shorts and cami top covered in little sea turtles.

“If you hadn’t noticed I’m kind of obsessed with turtles.”

Aria pulled Eliana in bed and they quickly crawled under the covers. Eliana laid on her side like she normally did, and Aria slid up behind her, pulling herself firmly against Eliana and laid her arm securely over the woman.

“I know. That’s what I like most about you my little nerd.” Aria placed a kiss on Eliana’s cheek and the duo drifted off to sleep.

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

hey uhhh idk if you write this kind of thing, but i have an alcohol problem. in the past i’ve found your writing about depression really validating bc i’m a big Queen fan and it kind of... normalises my issues? idk, i just wondered if you’d ever write about alcoholism? maybe the band coming to terms with the fact that the affected member isn’t just a “party animal” and actually has an addiction, then getting them help? yh sorry if this is a weird ask 😅

Content Warning for Alcoholism/Alcohol Abuse

♚

John’s eyes fluttered open, the room still spinning, the bathroom lights looking like the spotlights on stage. His cheek was cold and flush against the rim of the toilet seat, his body hunched over it. He spit the foul taste from his mouth into the bowl, lifting his heavy head up, to look over at Roger who was standing by the door.

“At least you made it this time,” Roger said with a chuckle. John smiled at him, nodding slowly in agreement. Throwing up in anything but a toilet or trash can was a definite way to end a party and ruin the mood. And the both of them still had a lot more dancing and drinking to do.

Roger helped him up, John flushing the toilet before washing his hands and rinsing his mouth. The nausea was already fading. A good puke was all it took to get back in the game. It worked nearly every time.

Roger pat John’s back as they walked back out into the party, John intent on keeping up his antics. One instance of vomiting was not going to keep him from participating in this rager.

The music blasted, the bass rattling the windows of Freddie’s house. Colored lights spun all around the room, illuminating the party goers smiles and laughs. The dance floor, which was once Freddie’s living room was packed with hot bodies all pressed against each other, writhing and swinging to the beat that was almost too loud to be heard. Hands groped and pushed, feet shuffling. Heads were thrown back, liquid courage streaming into open mouths.

John lost Roger in the crowd, the blond probably craving another fix of the white stuff going around like candy. John needed his own fix, so he headed for the makeshift bar. One plastic cup, a dash of orange juice and a helping of vodka. His heart sped up as it slithered down his throat, nestling into his irritated and hot stomach. Immediately, the warmth spread through his core, his limbs beginning to feel like lead again, his mind beginning to fog.

He made himself another, forgoing the orange juice in favor of plain vodka. He let out a fiery sigh, now ready to join the others on the floor.

He floated over to a familiar puff of curly hair, a loopy smile on his face.

“Enjoying yourself, John?” Brian yelled over the music.

John began to sway side to side, the music dictating his every move. “Yes,” he said with a bubbly giggle.

Brian couldn’t hear him but figured he was. He continued on with his awkward dancing, his hands in the air, unknowingly moving away from John.

John didn’t care. He let himself get carried away by the funk, his knees bending, shoulders rolling, head bopping. He felt careless and free. He danced up women and men alike, accepting every drink that was pushed into his hands. He was rained with cigarettes and even found his way back to Roger, his nose red and white.

The room was ill-lit, but Roger’s eyes looked black, consumed by the pupil. “Want some?” he asked, holding up a plate. John held up his cup, graciously filled with brandy. He shimmied away, working his way over to Freddie, half naked and drenched in sweat from nonstop dancing.

John wrapped his arm around Freddie’s waist, startling the singer. Freddie playfully slapped John’s shoulder, saying, “You scared me! How’re you holding up, Deaks?” John just hummed the lyrics in response, too far gone to make any sensical words. Freddie found the answer sufficient, letting the two of them bop together to the music for a bit before scampering off to make out with Jim again.

John downed the last of his brandy, the world beginning to spin again. He laughed, unsteadily walking back to the bar for a refill. He could barely coordinate himself, but he got there in one piece. More vodka, his preferred vice. One swig, two swigs, three. A stranger, whooping and hollering, added more to his cup. He couldn’t say no. Down it went.

He unbuttoned his shirt, fumbling with the buttons. It was hot and he was roasting.

Everything became too woozy. He sipped more. The music sounded like blurs. The lights looked like smudges. He sipped. He felt nausea tickling the back of his throat. Another sip.

His conscience told him to stop.

Something deep in his heart told him to not listen.

Bottoms up.

He fell back onto his ass, his cup spilling all over him. He licked at his arms, trying to salvage what he could. And then he laid down.

He was 10 and on a merry go round, laying flat on the middle, being spun over and over, faster and faster by someone he didn’t know. Faster and faster until the sky white and he was soaring.

A torrent of vomit came out of John and all over himself. He rolled over and continued heaving and retching until he was pure again, the floor defiled with his filth.

I didn’t make it this time, Roger, he thought.

♚

“You went real hard last night, John. Just came to see if you woke up this morning,” Brian said as he hung his coat on the coat rack, walking into John’s house.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Got too excited is all,” John said, shuffling to the kitchen in his bathroom, trailed by the guitarist.

Brian chuckled, rubbing his neck. “I think we all did. Roger called me this morning, not knowing how he got home. I was the one who got him the bloody taxi!”

John snorted, walking up to his coffee machine. “He looked manic last night. His eyes were all wild. Sounds about right,” he said, pouring himself a cup, offering one to Brian who declined.

He rummaged through his medicine cabinet, pulling out some over the counter pain killers. This time, Brian accepted the offer.

“Even the virtuous Brian went hard last night, hmm?” John teased, popping 4 tablets into his mouth, swallowing it with the black coffee. Brian waved him off, taking his tablets with water.

“It was Fred’s birthday. Kinda hard to resist the devil when Freddie’s the one throwing the party.”

True that.

Brian sat by the kitchen table, sipping his water and wincing at the sunlight that poured through the window. He became so quite that in John’s hung-over brain, he forgot he was even there.

He poured himself some more coffee, throwing in a dash of sugar, a splash of creamer and a hearty glug of vodka from the flask he had in his robe pocket.

“John, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Brian said, making John jump in surprise.

“Jesus Christ. Sorry. Sorry. Bad habit,” he said softly, his face reddening as he dumped his concoction down the sink.

“Habit? You’re telling me you not only do this daily, in the morning none the less, but you walk around with a flask in your bloody dressing gown?” Brian asked incredulously, the tendons in his hands popping out.

John was faced away from Brian, holding onto the edge of the sink. He squeezed it tight, letting out a sharp puff of air. “I’m hung over. I- it was a mistake is all. Sorry.”

Brian wasn’t so sure about that but left anyways, his welcome clearly overstayed.

Once the door was closed, John ditched the coffee and cream, going straight to his flask.

He wondered if Brian would bring this up again.

♚

John felt a firm slap to the back of his head, flinching as he woke up, looking around for the perpetrator, wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth.

“Why’d you even come over if you didn’t want to help?” Roger asked, throwing an oil stained towel at John’s face. John was too slow to catch it. He set the towel down on Roger’s work bench, lazily getting up and toddling over to Roger who was crouched by an old car.

“Sorry. Tired, you know,” John offered, a weak excuse but the only one his hazy brain could make up.

Roger recoiled at his presence, nose scrunching up. “Jeez, John. Were you partying last night?”

John shook his head. He was home all night, watching TV.

“You fucking reek like a pub, mate. What’s up with that?” Roger said, his perfectly blue eyes looking him up and down.

John should’ve probably been scared from the interrogation, but he felt too loose in the joints to care.

“Oh. I had a few drinks,” He admitted easily.

“A few?” Roger spluttered out.

“Maybe more.” John shrugged.

Roger’s lips pressed into a tight line, taking in John. Dirty clothes, disheveled hair. Bloodshot eyes and a 5 o’clock shadow. He didn’t look put together.

Roger looked at the asphalt at his feet and then up to John’s eyes.

“You know...Brian told me he caught you putting vodka into your coffee one morning…is that true?” His head was tilted, eyebrows furrowed.

John thought for a moment. “Probably.”

Roger cleared his throat, not prepared for that answer.

“Are you drunk now?”

“A bit.”

“And you drove here?”

“Mh-hmm.”

Roger got up, dusting his jeans, his head shaking. They all knew John had an affinity for drinking. It was obvious during parties and after shows. The man liked a stiff drink. Who were they to think any worse of it?

But lately, John hadn’t been himself. Sloppier and lax. Always dozing off, always up in his head. They thought he was going through a down period. None of them would’ve guessed he was a functional drunk. Not until right now.

“You need help, John.” Roger said, his voice a mixture of confusion, fear and sternness.

John leaned back to look up at Roger, frowning. “What? No, I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m way passed that mate. You need help and I’m gonna get you it.”

John huffed, standing up, wobbling some. He walked past Roger, back into Roger’s house, saying, “I did not come here to be lectured. I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m going.”

There was a tight grip to his arm, tugging him backwards. He was now in front of a red-faced Roger.

“And I’m not letting you drive home,” he said, teeth grit.

“You don’t have any right to do that! Let me go, Roger. I’m fine! I’m fine! Let me go!” John hissed, struggling against Roger’s unwavering hold on him.

“Fine,” Roger said, his eyes big as he let John go. John crashed to the floor, his flask and keys flying out of his pocket. He scrambled to pick it up, but swiftly and with sober ease, Roger snatched both of them up. He walked away after that, without so much as a word to John.

“Where are you going?” John yelled, fighting a losing battle with gravity as he tried to get up.

“Gonna make some phone calls. Meet me in the kitchen whenever you can,” Roger replied with a bitter sting.

John gave up, laying down on the cold tile. He shivered, his stomach churning.

I didn’t make it this time, Roger.

♚

Dear John,

I’m terribly sorry I never noticed you were suffering. I should have been a better friend. I took you under my wing after all. I should have noticed.

I hope that here, you can begin to find peace again. I’m still not sure what’s ailing you, but when you get out, we can work on it together, alright? I need you to know that you’re not alone. That you aren’t bad. That you’ve done nothing wrong. The human condition can be treacherous at times. The need to numb it isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a sign of a fight to continue in any capacity possible.

I love you so much, Deacy. I can’t wait to see you again. I want to go shopping with you and maybe you can stay with me and Jim sometime, if you’d want.

Take care of yourself. Heal. Breathe.

Love, Freddie.

♚

John,

I apologize for my lack of initiative to figure things out. I’m sorry I chose my own comfort in ignoring this rather than reaching out. I promise I won’t ever do that again. You are one of my greatest friends. I’ll never do anything to jeopardize that. I need you here with me ‘till I’m old and grey and I’ll make sure that you never go through something like this again.

I pray that once you’re out, we can talk together and do some soul searching. I know what it’s like to be so down that only a substance feels like the right medication. I understand more than I’ve let on to you guys before. You can always come to me to talk. I guarantee you, I probably was there too at one point or another.

Until then, I hope this place does you well. A break from the stress of life is always a good thing. Don’t rush it. Take your time here. Let yourself unravel. Be truthful with the psychologists. Don’t be afraid to sound silly or obnoxious or rude. You won’t be any of those. The mind is a weird place. Let yourself be vulnerable.

I’ll be seeing you soon, Deacy. Keep your head up and you might just see the stars!

Bri.

♚

I’m so sorry.

RMT

♚

John sniffled, putting away the letters his best friends had written for him. He got out of his bed, walking towards the window. He leaned against the windowsill, the morning sun heating up his skin, lighting up his face.

This was the first day he felt completely detoxed. No shakes, no anxiety, no nausea. He finally felt free of the chain around his ankle. He could move better, think clearer, breathe deeper. He felt like this whole recovery thing might work. He might be a human again. No need for liquid crutches. Just a man. A free man.

He cracked open the window, sticking his head out to smell the spring air. His cheeks felt an invigorating cool breeze and not the frigid porcelain for once. A smile tugged at his lips, his hands running through his hair. He was ready for today.

He had group therapy in an hour. He had time to bang out some letters before then. He rushed to his desk, pulling out some pen and paper.

Rog,

Don’t be sorry. It should be me who’s sorry. Without you, without the other guys, I would’ve kept spiraling.

I wouldn’t have made it.

But I’m here and alive and I think I’ll soon start to thrive.

So, I want to thank you. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for still loving me as a brother even after I yelled and cursed at you. Thank you for taking my life into your own hands. I’ll never be able to repay you. But I’ll try.

I want to tell you about my time here. I don’t know, maybe you’d be interested.

Every morning, we wake up at 8. We get to….