#i was a little underwhelmed by the Scary though :( my father promised me that it would be Terrifying and even said that

[a-passing-storm]

I have been told that the Exorcist is a Scary, Scary movie (it was not) and my biggest takeaway was that that priest was pretty good looking!

[thefanboyhub]

Fuck life.

Like genuinely fuck this shit, it's terrifying being thrown into adult responsibilities just because you chose yourself over other people.

My mother has single handedly made my life much worse, all because I chose my dad over her, her abusive mother, her emotionally absent older son, my precious baby brother, and her step father (that they bully because he has dementia).

Now I'm forced to not only abandon my barely in existence childhood I have left, learn how to navigate life as an adult, take on responsibilities with little— if any— help from her or other adults, all while trying to make my mental state better or at least some resemblance of stability. It was all thrusted onto me in such a short amount of time.

My mother, who I've known was two-faced for ages but chose to live in blissful ignorance because mommy would never treat me like that, turned on me entirely. My precious little brother that I've protected and cared for, even being called mom by him behind everyone's back at one point, not hates me.

I can't tell if I'm getting better or getting worse in my metal state. There are so many good things happening for me, I have a partner that adores me as much as I adore him, my dad loves and supports me, even tho I have very few I still have friends, my cat, I'm slowly getting better at taking care of myself and doing chores. On the other side, I'm having more episodes of paranoia, anxiety, depression, anger, I'm terrified of life, of people, I hallucinate a bit more frequently, I'm incredibly unhealthy, struggling to eat and sleep and even breathe properly, I feel both stressed and numb and scared all at once, everything is both underwhelming and overwhelming.

It's frustrating. I'm trying so hard to be a good person and fix myself but it seems like I'm being tossed between being better and being worse. One day I'll be happy, motivated, pleased, proud of what I've done and how well I'm improving. The next day I'll be back in that rut of self loathing, anger, overstimulated, and bad habits. I'm going between seeking new things and seeking for nostalgia. I'm in a fucking limbo, stuck between wanting to cling to the barely exiting childhood and needing to grow up even faster and more just to survive the world.

I'm scared. I'm so scared. I just wanted to keep myself safe, protect myself for once. It was the right choice, but it's so scary. It's so painful to have someone who's supposed to protect me and guide me, who failed once already and promised to never fail again, just to fail again— but this time intentionally. For years I held resentment back and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, she was a single mom struggling to support her kids, all of them who've been traumatized in some way. A women who has been though things and has seen struggles. I pretended to ignore how two-faced she was, how she would lie about the smallest things, even ignoring how she never really did try to protect me from her mother. I pretend to ignore. I always remembered. It build up, but I denied it. I denied the truth that fueled my anger and resentment and hurt. I wanted to believe that mommy wouldn't do that, mommy is mommy. Mommy is my world. Mommy protected me.

She didn't. It hurts to think it, type it, say it. But she never did. Things she would say to me about my trauma was always in some way about her.

According to her, my biological father only molested and raped me as a 7 year old because he was obsessed with her and I was the closest thing to her he could have. That makes no sense considering the words he said to me, that no matter how hard I try I will never forget, "If you tell anyone I'll kill your mom and brothers and kidnap you away. We don't want that right?"

According to her, my biological father raped her and that's why I exist. So why did you let him around me? Why didn't you tell him to fuck off and kill himself when he showed up again? Why didn't you protect me from the start?

When I was begging, going as far as trying to kill myself as a cry for help, for her to get me away from her mother, my grandmother. All the hours I would sit by the garage door and listen to them argue, never once said how I did nothing wrong or how I'm a her child and to leave me alone. No. She would defend herself, "There is nothing wrong with how I raised my child." Why didn't you get me out of there the moment I wrote in my second suicide note that I was killing myself because of your mother? Why did you yell at me for it? Telling me I was forcing you to choose when I was just a child?

When I came out as trans, she ignored it. When I confronted her she got into a yelling match about how I don't know what I was talking about, that I know nothing, that I'm just going through a phase and how I need to get my head out of my ass. Somehow you turned the argument in a direction of privacy. When I yelled at you that I deserve to be treated fairly, that I should have to be forced to live in the loft with not walls or doors, forced to show you my journals, forced to let you go through my stuff— including my trash and clothes. When I yelled— no— begged for you to let me have a sliver of privacy and human decency, you responded by screaming at me. You screamed that "you are my fucking child" and that "you will get privacy and respect the day I die".

The first time we were kicked out by my grandmother you took us kids into your room, lecturing us about how we're being kicked out, why, and how it's our fault. You looked me in the eye, making it clear that this message was for me, and said, "I hope you're fucking happy. You got what you wanted. You forced me to choose."

The third time we were kicked out by her because she decided to fabricate a story about how I was talking about how I was going to kill her and how much I despise her. All I was doing was cleaning my bathroom while talking to myself about how I needed to work on my emotional regulation. She told you that lie and you came upstairs and instead of asking me if it was true you turned to screaming at me, asking me if I thought it was funny and if I was genuinely deranged. Then when things didn't resolve this time you came back upstairs after getting into a shouting match with her, you said it again. "Are you happy? You got what you wanted." I was up on my room that entire argument, my only thought was " I'm the problem. I should just kill myself. I can't cause any issues if I'm gone. Maybe then they'll get along." And I almost did. I was in my balcony, ready to drop. But kids came outside so I didn't do it.

When I came clean about it to the school because I was scared and I didn't know what else to do, you were mean to me. I can't remember what you said but whatever it was I can still feel the gut wrenching guilt, self hatred, and fear. Whatever you said was cold and harsh, making me wish I jumped even more.

When I was essentially assaulted by my current boyfriend at the time I texted you what happened and you fucking replied with, "Boys will be boys" and "Men think with their dicks". I was praying that you would comfort me and tell him to leave and reassure me that I was right to be scared and hurt. But no. You didn't even care. You just told me that stuff like this happens and that it's just what men do.

The day after I told you I wasn't leaving with you, that I was staying with my dad, you said I blind sighted you, attacked you. You tried to twist my words, using my little brother as well. I was so angry. So fucking angry. I am a lot of horrible things, but I am no liar. I hate liars. I hate that you made me a liar at one point. And you lied to me, trying to twist what I said. I sat there at that table while you lectured me about how awful I treated you, how I betrayed you. All I wanted to do was tell you to leave my home. But I didn't. Then you came back and cried in my arms. I felt nothing. Until my brother didn't even look or talk to me. That. That broke me.

The one person I loved more than anything, the one person I sacrificed everything for. The person I protected, letting myself go through sexual and physical abuse and then later mental abuse, now hated me. Because of you.

You were so angry that I reasonably chose to stay with my dad instead of going back to that home where I was kicked out for a lie, for words I did not say, by a women who has proven time and time again to hate me. You were so mad and hurt by this that you took away my purpose to live, the one reason I haven't killed myself. Then you left me completely helpless, shoving all these responsibilities, once again ripping my childhood, or what little that exists, away from me.

You turned on your own child, the one you hurt most. The one that was the most affected by your actions. You are no mother. You are no mom. You have ruined me. I am broken and unfixable because of you. As much as it hurts to say this, I hate you. You doomed me. I'm sorry.

[chierafied]

Chie! Could you possibly do a sequel to the yakuza one shot you wrote for SessKag? That would be super awesome if you could!

Thank you for the prompt sweet Anon! 💙

It’s very rare for me to feel like I could continue a one shot after I’ve finished it, but the Yakuza fic was one of those. Ofc I never got around to it before this prompt... And maybe that’s for the best?

When I started writing this continuation I realised some issues I had with this scenario that would have made expanding this into a longer (romantic) fic problematic…

Anyway, all rambling aside, for reasons this is a platonic SessKag fic. 

Underwhelmed (a sequel for Entangled)

Kagome had thought her life would change irrevocably.

She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, exactly – that she would suddenly be adopted by the criminal syndicate and become some kind of a yakuza princess, like the ones you saw in manga.

Or to have a group of big burly bodyguards following her around.

Or – because he’d told her “I will take care of you” and promised to be in touch – to have the scary but intriguing Sesshoumaru Taishou personally guaranteeing her safety…

But life was not a manga plotline.

The decision to accept the yakuza gang’s offer of protection – one which she had believed to be so monumental that she’d needed several days to think it over – changed very little in the end.

She still continued to attend school as normal. There were no thugs lying in wait to threaten her with violence. There was no influx of criminals in her life. There was no sign of Sesshoumaru Taishou, either.

Really, the only thing that was different now that she’d agreed to be protected by gangsters was Jaken.

Presumably, he’d been tasked with guarding her. He tended to appear wherever Kagome went and follow her at a discreet distance. And he had claimed to have been sent by Mr Taishou when he’d first – and very briefly – introduced himself.

Having Jaken around didn’t make Kagome feel particularly safe.

He was an old, bald man scarcely taller than Kagome was and a little overweight. He walked with a waddle and enjoyed grumbling under his breath.

Although there had no longer been any incidents with her father’s rivals, Kagome still worried. And Kagome might as well be followed by her grandfather than Jaken, for all the security he’d be able to provide.

She supposed she could have dug out the business card and contacted Mr Taishou, but she didn’t want to bother him. Surely Mr Taishou had his hands full with… whatever illegal dealings yakuza bosses usually had.

So Kagome turned instead to her friend Sango. 

Kagome arrived at Sango’s house and found Sango in the dojo that her family owned, wearing her white gi.

“Kagome!” Sango greeted her with a warm smile. “How are you?”

“I’d like to learn martial arts,” Kagome blurted.

Sango’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes. If it’s not too much of a trouble, I mean,” Kagome amended.

Sango shook her head. “It’s no trouble at all! You’ve just never, well… Seemed interested in martial arts?”

Kagome blushed. Her little brother Souta had been taking karate lessons at Sango's family's dojo, but she'd never bothered, though Sango had offered to teach her in the past. 

“I wasn’t, before. It’s just now that…”

“Now that what?” Sango prompted.

Kagome bit her lip and stayed silent. She hadn’t told anyone – except her mother – about that confrontation with those violent thugs or about meeting Mr Taishou.

Sango crossed her arms. “Kagome? Is everything all right?”

What could she possibly say to that? Kagome offered a feeble shrug.

Sango scowled at her.

“Whatever it is, you need to tell me. Right now.”

Kagome’s anxious gaze skittered around the empty dojo. She pulled Sango with her into a corner, trying to find what privacy she could.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone,” Kagome told her in an urgent whisper.

Sango’s eyebrow rose. “Of course I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

“Promise me, Sango.”

“I’m getting worried now,” Sango huffed. “Fine, I promise.”

Kagome’s breath left her in a relieved sigh. “Okay. A couple of weeks ago, I was walking home from school after supplementary maths…” Kagome grimaced. “And there was this group of guys near the shrine steps. Big and scary guys. Real ruffians. They asked if I was Higurashi and before I knew it they’d circled all around me. One of them grabbed my arm so hard it hurt so I couldn’t run away.”

Sango gaped at her, horror and outrage glinting in her eyes. “What the hell?”

“So this guy comes and barrels in,” Kagome continued, “hits the thug holding me hard enough so he loses his grip. I run and this guy’s now beating up the whole group. Then he comes and grabs my arm and pulls me away. He seems really scary from up close, like a proper criminal; tattoos on his face kinda criminal.”

Kagome paused.

Sango was struck speechless.

“So this guy, he tells me there is some kind of a feud going on with his gang and a rival yakuza gang because the rivals had just killed his boss. And that I was in the crossfire – and my family too – because his boss was my dad.”

Sango’s eyes bugged. “But that’s – No way! Your father died when you were a kid right?”

“That’s what my mom had always told me,” Kagome said, hugging herself. That particular wound still felt raw. “But apparently that was just so we wouldn’t have to have anything to do with the yakuza.”

Sango started to speak but stopped before a single fully formed word made it out of her mouth. She had to visibly collect herself.

“So… basically, your dad’s a yakuza boss and died recently and his rival gang wants to get to your family?” Sango summarised after a while.

“Yeah. And I asked protection from the guy who saved me so now this gangster from my father’s gang follows me around but he seems pretty useless and I don’t know when the bad guys will come back…” Kagome laughed a little. “Not that there are really any good guys here anyway.”

“You’re a good guy,” Sango told her and patted her shoulder. “Let’s go grab a spare gi from my room and get you changed. The sooner we start, the better.”

Warmth flooded Kagome’s chest. She felt lighter already after telling the whole crazy tale to someone. And the gratitude of how Sango had taken it all in a stride and immediately agreed to help made her heart soar.

 Mr Taishou did keep his promise and was eventually in touch.

It was on a Thursday evening and Kagome was already in bed, leafing through a textbook and hoping it would make her sufficiently sleepy so she could call it a night.

The ringing of her cell phone startled her so badly she actually jumped and dropped the textbook. Unease slithered in her belly – who could possibly be calling her so late and why?

But as soon as she picked up her phone and heard the greeting in that deep, easily recognisable voice, she calmed down.

“Hello, Miss Higurashi.”

“Hi, Mr Taishou.”

“I hope you have been well.”

“Yeah, I have. Thanks.”

Kagome was about to return the pleasantry and ask how Mr Taishou was doing, but then swallowed the words. Though a part of her was morbidly curious as to what exactly the life of a yakuza boss entailed, a bigger part really didn’t want to know.

“I have received regular reports from Jaken,” Mr Taishou continued. “He’s told me there have been no more altercations.”

“Mmh,” Kagome hummed in affirmation. “It’s been really quiet.”

“I’m glad. In this case, the more uneventful things are, the better.”

“That’s true, “ Kagome agreed.

“I still wanted to check on you, though. Hear how you’re doing.”

Kagome realised she was smiling.

It was odd, that this man who she barely knew and who by all accounts was a hardened criminal, could make her feel so safe.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. I mean, you must be busy and all,” she finished lamely.

“Even when busy, there are some things one needs to make the time for,” Mr Taishou said.

The implication that Kagome was someone to make the time for was incredibly flattering.

Yet, the wise words touched a chord in her, one attached to a sore spot in her heart.

Yearning flooded her without a warning, made tears prick in the corners of Kagome’s eyes. For a moment she teetered between fear and longing.

Then, she steeled herself and took the plunge.

“Mr Taishou, could you possibly make enough time at some point to meet up?”

A stretching silence met her tentative question.

Then, after a while, he reluctantly replied. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Miss Higurashi.”

Kagome tried to swallow past the lump lodged in her throat.

“Please. I would like to know more about my father.”

The silence again was long – but this time it also seemed a little gentler.

“Very well, if that’s what you wish.”

“Thank you, Mr Taishou,” Kagome said, her voice quivering with gratitude.

“It’s very late,” Mr Taishou replied tonelessly, as if he’d only know noticed the time. “You should go to sleep, Miss Higurashi.”

“I will. Thanks again!”

“Goodbye.”

The line went dead.

Kagome put her phone aside and snuggled under her blankets, but it took her a long time before she finally slipped softly and peacefully into sleep.

To be continued??

[halflingkima]

Since it’s over, I suppose I’m due for an update. Here’s all I managed for the Clear Your Shit Readathon. While I didn’t complete it, I still cleared a bit of my bookshelf, and I’m glad for that. Full reviews, if I wrote them, are linked in the ratings.

Quest One: Shortest Book

The Trouble With Lemons by Daniel Hayes (★★) | A mid-grade contemporary (of the 90s) in which a boy who considers himself a broken-down lemon finds a dead body. A good read but not for me.

Quest Nineteen: Earliest Published

Pedro Páramo by Juan Rulfo, trns. Lysander Kemp (DNF) | A man travels to his deceased mother’s hometown to find his father and discovers the towns’ [literal] ghosts. Though this had potential, this may not be the right translation to start with.

Quest Two: On TBR Longest

Once Upon a Marigold by Jean Ferris (★★★) | A mid-grade fantasy narrating a new fairytale. A lovely, fun, funny little tale.

Quest Three: About a Group

The Truth Is by NoNiequa Ramos (★★★★★) | A story about queer teens navigating themselves, each other, and this very messed up world. A beautiful story beautifully written. (Technically a cop-out for the challenge, since it was a library pull.)

Quest Four: About an Animal

The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (DNF) | A mid-grade classic and sort of survival story in which a boy adopts a young dear and must keep it - along with his family - alive. By god, old timey animal stories are absolutely NOT for me.

Quest Six: Scary Story

The Infinite by Douglas Clegg (DNF) | A third installment (apparently) about the haunted Harrow House. Nothing wrong with it per se, I just didn’t wanna suffer through what would probably yet again be a one-star for me.

Quest Eight: A Fantasy

The Thief and the Beanstalk by PW Catanese (★) | A mid-grade sequel to Jack and the Beanstalk. Didn’t feel like it added anything to the original.

Quest Five: Intimidating Book

The Argonauts by Melissa Nelson (★★★★) | An “autotheory” poetic memoir about navigating queerness in/of/around/within family. Dipped a lil heavily into theory at points, but the writing was lovely.

Quest Nine: Most Expensive

Promises to Keep by Jane Green (★) | A chick-lit/light contemporary about family and the transience of life. Not unpleasant but wholly underwhelming.

Quest Fifteen: A Book I Forgot About

The Tale of Billy Turner & Other Stories by Rob Kidd (★★) | An early-mid-grade novella about how Billy Turner (of PotC) became a pirate, and a couple other tales of the young Jack Sparrow. It’s just... so young.

Quest Seven: Free Choice

Crispin: The Cross of Lead by Avi (★) | A historical fiction about a persecuted orphan in medieval England. It’s the set-up for a series, so nothing much happened.

Quest Twenty: A Library Hold

Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyemi (★★★★★) | The tales of a mother’s childhood in the (semi?)-fictional country Dhruhástrana and a daughter unconventionally coming of age. A bit of a cheat bc I first listened to the audiobook and my hold for the ebook didn’t come in until after the challenge ended so I’m still reading it and I’m counting the two reads at once, but it’s definitely a five-star for me

[keepersreprise]

“ANNABELLE” REVIEW

31 Days of Tarot Halloween - Day 3

Card: XIII Union

For Day Three of my horror/thriller movie marathon, I decided on a film that I had never seen, but had heard quite a bit about. I in fact, incidentally procured a movie poster of it several years ago, after being locked out of the theater, and let back in by an attendant (who gave me the poster). So I felt obligated to add this one to my list.

…and I regret it.

When Annabelle was first announced to an eager audience that had visions of a modern day Child’s Play, I was as excited as I was apprehensive.

And, as it turns out, for good reason.

Child’s Play this movie is most certainly not. It lacks the grittiness and dark atmosphere that the posters and trailers promised us. The movie receives some merit for being based off a legend of a doll of the same name, that is currently sealed behind a glass box at the Warrens Occult Museum in Monroe, Connecticut; owned by demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren.

The doll came into the possession of a nurse in the 70s, who felt malicious intent seeping from it like a festering wound. A psychic proclaimed it was possessed by a woman named Annabelle Higgins. Of course, this has been met with much skepticism for the popularized possessed doll trope. Which I think possibly stems from the strange, almost haunting appearance of antique porcelain dolls.

The film is a prequel to the Conjuring series, which I was unaware of (despite the movie cover smacking me in the face with it). It was produced by Peter Safran, directed by John R. Leonetti (I’m sure these names mean something to someone), and distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.

OVERVIEW

Annabelle begins as most horror flicks do (disappointingly un-Child’s Play like) with a peaceful introduction to the characters. It opens with a married couple sitting in a church, listening to the priest’s sermon. Now admittedly, I should have known that this movie would follow the same hard-beaten path of possession-based movies that is their foundation.

Doll is possessed, the Devil is involved, there’s something creepy and evil lurking about, a priest gets involved but the priest fails, and people die before everyone is saved.

Till the next time of course.

It’s a very standard formula this film sticks to like a fly in a honey trap. And that’s fine. That’s not the major problem I have with Annabelle.

My major problem was that it brought nothing new to the table. And I could never figure out where the Rated R scenes were located. Was I too distracted by the sunny smiles of John and Mia Form’s (Ward Horton and Annabelle Wallis; I’m not making that up. The main character is played by an actress named Annabelle) perfect little lives and ideal, gouge-out-your-heart marriage?

Till that is, their home is broken into by their neighbors’ missing daughter, and she and her “estranged” boyfriend attempt to murder the Forms. The girl - one Annabelle Higgins - commits suicide while holding Mia’s doll, in a most cliche ritualistic fashion.

Naturally traumatized after having been stabbed and almost losing her baby, Mia attempts to rid herself of the doll. But after an incident at their home and the couple move, with newborn baby Leah in tow, the doll reappears amongst their things.

Mia’s decision to keep the doll and face her fears (note I say face, not overcome) is just one of the many flimsy ways that Annabelle tries to sideline the cheap plastic box of tropes this disc came in, while still being pressed right up against it.

THEMES

POSSESSION

I feel obligated to talk about the central theme of the movie first, since it’s most definitely what captured everyone’s intention.

Now, the possessed doll trope is a familiar one. Which isn’t bad. In fact, it’s good. It gives us watchers something to relate to, to get excited for, to compare to. And then…that’s where you run into problems.

Comparison.

I grew up with the Chucky franchise (which admittedly, most of the later ones are pretty bad; looking at you Seed of Chucky), and I’ve seen Dead Silence (which in my opinion, didn’t get enough praise as it should have). And I’ve watched plenty of devil or demon or ghost possessed movies, and so for so popular a movie, I had high expectations for Annabelle. Too high.

The possession element is pretty mundane. The ghost of the mysterious girl Annabelle Higgins haunts both the doll and our too-happy family; subtly at first, and then more forcefully as the film progresses.

The doll moves, doors open and close, furniture is knocked around, people are hurt. Honestly, I don’t have much to say about any of this. If you’ve seen any other possession-based movie than you’ve seen Annabelle.

CULT

What’s a possession movie without the aspect of the Devil and demons for a God-worshipping couple to face?

When I heard a news report of the Manson Family in the background at the film’s start, I thought: “Yeah, okay, it’s been done, but let’s see how they handle it.”

Well, film writer Gary Dauberman (who doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page of his own), didn’t handle it. Not really. We hear a tidbit of the news report, we are told Annabelle Higgins and her boyfriend were members of a cult, but all references to Charles Manson end there. They’re not involved.

Even why or how Annabelle Higgins came to possess the doll isn’t touched upon. There was a small ritual that summoned some weird creature that only appears twice in the film. In reality, the threat isn’t this Devil or demon, it’s Annabelle.

I will give praise where praise is do. Those brief flashes of Annabelle are a nice touch. Not scary, but ominous. The moment when she appears to Mia as a child, then grows into an adult as she attacks her, was intriguing. I can only wish that the ghost of Annabelle could do more. Tease Mia, play upon her motherly instincts, chide her, beguile her, just oh my god, something!

But there’s no depth here. We never learn how Annabelle joined the cult (or even if she was a part of the Manson Family for sure), or what her motives were. Why she murdered her family.

Yep, pretty soon the movie Annabelle is just going to be the ghost of a memory itself.

WHAT IT PROMISES, BUT NEVER DELIVERS

I feel like this deserved to have a category as a theme, because this movie does this quite a bit. A good example is the one I stated above. The mention of the Manson Family and a cult’s devious intentions are never expanded upon.

And it’s not only these two aspects. One of my biggest gripes was the revelation that it was Mia’s soul promised to this Devil/demon (which just looked like a slightly malformed, burned man), and yet I don’t recall a point in the movie this happened.

When its first thought to be the baby Leah’s soul promised, I concluded that the father John must be involved with the cult. Throughout the movie he always seemed a little…off. His smiles a bit too thin, his eyes a bit too bright, even as he’s trying to assure his wife that they can beat this possessed doll. It was awkward. Weird. Suspenseful.

But it wasn’t meant to be. John Form really is the sickeningly understanding, hard-working guy we’re presented with. Nothing nefarious about him. How truly disappointing.

Now let’s talk about the Devil/demon that briefly chases Mia. We see it in two scenes. Two very brief scenes. When she’s in the basement and it lures her with a moving baby carriage, then chases her up the stairs. And then when it’s climbing on her ceiling, and thrusts do-good Evelyn out of the apartment.

And then…it disappears. Our secondary antagonist is nothing but a bully that pushes little kids around on the playground, before getting bored.

The last thing I will discuss in this section (before actually moving on to the theme I’m really supposed to be detailing) is the horror aspect. Possibly the only part I would consider that makes this movie Rated R is when Annabelle and BF (or the Better Forgotten as I’ve dubbed him) attack John and Mia in their home. There’s a little blood, a little violence, and that’s. Really. It.

No mutilated bodies. No nudity. Hell, the scene isn’t even really interesting till we see Annabelle’s blood seeping into the doll’s eye socket. And that’s still rather meh.

“UNION"

Okay at last! I can discuss something positive in this movie!

(And if you truly believed that, you haven’t been entirely paying attention)

There are many examples of Union in Annabelle. Foremost, is the united strength of John and Mia’s love in the face of this new threat to their very ordinary lives. And as can be expected - of course - John is an unbeliever at the beginning (that heathen!). But faced with a hysterical wife and underwhelming evidence (he never really sees anything peculiar himself till the end), he stands vigilant in the face of Annabelle’s ghost. It is through the power of their marriage and the strength of their love…!

Aaaannndddd…I just can’t do this.

While John and Mia’s marriage is a central focal point of the movie, and it is in fact their love that gives them strength to oppose the evil forces working against them, it frankly sickens me. It is the same tale told again, made somewhat eerie by John’s dismissive personality.

Instead I’ll talk about the most obvious case of Union in the film, which is that of Annabelle’s soul and the doll.

I really do wish that the movie had expanded upon this more. Told or - better yet - shown, how Annabelle Higgins knew the ritual necessary for this. Though I suppose that’s what Annabelle: Creation is about (yes…?…please…?). The doll - which was already eerie to begin with - takes on a more sinister appearance as the film progresses.

The skin turns more grey, the blush in its cheeks more pronounced, the smile thinner and more malevolent, the eyes more frightening. We never really see the doll move, not even it’s eyes, which makes it somehow creepier than if we had. While in a way I wish the movie had given a reason for this transformation, I think we’re better off without it.

The last aspect of Union I want to discuss, is that of mother and child. The bond of love that is undeniable.

This connection is very paramount in the movie. It’s Sharon’s Higgins’ daughter that returns home and commits suicide in anticlimactic ritualistic fashion. It’s Mia and her unborn child that the watchers are most concerned for. It’s the memory of her daughter that drives Evelyn to commit suicide in order to save the Form family.

In the start of the film, John worries about what an unborn Leah is exposed to, convinced the outside does in fact, have an effect on his baby. He wants her to come born innocent and carefree. And Mia chooses to uproot her life in thought of her daughter, and to keep the doll (in a moment of eerie behavior I really mistakenly thought was leading somewhere) as a reminder that they must face their fears head on.

There are difficulties, of course. Mia seems detached from her child at times. When Priest Ferez asks for a picture of Leah to welcome the newest member to their church, Mia doesn’t want to be a part of the photo. The priest convinces her, but she remains reluctant.

The why of this is never clearly stated. During an argument with his wife, John suggests she is suffering postpartum depression. An accusation that Mia quickly denies.

And yet there are signs of it. Mia is depressed, craves adult conversation, and yet rarely seeks it. Instead she at one point turns her attention to two children living in the building. At times, when she holds her baby, it is almost as if she is holding a doll (which I wish they had played upon this more).

Yet when Mia fears the summoned creature is after her baby, that almost casual dismissiveness disappears, and we see the true depth of the bond that is between a mother and child.

Mia is completely prepared to leap to her death, to give up her soul, to save her child. And she even does it. But her husband grabs her and tries to reason with her.

And then the watcher sees the revelation that comes over friend Evelyn’s face. She who had lost her daughter Ruby in a car accident. Ruby, who had visited her mother in a dream, saying there was something yet Evelyn had to do.

And with the heart-shaped locket holding the baby picture of Ruby in her hand, she leaps.

To me, Annabelle was less a horror movie, and more so the tale of a conflicted mother and wife, confronted with the diabolical and the unknown. A woman, who has led a happy and ordinary life, is now faced with the most difficult of situations.

The murder of friends, the assault on herself and unborn baby, the deterioration of her marriage, the challenge to her faith, and the test of her love for her child. For the promise of a life greater than her own.

[furederiko]

We'll be heralding the arrival of the Space Rebellions tomorrow morning. But before we do that, here's a quick review of Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger as whole...

Yeah, this was supposed to go up not long after the final episode's weekly review, but well... I got a little sidetracked by my health *sigh*. It's basically under the weather (which has been unexplainably REALLY cold recently), that's why it took me a while to finish one. Don't worry though, because this post will be brief. Okay it's not.... Ahahaha. XD

Let's just get one thing out of the way: Zyuohger is just another good example, of the flaws of a long running show. The downside of having a whole-year worth of air time. The need to explore stories in around 50 episodes is indeed a challenge on its own. And frankly, I don't think the writers of this show succeeded in their task. There were great stories that focused on wonderful morale messages, but there were also episodes that felt like merely repeating the annual tropes, and even went below average standards. To put it simple, it's an uneven show. The beginning of the episode wasn't as memorable and a little on-the-nose. Which was the reason why I only gave it a 7,2. That's a stark difference to the 8,4 score of the finale. But the contrast also proved something! The show gradually built itself to become something interesting. Offering a vast amount of potentials, especially due to the cultural, and racial differences of its members. The main reason why I've decided to continue watching, despite my initial reluctance.

It's quite unfortunate, that this positive progression began to falter again halfway through. I believe this show lost its momentum when the writers decided to axe Bunglay, who was easily the most interesting and challenging antagonist the show had. If it's up to me, I think this character should've stayed to the end. I've said that I appreciate the surprise they wrote to Dethgaliens Master Genis in the end, but in many ways, Bunglay was indeed a much worthy and better 'scumbag' than Genis to be called a final boss. His obsession to Yamato Kazakiri would've worked better to explore our Red's damaged relationship with his father. Not to mention, his quest for Cube Whale, could've been linked nicely to the reveal of Immortal Azald. Instead, the show ditched him, and went even south when they gave Kubar a demise that was too early and underwhelming. Yes, the cunning and treachearous antagonist who initially rose up to be an excellent replacement to Bunglay. A villain that hid his own agenda, and never hesitated to use sleazy tricks to meet his goal, wo went off in a very unceremonious way. Thus all the build-ups, those numerous episodes spent to explore him, suddenly became pointless. No matter how praiseworthy her devotion for Genis, Naria suffered from weak writing as well. She's a character who showed promise, the potential to be deliver the 'surprise' that audience needed. But the show just treated her poorly and made her a one dimensional blank character instead. As for why Genis failed as a strong big boss? That's due to the show's habit to tell, and not show. Many times we only heard how scary Genis was, particularly from the Team Players. But it wasn't until the finale that we saw first hand how evil he could be. Something that should've been done much early on, and even better, throughout the whole run. Yeah, I get that everything was meant to lead to that big surprise in the end. But at least, audience needed actual proof that he's a sinister being instead of the overly optimistic boss depicted all the time.

The core storyline about connection between people, particularly those who are different, was admirable. It touched upon issues of discrimination, equality, and many sensitive ones that resonated strongly to the real life current condition of the world. I also appreciated how pieces of the puzzle that were seeded from very early on, became connected, and (mostly) paid off in the third arc. Problem is, even if it's a strong and delicate one, this main plot was considerably thin. And worse, the show loved to drag audience from one plot point to another, without utilizing it to explore minor subplots. The result? The Zyumans practically didn't have any significant character developments. At least, not that I could remember. This mirrored the similar negative trait of "Shuriken Sentai Ninninger", because the writings never fully explored these character's potentials. Which was too bad, since each one of them were completely different races that easily shouted 'blank canvas'. Each species could've played out more distinctly with one another, and that weren't even touched. In general, their presence felt like nothing but supporting characters for Yamato, because from start to finish, they remained who they were. And speaking of Yamato, while he did have one, it was somewhat rushed as the show's approaching the end game. A fact that annoyed me, because of how ill-timed it was. The only one who had clear character growth, was none other than Misao Mondo. This additional character grew from an awkward and meek guy, to a more confident, mature, and stronger in the end. Even moreso than Yamato, and he's not even the core cast!

This was quite disappointing, because if there's one thing that the season definitely shine, it's in the cast. Eventhough they were NOT perfect, everyone's easily likeable. Despite his 'blandness', Yamato was one of the better Reds we have in the recent years. Sure, many people were calling him the 'Jesus of the Group'. But when compared to the lousy and gratingly annoying Takaharu of previous season, the mature and nurturing Yamato obviously came on top. The other members in Ninninger were better than its Red, but I'd gladly choose the other Zyuohgers in their place. Amu was a character with the strongest and most interesting personality. Her presence was important because she's crucial to drive Yamato's plot. With that reason, I think she was the best character we got in the show. Even when he seemed standoff-ish, Tusk was the likeable smart one. His story with Misao was a great touch, and a pairing I didn't expect would be a gem. Sela was the tough girl of the group, but she's also the one who was sensitive and caring. If there's one member that I found to be annoying, it's Leo. But even I have to admit that he used to be my favorite character early on. Right until the writers dumped some bad traits on him. Seriously, he morphed from super fun, to super annoying, so it was nice that he got a little redemption near the end. These characters were not only easy on the eyes, they were fun to be with. That includes Yamato's uncle Mario Mori, Bard who became the seventh member albeit too briefly, and also the wise gorilla zyuman Larry. All three who were severely underused. My point is, what a waste of potentials indeed.

In general, it became obvious and clear that the show just didn't reach nor exercise its full potential. This somehow felt like a deliberate decision from the writers too, as many of the episodes felt more like... intended fillers. It's a good proof that the number of episodes was simply too long for the core plot. I honestly can't help but wonder, if this show would've been much stronger as a 25 episodes series? I mean, this flaw was even more apparent during the third arc. Aside from Yamato, whose substory came out way too late, the show suddenly pushed aside other character's development and focused more on action, and became a by-the-number trope showcase. If it's up to me, the whole plot from episode 1-48 that involved Genis would've been concised into the first half, while the second half would fully focus on repairing the rift between Earth and Zyuland. Dealing with discrimination and injustice that's happening in both world, while introducing a whole new enemy. A stronger and more powerful threat that threatened both worlds!

Of course, that doesn't mean that I dislike the ending that we got. I wouldn't give it a high score if I do, right? Yes, I know I did whine a lot during the final 5 episodes. But I don't regret that, because it made me appreciate the ending even more. Albeit somehow feeling like a cheat, it was still a brilliant conclusion. It caught me off guard, because I was completely ready to see a 'bad ending'. What kind? One that ended with goodbyes. Where the show's dream to create a unity between Earth and Zyuland, remained just the way it was. A dream. That the 'happy' ending would still be miles away from happening, since our heroes never actually accomplished this goal. Thankfully, we all know that's not the case, as we get a truly sweet, joyful, and satisfying closure instead. In fact, I personally think that the epilogue accomplished much more than what the entire 3rd arc offered! For real.

In the end, despite leaning to 'good', my response to Zyuohger is mixed at best. There's a massive potential and promise the show could've explored, but opted not to. The show is plagued by occasional weak writing, weird decisions, and more importantly, bad timings. There's a shadow of a much better and stronger show that could've been, but in the end, that's not the case. Not saying that it's a bad season, because many times it was plain fun and entertaining. Particularly that 2-episodes crossover with "Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger" that helped established both teams to exist in the same continuity. Zyuohger just didn't feel as 'complete' as it could've been, unlike several previous seasons that managed to successfully nailed their story elements with wonders. Interestingly, at the same time, thanks to being somewhat underdeveloped, I certainly want to see these guys again. You know why? Because the way the show ended just opened up an entire possibility for a whole new season! Where humans and zyumans struggle to coexist in the same universe. One which unfortunately, we won't be seeing. At least not until these character 'return'...

Yep, of course we haven't seen the last of this team. Customary to their tradition, TOEI has already announced a special V-Cinema that will be released on June 28. Jugding from the official plot of "Kaettekita Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger O-inochi Choudai! Chikyuu Ouja Ketteisen", I'm crossing my fingers that this IS the continuity I want to see. The show wasted the chance to explore the barriers between different races, and moreso, skipped the actual daily lives of the four Zyuman Zyuohgers in Zyuland with their family. So I hope this special sequel will deal with that unused plot. It won't be their Swan Song though. Some, if not all members would undoubtedly participate in the upcoming "Kamen Rider x Super Sentai: Chou Super Hero Taisen" movie. And just like last month, they most definitely will have a crossover movie too early next year. That Versus movie will be their final official (as in, not in guest-star capacity) foray in the Super Sentai franchise. And it might be an interesting one, since the next season takes place in a distant future. That's like, a completely different world and timeline, right? Here's hoping that means we'll be getting bigger and better adventures for the Zyuohgers soon!

Overall Score: 7,84 out of 10 NOTE: Overall score was accumulated from my Weekly Review scores. You can view a graph of those reviews to find out which episodes were the highlights and also the series lows.

[ainosalms]

11/27/2017: Writing about Gone Girl

Date and time: 11/27/2017, 2 hours

Activity: I wrote a review about the book I just finished, Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl. There’s a synopsis of the book and some of my own opinions too.

Language focus: Writing, vocabulary and grammar of course. I mostly used bab.la and Oxford Collocations Dictionary for those two. I tried to write with no stress, meaning that I just wrote down my thoughts at first and only after I was finished I started to worry about the grammar and making corrections. I think this way of writing suits me better than trying to produce grammatically correct text from the very beginning.

Reflection: I liked writing this! I also have to admit that it is easier to write about something when the memories and feelings are still clear in my mind. That’s always been my problem, finishing projects. The longer I procrastinate, the harder it becomes to start. I also did the editing on the same day so the text wouldn’t become a scary monster, something I feel embarrassed about. And look at me, now I have a finished text and it only took me two hours. The next step would be really planning my texts and writing several versions, I think.

Here’s the text:

Gone Girl – a book review

As one part of my ALMS independent studies I read Gillian Flynn’s thriller Gone Girl. It has become very popular in the few years since its publishing, and I had been meaning to read it for a while. I had somehow managed to stay clear of spoilers, even though the book has also been made into an even more popular movie.

The first part of the book consists of a married couple’s stories of their life together. The book follows the husband, Nick Dunne, beginning from the day his wife, Amy Elliott Dunne, goes missing. Every other chapter is a diary entry of Amy’s. It becomes clear very soon that at least one of the characters must be lying, since their stories are so contradictory and they both seem to blame each other for their marital problems, at least for the most part. As a reader, I’m soon faced with a question: do I trust either one of these characters, and if I do, which one?

My first impression of Nick is that he must be the liar. He seems arrogant, somewhat self-centered and childish. Even the police officers are quick to guess that he’s the baby of his family. I think he’s responsible for his and Amy’s problems, especially after he confesses to having had an affair with one of his students for over a year. I don’t know if he’s responsible for Amy’s disappearance, but he’s definitely not a very likable guy and seems a bit shady too. To be perfectly honest, I’m not too fond of Amy either. The book showcases seven years’ worth of her diary entries. In the beginning she’s already over 30 years old, and having that in mind she seems really childish too. She goes on and on about how she’s find the perfect guy (Nick, that is) and seems to be dedicated to making her husband’s life perfect, at least for the first few years of their marriage. It just doesn’t seem entirely believable. Amy is, after all, a New Yorker, a writer, someone who’s never been in love before and has despised her friends’ mediocre, cliché relationships. And now, at thirty, she’s over the moon because of some guy she meets at a party? It’s a little too fairytale-like to be true. So I guess she’s not being honest either, but why would she lie in her personal diary?

Now, the second part of the book is where the plot twist is presented, or at least one of them and in my opinion it’s also the biggest one of all. It turns out that Amy’s diary was all fake, she had actually written it all in the last year, after she’d decided to frame her cheating husband for her murder. And indeed, even though in the diary she tries to understand his husband and his bad temper, Nick does come off as the bad guy. The book continues to follow Nick’s hardships as he slowly and little by little finds out about Amy’s elaborate scheme which she has planned for over a year, ever since Nick’s extramarital affair began. Nick has been completely oblivious to the fact that Amy has known about it all along. To his dismay, Amy turns out to be some kind of a sociopath, and she’s planned her own murder so well that Nick’s guiltiness looks obvious both to the police and to the public. To make Nick seem even worse, she’s also faked a pregnancy using her pregnant friend’s pee. And oh, of course they happen to live in a state where death penalty’s in use.

Towards the end of the book, I think the natural reaction for the reader is to start hating Amy, not just because of what she’s done to her husband but because she fooled everyone, including the reader who was eager to believe the kind, if a little foolish, missing and probably dead wife. It also turns out that this isn’t the first time Amy’s done horrible things to people who had disappointed her in some way. For example, a little before she and Nick started dating, she accused a guy who wasn’t very into her of date rape, and destroyed her friend’s life by accusing her of stalking and all sorts of creepiness. Her plans had always been perfect so that the person being punished came off as crazy if they tried to prove their innocence. Seeing Nick being blamed for Amy’s murder very publicly made them think that this might just be another one of Amy’s crazy plots, but they were afraid to speak up even years later, because they just didn’t want Amy and her devious plans back into their lives.

For Nick, however, the situation is a bit more complicated, because he knows he’ll be arrested if Amy doesn’t resurface soon. So he starts acting remorseful in interviews so that Amy would forgive him and come back to her (to be killed, he swears to himself). And for some reason that works! That’s another thing that feels very hard to believe. No person in their right mind would come back after setting up such a foolproof plan. But I guess we have to remember that Amy is not necessarily in her right mind, and she believes she can talk them both out of the mess she created. The bigger the lie, the harder they want to believe it, you know. So she comes running back to Nick (after killing her former lover who had been taking care of her in a loving but very creepy manner, of course).

I wanted to believe that Amy couldn’t talk her way out of this one, there’s no way she could explain everything as the plan was very complex. But yes, you guessed it, she somehow can. She’s in love with Nick again now that he has ditched his lover and promised to be an excellent husband - on national television! Nick finds himself serving a very different kind of death sentence as he realizes he’ll never be able to leave Amy and live as a free man. And to make sure he won’t leave, Amy gets herself pregnant using Nick’s sperm she had been storing, because of course she has, why not. In the end of the book they’re starting over, living their horrifying, happy family life Amy had always dreamt of.

Now, I think Gillian Flynn is an amazing writer. She clearly knows how to surprise and how to play with a reader’s feelings. She must have known that the reader will be quick to blame Nick, they even talk about in the book how everyone always knows the husband is the murderer from the beginning. However, the book left me feeling a little underwhelmed. At some point I realized that things were happening very quickly, there were surprises around every corner, and that didn’t stop until the last page. The story just started to feel like a soap opera. I think Amy’s master plan, the police investigation and Nick’s despair wouldn’t have been more than enough for one book. And just that one big plot twist. It felt overdone, especially Amy’s pregnancy at the very end.

Another problem I had with the book were the characters. None of them felt relatable and I didn’t really feel sympathetic towards them. I guess the reader was supposed to like Nick despite his major flaws and I do think that he didn’t deserve such a terrible fate. But he just didn’t seem interesting or special in any way, which is also why I don’t fully understand why Amy wanted him to herself so much. Amy, on the other hand, was very interesting, but understanding the trail of her thoughts was hard. She didn’t feel plausible. The supporting characters came off as very caricature-like. There were Nick’s horrible father, loving (and dying, of course) mother and a twin sister who was very “one of the guys” and also Nick’s best friend. There was Nick’s mistress Andie whom he literally described as “an alien-fuck doll of a girl”. Seriously. And then there was also Desi Collings, Amy’s former lover who never got over her and wanted to take care of her twenty years later when she was still married to another man, because she was just that gorgeous. The story can be incredibly good, but if the characters don’t feel real and likable, it won’t make a big impression on me.

All in all, I’m glad I read this book and I’m glad it wasn’t the typical “the husband did it” kind of story. Maybe my expectations were too high since a lot of people seem to like this book. It didn’t feel like the “thriller of the year” as someone from Observer says in the front cover, it felt more like something you could buy from an airport and read on a vacation. I don’t normally read thrillers at all, so this was something I’m not used to. I think I’m going to try another book from Flynn and decide if I like her as a writer after that.