#i wanted to post this earlier but i didnt get the chance to write it all out until now TT

[celestie0]

oh gosh i really could sob. i feel bad sometimes w bringing upsetting things to forefront of my blog or posting about it bc i don't want people to feel burdened to send me any words of support but i just :(( thank u sm to everyone sending me such sweet asks.

i think it has really made me realize that 99% of my readers are so sweet and kind and i really need to remember this fact whenever i am feeling bad about the few rude ones.

i'm really sorry if i was a little aggressive in responding to that anon, although i'm not backtracking here per se, i just think it was all a combination of the similar incidents i faced earlier this year w people pressuring me to write smut for kickoff to the point where i was paralyzed w anxiety n couldn’t write for the story at all for like two months. i just was really upset to see it happening w ihm too, so i felt the need to stand up for myself.

and in clarification, i am so grateful in general for all the love i’ve received w my fics. i genuinely mean it when i say i had no idea at all what i was getting myself into when i started posting kickoff back in january but i am just so humbled w the way i’ve been received. i think i just want to clarify that, in my response to that anon and just rude anons in general, i’m not upset over the fact i didnt get a positive interaction, because again, i don’t take those for granted. what i am upset about is getting negative interactions, when these people could have a little more self awareness and just not say anything at all. i appreciate all my silent readers n those who may feel shy to leave comments or asks or anything, or maybe their capacity is to just leave a like. i think my issue w these rude anons is that on top of making rude demands, they also don’t interact w the work in any meaningful way.

but, that being said, i want to respond to everyone's replies and asks w heart n soul so i will do as i get proper chance to :'') but i've read them all and could sob really.

i was ready to make some pretty extreme creative decisions regarding my fics after receiving that ask but i feel a lot better now and its really thanks to everyone’s support i’m so grateful and again pls never feel pressured to send me anything i really just appreciate having you all here in general 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

tysm n love u all sm

[ebisul]

Star Wars Rewatch: Phantom Menace

Keep in mind this is intended to help me analyze where they are politically at this given point in time as well as my own commentary here and there. A lot of it is just what is happening at the given time. I havent been able to watch TCW in the past few days so i thought i’d finally post this instead. TLDR at the end.

* Right off the bat, the trade federation is blockading trade to Naboo due to taxation of trade routes

* Chancellor sends two jedi to deal with the conflict without informing the Congress of the Republic because the debates were taking too long(?)

* The jedi are defined here as guardians of peace and justice

* The blockade is legal and receptive to ambassadors (definitely a trick)

* Not politics but i hate qui gon just dismissing obi wans concerns when he was also told by yoda to be mindful of the future

* Trade federation turns wary specifically bc the ambassadors are jedi

* Palpatine bends law to his whim for trade federation

* “I will make it legal” he is just a senator at the moment so idk how exactly he did it

* Attempted assassination of the jedi

* Chancellor sending jedi was meant to force an end to the trade boycott

* This was mentioned earlier but i didnt write it down

* Trade federation invades naboo to further palps plot but what does that do for them?

* Was it out of fear of palps? Do they just want to own naboo? What does the Trade Federation gain from any of this?

* Palps uses procedures to distract and force the senate to allow trade federation to take control of naboo

* Successfully

* Land on tatooine due to lack of federation control, but it is controlled by the Hutts

* Palps wants a treaty signed. What does the treaty entail?

* Anakin introduction

* “Youre a slave” “im a person and my name is anakin” get her ass

* Watto says government currency is not real money

* Interesting business decision?

* Naboo citizens in danger and potentially dying

* Told not to contact naboo bc it may be a trap

* Padme mentions Republic antislavery laws are only effective to republic worlds

* Ineffective for worlds outside of that jurisdiction so the maintaining justice only applies to republic worlds?

* Force sensitive children are only identified as potential jedi under the republic

* Qui Gon thinks anakin is the chosen one and takes his blood without permission from him or his mother

* Bets to win a small boy and when it was left up to chance he used the force to ensure he won anakin and not his mother and then proceeds to not tell anakin about the bet

* Decided to make anakin a jedi without talking to anakin or shmi about it beforehand

* Palps tries to manipulate sabe(acting as padme) into overthrowing chancellor valorum and place himself in power

* Queen amidala goes with palps plan to question valorums ability to assist naboo and move for a vote of no confidence

* Palps gets nominated and acts as though he has already won based on sympathy alone

* Presumably the manipulation of the trade federation was a tool to win him the role of chancellor

* Queen amidala believes the senate can no longer function because of the amount of procedures involved in fixing known problems and their inability to make decisions fast enough to help anyone

* Qui Gon states anakin is the chosen one as if its a fact whereas Yoda says his future is clouded

* This usually means its dark

* Qui Gon immediately throws Obi wan aside when he has the opportunity to take on anakin as a padawan wothout discussing with obi wan if he even feels he is ready for the trials despite telling him repeatedly that he has much to learn

* Says obi wan is ready and then immediately back tracks and says he still has much to learn in the same sentence. That Bitch.

* Padme allying with the gungans on naboo

* Gungans left to deal with the droid army

* Gungans are a diversion in order to sneak into the capital and capture enemy leadership and take out the droid control ship

* Why the fuck did qui gon bring a child to infiltrate occupied territory???

* God I hate Qui Gon

* “We will watch your career with great interest” he wants to groom him

* The council still don’t want to train anakin as a jedi but qui gon insisted he was the chosen one to his dying breath despite the known fact that prophecies aren’t always cut and dry

* Reemergence of the Sith

* Peace on Naboo between humans and gungans

This is basically the beginning of the end for the Republic, the set up for the clone wars, Palpatines first rise in power and the actions taken that led up to it. Its the demonstration of how far back Palpatine’s manipulations go, from Padme Amidala to the Jedi Order, the Senate, and the Separatists even the roots of his manipulation of Anakin as a small child.

[windwardstar]

So my two year mark on T is coming up in the next few days and while I will be writing up a longer post about all my experiences later, I do want to say this:

It is never too late to start hormones, you'll see amazing changes no matter how old you are when you start. And I know how hard it is to wait.

I know a lot of those starting hrt later in life stories are from people who didn't realize they were trans until later. And maybe you're thinking it's great for them but that you know you're trans now. You know the options for hormones and gender affirming care exist and you want it but just aren't allowed.

And I'm here to say i know how hard it is to wait.

I knew I wasn't a girl at 5. I wasn't allowed to not be though. Part of the requirements for stopping therapy in elementary school was that I learned to stop saying it. I realized being trans was a thing in high school even if i didnt know nonbinary was an option. I was given room to be tomboy irl and not-a-girl-not-a-boy in my mind. And then I went to live with different family members who expressed violently anti-trans beliefs and any social transitions I did had to be limited to safe spaces, where the countdown to eacaping them also became a countdown to being able to transition socially and medically. I wasn't able to move out and into my own place until I was 25. I didn't get to start T until I was 29 because of insurances. And had to wait until this past year for top surgery and hysto. And am still waiting for bottom surgery.

And I still wish I could have gotten on T earlier. That I could have been able to transition in all the ways I wanted earlier. But they're absolutely worth doing it now because it means I get to be me now. I'm still read as a girl 100% of the time but I feel better about my own body and so many aspects of my dysphoria have decreased. There are things that haven't changed but what has has been entirely worth it.

The wait has also allowed me to build up a history of having a consistent gender identity. It has allowed me to figure out exactly what I want and know down to my bones what the right choices for my transition are so that when I speak with the doctors with other people I have the weight of a decade+ of certainty backing up my choices. And being 30 rather than 13 people are more likely to listen to me and trust that I know myself. It allowed me to save up money and to find a job with good insurance to facilitate my transition.

You shouldn't have to wait. Whatever your age as soon as you know what the right choice is for you, you should be able to make it. And other people stopping you because they think they know better is infuriating and can make you feel hopeless. But one day you will get to transition in all the ways you want.

Bide your time. Use it to figure out what you want. To figure out what you have to do in order to get what you want. To save money. To identify the hoops. Find places where you can be yourself.

I know it's hard to wait. I still struggle with the grief over having to. Wonders of what my life could have been like. But I do know what it is like to finally get to transition and all the joy I've experienced over the past two years, that no matter how long I have to wait for more it'll never be too late because any time I have to experience this joy is worth it.

It's hard to wait, but please stick around and wait. It'll be worth it once you get the chance. I promise.

[sleepgarden]

I would love to hear more about that quote if you’re comfortable sharing!!

Yes! Okay I'll write it under a readmore- content warnings for abuse and trauma, in this specific case sexual. ...It ended up very long, I'm sorry >< !! I hope it all makes sense at least.

Now that I'm actually about to write it I realize how much context i need to give, so I'll try to do it as simply as possible but this is actually the first time im talking about this piece in depth, so it may still be a little messy..

At the time of making the piece I was at the end of a very long and hurtful relationship. During that relationship I was coerced, taken advantage of, and had my decline of consent ignored (that's one way to put it.. its hard to talk about lol). The timeline leading up to the illustration is hard to explain, but some time before is when i started accepting that i was trans. I allowed myself to see me as i am, explore my identity, approach my own thoughts/feelings with curiosity instead of fear. I gained a lot of confidence in that time (at least, compared to what i had before!) but i kept it a secret from my then-partner as they werent exactly accepting. With this newfound confidence though I expressed some desires to them that they gave a very clear and solid no to, so I immediately dropped it and moved on. (I should also say, i never really asked for anything in that relationship before. The things my partner did made me think that i was asexual for years, lmao) Later, nearing the end of it, is when i started realizing how truly awful the things they did were and how deeply it affected me. I felt like I had given (been taken from, actually) so much and had nothing to show for it. I also had the realization when thinking back about when I myself asked for something too but was told no, just how easy it was to accept that. In fact is was impossible to imagine not accepting it and getting them to do what i wanted anyways.

So to now explain the phrase "and now with thorns of his own, its the roses call to endure" The thorns are the shift of the dynamic, where as before the rose was the only one with them, the character in the illustration had now grown his own. Equally awful to touch or be touched by. He calls on the rose to endure just as he did. But, of course, I didnt feel that way. I would never want to do that to someone. I could never expect that from them, you know? How could I? And thats just it- thats where the anger came from: How could they?

The realization of what its like on the other end to be told "no" and to imagine pushing them to deal with it regardless was infuriating. The illustration calls on the rose to endure, but the anger in the piece is about asking it to do so. It's such an impossible thing to imagine doing, but something that I experienced for years. I was angry with myself for going through that, I was angry with them for everything they did, and i put it all in that illustration. It was genuinely one of the most healing illustrations ive ever made, and i officially ended the relationship soon after.

With all illustrations there really is more to it than can be said with a blanket explanation like that. But the major emotional force was driven by those things, if that makes sense? I am glad people can connect to this piece or see themself in their own way, however they interpret it. I've had people say they feel seen with it, or that its satisfying to them, and it fills my heart so much that it aches. As i said before, its bittersweet, but so meaningful to me.

I wrote this earlier today and while reviewing the draft I see how messy it is, but I'm going to post anyways! I apologize if it's incoherent- it's hard to tall about complex emotions like that. And due to how personal it is (the most personal I've ever been online I think) I'll delete it sometime in the future. Anyways, thank you again for reaching out about it! I don't get a chance to talk about my work very often. ♡

Thank you anyone who ready all that as well!

[fcknstar]

,, by midnight "

- harryosborn x reader

a.n : i uhhh just want to put this out that this can be abit cringy to some readers and i am vv hesitant to post this. this is more towards to a sad ending and that this is prompt #1. i was getting kinda restless and just had to.

warnings : cringy writing , sad ending??

**lowercase intended**

it was never easy for harry to accept his genetic disease, not when he realise how fast his life will be taken away from him. when spiderman visited harry, harry have never felt as happy knowing he might be able to get a second chance at  life. but what harry didnt expect was the words that came out of spidermans mouth. instead of a “ we might be able to save you with my blood, but it needs time so hang it there. “ harry got the opposite. despite harrys desperation, he didnt want to destroy himself and what he has. realising that his health is deteriorating, he knew he had to phone you before it was too late. you had always been there for harry, that was why harry adored you. maybe more than adored. he liked you, a lot. but he was too  scared of rejection, overthinking the situation and not wanting to make what you both have awkward. the way youd always take care of him and vice versa. 

so when harry called you with a strange calm tone, you offered to go over to his penthouse which has been opened for you and only you. harry decided that itd be better for you to come over and ignored the tiny voices in his head which was against it, telling him continuously that you didnt deserve to see him in such state. 

“ harry? “ harry turned to see you walking towards him with open arms. “ you okay? “ you noticed the change of atmosphere. walking towards him slowly, you noticed how pale he was.

you natural instinct is to guide him to his couch, and gently placing the backside of your hand onto his forehead.  feeling how hot he was, you quickly grabbed a cloth to wet it. placing the wet cloth on harrys forehead trying to cool his temperature down. you knew about his genetic disease but didnt know it was destroying him in and out fast. 

“ you know, theres moments in my life that i did not regret doing..i guess meeting you is on the top of  my list.. ” harry smiled softly looking at you. shaking your head, you denied everything that was going to happen. “ no, no. we are going to find a cure. okay? you hear me, you have my word. “ 

“ why waste the energy knowing that- “ harry was cut off with you mumbling. “ at least it gives me some hope to know that id probably get your annoying morning calls again? can we not be so negative, harry? “ you breathed. harry hated to see you so distressed because of him. maybe he did regret meeting you because if he hadnt, he wouldnt have troubled you as much. youd probably asleep looking at how late it was getting. harry gave himself a prep talk before  you came. he decided that it was probably best to tell you by midnight, if he had time.  if the gods were in his favour.

“ shh, its fine. and before you cut me off, let me pass on a  message that past me would have said earlier. “ not ready to listen to his little rant, harry grabbed your wrist, wrapping his hand with yours. “ i have..i have always liked you? i know its probably stupid. and i hope it doesnt change the way you view me but i really have to get it out. you have one of the stupidest jokes and humor, and remarkably, you were able to make me laugh. i hope that that doesnt change? okay? i love you a lot and im sorry if i was a total bitch to you “ harry saw the tears you had that was going to fall any second. nodding, you took a deep breathe in. “ im glad i heard it. i..i have always felt the same way. and the amount of hatred i have for you knowing that you could have told me way sooner doesnt change the way i love you. “ it was enough for harry to make him lean forward and connect his lips onto yours. he didnt want to regret not doing anything before anything were to happen.

[aronarchy]

[image ID: a screenshot of a Tumblr interaction.

On May 3, someone posted, “[cloud emoji]: [redacted] blinkies <3 anti abuse only plz,” with six blinkies, captioned “all made at blinkie.cafe”

On June 2, critical-collective reblogged the original post. A third person reblogged this reblog, saying, “Many of those you would consider pro-abuse would consider themselves anti-abuse, and I can firmly say that even without knowing your stance. Sorry, but this is literally the same as ‘basic DNI,’ ‘DNI shitheads.’”

critical-collective reblogged from the third person, adding the tags, “#tbh i didnt even see that anti abuse thing when i first rbed #i was just captivated by the rolal blinkie #but rbing for that addition #also important to say that you cant really control who uses the things you post to public domain”

/end image ID]

I’ve been seeing this take more and more often among people I would consider friends/closely acquainted comrades, and I strongly disagree. It’s kind of worrying, actually. I’d wanted to address this earlier, and even started drafting this post weeks ago, but unfortunately stress + ADHD made me unable to actually finish writing it until now.

I remember seeing a similar sentiment around here from this following set of answers to anons. I hadn’t wanted to say anything about those answers at the time, because I was triggered and distressed, and thought it wasn’t really important enough of an issue to make a fuss about. But I think I’ll talk about it now, and I’ll also take this chance to address these in the same post, because they run on similar faulty logics.

[image ID: three asks sent to a person (not through Tumblr) about 1 month ago.

The first ask:

I see that many [[people in a certain community/demographic] think that [thing which is a form of sexual abuse] does not count as real sexual abuse,] but [they see that] others unfortunately [are] being real victims of predators and get sexually abused [(what does count as “real sexual abuse” under their framework)], so although wouldn't it be more logical to be anti-abuse than anti-[term for a set of behaviors which all constitute abuse (we believe we are correct in considering them to be abuse), though the aforementioned individuals believe that only some of them are abuse)]?

answer:

“Anti abuse” sounds like “anti bad things, pro good things” to me.

second ask:

Are you not anti bad things pro good things?

answer:

I try not to define my political positions in ways that describe my attitude more than what I actually want.

third ask:

But some people do think abuse is good, even things they themselves consider “abuse” (with that word).

answer:

Most people I’ve come across agreed with me that abuse is bad. We just defined abuse differently. And that, together with how sensationalized the concept of abuse is and how easily people get aggressive at the slightest implication that they support abuse, makes me not want to use this word as often. There are other ways to say the same thing.

Some portions have been redacted. The text in brackets was edited in by me to clarify context or make things easier to read.

/end image ID]

(I’m aware that this might make the OPs feel attacked. To clarify, I don’t intend this as an attack of some sort, just as a way to air my disagreements and frustrations and possibly provide useful information or arguments. Usually I don’t say anything at all when a friend/close acquaintance says something which I find problematic, because I don’t want to make people mad/upset at me, and feel like nobody would agree anyway. I’m not mad and don’t want any apologies; just bringing up points for consideration.)

It’s very important to me that people do not confuse what “should” be done from what “can” be done. It’s true, for example, that it’s difficult to truly have control over who reuses your designs you post to Tumblr. That doesn’t, however, make it wrong for you to wish for your creations to be reshared in respectful and ethical ways. Is it actually wrong for someone to violate a “do not use this if you are X”? I don’t know; the ethical considerations surrounding boundaries regarding non-direct interactions like these are far more ambiguous and difficult to determine. That doesn’t mean, however, that we should use doomer arguments—the logic of “you can’t enforce this, which is why you should not expect (want) people to respect this” itself can be applied to anything. Including boundaries that are much more obviously obligatory to respect. Leaving this open is dangerous. A similar set of arguments applies to DNIs in general.

And is it wrong for, say, a bigot to interact with a marginalized person who says “people bigoted against my identity DNI”? IMO, yes, but not really because I’d say “all DNIs are always inherently wrong to violate”; it’s because a bigot, with the beliefs they hold, makes those marginalized people unsafe. But the very same DNIs that are (pretty much) most unambiguously unethical to cross are also the ones which are hardest to enforce, because by definition bigots do not care about the boundaries of marginalized people. But, using this to argue against DNIs as a whole misunderstands the reason why many people say “[bigoted group] DNI.” They know that it’s not really enforceable without a block, but it sends a message: that this is what they want, and it indicates what they believe, and that they are likely hostile to bigotry. The same logic applies to abuse apologia.

This is in no way the same as things like “basic DNI criteria” or “DNI shitheads.” “Basic DNI criteria” and “shitheads” are nebulous, basically impossible to define universally, because they can’t be the same among everyone; they're by themselves vague and extremely subjective. But “abuse” is not such a term. Abuse is possible (arguably easy!) to define objectively, and one should expect people to adhere to a single definition of “abuse” (and believe that it exists). Of course most people don't agree on what constitutes “abuse”—and that is a problem, actually! Most people are abuse apologists; that’s not a good thing. Of course most people aren't the type of edgelord that’s unironically supportive of what they personally believe does constitute “abuse.” That doesn’t mean they’re not actually pro-abuse though; it means they’re wrong thinking some abuse isn’t real abuse. But the solution to that is not to cater to their abuse apologia, to coddle them and refuse to tell them the truth for the sake of some liberal ideals of “tolerance” for a “diversity of opinions.” Some opinions are not valid! Some opinions are harmful!

Bigots (in general) use the exact same tactics, rejecting labels like “racist” or “homophobe” when they’re accused of being such, because they don't believe what they’re promoting or doing “counts” as “real” bigotry or oppression. That doesn’t mean they're right about that. It also does not mean that people should stop saying “I don’t want [bigots] here” because “well what about the [un-self-aware bigots]!!” (They are un-self-aware bigots, not people who just happen to have a neutrally different and equally valid opinion on what constitutes bigotry.)

Ceding that the definition of abuse can reasonably/should be relativized is what abuse-relativizers (and abuse advocates/abusers in general) have been cheering on since forever. They believe that “abuse” is “simply a word to indicate nebulous individual feelings of perceiving Bad Things” because they support abuse and don’t view it as a serious issue specifically defined by exploitation of power/violation of autonomy which is inherently unethical, and view victims as lying, overreacting, contemptible, and unreliable witnesses to or interpreters of our own lives. They apply this view to victims/survivors all the time, dismissing our concerns as simply “subjective feelings” or Moral(tm) Judgment(tm), and cast this labeling as “demonization.”

The term abuse is “sensationalized” in most people’s minds BECAUSE of pervasive abuse culture and pro-abuse attitudes. Of course many people only believe that Actually Extremely Bad actions are “abusive”—they don’t have a good understanding of what abuse is! That is a very bad thing! It is one of the most important factors in making most abuse go undetected and most victims unsupported! (Meanwhile, the actual problem with the anon’s statement and beliefs went unaddressed, missing out on a useful opportunity, because the responder decided to focus completely on the wrong problem.)

I can’t really take this (the responses to the asks) as just some sort of personal preference indicator regarding terminology and comfort levels. It’s clearly a capitulation to abuse culture that fundamentally misunderstands the dynamics at play, and ultimately reinforces these problems.

Yes, much of abuse victim advocacy advises that (at first) you should not directly use the term “abuse” when telling someone that the abusive behaviors they’ve experienced were wrong or that their abuser is harming them. But that has never been a call to keep doing that forever, perceiving avoiding the term “abuse” (them having internalized their abuser’s abusive rhetoric) as some sort of good thing. It’s a crucial part of healing and breaking free from abuse to be able to understand that the abuse was in fact “abuse” and that abusers are abusers.

The word “abuse” is language extremely important to victims/survivors and anti-abuse activists. Abuse apologists’ fear of/aggressive opposition to being labeled abusers is a clear indicator and product of their own ignorance, entitlement, and oppressive ideologies. That makes it even more important to confront their problematic rhetoric and lack of understanding instead of defanging our ability to analyze and critique power dynamics and advocate for ourselves.

Everywhere I look I see people wanting to water down, co-opt, or constrain the language developed and used by survivors because nothing will satisfy them but, ultimately, complete silence. Everywhere people seem allergic to the term “abuse,” complaining that it is “too strong a word” and maybe you shouldn’t use it? I mean it’s kind of harsh/mean/too extreme/subjective/exaggerating/hysterical isn’t it? Just pick a different word!!! (No word ever truly satisfies.) I’m fucking tired of this bullshit and I don’t want traces of it to stick in places where I am supposed to feel safe and have my issues and my needs understood too.

(update: talked it out with the aforementioned third person; we mostly agree)

[mybiasisexo]

I've had a rough time when it comes down to networks. They're hard to come across because there's never one unanimous tag they use for others to find them. I usually scope out successful writers' accounts to see what networks they use since that's the only legitimate way of finding active and successful networks.

Most of the time, you'll find inactive networks that haven't reblogged in years, though some writers still use the tag in case readers search through the tag. I've come across networks that cater to certain specialties. For example, networks that only reblog a specific group, networks that only reblog smut, networks that only reblog gifs, etc..

And applying to networks can be strenuous and at times annoying. I've applied to a network and the very next week they closed applications, so I thought I got ghosted. They eventually accepted me half a year later, but it was so unprofessional of them that I didn't even bother reblogging the acceptance post. I've joined a network that did both gifs and fics, but their account was 99% gifs to the point that I thought I was mistaken in thinking that it was a fic network as well. I also thought that I was potentially the only fic writer in the whole network.

The most irritating aspect of networks is their Discords, which are oftentimes obligatory for no reason whatsoever. They'll form cliques and private group chats, alienate/badmouth other members, will actively ignore you if you're not part of their friend group which makes conversation nearly impossible. It gets so toxic that you know the moment you enter the conversation and they stop talking for a few minutes, they're in their DMs talking about you. You'll try to offer help or advice in writing and they'll just end the conversation right then and there, or they'll completely skip over your message and keep talking to their friend.

Though all in all, networks are challenging, as you already know. I just wanted to update you on the status of Tumblr networks currently. EXO networks are few and far, and I think most of them are inactive, so you'd probably have the best chance of just using one of their inactive tags in case readers still use them. There are a few big networks out there that'll still reblog EXO fics, so that would probably be your best chance. Hopefully it all works out for you! I've also considered forming my own network, but because of that Discord experience I talked about earlier, I've been hesitant to do so for fear of attracting a few members with similar demeanors. Though I'm sure the network you make would be much better!

Good luck!

(P.S. This wasn't meant to be answered. I just wanted to give you some words of advice when I saw your posts about networks.)

im sorry if you didnt want me to answer this, but i want to 😬

thank you for this, it was really eye opening. Ive never joined a network before so i had no idea really how they worked and that does sound like a lot.

I honestly just want to make a blog that exo writers and readers could all congregate and use to discover and reblog each others work and interact if they wished to. nothing too crazy. I also have discord ptsd so i dont even wanna use that thing nomore lmao

Ig the biggest issue would be spreading the word and seeing how many people would even interact with it. I have a feeling there are more writers/readers than we think there are tho 🤔

[tears-of-boredom]

tumblr is lagging in a weird way so i dont know if this is gonna post but

what if I killed myself huh, would that give a chance at the life ive always wanted. i dont even really want to kill myself right now, sometimes specific words just sound right when out together. also earlier i was repeating "she needs to sort out her priorities" in my head because that is the equivalent of vocal stimming to my quiet ass. also yeah im kinda sad about the vibe ive created in my mind around harry potter. its this non-existant thing but still i get like really wishful and sad whenever I think about harry potter. and by "non-existant" i mean that the vibe was completely created by ATYD and is associated in my brain with the whole hp world forever now. and its kinda awful. but also I shouldnt beat myself up over this. because im pretty sure the only reason the vibe stuck so hard is because when i was in one of my earliest depressive episodes, imagining conjuring flowers for myself was how i spent many sleepless nights. but also I'm pretty sure my mom isnt aware of what kind of person jk is, and its really awkward cause we have like two hp mugs and I wanna throw them out but then she said that if I dont wanna use them, she could put them in between the window panes. as decorations. which is even worse. it would be better if the reason we have them still is "we use them to drink stuff.". but I was really fucking tired when she said that and i didnt wanna get into conflict. anyways what the fuck was I talking about im so sorry. guess ive just been dealing with the guilt of still wanting to enjoy the idea of harry potter that i have in my head. and the fics. which admittedly suck a lot of the time. honestly like if you write hp fics just dont mention the differing dorms its really fucking weird, dont keep that weird sexist shit in. I mean, thats assuming that you don't like jk. cuz if you did you'd probably like the sexist shit. you'd probably like how every single fic has at least one "group of giggling girls". anyways yeah i dont really hate myself today, i just think my hormones are a bit rowdy. so i just feel shitty for no reason. its honestly the worst when you cant even pinpoint why in the fuck you feel shitty. anyways im gonna listen to music now because i have not done that in a long fucking while. seriously, i have not had the need to leave the house for so long that id take my earbuds, and otherwise ive been tiring myself out playing on the ps4 so ive not even realised its a thing i can do.

oh cool you can add the read more thing on mobile now.

[flashdrivegarbage]

I just saw a post of someone talking about how like proud their younger self would be of them and like i didn’t want to add this to their post because uhhh this is very much opposite vibes and honestly mught be really depressing. I just kinda need to write iit out and ttell SOMEONE and i recently realized that i dont actually have any friends like at all and all the people i thought were my friends… just arent. Thats a whole pther story and not the point of this post, I just mean i literally dont have anyone else i can talk about this to and i just want to get this out of my head so i can stop thinking about it.

But like… i think if i had the chance to talk to my younger self… i think they’d be disappointed in me. I’ve grown up in a like super mega religious household and now im not religious at all and im nonbinary and im asexual and im on the aromantic spectrum and im bi. Like. Everything that i didnt want to be when i was a kid. Ill never be able to have the epic love story i wanted as a kid, ill never be able go find the romanticized ‘one for me’, which is still something im struggling to come to terms with because of how much wanting that was a part of me for so long before i realized i was on the aro spectrum. Im never going to be able to have kids in a way that my parents will approve of because the idea of having sex disgusts me. I might end up deciding that my life partner is a woman or another nonbinary person, and even then it still wont be a romantic fall-in-love hallmark style life partner. Ive given up on god and all that shit. And even beyond all of that, ive given up on my dreams in a big way. I want to be a pharmacist now, but for my entire life i always wanted to be an author and one day i just kinda realized i wasnt going to ever be one. I write fanfic now, which i really love and gives me a ton of fulfillment, but im never going to be a published author, i dont think. I have no desire to create my own characters or worlds. But i know that my you ger self would be devastated by this. And, like i said earlier, i have literally no friends. I have people who im kinda friendly with at school. I have people i thought i was friends with. But i honestly dont have any friends. I just… i cant help but feel like if i ever talked to my younger self they would hate that they turned into me. They’d be disappointed that im their future. I dont really know what that says about me.

[lesbiancarat]

An (incomplete) analysis of Seventeen's Darl+ing MV

So me and @minghaosmilfshirt basically went frame by frame through the MV after it came out and i wanted to share some of the things we found for anyone who's confused!

first some general, overarching analysis of the MV and then I'll go through and point out some details chronologically. first things first, the MV is inspired by Peter Pan. seventeen are the lost boys in Neverland who are living happily in eternal youth. there are multiple references to youth throughout the video, such as the watch hoshi holds that says "boyhood"

there are even more references to growing up, though they're accompanied by more negative connotations (for example the book wonwoo is reading is called "growing pains" and the scrabble words spell out "grow" but also "shadow", already foreshadowing the twist at the end

an article revealed that "in the MV Seventeen were afraid of their inner shadow but they couldn't escape. When all 13 shadows gathered, the shadow grew bigger and another world unfolded before them, and a new story of Seventeen began. the story will continue with 4th regular album to be released in May." (source)

also throughout the MV there are a lot of sun motifs as well as smiley faces, perhaps representing the happy times of youth. there is also a common theme of clocks, likely representing the stopped time that allows seventeen to live in eternal youth

at the beginning of the MV we see vernon sunbathing. a bird flies overhead, casting a shadow on his face. vernon then raises his hand to block the sun, which is how he realizes he doesn't have a shadow. we also see a glimpse of the world crumbling that will come in full force at the end of the MV

a bit later we see the first shot of this clock, which is being stopped from moving by the red pin. again, presumably symbolizing the frozen time of seventeens youth

after a few establishing shots of seventeen being cute, we see mingyu putting flowers in a bottle, labelled as chamomile and marigold. I'm no flower expert, but a quick google search says that chamomile can represent rest and peace, as well as rebirth (another possible foreshadowing) while yellow marigolds represent the sun (another sun motif!!), optimism, and joy

i may not be interpreting the meanings fully accurately as both can have multiple meanings from what I found, but just interesting things to note that i think fit within the narrative!

the next interesting scene to me is woozi plugging in an aux cord(?) to the teddy bear's heart. tbh i have no idea what this means, but since this happens right before vernon bursts in with his revelation i feel like it might be significant. it's also worth noting that you can see all the teddy bears lined up in a different scene and there are 13 of them. which might have more significance or might just be a fun easter egg!

next we get this iconic scene of vernon telling the rest of the members that they don't have shadows (you can see the plants shadow, but not the hands of joshua or vernon holding it). there are also three words written on the ground: belief, real, remember. in the sunlit portion, you can also see the word "fear" highlighted among the other words

this is possibly a reference to seventeens "shadows" as the shadows were confirmed to be a representation of their inner struggles that they feared

we then see hoshi pick up a shard of the broken glass, his eye visible in the reflection. he seems shocked by something and drops the shard. i believe this is our first glimpse at the "mirror dimension" (more on this in a bit)

we next see jun uncovering this mural on the wall, which seems to be a prophecy of some kind. to the left of jun you see seventeen frolicking and being happy. next is seventeen entering the church with a large sun hanging overhead. then the scene we'll get at the end of the MV of seventeen falling into the shadow/mirror dimension.

it's interesting to note what looks like a bird with a crown on its head, we'll likely learn more about this and the final scene on the mural in the next MV for the full album. but there are actually quite a few black birds that can be seen flying overhead in various shots, including the beginning scene where vernon is sunbathing. there are also birds flying overhead in the first scene of the mural. their role is subtle in this MV, but i wonder if they'll play a larger role later

i won't provide a screenshot since there's an image limit and i want to keep this in one post, but after this jun goes to the bathtub and pulls out a wooden box with yet another sun on it, inside of the box is what looks like a pocket watch. also potential foreshadowing to the next MV

we then get several interesting scenes in a row. the church is trashed, woozi looking at his reflection in a mirror in the church, his shadow growing behind him. then the smiley faces on the wall of the home start "bleeding" as jeonghan also wipes dirt away to look at himself in a mirror. we see jeonghan's reflection is bruised. this is the same jeonghan we see at the end of the MV, after seventeen have fallen. seventeen are seeing their mirror/shadow dimension selves in their reflection

this is further shown during the bridge, where both minghao and jun see a mirror reflection of themselves. jun reaches out to his and it shatters, creating a burst of color

the red pin shatters. images flash in and out as seventeen look at their shadows on the wall followed by a dr. strange style shot of joshua and his shadow/mirror self in their respective dimensions. time has started moving again as the shadows have grown and a new story of seventeen begins

we then get the thumbnail shot of Vernon holding the red glowy thing. this is possibly the red pin in the clock that shattered, but it looks to be a bit too big for that, so it may also be something that gets properly introduced in the next video

next everything starts falling apart thanos snap style and seventeen falls into the mirror/shadow dimension, as seen in the mural before

we also get this shot of wonwoo and an eclipse. i assume we'll learn more about wonwoo's role in the next MV, but the eclipse is very fitting. the shadow is overtaking their sun. the sun has been used as a motif to symbolize seventeens happiness and youth throughout the MV, with the shadows representing their inner fears, which have now taken over

on the left side of this shot of the shadow world, there's a sign that once again references the word fear. "fear is [...]ming". my first thought was "fear is timing" because of all the clocks we'd seen, but i saw someone else speculate that it says "fear is coming", which perhaps makes more sense

in the next MV it looks like we'll see seventeen confronting their shadows (and their fears), so we'll just have to wait and see what answers the rest of the story brings us!

there are some small details here and there i failed to mention like other book titles, which pretty much just help set up the themes of youth and growing up or are Peter Pan references, etc.

i also didn't mention the blindfold game in the wheat field because I'm honestly not sure what it means. I'm tempted to say it's just showing another way seventeen are happy together, like them eating breakfast. but there does seem to be some significance to some of the members taking off the blindfold to find that they're alone?

I'm also not sure if there's any significance to the suits on the chairs in the church, it seems like an odd detail, but none of the "characters" in the MV interact with them in any meaningful way, so it may just be for aesthetics. or maybe it's a peter pan reference i don't remember!

in any case, although i may not have covered every detail, that covers my analysis of the darl+ing music video! see you all again in may for the full album release! ^^

[urcuteharrington]

hi, I just saw your post asking for some requests. Maybe if you can do a Steve angst but with a little bit of fluff? 💛💛

forgotten?☁️🕊

summary-steve seemed to have forgotten you when nancy came into the picture

word count-1.8k

warnings-fighting and cursing

a/n-i really hope you guys enjoyed this because it took me so long to write but i appreciate you all and i’m so glad to be back 🤍

masterlist

huge thanks to @angsty-plots for giving me ideas for new angst plots<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

steve and i were good friends that was until he started dating nancy wheeler. it use to be steve and i doing everything together hanging out at each others houses, long car rides , going to tommy’s parties , and now he forgot all about me. i knew steve had a crush on ever since the beginning... i saw the way he looked at her when she would walk past him , i saw the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about her or whenever she was around. it use to be steve, tommy, carol, and i hanging out at lunch everyday but i was soon replaced when steve asked nancy to go to his house for a hangout with carol and tommy since his parents were out of town. that night he only invited me out of pity and i saw the subtitle flirting between the two and it made me sick. i walked barb that night to the bathroom after she sliced her thumb trying to open a beer can.” i know steve has gauze and bandages somewhere here ill look just keep your hand under the water” i tell her. that night i saw nancy and steve go into his room and i knew what was going to happen and i couldn’t bare being their for it. I said my goodbye to barb wishing her a safe ride home and went on my way. remembering that night i cried my heart out wondering why steve never expressed interest in me.

That was months ago now it’s around october and it was tommy’s halloween bash. i wasn’t going to go but i decided that it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. i knew i was going to see steve their with nancy but i still went even if it was going to hurt seeing my best friend who forgot i even existed. I go dressed up as (whatever you want) and grab my keys getting ready to head off to the party. pulling up to the house i already see drunk teens walking around with their heels in hand or wobbling around. i walk in and head over to the kitchen and try to grab a drink of spiked punch. while pouring i look over and see them... steve and nancy dancing to the beat of the music. a sudden wave of sadness hit and i decided to take a sip of the punch feeling the alcohol run down my throat.

minutes pass and i decided to stay in the kitchen since i felt like it was my best bet to not run into them while on the dance floor. watching the drunken teens flirting and stumbling their words amused on how quickly the punch could get someone drunk.then i saw her , the girl who stole my best friend from me and the boy i loved. nancy walked into the kitchen and grabbed more cups of the spiked punch , one after another i was able to see her get completely shitfaced in the ,mater of only a few minutes. steve came looking for nancy and they got into a fight and i watched intensely. watching as the punch spilled all over her while sweater my mouth opened a jar shocked at how messy everything was getting. watching her and steve storm over to the bathroom. moments later i move to the living room near the front door and suddenly get shouldered by steve who seemed furious and watching jonathan rush to the bathroom. i decided to stay a little longer since the party was still going strong.

a few days later i noticed that steve and nancy were slowly falling out since he wasn’t visiting her at school anymore and her and jonathan seemed to have gotten closer. they seemed to be done and whatever was said in that bathroom must have been bad. i decided to go to steve’s house and check up on him, even if we weren’t friends anymore i didnt want to see him go through something like a breakup alone. knocking on his front door i waited anxiously wondering if i was making the wrong choice. “ hey how can i- oh hi y/n. i didnt uh expect you to be here?” steve says opening the door confused. “ i know steve but i wanted to talk to you” i say as he walks me to his room to talk.” hey i was actually gonna go out and apologize to nancy so if you can come and help me pick something out for her” my heart sank i haven’t talked to him in months and he already brought her up. not a hey how are you or a i miss you nothing its always about her i think to myself. “ oh i actually came to talk to you about something “ “ shoot” he says.” why did you stop talking to me” silence filled the room 1...2...3 minutes passed waiting for him to say something anything” steve you left me for nancy and i dont get what i did for you to sto talking to me. i understand shes your girlfriend but shit i didnt think you’d completely forget about me” i say standing up from his bed looking at him with sadness in my eyes.” i-i thought you didn’t want to hang out with us anymore y/n i didnt notice at first i i’m so sorry” he says guilt in his voice.” i feel like i lost the only person i truly cared about and and you were my friend and now you don’t even look my way steve how could you not notice me not being their... how did you not notice me not their at your basketball games cheering you on or the long car rides we would have just blasting music or going to tommy’s parties and taking turns getting shit faced. tell me steve is it me was i just not who you wanted to be around anymore was she my replacement because i saw it since the beginning” chocking on my words i hold back my tears. i didnt want to cry but eventually it fell and my vision blurred with tears.” y/n i never ment to make you feel that way and i am so sorry i guess i just got so caught up in nancy and i didnt notice you slowly leave and i i just feel terrible “ steve looked at me finally realizing how much he affected me and how much pain he caused me. “steve if you didnt want to be friends anymore you could have just told me you really hurt me” i say to him not daring to look him in the eyes.”i-i” is all he could say” you know what steve a simple hey i dont think we should be friends anymore its not your fault i just think we should go our own ways would have been nice” i say to him walking past him” you know thanks for being my friend for so many years but i cant be friends with someone who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore” i say as i walk out the door and walk back home since it was only a few houses down.steve not moving just in shock realizing that he was the reason why he lost his best friend.

days past and steve found out that nancy liked jonathan and accepted it telling her its okay and like that they broke up. driving around i felt a wave of sadness hit when the song steve and i would listen to while blasting music. tears spill down my face as i drive home. once i make it home i calm myself down and wash up when i suddenly hear the doorbell go off. walking over i open the door seeing the infamous billy hargrove “ hey their doll face i was wondering if you’ve seen my little sister max i know that you tutor some of her friends so i was wondering if you could help me figure out where the byers house is” he says licking his lips seductively “ yeah i could take you their and help you look for your little sister just let me grab my stuff “ i say looking at him.” after getting to the byers house i stay in the car until i see steve walk out confused at why he is their. everything happened so fast punches were thrown and now i’m driving the kids to this random area in hawkins. steve wakes up and sees me driving confused at how he ended up in this situation. getting to the destination steve and i talk while the kids grab everything. in the car they explained everything that happened in thus far with el , will, the upsidown , and etc. “ we broke up” steve says looking at me “ what why are you okay” even if we weren’t close anymore i didnt want him to feel like he had no one. “ she likes jonathan and the night of the party she called our relationship bullshit and i accepted it since i-“ dustin cuts him off by yelling at him how we didnt have enough time.

getting the kids out of the tunnels one by one steve was just about to help me up when he grabbed onto me tightly in a protective matter when the demo dogs ran toward us. watching as they ran past us he told me” i lost you once and i’m not gonna lose you again”getting out of the tunnels i was able to fully process everything that happened and once el closed the gate and steve and i were finally alone he broke the silence “ i love you y/n i never ment to hurt you and i’m sorry.” speechless i sit their “ steve i know you loved nan-“ he cuts me off “ after our first fight i knew she loved jonathan and i guess i couldn’t believe it till she called our relationship bullshit and i love you so much y/n and it was stupid of me to not tell you earlier” “ i love you too steve but what you did hurt me i mean you completely forgot about me” “ i know y/n but could you give me a second chance i’ll make it up to you... could i take you on a date and patch everything up” i really didn’t want to forgive him but i couldn’t just abandon him because i needed him i loved him and he loved me “ i would love that steve “ i say looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile plastered on my face.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Not the loukoumi 😂 she just went "ight this fits, it's traditional Greek dessert, will surely earn their respect" and put it in a timeline where it's still supposed to be ancient Greece. At the time, none of those traditional desserts existed, maybe not even in their country of origin (Turkey). And I'm sure both baklava and loukoumi are considered Turkish desserts, the fact that we make them here in Greece as well doesn't mean they're ours. 

2. I didn’t want to believe the comparison that people were making Demeter and Mother Gothal refrences until I saw a post on my feed. As a person who saw Tangeld, Tangled Ever After, and saw bits of pieces of Tangled the series, I can confirm that DEMETER IS NOTHING LIKE MOTHER GOTHAL!!! DEMETER DIDNT ABANDON HER ACTUAL CHILD, DIDNT STEAL PERSEPHONE FROM HER REAL PARENTS, GASLIGHT HER FOR ALL HER LIFE, DIDNT USE PERSEPHONE FOR HER ABILITY AND HELL SHE DIDNT USE PERSEPHONES LOVE ONES AGAINST HER!!! Demeter as the one who knew and grew with the other gods didn’t want her daughter to be harmed or used by them ESPECIALLY now we all know that Hades isn’t giving up anything for Persephone in their “relationship”. In the myth, she mourned for her daughter, caused the seasons to change, and only wanted her daughter back after being legitimately kidnapped!! In LO, she knew her daughter didn’t have any fucking control on her emotions or powers yet!! Yes she did put pressure BUT with the circumstances that are now placed in the story SHE WANTED HER DAUGHTER SAFE AND SOUND!!! She even let her go live in OLYMPUS, TRUSTING Artemis, and was kept out of the fuvking loop!! Only to find out that Persephone ran, lived with Hades, and Hades is in love with her daughter WHO MET HER WHEN SHE BARELY HAD ANY CLOTHES ON!! How is Demeter and Mother Gothal the same?!! Please go back to the movies and series and compare the two characters again!!! This makes me so pissed after learning this like WTFFF?!! 

3. It seems like RS is starting to realize her mistake in making Apollo and Demeter antagonistic - so she’s trying to make up for it by giving them redemption arcs. I think. It might be too early to tell right now but that does seem like that’s where it’s going.

For Demeter I feel it can work. While RS has been avoiding telling her story for so long, there are still hints of Demeter being a good mother, just flawed - so at least there’s something to work with. We’ve only seen Persephone’s side of things - so finally showing Demeter’s side and having her recognize her wrong choices while raising Persephone, then apologizing to her, should honestly be enough to get her out of the hole. Still not good writing to avoid Demeter’s perspective for so long (and make her abusive in the first place), but it could still work.

As for Apollo - that’s a lot more difficult. RS has dug a pretty deep hole for him and that’s gonna be tough to drag him out of. His perspective should’ve been hinted at much earlier in the story to really accomplish a nuanced take - instead of making him a obsessive over Persephone to the point of becoming cartoonishly evil. Redemption for a R*pist is not an easy task and RS hasn’t been taking the right steps to make it easier for herself.

4. I'm going to say this about the comic book: For me, the reason it did poorly was honestly because it was a reprint of things that were there for free. Why would people pay for something that's already on the internet for free? Especially with 5.8 MILLION people reading it, there's a good chance that many already knew at last what partially happened. Not to mention, most people already know the Persephone  and Hades, so most don't read the same thing over again. That's just my take

5. LO just has no sense of what it wants to be. It starts out as a YA romance, then a coming of age story, but then a murder mystery? and now a police drama? and an epic of good versus evil but also a goofy comedy? I'm not saying RS can't try to tell these type of stories, but those could be saved for other comics and not shoved into what was supposed to be a simple romance. TBH it only makes the romance drowned out & even distracting when it tries to focus on it over the everything else going on.

6. For the "Hebe will stay forever a child" anon: Hebe is the goddess / personification of Youth and she was always depicted as a young woman (maybe also a teenager). It's weird to make this work for the LO concept but it's possible we won't see her become very "grown"

7. At this point, I doubt Demeter is going to cause the great famine. I wouldn’t put it passed Smythe to just give that to Persephone because why not. I wouldn’t be surprised. Persephone is so OP might as well make her create winter too. I hope I’m wrong. 

8. the fact hades (who still sees to think it was her choice to do so) shamed persephone for being celibate and told her outright he could NEVER have a wife who wasnt always sexually available to him is so?? fucked up?? like even if there wasnt the virginity plotline, what if persephone just doesnt want to have sex at the same time he does? does she have to force herself into a situation she doesnt want to appease him and his temper? because that doesnt exactly scream "caring husband" now does it?

From OP: That was one of the things I hated during their phone call. The “a wife who’s taken a vow of celibacy isn’t for me”line is just so bad with context. Especially since it was right after her assault.

9. low how this "feminist narrative" is now using leto to excuse a man's sexual abuse and use one of the first women introduced to be used as a new "twist" villain to excuse persephone committing mass murder. love that!

From OP: I don’t think that’s the case (excusing what he did) but the fact that Leto spoiling him might have anything to do with what he did to Persephone isn’t a good look.

10. i wish webtoons knew its very obvious when the numbers of lo are going down because they NEVER put them on banner unless its underperforming in some way and they need to pump it up. case in point, they only put the book ad back up when it came out the sells werent as good as they were hoping, and now its been on banner for two days straight  despite it not being an "event" episode. the marketing team is so unsubtle with stuff like this. maybe the fas are bored of this trial plot line too?

[rated-thoughts]

Hellloooo! I love love love your page! Is there a way you can write a Yuto smut? He’s daddy asfff.

Hiiii! Omg its been ages since I last posted here but since im back in the fandom, i'll present to you a Yuto smut as a comeback ^^

Please enjoy this short Adachi Yuto smut 😈

TW: degrading and edging

****

It's been a year since you last saw your boyfriend. You understand that it's because he's an idol but you still can't help but to miss him so badly and wish he never entered the kpop industry so you can keep him by your side. But what can you do? It's his dream he's a little kid.

As you patiently wait for his call, you heard your mom call you to eat dinner. Since there's an unspoken rule in your house that no gadgets are allowed in the dining table, you decided to just leave your phone on your bed.

"What's for dinner, Mo—" your eyes widen when you saw your boyfriend, Yuto, beaming at you. Literally brightening the whole dining with his smile.

"Yuki-san," he called while walking near you "how are you?" he continued, still with a wide smile plastered on his face.

Too overwhelmed with emotion, you just hugged him tight. Earning a chuckle from the younger.

"Yuto, when did you arrive?" you said, cupping his face in your hands. "You should have told me you'll be coming home so that I could have waited for you at the airport."

He chuckles again. "Then that would have ruined the surprise, silly." You mom answered for him. You knew your father's disappearance early that day was suspicious.

"Now, I know you miss each other but I'm hungry. Can we please eat now?" everyone laughed at what your father said.

The dinner went well, it's filled with laughter as Yuto share what have happened in the last year he stayed in Korea. He said they finally had their first win and how many people recognize them now.

Your parents went home after dinner, saying they'll just visit again after a week and that you two should enjoy your time together before Yuto comes home to his family.

~~~~~~

You stared lovingly at your boyfriend as he sat on your bed. Soaking in his presence, making sure you're not dreaming.

"You know there will be a big hole in my face by tomorrow if you don't stop staring at me" and that made you come to your senses.

"Well I'm sorry sir but I just miss you very much. I've been waiting for you to call all day since I know you don't have any schedule." you jokingly throw a small stuff plushie and then rolled your eyes on him.

"Oh, you were waiting for my call, huh?" he smirked, and you definitely know what he meant with that.

You turned red and his smirk grew bigger.

"Of course, I wanted to see your face and hear your voice." you stood up from the bed, walking to your big glass window. The city lights twinkles, lighting up the busy roads.

Getting distracted with the cars and people, you didnt realize that Yuto got up from the bed. He gently kissed your exposed shoulder, sending shivers down your spine.

"I miss you." he whispered. "I miss you so bad." his kisses are light as a feather as he move to your neck.

"I miss you too." you said back, almost breathless.

He made you face him, too impatienly. You lost your balance but he caught you. Pinning you now on the window, kissing you too aggressively.

Your apartment's on the 8th floor, not that high from the ground that its possible that if you have sex with him right there, people will see you. With that thought on mind, aroused you even more.

As he move to kiss your neck and leave his love marks, he didnt even bother to remove your shirt. He carelessly tries to remove your pants. Too desparate to think properly.

You help him with his pants too, unbulking amd unbottoning it in a swift move.

When he moaned in your mouth from being free, you took that chance to let your tongue inside his mouth. Accidentally biting on his lower lip when he inserted two fingers inside you.

"Oh fuck." he hissed, licking the part where you bit him. "I'm sorr— AAAAAAAAAH" you screamed, he didn't even let you finish apologizing when he pumped his fingers inside you fast.

"What the fuck did I tell you about biting me?" he looked angry. "I— I'm sorry! I didn't mean to. Please." you said, voice shaking.

When he felt your walls tightening around his fingers, he slowed down. Earning a whimper of dissatisfaction from you.

"How could you forget that? Was it because you have been punished?" he continues with his slow pace, looking at your face for reaction. He went faster again, slowing down whenever he'll see a satisfied reaction from you.

"Yuto, please." you begged, hoping he's listen to you.

"What did you just call me? Yuto? Who am I if we're alone?" you gulp, you shouldn't have called him by his name especially during times like this.

When he didnt hear any answer from you, he removed his fingers inside of you.

"I guess I should go. If you won't act properly, then what's the point huh?" he started wearing his pants again. You stopped him, grabbing his hands.

"Daddy, please. Don't go. I'll do anything." you said, still holding his hands.

"How can I not go when you're like that? It's like you're forgotten who I am."

"No, please. You're my master. I'll be a good girl, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." tears almost rolled down your eyes while saying that.

Even though you are older than him by 3 years, you are well aware that Yuto likes it when he feels dominant. Especially when it comes to this type of situation. He likes to be praised how good he is and how you'll do anything to satisfy him.

He smirked, a thought playing in his head.

"Why don't you removed your shirt and press yourself on the window? Show how much of a whore you are. Show them what you wsnt me to do to you." he sat down on your bed again, watching your every move.

You sighed when the cold air hits your exposed nipples, hardening visibly.

You faced the window again, pressing your upper body on the glass and spreading your legs apart.

Yuto can see your ass hole as you spread your ass cheeks apart before proceeding to play with your pussy.

He unconciously licks his lips, feeling out of breath.

You screaming his name, when you inserted three fingers inside you. Yuto was amazed at how wet you look. Pumping three fingers inside you with ease.

You repeatedly call him daddy, really feeling yourself.

His pants are now too tight for his liking so he just decided to come behind you and pressed his clothed cock on your area. He's humping even in the slightest collision. Your soft moans are too much for him that he impatiently freed himself, immediately thrusting into your wet cavern.

You screaming because of how sudden he entered you, you bet your neighbors heard you.

His thrusts are fast and deep. As if he's trying to reach a certain part inside of you.

"Daddy, please. Harder." with that, he slowed down but his thrusts are harder. You can feel the window glass almost vibrate from the impact.

"Open your eyes, look down below. People can see how much of a slut you are." he said as he grabs your hair. You just replied with a moan.

"Whose slut are you? Huh? Who owns you and your filthy body?" you didn't answer, instead you just moaned louder. "Fucking asnwer me you bitch." his fasten his pace and even hsrder than earlier pinned you more on the window.

"Yours! I'm— am fucking yours! I am Adachi Yuto's." you moaned screamed. "You'll always be my daddy and I am your little slut" with that Yuto felt your walls tighten around his cock.

He slowed down his pace again, making you cry. "Please, I'm cumming. Let me cum, pleade." You begged but he didnt listen. He just continue fucking you slow but harder. His low grunts adding to how horny you are.

One last hard thrust before he went crazy. His pace is almost animal like and both of you are a moaning mess.

Almost at the same time, both of you came. Yuto not stopping to ride your high, making you continuesly scream his name and ask him to stop.

When he felt his last seeds inside you, he finally stopped. He let his cock rest inside you as he kiss your back. Feeling your chest go up and down in a steady breathing pace.

After a few seconds, he pulled himself out of you. He picked you up bridal style and laid you down on your bed.

He lays next to you and smiled at your lovingly. "I'm sorry if I was too rough. I love you." you shook your head and peaked his lips.

"It's okay. I missed you so much and I love you more." he kissed your forehead and pulled you closer to hug you tighter.

******

The end.

Omg, it's longer than what I expected but please tell me what you think. It's been a while since i last written especially smut so I am rusty asf.

[staycult]

highschool!hyunjin as your boyfriend

pairing — gender neutral reader x hyunjin

genre — fluff / bullet scenario

word count — idk maybe 600-700

enjoy!

ok so

u both met bcs of the same class

since u were a new student, he got assigned to tour you around the campus

bcs he's a goody two shoes

"hyunjin, by the way." he said as he gave u a light smile,

you being a shy bean u are, just gave him a nod

he took the hint and started to walk with you following him behind

he opened a big door for you and motioned u to go inside

the smell of old books and the sound of typing devoured your senses

"this is the library, quite old but still does it's job" he said while looking around

you love libraries a lot

"it's nice" you finally spoke, fiddling w/ ur fingers a bit

"[y/n], sorry i didnt answer you earlier"

he smiled at your sudden burst of bubble

"so that's basically it for the facilities" he said while stopping infront of you

the bell rang and a whole lot of students went out of their rooms

"hey you should go with us for lunch" he said half confidently

"if you want to, that's what i meant" he added.

since you dont have that much friends, you decided to go along

you entered the cafeteria and was greeted with hyunjin's friends

7 other boys greeted you with a smile as well as 5 other girls. you have grown close with them in a matter of minutes especially the girls. as it was to go home, hyunjin offered to walk you home. the awkward tension between you two disappeared. it became a routine for the both of you to walk home together since he lives a block away from you.

finals came in and you were cramming your eyes off in the library

as you were looking for the book you needed, you stumbled upon yeji and hyunjin

who were facing each other while studying

not gonna lie it was an eye sore to see

yeji is one of your closest friends so you shrugged it off because they had always been close

but this time, it felt different

like you were hurt?

you picked up your book and turned around to find your own seat

"pst! hey [y/n]!" a familiar voice called out

"come sit with us!" yeji whisper-shouted

so u did

it felt awkward for some reason and you rlly didnt know why

you guys had always been close, why now?

yeji had this smirk on her face

while hyunjin was side eyeing her

she let out a snort "hey i have a class in 5 see you both later at lunch!" she said waving off

he cleared his throat and turned his attention towards you

"so, i found this cool coffee shop where you can write in the walls, do you want to come after finals?" he asked

you felt a butterfly run wild in your stomach

what is this feeling?

"i would love to" you smiled

both of you ordered a large smoothie each in the coffee shop and bought markers before hand. hyunjin was scribbling all over the walls. the coffee shop was full of names and quotes written by customers. you brought out your marker and wrote, [y/n] was here <3 in different colors. "jinnie, why are you drawing circles?" you chuckled.

"i-uh im making a puzzle." he said while closing his marker cap. "really? let me see!" you exlaimed. he took in a deep breath and showed you the puzzles. "all you have to do is to make a sentence out of the circled words or symbols" he explained. "words that was written by other customers you mean?" you snorted. he rolled his eyes, "just do it!"

you have gathered the a "👍🏼", "👁" and a "you"

confusion took over you as you observed the circled words. "i like you?" you asked hyunjin. "i like you too." he replied. it took you a while to realize what it meant. "for real?"

"for real." he replied seriously. a blush crept up to your face, did he really just confess? "oh god im sorry" he panicked. "it's okay if you dont like me back i shouldnt have listened to yeji let's forget this happened-"

you cut him off by giving him a hug. he went stiff at your sudden skinship but eventually hugged you back. "you silly, of course i like you too." you said as you burried your head into is chest. "for REAL real." u chuckled.

"i thought you liked yeji" you said in a low voice as you pulled away. "what? she's like my sister from another mother." he said, grossed out. "she helped me out into confessing.." he added while ruffling his hair.

"well, it worked." you claimed as he pulled you in for another hug.

boyfriend hyunjin claims that he's not clingy

well that's a lie

he's not much into pda

but he loves holding your hand whenever he has the chance

like below the tables during class

or in the library while studying

you guys are lowkey, but not a secret

coffee shop dates!

any kind of date really

he loves taking pictures of you

and posting it on his insta

back hugs and sleeping on your lap kind of love

being successful together in terms of career and school is his number 1 goal

he's very supportive!!! will literally shout whenever it's your turn in debates

"PERIOD! that's my baby!" he would clap loudly even though by now youre embarrased as hell

will give you flowers everytime u meet u go on a date

love notes!!!!!

kisses are passionate and loves to rub your back while doing so

he would get very shy after

LOVES TO PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR

never forgets to reassure you whenever you doubt yourself

"im here baby, always."

"i love you, i'll always will."

needless to say, he is the best boyfriend out there.

[btssavedmylifeblr]

I forgot to send on my voting story. Ok so my brother and I both got mail in ballots, and let me tell you how we both forgot to mail it in so we just thought to bring them to our voting location. The lady there kinda yelled at us? She was confused and didn't know how to go about it. And honestly I just took it because we were the idiots who didn't mail in our ballots. We had to rip them up and they just us new ones to fill out in person and submit. Not exciting, but a story for void snippet. 👀

Anonymous said: Hi!! I'm so excited for void! I voted today around 30 minutes before the polls closed in my neighborhood because I had to wait for my dad and brother to get home from work since they wanted to go all together hehe. It was a pretty fast process! We just pressed buttons on screens (compared to last election where we had to bubble in everything by hand) plus, I got to keep the stylus that they gave us and it works on phones too! 🥰🥰 Thank you! I love your writing so much 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: I did mine through mail me and my husband did and we went to the post office a little while back and then he took us on a nice little date afterward and we got ice cream! Also I love void💖 keep up the good work

Anonymous said: VOTES FOR VOID??? I love democracy and I love VOID! So since May I've (temporarily) moved back home from New York to Indiana RE: covid; I've voted absentee for the both the primaries and presidential election (I'm still in IN rn...blah). I voted early and mailed in my ballot for the presidential election (about 3 weeks ago). Made sure my family was voting (brother mailed it in, mom dropped off a ballot, and dad did early voting) and encourage them to put up a Biden sign in our yard <3

Anonymous said: HI BEE! I ALSO VOTED TODAY! IM 21 SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION (my 18th bday didnt make the cutoff since im a december bday) im so happy to have done my part! I made sure to study up on the judges and policies and everything! Luckily the polling place didn't have a line so i was able to get in, get my ballot, and fill it in right away! I even dragged my mom and cousin to come with me. I made a joke on snapchat to encourage my friends to vote too. It was a pic of my "i voted" sticker with a caption saying "omg youre so sexy when you vote aHaha" -🦙

Anonymous said: this is my first time doing this so, so i hope i’m sending this correctly! i voted early in late september by mail! i live in a swing state, so it’s really important for me to vote and not waste time!! bc of my age, this is my first time voting so i’m really nervous 😅

Anonymous said: I voted by email! I'm overseas so I wasn't sure if my ballot would actually make it through in time, so I decided to go electronically. Had to sign a waiver saying I understand that my vote won't be anonymous but I haven't been given a reason to suspect voter suppression/fraud in my state, so I'm happy I think...!

Anonymous said: hi, i voted early on oct 24th. my absentee ballot didn't come in, so i had to travel back home to vote (~3 hour drive). when we got there, there was a ton of people outside the polling place, but no lines, so i was in and out pretty quick. it was my first time voting, so i had all the candidates i was voting for written down on a tiny receipt so i wouldn't forget 😅. my mom was with me, so she voted too. took a pic with my sticker (mask on for extra covid-ness) and went home. drove back the next afternoon!

whippedforkook said: Hi Bee. 💕 I voted in early October - nearly a month ago! 😱 It’s been really weird with all the lead up to the election because it felt like it should have been done once I cast my ballot! A lot of my friends have volunteered to get out the vote: writing postcards to voters, texting, phone banking, working the polls, curing ballots. I didn’t volunteer at all this year, but I hope that all of my friends’ hard work and everyone else’s is enough. I’m also hoping and praying that I will be in a better place mentally for 2022 so that I too can volunteer. Our work starts with 2020 not ends. 💕 Wishing you well. 💕

begineuphoria said: I went and voted last Friday as it was our last early voting day. No way was I going to wait until today with the crowds of people in my area that still act as if masks are somehow infringing on their rights. 🙄 It was a rather normal experience for the most part. Other than having to use a coffee stir stick to press the buttons on the machine to vote. In and out within five minutes.

Anonymous said: I voted down the street at this pretty park this morning. I got up at 5:30 and it was freezing. Luckily I wore like 30 layers and stood outside for 2 hours. Some nasty orange man supporters were rude but everyone else was pretty nice. A really cute older couple was playing soccer with pine cones and kicked it towards me to play too. Not the worst time tbh.

Anonymous said: Did mail-in voting in California! Extremely exhausting and took forever to research all the propositions - they are notoriously tricky in hiding their flaws and one side tends to outrageously outspend the other. But in the end I felt really good about my research and decisions! No need for you to post a snippet for this story - would like to save that to read sometime in the future ;) Thank you so much for doing this!

joonsgotthejuice said: Votes for void??? I am here! I went last Thursday and it was chaotic bc I kept going past the poll place but the line was soooo long so my mom called me and woke me up like "its pouring rain and the line is super short get up I'm gonna pick you up" so thats the story of how I got dressed in 5 minutes and dragged my ass to vote in the rain <3

Anonymous said: i voted early on thursday it was cold and rainy but i went in the late afternoon and thankfully the only waiting i did was a few minutes for an elevator i got very lucky and while waiting for the results is awful the relief that came from voting in general was just great

Anonymous said: Wheeew the polls just closed and I finally got to cast my ballot yayyy ( I was the one working the polls from earlier) it’s been a really really long day and we actually had surprisingly good turnout. I saw a woman try to vote for someone else who claimed to be “helping” and I saw a woman who I’m pretty sure was on some typa something 👀 Overall though I really I’m really thankful for people like you who encouraged people to get out and vote. I hope the odds are in our favor❤️🤞🏼

chelsea-chee said: Hello Bee! Today surprisingly my elderly father wanted to vote so I brought him out with me. He only cared about voting for Biden, which meant I got to help decide who he should vote for with the rest of the candidates and amendments! Say hello to baby bee for me as well! 💖

Anonymous said: Okay I gonna got a chance to vote today and the process wasn’t that bad actually. I went in just now and it wasn’t that busy( thankfully) so no lines. I’m from Texas and it’s gonna be almost impossible to turn this state blue, but every vote counts! I love that you are getting people to vote and also sharing your experiences as well!

owl-orgy said: Dropped off my mail in ballot at a polling location! I originally wanted to vote early in person because I was worried my signature wouldn’t match closely enough but ended up just turning it in and double checked today to make it said “ballot accepted and counted”!

Anonymous said: I voted in person this afternoon, better late than never I guess. I was gonna go last week but then I got cramps from hell. There was no one in line in front of me, I think my county early voted because it was packed everyday the last few weeks

Anonymous said: I voted early a couple weeks ago. Exciting thing though that did happen was I got both my parents to vote for their first time ever.

Anonymous said: I had a mail in vote. So, I filled it out and dropped it in at the ballot box at my library. (I also checked out books for the first time in years, so I had fun!)

bubblyjiminnie said: I literally just finished voting. Lucky for me, the line and wait wasn’t very long, and it was a nice enough day that the short amount of time I had to spend in line outside of the building wasn’t too bad. My social anxiety when it comes to stuff like this tends to be high but that’s what I get for waiting until Election Day instead of going the mail in route. This was only my second time voting, but I’m glad that I did 😊

Anonymous said: I turned my ballot in last week :) I’m not a big fan of crowds and I hate make spur of the moment choices but despite that the first time I was able to vote back in 08 my Mom pressured me into voting in person because “you’d have to experience it at least once in our life”. And ever since then I comfortably vote by mail. I take my time, do all of my research, listen to music, and best of all don’t have to deal with people.

Anonymous said: here in Washington state it’s super easy to vote. I dropped my ballot off in mid-October and it’s already been accounted for! Mail in voting and drop box voting is fantastic and provides equal opportunity and access. Sad to see some people in red states misinforming Americans about it! We also have a referendum for implementing mandatory sex ed, including teaching respect, empathy and consent as part of the curriculum so I was happy to vote yes on that too!

unionrox006 said: I voted about 2 weeks ago by doing a mail in ballot. The other eligible to vote members of my household did the same. We chose to vote by absentee ballot because both my mom and I have an autoimmune disorder, so we have to be careful going out in the pandemic. Tbh, the ballot layout was a bit confusing at first as was all the paperwork and required IDs and documents. But my dad explained it to me and we got them filled out and mailed off. Kinda mad I didn't get a sticker for it though

bluetostone said: Love this and so excited for the next chp of void! I early voted a few weeks ago and because I live in a pretty rural county I was in and out of my polling place in a few minutes. No sticker though 😢. I live in a swing state so it could go either way in terms of delegates. Just praying everyone is safe tonight as the results roll in...though, won't we not know for sure for a couple of days or weeks?

Anonymous said: My mom, sister, and I received our early voting ballots a while ago and I took the longest to fill mine out because it was making me anxious :,( but I did return it before it was due. I checked our ballot statuses and mine and my moms were accepted but my sister’s said they hadn’t received hers back. Then she got another ballot so she filled that one out too and I took it yesterday 👍👍 I think she got two because she changed her address late so they sent two?

vixsynsblog said: Non-interesting voter story: I'm paranoid and live in a highly divided area, so I filed mail-in ASAP, mailed it a few days after cause neighbors are nosy and don't understand boundaries. Was able to track my ballot through my credit company, which was nice. Only thing I was missing was my sticker. Never got one✊😔. So I had to improvise and write it in pen on my disposable mask. I'm working all this week so if riots break out from either side, I'll be at work. Prayers for the safety of others🙏

______

Waaah!!! Thank you all for voting!! You are all my heroes. I am so grateful and proud of you. I’m sorry I ran out of time to respond to you individually. I’m going to drop two big scenes from Chapter 7 in gratitude (one of which will be familiar to my patrons and one won’t). I’m hopeful I will have the whole next chapter out very soon. Love you all!

Void spoilers below the cut.

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think they were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps just by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal. 

There is a calendar reminder waiting for you: Today is chili pepper pollinating day. At least this gives you an excuse to talk to Hoseok. 

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee up against his chest. Hoseok doesn’t look well. He’s got dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…“You don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed. “Um, was I? Yeah.. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor. 

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t. “I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit to rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.” 

You should disgaree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him. 

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if they didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Your chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it. 

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The intital set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant in the line.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than just enjoying the chili peppers, you must admit that this was one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands peridically. Always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off my Hoseok’s derisive snort. 

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, just go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.” 

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.” 

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone of us ever treating you that way. And now you just want all of us to… to… use you like that?”  He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan! I’m in charge!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.”

______

Taehyung finds you in the gym. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling. 

“Hey, so I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.” He fishes awkwardly into his pockets and pulls out his tablet.  Maybe Jimin was right. Is Taehyung going to be the first to take you up on your offer?

You pause your jog on the elliptical machine. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man with those strong eyebrows and that perfect skin. 

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower. 

Taehyung has really nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigating the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It just adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest. 

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing that Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he just going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know its a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now. 

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.” 

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

That surprises Taehyung. He puts down the tablet. “What? Why would he want that?”

This is awkward. “He, um, thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is just as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us…”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

If Taehyung isn’t jealous of Jimin... 

“Taehyung…” He looks up, biting his lip. “What did you mean? Who are you jealous of?” 

Taehyung’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he reaches for his microphone and mutes it. Out of respect, you mute yours as well. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit. 

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter.  But he’s already stripping out of his shirt. The musculature of his back ripples. He hangs the shirt off of the camera to block the rest of the room from view. 

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” His chest is just as attractive as his back and you flush at the sight of it. Mercifully, he zips back into his jumpsuit as he returns to his position in front of the exercise machine. 

“You want them to think we’re having sex?”

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole save the mission with bonobo sex plan.”

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

“You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve just ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.”  There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years. 

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile. 

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us really knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…” 

Your mind flashes back to that moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

“But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really do love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels like that about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.”  You wonder if maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings. 

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…” 

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”  

Taehyung bites his lip. He can’t really argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “He wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You know you could have that with any man on this ship right?”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

The two of you both slump backwards in your seats, mulling over your shared woes.  Taehyung bends down and picks up the tablet again. “So what should I do with this?”

“Obivously, you don’t have to sign it. I should have realized that not everyone would be interested.”

“Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Is it okay if we let him think that for now? At least until I figure out how to tell him the truth?”

“Okay.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. Your phone lights up with a message. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he leaves. 

[myjjbaby]

Can I get one where y/n is kie’s adopted sister&hangs around the pogues?She takes a liking to jj.One day,when they’re swimming at John b’s,she watches jj get out of the water from afar.Kie tells her that she’s not being discreet.He catches her looking.Later that night,she goes down to the dock&helps him clean up.He says that he saw her watching him&asks why.She says that she likes him&he says he likes her too.They kiss&become a couple.Then it gets a little smuttyish.

googly eyes

author’s note - sorry i’ve been a bit awol but i needed a little time to myself but i am trying to come back. wanted to use this new post as an opportunity to thank each and every one of you for 1.5k followers because that still blows my mind. Your kindness and welcoming personalities makes me all the more excited to continue writing for you so i really cannot thank you enough. keep your eye out for a celebratory blurb night to celebrate!! and yes i will respond to my messages sorry about that :)) i didnt go v smuttyish im sorry.

synopsis - requested by @bearr12! Kie’s sister is JJ’s not so secretive secret admirer.

warnings - 1.2k of fluff and terrible writing lol also poc!reader because my masterlist is really whitewashed as i hope to continue writing more diverse posts in the future lovies

“Admiring the view, are we?”

You whipped your head to stare down Kie, your sister, sending a shock of whiplash down your spine. It was no surprise that you were staring at your blonde friend, ogling JJ’s toned arms as he pulled himself up onto the boat with marsh water dripping along his perfect golden skin. He was literally too pretty not to admire.

“Kie, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, okay,” you glared her down, “m ‘just saying you aren’t exactly discreet, babe.”

Rolling your eyes at the girl, you turned back to the view and like magnets your gaze zeroed in on JJ’s beautiful self. You swore he did it on purpose, large, ring-clad fingers running through his hair as his stomach became taut with muscle from his movements.

You knew he could catch your eye at any moment but, in all honesty, that would not be the worst thing to happen in your friendship. You had been admiring the handsome boy for a while now. JJ was aware of the looks, you were sure, sending a playful wink as your cheeks flushed red. It was hard to be quiet about the literal angel that Maybank was.

Time was good on him, anyone could see that. The blonde had gone from a short, scrawny fifth grader to a well filled out, grown guy. You let yourself look over at him again, eyes hungrily taking in every section of his defined form.

“Everyone okay to head back?”

Lowering your eyes to your lap, you try ignoring the heat rising to your face and the goosebumps as JJ approached you.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Yeah, Pops needs me home.”

“When does Heyward not need you home, Pope?”

You slapped his thigh lightly for that comment which, of course, JJ just pecked your cheek and you forgot about the whole thing.

“Shut it, JJ.”

You smirked, high fiving John B as the sky blue eyed boy pouted at you. You giggled before pinching his cheeks and laying a head on his shoulder. Kiara was sending you a raised eyebrow that was joyfully ignored as JJ’s sunkissed arms wrapped around you tightly. The two of you stayed like that for the rest of the boat ride, cuddled into each other, chuckling as the older boy whispered pickup lines in your ear.

“Hey babe, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘u’ and ‘i’ together.”

“Oh my god JJ, will it ever end?”

“Here’s the finale,” he pulled you back into his chest as your friends unloaded the old motorboat, “do you believe in love at first sight — or do you need me to walk by again?”

“J, that one was-”

“A masterpiece?”

“The worst one yet, to be honest.”

Shaking your head at his idiocy, you climbed out of the boat and started walking towards the chateau, a slightly high, blonde on your tail.

“Wait.”

You turned back to John B who had an unamused look on his face but a teasing glint in his eye. The brunette always had something up his sleeve, especially to torture you and your love for the boy currently wrapped around you.

“Y/N, can you and JJ clean up the dock? Payback for slacking when we were packing up earlier?”

“Um, yeah, sure.”

You didn’t know whether to curse his name or send him a gift basket as the brunette walked up the lawn, leaving you and your infatuation alone, together. JJ seemed to not care about the extra labor as he approached you, wrapping a warm arm around you and walking back towards the dock. You played with his long, ring-clad fingers, the ones pressed into your tummy, admiring the contrast between his golden skin and your mahogany tones.

“Whatcha’ thinking about?”

Your eyes snapped up to find his back to you as he collected the trash strewn around the ‘HMS Pogue.’ You had settled on the little bench JJ had made a few years back.

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

You hummed, looking up to catch his gaze aimed at you. His familiar playful smirk was now substituted for a soft, endearing look. This one was reserved for you, you were sure, JJ always wanted to know everything about and he knew most things, but not this.

“J…”

“Baby,” he was now kneeling between your thighs, strong thumb holding your chin so you’d have to look at him, “I hate it when you keep something from me.”

“It’s nothing, I swear.”

“Baby-”

“Drop it.”

JJ stared up at you with earnest blue eyes. You were so close to cracking and telling him how you couldn’t help but fall for him, it’s not like he made it easy to not. His grip dropped from your face, palming your dark-skinned hand in his instead.

“Shouldn’t we get back to cleaning?”

Your voice was light, cautious as you tried to control your racing heartbeat, smiling down at him and trying to lift some of the tension. He shrugged it off before gazing back at you.

“I want to talk to you, actually.”

Your heart stopped.

“About what?”

“Me and you.”

“What about us?”

He smiled cheekily before leaning up towards you, hands settling on either side of your body. The tip of his nose almost brushing yours and his familiar minty gum breath caressing against your toned, brown skin.

“I see your staring, doll.”

You dropped your eyes, heat flushing under the apples of your cheeks. Just like Kiara said, you weren’t subtle and now it’s nipping you in the ass. You could hear JJ chuckle next to your ear.

“I like making you blush up close.”

“Something wrong with seeing me flustered from far away?”

“Want to admire you, baby.”

Your eyes traveled up the spanse of his body, holding back a soft whimper when you noticed how close he was. Lips brushing against yours as he smiled. He took your breath away, like always.

“JJ? What’re you doing?”

“Kissing the girl I like.”

You didn’t have the chance to process his words before his lips were clasped to yours. His rough fingertips pressed into your cheeks as he held your face close to his. Your eyes fluttered shut and your noses bumped together when you tugged his closer by his broad shoulders.

Tracing shapes along the dark, smooth skin across your waist, JJ slipped down to the underside of your legs. A giggle escaped your lips amidst a sigh that he pulled from your throat. He lifted you up into his arms like a feather while you gripped at his soft, blonde waves, unable to get close enough to him. He pulled away slightly and chuckled as you careened closer to his touch. Pecking your lips slightly, his flushed face pressed against yours.

“Took you long enough.”

“Don’t lie, you liked my little show.”

“‘Mmm,” you hummed before pressing a chaste kiss to his pink pout, “like this more though.”

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