#i wanted to make it more whumpy but wasn’t sure how

[pixelatedraindrops]

Yuma Month: Day 24: Mirror

A mysterious and fateful first encounter…?

[officeofcommanderfox]

Hello there! 🤩

I am sooo happy for this event, thank you so much for it! 😍

I would like to request something a bit whumpy/angsty with the prompts 36 and 48 🥺

Thank yoouuu 🥰🦊

Thank you so much for sending in your prompt! Here's the next chapter!!

The Commander and the Civvie, Chpt. 4

Fic Main | Previous Chapter

Pairing: Commander Fox x female reader

Rating: T (Teen)

Warnings: Mentions of violence and attempted murder, hospital situation, injuries, coma

Prompt 36. “You know you can always talk to me.”

Prompt 48. “I don’t want you to die.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You never meant for any of this to happen. 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Why? Why did your life have to be the one that was so messed up? Why was it you had to suffer the consequences? And now it wasn't even you, but the Commander. Maybe if you had warned him sooner. Maybe if you had opened up when he asked… 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

As though being in the ICU wasn’t bad enough, the chair provided in the GAR medical facility was not conducive for having visitors. It was probably the most uncomfortable seat you've ever sat in. However no matter what anyone said, you refused to leave the Commander's side. After all, he was there because of you, he took the shot that was meant for you.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t look away from his fragile state. He looked so different from the Marshall Commander you’d come to know. Seeing him lying there, was a lot to handle, your worries, your guilt, your fear he’d never wake up, it all kept piling on top of you.

“It's not your fault.” Thorn offered, doing his best to console you, even if it didn't do much.

“How can you say that? He's in a coma because of me.” 

Thorn shifted in front of you keeping his eyes locked with yours as he kneeled, his hands engulfing yours while they rested on your lap, “Mesh'la, how is Fox defending you from some psycho with a blaster your fault?” 

“He wouldn't have gotten injured, much less been there if he just let me grab a cab by myself. If he just left like he usually did instead of trying to be chivalrous…” 

“Then you'd be lying there instead of Fox, or worse, and you know if you ended up here, Fox would’ve been very upset. Not only would we have lost the most attractive girl in his office, but he would have to do all the paperwork himself.” He smirked, hoping to get you to crack even the tiniest smile, but instead there was a single tear that welled up. He gently cupped your cheek wiping away the drop, 

“Mesh’la, listen this is what we were made for, to defend and protect the citizens of the Republic. That includes you.”

“Doesn't make it any easier.” 

Thorn nodded he knew things weren't as simple as he wished it to be. Maker, he'd love it if it was a simple mugging, and maybe they should've told you more about what was really going on, yet somehow neither Fox nor he were ready or able to tell you. 

“Fox, I don't get it. What could she have done to make herself a target?” 

“That's the question, isn't it? Are you sure the target is Starlight?” 

“Without a doubt, I double checked. One of the CUP officers was even able to get a puck recruiting mercenaries for the hit. Here.” Thorn pulled out the puck from his utility belt and pressed the button. There was no mistake, it was your face floating in the holo display. 

Fox rubbed his forehead, “Alright. Let me talk with her first. Let me see if she has an idea as to why the Black Sun would want her dead.” 

“They said dead or alive.” 

“Is that really important, Thorn?” 

“Sorry.” 

Fox shook his head, “No. It's mine. I… I just can't imagine what she did or who she pissed off. I mean she certainly has a mouth on her, so it's possible she talked back to someone she shouldn't have. Ugh.” Fox rubbed his face. He took one of the new cookies you had brought in and thoughtfully chewed on it. “Okay, leave the puck with me. I'll talk to her. She's my secretary, so I’ll handle it. And in the meantime, do a background check on her. I want a thorough check, leave no stone unturned.” 

Thorn nodded leaving Fox's office. It was still an hour before you were supposed to come in. This is not what he needed to deal with especially after the attempted kidnapping of the Chancellor. 

“Step back!” 

You jerked back to the present and watched in shock as the medics pushed you aside, reacting to Fox's heart which had started to beat erratically. Thorn held you back, his hands holding your arms, as you watched in horror while they shocked him back to a normal sinus rhythm. 

Once Fox was stable and your own heart felt like it started up again, you finally found your voice, “What's happening, Patch?” You asked the Coruscant Guard medic. 

“When the Commander jumped in front of you to protect you, taking the shot, the bolt

missed his heart by a millimetre. Which is about this much." He held up his thumb and forefinger showing a minimal space in between. “Because of how close the shot was, the electrical current jarred his heart out of rhythm. His body is doing its best to reset itself. I know it looks scary but he’ll be okay, that’s why we're here. Ready to jump in and reset his heart. Alright, love? I promise everything will be fine.” 

Thorn gently rubbed your arms, as you nodded. “See, he'll be fine, mesh'la. He'll be fine.”

You turned in Thorn's arms hugging him, needing warmth and comfort.

“Hey, Starlight, can we talk for a second.” 

Even though your working relationship had gotten better over the past month, you weren’t exactly buddy-buddy with the Commander, at least not yet.

“Commander?” You stood at the entrance of his office, watching as he motioned for you to take a seat. “Am I getting fired?” You smirked. 

Fox shook his head, a slight chuckle escaping from his helmet. “No, Starlight. You're not getting fired. I just wanted to check in to see how you're doing and how you're finding the job. See if there's anything you want to discuss?” 

“Oh. Oh well let's see. Everything is going well. My main concern is still the filing system. It's getting better but if I could stay late or even come in on a weekend to organize and arrange it chronologically and order of severity that would help.”

He cleared his throat, “I'm sure we can arrange something. Um… and aside from work, your personal life… is good?” 

That question shocked you, “Since when do you ask about my personal life?” 

“Well, you've been here a few weeks, I think it's about time I learned a little more about you. Anything I should know?” 

Your brows furrowed, “I feel like you're trying to ask me something specific.” 

He let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck, he lifted his helmet and set it aside looking into your eyes. 

You felt your breath catch in your chest, you knew Fox would be good looking, after all you've seen other Clone troopers but… there was something so much more attractive about Fox. Maybe it was the gray streak in his hair, or maybe it was the way his eyes bore into yours with wisdom and determination. The sharp chiselled jawline that could cut glass didn't pass your notice either. You swallowed as you looked at each other. 

“Starlight, you know you can always talk to me.” 

“I'm sorry Commander, I’m not sure what you want me to say..” 

Fox paused, breaking eye contact and blinking a few times. How was he going to tell her, a civilian who clearly had no idea the danger she was in, that a hit had been taken out on her. “No. Um … you know what, let's talk more later.” 

You tilted your head as you looked at him, you wanted to drag out this conversation longer, just so you could keep looking at his handsome face, “You sure?” 

“Yeah. Let's just get going with the day and catch up at the end.” 

Your hand rested on the armchair, as you simply nodded.

“I should've told you the truth.” You whispered, now that Thorn had left your side to handle things at the office, “I should've told you my life was a mess.” 

You held his hand, the guilt from not opening up to Fox when you had the chance weighed heavily on your heart and mind. And now you wondered if you'd ever get the chance. 

“Please. Please don't die” you whispered, “I don't want you to die.” You wiped a tear, wondering if what you felt for him right now was pure guilt or was it something more. “I'll explain everything if you wake up. So please. Wake up.” 

You stood, removing your hand from his, but instantly missed his warmth. You gently ran your hands over your arms, comforting yourself a little, as you headed towards the window by his bed looking out over Coruscant. Taking in a deep breath, wondering when this weight of guilt would leave you. 

“Starlight…” 

Your breath caught in your throat as you slowly turned to see Fox awake and smirking.

Send Commander Fox a prompt to continue the story!

Taglist 1:  @boomtowngirl @becks-things @catsnkooks @starlightrows @tailorvizsla @bitchin-beskar @acourtofsnakes @grogusmum @buzzybeebee @deannie13 @ladykatakuri @noodlesfics @the-good-shittt @everythingyouwanted @jewfro24 @vaderthepotater @pinkiemme @laichka @myeternalsin @kazthedestroyer @writeforfandoms @trekkingaroundasgard @beskarmermaid @flightlessangelwings @heyitsaloy @pickleprickle @obiwanquinzel @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @cloneloverrrrr @deewithani @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @atlas-likes-writing @mysticalgalaxysalad @tazmbc1

[killian-whump]

Edit: I’m leaving this original post as-is, because to change it now would be disingenuous and unfair to the people who voiced (honestly, very valid) outrage at what this post seemed to be saying. This was not meant to be a post about racism or about POC whumpers’ struggles to feel comfortable in the Whump Community. The post about racism that I mention in the first paragraph was merely the starting point for a thought process that got me thinking about the niche quality of the fandom side of the Whump Community. Much like in a fetish community, many whumpers are here for their one specific Whumpee or to scratch their one very specific trope itch. It was that phenomenon that my post was meant to be addressing - and the best way, in that sense, to get your own itch scratched is by starting a blog about it and hoping others with the same Whumpee/interest come out to join you. I made a grave error by referring to the post about racism in the beginning, and using POC Whumpees as an example of a “specific itch” that someone might want to scratch. By doing so, I gave the wrong impression that this was a post (1) about the other post and (2) about racism. It wasn’t meant to be either, and I should have been much more careful in making this post to make sure I did not give the wrong impression. Racism in fandom is a very serious issue; the tendency for niche communities to create insular mini-communities (tables, if you will) based on highly specific individual needs is not. And it’s the latter that this post was meant to be about! Hope that clears it up and keeps further feathers from being ruffled. Love to you all!

I’ve been thinking more about that post about racism in the Whump Community. Despite how big the Whump Community’s gotten and how quickly it’s exploded and evolved into a big, bustling community... It is still what would be considered a niche community.

As such, it is built entirely by the individuals in the community, to cater specifically to their own needs and in the hopes that others might share their specific interests. You can’t expect a table to already be laid out for you in a niche dining hall. You have to grab a table yourself, put your own favorite dishes on it... and hope others come and join you for dinner. Because niche communities are what they are because they’re not for everybody. They’re only for the individuals who are part of them - and they exist to cater to the needs and wants of those people.

But that doesn’t mean groups/interests who aren’t “part” of the community yet are being excluded. It just means no one’s grabbed a table and slapped some of those dishes on it yet. And why haven’t you? Haven’t you ever seen Field of Dreams? “If you build it, they will come.” Get building! Communities don’t build themselves, and life’s too short to wait for others to build your happy space for you.

That’s what I did. I saw some Hook content in the whump blogs, but I knew there could be a lot more. I saw some whumpy writings in the OUAT community, but I knew there could be a lot more. I wanted more. So I made a blog to curate and celebrate what was already out there, and to connect with others who (like me) enjoyed that kind of content. The hope was (and forever is) that other creators would join in and make more content. And they did! They SO did!

And it’s not like the community as a whole decided one day to start putting white boys in boxes. One individual somewhere just thought it would be a good idea, threw a dude in a box and shipped him off to a sadist... and a new section of the community was born. And apparently so many other people crammed chairs around that table that it’s become an entire universe now, through some magic of fandom space evolution or something. And it does seem like they’re still mostly white boys, but I’m sure if you order a POC boy, they’ll happily ship you one. Or hell, order twenty! You’ll probably get a bulk purchase discount, and everyone likes a good bargain.

The point is... The Whump Community is what WE make it - and that includes YOU, whoever you are. If you want more of something - make it. Or at least provide a place for other people seeking such content to congregate so you can use the powerful force of collective puppy dog eyes to get others to make/share content with you. Hey, it works!

And if anyone out there makes/has a POC whump blog (that focuses on fictional whump scenarios other than non-fictional slavery/racism scenarios), lemme know. I’m definitely down for that!

[wander-wren]

got another bot-spam comment on ao3, but this one is extra weird. let’s do some investigating!

for those not in the know, The Haunting is my dark whumpy “todoroki gets adopted by aizawa” fic. it’s also 60k words long. so right away i’m doubting this person read it. that plus the generic vibes? bot comment. but i’m also pretty sure i’ve heard of this channel before, specifically because it wasn’t crediting authors. hm. so i go check it out: http://www.youtube.com/@DnWhatIf

first of all, these are the videos i’m greeted with:

now, i don’t want to bash anyone’s taste, but this is so extremely not my thing. nooooo way. some of these read more like crackfic, which is fine, but tonally the difference is SO much. and just makes it even more glaringly obvious that they aren’t reading the fics they’re spamming or even giving them a cursory once-over (or putting strong filters on the bot? i’m not clear how bot comments work)

because this is the first thing you see about The Haunting:

i’m guessing, if it wasn’t completely random, it’s the fact that i tagged izuku as a character. and really it’s just lazy, the whole thing. it’s all bots. ai art in the thumbnail, ai voice reading the fic, bot making comment spam for you. zero respect. if this was an actual podficcer i would consider it! hell, i might even accept ai voice readings (MAYBE), if it was obvious there was a human person who cared behind them. it could certainly be a tool for good, since podficcing isn't very common (we love you podficcers. if i had a little bit more confidence i would be one of you).

but anyway, hang on, lets back up a step, because the whole reason i looked into this was the credits issue. the video “what if deku became a teacher at ua” (ugh) (i hate the title gimmick also) is going to be my guinea pig.

so in the little intro (also done by ai), it says “all credits to their respective authors” which, yikes. however, they do link to their permission statement and the fic in the description, so it….could be worse. but also, these are the comments

(and it continues like that for a bit)

the channel name also has a 4.0 after it [edit: it did when i started this post, then i got distracted for two days, and now it is gone. hm], which implies they’ve had a lot of trouble with keeping it up. so it seems likely that this is the channel i heard about stealing fics, they just finally learned to get permission and give credit to try and keep it up this time. the permission statement on this video is real (i wondered if they would just link to something else and assume no one would check), but even THAT author references being “freaked out” (positive?? unsure) when they heard of people finding their story on youtube. before giving permission to upload with credit. so that’s not great

also this sludgepit of content is absolutely the thing that attracts people with no patience clamoring for updates literally one day after the video goes up. go figure. bad vibes all around.

also, if you’re wondering about the quality of the reading (i’ve stumbled on some pretty good ai voices as of late!), it’s, uh. i don’t actually know about how all this works, but i feel like when you pick a voice to read a story it should at least be able to approximate character name pronunciation. and flow.

but alas.

i also don't want to bash the authors in question but the truth is from the very minimal poking around i did (not giving this channel any more of my time than absolutely necessary), the writing featured is....mediocre at best. which is fine and good for the fandom ecosystem and i will NEVER be anything but happy that people are writing and posting less-than-perfect works, especially since some of these premises are pretty unique and i think it's better to have the fic than not. we all start somewhere, fanfic is an excellent way to practice and get feedback at the same time, etc.

but these channels, these kinds of operations, they're going to prey on new and young authors and that's who is going to be saying yes to them. because they want the exposure, they want to be told their work is good enough for someone else to care to record it for youtube, they haven't been around long enough to recognize this for what it is: someone taking extreme shortcuts to get views and likes and a bit of notoriety off of other people's work. and that's shit.

and remember that youtube videos can be monetized!

now, i doubt this channel in particular has been monetized, although it does meet the minimum requirements as far as numbers go:

it shouldn't meet the requirements for the monetization policies, specifically these ones:

especially with the disclaimer in the beginning that the content is not their own--which might be why previous versions of the channel did not give credit. who knows.

however, youtube DID just have some scandals about people making videos that were pretty much entirely plagiarized, which were monetized, so i don't have the highest hopes in the world. still, it doesn't seem monetized, so no strikes against this particular creator for that, at least, but defo something to look out for if anyone ever brings up hosting podfics on youtube.

so yeah, bot spam, not a complete scam this time but definitely really sketchy, bad vibes all around. and i still kind of want to give them permission to use my fic just to see what would happen, lmao

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today. 

Here today to talk all things whumpy is the fabulous @not-a-space-alien!

Thank you for joining us today! Do you mind sharing a fact or two about yourself to start us off?

I love pet rats.  I don’t know if I can have them anymore, though, because it’s really hard when they start getting sick and they get old so fast.

Rats make the most adorable pets! And how would you describe what whump means to you? 

To me whump is about lingering on the effects of trauma and pain that mainstream media usually minimizes or ignores because it’s “too messy” or apparently not interesting I guess?  Humans are messy and I want to revel in that sometimes.  It feels wrong to ignore it.  Sometimes I feel messy and in pain and overwhelmed and I want to read about people who also feel that way.  I also like the hurt/comfort aspect because…..well, my fantasy is that someone will comfort me when I’m hurting and that someone will rescue me when I’m in pain (or on the flip side that I can save someone who’s in pain)

How did you find the whump community? What made you want to join? 

I’ve written these sorts of things for a while even before engaging with anything on tumblr that was primarily made as whump.  I started posting my writing on tumblr and engaging in online circles originally in the Good Omens fandom, years before the TV show came out, and gradually my writing on that front started getting darker and darker as I realized there are other people who like reading that sort of thing and it wasn’t just me.  I think it did make people a little uncomfortable sometimes and they weren’t really sure how to handle it, so that’s why these days I try extra hard to make sure it’s clear what’s in the writing and how it should be viewed and handled.

If I remember correctly I found myself in this corner after a period of years where I didn’t write anything at all, then while watching some random movies I re-watched Night at the Museum and of course looked at tumblr posts about it, which led to me starting to browse g/t more often (thanks Jedtavius), and after being into g/t stuff for a while I stumbled across some people who wrote g/t whump, and from there I found some “regular” whump.  The first person I remember actually talking to was @oddsconvert, who told me to read Kane and Jim, and I have been mildly obsessed with Milly’s writing since then, which gave me a framework to pull together pieces of ideas I’d always had to write MMSS, which is really my only current contribution to “whump tumblr.” (I’d always had an idea about a scientist vampire getting caught while trying to make artificial blood, I combined this with Valen, a DnD character I’d previously played as a drow, because I knew the setting in Milly’s story would be the perfect thing to tie it all together.)

Do you think your view on whump changed since you discovered the whump community?

I’m not sure if I would really consider myself part of the “whump community” because so much of what’s out there doesn’t appeal to me.  At first I gave everything a try but as time went on I started getting more and more picky.  I’ve grown to really dislike “pet whump”/BBU as well as nameless snippets/prompts that use cardboard cutout characters or flatten characters into two-dimensional archetypes like “Caretaker” or “Whumper.”  This sounds really negative but it’s entirely a matter of personal taste and I wish people who write that stuff the best. I wish I could enjoy it because there’s so many talented people out there writing it but it just does nothing for me.

No, that’s entirely valid. There’s a lot of tropes out there and certain ones like BBU can feel inescapable sometimes!  It really can be hard to find ones that tick all of your boxes. Do you have any particular favourites?

I love when a character is scared for their life, not knowing that in reality they’re completely safe/being helped.  

Shocked when receiving mercy and gentleness when none is expected or deserved.

Character unused to receiving love being loved.

Monster characters hiding their monster nature, being exposed, but being loved anyway despite being treated badly for it in the past.

The power of FriendshipTM

Love being a powerful force that can pull people through the worst ordeals

Complicated relationships between vulnerable characters 

Fearplay 

Excellent trope choices! Unexpected mercy or kindness is so good! Would you like to share a favourite piece that you’ve written? 

Honestly this isn’t even whump but I think my favorite thing I’ve ever written is still Falling Hazard.  I put SO much work into that story.  It had so many moving pieces and I wanted to make sure it was all polished and got the attention it deserved so it went through 3 or 4 drafts, I had the whole thing written before I even started posting it.  It was the culmination of an OC-heavy, plot-intense Good Omens second-apocalypse fic that turned into more of a thriller than anything.  

https://not-a-space-alien.tumblr.com/post/657822746613514240/your-own-side-masterpost  

Haven’t really been interested in Good Omens fandom stuff for a hot minute but I’m honestly still really proud of it.  I don’t think it’s really possible to try the “sand the barcode off and sell as an original fiction” thing because it’s so interwoven with the themes of the novel but I think even people with only a passing knowledge of good omens could enjoy it.  (the first few entries in this series are kind of whumpy but the later ones are less like that)

Good Omens?! I’m going to binge this so much, I swear! What does your writing routine look like?

I only write when inspiration strikes, I generally don’t do my best work if I’m forcing myself to write.  I do my best work when I’m seized by some mad ideas and feel like I’ll explode if I don’t write RIGHT NOW.  I think the worst case I ever had it was this one time I wrote an entire ficlet on my phone at work.  RIP my thumbs. 

Ah yes. And the urge to write always comes at the most inconvenient time, doesn’t it? Do you find that somethings are easier to write than others?

I struggle to write in any universe where I can’t keep a firm hold on the worldbuilding in my head.  My brain will take implications of things we see and run off with it and it’s like I run up against a wall if I can’t take everything to its logical conclusion.  So I tend to write easiest in settings where the worldbuilding is simple, or based on a few things that are flexible.  I tend to get really picky and a bit ridiculous about taking things too seriously when it comes to worldbuilding.

Is there anything you're working on at the moment? 

My two big current writing projects are Watch Your Step and MMSS and I can’t really see that changing anytime soon.  I do have a google doc with some ideas for shorter pieces and snippets that I might write when inspiration strikes. 

Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?

I'm bad at this.  Please can people comment with a joke or pun.  I’m the one who needs smiles.  I'm so tired.

A joke for you then: What's a fanfic writer's weapon of choice? His headcanon! 

Do you have any writing advice you’d like to share?

Pay attention to people in real life. Listen to the way they talk and act, the lies they tell themselves, the way they juggle things, the way they behave when they care vs when they don't care. Listen to what they say with their words and without. Dissect why strangers, acquaintances, friends, lovers interact the way they do. Notice patterns. Appreciate the complexity of human existence. Pay attention to context and background and how circumstances affect behavior. Understand that there is no true "you" at the core of every human, just a million fragments of personality seen by a million different people. Once you understand all this, you can mix and match to build a person in your head. Every character feels real when they get pieces of you, or pieces of people you know.  That’s my philosophy anyway!

I’m writing that advice down, that’s really good. Are there any blogs you’d like to mention?

@whumpsday and @oddsconvert  <3  I also love @demondamage’s stuff even though I havent been following for too long :)

Anything you'd like to add? 

Stay frosty coolios 

It was a pleasure to have you here today, @not-a-space-alien! 

And to all you fab folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[ofallthelostdogs]

Lost and Found

i think it feels appropriate that the first chapter posted on here introduces a new (and slightly old) character. with lots of fun backstory.

word count: 5,835

TW: female whumper (briefly there, does no actual harm while there), running away, interrogation (kind of), memory loss, past whump, uhh. i think that’s it!

tldr its not really whumpy, a sweet boy runs away from his owner and finds an azure shelter to help him. tagging @spookyboywhump bc naturally. also shoutout to allen for helping write this bc my brain is MUSH. mush i tell you. i havent posted a writing in so fucking long uh. eenjoy.

-edwin

~~~

The plan was solid, if he didn't mess it up. He had counted the minutes second by second, every day until he was certain he would get it right.

She got up, showered and made coffee. He waited patiently for her to collect him, to bring him downstairs and make breakfast. He helped cook like always, and laughed quietly along to her chit-chat. His heart raced in his chest, his throat tight with anxiety.

"Will you collect the mail for me, sweetness?" She asked. Lost smiled gently and stood up, nodding his head. It was almost over. Finally, it was almost over.

He fetched the mail quickly, hurrying back to her side so as not to arouse suspicion. She wouldn't notice a thing for hours, if everything went according to plan. She was going to leave for work after breakfast and reading the news. It took her an hour to get to and from work on a good day, and about a half hour more if the traffic was bad, which it always was on a Monday. He wanted as much time as he could get.

His owner kissed him goodbye as she left, grabbing her purse and her coat and leaving a bright red stain on his forehead. She waved as she closed the door, and locked it behind her like always.

As if he hadn't learned how to unlock it.

Once she was gone it was time. Lost hurriedly made his way to the bathroom, rubbing the lipstick off of his face as quickly as he could and tossing the wipe into the bin.

He needed something to hide his collar, which took the form of one of his owner's scarves, wrapped around his neck with the hopes of it covering his face enough to bypass anyone recognizing him. It was soft, and as he stared into the mirror he stroked the fabric and paused.

Was he really making the right choice? What if she was angry, oh and she would be. She could have someone track him down, he could be dragged back kicking and screaming and she would hurt him, punish him for his disobedience, because how dare he leave her like that?

Well, wasn't that the point? She had told him his mother was cruel, that she rescued him but… he couldn't remember anything before her. His whole life was just… blank. Every memory erased. Nothing came before her, not in his memory, or in his life. There had to be an after. He needed there to be.

She wouldn't have heard him anyways, but Lost always found himself creeping down the stairs as if every little creak of the wood was going to summon her, and she would see him and know he was going to leave. His stomach turned at the thought, making him nauseous. It would take at least an hour before she was home even if she found out, that was why he chose today. He had even checked her bag the night before to ensure she wouldn't forget anything, and hidden a twenty dollar bill from her wallet in his favourite pair of shoes.

Lost wasn't sure how long he stared at the door, willing himself to build the courage to unlock it. Once he made it past the driveway he was set, he could get anywhere he needed to. He had even written down the directions to the nearest Azure shelter, a name he recognized from her scorn of the company's mission.

How dare people want to be free.

He barely recognized his own hands as he reached in front of him, pressing numbers into a keypad and hoping she hadn't changed the passcode. She got notifications on her phone if he pressed the wrong number, and he knew that she would never let him forget his mistake if she caught him.

1-2-0-8

The keypad lit up green, and a high pitched chime signaled as the lock clicked open. Lost blinked, almost unbelieving. It was working.

He was going to get out.

It chimed again as he shut the door behind him, and he flinched. All he had to do was punch the code back in, and she wouldn't know he had left until she was inside after work and it was far too late to find him again. One two oh eight.

One two oh eight.

1-2-0-8

It beeeped at him when it locked shut, and he smiled slightly. He was almost free, for real. No more false promises.

Lost turned on his heel and began to walk down the driveway, cutting over the front lawn and slipping through a break in the fence that he had found months prior. Conveniently hidden by hedges and his owner's precious flower bushes.

He looked at the house for a moment as he walked away and pondered. Anxiety sat like lead in his stomach, still unsure of whether or not he was making the right choice. He had to be, right? None of his fears could be as bad as she was. He could be a person, on his own, if he wanted to. He just needed to learn.

He just needed the chance.

***

It took him longer than he had expected.

By the time Lost made it to the shelter the sun was much higher in the sky than when he began, and his mouth and throat were dryer than he could ever remember. His legs felt weak and his head felt light, making him dizzy. He imagined the scarf wasn't helping, as the sun beat down on him he was sweating hard enough to soak the front of his shirt. 

He promised himself it would be worth it. 

The shelter was at the end of a very inconspicuous block, and the only things marking it as anything besides an ordinary apartment complex were the security measures and small Azure logo above the door. Lost faltered as he saw two large men standing outside, the bravery he had built up wilting and cowering at the sight, at the idea of what they could do to him. One of them took notice and watched him backtrack for a moment, before calling out. 

"Do you need help?" 

Lost stood in place. Yes, he wanted to cry. Yes, yes please, please help me. Save me. I need help. His hands shook, along with his legs. He had walked too far to turn back, too far to hide and run back to his owner with his tail between his legs like a dog. 

He stepped forward and nodded. The man quietly acknowledged his hesitation, crouching down slightly when he spoke again. 

"Did someone hurt you?" Another nod. 

The man smiled sympathetically at him, and Lost noticed a collar similar to his around his throat, with a shiny silver plate that said Zander at the front. 

"We can help you, you don't have to rush but… when you're ready, we can go inside and I can get you help. You came to the right place." Zander said. 

Lost nodded, slowly coming closer. "I- I, I don't… I don't wanna be owned any muh-more…

He collapsed just a few steps away from Zander, who caught him and held him close, feeling how violently he shook. "You're gonna be okay," He murmured. "I promise, nobody is gonna hurt you again." 

Zander adjusted his hold on the boy and stood up, lifting him easily. The security guard he had been talking to opened the door for them and shot him a sad smile, familiar with the fragile state of many rescued and escaped victims. 

"Thanks." Zander acknowledged. He scanned a card that unlocked a more secure, interior door and pulled it open, hitching the small boy in his arms up to not drop him.

Alondra noticed him coming back in immediately and rushed to his side, standing on her toes to get a look at the boy he carried. 

“He just showed up.” Zander explained to her, and she nodded, understanding right away. 

“He looks exhausted,” She said, looking at Lost sympathetically, “here, come with me.” She told him, and Zander followed her as she led them back to a more private room. Zander was able to sit Lost down in a chair but he didn’t seem quite ready to leave his side, hesitant to do so at first when Alondra instructed him to go grab the boy something to drink. 

He did so after a moment regardless, and Alondra looked at Lost worriedly, asking him, “Would you be okay with removing your scarf? You must be really hot…” She spoke softly and gently, not wanting to pressure him into anything.

Lost nodded slowly, reaching up slowly to unwrap it. "I… d-didn't want… anyone t-to notice… it…" He mumbled, gesturing at the collar around his throat when he pulled his owner's scarf away. He wanted to hold it, despite all of his sense telling him not to. It was her's, not his, and he didn't want it. 

He tossed it across the room to dispel his desire to cling to it, to his life as a pet. He wanted out. "C-can you help me t-take it off? I- I don't, I can't, it, it's locked…" 

“Of course.” She told him, getting closer to get a better look at the lock. “It might take us a little bit to get it off but we’ll find a way, I promise.” She assured him. 

Zander came back shortly after, bringing Lost a nice cold water bottle which he handed to him right away. 

“I called Eli while I was out there.” He told Alondra.

“That’s good, he should be able to help us get this collar off him.” She said. 

Lost watched the two of them tiredly, holding the bottle in his hands. It was so cold, it felt nice. He held it to his forehead instead of opening it, breathing slowly. "Uh, um. Um, excuse me," He spoke up. "Wuh- what t-time is it?" 

Zander looked down at his phone. "It's uh… just about twelve." Lost sighed with relief. His owner wouldn't be home for hours yet. 

"Th-thank you…" He said, smiling politely. Finally he opened his bottle of water, having cooled off enough to feel present again. The cold water was a welcome relief, soothing his parched throat. The poor boy was so small his feet barely touched the ground, and he kicked them slightly and shut his eyes happily as he drank.

They gave him time to cool down, knowing he must be tired. They still had to wait for Elias to get there before they could even attempt to get that collar off of him. Alondra let him drink, waiting until he had finished before trying to make him speak again. 

"So, can you tell us what we should call you?” She asked. Though she could easily check the collar around his neck, she didn’t want to assume that was the name he’d choose to answer to.

The boy looked at her with wide eyes, seeming to mull it over for a second before answering. 

"Muh- my name is, um, my n-name is Lost…" He said quietly. He looked down at his feet as he said it, almost ashamed to admit that he had been so far gone as to be named by his owner. He wrung his hands together nervously, hoping with all his might that these two would continue this level of kindness, that his many shortcomings weren't going to earn him lashings, or the silent treatment for days. Worse still was his owner saying she was disappointed in him, sitting him down to tell him all the ways he's failed her in the past… well, however long it had been since she did it last. 

However neither of them seemed shaken by his response, and he let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't his fault that his name was Lost, or that his real name had really been lost to time. He was Lost, or sweetness, although the latter made his skin crawl. He shivered slightly. 

 “Alright, Lost,” She said with a smile, “my name is Alondra, and you’ve met Zander.” She said, gesturing to him. “Once our friend gets here they’ll probably have some questions for you, but you don’t need to feel like you have to answer anything you’re not ready to, they’ll understand.” 

He nodded. These people seemed nice enough, and although he was in an unfamiliar place he was already feeling better about his decision than earlier that morning. It was smart of him to leave early, the kind of thought that would have gone unappreciated by his owner, and her constant efforts to keep him feeling and behaving like a child. 

 After some time passed there was a knock on the door, and Zander commented on how that must be Eli before telling him to come in. Elias opened the door, taking a step inside but he seemed to pause in the doorway, looking directly at Lost. He almost looked a little bit confused, his head tilted to the side just slightly, but he caught himself and smiled at him, trying his best to appear friendly. 

 “Hello there.” He said to him, closing the door behind him. “Zander told me you came here looking for help?” He asked, trying to get a good understanding of the situation.

Lost nodded. He was quiet, and hadn't said a word since telling them his name. When he did speak, his voice was soft. He almost seemed afraid to speak above a whisper. "I- I wanna… I wanna be, um, I…" 

He stumbled over his words for a minute, getting frustrated with himself the more he stuttered, and the frustration seemed to make it worse. Eventually he gave up, puffing his cheeks out and sighing and settling for another nod. 

 “It’s alright.” Alondra said to him softly, trying to be reassuring, before she looked to Eli. “He needs help with this collar, it’s locked.” Alondra told him. 

 “I thought that might be an issue.” Eli said as he stepped closer, stopping before he actually got close enough to touch the collar. “Is it alright if I touch you?” He asked Lost. “I should be able to get this off, I haven’t found a lock I couldn’t figure out yet, I just need to take a look at it first.”

"P-please… please g-get it off of me…" Lost whimpered, lowering his head. "I… I don't, I don't want it… please t-take it off." 

 “Don’t worry, I’ll try to do this as quickly as I can.” Eli told him, still being very careful as he checked the lock. He’d come prepared for this scenario, as this wasn’t the first time somebody needed to be freed from a locked collar. 

The collar was simple, leather stained a light purple collar with thick blue stitching. The lock hung off the back, with a little heart shaped tag on the front that read Sweetness. Lost had never seen the other side of the tag, but he had been told that it said his owner's name, in case he managed to escape her and was found by some well meaning individual.

And just like Elias had promised, he was able to get it off rather quickly, and immediately handed the collar over to Zander to take a look at the tag. “We can get rid of that for you, you won’t have to worry about it anymore.” Eli assured him.

Lost's hands shot up to his throat, touching the skin that had been covered for years now. His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape. He looked up at Elias and his eyes shone, the hint of a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. 

"Thank you…" He mumbled, his hands gently placed against his throat. He could barely believe the feeling, the freedom of having his throat unbarred and unhidden. The last restraint, the one constant reminder of his ownership, of his place. Finally gone. And so quickly, he barely had the time to process it before it was taken away from him, before he would never see it again. 

For a moment, he regretted tossing the scarf away from him. 

He almost hoped that his owner had been lying about putting her name and address on his collar, and that they wouldn't be able to find her. He almost didn't want her to know that he was gone at all, and wished he could somehow leave without really doing so. A part of him knew deep down, that there was something wrong with how he had been treated, that he was not a pet, or a child, or anyone's property. 

He didn't watch what Zander did with his collar, and put his head back down, pulling his knees to his chest with the hope that curling in on himself would protect him. 

He couldn't imagine finding someone in his state and returning them to the name listed on their collar. He could imagine a thousand scenarios, but all of them ended the same way; with that person as far away from any "owner" as they could possibly get.

Now that the collar was dealt with, Elias pulled up one of the chairs so he could sit across from Lost, so he wouldn’t be standing over him anymore. He didn’t try to make him look at him, but he was closer to being on his level and he spoke to him kindly, being very careful with what he said. 

“I know you’re probably tired, and we’ll let you rest as soon as we can, but we would like to ask you some questions if that’s okay?” Eli asked him. “We’d appreciate anything you’d be willing to tell us.”

Lost looked up at him through his eyelashes and nodded slightly. "Uhuh," He whimpered, and sat up a little straighter. He focused on Elias' freckles, the scar on his face, anything to avoid looking him directly in the eye. "I- I can."

 “If you’re comfortable with it, what can you tell us about the person who did this to you?” Eli asked him gently. 

 “We’ll look into the name on the collar, but if there’s anything else you can tell us that you think would help, that would be good.” Zander added.

"I…" Lost began, looking immediately anxious. "I, I don't… know. She, she's my owner… um, wuh- what do you wanna… know?" 

 “I guess we should start with how she got you in that situation to begin with. Did you know her before or was she just a stranger?” Eli asked him.

"Um…" He scrunched up his face uncomfortably. "I… don't… remember. I- I'm sorry." 

 “That’s alright,” Eli said, “Even if you can’t remember now, if you do remember anything later you can always tell somebody then, everything helps. Is there anything at all you can remember from before you were with her? Any family or friends? We’ll try our best to contact them for you.”

Lost's expression grew more frustrated, puffing out his cheeks again. For years now it had been the more he focused on it, the less he was able to recall. He could remember a terrifying, filthy cell and his hands restrained above him. He remembered being beaten, and screaming for help, and then… nothing. Nothing before, and nothing after until waking up on his owner's carpet; terrified and shivering only to be brought into her arms. 

He could remember her petting his hair, holding him and comforting him. He remembered her giving him the name of her sweet little lost pet. But nothing else. Nothing but her. 

"I… I remember my… my Miss, I…" Lost placed his hands on the back of his neck and whined quietly, starting to rock back and forth. "I remember Miss. I- I don't… know about… before her. I j-just, I just don't… it's not… there."

 “Hey, it’s okay.” Eli said gently. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stress you out. We can stop or take a break if you’d like, we only have to keep going if you want to.”

Lost whined again, putting his head between his knees. "I, I… just, I just rem'mber g-getting… hurt… I… rem'mber waking up… 'nd she was there, Miss wuh, was there 'nd… and… and I don't… have anything… before. Just, just her."

 “It’s alright,” Elias said softly, leaning forward in his seat just slightly. “You don’t need to force yourself, I understand. We can talk about anything else, we can leave this alone.” He told him, trying his best to stay calm and calm him down as well at the same time, he couldn’t stand seeing him so distressed. “We don’t need to worry about before until later, right now and how you’re doing is much more important.”

Lost sniffled, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. "I," He stammered, eyes welling up with tears. "I don't wuh, wanna be useless… I, I'm sorry… I just… I just wanna go home…" 

Eli's heart panged. It wasn't going to be easy to get any actual information out of him, least of all because he seemed to not know any. The poor boy was already so distraught, it was almost a wonder how he had gotten all the way here on his own. 

"I shouldn't hah, have left…" He mumbled, shaking his head. 

“That’s not true, it’s good that you’re here, we’ll keep you safe.” Eli told him. “We don’t need to rush anything.” He looked around worriedly, but it wasn’t uncommon for new rescues to be emotional, and Alondra had already grabbed a box of tissues and offered it to Lost. 

 “Here, it’s okay to take a break if you need to.” She assured him gently. “No matter what you can or can’t tell them, you’re still going to be safe here.”

He took the tissues with a soft little "thank you," and began wiping his face, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. It took him a few minutes, sitting in silence and wiping at his face occasionally.

"M-miss is, um, she…" Lost began carefully. "She's… pretty. Um, she hah, has light hair, l-like, real light. And, and blue eyes like, like mine. She… she isn't muh, much bigger than me. She… she wears pretty dr-dresses, and shoes that make her t-taller. Her friends are… scary…" 

He paused for a minute and squeezed his eyes shut, balling his hands into fists and slowing down his breathing. 

"Her friends… do b-big, big bad work. Th-that… that's where I think… I came from. They… all have… pets…" He lowered his voice, as if the word itself was dirty, tainted by these people and their actions. "One of them h-hated me… I, I dunno why." 

“Hated you?” Elias asked, his eyebrows raised. He briefly glanced at Zander, wondering if he was thinking the same thing he was, the other man seemed just as intrigued by this. The thought that had been at the back of his head since the second he saw Lost was bothering him more now, he took his phone from his pocket and only searched for a minute to find the picture, almost hesitant to show it to him. “I’m sorry, you said her friends did bad work, do you… do you recognize this man…?” He asked him, showing him a picture of Nicholas Fairfax.

Lost's face dropped, the courage he had just built up leaving him in an instant. He pushed himself back in his chair, his breathing kicking up into quick, panicked breaths. He whined loudly, pulling his hands up to his chest protectively. 

"Uhuh," He whimpered, nodding. "I, I, I h-hate him, I hate him, he's, he's so mean. He doesn't, he doesn't t-tell the truth!" Lost buried his face in his hands, shaking his head and whimpering. "He's a buh, bully! And his pet is t-too…" 

 “I was worried you would say that…” Eli scowled, quickly putting his phone away so that Lost wouldn’t have to see the image again. “I’m so sorry that they treated you that way, but you won’t have to worry about him or his pet anymore. The fact you knew who he was is helpful on its own, so thank you for telling me.” He had to remind himself to stay calm, he could be upset later, right now he just needed to focus on Lost and trying to keep him comfortable. 

"He… he's m-mister Fairfax. I… I'm not allowed to c-call him by his um, his first name." Lost said quietly. "Good boys um, d-don't." He added, almost as an afterthought. 

 “Did you… have to spend a lot of time with him?” Eli asked, though he had a feeling he already knew the answer to that.

"Not… at first." Lost chose his words carefully. "I… I wasn't… allowed to. For, for a while. I… I d-disobeyed. And, and I th-thought… he would be nice to, to me. When, when I was wrong… miss didn't care anymore. Cus, cus it was… it was m-my fault." He wrung his hands nervously, looking at Elias. He didn't trust them, not yet, all that he had heard about the company from his owner's angry ranting was that they took pets away, away from where they belonged. He didn't have any idea what was done with them afterwards. 

"She j-just kept, kept leaving me wuh, with him. All the t-time. Cus I earned it and, and she had, had places to g-go." 

 “I’m… I’m sorry… that wasn’t your fault, you never deserved any of that…” He told him. He tried to be careful about what he said, he didn’t always know what would or wouldn’t upset somebody in this situation, but he hated to think he believed he’d earned or deserved any of what happened. It sounded like pretty standard behaviour from Nicholas, but he didn’t want to comment on that to him either.

"Miss t-told me I did," Lost said, as if that made it fact. "She said I'm b-bad, and, and he said so t-too. They, they're… smarter than m-me." 

 “Well… I don’t think you’re bad… and neither of them are going to bother you here, we’ll make sure of that.” Eli said. He wanted to tell him that they were wrong, he was never bad no matter what they said, they weren’t smarter just because they acted like it, but he didn’t want to overwhelm him, no matter how angry he was that they made him think that way.

"They're mean," Lost replied. "They… th-they suck! I, I don't l-like them." He had finally settled on sitting with his knees up, his arms crossed and his chin resting on them. He pushed his face into his arms, covering his eyes and sighing heavily. 

Really, he wasn't sure how he felt. His mind felt strangely blank, although his heart raced and his eyes watered. He wasn't… upset, but he wasn't happy about it, either. Everything seemed so overwhelming. He wanted the questions to end, his head hurt and he was so tired, and hungry, the more he focused the more he realized just how much of a mess he was. He was exhausted, and covered in sweat, his feet, legs and back ached so badly, and his scars burned. He wanted to lay down on the floor and let it swallow him, but the effort of moving even that far made him want to cry. He hurt. 

"I… I don't wanna do th-this anymore puh, please…" Lost whimpered, burying his face further in his arms. "I'm so tired…"

 “That’s okay, you don’t have to.” Eli quickly assured him. “Alondra can go make sure a space is ready for you, and we can let you get cleaned up and bring you some new clothes and then you can relax.” He told him. “You can take all the time you need to rest, we don’t need to rush anything.”

Lost nodded, too tired to do much else. All of the exhaustion he was feeling before seemed to have doubled, and he barely stopped himself from falling asleep in his chair. 

Alondra headed off to set up a room, while Elias left with the promise to return with clean clothes and towels. Zander stood awkwardly in the corner of the room, having not been given a task he seemed to remain stationary, his hands in his jacket pockets and his eyes fixed on the floor. Occasionally he would rock on the balls of his feet, scanning the room while Lost stayed in place.

He was far too tired to move. Presumably, he was going to be offered a shower but the thought only exhausted him more, if only partially because he wasn't used to bathing himself anymore. After four years of being babied and doted on for every little thing, he wasn't quite sure where to begin taking care of himself. 

Alondra returned fairly quickly, the same gentle, yet friendly smile on her face that she had offered while he struggled to answer Elias' questions. 

"I've got a room with a bed for you, if you want to come with me," She said softly. Lost whined. "You don't have to shut the door if you don't want to, we won't lock you in. And you aren't sharing with anyone, it's just for you." 

Lost continued to whine, rubbing his eyes against his arms. He produced an array of colourful explosions behind heavy eyelids, trying with all his might to keep himself awake. He shook his head, grunting in disagreement as he found that words simply refused to obey him. 

"Do you want me to carry you again?" Zander spoke up, taking a step out of the corner. Lost mulled it over for a moment. Fresh clothes and a bed did sound better than curling up in his current state, on that chair no less. He groaned something resembling a yes and looked up tiredly, eyes red and puffy. He reached out to Zander with both arms, and Zander picked him up easily. The boy weighed next to nothing, clearly his owner and Nicholas hadn't been doing a great job of keeping him fed, which wasn't uncommon. 

Zander followed Alondra down the hallway, up a flight of stairs and around a corner to a hall with many rooms coming off of it, each one having either a blank tag beside the door, or the occupied ones with names hastily scribbled in. 

They arrived at a door recently labeled with his name, in a curly, swirling text that he could only assume was Alondra's. Inside was a bed, a table and chair, and a small dresser. Lost noticed a closet around the corner when Zander put him down on the bed, with empty hangers ready to be filled. 

His own room. 

The most his owner had given him was a kennel.

Elias came back quickly, carrying the items he had promised as well as a small stuffed shark, which he handed to Lost with a shy smile. 

"You don't have to want it, or like it, but… I always find hugging them helps me calm down. I thought you might like one." 

Lost stared at the small blue plush, with its embroidered black eyes and sharp white teeth. It smiled at him, and he found himself smiling back a little. He tucked it into the bed beside his pillows and smiled at Elias, his eyes shut with sleepiness. 

Eli smiled back, and placed the towels and clothes on the bed bedside Lost. 

"I got you some sweatpants and a tee shirt as well, um, there wasn't a lot of options so they're blue and gray. I hope that's okay. The showers are just down the hall to your right, there's signs in case you get mixed up too." He explained, gesturing to the general direction of the showers. 

"Th-thank you…" Lost mumbled, stifling a yawn. "I… I think 'm too… sleepy… though… um…"

"Oh, that's okay!" Eli exclaimed, not wanting Lost to feel pressured. "You can do whatever you'd like." 

"I…" Lost continued. "I wanna… um… new… n-new clothes… and… and… slee… sleepy…" He paused for a minute, looking down at his feet nervously. After a moment he looked at Elias again, big blue puppy eyes pouting up at him from the bed. "Wuh, will you… st-stay with… me? I… I don't… want m-miss to… to find me… please…" 

 “Oh- of course, if that’s what you’d like.” Eli told him. He was almost surprised he wanted him to do it but he didn’t mind helping, anything to make him feel better. “I can step out so you can get changed but I’ll come back in when you’re ready. I’ll make sure everything is okay while you sleep, you don’t have to worry about her.” He assured him.

Lost smiled. He mumbled another thank you and resisted the instinct to refer to Elias as sir. Eli left the room for a moment, and Lost made sure he kept the door at least an inch ajar, and that he wasn't trapped before hauling himself off of the bed and into his new closet to change his clothes. Lost liked small spaces, and he could imagine setting up a little den of sorts in there to recharge himself. 

Changing went quickly despite his exhaustion, and he meekly called for Elias to open the door again as he dragged himself back to bed. 

"I… am so t-tired." He stated flatly as he pulled the covers back. The bed was warm, and clean, and the room outside was cool and comfortable. It was a gracious relief after walking so far, and he almost began to feel like he deserved it. After all, he was only human. Lost grabbed the plush that Elias had given him, and held it to his chest before laying down and tucking himself in. He had always preferred to go to sleep with something to hold. 

"Thank you," He called again, looking up at Eli with sleepy eyes. "Um, um… th-thank you. 'M, I… I… am… sleepy. Good… goodnight." 

 “Of course.” Eli smiled at him. “I hope you sleep well, goodnight.” He told him, taking a seat in the chair in the room so he could stay with him. He hoped he’d feel better once he’d had some time to rest, he couldn’t imagine just how exhausted he must’ve been. 

It only took a few minutes for Lost to fall asleep. He curled up around his plush, hugging it close to his chest and laying almost fetal. When he closed his eyes the darkness embraced him kindly, wrapping him up and taking over easily. Lost let himself be lulled into sleep by the sound of people working outside his door, knowing that if anyone wanted to come in; they would have to answer to Eli first. 

[astriiformes]

20, 39, 43, and 60, if you want to

20 - Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Sigh. My fic tends to be extremely hurt/comfort, frequently verging into fairly whumpy (gestures at how much I wrote for Whumptober back in 2022), although I do go pretty heavy on the comfort often, too. Make of that what you will.

39 - Share a snippet from a WIP

I will share something from a somewhat neglected WIP because I love it very much still and really ought to get back to it -- my transgender Caleb Wittebane backstory fic, "Go Down to the Netherworld, Plant Grapes"

Constance might have found the change jarring, but she wasn’t going to squander it. After overhearing Goody Young and Reverend Bradshaw talk about the possibility of sending her away, she was determined to be more dutiful and Christian than ever. Like Philip. It was her responsibility now, in order to keep them both together. She would move the Youngs with her great piety and her devotion to caring for her younger brother, and people around town would start to say things like “That Constance Wittebane is growing into such a fine young woman, don’t you think?” and “Yes, her parents would be so proud” and “Maybe releasing twenty-three frogs in church wasn’t really such a sin. After all, she must have worked very diligently and patiently to get her hands on so many of them,” to which she would reply, quite levelly and not at all smugly, “Surely your praise ought to go to Christ our Lord, who gave me my great sisterly charity and prodigious frog-catching skills.” All told, she managed to keep it up for about a week.

43 - Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

Closer to the former than the latter, seeing as I just admitted to being a pretty solidly whumpy writer, but I would say it's quite to the sadistic point -- I have not infrequently made myself cry writing fic, and am very much a hurt/comfort writer, with certain exceptions when there's a good narrative to be had. I guess I just really like putting characters through the wringer for a good reason and often seeing them patched up and taken care of in the aftermath. Or, alternatively, for what they went through to have an impact or mean something.

This is all uh, probably somewhat revealing about myself and my own experiences, but at least that's what writing is for.

60 - Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

I have and it's always the sort of thing that makes me flustered but in, like a good way. The most prominent example being that my somewhat regular (used to be very, now is hindered by The Curse) beta reader these days, my qpp @scribefindegil was someone whose fic I really looked up to for YEARS and now I just get to hand her my laptop and say "Hey, do you want to read this?" all the time. Sounds fake and made-up.

[connorwhumpaddict]

“A whole new world (without pain)” (Connor whump w/Friendship gender neutral reader) ❤️‍🩹

Summary: Connor is wound up and in constant pain from his overused and strained muscles and joints, but doesn’t realise it isn’t normal since he has functioned like that since his deviancy. Until reader, a physical/ massage therapist working at the DPD offers him a massage and is horrified to find him so tense. Reader takes the time and care to bring the poor android some much needed relief.

Warnings: none

A/N: I want to specify that I’m in no way a trained physical or massage therapist and therefor I do not guarantee for accuracy in this fic. I did the best I could with research and my own experiences from physical therapy when I’ve been treated for various sport injuries. That said, please be lenient in your judgement if you have better knowledge than me on the area. I just wanted to write a whumpy massage fic for pleasure 👏🏻

Banner: By me

You’d been working at the DPD for a few months by now. The management had decided to try and do something to nurture a more healthy environment for the precinct’s increasingly stressed out personnel and one of their initiatives was hiring you as a full time physiotherapist. You had been offered a well equipped treating area upstairs where you offered treatment, consultations and the occasionally rehab session for all the precinct’s officers and other personnel.

Every Tuesday and Friday however people could book you as you’d do rounds and offer 15 minutes of shoulder/ neck massages at peoples own desks to help them loosen tight muscles that inevitably would come from being hunched over a computer screen for too long at a time. Today was Tuesday and your were making your was down to the bullpen. You looked at your pad to see who was your first appointment; Chris Miller.

You smiled as you entered the open office. You loved doing what you did and the people you worked with. You loved to help them feel better, to soothe aches and ease peoples pain. It might not feel like much, but you knew how much difference you did for your patients and that was reward enough in itself.

“Time to get to work.” You muttered cheerily to yourself.

You entered the office and was immediately greeted warmly by most of the people on shift, many which you had appointments with during your day. But first thing first, you made your way to officer Miller’s work station. “Chris you and I have a date my man!” You called in a cheerful voice.

Chris looked up from his screen and smiled. “We sure do! Thank god you’re here Y/N, my neck is killing me. I’ve been looking forward to this all week!”

“Well, lets see what we can do for you then.” You replied as you settled behind his chair. You set the 15 minute timer on your watch and placed your hands on his shoulders to do what you did best.

—

Your day went ahead as scheduled until you reached your last appointment of the day. You looked around the office for Officer Pearson who wasn’t at her desk, as was protocol when you’d been booked.

“Anyone seen Pearson?” You asked out into the room.

“Yeah, she had to go home with a stuffed nose and fever ten minutes ago.” Lieutenant Hank Anderson answered you from his own desk.

“Oh, poor her. I hope she feel better soon.” You said in compassion.

“She asked us to offer you her apologies for not having enough time to cancel her appointment with you, but she didn’t want to risk infecting you.” Connor, Anderson’s partner and more or less adopted son, added from his own seat across from the lieutenant. You’d spoken to him a few times and found him really kind and sweet, but he’d never booked your services himself even though he’d made Anderson come see you a few times when his back would act up, as the man was often too stubborn to do anything about it before he was in incapacitating pain.

“That’s alright, but seems like I have a slot open then. Why don’t I work on you Connor? You’ve never taken advantage of my service before, its about time I’d say.” You offered the kind android.

Connor seemed a little taken aback by your offer and made his LED spin yellow a few times in contemplation. “I’ve no need of your service, I’m functioning at full capacity.” He answered.

“Yeah, but you can still enjoy a massage without it having to be about increasing function. I’ve worked on Susan and Michael plenty of times and they seem to enjoy it.” You said, referring to the precinct’s android receptionist team, and made your way closer to the desks. You’d found that android’s synthetic muscles weren’t all that different from human’s. The anatomy was basically the same, but android’s muscles were more durable and could handle a lot more strain before getting injured, tense or pulled.

“It just seems like a waste of your time, Y/N. There’s probably someone more in need of your attention than me taking your last appointment for simple.. Enjoyment.” Connor rationalised.

“I promise you it’s not a ‘waste of my time’ and you’re not hogging my time from anyone else.” You reassured the detective.

Connor seemed on the verge to protest again when the lieutenant cut in. “Come on kid, you deserve to unwind a bit. You’ve been working cases back to back for the last three weeks. Treat yourself a little. I promise you it’s worth it.”

“Yeah Connor, seriously try it! Y/N’s the best!! You’ll feel like you’re floating afterwards.” Chris Miller added from his seat across the room.

Connor was silent a few seconds later, but finally gave in. “Alright then, I suppose I could try it.” He agreed.

You smiled warmly and made your way the last few paces to take your stand behind his chair. “Can you remove your blazer please, the less layers the better.” You requested as you set your timer.

Connor did as you asked and removed his grey blazer to lay it across his desk before he leaned slightly forward, resting his forearms on there as well, as he’d seen your other patients do to give you a better reach to his neck and broad shoulders.

You placed your hands on each shoulder with your thumbs at base of his neck and applied a firm pressure to work into the muscle and.. Nothing.. Despite your strong force there was absolutely no give in the tissue beneath your fingers. You bit your lip and applied all your strength which were saying something (in your profession you had to have strong hands to work) and this time you did manage to make the muscle give just the tiniest bit as you swept your thumbs upwards. Beneath you, you heard Connor let out an almost inaudible hiss an saw his LED switch to yellow at his temple.

You eased up the pressure again and lowered your hands to asses across and under his shoulders, feeling your concern grow as you already had a suspicion on what you were going to find. Sure enough, you might as well have been trying to palpate a brick wall! Never in your life had you felt this tight and wound up muscles and it went down his whole back. The fact that android synthetic muscles were much more resistance to exactly this kind of tension only made it that much more horrifying that it’d gotten to be this bad. This wasn’t just something he’d developed overnight, this had been accumulation for a long, long time, how was he even functioning?! You knew androids feel pain because of a mutation in their code when they deviate so he had to be in absolute agony!

You tried to switch over to using the entire heel of your hand so you could use your entire body weight to try and loosen the rock hard knots under his right shoulder.

Connor’s light abruptly turned red and he let out another hiss of pain although much louder this time, his eyes pinched shut. “I’m sorry to say this, but.. This is not as pleasant as you made it out to be.” He groaned through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, no kidding!” You groaned yourself, but you from exertion. “My world Connor, what have you done to yourself? I’ve never felt anyone this tense!”

Anderson looked over at the two of you his eyes starting to show a growing worry. “What’s going on son? Did you hurt yourself again and didn’t tell me?” The older man’s voice held a slight hint of accusation, as if it wouldn’t be the first time Connor had been hiding injury from him.

“No Hank, I-” Another pained gasp interrupted him as you kept trying to make the unrelenting musculature give under your ministrations. “I promise I didn’t!” He finished his head leaned forwards to hide his pinched, pained expression.

“Well, I saw you literally lift a car yesterday to help a man fix his flat tire, you sure you didn’t pull something?” Officer Thomsen chipped in from his own workspace.

“That car only weighed 55% of my maximum capacity.” Connor defended himself.

“And you did jump out a window from the second floor last week when you chased that Red Ice dealer.” Tina added.

“I rolled when I landed!” Connor exclaimed as if that was a reasonable explanation.

“Oh, maybe it was when you..”

“Alright, I think I get the picture.” You interrupted before people could add to the list of reckless behaviour the android may have overtaxed himself while doing. You could feel him tense up even further (how little possible that should have been) beneath your hands. Clearly Connor weren’t comfortable being the centre of attention like this so you thought better to save him from the situation.

“This is an issue Connor, but not something that isn’t fixable. I can’t work probably on you like this however, this needs special attention.” You explained and pulled your hands off him, Connor’s LED turned back from red to yellow in relief. “You need to come see me first thing tomorrow morning in my clinic upstairs though.”

Connor turned slightly in his seat to look at you.“But, I’m working the Jackson case, I can’t..”

“Don’t worry about the case son, Thomsen and I got it covered you just.. Do what you need to do to get better.” Lieutenant Anderson interjected.

“But Captain Fowler expects me to..” Connor tried again.

“I expect my officers to prioritise their health and well-being so I don’t have to worry about sending them out in the field!” Captain Fowler suddenly appeared from the break room, holding a cup of coffee in hand. “If Y/N deems it necessary for you to receive immediate treatment that’s what you’ll do detective.” The man said in a voice that left no room for discussion.

Connor visibly deflated a bit in his seat. “Yes sir.” He still replied respectfully.

“Sooo.. Shall we say 8am tomorrow?” You asked Connor directly for affirmation.

Connor offered you a nod. “Yes, I’ll be there.”

“Alright then, see you tomorrow then Connor.” You walked out the office towards your clinic, you needed to go into this prepared.

—

The next morning Connor walked into your clinic at 8am sharp.

“Good morning.” You greeted the detective cheerfully.

“Good morning Y/N. I’m here for my appointment.” He greeted you back professionally.

You grinned a bit. “Yeah I figured. Please take off your jacket, shirt and shoes, but keep standing. I need to do some mobility tests first.” You asked as you lay a clean white sheet across the treatment table.

Connor did as you asked and removed his blazer, draping it across the back of a nearby chair before he tugged off his black tie, unbuttoned his white dress shirt and laid them on the chair as well, lastly toeing off his shoes.

You moved to stand behind him on his right side, but made sure you were still visible in his periphery vision. “First, make sure to let me know if anything feels too uncomfortable of painful, alright?” You instructed.

“Yes, I understand.” Connor agreed readily.

Satisfied you began your examination. “Can you bend forward as far as you can please?” Connor did, he bent all the way down until he was touching the floor flat with both hands. It took you slightly aback that he could manage it after you’d felt how tight his muscles were yesterday, that movement should be much too painful to preform to that extend. As that thought crossed your mind you noticed his LED had changed from a calm blue to a fast spinning yellow at his temple, but his expression was as calm as ever.

“Okay, and back up.” You instructed.

Once again Connor did as you asked and you watched as his LED returned to a flicker between blue and yellow. You gently placed a hand on the side of both his shoulders. “Now stretch as far as you can to the left.” You guided his movement as he did while you watched both the range of his movement but also his LED. You made him repeat the motion to the other side and, as before, he seemed to have full range, but each time he was in outer positions his LED would flicker to fast spinning yellow.

“Have a seat on the table please.” You asked and Connor got up on the surface in compliance.

“Just relax as much as you can while I guide your joints through some movements and remember, tell me if anything feels too painful.” You repeated and did some extensive mobility checks on both of his elbows and wrists and then had him lay down flat on the padded table and tested both his knee and ankle joints as well. You could move them all in almost full range, but you felt a distinct resistance in all of his joints while doing so. Throughout it all Connor’s LED again spun yellow and if you hadn’t been looking so closely you’d probably never have noticed, but you could see how his eyes tightened just the tiniest bit in discomfort as you worked. The android never uttered a single complaint however. When you stopped you noticed Connor let of a small sigh of relief.

“Okay, please sit up for a bit.”

Connor sat up in a fluent motion and leaned back on his hands braced on the table behind him and looked at you intently, showing he was listening. You pulled up a desk chair and took a seat so you could sit facing him.

“I just want to talk to you a bit before we begin treatment to understand you a bit better.” You said, making sure to keep you voice soft and empathic.

“Okay.”

“During these initial range of motion tests we just completed, did any of them feel just slightly uncomfortable or painful?” You asked him.

Connor looked a bit confused by your question. “Yes.” He answered honestly.

“Did it feel very uncomfortable or painful even? I saw your LED shift quite a lot.” You pushed.

Connor looked a bit hesitant to answer, but eventually did. “I suppose it did, yes.”

“All of them hurt you to do, right?” You stated more than asked and was confirmed when Connor answered with a simple. “Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything? I told you to let me know if anything hurt.” You asked, careful to not sound accusing, but more curious and maybe a bit worried.

“Technically, you told me to let you know if anything felt too painful or uncomfortable and it didn’t feel any worse or more painful than it has always been whenever I move around, so I saw no point in stating the obvious.” Connor explained in a very matter-of-fact way.

You looked at him for a few seconds, only blinking a few times as you processed that sentence. Once you’d gone over it a few times in your head and was sure you’d understood correctly you opened your mouth to get clarity. “I’m sorry Connor, but.. Are you telling me you’ve been this tense and felt pain whenever you’re moving? Like.. Since you deviated?”

Connor started to look very confused. “I mean.. Yeah.. The pain is always there in the background it always has been. It’s worse when I move or I need to push myself physically in the field, of course but..” His confusion ebbed away into uncertainty as he watched your expression change into one of deep worry and sympathy in front of him. “But.. Isn’t that.. Normal?” He finished in a thinner voice.

You shook your head slowly. “God.. No.. No Connor.. Your body isn’t supposed to hurt all the time.. That’s..” You paused, collecting yourself a bit. “Can you tell me if you suffered any injuries before you deviated?”

Connor’s eyes turned unfocused and his LED spun yellow, this time because he was processing his time from his activation up until his deviation. It only took five seconds before his brown eyes returned back to you, alert once more, and he started to sum up his findings;

“I was shot in both my shoulders, I was gut punched by detective Reed, been tackled, I was hit by two cars on the highway, I fell off a building twice, fell through a window, I was in a few fights, once a deviant ripped out my thirium pump and stabbed my hand to a counter with a kitchen knife then-”

“Alright, I get it. That’s plenty, thank you!” You interrupted his list sensing he wasn’t near done but having heard plenty to make a calculated conclusion “Your body suffered so much trauma and injury before you deviated, that being in constant pain has become your ‘normal’, because that’s how its always been for you ever since you became deviant.. It’s horrible that’s how it’s been for you, but it explains a lot.”

Connor seems to process your words for a few seconds. “Oh.. I suppose that makes sense..” He muttered then rubbed his neck and sighed. “Well, I feel a bit foolish now to be honest.. I just.. I really thought it was normal to feel this way..” He looked at you slightly lost. “It wasn’t until yesterday, after you seemed so shocked at my condition, I began to suspect something wasn’t right..”

“Hey.” You placed a gentle hand on the android’s knee, catching his eyes again and offered him a soft smile. “It’s not foolish Connor. Not at all! This has just always been your reality. The important thing is now you know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be and I want to do everything I can to help take his pain away from you so you never have to suffer alone like this again, deal?”

Connor seemed to peak up a little by your reassurance and managed a small smile of his own. “Deal.” He agreed.

“Good. Now tell me.. Where do you find your pain to be most intense for you most days?”

“My shoulders, lower back and both my knees usually causes me most discomfort.”

“Then that’s the areas we’ll focus on first, starting with your back today. Now I’m sorry but I’m afraid this won’t be very pleasant, at least not to begin with, but it’s a necessary evil. Just promise me to let me know if you need a break or if something feels off, I know your pain threshold is high but that just makes it that more important for you to comunicate with me, ok?”

Connor nodded. “I understand Y/N. I’ll do my best.”

Satisfied you instructed Connor to take off his pants as well and get situated under the sheet draped over the table on his front, to make sure he was as comfortable as possible and giving you unobstructed access to his entire back without issue. You left the room briefly to give him some privacy to get settled and used the time to fetch the oil you were going to use. When you returned the android was laying as instructed.

You made sure to announce your presence before you gently placed a hand on his bare shoulder. “Since your synthetic muscles in your entire back is so tense and knotted already I’m going to use a massage gun-” You showed him the device in your other hand under the table where his face peaked through the hole supporting the head. “- to help me loosen you up while sparring my hands a bit. It uses a combination of vibrations and heat and can feel a bit intense, but it hardly makes any noise so again, if you need a break or anything else just let me know.”

“I will.”

“Good, I’m gonna begin then.” You turned the gun on a medium setting, making the rounded ball in the front vibrate back and forth. You touched the tip and could feel a pleasant warmth emanating from it as well, ready to seep in and help loosen the tight muscles. With practiced ease you pressed it down to run along his upper neck and down the trapezius muscle on his left.

Connor let out a soft groan as no doubt the sensation aggravated his sore synthetic tissue. You winched a bit in sympathy, but there really was nothing for it and repeated the motion on his other side with the same response. You worked over his neck and shoulder area for about 10 minutes and then moved on to run the palpating device down along the dorsi muscles next to his spine. The hand not holding the gun ran ahead, feeling out where the worst knots were located so you could pause and work out the worst tension where it’s most needed. Connor kept as silent and stoic throughout the session as well as you suspected, but still couldn’t suppress the occasional hiss or groan of discomfort whenever you needed to work out a tight knot. You managed to reach his lower back where, sure enough, the tension was worst. You’d just located a particular hard knot on the right side and moved the gun over it when you felt Connor tense up gripping the edge of the table and pushed his chest off with a gasp.

“Break..” He called out. “I need a break, please.” He groaned out in a pained voice.

You immediately pulled away, turning off the massage gun and setting it on a table next to you. “Of course.” You walked over to a storage cupboard where you’d stacked up different kinds of thirium packs and selected a lemon ice tea flavoured one, you’d been assured by Hank was one of the detective’s favourites. “Here, try and drink a bit of this.” You offered.

Connor looked up at the offered drink as he lay with his elbows resting on the surface of the padded table. His face was flushed blue and there were a tightens around his eyes. He accepted the blue blood and took a generous drink. “Thanks.” He breathed and allowed you to take back the half empty pack. “Sorry, I just.. That spot has always been.. Troublesome..” He explained, avoiding eye contact and looking slightly embarrassed about his outburst.

“No need to apologise, I know this isn’t pleasant, but you’re doing really well. I you prefer we can call it a day and pick up again tomorrow.” You proposed.

Connor shook his head gently. “No it’s okay.. I can take it.”

“It’s not an issue being able to take it Connor, I know you can, but this is not a race. Your health is what’s most important and we’ll get you sorted in a tempo your body is comfortable with and no faster.”

Connor looked at you and seemed to muse over your words for a few moments before he nodded solemnly. “I understand, still.. I feel okay to continue for a bit more.” He said honestly.

You took his words at face value. “Alright, I promise I’ll be gentle.”

After he’d settled back down you picked up the massage gun once more, but adjusted it to a lower setting. You positioned it back down on the knotted tissue, being careful to only apply a mild pressure. Connor tensed up again for a few seconds before you felt him pulling a few deep breaths, forcing his body to try and relax as much as possible. You worked the area over, taking your time as you gradually increased the pressure, feeling the muscle give little by little. Once there was some give and the muscle beneath had been penetrated with enough warmth you turned off the machine and picked the good oil, pumped a bit into you palm to warm in your hands.

“I’m just going to try and loosen you up some more with my hands, keep breathing for me.” You informed softly.

“Okay..” Connor huffed.

You placed your hands down and glided across the still tense muscle to work the oil in. Using your thumbs and heel of your hands you worked slowly deeper and deeper into the straining fibres. Your patience was rewarded when you finally felt the hard knot release.

Connor couldn’t hold back a deep and long groan of pure relief as he felt a huge portion of that constant tension that’d been his companion all days suddenly easing. “Aaaahhhh!”

You smiled triumphantly. “There we go.” You coaxed as you kept rubbing the area throughly for a few more minutes. You shifted over to work out the worst tension on the left side as well, using your own body weight to borrow deep, goading more deep groans of content from the android. You worked your way upwards again, this time keeping your touch and pressure more gentle and alleviating, letting the soothing oli and warmth from the friction of your hands do their things. Returning to the shoulders and neck, you kneaded the muscles along the natural alignment on both sides until you reached all the way up to the hollow in the back of the neck, moving and working down one arm then the other and repeating.

“I’m.. Starting to see why- Ahhh~ People enjoy yo- oohhhh~ ur treatments.. Ah! That’s good right there!” Connor groaned as you worked out yet another knot under his left shoulder blade. He could feel more and more tension melt from his overworked muscles the more you worked.

“See, told you I was good.” You joked with a smile, pleased to see that Connor’s pain and discomfort had eased considerably already. You worked and loosened the tight muscles for another 10 minutes, then did a last sweeping, calming rub down of his entire back area before you pulled back after one last lingering touch. You took one of your soft, white flannels and gently wiped down the excess oil from the android’s back in soothing motions.

“There, I think that’s enough for today. Try and sit up, but do it slowly, you might find yourself a bit lightheaded.”

Connor did as you asked and pushed himself up to sit on the table, keeping the sheet covering his legs. He experimentally rolled his shoulders and twisted his back slightly from side to side and looked at you with a smile and joy in his eyes. “It feels so much better already! This is amazing!!” He grinned.

You couldn’t hold back a wide smile of your own. Seeing the immense relief and restitution just one session had helped the strained android detective was what made your work so rewarding. There was still a long way to go, but this was a good start. “I’m so glad. We’ll get you up and running pain free before you know it. Here..” You handed him the last half of the thirium pack. “Drink this up before you get up and get dressed and let’s set you up for another treatment tomorrow to work on you joints, sounds good?”

Connor nodded his consent as he took a sip of his thirium. “Yes, very good. Thanks for taking care of me Y/N.”

“Of course Connor, always. That’s what I’m here for.” You smiled softly. “Take all the time you need ok, I’ll be in the other room filling out your chart, but let me know before you’re leaving.”

“I will, thank you.” Connor smiled back.

—

Over the course of the following three weeks Connor came to you for treatment several times a week to work out his many issues. Many of your sessions would start off painful and uncomfortable for the android, but he said the initially pain was worth it for the relief you’d always bring him at the end of each visit. During this time the two of you grew closer and closer and a rewarding friendship formed between you as you found each other’s company both highly enjoyable and humorous. Little by little Connor improved, thanks to your expertly help and guidance, until he’d made a full recovery and could finally feel how much easier he could move and work without being in constant pain. It was a whole new world for him and he treasured every minute of his new existence.

It was the annual DPD barbecue party and Hank had graciously offered his yard and house to host it. Since Connor had entered his life the previously grumpy lieutenant had grown much more sociable and outgoing as he’d learned to enjoy life once again. The entire precinct, you included, stood spread out in the sunny yard. Hank and Ben were manning the grill as people talked, laughed and enjoyed a cold beer or other beverage. A few of the younger officers were taking advantage of the spacious lawn to play a game of football, which Connor participated in very enthusiastically. You watched in amusement as Connor caught the ball and dodged several attempts at tackling as he advanced towards the designated touchdown area in the other end of the yard. He made it all the way and threw the ball to the ground with a joyful cheer and then proceeded to do a freaking backflip in celebration to the chorus of cheers and laughs from his teammates.

“Are you sure your aren’t using you preconstructive softwear to cheat?!” Chris panted with his hands on his knees after having unsuccessfully chased Connor.

“I am not! My speed and dexterity has just improved 21% after Y/N helped me. It’s not my fault I’m too fast for you!” Connor teased in a laughing voice.

Chris looked towards you where you sat in a lawn chair under the shadow of a parasole, drink in your hand. “Damn it Y/N! Why’d you have to make him so damn fast?!” The man yelled at you, clearly joking.

You laughed and lifted your drink in salute. “Because I could! A little competition is healthy Chris!”

“Ah, you young folks are just too soft on him, let me show you how it’s done!” Captain Fowler suddenly chipped in and ran over to join the lineup.

“Alright captain! You’re going down now punks!” Tina cheered and made some taunting gestures towards the opposing team.

“Bring it on!” Connor replied, backing towards his own lineup with his arms spread invitingly and grinning.

“That’s right, give them hell son!!” Hank cheered and clacked his grill tongs loudly.

You laughed heartedly at the joyful atmosphere that filled the warm summer air and you felt proud and happy to see how much Connor could now enjoy life a whole new way thanks to your help.

THE END

[faofinn]

Swing Life Away

As promised, here it is! Sorry for the delay, life got whumpy lol

"You're kinda cute, you know?"

"Yeah? Thanks." Harrison shook his head with a smile as he returned to his notes. "Have a few days rest, keep off that ankle and you should be back to normal in a few weeks.”

“I’m serious.”  

“Who have you got to pick you up, Taidgh?”

“How about you?” He joked, and then at Harrison’s look, sighed. “My roommate drove me in.”

“Great. Do you want me to go get them?”

“Yeah.”

Glad to be away from his flirting for a few moments, Harrison headed into the waiting room to find Taidgh's friend. He was easy enough to find and Harrison brought him back through to where Taidgh was waiting.

“He’s had a bit of morphine, and he’ll need someone to keep an eye on him for a few hours.” Harrison told him. “Try and make sure he stays off the ankle as much as possible to let it heal. Ice it regularly and use painkillers as needed.”

“Alright, thank you. Tai, you ready?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Can I get your number before I go?” Harrison laughed. “Maybe wait until you’re not hopped up on painkillers before you ask things like that.”

“Oh, I’m serious.” 

“Yeah? Alright then. I’ll see you later.”

His friend laughed, leading him away. “Come on, you. Let’s keep it in your pants. Thanks again, and sorry.”

“It’s no problem. Take care.” He called as they left, returning to the nurses station with a smile. It always amused him dealing with patients like that, and he’d much prefer flirting over fighting. He joked with the nurses as he finished the paperwork, and then headed onto the next patient, a smile on his face.

It was the start of his next run of shifts, thankfully days, but it was slow going. The patients he had were quickly sorted, either sent home or admitted. For once, there were beds available, and they didn’t stay long in the ED. He had a run of patients just before his lunch, and was just about to disappear when one of the nurses called him over.

“Hars? One of the physios called earlier, wanted a call back.”

“Finn’s around, isn’t he? Can you get him to do it? I’m going on my lunch, I’m starved.”

“Finn answered the bleep to start with. They asked for you.”

He groaned. “For fuck’s sake. Right, I’ll do this and get this over with. I don’t get why they call us. They don’t need us, they’ve got plenty of toys up there to play with without disturbing us.”

The phone rang several times before there was an answer. “Physio department.”

“Yeah, hi. It’s Dr Cunningham from the ED. I was asked to phone you back? Apparently you couldn’t annoy my colleague instead.”

“Oh, yeah, great, give me two seconds and I’ll pass you over.”

“Sure, okay.” More waiting. He rolled his eyes, tapping his pen on the desk in front of him.

“Hey, you said to wait until I wasn’t hopped up on pain meds.”

Harrison was silent. It had been a joke, he’d been his patient, but he couldn’t help the flip in his stomach. “Uh, hi.”

“Sorry, this is really weird, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, a bit.” 

“Sorry, sorry. I just… you were cute and I thought I’d shoot my shot.” He paused. “I’m going to go and die of embarrassment.”

“Hey, no, no. Don’t go.” He spoke before his brain caught up. “Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll text you?”

“I’m about to go on lunch, I could come down and say hi?” He hesitated. “I was about to have mine, too. We could meet in the caf?”

“Great, it’s a date!” 

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Harrison said, the phone already dead. What had he just agreed to?

He was ridiculously nervous as he waited, standing at the door of the cafeteria. He wasn't normally nervous, and he had no reason to be. They were just having lunch, it was a one off, nothing serious.

"Hey, Dr Harrison, right?" 

He turned. "Uh, hi. It's just Harrison."

"What, no first name?" He teased.

"No, Harrison is my name. Just Harrison."

"Alright. Don't think I can really say anything, can I? A name like Taidgh? Nobody normally gets it right the first time."

"I've got - one of the surgeons here, he's called Faolan. That's a mouthful too."

"Another Irish too? We'll take over the hospital eventually." 

Harrison laughed. "I'm sure you will. So, lunch? I'm starving."

"God, me too. Come on."

[deans-spinster-witchs-favorites]

Oh, this one was so wonderful, but damn, it hit me right in the feels! I love her ability, and her kindness in helping the spirits, and how sweet things are with her and Jason. The reveal is so funny, I laughed at her offer to walk back out and back in again! And I absolutely loved her simple “OK” and “I love you, y’know. You running around in a onesie getting shot at doesn’t change that.” Atta girl!

But then Matty’s case, and the revelation! “there is such a look of horror and fear in his eyes…never of you and your abilities, but for what and who he fears you might see clinging to him...He is terrified that you can see the monster he has always feared himself to be. That all of his sins are arrayed around him, inescapable and unforgivable.” Damn, it got dusty in here!

“You don’t get the chance to tell him that all you see is…that 15-year old boy always tells you when Jason comes back hiding an injury or asks you to make sure he’s eating more than cigarettes. You don’t get to tell him that even from beyond the grave, Jason Todd never stopped saving people.” I smell onions…oh, no. No, no, no… “Go, go after him. He needs you more than I do right now.” The ghost of Jason Todd gives you one more desperate look, before running out into the cold after his older self. Now, now you’re truly alone.” I am undone - the onion ninjas have slain me, I am crying - this is so good!

I had to go back and reread from the beginning, to make sure Red Hood Jason wasn’t a ghost too - I’m stuck home with Covid, so don’t quite trust my brain right now. 15 year old Jason must be tied to adult Jason - otherwise surely he would have come back to check on her? Tell her Jason was ok? If she hadn’t managed to help Matty move on, maybe she could go back and find him and ask him what happened, then get word to the BatFam so Jason would have closure, even if he wouldn’t speak to her ever again? My heart is broken that a) he can’t trust their love enough to know that if legions of ghosts were following him around, she would have said something; b) if she’d never joked about something like this before, why would she start now? and c) if he’s hurting, doesn’t he think that leaving her never to return would shatter her? This just hurts my heart for the reader so much, not just for Jason. Surely Dick or one of them would start digging and find out about all the anonymous tips, Stephanie would reach out to her after seeing the change in Jason to find out what happened?

I was typing this in my docs (I’m on my phone) and didn’t want you to think I was criticizing your story, but it was so good it just really got under my skin! So I went back to your page to find the link to it, and started laughing so much I started a huge coughing jag - I’m a total idiot, and was right not to trust my brain - it’s listed under SERIES, so you’ve got more planned! I have never been so happy to be an eejit in my whole life! I was just going to delete this whole thing to save myself the embarrassment, but then thought you deserved to know how captivated I was by this. I love my angsty and whumpy stories, and you have the angst dialed to 11 in this one - I can’t wait to see what happens next!

The Ghost of You

jason todd x f!reader

summary: you’re in love with jason todd but he doesn’t know you can see ghosts. he finds out.

tags: fluff, off screen sex, angst, supernatural elements

rated mature | wc: 4.2k

a/n: finally got around to writing up the fic idea I sent in this ask. there will be a happy ending (eventually) so please bear with me

It’s cold in the apartment. The curtains are blowing in the empty breeze, window open from when it was wrenched wide. I should close that, you think numbly to yourself, but you’re not really sure that your legs will hold you long enough to cross the room. There’s pins and needles racing through your calves, spreading up to your thighs but you don’t have it in yourself to care. Jason’s gone, maybe never coming back.

On the day you met Jason, his grin was bright like the sun. You’d met at the local library when you dropped your stack of books heading to the return desk. Scrabbling to pick up your books and get out of the way, you’d bumped hands with someone. Looked up to meet his eyes and seen the sun. Jason had helped you gather up the fallen books, accidentally knocking his knuckles into yours the whole time. He’d picked up The Scarlet Pimpernel from the scattered pile and started an enthusiastic conversation about it. By the time you’d left the library, you’d gotten his number in your phone and a new book under your arm.

You’d been so distracted by your conversation that you’d forgotten to stop by and say hello to Ms. Einarsdottir in the romance novel section. Given that she’s been dead for 38 years, she probably won’t mind you missing your weekly greeting, but it’s the principle of the thing. You end up going back to the library the next day to make your apologies but the old ghost is so excited to hear about your meet cute that the two of you end up discussing it for almost an hour. The lovely woman even helps you write your first text to Jason, hovering over your shoulder and gently trying to dictate to you.

You had first seen Ms. Einarsdottir when you were six years old and looking for your mother after losing her in all the tall bookshelves. Despite it being a summer’s day this particular section of the library had been cool, a lure for any overheated child. Rounding a shelf, an older woman with her thick white hair in a braid and half-moon spectacles perched on her nose had been reading a book with a bright cover.

Tilting your head to make out the title better, you had asked, “Whatcha readin’?”

The poor woman had startled, badly, then scolded you for being in a section for grown ups. She’d relaxed when you’d asked if she’d seen your mother, placed her book down on the little reading table and engaged you in a conversation all about yourself. Your mother had found you there nearly 20 minutes later, sitting cross legged in front of an empty chair and discussing your new favourite hair bows in an excited whisper. Your mother had squeezed your hand tightly as she walked you out of the library, so engrossed in scolding you that she didn’t notice you wave over your shoulder to the incorporeal woman.

That had been your first meeting with Ms. Einarsdottir, though certainly not the last. She’d become a grandmother figure to you over the years, and nearly every week you were in Gotham you had made a point of going in to see her. She had been your first ghost.

You can see ghosts. You’ve been able to ever since Ms. Einarsdottir, and for you they’re as real as any living person. There’s no great trauma or origin story for this ability. One day you had just woken up, walked into the Gotham Public Library, and started seeing ghosts. You don’t tell anyone, really. There’s enough flavours of weird in Gotham that people would probably believe you, but it would feel strange to go around announcing this ability. As a child you were scared you’d be bullied for it, still were for seemingly talking to yourself until you’d gotten better at disguising whispers. As an adult, you’re not sure how much good it would do to say anything. You can’t summon the dead to help those grieving a loss, and most of the time the ghosts you meet simply need to be reminded they’re dead in order to move in. Most people wouldn’t want others digging into their business while they’re alive, why would they feel differently when they’re dead?

So for the most part you live an ordinary life. You wake up and go to work at the hospital. You go out to dinners with friends and on disappointing dates. Maybe sometimes in between you remind an old man that no one else can see that he’s no longer living, or give directions to a little boy that everyone else just walks right through. Occasionally the Gotham Police might get an anonymous tip on a years old murder. It’s your normal.

Your new normal with Jason is so, so good. You fit together in places you didn’t even realize were missing. The first date quickly turns into five, laughter bright and constant. Jason volunteers on the weekends, then comes to pick you up from your shifts with your favourite sandwich from the deli near Crime Alley. He brings flowers to every date and his hands tremble the first time he unzips your little black dress. He’s downright adorable when you kiss him on the cheek after offering to drop you off for brunch with your friends. Your friends giggle over him as he pulls away from the curb, demanding details. It’s easy loving him and being loved by him.

You move into his apartment, too quickly according to his little brothers. Dinners out with friends turn into entertaining at home, and taking it in turns bringing dishes that fill the apartment with mouthwatering smells. Nights out at the movies ending with heated discussions about how “the physics of explosives don’t work like that” curled up on the couch. Jokes from Dick about domesticating Jason, as the man himself childishly sticks his tongue out behind his brother’s back. Agreeing to be a plus one at a gala only if there will be french fries after. Hiding smiles behind glasses of champagne as you watch him try to navigate the crush of flirtatious socialites. You love him so much, and if the completely unsubtle questions about your taste in jewellery are anything to go by, you’ll get to love him forever.

Jason doesn’t so much tell you he’s the Red Hood as dump the evidence in your lap by accident. You’re home early (or late as it is), having been bumped to an earlier return flight from a girl’s trip after your best friend got dumped over text. You weren’t supposed to be back for another 16 hours, a fact that Jason clearly was counting on. Juggling your purse and your suitcase, you’re not paying attention as you walk through the door, trying to put your keys away. There’s voices in the living room that go dead silent as you turn the corner. Looking up to see who’s visiting, you freeze.

Dick’s sitting on your couch, a bag of frozen peas held against the bruise blooming on his cheekbone. He’s wearing Nightwing’s suit and the blue domino is on the coffee table, pushed out to make room for all of the people currently invading your living room. There’s Stephanie right next to him, frozen mid-bite, pizza almost falling out of her black-and purple gloves. Tim’s on the floor, leaning against Steph’s legs, looking more exhausted than usual and horrified. Lastly, there’s Jason. Sitting in the far corner of the couch, feet in Dick’s lap, with the Red Hood’s damaged helmet cradled in his lap. You stare at each other, and you can feel your jaw physically drop. The cheese on Steph’s pizza slips right off, landing in her lap with a wet sound breaking the moment.

“I can walk right back out and come in again?” You offer up weakly.

It breaks the hold of silence on the room, suddenly everyone talking at once. Except for Jason. He stares at you and you can’t look away, the clamour of voices fading away under the strength of your gaze. He swallows, hard.

“Stay, please? I can explain.” And he does.

It takes hours, and you steal slices of cold pizza for yourself. Tim and Steph are fast asleep on each other by the end and Dick’s had to switch out the melted peas for an ice pack you’ve fished out the back of the freezer. Jason’s scared, you can tell. Keeps starting and stopping, lets Dick take over the threads of the story, fidgets with the hem of his jacket and keeps turning the helmet over in his hands.

“—so that’s everything. Uh, I’m the Red Hood.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it? Just ‘okay’?” He repeats in disbelief.

“Yup. I’m probably going to have a thousand questions for you once I’m not exhausted from traveling all day, but okay. You’re the Red Hood. Which, actually explains a lot of things, if I’m being honest. But,” and you clap your hands together, “that’s going to wait because I’m pretty sure we’re all going to pass out any minute. Dick, you’re welcome to the couch if you can help Jason move those two,” and you point at the sleepers, “over to the guest bedroom.”

Guests taken care of, you push up off the floor, grab your bags, and head to the bedroom. You drop your bags just inside the door, a task for future you to deal with. Stumbling over tired feet, you manage to wash your face and change into pyjamas before falling into bed. Jason comes in, stands in the doorway hand on the knob, like he can’t bring himself to get any closer. You flop your arm out and pat his empty side of the bed.

“S’cold. You coming to bed soon?”

It takes another breath before he starts to move, a silhouette in the light from the hall. He shuffles around, the sounds comforting in their familiarity. The mattress dips under his weight, but he doesn’t curve to the shape of you like he usually does, stiff as a board instead. Huffing out a breath, you wrap an arm around his torso and pull at him until he’s arranged around you the way you like.

“I love you, y’know. You running around in a onesie getting shot at doesn’t change that.” You mumble into the side of his neck.

He says something in reply, but you’re already drifting off to sleep. As far as you’re concerned, anything else can wait. And it does. The next morning you ask as many questions as you can think of as Jason makes a late breakfast for the both of you. You unpack your bags, and he’s still answering questions as you throw in your travel laundry. You can’t hold keeping a secret against him, not when there’s still your own small part of you that you haven’t shared yet.

His revelation does answer the questions you’d been holding onto about late night disappearances, mysterious bruises, and secretive looks over your head with his family. It puts some of the ghosts you’ve seen hanging around into context, tragedies crystallizing in your mind. It brings you closer, even if he’s not willing to share some of the more horrific details of his cases with you. He asks you, once, how you feel about dating the Red Hood. You laugh and call him silly. You’re not dating the Red Hood, you’re in love with Jason Todd. His slow look of quiet wonder is possibly the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, you tell Ms. Einarsdottir (you elect not to tell her about how he’d laid you out in your bed after and eaten you out for hours after, your thighs trembling around his ears).

Together, you piece together a new normal. Jason texts to let you know he’s going on patrol and if he’ll be back before morning. You insist that he lets you know about all of his injuries, even if it’s just a scratch. He stops hiding his work from you, brings home files and folders (without pictures) to spread out on the coffee table and pull out his hair over. He’ll ask you for your input sometimes, a medical perspective on how Scarecrow’s newest fear toxin works biologically or if there’s a pattern between post-mortem reports. It’s not the life you envisioned for yourself, but you love it nonetheless because of who you are building it with.

The thought crosses your mind, occasionally, that you could help more. That instead of calling in anonymous tips on pay phones to the GPD, you could just talk to Jason. But no ghost has told you anything for weeks, or at least nothing related to their deaths and so the urgency to tell him passes. You grow complacent in this new life.

A few months later, and you’re running out of the hospital on your break to try and buy a cup of coffee from the stand in the courtyard. It’s the only place marginally on hospital grounds with half-way decent beans and you need that extra hit of caffeine to get through the last three hours of your shift. In your rush, you almost run through a young boy, managing to stop yourself just in time. He doesn’t seem to notice you at all, staring off at the small slit of the basement window.

“Hello?” You ask, tentative.

He turns, slowly, like he can’t quite be sure that someone’s talking to him. He’s painfully young, scrawny in a way that implies older than he looks but chronically underfed. It’s his eyes that get to you, large enough to swallow up his whole face and blearily lost.

“D’you know the way home, miss?” It’s a whisper on the breeze, barely a sound at all. Something catches his attention then, steals his focus away to an unseen threat that causes his incorporeal body to lock up in fear. He opens his mouth to speak, but no sound comes out.

“Honey, I know you’re probably really scared and confused, but I can see you, okay? Now you might not know this yet, but you’re a ghost now.” There’s horror in the little boy’s eyes, and it’s growing fast. It’s not directed at you, but somewhere behind you. You turn, trying to see over your shoulder, but there’s nothing there but sunshine.

“Listen to me, you’ve died and what is happening right now is you’re caught in a loop of your own death. You just need to realize you’re dead to snap out of it.” It happens sometimes, ghosts caught in the rip curl of their deaths, repeating echoes of it in their disbelief at dying. You reach out, desperately wishing you could hug this child because terror is swallowing him whole. He turns, desperate, and starts running, mouth moving in unheard screams. He runs into an invisible obstacle, scrambling on his hands and knees, and then winks out of existence.

The sunny day is suddenly cold. You look around, but everyone else in the courtyard is unbothered by the sights they did not see. On autopilot, you make it through the line, adding your change to the tip jar and burning the palms of your hands on the hot paper cup. The coffee’s tasteless, only notable for the way it burns down your throat but it gets you through the last of your shift. You can’t erase the image of the boy’s face, young and deathly afraid. It haunts you; you couldn’t forget his face if you’d tried and you’re not sure you should.

Over the next few weeks, a case takes hold of Jason. It possesses him and drives him out of your bed to pour over files he won’t let you see in the dead of night. He won’t speak of it, red-rimmed eyes and stony faced. He can’t sleep over it, mumbles something about not being able to get the images to leave him alone. You push the issue only once, over a shared lunch you had to badger him to take a break for. It goes badly, Jason freezing you out. He apologizes later, for ruining the lunch you’d gone to the effort to make and for hurting you. The two of you have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other, and you never do. It hurts to see him like this. You keep showing support in whatever small gestures he’ll accept, hoping that eventually he’ll open up.

He does. Shoves the files away from him on the coffee table and leans into you where you’re curled up on the couch reading. You wrap your arms around him, fingers curling into his hair as he breaks down.

“I know you know there’s a case. Couple’a weeks ago a kid’s body turned up in the harbour, died on the way to the hospital. He wasn’t the first to be found, but this kid, he would’ve died in so much pain. And it’s tearing me to fucking pieces because every single lead has turned up short.” He has to pause before he can go on, breath thick with emotions. “I care about getting justice for every last one of those kids, but this one, this kid was personal.” You’re pretty sure that there’s hot tears burning a patch on your shoulder, but you say nothing, just keep stroking his hair.

“His name— his name was Matty. You know that community centre I volunteer at on weekends? That’s where I met him. God, he was such a bright kid. Had his whole future planned out, was gonna get out of Crime Alley and become a pianist. Just, he was so young and so full of hope and now none of those dreams are gonna come true.”

It’s evident in the way his voice cracks and his body shakes that he’s taken it so personally that someone so young and under his protection has been snuffed out. Something about this dead boy reminds Jason a little too much of himself. Maybe because they died at the same age, or he was once that scrawny and featherlight too. The police have no leads, chalking it up to just another Crime Alley street kid meeting an inevitable end. He’s got none either, all the evidence drying up and trails gone cold.

Jason tells you more about Matty, how he hated playing sports but was really good at soccer. How he’d been introduced to music in school and found what felt like his purpose in life. How Matty’s parents had worked and saved up to afford lessons for him, sending him down to the community centre to practice on the available piano. The first time Jason had met him, he’d been trying out to play in the orchestra for the musical the community centre was trying to put together and Jason had been helping to run it.

Jason pulls out his phone, swipes with clumsy fingers to find a video from one of Matty’s impromptu concerts at the community centre. The music is a little tinny front the beat up speakers of Jason’s phone, but it’s beautiful. The video’s shot with a shaky hand, and it takes a few seconds for you to really register Matty’s face. When you finally do, your heart plummets and your fingers involuntarily tighten around Jason.

“I know him. I saw him, just the other day.” It comes out before you can stop it, tongue and lips moving before you can stop yourself. The worst part is, it’s true. The Matty in the video is smiling, hamming it up for his audience, but those are the same wide eyes you saw swimming with terror at the hospital. The same bird-like bones and long fingers that had scrabbled at the ground before disappearing. You know this boy’s ghost.

Jason’s looking at you like you’re speaking in a language he’s never even heard of. “If this is a joke, it isn’t funny.”

“Wait, wait. It’s not a joke. Jason, I wouldn’t— I’d never joke about this.” You sit up and draw back, need to see his face, need to let him know exactly how truthful you’re being. “I saw him, the other day, at the hospital.” Jason tries to interrupt you, but you don’t let him speak. “I saw him because he’s a ghost and I can see ghosts and speak to them and I recognized Matty in that video because I saw him the other day and he looked so scared Jay.” You reach out to Jason, not really sure of what you’re looking for, but he pulls back.

“Okay, so maybe this isn’t a joke but I think you need to go get your head checked out if you’re seeing things that aren’t there.” His voice is uncharacteristically thin, like he’s trying to convince himself that this is just a psychological problem and not reality. You’re frustrated and desperate now, needing him to believe in you more than ever because this might actually be the thing to break you if he can’t believe.

“Jay I’m not crazy, or impaired, or suffering any head trauma. Okay? This is real. I’ve been seeing them since I was a kid and I’m telling you I saw Matty the other day. The first time we met, I was heading to the library because there’s a ghost haunting the romance section that I like to visit once in a while. I’ve been calling in tips to the GPD about abandoned bodies for years for the ghosts that can’t do it themselves. With all of the things that go on in Gotham, do you really think that something like this is impossible?”

“Okay, so you can see ghosts. What, do we need to get a Ouija board in here and Matty’ll just tell us what happened?” The words say that he believes you, but his tone screams uncertainty. It’s a start though, even if it’s a misguided one.

“No— ugh, it doesn’t work like that. Ghosts, they get tied to places, people. I can’t call them, I have to go to them.”

“What do you mean, tied to people?” He asks, eyes narrowed and voice tight.

“Like they get attached to a person, maybe someone they have unfinished business with, or maybe that they really cared for. You know, when you told me you were the Red Hood, and I told you that made a lot of things make sense? This was one of them.” And that, that was the absolute worst way you could have tried to explain it.

He jerks back and there is such a look of horror and fear in his eyes. Not of you, never of you and your abilities, but for what and who he fears you might see clinging to him. The choking sensation of grave dirt. The faces of the people he’s killed to make Gotham safer. The enemies he’s made and buried, and the people he was too late to save. Literally the blood on his hands in a twisted parody of Lady Macbeth. He is terrified that you can see the monster he has always feared himself to be. That all of his sins are arrayed around him, inescapable and unforgivable.

“I don’t— I can’t. What— what do you see?” He whispers, almost inaudible. You open your mouth to answer, but the fear of what you might say is too consuming.

Jason is up and running, prying open the window on the fire escape and escaping out into the winter’s night. You can’t do much more than reach after him, sliding off the couch and landing hard on to legs that don’t work.

You don’t get the chance to tell him that all you see is a 15-year old with a gap toothed, blinding grin wearing the Robin colours with pride. You don’t get to tell him that that 15-year old boy always tells you when Jason comes back hiding an injury or asks you to make sure he’s eating more than cigarettes. You don’t get to tell him that even from beyond the grave, Jason Todd never stopped saving people.

“Go, go after him. He needs you more than I do right now.” You whisper.

The ghost of Jason Todd gives you one more desperate look, before running out into the cold after his older self. Now, now you’re truly alone. That’s the thought that shatters you, rips sobs from where you curl in to your gut. Tears burn then grow cold on your face. You lose track of time, sitting there in a heap on the floor.

The wailing of a distant siren finally jolts you from your stupor, enough to start trying to stand. Using the couch, you pull yourself up, stumbling and tripping from the numb tingling in your legs. It’s cold out tonight, the first few flakes of snow starting to drift down. You wrestle with the window, curtains whipping into your face and arms. This window has always been difficult usually it’s Jason’s job but you manage to force it down. Leaving the glass to clean up tomorrow, you stagger off to the bedroom, the hole where your heart was aching. The window stays unlocked though, that night and every other night after. Just in case.

[viva-la-whump]

Whumptober - Day 1

Better late than never, right?! 🙃

I still have 8.5 more prompts to fill, but everything else is written....most of which is still in my notebook....and now I'm transcribing them directly onto tumblr...the day before the 31st...

This will be fine... *gulp*

Anyway, I'm doing something different this year - a 31 chapter story that is sort of acting as a rough draft for a larger story I have in mind, so consider this a fleshed out sort of storyboard that skips certain parts so I can go straight to the whumpy parts. And as such, some chapters are QUITE short (which definitely helped me write them faster 😉)

**Edit!! I hadn't realized before starting that putting multiple prompts into a single entry counts as fulfilling ALL prompts and not just one! So I don't actually have to do 31 separate chapters! Woohoo!! This just cut down what I had left to do by a LOT!!**

This is a Star Wars AU that is set directly after the 'Star Wars: Rebels' finale and melds together canon and Legends/EU material. I realize the target audience for this is probably pretty small among those who will see this, but it's 31 chapters of whump so even if you don't know the stories or characters, but I do a little bit of explaining, so hopefully you'll still enjoy their pain and suffering, haha!

So without further ado!

Chapter 1

Prompt No. 7 - “Can you hear me?”

“And remember, the Force will be with you. Always.”

The speeding clouds racing towards them turned into stars, which then turned into starlines, and then all went white. 

-

Ezra started awake and found himself…nowhere. There was nothing. Just a blank white landscape devoid of any features or life. Except for him. Was he dead? He still felt alive. But who knew if he could survive being launched into hyperspace with broken windows. Perhaps he’d been killed instantly and this was the afterlife. But no, that didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like a Force Vision and it didn’t feel quite like the World Between Worlds he’d visited at the Lothal Temple. So what was this place?

“Hello?!” he called out, starting to walk in one direction and looking around for anything, or anyone that could give him answers. 

On and on he walked, nothing changing and no one answering his calls. Ezra wasn’t sure if he’d been walking for ten minutes or ten hours or even ten years. Time seemed to feel nonexistent in this nothing-place and– 

Wait! What was that? There was a speck of…something over there in the distance, slowly growing more clear as if emerging from mist. Ezra ran forward, the speck remaining small no matter how far he ran. But after a while he could distinguish that it was a human female with dark hair, though it was hard to make out any other features clearly.

“Hey! Over here!” 

He could sense the person turning their attention towards him but suddenly something stopped him from moving forward. Not like a wall, but like he’d been attached to a cord and he’d used up all the slack. 

Then the mist shifted again and another figure appeared off to the left, even more indistinct than the first. And then between them came a group of three figures.

“Hello!” Ezra tried again. “Can anyone hear me? Can you tell me what’s happening? Where are we?” But there was still no reaction from any of them and he couldn’t move himself forward even an inch.

Then suddenly Ezra felt like he was being pulled both forwards and from within. 

He was rushed forwards, the figures disappearing and the blank white surroundings stretching to reveal flashing images he couldn’t make sense of. Unfamiliar planets, blurry faces, and a barrage of feelings ranging from fear and pain to…hope? Yes, there was an overwhelming feeling of hope, but far beyond the simple hope of one person wanting to return home. This was something bigger, seeming to fill the whole galaxy.

As confused as Ezra was with this kaleidoscope of images he was gratified to know that he’d made the right choice. Wherever this path he’d chosen led him, no matter what happened to him, he knew everything would turn out okay. 

As the images started to fade, Ezra felt himself fading with it, and soon he was lost in a peaceful oblivion.

[ctrsara]

Stuff I'm Reading That I Love

(and you should read them too)

December 2022

Here’s stuff I’ve recently read, or am reading, that stands out to me, and I wanted to recommend. This is by no means a comprehensive list of the good stories I’ve read lately, but a few that are worth sharing!

Plus, the more of you that read and love and leave the authors some love, the more likely it is that these lovely stories will make it to completion! No ulterior motives at all here…

(Also, if you know these authors are on Tumblr, but they're not tagged, please let me know, or let them know or something, so I can be friends with them and tag them!)

The Meaning of Inevitable Series by (Mendeia)  If you haven’t been reading this series, you’re missing out, I promise. Mendeia is a master storyteller!

The first four books are complete, and the fifth is in progress.

Words: 470,673   Works: 4   Complete:No

Eleven-year-old Peter Parker's world is shattered when both his idol and his uncle are killed in the same week. Even while grieving, Peter strikes up a friendship with the local maintenance man, Tony, who shares Peter's love of science and technology - and who may be more than he lets on.

the ghost at the back of your closet by niniblack (48238 words)  This one is so hard sometimes, but also amazing, and I'm always at the edge of my seat!

Published:2022-06-10  Updated:2022-11-05  Words:48238  Chapters:9/?:

Some set-up: Tony survived Endgame, obv, but with a long recovery time. He’s fine now! But skrull!Fury still got ahold of EDITH and gave it to Peter on his Euro Trip, so we’re picking up after Peter was arrested in NWH.

I'm waiting and fading and floating away by lemonlillybee (21701 words):  This one is an expanded Whumptober story, and is very whumpy! (But with lots of comfort, too) Lemonlillybee's whole Whumptober set is so impressive!

Published: 2022-10-17   Completed: 2022-11-03   Words: 21701   Chapters: 5/5

“Sleep deprivation,” Bruce whispers to Tony the next morning. “And maybe something else. I don’t know how long it’s going to last.”

Peter hears the words, but he’s too busy pacing to really process them.

@lemonlillybee

Fostering Hope  Series by happyaspie  The first and second stories are complete, and are amazing, but I hear there’s more to come!

Words: 96,213   Works:2   Complete:No

“Not much of a talker is he,” Tony casually stated, making Peter stomach churn with unease. He had no idea where the man was going with his assessment and wasn’t really sure how to properly defend himself. Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

“Peter has what they call selective mutism,” the social worker replied. “So, no. I suppose he’s not much of a talker.”

@yes-i-am-happyaspie

For We are Bound by Symmetry  by kingdomfaraway (21834 words) I love a good biodad AU, and this one has been fantastic so far!

Published: 2022-11-18    Updated: 2022-12-12   Words: 31840   Chapters: 6/?

“I know we just met, Peter, but Tony is just down the hall and so very excited to finally meet you."

She was wrong, of course, Tony Stark was not excited to meet him. If he was excited to meet him, he would have met him at some point in his 13 years of life. Not now, not only after he had nowhere else in the world to go. Now he’s just stuck with him, unable to pretend Peter didn't exist, as he'd done since the day he was born.

@asyouleft

Chase You Down Until You Love Me by OK_ButWhy1 (17448 words): Love love love love.

Published: 2022-06-25    Updated: 2022-11-29    Words: 29281    Chapters: 8/?

Just who is this teenage boy that Tony Stark takes to get ice-cream?

Peter-gets-outed-as-Tony's-kid trope. Featuring: paparazzi and public backlash, Pepper Potts being her gloriously competent self and teeth-rotting IronDad/SpiderSon fluff.

Irreplaceable by for_the_night (40044 words): This one is so sad, but so good!

Published: 2022-04-07   Updated: 2022-11-29   Words: 46193   Chapters: 11/?

It starts with a cancelled lab session. Then two. Then three.

When Peter finally plucks up the courage to ask what he’s done wrong, he finds another kid in the lab with Tony. The teen feels a pang of hurt seeing the pair laughing and joking together, but the fatal blow is seeing Tony ruffle the boy's hair.

Tony doesn’t hate Peter. He’s replaced him.

Men of Iron by spdrmain (41899 words) This one is super interesting! The author is doing a great job with this AU!

Published: 2022-10-24    Updated: 2022-12-04   Words:66672  Chapters: 8/?

At four years old, Nathan Stark, Tony's only son, was found dead months after being kidnapped. What happened to him during that time, and how he died remains a mystery. Ten years later, Ben Parker is shot dead under suspicious circumstances. His nephew, Peter, is adamant to catch his killer. Two deaths, a decade apart, and a war on the horizon - there lies only one truth.

 little pieces of home by  mysterycyclone and seekrest (14202 words): More Spideychelle than Irondad, but a really interesting take, pretty AU-ish, and very interesting so far!

Published:  2022-02-02   Completed: 2022-11-17    Words: 14202   Chapters: 5/5

“You still really suck at lying,” Michelle says. She checks her phone. “You’ve still got time for lunch before work, right?”

Peter checks his phone. Eleven in the morning. “Yeah, I totally have time.”

He doesn’t really have time, but he makes it. He has to make it.

He’s missed them. He’s going to make time for them.

@mysterycyclone @seek--rest

 the long game by niniblack (19377 words) This one is rough (for me), but so, so good so far.

Published: 2022-11-08    Updated: 2022-11-29   Words: 28447    Chapters:10/?

The biodad au where Peter gets arrested for selling drugs, and that actually improves his life.

@niniblack

The Grey Area by Lansfics7 (121895 words) Lansfics7 is hilarious, and this story is super interesting, and I’m definitely enjoying it!

Published: 2022-07-06   Updated: 2022-11-23    Words:121895   Chapters:10/?

Peter’s in college, rooming with his best friend Harry Osborn, crushing on his partner in crime, MJ, and making fast friends with Ned Leeds and Gwen Stacy. He's living the dream, interning at Stark Industries under a watchful eye of (mentor???) Tony Stark. But he has his hands full as Spider-Man with a gang spreading fear in the streets of New York, putting civilians at risk and bankrupting the city. Peter is determined to do whatever it takes to stop them, even if that means going in over his head when the web of lies and greed turns out to be way more than he signed up for.

Understanding the Spiderling series by AthingcalledR has been really great so far!

Words: 79,606  Works:2  Complete: No

Peter Parker is a homeless orphan who dedicates as much time as he can to helping the people of New York.

Then he gets hit by a car :D

As Tony Stark and Pepper Potts try to learn more about the troubled young man, Peter tries to reconcile himself with the painful act of letting people into his life.

@athingcalledr

but only hope and sorrows end by iron_spider Recently complete, and is insane, but amazing. Fantastic. Highly recommend!

This is going to be a rough one. It has a child in danger, kidnappings, experiments which feel like torture to those who are enduring them, and long periods of being trapped and presumed dead. It spans over a decade. It is a Hydra fic, an AU about the origins of Spider-Man and Iron Man. Please plan accordingly, but always know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Published: 2022-03-16   Completed: 2022-08-17   Words: 126339   Chapters: 13/13

@iron--spider

Long Story Short (It Was A Bad Time) Or AIs Don't Forget by peacockgirl (70140 words): My one true love, haha. She’s been adding to this fantastic story, and every chapter is a treasure!

Published:  2021-12-21   Completed: 2022-12-07   Words: 77440    Chapters:14/14

Turns out magic doesn't affect AIs. Karen is Peter's only link to his old life, and helps him hold on when he gets low.

Meanwhile, in Upstate New York, Tony struggles with the inexplicable certainty that he's lost a kid.

Until Peter gets hurt, and Karen tells FRIDAY ...

Set in that wonderful AU world where Tony survives Endgame, and our boy (eventually) gets all the hugs he needs and deserves.

And, finally, a less recent author, not writing for Irondad anymore, but I just binged pretty much anything by Sahiya recently, and it's all amazing. (thanks @junker5 for that recommendation!)

[whumping-in-the-wings]

Well, I certainly didn’t intend for this piece to take quite as long as it did, but the Head Cold from Hell came back with a vengeance, and I sort of strung this together in between naps and bowls of chicken noodle soup. Which unfortunately means it’s A) not as good as I’d like and B) not as whumpy as I was initially planning, because I want to make sure I’m actually semi-coherent when we actually get to The Good Stuff. But I’m still pretty proud of how this piece turned out (and, on the bright side, it introduces both our eventual caretaker and the single most screwed-up, godawful disaster of a friendship I have ever put into words. So that’s fun!) The next piece is already mostly planned, and should be a lot better quality now that I can actually breathe out of both my nostrils.

CW: mentions of blood/injury, restraints, dehumanization, emotional whump, brief medieval medicine stuff, whumpee POV

Taglist: @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @finaldreams1106, @redwingedwhump (as always, let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from the list!)

Traces: Part Three

Previous | Masterlist | Next

By the time they made it as far as the subtle slope of land that led to the manor, Adair was very nearly reduced to what his captors supposed him to be. Their words turned into mere collections of sounds, passing over him with no more meaning than the gray autumn clouds far above. Even keeping his own thoughts together was more than he could manage; the only things that registered were the ones that were more feeling than thought, the ones that even the horses would have understood had they been in his place. The things you didn’t have to be human to feel.

Pain. Hot pain, clashing against the numb cold of all the blood he’d lost. The ropes, chafing at him, stealing the usual sureness from his feet until every move he made was more uncertain than the last. Exhaustion, worse than he had ever felt before, sore and searing and bone-deep, piercing every fiber of his body.

There were other things he should be feeling. Human things. Somewhere in his fogged mind, he knew that. The loss of the only life he had ever lived, the danger he was in and the need to keep the others out of it. But all that, for the moment, was beyond him, and there was little he could do but take whatever came and hope, afterwards, that he could pull himself together well enough to face whatever came next.

What came next, it turned out, was the hands. He felt them, too, like he did the pain in his leg, but somehow they were worse. Pain, at least, left him a little of his pride, but there was none of that to be found in how the hands poked and prodded at him. It seemed that the rest of the manor’s residents had come out to welcome their lord and his hunting party home and see his newly-taken prize for themselves, and there were too many, far too many to shy away from the way he had on the trail. They surrounded him, squeezing his arm, stroking his coat, setting their fingers against his shoulder to gauge his height. Between the ropes and the arrow-wound, trying to back up out of their reach hurt too much, and he nearly fell when he tried; this time, when some of their hands closed on his jaw and forced his mouth open, when they leaned in close to peer at his teeth, there was little he could do but let them. And all the time they were discussing him, offering their opinions in those words that no longer seemed like words, and they were close, too close, and he could barely move, felt as though he could barely breathe, and Sir Aubrey sat there on his horse, proud of himself, proud of this, and it was too much, it was all too much-

There was no real reason for the new voice to cut through the cacophony the way it did. It wasn’t a loud voice, or a particularly commanding one- it was, in fact, quite soft and light, but there was something in it that set it apart from the others, that made the others listen. Even Adair, as exhausted as he was and as useless as words had become, felt his ears prick forward towards it.

“Aubrey,” the voice said, “get that poor beast out of that mess before he tries to bolt for it and breaks that leg, and probably several legs that aren’t his while he’s at it.”

As the crowd fell back a little, the owner of the voice was revealed to be a young man leaning casually against the low stone wall, shorter and stockier than Aubrey, with several dark braids gathered into a loose knot at the back of his neck. From the look of him, there seemed no reason why the manor residents should be doing as he said, but they were, all the same, and even Sir Aubrey was smiling his half-smile. “Sterling,” he said. “I didn’t think I was gone long enough for the way of the world to change that much. Do all squires give orders to their knights now?”

“When the knight comes home with a bloody centaur, the squire has the right to say anything he wants,” Sterling retorted easily. “At least until the knight explains what the devil he’s up to now.”

Sir Aubrey shrugged. “Little enough opportunity to be found in a place like this. I could hardly ignore one that walked right into my forest.”

“And what do you suppose Cyra’s going to say when she finds your opportunity in her stable?”

“She can say anything she wants. I’m the lord of the manor, aren’t I?”

“But not of the stable. That’s Cyra’s domain. Although, given the way you smell, I suppose it’s an honest enough mistake-“

The conversation went on, but Adair could no longer comprehend it. It was too jovial, too friendly a conversation, one that didn’t belong alongside the growing horror of his own situation. The crowd had mostly moved back from him now, examining him with their eyes instead of their hands. There was still shame in that; the knowledge that they could look into his eyes and still see no difference between him and the horses made his heart clench painfully in his chest. It likely didn’t help that he was standing here as docilely as the horses were. Something in him warned against that, told him he should fight, he should do something to keep Sir Aubrey’s attention on him. But he couldn’t summon up the will to act on that instinct. Today, at least, he had done as much fighting as he could do, and he would just have to hope that it had been enough to keep any thoughts of his family well out of Sir Aubrey’s mind.

He did try to resist, a little, when they brought him into the rough, thatch-roofed stone building that apparently served as the stable. He’d never had walls around him before, never been closed in by anything more secure than the forest trees, and everything in him rebelled against the prospect. But after all that the day had brought with it, everything in him didn’t prove to be much, and his attempt to break away was pathetic enough that Sir Aubrey only laughed at it, patting Adair’s shoulder in the same way he would have done with his horse or his dogs. Though the touch was gentler than anything else Sir Aubrey had done to him, it was an insult still, and one he had to bite his tongue to keep from answering. He had resolved never to speak to this human until he had absolutely no hope left of ever seeing his family again. So long as there was still a chance that he might find his way back to the others, he would let this man see him as no more than an animal, however hard it was to bear. His human half he would keep hidden, so that, when he rejoined his family, there would still be a part of him that had always been with them, had always been free.

He didn’t bother fighting when Sir Aubrey and one of his men forced him into one of the cramped wooden stalls; it was too much of a relief to finally be allowed to lie down. Even though it was only dry straw beneath him and not the soft grass he was used to, he couldn’t help the small sigh that escaped him once his weight was no longer on his injured leg. His hands were kept bound, but the ropes around his ankles were cut loose and replaced with a slightly looser one around his neck, secured just above the stall’s half-door. Soon, he told himself. Soon they’d be finished with him, and they’d leave him for the night, and he’d have a chance to gather his thoughts, come to terms with what had happened and decide how he was going to face whatever happened next.

But, as it turned out, there was one more pair of hands he had to suffer through first.

“Ugh. He sounds almost human when he screams like that.” The younger man, Sterling, made some sort of sign against evil with one hand, and tipped a little more of the strange red liquid over the arrow-wound with the other, eliciting another cry from Adair, pinned beneath him. “Freaks of nature, these are, and for the life of me, Aubrey, I can’t see why you’re bothering with all this. You’re never going to get anything useful out of this wild thing. There’s a reason why everyone else aims arrows for their hearts, not their legs.”

“I’m not everyone else. I want to see if it can be done, and if it can be, I want to make a name for myself doing it. Simple as that.” Sir Aubrey leaned even further over the stall door, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t bother trying to clean that cut on his shoulder. It’s shallow, it should heal well enough. I don’t want him lashing out at you.”

Sterling paused in his work for a moment with an exasperated sigh. “I hope you realize you can’t keep me a squire forever. One of these days, Aubrey, you’re going to have to knight me. And you won’t be able to nursemaid me like this then.”

“I’ve been nursemaiding you since you were an owl-eyed brat with barely enough of a tunic to cover your skinny arse, and I’ll keep doing it long after you’re a knight in armor.”

“Oh, any hell but that!”

For a moment, Adair- able to make sense of their words now that every ounce of his energy was no longer devoted to staying on his feet- wondered why this conversation, which had nothing whatsoever to do with him, was still so painful. Then the realization came. I used to talk to Bracken like that. Light and laughing, without a care in the world, and then Bracken would strike out at him in mock challenge, and they’d be off on a race through the forest or a brief spar that he would always let his brother win-

It wasn’t the memory that hurt, but the knowledge that it was only a memory, now. He turned his head away and forced himself not to listen until Sterling had finished bandaging the wound and they left him there, finally alone.

Then he closed his eyes, hoping the exhaustion he’d been battling for so long would see fit to defeat him now, and replace the agony of the memories with the blackness of the sleep he so desperately needed. But, like every effort he had made today, it was a doomed one. This place unnerved him, to say nothing of its master, and his thoughts, far away with his family, refused to settle themselves. He shifted position often, as best he could between his bonds and his injuries, sometimes jerking at the ropes in the hope of gaining just a little more slack. He forced himself not to think of the others, of what tomorrow might bring, of all the other things that threatened to overwhelm him if he allowed them into his mind. The strangeness of it all was the worst. He was used to the sounds of the forest at night, the presence of the ones he loved around him, the night winds around him and only the stars above. Not this. Not this cold, stone-surrounded silence.

And try as he might, he couldn’t erase the feeling of those many, too many hands. The traces of the touch lingered on his skin like phantoms. However much he tried to shrug them off, they were still there, binding him as securely as the ropes and the walls.

Sleep, when at last it came, was fitful, and full of nightmares only barely worse than the one he was already in.

[buckybarnesowl]

It Never Ends - Chapter 3

A Whumptober 2021 Series

Pairing: College!AU Bucky x fem! Reader

Series description: Bucky and Y/n are fourth-year undergrads with the same major. They’ve always had a crush on each other but were too reserved to do anything about it. One horrendous night pushes them together and they’re forced to navigate the fallout together, for better or for worse.

Series warnings: 18+!!! This series is not for minors. The main plot line is based around sexual assault/rape themes and the fallout that comes from that type of trauma. Please if you are not 18+ do not engage. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

A/n: Each chapter will be different Whumptober 2021 prompts. I'm aiming to be a completist! (We'll see how well that goes LOL). There will be a happy ending-ish, but the series is going to be FULL of whump so buckle up, it's going to be a whumpy ride (I said what I said).

Chapter 3 warnings: reference to non-con (attempted rape); reference to drugging; nightmare; panic attack; flashback/trauma

Chapter 3 word count: 2.4k

Chapter 3 prompts:

No. 18 - THE DOCTOR IS IN “Now smile for the camera” | doctor’s visit | CPR

No. 28 - IT’S NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD “Good. You’re finally awake.” | nightmares | panic

No. 31 - HURT & COMFORT disaster zone | trauma | prisoner

Alternative Prompt No. 7 - Screaming

Previous chapter | Series Masterlist | Masterlist

The next day was like walking through a dream.

Y/n knew she was in the clinic. She heard everything Dr. Cho had told her. That they found traces of ketamine still in her blood. That she wanted Y/n to take the next week off to give her two full weeks along with thanksgiving reading break. That she would have to come back tomorrow to pick up the notes for her professors because the printer was broken. That she could report it if she wanted to, even though she didn’t remember who her attackers were. That she didn’t have to decide right then. That everything was going to feel fucked up.

It was all too much and yet somehow not enough. It just didn’t make any sense. How did this happen? Who did this to her? Why couldn’t she remember?

“I want you to take care of yourself over the next few weeks. This is a heavy thing you’ve gone through, Y/n.”

All she could do was nod.

“You’re going to feel a range of emotions, not just day to day, but possibly hour to hour. You might remember more, when you least expect it. Be gentle with yourself. Do you have anyone on campus that you trust?”

Another nod.

“Good. Try and make sure to keep people around you. You might find yourself wanting to retreat, and that’s a completely normal reaction to what you’ve gone through. But it’s important to know you don’t have to go through this alone. There are resources for you and people that care about your well-being. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. And you can come to the clinic anytime. I’m here to help in whatever way I can. In the meantime I’ll have the receptionist book you a followup for next week.”

“K,” Y/n croaked out. It was all she could muster.

Dr. Cho had been so sincere and caring, it’s just that none of it seemed real.

Walking out of the exam room and into the reception area, she could see Natasha in front of her now. She registered her furrowed brow and soft half-smile. But it was fuzzy around the edges. As if Y/n wasn’t really there even though she was.

“You ok?”

Yet another silent confirmation, an autopilot response in the only way her body seemed capable of giving.

“Let’s get you home. Wanda texted me to say she was making us some stew her mom used to make when they were kids. Sounded amazing.”

“Hmmm,” Y/n acknowledged.

Home. She was so fucking tired. She just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up for a week. What’s the point of being awake when you can’t even feel anything, and you just keep seeing the same fucking mouth and feeling the same fucking hands and—

“Babe?” Nat was blinking at Y/n as she held the door open for her.

“Sorry, kind of out of it still. The doctor said it can take up to 24 hours for the…”

She trailed off. The words were there, but her mouth couldn’t seem to push them out.

“All good. We can sit for a bit if you need?”

Y/n shook her head. “No, please. Let’s get the fuck out of here. I need a nap.”

The redhead simply nodded at her friend, relieved that she was saying what she needed.

“Food first, ok?”

When they got back to their shared dorm, Wanda had the table already set. She dished out the late lunch before Y/n had a chance to decline. After they ate, Y/n gave them the Coles Notes version of her appointment with Dr. Cho. Then she recounted what happened the night before.

As much as she could remember.

She knew Bucky had told them how he found her. God, she was mortified at that and would have to unpack that another time. For now she tried to focus on getting the story out.

It was poison and was clouding her memories and she needed it out of her. She needed her friends to hear it. She needed a witness to it. She couldn’t feel emotions, but she could sure as fuck feel that.

Wanda had tears streaming down her face at the end. Even stone-cold Natasha had a mist that threatened to spill over. But Y/n’s eyes were dry, empty voids. As if it hadn’t happened to her and she was just explaining a fucked up dream she had. More like a nightmare.

The two redheads engulfed their friend in a hug.

“Thank you for telling us,” Wanda whispered into Y/n’s hair.

“We’ve got you. Whatever you need, we’re here,” Nat added.

“I think I just want to go lie down. Still pretty tired.”

“Want us to lie with you?” Wanda offered.

Y/n smiled at her friend’s sweetness. God she was lucky to have them.

“I’ll be alright, but thanks.”

“Yell if you need something, k?”

Y/n gave a final nod before closing the door to her room. She was out within seconds of hitting the pillow.

---------------------------------------------------

Natasha: Hey, Barnes. Got a favour to ask.

Bucky: Anything. Is it Y/n? Is she ok?

Natasha: she’s fine. Well, as fine as she can be. She’s asleep and Wanda and I both have to work tonight. I know this is super last minute, but...We don’t want her waking up alone.

Natasha: took her to the clinic this am. Then she told us what happened. It’s been a day.

Bucky: Right. When do you need me there?

Natasha: Wanda’s about to leave and my shift starts at 6. So in the next hour if you can.

Bucky: no prob. See you soon

---------------------------------------------------

“There’s leftover stew in the fridge. Wanda made it today. Help yourself.”

Bucky had shown up just thirty minutes later and Natasha knew that wasn’t enough time for him to have eaten dinner.

“Thanks, Nat. That’s great.”

Nat paused for a second, then took a deep breath.

“I’m worried she’s on the verge of breaking down. She was totally numb today, but that won’t last. Best case scenario she just sleeps through the night… god knows she needs it. But—” Nat took another breath, “in case she doesn’t, just… be patient. It’s just so fucked.”

“I know. I mean, I don’t, but I saw her. The ties… Fuck. I can only imagine.”

Nat went in for a quick hug.

“You’re one of the good ones, Barnes.”

“Not sure if any man can really be good at this point, but might as well try.”

Nat chuckled before continuing, “Both Wanda and I are closing so we’ll be home super late. Feel free to sleep in my room, it’s the one next to Y/n’s and I’ll sleep on the futon out here.”

“You sure?”

“Completely. I know Y/n trusts you, which means so do Wanda and I. Thanks for doing this.”

“It’s really nothing,” Bucky blushed as he looked down at his hands.

“See ya later,” she chimed, grinning at his bashfulness as she closed the door.

Bucky ate then sat down to catch up on some reading for one of his lit classes that he and Y/n had together. He had fallen asleep with his book on his chest when he was jolted awake by someone screaming. It took just a few seconds to realize it was Y/n.

He rushed to her door, opening it swiftly, then kneeled down in the middle of the room so as not to startle her. She had soft white lights strung up around her bed and that was enough light for him try and wake her out of the nightmare she was having.

Lips. She was being smothered in lips and she couldn’t get away. Saliva was dripping down her cheeks and hot breath was suffocating her.

And yet she couldn’t move.

Then fingers. Fingers all over her body. Still she couldn’t move. She was terrified to open her mouth in case the lips made contact. But she needed to yell. She had to. It went on for an eternity. Lips, saliva, fingers in an endless darkness.

Then finally a wail escaped from her.

The lips pressed harder. She kept screaming but no one could hear.

Suddenly she was out of the room and racing down the longest hallway. Door after door after door that led nowhere.

She couldn’t find Nat or Wanda. Where were they? Why couldn’t she find them?

Finally a door opened and there they were with Steve and Bucky and Sam. It was a library but maybe it was a living room. They were all laughing. In hysterics. She was screaming at them to help her. Trying to tell them what happened. Begging them to help her.

She could sense the two men behind her coming back for more.

They kept laughing.

Suddenly she knew it was Quentin and Brock that grabbed her from behind and she yelled until her throat was hoarse as they dragged her down the hall. Her screams weren’t loud enough to drown out the laughter that echoed from the room.

Or Quentin softly whispering her name.

“Y/n. Y/n—”

“Y/n please, you have to wake up—”

She sat up with a jolt, chest heaving. She gasped when she turned and saw a man on her carpet, another scream leaving her lips as she backed herself against the wall, covering her face with her arms.

“Y/n, it’s Bucky. I’m not going to hurt you, doll,” he assured as he held up his hands in a motion of peace, before continuing with a soft but steady voice. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Nat and Wanda had to work and they didn’t want you to wake up alone so they asked me to come over. You were having a nightmare and I didn’t want you to… god, Y/n, I’m so sorry for scaring you.”

Her breaths were ragged but she lowered her arms at his voice.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, just me.”

“Oh my god… I thought you were… f-fuck,” she exhaled, curling onto her side in fetal position, her breaths picking up again. He wasn’t Quentin. He wasn’t Brock. Wait.

Brock.

Quentin.

Suddenly she was gasping for air.

“Y/n you have to breathe for me. Please, breathe for me. You’re in your room. It’s Saturday. One more week until reading week and thanksgiving. You going home for thanksgiving?”

Y/n shook her head, her breaths still shallow, wheezing.

“Neither am I. Maybe we can do a friendsgiving thing. Like an orphan thanksgiving.”

“Th-that’d be..” breath “n-nice,” breath.

“Good. That’s good. You’re doing so good, doll. Keep breathing with me.”

They stayed like that a good ten minutes, Bucky kneeling next to Y/n’s bed trying to ground her in the present, Y/n trying to steady her panicked breathing at the nightmare-induced realization.

After a quiet lull, Y/n broke the silence as she whispered, “I remember.”

Bucky nodded in encouragement. “Want to share with me? I promise I’ll just listen.”

Y/n nodded.

“Want me to hold your hand?”

She nodded again, so Bucky grabbed it firmly but with a tenderness that nearly made Y/n lose her breath again.

“It was Quentin and Brock. I know it was.” She gulped before continuing. “I put down my drink to text Nat and Wanda. When I looked up they were there and when I grabbed my drink to leave them Quentin said “I’m sure we’ll see you around.” One of the guys, the one who was kissing and touching me—”

Y/n squeezed her eyes shut at the memory as Bucky squeezed her hand.

“Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. And we can stop if you want. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

“No, I—” Y/n kept steadying her breaths. “He… while he was… he said “I told you we’d see you around.” And it was his voice. I know it was his fucking voice. I went to school with him, I’d recognize his disgusting voice anywhere.” Her chest was heaving again. “It was Quentin,” she barely whispered.

Then the tears came. First silent, shoulders bobbing. Then wailing moans, as if she was a banshee predicting a death. Her own death. Y/n felt like she was sinking into darkness and there was no rope to grab onto. Nothing to tether her to the living world.

Until she felt her hand be squeezed.

“I’ve got you, Y/n. I’m here. No one is going to hurt you. Not ever again. I promise.”

“Y-you can’t promise that!” she seethed, sobs still racking her body.

“If it means I never leave you alone again, then so be it. Nat, Wanda, and I will never leave you alone ever. We’ll be your 24-7 personal detail.”

Y/n laughed at the ridiculousness of that thought through her tears. She sniffled hard, then wiped her face with her sleeve.

“I’m such a fucking mess. Again. God, this is horrible, you shouldn’t have to do this. We barely know each other!”

Bucky laughed softly before presenting his defense. “First off, we’ve had classes together for four years, and we’ve been seat buddies for the last three of those, so I’d say we know each other.”

And maybe Bucky had had a crush on her for two of those years, but she didn’t need to know that and he certainly wasn’t going to act on it ever now. Not after the shit she’d been through.

“Secondly, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. None of this is your fault.”

Y/n huffed at at his persistence, not convinced she shouldn’t be utterly embarrassed that he’d saved her twice now.

“I mean it. None of this is your fucking fault. You hear me?”

She rolled his words around in her mind for a minute, then nodded again. When did she get so goddamn agreeable?

“Now here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to go shower because a hot shower always makes anyone feel a million times better. While you do that, I’m going to make you some tea. Then you’re going to drink said tea. Then we’re going to go to bed and I do mean “we” because I’m going to sleep on your floor. I promised nothing would happen to you and I fucking mean it.”

A smile flooded Y/n’s lips, the heat from the tears on her cheeks blending with the heat from Bucky’s words.

“A little bossy, aren’t you?”

“Can’t help it, I’m used to bossing the swim team around. Like herding cats, those guys.”

Y/n chuckled then slid her legs over the edge of her bed. “Alright. One foot in front of the other, right?”

“That’s it,” Bucky replied with fondness.

When Nat came home and noticed Bucky wasn’t on the futon or in her room, her heart started pounding. Until she opened the door to Y/n’s room and saw him laying on her floor, his arm stretched up to her bed, holding her hand, as the two slept soundly.

Next Chapter

[levy120]

Can You Hear Me?

Skimming some of the new Rayman blogs I saw that there is a demand for more horror oriented content, so I kicked my own butt and finished this prompt I had lying around for a couple of months ~

Written as part of the 100 themes challenge, here is a whumpy look into the Clark Boss Encounter from R2 with fridge-horror elements.

Story below the Cut and on dA

☠️

82. Can You Hear Me?

He doesn’t know how long he can keep this up. And worst of all- his friend is suffering.

Rayman can tell, but one doesn’t have to be a genius to see.

“Clark!” he tries again, not sure if trying to reach his friend might not be making things worse. He’d already caught the absolutely guilty look in his eyes - and Rayman forgives him. He does. His friend is not to blame for the hellish torture the robots have put him through.

Still doesn’t make the bruises he’d already gotten hurt any less.

“Clark, listen to me!”

But when the hulking figure turns to face him, Rayman is immediately rushed at. He dodges the massive hands, albeit with less ease than before.

Rayman has already identified the problem in the mechanical contraption pinned to Clark’s back. It’s unnatural, looks painful too - but the Limbless doesn’t know yet how to get rid of this thing without accidentally hurting his friend.

Clark wasn’t an enemy, not a robot, or a pirate. He can’t just let his fist rain down on him! It flares up a new bout of anger in his chest, knowing that this was exactly what Razorbeard had wanted.

He dodges out of the way of Clark's charge and takes note of the mechanisms in the room. Big red buttons that scream 'push me', and up until now that had always proven to be helpful.

But before Rayman can act on his new idea, large fingers wrap around his torso, squeezing, and the Limbless feels the air leave him and his feet leave the ground.

He can't help the faint whimper at the force his friend applies. His eyes catch Clark's face for but a second. The giant looks about as awful and helpless as Rayman feels.

"Don't," he manages to breathe out before he finds himself hurled across the room.

The impact is harsh and hurts. Rayman takes a moment to get back on his feet, but Clark is already charging again with a roar that sounds desperate and painful in a way that shatters Rayman's resolve. He can't keep wasting time.

He reorients himself, pushes himself up and leaps away from Clark's powerful swing, before making a beeline for the button.

Nothing happens yet and it's with annoyance that Rayman catches note of the other buttons in the room. They'll be easier to catch in time from the other side, but he's come so far, he might as well try to trigger them from here.

Then Clark leaps into his last array, blocking his last energy sphere before it can connect with the button. It leaves a sizzling scorch mark in his friend's skin and Rayman winces with a "Sorry!"

It’s no one’s fault, Rayman tries to tell himself. But that’s wrong. It’s absolutely and undeniably Razorbeard’s fault. And maybe a little bit Rayman’s for not trying hard enough.

So, once he’s figured out what to do, the Limbless tries to zero in on the task ahead, tries not to think about the fact it's his friend he's hurting or the panic that boils underneath.

Not before long, the contraption shatters into pieces.

When Clark recovers it's with gusto, the nuts and bolts rolling off his back like rain as his hunch lifts.

Despite himself, Rayman has to try and keep himself from flinching when the giant approaches, but Clark is either not picking up on it or not acting on it for Rayman's sake.

The bruises are plentiful and more than obvious and Rayman will need to find a couple of red lums soon.

It does help, that Clark doesn't bring them up, but aside from their little celebration, Rayman doesn't want to linger.

His fingers are itching to find the robot who has done this to his friend so he can tear it up, and under any other circumstance, Rayman might be worried about the rage that coils in his gut. Clark's fine, he's fine, he's saved, he did it.

But he wasn't fine before.

Rayman bids Clark farewell if only so he can run from it and break without the giant seeing. There's a scream of anguish locked in his throat and when he closes his eyes, Rayman still sees Clark's torment in the back of his mind.

Battered fingers clench into a fist by Rayman's side as he collapses in the Hall of Doors and wails where no one can see. He can't rest though - while he's here and lamenting Razorbeard is still out there and keeps hurting his friends.

And Rayman vows to make him regret that.

[painsandconfusion-moved-shoo]

Punishment, Gaslighting, and Aftercare

(tw: emotional manipulation, knives)

“That’s it, let it all out.” Whumper cooed, stroking Whumpee’s hair softly away from their eyes and idly brushing away their tears.

Whumpee jerked away reflexively when Whumper’s hand skimmed down to their throat. “Dont touch me.”

“Whumpee…are you…mad at me?”

Whumpee looked up at Whumper to see their face filled with genuine concern. “Are you kidding me?”

“Look, I know it hurts, but you-”

“You cut me.”

“You needed it.”

Whumpee didn’t pull away as Whumper’s fingers slowly wove back through their hair. It felt nice. Warm and soft in contrast with the sharp hot pain striking down their arm. “I didn’t need that.” It seemed true, but it felt like a lie as it slipped through their lips.

“Oh, Whumpee,” Whumper cooed, cupping Whumpee’s cheeks in both hands and tipping their face up. “Yes you did. You need structure. You need boundaries. You are so so lost right now. I want to help you.”

Whumpee’s tears pooled at Whumper’s fingers, but they didn’t seem to mind; their soft eyes never left Whumpee’s. So close. Too close. Blood dripped warm down Whumpee’s skin. They screwed their eyes shut.

“I don’t need your help. You aren’t Caretaker. It’s not your job.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Whumper whispered softly, “Can’t you see Catetaker is the reason you are so broken?” Whumper pulled Whumpee close in a gentle embrace.

Whumpee’s skin crawled as Whumper’s fingers wrapped around their shoulders, but it was so warm. So soft. So familiar. Whumpee tried to pull back, but instead they choked out a sob and curled into Whumper’s chest.

“There you go, love. Let it all out.” Whumper gripped them tighter as they shook and sobbed, not seeming to mind the blood and tears soaking through their shirt. “Caretaker broke you so badly that you don’t know who you are or what choices to make anymore. There’s so many choices, aren’t there?”

Whumpee nodded against Whumper’s chest, still shaking.

“So many choices. Such a big world.” Whumpee melted into Whumper further as they rubbed their back in soothing circles. “There’s too many thoughts fighting for control in your head. You’re too broken and weak right now to tame them all. But that’s okay. You have me. I can help you.”

Whumper gently but firmly gripped Whumpee’s shoulders and pushed them back. Whumpee let their head drop, eyes still pinned shut, not wanting Whumper to see their ugly crying. Whumper used one finger to tip their face up. Whumpee reluctantly opened their eyes, gazing up at Whumper as they whispered, “You are so weak right now. But I can help. Do you want me to help you?”

Whumpee choked out another sob, but Whunper’s finger under their chin wouldn’t let them drop eye contact, pushing back up when they tried to pull away.

Their eyes locked again. “Y-yes. Please. I’m so tired.”

Whumper gave them small, warm smile. “Of course I will help you. I love you so much.” Whumper pulled Whumpee back into an embrace. Whumpee wrapped their arms around Whumper’s waist, clinging to them pathetically as their sobs started fresh.

“There’s always too many thoughts in your head. They’re all such bad thoughts. Caretaker did this to you. Caretaker lied to you. Caretaker is the reason you’re a sobbing pathetic mess.”

Whumpee felt Whumper’s lips dip down to their ear as they spoke more softly. “But I don’t care. I love you no matter how broken you are. I will never quit. I will never give up on you like they did. We are going to fix you.”

Whumpee shook their head in small, jerky motions. “You can’t fix me.”

Whumper pulled back, taking Whumpee’s hands in theirs. “Of course I can,” they said earnestly. “I’ll give you new thoughts. Better thoughts. Easy thoughts. We will have to start from scratch since you are so far gone, but I promise I will never give up on you. You’ll be perfect again someday, you just need to trust me.” Whumper squeezed their hands lightly. “Give your all to me, and I can help you. Can you do that, Whumpee?”

Whumpee squeezed their hands back. They didn’t deserve this. Whumper had so much to worry about without having to save them. But. Whumpee was so alone. So very alone. No one else cared enough to try…and if Whumper really believed they could fix them….

“Yes.”

Whumper gave them a broad, sparkling smile. “I’m so glad to hear that. We are going to get you all better.” Whumper’s right hand released Whumpee, their fingers trailing up their arm to the cuts instead. “But if I’m going to make you better, you need to learn to accept punishment when you deserve it. It’s the only way you will grow. Do you understand?”

Whunpee’s cuts burned slightly under Whumper’s fingertips. Strangely, they felt freer after the pain. Like a wrong had been righted. A blessed sense of closure. At first it was just pain, but now a calm, thorough exhaustion washed over them in a warm embrace. “I understand,” they said softly, eyes tracing the red gashes in their skin. There was a strange beauty in them.

“That’s good. Now let’s talk about this one.” Whumper stood up smoothly, crossing the room to fetch a washcloth and bowl of water they had prepared and left on the table.

The sudden silence was uncomfortable as Whumpee was left on the floor. The moment Whumper had pulled away, Whumpee felt cold and so very alone.

They tried to mask their discomfort as they scrubbed drying tears away from their cheeks. “What do you want me to talk about?”

Whumper turned back to them, warm cloth in hand, and knelt down. Whumpee offered their mutilated arm up when Whumper held out their hand, palm up.

“I want to make sure you understand why you were punished so you can learn from this experience.” Whumpee winced as Whumper gently dabbed blood away from the edges of the gashes.

“Okay,” Whumpee said, twitching - trying not to pull away. The cloth stung, but Whumper was being so kind, they didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

“So, what did you do wrong?”

Whumpee’s cheeks burned, remembering that afternoon. “I tried to call Caretaker.”

“And why did you do that?” Whumper twisted their arm to wipe the underside.

Whumpee paused, trying to find the right phrasing. “I think I just missed them. I thought they might take me back. I missed how they would-” Whumpee hissed as Whumper’s fingers pressed into a cut.

White hot pain shot up their arm.

They tried to pull away, but Whumper’s other hand locked down in their wrist like a vice. Whumpee panted, trying to writhe away as Whumper’s dark eyes bored into theirs. “You’re hurting me!”

Whumper spoke in crisp clear words, their face flat and emotionless, but their eyes burning. “Dont. Don’t think about them like that. Caretaker broke you. Caretaker set you up for failure time and time again. Caretaker is the reason you are such a mess right now. Those are bad thoughts. And bad thoughts need to be stopped. Do you understand?”

Whumpee blinked back a new round of tears and stammered as Whumper’s fingers pushed further into the cut. They couldn’t pull away, Whumper was too strong. They sputtered, “Yes. Yes! Please. I understand. Please let go!”

Whumper immediately pulled away and placed the warm cloth, soft and soothing, over the gash. It had started bleeding again.

Whumper let out a soft sigh. “I love you too much to let you think things like that. We are going to relate bad thoughts with pain, okay? This will help you correct that confusion - to slay those poisonous thoughts. Does that make sense?”

Whumpee pulled their arm back and Whumper let them this time. They should be mad, right? They should be…something?

All they felt was tired. Tired and relieved.

“Okay.”

Whumper gave that that wide, lovely smile again. So lovely and warm that Whumpee almost smiled back. “See? You’re already learning. You’re already healing. Don’t think I don’t see how hard this is for you. You are doing so well, and I’m incredibly proud of you.”

Whumpee couldn’t help but smile back at that, a blush flooding up their cheeks. “Thank you.” Whumper didn’t respond, raising their eyebrows slightly. That wasn’t enough. “Really, thank you. For this. For everything.”

Whumper grinned even wider. “It’s my pleasure. I’ll always be ready to help you. Never doubt that.” They patted their thighs and stood up. “Now let’s get you to bed. You’ve made so much progress in the past few hours, I’m sure you’re exhausted after such a big day.”

The thought of a warm soft bed made Whumpee realize just how tired they were. Their muscles sagged and complained. Their throat even hurt from screaming and from tears. They must have screamed a lot…

Whumper seemed to read their mind. “Hey now,” they said, taking Whunpee’s good hand to pull them to their feet, “Don’t dwell on it. Your punishment is over. Learn from it and move on. We will get you bandaged up and you’ll be good as new. I think you’ll sleep better tonight after all this. It’s good to go to bed with a clean conscience, don’t you think?”

Whumpee teetered a moment before finding their balance, holding tight to Whumper’s arm until their vision cleared. A bed sounded so nice right now. Properly exhausted, Whumpee agreed they would sleep well. They nodded sleepily and Whumper took their hand.

“Good. Now let’s get you to bed.”

( @missglumcakes-whump got me thinking about caretakers again lol. Though her caretaker are much less…well. Whumpy and awful.)