#i wanted to compare the two versions and fell down a rabbit hole of watching their music videos and now here we are!

[reverseblackholeofwords]

You ever have a hyperfixation that lasts and lasts and finally begins to wane a bit, like The Frenzy is no longer there, so you begin to think, "Huh, perhaps I don't actually like this thing as much as I thought? It's probably just the hyperfixation juices that magnified this into an obsession, right? I probably just enjoy this thing a normal amount."

And then you see something related to said thing go across your dash and the monster that is the inability to like things a normal amount rears its head again from inside the depths of your psyche and you just, "Yeah, nope, still insane about it, cool cool cool."

Now imagine, if you will, this process repeating itself about the same Thing over the course of about a decade, and now you understand my relationship with the band twenty one pilots. Whoops.

[fromtheboundlesssea]

W&B: Hiiiiiiiiii. Not sure if you're familiar with Interview With The Vampire(TV series) but I couldn't help but compare Daemon and Celia's relationship with the one between Lestat and Claudia.

And I cannot say even now that I regret Claudia, that I wish I had never seen her, nor held her, nor whispered secrets to her, nor heard her laughter echoing through the shadowy gaslighted rooms of that all too human town house in which we moved amid the lacquered furniture and the darkening oil paintings and the brass flowerpots as living beings should. Claudia was my dark child, my love, evil of my evil. Claudia broke my heart. - The Vampire Lestat

He loves her but not as much as he loves Louis(here it would be Daemon's relationship with Rhaenyra. Daemon prioritizing Rhaenyra and her claim over his children)

(above gif is her talking to Louis but it's the same thing)

Their relationship becomes more antagonistic as she gets older and there's a scene where she accidentally killed a guy she liked and asked Lestat to turn him. He refuses and makes her get rid of the evidence herself. He's quite callous about the whole thing and forces her to watch him burn. This cruel act is his version of tough love. He sees it as the only way she'll learn.

I fell down a rabbit hole and this is where I found myself.

I have not watched the show and far more familiar with the book lore as my mom loved the book series (she keeps trying to get me to read the first book but warms me about the utter grief within the word because of Rice was working through her own while writing it), but I think this is a perfectly acceptable parallel between two stories and these two relationships.

In fact, me reading the book might help with how I want to write Daemon later on in the fic.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2023-12-11

la baguette, etc.

EDIT: god damn this got longer than I expected

Listening: I almost exclusively listened to Against Me! during this trip for some reason. On Saturday night my metro got interrupted and I got kicked out a few kilometers from my hotel, and after watching a couple full busses skip my stop, I just walked back. I put on Black Crosses for the first time, which is a combination of demos and acoustic versions of the songs from White Crosses which is probably one of my favourite punk albums.

I can't listen to some of Against Me! without having a good bad time because of Memories but I do not have that issue with White Crosses. As far as the demo/acoustic versions go, they are much lighter than the mainline releases which is bad if you want something energetic but good if you kind of want to soak in the lyrics.

There's a lot of great ones on Black Crosses including the obvious ones like Spanish Moss and The Western World but the one that really got me while walking back was the acoustic version of Because of the Shame which is positively heartbreaking when given space like this.

Reading: I fell down a rabbit hole on delta-sigma conversion while doing simultaneous reading up on 32-bit float audio and what the hell DSD is. I will reverse explanations.

Delta-Sigma is a collection of techniques used, roughly, to convert between high-sample-rate, low-bit-depth data and low-sample-rate, high-bit-depth data. A delta-sigma audio analogue-digital converter might sample a low-pass-filtered version of incoming signal at 6MHz and 1-2 bits and use that to reconstruct a 16-bit 44kHz version of the signal. Thanks to nyquist and other various equivalences this works with basically zero quantization error if you chose your filters right.

I was familiar with this from class-D amplifiers, which are effectively delta-sigma digital-analogue conversion, which reproduces a low-frequency analogue signal by feeding a pulse-density encoded chain into an amplifier and a low pass filter.

Anyway, DSD is a silly audiophile brand name for an audio codec that stores the 1-bit pulse encoded form of an audio signal rather than storing traditional PCM audio. Fundamentally if your hardware is correct there's basically no difference in information content or density between them.

This led me to these two good articles on dithering and delta-sigma architecture, among others.

Watching: I stumbled across this ongoing good series on YouTube a few weeks ago discussing trends in marketing movies as being "no CGI" when they are absolutely the fuck not. The second part just came out, but here's part 1:

"No CGI" is always a ridiculous claim in basically any modern movie, but this is a really good breakdown of how a combination of irresponsible journalism and intentionally poor communication creates the impression that tons of incredibly effects heavy movies are actually "free of CGI".

Treating computer graphics and effects as some kind of scourge is a misled reflex. It reminds me a lot of backlash against pitch correction, because in most cases people do not realize how much pitch correction is used in basically all music you hear. Big artists playing live performances are even pitch corrected in real time these days.

It's just part of the business, and in a very parallel way, people expect the output of CGI/pitch correction even if they don't know that. If P!nk were to go out on stage and sing her music without pitch correction you'd hear the effects of her ridiculously energetic acts, and people would bitch about it because as evidenced by people who describe good sounding music systems as feeling "like live music", people don't know what live music sounds like! Live music sounds like crap compared to studio production, you're there to inhale six different kinds of cigarette and get hit in the chest by a drunk girl who isn't paying attention to where she's going.

Wow I have a lot of opinions about how people don't realize how much production is in things. This should probably be a post. Later. Hey this is like guys who talk about "no makeup" look-*I AM YANKED OFFSTAGE WITH A COMICALLY OVERSIZED SHEPHERD'S CROOK*.

Playing: Nothing really! Dark Souls stalled not because I'm stuck but because I was doing other things. Making block took up a lot of time.

Making: Hacked together a very basic proof of concept for inserting my own controller into an LED string. As encouraged by definitely unbiased user @compiler-specific I am going to try and write my own DSL for this, which will probably end up resembling a lisp just because that simplifies my life.

Also almost done with hambanner, an IRC ban management bot. I would have finished that if I was not. In Paris. over the weekend. Hopefully this week.

Tools and Equipment: Sometimes you will find that your phone is dead and you need to find your way back to your hotel in a bizzarely convoluted part of La Défense late at night. And at this time you will be grateful that you took the time to orient yourself relative to local streets and the river and the metro station so that you do not have to find a corner to charge your phone and can instead just get back to your hotel. It could happen to you.

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

Permanent tag list:

@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @gubeskneescrew @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose

Sugar daddy fic (Some tags didn't work)

@mggs-sidehoe @bakugouswh0r3 @mggskneescrews @moonlight-2-6 @spencerreidscumwhore @my-thoughts-are-weird @violetclifford @youabitchhhh @bunny-script @baby-i-am-fireproof @moondustmemories @rexorangecouny @minervaonmars @onlyhereforthefanfics @anonymous-reading @go2sleepducky @kingcrain @beepbooptoop @givemeth @emma-is-a-nerd@wrecky-becky @eternalspence @ne--yo-pets @valerieweasley @coldlilheart @andiebeaword

[spaceflower07]

I'm going to talk about the Alice in Wonderland official art we were blessed with

Ivan - Dormouse: This is honestly the one I disagree with most because Cheshire just screams Ivan. If Ivan was a cat he would be Cheshire. Or maybe he just seems to be the more calmer person, and that's why they put him as Dormouse. Dormouse was a walking corpse who's clearly exhausted and is in desperate need of a nap, but I think Ivan wouldn't be tired, he would just be a calm and neutral person who goes along with whatever happens to him (So technically he has no energy to resist) Arthur - Queen of Hearts: now this makes sense. I debated over putting him for the Queen but then I thought "Nah, he's a jerk not a narcissist" but still, the main point of the Queen is that she has major anger issues and beheads anyone who makes a mistake. While it's an exaggeration of what Arthur would actually do, it's still something he would do if he was more of a jerk than he is now. Kiku - White Rabbit: no objections, it's perfect, it makes sense and Kiku is adorable in his outfit. Feliciano - Cheshire: Once again, I don't understand. Cheshire is sly, creepy, manipulative, causes people frustration for his own amusement  and loves to mess with people lower than him. Feliciano is none of those things. But then again, he could be a Cheshire with good intentions and actually wants to help people. Like, a nicer and more innocent version of Cheshire, always smiling but it's cute not creepy. Ludwig: I honestly didn't know much about the Knave of Hearts until I did some research. He's...quite the interesting fellow, I must say. He is the Queen's assassin and apparently the Queen loves him romantically or something. He tries to seduce Alice, gets sentenced for it but lies and gets her in trouble instead, tries to kill the queen, etc. While Ludwig is most definitely not the type to do that, I think he would be an alternate version. He would be a loyal and honest devotee to Arthur but that would be it. He's a serious person who plays by the rules, he's the assassin who is highly favored by Arthur platonically because Ludwig follows rules to the tee and has never, not once, made a mistake because of it. And Hearts Queen!Arthur hates people who makes mistakes. They are close work-wise. Personal friend wise, it's like they're strangers. Alfred - March Hare: Makes sense, no objections. Alfred probably has ADHD in canon, gets easily distracted, is a loud person who comes off as eccentric, and a playful person who's mood can take a 180 in less than 0.5 seconds. Dormouse, Hatter and March were a very eccentric trio who loved tea and would celebrate days that aren't birthdays. Basically, they're always together. And that means that Ivan, Francis and Alfred are always together too. I love them. I love them as a trio. RusAme and Papa France? Francis as a third wheel but he enjoys it? Ivan and Alfred having tea together? the three of them dancing and celebrating together everyday? YES PLEASE. Francis - Mad Hatter: I did watch the disney film, and Hatter wasn't too weird. He seemed to also have a personality disorder and his moods can change very quickly. He was more neutral/nicer compared to March who threw a teacup at the Knave and snapped at Alice for having no manners. Hatter in the Burton version was also quite sane I believe, at least he was a helpful and wise. Still mischievous and loves to annoy others, but he was above average for Wonderland. Francis would be Hatter in Burton's version, definitely. Maybe not as eccentric though. I love the thought that he would be with Ivan and Alfred constantly, as he is close with both. A father figure to Alfred and a great friend to Ivan. I love the idea of them all singing, dancing, and having fun together everyday. Yao: The caterpillar was a very irritable person who did not take kindly to being insulted. He had a passion for poetry and actually had good advice on how to help Alice. Yao himself is irritable and mature, and always snaps at anyone who insults him (mostly of being old). Saying the mushroom had the remedy is such a Yao move and I can't explain why. He's usually a laid back and relaxed

person until someone makes fun of him. I don't know who Alice would be. Maybe Peter. Alice herself was very young and had a british accent, so I guess it would make sense for Peter. Alice also knew how to be annoyed and stand up for herself, and also was a curious person. I can imagine Peter being like that. Alice was considered to very young in comparison to the old wonderland creatures, so it fits.  I imagine that Peter's father (head canon of mine) disappeared mysteriously one day and immediately afterwards he saw Kiku with bunny ears running away saying he was late for something, so he followed him thinking that had to do with his father's disappearance. He fell down the rabbit hole, ate and drank the food that adjusted his sizes, then went out. He ran after Kiku and followed him thinking he could lead him to his father, but eventually lost sight of him. Then Feliciano appears as the Cheshire and helps him find Kiku (but gets distracted by things a lot so he strays off topic, annoying Peter). He meets up with Kiku again in his house and tries to ask him about his father but Kiku is too busy scurrying around to even hear him. After Kiku is done bustling around he leaves his house in a hurry, while Peter spots a cake tart on the table and eats it but becomes large. He drinks a glass of milk that turns him tiny. Peter runs out of the house and is horrified by how large everything is, until Feliciano comes again and directs him to Yao, saying that he will be able to fix his height. Peter eventually reached Yao, but was bothered by all the smoke. After Yao finished dramatically reciting a poem and turning into a butterfly, he advised Peter to take a chunk out of the two sides of the mushroom since one will make him tall while one will make him small. After a bit of trial and error Peter managed to figure out which is which and stuffed both mushrooms into his pockets. He wandered into the forest again, wondering where to go next when Feliciano appeared yet again. Peter asked where he ought to go but Feliciano said that it didn't matter where he went just as long as he got somewhere. Peter thought it made sense so he set off in a random direction. He eventually stumbled upon the Mad Tea Party. Francis, Ivan and Alfred were all singing and dancing together. He sat down on one of the chairs and clapped once they were done, surprising the three. Alfred was first to speak up and loudly but nicely welcomed him to the tea party. Peter thought they were quite eccentric, and as someone who grew up living under constant etiquette and rules, was both frustrated and surprised to see that they were breaking every single rule of dining but nonetheless, enjoyed their performances. After they had calmed down, Peter asked them if they knew his father. It didn't ring and bells for them until Peter described him: "He has unruly hair, green eyes and ridiculously thick eyebrows. His name is Arthur."  The three were in shock for a while before dragging Peter to the Red Castle. There, Arthur himself is playing golf with his loyal knight, Ludwig. Peter was shocked, and so was Arthur. 

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Prologue

You know, I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t go into bingeing the 2020 renewal of Animaniacs with the thought “I’m going to watch this and then go and watch the original Pinky and the Brain shorts and spin-off show and do a rewatch and loose analysis on the whole franchise with special attention on queer subtext and themes”. What I initially set out to do was simply watch the renewal and see if it lived up to the show I watched pretty regularly as a kid in the 90s…or at least what I remembered of it through the haze of decades worth of time.

Pinky and the Brain was my favorite set-up on Animaniacs back in the day. Back then I probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell you why beyond “I think it’s funny and the characters are fun to watch as they screw up trying to take over the world”. Other segments were funny to me back in the day, too. Slappy the squirrel was great in that she was basically just like the classic, near-timeless Looney Toons a la Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, but as an old lady toon who’s seen it all and tries to relate to the changing world while proving that the ol’ slapstick ways still work. The Goodfeathers were entertaining despite the fact that I was a literal child and didn’t even know that it was a big ol’ spoof of Goodfellas. Hell, I’ve still never seen Goodfellas, but three pigeons trying to carry themselves like macho tough guy mafia folks while being goddamn pigeons is still funny with or without that context. And as for the Warner siblings themselves? Their skits were pretty consistently great as well. Lots of that Bugs Bunny-like energy of putting terrible folks in their place when they annoy you while coupling it with the dynamic of three child siblings who are very, very active and much too clever for the average person. It was fun!

But as I watched the 2020 reboot with its stripped-down cast now largely consisting of just the Warner siblings and Pinky and the Brain segments for the season (And I’ll be honest, some of the segments from the 90s like Katie Kaboom, Buttons and Mindy, and the Hip-Hippos are ones I’ll be happy to never have return because they were godawful even back then), it brought into focus the strength of those segments compared to most of the others from the old 90s line-up: The strong dynamic and chemistry of the relationships between the main characters of those skits. The Warner siblings are a trio of kids who, despite being truly cut from the same wacky cloth as the most beloved of Looney Toon characters, also very much tap into a very realistic depiction of sibling relationships. Sure, they get on each other’s nerves sometimes. Sure, sometimes they have disagreements on how they view a certain situation. At the end of the day, however, they care about each other more than anything else and work in such perfect sync despite differences in who they are individually.  Sure, Yakko is a talkative theater kid jackass who sasses back at the drop of a dime. Sure, Wakko is kinda quiet and spaced-out and he has the appetite of a garbage disposal. Sure, Dot is adorable and witty and loudly and proudly feminist with an oddly feral streak. But if any one of them is inconvenienced or picked on or threatened in any way by someone, even if that someone is a powerful celebrity of some sort? You bet your ass the other two will immediately back their sibling up and make their tormentor’s life a living hell for the next however long the skit lasts. They’re little gremlin children who love one another, and have a surprisingly tragic backstory that actually speaks to a lot of fans on several levels.

But, okay, the bond between the Warner siblings is great and fun. What about Pinky and the Brain? What makes their dynamic stand out?

Folks, that’s where things get a little more…interesting. To me, at least.

So, watching the beginning of the 2020 reboot got me to slowly remember the parts I loved about the Pinky and the Brain skits from Animaniacs…were actually from their spin-off show. And the things I remembered most clearly from the spin-off were the more heartwarming moments that showed how much they cared about and loved one another, despite Brain being exhausted by Pinky’s dimwitted antics at times. And for a supposedly continuity-light cartoon show, there was a surprising amount of consistency to the main duo and their motivations. There was even a handful of reoccurring side characters the audience was expected to recognize from past episodes, as well, which is a bit strange to have for a show that initially seemed to aim to be strictly episodic. I remembered the odd amount of depth there was to the series. Nothing groundbreaking, mind you, but definitely something more than the average comedy cartoon.

So after watching the first few episodes of the reboot, I took to Tumblr to see if anyone remembered the old 90s show and to see how they were reacting to the new one. In doing so, I came across this post:

“i love that ppl make jokes abt a pinky and the brain version of the destiel confession because that. already happened....... the only difference is that brain pulls pinky out of superhell instead of dying on a barn nail”

Now, look, I’ve never watched Supernatural and only know it through Tumblr cultural osmosis, and at the time we were all riding off the high of the madness that was the finale of that show and the fallout from it. But ANYWAY…

This piqued my interest because 1. I didn’t remember watching an episode of Pinky and the Brain where anything like that happened, and 2. I was already picking up strong gay vibes from the reboot only a few episodes in. So, basically, I just had to hunt down this episode to sate my curiosity and see for myself if there was subtext in this 90s cartoon that I hadn’t quite picked up on as a kid.

I found the episode and started watching it. “Wow,” I said to myself, “this is a lot gayer than I remember…” And after finishing the episode, memories came flooding back to me:

That time the Brain fell for a girl mouse that was looked and acted lot like Pinky.

All those moments where Pinky would wear drag to disguise himself as Brain’s significant other in one way or another to further their plans for that episode, and how I could never remember it being ridiculed.

That one time they accidentally had a child together via a science mishap.

The ending of the Christmas special!...

And as I sat there, dumbstruck and searching Tumblr’s tags to see how far this particular rabbit hole (mouse hole?) went, everything finally clicked in my little bisexual mind.

This was one of the big reasons as to why I loved the Pinky and the Brain skits so much above all the others on Animaniacs all those years ago when I was a kid. It was the same sort of thing that subconsciously drew me to many of the cartoons and anime and media in general I loved as a child, back before I had the proper knowledge and self-awareness to know or express it.

Looking back on my life, I’d always gravitated to and resonated the most with stories and media with queer content in text or subtext. And sure, this cartoon was/is no Sailor Moon or Revolutionary Girl Utena with explorations of gender roles and queerness. It’s no Steven Universe or She-Ra with out and proud queer characters. It’s no The Little Mermaid or The Happy Prince where the stories were made by queer authors and subtextually about queer experience.

However…

However…!

I was surprised to find how deep the gay subtext went with Pinky and the Brain. Hell, I still am. This little Warner Brothers, Looney Toons-pedigree, continuity-light show about two lab mice trying to take over the world in bizarre, hilarious ways has such a weirdly continuous, heartfelt, touching, engaging, and sometimes outrageously raunchy queer undercurrent to it. All done in the 90s! It’s kind of baffling.

This is not to say that the creators and writers of the shows deliberately set out to do this. I don’t believe that anyone involved sat down and said to themselves “I’m going to make this so fucking gay!”. Sure, the voice actors of both Pinky and the Brain have said that they played the dynamic with “the energy of an old gay couple” and they’ve said plenty of suggestive or outright not safe for work things in the character’s voices in interviews and at convention panels. I firmly believe that they’re just having fun as the characters, just as much as I believe the writers were probably just having fun and putting in the gay subtext and suggestive lines as a kind of long running joke and seeing how far they could take it.

(By the time of the Pinky and the Brain comics, however, I’m not so sure. Some of the stuff they got away with in those issues is…amazing, to say the least.)

Regardless of actual intent, I think the writers of Pinky and the Brain (both old and new), have accidentally created a sort of subtextual, yet pretty powerful love story. And you know what? I want to rewatch this story for myself and write down my thoughts as I go along. I tried something similar quite a while back with Droids, and while I kind of ran out of steam as my life got busier and never finished, I have time now for something like this.

I should also say that I’m not out here to, like, convert anyone into shipping cartoon mice together. I imagine most people see Pinky and the Brain as nothing other than very close friends, and that’s a completely valid viewpoint to have. I doubt there will ever be some sort of canonization of a gay relationship between the two, as I imagine most of the writers on the new show (and hell, on the old one) are heterosexual themselves and would view such an idea as “ruining the comedy and the dynamic of the characters” or something similar. I’ve been in the fandom game long enough to know better than to hope and expect any media to sincerely tackle queer relationships in stories that only have the subtext there, especially in comedies.

I guess I’m doing this more to explore something I loved as a child and to see if I can find just as much if not more enjoyment from it as an adult, albeit maybe for different reasons. Hell, it’s also an opportunity to peek into a kind of time capsule from the 90s regarding how far queer subtext could be pushed back then, even when heavily couched in comedy. This is just a little project I wanna do for fun in my spare time. And hey, maybe a few of you out there will have some fun reading it too, who knows?

Either way, see you sometime soon in the new year.

[thehighestmountains]

evermore review and ranking:

overall, i found this album to have more skippable songs than folklore and the middle of my ranking definitely feels like the middle whereas in my folklore ranking, #14 was still a fav. folklore was a true anomaly where i was just adding the whole album to my playlist. evermore really feels like folklore’s little sister getting the hand-me-downs, who just doesnt know who she is or what shes doing with her life, what is the theme exactly. 

tis the damn season. i fell in love in the first five seconds. i love the moody mature guitar strums and drum beats amping up the entire song. the story of coming back to an old love in your hometown reminds me of the show ‘the normal people’. im a real sucker for sagas, timeless loves that pull you in time and time again, familiar feelings that just feel right because you experienced them at such a young age.  this song gets me.

There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me But if it's all the same to you It's the same to me

So we could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend ​'Tis the damn season, write this down

Sleep in half the day just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay So I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends

long story short. this is such a banger r u joking. i feel every single one of my blood cells pumping as soon as this song starts. i even love the post-chorus, a great break from the chorus and the verses. i could post the whole song as my favorite lines.

And you passed right by I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides The knife cuts both ways If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels breakAnd I fell from the pedestal Right down the rabbit hole Long story short, it was a bad time When I dropped my sword I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door And we live in peace But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready

ivy. hard not to compare this to illicit affairs, but this is like an upbeat version. if i didnt even pay attention to the lyrics, i would think this is so fun and catchy, it sounds good. there is no anger, there is a joy. and i just like it.

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered in you So yeah, it's a fire It's a goddamn blaze in the dark And you started it

willow. im really glad this was the leading single because this is a beautiful stringy piece with a great melody. when i was reading the lyrics before listening to the song, it sounded extremely cheesy with “thats my man”, “i come back stronger than a 90s trend”, but in the song, i love it. theres a lot of heart and oompf to this.

And if it was an open-shut case I never would've known from that look on your face Lost in your current like a priceless wine

The more that you say, the less I know Wherever you stray, I follow

coney island. i wonder why she picked coney island, a very summery location with the bright lines and merry go, when the whole album is supposed to be a winterscape. i barely understand what this song is about but i enjoy the sounds.

Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

evermore. i love when justin vernon starts singing with that beautiful falsetto “cant not think of all the cost and the things that will be lost”.

Or the violence of the dog days I'm on waves, out being tossed

champagne problems. before i get into this, i like this song, im impressed with the bridge and the chorus, i enjoy the story. just a small thing: title phrase. i just dont vibe with it, the rest of the lyrics couldve been more connected with champagne, i dont believe champagne to be any alcoholic’s choice of drink. and one more nitpick, who likes that random piano mash at the end, anyone?

Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it

One for the money, two for the show I never was ready so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

tolerate it - this is a good mellow song, i can relate to the deep sadness of feeling ignored, every thing you do is just dropped. i feel this could grow on me, especially because at the end we really get that jolt of energy, i can leave, i can do it.

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait

gold rush. this song is a little too sweet for me, specifically “i dont need a gold rush gold rush”. its just an upbeat and repetitive pop song. i also find this specific high school energy of really wanting someone but also despising their appeal to just not relate to the headspace im currently in.

no body no crime. whoooa that blast of country. it kind of feels weird in this album. i think the chorus is incredibly boring, “i think he did it but i just cant prove it” over and over.

No, no body, no crime But I ain't lettin' up until the day I die

closure. i cant get over the constant banging of industrial pots and pans throughout this whole song lol. i really went back and forth between do i like this, no i hate it, ok i could get used to it, no no it doesnt fit with the lyrics and how shes singing. i also dont care for “yes i got your letter, yes im doing better”.

we have a large pile of songs at the bottom, they all mush together in a sad corner. these could maybe grow on me but i also would be fine never listening to them again. with folklore’s sad songs, like epiphany or my tears ricochet, there was still something that appealed to me. most of these, there just isnt anything.

happiness - similar to tolerate it, i think the lyrics carry and convey a specific feeling very well, i have definitely felt this way, but i dont feel like the instrumentals match her emotional singing. i think she really carries this song and the instruments just let me down.

No one teaches you what to do  When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

marjorie - i feel like a song about her grandmother could have been so great instead we get “what died didnt stay dead” over and over and a bridge that is mostly about herself. “shouldve kept every grocery store receipt cause every scrap of you would be taken from me” is the worst of the lines, thats what you want to keep? grocery receipts? the song should be about her grandmother leaving all her “backlogged dreams” to her, and im not getting much of that.

cowboy like me - takes one... to... know... one...... this song does not embody  the type of cowboy shes talking about, perhaps a 80 year old woman singing about her tendencies to run away. im not convinced taylor is singing from a place she understands enough about. my least favorite line in the album goes to “the tennis court was covered up with some tent-like thing”. tent like thing? lol ok. although i will say one of my favorite lines is “forever is the sweetest con”, but that gem cannot save this song.

dorothea - this is the worst version of seven from folklore. its about ten times less interesting, very bare bones, hardly any story or background information. i dont particularly like the name dorothea. giving me major grandma vibes, these last three songs are major grandma vibes. 

[ilovemybarricadebabies]

My incredibly personal story of how I fell in love with Les Mis, and by extension, Enjoltaire.

I was first introduced to Les Mis through singing “Castle on a Cloud” when I was an 8th grader in my junior/high school choir. At this time, the film of the musical had just been released. After hearing my choir director talk about it, I had an interest in seeing it in the movie theatre, but was never able too. However, that summer, on either July 12th or 13th, 2013 (I only remember the date because I distinctly remember watching it, and then learning about Cory Monteith’s death (despite never watching Glee), my mother came home with the DVD of the film, and we watched it. At first, I didn’t really understand what was going on, but I ended up falling in love with “Do You Hear The People Sing?” and I listened to that song on repeat for days following. Apart from “Castle on a Cloud”, “DYHTPS?” was the first song that I truly knew from the musical.

Then, my freshmen year of high school, we sang “Bring Him Home” at our Fall Festival concert, and then, in the weeks following leading up to Christmas/holiday break, we watched the film in choir class. But that still wasn’t what made me fall in love. I enjoyed the music, but at this point, I wasn’t big on musical theatre. But that all changed that holiday break.

When holiday break came around, I sat down with my laptop, and pulled up The Phantom of the Opera from my iTunes account (now, I know this my LM story, but we need to go through my POTO phase first), and I absolutely fell in love with POTO. It was like a switch flipped and my whole world had came into focus. POTO was my segue into the world of musical theatre. Everything revolved around POTO for weeks. As I went through my POTO phase, I introduced myself to more musicals. I started first with the more mainstream (POTO, Wicked, Les Mis, and so many more that are considered mainstream) and then, I found the musicals that weren’t as popular. And I went through a time were I felt that my love for theatre needed to remain a secret because there was another girl in my school who was obsessed with musical theatre and I felt somewhat intimidated by her, so I kept it secret from everyone except my family. There wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t checking the Playbill website or reading about musicals on Google. I followed all the musical accounts on social media that I could. During this time, I had listened to the entirety of Les Mis and I had also understood the story better thanks to Google. Les Mis quickly became my second favorite musical, but nothing was going to take POTO from this spot.

But as I entered my sophomore year, my POTO phase had pretty much ended, and my Once Upon a Time phase began, but that only lasted for about six months. I was still obsessed with musicals, but my main focus was know OUaT. Then, I was in between phases for a while. Finally, that spring, after begging my parents for months and months, they gifted me with a trip to New York City in May 2015 (my second time going to that city, my first was in June 2013 with my mother on a mother/daughter bonding trip, where we saw the musical, and my first Broadway musical, Once), and I was able to see POTO on Broadway.

However, nearing the end of my sophomore year, my entire world turned upside down when my parent’s divorced and everything that I knew had changed.

But then, on Saturday, June 6th, 2015, I found my way to FanFiction.net (I had been reading Wicked fanfiction, but I was getting tired of it), and I found my way into the Les Mis category on FFN.net, and I found my way to reading Enjoltaire fanfiction. Granted, I soon learned that most of the fanfiction on there was Enjolras/Éponine, and that wasn’t at all what I wanted.

Now, when I first watched Les Mis way back in June 2013, I didn’t really care for the characters, yet. I watched it for the entertainment reasons. However, once I entered the world of musical theatre, and I watched Les Mis again (this time it was the 25th anniversary concert), my eye caught on to the dynamic that Enjolras and Grantaire had and what Hadley Fraser and Ramin Karimloo did with said dynamic in the 25th anniversary. That was when I started shipping it, and it became my Les Mis OTP.

After making my way through the Enjoltaire category on FFN.net, I made my way over to Ao3, and that was where the rabbit hole began. Every spare moment of my time was spent either reading Enjoltaire fanfiction on Ao3 or in the Enjoltaire tag on Tumblr. If my phone was in my hand and my eyes were to my phone chances it was Enjoltaire fanfiction that I was reading. I went to the lake with my mom’s side of the family at the end of June 2015, and while I did chat with my family, most of the time my phone was in my hand while I continued to read Enjoltaire fanfiction. I had also shown my cousin the 25th, someone who had never seen it, and even she started to low key ship it. Also, at this time, I had watched the movie more times than I could count, and I had also gone down the rabbit hole that is loving Aaron Kyle Tveit. I had learned everything that I could and I had watched everything that I could get my hands on that had him in it. I also discovered that while the dynamic that Hadley and Ramin had in the 25th was nothing compared to what the movie portrayed, or I should say what George Blagden portrayed, in the movie. My Tumblr account was covered in all things Enjoltaire, it was wonderful. My life revolved around Enjoltaire. I started writing and gaining many, many, many ideas for Enjoltaire fanfiction (I have 8 stories on Ao3. One in the process of being published, seven are complete and available for reading). I loved both Enjolras and Grantaire, separately (Enjolras I loved just a little bit more because he was my favorite character, still is and will always be my favorite character of the musical and of all-time, but nevertheless I loved them both) and I loved them as a couple. They were, and still are, my babies and OTP of OTP’s. They are the couple that I have stayed with the longest. When I’ve entered my fandom phases in the past, I usually lasted with the couple that I shipped for about six months. I still loved them after that, but not to the extent of what I had. My love for Enjoltaire has stayed for over four years and is still going strong. These two will probably stay with me forever.

Now, by this point, I still hadn’t seen it live. It had been revived on Broadway in March 2014, with Ramin as Valjean. At this point, the show in London didn’t hold any of my attention because I had had no hope of ever seeing it there. I did my best to keep up to date with it, but I failed miserably at that. Most of what I knew about the London production came from Tumblr or Google. I did follow the London actors and the Les Mis London account on Twitter. I was also aware that it was the original production in London, but like I said, I had no hope whatsoever that I would be able to see it there. I would have loved to see it, but living in the U.S., I doubted that I would ever see it. The only version that I wanted to see and could afford to see at the time was the one on Broadway, and I wanted to see that version BECAUSE of the fact that Ramin was Valjean, and I had already loved and adored him because of POTO and the 25th anniversary. I followed this production as much as I could. I was rooting for it during the 2014 Tony Awards and was absolutely pissed when it didn’t win. I had had the opportunity to see Ramin as Valjean at the same time that I saw POTO in May 2015, but instead, I decided that the other show that we would see during that NYC trip would be Wicked because Matt Shingledecker (the Fiyero (who is my favorite Fiyero) at the time was someone that had caught my attention through Kara Lindsay’s Broadway.com Wicked vlog, “Think Pink”) and I just wanted and was desperate to see and meet him, so I chose Wicked, a decision to this day that I still don’t regret. And overall, to me, I didn’t care that it wasn’t the original version, to me it was a story that I loved and adored.

Now, we are getting into the personal part of the story. My junior year of high school, my parent’s divorce had grown to the point where I think the best word to describe it would be bitter. My dad was butting in to my mom’s business, and my mom wanted nothing to do with my dad unless it had to do with me and my two siblings or my two nephews. My dad would drag me into the middle of all of it because I was the only one of my siblings still at home. My parent’s divorce was a mess. Some of my teachers knew about the divorce, but they didn’t know that I felt like I was drowning. I had kept up with my schoolwork and still had good grades, but I didn’t talk about the divorce because I didn’t want to drag people in to something that they had no reason to be part of. I was clearly in pain and I felt so alone, but I was good at hiding it, that no one knew. The one thing that I clutched to, the thing that was my absolute fucking lifeline was Les Mis/Enjoltaire.

Whenever I needed it, Les Mis was the thing that was there for me. To be honest, it felt like it was the only thing that was there for me. The story, the music, and of course, boatloads of Enjoltaire fanfiction. The only thing that got me through the day was repeating the line: “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise”, every minute of every day. If I was having a bad day or cheering up, the only thing that would pull me out of it was either Les Mis or Enjoltaire.

It was because of this that Les Mis became my absolutely favorite musical of all-time because it was the reason that I was still living. The story and music gave me hope and it was because of those two things that I knew that everything was going to be okay.

All while I was feeling like I was drowning, it was announced on December 2nd, 2015, that the Broadway revival was closing (by this time, Ramin bad left the production, Alfie Boe was Valjean, and John-Owen Jones has been announced as the replacement for Alfie once he left and would continue with the production until it closed) on September 4th, 2016. After this was announced, I told my father that he had nine months to take me to see the show, and he did because on May 14, 2016 at the Imperial Theatre, I was witnessing for the first time ever the story and hearing the music that I loved so much live. I was absolutely in awe of what I was seeing. To me, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t the original production, all that mattered was that I was seeing the story and the characters that I loved so much play out 100 feet in front of me. I was sobbing and my breath was taken away. My eyes didn’t leave the stage, once. I loved and adored every moment of it. On the day, the revival closed, I was working, and I was taking my lunch break when they live streamed the curtain call for the final performance on Facebook. I was sobbing as I watched it.

Then, I started my senior year of high school, and unlike my junior year, it was so much better. My junior year was my worst year of high school. Part of what helped me make it through my senior year was that my sister (who hadn’t been talking to my family for over 12 years) came back to the family. I now had someone to talk to about what had happened, and it made me feel so much better.

Now for the last year or so, I knew that my father had been planning to gift me with a trip to anywhere in Europe that I wanted to go for my graduation present. It was originally that I wanted to go to Italy, but then I changed my mind and decided on Paris and London. I chose Paris mostly because it’s one of my favorite cities in the world and it’s the settling of my favorite time period in Les Mis. Then, I chose London because I had always wanted to go there too, plus like Paris and NYC, it’s one of my favorite cities in the world. While we were planning the trip, my dad asked me what shows I wanted to see. The only shows that I knew for sure were Les Mis, POTO, and Wicked. Now, like I said earlier, I knew that Les Mis was the original production, but while that was part of the reason why I wanted to see it. The other reason, the much, much, much bigger reason, was because I knew that I would be once again witnessing the story and characters that I loved so much come alive 100 feet in front of me. And I got those three shows, as well as seven more, on the trip itinerary.

On June 5th, 2017 at the Queen’s Theatre, I was able to witness, my favorite show and characters that meant so much come alive, once again, 100 feet in front of me. While I was amazed with the revolving stage and how the original production was put together, it wasn’t what made the story special for me. Like the Broadway revival and every version of the story that I have listened to/watched, I was sobbing by the end and my breath was taken away. At the end of it, I didn’t care that what I was seeing was the the original production. All that mattered to me was that it just my favorite musical. On the plane ride home from London, I needed to experience it again, that I watched the movie on my iPad through Amazon Prime. Like with Broadway, I had been in a Les Mis slump, that all I wanted was too watch/listen to anything regarding my favorite show.

As the next year went on, I started college and I had to deal with people asking me why such a mainstream musical was my favorite, I didn’t know what to say. They had no business in knowing why it meant so much to me. Before I started college, the announcement of the U.S. tour cast was announced, and while I had already been hoping to see it if it came anywhere near me, once I discovered that Matt Shingledecker would be playing Enjolras, I was more determined than ever to see the tour.

When it was announced that the tour would be coming at the Orpheum Theatre in December 2018 in Minnesota which was the closest that it’s come to me, it took quite a lot of convincing from me for my father to get me tickets to see it for my birthday in December. He was reluctant because I had already seen it twice already, but all I needed to say was that it was my favorite musical and he got me the tickets.

And on December 29th, 2018, I saw my favorite musical for the third time, and once again, not caring what production it was, I was seeing my favorite characters and story come alive in front of me. I was sobbing and breath was taken away. After the curtain call and the lights came up, I cried for like another five minutes. And once again was in a Les Mis slump for days afterward.

Now, not to bring up a bad subject, but with the change that is occurring in London, while I am heartbroken over it, I also don’t really care. The staging of the show doesn’t hold any sentimental value for me, not like I know it does for some people. What part of Les Mis that holds the sentimental value for me is the story, the characters, the music, and of course, Enjoltaire. Without the story, without Enjoltaire, I wouldn’t be on this Earth anymore. This story had already meant so much to me that when I saw it live, it was just the cherry on top of a beautiful, wonderful, delicious ice cream sundae. I have/will watch/listen to the musical no matter what staging it’s given, or even lack of.

Now, while I am slowly, like snail’s pace slow, making my way through the book. I am determined to finish it one day. All of my knowledge that I know from the book is from the people that I follow on Tumblr, who have read it. While I’m slowly making my way through the book, I have read other passages in it, and from just those I know that I will love the book, and it will give me even more reason to love it more than I already do.

This musical has meant to so much to me that when I finally get the money for my first tattoo, it will be “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise” on my upper arm between my shoulder and elbow, written in the logo’s font. That quote is my favorite in the musical and it’s the quote that has meant the most to me. It was my mantra my junior year. And after that tattoo, I want to get another Les Mis related one, but I want that one centered on Enjoltaire, but I’m not sure. Either way, I know that I will get the first one for sure.

And I think that pretty much covers why this musical means so much to me. And this story is obviously incredibly personal, just like I’m sure everyone else’s story regarding this musical is. But this one is unique to me because it’s my story.

[iwritestuffsometimes]

Cockroaches (Roughest draft) part 3

The blackness left me and I was in a corn field. For a few precious seconds, I thought I had just passed out during my morning chores and had a very real, very long, horrific nightmare. I thought everything would be perfect and normal again and I could forget about shiny beings and horrible men who control them. Glancing up, my heart sank as I realized this wasn’t my family owned garden. I sat up and saw a house that was collapsed on one side, smoke was rising from a hole cut into the ceiling.

“G’mornin sunshine!” a voice said behind me.

“NO!” I screeched, forming my hands into tight fists. I spun around, thoroughly expecting to see The Traitor coming to take me back.

“Woah. Kay. So, not a good morning then. I was just being polite. Don’t birth a cow.” He held his hands up defensively. I squinted my eyes at him. I could very well be imagining him. “What? Do I have food on my face?” He frowned and ran one hand across his mouth; the other held two dead rabbits. He looked like a completely average twenty-year- old. He wasn’t buff but wasn’t skinny either. He wore a ratty Star Wars baseball cap, a flannel shirt, jeans, and dirty canvas tennis shoes. His eyebrows were blond.

“Who are you? Where am I? Why am I here? How did I get here?” I needed answers.

“Calm down, there, Red.” He nodded at the dilapidated house. “I’m hungry. I aint about to stand out here and explain the ways of the world to you on an empty stomach,” he started toward the shelter. I followed. “Name’s East by the way.” He tossed over his shoulder. I could see little red curls contrasting with the black of his cap. “Watch your step.” He said as he pulled the screen door off its hinges and leaned it against the wall. I frowned in question but he never explained. “Hey Toby! I brought fresh meat.” He yelled into the house. “And something to eat too.” He winked at me and smiled at his joke. “Well hello there.” A scruffy looking man appeared from around a corner. “You’re just in time for lunch.” He had a strong southern drawl. His teeth were slightly yellowed, his eyes were the brightest green I’d ever seen, and he too, wore a cap with red hair peeking from the bottom. “Made ham and corn.” He nodded towards the fire made in the middle of what used to be a living room and handed my companion and I plates as we sat down around it. “So, who are you?” He asked between bites of meat.

“Uh. My names Dustin.” I swallowed a chunk of slightly rotted corn. Compared to the slop I was forced to eat before, this was heaven.

“Dustin?” James snorted. “That’s a stupid name for a lady.” I frowned at him like I hadn’t heard it a million times before. “So, Dustin, how’d you end up inside the Raid Can?”

“Raid Can?” I asked around a mouthful of ham.

“Ya know. Raid. Poison.” He took the rabbits from East and began cutting the skin open. “Get it?” I frowned and shook my head. He jerked on the fur of one of the rabbits and it ripped away from the meat with a wet sound. “Roaches are the only critters who can build up a tolerance of that junk, see?” They tried to use their Raid Can to exterminate ev’ry body. ‘Cept it didn’t work as well as it was supposed to- just like Raid never really worked the way it was supposed to. It didn’t work on us.”

“Us?” I was hoping he wasn’t being too literal; that we weren’t the last three people on Earth.

“Fire crotches.” He nodded. “My theory is there’s something in our DNA that makes us impervious to their little apocalypse. Like roaches.” He smiled at his brilliant metaphor.

“My Gosh.” My head spun. “Youre telling me the only people who weren’t killed are redheads? That my whole family is gone and I’m not because I have a gene mutation that makes my hair a cool color? That I’m a cockroach? I call bull.” I spat. No way this dude is serious. No.

“Well, its not Red.” East cut in. “Theres a camp just a few miles from here- the only other people we know for sure survived- every single one is a GRITS.”

“GRITS?” I shook my head in confusion. This is too much, this is crazy. I Just want my family back.

“Gingers Raised In The South.” East smirked. “Came up with that one myself before they fell outta the sky.” He waved his hands like a conductor at a symphony. “Freaking aliens man. No one ever really expects aliens. Everybody was all ‘nah that only happens in holos.’” He scoffed. “Yeah, well, a little off dontcha think?”

I shook my head to clear it. “Whatever. How did I get here? Where the heck is here anyway?”

“Well I think this is Andover, Tennessee.” Toby frowned. “We haven’t exactly kept up with names of places. Its not exactly priority number one these days.” He started skinning the second rabbit. “Now you’re here cause Easton here, isn’t too good at takin’ orders from his older brother. I told him not to go lookin’ for trouble but he just aint a listener.” East rolled his eyes. “I was just looking to poke a few holes in that Raid Can, ya know? Just wanted to cause as much damage as possible inside that hunk of plastic. You were a happy accident. I was gonna try and vaporize as many of those shiny suckers as I could. You were there. I didn’t know they still had prisoners.”

“That was you? How did you make the Unvers disappear?”

“Unvers? That’s what you call them?” He looked at me like I was crazy. I didn’t answer. Instead, I raised eyebrow in annoyance. He sighed. “I got a hold of an old 2010 version of a stungun. Modified it. It’s a bit more lethal now.” He smirked. “I can’t believe you didn’t see me. I mean, I guess that explains why you ran the wrong way when I pulled the whole ‘come with me if you wanna live’ line. … I just figured you really hated vintage movie quotes… Or had a death wish or something.” He shrugged.

I frowned. Wait a second… “You hit me! What the heck dude?!” I screamed. “You bust into an alien base and decide to knock out the prisoner? Genius! Spectacular!” I stood up to leave. If this guy has no problem knocking me out, maybe being here isn’t exactly the greatest idea. “Thanks for the food. I’m gonna go now. Find somebody who wont hit a defenseless and scared captive of an alien race.”

“You really don’t have a clue do you?” Toby pulled me back down roughly. “You don’t know a thing. You’ve been living with them for God knows how long and you still dont know what goes on.” I clenched my jaw. “That scar on your shoulder; do you have an inklin of an idea what that’s for?” I blinked at him. “Yeah, I thought as much.” He nodded to his brother.

Easton pulled open his shirt, showing a scar that matched my own, running the base of his neck to his left shoulder blade. “They use the torture as a smoke screen; theres a tracker under that scar. I broke it. You’re welcome.” I reddened and chewed my lip. We finished our food in silence and then “We’re heading to the camp after dinner, we heard theyre thinking about a plot to get at that human leader, you comin?” East asked.

“Absolutely.” I handed my plate to Toby who dumped the bones out the window. “Do you think we could stop somewhere first?” I asked quietly, the men frowned. “Just to Heffron Drive. I have something I wanna see.” I said to the dirty carpet to hide the tears forming.

[werezmastarbucks]

Soothsayer [4]

[1]

[2] 

[3]

Word Count: 2075

Warnings: Language, Drinking.

Genre / Pairing: Parent!Tony, drama, contemplating.

You took on drinking. Natasha entered the kitchen space, observed it with her eyes, and saw you at the counter, trying to come to terms with whiskey. Oh well, since they’re all dead, might as well start drinking. She thought you were sometimes being too dramatic – even given the circumstances. She didn’t sleep for the past two days, too agitated with all the work. The world needed some gluing back, and she was in the middle of it, surprisingly clear-headed. She was coping better if she didn’t have time to eat, or blink. She felt almost fixed. After people started disappearing all over the country, and beyond, the collateral damage level sky-rocketed at the bitching pace. Three hundred thousand additional deaths in gruesome accidents or through suicide, that, with exactly half of the Earth’s population gone. Imagine a train with no machinist, or a plane with no pilot. All the mothers dispersing suddenly right in the middle of the street, leaving their children startled and confused, circled by empty cars, performing their wild waltz. The buildings fell, the space objects operated by people crashed down killing small villages, and the television studios were being wiped clean, looking like haunted spaces after a zombie apocalypse. And yet, the world was so quiet, like everyone was afraid to breathe. The only sound was clinging of the glass in Y/N’s hand, and at the end of the day, Natasha decided, it wasn’t the worst decision.

She placed herself calmly next to you, turning the bottle to face her, although she knew what kind of whiskey it was. The compound, though not Stark’s place of living, was his barony. So, only the best things definitely. Never has Nat thought that she would go warm inside at the thought of Tony Stark. That she would thank the heavens for him being around, and alive. However, there was another side of being alive for him at the times like this.

Nat couldn’t help grinning when this thought stroke her mind. At the times like this.

You looked at her. She was very tired. You did nothing all day and looked even worse.

“Can I help?”

She bit her lip, staring through the counter.

“You’re not leaving the compound until you’re fully healed physically”.

“Thank you, ma’am”.

Two questions circulated at all places inhabited by humans now: how are you? and what do we do? You asked none. You drank together in silence.

 Tony Stark rubbed his face, which felt like sheepskin. When he opened his eyes, he saw the blurry picture of Y/N. She was holding on her side like it was causing pain.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m walking. What are you doing?”

“Tryina…” he scoffed. The pipe wouldn’t move. FRIDAY’s seen a leak yesterday, that let the heat escape the walls in the basement room where he kept the old suits. He’d entered the room, looking around at the dark-red gleaming silhouettes behind the glass. Only the chosen ones, the oldest versions, like the priceless pieces at the museum. He’d fought the impulse to blow this place up. Whatever happened here, a whistling sound told him that there was an actual hole in the wall, god knows why. He busied himself with it. He had four hours to go before catching the plane.

He punched the plastic pipe with his fist in sudden rage. He could feel his right eye twitch.

“Is Rogers here?”

“Yup, I think so”.

“When can you go out? I need you to come to Washington with me”.

“I could go today”.

“You sure?”

He examined you with a strict knowing eye. He shook his head to himself. You didn’t pass.

“Get this bitch moving, please, do me a favor”, he sighed and leaned back, sitting on one knee. He couldn’t waste all his energy on one fucking pipe. You were staring at the thick white worm, not believing there still could be such prosaic problems to deal with. You stretched out your hand and sent a hot impulse to the side of it, moving it slightly to the wall.

“NO! The other way, dammit!” he exclaimed sharply, waving his hands, and then his palms went up to his face again. You flinched at Tony’s outburst, pressing your arms to your chest like a rabbit.

“Sorry. I’m sorry”, his hand laid on your back, and you nodded, putting your hands on the pipe again.

“It’s okay”.

“Nothing’s okay”, Tony said in that tone of voice that you couldn’t describe any other way than dancing. When he was losing control so badly even his throat seemed to vibrate sporadically.

“This shit is torn off, Tony”.

“You don’t say. We need to take it out and change it”.

The rib sent killing waves to your nervous canals once you leaned forward, bending, and you ouched quietly. Tony pulled at your shoulder firmly. You were both sitting on the floor surrounded by his suits.

You swung your head looking at them, recalling how you’ve seen Mark II when you were a child. He seemed like a miracle. Iron Man was standing above all people, a gleaming golden and red titan of strong lines, with the sun behind his shoulder, the panels on his chest and his back shining like the sun itself. He was always the epitome of hope to you. You never voiced it, but… well… you didn’t even know how to phrase it to yourself correctly, so that it doesn’t sound cowardly, or cruel. You were glad Tony wasn’t one of the dead ones. You knew he wished he was. And yet you were glad to have your non biological father around. Now you already got familiar with that unpleasant idea that if he died, you’d probably weren’t much worse off; and yet. And yet. He was sitting on the floor next to you, his black coil-like eyes scanning all things, looking for something he knew he wouldn’t find. And then they land on you and get one thousandth calmer. And you can’t wish for more.

“Boss”, FRIDAY’s voice ascended on you before you could say anything. She sounded so polite and respectful. She was perfect. You felt migraine strike you right in the forehead.

“Thor has arrived”.

“Thor?” Stark lifted his face like she was on the ceiling, then looked at you. He stood up and offered you his hand, and you grabbed it, folding your fingers around his wrist. Why have you never appreciated this moment of contact? How could you think there was something more precious in this greasy, cold, noisy world, than the feeling of somebody’s palm gripping yours in support? Dry burning touched your eyes, and you took his hand with another, rising slowly, keeping his palm between yours in the solemn gesture. He didn’t pull away when you refused to let go.

Thor looked fresh and fit compared to all of you. He was standing there like a skyscraper, with his usual curious look on the bright face, despite all, and you citizens of the Anguish Town surrounded him like he was the messiah.

Rocket was sitting on a high chair at the counter, his small attentive eyes have located a dark bottle near the sink. Unfortunately, it was empty. The last Guardian’s thin legs were hanging funnily from the chair, and you took a second to appreciate the sight of it.

“Hello, friends”, Thor said. Benner was limping. He rubbed his left fist on his thigh and marched to the counter, passing you with a nod. He’d shut himself in the lab just like you, in your bedroom, and you two had barely seen each other in a week or so.

“Anything new? I thought you’d be far away, chasing the douche”, Tony requested politely. Steve watched from afar, his arms crossed on his chest. Thor gave away a small smile.

“Well, we haven’t found Thanos, not yet. But we have located somebody who could help us. She is, in fact, a Midgardian, and I was thinking to first council with you, in case you’re familiar with her”.

“What’s her name?” Bruce asked.

“Carol Danvers”, Thor offered readily, and did a pose. You raised your eyebrow. Rocket was already chewing on something.

“Doesn’t ring a bell”, Stark confessed, “Anyone?”

A round of slowly shaking heads. Tony gave a long look to Steve, and he shrugged.

“Why are you standing so far away?” Tony asked, hurt in his voice. “Why are you not paying attention to me”. Rogers sighed, giving up in advance, and headed to the rest of you heavily. He wasn’t holding a grudge though. You saw Stark’s hand going up and landing on his back briefly once he got close. You leaned on the counter not to give away how badly you wanted to knock yourself to sleep. The painkillers were killing you, not pain. They gave you headache and were putting you to sleep, making your slow brain work even more slowly.

“Well, she’s our good chance for help. Me and the rabbit, we shall reach out to her, and, I figured”, the Asgardian nodded towards Cap and Tony, “Stark would like to go with us”.

“No can do, not today”.

Thor frowned.

“Alright. Tomorrow. Is tomorrow good?”

“Who is she, that Carol Danvers?” Natasha wondered, slightly irritated. Ha! Romanoff doesn’t know someone?

“She’s our big hope”, Rocket noted knowingly. He grew even tougher yet than he used to be.

“Hope for what? How can a Midgardian help you locate Thanos? I thought you were the best at it”, you were puzzled.

“Oh”, Thor’s face alighted, “no. Not with Thanos. With your deceased ones”.

Silence fell on everyone for a second. You felt a small axe hit on your brain once, and then hot air left your nostrils. You swayed.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked. Tony was standing in the defensive pose, clutching his elbows, at his shoulder.

“Well, to bring them back”, Thor smiled lightly, with the soft condescension that marked his every conversation with the mortals. The softness in his heart, piercing it through and making him smile warm, every time he had to explain something to them, was unmistakable. Thor would never get enough of their awe, the mouths agape, their powerlessness they expressed when faced with the wonders of the Universe. Their denial, and shock, and their convulsive attempts to take everything in at one bite. He could never get enough of the Earth.

“De… you can’t just…” Benner started and shut up.

“Or can you?” you finished slowly. Thor smiled at them. Oh, he forgot to tell them, didn’t he. Yes, back there, in Wakanda, when he lost Thanos because of his foolishness, when everyone started to disintegrate, he was so preoccupied and angry, he forgot to comfort them, and left. Bah! He was about to slap himself on the head. He gave out a laugh that startled his friends, and made their faces go as long as the tail of a comet.

“No-no-no, we just call them deceased, well, to mark their absence, but they’re not really… ah, you didn’t start mourning them, did you? I am so sorry that I haven’t mentioned it earlier. You must all feel like idiots”.

Tony’s mouth opened and closed, and then his eyes went completely black. He hissed something like a snake, and no one could translate.

“Wait. Are you saying they’re not dead?” you didn’t realize you were yelling.

“Oh, no”.

“Where are they?” Steve whispered. Rocket cracked his fang on something and swore under his breath. You jumped at the sudden noise.

“Well, they’re inside the Soul Stone currently. That’s how it works, you see, - it takes the souls and conserves them inside, it’s very greedy indeed. But it is possible to restore the lost lives. I mean, it happened to me once, about seven hundred years ago…”

You lost sight and touched your face to check whether you still held other senses. The bright green spot before your eyes was stealing the kitchen space, the raccoon, Thor, and the sunshine gathering behind his back. The tip of your nose was cold, and you pinched it. That was it, you’ve had enough, you told yourself. A huge bird with sharp golden feathers raised its head inside your chest. You turned your head to where you thought Steve was standing, gasped for breath. Someone grabbed your shoulder. Steve Rogers glanced at you, his hands falling down. The soothsayer was right again.

taglist: @shelbyyychristian

@csigeoblue

@theshortegg

@wickidlady

[girlsgerms]

Picks of December 2019

Hello! Here are some of my music, movie, and other art picks of the final month of the decade! This year I’ve really been getting into 90s rock, permanent wave, slowcore, and punk rock. This month especially I’ve been interested in the music of the 70s and 90s acoustic songs. It’s been really cool seeing my taste in things progress to where they are now and I’m excited to see what else I find in the new year! Without further or do, here’s what I’ve been vibing with this month. :)

Music:

1. Gut Feeling/(Slap Your Mammy) - DEVO

After rewatching the movie 20th Century Women for the first time in many months, I had a resurgence of my love for the Talking Heads, Black Flag, and the Buzzcocks, and a newfound love for DEVO. My dad when I first got into the Talking Heads at the tender age of about 12 or 13 told me about this band called DEVO. He saw them live for the first time when he was about 17 or 18. Anyways, I’ve grown up with them in a sense but never really paid attention to the work they did. I’m glad I finally decided to give a listen to their debut album “Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are DEVO!” It’s led me down a rabbit hole of discovering new music and the culture of the 70s (which I’ve come to hold close to my heart). This song has become a sort of anthem for me. I’ve spent countless hours listening to it on loop and having dance parties with myself. The intro comes in subtly leaving you excited for what is to come. After an astounding 2 minutes of heavy drums, keys and a guitar riff that will remain in your head for days, the lyrics come in heavy “Something about the way you taste, makes me want to clear my throat” making it impossible to resist the urge to jump up and down shouting along with the band. Truly a great song would definitely recommend.

Other DEVO songs I recommend: Uncontrollable Urge and Jurisdiction of Love

2. St. Ides Heaven - Elliott Smith

There really isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been said about Elliott Smith. In my opinion, he is one of the greatest songwriters of all time. His haunting lyrics on this song, in particular, have stuck with me this month and this is yet another song I’ve had playing on repeat lately. It is simple in production and instrumentation but I think that’s what makes it beautiful.

Other Elliott Smith Songs I recommend: Whatever (Folk song in C), Miss Misery, Happiness/The Gondola Man, I Don’t Think I’m Ever Gonna Figure it Out, and Condor Ave

3. Halah - Mazzy Star

The music of Mazzy Star/ Hope Sandoval has really been there for me this year. There’s not much to say other than this song is beautiful beyond compare. It is the first track off of my favorite Mazzy Star project, She Hangs Brightly. I would definitely recommend this song and band to everyone.

Other Mazzy Star songs I recommend: Blue Flower, Fade Into You, and Rose Blood

4. Pop Queen - Noise Addict

This is an acoustic ballad by 90′s Australian indie rock band, Noise Addict. I haven’t done too much research on the band but from what I know, they were a group of thirteen-year-olds led by lead singer/songwriter Ben Lee. This song, in particular, Pop Queen, is a cute, very raw and very unproduced single with simple yet enticing and creative lyrics. It was the lyrics of their songs that really got me attached to the band. There are many references to other bands I enjoy like the pixies and pavement in their songs as well as what it feels like to be a teenager, something I can relate to as of this moment in time. (I’ve only listened to this ep, Young & Jaded, but I expect to like most of their other songs as well.)

Other Noise Addict songs I recommend: Wish I was Him

5. Beechwood Park - The Zombies

The Zombies are yet another band my dad loves. I remember him buying Zombies CDs when I was younger so back in September I decided to check them out. I fell instantly in love with their album, Begin Here. This month I decided to make playlists dedicated to my favorite songs from the decades 1960s-1990s. While searching through my library of saved songs I came across this beauty. I hadn’t listened to this song in probably about a year so I decided to listen to it again and it was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made this month. The zombies make these incredible psychedelic songs and I think Beechwood park is now my new favorite. I definitely recommend this song to everyone. (Especially when you’re driving late at night, this song feels extra special)

Other Zombies songs I recommend: She’s Not There, The Way I Feel Inside, and Going Out of My Head

6. Like Dylan in the Movies - Belle & Sebastian

https://youtu.be/3Sf4B8aercg

A friend of mine back in September introduced me to the band, Belle & Sebastian. This month, I was lucky enough to get two of their albums, The Boy With the Arab Strap and If You’re Feeling Sinister, on vinyl. I quickly fell back in love with Like Dylan in the Movies and it’s become a new favorite. 

Other Belle & Sebastian songs I recommend: She’s Losing it, Is it Wicked Not to Care, Get Me Away from Here, I’m Dying, and The Boy Done Wrong Again

7. Androgynous Mind - Sonic Youth

https://youtu.be/FvpbB8g0e64

Now, I’m not about to sit here and tell you that this song is any good. In fact, it’s really just Thurston Moore screaming “hey hey it’s okay” over and over again, but I’ve come to really enjoy listening to it. I truly believe Sonic Youth is a band for everybody. Their entire body of work is extremely diverse, experimental, and different. If you don’t like one song keep exploring their discography and you’ll probably find something you’ll enjoy eventually. For me personally, I love their albums EVOL, Daydream Nation, and Sister the most. Back to Androgynous Mind, however, this is a punchy punk tune that really gets you in the mood to bang your head. If you’re into noise rock/punk and just like music that makes you want to move, this song is for you. However, if you’re more into pop-y music, maybe skip this song.

Other Sonic Youth songs I recommend: Schizophrenia, Shadow of a Doubt, Teen Age Riot, The Diamond Sea - Radio Edit, and Incinerate

Movies & TV:

This month I was lucky enough to see quite a few movies that stuck with me.

1. Honey Boy (2019)

Let me tell you, I was really, really looking forward to this movie. Over the summer I watched every Shia LaBeouf movie I could get my hands on. He became one of my favorite actors and I loved learning more about his story. Noah Jupe portrayed a young version of Shia under the name “Otis.” He stole the show. His acting in this movie was absolutely incredible and I’m now a huge fan. Overall this movie was shot beautifully and extremely well written. A new favorite

Other Shia LaBeouf movies I recommend: American Honey and Holes 

2. 20th Century Women (2016)

I watched this movie for the first time around the time it was initially released. This is the movie that introduced me to the work of Elle Fanning, Greta Gerwing and Annette Benning. Three incredible women whose work I admire very much. The story is about a young boy named Jamie growing up in the year 1970s. We see him go through the struggles of growing up without a father, falling in love, and just, in general, being a teenager. It is a very powerful movie that I connected to instantly upon watching it for the first time. It was recently added to Netflix so I decided to watch it again and once more I’ve become obsessed. 10/10 would recommend.

3. Bojack Horseman (2014-present)

To be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting to like this show, let alone binge all 6 seasons in a span of 2 weeks. Another good friend of mine recommended it to me and I’m very glad I trusted her judgment. This show was unexpectedly deep and tackled subjects I didn’t think any tv show would ever cover. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I found comfort in Bojack’s character and his struggles with mental health and life problems. This is show is very important and I’m very excited for the series finale to be released.

Alright! That’s it for this month, this year, and this decade! I’ll be sure to write up some more things in January. I think I’m planning on making two posts a month of what I’m listening to and watching. This was fun.

[spicegirl99]

Your handle says "Dedicated to the shameless shipping of My favorite DWTS couples plus a little bit of randomness" so, who are these couples?

Here's a story all about how, my life got flip turned upside down... and I discovered my secret obsession with shipping couples from dwts. Buckle in, boys and girls. So, by my nature I tend to get obsessed with something for a while and then move on, so my blog has changed several times with my whims. I have been a casual watcher of dwts since about season 14 or 15 I guess, but I wasn't a super fan. I just watched it and enjoyed it and didn't think much of it. I first discovered Tumblr during season 19 after coming across a video on Twitter of "all Maksyl dances" and I loved their dynamic and went googling to find out what a Maksyl was and found Tumblr. Back then I was just a lurking anon in @trocoloca 's inbox. My ship was sailing, posting adorable snuggle reunion pics and such all of the time, so, I started to get bored because I'm like that. I came across a gifset comparing Val and Zendaya with Maks and Meryl. Now, this gifset threw me for a loop because up until this point I was sipping the Janelskiy tea. I enjoyed their dances and bought into the showmance... but when I saw these gifs it made Janelskiy seem like fake news because I hadn't seen Val look so enamored with anyone else like he was looking at her. I had watched season 16 and enjoyed Val and Z but never really noticed a romantic connection between the two of them. So I went diving in the Valdaya tag and found gifs, interviews, social media interactions, etc that made me think there was something there. The age difference was bugging me at first but when I looked at it objectively and thought about some of the individual factors in their relationship it didn't bother me as much. So I think that's around the time I started my blog and one of my first posts was about that age difference. And it turns out I am a huge sucker for the forbidden romance trope so I was hooked. So I was shipping along, it was going great, my dash was filled with Maksyl in the morning and Valdaya at night, don't ask me why but that's how it was, when Maksyl all of the sudden went to hell and the tag became a disaster zone. When it after a while it became pretty obvious that ship was sunk, I went to mostly a Valdaya blog. I even wrote a fic for each of those ships, which when I first found Tumblr I thought was the weirdest thing ever. I was so creeped out by fics about real people. But over time I realized the characters were only inspired by real people, and they were fictional versions, and then I was cool with it. Well so then Season 20 came along and about week 9 or so, Mark and Sadie had their trio dance with Emma and started getting real emotional, and I started seeing a little something there. Again, forbidden love and opposites attract and all of that. And they reminded me so much of some of what I'd seen with Valdaya and seemed to have such an intense soulmate type connection, and were acting like boyfriend/girlfriend to me in a lot of ways, and I fell right down that rabbit hole. I shipped it so hard. I knew it was a crack ship and I did not care. I obsessed like crazy and wrote a ton of fic and I still think they have one of the most beautiful intense connections they came out of the show and had the circumstances been different, it could have gone in a different direction. But now I think they have fully turned it into an amazing friendship and I have warmed up a lot to Mark and BC and their relationship and think they are really sweet. So I'm just chilling along and watching season 23, enjoying several of the couples, and I'm watching the group dance rehearsal and notice James staring and Sharna while she's choreographing, and then doing things to intentionally make her laugh, and guys I am not kidding you I fell so hard for them. I don't pick my ships, my ships pick me, and this one lit something up in my brain and I again went ship crazy, rewatching all of their dances and packages and posting all of my feels, and people started sending me anons, and I met all of you lovely people, and that's how my blog came to be in it's present day state. I said it one of my tags a while back, and I do believe it to be true, that I don't always pick the ships that go romantic, but I do pick the ones that have a special connection. Maybe that is just what I personally want in a romantic relationship, so I see it that way. Anyway, there you go. The couples that I shamelessly ship. My dwtsotps.My babies. 😍😍😍