#i wanted the background to be kinda scrapbook-y

[pigeons-paintbrush]

merry christmas, happy holidays, and happy new year. i am late for nothing

anyway, behold: the papyrus!! this is like my first time properly digitally painting something, and i really like how it turned out :]

[sincerely-sofie]

Check-in for October 27th, 2023

I spent 3 hours straight working on a single assignment that was meant to take half as long as it did. It took all my brain power to complete it, and I couldn’t get much tangible work on personal projects done as a result. Still got some planning done for business stuff, though. And I’ve been gathering inspiration and references for my dating sim / visual novel project.

The visual novel doesn’t have a premise yet, but I’m building up some creative guidelines to help me generate ideas. I also am planning out some scope limits to keep the size manageable. With NaNoRenO coming up in March, I’m hoping to get all the prep work done at a leisurely but consistent pace over the next few months, then finish up the project over the course of March. That’s very wishful thinking, but you know what they say: “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” And if my wishing and daydreaming about goals is given the planned-out structure of a checklist and schedule, I can maybe, possibly, hypothetically complete this game.

I still need to think of a premise, though, so I better get cracking on that.

I’ve had a few ideas for visuals styles— like making scrapbook-y visuals with collages, journaling ephemera, and paper textures scanned in from real life, combined with actual photos for backgrounds. I’ve also had ideas for atmospheric flair, like typewriter noises playing whenever characters “speak.” Not sure if any of these would appear in my final product when I don't know what the story would even be, but I am very excited either way!

After doing some research on different visual novels, both ones I've played and ones that I've wishlisted or thought looked cool, I've tentatively decided I want to make a wackier sort of visual novel--- one that would preferably be a dating sim of some kind, but I'm not picky. I once drafted the ground work of a cryptid dating sim as a teenager where romance-able options included an angsty gray alien, a spoiled rich boy lizardman, a reverse-spiderman situation heroic vigilante mothman, and an eldritch god named Paul. That project is definitely too big for me to make with my current skillset and patience, so I can't take it on as a project quite yet--- but I can dream.

I'm tempted to make a dating sim based on some OCs in a setting I mentioned previously that is populated by bug people, but that's pretty niche, and I'm honestly not too sure if there's an audience for that sort of thing--- especially if it's essentially an extended inside joke with myself. Even so, I am tempted. So very, very tempted.

One day I will make finalized art of these characters, and everyone will know why they're peak examples of blorbohood.

That being said, I have other ideas that could be adapted to a visual novel or dating sim. One of them involves a tech enthusiast whose computer gets possessed by a malware demon, another details the player going on a blind date with a stereotypical "Hero of Prophecy" fantasy character, and another one is a playable bedtime story. I'll spend some time going through the archives of concepts and try brainstorming some new ones. Still going to need to take it easy for a while--- I've got a busy month coming up with NaNoWriMo, and I don't intend to burn out ahead of that--- but I'll be working on the concepts and required research at a gentle pace!

Seriously, though, fingers crossed on the possibly-completing-a-game thing! I finished a pilot / minimum viable product of an RPG titled Momther a while back and it made me realize I had the chops to actually enjoy game dev as a hobby--- I just have to stay focused and committed, ADHD be darned. If I manage my health well, both mental and physical, that should be nice and doable. I got this!!! Kinda!!! Hopefully!!!

Sincerely, Sofie

[tsubomipsycho100]

🎨

u always come up with SUCCHHHHHHHHHGGHH good concepts so i need 2 kno for scientific purposes

OUGH okay I akready answered this one but if its specifically abt how I get ideas I have some stuff

uhmmmm so firstly I always try 2 figure out rhe Vibe I want. I get Super into media I like which helps a lot bcs I'll usually have some game or show im modelling my art off of for at least a drawing or two, but sometimes its also just straight vibes

in these drawings I aimed for like a late 90s-early 2000s teen girl movie where they gossip on the phone kinda feel

this one is made to feel more childlike and scrapbook-y

n these two are both meant to POP, with vibrant colors n busy, oving backgrounds, with a stark cobstant to the sad/neutral faces. They were also both an excuse 2 shade differently lol

I also Totally use other artists. While I wont completely copy the drawing w/ diff characters, I might use similar composition/layout lol

another final note is that most of my drawings dont rlly have a Purpose behind them- why is denji in a claw machine? why does yuno have a dove and a bird next to her? Why is Girl B hiding from some rando witha box? the answer is It Looks Cool. I just see something I want to draw n I pick a character 2 draw it with lol

[kissryuwuji]

krew with phones

did i write this at 3am 2 months ago and never looked at it again? maybe.

Korra has an android, most likely a Sumsang Galazy uhhhh smth idk i don’t keep up with phones. It’s not the one with the pen tho, it’s probably an older generation one bc if she had a latest model she would have too much power (no she wouldn’t)

like if this was in canon, she probably got it at the end of s1. Like imagine aang’s spirit going up to her and being like korra,,,,,,,, here’s a sumsand galazy bc u can’t navigate the city at all,,,,,,,,

anyway she has no idea how to use it but she catches on pretty quick how to text. Makes a lot of typos. Abuses the emojis. She likes the arm, hands, shrug, sports ones.

is appalled by how different the iphone emojis are from android

The type to backspace all the way to the first typo she made instead of tapping it or holding the word or whatever. And then she forgets what she typed and it strays from what she originally had.

Didn’t know the front camera existed. She’s like, whaT!? I’ve been staring at the dark screen to pick food out of my teeth! So now that’s what she uses it for.

Asami has the latest model of iPhone that has the home button bc she actually likes it

she probably has other iphone models just to tinker with them.

I bet by the time iphone releases their next model, she’s already made her own that has more space, better cam quality, faster speed, more durable screen, etc. than their model and the home button is still there.

Does not use emojis very often, and if she does it’s the thinking face with the hand on the chin 🤔 when she’s talking to Korra or Bolin

Also has a work phone, but it’s filled with a lot more stuff than her personal phone

that OR she has a sumsang note or whatever has the pen bc she likes that feature when she's commuting and she can doodle or draw over blueprints

does not put a period at the end of her sentences

Mako has kept the same flip phone for the past 3 years even though it’s all scratched up. He texts slowly bc abc2 def3 ghi4

responds late bc the sound is broken and the vibration thing got weaker

uses a lot of acronyms. Probably makes up his own too, like chl (coming home late) or wduw4d (what do u want for dinner, because the u is the second press and y is the third press).

Don’t expect emojis or emoticons bc he has a character limit. When someone sends him a text with an emoji, it either fails receiving it or it just pops up as the diamond with a question mark in it

If his flip phone allows group messaging, the messages always come individually instead of altogether.

So when he reads one from bolin, he has to go back to the folder, press up, click, read korra’s LOL with a bunch of emojis (he Cannot see the emojis), then repeat.

He can’t message them all at once, so he just sends whatever he has to say to bolin so on bolin’s end there’s just a long line of mako’s messages pertaining to the group chat that he has to relay to the group. But by the time he does that, the group already moved on to whatever else. When he has smth to say, it’s frustrating, but otherwise he wouldn’t mind doing this when he's on break or is bored

If he decides to upgrade his phone (most likely because the others pitched in and got it for him), he gets the blackberry phone with the rolling cursor and he likes playing the ball and brick game on his breaks.

He says he doesn’t miss whipping his phone out and opening and closing it because really it was such a hassle to do but it has sentimental value for being his first phone and it’s kind of muscle memory for him to flick his phone open when he pulls out his blackberry.

Bolin has an LG smart phone (idk what gen) bc he’s the younger sibling.

he abuses the camera and runs out of space and has to constantly delete apps and pictures and videos.

The earliest video he has is probably a probending match so he could rewatch it and learn strategies (not really he just wanted to capture toza’s match)

it's a super shaky video. no you can't zoom in.

his first picture is a blurred sidewalk and his first selfie is probably blurry too because he didn’t know the thing needed time to capture the image or wtv and he got excited and tried it with mako afterwards.

His second selfie with mako was probably two months after he got his phone because he found out you can change the default background so he takes one with mako and mako hasn’t smiled for a picture since he was 8 probably so he kinda just does what FEELS like a smile but it comes out like a straight line. 

The camera is not the greatest but bolin probably enjoys how pixel-y it looks until he gets a glimpse at asami’s photo qualities.

Bolin uses the 🤪🤩😬🤯 the most, but also always matches the food emoji to whatever he's currently eating.

Korra's camera roll consists of screenshots she intends to look at later and sometimes theyre of her teeth when she accidentally takes a picture while picking the food out

Asamis personal camera roll starts off with pictures of places shes been to and slowly fills up with candid pictures of her friends. No one ever noticed she snuck a picture of them until she makes a scrapbook

[konaizumi]

Gen Y ep 12 thoughts/reaction

- ok, so confirmed that wayu and thanu did in fact see shared visions

- a small part of my heart dies every time i see my baby wayu cry

- so, i wonder if there will be more visions next season

- i love wayu saying that he thought destiny brought him and pha together bc i think it’s going to make it more powerful when/if they [wayu and thanu] choose each other once wayu finds out about phai

- my poor baby phai tho, i just want all my babies to be happy

- i hope that once wayu finds out about phai they still stay friends, they’re very cute together and they care about each other and i hope they never start disliking each other or fighting

- very glad phai did what he did, i was was worried for a second that he was not going to give up, but he didn’t and i love him so much and i know he’s going to get a bunch of angst next season but i just want him to find a nice boyfriend whose uncomplicated and loves him like he deserves

- i still don’t know to feel about poktong, like i want them to end up together (i think), but i keep swaying back and forth bc sometimes their cute and fluffy but then you have the weird aggression and them saying they hate each other which is kinda uncomfortable to watch

- 25 min in and we finally see some markkit

- i live for every single one of kit’s awkward smiles (he’s so awkward in this scene and i love him)

- the scene where kit tells mark that he’s fully his boyfriend and past the probation phase had better be as amazing as it deserves

- can we pls stop with the romantic non-con, it’s these scenes that make me dislike poktong

- also they’ve been building up to it so much that when poktong finally kisses it had better be one fucking amazing kiss

- i hate it so much in bls when they kiss someone’s neck like that it looks very weird and not sexy

- jesus christ those fucking hickies

- can poktong just admit that they have feelings and get it over with already

- thanu is so cute and pure “this will be my first time and i’ll try my best” and he says this completely seriously, he’s too precious

- i want to see more of this padbok who just goofs off with his friends and isn’t an asshole with anger issues

- where can i find a partner as sweet as thanu

- thanu sending him and notes and wayu making a scrapbook, they’re so cute together

- i assuming it was pha who bought all the viva plus? they didn’t really comment further on it

- i knew pha was gonna be back this ep bc we saw his car last ep but i was hoping he wasn’t gonna come back just to start shit

- it’s not true love unless you can start a water fight with them

- also how long did the actors have to film the water fight, their shirts are so wet they’re see through lol

- markkit are living together confirmed!!!

- why did they have to make sandee an asshole? he was so sweet but now i have to unadopt him

- so i’m assuming sandee’s goal in showing the picture to wayu was to break them up so phai can get thanu, now the question is whether he did that out of friendship or love bc i still think phaisandee could potentially be endgame

- please stop hurting my babies

- i’m very glad wayu clearly intends to talk to thanu about it and not just immediately break up with him

- the high school babies ship markkit so hard

- the blindfold scene is so cute tho, kit trying to hold back a smile while mark is touching his face

- jackkoh, pls just admit you like each other and not wayu

- i really like the cinematography of the scene with pha, the cuts between his feet, oblivious wayu still touching people, people around him noticing pha

- y’all, i was really hoping it would be god as pha bc then i would feel some lingering sympathy with him but i have no idea who this actor is so he’s gonna have to work real hard to win me over

- i get that markkit’s story is over so they don’t need as much screentime but I do wish they had waited until season 2 before completely relegating them to the background, but i do hope the get a bit more screentime next season so they can really explore the consequences of pha coming back not just with wayu but also with kit, i wanna see pha jumping through fucking hoops to get kit to forgive him

- so next season we are getting thanu/wayu/phai/pha love square, resolution to poktong, resolution/redemption for padbok, possibly a sandee plotline, hopefully a kit pha storyline, hopefully a jackkoh storyline, more married markkit

- i love this show so much, i love markkit so much, i’m very excited for next season and i’m gonna die if something happens to season 2

[rockcrow20]

Reasons I Still Believe in Kaylor - (Updated 3rd March)

Observations since the red “wedding” that make me still believe that Kaylor are still together.

Thank you to everyone in this fandom for there contributions, posts, observations and secret government agency level clue finding skills. (X = links to relevant posts).

Oct 22nd 2018 - Taylors forget me knots flower t-shirt while in OZ..X

Oct 31st 2018 - New Video in Karlie’s Kitchen and she still had the Kaylor photos up.. X

Nov 9th 2018 - Tay sings out of the woods on Tour and Karlie and co post photos in the woods.. X

Nov 16th 2018 - Taylors matching Karlie Clutch at the AMA’s.. X. also kinda matching outfits..X

Jan 15th 2019 - Karlie’s Astrology post with Sagittarius book shown underneath.. X

Feb 25th 2019 - Karlie rocking a Tye Dye t-shirt at Paris Week with Gigi in tow, hello lover merch and also similar to a shirt Tay was seen in also another PR episode themed tye dye (in 2020).. X X X

Feb 28th 2019 - Hanging out with Gigi at PFW X X X X

March 3rd 2019 - Karlie was in Paris for fashion week - Off White walk on 28th Feb then mysteriously posts that she was passing through NY on the 3rd of March before appearing back in Paris for the Stella McCartney show on the 4th March. Where did she mysteriously fly to and why point it out that she was back in America for some unknown reason - plus we know beginning of march is significant for them aka Big Sur or Love locked down...X X X X

March 14th 2019 - Taylor leaving/disappearing early from the Iheart awards the same night Project Runway Premiered..X

March 14th 2019 - Watch what happens live - Karlie getting asked about Taylor - there is a smirk..X

March 14th 2019 - Interesting anon telling Kaylors not to give up.. X

March 31st 2019 - Tay and KK liking the same Ciara post - X

April 2019 maybe??- The i need to make a phone call when filming ME when adopting Benjamin..X

April 16th 2019 - The Lover Butterfly Mural - 2 lady birds, giraffe print, similar previous to karlie VS wings..X X

April 2019 - Berlin video of karlie playing piano with “a interesting” female voice laughing at the end and saying you always.. X X

April 2019 - The man in the umbrella in the ME music video - looks like someone covered up with makeup, could potentially to be karlie?? Or is it Taylor giving us a nod the the Man music video?? X

May 18th 2019 - Tays ‘we’ slip on the Ellen show then saying its just me and the cats.. X X

May 30th 2019 - Karlie using ME! and 2AM in a story.. X X

June 3rd 2019 - Tay wearing a yellow T-shirt with her Wango Tango rainbow outfit.. X

June 6th 2019 - Karlie using a BBF vogue video gif.. X X

June 17th 2019 - THE HAND in the YNTCD teaser video - no one can convince me this isn't Karlie’s hand.. X X X X X

June 17th 2019 - Lover straw in the YNTCD video similar to Karlie’s bride straw. Also the Mint mojito it’s sitting in linking to Karlie’s 73 Question video where she says Mojitos are a favourite..X X

June 2019 - YNTCD with Taylor carrying out a Daisy from her burning trailer plus Daisies making a number of appearances.. X X X X

June 2019 - Taylor wearing the french fries suit in the YNTCD video then karlie saying in reply to a fan “not pregnant just love french fries!!!!” X

June 25th 2019 - KK’s Dad liking certain comments on the Wyoming stunt..X

July 4th 2019 - Abigail liking a KK insta post after the SB drama started.. X

Aug 3rd 2019 - Tay posts Lover Heart crispies pic on KK’s birthday.. X

Aug 16th 2019 - Release date of Lover Track being 13 days after KK’s bday and also track 3 aka KK birthday day also its 3.41 long (3+4+1=8).. X X X

Aug 16th 2019 - Lover lyric video with the kaylor sparklers video plus potential daises and big sur falcon pic.. X X

Aug 18th 2019 - Karlie listening to lover track on her Spotify X X X X

Aug 22nd 2019 - Lover video fishbowl scene X Also the snow-globe imagery and selling it in her merch.” dancing in a snow-globe round and round “ VSFS 2013 X X X

Aug 23rd 2019 - Lover release date may coincide with a certain date range where Kaylor may have gotten engaged.. X X

Aug 23rd 2019 - Lover album in general - Cornelia street, Lover, False God etc etc we all know it plus the release letters all over NY..X X

Sept 9th 2019 - The E news rundown video X

Sept 10th 2019 - Lover Paris Concert Mural ummm a polaroid, locket..X X X X

Nov 14th 2019 _ Karlie’s off the wall post during when SB was not letting Tay perform her songs - which i think is her being off the wall angry.. X

Nov 14th 2019 - Selena liking a Hung Vanngo post of Karlie..X

Nov 13th 2019 - Lover remix released on the anniversary of their first meeting VS2013 - “the girl in my story has always been you”..X X X

Nov 21st 2019 - The orange girl In YNTCD along with the Karlie Vogue cover in orange with cactus jewellery.. X X

Nov 25th 2019 - Use of a ballerina for her Lover AMA performance and then karlie also mentioning said ballerina months later in a insta story.. X X

Dec 4th 2019 - Taylor Wearing the VS angel ring on the kiss gate anniversary X X X X X

Dec 6th 2019 - Christmas Tree Farm song lyrics and happiness

Dec 12th 2019 - Taylor posting a pic of her with the huge cats door and then low and behold the following PR episode Karlie walks through a giant door for a Cats promo episode.. X X X X

Jan 2020 - PR episode with Cyndi Lauper aka photo with Taylor at Billboard Women awards and also having Laverne Cox as a guest too..X X

Jan 2nd 2020 - Martha liking KK’s post celebrating her vogue covers which includes the Kaylor one..X

Jan 23rd 2020 - The use of the song Karlie what you want, (karlie would you want to) song in Miss Americana when talking about her partner also the home video.. X X also this X

Jan/Feb 2020 - The cake recently that Karlie brought to a party that looks exactly like Taylor’s birthday cake from her pic in the studio with Jack plus the cake in Miss Americana X X X

Feb 6th 2020 - The song release of the Man and KK having a suits themed PR episode..X X X

Feb 12th 2020 - KK’s Daisy coat X

Feb 18th 2020 - The drawn Bethany Richards picture of the rainbow dress Taylor wore to the NFL draft on KK’s Galantines insta story..X

Feb 19th 2020 - KK scrapbook present has it open on a page featuring a daisy and giraffe in her thank you video X X

Feb 20th 2020 - Martha - Lily Ashley liking a Gigi disposable acct post of Bella with karlie in the background X X X

Feb 25th 2020 - Potentially the orange hand in the Man promo pic being Karlie’s X

Feb 27th 2020 - Photographed backstage chatting to Gigi at PFW off white walk X X X

Feb 27th 2020 - Taylor posting the picture of the Man scene where she leaves a brunette female in bed X X X X X

Feb 27th 2020 - The man video - “secret moments in a crowded room” with two women secretly touching each other on the train X X

Feb 27th 2020 - The similarity or shade with the wedding scene aka fake wedding no celebrant bride not happy during the cake scene X X X X X X

Feb 27th 2020 - Louboutin shoes - karlie at a show (24th feb), the man MV Tylers shoes, kimbys workplace X X X

Feb 29th 2020 - Hanging out with Cara at PFW after Cara has been quite vocal in her support of Taylor. X X X 

Feb 29th 2020 - Cara twice posting pics with Karlie X X X X Also previous post of Cara’s featuring Tay liked by Karlie X

Karlie Being seen with Cara Lily and Gigi in recent times X

Lily mentioning Karlie in youtube videos and liking her posts. X

Feb 29th 2020 - iwanthermidnights getting a taylor like (her second one) X X X now getting a karlie like on a insta comment

Mar 2nd 2020 - Karlie replying to youtube comments made by kaylor/taylor acct names X

General - 

These Karlie wine photos just give me kaylor feels X X X X X

Karlie continuously latergraming and the Fiordland spelling mistake incident plus always periods of days where she is  MIA aka christmas and coming back looking a bit sun reddened and wearing jumpers, posting dark pictures.. X

Often posting and tweeting within minutes of each other eg kobe posts etc

Karlie’s taking a lot photos from the rooftops in New York City and posting them after Lover’s release. X Her saying she picks gold over silver and that stating NYC is her favorite city vs Joe saying London is his favorite city.

OTHER posts to note..X X X X X X X X X X X

Thank you to everyone who responded with things i missed much appreciated!

[artificialqueens]

Roswell, NM (Sashea) - Stella

A/N: So this is going to be my final fic on AQ. I’ll still continue to post on ao3, so if you want to find my future stuff there I’ll be posting under artificialstella. What’s more fitting than my last fic being a lesbian au? Two friends on a road trip take a stop at the most infamous UFO hotspots in America. Shea wants to be happy, but there’s something weighing heavy on her mind.

It seemed like Shea had been staring out at the same distant mountains for the past two hours of driving. The desert slid by, warm and dry, as their van barreled down the highway. But in the distance, the mountains looked unmoving. It was the same, flat-topped rocks jutting out of the horizon. The land was so even that Shea couldn’t tell how far away they were. They just loomed in the distant, dark against the bright blue sky. That was what Shea loved about driving. America had so many different landscapes, from the grey-water beaches of New England, to the endless corn fields of Middle America, and now her personal favorite. The bright colors and hot, dry air were so different from the dull city.

“Shea?”

Her head lifted from the window, and she turned to face the driver’s side. Sasha was glancing at her through her giant sunglasses. She had been driving for hours now, after switching between the two of them at the gas station. There was a small smile on her lips, one she reserved only Shea. At least Shea liked to think so.

“I’m awake, I promise,” Shea replied. Sasha’s smile only grew, and she put her hand on top of Shea’s in the middle console.

“You didn’t look it. I just wanted to tell you we’re almost there. I didn’t want to disturb you though, you looked so peaceful.”

Her voice was teasing but genuine as she spoke, and it made guilt twinge in Shea’s gut for being so distant during the final leg of their journey. Sasha’s phone was plugged into the AUX cord and playing music softly in the background, but that still didn’t make up for Shea’s silence.

“I wasn’t sleeping boo, I was just admiring New Mexico’s beautiful landscape.”

Sasha hummed, and Shea could see the road in front of them reflected in the lenses of Sasha’s giant sunglasses. The image was warped and the colors were more muted, and Shea was tempted to break out her camera and take an artsy shot.

“We’ll get there in about fifteen minutes, did you want to go downtown first or do you want to go to the campground?”

“Let’s go downtown first, I kinda wanna grab lunch. It feels like forever since we stopped at Denny’s.” Shea rubbed a hand over her stomach, soothing the slight twinge of hunger pains. Sometimes they packed lunch for the longer legs of their journey, but since they were staying in Roswell overnight they didn’t prepare anything.

“We’ll get some food in your darling, don’t worry,” Sasha laughed. “I don’t need you being grumpy all day.”

She paused, before adding: “Do you want to stop at that cool McDonald’s they have? The one shaped like a UFO?”

Roswell was of course known for it’s alien obsession. After the UFO craze in the 1950’s and the Area 51 hype, the town turned into a hotspot of extraterrestrial chasers. Now most of the business in Roswell revolved around UFOs or little green men. McDonald’s was no exception. The building was crafted to look exactly like a flying saucer, bright neon lights and all.

The photo-op might just be worth the questionable food.

“Maybe we could go in and get some fries, and eat more later,” Shea suggested, trying not to let her disgust show. “I know there’s not many vegetarian options there anyway.”

Sasha nodded, her own nose wrinkled at the idea of filling up on greasy burgers, and handed her phone to Shea.

“Put the address in for me babe.”

Shea pulled up the location and put it into the maps app. Thankfully they were close, and within a few minutes they were pulling into the parking lot. Sasha parked the car, and as soon as the engine shut off Shea sprung out of the car. Her legs were stiff from sitting for so long, so she stretched out with a satisfying groan. After shaking her legs loose a bit, she caught up to Sasha in front of the car.

“Hold on, go stand in front of the building. I want to get a picture,” Sasha instructed. She turned right back around and rifled through her bag in the front seat, eventually pulling out her polaroid camera. Sasha had bought it specifically for the trip, and exclusively took pictures of Shea throughout their journey. Sasha claimed she was going to make a scrapbook of the pictures, so she could bring Shea with her when she left. Shea of course went along with it, but whenever Sasha broke her camera out it was always a stark reminder of why exactly they were on this trip, and it made her heart sink every time.

Shea swallowed the bitterness rising in her throat and posed in front of the oddly shaped building. Sasha assumed her dorky photographer stance, and once she lined up the shot to her liking she snapped the picture. As she walked over to Shea, the camera slowly spit out the film, still grey as it developed.

“Alright, let’s go inside.”

They ordered their fries and got back in the car, this time with Shea at the wheel. When they sat down, Sasha was staring down at the picture and grinning.

“This one is my new favorite,” she declared. “It’s so delightfully strange.”

She handed the polaroid to Shea. It was a well composed shot, as Sasha had an eye for that kind of thing. Plus, Shea was no stranger to modeling for the camera, and her modern style contrasted well against the eclectic restaurant. Shea chuckled and handed the picture back to Sasha, who tucked it safely in a folder in her bag with the others.

Shea started the car and continued on towards downtown. Roswell wasn’t impressive from the outside. It looked like a typical Southwestern town with squat, tan buildings and roads perpetually dusted with sand. But the closer they got to the center of town, the more of a tourist trap it became. There were novelty shops that lined the streets, little green men in every single window. Families wandered the sidewalks, most with antenna headbands swaying on their heads and t-shirts that read ‘I Was Abducted At Roswell And All I Got Was This T-shirt’.

Shea spotted a parking spot and quickly pulled in. Every stop they wanted to hit was within walking distance, thankfully. They both hopped out of the van and Sasha pulled out her phone again.

“The black light museum is the next block over, and the museum is a little further. Do you wanna do it in that order?”

“Sounds good,” Shea agreed. They started walking, their pace easily syncing up.

Shea wanted to be more excited to be in Roswell. When they were mapping out their journey at the beginning of the year and the town had come up, both were eager to explore. Shea didn’t believe in aliens herself, but she found it amusing that after all of these years, people were more inclined to believe in visitors from outer space than ignorant civilians from the 1950’s mistaking a military plane for aliens. Sasha seemed more open to the idea, and even joked that Shea was the Scully to her Mulder. Either way, it was a town they had both wanted to explore.

Now, not so much. All Shea could think about was how little time they had left together. Two more days until they reached Las Vegas, and then three days until they flew from there back to New York. When they landed they would part ways, Shea back to Manhattan and Sasha to Brooklyn. Sasha was already packed up, so the next morning she would be back at the airport and flying to Amsterdam, where she’d be obtaining her Masters for the next three years. The closer they got to parting, the harder it was for Shea to stay positive. She was losing her best friend, and no amount of polaroids or facetimes could replace her.

“I think this is it!”

Sasha’s excited voice snapped Shea out of her funk, and she looked up at the building. A big poster advertising the black light museum took up a majority of the front window. It was definitely the right place, but judging by the size of the building, it wasn’t going to be an extensive display.

Sasha pushed inside, and the pair discovered an old man sitting in a chair by the entrance. He greeted them with a smile, missing a few key teeth.

“It’s three bucks a ticket, ladies,” he said as they stepped closer. Shea pulled out a ten from her purse, and after grabbing the change he gestured towards the entrance.

“Don’t get lost,” he teased. “The aliens’ll get ya.”

Together they stepped into the hallway, and the walls lit up with colorful paint. There were scenes of futuristic alien societies, distant planets, and vibrant star systems. The music playing through hidden speakers sounded like a mix of the Stranger Things soundtrack and a theremin.

“This is so cool,” Sasha enthused, linking her arm with Shea’s. Her hand felt comforting on Shea’s bicep.

“It’s alright I guess. I did one of these when I was like, twelve, so the effect has kind of worn off.”

Sasha chuckled and flexed her fingers against Shea’s arm.

“You seem so above it all today, are you still grumpy from your nap?” Sasha’s eyes seemed to sparkle mischievously in the blacklight.

“You got me girl,” Shea laughed. Sasha cooed and cuddled into Shea’s side as they continued to walk.

“We can get you a coffee before we go to the museum,” she promised.

“Oh, that does sound good,” Shea agreed.

They continued on through the museum, but it wasn’t that long of an experience. They couldn’t have been in there for more than five minutes before they had reached the end, spilling of course into a gift shop. There was a teenager behind the counter, typing away at their phone.

Shea tugged Sasha over to the wall of t-shirts. They got novelty items at every city they stopped at, but Roswell by far had the coolest trinkets. She picked out one of the shirts, then turned to Sasha.

“You should get one of the antennas,” she suggested. Sasha laughed, loud and throaty, causing the cashier to finally look up from their phone.

“Yeah? Do you think I’d finally make my transformation into a creature not of this earth?” Sasha replied. Shea hummed, so Sasha released her arm to go hunt down the headband. She returned with two green balls gently swaying on thin springs above her head.

“Take me to your leader, earthling.” Sasha’s voice sounded more like Kermit the frog than an alien, making Shea double over with laughter.

“Like you ever want to be in the same room as President Drumpf,” Shea shot back. Sasha’s face immediately curtled with disgust.

“You’re so right,” Shea sighed.

“Aren’t I always?”

After they paid for their trinkets, Sasha kept her word to stop for coffee. They managed to fine a little cafe a few stores down, and the smell of fresh food immediately hit Shea as they opened the door. Her stomach growled softly, reminding her that their snack of fries definitely did not do the trick.

“Look at all of the options,” Sasha mused, her eyes wide as she read the menu. The store looked like it could’ve been ripped out of Brooklyn and dropped into Roswell. Knowing the town, probably by means of UFO. The cafe was minimalist, with an overpriced “organic” menu and coffee drinks with weird puns. It was no restaurant, but the panini’s looked fresh and the scent of roasted espresso beans had her craving a latte.

Shea ended up getting a hefty chicken and pesto panini, a large latte, and another sandwich for later. Sasha got one of the salads and a green tea, as well as a sandwich of her own for later. Now they didn’t have to make anymore stops for food, and could probably go straight to the campground after the museum.

“Wanna sit at the table by the window?” Sasha suggested.

“Lead the way, I’m not picky.”

They sank into worn arm chairs and immediately tore into their lunches. Shea’s sandwich was hot, and the pesto was rich on her tongue. She almost groaned with happiness at getting genuinely good food for the first time in a long time. When on a budget as tight as theirs for the summer, it was rare that anything tasted fresh. Sasha looked content with her salad as well, the leaves dark and glistening with dressing. She stabbed her fork through a crouton and popped it into her mouth, chewing happily.

As Shea ate, her attention flickered from staring out the window to admiring Sasha. The other woman was world’s away, her eyes unfocused as she watched cars go by outside. Sitting together like this, completely at ease, made Shea’s imagination overflow with useless daydreams. Would this be what it was like to be on a date with Sasha? Happy, peaceful, content?

If they were on a date, Shea would’ve nudged her foot under the table, initiating a flirty little game of footsie. Maybe she’d steal Sasha’s fork and feed her a piece of lettuce, or sneak a sip of her tea. She wondered if Sasha would do that snorting laugh Shea loved, or if she would blush and hide behind her curly hair. There were so many things Shea longed for, but she’d never let herself actually indulge in. Especially not now that Sasha was leaving.

“Check out the cutie walking by,” Sasha mumbled slyly, her eyes moving away from the window. Shea snuck a peek to see a young guy with a nicely trimmed beard sauntering by. He was totally Shea’s type, just the right mix of hipster and douche. Sasha was used to scoping out hot guys for Shea. Sasha couldn’t possibly know that Shea’s tastes had wildly evolved in the past month.

“Just what I need, a hot guy in a town I’m leaving in less than twenty-four hours,” Shea joked.

“No harm in looking,” Sasha countered. As she went back to her salad, Shea stole one final glance at her best friend. No, there was no harm in looking. Shea had so little time remaining getting to soak in Sasha’s presence anyway. Why not stare until she committed every facet of her features to memory.

After a long lunch, the pair continued on exploring downtown Roswell. The museum was really the only other major attraction aside from more novelty stores. Museum was a bit of a stretch, really. It was more like an archive of old newspapers, as well as published theories about the 1947 UFO event. Clearly it was a museum put together by love and not a budget. Other than the occasional drawing, it was mostly text upon text of firsthand accounts and interviews. They spent hours pouring over the different exhibits, joking around about their own theories and speculations. Shea was able to forget her troubles, just for a while, and enjoy an afternoon with her best friend. It felt like they were in college again, sitting in the library and joking about their essay topics. It seemed like even as adults, there were some things they wouldn’t grow out of.

There was only so much time they could spend in the small museum, and after checking the time, they both decided they should head to the campground. Roswell had given them everything they had wanted to see, leaving Shea feeling satisfied as they exited the museum.

The sun was starting to set, casting the town in a soft, warm light. Their campground was just outside of the town in a state park, and Sasha insisted on driving.

“There’s somewhere I wanna stop first,” she said. Shea didn’t care, she’d follow Sasha anywhere.

They pulled out of the parking spot, and left downtown Roswell in their rearview mirror. It wasn’t long of a drive, and soon enough they were pulling into Bottomless Lakes State Park. There was a sign pointing towards the campground, but Sasha ignored it. She kept driving until she eventually turned off of the paved road and onto a dirt one. Slowly the ground inclined, and Shea could see the expanse of the park beneath them. Finally Sasha pulled off of the path onto a long expanse of flat earth, overlooking one of the larger lakes in the park. The water looked purplish in the fading light, and endless. Surrounding it was clay-coloured dirt, and with the colorful sunset painting the sky, it was absolutely breathtaking. Sasha put the car in park and grinned.

“The roof?”

“The roof.”

Their van was old school, with enough room in the back for a mattress (which they slept on most of the trip), and a ladder on the back door leading up to the roof. Sometimes they liked to sit on top of the car and stargaze, especially when they were so outside of civilization, where the sky was brimming with light. Shea reached back behind her and grabbed the large pillow with the arms for them to lean on, as well as a couple of smaller blankets. She got out of the car and watched Sasha climb up, then handed her the supplies so she could ascend the ladder as well. Once she was over the edge, she could see Sasha was already in place. She held her arm out to Shea, so Shea settled against her best friend with her back to Sasha’s chest. Sasha’s chin rested gently on the top of Shea’s head, and her arm wrapped around her waist.

It truly was a beautiful moment. The park was silent, and the lake was still as the sun slowly sank beneath the far mountains. Stars were just beginning to emerge, reflecting against the water. The air was finally starting to chill after a blazing day, just comfortable enough that the thin blanket strewn over Shea’s legs was enough. The view, paired with the sensation of Sasha’s body underneath hers, made the whole thing feel like heaven.

Fleeting, temporary heaven.

“I think this is my favorite stop,” Sasha admitted. “I wasn’t expecting it, because you know how much I hate the heat. But there’s something about it.”

Shea hummed in agreement. The whole day had seemed surreal. It was like they had traveled to a place removed from time and history. It just existed with it’s little gimmicks and unending desert. There was no Amsterdam, no home to return to. It was just the two of them.

“I’m going to cherish this summer,” Sasha continued. She had that waver in her voice that she always got when she was emotional. Sasha was such a caring person, she always felt things deeply and sincerely. When it came to being sentimental, she was the queen. Shea was usually her foil. She was the pillar, the one who could swallow her feelings like a bitter pill and put on a smile for the rest of the world. But not today. Over the past few weeks she could feel her pillar chipping and crumbling, ready to collapse into a feeble pile of defeat.

“Me too baby,” she whispered, not trusting her voice. Sasha held her tighter, and Shea felt lips on the crown of her head. That was it, it felt like the beginning of goodbye. Vegas was their last stop, and then they’d be apart for years. Shea could feel her heart sinking, like it was dropping into the center of the bottomless lake. She felt dark, and cold, and wet tears welled in her eyes before she could do anything to stop them.

Shea tried to mask it, casually swiping under her eyes like she was rubbing an itch. But Sasha was too perceptive.

“You make it so hard for me to leave,” Sasha admitted. Her fingers stroked soothingly down Shea’s arm, so Shea reached over with her opposite hand to link their fingers.

“I know you need to go, but it just started to sink in, and there’s so much I want to say but I know it’s too late.”

“It’s not too late,” Sasha argued.

Shea sat up and turned so she was facing Sasha. Sasha’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears, and her frizzy blonde hair was falling out of the bun piled on top of her head. She was so beautiful, so familiar, and Shea just wanted to sink into her, lose herself in those wise eyes forever.

“It is,” Shea insisted. “It doesn’t matter what I say. In five days, you’re going to be on a plane to Amsterdam, and I’m not going to see you for years. By the time you come back, things will have changed, we’ll have changed. There’s no use, Sasha.”

Sasha’s lips pursed, and she reached out to cup Shea’s face.

“But won’t you regret it? Not knowing what would happen?”

Shea’s heart stuttered in her chest. Did Sasha know? Shea had barely discovered her feelings, so caught up in her supposed straightness that she didn’t consider Sasha more than just her platonic soulmate. Shea still wasn’t sure what she was, really, she just knew that she was in love with Sasha.

There was no way Sasha could know that, though. Their friendship worked so well because, for both of them, it was platonic. Shea with her endless string of unsatisfactory boyfriends, and Sasha with her beautiful queer lovers. Shea wasn’t anything like the people Sasha was attracted to. And Shea was supposed to be straight, so Sasha wasn’t anything like the douchebags Shea was attracted to.

But here she was, staring into Sasha’s eyes, and the weight of the truth hung silently and heavily in the air between them.

“How can I love you from thousands of miles away?” Shea whispered. As soon as the truth left her lips, it was like an invisible hand was squeezing her lungs, keeping her from breathing as she waited for a reaction. Sasha still met her gaze, unflinching.

“The same way you love me now,” Sasha assured. “The same way that I’ve loved you. Nothing has to change, Shea. We’ve always been so strong, and I know that a little distance won’t change that.”

And there it was. Of course Sasha loved her too, it should’ve been so obvious. If Shea had been in love all of this time, if that had always been the nature of their relationship, then it should’ve made sense that Sasha felt the same way. Their friendship had always bordered on something more. Now Shea knew what that more was. And Shea wanted to believe Sasha. She wanted to believe that this, them, could continue with an ocean between them. There was a fiery confidence in her eyes that warmed Shea’s heart.

Finally, Shea felt hope.

“I believe you,” Shea promised. Sasha smiled, and Shea’s stomach flipped. There was nothing heavy now, it felt like. Now they were among the stars.

Sasha shifted forward, and with her hand still cupping Shea’s cheek, their lips met. The simple act of kissing Sasha assured Shea that this was right, this was what she wanted. It still felt like a goodbye, but like a new beginning as well.

Sasha was wrong, things were going to be different. But that wasn’t a bad thing. Now, with their lips sliding softly together, things were starting to get better. As fingers slipped into Shea’s hair, she knew she had made the right choice.

She wasn’t losing Sasha. They were entering a new chapter.

“I hope it was clear that I love you too,” Sasha added, pulling back. Shea laughed and pressed their foreheads together.

“Yes, it was clear you dork,” she chuckled.

For the first time that entire trip, Shea felt like things were going to be alright.

[destiels-w]

Chapter Fourteen: Take Her Home.

Pairing: reader x bucky

Warnings: suicide attempt( kinda ) panic attacks.

Word count: 1.2 k

I’ve really wanted to start writing one shots I have so many ideas. Who would read them?? Shout out to @writemarvelousthings to helping me out with my writers block ❤❤ _______________________________

I don’t remember anything. I can’t remember any of these memories.

Bucky walked in. He looked down at the scrapbook, smirking. I think he was hoping I had remembered him. He leaned against the door frame.

“We were happy, weren’t we?”

He nodded.

“Are we together?”

He nodded.

“Do you love me..?”

He cracked a smile and nodded with his arms crossed.

“What happened?” I asked curiously. This was odd. For me to not understand something that should come so clearly. Something that should be flooding my heart with happiness and I was numb to anything and everything.

“You were taken,” as he took a step near me I clutched my blanket closer to me, I watched his face turn gentle and his hands raise to show peace, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I asked you to stay home and it’s my fault.”

“Y/N, that’s my name?” I questioned. I should know my own name. My temple begin thumping and my ears started ringing. I reached up to cover my ears in hopes to help but got nothing. Bucky rushed over to my side as I lay in a ball position.

A lamp flew across the room, along with the dresser drawers. A pained grunt left my lips, then Bucky started softly talking.

“Shh, hey. I’m here and it’s going to be okay. Listen to me, I’m right here.” He cooed.

I lay on his chest a little longer as I became tired with every panic attack I had. 20 minutes passed and he must’ve thought i was asleep.

“I love you, please come back to me.”

My heart broke a little, I wanted to help him feel better. I wanted him to get over this. I knew what I had to do and I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I can’t become dependent on a man I didn’t even know. How childish. I’m meant for chaos, not love.

I have to let him go, in case I never remember the man who could’ve been, the love of my life.

BUCKYS POV

It had been 2 weeks since we brought Y/N home and she’s barely said anything to me. I knock everyday to check.

Did I do something wrong? Am I not trying hard enough?

I knock on the door softly. With no return, as usual.

“Can we please talk?” I almost whispered. Not completely ready or wanting to have this conversation.

I waited 5 minutes before she opened the door.

“Can I come in?” With no verbal response, she left the door open and walked to a small pallet on the floor she had made with the blankets in her room. We weren’t allowed to take her home until she regained the memories of what she’s done. What happened and who she is. She’s a threat until so.

“Y/N, you haven’t left your room for more than 5 minutes to get food which you barely eat. And you haven’t said more than 15 words to me in the past 2 weeks. You’re sleeping on the floor, next to a bed. What’s going on? Why won’t you talk to anybody, or to me? You’re so distant and cold.”

“You’ve been a soldier, Buck. Wouldn’t you know? Why do I have to explain myself to you? I don’t even know you.” She spat.

“There are people that love you out there waiting to help you. You might not know me but I know you, I know everything about you, doll. The sooner you begin to trust me the sooner we can work on your memory.” I didn’t mean to come off so rash but it’s true.

“Maybe I don’t want it back. Have you thought of that? Maybe I’m not ready to remember. I’m terrified. I dont know any of you, and I’m stuck here with you all.” She barked. There was no point. I know her, and she’s suborn. There’s nothing I can say that will make her mind change.

“When you’re ready. I’ll be waiting” I calmly told her. Last thing I need is her going super soldier on me again. And with that I walked out. I heard a slam against the wall as I walked away. I was tempted to check on her but knowing her state I can’t smother her. Thunder and lightening could be heard in the background.

I walked into the kitchen where they were all standing with beers. I grabbed one and stood next to them. I chugged almost half until I realized they had all been looking at me.

“Well, how is she?” Tony asked in a matter of fact manner. He’s bitter and I know it.

“She wants to be alone right now” I replied.

Steve spoke up, “what’re you gonna do?”

“I’ll wait for her to remember me. I won’t give up on her.” I looked at my shoes as I swirled my beer.

“What if she never remembers?” Nat questioned.

“Don’t talk like that.” Steve interjected. Always had to be positive.

A shatter of lightening struck followed by a door. Steve’s wide eyes were enough of an indication. Almost on instinct, we thought the same.

“Y/N.” we said together.

Steve ran into the hallway, as I followed closely. We saw her, wide eyed with terror on her face. She ran down the hall and to the roof. I ran towards her, leaving Steve in the hall. When I reached the stairs she was almost at the roof. In her state I didn’t know what she was doing up there.

“Y/N!!” I hollered. The door shut behind her.

I raced myself up the the roof, hoping she had done nothing bad in the little one I wasn’t with her. I finally got to the roof, she was standing by the edge.

“Please don’t do it, please. Y/N just walk to me.”

“I remember, James. I remember everything. Everything I did. They made me use myself to kill people. I killed people! Innocent people! My head hurts so terribly.”

“Please just walk to me, we’ll go away. I promise.”

“I can’t look at you, my love. I won’t be able to do this if I do.” She said with a crack in her voice. I walked to her as I walked, hoping to over bare my footsteps.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Y/N. I want to see your face forever, laying next to me. Right where you belong. I want to start a forever with you. You can’t leave me here, what about Steve? Wanda? We need you. Here” I grabbed her hand gently. “Please.”

At this point rain and thunder were flaring throughout the sky. Which I know is the reason she snapped. She hates thunder. Even the super soldier hates thunder.

She turned around, her Y/E/C we’re usually bright. They were dark and bloodshot. She jumped into me, and planted a passionate kiss on me. She then pecked my face all over, grabbing both sides of my face.

“I love you, James. I missed you so.”

“I love you more, Y/N. You’re in my sight from now on. I’ll never leave you alone again.”

With that, we just embraced one another before she slowly fell asleep in my arms. I carried her downstairs, into the car. I texted Steve and told him everything. I was ready to take her home. And take care of her.