#i want to toss the artists what i can after enjoying their songs for spotify royalties ($0) for so long

[shadybug]

slowly trying to convert my spotify playlists into physical music on my computer. highly recommend, tracking down all these individual songs and where to buy/download them feels like a scavenger hunt

[warmaidensrevenge]

It's not a never.

Pairings: Eddie x best!friend fem plus size reader

A/N: Hey there. Sorry this upload was late. I had to work an unscheduled shift. But anyway, here it is. I hope you all enjoy this. Please feel free to share or comment. I'm always a sucker for comments. As always, thanks for reading. Kay love ya byyyeeee.

I do not give permission for my work to be posted anywhere else. Please respect all creators. All pictures and songs were from a Google search and found on Spotify. A credit to the original posters and artists.

Word count: 4,135

Warnings: 18+ No minors. Language, angst, slow burn, sexual situation and not proof read. All a

Part 3: Hope

Summary: Rejection, friendship, love and heart ache. What's next?

The next day Eddie was hoping to have that long conversation. But you were nowhere to be found. He waited in the quad in the usual spot in the morning. But you didn't show. He kept looking at the cafeteria door every time someone walked in during lunch, hoping you would come. Still nothing though.

The last chance he would see you was in Mrs O'Donnells class. He knew you had to work after school so he wouldn't be able to see you for the rest of the day. 

When he sat at his desk he noticed your backpack in the seat next to him. So you were there. You were just ignoring him.

The worst thing that could happen, did. He confessed how he felt and you were avoiding him. Now he wished he hadn't said anything.

The classroom door opened and you came in with some guy. You looked like you didn't sleep at all. You were pale and looked like you were gonna pass out. 

Did he do that to you? 

You then caught his eye and smiled a little. He lifted his hand to wave but you turned around to talk to Mrs O'Donnell.

“ Hey, teach. Umm this is Glenn. He's interested in taking over my column in the school paper. I already showed him around the workspace and how to lay out the stories.”

Mrs O'Donnell grinned. “ Perfect and did you teach him-”

“ Yes. He knows how to use the computer and how to search for information.”

As soon as the conversation was over, you went to sit down.

He leaned in. “ You feeling okay?”

You raised your hand and rocked it from side to side. 

Now he was worried. “ Want me to get you some medicine or something to drink?”

You shook your head. “ I'm okay.”

His brows pinched together. Even your voice sounded different. “ Are you-”

“ Mr Munson. Is there something you would like to share with the rest of us?”

He looked towards the front of the class at Mrs O'Donnell. “ Umm what?”

She looked over her glasses at him. “ Mr Munson, as happy as I am to see you finally graduate, there are still some students that are here to learn.”

He gave her a thin lip smile and looked back at you. “ Sorry Mrs O'Donnell.”

She started the class and you ripped out a page from your notebook and handed it to him.

“ I feel like death but I'll be okay. Can I come by after work? We can talk.”

He looked at you and nodded. He then folded the note and stuffed it into his pocket.

-

It was almost 8 pm. Eddie kept looking at his watch for the past hour. Preparing for the talk. 

But once his uncle left for work, he started getting ancy.

That's when he needed a smoke.

He went outside and sat on the steps. After the first cigarette was burned out, he lit another. Then headlights blinded him for a second. He quickly tossed the smoke after he heard you coughing.

You got out and made your way to him. Somehow you looked worse than before.

“ Hey dude. Sorry I'm late. I'm feeling like dog poop.”

He stood up. “ Anything I can do? I can make you some tea.”

You coughed again. “ Tea would be nice. But I don't want you to get sick. Besides, I can't stay too long. My parents want me home before 10.

He looked down at his watch and frowned. You guys only had 40 minutes. “ Well, do you want to come inside?”

You shook your head. “ No. That's okay. I would totally fall asleep in there. It's best if we stay out here. The fresh air will do me good.”

So far this conversation wasn't going well. Which started to make him feel insecure.

He then watched as you walked towards him and sat on the steps. Pulling him down to sit with you.

He swallowed thickly. Trying to figure out what to say. “ How did you get so sick so fast?”

You sniffled and shrugged. “ I guess my body isn't used to getting sneezed on the back of the neck in the subway.”

He chuckled lightly. “ Gross.”

“ Yeah. But it's just the flu I think, so I'm not dying.”

He grinned. “ Good.”

The tension started to build after that. The silence that ensued was almost unbearable.

“ So... why do you think you've fallen for me?” You asked all nonchalantly. 

He sucked in a sharp breath and rubbed his hands on his knees. “ Ermmm I- honestly I don't know why this happened. All I know it's that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about you.”

You sighed and nodded slightly. “ Since prom right?”

He licked his lips and leaned his elbows on his knees. “ Yup.”

You went quiet for a second. Then you coughed. He looked at you and offered up some water and a cough drop.

“ Eddie, I'm fine. Really…let's continue…So you find me attractive because of how I dressed at prom?”

He hung his head. “ It started that way.”

“ And now you don't?”

“ N-no. I do. It's just more. You know.”

You nodded. “ Why?”

He looked at you. “ What do you mean?”

You met his gaze. “ Why is it more now?”

He shrugged and looked away. “ I guess I just see that you're amazing.”

Your laugh was a little raspie. “ And I wasn't amazing before?”

His eyes found yours again and he smiled. “ Guess not.”

You shoulder bumped him. “ Shut up.”

You guys chuckled for a second before it got serious again.

“ What about you?” He asked. “ When did it happen for you?”

You leaned back a bit. Resting on your hands behind you. Looking up at the stars. “ I want to say it was after I got over the crush I had on Jason.”

His eyes went wide. “ That-that was 2 years ago.”

You turned your head towards him. “ Yeah…it was. I guess you can say my type changed.”

He leaned back too and mimicked your actions. “ Why didn't you say anything?”

You faced the sky again and closed your eyes. “ You were seeing Marci. Then after her, there was that girl from the bar.”

He watched you as you sat up straight and looked at the ground. 

“ I came to the conclusion that it was stupid to like, like one of your friends…then it got harder. Being who we were around each other. Close, comfortable. And I tried to not let it affect me…but then nana died.”

He sat up too and turned his body towards you. 

You sniffled again. “ It's not the fact that you were there for me. But how you were there for my mom. How you were there for my dad…I remember when you and my dad were playing pool in the garage. It was the first time I heard him laugh in weeks. And with my mom…that's when you started hitting on her, just to get her to smile. Well that and you knew it annoyed me…I fell in love with you then. But I also knew that I couldn't do anything about it because you were family. And I didn't want to lose you too.”

When you started to cry he put his arm around your waist and pulled you closer. 

You wiped your tears on your sleeve. “ You have been different since prom. And I thought it was because we're graduating soon. I thought it was because you were gonna miss me.”

“ I am gonna miss you.”

You turned to face him. He bore deep into your eyes. 

“ Not as much as I'm gonna miss you.”

His heart was racing. You were so close. Your lips were merely inches apart. 

“ I really want to kiss you.” He confessed in a soft tone.

You didn't look away or try to get out of his embrace. And he took that a go ahead. He closed his eyes and leaned in. 

He could feel your hot breath against his lips and it sent shivers down his spine. 

Just before your lips touched, he felt your hand on his chest. Then you moved your head down. Making him pull back slightly. 

“ Eddie.” You whispered. “ We can't.”

He held you a little tighter. “ If it's cuz you're sick, I don't care.”

The look you had in your eyes he knew that wasn't it. So he let you go and felt broken. This wasn't what he wanted.

“ Eddie, I'm sorry. As much as I wanted this I-” you cut off and stood up.

He couldn't look at you. If he did he would end up crying.

“ I get that you're hurting right now. And I'm sorry that I'm the reason for it… it's just…Eddie please look at me.”

He flexed his jaw and did his best to not break down. When he finally looked at you, all he saw was his very sad sick friend. He knew you didn't want or mean to hurt him. And he felt like he would have never seen you so upset if he just kept his mouth closed.

“ I need you to hear me okay? We graduated in less than 2 weeks. After that, everything changes. And it's gonna be harder than we think to say goodbye to each other…if we do this now, it's gonna be that and so much more.” You shook your head. “ And I can't do that. I can't just be all in with you, just to have to say goodbye in 2 weeks…all I want is for things to be normal. I want to hang out with you and the guys like always. I want us to watch movies and play video games. I want to spend as much time together as possible. Because in a few days you're not gonna be an 8 minute drive anymore. I won't be able to hug you or laugh with you. I won't be at your band practices or show up to gigs…I just want the little time we have to be friends….just friends. Cuz I don't think I can handle anything more than that.”

He sat there and understood everything you just said. And though you rejected him, you were right. 

He wanted you. All of you. But risking these last few days for something that was gonna end before it could even start. It wasn't ideal. Still, a few days with you would be better than not having you at all. Right?

He could argue and tell you that he would give anything to call you his. Even if it was just for a moment. But he wasn't going to. 

Instead he got up and wrapped his arms around you. “ You're right. You're always right kid…I'm just sorry that I was late to the party.”

You hugged him back and apologized too.

“ Let me take you home.”

You pulled away and shook your head. “ No. How will you get back?”

He gave you a little smile. “ I'll walk.”

You coughed then refused.

“ It's okay.” He assured you. “I need time to lick my wounds.”

Your eyebrows knitted together and you gave him another sad look.

He gave you a little smile. “ Really. This was actually the nicest rejection I've ever got. Now common. Before your mom calls the cops.”

-

He gave you one last hug before turning to leave you on your doorstep. 

“ Eddie.”

He looked over his shoulder. “ Yeah?” 

“ You know with us, it's not a never… it's more like not right now.”

He pressed his lips into a thin smile. “ Gareth was right.”

You raised a brow. Silently asking what?

He sighed and put his hands in his pockets. “ He said that talking to you about this might make me feel better. “

“ Did it?”

He grinned. “ Yeah.”

You waved him goodbye and went inside. He spent the next 30 minutes wishing things ended differently.

…

Graduation day

Everyone was so excited to finally receive their diplomas. Eddie kept his promises. He gave his classmates the bird and ran off the stage. 

He didn't go far though. He waited in the parking lot for everyone. Secretly, he wanted to run out before everyone so he could grab the graduation gift he got for you. 

There was a second there where he felt like maybe the bouquet for roses and balloons were too much, but he didn't care. 

And seeing your face light up when you saw them was everything. 

You gave him a big hug and thanked him. “ I still have to pick yours up.”

He still kept you within arms reach but took a half a step back. “ You didn't have to get me anything.”

You just smiled and turned to give everyone else a congratulatory hug. 

“ What the hell boy?!” Wayne said, hitting him upside the head.

“ Geez! I'm sorry man. I had too.” he said, rubbing the back of his head.

Wayne gave him a death stare but then smiled. “ Congratulations son.”

He grinned and gave him a hug. “ Thanks man.”

Soon after the pictures were taken, everyone got dinner together. 

The whole night Eddie watched you. He saw your smiles and heard your laughter. But in your eyes there was a hint of tears. 

He wished he could kiss that away. He wished he could hug that sadness out of existence. But he promised to just be your friend until you gave him the go ahead. 

Little did he know he would get his wish.

As the night went on, all of his friends ended up at Gareth's after the parents and parental figures went home. 

First was playing a few songs in the garage, while you sat listening. Then it was talking and playing video games. 

Sometime in the middle of it all, you disappeared. Which of course prompted Eddie to look for you. 

When he found you, you were outside on the porch swing.

“ Hey! Whatcha doing out here? It's almost our turn.” He said, taking a seat next to you.

You gave him a sweet little smile. “ Nothing much. Just going through the year book.”

You scooted closer to him and showed him the pictures of clubs and prom. 

“ Do you remember when I went through a phase where I thought records were the best way to listen to music?”

He nodded. “ Yeah and we stole a bunch of milk crates to store your giant collection.”

You let your head fall back. “ And none of them fit in the damn things.”

You both laughed at the funny memory. And once it died down he shook his head.

“ I cut my shin climbing that barbed fence….when you saw the blood you nearly passed out.”

You giggled. “ But I didn't. I patched you up and kissed your wound.”

He shoulder bumped you.“ Then you passed out.”

You both chucked. But soon after, it was quiet. He moved closer to you and put his arm on your shoulders. His thumb subconsciously caressed your arm.

“ Oh! Almost forgot.” You said leaning forward and pulling out a black leather box from your backpack. 

You handed it to him after.

He grinned and opened it up. There laid on a little silk pillow was a gold watch with leather bands.

“ Uhh wow! This…looks…expensive.”

“ It's from my parents and me…it's engraved on the back.”

He glanced at you before looking back at the Hublot. He slid it off the tiny pillow and turned it over. Silently reading the inscription.

‘ To E.M,

Follow your dreams.’

“ I love it.” he whispered. “ Help me put it on yeah?”

You turned slightly towards him and removed his old watch. Then replaced it with the gifted one. 

He stared at it for a second. Really appreciating the beauty of it. Then he noticed you still had your hand in his. When he looked at you, you were biting your lip and looking down.

You must have sensed him staring and you met his eyes. 

He swallowed out of nervousness, when he saw a glimmer of something in your eyes. 

“ Ummm…here. You can have this one.” He said turning towards you. He reached for your right hand and put on his old watch. “ Now you have something to remind you of me.”

He made eye contact again. This time though he swore he saw you gulp too.

“ Like I could ever forget you, Eddie.”

He smirked a little and kept staring deeply into your eyes. What were the chances that you might want to kiss him now? Should he try again?

“ Kiss me.”

His mouth parted a touch as he sucked in a breath. “ W-what?”

You leaned in a bit and whispered it again.

This was it. The moment he had been dreaming about since his feelings changed. 

He lifted his hand to cup your cheek. Gently dragging his thumb across your bottom lip. All the while moving closer.

His heart was racing and he held his breath. Your lips just barely grazed one another right before the front door opened. Causing you and him to pull away from each other.

Gareth came out. “ Guys! It's your turn. What are you doing?” 

Eddie looked the opposite way of you and cursed under his breath. Yet another moment gone.

“ Emm n-nothing. Just reliving some memories.” You answered.

Gareth looked at both of you with suspicion. “ Okayyy… So you guys coming or what?”

Eddie stood quiet. Trying to hold back his frustration.

“ Ummm actually… I think I want to sleep in my own bed tonight.” You said, making him look at you. “ Do you think you can give me a ride?” 

-

During the drive to your house you asked him to take you somewhere quiet. So Eddie drove out to a spot near skull rock. 

When he turned the van off you sat there fidgeting. 

“ So uhh why did you want to come here?” He asked.

He heard you sigh a little before watching you get up and climb to the back. He followed right after.

You guys sat across from each other. With the tension getting thicker by the second, you took off your shirt.

He sat there in utter amazement. Your chest was so full and looked so soft, his mouth nearly watered. 

“ Eddie?”

He looked up to find your very curious eyes on him. 

“ Are…are you sure?” He nervously asked. 

You smiled softly at him before unclasping your bra. 

He groaned lightly at seeing your buds harden as the air hit them. 

He watched as you took off your shoes and your bottoms. Until all that was left was your panties.

You looked back at him and cleared your throat. Breaking him from his trance.

He quickly took off everything but his boxers and pulled you to lay next to him. 

As you both stared deeply into each other's eyes, he caressed your arm. 

“ Can I kiss you now?”

You scoffed a small laugh and nodded.

He raised to lean on his elbow and cupped your face. This time, his thumb traced the apple of your cheek. 

It was a kiss that carried the weight of desire and love. All things unspoken and built up emotion was poured into that one perfect kiss. It was passionate and all consuming. But at the same time it was terrifying. 

You had awoken something in him with your lips. It was chaotic and peaceful.

It was magic.

That's all he could describe it as. 

The kissing could have gone like that all night and he wouldn't have cared. But as fingers traced the contours of one another's bodies, things became more intimate. 

The warm air of the van was charged with fevery intensity. With every kiss and touch being a silent invitation to explore more.

Heavy breaths and soft moans bounced off the walls. Creating a warm loving bubble of passion neither one of you wants to leave.

Eddie's lips travel down your neck and across your chest

Your raised skin gave him the indication that you liked what he was doing. He moved lower to kiss your plush belly.

Your hands get lost in his hair as he reaches for your underwear. 

He looks up at you, silently asking for permission.

You bite your lip and give him one small nod.

He peels them off slowly. Getting them past your bottom and over your knees. Finally down your calves and around your ankles. 

Next, his blue plaid boxers join your garment somewhere in the van.

Once protection is in place, he settles between your legs. Crashing his lips into yours in a wet needy kiss.

This wasn't just sex. Not just some hook up. This was you. This was love making.

His lips hovered over yours as you two became one. A hushed gasp left your lips as he pushed himself in. His mouth fell open and his eyes squeezed shut at the feeling of you hugging him ever so tight.

He went slow at first. Conquering your pulsating warmth inch by inch. Claiming it as his and only his. Because it was. At least for tonight.

Then when you got used to his length, he picked up his pace a bit. With your hips pushing against his to get him to go even deeper. 

He opened his eyes to see you had yours closed. With your mouth slightly agape and your brows furrowed. 

You were stunning. The sounds you were making and the face you made out of pleasure, made him want to record it and take a picture. Just so that he could have evidence of the best night of his life.

Moans and grunts grew louder the closer you both got to a release. And all he could think about was making sure you came first.

Then a few more delicious thrusts and he felt it. He felt your warm wet velvet walls flutter then began to tighten.

You were almost there.

That's when his hip thrusts became short. He hit a small spot deep within you. Causing you to mewl out his name. It was like ramming into a pillowy wall. Making him experience a different type of pleasure he's never had.

And just like that, his and yours orgasm took over your bodies. Making his toes curl.

His body jerked as yours trembled after the fact. 

And once he toppled off to the side he shook his head in disbelief. 

He laid there for a second, trying to catch his breath. Afterwards, he pulled you into his arms. 

He was exhausted. And from your slow and steady breaths, you were too.

“ How do I let you go to California after that?”

You snuggled up closer and rested a hand on his chest before answering in a sleepy voice. “ I guess... the same way I have to let you go to New York.”

His heart cried out in a shaky sigh as he felt the prickle of tears. 

You were right. It was going to be impossible to say goodbye tomorrow. 

Rather than letting the reality of the outside penetrate the small bubble of heaven you guys created. You held each other. 

Following heartfelt words and promises to keep in touch, he felt himself drifting to sleep. 

Then he felt you tracing something on his chest. He tried to focus on it before falling asleep. And when he figured it out, he smiled and kissed your forehead.“ I love you too.”

Wrapped up in the warmth of your love, you both fell into a peaceful slumber.

…

The morning came too fast for his liking. Though you both were happy, you both got dressed in silence. 

Even the drive to your house was quiet. When he pulled up in your driveway you sat for a while. Staring at your house. 

“ I had a really great time last night.”

You looked down and grinned. “ Me too.”

He reached for your hand and laced his fingers with yours. “ What happens now?”

You shrugged. “ I…I think we should leave things how they are. We had an amazing last night together. And I wouldn't change it for anything…But the truth is, it's better if we just take it for what it was. A really great goodbye.”

His heart sank but he had to agree. There was no way you guys could be together right now. Not with all the plans that were in place.

You gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before hopping out of the van. 

His heart felt like it was breaking seeing you walk up the driveway. But then you stopped and turned around. You gave him that sweet little smile he loved so much and came to the driver side window. 

“ Hey ummm mom promised to make pancakes today. If you want to join us.”

Then there was hope. Hope for something more. Hope that last night wasn't just a goodbye. But the start of something truly worthwhile.

He smirked. “Definitely. I love your mom's pancakes.”

…

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @ohmeg @eddiesguitarskills @trashywormeateroffics @crookedcrone

[tonoiho]

howdy heres a decent post about how to find new music to listen to, from an autistic person who literally needs music to function most times 💪

spotify based since that is what i use

first off, Discover Weekly (updates Mondays) and Release Radar (updates Fridays) are pretty good if you arent looking for music quickly. i prefer Discover Weekly bc it usually is from artists ive never listened to.

BUT if you are anything like me and kind of need music daily, and/or feel like everything is getting stale to listen to and just is not stimulating enough, theres quite a few things you can do (:

i primarily use Chosic, since it kinda has a bunch of different shit to use n look at

if it feels too overwhelming, what you can do is stick with "Music Genre Finder" and "Similar Songs Finder"

even though it might sometimes ask on some pages, you do NOT have to sign into Spotify for this site if you dont want to (:

using this banger as my control song

Music Genre Finder

figuring out what genres and sub-genres you listen to the most is about to become your best friend ok

pretty much just toss in a bunch of songs you enjoy and take note of the genres and sub-genres. i recommend making playlists of songs with similar or same genres (and also bc its fun)

this one is the most basic, but is a good starting point to help you go down your rabbit hole

Similar Songs Finder

same concept; throw in songs you want more of. i do one song at a time but you can do multiple

theres also this (v), so have fun with that B)

i recommend taking a look at the advanced settings, but for the sake of keeping this post as comprehensive as possible, im going to stick to the basics.

clicking generate will pull up a list of songs similar to your input, available as both Spotify and YouTube playlists to save if you so choose

to make this easier, you can also analyze the playlist songs directly from here; just middle click the buttons to open a new tab so you dont lose this page

Moving on from Chosic to other methods lol

PANTHER. Panther is sooo good imo

this one is artist-based, and sometimes the song previews it gives do not load, but you can simply look them up to listen for yourself in that case.

i will use I Met a Yeti as an example

very simple; i recommend going into this website with lowered volume because sometimes the audio is loud and crunchy; it will sound better on Spotify though

Create Similar Playlist

this is a feature that is already in Spotify, and it is again, very basic.

right clicking on a playlist ofc pulls up a neat lil menu

this one isnt that great, but it works better with the more songs you have on it from different artists.

often times it will add songs you already have saved, but otherwise its kinda okay

Enchance

again, a built-in Spotify feature, however this one might not be for everyone as i believe this is an experimental feature that not everybody has at the moment. still, if you do have it, i absolutely recommend it

basically what it does is add ~100 songs to your Liked Playlist, spaced out every two songs (they are not permanently saved if that annoys you; they go away after turning off this feature)

update 11/11/23

Enhance is out now i think? however it's only for created playlists and not your liked playlist. it still works the same but adds less music. more music gets suggested though when you save them

the Panther site had some issues loading for a while, but it's working again (it may have just been me. idk)

this is all i have for now lol. if you have any questions lemme know (:

hope this helps!

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

Fanfic EOY asks! 💕

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

15. something you learned this year

19. any new fics to start next year

OOh tyy Dujour! last two questions are under the readmore<3

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

I thought this would be really hard but the end of old habits die hard, hope for a better future dies faster. its also my fav fic, partly bc it has its own emotional arc in it and so works better stand alone than a lot of my other fics that are so focused on two ocs dynamic. I really need to write more like that for Muro & Conficcare, the deep care they have despite Conficcares their issues and how Conficcare still seeks comfort from Muro no matter whats happened even if he resents himself for it. Picking one line is hard bc its my favorite because of how the lines all build together. And also bc Conficcare is spiralling and Muro isnt the best with his words they dont sound great out of context. That aside, i think its this one:

Conficcare is smiling through his tears now, staring at his best friend as he looks the most like himself in years, passionate words spilling from his mouth and he decries the whole world for treating his family wrong.

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

My Utena amvs playlists on youtube or the just song equivalent on spotify! for the letter of the question, its a toss up between Bruce Springsteen who i listened to a lot while writing in the first half of the year and is tied for artist with most songs on the Celia/Elena playlist and Human Algebra, the album i named Muros stand after and one of the strongest musical inspirations

15. something you learned this year

How much fun writing a world you control! or more accurately: when you created all the characters you are using 😅 Anxiety over characterization is a bitch and having them be my creations really helped. more generally, i learned just how much i love writing because of getting to write exactly what i wanted and being really self indulgent without worrying about canon, and how my writing is good if i enjoy it, not when numbers go up

19. any new fics to start next year

Start [posting] Rage hopefully😂😭? Jokes aside i have the Conficcare Trauma FicTM next on my multichapter fic list, which should be shorter as its more of a 3+1 of the aftermath of some of Conficcares trauma as a pre/teen. Its gonna be heavy, though much more focused on the aftermaths. I've talked a lot about Celia & Conficcares bond and this covers the events that turn Celia from the kid who sits next to him and he helps, to this golden warm savior and safe space for him in his darkest hours, so hopefully i can write it well enough to justify that!

I also want to do some more domestic fics but those tend to be more spontaneous and i dont really plan them in advance.

[myemergence]

take me back to the start

Title: take me back to the start Author: @myemergence Rating: E (for one smut scene, later in the fic) Artist: @benjaminrussell Artwork: MAGAZINE COVER and MUSIC VIDEO Warnings/Triggers: mentions of alcoholism, mentions of OC character death, car accident Notes: Thanks to @marcia-elena for the beta on this. I so appreciate all the work you put in! Written for @buddiebigbang. And the artwork is amazing! I love them so much, Holly! Summary: Country music star, Eddie Diaz, is on a break before his US tour when he gets unexpected news: he has a son. He needs to come home to his hometown in West River, TX right away. He hasn’t set foot there since he left for Nashville nine years ago, leaving his old life behind. West River is the last place that Eddie wants to be—he needs to focus on his career, and his tour—not looking after a kid that he doesn’t even know yet.

Crossing paths with his high school sweetheart, Evan Buckley, who’s now a Deputy with the sheriff’s office just might change all of that, reminding Eddie of the person that he used to be… and the kind of person that he wants to be.

Read the whole thing here: AO3 LINK

*

The thing about being a musician and wrapping up a big tour is that it makes the time afterward to unwind and let loose even more rewarding. Taking the time to ground himself before hitting the road again has become essential for Eddie, an integral part of his process. 

This time, there’s no unwinding. As soon as the last concert in the tour ended, he boarded a red-eye flight from Los Angeles into Houston. And he’s tired, a feeling that’s not exactly foreign to him, but he feels weary down to his bones. He’s headed back to West River, Texas, about fifteen minutes outside of Austin, where he was born and raised.

A place he hasn’t as much as set foot in for nine years.

Eddie blinks blearily as he pulls his rental car up to the drive-through at Dunkin for a much needed coffee. He’s within an hour of West River, but he’s going to need something to power through the last hour of his drive as the sun is beginning to rise over the expanse of otherwise deserted small-town Texas that surrounds him.

It’s so quiet out here that it’s almost unnerving.

“Good morning, sir. That’ll be $3.27.” The dark-haired girl at the drive-through window can’t be more than eighteen. 

“Morning.” He holds out his phone so that she can scan his payment.

“Aren’t you…” She trails off slowly, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Eddie adjusts the trucker hat that he’s wearing, despite the fact that the sun hasn’t become a hindrance yet. He’d put the hat on before he pulled up to the drive-through only a couple of minutes ago. He knows that he’d be nowhere without the support of his fans, but he’s exhausted. He just wants to get to his abuela’s so that he can fall into bed. He’s tempted to drag a hand over his face and beg for his coffee.

“Eddie Diaz.” He introduces himself with a winning smile. He’ll try to find time to rest later. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Rosie. I-I can’t believe I’m preparing Eddie Diaz’s coffee. Nobody is going to believe me,” Rosie practically squeals, her face flushed as she fumbles with scanning his phone. “Here, um,” she steps away from the drive-through window momentarily and comes back with a pastry bag along with his coffee. Simple like always: black, with 2 sugars. “For the road. Gone Now really helped me through a hard time, when I lost my grandpa—and you wrote it about yours.”

Eddie’s smile becomes more genuine as he takes the coffee and muffin from the girl. He’s sure he looks like a mess, with blood-shot eyes and bags under his eyes. “I think most people have forgotten about that song. That was on my debut album.” He’d written that song what feels like a lifetime ago.

Like he was a different person back then than he is now. He supposes that in some ways, he was.

“I was only thirteen when it came out,” Rosie says. “I hope you make more songs like that. Your new stuff is great, but… that’s definitely my favorite. Anyhow, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I do,” Eddie confirms, reaching over into the top of his duffel bag that’s resting on the passenger seat. “It was really nice to meet you, Rosie.” He hands her one of the signed albums that he carries with him, a simple thank you that he likes to have for those truly special fans. “It’s not my debut album, but I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Eddie offers her a parting wave as he pulls away, and tosses the hat that was his poor attempt at disguise onto the passenger seat. He takes several sips from the steaming coffee, then sets it in the cupholder, wincing as the heat nips at his tongue, hoping that the caffeine will help keep him alert for the rest of the drive home.

Before he pulls onto the road, he scrolls through his phone, pulling up his debut album on Spotify and pressing play, a wistful smile crossing his face. He’s trying to put a little space between him and the reason that he’s coming home to West River; Rosie’s words remind him, at least for a moment, why he started making music in the first place. He hears the familiar opening chords and pulls out onto the quiet road.

There was a time when not a single day

Went by without us talking

And now I can barely remember your face

We’d spend hours weaving words

And guitar notes together

Just you and me in the music’s embrace

But you’re gone now, you’re gone

All those moments lie six-feet deep in the ground

You’re gone now, you’re gone

I keep missing you ‘cause you’re not around

He knows he can’t live in this world of make-believe for long. He can’t pretend that what matters is his connection to the music anymore—he stopped writing his own music long ago. But it’s nice to remember, even if those moments are fleeting.

*

Eddie pulls into the same gravel driveway that he used to skid his bike tires on as a kid. His abuela still lives in the same house she did back then, only a few doors down from his childhood home. His parents moved an hour north about five years ago. Eddie’s stomach flops a bit, and he tries not to dwell on how little he talks to them these days, or their lack of support over the years.

 He drags himself out of the rental car and grabs his bag out of the passenger side, leaving the rest of his luggage in the trunk. Before he can even make his way up the short drive, his abuela steps out onto the porch.

Eddie yawns into the crook of his elbow, then makes his way up to her. “Hey, Abuela,” he murmurs, pecking her on the cheek.

“Eddie,” Abuela says. She welcomes him with a crushing embrace, and he smiles as he hugs her back. She pulls back just enough that he can see a fire in her eyes; he already knows what that means, so he remains silent until she spits it out. “You were supposed to call me back so I knew you were doing alright.”

“I told you I have you listed as my emergency contact. If anything happens to me you’ll be the first one they call,” Eddie teases with a laugh.

“Edmundo,” she scolds, swatting his arm, and he watches as her jaw tenses under his name.

“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more cautious next time and call you. But Houston to West River isn’t a long drive.”

“Shannon—”

“Can we talk about this later?” Eddie asks. “I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I just need a couple of hours and then I promise we’ll talk, okay?”

“But, Eddie—” Despite the fact that he’ll probably be reamed for not turning his full attention to her, Eddie pushes the door open and steps inside. He stops in his tracks as his eyes catch sight of the figure who’s settled at the table, and his duffel bag drops to the floor. He feels abuela’s hand on his shoulder. “This is—”

The pretending is over.

“This is Christopher, your son.”

*

Eddie knew coming back home to West River wasn’t going to be a vacation in any sense of the word. He knew what would be waiting for him; baggage so heavy that it had the ability to destroy his entire career. The dream that he’d risked everything for, that he’d given up everything for.

This is Christopher, your son.

Abuela’s words echo in his ears.

Sure, there had been a few phone calls beforehand, warning Eddie of the kid’s existence after Shannon had shown up at Abuela’s with the boy. That hadn’t prepared him for this moment at all.

What the fuck is he going to do?

The temptation to drop by the hole-in-the-wall bar downtown to take the edge off is there. Instead, he tells Abuela he has to take care of some things and he disappears. He just needs to drive around for a little bit to clear his head. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do.

A kid will ruin everything.

How could Shannon keep this kid to herself for years, not mention a word of his existence, and then just drop him off and leave like he’s somehow now Eddie’s responsibility?

Eddie unrolls the window, letting the evening air hit his face as his foot presses down more firmly on the gas pedal.

Take care of it. You only have a few months until the tour.

Fuck all of this.

These backroads are so familiar, and there’s something comforting in driving down them late at night, when the rest of the town is quiet. It reminds him of those late nights when he and Buck would—

Eddie stops his thoughts short, the ache in his chest just as familiar as these roads. Buck.

What are the chances that in a town of a few thousand people he won’t run into Evan Buckley? That’s even if he still lives here. Eddie shakes the notion from his head, refusing to allow himself to get nostalgic about the past. A past that revolved around Buck.

Right now, he needs to focus on how he’s going to fix his life—before it becomes a public relations disaster.

Pressing down on the gas harder, Eddie gets lost in the feeling of the cool night air hitting his face, saving him from his downward spiral and memories of Buck.

Unfortunately, the moment is short lived. Red and blue lights flash in his rearview mirror amidst the otherwise stark darkness of the night. With a sigh, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road.

*

Buck climbs out of the cruiser and closes the door, walking up to the driver’s side of the out-of-state car. “Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” He quickly scans the inside of the vehicle, assessing if there are any passengers that he needs to be aware of before settling his sight on the driver.

Of all the people he could’ve had the unfortunate task of pulling over tonight, somehow it’s Eddie Diaz. He studies Eddie’s face, tipping his head to the side as his identity registers with Eddie. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Buck.”

It’s like he took the words right out of Buck’s mouth, because really, what are the fucking chances? After nine years Eddie somehow still has the ability to make Buck’s heart thunder in his chest merely by saying his name. His jaw tightens as he looks at the country music star in front of him.

“It’s Deputy Buckley,” Buck tells Eddie, his voice tight. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“This has to be an actual nightmare,” Eddie mutters, though Buck’s sure at this point that he’s talking to himself.

“License and registration.”

“Evan—”

“I said, license and registration. Don’t make me ask again. I’m going to suggest that you actually listen this time if you don’t want to end up in jail for the night.”

Eddie’s mouth snaps shut at Buck’s words. “I’m gonna grab the registration from the glove compartment.” He opens the glove box and hands over the paperwork, along with his license.

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d want that news story,” Buck mutters as he takes the documents and inspects them. He obviously knows that it’s Eddie, and he already ran the plates and knows that it belongs to a rental in Houston. He hands the paperwork back to Eddie. “Watch your speed, because next time I’m not going to be this nice,” Buck warns.

“This is nice?” Eddie actually has the audacity to laugh at him. “Seems more like you’re Deputy Dick to me.”

Buck’s lips press together into a tight line. He’s used to not being well liked while on the job—but it feels harsher coming from Eddie. “You know, I could still take you in tonight, if that’s what you want.”

Eddie shrinks under the words, and what he says next sounds sincere. “You know that’s not what I want.”

The same words that Eddie had said to him all those years ago, at the end. Buck feels his chest fracture down the middle, a reprise of the heartbreak that Eddie left in his wake.

He forces himself to school his expression despite the way he’s feeling. “Have a good night, Eddie.”

He doesn’t wait for Eddie to respond, turning sharply on his heels and walking away from the man that’s had his heart all along.

*

“You know, I don’t really think that this qualifies as guys’ night,” Buck says as he looks across the card table at Chimney, taking a sip of the lemonade in front of him. 

 Chim raises his brow a little, glancing in the direction of the living room. “You’re my brother-in-law,” Chim says, “and I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’m just gonna say it. If there’s one Buckley I’m trying to make happy right now, it’s not you, Buck. I’m trying to get in her good graces after the bottle rocket incident.”

Josh snorts from where he’s sitting, bringing the beer up to his lips.

“I’m not going to be the one to tell my wife that she needs to leave so we can have a proper guys’ night,” Chim adds.

“You would never say something to Maddie, and not just about guys’ night,” Josh challenges, his brows shooting up.

“I’m sorry, was that a complaint I just heard? Because I’m pretty sure that the last time you hosted a card night your mom showed up,” Chim points out.

“And Buck’s place—”

“Has constant interruption. I know, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Are you gonna deal us in, or what?”

“Mads, were you gonna join us?” Chim calls helpfully into the other room, and Buck glares at him.

Maddie lifts herself off of the couch and walks out to the dining room table where they’re all situated, grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter and pulling up an empty seat. “I don’t want to play, but I’d love to talk to you guys.”

They really need to start finding different circles of friends, at least for nights like tonight. It’s not as if Buck’s going to tell his pregnant sister to go away, so instead he smiles. “We’d love it if you talked to us, Mads.”

“Really?” She grins, and Chim looks at Buck gratefully. “So, I heard a rumor that Eddie’s back in town.”

“Pick a different subject.”

“He’s back in town and got pulled over by West River’s youngest and brightest the other night,�� Chim says.

Just the mention of Eddie’s name is an unwanted reminder that he’s back in town, at least temporarily. The fact that this wasn’t a figment of Buck’s imagination sends his brain into overdrive. There’s been some speculation over the reason for his return, and Buck has done everything in his power to stay squarely on the outside of those conversations.

He’s made it clear to his family and friends since Eddie left town that there is one topic that he refuses to discuss: Eddie Diaz. A lot of the locals were around Eddie growing up, and having someone that’s famous from their small hometown is something to talk about—especially when there’s a new tour that’s announced, or when Eddie is working on a new album.

But his friends? They know that it’s a hard and fast rule, and bringing it up on guys’ night is a definite foul. 

“Guys,” Buck manages as evenly as he can muster. “Talk about something else.”

A tense silence falls over the room, and for a minute Buck refuses to look up, knowing the pity that crosses their faces any time that someone brings up Eddie. He’s tried to hide his heartbreak behind indifference, but he’s not naive enough to believe that any of them buy it. Most of them had front-row seats as they watched Buck’s hopes and dreams shatter to the ground around him, leaving a hollow shell behind.

Finally he looks up.

“Can we make an exception this one time, Ev?”

“Maddie. I don’t talk about— about this, and you know that.”

Maddie’s hand covers his, her touch light, her tone equally calm and even. “You know, this has a name.”

“Why are you bringing him up now? You know I moved on from him a long time ago.”

It’s as if Chim and Josh aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table, trying to avoid the line of fire. Even if Maddie is officially a Han now, nobody wants to get obliterated during a battle of the wills between the siblings.

“This is guys’ night,” Buck reminds her. “The one night of the week that I can unwind and relax. Instead you’re here and dredging up a past that died years ago.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was a kid. Just a stupid kid. There’s nothing else to say. We were together and then we weren’t. He has his life now, and I have mine.”

“Maybe that’s true, but you never did move on, not really. He’s in town for who knows how long, so maybe it’d be a good chance for the two of you to talk?”

“No, it wouldn’t. And, uh, thanks for ruining tonight,” Buck mutters as he stands up from the table. This is the kind of interference he’d expect from their out-of-town parents, always assuming they know what’s best, but not from Maddie.

“Buck,” Chim warns, and Buck sighs again, shaking his head in frustration. Chim’s always been protective of Maddie, something that Buck’s always appreciated, especially after all that she endured with Doug, but tonight feels like the exception.

“I’m gonna head home.”

“Buck, you really don’t have to go,” Josh says helplessly.

He attempts a smile for what Josh is trying to do—slapping a bandage on the evening, trying to piece everything back together. Buck shakes his head. “I think it’s for the best if I go.”

Buck says his goodbyes and hops into his Jeep, driving home. He knows that Maddie has the best of intentions, and that she cares about him with her whole heart, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

When he arrives home he notices there are only a few lights left on in the house, and that the porch light is on for him. 

“You’re home awful early,” Carla says as soon as he makes his way inside, barely looking up from the little girl that’s propped against her side.

He shrugs a little, not wanting to get into all of the details of how the night quickly spiraled out of control in a way that was just too much for him to handle. “I couldn’t stand the time away from her.”

“Mhm,” Carla says in her knowing way, and Buck’s thankful that she doesn’t say more than that. She knows enough about his past with Eddie, but she’s always stayed out of that part of his life.

Buck toes off his shoes, crossing the room then and scooping Lucy up in his arms. “Hey baby,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“She insisted I read her three stories out here and not in her bed because she was ‘not tired yet, Carla’.”

Buck chuckles at her words, feeling Lucy squirm in his arms before she settles again. She rests her head against his shoulder and he hoists her up higher so that she can curl into him. In a world where everything else is imperfect he’s able to come home and hold a little piece of perfection in his arms. Their lives have been far from easy, and there isn’t a day that Buck doesn’t wish he could be more for her.

He’s doing his best to make up for the huge piece missing from her life—the absence of her mother. Every day she helps him remember that there is more than heartbreak and loss, that sometimes there’s hope, too. He has to hold on to that.

“I’m gonna head out,” Carla says, kissing the back of Lucy’s head and giving Buck a sideways hug before leaving.

Buck walks down the hallway, glancing at Lucy’s bedroom door and then pivoting, walking across the hall to his own room and laying the sleeping girl down on the pillows, covering her with the sheet and comforter. He gets ready for bed and lies on top of the covers beside her. He knows he shouldn’t make a habit out of this and he won’t, but tonight he needs the physical proof.

He hasn’t lost everything, because he still has Lucy.

[talkfastromance4]

The Click-- Calum Hood (soulmate!au)

It’s here! I’ve never written soulmate stuff before so this is probably really different from what you’ve normally read, and it’s different from what I normally write but this really has a part of my heart in it.  Inspired by Lang Leav’s wonderful works (the poems up above) and some weird instances I’ve been having.

Word count: 5.6k

Warnings: none, no smut whatsoever (I know who am I?)

Son inspiration: Then I saw You by Tatiana Manois and Surrender by Natalie Taylor

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. *copyright is listed at bottom*

• • • •

Two strangers both alike in mind have a book propped open with words inked in of love and heartbreak and other musings. They are alike because they mark their favorite poems by dog ears and highlights with little scrawls of their own thoughts scratched into the margins.

Late night for her, early morning for him as they’re on two different sides of the country, it’s not just miles that separate them, but the day and night. The moon comforts her and is her light as she reads of a love shared between two poets. The sun is his friend and a warm embrace as he delves deeper and deeper into the pages of the same love but tinged with an air of sophisticated provocativeness.

While on their Spotify playlists, the same artists and songs are shared between the two. Music and lyrics, words, and prose, two hearts longing for the same thing. 

A love to be written about, a love to be shared, an adventurous love that is unique because it is their own. In both their minds, that kind of love doesn’t seem tangible. To be added to their likeness, they’re both the only single ones amongst their friends and have been for a while. 

Calum showered his friends in love, giving his friends small gifts and helping in any way that he could. He was always down for a good time, sharing laughs and making memories. Rose was the same, she enjoyed being with her friends and family. 

In the daylight they appeared fine and well put together but going home to an empty house in a lonely bed is where they felt the weight of their ache. Sometimes it kept them both up, reading their poetry books or writing their own. His were songs while hers were just words but the premise was the same, dreaming of love. 

She received an opportunity of a lifetime to go to school for her writing. A quiet dream she’d held safe in the privacy of her own mind. It was thrilling yet terrifying moving to a whole new city, the city of angels. Her best friend stayed with her for a week helping her adjust in her new albeit small studio apartment.

It was a steal that was right above a coffee bookshop, a place where she’d also received a job. When she wouldn’t be in school, she’d be working to help pay for rent. While she unpacked and decorated her place, she kept pinching herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. 

When her classes started, she was up by 4 a.m. because of her nerves and her excitement, it bundled up inside her. She ran through her schedule three times, checked her bag that she had the right textbooks and her small laptop.

She read her favorite poems until it was time for her first class. The owner of the shop already had her coffee made to her liking with a cranberry orange muffin already in a bag. 

“Thanks Teresa,” she smiles, taking the goodies.

“Have a great first day! Do you want a picture with your bag?” Teresa is a kind, thirty-something year old woman. She’s living her dream owning a coffee bookshop and has the kindest smile. 

“I’m okay, don’t need a reminder I’m starting with kids fresh outta high school.”

“You’re not that much older, twenty-five is still young, Rose,” Teresa smiles. “Enjoy it.”

“Thank you,” she smiles then waves with her pinky. 

Her first day of classes is just how she thought they’d be, the awkward introductions that she rehearsed in her head before speaking, going through the itinerary for the semester and then reading a few chapters and taking some notes. Rose loved every minute of it. 

During lunch and her breaks, she reread through each itinerary again and bookmarks the pages in her textbook she’ll be needing. In between that, she reads her poetry book and jots down a few of her own thoughts. 

Then, the day is done and she starts her four hour shift at the bookshop that would last until closing time at 9:30. Rose quickly discovered that this would be a very easy job because it didn’t get a rush of people for dinner. 

Some other students she passed on campus would stop in with a friend and share a cup of coffee or tea. By 7:30 there were only a couple of people scattered about the shop, books, or tablets in front of them as the soft indie music played throughout. 

Rose gathers her books into her bag behind the counter before she moves to the bookshelf wall to restock the books left on the small wooden tables. She finds herself humming along to a song she knows when there’s a commotion outside.

The other guests inside turn to look as well through the windows framed in the purple and blue twilight shade to see a couple. They’re the source of the noise as both their voices rise over the other and when he throws his arms in the air that’s when Rose turns back to her task.

Clearly whatever was happening outside was a private moment and Rose couldn’t help but smile at the irony of the saying ‘outside looking in’ while she’s inside but was just looking into their outside debacle. Her mind always thinks of outlandish things like that, she calls it her circle thinking because she can run with the same thought over and over. 

It doesn’t make sense to others, but it does to her.

After a few moments, she glanced outside, and the couple was gone. The streetlights had flickered on and she could see stars poking through the darkened sky. She hopes she’ll see the moon upstairs. 

After the last guest leaves, she locks the door and sweeps up the shop, wipes down tables and locks the cash drawer in the small vault in the back. She checks that the back door is locked after tossing the garbage out quickly and runs upstairs to her studio apartment. She makes a cup of hot cocoa before bed and reads and writes into her favorite poetry book, her journal next to her. 

The hot cocoa made her sleepy and she fell fast asleep with her book atop her chest. She dreamed of someone that held a powerful connection with her, he understood her and made her smile. By morning, the dream slipped away with the stars and she started her new routine over again. 

***

Calum’s fingers tap impatiently on the laminate surface of the table as he sat through this meeting. It was mundane but necessary that he be here because the band had decided to take a year off. The world is still in recovery from the pandemic and they agreed collectively to hold off on anything until there was some decent footing again. 

He’s been in a bit of a mood since he and Zoe fought a few weeks ago after having dinner. They weren’t exclusive, only seeing each other on occasion and that night she brought up soulmates. She was almost nagging at him that he wasn’t hers and that they were wasting their time when he reminded her, she was the one to call him. 

He hasn’t heard from her since. 

His mind wandered throughout, thinking of ways he can occupy the next 365 days when he wasn’t writing music. Music is his life; it’s always been a constant and has pulled him through some tough situations and has uplifted him in joyous ones. On the TV stuck to the wall there was a news report scanning at the bottom that the university not too far from his home has the highest enrollment rate.

That piques his interest. He reads the closed caption below the broadcaster as it says open enrollment has become the new norm, welcoming students from all ages to attend. This information strikes a chord within Calum and he’s found what he wants to do with his year off. 

When the meeting had finally finished, Calum decided to head over to the university and see if he could still enroll. The semester started only a few weeks ago but with this new window of free time, he’s sure he could catch up. 

Enrolling turned out to be easy. He had a meeting with a counselor to discuss what his intentions were and if there was any specific study he wanted to get into. He selected creative writing and psychology, bought his books, got his schedule and he was officially a college student. 

The night before his first class, Calum is restless. He tosses. He turns. He stares out the window of his room, the moon winking at him through the small opening of the curtain. Duke is snoring softly to his left and Calum’s mind is racing. 

Thoughts tumble over one another, scenarios flash across his mind and then he hears a random melody in his head that sounds too familiar and it helps him drift off to sleep. 

***

Calum is racing to get to his first class, he didn’t wake up to his alarm until thirty minutes after the intended time and he blamed it all on a dream. A dream that felt so real he thought the woman in his subconscious was still speaking to him in his ear. 

He threw on the first article of clothing his fingers touched, gargled with mouthwash, and shoved a beanie on his head. Regrettably, he didn’t have time to stop for coffee and he hoped there would be some sold on campus somewhere. 

Calum just got settled into his seat at the back of the lecture when the Professor stood at the front and began to speak. Thankfully, Calum retrieved notes from the three weeks he missed and read them all weekend, so he picked up easily with what the Professor is talking about. 

He smiles to himself, maybe he is cut out for school. 

Calum is surprised how drained he feels after his first day. His head is swimming with new knowledge and he’s anxious to get home and get to work. On his walk back to the parking structure where his car is parked, he sees the coffee bookshop he and Zoe fought in front of almost a month ago. 

The sign above the bay window reads ‘CBS’ and in smaller print below that it reads ‘coffee bookshop’ and he smiles at the simple cleverness. He remembers Ashton has gone in there a few times and said the coffee is great. Calum makes a promise to himself that he’ll stop there tomorrow morning before class to grab a cup.

His night is spent reading over the homework and answering a few of the discussion questions while Duke sat in his lap. Calum tried writing down the lyrics of the song he heard this morning, but he couldn’t distinguish what they were. To wind down, he had his favorite Michael Faudet book propped on his stomach as he read through each page.

He reads through his own writing; his words transport him to that point in time when the words flowed out of him effortlessly. One poem resonates in his mind as he reads about love being compared to that of a rose and the lilting melody from this morning trickled into his ears again and he instantly relaxed. His mind quieted and his eyelids felt heavy as he replayed the same simple notes over and over. 

A beautiful melody without any words.

The loud vibration of his phone woke him up before the actual song did, but he leapt out of bed immediately. The promise of a hot cup of coffee egged him on to take a shower and dress in something nicer than a wrinkled band shirt he had on yesterday. 

Traffic wasn’t that bad, and he parked his car on the first level of the structure and he still had forty-five minutes until his first class. Today is shaping up to be the start of a good one and just as he locks his phone so he can open the door of the CBS, he collides with a body. 

Books go flying. His phone clutters to the ground and he panics at the fatality that could be evident in the million cracks of his screen. Rushed ‘sorry’s’ are exchanged between him and the stranger as they scramble to gather their things. Their bodies twist away from each other as he shoves his books and pens back into his bag. 

When he stands to apologize again, she’s already bustling away, her red scarf blowing behind her in the morning breeze. He sighs then heads inside to examine his phone, but he looks back again to try and get a glimpse of her face. She’s already gone. While they were scrambling to get their belongings, he noted how the smell of coconuts, vanilla, and something else he couldn’t put his finger on, invaded his nostrils. It made him think of the ocean.

He examines his phone to find there isn’t a scratch on it and when he unlocks it there’s a picture of the poem he read last night. Roses. The girl he bumped into smelled of roses. 

***

Rose is having an off day. Her alarm didn’t even go off and she put in a generous amount of dry shampoo in her hair but resulted in putting on a hat. She didn’t even have time to get her coffee and muffin from Teresa for she rushed out the front door and collided with some guy. 

Without her coffee it was hard for her to focus and when she got called on in class, she had to ask the professor to repeat the question because she didn’t hear it. Then her laptop crashed, and she couldn’t work on an assignment that’s due by Friday. 

By the time she made it to CBS, she didn’t want to work her shift. Customers were being needy and rude and all she wanted to do was take a hot shower and read. After eating a quick microwave dinner, Rose took a hot shower then turned on her favorite playlist titled ‘Blue’ for moments like this. 

She opens her bag to grab her poetry book, ‘The Universe of Us’ but finds its exact counterpart of Lang Leav; Michael Faudet’s book ‘Cult of Two’ lays on her table. 

Did she put that in her bag by mistake? 

It was a rough morning so it is possible, but she could have sworn she grabbed the book from her bedside table. Sighing, Rose takes the book to place it back on her shelf then becomes more confused when she sees the same book in her hands, perched snugly on the shelf with her other poetry books. 

Rose knows she only has one copy, so where did this one come from and where is her book? She tosses the white paperback onto her bed and empties her whole bag, checking each book twice. How could she have lost it? It’s always buried safely in the bottom of her bag and she didn’t take it out all day except--

Rose gasps. This morning when she was leaving the shop she bumped into a guy and all their belongings went flying. She must have grabbed his book by mistake, and he grabbed hers. Panic sets in, she’s written down some of her innermost thoughts in that book, personal things.

Now this random stranger has her soul in his hands, and she might never see him again. With angry tears in her eyes she crawls into bed while Lewis Capaldi’s voice thrums around her walls. Needing comfort, she opens the strangers’ book then snaps it shut just as fast because there’s handwriting on the pages. 

Just like hers.

***

Calum is reading about the red string of fate. After that run in with the girl outside CBS a month ago, he read through her book and became transfixed with those words she wrote down. He knows he shouldn’t have read her thoughts, but once he started, he couldn’t stop. Clearly the poetry captivated her, but her words captivated him.

The red string of fate is a Japanese legend meant to tie soulmates together by their pinkies. No matter the circumstance, the time or place, the two will always find each other. It may stretch and it may tangle but it will never break. He’s never heard of it before now, but he’s become obsessed with the idea of it. 

Every morning he’s stopped by CBS to see if he’ll run into her again so he can return her book, but he’s never seen her. His classes are going well and he’s learning so much, his creativity is overflowing. Much of that is because of this girl’s book. 

Its spine is overly creased from endless love of reading, some words are highlighted and circled. Pages are dog eared on what he assumes are her favorite poems. Calum smiled the first time he paged through it all because he’s written in his book as well. He wonders if she’s read any of his musings yet. 

“Bro, I haven’t seen you without that book. Where’s yours?” Ashton asks while they’re out for lunch. 

“Um, I lost it actually. I bumped into this girl outside the CBS and our things scattered everywhere. We switched books,” Calum explains flipping the pages. “She writes it in like I do.”

“You read it? Mate,” Ashton sighs exasperatedly, “that’s an invasion of privacy.”

“I know, I know! But I can’t get enough of it. She’s smart and passionate in what she writes. I wish I got a better look at her when I bumped into her so I could return it.”

“There’s no name inside?”

“Nope. She could be in one of my classes for all I know,” Calum sighs then picks away at the corner of the cover. “What was it like when you and Ruby found each other?”

Ruby is Ashton’s soulmate and they’ve been together for almost two years now. Calum remembers the change in Ashton when she came into his life, he was lighter. 

“I heard her voice in my head.”

“What did she say?”

Ashton smiles, “My name.”

“Then how did you find her?”

“I don’t know, it’s hard to explain,” Ashton’s brows crease. “It was only a few days after I heard her voice that I knew her name. It came to me out of the blue. Do you remember anything about her?”

“She had on this red scarf and smelled like a rose.” Calum suddenly felt a wave of dizziness swim in his head and he held onto his temples.

“You okay?” Ashton reaches over as if to help but he’s not sure what’s happening to his friend. 

“Woah, that was weird, I got super dizzy,” Calum says blinking a few times until he can see straight again. He removes his fingers from his temples and Ashton is giving him a funny look. “What?”

“What did she smell like again?” he leans forward.

“A rose, why--fuck!” the wave of dizziness crashes into him again and it’s like his brain is spinning in his head. When his vision returns Ashton is smiling gleefully. “Glad to see you enjoy my pain.”

“Don’t you see?! You got vertigo as soon as you said rose. That must be her name.”

“Really? Is that what happened when you said Ruby’s name?”

“Yeah basically, but it wasn’t this strong. She must be close,” Ashton looks around him as if she’ll appear out of thin air. “I suggest going to CBS morning and night, she’s gotta be there at some point.”

***

Rose is flicking through the pages of the new poetry book she acquired. Curiosity killed the cat and she just had to dig her claws between the pages because she’s sure he’s already done the same or will soon enough. 

Some of his thoughts left her breathless and with an odd familiar feeling at the way it’s structured. Some of his sentences seem more like lyrics that she’s heard before but can never find the tune that goes with it.

She hadn’t been feeling well this morning, nausea and dizziness made her skip her classes and she laid in bed all day. It would come and go throughout the day and right before bed she drew herself a bubble bath with some candles. The flickering light created the perfect ambience while she read Faudet’s words and the mysterious stranger. 

Where her notes are written in paragraphs or stanzas, his are scattered about the page. Sometimes she has to turn the book to read it upside down. The curse words make her laugh and sometimes there’s a fun little drawing. 

It isn’t until she reaches the last few pages and she’s reading about a blue angel and knocking back a shot when she stumbles on a name that is not the author. It’s a name she’s heard before, a name she’s known of and has seen floating around her social media.

“Calum Hood,” she mumbles, and she instantly becomes dizzy again. It happens so fast it startles her, and she nearly drops the book into the bubbles. Somehow in her bewilderment she managed to let it flop onto the bathroom floor. 

The bathwater and bubbles slosh over the sides as she reaches for the book again. Did she read that right? Her fingers leave dark, pudgy circles on the pages as she goes to that page again. 

“Calum,” she breathes, and the room spins again causing her to drop the book once more. “Okay, okay, okay, okay. . .”

Rose gets out of the bath quickly, letting the water drain noisily as she dries off and puts on her pajamas. The spinning has stopped, and she sits cross legged in the middle of her bed, the poetry book open to the poem and her phone opened to Instagram and Twitter.

She’s been an avid fan for quite a few years now and to think if he was the one, she bumped into? With her thumbs hovering over the keyboard she closes her eyes trying to remember anything about him from that morning. 

All she can remember is the rush to gather her things and his soft husky voice as he said sorry. She didn’t look at him once and it’s very possible she bumped into Calum Hood. Her mind racing, she texts every one of her friends that have already found their soulmates asking what and how it happened. 

She needs answers because how odd is it that she’s felt dizzy and nauseous all day then sees his name, says it, and gets dizzy all over again? Is that what’s supposed to happen? Does this mean he’s been saying her name all this time as well? 

Her friends' responses were pretty much the same. In each instance they heard his or her voice in their head say their name. Why hadn’t she heard his voice? Could he hear hers? Rose unlocks her phone and searches his name, turns out he’s gone back to school. The same school she’s attending but it doesn’t say what he’s studying, which is good because it must be annoying having everyone know what’s going on in your life. 

Rose falls back onto her pillows burrowing under the covers and shuts off the light. 

“Please let me go to school tomorrow, Calum,” she huffs then turns over to hug her pillow. 

She swears she hears a ghostly laugh in her ear before sleep consumes her. 

***

“I bite back.”

Calum still hears the soft voice from his dream, he can still feel the soft brush of her lips against his ear as she said those words. He’s staring up at the ceiling replaying the dream of sitting next to a girl. In his subconscious it felt like he already knew her, and they carried a conversation well. He doesn’t remember exactly what he was saying but he can hear those three words as if she were laying right next to him. 

He greets Duke with quick kisses before letting him outside and Calum washes his face, brushes his teeth, and gets dressed. After he brings Duke in, Calum gathers his bags making sure The Universe of Us is right at the top. 

He’s been going to CBS early each morning so he can sit and try to watch for the girl he bumped into. He has one cup of coffee and reads through her pages until it’s time to go for class. A few times he thought he recognized her, but the girl in question always turned out to be just a fan and wanted a quick chat and photo. 

They never smelled like roses, so he knew it wasn’t her.

After his final sip of coffee, he flips to a page with the title ‘The One’ and he immediately goes to the girl’s handwritten words. 

‘And I want you to be the one for me. The one who brings out my storm but also calms the waves. I want you to be my perfect counterpart. Is my red string frayed?’

Calum smiles at the last sentence. He wishes he could tell her that no, it isn’t frayed and he’s trying his damndest to find her. He gathers his things and heads out the door because his first class is starting in fifteen minutes.

Just as he walked out the door, if he would have waited one more minute, Rose came by his table and cleaned up his dishes to help Teresa out before she went on her way to class. 

“How are you feeling today Rose?” Teresa asks, taking the dirty dishes from her. 

“A little better,” Rose shrugs, “I can’t miss two days. Are you sure it’s alright I can switch my shift from tonight to tomorrow?”

“Of course. You need to catch up on what you missed, Colbie will cover for you. Take it easy, you still look a little pale,” Teresa frowns. 

“I’ll be fine, but thank you,” Rose smiles then waves. “I’ll see you later.”

***

The day runs as normal for them both. Calum has felt this growing energy within him as if something is about to happen, but he can’t quite put his finger on it. He’s been looking at every woman he passes waiting to see if there’s a connection or a siren that will go off as if to say “that’s her! That’s her!” but he comes up short. 

Rose still feels a little queasy throughout the day and she’s distracted because all she wants to do is read Calum’s poetry book to try and find another connection. 

When the school day is over, she sets up her workspace at her favorite table by the bookshelf in a large, plush chair. Her own latte sits next to her while she quickly does her homework and opens the book. From the corner of her eye a tall figure sits in the chair on the other side of the table. She pays it no mind until there’s a loud crash.

The stranger knocked her cup to the floor, and it shattered, white foam and coffee filling up the grooves in the tile. 

“Shit, I’m sorry--”

“It’s okay,” she says automatically. 

They both reach for the largest fragment of broken cup; their pinkies touch and Rose feels something click inside her. Her skin is hot where he touches her, and with her heart pounding like a thousand horses running, she looks up. 

He knew who she was before he looked into her eyes, when they came in such proximity, he smelled the roses and the coconut and the vanilla. When their pinkies touched, he felt a spark shoot up his veins, that’s the siren he’s been waiting for and when he looked into her eyes? Everything clicked into place.

“Rose?”

“Calum?”

They both laugh nervously, their pinkies still touching. Rose feels her cheeks warm and Calum can’t stop smiling at her. After their small moment, they clean up the mess of the broken cup and sit back in their respective chairs. 

“I think this is yours,” she holds out his book that she was currently reading. 

“And I believe--” he pulls out her book from his bag holding it up ���--this is yours.”

Having it in her possession again makes it feel like a lost limb has been returned home. Calum flips through his own book noticing the wrinkled pages. He knows she read it and he’s so glad she’s the one who did. He watches her rifle through the pages, soft fingers tracing over words that have been printed and words she’s inked in herself. 

“You’re a wonderful writer,” he comments, and her eyes flash up to him.

“You are too, but you’re a musician so that’s no surprise,” she giggles, and Calum loves the sound. 

Talking comes easily between Calum and Rose, but how could it not when they’re soulmates? As the night gets longer and the shop is about to close, Rose invites him up for some tea and he gladly accepts. 

While she’s setting up the kettle, he examines her bookshelf, some books he’s read, and others grab his attention that he wants to ask her about. Soft music fills the room and he smiles because this is on one of his playlists as well.

“How do you like your tea?” she asks, and Calum moves back to the kitchen area. 

“Little bit of milk and honey and some sugar,” he smiles, watching her add the ingredients.

Their fingers brush again when he accepts the cup from her, another spark ignites but it starts a different type of warmth. Calum becomes very aware of both their actions. He’s aware of how close she sits next to him on the couch, he’s aware of the way she licks her lips and how badly he wants to kiss them. 

“So, this is . . . a little crazy, right?” she laughs awkwardly, her finger circling the rim of the mug. “How did you find me? Did you hear my voice? Because I didn’t hear yours.”

“What did you experience then?” he asks, setting his mug on the small table in front of them. 

“I was home for a whole day because I just felt really dizzy and nauseous, then when I was taking a bath and reading your book, I saw your name, said it out loud and had another dizzy spell. I think I dreamed of you, too. . .” her brows furrowed in confusion.

Calum tries not to let her small tidbit of information that she was in the bath when she said his name get to him, but he knows exactly what she’s talking about. He was at home playing with Duke when he felt another wave of dizziness hit, it came upon him so fast that he practically fell onto the couch. It felt different then when he said her name, it was stronger. 

“I’m sorry, when I discovered your name, I kept saying it,” he admits fiddling with one of his rings. 

“How’d you find out my name?” 

“I was talking with my friend, Ashton and I told him about the day we collided and how you smelled like a rose. You know what’s funny? When we said each other’s name downstairs I didn’t feel dizzy, did you?”

“No, I didn’t,” she shakes her head then looks at him, “what does that mean?”

“I--” he stops short when the song shifts, and he gasps. “I’ve had this melody stuck in my head for weeks, is this you singing?”

“Absolutely not,” Rose laughs and rises from the couch to turn it up on her phone. “It calms me down, so I play it a lot. What was--oh!”

She spun around and Calum was standing right in front of her. She didn’t realize how tall he is until right now and the scent of his cologne and laundry detergent reminds her of a home she’s come back to. 

“I have an idea as to why we didn’t hear each other’s voices,” he says, stepping even closer. 

“What’s that?” Rose licks her lips.

“We feel things, and instead of vocalizing them, we write them down or listen to it in music,” he tucks her hair behind her ear. “Even the books we read the authors are in love.”

Rose chuckles at that. “Yeah, what are the odds they’re our favorites?”

“Pretty high, since we were made for each other,” he smiles. His fingers tickle her cheek as he tilts her head up, her eyes are shining, and the smell of roses invades his senses. He inches his mouth closer to hers, “I’m ready to surrender to this, Rose.”

She nods and closes the small space between their lips and it’s as if everything stops. The only thing she can feel are his soft, warm lips on hers, the calluses of his fingers on her cheek and the way his other hand wraps around her waist. He pulls her close and she grabs hold of his shirt, kissing him is like a breath of fresh air. 

He pulls her even closer, chest against chest and she gasps at the movement but welcomes his tongue excitedly. They kiss feverishly, as if this is the only time they have. But they have many more days and many more moments to make memories of. 

They’re breathing heavily when they break the kiss, she feels him smile against her lips and gives her two soft pecks. 

“Calum?”

“Hmm?” his thumb strokes her cheek affectionately.

“You made my world stop spinning.”

• • • •

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[morningfears]

Youngblood

Rating: PG (a few swears, nothing big)

Summary: Someone requested this when Youngblood came out. I wrote it but never posted it. Essentially, listening to Youngblood for the first time as Ash’s girlfriend and giving him your opinion on it.

Word Count: 1.5k

“Ash, is it midnight yet?”

Ashton rolls his eyes playfully as he looks up from his phone and glances over at you. He laughs at the sight of you lying upside down on the couch, your head hanging over the edge and your headphones squishing your cheeks as they hang loosely around your neck. “No,” he hums as he tosses his phone onto the hotel bed and crosses the room to stand behind the couch. You feel his fingers drag along the exposed skin of your shin as he informs you, “Five more minutes.”

“Why can’t I listen now?” you pout as you lift your head just enough to catch sight of him. “I’ve been so patient, I haven’t asked to hear anything early this whole time! It’s killing me, Ashton. Do you want my death on your hands?”

“You’ve waited this long, doll,” he grins as he rounds the couch to take a seat beside you, “you can wait five more minutes. It won’t kill you.”

“But you don’t know that,” you whine as you shift yourself to rest your back against the arm of the couch and stretch your legs over Ashton’s lap, “it could very well send me into some sort of stress-related heart problem. Because my heart literally feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest, I’m so excited.”

Ashton shakes his head at your dramatics as he rubs his fingers over the fuzzy pink socks covering your ankles. “Believe me, doll, I know the feeling. I’m just as excited for you to hear it as you are to hear it. I really want you to hear the stuff we’ve worked so hard on. But I want you to have the full experience.”

“And that full experience includes making me wait until it’s on Spotify, not letting me listen to the copy you have?”

“Exactly,” he nods with a grin before he tugs you closer to him. “Sorry, doll. Just two more minutes and then you can hear all of Youngblood.”

“Can I hear your solo? I know it’s only on the Target one and I honestly don’t think it’ll be on shelves until morning and I literally can’t wait that long so…” you trail off as you settle into his side.

“Yes, dear,” he laughs before he places a kiss to the top of your head, “I’ll play Best Friend for you after you hear the rest of the album. Check your Spotify.”

You grab your phone from the coffee table and grin when you see that only one minute remains until midnight. Your grin grows when you see the notification pop up that new music is available for you. “Holy shit,” you cheer as you turn your headphones on and connect them to your phone, “I’m not listening out loud. I have to be surrounded by this perfection. You can go entertain yourself if you want, I’m gonna be here for a while.”

“I’m sure you’ll be plenty entertaining,” Ashton laughs as he allows you to shift away from him and return to the other end of the couch. “Just settle down, listen to the album. I really, really hope you like it.”

“I’m going to love it,” you assure him before you lean over to press a kiss to his lips, “just like I love you.”

“That was so fucking cheesy,” he teases as he pulls your headphones up and over your ears. “I love you, too. Now, quiet and listen to the album.”

After you settle into your spot on the couch, your feet returning to rest on Ashton’s lap, you hit play on the album. Not wanting to miss out on the full experience, you begin with Youngblood although you’ve heard it far too many times at this point. Ashton grins as he watches you bob your head and mouth the lyrics as he relaxes into the couch and turns his head to face you. He’s calm as you move on to Want You Back, another song you’ve heard multiple times at this point, but he can feel his heart begin to race just a bit as Lie To Me begins.

He tries not to stare at you, tries not to make you feel uncomfortable with his scrutiny, but he can’t help himself as he watches for any flicker of emotion to cross your face. Your opinion is one of the most important to him, he wants you to love the album as much as he does, and he’s excited for you to hear it. But he’s not sure how he can handle waiting for you to finish listening to it.

When you hit pause and nudge his thigh with your foot, Ashton blinks away the thoughts clouding his mind and raises an eyebrow at you. “Do I need tissues for this album?” you question, your eyes wide, “Because Lie to Me was fucking emo and I’m not ready for this. It was so nice, though. I loved it.”

A little bit of his anxiety disappears when you tell him that you love the track and he can read the sincerity in your eyes. “Maybe,” he laughs as he rubs the exposed skin of your shin, “but you can always come cry on my shoulder. I’ve got you, doll.”

“You say I’m the cheesy one,” you huff playfully with a roll of your eyes. “I’m good for right now. Valentine is up next and I know that one. I love it a lot, in case you were wondering. Remind me to tell Michael that I loved his voice in it.”

Ashton rolls his eyes with a laugh as he gestures for you to pull your headphones back up and over your ears. “We don’t have all night. You’re only on track four. Keep going.”

He laughs when you mutter a quiet, “Bossy,” under your breath but you do as your told and power through Valentine to reach Talk Fast.

“Fuck off,” you laugh when the song starts, “this is the 80s synth-pop jam I’ve always wanted. I fucking love this!” Ashton’s grin only grows as he watches you start dancing to the music sounding through your headphones. His heart is feeling lighter by the moment, the butterflies in the pit of his stomach are disappearing, and he’s wondering why he was ever nervous to have you listen to the album.

You’re one of the most genuinely supportive people in his life and he knows that, no matter what, you’re going to be there for him. This album is no different.

He almost wants to ask how you feel about Moving Along when he hears you mutter, “Yes, Cal. It is weird. Put on some fucking pants,” and nearly doubles over in laughter. 

He figures that you won’t keep up the running commentary, he can see you getting lost in the album, so he settles on watching the emotions flicker across your face. You’ve given up trying to hide your reactions from him, you’ve decided to just ignore his scrutiny and enjoy the album, and he can feel his own grin growing as you grin at a tune or frown at a lyric.

An hour later, you’ve run the spectrum of emotions and Ashton can feel the anxiety returning as he watches you turn off your headphones, lock your phone, and pull your legs from his lap. He’s about to ask what you thought of the album, ask what you’re doing, but before he can breathe a word, you’re situating yourself on his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck. His arms come up to wrap around your torso as his hands rub your back.

“You alright?” he questions with a laugh when you bury your face in the crook of his neck but say nothing.

“You guys broke me,” you huff against his skin, “Youngblood is fucking amazing and I hate all of you. I feel so fucking emo right now.”

“I’m sorry, doll,” he laughs as he continues to rub your back, “I’m happy you love it, though.”

“I do,” you nod as you pull away to look at him, “I love it a lot and I’m so, so, so fucking proud of you guys. This album is so good and you guys have grown so much. You took your time and you did it right and I’m so happy for you guys. You’ve grown as people and as artists and I’m so proud to call you my boyfriend and the guys my friends. This album is brilliant and, ugh, I’m just so proud.”

Ashton smiles at the praise you continue to bestow on him and holds you tight against his chest. It means the world to him, knowing that you love it so much, and it makes him happy to have someone like you in his corner. “I love you,” he breathes as he pulls you closer to him to press a kiss to your lips. “Thank you for being here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I really want to make a joke and say crash and burn but I can’t. You’re so strong and so amazing that you’d be just fine but I’m really glad to be by your side. It’s a privilege and one that I don’t take lightly,” you assure him as you cup his cheeks and brush your thumbs over his heated skin.  “I love you.”

Ashton knows that he’s lucky to have you in his life and he knows that, regardless of what anyone else thinks, your approval is what truly matters.

__________________________________________________

Author’s Note: I lowkey miss writing super simple, really easy concepts. This was so fun. I love super intricate plots and fun stories but, like, something about a simple one shot, man. Also, can you tell that Talk Fast was my favorite song on the album? It really is the 80s synth pop song I needed. I can’t wait for CALM. I’m finally getting to see them live after being a fan since, like, 2013/2014 and, um. I can’t wait. To whoever requested this, sorry it’s, like. Almost two years late. Yikes. Anyway. Enjoy!

[ao3bronte]

Santa Shuffle🎅🎄

After what has been an admittedly tumultuous December (‘Bronte: Attack of the Anons’ was basically the theme at the beginning of my holiday season), I decided to try something that would lift my spirits. I love games and surprises so rather than bang my head against the wall trying to come up with another story, I decided to create little Christmas drabbles based on the following rules:

Put Spotify on shuffle and start playing Christmas songs.

For each song, write something inspired by the song. 

Do 10 songs and post. Make sure to include the song name/artist.

Please sit back and enjoy!​🎅🎄

~

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Michael Bublé

The stars are shining from behind the ever-present layer of wintertime clouds, floating like lanterns in the dark. Tonight, Chat Noir feels as if he’s soaring amongst them, gazing up at the brilliant lights that emanate from the canvas of twilight sky. Brightly decorated Christmas trees sit like beacons in the middle of crowded squares that teem with winter markets and roasted chestnuts and Chat simply can’t keep his feelings back any longer, glowing with a wild abandon he has never known.

As always, he’s right where he belongs.

He lets go of his baton and tosses his body into the air, somersaulting over a bevy of twinkling Christmas lights. He banks right and ventures off further onto the familiar rooftops of Paris, healing the gashes in his soul long scabbed over. There’s nothing like the feeling of the holidays, lost within the colourful heights and cheerful carols, never falling. He smiles, his heart bursting with a feeling he can only describe as true, utter bliss.

Christmas in Paris is coming, and for the first time ever, he actually has a home.

Mistletoe - Justin Bieber

There are people everywhere, packed within the vast confines of the main hall of Le Grand Paris. They’re dancing, feasting, laughing, screaming, kissing, drinking, having the time of their lives.

It’s a Christmas party and the Champagne is flowing. Things are going to get a little sloppy.

He spies her from the other side of the hall and they lock eyes, a smirk full of promise playing on her lips. She’s been canoodling and chatting up her network like a true professional while Adrien admires from afar, content to watch her sashay in that gorgeous red handmade gown he loves so very much. The open back, the plunging neckline, the figure hugging silk he just wants to…

...well, he has to be on his best behaviour. They’re in public after all.

But, like most parties this time of year, there are punches and bottles of sparkling wine a plenty, which means that no one is acting with enough propriety to notice the heat emanating between them. He returns her saucy gesture with a raised eyebrow and a smug grin and it’s one of those take it or leave it smirks, the kind that teases and promises so much more.

She pushes through the crowd, her eyes never leaving his, and he stands his ground, limbs tingling with both excitement and slight intoxication. He can feel her lingering on her lips, a memory of something intangibly right, and shifts his body so that he’s standing right where he needs to be in order to make this little game of his all worthwhile.

She notices, of course. She always does.

“Mistletoe?” she questions him, crossing her arms across her chest. The action only accentuates her décolletage and Adrien’s mouth begins to water, “Really?”

He doesn’t even bother trying to answer. Instead, he takes her by the waist and kisses her senseless.

Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town - Bruce Springsteen

Chat Noir grins widely and drops his enormous bag of toys onto the floor just outside of the elevator. He shares a private look with Ladybug, one full of apology for the deluge of children galloping down the hall in their direction, and opens his arms with a laugh.

“HO HO HO!” he hollers with excitement, completely and utterly attacked by children who are so excited to see him that they can hardly contain themselves. Ladybug scoops the toys out of the way just as her partner is thoroughly taken down by the rabid pack and laughs as they tug on his fake beard and Santa hat.

He manages to extricate himself eventually and toddles around the hospital ward with an enthusiastic flock of enamoured children in tow. Santa Noir delivers a personalized gift to each child stuck in the children’s hospital over the holidays and poses for selfies by the thousands while Ladybug follows behind, laughing as he regularly whips out his best impressions of Santa himself. 

And then he starts to sing.

“You better watch out,” he wags his finger, much to the children’s delight, “You better not pout! You better not cry, I’m telling you why. Santa Claws is coming to town!”

A hundred voices chime in for the chorus, waving jingle bells and laughing as Chat performs the latest Fortnite dance for them. It’s embarrassing and hilarious and honestly? 

Ladybug has never been more in love.

River - Robert Downey Jr.

He’s never told a soul, and so long as he knew, no one had been around when he’d finally lost his composure and cried.

He’d collapsed onto his haunches and wept out loud into his palms, frustrated and upset and drowning in a myriad of emotions he can’t categorize without losing anymore of his precious sanity. Why was he out here again? Why was he wasting his time – again – for someone who couldn't even spend a moment of his Christmas Eve to be with his son?

Oh right. 

Because that someone was his father.

He’d cried harder, heaving into the night air without being able to stop himself. 

Why did Maman have to go away?

Step Into Christmas - Elton John

Marinette giggles as Adrien grabs her hands and swings her around her parent’s living room, dancing the night away. The Christmas bops playing off of Marinette’s Spotify playlist are just the thing to convince her to get off the couch after way too much turkey and join him in a little Santa Samba around the Christmas tree.

“Stoooop,” she laughs, not really meaning it as he wraps one arm around her body and captures her hand in his, “Maman’s taking videos of us.”

“For the wedding!” Sabine coos as Adrien spins her in a gentle underarm pirouette and Adrien can’t help but grin.

“Come on Marinette,” Adrien pulls back and shimmies to the jazzy jam, “You can’t deny the chemistry between us.”

“We’re engaged, you doofus,” Marinette scolds him fondly, squeaking as he pulls her back into his chest, “Of course we have chemistry.”

“Which is why we need to practice dancing,” Adrien slots his feet between hers and leads her into a dizzying spiral of turns, “And what better time to do it than on Christmas Eve with my favourite people?”

“Flaterer,” Marinette shakes her head as Tom cheers from the kitchen.

“Dip her! Dip her!”

“NONONO!”

Adrien can’t deny his future father-in-law, now can he? With a side splitting laugh, Adrien lunges forwards and gracefully lowers the love of his life in his arms, pausing only to wink at the camera.

Santa Tell Me - Ariana Grande

Marinette holds her favourite picture of Adrien to her chest and sighs as the latest Gabriel holiday commercial plays on repeat in the background. Adrien stares in awe up at the snow that cascades from the sky, surrounded by Christmas decorated in black and white baubles and metallic ornaments. It’s for another perfume line, this one heavy on frankincense and ginger, and Marinette just wants to bury her face in the crook of Adrien’s perfectly popped collar and drink him in.

He’s perfect.

She would do anything to go on a date with him right now. They could go to the Christmas market together, hand in hand, or sip on hot chocolate in front of a crackling fire. They could decorate gingerbread cookies in her bakery and then go to the annual Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony together so they could kiss under the fairy lights!

They would be amazing together.

Marinette checks her calendar and sees that Adrien has a packed schedule of modelling and extracurriculars for the foreseeable future and shrugs, still holding onto hope. Maybe, with just a little bit of luck on her side, she could admit her true feelings and fall in love this Christmas…

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey

Three seconds in the same room with her and he’s practically on the floor, on his knees, head spinning from the sheer emotion of it all. He’d just walked in on her pulling her beautiful, gorgeous black hair out of her ponytails for the mayor’s Christmas Party at Le Grand Paris and thought he’d died and gone to heaven.

Her blue eyes were like the ocean.

Her legs went on for miles.

He pines for her like a puppy. He’d do anything for her.

(He bets she tastes like strawberries.)

“Face it,” Rena Rouge mutters, nudging Ladybug lightly with her elbow. Ladybug glances over in the direction her fellow heroine is pointing and sighs, tugging her bangs in front of her eyes in embarrassment, “He’s got it bad.”

Facing her lovestruck partner, Ladybug takes a weary breath and simply surrenders, “Don’t remind me.”

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - Thurl Ravenscroft

Ladybug and Chat Noir exchange glances across the battleground, grinning like Cheshire cats in the gloom. She grips her yoyo in her palm, squeezing the unbreakable spotted material with her fingers. Chat fiddles idly with the base of his baton, his confidence boosted tenfold.

“I’m sorry, Bugaboo,” he drawls, his glowing eyes mischievous, “Could you repeat that?”

“Of course, Kitty,” she replies, equally as sardonic, “I was just discussing how fun it would be to go cataclysme Le Papillon’s head off. After ruining Christmas Day for everyone in Paris, don’t you think he deserves it?”

Standing within the ruins of the mansion’s west wing, the villain in question starts stepping backwards slowly, only to be impeded by a gigantic hunk of plaster clipping him in the back of the knees. The butterfly Miraculous wielder falls backwards onto his backside as the murderous duo stand over him, their expressions identical.

“Stop!” Le Papillon cries, raising his palms in surrender, “I’m doing this for her! For Émilie!”

“Don’t bring Maman into this,” Chat Noir hisses, spinning his baton in the light of the fire. A few years ago, Adrien might have surrendered then and there. But now?

Now he had his new family to protect.

“Shall I do the honours?”

Chat smiles and motions with his arm invitingly, eyes grazing his fuming fiancé, “The honours all yours.”

Whisking her yoyo’s string around with a cracking thwack so loud even Chat can’t help but wince, his heavily pregnant partner brings her magical weapon down on Le Papillon’s head with a crunch.

Christmas In New York - Lea Michelle

Marinette Dupain-Cheng squares her shoulders and grins widely, stepping out through the revolving doors of the Four Seasons Hotel in New York City. The thrill of life in the Big Apple fills her heart with excitement as she spins around and waves at the doorman.

“Merry Christmas, Miss Dupain-Cheng!”

“Merci!” she chimes, smiling at him over her shoulder. There’s a limousine waiting for her out front and the chauffeur opens the back door as she approaches, taking her gloved hand in his so she doesn’t trip, “Are we headed to work, Miss Dupain-Cheng?”

Marinette offers him a cheeky grin, “Can we get stuck in traffic for an hour or two? I need to do a little shopping for my friends and family before I fly home.”

“Of course,” her chauffeur dips his head, his own smirk hidden by his impressive mustache, “I suppose the traffic must be terrible near Fifth Avenue at this time of day.”

“I agree,” Marinette settles into the leather seats of the stretch limo and relishes in the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. She’s so excited to return to Paris after two wonderful weeks overseas working with the crème de la crème of the American fashion world, no thanks to her business with Jagged Stone. She’s walked through a festively decorated Central Park and taken selfies from the top of the Rockefeller Centre. She’s even watched the Rockettes perform their high flying kicks at Radio City and visited the Macy’s Christmas window display! The city that never sleeps hasn’t disappointed her in the slightest, especially draped in the red and greens of Christmastime.

She passes by beautiful holiday trees and flickering fairy lights as they weave their way through Manhattan and, although she can’t wait to hug her Maman and Papa at the airport in just a few more days, she’s already planning her next Christmas in New York.

Bring Me Love - John Legend

Sliding across his apartment floor in his Christmas socks, Adrien clutches a banana in his hand and sings into the stem with all the excitement and enthusiasm of a man who’s about to rock his fiancé’s world. He wiggles his hips and kicks his free leg, boogying down to the saxophone and bass and he is feeling fabulous, the tree is looking fabulous and everything is absolutely fabulous. Marinette would be thrilled with his decorating skills, especially since he’s been left to his own devices for the past two weeks while she’s been away on business. She’ll be landing in Charles du Gaulle in just a few short hours and Adrien has cookies baking in the oven (dough courtesy of Tom, of course) and mistletoe hanging over the doorway. All he needs to make his Christmas homecoming a success would be having his beautiful, successful, gorgeous fiancé by his side.

If only Santa would bring her home faster!

He’s put on his Rudolph boxers for the special occasion and bops his shower soggy hair to the beat, letting it fly everywhere. It might be -8℃ outside but it’s toasty warm inside their little flat in Le Marais and Adrien intends to put the love in their lovenest tonight.

He drops it low and snaps, spinning around on the balls of his feet. He feels amazing and there’s adrenaline and an irrepressible joy surging through his veins as he hops onto the cushions of the couch and channels his inner Beyoncé, howling the high notes with all his might. He can’t hold in his love any longer and leaps off the furniture with a karate kick, landing in a crouch only to pop back up again with a pirouette that would have put his alter ego’s talents to shame.

A giggle from the kitchen leaves him skidding in his tracks.

“Who’s there?”

Her face half hidden by her mittens, a thoroughly amused Marinette steps into the colourful glow of the Christmas tree, “Are you wearing Rudolph boxers?”

Adrien, for all intents and purposes, has never been happier to hear the love of his life critique his undergarments, “MARINETTE!”

“Hey Kitt—mmpf!”

Capturing her lips in a bruising kiss, Adrien drops his banana and spins her around in a searing embrace that leaves them both dizzy and breathless. When he finally sets her back down onto the floor, Marinette is thoroughly smitten with her fiancé all over again.

“Miss me?” he asks, peppering every centimetre of exposed skin with kisses, “Because I thought I was going to wither away to nothing if you were gone for another minute.”

“I missed you,” Marinette’s knees quiver as he undoes her winter coat and throws it onto the kitchen counter behind them, “I missed you so much.”

“Oh my god, your voice,” Adrien wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face in her neck, “Your smell, your skin, your hair, your lips. You are never leaving for that long ever again without me.”

Marinette laughs and Adrien soaks in the beautiful sound, “Deal.”

“Good,” Adrien says, still damp and half naked, “How did I do?”

He gestures to the decorations draped all over their studio apartment and Marinette feels her heart stutter beneath the absolute flood of emotion thudding through her chest, “You did amazing, Adrien. It looks beautiful.”

“Thank you,” he kisses her again, “Christmas must have come early because all I wished for was you.”

Pressing their foreheads together, Marinette boops him on the nose, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

💋Bronte

[harryscumcloth]

Malibu Nights

Please keep in mind that this story is obviously fictional and the timelines will not add up correctly as it is altered to work in favor of the story!

Contains: light smut, alcohol consumption, fluff, angst

Word count: 6.6k

He knew not to pry when it came to her personal life. She’s made it clear that she’s not too fond of her past and would rather not speak on the issues. He respected her boundaries as she did his, that’s why their friendship always worked. But when Harry oversteps the boundary with a peculiar question, will the answer ruin everything?

Tags | Playlist | Moodboard

a special thank you to my angel Lauren @harrysonlyangelsss for sticking through it with me and being my beta reader. It’s been quite an emotional roller coaster for sure. And to my baby Naila @freakymedecine for being my second beta reader and giving the best reactions.

here we go...

December 20th, 2015

She dug her phone out from the bottom of her purse when the message tone went off. Her face lit up with a smile when she saw that it was a voice message from Harry. This was their special way of communicating instead of phone calls or text messages.

She hit play and put the phone to her ear, “Hi Bean, ‘m gonna be there in ...ehmm... an hour maybe. ‘ve got your favorite.”

She had just gotten home from the last exhausting day at work before the holiday break and planned to relax by having a nice glass of her favorite red wine and soaking her aching muscles with a hot bath.

As soon as she shut the door and locked it, she pried the heels from her feet and tossed them beside the door with a thud. She began undressing while she walked to the bathroom to run the bath water, not caring where the items were landing, knowing she would gather them later in the evening.

She hit record and held the phone to her mouth, “Hi Dad,” she emphasized the word ‘Dad’, knowing that it would make Harry roll his eyes playfully, “I have plans tonight. Reschedule?” She sent it and laughed at her response.

Another message came through rather quickly. “Funny.” She ignored it and walked to the kitchen, grabbing her dearest bottle of wine from the fridge -- the one she had been waiting all week to crack open -- and a glass from the cabinet.

She only intended on relaxing for half an hour but after two full glasses, she dozed off for an entire hour and was woken up by the rhythmed beats on the door. She quickly jumped out of the bathtub and wrapped herself in a robe, hurrying to answer the door. She opened it to reveal Harry standing with his luggage in one hand and a take away bag in the other. He made a last minute decision to stop at her favorite Asian restaurant on the way to her apartment

“ ‘M disappointed in ya Bean. I told you an hour and you had me standin’ here like a bloody delivery boy.”

She folded her arms across her chest to keep the robe closed tight and ignored his comment completely, “Aren’t you supposed to be catching your flight?” He was going back to Holmes Chapel to spend the holidays with his mum and Robin while she spent hers alone in her tiny apartment in Malibu.

“It’s tomorrow mornin’. Wanted to see my favorite girl before I left.” He walked in, leaving his luggage at the door and setting the food on the counter.

“Ha! Favorite girl huh? What happened to Barbie Kardashian?” She knew he hated when she referred to Kendall as that and so she would specifically do it just to aggravate and get a rise out of him.

He smiled anyways, well aware of her intentions but not giving in to what she wanted. “We broke up. Again.”

She let out a loud gasp, throwing her hand to her chest as if she was shocked, “Again? Oh no! That’s tragic.” She was over the Hendall drama and had been since the beginning of it in 2013.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, desperately wanting to change the subject. “Still a bit warm, figured it would’ve cooled off some.” He knew she preferred her chinese takeout cold rather than hot.

“It’s perfect, thanks bub.” She pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I wasn’t hungry until you showed up.” She said while rummaging through the utensil drawer to find her handy spork that she specifically bought for Chinese takeout, and shoveling a decent amount of fried rice into her mouth. She hadn’t realized what she said until she turned around and saw his facial expression. His eyebrows were raised and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth, forming a small smirk.

“Wha?” She mumbled with her lips close, keeping the pieces from falling.

“Nothin’. Nothin’ at all.” He knew what she meant when she said it but he couldn’t help but imagine her meaning it in a different way. That she was hungry for him, maybe even starving for him.

“Want some?” She held the box out to him and he shook his head in refusal. “You know, I really thought you were going to miss our famous friday night fun. I was kind of upset.” She admitted.

“Well I’m here.” He gave her a quick squeeze between his arms. “Now, got me that playlist?”

It was her turn that week to put together a playlist -- the theme being sexual -- of songs that were new to her and enjoyed them enough to share with him. She searched through Spotify for days looking for songs and even asked coworkers for song recommendations. She knew he wasn’t into provocative artists, such as the type that objectify women with their repulsive misogynistic lyrics, so it was a bit more difficult but finally she had gathered a few that she was certain would be suited to his liking.

“Yes sir. Let me get you a drink first.” She padded over to the cabinet where she stored his special old fashioned glass and his favored bottles of vodka and whiskey. “What would you like?”

“Vodka.”

“Aye aye Captain.” She said as she unscrewed the cap and filled the glass three fourths of the way to the rim. Her hands were unsteady as she handed him the glass, “Go out on the balcony and wait for me. I have to get dressed.” She shooed him towards the door and handed him her phone. “Have a look.”

“You can keep it on, I don’t mind.” He took a big gulp from his drink, curling his lips against his teeth as the bitter liquid ran down his throat. It was more so a demand than a suggestion. He raised his glass to her with a nod of his head before he stepped out on the balcony, taking her phone with him.

It was obvious to both of them that the vibe changed during that moment. She pondered on switching into something more acceptable, like her over worn sweats and a t-shirt, or continue wearing the skimpy robe and risk it coming undone and having it exposed her. Of course she was feeling a bit frisky and overly confident after his comment, but he was her best friend. She felt guilty even thinking of him in that way.

While she rummaged through her clothing, Harry looked through the playlist. His view was cut short by the incoming call screen showing a number that wasn’t saved in her contacts and a number he wasn’t familiar with. “Bean! Do you want me to answer?” His voice was loud enough for her to hear.

“Yeah!” She shouted back, pulling on a pair of her favorite leggings and her go-to oversize t-shirt before slipping into the kitchen to grab more alcohol, deciding on just taking the bottles out to save them a trip later.

“HellooO?” He answers, elongating the word and his voice raising an octave at the end.

He pulled the phone from his ear and looked at the screen when he heard a click through the speaker.

She placed the bottles on the table near him, “Who was that?”

Harry hummed a, “No idea… whoever it was hung up when I said hello.” She didn’t seem overly concerned as she shrugged her shoulders at him and sat down, snuggling into his side as he wrapped his left arm around her.

He’s been over plenty of times and he found it odd that he couldn’t remember a single time that he’s ever heard her phone ring but if she wasn’t worried about it, then he wasn’t either.

Instead of pouring another glass, he drank straight from the bottle. She began to fantasize over his lips and the way they wrapped around the rim of it. She would never understand how he was able to handle the disgusting and bitter taste with such ease.

“Are you visiting your parents?” He asked, curious of her plans for the next eleven days.

“Don’t think so.” She placed the bottle of wine to her lips and chugged, not wanting to get into the conversation he had started.

He pulled her in closer with a tight squeeze,“You should come with me. I’m sure my mum and Robin wouldn’t mind. They adore you.”

“I think I’ll just stay here. Kind of want to be alone anyways.” She held her head down and began to anxiously pick at the label that wrapped around the bottle.

He knew not to pry when it came to her past. She’s made it clear that she’s not too fond of it and would rather not speak on the issues. He respected her boundaries as she did his, that’s why their friendship always worked.

He gazed at her lips with desperation, not caring if she noticed. There had been an ample amount of chances to express his feelings but he was never certain on where they stood and he surely didn’t want to overstep. He could tell that she felt vulnerable with the mention of her family by how she chewed on the inside of her cheek, the way she always would when she was sad or in deep thought.

“I’ve got a gift for you, angel.” He was positive it would cheer her up.

A small smile appeared on her face and his heart warmed at the sight. “For me?” Her voice was soft and unsure.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box. “I only know one angel.” It was gripped between his fingers ready to be opened but he paused for a moment, then added, “Well, besides my mum but she isn’t here so yeah, it’s for you. Merry Christmas bub.”

This surely brought her joy being compared to his mother. He always spoke highly of the woman who had birthed and raised him, and even after only having met Anne a few times, she could agree that she was in fact an angel.

“I’m no angel, trust me.” A nervous giggle passed through her lips. He pulled the box open to reveal a matching peace ring just like the one he owned. Her jaw dropped and she immediately looked at him in awe. “Harry, you didn’t!”

She had been bugging him about that specific ring since the day they met, apparently it was the only one he refused to take off. He considered having it put on a chain for her to wear as a necklace, but he knew that it wouldn’t layer well with her beloved gold plated name tag.

“Aw, bubs! I love it so much. Although I wanted yours,” she added emphasis to yours, chuckling lightly when he rolled his eyes at her, “this is just as great.”

As she lunged into his arms, she cupped his cheeks and pressed her lips to his. She pulled away just as quickly, her eyes wide and lips parted in both shock and embarrassment.

“Sorry.. I- uh, I have a gift for you too.” Her cheeks lit up a bright shade of red from the embarrassment. “Let me go get it.” She removed herself from his arms and scurried into the house with Harry following close behind.

He was right on her heels while walking, trying to reassure her that it didn’t matter if she had kissed him, it didn’t change anything. “Don’t be upset, you were excited and it just happened. It’s okay.”

He stopped and watched in confusion when she opened the pantry door and began to shuffle items around before she pulled out her box of cereal.

“What are you d-”

She interrupted him, “I hid it. Didn’t want you to find it while snooping.” She brought the box to the counter to pull the half eaten bag out and dug to the bottom.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His lips formed a tight line, trying his best not to smile as pink crept onto his cheeks.

It wasn’t a shock to him that he had been caught as she was very meticulous when storing her intimate wear, each item being sorted by type and color. One day he made the mistake of taking a peek while she was in the shower and a light pink shade catching his attention. He was curious to know what they looked like and didn’t think to remember their spot in the drawer, as it was tightly packed and a little overcrowded. He panicked when he realized his mistake and frantically searched for a spot where they might have belonged in and inevitably chose wrong.

“Must’ve been a ghost then.” She shot him a smile before returning to him with a small Gucci box. “Great minds think alike, huh?”

He took the box from her hand and stared at it intensely before he finally opened it. Inside was a thin, silver ring with a feline head detailed on the front, surrounded by intricate swirls and lines that added dimension to the band. He stood with his mouth agape, slowly twisting and turning the ring in all angles. He caught a glimpse of the tiny lettering on the inside of the band, squinting his eyes to see it more clearly.

Then he noticed the four tiny words that were engraved on the inside of the band. ‘You and me forever’ sat daintily upon it and almost had his eyes watering. Never had he expected his best friend to get him a gift so meaningful, and he was beyond grateful for it… and her.

“I can get you something different if you don’t like it.” She felt a little nauseous from his expression, how his brows furrowed in concentration. She sacrificed the things she loved for weeks to be able to get this. “Maybe you could even pick it out this-” Her words were cut short when his mouth collided with hers. His right hand cradled the nape of her neck, and the left cupped her cheek as he guided them backwards towards her bedroom door, a soft thud being heard once it met her back. He savored the lingering remnants of the sweet red wine that sat upon her tongue. Their lips moved together moments longer before he broke away, leaving them both hungry and craving more.

“It’s bloody amazing, y/n.” He only ever referred to her as y/n when he was mad at her, or in this case, when he realized he was in love with her. “Forever and always.”

Her fingertips grazed across the wetness that still remained on her lips and gently pulled the bottom one between her teeth, tasting the warm tang of his vodka flavored saliva. Her eyes were filled with lust while she watched the man before her, reach for the door knob behind her. “I-...”, a wide grin spread across her face, “I was going to show you earlier but there were a lot of… distractions.”

He smirked and folded his arms across his chest. “What were you gonna show me?”

She swung the door wide open and clasped her hands together in excitement as Harry entered the newly revamped bedroom. “What’da ya think?”

She started saving up money when she grew tired of her child-like bedroom that had been covered in pink since she moved in. She was 21, soon to be 22, and felt that it was time for a sophisticated vibe to her home.

He strolled around the room to observe the new furniture and decor. Her knick knacks and stuffed animals were now put away, which instantly tidied up the space. The curtains and duvet were no longer hot pink, but a light shade of grey, and the furniture was now black instead of white. His eyes stopped at the foot of the bed and he smirked when he saw a pile of dirty laundry.

“Still the same, huh?” He referred to the pile by pointing. His index finger hooked under the pair of red, lacy underwear on top and lifted them playfully. He couldn’t help but imagine how they looked look on her and if it was part of a matching set.

“I’m doing laundry tomorrow, thank you. That’s not what I was even talking about.” She snatched the panties and scoffed at him. “I’m talking about my bed. Thought I might need it for when I start dating, y’know?” He knew it was silly to assume that she had been fine on her own all this time. A feeling of jealousy came to the pit of his stomach but he had to play it cool.

“It’s nice. Bigger, yeah?” He would normally sleep in the bed with her, but the thought of her needing a king bed brought wild thoughts to his mind and had him thinking maybe he should take the sofa instead. “You, dating? Didn’t think I’d live to see the day.” Her jaw visibly dropped, shock clearly evident upon her features. Her next blink was prolonged as she was in disbelief at his choice of words. She reached out to swat his bicep but accidentally used more force than intended, leaving a glowing red hand print and a slightly painful stinging sensation. They both burst out into laughter as he let out a playful whine.

She hadn’t been on a date in over a year. It isn’t that she didn’t want to, she had been flooded with extra assignments at her job, leaving her with little to no personal time. And when there was personal time, she spent it with Harry if he was around.

“Well, I’ve been bored.” She plopped onto her back in the middle of the bed. “You’re always traveling and lately you’ve been hard to reach.” He tugged his shirt and skin tight jeans off, leaving them laying on the floor, and joined her on the bed. “And besides, I require physical attention just like you.” There’s an awkward silence as he debates in his mind on whether or not to ask such an intimate question but he’s dying to know.

"When did someone get you off last? And I don't mean yourself or that vibrator I know you're hoarding.” He queried, his curiosity getting the better of him. He’d spent more time in her apartment than in his own house over the past year and although he pretended that he didn’t know, he knew very well where her stash is hidden. He found it months ago while searching for a bar of soap under the bathroom sink.

Her face turned red instantly. She nervously bit her finger while thinking of the last time she was touched. The scenes replayed in her mind often and they could never be forgotten. She flips onto her stomach, crossing her ankles in the air and propping her face in the palms of her hands. “Do you really want to know?” She batted her lashes at him as she giggled.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t really want to know, now would I?” He was expecting it to be some bloke from a random hookup. She hoped and prayed he wouldn’t ask who because she would never admit it to anyone if she were sober but here she was, possibly about to admit it to the one person she was trying to prevent from being hurt. It was the ultimate betrayal and he would be devastated if he knew.

“March.” Her hands immediately flew to her face to shield her eyes from his reaction.

His eyebrows lowered when he started counting on his fingers to determine how many months ago it would have been. “Nine months ago? Bloody hell! That’s the time it takes to grow a baby!”

She quickly decided to change the subject, “So I assume you were snooping and found my stash of toys. Great to know” her voice full of sarcasm.

“What stash?” He had the brilliant idea to play dumb. “But don’t try and change the subject now sweetheart. I need to know who and how.”

He only had enough confidence to dig deeper because of the alcohol flowing in his veins. They had never discussed sexual matters before, but she gave a slight introduction to the topic when she insinuated that she needed a bigger bed just for dating. It still didn’t give him the right to ask such questions, but he did anyways.

“Fine. I will tell you how but not who.” She gave a deep and dramatic sigh, “It was at the last formal event I went to back in March and I was looking around for you but you were doing something somewhere and I literally ran into this guy and it went from there. Back to his place.” She shrugged her shoulders, “That’s all.”

“Wait,” His eyes looked up and to the left, as if he was trying to remember something, “I remember looking for you but you had disappeared.” He paused for a while longer, letting the anticipation grow heavier. “I couldn’t find Zayn either…” His eyes fell to her face and her eyes grew wide with fear. “Did you leave with him?”

“No! I don’t know who he was.” She lied through her teeth. She hated that she felt the need to lie but he would be disgusted with her if he knew.

Her smile faded slowly while she looked at him. His body was stretched out with his arms folded above his head. Her eyes wandered back and forth across him, taking in every dip of every curve that his sculpted abdomen had to offer.

“Something wrong?” He was concerned by the look on her face. Her eyes were held low and heavy as if she were sad.

Everything about this man drove her absolutely insane. He was never ashamed to be himself and he carried so much pride in it. He would always see the best in a person and he loved everyone.. even when he shouldn’t. He would never show that he was angry, he would keep calm and not raise his voice. He’s the most respectful human being that she has ever met and it was undeniable that she was totally in love with him.

She whispered a faint “I want you.” The liquid courage she had indulged in earlier stood no chance to her nerve wracking confession. A lump had risen in her throat faster than she could try to swallow it back down.

He brought his arms back down to his sides and propped himself up on his elbows, looking at her with such determination. He had imagined those words coming from her sweet little mouth more than he’d ever be willing to admit. His dick quickly stiffened and stood erect in his boxers.

“Then have me.”

She was at a loss for words when his response wasn’t how she pictured it in her head. Her intuition told her that he was going to reject her advances and leave her in the friend zone, or possibly even end their friendship. They were both hesitant to make the next move, but she had already made the first and second when she kissed him out of excitement and just then when she made her confession, so it was time he took matters into his own hands.

He was curious of the playlist as he still hadn’t listened to it. It was the perfect time to put it to the test. “Pass me your phone angel.” He playfully demanded with his palm up, elbow still dug deep into the mattress.

She lowered her eyebrows in confusion. “For what?” She cautiously placed it into his palm with her hand still lingering moments after.

He didn’t say a word while he typed her access code in and swiped through the set of apps until he found the right one. “Guess we chose the right theme this week.” He smirked as the melody of Closer by Kings of Leon began to play.

“Harry!” She squealed as she launched herself over him to grab the phone from him. “Give it to me!”

His arm stretched farther away, causing her to topple over onto him. She scrambled to remove herself from his stomach but he gripped her waist to keep her in place. His breath hitched in his throat as her thigh grazed over the thin material covering his length and their eyes met instantly. She pulled away once more, only to be held in place by his strong grip. His eyes flickered back and forth between her eyes and lips, showing his silent debate as he searched her eyes for approval. His words were breathy as he asked, “Are you sure you want this?”

“I want this.” She leaned in close to whisper in his ear, “I want you.”

He shuddered under the warmth of her body as she left tiny love bites below his ear. His hands were still on her waist, pushing her down to grind on his lap. His eyes shut as a guttural moan formed deep within his throat as she hit the exact spot. She remembered him mentioning his sweet spot during a late night conversation and it had been stored in her mind ever since. She fantasized about this very moment for months, wondering what noises he would make, or if his skin was as easy to mark as it looked. She trailed her lips from his neck to his chest, leaving a mark with every kiss. She only pulled away to look up at him quickly. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to do this,” She spoke, her lips swiftly reattaching to him. Her tongue swirled around his left nipple, gently giving it a nibble as her hand blindly found its way under the waistband of his boxers.

“Angel pl-” His words were cut short by another guttural moan when her hand halfway wrapped around his length and began to pump him slowly. She gazed at him through her lashes, curious of how he looked while being pleasured. His eyes were tightly screwed shut, crows feet appearing deeper than normal, and his lips were a deeper shade of pink, slightly dry from the rapid pants, and they were parted in sheer bliss. “I really want to kiss you.”

She stopped in her tracks and slowly trailed back up the path of her marks, leaving kisses on each one and finding her way back to his jaw. His breathing became uneasy as she neared the sweet spot below his ear once more, wincing at the now familiar warmth from her breath. “Say it again,” her teeth connecting with the tip of his earlobe.

“Please… I want to kiss you.” His lips started to quiver in desperation, begging to feel hers pressed to them, his mind racing with anticipation.

It was a new experience for him to be the one begging and pleading. Normally it was the other way around with him being the one to call the shots but she had him in the palm of her hand the second her lips hit the right spot on the first try. He was wrapped around her finger in the best way possible. Her mouth hovered over his as she darted her tongue out in a teasing gesture, grazing his lower lip ever so gently.

She placed her hand under his neck, slowly lifting his head up from the pillow, her other hand still pumping him as she roughly pressed her lips to his. Their mouths parted instantly, allowing their tongues to collide. His hands cupped her the sides of her face, leaving his fingers to disappear into the tangled mess of her hair. His moans were silenced by her lips encapsulating his completely as she kissed him harder. His thrusts became coordinated with the rhythm of the pumps, silently signaling that he needed more

She needed to taste him and she couldn't wait any longer. Her teeth caught his lip, pulling and letting go as she removed her mouth from his. She started off with slow, soft kisses on his chest before dragging the tip of her tongue down the center of his stomach, ending at the patch of hair below his belly button. She peppered light kisses around the area, continuing to pump him slowly and placing herself down on his knees for easier access. Her eyes were trained on his expression as she tugged his boxers down his thighs. “Better than I imagined.” Her words were slurred, an obvious sign of intoxication. Her tongue barely made contact with the tip before he stopped her.

“No no no no stop.” He frantically sat up, holding her back by her shoulders. “I can’t let you do this.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she sat back on her feet. “I... thought you wanted me…” Her voice was shaky while she fought to keep the tears from falling.

“Baby I do, believe me, I do… but not like this. I’d never forgive myself.” He gave her a sympathetic look while his thumb swept away the single tear that had fallen onto her cheek. “I want you completely sober.”

She held onto his wrist as he cradled her cheek with the palm of his hand, gently rubbing his thumb across the soft and delicate skin. He felt awful denying y/n of what she wanted. Before now, he could never say no to her, no matter what the situation was. It was the natural pout that her mouth would form when she was relaxed.

She hadn’t spoken one word yet. She was in a daze with her lip tightly tucked between her teeth, still sat upon her feet. She needed better reassurance than what he had offered. She was mortified by her actions, leaving her frozen in fear. She was scared that she had ruined everything by making advances at him, thinking that maybe she had misread the signals.

“Angel, listen. I promise I want you. I want you more than anything —- I always have. But I would be taking advantage of you and it wouldn’t be fair to you. I would be bloody sick if you woke up in the morning and hated me for it.”

“I could never hate you.” She blurted softly.

“But if you did, I’d hate myself for it. I’m always going to want you… but I just can’t right now. I’m sorry angel.” He grabbed her hands, squeezing tightly, “But right now, you need to get your seven hours of sleep so you won’t be cranky in the morning.”

She let out a small giggle while twisting the rings on his fingers, “Can I drive you to the airport?”

His face lit up with a smile. He was hoping she had gotten the hint when he proposed that she should sleep now, leaving her wondering why she would be getting up early. “I was hoping you’d offer. Wanted you to be the last person I saw before I left.”

—

Harry had fallen asleep rather quickly after the lights were turned off, which left her awake and deep in her thoughts. She tossed and turned for what felt like hours and even scrolled on her phone for a bit before she finally fell asleep. Not even two hours later, she woke up with a throbbing ache between her legs. She couldn’t stop imagining him down there -- something she had been doing long before tonight. The aching became too painful to ignore and she knew how her body wouldn’t be satisfied until it got what it wanted.

She crept out of the bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. After every step, she turned and checked to make sure he was still sleeping soundly. She peaked once again before she lightly shut the door and locked it. The cabinet door under the sink let out a loud creak when she opened it, she paused to listen for any movement from outside of the bathroom, and continued when she assumed it was clear. She grabbed her best vibrator and positioned herself comfortably on the countertop.

Normally Harry was quite the heavy sleeper but he had been drifting in and out of sleep, his thoughts kept him from falling into a deep slumber. He was completely woken by the loud creak that echoed from the bathroom. Minutes had passed before he finally got up to go check on her, thinking that maybe she was sick from the alcohol or actually had to use the bathroom. There was a buzzing sound that became more apparent as he neared the door and he knew exactly what was going on. A smirk appeared on his face as he knocked on the door, “Are you okay?”  He leaned against the wall and waited for her reply.

She had finished just in time to hear Harry knocking on the door, asking if she was okay. She wanted to say she was more than okay, but as she opened the door and shut the light off, all she could do was let out a “mmmhmm.” He was propped against the wall with his arms crossed as well as his ankles. He had a devious smirk painted on his face and she knew she had been caught, but she wasn’t going to admit it. She was thankful that it was still dark, aside from the little nightlight in the corner of the room, because her face was cherry red as she walked back to the bed with him following closely behind. She lifted the covers and slid back in while he did the same, and she faced the opposite way from him. His words were soft as he asked, “Feel better?”

She couldn’t help but smile and giggle before replying a shy “Yeah”. She thought that was the end of the conversation, but he didn’t let it die without a cheeky comment.

“Your toothbrush is very loud. Thought it was a lawn mower for a second there.”

She pulled the pillow over her head to block out his voice, desperately trying to ignore him.

——

December 21, 2015

“Don’t leave.” She held his one hand with the both of hers, tugging him closer over the armrest. He grinned at the sight of her bottom lip protruding just as a child’s would when they didn’t have their way. Her eyes threatened tears while he sat with his head cocked, an amused looked plastered on his face.

“ ‘M comin’ back Angel. No need to be upset.” His thumb swept across her bottom lip, prying its way between them. He loved to see her pretty little lips hang when she pouted. She opened her mouth slightly, allowing only the tip to slip in. “Be good for me, alright?”

She scoffed and spit his finger out, “I’m always good for you.”

He tutted his tongue, “Not last night you weren’t. Quite the opposite if I‘m remembering correctly.”  

He was running short on time but he wanted to spend every last second with her before he absolutely just had to leave. He had been away from her too many times, but it was different this time. He had never seen her so vulnerable about him leaving.

“I have to go now Bean. We can chat during the flight, yeah?” He leaned closer, wrapping his hand to the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers, slowly letting his tongue enter for a quick second. She didn’t want the kiss to break, but he really had to leave. “Wasn’t a good idea.” He said as a huge smile appeared on his face, showing his deep dimples.

“Why not?” Her hand flew to her mouth to pluck at her lips.

“My dick is rock hard now.” And with that, he shut the door and gathered his luggage from the trunk and giving her a heavy wave goodbye.

---

It was later on in the day when she had made it home. She stopped to run a few errands and window shop a little. She had been talking to Harry up until he stopped responding around an hour ago. Figuring that he had fallen asleep, she didn’t think much more of it and found herself lounging on the couch watching Gossip Girl on Netflix. Another hour had passed before her phone’s message tone went off and she saw a message from Harry. She opened it expecting it to be a voice message but instead it was just a text message, something they hardly ever sent. The text contained a link to a video.

Harry: is this about you?

She shakily clicked on the link, immediately overwhelmed with emotion.  Zayn Malik, former boy band member, SPILLS ALL in an exclusive interview for his brand new album!

What made him ask if it was about her? Zayn promised her he would never mention it again, but clearly he’s a liar.

After watching only three short minutes of it, she quickly became annoyed, wondering why Harry would send her this link. It had nothing to do with her, so why was he asking if it was about her? She listened for a few seconds longer before hearing the interviewer’s question that caught her attention.

Interviewer: “I had a lot of different emotions while listening to the album and was wondering, is it about a relationship? Or maybe even just a hookup?”

Zayn: “It was both, you know? But the girl I was in a relationship with wasn’t the girl I hooked up with.”

Interviewer: “What do you mean?”

Zayn: “So I’d recently gone through a tough breakup and there were so many emotions going through my mind, hence why the album is called Mind of Mine. It was weird. Then there was this night that I was out and I bumped into Y/- uh her and we had met through a mutual friend but I’d known her for a while and you know, things just... happened.”

Interviewer: “So it was like a rebound?”

Zayn: “Not really. We were just two people who needed some love for the night and I haven’t actually seen her since.”

Interviewer: “Do we at least get this girl’s name and maybe have you confirm which songs are about her?”

Zayn: “I think it’s pretty obvious which songs are about her. To make it easier, there are five of ‘em.”

Interviewer: “She must’ve left one hell of an impression for you to write not one, but five songs about her, yeah?”

Zayn: “She was great. I had a great time. I’ve never met anyone who matches my sexual aura in the way she did.”

Interviewer: “Does she know these songs are about her?”

Zayn: “I guess she will now.”

She was sick, feeling as if she could empty her entire stomach’s contents onto the floor. He promised her that he would never tell a soul about that night but he went and wrote fucking songs about it. She was absolutely mortified that Harry had seen it and noticed that Zayn had accidentally slipped and said her name in a stupid interview and didn’t even think to warn her beforehand! She could barely keep a grip on her phone properly with her hands shaking uncontrollably as she paced around her apartment. No, no, no, no! This cannot be happening right now.

Her voice was breathy and full of panic as she recorded the message trying to explain but her words failed her as she became tongue tied and they jumbled together, leaving her with only one option -- a text message.

Y/N: Harry… I can explain.

[dyscrasia-eucrasia]

Part 3

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"So how was that show you went to last night?" Javier asked as he preened in front of the mirror. 

"Oh my god, it was so, so good," Angel replied as he peeled off his shirt and folded it. "Totally worth taking off a Saturday for. I actually got to talk to the lead singer for one of the bands and he was so gorgeous." 

"Yeah? Tell me you got pictures." 

"I got a couple when they were playing, here, come look." He motioned Javier over and retrieved his phone from his locker. 

Opening up his photo gallery, he'd already pushed the photos from the show down under a wall of selfies, most of the same angle and expression, with only the most minute of differences. 

"Girl," Javier said, clicking his tongue as he looked over Angel's shoulder, "you are so conceited." 

"Shut up, I am not. This is advertising." 

"Sure it is, Miss 'I'm a thousand followers away from ten K.' I saw your post begging for brand deals. Hey, if you get those flat tummy teas to sponsor you, you can do a post about how they flush out your system so you can take a ton of dick." 

"Oh my godddd," Angel laughed. "You are such a bitch! Do you want to see these pics or not?" 

"Yaaaas, show me!" 

"Here," Angel tapped a photo and it expanded to fill the screen. It was probably the best picture he'd gotten at the show, one of Demie as he'd growled into the mic, his long hair cascading on either side of his face, which was half cast in shadow by the stage lights. Angel was especially fond of the way the shadows highlighted Demie's long, gaunt face, and the way the fake horns curled up around his ears. 

"...Girl," Javier said. His tone didn't sound like he was impressed. More like he was being judgemental. 

"What?"

"That is like, one of the ugliest dudes I've ever seen." 

"What? No he isn't, he's hot A.F." 

"Giiiirl, you can't be serious. Look at that ratty-ass beard! Oh my god, could you imagine trying to kiss someone with one of those?" 

"Oh whatever, you think bald old men are hot." 

"Nooo, I think Daddies are hot, not every old guy is a Daddy." 

"Ugh, gross." 

"You won't think it's so gross when I'm married to a hot rich old guy who dies and leaves me his mansion," Javier said, giving Angel a little shove and heading back over to the mirror. 

"That's right, I forgot your idea of romance is murder," Angel shot back. Javier shot him a look, pursing his lips, and gave Angel the finger before heading out of the locker room. 

Angel laughed to himself. He took another look at the picture of Demie. He'd taken surprisingly few photos of the show - something about the music had just taken such a strong grip on him that he'd forgotten to document the experience. In a way, it had felt too intimate to post on Instagram with a long-winded caption about how much he loved music or whatever. 

Plus, he preferred to tag artists in his posts, and despite doing a lot of digging, he hadn't been able to find any social media presence for Bacchus at all. No Instagram, no Twitter, no Spotify, not even a Bandcamp page. He'd even scrolled back through nearly a hundred of Marius' Instagram posts, looking for a picture of Demie or Elaine, but both were notably absent. 

That tracked, he guessed, considering Demie had said he didn't have a phone, but he could've sworn he saw Elaine on one. Surely she posted something about them, at least to let fans know if they had a show coming up. But all he'd been able to find was a post on a heavy metal Subreddit with a low-quality recording of the band, asking if it was true that Marius used to play for them. There were only two replies - one reporting that Marius had said in an interview that he used to play bass for an indie band, and another saying that Marius' music sucked. 

Angel sighed, thinking that he should've gotten a selfie with the band, to memorialize the show for himself if no one else. With that thought, he put his phone back in his locker and stripped down, changing into a g-string and heading out onto stage. 

He liked his job, for the most part. He enjoyed the freedom of being openly, luridly sexual in front of others. He enjoyed feeling like he had a power over the men who came into the club. It was a power he didn't really get elsewhere. Sure, he was tall and muscular for an Asian man, but in comparison to the average American, he was still short, and in the local gay scene he was expected to be a submissive little bottom. 

Not that there was anything wrong with being a bottom. He definitely was one. But he didn't appreciate the way he was expected to be a doormat for tops. 

When he was dancing, though, he held the power. And he loved that feeling. 

He didn't love when drunk guys tried to get handsy, though. And he didn't love having to pay to work the club, nor did he enjoy how unreliable the pay was. Some nights he could pull upwards of $600, others he struggled to get $100. Taking a Saturday off for the sake of a concert was an especially unwise move, since weekend nights were the best financially. 

He didn't really regret it, though. He was glad he'd gone to the show and had the opportunity to meet Demie. The singer occupied his mind the entire day, so much so that, after the club closed for the night and he got home, he pulled out his phone and dialed Demie's number, already saved to his contacts. 

The phone rang four times, and he was ready - albeit let down - to accept that Demie had given him a fake number when a female voice finally answered. 

"Hello?" She asked groggily. 

"Um… is Demie there?" He asked. 

"Who the fuck…" He could hear her say, though it sounded like she'd held the phone away from her. Her voice came back louder and asked, "Can I ask who's calling?" 

"This is Angel, Demie gave me this number after the show last night?" 

"Jesus fucking…" Her voice got muffled, but he could make out that she was shouting Demie's name. 

After shouting Demie's name twice, Angel could just barely make out Demie's voice shouting something back. 

"Phone! It's that guy from the show," Elaine shouted. There was some weird feedback, like she was rubbing the mouthpiece of the phone on her shirt, and then a clatter as the phone was handed over. 

"Hello?" Demie asked. 

"Hi, this is Angel. We met the other night." 

"Dude, it's like four in the morning." 

"Oh! Oh shit, you're right. Sorry, I work nights. I can call back later…" 

"Nah, it's cool, I was already up." 

Angel could hear Elaine shout something that sounded like 'I fucking wasn't.' Demie grumbled something and a few seconds later there was the sound of a door slamming shut. 

"What's up?" Demie asked. He made an 'oof' sound, like he was flopping down on a bed or chair. 

"What's your band's Instagram handle?" 

"Oh. We don't do that shit." 

"Seriously? What about Spotify? Or Bandcamp?" 

"What are those?" 

"You're kidding."

"Nope. Never heard of them." 

"Where do you sell your music, then?" 

"Uh… I've got some cassette tapes that we used to sell at shows. They're old stuff though, back when Mar was still in the band. Why, do you wanna buy one?" 

"Holy shit," Angel said with a laugh, tossing himself down on his futon. "What fucking decade did you walk out of?" 

"What? Tapes are cool. I don't know why anyone would want some e-file digital copy on their iPod or whatever when they could have a physical copy." 

"God, you sound like a hipster."

"I don't really know what that means but I'll take it as a compliment." 

There was a brief lapse in the conversation. Angel wasn't sure what to say. The more he found out about Demie, the more quaint he seemed. It was oddly endearing, knowing that there was no way Demie would've seen his Instagram. He never would've seen the airbrushed photos or the flirty stories or the pics of beautifully crafted breakfasts that he never actually ate because he had to maintain his abs for the sake of his job. 

In a world where everyone had to put their best self on display at all times for a digital audience, Demie had no expectations. He didn't see Angel-the-wannabe-micro-influencer. There was something beautifully vulnerable in that. 

"So what are you doing up at 4am?" Angel eventually asked. 

"Eh… I was writing some music. Haven't really done much since Mar moved out, but I dunno… I just kinda got this flash of inspiration. Just gotta see where it takes me, y'know?" 

"No, I get it. Back when I was in school, I just couldn't write essays during the day, somehow the words only came to me when I'd been up past midnight." 

"Hm. Yeah." 

"Can I ask what the song's about, or is it like… trade secret stuff?" 

"Yeah, no, it's cool. You ever heard of Orpheus?" 

"Oh, yeah. A friend of mine is in love with that one musical, what's it called? Hadestown?"

"Oh shit, they made a musical out of that? I thought it was just an album." 

"See, I didn't know it was an album first." 

"That's cool. So this song's more about the original myth…"

[propertyofnikkisthighs]

Sure Feels Right chapter 3

This shit is mild fluff and I can’t wait to get to the real fluffy stuff later on that I already have planned and written out for the fic. Anyway, enjoy!

Taglist: @hllywdwhre

2019

“Rook please I need fries or I’ll die.” Lux whined into his back. He was starting to think maybe he shouldn’t have kindly offered a piggyback ride to the hotel due to her constant shifting and whining into his shoulder.

“Look we’re walking into the hotel now.” Rook said exasperation evident in his voice. Lux drunk was cute, but goddamn could she win a whining competition when she got drunk hungry. Colson just snickered as he led the way inside. Asshole.

“Oh my god yes. Colson, Colson, please fries. Please” Lux all but moaned.

“I’m getting you fries now babe. They’ll be brought to the room I promise” He smiled and ruffled her hair a bit. She smiled a big dopey smile and tucked her face into the crook of Rook’s neck laughing.

“You guys I’m so drunk ugh” She said through her laughter and the boys joined her climbing into the elevator.

After she ate a small amount of the fries and offered up the rest to the boys, which they gladly ate up despite eating double of what she had consumed already, she made her way to the bathroom to change from her club clothes. Rook lent her some joggers since he was the shorter of the two and they wouldn’t be twice the size of her legs compared to Colson’s. They were still a little long on her, but that just added to their comfort level. Colson gave her an old tour shirt of his from when he toured with Limp Bizkit and it smelled just like him. She couldn’t help the blush that overcame her features as she looked at herself in the mirror. Stupid celebrity crush rearing it’s ugly head again. Stepping out of the bathroom she was hit with the undeniable smell of weed and looked to see Colson at the small corner “dining” room table rolling a joint.

“Ooh it’s like you read my mind!” Lux still was slurring a little bit and the last bit came out sort of jumbled.

“Still speaking in cursive I see.” Rook sniggered and she lightly slapped his shoulder before flopping on the bed.

“Ugh why do I always end up being the first drunk or the most drunk?” Lux pulled a pillow over her face.

“Well Colson is a giant so he needs more alcohol” Rook shrugged. And you’re ripped Lux added in her head and was glad the pillow was there to block how red her ears were after she thought that.

“Sit up so we can all sit on the bed drunk ass” Colson said tapping her foot. She scooted to the headboard and the boys sat on either side of her.

“Here I’ll let you have first dibs.” Colson said handing her the joint.

“Wow what a gentleman.” Rook mocked and Colson reached around Lux to smack Rook in the head. Rook tried to smack Colson back, but Lux quickly stopped him and handed him the joint.

“Hey!” Colson exclaimed “What the fuck?”

“You hit him so he gets next.” And there was no room to argue with her on that.

Colson turned on the t.v. and was pleasantly surprised to see Spongebob reruns on one of the channels after checking the guide. Him and Lux shared a love for Spongebob that they had bonded over on her first day working for them. She sighed contently and snuggled more into his side some. He told himself it was just so she could see the t.v. better and not because she was wanting to be closer to him. He couldn’t get his hopes up like that. She looked so cute in his shirt though was the thought that kept repeating in his head when he would steal glances at her. Rook yawned after a few episodes and went to get in the next bed, but Lux gripped his wrist.

“Stay.” She said tiredly, and stay he did.

When Lux woke up she noticed two things: 1. her face was pressed into someone’s back and 2. someone was holding her. Adjusting slightly she realized that  she was holding Colson around the waist and that was his back she had been pressing her face against. He had a death grip on her arm so there was no use in her trying to free herself. Rook was holding her loosely around the waist and she could feel his soft breaths on her neck. This isn’t weird, she tried to tell herself, you’ve cuddled with both boys before on the bus or sleeping during a layover. Always separately though, never together. Her breath stopped when she felt Colson stirring awake next to her.

Colson must have done something right recently, he was in heaven, Lux had taken to holding him at some point in the night and he was pretty sure that was the best he had slept all year. No scratch that. All his life maybe. He without thinking brought her hand up to his lips and softly kissed her fingers. A sharp breath from behind him caused his heart to stop and the blood drained from his face. Fuck she was awake.

“Good morning.” She said quietly squeezing his hand in her own. She seemed to be ignoring his momentary lack of judgement and he was ever grateful.

“Good morning” He replied with sleep still in his voice. He turned to face her and caught glimpse of Rook’s still sleeping face. He had forgotten that he was there. Okay, maybe this was a little weird.

2017

Kells: Hey will you stop by the dispensary? 🙏🏻

Lux: Didn’t I just go there for you earlier? 🙄

Kells: That was earlier. This is now 😈

Lux: You’re insane. 🤪

Kells: Do you get paid to shit talk? 🤣

Lux: That’s actually exactly what  Ashleigh pays me to do 😜

Kells: You’re so sassy I stg. Please? 🥺

Lux: ….Fine. What do you want? 🤦🏽‍♀️

Colson chuckled at the text exchange between the two. Lux had only been Ash’s assistant for a few months, but she was already fitting in with the group. He specifically started to really like her when he caught her dancing to one of his songs when she thought no one was home.

“So is she gonna go?” Rook asked flopping on the couch next to him.

“Yeah I convinced her” He gave Rook a shit eating grin. He would never admit it, but he was spoiled.

“Dude hell yeah. She’s the coolest assistant that Ash has ever had.” Rook commented while channel surfing.

“I think she was a fan before getting the job” Colson mused “I’m ninety-nine percent sure she listens to our music regularly.”

“Hmm...we could totally steal her phone and check her music apps.” Rook had a mischevious look in his eye and Colson never turned down chaos.

“Okay. How do we do it?”

      Lux pulled up to the huge house and started to unload her car, but between alcohol, food, and literal pounds of weed they had her go get for their party tonight she was exhausted and couldn’t carry much. She hoped they were home so they could help her carry things inside. She opened the door and called out, but was met with silence. Fuck. She set her purse and the few things she had grabbed on the counter and walked back out to her car rolling her eyes. These guys better be appreciative of all this shit she was doing for them.

The boys heard the front door shut and peeled around the corner quickly and checked her purse to see if her phone was in there. Whisper shouting when he located it, Colson motioned with his head to run upstairs and both boys were after it. They took the stairs two at a time and safely made it into Colson’s room and were catching their breath when they heard the door open and shut again. Colson could hear his heart beat in his ears and could have sworn she would be able to hear it through the floorboards. The door opened and shut again and he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Dude how does she not have a password?” Rook whispered harshly. “I mean that makes this easier, but damn who doesn’t have a password on their phone at this point.”

Colson chuckled looking at the now unlocked phone and saw her background was a picture of him on stage. Why did that make him feel warm? Rook had to stop the laughter bubbling in his chest as he saw the picture.

“Yup she’s a fan” He whispered to Colson.

He noticed in her notification bar at the top she hadn’t opened his last message and his name was saved as Kells in her phone. That made him frown. She still wasn’t calling him Colson and he didn’t understand that. Were they not friends?

“I still want to check out what she listens to” Colson said opening her folder labled “Music”. She had Spotify, Apple Music, and Pandora. He looked through her Apple Music and saw it was mostly older music like The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, and The Eagles. He had to smile at that, she had organized her music apps. Pandora had some heavier stuff like Metallica, Motley Crue, and Ozzy Osborne. Spotify seemed to be her designated modern music app with multiple playlists of artists like Halsey, Migos, and of course him. He liked her playlist names on Spotify, but when he saw the playlist name for his music was “My Future (EX)Husband” he knew it was a done deal and she was officially part of the group. Satisfied he waited till he heard her walk out again and then ran down the stairs to return her phone to her purse and took off up the stairs again. Him and Rook waited for a few minutes of hearing her put things away for them to come down the stairs.

“You guys were here the whole time?!” Lux says tossing her hands in the air. “Didn’t you hear me? I needed help!”

“Sorry we were playing Call of Duty. We didn’t hear you.” Rook lied easily slipping into step with her to help put things away.

“You two are ridiculous do you know that?” Lux said while shaking her head.

“Whatever” Colson laughed and ruffled her hair giving her a teasing smirk.

[charmingpplincardigans]

m ANYWAY please tell me your top five favorite new songs that you've discovered in the past year-ish?

Oh man, this is probably going to be boring because I’ve for sure posted all of these over the year, but it’s what I’ve got! I feel like I’ve gotten very bad at finding new music. These days I mostly let Spotify rec me things, or I pick up on something in a movie or recced by a person I trust and then just claim it as my own. Maybe I should make one of my new year resolutions to make a more concerted effort to find new music.

 Anyway, here are some songs, which are not new! And some whys, which might be!

I Need Never Get Old – Nathaniel Rateliff & the Shapeshifters

I think this is one of the ones that Spotify recced me. I sometimes just put on Roots Rock or Southern Gothic playlists in the background if I’m feeling aimless (a habit I picked up when I was living in Massachusetts and missing the South) and then Spotify will pick up on that general vibe and spiral out from there. Which, I guess is the whole point of it. You don’t need me to explain that. Anyway! This came from there and it is A JAM. Like, talk about a barnstormer. This shakes the whole damn house. There are ways in which it reminds me of the Three Dog Night and Blood, Sweat, and Tears albums I grew up with, and also ways in which it is thoroughly modern in sensibility. Also it just makes me want to MOVE.

This ended up on the Summer in Ascenvallee playlist, which is the playlist I made to go with the Steampunk novel I work on off and on with a friend. But of course, it also got attached to Crowley in my head, because everything gets attached to Crowley these days.

I needed to tryNeeded to fallI needed your love I’m burning awayI need never get old

Let This Remain – Alana Henderson

I think I found this the same way I found the previous song, but on the first listen I identified it so strongly with one of the characters in the Steampunk that I immediately just started playing it on a loop. (Because let’s be real, also, cello. I’m so weak for them!) The character, Amelia, is a young woman growing up in a time just before huge change and she’s sort of struggling with the future she wants for herself and her country. She had been betrothed to a young man she grew up with. And she does love him, but she’s not in love with him, so at the point where the story picks up she’s acting this out by being a bit of a gadfly and hanging out with bad influences and falling in love with the owner of the opera house who grew up In Society but is in a bit of disgrace for his choices. She’s uh, got some decisions to make about which parts of herself she takes with her and which parts she lets die in the inevitable fire.

But you could be the only one I don’t regret yetBe the only one I don’t regret yetAnd even if we don’tThe idea and the will just grow into a greater wantAnd it will manifest in waysLet tonight be a stutter midst the eloquence of days

Jenny – Erin McKeown (The Mountain Goats cover)

So, confession, outside of my tradition of singing This Year with @anachronistique every New Years (very poorly, on my end, Naomi sings fine), I’ve never really listened to The Mountain Goats. I knew of them, and I’d always hear a song here or there and think ‘ah yeah, I get the devotion’, but I never let myself fall into it. You know what I will let myself fall into though? A podcast about how creative work gets done. So I started listening to I Only Listen to the Mountain Goats even though I do not, in fact, even sporadically listen to The Mountain Goats.

Friends, it’s a Real Good Podcast. The first season is more structured than the second, and in that first season they had folks do covers of every song off All Hail West Texas and well, I fell in love with this one. It’s such a vivid slice of that character’s life. It’s fun to sing while speeding down the highway with your windows down imagining you are on the back of a motorcycle with your girl. Also, Erin McKeown’s voice is downright lovely and even though I’d never heard of her before I now also listen to her stuff all the time. Do recommend!

I hopped on the back of the bikeWrapped my arms around youAnd I sank my face into your hairAnd then I inhaled as deeply as I possibly couldYou were as sweet and delicious as the warm desert airAnd you pointed your headlamp toward the horizonWe were the one thing in the galaxyGod didn’t have his eyes on

Meticulous Bird – Thao & the Get Down Stay Down

I have also been sleeping on Thao Nguyen, but like, YOU GUYS. SHE’S GREAT. EVERY ONE OF THESE ALBUMS IS SOLID. I’M SORRY I’M SO SLOW. A couple months ago I was bored and looking for something to listen to while brushing my teeth, so I queued up a few episodes of Song Exploder for unfamiliar artists and the ep for “Astonished Man” was one of them. The song is about her estranged father, so I could relate to the difficult relationship there, but also it just has a sound I really respond to. It’s a little pop, a little dirty in the mix, a little electronic, a nice solid bass line. Anyway, from there I realized that I’d been hearing “Holy Roller” all over the place lately and then I just listened to only her for like, three days.

This song in particular has been attached to some of the Apres Moi Le Deluge characters in my head. Most importantly Ana, who is supposed to be a cleaned consciousness that was placed into an android body to be used as a thief by some Not Great Guys, but because she’s been rebooted more than the other consciousnesses—who are usually just tossed away after tbh—she’s starting to crack and remember her life from before. She starts the novel in opposition to our protagonists, but teams up with them pretty quick when she finds out the scope of what’s been done to her.

I, I resent the inventionListen, listen pay attentionI know the science of the fictionOf conviction of the henchmenI am here for the mastermindsThey told us that you sold usOh my oh my oh my godWe didn’t know you’d get ferocious

Manifest - Andrew Bird

Look, I don’t know if this latest album is actually Andrew’s finest work yet, but it’s pretty good. I love Andrew Bird’s music a great deal, have done since I experienced the Sonic Arboretum showing at the ICA, which is the extent of the importance for this one. Some days you just need a fiddle and a story. Or a fiddle and a canyon. One of the two.

I can hear your tendrils still diggingFor everything that’s walked this Earth once livingThen to be exhumed and burned to vaporCan you save her?Now she’s in the airRadical and freeNeither here nor thereShe’s obliged to no one 

Uh, and those are some songs! I hope someone gets a dance out of one of them. Or enjoys my rambling. Or something!

[Send me a sleepover ask.]

[celtfather]

Edge of the World #448

Let’s walk to the edge of the world on the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast… Well, I say walk there... But since the world is round. You can’t ACTUALLY walk there.

Stringer's Ridge, Neil Anderson, An Lar, Samantha Gillogly/Tim Maurice, The Flailing Shilaleighs, Avourneen, Kyle Gryphon, The Rowan Tree, Eamonn Flynn, The Irish Rovers, Brave the Sea, The Gartloney Rats, Jiggy, Jim Sharkey

I hope you enjoyed this week's show. If you did, please share the show with ONE friend.

The Irish & Celtic Music Podcast is here to build our community and help the incredible artists who so generously share their music with you. If you hear music you love, buy the albums, shirts, and songbooks, follow the artists on Spotify, see their shows, and drop them an email to let them know you heard them on the Irish and Celtic Music Podcast.

Remember also to Subscribe to the Celtic Music Magazine. Every week, you will get a few cool bits of Celtic music news. It's a quick and easy way to plug yourself into more great Celtic culture. Plus, you'll get 34 Celtic MP3s for Free, just for signing up today.

VOTE IN THE CELTIC TOP 20 This is our way of finding the best songs and artists each year. Just list the show number, and the name of as many bands in the episode as you like. Your vote helps me create next year's Best Celtic music of 2020 episode.  Vote Now!

THIS WEEK IN CELTIC MUSIC

0:04 - "Bus Stop Reel/Greasy Coat" by Stringer's Ridge from Handmade

4:07 - WELCOME

4:57 - "Flastone Reels" by Neil Anderson from Rathkeltair & Friends CPR

8:25 - "Wreckers" by An Lar from Deception

12:12 - "The Beauties Of Autumn/The Road To Lisdoonvarna/Morrison's Jig" by Samantha Gillogly/Tim Maurice from Celtic Chamber Music

18:10 - "I Only Drink Upon The Days That End In D-A-Y" by The Flailing Shilaleighs from Yours to Discover

21:23 - CELTIC FEEDBACK

23:57 - "Banks of the Liffey" by Avourneen from Sparrow

26:33 - "Trout Lure" by Kyle Gryphon from Isolation

30:05 - "Am I Born to Die" by The Rowan Tree from Kolar's Gold

35:04 - "Bruach na Carraige Báine - Falling Off The Edge Of The World" by Eamonn Flynn from Black Coddle

39:39 - CELTIC PODCAST NEWS

41:22 - "Brady of Strabane" by The Irish Rovers from The Unicorn, The Continuing Story

43:44 - "Lost at Sea" by Brave the Sea from A Pirate's Life

47:02 - "The Landlord's Walk" by The Gartloney Rats from Some Drunken Nights (Irish Music Buried Treasures)

51:24 - "Road to Errogie" by Jiggy from Hypernova

56:13 - CLOSING

57:12 - "My Home in Roscommon" by Jim Sharkey from A Lovely Day

The Irish & Celtic Music Podcast was edited by Mitchell Petersen with Graphics by Miranda Nelson Designs. The show was produced by Marc Gunn, The Celtfather. To subscribe, go to Apple Podcasts or to our website where you can become a Patron of the Podcast for as little as $1 per episode. Promote Celtic culture through music at http://celticmusicpodcast.com/.

  CELTIC PODCAST NEWS

* Helping you celebrate Celtic culture through music. My name is Marc Gunn. I am a Celtic musician and podcaster. This show is dedicated to the indie Celtic musicians. Please support these artists. Share the show with your friends. And find more episodes at celticmusicpodcast.com. You can also support this podcast on Patreon.

The 2020 Celtic Tree of Life T-Shirts are now on sale in our store. Head on over and wear your support for the Irish & Celtic Music Podcast.

TRAVEL WITH CELTIC INVASION VACATIONS Every year, I take a small group of Celtic music fans on the relaxing adventure of a lifetime. We don't see everything. Instead, we stay in one area. We get to know the region through its culture, history, and legends. You can join us with an auditory and visual adventure through podcasts and videos. Learn more about the invasion at http://celticinvasion.com/

THANK YOU PATRONS OF THE PODCAST! Because of Your kind and generous support, this show comes out every week. Your generosity funds the creation, promotion and production of the show. It allows us to attract new listeners and to help our community grow.

As a patron, you get to hear episodes before regular listeners. When we hit a milestone, you get an extra-long episode. You can pledge a dollar or more per episode and cap how much you want to spend each month over on Patreon.

I want to thank our newest Patrons: Jacob, MUSIC IN 2FLAVORS, Ed H., Olivia R, Kelen P, Rachel L, Samantha M, Steve B, Jackson A, Roger B, Todd G

You can become a generous Patron of the Podcast on Patreon at SongHenge.com.

  I WANT YOUR FEEDBACK

What are you doing today while listening to the podcast? You can send a written comment along with a picture of what you're doing while listening. Email a voicemail message to celticpodcast@gmail.com

Jordan Reeder emailed photos: "Hey Celt father, just saying how much this podcast makes my day! I love hearing all the great music! I am often high up on ladders painting houses while listening but today I am working on remodeling my living room! Keep those tunes rolling! Thanks again for what you do!"

  Wesley Combs emailed: "Working my way through one of my final Fridays at my corporate desk job before moving back to the mountains of Southwest Virginia and returning to the family business.

I just found the podcast this week and I am really enjoying it! I’ve been diving into Celtic music after Ancestry.com helped me track my heritage back to Scotland in the 1700s. The Southwest Virginia region was a popular place for Scots-Irish to settle because it reminded them of home. In fact my home town is named “Dublin”. Thanks!"

Tom Cochran emailed a photo: "Hi Mark, Listening to show #442 while printing invitations to our upcoming Burns Night Dinner. We have hosted this in our community for 15 years now and it has grown from 10 people in our living room to 50 or so in a local hall. We invite friends, some whom are musicians or actors to participate by reciting Robert Burns poetry or singing songs. Some sing other Scottish or Irish songs or present their own songs poetry. It’s also a pot luck with lot’s of great food ( I provide the haggis.) and drink. There’s dancing and laughing and a wonderful sense of community. I know Burns Nights come in various forms from very serious to very silly but I recommend that everyone should experience one.

They usually happen around his birthday, January 25 and they happen around the world so you can usually find one nearby.

On a different topic, you read a letter on the show by a lady who attended a Highland Games. She was asking what the event was where the hay stuffed bag was thrown with the pitch fork. It’s called the Sheath Toss.

Thanks again for all you do to promote Celtic culture."

Check out this episode!

[homehearthandheart]

Music Monday / 22 October 2018

Welcome, Devotees!

Is your devotional work just the same old song? Try one of the following:

Ancestor Work: Is there a particular song, musical artist, or genre one of your beloved Ancestors really enjoyed? Take some time to listen to that music today. You might even play it over speakers and say “hello” to that ancestor. Think about how that music might have helped your ancestor get through difficult times in their life.

Build Others Up: If you have a friend or family member who shares your beliefs, or talks about their own beliefs with you, find a song that reminds you of one of their Gods or Spirits. Share the song with them. Listen to what they say about that song.

Shrine Improvement: Do you have a way to play songs at your shrine? If you don’t, look into making a system for it. Small, portable speakers are often sturdy and inexpensive, and most phones have access to apps like Spotify, Pandora, and YouTube if you want to play music directly from your phone.

Today in the Hellenic Calendar:

Today is the 13th of the lunar month. Some ancient and modern groups associate the 13th of the lunar month with Dionysos; Drew Campbell associates the 3rd, 13th, and 23rd of the lunar month with Athene.

It is also the final day of the Thesmophoria—see below for more details!

If you like incorporating daily hymns into your prayers, Drew Campbell recommends the following prayers for today: To Athene; To Nike (Victory).

Kalà Thesmophória! (Happy Thesmophoria!)

In the Attic (Athenian) calendar, these days mark the Thesmophoria, an agricultural festival to Demeter as mother of Persephone and nurturer of grain.

This festival had a strong women-only component, as it celebrated the uniquely female mother-daughter relationship between Demeter and Persephone. In particular, it highlighted the end of Demeter’s mourning for her lost daughter. According to the stories, during Demeter’s grief, no crops would grow, and people began to starve; it was only after Demeter’s servant Iambe (or Baubo) cheered her up that Demeter was able to let go of her suffering and help nurture crops again.

Bonus points: the way Baubo/Iambe cheered Demeter up was through crude, lewd humor, including showing her genitals to the Goddess. Nothing like a surprise vulva to lighten the mood, I guess!

During this festival, women isolated themselves from men and gathered together on the Akropolis in Athens to fast, to live in a less modern style (including sitting on mats woven from branches), and to make offerings to Demeter. For those participating in the festival, there were a few ritual taboos: no sexual relations, no garlands worn on their heads (as would be the custom for other festivals), no partaking of food that was taboo to Demeter’s cultus.

Additionally, they offered a strange sacrifice to Demeter: the decaying carcasses of piglets that had been tossed into a chasm near the Akropolis earlier in the year, during the Skirophoria. These carcasses had been retreived during the Stenia, and now were to be offered to the Goddess; afterwards, they would be mixed with some of the grain to be sown in the fields, thereby ensuring the Goddess’ blessing on the new agricultural cycle. (After all, in Hellas, autumn was the time to sow crops so they could overwinter; the hot, dry summers were the “dead” time of year.)

The purposes of these days’ festivities are to re-enact the mourning of Demeter, and then to cheer Her up so She can take care of the crops again, with a direct connection between the Goddess, the dead piglets, and the grain. Powerful stuff!

(More bonus points: the Greek word for “piglet” was used as slang term for female genitalia. Nothing like a surprise vulva to—oh, you get the point.)

Since this festival took place at a specific point in Hellas’ agricultural festival–the start of the sowing season–don’t feel like you HAVE to celebrate this festival, or like you have to celebrate this festival at this point in the year. Try celebrating it:

If you have a particularly close devotional relationship with Demeter and/or Persephone.

If your agricultural cycle matches up with Hellas’–search online to see what’s growing and being harvested in your area!

If you live in an area that relies heavily on agriculture, and want to help ensure the fecundity and safety of the crops this year.

Daily Reminder: If you know of any resources you’d like us to incorporate on our site, or any sites/projects you’d like us to signal boost, send us an ask or fanmail!

[coastofnebraska]

After @uttervogonity showed me a rad playlist about Icarus, I thought it would be cool to make some playlists myself. I had the stray thought of making one about Sisyphus, since he seems to be important to modern, overworked people. The mythic Sisyphus had to push a boulder up a hill in the underworld only for it to fall down every time. Despite this, all he can do is try to push that boulder up again.

I tried to incorporate these themes with lyrics, but sometimes it’s just an impressionistic idea. There’s rock and underworld imagery and other times there’s abstract feelings. Funnily enough, my two favorite picks on this list are from Nebraska artists (Simon Joyner and Tim Kasher). Below is the song list and some lyrics that inspired me to put them on the list. Enjoy!

1) The Well of Loneliness: McCarthy

“I once thought fame and romance could drag me out of hell

But they have only chained me here, in a lifelike prison cell”

2) Target: Simon Joyner

“It’s not difficult to picture

seven long and unlucky years

Those cement bones sure hide

Some shaky nerves”

3) Five Ten Fiftyfold: Cocteau Twins

“By taking it forward

It went gushing gust wind

Five ten fiftyfold

Five ten fiftyfold”

4) Shaking Through: R.E.M

“Could it be that one small voice doesn't count in the room?

Yellow like a geisha gown denial all the way

Could this by three be ten? Honor marches on.

Yellow like a geisha gown denial all the way”

5) Snow Crush Killing Song: The Mountain Goats

“I know you're changing

Damn you

I know you're changing

Goddamn you for that”

6) Dreams Burn Down: Ride

“Waiting, hoping for a sign

That what's forbidden can be mine

I just want what I can't have

'Til my dreams burn down and choke me every time”

7) Gravel Bed: Codeine

“Once stood on a shore so grand

Slept in a gravely bed

In a kingdom so pure

In a kingdom so pure”

8) I’m Afraid I’m Gonna Die Here: Tim Kasher

“So, I'll write another chapter, I mean, it's all I can do.

And if my body's tossed along the craggy rocks

I hope this book is waterproof”

[thesoundthread-blog]

BEST  MUSIC OF JANUARY

With streaming making listening to music so easy and so many artists dropping readily available music every week, it’s sometimes overwhelming. 

That’s what we’re here for. The boys of The Sound Thread will compile a top ten list for you each month with our favourite tracks. We may not always agree, but we will always provide you with quality music. Enjoy our first playlist and Download it directly to your phone below:

Spotify: 

https://open.spotify.com/user/12160583826/playlist/03XVCDQK4Y3WvVqQERMlzT

Apple Music:

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/playlist/sound-thread-january-2017/idpl.65ac9c30dcc44b72b80225987fb51834

Here is our list for the month of January. Let us know what you think!

Agree? Disagree? What would you add or take out?

10. Castle On The Hill - Ed Sheeran

Jeremy: I’ve always been a big Ed Sheeran fan. I feel like he is one of the few guys in the acoustic genre who is blurring boundaries and pushing music forward. He isn’t afraid to be himself and he is definitely not afraid to experiment. On this tune Ed takes you back to his childhood and gives you memories that after listening to this song, you may even feel like you lived yourself. This song is perfect for listening to on a plane ride back home or to make you think of all of the awful life shaping mistakes you made in the 9th grade.

Jared: It is so great to hear from Ed again after his romantically induced hiatus. Out of his two new releases I definitely prefer Castle On The Hill, as it is less pop influenced and more closely resembles some of my favourite songs from him. The line “Singing to Tiny Dancer” also really hits home with me as I can picture myself on numerous occasions screaming Elton John lyrics while driving.

9. Undercover - Kehlani

Jonny: I’m gonna be honest, Kehlani was on my bad side when she cheated on Kyrie Irving. Dude gets buuuuuuuuckets. Anyways, it was hard to stay mad at her after listening to her new album “SweetSexySavage”. Undercover is just the stand out song, there are 3-4 songs that could've easily made this list but Julian is a douchebag so we had to limit it to one. This song takes a page from Akon as it samples the 2006 hit “Don’t Matter”. Do yourself a favour and listen to this album, you will go through the entire emotional spectrum.

Julian: Cheated on Kyrie… WHACK

Jeremy: Okay, so even though this song is only at number 9, this is the most controversial song on the playlist. Jonny and I had to fight pretty hard to get this one on the list at all. You can be the judge after listening to it for yourself, but I think this is forsure one of Kehlani’s best songs overall and one of the best songs off of her (in my opinion) incredible album. Here is where my Bias may be coming in. The song that she samples is “Don’t Matter” by Akon and “Don’t Matter” by Akon was like my theme song in grade 10 when I was dating my sister’s friend because “they didn’t want to see us together - but it don’t matter no cause I got you.” So I may just be getting over-emotional. “One way or another, I’mma” make sure this song gets the love it deserves. Sorry fellas.

Jared: Worst song on the list. Akon is cool though. 8. Tempted - Jazz Cartier

Jonny: I’m getting this out of the way quickly, THIS IS NOT PARTYNEXTDOOR. But if you like PND, Jazz’s style is similar and is also from Toronto. Although this is a love song it also hits hard. Hopefully this jam becoming a consistent go-to track in clubs across Canada. I could easily see myself getting curved multiple times while this song is playing. Can't wait. :)

Jared: Over the past couple years Jazz Cartier, or as he sometimes goes by “Jacuzzi Cartier” has gained clout throughout rap scene. The Toronto artist has made it own his own without a cosign from Drake and has caught the eye of many, ironically including Young Money superstar Lil Wayne. His new track “Tempted” is an absolute banger and is sure to set the tone in any situation that involves getting fired up. 7. Drew Barrymore - SZA

Jonny: This song has nothing to do with Drew Barrymore. Despite the confusion it was my most played song this month for this playlist. Her lyrics: “Somebody get the tacos / Somebody get spark the blunt / Let’s start the night of at episode one.” sounds like a damn good night to me. Taking netflix and chill to a whole new level. Kendrick Lamar found a diamond in the rough in SZA and his a huge addition to the TDE family.

Jared: I have yet to figure out why this song is titled “Drew Barrymore”. Regardless, the track by TDE’s first lady is one of my favourite releases from her thus far. Since seeing SZA perform live at Squamish Valley Music Festival in 2015 while she was sporting a retro Vancouver Grizzlies jersey as if it were a dress, I have been a fan. Although the lyrical content of this song is actually quite depressing, I still enjoy hearing from SZA and am excited for her new project. 6. Saved - Khalid

Julian: My opinion, Khalid has one of the most refreshing voices in the music industry right now. “Saved” has the same ingredients of greatness that has worked on his other singles like “Location.” The song features lyrics that tell a story and an instrumental that is a pleasant change of pace from trap/bass driven tracks lately.

Jared: As of recently I have been religiously listening to Khalid on a day-to-day basis. Although the 18 year old from Texas has only released a handful of songs, he has an extremely bright future ahead of him, in my opinion. His voice is diverse in the sense that each one of his songs gives a different vibe and has appeal for different situations. In this track he discusses how he is still not over his ex and how down that makes him feel, while in other songs such as “Let’s Go” the approach he takes is more positive and results in completely different song. With this track dropping and the announcement of his album (coming March 3rd) it is safe to say that I’m excited about this young talent’s presence on the music scene. 5. Sideline Number – Russ

Julian: While I will probably never relate to Russ's problem of needing another phone number to deal with the group of women who want to have sex with him, I still really enjoyed this song. Out of all the songs released this month I actually think i've listened to this the most. I have no idea why I like this song as much as I do, but it's incredibly catchy. After a few listens you'll be singing along to the chorus every time.

Jeremy: I don’t think there is anyone putting out quality music as frequently as Russ. The guy basically drops a hit record every two weeks. If you’re still sleeping on Russ then you should probably wake up. And if he’s not hitting you back then you may have his wrong phone, try getting his #2 line. 4. Moving on and Getting Over – John Mayer

Julian: What a tune. The vibes on this track are just so happy and bubbly. The outro with 1:15 left in this song could be played at the end of any romantic comedy movie. Every time I listen to it I just picture a scene where Joseph Gorden Levitt – while smiling, crumbles up a picture of his ex and subtly tosses it over his shoulder while walking in public (but deep down inside he’s not actually over her). I love how it sounds like an outro song, HOWEVER, it’s the intro to his EP and it sets the tone perfectly

Jeremy:  John Mayer can have sexual relations with my girlfriend and he may even convince me it was for the best. I think Julian put it best below, but there is nothing that this man cannot get away with after making such beautiful music. He has an angelic voice that comes around once in a lifetime and the guitar picking skills mixed with songwriting that can make a bird with a broken wing fly.. No correction * soar * once again. Love this EP - but I’m not actually in love with John Mayer. I just really really like him.

Jared: The part in the middle of this song where he hits those high notes is bananas!!!! #MayerSZN is in full effect baby. 3. No One Knows Me (Like My Piano) - Sampha

Julian: If you don’t know who “Sampha” is, let me help you… “DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH TOO MUCH, THERE’S NO REASON TO RUSH IT THROOOoOoOough”Yes. That was him on drake’s “too much,” which you’ve probably botched singing at the top of your lungs in your car. This song is just as emotional as that chorus, however instead of him singing gut-wrenchingly about a lover, he is singing about his piano. I haven’t heard and artist sing this emotionally about an object since Queen’s “Bicycle.” To be honest it doesn’t matter what Sampha sings about because his chillingly voice will keep me listening to every song he releases (listen to “Timmy’s Prayer). If you’re looking for a new artist please give him a listen, and add this song to your chill playlist on spotify/apple music.

Jonny: I can’t really express my feelings towards this song more than Julian did. I don’t even own a piano but I can relate to this through my Rock Band 2 drum set. Countless hours of emotion, passion and dedication with an object can become a huge part of your life and when you’re separated from it you just don’t know what to do with yourself. Sampha creates a masterpiece here where you wish you didn’t take things for granted throughout your life. Watch out for him to be a serious threat in the music game for years to come.

Jeremy: My mother does own a grand piano. I have spent some serious hours there. For me to say that no one or no thing knows like that piano would be a flat out lie. However, when Sampha says it, I believe it. I’m almost certain that he had to get a new piano after writing this song because of all of the tears that are left on every key. Listen to this song while driving alone at your own risk and make sure to call your family members and ex girlfriends after this to thank them for getting you to where you’re at today. Good call on the Bicycle reference Julian. Migos and Sampha > The Beatles and Queen.

Jared: Although I had not been listening to Sampha since his feature on Drake’s 2013 hit “Too Much”, it was a delight to hear this beautiful voice again. Considering the instrument I have invested the most time into was the recorder throughout elementary school, I cannot relate to the bond Sampha has with the piano at his mother’s home, nonetheless after hearing this song it was an obvious pick for my list. If Sampha continues to release tracks such as this one, I believe he will gain much more recognition and break the label of “that guy on that Drake song”, which he is given by many people (including myself).

2. T-Shirt - Migos

Julian: Seriously at this point forget Jordan, Pippen and Rodman, the Migos are the most iconic trio of all time. When it's all said and done the Migos will have more hits than the Beatles, and they'll have done it with one less member. All it takes is one listen of this song to have the chorus stuck in your head. The song has a very different vibe to it than other Migos tracks that are very bass heavy and full of interjections and ad-libs. If you take over the aux cord at a house party in the next few months, you have to open with this song.

Jonny: MIGOS CAN NOT LOSE. The group really found their groove on their latest album “Culture”. Easily the best album of 2017 so far in my opinion. My favourite part of this song is Quavo’s extremely catchy hook and subtly saying “Oooooouuuuu” and “Uhhhhhhh” under Takeoff and Offset’s verse’s respectively. If you didn’t think this song could get any better, watch the music video. By far one of the most hilarious things I have ever viewed.

Jeremy:  Now although my mamma never told me not to sell work, it was extremely implied in my suburban upbringing. Sentiments like “don’t do drugs” and “stay away from the bad crowd” still ring in my head when I pass by dark corners. However, if I had listened to this song back in the day, you best believe I would be running every block in the city in my white t-shirt. This song is just so hypnotic that it almost feels like you’re in a trance that could take you back to the middle ages where Quavo is the king of the land and the bass is the wake up call for the town every morning. Or maybe that’s just me.

Jared: STRAIGHT OUT NORTH ATLANTA!!!! As of recently the three boys from Georgia known as the “Migos” have been untouchable. Following the release of their platinum single “Bad And Boujee” Quavo, Takeoff and Offset have been dropping fire left and right. Although there are countless things to say about the Migos, one thing that has always stood out to me has been their use of ad-libs, and at this point I feel as though they have perfected the profound art. The combination of the trifecta’s ad-lib use and melodic flows resulted in the song “T-Shirt”, which in our opinion is one of the best songs to release in January. 1. You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me - John Mayer

Julian: Wow, what can I say about John Mayer’s new EP that hasn’t already been said about the movie “UP.” It had me crying five minutes in, and I told everyone to check it out without giving them a fair warning. I didn’t know how much I needed this song in my life till I heard it. The whistling in the track takes me back to Disney’s “Robin Hood”, and the lyrics took me back to my first break up. If John Mayer cheats on you, all he has to do is play a guitar riff and you’ll be the one apologizing. This is easily the standout track from my favourite project of the month, can’t wait for wave two of his album.

Jonny: Similar to Julian, I was instantly in tears when listening to John Mayer’s new EP, AND THIS IS ONLY PART 1 OF THE ALBUM!! MORE TO COME!!! I couldn’t help but feeling you would hear this track at the end of a Toy Story movie. Imagine this song playing, Woody holding Buzz Lightyear in his arms while he is slowing dying. My heart is shattering just thinking about it. The lyrics to this song are incredible and the whistling behind them is just the icing on the cake for the best song of the month.

Jeremy: It’s 5:00 am. I decide to listen to the new John Mayer. It seemed like a good idea. This song starts playing and I start getting flash-backs of every single girl I’ve dated since I was in middle school. Did I hurt them? Or maybe they hurt me? Either way the memories are overwhelming and I feel the need to text all of them. I group DM my exes - tell them they belong to me that goes on for forever. None of them respond. I’m left with tears and shattered dreams of relationships past. That being said, this song was my favorite experience of the month. John is a legend.

Jared: Do not listen to this song if you don’t want to cry!!! All I can say is that Mr. Mayer snapped on this track. Having been a fan of John Mayer for the last few years, I can honestly say this new EP is up to par with some of his best work. As Julian and Jonny mentioned, this song will make you feel as if you’re a character in Disney’s newest movie. You’re a bad person if you don’t like this song.

Honourable Mentions

Jonny: Running Back - Wale Feat. Lil Wayne

I know what all of you are thinking, Wale? Dude has been struggling since LeBron took his talents to South Beach (remember when all of you conveniently turned Heat fans that year?). I’m gonna be honest, I hated this song the first time I listened to it. But one night I was playing vids with my buddy Steve and he started mumbling the lyrics to this song so I’d thought to give it another listen, and it instantly got stuck in my head. In addition to that, I will take a verse from Weezy F Baby, good or bad, any day of the week. In the opening of his verse he spits: “These bitches sellin they souls / well I want my money back”, which cracked me up. Wale was one of my favourite artists in high school but his last project co-produced by Jerry Seinfeld entitled “The Album About Nothing”, didn’t work out as well as hoped, even though it was a clever idea. This song is a good step forward for Wale to get back to his roots.

Julian: Kelly Price - Migos Feat. Travis Scott

Don’t @ me, this song is an all time banger even though the other guys didn’t agree (these are the same guys who bump Ed Sheeran and Kehlani though). I will say I could easily of picked “Call Casting” as my honourable mention for the month because it’s impossible not to shout out every ad lib and interjection (BEAT IT UP) (EAT IT UP) (YEAH). While I felt this album was half 10/10 songs and half 6/10 songs I definitely feel like Kelly Price is the standout track for me - next to Bad & Boujee (the song of our generation). Travis Scott keeps impressing me more and more every year, just like the Migos.

Jeremy: All Year - Problem

I never really thought about listening to Problem. I don’t know why. But after seeing how cool he was in person I decided to give his music a real chance. And I don’t regret a thing. This song is an absolute BANGER. And after listening to it, you’ll really be questioning why you hadn’t heard it before. I think it’s a fitting way to start 2017. Thankfully Drake didn’t drop this month because we probably all would have had to put one song each from More Life as an honourable mention.

Jared: Electric (feat. Khalid)- Alina Baraz

Honestly the only reason I found out about this song is because of the Khalid feature, but nonetheless the collab between the two singers makes for one hell of a track. Something that really stands out to me about this song is the beat change ups throughout the song, specifically when Khalid starts to sing. This track is sure to take you on a rollercoaster of emotions and is one of my favourites from January.