#i want to talk about this so much so everyone add my on discord or msg me in IMs thanks
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i know i know, i'll give my first chapter review of z:bdth!! personals leave me alone i do NOT fuck with u.
review: its good. 10/10 (no one expected anything less).
now my silly little thoughts:
it opens with with zatanna being ridiculed for messing up a ball-disappearing trick, then promptly going to her father for some advice on real magic. zatanna's backstory has never been heavily consistent, even in her early origin days, so to see an actual scene where she's younger and doing her own actions.. it's different than the regular flashbacks we've been getting with her that just exist as a sort of "here's how magic works" to the general audience.
this page above is SOO GOOD i'll be thinking about it for the rest of my life. the colors, the shapes, the poses for both young zee & her father.. i'm glad they're bringing attention to their relationship prior to magic teaching, because it creates a distance between them that we don't see a lot, but i consider all the time. zatanna's most remarkable teacher was her father, yes, but zatanna had way more years of self-teaching than being a mentee to someone else. giovanni had never wanted to teach her anything beyond a few simple spells, and for a man who spent his life fighting supernatural horrors and threats i don't blame the fact he didn't want his daughter going into the world-- even though it's apparent they're both consumed by it already. the magical tomes, books, the obscure objects (floating or not), typical assistant bunnies. smthn smthn a visual clash of the two types of magicians we see in the room. giovanni's face is shadowed in, he's mysterious and direct, if not somewhat dismissive: "you said you'd teach me magic..." "did i?"
this could be read as not dismissive as well, since in the next scene she does use magic. so maybe he indulged her. but the spell was definitely not what she asked for and looks way more like a strong desire that developed into a spellcast out of emotion alone. maybe she grabbed one of his books when he wasn't looking, or we can go a different route and assume giovanni did teach her that spell, a backwards lesson of the difference between parlor tricks and real magic. he's always written as very coddling of zatanna, so to see him even demand her to "speak up." when she's got her head down was a bit of a surprise in itself, i don't know what he might've done..
i will never get tired of overpowered children having to deal with the fact they're overpowered children. this is the second time, that i can remember at least, where a younger zatanna had used her powers in a scenario where she thought they were justified, only to deal with the cruel consequences after the damage is done. how zee wielded magic in her youth, intentional or not, drastically impedes how she views it in her adult life. she's scared of it, this immeasurable power that responds to her slightest command. its a type of power that grown men yearn for, but giving it to a critical, impulsive child that's still learning the world around them, the people around them, and it'll just end up as a disaster and they'll grow to fear it.
nothing is important here besides the first signs of something is wrong, with her bunnies being cowered as far from her as they can while one bites in retaliation. ok there's like, smthn big going on but just look at the fact zatanna wears boxers... shes so hot. also transfem. thanks.
also omg little notes is the magic poster of herself being a wall for the rest of the kitchen. identical top hats on shelves. the drawn out man on the wall with knives sticking out of it jksgjkds. you can't see it exactly in this crop but there's just a bucket of chains and cuffs... she's such a weirdo... get another hobby im begging u. also mattress-on-the-floor zatanna is real and she is out to get you.
just a casual shadow of a creature following your shadow, no big deal. idk if the book will go this route, i think it's just another *team-up with someone who won't ever appear again in any continuity, but i like to think this is a canonical example of the consequences of zatanna under-using her magic. enter me forcing my headcanons and portrayal onto panels that definitely represent something else. anyway i'd like to think her magical presence becomes so dense when there's no "output" on her magic, and it's the equivalent of dangling a steak in front of a carnivore... or a carnivore's shadow. it's a mirror to when magic wielders overdo their own magical output, leaving them drained and instead an itty bitty fish in front of a carnivore. foods still food. i'm done with these metaphors i hope everyone caught the gist already..
pretending to hypnotize someone is so silly of her. but even more importantly there's a justice league mention oh wow!! and she turned them down :( zatanna's passion of the stage was very much outweighing the possibility of being a hero. this, as far as i'm concerned, has always been a fact. zatanna desired stardom and was perfectly content to sticking on stage, it was her fathers disappearance that had her jumping through mystical hurdles.
at this point on i'm not gonna post anymore panels because im lazy and this is getting so ridiculously long and also you should read it yourself. but i'm happy they're incorporating the fact zatanna doesn't use real magic on stage. outside of the premise of this series, where she has a present fear of it, zatanna in the past was of the stern belief that she shouldn't need to, and so she didn't. these lines kinda got blurred, and then discarded completely, and then now her main act is using illusionary magic and leaving it up to the audience to decide if it was real or not. i like both interpretations, personally, but it's nice to see the former again.
a bit of a disappointment that this is yet another zatara-led storyline.. or maybe this is just where it starts? you'd think they've run out of "cleaning up my fathers messes" plotlines but you'd be wrong!
*team-up wise smells like yuri... even better it smells like doomed yuri so i'm here for it for as long as it'll stick around.
#(✦) ꮻꮻꮯ ;#cracks my knuckles.#hello zatna dot tumblr dot com followers.. we r so back#i want to talk about this so much so everyone add my on discord or msg me in IMs thanks
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Hey I've been observing from afar through your reaction blogging, I haven't been in mcyt as much since the dsmp ended but I still care about a lot of the people in the mcyt circle and I'm interested in what goes on - care to give a rundown of what happened at this twitch rivals thing everyone keeps talking about? (no pressure only if you want to) Aside from the fact I'm sure it was terribly run like most twitch rival events are, but it sounds like there was more to it than that
okay so. i am going to be missing quite a few details because i missed a day myself + my streamer could not care less, so i heavily encourage others to add on stuff i missed
this was a multi-day competition, running for 5 days with prize rewards from 1k to 100k. it started with i think 150 players, with select numbers of people getting eliminated each round. day 1-2 are fairly normal, at least for twitch rivals. of all the games that got played through the whole event, i'd say like 1 was actually good, and maybe 2 were decent, at best. most are bad, poorly-executed, poorly thought out, or just boring in terms of both player enjoy-ability and content creation.
DAY 3 EDIT:
now, sapnap's been sapnap for this entire event already. obnoxious, a bad sport, but most notably, playing DMCA'd songs. the event ran on proximity chat, so while he was unmuted, everyone around him would also be subject to said songs, which could mute vods at worst and terminate accounts at best. most people are fed up with him at this point. while everyone's trying to come up with solutions for the glitch, sapnap spams the discord with useless shit. couriway calls him out in the discord, calling him annoying and obnoxious, then later calling him a cunt in twitch chat. sapnap uses couriway and feinberg's name in his stream title for clickbait and talks shit about them + their friends (hbg/house builder gang). he also makes some weird comment asking if couri is homophobic because sap was talking about having skeppy's dick in his mouth?? or something?? i'm unsure exactly how day 3's issue of the glitch resolved.
day 4 is also your average experience with your usual range of average to horribly painful games. sapnap continues to be a bitch and not take responsibility for his stans attacking anyone in sight, but what else is new
day 5 is. bad. the game set for deciding the final competitors can be cheesed (if you let someone else do all the work, you can punch them in the last second and steal their win) and eliminates like 20 people at once. on top of that, a glitch happens that leaves the server on standby for at least 30 minutes while admins decide what to do. firebreathman sends a picture of a bare naked ass in the discord. someone else sends a photo of their debit card. streamers entertain themselves in various ways, including growing a cactus (fulham), playing osu (purpled), collecting other people's streams for their overlay (fruitberries), playing slime rancher (badboyhalo), and building real-life furniture (couriway). tubbo (who was already eliminated at this point) starts jumping between streams and asking in chat for the tea. the game is eventually replayed, deciding the final 4 players, but it's just as broken and at that point, no one wants to be there anymore. it's revealed through multiple streamers (purpled, i believe also feinberg) that twitch rivals games are not tested before being ran. the only testing done was a stress test to see if the server could handle all original 150-some players. this explains why the games are so bad and poorly organized (some games take over an hour, others barely 30 minutes).
the final four are sapnap, shadoune, sneegsnag, and i think feinberg. it's the most anticlimatic game of connect 4 you can imagine. sneeg eliminates sapnap, and shadoune eliminates fein. notably, fein's game glitches during a throw, which despite being obviously a glitch, the coordinators brush off as being "part of the game". fein and multiple other streamers spend time analyzing every pov frame by frame and all agree that yeah, that was a glitch. shadoune and sneeg are left for the finals. they come to an agreement that this is stupid and a horrible event. tired of this bullshit, they purposefully stall the games and run a podcast for approximately 2 hours, forcing the coordinators to bend to their commands hunger games-style. essentially since the first glitch of the day people were begging twitch to just split the money, something that wouldn't be easy according to tubbo, because everything is pre-signed and delegated before the event. sneeg and shadoune give no fucks, and force the coordinators to split the money anyway, winning the day through the power of friendship. i cannot stress enough how no one wanted to fucking be there by the end of all this.
#muse talk#bumble-punch#ask to tag#aaand scene#i think#this is very long i am sorry. a lot of shit has gone down.
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hi everyone! i talked about my new "dream job" very briefly a few times, but turns out you really shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch. i debated not saying anything multiple times, and frankly perhaps i should've kept quiet, but i refuse to let this situation eat me up and i feel like the community also deserves some transparency on some things that realistically, you'll never get unless people speak up. i want to preface this by stating very, very clearly that everyone that i met in the studio on a personal level is incredibly talented, passionate, and kind. all of them deserve much, much better than the way they get treated. i applied to be a writer for quackity studios / qsmp and got an email back on the 18th of january. i interviewed for the position on the 23rd of january, and entered trial period on the 28th after signing an "nda".
early during trial period, i asked one of my supervisors about payment and was told they weren't responsible for that and didn't know, but would get back to me as soon as they knew which never ended up happening (i do not blame them at all, they’re incredibly busy people). i should've pressed further, but as someone in a very, very sensitive financial situation and someone who loves the qsmp and admires the talent of everyone who poured their heart and soul into the project, i chose to wait and expect the best. i was officially welcomed into the studio on the 10th of february, and while i waited to be contacted regarding a contract or payment, i had to once again ask (even after i was already working) about payment. i was redirected to "the" head admin as it was him who handled payment, and had to wait days for him to log on so i could add him as a discord friend and ask about my salary. during that conversation, which took almost a week from start to finish, i was asked multiple times if i'd worked professionally as a writer or freelancer (to which the answer was no) before finally being offered between 200-250 dollars (which i later found out shakes out to 170€) per month. i had to ask how i was being paid, and of my own accord provide him with my paypal email in hopes of a response as he never made it clear to whom i should send it. i was incredibly lucky compared to so many members of that team, because i did get paid for my work over that month, even if it felt like i had to beg for compensation that had been promised to me before. it was an awful salary, but i was desperate and so excited to be a part of the team that i accepted the conditions. after léa's tweets, the response "jay" posted, and quackity's emergency stream, i heard once from a supervisor that things were on hold but we'd be informed of any changes. to this day, there has not been any communication either publicly on the discord server or privately, even though i asked a supervisor privately for any possible updates on anything. there's been absolute radio silence. i want to add that i do not in any way blame my supervisors for any of their lack of communication, as they've been nothing but kind and caring towards me and i imagine they'd say something if they could. i have nothing but the utmost respect for them. a few days ago (and i apologize for not being precise with the date but i wasn't checking these things closely as i had no reason to) i noticed that my access to just about everything on the server apart from the announcement channel had been removed, and the only role i retained was the main "writer" one. upon checking, the other writers on the team still retain all of their previous roles. for some reason i do not know nor understand, my access got removed without any sort of word, communication, dm, anything. anything i've ever learnt about this situation, i learnt in the middle of the night live on twitch.tv while i waited to see if i still had a job or not. the only reason i can find for my access being removed and not the other writers is the fact that i'm friends with pomme's admin. i do not know if that is why, it's merely my own speculation, but it's the only link i can see that would lead to that decision. i hope i'm wrong, but hope hasn't gotten me very far in this yet. yesterday, i quit.
i only applied in the first place because i love the qsmp. i love this community, i love this project, and i genuinely and wholeheartedly wanted to help build it as well as be able to in some way support myself while being creative. i'm not making this post because i hate quackity and want to see anything burn — i'm just exhausted, and stressed, and losing sleep over a business that ultimately does not care for the people that made it a reality. i could not in good conscience not say something, because while i was very lucky that my time there was short and while i made friends there that i believe i will take with me for the rest of my life, i've never been someone who can sit and watch others be mistreated so blatantly and just ignore it. i honestly and sincerely hope that moving forward, things change, but after what i've seen i have very little hope left in me. this isn't just about the exploitation of people, or just about not providing people with payment for their work — it's about treating other human beings who are killing themselves and working themselves to the bone with the very minimum of care and respect. it's about people who made the qsmp what it is being discarded and disrespected constantly, and who live in fear and anxiety. these people deserve to be treated well, and that lack of respect hasn't changed regardless of any "announcements" made. my heart and full and complete support goes out to everyone who is dealing with these very unfortunate circumstances and treatment (my dms are always open if you ever want to reach out), to léa for being so incredibly brave and putting herself in the line of fire for the tens of people still in the studio, to all the actors and the twitter teams for the absolute silence they've received as payment for their hard work over almost a year, and to pomme's admin who despite what's going around on twitter has not received any contact from anyone in the studio yet, and deserves so so much better.
it’s my most sincere hope that qsmp thrives and conditions change, because everyone there deserves that. everyone there deserves to be treated like gold because they’re some of the best people i’ve ever met. i wish it didn’t feel like we have to put ourselves in the line of fire publicly for any sort of response because clearly staying silent hasn’t helped anything.
please, support the people who spoke out and support the people still in the project. they're the ones who made the qsmp the qsmp. they're the ones you should be standing with first and foremost.
#qsmp#qadmins#i'm so sorry guys but i personally don't feel comfortable tagging this with like discourse or neg#but <3 i will not be offended / upset if you use those tags if you talk about this#aaaaaaaaa
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I GOT AN IDEA! Would you do headcanons or a oneshot (whatever you want to do) about case seeing and clip of streamer!reader (probably from the discord), and the clip is basically just reader talking about how much she loves him and how cute she thinks he is. Just lovey dovey fluff bc I love him sm 😭
YESS! omg i love this idea! so so perfect! i hope you enjoy my angel. i did this as you were currently together. just endless flirting 💌
DISCORD CLIPS | caseoh x f!streamer!reader masterlist.
“W edit man! appreciate you!” case enthusiastically praises one of the editors apart of his discord group. during another stream the chat begged him to react to videos flooding his inbox. it had gotten insanely more active in the past couple of days.
case’s chat was filled with comments telling him to keep scrolling and to go to a certain video. he wanted to take time is watching everyone else’s videos before he just skips and goes to the main one. “hold on chatt” he says in a funny accent.
“that is not me! that is ai!” case threw his hand on his desk and laughed loudly. “ain’t no way!” it had been a late happy birthday edit for him which included many edited photos.
“oh chat is this the one you were talkin’ bout’?” his cursor hovered over the video of you sat in your gaming chair looking over to what he presumed was a monitor of some sort, you were cheerily smiling. case studied it for a moment, you looked gorgeous.
“yeah?” he clicked on the video with great curiosity. it started off with you letting out a shy giggle. “what do i think about case?” for some reason, his heart began speeding up a little.
“to be completely honest, that man is a whole different kinda guy. i mean he’s amazing!” he leaned back in his chair, watching the way you spoke and played nervously with your hair.
“he is funny as hell, i mean every stream is just brillant, never a dull moment. his humour is” you paused “unmatched” he noticed that as you spoke your cheeks slightly turned a dark shade of red. he smiled to himself as he listened and followed every word you said. usually, he pauses the same video a couple times to add his own bits of commentary but he couldn’t this time?
“honestly i’m happy he blew up on all the social platforms he truly deserves it, i personally love the guy. we constantly talk and he remains so humble and genuine. he’s so cute chat, can’t be the only one that thinks that! his personality is just adorable. ahh i do miss him, it’s been a while since i’ve seen him. i miss his hugs, he gives great ones! no but seriously i LOVE him and kitty of course”the vid ended and he was truly in shock. chat added on that you continued talking about how cute kitty was for a couple more minutes.
case could say the exact thing about you, he loved the connection and genuine friendship you had with one another. constant supportiveness coming from both ends. he adored you! how could someone not? you had the personality of an angel, not only that but you were stunning.
sometimes case thought you would never go for a guy like him, but he believes otherwise now. chat watched as case sat there with a huge smile on his face, he had a smug look on his face that you had potentially chosen him.
“CASE UR IN”
“W RIZZ”
“case ur locked in”
case continued reading chat, still in complete awe over you. he was in fact. in.
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AITA for accidentally outing my fiance?
I (27F) am engaged to a 24M guy. He is trans, but he doesn't identify as trans anymore - he's post-everything, passes 100%, lives stealth/as a cis man, and no one who didn't know him pre-transition knows him as anything but a cis man. I know keeping that up is very important to him, we've had a lot of conversations about how happy he is just being seen as cis and being able to pass. I know getting outed and 'found out' is also a big worry of his, for example for our upcoming wedding he's rushing around trying to make it clear to his family that they shouldn't mention him being trans or refer to him as she/her at our wedding because he has so many friends coming who don't know he's trans. It's not that he doesn't trust them or he's ashamed of being trans or anything, he's very supportive of his trans friends, but he just doesn't publicly live as trans.
We're in a big Discord server of friends that have been quite close for about a year now, enough that we've met multiple of them in person and two of them are going to be in his wedding party as sort of 'best man' equivalents (we're not really sticking to bridesmaid best man stuff just our mixed gender friends). He has kept his Facebook very private for as long as I've known him, the only people on there are IRL friends and family because he has in the past posted trans stuff on there, like transition updates, it still has old pictures of him pre-T or in early transition, etc. I knew he didn't want this found. He also hadn't told any of this group aside from the people he was especially close with and had invited to the wedding his surname and location in case they looked him up and found something.
People in the server were sharing their Facebook profiles and I shared mine so people could add me. My fiance messaged me right after pointing out that me sharing mine would dox him as I had him in my relationship status and friends list, but I unfortunately didn't see this message for a while as I was distracted and doing other things. By the time I saw, everyone in the group had already clicked and gone through my profile and found his.
He tried to go through and speed-delete everything he could find that was public that mentioned him being trans or showed him pre-transition, any comments from family referring to it, etc but pictures that were set to friends only were still popping up in previews on the side and some of his family have public profiles that show cover images with him pre-T and things like that.
Our friends were making jokes about finally knowing his surname, going through his whole account down to the time it was first made back in 2018, commenting on old statuses of his, so they definitely saw his profile and went through all of it. He was panicking because he had no way of knowing if they'd seen that he's trans or not and got super upset and freaked out about the possibility, and he couldn't ask without outing himself or making them suspicious.
I apologized and deleted the link but obviously by then it was too late.
I do think it's not a huge deal as much as he thinks because I know our friends would be supportive and wouldn't think of him differently, but I know it was still important to him. I'm not sure they did see because some of our friends are the type to have just blurted out "You're trans?!" in the server without thinking about it (not because they're malicious or judging it, but some of them aren't as online and don't really know how to talk about it sensitively if that makes sense) and they didn't say anything. However he thinks they did because they were talking about statuses older than the ones he managed to get to deleting in time.
Like I said i did apologize but I feel like he's still upset with me for not thinking before sending my profile. On top of that I have kind of a habit of doing things impulsively and without thinking (I have bpd and bipolar) and not always taking into account how it will affect him or what consequences it will have,which I've been working on for years but I worry this is just adding to that which I know already wears on him.
What are these acronyms?
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Dirty Work 7
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.
Characters: Loki
Note: This week is killing me.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
Sunday sees your second day in your new position. As you send off your letter of resignation to the agency, you can't help the coil that winds tight in your stomach. There's no going back now.
You close out of the several templates you Googled in your efforts. It's the one thing you know how to do. Willa, the friendly librarian who checked out the PC for you, always said, if you can Google, you can figure it out. Still, you feel like there's so much you don't know that you're not sure a search engine can answer.
You close the laptop and take both your phones with you into the hallway. You have to go check out that gazebo and figure out if you need to make a call about it. Oh, and the fridge was beeping when you filled your bottle, you have to call the maintenance number that flashed up too.
That makes you even more anxious. You've never really been the sort for phone calls. You never had anyone to talk to and everything else was easier done in person. Well, you'll have to muddle through. Work isn't supposed to be fun or easy.
As you near the staircase, your flip chimes. You juggle to answer the right phone. The slim touchscreen is set only to buzz, an option not available on the clumsy burner. You answer the call as you stop on the top stair.
The woman on the other end asks for you by name. You confirm your identity as you hear familiar noises in the background. She's a nurse from the downtown hospital.
“I'm calling to confirm your father's discharge tomorrow at noon,” she says over the rustle of paper and clack of keys, “we'll need the bed so if there is any delay, another day would be added to the invoice.”
“I understand, I'll be there, erm… noon. Tomorrow,” you don't have your notebook so you key a reminder into the other phone. “Thank you for letting me know.”
“Of course, miss, we would recommend you arrive earlier. We have some resources and counseling available on what you can expect getting the patient settled at home,” she continues, “nine would be ideal. I'll be able to add a note for the doctor to check in as well.”
“Oh, yes, I can do that,” you squeak, “thank you.”
“Alright then, I have all that logged. You have a good day.”
“You too,” you utter before the line dies.
Phone calls weren't too bad. You think you did okay with that one. Then again, you didn't think! You're supposed to work tomorrow. Mr. Laufeyson said you could take Wednesday off, and tomorrow is only Monday.
You close the flip phone and stare at it. Oh boy. You really don't want to spoil this. Just the mention of the coming invoice underlines your desperation. You need the money. Your dad needs it.
“Are you finished?” Mr. Laufeyson's timbre drawls from down the hall. You glance over as he stands just in the doorway of his study. You gulp.
“Sorry, Mr. Laufeyson. I didn't mean to disturb–”
“Yet you did,” he insists.
“I was only going to check–”
“Not my concern so long as it's done,” he waves you off, “an important call, I assume, to make such a racket.”
“Mr. Laufeyson, um,” you shove the phones away, one in each of your pockets. “I… could I have the day tomorrow? Instead of Wednesday. My father is getting out of the hospital and–”
“The day? What time?” He snips as he approaches with decisive steps.
“Well, I'm supposed to go at nine,” you explain, “I'll come in Wednesday still.”
“You will come in tomorrow, after all that,” he says. “You can work later then.”
“Yes, Mr. Laufeyson, but my father will need help getting settled–”
“Figure it out. You agreed to this schedule–”
“I did but–” you stop yourself as his eyes flare, “I will be here in the afternoon, Mr. Laufeyson.”
“You will be. In the appropriate attire, I expect,” he snarls and spins to strut back to his office, swinging the door shut sharply.
You waver at the hard slam. You didn't mean to anger him. You can't help that your father needs you. You thought Mr. Laufeyson would be more understanding, after all, he's the one who pointed out how much you needed the money.
🧹
Your father shoos you away as you try to help him sit. He lets go of the walker and flops back with a grunt, his oxygen tank clinking against the aid’s metal leg. He coughs and snatches around blindly on the cushion for the remote. You retrieve it from the folding table beside him and put it in his hand.
That agitates him further as he growls and jams down the button to turn on the television. You yawn and back away. You still have a full day left ahead of you, and what feels like one behind you. You spent the night doing some last minute tidying to make sure everything is read for your father.
“Smokes,” he snaps his fingers and hacks.
“Er,” you hesitate. You go to find the half-crushed pack you found with him on the floor. You knew better than to throw it out. You return to him, clutching the package nervously, “Dr. Shearer said–”
“Give it to me,” he demands.
You relent and obey. He’s been doubly miserable than before. You feel like an annoying gnat buzzing around his head as he tries to swat you away.
“I made you meals for the weak. They’re all labeled in the fridge–”
“I’m not a goddamn kid,” he scowls and takes the lighter from the folding table.
“I know, but–”
“But I’m home. You probably hate that,” he sneers, “you’d be happy if I died in that hospital.”
You’re taken aback by the accusation. You gasp and shake your head, “of course not, I’m happy you’re here. That you’re alive–”
“Painfully,” he snorts darkly, “the fuck you keep me here for?”
You take a breath and frown. Your eyes tinge and your cheeks pinch, “because you're my dad… and I love you,” you croak.
He doesn’t reply as he pulls out a cigarette and moves the tube from below his nose. You watch him, waiting. He lights the smoke and sucks on it eagerly. You drop your head and give a shrug.
“I gotta go to work,” you say, “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Don’t be slamming around when you come in,” he dusts ash over the freshly vacuumed carpet, “doctor said I needa sleep.”
“I won’t,” you promise and back away.
As you leave the room, your chest plummets in dread. You think of coming home, of finding him like you did before, laying on the floor, lifeless. You sniff and swipe away the speckling of tears. More than you want him to love you, you want him to love himself. You don’t just want him to want you around, you want him to be around.
🧹
You hurry up to Mr. Laufeyson’s gate with your kit and water bottle jostling. You fumble around until you find the smartphone and bring up the digits to punch into the code box. You buzz through and shuffle inside. You set off on your usual path around the back.
You stop at the rear door and try to untangle the strap of the water bottle from your kit. Your hand lingers on the front of the ballooning shirt. You still haven’t gone to look for clothes so you did your best with what you had. One of your father’s forgotten button-ups and a pair of pants that could pass in an office. It’s ill-fitting and scratch but better than jeans.
You get inside and leave your kit in the closet. Today’s a cleaning day but you have a few things to check off the schedule first. With your water bottle bouncing on your hip, you go upstairs and scurry down to the library.
As you enter, you’re surprised to discover the space less than empty. You apologise aloud and choke on the word, ‘mister’. It isn’t the house’s single resident as you expect, no, this figure could not be more different than Mr. Laufeyson. You recognise them, from the dinner.
The blond man faces you as he stands by the window, the drapes open to add the peculiarity of the situation. Like the man, the space is golden with sunlight. You lean back on your heel as you clutch the door handle.
“Hello,” he grins as he greets you in a playful demeanour. You can’t answer. You don’t know if you should.
Is it rule one; don’t speak unless permitted; or the other rule, do not disturb my guests. You can’t figure out the riddle so you languish in perplexity.
“Aren’t you a sweet little lamb,” he muses as he steps away from the window, placing his hands on the back of the dimpled leather chair. His large hands. If you thought Mr. Laufeyson was tall, this man is even taller and twice as wide. “I remember you. The sweet maid.”
You blink. Where is Mr. Laufeyson? You can’t speak. You’re too terrified; not just of the strange man but of the one you know by name. Your employer would be unhappy to know you spoke out of turn.
“Have you seen my brother at all?” He prompts disregarding your stagnant silence. “Has he spoken of me? His brother? I'm Thor.”
You look down at your hand on the door handle.
“And what is your name?” He asks.
You don’t answer. You know it’s not right but you have no other choice. You pull the door shut and close the man in. You retreat in a half-sprint and barrel back down the stairs. You trip at the bottom and barely save yourself from stumbling to your knees.
You latch onto the banister post to keep your balance and catch your breath. You hear the door above. Oh no, would he follow you? Another door clicks and you look up to find a shadow on the other side of the frosted glass framed in the front entrance.
Mr. Laufeyson steps inside coolly, unbothered as swings the door shut and tugs on the lapel of his suit jacket. His eyes fall on you and he scuffs on his sole, tilting his head in curiosity. You didn’t realise he hadn’t even been there. You look at the ceiling with wide eyes; so how was the other man inside?
“Well, there you are,” he says matter-of-factly, “this place is sore in need of a dusting–”
Laufeyson is interrupted by a clamour of footsteps above. You let go of the banister and sidle away as his green eyes flick to the top to the staircase. You shy away and listen as the man descends in a series of thunder thumps. You turn to peek down the hall, wanting to hide in your chores.
“Stay,” Laufeyson commands. You turn back to him as he points at your feet. You stop in place and sway. He faces his visitor as he comes to the bottom stair, “brother, what is the meaning of this intrusion?”
“Can I not come see my baby brother?” The other man; the stranger; his brother, called Thor, booms.
“You may, when you warn me of it,” Laufeyson rebuffs.
“Ah, don’t be so grim,” Thor claps his shoulders and is swiftly shrugged off, “this place is always so dark. I hope you don’t mind, I opened a few windows.”
“I do mind,” Laufeyson says, “you do always presume.”
“And you are always offer such a warm welcome,” he tries to tap Laufeyson’s cheek but is batted away. The dark of the brothers backs up with a scoff. “Ah, and there she is. I was only just coming to find the little maid. She rushed off so suddenly–”
“You don’t need to bother with her,” Laufeyson dismissed with a slice of his hand through the air, “maid,” he points at you again, “back to work.”
You lean back on your heel, ready to disappear.
“Ah, don’t be so rude, brother. She is sweet. You get more bees with honey–”
“Do not tell me how to run my house,” Laufeyson growls, an edge in his voice you’ve never heard before. Dangerous and dark.
“Is she not doing you a service? A please would be appropriate–”
“You are not mother. I don’t need you to mind my manners,” Laufeyson girds and nears his brother, unflinching even as he comes up a few inches short of chest to chest, “nor do you need to worry for my staff. She does not take orders from you.”
“And I suppose that’s all she gets from you,” Thor chuckles.
You furrow your brow, stunned by their spat. You’re not quite sure what that last bit meant. You work for Mr. Laufeyson so of course he would tell you what to do. And why are they so volatile? They’re brothers. You don’t have any siblings but you always wanted one. So that you had a friend. So you weren’t alone.
“Maid, go,” Laufeyson repeats, “now.”
Your eyes widen and you nod. You quickly turn and rush down the hall to the closet. You’re shaking as you try to sort out one phone from the other and find the old list of tasks. You can hardly steady your hands to get a pair of gloves on.
You take your time in the back of the house as you hear the men’s footfalls climb the staircase. You let your nerves settle just a little. You’re alone, for now, and your mission is simple. Clean and stay unseen.
#loki#dark loki#dark!loki#loki x reader#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#dirty work#maid au#au#series#avengers#thor#mcu#marvel
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I’m gonna close the askbox soon for the time being, I’m getting a little overwhelmed and there have been some recent instances that have made me feel a little uncomfortable. Vent below but fair warning I get a little critical
TL;DR: you are not entitled to my askbox responses, please do not talk at me in tumblr dms, I am not your friend, please don’t come to me seeking personal validation and please do not be parasocial with me
This may sound extreme to some of you, but I want you to know that even though my askbox is open for people to ask me questions about crk and baau, there is no guarantee that I will answer them. I am not obligated to answer everyone’s ask because at the end of the day it’s down to my comfort level and if I feel like answering a specific ask at all, and for some asks I haven’t felt like I can gain much mutual substance from it. I can hear some people out but I don’t want this blog to turn into a place where you can say anything and be guaranteed a response like this is a DM. I get overwhelmed pretty easily if I feel like I’m being talked at and not talked to. I have had instances where a single person will send me a DM or ask everytime moment I mention something they like, but saying nothing in that ask that I can make an answer to. I highly discourage this behavior for my askbox specifically, as I grow generally uncomfortable because I feel like I’m being talked at. And feeling like im being talked at and not talked to is a huge ick of mine spurred by real life experiences.
And no I am highly unlikely to post privately because I barely use that feature, and then it just goes back to feeling like a DM which I don’t want. I don’t want to open up cans of worms with my askbox. I don’t want people to flood my inbox with X reader requests simply because I answered one ask related to it, I don’t want people to flood my inbox talking about themselves and their lives because I answered a few asks related to it. I don’t want to set any more impressions than I already have, also why i have stopped answering asks like them.
I also just want to say that, to avoid fostering parasocial relationships, I hardly know most of you people, and most of you aren’t my mutuals and friends. I appreciate your support and friendliness but I have a fine line between friend and follower. I don’t make friends through DM spam where someone who i barely know and haven’t interacted with talks about themself to me. I also am not here as an approval machine to validate people’s opinions or thoughts. I feel like some people have been growing parasocial with me which is deeply unsettling. Please do not DM me with random things unless we’ve previously interacted as tumblr and especially discord friends. I only accept questions asking for help, comments about specific things related to me, and general notices about things I should be aware of, like someone stealing my art. Please don’t expect long and/or consistent conversations with me if we are not mutuals and especially if we are not friends. And please do not be someone I barely know coming to me seeking personal validation from me.
I should also add that mutual in this instance means mutual follower, not mutual friend. I see mutual on the same definition as an acquaintance in most instances. I consider us friends if both of us are calling each other friends.
So this means do not send me pictures of you or your pets. I will see it but I am very likely not going to answer.
For BAAU specific questions, I have also had people ask me about why I haven’t answered them and it goes back to A). Their questions may have already been answered previously and B, most importantly,) I don’t answer asks I don’t feel like answering. This latter point is v important to me because the last thing I want is for people to feel entitled to know certain things about my AU. I am, for the most part, a one person team working on this, and I decide what’s known and what’s not. If I feel like something isn’t worth answering for whatever reason I feel, I will not answer it. I’m saying this now to—hopefully—lessen the chance of people expecting responses from me.
Edit: However i can also not answer an ask simply because I am waiting for a good time to respond. Whether that be with a drawing or, for baau specifically, when I am ready to share lore pertaining to it.
Edit 2: I know I can respond quickly at times but the speed of my responses should not be treated as a constant, nor indicative of my interest or engagement as a whole.
Again i greatly appreciate how much support I get, and how many people are interested in my AU and what I have to say, but i want to keep the barrier between myself, my friends, and everyone else. I hope this humbles some of you and I hope you can still enjoy my blog and au as they are, but I want to say here and now that I am someone with their own comfort levels, expectations, and thoughts. I still encourage people to send in asks but I want to set the expectation that I am more likely to answer questions/comments about my au or art, and other asks where I feel like a mutual part of the discussion. But even still I can get rid of asks if I feel like they aren’t needed.
Most of you are cool people who im glad to see in my notes, comment sections, and inboxes, but I also respect people who have some consideration for myself as well. Not everyone knows what and what doesn’t make me uncomfortable which is why I’m saying this now. I hope that everyone here continues to be aware and respectful, and most importantly, patient and understanding.
If you read all of this, thank you.
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Just thinking about Fitz and Keefe. They're both so jealous of each other. It spiraled into more and more talking about fitz and vacker imperfections and stuff, enjoy :>
(I rambled out the draft on discord, but I did change a few things and add on a bit at the end, so if you feel like rereading it might make more sense now)
tw: breif mentions of ed, suicidal thoughts, and implied sh, but they're all like very brief and not descriptive just want to put a warning
Remember in Flashback when Sophie and Fitz were going all Fitzphie on Keefe's mind, and they found the memory of Alden telling Keefe he was proud?
Imagine it hurt so bad for Fitz when he watched that. Because Alden never says that to Fitz even when he came out on top, no matter how perfect he was, so why did Keefe get that kind of praise?
Keefe may have come out second to Fitz with Foxfire grades, but Fitz has always felt second to Keefe in everything. No matter how perfect he tries to be or how much of a people pleaser he is, it seems inevitable that everyone likes Keefe better anyway.
And how could they not? He's funny, he's messy, he's imperfect.
Fitz could never be like keefe. His family would hate him. But they still like Keefe better.
Alvar always liked Keefe better than his actual little brother. Even though Fitz looked up to Alvar more than anyone! He admitted that in Neverseen!
Alden told Keefe he was proud of him?? for coming in second? Even after all the studying and work Fitz put into being first, being top, being perfect, people always choose keefe, Which is one of the reasons Fitz was so insecure about Sophie spending a lot of time with Keefe while she and Fitz were dating, he was scared she was going to leave him for Keefe, like people always do, because he's just better. he's nicer, he doesn't lash out at people, he doesn't have as much pressure on him because he never cared about pleasing his parents.
AND SHE DID! Sophie did leave him for Keefe. Even though Fitz promised to take things at her pace. Even though he said he'd wait. But it was the match lists that ended up breaking them apart. But what was Fitz supposed to do?? Not care about the match? There had never been a Vacker bad match, and Fitz beign the first one, after everything Alvar did and how much all the Vackers already hate these five in particular, it would bring a whole new level of shame on the family. Not just him, but Biana and Alden and Della too.
Keefe is allowed to not care about this stuff, because he's not perfect. Fitz is so, so, so jealous of Keefe because he GETS TO BE IMPERFECT. HE'S ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES. He's allowed to feel things.
Keefe's parents are awful, Fitz's parents are fine. Anytime Fitz dares to think "hey maybe my parents are manipulating or using me or putting unrealistic expectations on me" he also remembers that he has it GOOD. He's so lucky compared to everyone else. So he has no right to be upset about anything.
In Flashback, Fitz actually says something like this to Sophie: Sophie had to grow up with humans, Keefe has his whole thing with his parents, Dex was bullied for being the son of a bad match, Tam and Linh were banished… so he's had it easy! He has no right to feel sad when his life is just. so. perfect.
And the thing is, everyone thinks his life is perfect. Especially Keefe! Keefe is always talking about how the Vackers are perfect and lucky and he wishes he was one, when inside, Fitz would secretly rather be Keefe. Even with the whole everything with his parents, at least he doesnt have to be perfect! At least he's allowed to disappoint his parents, because theyre bad parents! And people always like him more. Without fail, Fitz has always felt second to Keefe. Every time he thinks he did good, people go to keefe for being imperfect.
Why did keefe get Alden's praise when he came out second in the level? Fitz barely slept to make sure he came out on top! If Fitz had gotten 98/100, he wouldn't be yelled at, but he'd get a disappointed talk. Why is it different with Keefe, who isnt even Alden's son, why does Alden like him more?
So Fitz ends up spiraling and obsessing more and more.
He can't be imperfect like Keefe, he wouldnt dare. So he does what he can to be as perfect as possible. Maybe he just needs to get a hold on his temper. Wait till he's behind closed doors to do anything but smile. Maybe he needs to eat less, get a perfect number on the scale. Maybe then he'll be good enough.
But he's never good enough.
Nothing he does will ever be good enough.
Keefe is reckless, imperfect, and messy. but even though Fitz does his best to not step a toe out of line, he does everything he can to be perfect...... They keep picking Keefe. without fail, no matter what.
Fitz knows he shohld accept defeat, accept that he'll never be good enough for anyone because of everything he's done to try to be perfect, but he can't stop trying.
He'll keep pushing himself, he'll stay up for hours studying, looking for clues about the Neverseen, going through Alvar's old room, he'll do ANYTHING for someone to say theyre proud of him. For someone to tell him that he did good, for once in his life, but they never notice.
It's never "Wow, you've been working so hard, good job!" or "You look good, did you lose weight?" or "Thanks for helping out, thanks for at least trying"
EVEN THOUGH HE DOES NOTHING BUT TRY. HE'S TRYING SO HARD
Instead, people are saying things like "You look awful, you've got bags under your eyes" (maybe he should put on some makeup to hide that) or "You never join us for dinner, it's like you hate us" (he does. he secretly hates his family so much) or "You've gotten so distant that you're ruining all your relationships with your friends and family" (what else is he supposed to do? they dont like him anyway)
He's driving himself insane over being perfect, only to have people like Sophie say that he's "too perfect." HE JUST CANT WIN!
He's not allowed to make mistakes, but maybe the worst mistake he made was being too perfect!
But how does he stop?
He can't. he trapped himself here. He's convinced he brought this on himself, but he cant get out of this cycle,
And nobody else will get him out,
Because he's not perfect enough.
If they havent noticed his struggling, maybe they dont care enough. But Fitz has gotten so good at hiding it. Nobody will notice until he passes out in the hall or just fucking kills himself because it's too much.
Fitz thinks, why is it that Keefe's allowed to be open about hating himself, and yet as soon as he makes the slightest self deprecating comment, he's suddenly "being dramatic" or "looking for attention"?
And we're back to talking about Keefe again.
None of this is Keefe's fault but he will still feel so so guilty. He felt Fitz's jealousy and hurt when they watched the memory of Alden saying he's proud of him.
Keefe and Fitz are constantly comparing themselves to each other, but by the end of the story, Keefe will be getting the help and support he needs to move on from it. Fitz never showed it and wouldnt dare admit it. So he does not.
Alden and Cassius both seem to prefer the other's son.
Even with Fitz and Biana. There's still a bit of jealousy there, because Biana is starting to seperate herself from her family, and start her own "Vacker Legacy," whatever that means.
After Nightfall, biana has grown more comfortable with herself, she is challenging what it means to be a Vacker, realizing that their family isn't all it's claimed to be. She has no shame in being her fun confident self, and crying when she needs to, and showing off her scars, while if Fitz showed his scars, he'd probably end up in a psych ward or something (or at the very least getting yelled at).
Fitz is jealous of Biana almost as much as he's jealous of keefe. She's never been quite perfect either, but it's always in a good way, isn't it? she's managed to keep her friends (not including the earlier books) and she used to be a bit of a jerk to people, so people can look back and see how far she's come.
Fitz has only gotten worse over the years, and he knows it. he hears what people say in the halls. their whispers hardly hide it. He's presented himself the way he wanted to be - perfect. But it gets harder and harder to hide his imperfections, and people only notice the bad things, don't they? They don't worry, they only judge.
Biana's probably dealing with her own issues, as everyone in the Vacker family does, but she can be more honest about it. She's starting to break the habit of plastering on a smile and saying everything's fine. She's working on her relationship with people. She's like reverse Fitz.
Fitz fears he's going down a similar path of destruction to Alvar, but he counters those fears by being Alden's perfect golden boy like he was always supposed to be. Alden has such a hold on Fitz, he'd do anything for him if Alden worded it right. Ever since he was a kid he always knew he'd do anything to please his parents, even if it was potentially dangerous. But nobody has seemed to even bat an eye when they hear how young Fitz was when he went to the Forbidden Cities. So he must be overreacting, right? Because how could Fitz's childhood be anything less than perfect?
See, when Sophie started learning a little bit about Fitz's past and how things were actually not perfect in the Vacker house, she started to ignore him more and more. She had her other reasons, but to Fitz, it seemed like she was seeing how imperfect he really was, and he's not everything she hoped for. So he panics, and does his best to prove to her that he is the perfect boyfriend she wanted, but it didn't matter anyway because... she. liked. Keefe. better.
And Fitz hates himself so much for wishing he was keefe because Keefe has it so bad with the legacy thing, he hates how he wishes his parents were worse so he didn't feel so guilty every time he made a mistake that would disappoint them.
Not one person in Fitz's life has ever chosen him first. With everyone. There's always someone they love more.
Della loves Biana more, Biana chooses her friends, Sophie chose Keefe, Keefe chose Sophie.
Alden seemed to favor Keefe, or his work, or even just the ways he uses Fitz instead of loving him as his son or as a person. Maybe that's why Fitz is so desperate to listen to Alden, to please him, because he's the only person who seems to even care, even if he only cares when he's doing good or being perfect.
Alvar would choose Biana or Keefe over Fitz any day, even before the betrayal. Fitz still looked up to him, despite his vague dislike for Fitz. He likes Biana better because he thinks she'd understand better what the Vacker legacy is, Because FITZ IS PART OF IT. HE'S ADDING ONTO IT, WHATEVER IT IS!
Yep that's all I have, feel free to add your own ideas :3
tags:
@fitz-avery-vacker @autistic-daydreamer
#kotlc#kotlc fitz#fitz vacker#kotlc vackers#kotlc alden#alden vacker#kotlc alvar#alvar vacker#kotlc della#della vacker#kotlc biana#biana vacker#kotlc headcanons
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The Life of a Jikooker, Online and Offline
Sometime last year I revealed my real first name on Twitter. Though I am known more prominently as “Wingzie”, a name given to me by a good friend of mine, I wanted to add a bit more of a human touch to my account. It was a reminder that, even if I spend a rather large amount of time making posts, I also have a life away from the screen. There's been a few occasions when my army life and personal life have become interlinked.
I am lucky enough to have made wonderful friends since becoming Army. Thus, I will always say that your fandom experience and enjoyment will depend on who you interact with and what you engage with. It's because of these friends that I have been to South Korea or gone to Olle in London for BTS’ tenth anniversary. I've explored new local places or exchanged gifts. It's also because of these friends that I felt safe enough to talk about Jikook in my first ever group chat in 2019. I feel a certain love and connection between us, online and offline, that I don't think many others will understand.
However, there is a certain loneliness in being a jikooker. I have been unfairly judged or dismissed just for talking about them. Either individually or as a unit. It calls into question why this is. I personally do not see myself as a shipper. The definition of a shipper is that you WANT them to be together and that is not the case with me or many other jikookers at all. The definition of shipping has changed so much that we are seen as bad people just for talking about them, when we are just talking about their moments together.
In the last few months or so I have experienced more of an Army life outside of Twitter. I have been to various offline events and spoken to so many and I couldn’t help but notice two things: 1) Jikookers have a terrible reputation
2) People are scared to talk about them as a unit compared to others. The first part can be somewhat understandable and it’s why I never bother fighting. It brings negative attention to them, when we should be boosting them instead. All they see are people just attacking each other and it is sadly true that a small number of Jikookers are Tae antis. I have left a few group chats because of that or because of ex-jikookers hating on Jimin or Jungkook. However, there are also a huge number of us that DON'T behave this way and it depends on what you focus on.
At a previous event I bumped into a local Tae bias. She clearly knew who I was and was under the impression that I hated Tae. I soon proved her wrong but I guess this is where some of the problems lie: There are a lot of focus on stereotypes, without giving us the chance to prove otherwise. I have also been to events where Army have cited misinformation and they needed to be corrected. I am aware that not everyone has my memory, but they were so callous about their comments that I was shocked. There was a huge disconnect between reality and what they were thinking and it is so important to check sources. Especially when BTS' history and ours is so rich and can be easily accessible in this social media age.
Being scared to talk about Jikook is something that will always confuse me. I joined a BTS Discord and left shortly afterwards when I realized that they had a channel for every until apart from Jikook. I also went to an event shortly after the “You can handle it” Weverse Live and the group I was with mentioned every single part of that Live, apart from when Jimin was in the comments. They also said some things about Jungkook that made me feel really uncomfortable and they ignored what I was trying to say. They saw him as a puppet, for their own desires, rather than his own person. And I think that is also something I have seen on the increase lately. It should be allowed and in fact encouraged to talk about them as a unit without being shamed for mentioning them together. Ignoring them doesn't help either.
I am Jimin and Jungkook biased, but the definition of having a bias itself has also changed. You cannot say you have a bias now without automatically saying “but I love all of them”, when that should go without saying. I have seen this change since Mots:7 and it emphasises how much the fandom definitions have changed and how it has also shaped our communities. I have been to other events where I am sadly seen as an anti, once they find out my Twitter ID. My account includes all members, I just happen to post about Jikook and their moments most of all and there is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, I wrote this without any clear message or goal in sight. I just wanted to express what I have experienced and my feelings about it. I will always cherish the memories I have with those that are closest to me and our beautiful conversations about BTS or Jikook. I just wish others did the same and understood what this community is actually about, online and offiline. My account will always be a safe place for all the members and I refuse to be villainized for talking about Jikook at the same time. Much Love Wingzie/Becca
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All this talk of plural kit and people claiming alters etc... *sigh*. I was diagnosed with DID in 2007. Spent a long stint inpatient and even longer on antipsychotics. So much therapy... Group, outpatient, occupational, and intergration therapy (which has since gone out of fashion in treatment programs so I know already I'm an outlier). My entire life was taken over in a Bad Way by this illness that is acquired by severe, sustained trauma during early childhood development. And the kinds of people being talked about exhaust me. The sudden rise of "meet my alters!!" videos on tiktok were a major contributing factor to me quitting the platform and cosplaying there. I have left discord servers because of these people because I get so frustrated by them. They're the reason I feel like I can't talk about my experiences with this fucking *life ruining* illness that stole my childhood all the way into early adulthood from me. Even my new therapist as of this past month gave me a look of skepticism and uncertainty at the mention of my diagnosis, because of (usually very young) people claiming alters/systems. It's not quirky or interesting. It sucks. It's an extremely serious and disorienting condition. And this shitty behavior adds to the stigma against DID sufferers. It's what keeps me basically in the diagnosis closet. But on the flip side-- I feel like the internet goes in cycles. It just reminds me of "I am the reincarnation of Goku" era of the internet. Back when it was still called Multiple Personality Disorder. Everyone wants to be popular and interesting and escape the consequences of their actions. I believe there's maybe mental illness happening in these people. Is it *really* DID though? Questionable. I can only hope that people who have these interactions with these people don't hold it against all individuals with DID. Most of us are actually just trying to function and not make our entire existence about this frustrating and crippling illness.
--
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How to Increase Biodiversity on a Budget - Masterpost
It cannot be stressed enough that supporting native wildlife is important, wherever you are and however you can. But it can feel a bit daunting to think about doing, especially if you’re operating on a smaller budget. It’s not uncommon to hear about someone’s success story and think how much did it cost to do that?
I’m hoping that I can provide a good bunch of ideas on how to help heal the world around you without hurting your wallet. Feel free to use this as a guide, or a bouncing-off point to do actions in your own style!
Before we get Started
I want to make it clear that this is not a checklist of things you are required to do in order to be ‘helping.’ This isn’t an ‘all or nothing’ kind of deal. Every little bit you do helps. Being aware of these options and spreading awareness helps. Doing even just a handful of these options as you’re able to helps.
With that being said, we need to acknowledge that not everything in this list is feasible for everyone. Some people have a fenced yard in the suburbs. Some people have an unfenced yard with judgy neighbors and/or a restrictive HOA policy. Some people can’t directly control their own landscaping, whether that be because of an external lawn maintenance ruling or something like ‘living with your parents.’ Some people have a 4th story apartment with a small balcony. Some people rent and can’t grow directly into the ground. If the best you can do is put up a bird feeder, or grow a few pollinator-friendly plants in pots? I see you. I feel you. I’ve been there. I appreciate what you’re doing, and you know what? So does the wildlife.
Un-actions, or Restriction of Activities
Things to Do that Aren’t Related to Growing Plants
The Plants-Related Section
Adding To, or Starting, A Garden
Cheaply Starting
Supporting Your Plants for Cheap: Composting, Mulching, and Trellises
What Plants to Add
What to Do Once Things Are Planted
The Secret Other Thing - Managing Invasive Plants and Animals
Parting Words and Sources
If you’re interested in joining a group of gardening enthusiasts who are always down to talk about biodiversity, project ideas, and native plants, feel free to hop into my gardening discord!
#gardening#biodiversity#outdoor gardening#cheap gardening#solarpunk#idk what else to tag this as#I'm gonna post one or two of my pieces every day because. uh. it's a lot. and i gotta doublecheck for quality#but I'll link them all on THIS POST as I add them#ani rambles#out of queue#the biodiversity saga#editing the tags because I said 'im gonna post one or two a day' LMFAOOOOO#OK EVERYONE ITS DONE ITS OFFICIALLY DONE FEEL FREE TO GO HAM
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To those it may concern.
alright so the jig is up, i’m no longer as anxious to come out and publicly say some of this i believe should be stated about a specific blog, and it’s been some time that me and my friends @mettsturniolo and @angel-rafe have been talking about this. im-a-matt-girl is a 35 year old woman who’s had an obsession with matt specifically since he was 18. to some people that wouldn’t exactly matter but that’s quite literally the definition of hebephilia and makes me more than uncomfortable and is creepy in multiple ways, especially because at the beginning of this year she started a discord server filled with people from the ages of 18-22 and blatantly lied about her age to us until becoming more comfortable a little while later (showing she definitely knew people would not be comfortable knowing her age) not only is it weird and inappropriate but for some reason she also bashes younger fans and pretty much the entirety of the tumblr fandom, and speaks poorly of the minors on here! not to mention she also accuses pretty much everyone of stealing her story ideas and her screenshots from youtube videos, when it’s obvious multiple people are going to have the same screenshots from a youtube video and she doesn’t own the content, nor is anyone on here blatantly copying her work. and another topic to discuss which is definitely creepy regarding her age, is her weird sense of possessiveness over matt and how someone with that big of an age gap (16 years) tends to sexualize, and not be okay with anyone else having to say anything along the lines of what she does. another thing i might add is that at one point the server was apparently for those who wanted to read her smut written about matt that she didn’t post so there used to be google docs of it pinned in the server. (ss of the actual smut are not provided bc i did not take any but there is a ss provided saying it was once in the channel and anyone who joined for that can leave.)
basically the fact that it’s a 35 year old woman displaying all of these obscene and inappropriate behaviors should definitely be highlighted, and brought to the attention of the fandom on here.
i do have more ss but unfortunately it won’t let me post all of them on one single post, but i am willing to either make a separate post or send them via pm.
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so...some updates.
i had to quit my job due to the physical toll it was taking on me. right now i'm still struggling to walk due to my lower back feeling really sprained. i think i pulled a muscle or something and my recovery is slow.
i do feel better than i did a week ago, though. i could hardly move at all without the pain being so overwhelming that i wanted to cry. now it's still there and i can't bend over very well, but i can at least move around.
physical pain aside, i've been struggling to write or talk to people in general due to my mental health taking a bit of a nosedive. i've had some pretty bad history over the years with trying to talk to people (both online and in person) and having what i say either be glossed over or outright ignored. i also have a constant worry that i'm bothering people whenever i do get comfortable and start sending a bunch of messages to them. as a result of both points, it's become really hard for me to approach anyone.
i do think that it's partially my fault for not trying harder. and i do understand that people are busy, or aren't in the mood to talk/write for whatever reason. it just feels like everyone i know is going through that communicative rut, so i don't have very many people i feel comfortable approaching on my own.
i've been writing on discord, though. at least a little. i know not everyone writes on discord, and that's okay too. it's just easier for me to write on there than it is here since it doesn't make my anxiety flare up nearly as badly.
as of right now, i'm not too sure what my stance is on being more active. i know i made that post a while back about approaching people in dms, and it got a pretty big response (which i am very grateful for!). but i'm not sure if i have the drive to do much of anything on this site at the moment. i feel pretty drained in general, and coming on here just to experience a constant fomo (fear of missing out, for those that don't know), as well as feeling insignificant/replaceable, doesn't help in the slightest.
so, for right now, i'll be sticking to discord. if you have me on there already, feel free to give me a nudge if you like. and if you don't have me on there, feel free to add me. my username is sunibuni. you don't need to ask me if it's ok to add me. you have my permission per this post.
thanks for reading and being patient and understanding as always. i hope y'all have a great day/night. <3
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hello tags! It's been a little while since I've been on here, but I'm ready to dive back into the writing scene and looking for some new writing partners on Discord! ♡ please only interact with me if you are 21 + only, also just a small fyi my activity can be a bit unpredictable depending on life stuff, but I’m always around to chat, plot, and create if I’m not writing!!!
I’d love to brainstorm some MUMUs (small town, big big city, holiday resort, band, reality tv show, open for the options), but also happy to keep it small with a singular plot! i just want to get into musings, making some fun pinterest boards, playlists etc! i want all the angst, fluff, pain and smut.
a few plots and tropes which I am begging for and some fcs are below, but i'm open to anything and everything!!! if you're interested, give this a like and i'll reach out or message me! ♡
yearning plot, I just watched the Industry and it gave me the need for a pair who love each other, they completely yearn for each other but they can't be together. if you want your heart to break, listen to the last goodbye by the kills. I have quite a few different thoughts for this, they meet when they're young and they yearn for each other, but life gets in the way and ultimately they don't end up together, they love each other but one of them choses the path which is right for them. We can have them go through the break up and then meet again years across the line where it’s a mix of vulnerability and guardedness as both muses confront their past, knowing that the connection they once had slipped through their fingers. There could be moments of warmth and nostalgia mixed with painful realisations about how much has changed. I just need the angst!!!!
the affair, they’re both trapped in unhappy relationships, finding solace in each other’s arms. But as the passion between them grows, so does the guilt and the looming sense that their affair will only lead to heartbreak—for everyone involved.
trapped in a marriage of convenience, they were never supposed to fall in love. Bound by a loveless marriage for political or financial reasons, one of them has secretly harboured feelings all along. Now, as tension rises and secrets unravel, those buried emotions threaten to tear them both apart.
divorced couple, they are always in each others lives, their is fighting, they can't escape, let's add kids to the mix for the coparenting
the one who got away, this is slightly different to yearning because this couple aren't the same vibe it's a different font okay. They were madly in love in their early 20s, but life and ambition pulled them in different directions. Years later, they reconnect—both scarred from past relationships. There’s undeniable chemistry, but the fear of repeating history keeps them at a distance. Can they let go of their past mistakes and take a risk on love again, or are they doomed to drift apart once more?
the cost of fame, he’s an up-and-coming actor/musician etc, skyrocketing to fame, while she’s still living an ordinary life. They were high school sweethearts, but as his career takes off, the pressure of his public image and constant media attention start to tear their relationship apart. Will their love survive the world of flashing cameras and false rumours, or will fame turn him into someone she no longer recognises??? where will the angst take us??
fighter plot, after re-watching the creed I need a boxer plot so maybe something like in creed where is fighting his way to the top, but his girl can’t handle the fear of losing him to the sport etc
a coffee shop meet-cute, or any meet-cute where it can be something like she's the regular at his coffee shop, always rushing in with a complicated order and a smile that lights up the place. He’s the barista who secretly gives her an extra shot of espresso to brighten her day. After months of shy glances and friendly small talk, a chance encounter outside of the café leads to a series of adorable, awkward dates full of laughs, misunderstandings, and the beginning of something real.
a classic holiday fake dating, one of them desperately needs a date for the family’s holiday reunion to avoid endless questions about their love life, so they convinces their co-worker (or best friend) to pretend to be their partner for the week. Cue romantic holiday moments, cute banter, and the unexpected realisation that maybe they’re not just pretending after all.
I just need anything that is enemies to lovers, anything that is friends to lovers, anything that is forbidden lovers, anything that is exes to lovers to exes again, give me the slowburn, just any of these tropes on repeat
i also do have a wanted plots tag which is here - this has not been updated in a while but i will always want these plots!
some fcs i’ve been wanting to play or have has opposites are below, i'm not limited to them and open to any other options too!!!
drew starkey
oliver jackson cohen
paul mescal
harris dickinson
milo ventimiglia
tom hardy
fabien frankel
theo james
callum turner
dev patel
josh o'connor
alexander skarsgard
boyd holbrook
grace van patten
hannah dodd
phoebe dynevor
adria arjona
bruna marquezine
aslihan malbora
alisha boe
pinar deniz
taylor russell
greta onieogou
lucy boynton
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Weekly Update - October 20, 2024
Hello, everyone! Sorry for disappearing on you all, I had an interesting couple of weeks. Long story short, there was a death in the family followed by a vacation in a country with really bad internet.
Now that I’m done with the explanation, let’s get into High School Revenge, the reason you’re all here.
I’ve finished 99% of the homecoming campaign. I wrote on my phone, so a lot of variables are all over the place and I need to fine tune everything on my computer. When you can actually play this part of the demo, I want to hear your opinions on the help the ROs can give you. I think Isaac’s is pretty funny, but I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old. Also, a bit spoilery here, so skip to the next paragraph if you know nothing about Vivian, but you can get her homecoming party proposition during the campaign too, if you missed it the first time around.
I’ve also started work on the first phase of homecoming: asking out someone to be your date. You’ll first have a choice to wait and see if anyone will ask you out or directly ask whoever you’re interested in. There’s a lot of freedom here, so even if you get rejected by 7 out of 8 ROs, you can try with the 8th RO as well. Generally, I’ve decided to make things harder for male MCs, since most ROs won’t take the initiative if you’re a male. I know, very sad, boys don’t get asked out as often as girls. Just to clarify, the check that will decide if the RO accepts your homecoming date invitation will have nothing to do with gender (unless we’re talking about the ones that have some sexual identity problems).
I’ve also come up with one non-RO date option, Fighting Rooster members can likely guess who it is, since it’s been implied. If you think there’s another option I may have missed that could work, please mention it.
The art contest I did a few weeks ago is also done, so I should start to have a lot of cool art of the characters done in the next coming months. I’ll start with a free one this month for everyone to see what me and Duveru will be offering up on Patreon. I’m thinking of doing the scene where Cecily tells the MC to not talk to her friends on the first day.
Last thing I want to ask is if you guys would be interested in joining the Discord I set up for the story? As you’ve all probably noticed, I tend to not talk much unless an update date comes, but I tend to be more active there since I also have some work-related stuff to do there. If there’s enough interest, then I have to work on making it a bit more fun and interactive (don’t worry, it won’t be a lot of extra work since I already have another server and know what I want to add) and then I’ll likely share the invite link next week.
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If you're a bit confused about Rusty Quill or what's been happening, hopefully this will be a handy guide.
Hello everyone, especially all newbies to the Rusty Quill family! I thought I'd talk a little bit about the company. There's a lot of information out there, some of which may be contradictory or difficult to find, and so I compiled it into what I think is a decent timeline. I've also included some of my thoughts on what Rusty Quill has been through, and where it's going.
(check the end for associated footnotes!)
A Brief And Mostly Objective Timeline For Rusty Quill Ltd.
Alexander J. Newall wanted to start a company for creatives. His father (presumably) laid down the starting capital and Rusty Quill was founded 29th June 2015. Alex owned 99% of the company, John Newall, 1%. (1)
Alex reached out to a bunch of his improv friends and asked if they would participate in an actual-play podcast. Alex hadn't seen a fully produced actual-play with sound effects and background music and he wanted to fill that niche in the market. James Ross, Bryn Monroe, and Lydia Nicholas all agreed. Tim Meredith was otherwise engaged, but said his brother Ben would be up for it. Rusty Quill Gaming (RQG) was born and started airing episodes in June 2015.
Meanwhile, besides running, editing, producing, directing, and mastering RQG, Alex also worked nights at an extremely boring data entry job James Ross set up for him. James also helped Jonny Sims get that same job (2). At the time, Jonny was playing gigs with his band The Mechanisms, but his passion was for writing. The Mechanisms were a folk band that reimagined classic stories/myths to music with hefty narrative pieces, which has obvious applicability to a podcast company. Because of this fortuitousness, sometime in 2013-14, Alex and Jonny met and found that they were both highly creative people who desperately wanted out of this job. Jonny invited Alex to a Mechanisms show at the Edinburgh Fringe.
Alex loved The Mechs show. He was convinced he must work with Jonny on something. Jonny had a few ideas and pitched what would become The Magnus Archives, though it was first more of a Twilight Zone anthology, which is why the "narrator" had Jonny's name. Alex wanted to add more of a narrative framework and they shaped it together, all five seasons, so that it was cohesive the whole way through. Some things did, organically, pop up later. For instance, Martin started mainly as a foil to Jon, and only became the love interest after a bit of writing.
Around 2018, Patreon funding eventually allowed RQ to build a studio in Rusty Towers that enabled them to record their high-quality audio (3). Before that, they were - at various times - recording in a ‘yurt’ made of blankets and duvets for most of season one (usually at James Ross’ house or Martyn’s hallway, since Alex was - at that point - intermittently homeless due to asbestos problems).(4)
In 2016, RQ set up the Rusty Quill Forums, an official RQ fan-space where fans could interact with each other and RQ members. (5) This early arena for interaction would precipitate the more immediate (and much larger) Discord, Rusty Quill Official. Anil Godigamuwe, Community Manager, was the main force behind running and moderating the forums.
2016 was also the year that Mike Lebeau decided to gather a few people to play games and raise money for charity in what would become the predecessor to Rusty Quill Giving and Gaming. This event involved only Mike, Bryn, Ben, Anil, and Martyn Pratt (Chief Technology Officer). It only lasted twelve hours and they raised £700. (6)
Late 2017, Rusty Quill, in association with Historic Royal Palaces, released Outliers, a historical fiction podcast. Probably the least known of RQ’s podcasts, but very good and well-done. (Yes, this is a plug for Outliers. Go listen! It's great!)
In 2018, the Rusty Quill Official Discord server (RQO) went live and most of the fans from the forums moved there. (7)
February 15, 2019, Stellar Firma, the improv comedy sci-fi show starring Tim and Ben Meredith, began airing.
Mike wanted to explore more of the video side of creating. On January 25, 2020, RQ Streams launched, and soon there was a decent amount of content generated on RQ’s Twitch channel. Video content would gain traction in the form of New Player Challenge (NPC). Many RQ members would stream, including Anil, Autumn, several editors, and Helen Gould (member of Rusty Quill Gaming and later promoted to Head of Inclusion). The streams would get big enough that RQ would eventually hire a few mods specifically for the streams (30). RQ Streams wasn't fiscally sound as a primary source of income, but streaming helped encourage community engagement.
In February 2020, Alex gave an interview to Haggis and Dragons at PodUK. The host asked why, despite their success, Rusty Quill hadn't been present at many events such as PodUK before. Alex responded that the company was dedicated to making sure they took care of their people first, but now that all the finicky backend admin stuff was finished, they could do fun things like conventions. (8)
A month later, COVID-19 shut down the world.
At this point, TMA had been running for four years, and - while relatively successful and critically admired- was still a smallish podcast, especially when measured against engagement levels of other fiction podcasts at the time. Whether COVID, the whim of Tumblr, or a spark that refused dim, the fuse on TMA had been lit. It would jump sharply with the season four finale in Halloween 2019, but when season five premiered on April 2, 2020, TMA was at its second highest peak in popularity , its highest only a month away. It would maintain a high level of engagement until the series finale in March 2021. (9) Whatever the reason, TMA had exploded, and no one could've predicted it.
In July 2020, Hannah Brankin, Chief Operations Officer and spouse of Alex Newall, became a director in the Rusty Quill company. (10)
In August 2020, Autumn Jarvis (longtime fan of RQ) with a history of convention organization came on as Community Assistant. (11) This role promoted her to Head Moderator of the Discord (RQO), coordinating communication between the Discord mods and RQ admin. RQ hired her to help Anil, as at this point, RQO had nearly 8000 members.
The official Rusty Quill Discord server (RQO) went from a reasonable 1000 participants to nearly 14,000 before its shutdown in September 2021. In August 2020 (a few days after Autumn took over), a group raided RQO, proclaiming issues of racism, ableism, and other accusations directed at Rusty Quill, but also at the volunteer mods. It was the only major attack, but from time to time small incursions would occur thereafter. RQO’s many mods (at least 11, at one point) were unpaid. Whether or not that was a good business decision is debatable, but mods were responsible for monitoring content that was Patreon-exclusive, so one might think a Patreon subscription should’ve been included.
April 2, 2021, Patreon-exclusive Inexplicables began airing. The show was initially met with a lot of positive feedback and excitement. The RQO channels were full of theorizing and chat, which Alex could be seen reading. While Inexplicables seemed ripe for a sequel, there have been no indications of future content.
In May of 2021, Rusty Quill launched the Rusty Quill Network. Many felt the network wasn’t explained sufficiently, but subsequent clarification from Autumn verified that RQ was not doing any of the following for the new shows that would be included under the network’s umbrella: producing, funding, editing, or creating. Apparently, the RQN was designed to act as a distribution and collective bargaining service. Unfortunately, this aspect was never made explicit to the fans by official RQ channels.
In September of 2021, Autumn was terminated. While Autumn has stated the reason she was terminated, it was on a private server and because RQ has made no official statement regarding the termination, I won’t share that information. RQ did ask if she would like to appeal the decision, but Autumn declined. Later, the mods organized a walkout in protest and quit. Only the mod known as Crunchy remained, and was the last one to close out the server. Later, he would admit that the mods actively decided not to include him in this decision. (12) While there were RQ Streams mods, they, unfortunately, didn’t have as much power as the Discord mods and were unable to assist much (30). RQ released a statement on September 15, 2021 regarding the closing of the Discord and the mod walk-out, and RQO has been dark ever since. (13)
RQ Streams, it’s worth mentioning at this point, had some mods specifically for streams, but also relied on the Discord mods to moderate the chat during streams (30). Ultimately, when the mods walked out, RQ Streams was also forced to stop.
Since the mod walkout, any events run and sponsored by RQ have been modded by volunteers, and usually small enough that it hasn’t become an issue (RQGG21 being modded by some Discord mods, with other Gather events modded mostly by RQ employees) (30).
April 26, 2022, Chapter and Multiverse, the analogous successor to Rusty Quill Gaming run by Maddy Searle, the former lead editor of Stellar Firma, began airing. It would conclude its first season in August. While RQ has indicated that C&M will continue, it has been postponed until 2023. However, Maddy Searle posted a tweet (since deleted) indicating she is no longer employed at Rusty Quill. After claims that Maddy was reprimanded and forced to take down the tweet, RQ would later clarify that they have a 48 hour confidentiality policy regarding things like that, and that's why they requested the removal of the tweet for that time. Maddy hasn't reposted the tweet, or commented publicly on her reasons for doing so.
On June 10, 2022, Mike announced he was leaving Rusty Quill. (14) Although others had also streamed on RQ’s Twitch in the past, he was the primary force driving its relevance and the channel has remained mostly unused since the aforementioned Discord mod walkout, most likely citing lack of moderation as a main concern.
August 2, 2022, the original RQ production Trice Forgotten premiered. Trice Forgotten continues to update.
As per the September 21, 2022 Patreon email, Cry Havoc! and Neon Inkwell, the other RQ original productions, have been postponed to 2023. (29)
With their three original podcasts completed and many future projects postponed, Rusty Quill had reached a quiescent stage. Patreon emails were sparse and while RQ maintained a loyal base, activity around the company had slowed.
Then -
October 10th, 2022 a string of strange letters appeared in a Patreon email. (15) Fandom quickly deduced that it wasn't a mistake, but rather a cipher. A Discord server dedicated to cracking the code sprang up almost immediately and fandom deciphered the cryptic letters in a few hours. This began a mini-ARG leading to the announcement of a Magnus Archives "side-quel": The Magnus Protocol. On a subsequent livestream, Alex confirmed the sequel and announced that the project would be fully funded by a Kickstarter. No money would be taken from Patreon, current or proposed shows, income generated through ads, agreements, merch, RQN residuals, etc. (16)
The Magnus Protocol Kickstarter launched November 22. It was fully funded in less than one minute, and as-of publishing this post is currently at £ 624,268, 4162% of their original goal. Release for the project is expected in October 2023 and is said to follow two British civil servants, Alice and Sam, as they deal with the legacy of the burned-down Magnus Institute of Manchester. Curious, as the Magnus Institute from the original series was very much based in London. (17)
On December 12, 2022, Newt Schottelkotte - marketing director for the Fable and Folly podcast network - released an opinion article on Medium detailing several allegations against Rusty Quill. (18) Schottelkotte submitted the article to several publications that declined to publish it. They decided to self-publish on Medium, which allows for independent publication. In good faith, I won’t presume this was a targeted attack by another network, but rather the opinion of a contingent of industry professionals who tried to represent those allegedly wronged by Rusty Quill as a production company (perhaps taking advantage of the timing of the new Kickstarter to gain traction for their post - but that one can only leave to speculation). The testimonies were anonymous.
December 13, 2022, after a resulting influx of polarizing social media posts, RQ released an official response to the Medium article, refuting most points raised. (19)
Now, before I get into less fact-based territory, and knowing RQ intends to announce a more recent Operations Update in the new year, I feel it's relevant going forward to mention that for all the talk surrounding both sides of the story, the composition of Rusty Quill is not as large as some might think, considering the assumptions of some of the claims. In 2021 the company conducted a voluntary internal census on company makeup and satisfaction. (20) At the time they had 28 employees. 23 responded, and here are a few interesting tidbits they had to say:
91% identify as Neurodivergent
30% identify as non-cisgender; 48% identify as female, 26% as male, and 26% as not exclusively one of those categories
30% are people of color
30% identify as bisexual, 9% pansexual, & 9% queer. 26% identify as heterosexual. These numbers may or may not include the 17% who identify as asexual.
This census doesn’t include individual contractors (which comprises most of their editors and voice actors). In the census, RQ recognized their huge deficit in hiring people of color. RQ maintains a flat pay structure across all departments (including leadership), which - thanks to Patreon funding - stands above the London cost of living rate. (21)
The Less Than Objective Part
Rusty Quill is a small company. The average number of employees for 2022 was 21. (22) This number doesn't reflect possible layoffs/terminations since then. Most of its voice actors and editors are contracted. This is intended partially to allow flexibility on both RQ and the contractors’ part as well as enable RQ to diversify their talent without the contractual obligation of employment (the UK doesn’t recognize ‘at-will’ employment; termination must be for a cause). Meaning that even if the company finds itself in the position of having to terminate employees, it maintains the possibility of working with those same people as contractors to help out RQ financially, but also to allow those employees to find more stable or long term jobs in the interim.
However, holding onto only an essential team of staff (as you find in any small company, but especially in an industry without historical regulation - often relying on a presumed integrity of nebulous industry standards, as opposed to codified protections) employees are often forced to wear many hats. Most often voluntarily, but often to their detriment. This manifested in such things as Autumn transcribing Stellar Firma, without any transcription experience, or the continual mishap of Alex or Hannah responding to delicate situations with off-the-cuff inexpertise (generally sweet and earnest, but not as diplomatic or clear as needed - something that larger companies potentially avoid with dedicated teams regarding media training), but is perhaps most apparent in the early stages of RQG and TMA where Alex, in addition to being a primary player/voice actor, did the majority of the editing and mastering until Lowri Ann Davies joined halfway through RQG. Based exclusively on the runtimes of RQG episodes/specials (not including how long it actually took to edit down recorded footage to what we hear), Alex edited a total of 217 hours of RQG, over 9 whole days, or nearly 83% of the content. (23) Early specials, behind the scenes specials, and Q&As often contain jokes about Alex needing to sleep. This sort of work-life balance should not be necessary for success, but many creatives know that it’s the unfortunate reality for many startups without the resources of a major media network backing them.
And, as evidenced here, despite its exposure and popularity Rusty Quill’s resources were limited from the start. Alex and Hannah, as directors and main shareholders in the company, are solely responsible for the company’s fiscal viability. As such, I think this has led to some decisions where one or both of them have taken over projects or refused to delegate when it would have better served that project or even themselves. But there’s also something to be said for a duty of care, and the difficulty of giving that up.
In such an environment, it’s not surprising that a large part of smaller podcasting companies’ revenue is generated through fan-funding. The grassroots organization of a devoted fanbase can help grow a company without access to other funds or a robust marketing budget. Steady patreon subscriptions can make up for periods of instability in advertising returns, but issues begin to arise when companies encounter something like RQ did: an explosion in popularity that lacked sustainability, and the contingencies and strategies to deal with that. However, it’s a double-edged sword. The importance of Patreon and fan goodwill can help create the mentality that RQ owes the fans something. Nothing in Patreon's TOS requires artists to offer rewards; the idea behind Patreon - at least to me - is that in exchange of supporting someone making art you enjoy, you occasionally get glimpses into the creative process behind that art. This idea has evolved over the years, but I think Patreon has become, to some people, more transactional: I pay you five dollars, you give me one piece of art. This more give-take mentality can lead to feelings of ownership; fans pay for RQ to exist, therefore they should have a say in how RQ conducts its business. Whether RQ views it that way or not.
RQ has begun to diversify their income, however, with the creation of the RQN, where they get fees from providing marketing and distribution services for other podcasts. Although RQ has experienced a drop in Patrons, it has returned to subscription levels similar to those before the meteoric rise of TMA and is hopefully navigating towards finding a balance between delivering what fans want without enabling an unhealthy relationship of catering to what’s profitable instead of what they want and are excited about making. (24)
Fandom and The Illusion of Closeness
There’s no denying that many creatives have an intimate relationship with their audience, especially smaller and/or newer ventures. RQ had, for a long time, quite a close relationship with its fans. It’s still visible in the old forums, where Alex, Mike, and Anil could be seen posting with regularity. There are many images from past RQGGs (even up to RQGG19) where RQ staff and fans casually mingled.
However, there is an issue with something like Discord where the immediacy of contact creates the illusion of intimacy. The ability to ping a creator facilitates the idea that the creator is therefore available and willing to be pinged. It’s not so much an issue when there are 1000 people on a server with only a hundred or so active, and only a fraction of them irregularly contacting creatives. When that number goes up, even proportionally, it results in a huge uptick in forced contact. It’s been theorized that both Jonny Sims and Ben Meredith stepped back from the Discord server because of crossed boundaries. Another staff member had a fan harass them to the point of needing to block said fan and the fan was eventually banned from RQO by the mods.
On the other hand, Community Manager Anil continued to always be available and Alex & Hannah would occasionally hop on and respond when they were active. This apparent ease of access can trick people into believing that they are close to the creators, and the illusion of this perceived relationship can be problematic for both parties.
In these circumstances it’s natural for creators to develop a persona to protect themselves. There’s nothing wrong with this and it is, in fact, a healthy and smart thing to do; the person fans interact with is not, exactly, who that person is. Not to say they’re fake or lying, but that creators deserve a degree of privacy that comes from concealing certain things about themselves that fans aren’t - and shouldn’t be - privy to. Fans’ insistence on access to creators and their secrets can be extremely difficult and exhausting, especially for creators who don’t have a publicity or security team. For instance, Jonny was forced to reveal his past with drug abuse when people incessantly questioned and berated him about his portrayal of drug abuse in "Strung Out," a season five episode of TMA (notably also when the fandom had exploded beyond the comfortable community of its earlier seasons). Fan entitlement to knowledge about creators and access to them can be particularly egregious in this sort of setting where the creators are trying to maintain the intimate community they used to enjoy, one that (at least in the initial stages) they relied on financially, while dealing with a huge influx of new fans. Even Critical Role, arguably the largest podcast in the actual-play genre, has suffered from a similar issue, though the actors in CR have much more experience than RQ.
Rusty Quill is a business and their dealings are of proprietary interest. Like any other entertainment company, they produce a product for consumption but the way they run internally isn’t something consumers are (or should be) privy to - barring gross mistreatment which, despite claims, hasn’t been proven. When Autumn was terminated, RQ didn’t release an official statement on what led to the termination. While many fans wanted to know, RQ has no obligation to reveal internal processes like hiring/firing, especially if details of such could affect an employee’s future employment. Identifying particular employees as responsible for certain policies or potentially upsetting updates could open that employee to threats or harassment (which RQ experienced before).
The Disproportionate Critique of Small Creators
It would be ridiculous to assert that Rusty Quill has never made a mistake - sometimes repeatedly - or a misstep. They’ve issued an apology multiple times for the lack of sensitivity in their content or a miscommunication on their end. Miscommunication was, in fact, a key factor in why the Discord mods left. RQ tried to preemptively combat these issues by hiring Helen Gould as a sensitivity director to ensure their content had been looked over for things that could be harmful. Given their company makeup and the composition of their talent - both writing and on-air - RQ has tried to diversify itself so that their content doesn’t come solely from the perspective of cishet white male. Stellar Firma would be the only show to suffer from this, however, it’s worth mentioning that on the production side Maddy Searle and Katie Seaton seem to have been brought on intentionally to avoid, or at least ameliorate this issue.
There is a pervasive issue with fandom as a whole to apply a more rigorous rubric against smaller and/or indie companies producing entertainment because they’re accessible. It’s easy to see why this phenomenon exists; when a person sees that they can speak to a creator directly, that the creator might respond specifically to those critiques. It can feel as if the consumer has more power in the relationship. Complaining about Disney cutting out a lesbian kiss in Star Wars, for example, will never reach Bob Iger, but if you want to talk to James D’Amato about a choice he made in the most recent Skyjacks episodes, he’s almost certainly going to respond. By feeling more intimately connected to creators, fans can feel empowered to be more aggressive in their criticisms.
A sustainable medium must exist between the two extremes of critique. A small indie company like Rusty Quill cannot be above criticism because of its size or its intention to do better - at some point, it must actually be doing better (which, I believe, it has and is consistently endeavoring to). Conversely, it can’t be upheld to a stricter standard than a larger company purely because its creators are accessible and will directly encounter the critique aimed at them. Rusty Quill has expanded their base of collaborators - which includes having an open pitch form to allow anyone to submit ideas - and made headway on wider and more accurate representation in their shows. There are certainly other shows and companies tackling and portraying difficult issues and diversity with a better outcome than Rusty Quill. That doesn't detract from the efforts RQ is making and shouldn't invite a disproportionate level of critique.
So What Now?
While it is fair to offer critique aimed at Rusty Quill and what it does, I think the benefits of this coming from a large audience diminish due to a few factors: quantity with no control for quality, purity culture, and entitlement. These things could comprise a much much longer essay, but I’ll be brief.
One of the huge benefits RQ got out of early Patreon release on the Discord was a limited quantity of feedback. Alex would show up to ask about the sound quality: if anything seemed off or if we had comments or noticed something. Anil would collect extra content warnings if needed, and some titles even changed when fans pointed out redundancies. Both Alex and (to a much stronger degree) Helen interacted with patrons about Inexplicables, including thoughts and theories. At one point, RQ created a gaming system called Ensemble and elicited feedback from people, encouraging them to play. These comments and critique are very helpful for RQ because of their pointedness. Contrast this to the response to the s5 TMA episode “Strung Out" - or the controversy surrounding a later episode’s perceived insensitivity to current events, necessitating a warning and apology before the usual opening theme (a perception generated before the public launch of the episode, stoked by assumptions and Twitter discourse).
Fandom as a whole has veered bizarrely into an obsession with purity - if something isn’t perfect, then it shouldn’t exist. RQ will not and cannot get everything right. It’s not a format made for easy editing and revision after the fact. It can be lauded for its achievements and persuaded to do better in a way that isn’t overly aggressive or hyperbolic. People tend to forgive mistakes if they like something and focus on them if they don’t, but it’s better to avoid assigning a moral value to something like representation - the effort and commitment is important. (For clarity - I believe it is moral and ethical to do everything you can to achieve accurate and diverse representation. The morality I reference here is more in regards to labeling something, irredeemably, as bad just because it doesn’t live up to your expectations).
Not to be repetitive, but fans in smaller fandoms often feel a sense of entitlement because of their ease of access to creators. If Alex is right there talking about the Trice Forgotten schedule, why shouldn’t he answer a prod about the continuation of Chapter & Multiverse??? The answer is that he’s updating you on Trice - not Chapter. Fans are not, and shouldn’t be, part of the internal machinations of a company, however close they feel, and why certain things happen or when isn’t always going to be obvious. RQ has varying degrees of success when it comes to updating their fans about timelines or happenings in the company, and while there is definitely room for improvement, overall, it shouldn’t be a requirement or expectation. That is to say - the relentless inundation of tangential comments or questions offers no benefit and can impose an increasing feeling of frustration: for the company, for the fan asking, and for the fans witnessing. Not even mentioning the personel issue. RQ has shown a willingness to acknowledge, apologize, and modify their content when there are complaints made against it. Because RQ has acted this way, it might invite the idea that they should have the same transparency and openness to comment about the way their business runs; of which they have no obligation to do so, and in many instances, definitely should not.
For instance, several people may have been let go from Rusty Quill recently, probably because of financial issues due to the downturn in the UK economy (see RQ’s statement for more specific reasoning). Although it is tempting to be angry or upset about it, businesses make decisions involving structure and the reorganization of employees in their company all the time. For a variety of reasons. Lay-offs or terminations may be needed in order to keep a company afloat. Often these legal reasons and internal processes cannot be disclosed, and barring that the individuals involved may not have consented to their information becoming public - despite audiences wanting to see corporate due diligence. The point is that while it might be comforting to know why things happened, ultimately it isn’t reasonable to expect a company to share those details or any others that have to do with its internal running or function.
Moving Forward
Rusty Quill is in a precarious position. The unexpected juggernaut of The Magnus Archives turned them from a small, emergent company to a well-known name in the podcast community. They were unprepared for it, very few people could be, and nearly three years later they’re still struggling to find a sustainable balance. RQ has had to adjust to the influx of fans, fan opinions, money, and the resulting issues of accountability. And now that TMA is over, they’ve had some time to try to adjust to not having that same monetary inflow. Whatever outward critique can be placed on them for how they’ve handled the transition, the formation of Rusty Quill Network seems to have leveled out their income in a way that will enable them to stay solvent, even if it means occasionally stopping to restructure and reorient. There is no provable model for success.
While some detractors may claim that the Magnus sequel Kickstarter is a huge windfall, it isn't necessarily so. Money made from a Kickstarter must go toward what is promised - hence the use of clearly stated stretch goals. It is against Kickstarter policy to give funds to charity, so the KS money will be used solely for projects relating to TMP. That money is spent and should be treated as thus and not a surge of new money into RQ’s coffers. It’s not a bail out. (25)
RQ has a brand that people trust and they should lean into that reputation, heavily promoting their new shows and focusing on getting those running. RQN seems instrumental in keeping the company afloat and therefore it’s understandable that so much time is spent introducing and promoting the shows taken under that umbrella (that’s part of the incentivizing service they offer RQN shows anyway), But RQ cannot expect the ad revenue from their new shows like they did with TMA and have to adjust accordingly. I hope RQ recognizes that they’re still mostly a small indie company with a surprise hit and allow themselves the restrictions - and responsibilities - of that.
As for fans, I think RQ should capitalize on the good favor they have and reengage the fandom in an appropriate manner. Livestreams are wonderful, but should automatically have slowmode to at least 30 seconds on any stream, 60 on a huge one (like the KS promotion livestream). It not only allows the on-air talent to catch some messages, but it allows the mods to filter easier. How they reestablish a team of mods is theirs to outline, but with better communication and potential benefits (i.e. a patreon subscription) it’s likely folks would be willing.
Secondly, I believe RQ should reinstate the forums. The benefit to something more static like forums (or reddit threads or whatever is similar) is the ease of moderation and the forced expansion of time. Without the instant chat function of Discord, it isn’t as overwhelming to participate in forums or threads. These should be official RQ forums and moderated (which won’t be as difficult as a Discord). As mentioned, compensation is a tricky subject because when you start paying ‘volunteers’ they can claim employment and it opens up RQ to a whole swath of responsibilities. A “Mod Team” shirt or pin, a patreon subscription, maybe some mod-creator meetups could be provided for services rendered.
RQ could possibly look into reopening the Discord, perhaps limiting it to patrons. While that would make it more manageable, it potentially leads to issues involving classism or elitism. It could also exacerbate the earlier issue of fan entitlement. If RQ decides to reopen the Discord, they should do so with a lot of consideration.
I'm a huge fan of Rusty Quill. There are plenty of times I’ve been frustrated or disappointed with them, but at its heart, it tries to accomplish what I think to be a noble and admirable goal. Rusty Quill seeks to create good art with an emphasis on highlighting diverse voices that might not otherwise get a chance to perform. And, from what I’ve seen despite some ups and downs, tries to do their best to create sustainable income for those they bring along as collaborators. The love the team has for storycrafting is obvious and that - along with their community - is where they should focus.
EDIT:
I started this post about three weeks ago, so the Medium article was a big surprise. I won’t dissect the article because that’s not my goal, but I do have a few thoughts.
So, let's address the article on Medium.
Here is the article so you can read it for yourself. https://medium.com/@newtschott/whos-afraid-of-alex-j-newall-ae3a67f3a5e1
Here is Rusty Quill's response: https://rustyquill.com/2022/12/13/public-response-to-an-opinion-piece/
This tumblr post speaks about an inaccurate quote that the article mentions, and I think is relevant: https://www.tumblr.com/dadhuddle/703488191401984000/journalistic-integrity-re-newt-schottelkottes-rq?source=share.
Here is a link to a tumblr post from Harlan Guthrie, creator of the Malevolent podcast, which is part of the RQN. I felt it important to get a point of view of someone involved in the network. https://www.tumblr.com/malevolentcast/703493906802868224/you-probably-already-know-about-this-but-an?source=share
The issues the article raises are very important. If these allegations are true, they need to be addressed. Newt being the marketing director of a rival podcast company and failing to disclose this for several hours casts the entire article in doubt because the conflict of interest is something ethical journalists would've avoided. (26) Newt also favorably compared RQ's practices to Fable and Folly. (27) Newt and the other two editors of the piece also provided their contact information to provide help with "research, job searches, and more" to former/current employees of RQ. (28) Neither of these things are inherently wrong, but Newt's connection to F&F casts them in a different light. This could possibly be construed as encouragement for current RQ employees or network shows to leave RQ for F&F. It's unfortunate, because this conversation needed to happen, especially if the purported issues are factual. Now there is a haze over the veracity of this article because of this lack of disclosure and the conflicts of interest from the author.
There has been some talk stating that podcast networks are not rivals. They can be friendly, they can share actors, they can share spaces. They almost certainly don't share profits. Every show added to a network brings in income for that network. If one of these networks dissolves, then the shows under its umbrella can move to one of the other networks, raising its profits. It's difficult to deny that one podcast network would benefit from the dissolution of another. I would identify that as rivals, even if they're friendly.
I don't believe that Fable and Folly had anything to do with this article. I don't even think Newt intended for them to be involved at all or for people to make that connection. It's the appearance of bias that muddies the waters. Most journalistic codes of ethics tell journalists to avoid conflicts of interest, real or perceived. If it seems a journalist has a stake in the outcome of a story, it compromises the neutrality and the authenticity of the piece.
And unfortunately, despite Newt's claims of a background in journalism (unverifiable at the time of posting this blog outside of editorial publications), the necessary practices to lend credence towards these allegations weren't followed.
This post represents my own opinions, based in my involvement in the community. I've tried to provide sources whenever I could, though much of it was lost when the RQ Discord shut down, or mired in the sheer breadth of content. If there's a blatant untruth, please let me know with supporting evidence so I can correct it.
Footnotes:
1. Establishment of the company and ownership as per the foundation documents.
2. Alex & Jonny working the same job James Ross gave them (160 Q&A)
3. Patreon funding builds new studio via Studio tour video: (the video is patron-only, so here is a screencap of Alex stating that Patreon funded the studio)
4. Alex was homeless for a while, retrospective 189.5 (amongst others)
5. Rusty Quill Forums https://rustyquill.proboards.com/board/1/general-board
6. RQ Forums post celebrating the first RQGG
7. Rusty Quill Official Discord goes live, via RQ Forums.
8. Haggis and Dragons interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkYsA50Ts9M&list=FLaf41raWk5sb2VhQcEcPpsg&index=27
(Alex talking about the company stepping back from the public 12:30)
9. Popularity of the term “the magnus archives” from Google Analytics
10. Hannah becomes director, via RQ filing documentation
11. Autumn becomes Community Assistant, via Patreon email
12. Rusty Quill’s official statement about mods walkout.
Announcement - plain text 15-09-21.pdf
13. Crunchy's tweet
14. Mike LeBeau leaves RQ, via his twitter
15. The first Magnus sequel ARG prompt, via Patreon email
16. Oct 24 Pre-Kickstarter Announcement Livestream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLOj5JKq-QU&t
17. The Magnus Protocol Kickstarter launch livestream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xk1hgVY2cc&t
18 Newt Schottelkotte's Medium piece: https://medium.com/@newtschott/whos-afraid-of-alex-j-newall-ae3a67f3a5e1
19 Rusty Quill's response to the Schottelkotte piece: https://rustyquill.com/2022/12/13/public-response-to-an-opinion-piece/
20. Rusty Quill internal census
21 The end of the RQ census summary:
22. Average number of employees at RQ in 2022, via RQ filing documentation
23. RQG editing stats, courtesy of the LOLOMG: A performance review by Oscar Wilde team (the team theorizes that Alex was still mastering during that early gap, but forgot to credit himself) [additional note: LOLOMG was a fan project to celebrate the end of Rusty Quill Gaming] note added 10am - incorrectly attributed, my deepest apologies to Straw and their team
24. Patreon retention stats, via Graphetron
25. Kickstarter use policy
26 The lack of disclosure on the initial posting of the Schottelkotte article.
27 Comparison of Fable and Folly's practices to Rusty Quill's.
28 Contact information for the writer and two editors given to current and ex Rusty Quill employees and network shows.
29 Patreon announcement of Cry Havoc! and Neon Inkwell postponement (I knew I had this lying around somewhere!)
30 Some additional information from Crunchy (thanks Crunchy!). sorry for the awful paint edit job (added 16/12/22 7pm)
#rusty quill#rusty quill drama#the magnus archives#rusty quill network#the magnus protocol#that's like just your opinion man
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