#i want to stay positive and act and help and shit i dont want to get desensitised to all of it and just wait for it to come

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

Oh god now that toh ends with luz being able to travel between worlds ppl are using that to dunk on amphibia. And now that belos died ppl are using that to dunk on su.

They are different shows people! They have different themes! Amphibia is a classic take on isekai as escapism! Marcy went to amphibia to avoid her real life and while she had fun she didnt mature until after she accepted she needed to embrace change in her life! Anne matured in amphibia bc she always recognized that she has her own life to get back to! Sasha matured after realizing that too! Leaving amphibia for good means to embrace the step out of childhood! Something thats inevitable for everyone!

The owl house is about finding a community in midst of ostracization! Luz stayed in the boiling isles because she found people who accepted her quirks! The boiling isles was in danger from a bigot and luz helps her new community defeat him! Its a very queer story! Community is the center of the story so it makes sense for luz to be able to go back to the boiling isles since shes maintaining her place in the community!

Steven universe is about choosing to be kind! Its that everyone has their own specific traumas that they can overcome with the right support! Its about surviving in a world of bigots at any cost, even if it you have to work with the bigots to carve out a space for the people you love! Because people like you exist and theres nothing anyone in power can do about it! Its also a very queer story! The diamonds can never stamp out the off colors because they will always be there! Steven works with the diamonds not because he likes them but because they can improve the world for his family if only he could get through to them! Hes rewarded for choosing to be kind with success because the theme of the show is hope! Hope that anyone can change! But even though the diamonds stop being fascist steven still doesnt like them because its not about forgiveness! Its about fixing things! Stevens just polite about it!

The owl house starts off with the assumption that everyone can change but its not about the potential its about the willingness to change! The focus is on belos, whos had every chance to turn his life around but will never admit that hes wrong! And the show posits that if someone isnt willing to change theyre not worth helping! Its not about whether or not the character is fascist its about if theyre willing to stop being fascist! Several characters stop being fascist and are welcomed by the characters with open arms belos just wasnt one of them! Several characters clean up their acts but dont adequately address the previous harm they did and are STILL fully forgiven eventually! For toh forgiveness is paired with fixing things you just need to give it time!

And theres an argument that some of these shows didnt do their themes well. If you wanted to portray amphibia as an escapism world that the girls need to leave behind to get to their richer futures then having them get such caring found families go against that by giving them a potential of a good life in the isekai world. Steven universe uses the diamonds as metaphors for mental illness and relationships but its hard to stick with that when you also need to consider the countless other gems they hurt. I think its also fair if people prefer one theme over another.

But a lot of stuff i see comparing these shows just go over surface similarities? Like oh shit! These two shows have the same character archetypes! They have the same inciting incident! This must mean that theyre exactly the same in everything but names and artstyle and are trying to say the exact same things! Like. No. Sometimes,,,,,two stories,,,,,,can talk about two different things,,,,,,,

[auspicioustidings]

You know how people call out to someone they trust when in the middle of a night terror/near death experience? Yeah, i dont see doll reader calling out to anyone in the 141, might not even remember the person they trust anymore just some random generic name like Emma or Nick or some shit so there isn't even enough to go on to try to track them down even if the 141 would let them

Not that they would, of course, at this point since readers their little doll now no one else's. It's just something that kinda needles at them, that when it came down to it doll didn't call out to one of their l big military guys to help but some fucker they can't even remember anymore

...not to be Zack Snyder but to really twist the knife I'd love that name to be significant. I want to say Gary, the man they couldn't save, specifically the man they couldn't save from the very same company that sent you.

While we are inserting old game characters into the reboot, let's shift it round a little. Gary was killed by the Shadows but he was taken first. They're not naïve, they know he would have been tortured to death and when they found his burned out body that was evident.

And it must be a coincidence that she knew someone called Gary, but they can't help but wonder just how long she had been with Philip Graves. It becomes an obsession, the idea of just how he broke her down to a doll. They hadn't really thought about it before because realistically they know they won't like the answer.

She's skittish around open water. She showers, but Gaz set up a romantic bath for his doll once and he saw the way panic seized her limbs before her brain just shut off, nothing left there but a doll. He knows what that means. He knows. He doesn't want to think about it.

Soap wants to play doctor and nurse with his toy. He waits until she is gone to throw up at how she reacted to him in a white coat, how she shook so violently at the sight of a needle. He took the jacket off, fucked her gentle, but he is not going to get the sight out of his mind.

For Price it's how she reacts to food. She hoards. She thinks he doesn't notice but he does, the only reason he doesn't "catch" her is because he is scared of how she will react. His little wife is conditioned to accept punishment, a raised voice and she is on her knees in a stress position, a burnt dinner and she puts herself in the little pantry, stays curled in the dark and cold until he tells her to come out.

Ghost knew from day one. He sees everything. If Roba had wanted him unmarked, he reckons it would have been far worse. Torturing someone while leaving them unmarred by it physically takes cruel creativity. Yeah he's a right bastard for accepting her as his slut, holding her down and unleashing all the violence inside of him, but he's helping the only way he knows how. She is never left unsure with him, she knows what he will give her and he never fucks with her head.

But even when they push the implications of how she acts away, when they try and work around it and not trigger memories in her, it still doesn't make her come to them for comfort. It is still Gary's name she calls to in fitful sleep.

[lyss-sketchbox]

My thoughts on Inazuma vs Natlan so far. Is that Inazuma dropped the ball. There's no questioning that. It was rushed and the resolution lacked weight, and it almost definitely needed a lot more space to breathe and probably would've benefited from the 5 act structure instead of speedrunning with 3 acts (such as needing actual time spent with the Watatsumi Resistance rather than spending like 30 minutes tops).

HOWEVER. I feel like the initial Act I-II of Inazuma did a great job established the STAKES. It showed us the very real damage being caused by the various unjust decrees and why people are fighting. Natlan I kinda felt like did a lot of telling instead of showing, and any potential stakes feel kinda... Unserious? Because no one's really seriously hurt and even if they're saying Natlan will explode soon, I'm not really feeling like it's as dire as they're trying to sell it.

BUT IVE BEEN INFORMED YOU CAN DO NATLAN OUT OF ORDER??? Like you could in theory do Natlan BEFORE Inazuma thru Fontaine (with the quick-start function) which is why Natlan is more 'self-contained' which is absolutely insane to me?? Like HELLO???

Overall, I feel like the concepts and plot presented in Natlan is fine. But they didn't do a good enough job of selling to me these things. Like the whole child soldiers stuff kjadf like we actually dwelled on it for longer than a millisecond, we'd probably realize that's super fucked up!! But instead we gloss over it, making the whole quest seem fairly light-hearted despite everything.

Rubs my hands together ok anon lets talk cuz yeah i have thoughts

About inazuma

I definitely agree with you that Act 1-2 (especially 1) of inazuma did well setting up and showing how much negative impact the shogun's rule has impacted the people:

Vision holders literally losing a chunk of themselves (or worst, their lives) from their vision being confiscated.

Non-vision holders risking their lives for helping said vision holders (the resistance)

International traders being stuck in the nation, repressed by local government, and scammed by local traders just to keep business alive.

Local government bloating the price of everything!!! (And being able to get discounts only if you have connections)

Corruption even in the highest positions (gestures at the Kujou clan)

Fatui meddling that lead to the deaths of many for profit

The shogun literally programmed her robot to be that heartless because she herself dont give a shit about any of these issues. As long as her eternity stays.

Fr after venti and zhongli, getting an archon that acts as a proper ruler of a nation AND an antagonist sounds COOL AS FUCK. The booba sword scene while yeah, boobs wooo, also was a wonderful show of her authority over her nation.

After that they tripped and fell in Watatsumi. While i appreciate the environmental story telling of Watatsumi's and Shogunate's bases during the war, we barely get enough time to do... ANYTHING of substance. If i remember correctly, we became team captain, then do a bunch of training and defeating vagrants (on our own because friendly npc fighters didnt exist yet) and thats it. Where is the plotting? Wheres the planning? It was all just an anime training montage we barely get to see or feel. I genuinely feel like we couldve just replaced the entire Watatsumi arc with 'the fatui is selling delusions to people with confiscated visions to help them cope with the lost so traveller go to the delusion factory' and NOTHING wouldve changed. Hell it wouldve made ALOT more sense why yae came to save us at the end if the whole thing happened in Narukami.

Also after all that SHOWING they did alot more TELLING about wooo how smart kokomi is she is so smart and cool and the savior of the resistance. Like girl the fatui had their grip on your soldiers to the point they almost didnt want to surrender their delusions what are you on about. While you can argue she was only a priestess before the war and had no war intellegence skills, the people prop her up as such, kujou sara took her seriously. So she has to have some merit. Well im not seeing any (fight me on this i dont fully remember what happens in watatsumi)

Also at the end we fight the literal dictator of the nation with the power of friendship then everyone and i mean EVERYONE forgave said dictator...... cool. They would definitely benefit from an extra act so that watatsumi adds to the idea that this civil war and the shoguns current decree is causing damage.

About AR

The thing is that the requirements for you to start Natlan AQ is to be AR 28 and finish Liyue AQ (which requires AR 29 for the entire thing). While starting Inazuma requires AR 30, Sumeru needs AR 35, and Fontaine needs AR 40 (highest AR requirement by far).

Id argue that each nation is supposed to be a self-contained story. Even so, based on AR requirements theyve been chronologically in order because you NEED to complete the previous AQ to start the next. EXCEPT for Natlan.

While this is obviously to be more open to new and returning players, it really.... decreases the stakes, like you would assume the more we progress the tougher challenges we will have to face. But Natlan? Nawww you can go to Natlan without fighting the dictator 👍

About Natlan

I AM ADDRESSING THE CHILD SOLDIER THING FIRST BECAUSE YES. THEY DEFINITELY DID ALOT MORE TELLING THAN SHOWING HOW THIS CHILD APPARENTLY CAN BE SENT TO WAR WITH A REAL CHANCE OF DYING!!!!! I talked about this before because they ironically did alot more showing how child like Kachina is which adds more to the FUCKING CHILD SOLDIER THING.

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WITH THIS??? Oh its our nations culture, its just the culture shock, OKAY YEAH BUT THE TRAVELLER AND PAIMON ARENT NATLAN NATIVES AND THEY DONT FEEL ANYTHING ABOUT THIS????? Wow yey cheer for the child to go to war! BRO SHE DIED AND WE WENT JACOOZIING WHILE WE WAIT FOR HER TO RETURN FROM WAR...............

ITS VERY OBVIOUS INFANTILIZATION BECAUSE IANSAN DIDNT FUCKING GET THE SAME TREATMENT. You know, the other small girl character there, nah she went to war just like Kachina, lived, and stood by the Archon and WAS READY TO THROW HANDS WITH A HARBINGER IF THE ARCHON DIDNT FUCKING FIGHT HIM HERSELF.

Everything just feels so.... chill? So relaxed with no stakes at all. I mean yeah the Abyss is creeping into the nation's roots but instead of sending armies we make it a tournament. Yeah people die in these excursions but we can revive them so we can ignore the horrors of experiencing death. Yeah the flames are dying so the archon has to give up some of her power to keep it lit but its okay! The harbinger is a gentleman that wont take this opportunity to do some scheming. We need the power of the chosen one of each tribes to save natlan but hey cant rush it! We got a year after all teehee.

Man. Head in hands. What the fuck.

Not even gonna go into the whole the archon is human but mavuika is the one that got reincarnated to retake the role just in time to solve a national crisis thing. Because i dont even know if THAT is accurate.

If they somehow trip and fall worse than inazuma id actually be amazed because the bar is very very low.

[sbk-zgvlt]

oooh more yuu meets sebek first please!!!

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FAST??? BOOK 1 LETS GOO

Ace breaks into Ramshackle expecting NO ONE only to find a random guy, a cat, and a Diasomnia student

He faints/lh

When he wakes up Sebek and Yuu are arguing over him on whether or not they should let him stay

...both of him want him gone theyre just arguing over HOW they kick him out

"Is the collar a...weird kink thing?? Whats wrong with him" "WHAT THE HELL IS A KINK"

Ace tells them that he'll BEG them to let him stay ("Then beg :/"" - Sebek)

He ends up staying anyway. Loser

They find out WHY he got collared and both of them think "desurb"

They all head off to classes and everyone thinks thats the end of it!!!!

...Ace overhears that the housewarden's been extra pissy ever since he collared Ace, and hears that his roomie got dragged into it too

He bonded with roomie and now he feels bad but he wont admit it

Decides to ask Trey if theres a way where he can. Get the stupid collar off of him

"Bake a tart w me" "...what"

While making the tart Trey reveals why Riddle's the way he is to him. Ace calls him out for his bullshit amen

Meanwhile Sebek and Yuu are attending their own classes 🔥🔥🔥 When Yuu notices one of their classmates looks worse for wear

its Deuce!!! He's been given a lot of responsibilities for this upcoming unbirthday party. He says it might be because his roommate pissed off his housewarden because of a tart (Yuu flashbacks to Ace)

Feeling bad for the guy Yuu offers to help him and they get to Heartslabyul. Cater makes them paint roses w him 🔥🔥🔥

They figure out a way to appease Riddle by thinking of replacing the tart. Yuu asks Deuce why he's trying to a find a solution to a problem Ace caused. Deuce said he felt bad for him (You see, the Adeuce connection will always be universal. In this essay I will-)

So, TWO people are baking fucking tarts. Yippee.

Since Trey isnt available to help the gang with a tart since he's with Ace, they try to do it themselves (they fail lawl)

First, where the FUCK can they go. They dont have a kitchen. Yuu finds Sebek and asks him fi they can use Diasomnia's. Sebek says "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO USE MY DORMS OWN KITCHEN" (He lets them use his dorm's kitchen)

It makes for a funny sight. The loud, loyal freshman of Draconia ordering around a Heartslabyul guy and the Ramshackle prefect with their fire-vreathing cat.

Lilia tries to help them and Yuu, Deuce and Grim are almost fooled until literally HALF of the Diasomnia student body shout at him to NOT enter the kitchen- Sebek included

Sebek actually read through the Queen of Hearts' rules lawl. So theyre making a STRAWBERRY tart. Everyone say thank you Sebek

The whole time theyre making a tart Sebek looks...hopeful, that he'll see someone appear in the dorm. Deuce notices, but Grim is the only one who mentions it

Sebek just sighs and says that he was expecting for someone to be in the dorm. Theyre not. He looks a bit sad before screaming at Deuce that he's MESSING UP THE TART WHAT ARE YOU DOING

(They do not forget the sadness in his voice.)

TART IS READY 🔥🔥🔥 THEY HEAD TO HEARTSLABYUL

Just in time to see Ace presenting the tart to Riddle, who is absolutely FURIOUS

When they enter, all eyes go on the group, meaning Riddle sees THEIR tart as well. Sebek realizes with dawning horror that having TWO tarts that are not made with the same ingredients in an unbirthday party is breaking one of the Queen of Hearts' rules

Riddle is MORE pissed. Adeuce challenging Riddle for position of housewarden doesnt happen here because Riddle acts up much faster

He says that he cant believe that its just the first week and he has TWO incompetent freshmen already, questioning how they got into Night Raven College in the first place

Ace is okay with the shit talk towards him (He's not) but to DEUCE???? Fuck no (He punches Riddle lawl)

OVERBLOT 🔥🔥🔥

They...do not deliver the final blow to Riddle through a powerful magic spell

Yuu and Sebek rush to the front, both holding the plate with the strawberry tart and present it to him. Originally just for a distraction so the others could pull off the powerful magic spell

Riddle flashbacks to Trey and Chenya presenting him his own strawberry tart. And bawls. (DEFEATED WITH THE POWER OF COMFORT FOOD AND NOSTALGIA LETS FUCKING GOOO) (When i said canon divergent i really meant it)

I have no fucking idea how Yuu's thing with the whole. Seeing overblotee's tragic backstories goes BUT im going to play around with that and say that if someone's touching them, they also get sucked in

Guess who's touching Yuu's hand while holding the plate

HAHA CANON DIVERGENT BABY (Sebek and Yuu see through Riddle's memories)

Blot stone UNFORTUNATELY gets eaten by Grim this time. Sebek still tries to do the Heimlich maneuver on him

Everything goes the same, Ace doesnt accept Riddles apology and says that he has to make a tart and redo the unbirthday party, etc etc

Except Yuu doesnt know Sebek got sucked into Riddle's memories as well

...and the fact Sebek is there in the first place

Ace confronts Deuce about why the FUCK he had a tart with him, and Sebek reveals what Deuce was trying to do. Adeuce bonding 🫶

All is well. Everyone goes back to their dorms

...Sebek got locked out again (Yuu lets him stay over again)

Book 2 coming MAYBE 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[cutecherrygirl]

Skz 9th member

Okay so im starting this series because i want to. Its just a compilation of chaos and mess lol. But imma need your help, please write requests on what you want to see in this series 🤭

Okay so! You became stray kids member in 2020! Before you became a stray kids member you were under Big Hit entertainment in a girl group called moonlight! Since you were trainee under Big Hit you knew Lee know since he was bts backup dancer. However, he joined JYP and you two were sad to separate :(. Your girl group split up because the members wanted to quit. You went under JYP and he put you in skz :). The fans like you and your personality. Your position is : Lead singer, main rapper and maknae.

Your relationships with skz members:

Bang Chan

- Since you are maknae, Bangchan is is like your dad. He loves taking care of you but your also like a mom since you are the only girl in the group lol. You dont really like being taken care off but let him take care of you cuz you dont want to be mean lol.

Lee know

- you and lee know are old friends. You sometimes fight over choreography but solve it easily. You love when he brings his cats to the skz dorm.

Binnie (Changbin)

- you love treating Binnie like a baby! Sometimes you talk with him like mother would talk to a toddler or baby and he loves it! Like he would wake up from a name and you would go "who just woke up! Did Binnie woke up? Did Binnie had a good sleep?" Like that but in high pitched voice and he absolutely loves it.

Hyunjin

- you and Hyunjin aren close, you like same things and like to do same things. He sometimes invites you in his room so u can talk and drink tea. You love being in each others spaces and talk for hours until you cant think of any more fopics to talk about lol.

Han

- Han LOVES you. You and han are chaotic duo no one can separate. You are like twins, you two share a room and sleep on bunk beds, him on top and you on bottom. Every night, Bangchan is stressed out because you and han are running around the room screaming and singing, you guys play all the time and mostly before bed so you are really loud and chaotic. Sometimes, Chan even comes in room and scold you two or woop your asses so you finally shut up and sleep. you two are always together, but i mean ALWAYS. you always jump around, twerk together, scream the lyrics pf your favourite songs together, rap random shit together, eat together, cuddle, you sometimes even sleep in each others bed. You are always very loud around other members and chan has to separate you two durning interviews or important meetings cuz you cant stay still lol. You also love and take care of each other. He would often invite you to 3racha studio just because he can't be without you.

Felix

- you and Felix like to hang out. You're not particularly close but you have your moments. You like to bake together and watch stuff together. You often have different opinions on stuff so u discuss them together. You love listening to Felix sing and you love cuddling him. Sometimes you like giving each other fashion advices, he also likes sending you tik toks lol.

Seungmin

- you and Seungmin are very different, he prefers to stay quiet while you're loud. But he thinks you're amazing and is always trying to find a way to start conversation with you and talk to you. He is always shy around you and you think its adorable.

Jeongin

-he at first didn't really like you cuz u took his maknae spot lol. But as the time pass by he started loving you. You don't really like acting like the baby of the group. You treat Jeongin like a baby even tho he is older than you.

[lastoneout]

It really is wild to tell a doctor to their face that I have tried to "push myself" to regain my mobility and it put me on bedrest for like three fucking months only for them to be like "well have you tried pushing yourself to regain your mobility??" like bro going on a 15 minute slow-ass walk around my neighborhood once a day for a month took away what was left of my mobility for THREE months and my knee STILL hurts more now than it did before. Pushing myself lead to me permanently making my pain worse, not better.

I also wasn't kidding about the cooking thing, I broke down about not being able to cook because I love cooking so much and eating take out and boxed/frozen food all the time SUCKS so my fiancé helped me make just spaghetti one night, just sauce, cheese, and noodles, it took 45 minutes, I was wearing my knee brace, and I sat down as much as possible, and I was in so much pain by the end that I could barely stand. How do I "push myself" in this situation?? I can't even make a basic dinner for myself and my fiancé without having to give up doing anything else including showering and giving my cat her meds and shit like that for the entire rest of the day. How do I push from here??

Like I just genuinely don't know how you can hear all that and then say to my face that continually injuring myself in this way is going to yield positive results. Every time I have pushed I have limited my mobility further. My PT even TOLD me I shouldn't reach the point of being in actual pain while exercising, if I'm hurting really bad I need to stop so I don't injure myself. How does my PT know that when my fucking rhumatologist doesn't??? How does it not make sense for me even just stay mobile until I hit my limit and then use the wheelchair so hitting my limit doesn't mean "not being able to do anything for the next two days"?????

It's like they think I just started hurting and fucking gave up immediately. I was forced to quit my job THAT I LOVED SO MUCH because even when I hit the point where I could barely walk or sit without pain I didn't want to give it up, I kept pushing myself until my fiancé would have to practically carry my ass to the car at the end of my shifts, and it ended with me so disabled I still can't work. My fiancé legit has to constantly step in to stop me from pushing myself too far because I just want to do the things I want to do and I will hurt myself because of it!! I'm independent to a fault, I hate nothing more than admitting that I can't do something I want to do. Every shred of mobility I have sacrificed has been torn from my very unwilling hands, I haven't given up, I've had it taken from me. I never stopped trying to keep walking, keep working, keep cooking, keep going places, I had to stop because I had no other alternative. It was that or destroy my body. And tbh overall I still chose "destroy my body" more often than I should have.

But they still act like I'm giving up. Like it's me being lazy and stupid that got me here. Like if I was willing to just cope with the pain and not give up it would fix everything even though I already tried that.

I dont hate being disabled, I really don't, even though I've had to give up so much stuff. I grew up with a disabled mother, she's used a wheelchair my entire life and tbh I'm thankful because it seems to have spared me the all too familiar abled worldview that disability is something tragic and shameful and horrifying. It's just life, it's always just been my life, and becoming disabled was pretty easy to accept because I never saw it as a tragic fate to be avoided at all costs. This is the body I have, this is what it can and can't do, my life isn't over it's just different now, I'm allowed to mourn what I used to be able to do while recognizing that I can still live a full life with the right kind of medical care. Most of my frustration comes from people projecting their ableist feelings about disability onto me! It's why "oh but you're so young" comments make me want to deck people.

The only thing I hate about being disabled is other people and all their fucking issues that they keep projecting onto me. The way doctors act like it's better for me to give up everything I do just so I can eventually maybe regain some of my mobility rather than give me the help that would ACTUALLY make that possible. And I cannot stand the way I'm treated like some sort of stupid infant who doesn't have any idea what's best for her because I recognize my own limitations and ask for help. The pain isn't even the worst part, it's the dehumanization and infantilization. The insistence that suffering is better than "giving up" and using a mobility aid. The idea that something happening to someone like me is a tragedy and not just part of life. And the way it constantly makes me feel like I'm the problem when I fucking KNOW I'm not.

Every issue I have faced has been a result of the way other people have treated me. My mobility probably wouldn't even be as bad as it is now if my doctors had Fucking Listened To Me when I first brought up my chronic pain as a teenager, because if they had they would have figured out that I have EDS and will always be damaging my joints and thus need braces NOW to prevent that damage from progressing. I hate thinking about how not being taken seriously by doctors is what got me here in the first place. I'm so fucking tired of my fate being in the hands of people who won't help me and then blame ME for how bad I'm doing and insist I have no idea what I'm talking about and helping me would make things worse actually and have you tried just suffering more.

It's legit inhumane. I just want to be treated like a person, and maybe have some recognition for the way other people constantly make my life hell rather than people acting like I got myself into this situation when I fucking didn't, they did.

I was never the problem.

[meowchela]

random ass lps popular thought but i literally dont understand people who treat brooke like shes innocent solely because her mom is shitty??? like to me it seems like a very clear "villain origin story that explains why they are the way they are but doesn't redeem them". her mom is neglectful and abusive, yes, but a lot of her actions through the series are like. completely divorced from that conflict. brooke may be taking ques from her mom with the whole cutthroat social attitude she has going on but her actions are still very much her own, like she only got the baseline ideology of "you need to stay at the top to have any worth" from her mom and everything else (the manipulation, cheating, blackmail, etc) is all stuff she chose to do herself to attain that goal. and even THEN she's doing it all completely to serve herself, her mom couldn't care less about her daughter's status in high school. brooke probably knows this and is doing whatever she can to derive self worth from her social status alone because she's all too aware that her mom just doesnt give a shit. so everything she does is still on her

i guess a more succinct way of putting it is like. brooke's backstory is more of a frame for her mindset than something you should feel sorry for her over, yknow? because as badly as she's treated at home she turns around and treats everyone around her the exact same way. abuse is cyclical and it's crystal clear that brooke is willingly continuing the cycle because she's obsessed with the power it gives her, power that was stolen from her that she's now stealing from others. and the kicker here is she HAD chances to make positive changes, both with her dad treating her nicer while he was still alive which establishes that she does know how to be kind as well as savy being willing to reconnect and give her genuine friendship again which could've helped her out of this toxic mindset. but she threw both of those chances away because she's so power hungry and is CHOOSING to continue acting like her mom because that's what gets her the most power/worth.

she needs help, but she doesn't deserve forgiveness or sympathy because of all the heinous shit she's done. also, you can't help someone unless they accept the help and/or are willing to change, and we've seen that brooke is NOT willing to change at all. idk man i just dont think we should be so fast to absolve her of accountability when she hasn't shown any willingness to overcome her circumstances. like not even "oh i want to change but things are so hard" no she doesn't want to change full stop. shes stuck in her mindset and that's her downfall and that's the point

anyway brooke would fucking love marina and the diamonds. unrelated to everything

[colbystoes]

Acting?

Changbin x fem!reader

summary: you and changbin are actors and you get ahead of yourselfs while practicing for a scene.

—

You’re a famous actor. This is your 3rd drama with the famous Seo Changbin. Fans loved the chemistry between you too and you both got lucky to get the opportunity for another film.

The director, Mr. Park is currently showing changbin on how to lead me and get to the position as he wants to be acted. The director yells “ACTION” while you both get into the characters you play.

“but i dont want to be in this little game of yours anymore..” you stated stern getting ready for the worst answer you can ever get.

Changbin stays silent as he walks towards u, slightly making you bend on your bed backwards onto the pillow. The tension is thick and you block out everything except for your breathing. “I can’t stop until you accept me for the way i am..” he whispered as he leaned in as much as he can until the tips of your noses touch.

The eye contact is making the situation even more tense. “why do i always get myself into the worse situations with him.” He turns his head slightly and leans in, as you close your eyes you hear the director yell “CUT” and you open your eyes to see him still at the same position as he was before.

he sits back down relaxing as you both look up to listen what the director is gonna say. “I need you guys in the same position please, i need to help changbin on the way he bends.”

“now why do you make your body do that? this is how you do it” the director stayed while helping bin into the position. you giggle to yourself since hes always so stiff doing scenes like these.

The tension is thick once again. You wouldn’t think in a million years that you have fallen for this man but you did. It was impossible not to, the chemistry was crazy when you guys were on set so it was bound to happen.

your lips were so close. too close. the butterflies in your stomach fluttering making a small blush appear on your cheeks. “are you blushing?” changbin says snapping you back into reality. “oh shit.” you thought to yourself. The room was quiet, you look around and no staff was there.

“why did they leave?” you spat out, rubbing your hands on your pants while sitting up. “they got a lunch break i guess..” he says looking around.

“changbin..” you whispered. “mhm? whats wrong?” he answered back. “want to practice the.. know what never mind its stupid.” “no say it.” he said with curiosity. he leaned in but a little too close for comfort. You can feel his hot breath on your face.

“do you want to practice the kiss?..” you whispered once again. “sure, i was waiting for you to ask me that.”

“no your supposed to go like this!”

“no im literally on top of you theres no wrong way”

“NO its like this”

you push him slightly causing him to fall onto you make his lips crash onto yours. You relax unto the kiss and swing your arms around his neck. he slids his hands under you causing goosebumps to appear. He picks you up with ease and places you on his lap. You straddle his lap while his arms slide down to your waist and his hands on your ass.

The kiss starts to become sloppy but still as hungry as it was before. Your hands start to find their way down to his arms as you trace his biceps. He pulls away with swollen lips and a flustered face. He tucks your hair behind your ear while catching his breath. You just stare and take in his beauty. You never realized all the little details about him.

“will you be my girlfriend?” he asked staring deep into your eyes.

”yes” you exclaimed while hugging him hard making him fall back onto the bed.

You both lay there, enjoying both of your company. after a while, you feel him get up and set you down on the bed while tidying up himself.

“so you wanna practice again?” he asked with the biggest smile.

—

sooo idk how this turned out bc this is my first time ever writing abt him so lmk!!

[c0rpseductor]

have to explode about this somewhere or i simply will not make it

i am so fucking mad at my mom. i realize in isolation everything happening recently is totally innocuous and normal, it's just like. in context that it hurts.

i hate that she's sick with Probably Covid and asking me for a bunch of extra favors. i had to wash her a cup for water because she didn't feel good the other day, yesterday i had to do her laundry, today i had to cook for her. if this were like, between anybody else it would be fine. it's just like. agh

i feel so angry that she wants me to take care of her and i've ALWAYS taken care of her and i always feel like she just does not give a fuck about my most basic needs beyond "well, lestat's not dead!". it makes me feel ungrateful because i know she does nice stuff for me sometimes too, it's just like, it hurts when i always hide when i'm upset and barely ask her for anything even when i'm in such bad physical pain that i can't function. like most of the time if i'm too unwell to make something to eat i just go without food. i don't like asking her for things and i always feel like there's a limit to how often i can ask for her help, and that i have to be careful to mostly be a kind of pleasant background decoration that never imposes on her.

i always had to be her mom, ever since i was a kid. even when i was little she wasn't consistent and would berate me or get angry with me for just, like, being a kid and wanting or needing stuff. meanwhile i've always been like her little stuffed animal to talk to when she's sad. she always acted like she loves me so much and we're so close but mostly like i'm a possession of hers. i just like. i dont know. im so hung up on when she was drinking and high on coke and she said to me like, "oh id much rather just have a roommates relationship with you instead of being like mother and son." explains much about like, my Entire fucking childhood!

and then she takes credit for how i've turned out as if she raised me, like, i feel like not only did i raise myself but i'm raising her half the time trying to explain basic things about emotional regulation and hereditary mental issues and shit, being the first person she comes to for everything, always having to calm her down or support her when she's venting when i KNOW i can't rely on her in the same way or tell her any of the really challenging issues i have, like just. it's not fair. it's so tiring. materially i am very grateful that she is willing to let me stay with her and that she understands i'm disabled and can't work right now and tries to still help me live a comfortable life (and, cynically, i feel that she's kind of okay with me being in this kind of bad position as long as i don't leave), i know i'm lucky to have food and shelter and things like that.

i just like. man i don't know. i feel like i've been holding this back for days because i just fucking feel like it's so unfair that whenever mom feels bad i'm Favors Boy and i can be expected to do anything for her that she wants, but when i feel bad it's like, locking myself in the bathroom trying to cry quietly enough that she won't notice to clean off blood after cutting, or holing up in my room with a migraine and having to drag myself out of bed to use my Very Little Energy to make myself coffee or get water and then not being able to eat because im too tired to make myself anything substantial and god forbid i ask her, and then after i have my bad episode she's like Hey so i know you have a bad leg and stairs make it worse but i dont like taking out the trash so can that still be your job. it's not like the front steps are even THAT bad it's just like, ok, im so glad you thought about my limp. of course she wouldnt though it's literally her fault my leg is so fucked up and when i went to the hospital for it way back when and it didn't turn out to be a broken bone she was all like haha i told you so! and then laughed at me when i tripped and fell on my crutches coming home. she just does not give a fuck. but ohhhh lestat would you mind feeding me like a baby bird.....your poor old mother is so sick and feeble.....

[shoezuki]

Drunk Gep anon back at it again. How bout I call myself Whiskey🥃?

Fully agree. Dude didn't make it to Captain of the guard with little noodle arms and a weak stomach. I'dimagine Sampo'sbeen slung over his shoulder more than once lmfao. He's defo been shoving bite-sized anything in his gob since he could crawl.

Also love earnest Gep!!! Gepard being all soft and inquiring. Bet Sampo isn't used to havin someone so genuinely interested/knowing of him but so gentle about it, with no ulterior motive. He's got Natasha but she's more the loving yet serious sister who damn near KOs him with the first aid kit when he tries to sneak out whilst injured. Now you've got my head spinnin with ideas!!

May we also consider:

Sampo fucks up. Geppie started gettin soft, not quite drunk but enough to loosen him into sayin things that make Sampo's heart warm and hands fidget, and he just stopped keeping track of his drinks.

He's on cloud 9. Maybe? He's not exactly ecstatic but he's havin a pretty grand time. Maybe cloud 7? He doesn't remember when they left the bar but they've been wandering about for so long it's gotten dark and his mind's too foggy to recognise where they are.

He's also too loose lipped, knows he's being too honest, that his attempts to play off his words as jokes is too long winded and fake but he also can't quite remember what he's said???

Gepard is havin a grand time. He's pretty out of it but can at least walk this time. Happy to trail after Sampo, ask questions about obscure places they pass in the Underworld and about the people, before working up to talk about Sampo himself. How he's a pain in the ass but he admires his work ethic yada yada. He's unfamiliar with the area so he's hoping Sampo knows where they're going. He doesn't.

Neither of em make it home. Not even into a building. Sampo wakes up in the geomarrow equivalent of a tree, doesn't fall purely because he's damn near tied to the thing. There's more half empty bottles on the floor and Gepard has absolutely no clue where his jacket is and Sampo does not own a cane that embezzled, where did he get that?

There's an attempted 'arrest' of course. Gep may be off duty but he's nothing if not devoted to his role. They don't make it far and Bronya/Seele find them half curled up on the floor, holding their heads up against the cold brick XD.

The previous night's open-hearted discussion is blurred but not forgotten.

~ 🥃

GBFJDV GODDDDDD ANON UR SOF RCEYEKE. GOD. FICK SHIT...

Sampo stumbling into gepard at a bar nursing a drink, not tipsy but still loose enough to tell sampo to leave rather than tryna arrest him right away. Sampo obviously staying cuz this is a Great Opportunity no way hes letting this chance to break down geps walls slip thru his fingers.

And just. Sampo wanting to get gepard to open up to him and break down his barriers. Totally to get info out of him of course its not like hes infatuated with the man and wants to know him underneath his position as captain.

Sampo doesnt realize hes getting drunk too, opening up himself. Doesnt realize hes actually having fun w gepard and enjoying talking with him. Doesnt realize hes actually answering gepards questions, telling both personal things about himself and small inconsequential things that arent important but gepard acts like they are.

Gepards genuine So SO genuine and earnest. All kinds of 'youre a hard worker you do help the underworld a lot even if you pretend you dont' and 'i know some of those tips about illegal operations were from you sampo thank you' and 'i admire how focused and strong you are. If only youd put the criminal stuff behind you' and sampo isnt sure if its the liquor or gepard hes drunk off of.

And it ending with gepard having the fucking worst hangover of his life, sampo tied to a large stalagmite passed out and snoring. Gepard like 'god my head hurts. That was the best night of my life. Time to arrest him i guess' and seele being the one to find em bickering halfheartedly while gepard keeps trying to get handcuffs on sampo

[ceasarslegion]

I think one of the reasons the harassment post going around about me is making me so upset is not only because well, its a harassment post about me specifically that people are just uncritically sharing and has reached 2,000 notes now full of tags about how much i should kms and deserve to be shot and killed and how much of a fascist libtard i am based entirely on one meme post i made, but also because i have... already had a really rough month

This month alone i have been woken up at 3am to a slew of emergency texts of one of my best friends attempting suicide, ran to her apartment through sketchy alleyways because i have her spare key, didnt find her there, and had to play the waiting game as to whether or not she was still alive. She was, and went back to work the same day after refusing treatment. And then she just got back together with the guy who drove her to try it because "but i love him and he prommied real hard to change 🥺" and MOVED IN WITH HIM against everybodys screaming at her not to. Now we are in the awkward stage of not really talking to each other before the friendship probably dies out, after which i dont know what will happen to her, but i do have to accept the harsh reality that shes dug her own grave and i cant help her if shes going to act like this.

And then i got extremely harshly disciplined twice at work for stupid reasons. I was treated like a dumbass who cant do anything right because of other people's stupidity trickling down to me, and being blamed for the actions of passengers who didnt speak a lick of any language of any officer we had on the floor at the time and i couldnt effectively communicate the procedures i had to do with. It took me making a big X with my arms to get them to stop. And they treated me like i told them to do that

And then all my friends transfer to different airports because of a contractor switch giving them advancement opportunities as new positions get established. I dont want to advance yet personally, so i decided to stay where i am. Plus, im tied down here by a lease.

And then i wake up to someone spreading that about me yesterday. After i already feel like a piece of shit who cant do anything right and everybody hates or leaves at some point. So yeah its... its lingering a bit

Im sorry to beat a dead horse, ive just a rough month

[brainisonfire]

I really hope this won't come across as a way to compare different kinds of illnesses and struggles cause it's not, it's just stuff I thought about while listening to the great impersonator that I needed to share. at the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill bitch lol

i still need time to process this record well enough to be able to fully put into words the amount of things that im feeling, but this whole thing about this album is bringing back things. so im sorry if this is going to be sort of a trauma dump.

in february one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer, and even tho it's not my trauma and my loss to claim it hit harder than i expected (and yes, i do feel like shit for expecting it to hit less). my friend and i grew up basically as one, we've been together since we were three years old, we spent so many afternoons in her room playing with her mum. i knew that woman too well to act like it didn't hurt me as well, but im not going to pretend it's my loss to grieve. she had a family i need to stay closer than ever now.

all of this was to say that when she died something in my brain snapped. i had the kind of reaction that makes you go 'life is short. i can't keep wasting mine. anything could happen at any minute. i dont want to go with these many things left unsaid'. which felt insane, and also kind of bad if i have to be honest, because years ago when my father died i didn't have the clarity of mind to act the same way and i wish i did.

it lasted a few months and then i fell back into my usual mental patterns and old habits, which I'm definitely not proud of, but i really do believe that even tho i keep telling myself that i went back to therapy because i needed an ocd diagnosis and someone to help me manage it (which is something that was and still is definitely very real), i actually needed to know i was working in a direction where i could, someday, be at least well enough to be there for my friends when they need me. because i fear that, right now, I'm not. and it's not fair to them to always have to second guess if they can call me or not when they need a shoulder to lean on, especially when tragedies like that happen. i want to be able to give them my undivided attention, not to have to fight against my brain to be able to barely have the energy to listen to them.

it was weird to listen to this album and realise that I can (in my own personal way, i dont want it to sound like i know the exact same pain h experienced cause i didn't go through the same things she did) relate to both of the points of view. my chronic illness is not nearly as debilitating as what she had to go through, but in my tiny way I've been both the 'heavy heart' that's 'too much to hold' and the one that wanted to try to be there for someone else and couldn't because of my own issues. and I swear im trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes. im far from perfect, but I'm trying to show up more for the people that i love.

I'm not the kind of person that needs to do something big with their life or to give meaning to it etc, but i do need to know that it's worth it, that the bad parts are balanced by something positive. and, right now, i still dont know how to hope for things, cause a future is still not a concept i feel comfortable in yet. if i have to be completely honest i never pictured myself getting this far, but now that I'm here i might as well try to *actually* be here, at least for the people i care about. I can't do that if i dont start seriously working on things i avoided for ten years, and grief plays a huge part in this because spoiler: no matter how much time it passes, it still hurts.

i wish 13yo me didn't shut down completely and was able to process things instead, but apparently it's a job for 23yo me. i still need to fully accept that it is ok to miss my dad now even if i didn't let myself feel it for years, but i'm getting there. i have a million questions for him and I'll never get the answers. i still have to learn how to deal with it. this record hit like a ton of bricks.

so once again, after saving my ass with both badlands and manic at the most perfect time, h art came in at the right moment. i feel like something in me changed after listening to this album, exactly in the same way i felt in february. i felt my perspective shift again, for the better. I hope it'll last.

i might not be able to stitch my brain back together as fast as I'd like to, this shit will take time. i still have to fully convince myself that i can use the word 'will' instead of 'could' because i still dont really believe I'll make it lol, but one step at a time. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm trying.

i'm just so glad that i can do it while listening to the great impersonator. i needed this record so bad, it's unbelievable how someone who doesn't even know me is always able to give me exactly what i need when i need it. I'll forever be grateful for what she did and keeps doing for me through her music. this album means so much more than I'll ever be able to express

[ikram1909]

Players' salaries in 2024 via capology

Frenkie de Jong 37,5M

Robert Lewandowski 33,33M

Ilkay Gundogan 16,750M

Ansu Fati 13,950

Our four biggest earners are either washed or a liability (or both) and are paid a total of 100M aprox. Frenkie and Lewandowski alone are at +70M per salary which is INSANE. Imagine if we got ridden of them, the FFP would be totally different becuse of this ginoumous and undeserved wages.

Frenkie is 26 years old, has been being paid for more than 5 years this wages and still refuses to renew because we all know he will leave as a free agent to get the biggest bonuses in hia next club while milking us. 2024 and we still dont know which position he plays (cant score, cant assist, cant create chances, cant defend, cant do NOTHING) and he is injury prone developing clearly a chronical issue in his ankle (by the way, its very ovvious since he has veen out for more than two months for just an ankle sprain). Lewandowski is the same, he helped us at the beggining of his years as culer and after the WC he came back as washed as ever. Last season he got exposed and his declining is very obvious but he still deludes himself into believing he will be on his prime now that Flick is here (spoiler, it wont) and then be a rat talking in interviews on how its his teammates fault that they dont provide for him. This yeta his wages augemented because of some stupid clauses that I still cant believe how stupid our club is (they never think of long term so they threw money to a grandpa to get him), he started with around 22M wages per year and ended up with fucking 33M, dont yall see the problem here?. Gundogan os declining too, he is by far tge player that less participates in defensive tasks and pressing whichis something Flick demands, just another liability because his de jong ball watching costed us a lot. Also this man is annoying as fuck i cant believe coolers want bvb grandpas be our captains when he already made statements that provoked quarries inside the lockerroom because he cant shut the fuck up and has come savioue complex because he thinks because he won a treble at City then everyone is worse than him somehow. I'm sorry for Ansu but that contract....yeah i cant blame him since they gave him that when he was generational and the biggest prospect before the terrible injury, but he eatsa lot of FFP money for someone who has been disappeared for 2 yearss and went on loan because he wasnt part of the coach's plan, and the fact that he is injufy prone like now....it doesnt help, much less now that we have reports that insist that Ansu is still in the exit list so the board doesnt put too much faith on him

Other players' salaries

Clement Lenglet 12M

Ferran Torres 10M

Iñigo Martínez 9M

Do I really need to talk about them.... especially the first two twins. Some people say Lenglet is on 16M sages but the source I used had different numbers. This guy is the definition of getting paid for nothing, useless guy that is also a fucking shit pf player that gets paid millions amd contract ends in two years because of Bartomeu hell's tenure. We try to get rid off him but he comes back like fleas. Ferran Torres is the definitoln of victim of his price tag (cant believe we got him for 55M....) and the fact that media used the "ferran reduced his wages because he wanted to help the club to sign more players! Poor him" tella you enough hoa protected this dude is because rhey acted like he was getting paid 5 pens and a handkerchief and not more than players like Pedri or Gavi lol. This dude deceived everyone by delivering washed stats but staying with the shark mentality that everyone loves (????) And he pisses me off when he acts like he is an importsnt player but never showing it ("i cant wait for preseason snd work under Flick" *gets vacations after warming up the bench the whole summer*) and whats worse is that he doesnt want to live oh my god he is so annyogin. I dont want to be that harsh on Iñigo, he has been an alright signing, but too injury prone and warms a lot the bench, and sometimes he vn yave brainfarts like Napoli first leg or this years Gamper, i just think his wages are totally undeserved for a man in his thirties

They will all be our by 2026 hopefully

The way the more I read your ask, the closer I got to the edge 😭😭 how are all our highest earners a liability one way or another wtf??? Also, this just shows that there's really no difference between Bartomeu and Laporte. They make the same dumbass deals with salaries too high. It's also crazy to me that all these people earn much much more than our actual most important players who give us everything... It's unfair.

[alucart]

actually fuck it lmao

got hired late september. started actual work in october. started off as a seasonal worker. every day i woke up for work i was dreaded it. it was so much work. i was fatigued everyday but i still had to give it my all or else i was "lazy". if i moved too slow i was considered rude to customers. if i dont smile im rude. if i take a minute to process something then "something is wrong with me." like. Okay. lmao.

obviously when applying for jobs i dont list the fact that im bipolar. hell, i probably have adhd. but beside the point, the fact i have to act a certain way just to keep a job thats barely paying me shit was so. annoying. the fact that while working seasonal i had to put up with so much shit was ridiculous. november and december was so awful. im still mad i had to wake up at like 4am to get to work at 5am and then the store wasnt even busy until 12am. and we had to wear red and make sure everything was perfect bc the ceo was coming to the store? LMAO?

after my seasonal hours were over i thought i was free. i wasnt working for like two weeks but i at least got to spend time with my family. clean. take care of myself. i actually got back to drawing, something i havent been able to do for months. and then they called me back for a full time position. of course i took it because i wasnt finding anything else but it mightve been the worst mistake like ever.

like i must preface, that i got the job for the seasonal position in the first place without an interview, and like, yes i knew that was fishy at the start but also, ive been looking for a job for over two years so i was desperate. somehow the full time position was even worse than the seasonal position. my manager felt more annoying.

not to mention at this point they were making me do shit that i was never hired to do. why am i organizing clothes? i take returns? why are you making me cover in the handbags department? i work in returns and help people with online orders? why are you making me pack online orders? I WORK IN RETURNS, HELP PEOPLE WITH ONLINE ORDERS AND I HAVE PROCESS RETURNS FOR ORDER PICKUPS THAT WERE NEVER PICKED UP?

honestly madness. i had many breakdowns. over not wanting to go back to work. one time i had a stomach virus and had to stay home from work and was so miserable and literally panicking because i thought i could lose my job from being sick. i had a coworker that they also hired full time and she got fired because she "took too many breaks" meanwhile there was another coworker that took way more too many breaks.

while working there i saw many people get fired. like i dont know. and it was constantly understaffed. one time my manager asked me if i could work for 50 hrs one week and i told her "i'll think about it" only to find that weekend she changed my schedule without asking. (i had a breakdown that weekend).

when they had me set up my availability i had changed it so i would get mondays and tuesdays off because i realized i need two days off in a row instead of two random ass days and they didnt even. abide by that. and by the time it was like that on my schedule i already lost my job because i "violated company policy" because i accidentally scanned some fake coupons. which mind you, i never did anything wrong at the job beforehand so i shouldve really got a warning instead of being straight up fired.

but i honestly think they just wanted to get rid of me because i couldnt get enough people to sign up for a credit card, which again, i work in returns, so most people doing a return do not want to apply to a card. to expect someone in returns to have someone sign up for a fucking credit card everyday is insane. telling people that its not really a credit card is even more insane. the fact that im still stressed out over this because im fucking unemployed is. insane!!! and i dont even know if i can get unemployment. i feel like crying.

[fardf150]

oc lore dump again bc im bored ⬇️

so last time (like a year and a half ago... oops!) i mostly went over dick and neo but another rly important part of that story is dick's younger siblings

theyre a pair of identical twins, vince and kate. when they were in grade school and dick was in hs, their parents split and the boys stayed with their dad while kate went with mom... though neither was really better off than the other. shortly after (like idk 1-3 years at most) dick was kicked out and dad cut all contact with him.

at some point dad dies. mom is halfway across the country so vince ends up in dick's care. some time later, kate catches wind of this and bus hops all the way to dick's shitty apartment to be with her brothers. mom cant really be bothered to care. the boys are a little surprised to see how much shes changed, not even recognizing her when she first showed up. but theyre quick to support her anyway.

because of his younger siblings, dick starts wanting to be a better person (and also suddenly needs a better job). this both brings him and neo closer together, and sparks their main conflict(s) ("you were willing to change but not for me/you were the one who taught me i should be this way, why are you suddenly changing your mind?/you dont care about me enough")

the kids also have a little group of friends, though im not totally clear on them yet. theres sue-anna, who vince is closest to (and has a thing for). shes like if a horse girl acted like a wolf girl. also she actually works on a farm so she can lift all her friends easy. she wears dorothy braids all the time.

sue-anna's best friend is kiana, whos pretty similar to her personality-wise, though maybe a bit shyer. kiana's older sister janae hangs around their group sometimes; shes like if the cool older brother with a band archetype was a girl. kate really looks up to her.

a lot has changed w/ neo's origin and the general direction of the story but i actually want to do smth w it so i wont give away tooo much yet...

the gist tho is that after neo escapes the lab, the company that screwed his parents out of the rights to their work (and eventually liquidated everything dedicated to their research and shut everything down) finds him and acts like theyre the ones who were really invested in that research, and theyre SO glad theyve found him. does he want to hear about how terrible his parents were?

as for moo and nyra, most of what i had last time story-wise is the same, though i have a clearer idea of what the family looks like now.

nyra has a younger half sister, angelica (or smth idk), and theyre very close despite the ~4-6 year age gap. her stepdad's been around since before she was born, so hes really just her dad and her sister's just her sister to her. her parents both work in childcare in some capacity; her mom is a social worker and her dad works at a high school, so when moo comes into the picture, malnourished and seemingly frightened of almost everything, theyre all too ready to help.

moo also has an aunt, though for some reason his mom refuses to refer to her as her sister. she didnt even know moo existed until months into the story, and everyone is freaked out at first when she shows up. she quickly grows close to the family, though, and helps out however she can. while moo absolutely considers nyra and her family to be his own "real" family, he also thinks it's nice to have a positive connection to a bio relative.

i also have another set of them 🔥

so isaiah, stephen, and ruth all work in the same building, but completely different sections; isaiah is an engineer, stephen works in accounting, and ruth is a janitor. they end up crossing paths when all three of them end up in the basement at the same time, and everything goes to shit from there.

turns out theres this huge underground research lab underneath the building, but all of the equipment is long abandoned and shut down. there they find an ai, adam, and they instantly have to start running. guess it was abandoned for a reason, though adam seems to disagree.

so the four of them are on the run together, none of them happy about it. adam just kind of drags them along and they have no real choice but to comply. hes trying to get them out of this mess... sort of. hes mostly working towards his own goals, but hes pretty sure if theyre met, the rest of them will be off the hook.

the others dont really know each other, but theyre bound by hatred of This Fucking Guy. also turns out none of them really had a lot going for them before this. isaiah moved away from his home town straight out of high school and never really tried to form any meaningful bonds with anyone afterward. he has 1 friend left from school who tries to encourage him to socialize or at least come home every once in a while. it mostly falls on deaf ears. ruth has lots of friends, but none of them are all that close. her family is... complicated. she loves them and they love her, but they can be difficult, and they dont see each other all that often because of that. she has no problem dating, though it's surprisingly tough to find someone who wants something serious with her. most of stephen's family doesnt talk. he and his sister are close, though she lives in another city. his most consistent relationship at the moment is the random guy he always ends up taking smoke breaks with by accident. he doesnt know his name, but sometimes they talk.

basically none of them are losers per se but theyre definitely not winners. also theres some fucky religious theming there but atm most of it's all just vibes. yk how it is