#i want to see the most gut wrenching angst ever written for them

[mamidots]

The under development of Sam's grief for the twins is such a missed opportunity folks it's haunting my every waking moment

[moon-ttokki-x]

hiii i see you hav angst fics, do uu write character death? if u do then can i request a reader death one and how the members react to it? totally okay if you can’t lolz

ok so this is the angstiest thing i've ever written . . . proceed with caution bc it gets quite intense >< it was a nice release though, i haven't been feeling too over the moon lately, so it helped me a little <3 also blurry header for added angsty vibes . anyway here you go, love~

don't go, please - skz hyung!line x reader

pairing: ot8!skz hyung!line x reader

summary: skz hyung line reactions to when you d*e.

genre: so so heavy on the angst i cannot stress that enough, kind of dark, mentions of not eating, depression, anxiety, reader doesn't really exist in this fic, sad skz which hurt me to write, mentions of pushing people away, unhealthy obsessions, loss of passion and interests, just really heavy grief themes

a/n: you can't expect me to get a request like this and not write the angstiest, most gut-wrenching, heart-breaking shit anyone has ever read . . . anyway suffer . div by @carnage-cathedral

if this content makes you uncomfortable, please skip it . the last thing i want is to make people upset, so don't read this if it's triggering for you. proceed with caution and be safe, my loves <3

skz masterlist

Chan who goes silent when he hears the news. Doesn't talk, doesn't move, and then gets up and leaves, walking endlessly and aimlessly through the streets until the members have to physically stop him. Doesn't wail or cry, doesn't make a fuss. Becomes less affectionate with everyone around him because physical affection reminds him of you; your hugs and kisses and your hands playing with his. Loses his leader attitude, becomes quiet and introverted, and can't seem to find as much passion in being a leader for his team like he did before. Is wary around everyone he's ever known, pushes people away like he did when he was a trainee. Sits in his room most days; is hardly ever seen, and when he is, he's looking at a little polaroid photo of you, clutched between shaking fingers as he wishes for you to come back.

Minho who immediately shuts himself away, refusing to see or talk to anyone. Spends all day in his dorm room, just sitting and staring placidly at the wall. Relives every single moment you've ever shared and wishes endlessly that he could have spent more time with you. Doesn't feel like dancing much anymore, and any remnants of energy he might have had when you were still here is gone. Becomes bitter and angry, harsh towards his own members. Even loves his cats a little less; most of his memories with them are ones shared with you, and they're far too painful for him to relive. His emotions dry up like a dead, shriveled plant and disappear, his teasing personality evaporating with it.

Changbin who goes radio silent over the phone; hangs up immediately after and can be heard throwing up from distress in the staff bathroom. Is taken sick for a week due to the shock, and doesn't eat much throughout. Ends up throwing all of his still-to-be-given-to-you love letters in the trash, along with the diamond ring he was planning to give you the night of your anniversary. Quits producing music; his words don't flow as smoothly as before, even when he rarely feels like talking to anyone. Permanent eye bags take place under his eyes as he goes online, clicking out of his gym membership. Doesn't want to touch any of your belongings, it's too painful, and quits working out due to the lack of energy in his body.

Hyunjin who choked out a terrible, wailing scream and tore out his hair when he found out what happened; begged his members for it not to be true. Spends all day just staring out the window; is no longer afraid of anything, and finds nothing but icy numbness and a deep blue sadness taking root in his heart. Covers the walls of his room and art studio in pictures of you; splatters the walls in scarlet red and peachy pink, and then splatters himself in the same shades. Can't find it in himself to paint for much longer after that; doesn't cut his hair or paint his nails anymore, because that was always your job. Sets fire to his sketchbook and puts the ashes of it in a jar; then sets it on his top shelf and tucks the rest of his supplies away. Is no longer able to find any beauty in the world, not if you aren't there with him to see it.

a/n: i'm not writing a part 2 unless someone requests it

[yunazxxx]

I’LL LOVE YOU TILL THE DAY THAT I DIE —

“have you ever lost someone you’ve loved and cared with your entire being without them ever being your lover?” the redhead asked her therapist, and the raven haired woman just stared at her.

now playing : Birds Of A Feather by Billie Eilish

(📓) angst , main character deaths, suicide, heartbreak, depression, grief, some comfort?, starving mentions, lara stops taking care of herself, depression, guardian angel mention, manon visits lara a lot in her dreams, college au, lara goes to manon’s grave a lot, non idol au, lara never gets closure after manon’s death, also lwk karina from aespa as lara’s therapist , established relationship (best friends), no one gets a happy ending.

(💚) i haven’t written for my babies in a while so heres a little marz angst since they haven’t got one in agesssss. of course, i literally don’t wish this type of pain on anyone, not even my worse enemy (i actually would). as stated this does contain a lot of heavy topics, so if you cant read this one then you can always find a light hearted fic somewhere on my page, and be sure to take care of yourself.

previous katseye works

word count : 5.8k

—

it was almost midnight, on a cold and rainy night when lara was making her way back to her dorm room which she shared with one of her friends, when she walked in her roommate was gone which was expected becaue she worked till later in the night.

while she was showering, her phone rang. she stopped her shower for a bit, to answer it. she heard a friend on the other end hysterical, she was crying, basically screaming down the phone. lara was able to calm the girl before she told her what happened.

upon hearing this information laa's body just froze up, she didn't know what to do. her friend on the other end, sophia, was calling out to her despite not being able to form anything herself. lara just told her "thank you for telling me" before hanging up, she couldn't even put on anything.

despite not being changed, the indian woman laid in her bed, crying as her reality sunk in further as the moments passed on. she had just recieved the most gut wrenching call of a lifetime, one she prayed she'd never have to get. she didn't know what to do, she felt so empty so fast, like a half of her died.

"the signs were there though" lara read the messages people were leaving on her phone, it sounded so insensitive. she turned her phone off, laying on he back, sniffiling, "we swore to never leave each other" she whispered.

lara sighed, her head was pounding from how much she cried. she stayed in her room that night, her roommate coming home to no sign of lara aside from her car outside. the house was quiet, the ginger would walk upstairs, and knock on lara's door.

"hey..? are you okay?" megan didn't want to just intrude, but she was worried. she heard lara faintly reply, "yeah", which she just assumed was her being tired so she went off with her night. but something in the air continued to mess with her.

megan finally powered on her phone and saw she had 40 missed calls from daniela. see, it wasn't out of the norm for daniela to contact megan but the two weren't known to interact much outside of work but they attened the same university but here she was calling her, and 40 times was alot.

megan called the blonde woman back, assuming that it'd be daniela explaining why she needed megan to cover the rest of her shift and well, it was that but not exactly what megan thought to hear.

"megan?" she could hear daniela's choked up from the other line, "yeah? what happened?" megan asked upon hearing the blonde's voice. "it's about manon." daniela got out, making megan's heart drop.

okay let’s wait, first let's give some backstory on them, this friend group and who manon is. the group consists of six different girls, who all have somewhat different personalities, but somehow they seem click together well.

they all met in university aside from the youngest, yoonchae. yoonchae was really close with megan, due to them going to the same high school. the ginger introduced the brown haired girl to the others, she clinged to sophia the fastest due to their personalities, being so similar and them sharing the same habits.

the group was literally inseparable. honestly, anyone who saw them knew they were such a close friend group. everyone basically had a role, manon was the oldest of all the girls so she'd kinda be the "mom" while sophia was the leader because she always knew what to do in almost every situation.

and of course the other four girls had their roles in the group and it all just fit so perfectly. so where did it all go wrong? what was so bad about this night that sophia and daniela were blowing down lara and megan's phones?

what did the pair hear that made them so sick and numb? well, let's start off with yesterday. daniela and manon had been rooming together for a while and so they did their mornings routines together. for the last week easy, manon had been feeling down.

daniela could feel how heavy manon's energy was, it made her feel terrible herself. that morning daniela woke her up when she got up and took the swiss woman with her to the bathroom. "wake up you big baby" daniela tapped manon, pulling her attention away from the wall she stared at while she spaced out.

it was about that time of the year, manon had been experincing this for so long that she would just let it happen and wait for it to pass but daniela couldn't let that happen. the blonde had plans with the ginger woman, but she decided to bring manon along.

"ughh i wanna stay home" manon mumbled while daniela handed her some shoes, "no you're coming out and lara's gonna be there" which almost sparked something in manon, she really loved lara, and i mean loved.

see, manon had a much deeper bond with lara compred to the other girls, they connected on deeper levels compared to what they would with their dormmates. manon basically beat daniela to her car, and they drove over to megan's house.

when they arrived, lara was the one to open the door and running to manon and pulling her into a tight hug. they both giggled at the impact because they basically ran into each other, lara picking manon up with ease.

daniela walked inside of the house, seeing megan was in the back, somewhere in the backyard. "hey meg" the blonde said, appearing behind her. megan was crouched over, doing something, but daniela didn't question it.

it seemed megan was always up to something new. literally seeing her just doing shit was the most normal thing ever. it wasn't outside of her personality really. daniela went and set her stuff inside of the house before coming back with megan.

lara and manon were in the living room, this time just cuddling one another. it felt like time stopped everytime those two were together. their lives always felt like the were moving too fast, their brains were always thinking and they literally could never rest.

when they were together though? it felt like a paradise, no stress, no worries, they just felt like they're floating. you may think though, all the girls are around the same age, or about the same age, and so they all should have somewhat of a more equal experience level and they all should connect on such a deep level.

and that's right, they actually do, together. but manon had feeling for lara, she loved the redhead so much it would literally hurt her and she hated when she was feeling down because that meant she wouldn't be 100 around lara but the indian woman's energy always brought her back.

"i don't know were i'd be without you" lara whispered against manon's chest, and manon chuckled, "i think i know where i'd be" and lara perked up, "where?" and manon just shook her head, "it's okay", dismissing the entire ordeal but it made lara think.

she sat up completely, "manon, you know i love you, right?" and the brunette' eyebrows furrowed, "yeah..? why, what's going on?" and lara held her hands, looking at her, "i'm worried about you, why did you say that?"

and manon swallowed, "i just, haven't been 100 recently and today you made me feel better" and lara felt a rush of relief come over her, and smilling before kissing manon. "i'm happy i did that for you"

lara pulled the brunette back to her side, this time manon's head was restin on lara's shoulder, while she flicked through random things until megan and daniela cameback from outside doing who knows what to be honest.

some time passed before the latina and chinese women came through the door, "okayy let's go" you can hear megan say as they walked into the main room, where lara and manon were. the pair got up and made their way out with the other two, megan gave lara her keys and she rode with daniela.

but instead of going to the location, lara drove her and manon to a mountain peak. once they made it there, the pair got out of the car and went to sit somewhere random. something was in the air, manon felt like confessing right then and there —

something stopped her though, but the rehead could feel she wanted to say something. "did you wanna say something?" lara softly asked, her voice was always so light it warmed manon's heart everytime she heard it, "uhm, no....??" manon said, questioning herself while answering lara.

the indian woman couldn't bring herself to force manon to speak, so she left it alone despite how much the brunette would try, "i just wish you were able to read my mind" manon sighed out, making lara look back at her, "maybe just let me inside your mind, i might be able to find what you're trying to say."

and manon gave her a tight lip smile, and lara just chuckled before looking off. the pair sat in silence before the indian's phone chimed, she opened the message and seeing it was from daniela, "where did you two runoff to now?" and lara replied, "somewhere in the mountains" —

it all felt so right, that day her and manon were happy, so what happened within those two days that she just gave up? manon was known to miss alot of days of their classes, honestly it worried everyone that knew her. she'd disappeare for days at a time then she'd randomly come back.

but this time, she wasn't coming back. see, the day after her and lara's little run off from ther friends, they all spent the day out having the time of their life. manon was so giggly, so giddy and happy. you couldn't tell if anything was bothering her because she was so lively.

she went home before daniela did, well, to her own personal home not to the dorns, you see, manon had other plans. the brunette woman went under her bed, grabbing a box that she had been preparing for the longest time.

"today's the day" she said, sighing to herself. she didn't want to have to leave the girls she just met but it was that time. the brunette grabbed what she was using, her method of choice being overdosing. she had used the prescription her therapist had put her on a while ago that she wasn't taking regularly.

manon sat at her desk, writing down five different notes for each of the girls, leaving them a sweet message each personalized for them and all having a similar ending message with something along the lines of —

"don't blame yourself for this, you've done all you could and words can never thank you enough for giving me the happiest years of my life that i was never able to touch on my own"

when it came to lara's note, it was much harder for manon. she felt like she was abandoning the red haired woman but she also felt like lara could understand her. she could feel that lara would understand why she decided to just end it all now instead of continuing to fight for any type of happiness without being distracted or depending on someone else.

while manon wrote lara’s note, she had already taken the pills. as time passed, her eyes began to feel heavy, her phone was ringing under her body as she laid in her bed, but she wasn’t able to move. by the time that her phone sent the caller to voicemail, she had already passed out.

the caller being daniela, asking if manon was home, but it went straight to voicemail so she just texted the swiss woman and waited for her response. it was rather late in the night so daniela didn’t feel right forcing her to reply just yet but that would be proven to be the worst mistake daniela could ever make.

now i know what you're thinking, "why don't they just go over to manon's house and check on her?" — well, she never gave the look that she neeed to be checked on, the common misconception when it came to depression or one with suicidal thoughts.

it didn't begin to worry daniela until the next day when all of her calls continued to go to voicemail. she went to manon's house, knocking on her door but the brunette never came to answer it.

daniela took the spare key from under her sun visor in her car then went back up to manon's door, unlocking it and her house felt oddly cold. daniela didn't really bother to question that, honestly it was the last thing on her mind.

the latina woman ran upstairs to manon's room, knocking on the door. "her car is in the driveway" daniela thought to herself, before opening manon's door. at first she just sees the woman laying in her bed, so she began to just assume that the swiss woman was just tired.

but as she walked closer, she noticed manon wasn't breathing, she in fact hadn’t moved an inch since daniela walked in the house. daniela began to panic, shaking her friend trying to wake her up before manon ended up on her back and daniela tried picking her up.

she laid the woman on the floor while trying her best to revive manon, not having any idea how long manon was there. she called the emergency serivces, her hands were shaking as she cried, whispereing to manon, begging her to wake up and just say that it as a joke, that it's all just a prank.

but by the time the paramedics made it to manon's home, she was already dead. they tried everything they could to bring he back but nothing was working, and they asked daniela questions but she couldn't answer any of them.

daniela was frozen, seeing them put a sheet over manon's head and carry her out of the house, she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces, it felt like time had slowed down, basically stopped. it felt like that until someone tapped her shoulder, they asked daniela to come to the back because they found her notes.

daniela picked them up, and thanked them before going back to her car where she completely broke down. she didn't know what to do, she know she had phone calls to make now but she drove to sophia's house first.

the black haired waman had just gotten off of work, her night shift in the hospital, she had just got to her door when she saw daniela's car pulling into her driveway. sophia was lost, they had their tests soon and this was around the time she had to study before classes which were in a few hours, why was she here?

sophia walked off her porch, seeing the blonde woman get out of the car, "dani? hey why are you here?" sophia questioned but from the way daniela looked, it told sophia something had happned.

daniela just stood at the front door, her face red and eyes were puffy from how much she cried, she felt discombobulated. she had already called lara while she was driving to sophia's place, checking on her to see if she even knew but the red haired woman told her she was okay so daniela knew it'd be much harder letting her know what happened to manon.

daniela made it inside of sophia's home before telling her, the black haired woman just furrowed her brows, the information not registering in her brain. "this has to be some kind of joke, "manon isn't coming back" you're playing with me" sophia said doing air quotes, playing it off — but daniela shook her head, the fillipina woman stayed in denial until it clicked in her head, her heart started feeing heavier as time passed.

she felt like she was having an anxiety attack, she called lara, she didn't know why, hell daniela didn't even know, she was walking out to her car to get the notes manon had left for them. that's when sophia had told lara, but the call was different.

lara answered the phone, you could hear the shower water running in the background hile sophia was crying to lara, "l-lara.. m-manon ...she" you could her lara trying to calm down sophia, the shower water stopped before the indian woman spoke "what about her? what did she do?"

"she didn't make it" sophia got out, and lara felt her entire world stop. she didn't feel anything anymore, everything felt so cold all of a sudden, she couldn't even process the words, her ears began to ring.

the younger woman just simply replied saying "i-i'll call you back, thank you for telling me" sophia looked up, seeing daniela walking back up to her, with the papers. "those are her notes?" and daniela nodded.

the other two girls didn't know what was going on, at least they had no knowledge of what happened to manon by this point. megan was at work, covering someone else's shift while yoonchae behind in class to help the staff and teachers set up for the celebration they had going on later that week.

daniela decided to call megan after she got off of work, they tried to act as usual, how they'd treat any other day since thats what manon asked them to do once recieving the news but it was hard for them, harder for daniela since she saw them carry manon's dead body out of the house.

after daniela told megan, you could hear the ginger just laugh it off "yeah, no. she didn't do it." megan was in denial about her friend's death, daniela kept trying to tell her that she saw them carry manon out but the ginger wasn't listeing.

"i'll call you when i'm home" megan said, just laughing it off which worried daniela and sophia so they decided to dirve to megan and lara's place. the drive from their house to the ginger and red haired woman's home was a 15-20 minute drive.

by the time they got there, megan's car was already in the driveway and they knocked on the door. megan opened it, and automatically hugged daniela. the blonde woman held her in a tight embrace, rubbing her saying it was okay.

megan was in heavy denial just an hour ago, what happened that made her realize it wasn't fake? she heard lara crying, and asked her what was going on, lara tried beating around the bush but they know each other too well for them to lie to each other and lara ended up telling her the truth and thats when eveything clicked for megan.

the group walked inside, megan telling them lara was in her room. sophia walked upstairs to lara's room, to check on the indian woman but she had cried herself to sleep. sophia opened the door, and saw her laying there. sophia walked up to the sleeping girl and sat beside her, placing her hands on lara's back gently.

she could feel lara shifting in her sleep, her heart was heavy after this and it was the same or all of the girls. everyone grieves differently and in reality everyone was hurt but they had to put on a facade, a look to throw everyone away from suspecting things.

it was working until lara had a terrible mental breakdown during one of her classes, that made them question what was going on. lara normaly would cover for any of her friends absences if she was there to do so but by this point it had been a little while since manon passed, and like stated, she missed a lot of school.

lara and manon were taking at least one similar course, and that was the exact class lara had her breakdown during. the teacher pulled her aside and asked, "what has been going on with you?" the techer whispered to lara, after they walked out of the room. "i just.." lara sighed, trying to lie to her teacher about something but she couldn’t.

lara already felt so overwhelmed with all that was happneing, she just ended up telling the teacher, which her teaches gaze softened while she spoke to lara. "it's none of my business but i think you should try going to therapy. " and lara nodded, wiping her tears off of her face.

"i'll sign you out for the day, saying you have a family emergency or something similar. you'll be out until you can gcome back, what about the other girls?" the teacher was refering to the rest of their friend group and lara just shrugged her shoulders, she was overtimulated and the teacher quickly picked up on that.

"i'll email the other teaches and tell them to allow them to be out until they feel better" her teacher said before nodding and gabbing her bags from inside of the class then leaving. lara would go back home, feeling the emptiness that filled the house now, she went upstairs after leaving her bag in the car, falling face first into her bed and just sighing.

while lara laid in her bed, she could feel her heartbeat against her pillow. "lara?" the red haired woman heard a familiar voice, making her sit up. lara felt like she was going crazy, no one else was home but to make sure she called out for someone but no one answered.

once the house fell dead silent again, she heard the same voice speak, "i'm sorry". this made the indian woman start thinking to herself questioning who could be talking before she let the voice sink in her head, was it manon? it sounded like her, but, no, that’s impossible.

lara tried drowing it out, she put some headpones on and played some music, laying in her bed and as her thoughts slowed down, for the first time in so long lara was relaxed. while she slept, she heard the brunette girl again.

"hey, lara. i'm sorry for leaving you so soon" the swiss woman said softly, lara could feel the warmth of the clothes manon had on, she could feel the brunettes heart beat and she could feel the embrace.

lara cried as she hugged manon back, "i love you so much, you know?" manon said, it felt like lara was listening to an old voice message manon had recorded for her but it was all sureal. she could fee the hug, she finally felt somewhat happy with manon holding her.

"you were an amazing friend, but lara, i need you to do something for me" manon said, holding eye contact with lara, her thumb wiping across lara's cheek to wipe her tears, "i need you to stay strong for me, i need you to live out life for me. do what we planned to do for all these years"

lara nodded and she could feel manon kiss her forehead, manon smiled to her before lara woke up. everything that happened she could feel, touching her face she could feel the tear that fell down her cheek but she felt better now.

a few hours after this lara decided to start looking for therapist, finding one that was highly rated out of the entire city. lara contacted the woman and she was able to make her appointment for the next day, and that's exactly what she did.

the morning of the appointment, lara woke up happier than she did any other day, yeah she still had the anxiety but for reason she was more okay with this. she got dressed that morning and wore the perfume manon always said she loved on her.

lara got in her car, and mapped out where the location was. while she drove, she could hear little voice speaking, but it was all manon's. she payed attention to them and it as all little things manon would do or say while they drove anywhere.

lara smiled to herself while she thought about their litte mountain date, that stayed on her mind until she made it there to meet her therapist.

the raven haired woman greeted her with a hug, "hello, you must be��, she said as she went through her schedule after breaking the hug, “lara raj?" “yes that's me" lara nodded, and karina suggested they go inside and get the sessions started.

"so what seems to be bothering you?" karina asked, "well it's been the death of my friend. i was really close to her" lara started, and continued to explaining her and manon's connection.

karina nodded as the indian spoke, then began giving her some advice on how to handle this chapter of her life and helping lara being to accept this being her reality now. lara took notes while karina spoke, taking every bit of information given to her and planning how she was going to make that appear in her actual life.

soon the days turned into weeks, those weeks turned into month after month and now it was the day of manon's funeral, lara was far from prepared for this.

building up to the day, she hadn't seen manon or even heard her voice, but here she was in her bathroom getting ready for the day that she knew would drain her beyond her capacity. — the day she had been dreading.

she had been so mentally exhausted ever since that night but today she wanted to try to not let it get the best of her, "hey lara?" lara heard manon's voice again while she spaced out, she was straightening her hair when the brunette called out to her.

it had honestly been so long that lara felt like she was going crazy again, today was the last day manon's body would be exposed to any type of sunlight — that it would be above ground. "thank you for not giving up like i did" the brunette said again, lara shook her head, trying to drown it out but it was like manon was in the room with her.

or, well. she literally was, when lara walked out of her bathroom, she noticed a small dip on her bed, like someone was sitting there, it was manon. now, lara couldn't see her but the swiss woman saw her. "you look so beautiful today" manon said as she looked at lara's outit.

it was color cordenated to manon's favortie colors, different shades and everything to match all that the love of her life enjoyed. "lara, be strong today" manon said, lara noticed the dip in her bed getting lifted before feeling that same warm air pass by her.

she could feel the gentle woman's hand around her waist while she pulled her into a hug, the light weight of manon's head touching her chest, gently weighing on her. "i love you" manon said, "even where i am now, i still love you so much" lara felt like she couldn’t breathe for a second, and she started crying. as the tears fell down her face, the indian woman could feel manon wipe it for her.

"please don't cry" manon whispered before kissing lara's cheek, "i'll see you soon, i promise. i have to go now, i love you" those were the last words lara heard from manon before she killed herself that day, but here she was hearing them again from manon's spirit.

lara nodded, "i love you too, darling" lara softly said, opening her camera and seeing manon smiling at her and waving before disappearing again. lara sighed as she closed her phone, putting on her shoes before grabbing her keys.

lara attened the feuneral and she handled it much better than she thouht she would've been able to. after they buried manon. everyone was geting ready to leave but lara stayed back.

she sat near where manon was buried and just looked at the sky, she began to disassociate from reality the longer she was there, it felt draining.

even though she came in so confident and handled it better than expected, she still felt every last bit of energy that was left in her body completely leave, while she just stood there, watching her casket going down.

she didn’t cry at all, not until now. lara felt weak in this moment, she felt like she was just a bag of flesh, something dead but was living still.

she tried getting up after a while of sitting there, but something pulled her from going away. she stayed there for another thirty minutes, and when she tried to get up, she was able to this time.

she looked down at manon’s grave, then the obituary that was in her hands. she had to drag herself to her car, driving home but after that day no one saw lara again.

and when i say no one — i mean, nobody. not even lara and megan’s cats had seen her, lara never went back to their home, she went back to her family home, that was now hers and she stayed there.

the days soon turned to months since anyone had last gotten any contact to lara, she was still grieving, deeply buried in her bed. she would always sleep, and as odd as that sounds she’d taken sleeping medicine to do so because that was the only time she was able to see manon.

and i know, wasn’t she still in therapy? — yeah, but she stopped going after a few appointments. the funeral really broke her, so bad to the point where she couldn’t even function normally.

but then a knock came at the door — she got out of bed, but her head was spinning. “shit how long has it been?” she said, sitting back down trying to make sense of time and what day it was.

she stood up and was able to make it through the hallways holding onto the walls, her head was pounding but someone was also knocking on the door. — she made it downstairs before opening it, seeing a worried sophia.

her eyes were squinted while sophia’s brows were furrowed, “lara..” thats sophia was able to make out, she looked at the way lara looked. she looked so, sick.

she walked into lara’s house as the redhead turned around, saying something about her head hurting and sophia hurried behind her. "lara? are you okay? no ones heard from you in months." sophia said, the worry was obvious in her voice.

lara sighed hen she sat down, "i'm .. i'm okay" she said, trying to keep her eyes open but sophia was already in front of her "come on lara, please be honest. this is nothing like you. where is the same lara we had two months ago?"

"she died, along with manon" lara said which took sophia back, " i thought you were in therapy and gettng help lara, thats what you would alway said and show us." but lara just chuckled, "soph", making the filipina look at her.

"yeah?" the indian woman just sighed, "its easier to sell off that i'm doing better but in reality, i'm really not, i mean for fucks sake look at me!" lara yelled as she pointed to her body. sophia gasped as she looked at how thin lara was, yeah she saw her earlier at the door but she didn't exactly look at her body.

sophia stayed for the rest of the day, trying to get lara to at an be active again, but at some point sophia left to go upstairs and lara hard the voice she yearned for. "hi baby" she could manon gently say, she looked down on the seat next to her, seeing a small dent, like something or someone was there.

"it's been so long, i know." manon softly said, pulling lara on her shoulder. "i saw you last night, you know. i decided to take over the plushie that you sleep with" manon said and chuckled. which made lara smiled, she just listened to manon while she poke smiling to herself.

it felt like she was in another universe now, she actually felt happier and like she existed. it lfelt like the real world stopped for a second, lara started crying again. she hadn’t cried in so long, the flood of emotions was too much for her.

manon soon left, lara feling the emptiness of her actual life and noticing that sophia was already behind her. "i'm gonna get goi- lara are you okay?" sophia said when she saw lara's face. "no no, yeahh, i'm fine soph. thak you." lara said and sophia smiled, "you're welcome"

not long after though, sophia left, which lara just went back upstairs into her room. she laid in her bed, staring at the plushie manon got for her and just laid there while her brain began to static.

her vision slowly grew blurry as time passed, and soon everything went dark. the echo of heartbeat began to grow louder, her ears began to ring.

soon all the sounds stopped, her ears fell dead silent, everything was silent. lara’s heart wasn’t even beating anymore.

it worked.

[burningembers91]

Fics Scheduled for the rest of week

Below is a list of fics I have scheduled up until Sunday. I'm in a furious cycle of writing the dirtiest smut and the most gut-wrenching angst, while also writing an essay on the factors that led to the German Revolution in WWI... It's been a real mix of writing this week.

I also pushed my Baek Kang-Hyuk fic because so many of you had such lovely things to say about the two I'd written so far!

If there is a particular storyline you're invested in, please send me a message and i'll prioritise that next week! I love hearing feedback from you guys, so please let me know if there are any fics you're looking for follow ups on. I have so many ongoing that sometimes characters slip through the cracks and i forget to write for them (I'm looking at you Cho Hyun-Ju and Hwang In-Ho)....

Thursday 30th January

In the Shadow of the Devil - Do In-Beom has spent his entire life being bullied by his cousin. His cousin takes what he wants, including In-Beom’s girlfriends. That’s why he keeps you at arms length. He couldn’t bear to see you broken the way Yu-Gon has broken everyone else In-Beom has ever cared about.

Sweet Like Chocolate - When your services are required in the trauma centre, emotions between you and Baek Kang-Hyuk bubble over.

Friday 31st January

The Cowardly Doctor - Han Yu-Rim had always been a coward. But when he falls for his secretary, will he find the courage to tell you how he feels?

Saturday 1st February

After Hours - A late night trip to the hospital gym results in an accident, one that brings you closer to Park Gyeong-Won and threatens to expose your growing feelings.

Sunday 2nd February

All of You (NSFW) - Desperate to show you that he loves you, Park Min-Su showers you in gifts. But the only thing you really want is him

[marshvlovestv]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five of your other fave writers. Spread the self-love! ;)c

Thank you for the ask! This is certainly not a definitive list, it's plagued by recency bias, and it's mostly smut (sue me, I think I write it well). But here's a list of five fics of mine I really like!

Artificial Means (NSFW) (fandom: Scarlet Hollow)

Pitifully, one of only two Reeneeka smutfics (the other was also written by me but isn't as good as this one). Writing phone sex and flirtatious texting was a fun challenge for me,

Banderillas (NSFW) (fandom: Psychonauts)

I really was super proud of this one and was disappointed by how little response it got. I managed to convey the dynamics between the foursome exactly as I imagine them in my head.

Double Helix (fandom: Zero Escape)

I talk a lot about Laugh with the Sinners, Cry with the Saints, because I feel like that's kind of my defining fic in the Zero Escape fandom and the Dio/Kyle ship. But putting that on this list would just make me feel guilty about continuing to not update it. This is my favorite Dio/Kyle oneshot I've written, sweet and fluffy with minimal angst and some exploration of Kyle's relationships with the rest of his family, as well.

It's Something To Do (NSFW) (fandom: Ghosts US)

This was written when asexual Sasappis was still a fresh take, and since I've made him sex-favorable here I think it still kind of is a fresh take. It's a really nice character study and also I just love writing about hot guys jerking off, okay

Shrapnel (fandom: Zero Escape)

I wrote this one for ZEcret Santa and I still think it's the best I've ever written Eric. I've written so much about him dealing with his trauma before and after the Decision Game, but by writing about him in the middle of the game (and in one of his most controversial moments, too), I get something really complicated, gut-wrenching, disturbing, and still compassionate towards him.

Besides you, Riley, I don't know if I actually follow a lot of fellow fic writers! I'll send the ask to the one other mutual I know writes some fic but if anyone else sees this and wants to answer, feel free!

[avelera]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Ooh, thank you for this! As for tagging onward, I'm terrible at picking people and I hate to impose, so if you see this and want to fill it out just say I sent you ^^;;;

Giving Sanctuary: The Sandman, Dream/Hob, Canon Divergence AU. Basically, "What if Dream and Hob got together in 1689 when Hob was at his lowest and they bonded over the fact both of them have lost their sons?" Probably one of my most emotionally mature works, I poured a lot of my own meditations on life and grief into it, and it has some of the best dialogue I think I've written to date. I'm also quite proud that it's complete, lol, a running theme in this list.

The Only Way Out is Down: Pacific Rim, Newt/Hermann, post-Uprising but in an attempt to make sense of Uprising and add some depth and poetry to the years Newt and Hermann spent apart. Newt is trapped in a coma after the Precursors are destroyed and Hermann Drifts with him to try to wake him up. In the meantime, they pass through a mindscape inspired by Dante's Inferno, in which each of the 9 years they spent apart take on an aspect inspired by the Circles of Hell that they have to disrupt in order to move on to the next one. Basically a Newt Recovery fic that flips the script and explores how gut-wrenching and traumatizing those years would have been for both of them, but with a lot of humor and healing, this is not meant to be an angsty slog and some of my best comedy is in it too I think. Quite proud of how I interwove Dante's "Inferno" into the structure of the story, quite proud of the fact it's finished and novel-length, and I think I grew at writing character voices and sustaining them throughout a massively long fic with this one. I still jump to read any comments I get for this one because I'm so proud of it, you would not believe how much work went into it.

Prayers to Broken Stone: The Hobbit, Thorin/Bilbo, BotFA fixit in a way but we take the long way 'round. Dragon Sickness literally turns Thorin into a dragon and he and Bilbo need to survive being locked up alone inside Erebor long enough to find a cure for him, or else. The story is much more psychological than it may sound, it's much more about exploring Thorin's trauma through the lens of him turning into the creature he fears and loathes most in the world. Very proud of this fic since it's the first long fic I ever finished, it's the one that made me actually attend some highly competitive writing workshops since I finally felt like I had become a competent enough writer to be able to actually complete a novel. Also quite proud of the characterization, voices, and mythology created for this one.

Shanghaied: Pacific Rim, Newt/Hermann, post-Uprising again. Post-recovery fic, Newt returns to Shanghai where he was held captive by the Precursors for ten years and slowly spirals mentally when forced to confront the physical location of his torment once more, all while trying to put on a brave face for Hermann that only grows more manic as the night goes on. Still perhaps one of my most emotionally... sincere? works? It's the most based on personal experience during a bad time in my life but translated into a flavor of angst I don't see as much of in fic, it's probably one of my more literary pieces in that respect? Anyway, I'm very proud of the maturity of emotion in this one so I always race to see any comments that get left on it.

5. Come live with me and be my love: The Sandman, Dream/Hob, alternate 1789 hookup. Dream loses a bet to Desire and must live for one year as a normal human, in this specific case, one year as the husband or wife of a human of his choosing, without almost any of his powers, in order to better understand how humans live. Dream chooses Hob as his spouse, naturally, since Hob is the least unbearable of humans and not mortal and therefore not in danger from him. Hob is only too glad to oblige but unfortunately, this means Dream has to pretend to be a woman in order for them to blend in, so shenanigans ensue. While this is still a WIP I do intend to return to it and I am massively proud of it. I think it's one of the works I've done the most worldbuilding for from scratch, in the sense that I had to quickly familiarize myself to a reasonable degree with early 1800s England, a period I'm not actually all that fond of in history (I'm not really an Austen or Bridgerton fan, to say the least). I think it has some of my most ambitious writing in terms of scope and scale and some of the more clever writing in terms of building tension and crafting original characters who lend realism to the setting without overwhelming the central, more important characters of Dream/Hob and their story.

[killerlookz]

just wanna let you know, i’ve been meaning to reread all three parts of heartbeat! au because it’s one of the best joost klein au’s of all time & i will patiently wait literally forever for any future entries!! i’m not hopping in your inbox to pressure you, i know you’re on a hiatus, i just hope you don’t mind if i gush over your own work to you:

“it can’t be that easy”

•ngl i’m pretty sure i’ve read this chapter 4 times now? i’ve read “heartbeat” that many times too i think, but only read “no going back” twice?

•the angst in this is so perfectly written in every way, it crushes me every time i read it. everything feels so heartless, careless, purposefully soul-crushing, while at the same time, tender & full of unforgotten want and fulfillment.

•obv i feel so bad for reader but lina’s place in all this kills me, she doesn’t deserve to be caught in this break-up-cheating-rebound-spiral.

•it makes me wonder how lina & joost even got together? where did they meet? did joost instantly see her as a rebound? & how did they break up? did she find out about joost & reader that night? how furious was she? or perhaps their relationship was too fresh to create any deep wounds around joost?

•when reader is looking away and lina & joost discuss her being super drunk while reader’s *right there*, ooughh i’ve been that person so many times, not even being drunk or not even having an ex & their new partner talking about me, just…people…idk what it is—people like talking about me as if i’m not there…it’s…dehumanizing—makes me sick that it happened to reader, especially from joost & lina :((

•congratulations on writing some of the most gut-wrenching dialogue i’ve ever heard!!! specifically these quotes, i think about them almost day to day now:

•"Doesn't sound like you."

"Don't really feel like me."

(^makes me want to tear my skin off, i feel like this was the very moment joost even admitted that feeling to himself, i think post-break-up he’s obviously been heartbroken but i think there, at that party, on that couch, was the first time he vocalized the fact that he’s not even been himself without reader.)

•"Stop that," Joost's voice is low, soft. "Don't need to see that."

"Hard not to." You hum, letting your hand drop back down to his shoulder.

(^this??? this????! i haven’t been able to stop thinking about since i first read it..imagine tracing hickies on the love of your life’s neck because *you* didn’t leave them there & he says “don’t need to see that”???? because he’s ashamed of himself??? he wishes you didn’t see what he’s done without you!?!? ohhhhhhhmygoooooddduhhh actual chills & tears in my eyes reading that i will never be the same!!!)

•"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." You can't really appreciate his apology, a sorry not changing the fact now there's a girl other than you in his life.

"I am."

(^same thing as the hickies one, joosts genuine regret of what he’s done is actually making me feel like there’s this never-ending black hole inside of me just eating me alive forever…the hurt there is unmatched.)

•"Don't deserve it after-"

"Stop it." He immediately cuts you off, "You deserve this. And more, just sorry I'm showing you that so late."

(^ooohhh so now he wanna be a good boyfriend??? okay brooo okayyy…you couldn’t even meet your girlfriends friends tonight, you couldn’t even get up & dance with her!! bc you’re consumed to the core by your ex only once she’s broken your heart…tsk tsk…okay man whatever!!!)

it might be for all these reasons that “it can’t be that easy” is my favorite chapter??? dare i say that??? fluff is good, comfort is great, but angst? that biting feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get from angst is unmatched. “it can’t be that easy” gives me that feeling every single time. i need a cigarette after reading it..i’ll brb while i go read the other two chapter tonight as well ^_^

-ego⋆♱✮

hi oh my goodness i just saw all your inboxes and this is just so sweet 😭 i wish i could just go and write every single second of heartbeat lore now OMFG- you are so kind! thank you so much for your thorough review of heartbeat. it makes me so incredibly happy to know that people genuinely enjoy my work. thank you so so sooo very much 🩷 i hope there is more to come in the future once i have time! my winter break is in less than a month and is like 50% longer than it usually is so, ill have over a month to get back to writing!! i hope i will be able to :-)

[chloeangelic]

😭Why am I crying in the club rn?😭

Listed by author in alphabetical order cause I'm an organized bitch, here are the fics that made me Sit And Think™️ (or cry) in 2023, or

✨ my top 5 gut wrenching authors selection ✨

featuring @atinylittlepain @cherubispunk @macfrog @netherfeildren and @5oh5 🤍🤍🤍

Everyone knows I love angst, I love terrible gut wrenching pain and suffering and then I love it when my tears are drying on my cheeks and they fuck nasty, hell yeah 😎

So if you're like me, here are some recommendations!!

💙 @atinylittlepain

Deliver Me From Nowhere

Read the whole thing in one night and cried repeatedly during. I had it looming in the back of my mind for weeks but didn't feel like I was in the right headspace until I suddenly was, and it hit differently. I love Dolores, I love Joel, I love how he sees her, their dynamic, the exploration of her emotions and headspace, her body language. Fantastic. Want to cry just thinking about it so I'm gonna STOP.

June

Sat and stared at the wall for a long time after this one, then worked up the courage to post TMWH which I seriously don't think I would've had the guts to post had it not been for June. I love how it handles a sensitive, painful, and very real subject, I love that it doesn't paint Joel as a fixer or savior but rather a realistic, kind partner. Again, his understanding of her and how he makes space for her is something I appreciate so much in DMFN and June.

💗 @cherubispunk

Cherub

This one is an excruciating Sit And Think - I didn't cry but I sat there paralyzed for 48 hrs with a thousand yard stare, just thinking intensely about it, after my second read through. Two chapters and I'm already messed tf up over it!! I read them in the middle of the night and then during the day and I have never been this messed up over something labeled PWP before. The passion, the ominous vibes, Cherub being so soft and Joel having this strange dark vibe... I literally just thought about it constantly for two days and I still can't fully put my finger on why. It just slithered into my brain and I still think about it often and go back to read bits and pieces like a little treat.

💚 @macfrog

All Three Dogs

Max posted this on my most depressed day of 2023 so like fuck you ??? I'm sorry like this is phenomenally written and stunning but like what the fuck is wrong with u i'm not even giving u any more compliments on this one bruv sorry you made me like a DBF series and that's a mortal sin so YOU'RE DONE !!! Fucking dead mackerel eyes speak into the mic bitch chicago sunroof 1 after magna carta i am not crazy squat cobbler jesus christ marie lookin ass

Sweet Child O' Mine - particularly pt ii

This one is so cute and yet it hurts so much. It's so real, the MC is so... I don't even know what to say, she's so on her own and she seems so kind and selfless and it just hurts to think about her cause you can feel her love for her child and for Joel and ugh. She tries so hard to be the best person she can be for everyone and it's one of those situations where nobody is doing anything wrong and yet everyone either is already hurt or gonna get hurt, and I think it's that oscillation between love and hurt that really gets me. I also read this in the middle of the night and all I had to say in my RB was like "thanks for making me cry asshole" (I'm known for my profound commentary).

💜 @netherfeildren

Fear of God - particularly the epilogue

Fear of God is my all-time fav Joel series, the best Joel characterization I've come across and it generally set the tone for my taste in fic. It was the second series I started reading on here when I came back to Tumblr, and it's the first piece of writing that has ever truly moved me. His character arc is absolutely INSANE !! I made the mistake of reading the epilogue while listening to Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish, and for months I couldn't listen to it without crying. The day before my graduation, I kept listening to it on repeat in some strange form of self-torture and I had to explain to my bf why I was sobbing. Try to explain all of FoG in a coherent way through tears, I dare u ! I can't say much without spoiling but basically when I think back on getting into fanfic, FoG is what marks the beginning for me and I will never ever forget this piece of writing ever in my life. (Shoutout to when I got caught getting a nut off to one of the FoG extras - I can't really talk about the series without mentioning that)

The Cassandra Complex - particularly ch I, ch IV, and ch VIII

I didn't give much of a fuck about Din before TCC cause i saw him as like a taller hotter R2D2 and now here I am... Eating my words like a ration pack. I have to do a big girthy throbbing TCC reblog cause I have a lot to say about my fav series in the world but basically I can't read ch 4 without crying and even though this is a Star Wars fic and it makes no sense for me to relate to it the most out of anything on Vic's ML, sith girly is the most relatable MC thanks to her constantly feeling haunted by her past, feeling like she's hiding, feeling unworthy, torpedoing herself, and seeing so much beauty in others but struggling to see it in herself. I'll save the rest of my thoughts for the big RB but basically I've even cried at the fucking SMUT in this series like I'm on another planet when I read it (haha get it?? cause Star Wars??)

🧡 @5oh5

From Eden

Staring At The Wall Saturdays again - I hate how much I see my younger self in little sunflower girlie, I hate that I recognize how trapped she feels in her marriage. It's such an accurate portrayal of feeling chained to a man who doesn't deserve you, and of how guilty you feel for not even acting on feelings for someone else yet but just recognizing within yourself that you deserve better, like that pain of accepting that you're not treated right and that visceral feeling of unfairness that comes with being in the wrong relationship. The guilt you feel for even just thinking it, you know? And having to recognize how you've been treated. Ugh. Also this Joel is... His mannerisms are... I.... I'll be right back-

And now, for the most important award ever. The winner of

🏆Biggest Chloe Tear Jerker 2023🏆 is...

🎉 @netherfeildren 🎉 and this is her 24/7

[mimikittysblog]

✨MimiKitty's 2023 Fic Wrapped✨

So as a fun activity my friends all decided to make a 2023 wrapped ppt! So I decided to make one for all the fics I read in 2023! (I didnt get to present it btw lol)

I put what I decided to be my top fics for each month! Whether it be because of amazing writing, gut wrenching angst, sickeningly cute fluff or nastiest smut I decided to put it as my favorite fic for that month!

NOTE: Some of these were not exactly written/published in the month that I put them in but it was when I read and/or reblogged it!

Now without any further ado! Here is my 2023 Fic wrapped!

January

Happiness by @end-hyphen

Why is painter hoon so attractive???? 😭 The angst in this fic is SO GOOD! Its just really memorable and I love the ending too! ALSO THE PLOT TWISTS?!?! I was gagged yo. I was gripping my phone when I was reading this!!! It's just a really beautiful well written fic! Loooove it so much!!

February

In Another Life by @httphannie

First of all the smut was great!! Loved it! But maaann THE ANGST THROUGH OUT THE WHOLE FIC IS SO GOOD!! The ending is one of the most tear jerking, gut wrenching, heart breaking, soul crushing endings I've ever read. SEUNGCHEOL!! YOU SHOULD'VE JUST FUCKIN ESCAPED PLEASEEEE! I remember BAWLING when I first read it, and ✨surprise surprise✨ I cried again just recently when I reread it again. Its so beautifully written, I get every emotion thats poured into this fic and the story itself is so good and unique in a way I just love it! (also kinda funny but love how this is the only SVT fic that made it on this list 😂😂😂)

March

More than This by @heesbaby

KITTY JAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all.

But in all seriousness, this is a wonderful smau!! I loved every bit of it!! Its so cute and soft! Jay is so BABY KITTY 🥹🥹🥹 I love him to bits! And the funny parts are also so funny! The smut is also good but to me its also so cute too! ALSO THE ANTAGONIST MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT ARSON HOW DARE SHE HURT MY PRETTY BBY JAY!!! But when a fic gets me reacting like that you know its good! Overall an amazing smau! Love love!

April

The Archer and His Queen by @forjongseong

ARCHER JAY GOT ME ACTING UP DUDEEEE!!! The thought its so hot but you wanna know whats hotter??? HOW RESPECTFUL HE IS THROUGH OUT THIS FIC!! He truly respects his Queen and then truly falls in love with her?!? I CANNOT! Also I like how unique it is! In a way that Jay isn't a knight, not a prince, not a king, not just like a commoner, but an archer. Idk I just like how different it is, how often is it to have the love interest be an archer? (I'm sure pretty common but I rarely see it hehe) plus.. again, thats hot 🥰 The smut is so gooooood!! and the ending is adorable!

May

Ship Happens by @/tfwheeseung

MERMAID JAKE!!!!! Like. MERMAID! JAKE!! Now this story, I don't think any of you can read it anymore? as tfwheeseung (lily) has deactivated. So thats a shame, but if theres a way you can read it please do!! Its so cute and so funny! Jake is like a mermaid pup combined he's adorable here!! HE JUST WANTED TO CATCH YOU A FISH!!! How adorable is that?! Its just a simple and adorable fic that I cant stop giggling about every time I think about it!

June

Angels Like You by @ham-st4r

OH THIS ONE IS SOOOOOOO GOOOOOD!! DUDE THE HEART BREAK I FELT FOR HEESEUNG IN THIS FIC AAAAAAA!!

“I believed that you had changed, I really did,” // “I gave you my heart” // "I trusted you with my body,” //“I-I loved you”

Heart breaking dude 😭😭😭 Like how dare the reader break this soft boys heart!! BUT THE ENDING IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! LIKE AAAA!! I shed some tears!! Overall I truly absolutely adooooree this fic!!! Plus reading it while listening to the song makes you cry harder 👍

July

Hype Boy by @onlyjaeyun

DOMESTIC JAKE!!! Bro Jakes backstory man 😔😔😔 I've never heard of anything sadder like I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM AND HIS ADORABLE AND ANGEL OF A BABY BROTHER! I adore the Sim brothers so much and I will do anything I can to protect them AAAAAAAAAA!!!! Hype Boy is such an adorable and sad smau but it ends so beautifully! Jake has an amazing support system in this smau and just the love he has for his baby brother and the reader is unmatched I love love love!!

August

Rule Number 1: Don't Fall in Love by @jaylaxies

Dude idk why I love fake dating tropes, especially when its to get revenge! So I was hooked from the beginning!!! So HAHAHAH GET FUCKED HOON! Jake is SUCH A GREEN FLAG THROUGH OUT THIS ENTIRE THING ITS GORGEOUS TO READ!!!! Also Undercut Jake?!?!? 🤭 yes pleaseeeeee!! also this one?? the smut?? oh yeah it is NASSTYYYYY IN A GOOD WAY AND I LOVE THATT!! But the aftercare is just perfect!! This is a reaaaalllyy good fic that I always find myself constantly rereading!

September

Poison by @onlyjaeyun

Oh wow another onlyjaeyun smau??? well duh when this on is just AN ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE!!!! LIKE OOOHH MY GOD IS THIS ONE AMAZING! Like heeseung is so... AKJSJS I HAVE NO WORDS 😭 The fact he actually gets off on the readers pleasure??? HOT BRO. And how can I not put this as the best thing I read during september when it has lines like THIS:

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you, princess" // "I just can't break this promise, Sunghoon is my everything",

"and what about me? What am I to you?"

"My most precious treasure."

Do I need to explain further??? Yeah. I thought so 😊

October

Come Back to Me by @enhaheeseung

This entire series was a rollercoaster of a read. Like the way I went from "FUCK YOU HEESEUNG!" to "NO WAIT TAKE HIM BACK" to "YES GO HEESEUNG GO!!" to "HEESEUNG YOU DICKHEADDD" to "Oh god you poor thing" to "Omg yay! theyre together 🥰" is absolutely amazing!! As this was a series, every time I saw a notification for the next part of this fic showed up I immeeeediately read it! Caused me to be late for work a couple of times but it was worth it 👍👍👍👍. It's written really well! I just love this story and how it makes my heart clench and have me at the edge of my seat! Just amazing!

November

Verboten by @heesbaby

YES. JUST AN ABSOLUTE YES!! This smau is SO FRICKIN GOOD! Daddy Heeseung?? like duh yes please! But even before then reader got to play around with 02z 🤭🤭🤭🤭 so that was fun! and what made me love this one so much was also HOW FUNNY IT IS??? Like Cinna I don't think we give you enough credit youre like- SO FUNNY?? How you even thought of having Niki doxx Jake I'll never know but it's just so funny and I'll forever laugh at that thought. But this smau is also just so frickin fluffy at times! the relationship heeseung has with the reader is so fucking healthy, I'm actually jealous. I loved this smau very very much!

December

Strictly Business by @onlyjaeyun

And a surprise to absolutely no one!!! Of course Zadie's third smau had to be on here! NOT MY FAULT SHE MAKES AMAZING STORIES!!! Plus Jay??? as a CEO??? WHAT CAN BE HOTTERRRRR?!?! Of course it's automatically my favorite!!! But besides that Jay is just... so amazing!! He'll literally do ANYTHING for the reader and thats so fucking endearing! My mans in love your honor! We love a rich man who's in love! Find me a man like that please! Besides that the smut is amazing yo, and the ddlg parts 🤭🥰🤭🥰 got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair bro!! It's really no surprise how amazing this one is! especially with how sweet and amazing everyone is (besides some of the antagonists of course!) 100000/10 smau! truly!

And that was my 2023 fic wrapped!!! Also Honorable mentions to these specific creators and fics cause I also REALLY LOVED THEM! I just had to mention them:

@ham-st4r for Wrong Doings

@enhaheeseung for Nobodies

@strzlun for Midnight

@yunjardi for Double Trouble

@luvyeni for Forever and Always

@shanbinswf for Brand New Moves

@yeonjunszn for So Sick

@kitten4sannie for Space in Between

@yoursjaeyun for Endless Love

Thank you to everyone who wrote all these amazing stories! You all really make my days better! I hope you all continue to write for 2024!! I also wish 2024 will be kinder to you! Love you all! 💕

[sweetpascal]

17, 44 & 47 !!!! 💗💗💗

ask game

hello, my darling yasi 🩷☺️

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

"Now I must remember you for longer than I have known you." - Fates of Two, Entwined (second to last paragraph at the end)

i remember seeing this quote so loonngggg ago and it stuck with me. it tore me up inside because remembering someone longer than knowing them is probably the most painful feeling you have to experience. so having a forbidden love type of story where they haven't confessed to one another but they know one loves the other, and completely ruining that by sprinkling in some angst ??? oh my god, HEARTBREAK. and i was successful in making my readers cry and feel that gut-wrenching heartache (hehehehehheheheeh).

44. any writing advice you want to share?

write things you really want to write, in the way you really want to write them. even though you can adopt new techniques, please remember that all writers operate differently. comparison is the thief of joy. even i compare myself to A LOT of extremely talented writers. but little by little, you can started incorporating certain techniques into your writing that allows you to still write comfortably while also improving your skill set. 🩷🩷🩷

47. what story are you most proud of?

Fates of Two, Entwined

this is the one story that unfortunately got the least bit of attention, but i'm not angry at it. this story took so loonnggg to write, and i put in hours, upon HOURS of medieval research into it. on google docs, it's 35 pages. and rereading it, i couldn't be more happier with the outcome. i will hold that story so close to my heart because from start to finish, it's beautifully devastating 🥹 i even surprised myself.

my fiancé is my biggest supporter when it comes to my writing. having him be apart of that journey with this story was a lot of fun. when i would feel dejected about my lack of knowledge with the medieval times, he would boost me back up and reassure me, and he would even help me edit and coach me by giving me his own knowledge of the medieval times cause he's a big ol' nerd heheheh.

[dianneking]

20 Author Questions

Tagged by the lovely @weemssapphic - thank you so very much for that!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 37

2. What's your total AO3 word count? - 175,030

3. What fandoms do you write for? - Gwendoline Christie, some other characters in the Wednesday fandom too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? - Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day, Shapes of Love, First Evening Back, Intoxicated, Entwined Destinies.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? - Yes. I try my best to get to every comment because I love love love the community that builds around shared interests. Also, time is such a rare commodity these days that if you take the time to let me know what you thought of my writings...we're already pals.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - Oh, that's easy, Loving You for sure. The whole premise is hurt no comfort so yeah. Read this at your own risk.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - Hmmmm I feel the one I went in most detail about the happy ending was Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day, it was extra fluffy and funny and I find myself smiling just thinking about it.

8. Do you get hate on fics? - As of now, not yet. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? - Yep, at times. As for what kind, depends on the story, but mostly at least somewhat kinky.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? - I love a well executed crossover soooo much. For now, I've only written New Teacher In Town, a Larissa Weems x Melissa Schemmenti (Abbott's Elementary) oneshot, but I do have others I'd like to try my hand at.

11. Have you ever had a fiction stolen? - Not that I've noticed. I only write on AO3 and Tumblr, so if you see my fics somewhere else, please tell me - it's probably stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? - Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? - Not yet published, but I might have something in the works... isn't that right @scream-queenlover?

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? - Errrrr difficult to say tbh. I like to change and to make different ships work. I like Gwen's characters paired with almost anyone ever. I like the challenge of making it work and surprising readers with them.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - I don't ever let go of WIPs. They are just biding their time. I have some requests in my inbox from January (if it's yours, I'm so very sorry) but also, the feeling of writing the right fic when you want to write it is something that is so good I just don't want to do an uninspired shoddy work of them. Their time to shine will come.

16. What are your writing strengths? - I am a very logical person, so I like to build my characters so that they make sense, so that their actions and reactions have some meaning and some depth. Also. I loooove to write gut-wrenching angst and I feel like it shows.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? - They change with time and with the fic in question. Right now, to sit my ass down on a chair and write is my greatest challenge. Also, I feel like most of my oneshots are a lot of the same, and that kinda bothers me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? - All for it if I can find a native speaker that betas me on that.

19. First fandom you wrote for? - Well, I wrote an angsty fanfiction of an Ideal Husband before knowing what fanfiction was, so I guess that was my first fandom.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? - Hmmm. Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day has a special place in my heart because it was my first one, but also I feel so proud of Unrelenting Love (Madeleine) not even quite sure why but I really love the way it came out.

If you see this and you are an author, that's it! You're automatically tagged! And please, do tag me in your post because I am so very curious!

[pie-of-flames]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @beatlessideblog.

How many works do you have on ao3? This is so embarrassing. 241 Most of them are short! Some are vids!

What's your total ao3 word count?

375,343

What fandoms do you write for?

Just The Beatles right now.

Before I fell into the Beatles, I hadn't written anything in years. In olden times, the main fandoms I wrote in were MCU, Hawaii Five-0, Merlin and Torchwood.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Your New Twin-Sized Bed (Steve/Danny, Hawaii Five-0)

No Questions Asked (Steve/Danny, Hawaii Five-0)

Let My Doubts Go (Gwaine/Merlin, Merlin)

Sir Gwaine Wins a Match But Loses His Heart (Gwaine/Merlin, Merlin)

Hitting the Sweet Spot (Maria Hill/Natasha Romanoff, MCU)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, unless it's way after I posted, then sometimes I forget. I really appreciate comments and truly want to thank them. Also it just seems polite.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I kind of love angst. I love characters that are damaged. Quite a few times, I've written short little AUs exploring a character's potential dark side.

Somebody That I Used to Know - (Arthur/Merlin) I knew I'd written a modern AU where Merlin was an addict. But this is even more gut-wrenching than I remembered. Merlin has lived through the ages and Arthur has come back. And becomes Merlin's dealer.

Contingency Plans (Ianto, Torchwood) Ianto doesn't give up after Cyberwoman. He keeps trying to create Lisa 2.0.

The Way Things Are (Hawaii Five-0) Steve and Danny had a horrible, violent break up in which Steve was permanently injured and is now in a wheelchair. This is a little picture of the fallout.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Masquerade maybe (Merlin).

Do you get hate on fics?

No.

Do you write smut?

Definitely. I have 61 fics rated M or E.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Love Me Do (Jack Harkness/John Lennon, Torchwood/Beatles), A Very Curious Ring (Sherlock BBC/The Hobbit)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. With my first fandom friend. Hubminster Manor, a Torchwood AU. Down and out lounge singer Jack Harkness comes into a surprise inheritance and soon needs a new butler. Enter Ianto. Sadly, never finished.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I have a fondness for all of my old OTPs but probably Steve/Bucky and Arthur/Merlin. I would still read fic for them.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

None. There aren't any I want to finish now. The time has passed. l have a Beatles WIP I've been working on sporadically all year that I feel like I have to finish.

What are your writing strengths?

This a hard question because I'm not very confident. It's hard for me to see any strengths. Maybe description and character.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Being too brief. Using same sentence structure repeatedly. Probably still too much telling instead of showing. I'm not sure.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I would not attempt that.

First fandom you wrote for?

Torchwood

Favorite fic you've written?

Ummm... that's hard. I recently re-read this one and liked it a lot better than I remembered. Masquerade Arthur/Merlin, 1930's Hollywood AU. Aquamarine Arthur/Merlin modern swim team AU. An Inconvenient Moment, Sherlock/Watson, Sherlock Holmes (Ritchieverse), Coda (Don/Betty, Mad Men)

I'm tagging @veidelon, if you want to do it.

[imfromthemiddlekingdom]

Okay I am going to completely re-write my maedhros/fingolfin fic. I realized the story would make more sense if it were a fem!maedhros au instead of a trans!maedhros au since I’ve made her craft fiber arts in that fic and it would make a perfect foil to Finwë/Míriel as Fingolfin was said to be most like his father in looks. I read a hc that fem!maedhros would’ve looked exactly like her grandmother but with red hair and I’m going to run with that concept. Imagine the angst that Finwë would feel seeing his first wife’s likeness marrying and having many children with his likeness. The angst that Feanor would feel seeing his eldest, the heir to the throne, marrying his half-brother, whom he was ambivalent towards (before melkor). The conflict he must feel towards supporting his only daughter in her marriage and his own conflicting feelings towards Indis’s children and how that might translate to his interactions with his grandchildren later on.

The og fic was real grimdark like warhammer 40k levels of grimdark and I don’t vibe with that anymore so I’m going to make a fix-it fic without all the kinslaying and betrayal but maybe keeping some elements of the start of the first age just so there’s angst in this fic. I don’t think I know how to write fluff fics anymore lmao. The last fluff fic I’ve written was 6 years ago and that still was angst with a happy ending. Maybe this re-write will turn into that too since I believe that without the first kinslaying the doom of the Noldor would not be proclaimed.

Thinking about how if Maitimo was born slightly before Nolofinwë and then went on to marry him and have kids, Feanor wouldn’t be so arson happy at Losgar. Maybe having grandchildren that shared blood with Indis may have made him less antagonistic towards them and made him more or less ignore them unless it was Nolofinwe who is the husband of his baby girl and must be glared at™️.

Thinking of maybe including some of my more “grimdark” plot lines into this new fic like maedhros still being held captive but it’s her son rescuing her instead of her cousin but make it more gut wrenching that her life was then traded for her youngest sons life or something. The og fic included the burning of the ships and Argons death when they set foot on Beleriland and she didn’t know that her baby died until she was recovered enough to ask for him only to find out that he died and breaking down from it like no torture from Angband ever managed to do. So many possibilities. I have so much time on my hands I’m going to write as much as possible just so I can read the fics I want to read lmao.

[a-spes]

hiii again!! thank you so much for answering the questions i had asked earlier :D it means ao much to me and i wanna get to know my favorite author moree!! here are some other questions i wanted to ask!!

1. is writing to you more of a comforting thing? or creative.. or a challenge?

2. has writing sapphic stories shaped how you see yourself?

3. what is your favorite line from natasha?

4. if your fics were to have a soundtrack for it, what kind of music would you put? what songs? or artists?

5. what is one thing you haven’t written yet that you really want to? it could be like a trope you haven’t quite tried yet

6. what is your fav headcanon about natasha that you believe truly with your whole heart?

7. if you could rewrite nat’s ending in the MCU, what would you give her instead?

8. what’s one thing you always hope your readers feel after reading your work?

9. what is your favorite time of day to write? do you play music while writing? what do you have nearby to help you write? :D

LASTLYYYY 10. do you ever feel like your fics reflect the kind of love you wish you had, or the kind that you’ve experienced?

okay i lied. I HAVE ONE MORE.

11. what are you most afraid of when you share a new piece of writing? what helps you post it anyways?

Hii, thank you for sending some more questions <3 I am replying a bit late to this ask, but really wanted to take my time to answer!

1/ It is definitely a comforting thing for me! Even though I must admit it was a bit of a challenge when I started writing because it is not easy to write in a laguage that's not yours but I think I am doing quite fine now ☺️

2/ Not gonna lie, I am not sure how to answer this one. I would say it is more about acceptance, sapphic stories didn't directly change how I see myself but it helped me accept some parts of me.

3/ So one thing about me is that I have a really, really bad memory so I don't easily remembers lines or details. But there is this scene in Infinity War, when she says "she is not alone" while saving saving Wanda that I really like. It may not my favorite line, just me being an hopeless lesbian, but it is stuck in my brain (the raspy voice, the aura, everything, damn, I am on my knees for her). And exactly the same with that cut scene from Age of Ultron, the one where she complains about her jacket!

4/ It is such a hard question, but since I am mainly writing angst, I would say something gut wrenching or bittersweet. If I had to name a few songs, I would say these ones : Die Your Daughter by Susannah Joffe, Mountains by Message To Bears, The Exit by Conan Grey and Cygne by Loic Nottet. I think these quite match the emotions I am trying to convey in my fic's!

5/ I really want to write a BlackHill x Widow!R fanfiction. It has been on my mind for a while now, but never really got a chance to get there (but maybe one day!). I really like the ship, and I feel like their energy would go really well with this storyline.

6/ That she would braid her partner's hair :3 And I am definitely not saying that because I would die for someone (her) to braid my hair. And I also like the headcanon saying that Natasha is not a really great cook, and how she is able to killed someone but never learned such basic skills.

7/ I would give her a chance to have a life on her own! One that would be far from the Avengers and everything. A life where she would eventually be able to do what she wants, and not what she thinks she has to, where she would not have to risk her life and everything. I think I would give her an ending in which she eventually comes at peace with herself and achieve some sort of redemption (as much as it would be possible).

8/ I hope that the people reading my fic's can relate to whatever R is going through, and that it can help them feeling seen, and maybe a bit better. When I am writing, I really hope the people will feel everything I felt when writing ; from the angst to the comfort.

9/ I usually write very early in the morning or late at night because that is when I am the more efficent! And for the rest, it depends. Sometimes, I play some music or most often a movie/youtube videos. It really depends on my mood and what I am writing exactly (if it is the draft or the final version of the story)! But a sad songs is always nice to make sure the angst is giving <3

10/ I am feeling called out on this one lmaoo, because it definitely does. My fic's always hold a part of me, and so they always reflect what I am yearning for and the kind of comfort or love or attention that I never had but that I really hope will find me one day <3

11/ I am not really afraid when I post something because I know there will always be at least one person to read and enjoy it! And since it is already written, it does not cost me much to share it with everyone! But obviously I am always a bit scared that I will get a really negative or purely mean comment (hopefully it had never happened before, everyone is just so nice <3)

[n0tamused]

Hellooo hon can i request pls? Can u write for tobirama a one shot where he rejects his s/o but then he sees her with another guy in the village often and starts to realize about hia feelings but its late bc she is marrying this other guy? I need some angst hahahah. Its ok if you don't want to write it! Thank you 😘

A/N: Hello anon, thank you for the request! Here's some Tobirama angst. It made me sad to write this but here we are. The things we do for angst. Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: none. Just pure sadness.

Words: Around 1.475

' The Fire Which Didn't Burn '

-"No. I do not love you."

Those words echoed in your mind days after his initial rejection. Over and over again until it was all you could think about. It stung your heart each time you repeated the sentence. The never ending feeling that it was something you did wrong wrecked your mind, it made work harder and rest scarce for a while. You didn't understand. You were sure he felt at least some semblance of love for you, in the end you were the one he truly did let in his company. One he could rely on for anything that he may need. Or did you read the signs that wrong? At that point it wouldn't be a surprise if it was all for business sake, seeing as you both worked together on making the village prosper and bloom.

But that was almost an whole year ago. Even more. Since then you have moved on from the heart ache. Although a few select close friends knew of your pain, you never indulged them with your gloomy moods that came and went. It was a tendency you seemed to pick up from the younger Senju and the years you spent at his side. Not letting anyone really in. Only letting them scratch the surface of it, to know enough to leave you be.

It has been a whole year since the last time Tobirama had spent proper time with you, a whole year since you both sat down to unwind and discuss things amicably. At the confession of your feelings for him he was rather cold, cooly brushing you off and trying to get back into his work. He didn't feel like it was such a big deal then, he believed that it didn't matter as long as you both still remained a good bond. But he was proven wrong. You recoiled from his reach and even disappeared from his sight. His ears seldomly heard of you anymore. It was as if you disappeared from the village all together. Even if he saw traces of your work, your signatures and reports. It was all superficial.

At first this didn't bother Tobirama much, even if he was initially worried about your lack of communication with him. The man was simply so drowned in his work to take some kind of action, to do anything to smooth things over with you again. On certain days, when work was lesser, he would indulge himself in things he did with you once. Only then feeling the effects, the weight on his shoulders due to your absence. There was no more of your reasoning voice, no more laughter, no more endless teasing when the two of you were alone, no more long nights where the two of you shared your worries and even fears. There was none of it. Only distant memories.

As stubborn as he was, he would finally come to terms that he, in the very least, missed you greatly. That he should've done something sooner. Now he felt embarrassed to even try after so long had already passed.

Tobirama had recently started to seek out information about you. Head full of things, horrible things. Were you alright now? Have you moved on?

As it turns out, yes you were alright and yes...you have moved on. You were still working as a ninja, so how you managed to keep out of his sight so much and for so long surprised the silver haired Senju. And when word reached him that you were getting married soon. He was...he didn't know how to feel, actually. You had found another man to love and share your burdens and future with. He had spotted the pair of you once in the village, walking peacefully side by side. Hand and fingers entwined together. You pressing into his side once to give him a quick hug. Him smiling down at you, a genuine, earnest smile which you reflected back just the same. It made Tobirama ill. A deep, gut wrenching feeling over took him so much that he wanted to bolt. As unlikely as that was for him.

Perhaps this was karma. You were his most trusted friend. You understood him at best and at worst times, and you dealt with him when he was being difficult. You were with him at his side even when his brother got fed up with his arrogance. The amount of times you sat at the stairs on his porch, waiting for him to cool off were countless; even your company alone was salve enough. And not to even mention your beauty, you were the rare one that really caught Tobirama's eye, like no other woman has before. And yet, he pushed you away. Perhaps this was his punishment. The maker gave him a chance, a chance to be happy and content and have someone with him and he let it fall and shatter to the floor. Tobirama could only scowl, and he found himself in a sour mood ever since.

He wouldn't admit it but his heart was aching. Was this how you too felt?

-"Tobirama!"

You exclaimed. Shock written all over your features, the basket of fruit, fish and vegetables hooked onto your elbow. Neither of you knew what to say at first. Tobirama was just as shocked as you, regretting not using his sensory abilities to sense you and turn in another direction. Now that you two ran into each other his tongue felt dry.

Your breath stopped in your throat as you searched his eyes, his face for anything that could indicate some sort of reaction. Yet the only thing you found in his scarlet gaze was yearning, and then emptiness once he collected his racing thoughts.

"Y/N. It.. it has been a while."

He spoke, clearing his throat while his heart felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest. The clothes he wore suddenly felt suffocating and scolding. A tangible tension grew between the two of you.

"Yes. It has been...How have you been doing? I surely hope you are getting some proper rest, I heard there was quite a scuffle recently."

Trying to keep the conversation average failed. A frown became prominent on his lips as he only nodded, in a almost mechanical fashion, but didn't respond to the question. You caught his gaze flickering, only for a second, down to your ring finger. Where the silver ring was. A small gem held on the top of it. And you understood, in a way.

"Oh..."

A wind breezed past the two of you, but it didn't feel comforting. It felt chilling and hot and dry all at the same time, like raking hands that clung to the both of you. If you were paying just a little more attention to the Senju, you would've seen the sadness collect in his eyes. Even if his face remained cold and unreadable. His eyes gave it all away.

The conversation ended rather awkwardly with both of you wishing each other well and saying your goodbyes. So many things were left unsaid then. It wouldn't take Tobirama long after that quick encounter to really admit it to himself that he has grown feelings for you, that he was in love. Realizing a year too late. A year he wished he could get back so he could be with you instead of that man. A year that could make it all better, for the both of you. But no matter how many sleepless nights he had, no matter how much he wished and even prayed, he couldn't take your happiness away. He couldn't even dare do such a thing, couldn't dream of it.

Sometimes you would even worm your way in his dreams, his mind visualizing a future he knew he couldn't have. A happy one with you at his side, in a house different from the one he was in now, with enough space for the both of you and even another addition. No matter how much he dreaded those dreams, he let himself drown in the comforts of them even if for a moment. Letting himself experience what could have been. The phantom touches and plush kisses that soon turned to dust in his mouth when he woke. The image of you still dancing vividly in front of his sleep hazed eyes.

Other times he even found himself crying in those dreams, angry, bitter and regretful tears. Clinging onto you in his dreams, pleading to not wake up yet to make it all better. It pained him. That he couldn't have you anymore. You were now married to someone, and that someone wasn't him.

Tobirama saw how happy you were, genuinely. And he wasn't going to take it away just because of his own mistakes.

Now it was his turn to share the pain you went through. He accepted it all. It was now his responsibility. His mistakes.

[rkived]

year 22 (m) — jjk

‘‘I knew you’d be standing in my front porch light, and I knew you’d come back to me.’‘ 

Pairing: childhoodfriend!jk x f!reader 

Genre/Tags: angst!!!, drama, a lil fluff, f2l, e2l-ish, pining, slow burn, smut

Rating: M +18

WC: 11.5k

Warnings: time jumps, underage drinking, jk being a douchebag for most of the fic, reader can’t catch a mf break, mention of character death ((no major one tho)). smut in the form of oral (f. receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex ((wrap it b4 u tap it y’all)), my being called pretty kink making a brief appearance soz

A/N: i listened to cardigan for the first time n had it on replay the whole time i wrote this so ig u should do it too ! this is my first time posting smut on here but who would i be if i didn’t throw in some good angst ? also tysm to @periminkle​ for being my unofficial beta reader n checking it up for me, she knows i’m constantly looking for her validation n i def wouldn’t post this if she didn’t love it ilu vira thx for being the best ever mwah !!! 

You’re five, cowering behind his mother’s legs, sniffing as tears stream down your face. In front of you both stands Jungkook, there’s remorse written all over his face as his mother stares him down with hands on her hips and a look that just screams that this is only the beginning of his punishment. 

‘’Apologize to Y/N right now Jungkook, or I’ll have your father have a word with you,’’ she threatens with a stern tone, making her son quickly shake his head no. ‘‘You need to learn how to share your toys.’’ 

You peek behind her lanky leg and find the slightly older kid looking at you with narrowed eyes, ‘‘I’m sorry, Y/N.’’ He apologizes with a bow, but he’s obviously displeased with the whole ordeal. 

His mother sighs and Jungkook pouts at the look on her face. She urges you to come out from your not-so-secret hiding spot and to go back to playing with him, even though you seriously doubt that will do any good to what just happened. 

Jungkook’s bedroom door is kept open as he sits back down on his city patterned carpet, you twiddle with your thumbs and stare at the Spiderman poster on his wall. There’s an awkward silence between you two until you feel a toy bump your crisscrossed legs. 

It’s the shiny red car he had refused to lend you before, provoking an argument between you two which eventually made you run out of his room in tears as you ratted him out to his mom. 

‘‘Wooow,’’ you whisper in awe, taking the car in your hands with so much care, treating it like it’s one of your newest dolls. 

Jungkook huffs, crossing his arms as he looks at you with distaste and he’s forced to settle with other boring toys as you giggle to yourself, making the car follow the carpet’s tracks. He learns then to never trust his mother again. If she ever says she’ll bring a new friend for him to play with again, he’ll refuse wholeheartedly.

He doesn’t like sharing his toys, and it’ll probably take him a long time to learn how to.

You’re nine as you hand Jungkook one of the multiple Valentine’s Day cards you carefully crafted the night before with your mother, adding all kinds of pretty stickers and shiny glitter to make each one of them unique. His is different from the rest, though. 

You added hearts to the dots in the I’s, there’s a hint of your favorite body splash enveloping the pink construction paper and it fills Jungkook’s nostrils with so much force that he feels he could gag at the smell. 

‘‘What do you think?’’ You ask the fourth-grader with a big smile on your face, cheeks tinted with a light shade of red as you see him reading the little message you wrote inside the card.

Jungkook lets out a mocking chuckle, ‘‘Are you serious? You like me?’’ He asks you, but it doesn’t look like he’s looking for answers. Your smile slowly fades away, looking at him with glossy eyes, ‘‘I don’t like you, you’re just a dumb little girl.’’ 

His card was the one you had invested the most time in and yet it only took him a second to crumple it with his hand, and another five for him to toss it into the trash can near you before he goes back to his group of friends in the school’s playground.

You learn how to hold your tears in then, thinking it’s a great accomplishment and that maybe now he’ll stop calling you a crybaby.

His friends receive him with high-fives and he smiles with gratefulness because they just saw how much of a badass he can be. Once recess is over and everyone’s going back to their classrooms, Jungkook nears the garbage bin where he had thrown the Valentine's card in, but finds it’s now dirty with yogurt someone tossed inside. 

He grimaces at the sight and sighs, there’s no way he can save it now.

You’re twelve and you’re the only girl in the treehouse who hasn’t gone through puberty yet. It wasn’t something that bothered you until just recently, when it became pretty evident why none of the boys would even give you a onceover compared to the other girls.

“I don’t know if I want to play,” you mumble after Kim Jihyo suggests playing spin the bottle. You’re the only one who opposes the idea, though you could count Jungkook in given as he just sat there without saying a word.

Park Yerim rolls her eyes, “You’re so boring, Y/N!” The comment makes the rest giggle as you pout at being the designated party pooper. 

It’s all fun and games of truth and dares to whoever the bottle lands on and you’ve been lucky enough to avoid the tip of the plastic Coca-Cola bottle to point at you, until it lands on Jungkook who has done a few funny dares so far.

“Alright, Jungkook, let’s make things even more fun!” Jihyo announces since she’s been the one who has assigned most of the embarrassing challenges and questions, “I dare you to kiss one of the girls here for ten seconds.” 

The dare makes the boys cheer with excitement and the girls gasp with anticipation, hoping one of them is the lucky chosen one. Your lips part slightly as you stare at him sitting across from you, he’s clearly not comfortable with the dare, but knowing him, he won’t express his current discomfort. 

His eyes land on you as you stare back at him with concern, hoping that he’ll speak up to avoid himself the embarrassment. Has he even kissed someone before? If this is his first kiss, you’ll witness it alongside everyone else and you can only imagine how terrifying that must be. Even though Jungkook’s always been a brave kid, you can always tell when he feels under pressure.

“Uhm, I’ll uh—“ Jungkook keeps staring at you and you feel your heart start to beat like you just ran the usual ten laps around the gym in P.E class. Are you about to have your first kiss? With him? 

You nod your head absentmindedly, a sign to let him know it’s okay for him to pick you from all the other developed girls who probably have more experience kissing than you do, but it’s okay because you’ve always been a quick learner. 

“Yeji,” Jungkook says after what feels like forever, though it’s only been a mere few seconds, “I’ll kiss Yeji.” He adds, removing his eyes from yours and settling them on the girl with the high ponytail and pink colored nails. 

You bite your bottom lip hard, breaking the dry skin as you feel yourself taste blood. It doesn’t matter because no one’s paying attention to you and instead they’re focused on Jungkook’s neverending kiss with Yeji. 

When you get home that night, you look at yourself in the mirror and frown at your lack of everything. Is this the reason as to why he hadn’t picked you? 

You’re fourteen and Kim Taehyung just sent you a message through MSN in which he confesses to have feelings for you. Your eyes widen, rereading the message several times, rubbing at your eyes just to make sure you’re seeing things correctly. 

You run off across the street to Jungkook’s house, ringing the doorbell quickly for someone to open up. You’re greeted by him looking at you with an annoyed expression, he had to pause his GTA game to come and open the door. 

“What do you want?” Jungkook asks harshly, crossing his arms as he stares into somewhere that’s not your face. He’s anxiously waiting for you to spit out whatever it is you’re there to say. 

You calm yourself down by breathing in deep and out, blowing the air right at him, “Does Taehyung like me?” You ask him, making Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise and his brows to raise. 

His reaction tells you that you might’ve just discovered a secret you weren’t supposed to and it only makes your heart beat even faster because if it’s true, then this is a pleasant surprise. Kim Taehyung is one of the hottest boys in the tenth grade and he happens to be one of Jungkook’s closest friends. You think he must know something since you see them hanging out at lunch.

“Uh—I don’t know, Y/N.” Jungkook mumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck, finally looking at you and he feels a gut wrenching punch in his stomach at the sight. “Taehyung isn’t a really good guy, you shouldn’t—“ 

“What are you saying?” You interrupt him with a question, confused as to why Jungkook was painting a negative picture of his friend. “He was really sweet with what he said, he thinks my eyes are pretty when they sparkle — I didn’t even know they did that!” 

Jungkook grimaces and sighs, there’s really not much he can do here. You’ve always been so stubborn, so relentless. No matter how many times life tries to tell you something’s not meant for you, you challenge each and every one of it’s obstacles until you take what’s yours. 

“Okay, then what are you gonna do? Date him? You haven’t even had your first kiss yet.” Jungkook reminds you with a mocking tone and you furrow your brows together because, how does he know that? 

You stammer, “I-I have! I had it at camp last summer, actually!” That’s a lie, but he wasn’t there so he can’t prove the veracity of your statement. “And what do you care? So what if I want to date him?” You add with anger, not understanding why couldn’t he just support you in search of true love. 

The thought of dating Kim Taehyung had never crossed your mind, thinking he was way too out of your league for him to ever notice you. But that confession sitting in your MSN chat now served as a nice feeling of knowing you aren’t as invisible as you think you are. 

Jungkook scoffs, “Taehyung would never date you, okay? He’s older than you, he’s cool, he goes to parties and has kissed almost every girl in his grade, do you think he’d really like someone as boring as you?” He doesn’t mean to be so harsh, but you’re just so difficult and impossible to get through.

Jungkook’s used to the trembling bottom lip and the teary eyes that you give him everytime he says something that definitely strikes a nerve within you, but he’s always impressed on how you always refrain from crying in front of him. Last time you did that you were both kids and he probably took the last lollipop from your batch of collected halloween candy. 

“Screw you, Jungkook,” you say through gritted teeth, and if looks could kill, he’d be dead already. 

He looks at you quickly stomp your way back to your house, only heading back inside once you slam your front door shut. Jungkook enters his room to find two new messages in his MSN.

$$ kIm tAaEhyYyuNG $$: it worked! 

$$ kIm tAeEhyYyunGG $$: she fell for it xDxD where did u even come up with the sparkly eyes thing?? that’s gold bro rofl 

Jungkook sighs, ignoring the messages and shutting his computer down.

You’re sixteen and you’ve been invited to your first party. Granted, it was Jungkook’s, but he knew that if he didn’t ask you to come you’d probably tell on him with his mom. No matter what age he was, he’d always fear his mother’s scolding. 

“Drink this!” Park Jimin says with his beautiful smile and you’re starting to realize why they gave him that very same superlative on the school’s yearbook. You take the red solo cup without any second thought, placing the rim straight to your lips and choke once you feel the liquid burn your throat. 

“Ugh—What’s this?” You ask, cleaning the droplets of liquid around the corners of your mouth. 

He chuckles, “Fruit punch!” The liquid is indeed red like the familiar drink you’re used to, but there’s definitely something else mixed inside. “Oh, and vodka,” he adds with wiggly eyebrows as he shows off the small flask he was hiding in his sweatshirt’s front pocket.

You gasp and hand him the cup back, “No, I don’t drink alcohol, sorry.” Jimin rolls his eyes and it reminds you of the many times you’ve received this same reaction from your classmates before. Always a party pooper. He’s about to take the plastic red cup from you until you quickly drink the spiked punch in one go.

The boy howls in excitement, “Woo, go Y/N! Another one coming right up.” 

Jungkook knows he should be making sure everything’s alright downstairs. If his mother notices there’s at least one misplaced object, she’ll know right away something went down in her house while her husband and her were away for the weekend on an emergency trip to their hometown. Leaving him unsupervised only because they both believed their son was old enough to tend for himself.

But Jung Eunha had dragged him into his room with the excuse of wanting to see what it looked like, but the mini tour had turned into them kissing on his bed and Jungkook is thankful he changed his Spiderman sheets in exchange for some boring plain grey ones. Eunha smells like fresh mint and Jungkook is way into his head to focus on properly kissing her.

It’s not until his bedroom door is abruptly open, slamming against the wall that Jungkook literally jumps to his feet, making Eunha gasp as they both look at the person who has interrupted their awkward makeout session. 

“Guk-ah, what are you doin’?” You curiously wonder, a hiccup following right after which makes you giggle. Jungkook’s chest rises and falls with quickness as he notices you look different from the last time he saw you twenty minutes ago when you were talking to Jimin. “Guk-ah, were you—you kissin’ Eunha?” You ask once more after not receiving an answer to your previous question.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks in concern, coming closer to analyze your weird state. You stretch your arm out to avoid him from nearing you, making him falter in his place as he studies your expression. 

You hum, “Guk-ah, you busy. Sorry,” you apologize in a shy tone, ready to head back down and have more of that fruity alcohol punch you now found tasty, but you stumble and only avoid yourself from falling by holding onto Jungkook's door frame, he’s already reaching out by then. 

“Are you fucking serious, Y/N? Get out!” Eunha complains with irritation, getting up from the bed and ready to kick you out of his room, but his free arm stops her from getting near you. “Whu—?”

“Eunha, go back down. I’ll deal with her myself.” Jungkook says as calmly as he can, thinking three’s a crowd and dealing with you wasn’t an easy thing in of itself. She’s about to argue, but he interrupts her again, “Go down, now.” 

She rolls her eyes and bumps her shoulder against yours harshly once she steps out of his room, “Whatever, that kiss was shitty anyway.” 

He pretends he didn’t hear that and takes you in his arms instead, dragging you to lay on his bed as you cuddle into his favorite pillow and hug it close to your body. How much did you drink? Why did you even do it in the first place? Jungkook knows you’ve never tried alcohol before, which means he’ll be in big trouble if you show up back to your house like this. 

When you open your eyes hours later, your head hurts and it feels lightweight when you move it side to side. The room you’re in is familiar, that spiderman poster is still hung on the wall, but there are no more toys laying around the floor; they’ve probably been stored somewhere in his garage or sent off to a donation center under his mother’s demand.

The pillow that you’re hugging smells just like him and any other day you’d hold on to it tighter and inhale his scent like your life depended on it, but you abruptly sit on the bed as you’re reminded of how you got here. The action is not appreciated by your dizzy head, but you look around the room to notice how dark it is and there’s no more music playing downstairs. 

You quickly jump to the ground, only to hear a “Fuck, ouch!” from below, stepping on Jungkook’s leg unintentionally. It makes you gasp, looking down to notice the older friend laying on the cold floor, having gotten rid of that childhood carpet of his. His head’s laying on a makeshift pillow made out of a towel and he’s trying hard not to shiver. 

“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry!” You quickly apologize, stepping away from his figure as he soothes the shin of his leg you stepped on. “Jungkook, what happened?” 

He sighs, “Someone decided to drink like five cups of spiked punch knowing damn well it was their first time drinking alcohol, stepped into my room like a crazy person, and then crashed on my bed like they—What’s with the face?”

“Bathroom.”

Jungkook grimaces while he holds your hair back, you’re throwing away all the liquid you had taken with a few additional snacks you had munched on earlier, “Are you done?” He asks in a tired mumble and you shake your head no.

He feels guilty that you’re in this position. He didn’t even want to kiss Eunha, but she was one of the most popular girls in his grade and he knew that if he turned her down she would most likely put a bad word in with the rest of the girls and the guys would make fun of him for being such a wuss.

That would’ve been better, because after laying you down on his bed he had to go down and tell everyone that the party was over, putting an excuse that the neighbors had warned him and threatened to call the cops. They all cleared pretty quickly, but he knew he was going to be the butt of the jokes come Monday. He even had to call your parents to let them know you had gone home to a friend’s house for a sleepover, which he knew wasn’t totally believable, but it had somehow gotten them convinced that their daughter was alright because they trusted Jungkook to never hurt you ever. 

Once you feel like you’ve puked your stomach out, Jungkook hands you a pill accompanied with a glass of water and hands you clothes of his that might be more comfortable to sleep in. 

“Good night, Jungkook,” you whisper once you’re laying back on his bed, still hugging the pillow he preferred to sleep with. He makes a sacrifice to make it up to you. 

His back is going to hurt by the time the sun comes out in a few hours, but it’s okay if it means you’ll sleep comfortably after the events of tonight. “Good night, Y/N.” 

He’s unable to sleep, but finds entertainment in your hanging hand beside his bed. The skin on your palm looks soft and there’s this strange urge inside of him that makes him want to grab your hand in his, but he refrains. 

To calm the current chaos in his head, Jungkook finds peace in the light snores coming from his bed.

You’re just about to turn eighteen and your date to the prom is Jeong Jaehyun, who had only asked you out a day before the event because the girl he had initially wanted to take had been asked and he didn’t have a plan B. 

Jaehyun is okay, at least he managed to get you a corsage that matched the color of your dress. He even smiles in the pictures your parents take of you both as you awkwardly try to look comfortable with his arms around you even though by then you had only exchanged a few sentences. 

The prom’s theme is Summer Nights and you think it’s fitting considering this is the very last event before the graduation ceremony, meaning that you’d most likely never see most of these people ever again. You had purposely applied to a college that was outside of your hometown for that same reason. You’re ready to live the life you’ve always wanted to live, without anyone judging or knowing you. 

Your date spends most of the night talking with his group of friends as you’re left alone on your table, looking at your well manicured nails. You knew you weren’t going to get the same prom experience the high school kids on T.V enjoyed, but you at least hoped it would’ve been a little more fun than this.

A tap on your shoulder makes you turn around to see Jungkook trying to loosen the tight tie around his neck. He looks incredibly handsome and you suppose his mother helped him pick the suit out, Jungkook rarely ever wore fitted clothing, so this is one of those once in a lifetime moments..

“Hey you,” you say and he gives you half a smile, wondering why you’re sitting by yourself at an empty table when everyone else was either mingling or dancing. “Where’s your date?” You ask with curiosity, you’re surprised that Jinsoul isn’t trailing alongside him given how she had behaved for the past week ever since he asked her to come with him. 

“Retouching her face or something,” he answers casually, “what are you doing sitting here? Where’s Jaehyun?” Jungkook asks.

You shrug your shoulders, “Don’t know, probably talking with the guys of the basketball team. He’s been gone for a while.” Not like you care, anyway. If your conversation with him inside his car on the way to the venue had been any indication of what it would’ve been like for the rest of the night, you’re glad he's not here trying to make any more small talk with you.

Jungkook huffs, thinking he’ll kick his ass if he sees him. He had asked him to invite you so you wouldn’t come alone, and yet here you are, sitting all by yourself while the douchebag’s making a social life somewhere in the crowd. He calms down once he notices how unbothered you are by it, though. You’re a big girl now, you’ve been through too much to be affected by something as simple as this.

“Is there something you wan—“

“Dance!” You interrupt with excitement and Jungkook chuckles.

“I was gonna ask if you wanted something to drink, but—alright, let’s dance.” Jungkook can’t dance for shit, but you took lessons when you were younger and he can still remember how you’d always show him the routines you learned in class. He’d always boo you, but in reality you were pretty good. He wonders why you stopped, he doesn’t recall you ever telling him.

It’s just his luck that once you both step into the dancefloor, the hired DJ stops the up-tempo song playing before and switches to a much slower romantic one, “Alright everyone, I want all the couples on the dancefloor for this one.” 

You step away from him with nervousness, it’s couples only after all. But Jungkook holds onto your lower back firmly, pulling you closer into his space. Your eyebrows raise as your lips part, “Uh, s-should we, uh—?” 

“It’s just a song, Y/N. You wanted to dance, then we’ll dance.” He tells you with such confidence it makes you feel like this is totally normal and something all friends do. All the known High School couples are dancing together, heads tenderly placed over chests and chins resting lovingly above them. You wait for Jungkook to take the lead because you have no clue of what you should be doing, you might’ve taken dance lessons years ago but you’ve never slowed danced in your life. 

Jungkook places his hand on your hip, the touch makes goosebumps crawl in your arms. He pretends he doesn’t notice it as he takes your right hand in his. You stare at the way he delicately holds it like it’s his mother’s fine china. “Place your other hand on my shoulder,” he instructs and you do as asked, your palm coming to rest on the strong muscle. 

He’s only slowed danced once before at a family member’s wedding where his mother taught him how to, with her as the teacher. Back then he thought it was incredibly ridiculous, but now he’s sort of glad that happened because he’s the teacher now and you’re now looking at him with your big eyes as you sway alongside him. 

You clear your throat, “This isn’t that hard.” Jungkook nods as he stares down at you, noticing how uneasy you are given that you’re looking at everything and not entirely immersed in the moment.

“You look beautiful tonight.” He says out of nowhere, making you look at him like a deer stuck in headlights, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He had never called you that before. 

An awkward laugh escapes your lips, looking away from his intense gaze as you try not to take his words too literally, “Ha ha, that was a good one.” To you there’s no other explanation than this being one of his mean pranks on you.

But Jungkook doesn’t falter both his words and gaze, “I’m not laughing.” There’s seriousness in his voice and you have to look back at him again just to make sure he really isn’t, “You look beautiful, just take the compliment.” You nod and there’s silence between you two after that. You’re digesting the romantic lyrics that the singer is talking about and hope that the song ends soon, because you’ve never been this close to him and it’s starting to feel too crowded.

You clear your throat, “So…” 

“So…,” he repeats. 

“What are you doing for summer?” You ask him in an attempt to break the tension and wanting to take advantage of the little intimate moment since Jungkook rarely ever lets you pry into his private life. 

“I think I’ll train before heading off,” he answers. It was more than obvious he was going to earn that sports scholarship he had been aiming for, he was one of the best athletes on the school; though you considered him to be the number one between them all. “I’m kinda scared, not gonna lie.” 

You look at him with surprise, tilting your head to the side, “You’re scared?” You ask in disbelief because as long as you’ve known him, he’s never been scared of anything. This is the same kid who instilled your fear of monsters in a closet after watching Monster’s Inc. together, also the same kid who helped you get over it after he realized you had actually taken it seriously.

He chuckles lightly, “Yeah, I’m just scared about starting over.” It’s interesting how his biggest fear is the one you’re looking forward to the most, but you suppose it’s fitting for someone who has never had to worry about what people think of him. In this town, Jungkook has swam freely without any concerns. Out there, he’s just another fish in the big and scary ocean. “Aren’t you?” He questions, hoping that you’re able to relate to what he’s feeling. 

“Honestly, I—“ 

You’re interrupted by Jaehyun clearing his voice in front of you two, making you both turn your heads towards his direction. You quickly separate from Jungkook and he feels his body lose the warmness you were providing. 

“If you wanted to dance, you could’ve just asked. I’m your date after all.” He says smugly and you chuckle awkwardly, nodding because he’s right. 

Jungkook wants to punch his stupid face, how dare he interrupt you both when he had been ignoring you the whole night? Why does he suddenly want to dance with you when he’s probably still upset at him for asking Jinsoul to the prom before he could?

“Your date’s looking for you, buddy. She doesn’t look too happy.” Jaehyun adds with a smirk as he takes your hand in his and drags you away from Jungkook towards another place on the dancefloor. 

He’s left to stare at the way he holds your hand, and he only hopes he’s doing it ever so carefully. 

You’re twenty when Jungkook sees you for the first time since you both left for college two and half a years ago. He’s rendered speechless when he spots you in the crowd, there’s a manly hand around your waist as you giggle into the stranger’s mouth before placing a kiss to his lips. 

There’s only so much social media can provide him, pictures and stories aren’t enough for Jungkook to keep up with you. He thinks you’ve changed, not only appearance wise but you seem way more outgoing, carefree, and happy. Did he miss the boyfriend announcement picture? He’s sure he didn’t, he checks your profile almost every day and he’s never even seen him in any of your stories. 

A gasp escapes your lips once you spot him, completely forgetting about the possibility of bumping into him given that both your schools were playing against each other that night. You tell Namjoon you’ll be right back and he nods, going back to a conversation with the group of college friends you had made. 

You surprise him by jumping into him, arms around his shoulders as you hug him from behind. You let out a shrill of excitement and he blushes as his friends chuckle at the unexpected approach from this unfamiliar girl. 

‘‘Jungkook! You didn’t tell me you’d be here,’’ you say once he turns around to face you and he’s able to see you better upfront. You look beautiful and he thinks the Instagram pictures are not doing you enough justice. You’re glowing, and it has nothing to do with the highlighter you applied on your face and collarbone area. 

The both of you aren’t able to properly talk until you suggest moving to a different area, Jungkook apologizing to his friends as he explained he needed to catch up with an old friend. They don’t complain and instead shoot him teasing looks and small pervy comments that go by unnoticed to you. 

Jungkook listens with intent to your ramble about what you’ve been up to. From your courses, to your roommates, the parties you’ve attended, and even the fact that you handle your alcohol better now. He’s happy that you seem so too, but it irks him that you hadn’t been capable of telling him that you had a boyfriend now. Is there a reason as to why you omitted that important piece of information? 

‘‘And what about you? How’s college?’’ You ask with curiosity. 

He blinks a few times, realizing you had stopped talking about yourself and was now wondering about him instead. ‘‘It’s fine,’’ he answers with a tight lipped smile, the lack of detail compared to you was astonishing, but even though you were still hungry for more you decided not to pry any further. 

There’s fear in revealing that he’s been having a hard time catching up with the rest of his peers. College was indeed fine, but it could be better. He’s settled with the idea that this is as good at it’ll get, some things just aren’t like you expect them to be. At least you’re happy, and that fact brings him comfort. 

‘‘Was that your, uhm─boyfriend?’’ He finally asks after a while, both about to head back to your respective group of friends. 

The question takes you by surprise, looking at him with raised eyebrows and mouth agape. ‘‘Who? Namjoon?’’ He nods, though he doesn’t know anything about the guy he had first seen you with. You let out a wholehearted laugh, ‘‘Hell no, too many commitment issues with that one,’’ you answer and Jungkook’s forehead creases with confusion. 

Why were you kissing him then? 

‘‘We’re friends with benefits,’’ you inform him as if you had read his mind. ‘‘He’s a nice guy, though. Also, super smart, he’s helped me with a few of my─’’ 

‘‘You’re not a virgin anymore?’’ He abruptly asks, disbelief in his tone as he internally screams to himself for thinking out loud. Jungkook expects you to berate him about such an imprudent question, but is surprised when he sees you giggling. 

‘‘Duh, silly. I think I lost it freshman year?’’ The carelessness in your voice makes him look at you like you’ve gone crazy. Why are you so lax about this? Why are you telling him about losing your virginity without a care in the world? ‘‘Anyway, are you going to be home for the─’’

Jungkook interrupts you once again, ‘‘Was it with your boyfriend at the time?’’ He asks in genuine curiosity and you sigh, rolling your eyes slightly at him. 

‘‘No, it was some random dude at this party I went to. Could you please─’’

‘‘Y/N, are you insane? Why would you give up your virginity to some fucking stranger like it’s nothing?’’ Jungkook’s voice raises as he scolds you about being so negligent about yourself, ‘‘You can’t do shit like that!’’ He fumed, making you let out a breathless chuckle. 

‘‘Could you stop treating me like a fucking child for once in your life? I’m perfectly fine, Jungkook. I’ve been doing pretty well for myself without you here, actually. I don’t know why you think you have a say on what I do, is it the entitlement you have of me that you still carry around because we grew up together? Because if that’s it then you can drop it, I let go of my little girl who wanted a friend and was treated like pure shit in return complex a long time ago.’’ 

He knows you’re right, but he thinks he’ll always have this odd sense of protection over the five year old girl who cried to his mom about not lending her his favorite toy. He’ll always want to apologize to the eight year old girl who declared her love for him with a Valentine’s Day card while he ended up breaking her heart in exchange. He’ll always wish to look for help within the twelve year old girl who witnessed him give out his first kiss to another girl who he didn’t even like. He’ll always feel guilty towards the sixteen year old girl who had gotten tipsy on a spiked fruit punch and crashed on his bed. He’ll always hate himself for not asking the seventeen going on eighteen year old girl to prom when he knew he could’ve, but chose not to in fear of ruining your friendship. 

You only wanted someone to be there for you growing up and Jungkook had never been the brave boy you thought he was, always running from his fears in hopes he’d have a wide advantage margin from them. Yet here they are, standing right in front of him in the form of a twenty year old you, and they’re there to let him know that you’ve never needed him, yet he’s always needed you.

He can’t even apologize, he only looks at you with wide eyes as he fidgets in his place. Either you’re both too old now to understand each other or you just realized that you’ve outgrown Jungkook. 

Your mouth set in a hard line as you crossed your arms, the night’s breeze feeling colder than usual. ‘‘I miss you Jungkook, but I can’t keep playing this cat and mouse game with you any longer.’’ 

You leave him behind to go back to Namjoon’s arms, seeking refuge in his sweet embrace as you try your hardest to put on practice what you learned all those years ago when Jungkook broke your heart for the first time, you should be used to it by now.

You’re twenty-one when you’re back in your hometown to attend the funeral of the old lady down the street, the one that always scolded you and Jungkook growing up. 

You had been scared of her as a child, but always following along your friend’s footsteps when he proposed playing around her garden. It tugs at your heartstrings even if you hadn’t known the woman well. Her death was imminent seeing as she’d been ill for quite some time. 

A taller figure stands next to you as you both stand way in the back of the ceremony. He looks tired and you figure that it’s because of the fact he arrived late into the night, you heard his car’s engine from your bedroom window. Dressing in all black, you notice he bought a new suit. You’re sure that the one he wore for prom no longer fits considering he’s bigger now. 

You haven’t talked to each other since last year when you both left off on a sour note. The hurt you felt was no longer present, though. You chewed on your bottom lip as you thought of a way you could talk to him again without making things awkward, but you let out a small gasp once he placed his arm around your shoulders, giving it a small squeeze as he sighed and kept his focus on the service. 

Watching the casket be lowered into the ground felt weird. She was a human being just like you, but her existence was a reminder of your childhood. Would it be okay to say that her death meant a part of you leaving with her too? 

Once it hits you, it’s Jungkook who consoles you by hugging you tight. Your eyes are too blurry with tears for you to realize this is one of those rare moments where he’s holding you close without hesitation. He lets you ruin his tuxedo’s jacket with your mascara covered tears as he brushes your hair as a sign of comfort. 

You know things are back in order when he proposes the idea to go back to the old lady’s porch, for old times sake. ‘‘Will we ever let her rest?’’ You ask him with a small laugh as Jungkook sits on the doorsteps of the old lady’s empty home, opening the bag of candy worms he bought at the grocery store. 

He shrugs, ‘‘She loved us, always told my mom how much she missed us running around the street.’’ The revelation makes you smile, hoping it was true. He pats the empty space next to him, indicating for you to fill it up with your presence. Once you do, you feel the familiar warmth of his proximity. 

Jungkook seems different and you only hope he’s changed for the best. 

‘‘When are you going back?’’ You ask him with curiosity, hoping that he’ll be in town for a few more days so you can catch up with him on a better note this time around. 

He munches on one of the snacks, ‘‘Tomorrow morning, I have training camp and can’t miss it.’’ His answer makes you sigh with disappointment, but you nod nonetheless. ‘‘What about you?’’ He asks in return, and you inform him that you’ll stay for a few more days to spend time with your family. There’s silence after that and Jungkook can only offer you the gummy worms in the bag, you take one with a small thanks.  

‘‘College fucking sucks,’’ he says out of nowhere and it makes you look at him in bewilderement, ‘‘I hate it there, I wanna drop out so bad. But I’m a year away from graduating so it’s too late now.’’ You see his shoulders visibly relax, like a weight had been lifted off them. ‘‘Plus my mom would kill me if I do so,’’ he adds with a chuckle. 

Last time you asked everything was fine. Had things changed or had they always been this way and he was just now being honest with you?

You rest your head on his shoulder and focus all of your undivided attention on him as he keeps rambling about what his life has been ever since he left this town. He’s had bad games, bad grades, and bad girls. But he’s also had incredible games, good grades, and a couple great hookups, and yet he still feels empty, it’s not enough. 

‘‘I miss you,’’ he mumbles as he faces you, ‘‘I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend, you deserved better.’’ His apology is genuine and you can feel it in the way his voice trembles, sincerity has always scared him after all. 

Jungkook’s never known when the time is right, and he misjudges the look on your face. When he leans down to press his lips against yours, he’s blinded for a mere moment into believing that you wanted to kiss him just as much as he had been waiting. 

You abruptly separate from him with wide eyes and parted lips, ‘‘Jungkook, I’m─I’m dating Namjoon now.’’ He can physically feel his heart shatter, the revelation coming out like an old newspaper headline he should’ve read a long time ago. 

He lets out a breathless chuckle, ‘‘He got over the commitment issues?’’ The rhetorical question is bitter. 

You scoff, ‘‘And what about it? I preferred to wait than to rush into getting my heart broken.’’ Plus it’s not like you were expecting Namjoon to grow feelings for you, the whole no strings attached arrangement was named that way for a reason. 

Jungkook looks at you with narrowed eyes and he shakes his head sightly. Old habits never die down, still so stubborn and challenging as ever. 

He’s startled as you stand abruptly, fuming as you look at him, ‘‘I don’t even know why you care! Did you forget that you threw my Valentine’s Day card into the trash? Or that you kissed Yeji in front of my face? Or that you let Taehyung date me as prank between your friends? Or that you were making out with Eunha while Jimin kept giving me alcohol? Or that you asked Jaehyun to take me to the stupid prom even though I was perfectly fine going without him or anyone for that matter?’’

‘‘We were just kids!’’ Jungkook argues back at you.

‘‘It still fucking hurt,’’ you counter, ‘‘still hurts, actually. You think that by giving me a measly apology and kissing it better I’ll suddenly forget about all of it?’’ Jungkook knows it won’t ever make up for all those years, but he had at least hoped you’d be willing to give him a chance. 

He wishes he could say something else. Explain that he had just tried to protect you in his own shitty way from everyone else or himself maybe, he doesn’t know anymore. He wants to speak up again, but there’s disappointment written all over your face, you’re not angry at him...just saddened. 

‘‘Hope you have fun at your training camp.’’

Jungkook watches as you leave him sitting by himself on the old lady’s doorstep. A hand runs through his hair as he feels his eyes water, and he can almost hear a whisper in the wind that asks him why he didn’t stop you when he could’ve. 

Jungkook didn’t think that his family coming together with yours for Christmas dinner would’ve been a great idea. You’re cold to him at first and it’s fitting for the winter weather, but as always it only takes for him to sit next to you for things to warm up again. 

It’s with the excuse that you’ll run over to your house to grab a new bottle of wine from the kitchen counter that Jungkook trails behind you, both slightly tipsy on the different alcohols your families had offered each other. 

Years have passed since he last stepped foot inside your home, you used to visit him more often than he did anyway. It still smells and looks the same; the only difference is that there’s new pictures of you hung up on the walls, updated accordingly to the changes you’ve made ever since you left off for college.

You’re sporting a big smile in all of them, which in exchange makes him copy the action as well. His lack of presence in your life has done you better than compared to when he was around, and if that’s the case, then at least he did something right. 

There hasn’t been much said since the beginning of the night, just a simple hey out of courtesy. There’s so much he wants to say, but with no clue where to begin. Another apology is due, though he thinks it’s a little too late for that. He also wants to ask about what you’ve been up to since he last saw you, are you still dating the Namjoon guy you had told him about after he kissed you? If he’s still there, Jungkook rather keep quiet and not wonder out loud to you, he’s sure that it’ll hurt if it’s true. 

Growing up Jungkook always mistook your bravery with stubbornness and your courage with relentlessness. You’ve always been challenging, but only because you wanted him to do so too. It’s moments like this that prove him that you’ve always been the stronger between the two.

‘‘So, we’re just gonna pretend like nothing’s wrong between us?’’ You ask, speaking directly to him for the first time that night. It makes him look at you like a deer stuck in headlights, surprised by the sudden question and out of all the years of knowing each other, he feels small under your gaze for once. ‘‘How much time is it going to pass until you want to finally talk things like adults?’’ 

Jungkook gulps the lump in his throat, his brain quickly thinking of the right thing to say, ‘‘I just wanted to protect you from─’’

‘‘From what? From you? Everytime you’ve done that I end up getting hurt in the end. I’m left to pick the pieces up by myself,’’ you interject with anger in your voice. ‘‘It fucking pisses me off that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you kissing me, I haven’t stopped thinking about you and─’’ A sigh, you close your eyes to center yourself again as Jungkook waits for the final blow, ‘‘and you look like none of this has ever bothered you in the slightest because, you don’t really care about me do you?’’

‘‘I do care about you.’’ He’s sure about it, even though he’s been extremely bad at showing it. 

Even though your eyes are threatening to spill tears, you still muster up the last bit of what’s left of your courage to step closer to him until you’re a few inches away. ‘‘Prove it, then. Show me that you care.’’ 

His brain is sent into quick overdrive due to your close proximity. There’s a slight hesitation because he only hopes that what he’s about to do is what you’re demanding him to prove. He doesn’t care if you’re still dating the Namjoon guy because he’s settled with the idea that it’s okay if you don’t correspond, it’s not like he did the same to you when you were both younger. 

Once his lips press against yours, there’s no turning back. He’s waiting for you to push him back and let him know that your heart’s still taken, but you kiss him with such fervor that he knows in that moment that you’re right, it’s better to wait than to rush right in. 

It’s no fairytale kiss, though. There’s desperation in the way you chase his lips, as if you were to slow down he’d find a way to escape from you. You grip the cotton material of his crewneck into your small fists, holding on to the fabric like your life depended on it. The small kiss you had both shared last year was nothing compared to this, and Jungkook’s taken aback by your neediness. 

He doesn’t know how you manage to drag him to your childhood bedroom without missing a beat, only separating once you both realize you need to catch your breaths, and even then Jungkook can’t have a minute to take just happened in because your lips attach to his neck to get more of a taste. His fingers curled around your arm, sighing at the way your kisses felt like electricity on his skin. 

‘‘Y/N,’’ he calls your name out in a breathy tone, but you’re too immersed in your little bubble to even realize it. 

Jungkook groans when you bite into the skin of his neck, then blowing over the red mark as you kissed it better. It’s going to be bruise and he doesn’t like when that happens, but he’s not bothered at all if it comes from you. He forcibly grabs your chin so you can face him, looking at him with big eyes, a small pout, and with your chin messed with drool. 

It’s then that Jungkook kisses you hungrily, making you feel like you’re in a dream-like state,  though you could partially blame the Christmas eggnog for that. The way he bites at your lips and how your tongues clash together is an extreme juxtaposition as to how you could describe this moment. It’s as if you’re floating on air, clouds surrounding you in a heavenly embrace, angels singing in the background every time his hands touch, grab, hold and caress every part of your body. And yet, even with such a difference, it’s perfect because it’s Jungkook. You’ve been waiting for this too long, which is why your hands creep beneath his crewneck, touching his tonified abdomen tentatively and enjoying the way goosebumps arise on his skin at the sensation of your fingers trailing patterns wherever they caress.  

It’s only fair that he pays attention to yours as well. Jungkook’s lips trail from your mouth onto your jawline, planting wet kisses on each space until he begins sucking on the skin of your neck, making you moan in the process. He chooses then that his new favorite sound is the way you voice out the pleasure he gives you. ‘‘Hurry up,’’ you say, ridding the bottom of the crewneck higher over his stomach, making him shiver at the sudden change of temperature. 

Jungkook chuckles before completely getting rid of the material, ‘‘Calm down,’’ he sighs as he gives you a sweet smile, ‘‘You know our moms could talk forever.’’ 

You ogle his chest, admiring the way his training camps have obviously done wonders to his body. ‘‘It’s not them I’m talking about,’’ you correct him with a teasing smile that only makes his grin grow wider, chuckling at your impatience. Jungkook lets out a small gasp of surprise when your hands grasp at his shoulder blades, turning him around so you can back him until the back of his knees hit the edge of your bed. It’s funny how he lets himself be bossed around by someone who’s way smaller compared to his frame.

Jungkook finds leverage on his elbows splayed against the mattress, your knees resting on each side of his hips as you leaned into him and kissing him just as widely as you had done before. Jungkook could fill just how quick things were escalating, especially the way his crotch area was beginning to become a problem he couldn’t possibly control at the moment, not with your own being directly on top of it. In any other situation he would’ve apologized with an awkward laugh, but his breath hitches once your hips start grinding over him.  

His hands make their way on the inside of your knitted sweater, provoking goosebumps on the exposed skin. You let out a shaky laugh, halting your movements so you can quickly get rid of the fabric as Jungkook’s eyebrows lift in surprise at your haste and then at the sight of your bra covered breasts. His hands are still steadily placed on each side of your waist, only brought up because your own had redirected them over your breasts, hoping he gets the message on what you want him to do now.   

Jungkook hesitantly squeezed one of the round globes, provoking a small moan to come from out of your lips. He wishes to hold you as close as he possibly can because the idea of ever being away from you again has been his main fear as of lately. But he refrains, you look so delicate and he feels like you could easily break. He stares at your body lovingly and your cheeks heat up at the way his eyes ogle your chest like a kid in a candy story. You give his arm a light slap and he chuckles, leaning over you to place a passionate kiss on your lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he says frankly. It doesn’t help to dissipate the flush on your face, but the compliment doesn’t bother you in the slightest. Jungkook leans in to trail kisses past your collarbones and into the swell of your breasts, making you bite your lip with anticipation. He looks at you asking for permission and you nod quickly with parted lips as you start to become impatient for him to make his next move. Jungkook lowers the cups of your breasts, freeing your hardened nipples and immediately envelopes one of them with his lips. “Mph—!” A sigh escapes your lips as you try to memorize the way his tongue traces over your tit. He pays attention to your other one, fingers rolling over the bud and pinching ever so often. 

You can feel your panties damp by then, trespassing into the fabric of the black leggings you’re wearing over them. Reaching behind your back, you fumble in unclasping the hooks of the now uncomfortable bra. Jungkook’s forced to stop the undivided attention he had places on your breasts to look at you like he’s lost, why are you going so fast? 

Once your hands delve with the buckle of his belt, he has to hold on to your wrists with a firm grasp, ‘‘What are you doing?’’ He asks with quick breath, you blink stoically towards him. 

‘‘Uh─getting you naked?’’ You answer with a nonchalant tone, but his hands don’t let go and your demeanor changes, ‘‘D-Did you not want this?’’ Your voice turns smaller, embarrassed that maybe you had pressured him into something he didn’t want to participate in. 

Jungkook quickly shakes his head no, ‘‘No, I-I do want this! It’s just─you’re going so fast,’’ he tries to explain, ‘‘I’ve been waiting for this for too long, I don’t wanna rush.’’ Your eyes lit up at the revelation as he waits for you to answer back, only for his back to hit the comforter with a small thud, giggling at the way you urgently kiss him again, but this time with much more care. 

‘‘Why didn’t you say so before, stupid?’’ You mumble with a sheepish look, ‘‘I thought it was just going to be─nevermind, I need you right now.’’ You have to force yourself from spitting out any details that could possibly ruin the moment between you two, deciding to wait instead for any emotional confessions you want to make. 

He switches positions between the two, panting as he brings you down to the mattress and Jungkook can feel the goosebumps on your skin, whether from the coldness of the room or because of the sheer electricity of his hands caressing your body like it was molded just right for him. He dips his hand lower, cupping your clothed heat on his hand. It makes you tremble and you whine, encouraging him to keep going. 

“Baby, you’re really wet,” he comments with a teasing tone and you pout at him. His fingers hook into the waistband of your leggings and he pulls them down as he travels with them, greeted by the sight of the damp cloth of your panties. He exhales with content, caressing your thighs in an up and down motion. You twist underneath him and he has to hold your hips down to calm you down, “Patience is a virtue.” 

“I’ve been too patient, do some—Ah!” Your whining is interrupted once Jungkook moves your underwear to the side holding it with his free hand, fingers coming to trace the slick covering your pussy lips. He becomes entranced with the transparent gooey liquid, bringing them close to his face as he separates his fingers and sees a strand connecting between them. “Guk-ah, p-please…” Your needy voice brings him back to reality, delving his fingers back into your exposed heat but this time with intent. 

Jungkook’s thumb lifts the hood covering your clit, mouth coming down to give it a small tentative kiss. That action alone has you writhing above him, it makes him chuckle to himself as he dives back in. The moans you let out are loud and clear inside your bedroom, thankful that it’s only you and him inside your house. Your hand pulls at his hair, making him groan against you and the vibrations are felt throughout your body, only adding to the euphoric pleasure you already possess. His fingers trace the inside of your thighs until they reach your entrance, circling the fluttering hole which makes you pull at his hair harder and with your other you hold on to the bedsheets of the comforter tightly into your fist. 

Jungkook’s tongue is still working your engorged bud, but he focuses his eyes on you as he dips the first finger inside you. “Oh—fuck,” you let out in a breathy moan. He tries to maintain a rhythm between his two ministrations, but it’s hard when he wants to focus on all of them at once. “‘Nother, please,” you begged once he let your clit rest, quickly following your request by adding another into your warm heat. He lets out a breathless chuckle as he notices how easy it is to thrust both fingers inside of you, your whole crotch area is covered in slick and his wet chin is a dead giveaway to where he was seconds ago. 

He watches you unravel over him with such adoration, not even his wettest dreams or dirtiest fantasies could prepare him for this. Seven minutes in heaven he plans to stay in forever. “Guk-ah, I wan’ you. I-Inside, please.” You plead with teary eyes, and he slowly stops, removing his arousal covered fingers from inside you as he makes you sigh in the process. He kisses you again and again, your hazy brain is probably hallucinating all of this right now, but damn is it good. You tug at the crewneck he’s wearing, he’s too overdressed for this occasion. He tends to your demands, quickly getting rid of all the layers of clothing that stop him from being inside of you fully. 

“I don’t have a—“ 

“I’m on the pill.”

You both speak at the same time, making each other chuckle. Jungkook gulps at the idea of taking you raw as the first time together, and you salivate at his hardened length; the head already oozing precum out and you want nothing more than to wrap your lips around it and lick the tip up. You’re just about to when Jungkook quickly grabs your wrist to stop you from reaching him, you look up at him with the big sparkly eyes he has loved for too long. 

“I just—I wanna be inside you right now,” he sheepishly admits, and you smile with a nod; sharing the sentiment. You back up until your head rests on the pillows comfortably, relaxing into the mattress as you wait for Jungkook to ready himself. He places a kiss on your lips before placing a hand next to your head, using it as leverage above you. His free hand takes his cock and rubs the tip along your folds, making you squirm with anticipation. Jungkook chuckles, “Are you ready?” He asks with a sweet smile. 

“I’ve always been,” you whisper, your hand tucking a strand of his long hair behind his ear. 

A caress to his cheek as he nods, slowly pushing the head of his dick into you. You bite into your lip hard, it’s been a while since you had sex with someone and Jungkook’s size and girth was different from the rest. Your walls are tight around him and he has a tough time trying to reach the hilt with you squeezing him so hard, “Baby, relax for me.” He pleads and you nod apologetically, breathing in deep as you feel him reach parts inside of you, you didn’t know existed. Once he’s all the way in, he waits for you to give him the go ahead while he presses kisses into your heated cheek. You wrap your legs around his waist and give him a nod, letting him know he was allowed to start thrusting.

Jungkook manages to hit all the right places, keeping a steady pace as he enters and exits you each time. You’re left to moan and writhe underneath him, letting him take you as he pleases. Your kisses become messy, teeth biting into each other’s lips, teeth grazing against each other as you both tried to fight for the dominant position. It’s that heavy makeout that incites you to push at his shoulders, making him turn in his back, exiting you in the process. Jungkook pants, chest rising and falling with quickness as you straddle his lap, arms connecting behind his neck. 

“You always want to win, right?” He chuckles with half lidded eyes, enjoying the way your pussy lips grinded over his twitching length. You bat your eyelashes at him, offering him an innocent smile. The same technique that used to get you everything you wanted when you were younger. Same determination as you seek for what’s yours. He’s under you after all, still a victim to your charms.

Jungkook takes the bulbous head of his cock and teases it in your clit, if you weren’t holding on to him tight you would’ve collapsed into his chest. And by the way you moan his name out, he knows you’ll always look for him no matter the weather. “What a pretty girl,” he coos into your hair and you pinch his nipple in retaliation which only makes him groan in return. “My pretty girl.” He states before sinking himself deep into you again, sighing at the feeling of your hips circling over him. His rough hands guide them as you bounce up and down his length, moaning every time you rose and hissing when you came back down. 

He makes sure to keep this image engraved on his head forever. Your breasts bouncing over his face, your thighs working extra hard to keep up with his thrusts, and the way your sounds bounced off the walls of your bedroom. 

“You’re doing s-so good, baby.” Jungkook praises you, kneading your ass cheek. “Taking my cock s-so well,” he falls into a trance of admiring the way his length would appear and disappear inside of you, covered in a thick layer of your arousal. It makes him drill into you faster, sitting properly against the bed’s headboard as he takes your hips with force. He’s too turned on to keep treating you so delicately, and the way you moan and pant at the increase in speed only lets him know you enjoy him like this way more. “I-Is it good, baby? Am I-I fucking you well?” He asks in between rapid thrusts, your thighs had given out by then. 

You nod and a whimper escapes your lips, “Y-yes, Guk-Ah. S-so good, feels amazing.” Your praise is honest, the fucked out tone in your voice is a clear indicator of how well of a job he was doing. A minute longer and you’ll be right on cloud nine, never wanting to come back down. “Wanna cum Guk-Ah, plea—“ There’s no need for you to even finish your sentence because his thumb rubs your clit in figure eights, making you groan with the intensified feeling of his hips circling inside you deliciously. You can almost see the blinding white light ahead as Jungkook kisses you feverishly. You feel tears escape the corners of your high, the familiar feeling tickling inside you as Jungkook’s thrusts don’t let up. ‘‘Ah! Yes, yes, fuck,’’ you cry out once your orgasm hits. Jungkook holds you close to his chest, trying to soothe your shaking body with his arms. Your walls squeeze and relax continuously around him, it serves him as the impulse he needs to chase his own high. 

‘‘I love you, Jungkook,’’ you confess in between panting breaths, ‘‘so much.’’ 

His release shoots out and he groans, digging crescent moons into your hips. You hiss at the sensation, but giggle at how his eyes are screwed shut and brows still furrowed together, as if he was holding on to the last of his orgasm. In reality, Jungkook is just hoping that once he opens his eyes you’ll still be in his arms. Your fingers tilting his head to face you are very much real, he sees spots once he opens his eyes as they adjust to the room’s lighting. 

‘‘I love you too.’’ He says with a fixed gaze and you coo at how perfect this is.

You’re twenty-two when Jungkook’s finally yours.

You’re both twenty-three and it’s another weekend spent at his apartment, he’s been playing for three hours now and you’ve given up on having him pay attention to you. Deciding to switch your plan around and join him instead, if only he would let you play.

‘‘Jungkook, you said it was going to be my turn five rounds ago!’’ You complain with a pout, crossing your arms across your chest. 

His gaze is still stuck on the T.V screen, ‘‘Baby, shhh, you’re gonna make me lose.’’ He mumbles as he tries to remain concentrated on the game in hand, but he can hear your humph’s from behind him, ‘‘Patience is a─’’

‘‘Virtue, yeah, who cares.’’ You interrupt him with a roll of your eyes, familiar with the saying a little too well. ‘‘Hope you remember that for later tonight,’’ you add in a mumble, but he doesn’t hear it because of the loud sounds coming from the game on the screen. 

‘‘What did you say, babe?’’ He asks with a raised brow, hitting the buttons of the controller with expert ease. 

‘‘I’ll call your mom and tell her you don’t wanna share.’’ You joke with a threatening voice, but Jungkook knows better than to take your words so lightly. He pauses the game and turns to look at you with an are you serious? expression on his face, you giggle as you’ve finally got what you wanted. 

He apologizes by covering your face with kisses, pleading for you not to tell on him with his mom. You promise not to do so this time, knowing that the woman was probably tired of having to scold his son at his big age. 

Plus, ever since Jungkook surprised you with the almost exact replica of the Valentine’s Day card you gave him all those year back, you’ve taken advantage to tease him even more knowing he’s at your beck and call. You always remind him that he came close because the stickers he used were not like the ones you had, but he remembered to add the hearts on the I’s so that’s good enough. 

‘‘Alright you can play, but━!’’ He says after he finishes his attack of kisses, ‘‘I’ll be your guide, I can’t risk you messing my record up, no offense baby.’’ None taken as you nod excitedly, you’ll always take whatever chance he gives you. 

Jungkook’s finally learned how to share his toys after all.