#i want to see the most gut wrenching angst ever written for them

[mamidots]

The under development of Sam's grief for the twins is such a missed opportunity folks it's haunting my every waking moment

[sidekick-hero]

If I only could, make a deal with God

Written for @steddieangstyaugust Day 10 and Day 11, "Where were you?" and Temporary Character Death. They were too perfect not to combine for a quick Kas!Eddie ficlet.

Tags: Kas!Eddie, Angst with a happy ending, mind manipulation, temporary character death

words: 1.5k | AO3 | rated M

Watching Vecna burn is even more satisfying than Steve ever imagined, though the stench of burning flesh makes his stomach twist. Each bullet Nancy fires sends a thrill of fuck yes through him. With every shot, he silently dedicates it—this is for Chrissy, this is for Fred, this is for Patrick, this is for Nancy, and finally, this is for you, Max.

But as he sees Vecna’s body crash through the window, a knot of unease tightens in Steve’s gut. It’s too easy. Too damn easy. Every year, they think they've won, but they never really do. The monsters keep coming, relentless.

Steve glances up at the night sky, framed by the hole Vecna left behind. The darkness feels wrong, like it’s still hiding something. Deep down, Steve knows it’s not over. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Do you think he’s…” Robin begins, her voice uncertain, but Nancy shakes her head before Steve can answer.

“No,” she says, her voice firm. “I can still feel him. He’s hurt, but he’s not dead.”

Her words hit like a punch when they step outside. The ground is scorched, but there’s no body. Just empty, burned earth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Robin mutters, pacing, while Nancy stares at the spot like it’s a personal insult. Steve knows that look—she blames herself. She feels like she failed because she didn’t kill him. As if it’s her responsibility, her burden to bear. But none of them should have to carry that weight.

Especially not the kids.

The kids.

“Dustin! Shit! Come on, we have to go!” Steve’s heart lurches as panic floods his veins. For a moment, he’d forgotten—lost in the fight, in the bitter taste of another near-miss. Dustin and Eddie, out there playing decoy, risking their lives to buy them time. If anything happened to them, Steve knows he’d never forgive himself.

He spots them almost instantly, two figures on the ground like a beacon drawing him in. The eerie silence is broken only by the haunting sound of Dustin's wheezing, mixed with raw, anguished cries.

Steve's heart hammers in his chest, and he breaks into a sprint, covering the last few feet in desperate haste. His knees hit the ground next to Dustin, and finally, Steve sees the body lying motionless on the cold, hard ground.

It’s Eddie. His eyes are open but lifeless, his skin impossibly pale, and a bright red trickle of blood runs from the corner of his mouth.

Steve knows he's gone, but he checks for a pulse anyway. There's nothing. Eddie is dead, and it's Steve's fault. He left them behind, chasing the role of the hero, and Eddie paid for it with his life.

Steve wasn’t there. He didn’t protect them, and now…

“Where were you?”

Dustin's voice slices through Steve’s spiraling thoughts, the question heavy with accusation. It's not just a question; it’s a condemnation. How could you let this happen? Why didn’t you save him?

“Dustin, I…”

“We needed you, Steve. He needed you! He’s…” A gut-wrenching sob shakes Dustin’s body, and Steve pulls him into his arms. Dustin clings to him like Steve is the only anchor keeping him tethered to reality.

“He can’t be gone. He can’t. He was just playing the most metal concert ever, Steve. He…he…”

Steve’s heart shatters under the weight of Dustin’s grief, a pain he never wanted him to bear. He recalls warning Dustin about love, about avoiding heartbreak, but this—this is so much worse than a broken heart.

This loss will change Dustin forever, just like Barb’s death changed Nancy.

Before Steve can find any words—though he doubts they would help—the girls arrive, urgency in their voices as they urge them to run. Steve looks up and sees the red storm in the sky, growing more violent with every second. They’re right. They have to move.

He pulls Dustin to his feet, but almost stumbles when Dustin resists, refusing to leave Eddie behind.

“We can’t just leave him here!”

“We have to! Dustin, come on.”

“No! I won’t leave him,” Dustin protests, his voice breaking, so Steve grabs him, hoisting him over his shoulder. He runs toward the trailer, ignoring Dustin’s screams of protest and the fresh pain from his bite wound.

Steve holds tight to the closest thing he’s ever had to a little brother, even as part of his sanity slips away at the thought of abandoning Eddie.

I’m sorry, he thinks, his mind screaming with guilt. I never wanted this to happen. I wish it was me, not you, Eddie.

“Where were you?”

A deep voice growls from behind, and when Steve turns around, the sight before him makes his blood run cold. He takes an instinctive step back, heart pounding in his chest.

It’s Eddie, but not quite.

The creature standing before him has Eddie’s familiar features—dark, curly hair, pale skin, those big dark eyes. But something’s wrong. The warm, soulful brown of Eddie's eyes is now tainted with a sinister red hue. He’s taller, his once-pale skin now tinged with an unnatural gray, and his fingernails have lengthened into sharp, claw-like points.

He looks terrifying.

And yet, beneath the nightmare, it’s still Eddie. Steve can see it, feel it.

“Eddie,” Steve begins, but the words catch in his throat, choking on the horror and guilt that threaten to overwhelm him.

“Where were you, Steve?” Eddie's voice is a mix of bitterness and something darker, more feral.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie, I…” Steve stammers, his mind racing for an explanation, for anything that could make this right, even as he knows it's impossible.

Steve’s heart races as he stares into the twisted reflection of Eddie, the boy he failed. The red tint in Eddie’s eyes burns with anger, and something far more sinister—a deep, unyielding hurt.

“You left me,” Eddie growls, his voice rough and cold, like shattered glass. “You all left me to rot.”

Steve flinches at the words, feeling their sting. “Eddie, no,” he pleads, his voice trembling. “We never wanted this. I swear, we never wanted to leave you behind.”

Eddie takes a step forward, his movements unnervingly smooth and predatory. “Liar,” he spits, his sharp nails twitching at his sides. “Vecna showed me the truth. You didn’t care. None of you did.”

“No!” Steve’s voice rises with desperation. “That’s not true, Eddie! We care about you. We all do! Dustin... he loves you, man. You should’ve seen him—how much he cried, how much he hurt. You meant the world to him. You still do.”

Eddie’s expression falters for a moment, a flicker of the old Eddie peeking through the dark rage. But the red in his eyes deepens, and he shakes his head, as if trying to shake off the doubt creeping in. “You’re lying. You’re just trying to save yourselves.”

Steve steps closer, ignoring the sharp claws, the monstrous transformation. All he sees is his friend, the boy who risked everything to protect them. “If that’s what it takes,” Steve says, his voice steady now. “If giving you my life means you’ll spare them, I’ll do it. If I could, I’ll trade places with you, Eddie. I’ll take your place in a heartbeat.”

Eddie stares at him, his expression unreadable. For a moment, the world around them seems to still, the storm above freezing in its rage. “You’d die for them?” Eddie asks, his voice softer, almost disbelieving.

“I would,” Steve says, his voice unwavering. “I’d die for you, too. Because you’re one of us, Eddie. We need you. Dustin needs you. I can’t take back what happened, but I can make sure you know that you’re loved. That you matter.”

Something cracks in Eddie’s demeanor, a chink in the armor Vecna had poisoned him with. The red in his eyes flickers, and the claws at his sides curl inward, less menacing.

“Don’t let Vecna twist this, Eddie,” Steve continues, his voice urgent, filled with the raw truth of his words. “He’s lying to you. He wants you to believe you’re alone, but you’re not. You’re never alone.”

Eddie’s breath hitches, a tremor running through him as he struggles against the dark hold on his mind. The storm above rumbles, as if sensing the shifting tide within him. “Steve, I…”

“You’re stronger than him,” Steve urges. “You’ve always been stronger, Eddie. Fight him. Fight for us. Fight for yourself.”

Eddie’s eyes squeeze shut, his whole body trembling as if he’s at war with himself. And then, with a sudden roar of pain and defiance, Eddie’s eyes snap open, the red receding, leaving behind the warm, familiar brown that Steve knew so well.

“I’m not his puppet,” Eddie growls, more to himself than anyone else. He looks at Steve, and for the first time since this nightmare began, Steve sees his friend—truly sees him—fighting through the darkness.

Steve nods, relief washing over him. “You’re not. You’re Eddie Munson, the guy who played the most metal concert ever to save our lives. And we’re gonna finish this fight together.”

Eddie looks at his hands, still twisted and monstrous, but the anger in his eyes is no longer directed at Steve or his friends. It’s focused on something far greater, far darker. “Let’s end this, Steve. For real this time.”

With a determined nod, Steve extends a hand, and Eddie takes it. Together, they turn to face the storm, ready to join their friends in the final battle against Vecna.

And this time, they’re going to win.

[avelera]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Ooh, thank you for this! As for tagging onward, I'm terrible at picking people and I hate to impose, so if you see this and want to fill it out just say I sent you ^^;;;

Giving Sanctuary: The Sandman, Dream/Hob, Canon Divergence AU. Basically, "What if Dream and Hob got together in 1689 when Hob was at his lowest and they bonded over the fact both of them have lost their sons?" Probably one of my most emotionally mature works, I poured a lot of my own meditations on life and grief into it, and it has some of the best dialogue I think I've written to date. I'm also quite proud that it's complete, lol, a running theme in this list.

The Only Way Out is Down: Pacific Rim, Newt/Hermann, post-Uprising but in an attempt to make sense of Uprising and add some depth and poetry to the years Newt and Hermann spent apart. Newt is trapped in a coma after the Precursors are destroyed and Hermann Drifts with him to try to wake him up. In the meantime, they pass through a mindscape inspired by Dante's Inferno, in which each of the 9 years they spent apart take on an aspect inspired by the Circles of Hell that they have to disrupt in order to move on to the next one. Basically a Newt Recovery fic that flips the script and explores how gut-wrenching and traumatizing those years would have been for both of them, but with a lot of humor and healing, this is not meant to be an angsty slog and some of my best comedy is in it too I think. Quite proud of how I interwove Dante's "Inferno" into the structure of the story, quite proud of the fact it's finished and novel-length, and I think I grew at writing character voices and sustaining them throughout a massively long fic with this one. I still jump to read any comments I get for this one because I'm so proud of it, you would not believe how much work went into it.

Prayers to Broken Stone: The Hobbit, Thorin/Bilbo, BotFA fixit in a way but we take the long way 'round. Dragon Sickness literally turns Thorin into a dragon and he and Bilbo need to survive being locked up alone inside Erebor long enough to find a cure for him, or else. The story is much more psychological than it may sound, it's much more about exploring Thorin's trauma through the lens of him turning into the creature he fears and loathes most in the world. Very proud of this fic since it's the first long fic I ever finished, it's the one that made me actually attend some highly competitive writing workshops since I finally felt like I had become a competent enough writer to be able to actually complete a novel. Also quite proud of the characterization, voices, and mythology created for this one.

Shanghaied: Pacific Rim, Newt/Hermann, post-Uprising again. Post-recovery fic, Newt returns to Shanghai where he was held captive by the Precursors for ten years and slowly spirals mentally when forced to confront the physical location of his torment once more, all while trying to put on a brave face for Hermann that only grows more manic as the night goes on. Still perhaps one of my most emotionally... sincere? works? It's the most based on personal experience during a bad time in my life but translated into a flavor of angst I don't see as much of in fic, it's probably one of my more literary pieces in that respect? Anyway, I'm very proud of the maturity of emotion in this one so I always race to see any comments that get left on it.

5. Come live with me and be my love: The Sandman, Dream/Hob, alternate 1789 hookup. Dream loses a bet to Desire and must live for one year as a normal human, in this specific case, one year as the husband or wife of a human of his choosing, without almost any of his powers, in order to better understand how humans live. Dream chooses Hob as his spouse, naturally, since Hob is the least unbearable of humans and not mortal and therefore not in danger from him. Hob is only too glad to oblige but unfortunately, this means Dream has to pretend to be a woman in order for them to blend in, so shenanigans ensue. While this is still a WIP I do intend to return to it and I am massively proud of it. I think it's one of the works I've done the most worldbuilding for from scratch, in the sense that I had to quickly familiarize myself to a reasonable degree with early 1800s England, a period I'm not actually all that fond of in history (I'm not really an Austen or Bridgerton fan, to say the least). I think it has some of my most ambitious writing in terms of scope and scale and some of the more clever writing in terms of building tension and crafting original characters who lend realism to the setting without overwhelming the central, more important characters of Dream/Hob and their story.

[killerlookz]

just wanna let you know, i’ve been meaning to reread all three parts of heartbeat! au because it’s one of the best joost klein au’s of all time & i will patiently wait literally forever for any future entries!! i’m not hopping in your inbox to pressure you, i know you’re on a hiatus, i just hope you don’t mind if i gush over your own work to you:

“it can’t be that easy”

•ngl i’m pretty sure i’ve read this chapter 4 times now? i’ve read “heartbeat” that many times too i think, but only read “no going back” twice?

•the angst in this is so perfectly written in every way, it crushes me every time i read it. everything feels so heartless, careless, purposefully soul-crushing, while at the same time, tender & full of unforgotten want and fulfillment.

•obv i feel so bad for reader but lina’s place in all this kills me, she doesn’t deserve to be caught in this break-up-cheating-rebound-spiral.

•it makes me wonder how lina & joost even got together? where did they meet? did joost instantly see her as a rebound? & how did they break up? did she find out about joost & reader that night? how furious was she? or perhaps their relationship was too fresh to create any deep wounds around joost?

•when reader is looking away and lina & joost discuss her being super drunk while reader’s *right there*, ooughh i’ve been that person so many times, not even being drunk or not even having an ex & their new partner talking about me, just…people…idk what it is—people like talking about me as if i’m not there…it’s…dehumanizing—makes me sick that it happened to reader, especially from joost & lina :((

•congratulations on writing some of the most gut-wrenching dialogue i’ve ever heard!!! specifically these quotes, i think about them almost day to day now:

•"Doesn't sound like you."

"Don't really feel like me."

(^makes me want to tear my skin off, i feel like this was the very moment joost even admitted that feeling to himself, i think post-break-up he’s obviously been heartbroken but i think there, at that party, on that couch, was the first time he vocalized the fact that he’s not even been himself without reader.)

•"Stop that," Joost's voice is low, soft. "Don't need to see that."

"Hard not to." You hum, letting your hand drop back down to his shoulder.

(^this??? this????! i haven’t been able to stop thinking about since i first read it..imagine tracing hickies on the love of your life’s neck because *you* didn’t leave them there & he says “don’t need to see that”???? because he’s ashamed of himself??? he wishes you didn’t see what he’s done without you!?!? ohhhhhhhmygoooooddduhhh actual chills & tears in my eyes reading that i will never be the same!!!)

•"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." You can't really appreciate his apology, a sorry not changing the fact now there's a girl other than you in his life.

"I am."

(^same thing as the hickies one, joosts genuine regret of what he’s done is actually making me feel like there’s this never-ending black hole inside of me just eating me alive forever…the hurt there is unmatched.)

•"Don't deserve it after-"

"Stop it." He immediately cuts you off, "You deserve this. And more, just sorry I'm showing you that so late."

(^ooohhh so now he wanna be a good boyfriend??? okay brooo okayyy…you couldn’t even meet your girlfriends friends tonight, you couldn’t even get up & dance with her!! bc you’re consumed to the core by your ex only once she’s broken your heart…tsk tsk…okay man whatever!!!)

it might be for all these reasons that “it can’t be that easy” is my favorite chapter??? dare i say that??? fluff is good, comfort is great, but angst? that biting feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get from angst is unmatched. “it can’t be that easy” gives me that feeling every single time. i need a cigarette after reading it..i’ll brb while i go read the other two chapter tonight as well ^_^

-ego⋆♱✮

hi oh my goodness i just saw all your inboxes and this is just so sweet 😭 i wish i could just go and write every single second of heartbeat lore now OMFG- you are so kind! thank you so much for your thorough review of heartbeat. it makes me so incredibly happy to know that people genuinely enjoy my work. thank you so so sooo very much 🩷 i hope there is more to come in the future once i have time! my winter break is in less than a month and is like 50% longer than it usually is so, ill have over a month to get back to writing!! i hope i will be able to :-)

[chloeangelic]

😭Why am I crying in the club rn?😭

Listed by author in alphabetical order cause I'm an organized bitch, here are the fics that made me Sit And Think™️ (or cry) in 2023, or

✨ my top 5 gut wrenching authors selection ✨

featuring @atinylittlepain @cherubispunk @macfrog @netherfeildren and @5oh5 🤍🤍🤍

Everyone knows I love angst, I love terrible gut wrenching pain and suffering and then I love it when my tears are drying on my cheeks and they fuck nasty, hell yeah 😎

So if you're like me, here are some recommendations!!

💙 @atinylittlepain

Deliver Me From Nowhere

Read the whole thing in one night and cried repeatedly during. I had it looming in the back of my mind for weeks but didn't feel like I was in the right headspace until I suddenly was, and it hit differently. I love Dolores, I love Joel, I love how he sees her, their dynamic, the exploration of her emotions and headspace, her body language. Fantastic. Want to cry just thinking about it so I'm gonna STOP.

June

Sat and stared at the wall for a long time after this one, then worked up the courage to post TMWH which I seriously don't think I would've had the guts to post had it not been for June. I love how it handles a sensitive, painful, and very real subject, I love that it doesn't paint Joel as a fixer or savior but rather a realistic, kind partner. Again, his understanding of her and how he makes space for her is something I appreciate so much in DMFN and June.

💗 @cherubispunk

Cherub

This one is an excruciating Sit And Think - I didn't cry but I sat there paralyzed for 48 hrs with a thousand yard stare, just thinking intensely about it, after my second read through. Two chapters and I'm already messed tf up over it!! I read them in the middle of the night and then during the day and I have never been this messed up over something labeled PWP before. The passion, the ominous vibes, Cherub being so soft and Joel having this strange dark vibe... I literally just thought about it constantly for two days and I still can't fully put my finger on why. It just slithered into my brain and I still think about it often and go back to read bits and pieces like a little treat.

💚 @macfrog

All Three Dogs

Max posted this on my most depressed day of 2023 so like fuck you ??? I'm sorry like this is phenomenally written and stunning but like what the fuck is wrong with u i'm not even giving u any more compliments on this one bruv sorry you made me like a DBF series and that's a mortal sin so YOU'RE DONE !!! Fucking dead mackerel eyes speak into the mic bitch chicago sunroof 1 after magna carta i am not crazy squat cobbler jesus christ marie lookin ass

Sweet Child O' Mine - particularly pt ii

This one is so cute and yet it hurts so much. It's so real, the MC is so... I don't even know what to say, she's so on her own and she seems so kind and selfless and it just hurts to think about her cause you can feel her love for her child and for Joel and ugh. She tries so hard to be the best person she can be for everyone and it's one of those situations where nobody is doing anything wrong and yet everyone either is already hurt or gonna get hurt, and I think it's that oscillation between love and hurt that really gets me. I also read this in the middle of the night and all I had to say in my RB was like "thanks for making me cry asshole" (I'm known for my profound commentary).

💜 @netherfeildren

Fear of God - particularly the epilogue

Fear of God is my all-time fav Joel series, the best Joel characterization I've come across and it generally set the tone for my taste in fic. It was the second series I started reading on here when I came back to Tumblr, and it's the first piece of writing that has ever truly moved me. His character arc is absolutely INSANE !! I made the mistake of reading the epilogue while listening to Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish, and for months I couldn't listen to it without crying. The day before my graduation, I kept listening to it on repeat in some strange form of self-torture and I had to explain to my bf why I was sobbing. Try to explain all of FoG in a coherent way through tears, I dare u ! I can't say much without spoiling but basically when I think back on getting into fanfic, FoG is what marks the beginning for me and I will never ever forget this piece of writing ever in my life. (Shoutout to when I got caught getting a nut off to one of the FoG extras - I can't really talk about the series without mentioning that)

The Cassandra Complex - particularly ch I, ch IV, and ch VIII

I didn't give much of a fuck about Din before TCC cause i saw him as like a taller hotter R2D2 and now here I am... Eating my words like a ration pack. I have to do a big girthy throbbing TCC reblog cause I have a lot to say about my fav series in the world but basically I can't read ch 4 without crying and even though this is a Star Wars fic and it makes no sense for me to relate to it the most out of anything on Vic's ML, sith girly is the most relatable MC thanks to her constantly feeling haunted by her past, feeling like she's hiding, feeling unworthy, torpedoing herself, and seeing so much beauty in others but struggling to see it in herself. I'll save the rest of my thoughts for the big RB but basically I've even cried at the fucking SMUT in this series like I'm on another planet when I read it (haha get it?? cause Star Wars??)

🧡 @5oh5

From Eden

Staring At The Wall Saturdays again - I hate how much I see my younger self in little sunflower girlie, I hate that I recognize how trapped she feels in her marriage. It's such an accurate portrayal of feeling chained to a man who doesn't deserve you, and of how guilty you feel for not even acting on feelings for someone else yet but just recognizing within yourself that you deserve better, like that pain of accepting that you're not treated right and that visceral feeling of unfairness that comes with being in the wrong relationship. The guilt you feel for even just thinking it, you know? And having to recognize how you've been treated. Ugh. Also this Joel is... His mannerisms are... I.... I'll be right back-

And now, for the most important award ever. The winner of

🏆Biggest Chloe Tear Jerker 2023🏆 is...

🎉 @netherfeildren 🎉 and this is her 24/7

[mimikittysblog]

✨MimiKitty's 2023 Fic Wrapped✨

So as a fun activity my friends all decided to make a 2023 wrapped ppt! So I decided to make one for all the fics I read in 2023! (I didnt get to present it btw lol)

I put what I decided to be my top fics for each month! Whether it be because of amazing writing, gut wrenching angst, sickeningly cute fluff or nastiest smut I decided to put it as my favorite fic for that month!

NOTE: Some of these were not exactly written/published in the month that I put them in but it was when I read and/or reblogged it!

Now without any further ado! Here is my 2023 Fic wrapped!

January

Happiness by @end-hyphen

Why is painter hoon so attractive???? 😭 The angst in this fic is SO GOOD! Its just really memorable and I love the ending too! ALSO THE PLOT TWISTS?!?! I was gagged yo. I was gripping my phone when I was reading this!!! It's just a really beautiful well written fic! Loooove it so much!!

February

In Another Life by @httphannie

First of all the smut was great!! Loved it! But maaann THE ANGST THROUGH OUT THE WHOLE FIC IS SO GOOD!! The ending is one of the most tear jerking, gut wrenching, heart breaking, soul crushing endings I've ever read. SEUNGCHEOL!! YOU SHOULD'VE JUST FUCKIN ESCAPED PLEASEEEE! I remember BAWLING when I first read it, and ✨surprise surprise✨ I cried again just recently when I reread it again. Its so beautifully written, I get every emotion thats poured into this fic and the story itself is so good and unique in a way I just love it! (also kinda funny but love how this is the only SVT fic that made it on this list 😂😂😂)

March

More than This by @heesbaby

KITTY JAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all.

But in all seriousness, this is a wonderful smau!! I loved every bit of it!! Its so cute and soft! Jay is so BABY KITTY 🥹🥹🥹 I love him to bits! And the funny parts are also so funny! The smut is also good but to me its also so cute too! ALSO THE ANTAGONIST MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT ARSON HOW DARE SHE HURT MY PRETTY BBY JAY!!! But when a fic gets me reacting like that you know its good! Overall an amazing smau! Love love!

April

The Archer and His Queen by @forjongseong

ARCHER JAY GOT ME ACTING UP DUDEEEE!!! The thought its so hot but you wanna know whats hotter??? HOW RESPECTFUL HE IS THROUGH OUT THIS FIC!! He truly respects his Queen and then truly falls in love with her?!? I CANNOT! Also I like how unique it is! In a way that Jay isn't a knight, not a prince, not a king, not just like a commoner, but an archer. Idk I just like how different it is, how often is it to have the love interest be an archer? (I'm sure pretty common but I rarely see it hehe) plus.. again, thats hot 🥰 The smut is so gooooood!! and the ending is adorable!

May

Ship Happens by @/tfwheeseung

MERMAID JAKE!!!!! Like. MERMAID! JAKE!! Now this story, I don't think any of you can read it anymore? as tfwheeseung (lily) has deactivated. So thats a shame, but if theres a way you can read it please do!! Its so cute and so funny! Jake is like a mermaid pup combined he's adorable here!! HE JUST WANTED TO CATCH YOU A FISH!!! How adorable is that?! Its just a simple and adorable fic that I cant stop giggling about every time I think about it!

June

Angels Like You by @ham-st4r

OH THIS ONE IS SOOOOOOO GOOOOOD!! DUDE THE HEART BREAK I FELT FOR HEESEUNG IN THIS FIC AAAAAAA!!

“I believed that you had changed, I really did,” // “I gave you my heart” // "I trusted you with my body,” //“I-I loved you”

Heart breaking dude 😭😭😭 Like how dare the reader break this soft boys heart!! BUT THE ENDING IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! LIKE AAAA!! I shed some tears!! Overall I truly absolutely adooooree this fic!!! Plus reading it while listening to the song makes you cry harder 👍

July

Hype Boy by @onlyjaeyun

DOMESTIC JAKE!!! Bro Jakes backstory man 😔😔😔 I've never heard of anything sadder like I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM AND HIS ADORABLE AND ANGEL OF A BABY BROTHER! I adore the Sim brothers so much and I will do anything I can to protect them AAAAAAAAAA!!!! Hype Boy is such an adorable and sad smau but it ends so beautifully! Jake has an amazing support system in this smau and just the love he has for his baby brother and the reader is unmatched I love love love!!

August

Rule Number 1: Don't Fall in Love by @jaylaxies

Dude idk why I love fake dating tropes, especially when its to get revenge! So I was hooked from the beginning!!! So HAHAHAH GET FUCKED HOON! Jake is SUCH A GREEN FLAG THROUGH OUT THIS ENTIRE THING ITS GORGEOUS TO READ!!!! Also Undercut Jake?!?!? 🤭 yes pleaseeeeee!! also this one?? the smut?? oh yeah it is NASSTYYYYY IN A GOOD WAY AND I LOVE THATT!! But the aftercare is just perfect!! This is a reaaaalllyy good fic that I always find myself constantly rereading!

September

Poison by @onlyjaeyun

Oh wow another onlyjaeyun smau??? well duh when this on is just AN ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE!!!! LIKE OOOHH MY GOD IS THIS ONE AMAZING! Like heeseung is so... AKJSJS I HAVE NO WORDS 😭 The fact he actually gets off on the readers pleasure??? HOT BRO. And how can I not put this as the best thing I read during september when it has lines like THIS:

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you, princess" // "I just can't break this promise, Sunghoon is my everything",

"and what about me? What am I to you?"

"My most precious treasure."

Do I need to explain further??? Yeah. I thought so 😊

October

Come Back to Me by @enhaheeseung

This entire series was a rollercoaster of a read. Like the way I went from "FUCK YOU HEESEUNG!" to "NO WAIT TAKE HIM BACK" to "YES GO HEESEUNG GO!!" to "HEESEUNG YOU DICKHEADDD" to "Oh god you poor thing" to "Omg yay! theyre together 🥰" is absolutely amazing!! As this was a series, every time I saw a notification for the next part of this fic showed up I immeeeediately read it! Caused me to be late for work a couple of times but it was worth it 👍👍👍👍. It's written really well! I just love this story and how it makes my heart clench and have me at the edge of my seat! Just amazing!

November

Verboten by @heesbaby

YES. JUST AN ABSOLUTE YES!! This smau is SO FRICKIN GOOD! Daddy Heeseung?? like duh yes please! But even before then reader got to play around with 02z 🤭🤭🤭🤭 so that was fun! and what made me love this one so much was also HOW FUNNY IT IS??? Like Cinna I don't think we give you enough credit youre like- SO FUNNY?? How you even thought of having Niki doxx Jake I'll never know but it's just so funny and I'll forever laugh at that thought. But this smau is also just so frickin fluffy at times! the relationship heeseung has with the reader is so fucking healthy, I'm actually jealous. I loved this smau very very much!

December

Strictly Business by @onlyjaeyun

And a surprise to absolutely no one!!! Of course Zadie's third smau had to be on here! NOT MY FAULT SHE MAKES AMAZING STORIES!!! Plus Jay??? as a CEO??? WHAT CAN BE HOTTERRRRR?!?! Of course it's automatically my favorite!!! But besides that Jay is just... so amazing!! He'll literally do ANYTHING for the reader and thats so fucking endearing! My mans in love your honor! We love a rich man who's in love! Find me a man like that please! Besides that the smut is amazing yo, and the ddlg parts 🤭🥰🤭🥰 got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair bro!! It's really no surprise how amazing this one is! especially with how sweet and amazing everyone is (besides some of the antagonists of course!) 100000/10 smau! truly!

And that was my 2023 fic wrapped!!! Also Honorable mentions to these specific creators and fics cause I also REALLY LOVED THEM! I just had to mention them:

@ham-st4r for Wrong Doings

@enhaheeseung for Nobodies

@strzlun for Midnight

@yunjardi for Double Trouble

@luvyeni for Forever and Always

@shanbinswf for Brand New Moves

@yeonjunszn for So Sick

@kitten4sannie for Space in Between

@yoursjaeyun for Endless Love

Thank you to everyone who wrote all these amazing stories! You all really make my days better! I hope you all continue to write for 2024!! I also wish 2024 will be kinder to you! Love you all! 💕

[sweetpascal]

17, 44 & 47 !!!! 💗💗💗

ask game

hello, my darling yasi 🩷☺️

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

"Now I must remember you for longer than I have known you." - Fates of Two, Entwined (second to last paragraph at the end)

i remember seeing this quote so loonngggg ago and it stuck with me. it tore me up inside because remembering someone longer than knowing them is probably the most painful feeling you have to experience. so having a forbidden love type of story where they haven't confessed to one another but they know one loves the other, and completely ruining that by sprinkling in some angst ??? oh my god, HEARTBREAK. and i was successful in making my readers cry and feel that gut-wrenching heartache (hehehehehheheheeh).

44. any writing advice you want to share?

write things you really want to write, in the way you really want to write them. even though you can adopt new techniques, please remember that all writers operate differently. comparison is the thief of joy. even i compare myself to A LOT of extremely talented writers. but little by little, you can started incorporating certain techniques into your writing that allows you to still write comfortably while also improving your skill set. 🩷🩷🩷

47. what story are you most proud of?

Fates of Two, Entwined

this is the one story that unfortunately got the least bit of attention, but i'm not angry at it. this story took so loonnggg to write, and i put in hours, upon HOURS of medieval research into it. on google docs, it's 35 pages. and rereading it, i couldn't be more happier with the outcome. i will hold that story so close to my heart because from start to finish, it's beautifully devastating 🥹 i even surprised myself.

my fiancé is my biggest supporter when it comes to my writing. having him be apart of that journey with this story was a lot of fun. when i would feel dejected about my lack of knowledge with the medieval times, he would boost me back up and reassure me, and he would even help me edit and coach me by giving me his own knowledge of the medieval times cause he's a big ol' nerd heheheh.

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

well, i was gonna have to do this episode eventually lmao

you know... i don't actually remember now what my expectations were for this episode??? i think we were all still onboard the miorine is going to lose an eye train or something and just knew some shit was gonna go down this ep lol

if we ever get a recap movie i really hope we get to see the whole plan here get told to eri... like i just really really wanted miorine to have a serious conversation with eri for like the entire series lol

gosh, the beginning of this episode is so rough to rewatch lmao. suletta is so damn smitten with miorine. just standing out here waiting since who knows when for her to wake up

man i remember this scene and thinking mio nooo! like of course she doesn't KNOW aerial is literally family, at least not yet... and suletta doesn't fully understand yet either... but it's just ahhhh lmao again there are so many things that happened off-screen that i really wish we'd seen. like what the hell was mio's reaction to finding out that the actual girl who provided the genetic material to create suletta is stuck inside a gundam

suletta you're gonna get bonked by the horny police

gotta wonder how shaddiq was gonna dissolve the benerit group if he had taken the presidency. would it have been as easy as miorine made it out to be? just announce it to the world out of nowhere?

clearly he had no intentions of keeping any of these promises to peil lol

you tell him, bbgirl

hey maybe you should have adhered to that too, shithead

i like that suletta doesnt go all fidgety while rejecting guel and telling him about her feelings for miorine

remember the cours 2 trailer that emphasized suletta saying she'd win until mio's birthday lmao

lol this asshole left with miorine and never did any of this shit. with how much guel fanboys love talking him up as a "good guy" you'd think he'd at least have done this

*smiles in homura akemi*

really incredible stuff that so far we only see lauda and petra barely standing next to each other and suddenly that means they've been dating. however getting married after a whole series finishes means you're just mega friends to some people lol

i do appreciate the ptsd reactions to so many of the characters but now with everything over, it feels like it's lacking in depth lol they just get one random flinchy reaction just once or something and then an episode later they're fine lol

worst of all with guel is his ridiculous determination to make sure jeturk heavy machinery keeps doing it's thing --- that thing being making weapons of war lol

i wonder if bandai knows how much money they'd make if they released options sets for the darilbalde and michaelis upgrades in this cour

then again, its bandai

lmao i don't actually want this to have been shown in the show, but i really do have to imagine what that convo was like when el5n went to go find shaddiq and asked him to hide him

honestly kind of wish we'd had secelia being the one to MC the duels or whatever for the entirety of the show

lmao ok so i definitely remember thinking they were just gonna leave it as this being the only affirmation suletta says outloud, but....

... yeah.

i honestly really love how they cut to everyone's reactions as soon as suletta loses. secelia in particular looks really distressed lol

god, suletta's desperation here just as red birthmark starts playing is so awful lmao i love it

and then the gut-wrenching scream once she loses the holder pilot outfit colors

ahhhhh lmao this episode is definitely the most angsty of them all but god i love yuri angst

lmao fuck all the fairweather miorine fans who hated her the minute this episode finished. she was always my favorite of the two but this episode just solidified that

also i know opening/ending artists get like very vague story line summaries to help them write their songs but i am really convinced red birthmark was written to specifically play at the end of this episode. like sure it was a great decision to have the intro fade in at the end of every ep for this cour, but the FEELS when it starts playing here are like no other in the whole cour besides maybe episode 23

also only slightly related, but i am obsessed with my calibarn. i put it on my desk for work and i just catch myself going full on COOL ROBOT mode during the work day just staring at it lmao

ok will try to get to ep 18 eventually... i've been dragging out this rewatch because i keep getting caught up reading lately

[dianneking]

20 Author Questions

Tagged by the lovely @weemssapphic - thank you so very much for that!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 37

2. What's your total AO3 word count? - 175,030

3. What fandoms do you write for? - Gwendoline Christie, some other characters in the Wednesday fandom too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? - Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day, Shapes of Love, First Evening Back, Intoxicated, Entwined Destinies.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? - Yes. I try my best to get to every comment because I love love love the community that builds around shared interests. Also, time is such a rare commodity these days that if you take the time to let me know what you thought of my writings...we're already pals.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - Oh, that's easy, Loving You for sure. The whole premise is hurt no comfort so yeah. Read this at your own risk.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - Hmmmm I feel the one I went in most detail about the happy ending was Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day, it was extra fluffy and funny and I find myself smiling just thinking about it.

8. Do you get hate on fics? - As of now, not yet. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? - Yep, at times. As for what kind, depends on the story, but mostly at least somewhat kinky.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? - I love a well executed crossover soooo much. For now, I've only written New Teacher In Town, a Larissa Weems x Melissa Schemmenti (Abbott's Elementary) oneshot, but I do have others I'd like to try my hand at.

11. Have you ever had a fiction stolen? - Not that I've noticed. I only write on AO3 and Tumblr, so if you see my fics somewhere else, please tell me - it's probably stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? - Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? - Not yet published, but I might have something in the works... isn't that right @scream-queenlover?

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? - Errrrr difficult to say tbh. I like to change and to make different ships work. I like Gwen's characters paired with almost anyone ever. I like the challenge of making it work and surprising readers with them.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - I don't ever let go of WIPs. They are just biding their time. I have some requests in my inbox from January (if it's yours, I'm so very sorry) but also, the feeling of writing the right fic when you want to write it is something that is so good I just don't want to do an uninspired shoddy work of them. Their time to shine will come.

16. What are your writing strengths? - I am a very logical person, so I like to build my characters so that they make sense, so that their actions and reactions have some meaning and some depth. Also. I loooove to write gut-wrenching angst and I feel like it shows.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? - They change with time and with the fic in question. Right now, to sit my ass down on a chair and write is my greatest challenge. Also, I feel like most of my oneshots are a lot of the same, and that kinda bothers me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? - All for it if I can find a native speaker that betas me on that.

19. First fandom you wrote for? - Well, I wrote an angsty fanfiction of an Ideal Husband before knowing what fanfiction was, so I guess that was my first fandom.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? - Hmmm. Surprising Like Good Coffee on a Bad Day has a special place in my heart because it was my first one, but also I feel so proud of Unrelenting Love (Madeleine) not even quite sure why but I really love the way it came out.

If you see this and you are an author, that's it! You're automatically tagged! And please, do tag me in your post because I am so very curious!

[pie-of-flames]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @beatlessideblog.

How many works do you have on ao3? This is so embarrassing. 241 Most of them are short! Some are vids!

What's your total ao3 word count?

375,343

What fandoms do you write for?

Just The Beatles right now.

Before I fell into the Beatles, I hadn't written anything in years. In olden times, the main fandoms I wrote in were MCU, Hawaii Five-0, Merlin and Torchwood.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Your New Twin-Sized Bed (Steve/Danny, Hawaii Five-0)

No Questions Asked (Steve/Danny, Hawaii Five-0)

Let My Doubts Go (Gwaine/Merlin, Merlin)

Sir Gwaine Wins a Match But Loses His Heart (Gwaine/Merlin, Merlin)

Hitting the Sweet Spot (Maria Hill/Natasha Romanoff, MCU)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, unless it's way after I posted, then sometimes I forget. I really appreciate comments and truly want to thank them. Also it just seems polite.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I kind of love angst. I love characters that are damaged. Quite a few times, I've written short little AUs exploring a character's potential dark side.

Somebody That I Used to Know - (Arthur/Merlin) I knew I'd written a modern AU where Merlin was an addict. But this is even more gut-wrenching than I remembered. Merlin has lived through the ages and Arthur has come back. And becomes Merlin's dealer.

Contingency Plans (Ianto, Torchwood) Ianto doesn't give up after Cyberwoman. He keeps trying to create Lisa 2.0.

The Way Things Are (Hawaii Five-0) Steve and Danny had a horrible, violent break up in which Steve was permanently injured and is now in a wheelchair. This is a little picture of the fallout.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Masquerade maybe (Merlin).

Do you get hate on fics?

No.

Do you write smut?

Definitely. I have 61 fics rated M or E.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Love Me Do (Jack Harkness/John Lennon, Torchwood/Beatles), A Very Curious Ring (Sherlock BBC/The Hobbit)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. With my first fandom friend. Hubminster Manor, a Torchwood AU. Down and out lounge singer Jack Harkness comes into a surprise inheritance and soon needs a new butler. Enter Ianto. Sadly, never finished.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I have a fondness for all of my old OTPs but probably Steve/Bucky and Arthur/Merlin. I would still read fic for them.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

None. There aren't any I want to finish now. The time has passed. l have a Beatles WIP I've been working on sporadically all year that I feel like I have to finish.

What are your writing strengths?

This a hard question because I'm not very confident. It's hard for me to see any strengths. Maybe description and character.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Being too brief. Using same sentence structure repeatedly. Probably still too much telling instead of showing. I'm not sure.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I would not attempt that.

First fandom you wrote for?

Torchwood

Favorite fic you've written?

Ummm... that's hard. I recently re-read this one and liked it a lot better than I remembered. Masquerade Arthur/Merlin, 1930's Hollywood AU. Aquamarine Arthur/Merlin modern swim team AU. An Inconvenient Moment, Sherlock/Watson, Sherlock Holmes (Ritchieverse), Coda (Don/Betty, Mad Men)

I'm tagging @veidelon, if you want to do it.

[imfromthemiddlekingdom]

Okay I am going to completely re-write my maedhros/fingolfin fic. I realized the story would make more sense if it were a fem!maedhros au instead of a trans!maedhros au since I’ve made her craft fiber arts in that fic and it would make a perfect foil to Finwë/Míriel as Fingolfin was said to be most like his father in looks. I read a hc that fem!maedhros would’ve looked exactly like her grandmother but with red hair and I’m going to run with that concept. Imagine the angst that Finwë would feel seeing his first wife’s likeness marrying and having many children with his likeness. The angst that Feanor would feel seeing his eldest, the heir to the throne, marrying his half-brother, whom he was ambivalent towards (before melkor). The conflict he must feel towards supporting his only daughter in her marriage and his own conflicting feelings towards Indis’s children and how that might translate to his interactions with his grandchildren later on.

The og fic was real grimdark like warhammer 40k levels of grimdark and I don’t vibe with that anymore so I’m going to make a fix-it fic without all the kinslaying and betrayal but maybe keeping some elements of the start of the first age just so there’s angst in this fic. I don’t think I know how to write fluff fics anymore lmao. The last fluff fic I’ve written was 6 years ago and that still was angst with a happy ending. Maybe this re-write will turn into that too since I believe that without the first kinslaying the doom of the Noldor would not be proclaimed.

Thinking about how if Maitimo was born slightly before Nolofinwë and then went on to marry him and have kids, Feanor wouldn’t be so arson happy at Losgar. Maybe having grandchildren that shared blood with Indis may have made him less antagonistic towards them and made him more or less ignore them unless it was Nolofinwe who is the husband of his baby girl and must be glared at™️.

Thinking of maybe including some of my more “grimdark” plot lines into this new fic like maedhros still being held captive but it’s her son rescuing her instead of her cousin but make it more gut wrenching that her life was then traded for her youngest sons life or something. The og fic included the burning of the ships and Argons death when they set foot on Beleriland and she didn’t know that her baby died until she was recovered enough to ask for him only to find out that he died and breaking down from it like no torture from Angband ever managed to do. So many possibilities. I have so much time on my hands I’m going to write as much as possible just so I can read the fics I want to read lmao.

[justalonelyslytherin]

Sly's Rec List

Time to finally set this up! I've been reading and reading the last couple of days (even though my drafts don't get less) and always think to myself: 'Oh that writer is so good and I need to keep up with their work/blog' and then I still lose sight of them...

Also, interactions have never been less and I know a lot of us writers are struggling with the little interaction. It feels like no one ever sees the things we post. So this will be my space to just list blogs to who I want to follow up or just give a shoutout!

Blog's I love & recommend

@rogersideup - my fav Steve blog. Every story is amazing. They blow my mind every single time.

@spectre-posts + @wiypt-writes - these two write some of the best series there are for pretty much every ce character. Long, incredibly detailed, heart-warming, gut-wrenching, tear-and-squeal-inducing stories written with love and some of the most dedication I have seen. The dialogue is bomb!

@sweater-daddiesdumbdork - has written some of my absolute favorite Curtis Everett stuff. She knows him and there is no one that can portray Curtis better

@navybrat817 - tattoo boys, biker boys, any type of boys. So many fantastic bucky fics. Love Stud, Smartie & Alpine

@imaginedreamwrite - can write literally anything and make it absolutely fucking incredible. Brimming with ideas on end, one better than the other. Queen of daily prompts and drabbles!

@anika-ann - queen of angst and fluff

@hangmans-wingman - American Made and Little Wonder are to die for. Stories that hook you from second 1 and will keep you at the edge of your seat!

(more to follow)

Fics I love & can only, highly recommend

Marvel

Waiting For This - @musingsinmoonlight - oneshot, Steve Rogers, 18+, a/b/o

A sticky situation - @rogersideup - oneshot, Steve Rogers, bubblegum & hair = forced haircut, fluff

Sweet Indulgences - @sweetascanbee - oneshot, Steve Rogers, wedding dress + slight fake-dating + first kiss, fluff!

My Soul Can Not Sleep Without You - @neonovember - oneshot, Steve Rogers, Steve is the type of man to never let you get to bed angry

Six Years - @the-bau-quinjet - oneshot, Steve Rogers, amnesia trope, Y/N forgets her life with Steve, the best take on the amnesia trope I have read!

Press Four For Poppet - @frostironfudge - oneshot, Steve Rogers, 18+, steve dials a sex-hotline

Emergency contact - @rogersideup - oneshot, Steve Rogers, Steve gets sick, so frickin' cute!

Walking the wire - @pedrito-friskito - oneshot, Nomad!Steve Rogers, supersoldier/red-room!reader, 18+, so fucking good omg, the air of mystery, the exposition, the chemistry between them, the spice! READ IT, IT'S SO GOOD

Sonder - @rogersideup - oneshot, Steve Rogers, Steve and the nice shield doctor, takes him a while to ask her out. SO GOOD. ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE.

Coffee and Cinnamon | Maple Latte | Apples and Cherries - @sarahwroteathing - oneshot, Steve Rogers, bookshop/bakery au, friendly banter, Steve being a punky nemesis, just tooth-rotting fluff and amazing dialogue; best bookshop/bakery/coffeeshop au I have ever read!

Get This Girl Some Ice Cream! - @witchywithwhiskey - oneshot, Steve Rogers, hurt/comfort, Reader has a panic attack & Steve soothers her, incredibly sweet and comforting

The Things We Do For Love - @ronearoundblindly - Steve Rogers, wife!reader, Reader has a smelly & unpleasant accident in the lab, Steve 'The Drama Queen' Rogers (lovely dubbed 'Drug Dog') has to deal with it - utterly hilarious, some of the best sassy dialogue I've ever read, Steve being a dramatic cutie

Period Cramps - @espinosaurusrexex - oneshot, period cramps suck but Steve is there to make it better, comfort read

Right Where You Belong - @witchywithwhiskey - oneshot, college!au, baseball played!steve & studybuddy!reader, all the sweet and innocent college infatuation and date, so sweet and comforting to read

Perfect Moments - @eviesaurusrex - oneshot, Stucky x Reader, the cutest fic ever! Oh the comfort, oh the fluff. This sent me straight to cloud nine. This is the air I need to breathe, it's that cute and fluffy and perfection!

Other CE characters

After school comfort - @junipermuses - oneshot, Ari Levinson, comfort & fluff

The Five Step Plan - @theycallmebecca - oneshot, Frank Adler, au where Mary's mother dies later, very sweet and real feeling story

Where The Heart Is - @babyjakes - blurb, Jake Jensen, the cutest shit ever, sooo fluffy, Jake visits reader in hospital and is a adorable bean

Spa Date - @ghotifishreads - drabble/blurb, Ari Levinson, face masks, Ari being seductive and impatient, funny and cute

Top Gun Maverick

Just In Case - @katiesharms - oneshot, Hannix, angst w/ happy ending

Who did this to you? - @justfandomwritings - oneshot, Hangman, so good, see warnings

Do not disturb - @callsign-valley - oneshot, Hangman, 18+

Slow Burn - @ereardon - series, completed, Hangman, 18+ - amazing story! So well written, ending up pregnant with Hangman's baby after a ons, happy ending

Haunted by the Ghost of You - TheRebelHunter on ao3 - series, TG86, Hop 31 but instead of one jet going down, both jets go down, Goose survives but all four (Mav, Goose, Ice & Slider) get injured - I helped create the plot, as this started out as a au in the tgm discord. Angsty but amazing!

Where I'm From - @sometimes-i-write-good - oneshot, Hangman, first date, Jake is a sweetheart & gentleman, clearly knows what treating a girl is supposed to be like, loved the ending

Others

An Old Flame II - @b00kdiary - series, Aemond Targaryen, 18+, amazing dialogue!

[hedgethemaze]

You always bring great korrasami art on my dash!! So I was wondering what your favourite korrasami fics would be?

Aw, thanks^^ But I can't take that credit (never have, never will). It's not me who 'brings' the Korrasami art, it's the artists - whom I always tag first in my reblogs 😁

But see? this is why rebloging/sharing is so important, to spread others' talent and make it seen by more people that like it as well. And to credit the right source is equally important so - as much as I aprecciate the compliment (at least, I take it as such) - please, let the real creators know how much you like and appreciate their work.

That would make me really happy 😄

Okay anon, you asked for it! Long answer ahead because you just asked about my favs and I'm such a broken record about'em!

Also, I apologize in advance because this is going to look like fic recs and I don't know if you asked for that, specifically. But these ARE, indeed, some of my most favorite korrasami works (as for as fanfiction is concerned lol)

From the top of my head this are the ones I can't stop reading (a.k.a. I've read more than once)

It goes without saying, lanagotconed20's Road Trip series is at the top of that list. Specifically, I remember part 9 , 'All In, All Yours' being one I almost know by heart💘 but seriously, you can't go wrong with ANY of Lana's stories. They're all fantastic, and I actually did a ranking of her works to date (the complete ones, at least) a few months back, here

@hohfics Marriage or Bust has 2 complete works (same universe different paths) and damn, what masterpieces!🤩

I couldn't possibly decide between them because both are incredibly well written and convey so much emotion! Plus, there's moments on both stories that get your heart racing (either because of how intensely romantic or frightening they are) But from the two I have to give a shoutout to 'The Honeymooners' for being the very first Korrasami fic I ever read - a really high bar that I'm elated to know has been met by many great authors!

ireallyshouldnt_behere's 'Would you risk it ALL?' is a doctor au, with Korra being a cancer patient and it's fine if you're not into that but, just so you know, amongst the medical drama aspect of it there's many fun and heart warming moments and quite the satisfying ending - well, technically not an ending since is the first part of a series, but it's not complete, and the second part hadn't hooked me as much as this one. But the author has other korrasami works you may want to check out 😉

The Seeking Balance trilogy by @simplykorra is the best canon-divergence fic I've read! The way Korra's struggles and traumas are depicted through these stories (specially, the first two parts is MIND. BLOWING. and though I couldn't recommend one story more than the others (the journey is best experienced from start to finish), there's something so heart wrenching about the second part, 'Relapse' (as if the tittle didn't pull you in deeply enough) that just makes me point it out - if only to read Korra's parting letter to Asami at the end of that story. It squeezes my heart every time I read it and I can only imagine Asami's anger, sadness and fear as she reads it.

This is without a doubt my favorite 'what if' korrasami fic and I can't thank the author enough for the way it turned out! 😄👏

Last, but not least, my latest discovery/obsession is *drum rolls* @greatestchange Roll with the Punches series, it isn't complete (yet) but there's tons of top-notch content amongst the 10 works it has written by now. It is my latest reading and it easily skyrocketed to the top of my fav korrasami works, I'm still in shock!🤯

But this series comes with a *warning sign* as it is the most painful, intense, gut-punching stuff I've ever read. Some of these works, e.g the main tittled story, and the ones I'm about to be mentioned are basically "angst turned up to 11".

I gave a brief description of my experience reading that one here, if you want better understand what I think/feel about it (my opinion holds up to this day!) plus, you can check out my rwtp tag for some really good art and a few highlighted passages of certain chapters that got to me very deeply.

One tip though, I can't recommend enough that you read the main RWTP first before reading certain other works, namely 'Senna', 'Nebraska', 'The Offer', 'Family Reunion' and 'Shattered' (all in that order).

But in case you want to read some of the 'lighter' ones (and I use that word loosely because they're all intense in some way or another), some I really enjoyed reading, besides the unskippable ones are 'Say You'll Be There', 'The Assistant' and 'The Fire Place'(ch. 7 of Afterward, which is a collection of snippets). These latter works are one-shots but give you a good taste of the main story without being the main story.

I know, I know, that's a lot of reading but I really hope you get around to check at least some of these and maybe leave a comment on them. Let the authors know of your thoughts, they all deserve to know how much they're appreciated and a simple 'I love this story/your work' are never small words!

And I should've said this before, but since I don't know how old you are, please check the rating and tags of the stories since there's very mature stuff in there.

Road Trip, I think is the more PG of these literary creations, and by far the one with the most fluff out of these, but honestly - with over 30 works made - it has something to please all kinds of tastes. Though, is not excent of explicit content. But trust me, it's absolutely NOT in bad taste and very organic.

RWTP, I'd say is the extreme opposite with almost zero room for 'fluff' and, by FAR, the most mature series of them all (it deals with lots of heavy topics), but while most of the time you get pain instead of pleasure, the moments you spot the latter are that much, much sweeter, and in my experience they're more than worth it to reach!

And as far as AU's go, those two along with Marriage or Bust, are must-reads for any Korrasami shipper.

Thanks for writing, sorry it took me this long to answer😅 And I hope you enjoy your reading, anon! 👋

[n0tamused]

Hellooo hon can i request pls? Can u write for tobirama a one shot where he rejects his s/o but then he sees her with another guy in the village often and starts to realize about hia feelings but its late bc she is marrying this other guy? I need some angst hahahah. Its ok if you don't want to write it! Thank you 😘

A/N: Hello anon, thank you for the request! Here's some Tobirama angst. It made me sad to write this but here we are. The things we do for angst. Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: none. Just pure sadness.

Words: Around 1.475

' The Fire Which Didn't Burn '

-"No. I do not love you."

Those words echoed in your mind days after his initial rejection. Over and over again until it was all you could think about. It stung your heart each time you repeated the sentence. The never ending feeling that it was something you did wrong wrecked your mind, it made work harder and rest scarce for a while. You didn't understand. You were sure he felt at least some semblance of love for you, in the end you were the one he truly did let in his company. One he could rely on for anything that he may need. Or did you read the signs that wrong? At that point it wouldn't be a surprise if it was all for business sake, seeing as you both worked together on making the village prosper and bloom.

But that was almost an whole year ago. Even more. Since then you have moved on from the heart ache. Although a few select close friends knew of your pain, you never indulged them with your gloomy moods that came and went. It was a tendency you seemed to pick up from the younger Senju and the years you spent at his side. Not letting anyone really in. Only letting them scratch the surface of it, to know enough to leave you be.

It has been a whole year since the last time Tobirama had spent proper time with you, a whole year since you both sat down to unwind and discuss things amicably. At the confession of your feelings for him he was rather cold, cooly brushing you off and trying to get back into his work. He didn't feel like it was such a big deal then, he believed that it didn't matter as long as you both still remained a good bond. But he was proven wrong. You recoiled from his reach and even disappeared from his sight. His ears seldomly heard of you anymore. It was as if you disappeared from the village all together. Even if he saw traces of your work, your signatures and reports. It was all superficial.

At first this didn't bother Tobirama much, even if he was initially worried about your lack of communication with him. The man was simply so drowned in his work to take some kind of action, to do anything to smooth things over with you again. On certain days, when work was lesser, he would indulge himself in things he did with you once. Only then feeling the effects, the weight on his shoulders due to your absence. There was no more of your reasoning voice, no more laughter, no more endless teasing when the two of you were alone, no more long nights where the two of you shared your worries and even fears. There was none of it. Only distant memories.

As stubborn as he was, he would finally come to terms that he, in the very least, missed you greatly. That he should've done something sooner. Now he felt embarrassed to even try after so long had already passed.

Tobirama had recently started to seek out information about you. Head full of things, horrible things. Were you alright now? Have you moved on?

As it turns out, yes you were alright and yes...you have moved on. You were still working as a ninja, so how you managed to keep out of his sight so much and for so long surprised the silver haired Senju. And when word reached him that you were getting married soon. He was...he didn't know how to feel, actually. You had found another man to love and share your burdens and future with. He had spotted the pair of you once in the village, walking peacefully side by side. Hand and fingers entwined together. You pressing into his side once to give him a quick hug. Him smiling down at you, a genuine, earnest smile which you reflected back just the same. It made Tobirama ill. A deep, gut wrenching feeling over took him so much that he wanted to bolt. As unlikely as that was for him.

Perhaps this was karma. You were his most trusted friend. You understood him at best and at worst times, and you dealt with him when he was being difficult. You were with him at his side even when his brother got fed up with his arrogance. The amount of times you sat at the stairs on his porch, waiting for him to cool off were countless; even your company alone was salve enough. And not to even mention your beauty, you were the rare one that really caught Tobirama's eye, like no other woman has before. And yet, he pushed you away. Perhaps this was his punishment. The maker gave him a chance, a chance to be happy and content and have someone with him and he let it fall and shatter to the floor. Tobirama could only scowl, and he found himself in a sour mood ever since.

He wouldn't admit it but his heart was aching. Was this how you too felt?

-"Tobirama!"

You exclaimed. Shock written all over your features, the basket of fruit, fish and vegetables hooked onto your elbow. Neither of you knew what to say at first. Tobirama was just as shocked as you, regretting not using his sensory abilities to sense you and turn in another direction. Now that you two ran into each other his tongue felt dry.

Your breath stopped in your throat as you searched his eyes, his face for anything that could indicate some sort of reaction. Yet the only thing you found in his scarlet gaze was yearning, and then emptiness once he collected his racing thoughts.

"Y/N. It.. it has been a while."

He spoke, clearing his throat while his heart felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest. The clothes he wore suddenly felt suffocating and scolding. A tangible tension grew between the two of you.

"Yes. It has been...How have you been doing? I surely hope you are getting some proper rest, I heard there was quite a scuffle recently."

Trying to keep the conversation average failed. A frown became prominent on his lips as he only nodded, in a almost mechanical fashion, but didn't respond to the question. You caught his gaze flickering, only for a second, down to your ring finger. Where the silver ring was. A small gem held on the top of it. And you understood, in a way.

"Oh..."

A wind breezed past the two of you, but it didn't feel comforting. It felt chilling and hot and dry all at the same time, like raking hands that clung to the both of you. If you were paying just a little more attention to the Senju, you would've seen the sadness collect in his eyes. Even if his face remained cold and unreadable. His eyes gave it all away.

The conversation ended rather awkwardly with both of you wishing each other well and saying your goodbyes. So many things were left unsaid then. It wouldn't take Tobirama long after that quick encounter to really admit it to himself that he has grown feelings for you, that he was in love. Realizing a year too late. A year he wished he could get back so he could be with you instead of that man. A year that could make it all better, for the both of you. But no matter how many sleepless nights he had, no matter how much he wished and even prayed, he couldn't take your happiness away. He couldn't even dare do such a thing, couldn't dream of it.

Sometimes you would even worm your way in his dreams, his mind visualizing a future he knew he couldn't have. A happy one with you at his side, in a house different from the one he was in now, with enough space for the both of you and even another addition. No matter how much he dreaded those dreams, he let himself drown in the comforts of them even if for a moment. Letting himself experience what could have been. The phantom touches and plush kisses that soon turned to dust in his mouth when he woke. The image of you still dancing vividly in front of his sleep hazed eyes.

Other times he even found himself crying in those dreams, angry, bitter and regretful tears. Clinging onto you in his dreams, pleading to not wake up yet to make it all better. It pained him. That he couldn't have you anymore. You were now married to someone, and that someone wasn't him.

Tobirama saw how happy you were, genuinely. And he wasn't going to take it away just because of his own mistakes.

Now it was his turn to share the pain you went through. He accepted it all. It was now his responsibility. His mistakes.

[rkived]

year 22 (m) — jjk

‘‘I knew you’d be standing in my front porch light, and I knew you’d come back to me.’‘ 

Pairing: childhoodfriend!jk x f!reader 

Genre/Tags: angst!!!, drama, a lil fluff, f2l, e2l-ish, pining, slow burn, smut

Rating: M +18

WC: 11.5k

Warnings: time jumps, underage drinking, jk being a douchebag for most of the fic, reader can’t catch a mf break, mention of character death ((no major one tho)). smut in the form of oral (f. receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex ((wrap it b4 u tap it y’all)), my being called pretty kink making a brief appearance soz

A/N: i listened to cardigan for the first time n had it on replay the whole time i wrote this so ig u should do it too ! this is my first time posting smut on here but who would i be if i didn’t throw in some good angst ? also tysm to @periminkle​ for being my unofficial beta reader n checking it up for me, she knows i’m constantly looking for her validation n i def wouldn’t post this if she didn’t love it ilu vira thx for being the best ever mwah !!! 

You’re five, cowering behind his mother’s legs, sniffing as tears stream down your face. In front of you both stands Jungkook, there’s remorse written all over his face as his mother stares him down with hands on her hips and a look that just screams that this is only the beginning of his punishment. 

‘’Apologize to Y/N right now Jungkook, or I’ll have your father have a word with you,’’ she threatens with a stern tone, making her son quickly shake his head no. ‘‘You need to learn how to share your toys.’’ 

You peek behind her lanky leg and find the slightly older kid looking at you with narrowed eyes, ‘‘I’m sorry, Y/N.’’ He apologizes with a bow, but he’s obviously displeased with the whole ordeal. 

His mother sighs and Jungkook pouts at the look on her face. She urges you to come out from your not-so-secret hiding spot and to go back to playing with him, even though you seriously doubt that will do any good to what just happened. 

Jungkook’s bedroom door is kept open as he sits back down on his city patterned carpet, you twiddle with your thumbs and stare at the Spiderman poster on his wall. There’s an awkward silence between you two until you feel a toy bump your crisscrossed legs. 

It’s the shiny red car he had refused to lend you before, provoking an argument between you two which eventually made you run out of his room in tears as you ratted him out to his mom. 

‘‘Wooow,’’ you whisper in awe, taking the car in your hands with so much care, treating it like it’s one of your newest dolls. 

Jungkook huffs, crossing his arms as he looks at you with distaste and he’s forced to settle with other boring toys as you giggle to yourself, making the car follow the carpet’s tracks. He learns then to never trust his mother again. If she ever says she’ll bring a new friend for him to play with again, he’ll refuse wholeheartedly.

He doesn’t like sharing his toys, and it’ll probably take him a long time to learn how to.

You’re nine as you hand Jungkook one of the multiple Valentine’s Day cards you carefully crafted the night before with your mother, adding all kinds of pretty stickers and shiny glitter to make each one of them unique. His is different from the rest, though. 

You added hearts to the dots in the I’s, there’s a hint of your favorite body splash enveloping the pink construction paper and it fills Jungkook’s nostrils with so much force that he feels he could gag at the smell. 

‘‘What do you think?’’ You ask the fourth-grader with a big smile on your face, cheeks tinted with a light shade of red as you see him reading the little message you wrote inside the card.

Jungkook lets out a mocking chuckle, ‘‘Are you serious? You like me?’’ He asks you, but it doesn’t look like he’s looking for answers. Your smile slowly fades away, looking at him with glossy eyes, ‘‘I don’t like you, you’re just a dumb little girl.’’ 

His card was the one you had invested the most time in and yet it only took him a second to crumple it with his hand, and another five for him to toss it into the trash can near you before he goes back to his group of friends in the school’s playground.

You learn how to hold your tears in then, thinking it’s a great accomplishment and that maybe now he’ll stop calling you a crybaby.

His friends receive him with high-fives and he smiles with gratefulness because they just saw how much of a badass he can be. Once recess is over and everyone’s going back to their classrooms, Jungkook nears the garbage bin where he had thrown the Valentine's card in, but finds it’s now dirty with yogurt someone tossed inside. 

He grimaces at the sight and sighs, there’s no way he can save it now.

You’re twelve and you’re the only girl in the treehouse who hasn’t gone through puberty yet. It wasn’t something that bothered you until just recently, when it became pretty evident why none of the boys would even give you a onceover compared to the other girls.

“I don’t know if I want to play,” you mumble after Kim Jihyo suggests playing spin the bottle. You’re the only one who opposes the idea, though you could count Jungkook in given as he just sat there without saying a word.

Park Yerim rolls her eyes, “You’re so boring, Y/N!” The comment makes the rest giggle as you pout at being the designated party pooper. 

It’s all fun and games of truth and dares to whoever the bottle lands on and you’ve been lucky enough to avoid the tip of the plastic Coca-Cola bottle to point at you, until it lands on Jungkook who has done a few funny dares so far.

“Alright, Jungkook, let’s make things even more fun!” Jihyo announces since she’s been the one who has assigned most of the embarrassing challenges and questions, “I dare you to kiss one of the girls here for ten seconds.” 

The dare makes the boys cheer with excitement and the girls gasp with anticipation, hoping one of them is the lucky chosen one. Your lips part slightly as you stare at him sitting across from you, he’s clearly not comfortable with the dare, but knowing him, he won’t express his current discomfort. 

His eyes land on you as you stare back at him with concern, hoping that he’ll speak up to avoid himself the embarrassment. Has he even kissed someone before? If this is his first kiss, you’ll witness it alongside everyone else and you can only imagine how terrifying that must be. Even though Jungkook’s always been a brave kid, you can always tell when he feels under pressure.

“Uhm, I’ll uh—“ Jungkook keeps staring at you and you feel your heart start to beat like you just ran the usual ten laps around the gym in P.E class. Are you about to have your first kiss? With him? 

You nod your head absentmindedly, a sign to let him know it’s okay for him to pick you from all the other developed girls who probably have more experience kissing than you do, but it’s okay because you’ve always been a quick learner. 

“Yeji,” Jungkook says after what feels like forever, though it’s only been a mere few seconds, “I’ll kiss Yeji.” He adds, removing his eyes from yours and settling them on the girl with the high ponytail and pink colored nails. 

You bite your bottom lip hard, breaking the dry skin as you feel yourself taste blood. It doesn’t matter because no one’s paying attention to you and instead they’re focused on Jungkook’s neverending kiss with Yeji. 

When you get home that night, you look at yourself in the mirror and frown at your lack of everything. Is this the reason as to why he hadn’t picked you? 

You’re fourteen and Kim Taehyung just sent you a message through MSN in which he confesses to have feelings for you. Your eyes widen, rereading the message several times, rubbing at your eyes just to make sure you’re seeing things correctly. 

You run off across the street to Jungkook’s house, ringing the doorbell quickly for someone to open up. You’re greeted by him looking at you with an annoyed expression, he had to pause his GTA game to come and open the door. 

“What do you want?” Jungkook asks harshly, crossing his arms as he stares into somewhere that’s not your face. He’s anxiously waiting for you to spit out whatever it is you’re there to say. 

You calm yourself down by breathing in deep and out, blowing the air right at him, “Does Taehyung like me?” You ask him, making Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise and his brows to raise. 

His reaction tells you that you might’ve just discovered a secret you weren’t supposed to and it only makes your heart beat even faster because if it’s true, then this is a pleasant surprise. Kim Taehyung is one of the hottest boys in the tenth grade and he happens to be one of Jungkook’s closest friends. You think he must know something since you see them hanging out at lunch.

“Uh—I don’t know, Y/N.” Jungkook mumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck, finally looking at you and he feels a gut wrenching punch in his stomach at the sight. “Taehyung isn’t a really good guy, you shouldn’t—“ 

“What are you saying?” You interrupt him with a question, confused as to why Jungkook was painting a negative picture of his friend. “He was really sweet with what he said, he thinks my eyes are pretty when they sparkle — I didn’t even know they did that!” 

Jungkook grimaces and sighs, there’s really not much he can do here. You’ve always been so stubborn, so relentless. No matter how many times life tries to tell you something’s not meant for you, you challenge each and every one of it’s obstacles until you take what’s yours. 

“Okay, then what are you gonna do? Date him? You haven’t even had your first kiss yet.” Jungkook reminds you with a mocking tone and you furrow your brows together because, how does he know that? 

You stammer, “I-I have! I had it at camp last summer, actually!” That’s a lie, but he wasn’t there so he can’t prove the veracity of your statement. “And what do you care? So what if I want to date him?” You add with anger, not understanding why couldn’t he just support you in search of true love. 

The thought of dating Kim Taehyung had never crossed your mind, thinking he was way too out of your league for him to ever notice you. But that confession sitting in your MSN chat now served as a nice feeling of knowing you aren’t as invisible as you think you are. 

Jungkook scoffs, “Taehyung would never date you, okay? He’s older than you, he’s cool, he goes to parties and has kissed almost every girl in his grade, do you think he’d really like someone as boring as you?” He doesn’t mean to be so harsh, but you’re just so difficult and impossible to get through.

Jungkook’s used to the trembling bottom lip and the teary eyes that you give him everytime he says something that definitely strikes a nerve within you, but he’s always impressed on how you always refrain from crying in front of him. Last time you did that you were both kids and he probably took the last lollipop from your batch of collected halloween candy. 

“Screw you, Jungkook,” you say through gritted teeth, and if looks could kill, he’d be dead already. 

He looks at you quickly stomp your way back to your house, only heading back inside once you slam your front door shut. Jungkook enters his room to find two new messages in his MSN.

$$ kIm tAaEhyYyuNG $$: it worked! 

$$ kIm tAeEhyYyunGG $$: she fell for it xDxD where did u even come up with the sparkly eyes thing?? that’s gold bro rofl 

Jungkook sighs, ignoring the messages and shutting his computer down.

You’re sixteen and you’ve been invited to your first party. Granted, it was Jungkook’s, but he knew that if he didn’t ask you to come you’d probably tell on him with his mom. No matter what age he was, he’d always fear his mother’s scolding. 

“Drink this!” Park Jimin says with his beautiful smile and you’re starting to realize why they gave him that very same superlative on the school’s yearbook. You take the red solo cup without any second thought, placing the rim straight to your lips and choke once you feel the liquid burn your throat. 

“Ugh—What’s this?” You ask, cleaning the droplets of liquid around the corners of your mouth. 

He chuckles, “Fruit punch!” The liquid is indeed red like the familiar drink you’re used to, but there’s definitely something else mixed inside. “Oh, and vodka,” he adds with wiggly eyebrows as he shows off the small flask he was hiding in his sweatshirt’s front pocket.

You gasp and hand him the cup back, “No, I don’t drink alcohol, sorry.” Jimin rolls his eyes and it reminds you of the many times you’ve received this same reaction from your classmates before. Always a party pooper. He’s about to take the plastic red cup from you until you quickly drink the spiked punch in one go.

The boy howls in excitement, “Woo, go Y/N! Another one coming right up.” 

Jungkook knows he should be making sure everything’s alright downstairs. If his mother notices there’s at least one misplaced object, she’ll know right away something went down in her house while her husband and her were away for the weekend on an emergency trip to their hometown. Leaving him unsupervised only because they both believed their son was old enough to tend for himself.

But Jung Eunha had dragged him into his room with the excuse of wanting to see what it looked like, but the mini tour had turned into them kissing on his bed and Jungkook is thankful he changed his Spiderman sheets in exchange for some boring plain grey ones. Eunha smells like fresh mint and Jungkook is way into his head to focus on properly kissing her.

It’s not until his bedroom door is abruptly open, slamming against the wall that Jungkook literally jumps to his feet, making Eunha gasp as they both look at the person who has interrupted their awkward makeout session. 

“Guk-ah, what are you doin’?” You curiously wonder, a hiccup following right after which makes you giggle. Jungkook’s chest rises and falls with quickness as he notices you look different from the last time he saw you twenty minutes ago when you were talking to Jimin. “Guk-ah, were you—you kissin’ Eunha?” You ask once more after not receiving an answer to your previous question.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks in concern, coming closer to analyze your weird state. You stretch your arm out to avoid him from nearing you, making him falter in his place as he studies your expression. 

You hum, “Guk-ah, you busy. Sorry,” you apologize in a shy tone, ready to head back down and have more of that fruity alcohol punch you now found tasty, but you stumble and only avoid yourself from falling by holding onto Jungkook's door frame, he’s already reaching out by then. 

“Are you fucking serious, Y/N? Get out!” Eunha complains with irritation, getting up from the bed and ready to kick you out of his room, but his free arm stops her from getting near you. “Whu—?”

“Eunha, go back down. I’ll deal with her myself.” Jungkook says as calmly as he can, thinking three’s a crowd and dealing with you wasn’t an easy thing in of itself. She’s about to argue, but he interrupts her again, “Go down, now.” 

She rolls her eyes and bumps her shoulder against yours harshly once she steps out of his room, “Whatever, that kiss was shitty anyway.” 

He pretends he didn’t hear that and takes you in his arms instead, dragging you to lay on his bed as you cuddle into his favorite pillow and hug it close to your body. How much did you drink? Why did you even do it in the first place? Jungkook knows you’ve never tried alcohol before, which means he’ll be in big trouble if you show up back to your house like this. 

When you open your eyes hours later, your head hurts and it feels lightweight when you move it side to side. The room you’re in is familiar, that spiderman poster is still hung on the wall, but there are no more toys laying around the floor; they’ve probably been stored somewhere in his garage or sent off to a donation center under his mother’s demand.

The pillow that you’re hugging smells just like him and any other day you’d hold on to it tighter and inhale his scent like your life depended on it, but you abruptly sit on the bed as you’re reminded of how you got here. The action is not appreciated by your dizzy head, but you look around the room to notice how dark it is and there’s no more music playing downstairs. 

You quickly jump to the ground, only to hear a “Fuck, ouch!” from below, stepping on Jungkook’s leg unintentionally. It makes you gasp, looking down to notice the older friend laying on the cold floor, having gotten rid of that childhood carpet of his. His head’s laying on a makeshift pillow made out of a towel and he’s trying hard not to shiver. 

“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry!” You quickly apologize, stepping away from his figure as he soothes the shin of his leg you stepped on. “Jungkook, what happened?” 

He sighs, “Someone decided to drink like five cups of spiked punch knowing damn well it was their first time drinking alcohol, stepped into my room like a crazy person, and then crashed on my bed like they—What’s with the face?”

“Bathroom.”

Jungkook grimaces while he holds your hair back, you’re throwing away all the liquid you had taken with a few additional snacks you had munched on earlier, “Are you done?” He asks in a tired mumble and you shake your head no.

He feels guilty that you’re in this position. He didn’t even want to kiss Eunha, but she was one of the most popular girls in his grade and he knew that if he turned her down she would most likely put a bad word in with the rest of the girls and the guys would make fun of him for being such a wuss.

That would’ve been better, because after laying you down on his bed he had to go down and tell everyone that the party was over, putting an excuse that the neighbors had warned him and threatened to call the cops. They all cleared pretty quickly, but he knew he was going to be the butt of the jokes come Monday. He even had to call your parents to let them know you had gone home to a friend’s house for a sleepover, which he knew wasn’t totally believable, but it had somehow gotten them convinced that their daughter was alright because they trusted Jungkook to never hurt you ever. 

Once you feel like you’ve puked your stomach out, Jungkook hands you a pill accompanied with a glass of water and hands you clothes of his that might be more comfortable to sleep in. 

“Good night, Jungkook,” you whisper once you’re laying back on his bed, still hugging the pillow he preferred to sleep with. He makes a sacrifice to make it up to you. 

His back is going to hurt by the time the sun comes out in a few hours, but it’s okay if it means you’ll sleep comfortably after the events of tonight. “Good night, Y/N.” 

He’s unable to sleep, but finds entertainment in your hanging hand beside his bed. The skin on your palm looks soft and there’s this strange urge inside of him that makes him want to grab your hand in his, but he refrains. 

To calm the current chaos in his head, Jungkook finds peace in the light snores coming from his bed.

You’re just about to turn eighteen and your date to the prom is Jeong Jaehyun, who had only asked you out a day before the event because the girl he had initially wanted to take had been asked and he didn’t have a plan B. 

Jaehyun is okay, at least he managed to get you a corsage that matched the color of your dress. He even smiles in the pictures your parents take of you both as you awkwardly try to look comfortable with his arms around you even though by then you had only exchanged a few sentences. 

The prom’s theme is Summer Nights and you think it’s fitting considering this is the very last event before the graduation ceremony, meaning that you’d most likely never see most of these people ever again. You had purposely applied to a college that was outside of your hometown for that same reason. You’re ready to live the life you’ve always wanted to live, without anyone judging or knowing you. 

Your date spends most of the night talking with his group of friends as you’re left alone on your table, looking at your well manicured nails. You knew you weren’t going to get the same prom experience the high school kids on T.V enjoyed, but you at least hoped it would’ve been a little more fun than this.

A tap on your shoulder makes you turn around to see Jungkook trying to loosen the tight tie around his neck. He looks incredibly handsome and you suppose his mother helped him pick the suit out, Jungkook rarely ever wore fitted clothing, so this is one of those once in a lifetime moments..

“Hey you,” you say and he gives you half a smile, wondering why you’re sitting by yourself at an empty table when everyone else was either mingling or dancing. “Where’s your date?” You ask with curiosity, you’re surprised that Jinsoul isn’t trailing alongside him given how she had behaved for the past week ever since he asked her to come with him. 

“Retouching her face or something,” he answers casually, “what are you doing sitting here? Where’s Jaehyun?” Jungkook asks.

You shrug your shoulders, “Don’t know, probably talking with the guys of the basketball team. He’s been gone for a while.” Not like you care, anyway. If your conversation with him inside his car on the way to the venue had been any indication of what it would’ve been like for the rest of the night, you’re glad he's not here trying to make any more small talk with you.

Jungkook huffs, thinking he’ll kick his ass if he sees him. He had asked him to invite you so you wouldn’t come alone, and yet here you are, sitting all by yourself while the douchebag’s making a social life somewhere in the crowd. He calms down once he notices how unbothered you are by it, though. You’re a big girl now, you’ve been through too much to be affected by something as simple as this.

“Is there something you wan—“

“Dance!” You interrupt with excitement and Jungkook chuckles.

“I was gonna ask if you wanted something to drink, but—alright, let’s dance.” Jungkook can’t dance for shit, but you took lessons when you were younger and he can still remember how you’d always show him the routines you learned in class. He’d always boo you, but in reality you were pretty good. He wonders why you stopped, he doesn’t recall you ever telling him.

It’s just his luck that once you both step into the dancefloor, the hired DJ stops the up-tempo song playing before and switches to a much slower romantic one, “Alright everyone, I want all the couples on the dancefloor for this one.” 

You step away from him with nervousness, it’s couples only after all. But Jungkook holds onto your lower back firmly, pulling you closer into his space. Your eyebrows raise as your lips part, “Uh, s-should we, uh—?” 

“It’s just a song, Y/N. You wanted to dance, then we’ll dance.” He tells you with such confidence it makes you feel like this is totally normal and something all friends do. All the known High School couples are dancing together, heads tenderly placed over chests and chins resting lovingly above them. You wait for Jungkook to take the lead because you have no clue of what you should be doing, you might’ve taken dance lessons years ago but you’ve never slowed danced in your life. 

Jungkook places his hand on your hip, the touch makes goosebumps crawl in your arms. He pretends he doesn’t notice it as he takes your right hand in his. You stare at the way he delicately holds it like it’s his mother’s fine china. “Place your other hand on my shoulder,” he instructs and you do as asked, your palm coming to rest on the strong muscle. 

He’s only slowed danced once before at a family member’s wedding where his mother taught him how to, with her as the teacher. Back then he thought it was incredibly ridiculous, but now he’s sort of glad that happened because he’s the teacher now and you’re now looking at him with your big eyes as you sway alongside him. 

You clear your throat, “This isn’t that hard.” Jungkook nods as he stares down at you, noticing how uneasy you are given that you’re looking at everything and not entirely immersed in the moment.

“You look beautiful tonight.” He says out of nowhere, making you look at him like a deer stuck in headlights, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He had never called you that before. 

An awkward laugh escapes your lips, looking away from his intense gaze as you try not to take his words too literally, “Ha ha, that was a good one.” To you there’s no other explanation than this being one of his mean pranks on you.

But Jungkook doesn’t falter both his words and gaze, “I’m not laughing.” There’s seriousness in his voice and you have to look back at him again just to make sure he really isn’t, “You look beautiful, just take the compliment.” You nod and there’s silence between you two after that. You’re digesting the romantic lyrics that the singer is talking about and hope that the song ends soon, because you’ve never been this close to him and it’s starting to feel too crowded.

You clear your throat, “So…” 

“So…,” he repeats. 

“What are you doing for summer?” You ask him in an attempt to break the tension and wanting to take advantage of the little intimate moment since Jungkook rarely ever lets you pry into his private life. 

“I think I’ll train before heading off,” he answers. It was more than obvious he was going to earn that sports scholarship he had been aiming for, he was one of the best athletes on the school; though you considered him to be the number one between them all. “I’m kinda scared, not gonna lie.” 

You look at him with surprise, tilting your head to the side, “You’re scared?” You ask in disbelief because as long as you’ve known him, he’s never been scared of anything. This is the same kid who instilled your fear of monsters in a closet after watching Monster’s Inc. together, also the same kid who helped you get over it after he realized you had actually taken it seriously.

He chuckles lightly, “Yeah, I’m just scared about starting over.” It’s interesting how his biggest fear is the one you’re looking forward to the most, but you suppose it’s fitting for someone who has never had to worry about what people think of him. In this town, Jungkook has swam freely without any concerns. Out there, he’s just another fish in the big and scary ocean. “Aren’t you?” He questions, hoping that you’re able to relate to what he’s feeling. 

“Honestly, I—“ 

You’re interrupted by Jaehyun clearing his voice in front of you two, making you both turn your heads towards his direction. You quickly separate from Jungkook and he feels his body lose the warmness you were providing. 

“If you wanted to dance, you could’ve just asked. I’m your date after all.” He says smugly and you chuckle awkwardly, nodding because he’s right. 

Jungkook wants to punch his stupid face, how dare he interrupt you both when he had been ignoring you the whole night? Why does he suddenly want to dance with you when he’s probably still upset at him for asking Jinsoul to the prom before he could?

“Your date’s looking for you, buddy. She doesn’t look too happy.” Jaehyun adds with a smirk as he takes your hand in his and drags you away from Jungkook towards another place on the dancefloor. 

He’s left to stare at the way he holds your hand, and he only hopes he’s doing it ever so carefully. 

You’re twenty when Jungkook sees you for the first time since you both left for college two and half a years ago. He’s rendered speechless when he spots you in the crowd, there’s a manly hand around your waist as you giggle into the stranger’s mouth before placing a kiss to his lips. 

There’s only so much social media can provide him, pictures and stories aren’t enough for Jungkook to keep up with you. He thinks you’ve changed, not only appearance wise but you seem way more outgoing, carefree, and happy. Did he miss the boyfriend announcement picture? He’s sure he didn’t, he checks your profile almost every day and he’s never even seen him in any of your stories. 

A gasp escapes your lips once you spot him, completely forgetting about the possibility of bumping into him given that both your schools were playing against each other that night. You tell Namjoon you’ll be right back and he nods, going back to a conversation with the group of college friends you had made. 

You surprise him by jumping into him, arms around his shoulders as you hug him from behind. You let out a shrill of excitement and he blushes as his friends chuckle at the unexpected approach from this unfamiliar girl. 

‘‘Jungkook! You didn’t tell me you’d be here,’’ you say once he turns around to face you and he’s able to see you better upfront. You look beautiful and he thinks the Instagram pictures are not doing you enough justice. You’re glowing, and it has nothing to do with the highlighter you applied on your face and collarbone area. 

The both of you aren’t able to properly talk until you suggest moving to a different area, Jungkook apologizing to his friends as he explained he needed to catch up with an old friend. They don’t complain and instead shoot him teasing looks and small pervy comments that go by unnoticed to you. 

Jungkook listens with intent to your ramble about what you’ve been up to. From your courses, to your roommates, the parties you’ve attended, and even the fact that you handle your alcohol better now. He’s happy that you seem so too, but it irks him that you hadn’t been capable of telling him that you had a boyfriend now. Is there a reason as to why you omitted that important piece of information? 

‘‘And what about you? How’s college?’’ You ask with curiosity. 

He blinks a few times, realizing you had stopped talking about yourself and was now wondering about him instead. ‘‘It’s fine,’’ he answers with a tight lipped smile, the lack of detail compared to you was astonishing, but even though you were still hungry for more you decided not to pry any further. 

There’s fear in revealing that he’s been having a hard time catching up with the rest of his peers. College was indeed fine, but it could be better. He’s settled with the idea that this is as good at it’ll get, some things just aren’t like you expect them to be. At least you’re happy, and that fact brings him comfort. 

‘‘Was that your, uhm─boyfriend?’’ He finally asks after a while, both about to head back to your respective group of friends. 

The question takes you by surprise, looking at him with raised eyebrows and mouth agape. ‘‘Who? Namjoon?’’ He nods, though he doesn’t know anything about the guy he had first seen you with. You let out a wholehearted laugh, ‘‘Hell no, too many commitment issues with that one,’’ you answer and Jungkook’s forehead creases with confusion. 

Why were you kissing him then? 

‘‘We’re friends with benefits,’’ you inform him as if you had read his mind. ‘‘He’s a nice guy, though. Also, super smart, he’s helped me with a few of my─’’ 

‘‘You’re not a virgin anymore?’’ He abruptly asks, disbelief in his tone as he internally screams to himself for thinking out loud. Jungkook expects you to berate him about such an imprudent question, but is surprised when he sees you giggling. 

‘‘Duh, silly. I think I lost it freshman year?’’ The carelessness in your voice makes him look at you like you’ve gone crazy. Why are you so lax about this? Why are you telling him about losing your virginity without a care in the world? ‘‘Anyway, are you going to be home for the─’’

Jungkook interrupts you once again, ‘‘Was it with your boyfriend at the time?’’ He asks in genuine curiosity and you sigh, rolling your eyes slightly at him. 

‘‘No, it was some random dude at this party I went to. Could you please─’’

‘‘Y/N, are you insane? Why would you give up your virginity to some fucking stranger like it’s nothing?’’ Jungkook’s voice raises as he scolds you about being so negligent about yourself, ‘‘You can’t do shit like that!’’ He fumed, making you let out a breathless chuckle. 

‘‘Could you stop treating me like a fucking child for once in your life? I’m perfectly fine, Jungkook. I’ve been doing pretty well for myself without you here, actually. I don’t know why you think you have a say on what I do, is it the entitlement you have of me that you still carry around because we grew up together? Because if that’s it then you can drop it, I let go of my little girl who wanted a friend and was treated like pure shit in return complex a long time ago.’’ 

He knows you’re right, but he thinks he’ll always have this odd sense of protection over the five year old girl who cried to his mom about not lending her his favorite toy. He’ll always want to apologize to the eight year old girl who declared her love for him with a Valentine’s Day card while he ended up breaking her heart in exchange. He’ll always wish to look for help within the twelve year old girl who witnessed him give out his first kiss to another girl who he didn’t even like. He’ll always feel guilty towards the sixteen year old girl who had gotten tipsy on a spiked fruit punch and crashed on his bed. He’ll always hate himself for not asking the seventeen going on eighteen year old girl to prom when he knew he could’ve, but chose not to in fear of ruining your friendship. 

You only wanted someone to be there for you growing up and Jungkook had never been the brave boy you thought he was, always running from his fears in hopes he’d have a wide advantage margin from them. Yet here they are, standing right in front of him in the form of a twenty year old you, and they’re there to let him know that you’ve never needed him, yet he’s always needed you.

He can’t even apologize, he only looks at you with wide eyes as he fidgets in his place. Either you’re both too old now to understand each other or you just realized that you’ve outgrown Jungkook. 

Your mouth set in a hard line as you crossed your arms, the night’s breeze feeling colder than usual. ‘‘I miss you Jungkook, but I can’t keep playing this cat and mouse game with you any longer.’’ 

You leave him behind to go back to Namjoon’s arms, seeking refuge in his sweet embrace as you try your hardest to put on practice what you learned all those years ago when Jungkook broke your heart for the first time, you should be used to it by now.

You’re twenty-one when you’re back in your hometown to attend the funeral of the old lady down the street, the one that always scolded you and Jungkook growing up. 

You had been scared of her as a child, but always following along your friend’s footsteps when he proposed playing around her garden. It tugs at your heartstrings even if you hadn’t known the woman well. Her death was imminent seeing as she’d been ill for quite some time. 

A taller figure stands next to you as you both stand way in the back of the ceremony. He looks tired and you figure that it’s because of the fact he arrived late into the night, you heard his car’s engine from your bedroom window. Dressing in all black, you notice he bought a new suit. You’re sure that the one he wore for prom no longer fits considering he’s bigger now. 

You haven’t talked to each other since last year when you both left off on a sour note. The hurt you felt was no longer present, though. You chewed on your bottom lip as you thought of a way you could talk to him again without making things awkward, but you let out a small gasp once he placed his arm around your shoulders, giving it a small squeeze as he sighed and kept his focus on the service. 

Watching the casket be lowered into the ground felt weird. She was a human being just like you, but her existence was a reminder of your childhood. Would it be okay to say that her death meant a part of you leaving with her too? 

Once it hits you, it’s Jungkook who consoles you by hugging you tight. Your eyes are too blurry with tears for you to realize this is one of those rare moments where he’s holding you close without hesitation. He lets you ruin his tuxedo’s jacket with your mascara covered tears as he brushes your hair as a sign of comfort. 

You know things are back in order when he proposes the idea to go back to the old lady’s porch, for old times sake. ‘‘Will we ever let her rest?’’ You ask him with a small laugh as Jungkook sits on the doorsteps of the old lady’s empty home, opening the bag of candy worms he bought at the grocery store. 

He shrugs, ‘‘She loved us, always told my mom how much she missed us running around the street.’’ The revelation makes you smile, hoping it was true. He pats the empty space next to him, indicating for you to fill it up with your presence. Once you do, you feel the familiar warmth of his proximity. 

Jungkook seems different and you only hope he’s changed for the best. 

‘‘When are you going back?’’ You ask him with curiosity, hoping that he’ll be in town for a few more days so you can catch up with him on a better note this time around. 

He munches on one of the snacks, ‘‘Tomorrow morning, I have training camp and can’t miss it.’’ His answer makes you sigh with disappointment, but you nod nonetheless. ‘‘What about you?’’ He asks in return, and you inform him that you’ll stay for a few more days to spend time with your family. There’s silence after that and Jungkook can only offer you the gummy worms in the bag, you take one with a small thanks.  

‘‘College fucking sucks,’’ he says out of nowhere and it makes you look at him in bewilderement, ‘‘I hate it there, I wanna drop out so bad. But I’m a year away from graduating so it’s too late now.’’ You see his shoulders visibly relax, like a weight had been lifted off them. ‘‘Plus my mom would kill me if I do so,’’ he adds with a chuckle. 

Last time you asked everything was fine. Had things changed or had they always been this way and he was just now being honest with you?

You rest your head on his shoulder and focus all of your undivided attention on him as he keeps rambling about what his life has been ever since he left this town. He’s had bad games, bad grades, and bad girls. But he’s also had incredible games, good grades, and a couple great hookups, and yet he still feels empty, it’s not enough. 

‘‘I miss you,’’ he mumbles as he faces you, ‘‘I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend, you deserved better.’’ His apology is genuine and you can feel it in the way his voice trembles, sincerity has always scared him after all. 

Jungkook’s never known when the time is right, and he misjudges the look on your face. When he leans down to press his lips against yours, he’s blinded for a mere moment into believing that you wanted to kiss him just as much as he had been waiting. 

You abruptly separate from him with wide eyes and parted lips, ‘‘Jungkook, I’m─I’m dating Namjoon now.’’ He can physically feel his heart shatter, the revelation coming out like an old newspaper headline he should’ve read a long time ago. 

He lets out a breathless chuckle, ‘‘He got over the commitment issues?’’ The rhetorical question is bitter. 

You scoff, ‘‘And what about it? I preferred to wait than to rush into getting my heart broken.’’ Plus it’s not like you were expecting Namjoon to grow feelings for you, the whole no strings attached arrangement was named that way for a reason. 

Jungkook looks at you with narrowed eyes and he shakes his head sightly. Old habits never die down, still so stubborn and challenging as ever. 

He’s startled as you stand abruptly, fuming as you look at him, ‘‘I don’t even know why you care! Did you forget that you threw my Valentine’s Day card into the trash? Or that you kissed Yeji in front of my face? Or that you let Taehyung date me as prank between your friends? Or that you were making out with Eunha while Jimin kept giving me alcohol? Or that you asked Jaehyun to take me to the stupid prom even though I was perfectly fine going without him or anyone for that matter?’’

‘‘We were just kids!’’ Jungkook argues back at you.

‘‘It still fucking hurt,’’ you counter, ‘‘still hurts, actually. You think that by giving me a measly apology and kissing it better I’ll suddenly forget about all of it?’’ Jungkook knows it won’t ever make up for all those years, but he had at least hoped you’d be willing to give him a chance. 

He wishes he could say something else. Explain that he had just tried to protect you in his own shitty way from everyone else or himself maybe, he doesn’t know anymore. He wants to speak up again, but there’s disappointment written all over your face, you’re not angry at him...just saddened. 

‘‘Hope you have fun at your training camp.’’

Jungkook watches as you leave him sitting by himself on the old lady’s doorstep. A hand runs through his hair as he feels his eyes water, and he can almost hear a whisper in the wind that asks him why he didn’t stop you when he could’ve. 

Jungkook didn’t think that his family coming together with yours for Christmas dinner would’ve been a great idea. You’re cold to him at first and it’s fitting for the winter weather, but as always it only takes for him to sit next to you for things to warm up again. 

It’s with the excuse that you’ll run over to your house to grab a new bottle of wine from the kitchen counter that Jungkook trails behind you, both slightly tipsy on the different alcohols your families had offered each other. 

Years have passed since he last stepped foot inside your home, you used to visit him more often than he did anyway. It still smells and looks the same; the only difference is that there’s new pictures of you hung up on the walls, updated accordingly to the changes you’ve made ever since you left off for college.

You’re sporting a big smile in all of them, which in exchange makes him copy the action as well. His lack of presence in your life has done you better than compared to when he was around, and if that’s the case, then at least he did something right. 

There hasn’t been much said since the beginning of the night, just a simple hey out of courtesy. There’s so much he wants to say, but with no clue where to begin. Another apology is due, though he thinks it’s a little too late for that. He also wants to ask about what you’ve been up to since he last saw you, are you still dating the Namjoon guy you had told him about after he kissed you? If he’s still there, Jungkook rather keep quiet and not wonder out loud to you, he’s sure that it’ll hurt if it’s true. 

Growing up Jungkook always mistook your bravery with stubbornness and your courage with relentlessness. You’ve always been challenging, but only because you wanted him to do so too. It’s moments like this that prove him that you’ve always been the stronger between the two.

‘‘So, we’re just gonna pretend like nothing’s wrong between us?’’ You ask, speaking directly to him for the first time that night. It makes him look at you like a deer stuck in headlights, surprised by the sudden question and out of all the years of knowing each other, he feels small under your gaze for once. ‘‘How much time is it going to pass until you want to finally talk things like adults?’’ 

Jungkook gulps the lump in his throat, his brain quickly thinking of the right thing to say, ‘‘I just wanted to protect you from─’’

‘‘From what? From you? Everytime you’ve done that I end up getting hurt in the end. I’m left to pick the pieces up by myself,’’ you interject with anger in your voice. ‘‘It fucking pisses me off that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you kissing me, I haven’t stopped thinking about you and─’’ A sigh, you close your eyes to center yourself again as Jungkook waits for the final blow, ‘‘and you look like none of this has ever bothered you in the slightest because, you don’t really care about me do you?’’

‘‘I do care about you.’’ He’s sure about it, even though he’s been extremely bad at showing it. 

Even though your eyes are threatening to spill tears, you still muster up the last bit of what’s left of your courage to step closer to him until you’re a few inches away. ‘‘Prove it, then. Show me that you care.’’ 

His brain is sent into quick overdrive due to your close proximity. There’s a slight hesitation because he only hopes that what he’s about to do is what you’re demanding him to prove. He doesn’t care if you’re still dating the Namjoon guy because he’s settled with the idea that it’s okay if you don’t correspond, it’s not like he did the same to you when you were both younger. 

Once his lips press against yours, there’s no turning back. He’s waiting for you to push him back and let him know that your heart’s still taken, but you kiss him with such fervor that he knows in that moment that you’re right, it’s better to wait than to rush right in. 

It’s no fairytale kiss, though. There’s desperation in the way you chase his lips, as if you were to slow down he’d find a way to escape from you. You grip the cotton material of his crewneck into your small fists, holding on to the fabric like your life depended on it. The small kiss you had both shared last year was nothing compared to this, and Jungkook’s taken aback by your neediness. 

He doesn’t know how you manage to drag him to your childhood bedroom without missing a beat, only separating once you both realize you need to catch your breaths, and even then Jungkook can’t have a minute to take just happened in because your lips attach to his neck to get more of a taste. His fingers curled around your arm, sighing at the way your kisses felt like electricity on his skin. 

‘‘Y/N,’’ he calls your name out in a breathy tone, but you’re too immersed in your little bubble to even realize it. 

Jungkook groans when you bite into the skin of his neck, then blowing over the red mark as you kissed it better. It’s going to be bruise and he doesn’t like when that happens, but he’s not bothered at all if it comes from you. He forcibly grabs your chin so you can face him, looking at him with big eyes, a small pout, and with your chin messed with drool. 

It’s then that Jungkook kisses you hungrily, making you feel like you’re in a dream-like state,  though you could partially blame the Christmas eggnog for that. The way he bites at your lips and how your tongues clash together is an extreme juxtaposition as to how you could describe this moment. It’s as if you’re floating on air, clouds surrounding you in a heavenly embrace, angels singing in the background every time his hands touch, grab, hold and caress every part of your body. And yet, even with such a difference, it’s perfect because it’s Jungkook. You’ve been waiting for this too long, which is why your hands creep beneath his crewneck, touching his tonified abdomen tentatively and enjoying the way goosebumps arise on his skin at the sensation of your fingers trailing patterns wherever they caress.  

It’s only fair that he pays attention to yours as well. Jungkook’s lips trail from your mouth onto your jawline, planting wet kisses on each space until he begins sucking on the skin of your neck, making you moan in the process. He chooses then that his new favorite sound is the way you voice out the pleasure he gives you. ‘‘Hurry up,’’ you say, ridding the bottom of the crewneck higher over his stomach, making him shiver at the sudden change of temperature. 

Jungkook chuckles before completely getting rid of the material, ‘‘Calm down,’’ he sighs as he gives you a sweet smile, ‘‘You know our moms could talk forever.’’ 

You ogle his chest, admiring the way his training camps have obviously done wonders to his body. ‘‘It’s not them I’m talking about,’’ you correct him with a teasing smile that only makes his grin grow wider, chuckling at your impatience. Jungkook lets out a small gasp of surprise when your hands grasp at his shoulder blades, turning him around so you can back him until the back of his knees hit the edge of your bed. It’s funny how he lets himself be bossed around by someone who’s way smaller compared to his frame.

Jungkook finds leverage on his elbows splayed against the mattress, your knees resting on each side of his hips as you leaned into him and kissing him just as widely as you had done before. Jungkook could fill just how quick things were escalating, especially the way his crotch area was beginning to become a problem he couldn’t possibly control at the moment, not with your own being directly on top of it. In any other situation he would’ve apologized with an awkward laugh, but his breath hitches once your hips start grinding over him.  

His hands make their way on the inside of your knitted sweater, provoking goosebumps on the exposed skin. You let out a shaky laugh, halting your movements so you can quickly get rid of the fabric as Jungkook’s eyebrows lift in surprise at your haste and then at the sight of your bra covered breasts. His hands are still steadily placed on each side of your waist, only brought up because your own had redirected them over your breasts, hoping he gets the message on what you want him to do now.   

Jungkook hesitantly squeezed one of the round globes, provoking a small moan to come from out of your lips. He wishes to hold you as close as he possibly can because the idea of ever being away from you again has been his main fear as of lately. But he refrains, you look so delicate and he feels like you could easily break. He stares at your body lovingly and your cheeks heat up at the way his eyes ogle your chest like a kid in a candy story. You give his arm a light slap and he chuckles, leaning over you to place a passionate kiss on your lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he says frankly. It doesn’t help to dissipate the flush on your face, but the compliment doesn’t bother you in the slightest. Jungkook leans in to trail kisses past your collarbones and into the swell of your breasts, making you bite your lip with anticipation. He looks at you asking for permission and you nod quickly with parted lips as you start to become impatient for him to make his next move. Jungkook lowers the cups of your breasts, freeing your hardened nipples and immediately envelopes one of them with his lips. “Mph—!” A sigh escapes your lips as you try to memorize the way his tongue traces over your tit. He pays attention to your other one, fingers rolling over the bud and pinching ever so often. 

You can feel your panties damp by then, trespassing into the fabric of the black leggings you’re wearing over them. Reaching behind your back, you fumble in unclasping the hooks of the now uncomfortable bra. Jungkook’s forced to stop the undivided attention he had places on your breasts to look at you like he’s lost, why are you going so fast? 

Once your hands delve with the buckle of his belt, he has to hold on to your wrists with a firm grasp, ‘‘What are you doing?’’ He asks with quick breath, you blink stoically towards him. 

‘‘Uh─getting you naked?’’ You answer with a nonchalant tone, but his hands don’t let go and your demeanor changes, ‘‘D-Did you not want this?’’ Your voice turns smaller, embarrassed that maybe you had pressured him into something he didn’t want to participate in. 

Jungkook quickly shakes his head no, ‘‘No, I-I do want this! It’s just─you’re going so fast,’’ he tries to explain, ‘‘I’ve been waiting for this for too long, I don’t wanna rush.’’ Your eyes lit up at the revelation as he waits for you to answer back, only for his back to hit the comforter with a small thud, giggling at the way you urgently kiss him again, but this time with much more care. 

‘‘Why didn’t you say so before, stupid?’’ You mumble with a sheepish look, ‘‘I thought it was just going to be─nevermind, I need you right now.’’ You have to force yourself from spitting out any details that could possibly ruin the moment between you two, deciding to wait instead for any emotional confessions you want to make. 

He switches positions between the two, panting as he brings you down to the mattress and Jungkook can feel the goosebumps on your skin, whether from the coldness of the room or because of the sheer electricity of his hands caressing your body like it was molded just right for him. He dips his hand lower, cupping your clothed heat on his hand. It makes you tremble and you whine, encouraging him to keep going. 

“Baby, you’re really wet,” he comments with a teasing tone and you pout at him. His fingers hook into the waistband of your leggings and he pulls them down as he travels with them, greeted by the sight of the damp cloth of your panties. He exhales with content, caressing your thighs in an up and down motion. You twist underneath him and he has to hold your hips down to calm you down, “Patience is a virtue.” 

“I’ve been too patient, do some—Ah!” Your whining is interrupted once Jungkook moves your underwear to the side holding it with his free hand, fingers coming to trace the slick covering your pussy lips. He becomes entranced with the transparent gooey liquid, bringing them close to his face as he separates his fingers and sees a strand connecting between them. “Guk-ah, p-please…” Your needy voice brings him back to reality, delving his fingers back into your exposed heat but this time with intent. 

Jungkook’s thumb lifts the hood covering your clit, mouth coming down to give it a small tentative kiss. That action alone has you writhing above him, it makes him chuckle to himself as he dives back in. The moans you let out are loud and clear inside your bedroom, thankful that it’s only you and him inside your house. Your hand pulls at his hair, making him groan against you and the vibrations are felt throughout your body, only adding to the euphoric pleasure you already possess. His fingers trace the inside of your thighs until they reach your entrance, circling the fluttering hole which makes you pull at his hair harder and with your other you hold on to the bedsheets of the comforter tightly into your fist. 

Jungkook’s tongue is still working your engorged bud, but he focuses his eyes on you as he dips the first finger inside you. “Oh—fuck,” you let out in a breathy moan. He tries to maintain a rhythm between his two ministrations, but it’s hard when he wants to focus on all of them at once. “‘Nother, please,” you begged once he let your clit rest, quickly following your request by adding another into your warm heat. He lets out a breathless chuckle as he notices how easy it is to thrust both fingers inside of you, your whole crotch area is covered in slick and his wet chin is a dead giveaway to where he was seconds ago. 

He watches you unravel over him with such adoration, not even his wettest dreams or dirtiest fantasies could prepare him for this. Seven minutes in heaven he plans to stay in forever. “Guk-ah, I wan’ you. I-Inside, please.” You plead with teary eyes, and he slowly stops, removing his arousal covered fingers from inside you as he makes you sigh in the process. He kisses you again and again, your hazy brain is probably hallucinating all of this right now, but damn is it good. You tug at the crewneck he’s wearing, he’s too overdressed for this occasion. He tends to your demands, quickly getting rid of all the layers of clothing that stop him from being inside of you fully. 

“I don’t have a—“ 

“I’m on the pill.”

You both speak at the same time, making each other chuckle. Jungkook gulps at the idea of taking you raw as the first time together, and you salivate at his hardened length; the head already oozing precum out and you want nothing more than to wrap your lips around it and lick the tip up. You’re just about to when Jungkook quickly grabs your wrist to stop you from reaching him, you look up at him with the big sparkly eyes he has loved for too long. 

“I just—I wanna be inside you right now,” he sheepishly admits, and you smile with a nod; sharing the sentiment. You back up until your head rests on the pillows comfortably, relaxing into the mattress as you wait for Jungkook to ready himself. He places a kiss on your lips before placing a hand next to your head, using it as leverage above you. His free hand takes his cock and rubs the tip along your folds, making you squirm with anticipation. Jungkook chuckles, “Are you ready?” He asks with a sweet smile. 

“I’ve always been,” you whisper, your hand tucking a strand of his long hair behind his ear. 

A caress to his cheek as he nods, slowly pushing the head of his dick into you. You bite into your lip hard, it’s been a while since you had sex with someone and Jungkook’s size and girth was different from the rest. Your walls are tight around him and he has a tough time trying to reach the hilt with you squeezing him so hard, “Baby, relax for me.” He pleads and you nod apologetically, breathing in deep as you feel him reach parts inside of you, you didn’t know existed. Once he’s all the way in, he waits for you to give him the go ahead while he presses kisses into your heated cheek. You wrap your legs around his waist and give him a nod, letting him know he was allowed to start thrusting.

Jungkook manages to hit all the right places, keeping a steady pace as he enters and exits you each time. You’re left to moan and writhe underneath him, letting him take you as he pleases. Your kisses become messy, teeth biting into each other’s lips, teeth grazing against each other as you both tried to fight for the dominant position. It’s that heavy makeout that incites you to push at his shoulders, making him turn in his back, exiting you in the process. Jungkook pants, chest rising and falling with quickness as you straddle his lap, arms connecting behind his neck. 

“You always want to win, right?” He chuckles with half lidded eyes, enjoying the way your pussy lips grinded over his twitching length. You bat your eyelashes at him, offering him an innocent smile. The same technique that used to get you everything you wanted when you were younger. Same determination as you seek for what’s yours. He’s under you after all, still a victim to your charms.

Jungkook takes the bulbous head of his cock and teases it in your clit, if you weren’t holding on to him tight you would’ve collapsed into his chest. And by the way you moan his name out, he knows you’ll always look for him no matter the weather. “What a pretty girl,” he coos into your hair and you pinch his nipple in retaliation which only makes him groan in return. “My pretty girl.” He states before sinking himself deep into you again, sighing at the feeling of your hips circling over him. His rough hands guide them as you bounce up and down his length, moaning every time you rose and hissing when you came back down. 

He makes sure to keep this image engraved on his head forever. Your breasts bouncing over his face, your thighs working extra hard to keep up with his thrusts, and the way your sounds bounced off the walls of your bedroom. 

“You’re doing s-so good, baby.” Jungkook praises you, kneading your ass cheek. “Taking my cock s-so well,” he falls into a trance of admiring the way his length would appear and disappear inside of you, covered in a thick layer of your arousal. It makes him drill into you faster, sitting properly against the bed’s headboard as he takes your hips with force. He’s too turned on to keep treating you so delicately, and the way you moan and pant at the increase in speed only lets him know you enjoy him like this way more. “I-Is it good, baby? Am I-I fucking you well?” He asks in between rapid thrusts, your thighs had given out by then. 

You nod and a whimper escapes your lips, “Y-yes, Guk-Ah. S-so good, feels amazing.” Your praise is honest, the fucked out tone in your voice is a clear indicator of how well of a job he was doing. A minute longer and you’ll be right on cloud nine, never wanting to come back down. “Wanna cum Guk-Ah, plea—“ There’s no need for you to even finish your sentence because his thumb rubs your clit in figure eights, making you groan with the intensified feeling of his hips circling inside you deliciously. You can almost see the blinding white light ahead as Jungkook kisses you feverishly. You feel tears escape the corners of your high, the familiar feeling tickling inside you as Jungkook’s thrusts don’t let up. ‘‘Ah! Yes, yes, fuck,’’ you cry out once your orgasm hits. Jungkook holds you close to his chest, trying to soothe your shaking body with his arms. Your walls squeeze and relax continuously around him, it serves him as the impulse he needs to chase his own high. 

‘‘I love you, Jungkook,’’ you confess in between panting breaths, ‘‘so much.’’ 

His release shoots out and he groans, digging crescent moons into your hips. You hiss at the sensation, but giggle at how his eyes are screwed shut and brows still furrowed together, as if he was holding on to the last of his orgasm. In reality, Jungkook is just hoping that once he opens his eyes you’ll still be in his arms. Your fingers tilting his head to face you are very much real, he sees spots once he opens his eyes as they adjust to the room’s lighting. 

‘‘I love you too.’’ He says with a fixed gaze and you coo at how perfect this is.

You’re twenty-two when Jungkook’s finally yours.

You’re both twenty-three and it’s another weekend spent at his apartment, he’s been playing for three hours now and you’ve given up on having him pay attention to you. Deciding to switch your plan around and join him instead, if only he would let you play.

‘‘Jungkook, you said it was going to be my turn five rounds ago!’’ You complain with a pout, crossing your arms across your chest. 

His gaze is still stuck on the T.V screen, ‘‘Baby, shhh, you’re gonna make me lose.’’ He mumbles as he tries to remain concentrated on the game in hand, but he can hear your humph’s from behind him, ‘‘Patience is a─’’

‘‘Virtue, yeah, who cares.’’ You interrupt him with a roll of your eyes, familiar with the saying a little too well. ‘‘Hope you remember that for later tonight,’’ you add in a mumble, but he doesn’t hear it because of the loud sounds coming from the game on the screen. 

‘‘What did you say, babe?’’ He asks with a raised brow, hitting the buttons of the controller with expert ease. 

‘‘I’ll call your mom and tell her you don’t wanna share.’’ You joke with a threatening voice, but Jungkook knows better than to take your words so lightly. He pauses the game and turns to look at you with an are you serious? expression on his face, you giggle as you’ve finally got what you wanted. 

He apologizes by covering your face with kisses, pleading for you not to tell on him with his mom. You promise not to do so this time, knowing that the woman was probably tired of having to scold his son at his big age. 

Plus, ever since Jungkook surprised you with the almost exact replica of the Valentine’s Day card you gave him all those year back, you’ve taken advantage to tease him even more knowing he’s at your beck and call. You always remind him that he came close because the stickers he used were not like the ones you had, but he remembered to add the hearts on the I’s so that’s good enough. 

‘‘Alright you can play, but━!’’ He says after he finishes his attack of kisses, ‘‘I’ll be your guide, I can’t risk you messing my record up, no offense baby.’’ None taken as you nod excitedly, you’ll always take whatever chance he gives you. 

Jungkook’s finally learned how to share his toys after all.

[shades-of-stony]

Heavy Angst (And Not-So-Heavy but Still Angsty) Stony Fanfics!

I’m absolutely love a good Tony whump and hurt story so prepare to see a lot of those here! Get your tissues ready!

Push by phoenixreal

Summary: Tony Stark was known for pissing people off, it was a given. Then, after the man everyone thought was nothing more than a selfish prick decided to nearly kill himself saving Manhattan from a nuclear bomb, even the most sure of Tony's bastard status had to rethink it. And then, his team who were sure they had him pegged, they were invited (ordered) to move into Stark Tower with him. To their surprise, they found he had furnished full floors for each of them, somehow knowing their tastes exactly, including a floor dedicated to the resident Asgardian who would only be there some of the time. Surprised, and please, they all wonder at the enigma that is their host. After a couple months, Pepper Potts stops coming around so much, and they realize that something has exchanged between them because they are rather professional to each other. Pepper still frets over Tony, but instead tells the others to keep an eye on him rather than doing it herself. They easily forget that Tony is, and always has been, simply a human civilian. Then things get strange when they find themselves locked down within Stark tower, and after a harrowing viewing of a mysterious video, they find their resident playboy is completely gone.

Note: Prepare to cry and be hurt! This fanfic dabbles with Tony’s insecurity, self-worth, and issues. Please heed the warnings!

The words you choose to say by masterlokisev159

Summary: After the SHRA, the events around Steve’s death and Tony discovering he deleted part of his brain, Tony finally decides he's done enough. With Osborn taken care of, Tony leaves the Avengers and decides to quit being Ironman effective immediately.

He tells himself it doesn't hurt when Steve agrees. Why should it? After everything he's done, the team's better off without him.

However before he can truly move on, there are things he needs to take care of, and it's not long before he realizes he's dangerously close to losing his company. He's desperate and willing to do anything to keep it together.

So when, after months of silence, Steve asks him to drop everything and come work for Shield, Tony finds he doesn't have a choice. He agrees, no matter how much he knows he shouldn't. His reputation isn't exactly the best after the SHRA and he's heard stories of what he'd done as Director. He's knows what he's done. He's knows he's responsible for what happened to Steve.

He just wishes someone had warned him first. He hadn't been prepared to deal with the consequences.

Note: A 1000/10 angst fanfic that made me weep at 3 am in the morning. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. READ IT AND PREPARE TO CRY BUCKETS

Protocol SOTERIA by GoldenFinches

Summary: Friday's primary objective at all times is to protect one Anthony Edward Stark. And she will fulfill that objective no matter what it takes. Even if it means including certain people she thought she would never have to deal with again.

(Basically the Rogue Avengers get some sense knocked into them with the help of Friday and handful of videos.)

Note: A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ANGSTY FANFIC. I CRIED SO MUCH READING THIS. 

Straight to Voicemail by YouMakeMeDokiDoki

Summary: "I DID!" Tony screamed, cutting Steve off mid-sentence and whirling around to glare at him. 

"I CALLED YOU! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!"

Or

The one where no one answered their phone and things got out of hand. 

Note: this will absolutely break you heart.

Sunshine and Luck by ImportedfromMunich2

Summary: Months after Siberia, Steve and the rest of the defectors are pardoned and allowed back onto the Avengers, with the help of Tony Stark. Now that they're back - nothing is the same as before. Tony is even avoiding Steve at all costs.

Then one night - Tony barges into Steve's bedroom while he sleeps, and they have spontaneous, passionate sex.

Only, the Tony Stark he just fucked isn't from this universe.

Now, Steve has to find a way to explain to Tony that he had sex with his counterpart from another dimension.

Note: A good Steve whump fic! 

When You Mess With Him... by REM_It_Up

Summary: During an event with the Avengers, Tony is kidnapped by an unknown group of men right in front of the team. The group who took Tony taunt the Avengers by leaving small clues to Tony's whereabouts. When the kidnappers finally get in contact with the team, they are forced to watch Tony get tortured on camera.

The Avengers desperately search for their missing friend before they never see him again.

The kidnappers are smart and fast, they have everything figured out in order to get away with their plan...They just forgot one thing--

Colonel James Rhodes

Note: Now this is really heavy! Brace yourselves for a kidnapped and tortured tony! Also, protective honey bear aka Rhodey bonus here!

To Need is Not To Want by Brixon

Summary: All his life Tony has been used as a means to someone's end. Always someone's tool in a game. Carelessly thrown aside, once they had no longer use of him. He keeps it bottled up because, because he's Tony Stark. But he's always had this desire that one day someone would come who would stay because they wanted and needed him. He thought he had that with the Avengers, but after everything with the Accords and everyone leaving after Civil War that hope of having something of his to stay was gone.

Despite being burned constantly, Tony still has this wanting. So when Ryder, an old college friend, comes back into his life and actually seems to want to stay because he wants AND needs Tony, Tony is beyond thrilled. Because Ryder is staying. It doesn't matter if the bruises stay too.

But what happens when the Avengers return and Tony finds himself wondering once again exactly what he wants and what he needs.

Note: I’m sure, from the summary, you can tell that it’s a heartbreak here. 

Hiding Things Is All Too Easy - Until It Isn't by audhds

Summary: Tony hasn't been the same since Bucky arrived at Stark Tower. That much is obvious. But Steve is overjoyed to have his best friend back and is somewhat oblivious to how Tony is withdrawing away from him. Because surely Tony is just overworked as usual. He must be quiet and jumpy because he is sleep deprived. And of course he has a few cuts and bruises on the visible parts of his skin - he fights and works for the Avengers as a living. It's part of the job description. Until it isn't.

Will Steve discover the physical and mental trauma that Tony is going through before it is too late?

Note: This is even heavier! Please read the tags carefully! Also, this has some serious Bucky bashing! If you are a Bucky fan but still interested in this, please prepare yourself. 

No Trait As Much As This by KandiSheek

Summary: Tony gets hit with truth serum. It's a terrible time for everyone.

Note: A bit lighter than the others but still angst nonetheless. The added truth serum element makes this even more interesting!

Good For You by @orbingarrow

Summary: Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.

Note: Another Tony-in-abusive-relationships fanfic!!

hold the things you wanna say by SailorChibi

Summary: Tony is still a consultant, and between SI, the team and SHIELD he's overworked and exhausted. That's okay.

He and Steve have been having sex for weeks but that's all it is, just sex, and Tony wants more but he'll never get it and that's okay. Really.

What's not okay is the fact that Howard Stark has somehow appeared in the future and is the same as always.

This is definitely going to fuck up his schedule.

Note: Anyone up for some Howard-travels-to-the-future fanfic?

Childhood is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies by MemoryDragon

Summary: Seven-year-old Tony Stark wakes up on a Hydra base, lost, afraid, and alone. He has to overcome his fears before it's too late for the Avengers and Captain America.

Note: De-aged Tony just screams heavy angst and hurt!

Advanced Protocol by masterlokisev159

Summary: The Incursions are coming. The Illuminati have surrendered and everyone has come together to take one last stand.

Everyone except Tony. And Steve is tired of waiting. He wants answers.

There's something the Illuminati aren't telling him.

Note: If you don’t know what the Avalon is in Marvel, I recommend you search it up, or you could read this fic. You will be heartbroken with what you find. 

Flower Child by itsallAvengers

Summary: The point was this, though:

In a hundred million universes, in a hundred million different lives, there would never be a single one of them in which Tony Stark deserved anyone like Steve Rogers. Ever.

So this? Nonsensical.

Note: Another fanfic that highlights child abuse and Tony’s insecurities! 

What Pays All Debts by KandiSheek

Summary: No one is supposed to survive the date written on their skin. And yet Tony's numbers keep piling up.

Note: Angst + Death dates? You could probably foretell how much of a gut-wrench journey this is.

Falling Into You by sabrecmc

Summary: Tony and Steve end up as fuck buddies after the events of The Winter Soldier until Steve calls it off. When Loki's spell wipes all of Steve's memories since the last time Loki was in town, Tony decides it will be so much easier to just not tell Steve they had something of a relationship. Spoiler: It isn't.

Or, how Steve fell in love with Tony and forgot about it, and how Tony fell in love with Steve and realized it.

Note: There are just something about amnesia fanfics that makes it so goddamn heartbreaking. 

Art Freaks and Comic Geeks by Coil

Summary: Tony Stark had made himself a phenomenally renowned writer. The world had fallen in love with the heroes that appeared in his novels; captivated by his vivid words of life and colour.

His next ambition was to publish a comic book series starring the much-beloved heroes of his novels. There was just one problem. Brilliant as Tony may have been with his words, his skills in the field of drawing were less than great. It didn’t help that he barely knew what his characters ought to look like in the first place.

Enter: Mister Steve Rogers – an up-and-coming artist/illustrator with the potential to be brilliant.

Their paths happen to cross at Comic-Con.

Note: this is a much lighter angsty fanfic but is still angsty. It is a Modern AU mixed with Artist!Steve and Writer!Tony.

Unwritten Endings by XtaticPearl

Summary: Tony takes the bullet meant for Captain America at the end of their war and through his death, brings together the team again. Only, he isn't really dead and when he comes back, the equations between the team-mates begin to alter and reform, writing a new story altogether.

Note: Of course, you can’t have an angst fanfic rec without a fake death fanfic!

WIP

Need Is Just A Word by masterlokisev159

Summary: A month has gone by since the war and Tony has never felt more alone. of course, with the unrest within the government, the disappearance of the Avengers and the obvious lack of Steve Rogers, it was only a matter of time before the UN finally flipped out and decided to act on the last available Avenger. Too bad they didn't realise a promise had been made by Captain America to be there when Iron man needed him.

Note: a gut-wrenching Post CA:CW fanfic where tony is suffering the consequences of the civil war.

Take me out tonight by masterlokisev159

Summary: When Steve gets invited to a formal party with the government, Fury tells him he can bring a plus one of his choosing. While listening quietly in the corner, Tony heaves a sigh of relief because the team could really do with some positive publicity and any of the Avengers are a good choice for Steve. Tony just wants Steve to be happy after all, even if he knows Steve's gonna pick Natasha. He knows Steve doesn't like him and he's aware there's never going to be anything more between them. They're barely even friends really.

So of course he's absolutely shocked when a gold filigree letter rests in his palms two days later. He's the worst person for this.

Why on earth did Steve choose him?

Note: AHHHHHHHH, INSECURE TONY IS JUST A FAVORITE. Also, confident!Steve that knows who he wants is just a whole new mood!

The Soul Stone's Sacrifice by masterlokisev159

The soul stone demands a sacrifice that Tony and Steve are not prepared for, but in the end, one life is sacrificed for the many. Steve lets Tony go for the last time and mourns a future they never had.

That is until Tony comes back.

Note: A scenario where Tony and Steve where the ones to go to Vormir.