#i want to retreat into our mind and never return

[spookytimecollective]

our mind is fracturing into tiny pieces, we can barely speak coherently, skill regression is more extreme than it has been in months and no amount of attempts at informing us of the date, time and our responsibilities work

the headspace is a white oppressive void and there are voicing screaming and crying in our head, drawing us away from reality

i think we're mass splitting, that our mind is doing absolutely everything in its power to shield us from the stress

i dont know who i am and i can't cope

[bunnylovesani]

A Marriage Story

Summary: You met your husband Spencer at college and fell in love at first sight. A decade later, he’s struggling to be the man you need after spending months away in prison. Can you find your way back to each other even when outside influences want to keep you apart?

Content warnings: smut, fluff and angst all rolled into one, rough sex, oral sex, degradation, sub/dom dynamics, references to infidelity and divorce

WC: 10.7k

“Can’t sleep?” You peered into the living room to see your husband slouched across the sofa, sporting a stiff, groggy expression as he examined what looked to be a pine-green leatherbound book.

“It would appear that way, wouldn’t it?” He mumbled in response, barely looking up. Spencer was snarky by nature- it was something you’d grown accustomed to and even found endearing- but you were woefully unprepared for just how much would change following his stint in prison. 

“You can barely read in here, it’s so dark.” You grumbled as you stretched to turn on an orange light posted in the corner. Your fingertips brushed past the bobbly canvas of the lampshade as you recalled how the appliance was a wedding gift. You weren’t exactly sure who bestowed it to you but the memory made you a little misty-eyed. 

“And you don’t have your glasses either.” You muttered under your breath as you readily paced to your bedroom down the hall to retrieve his black-rimmed specs. “Here you go.” You extended your arm out, waiting for him to take them out of your grasp but he paid no notice. 

“Spence.” You nudged him but he just shook his head wordlessly and retreated into his pages even more, squinting profusely. Perching beside him, you tucked his unruly waves out of his face and nestled them behind his ear before carefully sliding on his glasses, letting them rest on the delicate bridge of his nose. 

“Thanks.” He whispered after a while and you tried your best not to sigh at the state of your husband. His under eyes throbbed purple, the darkness consuming them in a veiny, crescent spill. There was no avoiding the way Spencer’s eyes had gradually dullened, as if the light had drained from them entirely. 

“It’s 3 in the morning, my love. Clearly that stiff sofa isn’t doing you any favours, why don’t you try sleeping in our bed tonight?” You hummed, nervously pawing at his forearm in anticipation of his answer. 

“Not tonight.” He dismissed, shaking off your hand as he recoiled from you. 

“You always said that sleeping with me put your mind to rest. Let me scoop you up into my arms and I’ll bet those nightmares will ease right up.” You nuzzled into him playfully, badly craving that now unfamiliar warmth. It had been 3 months since Spencer returned home from jail and another 3 since you’d even slept in the same room. 

“That was back then.” He replied coldly, swallowing a lump in his throat before finally looking up to meet your gaze. “The sofa is just fine now.” 

“So you plan on spending the rest of our marriage sleeping in here, do you?” You laughed in disbelief, overwhelmed by the incredible misfortune that had struck your husband- and by cursed extension, you.

“I didn’t say that.” He ripped off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose with tired frustration. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“I have been more than understanding.” You observed the broken man hunched over before you with both pity and unbridled anger. “But my lenience has a limit. At some point, you have to get over it.”

“You don’t know what I’ve been through.” He snapped back, almost interrupting. 

“Because you won’t tell me.” You countered, blood pressure rising over his incredulous obstinance. “How am I supposed to help you if you don’t let me?”

“I don’t need your help.” He scoffed, shuffling back as if the slightest contact with you made his skin crawl. 

“I am your wife.” You uttered solemnly, the words beginning to sound foreign to you both. “Or have you forgotten?”

“How could I? You never leave me alone.” He stated carelessly with such absurd cruelty that it made your heart split in two. 

“Who are you? I don’t even recognise you anymore.” Your voice trembled as tears swelled and you willed yourself not to fall apart entirely right then and there. 

“I don’t recognise myself either.” He murmured inaudibly.

Awkwardly plumping the pillows you had flattened as you rose, you straightened out your cotton nightie and headed towards the solitary bedroom, leaving Spencer glaring shamefully at the floor. 

“Do you remember our wedding day?” You whispered into the doorway, unsure whether he would even hear. 

“Of course I do.” He sighed heavily, as if the memory hurt him and he wasn’t too grateful for the reminder. 

Realising that those were the only words you’d be able to coax out of him tonight, you proceeded down the corridor and slumped into bed defeatedly. The right side of the bed was always kept empty, partly out of habit and partly out of hope that he might, by some miracle, change his mind one of these nights and join you. A particular quote that your husband once read aloud from a Nietzsche book sprang to mind: “In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torments of man.” He had laughed it off as the words left his perfect lips, dismissing the mournful proclamation as pessimistic melodrama- but now you wondered whether the boy genius had, for once, been wrong. Clutching a rumpled old pillow close to your chest, you thought back to better days as your melancholy lulled you to sleep. 

“Spencer, you’re so annoying.” You playfully slapped his forearm once you caught sight of the little drawings he was leaving in your notebook. “This journal is for my notes, not your mediocre art. Is that one meant to be me?” You pointed at the silly stickman with long hair and a speech bubble declaring ‘I love Spencer’. 

“Well you’re obviously not the ruggedly handsome one.” He gestured at the nerdy-looking bespectacled caricature of himself. It was evident he didn’t have the highest self regard but you couldn’t figure out why- to you, there was no one more perfect. “Do you write about me in your little diary?” He glided the pages out of your reach and began flicking through their contents with a sneer. Knowing exactly what he would find, you allowed him to skim through your written confession as you witnessed his expression soften. 

“I met a guy today in my criminology class.” He muttered, reading an early entry aloud. “I hardly know anything about him, but I’m already certain I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is that crazy? To love a complete stranger? I think I would let him drive me into the furthest depths of insanity if it meant I could hold onto a piece of him forever.” 

You blushed hearing your own words spilling from his lips, recalling the day you met on your first day of college. 

“Wait.” Spencer put your notebook down before frantically rummaging through his backpack to retrieve his own. Yanking out a pine-green leatherbound journal, he flitted through its pages before turning it around and sliding it across the library desk. “Read this here.” He tapped a passage located right around the middle with an impatient forefinger. 

“Okay…” You drawled hesitantly, sliding your textbooks out of the way to focus on the script put before you. “I met a girl today. That doesn’t really happen to me. Liking aforementioned girl is even more of a rarity but today, I feel like I’ve been struck by lightning. There I was, my nose deep in a second edition tome of Fundamentals of Research in Criminal Justice when someone who could only be described as a blinding ray of sunshine bounded into the lecture hall. When she took a seat in the back row beside me and made a deliciously snide comment over Garland’s incompetency in examining the Lombrosian Project, I knew I was a goner. Note to self: do further research on what it means to be ‘in love’.” 

“Yours was a little more romantic.” He chuckled, observing the incredulous look on your face. 

“Spence…” You shook your head as you grabbed his hand and tried unsuccessfully to convey the complexity of your feelings. “I- I don’t know what to say.” 

“I love you.” He said simply, like he had many times before but you never grew tired of hearing it. 

“I love you too.” You grinned, resisting the urge to kiss him and give surrounding students in the stuffy library a show. 

“Can I ask you something crazy? But promise not to think about it too much.” He chewed on his bottom lip with an almost crazed look in his eyes. 

“You can’t surprise me anymore.” You nodded, giggling. 

“Do you want to get married?” The question made you break out into a flurry of goosebumps, contradicting your last sentence entirely. 

“W-what?” You raised your eyebrows, listening intently for a sign that he was just teasing. 

“Right now. Lets go somewhere and get married.” You scanned his handsome face in shock as you realised he was being serious. 

“B-but we’re only 22. We’re so young.” 

“Yes, we are.” He calmly responded, allowing you to run through all your doubts.

“A-and we still haven’t graduated.” 

“No, we haven’t.” He shook his head.

“And oh, our parents would be so mad!”

“They very well might be. Marry me anyway.” He flashed a broad, toothy smile and the way it made your heart stop gave you the only indication you needed. 

“Okay.” You smiled. 

“Okay?!” He repeated in surprise.

“Okay. I’ll marry you.” 

Spencer shot out of his seat, lifting you up with him as he grabbed you by the face, planting excitable kisses over your lips and cheeks. 

“Don’t we need to make appointments for this kind of thing?” You squeaked out between kisses, the logistical cogs in your mind whirring. 

“Well, baby.” He paused, gazing into your eyes with a mischevious twinkle. “It’s a good thing we live in Vegas.” 

Grabbing each other’s hand with a fervour you thought would last forever, you headed straight to a walk-in chapel, where along with two drunken witnesses you dragged off the street and a pair of vending machine wedding bands, you officiated your love. The haughtily dressed minister, who resembled a cowboy more than a government official thanks to his white, studded getup- took several takes before agreeing to ordain the ceremony. “Crazy kids…” he muttered under his breath when you managed to persuade him, ushering you down the altar with a disapproving sigh.

Spencer marvelled at how you could look so beautiful in a cheap, rented veil and he vowed that day that he would never dare take you for granted. He would make damn sure to remember just how blessed he was, no matter what life threw at him. 

He remained true to his word for the most part, proceeding to spend the next decade or so faithfully by your side. As in most areas of his life, Spencer excelled at being a husband. After his first substantial promotion, he knew exactly what to spend all his savings on: he made a beeline to Tiffany’s for a long overdue engagement ring, surprising you with the small robin’s-egg-blue box on a random Tuesday night. You loved it, of course, and gushed over the lavish diamond, proudly flashing it to anyone who would let you- though you kept your tarnished old band on your bedside table and observed it with nostalgic fondness. 

Every promise Spencer made, Spencer kept. From the silly details down to the crux of your marriage, he was unfalteringly respectful, supportive and always appreciative. 

You certainly weren’t too shabby playing the part of his wife either. Dinner was always on the table, the house was always spick and span and you had no shortage of tight outfits to greet him home dressed up in. You hadn’t ever anticipated your role in life would be that of a housewife but Spencer made it easy- and if you had to be one, a loving, handsome genius was the man for the job. You figured you could do worse.

When the company you worked for years ago filed for bankruptcy and you were too burnt out to look elsewhere, your husband was more than happy to assume his new position as the breadwinner. 

While the thought of relying on a man used to inundate you with horror, this particular man was like something out of a movie- for him, you made every exception, choosing a life of domestic bliss in suburbia over the dreams you once had. You weren’t the most fulfilled woman in the world but you’d never had serious concerns- until this year. It wasn’t Spencer’s habit of overprioritising work, nor his stretch in prison- it wasn’t even the thousand yard stare that painted his face at all hours of the day following his release. 

It was the arrival of the sudden and unprecedented thought that he might actually leave you. 

As many fights as you’d had over the years, the possibility that Spencer may not be the man you spend the rest of your life with had never once crossed your mind- you had it ticked off as a definite and planned your life accordingly around that simple fact. You thought you had agreed that nothing could ever tear you apart. 

But now; the way he recoiled when you came near him and the disdain that dripped from his voice when he spoke to you had you reconsidering whether the man you knew would ever make a return. 

It was your biggest fear and everything your mother had warned you about; her nauseating words gnawed at you as you remembered how staunchly she opposed your impromptu decision to get married. She never really accepted Spencer- choosing instead to graciously tolerate him as a favour to you, but neither of you were under any illusions as to what her real thoughts on the matter were. 

“There you are, I was beginning to think you stood me up.” The lofty voice of your mother rang out and the air sharply shifted around her. 

“Sorry, mother. I- uh, woke up a little late. Got caught in the midday traffic.” You sniffled, trying your utmost to be subtle over the fact you’d spent all morning weeping pathetically in bed.

“Yes, I suppose that’s something you can afford being unemployed and childless.” She scoffed, suspiciously eyeing up your puffy face. “Though I suspect traffic isn’t to blame on this particular occasion.” 

“Of course it is.” You dismissed, taking a seat before her at the garden restaurant you had agreed to meet for lunch in. It was a little too snooty for your taste, but then so was she. 

Burying your face in the menu before she had the chance to inspect your somewhat ragged appearance further, you tried to ignore her heavy sighing. 

“I worry about you, you know.” She lowered your menu with a pristinely manicured finger. 

“Oh trust me, I know.” You rolled your eyes and snatched the menu back, eyeing up the scandalously named cocktails and wondering how many you could get away with ordering. 

“I’m being serious. Your whole life revolves around him. And he’s a mess. You know what that makes you?” She reached into her handbag and fished for a compact mirror.

“Please, enlighten me.” You groaned as she checked her mauve lipstick. 

“A mess by extension.” She haughtily added, snapping the mirror closed with a snappy click. “And it’s my job as your mother to set you straight.”

“Lucky me.” You muttered, disinterested. 

“Listen to me, young lady. I don’t care how old you get or how much you think you know, I know better. You need to come back down to Earth and realise that your marriage is failing.” She snakes her hand across the table and places it on top of your own. “Prison changes a man. He’s not the Spencer you once knew.”

“You think I don’t know that?” You retorted stroppily. “I know he’s changed but that doesn’t mean we’re going to- we’re not getting a- you know…”

“Divorce?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that.” You shrugged. 

“It fills me with deep concern that you can’t even say the word. How are you going to function when he leaves you?”

“Mother!” You gasped. 

“Oh, if and when, same thing.” She waved a hand in the air dismissively, her nimble pearl bracelets clinking against one another. “My point is, darling, you must accept that there’s a…significant possibility your life will change. You need to be ready for it.” 

“No.” You shook your head, refusing to let her words sink in. “Spence wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t leave me.”

“Oh?” She finally removed her sunglasses and you caught sight of the genuine concern in her steely eyes. “What did he say to you before you left this morning?” 

Your eyes shot to the floor as you remembered how he’d elected to go to work early, leaving the house without a farewell as was his routine these days. Seeing the anxiety and shame written all over your face, your mother sighed yet again. 

“Men in these situations often seek comfort in others.” She softened her tone but not her words. “You’re too close to the situation to make him feel better about it. You know too much.” 

“What are you trying to say?” You squinted. 

“He needs to feel like a man right now. And you can’t give him that.” She innocently sipped from the paper straw floating in her lemon water. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You dismissed her, the thought of Spencer cheating inconceivable. 

“Look out for the signs. If he’s working late too often, if he has secretive phone calls…” She trailed off. “It can’t hurt to pay attention.” 

Although you tried not to let them, her words had a nagging way of worming themselves into your brain and never coming back out. 

Later that evening, you returned to the empty confines of your house and spent several hours anxiously flitting your eyes to the clock on the wall. He should’ve been home early today. 

“Spence, is that you?” You called out once you heard the faint clicking of the door unlocking. The slow thudding of his heavy footsteps was heard before he entered your bedroom, looking very weary and sporting even more stubble than usual. 

“Who else would it be?” He asked with a shadow of a smile. Offering no explanation, he peeled off his blazer and loosened his tie as he perched on the edge of the bed. 

“Must be a really tough case you’re working on with the amount of overtime shifts you’ve been putting in.” You cleared your throat.

“It’s, uh, it’s been a tricky one. Yeah.” A deafening silence followed his obscure reply.

“Did you give any more thought to taking time off work?” You continued, yearning to wrap your arms around him but resisting. 

“No. I mean, yes I did, but I don’t want any time off. It wouldn’t help, I can hardly stand being at home.” You gulped at the hurtful connotation and he turned around to face you. “No, I didn’t mean like that. Not because of you. You know what I’m trying to say.” 

“Not sure I do.” You muttered under your breath. 

“I’m sorry. I’m a mess.” He dropped his head into his hands and took a deep, stabilising breath. “I just need time.”

“Of course, Spence, I understand that. It’s only that- well,  i-it’s been 6 months. 6 months of me doting on you and letting you get away with acting and speaking to me however you like. At what point does it end?” Your words had a desperate tinge to them. “I need some kind of indication.”

“I can’t tell you the exact time and date that I will forget everything that happened to me.” He stood up with a huff and you knew you’d touched a nerve.

“Don’t get defensive, I’m just trying to talk to you.” You got up and stood beside him, laying a flat palm to his chest. “To get through to you somehow, anyhow.” 

You could feel his warm, unsteady breath on your skin as he scrunched his eyes shut, wanting to be anywhere but here. 

“Why can’t you talk to me? You used to be able to tell me everything.” Your voice cracked as you rubbed your thumb across his cheek pleadingly. 

“I can’t give you what you want. Not right now.” He gently lowered your hand and stared into your eyes apologetically. 

“We haven’t made love in so long.” You murmured hesitantly and he shot you an irksome look. You hated to bring it up but the pain of his rejection was getting too much to bear- you had to let him know how badly you needed him.

“Is that why you’ve been on my case so much lately?” He raised an unimpressed eyebrow. 

“No, of course not.” You sighed. “Not the only reason, at least.” 

“Sorry, baby. I’ve been too busy dealing with major trauma to factor in your sex drive.” He quipped sarcastically. 

“That’s not fair, Spencer.” You had anticipated such a response but your heart dropped anyway when you heard it. “It’s not just about that and you know it. I just miss my husband- all of him.”

“Things change.” He mumbled. 

“Well, will they ever change back?” You snapped a little. “Tell me right now, can I get my husband back? Matter of fact, do you even want to come back?” 

Your eyes betrayed you with a steady stream of tears pouring down your reddened cheeks. 

“Do you still want me?” Your voice quivered, praying he wouldn’t take this opportunity to shatter you completely. 

“Yes. I do.” He answered simply though there was an air of conflict about him. “I’ve loved being your husband. I just, I- not now. I just can’t. I can’t do it.” 

He shook his head and paced out to the hall, shutting the living room door loudly once he was safely inside. 

Your blood began to boil. All the grace and understanding you’d shown him this year and he couldn’t even finish a conversation without running away like a coward. 

“You bastard. Come back here right now, Reid.” You barked out, running after him. “Or so help me God-.” 

“You’ll do what?” He opened up, lean figure resting against the door frame. ”You gonna kill me, honey?” 

“I just might!” You shrieked frustratedly. “I’m so unbelievably sick of you doing nothing but sulking and feeling sorry for yourself. Enough is enough. Wake up and smell the fucking flowers!” You crossed your arms, exasperated and a small smirk spread across his handsome face. “You’re smiling.” 

“Such good attention to detail. This is exactly why I married you.” He winked and you slapped his arm a little too forcefully. “Yes, I’m smiling. You’re adorable when you’re bratty.”

“If being at my wits end with you means being a brat then yes, I’m the biggest brat in the world!” You started bawling- you knew it was irrational but you were too sensitive and overwhelmed with emotion to let his teasing slide.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, shh.” He pulled you in close, pressing your delicate head against his chest. “Come on, my love. You know I can’t stand seeing you cry.” 

“How come you’ve been letting me do it every night, then?” You whimpered, pitiful words swallowed by the fabric of his white work shirt.

“I didn’t think it was that bad.” He looked down at you, a noxious blend of guilt and sympathy flickering in his tired eyes. “I-I thought you understood.” 

“Understood what?” You let out a muffled murmur as you drew in his heady scent, the musky cologne combined with his sweat soothing your overwrought senses. 

“That even though I’m in a dark place-” He lowered his face until you felt his hot breath against your flushed cheeks. “It doesn’t, for a single second, mean that I don’t love you.” 

“Really?” You gazed up at him lamentably. “It was starting to feel that way, li-like nothing I did was good enough.” 

“I’m sorry.” He almost winced, his regret tangible in how tightly he held you. “It’s not you, you’re perfect. You’ve been patient and understanding and I’ve completely put our marriage on the back burner….there’s no excuse.” He fell back into the sofa, pulling you down into his lap as he gently spoke.

“God it was just the weight of it all- the weight of how long it was taking me to shake it off. The longer it took, the more I felt like a failure and I couldn’t stand coming home to you every night and disappointing you. Seeing the unfalteringly hopeful look on your face and knowing it’d be wiped off after one conversation with me…I started avoiding you.”

“Spence…” You wilted like a flower at his confession.

“But that was selfish, I know that.” He took your face in his hands and professed earnestly. “I can’t apologise enough, my love.” 

“Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” Your heart leapt as your husband’s familiar warmth flooded you- and while you were grateful to get a glimpse of the old Spencer, you were also confused by the abrupt shift in his demeanour- if not suspicious. 

“Honestly? You getting pissed off flipped a switch in me.” He looked just as puzzled as you at the admission. “All this time you haven’t gotten mad once- even when you’re upset, you’re always sweet. I guess it took you acting out of character to make me see just how badly I’ve been treating you. You brought me to my senses by threatening me.” 

“And I’ll make good on that threat if you keep shutting me out.” You wagged a finger at him and he chuckled, clasping your hand and planting a soft kiss over it. 

“If I ever talk to you like that again, you have my full permission to kill me.” 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” You scowled at him playfully and he patted your damp cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt, drying the remnants of your tears. 

“I was reading my journal from our college days last night.” He admitted as you soaked up how good it felt to be in his arms again. 

“I knew that dusty old green thing looked familiar!” You bit your lip to contain the smile about to burst through. “Why were you looking through that?” 

“I needed a reminder of what kind of man I vowed to be. To stay true to that little nerd who couldn’t believe his luck when he got to marry you.” He pressed his forehead against yours as he filled your head with words you’d spent the last 6 months dreaming about. “If you’ll have me, I’d love to sleep in our bed again tonight.”

“You mean it, Spence? You really don’t have to if you don’t-“

“No, I really do. You’re my home, baby. And I’ve been away from home for too long.” He pulled you in closer until his lips gently met yours, kissing you so sweetly you thought you might melt. 

“God, I missed you.” You whispered as a shudder ran down your spine, his touch proving to be too much after you’d spent so long deprived. 

“I missed you more. I promise I’ll make it up to you. For all my mistakes.” He cooed but you weren’t even paying attention, all your focus centred on the dizzying way his large palm stroked your back. 

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” He whispered, nudging his shoulder against your own. 

“Mhm…” You moaned lazily, allowing him to drag you up and guide you into the comfort of your bedroom, which instantly seemed more welcoming now that you knew he was finally joining you. 

“There, all tucked in.” He beamed after stuffing the edges of the duvet beneath your languid body. “I just need to change and brush my teeth, I’ll be right in.” He kissed your forehead and sauntered over to the adjoining bathroom. 

Before you could surrender to sleep, you pawed clumsily at the nightstand in search of your phone, overcome with the urge to message your mother- you just had to let her know she was wrong. Composing a text to assure her your marriage was no longer in danger, you sent it through with a satisfied sigh. Unexpectedly, the screen lit up not a moment after you’d put it down, accompanied by a quiet chirp that let you know she had sent one back. 

“Don’t let your guard down. Guilt is a powerful thing.” Her ominous words pulsed off the screen and left you feeling queasy. 

“Remember what I said. Look for the signs.” A second text flashed across the screen. 

You dropped the phone with a shaky clatter, as if your hands couldn’t wait to be rid of the thing. How could she remain insistent that Spencer had been cheating when he’d given next to no indication of it? You would’ve chalked it all down to her longstanding aversion to him and fallen into a peaceful slumber- if it wasn’t for the muttering you heard coming from the other side of the bathroom door. 

Like a jumpy cat, you raised yourself against the headboard at once and listened with bated breath. Struggling to make out a complete sentence as the running water smothered his words, you cautiously crept over to the door and ever so slightly pressed your ear against it. 

“I appreciate that but I can’t. We’ll have to reschedule.” Spencer’s muffled voice rang out, sounding slightly stressed. “No, I’m not thinking about leaving. I know I need you. Yes. Everything’s fine, I’m just not free tonight.” 

You let out an exasperated breath, in pure disbelief over what you’d overheard. Before you could gather your thoughts, the tap stopped running and you heard the sound of shuffling footsteps, prompting you to leap into bed and swathe yourself amongst the covers. 

“You asleep already, baby?” He whispered when he emerged from the bathroom, pressing his warm, pyjama-clad body flat against yours. You said nothing, remaining as still as a church mouse as he cosily nestled his face into the crook of your neck and dozed off. While your husband enjoyed the best sleep he’d had in the better part of a year, you spent the remainder of the night staring into the expanse of your dark ceiling, paralysed with fear. 

A Saturday morning was usually yours and Spencer’s favourite day of the week; it meant you could sleep in, have breakfast in bed and make love until noon all in glorious succession. This particular Saturday was markedly different- partly because Spencer had been called into work- and partly because you couldn’t go a second without driving yourself crazy thinking about his affair. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Hotch is insisting he needs the whole team together.” Spencer rolled his eyes as he hopped around in a struggle to get his socks on. You sat up in bed and nodded complacently, not wanting to set off any alarm bells to your profiler husband. “Hey babe?” He asked, fiddling with his tie. 

“Hm?” You smiled innocuously. 

“How would you feel if you had to start working again?” He bit his lip and looked at you, full of intrigue. “Would you manage?”

“Umm, I-I don’t know.” You stuttered, caught off guard completely by his question. “Why do you ask?” 

“Didn’t you have dreams? Goals you wanted to accomplish?” He asked sincerely and a thinly veiled panic began to rise in you. 

“Sure, I guess. I didn’t plan on abandoning them but- I don’t know, life got in the way and other things took priority.” 

“Hm. Okay.” He looked absorbed in thought as he grabbed his blazer. “I’ve got to run- how about I meet you for dinner at that new steakhouse in town? We’ve got a lot of things to discuss.” 

“We do?” You gulped. 

“I know I do.” He leaned down to kiss your forehead as you desperately tried to read his body language. “See you later.” 

“Bye, honey.” You choked out as he breezed out the door, leaving you with bile rising up your throat. 

You hated to admit it, but your mother was right. 

“And-and then he told her he needed her!” You blubbed down the phone when you finally plucked up the courage to call her later that day. “And don’t you dare say you told me so!”

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Your mother retorted dishonestly. 

“But that’s not all- before he left this morning, he was asking me how I’d feel if I had to start working again!” You whined, your body racked with so much anxiety it made you nauseous. 

“He’s trying to gauge how you’d cope if you no longer had him to financially rely on.” She sighed knowingly. “He’s trying to subconsciously prepare you. It’s almost thoughtful- in his own strange, dysfunctional way. Typical Spencer.”

“You really think this is it? He’s done with me?” You sniffed, desperately hanging onto the last thread of hope. “This might just all be a big misunderstanding.”

“I don’t think so, sweetheart. I mean, the late nights, the phone call, the interrogation about your career. And the spontaneous apologetic outburst. It’s clear to see he’s bursting at the seams with guilt.” She tutted, feigning sympathy- but you knew she’d been waiting for Spencer to slip up for years. As much as it might have pained her to see her daughter like this, the satisfaction of knowing Spencer was almost out of her life outweighed the anguish. 

“So now what do I do?” You whinged, the last thread snapped. 

“You’re going to dress up in the tightest outfit you have, drive down to that restaurant and tell him you want a divorce.” She instructed with her signature self-assured candidness. 

“B-but I don’t want a divorce.” You mumbled meekly, acutely aware of how pitiable you sounded. 

“I’m afraid you don’t have much of a choice.” 

Her words resounded in your aching brain as you rummaged through your closet looking for an outfit that fit the brief, ultimately settling on a satin black mini dress- Spencer’s favourite. 

Driving to the restaurant rehearsing your parting words was nothing short of excruciating. You adored your husband just as much as you did the day you first met; spotting him in that lecture hall, shiny brown hair slicked back as he twiddled a pen between his spindly fingers and scrunched his eyebrows up in displeasure at the set text. It was like a bolt of lightning struck you- love at first sight. 

How did you get to the point of divorce? Your brain was racked with potential guesses as to where along the line you lost him. Were you not interesting enough? You wanted to get your career back on track but you assumed Spencer would prefer a stay-at-home wife. Is that where you went wrong? Perhaps some woman at work was more engaging, perhaps he had more mutual interests with her than his boring wife. 

Pulling into the parking lot, you braced yourself to head for the entrance and find your soon-to-be ex-husband. Who would get the car in the divorce? He paid for it so you supposed the courts would award it to him. 

“Oh God.” You muttered under your breath, head spinning as you waited inside for a hostess. If you went by that logic, you’d be left with nothing. 

“Do you have a reservation?” The young worker hobbled over breathlessly. 

“Uh- probably, under a Mr Reid.” You twiddled your thumbs as she searched her database.

“Oh, he’s already been seated, just down there.” She pointed in his direction and you saw the back of his head, luscious curls nestling around the base of his neck. You sighed, he was going to be a tough one to get over. 

“Baby, there you are.” He rose from his seat to plant a quick kiss on your cheek and as always, pull out your chair. Where were you going to find someone as gentlemanly as him? “Are you okay?” 

“Sure.” You managed a small smile though you were sure he saw right through it. 

“I’ve already ordered us some wine, they had that white zinfandel you like.” He said, pouring you a glass.

“Trying to get me drunk, Reid?” You swirled the liquid around, inhaling the sweet aroma. 

“From half a bottle?” He chuckled nervously, your mannerisms already causing suspicion. “No, I want you sober for tonight.” 

“That’s unkind.” You muttered unintelligibly, knocking back your glass in one go. 

“Woah, slow down.” He cautioned as you clinked your glass against the bottle, prompting him to hesitantly pour you another. 

“You sure everything’s okay?” 

“Yes, great. What did you need to talk to me about?” You braced yourself for impact. 

“Okay, well, I know it would be a big change but just hear me out. I think in the long run, it’d be better for you if-“

“Actually, no. Everything’s not okay.” You slurred, the alcohol already impairing your senses. 

“Oh? What’s the matter?” He asked anxiously, fidgeting with his wedding band. 

“I want a divorce.” You blurted out tastelessly.

“You- what?” Spencer’s eyes widened as he blinked rapidly. “A divorce?”

“You heard me.” You gulped, trying your hardest to be stern even though you were about to fall apart. “You’ve run out of chances with me.” 

“Baby, what? I-I know it’s been rocky but I thought we talked it through? You seemed just fine last night, I don’t understand.” He shook his head, eyebrows raised so high a painful-looking row of wrinkles stacked up on his forehead. 

“I thought we were fine too, but I was wrong.” You took another glug of liquid courage as you avoided eye contact, knowing you would cave if you took even one glance at his big, round eyes. 

“I know I don’t have much room to complain after what I’ve put you through but can’t we at least talk about it first?” He pleaded, heart jumping out of his chest. 

“What is there to talk about, Spencer? You couldn’t come to me so you closed yourself off and found comfort in another woman- God knows how long this has been going on while I’ve been here pining after you like an idiot-“

“What?” He raised his hand, signalling you to pause your rambling.

“Don’t play dumb, I know you’ve been cheating on me.” You scoffed, determined not to fall victim to his gaslighting. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” His mournful expression was replaced by one of bewilderment. 

“I heard you last night on the phone to her. Who is she?” You cocked your head, a little smug over the fact that you’d caught him- what kind of a genius calls his mistress while his wife’s next door? 

To your surprise, Spencer broke out into a laugh, taking his head into his hands as he shook it in relief. “You got me, baby. You caught me.” He smiled dazedly. 

“I did, so I don’t know why you’re smiling.” You scowled.

“You caught me talking to my therapist.” He shot you an unimpressed glare. “I started seeing her 2 weeks ago and I didn’t want to tell you in case it didn’t work out. I didn’t want you getting your hopes up. But Jesus, baby. Divorce? That’s where you landed?” 

“It’s not just that!” You jumped to your own defence. “How do you explain all the late nights at work- and that conversation we had this morning about my career?”

“That’s what I was going to talk to you about today. I got you a job.” He stated. 

“Huh? Why?” You gawked, hesitant to believe anything he said. 

He took a deep breath, shuffling his chair a little closer and taking your hand. 

“Look, baby, I know you try your hardest to be a great wife. Too hard, if anything, and you’ve always been exceptional and far too good for me. As much as I love your dedication, you need to think about your own needs and prioritise those for a change. It’s no secret that you’ve been feeling unfulfilled for a while now, I can see it from a mile away. I should’ve addressed it sooner but, well, you know.”

“Spence?” You shook your head in uncertainty, wondering how you could’ve been so wrong.

“I should’ve never let you give your career up. I should’ve pushed you harder but I just loved having you at home all the time, it’s selfish, I know. My job is stressful but it gives me a sense of purpose, one I know you crave.” He explained, trying not to giggle at your awestruck face and your inability to form a single sentence. “What I’m saying is, I want to see you reignite that old passion you had. How would you feel about joining me in the BAU?” 

Nothing could’ve prepared you for his admission and tears of shock and immense relief began coursing down your face. “Spencer, I can’t believe this.”

“In hindsight, I should’ve talked to you about it first but I thought it might be a nice surprise- I’m an idiot, you don’t have to take it, of course, if you don’t want to.” He backtracked, suddenly aware of how flawed his plan was. 

“That’s the best news I’ve heard in a very long time.” You uttered softly. 

“R-really? You want to do it?” He raised his eyebrows in that adorably curious way of his. 

“I don’t know how you managed to figure out I wanted a job before I did, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Yes, I want to do it.” You nodded, too consumed with excitement to mull over your embarrassingly wrong assumptions.

“Now, it’s only a low-level position for the time being, just to ease you into the transition but you have the potential to-“

“I’ll be with you.” You smiled simply.

“Yes, for the most part. I thought it’d be a good way to spend more time together- not including the times when I’d have to fly out and can’t take you with me yet, although-“

“Spencer.” You interrupted him. “Thank you.” 

“Well, of course. Anything for you.” He squeezed your hands and you felt the anxiety throb away. “Can’t believe you thought I was cheating.”

“You gave me some major indicators!” You scrunched your face up awkwardly. “And my mother pointed out that-“

“Ah, there we go.” He sighed, unimpressed. “That woman has had it out for me for the better part of a decade.” 

“Sorry, baby, you know she has a talent for burrowing inside my head.” You confessed shyly, aware you should’ve known better. 

“I’m going to talk to her.” Spencer declared.

“Huh?” 

“First thing tomorrow, we’re going to her house and I’m throwing it all out there. After a decade of pent-up resentment, it’s time.” 

Spencer usually avoided your mother at all costs, electing to work overtime on weekends when she decided to visit and often coming down with mysterious ailments during the holidays that prevented him from attending her get-togethers.

“Can’t wait to see how that turns out.” You chuckled gleefully. “And therapy, baby? Wow. I’m so proud of you.” 

“I was sceptical at first but I think it’s helping- I’m learning to compartmentalise the issues and most importantly, not take them out on you.” He stared into your eyes and your breath hitched; even after so many years, he had a way of making you feel impossibly shy. 

“You sound like a new man, Mr Reid.” You teased, the wine floating around your bloodstream in a way that made you deliciously fuzzy.

“It’s all because of you, Mrs Reid.” A smirk tugged at his lips. 

“So we’re really okay?” You asked in disbelief, immeasurably relieved that the rollercoaster seemed to be at an end. “What now?”

“I’ll tell you.” He drawled in a softly seductive tone. “We’re going to order dinner and dessert, I’m going to get you a little too drunk.” He dropped his hand to your thigh, trailing up it as he spoke. “And then I’m going to take you home and fuck you.” 

“Oh.” You squeaked, breaking into tingles at the prospect. 

“That sound good, doll?” He kneaded your inner thigh and you felt your body go numb as words failed you. “I thought so.”

Seeing that the bottle on your table was glisteningly empty, Spencer beckoned over a waiter.

“Give me your most expensive wine.” He smirked while ordering. “We’re celebrating.”

Although he was a law-abiding federal agent, Spencer ran more than a few red lights that evening given the ravenous way his wife stared at him from the passenger seat, crawling out of her skin with the desire to touch him. As soon as he pulled into the driveway, you were both in a desperate rush to get inside. You clawed at Spencer’s shirt while he shakily tried to unlock the door, trembling with anticipation. 

“H-hang on, baby.” The sound of clinking keys mixed with his groans. “God…”

You left messy, wet kisses all down his neck as he finally pushed the door open, taking you into his arms and guiding you indoors. 

“Right- mm, here.” You whined between kisses, gesturing at the sofa as you kicked your heels off. 

“My desperate girl, can’t even wait long enough to get to the bedroom.” He teased as he pushed you down onto the couch, hooking onto the waistband of your tights with his bony fingers and slowly dragging them down your legs- leaving small kisses down your thighs and calves in the process. 

You let out impatient whimpers as he folded your dress up over itself and dragged down your panties.

“Were these your ‘I’m a strong woman’ divorce panties?” He chuckled as he yanked the tiny lace garment off your feet and threw it behind him. 

“I needed as much confidence as I could muster.” You pulled him closer by the tie for a heated kiss. “I was about to lose the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

“You could never lose me.” He stared into your eyes with a dizzying intensity that made all the blood rush to your heat. “You’re my wife…” He drawled huskily as he ripped the front panel of your dress open. “Until the day I die.” Looping his fingers around it, he tore the material further with a loud tug, leaving your bare tits bouncing out of the tight fabric. “You jump to conclusions like it’s a full-time job.” He pressed his lips against your hot skin. “But I love you.” You wanted to laugh but a moan escaped your lips instead when he wrapped his tongue around one nipple, grasping the other with a rough hand. “And my God, do you have the best tits I’ve ever seen.” 

You raked your fingers through his thick, messy hair as you squirmed beneath him, sure that if he made you wait any longer you’d start crying. 

“Patience, baby. You’ll get it.” He whispered, dragging his lips down your body and leaving goosebumps in his wake. He left sloppy, open-mouth kisses along your thighs, so near your heat you could feel his warm breath fanning it. 

“P-please, Spence, please.” You muttered, bucking your hips to close the distance between you.

“You know I always give my girl what she wants.” He breathed heavily, snaking his arms around your shaky hips and tugging you closer to drag his tongue across your clit. You melted into the sofa as he sucked on your most sensitive spot, locking you into an unescapable vice with his strong arms. 

“Mmh…” You threw your head back, still squirming as he ate you with such passion and hunger that you committed every godless detail to memory. His hair became increasingly dishevelled as you twisted it into messy knots, fidgeting with the curls as he licked broad stripes up your clit with fanatical force. 

“Fuck, fuck…” You grew delirious as he sped up, legs trembling from how good he was making you feel; you desperately pressed yourself further against his mouth, wanting to be devoured until there was nothing left. 

“Can-can I, please, can you- oh God.” You rambled nonsensically as he showed no sign of slowing down, worshipping you with his tongue until you felt like blacking out. He groaned in approval as he flitted across your wet slit aggressively, knowing it pushed you over the brink every time. It had been months since he’d had you wrapped around his neck like this, panting in that slutty way that drove him wild- and as much as he wanted to savour it, he couldn’t wait much longer to have you. As you pushed his head down, he sucked so sloppily that the sounds emanating were nothing short of pornographic.

“Spencer!” You moaned out sinfully while you came, gripping his shoulders with your thighs as you dissolved into a mushy, whiney mess. Your hips twitched as he pulled away from you, wiping the drool from his mouth with the sleeve of his collared shirt. 

“No need to yell, I’m right here.” He grinned, deriving great pleasure from seeing you fall apart. 

“Oh God, I’ve forgotten how good you are that.” You winced, trembling from the force of your release. 

“I’ll make sure you never forget again.” He smirked into the kiss as he pressed his lips against yours, barely giving you any time to come to as he ripped off the remnants of your dress. “Sorry about that, doll- I’ll buy you a new one.” 

“It was my divorce dress, I never would’ve worn it again.” You giggled as you helped him out of his shirt and unbuttoned his trousers, desperate to feel him inside you. Your back arched instinctively as soon as you felt the tip of his cock rubbing against your clit; your head rolled back as you felt him slide in teasingly slow, letting you feel every last inch as he spread you apart and scattered sensual kisses down your neck. An obscene moan left your lips when he buried himself as deep inside you as he could. 

“Spence, fuck, I don’t know if- ah.” You struggled to get the words out as he stared down at you with amusement. “Too big, I-“

“A few months without my dick and you’ve forgotten how to take it?” He jeers, a twisted smile radiating from him. “That’s no good at all, baby. We’re gonna have to teach you all over again.” 

You bit your lip to conceal the whimper that threatened to spill as you nodded obediently, hanging off his every word. 

“Breathe.” He pulled out by just an inch or two, ensuring you would barely notice before slowly pushing his hips forward and plunging himself to the hilt. 

His hair dangled over his forehead, the unruly locks almost tickling you as he hovered above you, waiting for you to adjust to his thick length. 

“Mm…” You peeped, looking at him coyly like butter wouldn’t melt. 

“Yeah?” He whispered, nudging his nose against yours before you nodded. With the thousands of times you’d made love, he knew the meaning of every subtle cue and whimper; he knew you were often too shy to speak so he let you get away with using your varying whines as a form of communication. His dirty talk overwhelmed you, leaving you flustered and speechless- and he knew just how much you loved it.  

Spencer pulled out half his length this time, grabbing you by the jaw to hold you lovingly as he thrusted in and out, making sure to look you in the eyes as his swollen cock massaged your walls. Ever the shy one, you tried averting eye contact and looking away from his intense glare but he gently guided you back with a firm hand. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he made love to you, your twisted eyebrows and parted lips too sweet to ignore.  

You cried out when his thrusts grew rougher, panting heavily as he fucked you even harder than you remembered. 

“You can take it, baby.” He cooed as he fucked you deep and slow. “I know you can.” He pulled out almost all the way before plunging his cock back in, coated in glistening arousal. “Deep breaths for me, doll.” He breathed with you, setting a tempo as you struggled to get anything but your whorish moans out.

“You like it when I stretch this little pussy out?” He groaned, wet flesh and skin smacking against hip bone. “Yeah you do.” He smirked as your cheeks flushed red at his lewd words. “How were you going to go through with a divorce? You can’t even tell me you like the way I fuck you.” 

“Spencer!” You gasped, partly at his vulgarity and partly at the way his tip just brushed against your deepest spot, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

“What, baby?” His hands trailed their way down to your hips as he sat up, gripping the handles of your body tightly as he fucked you onto himself. “We both know you could never find someone who fucks you this good again. Who pounds into your cunt exactly the way you need it.” Your jaw dropped at his crude words- he’d always had a penchant for making you flustered but it was clear that prison had made him even rougher around the edges. As much as you wanted to knock him down a peg, you couldn’t deny the truth to what he’d said; there was no upgrading after Spencer.

“You’re cockier than I remember.” You manage to breathe out, glassy eyes watering with overstimulation. 

“And you’re tighter than I remember.” He smirked maniacally as he started rubbing rough circles into your clit, not slowing down the way he was sorely pummelling into you. “Goddamn, angel, you take me so well.” He muttered under his breath as he observed the mouthwatering way in which your pussy swallowed his entire length, gushing with arousal as the wet smacking intensified. 

He swooped down to kiss you, swallowing your moans with his eager mouth as he pushed your knees against your chest. “You feel that?” He shuddered, guiding your hand to your stomach where his member was poking through the flesh, leaving an imprint.

“Uh huh.” You panted.

“You like having my cock this deep in your guts?” In an unexpected move, he pressed down on your lower stomach as you nodded to his question desperately. You screamed in blinding ecstasy as you reached your peak, the borderline cruel way in which Spencer continued pounding against your sweet spot proving too much to take. 

“Look at that, I got my answer.” He licked his lips at the sight of his cock glazed in creamy arousal as he pulled out with a groan. You lay motionless on the cushy sofa, limbs numb as you noticed the scowl Spencer was sporting on his chiselled face, small beads of sweat running down his temples. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He chuckled darkly. 

“Resting?” You upturned your eyebrows sweetly. 

Before you could protest, he dragged you down the sofa and turned you over, positioning you to arch your back and expose your throbbing pussy to him. 

“You think I’m going to let you get away with one round?” He spanked your ass with a firm, open palm. “I know you’ve been whining about this all the time to your friends. I know how desperate you’ve been for your husband to fuck you. Well, honey- I’ll give you something to talk about.” Before you could respond, he guided his veiny cock into your squishy walls, not giving you any time to adjust to the stretch as he pounded into you from the back. 

“Is this what you wanted?” He demanded as he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you up, holding your back flush against his body. “You wanted to be fucked like a whore? Answer me.” 

“Yes! Yes, Spence, I want it so bad, treat me like a slut.” You surprised yourself with your sinful words, the rough treatment prompting you to act out of character. He pushed you back onto the bed, holding you down as he drilled into you with dizzying speed. The couch squeaked with the force of your face getting pressed into the pillows as you panted so breathily you thought your heart might give out. You bit into the cushions as drool seeped freely from your mouth and wet the dark grey fabric. 

“Harder…” You murmured, barely audible.

“What was that?” Spencer asked in disbelief, slowing down a little to make your words out clearly. 

“Harder. I want you to fuck me to within an inch of my life.” You confessed sultrily and a dangerous smirk crept across your husband’s face. 

“Anything for you.” He was more than happy to comply with your request.

You spent all night tangled up in each other’s bodies, taking turns being mind numbingly rough and tooth achingly sweet. He whispered confessions of love in your ear one minute and he pinned you down hard enough to leave bruises the next. It was, without a doubt, the best night of your life.

Waking up the next day in Spencer’s arms gave you more euphoria than any drug ever could. He smelled of last night’s wine and sweat, intermingled with the floral detergent of your freshly washed sheets. 

“Good morning, baby.” He cooed when he saw your eyes flutter open. “Or rather, good afternoon. How’d you sleep?” 

“Never better.” Your husky voice replied. “But I don’t think I’ll be able to walk for a while.” 

“I guess I’ll have to carry you to your mother’s, then.” He chuckled, pulling you in closer so that your head rested on his smooth, bare chest. 

“What? You’re not still serious about doing that.” You looked up at him pleadingly. 

“Oh, yes I am.” He scolded playfully. “She convinced you I was having an affair and encouraged you to get a divorce. I’d say there’s a conversation to be had there.”

“You know, I really wish you weren’t so respectable sometimes.” You dreaded the prospect of such a confrontation. 

“There was nothing respectable about the way I was splitting you open last night.” He countered mischeviously and you rolled your eyes to distract from the blush creeping over your cheeks. “Come on, I’ll buy us breakfast on the way. Get dressed.” 

“But Spence!” You tried to argue but he had already climbed out of bed, humming showtunes on his way to the bathroom. With a hefty sigh, you swung your legs round the side of the bed and started searching for your underwear. 

“Are you sure? It’s not too late to turn around.” You twiddled your thumbs standing outside your mother’s house, her near-black wooden door looming over you as you waited for her to answer. 

“Yes. Stop being a wimp.” Spencer replied just before the door swung open.

“Oh. Hi darling.” She eyed you up before slowly turning her head. “Hello Spencer.” 

“There’s my favourite mother-in-law. We thought we’d surprise you with breakfast.” He lifted the brown paper bag containing drive through diner food. 

“As if I’d eat that.” She raised her eyebrows contemptously. 

“Come on, mom, are you gonna let us in or not?” You piped up after seeing she had no intentions of making things easy for Spencer. 

“Yes, fine, in you come.” She opened the door wide and stepped aside, letting you both enter her lavish home. 

“Love what you’ve done with the place.” He commented a little snarkily, noticing the extensive remodeling work that had been done.

“Oh yes, we did it last spring. I suppose you haven’t been round for years so you wouldn’t know. Are you avoiding me, Spencer?” She took a seat across from you both in the living room. 

“Me? Never. Just like you’d never convince my wife to get a divorce, right?” He quipped and your stomach twisted over how little it took them to start arguing- you’d only just walked in through the door. 

“I’ve only ever advocated for what’s best for her.” She stuck her nose up at her son-in-law. 

“And why are you so certain that’s not me?” He snapped, genuine curiousity tinging his voice. 

“You’re not good enough.” She replied with a resoluteness that must’ve hurt. 

“Why, mom? What’s so bad about Spence?” You asked. 

“He’s just not who you were supposed to end up with. You were not meant to give up your life to be a housewife to a mediocre man.” She answered simply, like she didn’t even have to think about it. 

“So you resent him because of my career choices?” You couldn’t help but laugh a little as she shrugged. “Mother, I chose to leave the field. He had nothing to do with it, he supported me-“

“Oh, I bet he did. Having a woman at home to cook and clean must’ve been too tempting of an offer to pass up.” She scratched at her right arm- a leftover habit from the nicotine patches she used years ago. She claimed she quit smoking but you suspected she’d be in dire need of a cigarette after this conversation. 

“That’s ridiculous-“

“She’s right.” Spencer interrupted you. “I was more than happy to have you at home. I preferred it, really. And I didn’t say a word even though I knew you were making a mistake, even though I knew it wouldn’t make you happy.” 

“See. The pipe cleaner admits it.” She scoffed and you shot her a venomous glare. “Not to mention what you’ve put her through this year.” 

“I know I haven’t by any means been a good husband, but I wouldn’t cheat and I’d never want a divorce. I’m trying to make things right.” He confessed earnestly. 

“How?” She scowled, clearly believing him to be beyond redemption. 

“He got me a job at the BAU.” You chimed in, wanting to see the smugness wiped off her face. 

“And I’m seeing a therapist.” Spencer continued. “I’m determined to be better.” 

She sat there in silence, incapable as always of expressing any remorse. 

“I love your daughter and I’m not going anywhere. I’d like it very much if we could somehow start over.” He shot her those puppy dog eyes of his and you sincerely believed if she didn’t give in, she must be the only woman in the world immune to his charms. 

“Alright. Alright, Spencer.” She sighed after a short contemplation. “If my little girl is happy, I suppose I have no choice.” 

“The bastard actually managed it.” You thought as you witnessed his beaming smile flood the room with light, his vibrancy so infectious you knew even your mother noticed. 

“Glad to hear it, mom.” He joked and she choked on the water she had begun to sip.

“Don’t push it.”

“Told you it’d all work out.” He said excitedly while he opened the car door for you, practically skipping out of your mother’s house. 

“I know, and she actually invited you round?!” You shook your head in disbelief as he started the engine and drove away from her gated residence. 

“Maybe we’ll make these trips a weekly habit.” He suggested, resting his hand soundly on your thigh. 

“Not every week. I need some alone with my handsome husband.” You gushed, admiring his perfect side profile. 

“You must have me confused with someone else, lady.” He chuckled as he switched on the radio. “Oh my God, baby! This song!” 

“No way, I haven’t heard this since, since-“

“That time in college.” He winked at you and you threw your head back in laughter, precious memories flooding your mind as the familiar pop tune hummed on. 

“Yeah. That was the first and last time we ever do it on a carnival pedal boat.” 

“Hey, never say never- I see a lake right over there.” He pointed out the window as you drove by.

“I don’t think so, buddy.” You slapped his arm playfully. “Those days are behind us, we’re old and boring now.”

“If this is boredom, sign me up for eternity.” A warm smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“God, I love you, Spencer Reid.” 

“I love you even more, Mrs Reid.”

[livinginshambles]

How much are we worth? | James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Word count: 5.8k

Summary: Sirius bets that James can't get a girl to go out with him. James pursues you and falls for you. You are hurt when you find out that you were just a bet, even more when you realise how little they bet on you.

Notes: A classic: Strangers to friends to lovers, Angst, Bet trope, Fluff and happy ending because yey, I believe in second chances :) Existence of a wardrobe that works like newt scamanders suitcase and SPeLLing Mistakes

Masterlist

_________________

In hindsight, you should've known.

"Have you maybe considered giving up on her?" Remus' question caught James off guard when he returned to the marauders at the Gryffindor table after another failed attempt and rejection by Lily.

"Not until she's given me a chance at least," James responded, eyes trained on Lily's retreating figure. "Besides, this chasing game is sort of our thing now."

The marauders nodded sceptically.

"Not particularly the dynamic I'd want to have with the person I fancy," Peter whispered, loud enough for everyone to hear. James shot him a look as if Peter had just committed the greatest betrayal of the century.

Sirius snorted out loud. "Dynamic my ass, yeah." He threw a piece of bread across the table in James' direction.

"He's stuck with Lily now because if he decides to chase some other poor girl and inevitably get rejected, it'll prove that James Potter just can't get some," he added, wearing a shit eating grin on his face.

James pulled a face at Sirius. "Oh please I can get girls. It's just that contrary to you, I actually show commitment to only one," he huffed.

Sirius shrugged. "You say that, but you've never even had a girlfriend. Been pining over Evans since first year. Besides, commitment or being stuck," he weighed his hands in the air. "Same same."

James rolled his eyes and got up. When he turned around, he crashed into someone who had been standing behind him, tripping her, and he sent her crashing into the Ravenclaw table behind him. The Ravenclaw sitting at that table ducked out of the way. She stuck her hands out to brace herself and loudly hissed when her hand ended up in someone's scalding soup.

"Godric, I am so sorry," James scrambled to offer her a napkin. She snatched it out of his hands and dried her hands. James saw that they were scorching red and more apologies stumbled out of his mouth.

"Let me help you get to madam Pomfrey," he offered, concern lacing his tone. He reached his hand out to her and she jerked away.

"Fuck off Potter, I'd rather take a bloody bath in boiling water than go anywhere with you." She spat, and left, hand pressed against her chest, covered by the napkin.

The commotion had everyone turn their heads at him and despite usually being a fan of being at the centre of attention, he embarrassedly sat down again.

"Guess really no girl wants to go anywhere with you, Prongs," Sirius snickered. James offered him a sour look.

"This was just because I literally burned her hand, Pads. Any other time, she would totally go out with me." James boasted, but guilt and concern for the girl who he didn't know, lingered in his mind.

"Right, you wanna bet?"

"The usual?"

"The usual."

They sealed the deal with a nod. Peter and Remus shared a look but they knew that was no use trying to tell them to stop it already. Remus thought back to the scowl on the girl's face and prayed that she would stay headstrong and reject James.

After all, Sirius and James were from wealthy families, so money has never actually played a role during these bets. It’s just the principle of it that counts and is the reason why they only ever bet one galleon. It meant someone would get hurt.

The scowl on your face disappeared with the cool relief of the running water from the girls bathroom on your hand, but the bitter feeling remained when your mind wandered to James Potter. You scoffed to yourself. Arrogant, self pretentious, blood boiling bully. Though never having been a victim of their pranks, you lost several friends to Beauxbatons because of the marauders’ cruelty.

You glanced at yourself in the mirror one last time and left for your Ancient Runes class where you walked to your designated seat next to Lily Evans. You two unsurprisingly got along. Though your personalities were nothing alike, you being rather reserved, you could both value each other’s calm presence and even ‘maturity’ to a certain degree.

She offered you a smile and you nodded at her in acknowledgement. “I’m embarrassed to ask this, but could I maybe share your book? I didn’t have time to pick it up after lunch.” Lily gave you a surprised look but quickly assured you that you could to which you offered her a small but grateful smile.

She opened her mouth to tell you something, when something else, or rather someone else, caught her attention. Before he even reached the table, she had already attempted to ward him off in a monotone voice. “Go away Potter, I’m not interested.”

“Not here for you, Lilypad,” he smugly said and stopped right next to you. Lily raised her eyebrows and looked at you with a concerned look. Without looking up from Lily’s book, you also repeated Lily’s words. “Fuck off Potter, I’m not interested either.”

“I haven’t even said anythi-“

“And I don’t want you to.”

“Okay, but here me out, I-“

“I. Don’t. Want. You. To,” you pronounced every word clearly.

“Come on, just listen-“

You turned around, an incredibly sour look on your face. James couldn’t help but admire you for a moment. You looked pretty, contorted face aside. Especially when you had smiled at Lily. It had caught him off guard.

“Can you spare me a second?” He tried again. For a second, he thought he saw a look of appreciation cross your face at his formulated words, but it was gone in a split second.

“No. Class is starting, get back to your seat Potter,” you dryly responded. You turned back to your book and James walked back to his friends.

James potter was determined though, you had to give him that. You abruptly turned on your heels, ready to walk in the opposite direction, even if it would mean a detour of about 8 minutes to your destination. You were really not into his crap today.

“Y/N!” James called out to you and chased you.

“I told you to call me by my last name. We're not friends, Potter. I don’t want to be. In fact, I don’t want anything to do with you. So, for Merlin’s sake, leave me alone, or I swear on his balls that I will hurt you.” You spat the last part out through gritted teeth and

James took a step back in surprise. He looked at you for a moment, carefully considering his next words. “L/N.” He settled on, voice quieter. When you didn’t immediately walk off, he took it as a sign to continue. “I was wondering if you would allow me to sit next to you during our free period between Transfiguration and Potions.”

You raised you eyebrows.

“My friends all took classes and there’s like a two hour gap and I like company, that’s all,” he hastily explained before you could go and reject him.

“What are you, six years old?” You sarcastically asked him. “Can’t spend what, two hours on your own?”

James’ eyes averted to the ground. “Just not enjoying being alone,” he mumbled, almost embarrassedly. You looked at him, great, now you were being an asshole yourself.

“You know the big old wardrobe in the abandoned classroom on the seventh floor?” you eventually asked. James’ eyes lit up and nodded.

“It’s bigger on the inside.” You said.

“A secret room?” He asked while trying to recall seeing an extra room on the map. You nodded. “Not even visible on your map because it’s not Hogwarts. A pocket dimension, Dumbledore said.”

James’ jaw fell slack. “You know about the map?” he whispered.

“You can join me there between classes next week if you want, but I can’t promise you that it’ll be any different to passing the time on your own.” You said, completely ignoring him. You stopped in front of the library. “A word about the wardrobe and I swear-“

“-on Merlin’s balls that you’ll hex me, yeah,” he waved you off with a triumphant smile.

“Witty, are you now.” You looked at him. A small smirk lingering on the corner of your lips. James heart skipped.

“Just one of the effects you have on me, darling,” he winked at you. “L/N,” he quickly corrected when your face fell into a scowl again.

“I’m not kidding though, this is my spot to get away from everything. I don’t feel like sharing it with people.” James felt flattered. So you would share it with him?

“I solemnly swear I won’t tell,” he assured you, a serious expression on his face. “You can trust me, L/N.” He cringed at his own words. Trust him? He was only talking to you to prove Sirius wrong.

“I’ll hold you to it, Potter,” you nodded and entered the library. The door closed and James slouched against the wall next to him. A giddy feeling fluttered in his stomach at the thought of hanging out with you.

“So what happened to rather bathing in boiling water than going anywhere with me,” James couldn’t help but arrogantly ask while trying to keep up with your ridiculously fast walking pace as you two were on your way to the wardrobe. “I’m not going anywhere with you, you’re going somewhere with me,” you denied, your eyes narrowed at him. James put his hands up in mock surrender. “Lead the way, L/N.”

“I am,” you deadpanned.

James sceptically looked at the oak wardrobe. He and his friends had rummaged through this room already. It included the wardrobe, but it had looked pretty normal.

“Doesn’t look very special,” he said while you were busy locking the door behind you. You made your way over to James and pushed him out of the way roughly. He gaped at you with an offended look on his face. “You know, being a bit more chivalrous wouldn’t hurt you,” he exclaimed.

You shrugged and opened the door. James stared in amazement as he realised that the inside was in fact bigger. He walked to the wall that the wardrobe was standing against and squeezed his hand between the wall and the wardrobe.

“Why are you so surprised?” you asked. “We literally learned about the Extension charm yesterday?”

“We did?”

Maybe hanging out with James Potter wasn’t as terrible as you had expected it to be and so, it became a routine. James had finally realised that his persistence to flirt with you or try to impress you wasn’t getting him anywhere and had opted to actually be considerate of you.

He respected you when you not so kindly told him to fuck off and was sitting next to you quietly while you studied between hours in the wardrobe. He had read the book that he’d seen you read in the courtyard- and was surprised to find himself interested in the story- so that he could talk to you about something when your demeanour told him that he could speak again. He stuck to calling you by your last name and learned to read your mood when he could joke around.

Most importantly, he’d learned to enjoy himself in a comfortable silence that didn’t require him to do or say anything and just let him be.

You two were laying on the couch again, feet propped up, both on opposite sides, but feet touching in the middle. James was admiring you. The way your eyebrows crunched up in a frown, eyes squinted, and lips mouthing the words you were reading.

“You’re careless with spelling, Potter.” You eventually looked up from correcting his assignment. “But that’s a brilliant essay.”

James beamed up at you, relief, pride and happiness all washing over him at once.

“Also, you have a nice handwriting,” you added after considering whether or not you should mention it.

James was now fully grinning, pushing himself to sit up from his relaxed position. “Two compliments?” he asked teasingly and you immediately huffed and looked away. “Don’t let it get to your head, Potter. It’s big as it is.”

“But you think I’m brilliant and that my handwriting is nice.” He repeated happily.

“Your essay was brilliant,” you attempted to correct him, but he seemed to be lost in happy thoughts. You looked at him. He had his arms up behand his neck because he had laid down again. He was grinning from ear to ear and his eyes squinted in delight and satisfaction. He looked so... harmless.

“You know,” you began and James looked up at you, propping himself up a little in curiosity at the fact that you were starting the conversation for the first time.

“I used to think you were the biggest asshole ever. Astoundingly stupid and good for nothing but hurting people.” You were looking up at the ceiling now and missed the way James eyes flashed with mixed feelings.

“I had a few friends, you know. They were great, but everyone called them boring and a stick in the mud.” You turned your head towards James. “You and the rest of the marauders used to tell us to “lighten up already,” and pranked us separately, one by one until all five moved schools.”

James looked down, feeling horrible and guilty. It was true that in his early years at Hogwarts, he and his friends had been going too far with pranks. That kind of stopped after that prank.

“So I’ve held a grudge against you, like any good friend would do,” you smiled to yourself at the thought of your friends. “I think maybe I no longer have to.” James heart melted at your confession. Over the course of weeks, he’d become desperate for your approval and friendship.

“You’ve changed since then,” you concluded out loud. “Not cruel anymore.” You hesitated for a moment.

“James?” You then asked and James looked up at you with wide eyes. He knew that this was the first time that you’d addressed him by his name instead of ‘Potter’.

“Yeah?”

“I really value our friendship,” you whispered. “It’s worth a lot to me.”

James heart both warmed and tightened. “It’s worth a lot to me too,” he whispered back.

“Where were you,” Remus asked when he returned to the Gryffindor common room. “We looked on the map, but we couldn’t find you.”

“And we couldn’t find Y/N either.” James fought the urge to correct them and say that they shouldn’t use your first name like that. That he had worked for your friendship to stop calling you by your last name.

“Do I owe you a galleon now?” Sirius popped up from behind him. “What? No,” James said, thinking of another subject to talk about, wanting to ignore the existence of the bet in the first place.

“I was hanging out with Y/N,” he admitted. “But because we're friends now.”

“Yeah, but where were you hanging out?” Peter asked. “Because we weren’t allowed to leave Hogwarts today.”

“Did you find another secret passage?” Sirius gasped and James immediately shook his head to deny it. “Oh come on, we’re your friends, you have to tell us!”

Remus watched James shift uncomfortably and tried to intervene. “Let him be, Padfoot.” Sirius wasn’t having it though, and when James said that he promised not to tell, he responded with, “What, you value your fake friendship with that stick-up-her-ass girl more than us?”

“It’s not a fake friendship,” he weakly fought back. “Don’t call her that.”

Sirius sighed. “I’m sorry Prongs. I didn’t mean to call her that, hell I don’t even know the girl, she’s probably alright. But you’re keeping secrets, it’s not fair.”

You stared in disbelief at the marauder who wasn’t James, having a hook-up in your wardrobe. When he noticed you in the entrance, Sirius merely held his hand up at you in a greeting. “Thanks for letting me borrow this, this is the best spot for not getting caught.”

You backed away and slammed the door shut. James.

“Potter!” you yelled at him when you saw him leave the Gryffindor chambers. Your face was contorted in anger and you were seething.

He looked up at you, happy feeling in his chest and he was itching to show you the paper behind his back.

You stabbed your finger in his chest, effectively wiping the happy grin on his face off. “You promised,” you hissed. James immediately knew what you were talking about. “I’m sorry, I had to tell him,” he tried to justify his actions and you scoffed. “Fuck you,” you spat and walked off.

James stood there, frozen and stared at the empty spot in front of him. His arms hung by his side and he looked down at his essay which wore a big ‘O’ mark and right next to it in Professor McGonagall’s handwriting, ‘Keep this brilliant work up, Mr. Potter.’

James was watching you, sulking. He had made such progress and now it felt as if all those baby steps were for nothing, instead taking eight long strides back. You had closed yourself off again and James was too intimidated by your glares every time he walked in your direction, so he would change directions last minute every time you burned a hole through his head with your eyes.

‘This is so stupid’ he thought to himself when his body automatically steered him away from you again. He mustered up all of his courage and headed straight for you. He would rather face your wrath head on than go back to being strangers. Especially when tomorrow was free period again.

“Is it okay if I talk to you for a moment?” he asked, nervous.

You scanned him up and down. Everything about him looked remorseful, from his posture to dull eyes to his tone when he asked you if he could have a word. You waved at him to take a seat next to you, and he gratefully took the opportunity.

“I’m sorry. I swore I wouldn’t tell and I did and I shouldn’t have. I would go back in time and stop past me from telling Sirius, but I can’t, but I also don’t want to lose you because I meant what I said. This friendship is worth so much to me.” James took a deep breath. “So please let me make amends?” he finished.

“Okay.”

James blinked. “Okay?” he dumbly repeated.

“That’s what I said.”

“Wait, so that’s it? No grovelling? No conditions?”

“Would you like me to add conditions?”

“I mean..” James stuttered. “Sure?”

“Fine. Consider this your second chance , even though it technically is your third after your horrid behaviour towards my friends. It’s also your last.” You said that last part sharply. “Do you accept those terms?”

James nodded in relief and agreed. It was only when he laid in bed at night that he realised that he should’ve probably gotten clean on the matter of the bet right when he had the chance. He was on his last chance after all. But it would be alright. He would simply call off the bet and then it would be as if nothing ever happened. No one had to know, no one had to get hurt.

He waited after Transfiguration and grinned at you when you made your way to him. He had really looked forward to spending time with you again at your spot. Even if the marauders knew its location now, too.

“Lead the way, Y/N.”

“I am,” you retorted with a hint of amusement in your voice. James grinned and followed you, only noticing after a while that you were walking around on the third floor instead of the seventh. “Did you find a new spot?” he curiously asked.

“Yes. And no.” James huffed at your vagueness, imploring you to explain. “Let’s just say that Dumbledore got himself off my blacklist.” You turned the corner and moved a portrait to the side. James knew of the passageway. It was moist in there and cold so it hadn’t interested him and his friends very much. But behind the door you just opened, stood your wardrobe.

He looked at it, amazed. “You got Dumbledore to move a wardrobe for you?” he asked incredulously. You slyly smiled but didn’t say anything except for “I did the cleaning myself.”

“So what’s going on with you and James,” Lily curiously asked you. You shrugged and brought your water bottle to your lips. “Kept bothering me into a friendship, I guess.”

Lily laughed. “Well, whatever keeps him away from me,” she joked and you let out an audible laugh. She leaned in towards you. “But if he’s no longer fighting for my attention, but yours, I think it might mean that he fancies you.”

You choked on your water. “Most certainly not!” You strictly assured her and composed yourself. Lily laughed. “No need to get so defensive over his feelings. You make it seem as if I suggested that you fancied him,” she said, chuckling. You turned your head away and she gasped. “Do you fancy him?”

“What’s with all this gossiping and boys talk,” you grumbled, unpleased. “But for the record, I don’t think so.” You stuck your nose up.

“You don’t think so?” Lily repeated. “What do you mean?”

“I gravely appreciate him and I feel very comforted in his presence. We’re friends. It doesn’t mean I fancy him.” You answered. “Besides, I’ve never fancied anyone. Not sure I know what it’s like.”

“Okay, how would you feel if he starts dating someone, right now?”

You pondered over the question for a bit. “I guess he can do whatever he wants, but don’t expect me to share our spot with some random girl,” you said, the last part coming out more bitter than you expected. Huh. ‘Did you fancy James Potter?’ you wondered.

“I fancy her,” James told his friends while they were out in Hogsmeade.

“L/N?” Peter asked. James nodded in affirmation. “Well damn Prongs,” Sirius started. “What happened?”

“Y/N and I are good, I think. We fit and it feels amazing. It seems surprising, but we can talk for hours or sit in silence together without it being weird at all. Everything is comfortable with her, in like the good way,” James struggled to express all his feelings about you.

Sirius whistled. “Almost envious of you, Prongs. What about Evans though?”

James shrugged. “Not the kind of dynamic I want.”

“So are you going to tell her?” Remus asked. James puffed his chest. “Of course. I’m not shy about my feelings. I publicly chased after Lily for years,” he reasoned. But despite his big words, he felt like a nervous wreck. Because what if you rejected him?

James found you in the library. “Is now a good time?” he asked. You sat up straight. Last night, you had done a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that yes, you fancied James Potter. “Yes, actually. I wanted to talk to you,” you replied. You got up and and started to gather your belongings. James grabbed your books for you and you left the library.

“I fancy you.”

James blinked. Were his ears deceiving him? Were you joking? Did you have a bet of your own going on with someone?

“I’m sorry?” he managed to get out, his voice an octave higher than usual.

“I fancy you,” you stated again. Matter of factly. “I came to the realisation yesterday and they do say honesty is the best policy.” James laughed softly at your sad attempt to lessen the awkward atmosphere.

“I actually wanted to talk to you to say the same thing,” he breathed out in a relieved manner. You stared at him in surprise. Okay. Definitely not what you expected.

“So you fancy me.” You repeated to make sure.

“And you fancy me.” James nodded.

“Do you want to go out with me?” you asked.

James’ heart leaped. He had spent so much time asking that question, he realised that how amazing it felt to hear the question directed at him. He grinned. “Glad you asked, darling. Yes, I’ll go out with you.” He reached out to you carefully wrapped an arm around you. You fully leaned into him in a hug and breathed him in.

“Think our relationship just went up in value.” You mumbled, your words slightly muffled by your face, hidden in his sweater.

You felt him laugh. “Well, we upgraded from friends to couple. How much are we worth now?”

You pretended to think about it. “We’re worth all the money in Gringotts bank.”

“That’s a lot of money,” he hummed.

You had taken James out on a date in the middle of the Gryffindor Quidditch stands at night, after curfew. James was the first to lean in and kiss you and when he did, he practically melted into you, your arms slung over his broad shoulders. He’d muttered something about how lucky he was and you’d told him that he better know it, before admitting that you felt the same way.

After you had left him several hickeys, scattered across his neck, he had insisted on returning the favour. He was only on his second when you two were interrupted by Filch, who had spotted you two. You two ran off to the third floor and decided to hide out in your wardrobe until he was gone all while continuing making out. You and James fell asleep in that position. You on your back on the couch, James draped over you like a weighted blanket with his face nuzzled in your throat, and your legs entangled.

Though very surprised at first, your fellow Hogwarts students quickly got used to the idea of you and James in a relationship. It wasn’t long before you were walking down the corridors together, James hand on your lower back and inching lower. You shot him a warning glare and he bit his check when he splayed his hand over your ass with a cheeky smile. You elbowed him in the ribs, earning a huff and let your hand rest on his ass in turn.

Everything was perfect, which is of course why everything had to become a disaster very quickly. James wasn’t even sure how such a perfect night had turned so horrible. One moment, you were partying, everything had been great, and he had been envisioning you and him for the rest of your lives, and the next, he was pleading with you through a locked door.

“Y/N, we can call you Y/N right?” Sirius had drunkenly slurred. You had rolled your eyes at his antics, but nodded. Though you would never admit it out loud, you appreciated the elder Black.

“I like you. We all like you and we’re happy that it’s you and not Evans anymore,” he mumbled on and he stumbled over his own feet, barely reacting in time to not drop to the floor.

You internally smiled at his words.

“I’m sorry that I was an asshole to you. You’re really great. If I had known, I wouldn’t have targeted your friend group for pranks or risked your feelings by making you part of a stupid bet.”

It was as if the world stopped spinning for a moment, music only barely in the background. “A bet?” you spoke in a dangerously low voice.

Sirius seemed to catch on to your change in demeanour and sobered up at an incredible rate. “Shit, no-“

But you had already turned around to find James, Sirius stumbling behind you to try and stop you.

“How much?” you spat out angrily when you found him. The music was luckily loud enough to hide your argument from other students.

James looked at you, confused. “How much?”

“How much are we worth?”

James frowned at you question. “All the money in Gringotts bank,” he calmly answered you and moved to embrace you, thinking you were just very drunk.

You pushed him away and he stumbled a few steps back.

“No,” you hoarsely responded. “That’s how much I think we’re worth. How much did you bet on me.”

James’ blood ran cold. “I-“ His words opened and closed like a fish. “Because the amount better have been fucking worth it, James,” you cut him off.

“Darling-“

You felt numb. “How little?”

“A galleon.”

You nodded and stepped back. “I was wrong,” you shakily breathed out. “You, James Potter, are still cruel.”

James chased you. “Wait, please,” he begged. You ran out of the room, towards the third floor and into the wardrobe hidden behind the door behind the portrait.

James followed you and pulled on the knob to open the wardrobe that you had locked. He sunk down against the doors and took a deep breath.

He had to explain. He had to let you know that you meant everything to him. And that everything was real. Honesty is the best policy after all, right?

“I’m sorry. Darling, I am so sorry. It’s so stupid how it happened. They were saying that I couldn’t get anyone to go out with me and then I accidentally hurt you with the soup incident, so Sirius bet with me that I couldn’t get anyone you to go out with me. I was never planning on hurting you, I swear,“ James rambled.

“I wanted to apologize and make up for your hand anyway. Not that it was out of pity or anything,” he immediately added.

“I did think you were beautiful. I did want to talk to you. And when you rejected me at first, yes, I did want to prove Sirius wrong. But then you were everything. I wanted so desperately to be friends with you because you were right. The bet was stupid, but it was never about money. It was never even about you per se, but I’m so fucking happy that it ended up being you, because I’m in love with you. Please believe me.”

You sucked in a breath at his words. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

James jumped at your voice from the other side of the door. “I wanted to, I really did. But I had already screwed up once and you weren’t going to give me anymore chances, so I thought that if I just never told you and called of the bet, pretending it never happened, I could keep you.” He leaned back against the door, eyes tightly shut. “And if we break up, then I don’t regret it, because the past months with you were perfect,” he whispered.

The door abruptly opened from inside out and he stumbled back, having leaned against it. He looked up at you, hovering above him. He knew you. He knew how to read you and right now, you needed space. “I’ll wait for you,” he said, hesitantly and left you alone.

You needed your friends right now.

When James didn’t see you the next day, he accepted that you didn’t want to see him. But by now, almost an entire week had passed and James and his friends were itching to apologize to you at least once more. He decided to ask Lily where you were and was absolutely not prepared for her answer.

“She went to Beauxbatons.” Lily pursed her lips at the boy in front of her in disdain. She knew what had happened but couldn’t help but pity him a little bit when he looked at her like that. Devastated.

James’ world stopped and for a moment he thought he couldn’t breathe. Did you leave? Had he managed to push you away to a whole different school? He thanked Lily for her answer and sat down at his own desk in a daze. His body moved on autopilot for the next few days. He was falling into a routine that he didn’t like.

During free periods, he hid out in the wardrobe, face up towards the ceiling as he imagined you were lying in his arms right then.

You had been gone for a week and a half and had returned to Hogwarts. Feeling lighter in your heart and decisive steps carrying you towards the Gryffindor Quidditch stands, right on time for the match.

You saw James and your heart jumped. He looked good. He had definitely looked better before, but all in all, he looked good. You bit your lip, suddenly insecure and doubting his promise to wait for you. Another twenty points for Gryffindor and admired James from the distance.

When you had arrived at Beauxbatons, you had wallowed in self pity for a day or two before your friends had pulled you out of it and reasoned with you. Surprisingly on James’ behalf.

You knew they were right. You were madly in love with James and he was undoubtedly madly in love with you too. Though it had all started off as a bet, how could you stay upset when it only brought you and James together.

James eyes scanned through the crowd, automatically trailing to the spot where you two had been sitting and kissed during your first date. He had to do a double take when he saw you in the crowds and almost fell off his broomstick when he rubbed his eyes with both hands to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

He started making his way towards you when his eyes locked onto the golden snitch. His eyes flickered between you and the snitch, but you had seen it too, so you flashed him a grin. His shoulders relaxed, and he started the chase.

“Darling?” James appeared in the doorway to the boy’s changing rooms.

“James,” you nodded. You were smiling at him, and your warm, inviting tone had him move forward until you were within reach.

“I’ve missed you so much, I thought I lost you.”

“Hm, you’re just lucky that I really really love you too.” You sassed back. James was in front of you in two big steps. “Yeah?” he asked a twinkle in his eye. “Just like that? No grovelling? No conditions?”

You kissed him. “Would you like me to include grovelling?” you laughed at him.

“Yeah actually. You see, I’ve already prepared at least eight different ways to make up to you.”

He pressed his lips to yours again.

“Get a room!” Sirius yelled and you shot him a sour look. He held up his hands in surrender, a shit eating grin still present on his face.

“Fine, but don’t expect your captain back for the celebratory party. He’s mine tonight,” you shot back.

“And every other night, I hope?” James coyly smiled at you. You shook your head in amusement and dragged him away, hand slipping to rest on his ass, his own hand finding its way to yours.

“Lead the way, Darling.”

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

Keeping a suspense file gives you superpowers

I'll be in TUCSON, AZ from November 8-10: I'm the GUEST OF HONOR at the TUSCON SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION.

Two decades ago, I was part of a group of nerds who got really interested in how each other managed to do what we did. The effort was kicked off by Danny O'Brien, who called it "Lifehacking" and I played a small role in getting that term popularized:

https://craphound.com/lifehacksetcon04.txt

While we were all devoted to sharing tips and tricks from our own lives, many of us converged on an outside expert, David Allen, and his bestselling book "Getting Things Done" (GTD, to those in the know):

https://gettingthingsdone.com/

GTD is a collection of relatively simple tactics for coping with, prioritizing, and organizing the things you want to do. Many of the methods relate to organizing your own projects, using a handful of context-based to-do lists (e.g. a list of things to do at the office, at home, while waiting in line, etc). These lists consist of simple tasks. Those tasks are, in turn, derived from another list, of "projects" – things that require more than one task, which can be anything from planning dinner to writing a novel to helping your kid apply to university.

The point of all this list-making isn't to do everything on the lists. While these lists do help you remember what to do next, what they're really good for is deciding what not to do – at all. The promise of GTD is that it will help you consciously choose not to do some of the things you set out to accomplish. This is in contrast to how most of us operate: we have a bunch of things we want to do, and we end up doing the things that are easiest, or at top of mind, even if they're not the most important things.

GTD recognizes that you can be very "productive" (in the sense of getting many things done) and still not do the things that you really wanted to do. You know what this is like: you finish a Sunday with an organized sock-drawer, all your pennies neatly rolled, the trash-can in your car emptied…and no work at all on that novel you're hoping to write.

You can't do everything, but you can control what you don't do, rather than just defaulting into completing a string of trivial, meaningless tasks and leaving the big stuff on the sidelines. Organizing your own tasks and projects is a hugely powerful habit, and one that's made a world of difference to my personal and professional life.

But while good to-do lists can take you very far in life, they have a hard limit: other people. Almost every ambitious thing you want to do involves someone else's contribution. Even the most solitary of projects can be derailed if your tax accountant misses a key email and you end up getting audited or paying a huge penalty.

That's where the other kind of GTD list comes in: the list of things you're waiting for from other people. I used to be assiduous in maintaining this list, but then the pandemic struck and no one was meeting any of their commitments, and I just gave up on it, and never went back…until about a month ago. Returning to these lists (they're sometimes called "suspense files") made me realize how many of the problems – some hugely consequential – in my life could have been avoided if I'd just gone back to this habit earlier.

My suspense file is literally just some lines partway down a text file that lives on my desktop called todo.txt that has all my to-dos as well. Here's some sample entries from my suspense file:

WAITING EMAIL Sean about ENSHITTIIFCATION manuscript deadline 10/24/24 WAITING EMAIL Russ about missing royalty statement 10/12/24 WAITING EMAIL Alice about Christmas vacation hotel 10/8/24 10/20/24 WAITING EMAIL Ted about Sacramento event 8/12/24 9/5/24 10/5/24 10/20/24

WAITING CALL LA County about mosquito abatement 10/25/24 WAITING CALL School attendance officer about London trip 10/18/24

WAITING MONEY EFF reimbusement for taxi to staff retreat $34.98 10/7/24

WAITING SHIPMENT New Neal Stephenson novel from Bookshop.org 10/23/24

This is as simple as things could possibly be! I literally just type "WAITING," then a space, then the category of thing I'm waiting for, then a few specifics, then the date. When I follow up on an item, I add the date of the followup to the end of the line. If I get some details that I might need to reference later (say, a tracking code for a shipment, or a date for an event I'm trying to organize), I'll add that, too, as it comes up. Creating a new entry on this list takes 10-25 seconds. When someone gets back to me, I just delete that line.

That is literally it.

Every day, or sometimes a couple of times a day, I will just run my eyes up and down this list and see if there's anything that's unreasonably overdue, and then I'll send a reminder or make a followup call. In the example above, you can see that I've been chasing Ted about Sacramento for months now (this is a fake entry – no plans to go to Sacto at the moment, sorry):

WAITING EMAIL Ted about Sacramento event 8/12/24 9/5/24 10/5/24 10/20/24

So now I've emailed Ted four times. Maybe my email's going to his spam, and so I could try emailing a friend of Ted and ask them to check whether he's getting my messages. But maybe Ted's trying to send me a message here – he's just not interested in doing the event after all. Or maybe Ted is available, but he's so snowed under that he's in danger of fumbling it, and I need to bring in some help if I want it to happen.

All of these are possibilities, and the fact that I'm tracking this means that I now get to make an active decision: cancel the gig or double down on making sure it happens. Without this list, the gig would just die by default, forgotten by both of us. Maybe that's OK, but I can't tell you how many times I've run into someone who said, "Dammit, I just remembered I was supposed to email you about getting that thing done and I dropped the ball. Shit! I really was looking forward to that. Is it too late now?" Often it is too late. Even if it's not, the work of picking up the pieces and starting over is much more than just following through on the original plan.

Restarting my suspense file made me realize how many of the (often expensive or painful) fumbles I've had since the pandemic were the result of me not noticing that someone else hadn't gotten back to me. In essence, a suspense file is a way for me to manage other people's to-do lists.

Let me unpack that. By "managing other people's to-do lists," I don't mean that I'm deciding for other people what they will and won't do (that would be both weird and gross). I mean that I'm making sure that if someone else fails to do something we were planning together, it's because they decided not to do it, not because they forgot. As GTD teaches us, the real point of a to-do list isn't just helping us remember what to do – it's helping us choose what we're not going to do.

This is not an imposition, it's a kindness. The point of a suspense file isn't to nag others into living up to their commitments, it's to form a network of support among collaborators where we all help one another make those conscious choices about what we're not going to do, rather than having the stuff we really value slip away because we forgot about it.

I have frequent collaborators whom I know to be incapable of juggling too many things at once, and my suspense file has helped me hone my sense of when it would be appropriate to ask them if they want to do something together and when to leave them be. The suspense file helps me dial in how much I rely on each person in my life (relying on someone isn't the same as valuing them – and indeed, one way to value someone is to only rely on them for things they're able to do, rather than putting them in a position of feeling bad for failing you).

Lifehacking gets a bad rap, and justifiably so. Many of the tips that traffick as "lifehacks" are trivial or stupid or both. What's more, too much lifehacking can paint you into a corner where you've hacked any flexibility out of your life:

https://locusmag.com/2017/11/cory-doctorow-how-to-do-everything-lifehacking-considered-harmful/

But ever since Danny coined the term "lifehack," back in 2004, I've been cultivating daily habits that have let me live the life I wanted to live, accomplishing the things I wanted to accomplish. I figured out how to turn daily writing into a habit and now I've written more than 30 books:

https://www.locusmag.com/Features/2009/01/cory-doctorow-writing-in-age-of.html

A daily habit of opening a huge, ever-tweaked collection of tabs has made me smarter about the news, helped me keep tabs on my friends, helped me find fraudsters who were trying to steal my identity, and ensured that all those Kickstarter rewards and other long-delayed, erratic shipments didn't slip through the cracks:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/25/today-in-tabs/#unfucked-rota

Daily habits are superpowers. Once something is a habit, you get it for free. GTD turns on decomposing big, daunting projects into bite-sized, trackable tasks. I have a bunch of spaces around the house – my office, my closet, the junk sheds down the side of the house, our tiki bar – that I used to clean out once or twice a year. Each one was all-day, sweaty, dirty job, and for most of the year, all of those spaces were a dusty, disorganized mess.

A month ago, I added a new daily task: spend five minutes cleaning one space. I did the bar first, and after two weeks, I'd taken down every tchotchke and bottle and polished it, reorganizing the undercounter spaces where things pile up:

https://www.flickr.com/search/?user_id=37996580417%40N01&sort=date-taken-desc&text=tiki+bar&view_all=1

Now I'm working through my office. Ever day, I'm dusting a bookshelf and combing through it for discards to stick in our Little Free Library. Takes less than five minutes most day, and I'll be done in about three weeks, when I'll move on to my closet, then the side of the house, and then back to the bar. A daily short break where I get away from my computer and make my living and working environments nicer is a wonderful habit to cultivate.

I'm 53 years old now. I was 33 when I started following Getting Things Done. In that time, I've gotten a lot done, but what's even more relevant is that I didn't get a ton of things done – things that I consciously chose not to abandon. Figuring out what you want to do, and then keeping it on track – in manageable, healthy, daily rhythms that bring along the other people you rely on – may not be the whole secret to a fulfilled life, but it's certainly a part of it.

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/26/one-weird-trick/#todo.txt

[occamstfs]

To The Ground Floor

Heyo- Saw this next picture and just had to use it so here’s a businessman to dumb sub twunk TF! 

If anyone wants to suggest a prompt for my 1K follower post here’s the link- https://forms.gle/NE66kaH4KJxkhgPk9

Probably be wrapping it up/posting a poll soon! -Occam

I don’t know what my company was thinking when they scheduled our conference in Tenerife. It would be one thing if it was a retreat or team vacation, but it is nearly impossible to get any real work done with all these tourists stomping around and getting in my way. I was set to make it early to our morning meeting, as I always do, before this twat forced his way in before I could get to the close door button. He surely noticed since he glared at me before returning to focus on the only thing that seems to matter to him, his vanity.

In retrospect I should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn’t help but scoff as he started to take a picture of his reflection in the door. It was immature, but when dealing with this crowd of influencers or whatever these childish twits has put me off my usually stoic demeanor. He immediately responded with aggression, “You laughin’ mate? You lot all think you’re so much better than us eh?” He scowls once more at me and to his credit, I do think myself superior to him. Not afraid to say it either.

I open my mouth to shoot some clever insult at him but before I can the delinquent fully spits at me! Where does he get off! The elevator chimes as it stops at the sixth floor. I grab my handkerchief to wipe the spit off my dress shoes as I hear him run off, shouting “you’ll get yours ya git!” I look up to see the small of his back showing beneath his trailing coat and mesh top. I can’t help but stare as he runs, asshole he may be but, god, he is hot isn’t he?

I cough as I can’t believe I thought that! He’s absolute filth! Parading himself around dressed like that on a work day, my word! I don’t notice that there is no longer a handkerchief in my hand as I reach to wipe the spit off my shoes with my now empty hand. As I finally wrest my eyes from his pert body I notice that the villain pushed every button in the elevator. So help me god if I’m late to my meeting I will find him and- well, there’s not much I can do. I’m not exactly the peak specimen, unlike, uh him I suppose.

The doors click closed and begin to take me to the fifth floor. I consider hopping off to take the stairs but I’m sure he’ll be there waiting for me. I go to check my rolex when I notice I’m not wearing it? I would never go to a meeting without it though? My mind grows foggy as I thoughtlessly wipe the spit still on my hand on my suit. God it’s a little warm in this elevator isn’t it. I sniff the air and find that it still smells of that jerk. His cologne must’ve been something intense.

I continue to whiff the air before realizing that it is clearly not perfume but his natural body odor, blushing as I grow slightly jealous at his scent. I find my mind drifting as I think what a man he must be to smell so, mm. The only word I can think is, virile? Ugh, I need to get to work, this is going to set me back. The doors clink open to the fifth floor as the heat only continues to grow. Why am I wearing such a thick suit jacket anyway? It is so fucking hot on this island. I absolutely hate it here. I’ll just take it off for the rest of the elevator ride. Yeah, that couldn’t hurt right? My eyes glaze over as I think of his coat trailing off his head as he ran down the hallway and I bite my lip.

God that hot fucker. My jacket falls to the floor and before I can catch it it’s as if it was never there. I grunt as I think once more of my upcoming meeting. Surely they won’t judge right? My mind shuffles as I don’t even try to understand what has happened to my jacket. The fogginess in my head swiftly finds a form though as I see his smug smirk in my mind. Fuck I- I need to fuck him, or be fucked or? I grunt once more, my voice noticeably more dull. I try to fan my shirt open as the heat grows worse and I find myself growing hornier by the second. The elevator is already on the way to the fourth floor without my notice. I give up fanning my shirt and instead just open the buttons when I am suddenly met with something I cannot reconcile. When the fuck did I get, such, fuckable pecs? I press a finger into my own chest and start to drool as I see the depth of my muscle. I see my brown nipples grow and try to wipe the pooling drool from my mouth as I think how much my body looks like that uh, that twit? No that uh, that hot fucker?  I feel like I’m losing my mind. Or, losing myself? Uh..

The doors open and close on floor four as I struggle to think of absolutely anything but that, uh, stud. My own chest jutting out forces me to think of his own hearty pecs. The powerful curves of his body stretching his fishnet top, ugh. I see the biceps now on my own arms and struggle to not flex them thinking of that staring at himself in the elevator’s reflective wall and posing. I stare at the abs pushing out of my torso and think of his cinched waist peeking out from those sagging pants. God why didn’t I just try to fuck him then oohh.. Or no, Why didn’t I give myself to him..I moan as I loosen my belt, trying to allow my growing erection some air, instead giving my cock and ass more space to expand.

God his fuckable ass was impossible to miss even through those jeans. I bite my lip once more trying to stop myself from moaning as the doors open to the third floor. No one is there to see or hear me as my pants drop to the floor and disappear as if they were never there. As if I would wear pleated pants ever I think blushing. My cock begins to grow to fill my boxers. Or no hee hee- Surely I’m not wearing boxers right haha, giggling as I look down and see the clear imprint of my erection in my tight spandex. Mikey would never let me wear something so unattractive as boxers~

I feel an itch in my crotch as I think of Mikey once more, not hesitating to wonder how I could possibly know his name. Nor why he brings me such intense, feelings. It’s just, I’m so lucky to have him! Ah- I might lose control if I keep thinking about him, I need to keep it together for my uh, meeting? I shove my hand into my crotch to deal with whatever that itch is when I find it’s not my still growing cock, but a jungle of pubes that have begun to grow down there. I feel my fingers drag through them, now covered in sweat as the pubes begin to push themselves above my waistline. 

I giggle to myself as I see the thick black hair inch its way to create a perfect treasure trail up my stomach. I’ve gotta keep it looking good for Mikey after all! I play with the lengthening hair in my crotch, giggling to myself, as the elevator makes its landing on the second floor. I raise my sweaty hand to smell it as some prude stares in disbelief in the elevator lobby. I smile coily at him as he narrows his eyes in shock. He almost looks a little familiar but I’d certainly not waste any of my time on him haha!

He decides not to get on for some reason, not that I care as I look at my sharpening reflection. I play with my chest feeling the ebb and flow of my strength as I start to smell my own scent fill the elevator. I notice my feet are now bare on the dirty elevator’s floor. Ah, I hope Mikey won’t be upset if my feet are gross, smiling to myself as I think of him chewing me out. I feel a similar forest begin to grow in my pits as the elevator stops unceremoniously on the first floor before making its way to the ground floor.

I rub my hands all over on my now almost completely unclothed body as I feel my spandex shrink and tighten into a yellow speedo. My hands glide smoothly around the muscular curves, only ever getting caught on my tangled pubes as I giggle to myself. Wasn’t there something I had to do when I got to the ground floor? I raise my arm to bask in my scent as the elevator finally delivers me to my destination, and who could be standing there but Mikey!

“Mikey!” I shout at him! He looks so happy to see me, before responding, “well you’re looking great aren’t ya love.” He pushes and prods me as if he’s inspecting me as I proudly stand there giving him the doe eyes he demands. He smirks as he pulls me out of the elevator and plants his lips on mine. I can barely help but come right there as I feel my cock stretch at my speedo. I moan but keep it together, feeling his pursed lips grow into a smirk before he pulls away and laughs. 

I tilt my head at him before he speaks once more, “you remember what you’re supposed to be doing right now right, pet?” My face grows warm with blush, surely betraying my cluelessness as I struggle to remember. I had a meeting or? No, Haha As if! I, I could never work a stupid office job~ I try to look as coy as possible, inviting him to jog my memory. His eyes grow dark, not from aggression, but a hunger welling within him as he answers, “I need ya to get those posh wankers and bring them to me eh, doll? Need to them to submit yeh?”

My smile grows wide as my mind fills with excitement for this task. I’m gonna be so good and Mikey will be so proud of me! None of those boring businessmen will be able to resist me hehe! I begin to make my way out to the beach looking for any salarymen looking especially susceptible to my charms. I strut around, my body on display to everyone, monkeysuit suckers and other horny tourists alike. As if any of them have something more important going on hee hee! Soon they’ll all realize there is nothing more important than pleasuring Mikey!

[annwrites]

⸻ one in the same. part four. ⸻

· pairing: otto hightower x bastardtargfem!reader · type: part of a series · summary: you & otto have a brief interaction after breaking your fast, which sends you retreating to your chambers & once again further inside yourself. he comes to you that evening when you fail to do so with him, so as to try & get you to eat. instead, the two of you have an argument & an ugly truth is shared. · word count: 2,243

You lean over his shoulder, squinting at the bit of parchment in his hand.

His rolls his eyes toward the ceiling. "Do you mind?"

You rest a forearm atop his shoulder, leaning in even closer. "Not particularly."

"Well, I do," he states, turning his head infinitesimally to the left, toward you, his hair brushing against the top of your arm.

"You're the one who insists on sharing all our meals together. It's been over a sennight, so you should be accustomed to my irritating presence by now."

"I had expected you to act with a modicum of respect toward me when we are in one another's company. You don't behave in such a manner anywhere else but when we are alone. If you do not—"

You point to a word you can't quite make out, interrupting him. "What's that?"

He bites back a groan of irritation. "I am beginning to regret this arrangement."

You glare at the back of his head. "I'm perfectly content to leave."

He nods to the chair across from him, on the opposite side of the desk. "Sit."

"You never answered."

He feels his patience growing shorter by the second. "Craghas. It is a name for one of the admirals of the Triarchy. Now, would you please—"

You swiftly walk around, seating yourself, crossing your legs and folding your hands overtop your knee while looking at him with a faux smile.

He shakes his head, setting the scroll aside, then grabbing a fresh sheet of parchment and a quill.

You watch silently as he begins to write. "Your room is a disaster."

He shakes his head slowly. "As you have informed me time and again."

You glance to his made bed. "Did you not sleep last night?"

He doesn't respond.

You frown.

You would never admit as much to him, but it saddens you to think of him staying up all night worrying, working, stressing about this important matter, or that one. You cannot explain why, however.

Mayhaps it is because, for over the last week, you've begun to see past the stony exterior he showcases to the rest of the Keep—the Seven Kingdoms as a whole—and have thus learned more of his true nature.

He cares. Deeply. About a great many things. He just...does not know how best to show it. He certainly does not talk about it: that which troubles him.

Men.

As if you are much different...

"If...you want to talk—"

He dips his quill. "I do not." Then, "You are distracting me."

You quickly crumple a sheet of parchment into a ball and toss it at his face.

He sets his materials down then, glaring at you. "You will either behave yourself, or I will instruct you how."

"I doubt it."

"Young Lady—" He begins, tone quite stern, a hand being rested flat upon the surface before him.

"Gods-forbid I show any amount of concern for you in return," you say, studying your hands in your lap.

He stills, merely staring at you across the way, before leaning back, resting his arms on either side of himself. "You needn't."

You roll your eyes.

He returns to his work, leaning forward. "We have broken our fast. You are free to leave, Y/N."

You glance up to him, suddenly feeling hurt.

You stand silently then, walking to the door of his room and he watches you go.

As you walk quietly back to your chambers, its with tears stinging your eyes, which only causes you to feel frustrated with yourself.

The truth is, that you are trying. Trying to forgive. Trying to...connect. Even if it is only through shared playful banter.

The harder truth is, is that you do not know how to be like the rest of the court. Like Rhaenyra, your father, Otto, Princess Rhaenys, Lady Alicent, and all the rest.

You have always felt as if you are on the outside looking in, merely pretending as if you belong. To think he mayhaps enjoyed you in his company even slightly... Stupid girl.

You had told yourself from that first night that his concern was not about you at all. Had told yourself he did not truly care. But, for the last sennight, you had allowed yourself to begin believing otherwise.

It's just that you are so...lonely. You've been desperate for so long to have someone to spend your time with, but you fear none will have you, so you instead sequester yourself away in your chambers, the library, down among the shoreline where he had found you that day.

And none seem to care that that is how you opt to spend your time. Then again, why should they, when their own is so much more valuable. When they are in general.

What're you in comparison? A bastard, base-born girl. The daughter of a dead prostitute.

Your chin wobbles.

You miss them both so much. Your birth mother, as well as Aemma.

You've never felt so adrift.

You do not rise for lunch. Instead, you sleep.

Nor do you get up for supper—sending your handmaid away when she attempts to rouse you—preferring the peace of slumber instead of the niceties of dining with a monster of a man who cares for naught else but himself.

A deep voice bellows through the darkness.

"Get up."

You pull the blankets tighter, squeezing your eyes shut.

There is a frustrated sigh. "Indolence is most unbecoming for a lady of your station."

"Get out," you whisper, refusing to so much as open your eyes.

"You have not eaten since this morn. So, you will either rise or—"

You begin to slowly sit up then, your hair in tangles, only dressed in your shift as you stare up at him from under your lashes with a loathsome glare.

"I'm not hungry. I want to sleep."

Just then, servants enter the room, placing cloches upon your dining table, as well as glasses, and a decanter of wine, before leaving just as quickly as they had come.

You look back to Otto, watching as he walks over to a cushioned seat which has a shawl draped across the back and he retrieves it.

He returns, wrapping it around your shoulders. "You may rest once you have supped. Come."

He offers you his hand and you glance to it momentarily before finally standing, padding across the room and seating yourself at the dining table, merely staring at the dishes set before you, wholly uninterested in even discovering what is beneath each lid.

Otto seats himself near you, lifting each of them, inviting scents wafting into the air, but you do not move.

"Eat," he commands gently.

"I don't want to." You are quickly tiring of being ordered about by him.

He grinds his jaw. "This pouting is quickly growing tiresome. Perhaps—"

You pick up a glass, standing then, and chuck it against a wall, watching as it shatters before you look back at Otto, who displays no reaction to your violent outburst.

He sighs wearily.

And then your chin wobbles.

"Now they'll have to pick it up," you say, shaking your head. You drop your shawl to the floor, walking over to the mess you've created and Otto stands then.

"My Lady, leave it for the servants."

You bend down.

"Y/N, you will cut your—"

"Ow," you mutter, dropping a shard of glass, blood now dripping from your hand.

He quickly comes over to you, kneeling with a groan.

You go to reach for it again, until his large hand firmly takes your own within it. "Stop this at once."

You look to him with tears shimmering in your eyes. "I caused this. I should be the one responsible for cleaning it."

He nods toward the table. "Sit. I will take care of it, then see to your wound."

You consider him for only a moment, then do as you're told.

Once the mess has been tended to, Otto pours water into a basin across the room, then carries it, along with a hand-towel, back to the table.

He takes your hand within his own, gingerly wiping blood from what turns out to be no more than a small cut on your palm.

Your eyes sting with tears. "I want you to leave."

It does not phase him. "I shall have a servant retrieve clean cloth for—"

You wrench your hand away from his. "Go!"

He sits straight then. "Once you have finished your supper." A pause. "That is our agreement."

You ball your hand into a fist, fresh blood seeping forth. "Yes, I am aware. Once we have finished dining, we can then be rid of one another. You have made that plain."

A muscle in his jaw feathers, his eyes slowly closing for only a brief moment before he looks at you again. He had hurt your feelings.

He is surprised in this. Had been even more-so that you had remained in his room—his company—well after the two of you had finished eating. It was beginning to become a habit of yours; staying at his side, even when not dining.

He'd thought, at first, that, perhaps, it had been your way of trying to get out of this arrangement. Thinking if you managed to vex him day after day, he would eventually give in and give up.

Instead, he now realizes you had done it simply to spend time with him.

It is not as if you have many others to do so with.

None at all, really.

One in the same, indeed.

He reaches forward, gently taking your hand again in his. "Forgive me, Y/N. It was not my intentions to—"

You interrupt him yet again. "I know very-well of your intentions, Ser," you say with vehemence. "I know you would rather see me dead. But, as I am the King's daughter, I must, instead, be kept alive in my cage, ready to be auctioned off to the highest bidder when I finally come to be of use. That is my value to you. To him. To—"

He flinches at the accusation—to wish for your death—a grievous implication to make. "You have misjudged me, Y/N."

"Have I?" You say, laughing without humor. "I think I see you for exactly who you are. A man must be capable of a certain degree of...of... Manipulation and...having a silver tongue to retain such a position of authority over all the Realm. I know you once tried diligently to council him against it: having me legitimized. I am shocked you did not try to persuade him to not have me claimed at all. I know you would prefer my having never been born."

You think him a monster. He supposes, though, that is the very thing he has always been to you all your life.

From the outside, at the very least.

What if he finally told you, then? Measure after measure he has taken to ensure your safety. He then thinks of further courses of action he has performed over the years to assure your solitude as well.

He had caused this: your current state of melancholy. He has himself alone to blame for it.

"I hate you," you state, trying to pull away, but his grip remains firm.

"Y/N, that is quite enough. Let me make a few things clear to you. I have never desired to see you cold and lifeless. That is the very reason I am here now. It has nothing to do with the prospect of handing you off to a lord, so he may take you to wife and be pleased with what he is given. I do it for you. You, who has—"

"You care naught for anyone but yourself."

He raises a brow, temper nearly at its limit. "Is that what you think?"

You raise your chin in defiance. "That is what I know."

He squeezes your hand painfully. "You think you know so much, do you? Tell me then, what was the reason for the change of guard outside your door so many moons ago?"

You clench your jaw for a moment. "Another spy set in place by yourself, I'm sure."

He leans in closer. "Guess. Again."

You stare at him, brows slightly furrowing.

"I had him executed. Ser Alen. He was overheard making crude comments about the same young woman he had been sworn to protect. Mercy was not even a consideration of mine when I had his tongue cut out before then taking his head."

Your eyes grow wide. What...what had he done? He'd had him murdered, simply for a few offensive words? You are surprised he had not used the opportunity to his advantage—instead paying the young man handsomely to make vile accusations against you, or even offering you to him for a wife, since he had been so clearly interested.

You open your mouth. "I—" You shut it.

He speaks again, eyes dark. "There is no measure I will not take to ensure your well-being. My Lady."

He leans back, releasing you. "Though, I suppose I was the one who needed chastened for abhorrent behavior toward yourself for all these years. Perhaps..." He looks away then, staring into the fire.

You remain silent. Heart pounding, feeling faintly nauseous. You'd never known him at all.

He sighs. "Perhaps I saw you as mine alone to torment."

[themusingsofacurlyhairednerd]

Stay

Author's Note: My period started, I had some feelings, wrote some established relationship fluff/smut; enjoy!

Content Warnings: Rhys uses his daemati powers for a quickie (because he absolutely WOULD and you cannot change my mind on that)

------

It was a mistake to go back to work this soon. My whole body aches, the newly accepted mating bond pulling on my bones like it’s a living thing crawling around beneath my skin. I can’t escape the searing heat of it, not even with the office windows thrown open, the dark lace curtains billowing in the soft autumn breeze. I should be cold enough to wear the sweater I’d stolen off the armchair this morning, but it sits draped over my desk chair instead. 

Rhys had been called back to the Hewn City two weeks before we were scheduled to return from our retreat. Or as he was so affectionately calling it “The Mating Bond Sex Romp of the Century”. We were supposed to have a whole month to ease into newly mated bliss; the extra time was supposed to help with the chafing and general irritation that would come when we inevitably had to separate and return to civilization. And of course Keir had gone and fucked that up for us. We’d flown in last night, and Rhys was gone before dawn this morning. The empty Townhouse was going to drive me insane and training with Cass and Az would have driven Rhys insane, so my only solution was to come into work and handle two weeks worth of paperwork. There’s certainly enough to keep me occupied for the day, except I can’t think straight! The words in front of me blur, the meaning of them nonsensical. I shouldn’t be here! I should be tangled up with my mate; the only thought in my head should be how much deeper I can take him. 

I lean back in my chair, palms pressing into my eyes with a groan of frustration. Stupid fucking Kier! The only sounds I should be hearing right now are my mate’s as I run my lips over his chest, tracing tattoo and muscle and that dark little patch of hair that leads me down…

“Well isn’t this a pretty little thought to walk into.” Even his mental voice is enough to make the bond shiver in delight and I throw down my shields with abandon to let him in further.

“Come here and I’ll make it more than a thought,” I return. We are beyond pretense and formality now. I want-need-him. My body feels like it might burst into flame if his hands are not roving every inch of my skin. I knew the bond would be intense, but not to this degree. I could live or die with just his touch alone.

Night chilled shadows swirl around our shared mental ground like a cat brushing up against its owner. The gesture alone makes me slump down into the seat and sigh. “All worked up, aren’t we?” He purrs, but his voice is strained. 

“I’ll rip Keir’s throat out for this. We were supposed to have more time.” I snarl.

The longer my shields are down, the better my mental view of him becomes, until it looks as if the two of us are standing on an adamant bridge, surrounded by endless starlight. Like this he has free reign to all of me, mind and soul; a brush of his fingers and he can walk into any memory he wants, a flick of his wrist and he can take complete control of my body and I’d be powerless to stop him. We are equals and he makes sure I never forget it, but like this, when there is no damper on his power, when he doesn’t have to hide behind a courtly mask, all his power untampered and wild--there are few things I love more. I love him like this. I love being able to surrender to the power of him, yield my own and let him take control so that I do not have to think beyond the pleasure he’s capable of ringing out of my body.

He reaches out and brushes his fingers over my cheek and I could scream under the heat that flares through my physical body. It’s not quite the touch I want, but it’s enough to make my blood sing.

“I know, love, and I’m sorry.”

I turn my head and press my lips into his palm, catching his wrist so I can keep him right where I need him. “Please,” I whisper, because even here in this space I can’t shake the desperation that claws its way up my throat. “Just for a few minutes. I need you.”

A growl sounds in the back of his throat as he leans in and crashes his lips against mine. It’s a flurry of tongue and teeth, his free hand threading into my hair and I drop his wrist in favor of tossing an arm around his neck. There are too many clothes between us, even here, and I claw unabashedly at his shirt until he gets the hint and magics it away.

There is no feeling like the warmth of his skin against mine. Only when we’re chest to chest, my own top disappearing, does the fire in my veins finally turn from painful to pleasurable. I am warm everywhere he touches, no longer consumed by this insistent ache. I sigh contentedly as I nip at his lower lip.

“Better?” He asks as he slides an arm beneath my ass and lifts me so I can wrap my legs around his waist. My back hits the handrails of our shared mental bridge, the cold stone biting into my flushed skin. 

“A little,” I say as I press soft kisses along his mouth and chin.

He rocks his hips against my still clothed center, the friction so heady it makes me toss my head back and moan, giving him the perfect access to nip and suck at my throat. “I only have a couple minutes, we’ll have to make this quick.”

I don’t want quick. I want that slow rhythm we’d found that first night in the cabin, his hips slowly rocking into mine, his cock dragging through my dripping folds, my nails clawing at his shoulders as he drew moan after moan out of me, until I had begged him to finish inside me. I want the lazy roll of his hips as he holds me against the mattress, taking his time, teasingly nipping at my throat as he tells me how pretty I look around his cock, as he drags out every stroke and thrust until there is not a single thought in my head but him. But the burning beneath my skin is returning, and I can feel the pull of his duties in the back of his mind as if it’s calling to me instead. This is all the time we have right now, I will have to take it.

The rest of our clothes disappear in a rush and he slides right into me, all the way down to the hilt and I let myself scream into the endless darkness of our bond. 

He presses his nose into my neck, where it meets my shoulder as he lets me adjust. Not that I truly need to here, but the gentleness of the motion, how concerned he always is for my well being, makes me want him even more. “I’ll make it up to you tonight. I promise.”

I pull him in for another searing kiss, my hands tangling in the silky strands of his hair. “Make it up to me a couple times?”

He slides almost completely out of me before thrusting back in, stealing the air from my lungs in a rush. “As many as you’d like, Darling.”

With the way I feel right now, I don’t think any amount will truly satiate me. I think I may just need him like this for the rest of my immortal existence. 

Pleasure licks up my spine as he speeds up his movements, the stones at my back biting into my skin, keeping me grounded for a few seconds longer. His hands squeeze at my ass, kneading my tender flesh as the motion spreads me open a little more for him. 

“Fuck,” he hisses into my neck. The stars overhead spin and swirl like a glittering storm, darkness leaking off his shoulders as his wings threaten to appear. I rock my hips into his, matching his pace with a swirling motion I know drives him crazy. “Maybe I really should just kill Kier.”

The sound that comes out of me as he hits a spot inside me that makes the bridge shake as my mental grip on the psychic plain slips is more moan than laugh.

“Then I could fly right home and take you like this against every surface in the house.”

I clench so tight around him at the thought that he growls and sinks his teeth into my shoulder in retaliation and I let my head fall back further to grant him more access to me. I want his mark everywhere, to the point no collar of the sweaters I’ve stolen from him can hide them. 

“If you’re asking my permission,” I bite out through a gasp as his fingers slide between my legs, teasing at my clit, pushing me closer and closer to that glorious edge. “You have it.”

His thrusts grow sloppy as his speed increases, his own release barreling towards him as I slide a hand out of his hair and down between the valley of his shoulders. I’ll leave my own marks tonight, so everyone knows he is as much mine as I am his. If his wings were to make an appearance, then this would be where I would trace the thin membrane until I find that spot that drives him crazy. But he’d never bring them out for a quickie, they are too sacred for that. I will settle for his shoulders for now.

My chest brushes his as I gasp for breath, so close to the edge I can feel it in every nerve ending in my body. The bond between us glows warm and bright, filling up every bit of me as he hits that sweet little spot inside me. My eyes screw shut, thigh muscles tightening around his hips as he hits it again and again and again.

“Love you,” he murmurs in my ear. “Love you so much.”

One last thrust and I’m gone, his own release chasing mine as I whimper out his name. 

From somewhere outside of us I hear a male voice call his name, demanding to know if he’s listening. 

Rhys grumbles nonsensically into my neck as he holds me for a moment, my body trembling as it comes down from its high. This is the first time all day I feel like I can breathe and I cling to his shoulders for a moment, begging for more time.

“Better, love?”

I press my lips to the underside of his jaw. “If I say no, will you stay?”

From somewhere outside of me I hear a knock, probably the company’s billing department wanting those expense reports I was attempting to work on earlier. Seems the real world needs things from both of us, regardless of our wishes.

My heart sinks in my chest as I slowly unwind my legs from my mate’s waist and touch solid ground. He is High Lord and despite his protests, I hadn’t been ready to let go of my job, even with a title of my own to deal with, this was territory we would have to deal with eventually, even if we’d had the month we were supposed to.

I stretch up on my toes to kiss him again, gently this time, but there is no less fervor in his response than before. Perhaps that pulling beneath my skin was not just my own need, but his, calling to me from across Velaris. 

“I love you,” I say as that knock rattles the bridge, our mental grip slipping as reality beckons, louder and louder. “I can grab dinner on my way home.”

He steals another kiss like it’s his last meal. “As long as I still get you for dessert.”

And then he’s gone, nothing more than a star flecked shadow curled in the corner of my mind as reality comes crashing back in for both of us. 

I try not to fidget at the uncomfortable wetness between my legs as I straighten the papers on my desk and tell the incessant knocker to come in. I won’t be doing anyone any favors if I start dishing out the same judgment my mate is on Kier here in the office. 

“You got those papers for me?”

I leaf through the stack on the desk, using a bit of magic to hide the glaring scent of my arousal. I just have to make it a couple more hours. Then, Rhys is all mine, and I’ll have to find some creative ways to keep him in our bed until the bond finally settles.

If it ever settles.

[penny00dreadful]

STWG Prompt: Chill/Give In

Double prompt day! A happy whoopsident!

“Just talk to him. Be chill about it.”

“‘Be chill about it?’ Seriously, Robin?” Steve bit at the skin on the side of his thumb but pulled his hand away when all he could taste was kerosene.

He looked out across the field towards Dustin and Eddie, chasing after each other, playing at battle with their shields.

He could feel his heartbeat in his sides through the bites and on his back and arms where he was dragged over the lake bed but that pain didn’t compare to the near constant fucking heartache he felt every time he looked in Eddie’s direction.

“Steve-”

“Didn’t you just give me a whole speech about how our love lives don’t matter right now because the world might be ending?” He cut her off, a little petulant.

“No,” Robin said firmly. “I said my love life. Because there’s nothing there, there’s no hope. But you-”

“You don’t know that, Vickie could-”

“Steve.” Robin said, almost as if she was begging him. “Please. Go talk to him.”

He had to admit defeat at that, nodding to her and trying not to feel too much about her small sigh of relief as he stood and started to make his way across the field.

Eddie and Dustin were posturing to each other, acting out their victorious return, knights coming back from battle successful.

They both had matching smiles on their faces, those dimples cutting into Eddie’s cheeks and his eyes bright and alight with laughter.

When Steve came to a stop in front of them, arms folded over his chest and they both turned to him, Eddie’s bright eyes turned hard and his mouth fell into a frown while Dustin just looked up at Steve expectantly, still smiling.

“Can I talk to you?” Steve asked, sparing a glance at Eddie’s face and nearly withering under the glare he was sent.

“Can’t imagine we’d have anything to talk about, Harrington.” Eddie turned his back and crouched down, picking back up the hammer and starting to whack nails through the shield again, with far too much force.

“Eddie.” Steve tightened his arms around himself. “Please?”

There was silence between the three of them for a breath, Dustin’s eyes darting from one to the other before Eddie slammed his hammer back down and straightened up.

“Have it your way, then. You always do.” Without a backwards glance, he stormed off towards the tree line, leaving Steve behind feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.

“What’s going on?” Dustin asked, watching Eddie’s retreating form. “He looks like he might try to kill you.”

“If he does, I’d probably deserve it.” He patted Dustin on the shoulder as he passed, following Eddie into the forest.

Steve found him, still scowling, leaned up against a tree a few feet in, trying to blow up Steve’s head with his mind.

Steve could only stare at him for a moment, trying to figure out how to start, not daring to close the distance in between them.

“Talk.” Eddie snapped.

He opened and closed his mouth, eventually figuring it was best to start with his apology.

“I’m sorry.”

He was met with an eye roll and a scoff.

“Oh, now you’re sorry?”

“Yes.” He answered back, firm and resolute. “I’m sorry. I’ve always been sorry.”

“Right.” Eddie nodded, condescending. “And what part are you sorry for, exactly? Or are you just sorry it even happened in the first place?”

Steve huffed to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying his best to keep his emotions from cresting. He’d been so raw for weeks and it was so much worse now, having to face it head on.

“I never wanted to hurt you-”

“Hurt me? Hurt me?” Eddie exploded, out of nowhere. “You didn’t fucking hurt me, Harrington. You eviscerated me. You tore my fucking heart out, and what’s worse, is that you knew you were doing it. I could see it on your face! I can see it right now!” He took a few steps forward, jabbing Steve hard in the chest. “You didn’t even give me a god damned reason and now, because the world is about to fucking end you decide you need to get me off your conscience?”

“No! That’s not what this is-”

“Then what is it!”

“It’s this whole fucking situation!” Steve threw his hands out to the side. “It’s this fucking apocalypse and people fucking dying and getting hurt and I couldn’t have it be you! Not you. Never you.”

“Never me, never me. Story of my fucking life. What could never be me, huh?” He snapped. “Could never be permanent? Could never be what you need? Can’t be your fucking breeder for your all American dream, is that it? No? Then make some fucking sense, would you?”

“It’s not that, jesus, did you listen to anything I said the whole fucking time we were- It wasn’t about my white picket fence fucking dream that I would still be happy to have with you-!” He shook his head, he was getting off track. “I always knew this supernatural shit wasn’t over, Eddie. They said it was done. Hopper died, the Byers moved themselves and El away, they said it was done. But never fucking is. And I couldn’t stand the idea of you being hurt by it.”

Eddie paused, his big brown eyes darting between Steve’s own, searching, gears in his head clicking, until Steve could see the moment the puzzle pieces slotted into place.

“This is why you went missing for a couple of days? This is why you turned up at the trailer looking like you’d been fucking tortured after the mall burned down?”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed, the fight leaving him. “And I knew it was going to happen again. I’d already gotten Robin and Erica mixed up in the shit, I couldn’t have it happen to you too.”

Eddie was no longer glaring at him but he didn’t look happy either. 

He looked disappointed. 

Disappointed and hurt.

“So, what?” He asked, taking a step back and crossing his arms. “Instead of talking to me about it, you just decided to break up with me?”

“Eddie,” He reached out to him but Eddie took a step back. Steve felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart all over again. “I didn’t ‘just decide’ anything-”

“But you did! You did! You decided for me. You made the decision for me. You didn’t even give me the option- You didn’t tell me what was going on-”

“I couldn’t! There were NDA’s and government agents-”

“Oh fuck off, Steve.” Eddie snapped. “Like you ever gave a shit about what some suits said to you.”

“This is different, this is getting black bagged and never seen again type of shit-”

“Look me in the eye. You look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never broken one of those NDA’s or told one of those agents to shove it up their ass. Go on.” Eddie stepped closer again but it definitely wasn’t an invitation to reach out, it was a challenge. 

Steve looked Eddie in the eye. 

He could lie. 

He could say he always followed those NDA’s to the letter. 

He could say he had never bitched out those agents along with Joyce to declare Hopper a hero and not brush him under the rug like they tried to do with Barb, making him some crooked, power hungry, drugged up cop who ‘went missing’ after he was last seen standing at the quarry’s edge. 

But he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t lie to Eddie, not anymore.

Eddie wilted. His eyes went from hard and defiant down to soft, sad and resigned.

“I thought so.” He said, quiet and vindicated, though he sounded the opposite of happy to be so. “You made decisions for me Steve. You took my agency away. No one gets to do that. Not my father, not Wayne and not you.”

“Eddie.” He said, his voice cracking. “I just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Well look around you, sweetheart.” He replied, opening his arms and gesturing around. “What a great job you did.”

Eddie shoulder-checked Steve hard as he passed, making his way out of the forest without looking back.

When Steve finally reappeared at Robin’s side, his eyes red and puffy and his throat raw, she silently took his hand and tugged him in close.

“Nancy.” Steve snapped, grabbing Dustin by the shoulders and wrenching him away. “Get him out of here.”

He threw Dustin into her arms, not letting himself care about the pain he’d probably just caused, he couldn’t. He couldn’t lose focus, there was too much blood and he had to do something. 

“Robin, with me.” But he needn’t have even said it. Robin was already kneeling down by Eddie’s side, checking his breathing, looking for a pulse while Steve started to rifle through the pockets and pouches on his War Zone vest, pulling out bandages and gauze.

They wouldn’t do much, but hopefully it would be enough until they could get him somewhere safer. 

Safer and cleaner.

It had to be enough for that.

It had to be.

Steve couldn’t lose him. 

He handed some of the bandages off to Robin who had moved down to work on his stomach while Steve wrapped up his neck.

“Baby?” Steve couldn’t help but put a hand on Eddie’s cheek. 

His uninjured cheek, because jesus christ the bats practically bit the whole way through on the other side.

“Eddie, can you hear me? Please, baby?” He begged. “Come back to me.”

His heart was in his throat and he was in the middle of trying to shove it the fuck back down because he needed to concentrate when Eddie’s eyes fluttered.

“S’vie?”

“Yeah.” Steve exhaled in relief. “Yeah, it’s me baby. I’m here, you’re gonna be okay.”

Eddie didn’t say anything else, just groaned in pain when Robin cruelly tightened the bandages, but it had to be done.

His eyes fluttered closed again and he didn’t move, save for the small rise and fall of his chest that Steve watched like a fucking hawk.

When he positioned himself in between Eddie’s legs with his back to him, gesturing for Robin to lift Eddie up so he could drag his arms over his shoulders, she paused for a second, giving him a look.

“Your injuries-”

“Birdie, please.”

“Okay, okay. Shit.”

She grabbed Eddie tight under the arms and though she struggled with his dead weight, eventually the two of them were able to manoeuvre him in such a way so he was draped over Steve’s back.

He would have expected a whimper of pain or a shout or something but Eddie was deathly silent, his breaths coming in short sharp rattles.

“Go ahead,” He said to Robin, starting the long and painful trek back to the trailer. “Get the portal ready for me.”

She didn’t hesitate, just nodded and ran.

Steve tightened his arms and grit his teeth.

One foot in front of the other.

“Don't do this to me, baby.” He panted. “Don't go.”

Each step was like a fresh knife through his sides, the raw wounds on his back screamed at him and his vision was starting to swim but he refused, he refused to give in.

There was a small moan in his ear and he could feel Eddie’s eyelashes brushing against his neck as he blinked his eyes open.

“What day s'it?” He slurred, breath hot against Steve’s skin.

“It's-” Steve inhaled, feeling like he couldn’t get a proper lungful, “Thursday.”

“T'm'rrow's date night.” His voice was so quiet, so thin that Steve could barely hear it. He wanted to tell him to stop talking, to conserve his energy but at the same time, talking meant alive.

“Yeah.” Steve huffed. “Yeah, it is, so just-” He stumbled, nearly falling to his knees but managing to catch himself, “Just hang on a little-”

“Dn't know if… if 'm gonna make it.”

“Don't-” he breathed, each pass of air through his lungs getting more and more painful. He was just at the trailer steps now and he could see a figure coming back through the portal from behind the door.

“M'sorry.”

“Eds, don't apologise.” He tried to soothe, everything within him screaming as he lifted a leg to go up the steps. He’d never make it. He’d never be able to carry him up, but he had to try. “Just stay awake, please baby. Please.”

Eddie didn’t respond, but there were still those small puffs of air against Steve’s neck.

The trailer door burst open, Robin and Nancy rushing down the steps to take Eddie’s weight. 

For one delirious moment he held on tighter, he didn’t want to let him go, didn’t want him out of his sight, but he came to his senses quickly, letting the girls drag him up the stairs.

Robin looked back at him torn but Steve waved her off.

“Get him through, Birdie!” He said from his position, holding himself up on the bannister.

Robin glared at him. “God fucking damn it, Steve!” 

But she turned and started to drag Eddie inside because she was his fucking soulmate, god damn it and best fucking friend.

The ascent up and into the trailer was slow. 

By the time he made it to the makeshift stairs they had created up to the portal, the girls and Eddie were already through and Robin was on her way back to him. 

“Evie, come on!” Robin begged, tears in her eyes, reaching a hand out to him.

His vision was starting to darken around the edges, but he was able to grasp at her fingers.

With one last push, he felt gravity shift around him and then everything went black.

“-ere are you going?! We need… hospital!”

“My mom… nurse training until-”

“-some fucking suburban housewife-”

“-don’t know shit-!”

“-innocent-”

“Don’t let your father-”

When Steve blinked his eyes open, he was in the last place he expected to be, back in the Wheelers basement, lying on a bundle of blankets on the ground, Robin curled up next to him asleep and Karen Wheeler’s pink pumps disappearing up the stairs.

He was right next to the couch and looking up, he saw an arm hanging over the side, a familiar spattering of bats inked down his forearm and a messy shock of brown curls just barely visible.

He could already feel consciousness leaving him again, but with the last of his strength he lifted his own arm up, grasping Eddie’s hand in his and squeezing.

All of the tension, apprehension, fear, heartbreak and grief left his body when he felt Eddie squeeze back.

So this fic (because it turned into a fucking oneshot) is actually a bit of background I had imagined for an upcoming future fic that I had never planned to write, but was in my head for later context for the story. Eventually, once that fic has been uploaded (it will be, it's one of my 1st Year Anniversary Event fics), I will upload this lil oneshot to AO3 seperately.

[kazusys]

— him with you.

you and xiao argue. the aftermath mixed with some jealousy, near death, and a talk helps fix things. / hurt to comfort / cw: arguing, near death (not detailed), mentions of headaches and stuff / other: you’re dating, it’s implied that xiao spends a lot of time with lumine. obviously, you are not the traveler. (❕) a/n: wrote this after reading a lotta xiao angst :( i love lumine dw but i needed someone for the object of jealousy 😔 not proofread

pair(s): xiao x reader

wc: ~1.1k words

the wind whistled past your ears as the lantern in your hands seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment, as was your heart waiting for your beloved to arrive.

you even selected a secluded spot— almost perfect— knowing that xiao didn’t like the crowds.

if only the night two days ago never happened.

it was an argument, a small spark that flared into a raging blaze of words never taken back, unable to and blocked off by pride.

you felt your hands shiver. was this it?

your eyes trailed over to the people readying their lanterns, over to the hills and over to a specific faraway duo standing together, two lanterns held between them.

for some reason, your vision starts blurring and you have the urge to go closer, not in sight, but closer— prove yourself wrong.

but deep down, you knew who they were.

they fit next to each other nicely, more so than you could ever see with you and xiao. xiao and lumine. it’s her, it’s always been her, hasn’t it?

“hasn’t it?”

“what are you talking about?”

“it’s her. it’s always been her.”

“this is why mortals are so aggravating. you’re straying from our original topic of conversation.”

and the sudden thought leaves you almost paralyzed. “i’m not good enough. but she is. she can make him happier than i ever could.”

and you leave. all the accusations on both ends, all the daggers left in a sharper state than ever, every single thing he downgraded you on and every insecurity you spilled out with malice in your voice, all left unresolved as you both ignored the problems and each other.

as he stands with the renowned traveler, the beauty and gem of a person, who wasn’t you.

it wasn’t the first time.

retreating away from their figures as quietly as you can, you return to the spot you were at before.

as you watch all the lanterns float up into the air, especially those two’s, you send yours up too as the rest of you goes down.

and the only sound you process is the sound of your sobs and the tears watering the grass beneath you.

the next few days are dulled and robotic. painful sunny days going on and on despite the turmoil you feel, like the world shifted but no one notices except you and those who share the same feelings you harbor. you don’t feel like much. you don’t call xiao a single time. why would you? he’s probably busy…

…with…

…lumine.

and she deserves it. you can’t hate her.

you view the beings in the distance that you were tasked with on killing. you know that this’ll be harder than usual. everything is. with everything going on and your lack of sleep mulling over the said events, maybe fighting and continuing on with your line of work isn’t the best choice.

but it’s the only thing that can take your mind off of everything. at least, that’s what you think, until that everything invades your mind as you take down one of the abyss mages. you stumble at the thoughts, your legs trembling as you threaten to sink to the ground.

you don’t want to do this anymore. you can’t move.

and with your frozen stance, one of them strikes you away, and yet you can’t find yourself doing anything.

you don’t have the energy. you don’t have the motivation. nothing seems to matter anymore, and all that can fill your head are the thoughts that if someone else had replaced you on this job, she would’ve never had this problem.

she.

the last thing you can recall is a gust of wind and him in front of you.

you wake up in your shared room with xiao with a throbbing headache. everything rushes in, making the pulsing of your head turn into a mallet bashing it in.

there’s a note beside you in xiao’s handwriting with some sort of mint smelling substance, to help with the pain in your head. he wrote, “we’ll talk when you feel better. i love you. i’m sorry. -xiao”

you feel a part of you mend together with those simple words.

a few minutes later, he appears. you greet him with a small smile, only to be greeted back with a, “why didn’t you call me?”

you avert your eyes and look down at your blankets. “i just… figured…” your original reasoning sounded petty in your head, now that you were rested and less clouded.

“i told you to say my name whenever you are in trouble. so why didn’t you?” he said after a few moments of silence.

“i thought you wouldn’t come.”

he knelt down to your level. “that’s foolish. why wouldn’t i?”

you inhale, feeling tears build in your eyes as your lungs start to burn. “i… it’s everything— the argument, the way we didn’t talk for days after, how i saw you with lumine at the festival— i didn’t think you’d come because i thought you didn’t care anymore… i-i thought…”

you catch your breath as you measly try to wipe away your falling tears.

“i thought you fell out of love.”

you risk a glance at him, seeing his bewildered expression before hugging you tight.

your eyes widened as you felt his own tears fall with yours.

“i’m so sorry. i never should’ve… i never…” you hear him sniff, “i love you. i should’ve realized, i— i should’ve given you more of my time and fixed everything during the lantern rite, i shouldn’t have gone and— and made it worse.” his small sobs in between his words breaks your heart after it mends from what he’s spilling. but it’s a different break. a break that makes you want to hold him forever and never be the cause of his sad tears, ever again.

“xiao…”

“i’m a horrible lover. why did i say all those things? i… i’m sorry, i’m sorry… i love you so, so much, please don’t… please don’t end things with me, i still need you.” his voice breaks with his last few words as you sob together.

“i-i love you too, we both— we both said some things and i should’ve trusted you more— and— can i kiss you, please?”

he immediately presses his lips against yours, realizing just how much he missed the feeling and fit of you with him.

you two would talk more later when you both are more in your right headspace and can be more comprehensible, but for now…you both hold the other, crying and throwing “i love you”’s at each other as you relish in the vulnerability and the person you both missed most.

©️kazusys — 24/12/24; do not plagiarize/steal, repost, translate, and/or claim any of my works as your own.

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Hi! 🤍

I absolutely adore reading every single one of your Kinktober fics, and I'd love to send in a request for Loki Laufeyson! I adore the way you write him (and your writing in general), so I'm looking forward to what magic you'll create with these prompts!

Pulling them closer by the collar of their shirt or their belt. + Interlocking your fingers above your head while making out passionately.

As you can see, I'd love to be kissed senseless by our beloved God of Mischief, so I'm leaving this in your capable hands to make my fantasies come to life.

Thank you for spoiling us all with your amazing stories, I'm more than happy to see all the other stories you'll share, both within Kinktober and outside of it! 🤍

Your hero

A/N: I’m always happy to see you in my inbox, my darling! Thank YOU for being the sweetest and I hope you enjoy my take on these prompts :)

Pairing: Loki x F! Reader

Warning: 18+ little angst, kissing.

🍁🍂 Kinktober 2024 🍂🍁

.

“Go away, Loki.”

“Not when you’re upset, I won’t.”

You scoffed from the other side of the door, shaking your head as you paced along your living room. Your annoyingly perfect-looking demi-God seemed to have made up his mind about going on a potentially life-threatening mission, and had decided it was best to keep that information from you.

“Open the door, my darling.”

His voice was pleading enough to tug at your heartstrings, destroying your resolve with every passing minute, but you were plenty mad at Loki to crumble easily.

“If you’d just allow me a moment to explain myse—”

“Explain what? Huh? That you’re going on a self-sacrificing mission? Or that you thought I wasn’t important enough to know about it?” You yelled, voice cracking in the end without your permission.

“Just tell me if the roles were reversed, would you have let me go?”

“Never.”

Loki placed a hand against the wooden door that separated you,

On cue, tears began falling down your cheeks as you sniffed.

Loki’s heart broke at the sound, making it impossible not to use his magic to walk through the walls that led him inside.

A moment and a flash of green later he was met with the sight of you retreated against the sofa, knees drawn to your chest as you cried.

He so desperately wanted to gather you in his arms and comfort you, but he knew better than that. For now, Loki would have to resort to words.

“Darling, please look at me.”

As your sniffles died down, you sat up, wiping your tears sloppily with the sleeves of your sweater to find Loki kneeling before you. His ocean eyes held the same pain that yours did, mixed with all the love he felt for you and an apology.

You remained quiet as he explained his reasons for going on that mission. While his chances of returning were slim, he promised you he would make his way back home, to you. It was to make you feel better, you knew that. But you understood his reasons too, and you couldn’t be selfish.

“I think I liked you better when you were the bad guy.”

You chuckled through your tears, finally reaching out to grab him by his collar to pull him in for a kiss.

Responding immediately, Loki pulled you impossibly closer while taking a seat and welcoming you in his lap. His slender fingers carded themselves through your hair, caressing you as his lips parted to deepen the kiss.

“I can’t lose you, Loki..”

“I only wanted to be the hero you always saw in me, my little love.”

Overwhelmed with emotion, a few stray tears escaped down your cheeks, not reaching further because Loki was quick to kiss them away.

It felt like you kissed for ages, neither wanting to part from the other. But you did, only to rest your foreheads together to catch your breath.

Your eyes remained closed as you breathed him in, wanting to save this memory for posterity, of him holding you close, your hearts beating as one.

“I want you, Loki. Please..”

You whispered, leaning in for a kiss but he stopped you, only to lift you in his arms and carry you to your bedroom.

In mere moments, you were laid against your pillows, soft kisses turned fervent and full of passion as Loki’s dominant side took control.

Discarding your clothes, he trailed his fingers down your side leaving shivers in their wake; up again to interlock them with yours above your head, completely at his mercy.

He managed to silence your racing thoughts with his reassuring touch, every searing kiss reminding you that he was still the centre of your universe, and he was still here, with you.

As time ticked by, fleeting as it was, Loki made sure to remind you who you belonged to, he made sure every word uttered conveyed how much you meant to him, every touch well mapped in his mind, every last kiss meant to be etched forever.

[starstruckmiraclekitty]

OOOOOO what about pregnant reader x 141

So the reader and their partner is checking the ultrasound for the first time and while their seeing the baby on the monitor the doctor says "omg" and they both worry then the doctor says "There's a second heartbeat! You're having twins!"

And the reader and their partner is just shocked (and the reader is freaking out)

and u can add more if u wantt teehe i luv ur series with this 😭😭😭

Hehehe I got a few requests for this one🫡🙈 it's a little short, but I hope you all enjoy!!

141 + König's Reactions To You Being Pregnant With Twins

Warnings: swearing, angst if you squint, fluff

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simon Ghost Riley-

You and Simon had been together for a few years before you'd found out you were pregnant. You were scared out of your mind, and so was Simon. Kids were never really a serious discussion for the two of you, so when you'd told him you were expecting, he was shocked.

After a few serious conversations, you both decided to have the baby, and the two of you began to grow excited. Simon was still rather nervous and grew rather jittery the closer your due date got.

Simon was finally home on leave to be able to come to one of your ultrasounds, and you were over the moon he was able to join you.

You laid back onto the exam table, flinching slightly as the cold ultrasound jelly was splayed out on your belly. You gripped Simon's hand tightly as you glanced over to the monitor.

"Alright, Mr. And Mrs. Riley looks to be all good do far." The doctor said as she watched the screen closely.

You looked to Simon to find him watching the screen in awe, a small smile forming on his lips. You felt warmth spread throughout your body before the doctor spoke up again. "Oh. Oh, wait a minute."

"Is everything okay?" Simon asked, his brows furrowed in concern.

"It.. it appears you guys are having twins!" She beamed, pointing to the screen estatically.

You followed her finger and did, in fact, see that there was not one, but two babies there. Your jaw fell silently as you gawked at the screen.

"....twins?" Simon's mind was going a mile a minute.

You looked to Simon, to find a bewildered look on his face. He was in pure shock.

The doctor gave a warm smile before leaving the two of you to have a private moment together.

"Simon." You turned to your husband, hand shaking slightly. You were nervous he was going to retreat back in his shell. "I'm.. I don't know what to-."

Simon silenced you with a swift but soft kiss to your lips. "This is wonderful, love."

You felt tears pooling in your eyes as you pulled back to look at him. "Really? You mean it?"

Simon stood, pulling your face in his chest as he peppered kisses to your head. "I do. Our little family is growing bigger by the second."

Simon watched as your attention returned back to the screen, a wide smile forming on your face. Simon felt his own lips forming a smile as he watched on. Twins may not be such a bad thing after all. If it meant having one more person being brought into this world that resembled the woman he loved, he'd have as many kids as possible.

Johnny Soap MacTavish-

Johnny was rubbing at your belly soothingly as you awaited the doctor in the exam room you were in for your routine ultrasound, and this was the first Johnny was able to attend. Though he couldn't make it to most of the appointments, he was beyond supportive of you throughout the duration of your pregnancy.

"You seem more nervous than I am, baby." You chuckled as you stroked his mohawk.

"Just want to make sure the little one's healthy, that's all." He gave you a smile before kissing your exposed belly. "I'm eager for the rest of the pregnancy to go by."

"You and me both." You let out a hearty laugh as the doctor walked in.

"Alright, Mr. And Mrs. MacTavish. Let's see how your little one's doing." She smiled as she sat down next to you, spreading the jelly across your stomach. She rolled the gadget around the jelly, and you began to hear a faint heartbeat emit from the monitor.

"Do you hear that? It's faint, but it's your baby's heartbeat." The doctor said, giving you and Johnny a warm smile.

She continued to move the gadget around on your belly, her eyes squinting slightly at the screen.

You sat up slightly as you watched her study the monitor. "Doc?"

Johnny sat forward, his eyes trained on the doctor as she broke out a wide grin. "Listen closely. There's a second heartbeat."

Your heart skipped a beat as you listened and did, in fact, hear a faint second heartbeat coming from the monitor. You let out a small chuckle as you turned to Johnny. "Johnny!"

Johnny looked at you a moment before speaking. "So the baby has two hearts?"

You playfully slapped your husband, and the doctor burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh dear God Johnny."

"Mr. MacTavish, if I may, you are your wife are going to have twins." The doctor said, regarding Johnny with a smile before looking back at the screen. "Two healthy ones from the looks of it."

Johnny blinked a few times at the monitor, before looking back to you. "Twins?"

You bit your lip and nodded. "Twins."

He stood up abruptly and gave loud cheer, startling you and the doctor. "Oh my God! Twins! Two! I'm going to be a dad of twins!"

He began to jump up and down like a child, his excitement causing you to giggle.

To say he was elated was an understatement. The minute you'd gotten home, he'd called his mum, Simon, and the rest of the 141 to tell them the news.

König-

Königs legs were bouncing rapidly, as he was unable to calm his nerves. This was common for him, though, whenever he'd accompany you to your ultrasound appointments he always got nervous.

"Alright, Miss Y/N. How has everything been going?" The doctor wheeled her chair up to you, inspecting your bump.

"Well! I've been taking the vitamins you'd recommended and have been taking it easy. I'm eager to see the little one on the screen!" You beamed, as you looked down at your belly.

König smiled to himself and grasped for your hand. He, too, was excited. When you'd found out you were pregnant, he was obviously nervous, but kids were something he'd wanted deep down since he was a boy. And you, the woman of his dreams, was about to make that a reality for him.

He was too lost in admiring you, he almost didn't hear the word "twins" emit from the doctors mouth.

He watched as your eyes widened and your mouth fell slightly agape. "Sorry, can you repeat that?"

"It appears you two are having twins! I don't know how we didn't see it earlier! Look!" The doctor pointed at the screen.

König was shocked. He didn't know what to say, and it was clear, neither did you. His legs began to bounce nervously once more as silence fell in the room.

You looked over at him, your eyes still as wide as before, a look of clear shock on your face. König didn't know what to do. He could barely register the information himself.

He was about to speak up before he heard you chuckle. "Twins! I'm having twins!"

He watched as your face began to light up, as you finally processed the information given to you. You were practically beaming.

König gave an elated laugh before pressing a kiss to your cheek. "Maus, this is amazing."

His gaze flitted to the screen and saw his two little babies, and the smile that lined his lips was infectious. He absolutely couldn't wait to start this little family with you.

John Price-

John was on deployment when you'd found out. You went to your ultrasound appointment with your close friend and burst into happy tears when you were told you were expecting twins.

You and John had been trying to be a child for a while. You'd just about given up hope when, by miracle, you'd finally gotten pregnant.

He was over the moon when you'd found out you were pregnant, as the two of you had been trying for quite some time to no avail.

It was a few weeks after the appointment when John finally arrived home, and you were eager to tell him. You let him settle in before approaching him with a nervous smile.

You handed John the picture of the ultrasound as watched as he studied the picture intently.

"Theres...two?" He asked, his eyes widening as they met yours.

You gave a small nod, nervous as to what he was thinking.

He stayed quiet for a moment, his eyes darting back to the picture in front of him before he looked back up at you, his hazel eyes filling with tears. "There's two, John."

You felt your own eyes begin to water as you watched him. He placed the picture down gently before making his way over to you, carefully engulfing you in a hug. "I'm so fucking happy, baby girl."

You choked on a sob as your arms flew around his neck, pulling him closer to you. "We're going to be parents to twins, John. The wait has been been worth it."

"It has, sweetheart, it so has." He cooed, holding you closer. His heart was swelling with pride, knowing that the woman he loved was carrying not one but two of his children.

He made it a point, to be at the next ultrasound, and was brought to tears as he was finally able to hear his baby's heartbeats.

Kyle Gaz Garrick-

Kyle watched on in amazement as the doctor began to spread the jelly along your growing bump.

"Is it cold?" He'd asked you, laughing quietly as he watched you jolt slightly.

You nodded with a smile, squeezing his hand as you looked over to the monitor, your face lighting up as you saw the little one growing inside of you.

"Incredible." Kyle said, his eyes lighting up at the digital. "You can see it's little head."

The doctor smiled at your husband, and began to move the gadget around to show him more of the baby, stopping suddenly when she caught sight of another foot. "Wait a second, think we have another one!"

"Another one?" You asked, your brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Ah yes. My suspicions were correct, Mrs. And Mr. Garrick, it appears you're having twins!"

Kyle made a small noise of surprise as you let out a squeal.

"T-twins?" He stuttered. "A-Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent, Mr. Garrick. If I could direct your attention back to the screen, you'll find the second little one right here."

Kyle's jaw dropped as his eyes fell on the two small figures on the screen. "Y/N. We are having twins."

You let out another squeal and turned to Kyle, throwing your arms around him. "Oh my gosh, Kyle."

He squeezed you gently as a tear came to his eyes. "I'm so excited, babe. I can't believe this."

After that appointment, Kyle became extra attentive to you. He'd drop what he was doing if you needed something, and his heart would grow ten times bigger each time he'd see your belly growing. He was the best husband you could've asked for, and the best father you could've dreamed of having for your twins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: ahh I hope this was okay! I didn't want to go super angsty with this one lol🫣

[sinsolstice]

★ 彡 SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. ✧ MIGUEL O'HARA [ 2 ]

series ✮ the second day of the week always seem to put you in a bad mood. but miguel has a way to make you forget about your day.

tags ✮  modern + roommates au. situationship with miguel and unspoken mutual pining. divider creds: cafekitsune.

content warning ✮ explicit content, sexual intercourse, dom/sub, handjobs, thigh riding, cowgirl, unprotected sex. 18+.

wc ✮ 2,756

Tuesday has never been your favourite day.

When you return home, you feel your body ache and a glooming weight hovering above your head. Something just irks you today and all you want to do is retreat to your room until the whole day is over. At least, there are only a few hours left until Tuesday ends. Another seven hours left, to be precise. Even the thought of it still dampens your mood and you wish that time would speed up so you can get over the Tuesday blues.

The moment you arrive home, you’re greeted with brief quietness, before hearing someone going through the cupboards in the kitchen. Although you acknowledge Miguel's home first, you don’t walk past to greet him. Instead, you go straight to the second floor and into your room. Shutting the door behind you, you strip off your work clothes and hop into the shower. The warm water calms your skin and loosens your muscles. Yet, you feel dissatisfied even when you come out clean, smelling fresh and changed into comfortable baggy loungewear.

You dive into the comfort of your bed, tangling yourself under the duvet that makes your muscles curl comfortably. Something vibrates under your pillow and when your hand moves under to reach for your phone — pulling it out to your sight — it lights up a received message from Miguel. He tells you that he’s planning to run some errands and asks if you would like anything. 

Your reply is polite but a little unenthusiastic. It wasn’t long after texting Miguel back that you heard a knock on your door. The barrier opens and your roommate peaks his head in by the doorway. Your eyes immediately meet Miguel’s crimson eyes. “Long day?” He asks.

You sigh and nod, pressing your lips together. “Extremely. Today is just… I don’t know, not my day.”

“Lo siento, bonita (I’m sorry, beautiful),” Miguel says. He steps into the room and closes the door behind him. “I had a feeling you weren’t yourself when you got back.”

“S’okay.” You shrug. “Just a few more hours until Tuesday is over.”

The room falls into a comfortable silence between the two of you. You twiddle your thumbs, unsure of what to do when you feel the bed shifted under its weight when Miguel takes it forward to sit on the bed in front of you. His thumb and index fingers reach out for your chin and gently angle your face up to meet his gaze. “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“I’ll be okay,” you shoot him a soft smile. “Maybe I’ll sleep early tonight to let the time pass.”

Miguel goes quiet when you say this. He gazes away to his right — seemingly in thought – before his eyes meet yours again. “There could be something we can do to pass the time. But only if you want to.” 

This has caught your attention. “What are you thinking of?” 

“Today may have not been a nice day for you, but we could change that.” Miguel begins. “The continuation of our challenge from yesterday.” 

Your chest tightens a little as you hitch a breath, recalling the deal made and yesterday’s events. It heats your cheeks and goosebumps run down your back when your mind replays the way your body aches in pleasure when he thrusts deep into you. A sudden jolt of pulse travels down to your cunt as you think about the way he rubbed your clit yesterday with fervent abandon from the challenge. 

You’re now reminded that today is the second day of the week’s challenge. 

“It might help you forget about what’s upsetting you today.” Miguel continues, his tone lowers and sounds a little husky. He pauses for a moment as he gently circles on your inner wrist in a mindless pattern. “I want you to take the reins this time to make you feel empowered. Have you done whatever you want to me.” 

In that moment, your chest tightens even more with the way your heart races. This is the first time you’ve been offered something like this, and throughout your situationship with him, Miguel has always been the one to lead in the sexual activities. So his proposal has taken you by surprise and yet you couldn’t help but feel a surge of excitement at the new prospect specially made for you.  

“Really?” Your voice holds an innocence to it. “You’ll let me do whatever I want?”

“Whatever you want, nena,” Miguel smirks. “I’m yours to use as your playground.” 

You gaze away as you think, still feeling the rush of excitement and arousal. “There’s always something that I’ve been wanting to try.” You begin, pause for a dramatic effect, and then look at him with feign innocence and curiosity. “Thigh fucking?” 

Miguel raises a brow at you and a wide grin appears on his face. “You plan on torturing me with those sweet, soft thighs of yours, bonita?” 

You giggle softly, “Not torture you, per se. More like… want to know what it feels like.” 

“Mm,” Miguel hums. His hand reaches out to brush away some unkempt strands of hair out of your view. “If that’s what you want to do, then let’s do it.” 

Nodding, the two of you began to undress each other’s pants, the clothes all tossed aside in the corner of your bedroom. You quickly settled on the and laid your back on the headboard, with Miguel joining to be in front of you. He kneels on the bed and spreads your legs open, moving closer between them. He takes hold of his large cock in his hand and places his throbbing member on your bikini area, giving it playful taps that have you squirming a little and giggling. 

You slowly bring your legs together, the inner of your thighs brushing against his member softly between the thigh gaps. Then with your legs clasped together, you raise your legs and then down slowly. Soon, the motion repeats as your inner thighs drag his cock up and down in strokes. You swear you could feel his member throb between your muscles. 

“Oh, mierda, that’s it,” Miguel murmurs with his eyes closed. “Your thighs are so soft and warm.” 

“You think so?” You ask as you proceed to move your thighs up and down, looking at him under his gaze innocently. 

Miguel smirks and lets out a breathy chortle once you’re confident stroking him with your thighs. Bring your upper legs up and down like you’re doing a seated knee crunch exercise on his cock with your upper leg muscles. With every stroke, Miguel’s member quivers and he groans. His chest is rising up and down slowly, eyes closed as his lips parted slightly whenever he breathes heavily. 

“Fuck, your thighs.” A low growl emits out of Miguel. His brows creased as he pants. “So soft and beautiful and mierda (fuck)—” He let out a breathy, almost strangled gasp as his eyes gazed down at his cock and your thighs stroked him. “Tan perfecta, hermosa.” 

The praises coming out of his mouth feeds your confidence and it certainly shows it on the smile of your face. You continue to tease him and perhaps like Miguel said earlier — torture him a little. Seeing the way the foreskin of his cock would roll up and down to the movements of your thighs in between them — hiding between the muscles and revealing itself like it was a peek-a-boo game. The head of his cock is already glistened with precum. “Something else.” He rasps. “Please.” 

“Oh? You’re telling me what to do, now?” You ask with a raised brow, your tone teasing. “Though you told me that you’re my playground to use.” 

“You’re right,” Miguel rasps with a sheepish smirk. Still using his thighs to stroke his cock, you can see the way his brows furrowed together as Miguel breathes rhythmically in an attempt for some sort of control and restraint. “Are you going to keep playing with me like this?” 

You glance up at him. The movement of your thighs going up and down slows down until it comes to a stop. His cock throbs, being buried in between the soft muscles of your upper legs. “You’re right, I should do something about it.” You declare. 

Carefully, you open up your legs, seeing the way it glistened with arousal ─ a mixture of his and yours painting your skin. You already miss the way his member feels between your thighs but you have a different idea. Leaning yourself forward close to Miguel, your right hand reaches for his cock and soon, your hand replaces your thighs to stroke him. A gentle grip on his dick as you move up and down on him. 

You hear Miguel groaning your name, sounding even more hoarse than before. “You know that’s not what I meant.” He says brusquely, though it sounds gentle. “Tú, pequeña zorra (you little vixen).” 

“Whatever do you mean?” You giggle softly. 

“Want to have your pussy around my cock.” Miguel murmurs. His head is tilted back with eyes closed, deeply groaning and his dick pulsates even more in your hand. 

The growing smile on your face doesn’t falter as you take full control of Miguel’s pleasure, watching the way he’s beginning to lose composure. You feel more confident and empowered in this situation because you’ve always been a bit of a pillow princess and letting Miguel have his way with you. But this time, the role is reversed. 

“How do you want to have my pussy?” You ask, still stroking his cock with your hand. “Should I ride you?”

“Yes, yes por favour (please),” Miguel says, his voice sounding breathy. He groans again and the muscles of his biceps tighten as his body shudders in pleasure. His member twitches in your palm. “Hermosa, nena, por favor (beautiful, baby, please).” 

You chuckle softly, seeing how Miguel has succumbed to a whimpering mess. A different sight but a beautiful one. You’ve always known Miguel to be confident, intimidating, and somewhat snarky. But in the moment and right in front of you, he is neither of those. He is yours to toy with and as he said before—he’s your playground to be used for the night. 

“What did I tell you about telling me what to do?” You lightly scold Miguel. And yet, your hand slowly comes to a stop and lets him go. Getting up onto your knees, you gently nudge Miguel to lean back a little. When he does so, you carefully crawl onto him, settling yourself on his lap. His hands instantly go to hold onto your waist. The two of you stare at each other, eyes gazing over each other’s expressions and facial features. 

“You ready?” Your voice is soft when you ask, hand reaching down to hold his cock and aligning it upwards between your legs. 

“Yes,” Miguel whispers. His eyes darken in lust, and the grip on your hips is strong as if he’s trying to imprint his fingers into your skin. Almost holding back your breath, you mentally prepare to embrace yourself, remembering to take it nice and slow. 

Steady, you lower yourself down onto Miguel, the head of his cock breaches in slowly until the two of you are groaning and moaning. Your walls warmly welcome the intrusion, wrapping around his cock in a vice grip till you could feel the tip of its head brushing inside your womb. “Fuck, fuck. You’re so tight.” 

You rest your forehead on Miguel’s when the shudder of pleasure overwhelms you. Breathing softly as you hold onto him, mind clouded in lust and sheepishness. When a thought inadvertently enters your mind, the notion is forgotten when you feel his hands guiding you close to him by the waist. 

“You’re doing so well,” Miguel says softly, his lips almost brushing yours. 

His words made your heart leap and you exhaled a soft sigh that you didn't realise was holding back. “I want you to get comfortable.” 

“I already am.” The corner of Miguel’s mouth curves up in a grin. His hands cup your rear cheeks and he lifts you easily off the bed to switch positions. Miguel sits at the edge of the bed and his gaze focuses on you, his hands going onto your hips as you proudly sit on his lap. 

You begin to roll your hips as you sit on his lap, with his cock settled buried inside you; its girth hits your vaginal walls, his pelvis rubbing your clit and you swear you could feel his cockhead hitting your cervix. The muscles of Miguel’s thighs flex a little underneath your weight and he heaves heavily when your cunt grips onto his dick whenever you roll yourself onto him. “That’s it,” he groans. “Grinding on my cock so well.” 

With your hands placed behind his muscular thighs as you steady yourself in this whole new position, you angle your hips and begin to bounce on him. It starts gently at first for you to adjust to the feeling and idea of taking charge. But then, the pace picks up moments later as you begin to feel comfortable. The wanton swiftness of Miguel’s cock hitting your G-spot relentlessly. You’re unsure who’s controlling the movements — whether it's your rhythm or his hand on your hips guiding you to lift up and then down onto his length. But it doesn’t matter who did what because being on top of Miguel O’Hara feels like the sweetest and most well-deserved victory for yourself. 

The bedroom is filled with the sounds of wet skin slapping with mixed arousal, your breathy gasp and his throaty groans. It doesn’t take long until you feel the knot in your stomach tighten, making you drive your hips up and down on Miguel faster. You hear him shudder a breath, his hands grab your buttcheeks. “Oh fuck, hermosa—” 

A throaty groan from Miguel and a strangled cry from you fill in the bedroom. Your cunt tightens around his cock and it throbs just in time for Miguel to spill his cum inside of you. Your clit pulsates from the pleasure, the two of you gasping and groaning from the euphoric sensation of cumming at the same time. 

“Díos,” Miguel murmurs breathlessly. His lips brush on the valley of your chest as he catches his breath. Your eyes are closed, regaining your breath as well. “That was… wow,” Miguel adds. He chuckles softly. “Didn’t know you have a wild side of you.” 

“I…” Your voice trails. A sheepish smile curves up the corners of your lips. “Was that too much?” 

Miguel laughs and then shakes his hand. His hands squeeze your hips. “If anything, it was the best.” 

Your arms circle his neck as you press yourself chest to chest on him. The climax settles down, leaving the room quiet. Neither of you pull away despite how overly warm and a little sweaty the two of you are, and you prefer the way you’re both not separating from each other yet. 

"Hey," Miguel's soft tone catches your attention. "I have been meaning to ask. Why is Tuesday your least favourite day? Is it a personal thing?"

His question surprises you because you didn’t think he or anyone in your life would notice that the second day of the week is your least favourite day. You stay silent, figuring out how to put your explanation in words. “In all my life, Tuesday seems to be the day where I’m out of luck and rough days seem to happen that would hinder my mood. A bad grade at school when I was younger. Or I found out that one of the co-workers I hate at work made a complaint about me for something insignificant. Even when… my mum passed away a few years ago, it was on a Tuesday too.”

Things fall peacefully quiet in your bedroom as the two of you sit together on the sheets. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Miguel says apologetically. The pad of his thumb brushes on your inner wrist and you don't pull your hand away. Instead, let his warmth comfort you. 

“Well, I hope that I’ve made your Tuesday a little better for you,” Miguel adds softly. He still caresses where your pulse and arteries are pumping under your skin.

Your eyes gaze at him and a smile appears on your face. You couldn’t help but agree because he did make your day a little brighter than the other Tuesdays you experienced in the past.

keep track of more updates with #𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 (miguel o'hara).

all of my links.

[queenpiranhadon]

A/N: I find it hilarious that this is Bakugou x Reader and he's not even in like 1/3 of the series LMAO Big thanks to our resident beta reader @cashmoneyyysstuff srlsy dunno how she thought I was cool enough to follow ily 😭 Here's the masterlist!

Warning(s): Cursing, reader is the daughter of Aizawa, Shinso and Eri are biological siblings, Shinso is a year younger than reader, reader is 20 years old, afab!reader, reader's mother is dead, medieval fantasy setting, reader cries a lot, reader started sword fighting at age six, reader passes out from crying, reader drugs her family (JUST HEAR ME OUT LMAO- I DON'T CONDONE STUFF LIKE THAT BUT ITS FOR THE PLOT), bad explanations of anesthetics, reader's nickname is Cactus and Warrior, slight spoilers of the actual show/manga, mentions of crossdressing (it's probably inaccurate, idk man I'm not really experienced with this sorta stuff lol).

Pairing(s): Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴏ: Bruises

“I have bad news.” 

In that moment, you’re pretty sure you felt your heart stop. 

You sat there, frozen, unable to move as everyone else at the table starts talking immediately, asking your father was the issue was. 

Yet his eyes remained on you, inky coals transfixed on you, unwavering, boring into your soul as if waiting, watching to see what you’d do next. 

Your mind tries to wander, briefly remembering the last time your father said that, the slight pain in his seemingly empty eyes and his strained tone of voice. The last time those words were uttered, your mother died. 

No. 

Now wasn’t the time for that. Now was the time to protect your family, like you always have. Your feelings weren’t important now.  

You notice your father rub his index finger against the underside of his thumb, a code you knew to mean retreat. In this case, he wanted to go outside to talk to you, alone. 

The table goes silent as you stand up with a word, worried glances being sent you way. Smiling reassuringly at them, you make your way around the table to the door, spinning around to squeeze Ejiro’s shoulder as he was the closest to you and make eye contact with your brother.  

“Toshi, you’re in charge in the meantime- make sure everyone has enough to eat alright?” you ask, and he hums in agreement, but narrows his eyes, a look that means you’re telling me everything once you’re done. 

You chose to ignore that, turning around again to exit your home to meet your father who was waiting for you outside.  

Shutting the door behind you, you see him staring up at the starless sky, covered by clouds and most likely smoke from fires made to provide warmth with the coming winter.  

You join him on the steps of your porch, staring up into the night sky with him. It was poetic in a way, the loss of the stars in the sky reminded you of the man by your side.  

Shota Aizawa was a swordsman, and one of the finest in the kingdom of Bellorant. Since you were six, he used to teach you, much to your mother’s annoyance. She didn’t want you near anything of the sort, especially when you returned one day covered in bruises, saying "Shota, she’s six! She needs to grow to be a lady, not a soldier or a fighter. She doesn’t need to grow up around violence.” 

Yet he still taught you, teaching you ancient sword techniques and sparred with you on occasion, but you never won – unless he let you. Every time, he would stop you at the most spontaneous moments, you could be in the middle of a heated spar when he rubbed his index finger against his thumb, retreat. It was like he had a sixth sense, knowing exactly when your mother would be home, and when she walked through the front door, you would be helping your father with preparing dinner.  

It was your secret, only for the two of you.  

At least for four years. After your mother had passed away, your father basically fell apart, refusing to teach you as an unspoken promise to your mother following her death.  

He could barely look at a sword the same way after he lost both his leg and your mother, like the starless sky - you knew it was possible, yet it seemed wrong. Your father was as empty without his swords as the sky was without stars. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, your voice betraying you, coming out as a shaky whisper.  

The raven-haired man sucks in a breath, refusing to look at you, not saying anything, The silence was deafening and suffocating, as waves of anxiety rack your brain and your heart rate picks up.  

What in the world could be so bad that he can’t even look you in the eye?! 

“I’m being enlisted into the army. The roundup is tomorrow at dawn.” 

Time stops right then and there. You feel your heart drop. You couldn’t lose him, you couldn’t. Sending him out there was suicide, and he knew it.  

He couldn’t do this to you, not after losing your mother. You needed him, he was all you had left to prevent you from tearing yourself apart from the inside. He was the loose string in the fabric that held everything together but was easily able to be pulled away in the blink of an eye.  

You didn’t realize you were crying until a rough hand comes up and brushes a few tears from your face.  

“You have to be strong my warrior.” he whispers softly, the name hitting you harder than it should’ve.  

He hadn’t called you that since the last time you trained together.  

Words fail you, but he understands, holding you tight as the dam breaks, unshed tears falling as years of suffocating pain and stress release you in the form of salty tears that drip down your cheeks and soak into your father’s shirt.  

You were going to be all alone again.  

Just the thought brings even more tears to your eyes, heaving sobs so powerful that you can’t breathe, there’s just too much and you can’t take it anymore, but you have to.  

You have to, for Hitoshi and Eri. If nothing else, do it for them.  

*** 

You’re not sure when you passed out, but you come to lying in your bed, your dad probably carried you.  

Your throat feels dry, and your eyes burn. Shivering and burying yourself in your blankets, your heart sinks as the situation dawns on you. 

Taking in a shaky deep breath you think, like you always have. Thinking about how to fix a problem that seemed so big that you could never fix it.  

But there was always a way.  

You tried to remember the last time enlistments happened. It wasn’t the first time your father has been in a war, neither had it been for many of the men in your village. But the rest of the village wasn’t battling a severe disability and trying to cope with even more severe mental health issues.  

As per the crown’s decree, the terms for enlistment were the oldest able-bodied man from each household would be sent to join the army out of loyalty for their country.  

That didn’t make sense- considering that your father was far from able bodied...shit.  

The alternative would’ve been HItoshi. Your father, knowing this, probably created a loophole, saying that the makeshift wooden prosthetic Chiyo provided from him considered the man able bodied, saving Hitoshi from the hardships of war he’d have to endure either way.  

Bastard. You curse mentally, somewhat towards your father but mostly at the situation at hand. Shota Aizawa was an intuitive man, and knew exactly how to manipulate a situation to get what he wants. This trait, both helpful and infuriating was one that was passed down to you, which explained how you could read people well enough to know their intentions.

But you knew that right now, what you needed was both your father and Hitoshi, at some, safe.  

And for that to happen, you needed some third Aizawa son to step in and take the burden from them both.  

Then it hit you, maybe there was.  

Cross dressing wasn’t a completely new subject to you- you remembered when you and Ochako snuck into a pub one night, dressed as two boys so no men would try to make a move on either of you.  

Maybe it would work again.  

Creeping out of your room, you see that everyone’s gone to bed. For once, you’re thankful that you do all the chores around the house, tip toeing into the room where you washed and dried all your clothes, spotting the basket of unfolded clean clothes that needed to be put away.  

Sifting through its contents, you find what you were looking for: a yellowed white tunic and some thick black pants that belong to your brother.  

Perfect. 

This was all going according to plan.  

Depositing the clothes in your room, you go into the washroom, finding the medicine cabinet where all Eri’s concoctions lived.  

You wince, knowing this was technically drugging your family against their will, but you get to work, finding the balm used for sleep. 

Sneaking into Hitoshi’s room first, you take some of the balm, rubbing the substance against your fingertips before rubbing it gently against the skin that covered his temple, herbs that were said to have magical properties allowed a light dosage of melatonin into the neural system.  

You felt his body relax, all the tenseness gone from his frame, and you kiss his forehead softly, a tear pricking your eye. 

You might never see him again.  

“I love you Hitoshi.” you murmur, stroking his hair before doing the same for your father and sister both sound asleep, and they would be for the next twelve hours.  

Fingering the paper in your hands, you bring it up to your lips, a final blessing from you before putting the letter addressed to your family on the dining table.  

It was almost dawn, grabbing the roll of bandages from the washroom and wrapping your torso with it to make your chest flatter. You felt like you couldn’t breathe, but you persisted, knowing that it would only be a minor inconvienience in the long run. 

Slipping your brother’s clothes on, you tie your hair into a wolf’s knot, a hairstyle that your father taught you himself, the mark of a warrior. Slipping on Hitoshi’s shoes, you grab the worn picture of your family ten years ago, looking at it, your mother’s face, and your father’s happy one. Now he’d at least be alive to have the chance to feel like that again

You put the photo in your satchel, along with the dagger you used to train with, and the diary Ejiro gifted you when you were thirteen. It was very thick, enough to only be half filled from 7 years of your living, but then again you never really used it back then. Well, that was going to change now, determined to leave your family and friends a little more than a rushed letter if you die.  

Holy shit.  

You could die.  

The thought had never properly struck you until now, and yet, you didn’t feel dread. You just understood the grim truth that if it wasn’t you, it would be Hitoshi or your dad, and it were more than happy to put your life on the line for them.  

You see the sun’s ray start to peak out of the horizon, eyes sweeping your home one last time before closing the door, hand staying on the doorknob for a split second longer than you should’ve, as it trying to subconsciously memorize how it feels. 

One step by one, you make your way down the steps of your porch, the same ones you sat on the night before where you cried your heart out in your father’s arms.  

That seemed so long ago, yet only a few seconds ago at the same time.  

You make your way down the cobblestone path, down to the center of the village, spotting men from the imperial palace with their scrolls condemning their people to death.  

You swallow down the pit in your stomach, taking a deep breath and joining the crowd of men that gathered around.  

Goodbye, home.  

Taglist: @andysdrafts @starieq @nemisimp @missa-archdevilme @coquettefoxxy

@032loe @icedemon1314 @fta1ask4 @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @cuppalevi

@touyasprettydoll @slayfics @yeehawgiddyup13 @notjustanotherextra @frvv

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@kksmush @sagejin @cax-per @kit-katsukii

[lilac-witch]

Felicity - Rhysand x Reader

masterlist

Summary: Rhysand has recently returned from Under The Mountain and Y/n takes in how the family is whole once again. Meaning: "a state of happiness" Word Count: 500 Warnings: Strong language

-------------

What better way to celebrate her mate's return, than with a family dinner. All of them together again in one room, after fifty years in a broken home.

It was them: Cassian, Azriel, Mor, Amren and Rhys, who now shared the dining room table with her, just like it was before Amarantha. Before it all went to shit.

Y/n was brought back to the present by Rhysand, who squeezed her thigh gently. He didn't need to delve into her mind to know what she was thinking. They'd been together for almost a century. He knew her like the back of his hand.

"Are you alright, darling?"

The question brought tears to Y/n's eyes. Here was a male, her male, her mate, who had undergone a torture none of them would ever truly understand, asking whether she was alright.

Choking down her tears, Y/n forced a smile onto her face.

"Everything is fine, now that you're home."

------------

As a matter of fact, everything was not fine.

The dinner had come and gone, the festivities of Rhys' return extending long into the night. But now, the sun had long retreated, and the moon shone high in the sky, illuminating the contents of their bedroom.

However, Y/n was not asleep. On the contrary, she lay awake, staring at the face of her mate. Afraid that if she closed her eyes, even for just a second, he would disappear.

Y/n turned to lie on her back, eyes deadset on the ceiling above, her mind whirling through everything that Rhysand had told her upon his return. Everything he had to endure, everything Amarantha forced upon him.

"Darling, you're crying."

She hadn't realised that Rhys was now awake, or that tears had been streaming down her face.

Rhys shuffled closer, wrapping her up tightly in his arms.

"It wasn't your fault, darling. I made my choice," he said, pressing soft kisses to her forehead in an attempt to calm her shaken state.

Y/n sniffled, moving impossibly closer to his warm body.

"How did you endure it? How did you endure it all for so long?"

Rhysand brought a hand up and began stroking her hair, his touch as light as a feather.

"I would imagine it was you. Your face, your body, your voice. I imagined what it would've been like if we had never been separated. I saw us, sitting under that old orange tree, watching children, our children, run through the fields."

"That sounds beautiful," she said, a soft smile replacing the frown that had previously occupied her face.

"It was a dream. It brought me so much happiness. To know that when it was all over, I would be able to return to you, to our family, and live out that dream," he said, violet-blue eyes meeting hers.

Y/n placed her palm on his cheek and ran her thumb over his golden skin.

"I'm so happy you're home, Rhys."

"So am I, darling. So am I."

-----------

I wrote this yesterday, but I wanted to keep it to post for today, just so that the content is somewhat regular. Remember, I'm taking requests, so pop one in the Letter Box!

[honey-on-your-tongue]

Too Sweet

Javier Peña x fem!reader

Part one

Series masterlist

Blog masterlist

You’d come down to Colombia with one thing in mind: prove you’re more.

You’d studied journalism, been the top of your class. You were made for this, born for it. Everything you did came naturally. College had seemed almost too easy to be true. And to top it all off, you loved it. You loved the investigation, the adrenaline, the fact that you could show people the truth…

You were headed down the road of your dreams.

Joining the DEA hadn’t really been your idea. Your grandpa, the DEA agent back in his time, had insisted. He’d promised he could get you good connections, told you that you’d love it.

You knew you would. The idea of working in a big, complicated, dangerous case like that…How could you let the opportunity slip? So you agreed.

With your grandfather’s help, you were officially part of an investigative team for the DEA. Nothing big at first, just small busts on local operations in Texas.

And then, word reached your grandfather that more hands were needed in Colombia. He recommended you. You were called down a few weeks later.

You had big hopes for yourself, knew that you could do this. You were determined to take down the cartels, to uncover anything and everything necessary to win the drug war. You were hungry for information and hungry for the chase.

But then, a week before leaving for Colombia, your superior had called you into his office.

You sat at his desk, wondering what this was about.

Carl was somewhere in his late fifties, a man hardened by his time in the DEA. He’d worked under your grandfather for years. You'd always thought he was a good man.

Until that day.

“Listen,” he told you, sighing softly. “The higher-ups are sending you to Colombia mostly because your grandpa requested it. But you’re a kid. You’re too young to go down there and keep up with the kind of work that’s going on with the Medellín cartel.”

You’d frowned, taken aback, but quickly recovered. “I’m not a kid, Carl. I can handle myself. I know what I’m getting into.”

He pursed his lips, pausing a moment before saying, “I’m gonna be honest with you, kid, because your grandfather and I go back. How can someone like you expect to go down there and make a change?”

“Someone like me?” you echoed.

“Graduated little over a year ago, been in the DEA less than twelve months…” He paused, as if debating it. And then he added, “And you’re a woman.”

You froze then. That was supposed to be a problem?

“So?” you’d demanded, crossing your arms.

“So a woman—a pretty girl like you should be settling down, finding a man to love her, taking care of a family. What are you doing, going to the middle of a battlefield?”

You wanted to throw up. Wanted to punch him, scream, throw things. How dare he?

But you simply took a deep breath. “I can handle myself,” you repeated and stood up to leave.

“They’ll chew you up and spit you back out, kid,” Carl warned. You knew he was saying that because of what had happened to him in Mexico with your grandfather. A raid gone wrong, three DEA agents dead, Carl was hospitalized for months. He never returned to the field and instead retreated to managing operations from behind the desk.

You gave him a long, cold glare. “And I’ll go back. Not all of us run away with our tails tucked between our legs at the slightest sign of danger, Carl.” You turned and headed for the door. “I’ll tell my grandpa you said hi.”

You think about the conversation the entire flight to Colombia.

What are you doing, going to the middle of a battlefield?

He's a fucking idiot, you think to yourself. Why else would anyone go to the battlefield? To fight, to defend…How could you just not do anything about it? If you stood by and watched everything go down, knowing that you have the ability to help even in the smallest things, you’d be just as bad as the narcos. Standing by and doing nothing is aiding and abetting the cartels.

You can do this. You know you can do this. And yet, Carl’s words cut deep. You know he’s not the only one who thinks that. Working in the middle of a field mostly ruled by men means having to deal with the fact that they all look at you like some toy thing, like just another housewife in the making.

You won’t—won’t, won’t, won’t—let that get to you. You know your potential. Even if no one else can see it, you know it’s there, you know how far you can go. And you’re going to make all of them see it too.

The first day in Colombia is a blur. You go through the airport, find a taxi to take you to the apartment the embassy has assigned for you. You settle in. It’s a simple place, simple furniture, not decorated. Just a twin-size bed, a few rickety chairs and a table for a dining room, thin curtains.

You sigh. It’s the first time you’ve lived alone. Sure, you had a dorm in college. But this is…different. It’s your apartment. All of this is your responsibility. It’s a feeling of freedom and fear all in one. Just the kind of adrenaline you need to get your mind off that horrid conversation with Carl.

You settle in. Meaning that you take your suitcases into your room and sit on the bed, the springs squeaking beneath your weight.

You start work tomorrow and you have nothing to eat, nothing to clean the house with, nothing to cook with—just nothing.

Since you’re not sure how long you’re gonna be in Colombia, you might as well make this place a home.

You find a decent furniture store not far from the apartment complex that can deliver your things in a couple of days. You buy simple things—a dresser, sofas, a real dining table with chairs, and a bed where you can sleep more comfortably. It’s a big bill, but some of your expenses are refunded by the DEA, so you allow yourself a certain amount of luxury.

And what kind of home doesn’t have decorations?

You pick out plant pots, nicer curtains, a few lamps to lighten up the place. And dishware. Simple plates, silverware, glasses, mugs. A set of four since you don’t expect to have much company. The cookware goes at the end. A single set of pots of three different sizes, a kettle, and a medium frying pan. Add some spatulas and you’re done.

You’d left your new apartment around midday. You return at dusk, just as the sun has dipped over the horizon, leaving the sky a soft purple.

You were told you’d get a car. Apparently, not until next week, according to the woman who you’d called to ask about it.

You took a cab, brought the boxes out of the trunk and left them all in the entrance hall. Now, you find yourself hauling boxes of decorations up the stairs. Up and down, up and down. Your legs grow tired, your back aches from carrying all the heavy stuff up two floors.

You’re heading back down to retrieve a box of plates when one of the doors on the first floor opens.

A man in his mid-thirties steps out, wearing a mustard-yellow button-up tucked into his jeans. His brown hair is a little tousled, his dark eyes find yours before moving to the boxes at the bottom of the stairs. A small smile quirks his lips up under his mustache.

“¿Necesitas ayuda?” he asks.

You blink. You know a little bit of Spanish. More understand it than speak it, really. You immediately become flustered, a little afraid you won’t be able to communicate with this man when he’s so kindly asked if you need help.

“Oh, uh…Yo estoy—” you cut yourself off. Can he even understand you with your accent? “The boxes, um—está pesados y—”

“You’re American,” the man says, relieving you when you realize he speaks English too. He eyes you up and down. “I’m Javi,” he introduces, holding a hand out to you.

You shake his hand. His palm is warm, fingers calloused. You’re distracted by that as you give him your name almost mechanically, your mind on the feel of his hand against yours.

His eyes flash with recognition. “You’re the new girl.”

You blink. “I—What?”

He chuckles softly. “I’m a DEA agent,” he explains. “They told me you were coming down to help with the cartels.”

“Oh.” You nod softly. “Yeah, that’s…me I guess.”

He eyes you again. “You’re younger than I thought you’d be.”

You’re not sure if that’s a compliment or not. “I-I’m twenty-three,” you blurt, as if that were an acceptable answer.

Which is the acceptable answer? you wonder. If there even is one…

He chuckles softly, an easy smile on his lips. “That’s still pretty young,” he points out, tucking his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “So. I’m guessing you just moved here?”

“Yeah. Just…settling in, actually,” you reply, nodding at the boxes on the floor.

“You moving all that on your own?” he asks, frowning slightly. “Here, let me help.” He reaches for a box before you can respond.

“That’s—You really don’t have to, I can do it myself,” you stutter, glad for the help but still trying to be polite.

“Come on, it’s no problem. I’m glad to help,” he insists, already starting to walk up the stairs with a box in his arms.

You follow after him, quick little steps trailing after his long strides. You lead him to your apartment, the door already open, and you gesture at the messy threshold, loaded with boxes. “You can just put it down anywhere,” you tell him, a little embarrassed about the mess.

He nods and sets the box down on the floor. He gives a quick, curious look around your apartment and whistles lowly. “Nice place. Your apartment’s got a better view,” he says, peeking into the living room.

“Not much of a view when that lamppost is out. It’s just…dark.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be able to see the sunrise,” he replies.

You turn to him, smiling softly with a little hmph. “I don’t stay up until the sunrise,” you tell him. “I can’t function properly if I don’t get enough sleep.” His eyes meet yours, dark, his gaze thick, and you feel nervous. Did you come off as weird? Are you making an absolute fool of yourself right now? Your nerves make your rambling worse. “I just—I just need at least eight hours, y’know? Otherwise I’m just stumbling through the day in a bad mood and that’s never good for anyone, especially if I don’t get my morning coffee. I’ll just be upset and bitchy all day and people get upset about it and then I get upset about that so it’s like a chain reaction and…” You trail off at the look in his eyes, a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

I sound like an idiot. He's gonna think I'm a fucking moron.

***

Fucked.

That’s all that Javier’s mind can come up with.

Fucked. I’m fucked.

He’s fucked. You adorable little thing, rambling on nonsensically, cheeks turning pink, eyes wide and nervous. His interest is piqued. You’re pretty, clearly smart, and you’ve gotta have guts to come down here at the ripe old age of twenty-three. You intrigue him, something about you has him thinking about blurring the boundary between co-workers and something more.

When he heard there was going to be a journalist headed down here to aid with the investigations, he’d expected some grumpy old man. Or a plain asshole who’d sit on his ass all day and do nothing. He had even thought that maybe they’d send down one of those pretty TV reporters just to get more people to watch their news.

Then he found out your name. He recognized your last name, he knows who your grandfather is. The Federico García, a good man and an even better DEA agent that controlled the Mexico cartels at the Texas border. But he never thought agent García would have a gorgeous, intelligent, gutsy granddaughter who’d end up working in Colombia.

And now that he’s seen you…

No, he thinks to himself. Come on, man. Look at her. She’s almost fifteen years younger. You can’t. Can’t. Can’t.

He shakes his head slightly to get rid of the thoughts.

He glances around again. Your apartment is bare with the evident lack of use. Javi wonders how many hours it’s been since you got off the plane.

You smile a little sheepishly. “I, uh, still got a few more boxes to get to if you, um, wanna help?”

He gives you his trademark sideways grin. “I’d be happy to,” he replies. As you two leave your apartment and start walking back down the stairs, he asks, “You nervous?”

You open your mouth to reply and pause. He glances at you, raising a curious eyebrow, and chuckles when you nod softly. “A little,” you admit. “Not so much about, like, the cartels and the narcos. Just…nervous about being in a new place where I don’t know anyone.”

“Ah.” He nods. “I get the feeling. But you’ll be fine.” He nudges your shoulder with his gently. “You got me now.”

Stop, stop, stop, his mind screams. Are you flirting with her? Why are you flirting with her?!

You give him a shy grin. “Yeah, I guess. So you’re, uh, a field agent?”

He nods proudly. “Yeah. Only way to catch these motherfuckers is to go after them ourselves.”

“Do you ever get afraid?” you ask. “When you’re walking in there with guns and bulletproof vests…Do you ever lose your nerve?”

He sighs softly. “I’m scared, sure. There’s always the risk of getting shot, killed…But if we don’t do this, who will? Someone has to stop these assholes.”

You nod. “Fair point,” you allow.

Thing is, Javier didn’t tell you the whole truth. Is he afraid? Fuck, yes, he’s afraid. He lives with the constant fear of getting caught in the crossfire. The narcos would never purposely kill a DEA thanks to Kiki, but a stray bullet…

He also doesn’t tell you about the interrogations, the tortures, the illegal shit he does with Carrillo and the Colombian army. The nightmares he has sometimes. The look of terror on these people's faces when they know they’re caught.

He helps you with all of the boxes, purposely taking a little longer just so he can talk to you. The way you speak, the way you look at him with eyes full of innocence, the way he knows what his intentions are and still can’t seem to stop himself…

Fuck, he’s doing the wrong thing. He knows he is. And yet, he’s not holding back.

Once all of the boxes of decorations and basic home necessities are placed in your threshold, Javi smiles softly. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

You nod. “Thanks again for your help,” you tell him for the millionth time. “I’ll be in by eight…ish. If I can find a cab. Do cabs drive by here?”

Javi blinks at you. It takes him a moment to put the pieces together. “You don’t have a car yet. You won’t get it until roughly next week.” He sighs. He remembers that, waiting for the embassy to make true on their promise to give him a car. It took days longer than it should’ve. “I can drive you.”

Your big, soft eyes widen a little. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience—”

He waves dismissively and cuts you off. “No, really. I mean, I have to go to the embassy anyway, might as well give you a lift.”

You hesitate, biting into that plump bottom lip of yours. He can already imagine himself tugging it out from between your teeth, running his thumb over it…

“Really,” he insists. “It’s no problem. I’ll even let you pick the music,” he teases.

That gets a little giggle out of you. “Alright,” you give in after a moment. “Okay. Thank you. So, uh, I’ll be ready at eight.”

Javi smiles softly, his most dashing, charming smile. “Good, I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night.”

“‘Night,” you reply, a soft pink filling your cheeks when he playfully winks at you before walking away.

This is a mistake, he thinks to himself as he walks down to his apartment. I should stay away from her.

But deep down, Javier knows he won’t. He can’t. He wants a lot of things from you, but keeping his distance? It's just not one of them.

Dividers from @cafekitsune they're all amazing!!! Thank you for creating these gorgeous works!

If you guys want me to start a taglist for this fic, lmk! Ily!!! Please don't forget to comment, reblog and like <3

[criticallyinneedofadar]

Alliance of Shadows (7)

A/N: We are more than halfway through our tale... What are we thinking? Are we enjoying ourselves so far?

Pairing: Adar x Reader

Warnings: Violence, war, anxiettyyyy

Word Count: 2.4k

Taglist: @zoya-olenko @annatartastic @oakenshielq @perse-cora

Previous - Next

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The night of the siege hangs over the camp like a thick cloak, the sky painted a deep, ominous gray as the forces of Mordor and the Hidden Mountain stand poised for war. The two armies moved together in perfect synchrony—Uruks and mages working side by side, their cohesion almost unnatural, as if they had always been meant to fight as one. Even the air hums with energy, with magic and raw power swirling in anticipation.

But something gnaws at you. A sense of unease, subtle yet persistent, lingers at the edge of your awareness. You had spent the night preparing, weaving enchantments and spells into the armor of your soldiers, strengthening their resolve, yet the feeling will not leave. You can not shake the sensation that you are missing something—a shadow lurking just out of reach.

Adar stands at your side, his gaze steady as he surveys the battlefield. The quiet before the storm. His Uruks are ready, their eyes filled with a fierce loyalty to their father. Your own mages stand at attention, their minds sharpened, awaiting your command. But still, the feeling persists.

"Do you feel it?" you ask, your voice low, meant for Adar’s ears alone.

He gives a slight nod, his eyes narrowing. "There is a shadow, but I can’t place it. It could be the weight of battle approaching—or perhaps Sauron’s dark presence."

His words do little to soothe your worry, but you nod in return, trusting that whatever it is, you will face it together.

As the time to launch the assault nears, Adar sighs. His eyes, always so guarded, seem to soften just for a moment, though they do not leave the city in front of him and he speaks quietly, as if the words were meant to be shared in this one, fleeting moment of stillness.

“When I came to you asking for aid, I had little hope,” he admits, his voice raw in a way you have never heard before. “I was prepared to face rejection, or at best, a begrudging alliance. But instead, I found more than I dared to hope for.” 

Your heart quickens at his words, but you remain silent, waiting for him to continue.

“You are…,” he says carefully, his gaze suddenly holding yours with an intensity that makes your chest tighten. “Something I never expected to find. Should we survive this… You will always have a place by my side”

His words linger in the air, heavy with unspoken emotion. You feel the pull between you—dangerous, intoxicating, like the edge of a blade.

“I will consider it,” you reply softly, a small smirk making its way onto your face. “Though, truly I think you merely want the title King Consort.” Adar snorts, as though you had forced a small laugh out of him. 

Before you can say anything more, the horns sound—deep, guttural, and unyielding—cutting through the night and signaling the start of the siege. The stillness shatters in an instant, replaced by the clamor of marching feet, the clanking of steel, and the roar of war drums. Torches flare to life, casting flickering shadows over the assembled armies, while the sky above seems to darken further as though the very stars are retreating from the violence about to unfold.

Adar stands tall before his Uruks, a father addressing his children before the greatest battle of their lives. His voice rises above the chaos, carrying with it the weight of years spent under oppression, of battles fought and lost, of scars worn not just on his body but in his very soul.

"My children," Adar begins, his voice low but resonant, commanding attention. "For too long, we have fought in the shadow of a master who never saw us as more than tools. For too long, we have bled for those who sought only to enslave us, to use us, to make us forget who we are. But tonight, we stand not as slaves, not as weapons forged by another’s hand—but as warriors, as free beings defending our home."

His words stir the air, a palpable energy rising among the Uruks. They hang on every word, eyes gleaming with fierce loyalty.

"Sauron thinks he can reclaim us," Adar growls, the disdain dripping from his tone. "But he underestimates the strength that courses through our veins, the fire that burns in our hearts. We are not the mindless creatures he once commanded. We are Uruks, forged in darkness, but destined for our own light!"

A cheer rises from the crowd, low and rumbling like the growl of an impending storm. Adar raises a hand for silence, his eyes scanning his army before landing on the mages who have joined their ranks.

"And tonight, we are not alone. With us stand our allies from the Hidden Mountain, mages of immense power—" Adar gestures to you and your warriors. "They will bring the forces of the elements and the very fabric of reality itself to our side. The elves and Sauron do not know what is coming for them. They expect us to be divided, broken, but they will be faced with something far greater than they have ever imagined. They will yield to us, or they will fall!"

The Uruks roar in unison, their voices echoing into the night. Adar’s ability to inspire his children—his unyielding belief in their strength—stirs the fire within you. His face, framed in torchlight as he stands proud before his forces, makes you long to pull him into your arms, never to let him go. For all his darkness, there is a nobility in him, a fierce love for those who follow him, for those he calls his children.

You step forward, your voice cutting through the noise, drawing the attention of your mages and the Uruks alike.

"Brothers and sisters," you begin, your gaze sweeping over the gathered warriors. "We have hidden in the shadows for too long, watching as this world forgot us, watching as it tore itself apart. But no more. Tonight, we fight not just for survival, but for our place in this world. A place we will carve out with our strength, with our magic, with our sheer will!"

The mages straightened, power thrumming through the air as they drew on the raw forces around them, ready for battle.

"We stand here alongside the Uruks, and together we are unstoppable. We will tear down their walls, break their lines, and claim what is ours. This is not just a fight for territory. This is a fight for our future. So let them come with their armies, their illusions of power. Let them face what they have never known—true strength, our strength!"

The armies before you erupt into a frenzy of cheers, the mages and Uruks unified in purpose. The air itself seems to hum with anticipation, the forces of magic and muscle combined into an unstoppable force.

Adar turns to you, his eyes shining with lust and power, a shared understanding of what is to come. He gives a nod, a silent agreement passing between you.

He raises his hand once more, commanding the attention of all. "Prepare the battering rams. Let the siege begin!"

With a sweeping gesture, Adar gives the signal, and the armies surge forward.

The first wave of Uruks surge forward, their war cries echoing as they charge toward Eregion’s gates. Your mages follow, hands raised as they chant in unison, sending dark spells to weaken the defenses, shifting the very earth beneath the enemy’s feet. The walls of Eregion tremble under the assault, and you feel the surge of power in your blood, driving you forward.

Adar leads his children with brutal efficiency, every swing of his blade precise and deadly. He is a force of nature, carving through the enemy with an elegance that belied the ferocity of his strikes. Your own power flows through you, bending reality to your will, turning enemy minds against them, shifting the battlefield into a distorted maze of illusions and traps.

But still, the dread lingers.

As the battle rages, chaos unfurls in every direction—screams, the clash of steel, and the thrum of magic weave into a deafening storm around you. Amidst the swirling carnage, you catch sight of him—Sauron. His dark, imposing figure moves through the battlefield like a wraith, his black armor gleaming under the dim light of the moon, a stark contrast to the blood and fire that splatters his path. His eyes burn with cold malice, and with every swing of his blade, Uruks and mages alike fall before him, their bodies crumpling under the sheer force of his power.

Your heart clenches as you watch him, this shadow from histories darkest memories, slicing through your forces with such ease, his movements terrifyingly precise. Adar sees him too, and without a word, the two of you begin moving toward him, weaving your way through the battlefield, your hearts pounding with the knowledge that this is the confrontation you had both been preparing for.

The distance closes, and finally, the three of you meet in the heart of the storm, where the fighting becomes background noise to the intensity of this moment. Around you, the armies churn like waves crashing against each other, but here, the air stills, heavy with the weight of what is to come.

Adar steps forward, his sword raised high, and it is as though time slows. His blade swings through the air, crashing against Sauron’s with a sound that reverberates across the battlefield, a thunderous clash of steel on steel that sends sparks flying into the night. Adar presses forward with fury and determination, each strike fueled by years of hatred and vengeance, but Sauron meets him blow for blow, his expression unbothered, his strength seemingly boundless.

You move quickly, weaving your magic into the fight, sending waves of energy through the ground beneath Sauron’s feet, disrupting his balance, warping the very air around him. The space bends as you channel your power, disorienting him, making it harder for him to move with his usual deadly precision. But even as your magic hums through the battlefield, you feel the weight of Sauron’s presence pressing down on you, like a tidal wave of darkness threatening to consume you whole.

Sauron’s gaze locks onto you, his molten eyes burning through the haze of war, and in that moment, it is as if the battlefield falls away, leaving only the two of you. His voice cuts through the din, dark and mocking. “You’ve aligned yourself with the father of monsters, Witch Queen,” he sneers, his tone dripping with disdain. “How far you’ve fallen.”

You meet his gaze, but you do not rise to the bait. Your hands glow with raw power, the energy vibrating in your bones as you push harder, bending the world around him, creating cracks in his perception, distorting his defenses. You twist the very fabric of reality itself, trying to pin him down, to slow his movements, to weaken his control over the battlefield.

But Sauron’s power is immense, relentless. His will presses against yours, pushing back as though your magic were nothing more than a fleeting annoyance. You grit your teeth, focusing harder, feeling the strain in every fiber of your being as you try to keep up the pressure.

Adar fights fiercely beside you, his sword a blur as he parries and counters each of Sauron’s brutal strikes. The two of them move like titans locked in combat, sparks flying with every blow, the sound of their swords clashing echoing through the battlefield.

Sauron’s gaze flickers back to you, his lips curling into a cruel smile. He knows. He feels the exhaustion creeping into your bones, the toll this battle is taking on you. You’re powerful, yes, but this? Holding him at bay while the war rages around you—it’s draining you. You can already feel your grip slipping, the effort of bending reality, of distorting the world itself, pulling you under.

“You cannot win,” Sauron murmurs, his voice low and insidious, echoing in your mind. “You’re nothing. A child playing with forces beyond her comprehension.”

His words echo in your ears, but you push them aside, focusing instead on your connection to the land, to the magic thrumming beneath your feet. You reach deeper, drawing more power from the earth, from the elements themselves, even as your vision blurs from the strain.

But you know, even as you fight, that you cannot hold him forever. Already, your limbs grow heavy, your energy dwindling as you both distract Sauron and fend off the elves that try to break through the battlefield to reach you.

Still, you fight. Still, you hold on.

Adar senses your fatigue, and he fights harder, his blows growing more vicious, more desperate as he pushes Sauron back, his dark eyes blazing with fury. For a brief moment, Sauron stumbles, caught off guard by a powerful strike from Adar, and you seize the opportunity. You pour every ounce of magic you have left into one final push, warping the ground beneath Sauron’s feet, sending a shockwave of power through the battlefield.

But Sauron is too strong. He recovers quickly, faster than you expected, and his eyes snap back to you, burning with rage.

“You think you can stop me?” he growls, his voice a deadly whisper. “I will tear your world apart, and you will watch as everything you love burns.”

His blade swings toward you, a blur of steel, and in that moment, time seems to slow. You barely have time to react, your heart pounding in your chest as the world narrows to the gleaming edge of Sauron’s sword.

And then Adar is there, his sword clashing with Sauron’s once more, blocking the blow meant for you. The force of their clash sends a shockwave through the ground, knocking you back, but you quickly regain your footing, your magic swirling around you like a storm as you prepare for the next strike.

Adar moves with deadly precision, his strikes relentless. But just as it seems you are gaining the upper hand, you catch a flicker of movement out of the corner of your eye—Glûg.

At first, you think he has come to your aid- or that of his Lord Father. He moves swiftly, almost too quickly, sneaking through the chaos of the battlefield toward Adar. His blade gleams under the dim light. With horror, you realize the blade is aimed not at Sauron but at Adar’s unprotected back.

“Adar!” you scream, but the warning comes too late.

Glûg’s blade thrusts forward, and time seems to slow as you watch in horror. The sound of steel cutting through the air is deafening, and you are powerless to stop it.

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I'm so sorry. I couldn't resist a cliffhanger