#i want to put this in tags because i'm proud of it but :|

[pointyhatspointyears]

Then & Now: OCs & Gposing

Tagged by @sparrowsong-7 @l3ylines & @lynxden (thank you <3)

This'll be long and all over the place because I took a very different direction with gposing this years and it's been very uh educational. Learned to use posing tools less than a year ago and it's really given our characters more life and made a world of difference. Old embarrassing screenshots incoming.. (but the point here is to show ~Growth~ and I hope it motivates you to keep improving too. and push through all the bugs and that existential ennui hit when your game crashes before youve taken a single screenshot ;-;)

-

Random sentimental observations first, going through old folders..

My gurl aged. But the older she got the happier we both were. We discovered ✨boundaries✨ together.

Her fem elezen Era of 2013-2014 had a bit of both Gabriel & Theneras in her. Nerdy elf and grumpy elf were always there. Never realized. (also apparently we've always had that annoying light/shadow shimmer effect and it's not just a post DT lighting thing)

Apparently I've been wearing the same outfit since 2018. Sometimes you just put on a hat and your character says Yup. That's me. Forever. You'll just have to find a way to squeeze under. (sorry for +6 years of clipping, sweetie, but it was your gift and I'm never taking it off)

Gabriel and @pocketyoukai's Yuusei were besties since 2016 before they were RP characters. and he'll always be a loving doting dad retainer to her sister.

2020- Goose & Amalthea were girlfriends before we realized they were girlfriends. The ship sailed itself.

2018: discovered GIF making. Tried to put it to good use..

…but I just kept making shitposts. which didn't last long thankfully.

..And I'm glad it was short-lived, because when I focused more on telling stories through gposing, especially this past year, it's like my brain got rewired to view this world differently, through the eyes of a little sprout again. If I was going to use screenshots only and no words, I had to take shots/gifs of different things to set my scene and experiment with angles I wouldn't otherwise have considered (and fail 50% of the time and try something else. timing is so tricky😭)

..not to mention, when you're thirsty and need to work around censorship you also get creative with angles and visual subtext

It's 10x more fun and rewarding, albeit challenging especially if you don't want to use any crime tools. But doable. And just as fun and rewarding. And I want to do more of this (and fail and keep experimenting) next year and see you tell more of your stories your way too. and be inspired by and fall in love with your characters.

..I was very much 100% vanilla, as in not even shaders, until early 2020. And started using posing tools about a year ago. When you say "your characters have more character!" (you know who you are) I know exactly what you mean now and that makes me very emotional ;-; it really wasn't the case until less than a year ago. a lil criminal activity goes a long way.

Also vanilla kisses were so hard to gpose and turned out so funny. Note to self never to /puckerup for kisses. ever. But we did our best and learned a lot. A ton more kissing next year for sure.

-

A little late so not sure who hasn't done this yet. Tagging my new favorite gpose storyteller @quiethealer , @squidzure (you've shown us Rhea's glow-up but where is Birdie's glow-up!), partner in storytelling & crime @pocketyoukai & @pumpkinmagekupo

and if you're seeing this and are happy with the growth you've done lately... doeet. Show me your embarrassing shots and the shots you're most proud of this year.

[sam-loves-seb]

ao3 wrapped 2024

i love doing this every year, thank you for the tags my wonderful beloved friends <3

tagged by @energievie @mybrainismelted @sgtmickeyslaughter

How many words have you written this year?

338,560

How many works did you publish this year?

30 (on ao3, not counting drabbles or ficlets on tumblr)

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

medium hot with sugar - coffee shop au (gallavich)

What work of yours has the most hits?

shameless: i'm not the way i was (17,844)

9-1-1: he'll never love you like i can (7,026)

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

span the distance (bridge the border) - post-canon gallavich fic where mickey's brothers show up unexpectedly

Favorite title you used.

i'm not the way i was (insp.)

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

i use a lot of different artists tbh i don't think i have more than 2 or maybe 3 from the same artist ?? but probably blink-182 or noah kahan just from what i'm seeing at a quick glance

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

ian gallagher/mickey milkovich

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

ian gallagher/mickey milkovich !!!

What work was the quickest to write?

it was you, all the way down - my shortest fic of the year but also the quickest to write, i remember writing this in one sitting and the words just poured out of me like crazy (inspired by gigi's art x)

What work took you the longest to write?

technically it's i'm not the way i was considering i still haven't finished it, but if we're only counting completed fics then it's soon you'll get better

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

three (x x x) ongoing wips and four (ish) wips that are either in very early planning stages or have the first 1-2 chapters written

What’s your longest work of the year?

9-1-1: god only knows where this could go (7,039 words)

shameless: i'm not the way i was (103,829 words)

What’s your shortest work of the year?

9-1-1: california dreamin' (1,861 words)

shameless: it was you, all the way down (866 words)

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

these three (x x x)

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

"Not Beta Read" (21) followed by "One Shot" (18)

Your favorite character to write this year?

mickey freaking milkovich baby

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

probably buck buckley (9-1-1) i can't seem to nail his voice in a way that satisfies me (i'm gonna keep trying!)

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

been thinking a lot about steve harrington/eddie munson (steddie) lately and i have written for them before but i have an idea or two i wanna possibly get into writing in the new year (and with st s5 coming out i'm sure i'll have more to say then)

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

went too far to soothe this soul

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

12,121

Which work has the most comments?

i'm not the way i was (398)

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

yes! i co-wrote Then and Now with @suzy-queued for the gallavich summer camp event this year!!

Did you write any gifts this year?

yes, i wrote:

find someone who grows flowers (in the darkest parts of you) for NotHereNJ for the 2024 gallavich gift exchange

it was you, all the way down for @heymrspatel for being one of the winning admirers with the gallavich art masquerade

buddie week (connor's version) 6 buddie fics for my best friend's birthday (ily @karenandthababes )

Did you receive any gifts this year?

yes! i receieved some wonderful gifts this year:

Frosting on His Nose from @heymrspatel for the 2024 gge (i'm still literally obsessed with this art)

all i know is a simple name from @jessbakescakes based on a very old joshdonna prompt i gave her many moons ago (love this fic to bits)

and idk if it counts as a gift but i'm putting it here anyway because @konaiiro drew a scene from one of my fics and i love it dearly <3

What’s your most common category?

m/m, fluff, whump, post-canon

What do you listen to while writing?

absolutely nothing, or sometimes white noise. very rarely am i able to listen to any kind of music, and even then it has to have no lyrics.

Favorite work you wrote this year?

life changes

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

this is my favorite bit i wrote this year, cw: self harm, hospitalization, read at your own risk:

“Twelve stitches,” Mickey tells him, voice wobbly and vision blurry. “Doc said it might scar, but. Yeah. It’ll heal.” It’s like something clicks in Ian’s brain, maybe. Like he remembers. Like he knows the events that happened to lead him here, but he can’t quite comprehend them. He lowers his bandaged arm back to the bed and stares at the wall. He doesn’t look at Mickey again. “So, um. Yeah. They patched you up,” Mickey says, the first tear falling down his cheek. He wipes it away, but the second isn’t far behind and he gives up trying to hide it. “You’ve been sleepin’ basically all night. They said you would. Said what happened was… traumatic, or whatever, and you’d need lots of rest.” “Stop,” Ian pleads. He closes his eyes, the words too painful to hear. To accept, maybe. Mickey nods, looking down at the floor. He twists his mouth to one side, sniffs. “I know you don’t wanna hear it. And you’re probably gonna hate me for makin’ you go to one of these places again—” “Don’t,” Ian whispers. “You’re gonna get some fucking help, Ian.” Mickey wipes at his face with the back of his hand. “I—I’m out of my depth here. But they’re gonna take good care of you, okay? It’s seventy-two hours. The doctors and shit, they’re gonna help you. ‘Cause I… I don’t know what else to do. And if you hate me for that—fine. I can live with that.” He sniffs. “But I can’t live without you. Okay? Do you get that?” “Mickey,” Ian pleads, but he won’t look at him, won’t open his eyes. He can’t. (x)

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

The sense of community in the shameless fandom never fails to surprise me. It's one of my favorite fandoms I've ever been in, and the wonderful people i meet writing and reading and talking about these characters pushes me to keep writing. I don't think I'd still be writing without this lovely community tbh

x

tagging (if you haven't done this yet): @jessbakescakes @iceyartt @deathclassic @whatthebodygraspsnot @crossmydna @jrooc @deedala @suzy-queued and anyone else who wants to play!

[di-42]

2024 fic roundup

Finally getting round to doing this! Just in time for the end of the year!

Many, many thanks to @curiouspupsicle and @bellisima-writes for tagging me all those weeks ago, ant to @cheeseplants for creating the questions. Enjoy curious's answers here, bellisima's answers here, cheeseplants's answers here.

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens, only Good Omens, nothing but Good Omens.

How many words have you published in 2024?

133k. Huh! Me?

What is your greatest achievement this year?

In the context of fandom and fanfiction, being brave enough to put myself out there and share my work is probably my greatest personal achievement. But I'm also quite proud to have plotted an 85k fiction while working 55 hours a week (and being lucky enough to have a husband and friends to spend my free time with).

What are your favourite top three fics you wrote this year?

That's an easy one! None of my favourite three are the ones with more engagement, strangely enough!

And I Did, rated E, 85k.

While I know this could have been written much better, I am incredibly proud of this fiction. It's whole season 3 fiction where I managed to pour all my headcanon in a way that hopefully doesn't feel too forced. I think it has an original plot, good side characters and tension. I tried to throw in some humour wherever possible as well. It features Supreme Archangel Aziraphale and Grand Duke of Hell Crowley. They haven't talked for almost two years. The end of the world is approaching. They are on opposite sides. And they both know neither of them was ever going to make a different choice to the one they made.

Only Ever Meant For Someone Else, rated T, 9k.

My first human AU, wheee! It was so much fun to write! I think writing human AUs allows so much freedom, although one shots and shorter stories can be a bit harder than canon compliant short stories. But I had a chance to explore some versions of the characters that I don't really see in canon, but very much enjoy in fictions, and wanted to try my hand at that. And I liked the result! Written for the Scribbling Vaguely Downwards advent calendar.

Every year, the night before Christmas, taxi driver Aziraphale drives passengers to and from the hospital for charity. On the Christmas morning of 2023 he was ready to go home and rest with a cup of tea, a mince pie, and a book after a long night.

Guess who?

“No, you may not!” Barked the other. Then he started pacing up and down the pavement, rambling to himself. “Anathema’s going to kill me. She’s actually going to kill me! She had to go into labour on fucking Christmas day, just my luck!”

Oh, dear.

“In-into labour?”

The stranger stopped pacing and, yet again, looked at Aziraphale sternly. He joined together the tips of his right thumb and forefinger, and punctuated his next words with a gracious movement of his hand.

“Yeah. It means she’s about to give birth.”

“Does it, now.”

Angel! Angel! They're At It Again! rated M, 5k

I really love this little story of mine. I've been told that it made some readers cry and laugh at the same time, and it doesn't get much better than that.

It's the year 2030. The world never ended. Aziraphale and Crowley are living happily and safely together as a married couple. Everything would be well, if it wasn't that lately Aziraphale has been a bit busy. A bit distracted. Now, Crowley can't have that, can he? He seeks the advice of his girlfriends, who unwittingly give him an idea on how to liven up his marriage.

A fluffy story about how we get to a certain cottage.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Tying up all the loose ends in And I Did. Sometimes it felt like I was just hitting a wall and I couldn't possibly ever go through. I felt so embarrassed -mortified, really- that some people had read the story up to a certain point and I had just to let them down, because I couldn't possibly write anything that would make sense with the rest of the story. Even though the main points were planned from the beginning, there were still all those little details that write themselves, basically, and I had no idea what to do with some of them towards the end. I still don't know how I managed to pull it off, honestly, but somehow I did it in a way that I found satisfying enough.

What have you learned?

That people are so much better than I am. Really. And I don't mean at writing fiction. Well, people are better than me at writing fiction, but that's not what I mean here. The amount of people who are ready to read about someone else's ideas and headcanons with an open mind, enjoy stories that they don't necessarily agree with, is astounding. I have very much to learn from this community.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I could tell you. But then I would have to erase your memory.

A fiction that has never made it off the ground is a fiction that has yet to make it off the ground.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

I was asked a couple of times, but due partly to my lack of time, partly to English not being my first language, I had to reluctantly decline. I do offer my thoughts on my betas' fictions, though. One of them hasn't published her work yet, and the other has a fantastic one shot on Ao3, called The Corset.

Aziraphale never understood just why he had been issued with a body likes his. He was the Guardian of the Eastgate, after all! So when in the 17th century corsets for men were fashionable again, he had an idea ...

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Hah! We both know it's not going to be only three, don't we?

Some of these fics were written before, some long before, 2024, but I only read them this year. It's quite hard to pick my favourites among so much talent and creativity, but I'll do my best. I also can't help but notice that my all time favourites are not among the superpopular ones, so please don't be shy and check them out! (And leave kudos and comments!)

The Beginning Of The End (Again), rated M, 78k.

Season 3 fiction full of plot, great characterisation, humour and pining. It has of course a happy ending. It is beyond me how this fic didn't get more engagement, especially when it first came out, closer to the end of season 2.

The Anon Before Christmas, rated E, 66k.

One of my favourite human AUs. The characterisation is spot on and the slow burn is just absolutely perfect. But I did love the whole array of characters surrounding Crowley and Aziraphale. I love how this story is as much about friendship and chosen family than it is about love and romance.

The Bookseller And The Garden, rated T, 13k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley is a demon stationed on earth, Aziraphale is an angel stationed on earth, but they have never met until present day. There's no end of the world in sight, only an angel and a demon falling in love and not knowing how to break it to the other that they're not human. I laughed all the way through.

Wrong Turn, rated T, 37k.

Honestly, I don't know why this fiction touched me so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it for days after I finished it. It's a post season 1 fiction where Crowley suddenly finds himself in a parallel universe at the time the apocalypse is just about to happen. The Crowley and Aziraphale in that universe have a different history to our Crowley and Aziraphale. All our Crowley wants to do is to go back to his universe and his very own angel, but how? As you follow the main plot and focus on Crowley's thoughts and actions, you'll start slowly feeling the other story get hold of you, and it won't let go until the very end and beyond.

Happiness, More Or Less, rated M, 21k

This human AU moved me so very much I cried. Crowley moves into his new flat in Soho, only to discover the flat in haunted by the ghost of the owner of the bookshop downstairs. I won't tell anything else about the plot other than it does have a very sweet happy ending, and it gets there via a rollercoaster of emotions. This is really one of those fictions that leave me in awe of the fandom's talent and creativity. Read it, read it, read it!

One last one that I haven't finished reading yet, but I know it's one of my all time favourites, is The Last Angel, rated E, 162k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley and Aziraphale were never assigned to earth, Armageddon happened and hell won the war. I've said many things about this fiction, among which that I can't believe the writer does this in her spare time and writing is not actually her job, and this is the most Good Omens-y fic I have ever read. It's astoundingly good.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Watch out for The Angel Horror Show! When I learned that Peter Hinwood, the actor who played Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show didn't have a long career as an actor, bout instead went on to become an antiques dealer, I knew I had to write this fiction with Aziraphale as the actor who many years ago played Angel/Rocky in The Angel Horror Show and subsequent film The Angel Horror Picture Show and is now living a comfortable life as a book and antiques dealer, and Crowley as the actor who played Demon/Frank, and went on to become a successful movie and theatre actor and director. I've just started writing it and I'm extremely excited about it!

Who do you want to thank?

Without the shadow of a doubt @sabine-smitten-obviously and IneffableShortCake who have been so incredibly generous with their time and support in the past 8 months! But also everyone who's ever left me a comment making me feel like my stories were liked, from the long comments to the ones with just enthusiastic syllables, from the incredibly witty ones to the more personal ones, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tag, answer any Qs that suit and play along!

I think because I'm so late in the game that most of the writers I would usually tag have already been tagged by someone else, but perhaps a few haven't done this yet.

@smua70 @ngk-668 @ineffable-duck7

And anyone who wants to answer!

This was fun!

[haztobegood]

⭐️ Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2024 ⭐️

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 16

2. Word count posted for the year: 43,087

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, BBC Radio 1 RPF, Music RPF (The Snuts)

4. Pairings: so many!

Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson

Louis Tomlinson/Jack Cochrane

OT5 girl direction

Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson

Niall Horan/Greg James & Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson & Zayn Malik/Liam Payne

Zayn Malik/Harry Styles

5. Story with the most: Kudos: Figure This Out Bookmarks: Figure This Out Comments: Louis and the no good, very bad day

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Stronger Than the Tide was written for the @1daroaceficfest this year. I started writing a different fic but that one got to be much longer than I had time to write, so I quickly changed course, found new inspiration, and wrote this one so fast. This one proved to me that my fics don't have to be long and complicated to be very meaningful.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I am honestly super proud of everything I posted this year. I feel more confident in my abilities and enjoyed writing so much that I couldn't single any out.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: This year I took a writing course and practiced what I'd learned while writing a horror story. Sisterhood is so different than anything I've posted before, so I was a bit nervous to post it. The comments were really great, especially this one from @disgruntledkittenface, "Jinny, I'm so impressed! Your prose is so evocative, and the story gave me chills. You gave such a full, rounded picture of the setting and all of the girls' relationships that I felt like I was there. I admit, I hesitated when I saw the cannibalism tag, but I'm really glad I read this!"

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: This spring was difficult. March and April are always busy and stressful, and then I broke my ankle, had two surgeries, and moved back in with my parents while I healed. Toward the end of May I really wanted to write for @wankersday so I forced myself to try despite some severe writer's block. I drafted Louis and the no good, very bad day entirely on my phone while lying on a couch.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: The ace of clubs in Stronger Than the Tide was my favorite surprise. This wasn't a part of the original draft at all, but while editing it felt like something was missing to indicate that the cave was siren!Harry's home, so I added Harry's collection of human objects. Because this was an ace/aro fic it felt right to put an ace card in. I found out after that the ace of clubs can represent growth and tending to relationships, which fit the theme perfectly.

Louis looked around the empty cave awkwardly. The bright sunlight illuminated some shiny objects laid out on natural ledges in the stone walls that he hadn’t noticed the last time. He slid his hands into the pockets of his red trackies and wandered closer. Shiny agates, broken seashells, smooth sea glass. A fork with a bent tine, dried wildflowers, a bobbin of old thread. A collection of jewelry. A large scallop shell filled with coins from all over the world. A corked bottle with a piece of paper rolled inside. Louis reached out and picked up a single red playing card. He turned it over: the ace of clubs. “That’s my collection. When I find something unique I save it.” Louis had been so intrigued by the items he hadn’t heard Harry come out of the cave. He set the card down carefully where he'd found it. “You keep your collection here in a cave?” “The cave is my home.”

More under the cut.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: Niall naming Louis' soulmate goose after Bruce Springsteen in Louis and the no good, very bad day will always make me laugh

Niall and Louis walk down the pavement, with the goose strutting a few feet behind Louis, beak held high. “Did you name him?” Niall asks. “What?” “The goose. Did you name him?” “Why would I do that? He’s not a pet.” “Because he’ll be with you for an unknown amount of time. Seems like he should have a name. Like Horace. Or Lionel. Or Bruce! Bruce the Goose.” The goose lets out a short burst of little honks in what Louis can only describe as a happy goose noise. Louis shakes his head. “No. I’m not naming my Soulmate Goose. He’ll hopefully be gone in a few days and then I can get on with my life.” Honk! Niall says, “Maybe. But I’ve heard that some people are stuck with their Soulmate Goose for almost a year.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: This year I took a writing course because I wanted to intentionally work on writing as a craft. I learned a lot from the course and enjoyed dedicating time to practicing and improving my skill.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I am working on a Pride and Prejudice adaptation and learning a lot from studying the source material. Taking a deep dive into such an iconic novel is teaching me a great deal about what makes that story and its characters so compelling.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): @lululawrence's @wordplayfics was a huge inspiration. I wrote 5 fics, 3 of which had been sitting in my drafts folder for years. I had so much fun seeing where each random word would take me each week.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Greg twisting his ankle in The Grundy County Corn Maze Incident was inspired by breaking my own ankle. Unfortunately the strong Irish man that helped me get to a car was not Niall . And The Kiss of Sleep that I wrote for @1dtrickortreatfest was inspired by the one and only time I tried melatonin.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Keep all your unfinished drafts, even if it seems unlikely you will ever finish them. You never know when the inspiration will strike.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I signed up as an author for @onedirectionbigbang for the first time this year! I am also an artist for two others and can't wait to see what these collaborations will bring

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I tag @disgruntledkittenface @lululawrence @allwaswell16 @voulezloux @red-pandaaa @reminiscingintherain @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @homosociallyyours @justanothershadeofblue @uhoh-but-yeah-alright and anyone else that wants to do this!

Past years (2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023)

[bitegore]

Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.

Don't do their work for them.

[burningcheese-merchant]

"Born from a unique blend of cheese and spice; the end result of a union between sworn enemies turned devoted lovers. His mother's face, his father's eyes... and blue wings, who would've thought? Pepper Jack Cookie is a kind and well-mannered boy, with a wit even sharper than the blade of his glaive and a deep sense of love and loyalty towards his family and his peoples. He's always been well aware of the high standard everyone holds him to, and does everything in his power to uphold it - to the point that some worry that he pushes himself too hard, without necessity. If he was to be completely honest with anyone, including himself, he might be willing to admit that he suffers quite a bit under the pressure, real and perceived... But regardless of his feelings, no matter what becomes of him, Pepper Jack Cookie continues forward, reaching for that sky he loves to soar through... All for the sake of those he cares for and wishes to protect and serve, as he knows he must."

(First person to come tell me whose feathers those are tied to his glaive will get to know a very big and important fact about our little heron boy here in exchange (also I'm sorry the feathers look like shit, I'll do better next time))

[lulu-draws-stuff]

Snowball fight

@curi0uscreature I was your secret santa ! I hope you like it :]

I didn't originally plan on doing a comic, but when I saw your prompts I had the clearest vision of this and just had to draw it

[adhdtsukasa]

tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.

[bloomshroomz]

Aromantic*

(Alternate Title: Shrödinger’s Romantic)

I keep wondering if “aromantic” is really a good word to describe my romantic orientation. I have plenty of reasons for why it is, but also plenty of reasons for why it might not be. Shrödinger’s romantic.

In order to know whether you experience romantic attraction or not, you first have to have a solid definition of what romantic attraction is. A definition which is clear, and also distinct from other forms of emotional attraction. I don’t think such a definition exists, or at least, it’s not commonplace.

“Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.” - UNC Chapel Hill LGBT Center

But what is romantic contact or interaction? Is it contact which is culturally considered romantic? In that case, the ways in which romantic attraction is defined would vary by culture, and even by gender. Or is it contact which one intends to be romantic? That would make sense, but is incredibly subjective. How do you know where to draw the line? What if you haven’t drawn one?

“[Romantic attraction] involves a combination of physical, sexual, and emotional feelings toward someone.” - WebMD

This definition is ridiculously vague, especially for a page which defines multiple other types of attraction in relation to romance. What physical feelings? What sexual feelings? What emotional feelings? What about alloromantic asexual people, or other varioriented people, who don’t necessarily experience sexual feelings as part of their romantic feelings?

But the article also defines aromanticism as “when you don’t have any desire for a romantic relationship,” so I can’t count on it for accuracy regardless.

“Romantic attraction is the internal pull that you experience when you are with someone with whom you internally feel connected, comfortable and interested in spending more of your life with.” - Choosing Therapy

Do people not feel connected to their friends? Do people not feel comfortable with their friends? Are people not interested in spending more of their life with their friends? Why else would people find time to connect with their friends, to confide in them, to engage with them? What about these feelings is distinctly romantic?

The article goes on to say this:

“Romantic relationships are relationships intentionally initiated and maintained for experiencing sexual and romantic feelings together, whereas platonic relationships are usually centered on another purpose like hobbies, friendship, support, work, etc. Romantic relationships can also include these purposes as well, but the platonic relationship excludes the romance and sexual feelings.” - Choosing Therapy

I ask again, what about alloaces and other varioriented people? What about people who have sex with their friends? Even when it’s taboo, it’s not unheard of. The distinction can’t be sex, so it has to be romance. So, what is romance?

Later in the article, it defines romance once again:

“Romantic attraction: The internal pull that draws your attention to the other person’s positive qualities, and your internal reaction to connect, love, share and spend time with them to have more romance.” - Choosing Therapy

I feel like I’m running in circles here. People draw their attention to the positive qualities of not just romantic interests, but to friends, family, and other people with whom they’d have no romantic interest. Connection, love, and spent time are not exclusive to romance either. If the goal is to have more romance… What is that?

Every answer I find fails to say what romance is on its own. The definitions always rely on presence or absence of sex, or other things which can just as easily be present in platonic or otherwise non-romantic contexts. Romantic attraction is consistently defined by things which are not distinctly romantic.

Is it even a real thing? I mean, I feel like it’s clearly not, but it’s also clearly very real to most people. Most people don’t think about it this hard. It’s like they were given a manual that I can never possess. It comes naturally to them. They feel romantic attraction, and they know, intuitively, that that’s what it is.

Is my lack of intuition evidence that I don’t experience romantic attraction, or am I just autistic? Maybe it’s both. When I described to my aunts my emotional attraction, they described my way of experiencing and perceiving attraction as very “intellectual,” which I initially rejected. But I think they were right. I lack the intuition to understand my feelings in any way that doesn’t involve a literal or metaphorical chart. It’s something I can’t just feel and then know like other people do.

Is romantic attraction always a “you’ll know it when you feel it” sort of thing? It seems like it. Even when I search “romantic attraction” on Google, many results either come from queer Fandom Wiki pages, discussions amongst a-spec people, Reddit, or Quora. Some results aren’t even relevant to the question, including multiple results which just describe what “aromantic” means. The opposite of what I intended to search for.

The thing is, I do have feelings which would likely be perceived as romantic to most people. I have a deep desire for commitment and companionship. To touch and be touched. To love and be loved. To be emotionally and physically intimate with other people. To feel the warmth of other people as we lay in bed together. To live out our mundane lives together. Things that most people would find incredibly romantic.

But are these things romantic if I don’t explicitly intend for them to be? Is it romantic for me to be open to it being romantic, without actively wanting that?

When I’ve described my feelings online, I’ve gotten mixed responses from other people, but I’ve generally been given similar advice from different strangers, and similar labels thrown at me, even when I hadn’t asked for advice or labels.

“I think you’d enjoy a queerplatonic relationship.”

“You might be cupioromantic.”

“You might be bellusromantic.”

And I can understand where they’re coming from. I don’t think they’re entirely wrong, either. I would enjoy a queerplatonic relationship… But not for any reason that wouldn’t apply to other committed relationship types. Queerplatonic relationships, platonic relationships, romantic relationships, and whatever else there is are the same to me in all but label.

Cupioromanticism is something I have considered. I made the flag for it when I was 15 years old as well (yes, the peach one with five stripes; I always asked to be credited anonymously), so I’m biased towards liking the flag. But the definition is “being aromantic, and also wanting a romantic relationship.”

I don’t specifically want a romantic relationship, but I do want committed relationships in general, and romantic relationships are included in that. So, maybe?

Bellusromantic is something I have also considered, and it also has a pretty flag. But I think it’s less accurate than cupioromantic. The definition is “being aromantic, and enjoying traditionally romantic things, but not wanting a romantic relationship (or not wanting a committed relationship, depending on the definition used).”

I do enjoy traditionally romantic things in a way which is not explicitly romantic, and I don’t explicitly want a romantic relationship. But I’m not opposed to romantic relationships, and I do explicitly want committed relationships.

I took some aro-spec tests, and my results had a tendency to skew towards cupioromantic, bellusromantic, and quoiromantic. Quoiromantic is another orientation which I have considered, and it might be the most accurate.

Quoiromantic is also aptly known as “whatromantic” or “WTFromantic” because the defining trait is that romantic attraction as a concept doesn’t make sense to you.

“[Quoiromantic], also known as [whatromantic] or [WTFromantic], is a [romantic] orientation defined by confusion, vagueness, and/or obscurity. A [quoiromantic] person may not understand or relate to the concepts of [romantic] attraction and/or [romantic] orientation. [Quoiromanticism] may involve confusion related to what [romance] is, whether or not one experiences [romantic attraction], and how to differentiate it from other forms of attraction. [Quoiromanticism] can also feel blurry and unclear, and may center around general confusion around one's identity and attraction. It can also refer to a lack of identification with [romantic] orientation as a concept, and can additionally serve as a label for people who cannot fit into more specific identities. [Quoiromanticism] can also refer to when one does not experience [romantic] attraction in a "traditional" manner. It is sometimes used as a catch-all term for people who know they're somewhere on the [aromantic] spectrum, but aren't sure where.” - An LGBTQIA+ Wiki (originally about quoisexuality; I changed some words.)

In a similar vein, pomoromantic (“pomo” being literally taken from “postmodern”) would also fit. My romantic orientation exists from a post-romantic perspective, where romance is understood to be made up bogus which isn’t actually fundamentally different from any other form of emotional connection.

“[Pomoromanticism] is defined as refusing, avoiding, or not fitting any [romantic] orientation label in terms of conventional labels or classifications, such as gay, lesbian, [biromantic], or [aromantic]. It challenges categorizations in favor of largely unmapped possibility and the intense charge that comes with transgression. Some [pomoromantic] people may be queer or questioning, and others may not be.” - Another LGBTQIA+ Wiki (originally about pomosexuality; I changed some words.)

But at that point, is it even worth labeling my romantic orientation? Should I just be bisexual/omnisexual? Maybe with a little asterisk at the end? Does any of this matter? Am I thinking too much? (I am.)

I think that continuing to identify as aromantic will probably close me off to potential relationships. I feel like the word gives people the wrong idea. At the same time, the way that I think about romance is fundamentally different than the way other people tend to, and I do consider my aromanticism to be a notable part of who I am and how I experience the world. Maybe I should just send this to whoever ends up being a potential partner. Probably more useful than any label.

[ghostoffuturespast]

Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...

[aithusarosekiller]

This is on my tiktok but I wanted to post it here too bc it's really been bugging me

The caption essentially said that if I see a characterisation I don't like (I used the example of big buff alpha remus) I just scroll because clearly the content was made for someone else and I'm not the target audience

[high-qualitymoron]

"wait, screenshot redraws are considered cringe? well, shi-"

idk if this counts as a redraw tbh. i’m just doing what i want. anyway i’ve been working on this the past couple weeks bc i liked the idea, still haven’t outlined in pen but whatever. happy cringetober

[cyellolemon]

So hhm here is a little teaser for the World is Mine mv i did with my ocs Olive and Ambrose! I will post the full mv in a week on Sunday, October 15th!

I have no idea how to create some hype but please look foward it, i worked a lot on this!! :3

(btw i've been lazy rn but the video will have english subtiles)

[fo-enjoyer]

So I made sillies!

Touch image for better quality

Go watch Monkey Wrench btw

[aberooski]

The way I have such a ridiculously hard time trying to draw when I'm not just drawing GX characters into scenes that already exist visually really makes me feel so unbelievably shitty I just want to be able to put things I picture in my head to the page without it looking like complete shit 9.5/10 times 😭

[leenesomewhatdraws]

Novembmas, Day 13: First Train / Favorites !

Transcription:

[Ingo brings a mug to Emmet working on his laptop on the couch]

(E) [Emmet] (1) "Yayy ! Thanks, you're the best !"

(I) [Ingo] (2) "So does that mean I'm your favorite brother ?"

(E) (3) "But you're the only one I have ?"

[Ingo puts his head on Emmet's and hugs him from behind the couch]

(I) (4) "But am Iiii ?"

(E) (5) "Of course you are"

(I) (6) "Well you're also my favorite brother"