#i want to have some self control lol some discipline

[ishizu-ka]

Shepherd D'mitiri & Sage Alyonushka

[p1utofairy]

PICK A CARD: BARBIE edition.

★ which one of your manifestations is coming towards you?

NOTE: take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. i feel like people are in need of some positivity and encouragement so here you go! 🍬

pile one.

hi pile 1 �� wow i feel like you have a very bright personality! it's so potent and beautiful. you can light up any room you walk into, and once you start seeing your beauty for what it truly is, that's when you'll really become a magnet for the things you desire. i feel like you've come out of some deep situations that left you confused or wondering about your true purpose in this lifetime – but don’t let anyone or any situation ever dim your light or take away your power. your soul purpose is really special and i think you’ve been looking for clarity or some sort of answer/solution to this lack that you’re feeling in your soul. you will definitely receive a message and/or an answer to what you’ve been seeking to find. i see this manifestation being a dream come true, pile 1.

you’ve put the work in and now you’re about to reap the benefits of your labor. this could be a new job, career path/major, business opportunity or an increase in your finances. your spirit guides want you to put yourself out there and say YES to whatever this message might be. you already have the motivation and desire for it, so it just requires you to take action and be confident in your choices in order to receive it. you might downplay yourself a lot or make self-deprecating jokes that ultimately put you in a lack mindset. i’m hearing “psh…yeah right. i doubt something as extravagant and nice as that would happen to me.” but why? whose to say what tomorrow will bring? your guides want you to lean more into your optimism and have faith in yourself, and understand that you truly deserve all the great things that are about to unfold in your life.

you know how to make light of situations, so use that to your advantage. i feel like you have a great sense of humor lol but be kinder to yourself okay? it can be really tough when life starts throwing curve balls at you, but it’s what you choose to make of it. as phil dunphy from ‘modern family’ said, “if life gives you lemonade - make lemons and life will be all like whaaaaat?!” so go out there and show the world what you’re made of!

pile two.

heyyy pile 2! i feel like you're coming out of a period of grief or a loss of some sort – a powerful transformation. i feel like this is more about letting go of a toxic mindset and freeing yourself from negative energy/situations rather than on a physical level. for some of you, a loved one could have recently passed or a connection you had with someone ended but i think it’s more so that you’re in a period of transition and starting to accept things for what they truly are. you’re no longer letting anything or anyone hold you back. you’re gaining momentum in your life path, and your spirit guides are so very proud of you!

they see how much it’s taken you to get to this point in your journey. it’s taken a lot of patience and discipline, but you’ve persevered and made it through - and for that you will be rewarded. i feel like you’ve been trying to manifest a change of some sort…whether that be physically moving out, going on a vacation/traveling, going out more or just a genuine change in your everyday life; i’m happy to say that you will be receiving that! you’ve been slowly but surely focusing on yourself and nourishing your mind, body and soul. you’re now starting to realize that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to…you might be seeing a lot of signs/confirmations like angel numbers, repeating patterns, symbols or animals.

you’re starting to realize that surrender is key - not everything can be in our control and sometimes that’s a tough pill to swallow but that’s just the way of life and it usually works out in our best interest in the long run. a flow of abundance is on its way to you. you can manifest anything you want in this lifetime, it just comes down to your mindset and the power of your words. continue to be at ease and let your actions speak for itself, you don’t have to prove or explain yourself to anyone. you’re on the brink of success and it’s coming in fast, just make sure to always stay grounded and remember where you came from. heavy is the head that wears the crown; you know what you’re capable of and what you deserve so don’t let the pressure and weight of life hold you down. keep moving forward, it’s all going to work out in your favor.

pile three.

pile 333 i just wanna give y'all a hug 🥲 y'all are really going through it right now. heavy water sign energy. do y'all have any pisces, cancer or scorpio in your chart? i get the sense of someone laying in bed…just staring at the ceiling like why? why me? you're trying to process a lot of intense emotions and center your energy, but it's taking a toll on you right now. you feel very alone and and unsure if you can talk to anyone about this. not even trying to be funny, but yeah it's giving existential crisis barbie.

if you've seen the ‘barbie’ movie, you know the scene where barbie just gives up and lays down flat on the ground and they're like "she's not dead. she's just having an existential crisis." 😃 real AF but no no no you gotta quiet down your mind. you can 100% feel and process your way through these emotions, but don't let them take control over you and make you feel like you’re doing something wrong or like you’re not doing enough – release that negative energy! i feel like your mind is going a mile per minute, and you can’t even form a rational thought without getting upset. in terms of your manifestation, i feel like you’re really craving love right now. you’re ready to go out there and bag the person of your dreams, but your guides just want you to first take this time to quiet your mind and trust in them & second believe that love is going to find you no matter what. don’t force it…don’t question it — believe it.

you could’ve had a couple of instances where you thought it was the real thing, but it turned out to be really disappointing and not what you wanted. that’s your spirit guides telling you that you can’t force it. this new relationship will find you naturally and it will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of plus more! this person will not only be your lover, but they’ll be your best friend and your confidant. you will feel absolutely liberated and comfortable to take on any challenge with them by your side. however, you need to let this wave of emotions pass and understand that what’s meant for you will NEVER pass you. you got this my pile 333's 🦋 it will be in reach soon.

[astrologanize]

pick a card : what making out with you feels like for them ᡣ𐭩…

could be someone you're already seeing or your future person, whatever it is...whoever you are asking about...this is what it feels like for them (: *please take a moment to take a deep breath and choose the image you are most drawn towards*

for pile 1 ✩˚

well, hello there. while trying to channel and synthesize this spread i thought about how this pile has something very instinctive going on within the makeout sessions, there's viscera, and cillian murphy came to mind somehow?? he does have a very mars look imo so maybe that's why, but it reminded me of a gif that i believe is from peaky blinders (never seen the show but i exist on tumblr so...) that i will add (it's a lil nsfw i guess?). anyhow. when it comes to your makeouts with this person, it feels like a nice balance of release and control for them because on one hand they do feel very disarmed while making out with you but at the same time they're acting deliberately - which is why instinct is coming through...it's like having a flow of reflexive movement. i'm not seeing you two going crazy and having vigorous kisses, there is a slowness to it, there's a building of inertia. making out with you makes them feel like their life is in their hands, their free will is palpably felt, and it brings out a sort of self-discipline in them

for pile 2 ✩˚

this person looooooves making out with you, they feel like they're having a movie moment when you guys are kissing, and the connection itself is what is at the forefront when they're kissing you. this seems like someone who hasn't had great experiences with romance and making out with you imbues them with so much hope. it's like if this person had a horribly messy breakup a couple years prior, they were with someone for quite a while and it ended up turning into a nightmare that left an ugly mark and they became jaded by it. making out with you feels like a rebirth - they don't feel afraid, they feel uninhibited, their cup is wonderfully full. they are not in the slightest bit doubtful of how they feel for you and they are certain that they want this; when they kiss you it will feel like a sweet plead - please love me back. there is no ego when it comes to kissing you because they are happily willing to give their all. making out with you does help them to move on from any residual gunk they've been dealing with

for pile 3 ✩˚

what is wanting to come through strongly is that this person is the one somehow taking the lead in the makeout session because when they're making out with you they feel firm, they feel empowered, they're like 'i got this'. lol...funnily enough though, whatever it is about making out with you...they don't expect it to go the way it does and it throws them off their game. something about making out with you is new for them, there's a notable oscillation happening within them, an internal battle of hot n cold energy. the makeout session itself won't be all over the place, once you start making out you guys just keep going at a constant and indefinite pace. this person is probably used to getting what they want/doing what they want/being reckless, this person is hardened - they keep their feelings in check and like being in control. & even though they feel in control while making out with you and do like feeling as such, there's something about making out with you that wakes them up and brings out a softer side. making out with you feels like a stream of consciousness for them

for pile 4 ✩˚

this is my fun makeout sesh pile 😛

what you guys say to each other before/during making out is being highlighted so maybe there's some steamy words being exchanged, some sweet talkin' perhaps. y'alls makeout session(s) involves experimenting, it's messy, it's sloppy, there's coloring outside the lines, it's an indulgence and you guys change things up during it. it does seem like this is more casual and that this person might be hesitant to take things further. this may be someone who is really attached to their independence and/or is perpetually single so even though they're having fun with it, they are holding back and not giving their all. making out with you is going to make them try to consider and factor feelings into the equation, they may just take the leap for once

love this song for pile 4

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Yandere! Revenant harem w/ "queen" darling

A/N: ya'll won't leave me alone about this damn harem lol. ! jkjk I love ya'll but idek what to really add onto the harem stuff like please...I'm dying here. please eat this while I finish my requests.

requests: always open for my baby girls

Warnings: Ya'll should be famillair with the type of time I'm on

masterlist

hypothetically...let's say the original harem failed at protecting you and the revenants won and took you captive *tbh that's the only reason they came*

The revenant harem is all about teamwork, that's why they won. None of them mind sharing you and serving you is their sole purpose of living..well being undead?

You were their prize before they died and now in their afterlife, you are the only thing they can think about. They must protect their living darling from suffering their same fate. You are their queen now, they'll stop at nothing to prove that to you. Before they were playing fair, letting you choose who you wanted but they are done waiting. They are all yours to love.

Once captured by the harem, you will no longer have any life outside of them. You are not going anywhere. They hate the thought of you interacting with the outside world. Seriously, you are on lockdown. They even hate the idea of you visiting your family. They are your family.

were you a champion? Oh, well you're no longer allowed to ever fight or train again. They forbid you because they were all skilled and dedicated their lives to it but now look at them..you cannot get hurt.

Actually anything remotely dangerous is a no go.

There's never a second when you're alone, they're enamored by you. They've most likely built an entire castle for you, fit with a throne only you may be allowed to sit on. bouquets of flowers and jewels gifted at your feet. They bow in your presence and cannot wait to throw themselves at any opportunity to do something for you.

Anything..please anything you want. They'll gladly go to war for you and take over the entirety of the outworld for your ruling. Just say the words and they'd do it. You deserve to be Kahn with your ever so graciousness.

say jump and they'll say how high. If you never felt like walking again your feet won't ever have to touch that filthy ground ever again.

Don't let this fool you though, they are absolutely insane. They are still dangerous yanderes who will collectively punish you for any signs of disobedience. Don't run away, don't fight back or reject them..

Actually...do fight back. come on..they dare you. They love it when their queen plays rough. Who wouldn't want to be punched by you? They'll taunt and mock you while your weak self tries to fight them ...you're hilarious. If you are super powerful and is actually causing trouble, you will be punished by the more intense characters. Do you think you're getting past Raiden?

"A shame I had to use such intense force to subdue you. Although you are very dear to us, do not think for a second are exempt from proper discipline. Your fate will be shortly decided."

punishments range from you having some luxuries revoked to being dropped off in the living forest and left there to fend for yourself for a couple of hours.

You got the absolute worst version of every-single character...like a harem that consists of REVENANT Dark Raiden and Noob Saibot is a harem you def don't wanna mess around and find out with.

I know in the previous harem it seemed like every girl's dream..yeah no. Not this one.

Oh and they also like to control what you wear. Elaborate regal clothing is their favorite, especially with a huge headpiece. Your schedule is also controlled throughout the day. They have everything perfectly balanced to fairly share you and to take shifts protecting your castle. Occasionally though, some will get into fights with each other when one is a bit more needy and tries to hog up your time. The most sought-after time though is when you're either getting ready in the morning or settling down in the evening. To be the one to brush your hair or to help you out of your ridiculous garments is an honor.

I like to imagine that when you sleep, they all gather around your bed, admiring your beauty. none of them are allowed to sleep on your bed, They'll just huddle on the floor around it. reminds me of the quote "sleeping on your floor is better than sleeping in my bed." They all have their own rooms but rather be near you.

they're so far gone, you have to remind them every time you need to use the restroom that no. they cannot follow you in.

"Johnny, no. I need some privacy please."

*on his knees* "But my sweetheart...I just want to offer you some assistance."

"johnny- i have to pee..."

This way of life is completely normal...that's what they keep telling you at least..That their actions are innocent. Oh they just can't bear a second without you, bullcrap. So manipulative. They are still the same grimy men as before lol

Especially Kano and Erron..somehow death just made them have less of a filter.

Do you think Lui Kang, Kung Lao, Hanzo, and Kuai forced the monks and both clans into being your personal army? They're so damn corrupt.

They'll instantly kill anyone who dares to even look at you. It's only their special privilege. Their head will be gifted to you on a silver platter to show their undying devotion. Are you crying? did you not like their gift? They're sorry. Would you have preferred something more?

Speaking of you being upset, if someone in the harem causes you distress they'll be exiled after punishment...that is if they survived it.

[brittle-doughie]

Taking a break from angst-time for some good Ole fashion family drama!

I'd like to request a scenario where a matriarch relative from Y/N's family roping them into an arranged marriage with an upper-class cookie (whoever it is up to you)

Said relative is introduced coming to the kingdom where they try to take y/n cookie to their would-be-fiance, only to notice a plethora of cookies either following, stalking, or budding in on their "familial reunion."

P.s. Hope your having a safe belated new year, brittle-doughie! Your the best

- 🥀 Anon

Forced Connections

Much appreciated, my dude. Arranged marriages pretty much spell disaster for the would-be spouse if you run a kingdom!

Crowned Cupcake Cookie, that was the name of the cookie in the photograph sent to you, the one you were apparently meant to be wedded with for the sake of “keeping the doughline pure”, as Sugar Cane Cookie, your family’s matriarch, would put it.

AN: Many thanks to Runebrave for massively carrying with the design, as you guys may know, I don’t have a single creative bone in my body lol

Your mother, Molasses Cookie, couldn’t be any more embarrassed that her side of the family is meddling with your personal life, wanting you to choose how you want to live it, wanting you to choose who you want to be with…but Sugar Cane Cookie insisted.

She was expected to arrive with Crowned Cupcake Cookie soon, which means having to break the news to your Cookie Kingdom before they did. They deserved to know…

You opened the door to your quarters to see Financier Cookie standing by, she gave a small bow to you.

“Y/N Cookie, I see that you are alright today. It gives me relief knowing that you haven’t gotten hurt.”

And it helps to know that a cookie like her is always keep watch over you, when she makes it to the schedule at least. Quite a number of cookies are always gunning to make your bodyguard spot such as Caramel Arrow or Raspberry Cookie, had to break up a few scuffles on occasion.

But that’s a topic for another day, you’d rather you give her the news of what’s to come..

You tell Financier Cookie to be ready, for your kingdom will have…important guests arriving soon..

“I’ll be sure to be on my best behavior and that will go for the other cookies. May I ask who these guests are?”

It will be your family matriarch, Sugar Cane Cookie…and your soon-to-be fiancé, Crowned Cupcake Cookie-

You see Financier Cookie stop in her tracks, a thousand yard stare straight ahead, as her grip on her sword shakes.

“….What?”

Now now, you know that sounds like a big shocker already, but it’s being forced upon you and you really can’t-

“A forced marriage…as if the circumstances can’t get any worse…”

You asked for her to please settle down, this was beyond your control once it was made known to be an order in your family!

Financier’s grip on her sword tightens up as she takes deep breathes, indicating the hidden rage that was boiling inside her

“Don’t worry about it, self-discipline is something I need to practice for anyway…just don’t expect me to be cordial with this…fiancé of yours if she steps out of line…”

If Financier could get like this, there’s no telling how the others will be…

———————————————————————

Jealousy is hitting Kouign-Amann Cookie when she learns of the news. What kind of cookies were your family to try and set you up with something arranged?! As opposed to..what your heart wants..

She can proudly boast that her skills as a Paladin exceeds what this visitor can do for you, anything crossing your path can just meet her sword! What can this visitor do? Because they probably won’t be able to do as much compared to Kouign!

Not giving up is also another part of being a Paladin! Nothing this newcomer can say or do will deter her at all, even if it ends up in a fight! Because Kouign is more than willing to put this cookie six feet under if they push their luck…

———————————————————————

Almond Cookie is on the case. Not only was this arranged marriage done without an agreement on your end, but you weren’t even on a first name basis with this other cookie? This has gotten him on high alert that required a whole lot of coffee, he’ll need it if he’s to dedicate his time to this problem.

He’ll be right there with you for when your arranged spouse has entered the station. The safety of the Cookie Kingdom’s ruler is of the upmost importance to everyone, including him. Especially him. He felt like being your barrier, the wall of protection that you can count on!

And..just reading on whatever files he can scrape on up on this Crowned Cupcake Cookie…he’ll definitely need to be on guard for whatever she has planned or would be ready to do. He’s more than happy to slap her in cuffs if she so much as LOOKS suspicious..

———————————————————————

Did this mean you won’t be able to come to her picnics anymore? You’ll be giving all your time to Crowned Cupcake Cookie?

It was a pretty unfortunate realization for Cherry Blossom Cookie, she felt like what you and her had was going pretty nicely. It just felt like a pain to her heart to suddenly lose that connection to a cookie she’s never heard about.

She can’t just deny your future spouse a picnic though. In fact…she very much would like to invite her to the best picnic! She promises to make Cupcake’s food R E A L S P E C I A L to commemorate the occasion. She’ll make it so good, it would be to D I E for…

��——————————————————————

Your cookies could only internally cringe when Crowned Cupcake arrived on the train and was already hovering around you. She went on a long speech about the fairy tale romance of a princess meeting the one she loves being a reality for her. Financier’s self-discipline was TESTED with how much Crowned was putting her hands on you.

Almost as if she sensed it, Crowned Cupcake started to giggle, her back towards the envious crowd of cookies. She turned back towards them, with wide eyes and creepy smile, her right eye twitching.

“Oh? Am I sensing objections between me and my dearest being together…? If that’s the case…”

She put away her staff…before slowly pulling out a sword from behind her, with dry strawberry jam staining the blade, her smile growing more deranged.

“I’m more than happy to settle any differences. Dungeon or execution..? Hehe…”

[graytodd]

Dare I say, one of my favorite things about Dick's Jason-complex is that Dick is the world's biggest control freak, in some ways moreso than even Bruce. But Jason? Jason is probably the ONE person alive who can snap Dick's control at easily intentionally or otherwise. No one pisses Dick off faster than Jason but no one drives Dick crazier than Jason either. Dick prides himself on his insane levels of discipline and self-control but the moment he first locks lips with Jason he PHYSICALLY struggles with keeping it together. Definition of "i need to stop now because if we keep going i won't be able to stop myself". Listen, consent is sexy af alright but idc people are lying if they say seeing a control freak LOSE it over the one person who makes them insane isn't hot af.

(btw, always wanted to know whats ur headcanons for how the whole dickjay relationship starts. How long is the yearning on each side? When did it stop becoming innocent for each of them?)

Dear anon, you just described one of my favorite base-on-canon, headcanon here; a control freak like Dick fucking Grayson, Bruce's favorite Robin, the oldest and wisest of the Bats, who punches Joker to death when the clown makes the huge mistake of provoking his self-control by mentioning Jason's name, or more! when Bruce drugs and manipulates Jason with fear toxin and Dick nearly beats him to death ? the idea that goldie-boy can challenge B's authority and break his rules, hiw own rules! makes him a complex character, dangerous and extremely attractive as a few.

Having said that, I will dwell on my Dickjay pre-relationship headcanon now 😎 based on possessive!control-freak Dick losing it over Jason, something I've tried portraying in this art of mine. Cause Jason's high maintenance, a demanding boy; he'd been taught discipline since he became Robin but he's never listened to Bruce's authority as he'd accept Dick's leadership. This brat has a huge crush on Dick, but it's just a kid, I mean, something innocent. But when Jason comes back his urge to tease Dick becomes kindled by a desire to see his composure give way. Jason loves to provoke Dick, to piss him off, to be the reason that Dick isn't able to stop himself from - !! something that starts with bantering and making innocent innuendoes, cause Jason isn't experienced on tha matter, but still enjoys get into trouble lol until Dick loses his grip and he's all over Jason, and Jason realizes he cannot breath anymore🫣​Dick's still a control-freak, intimacy included. To be added to this headcanon Dick being a jealous possessive shit especially after they finally crossed the line; when Jason got all marked up as his own aahhh so satisfying ~ and Jason'd let him take the lead, partly because he has no other choice lol the boy must submit ~

[subskz]

might sound a little far and impossible, but leaving hannie in a cock cage for a full year, how would that turn out?

oh wow 🫢 imagining this for hannie of all ppl is esp crazy when he’s arguably the whiniest most easily worked up most relentlessly horny of the boys…but let’s suspend our disbelief for a min hehe

i think you’d need some unshakable resolve to pull this off w him bc hanji’s neediness isn’t for the faint of heart! he wants to be a good boy more than anything, but his discipline is a lil lacking, which is probably how he ended up in this situation in the first place lol

he’s not above begging, physically clinging to you, or even crying to convince you to please just remove it and let him cum, just this once, and then you can lock him back up n he won’t even think abt asking again until you decided to take pity on him. once it reaches a certain point (probably just a few weeks in, if we’re being honest 😭) he already has absolutely no shame or self-control left in him and he swears he’ll do anything for you just for a little bit of relief ): but despite his constant whining and fussing, he never once uses his safeword. even at his most desperate, a part of him still loves having all his pleasure in your hands like that, it’s strangely gratifying ♡ and he kinda likes how pathetic he feels each time you shut him down and scold him for being so desperate

ofc you’d regularly have to take it off for cleaning n hygeine purposes, n hannie needs to be watched like a hawk during that time bc it’s like the ultimate test for him. that’s definitely when his pleading gets the most difficult to endure. watching him shudder and gasp over every little touch as he cleans himself (or maybe if u really wanna bully him, wash him yourself so he can feel your hand brushing against his dick without giving him what he’s really aching for) he’d fix you w his most irresistible teary doe eyes and whimper softly for you to just touch him just a little more. the worst torture for him would definitely be wearing his cage while he eats you out, bc he gets so so into that he eventually gets hard, and it’s pure agony for him to try and grind down into the mattress w no relief 💔 he might even rile himself up so much that he cums like that, untouched in his cage, and he’s so so disappointed w himself afterwards bc not only did he mess up, it also didn’t feel nearly as good as when you make him cum ): whether or not you punish him for it is up to you, bc he technically didn’t break any rules

and when it’s finally time to remove it, you’ve got the most grateful baby on earth. he’s clinging to you like crazy, promising he’ll do anything you want if only you’ll just touch him! he’d whine so loudly if you made fun of him for how his cock shrunk a lil after all that time in his cage, you wonder if he’ll even be able to please you with it~ but as a reward for lasting so long w only a few mistakes along the way, he gets to cum as many times as his lil heart desires that night. he’s even more insatiable than usual, he doesn’t want to stop until every last drop is drained from his system and his brain is completely broken w nothing to think of but how good you’re making him feel. he doesn’t even complain when you overstimulate him or barely give him the chance to recover before riding him again or taking his dick back into your hand to play w him some more 💓 he’s just happy to finally have all your attention on him again

[cemetegee]

Ianthe and ADHD...

This post includes a theory that I've never seen so far (on a serious base), but that seems (as the Worst Case of ADHD that's ever lived lol) pretty obvious to me. It's no secret that many of the characters are some sort of neurodiversity-coded and I have seen the ADHD theory for basically almost every cavalier... (I wonder fandom *looking at you* if it's just a coincidence that ADHD is only connected to muscle work and not to bookish necros... Because I fear it's not. I know where that comes from but it's fucking hurting) However, anyway. For this post I have no other choice than to ride on the edge of the knife of text-based character analysis and self-projecting. Have fun! I'd actually LOVE to think what others think of this theory.

1. A Stupefying Deficit of Attention

The certainly most obvious sign in this context is the "Alas. I have a bad personality and a stupefying deficit of attention" quote. At this point is to state that she 1) REALLY shows that she has that deficit of attention, and secondly... well. You could argue that it's just her build up character she plays in the Ianthe-Corona-dynamic. And she is really in many things more a character than a real person. (Ahahdgdggd masking) But! If you'd build up a character that lets your codependent twin shine - and it's a character you'd have to play all the time - wouldn't you choose a role that's easy to play? For example, if you are really unable to concentrate on some things for a longer time, you could just use it as a sign "of your bad personality"? I think I would do it.

(Especially, since claiming things that are out of your control as being villainy is an effective protection from being hurt for them. People will attack the villain you are not, so you don't have to feel hurt and you have chosen this form of attack, because it's okay for you, because you keep your power and... *Ianthe Ianthe Ianthe* control over the situation)

2. Being bitchy

Sorry haha. This point is maybe formulated a bit provocatively - but it fits perfectly because provocation is exactly where I want to go with it. Provocating others gives dopamine and dopamine feels good. Ianthe has in almost every sentence little insultings - and I think it's because it makes talking more interesting to her. And also, it reassures her immediatly about the opinion others have of her. But! There is also another deeper reason. That reason is called vulnerability.

Vulnerability is obviously not a good choice for surviving on the Third. But I think it's especially hard for someone with heavy ADHD. Ianthe's needs have surely *not* been important on the Third. She has pain resistance level over 9000 and can believable pretend to be two necromancers with specialisation on fleshmagic (what's only her *side* discipline). Reaching that is just not possible if you regard and care for your needs. Absolutely impossible. But communicating your needs is - from my experience - especially hard if you're an ""intelectual"" with ADHD. And to understand that, we have to understand something about ADHD:

It's for some reason a hardly killable opinion that people with ADHD are less inteligent at all. That's not true. The total IQ with classical IQ tests is in fact in studies lower, but if you split it you'll see that it's because of some kind of... learning disorder. The working memory and the processing speed are lower and that makes a lower total IQ, but says nothing about the capacity of the mind with ADHD if it has time to think about things (or - from my experience - is relaxed).

And if you have a talent for something... for example - to come back to Ianthe - necromancy people tend to forget or not realise that you need time to think about things. Because... you need in some things maybe less time than them - what's only because your talent for it, your general processing speed is still lower - and so they think you need for all things the time you need for necromantic theorems. Not true.

And that has a strange sideeffect in Ianthe's case. Her talent is obviously "necromancy" and not "talking about her emotions". The generally lower processing speed of her mind (if it had ADHD) would afford time to observe her feelings and then think about what those observations could mean. But nobody - and I bet you too, dear reader - would expect that of her. So everyone would expect an answer immediately. And a true answer is impossible under that circumstances.

When an answer is expected where no answer can be given (yet) without showing a difference between usual souverenity and the need to think about it, it results in just saying anything that comes in mind. Ianthe has that heavily. The best example for it is the bathroom scene:

IANTHE! WHAT IN HELL is that for a reaction?!

This scene is a symbol to me for what I've described before. An overwhelming situation happens (Harrow is hurt and besides of that naked) and Ianthe just says... anything that makes absolutely no sense in that situation. There is literally no resonable reason why you would say that... Except if you have ADHD and say just anything, because you feel like you'd have something to say, but no idea what to say.

And besides of that when the (non neccessary sense-making or real) answer to the question is given, there's no need to think about it anymore. That's obviously not conducive for reflecting your sensations. AND GUESS WHO'S TOTALLY INCABLE OF DEALING WITH THEIR EMOTIONS? HA! HA! 3/3 points and I kiss your heart when your answer is "Ianthe".

I mean, Ianthe is really not good at... not only DEALING with her emotions but also with... recognizing them.

Ianthe... the mysterious reason why you say that is, that you like Harrow and are therefore worried about her. And you're 22 - it's somehow heartbreaking that you don't know that...

And that doesn't only show that I'm right about my point - Ianthe can't express and recognize her feelings, I say because she's never got time to think about them (and also because of: ThirdTM) - but also an other typical sign of ADHD. You say things without intending to say them? Sounds like... as if you had a lack of impulse control.

(Although I've lately wondered - ATTENTION: PRIVATE THOUGHT - if impulse control and less processing speed are not in some way kind of the same thing... Anyway.)

3. Intense Feelings

A thing most people probably wouldn't connect to ADHD are Intense Feelings also known as Emotional Dysregulation. That's - in my opinion, from my personal experience - a very ugly term to describe a very beautiful thing. I'm a very sensitive human. If I read things I like it's a whole-body-experience and I can literally not watch the "classical" type of shows because it's corporally too much. I'd actually wish others to have the same emotional capacity than me. But to come back to Ianthe:

Ianthe is - and please hear me out, it'll make sense, I promise - a very sensitive person. It's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to speak her Love is Posession speak, without having a huge lot of sentimentalism. She cries herself to sleep every night, what is a sign that she has much pity for herself. (What's fair, I mean, she has lived through a lot of terrible things, like getting an arm cutted off or traveling through the river. Also, nobody else on the Mithraeum would have done that for her.) She is obviously fond of not to say: in love with, Harrow and her logical and immediate conclusion is to think: "OMG, I have to marry her!" (Also, she really is a drama queen in her way lol. I mean: look at her mind-stage!)

(If you'd like to know how a sensitive person as for example Ianthe can do such hard things as she does, you should maybe read my post about her repressed feelings and my post about Corona's suic⛪️de threats :))

If you are a very sensitive person, you always have to pay attention on your, let's call it, overwhelming-level. You have to control how much sensations you're exposed to, otherwise you'll be overwhelmed.

*Chrmm, chrrmmm, control, Ianthe, control, she never can loose the reins.*

Ianthe can in fact never let go her control - her protection - and that could be one reason for it.

4. Zero patience

Ianthe doesn't seem to be a person mit much patience. In fact, it seems always like a fight when Harrow tries to get her attention for something. Here an example:

Ianthe, even if you think The Walking Cytherea could be a side effect of the lobotomy you participated in - you REALLY could hear Harrow out, she seems to be worried... But... Maybe you REALLY can't...

Her patience as limited ressource appears also in the lobotomy chapter. It's a fight to hold it:

I think we can say that Ianthe really has not much patience in these regards (and her urge to be the FIRST Lyctor doesn't speak for much patience either lol - although she maybe has some patience is other regards) and can therefore count as a sign for ADHD.

5. The Villain Syndrome

Ahh, this point I was looking forward to the whole time while making this post. It is, I have to admit, mostly based on my personal experience and observations I've made recently - I have no evidence for it, besides of that it's logical. But I found it too interesting to not mention it.

ADHD is obviously not so "villian coded" in the eyes of the wide society than other neurodiversities are. But that's not exactly what I mean either. My whole post is basically about the fact that common signs of ADHD can be interpreted as being villainly in regard to Ianthe. And that's very important - they are interpreted as purposely being evil (or at least annoying.)

People with ADHD often have problems at school (and maybe at work later), they have a higher probability to get addicted to drugs, they more often do criminal things, and so on - with other words: they are often seen as "system breaker" and delinquents. Because the signs for ADHD are threated as you would do "bad things" on purpose. And you have most likely no support system to avoid that - Ianthe surely hasn't.

I recently listened to a podcast where a guy said something like "In my mind I'm always the evil one - the villain - because that's what the world told me - that I'd be the villain" and I thought it was pretty interesting because I feel the same - without an obvious reason.

And I think if you have ADHD it's not unlikely that you get the idea, that you are *the villain* - especially regarding what I said earlier. Either because people will tell you you'd be evil or because you'll tell yourself that you'd be evil. (I mean, it's surely no coincidence that there is also a connection between ADHD and OCD - what's basically just telling yourself that you'd be responsible for (what means: guilty on) everything.) I call this feel of being the villain The Villain Syndrome.

AND OH MY GOD, IANTHE HAS THE VILLAIN SYNDROME!!! She literally says it herself all the time. "Paint me as the villain", "The outnumbered, overpowered hero against the narcisstic villain"... And she obviously plays the role of the bad twin (even if she's very likely the lessbadtwin). Ianthe, you're not the villain, you have ADHD (and to stop doing things like killing your cav lol.) I genuinly think if you weren't trapped in the TLT universe there'd be hope for you...

(BY THE WAY, I'd love to hear if someone else has experience with The Villain Syndrome or finds themself in my description.)

Conclusion

To conclude: Ianthe very likely has ADHD. That is *THE BIG POINT* I wanted to make. We see it in her stupefying deficit of attention, her "bitchy behavior ;)", her intense feelings, her lack of patience und especially in her villain syndrome. I surely could find more points, but I think that's enough evidence for one post (also, it's the longest post I've ever made and I don't know if there's a word limit for posts :D) I'd LOVE to hear what you think about it, ESPECIALLY if you have ADHD yourself, and... well. Now at the end, I feel remembered of what Ianthe said in a fic I've read recently. It was something like: "I'd like to make a revolutionairy point now, but I fear I don't have one..." So I'll just say: Have a nice day my friendos :)

[karlachismylife]

UHMMM HIIIII this is @valscodblog but her main acc!!

AND IM IN DESPRATE NEED OF HEADCANNONS-LIKE FLUFFY ONES FOR SOAP AND KARLACH.

like-who cooks?? who cleans??? just homey fluffy headcannons <3

love, Val <3

HI PRECIOUS oh you just know how to make a fella happy, thank you for asking about them T_T honestly, i think while they're actively adventuring with the whole party and task force they don't do shit >< like, they're not that irresponsible, there's just always someone who does chores more efficiently, leaving these two ADHD sweethearts to forage, hunt, stay on watch and participate in wood chopping or some other shit requiring a lot of strength and not so much thoughts. but when they somewhat settle down in their own little home...

Two of us wearing raincoats

Domestic fluff with Karlach x Soap

CW: a bit suggestive in some parts, title from a Beatles song, some self-projecting headcanons.

UPD: corrected some wrong facts.

cooking is definitely in Soap's reign. while scottish cuisine can be extravagant sometimes (i swear, i love scotland for a lot of things, but what the fuck are they eating oh my god T_T), Karlach is definitely not a picky eater and will stuff herself full with whatever her love puts on her plate. the only requirements are for it to have meat and be in large quantities, and those are easily ticked off. however, she actually genuinely likes a lot of dishes Johnny whips out seemingly with random ingredients! always on duty since a very young age and ten years in hell, Karlach barely remembers what a home-cooked meal tastes like, so for her to just smell something cooking in the kitchen or just outside the porch if it's outdoor meal day makes it already the best she's ever had. add the sheer adoration and giddiness she feels whenever Soap takes care of her, and she's right there, a dreamy look in her eyes and tail coiling around Johnny's ankle when he allows Karlach to hug him from behind and steal a bite of the garnish. she can cook, meat especially, but she just never learnt any fun recipes, so she can only watch, learn or guess how to add a little more flavour to a simple steak. unless you want a fried imp on a stick, that's her specialty (tastes awful and it's not her fault).

also, Johnny definitely knows how much Karlach likes seeing him wear an apron and does it as often as he can. it's not as much a sexy thing (although there are plenty times when there's just the apron and he earns himself a hefty slap on that bare ass- okay, we'll discuss that another time, hehe), but that same domestic feeling that they both miss, each for their own reasons. he definitely has the "kiss the chef" one and gets all his tips for good service in kisses and grabby clawed hands squishing his sides while Karlach stays pressed to him from behind.

when Karlach does cook though, Soap is not allowed the same privileges of being handsy on the account of it always ending up in their food burnt. even if she was boiling some eggs for breakfast. Karlach is best girl at everything except self-control around her beloved soldier, doesn't matter if they've been married for thirty years already, she cannot resist his touch, so Johnny's banished to serving plates and salivating over the frying smells and a good view of Karlach's rear.

cleaning, on the other hand, is more of a Karlach's thing, even though they are both shit at it (ADHD go brrr, you know). they both can stay disciplined and ready for duty at all times, but what surrounds them is utter chaos most of the time, which, honestly, only makes their remarkable service all the more impressive. they're just used to it, mugs of tea strategically forgotten on random surfaces only to be conveniently found at the right time (hours later, yes, but Karlach can heat it back up rather quickly lol), clothers scattered around, hanging from chairs in piles so thick that it's uncomfortable to sit on said chairs, dishes stacking up into leaning towers... Karlach gets the dark urge almost always first. probably at some other important task's expence, but she will hyperfocus and scrub the whole house until it's squeaky clean and her back is a bit sore.

however, they both enjoy doing the dishes! for Soap it's an act of service, for Karlach just a prefect mindless task to get her hands busy and let her thoughts wander (and a source for Soap puns, yes), they don't fight for it of course, but sometimes Johnny does them despite having also prepared dinner. he honestly isn't that bothered about splitting every chore fifty/fifty, if Karlach ever raises concern, he just shrugs and tells her he wouldn't let her lift a finger around the house if it was up to him - or that she pulls more weight in other areas (like the gym, lol. does she bench press more than him? she very much might...)

favourite position - cuddled up wherever they find enough space for their two huge bodies to be squished together. pathological cuddlers. will absolutely spend some of their free time just lounging like two couch potatoes, arms locked around each other and - yes, you guessed it - fidgeting. cuddling before sleep, after sex, in the morning, after coming home, when having a bad day, a good day, a neutral day, no day... Soap gets to be little spoon so often and he loves it just as much as pressing up against one particular red tail and holding his palm over the calm engine. getting up in the morning can be tricky since they often get dragged back and cuddled to death by a protesting cuddle monster muttering about five more minutes.

they need, like, an alaska king size bed just so they don't push each other off. absolute menaces to sleep with: it starts so sweet, hands holding, legs tangled up and one thrown over the other's hips, Karlach's tail holding onto Johnny's waist securely... and then they switch sixty sleeping positions, have a three-part breaking dance-off, reenact wars they've been to in characters and exchange a meaningful sign language conversation. all while asleep and blissfully unaware. the amount of times Johnny nearly lost his eye to Karlach's horn or Karlach was almost smothered by Soap's heavy weight plopping right on top of her with every pillow and blanket hogged (they have two extra for each and it still doesn't help)... poor Clive doesn't get to sleep in bed with them smply because it's safer for him to stay on a beside table.

enthusiastic house remodelers! Soap is very crafty and likes to build and asemble furniture from scratch, and Karlach wants their shared home to be perfect for their tastes - she knows all too well what it's like to be homeless. changing interior design and moving furnitue almost every half a year is fun for them, they never run out of ideas how to make their home even more homey! they almost do not argue when renovating, which is a bit surprising given they're both hot-headed, but they definitely resolve any disagreements right there on the floor of an empty room or pressed to a soon-to-be-painted wall.

fixing shit is Soap's duty. Karlach gets frustrated easily when something broken isn't getting fixed easily, so even if she knows what to do well, she might worsen the situation by raging against a shaky table or something.

breakfast in bed for both of them. they can never predict who's getting up first, so whoever wakes up buzzing (or just falls off the bed first) and is lucky to escape the cuddle monster definitely takes their time to pamper the other, cut some butt heart-shaped sandwiches or make a loopy smiley face out of eggs and bacon/sausages. both avid tea drinkers even though Soap prefers coffee. he just is constantly thirsty (in all ways).

snack beasts. they are constantly chewing on something, partially because it's a fidgeting thing, partially because they need their sugar fill. the whole house is filled with snack stashes, sweet nuts in little bowls, paper bags with cookies, berries always in stock... absolutely steal each other's snacks and offer to share without even thinking, it's an automatic thing no matter how deep in thoughts/busy they are. Karlach is more of a sugary and sweets snacker, so she often has sugar crumbs in the corners of her mouth, cookies clutched in her big palm, a honey jar with a stick she dips for a taste freqiently; Soap on the other hand is mostly after everything chewy, not so important whether it's sweet or not. probably has some chewy sticks/toys in addition to constant snacking. like a wee puppy with growing teeth.

Soap prefers baths to showers and Karlach does have fun with a longer soak as well (especially if bubbles and/or her hot husband are involved, and yes, it's always steamy with her. literally, she can still boil the water if she stays long enough). absolutely wash together most of the time, or at least share the bathroom before going to bed, one of them showering and the other one pissing/brushing their teeth. will hold hands when Karlach's in the tub and Soap is on the toilet and vice versa.

despite their love for a good cuddle lie-in, they definitely prefer active recreation and hobbies: hikes, sports, dancing, rock climbing, exploring, town fairs browsing, woodworking... except for some very low-energy days (executive dysfunction is no joke) they will be out, getting up to some safer-than-war adventures. definitely go camping a lot, also try to invite their mates too even though not everyone is so enthusiastic. but they can have fun at home too, they will most definitely sunbathe and go for swims in the river/little lake not far from home (even though it might turn into shell hunting or cave exploring. or waterfall sex. mostly waterfall sex.) or have quiet dance nights just in the living room.

absolutely run out under the rain to jump in puddles, splash each other, roll in the mud and kiss while they're soaking and yelling at the thunder excitedly. just another benefit of hardly getting cold - the rain evaporates from Karlach's skin and creates their own cloud of mist to pretend like they're two thunderstorm ghosts stalking through the small village. they are the worst influence on the neighbourhood kids and are absolutely responsible for the little tieflings and other children coming home covered in mud and dripping on mam's carpet.

a little (not little) extra for modern!AU :)

Karlach hates vacuuming solely because of the sound, and yes, she can still hear it even if she blasts music in her headphones or on the stereo ungodly loudly. it just irritates her to the point of raging (misophonia said hi), she'd rather sweep the floors manually or just let Soap take over. she is a little self-conscious about it though, so he has to play up his knight in grey sweatpants with no underwear on shining armor act and play-fight for the bloody vacuum until she feels better and leaves him to do the chore.

training is a family activity! they obviously go to gym together as much as possible (oh Soap is there only to show off his buff girlfriend and watch her excersise to the point where they have to excuse themselves for a bathroom break), but they have a little makeshift gym at home, like, maybe just a treadmill and some small equipment for days when they don't feel like going out. actually, i think they have a little gym even in Faerûn, that one was definitely built mostly by Soap with help from Karlach. it's nothing fancy, but since it is somewhat a novelty (very different from the usual training grounds with dummies and everything) they probably have neighbours and local kids/teens come and use it in exchange for thoughtful and heart-warming gifts. Karlach talks everyone's ears off about how crafty her husband is, and said husband walks around with chest puffed out like a bloody turkeycock.

they actually fight over music despite having similar tastes! but they have different opinions on when is what soundtrack appropriate. you cannot tell me they do not enjoy oldschool rock (and not just rock) (yes this might be just a wee bit self-indulgent BUT YOU HEARD THAT THEME IN KARLACH'S AVERNUS ENDIND RIGHT???), like, two-thirds of their playlist are from the period of late 1950s to 1990s. Price definitely approves. they are definitely both metalheads, perhaps not the most "true" ones, but they would get a vinyl record player to listen to some Iron Maiden or Gojira (please metalheads don't kill me if this is a poser thing to write, i respect the genre just not my style-) BUT they will fight over what should be playing in the car/while on the bikes/in the gym. they both don't like to sit with headphones on when together, so "each listens to their own" isn't a solution. and yes, they are a bit obnoxious about blasting their shit with windows open, but they try to remember to be respectful...

definitely obligatory listening to scottish bands, Simple Minds and others close to top on their spotify. Karlach would probably be curious to look for obscure bands and discover indie artists and share found gems with Johnny. also - yes this is also very personal, but i sincerely think it suits them - they love Ren (yes, he's welsh, i know), Karlach a bit more probably since Soap's lifestyle and views contradict Ren's message at some points, but they both know all the lyrics and get emotional when listening to his music. also, like, boxing to his music is the best outlet for everything pent up.

they both are so bad at grocery shopping, oh my god T_T they are absolutely prime victims of flashy marketing, eye-hurting wrappers, misleading deals with yellow labels and supermarkets' floorplans. Soap is a lost cause, Karlach sends him to fetch some milk and he comes back with a full bag of sweets, steak "for the weekend" and gum with the transerring kids' tattoos inside. it's a miracle if he remembered about milk AND brought the right one (he's definitely the type to buy some yummy-looking bannana-soy-whatever-overpriced-bullshit when they needed simple cow milk for masala tea). Karlach is slightly better simply because she gets just so overwhelmed by the choice that it's easier for her to stick to a poorly scribbled list of things she's used to. actually gets upset when she feels like she wants just a little something extra, but can't figure out even what aisle to look at to satisfy her craving. even worse if she goes grocery shopping when hungry (quickly becomes hangry and might call Johnny for emotional support).

skincare is a joke to them. the only times they do that is when they see some stupid animal-print face masks or when Soap gets tricked by packaging and smells and buys some chocolate body scrub with red pepper thinking it's pudding (first he eats a spoonful, finally discovering that it's not pudding at all, then tries it on his whole body to see if he'll smell like chocolate after, and he SWEARS swallowing that shit wasn't as painful as feeling it burn his asscrack and- yes this might be from my experience too). they have a home spa date and clown around the whole time, wearing fluffy robes, eating cucumbers off each other's eyes, lounging around with fancy wine glasses filled with beer and gossiping about neighbours. take a hundred silly pictuers and decide that their favourite part of a spa day is when they wash everything off in the shower together and have sex. a lot of it. nothing more arousing than your man with sparkly pink eyepatches stuck to his freshly shaven mug.

haircare is a whole another story, though! they are both very proud of their hairstyles and want them to look good, so they do frequently shave off outgrown parts (often do that for each other without going to a hairdresser) and style it. Soap's hair tends to get flat so he will worry about volume, while Karlach (who i strongly believe to be blasian) needs oils and moisturisers for her hair. it's pretty short and only mildly wavy, so not the most troublesome to keep healthy, but she does look out for it. also for her horns too, it's canon that she uses oil to care for those babies!

while fixing stuff around the house is still mostly Soap's duty, fixing their bikes is Karlach's passion. she might actually have a whole garage in modern!AU, but even if she doesn't, she still spends hours elbows-deep in machine oil and grease, tinkering with the engines and polishing their shiny steel steeds. Soap often has to come get her out of her hyperfocus to have a bite and a cuddle-smooch (or more) session on the garage petrol smelling old couch.

watching football with beer and smoking (and possbly all the mates interested) is a must. they are so very yelling at the TV and slapping each other's thighs when there's a dangerous moment - and kissing when their team scores. probably the only thing on TV they will never interrupt with getting handsy, they're both too invested lol. god forbid someone in the room roots for another team than them, this will be such a heated arguement that outsiders might think there's a murder about to happen (it never strains their friendship with anyone).

luckily for Soap, modern!Karlach will not melt snow around herself, so they can and will go snowboarding at least once a year. he absolutely gets a kick out of teaching her, and their high body temperature is a welcome feature on such vacations. however, they still wear those stupid lovers-cojoined mittens on walks even though their hands never get cold.

whew, that was a ton of word vomit, haha, thank you for your ask! they are SO appreciated as well as likes, reblogs and just the love i see here for my precious explosive adhd meow meows T_T feel free to request more! also not just about them, i will gladly write for other COD or BG3 characters. any pairing, also x reader or x OC, why not. i need to get my english writing skill up, feels so weird to see it compared to my first language texts...

[virgoitgirl-blog]

How i managed to cut out sugar for four months now, as someone who has a sweet tooth:

disclaimers:

- im not an expert, this is what worked for me, helped me control my cravings. so it might not work for everyone.

- to be fair and honest, I would (some)times let myself have a taste of something that contained sugar but it didn’t happen often.

- I’m talking about (added) sugars.

- I consume fruits, honey, dates, natural sweeteners in general, artificially sweetened foods and drinks.

so let me start from the beginning, it was very hard at first…like VERY. And by first I mean the first 2 weeks. I used to crave sugar so badly especially when it’s right in front of me but I couldn’t have any. but it wasn’t right to cut it out completely from the start. it had to be reduced gradually and in moderation because if you suddenly stop having sugar you might lose control one day causing you to binge on it in one sitting. so what I used to do is: note before I start: I cut out sugary beverages completely even at the beginning…sugary drinks were a big no for me not even in moderation. Because a “drink” having too much sugar doesn’t feel right to me. 1. Start small by decreasing your portions, say I was invited somewhere and they served cake, normally I’d have the whole piece but I only ate half of it…that’s how I started. now I can say no to sweets without feeling like I’m forcing myself. (which wasn’t easy at all) you will reach a level where you won’t be tempted by sugar anymore, but it’s going to take much time and effort. note: if the cake was sugar free I’d have the whole piece lol. so start by decreasing your portions from time to time. Tip: say and think “I don’t eat sugar” instead of “im trying not to eat sugar anymore”, when you hear yourself say that it creates a sense of responsibility for your actions. 2. Find a substitute, when you’re trying to break any habit you should find a replacement to satisfy your cravings. At first my substitute used to be artificially sweetened foods, i consumed A LOT of them—artificially sweetened candy, chocolate, ice cream, etc. but i told myself that it’s okay because I’m trying to cut out sugar, I had to consume something that gave the same feeling and satisfaction till I stop craving it. I still consume artificially sweetened foods btw. I eat more fruits now and I even started to crave them whenever I needed something sweet, so artificial sweeteners and fruits were my substitutes for the cravings. Tip: find sugar-free recipes for whatever you crave and prepare them by yourself. You’ll feel good preparing something healthy and tasty for yourself. —a few weeks back: I was really craving a hot chocolate but where could I find a sugar free one? I searched and found a recipe, it was so good I felt so proud to make an actually good hot chocolate without adding sugar to it. 3. Don’t hide the sugary stuff from yourself, especially when you’re just starting because you need to see it to build discipline and ACTUALLY control yourself. It hurts I know but this is what helped me become capable of saying no to sweets I love when I’m offered some. Which leads me to my next point… 4. “Can’t I have a little bite?” You can if you really want to, it’s better not to but if it’s your favorite dessert, an occasional dessert, etc. you can let your self have a little. I do this rarely though I prefer not to. important to note: I only do this when I KNOW I can control myself and stick to just a small bite. maybe some would ask what about the progress? actually your progress will still go pretty well. a little of your favorite dessert won’t and can’t ruin months of progress. just to clarify: why “having little”? Because im not trying to consume too much sugar and risk triggering my body to crave sugar again, after all the effort I’ve put in. 5. Once you get used to it, sugary stuff will actually make you feel sick or disgusted when you consume them. You’ll feel like it’s too much because your body got used to not having sugar. 6. Have nutritious meals, especially for breakfast. A healthy balanced breakfast that will keep you satisfied can help reduce your cravings throughout the day. Pay attention to what makes you full and satisfied in the morning. 7. Some extra benefits that I noticed: - cutting out sugar helped me noticeably lose weight. - my skin looks better it used to be so dull. - my energy levels are better.

before I end this, I want to say that it wasn’t easy at all and I worked so hard on myself to stop craving added sugars, yes it will occupy your thinking at first but it will get easier I promise.

I didn’t know if I could do it at first but I did it, and I’m sure you can too if you’re planning to.🤍

that's the end, hope you find this useful.

[whimsylueur]

question- do you have a sp oc/self insert??

Up until I received this ask, no lol

But since I have been asked, I actually wanna make one. :)

I guess this counts as an ethnicity reveal too haha. Otherwise, he’s based (mostly) on my beloved bf.

Edit: this name felt right, I liked the word Tetany though so it remains incorporated.

Maruwehi = to inspire respect or dread, Te Tini = the many (taken from a saying “te tini me te mano” meaning the many and the thousands, referring obviously to his spiders), the pronunciation is identical to ‘tetany’ which is a condition similar to seizures that is the first condition of Maru’s spiders’ venom.

Maruwehi (pronounced ma [“mu” in mud] ru [“do” w/ rolled r] we [“whe” in where] hi [he as in he/him]) is a pretty cheeky guy with a big heart, he’s family oriented and would be homesick quite often while attending Corrival. Even so, he loves Ireland and took up good work as a gamekeeper, teaching mortals and sorcerers alike to hunt, soon after graduating.

He talks with plenty of slang and while he isn’t the most eloquent speaker he isn’t intimidated by (some) big words. Despite being a Child of the Spider, his appearance is charming and demeanour approachable. His name isn’t that frightening either. His father “Tūiri” is a different story, considered extremely dangerous by the NZ sanctuary and constantly maintains his gigantic spider form. Maru respects his father greatly and promises to take his discipline but isn’t keen to be apart of the temple.

He crosses paths with Arbiters Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant when some mages go missing in the hunting grounds Maru frequents, he assists in surveying the area and identifying some suspects after the mages turn up deceased. He can appreciate the detectives’ deadpan humour and simultaneous diligence when solving a case.

Abilities- Spider creation and control, they look similar to katipō (a species native to NZ) and have potent venom that is easily fatal. He doesn’t use them to hunt but he uses them to track and spy. He can’t quite achieve his entire spider form but he wants to before his surge takes place. His second favourite discipline is Elemental magic. Weaponry and combat, obviously being trained at Corrival made him a competent fighter, he has a great knowledge of guns too, preferring his reliable Henry rifle (modified for range) for work. Sigils have been incorporated into his puhoro (tattoo extending from his waist to his thighs) by his older brother, a Signum Linguist and tattoo artist, that simply allows Maru to be tracked by his family.

Hobbies- Muay Thai he enjoys above all martial arts taught back home and at Corrival, likes to compete when he’s got some time. Maru has played rugby since he could manage to run in a straight line and joined a club in Ireland, playing with his mortal and mage mates. Growing up, if he wasn’t at the temple he was in the bush hunting with his cousins and siblings on horseback, it’s no coincidence that it became his life’s work.

[rainy-astrology]

BTS Suga Birth Chart Analysis

Based on my opinion and observations. Not an expert. May change later

March 9th, 1993

Daegu, South Korea

Unknown time

☀️♓️🌙♍️

Pisces sun is artsy, creative, sensitive, and empathetic. It should positively aspect his Pisces mercury. He genuinely seems like an emotionally intelligent person (esp with his interest in pyschology) as he's very patient and understanding. He's never raised his voice at the members or get very angry in general (except ofc for the few times he did fight with RM...I still wonder how Joon was able to get Yoongi so mad to the point of throwing things at him lol. But they were both very young and both have Cancer mars, an emotionally charged mars sign).

Virgo moon is reserved, prefer to detach and analyze their feelings and thoughts. This could be why he may seem "cold" to people. He's not, he's just calm and more controlled about his emotional expression like a majority of Virgo moons.

Having a Pisces sun and mercury though, he is able to comfortably express his deeper emotions through a creative outlet: his rap and lyrics writing skills. Music has always been his comfort and love. His song "First Love" is the best example for this.

Aries venus is in detriment. Being a Pisces sun, Suga is sweet and even a little idealistic at times, but Aries venus can make it awkward to express that. It's either he doesn't know how to initiate affection (e.g wanting to hold hands with the members but not knowing how to ask) or can be quite bold (e.g wanting a red string tattoo with the members. Could also be linked to his Pisces' romanticism lol)

Seems like a grand square is in his chart, which indicates many struggles and hardships. He's been very open about all the harsh things he's endured, so seeing this isn't surprising. Having to survive on small amount of money and working other jobs to support his career that was at high risk of failing, having unsupportive parents, shoulder and ear injury, mental illnesses, etc...

Possible rising: Aries. I have seen this to be his rumoured rising and I agree tbh. I'm not too sure about Venus in 1st considering how reserved he is (could be in his 12th). Mars could be in either 3rd or 4th. I am leaning towards 4th bc I know his parents weren't the most supportive of his career and he has made some implications that his parents were just a bit strict in general.

Sun and Mercury would be in 12th. Sun in 12th is perceptive and internal, preferring to observe from afar. A sense of detachment. Mercury in 12th keeps thoughts and feelings to self, so essentially a quiet and private person, which he is. Both are quite intuitive placements.

He has the passion and determined nature of an Aries. Capricorn MC also helps with the good self discipline and hardworking ethic that Yoongi has. Capricorn MC can also make one look serious and private, maybe a bit cold and workaholic, which a lot of people tend to say about him. Both signs share the ambitious and success seeking trait, which is very Yoongi.

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Other analysis:

MBTI | Enneagram

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Kpop astrology list

[misc-obeyme]

a relationship between a michevious but cute mc with barbatos. their opposite attraction him being self-disciplined and careful while mc is reckless and a troublemaker. yet mc adores barbatos and melts when he gives them attention or compliments. loves being a brat and getting spoiled by him loves being around him is clingy sometimes likes being sub in nsfw moments!!!!

Oh wow, anon, you've basically just described my MC Ciaran lol.

Needless to say, I've thought about this dynamic a lot.

In Ciaran's case, Barbatos's calm personality helps to quiet their own racing mind, which is why they adore him. Being around him makes them feel some kinda way and they don't fully understand it themselves.

And personally I think Barbatos would love a little mischievous MC. He's nothing if not overly indulgent, especially when it comes to people he cares about. He acts all strict, but in the end you know he gives in to them every time.

I'm just imagining him making it a point to compliment MC because he likes to watch them blush. At the same time, he's protective, always watching them and making sure they don't get into too much trouble. Perhaps stepping in right before things get problematic for them. Constantly coming to their rescue.

Though I do think Barbatos will only tolerate brattiness to a certain extent. MC is taking a chance any time they push too hard lol. If they're good and nice, he'll spoil the hell out of them, though. Doesn't mind if they're being clingy. He likes when they stick to him because then he knows where they are and they're less likely to get into trouble.

a little bit of nsfw below the cut though nothing explicit

I have no doubt Barb would be an excellent dom. He's forever a switch in my mind, but as a dom I think he could be either really strict if that's what MC wants - like prepare yourself for punishments - or he could be super indulgent - especially if he is constantly losing his own self control because of MC. I really like when Barbatos kinda comes undone because of MC's antics. Like they're deliberately trying to rile him up. And it works. They push and push until he's lost control and then it's like he's gonna devour them lol.

ER but anyway, I think all of this perfectly possible. And troublemaker MC is totally something I love.

[levi501ackerman]

Steel Heart Chapter 11:

The Traitor

Hange x Reader Chapter Index Masterlist

Megan's Note: I'm so excited for the story to get a little darker before heading towards the light!! I've been grinding through the last of my summer semester accelerated classes! I ended with all A's again : ) <3 So excited for these few weeks break before fall semester starts. Some vacation trips and nothing but writing :) Posted: 8/8/24 (12:30am LOL)

Word Count: 4.3k

!!WARNING: unsettling descriptions!!!

Jean was talking more during breakfast than he had yesterday. He was being snarky and quick with Connie while they shoved rice, eggs, and sausages into their mouths. The light and fun whimsical banter with Connie gave you hope. He was going to be alright. The day of him relaxing and resting was what Jean needed and it seemed like he would be back to top-notch shape in a few days. 

White clouds blocked most of the blue sky and Captain Levi predicted that the day wouldn’t be scorching—a perfect day for heading toward Stohess District. Levi reminded the group of knights shoving their breakfast into their mouths that there was going to be a night of camping outside of Stohess then tomorrow they would pass through the city gathering supplies. Dame Hange Zoe then announced to the knights—more to Levi’s squad—that before they left the Scout Regiment’s Stohess District Headquarters they ordered weapons. Traveling to the next resting point outside of Stohess would only take five hours. A shorter and more forgiving travel day. 

Hange was one of the last knights to finish packing. They had to pack their tables and chairs into one of the cart supplies and take down their tent. Packing and unpacking were Hange’s least favorite parts about traveling. They brought extra books that added to the weight of their load.

“Damn it! Where is it?!” Levi and Eren initiated taking down their tent because the men were losing their patience. Hange was trying to find one of the remaining books they didn’t pack yet. Once the tent was taken down Hange looked around the grassy area trying to find the book on the ground. It wasn’t in her bag of books and she couldn’t find the book in her sack or along any of the bags tied to her horse. 

The ride to the next meeting point outside of Stohess started without Hange finding their book. Some of the knights riding bear Hange could hear them scolding and verbally berating themselves.   

As always you rode with Levi and you thought he would be upset with you for talk back to him last night. Normally Fairy Godmother Christa would discipline you for talking back. There was a feeling with Levi that was hard for you to put into words. There was a sense of trust that you could act out and he forgave you. His words ran through your mind. 

You’re going to be your truest and freest self here.

With your arms wrapped around Levi’s waist, you tapped his abdomen, seeking his attention. The hood of your cloak was capturing the wind and you gripped the fabric near your neck battling the wind to keep control of your cloak. Levi revealed his side profile as he lifted his chin to acknowledge you. 

“Levi, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of the other knights yelling ‘goodnight’ at you last night.”

“No need to apologize.” Levi turned his head forward focusing on riding onwards. You knew Levi wouldn’t hold your behavior against you, but you just wanted to get the remorse off your chest. 

On the right, you could make out Hange in the distance. Their brown hair was tied up and feathering behind them. You swore they weren’t wearing their glasses and from the distance and you couldn’t see the black of their eye patch covering their face. Hange must have taken off both accessories before the ride.

The moment of approaching Hange’s naked form in the river invaded your mind. You remember when they noticed you getting closer to them, they put their eye patch and glasses back on. Hange didn’t need two eyes to be pretty, but you wondered how did Hange lose their eye?     

You imagined a field of green grass turned to a bloody brown and littered with bodies and blood. They grasp their sword as they grit their teeth, sharpening their eyes, and one eyebrow twitched up challenging the Marleyan Cultist. You imagined Hange slashing the cultists—one after another. Three at once! The cult members clutched their necks and spewed blood through their fingers. Hange’s feet are part of the earth—planted in a brawny stance and only the very last cult member got close to Hange. You imagined the cult member swinging their sword and slicing Hange’s eye. They don’t scream or groan and with gel substances seeping from their socket. They stuck their sword through the eye cultist’s eye and brain, hitting the back of the skull. Hange slides the cultist’s head off their crested sword using their foot. The bodies piled around them and Dame Hange Zoe was the last knight standing. Fierce and imposing. 

You shuddered and cringed. Why did you give yourself that thought? You rolled your eyes feeling disgusted with yourself. However, Hange must have gone through a tragic fight. Victorious and branded with a scar left over to remind themselves how powerful they are. Another thought occurred: how lucky you were to have a knight like Hange protecting you. 

The galloping of the horse’s hooves beating the ground filled your ears as you pulled yourself from your thoughts. Levi and Hange must have known each other for a while, the way they planned together, yet butt heads. Possibly Levi might know how Hange lost their eye, maybe he was there with them. 

“Levi?” just like before, Levi tilted his chin, looking over his shoulder at you. “How did Hange lose their eye?” 

“Why don’t you ask your twin?”

“Uh—”

“It’s personal,” Hange was your friend. Maybe they would tell you if you asked. There was an optimistic feeling as you thought of Hange. They could protect you if needed and they were unlike anyone you met.

The walls of Sina grew larger as the knights and you approached closer. In the distance was the river and you wondered what the area of the wall looked like that allowed the river to flow through. Perhaps there was an opening large enough for water to flow through the wall. Could it be large enough for a human to get through without drowning? It must not because the walls are tightly secured and have been around since before you were born.

The sun emerged from behind the clouds heating the journey. You felt the hairline around your neck—beneath your low bun—start to feel warm and sweaty from the afternoon’s sun shining down on your body. Levi had sweat on his neck too. All the knights started feeling the heat. You released one arm from Levi’s waist and slightly leaned backward to reach an open space between Beauty’s hindquarters and croup. You rubbed Beauty affectionately hoping she didn’t feel miserable while racing under the sun.

Then you worried about the plan you and Hange had. Last night you asked Hange what you should do when it came time to travel. Hange suggested putting your future pet bunny into your cloth bag while riding so it won’t escape. Another thought occurred: what if your future bunny gets hot in the cloth bag? 

Levi pulled Beauty’s reins and she galloped perpendicular to the right. Beauty weaved past the knights on horses and obeyed Levi’s order. As you were getting closer to Hange, you noticed them putting their eyepatch and glasses back onto their face.

“Let’s get closer to the river!” Levi said and Hange nodded then grinned at you. You gave a Hange a wave back as Levi made Beauty pick up the pace heading toward the front of the formation. Hange and their horse charged ahead as well. 

“ALL SQUADS TOWARD THE RIVER!” Hange ordered. The knights verbally salute Hange in unison and followed after Levi and Hange’s direction. They headed toward the river and the grass was taller in the field. There were more green shrubbery and vibrant flowers around. Bright orange flowers caught your eye from the ground and flowers with tiny lilac petals were clustered around. You thought about how pretty the ground looked. Then you bit your lip holding back a smile at the thought that there had to be bunnies around.  

You were practically bouncing when Levi, Hange, and the rest of the knights stopped the horses and began to unpack. They held their tents and walked far from the horses and started setting up the camp. Connie and Eren were creating a fire

“Hange, is there anything I can do to help?” You were eager for Hange to get done setting up their tent. The area of sparse trees, bushes, and plants seemed like a great place for little rabbits to be waiting to get captured. You couldn't hide your excitement and followed Hange around as they walked back and forth carrying their cargo from their horse. 

“Princess you don’t need to help,” Hange enjoyed your eager spirit. You walked backwards in front of them as they carried two of their bags. 

“Okay but if I help you, then you’ll get done quicker and then we can go find my pet bunny!” You grabbed one bag out of Hange’s grasp causing them to chuckle.

“Y/N, your enthusiasm is adorable. The only thing you can help me with is thinking of a name for our rabbit while I organize the conference tent.” You gasped and knights turned their attention to you as you squealed excitedly. Hange wanted a human name for the rabbit, but you couldn’t think of many names you liked besides your own. You and Hange entered the conference tent. The large wide tent that you and Hange shared while sleeping. 

Before falling asleep last night Hange kept encouraging you to think of your pet bunny hopping around the tent. It was fun to think of animals with Hange. Hange gave you a small book of different sketches of animals and insects they spotted. There were rough sketches of a grasshopper, an owl, birds, a dragonfly, a frog, ants, and beetles. With the drawings were labels, dates, and descriptions. The small book had empty pages and Hange told you they weren’t sure if they were going to continue the book. While Hange drifted off to sleep you eyed the drawings and admired the effort Hange put into the book. A thought popped into your head of Hange possibly adding your pet bunny to the book.

Hange had bags piled on the table and they groaned unpacking their possessions. Your cloth bag was next to your rolled-up bed and you noticed it was slightly opened. You opened the bag and dug into it wanting to see Hange’s book again. After you rolled out your bedroll you laid on your stomach and placed the brown leather book in front of you. Hange pulled a bundle of swords out and threw them on the ground next to the side of the tent. The steel clanged against each other as they were piled carelessly. You flipped through the pages ignoring the written text and then landed on the first drawing. 

The Grasshopper.

The descriptions of the grasshopper took up most of the page but you didn’t want to read it. Only look at the sketch. The labels noted that grasshoppers had five eyes—three of them were tiny compared to the main two. You imagined how amazing it would be to have five eyes and what it would be like to see what was behind you. 

“Wow, grasshoppers are kind of cute,” Hange could hear the fascination in your voice as they unpacked another bag filled with bandages, different creams, and pills. They grabbed a different bag and concluded it was their clothes then moved on to another bag.

“Hey Princess, grasshoppers have ears on their bellies—did you know that?” Hange found another bag with multiple pairs of wire-rimmed glasses and a few eye patches. You noticed a sentence on the page that had that same sentence. The written text explained that the ears were on the abdomen under their wings. 

“No, I didn’t.”

“Have you seen one before?”

“No.”

“You’ll probably see one if you look at the ground they are all around.”

“And I’ll know what to look for because of your gift,” you smiled and then turned the page. A large sketch of the owl took up most of the page. It was the evening when you first looked at the sketches and seeing the details in the light made the intricate details of the sketch prominent—

A thump and the table rattled. You froze from the expression on Hange's face. Their eye was wide, their eyebrows raised, their forehead wrinkled, and their jaw dropped open. Then Hange stomped toward your small form on your bedroll.

“Why did you take my book?! I’ve been looking for this all day! I thought I lost it! You can’t take things without asking!” Hange bent down and took the book from you, you pushed yourself onto your knees looking up at them. Guilt rushed through your body making your stomach twist at Hange’s demeanor. You almost saw Fairy Godmother Christa. You made Hange upset. 

“Hange, I’m sorry!!!” You blurted wanting to make amends with the knight that slayed the necks of people that held you captive. “I thought you gave it to me as a gift! Forgive me!!! Please! Forgive me for this!!!” 

“I wouldn’t give this away—”

“You gave it to me last night!! Before you fell asleep! I’m sorry I took it because I thought it was a gift.” 

Hange saw the fear behind your eyes.  

You saw Hange's face fall and soften. 

They exhaled and closed the book, turning on their heels. Hange placed the journal on the table and sat in the chair. They took off their glasses and tossed them onto the table

“I’m sorry, Princess, it must have slipped my mind. I didn’t mean to accuse—”

“No!” You rushed to Hange’s side and knelt on your knees submissively. You grabbed Hange’s hand, held it with both of your hands, and cupped it against your heart. “Hange I assumed it was a gift. I was wrong. Let’s just forget about this misunderstanding. Please . . . I need you . . .”

After your words of guilt and fear, you looked up at Hange. There was a sparkle behind their eyes. Not anger. Not disappointment—a curiosity . . . The kind of eyes that were studying something intently—something to remember. They peered down on you.

“It’s forgotten . . .” Hange pulled their hand from your grip. Then they leaned toward you and collected your right hand, bringing your hand to their lips. They kissed your hand respectfully, their eye never leaving yours. You felt a new sense of warmth for some reason, something you haven’t felt before. An ache to please and you weren’t going to do anything until Hange asked. 

Anything for the knight that saved you.   

“We’re still friends right?” You whispered as if speaking was going to break the amendment.  

“Always forever,” they said, letting go of your hand to tuck a strand behind your ear. You practically leaned into their touch, their acceptance. “Friends don’t stop being friends over a misunderstanding, Princess.”

“I’m sorry . . . I was thinking that maybe you could add our future pet bunny,” Hange noticed the hope in your eyes and they put their glasses back onto their face. They sighed as they handed their book back to you.

“I would love to, but I don’t draw well.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, accepting the return of the book.

“I’m glad you like it, it’s pretty much what I have left of my late best friend. He drew the sketches. He’s better at drawing. I just wrote down the labels and research.”

“Was he that one messenger?”

“His name is Moblit Berner,” Hange’s eye was glossy. They closed their eye and slumped against their chair. You knew there was so much they wanted to say. They probably had known them for a long time and thinking about them hurt. A chunk of their life was taken from them. You didn’t know what it was like to have a friend die—only relating to the loss of your old life in Shiganshina. You hugged Hange tightly and they tensed at the unexpected touch.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never lost a friend, but I’ve lost my home and I bet it feels the same.” Hange leaned into you holding the back of your head and wrapping their other arm around you. 

“You’ll be a kind and compassionate Queen, Y/N . . . Stay fair, Princess.” When you pulled away from Hange—wanting to see if they were crying or about to—the gloss on their eye was gone and the warmth of their eye demanded your attention. You couldn’t look away. Their gaze held yours, giving the approval your eyes were seeking.

“T-Thank you Dame Hange,” you collected their book and stood from the ground. There was an uncertain feeling while you looked at Hange and then walked back to your bedroll. You felt their gaze on your body. 

“I’m glad you enjoy that book,” Hange stood and grabbed books out of another bag that was waiting to be unpacked. “Moblit and I have been working on that for years. Whenever we went outside of the castle we tried to find wildlife . . .” Hange spoke fondly of their late friend. They blinked and opened another bag. “Possibly make a book to sell.”

“Is that your dream? To create a book?”

“No.”

“Well, I told you my dream. What’s yours?”

“In another life, I’m a scientist studying chemicals—medicine maybe. Maybe studying creatures or the human body.”

“Aren’t there people like that already? Why not do it in this life?”

“Like you said there’s already people who discovered most of what we know. Scientists don’t make enough to live off of unless they’re married and have the time to research without income. Plus as a Knight of the Royal King’s Guard, the beds are better, there’s warm food, and the sense of fulfillment protecting the royal family.”

“So a researcher?”

“That’s correct.”

“And you need someone to draw what you see outside?”

“Correct, again.” You flipped to the page with the sketch of the large owl. The drawing was impressive and though you had no idea what Moblit looked like you wanted to meet him. 

“Hange, may I ask you a personal question?”

“What?”

“Are you married?” Hange let out a loud laugh, it sounded different. Hange’s laugh was less amused and more bitter.

“How could I be married with my eye? I scare people off. There’s not a lot of time for romance when there’s duty, Princess. It’s not common for Knights of the Royal King’s Guard being married. Most of the knights pay for a lady’s company.” You couldn’t decide what you wanted to explore. The thought of Sir Miche Zacharius, Captain Levi, Jean, Connie, and Eren paying girls for love. A question flew through your mind wondering which knights in the camp—if any—were married. A sympathetic thought of how horrible it must be to sell your body, the thought of strangers loving you the way they wanted. Then the last thought of Hange by the river came into your mind. You saw a lot of their body. Their breasts, their legs, their back muscles, and their butt. They probably saw yours. One thing you did decide was that Hange could still marry if they wanted to because they were pretty. “Want to know another secret?”

“Yes!” You perked up at their question. Hange smirked and came over to you. You bit your lip holding back your excitement and Hange knew they piqued your interest. 

“You can not tell ANYONE,” Hange said. 

“I won’t! I want to know another secret!”

“It’s about someone we know. You can not even hint that you know. You can not tease him about what I’m going to tell you. Got that?!” You nodded and Hange looked over their shoulder to the entrance of the large conference tent checking if someone was eavesdropping. Hange sat in front of you crossing their legs and leaning forward. They lowered their voice, “Levi is in a secret relationship with the Commander of the Royal King’s Guard.”

It took a moment to process the words. Levi was in a relationship, you felt yourself be excited for him. You wanted to meet Levi’s special someone—a thought crossed your mind. Didn’t the commander have a man’s name? You scrunched up your face as the memories played in your head of Zeke giving a letter to Levi from Commander Erwin. Then the moment when Hange asked Levi why Erwin would go to Trost District from the day before.  

“Levi’s in a secret relationship with a man?!?!”

“What do you think about him dating a man?”

“I think girls are going to be so jealous, huh?!” Hange laughed, their smile was brighter and as if a weight was lifted from them. “There’s probably so many girls wanting to date Levi. He’s so strong and protective. He’s so considerate.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Is that why you’re attached to him?”

“What?! I am NOT attached to Levi!” You pushed Hange and they were caught off guard. They placed their hand down, catching themselves from you pushing them off-balanced.

“You are! You’re blushing!” Hange poked your cheeks. 

“I’m NOT!” You swat Hange’s hand away. “Hange stop please!”

“I’m just messing around, darling. No need to—OW!” You pulled your hand away from Hange’s abdomen. “Did you just pinch me? What are you? Ten?!”

“No, you’re ten!”

“You are.”

“No, you!”

“You are . . .” In the distance was the sound of men shouting. Hange blinked, staring off listening to the clanking of armor and the aggressive clashing of steel. The sound was different. It was not the sound of swords. You waited for Hange’s reaction. For them to say you were safe. Could the Marleyan Cult already caught up to them? Your heart raced and it felt like time had stopped. Through the shuffle of the noise, there was a distinct man’s voice groaning and yelling. 

“Hange?!” You gripped onto their arm and your voice rooted them into reality. They sprung up from where they sat.

“Stay here!” They lunged for their crested sword on the table and you followed after them.

“No! I’m staying with you!”

“Stay calm, Y/N, we don’t know the situation yet. Breath.” Hange calmly comforted you. As you worried about what was out there—who was coming for you, you latched onto Hange’s side. You followed Hange out of the tent, their crested sword was on their hip and Hange had their hand on the handle. 

Most of the tents were set up and some were laying on the ground. The knights weren’t around setting up the camp or their tents. The pit intended for the fire had fresh-cut wood ready to be burned. Some bags and boxes were littered onto the ground as if they were dropped in the middle of their task.

A sound of a man’s was grunts were off to the right. Hange and you flicked your necks at the sound and all the knights were clumped at the base of the tree, their swords were drawn. The knights were facing the base of the tree. Their stance was firm on the ground yet ready to swipe their sword toward what they were looking at. 

“Stay behind me,” Hange ordered. You obeyed, following them two feet behind them. As Hange approached the group of knights they parted for the commander. When they stepped aside you saw Levi holding a man by the hair of his head. There was rope tying him in his suit of armor against the tree. There was blood oozing from the familiar man’s nose. Levi was crouched down inches from his face and it sounded like he was asking the man a question. Your curiosity made you pass Hange, getting a closer look at the man you thought was dead. Where were his glasses?

“Zeke?!” His blue eyes flashed from Levi’s to yours. Zeke spit blood from his mouth and though he didn’t say anything you could tell he was pleading for you. Levi’s pissed expression caught your eyes as he turned to the sound of your voice. There was a blaze in Levi’s eye. An unfriendly depth of rage. Why was Levi hurting Zeke? The knight that saved you several times . . . Zeke choke out a breathless whisper of your name. You didn’t know how to react or how to help. Why was someone who was protecting you hurting another knight? 

You felt Hange grab your arm, pulling you away from Zeke’s defenseless beating. There was nothing you could do, you wanted to stand in between Levi and Zeke begging them to talk it out. Levi’s eyes didn’t soften.

“You don’t want to see this,” Hange stepped in front of you and you leaned to the side, getting a last glance at Levi and Zeke. Hange was pushing you backward.

“Get her far from here,” Levi said and his tone was dark—something you knew Levi could go to if he had to. Yet you didn’t want to see this horrid side of him. There was an eerie silence while walking from the tree. A pause from the brutal treatment that would only resume when you left. Knowing that Levi was going to beat up Zeke when you were out of sight made you dizzy.

“What’s going on?” Hange shushed you and as you tried to look over your shoulder, Hange would move to the side blocking your attempt to see more. 

“Let’s take a walk.”

Though it was the perfect time for bunny hunting, the thought of Zeke’s being helpless against Levi weighed on your mind. The clump of steel men was getting further and further. 

“Hange, Levi was beating up that man. I know him! He saved me a few times!” Hange guided you toward a grass field, with trees and shrubbery. The scent of horses was faint, but they were far enough away to not flood your nostrils. Hange’s stern face didn’t change as they turned toward you. 

“Princess, Levi thinks that Zeke is the traitor.”

next chapter: Chapter 12: Sapphires

chapter index masterlist

[zwy01]

Kaelestis Doodles!!!

My OC Kaelestis Blerster, son and only child of Karias Blerster. His other parent is Rael Kertia (soul fragment donor). For more info on his bio check out my pinned post!

1. Doodle dump of changes in Kaelestis’ appearance as he grows up. As a small child his hair was basically kind of like Rael’s, except even messier. Karias didn’t really do anything about his son’s hair because he thought his fluffy baby was cute that way haha. And it’s true! Though as soon as Kaelestis became aware of his own appearance he started taking care of it by combing it to the sides of his head. In general kiddie Kaelestis had a round face and this feature stays with him well into adulthood. Karias’ features kick in fairly late, when Kaelestis is much, much older. Far future Kaelestis still has that same frowny expression though. He reminds people of his uncle Razark and paternal grandfather Krasis. Kaelestis isn’t trying to frown but that’s just what his face looks like when relaxed. Dammit, he’s trying his hardest, but people just keep asking him what’s wrong. Nothing really, he’s quite content actually. Orrr maybe he could be concerned about something, who knows. Hopefully he’s not worrying about Karias doing something over the top for the nth time.

2. Karias with his tiny son! While there are some… perhaps problematic things in their father-son relationship, Kaelestis’ early childhood was a very good one and arguably the best time he’s shared with his father. Which leads to the thing I want to discuss next, and that is what’s exactly going on between the two of them, and the details of what their dynamic is like.

In general, Karias and Kaelestis have a pretty decent father-son relationship. If you asked, everyone would basically tell you that oh, they have a great relationship. And that is a correct observation, because it is true. For the most part, at least. There’s nothing abnormal or strange, and they don’t have conflicts with each other. There are even affectionate moments here and there too, though there’s more to it than what people generally see.

Remember when I said that Kaelestis is more like a parent to Karias than the other way around like it’s supposed to be? That’s actually a very long story, and it goes all the way back to Kaelestis’ early childhood, to when he was a toddler, so roughly a 20 year old ish. You see, Kaelestis was a very, very well-behaved child. So well-behaved, it’s actually quite unbelievable when you think about it in hindsight. Even the other now elegant and sophisticated nextgen nobles had to be disciplined and educated to some extent to correct rowdy, weird, and sometimes unacceptable behavior. Which was basically all of them, even the super nice ones like Asa, Alethea, and Cordelia. Except for Kaelestis. He was the only exception. People were actually kind of envious of Karias, and to them he very much won the lottery with his kid. Not to mention Kaelestis is Karias and Rael’s kid… people intially expected him to be some sort of mixture between the two of his parents, but worse. Turns out, they were totally wrong. Kiddie Kaelestis was as sweet as you could get with any child. He was honest, patient, kind, and generous. He always waited for his turn to speak, always politely and correctly addressed everyone accordingly (except for that one time when Karias convinced him with the lie that Lord Raskreia is his auntie and he actually called her that lol), and never caused mischief. It’s not that he had superior self-control; those things simply just never crossed his mind. It wasn’t in his nature to do anything out of line. People kept praising Karias for his superb parenting and everyone dreaming of having a kid like Kaelestis. He’s the best you can ever get, right? And as a parent, of course you’d want to support your kid. So Karias tells a young Kaelestis how much he loves him, he’s his baby son. Sometimes Karias would also throw in a comment about how well-behaved he is, and that he’s proud of him. Of course kiddie Kaelestis would be very happy to hear that. It’s praise from none other than the Blerster Clan Leader, his dear father who he loves and respects more than anyone else in this world! That’s where everything started, and you could say it’s for the worse. Kaelestis, who holds his father in such high regard, would take this praise as a very serious thing and more or less it got engraved in his mind. You know when you were a small kid and someone said something that could be trivial but you remembered it forever and it basically impacted the trajectory some aspect of your life? Basically that. And so Kaelestis began to take pride in the fact that he was so well-behaved, and continuing to do that would make his father as proud as ever. Before this, he wasn’t even aware of the fact that he was the “perfect” child, he simply was. Now that this became a new addition to his knowledge, of course he’s going to act on it. But to Karias, Kaelestis was still a small child (toddler equivalent) so Karias isn’t going to take it too seriously anyway. He still showered his baby with affection and always gave him attention. And Kaelestis very much enjoyed every moment of it.

Fast forward to the time when Kaelestis was the equivalent of a 8-12 year old human. You know when kids are very young the parents always treat them like baby and when they get a bit older and have thoughts of their own the parents start to really have fun with their kids? That’s what happens next. Karias doesn’t need to watch Kaelestis all the time anymore, hovering over his son and worrying about him getting himself into some sort of danger. He could let him run free for a bit. Let him be on his own, and do his own thing. Karias still spends time with his son and is affectionate with him, in a different way. Because Kaelestis now takes pride in being so well-behaved, he actually makes a conscious effort to be even more well-behaved. He’s become obsessed with the idea, more or less. Be the perfect son, don’t ever cause trouble, make Father proud because he doesn’t need to worry about me, and then Father can attend to his duties as Clan Leader with high efficiency. This was what Kaelestis knew at the time, and it truly was out of good will, as he’s being considerate of others. But what young Kaelestis didn’t know was that this also meant that he’s sacrificing his own well-being and need for closeness to his father. And Karias wasn’t even aware of this, he just thought that this is just what his kid is like, being nice as usual and that, and he can focus more on clan duties. And so Kaelestis never got the extra recognition that he yearned for, and even worse his father now spends less time with him. He got what he wanted, didn’t he? For his father to be the best Clan Leader ever? But something doesn’t feel so right, and Kaelestis starts to doubt his own decision. Even worse, Kaelestis doesn’t do anything to fix the situation, he just goes with the flow because he started this himself. His Clan Leader never asked of him for any of this. But now that it’s done, there’s no choice but to endure the consequences and move on, right? For now, he’ll continue to be the best son for his father. Because he loves him. It’ll do. This won’t go on forever, right? At least Kaelestis had thought so, though this optimism would soon be replaced with even more regret and exhaustion.

Fast forward to Kaelestis’ teen years, so the human equivalent of a 13-19 year old ish. Kaelestis’ hobbies are expanding, and his talent is truly blooming. He had discovered his love for the arts… painting, sculpture, anything really. This was his purpose in life, and his skills were really impressive. Karias is of course overjoyed and thrilled to learn that his son is so talented and that he has found his passion. And so Karias gets Kaelestis all the materials he could possibly find both inside and outside of Lukedonia, and Kaelestis is very touched by his father’s gestures. He has all this stuff with work with now! It was a real moment of joy for him, and yet another memory for him to remember forever , which would later also become tinted with melancholy. Now that Kaelestis actually has time to spend on projects, he is indirectly pushing his father away even more. Whenever Karias would drop by to check on his son and ask him how he’s doing, Kaelestis would always answer that he’s doing well, and Karias doesn’t need to worry about him, because he has art, and that’s all he needs to be happy. Which was a lie, because he actually longed for time with his father. He misses his early childhood where the two of them would spend time together everyday, all day. But he needs to not be a distraction to his father’s schedule, because he’s well-behaved right? He could hold in his feelings of yearning… right? So Karias never learns of his son’s true feelings. Because he never tells him. Which just hurts Kaelestis even more because now he’s actually reinforcing Karias’ belief that his son is all good and that his role as father isn’t one that is needed too much, because he’s a good boy who can entertain himself in peace. And that’s when they start to see each other less and less. They still have dinner together and talk about the day sometimes, but the frequency is nothing like before anymore. Not even close. Kaelestis is hurting himself, and he can’t bring himself to admit to his father that he needs him. No, no, there’s no way he can be an inconvenience to his father. Of course Karias would never think of his son in that way, ever. But Kaelestis’ tendencies to overthink and internalize things drives him to this conclusion. And this doesn’t change much even after Kaelestis becomes a young adult. And so, even to this day, whenever Kaelestis picks up a paintbrush or a chisel, he’d always be reminded of the fact that he (partially) traded away his father’s bond with himself for this. Perhaps this melancholy doesn’t sting Kaelestis as much as it did at first, but it will always be a thorn in his heart, a mild, reoccurring pain.

Kaelestis’ feelings of responsibility over his father carries over to different aspects too. You see, Karias’ personality is drastically different from Kaelestis’. That’s literally just how he is. He’s flamboyant and always going over the top, sometimes he’d say or do something inappropriate by noble standards and get yelled at by Rozaria and Gejutel… etc etc. The usual drill. Kaelestis feels like he needs to keep Karias in check to make sure he’s not being an inconvenience to others. He’s Karias’ son, and it is his duty to make sure Father doesn’t do something so out of line again. And this involves reminding his father of “ahem, Clan Leader, please don’t do that” to reprimanding him if he comedically wails about how he’s not allowed to have fun and his son is just sooooo not fun either. To be honest, Karias has always been like this since the start but Kaelestis just never took it seriously until he got older, because he didn’t think it was a problem. Now that his sense of responsibility is ever so strong, of course he’d be concerned with Karias’ self-representation out there. To Kaelestis, Karias’ image is heavily tied with the entire clan’s image. Karias just thinks his son is hilarious. Which does not amuse Kaelestis because he essentially still needs to parent his parent and being laughed at in the face isn’t exactly helpful either. Kaelestis’ duties includes apologizing to others when Karias does something weird, warning others about what might come, reminding Karias about what and what not to say at meetings, etc etc. You could say that Kaelestis thinks this is exhausting, because it really is. But to him, maybe this is some other form of bonding, to fill that void in his childhood. In a way, this is spending time with his father whom he misses dearly. But still. Kaelestis yearns for Karias to interact with him like they did in his childhood. Just gentle affection and attention from his father. He wants to be a small child again, because he had never been able to smile out of true happiness for a very long time now. He wishes he’d never taken being well-behaved so seriously, because that one phrase of praise led to everything that causes him sadness in the present day. In a way, he misses Karias. Karias was never out of reach, as the two of them live in the same manor and they’re often together on duties and errands. Mentally and emotionally? That’s the complicated part. Kaelestis is there, and not there in the same time. To Karias he’s still his precious son and everything is totally normal. But to Kaelestis there is this gap between them that will never close, and it’s entirely his own fault so he can’t complain. Perhaps if Kaelestis didn’t see clearing a misunderstanding as such a heavy burden, he would’ve done it. Just admit to Father that you were unhappy all along. Just do it. He thinks about it often, but ends up failing every single time. Just can’t bring himself to say it. And so this eats him from the inside out, causing him to be in a constant state of burnout. The kid he was never able to be, and the peace of mind he will never get. The ever so gracious maturity and sophisticated energy that he emits and perceived by others, is a curse to him. The burden does not end there. When he’s with his friends, the others automatically assume that he’ll be the chaperone and take responsibility for anything that happens. Even their joke nickname for him is “dad” because he’s so much like one, right? This puts even more pressure on him, and he has to constantly be on lookout in case any of them does something stupid. Hearing them tell the others “Kaelestis didn’t stop me, so I did it anyway” doesn’t exactly help either. He’s getting blamed for something they decided to do? He never signed up for this, but he doesn’t want to make things complicated, so he keeps it inside and… boom. Stress and more stress. It’s always, always there. He still enjoys being in the presence of his friends but sometimes the burden overrides the joy and in the end, everyone had a good time, except for himself.

One of his deepest unspoken desires is for someone to come hold him, and tell him he can stop and put down everything and just cry. Come and rescue him, and help him out of this cage that he put himself in. To this day, he awaits for someone to burst down that wall he spent his entire life maintaining. Someone. Anyone.

Aaaand this is about it for now! I’d love to talk more about my precious Kaekae in the future so I might do that when I have the opportunity again!

(+ this is why Kaelestis falls for Izar! Unlike virtually all of the others, Izar doesn’t cause much trouble. He’s mostly obsessed with doing research in his own lab and rarely leaves it. Sometimes there’d be an explosion, but that’s pretty much it. Nothing dramatic or extra involved. Izar is also very chill in general and would take care of Kaelestis when he’s a visiting his lab as a “guest” : offering him snacks and drinks, showing him his figure collection and letting him play with them, showering him in plushies to hug, putting a blanket over him after he’s fallen asleep from listening to him reading research papers… all those small but heartwarming things that make Kaelestis feel being taken care of. Izar isn’t even aware of the fact that these simple gestures mean so, so much to Kaelestis and that this dude is in love with him… how lovely! +for more info in Izar feel free to once again check out my pinned post+ special Izar post from before!)

((again sleep deprived so excuse me for any typos haha hopefully it all makes sense! See you again in the future!!))

[femmesandhoney]

Hey I hope this isn't too annoying of an ask, but literally how are you so happy at college? You're like the student I want to be, you're always posting on here about your classes and you're so engaged and seem so into it. Every semester for me is just another couple months of the time passing and panicking. I'm either completely paralyzed in bed or I'm crying in bed. Like, how do you seem so good at this?

it's not all sunshine and rainbows believe me. even my best friend has told me i come off as someone who "has it all figured out", but i often do not feel the same lol, i miss assignments, i stress out and procrastinate until the last minute, i get drained from all the work mentally and physically. all the regular college shit. outside of that tho, i legitimately love learning and interacting with others who are interested in what i like and who i can learn from. that's usually what keeps me happy! i love the people i meet in my classes, i like group discussions, i like being introduced to new things, i love my profs and take all the classes i can with them. generally, im just friendly w people in my classes and that makes me enjoy going to them, and i take classes i enjoy, and if they're reqs i don't care for, i always try to take something out of the experience.

some people do not find learning for the sake of learning fun, but i do, which makes even the roughest days okay, but that doesn't mean the tedious and demanding aspects of college curricula do not wear me down too. i decided to wait to go to grad school bc im exhausted! i am tired and need a break from always having another damn assignment to do and another article to read 😭 those things are taxing, and i already have bad self discipline habits, so you can imagine i often make stuff harder for myself than they need to be. the only reason i get good grades is bc im smart and have a relatively easy time understanding the subjects i study. if i take anything outside my favorite academic areas, like say the natural resources class i took a few years ago, that shit had me crying every damn day lmao.

so yeah, i just enjoy learning for learning sake, but also i like academia and going thru the motions of a classroom experience is fun to me for all the reasons i listed, including the fact i want to be a college professor and just enjoy that atmosphere a lot. i would wager if you're constantly frustrated by your college experience, maybe analyze a bit deeper on what you most dislike? is it specific profs, the people in ur classes, the subject material itself? if theres anything you can try and control to make it more agreeable for you, always take the opportunity, tho ik its not always possible. im lucky that all my areas of study have naturally wonderful people drawn to them (especially the international studies students!), but ik some majors can draw less nice people sometimes :( which can make ur experience harder than it should be. or some people legitimately do not enjoy the institutions that are schools and what they traditionally demand from a person, which is completely understandable. my best friend didn't go to college bc she barely graduated high school bc she hated attending and never turned in her hw. some people just do not thrive in such strict school environments for many reasons. but whatever your case is, i hope you have easier semesters in the future if you continue, no one should ever be so stressed from a class that they cry over it. i think thats a failure of a class and a professor when that occurs, and a sign of a bad class/prof rather than a bad student.