#i want to go to their house again for christmas
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𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙚.
parings: toxic!paige x reader, cheater!paige x reader, sub!paige x dom!reader.
summary: in which you show paige you done playing with her.
warnings: cursing, smacking, nsfw content, a little bit of angst.
a/n: hey ya’ll i hope you guys like this, this is intended for black readers but anyone can read, lmk how i did!!
….
you were absolutely furious with paige, it’s currently 1 in the morning and she’s still not at home, you’ve checked her location and of course it was off. you’ve called, texted her multiple times only to be left on read, or delivered.
paige where u at?
read at 11:59pm.
so u jus gonna leave me on read???
read at 12:02am.
baby come home, please.
read at 12:20am.
paige, please.
read at 12:30am.
bet.
delivered.
you were in disbelief, you constantly begged this woman to do better, it was always a “im sorry baby, ur the only one i want and need.” and you always fell for if, fell for her tricks, and you’re sick of her bullshit. it’s currently 1:20am, your in a robe, a pink bonnet, and your cow slippers paige had bought you for christmas.
you walk downstairs, going to sit down on the couch deciding you were gonna wait for her to come in the house, so she could explain herself, hoping she really wasn’t doing what you think she’s doing, you love paige with all your heart, you two have been together for 2 years, did everything and anything with each other, your in love with paige, you cant help but fall for her silly tricks she plays on you, telling you everything you wanted to hear to get you right back where she wanted you to be.
an hour has passed by, as your on the couch damn near half asleep. you open your eyes looking next to you on the couch as you grab your phone tapping the screen twice so it could come on, it was 2am and she still wasn’t home. you sigh, throwing your phone across the couch in frustration as you sit there, overthinking filling your mind.
20 minutes pass by as your once again half asleep on the couch eyes opening up fully as you hear the front door open, it was her. your pissed, fuming actually, but she just looked so good it was almost hard to be mad at the woman. her dirty blonde hair was sleeked back into a low bun, as she had on a black essentials hoodie with baggy jeans, and jordan retro 5’s. her cologne filled the aroma, with a hint of perfume, your heart dropped.
“and so where the fuck you been at? i know you been seeing me blow your phone up dude.” you say sitting up from the couch, looking right directly at the tall blonde, only for her to walk past you completely ignoring you as she walks towards the stairs. you stomp your way over to her, aggressively turning her towards you. “you don’t hear me talkin to you?? you got some damn nerve coming home at 2am just to ignore me paige.”
the tall woman shrugs, “i been out with kk and the rest of the team, you know this y/n quit bitchin at me.” your heartbeat increases, eyes widening “bitchin? i been blowing your phone up for what 3 hours and get no response and then you have the audacity to walk in here and what ignore me?? u take me for a joke bueckers???”
the blonde tries to keep herself from laughing at the usage of her last name coming from your mouth as she speaks “listen baby ian say tha-“ you cut her off by raising your hand, landing a loud painful slap to her cheek. your so mad the stinging in your hand didn’t really bother you until you realized what you just did, you just put your hands on paige.
you look down at your hands, eyes widening as you look down at the woman who’s now sitting down on one of the steps on the stairs, looking up at you holding her cheek. you felt bad, really bad actually. but you needed to make your point. “you slapped me…” your heart beat increases even more as she finally spoke after what you just did.
“i did..” you look to the side slightly nervous, before looking back down at the blonde. “you can’t take that shit back y/n” she stands up, her figure towering over you, making you take a step back to avoid touching her.
paige was tall, not super tall but she was tall. standing at 6’0, all that tallness containing of pure muscle coming from her, meanwhile you only being 5’4, she definitely felt like she had some authority over you because of how bigger she was compared to you.
“and what makes you think i wanna take that shit back paige? you deserve that slap, for all the dumbass shit you’ve been me through these 2 years paige. TWO FUCKING YEARS PAIGE, you better listen to what the fuck i gotta say to your dumbass, that’s the least you could fucking do.” you shove her causing her to tumble a little back onto the stairs, sitting right back where she was before.
all she could do was stare at you, her face written with a shocked expression, sure you’ve yelled at her before but you never ever put your hands on her, you disrespected her. she couldn’t even fight back or anything but listen to you. “two fucking years paige, TWO LONG ASS YEARS WITH YOU.” your so close to her, spit was getting on her face from you yelling. “two fucking years, of you playing in my face, with the same bitch paige! the bitch not even cute.”
and again, all she could do was stare at you with those blue eyes of hers. your confidence you had made her wet, really wet. normally she was the one yelling at people, getting all in their faces, especially on the court. “are you even fucking hearing what im saying to you?” you look at her breathing hard as your breath hitches at what she says next.
“do somethin about it” what? is she playing? “w-what?” you lean back to take a full look at her. her eyes were signaling you something, she wanted something, you just couldn’t figure it out what it is. “you heard me, do somethin about it since you so mad” you raised your eyebrows as you grinned, all hell was about to break loose, and that’s how yall were here now.
you had her on the bed, her clothes long gone scattered around the room as she laid beneath you vulnerable. her legs were pressed up against her chest, fucking her with your (𝙝𝙚𝙧) purple strap. it had a good length to it, maybe almost to much for paige knowing its been a minute since she’s been like this, but you didn’t care, not at all right now.
her eyes were trying to stay present, threatening to roll back as you touched the most deepest parts in her, giving her no mercy as you pounded into her with every single thing you had left in you.
“p-please baby i cant no more” her hand pressing against your lower stomach trying to pull you out some, scoffing as you slap her hand away from you “you think i care about what u cant take paige? you didn’t care when you was out, ignoring me.” your words bringing back a familiar frustration within you.
all of a sudden, you put her legs on your shoulders thrusting back into her, she moans loudly at the new position, you getting impossibly deeper. she felt like she was about to explode. “m finna cum y/n~ p-please~” she looks up at you with her large blue eyes, her cheeks flushed red & her sleek back bun now messed up.
“you think you deserve to cum paige?, hm?” your hand slips down to rub fast circles on her clit sending her over the edge, toes curling over your shoulders. she lets out a scream/moan from the pleasure as her legs start to shake, you knew she was about to cum.
“and you better hold that shit” you remove the strap from her, replacing them with two of your fingers, curling them up to her special spot. your fingers moved hard against her walls you could hear them.
“ohhh fuckkk i cant i cant~ please ma” tears dropping down her face as she looks up at you, giving you desperate eyes. “you done playing with me?” you continue your brutal pace with your fingers, giving her direct eye contact. she’s to caught up with moaning, her eyes rolled back all the way back to her skull. “i said are you done playing paige” you use your other hand to slap her clit, immediately catching her attention as she twitches beneath you.
“yes m done playing i-i swear baby” she pants up at you. you grin looking down at her for a moment before finally letting her have a release.
“cum”, that was all she needed to hear before letting out a loud pornographic-like moan before squirting all over your fingers. “oh my fuck!”
“yea thats what i thought, dont ever play again.”
a/n: clearly im a beginner don’t judge to hard ya’ll🥲, i got sloppy at the end my bad for thattt, but i hope yall like it for the most part.
#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers x black reader#uconn x reader#paige bueckers smut#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers#paige bueckers x black!reader#sub!paige bueckers x reader
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Vow Renewal I Renaldo x Matt (SNL Sketch)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9373dd4cb315b1ab0cb168da53c6b6e9/412f414fd09e7439-06/s540x810/fea7b1374e1853323e61ff6234fde3d160246d2b.jpg)
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Summary: Just when things seem to finally be calming down in Matt's marriage, someone from his past shows up at the Vow Renewal. And Renaldo has always been Matt's favorite temptation.
Pairing: Renaldo x Matt (SNL Sketch) Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 2.6k Tags: Explicit, Smut, Semi-Public Sex, Dirty-Talk, An*l Sex, MLM, (Light) Spanking, Cheating (ish), Crackfic, Never thought I'd write smut about an SNL sketch but who is surprised
AO3 LINK // Masterlist
notes: i have no defense, i saw the sketch, i opened my laptop and a wrote this. have fun ♡
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Vow Renewal
It’s been a rocky road. But it didn’t start out that way. When Matt met Kelsey in College, their relationship was picture perfect. A few glances and smiles exchanged from their respective seats in the lecture hall, an invitation to grab coffee on a friday. Matt brought flowers and paid for the drinks with a few crumpled up dollar notes and asked questions that he hoped made him sound smart and well educated.
They must have, because three months later, for Christmas, he met Kelsey’s family for the first time, sweating too much at the dinner table as he tried to be on his best behavior. But despite the nerves, all was going well. He popped the question two years later. She said yes.
Then came Domingo. And it all went to shit.
Matt was surprised they had even gone through with the marriage but with Kelsey promising again and again that she was over Domingo and that she only had eyes for Matthew, things settled down. Still, they decided on a vow renewal less than a year later. A sign of good faith. For both of them, though that detail was unknown to Kelsey.
He uses his hand to smooth down his hair, trying not to mess up the product that is already holding it in place. The venue they have booked is small but pretty and even though they are already married, seeing the white and pink decorations is making Matthew feel like his tie is too tight, cutting off his air supply. “I’ll be outside for a moment,” he mutters to one of his groomsmen. They barely take notice of his departure, too busy going over some sheets of paper that are sure to be another embarrassing, self-written song. Like anything good ever comes out of those.
The February air that greets him outside is cold and he shivers in his suit, letting the door fall shut behind him. The balcony stretches along the back of the house, overlooking a forest behind it. It probably makes a nice addition to the venue in the summer, when the weather allows it. But today, it is empty.
He smells him before he sees him. Matt doesn't smoke, unless he counts the two times he tried it in college. He doesn't know shit about cigarettes. But he'd recognize the scent of American Spirits mixed with him anywhere.
The sounds of Renaldo's footsteps echo around the terrasse as he comes closer, like a wolf stalking its prey. “I was waiting for you.”
“Renaldo.” Matt is surprised to hear that his voice comes out shaking. “I didn't know you were here.” He’s not sure why he sounds so hostile. Renaldo hasn't done a thing to him. Except be the very thing he can't have.
“Any yet here I was, still waiting.” He has that fucking smirk on his face.
“How is Santiago?” Matt asks quietly, leaning back against the bannister because he wants to keep as much distance between them as possible and hoping that the topic of Renaldo’s hot brother will provide distraction. But it's like he's back on that golf course where they first met.
“Good. He's good.” Renaldo hums, taking another step towards him. “But that's not the question you really want to ask, is it?” It's like he's challenging him, brown eyes focused on his face, searching for the hint of emotion that will betray his desire and make him an open book. “It's been a very long time, hasn't it? A whole year.”
Matt can feel the man entering his space, his scent even more protruding now. “I told you it wasn't like that, Renaldo. I'm not like that.”
“I don’t remember you complaining,” he muses and fuck, Matt doesnt have it in himself to deny that. “In fact, I think you were doing quite the opposite.” Renaldo’s hand comes to rest on the banister beside his and he towers over him, his voice dropping to a whisper against his ear. “You were begging for it.”
His reaction is immediate. Matt lets out a soft noise that is somewhere between outrage and a moan and he feels his dress pants getting tighter, a shiver running over his body. He takes in Renaldo’s face for a few split seconds, the small goatee, the fine lines that serve as a visual reminder of their age difference and brown eyes filled with lust. Then, Matt pushes himself off the banister and right into Renaldo’s arms, his lips finding those of his illicit lover.
Renaldo’s tongue pushes against his mouth until he gives in and opens for him, their mouths catching his moans when the other man begins to explore his mouth, all restraint forgotten.
Matthew is panting when they break apart. “Not out here. Kelsey's parents are–” He takes a shuddering breath. “Everyone is here. Come on.”
He takes Renaldo’s hand, prompting the other man to follow him without hesitation. They squeeze through the door again, taking a left to get further away from the ceremony hall, when an idea pops into Matthew’s head. The room is small and windowless, almost too full with two chairs, a vanity and clothes rail. It's where he got ready with his best man half an hour earlier. Now, it has turned into the perfect hiding spot.
He doesn't even have a chance to lock the door behind them when Renaldo pushes him further into the room, pinning him against the nearest wall with an audible thud. Matt doesn't know the layout of the house, doesn't know if Kelsey is getting ready behind this very wall. But just the thought of it makes him whimper.
Renaldo’s hands are wandering down his body, his broad form trapping Matt in the most delicious way. He can feel his legs on either side of his right one, already feeling the hard cock pressing into his thigh. By the way his own pants are stretching, he can tell he's not far behind either. One hand finds Matt's back, the other trailing over his neck and somehow Renaldo still knows exactly where to touch him to draw those breathless little moans from his throat.
“You fuck her?” Renaldo grunts and it takes a moment for Matt to remember who he is talking about. His own voice comes out breathless.
“She’s my girlfriend–” He feels Renaldo press into him more at that. “No, she’s your fucking wife,” he growls. “But she was your fiancé last time and you still let me fuck you. So I assume that hasn't changed?”
“I’m not bi,” Matt chokes out, not because he believes it but simply because he's so used to saying it, even when he knows that Renaldo of all people does not give a damn what label he puts on his sex life.
“You want me to stop?” He grunts, searching Matt's eyes for a few seconds. Renaldo can watch as they soften and the younger man shakes his head.
“No,” he whispers and Renaldos smirk returns at that, tugging at the groom's belt.
“Then lose those fucking pants.”
He is eager to obey, fumbling with his belt with shaking hands and then practically ripping his pants down, not even bothering to step out of them properly. Just enough to allow Renaldo access. He hisses as the other man hooks his thumb into his briefs and pulls them down in one quick motion, his cock already hard and leaking. “Should’ve come earlier–” Matthew mutters and the next moment, Renaldo’s hand comes down onto his bare ass, grumbling an empty threat.
His large, callused hand stays there, kneading the flesh and it's like he remembers the exact motions still, both of them no doubt taken back to that night in Scottsdale. Renaldo slips his index finger inside and Matt immediately feels his muscles clench down on him. “Relax.” Renaldos voice is a bit softer now, low against his ear as he begins working his finger further inside, though with a bit of a struggle. The squeezes of his ass turn into soft caresses. “You got any lube on you?”
Matt shakes his head, already trying to mentally prepare himself for a more painful experience than he’d like. But to his surprise, Renaldo just nods and withdraws his finger. “Don't move. I'll be just a second.”
***
His steps through the hallway are hurried, partly because he doesn't want to leave Matt waiting and partly because he doesn't want to be caught sneaking around with a more than obvious boner in his pants. Renaldo nods to himself in relief when he finds the kitchen empty, the staff nowhere to be seen. He eyes the white two-tier cake with a small shake of his head, not paying it too much attention. Instead, he opens one cabinet after another until he finds what he’s looking for. “Bingo.”
He slips back into the dressing room with the bottle of olive oil and laughs as he watches Matt's eyes go wide. “That's the expensive stuff–” He breathes out because of course that's what Matthew would be worried about right now.
“Good,” Renaldo comments dryly. “Then maybe it’ll be nearly as good as real lube.” He carelessly throws the cap into a corner and places the open bottle onto the vanity beside them. As soon as he’s back beside him, Matt's hands reach for him, fingers clawing at the golden chain around his neck, pressing his half naked form against him. It's like now that he has him, he doesn't want to let him go again.
“Do you need to lie down or are you good to stand?” Unless Renaldo is very much mistaken, he doesn't believe that Matt has been with another guy since their fleeting romance and he remembers the whispered confession about being his first.
“I can stand if you can, old man.”
Oh. He knows exactly how to push his fucking buttons. Two can play that game. In one quick motion, Renaldo uses his size to his advantage, turning Matt on the spot and bending him over, the younger man's hands flat against the wall, his ass stuck out and on display. Renaldo brings his palm down on each side, feeling his own desire skyrocket at the sight of his hand imprinted on the cheeks for a few moments.
The soft moans from Matt's mouth mix with the distinct jingle of Renaldo opening his belt, followed by that of a zipper opening. He kicks his pants off and reaches for the bottle, his cock already aching to be touched. The cool sensation of the olive oil sends shivers through his body and Renaldo fists himself a few times, coating his length in the makeshift-lube.
“Who the fuck are you calling an old man, huh?” He grunts as he lines his tip up with Matt's hole and begins to bury himself inside, looking down to watch inch after inch disappear, the younger man's body already so tight around him that he feels like he could shoot his load right away.
“Fuck–” Matt chokes out, curling his fingers as he holds himself up against the wall and Renaldo watches him closely. He knows exactly what he needs. So he leans forward, reaching around to hurriedly undo the buttons of Matt's dress shirt and carelessly sends it to the floor. He runs his tongue over Matt's shoulder as he bottoms out, teeth scraping over his neck. Distracting from the pain that they both know will turn into their favorite pleasure in a few seconds.
“You good?” He hums quietly, giving the other man a moment to check in with him. He watches him nod weakly and Renaldo tuts softly. “Words, baby,” he reminds him.
“Good. It's so good, Jesus–” Matt presses out, rolling his shoulders back slightly. “Please move.”
Renaldo obeys, beginning with shallow thrusts, working his way in and out. His free hand wanders down Matt's chest, fingernails scratching his skin just enough to make him shiver. Then, he finds his lover's middle and wraps his hand around the leaking cock that has been so starved of attention until now. He loves how the other man feels in his hand, heavy and slick with precum.
“You're gonna ruin those pretty dress pants,” Renaldo mutters into his ear, punctuating each of his sentences with a deep thrust. “Did your little wife buy them for you?”
For a split second, he thinks he’s gone too far, feeling Matt tense under him. But then, his dick twitches in his hand, making Renaldo smirk as Matt groans. “I want them ruined.”
He doesn't have to ask twice. Renaldo sets a faster pace, making both of them pant with effort as Matt bounces himself back on his cock. The sound of skin slapping on skin fills the room and judging by its weight, Renaldo is certain that the wooden door of the dressing room is in no way soundproof. Good.
“Renaldo–” Matt doesn't even have to say it. They both know what he’s asking and the older man nods weakly, burying his nose against his neck as a groan leaves him. “Yes.”
He lets his thumb flick over Matthews tip, making him whimper and his body shudder below him. His muscles quiver around his own cock in a way that lets him know he’s close. His grip around Matt's cock tightens and he strokes him right up to that delicious edge. Then, he drops his hand, prompting a weak string of curses from below him.
“I want you to come from just feeling me,” Renaldo rasps and is met with eager nods. “Think you can do that?”
“Yes, fuck–please–” He’s begging the same way he was that night, falling apart below Renaldo’s hands so beautifully. “Renaldo–” He chokes out. “Tell me to leave her.”
He hesitates for a moment, knowing that those words hold more weight than any of their actions tonight. But eventually, he nods, driving himself deep into the man below him. “Leave her.”
Matt moans, his name on his lips and shoots his load without further warning, the sticky fluid ruining his pants the way that Renaldo promised it would. He brings his hand back to stroke his lover through his orgasm, drawing it out and a few moments later, Renaldo follows suit, spilling himself deep inside of Matthew, exactly where he is meant to be, their bodies melting together and he finally, finally marks what is his.
He pulls out with a grunt eventually, watching his cum drip from Matt's hole for a moment, ruining any slight chance of salvaging those black pants, now stained with white. Renaldo lets himself fall onto one of the chairs at the back of the room, beckoning Matt to follow him and pulling him onto his lap, one strong thigh serving as his seat. He closes his eyes for a moment as he feels Matt tracing his gold chain again, his touch now so delicate.
“I'm gonna have to see her at the family functions, won't I? If she gets with Domingo.” Renaldo can tell that he's trying to hide the anxiety in his voice but he's not doing a very good job of it. He sighs, opening his eyes again and nods.
A smirk spreads over Renaldo’s face as he nudges Matt's chin, prompting them to lock eyes. Then, without blinking, he brings his right hand up to his own mouth and licks a stripe along its side, catching a few drops of Matt’s cum on his lips.
“You’ll have to. But I promise there’ll always be a dressing room to fuck in.”
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notes: thanks for reading! if you enjoyed, feel free to reblog or follow me for more ♡
#fanfic#fanfiction#snl#saturday night live#renaldo x matt#vow renewal#smut#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal smut#softpascalito#domingo#domingo fanfiction#renaldo / matt#pedro pascal character#snl sketch#snl skit#marcello hernandez#bad bunny#idk how to tag this bffr
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Plants & Babies
Summary: Lloyd is Lloyd, but he’s a good dad.
Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x fem!Reader
Warnings: fluff, naughty Lloyd, daddy Lloyd, fun, implied smut, no daddy kink
Catch up here: Flowery peace offering & A very Lloyd Christmas
“You’re always hungry, like your daddy,” you softly coo as your daughter latches onto your nipple. She greedily suckles at your tit, eyes focused on your face. “He loves them too.”
“Did someone say my name?”
Lloyd casually strolls into the bedroom, his eyes immediately drifting toward your exposed chest. He licks his lips and hums while cupping his crotch. Adjusting his pants, he tries not to think of getting naughty with his daughter around.
You chuckle because you saw him tug at his pants. Since you had his baby, Lloyd is obsessed with getting you pregnant again. Not that he wasn’t a horny dog before.
“I heard you ladies need daddy.” You snort at his words. “What?” He asks, his brow furrowed. “I’m here to save the day. What can I do for you today, Cupcake? I want to help.”
“You can make me tea and breakfast.” You grin at Lloyd. “Your daughter is sucking all the energy out of my body. And I need to put her to bed. It will take me some time to get her to sleep.”
“Consider it done, Cupcake.” Lloyd is gone before you can blink. He whistles a tune, already planning on getting you round again.
Lloyd is a man possessed. He cannot think of anything but having you on any surface of the house. Of course, he won’t tell you so. He’s obsessed with his newborn daughter too and doesn’t want you to strangle him before he gets the chance to watch her grow up.
“Your daddy is a dirty man,” you whisper before kissing your daughter’s head. “He tries to hide it but fails every time. You need to be careful, baby girl. He’s going to keep all the boys away from you. Your daddy loved to get naughty but wouldn’t have anyone near you.”
“Damn right,” Lloyd huffs as he walks back inside the bedroom, a tray filled with all the things having your mouth water. “No one is getting near my girls.” He smirks as you slowly rock your daughter in your arms. She burps loudly, making you chuckle as Lloyd snorts.
“She’s her father’s daughter.” Proudly puffing his chest, Lloyd steps in front of the bed to put the tray down. “Let me handle her, baby. I’ll put her to bed, and you can have breakfast and rest a little longer.”
When he carefully takes your daughter out of your arms, you smile. Lloyd is not only a horny dog but also a determined father too. “Now, pretty lady, I’m going to take you to bed.” He chuckles as he looks at you, not your daughter. “But first, I’ll help our sweet daughter sleep.”
“Naughty, Mr. Hansen,” you grab a croissant from the tray. “Maybe I got some sugar for you later.” You wink at Lloyd.
“I’ll keep you up on that promise, Cupcake…”
Watching Lloyd sneak back inside the bedroom, the baby phone in his hand, you smirk. “She’s asleep. Our little angel looks so sweet when asleep. Just like her mommy.”
“Hmm…” you purr his name and kneel on the bed. “Say something sexy to me, baby.”
“I love how your tits fight the nightgown,” Lloyd groans, eyes glued to your tits. “You look ready to get eaten, Cupcake.”
“No, say something really sexy,” you crawl toward the edge of the bed, tugging at his pants. “Come on, say what I want to hear.”
“Baby.” Lloyd cups your face, thumb brushing over your lower lips. You mewl when he says, “I’m going to take you plant shopping…”
#Plants & Babies#lloyd hansen#lloyd hansen x reader#lloyd hansen x you#lloyd hansen x y/n#lloyd hansen fanfiction
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American biscuits and gravy are the best. I once got into a fight with a British person over this.
White gravy > brown gravy
"But that's not real gravy that's just milk sauce" shaddup
It tastes better and thats what matters 😤
#having american family has opened my world#because they fed me so many american holiday food and now it lives in my brain rent free#i want to go to their house again for christmas#i want to eat that food#thats what i want to eat every day of my life#turkey and ham dinner DELICIOUS give me 1000 more of that#cranberry pie? *becomes rabid*#also fuck greg heffley for making me think meatloaf was supposed to taste bad#its one of the best things ive ever had in my life
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irt the lrb what would you say if i said liam & noel spent new years 2023 together in paris
what would you say if i said liam bought the house in france (the one with noel's name carved into the walls) in march 2023 and that month noel talked about wanting to spend several months in paris
which could mean nothing
#just making guesses chatting shit talking bollocks you know how it is#if anyone can debunk that first thing pls tell me!#feel like i'm wearing a tinfoil hat and it doesn't vibe with my outfits if y'know what i mean#feel like i should do a timeline but every time i try it gets out of hand#ok have some very messy puzzle piecing:#liam & noel texting/calling from time to time since jan 2020#noel splits w sara spring 2022 starts spending more time in manchester#maybe march mothers day something happened?? possibly liam & noel met up in april??? that's pure speculation though#pretty boy released oct 31 2022 noel stops wearing wedding ring#noel spends christmas in england for the first time in ages#liam listens to the smiths all christmas eve. on christmas he has a party for close friends and family (including bod)#liam and debbie go to france for the new year to house hunt#liam claims on twitter (no one believes him) that noel is with him on new years day#(((he posts a selfie that i uhhh got very tinhatty about.. don't worry about it)))#noel goes to a football game on jan 5 and he is in a very good mood#divorce news jan 14. liam's divorce playlist jan 15. allegedly out drinking together jan 16. noel does promo for new single jan 17#jan 18th liam claims on twitter noel wants to meet up#peggy's 80th birthday end of jan#liam's hip surgery beginning of feb#feb 6th he claims noel's “coming over later to wipe my arse and change the bedding he's a good lad really”#starts slagging noel off for real again in early march (he'd been “nice” since november's pretty boy promo)#news that he bought a house in france#noel does a bunch of promo at the end of march (when the 3rd single came out) some of which didnt air until june when the album came out#there's one interview where he seems very tired and hungover and he blabs about paris for ages#end of march is the 1st time he tells liam to call him. 2 months later he asks (goads) liam again a bunch of times#anyway i probably forgot some liam tweets from jan/feb and i really haven't looked into 2022 or 2021 yet#but yeah it's pretty clear they were hanging out 👁️👁️ jan 2023 and then things soured by march after liam's surgery#(((kinda wonder if noel ghosted him and then was too scared to call))) ←wondering that bc it's exactly what i would've done :/#the christmas eve/day stuff probably means nothing btw but well i'm feeling insane about the new years stuff don't even worry about it
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I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.
#blue chatter#am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no.#ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing#but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics.#and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t.#and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture#which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people#autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf!#not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people#depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay#but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL#and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them#I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house#their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting#I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation#they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo#which is rly neat#it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’#which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower.#but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes.#oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her.#which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page.#Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time.#which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e#it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid#and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’#and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun#I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^
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#I’m so fucking burnt out#I have -300 spoons right now#and I have no fucking clue how to get out of the negatives#going from thanksgiving to a family trip (driving 24 hours both ways and spending a week…. took everything out of me) to Christmas#to new years to family birthdays#and I live with my parents so I’ve been helping them with stuff nonstop for the past month#I’m exhausted and so so so fucking hopeless#feel like the only way for me to be happy or work on my happiness again is if I move#but that’s so fucking unlikely#and I don’t even want to think about how much housing is going to change after the presidents change#I’m so scared#I can’t live here anymore#but I have no where else to go#and I don’t want anyone to get me wrong - I know I’m so lucky to have a roof over my head#but being this unhappy every single day for the past 2 years is really getting to me#I cant live like this anymore I just can’t#it’s not living it’s not even fucking surviving I’m just here#I’ve been working so damn hard went to 2 different mental health programs been seeing a therapist every week#seeing a psychiatrist a lot to figure out my meds#but I’m still like this and I just don’t know anymore#I’m so tired#sorry ignore me#shut up rosie
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SIMPLE COMMISSIONS OPEN
Ok, i cant find any other job nor other way to make some money rn. I still have to pay 450 for credit card, that we used to buy groceries, 450 for electricity and at least mom's phone. Ideally, 700 that we owe for the apartment payments, but we can keep pretending it doesnt matter as much.
So, opening sketch and whump comms bc i cant bring myself to do more than that rn. I can barely bring myself to draw at all. I could even toss some notion of nsfw for an extra 10 bucks.
Prices, how-to's and more info >>here<<
Im relatively desperate, bc even tho i managed to pay the internet bill, it doesnt matter if electricity is cut down, specially as we're having heat waves of about 40C for the last week with no end in sight.
(I listed the amount i need in brazilian real, so it would be around 250usd. 400usd if we count the apartment things that im ignoring.)
#emergency commissions#commissions#help an artist#thankfully my aunt decided to buy us some groceries but it wont last much#paid a few bills with money my friends gave me as a christmas present but im still very embarassed by the need#even more so that i didnt manage to make it last more than a month#also my dad being home is becoming a problem#me and mom are trying to eat less so we can keep having food for longer#and he spends the whole day eating everything he sees#its been hard and i dont want to ask for help but i dont know what else to do#no one else will help bc we have a capable man at the house and why cant he go back to the job HE ACTUALLY HAS to keep us afloat#but he doesnt want to so now i have to take care of the bills myself#doesnt matter that i was fired bc the computer can do the same work i did#im very tired and trying to not spiral into depression yet again
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HEARTBROKEN
#I'm the bad guy because I want to postpone Christmas at my in laws because one of them tested positive for covid#and I don't want to postpone physical therapy at my cancer hospital again#it's been a month I NEED that therapy#we had plans to meet with so many friends#and I said if we do go#we are staying separate house#not talking to family for risk of them having it#and we cant see any of our friends#Hubby is not happy with that at all#Grr babe I have no immune system#the patients at the cancer hospital have no immune system#one of our friends is hanging out with me between flights#another has small children#the third has been ill and disabled since childhood#and I;m the bad guy for putting my foot down'#I can;t cry anymore because of damage from all my brain surguries#but I'm sobbing#I feel so bad#enforcing my boundaries hurts sometimes#kn2s talks#covid
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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trying to act normal over the fact that we're moving house next week. and failing
#god i just need to fall apart NOW#im barely hanging on fr#we dismantled the sofa today and are now sitting on our old chairs in the living room#and i almost died actually#thinking about how i had no idea that last night would be THE last night i ever ate my dinner on that sofa in this house#or about how last night was the last night I would ever sit with my boyfriend on that sofa in this house#or or or or or#there are so many things that are about to be the last time i ever do them in this house#and i hate that i cant properly know when they will be#what if i never walk my dogs in this park again#what if i never wash my hair upstairs ever again#what if i never cook another meal in this kitchen#WHY CAN WE NOT KNOW WHEN WE ARE DOING THINGS FOR THE FINAL TIME#i hate this#it's literally never going to be over and i mean that#after we move#we have to clean and organise and unpack/buy things for my dads house#which will take months especially to buy furniture and decorate bec he wont have enough money for extra things#and then my mum will be moving into her new house#probably December but honestly could be after Christmas. who knows#and then the same again#at least her house is newer and has been lived in#dads hasnt been lived in for years and is dirty and unused#FUCK#i need a break#and i just know i wont be able to visit my boyfriends house for WEEKS#i just want to get through this move but god. it will never be over#em talks#tag talk
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having a minor james marriot hyperfixation which we're gonna ignore but it's a good thing it didn't happen ~ 3 weeks ago because 'i'd quite like to go home now' would have killed me
#i am literally never going there ever again and i am so happy ❤️#my housemate was absolutely beside herself when i said i wouldn't be going home for the ENTIRE MONTH of december (i'm not going home at all)#“”“”“”“home”“”“”“”#but she was just utterly shocked. complete disbelief. how can you not want to go home for christmas?!?!?!?!?!!#as if i'd just said I actually come from the planet zopgar#little does she know#i will be at home for christmas#exactly where i need to be. in my cosy bed in my cosy house.
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venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed
#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the#guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over#and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO.#because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed.#but i wish we could#my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him.#i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too#vent#SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist#my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them.#i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it#AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room#and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes#baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying#and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it#but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie#and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much.#i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me#also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that
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shit, it's Christmas in two days????
#im making this post because I unironically don't know what to do#venting again#I leave my parents house whenever I can when im home because house being messy gives me anxiety#and I could clean but listen#their house is Huge#like id be exhausted and grossed out and also#I don't want to#so ive been occupying myself by going to lil cafes and reading#ive been to barnes and noble like three times in the past week alone (I buy tiny items when im there and just spend time reading at the caf#Christmas Day my parents are prob gonna stay here instead of going to my grandmas house#which ugh#idk what to do!! I could play guitar and piano all day#bc we don't really celebrate Christmas now that my brother and I are Grown#so idk#ig I'll clean the house and eat food and play music#so festive!!!#and think about my crush a lot more and maybe call my friends bc I miss them#hehe im dating my crush like crazy in my head#shes so crazyyyyyy#(me im her)#(but im a dude)#why do I almost want to spend Christmas at my friends' house lol#bc loaded topic but I do NOT talk to my father#lol
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i love my mom but sometimes i really just wanna -
#like i really do love her and she's coming up to see me this coming weekend#but like#sometimes she does things or says things completely forgetting the fact that we've already talked about it#for example#she's hosting christmas at her house and i've already talked to her and the whole family about how we aren't going because#it's just not gonna work out schedule or money wise.#keep in mind they decided to do this AFTER i had specifically asked we hold it closer to me so that i COULD attend and that was back in mar#but whatever#she texted asking if i was joining them for christmas and i said no - AGAIN#and she said#“i kinda figured but wanted to let you know you're invited”#like HUH#I HOPE I'M INVITED TO MY OWN FAMILY'S FUCKING CHRISTMAS WHAT THE FUCK#also she's coming to see me this weekend and she keeps making plans#without asking if i'd even want to join her in them she just assumes that i will#remi vents
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*chewing off my own bones*
…hey guys how’s everyone doing want to hang out?
#I MISS THEM it’s been like a week and I’m fucking loosing my mind I’m trapped in this fucking house and I hate it here please- pleas#Take me outside I miss the sun I want to see you again let’s go somewhere anywhere please#Why is asking to hang out so nerve wrecking when I know I could be told no#I’m stuck in this fucking house with my fucking family and it’s Christmas and everyone’s busy and even if they weren’t busy I probably#Wouldn’t ask to hang out anyway because it’s hard and if I would I would struggle explaining that I REALYWANT to and not just that we shoul
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