#i want to get a tattoo asap and i know i might be blowing my first paycheck on it and my car

[tinytrashkid]

i gotta make sure i’m eating enough protein!!! i actually want to start lifting and building a more masculine shape. plus, i gotta get stronger so i can keep up with the boys when i start doing car mechanic stuff!

[drethanramslay]

Chapter 3

Pairing: Cassian x MC (for this chapter)

Warning: Violence, slight description of blood and swearing

Word count: 3.3 K

Chapter 1 2

Taglist: @choices-love-affair @miyakokurono @openheart12 @trappedinfandoms @noboundariesplease @nooruleman @madampugzalot @sekizincimektup @dailydoseofchoices @choicesfanaf @kaavyaethanramsey @junggoku @flyawayboo @whatchique @vampiregirlsblog @squishywizardhq @lilyvalentine @agent-breakdance (let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist ☺️)

Song: Lover of mine by 5 seconds of summer

Forgive me if there are any mistakes 😬

Being a US Marshal, doesn't purely mean fireballs and explosion. It doesn't mean strong, burly men entering empty warehouses guns blazing.

It means practice, precision and patience.

It means to learn from your mistakes but not dwell in them. We must learn from failure and try better next time. But to indulge in the sorrow or regret brings about unsustainable misery, which doesn't help the cause.

It means providing protection to the people in need when the environment is threatening to their life.

It means being selfless and not hesitating to lay your life for the country. It doesn't mean being suicidal, but it's actually gives meaning and purpose to life.

It means being patient with fugitives and keeping a cool, calm and collected mind at times of crisis.

Assess the situation and defuse it. That's what my supervisor used to say. And it's stuck with me all through my life.

My eyes scanned the room, gauged the situation we were in. Adira was wimpering which gave the intruder a sadistic pleasure. He was running the gun along her jaw.

"Not so feisty are we now?" He said smiling sinisterly.

We could use the false sense of security to our advantage.

The room was a mess. Upturned tables and broken lamps. I was standing at the entrance of the room and they were right across me, around 20 metres away. I know that if I were to do anything, he would straight up blow her brains out. But one thing caught my eye.

They were standing in front of an open widow. That window was pretty big and it opened up on to the rose bushes. A fall from this height might just result in broken bones but, the element of surprise can help us escape.

"Adira." I said calmly, trying to calm her down with my eyes. Her eyes met and I tried to show her that we are going to be okay. That I always have a back up plan.

"Cassian..." She whimpered again.

"Hands like Houdini." I said my eyes not leaving her cerulean ones.

"Huh?" Her eyes focusing, like the lens of a camera.

"Hands like Houdini." I said, without giving much away.

"Stop with this lovey dovey eyes. Shut the FUCK U-"

And at that moment, she threw her hands down and pushed him back with her hips. He stumbled and lost balance resulting him to fall down the window. We heard a yell but it was caught off short. I ran to her and gathered her in my arms.

"It's okay. You are safe. You are alive." I said as I ran my hand through her head. As she seeked comfort in my arms I glanced at the man who fell of the window. A pool of blood was slowly increasing around his head.

He had hit his head to the brick fence. He was dead.

"We need to go. We are compromised." I said as I grabbed her hand and picked up the gun which the intruder had dropped. I checked the number of bullets and Adira picked up the crowbar.

I stared at her and she just shrugged.

Okay then.

We immediately left the house not caring about our clothes or anything. Tomas will hook us up. It was still dusk as we ran down the beach, never once slowing down. I had kept a jet ski under the tarps nearby which could help us in a quick getaway to the sea.

My iPhone had somehow survived the entire ordeal as I reached for it in my pocket. I sped dialed Tomas's number.

"Tell me Keane." Tomas's cool voice spoke through the phone.

"Tomas we have been compromised. I just now fought of three intruders who were wearing a pin with the logo of the Great Irish mob. Tomas... They sent in assassins."

"How is the witness?"

"She is shooken up but okay. We are getting on to the-" a bullet ricocheted through the air and it grazed my shoulder.

"FUCK." I hissed as the pain stung me.

Adira screamed and I immediately spoke into the phone. "Alert the backup. They have cleaning up to do. But DO NOT make a huge show."

Hanging up I turned and I assessed the people shooting us.

"Adira, get the jet ski started. Do you remember how I taught you?" As I loaded the gun and switched off the safety.

Resolution and determination sparked in her eyes. "Yes. Just knock those assholes down while I ride."

She got the jet ski into the sea and put the key into the ignition and roared it to life. I sat facing the shooters lining up the gun and breathing out as my eyes focused on them, letting my instincts flow through me.

Three people.

Three bullets.

Three headshots.

Three dead.

I sighed with relief as the threat had been neutralized. From my point of view this was an absolute win but Tomas would look at it as a failure. But that's okay. Adira was smirking as I leaned against her back, a small smile playing at my lips.

I live to see another day. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well... We have a goddamn mess on our hand." Nwosu's voice boomed through the laptop. Adira was sleeping in the bedroom while Tomas and me were in the lounge on the house boat. It was around eleven in the night and the stars shone bright above the ocean.

I was sitting shirtless, drinking a cool beer so that I could have enough fuel to deal with Nwosu's cranky ass. My collarbone tattoo was on full display and my shoulder was bandaged.

Luckily it was just a scratch but it still stung.

Tomas was standing, with a hand dragging down his face. Sleep deprivation was written all over his face as he took another sip of his third coffee that evening.

"You can say that again." Tomas said as he grumbled into the mug.

"How did it happen though?"

"Adira mentioned her finance background at the shack today, accidentally. I think they have been tailing us for a long damn time. They just were waiting for our cover to blow." I said as I looked into the video camera.

"Fuck. You had one job. So you know what this means?" Nwosu said as he rubbed his hand on his balding head. Anger seeped into my veins and I narrowed my eyes.

"It mean they are onto us. Nwosu, we need to relocate them as soon as possible. Which safe houses are ready to go?" Tomas asked, smoothly cutting the tension. I let out a sigh completely exhausted.

Luckily I don't have a concussion from hitting my head to the counter but there was a dull throb in my temple. I pressed the icepack ti the sore spot again, getting temporary relief.

"If they caught them in a matter of week in Nantucket, then what is the possibility of them finding them anywhere else in the States?" Tomas continued as he scratched his chin.

"Well we-" I began but Nwosu interrupted me like the colossal jackass he is.

"Shit you are right..." I rolled my eyes as he leaned back into his chair.

What a dramatic asshole.

"We are looking at international relocation Nwosu." I said as I crushed and threw the empty beer can into the trash can. "Move the witness into a better location which has good connection with the American embassy and is willing to co-operate to catch these buggers when we need back up." I said as I stretched my hands behind my head.

Tomas and Nwosu were in a long and tense silence. "Which countries will work with us?" Tomas asked.

"We have good relationship with Ireland, Canada and Australia." Nwosu said as he looked up.

"You can remove Canada from the list. Did you see how Trump threw a bitch fit after he found Trudeau and Boris talking behind his back in that conference?" I scoffed. I maybe in law enforcement but I hated the president.

I mean how would he, an owner of a multi-million company know the struggles of the poor. And he is greedy and racist as hell. I have seen how much Nwosu and Tomas had to struggle because of their colour. I'm telling you, one of these days, America is gonna fall into ruin because of this retard.

"Yeah.. you are right. We can even remove Australia because transport is time taking and the mob issues there aren't as grave as it is over here."

"So that leaves Ireland. We did contact them regarding the Great Irish Mob a couple of months back and apparently the HQ is over there in... Kenmare." Tomas said as he opened the other laptop to search for the exchange of messages between them.

My heart started beating fast.

No.. Not Kenmare please.. I started praying. I worked all my life to get out of that hell hole and if I have to go there for an assignment it will be total clownery.

"Kenmare? Haven't heard of that.." Nwosu said.

"It's a small town south to the county if Kerry. It has its peek tourist season and there is considerable nightlife there but, it's pretty quiet out there. It's an ideal place to have HQ. People are busy in their own lives and nobody will question anything." I said as I gave a dry chuckle.

And that's true. They might appear to be friendly and nice but, nobody gives a damn and they turn the other way when a fourteen year old would ask for help.

"Seems like we just got you a new holiday location, Keane. Kenmare it is."  Nwosu said as he shut the case file. "I'll be sending you the details ASAP. Good night boys." With that he disconnected the call. I sighed, tension seeping into the muscles of my shoulder, making me stiff.

"How does it feel like to go back home, Keane?" Tomas asked with a grin.

"Can't wait." I said dryly, worry and panic slowly stirring in my stomach.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomas, Adira and me stepped out of Kerry airport. The sun was shining but the wind blowing was cold. Adira was shivering in the shorts and top she had worn. I had specifically told her that the summer over here is chilly and short but, will she ever listen?

"Hello Mr. Tomas. Welcome to Ireland. I'm Matthew." A Irish ambassador who was wearing the disguise of a taxi driver spoke as he shook my hand.

"Dia dhuit." I greeted him, my Irish accent becoming more pronounced.

"Irish?" Matthew asked as he gave me a curious eye. I just stiffly nodded, and stuffed my hands in the pocket and eyes him, challenging him to ask me anything more about my personal life.

He got the hint to shut up and turned towards Tomas. Adira just gave me a quizzical look because of my moodiness but I just ignored her. "I shall take you to the house. This way please."

We all piled into one of the yellow cabs with Tomas riding shotgun while Adira and me sat in the back. We were cozied up due to the luggages but I couldn't't help but notice the distance between us.

"So, debrief me." Tomas said, straight getting down to business.

"Well... Killian and wife aren't here but the mob is in control of a certain person who goes by the alias 'Killer'."

How original. I scoffed mentally at the cliche name.

"This 'killer' person is the right hand of Killian and this mob believes in family and hierarchy. Initially they were all over here but, Killian took maximum amount of the mob members to the States. 'The killer' is just a temporary head."

"Do you have any mugshots of him? Tomas asked as he scanned the manilla file.

"The guy is literally like a ghost. He is damn good at what he does and he covers up his tracks so well that there is any clues. He just kills and vanishes. He has no weaknesses whatsoever."

Tomas looked at me and we had a moment of understanding. This 'killer' dude is too good and would be too hard to take down.

"Let's talk about safety of the witness." I said as I leaned my elbows on my knees.

"She will be perfectly fine because the mob hasn't been very active as of now. I have selected a safe house and working place where the activities are minimal and our agents are present." Matthew spoke as he pulled on to the N22 road.

"Good. And how about backup in case things go to shit?" I asked as I side eyed Adira. She just huffed and crossed her hands, glaring out of the window. She knows, if she would have been a little more careful, things wouldn't have gone the way they did in Nantucket.

But there's no point bringing that up, is there?

"They will be ready the moment you give us the signal. Agents will be in disguise." He said dutifully.

"Good." Tomas said before they dipped into the boring conversation about paperwork and the different tourist attractions in Kenmare.

I just turned towards the window and looked out at the scenic beauty of the place. Adira was in awe and she was clicking photos but I just couldn't help but detest the place.

All beautiful things have something to hide.

I had wanted to get out of this place so badly but seeing the familiar bridge across the river and the Sheen valley, made it unbearable to watch. I just shut my eyes and tried to push it all out.

If only I could do the same with my past.

If only it could stay where it's supposed to be.

If only I didn't have to go back to the place which took my parents away from me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were going through the town and I noticed how much it had changed. The buildings had been repaired and repainted in vibrant colours and many more shops had opened up. I could see No. 35, a famous cafe open still and I couldn't help but smile.

My mom and dad used to take me there for pancakes on Sunday mornings. I would hold their hands and we would walk around and then stop by the waterfalls, where we would play tag and bask in the sun.

It was beautiful. My family was beautiful. And seeing the different places I had spent time with them gave me joy as well as it tormented me. It was a flux of emotions which I couldn't comprehend.

I mean, men are not emotionally evolved.

"Cassian... Are you okay?" Adira asked lowly as she saw me clench my jaw and she proceeded put a hand on my clenched fist.

"Yeah I'm fine."

Fine. That's all I am ever going to be. I can't break down. I can't show weakness.

"If you say so..." She said as she shrugged and gave me a last look before looking out of the window.

The car turned and started going down a familiar route. My eyes widened.

"Wait a minute... Where is the safe house?"

"Henry Street."

FUCK.

"Why does that mean anything to you?" Matthew asked as he looked into the rearview mirror, his blue eyes meeting mine.

"Uh, yeah.. I used to live there with my family before I shifted to the States."

"Cassian will we be meeting your parents?" Adira asked excitedly and I couldn't help but wince. Tomas gave me a sympathetic look and I sighed.

"No. They... are dead."

"Oh I'm so sorry." Pain flickered in her eyes and I gave a small smile.

"Me too."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could see it from my room.

I could see it mocking me.

I could see it taunting me.

I could see it calling out to me.

The familiar red brick house which was once my home, stood there, looming at the corner of the street. The trees had grown and the weeds were all around the place. But the house was surprisingly well kept. When I left the place because the authorities had thrown me into an orphanage, I had locked up everything. The doors, the windows  and the gate. I keep that key with me.

Think of it as a symbolism. This key opens the room in my heart, where all the happy and good memories are. Whenever things would get hard, I would hold the key and reminisce. I don't expect anyone to understand me or anyone to get what I'm saying and honestly, I don't care.

I stood there looking at my old house, clenching the key in my hand. As if it was supposed to give me strength.

I know I need to go there and clear out my family's belonging.

But it's terrifying.

"Cassian! Let's go and check out where I will be working. I also heard that there's a farmer's market." Adira spoke as she knocked on the door.

I let go of the curtain and turned around to grin at her. Her hair was chestnut colour now and she was wearing specs. She had also worn green coloured lenses so that we could sell the disguise a little bit more.

A distraction is what I need.

"Sure. Also we need to discuss your disguise, Anastasia Roy."

"Yes Cassian, I know. Let's go now!"

Throwing one last look at the ghost of my past, I picked up my leather jacket and walked out.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was around 6pm and all the stores were slowly shutting down. Adira and me were walking down the streets with an ice cream and groceries in the other hand.

"God I always loved European ice creams." Adira moaned and I shook my head.

"Well you can't say that if you are a barista." I pointed out.

She momentarily got angry but then she just sighed. "Yeah.. I am sorry for ignoring your advice in Nantucket. I will follow the rules to the T. Also I can smoothly transition into a barista because I worked in a cafe when I was in college."

"I can't believe you worked in a cafe."

"I was bored so I just joined a cafe so that I could learn latte art and all. I got fired though when I threw cold coffee on Tiffany. God that BITCH." She waved her hand.

Such a drama queen.

"I hope you don't do that in yoir new job. Also, you will be working there, at George's cafe in the morning shift. I would prolly be in the opposite park during your shift so that I can keep an eye on you."

"I don't need babys-" Adira stopped herself before she shook her head, as if she was clearing her head. "Okay Cassian. I appreciate it."

What has come over her?

I wanted to ask her and know what was going on in her mind but we were interrupted.

A young boy came running up to us and greeted us. He handed a beautiful blue lily flower in our direction. I just chuckled and looked the other way, assuming that it was for Adira.

"Awww aren't you a sweetie. Thank y-" Adira was saying but the boy interrupted her.

"This flower is not for you. Its for him." My eyes shit towards him as he handed me the flower.

"Who gave it?" I asked my eyes narrowing, instantly not trusting this.

The boy pointed across the road. "Him."

My eyes followed the direction he was pointing in and my eyes met one of the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen.

Green ones met hazel eyes and I was in a trance.

He was standing across the street wearing a full sleeve shirt, with a jacket thrown on top and black jeans. He had twinkling hazel eyes, which gleamed in the rays of the dying sun. A smile was playing on his lips and he had pronounced dimples. He had a sharp jawline and tousled long brown hai, which could not decide which direction they wanted to stay in.

Let me tell you, I'm straight but I have never seen such a handsome and beautiful man in my life before.

He had a tall and lean frame with both his hands in his pockets. When our eyes met he lifted a hand and gave me a small wave. I couldn't help but grin and wave him back, the joy in his eyes was contagious. With that he turned and strolled down the street, disappearing into the crowd of people.

"Cassian... Who is he?" Adira asked, breaking my reverie as she eyes him.

I looked down at the lily he gave me and shrugged.

"I don't know..."

But I am intrigued...

honestly I was so demotivated that I almost didn't post this chapter

the tags are not working as you have seen me whine about it lmao but meh

I hope you guys liked this chapter!! 

like comment reblog and let me know what do you think?

and like please, don't let this flop otherwise I swear I will feel like the biggest clown hahahha

god I should sleep

[thatiranianphantom]

Things Jughead has done for Betty:

Literally risked dying to protect her

Faced off against known serial killers

Repeatedly punched anyone who besmirched (his fave word) her honor 

Broke up with her so she wouldn’t get hurt

Told her about his dad and worked with her to get FP out of jail

(I mean, there’s def more, better Bughead fans, pls add?)

Things Betty and Jughead have gone through together:

Polly disappearing

Jug transferring to Southside

G&G taking over the town and causing Archie multiple attempts at his life

The Black Hood

Penny Peabody

The Serpents

The Stonies trying to kill Jug

Things That Make This A Very Healthy Relationship:

Jughead is currently the only one who knows about Betty’s self-harming habits and there is no judgement for it

Mutual unconditional support ( “Jughead has every right to protest”, “whatever you need to do, I support you.”)

Excellent dedication to working out conflict (remember when they got into the fight about Yale, and Jug came home and they cuddled it out? He didn’t know about Betty’s breakdown until Betty’s mom told him, so he was coming home to work things out)

Admitting wrongs and talking about conflict (all previous conflicts have been talked about and worked out)

Honestly a lot of mutual respect. I was really impressed when DuPont asked Jug to tell Betty to kill the story she was writing, and he literally told him that he doesn’t tell Betty what she can and can’t do.

Very common interests. Betty and Jug have their roots as an investigative duo, something that has continued throughout the show. 

Things They Have Said To/About Each Other:

“Jughead was really there for me” “I know who you are”  “I want to know who you are. All of it.”  “I believe you, Jughead.”  “You’re so much stronger than all the white noise.”  “I love you, Betty Cooper.” “Jughead Jones, I love you.”  “I love Jughead. He is as much my family as you are.”  “Whatever you need to do or explore, I support you.”  “You’re not one of the bad guys. You’re Betty Cooper. Like Nancy Drew meets The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.”  “You are a sight for sore eyes.”  “I wish we could just leave.” “Like Romeo and Juliet but we live happily ever after.”  “A signed first edition for my beloved.”  “We. It’s nice to hear that again.”  “Stay.”  “I just want you to know that I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”  “Our story isn’t over. It’s just beginning” “You’re a good person.”  “Now that I am the serpent king, I was wondering how you felt about being my queen.”  “It was asked between two young people in love.” “If you’re on the frontlines, so am I.”  “From now on, we’re partners. In the serpents, in life, all of it.” “I’m surviving. Because you’re here with me.” “You and I are in this for the long haul.” “If I ever disappeared you would be the one to find me.” “I need my anchor.”  “Don’t threaten my boyfriend with an axe.” “I missed you.” “I’m happy for you and I’m proud of you.”  “I would never ask you to turn down a life-changing opportunity.” “He’s your biggest fan.” “I love you, and I hate it when we fight.” “The man I love.”  “You’re the only man for me.” 

Times Where Betty Expressed An Interest in Archie:

- 1x01 and 1x02

- 2x09

- the last three episodes 

Look. I get that it’s a teen drama. I get that they’re still in high school and I definitely get there being some part of Betty that wonders what it might be like to end up with Archie, especially during a VERY stressful time. 

I would totally get it if they had Betty and Jughead slowly drifting apart, or found ways to establish that they were heading in different directions, or even established that they weren’t the same people they were, and their relationship had simply puttered out. But that has been the opposite of what they’ve showed us the last few episodes. Moreoever, Betty and Archie haven’t even significantly interacted in two seasons. This was all thrown into the last three episodes. 

And even if that WERE the case, that Betty and Jug were drifting apart, I would still think they are both not okay for doing this to their respective best friends. Laying aside the fact that Jughead loves Betty completely, and canonically they are planning on going to college together, and her cheating on him, particularly with Archie, would absolutely shatter him, this is the highest of not fair to Veronica. Betty means a lot to her, they’ve established this, so this betrayal of both V and Jug is so very selfish. 

Since they have established they WILL finish the season, and if the article can be believed, I can see this going one of three ways:

1. Betty and Archie kiss in 4x17, Betty tells Jug in 4x18. This is my preferred route, but I don’t think it’s the way they’ll go. There’s a chance though, they already went the route of Barchie kissing and not telling anyone. That would get the drama of the love triangle out in the open ASAP, and they’d have a better chance of resolving it before season’s end. Riverdale doesn’t tend to end in romantic cliffhangers. 

2. Betty and Archie continue to cheat on their respective significant others, until it all blows up in the finale. This would completely assassinate both Betty and Jughead’s characters, and I don’t see this as being the way they go.

3. Jug and V find out in the last episode, the core four implodes, and we time jump six years. This is probably the most likely scenario. 

I gotta say, I’m pretty excited to see B and J find their way back to each other, but really really don’t want a time jump. 

Also, to the Barchie fans, I get it. I had several shows where my NOTP was canon for several years, and it was torturous watching. I rejoiced when they broke up. But think of it this way, Barchie would likely be forever tainted by the circumstances of how they got together, and probably never get off the ground. I get you want Barchie, but do you really want it like this? 

[achieveandhunt]

live typing extra life 2019

part 2

warning: this was a mistake and i’m in the grapes

this starts right at Facilities vs AH. link to first post

let’s fuck some shit up babEY

oh what the fuck they’re playing a prerecorded video

last year was a fuckin doozy, nobody forget that

“legends of the under achiever” i didn’t know someone wrote my biography

why do i hear geoff screaming “FIVE FUCKIN FOUR” in my head, like in the legends of the hidden temple minecraft videos

jeremy looks. so dead inside on this fine november evening

ryan buzzing while they’re trying to explain the rules

my video quality went down so much that i thought i was watching someone playing roblox for a second

ryan “salty mother fucker” haywood has made a lovely appearance. he’s my favorite

michael and lindsay looking so domestic makes me so happy,, they’re my parents

someone donated under the name “ryan goes feral” uh??? yeah? you say that like it’s a bad thing??

oH FUCK MICHAEL GO DRIVE WIN PLEASE

jeremy HAS BROKEN OUT THE GLASSES SHIT’S SERIOUS

NO THEY’RE LOSING GOD DAMMIT

ʳʸᵃⁿ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᶜᵏᵍʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ, ᵠᵘᶦᵉᵗˡʸ: ʰᵉˡᵖ

JEREMY IT’S TIME TO TEST OUT THAT NONEXISTENT GAG REFLEX AND SWALLOW THE OPPONENT’S CONTROLLER

oh nvm they’re winning again lmao

OH FUCK thEYRE LOSING

oh nvm

OH FUCK

oh nvm they unplugged his contoller lol

OH FUCKING TH EY LOST MICHAEL JONES MY HEART IS BROKEN

the amount of people watching has gone up from 32k to 40k in the past fifteen minutes

michael “hurry up you dumb cunts” jones

“oh don’t worry about destroying our cabinet, it’s essentially matchsticks”

“how are you feeling john? are you ready for this?” “MM M M Mmm mM”

TEAM NICE DYNAMITE IS NEXT AND IM READY FOR PERMANENTLY RINGING EARS FROM ALL THE LEET DONATIONS

oH god here we go

“hopefully they haven’t been saving them all day” oh honey. you’ve got a big storm coming

if xavier slaps gavin i think gav might go up in a puff of smoke

i did the math, they went up 45k+ within five minutes of team nice dynamite showing up on stream

GAVIN AND MICHAEL ARE GOING TO DIE

THERE’S GONNA BE A MOONBALL SIZED HOLE IN GAVIN’S CHEST

ryan and lindsay both donating a grand during this segment... so good

the day gavin free successfully gets a tattoo is the day i drop dead

lindsay saying she didn’t want the TND tattoo on michael but she agreed because gav is michael’s boi :((( 

i’m too sleep deprived for this i might cry

oh god michael’s punching the floor

i’m too sober for this

EIGHTY EIGHT LEET DONATIONS IN TWENTY MINUTES HOLY FUCJKIGN SHIT YOU GUYS ARE GONNA BE THROWING MOONBALLS FOR FUCKIN SIX YEARS

on a sentimental note- i love how much collective love we have for gav and michael,, they deserve it all

milk boarded has some not-so-great connotations attached to it

gavin “the bullshit bitch” free

a mark nutt reference?? in my 2019 extra life????

this just in: sarah is going to obliterate gavin

oh. oh my god. that was the sound of a wet fish smacking a wall

why is jeremy the liquor goblin walking like a crab that has a bird attached to its back??? see: flapping arms

that beer and milk concoction... gag

“drink that milk yard”

“YOU GOT MY TOES MILKY”

no. nO MICHAEL NO YOUR INTESTINES NOO

michael “the milk’s in my brain” jones

“stop pouring it on people!” “iT’S HARD DICKHEAD”

lindsay is now. taking a milk shower

*caiti brings a small roll of paper towels* *gavin gently places a single paper towel on the massive puddle of milk*

no LINDSAY NO THINK OF THE CHILDREN

gavin: this has gotten way out of hand. she’s... she’s swimming in an inch of milk! everyone knows you should swim in at least two!!

the fajita seasoning will solve everythinG everyone calm down

fiona: yeah this is my first extra life. jack: and what were you expecting? fiona: this. exactly this.

ah yes. the bunny suits have arrived and michael is ready to tackle gavin

aaaand here comes the AH fanfic. it can only get worse from here so buckle up fuckos

“holy fuckeroni”

“re-reanimated trevor”

michael is so fucking smashed and god i wish that was me

“cum-ductor”

fiona “this is a white man” nova

“bone-ating” *leet donation* *leet donation* 

“ready set blow” made me genuinely bust a lung laughing

aaaand michael’s licking the floor which is to be expected

jeremy “i’m gonna actually harm you” dooley

IF ONE MORE PERSON BRINGS UP RANCH IM GOING TO WALK TO AUSTIN AND PROJECTILE VOMIT ON THE OFF TOPIC SET

no JEREMY NO YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS GET OFF THE F  L O O R

don’t get close ups on jeremy’s tongue. don’t do that to me. i don’t want nightmares

“fuck root” “let’s just fucking fuck”

1 2 3 CONSENT

michael has gone full gerkie

alfredo’s look when larry is reading the part about trevor choking him is how i feel about everything that’s happened in the past twenty minutes

almost 300k in less than an hour 

fiona saying “i don’t want this” overlaying michael humping a trash can

“TAKE THE TACO CHAD”

aaaand michael’s in the trash can

nO why is there a triangle is this a POETRY READING ALL OF A SUDDEN

oh thank god it’s over

OH FUCK THERE’S A N EPILOGUE

aaand trevor’s dead again. poor treyco

DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS DUSK BOYS EVERYONE PUT A CUP IN YOUR PANTS

people singing along... what goes on

why am i downloading this fuckin song asap

jeremy turning his phone flashlight on and waving it like he’s at a concert god dammit i love these people so much

those are my BOYS

oh my gosh they’re still singing the song. why is my heart so happy from this i need to get slapped

“come on you’ve never been waterboarded before gavin?”

everyone standing in a circle shining their flashlights at gavin

someone surprise them and instead of a moonball just yeet a whole gallon of milk at them

actually, on second thought, no

OH god GavIN Is GOING to Die 

gavin “i forgot to breathe” free

several milk explosions

gavin “my brain is cold” free

michael has milk dripping from his ears

i’m about to pass out i don’t know what’s happening

michael is in the grapes right now man

how many moonballs? oh, only 107. :)

i’m not writing this part- you guys have to watch the moonball segment yourself, if you didn’t watch it live!

team nice dynamite finishes up with over 300k!! holy shit, that’s so cool! this community is awesome

werewolf is up next!

xavier is such a gentleman can we keep him

alfredo: *chooses to kill miles* trevor in the audience: *silently freaking out*

xavier is about ruin another man on stream

miles has no self preservation instinct

barbara is now smelling fiona

this just in: i love alfredo and 100% would have done the same thing

trevor running up to film alfredo getting smacked. what an icon

alfredo SCREAMING oh my god i felt it in my soul

the high-five of the backs in solidarity of intense pain

miles choosing alfredo is so fucking good

and also, i feel so bad 

his heart might shoot out of his asshole this time guys

oh NOOO HE’s so bruised :(((( fredo nooo :((

oh my god it’s gotten to the usual point in the stream where you start to question whether someone is going to die this time

rip blaine but at least i think he can take the hit

he can but ouch it still hurts me 

barbara “i’m participating in the game” dunkleman

yo miles might win this game

the crowd when someone needs to shoot barb: TREVOR TREVOR TREVOR! trevor, with the strength of a thousand suns: N O

people are now chanting about shooting an unprotected trevor. the man already died once this stream god dammit

alfredo is about to throw hands for fiona

that’s a big F in the chat for miles, but his loss is well deserved

xavier’s hands could serve as a defibrillator

alfredo showed jeremy his chest and jeremy shied away as if he was looking at the sun

 --- i’m taking another break to finish an assignment---

i’m barely alive and it’s ready set show time 

oh god please no more shock collars

i’m so fucking tiiiiredd please take thge res t of this post  wigth  a grain of salt lbecasue i can hardly type at this ponitn 

“do you want to control the shock collars” “will there be repercussions” “no” “fuck yeah i’ll do it then”

“smother the children. steal the baby” “DONT STEAL THE BABY TREVOR”

lunging forward “s c a r e  t h e  b a b y” “OKAY I’M PASSING THIS ONE”

“you can’t bake popcorn????” jeremy hits the floor

alec and matt clearly = dream team

oh thasnk god the shock collars are on their arms now i was stressed out for chris earlier

this stream does not promote recreational nyquil usage 

i don’t even know how to explain the pure insanity of what ready set show has become

alec has become this whole segment

i would write more but i have no thoughts because my brain doesn’t work

larry “makes people fuck other people besides their wife” insert last name that my brain can’t come up with

anyways. marbles

oh. no marbles

i’ve blacked out idk what happened during backwardz compatible

i mean i was awake but does that really mean anything at this point

SPPOKU PSOOKY SPPOKKKY SPOOOKY !!! FUCL YEAH 

cole is so good during this segment

oh so many 1337s right away 

the real scariest thing during the segment: being genuine

oH my god the scream being pitched up. i have fucking dogs outside of my house now

i don’t fuck w/ ghosts no thank you

“aba-jail” wow if u guys weren’t gonna get haunted before you will now

okay i’m about to pass out i have to take a nap

oH fucking I SLEPT until thirty minutes before the en d  fuck

conclusion: this community is incredible and raised an unimaginable amount of money for charity. the fact that rooster teeth does this every year is awesome, and honestly, it makes me feel hopeful in times when things aren’t so great. so yeah! for the kids & stuff 

[purralyth]

How have things been going with Chariot and crew? Maybe I missed some things, but it feels like it's been awhile since I last heard of their shenanigans! Has the gf been helping out? Any crisises? (In the world around them or emotional?) What is the DEALIO I am ready to hear it!

haHAHAHA i’ll be honest i don’t talk much about their emotional/world crises because they are happening All the time. our dm wants to see us suffer. but let’s have a small summary shall we, i’m actually going to put this one under a read more bc we’ve done That Much

so first things first, the gang got shunted into the feywild, i talked about that much. that’s where we picked up our lovely little tiefling monk Fuarthas (Silence, back then) from his awful hag grandmother rosie, found chariot’s masked mom, and then got taunted by a fey demigod in his Hell Maze and he proposed to fuarthas and now they’re engaged because he’s a warlock now it’s fun shit. anyway. we get back to toril with the crew (and chariot’s masked mom’s ship, lovingly dubbed Eri’s Chariot after her daughter and her dead boytoy, that we thought we might have to leave behind) and we find out that in the MAYBE month-long period we’ve been in the feywilds, 2.5 years have gone by on toril. meteors have fallen from the sky, which is now a permanent blood red, people are chanting at these meteors embedded in the city like possessed cultists who attack anyone that threatens to take them out, and the worms coming out of the meteors are like kind of sort of turning people undead?? it’s messed up. Cool Stuff. but chariot’s aunt mom Serenity and uncle dad Patience opened up an orphanage so that’s cool

So we got some magic tattoos in some downtime (Chariot got 2, one on the back of her neck that lets her understand Undercommon, and another on her chest that gives her a free use of Mage Armour per day) and met up with some new NPCs, one of  which is traveling with us now as our cleric-fighter and is dating(??) our big tiddy big heart half-orc barbarian Lockjaw, and left our aasimar monk’s kickass wife behind to run her tavern bc she’s expecting. we go to look at some funky stuff going down in the town cemetary. first thing we do is go see erran, our moon elf friend we took into the feywild and hates us now for it, and he takes us into this portal and shows us this weird temple thing his supervisor or something had just discovered. there’s these murals on the walls of meteors striking the earth, and a flood, and some figures sailing on a ship through the sky, and then 7(?) figures, that like kind of seem like Us but not quite on par, so fun stuff, and these two HUGE statues in the main chamber. somebody presses a button and this fantasy Alexa bitch floats down from the ceiling and is like oh shit presences detected. and starts listing these titles, like Sufferer, and Guardian, and Exceptional, and then locks onto jia and is like ABERRATION DETECTED FUCK THOSE SHITS and tries to kill her so she has to run. basically without making this too long we find out that we (chariot, frazier, lockjaw, fuarthas, and frazier’s daughter) are descendants of some ancient heroes that saved the world once, and we grave rob just a little and get some cool magic items, and there’s this prophecy that we’ll stop the apocalypse or something?????? shit’s wack. we go back out to see jia and chariot’s trying real hard to cover for her but she’s like well i cant rly hide it anymore. hey guys i have an illithid tadpole In my brain and it didn’t develop so now i’m also part of a separate prophecy that i’ll wipe out all the illithid. but look at this i can float but chariot and i did some research and the only way to not have it be a problem anymore is to destroy my skull and then resurrect me. so that’s a lot of fun!!!!!

still in that cemetary, we find a trail of meteor worms. follow them into a secret passage that leads to the lair of Sunshine, masked mom’s dead assistant that chariot one-shot, but it turns out she’s a necromancer! she kicks our asses to unconsciousness even after chariot polymorphed into a t-rex and sells us to Neogi in the underdark, which if you don’t know what they are, google them, they’re fucked up spider giraffe eels that are evil incarnate and basically were slave trading us & psychically torturing Jia the whole way!! which made chariot throw cantrip after cantrip at them to try to hurt them so they just mind-control enslaved her over and over so that’s fucked her up good :)

we get sold to some drow after a week. beefy boys were sent to work manual labour til they die, and the rest of us were set to be sacrificed to Lolth, so we go haha we have to get out of here asap. chariot disguise selfs into a drow guard (a man bc i was very stupid) and gets caught 2 seconds out the door by a cleric of lolth, who sets up some mix between a dick appointment and an ass kicking for later bc chariot didn’t like. idk acknowledge her. fuck drow. she and fuarthas (who she was pretending to transport) skedaddle into a side chamber and a drow guard captain comes in. she goes to beat up fuarthas so chariot attacks her and a wild magic pops off and they fall mutually head over heels in love and lust with each other, which is MESSY. chariot convinces her to help round the gang up, but everywhere they look everyone’s gone missing (frazier and lockjaw got into a fight down at the manual labour camp and jia turned into a fish and shrieked so she’s gone) so chariot ends up wined and dined and tries desperately not to let this drow captain Do Her and does not take a long rest bc she has to stay awake and make sure this woman doesn’t wake up and see she’s not actually Erran the Drow Guard. but when everyone wakes up a shadow dragon is attacking this drow camp. cool. yes. awesome. fantastic. hell breaks loose, chariot and zarra (the drow captain) find frazier and jia in a stairwell, zarra kisses chariot goodbye and runs off to do stuff after a hefty persuasion check, jia gets Understandably Angry, we run like hell to find our magic items they bought with us and get the hell out of dodge With Lockjaw’s new orc army he’s recruited and the drow dude we found that’s a part of Frazier’s old order. shadow dragon finds us, holy shit she’s frazier’s adopted mom, she offers us a ride back while chariot very desperately tries to tell jia she doesn’t know what’s going on and why zarra kissed her and why she feels like this (she didn’t know it was a charm !!) and generally feeling Very Shitty. we get to frazier’s old monastery and the charm wears off, chariot and jia have a very long talk and chariot breaks a couple times, chariot steals a bottle of wine to try and feel better, she gets in shit for it and frazier takes the fall, he gets whipped as a punishment which just breaks chariot even more, she puts herself on house arrest for a full week, jia finally starts talking to her again 3 days into that, they do some drugs, chariot makes a deal with shadow dragon mama to split the cost of a teleportation circle and the gang blows up at her but she’s like nah it’s cool. at this point she is using her +9 deception to pretend she didn’t just break for a whole week and nothing happened and she’s totally good now guys dont even worry about it.

side tangent from All That, we go to deal with a giant problem for the monastery and there’s corpses strung up with the symbols on chariot’s palm all over. lots of combat yadda yadda, trap one giant in a room and ask her questions through the door, get some cool insight on chariot’s magics that she still has no idea how it works. turns out there’s a third queen of the feywilds, the queen of night and magic if i remember correctly, and she was shunned for her beauty and her and all of her subjects were made to be ugly and misshapen or some messed up stuff. chariots like oh fuck we were just there and no one said shit about a queen that apparently everyone hates that she has the symbols for on her Hands and honestly on her cape as well half the time. but ok cool that’s some new info sweet.

jia’s still guilting chariot for kissing zarra (even though it was a CHEEK KISS and she didn’t do it) because chariot’s been feeling awful that jia got into a romantic relationship (WITH FRAZIER’S DAUGHTER WHO JOINED JIA’S CULT, FUNNY ENOUGH) on her like 10 month leave bc she assumed she’d never get to see chariot again, but that’s a whole can of worms. lots of emotional fuckage though, chariot feels even worse that that happened bc jia hadn’t even been charmed, etc etc etc. but she’s never gonna say any of it bc she’s terrified jia will leave a second time and bringing any of that up might be what triggers it So!

we get told the neogi are selling slaves to jia’s old god, Ool’zakgothool the Aboleth who has been the Big Bad since like session 3-5, so we need to go stop that shit so we can go take down this aboleth and get frazier’s daughter back. but first we have literally no money bc we got sold and had all our shit stolen so we have to sell the like 700lbs of elven armour and weaponry we stole from a navy outpost place thing in the feywild. so we get to solve a little murder mystery in a gnome town so that’s fun. go back to the monastery, pick up some stuff, get some cool magic items made by our new artificer friend Jokk who’s part of the same prophecy we are, and head out again to fuck up these neogi. but on the way jia suddenly sprints ahead and gets like hug tackled by 5 kids who she apparently raised in her cult, and we get lead back to the marketplace where we plan on staking out the neogi and following back to their camp, but uh oh there’s 100 cultists here who swarm us and there’s some midsommar shit and we just fight the neogi right then and there and that’s basically where we’re picking up now. they enslaved lockjaw who oneshot chariot bc she’s a weak little bitch so jia kicked him in the ribs it was fun. and now we’re holding the elf that threatened to cut chariot’s tail off from our Neogi Cage Days hostage to tell us where the shiny gold head hauncho went bc he dimension doored out while chariot was paralyzed and couldn’t counterspell and we want him Dead. to be continued

[nataliesewell]

monster prom pop quiz results

I was bored, so I decided to try and record all the questions and answers in Monster Prom’s Stupidest Pop Quiz Ever(tm). It’s really likely I haven’t found them all, so I’ll come back and add to this from time to time.

The pop quiz consists of three questions; the first two go towards determining your highest stats at the beginning of the game, while the third chooses your possible prom date (this isn’t set in stone; you can still try to pursue a different character in the actual game). The order of the questions is randomized.

Other links: Vera Walkthrough

You can find the questions and their results under the cut!

stat questions

What is your spirit emoji?

a. Caucasian guy with a turban because fuck stereotypes. +CREATIVITY

b. Octopus emoji. Best animal on Earth. I know 5 mixed drinks, 3 drug cocktails, and 17 sex positions that involve one or several octupi. +FUN

c. Snowman, because that motherfucker is in the middle of a blizzard and he’s fuckin’ smiling. He doesn’t give a fuck about blizzards. And he has a kickass hat. +BOLD

It’s your chance to fix global warming. Go ahead!

a. Global warming isn’t real. I invented it, and now science is claiming authorship because science is a lame copycat with no original ideas. +CREATIVITY

b. Nah, the world is doomed. But I’ll start investing in ships and start a profitable business for the “soon to be covered by water” world. +WEALTH

c. It’s time to be a real hero: I’ll lead a mission to the sun in order to... invite the sun to the party of its life! We’ll have so many hilarious misadventures that the sun will eventually become... cooler. ;) +FUN

Be a visionary: what will the next big social media craze be?

a. Bull$hit: it’s Facebook, but each time someone shares news that isn’t supported by real facts, they’re taxed, and the money goes to the people exposed to that bullshit. +WEALTH

b. Greek Agoras: like literal Greek agoras re-instated in our cities. Places where philosophy and arts are discussed by the greater minds. That’s the social media I want to log into! +SMARTS

c. Rbert: from now on, a socially awkward guy named Robert will do everything he’s commanded to do through the app by its users! +CHARM

You wish you were raised by...

a. A mysterious old man who saved me from the streets in order to raise me as his disciple in the ancient ways of rad DJing! +FUN

b. A pack of wild wolves... who also happens to be tech moguls who own some of the most profitable companies of Silicon Valley. They would be kick-ass role models AND wild wolves! Sick! +WEALTH

c. A really progressive marriage between a kick-ass venomous snake and... actual fire. I love fire and I see no issue with being raised by it. +BOLD

You build a 100ft statue commemorating an event so that in 1000 years archaeologists can learn something about the people of our time. What does the statue represent?

a. That glorious instant when your friend stopped you from texting embarrassing stuff to your ex while hella drunk. +FUN

b. That mind-blowing twist in your favourite TV show that clearly changed the life of everyone forever, unlike all that boring stuff they show on the news. +CREATIVITY

c. Your least favourite political figure... being devoured by rabid rhinoceri... which are also covered in badass tattoos. +BOLD

Which is the coolest mythological creature?

a. The invisible hand of the free market. +WEALTH

b. A sphinx... who’s super turnt up and ready to party! And she raps all her riddles (she still kills you if you don’t answer them correctly... but she raps the riddles)! +FUN

c. This weird creature I drew when I was six and which is clearly super derivative from other mythological creatures... but it’s super cool and it’s my OC and my spirit animal, okay? +CREATIVITY

You’re elected president for a day. What’s the first law you pass?

a. You can deduct taxes by writing sonnets instead. Amount of taxes deducted are calculated based on the beauty of the sonnets. +CREATIVITY

b. Trivia fact: presidents don’t pass laws... so is this a trick question or are you just being an idiot? +SMARTS

c. One dollar bills will now include a picture of me and the inscription “Beware: Too Much Awesomeness.” My presidency might last a day, but my fame will last forever! +CHARM

A radioactive possum just bit you... what superpowers did you get?

a. The superpower of always choosing the right combination of emojis to get the desired reaction from all people: seducing my loved ones, burning my enemies, settling an argument, and even conveying complex emotional thoughts. +CHARM

b. Uh, probably rabies? I’d go to a hospital immediately. +SMARTS

c. The incredible power of writing fanfiction so compelling that the actual creators of the TV shows decide to go with my ideas and crazy ships. +CREATIVITY

School is outdated and lame. We need a new school subject asap!

a. Critical thought. I mean... damn, this country could really use a subject like that in schools. +SMARTS

b. Turning people into your puppets through emotional warfare and deception 101. +CHARM

c. How to correctly punch a crocodile without terrible consequences. +BOLD

If you had to have sex with animal... which animal would it be?

(You don’t get six answers; the three answers you get are randomized.)

a. A great white shark. I have to fuck an animal, let’s at least make it a story worth telling! +CHARM

b. A swan. They’re classy. Plus it reminds me of that myth of Leda and the Swan, so at least by bestiality standards it has a certain chic appeal. +CREATIVITY

c. A human being, because I’m the kind of douchebag who loves to find loopholes in stupid questions like this one. +SMARTS

d. A purebred horse. At least I can keep his semen and sell it. It’s worth a lot! Who said there was no silver lining to bestiality? +WEALTH

e. A dolphin. They’re the only other animal that fucks just for pleasure, so at least we can both do our best to have a good time, right? +FUN

f. No on can make me fuck an animal. If I fucked an animal, it’d be of my own free will. As a matter of fact, I already have fucked an animal, so the joke’s on you, pal. +BOLD

The coolest reality show would be...

a. Twelve experts on the various arts of seduction live in a house where they must face a common challenge: seducing a potato into marriage... somehow. +CHARM

b. Eight rich people fight in weekly challenges to see who’s the best at giving money to you. +WEALTH

c. People in various positions of power must face all sorts of questions relevant to their field, and if they fail, they lose their jobs... and society wins. +SMARTS

You get the chance to produce a movie. It’s based on...

a. The most influential Russian novelists of the XIX century... have gone nuts! They don’t remember anything about last night and now they can’t find the manuscript of The Brothers Karamazov; and Dostoyevsky has to deliver it TODAY! +FUN

b. Two cool guys walking away from rad explosions. And they don’t look at the explosions. THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE EXPLOSIONS! They reflect on life and love... AND IT IS SUPER DOPE AND KICK-ASS BECAUSE THEY DO SO WALKING AWAY FROM NEVER-ENDING EXPLOSIONS! +BOLD

c. Something about superheroes, but with a love triangle between a beauty yet somehow relatable girl (maybe she’s always stating she’s a mess?) and two of the super hot superheroes, which are also like vampires or pirates or both. Instant hit! +WEALTH

Democracy is just broken. What would be the best way of choosing the leaders of modern society?

a. Whoever can play the most heartbreaking violin solo wins. +CREATIVITY

b. You put all the candidates in an empty room... with a wild grizzly bear. Whoever kills the bear should be our president. If everyone dies, then it’s obvious: the bear should be our president. +BOLD

c. We create a reality show called “America’s Next Top President” where the candidates compete in all kinds of physical and mental challenges. Voter turnout would increase and we would turn a profit on it! +FUN

If you could put a curse on your worst enemy, what would it do?

a. I’d curse them to fall in love with a wonderful person and be happily married before they realize that all this time... their partner was a wild panther in disguise! Then the panther viciously devours my enemy. Classic! +BOLD

b. The curse of always meeting obnoxious people at parties who are super into new fad diets that feel the need to explain them in detail. +CHARM

c. You can’t rely on the effectiveness of a curse. I prefer to take care of my enemies the old-fashioned way: by exposing them to unsafe doses of radiation over the course of several years. +SMARTS

What would be the coolest prize you could find in your box of cereal?

a. A tiny piece of sharp metal, so every scoop will be full of thrill and danger! +BOLD

b. The phone number of the sexy tiger on the front of the box. He’s so passionate about breakfast and health that he’s surely also a grrreat lover. +CHARM

c. A sample of a more nutritious breakfast option, so people are encouraged to stop eating that colorful crap. +SMARTS

What inanimate object do you think would make the best girlfriend or boyfriend, provided you went criminally insane?

a. A human-size pillow depicting a character created by myself. As a matter of fact, I have all the needed paperwork and I’m only waiting for the conservative narrow-minded laws of our country to finally step forward into waifu and husbando territory, as was clearly intended by God. +CREATIVITY

b. A dildo, duh. +FUN

c. An ATM. Sugar baby life, here I come! +WEALTH

Which god do you pray to each night before sleeping?

a. Praying is kind of lame. I have a group text set up with some deities: Dionysus, Bastet, Loki... coolest cats in town. +CHARM

b. Praying is for fools. I took some compromising pics of a god molesting a tree, and now I blackmail him for whatever I want. A lot more effective. +SMARTS

c. Oh, I pray to all kinds of gods. I have this business where people pay me to deliver their prayers every night. I’ve even started to look for a Chinese factory to outsource the prayers. +WEALTH

prom date questions

What is the sexiest type of knowledge a lover can have?

a. How to set stuff on fire. ❤️DAMIEN

b. All the principles to build a financial empire. ❤️VERA

c. Lyrics to all Disney songs. ❤️MIRANDA

d. Obscure 80s movie trivia. ❤️LIAM

e. Sports things. ❤️SCOTT

f. How to make a killer cocktail out of anything. ❤️POLLY

Your partner just gave you a cool gift for your anniversary but you totally forgot! Quick, come up with an idea for a great gift!

a. The head of their fiercest enemy. ❤️VERA

b. A silly toy that makes silly noises. ❤️SCOTT

c. The abstract concept of gratefulness. ❤️LIAM

d. A pony. Always a pony. ❤️MIRANDA

e. Anything on fire. Or a weapon. No, no: a weapon on fire. ❤️DAMIEN

f. Anything capable of leading them to an overdose of some sorts. ❤️POLLY

What would be a deal-breaker for a potential lover?

a. The person lacks taste. ❤️LIAM

b. The person is mediocre. ❤️VERA

c. The person is a coward. ❤️DAMIEN

d. The person is boring. ❤️POLLY

e. The person hates the outdoors. ❤️SCOTT 

f. The person lacks manners. ❤️MIRANDA

What would be a killer accessory?

a. Sunglasses... at night. ❤️POLLY

b. A fabulous purse made from the skin of your worst enemy. ❤️VERA

c. Coolness itself. ❤️LIAM

d. Fancy brass knuckles. ❤️DAMIEN

e. A necklace with your own name... in case you forget! ❤️SCOTT

f. Shiny armor. ❤️MIRANDA

The world will end tomorrow... What will you do today?

a. Nobody ends the world but me! I’ll end the world today. ❤️DAMIEN

b. It’s okay! We invented the apocalypse to take care of the overpopulation of commoners. ❤️MIRANDA

c. I’ll finish my novel... whoever comes after the end should know my legacy! ❤️LIAM

d. 100 push-ups... no, no 200 push-ups! ❤️SCOTT

e. They always tell you the world is ending... I’ll profit on other people’s hysteria. ❤️VERA

f. I always party as if there were no tomorrow... so who cares? ❤️POLLY

Which criteria would you use to name your children?

a. Meh... no name? It’s just too much work! ❤️POLLY

b. I will research for a name that is pun-proof and joke-proof. No one will pick on them. ❤️VERA

c. A non-heteronormative name to give them freedom to define themselves on their own terms. ❤️LIAM

d. Just a swear word. ❤️DAMIEN

e. My name + “II” (the Second). ❤️MIRANDA

f. Something simple and friendly, like Bobby or Mary. ❤️SCOTT

If you were an ice cream... which flavour would you be?

a. Double creme de la Gruyere and meringues. ❤️LIAM

b. Spicy chocolate. No... chocolate on FIRE! ❤️DAMIEN

c. Success. ❤️VERA

d. Tequila and coke. ;) ❤️POLLY

e. Rainbows and gummy bears. ❤️MIRANDA

f. Meat! ❤️SCOTT

What would be your dream first date?

a. An art exhibition experimental enough to give you a seizure. ❤️LIAM

b. A sweaty and manly wrestling match. ❤️SCOTT

c. A professional meeting where you charm your date with some astonishing business advice! ❤️VERA

d. A wild party in international waters. ❤️POLLY

e. A lovely walk in the forest... after rescuing your date from a dragon! ❤️MIRANDA

f. Crimes. ❤️DAMIEN

You find a genie in a bottle. You can ask for whatever you want. What do you ask for?

a. A rainbow that you can eat! ❤️MIRANDA

b. I don’t ask for anything. I drink the genie from the bottle. I can grant my own wishes! ❤️DAMIEN

c. Before asking for anything, you try to negotiate up to the three standard wishes. ❤️VERA

d. Infinite confetti! ❤️POLLY

e. ...His friendship! ❤️SCOTT

f. Him to not be so cliched. Genies and wishes... so mainstream! ❤️LIAM

What would be the most appealing in a love partner?

a. A big... horn. ❤️DAMIEN

b. Sharp wits. ❤️LIAM

c. Kawaii eyes. ❤️MIRANDA

d. A very tsundere personality. ❤️VERA

e. Soft fur. ❤️SCOTT

f. A taste for party. ❤️POLLY

[dapromptexchange]

So I think I saw something about the prompt exchange a while back, and promptly forgot about it. I'll be digging into the prompts today to see what catches my fancy, but in the meantime, are there any particular prompts mod would especially like filled?

Oh gosh ❤️ I have so many prompts that I LOVE! So I’ll put them below and hope that maybe someone will want to fill one! It doesn’t change your odds of winning none, but you’ll certainly be thanked by me!

Cullen is a pilot and Dorian is a sailor and they meet while on leave in London. They know their whirlwind romance can only last two weeks - so thy vow to themselves to make it the best two weeks of their lives before they return to the humdrum of military life.

On a cold winter day Anders finds an elven man with white tattoos scrounging through his bin for food. Anders gives him the croissant he just bought and thinks not much more on it. Until the next day he sees the same man huddled in an alcove trying to keep warm. It’s freezing cold and snowing so Anders gives him his scarf, gloves, and earmuffs - he’s almost home anyway. The next day he invites Fenris inside to warm up and get some food. Anders doesn’t have much but he will share with someone obviously down on their luck. Fenris is hesitant but Anders has been nice to him and doesn’t seem to have any ulterior motives. And he ends up telling Anders how he left his abusive boyfriend, Danarius, and he had to leave everything. He has no family or friends. So Anders invites him to stay a while. His couch is infinitely better than the cold streets.

Anders invites his friends to Pounce’s birthday party. Everyone thought he was joking so Hawke is the only one to show up. Anders wasn’t joking. He has party hats and everything. It’s up to Hawke to both get their friends there ASAP and make sure Anders (and Pounce) has a good time.

The words upon your skin describe your soulmate in the most beautiful way possible. But they aren’t always obvious, especially upon just meeting someone, and they are certainly up for interpretation. Dorian has run his fingers over his mark so many times he knows the words by heart - “The indomitable beast, commander of the castle, gentled by his heart, weakened by his soul.”

The Inquisitor has exactly $4.25 left in her bank account and goes to the store to get what little she can just so she can eat that night. She adds up what she wants but reads a label wrong and when she gets to the register it’s over by another $2. Feeling like she’s about to break down at the counter she doesn’t notice someone behind her slide two dollars to the cashier. Josephine smiles at her and asks her to dinner, since it seems like she could use someone to talk to and a real meal.

Cullrian Wild West fic. Cullen is the appointed Sherriff of Haven when Dorian blows into town like a hurricane. They hit it off and behind closed doors are a little friendlier than society would agree with. But Dorian was on the run for a reason and he brings his problems with him and upon Cullen. Maybe gambling debts? A scorned ex lover? Or his meddling father not too keen on Dorian coming South to seduce law men.

Hawke falls hard for Fenris and rejects Anders’ advances. However Fenris isn’t interested in Hawke, but instead he pines over Anders. Rejected by Hawke Anders realises Fenris’ attraction to him and when his advances aren’t spurned they enter a relationship. Jealous Hawke begins to flirt with Anders and tries to sway him into a relationship so that he will end things with Fenris. Anders can’t help that he still holds a flame for Hawke and is caught between something that might be good between him and Fenris or something he has always wanted with Hawke.

Fenris adopts a scraggy old cat that continues to hover around his mansion looking for scraps and mice to catch. He bonds with the animal - they’ve both been through a lot. When Anders catches Fenris feeding the cat he sees a softer side to the prickly elf he never knew existed.

Hawke rushes into the clinic carrying Fenris, who has been mortally wounded. Fenris manages to beg Anders not to use magic before he passes out. Anders has no choice if he wants Fenris to live. But does he go against Fenris’ wishes even if it will save his life?

Dorian has been a model at the art school for some time now and no, it’s never like in the books. In fact, it’s boring and he got a cramp once, and another time he fell asleep. It’s never like the books until it is, because before the class this truly gorgeous man is flirting with him and now Dorian can’t keep his mind off of him. He’s right there, sketching Dorian in all his glory, those pretty eyes only on hm. Quick, think of something else or you’ll embarrass yourself! Except he can’t.

[ohmypreciousgirl]

Drarry Rec List

cause my beautiful @mycatismyreligion asked for one and whatever my lady wants, she gets. Especially one as pretty as she is ♥ And also cause she’s one of my best friends.

Bold are the ones you should read ASAP

The Fandom Classics(tm)

Calling Classic(tm) the ones that appeared on gossymer compilation fic list. One day, I’m gonna read every single one of them. I’ve been saying this since 2007 tho.

The Marriage Arc by RurouniHime 19,475 words

What's to be done when Harry wants more from his relationship?

A Slytherin in Gryffindor Clothing by mahaliem 38,228 words

Draco hits his head and wakes up in a world where he's a Gyffindor and Harry is a Slytherin.

Left My Heart by emmagrant01 85,031 words

Auror Draco Malfoy has disappeared, and Harry Potter has been sent to San Francisco to find him.

The Depths of Winter by Cosmic 104,000 words

Four years after getting out of Hogwarts, Harry lives alone in the Muggle world. He has turned his back on the magical world - until one day, when Draco Malfoy gets into a car crash before Harry's eyes and ends up paralysed in a wheelchair.

Bond by AnnaFugazzi 173,499 words

Yet another one of those Harry And Draco Are Forced To Be Together By Something Beyond Their Control And Then Stuff Happens Leading To Twoo Wuv stories. Because every HD writer has to write at least one.

The Veela Enigma by jennavere 187,794 words

What if some of Draco's ancestors, pretending to be purebloods, concealed the truth about their veela heritage? You'd end up with one very confused Draco Malfoy, who's fallen head over heels in love with Harry Potter and has no idea why. 

Hogwarts Era

Denude by Faith Wood (faithwood) 4,172 words

It's set a few days after the Sectumsempra scene and takes the story in another direction, asking the question: "What if the Sectumsempra scene had a greater impact on Harry and Draco?" Harry and Draco are sixteen. In medias res beginning.

hello goodbye ('twas nice to know you) by tamerofdarkstars 4,807 words

Draco Malfoy thinks he might know whose thoughts are scrawling themselves on his skin, but that's crazy. Impossible, even. It has to be a mistake.

Storm in a Teacup by Faith Wood (faithwood) 7,954 words

For reasons he'd rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter's hair. This cannot end well.

Eight Days in November by emmagrant01 8,292 words

Harry hides Draco form Death Eaters during the war. A lot can happen in eight days.

Marginal Notes by blamebrampton 9,398 words

When you’re 18, and nothing is as it was meant to be, sometimes it can be hard to let the right people know what you are thinking.

In the Interest of Interhouse Cooperation byfirethesound 11,817 words

Organizing a Dueling Club was supposed to be a fun extracurricular activity for Harry’s 8th year. But add in Draco Malfoy and a malfunctioning Room of Requirement, and things can’t help but get complicated.

An Act of Simple Devotion by blamebrampton 13,373 words

It's a age-old story. You fancy a boy and you think he fancies you. Sure there are problems – attacks on former Death Eaters, crazed tabloid journalists, evangelical references, and your girlfriend – but you have a cunning plan…

such a softer sin by thoughtswhilstdrinkingtea 15,784 words

After Draco meets Harry Potter, he's left with two tattoos, one on each wrist. One for a soul mate, one for his enemy.

He's never known any one else who has the same name on both wrists.

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster 16,024 words

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

Something I Don't Want to Stop by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill), traintracks 16,228 words

It's Harry and Draco's eighth year, the Houses have been all but demolished in favor of unity, and they're being forced to room together. How ever will they cope?

Valentine's Day Repeated by Cosmic 16,700 words

It’s not a happy Valentine’s Day for Draco. Then again, he might get a chance to do it over…

Twice as Much as an Earthquake by firethesound 18,609 words

Accidental bonding. Breaking and entering. Conspiring, however unwillingly, in the strange one-man war Malfoy's waging against detention. This isn't the normal school year Harry anticipated having, but at least it's not boring.

An Issue of Consequence by Faith Wood (faithwood) 20,798 words

Draco has woken up in an alternate universe. Or he has woken up utterly insane. Nothing else can possibly explain why Harry Potter suddenly seems to think he's Draco's boyfriend.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain by Faith Wood (faithwood) 21,139 words

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

Love Comes Tumbling by taradiane 22,221 words

'Harry's thoughts were of how much he would have done differently with Malfoy over the years, and of Dumbledore's final words to the other boy . . . "It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now." Maybe, Harry wondered, he could find some mercy, too, and give Malfoy the second chance that Dumbledore had believed him worthy of.'

'Twixt the Sun and Sward by November Snowflake 30,370 words

A potions mishap has Harry and Draco meeting on entirely new—or is it old?—ground.

Unexpected Consequences by lauren3210 39,192 words

Harry was going back to school. He was going to play Quidditch, sleep in lessons, hang out with his friends, and generally just enjoy being a kid for a change. And he was also going to do it while being bonded with Malfoy, because apparently life was just going to continue throwing curveballs at him. Harry didn't know why he expected anything different.

Boom Clap (The Sound of My Heart) by Femme (femmequixotic), noeon (noe) 39,547 words

Post-war Hogwarts has been energized by its new teaching fellows program. Where once bitter enmity divided the wizarding community, Malfoy and Potter chummily patrol hallways together whilst Granger and Zabini seek lost parts of the castle at McGonagall’s behest and Chang supervises Quidditch when not lecturing in Charms. It’s a veritable wizarding utopia and life is predictable for the first time in years. Which is, of course, when everything blows apart as the result of a drunken dare and Malfoy’s life is ruined beyond his capacity to repair it. Ever. In a million years.

Earthbound Spook by cest_what 57,550 words

Two months after Draco Malfoy was reported dead, Harry and Ron found him tangled in Strangler Ivy on the grounds of Hogwarts.

Right Hand Red by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill) 73,173 words

Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.

Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.

Malfoy felt inevitable.

Starts With a Spin by Maxine 119,851 words

It started with the spin of a bottle, and now Harry and Draco have gotten themselves so far into their own game there's almost no way out again. Except to keep playing.

Master Work by mahaliem

Harry's eighth-year at Hogwarts is going about as well as all the others. Someone is out to get him, Aurors keep questioning him about the final battle and, worst of all, Draco is determined to repay his life debt to Harry.

The Face of His Enemy by mahaliem

On the train to Hogwarts, Draco is hit with a curse that results in him reassessing who he is and who his true enemies are.

Post-Hogwarts

Just Go With It by keeprunning 1,004 words

"No one before me, then? I thought, with Ginevera at least-"

"I'm in bed with you and you're asking if I've slept with a woman?" Harry thunders, unable filter himself, as usual.

Malfoy makes a hushing noise and rubs soothingly at Harry's biceps in a way he has learned means peace. "I am merely mature enough to consider that you might be interested in both - or any - of the genders, even though you are presently interested in me.”

A Fountain of Unspoken Words by Astardanced77 2,132 words

Draco has a plan. He just needs one perfect moment.

Would You? by emmagrant01 4,521 words

MLE officer Draco Malfoy just spent a month working with Auror Harry Potter to catch a criminal. Now that the case is closed, Potter keeps following him about, for some reason.

Watch time fall apart by Ischa 5,182 words

It's like this: Harry is waiting, because a few years ago Draco travelled back in time and messed up Harry's life by sleeping with him. So Harry is waiting.

Special Magic by lauren3210 7,914 words

Harry was seriously considering the fact that his partner might be completely insane.

A Few Brief Moments by disapparater 8,248 words

Draco remembers his life with Harry, until he forgets.

Little Talks by Femme (femmequixotic), noeon (noe) 11,351 words

Draco's been shagging the Head Auror for months now, and he's sure it's just a fling. Until Harry asks him to a Quidditch match, that is, and things go horribly wrong.

Rumor Has It by emmagrant01 12,446 words

Auror trainee Harry Potter does not have a crush on Draco Malfoy. He's just curious about why a former Death Eater is working for the Wizengamot, and that's all. Really.

Ward My Heart (And Pull Me to You) by alpha_exodus 12,876 words

It's an inexplicable pull that starts bringing Malfoy to Harry, but it's the endless rounds of tea and a quickly blooming friendship that bring him back.

Where your heart is set by hazel_wand 13,370 words

Draco comes home from school to find that his mother has decided to rebuild their family to include Andromeda, Teddy … and Harry Potter.

The Rewards of Bravery by lauren3210 13,797 words

During an Auror mission gone wrong, Harry finds himself with an unexpected new power: he can tell when people are lying. It’s incredibly annoying, except for when Draco’s around...

Newts by astolat 13,926 words

“I’m twenty-eight!” Harry said. “I’ve been an Auror for ten years! You want me to go back to Hogwarts now?"

Timeshare by astolat 14,156 words

“It’s not for long,” Hermione said. “By the time we get back to Hogwarts, the Unfettering Brew will be ready.”

“Listen to you!” Ron said. “He’s got to get through a month with the Dursleys and a month at Malfoy Manor. With Draco Malfoy.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Harry said, because he hadn’t just spent the last week contemplating just how much more horrible his summer holidays were about to be than they’d ever been before.

Fifty-Two Weeks by sonata_de_morte 14,163 words

The sentence, for all it was not the outcome Draco would have preferred, was hardly something he could complain about.

All Roads Lead Home by dracogotgame 14,991 words

Draco is strong-armed into spending the first Christmas after the War with the Weasleys. And Harry Potter.

And Back Again (Where You Belong) by eidheann 15,956 words

He thought back on their previous handshakes, and smiled faintly at the fact they always seemed to mean so much more to him than they did to Potter.

Reparatio by astolat 17,363 words

Draco snorted. “I’m not reduced to penury. I want something considerably beyond money, and I rather think you’re the only one can give it to me.”

“You want the Invisibility Cloak,” Harry said, flatly. He’d half expected as much; it was the only thing he had that Draco could want—

“Don’t be stupid, Potter,” Draco said. “I want my reputation back.”

Five Times Draco Malfoy Got Sacked (And One Time He Didn't) by emmagrant01 18,389 words

After the Dark Lord was destroyed, Draco Malfoy had to start all over. He had no idea it would be quite so difficult.

Side-Along by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill) 22,058 words

If this wasn't a curse then it was Hell. Because surely, in Hell, all roads would lead to Harry Potter's living room.

Life is a Twice Written Scroll by lauren3210 22,517 words

The new world order hasn't been kind to Draco and his family, and he wishes it could all be different. So does Harry, although not for the same reasons. But as Draco works to fix the mistakes he made in the past, he finds his reasons for doing so changing in a way he never expected.

House Proud by astolat 23,112 words

His house liked Draco Malfoy more than him.

Slithering by astolat 27,355 words

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

Make My Demons Run by lauren3210 28,072 words

After giving evidence in defence of Draco at his trial, suddenly Potter is everywhere he turns as he completes his community service. Draco hadn't expected any of it, nor had he expected those long buried feelings he'd once had to come rising back to the surface. He definitely didn't expect what happened next. Sequel: New Dawn's Light

Seizing Second Chances by momatu 28,146 words

Five years after Draco lost his infant son to complications following his premature birth, he sees a happy, healthy dark-haired child the same age his own little boy would have been playing on the swings in a Muggle play park. One year after the sudden loss of his wife, Harry sees Draco quietly watching children play in a Muggle play park. If they can put the past behind them, can they be each other's second chance at happiness?

Somebody to Love by khasael 31,274 words

Draco's life after the war is quite different than it used to be. When he finds himself cursed, with little hope for lifting the spell, he sets out to make the most of the time he has left. Getting to know his Aunt Andromeda and his young cousin Teddy feels like a good thing to do, even if it can't help him in the long run...or can it?

Fast Forward, Two Steps Back by emmagrant01 36,065 words

Everyone knows that Draco Malfoy died in the Room of Requirement ten years ago. So when he suddenly reappears at Hogwarts ten years later, still seventeen years old, Professor Harry Potter's life gets very complicated.

Fidelius by coffeejunkii

The person sitting in front of Harry looks like someone he hated for years, but the memories don't fit anymore. Perhaps he knew Malfoy at one point, but he has no idea who this man is, aside from a familiar name and a familiar face.

Post-Deathly Hallows 

First and Last by abusing_sarcasm 2,080 words [feat. Albus Severus/Scorpius]

First times and where they lead.

Psychometry by Lomonaaeren 3,749 words

Objects tell a story.

Surviving Summer by dracogotgame 15,343 words

It wasn't going to be easy managing four teenagers over the summer hols. But it was definitely going to be worth it.

Written in the Stars by November Snowflake 16,335 words

Draco watches as his son grows up--and maybe does a little growing up of his own.

In the Same Boat by tomatoe18 21,406 words

Officially, Draco just wants Hogsmeade to have a bookstore. Unofficially, his son is giving him heart palpitations, so he has to resort to a drastic measure. Unfortunately, Draco's drastic measure is also Harry Potter's.

Take A Sad Song (And Make It Better) by Femme (femmequixotic) 46,356 words

The last thing Harry wants is to lose his kids.

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart? by mahaliem 26,532 words

In order to keep custody of his children, Draco needs to find a spouse that will shore up the Malfoy family's tattered reputation. But what starts off as a means to an end gets more complicated when Draco's target reawakens feelings in him that he hasn't had in a long while, and Draco starts to feel alive for the first time since his wife's death.

Fathers Who Could Do With A Spot of Sinning by blamebrampton 65,117  [feat. Albus Severus/Scorpius]

After their sons fall in large amounts of teenaged love at school, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter decide it's finally time to talk like adults about their own ties to each other. If only they could. Meanwhile, events of national importance conspire to distract them. Prequel: Sins of the Fathers

The Slytherin Gryffindor by Cheryl Dyson [feat. Albus Severus/Scorpius]

Draco flipped through the book idly and then returned it to the shelf. He perused the nearby titles and scowled in annoyance. Why did he even bother looking here? He would most likely have to put in a special order.

[glassy28]

Okay... now comes the "revenge" for last time xD hmm could you answer... 1, 17, 19, 23, 24, 27, 37, 40 (sry but I really wanna know), 44, 45, 46 (hopefully yes), 48, 55 (haha for me the opposite question would be better), 60, 62, 65, 90, 99 Thx in advance *blows kiss* have fun answering that

OH GOD! I can’t believe you actually remembered it…Well… here goes nothing:

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?The last person I texted was my brother… I’d get super mad and scream at him to leave asap.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?No. Not personally. I know someone with one part of my middle name. She is my godmother and my mother’s friend.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?I kinda want to be, but realistically maybe to no. Maybe I’ll find someone at uni? But then I’d have to socialise, we’d need to go on dates, get to know each other, have some kind of attraction towards each other… and I’ve never been in a relationship… it might be hard.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?Some of my father’s friends. They are loud, obnoxious and drink and smoke a lot… and the karaoke gives me ear cancer. Also maybe some in my grade… some are really testing my limits.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?Yes, but I doubt that I’ll go through with it. I was thinking either a quote or a symbol with some meaning behind it. 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?In the shower while stepping out of it.

37. What song are you listening to?Right now? To none.

40. What made you start liking the person you like?OMG… I should’ve seen it coming… A valid question tho. Tbh I’m not sure myself but it kinda started from looking at him and finding him handsome and cute. It just kinda developed from there when I heard about his character and personality. I was observing him a lot during our orchestra practice week in Weikersheim and I just really liked him from afar. He seemed very nice and polite, a little bit shy but open with his friends and when he smiled with teeth showing I just had to smile as well (this sounds so… Idk the word but not normal and too much crush-like to me). He just got my attention by simply standing in the rows of choir ppl… (I tried giving you a longer answer so you can kinda understand it more…did my answer satisfy you?)

44. Does anyone disgust you?Ppl who don’t shower for a month? Those who take drugs? Basically those drug addicts described in the novel ‘High Society’ by Ben Elton (the novel we’re reading in school -.-)

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?If my crush asked me: hell yeah! Any other person: no, because I have a crush on someone and I wouldn’t have a proper relationship with them because I’m still pining over someone else.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?I’m feeling more the ‘meh’. This ask is definitely contributing to a good mood but I’m just lazing around and not doing the thing I’m supposed to do.

48. What color shirt are you wearing?A light blue long-sleeved shirt.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?YES!!! Basically with every crush I had. I’ve never told any of my crushes that I like them… (except that one time when I anonymously send a rose to my crush but indirectly told him the rose was mine...) I hope I’ll be able to talk to my current crush and actually do something this time around… but I doubt it.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?Probably my phone when we are literally talking about ‘at all times’, but I can separate myself from it for a longer period of time.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?Hard to say since I’ve never been in a relationship. I think it might be difficult because I’m a person who doesn’t make the effort of leaving my house and also someone who doesn’t make a lot of time for meeting up with ppl.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?Does the channel #compliments in the discord chat count?

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?No, I always ask for permission, but sometimes I just leave without saying much about where I’m going, but I’m not sneaking around but actually using the front door.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?Never. I’ve never been that drunk to the point where I pass out. I’ve only been slightly tipsy or drunk. 

I hope you had fun with your ‘revenge’. Payback is a bitch…

[ilovehighhats]

Sculptor, ch. 1, The Seed

Or shaping the future one day at a time. In which a seed is planted and it takes root.

Bane returned to the living room right after disposing of Helena. He slipped on a shirt, tossed carelessly on the floor minutes before, and wordlessly helped Grace transfer pot of tea and cups to the coffee table. She found some cookies and arranged them neatly on a plate.

“You don't look like a scientist,” she noted, taking a seat on the other sofa and helping herself to a biscuit.

Bane poured the tea, indicating with his hands and eyes the usual questions, whether to add milk or sugar, and handed the woman her drink.  

“Are you really an astrophysicist?” she continued, after nodding her thanks and taking a sip.

“Yes,” he grunted. Muscles in his back were still unusually tensed, sore around his lower vertebrae. He’d have to check what that was  about. For now he focused on schooling his expression in polite disinterest, and took a swig of his drink. Mmm, earl grey. Soothing.

“Do you have any publications under your name?” Grace continued to drill.

He smiled, knowing exactly where she was going.

“Of course.”

“Did you write them yourself?”

“Yes. They have been reviewed by multiple peers.”

“You have a lot of scars for a scholar.”

“Do they bother you?”

“How did you get those burns?”

“I was in Gotham.”

“You have a knack for answering questions without parting with any valuable information.”

“Perhaps.”

“Tell me, Anthony, what kind of scientist has motion detectors in double perimeter around his house?”

“A careful one. What kind of old lady knows how to disable them?”

“A nosy one.” She smiled, smug.

Bane sipped his tea.

“I'll keep my eye on you.”

He shrugged and looked to the side - Helena gathered herself enough to come to them. His eyes softened when they met her worried gaze. He knew he would be watched, scrutinized and tracked down, and all of that by people more dangerous than a retiree. He could live with whatever investigation Grace had coming. As long as Helena would be close, he would be fine. Even if close for now meant at the other side of the table, sitting on a rug of all places, like she needed to have both of them under her watchful gaze.

“So, Grace, what the fuck?” the younger woman asked, sliding the last empty cup to herself and dismissing Bane’s help with a wave of her palm. She poured the tea, frowning, splashing hot liquid on the saucer.

“Language, darling.”

She chuffed at the chastisement and shook her head. Two cubes of sugar splashed into the cup, and she stirred angrily.

Bane thought she looked cute when irritated. It wasn’t the cold rage he was used to, nor the distant resentment he remembered. She was irked but calm. Interesting.

“Don't you language me, what was that about?”

“I was worried about you.”

“Uh huh. You might have noticed somewhere in past few years that I actually live next door. Perhaps during the time you used to live in this very cottage?“ The ‘used to’ part was stressed, with semi-threatening lean on the table towards the woman to heighten the effect.

“Darling, I was playing bridge-” Grace started, the blasé tone way different than the quick and sharp one she used to ask Bane her questions earlier.

He wondered what her agenda was . And why it seemed like he’d have to peel some layers to get to the bottom of it.

Helena groaned painfully, thumped her forehead on the table. Bane barely had time to move up and away his cup to avoid spillage.

“Are  there no more physicians who respect patient confidentiality?“ The scribe moaned, shoulders slumping for a bit.

“Sven asked me how you brave your cold. Imagine my surprise.” To anyone else Grace looked like personification of sage aunt, careful about her little niece and mindful of her image. Bane noticed the studied way in which she arched her brow, a touch of distaste in her tone. Yup, like that fairy godmother from ‘Sleeping Beauty’. The red one. What was her name?

Helena raised her head to rest it on her palm, elbow propped up on the table. Inelegant, but cute. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“I imagine you left poor Graham with the dishes as soon as everyone left and trotted here asap.”

Grace had the decency to blush.

“I knew it.” Satisfied scoff was accompanied by a triumphant glare as Helena straightened back to take a swig of her drink.

“I just put two and two together. You let me know that Dorrance is here. Then fall silent for a week and I learned from Anna some man drove you around town. And now Sven says you were unwell. Of course I was worried.”

“Of course,” Bane echoed, sipping another gulp.

They both turned to him, glaring. Maybe he overdid it this time with the mocking.

“Okay, so I’m fine and I’m sure you saw that before you decided to interrupt our little tete-a-tete. Why come in for a chat?”

Bane grinned. That was the woman he knew and remembered. Even when faced with a situation potentially dangerous, or as it was now embarrassing, she never stopped analyzing its components. Why, who, when?

Refreshing his drink, and Grace’s, he eagerly waited for the following explanation.

“Don’t pull the wool over my eyes, missy. All this years you pretended to be just friends, and now this?” She waved her hand towards Bane. “Your generation is certainly generous with affection, I can tell you that.”

He bit his cheek not to laugh. Good tactic, deflecting the attack with a blow of her own.

“We were just friends,” Helena grumbled.

“And now we’re friends with benefits,” Bane added. “The modern way to do things.” His eyes sent a clear message. He was sure the woman got it when she pressed her lips tightly together in reaction.

“Yes, you’re very modern,” Grace snorted. “Do you hide tattoos in there, along with all those scars? Writing your thesis with help of some weed?”

“None of your concern,” he stated blandly.

“Grace, please.” Outrage clear on her face as well as in her tone Helena frowned again. “That is quite enough.”

“Yes, darling, it is. I can see I’m not welcome here.” Her chin raised in a dignified pose. She placed the saucer back on the table, cup clinking softly, and stood up royally.

Both Bane and Helena followed.

“I will be the bigger person though and still do what I intended to when I came by,” she continued. “You are both very welcome at Graham’s and mine table for Easter.”

“Thanks,” Helena nodded, biting her lip.

Bane had a feeling Grace knew it wasn’t a happy offer for him. Difficult to refuse, seeing how the scribe was obviously intended to take it.

“Goodbye then, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

She left with a satisfied smirk.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t Flora, the red fairy. Maleficent suited her better.

As soon as her back cleared the corner, Helena chuckled.

“I know she’s weird, but she’s a good soul,” she explained.

“She doesn’t strike me as the friendliest of types,” Bane noted.

He collected the dishes, and Helena took what he didn’t manage to grab, followed him to the kitchen.

“Grace is nice, but you’re right. She can be a bit idealistic in her views so when the reality doesn’t fit, she bristles. Her husband is the soul of a party, and he’s the one who gathers local bigwigs for their bridge and other playdates.”

“You’ve ever been?” he asked, loading the dishwasher.

“Sure, once or twice. Too many people, I prefer visiting when there's only the two of them, or three more friends at most. Sunday roast sit-downs, mostly.”

“Hmm,” he grunted, swiping a dishcloth over the counter.

Helena looked back to the coffee table, checking if everything was in order. The memory of kiss on the sofa warmed her cheeks. That was more than nice. Feeling Bane between her legs was better than anything she experienced in the  past few months, and he didn’t really have a chance to actually get to work. He had full reign of his body now, so they could finally have proper, dirty, sweaty and sticky sex in the light of day, with full use of every orifice they wanted to abuse.

She nearly moaned at the thought.

It was so foolish though, to entice him when she knew he was far from okay.

Best thing to do would be ensuring he was stable, as soon as humanly possible. Which she hoped would be a record time since Bane excelled seemingly at everything he touched. Why would recovery  be any different?

“Would you like to set up Lully?” She offered, turning with her hands resting comfortably on her hips. Open enough, but confident instead of meek.

“Of course.” Bane leered.

That would bring Helena to his bedroom. She was aware of his train of thought.

“Don’t get any ideas. You go do it yourself. I’m going back to mine to see if the cottage still stands. I shall return in the evening,” she professed playfully, but steadily.

A clear message. Don’t follow, find something to do. I won’t leave for long.

“I’ll make some dinner,” he offered gruffly.

She was surprised, but easily smiled after initial pause.

“Great. Looking forward to it.”

oOo

Helena woke up to the sound of a gardening show, soothing voice of Monty Don instructing what to do when carrot fly attacks. Fearsome prospect that it was, she calmly drew in a deep breath and straightened a bit on the sofa. Bane was at her side, looking lost in thought, cradling her to his chest. She let herself cuddle back closer than before, and wallowed in the heat and scent of him.

Dinner was lavish and plentiful, and she drank a bit too much wine. That was the only reason she let Bane get this close. Maybe also the fact he agreed to watch some shows she liked. All was right in the world, nothing pressing to do, nothing important to address. She looked at the screen idly as stills of summer garden flicked on and off.

“You want to go back to your room for the night?”

She sighed into his flank, reluctantly shifting and straightening.

“I should, yeah,” she said, the last word distorted with a yawn.

“I’ll call in James to escort you.”

In a blink she was wide awake. Trying to hide her alarm she didn’t move, observed him in the window. The reflection was blurry but his broad frame easily discernible illuminated by faint glow of the computer.

“Okay,” she said tentatively, waiting for his next move.

Bane stood up, grunting as his spine complained, leaning palms on his thighs. He went to the glass door and stilled.

“James is not here, isn’t he?”

“I don’t know where he is,” Helena confirmed, unsure what Bane meant by ‘here’ exactly.

She frowned, concerned, and watched as his back tensed.

“I thought we were back in Gotham,” he admitted.

“Where are we now?”

“Home.”

Finally she decided to stand up and scale the gap between them. The fireplace was as dark as the rest of the room, but coals radiated warmth still. She shivered as she left the comfort of nearby sofa to stand by the cold glass alongside Bane. Carefully, she slithered her hand in his palm. A non-threatening, reassuring gesture. He squeezed back gently without a word. Helena still wasn’t certain he was with her, but she didn’t dare pressing him further. Since she wasn’t with him during the siege he might have thought she was Talia. Or some other woman. Finding that out wasn’t on top of her priority list right now.

“We should go to sleep,” he said, a dejected tone in his whisper.

Helena realized he avoided rest for the past two days. Since his episode with the knife.

“You want to take a shower first?”

“Not really,” he countered, shaking his head. “You won’t sleep with me?”

“Not this time. But I can sit by until you fall asleep,” she proposed.

“Don’t treat me like a child, Helena,” he sneered.

Relief made her smile sheepishly. Anger she could work with. It was the mute, low-spirited Bane she didn’t know what to do about.

“I’m not. I can assure you I will be portraying you naked under those sheets. Wouldn’t do that to a kid,” she teased.

He chuckled lowly, appreciating her effort at lightening the mood.

“You had me fooled with your past flings.” He winked. “And I thought you remembered I prefer to sleep nude.”

“Ha, ha, very funny.”

They walked down the corridor together, silencing Monty Don’s rant about tomatoes on their way with Bane thudding the laptop shut. Helena stopped just before his door, and let herself be pulled close in a tight hug.

“See you in the morning,” she mumbled in Bane’s shoulder, fighting with herself to disengage and move back.

He stopped her, strong arms keeping her close. Not insistently, but firmly enough to counteract her motion. Soft kiss on her temple had her melting back into him, huffing a soft moan. She didn’t have enough courage to vocalize everything she felt. Wasn’t cruel enough to tell him she loved him, then go away to sleep in the other room. But the understanding between them grew, both of them reluctant to part.

In the end Bane's chest heaved with last intake of breath, making her smile as she heard him sniffing her hair, and he sighed.

“Goodnight, Helena.”

oOo

She heard him toss and turn, rustle of sheets and muted creaks of bedframe as telling as his frustrated grunts. He didn’t sleep, and she was trying to wait him out, but it was harder and harder as minutes trickled by, the hum of gale comforting despite anxiousness simmering in her gut. To stay awake read every piece of news on the sites she frequented, found a romance novel online, and even tried browsing for some movies. None of that held her interest for longer than half an hour.

She tried to recount the instances she could be sure he slept, from the day he came, up until now. The calculation was disturbing. On the first night, right after their talk, he probably caught couple of hours at best, since he read through all those messages she sent to Tony. To him. Then two nights she couldn’t be sure about. Then the one where she was here, the one with the knife. He slept, but she was sure he didn’t get much rest. Then on Sunday he had a proper deep sleep, she spent most of the night listening in on him, much as she did now, so she was sure. On Tuesday morning she remembered him miraculously tidying up all books in the living area - he must have started deep into the night. Wednesday and Thursday she slept deeply so didn’t have a clue, but Friday she was sure he didn’t rest at all because he made bread. The wonderful smell actually woke her up much to her surprise and delight; it meant not only a delicious breakfast waiting for her, but also that her sinuses were finally clear. Saturday again unsure, but since that was the day Grace came, Bane was agitated for the rest of the night. And finally yesterday, when she was positive he stayed up with his research. All in all, she was certain he didn’t sleep for half of the nights she counted, and was uncertain about the rest but one, so that didn’t help to settle her mind at ease.

He must have been exhausted, and she kept rejecting him, challenging him every step of the way, making him prove he wanted to be here, with her.

Realizing she had essentially been a bitch to him, she reached out for her phone and quickly checked a fact she half remembered. Thanks to the internet she had her confirmation in mere minutes.

With a decisive huff she got up to dress. The noise she made was deliberate. In a quiet minute when she sat down to shake sleep off and calm herself, her ears strained to catch any sounds coming from Bane’s bedroom. Nothing. She smirked. So he listened to her as well.

Making a show of waving a hand through the gap in ajar door she alerted him to her presence outside.

“I’m up,” he said.

She opened the door but stood on the threshold, holding the handle. Partly to do something with her hands, partly to stop herself from going to him and snuggling close.

“Gathered as much.” She gulped, losing her thread of thought. He was bare chested, thin sheet low on his hips, sprawled comfortably in the middle of white linens, propped up a bit on the headboard. Smug smirk twisted his lips.

Those lips. She kissed them not two days ago.

“You were saying?”

“Oh, right,” she murmured. “I’m going to my cottage.”

His smile vanished.

“Can’t stand listening to your tossing, and I have a nice herbal tea back there. Would you like to tag along?”

He nodded and she wasted no time in turning away and walking slowly to the living room, lest she saw too much and wouldn’t be able to leave at all.

Bane didn’t keep her waiting long, and they set into the night, dark, cold and damp, walking in companionable silence down a rocky path.

“New Moon tonight?” she asked, opening her door.

“Yes.”

Wooden steps muffled sound of their boots when they descended to the kitchen area.

“What are you working on when you think I don’t look?”

“My memoirs.”

Helena chuckled, looking for the box with tea, while Bane put on the kettle. She chucked the bags into mugs and stood by, hip propped on the counter, waiting.

Bane leaned his hands on the wood beside her, bending his head and stretching his spine.

“I’d like you to get that looked at,” she said.

“Would you come with me?”

She thought about it. Was it really to his advantage if she coddled him every step of the way? Should she accommodate his wishes, or was it better to make him deal with everything on his own?

Before she realized the silence stretched for too long.

“Never mind,” he huffed, straightening back up.

The kettle whistled, and he turned the heat off and poured the water.

“What’s in that tea?”

“Lemon balm, chamomile, hops, mint, passiflora and lemongrass,” she read.

“Comprehensive blend,” he noted.

Steam billowed under cold clinical light, the mugs a deep indigo, framed at the top with burnt sienna corresponding to the oak of the tabletop. Helena watched them for a while, aware that she was observed in turn.

“Let's make a fire, hmm?”

Bane nodded and started up to get to the back terrace and the fire pit, leaving her to gather both mugs and then collect some blankets and pillows to make a comfortable nest by the fire. By the time she was done with her task, Bane has completed his. He made last corrections to a neat bonfire raised up on rusted planes of steel, then turned to sit on a chair, cushioned and covered. Let Helena fuss over him, tucking warm wool wherever she saw fit, before she handed him his mug.

“Thank you,” he said, looking in the flames.

Last time he spent a night like this he was on a beach with Talia, watching summer spectacle of a meteor shower unfold over their heads.

“You're very welcome,” the scribe said, smiling pleasantly over her tea.

“For bringing me out of there,” he clarified. “I appreciate it. In fact, I appreciate everything you’re trying to do,” he admitted looking her straight in the eye.

“I’m sorry I’ve been unpleasant.”

Bane shook his head, but she silenced him with a frown.

“No, really. I want to be with you. It’s just… You keep telling me to come to you. You have to give me room to make at least one step then.” She reasoned. “I don’t want you anymore hurt than you are. And that will happen if you have another fit while sleeping, if I’ll be in bed with you and you’ll see me as some ghost from your past.”

Her words were merciless, but she knew he could see what was the reason for them. No matter what he was before, she was with him now.

“So, no sex until I’m healed?” He was bad at hiding his disappointment.

“No sleeping together,” she corrected. It would be too harsh to shut that door completely. On both of them. Especially with the way he perked up. “But for now, I’d like you to settle and find a comfortable schedule, without a disruption some good, um, exercise would bring.”

He hummed, mulling over her words.

“That sounds reasonable.”

“Also, I’ve noticed that if an episode happens it’s around one or two in the morning. We could program Lully and give it a week to see if it helps. But you need a regular sleeping pattern for that to work.”

“Mhm.”

They finished tea and kept staring at the flames, Bane occasionally getting up to feed them.

Helena fought to keep her eyes open.

At one point she dozed off. Cold wind sneaked under blanket, the fabric slipping out of her fingers when she slouched in her chair. Her head fell back too far and she startled, aware that she was being carried, but too cozy to really do anything. Bane was murmuring something softly, shifting her in his arms. She focused on the cadence of his voice, deep rumble going through his chest and the warmth surrounding her.

[lacommunarde]

Snart and Scofield to the Company Came - Chapter 6: License Plate Game

Chapter 1: A Case of Mistaken Identities

Chapter 2: STAR Labs

Chapter 3: What is Leonard Snart?

Chapter 4:  Safety in Central City

Chapter 5: Meetings and Decisions

Chapter 6: Licence Plate Game

Fandom: The Flash, Prison Break, Arrow (sort of) Rating: Mature Warnings: Prison Break typical level of violence, (sort of major) character death, Torture, Surgery, Cancer, Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse,

Notes: Spoilers through season 4 of Prison Break, The events of the Flash happen ten years earlier: Len Mick and Lisa are ten years younger but everyone else is canon age, Len is 33, Michael is 28/29 when the fic starts, Linc is 32/33, Mick is 35. Snart Family Feels, Scofield and Burrows Family Feels,

Relationships: Mick Rory/Leonard Snart, Leonard Snart & Lisa Snart, Lincoln Burrows & Michael Scofield, Michael Scofield/Sara Tancredi, Maricruz Delgado/Fernando Sucre, Michael Scofield & Leonard Snart, Michael Scofield & Christina Scofield, Leonard Snart & Christina Scofield, Mick Rory & Lincoln Burrows,

Characters: Leonard Snart, Michael Scofield, Mick Rory, Lincoln Burrows, Lisa Snart, Cisco Ramon, Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Sara Tancredi, Fernando Sucre, LJ Burrows, Joe West, Iris West, Maricruz Delgado, Felicity Smoak, Alex Mahone, Paul Kellerman, Bill Kim, Christina Scofield, General Krantz, Aldo Burrows, Theodore “T-Bag” Bagwell, Wally West, Lewis Snart, Brad Bellick, Oliver Queen, Alex Walker,

Summary:    When Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows swing by Central City to get a potential plan B for getting to Panama (in case they need it), they are mistaken for Leonard Snart and Mick Rory. Leonard Snart, who is laying low (not in Central City) is mistaken for Scofield. Once their identities are straightened out, Len, Mick and Lisa and the Flash team decide they are going to help the brothers (and Sucre, Sara Tancredi, and LJ) find out why the Company wants them, and the Rogues call in a few favors.

Michael and Linc walked in with their gear later that day when Lisa said the appointed meet up to get ready was. Lisa had changed clothes into something with some similarity to a trucker uniform, not much on closer inspection, but enough to pass first glance. Lisa gave them a once over, even going so far as to tip Michael’s face from one side to the other. Len came in to observe from his vantage point against the door.

Then Lisa sighed and turned to raise an eyebrow at Len, as did Michael and Linc. They also raised their eyebrows, but in a different way than Lisa. Len no longer looked like Michael, or at least that wasn’t the first thing anyone would notice about him. Goggles across his eyes, a thin blue jacket buttoned up to his throat and skinny utility pants that didn’t leave much to the imagination were not something Michael could ever see himself wearing, and the attire showed off both his posture and level of comfort in his own skin. Altogether, it gave off the impression of watching a tiger move – a very dangerous, very calculating, very, well, cold tiger. Michael couldn’t help but smile at how much the man supervillain nickname suited him.

“Sis,” he said, his drawl was thicker than usual too, “I’ll need to borrow your bike. Mine’s unfortunately not available right now.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Just don’t get it impounded like you did yours.”

Len grinned. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Lisa shrugged. “That’s what you say.” She gestured at Linc and Michael. “So what do you think?”

Len studied them, inclining his head. Linc felt a moment of déjà vu that he was being looked over by their mother again before Christmas dinner right before she did the tsk tsk noise of disappointment. The thought made the hair on his arm stand up. It was only for a second though, before Len shrugged. “They can’t get out together, that’s for sure. Here, let’s get spare trucker uniforms. Brown, I think. That should help a little.”

“Brown.” Lisa nodded. “Shorts?”

“No shorts,” Michael said. “Will it work to disguise us?”

“No one ever looks at delivery people’s faces. I should know. It’s how we pull half our jobs. I even delivered something to the CCPD after a job, to find out what they knew. Me and Mick’s pictures spread across their desks and they signed for the packages and everything.”

“I feel that I should probably note that down somewhere for Barry to pass on to the CCPD,” Cisco shouted from his computer.

“Mmm. But not till after we’ve cleared their names, right, Cisco?” Len said. “That’d hardly be good for their cover.”

Cisco met his eyes. “Let’s just agree to work together until their names are cleared, yeah?”

Len turned back to Linc and Michael then took out his phone. “Mick, bring over the UPS uniforms. The ones with pants.” He paused and then smirked at whatever Mick was saying in response. “Yeah. And the 4 C’s shirts.” He hung up and said, “He should be here shortly.”

Michael asked, “Why brown?”

Len inclined his head and moved the goggles up onto his forehead. “Because if it was an Illinois state penitentiary, they probably had you wearing blue. Brown brings out different undertones than blue does, which acts like make up to disguise identities.”

Michael nodded, taking in the new information.

Linc frowned. “So you’re gonna be following us? That a good idea? You’re wearing blue.”

Michael responded for Len. “I don’t think anyone will mistake him for me wearing that.”

Linc narrowed his eyes. “Guess not. But do you think there’s gonna be someone following?”

Len nodded. “I’m certain of it.”

Linc turned to Michael. “Same people who framed me and kept chasing away witnesses.”

Len added, “And Kellerman and Mahone, though they’ll be more open about it.”

Cisco nodded. “I’m setting up a way that we can potentially track them and know what they’re doing, but we might have to slip something on to them to.”

Len gestured out with his hand. “If you give it to me, I’ll slip it onto whichever of them is trailing them.”

Cisco tipped his head. “Wouldn’t that blow your cover?”

“How sweet, Cisco. I didn’t know you cared.”

“Yeah. You know I don’t, Cold,” Cisco responded.

Len smirked. “I’ll deal with my cover.”

Lisa turned to survey her brother, frowning at him and turning back to Cisco. “Cisco, how far do those communicators works?”

Cisco nodded. “Actually, I’ve tweaked them so they’ll work across distances. If you want, I have an emergency one for each of you, just in case you get into trouble. These babies are tuned into a B Network, and it’s one way, so you won’t get radio from Flash operations, but we’ll still know if you get into any trouble. Bear can be there asap and hopefully get you away from them.” He walked around the desk to hand them out. They put them in. “Test 1 2. Test test,” he said into one of them, his voice coming out of the speakers on his computer.

Cisco had them each check voice as well. Each of them worked.

Mick walked in wearing his goggles and fire gear. Cisco walked over to him, glared at him, grabbed his head and deposited a communicator into it. “What’s this, kid?”

Len informed him. “It’s a communicator. But Mick, I’d like you to stay here.”

Mick frowned. “That an order, Snart?”

Len gazed at him. “Do I have to make it one?”

Mick glanced at Linc. “No. I don’t want to be on death row. You want me to do anything?”

Len smirked. “Be in Central. Just in case anything should go wrong.”

Mick glanced at Linc and Michael then back at Len. “What if they shoot you?”

Len tapped the communicator. “You’ll know and can get my exact location out of Cisco here.”

“Huh,” Mick said and put his in. “You trust him with your location. Is this something we need to talk about?”

“Only on this job. Cisco, I’ll lose this first chance I get so you can’t track me.”

“Cold gun, Captain Cold.”

“What if I ain’t using the cold gun?” Len turned to survey Cisco.

Cisco shrugged. “I’ll still find a way. You know I will.” Len grinned back at him.

Michael approached the computer. “You have a system that can track down his cold gun?”

Cisco pointed in Michael’s direction. “Hands off. You only get to see it if you stay on as a member of the team.”

“Does that include Mick if he helps the Flash track down metas?” Len smirked at Cisco.

Cisco checked Mick’s expression. “You agree to play nice with the cops? Somehow it doesn’t sound like you, Heatwave.”

“Don’t know. You could see how mad it makes the cops,” Len suggested.

Mick laughed. “Fine. But only as your point person. Tattoo, Prez, here’s your UPS uniforms.” Cisco hung his head trying not to laugh at Michael’s expression at the nicknames.

Len inclined his head and took them, handing one to Linc and one to Michael. “These can go on over your undershirts, but I’d recommend changing into them.”

They went, and when they came back, they were wearing them. Mick studied Linc. “You typically wear things unbuttoned to mid-chest?”

“Yeah, I like it better, but not in prison, I didn’t.”

Mick nodded. “Good. Though give it an extra button so it hangs right on you.” Linc did.

Len was studying Michael. “How do I look?” Michael responded to Len’s intent stare.

“Lisa?” Len asked.

Lisa looked at him as well. “It’ll do. Although, Michael, you do need to calm down and act normal. With the way I imagine you and your brother have been acting, you’re probably getting every single cop to Fox River double checking you to see if they’ve seen your faces before.”

Michael blinked.

“Even if you don’t though, I’m planning on having you change back halfway there when I change license plates, and then changed back into these uniforms when we’re nearly there.”

“The old license plate trick?” Len said.

“Complete with two other license plates.”

Len inclined his head, a gesture that they both knew meant he should have known she had transportation under control and was butting out. “Good.”

“Let’s set out then. Lenny, I’ll take you as far as my apartment. Keys are where they always are.”

Len pursed his lips. “Fifteen minute head start should do it?”

Lisa inclined her head, mirroring Len’s earlier gesture. Linc nodded. “That’s how close they were following when Dad tried to bust me out.”

“Fifteen it is then.”

“Alright, then we’ll be out of your hair, Cisco,” Linc said.

Cisco shook his head. “Ear piece, remember? You need anything, just tap your ear and speak into it. I’ve gotten the calibration up so it can even pick up a whisper, and it can pick up your location.”

Michael blinked and nodded. “Thank you for your help, with everything.” He indicated a cooler.

“Yeah, good luck with everything.” Cisco shook his head at him.

“Snarts, keep me updated as to what’s going on,” Mick said.

“Will do, Mick,” Len inclined his head. “Burners.”

Outside, the four of them climbed into Lisa’s truck and drove away.

Mick walked back in with Cisco. “Got anywhere I can test my gun?” Mick asked Cisco as soon as they were inside.

Cisco turned to side-eye him. “Why does it need testing?”

“Because I want to. Any other stupid questions, kid?”

Cisco gazed at him. “There’s a section of the Pipeline that we use to test Barry’s speed. I’ll show you. Don’t make me regret it, Heatwave. If I hear you’ve kidnapped anyone, I can put sleeping gas into the pipeline and you’ll wake up in a seven by seven cell. And if kidnap Caitlin or me again, you don’t want to know what’ll happen.

Mick laughed. “I don’t promise nothing. However, I’m willing to say truce until this job is done. You’re good at threats, kid.”

When Cisco got back from showing Mick to the Pipeline testing ground, Caitlin was back in the room. “Cisco, I drew a vial of each of their blood. It’s currently in the freezer. I was thinking just in case there is a meta who was causing the similarities.”

Cisco turned to her. “You know what I think? Snart and Scofield are likely related.” He pulled a lollypop out of his desk and offered one to Caitlin, who shook her head.

“I don’t see how they could be.”

“I don’t know. Maybe Snart’s dad?” Cisco said.

Caitlin winced. “Do you think either of them would like to know that, given what Detective West told us about Snart’s father?”

Cisco shook his head in agreement.

“I also cleaned an injury Lincoln sustained in trying to rescue his son.”

Cisco frowned. “He didn’t say he was injured.”

Caitlin shook her head. “It’s hard getting any of them to admit they need medical care. Snart tried to get up and leave less than an hour after he’d started drowning.”

Cisco rolled his eyes then moved closer to her to whisper. “Heatwave’s still here, by the way. He’s agreed to be their point person.”

Caitlin tensed and frowned. “As long as he’s agreed not to kidnap anybody while he’s here.”

“He has.” Cisco nodded. “Just wanted you to know. If you aren’t okay with it, I’ll tell him to go find somewhere else to be point.”

“Thank you. Though I think with everything we went through in the past year, his kidnapping both of us is not the thing that’s going to wake me up at night.” Caitlin wrinkled her nose.

Cisco sighed. “I know, right? I try not to think about Dr. Wells.”

Caitlin nodded. “Out of curiosity, what is our resident arsonist doing now?”

“Testing his heat gun in the pipeline. I have him on visuals. Which by the way, Scofield was able to recommend new places to put them where they’d be all but invisible and still able to capture everything.”

Caitlin shook her head. “He’s interesting, isn’t he?”

“Interesting is one word for him,” Cisco agreed.

Caitlin spun around at the note in his voice. “Do you think he’s lying about his brother not having done it?”

Cisco shook his head. “I think he believes it and I think Burrows definitely believes it.” A grin broke out on Cisco’s face. “Heatwave gave them nicknames, and they’re actually pretty good.”

Caitlin sighed. “Do I even want to know?”

Cisco nodded. “Tattoo for Scofield. Prez for Burrows.”

Caitlin gaped. “He didn’t!”

“Burrows apparently likes it.”

Caitlin shook her head, glanced at Cisco, and began chuckling. “I think I will take you up on that lollypop.”

--

The three of them had swung by a bodega to grab snacks before the ride. Lisa insisted on doing it at a given place, and insisted they respond to her as if they were Len and Mick. They went in, got a nod from the kid behind the register, selected their snacks, and paid for them. The kid all but hummed with glee.

“What your problem?” Linc asked.

Kid held up his hands, flashing Lisa and Len a terrified look. “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean nothing by it. It’s just business goes up when you pull a job and I just want to say good luck,” the kid stammered out.

“Thanks, kid,” said Linc.

“Come on, Mick,” Lisa said. “Don’t wanna miss Lenny’s timeframe.”

Linc stepped back. “See you around, kid.”

Michael decided not to open his mouth and just inclined his head with a smirk, as he had seen Len do.

Once they got outside, Lisa said, “Why are you trying to learn my brother’s mannerisms, out of curiosity?��

“It could be useful,” Michael answered.

“Well, I guess you’re getting better at them. Slowly.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Point taken,” Michael conceded.

“You aren’t to do them without letting me or my brother know,” Lisa said. “If we find out you’ve been mimicking him without our permission in any way he might not want you to, he will find you.”

“Got it.” Michael nodded.

“Okay. If everyone has their snacks, let’s go get on the road.”

They got into the truck, Michael sitting next to her, Linc behind Michael along an area that didn’t quite qualify as a seat but was large enough to put someone if they held their legs up. Linc put his legs on the seat next to him and Lisa climbed in the driver’s seat. “We good to go?” she said and pulled out of the spot and onto the highway.

Two hours and a Meatloaf album later, Lisa pulled into a truck stop just off I-29. “Alright, boys. Get out and stretch your legs. Lenny,” she nodded at Michael, “You come with me.”

Michael nodded, sliding out of the car of the truck. They walked into the rest stop.

Michael saw the flyer with their pictures on it and started to tense up. “Lisa, they’ve got pictures.”

Lisa grabbed his upper arm and dug her nails in. “Don’t you dare get nervous, Lenny. There’s no need to and it’ll just attract attention. Now go get me a coffee. If anyone asks if they know you, you just drawl ‘no, ma’am, just a trucker on the road with my sister.’ Understood?”

He nodded, feeling her finger dig deeper. She let go and walked up to the counter. “Hi there. How are you today?” he heard her say in a deep drawl. “Was wondering if we might use your bathroom? We been on the road a while, my brother and me. Going up to North Dakota to drop off a delivery. And gosh, I can’t wait to get there so I can rest my feet and shower.”

Michael went to go find the coffee machine and get Lisa a coffee.

“You a trucker?”

“Yes, sir. Originally from Nashville, but we’re going to be staying with a friend up there, picking up our next delivery and driving it back.”

“You and your brother both truckers?”

“Yes, sir. Our daddy’s got himself arrested, and Lenny, he been raising me ever.”

“Well, good luck with the rest of the drive. Here’s the keys to the rest room.”

“Thank you kindly,” Lisa said, taking the keys.

She walked them over to Michael. “You got my coffee?”

“Yes,” he nodded.

“Okay. Here’re the keys. Go do your business. Then get two more coffees however you typically like them. I’ll be outside filling up the truck.”

He nodded at her, went into the bathroom. Outside he could hear her saying, “Gave my brother the keys. Just the coffee and gas for now. Though he may want some other stuff.” There was the sound of a register then of a door opening and closing. He came back out and prepared a cup of coffee for Linc and one for him and came up to the register to pay.

“You’re that nice sweetheart’s brother?” the older man behind the register said.

Michael tipped his head and took a deep breath. “Yes. She’s my younger sister.”

The cashier leaned over to him so that he was all but staring down Michael’s face. The man glared. Michael felt his heart stop, certain he had been identified. The cashier, however, said to him in hushed tones, “What kinda life is it to take your kid sister out on the road with you?”

“She wanted to, and it’s never been my place to stand in her way. Besides, she drives better than me.”

The man kept studying him then pulled back, a frown on his face saying what he thought of that. “Well, you take care of her, you hear?”

“Yes, sir. I always have,” Michael tipped his head again, thinking about how Linc had always kept an eye on him while he was growing up and that was before the money which had gotten them into this mess in the first place.

“She already bought coffee,” the cashier commented when he reached into his pocket for money.

Michael stopped with his hand on his pocket, mind working out how to make it seem like he did not know. “Did she? Shoot. Yes, I must have forgotten. Well, I already poured it. I’ll buy it anyway.”

The cashier laughed. “Eh, just take it. On the house, young man.”

“Thank you, sir,” Michael took both cups of coffee and went back to the truck.

Lisa was standing there with Linc, who was holding the gas. She nodded at Linc and said, “Back in the cab with you, Mick. Still back seat.” She nodded at Michael. “Lenny, you got the gas.”

Linc climbed into the cab. Michael grabbed the gas lever and filled it up the rest of the way. Lisa sipped her coffee, leaned against the door of the cab. “Alright. Into the truck with you.”

Michael nodded and climbed back into the truck. Lisa went to go pay.

“What is this?” Linc said.

Michael said, “When she gets back we’ll ask, but I think it’s working. The man in there didn’t recognize me at all.”

Linc nodded. “You sure?”

Michael nodded.

“Huh,” Linc replied.

Lisa came back out and climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled onto the I-29 again. There were fewer cars on the road, one or two a ways back and a couple motorcycles. “What was the meaning of that back there?” Linc asked.

“It convinced that cashier back there that me and my brother are truckers heading all the way up to North Dakota on I-29 where we will stay with a friend and pick up another delivery and drive it to where it needs to go, which is not Utah. However, keep an eye out for signs saying I-80, which goes all the way to Utah.”

Michael nodded. “So misdirection then?”

Lisa inclined her head. “Also, any mention of siblings will call up trucker siblings, not the two of you. So he won’t report us.”

Linc laughed. “How many times have you had to do this?”

Lisa smirked at him. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Hey I was involved with criminal stuff before this whole mess with the President’s brother started.”

Lisa gave him a pitying look. “You weren’t a very good criminal then.”

Michael tipped his head.

Linc gestured at him. “And now you’re turning my brother into a criminal.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Do you want to get to Utah and then to wherever you’re going or not?”

Michael pointed. “I-80.”

Lisa looked up. “Ahh, okay, off to the right then.”

She took the exit then reached over to a bag she had. “Now, I have a spare change of clothes. I would like both of you to change into them. When we get off next stop, you will be my brother,” she gestured at Linc, “And you will be his friend from college,” she gestured at Michael. “You attended community college in the state of Missouri. I am attending the same college now.”

Linc changed first into a zip-front red over-shirt and jeans. Then he and Michael changed places and Michael changed into a black turtleneck, which among other things made him look a look more like Len. “You look like Snart,” Linc commented.

Michael turned to Lisa, who shrugged. “Well, where do you think I got those clothes?”

Linc looked down at the over-shirt, a red job with four C’s on it. “Mick wears college shirts?”

Lisa shook her head. “No, we got him that for a job.”

Linc nodded and sat back. Lisa pulled off to the right first truck stop she saw. She took out a small bag and backed into a spot facing the woods. “Why are we stopping again?”

“License plate trick. Watch,” Lisa answered, pulled off her trucker uniform and got out of the truck. A couple minutes later she got back into the driver’s seat and handed Michael the bag. “Our old license plate. Store it somewhere out of sight.” Michael nodded and put it under the seat.

Once he had, she pulled back onto the highway. “Now there’s twelve hours on this road, so let me know if either of you have to use the bathroom or anything. Otherwise, we are driving through. You’re welcome to try to get some sleep.”

Linc had to admire her ability to drive straight through, provided someone kept her fueled with coffee. He looked at the cars and trucks following them, wondering which of them was Company and when they would eventually catch them in this cat and mouse game with two mice, an uncertain number of cats, and rats at every turn. He trusted Michael, and Lisa was doing her best, but it was only a matter of time until somebody slipped up, or didn’t believe them, then they were screwed. Plus, Michael should not have even been involved in this in the first place. He had done what he had done to keep Michael out of this life, put him through school, kept his record clean so he could get a job in a top architecture firm or whatever it was Michael did, and then he got himself arrested to get Linc out of trouble. Out of the corner of his eye just then in the rearview mirror when they came to the top of a rolling hill and could see miles back along the highway, he could have sworn he saw a glimpse of a lone motorcycle. He found that helped a lot.

Towards 2am, Linc stopped at a rest stop out somewhere in Wyoming and gave Linc, back on duty after he had slept, a smile. “Can you drive a little?”

“Yeah, not a problem,” he said.

“Great.” She slipped into the passenger seat and he slid into the driver’s seat. “Wake me when we get to Evanston.”

Michael woke up shortly after that and kept Linc company until then. They pulled into a rest stop just outside Evanston just after dawn. All three climbed out bleary eyed and Lisa went in to get coffee with Linc. “I need to use the rest room,” she commented once they got halfway across the store, nodding at the register. His eyes fell across the Fox River Eight poster stapled to the desk.

She walked closer to the register, turning to him as soon as they were in front of it and holding out an accusatory pointer finger. “You get coffee. And if you get the same shit as last time, I will kick your ass from here to Nana’s and she’ll kick it back. You know she will. You know how I like it. You’d better at least: you haven’t been out of the house that long. Just remember: no surprises, no sweet shit. And fix your roomie’s yourself. I don’t know how he likes it.” She turned back to the cashier who was chuckling at Linc’s dismay, but otherwise didn’t look up from whatever he was so fascinated with. “My brother here will get three coffees. And he’ll pay for it and the truck at pump five, which his roommate’s out filling up. If he tries to bring up sweet shit in mine, toss it at him.”

The cashier handed over the keys without looking up from the tv. “Here’s keys, first door on your left.”

She walked into the back.

“Where’s the coffee?” Linc asked.

The cashier nodded at a machine.

“You don’t got any sweet shit, do you? I try to give her mocha one time…”

“Nope.”

“Good.”

Linc prepped the coffees and walked up to the register with them and a couple breakfast bars. “Hey.”

“Hey,” said the cashier, still not looking up from his tv.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Eh. You the truck at pump five?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait till your friend is done. I’ll let you know when.” The cashier tapped his tv. Linc stared at him, but the man didn’t look up from whatever program he was watching, so Linc went to browse junk food, allowing him to put an aisle between him and the cashier and poster. The cashier continued, “You hear about the escaped prisoners?”

Linc froze. “Yeah, what about them?”

The cashier shrugged. “They say there’s a bounty on their heads. $100k each and $300k for Burrows.”

“Really? They got any idea where they are?”

The cashier looked up from the tv and grinned at Linc. “Nope.” Linc froze, but there was no recognition on the guy’s face.

Linc shrugged at the cashier, who still had the grin on his face. “Hopefully they find them soon. Although that’s unfortunate for anybody who looks like them.”

The cashier nodded. “Yeah. Tell your friend out there to be careful. You be careful too.”

Linc walked up to the cashier. “You think I’m him?” He tapped the mug shots that were hanging up alongside the register.

The cashier shrugged. “Hey, I’m an ex-offender myself. I’m sure as hell not reporting anybody. Don’t want to go through that again. And I can tell you are too.” Linc started to tense up to run. “But you don’t seem the type to do political assassinations. So nope, don’t think you’re him.”

“Thanks, man.”

The man tapped the screen. “Your friend’s done filling her up.”

“Yeah? How much I owe you?”

“Fifty for the gas. Plus the coffees, fifty three.”

Linc handed over sixty.

The man handed back seven. “Keep safe, you hear?”

Linc nodded. “Will do.”

When they were back in the truck, Lisa driving, Michael sitting passenger seat, she shook her head. “Guy would have pegged you in a second.”

“How do you know?”

“The way he was staring at Michael on the cameras.”

“But you got him not to?” Michael asked.

“That was all Linc. The way you responded to me telling you I’d kick your ass wasn’t in the realm of someone he could see murdering the President’s brother.” Linc and Michael nodded.

“Thanks,” Linc said.

“You learn these things when travelling around with Lenny and Mick.”

A few minutes later, she turned off into another truck stop without a rest stop, and backed in again. “Okay. Change back into the UPS uniforms. Then, Michael, I want you to go change the license plate.”

They did, and she pulled back onto the road, and entered Utah. They passed through Salt Lake City. Then Lisa told Linc to switch places with her. She got into regular clothes with a four C’s t-shirt and had Michael get into a school team shirt. She told Linc to stay in the trucker uniform.

And into Tooele, Utah the truck drove.