#i want to explain it all so bad but also I don't want to put that dirty laundry out there. So it shall be a story that my irls know
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𝐁𝐎𝐎!
results based on this poll. headcanons of the jjk men scaring you and how you react. fem!reader x male jjk characters. warnings: just mediocre writing and bad spelling and grammar errors, please ignore. wc: 1.5k. comments, reblogs and likes are appreciated
★𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔
this man was a menace. he would find any possible way to annoy you ,just to please himself. tickling you when you least expect it, tripping you on the floor and then catching you, making fun of you when you stutter... all for his amusement.
but today... today was different. he wanted to try a new method. something he's never done to you intentionally.
the setting was perfect. it was a nice normal day, you were doing the laundry and he was left in the living room alone watching television. he was getting bored and he was missing you dearly, and then it came to his mind.
he silently walked over to where you were where you were unloading the now clean laundry into the laundry basket looking so focused he thought it was cute.
he tiptoed behind you and when you get up, his smile growing wider and then "BOO!!", he shouted getting a hold of your waist.
You shrieked loudly and he laughed loudly, tears now brimming his eyes. " WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?", you shouted at him you hand now on your fast beating heart.
"nothing. i just missed you"
★𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔
your geto was nothing but a chill person to hang around with. you enjoyed the silent moments you shared and the meaningful convos you shared. but that didn't mean that he didn't have his moments of stupidity.
he had this thing where he liked to put you on edge just because. you never understood why he did this and today was no different.
you were walking around his estate when suddenly you heard some kids screaming outside. you quickly ran outside to find suguru standing and looking at the sky.
"oh hey baby. what are you doing outside?", he asked smiling at you upon noticing your presence. you looked up and saw mimiko and nanako screaming with joy on top of one of suguru's curses... high up in the sky.
" GET THEM DOWN NOW!!", he chuckled at that
"don't worry. they're enjoying themselves", he said looking up at them both.
"GET THEM DOWN NOW SUGURU!!"
"alright", he said and the curse came down with the two girls on it laughing and giggling. you ran up to them and hugged them.
"don't go on that thing again, do you hear me?"
"but it's fun-"
"NO! let's go inside. i'll deal with YOU later", maybe scaring you wasn't such a good idea.
★𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎
he was relatively knew to relationships and so he desperately needed advice. and should he go to if not his trusted younger brother yuuji.
which was always a horrible mistake. because he himself got dating advice from teen magazines and not from actual experience so the things choso did for you were not ordinary but you thought that the fact that he was thinking about you was cute in it's own way.
one day, you were washing the dishes while choso was in the living room chatting with his brothers. he was asking yuuji again how he can be more affectionate towards you. he finally got his answer and wanted to test it out, so he went to you heart pounding in his chest as he watched you focused on the dishes and humming a tune.
" just hug her from the back. girls like that", he recollected yuuji's words and he took in a deep breathe. he was walking towards you silently and then suddenly wrapped his arms around your waist.
you gasped and dropped the fork which also startled him and he quickly let go.
"you startled me cho", you said smiling and he looked down blushing.
" i didn't mean to. i just wanted to give you a back hug because i thought you'd like it", he explained and your heart clenched at how thoughtful he was.
"it's alright cho. just make sure make some noise or else you'll startles me again"you said and hugged him and he hugged you back. " and stop listening to yuuji so much. his case is just as bad as yours
★𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎
you were always fascinated by the toji's job which was weird to him. normally, people would be afraid, but once he revealed to you what he truly does for a living, you seemed to be a lot more interested.
and with that interest, you wanted to know how exactly he does it. how does he handle his victims. does he torture then before he kills them or does he just go straight to the point? you needed to know. and that led to you constantly bombarding him with questions upon questions, but he didn't want to answer you.
for the longest time, he has ignored your constant nagging but today, it has reached it's peak. the breaking point.
" please"
"no"
"please"
"no princess. i've told you before. i'm not telling you"
"pretty please~", you whined longer tugging onto his arm repeatedly and he cracked.
" fine do you wanna know", you nodded quickly and he sighed.
"one time, i ripped out this guys arm off and then shot him 67 times. another time, i tied the guy to a chair then chopped off his fingers one by one just to get information from him. turns out he was the wrong guy", he chuckled. " another one-"
"no...enough", you placed your hand over his mouth and he looked at you with a raised eyebrow. you felt your stomach sinking deeper
"what's the matter? I thought you wanted to know", he smirked after he took your hand away from his face.
"not anymore", you said now sitting with your legs together.
"be careful of what you ask for next time princess..."
★𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎
nanami's job was quite demanding and that was why he would always come home late almost every night without fail. the latest he ever came home was around 11pm and he would always find you waiting for him with a meal already prepared and you kept him company until his last mouthful just to spend the time you missed with him.
he always tried his best to come back home early but he almost always has to work early. you both hated it but he had to work for the both of you...so that he can retire early and spend the rest of his days with you.
but today, he was getting late... extremely late. you called him countless times and he didn't answer any of your calls. you sent a bunch of text messages asking for his whereabouts but none of them were answered, even read.
you were starting to get very worried. it was almost 1am, you were extremely tired as it is but you had to wait for him. terrible thoughts invaded your mind. what if he had gotten into something serious? your mind circled around many awful scenarios of him and then just the, the front door opened.
"honey i'm home...", he said in a tired voice and you quickly ran over to him and gave him a big hug. " sweetie, i missed you too"
"where were you?", you asked now a little worried.
"i'm sorry dear. i was held up at work and i couldn't come any earlier", he said caressing your face.
" why didn't you answer my calls or my texts? "
"my phone died"
"don't do that ever again!", you said and hugged him again.
" i wont honey. i'll take a day off just for you and we can do whatever you want", you hugged him tighter and he caressed your back.
"as long as we get to be together, I don't care what we do"
★𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍
for someone who was so big, sukuna was a quiet man- or uh-curse. you would barely notice him walking around and he scared you many times because of this. he had no reason to be so quiet and he would always look at you funny whenever you get scared.
but on this day, he had reached a whole new level. you were in his chambers, on his bed specifically, as you cuddled each other enjoying the silence.
your one hand was caressing his abs while his lower arms held you closer and the others played with your hair. everything was alright until you felt something wet and slimy on your hand, the same hand that was on his stomach. you looked and there you saw it, a large tongue protruding out of his stomach and was licking your hand.
"WHAT IS THAT?", you quickly withdrew your hand from him and he clicked his tongue.
" what's your problem? never seen a tongue before?"
"not coming out of a stomach!", you said and he narrowed his eyes at you
" you're so dramatic", he said sitting up and then out of nowhere licked your entire face with his stomach tongue and you shrieked. "relax woman", he said wiping your face with his hand and then the palm of his hand licked your cheek and before you knew it you were out. he chuckled and just held you closer.
"such a weakling..."
story belongs to @choso-is-bbg. characters belong to gege akutami
#gojo satoru#geto suguru#choso kamo#toji fushiguro#nanami kento#sukuna ryomen#gojo fluff#geto fluff#choso fluff#toji fluff#nanami fluff#sukuna fluff#gojo headcanons#suguru headcanons#choso headcanons#toji headcanons#nanami headcanons#sukuna headcanons#gojo x reader#geto x reader#choso x reader#toji x reader#nanami x reader#sukuna x reader#jjk headcanons#jjk fluff#self insert#fem reader#jjk x reader#reader insert
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The Place You Found Me || Rafe Cameron
best!friend!reader X soft!rafe
a/n: heyyyy. I hope you like this one. I love a good 'one character is injured and the other comforts them" story. I also love writing Rafe's emotional side and him being an emotionally intelligent man so this was born. Hope ya'll are having a great holiday season!!
word count: ~3.8k (a longer one)
warnings/disclaimers: angst, fluff, brief mentions of violence, daddy issues, ward mentioned, mental health, mentions of self-harm, unhealthy coping mechanisms
summary: When a heated argument with Ward spirals out of control, Rafe vanishes without a word, leaving everyone—including his childhood best friend—in the dark. As the only person who truly knows Rafe’s complex, troubled soul, Reader immediately senses something is deeply wrong. Determined to uncover the truth, they embark on a search, while wrestling with their own fears and emotions. Will their unyielding bond be enough to bring Rafe back, or has he finally reached the breaking point that sends him beyond their reach?
masterlist
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READER POV:
Rafe has been missing for days – three, to be exact. Everyone has been telling me that he will show back up eventually because ‘he always does this.’ However, to me, this time feels different than the others… like the dam finally broke.
It was another fight between Rafe and his father, Ward, that caused his disappearance. It must have been particularly bad this time because Ward is looking about as good as a boxer after a fight. He had a cut on his eyebrow and a bruised cheekbone, as well as bloodied knuckles that lead me to believe Rafe will have wounds that will mirror his own. The most sickening part of this is the smile on Ward's face. He is playing the part of a concerned father very poorly. I've been privy to many altercations between the father and son over the years and this is Ward's response every time. He pretends like nothing happened, like Rafe isn't falling apart in front of him, like it isn't his fault. It breaks my heart every time because I can see how broken he is but it seems like no one else can. It might be because they don't want to so that their precious reputation can remain unmarred.
I know more about the behind-the-scenes dealings of the Cameron’s because of my friendship with Rafe. It is one of the most bizarre aspects of my life because I don't even know how to explain how it happened. All I know is one day we bumped into each other at an event put on by the Cameron's for some charity or holiday. From then on, we were inseparable. Wherever I was, Rafe was not far behind. People always speculated about what we were to each other, but we never labeled it. We just knew that no one knew us like we knew each other. However, recently I have been feeling more...intense feelings toward him. I tried ignoring them for the sake of our friendship, but I definitely failed. I know that because of how my heart feels like it's being squeezed to the point of exploding. Rafe is not a stranger to reckless behavior, and I am terrified to figure out what drastic measures he might have taken after the fight. If anything happened to him, I don't know what I would do. What if he-
No, I can't think like that. He wouldn't do that to me...he couldn't. As this thought crosses my mind, a tear slips from my eye. I quickly wiped the evidence away from my cheek and head into the Cameron's house. I run into Sarah on my way to Rafe’s room. Ever since he vanished, I had made a daily routine of going to his room to try and figure out where he could have gone. I also have been going in there because I miss him desperately. I have never missed anyone this much and I don't know how to deal with it so I just sit. I sit in his room to be close to him but also in the hope that he'll show up eventually like he usually does.
“Hey, how are you holding up?” Sarah questions as we pass each other in the foyer. She looks like she has gotten about as much sleep as I have, which is none. She doesn’t like to admit it, but she really does love him and this is tearing her up inside.
“I’m okay.” I lie unconvincingly. “Ugh, no I’m not. I’m actually really scared for him. I don’t like not knowing where he is or what trouble he’s gotten himself into. I mean you know how reckless he is when his emotions are high. I-I just want him to be back here with us…me.” I finish my tangent and try to calm myself down. I can’t let my emotions get the better of me, especially not now.
She sighs and gives me a hug which I reciprocate immediately. “I know…it will be okay, alright?” She pulls back and looks me in the eyes. I can see her sincerity and it makes me relax, if only a little.
“Thank you, Sarah. I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re a really good friend and sister.” I smile but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “I’m going to look for him at a few places that seem promising later if you want to join.” I offer.
She shakes her head. “No, it should be you. I know we’re siblings but my bond with him couldn’t even hold a candle to yours. He’ll respond better to you.” She says matter-of-factly. The fact that she feels this way makes me feel slightly guilty. I don’t want to make her feel like I am more important to him than she is.
“Are you sure?” I ask with a slight frown.
“Yes, absolutely! I just want him back and you are our best chance of that happening.” She states. She opens her mouth again as if she was going to continue speaking but shuts it after she thinks for a moment. It was as if she was unsure if she should say whatever it was that almost came out of her mouth.
I look at her with questioning eyes. “What were you going to say?”
She looks conflicted but eventually speaks. “I can’t give you the answer you want because what I was going to say should come from Rafe. All I will say is that you know he loves you, right? Like more than I have ever seen him love anyone, even our father which is a difficult thing to accomplish.” She stops speaking when she realizes that she was rambling. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Go find him for us, yeah?” She finishes and walks out of the house and toward her car.
Her words hit me hard because I know he loves me and that's why this hurts so much. He loves me but isn't in love with me, though, that doesn't matter right now.
I need to find him and soon.
I open the door to his room and find myself sitting at the foot of his bed. I pull my knees into my chest and lean my head back on to the bedspread. I sit there for a while just observing the contents of the room that are the same as they were yesterday and the day before that. His room is clean which is unexpected given the jumbled-up mess I know his mind was in before he left. There is a bulletin board with important notes and pictures, a lot of them are either from me or I am in. This realization brings a genuine smile to my face and it's the first one I've had in days. Most people assume Rafe Cameron doesn't have a sentimental bone in his body, but he does. I've seen it first-hand but the others in Kildare never even give him a chance to show them how kind he can be. They paint him as this uncontrollable, cold monster but that's just not him.
After a while, I leave Tannyhill to go to the first location on my list. There's an overlook on the island that is usually avoided by the town’s residents because there is no railing to prevent people from falling. Rafe, however, loves it because of that fact. He likes the adrenaline of standing close to the edge and it terrifies me every time we go there but I go for him. When I get there I find it to be lacking his presence and head to the next spot on my list.
✦ ✦ ✦ ✦
After hours of running around to places all over Kildare. I finally reached the last place on my list. I'm starting to lose hope of ever finding him and I hate that feeling. The feeling of never seeing somebody you care about again and there's nothing you can do to fix it.
As I approached my last chance of finding him, I pause to take it in. The building I am met with used to be a greenhouse but has long since been abandoned. Half of the roof is sunken in and the plants that were housed inside are now overgrown. Vines and grass cover most of the exterior giving the illusion of a jungle. I eventually made my way to the entrance, maneuvering under the vines growing over the front doors. Once I am inside, the darkness overwhelms me and I wait for my eyes to adjust.
Once they do, I see tables with potted plants sprawled out across them and an amount of dust that can only come with time. Eventually, in the corner of my eye, I see him... sitting against the wall across the room.
“Rafe!” I gasp quietly.
I run to his side and see the extent of his injuries immediately. He has a black eye, a busted lip, and bruised knuckles. None of it looks life threatening which puts some of my fears to rest but not all of them.
“Rafe? Hey, it’s me. Can you look at me?” I ask gently.
He looks up at me and I almost break down in tears at the brokenness I find in his eyes. He looks like he has given up and that is tearing me up inside.
“Hey…” He says softly. “You found me.”
“Yeah, I did. I know you like it here. The whole ‘beauty of destruction’ thing…how could I forget?” I say sadly.
He smiles weakly. “I knew you would find me eventually. You know me better than anyone.” He moves to face me and winces slightly due to his wounds.
“I hate that you have to see me like this…” He trails off and looks away from me like he should be embarrassed over something that Ward did.
“You shouldn’t even be hurt. This is all your dad’s fault just like it always is.” I stop when I realize that I am getting worked up over something that is not important in this moment. “Sorry, I shouldn’t say that.” I apologize to Rafe. The apology is unnecessary though because he isn’t exactly unaware of my disdain for his father. Ever since I learned about the way Ward treats him, looking at him at him made me feel sick to my stomach.
He looks at me fondly and takes my hand in his. “It’s okay…I know you don’t like him. I’m not even sure I like him most days but he’s my father, ya know?”
He absent-mindedly rubs circles on my palm with his thumb while I attempt to formulate a response.
“I know he is…I just can’t stand to see you hurting, Rafe.” I say as a tear slips down my cheek. I have been trying to keep my emotions in check these past few days but I am not sure how much longer I can keep it up.
“Hey, don’t cry. I’m okay, I promise.” He says softly as he wipes the tear from my cheek as he cups my face and makes me look at him.
I look into his eyes as more tears escape mine. “I know you are…this time. But what if you aren’t next time? I can’t do this without you, Rafe. I can’t.”
He pulls me into a hug that I can tell was needed by both of us. I needed it to prove to me that he is really here in this moment, and he needed it to keep him tethered to reality.
“You won’t have to. I promise that I am never going to leave you, okay?”
I nod into his shoulder as my face is currently buried in the crook of his neck. Something about today, this moment with Rafe, feels different. The air around us feels more charged than usual and I am scared to do anything as if moving will ruin it.
“I really missed you the past few days…a lot.” I say into his shoulder as I take a deep breath to calm myself after the stress of the days prior.
“I missed you too, sweetheart.” He sighs as he says this. “I wanted to come back but every time I thought about going back and facing my dad made it impossible to. I wanted to tell you that I was okay, but I didn’t want my dad to find me this time. I-I needed to just get away from it all. Before I knew it, it had been three days, and I realized that I needed to come back. That I had to come back for you at the very least.” He looked into my eyes then and my heart stopped beating.
The way he said those words and the way he is currently looking at me right now makes my breath hitch. His gaze is not his usual friendly one but one that holds something deeper. It makes me question if he feels for me even a little of what I feel for him.
“Rafe…” I whisper breathlessly as I don’t trust my voice to not shake if I were to speak with more force.
I don’t even know what I planned to say when his name came out of my mouth. Was I going to say something profound that would help him move on from this disastrous situation we were currently in? Or was I going to be stupid and just blurt out the fact that I loved him, that I was in love with him. Knowing me it was most likely going to be the latter.
The thought of confessing to him was absolutely terrifying but what is equally, if not more, terrifying is loving someone and never getting to tell them that fact. When he disappeared three days ago, I was sure he was going to come back. What the people in town were telling me was not far from the truth. He always came back. Then one day turned into two and two turned into three. I was so scared that three days was going to turn into some ridiculously high number and that high number would turn into forever.
I thought I wasn’t going to see him again and the part that broke me the most was the fact that I hadn’t told him how I felt…how I feel still. This whole experience has made me realize that life is too short to lie to myself about my feelings or be afraid of them not being reciprocated. Yes, there was a chance that he wouldn’t feel the same way, but I would rather take that chance than never get to tell him how I feel. I owe it to myself and Rafe to be honest. I would rather live with rejection than live with never knowing his true feelings towards me. In this moment, I decide to tell Rafe how I feel, and I am terrified.
“Rafe, I need to tell you something. I need you to listen and not say anything until I am finished, okay? I need to get this out and I don’t know if I can if you stop me.” I speak quickly as my nerves start to pick up.
He looks at with a concerned expression but agrees to what I asked of him.
“Okay…” I exhale the breath I didn’t realize that I was holding and prepare to tell him all that I have wanted to tell him for the past few months. I move my hand to the side of his face, a whisper of a touch grazing his face. I then pull my hand away to speak.
“Um, okay. To begin, I was so afraid that I had lost you the past couple of days. I know I already told you this, but I really want to emphasize that fact because I need you to understand how hopeless I have felt without you. I mean you told me about how you’ve struggled with your mental health over the years and about the fact that you are impulsive to a fault.” I stop for a moment to take a breath before continuing.
The next sentence comes out in a whisper as if saying it out loud would make it true. “I thought that…that maybe you had done something to yourself.”
“I know you wouldn’t do that to your family o-or me but I started thinking of every worst-case scenario since your fight with Ward. I know you do this when you get overwhelmed, but you usually text me within a few hours or at least by the next day. When you didn’t do that this time, I panicked. I knew it had to be different because you wouldn’t purposely leave me like that.” I reach up to caress the side of his face. I had to be as close to him as possible in this moment and I didn’t care if this action gave away the feelings that I have locked away for so long.
“Anyway, all of this has made me realize something. I have realized that life is short, and I have no idea what could happen or what tomorrow holds. I realized that I need to be honest with you about something that I haven’t even been completely honest with myself about until recently.” I take a deep breath and prepare to confess my feelings to him.
“What I’m trying to say, Rafe, is…I’m in love with you.” My voice comes out timidly and almost like I am unsure of myself. I don’t dare to look at him because I am afraid that I will be met with an expression of pity. I remove my hand from his face so that he can take in everything I had just told him. My hand is almost back at my side when he grabs it with his own and puts my hand back where it was a few moments ago. He leans into my touch and his tense muscles relax in a way that I haven’t seen in a long time.
I stop breathing
“Look at me.” He says this in such a gentle way that I almost pass out.
When I still don’t look at him, he puts his hand on my face in the same manner that my hand is on his face. I make eye contact with him and a shiver runs down my spine. The eyes that I am met with are not ones of pity, but ones filled with the most love that I have ever seen…and it’s for me.
“You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear you say that.” He breathes as his eyes well up with tears. “I have loved you ever since we first met. I didn’t know why or how it happened, but I always wanted to be around you. You were always on my mind, and it was the strangest feeling for me because I had never felt for anyone else what I do for you, sweetheart.” A tear slips down his cheek and I quickly wipe it away with my thumb.
“You quiet my mind and that is something I've strived so long for. My mind is always so loud and overwhelming but with you…” He pauses to kiss my palm. The heat of his touch lingering long after his lips leave my skin. “…with you I was finally able to just be. I was finally able to hear what really mattered.”
“I am so madly in love with you, baby. I was yours the moment I laid eyes on you, even if I hadn’t realized it yet.” I am completely dumbfounded by the words coming out of his mouth that I can’t even find my own to respond with.
“I am so sorry for leaving you without telling you where I was going. I never meant for it to go this far. I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn’t think straight. I promise that I will talk to you next time before doing anything. I don’t want you to feel like I abandoned you ever again. I am so proud of you for being honest with me, you know that? You are my reason to stay so as long as you are here, I will be too.” He finishes speaking and it sounds as if he is out of breath.
I am truly speechless. He loves me…he loves me? I never in a million years thought that Rafe could ever love me but here we are. I am still at a loss for words but luckily actions speak louder than the words I can’t seem to find.
I lean in and kiss Rafe in a gentle way to test the waters. Electricity shoots through me as he responds to my advances. The kiss was soft, tentative, and delicate. It deepened, not with urgency, but with a steady, quiet intensity—a sharing of something neither of us ever thought would be shared. Every sensation—the warmth of his skin, the faint tremor in his hands, the way our heartbeats seemed to sync—was magnified. When we finally parted, it was only by a fraction, our lips lingering close enough to feel the faintest brush of breath.
Our eyes met, and in that gaze, everything was laid bare. In this moment, I was more content than I ever have been in my entire life. It felt as if my whole future could be more than I ever thought it could be. As I looked into Rafe’s eyes, I saw a love that could never be broken, one that I wanted for so long.
Rafe loved me…he was in love with me, and I would never take that fact for granted.
“This is the best moment of my life,” I say, laughing and smiling at him. I could barely believe the events that had transpired in the past hour, but I knew I would remember them forever.
“Mine too.” He said this with such warmth that I could barely feel the cool air in the greenhouse anymore.
“Let’s get you back to your sister. She had been worried sick.” I say as I help him stand up from the floor.
“Has she now? I find that hard to believe.” He jokes as he slings an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him. He places a kiss on the top of my head.
“Shut up! You know she loves you… in her own way.” I giggle thinking about how Sarah loves to tease him. Despite this, Rafe and I know that she cares about him more than she lets on.
As we walk out of the greenhouse and to my car, I am filled with a hope that wasn’t there before. I am excited to see what the future holds for me and Rafe but right now? Right now was enough for me.
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#obx series#obx netflix#obx fanfiction#obx fic#rafe obx#obx#soft rafe cameron#sad rafe cameron#rafe cameron#fluff#angst#rafe x reader
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So... Unstable Universe Parrot. I've got thoughts I want to get off my chest about his character, so I'm here to ramble about it.
Parrot kind of drives me crazy. I know I'm not the only one upset by some of his choices throughout the series. But something kind of dawned on me that put the guy in a new light.
Spoilers ahead. Tldr at the end.
Parrot's regularly proven himself to be a hypocrite, what with telling Wemmbu off about how stealing is wrong and you shouldn't stoop to your enemy's levels, only to immediately turn around and talk about stealing from Reddoons the next video later BEFORE he even realized there was anything wrong with Red or Capitol City's way of business. Then there's the blatant killing off of Dean and Wifies' pets while arguing it's fine for him to have an allay just to make it super obvious that, yes, he is a hypocrite.
Then there's the entire mess with Wifies during their fight. They "broke up," sure. Parrot ran away despite Wifies begging him to come back and then later accused Wifies of being the one to leave. Wifies has since apologized profusely and no longer made any attempt to argue with Parrot on the matter of his own safety because he fears Parrot will leave again. Parrot has not yet apologized as of the time I am writing this. Wifies may have overstepped by burning the compass, but Parrot refused to hear him out on a very real concern that Parrot is throwing himself into danger, and Wifies just doesn't want to lose him. Considering Parrot's hero complex, as shown by repeatedly jumping into fights that aren't necessarily his with little to no regard for personal safety, this is a very real risk.
And, you know, also hypocritical on Parrot's behalf for refusing to listen when he himself has expressed one-sided concern for Wifies' well-being during the entire confrontation with Clown. A scenario where Parrot literally refused to let Wifies help despite Wifies wanting to because he did not want to risk Wifies safety.
I think Parrot was telling the truth. He doesn't understand.
And that, when I really thought about it with this last episode, is kind of fascinating. Even when Parrot has lived through an exact scenario beforehand where he felt the desire to keep someone he cared about safe, he refused to listen when the situation was reversed. In fact, Parrot said his usual "I don't understand" multiple times after Wifies burned the compass and explained he wanted to keep Parrot safe.
He doesn't understand, despite having been in a very similar situation before.
The more I thought about Parrot's actions throughout the entirety of Unstable Universe, the more I realize that Parrot doesn't seem to experience empathy. At all.
He feels sympathy. He feels bad for the people forced to mine for ores to line Capitol City's koffers. He feels bad for Wifies being chunk banned and missed him dearly because he does care about him. He felt bad for Dean's predicament with the mafia and took him under his wing. He has a strong sense of justice. He helps people. He knows what's wrong and fights for what is right. In fact, Parrot is an objectably good guy. But he can't put himself in someone elses place. And when he does end up in the other person's shoes, he can't handle it.
Just look at how freaked out he was over Clown saying they were a lot alike. Something that had a profound impact on one, possibly more videos. Let's ignore the moral high ground Parrot tried to scrape together at the end that was absolutely unjustified and focus on Parrot's actions after Clown said that for the moment. Even after getting Wifies back from the threat of Clown almost killing his friend, Parrot STILL wanted to go after Branzy again despite very clearly seeing what that kind of a hostage situation would lead to. Even after experiencing the same threat to a loved one that he was trying to hold over Clown's head, Parrot could not make the connection that Clown may feel the same. That history would just repeat itself.
Heck, he doesn't even care that he's planning on dragging into a war a bunch of innocents who had only been trying to escape the mafia when he went to the Farlands. Despite the fact that he had his own civilization already taken over by the mafia.
Parrot has his hero complex and acts narcissistic and hypocritical because he can not make the emotional connection between his own feelings and others.
I'm no psychologist, but he strikes me as someone with Empathy Deficiency Disorder. People with this disorder tend to criticize or blame others without understanding where they are coming from, don't take responsibility for their own actions, have little to no patience, rarely show any appreciation for others, and regularly put themselves first and foremost.
Sound familier?
You could probably consider someone like Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean as someone with something similar to this disorder. That or more of a narcissistic disorder, but those tend to go hand in hand.
I don't know if this was the content creator's intention as he wrote up his character, but it certainly helped me put Parrot's actions into perspective. It's really cool to think about watching a character go through the hero's journey without something as basic as empathy. While it's too early to tell, the only other character that might come close to such low empathy is Ash, who is literally the big bad. Then again, we see so little of Ash and his spoken word makes him an unreliable narrator regarding his own goings-ons. Not even Clown, who we've seen has plenty in common with Parrot. Clown experiences empathy, because he knew how upset Parrot would be if Wifies was threatened. Just as upset as Clown would be if Branzy was threatened.
Parrot has changed a lot as a character through the series, but his ability to empathize has remained static. I imagine at the true climax of the story whenever that may be that Parrot will somehow come to understand that other people can and do feel the same. And I'd like to say that will be a satisfying moment, but who knows what it might take to reach that point. A lot has been lost already.
(Tldr: I think Parrot's character has Empathy Deficiency Disorder and that's why he does the most frustrating, seemingly selfish things.)
#unstable universe#icy rambles#parrotx2#just a theory#just a thought#empathy Deficiency Disorder#character analysis
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I see what you're getting at, like, everything is nuanced, let's not generalize everyone who uses a specific approach to discussing stories, and so on, but, while I can't be sure of the anon's intentions, my intention with the post was to specifically talk about the refusal to engage with what is going on in the story, what has always been going on, and shutting down emotional reactions to it because they aren't analytical enough.
"Dismissing these kinds of fandom reactions only when they veer into the negative direction showcases the real motivation of the “it’s all just the writing” crowd. I need to dissociate from the show’s story in order to discuss why Marinette is still so beloved by the fandom, because I just can’t feel that way about her anymore. Similarly, the people dissociating from the story in order to explain why fans are disappointed and outraged by the story, can’t see anything worth getting upset about in the show."
I am talking about people who completely disengage from the idea that the show and its protagonist could be in the wrong. Of course there are people who still enjoy the show while feeling it needs some changes in its very makeup. But there are also people who refuse to see the problems as anything other "temporary bad writing", who think we just have to watch longer and the show will be good again.
I'm a writer myself. I have a master's degree in English literature. I know how to engage with writing in an analytical way, and have, in fact, done so over several of the things I also complain about. However, I'm also a member of the audience, and I watch and read stories to experience feelings. If a story fails to invoke specific feelings in me, it's failed as a story, same thing if I'd eaten food I didn't enjoy. I don't need to say "use this specific amount of these seasonings" to get that across, I can just say "there was too much ginger". Like, yeah, the former is more useful to the cook, but I'm not saying this stuff to the cook/writers, or even to the fans who say stuff like "Marinette is just a victim of bad writing and not wanting to see her own screen is wrong because of that". I'm saying this to the people reading my blog, who are also annoyed at seeing this stuff and want to vent.
Simply put, I am done with constantly excusing this show. New followers who are here only for my salt phase don't know this, but I used to defend this show so hard before the retool. I granted Marinette's character so much grace and good faith because I could see what the show was going for, only for the writers to increase those aspects of Marinette's character that I had to excuse in order to enjoy her on screen. This hasn't happened with any other character to this degree, except Chloé, who I was never that attached to, so I don't think it's hypocritical when I claim Marinette specifically has been made unenjoyable as a character, because I can't even watch past episodes with her, without seeing those character flaws that would later be glorified after the retool, because, as I said in the beginning, Marinette's character hasn't changed, the narrative around her character has.
Sure, I could write a hundred essays on how I think Miraculous' story could be more engaging, how it could more easily invoke the feelings I don't feel while watching it. But, at this point, what is the point? I don't feel like jumping through Marinette-shielding hoops again in order to engage in discussions with the fandom proper. I'm done with that. I feel like it doesn't matter how kindly or analytically anyone picks apart this show, because nothing is going to change. It's so hard to care about that kind of stuff anymore. I'm just tired, disappointed and angry and I'm dealing with it by ranting angrily. I'm pretty sure the same applies to my anons. There's a reason I call this blog a support group. It's tongue-in-cheek, but accurate. We're all just trying to cope in our own ways.
I get that alot of people go with the approach of "every Miraculous character is deeply screwed by the writers, so it's a writing problem" but at this point this feels like deflecting from the real problem
No shit stories and their characters are written by writers, but so many blogs I see now that go with that approach imo keep on dismissing the point of the problems people are pissed about because "well the characters aren't real, so I'm superior for saying it's the writers fault"
Guys, we KNOW they are fictional characters, you're not unique. But what is happening is that I get less and less out of the analysis posts from these blogs because they're beating around the damn bush especially when it comes to Marinette.
Yes, every character is screwed by the writing but Marinette has been retooled into the self-serving center of the universe who gets by though damn technicalities. This writing pattern is 2 disastrous seasons in, SHE IS THE PROBLEM.
You can try and sugarcoat that however you like by saying that Marinette is a fictional character so its the writers fault, but that doesn't change that Marinette's CHARACTER & WRITING is still the source of all the problems and that stories are being told to get emotional reactions. That's the entire purpose of a story.
No, I don't think people are doing it right by approaching all of Miraculous on a mere meta level. That's not how a story is supposed to be read. The meta level is an additional one on top of the emotional one, not the "rational way" to consume media.
And imo the analysis blogs I see around so much deliver less and less analysis posts I can do anything with. They are so caught up in explaining that the characters aren't to blame but the writers that they sideline why people are feeling the way they do.
There is this persistent dissonance in their posts about how apparently no amount of bad writing can change a character when that's just... objectively incorrect. Marinette for example is SUPPOSED to be compassionate and a thoughtful hero and partner/ leader to Cat Noir. Marinette in Canon though by this point is straight up NOT anymore.
But in their posts it's basically said that if people say that, then that makes them irrational because on a meta level the execution and effect of the writing is apparently irrelevant. Distant meta is king and the only rational way to engage with this story.
And I just don't see the point in that.
The outcome and the emotional effect of the writing is what actually matters. Not the intention behind it (no wonder people are using that excuse to defend Marinette's character. It's another variant of "but she MEANT well"). If Marinette is by now a toxic and even abusive partner and leader to be suck with, then that's the fucking damage the writing did. And said damage is DONE. That's her character NOW. Talk about the theory behind it however you like, the character CONCEPT is not Canon compliant anymore, and nothing is gonna change that besides facing the deeply rooted damage that has been done, analysing those on an EMOTIONAL level so you can then course correct the CANON character through the necessary development into becoming what the character was initially supposed to be.
Call me a dick, but just saying "the characters aren't real" is not a productive way of going about this dumpster fire anymore.
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Another thing to take into account about the “it’s just bad writing” approach is that, like, it’s not like the way Marinette herself is being written has changed that much. What changed is how the narrative and other characters react to her and her behavior. Marinette has always been self-important, self-serving and self-obsessed, but these used to be treated as character flaws, signs of her immaturity and naivete she’d need to grow out of. Now we’re being told she’s flawless, actually, and has never done anything wrong ever and none of her mistakes were her fault.
Like, I’ve recently been familiarizing myself more with the “my dear diary” teen drama genre, and it really is more of a dramedy genre if anything. Most of these series will have a self-important, self-serving and self-obsessed protagonist and the entire narrative is filtered through their self-centered world-view, because we’re basically reading their diary where they vent about things that annoy or excite them. Now comes the kicker: the “comedy” of the dramedy comes from how comically over the top these protagonists are when they clearly and obviously misrepresent their lives and themselves to the audience. Miraculous is leaning very heavily into this downright selfish protagonist archetype, but actually wants you to agree with the protagonist when you can see, with your own eyes, because this is a different medium, that the world isn’t nearly as unfair to our protagonist as she claims.
Here’s another kicker: if you aren’t laughing at the joke or projecting yourself onto the protagonist, you’re most likely gonna hate the protagonist of most “my dear diary” books. They tend to be the most opinion-splitting characters in their own fandoms, with readers either loving them or outright despising them.
Dismissing these kinds of fandom reactions only when they veer into the negative direction showcases the real motivation of the “it’s all just the writing” crowd. I need to dissociate from the show’s story in order to discuss why Marinette is still so beloved by the fandom, because I just can’t feel that way about her anymore. Similarly, the people dissociating from the story in order to explain why fans are disappointed and outraged by the story, can’t see anything worth getting upset about in the show. They think it’s all okay. They’re not approaching the show purely logically, they are still emotionally invested, they still like the show. Of course the seemingly logical approach to fandom unrest seems to just be defending Marinette and the show, because it is.
It’s basically a way to retreat from the criticism. Like, the accusations of Marinette being a stalker used to be easily sidelined with “it’s just a joke you don’t like” until they made it a sign of canonical mental instability. It was a way to say: "this is a silly thing to be upset about". Now we’re sidelining the abuse apologia with “it’s just bad writing, that’s not what Marinette’s character is”. What these people are actually saying is: “she’s made up, so my made up version of Marinette in my head didn’t do that.” Like, when you have to deny canon exists, your analysis isn’t analysis anymore; it’s headcanons at the very least, completely made up at most.
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I think of so many stupid shenanigans between Wriothesley and his daughters in the Addison Lee verse. They tell Wriothesley crazy shit all the time, their daddy-daughter secrets, and it drives Neuvillette nuts that Wriothesley won't snitch.
Sigewinne, whispering into his ear: Today at school I punched a boy because he was being mean. I waited until it was recess, and made sure that no one was watching, and I punched him. Everyone knows he is a liar, so noooo one believed him when he cried about it. And Sigewinne is aaaalways a superstar so Mr Vautrin didn't suspect a thing !
Wriothesley, mildly concerned: Uh huh.
Sigewinne: Papa would say Sigewinne has to be nice to everyone, but, Sigewinne thinks bullies need to get punched sometimes, b'cos, b'cos otherwise, they think everyone is just gonna let them be mean
Wriothesley: Y'know what. That's fair
#They tend to play with him more than Neuvillette because he can match their energies#but Neuvillette usually is who they'd run to when they#need calmness and comfort#at night. when they're all asleep. Neuv would pin his husband down and be like. Tell me. Tell me the secrets.#and Wriothesley is like Noooooooo snitches get stitches Neuv#obviously if it's serious he'd let him know. but. if Carole comes up to him and is like daddy I secretly put a roach in Mr Vautrin's lunch#he'd be like. Did he think it was yummy?#and Carole is like aheeheeehee noooo don't be silly !! It was a prank and the roach was plastic so he can't eat it anyway#ingital#also vautrin teaches all 3 of their kids#for like. first grade#so he's basically a family friend at this point#I also have this stupid#scene in my head. the Swear Jar. I imagine like swear words in the Wriollette household is a hotly debated topic. because Daddy say it#aaaaaall the time. And Wriothesley doesn't believe in banning words. He explains it to the kids when they ask but he's like. You can be#just as hurtful. if not more. with words that are not considered 'bad'. You can still be mean without saying fuck. The point is to be nice#and daddy is nice isn't he. even if he says bad words sometimes.#but neuvillette is like No. No Bad Words. It is considered socially inappropriate for your age group. When you are older#you can decide if you want to use them. however. there are some rules in the classroom and I do not want you girls to get into trouble.#if you get into the habit of cursing like your dad. it'd be hard to keep away from them when you are in class. and bad words frighten papa#so. I ask that you ladies do not use them.#but like I don't think. they'd Punish the kids. the swear jar isn't even like. a punishment. it is a swear tax. every time you say bad word#you have to pay the swear tax. and whatever's in the jar gets taken out for ice cream or whatever to make papa feel better#[ this is how wriothesley explain it ]#and it leads to stuff like. The girls being considerate to Neuvillette firstly (he isn't actually all that bothered he's more scared#of the social repercussions for the girls. But they think he's Scared Of All Bad Words)#so they'd be like. papa cover your ears. I am going to say frightening words. FUCK YOU TIMMY. and then they pay their swear tax#and when Wriothesley curse in front of Neuvillette. the girls are like stop it. you will frighten papa. pay the swear tax NOW#we must acquire the icecream for papa. lest he gets so frightened he runs away forever. and wriothesley is like oh shit yeah that'd be bad#and theyre like DADDY. STOP IT
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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Controversial take but i watched all of jjk, in subbed, so it had my full attention 100% of the time, and i am of the opinion that it just fucking sucks.
So me and my wife were talking about it, and we were trying to figure out why people like it and we've come up short. I do not understand what's so appealing about this show for so many people. Can someone PLEASE tell me.
#yes the animation is phenominal and honestly i would have stopped watching after the first episode without it#MAPPA creates some beautiful art like just gorgeous#but the constant force-feeding of every minor character's backstory was hellish for me#had me rolling my eyes every time they did it (every three seconds)#the vast majority of characters are unlikable or bland or dead#often all of the above#choso is the only character i actively liked?? like i understand him i reallu do#i liked mahito? he's a freak so that's a given#i liked that one old guy with the weird still frames power#uhhh i like sukuna's weird obsession with ripoff sasuke#edit i member: i liked megumi he deserved better#oh i also REALLY liked nanamin or whatever his name was (it's been a while)#i think yuuji's suicide mission that he didn't think through is super interesting#alright heres my most controversial take of all#i don't care at ALL abt gojo. he's so mid there's like a million characters exactly like him#and he's UGLY why do people say he's attractive bro is UGLY A HELL#the intros are baller tho i sat through them every episode no skipping that shit#gorgeous animation as i'd expect from this studio#like! there's so many little drops of things that i liked about this show! which is why it pissed me off so much every time they did boring#ass exposition dumps on characters that are gonna die in five seconds. or worse-they are gonna live and continue to bore me to tears#and when i tell you i physically couldn't read the manga because of how fucking BORING it is#i got caught up and was like 'okay ill read the manga i kinda like what's currently happening n ive made it this far might as well keep goi#g' nah man i couldn't even read a whole chapter. jjk is king of exposition dumps#i do think the powers and how if you tell your opponent what it is it gets stronger is rad#and it drives me insane because i know they know how to drip-feed information about a character! and when they do that they do it SO WELL!!#but they just force feed you all this information the rest of the time like BRO ITS TOO MUCH SLOW DOWN AND JUST LET THE CHARACTERS DO THEIR#THING AND IT WILL BE MORE SATISFYING#anyways not tagging this because i don't wanna put hate in the main tags#just like. if you see this please explain to me what im missing PLEASE i want to like this show SO bad
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i'm still thinking about the conversation i witnessed last night :/
#didn't weigh in when it was happening because Brain and just witnessing it was enough to trigger Fear:tm: and fight/flight#lots of complicated feelings about it#all bad feelings#but just. sometimes you witness things that just annihilate your opinions of someone so fast#and i just. don't want to see or talk to her again.#which is a problem because she's tried to initiate a weird romance-flirtation thing over the course of three years.#which i initially reciprocated then gently started to discourage#(she was like ''no romance between us i don't want to do anything long distance'' proceeds to ask me to fly up to see her.#offers to pay for flights and have me stay with her. asks me out on a date (that i didn't know was a date until she kissed me)??)#and ahhhhh. i can't tell if it's still me coming down from it or if i genuinely feel Legitimately Unsafe or just. ableism-linked discomfort#like. i don't think she'd hurt me. maybe. but i also know that she will not examine why she has isolated and harmed two of her friends.#but this has also completely put into doubt the idea of her *not* causing harm? so i don't know anymore#she also said that one of the most harmful recent representations of my disorder was ''humanising'' :///#(which was immediately preceded by her calling it infantilising. :) )#and then did not listen when it was called out as Active Harm#and then! tried to compare it to a fucking kids film from thirty years ago! about capacity for influence!#and it's just. i'm so fucking tired of trying to correct her#because i am aware that i have a little more influence over her opinions because she has said that she wants me to think well of her#and i have witnessed it with her backtracking hard on things i've criticised even if she's just been supporting whatever was there#and like. i don't want to talk to her anymore. that's a solid thing. i just don't. but i don't want to not explain why?#because that doesn't allow capacity for change and growth and i don't think it's productive#for me at least? i'd prefer for her to know why#but also. she's a significant presence in our social circle and her brother is too#and i don't want to isolate him because he's great and i love him#but. how do you deal with that???#i don't even know.#i keep circling around it.
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Anyway.... Back to what I was pondering earlier today... It's been 4 months but I'm still as deeply obsessed with Exotic Creatures of the Deep as at the very start
#00s sparks albums save me#save me 00s sparks albums#the question of how it's been 4 months already aside#i have decided to name this album my official Mental Breakdown Album TM#so it's a good thing that it doesn't really bring me any unhappy associations. even though it could#because when i started listening to it in early march#it turned out to become one of my lowest periods in the mental well-being sense. like. ever.#it's gotten better though and later i discovered that whenever i got into that slump again#and nothing at all felt like an alluring thing to do and even most music couldn't cheer me up#i still felt like listening to ecotd at least#sometimes you get into specific albums or artists at the exact right moment and this was one of such times for sure#i have so many thoughts about this album but if i tried to write them down#it would probably all just be an illegible mess. one day i'll do it though. or at least try to#as for now i can at least say that the possibly most suffering-inducing (positive) songs for me are strange animal and likeable#i'll never forget the moment i first heard strange animal as part of the from the basement set#what a SONG!!! and that entire performance changed my brain chemistry forever#and. GODDDDDKJHKEFLJMKBELKPJ... LIKEABLE!!!#the connection i feel on some metaphysical level to that song the melody the instrumentation the lyrics#is way beyond what words can explain. or i'm just bad at putting these kind of things into words#it's soooo oooughhggahgh.....#also i don't know exactly how it happened#but i can't believe etc immediately became my most listened to song according to my last fm (which i made around then)#and it has stayed in that spot ever since#ok that's my sparks madness talk for today. i'll probably never be normal about them. not that i even want to#sparks am i right. goddddd#goosepost
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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I don't have much to say about Magne other than there was an Attempt, but. That time when Twice and Toga got angry with Overhaul for misgendering her was already indicative of what I'm going to get at in a sec, and obviously it was especially relevant because it was a direct show of respect and support from people who very clearly cared about her (and who called her big sis already as it was!!) (×2 imo because Twice was intentionally written to be the readers' insight into the LOV, and the character with whom they were supposed sympathise with the most at/since the beginning, so it's especially important that the first one who spoke up was him), but the story's progression (especially in recent years) is what most assures me that despite a rather poor execution (definitely not the best, but also certainly not the worst) Horikoshi did mean well with her. "People bound together by the chains of society always laugh at those who aren't" :(
#^ when she quotes her friend. like had the manga not gone on like it has that could have very well been a generic#We Live in a Society moment. but it wasn't. and that's what's comforting tbh#in general i think a big issue with magne from what little we know of her is that her reason for joining the lov was fighting back against#a tangibile real world issue (transphobia) vs all the other villains. whose situations Are partially real world issues as well#(eg child abuse) but they also very much present fantasy elements to them (eg toga's treatment due to her quirk)#and i'm not saying this as a justification for killing her off but. when you're writing a superhero comic with a target audience of young#cishet men it is much easier to present them with fantasy solutions to fantasy problems. again not that i think it's right!!!#but i do assume that horikoshi's thought process was more or less this. like. tiger is there alive and well#but he passes and was confirmed to be trans only via word of god so his identity has no bearing on the story itself#while magne's did. which doesn't make tiger's transness any less ''real'' than hers ofc but again i think it was a matter of what horikoshi#could actually deal with (fantasy problems) with the average readers that he has. it sucks all the way around.#which begs the question. ''why create her character in the first place then'' to which i answer: i don't fucking know man#bnha#animanga#mytext#in general. i've seen lots of people do this even with eg toga and her bisexuality (and when it comes to her i completely disagree but w/e)#but. authors who want to depic queer characters in good will but make mistakes or do it awkwardly or anything else#should Not be put on the same level as actively queerphobic authors. at all. do criticise what's worthy of constructive#criticism when you see it but don't even pretend that those two are remotely the same thing#(jic i didn't explain myself well bc i don't think that i did. what i wholly disagree with is that ''toga is a bad bi stereotype''.#i am bi people and i disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I guess it just feels like I'm stuck in a cage made entirely by my own thoughts. that sounds so dramatic but it does feel like that.
like, it's not just that I'm scared of things so everything is kind of hard. it's that there's many, many things I would like to do or at least try, but I can't make myself do them. not 'oh this is a bit difficult so I'm afraid to try', no, it's not. an option. there's no path from 'want to do this' to 'I'm doing this'. I can't convince myself to do it. there's no tricks or anything. my brain, the useless thing that I need to do literally everything, doesn't allow it.
#sometimes there's moments where I'm so impulsive that I can get past it by being so quick that there's no time to put up the walls#but even then. doing the thing feels like torture 99% of the time. it's not like I get to enjoy it.#I don't know how to explain that without sounding like I just feel sorry for myself and like I don't want to get better#because that's all I want#but getting better depends entirely on this stupid brain. like I don't know how else to explain it? how can I do something if that thing#won't allow it?#yes it's like it is a separate thing and I'm not involved in what it does most of the time. is that also not normal? probably#there's no comfort zone there's only a prison that I've been stuck in all my life and no matter what I've tried it's not enough to get out#and everyone blames me for not trying hard enough and that gets added to the infinite list of reasons why I'm just bad#just do this! just do it anyway! just do it scared! just just just#Idk. I just need to stop overthinking! that'll fix everything! if only that was an option! I could get drunk every day or try drugs I guess.#but the drinking thing didn't make anything better last time.#fuck I just want to stop trying. isn't it ever going to be enough? when do I get to start being an actual person? I just want to feel real#and that's enough emo bullshit for today and for this week and this month and probably this century
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#i'm sorry but you have to vote#there is no third option that will appear if you sit out#jill stein is a shill for putin she will not save you#and it's not just presidential#it's house and senate#remember how we literally can't get any shit done bc house keeps impeding?#yeah that's why#you need to vote up and down the ballot#legal shit takes time#you're not going to win right away#every single day makes me sick but it would be worse under trump#i repeat: i'm sorry but you have to vote#and if you have the gall to say 'well we deserve trump' shut the fuck up with your stupid martyr complex#your elderly neighbors deserve that? your friends deserve that? children deserve that?#fuck off. fuck all the way off#btw: not voting won't 'teach the dems a lesson' either. it'll only teach them to convert to republican#politicians want to win so they will follow what's winning#i'm sorry for being harsh but i will never forgive everyone responsible if trump gets back into power#i didn't the first time he was elected. i won't the second time.
I'm sure many people have already shared this here, but I think it's important that people here on Tumblr need to see this.
"I disagree with Kamala's position on the war in Gaza. How can I vote for her?" by US Senator Bernie Sanders
youtube
#video#long post#genocide tw#u.s. politics#i don't agree with the 'right to defend itself' talking point b/c this goes way beyond oct 7th but understand why he put it in#but the rest of this speech i agree with#honestly i'm not sure if people who don't live in the u.s. understand just how dire things are with this election#or just how dire the dobbs decision made by the supreme court stacked with donald's handpicked judges are#and after the madison square garden nazi bund rally 2.0 a few days ago i do not want that man getting back into power#but also somebody's going to get elected anyways regardless of whether you refuse to vote for anyone or not#if 'both sides are equally bad' regarding gaza and there's no possible way to get a third-party candidate who can stop bibi#then i'd rather guarantee the candidate who's not going to further take away my & my friends' rights wins#like donald is literally hitler 2.0#that is not hyperbole. godwin's law does not apply here. these are actual nazis in all but name.#his buddies who are running project 2025 want to do all the things hitler did and more#and they're also all christian zionists so of course they want to start world war fucking 3 with israel's help#they genuinely believe doing that will guarantee they'll magically teleport into heaven#they don't give a shit about us and want us all dead#we can't afford to sit this out. things will get much worse if donald gets back in charge.#i can't control if or how you vote or how you interpret my words#but i can at least try to plead the case for voting and explain my personal reasoning for my own choice
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Lemme tell you a gay little story about an eagle.
Our town (~9,000 people) has a couple garages, but there's a big one on the main drag. My family has been going there for decades. I drive past it every day.
There used to be a huge pine tree on the corner of their lot, but last year it became a hazard and had to be taken down.
Shortly thereafter I drive by and see they've hired a guy to chainsaw sculpt the stump into a bald eagle.
Birds own my heart, but nationalism makes me twitchy. I withhold outright condemnation of the eagle, but I'm skeptical. (The original owner—an objectively Good Dude—sold the business to a younger couple a few years ago, and I don't have any knowledge of their whole deal.)
Then it turns out someone on staff is really into making costumes for the eagle. Every holiday. Every month. Stuffed turkey, witch costume, menorah headpiece, bunny ears. These people love to dress their bird.
The changing of the eagle suit becomes a source of joy every time I drive through town.
Until June, when the eagle is bare.
Now look, maybe I'm expecting too much asking my garage to celebrate Pride. But this is a small town. Every time I drive by that stupid eagle—this thing that has previously brought me so much joy—I feel hurt. I feel reminded that there are plenty of people in my liberal bubble who don't consider my community worthy of celebration. I drive to work, I feel bad. I drive home, I feel bad. The eagle is mocking me.
Then my A/C quits working.
So I book an appointent to bring my car in—and realize what I have to do.
I pick all this up at a thrift store for under ten bucks. I print the shirt with some weird heat-transfer fabric crayons I find in a cupboard. I loop gold elastic around the sunglasses and pray they'll fit on the eagle's head. (It is also important to draw your attention to the price of the feather boa.)
(Nice.)
My reasoning is thus: if I show up with a complete costume ready to go, someone will have to look me in the eye and say "We don't believe in that," at which point I'll be finding a new garage. But if they let me dress the eagle, then people in town get to have the joy I've been missing since the start of the month.
I listen to a lot of hype-up jams on my way over. I hate confrontation. I also don't wanna have to find another garage. I want to believe that this decision isn't actively antagonistic, but I'm not particularly hopeful.
I talk through the A/C issue with the guy at the desk, hand over my keys, then take a deep breath.
"Who's in charge of the eagle?"
"Oh, that's all Dylan. Second bay from the end."
I walk down the row of hydraulic lifts and find a disarmingly smiley middle-aged man pouring fluid through a funnel. I introduce myself and explain that, since the Pride parade is this Sunday and the eagle seems to be missing a costume, I have taken the liberty of making one myself, and can I get his blessing to go put it on?
Dylan grins this absolutely giant grin and goes
"Oh hell yeah."
So that's what's up now.
Happy Pride.
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Working on a little (big) project, finally figured out the storyline I want to go with, that's all I'll say, it's called IYKYK. Literatly thats the project name, it might change but it's quite what it means. but if you don't know? That's okay too! I'm hoping to tell a compelling story anyways. This is probably gonna take a couple years to do though XD
If you are interested this is the playlist I'll be working with. Yes I'm planning on making video visuals for this project (I'd say animating but I'm gonna be using a bunch of different techniques, also animating is hard af and takes a long time and I'm not exactly an animator.) Also you get to learn a little bit of my music taste now XD
#snazum draws#snazum talks#original character#i want to explain it all so bad but also I don't want to put that dirty laundry out there. So it shall be a story that my irls know#and if friends who don't know want to know i'm more than willing to explain it!!!#seriously though I'd love to yap someones head off bout this project it's just a little heavy with the topics#okay fine i'm yapping in here vaguely#so i started this round half a year to a year ago probably to work through my emotions about everything#obviously now I'm in a much better headspace so it's less vent and more exploration and an autobiography through representation/metaphors#basically exploring it all through fictitious stories to explore my emotions without going into details about the events of my life#Yeah that's bout it :> that's why I say the project deals with heavy topics#obviously if u wanna hear more bout the project without the heavy details I can do that too!!!#I don't really want to get into the heavy details anyways. would rather just explain the emotional side and the intricacies of the project#I loveeee symbolism and metaphors and exploring the depth of human emotions and how we cope with our reality#specifically my human emotions and how I cope with my reality#but seriously i love human psychology it's just easier to write what you know lol#but once again this project did originally start as a vent piece so it has just shifted to a healing piece#also like. idk maybe if people like it enough (or i do) i may just explore the worlds of these ocs more in depth as well#maybe noah moreau can finally be detatched from m4ss 3ffect XD#sorry just don't want that showing up in the tag search love tumblr#Project: IYKYK
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Embarrassing, ridiculous TMI under the readmore (not gross! just way too personal!)
I do not have PTSD and I don't want to be a part of the "flippantly using the word 'trigger'" problem at all, but I think I finally found a proper name for this harmful behavior I've wrestled with since at least high school, and it's called self-triggering.
Again, I don't have trauma... well, everybody has some trauma, but that's not the thing I'm triggering myself about here. And if I explained what I had actually been doing to myself (which may be obvious to someone who's reading between the lines but I don't want to talk about it for reasons I've stated before), it would sound laughably, mockably trivial. But the results are still an acute increase in depression and obsessive negative/angry thinking and distress and alienation from something that usually gives me joy... so it's still harmful to me, no matter how stupid and frivolous it sounds. Perhaps it's an OCD/depression self-triggering instead of a PTSD self-triggering.
I reiterate, what I'm discussing is not trauma, not EVER claiming it is, but:
In a similar vein, one set of case studies (De Young, 1984) conceptualized approaching situations reminiscent of the trauma as “counterphobic behavior” (i.e., an attempt to master anxiety by repeatedly approaching its source, resulting in a greater sense of control).
I understand this, the "maybe if I keep looking I'll become desensitized", and "I need more information so I can better avoid this thing and people associated!" Or even "well maybe it wasn't really that bad, maybe I'm remembering it as worse than it was" (I'm not, if anything I've forgotten just how bad it was!)
Likewise, if trauma survivors perceive reexperiencing symptoms as inevitable, they may wish to decide the time and place of their occurrence, affording them a sense of control.
...is that the irrational "gotta get it over with" compulsion??
Alarmingly, many users also report being unable to stop this behavior once they have begun despite the dysregulation and distress that it causes.
This is how it goes: I will read or even just skim through something that causes me serious emotional distress, whether that is a fanfiction with something horrible happening to characters I find comfort in, or a really nasty article full of harsh, baseless criticisms of something I love so much. (Again, these things sound laughable but to the way my mind works, it is not. Though I also do something similar with actual bad memories from my life [I think everyone does], well, you can't "reread" or refresh those. And I also have the power to delete/destroy any physical records I have of those.)
So, I will vow to never ever let this wretched thing enter my eyeballs again. I will ruminate about it and quietly seethe about the fact that it exists, and that some people even like/agree with it! I won't be able to get certain upsetting phrases out of my head and I will obsess and it will ruin my enjoyment of related things whenever I get reminded of it.
Maybe I will find ways to block or blacklist to lower my chances of seeing it. And I will be very vigilant about this for a long time and will successfully avoid it, even if I see reminders here and there that make me mad. Slowly, I'll only remember a few specific sentences from the thing, and even those may be unclear.
And then I'll suddenly develop the belief that I "have to" look at it again for some reason, and my heart will start pounding as I start bracing myself for this "inevitability". And eventually the irrational, self-destructive side will win out and I'll do it, believing that it's like ripping a bandaid off for the greater good. Gotta get it over with, you see. I'll only glance over it, of course, because this time I already know how bad it is - I'll just read a few sentences here and there on my way to do something "sensible" like block the url or check who liked it so I know it wasn't my friends - but it will be enough to make me feel like absolute shit for days again, and now I have these fresh memories in my head to contend with and the cycle of trying to forget these bad bad thoughts and be able to freely enjoy the thing I love starts all over again.
and that's what you missed on Glee!
#honestly if I ever get a therapist it would be so much easier just to submit an essay like this rather than infodump it all out loud#I'm so much better in writing and it would feel less humiliating!#anyway I'm trying to say that I KNOW that this is for the therapist that I don't have and not for tumblr#but I'm glad I could put it into words and since I've been showing effects of it on here... might as well explain it on here#I would get SUCH anon hate for this post if I had a following. and if I had anon on. I can feel it#I'm actually worried about losing followers or mutuals for this just because it sounds cringe and insane#but like I can't fix my own experiences and my own mental health just because 'people are dying Kim' you know???#I would cite my source but... lol. lmao even.#also I guess I didn't do a good job finally being normal on here today did I? 0 days since our last nonsense#when I returned to tumblr this is exactly who I didn't want to be anymore#but it's also weirdly cathartic that someone who cares even a little about me might know about how I feel now. idk.#on the cycle we are 2 days post the re-triggering event lol. I did something else stupid today but nothing as stupid as THAT#it's probably been ~9 months since I was first/last exposed to the content of this Bad Thing so this setback is infuriating#my original post
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