#i want to edit and post nowww!! :/

[motof1bfs]

ig a request for the posters

dovquez either on the podium, bike, parc fermé or smiling together

smiling is a big part. but then again, those two can't be around each other without smiling

"And it’s so cool. As if we both dug together a whole new vein of gold: we won’t share the prize, of course, because to keep the gold is my goal, but we still dug through it together as if we were pioneers. And this indeed does create a bond, whatever it is." - Andrea Dovizioso

heyyy.. finally got this done my apolocheeseeeeeeee -🏁

[idk-ilike5sos]

Holy fuck I just finished writing chapter 2!!

[riacte]

Space Opera AU dashboard simulator

🥧 syrupstars Follow

Anyone else think that Red King racer is a little... y'know... fruity?

👑 falsewellsupremacy Follow

He literally says "ladies, gentlemen, everyone in between, get in line" so I think that answers your question.

🥧 syrupstars Follow

What about the "#Ally4Life 🏳️‍🌈" on his Twilight handle?

👑 falsewellsupremacy Follow

I genuinely have no idea. Maybe he thinks it's about him being an ally to cishet people

#idk ren's just like that sometimes #void knows what he's doing #also prev tags you do not want to get into the black hole of who ren has dated #he has rumours with 3/4 of the grid #edit: WHO MENTIONED BAD BOY TEENAGE REN IN MY NOTES #the shippers are here... oh no #edit 2: not ren at the club.

74 notes

🛑 bluebatshater Follow

oh my voiddd ofc That Duo got p1 again... i need them to dnf in the race. i hope they crash and burn and die and i need crastle to get podium for ONCE. i am so mad. i am calling for the goddess tsuki to curse them. dnf dnf crash burn DIE

🌻 lesbianlumian Follow

the goddess tsuki LITERALLY protects racers and that's why they pray to her? you think the goddess tsuki, creator of lumians, will curse an actual lumian? be so fucking fr

🛑 bluebatshater Follow

if you dont have anything productive to say get off my post. freak

#those blue bats stannies are SO ANNOYING THEY ARE EVERYWHERE #they're overshadowing all the other teams #cant even be a bitchy hater in peace #salt #negativity #hateposting

12 notes

🔮 queenofstarz03 Follow

OMG FALSE IS SO PRETTY SHES MY QUEEN OF HEARTS OMG OMGOMGOGM 💖💖💖💖💖💖 i tihnk im gonna pass out. HER HAIR FLYING IN THE WIND AND HER RED FRECKLES AND HER SMILE WHY IS MY HEART BEATING SO FAST and Ren is hot I guess he's tall like a ferris wheel

🔮 queenofstarz03 Follow

Looking at posts from five years ago is funny like how did I ever believe I was straight

🍦 jelliepopsicle Follow

OP, I think I recognise your url... did you write that viral Bad Boy Ren x QoH fic on Launchpad?

🔮 queenofstarz03 Follow

💀 Shut the fuck up right NOWWW!!

#STOP MENTIONING THAT FIC I WFOTE WHEN I WAS THIRTEEEN!!! #everything before my gay awakening is not canon. sorry #tbh... as much as a nightmare it was i kinda miss that stupid fic #it was from a simpler time #now im in university trying to contact my groupmates and i think one of them got lost in a blackhole last tuesday (again) #sigh. this keeps on happening to me #my cousin worked on one of the moons last summer for two weeks and came back like he'd aged six months #my friend's ex got sucked into a black hole and was briefly spaghettified but they managed to revive her and she gloats that she's finally taller than my friend's ex #whoops sorry for dumping in the notes #anyways. bad boy rk x good girl queen of hearts. awful idea. even more awful fic. yet i wrote it #i regret everything and nothing

25 notes

🗣️ peace-and-planets-deactivated63891092

PSA: Sunblr user @/summerheavens writes RPF of the Exterra 1 racers. She is a big name fan in the Miraculous Laserbug fandom so I thought you all would like to know. This is gross and disgusting behaviour and I implore you to stop.

🍬 summerheavens Follow

umm @/peace-and-planets i literally saw your kudos on my fic. the evidence is out there. girl what are YOU doing at the devil's sacrament. what are you doing on my roseduo rpf titled "hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine (we're not trying)".

but i'm glad you liked it enough to give it a kudos ^_^ will certainly be putting more on the starchive!

❄️ justwingit Follow

LMFAOOOO OP DEACTIVATEDDDDD 😭😭😭 sunblr user got killed by a rpf author. if you're gonna secretly read rpf maybe not leave a kudos?????

🚀 exterrablrheritage

Exterra 1 Heritage Post

⚡ littlewoodbabygirl69

It's been ten years since this post... @/summerheavens are you okay after recent developments

🍬 summerheavens Follow

am i okay? is ANYONE okay??? in these trying times??????? with the most chaotic gp to ever exist?????? i am PULLING OUT WIPS i dropped out of respect ten years ago. i've got to send my kid to daycare but once i'm done you bet you're seeing me on the starchive. miss swift even dropped her 20th album just in time for me to use lyrics as titles. i am LIVING and i am THRIVING

#ohhhhhhhhhh #let's go #also can't believe taylor finally addressed the vehicle manslaughter rumours from like twenty years ago #how fitting #also littlewood needs to get his shit together #why does he look like he's the one who hasn't seen his man in 32738102371 years and got his soul shattered #he's weak and won't survive the winter

27,408 notes

🧈 butteredbread Follow

WHAT is wrong with that lykos. i desire him carnally

🌳 treebark

@/handoftheking

🪓 handoftheking

I mean... yeah. Let's face it, we're all like that 🤷

⭐ nonbinarystar Follow

MR LITTLEWOOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

#WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM #I HATE HIM SO MUCH #PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS CAN ALSO BE ABOUT HATE #THIS GLOWSTICK MF IS MY WORST ENEMY #he just canonised treebark for the sixth time #also prev tags so real #need to slingshot him into a faraway galaxy

34,091 notes

🫃 spaceshipmpreg Follow

Who put that Just a Dream FalseRen AMV on my dash again

🔮 queenofstarz03 Follow

Respect your roots!! That 125M views Just a Dream AMV raised a generation. Every kid in my school played it on loop on their ipods during recess

🔮 queenofstarz03 Follow

wait op can you explain your url

🫃 spaceshipmpreg Follow

No 👍

#i think we should get the dogwarts freighter pregnant

6 notes

[an-abyss-of-stars]

Fic Updates!!

(Yes, I'm back with these 😂)

Update notes for:

It's Visceral And It's Cruel

Burnt Over And Over Again

He Saw Her At Daybreak

Struck By Fire Drowned By The Sea

*Burnt Over And Over Again* (Modern Au)

So I am currently working on this MAJOR sex scene for the upcoming chapter (chapter 5). BUT I'm actually in the process of reworking it. The initial draft was like 80% finished 🤣💀

I'M SORRY, I was actually so close to being ready to edit and then post. But the further I went with that version, it just wasn't giving what it was meant to give. And to share my thoughts/struggles with this plot point/scene without spoiling the entire scene. If y'all remember, chapter 4 has Rhaena and Aemond bickering like an old married couple in a nightclub in Prague. And as their drama progresses, Aemond finds a way to get Rhaena alone so they can have a private tense conversation. Their sexual tension builds up to a point where they HAVE to do something about it.

Semantics I guess, but there's a ✨mood✨ I'm trying to convey and it's SOO hard to convey it genuinely, idk why 🤣 Like Rhaena is in denial, but she's CLEARLY still very attracted to him. And he's down so BADDD for her, but he's also really frustrated and annoyed with the current state of their relationship. Like the sex isn't going to be all that frantic, because of the way I've slowly built the tension. But at the same time, Aemond's frustration still needs to be present? At least I want it to be? Like I want him to coax her into this, because deep down she definitely wants it, she's just in denial.

Am I making any sense? I don't really know 🤣 I just don't want it to sound like coercion, and that feels like such a fine line with this scene for some reason 😩 like he's definitely not forcing her to do anything, but he is leading this whole thing. The key for me, is making it really feel like she's down for this and welcoming it all physically even if she's still trying to keep him at arm's length emotionally... UGHH it's a fine line fr.

My goal is to update this fic before I move onto any others. So fingers crossed for meeee 😭

(I'm also working out some more background lore for this modern au universe, like what everyone in the family does career wise, I'm working out who has pets and whatnot, expanding the lore of Rhaena's former relationship with Dalton since I initially made it rather vague...SOOOO get ready for this whole story to expand as it goes. Because I kinda want this story to be a bit more than short fic now 😂)

—

*It's Visceral And It's Cruel* (reg medieval time period)

Nowww this is my bread and butterrrr 🤣 I have about 13k of next chapter (chapter 9) written and ready for editing. BUT I still have about 5 scenes to go, or at least those were scenes I originally planned to include in this chapter.

I'm starting to think adding in all of those scenes will make this chapter TOO long if I include them all here 💀 like I added in two extra scenes to make the narrative flow in a more interconnected manner. But in doing that, it's definitely going to make this chapter too long. And the final scene I initially had for this chapter was going to be the Royal Hunt shenanigans. And THAT is a scene/plot point that needs a lot of time/words dedicated to it. Especially since it's going to be written from Aemond's POV, and that boy is going to be going THROUGH it watching Rhaena purposely flirt with literally every other man there EXCEPT for him 🤣🤣

So I think I'm going to move the hunt over to chapter 10 (even though I promised it would be here 😭😭). Because logically...like I must 😂 I can't let this chapter be 40k in length, I'd take DAYSSS to edit it if I did🤣💀

—

*He Saw Her At Daybreak* (horny married Rhaemond Fic)

UMMMM I actually have no clue when I plan to work on the next chapter LMAO 😂 There are a few things I need to map out plot wise. Like slight spoilers:

But here are the scenes I'm planning on including in chapter 10:

• Actually showing Aemond flying over to Driftmark and interacting with Grandma Rhaenys (for the Spice Towk salt that Rhaena craves).

•Aemond and Aegon actually discussing their mother returning to court for the birth of the baby.

•I want to slip in a sex for Rhaemond, since ya know, this IS the horny fic 🤣and this is my last chance to include the lactation kink before the baby gets here, so I must do it 😂 I'm also thinking that scene could definitely start with pregnant Rhaena being a little self conscious about her body before a family event. Like I haven't had much of that insecurity mentioned for her.

•The family event being the Valyrian equivalent Yule/Christmas holiday event, that's going to be like a nice wholesome gift giving scene. Targ family shenanigans.

•ALL culminating with Rhaena's water breaking and the baby finally coming. Like this baby is COMING in this chapter, most definitely 😂😂 we are ending the chapter with Rhaemond happily holding their newborn baby.

So there's a lot to write, and I'm still only on the first scene 💀💀 but hey, now the 10 of you so still tune in, have an idea of what's to come! 😂😂

—

*Struck by Fire, Drowned By The Sea* (Pirate Fic)

LORD, I PROMISE I HAVEN'T FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONEEEE. AGHHH oddly enough, like this writing process feels like the sex scene in BO&OA, I can't seem to land on the vibe��� for the next chapter (chapter 5). And it's not even a sex scene, so Idk why I'm overthinking it all 🤣🤣

It's weird, really. I usually have a really easy time writing from Aemond's POV for my other fics, but since Pirate Captain Aemond is more of a mystery to both Rhaena and the audience. It for some reason feels a lot harder 💀🤣 like it shouldn't be, but it is 🤣🤣 I've rewritten/restarted this chapter at least 6 times trying various ways to tell the same scene, seeing how much I should give away in his inner thoughts or not. And I just haven't landed on a good ratio for him, like we all know this IS Aemond. But there's still so much of his past that hasn't been revealed, and it's all still a mysterious element for captive Rhaena, she's still trying to figure him out... especially since they've never really met until now.

Their relationship is going to be SOMETHING wild, if I can get past this damn chapter 🤣🤣

—

This just feels like me explaining in depth, four various types of writer's block 🤣🤣

Anywaysss, if any of y'all have any suggestions or helpful ideas, for any of these fics, I'm very open to them 💖

[pinkwinesupernovas]

(this is a lot of yapping sorry in advance babe)

dear zel,

i miss you rn so i'm writing this for you in english class and probably the class afterwards knowing me, (edit in printmaking period two, yes i am still writing this hehe)

i'm gonna be totally honest i'm literally writing my english assesment about you bc i was lost for inspiration and the promt fit soooo it's about our freindship hehe ily. i'm not totally sure if i'll submit this one for the final thing but writing about you makes me happy which is sappy as hell but i don't feel embarassed abt it bc you make me feel very safe to be embarrassingly sappy with you <3 i will send you the thing eventually even if i don't hand it in for marking but i don't think i'm allowed to post it cause it's school related so i'll send it on discord when i finish the first draft hehe <3 (i wrote 600 words about you in one hour that is lowkey scary)

also i'm going to yap about you nowww because i love youuuu mwah <3

i'm literally so glad we're friends, i'm not sure what our first interaction was but i think it was for your event?? and i am forever grateful for it i'm so glad we're friends you're literally one of my fav people i've met on this app i love you with my whole heartttt

one thing i loveee abt you is that i don't feel scared to spam your asks or tag you in one million things, idek what it is but you make me feel very safe to be sappy and clingy and i love that bc with most people i overthink whether i should send them things but with you i don't even hesitate bc ik you'll respond well and i love thatttt <3 you also match my enthusiasm and send lots of asks back and i love that sm <3

i literally adore talking to you bc you're such a sweet and kind person i'm lowkey in awe of it like how is one person so lovely you just light up the world ugh i love you sm, you're so fun to talk to and i just love you smmm (i hate timezones but six hours will not seperate us i love yapping with you too much)

alsooo just so you know, in my mind we're in a field of flowers together picking flowers and yapping while we eat pastries from a cute little bakery and drink like iced matcha or something that's my dream <333 i wish we could live closer bc i just know i'd love baking with you and stargazing and just dong cute little things whenever we wanted, just know that whenever i like your posts thats actually me mentally giving you a flower or two bc ily <3

also what i feel for you can be kind of wrapped up with a few songs so here: birds of a feather by billie, glue song by bea and clairo, the last one by maisie, feels like by gracie, and lots more but those are the songs that i can't listen to without thinking of you <3

ahhhhhh i'm still at school and stupid school wifi blocks tumblr AND discord (i've tried literally EVERY vpn i can it's so annoying ughhh) so i'll have to send this when i get home but just know i was thinking of you allllllll day at school and i miss you and i love you sm <3

okayyy this is written proof that i'm literally a proffessional yapper i've been adding to this on my notesapp throughout the day so i'm going to shut up now byeee i love you i'll send this when i get homeee <3

don't apologize oml

ALSO ARE YOU KIDDING ME IM GOING TO CRY LUCY THIS ACTUALLY MEANS SO MUCH TO ME you're not real

omg you wrote about us??? i would love love love to read it 🥹

you're right our first interaction literally was for my event which im so grateful for omg!!! cause we'd been moots for a while but i was very scared to interact w you but you engaged w my event and it made soooo happy

you're adorable and this right here made my whole day, i was feeling very sick in the morning and throughout the afternoon which HAS NOW DISAPPEARED SEEING ALL YOUR NOTIFS literally beaming w happiness rn

i love you so much, wayyy more than how much words can convey <333

[little-paperboat]

I'm in the process of editing the last chapter of "Through Shadows" and it's about 4500 words, the longest so far 👀

I'm not totally satisfied with it yet, especially since it contains some pivotal scenes and elements for the main story later so I really want to get it right, but I'm working on it and it's promising!

I'm suuuper excited for it though, it might be my favourite chapter so far. We're getting more Tav and Rolan AND they are doing something else than argue for once (they're not getting any smarter, though). But there is *progress* somehow heheh

Here's a little overview of the chapter, since I probably won't post until later this week 😇

She wanted to know how his lips would feel against hers, how his body would react to her touch; to see pleasure etched over his handsome features and to hear him say all those nice things again, and then some.  She wanted to kiss him - she really did.  And she wanted it now.  Even if he hated her.  She had dealt with worse than that.   “I didn’t tell Cal and Lia about what happened,” she said instead, inching just a bit closer, batting her eyelashes just so - giving him that one sultry look that always got her tangled in bedsheets under an hour.  “I know.” He gave her a strained smile.  “You’re welcome,” she teased.    He let out a breathy laugh. “I thanked you once already. Don’t be greedy.” A glint of mischief burned in his eyes and she felt herself smirk. Oh, she was greedy alright - all she needed was a sign that he wasn’t just being polite, something, anything to let her know that he was curious about her, and she would show him exactly just how greedy she could be.

That's it for nowww 🤠

[frozen-cola444]

sometimes i always doub my self doing a bad thing when i want to do bsomething but nowww, meet my phone edition acc! aka @frozen-cola444-phoneedition!!!! i can finaly post more of my art there to here...

IFFF you didnt know i use both my phone and laptop here and there. Because my phone has better art quiality (or not) and my laptop doesnt i have to upload my phone art to here via an BROKEN CABLE! and yeah its quite anoying sence it wont link to the folder 😅

Sooo now you know! Please go there 🥲

[pointninezero1]

Okay so I was the anon who sent you that video about ghost and I watched a few days ago having no knowledge about COD what so ever (didn’t even know who ghost was until you started posted about him) and I was very confused at first but now I just think it’s really funny how pressed gamer men get💀💀💀 “YOU DIDNT GO THROUGH WHAT I DID WITH GHOST STOP BABYGIRLIFING HIM” like what😭😭😭😭 why do they talk like they fought in the trenches with him😭😭😭

also her point about gamers not actually wanting a gamer gf was spot on

IM SORRY ANON I LITERALLY JUST WENT TO GO WATCH THW VIDEO RIGHT NOWWW ,, listen listwn my entire thirsting for ghost was supposed to be a funny little haha thing at first cuz i saw and edit and then i saw men mad in the commmets and went immediately to ao3 to read gay smut in spite (there was like a total of three x male readers atp) and then boom bam im in love with this guy okay without actually knowing anything about cod (other than the snippets i remember from playing with my btoher when we were younger) and even right now half of my attraction to him is literally fueled by the amount of idiotic men claiming to want gamer gfs and then turning into misogynistic assholes on an edit of ghost like be fr the way these guys are "defending" ghost from the sexualization as if hes gonna jump out of the screen and thank them personally with a slap on the ass is crazyyyyyyy

honestly i could rant for hours about how gamer boys are more in love with the idea of a gamer gf than they are with actual gamer girls like they want a girl whos just interested enough to want to listen to them talk but not experience enough to beat them at the games they play so they can experience the sense of supriority that men are granted by the rest of society but anywyas the video was really nice to listen to anon thank you so much for sending it to me :3 !!!! and continue trending babygirl ghost please ive been so busy but i need to have an endless amount of fics to come back to

[miniwolfsbane]

Dark Phoenix Review (SPOILERS)

Like 3 weeks late, but I finally saw it!! (I am HORRIBLE about seeing movies alone. Plus I hate driving, plus I had insomnia the week it came out.)

I don’t understand all the hate it’s getting? Like, I didn’t think it was that predictable. I wanted one thing, Jean in Scott’s arms at the end and didn’t get that iconic scene, but other then that, it wasn’t that bad. I thought it was breakneck pacing here and there, especially in the begining. Ten minutes in and they’re in space? Can we have a little build up? Maybe some more Jean/Scott in there?

However, I thought the rest made sense, even Magneto. (It would’ve felt weird to not have him and they gave him something to do and his revenge was justified.) But one thing I didn’t understand, it’s tiny and stupid, why were they keeping tabs on the kids campfire party? (Can’t really call it a rave I guess.) Let them be kids. Even if it was on the property, it just looked weird to me.

 Looking back, I’m relieved they didn’t include yet another “Quicksilver is awesome” scene. Two was enough, three would’ve been overkill. He wasn’t used enough and really faded off. Would’ve appreciated him being around in the last act, but as I just realized, he was recovering. Dangit Jean. >_<

Unfortunately, I knew Mystique was going to die going in because THANK YOU INTERNET!! (/sarcasm) Can’t blame the actress, but maybe this will pave the way for any future sequels not to overuse her. Also, it differentiates the plot a little from the awful Captain Marvel. Also, it’s sad. Always liked Mystique in the reboots. Good, balanced character.

Nowww (breathes) Kurt freaking Wagner!! :D He was used a little more then in Apoc, and as always, they have kept up the X-Men tradition of knocking him out. XD (Go watch Evo again and you’ll see what I mean. Poor boy was getting knocked unconscious like every other episode. Add to that Apoc, and I pronounced it tradition. He might’ve gotten hit in Wolverine and the X-Men, I’m not sure. Yes, I’m a giant X-Men nerd.) I thought the exchange after my poor blueberry got teleported to death was funny and LOL’d in the theatere.

Xavier: Are you okay?

Kurt:No...!

Xavier: Kurt, you have to get me in there.

Because usually the hero will say he’s okay, he’s fine. But my poor baby has surely exhausted himself, so he has to teleport AGAIN and oh glob, I just feel for him. Xavier, stop being a jerk. LOL.

And that fight scene. I don’t just mean Kurt’s part, I  mean the whole thing. And people really hated this movie? Come on!  Anyway, yeah, that was the reason you don’t enrage my blueberry. And I can see why he has...blades or whatever on his tail now. I don’t agree with it, I still like his original comic/show look and there’s something slightly LESS violent about him choking someone out with his tail VS slitting their throat with it, but, eh, I can’t change it and it does add an element of threatening-ness and danger to the character that simply isn’t present in all his other incarnations. So movie/show Kurt=Cute, almost harmless fuzzy blue elf. Reboot movie Kurt=Potential to be a ruthless killing machine with a bladed tail when pushed enough.

Edit: Another post at the blog Mister Wagner didn’t like that scene, saying Kurt’s always been a pacifist. I have to slightly disagree on that, but I won’t  rant too much about it here. The short version is that if Kurt were a true pacifist, he’d have no place on the X-Men and would probably be dead by now. He’s kind, good, and decent, yes, but he, like other X-men have killed and threatened before in the comics. Kurt may only do it as a last resort, but that’s part of why we love him so much. He doesn’t take the obvious route other super powered people do.

Okay, so I never did get my ‘Kurt loves pirates’ reference either, (remember how I wanted that in the last movie?), but, eh, he was in it a little more and that’s what matters. And they actually included it in WATXM, so at least they did it somewhere outside of the comics. 

I would’ve had Jean half dead in scott’s arms at the end, and I haven’t ever read the Phoenix saga, (I know! Crazy!) it’s just....I want a little comic nod. Consistency. Continuity. Show you CARE about the source material, Kinberg!

All in all, a three and a half star movie. Not amazing, and I would’ve changed some things, but I as a hardcore fan enjoyed it.

Edit: Another example of rushing it I recalled. I was actually expecting some cute scene between Kurt and Ororo at the party. It may have looked like Ororo was going to open her mouth then-cut to another scene. Not my ship, but, again, room to breathe and some character development in some direction would’ve been nice. Again, I liked this movie. I didn’t love it. Also also, I would’ve had a bang out, crazy bigger fight scene at the end. Less violent. (I write fight scenes a lot for my fics. Just because they’re fight scenes doesn’t mean they have to be bloody or violent.) It wouldn’t have saved the movie, but it would’ve made the last act better. Let the X-men truly go out with a  bang.

[starshapedpetals]

I’m sorry this took so long I was so tired my vision was blurry, my phone was dying and it takes me like hours to post because I have such a big panic attack about sounding mean or saying too much that I rewrite my post like 30 times before hitting post.

Oops sorry I didn’t notice it when I reblogged it! I don’t feel comfortable exactly telling my age online out of fear. I’m so sorry please don’t be mad but I’ll tell you that your close.

Pronouns: I’m very in the middle with going by she/her or she/they. Currently it’s she/her but who knows lol

HJHHKJH YEAH I AIN’T STRAIGHTTT. I think I go by pansexual? I’m not sure how much I like titles anymore tho haha

Zodiac: Sagittarius but I do have a cancer moon! Not exactly sure what it means but yeah!

Romantic status: BJHJHS YOU RIGHT. It’s just longing for my fictional loves over here ✌️

Eye color: blue

Hobbies: yeah I love doing everything and anything creative. Any form of expression, creativity & art is my shittt. Dancing, acting, photography, writing, making jewelry, digital art, singing, spray painting, uh editing? Idk what to call it but like editing photos is also fun. I know I’d do more but I’m such a procrastinator sometimes ugh. Like I really want to learn how to sew! I do have a few dogs & cats so you’re right ☺️ That kinda makes me wish that I horseback ride. It sounds so cool nowww aaaa that’s such a cool idea I just might after this post! Awe I want to garden but I just haven’t started my own garden yet idk why 🥺 I literally adore flowers & flower meanings seriously why am I not gardening yet?? Like one of my dreams is to have a huge garden sanctuary literally what the fuck am I doing right now?? I’m so happy I come off like that 🥺

I think I’m more of an Ambivert? That description you gave does fit me entirely though. I just have really bad social anxiety like I can barely speak. Unless you’ve known me for long enough or have been with me for a few hours during the day to where my anxiety starts to wear off, I’m much more feral.

Favorite season: I really do like spring its probably my second favorite month? But as I was writing this I realized how much more I really do love fall. With spring you get a lot of rain & flowers, which I adore. Unfortunately I can’t really say much else that I really enjoy. With summer there’s much more activities I like to do & its somehow much more exciting? Even if I can’t stand the heat. Winter has the holiday feel to it which makes me feel joyful & sad at the same time. But January is a boring month. February at least has Valentine’s Day which I love that lovecore aesthetic SO MUCH. I used to say I was tied between fall & spring but that seems to be simply not true. Fall has all the smells & vibe that makes walking outside hit different. All those candy packs come out so even if you get some for trick or treaters, you can get some for yourself Y’know what I’m saying 👀 I just love Halloween & the plushies that come with it. Plus I love skeletons & vampires, even when I was a kid! I’ve always had a taste for the scary stuff & Halloween just awakens everything in me like I get so fucking hyped when I see Halloween decorations in the store. & THE SMELLS LIKE THE CINNAMON BROOMS & CANDLES OMG. Ahh & I just love decorating too! Ooo & the horror movies & dressing up 🤩 & the warm coziness of autumn is the stuff of my dreamsss. The aesthetic is just *chefs kiss* So I’m going with fall as my favorite season. Aha I’m sorry if that was too long

Don’t worry I don’t feel insulted at all! I laughed a lot while reading this! I just really hope my answers don’t disappoint hhhh

fun game!! dont look at my about and guess these things based on how you perceive me:

age pronouns and gender zodiac sign romantic status eye color hobbies introverted / extroverted favorite season

[cxsmicmyeon]

omg i literally had to argue and fight with my parents so much to be able to go out with my friends!! teenage years were interesting in the way, to say the least 🙄 hehe i'm glad i bit the bullet and messaged you!

ah that post you reblogged about picking up habits from your biases i think it was? i noticed i started doing that tongue + teeth smile chanyeol does 😅 this 👇

HAHAHA yes shut up and go away is my favourite line 🤣 but i also still have junmyeon singing been through my head constantly. you shiiiiiine like the star, you liight up my heart ❤

congratulations on 103 followers!! 🎉🎉🎉 hey every influencer started somewhere! i'll make sure they know the mini tag drabbles came from you 😉

mmmm it was more so talking about when testing toddler girls hencewhy females are always diagnosed with being on the spectrum much later in life than boys are. men are simple i guess? 😂 i think it's great that people are bringing more awareness towards the importance of mental health and normalising conditions!!

did i just inspire a series for you!? this is a great achievement 🤣 i am happy to proofread and edit if you like 🤭 i suck at writing but i proofread and edit fine lmao i do it for my niece/nephews/friends assignments 😂😂 tbh i didn't like kbbq before but watching all this korean stuff and the way they eat it is so 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 omfg b o b a lol i love the lychee flavours too!! and green apple yum 😋 but i recently realised i'm somewhat lactose intolerant and dairy affects my acne..and since it's meant to be avoided i started drinking milk tea more LOL i like to hurt myself with dairy and angst fics, what can i say 🤷🏻‍♀️

omg i feel like i grew around 9th grade and just stopped from there lmao and then especially after kids just kept growing wider 👁👄👁 having a shorter torso doesn't help either!! everytime i go to buy alcohol or cigarettes for someone i just know to keep my id out bc they will ask lmao

yeah that's why i'm seriously considering the discreet small ones!! but i kinda also want a bigger like side of body piece..👉👈 one day 🤞 yes i want more piercings too!! but more ear ones 😂 i only have my basic ear ones at the moment. can't wait til we actually move forward with these decisions!

ugh parents just love to treat their teenagers like little kids... yet complain when they don't know how to do anything/be independent🙄i look at how i was raised and if i ever have kids i know exactly how NOT to raise them🤣🤣aaaa i'm so glad u reached out i love our conversations!!!🥰🥰🥰

love are u trying to kill me with that gif??? loey my love you need to sTOP before i ACT OUT😳👉🏻👈🏻jun's "baby girl" in tempo lives in my mind rent free... as well as the part in white noise from 2:05-the end oh my goodness... this thing has been happening where i'm in between getting out of rem sleep and actually opening my eyes and a song plays in my head... like this morning i heard jopping but i've heard yixing's amusement park and other exo songs and honestly i love that :D i should keep a record of all the songs i've heard (if i can remember them loool)🤣🤣

i actually follow a small musician who has both bipolar disorder and BPD and she makes songs about her mental health journey and a lot of stuff in her life and she also raises awareness for mental health too! her name is madi and she's honestly amazing and so underrated!

omg i hope u don't mind beta-ing! once i finish requests i'll start planning the series!! i won't write dae's though simply bc i'm not comfortable with writing about people who are married (i may imply he went on the date w/ his wife loool) aghh i want to get korean bbq so baddddd nowww ihurjgirjgi,, but ayy omg i'm also lactose intolerant!! i don't drink milk or eat cheese but sometimes if i want to suffer i eat ice cream loll!! omg i didn't know there's green apple tea that sounds sooo good!!

agh my tummy sticks out a lot it's not fun )): i lost a lot of weight last year around this time but then i eventually gained it back bc i ate a lot lol we love that,, i feel like my torso is normal size but honestly i don't feel like getting out of bed to look🤣🤣maybe later🤣🤣

the biggest tattoo i plan to get i think is an arrow on my ankle but it's more long than wide lol,, i also only have my basic ear piercings and i'm just gonna wait till i move out and get a decent amount of money saved before i get a tattoo/piercing lolll

[spacejunk30]

ahhhh it’s been soooo loooong since i last posted my thoughts here

probably bc some things/someone has taken up all my time already

in the most fulfilling, loving, comfortable way possible

sooooo much has happened in my life in the past year

tonight is nothing special, an ordinary 1am of just listening to music in my room (Memories by Thutmose, from the Spider-Verse OST)

i just wanted to tell myself how happy i am with my life right now, it’s *almost* perfect... just like how i felt when i was a bit younger...

[/] out to my parents
[/] very supportive and loving girlfriend
[/] super fun friends i hangout with
[/] other friends are out there making the most of their life, others are struggling but i know they will be ok (i hope)
[/] listening to music makes me feel REALLY HAPPY AND CONTENTED
[/] very motivated to study everyday for the licensure examination
[/] things are slowly falling into place for when we apply for an Aus visa
[/] there are a lot of things that i look forward to, makes me want to wake up everyday and really go out there and do my thing
[/] self-deprecating jokes are no longer cool
[/] maybe a bit more responsible and mature with my thoughts/actions/feelings
[/] 160k + 120k IN MY BANK ACCOUNT (THANK YOU DADDY AND OTHER DADDY ASDJHDSAKLJH)
[/] spoiling my gf with flowers, art, food, & tickets to a musical we both want to watch!!!!!!!!! :D
[/] lmao im actually tearing up just thinking about how happy and loved i am what the fuck sana all the time pls
[/] DESPITE THESE I STILL HAVE ANXIETY EVERYDAY AND SO MANY THINGS TO BE STRESSFUL ABOUT AND SO MUCH MORE TO ACCOMPLISH BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY MY HEART IS FULL OF LOVE AND SACRIFICES ARE GOING TO BE WORTH IT

EDIT: wish i didnt delete all my old posts and rants and sappy feelings just to see how much ive improved/recovered and how my disposition is so much better nowww but it’s ok i’ll prolly just cringe anw

[swatch-dogs-and-diet-cokeheads]

Hi Poldarkians! (Fellow Poldark fans, whatever we call ourselves xD).

I just wanted to drop a quick note about something here. Not a huge deal, but for those who reblog my gifs/edits, I would appreciate it if you’d give it a read! Lately, I’ve noticed some of my works, namely things concerning Francis, have become springboards for some debates and discussions. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that! In fact, it’s awesome if my stuff inspires people to discuss things. However, like most people do, I always check the notes/reblogs on my stuff, to see what people are saying about it :). Nowww, needless to say, it’s not so nice when something that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into, becomes a place for people to flame/strongly criticize the character in question.

Of course, everyone is absolutely entitled to their opinion, and to talk about whatever they want. However, I would really, really appreciate it, if people wouldn’t use my stuff as a host for their debates/analyses. If I frequently create content for a character, it’s safe to assume that I probably love said character a lot, so it’s not super fun to see the reception blocked up with negative commentary. Again, it’s totally cool if my stuff inspires people to discuss things, I would just appreciate it if people wouldn’t do it on the post itself.

And, since we’re primarily talking about Francis here, I’ll go ahead and say that I am the first person to read him for filth for all the horrible shit he’s done. But, that doesn’t mean I enjoy seeing people bash him on the content that I make for him. Especially when the content has absolutely nothing to do with his various sins against Elizabeth humanity xD. It’s one thing for someone to talk in the tags, or leave an occasional comment, it’s another thing when a lengthy exchange floods the notes. Again, it’s by no means a big deal, and obviously this is the internet and people can do as they please, but I would appreciate it ^^. Thank you for reading this, and thank you to everyone who likes/reblogs my stuff <3. Have a good one!

[sh-lan]

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ

[erinschultzuniverse]

We Are All So Much More Than Our Career Choices

I learned this lesson the hard way.

Since I did not have an early upbringing that instilled in me a solid self-worth no matter what, I have always based all of that self-worth stuff on the level of my achievements (and even the great ones were not worth much early on in my life, at least to those I was listening to). This all caught up with me in my 30s, when I went through a struggle for less than nothing trying to “make it” in local journalism -- the pursuit of which itself is an oxymoron.

I’m putting together a book entitled Nightmares in Journalism, because I’d like people to avoid the shitshows I found myself dealing with in recent years. And I want to start blogging a little bit of what’s on the menu here. Every day, I am on a great service called Help a Reporter Out (HARO), looking for media placements for my clients in my current job as a publicist, but lately I’ve also been looking for myself. The responses that don’t get picked up by reporters, I’m going to post here. 

This one is about my experience being not-employed in a full-time career sense for a solid 18 months from 2014 - 2015. Please me know how you think I dealt with the #nightmaresinjournalism

-----------------------------------------------

Hi Matt --

I saw your query about re-entering the workforce after a long gap a while ago, and I hope it's not too late to respond, because I pretty much went through hell and back trying to reestablish myself in my journalism career after an 18-month slump of nothing-ness in 2014 - 2015 at the age of 38 -- only to find that journalism was not for me anymore.

In April of 2014, I got laid off from a job with Hibu (formerly known as Yellowbook) as a publication manager / editor of a series of new glossy magazines covering various communities on the East End on Long Island (the Hamptons, etc). I took this job a year before that, because my job as a local editor for a Patch.com website on Long Island was about to also hit the chopping block (hundreds at Patch were laid off by AOL in early 2013). I had been with Patch since mid-2010 -- almost three years. Before that, I was a staff writer at a local weekly newspaper also on the East End of LI, taking that job after graduating from Columbia University J school in 2008 at the age of 31 with my masters degree.

Before my foray into full-time journalism, I worked primarily in retail and as a working musician -- but I also made money doing freelance writing. My point is that my entire adult like, from the ages of 17 until 37, I would either be in school or I was working, and I could pay the bills -- no problem. Then suddenly, in April of 2014, this workhorse was completely unemployed, facing the most debt she's ever had in her life and the highest cost of living she's ever had.

I was absolutely lost in space for about 18 months. I could not get another job in media that suited what I knew I needed in work and lifestyle. I swore I would never work in an office environment again, as Patch and Hibu were remote-working jobs. But I also knew I did not want to ever work in local media again, with the 24-7 demands and less-than-zero payoff. And going back to bartending and retail jobs were not going to pay the bills I now had in my late 30s.

Eventually, I had to break the lease on my apartment. I put all of my stuff in storage and ended up couch surfing at various friends' houses. I had to find a place for my cat to stay as most people could not have pets. Some of these friends did not have internet, so I felt like a homeless person hanging out at local libraries just to have internet and search for jobs every day.

In mid-December of 2014, when my unemployment money dried up, I finally decided enough was enough and packed up my car, grabbed my cat and drove 800 miles to Michigan to live with my mother -- something I never thought I would have to do.

There, the daily job search continued. I worked every job board I could, bugged my existing network of colleagues and finally had to take a part-time bartending job at a local hotel I used to go to for various functions as a teenager in high school. Behind the bar, I would see teachers and towny people I had not seen since I was 17.

"Soooo... thisssss is what you're doing nowww..... "

Ugh. Talk about hitting rock bottom.

This went on for another 10 months. I had scored a few phone interviews and actually flew out to NYC to interview in person for an editor job at SourceMedia -- but it was disappointment after disappointment. Was I losing heart? Of course I was. But I had to hang on somehow.

I let up on the job search for a few weeks after so many rejections and did some soul searching -- why was this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Could there be something wrong with ME? I decided to train for the NYC marathon -- a great way to get back in touch with "the zen of myself." As the weather warmed, I got tan and found my athletic build again and walked to work almost every day. I reconnected with old high school friends, tried to just have fun at the bartending job and made new friends at local pubs and karaoke nights. And, most importantly, I finally saw Madonna in concert in Detroit with an old college buddy.

Yes, it IS possible to enjoy rock bottom when you're there. I mean, why not? What have you got to lose?

And of course, once my attitude shifted from anxiety, depression and frustration over career crap (and banging my head against useless online job boards daily) and back to basic enjoyment of life -- which helped me develop a lightheartedness about everything I was experiencing, everything I thought I had no control over -- I got a job.

After 18 months of identifying myself as an unemployed journalist, I re-entered the workforce in October of 2015 as an editor in the contributors department at Entrepreneur.com in NYC. And all it took was a chance sighting of a colleague of a colleague who'd posted something on Facebook about Entrepreneur looking for an editor. That's it. No job boards, just someone I knew who knew someone. Of course.

I had to relocate, I had to take an hour train ride to and from NYC to edit stories in an office for eight hours a day. Not ideal at all after having not been in a nine-to-five office grind gig in years. It was an elaborate copy editing job way below my skill level (and there were other issues with micromanaging and stifling company culture, etc). I lasted only 10 months there, but my re-entry into the workforce after 18 months of unemployment hell and all that struggle with jobs before all that showed me one thing for sure -- that I didn't want to be in full-time journalism anymore.

And it's a great step forward in life to know what you don't want.

In July of 2016, largely because of my association with Entrepreneur, I hired in as a publicist at The Publicity Guy as an account manager, working with ambitious entrepreneurial clients from all over the world, helping them help themselves get media exposure. I am again able to work from home, the hours are flexible, and I am a happy camper.

My advice to those deep down in the middle of a long unemployment experience is to not be so hard on yourself. Don't be ashamed to ask friends for help or to move in with family members for a while. People are willing to help you. Try to enjoy the shift in your routine (i.e., try not to think of it as "rock bottom" -- it's just another life experience). And as long as you stay active in trying to re-enter the workforce by applying for jobs daily and / or taking on related freelance work, most employers will not judge you for a long gap in full-time employment.

Most importantly, take the time to reconnect with yourself. For me, being unemployed was freeing in that I finally shed the idea that I HAD to identify myself and my whole world "as a journalist,” and my achievements within that. We are all a lot more than our career choices.