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#i want to be okay. i want to be normal and happy and everything but thats not whats palnned for me
harrywavycurly · 2 days
Note
Ohhh sarahhh I’ve been thinking about this all week and it’s just what if Harry was our sugar daddy and we needed something in a time crunch and didn’t tell him?? So we bought it ourselves and he finds out?? But like make it fluffy??🫠🫠🩷
Hiii babes!!! Sugar daddy Harry? I’m listening 👀🤤 also I’ve never written him as a sugar daddy so I went with him just being his regular famous self so hope that’s okay with you? Also the thing you end up buying is the first idea that came to my mind for needing to buy it in a time crunch, hope you enjoy!💖
CW: Mentions of a slight panic attack, talks about money
A/N: You and Harry have a very special relationship and you did something he might not be too happy about, not gonna lie this is a tiny bit dramatic but also fluffy so hope you enjoy✨
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You’re anxious, you keep looking at the clock on the stove in your kitchen knowing that any minute now your boyfriend will be walking through your door because it’s Sunday and you and Harry have been spending every Sunday afternoon together since you started dating almost a year ago. It’s the one day a week the two of you don’t make plans and just see where the day takes you, sometimes the two of you end up at the beach soaking up some sun while reading or sometimes you don’t even leave your apartment and just enjoy each others company. But today you’re on edge because you did something the day before that might have the man that’s usually all dimpled grins and soft loving gazes when it comes to you to be a little mad or upset with you when he finds out. Because that’s the thing, you know he’s going to find out because you’re going to tell him but you just don’t know when because Harry looks forward to his Sunday afternoons with you and you just don’t want to ruin the day for him.
It’s not as if you did something so wrong that he’ll be angry, Harry very rarely gets angry especially with you. The issue is that your relationship with Harry isn’t like any other relationship you’ve been in before and it oddly enough has nothing to do with the fact he’s Harry Styles, a world famous musician, it has to do with the fact Harry enjoys paying for everything. When you met him almost a year ago you didn’t even expect him to even notice you in the crowded bar let alone find you interesting enough to want to ask for your phone number but he did. It was around your fourth date with him that he decided to let you know exactly what he was looking for because he could tell he was already starting to like you so it would be better to put everything out in the open so you could tell him if this was something you would even be interested in.
You knew Harry had money, even if you didn’t know who he was you would’ve been able to tell simply by the way he dressed and the cars he drove when he felt like driving himself and not calling for his personal driver or by the expensive dates he took you on. You just never thought he would be looking for someone to spend his money on because you were used to men wanting you to contribute to paying for things in someway such as covering the bill on some dates or paying for gas when you’d go on road trips so Harry telling you he was looking for someone to dote on and spoil in terms of money took you by surprise. He made it a point to explain that aside from the money aspect of things, everything else he wanted in a relationship was pretty normal or as normal as he could offer due to his sometimes hectic lifestyle. But it was an easy decision to make because you liked Harry and wanted to see where this could go so you told him you were happy to give it a go and the smile he gave you was all the reassurance you needed that you made the right choice.
Harry told you he’d be patient with you as this type of relationship can take time to get used to and patient he was, he would just give you a playful glare and softly pinch your elbow when you’d reach for your wallet at the checkout of a store or sometimes he would simply distract you with a hand on the side of your neck pulling you in for a kiss that would leave you breathless and your mind a bit of a muddled mess letting him quickly place his card down without you noticing. You learned that Harry not only wanted to pay for things he knew you considered luxury items such as a new Gucci bag or some designer sunglasses but he got the most joy out of buying you things you actually needed such as your weekly groceries or your rent, that being the latest thing he was adamant on wanting to take over for you.
Harry’s whole thing with wanting to pay for everything is that it not only makes your life a little less stressful but it makes him feel needed. Harry has explained that at the end of the day that’s really what he craves the most, knowing that you actually need him and that’s just his personality, he has this desire to be wanted and needed by you so much that money is actually a small but still important part of it all. So when he finds out what you did while he won’t be angry, you can’t help but think he will be a little annoyed and upset with you.
“Hey baby.” Harry’s arms wrapping around your waist makes you jump the tinniest bit having not heard him even come in due to being lost in your thoughts. “You okay?” He asks as he places his lips to the side of your head while he pulls you closer so your back is flush with his chest.
“I’m good yeah I just didn’t hear you come in.” You explain as you bring your hands up and place them over his. He just hums in response as he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck making you smile. “What did you want to do today?” You ask as he loosens his hold on your waist and gives your neck a soft kiss before lifting his head allowing you to turn around in his arms.
“There she is.” You smile as Harry looks down at you with a soft smile as his bright eyes slowly roam over your face before they land on yours and you don’t miss the way the corners of Harry’s mouth twitch as he fights back a smirk when you feel your cheeks get warm, because even after almost a year you still find yourself getting flustered when he stares at you. “How was your day with the girls? Didn’t get into too much trouble did you love?” You feel your anxiousness begin to resurface at the mention of yesterday causing you to look away from him and wiggle out of his hold so you can walk towards your fridge and pull out a bottle of water.
“Uhm it was-” You start to explain as you go to turn around so your back is facing the fridge but Harry is already standing in front of you making your words get lost in your throat, his facial expression is one of confusion but also worry as he takes the bottle from your hands so he can place it on the counter behind him before turning his attention back to you.
“What happened?” You want to melt at how concerned he sounds but all you do is feel a sense of guilt for causing him to worry, you look down at your feet but he only allows it for a moment before his index finger is under your chin gently tilting your head up so you’re looking at him. “What happened baby? Did someone do-”
“No no it’s nothing like that I just.” You mentally curse yourself when you feel a familiar stinging at the back of your eyes and a lump forming in your throat. “I don’t want to make you upset because you’re so good to me-I didn’t think I just did it and I know we have rules for this but I just forgot about it and then I was in a rush and and I panicked I’m sorry I’m so sor-” Harry’s hands cupping the sides of your face as he bends his knees a bit so he’s eye level with you brings your rambling to a stop as his thumbs ever so gently wipe away the few tears that escape when you blink at him a few times.
“Sweetheart I need you to take a few deep breaths for me okay?” Harry’s voice is soothing but with the smallest hint of sternness that he knows you need in moments like this so you’ll be more inclined to do what he asks. “Breathe in,” you mimic him as he takes a deep breath and holds it a few seconds. “Good girl now let it out but slowly.” He smiles when you slowly breathe out and repeat that process a few more times before you feel your heartbeat begin to go back to normal as he unbends his knees and stands up straighter and you just swallow the lump in your throat as your eyes look down at Harry’s forearms only to see your hands tightly wrapped around them in an attempt to feel grounded to something.
“Look at me please.” You instantly snap your eyes up to meet his stare, the soft smile he gives you makes your heart flutter in your chest. “What’s got you so worked up hmm?” He asks before he leans down and presses his lips against your forehead making you let out a sigh at his comforting gesture.
“I bought something last night that was expensive and I did it without even bringing it up to you.” You want to close your eyes so you don’t have to see his reaction to your confession but you don’t, you just watch him slowly nod his head but when you don’t elaborate further he quirks a brow at you.
“Is that it?” The way he calmly asks the question takes you by surprise, so you drop your hands from his forearms and Harry knows you’re going to try to get out of his grasp so he drops his hands from your face and quickly wraps them around your wrists. “What did you buy?” He asks as you stare at him with a look of almost disbelief on your face making Harry just tilt his head to the side a bit as he waits for you to answer.
“Concert tickets uh are you-you not mad at me?” Harry can’t help the chuckle that comes out of him as he shakes his head at you.
“Mad? No baby I’m not mad at you.” He can’t help but feel a little bad for somehow giving you the impression that you buying something without telling him would cause him to be mad at you resulting in you almost having a full on panic attack while trying to tell him about it.
“I used my own money and everything though and I know we have rules-”
“And what are those rules love?” You watch with slightly wide eyes as Harry brings your hands up to his lips as he asks you the question, you feel his lips on your knuckles as he patiently waits for you to recite the rules to him.
“I’m not supposed to spend my own money unless we talked about it before hand.” Your voice isn’t as shaky as you tell Harry the main rule the two of you have regarding money, he just smiles and nods as he lets go of your wrists so he can place his hands on your hips.
“And did we talk about these concert tickets?” You slowly shake your head as you place your palms flat against Harry’s chest feeling the soft material of his worn out t shirt. “Are you sure? You don’t normally break the rules love so just tell me what happened.” The deepness of his voice makes you relax as you feel his hands give your hips a little squeeze encouraging you to speak.
“I don’t think we did? I just forgot they were going on sale and then I got the email about it so without really thinking I got online and then I was in the ticket queue for like half an hour and then my card was the only one saved and I only had five minutes to complete the checkout so I just-”
“Panicked?”
“Yes.” You can’t really say much else because it’s the truth, you were in a rush and in the moment you didn’t think to even call Harry because what if by the time he gave you his card information the timer went out? Then you’d have to do the whole process all over again and it was already stressful.
“You have one of my cards in your wallet baby why didn’t you just use that to buy them?” He’s not asking in a mean way he’s just genuinely curious as to why you didn’t try to use the card you carry around with you.
“Well that’s the uh other thing.” Harry already knows what you’re going to say before you say it so he just lets out a sigh and shakes his head playfully at you.
“You left it at your friend’s house didn’t you?” When you just nod your head at him he lets out a breathy laugh as one of his hands comes up to the side of your neck. “What am I going to do with you?” You still find yourself in a bit of shock that he’s not mad or even a little annoyed with you so you just shrug and look at his chest where his cross pendant lays against his shirt.
“If it uhm makes you feel better I got really crappy seats.” Harry lets out a scoff making you look at him as your hands go from his chest to the tops of his shoulders.
“Why would that make me feel better?” You feel him pull you a little closer as he leans back against your counter.
“Because I broke the rules so it can be my punishment?” Harry rubs his lips together as it all begins to click for him what exactly is going on in your mind. When the two of you first started dating he knew you were new to this type of situation but he’s not quite sure where along the lines he gave you the impression that if you broke a rule that you were going to be reprimanded for it because when it comes to you Harry doesn’t think he has it in him to punish you, especially in a way that would make you unhappy.
“Rules can get broken every now and then love it’s okay.” He explains as his hands slide from your hips to your lower back. “I don’t want you to think you’re going to be punished when it happens though because that’s not how this works.” You feel his hands slowly begin to run up and down your back making you relax under his touch. “I do things for you to make your life a little easier but I also just want to make you happy because that’s what makes me happy.” His tone is extra soft as he reminds you why he does the things he does for you.
“You make me very happy.” Harry smiles at your words as he leans down and places a kiss to your forehead.
“Good.” Is all he says before you feel his lips on yours making your hands go from his shoulders to the back of his neck pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. “You know I’m not going to let you keep your shitty seats right? I’m going to have to fix that.” He tells you when he finally pulls away and you just nod because of course Harry isn’t going to let you go to a concert and have bad seats.
“Okay.”
“Where is the show at?”
“The Forum.”
“Oh really? I’m sort of familiar with that venue.” You just playfully roll your eyes at Harry’s teasing tone making him laugh as he leans down and places a kiss to your cheek. “Where are your seats?”
“Uh section 233.” Harry nods as you begin playing with the hair at the back of his neck. “I got four tickets.”
“Am I invited?” He asks with a playful smirk and you just nod. “And you wanted me to sit in a shitty seat?” He jokes as you bring your hands from around his neck to try to hide your face making Harry laugh as your cheeks get warm from embarrassment. “Just give me the details and I’ll handle it baby.” He wraps his hands around your wrists so he can pull your hands away from your face.
“Okay.” You say with a nod while Harry gives you a warm smile. “Can we have a lazy day?” You ask expecting him to just nod and pull you into his arms so he can hold you a bit but to your surprise he shakes his head as he stands up and drops your hands from his.
“Sorry love we have a few errands to run.” You raise an eyebrow as he grabs one of your hands and interlocks his fingers with yours before leading you out of the kitchen and towards your front door. “Firstly we need to go get your wallet and then I’m thinking a little shopping?” The mention of shopping lets you know this is Harry’s way of getting to spend money on you to sort of make up for the money you spent yesterday but you also won’t be surprised if later in the week he sends you the amount you spent on the tickets to put back into your account.
“Then we can cuddle on the couch and watch a movie?” Harry turns to look at you before he grabs his keys from the table by your front door, he can’t help the grin that takes over his face at how adorable you look standing there asking him for a cuddle.
“Yes then we can have a cuddle.” He answers before he leans in and places a quick kiss to your lips making you smile. “I love you sweetheart you know that right?” You nod as he gives your hand a nice squeeze.
“I know and I love you too.” He can’t help himself when he steals another kiss from you making you giggle when he pulls away.
“Good now let’s get going.”
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hunnyswift · 3 days
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prologue: i died on the altar
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summary: this was supposed to be the most wonderful day of your life; you were marrying the man you wanted to spend forever with. that was until you were standing at the altar , hand in hand with bradley , that he decided to make this day the worst of your life instead.
cw: profanity , accusing bradley of cheating ( he would never! ) , being left at the altar , mentions of canon death of a character , mean!reader , and i think that’s it!
casting: chace crawford as danny , michael b. jordan as harrison , zac efron as casey , jamie chung as cierra , and bianca santos as liv
18+ minors dni
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you were standing in your childhood bedroom , looking out the window into the backyard that had been transformed into your dream wedding. there were flowers , friends , and family scattered all around. it couldn’t be more perfect weather , sun shining bright but not so much to where you’d be sweating through your white dress.
the only other person in the room with you was your mother. until you heard a knock on the door , you rush to it , opening it wide and smiling when you saw your best friend. “danny! i thought you were going to be late!” you laughed , yanking the man into a hug, “i’m completely ready and you’re just now getting here?”
danny walked into the room , kissing your mother on the cheek. “connie forgot the rings , so i had to run to mom and dad’s before the ceremony. sorry for taking so long,” he explained , sitting down on the edge of your bed and taking you in. your hair was done , makeup perfected , and the dress “wow , you look sublime , squirt.” you blushed , swishing around the bottom of your dress for effect.
“oh ya know , just getting married. gotta try and look good so he doesn’t run,” you joked , sitting down next to him, “mom , give us a minute?”
your mother smiled sweetly , nodding at the two of you before taking her exit from the room. danny could feel the nerves coming off of you. it was making him nervous , and he wasn’t the one getting hitched. “i think bradley is cheating on me.” you blurted , your hand flying up to cover your mouth. it wasn’t supposed to come out like that.
“what the hell are you talking about?” danny catechized you , eyes going wide as your mouth.
“he’s been acting weird. not normal wedding coming up jitters weird. like standoffish and elusive and secretive. and i think he’s cheating,” you rambled on , breathing coming quicker than before, “and even case and harrison have been off. i just feel like there’s this big secret i’m not in on , and it’s that bradley’s cheating.”
danny grabbed your hand and looked you in the eyes. “trust me , bradley isn’t cheating on you. there’s no way. he’s probably just got a surprise for you as a wedding gift or something,” he’d explained , trying his best to calm your nerves, “look , it’s five til , he’s on his way downstairs any minute , and you’re going to walk down the aisle to him and get married , y/n. this is just nerves.”
you take a deep breath with danny , closing your eyes and breathing out slowly. “you’re right,” you decided. bradley wasn’t cheating on you. you were nervous and coming up with disasters in your head to fuel the fire in your stomach. “okay , okay. go! i’m gonna wait for my dad to walk me and then get married.”
“atta girl!” danny cheered , hopping up from the bed and kissing your temple before rushing out the room and down to his position.
as the door clicked behind your man of honor , you stood in the mirror , checking over everything. your hair was done , your makeup was set , your dress was perfect , and most importantly , your fiancé was downstairs waiting to marry you. your eyes flicker to the ceiling for a moment , “thank you , carole and nick. we love you,” you whispered , holding onto the necklace bradley’s mother left for you.
they’d be so happy to know you and bradley did in fact end up together.
a knock at the door pulled you from your moment of silence. “princess? time to get hitched,” your dad smile came from behind the door , peeking his head around the corner.
just like bradley’s mother , your father was just as adamant about you two getting together. he helped raised bradley , knew he was a good man. he let him into the family with no problems , always hoping you’d fall for bradley like he had. ron loved bradley like his own. it almost seemed like he was more excited for the marriage than you two were.
“i’m ready , daddy,” you beamed , leaving the room with your arm in his, “brad waiting for me down there right?” you laughed lightly.
your father let out a hearty chuckle with you , helping you down the stairs. “i might just have to kill him if he wasn’t.”
he was.
as the song started playing , you and your dad made your way to the bunches of flowers set up behind your groom. there he was , standing with his hands behind his back , tears in his eyes , and the biggest smile on his face.
you finally reached him , your smile matching his , practically blinding your friends as family as they watched the two of you almost kiss out of instinct.
“you look perfect,” you whispered , tears coming to your eyes, “everything is perfect.”
“you’re perfect,” bradley sighed , holding your hands in his. god , he hated himself right now. you were perfect , the exact person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with , but he knew in that moment it wouldn’t be long enough. convinced he was destined to have the same fate as his father , bradley couldn’t leave you alone that way.
there was a moment of silence as you both took each other in and everyone settled in their seats. “can we —“ bradley cleared his throat , his words coming out far weaker than he expected, “can we talk really quick? in private?” he asked , eyes pleading and watery.
“honey , we’ll have plenty of time for that after we get married. time and place,” you giggled , thinking he wanted to take a few moments for a quickie upstairs. while that was true , you looked beautiful and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander and think about how amazing the night could end.
“no , we need to talk first,” he reassured you , hands squeezing yours far too tight.
your eyes darted around , looking at casey and harrison behind your groom before meeting bradley’s gaze again. “okay?” you mumble a quick sorry to the pastor and start to walk back down the aisle with bradley , whispering you’ll be right back to your guests.
once you get into the house , bradley lets out a deep breath , like he’d been holding it in all morning. “are you okay? what’s going on?” his back was to you , hands planted on the kitchen island as he focused on his breathing. “bradley thomas , what is going on?”
he finally turned to look at you , the tears running down his face far different than a few minutes ago. these ones were filled with regret , a deep seeded sadness that you’d only seen once or twice before. “i can’t marry you.”
you didn’t hear anything after that.
you were right. you told danny you had a gut feeling. you knew something would go wrong. you knew it. after years of being together , today was supposed to be a dream and with just four words it’s your worst nightmare.
“what?” you choked out , tears filling your eyes once again, “what do you mean?”
“i can’t — i can’t marry you,” he repeated , looking down at his feet. how could he possibly say all of this and not look at you?
“look at me and say it again,” you demanded , chest rising and falling quicker with your uneven breaths. it took a moment , but his brown eyes met yours and he repeated the words , softer this time , but just as clear. “why not?” he turned away from you again. “why the hell not , bradley?” your voice was louder now , anger seeping through your words just as much as the hurt and confusion.
“i don’t want to,” he lied, “i don’t want to get married anymore ; i don’t want to be with you.” if you didn’t kill him , he thought he should maybe do the job for you.
“so…” your turn to take a deep breath, “after eleven years together , you’ve decided in what? the last twenty-four hours you’re over it? you’re just willing to throw everything away for what?” you were trying to figure it out , but bradley wasn’t giving you anything. he stood silent , eyes fallen on the floor once again , where he stared at your heels that carole wore on her wedding day.
“i’ve gotta focus on my career right now , honey,” bradley groaned at the lie, “getting married just isn’t what i need to do.”
“oh , my god! are you kidding?” you laughed , hands resting on your hips as you look to the sky in disbelief, “are you hearing this?”
“i’m sor—“
“shut the hell up,” you barked , finger pointing at bradley like a gun, “your — wow , your parents would hate to see you right now,” you scoffed , shaking your head violently.
“excuse me?” both of your tears had dried , exasperation and hurt flowing between you two in words now.
“you want me to repeat it? your parents would be disappointed , bradley. i mean , can you imagine having to go home and tell that what you’re doing to me right now?” it was mean , cruel even. you knew that , but you couldn’t stop the words from coming out.
“okay,” bradley hummed , taking a few steps away from you.
the silence was killing you , and him. a knock on the back door pulled the two of you out of whatever was going on. “hey,” casey peeked his head in the house, “slider’s asking what’s taking so long?”
“shut up and go back outside before i kill you , casey,” you growl , head turning to him quickly. yes , your anger was slightly displaced , but it’s not like he had no idea what was happening. the red eyes bradley adorned were clear , and your makeup was mussed up from your own tears.
casey’s eyes glanced between his best friends , turning to look outside at the waiting crowd. “i know , but people are getting impatient?”
“tell them she’ll be out in a second,” bradley spoke up , voice uneven as ever. your friend nodded , closing the door quietly behind him. you both watched as he went up front and explained to the guests you two were taking a moment to yourselves. “i think that’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me,” he stated , going back to your conversation before the interruption.
“you saying you can’t marry me is the worst thing you’ve said to me,” you replied, “guess we’re both hitting lows today.”
“guess so.” it almost came out as a laugh. truly , the situation wasn’t funny , not to bradley and not to you. “i’m gonna get my stuff,” he announced , pointing over his shoulder to the guest room he was set up in for the day.
your face was still hot , breathing shallow. “bradley?” a whisper left your lips , getting him to stop and look back to you again. he took a step toward you again , scanning your face for any idea of what you might say to him now. “if you do this , there is no fixing us. you leave and we are over.”
“baby , we’re arguing in the kitchen we grew up in on our wedding day with all of our friends and family watching from the windows,” he sighed, “we’re already over.”
your eyes wandered to the backyard seeing that bradley was right. everyone was looking , trying to decipher what was happening to the happy couple. thankfully , your yelling wasn’t heard , but the tears were seen.
bradley began his way up the stairs to pack up , but you follow closely behind. “tell me about the moment you knew you wanted to marry me,” you requested , wringing your hands together as you stood behind him packing his bag.
“y/n , please don’t make this harder than it already is. please,” bradley begged , pausing only for a moment before resuming his getaway.
“please , bradley? one last time?” you hoped he would tell you the story.
it was one of those weekends that danny had managed to come out to your college campus. it was a surprise ; he just showed up to the house you all lived in with a bag packed and ready to party. you , bradley , danny , harrison , his girlfriend cierraa , casey , and casey’s new girlfriend liv were all pregaming at the house before heading to the bars.
“you know , i don’t think i’ve ever seen squirt say yes to a free beer and not bring it to you,” harrison laughed , watching you making your way through the crowd back to the boys with liv and cierra behind you. you all had beers in your hands , all of them meant for your boys. you carried two and laughed harder than the other girls.
“i’m gonna marry that girl,” bradley smiled , eyeing the way you moved around everyone else on your way back to him like always.
“it was as simple as that,” bradley shrugged , sitting on the bed now, “i mean , i always knew , but that moment in time i knew.” your eyes were flooded with tears once again as you stood in front of bradley.
“so what’s changed?” you asked , lowering to your knees as you tried to find bradley’s eyes again, “why don’t you know anymore?”
“all i know is that i can’t marry you , squirt,” he answered with another shrug, “oh , i want to. i really do , but honey , i can’t.”
his hands found your face , swiping at the tears that were running through your makeup as you sniffled. “why? i just don’t understand why,” you cried , holding onto his wrists tightly.
“i can’t,” bradley simply said. he couldn’t marry you , and he couldn’t tell you why , and he couldn’t bear to watch you cry any longer. “go , baby. they’re all waiting for you,” he tried to smile , nodding his head in the general direction of the wedding to not be.
“i don’t want to without you,” you sighed , getting more comfortable on your knees. you didn’t plan on leaving this room unless it was hand in hand with your fiancé. “i love you , bradley.”
“oh , god. i love you too,” he replied softly , pressing a kiss on your lips so soft you don’t think your brain even recognized it until it was over. you chased him , leaning in for another which he gladly gave you. “i love you enough to let you go , so go. please.”
your eyes stayed closed , but you felt bradley shifting and standing up to continuing grabbing his things. it took you a minute to stand. you dusted your dress off and turned around not saying another word as you left the room and headed back outside.
at that point , everyone was mingling again as they waited for the wedding to go on. the second you opened the back doors , all eyes were on you. one look at your face and everyone’s gaze turned empathetic rather excited.
“everyone—“ your voice cracked, “you can all go home. the wedding’s off,” you announced. the only person you could bring yourself to look at was your father. in a flash , slider was rushing past you and running on the stairs to find bradley— to kill bradley.
danny , cierra , and liv all came to your side , pulling you around the front away from the prying eyes of your guests. “c’mon , babe,” cierra whispered , wrapping you in her arms.
you could hear the yelling from upstairs all the way outside. it was your dad. bradley was silent. “where do you want to go?” liv asked , looking around the small group just as casey and harrison found you all.
“what happened? what’s going on?” harrison questioned ; he had no clue. casey was quiet. danny was on the phone , texting your mom small updates as your friends all talked.
“bradley left me,” you deadpan , your face now void of emotions just like your voice, “we’re done. it’s all over.”
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yallllll it’s finally out. it’s a long one , but i wanted to fit it all in for chapter one. lmk what you think<3
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jaykesgirly · 1 day
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Park Jongseong fluff/comfort blurb
bf!Jay x injured reader
warnings: angst? I don't really know but if you get emotional reading this that's why that warning is there. Also mentions of surgery
a/n: this is completely fully self-indulgent and a very niche topic based on my personal experience LMFAO I just needed to get it out into writing so if you don't get the appeal to it or relate or whatever, this was your heads up. I also just do not know how to title this at all so here we go
I can see Jay being very present in terms of helping you recover from a severe injury like an ACL tear (like I said this is very niche). The recovery from that surgery takes months of rehabilitation and those first few weeks are absolute hell to go through. Jay would do his very best to help you in any way, especially when you are still on crutches.
Since you can barely do anything yourself, he offers to take you anywhere you need to be (pretend he can drive LOL), cook for you, clean if you need to, and help you get around the house. He would be very attentive to your needs, often doing things for you without asking since you're passed out on your bed in hopes the pain dies down even the tiniest bit. The constant reassurance this man will give you that it is okay to ask for help (especially if you're the hyper-independent type) is astronomical; he just wants to make sure you know that he is there for you and always will be.
However, sometimes it can get a little too overbearing. You just had most of your life stripped away from you with this injury and surgery, so sometimes it's harder to accept help from someone in response to wanting to feel like things are normal. Not wanting to overstep, Jay will take a step back as needed, but he will never fully leave you to yourself. There are too many emotions running through your head and he doesn't want to leave you alone to dwell on them. Instead, he lets you vent out your frustrations (even if it involves throwing your crutches to the floor) and offers to help in any way once you have cooled down.
Jay will also be there for you if you need a shoulder to cry on. Again, this recovery is difficult, and many emotions come with it. Your life had just been turned upside down for the absolute worst and sometimes you just need to sob it out. Instead of telling you everything will be okay, Jay would let you talk everything out first and then let you know everything you feel is valid. He is your biggest supporter, and he wants to see you push through this injury no matter how difficult it may be. Jay will always be there for you through the angry, sad, and somewhat happy moments of this recovery.
Especially through the rehabilitation process. Once you start reaching milestones in your physical therapy, he will always find ways to celebrate them with you. After the first major one, walking without crutches, he took you to a beautiful park where you two shared a lovely picnic date. Since then Jay made it his goal to celebrate each major or minor step in this recovery, and you were thankful to have such a loving partner to help you through it.
a/n: sorry if this is messy as fuck I genuinely just used this as a way to escape my own thoughts LMFAO but I hope you enjoyed it? I don't even know anymore. also, this isn't proofread so if there are errors it's because I really just word vomited everything.
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ruewrote · 8 hours
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𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢.
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PAIRING: 3A!denkikaminari x gn!reader WARNINGS: sad denki, no use of y/n GENRE: angst to fluff SONG INSPIRATION: there for you by martin garrix & troye sivan WORD COUNT: 1186
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you notice denki has been quieter than usual all day. normally, he'd be the one cracking jokes and keeping the energy up, but today there’s a different air about him. it’s subtle, the way he avoids eye contact, the forced smiles, the way his shoulders seem a little slumped, but it’s slight but it's there. and what bothers you most is that no one else seems to notice. the others laugh and carry on, completely oblivious to the shift in his mood.
he stands up suddenly after a group conversation winds down, muttering something about needing to head back to his dorm. no one questions it, letting him go without a second thought, but you can't shake the feeling that something's wrong. you watch him walk away, disappearing down the hall, and a few moments later, you decide to follow.
after giving him some time alone, you make your way to his room. his door is closed when you arrive, and you hesitate for a second, wondering if he needs more time to himself. but the image of his unusually downcast expression sticks in your mind, and you gently knock on the door before letting yourself in.
denki’s sitting on his bed, staring out the window, lost in thought. his usual electric energy is nowhere to be found. he turns his head when he hears you, surprise flickering across his face.
"hey..." he says quietly, his voice lacking its usual spark. "didn't think anyone was gonna come by."
you give him a small smile, closing the door softly behind you before stepping further into the room. "i noticed you were kind of off today," you say gently, sitting on the edge of his bed, keeping some space between you. "i just wanted to check in. see if you're okay."
for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. his gaze falls back to the floor, and his fingers fidget nervously with a loose thread on his shirt. "i'm fine," he mutters, though the way he says it makes it clear he's not. "it's stupid stuff. i don’t want to bother you with it."
“denki…” you tilt your head, your voice soft but firm. “you can talk to me. you don’t have to pretend like everything’s fine when it’s clearly not.”
he lets out a short, bitter laugh, still avoiding your gaze. "i don’t know. i just feel like... everyone’s moving forward, getting better, and i’m stuck, y’know? i try to keep up, but i’m always messing something up. like today, in training... i fried out again. everyone laughed. and i don’t blame them, i mean, it’s what i do, right? screw up and turn into an idiot." he laughs again, but it’s empty, and his shoulders slump a little more.
your heart aches hearing him talk like this. denki always seems so carefree, so full of confidence, but now, sitting here with him, you can see the cracks in the facade he puts up for everyone.
“denki, you’re not an idiot,” you say, your voice filled with sincerity. “you’re one of the most hardworking people i know. you’re always pushing yourself, always trying to get better. and yeah, sometimes things don’t go the way you want, but that doesn’t mean you’re not improving. you’re not stuck.”
he finally looks at you, his eyes filled with doubt. "it’s just hard sometimes, you know? feeling like i’m always the one who messes up while everyone else is just... better."
you scoot a little closer, your voice gentle as you say, “you’re not alone in feeling like that. we all struggle sometimes, even if it doesn’t always show. but i promise you, no one thinks less of you for having rough days.”
denki takes a deep breath, and some of the tension in his body seems to ease. he leans back against the headboard, his hands resting in his lap. “i just... i guess i didn’t think anyone really noticed. i’m always the ‘happy-go-lucky guy,’ right? i don’t want people to see me like this.”
“i’m so sorry that i didn't realize it sooner,” you say softly, meeting his eyes. “and it’s okay to have off days. it doesn’t make you weak or anything like that. it just makes you human.”
his eyes shining with a mix of emotions, hope, disbelief, something like gratitude. “you really mean that?”
“of course i do,” you said, squeezing his hand gently. denki’s gaze dropped to your intertwined hands, his thumb brushing over yours almost absently. “i just… i don’t wanna be behind, you know? i want to be taken seriously, like everyone else.”
your heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice, the raw honesty that he usually kept hidden behind his carefree smile. you shifted closer, wrapping your arms around him in a gentle hug. he stiffened for a moment, then melted against you, his head resting on your shoulder.
“you’re appreciated so much more than you think, denki,” you whispered, your voice fierce with conviction. “you have so much to offer. i’m so proud of you, and i’m so lucky to know you.”
he let out a shuddering breath, his arms tightening around you like he was afraid to let go. “thank you,” he murmured, his voice barely audible. “i…i really needed to hear that.”
you held him close, your hand gently stroking his back. “i’ll always be here for you. whenever you need to talk, or just…need someone. i’m here.”
he didn’t say anything, he didn't need to, he just held you tighter, his breath warm against your neck. for a long time, you sat like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, the noise of the common room fading away until it was just the two of you, cocooned in a bubble of quiet comfort.
eventually, he pulled back, his eyes red but clearer, the tension in his face eased. “i’m sorry,” he said, his voice still a little shaky. “i didn’t mean to dump all this on you.”
“don’t apologize,” you said firmly. “you’re allowed to feel how you feel, and you’re allowed to talk about it. i’m honestly glad that you did.”
“you’re…you’re really cool, ya know?”
he smiled, a real, genuine smile that made your heart swell with relief. “i’ll try to believe it.”
“that’s all i ask,” you said, squeezing his hand. “just…try to see yourself the way i see you.”
his smile softened, his eyes shining with something warm and tender. “i’ll try,” he said again, his voice quiet but steady. “and…thank you. for being here. for listening. it means a lot.”
“always,” you said, your heart aching with how much you meant it. “i’m always here for you, no matter what.”
he nodded, his gaze lingering on yours for a long, another quiet moment. then he shifted, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, the touch so soft it made your breath catch.
“thank you,” he whispered one last time, his voice filled with all the things he didn’t know how to say.
you knew that, whatever happened, you’d always be there to remind him of just how incredible he truly was.
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comments and reblogs are appreciated ♡
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© ruewrote 2024.
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ediblecucumber · 2 days
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Platonic Yandere Omega Dad x Abandoned child Reader pt2
You don't know where it all went wrong, one day everything was fine and the next your omega dad didn't want to be a family with you and your alpha daddy anymore
What should have been another normal day was filled with screams and pleas, you've never seen your parents fighting, much less heard them scream like that
Your alpha daddy was crying and your omega dad was saying sharp words as he picked up a suitcase and got ready to walk out the door, before leaving your life he looked at you one last time, his eyes were so cold
After that whole day was a mess, your alpha dad was trying to balance his work schedules to be able to pick you up and take you to school and now he also had to cook and clean the house, all the calls and surprise visits from the child protection center had a very apparent effect on him as his healthy and shiny appearance was replaced by a tired and unbalanced
The worst part of all was the days in court, watching your omega father fight to keep the family dog ​​while making it very clear to the court that he was not interested in having joint custody of you hurt you deeply. Were you less important than a dog? Hearing him tell the judge that he never wanted to be a mother and that he was never interested in playing that role in your life tore your little soul to pieces Were all those happy days when he said "I love you" to you lies?
With a father who was barely holding himself together in front of you and another who seemed to have simply disappeared into the world, there was no stability in your life. You were clinging to the hope that everything would be okay until you heard the news
"Honey, your omega father won't be able to come to your birthday because... because... because he adopted two little girls and they don't feel comfortable coming to your party, I'm sorry, I wanted... are you okay?"
No, you weren't okay, in court he had I had said that I wasn't ready to be a mother but it seems that that was a lie, or rather, he wasn't ready to be your mother, that was the first crack
After that day the excuses didn't stop, there was always an excuse for his absence
"Sorry but I can't go today, my oldest has a cheerleading practice and I need to take her, take her and then go pick you up only to have to go back to pick you up would be a waste of time, you understand right? Of course you understand you're a big kid"
"Sorry I couldn't go to your 7th birthday, and my youngest girl had a rough day so we went out with her to the spa to have a relaxing day, I ended up running late but don't worry I'll send you something"
"Was today the day of your competition? Sorry, I forgot because I was too busy planning the twins' birthday party, you weren't upset, right? Don't worry, next time I'll definitely be there HE'S LYING"
"I can't go today, one of the girls started her first heat today and I can't leave her alone, these are omega things you wouldn't understand"
With each excuse your insecurity and anger grew, every time he mentioned the twins your self-esteem decreased and you started comparing yourself more and more to them, if you were an omega would he love you as much as he loves them? Could it be that the problem is you?
Years of accumulating resentment came to a head on your 13th birthday, that was supposed to be a special day and being the loving and caring father that he is, your alpha father spared no expense to make each of your birthdays more memorable than the last
In truth, he is trying to console you through material goods, he does not have much free time because he needs to work more to pay the alimony that the court determined he must pay to his omega ex-husband, the alpha father can even work less but that would mean lowering your standard of living something he would never forgive himself for doing, you deserve the best so if he had to work more to pay for all the things that you would be a little happier then he is willing to face nights of exhaustion and overload
Unexpectedly the night before your omega father answered the phone call and agreed to spend the morning with you, your alpha father tried to call him every day to make sure that your omega father would go for a walk with you or at least answer your questions messages, despite your best efforts the omega ex husband always ended up ignoring you and this broke the alpha father's heart because nothing hurts a father's heart more than seeing his son hurt
So that morning you put on your best clothes, fixed your hair and waited for your omega father he was an hour late but that's okay, the traffic must have been bad right? RIGHT!?
When he arrived you were almost bursting with happiness, saying goodbye to your alpha father you eagerly got into your omega father's car, you couldn't wait to find out what he had planned for you
After a few minutes with only you talking to fill the silence you both arrive at the mall, a little disappointed but it's okay, the place isn't as important as the company, you eagerly follow him like a puppy while he does some shopping maybe one of the purchases is your birthday present!?, you're a little hungry but you can ignore it so everything is fine until you hear those two voices
"Daddyeeee" waving his arms one of the twins is screaming while the other is laughing, immediately your omega father seems to forget about you and goes towards them
The way he hugs and kisses them is very different from the way he treats you, he was only away from them for a few hours but he's saying how much he missed them but with you... with you he spends months yarn without seeing you and never gave you a hug like that this was the second crack
"Daddy thanks for buying these gifts for us, you bought all the items on the list!? You didn't have to" oh so the shopping was for them... he spent the whole morning of your birthday buying gifts for them this was the third crack
"Of course you did, we're celebrating that you're now officially part of the cheerleading team, I'm glad practice ended in time for us to meet up to celebrate" so in fact the intruder was you, he's not here to celebrate your birth he's here to celebrate their victory, he only met up with you because he had free time while waiting for them
You saw the three of them laughing and moving away from you, slowly they got further away each moment until you entered a restaurant that you were eager to try with your omega father, you wondered if they would notice that you stayed behind, if they would notice that you weren't at the table
NO, they didn't notice, the dishes were ordered and you watched them eat in a happy and laughing mood, today is your birthday and he simply forgot about you, this was the fourth and final crack
Stunned, somehow while you called your alpha father you felt dazed, it was like one moment you were full of feelings and the next you were completely empty of them
Your alpha father arrived quickly, you almost didn't notice him realizing he arrived only because he hugged you and took you out of the catatonic position you were sitting in on the street in front of the mall
The way home was silent, despite the alpha father's best efforts to try to make you smile you remained silent, expressionless until you got home and as soon as you walked through the door the dam collapsed
SCREAMS AND TEARS, you were having a fit on the floor, your chest was tight and you couldn't BREATHE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T COULD YOU BREATHE?!?! EVERYTHING WAS TOO MUCH, THE FEELINGS WERE TOO MUCH
You had a PANIC ATTACK and had to be hospitalized, your party was canceled HATE, HATE, HATE is what he feels for his ex-husband, how DARE he do this to YOU!!! HOW DARE HE HURT THE MOST PRECIOUS THING OF THE ALPHA FATHER!? If he could, he would KILL that man. Your alpha father had to miss work to spend the entire hospital stay with you.
You were eventually released and received a recommendation for a child psychologist who specialized in dealing with children who suffer from parental abandonment. Your alpha father was already doing the math to see how many sleepless nights full of work would be necessary to pay for the hospital, the medicine, and the psychologist.
You didn't know what your life would be like from that moment on, but you were sure of one thing, something in you broke and could never be fixed. A heart could only be broken a certain amount of times until the pieces were too small and uneven to be glued back together.
Unbeknownst to you, in five years' time, you would be forced to confront your omega father.
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lil-lemon-snails · 3 months
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"I can't ignore what's under dancefloor boards, The rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat, But I still move my feet, to slip out of this groove, I'm free" ~ 2econd 2ight 2eer, Will Wood, The Normal Album
I have been plagued with visions of LDR Sun every time I listen to this song and I NEEDED to get this out of my system @spadillelicious when do we get to smooch the boy pLEASE
v textless version and close ups under cut!! v
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look at them having a completely normal non-manipulative friendship what good friends they all are. look at those happy smiles and ignore the red lines im sure the red has no symbolism at all hahaha
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insertsomthinawesome · 8 months
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
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ohandcounting · 15 days
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"Hmm. I'm really tired, and it's 9pm. A very normal time to sleep. I'm just gonna go to bed early and maybe get my sleep schedule a bit better."
MY FUCKASS BODY:
YOU HAVE INVOKED THE CURSE OF "AFTERNOON NAP"
You awaken in 3 hours sweaty and dehydrated and entirely unable to fall back asleep.
Your sleeping schedule is now even more fucked.
Go fuck yourself
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scribblingface · 11 days
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I went into bg3 fully ready to have a good time and have done so despite many ways in which the game is not good and have not worried too much over various dramas about patch changes but my chill streak has finally ended and I am wailing gnashing my teeth etc. about patch 7 (the supposedly final one with story/content changes) not adding companion reactivity for any of the durge content in act 2
#gotta regain my chill about this. it doesn't change the good version of bg3 that exists in my head#but like. durge is literally the protagonist character. and a huge chunk of story is just bizarrely missing from act two#all the baddies recognize you and no one reacts#warden says you were an important guest no one reacts#kressa says she had a great time torturing you for weeks no one reacts#and it's so misaligned with companion reactivity for everything else. like#I am one of those players who goes around the camp circle talking to every single companion after anything even mildly important happens#to hear the couple of lines of dialogue they have about it#because they've got a couple of lines of dialogue about every plot development and significant moment in other companion storylines!#but they don't have a single word for enormous central plotline revelations about the player character#it makes the act 3 reactions bizarre too because everyone's shocked by what gortash says and it's like#literally everyone in moonrise was like 'oh hey it's you again' what did you THINK 😭#a lot of people complain about the resist!durge final scene after killing orin being lackluster#and yeah sure I feel it's lacking in a few ways but like. at least it exists.#a cutscene does play and afterwards the companions do react. ymmv on whether those reactions are impactful or fitting#but they do--crucially--exist#whereas in act 2 there is straight up nothing#when people say right in front of the companions 'hello fellow villain fancy seeing you back here again'#there is not even so much as a 'dude are you okay' after kressa talks about keeping durge prisoner and torturing them#okay okay it's fine I'm getting it out of my system I'm gonna be normal about this again#the companions had reactions in the good version that exists in my head 😔#scribblingface plays bg3#okay actually also like larian has made so many changes based on fans complaining a lot about something#often changes that made the complaining people happy but pissed off everyone who already liked the current version#not weighing in on the merit of various specifics but it has struck me as a sometimes odd and unwise degree of#listening to what the players want. like just tell your story and accept that some parts won't please everyone#but THIS THING is universally agreed on by every durge player#because it's not something 'wrong' it's something completely absent that should have been there in order to align with the rest of the game#and yet. we don't get this change in the final update.
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ragnars-tooth · 9 months
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Zanna momence
(i literally had to draw this in ms paint and then bring it into krita to colour it because my tablet has no pen pressure and my apple pencil has entered the spirit realm and everything else is in [redacted] but i JUST wanted to draw a little thing before the new year but god hates me and thinks i am his strongest soldier when actually i am his most pissed off and sleepiest and he keeps giving me his hardest battles (degree i signed up to do of my own volition) so everything is broken always. ANYWAYS. NEW YEAR. HAVE ONE.)
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warmup bonus zanna for my read more-ers
if ms paint had layers i would use it a lot more i think
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iiusia · 7 days
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everyday i restrain myself
#julia.txt#okay im not going to do a full fledged post abt this but i have got 2 het this out#nowhere in the Bible does it say that there shpuld be One Guy who teaches. or a select few appoimted guys. whatever#a pastor is in his essence no different from a priest#every single believer (who is called to teaching) has the potential of saying something edifying#every single believer has the potential to pray a good prayer#to suggest a good song#all with the caveat of being led by the Holy Spirit. ofc#a Fully Biblical church is one where every brother has the opportunity to speak to pray to suggest a hymn if the Spirit leads him to do so#like. will it be perfect. no we are human we are failiable there is not a single believer on earth that listens to fhe Spirit 100% of the#time#but the solution is not to put in place man-made order#the solution is to keep working on ourselves as an assembly#like#we will always fall short of the perfectness of God#does that mean we stop trying?#no!! we try HARDER. we give ourselves fully to Him we entrust ourselves in His hands and work on it!!!!#shakes you. there is freedom in the Holy Spirit.#have you been in a meeting where nothing is pre planned not who prays not the songs sung not the sermon#and Yet. everything lines up together#the songs suggested all follow the same theme#the prayers all follow the same theme#and then a brother gets up and says the Spirit put on my heart to say this AND IT FOLLOWS THE SAME THEME#do you Understand. its beautiful#man made order could NEVER compare to this#disclaimer a church having a pastor doesnt mean that its not biblically sound there are WONDERFUL godly pastors out there it is simply#What Is Normal right now#but. gestures wildly#you see#if anyone sees this and wants elaboration i would be happy 2 :0
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halloweendeity · 16 days
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.
#horrible awful no good very bad day#apparently last night the apartment below ours caught fire and we were out of town#and we didnt find out til several hours later from our neighbor who had to track me down on facebook- we didnt hear a thing#from the apartment in any official capacity until like? 10 hours after the fire?#anyway we rushed home supremely early from a friend trip that was like#meant to be very good and fun#anyway so we rush home because no one can tell us if our cats are okay#and they were but our whole apartment is supremely smoky and all of our possessions are extremely smoky#and we cant stay there or let the cats stay there because of the smoke and soot and particles it just doesnt feel safe#so now im in my partners familys house which is like#fine but its full of people and i dont feel fully comfortable and i cant fully relax and and and and and etc etc etc etc#and tomorrow i have to wake up early and go over there and find out what if anything the complex plans to do about it and how long its gonna#be until we can come back safely. or more likely get more noncommittal answers and be unsure#and i dont know how long i can stay here and be normal#AND to top it all off i paid like 60$ to go to an aquarium i didnt even get to go to . but yknow. all of my friends got to !#and like im happy for them but no one was excited as i was and now i get to ruminate on how everyone got to do the fun thing i love#while i was stuck doing 17 loads of laundry and bathing the soot out of my cats fur in someone elses house#certainly it could be worse and im glad my cats are fine and im glad its just smoke damage and not yknow. Burn damage#but im having a sad little pity party anyway because i was supposed to have an amazing beautiful day ending in a relaxing evening#in my own home#and now i have to cope with all of this instead. all i want to do is cry#and also like. im scared we will have to move#but im also scared we wont... because like#i think it was a gas issue. and knowing that that happened in my building? and also knowing how much landlords love to halfass#repairs and everything else#i just dont know how safe i will feel there#even if they tell me its fine#anyway sorry for the tag vent post again my old ways will never die#ghost posts
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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months
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it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.
mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.
#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD.#EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY#OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH#i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion''#they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them#so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child#they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table#just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase#i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either?#i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them.#i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to.#but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset#quiet at home#and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places#and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway?#keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine?#try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened?#i dont know how to live like a normal person#literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X.#go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book.#because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped.#everything hurts holy shit#broadcasting my misery#vent#ed tw
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seventh-district · 9 months
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wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!
#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development#Seven.txt#writing stuff#ao3#like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil#but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine#it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard#not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own#but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire#and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning#i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it??#but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone#and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn#and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized#and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay.#anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain!#most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao#the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already!#anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally#next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe#and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story#the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough
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tbcanary · 1 year
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the thing. about outlaws. is that it has some really really nice moments and the team dynamic is lovely, and i have a lot of positive feelings about that. but the other thing about outlaws is that it’s a character assassination and the plots are so bad that i do want to set things on fire.
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