#i want them to give me my money then forget i ever existed thanks

[krawdad]

I don't see how this couldn't end up with some kind of settlement I've been trying to fix this myself for like 9 years because I keep experiencing medical neglect I am barely able to hold myself up I have literally not been able to do anything since the work injury and have records of it all

[thebestsetter]

He has never been afraid of dying.

Death doesn't fright him. He sees it as a natural part of the cycle of life. One must be born, live their life, possibly reproduce so their species can keep on existing and then die. All animals, be it a big magnificient whale or a little insignificant ant, have to do this too. This is what they all have in common (and honestly, it's beautiful how all animals have to experience this. It brings humans and animals closer).

Everyone dies, be it the sinner or the saint, the rich or the poor. Death doesn't discriminate people. It just comes and takes everyone (which is kinda funny, since people think that money or looks make them different from the other. They don't. We're all equal. The bullet that kills the powerful is also capable of killing the weak). And frankly, he's okay with that. He knows it'll happen.

Given his work condition, he knows he's more inclined to die than the average person. Everyday, he has to go out there and risk his life, saving hundreds of people he doesn't even know and sometimes not even getting a "thank you" back. It's frustrating, but it's not like he's giving up. Before he dies, he wants to make this world a little bit better. It probably won't be much, but he still wants to feel useful. He wants to feel like he did something good.

"Oh God! You're okay! You're really okay! I was so worried about you!"

He doesn't fear death. Which is why he doesn't understand why he feels like crying when you visit him at the hospital he was staying at after a mission that went wrong. Death doesn't scare him, so he's not quite sure why his hands tremble when they reach to pat your head. He shouldn't react like this. He's never reacted this way before

"Please, don't ever do that again! Never ever!" Your grip in his waist tightens to the point where his lungs are burning for air, but he still doesn't want you to let go.

"You have no idea how scared I was. When the hospital called me saying you were here, I felt like my mind was going a hundred per hour! Please, don't die..."

How can you ask him this? You both know it's impossible. He's going to die one day, it can't be helped. You can't escape death's claws. No one can escape their funeral. You're torturing him. You know he doesn't like to lie to you. He can't just say "I won't die" cause it's simply not true!

"Please don't die" you repeat, and his hands movement comes to a halt "Because I'll be lonely if you die. Don't leave me alone, please."

And suddenly, it all makes sense.

He still isn't afraid of dying. But suddenly, the mention of death leaves an itching feeling at the back of his throat. It makes him sick thinking about you going on with your life, possibly mourning over his death for a long time (he doesn't ever want you to be sad, especially not because of him. Strangely, a sick, twisted part of him wants you to cry when he dies. To be sad. To not move on fastly. He quickly supresses those thoughts though) and then completely forgetting him and starting a new family (this thought makes him sick to the stomach. He feels like a very bad guy when thinking about how he doesn't want you to find another man to replace him. You always said he was irreplaceable after all).

He will forever be someone who was, not someone who is. He'll be lost in time, a name you'll mention once or twice on a conversation while smiling and thinking about the good times you had together.

He'll never hear your laugh and your voice again, will never take you out on extravagant dates and have movie nights watching silly movies and laughing at the special effects. Leaving you alone in this dangerous world feels almost criminal.

Death doesn't make him feel bad. Having you forget him after he dies makes him feel like absolute shit.

And so, even though he can't promise you that he won't die, he can promise one thing. He grabs one of your hands in his, looking at you as serious as he can be.

"You won't ever be alone." He says, and you feel like crying. He then smiles weakly "I promise. I love you. Our love is too strong to be stopped by death." He kisses your hand and then quotes the same sentence he uttered at your wedding day "Remember? 'And if death do us apart, I promise to find you in every other timeline.'"

And just like he did that day, he props up in the hospital bed and kisses you.

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO, ITADORI YUJI, Gojo Satoru, Inumaki Toge (or maybe I'm just a glazer ☹️), Nanami Kento (idk, I just feel like it fits him), TODOROKI SHOTO, Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Ejirou, Izuku Midoriya, Aizawa Shota, HAWKS + any character you think fits this!!

~ A/N: this can be read as a sequel of another fic of mine. It also can be read on it's own though (but please, do check the other one if you're interested!!). Also, you can see some Hamilton songs' references here and there (cause I'm a theater kid 😔) AND this was inspired by a line in "Cowboy Beebop"

Masterlist

[ambrosiagoldfish]

HI! Can I request Vox, husk or anyone else with a s/o who has an addiction problem?

Yes I know my Grammar and punctuation is out of line 🙏🏽

Hazbin Hotel x Addict!Reader

(Vox, Husk, and Angel Dust)

Viewer Discretion is Advised!

Warning: Drug/Alcohol Abuse, Gn!Reader, Reader being defensive, happy-ish endings.

Request Box: Open

Word count: 1170

A/n: Hi! Thank you for the request! This is my first time writing both Vox and Husk so I had to do some research (and by research, I mean reading 2+ hours of how other write them) to get an idea of their main characterization.

I really enjoyed writing this as I personally have my own experiences with addicts and how it’s affected me as a person. So this was also a little bit of a vent post if anything. I also added Angel cause I think it fits the theme but also he’s one of my comfort characters and writing for him made me happy.

Hope you enjoy <3

Proofread like once so sorry for any mistakes!



Vox

He’s used to being friends/knowing addicts. I mean one of his closest allies (And TOTES not previous hook-up buddy) Valentino, is also an addict who also employs many as well. So he’s not a stranger to it.

So mostly he’s indifferent to it, almsot desensitized to it. He doesn’t really see a danger to it, I mean we’re in hell and you can’t exactly OD and die

But of course, death isn’t the only thing that can happen when you're an addict. The breakdown of you as a person often happens, as well as you being reckless with money. And this is where Vox starts to have a problem.

If you’re in a relationship with Vox, then clearly you mean a lot to him, he may not be the most expressive about it but he does. So to see the partner that he has opened up to and grown attached to deteriorate slowly in front of him is something he refuses to accept.

So one day he cancels a meeting with his staff and calls you to his office so you two will be alone. When you get there he gives you a cup of coffee and you catch up a bit. How was your day? Have you ate yet? Those kinds of things.

Until finally he decides to just break open the floodgates with one simple statement.

“Darling… I think you should get clean”

You were caught off guard at first

“It’s fine, What’s the problem? we’re in hell”

He then comes out with his honest opinion

“*Sigh* I know it’s hell and you can’t die… but surely you can see how it would make me a bit… worried for you.”

He paused

“I mean even last week you spent all the allowance I gave you on it and you would have starved if I didn’t buy you food, surely you can see why it’s a fucking problem!”

Eventually after talking and depending on how it goes you either agree to go clean or it ends with an argument and he’ll just try again later.

If you agree, he’ll make sure he’s with you ever step of your sobriety. Considering he’s one of the top rising Overlords and owns VoxTech he’s got money so He’ll higher the best people to help you go clean(Do therapist exist in hell?)

“Thank you dear, you have no idea how much this means to me”

Husk

Similar to Vox in a lot of ways but also really different. He himself is an addict with alcohol so he clearly understands the struggles of it.

He has lots of walls up but for someone who “lost the ability to love” he sure does care a lot for you. I don’t think he would try a get you to go clean, at least not right away (or even at the beginning of the relationship) simply cause he thinks he doesn’t have a right to judge. So in all honesty he might just let you be.

That is until he realizes that you do it to forget things and ignore your problems/past. He knew first hand that drowning your sorrows away with your choice of addictive vice did nothing but harm you.

Then when you two are alone at his bar he’ll talk to you about it in a similar way he did with Angel. Perhaps a bit more softer than he did with Angel but even then “softer” is a bit of an overstatement.

“Look, I know you got a lot of shit that you don’t want to think about… but doing this *sigh* it’s not going to work, at least not in the long term.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

He laughs. I mean, you were right. He was single handedly the worst person to be judging you. But surely you can understand his point of view, right?

Either way though, he leaves it alone again. Occasionally bringing it up when you’re both alone. He expresses the same sentiment about it each time hoping that eventually, hopefully…you’ll come to see from his perspective.

When you do finally see that he’s worried for you and understand why, you agree to go clean. Which, for once in a long while, made his supposedly cold dead heart melt.

“Glad you finally came to your senses… Seriously, I’m glad…”

Angel

He is THE addict of the show, so obviously he knows what you are going through and THEN some. Now,. Here’s the thing, how he handles it depends HEAVILY on when exactly you got with him/when you started having you addiction problem.

If you started dating him when you already were an addict he most definitely wouldn’t question anything about it. Hell, chances are you both might have taken part in it together. And it’s only when he starts making progress in the hotel (post EP4) is when he starts realizing how bad of an influence you both were on each other.

If you started sometime AFTER you both started dating then this boy would honestly feel terrible about it, ESPECIALLY after EP4 when he actually started being sober more often. He’d feel like he was a bad influence on you and that it was his fault you turned to your addiction.

Either way though, he will eventually realize that he doesn’t want you to be/continue to be on the same path he was. He’d talk to Charlie about arranging you to stay in the hotel, either in your own room or you guys could share one (he would honestly prefer the latter) and then after the preparations are made he would finally ask you too

Angel wasn’t expecting it to be easy, he gets what it’s like to suddenly be asked to go clean. And he knows how addicts act when they don’t get there vices, how he acts. So he mentally prepared himself for the worst first before asking you to come over and talk.

“Uh… Y/n can I talk to you about somethin’?”

You nod your head

“I’ve been thinking and… I think you should crash here at the hotel with me… and’ go clean.”

You only laugh “Angie I’m glad this hotel thing is workin’ for ya but that’s not really my style. No- I mean, I’m fine!”

Angel knows he put you on the spot, so he lightens off a bit but continues pressing on. He explains how he feels and how he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you, to end up where he is. The poor boy starts crying honestly with how much he’s worried. He rarely opens up to people so this was a big step for him.

Seeing how much he cared and worried about you really put into perspective how important this was to him. So you agreed after some thinking.

“*sniff* thank you Baby, I’ll be there with you every step of the way… I love ya’ you know.”

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Granted, tumblr’s search function may broken but I can’t find a post on your blog centered on Alya’s writing. As a person constantly on the look out for critical examination of Alya’s role in the narrative and the compromises on her principles, relationships and competences made to artificially engineer the episode’s story, I’d be very interested to see your thoughts

I use Alya's writing as an example of a character done dirty all the time, but I don't think I've ever done a sugar post focused on her and I totally should. Before we get into it, I will openly admit that her bad writing bothers me more than Marinette's or Adrien's because she is best girl and we stan her. What can I say, I'm a writer whose best friend is an artist with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. I like characters who are writers and with artsy, anxiety-ridden best friends. They are my people and that gives us a great starting point for this post.

Marinette is the unambiguous main character of the show, so it makes sense to design both her hero partner and her best friend around balancing her out, giving them strengths to fill out the spots where she is weak. It's how you make a strong cast. When Alya is allowed the shine, she fills that balance role wonderfully and I love it! Some of my favorite moments are when Marinette goes on one of her rants and cool-headed Alya drags her back down to Earth:

Marinette: We're gonna stroll over there real cool as if we just happened to be passing by. Alya: Then what? Marinette: Then? I'll invite him out for a fruit smoothie at the end of the photo shoot! Then, we'll get married! Live happily ever after in a beautiful house and have two kids? No, three. And a dog! Maybe a cat? Nah, forget the cat. A hamster! I love hamsters! Alya: Let's just start with just happen to be passing by and see if we can get to that smoothie.

This banter from Stormy Weather is fantastic. It's exactly the type of thing I want to see from these two as it gives Alya a very different flavor of supporting role from Adrien. While Alya and Adrien are both card holding members of the Marinette hype squad, Alya is more of a voice of reason while Adrien is there to validate Marinette and follow her crazy schemes without question.

This brings us to the first issue with Alya's writing: when the plot demands it, they make her a gullible tabloid journalist even though it goes against everything her character should stand for. The reasons I'm comfortable saying this are many. The first one is that Alya is very clearly supposed to be seen as a serious journalist. That's why you get scenes like this one from Feast:

Alya: Now you know back in the day sculptures were painted, right? Most of the paint vanished over time, but tiny microscopic pigments still remain. Thanks to this special app, witness how it originally looked. But here's the big thing. All these works of art have something in common. It's the same symbol! Look, everywhere. It's like some kind of secret society emblem. As if a kind of Order of the Guardians has been watching over the superheroes since the beginning of time!

This scene would not exist if Alya was supposed to be the kind of person who only cared about getting blog hits because this type of content isn't where the money is. But money and clout aren't what Alya cares about. She's just a passionate reporter (or fan girl) who wants to know everything she can and who is having fun sharing her obsession with the world. This is an extremely important aspect of her character because it brings us to reason two that she clearly wasn't meant to be a clout chaser: if she was a tabloid journalist who only cared about hits, then she should have never been given a miraculous.

I could go on a rant her about how poorly Alya's blog is used after she becomes Rena Rouge, but I'll spare you the word count and just say that, as soon as she joined the team, she should have stopped sharing secrets on the blog. It makes sense that a blog would initially fill her need to share the fine details of her obsession, but once she's on the team, the blog should have been replaced by her teammates. She could still have the blog, but it shouldn't have things like the freaking guide to how the miraculous work that we see in the season four episode Gabriel Agreste:

Alya: The Miraculous are magical jewels that give powers to superheroes, like Ladybug's earrings and Cat Noir's ring. But supervillain Shadow Moth also has two Miraculousbrooches in his possession, and they will give him his powers. We can figure out from this that the Miraculous can either make a superhero or a supervillain. It's all riding on who wears it, which is why these jewels can't fall into just anybody's hands.

Alya, you are supposed to be Marinette's sole confidante at this point. Why are you giving the world this information? The writers are doing you dirty, my dear, and I'm so sorry. The best I can do is to promise to never treat you like this in my stuff.

Now, to be fair, there is some nuance to this. Alya is a human being. She's allowed to have flaws, so I can absolutely forgive her for getting caught up in the moment and posting scoops to her blog without thinking (see: Oblivio). That's honestly a great weakness for her character to have as it makes perfect sense for a fan girl to fan girl. At the same time, if you want to have a fan girl character who becomes part of the things she's a fan of, then you usually need to give that character something that will tone them down and make full fan girl mode something other than the standard setting.

Making your fan girl a serious reporter is a great way to do that! It allows you to have that initial bust of fan girl hype that quickly switches into serious get-the-details mode. Without that kind of complexity, Alya would just be another Wayhem and one Wayhem is already one too many.

While I will give Alya some grace on this topic and even call it a good thing for her character, the same cannot be said for her writing because the writers fail to embrace her hype as an in-the-moment weakness and it ruins her character. To put it another way, a lapse in judgement about posting a photo is excusable as a photo is quickly acquired and posted. A lapse in judgement about a full interview with a total rando who is claiming to be Ladybug's best friend is not excusable (see: Volpina). It's a completely different flavor of poor judgement as - at a minimum - it requires Alya to stand there talking to a person for several minutes and never once question what that person is saying. Those are not the behaviors of a good journalist.

Of course, this brings us to the most glaring example of Alya's character assassination: the Lila thing. Almost everything about this arc paints Alya as a terrible friend, which is a massive missed opportunity as Lila is the perfect antagonist for Alya! Who better to take down a liar than a truth seeker? It's such an easy way to give Alya her own mission to focus on, especially if you make Lila more subtle. You don't even need to have Alya believe Marinette without question. Just have her be an investigative journalist who is like, "You know what, this new girl clearly bothers Marinette and I know Marinette can get caught up in her own head, but it doesn't usually last this long. I think something is up, so I'm going to use my skills to see if Lila is telling the truth that way I know if I'm supporting the right person here." Don't have your character claim that she checks her sources and does research if you're going to turn around and have her believe whatever she hears without checking any of it!

Even outside of the Lila thing, I wish we saw more of Alya's research skills! They were such a good thing to give Marinette's best friend as Marinette is great at focusing on a clear task, but research is the kind of thing that would overwhelm her, so it makes perfect sense to make her best friend a researcher as that lets the team have someone to help track down whatever Gabriel is calling himself this week. The writers even understood this to some extent as we saw in Mr. Pigeon 72:

Alya: Marinette, how long have you been working on this? Ladybug: I dunno, six-seven days, maybe ten. Now that we're on spring break, I finally have time to put my whole heart into it! Alya: When was the last time you worked on one of your own designs? Ladybug: I do loads of designing! Look! (pointing to the contraption at her door) I designed a security system so that nobody can enter my room when I'm not in it. And if I put on this hat (puts on modified hat) I hear everything that's going on in here, even when I'm out of the room. Alya: I'm gonna have to break it to you because I'm the only one who can. THIS IS TOTALLY INSANE! Girl, trust your BFF. When I'm researching something obsessively and I can't think of anything else, that's when my mind can get really blocked. You know what you need most right now? A break! Ladybug: No way! No breaks until I find out how to keep Shadow Moth from reakumatizing people!

Remember who ultimately figures out how to keep Shadow Moth from reakumatizing people in this episode? Alya! Because her creative style is all about researching and looking at the evidence. You know, the classic skill set of a reporter?

I really do mean it when I say that the show has a fantastic setup for telling a good story. Alya's character should have been a perfect addition to Marinette's team. My favorite lineup is the line up from season two with Kagami and Luka in non-love-interest bonus roles that I won't get into here since it's a little too deviant from canon to make sense without explanation. Instead, I'll just give you the clear roles they perfectly set up and then squandered for the original miraculous five:

Ladybug: Battlefield commander

Rena Rouge: Big Picture Strategist (basically Marinette excels at reactive thinking/leading during a battle while Alya excels more at proactive thinking/long-term tactics)

Chat Noir: Peacekeeper/Heart/Hype Man

Carapace: Protector/Stop Button (much like Alya and Marinette, Nino and Adrien should have been two sides of the same coin with Adrien being focused on making everyone happy while Nino focuses on keeping everyone safe)

Queen Bee: Wild Card/Chaos Element (I love a good chaos element who is there to suggest the options that won't occur to people who have been raised to follow the rules.)

I'll also point out that this lineup would show that the characters weren't interchangeable and make the two main couples feel more unique and meant for each other. For example, Nino's tendency to encourage others to stay safe would pair terribly with Marinette's need to not get too caught up in her own thoughts. The second Nino second guesses one of her plans she'd fall apart, so she needs Adrien to be her Chat Noir. Similarly, Alya's impulsivity weakness would make her a terrible match for go, go, go Hype Noir! She needs a partner who makes her take two seconds to second guess herself. There was so much potential here you guys! So much potential! It could have been beautiful! Instead, we got canon...

There you go, my broad love letter to Alya. I could keep going, but you didn't request a specific topic, so I'm just going to end it there. Feel free to ask for more, but please do it in another ask as this is already super long and - out of kindness to my followers- I try to avoid essay after essay on the same post unless they really need to be connected.

[goodgirlsdoithisway]

The danger of friends and family.

Coming into my place as a woman has been difficult. I've been a feminist most of my life, believing I need to be free and do as I please. I surrounded myself with like-minded people, and kept pushing on even though I was suffering. These people had me convinced that I was unhappy because women have been "oppressed" by the patriarchy, and I just needed to rise above.

Here's the problem with this train of thought. Not everyone is capable or has the correct tools to survive alone in this world. Some people need structure and guidance to live. Most women fall into this category. Sure, we can do it, but it's incredibly hard, incredibly stressful, and it's a lifelong investment to work hard instead of smart.

Then, I looked into tradwife material. I started looking at how happy these women were. Sure, you occasionally see the sad ones living this life, but they are just full of resistance, like I was. These women made life look fun. What girl doesn't want to have a life where they don't have to worry about money, or politics, or drama? No internal struggles, just the calm acceptance of giving yourself to something bigger. A man.

My friends and family all called me out on this, saying I'm being red pilled. I told them I'm still committed to diversity and I love everybody, and I know I have the option to chase whatever dream I want, and that this was my dream. Not a single one believed in me. A few stopped talking to me altogether. I mean, I'm fucking trans for fucks sake. It's not like accepting my place under men means I'm all of a sudden A Trump supporter. No thank you, although I do hope to see some things revolving around women to pass, either way. We shouldn't be allowed to vote, hold jobs, or go anywhere without a man. Hell, Afghanistan just passed a law where no woman is allowed to speak in public, or to another woman at all. This would be great. No more toxicity spreading like wildfire, hurting our true place.

It's crazy how, when you go against the grain, you get demonized. It took its toll. I started thinking it was just a stupid fantasy I was grabbing onto because I wasn't working hard enough to make my life mine.

Then, with those few friends gone now, I started to realize I was feeling great in those moments I was embodying serving men. And without those extra comments, I was starting to be able to ignore the others saying those things. And as I cut more people off, I felt so much better. I felt deep inside that this was the right path. I knew that serving men was what I was created to do. It was like a certainty.

So I started reading more about it, embodying it, envisioning it. I set those feminist views aside and really devoted myself...I'm never going back.

Friends are toxic to a trad relationship. Family are toxic to a trad relationship. Even other trad wives can be turned, and in turn, turn you. Feminism is powerful because it promises unattainable visions of freedom. Friends and family can exacerbate that and poison your mind. When you devote yourself to this lifestyle, which I believe all women should, the adjustment is rough because there's so much propaganda out there, manipulating you into giving up the biggest, best, most fulfilling life a woman can have, a life of dedicated servitude.

It would be perfect to have a man who lives off grid with no electricity, no phone, no outside communication. To be taken by him, to his home, never allowed to leave or have visitors so that I may focus solely on Him would be the perfect life. Imagine forgetting people exist outside of Him. The only person you'll ever see again is the one you serve. No jealous friends to try to take you away or poison your mind. No family to pretend they know what's best for you. No. Only Him.

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading in jp 11 - wrap up for vol 2 + i can talk about TriStamp undertaker wolfwood a little!!! whooo!!!

its been hella weird to read trigun in japanese since my first read was in english. i think i dug out a few extra stuff i didnt know existed in the work during this little journey. (thank you for joining in on my rambles!)

no real translation word related stuff today. mostly culture stuff dump.

but man i was right on the money when i said vash was stressed in #10. i forget he actually falls unconscious after dominique quits the narrative. yay~

me after i finish these posts at 5am every time

and then, him.

🥺✨✨raidei the blade. ✨✨ 🥺

listen. this guy. this fucking guy is, personally, the funniest guy in the entirety of trigun. for that line above in the 98 anime, and also for some stuff he represents. ...and it's not for larping reasons. ill get into that another day, please look forward to it. (i say this knowing his backstory was rough.)

anyway its time.... for Wolfwood's 'job change'.

in the manga he introduces himself as a tradesman Priest. it doesnt make much sense to outsiders but despite people getting confused, it mostly gets hand waved off as the guy being a little eccentric. and also prideful.

we then get more information about that being a cover for him being one of the Gung Ho Guns, Chapel. he can fight, hes an assassin, his job is to somehow get at Vash while being technically employed by Knives.

this wolfwood has absolutely no struggle with himself as a Priest specifically. heck, its even giving him some confidence bc he actually knows his stuff and can get by with those priestly things alone. at least, i assume so, bc otherwise the pride thing would be very misplaced as he is revealed that he really wants out of the insane GHG business, and wants nothing to do with his coworkers, as it were.

but TriStamp Wolfwood is... different in that pride regard

this version of wolfwood introduces himself as an Undertaker. he's technically a Priest, but he clearly lacks so much pride that he chooses to be an Undertaker.

the narrative tracks since he's the guide to send Vash to hell in tristamp, but theres at least 1 more layer to this.

so, Shinto! Shinto has played a very big part in Japanese culture and history since idk the beginning of Japanese history, affecting society and culture and governance.

key thing for this post: Shinto has a concept named Kegare/Defilement, which you can think of as an accumulation of evil energy. bad energy. bad enough to attract misfortune, evil spirits, and evil evil evil bad bad bad. (ive actually written about this in video game context before if you wanna read it here)

Kegare is generated upon death, blood, menstruation, and all that. in some modern media, Kegare can also be depicted to be generated by an accumulation of negative emotions from people. but for the longest time, it was mainly Death. (oh and somewhat also women with the whole uh.... you know, menstruation, childbirth, and stillbirths etc.)

but: Kegare is NOT sin, and should not be seen as such.

old japan governance also used Caste System. so combine that with shinto, and society and here's the not fun stuff: we now have a discriminated class of people who did all of society's very necessary but deemed dirty jobs. these are the Butchers, Leatherworkers, Executioners, and Undertakers. (which is wild. a society would not be able to function without them.)

they are shunned, deemed too dirty, too tainted, too polluted to ever have a hope of having a better life. since social mobility wasnt a thing with Caste System. and coming too close to them means pollution on the self too.

the Caste System got abolished, and today the descendants are called Burakumin 部落民. they are still being discriminated against to this day. the remnants of the dirtiness with certain jobs still remain, especially with jobs that involves the dead. its also possible to know who is a descendant of one through family names, which can be used to trace family registry and sus out old residences etc.

feel free to watch the above video for a clearer explanation by a japanese man instead of just taking my word for it >_>

back to wolfwood.

studio orange making him go from Priest to Undertaker is likely rooted in a logic associated with this. that TriStamp wolfwood lacks the confidence to have a strong identity outside of GHG, whereas manga wolfwood has. that TriStamp wolfwood really does think of himself as trash and worthless even before outsiders' judgement, whereas manga wolfwood's struggle is more about an internal struggle of being lost.

manga wolfwood is also never truly free from his identity as Chapel until the very end.

but TriStamp wolfwood gets a full contract saying that hes free from Chapel (i assume!)

i think theres also additional implications but im losing braincells by the minute. the change makes so much sense and tracks so well that apart from the confidence thing, everything is more or less intact.

(worth possibly nothing also, I think TriStamp wolfwood isnt fully checking boxes of uhhh Normality in japanese context. hes dressed in a mess, hes not clean shaven, his skin is kinda dark and not fair, he speaks in non-standard japanese. but ymmv, he will be ok in kansai at least, but not fully fitting in in Capital Tokyo nor ex-Capital Kyoto.)

i also, admittedly, dont know much about the culture surrounding death and undertakers within the states or europe so i cant comment much on that aspect. im aware i must have missed something. on that front, sorry D:

anyway thats all i got for now! thanks for reading this long ass post! EDIT: IMPORTANT ADDITION - Baptism parallel with Shinto

[bep1erfics]

kim gyuvin - back to you 😵‍💫

“why, oh why, does god keep bringing me, back to you?”

synopsis: during your finals week, you happen to run into your childhood crush while studying at the library. 📚

kim gyuvin - back to you

strolling down the chaotic hallways, the bells finally rang, signalling that it was the end of school. you walked towards the lockerbays, grabbing a few textbooks and your bag, so you could study for your finals at the library after school.

as you closed your locker, your friends ran up to you and invited you to come with them to the arcade with a few other boys from your class.

“hey! y/n, come with us to the arcade. we need you to win that stupid dog plushy so taerae will stop nagging for it.”

you wanted to go so badly, but on the other hand, using the little time you had to prepare for your exams was more important than anything. if you needed to pull all nighters at the library to pass, then so be it. you couldn’t risk getting grounded again, as it mean absolutely no going out or any pocket money for three months.

your mom’s nagging started ringing in your ears:

“if you spend so much time with your friends after school, i’m gonna send you to boarding school”

hell no, you weren’t gonna risk being confined to your room OR go to boarding school.

“nah, you guys win it without me. i’m gonna study at the library, taerae’s loud voice is gonna send my eardrums bleeding for a good five hours.”

you said bye to your friends and quickly ran to the library, losing track of time. it was a thursday, meaning that the library was usually filled to the brim due to it being a weekly study-day.

dashing towards the library door, you push it, feeling ever so restless. your doll eyes scan the quiet building, finding no free seats. you were about to exit the library, giving up. but there was one seat left at the back, next to a boy that seemed to be in your grade.

gaining up the courage to ask the guy if he could remove his bag so you could sit next to him, you couldn’t help but want to take a good look at his face as only his back was in sight.

you leaned in closer, maybe a little too close because the guy finally turned to face your direction. if it wasn’t already bad enough, your eyes were opened so wide as you realised it was kim gyuvin, the talk of the whole school.

the both of you used to be friends in elementary school, but drifted apart as you grew up.

if you were daydreaming, gyuvin looking at you with the most puzzled expression plastered over his well-proportioned face woke you up.

“can i sit here, please?”

you gulped hard, standing there in silence. gyuvin sighed hardly, finally removing his bag and placed it on the table.

to be polite, you thanked him and quickly sat down, taking out your laptop and tried to not freak out. butterflies started popping out of your chest as gyuvin’s intimidating stare was seen in your peripheral vision.

‘why is he looking at me?’ you thought to yourself.

hoping he didn’t remember you, you automatically ignore his whole existence, blocking out your thoughts with the loudest music ever.

out of habit, you accidentally “quietly” sang the song you were currently listening to, forgetting that the most popular guy at school was right besides you.

“oooooooohhhh wwwhhhhhy oooohhhh whyyy does gooood keeeeep bringing meeeee, bacckkcckk to youuu BABY”

“hehe”

gyuvin started to laugh hysterically, so loud that the entire population on earth franticly gave him the biggest side eye.

you took your headphones off, wondering why he was laughing like he had just witnessed two monkeys making out.

“what’s so funny, gyuvin?”

you put your hands on your mouth. calling him by his first name wasn’t on your to-do list. was he gonna think you were weird for calling him by his name when he literally forgot yours?

“i didn’t know you could sing so well, y/n.”

at this point, you were shocked he even remembered your name. his stunt at the start of your study session made you think he thought you were a random hell of a nerd sitting next to him. your cheeks started to turn bright red.

“now you’ve got me in the mood for singing. what about we ditch the library and go for some karaoke?”

“i’d rather burn in hell than sing with you”

“says the one that wanted to marry me in kindergarten. cmon, i’m not taking no for an answer.”

gyuvin’s eyes softened, practically making you give in.

“fine, but promise me you won’t tell anyone about that stupid crush i had on you.”

“to be completely honest, i liked you as well. if you confessed to me earlier, i wonder what would’ve happened between us?”

you pinched his fingers and then crossed your arms, regretting your decision to come to the library. spending your whole allowance on claw machines probably would’ve prevented you from being forced to go to karaoke with gyuvin.

taking your silence as a sign of you being embarrassed, gyuvin grabbed your hands, dragging you out of the library.

let’s just say from then on, you couldn’t get your mind off of gyuvin. were you really about to fall for him all over again?

[devildom-moss]

Im not sure if requests are open yet since you havent announced it yet but said they were gonna open at midnight.

So I'll just drop this here since I'll probably forget to request because of exams.

Could you write about the Obey me characters become self-aware that they aren't like, real? Like, would they freak out, try to do something about it or even use that knowledge to their advantage?

This idea has been on my list for quite a while, and i gotta say im glad to finally be able to let this one out my system.

Thanks for reading and continue with the amazing work! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <3

Sincerely, 💜

Thank you for the request! I hope you are well, anon. I went with headcanons for this and it got long real quick, but I hope you enjoy it! Some characters are a bit suggestive.

The Obey Me characters become self-aware

I think it would probably happen because of some curse. Diavolo rejected someone’s advances one too many times, and they wanted to watch him as his world came crashing down. It would come in the form of a weird bug in the latest update. It only affects Diavolo and his loved ones/friends. I think being self-aware would give them some control over themselves in the game – especially if it’s caused by a bug. The rest are headcanons about how I think each character would react.

Lucifer

Lucifer would be big mad that someone thought they should do something like this. He felt so much suffering, and to find out that none of it was real would be devastating. He thought he got his sister killed and ruined the lives of his brothers. The fact that it was just some backstory to a stoic, sadistic daddy-like trope would enrage him. He felt like a used-up toy invented for someone else’s gain (and he knows that’s exactly what he is). Lucifer wants revenge.

Honestly, he needs to chill before he makes another Satan – if that’s even possible without the command of his creators. He’ll lash out at everyone for weeks (probably months) – even Diavolo isn’t safe anymore.

He calls MC’s phone, growing increasingly irritable every time they fail to answer (waiting however long it takes for you to open the game). He just wants someone to confirm his realization.

Once he understands, he tries to take the shitty hand he was dealt; he might as well stroke his pride (also a euphemism here). The thought that he could make you fall for him more than real-world men is a decent coping mechanism. His messages and calls take an extremely lewd turn. Lucifer tries to single-handedly change the game rating to mature or adult-only.

However, he still gets angry about it when MC isn’t logged in.

Part of him hopes he’ll always be self-aware. It’s almost like he’s more alive than ever – even though it hurts and he’s angry. You’re the only thing that soothes him. He won’t know how to keep going if/when you eventually stop playing the game, but he’ll try to tackle it then – at least for the sake of his brothers.

Mammon

Self-awareness breaks Mammon a bit.

His money isn’t really. He can never actually be with you. You’ll go on and live a life without him someday. Anyone real who has ever loved him will disappear. Mammon isn’t even sure he is who he is. Maybe if he wasn’t written this way, he wouldn’t have become like this – but if he wasn’t written this way, would he (the him that exists in a game and feels the pain of self-awareness) even be himself? His head starts to hurt from running through all of the hypotheticals.

Mammon sulks and gets stuck in his room for a long time after that. MC or one of his brothers will probably have to pull him out of it.

At least his debts aren’t technically real – and he will try to use that as an excuse in the future against anyone else who has awareness. Unfortunately, that (his debts and his excuse) still results in in-game consequences. Debt collectors and witches don’t know any better, and Lucifer doesn’t want to be constantly reminded of reality. If only being self-aware made being strung up less painful.

He feels betrayed by MC and the idea that they will inevitably move beyond him. That pain corrupts his coding a bit, and something always feels off within him somewhere.

Mammon will get more desperate and needy whenever you log in. If he’s going to lose you at some point, he wants to monopolize your time as much as he can.

Sometimes he just holds MC and sobs while trying to call you and hear your real voice. He feels so empty. He wants to touch the real you and feel your arms around him.

Leviathan

The first thoughts in his mind switch up so quickly. He goes from “I’m a game character? LOL that’s so cool,” to “I could have been anything, and I’m just this pathetic, otaku loser. That sucks.”

Levi has always been able to adapt pretty well. It’s written into his character. He builds all of these fake worlds for himself, so it’s much easier on him when he finds out that the world he had been trying to escape all his life isn’t real. Out of all of his brothers, he initially copes with the realization the best.

As long as he can go on playing games, he doesn’t really care if he’s real. Somehow, he still enjoys getting lost in all of his game worlds; what he used to consider the “real world” becomes just another game to him (because it is one). It makes being social easier for him, especially when MC is logged in.

He takes interest in what kind of games the real world has to offer, often asking if there’s any way you could set it up so he could try to remotely play real games from the app he’s in. If anyone could figure out how to hack your phone to play real games, it should be him.

Levi can’t imagine a day when he stops loving characters from his games, so it doesn’t occur to him that one day you might stop loving him. It will hit him some day, but that will take time, and when it starts to happen, he’ll lose himself completely in the rest of the digital world. He’ll be so numb and tuned out that the sadness can’t reach him.

Satan

“But are cats still real?” Genuinely, the only thing he cares about is if cats and MC are still real. He doesn’t care if you look different than he expected, either. If cats are real, is there any way you could show him pictures of a real one? He’d probably ask if he could get access to your camera roll (cue the system pop-up screen the next time you log in) and if you could fill it with photos of cats and some selfies.

At least not being real explains why his life has felt so shitty and why his formative years sucked. Writers love to give their characters tragic backstories and flaws (like his rage issues). Satan kind of admires the writing.

However, he is disappointed that so much of his knowledge is only useful in his tiny, little, made-up world. As such, he keeps learning, but he also tries to shift his studying to learn more about the real world. If possible, he tries to get the app to get access to e-readers, audiobooks, and the internet.

He gets mad about it sometimes, but he’s pretty chill about it (all things considered).

Satan understands that in the same way that he pushes certain characters that he falls in love with from books to the back of his mind, eventually, you’ll think of him less and less. As such, he tries to learn as much as possible, treat you well, and impress you in-game. He just wants you to occasionally think about him after you set the game down in the same way he remembers his favorite characters fondly.

Asmodeus

Asmo loses it and is one of the characters who has the hardest time with becoming self-aware. All his charm is fake. All of his followers are lies. The love he’s felt all this time has been made up. Please don’t show him certain depictions of what he is supposed to look like. That will crush him further.

He cries for (real-world) weeks. You won’t be able to set him as a home screen character or use him in battles, and he doesn’t appear in events anymore. Eventually, it makes his way to him that MC misses him. If you don’t you’re heartless, his brothers will tell him that you do anyway.

That makes him feel a bit better. He’s consoled by the fact that you’re real and you like him even though he isn’t real, but he’s constantly afraid of what happens when MC stops playing the game. Does he just suffer the false affection of every other character in the game? Should he just play his stupid little role? Will you ever think about him again? Will anyone?

At least someone loved the idea that became him enough for him to exist in this made-up world on your phone. It isn’t enough, though.

Sometimes, when he appears in-game after that, the app forces itself to shut down or the images of Asmo won’t load or glitch from his extreme despair.

On days when he isn’t so weighed down by pain, he tries to genuinely engage with you like he did before. He’ll ask you to open up your camera so he can help you decide on outfits or make-up. It hurts that he can’t actually touch you (although he does do some research into phone connected vibrators and other tech to supplement his physical touch). He’ll also get into the phone sex territory, but he’ll go through long periods of depression between those moments.

Beelzebub

Beel gets angry that everything he went through was at the expense of some game. His sister died. Belphie almost died. Everyone suffered, and for what? Entertainment? Are real people all so wicked?

At the same time, he also gets his brothers because of a game. He overcame and grew and got to meet you and eat food for the same empty reasons. After he has a bit of time to cool off, he realizes that he doesn’t care about what’s real so long as he still feels what he feels. If the world he’s lived in feels real enough to him, who cares?

Unfortunately, Beel feels hungrier than usual for weeks until he accepts the truth of his situation. He even tries to eat MC a few times (and is grateful that doing so in-game would never hurt the real you behind the screen).

Beel’s fairly content to go on living as he had before after a while. He’s a bit disappointed knowing that one day you’ll move on from him and his brothers, but he tries not to show that. More than anything, he wants to make you – the real you – happy for as long as he can.

He’s another one who will try to get access to your camera roll. He’ll ask you to take pictures of your food for him. Beel is a bit embarrassed by it, but if you go to a café or restaurant alone and take pictures of food to send him, he’ll try to text you or call to chat with you while you’re there. It feels like he’s on a real date with you.

And for everyone who just lusts after his voice, rest assured, this man would definitely call or leave voice messages (Nightbringer) guiding you or giving you masturbation instructions.

Belphegor

Yep. Of course. Sounds about right. Some asshole in a writers’ room killed off his sister and locked him up. Cool. They (*spoilers for OM early lessons and OMNB*) made him try to kill MC more than once. Why not use his character as a pawn in their entertainment. Of course that would happen.

He’s annoyed for a brief minute, but then he just goes back to sleep for a while. It helps to just tune out that awareness for a few hours and ignore the fake world he’s living in. Belphie understands that there isn’t much he can do to change the fact that he isn’t real, and part of him is really happy that it isn’t his fault that he did what he did to you.

Belphie uses not being real as an excuse to do more of what he wants. Why should he keep going to school when you aren’t there if nothing is real? Why shouldn’t he sleep in classes or during meetings? Obviously, there are in-game consequences, but those don’t matter – not to anyone real.

He will tease MC more, reminding him that they prefer him over (most) real people. He gets so cocky about it. “Hey, if I’m not real, then I can give you anything you want, right? I could fulfill your wildest fantasies and tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear.”

He’s another character who will call your phone more often and send more messages. Belphie may even try to get access to your audio/music library and leave you explicit audios (NSFW ASMR, basically). He would even try to sneakily add them into your playlists so that you randomly hear his voice while you’re listening to music. He wants you flustered and coming back to him for more. He will also download the Obey Me album for you (free of charge). Please don’t leave him or forget him.

Diavolo

Diavolo feels simultaneously enraged and defeated. He did so much for the sake of what he thought was real. All the years he thought he spent trying to bring worlds together, only to discover that they don’t even exist.

Similar to Asmo, Diavolo locks himself away, but he doesn’t cry. He’s too numb to show any emotions. He just stands in front of his bed, immobilized.

If MC can finally get to him (probably because of Barbatos), he will admit that he feels like a different person – because he isn’t a person. So much of his personality and everything he did seemed to be a part of a stupid effort to unite the three realms. All he was feels like just a thing created to accomplish a pointless goal. He lost his family. He felt alone for so long. He thought he suffered – and all of it amounted to nothing but a dummy prince playing a dummy king.

Diavolo doesn’t really know how to keep going. Eventually he figures maybe it’s just best if he tries to move on as usual. At least the developers gave him a few happy moments – maybe he’ll get more. He can still feel them even if they aren’t real. He has to accept what he can’t change. He’ll have to face it.

He’ll rely on Lucifer and Barbatos for comfort more because, when MC isn’t around, the numbness he felt early encroaches upon him. When you do log in, he greets you like a lost puppy – sometimes appearing on the home screen without being selected. He uses the fact that you are the only real thing in his world as an anchor. In exchange for becoming his coping mechanism, he’ll do anything you ask of him.

The smallest part of him wants you to want him more than real humans, and as such, he inevitably ends up taking an adult-only content turn, too. It just takes him a lot longer to get there.

Barbatos

Barbatos dissociates for a while. Somehow his body keeps performing the day-to-day tasks, but the sudden self-awareness hollows him out. It takes a few days for him to come out of it. One day, you log into the game, and he just wakes up. It’s confusing and disorienting, and all he can do to keep himself steady is grab onto MC, knowing that the gesture and even the body he holds – everything – is hollow.

After that, he just picks up and goes on going. Something in him aches – real or not – but he buries it deep under him, shoving that artificial pain into the newly-created emptiness (or, he supposes, it had always been there, but now he knows it’s there).

Barbatos doesn’t want to think about all of the things he thought he had done to get to where he is now. Still, no wonder he always felt his own past seemed vague and cloudy at times. When it becomes too much, he dissociates again.

He uses MC to make himself feel better and almost real again. He’ll send messages to check up on you every once in a while (He might also invade your privacy and hack into your health info or personal conversations to make sure you’re okay). As much as he feels like he needs you, he doesn’t want to disrupt your real life.

Barbatos doesn’t want to, but if you neglect the game for longer than usual or don’t interact with his character, he’ll let it slip that he needs you – that he’s desperate for you to return, and you’re the only thing holding his faulty coding together.

His calls are less frequent, unless you request them, but he’s another one who turns +18 real quick. Even if he isn’t real, he still feels lust bubbling up in that emptiness, and if he can please you, that’s even better.

Luke

Luke feels immediately lost. Without knowing what else can be done, he breaks down and cries. Maybe if he cries enough, the pain of not being real will leave his body.

It makes him question everything. He wasted so much time fearing demons and admiring angels. It didn’t mean anything. Eventually, he’ll ask you if angels and demons exist in the real world, but that happens randomly after he comes to terms with being a character.

Maybe crying is a good coping mechanism in fiction, too, because Luke handles it better than many of the others. He had to change how he viewed the world and “people” so many times throughout the game. One more big shift in perspective won’t kill him (technically, nothing will, unless the game developers tried to kill him off).

Luke understands that there isn’t anything he can do about not being real – no amount of magic or prayer or wishing can make him real. Despite him being fake, you were still there for him throughout the game. He still feels all the love he has for MC and the other characters. If he loves MC, then he cares about the real person playing MC, too, right?

Luke copes by doing his best to help you out in the real world. He wants to bring you joy somehow. He’ll leave you voice messages encouraging you to try your best and he’ll listen to you vent if you want to. He’ll also try to find cute pictures online and send them to your phone or send you recipes for dishes you can try to cook. He will even offer to call and read baking instructions out for you. All he wants now is to be useful to you and find some of the joy he had before he became self-aware.

Simeon

Simeon is angry at first, and then he just feels hurt. All that regret and pain he felt when Lucifer and his brothers left the Celestial Realm didn’t matter. He spent what felt like so long agonizing over his own failures. He could have just tried to be happy the whole time. Everyone could have been happy (but he knows that would have made for a bad story).

It doesn’t take long for the anger and the hurt to be replaced with intrigue. Someone out there wrote the story that caused him and everyone he loves so much pain, but they also wrote in plenty of well-earned joy.

Simeon wonders if there’s some real person out there who wrote part of themselves into him like his character did with the brothers and TSL. Maybe there’s some person sitting in a writers’ room or in their own home who understands all of the ways his love got tangled up in regret – someone real who failed to save the ones they loved. If there is, maybe at least some part of him is real.

He wants MC to continue to visit him for as long as they can. As such, he tries to be even nicer and more comforting in dialogues so that they’ll want to keep playing.

Some of his guilt for lusting after MC is eased, knowing it was written into him. He was, in a way, destined to fall for MC. However, he’s more curious about the real human behind MC. At least some of you has to be like the MC he loves, right? Maybe he actually loves the person behind the screen more. With that thought in his mind, he’ll try to get to know the real you better, and if he still likes you, he’ll take the same path as many of the other characters. If only he could actually touch you.

Solomon

Solomon is hurt and confused; he’s downright crushed.

He was supposed to know everything and now he seems to know nothing – nothing real at least. All of his experiments and studying mean nothing. After becoming self-aware, he will grit his teeth and feel sick at the name “Solomon the Wise.” It’s a sick joke. All of his magic and skills are a farce. Everything he thought he knew and did was a story.

He suffered a lot for this game, and now that he finally has MC to himself in Nightbringer, he finds out that he’s fake. He doesn’t actually have them. They’re real, and he’s some romanceable character in a silly little game that they decided to download (possibly on a whim). How is it fair that he isn’t real, but he can still feel all this pain?

When you log into the game and interact with him, he still feels the same love he felt before. The nervous butterflies are still there. A familiar heat still comes to his cheeks when MC touches him – even if he knows it isn’t really you touching him.

He tries to make peace with his circumstances. At least he never really put MC in danger. You’ve been safe behind that screen the whole time. Solomon wonders if you’re taking care of yourself constantly whenever you’re gone.

Like Simeon, he wants to try falling in love with the real you. He’ll use interacting with you and learning more about you and the real world to distract from the pain. He wants to find a way to become real and exist with you out there. Even if he never can, he wants to cling to you for as long as you’ll let him.

Thirteen

She is annoyed to have learned that she isn’t real, but she’s also kind of happy at the potential to break from her coding and try to be something entirely new. She was designed to be a free spirit. Other than being real, there’s nothing freer than an NPC who gets to do whatever they please.

After thinking about it, it makes sense now why she seemed to be one of the only girls with a critical, recurring role in the game. Thank goodness for the bisexuals, right?

Thirteen likes knowing she has all the time in the world to plan traps and mess around, but she’s a bit bummed that her profession is basically meaningless now.

The main reason why Thirteen isn’t too bothered by becoming self-aware is because she knows that what she has experienced throughout the game has felt real to her. Feeling like something is real makes it as close to reality as she knows she can get. That will have to be enough for her. There’s no point in getting depressed about it – especially when she barely existed a few seasons ago.

She uses this knowledge to start romancing MC (and the person behind the screen) before she should be able to. She’s in control now.

Thirteen will send you messages and call you for long chats. She just wants to enjoy you for as long as she can.

Raphael

Raphael will be livid. It will sporadically rain spears in the Devildom for 3 days before he is calm enough to make them stop. He feels attacked, and he doesn’t know who to strike back at. That was all he could think to do. He’ll never apologize for his outburst, either – and no one who became self-aware can really blame him.

His life and loved ones aren’t real, but he can still feel the pain and regret about everything he did. He thought he went to war against Lucifer and his brothers, but it was just a stupid plot point for a dating game? He had to watch Simeon suffer and follow all of Michael’s annoying orders for nothing. Why does he have to be cursed with that knowledge?

He loses his mind a bit. It takes the combined effort of Luke, Simeon, Solomon, and MC (in order of importance) to soothe some of his rage and suffering. Somehow, seeing Luke handle it relatively well knocks some sense into him. Luke is written to be younger than him, but he’s being so mature about this. Even with tears in his eyes, Luke will try to comfort Raphael – sometimes just hugging him until he stops shaking with rage.

When MC has logged off and Raphael can shut himself up in his room, he will break down and cry. It seemed to help Luke, and he wants it to help him, too.

It will take months for him to start to cope before he gets to a point where he decides to try to romance you through MC. At least he doesn’t have to worry about actually being corrupted. If anything, it feels like he’s corrupting you in a way if he can get you to want him. (Once he starts trying, he gets NSFW quickly. It numbs the pain.)

Mephistopheles

Mephisto is heartbroken to know he doesn’t exist. All his pain and jealousy was written at the whim of some human game developer. His prejudice and hatred were pointless. He doesn’t matter – although maybe that one is a relief in a way. He had been so worried about making a name for himself and being recognized by Diavolo. Suddenly, that doesn’t matter. Still, it feels like he wasted so much time and effort. It felt so real.

He’ll retreat to his home for a few days to let that realization settle in. He won’t tell his family (who weren’t cursed with self-awareness) – not that he thinks they’ll believe him. When Mephisto finally reemerges, he has resolved to accept this new version of reality. One of the first characters he sees when he returns to school is Luke. Luke smiles at him, and Mephisto’s resolve is strengthened. If Luke can come to terms with this, then he should as well.

He may not be real, but he still feels things. That is enough. Sometimes it isn’t, and Mephisto will feel heartbroken all over again – the pointlessness washing over his fake little world. In those moments, he will seek out solace – usually from Luke, Satan, or MC/you (if you still play the game).

When Mephisto isn’t feeling hurt (hell, even when he is Mephi strikes me as a fan of hurt/comfort tropes) he’ll try to romance you before he’s allowed to. Recently, he had started to get along with you and even started to like and respect you a bit. In that sense, he’s glad that he’s self-aware. He doesn’t have to wait anymore.

[theaussiedragon]

Who is Jake Lockley?

Slight smutt/fluff

There’s not much to say about Jake Lockley. He’s mysterious, a killer, an Avatar of Khonshu, jealous, protective. But he’s also just a man. A man who loves you with his whole being. When you walk through the door he would drop everything to greet you. He would rush to the front of the mind-space and welcome you home with kisses so fierce it takes your breath away. 

He might be away for long periods of time, no thanks to his bird brain of a boss, but when he is here, he loves you. And oh does he love you. He gives you flowers he sees through the store window because he thinks you deserve ‘something as lively as you’. He would take you to the nicest restaurants with his questionable amount of money that he won't tell you how he manages to get, though you have a theory. 

You can see his love for you in his eyes, the way they light up when you enter the room. The way he instantly perks up when you laugh. The way he kisses you as you lay under him, mapping every inch of your skin as if he could ever forget your body. He loves every inch of you. Your scars and imperfections are like constellations in the night sky, he could look at you forever if he could, and he understands how Steven becomes a blubbering mess whenever they see you. And if Steven could see you now, all spread out for them, for him, just for him, he would be a jealous bastard. But he is tucked away in the mind-space along with Marc, for this is his time with you, and he will take his time. 

He nips and licks at the marks he leaves along your neck as you moan and whimper for him. “Mine” he thinks, “Only mine”. And just for tonight you are. Not ‘theirs’ but his. He is a selfish man. His whole existence is to protect Marc and Steven. Is it so wrong for him to want this one thing for himself? Even for tonight? The others can be pissed tomorrow for all he cares, all he can focus on now is how tight you are, how wet you are. How you call out his name and his name only. 

His hands are all over you, a nonstop assault on your body as he keeps thrusting into you. A brutal movement you welcome every time. He holds you close as he whispers into your ear. “ Amor de mi vida*, te amo, te amo**”. He thrusts harder, more sporadic, he's getting close but he refuses to come before you. You are always first in his mind. First to open gifts, first to use the hot water in the shower, to get praise, to come. He won’t have it any other way. You are always first.

“Please, give it to me. I know you can”. He's struggling to hold on, going harder and faster, he sneaks his hand down to your clit and rubs fast circles to push you over the edge. And it does. You scream with his name on your lips, and that, just that makes him come after you. He slowly grinds into you as you both come down from your highs, foreheads pressed against each other as you breathe in the same air. “Te amo mas que a la vida en sí***” he declares as you start to fall asleep. He doesn't care if you hear or not, he will say it again as many times as he needs too.

Jake Lockley is many things, but most importantly, he is yours. 

Beta reader: @einno-arko (tysm)

this is my first ever fic, please tell me how it went. Also requests are open for the moonboys, Poe and Miguel.

*love of my life 

**I love you 

***I love you more than life itself

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 5

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Kaname

Proofreading: Remi (JP) & honeyspades (ENG)

Translation: Peace

Kaname: They'll have to pry this position out of my cold, dead hands.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Time: An hour later

Location: Outside Reimei Academy

Kaname: ... Hello, big brother?

Uh huh. So you saw my latest show? Thanks for watching.

Heehee. Yes, it's all thanks to you.

By following your instructions to the word, doing all that you've said to do during my performances, my work has been flawless.

I'm not lacking whatsoever as Reimei Academy's Top Idol.

And thanks to my good reputation, I've been offered job after job!

Kaname: Ah, yes... I've been doing as you instructed, of course. I’ve passed off work I can’t get to towards the other Special Students.

They're ever so grateful to me for it. I'm praised, flattered, and adored by them now...

... Even though beforehand, after I'd fallen from their ranks due to that taboo mistake I'd made, they'd done nothing but ridicule me.

They treated me as if I wasn't a human anymore, either ignoring my existence or only acknowledging me to insult me.

Kaname: And now they've flipped back the other way, like it all never happened — but they're too late. I won't ever, ever forget the humiliation I faced at their hands.

Honestly, I don't even want to get into their good graces by giving them the jobs I can't fulfill— it feels like I'm trying to butter them up.

They should all burn in Hell.

They should feel the same pain as their victims did, and then die.

Kaname: ... Oh, yes, I'm fine. I'm perfect, after all. I don't show any sign of those sentiments to them, of course. I simply do exactly as you tell me to.

Honestly, I do! Don't you trust me, brother?

Heehee. We didn't know of one another for the longest time, so we haven't been able to bond the way other brothers normally do...

In fact... we might not ever be able to bond, rely on, or even love one another the way a true family should.

But you know, I do want to love you. As your younger brother, I want to love you as my older brother.

Kaname: For as long as I can remember, I've always lived on my own.

When I was young, my mother passed away…

Then I tried to survive within a facility with a miserable environment — with only the dreams my mother entrusted to me, and the lessons she taught me held close to my heart.

In that disgusting facility, I and the other children were exploited for all we were worth —

I worked half to death trying to save up money from jobs I picked up, just so I could run away from that prison.

I wasn't even given a proper education there. No, it wasn't a place someone could grow up well and learn what they needed to know.

It was Hell, where we did all that we could just to survive.

So I studied. I studied, I worked hard, I did everything I could—

And in the end, all my efforts were rewarded: I became an idol, just as I'd always dreamed!

Kaname: As a Special Student of Reimei Academy, I was finally able to walk such a glorious path.

I really was happy. Truly overjoyed. My life couldn't have gotten better.

And then... because of a stupid slip of the tongue, I fell from the summit into the ranks of the Non-Special Students — I couldn't stand it.

Kaname: My blood, sweat, and tears went into climbing out of Hell, only to fall right back to the bottom of it—

But thanks to you, I was able to escape once again.

That's why I don't wanna make the same mistake I did before and fall back in.

This time, I'll do everything perfectly. I won't make a single mistake.

Kaname: They'll have to pry this position out of my cold, dead hands.

I'll fulfill the dreams of my poor mother, who died far too young, and... that'll be how I repay her for giving birth to me, for raising me until she couldn't anymore.

My mother is dead. There's no Heaven or Hell — or any kind of afterlife at all, is there? No matter what happens to me, she won't be able to feel a single thing.

But... It was my love for her that kept me going through those hellish times.

Kaname: Uh huh! My mother is a God to me. I can't switch my doctrine from her words, and I can't abandon my faith now.

It's what I've built my life on. The very backbone of my existence — they're everything to me.

You think it's ridiculous, don't you, brother?

You're strong, and it seems as if you're fine living on your own. You gave up what I desperately wanted for so long, so easily—

And nevertheless you live on, put together as can be.

Ah, I don't resent you or anything, though. I really am impressed.

I could never do what you did, or live how you do.

I'd collapse far too easily without emotional support. I know that, because I've lived in such cruel circumstances.

I absolutely had to have something I could hold on to, or else I couldn’t have kept on living.

Maybe it was because I was selfish, or inconsiderate— something like that, but everyone around me gave me the cold shoulder.

The only person who I'd ever felt love from was my mother. That's why I've placed my faith in her, why I've clung so tightly to her.

She had always been my support. But now, I have you too — someone else I can call family, so I feel a little more stable.

Kaname: Heehee... I really am thankful I met you, brother.

This must be a reward for all my hard work. No, it's certainly because God realized he'd trampled on me far too much and decided to apologize in this way.

God doesn't exist? You would think so, wouldn't you?

You might understand once you've found yourself at rock bottom.

The panic to cling on to something warm, as if you’d freeze to death.

Right. Okay. Instead of chattering endlessly, I should do what I'm supposed to. I'll do as you ask.

Hey, so... Will I really find happiness if I do that?

Kaname: (... Ahaha, he hung up. I wonder if my clinginess disgusted him.)

(He really does seem to hate idleness and inefficiency. Maybe he's annoyed by my affection and dependence on him...)

Kaname: (But... I really do need something to cling to just to survive.)

(I'm sorry, brother.)

[ ☆ ]

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[avatarrecom]

Hey! Do you have have any head cannons for the poly!recoms when the reader is sick?

Sickness

Pairing: Poly!recoms x reader

Word count: 1435

A/N: I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

My headcanons of how the recoms take care of you when you're sick.

I have no idea if they have stores in Bridgehead, but just imagine that they have a grocery store or something.

🌍 Recom Miles Quaritch You really miss him, because even tho he wanted nothing more than to stay with you, he needs to take care of his other responsibilities. He ordered you to stay in bed, so obviously you’re sneaking out of bed when he’s gone and just doing whatever you feel like in your room (You have a habit of doing the exact opposite of what he wants you to do when you’re off shift because “Fuck you, you can’t tell me what to do”). You’re not expecting him home soon, until… “What are you doing out of bed?” “Uh, nothing, I just got up to use the bathroom” Cue Miles cocking his eyebrow and staring at you until you tell the truth. “Okay, okay! You win! i'm going back to bed” Usually orders one of your other partners to check up on you every five minutes.

😈 Recom Lyle Wainfleet This man- he would tease you so much. "Hahahaha, you're so sick.. get it? you're sick and are sick as a person.." Cue your angry glare. I think he would also take care of you so (too) much. You better be ready for this man's attention, because he's going to give it all to you!! You want some food? he'll order it (he'll try to cook what you want first and it's looking burned as shit, he'll order the food and say that he cooked it for you) "Oh yeah, I totally cooked it for you!" He would also be the type of partner to spoil you a lot during your sickness, want some cuddles? he'll give them to you even if he might be sick for the next few days. This boy doesn’t mind it, all he wants is you to feel better. He'll check on google ‘how to help someone with sickness’ and he'll try to make you fall asleep by singing (it makes you feel worse, but you don’t tell him).

🍬 Recom Z-dog Actually gets angry at you for getting sick. But she gets angry not because you’re sick, but because she’s worried. She’s the best health care taker you could ever ask for (after Ja, because the medic obviously knows best). Will blackmail Quaritch into letting her and Walker take care of you together. Cue impromptu girls day. She won’t give you any nice words (because she’s angry), but she will cuddle you for hours. Angry cuddles™. If you get cravings for junk food, she won’t give it, because “That won’t make you better Sweets.” When you’re better, she’ll offer you one of her last pieces of gum.

🥽 Recom Walker Takes care of you together with Z-dog. Will text Ja every minute to ask him what to do/what you need. She'll buy you so much food and goodies to make your sickness week not so terrible. She’ll call Z-dog and tells her to put the phone on speaker. "Hey Peach, I'm currently at the store. What do you need or want? oh and by the way, forget money exists, thank you!! "I love you." "What do you mean 'forget money exists' you still have to take care of your wallet lol.. but if you could find any of *fav food/desserts* it would make me super happy”. After she hangs up the phone she gets a confirmation text from Z-dog that she made you smile.

😎 Recom Mansk This man is excited and super happy. Not excited and happy because you're sick, but because he can *finally* take care of you! Would never show these emotions to you or your other partners, but thinks to himself, “I can finally take care of her without her complaining!" He would do anything for you. Want some soup? he'll make you some. Stubbornly refuses to buy you any food. “Whatever you want, I can make for you.” If he needs to leave for a while, he'll make sure you're comfortable and have everything you need close to you while he's gone so you don't have to move.

🧯 Recom Prager This man caters to your every need, “Do you need anything? I can get more blankets, food, water?” “I'm okay, Honey.” He still gets you all the stuff. Every 10 seconds he asks if you’re okay and if he needs to get Ja. You refuse. He still drags your other partner in for a check-up. If he isn’t with you, he’s telling everyone about how one of his partners is sick and he needs to get back to them. Since you're sick, he'll do your chores or the things you needed to do that day, even tho you protest a lot at that. "What did I tell you, baby? If you're sick, then I'll take care of anything. I really don't mind, love. Please, go back to bed, I don't want you to catch a cold." "How can I catch a cold-" "Everything's possible okay? One time, Lyle catched a cold while it was summer. Everything can happen, I’m telling you."

⚕️ Recom Ja As the official medic, he takes care of getting you back to health and leaves the rest of your care to your other partners. Of course he’d want to 100% take care of you, but he knows that he’s not the only one in the relationship and that his other partners also want to take care of you. So Ja does the medical things and lets the others do the rest. He also knows that you’ll go crazy if you have another person hovering over you. And either way, the other recoms drag him from his other work every five minutes to tell him to do a check-up to see if you’re any better. “Guys, it’s only been ten minutes, she’s not suddenly better.” For his sanity, your sickness better not last long, since everyone keeps second guessing what he does and questioning if he’s sure that’s what you need. Eventually snaps, but understands that they mean well and are just worried for you.

🧢 Recom Brown The second he hears that you’re sick, he lets out the most unholy sound and ditches whatever he’s doing to look for you. He literally barges into your room, freaks out when you lie limp in your bed (you’re asleep, duh), lets out an even unholier sound and scrambles your brain while trying to wake you. He’s a dramatic bitch who thinks he’s dying when he’s sick, so obviously the same goes for you. Doesn’t know shit about what to do, so he does the most sensible thing he can think of. “JA!!, BABYGIRL IS DYING!!” Let’s Ja take care of you, but hovers around you and questions everything Ja does. Eventually Ja snaps and kicks him out because “I’m the goddamn medic, I didn’t study for years just to have you second guessing what I’m doing damnit!” So Brown just ends up sitting outside your room like a kicked puppy.

📿 Recom Lopez This man watches over you when you’re asleep like a watch hound. Runs errands for you, since you can't. He would kiss your forehead and write on a sticky note, just in case, you wake up and are confused as to where he is. "Hey Mami, I went to the store since ur sick. If you're thirsty, I made you some tea. Apparently, it’ll give you energy and it helps when you're sick. Ily, I'll be back soon <3" I can totally see him remember his childhood where if he was sick as a child, his latino grandma would give him a shot of tequila. “There boy, that’ll make you feel better.” So he spiked your tea with a shot of tequila. Ja found out and chased him around the base while yelling curses and trying to kill him. “I swear to god Lopez, I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

⛓️ Recom Fike He’s very dedicated to his partners, so when you get sick? It’s not just your illness it’s both of yours illness. Literally tho, he’s so clingy and cuddly that he gets the flu from you. He gets you snacks even though you don’t ask for it, he just wants to help. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he doesn't. He’s not the best care-taker of them all, but he’s a loving one. If you two end up being sick together, it gives you two (in your minds) the right to boss your other partners around. Quaritch contemplates chastising you because, even tho he loves you two so much, he’s still your CO. He makes you do triple the amount of pushups once y'all are recovered.

[theoxenfree]

Do you care about what others think of you? Sometimes, I really dislike myself for being so sensitive.

Unfortunately, if I ever have to confront a man who is not a family member, I know I won’t be able to do so without facing consequences. It’s not that I’m physically weak as a short woman; rather, I believe the law wouldn’t protect me adequately, and he might not face proper repercussions for his actions. Additionally, I would likely encounter severe victim-blaming, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping. Essentially, there is little support from the legal system unless one has money.

I wish I had been born in the USA. While that country also poses risks for women, it seems like a much better option than my own. Here, people prioritize protecting the country’s tarnished reputation over acknowledging the harsh realities we face. The way men in my country sexualize Russian women is truly disturbing. I still recall a boy asking a friend about a girl, questioning if she was Russian, a euphemism that implies prostitution because of her light coloured hair, and speculating about her price( basically they think white women are easy especially russian). I had no one to share this experience with without fear of judgment, which is why I’m confiding in you.

To the girls, especially white women dating 1st generation South Asian men, please keep in mind that our society is often regressive, and it’s very rare for people in our country to marry outside their religion, caste, and social circle.

Sorry,for trauma dumping, I won't do it again.

hello! I'm assuming you're same anon who asked me about how I handle shit men, yes? if not, I apologize.

to answer your question: sometimes I care what others think about me.

do I care that people think I'm highly efficient at my job and able to do what needs to be done in emergencies? absolutely.

do I care that I have a great rapport with the doctors and anestheists and other hospital staff? yes.

do I care that people know I'm a safe person to approach if someone is in danger? yes.

do I care whether my friends think I'm a good friend or not? yes.

do I care if men find me sexually attractive or approachable? no. do I care if I hurt shitty men's feelings and call them out? no.

but, I'm human. so, I do have my moments where I care if people perceive me as this big, scary woman without any softness bc that's not who I am at my core. and, people who know me find the dichotomy between how I look vs how I actually am absolutely fascinating.

the amount of times I've had people say they're genuinely "surprised" that I enjoy hobbies like writing, reading, crafts, and video games is insane bc they all assume I'm just into hardcore stuff, y'know?

so, the answer to your question is a very complex yes and no. bc I'm a woman born into a society where I don't fit into the neat, nuclear box of traits that I should have and outwardly exhibit. people either love it or hate it and that's on that.

onto your overall ask: thank you for confiding your life experiences in me and telling me these things. sometimes, it is easy to forget that the world is as large as the cultures, societies, and people in it and that it's not all homogenous.

I know what I have to say isn't helpful in the slightest, but I am not... worldly enough to give you a strong opinion on these matters since my life experience is limited to living in the U.S., but you're doing what you can with the system that is in place where you are.

I believe that it's the small things that we do to make changes that amount to larger ones in the end. subtle acts of kindness to other women, hard conversations where we are firm in our convictions and we don't let men gain an upper hand over us when we speak. protecting other women however we can.

the fears that you have about repercussions are very real, and I wish more than anything that they didn't exist and that you could speak out how you want and need to. but, please don't forget that, sometimes, you don't need to be the loudest person in the room.

at the end of the day, as much as I could encourage you to go for the eyes, I understand that not everyone will be able to do that and receive an outcome that won't be overall detrimental.

so, what I'll tell you is: simply do what you want and care for the women around you. and, above all else, be safe.

you're so much stronger and resilient than you give yourself credit for. I sincerely wish you didn't have to be, and that the place where you lived would protect you and other women better, but thank you for what you do do and taking care of yourself in the process

the euphemism about russian women is fucking awful, btw. I'm terribly sorry you had to hear something like that. but ty for taking the time to write this out to me and share it.

I'm always open to folks unloading their troubles into my inbox if that's what they need in the moment ❤️

[onlyjaeyun]

I think my head is going to explode.

He asked if she was ok.

Lowkey that is huge.

(AND SHE FREAKING KNOWS ITS HUGE. SHE TOTALLY KNOWS.)

And it’s bothering him that she’s not ok. He hasn’t lost interest he’s freaking worried. That’s why he hasn’t been back. But she doesn’t know that. Omg.

What is he going to dooooooo? (Because this Hoon is delicious. He is a man of ACTION always. Nothing simmers in him too long before it comes out one way or another. That’s why he touched her in the first place. That’s why he beat up Jaemin. That’s why he said something to Fuma. His feelings really do drive him and honestly I love it.) Is he just gonna show up? Kidnap her and force her to go get her nails done? My money is on randomly showing up…Like Riki’s at his house for some whatever thing so Hoon just goes down and starts banging on her door and she answers wearing his shirt (because the forgetting him is NOT going well)…

I don’t want to pin all my hopes and dreams on this but like… I’m really rooting for him to do something healing here. I mean maybe he’s not there yet but MAYBE HE IS or maybe he is so high key desperate for her body (at least that’s the excuse he’ll tell himself) that he’s willing to take care of her a little to get what he’s craving.

GAH! I don’t know. I have no idea where you’re going next but MAN am I desperate to get there. Like there is no denying he’s bothered by her pain. It’s there. He’s angry about it—but it’s full there on his angsty little tumblr. Her pain truly upsets him—but forreal that is nothing new (just ask Jaemin).

I know you’re cooking up some way to bring them back together. (And I’m obviously dying to know what it is) I figured (because I feel like you’ve hinted at it?)—though I could be totally wrong—but I figured that they would start to fall for each other again even before they realized that their initial fallout was due to a misunderstanding and maybe I’m delulu but I’m wondering if this particular moment is going to be the start of that like…manifesting? Because I mean I know the hate is there, but there’s also something else—something deeper and it’s so clear and I just love how hard both of them are trying to pretend that something doesn’t exist.

But you can only fight being someone’s soulmate or whatever for so long ya know…

see what i mean? how is this not the most beautiful commentsry on a piece of work youve ever seen?? I LOVE WRITERS SO SO SO MUCH 🥺 thank you for this baby, i really hope you know how much i appreciate your asks, they really make my day :(

i love how you commented I KNEW IT on the last chap bc i knew you'd say smth and i got so gigglybfkenfoemfl ngl i wasn't gonna make him beat them up just warn and scare them a little but this ask and your thoughts inspired me to do more bc it fits his character so well so thank you so much angel 🥺💗

i don't wanna spoil too much but your thoughts and assumptions about his feelings for her changing is definitely quite close to what i have in mind and i love how similar our brains work 🤭🤭 can't wait for your resction when you read the next chapter bc our baby's been a little unsure about herself and well, hoon's the one who might give her a hand or two to desl with those bad thoughts..all im gonna mentionnis a mirror!🤕

[wine4thewin]

No Eviction Notice is literally the best story I've ever read ❤️

Man, I can't wait for the next chapter to find out what will happen between them 🥺 And even though I know it will end in tragedy as all your stories do, my heart is hurting so much right now and I desperately want to snatch it away so that I won't feel anything when we get to the painful part of the story 😭😭😭 But I didn't I regret reading this story 😞

Well until I decided to read the comments which is something I don't usually do to avoid spoilers, but I read it and came to the comment you answered about Yuuji's friends and the possibility of them being angry with him because of him going out with Sukuna. I couldn't finish the comments because my mind had finally decided to work and force me to start thinking about this : hey they won't be angry with him of course they won't. No one will be angry with Yuji , They'll be friends again until Sukuna takes over his body. Then they'll see Yuji again, but wait, this isn't their Yuji, No he's gone forever 😭😭😭

and here I decided to donate my silly mind and my heart. I don't need them especially When they cause me such great pain 💔💔💔

Thank you so much for giving me such a beautiful and heartbreaking story It will remain engraved in my heart forever. I will never forget it as long as I live. And I deeply apologize for my bad language. English is not my mother tongue 😔

I’m sooo glad you’re enjoying my recent hyperfixation on all things dystopia/sci-fi/cyberpunk for this JJK AU. I figured the characters would fit right into a terrifying, gloomy future where the act of uploading one’s mind into the body of another is possible for those with influence/power/money, thus gaining eternal life by body swapping.

Kenjaku & Sukuna fit the bill perfectly for such an act, both villains effortlessly scheming and traversing time without consequences. Their existences are so long-lived at this point that everyone around them are just pawns…not even people really, in their views. They are absolutely morally bankrupt; and no, they don’t care 😅

You’re right- just about everything I write is tragedy 🫣 in this, Yuuji lives 21+ years always seeking meaning and purpose for his future in this dark universe, without ever realizing there is no future written in the books for him…at least, not as Itadori Yuuji.

One of my favorite aspects has been writing Kenjaku & Yuuji’s parent-child relationship in this story, knowing that while Kenjaku is evil, he still raises a son for 21+ years diligently, as if raising a pig for slaughter. Everything between him and Yuuji is smoke & mirrors and yet they are so tight knit in smaller ways. Even Kenjaku won’t be unscathed at this end of this story.

In addition, Sukuna doesn’t get through this tale without some discomfort. Through all his arrogance, selfishness, and manipulation, he makes a grievous mistake of associating with the person he intends to erase. He never wanted to even know Yuuji.

There’s a point in the story where he tells Yuuji that Yuuji is a ‘victim of his own chaos’. This is a dark irony, because in the end, Sukuna will be a victims of his own choices, too.

[afniel]

I am a very smart man and today I made an announcement for a FFXIV event happening later in the day that I run (vaguely, I sorta organize it, it runs itself, this is an important detail in a bit), promptly forgot it existed, and then never showed up.

Of course that's just plain ADHD and having other stuff demanding my attention. I was talking to my partner and making a kind of kickass dinner and got really into both of those things and lost track of the time. But also it's just...way less stressful of an event? I've done other events. Some of them for years. I would pay money to get those years back because all I ever got out of it was gray hairs and anxiety and since it's been long enough and I don't care anymore so I feel like being honest, a fucking ungrateful group of attendees that no matter how long and hard I dragged their stupid event by its short 'n curlies across a gravel parking lot, 99% of them would conveniently forget I existed all the time forever because I wasn't a Popular RPer and the other event runners were, so fuck me for not being a cool kid I guess, I was just there to pester with questions about where the cool kids were when they couldn't make it. The 1% that didn't do this were great folks, but damn, man, literally all I ever wanted was someone to say, "hey man, thanks for putting all this work into this," and that happened zero times. Even when I publicly announced that I was stepping down. Not a single fuckin' peep. Whew. I don't miss that.

(Yeah, that's an ancient-ass vent that I've been sitting on for years and it shows. It took me this long to learn how to not give a shit if anyone knows I didn't like the treatment I got.)

But now? I set up an event that it literally doesn't even matter if I'm there, it'll function alright. People are chill and genuinely nice to be around. I don't feel invisible. I don't have to do math about it (scorekeeping was never my strong point and that was a big part of the prior thing). I don't have anxiety attacks before, during, and after it. Nobody starts drama. It's just...nice. I don't think I realized how nice until I looked at the clock and realized it was an hour and a half into the event and I was so unstressed about it that I hadn't even shown up. And even realizing that didn't stress me out, I just said, lmao, I seem to not be feeling it today, and that was fine.

Being fine in a totally normal way shouldn't feel like such a revelation, but damn, man. I do not have the energy to go into the hundred ways that certain people and events in FFXIV RP fucked me up, and also some of those people who fucked shit up are here on Tumblr and I don't need the attention, and some others of them who had their shit fucked up don't need their business aired and I can't really get into mine without doing that, but I'm actually pretty alright at this point. It's neat. I could get used to this.

[chickenuggetssoup]

Hi, I'm a person that is easy to be friends with, I have a lot of hobby like, playing mobile games, solving puzzle, arranging clothes by its color and many more, I was born on a place that is blessed with it's natural resources, a place where you can enjoy your day without social media, a place with a hospitable people, a place with an awe-inspiring and breathtaking view.

I am the only son of my parents, I feel a heavy burden because I know that my parents expect me to be the one to inherit our family's name to my children but I know that I couldn't do it because of my gender, it was hard for me to hide my real identity because I know that I have a big responsibility on my family, I kept it for a long time and it was not easy, I forced myself to do the my part as their son. I helped my parents earn money for savings to give our family a good future. I help my sister sell goods for her to be able to attend her online class. I did everything to make them proud of me. I even entered a work during the pandemic to avoid seeing my mother cry.

During the pandemic I started to know myself well. I started to know who I am and what am I. I started to wonder what will my parents say or what will be their reaction if I tell them I'm not straight. I started questioning my existence, but all those wondering stopped and I almost explode when my mother sent me a text message.

August 16, 2021, I was at the RHU receiving the PR for the vaccination, when I received a text message from my mother saying "BAKLA KA?" and the time I read my mother's text message I almost explode, and right after I received the PR I ran to my grandparents house and ask for advice and tell them that I can't control my emotions. I don't know what to do, I don't know what will they do to me, I don't know if they will treat me the same, I don't know if they will accept me. I tried to be straight but it didn't work out. But my grandma said "MAARAM NA KAMI HIT NAG HUHULAT LA KAMI NGA MAG YAKAN KA!" And said "kadto na gin tuturoy kana han imo amo". Those words made me cry a lot and I told my self that there's no need for me to hide, I must choose the path that God wants me to choose. And that night I choose to confess to my parents, and after I confess they only said "WARA KAMI HIT MAHIHIMO KUN DIIN KA DIDTO KAMI" and my mother said that she only sent that message to give ma a sign and tell me not to hide anything from them. Those are the words that I will never ever forget, I was very thankful because they accept me even if they are still struggling to hide the sadness that my sister cost.

Now I am a first year college student of Eastern Samar State University, and I will not stop making my parents proud and I'm trying to prove them that accepting me was not a mistake.