#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????

[izzy-b-hands]

today should be a t break day

bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts

but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain

so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either

[aayakashii]

No idea why I suddenly thought of this. Literally the most random dumb thought ever but okay

You tell them a knock knock joke:

Jin:

Shuts you up immediately. Doesn't entertain it. Says something like "why the fuck are you wasting my time, servant" but then you whine a little, so he rolls his eyes and just accepts defeat. He will say your joke sucks though. You will only tell jokes to him when you want to annoy him from then on.

Tohma

Entertains it. Doesn't mean he will find it funny but the thought of embarrassing you by staring at you, deadpan, for way too long after you tell the joke kinda tickles his brain in the right spot. He might chuckle a little just to break the awkward atmosphere. You never try to tell him jokes after that.

Kaito

Will laugh so exaggeratedly just to appease you, but it will have the opposite effect. You will be kinda put off by his fake reaction, and he'll get desperate and ask for a do-over. You try again because he gets way too sad over that, but it doesn't work anyway.

Lucas

Entertains your antics but doesn't find the joke funny at all. He'll be like "I don't understand, what's the point of this question?". Why do you even try to tell him a joke come on that's on you

Alan

Entertains it. Doesn't really understand the joke, but will give the tiniest smile since you seem happy that he answered you. Big of heart, dumb of ass. Great choice for telling silly jokes.

Leo

You don't tell him any jokes. Please let's have a little self-respect now.

Sho

Entertains it. Will find it extremely unfunny but will be nice with it. He just rolls his eyes and says something like "wow sempai you're not funny at all lol" but it doesn't sting. You might tell him some jokes from time to time just to break the ice when you need it.

Haru

He will be the one telling you the joke actually. If you tell him one he doesn't know, he will find it genuinely so funny that you'll have to hold Peekaboo for a moment while he folds in laughter. Probably the best person you could ever choose to tell jokes to.

Towa

Giggles but like. In a condescending way. Like when we see a puppy doing something cute. He'll be like "haha you're so silly, Dandelion" while tucking your hair behind your ear. You can keep telling him jokes if you want I guess, he won't complain as long as you pay attention to him tbh.

Ren

Never entertains it but you tell them anyway to annoy him. Absolutely despises the amount of knock knock jokes you know, but kinda feels a bit flattered when you say you spend time online just to find silly things to tell him. He's living rent free on your mind, huh?

Taiga

Entertains it and actually laughs like HA HA HA HA HA super loud while saying you're actually kinda funny. He's still very intimidating when he asks you to tell another. Good thing: you only need to memorize three or four jokes. He'll forget them anyway.

Romeo

Why would you even try? He doesn't entertain it. If you keep pushing, however, he'll suddenly yell WHO'S THERE out of nowhere just to shut you up. Will kick you out of his room if you pull out another joke from your little clown hat. Not a very good choice if you wanna be funny.

Ritsu

Will ask if you have a warrant that allows you entry in his property in order to knock on his door. Absolutely ruins the fun with more law jargon. Awful choice but you kinda knew that already.

Subaru

Entertains it out of politeness. Also laughs out of politeness. He doesn't really find it THAT funny, but will chuckle so you don't feel bad. He doesn't mind it either, so you can keep telling him jokes, but the reaction is kinda underwhelming.

Haku

Chuckles after you tell him a joke then hits you with:

"Haku: knock knock

You: who's there?

Haku: Ben

You: Ben who?

Haku: Ben thinking about you all day."

If you can handle this type of comeback, then feel free to keep telling him your silly jokes.

Zenji

Absolutely ROARS with laughter and will deplete you of all your jokes. And will laugh at all of them like you just said the funniest thing ever. Alongside Haru, he's the best person to choose when you're in a silly goofy mood.

Ed

Entertains it. Will make it creepy somehow and will tell you some other jokes, but they will be so uncomfortable that you'll wish you never even thought about interacting with him. You can keep telling him jokes if you're a masochist though.

Rui

Entertains it. He will giggle and say you're a silly cutie but you don't know if he genuinely thinks you're funny or if he's just trying to flirt with you. You can keep on telling him jokes as long as you're okay with him calling you every petname in the book in exchange.

Lyca

Entertains it but doesn't understand. Why are you pretending to knock on a door, and why would you even think that's funny? He'll ask you to keep on telling him jokes so he can get used with this weird new human habit he gotta learn.

Yuri

Doesn't entertain it and hates it because he can never guess what's the punchline for your jokes. Will go on a rant about how he has no time to deal with your insanity but he's just upset he can't be as funny as you. Keep telling him jokes if you wanna torture him a bit.

Jiro

Entertains it but doesn't find it funny at all. You're not yelling nor skittish, so where's the fun. Will ask something like "can I go back to work or do you need to get more jokes out of your system?" so he's not really the best choice for telling jokes. But it's on you.

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[evanorphia]

i want so badly to ship lilylene but i don’t see the vision 🙁 can you share some thoughts for lil ol’ me… heh [tiktok proud emoji]

hi e!!!! agh i love this question so much, you don’t understand. i’ve been thinking about lilylene a lot recently, slowly rotting my brain on lilylene and holyall tbh

okay so imagine

they both come from religious backgrounds and they both have complicated relationships with their faiths. marlene is from a catholic background and she knows that her parents would never support her being lesbian because of their faith. this is a fact that she knows, her parents have told her whether it be explicitly or not. lily, on the other hand, doesn’t really know her parents view on queer people but because she had never really been aware of the existence of queer people until she came to hogwarts once she realised that she herself was queer it took her a while to accept it, especially because everyone always said her and james would be perfect together. she was expected to end up with james, the golden boy and the golden boy, a perfect match – right? 

when they got together, lily found it easy to love marlene, in the same way marlene found it easy to love lily, but they both struggled with accepting the fact that they loved the other. marlene had already accepted the fact that she would never like a boy romantically and she found it easier to be in the relationship with lily although there was always that little voice in the back of her head telling her it was wrong. lily hadn’t even accepted this part of her fully though, especially not when they first started dating, and after a while they broke up. lily ended up getting with james, who she never had a problem accepting that she loved because he was a boy and she was a girl. but the thing is, james was also marlene’s best friend. lily broke up with marlene only to end up with marlene’s best friend, fun right?

furthermore, none of their friends ever really noticed that they were together. at first, they hid it, but after a while they didn’t but because everyone saw them as two best friends, only thinking of them platonically, not many of them really caught on and overlooked everything romantic between them, passing it off as two best friends. so, when they broke up, no one else was there to remember what they had. when they both died, no one else was there to tell the stories of how lily evans had once loved marlene mckinnon and how marlene mckinnon had once loved lily evans. and i don’t think after the break up that love they shared ever went away, sure they weren’t together anymore, but they still held the utmost love and respect for the other. it would always go beyond being platonic even if their relationship was only that – two best friends. because that’s what everyone thinks that they are, so why not be that. 

in another world, i think they could have had their fairytale romance, but i don’t think that makes sense for them in canon… or really in any of my AUs i have of them, if you’ve seen any of my edits then you’ve seen how like all of them have been depressing af. i think a lot of what they had was the two of them finding comfort in each other but not being able to accept the fact that the found comfort in the other, they’d always be stuck in this state of yearning after the breakup but not able to do anything because lily was with james.

in the words of my friend soavelee on tiktok: "it kind of has this feeling of „would they? will they?“ and the answer is YES THEY WILL but they could yell it from rooftops and the wind would carry it away and it would never reach the ears of those that mattered"

and now im gonna yap about the brand of lilylene where they never even get together

they have so much potential for a homoerotic friendship, pining over each other and occasionally progressing past things just friends do. but thats what they were, just friends. it was very much a state of limbo they were stuck in, but nothing really happened to take them out of it but neither of them cared much for that, they didn’t care that they may never be able to call the other theirs because they were content and happy with what they had already and that was what was beautiful about their relationship. they’d be supportive of the other if they ended up in a relationship with someone else but they were also so fucking happy to keep the other for themself. BUT THEY WERE NEVER EACH OTHERS. and that was fine. and that was the key thing. it was very much just a thing that happened once and they made no effort to change it

in terms of lilylene coded songs imo: you're not the only one - sam fender sailor song - gigi perez i love you, i'm sorry - gracie abrams maroon - taylor swift all my love - noah kahan free now - gracie abrams she calls me back - noah kahan (for a particularly angsty version of lilylene)

i hope my yap has been substantial for you and has maybe hopefully gotten you to ship them a bit more?? i'd love to hear everyone else's thoughts on lilylene and i would love to yap about them more, this yap was very quick and off the top of my head (also with some input from my friend) so it may not be 100% my best work. i also feel as though this is an appropriate time to say that i am working on a lilylene fic that is my second priority after devant

[azewritessillystuff]

Scholar’s moral tutor

Alhaitham x Male!reader, SLIGHT angst to fluff, mostly fluff tbh

Warnings: slightly yan Alhaitham, angst, reader thinks he is dumb, kinda mean Alhaitham,

An: im screaming, crying. This was a request from an anon asking for Alhaitham angst/fluff but I accidentally clicked post when I was trying to save it as a draft theennn I had to delete the post. So yep, now the ask is gone! IM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭

Alhaitham was by no means a morally green person. He hardly bat an eye to the troubles of the people on the street on his way home. His usual schedule was to get his work done then get home, no exceptions unless perhaps his friends annoyances needed him. Then you changed everything. Suddenly hes working overtime to help you study for your maths exam, even bothering to backtrack on topics you didn’t comprehend. It was only later in your second semester he realized he quite enjoyed the time spent on you. It even came to him that he didn’t want these days to end. He had to have a permanent part in your life- not just your tutor. Yet he didn’t rush it, after all, he believed that as long as he a gave you what you wanted-his knowledge- then you’d never leave him. How wrong he was.

Alhaitham’s bad habits eventually caught up. He was so used to treating people as if they were invisible until they talked to him it was buried so deep in his personality that when he wanted to change, it was taking all too long.

“Are you even listening to me? I said the formula is x^3+y^3+2^3=k not x^2-“

“Stop blurting when you can be thinking, y/n.”

“No. You are wrong. Start over.”

“Pay attention, y/n.”

You buried your head in your book, biting your lip so hard you swore it bled. Why could you still hear Alhaitham’s voice in your head? You were alone and Alhaitham wouldn’t check on you for another hour. You managed to grit your teeth and breath in , lifting your pen again and starting to write down more notes. “Grip the pen like this. Messy handwriting may become illiterate, which is not acceptable in the Akademiya.”

You stood up, breathing deeply. No, no! You were fine, fine, fine.

After a few more failed attempts at calming down, you jotted it down to lack of sleep-deciding to skip lessons with Alhaitham today to sleep early.

That was just it, you didn’t want to avoid him.

—

”Where were you yesterday, y/n?” Alhaitham demanded, his eyes looking a bit more irritated then usual. You had totally not expected Alhaitham to find you during lunch, more than a little miffed at the fact that you had left before he could meet you yesterday. All you could do was manage a pained smile, “Ahaha…I…had…a…uhm…”

Okay, okay, think of excuses! My grandma died-ok no, she already had. Uhh, my dog ran away. Tsk, no, you don’t have a dog! My cat committed arson-You don’t have a cat either!

You just stared up at him, giving him an awkward smile. Embarrassment kept creeping up your cheeks as Alhaitham stared you down, frowning. It was only after a few awkward moments of silence Alhaitham brought up his hand to rub his head tiredly, sighing, “Fine. I suppose since you didn’t have an exam today, it was reasonable. Now, on the other hand, I refuse to let you of as you do have an exam of quintic formula tomorrow.” He ignored the way his heart rate quickened as he saw your eyes light up, beaming. This was utterly unfair for the archons to let such a handsome cute being to exist. You nodded quickly, feeling relieved Alhaitham wasn’t angry. You could not totally handle today’s lessons with him. —

You take that back. You couldn’t. He was more strict today than usual, berating you on mistakes he’d usually ignore. Your brain was pounding againt your skull as you reviewed the lesson for the umpteenth time. You could so do this. It was (not) fine. Alhaitham was explaning about how epsilon was the opposite of x in math, or maybe that was an hour ago. It all went over your head anyway. “Y/n? Are you listening?” Alhaitham demanded, frowning.

“Yes…yes…”

—

That was your latest lesson with Alhaitham, and it was three weeks ago. After that you had taken it upon yourself to study alone. You knew you were probably overreacting in this situation, but the pounding headaches from the extra assignments Alhaitham gave you and the lack of sleep to make way for his lessons were catching up on you, making your head pound with drowsiness every waking moment. It still does. Maybe it wasn’t Alhaitham himself, really. Maybe all this was your reaction to the being beside an unmatched genius all the time-pressuring you to be just as good at least, as if you could ever. You’d never have Academic validation in the eyes of the genius scribe. So what really was the point?

Your overthinking…overreacting…Why can’t you just be the perfect boy like Alhaitham?

Because your not smart. Your not gifted. Your not enough.

“Y/n. You’re no being of meager intellect, so don’t act like it.”

‘A being of meager intellect…huh?’

—

”Y/n avoiding you? They probably just can’t stand your personality.” Kaveh drawled, still focused on sketching out a project proposal for his client.

“I can’t believe I asked you.” Alhaitham sighed, looking down at the book on his lap. You didn’t hate him, did you? No, he made an effort to be kinder to you then most people. So what had he done wrong? Alhaitham mentally charted down everything he had done within the timespan- he pretended not to notice you stealing his lunch, he gave you cookies during the last-

So what mistake did he do? Why? What?

It was the first time in a many years the genius Alhaitham was confused, absolutely stumped.

—

“Y/n.”

“A-ah!?” You turned back to see Alhaitham with a deadpan serious expression, frowning, “Why are you avoiding me?” He demanded. “And don’t give me some bullshit excuse.”

Okay…Alhaitham just cursed. This was quite…bad. “I was…I was…” you stumbled over your words, wondering what to tell him. The truth? Definitely not. Absolutely not.

“Don’t lie to me. Please.”

That made your brain short circuit. Alhaitham pleading? Since when?

“…I-I it’s bit embarrassing but-I felt pressured because…because your so perfect and everything even though you have a bit of an asshole personality and I can never be like you!”

“…”

That rendered you both speechless, Alhaitham shocked and you just plain embarrassed. Your quiteeee the idiot, aren’t you? You blabbered your mouth now Alhaitham’s going to make fun of-

“Apologies if that bothered you in any way.” Alhaitham adverted his eyes, his gaze trailing across the floor, “…May I rephrase my offer? I-think that I have an idea to satisfy both of us.” That caught your attention as your eyes locked on his face. He had an expression you never expected to see from him. He was…nervous?

You remembered to speak.

“I-I uhm-the offer to be my tutor? But-uhm-I mean-er- sure.” You stumbled over your words as you cringed at yourself, why were you so jittery, really?

“I would like you to be my friend. I-will not lie I wish for more than that but-“ Alhaitham coughed into his hand, regaining his composure, “I hope you’ll let be build up from there. Please treat me like any other friend and come to me with any of your troubles, even those relating to me myself.” His voice was unusually stiff as he tried to hide his fear of your rejection, hoping you’d allow him this for now.

“I-sure! Sure! So-I’ll call you Haitham from now on!” You offered awkwardly, you were not at all dejected about this outcome- in fact, you were joyful! The only thing bothering you was the feeling of uncertainty of having Alhaitham as your friend, and maaybe that little comment about ‘wanting more than that.’

But your first worry was your math quiz in a few minutes. Oh. Right. You were on the way to class, weren’t you?

-Another thing bothering you then- You don’t have a tutor anymore. So lets see your grades.

“Y/n? Why do you look panicked?”

—

Alhaitham was by no means a morally green person. He hardly bat an eye to the troubles of the people on the street on his way home. His usual schedule was to get his work done then get home, no exceptions unless you or his friends asked. But you changed everything. Now he’s willing to try to be morally green- to be worthy of your attention.

Maybe your his tutor now. He doesn’t have a problem with that.

An: This was longer than I expected! Kinda crappy tbh I didn’t put much thought into the story because OH CRAP QUARTER TESTS ARE COMING! Hope you liked it even a bit 🤭 EDIT: Yeah...I reread it the plot makes not much sense sorrry promise the next post will be better 😭😭😭

[oldsargasso]

pit babe movie stream of consciousness

staying up very very late to watch a movie recut of a show I've already seen several times…what a time to be alive.

Dean cleaning the helmet for sooo long kills me every time

forgot Babe blatantly hitting on Charlie immediarely like okay buddy. the first thing I notice about a stalker is how hot they are as well.

anybody else incredibly distracted by babe's tits in that tight white shirt

what DO they call you babe btw

my soul would genuinely leave my body trying to watch this in a cinema full of other people. I'm here clutching my chest and making squeaky noises how do people watch things normally

I'm genuinely insane over this like!!! the way charlie is kissing him the way babe is touching charlie's face. they were gone IMMEDIATELY. worth the price of admission for this extended scene tbh

forgot how insanely delightful everyone's faces are in the bar scene where Babe brings Charlie along for the first time

I love winner so muchhhhhh

the car winner uses for the drag racing is hot tbh the tyres??

the EYE CONTACT the SONG they are IN LOVE five minutes after meeting each other it's honestly wild

god this scene with the rosy dawn light coming in I CAN.NOT. it's so gorgeous. GIVE US THE LONGER SCENE YOU WOACRDS (<- not fixing this typo I love it)

dean's in his crime hoodie

I never noticed jeff's litle smile in thisd scene before! he knows he can do it!!

insaaaane watching this scene knowing charlie already knows all of it.

the little "well, I also want something from you" exchange is sooooo.

it doesn't have quite the same emotional weight coming so soon but goddd their first kiss still has me clutching at my heart. SO SOFT AND ALSO TENDER!!!!

babe's delicate soft curtains are p[erfect

tony's bonsai time is so deserving of being included regardless of plot-relevance of the conversation happenning

the fact that in this cut we see Kenta first in babe's flashback holding him to get hurt and then now as Tony's proper assistant sure is something

Alan the strongest man alive I would give Dean everything he wanted the moment he asked nicely HE DESERVES IT

"you're a promising young racer" so he HAS been racing already just not anything major

everyone's squeaky shoes on the garage floor is killing meeeee I've never noticed that before

PETE!!! is his suit not fitted correctly

bitchy way my beloved. the peanut gallery just like :D the whole time lmao

godddd the fact that charlie is the only one jeff lets close for so long 😭😭😭

"meditate" is that what the kids call it these days

I never noticed dean all in black for this race

I adore how the only time Kim looks pleased is right before they finish and he knows he beat babe for real

Winner is soooo delightful how can anyone hate him. so pathetic. so terrible.

babe being so overcome by charlie's steady belief in him…if anyoen needs me I'll be on the floor.

tony's pinstripe suit IMPECCABLE

charlie must be the fastest runner around

oh thank god they left the kim confronting winner scene in IT'S PERFECT (second only to the cigarette scene but alas)

jeff, way and dean all in x hunter gear during this scene when they're all on different sides itches my brain like crazy

charlie walking in and blocking dean out….chef's kiss

the way Way is trying to be like "wow Charlie's LYING to you" and babe's just like "they're brothers yay"

they left in the sponge bath scene kill me babe's little smile DEATH

just realised what's missing where's l;actasoy

"I don't care" he said, caring deeply

babe gives up soooo easy truly the babygirl of all time

honestly understandable from dean in the long run I too would try and murder someone who waltzed in and took the job I was gunning for just because they were sleeping with someone. and then babe's just like "sorry dean you're just not good enough" like! murder. acceptable tbh.

they need to put little nametags hovering over the cars in this scene for idiots like me who can't understand anything because all cars look the same

way in his sunnies god he's SOOOO pretty and soooo unimpressed by everything that is happening in front of him

the subtitle's translating phi as brother like. hm.

this scene under the stars is the prettiest scene ever. the headlights, the fog… gorgeous. THEY ARE IN LOVE BTW

COWARDS GIVE US THE MAMA/PAPA ROLEPLAY BEGINNINGS

way hates everything so much I love it

honestly insane of babe to light his cigarette off way's like NO WONDER way's in love with him

god this scene is exruciating. babe knowing and ignoring so they can stay best friends. way just hoping the whole time.

way's breakdown in the car deservedly included SO PRETTY

honestly wild that kim and babe are like half a room away and tony and co don't notice. there's a SHEER CURTAIN in between and then babe yells at charlie lmao

charlie giving babe the glass of water is such a great note in this scene

the fact that this is the first time they're mentioning babe's sense disapearing is hilarious tbh this movie cut is really for people who watched the show

locker room scene in the flashback my beloved

they dropped the child plotline but still kept the enigma mention in lmao AND THE "can mama not break up with papa" incredible

this is my favourite scene I think the HUG "you have to make up for it for the rest of your life" that's marriage actually

bloodied kim on his knees LOOKING RESPECTFULLY 👀👀👀

HOW is tony's security so bad. jeff is RIGHT THERE

Pete buying all the kids to save them 🥺 the only rich man who should be allowed to live

who's phone IS jeff using. I say kenta's

Pete immediately punching babe back is my favourite thing actually

Pete's casual "btw I am the most powerful guy around" and we don't even know he can read minds yet

Way bluescreening as Babe reveals Pete's an enigma. nut is SUCH a good actor

'Charlie ❤️' leave me here to die actually

it's the way Way is so CALM about it it's skin-crawling

at all times I am wondering why Tony values babe's powers over Way's. he can MIND CONTROL PEOPLE

it's midnight and there's still an hour to go. I could pause and continue tomorrow but no. we are committed.

way getting slapped and bent over the table is just for me actually 👀

Winner's smug face!!! that's my boy

jeff's lucky he established himself as very stoic because his reaction is like "oh well. I guess he died. 🫤"

wait I]m not emotionally capable of watching babe go trhough this

honestly pit babe having such a raw real depiction of grief is. I'm constantly thinking about it.

not enough Kenta in this cut but thankfully they left in him getting slapped until there's blood in his mouth. best scene.

way getting tossed around 👀 I am watching very respectfully

aww we didn't get the kim getting not rescued scene. this movie cut isn't great for north and sonic enjoyers (everyone)

pete's sweaters look so soft

babe appealing to kenta using their shared history my HEART

kenta! on! his! knees! kenta begging…. I will never be normal about this

imagine giving winner responsibilities 💀

pete dressing down by wearing a hoodie zipped alllll the way up

they really went "eh people will get the gist" when cutting these scenes lol. dean just straight up disappeared.

alan just leaving the kids behind I cannot get over that like WHAT are you doing

actually this would've been amazing in the show too if this was the first we saw of charlie after he died. this reunion lives in my mind forever the way babe's voice goes all wavery as he says charlie's name "when you weren't here, I wasn't happy at all" GOD. charlie starting to understand that he is important to babe because of WHO he is

they gave pete a chair but not way lol

I know its not the point but jeff's pants are like. perfect.

I hope winner is exactly the same in season 2 he's perfect 😌

I know that scene's not in this cut but what's the point of pete being so good with a bow and arrow if he can't also use a gun just as well. like one's a little more practical these days

KNIFE🔪 TIME 🔪 it's the best. that single tear… kill me as well actually

the fact that none of them even tried to crawl over to way while tony was monologuing they didn't even TRY

I forgive every flaw when babe cries so well and way is so pretty even dying

(god I'm so hungry but it's like 1am)

charlie kissing babe's stomach and babe calling him "dad" that's because babe's pregnant actually 🤠

LOCKERROOM SCENE AS THE POST CREDITS SCENE genius. give them an oscar right now.

final verdict: no regrets definitely worth ~$20 and staying up late for no reason

[chanstopher]

so I’ve hit the big one. Thank you for 10k followers, that’s literally so insane I really don't deserve this. I made this blog a little over two years ago, and it’s been so much fun to make so many new friends on here! So I have a few things lined up as a thank you, so this is gonna get long. 

I’m opening my requests and making a game out of it, so send me an emoji and get a set/gfx:

🖤 + make me choose between two members, music videos, ships, eras, etc. for a gifset 🐺 + a color palette along with a member, music video, or era for a gfx 🫧 + a member for a comp set. you can give me a vibe, era, hair color etc. too 🌙 + a member and era or award show for stage gifs

I’m being a bit presumptuous and assume I’ll be getting a few so please be patient with me getting them all out, I don’t want to rush anything I want to make sure  I give you my best effort hehe. I’ll try to post 2-3 a day. This will be open for one week from tomorrow, January 27th (since its already late) so feel free to take your time and pick something you want. I’ll keep making them until they’re all done though! All posts here

Thanks and a gift under the cut 🖤🤍✨

Second I just want to thank all of the people who have interacted with me over the past two years, whether we're best friends or you just sent me an anon, I truly appreciate you. I don't wanna start listing out mutuals or followers because that would inevitably leave someone out, and there are so many people I've never even spoken to; but recognize urls from my notifications, that are dear to me. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep making content, especially art. This blog is the reason I truly got back into drawing and have tried really hard to improve over the past two years. Without you guys, I'd still be drawing flat faces and not blending anything 😭 You have no idea what your small encouragements have meant to me when I've been stressed or struggling with a drawing. And I'm just thankful to feel like I'm accepted tbh. Having ppl call me by my name in tags, even if we've never talked - especially if we've never talked - it makes me feel like really comfortable and loved? That's corny, but I can't think of a better word. I also just want to say thank you for letting me love Chris so loudly, he is really my greatest comfort; and being able to just express that in whatever way my unhinged brain thinks has been so fun and just so nice. There are a billion blogs on this site and you choosing to come here and stay here is truly a gift that idk how to pay back. I know this is just tumblr and it's not that serious, but it's the place I find comfort, so I'm thankful I've got you to share it with.

 okay okay, no more sap LASTLY i'm going to share a few psds of mine as a thank you. so feel free to download them and use them to your heart's content <3

[s-omething]

today is january 10 in 2023 and i thought i’d be happy by now.  that i’d feel at home and alive. turns out “home” just feels like some kind of extention of myself: if i’m good, it is good. if i’m not okay, it rots with me.  it isn’t filled with friends, laughs, cries, conversations, connections. no one comes, i sit in silence most of the time, looking at nothing. i have been distant, but at some point i make all efforts i could of reaching out and i guess my heart broke, i dont think friends want anything to do with me tbh.  i cant stop my mind racing on what i might have done wrong, i came up with too many answers without proof.  i thought i’d be less lonely, not more. i believed my dogs would be happier, now it just seems like i ruined their lives with my melancholy.  i buy the food i like but i still dont feel like eating it. i still drink myself to sleep sometimes, and sometimes drinking doesn’t do it either, the anxiety stays there, turns into anger.  i don’t have fun.  i am writing this today because i’m supposed to be learning to read my feelings, understand and accept them and work on communicating them, honestly it just feels like im getting it all wrong ‘cause i take too long to make it make sense and the answer is that im making drama out of small things.  i dont understand that, considering i soothe myself, do not show much emotion, control what comes out and swallow the most of it when i need to talk about it. i try to be practical and direct so they wont have a negative reaction or judgement out of it.  i think im bending to melancholic loneliness again and it’s terrifying. i have to be careful if i get sad because if it wins over me i might not get out of bed or eat or clean, work, pay bills, take my dogs for enough walks and just end up failing.  im not supposed to fail, im supposed to be happy, im home with my dogs and i am free.  am i cursed? why isnt it working? its already been 2 months, i was supposed to be okay. cooking isn’t fun anymore, i just drag myself to do it so i dont starve or get sick. while i cook i just resent myself in the fact that i will have to actually eat it later. it makes me anxious. i dont want to cook anymore.  turns out food will rot if you dont eat it, and i hate wasting food, it makes me anxious as well.  i made everything look the best i could, decorating as id like and now i absolutely hate it, to the point i avoid looking at details too long.  i have this urge to make things disappear if im not using them, it feels like too much, like they are not only standing there in the house, but standing inside my brain occupying space i don’t have. it doesn’t take too long, if i haven’t used something in a week, it starts to haunt me.  it’s been 6 hours. i finally had some bread, i had to, i could not open the bottle because of my weak ass hands.  i should cook real food, i know that, i can’t stop thinking about it.  there’s one meal left in the fridge and then im out, no meal. but i should have eaten it yesterday, its diner time today and i still couldn’t.  being honest here, i dont miss the way things were at all, i absolutely hated it and it was hell. i do miss my friends, i miss having people around, i miss having hope and plans. i daydreamed about what future would look like, now im in that future and everything is real but turns out im still me. maybe ill just never be okay.  it’s not that im not satisfied with my accomplishments, its not its just i got here, yay.. now what? i dont want anything, thinking of wanting something makes me anxious, i dont... want to want anything.  see, if i wanted all of this and i got it and im still a sad piece of shit, what’s the point? contini tastes like my 19th birthday. i drink it and feel the exact same feeling from that april 14th in 2018. i dont want anything from the future, i dont know how to accept help cause it honestly feels like torture, i love my friends but im certain i already lost them, i only listen to one song per day, repetely  thinking of changing into something else, listening to various songs or anything like that makes me want to rip out my skin on overwhelm. should i go back to anti depressants? i hate them, i hate being numb, i hate that they don’t make me happy or sad or angry or anything but empty. i absolutely will not do without orgams.  i kinda wish someone would beat me up so i could focus on something real and not stupid feelings that are just inside my brain yet having the power to paralyze me. i just need to cook some fucking food. maybe you can’t have friends correctly if you have depression, maybe i should just cook tomorrow. 

[aronarchy]

https://twitter.com/butchanarchy/status/1575245320413646850

Contrary to popular belief, experiencing childhood abuse DOES NOT make you more likely to be an abuser as an adult.

It does, however, make you more likely to be the victim of abuse as an adult.

Source on the first claim: Adults physically abused as children not more likely to physically abuse their children

Source on the second claim: People who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult

Okay so this is a dynamic I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, as someone who experienced childhood abuse and neglect and then proceeded to end up entrapped in multiple abusive relationships in adulthood, so I’ll share some of my thoughts about why I think this might be.

I spent a lot of time, and I know other survivors have too, with some intense anxieties like “am I drawing abusers to me?” “It must be something I’m doing wrong if it keeps happening.” “Maybe this is all I’m worth and that’s why no one wants to treat me well.” Etc.

Tbh, after essentially dedicating the last 3 years of my life to research on power and abuse, I, thankfully, have a much different perspective on why being a survivor seems to make you more vulnerable to being targeted repeatedly for abuse.

I think when you experience abuse at any time, but especially when you experience it throughout your childhood, it is a kind of social training. You learn that threat is everywhere, that there is little to nothing you can do to defend yourself, and that you must simply endure.

Regardless of your age, the abuser always lies the blame for the abuse at the feet of their victim. When you are a child, your abusers have total power over you, they literally teach you what to expect from the world and how you’re expected to act in it.

Your abusers, when you are a child, are also typically your primary attachment figures. You are actively learning what relationships are like from them. It is NOT safe to feel at odds with adults in your life, it is much easier to internalize their message. It’s survival.

So you learn as a child that you don’t get to have boundaries, that love means pain, that if people have a close enough relationship to you that means they are allowed to control you. You believe your abusers when they say your abuse is your fault.

You learn to accept that other people around you have a better interpretation of reality than you can ever come to. You learn to mistrust your senses, to see yourself taking up space and having needs as equivalent to being a burden.

And let’s not forget that this is all happening in the most impactful self-formation period in your entire life. Your literal brain and body is being shaped in this environment.

Abusers may or may not have been abused as children, it can go either way, but it’s not determined by that (as detailed above), but abuse is a learned behavior.

It’s a learned behavior in the class we all take in this abuse culture in one manner or another: we’re all taught who is vulnerable, who is most socially acceptable to mistreat, how to use someone’s vulnerability to gain power.

Abusers simply take a lot of the messages we are all taught about love, relationship, power, control to their logical conclusions. They’ve fully bought into the ideology of control, and they live that in their day to day lives.

I don’t think that there is anything particular about survivors that “draws” abusers to us. I think that abusers are playing power games all the time and what brings us more solidly into their line of sight is that we tend to be more materially and socially vulnerable people.

We tend to have less social supports and we also tend (this is all just personal reflection from experience btw) to have a lot less personal defenses online. The people responsible for teaching them to us in fact taught us that we were only worthy of being controlled.

I think it’s not that abusers are drawn specifically to us, but that they already have a mental map in place of how they treat people they’re in relationship with, already see them as worthy of control, and are putting out hooks pretty much constantly.

And we get hooked a little more easily, or at least I did, because we never even got the chance to learn that we have a right to our own autonomy and to respect from the people who claim to care for us. I personally feel like I was sent into the world emotionally defenseless.

Also I think the above conceptualization of how abusers act in social space also makes sense of why not being abused as a child still doesn’t save you from being abused in adulthood. Someone can literally just throw out a hook that gets you regardless of how boundaried you are.

[morg676]

Okay so. I'm going to type words about my feelings. I had Warren come with me to my doctors appointment bc I was angry with the dr ... She was scolding me for not taking my meds correctly, but I couldn't get them because she wouldn't fill it until I did my labs. So I did my labs, and it came back weird bc I didn't have my meds. So she messaged me like "what are you doing why aren't you taking your meds". Which I was. Wren and I have the same prescription for testosterone sooooo. Idk. I was taking it. I had missed a few doses bc depressive episode.

So we went together, and alexixsices comes in and immediately is like "so what's up with your little hiatus from your meds" and I'm already trying my best not to freak out, but I start shaking , of course. Ugh. I told her it was like two days. And that was because she wouldn't approve my meds. I actually asked a lot of questions , we tried to get over the miscommunications we've been having. I just felt so humiliated. My main goal tbh is to have my IUD removed. But my anxiety about it is Extreme. I told Alecsus that it's the fucking dysphoria and my distrust of people who hold power over me. Specifically doctors. She said "what's our trust level at scale of 1 - 10". She's so intense, she is always so sure of her words ... I said eeeeeee and she said "3? 2? 1.5?" Without letting me think, and so I gave her a 2. I need to get my IUD out it's causing me Problems, copper iud havers sound offff :(((( but I hate that b word sooooo much.

Robins been using specific BPD language with ne. Which in some cases is helpful but most of the time it just feels othering. I do split on people tho. That's what it's called right?? Whatever the point is , Ive been. Trying to accept that I'm just gonna hate some people. I don't have to like everyone. That doesn't mean I should be mean to them, but I can opt out. Sometimes I split on them in my head,, I don't ever want them to feel that rage from me. I split on this dr, becayse she froze some warts off my hands, she said "ok listen this will hurt" and I was very brave and it hurts like Bitch but I did it, and she said ok it good to go, the skin should just slough off in a few days , and I was like uhhhh ((guy who doesn't know what slough means)) okay. SO MY FINGERS HAVE BLISTERS THE SIZE OF G R A P E S on them and I literally can't do work. My point is that I feel like she didn't appropriately educate me on what the process was, what was going to happen to my body, and how to take care of it. WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF A DOCTOR IS IT FUCKINGGGG NOT???? But also if someone hurts me I'm gonna be defensive bc I have a rodent brain . so she's been on my shit list, but orange is very persistent and encouraged me to keep seeing her, bc I hadn't had a GP in. Like. Lmao probably 20 years. So it's been incredibly difficult to try and trust her , ESPECIALLY trust her to get up in my vagina and cause me more pain.

I hate having such basic survival instincts kick in when she talks to me. There's just that shame and misunderstanding of Cis to Tranz communication. Esp since she's in a position of power over me. She said I just want you to not be in distress. And I laughed and said me too. She just comes across so fucking. Oblivious.

[scoops404]

ooo maybe longer fics?

In regards to this ask!

"i would love to hear more about your brainstorming process for creating a new fic / how you come up with so many great ideas and how that’s brought to life!"

Answer under cut:

Longer fics come about in several different ways, and usually the spark of the idea changes immensely from what I thought it was going to be versus what the final "product" ends up being. It very much helps the "fear of the blank page" if you accept upfront that the end product isn't going to be what you daydreamed about. I've learned that lesson. (AKA accept that you need to learn to love the journey more than the destination sometimes)

As far as what makes my brain go brrrrr that's gonna be a fic, it's different things. A big factor is if it's different and innovative or just strange enough that I feel like it hasn't been done *my way* before. I don't want to tell the same story someone else has already told. It's also a lot of time and energy to put into something, it needs to be able to hold me captive, let alone my interest. Hits Different is the best example of this -- i don't know what crack i was on but suddenly i had 100K+ written in like 2 months. That's insane for me. I had 8K writing days and 10K+ writing days. That's so so rare for me. And mind you, I did this with a 40 hours a week daytime job. I don't even remember the spark of the idea for Hits Different except that their parents got married and then they wound up in the same dorm room -- all the other stuff came after that.

I jsut went back to look for any tweets about HD:

Aug 13, 2023: "So you know how I can't write anything normal? What if I told you I just wrote 2k of college au step-brothers/ enemies-to-lovers with football player Dream. Would anyone want that? They're currently discussing safewords to fight each other"

Oh, so I guess it started as a college AU and Dream was a football player before the other stuff got added. This is before the weird BDSM part got introduced lol.

For Anagnorisis, the spark was "what if George was pregnant and didn't know it until he was in labor?" aka I didn't know i was pregnant AU -> which morphed into thinking, okay, why wouldn't he know? What would cause the most drama about that? and them sleeping together but not *being* together was the answer lol. I kinda live blogged the beginning thought process for that fic, including the first scene i wrote.

For Just One Touch, it started as the f/m/m to m/m DNF threesome fic because I love Midas Touch (RIP) so much and wanted to explore that dynamic myself. And then it was going to be VERY internalized homophobic based at the end and Alison wrangled me and it turned more demi-sexual exploration of George trying to figure out himself out. I wanted FWB and this is as close as I could get tbh haha.

For Shine Here To Us, it was a fic event in a discord where we spun a wheel with tropes we'd like to try and tropes we've done before and loved and mpreg and hurt/comfort were my results (shockingly the mpreg was the trope I hadn't tried up to that point). I always had an idea of two people in the spotlight having a baby together for convenience and then it turning into more so that was the impetus for this fic. I just couldn't imagine Dream stating he wants to have a child and George not trying to bend over backwards to be the one to give that to him (but, you know, in a cool way where he doesn't look lame)

For Curse and Cure of the Internet, I had the idea of Dream as a fic writer accidentally writing fic about himself and George. I wrote like 5K of it and then put it aside because I figured it was too out there and people wouldn't really relate like other fic writers would -- but then I mentioned it to someone on twitter and then everyone dogpiled saying they want to see that and so i fleshed it out. It became obvious very early on that the universe needed OCs of fans for Dream to befriend and then I had a very fun time making them as different as possible from each other, but still Dream fans. And that fic was my love letter to fandom friends and fanfiction writing (before some of the disillusionment set in so im glad i got it out there then!). People still to this day ask about Right Hand Man, the fictional fic that Dream writes in this universe and that makes me so happy.

For Deep in the Dream of a Game, I was coming off of writing Curse and Cure and wanted to write something completely different. Jase (birbwatcher) was writing an MCC fic set with realistic virtual reality and that fic had an amazing start (it's unfinished, sadly) and it reminded me of "Check Chat," one of the fics where the players are transported into the game. I remember loving that concept and thinking it was perfect for what it was but i wanted more romance to it and i wanted to see more of them having to build a society and not so much about the killing the dragon part. And the idea could have faded back out, but then I wondered what would happen if they killed the dragon and it didn't work. What would they do then? How would they cope? Then I just had to write it

I've Never Fallen From Quite This High started as the idea of George's mom coming to Florida and announcing her divorce from George's father. i had an IRL friend's parents get divorced while she's an adult and listening to her talk about how weird it was sparked something in my brain. It's not ilke you'll have two bedrooms and split custody as a 26 year old, but it's still weird to see them separated. And that combined with Dream being able to befriend anybody made the idea grow legs. I wrote it off and on and then the scene with dream and kate at the diner and how funny their banter was convinced me to write the rest of it and see it through. This one also had the idea that George just feels too much and he's scared of it sometimes. I still see elements of that in him.

You guys kinda saw the beginning of "I Am Two Fools" as well -- Dizzy handed me some prompts and then my mind got away from me and i knew it wouldn't be a quick fic for me. The hard part of planning and plotting for this one was from the twist of changing POV from Dream in the first half to George in the second half. Once I figured out i needed to do that, everything kinda fell into place.

I suppose the moment a fic changes over from an idea to something i'm determined to write is like the first time i write a scene for it. if it feels right and interesting and i'm excited about it, then i'll just keep going. Talking about it with my friends and here on my blog helps a lot too. It's amazing what other people's excitement for your thing does to your own enthusiasm.

This is already so fucking long, but i'd love to talk about shorter fics too at some point because a lot of those pack a punch of world building. Circling back, the mushroom king and the nightmare, florida man dub. Fun stuff!! Thanks for the ask. let me know if there's something more specific you were looking for

[future-dregs]

Fanfiction "Would you rather?"

Questions taken from this video by @whimsquirksandstuff

I hope this is okay with like, etiquette and all that, but it looked like so much fun and I really wanted to do it with you guys.

Friends to lovers, or enemies to lovers? - Friends to lovers. Y'gotta like who you love, y'know? Having that bad former history really puts me off.

Be forced to watch a terrible movie adaptation of your favorite fanfic, or an amazing adaptation of your least favorite fanfic? - I would rather watch an amazing adaptation of something I didn't like, and maybe find something to enjoy in it, than watch something I loved be horribly adapted and have to deal with the frustration and disappointment of that. We get enough of that from Hollywood as it is.

Read fanfic chapters backwards, last to first, or read them as parsed from google translate? - Backwards. The ending gets spoiled and it's a little confusing, but it would basically be like a giant flashback, right? And I could just mentally rearrange them into their correct order. Using google translate would just end of being nonsensical and frustrating.

Consume every fanfic as an audiobook read by a monotone narrator, or have to read every fanfic on a tiny printed piece of paper written in yellow highlighter? - With my eyesight being as bad as it is, I'll have to go with the first one, even though I hate audio books for that very reason. If the narrator's voice isn't just right for my brain then I can't focus on it and absorb the story, and I end up getting annoyed very very quickly. HOWEVER. At least I would have the story, the yellow highlighter is just impossible.

Get a tattoo on your body of every fanfic title you read, or never read fanfic again? - I would really hate to never read fanfic again, there's so many stories I've read and loved that I want to be able to come back to again and again over the years and revisit that feeling. So tattoos it is! You could get creative with the font, size, and placement, so it wouldn't really be that bad. (Probably).

Vampire AU or Werewolf AU? - I don't really like either tbh. But if I have to choose, I'll go with the wolves. I like the pack mentality and their tank abilities.

Get sold to a boy band, or be stuck in a time loop with your love interest? - If there is anything I hate worse than a time loop I am hard pressed to remember it at this moment. So, boy band it is. I'll either end up parenting the shit out of them, or sugar baby my way into a acceptable way of living. Though I can't promise that I wouldn't be incredibly belligerent.

Kill your favorite character, or marry your least favorite character? - Well shit I guess I have to kill somebody because I don't think I could marry somebody like Endeavour, or Illumi, or Hisoka. So....unless I could kill my spouse immediately after marriage? Is that a loophole I could be allowed to exploit? If that's so then I'll go with marriage. But if not...I'm sorry my darlings...

Meet your love interest in a coffe shop AU or a college AU? - Coffee shop. I don't drink coffee, but going to college would make me miserable I'm pretty sure, and that would make me a terrible partner.

Have your fic history leaked, or never read another fanfic again? - Who is it getting leaked to? That's the real question here. But again, I would hate to never read fic again sooo....

Be able to read amazing fanfiction but it always has an mpreg plot twist, or only read bad fanfiction for the rest of your life? - .....if it's written well I guess I could learn to love Mpreg. I mean, you could do some cool trans stuff with it.

Gay ships or straight ships? - I do not care. Is the relationship good? Then okay. I just go where the love is, man.

Ship a rarepair with almost no content, or a pair with lots of content but almost all of it is cracky nightmare smut? - I already do the first one! It's a wasteland! ^_^

See your OTP shatter years after their happily ever after, or never have the happily ever after happen in the first place? - I would rather have the angst of "what if" and "maybe..." than see love be born and established and die. That's just far too depressing.

Read a poorly written but complete fanfic, or a literary masterpiece last updated June 2013? - I've got two or three absolute favorites that either haven't been updated in years, or that have just been straight up orphaned. So I'll just stay as I am with the beautiful, yet incomplete stories.

Read SSSS++++ tier smut with almost 11k words, or 70k words worth of fluff? -

SMUT. 11k of smut zips right along, but fluff, even good fluff can get cloying after awhile. Besides I rarely read anything over 7k anyways (attention span) so 11k isn't pushing it too much.

Read only alternate universe fanfics, or only canon fanfics? - I really don't read AUs to begin with. Just don't like em. I'd rather stay in universe.

Introduce fanfics to your normie friend with an ongoing smut fic with great writing, or a complete fluff fic with terrible writing? - I'm gonna go with the great writing. Why would I subject myself or my friend to a bad fic? The smut might make it kinda awkward, but that all depends who you're showing it to really. If you're gonna introduce someone to something, it's better to put the best foot forward. Even if that "foot" is in lace stockings.

Read your NOTP with all your favorite tropes and perfect characterization, or your OTP with tropes you despise and inconsistent characterization? - .....this isn't like...all the time, right? For every single fic you read? Okay. Then I'll try out my NOTP in situations I like. Maybe I'll be surprised, and either way, it's only once, right?

Read a fic with an interesting concept but very poor writing, or read a fic with an uninteresting concept with really good writing? - Again. The good writing. I've read a fic about SOFA SHOPPING, and it was great! The boring and mundane is beautiful in the right hands.

Have a major character death, or have a bed sharing scene but it's a ship you hate? - An fic instance of major character death is better than a hateful bedsharing.

Read a fanfic that has consistent grammar and spelling mistakes, or one that the characters are wildly different than canon? - If it's good, I can deal with spelling and grammar mistakes. In light of a good fic with good writing and characterization, it's not that big of a deal.

Every fanfic includes Jackson Wang, or every fanfic includes at least one NSFW moment? - NSFW. I don't know who Jackson Wang is, but even so, having every single fic, no matter how different or which fandom, have the same guy in it, like the Whilheim scream, that does not sound like a good time to me.

Read the most absolutely messed up dead dove with your most wholesome fic, or subject yourself to 100,000 words of your NOTP all written in a solid block with no punctuation and horrible grammar? - I don't think I've ever read a dead dove actually. But a solid block would be almost impossible to read in the first place, so I guess I'm eating the dove.

Have the power to read every fanfic in existence, or have the power to make any ship canon? -

Have your OTP get together in canon but one of them dies in a tragic way, or all members of your OTP survive but get together with other people? - I'm gonna be selfish. I don't wanna see them get with somebody else! That sucks!

Read a cringy 70 chapter Harry Styles mafia AU, or a highschool Kpop AU y/n fic horrible grammar? - Well since it doesn't specify I'm going to assume that the y/n fic is only 2-3k words and thus, easy to whip through, so I'll take that over a cringy enormously long slough.

Accidentally send your boss a super detailed smut fic, or read a super detailed smut fic about your boss? - Gimme the fic. I'll read it. I may not or may not be able to look at my employer in the eye ever again (don't think about it don't think about it do NOT picture them naked...dammit!!) but least my preferences are still private, my own, and I still have my job.

Read smut fanfic aloud to your parents, or submit fanfic to the employer of your dream job? - Goodbye dream job, it was nice to know you. And who knows, it's not great, but it doesn't necessarily mean I'll get fired. But even if it does, at least I'll have a home to go to.

Pine after an oblivious love interest, or be the oblivious love interest being pined after? - I'm already oblivious and I'm sick of having my feelings being unreturned, I'll take option number two please.

Hanahaki disease, or your soulmates first words to you tattooed on your body (and they're really stupid)? - Tattoos. I don't like hanahaki disease, "Love me or I'll die" is a pretty harsh ultimatum, I would always be wondering just how genuine it really was. If you like it then that's all fine and good, but I'll take a stupid phrase any day. I can always put it somewhere secretive.

Be an Alpha, Beta, or Omega in omegaverse? - A/B/O is...not my bag. BUT. Given my extremely limited knowledge of it, I'd want to be an Alpha. Is that what I would be? Who knows, probably knot. But if it's my choice? Alpha.

Read a fanfic where the characters turn into furries, or a fanfic where the characters all get pregnant? - Again, limited knowledge. But furries. Everyone getting pregnant sounds like an absolute nightmare, really don't like pregnancy fic. It's so awkward.

Be able to resurrect dead fics, or have the power to create of plethora of new fics effortlessly? - Meaning that I'll finally be able to finish all my WIPs? Hell yeah bring it on baby! Choice number two.

**********

Well, that's it, those are the questions. I know it's kinda a lot, so if you don't want to, it's okay, but I had a really fun time with this, and I hope you do too and I'm excited to see your answers ^_^

Tagging: @liveandletrain @radellama @bipolarhawkeyepierce @thotful-opinions4u @a-sleepy-gnocchi @moodyvoid @nitghowl1600 @grelleswife @deadly-safety-scissors @ghostofthemotif @apanictt @oceanicegg @candymuse @eijunst

No worries if you don't wanna do it, and I hope you guys have a great week coming up! ♥️

[shinsorokiri]

S/O Loses Memory and Quirk

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions of stab wounds and blood, a panic attack, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, sad bois

A/N: So I had two requests that mentioned these three with this concept and I just finished all of them and I’m so proud that I wanted to post these ones before the other two for Denki and All Might were finished but I’ll get those out as soon as possible. I cried writing Bakugou’s, so... there’s that HAHA please enjoy!

Here’s the first one with Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi!

Todoroki Shouto | Shouto

Shouto knows you’re a strong woman and that he doesn’t need to constantly be there to protect you

But he does prefer to be there if something bad is happening 

The only problem is that you two went to two different agencies after graduating 

And in doing so were on opposite sides of the city

Now he always knew when something was happening on your hero route because I mean

He actually needs to in case something bad happens since it’s his JOB

But he also just really wants to be there for you if you really need it

There hasn’t been a time like that, though

So imagine his utter shock and genuine fear when that time came

He was told to go to where you were patrolling because you’d been attacked and wound up in the hospital 

You know the scene with the flame tear? Yeah that but times ten

He goes on patrol like a good little hero

But boy oh BOY did he just want to go to the hospital

You’d never lost a fight before

Not even against him

Your quirk was literally the most powerful quirk he’s ever seen and I mean like, yeah, sure, he might be biased but STILL you were really powerful

So what kind of villain could hurt you so bad you had to go to the hospital???

Luckily, he only had an hour left of patrolling 

And as soon as that hour was up

Mans bolted

He was OFF

He ran into that hospital 

And he politely asked where your room was

Because although he’s PANICKING he still is a little socially awkward sweetie and he doesn’t wanna be a dick to anyone and be labeled similar to his father no no NO

But as soon as he got the number he was sprinting man

He was so worried

All patrol he was quieter than usual

And he was ridiculously anxious the whole time

His palms were sweaty

He felt like he could throw up at any second

And right now

He thought his heart was about to beat out of his chest

He carefully opens the door

You might be sleeping, he has to be considerate

And sure enough he sees your unconscious form laying in a hospital bed

It looked like you had some broken bones, and multiple bruises and cuts which means someone must have beat the shit out of you

Lovely

That’s what he needed to see

Definitely 

Mans doesn’t show emotion that much

But when it comes to you and since it was just you and him in the room

He broke down crying

He couldn’t help it

He grabbed your hand

And just sat there crying

Poor guy can’t lose you

You were the best thing that ever happened to him 🥺

You showed him that it was okay to feel things and express those things and let people in

He let you in and he couldn’t let you go now

He was a genuine mess for the next couple of weeks

Because you weren’t waking up

He went against what Midoriya said and asked around about what happened to you

And what he heard was horrific

Apparently the villain snuck up on you

And hit you in a few different places

And then you fell down

And then you couldn’t access your quirk

And that’s why you were in the hospital 

He didn’t want to think about the part that happened after you were virtually defenseless

Around his friends he was spacier than usual

He wasn’t really retaining information

And his agency let him take more days off than usual because they knew he was Going Through It

And luckily on one of those days you woke up

He was next to you as per usual 

Holding your hand

Playing with your fingers like he always does when he gets anxious

He missed being able to do that in social situations 

Or when you two were cuddling at night and he was thinking about something that was stressing him out and he would start to fiddle with your hand and you would ask him what’s wrong

He missed you

So when he felt your hand start to move by itself

He basically gave himself whiplash with how fast he looked from your hand to your face

Sure enough

Your eyes were open

And you were looking at him

“(Y/n)…”

He whispered your name as not to scare you

You could have a concussion or mild amnesia

He has already considered everything that could be wrong with you

Because he overthinks a lot

And he was nervous about this

And there was one thing he had in the back of his mind

That would probably be the worst case scenario

And much to his fears

That was confirmed to be what was going on almost immediately

“Todoroki?”

He just stares for a moment

You hadn’t called him Todoroki since… well, a long time now

Probably back in your UA days

The two of you began dating in your second year though so

It’s been a while

“You look… older..?”

He clears his throat

Nodding

“Yes. Well… I am 20 years old now. I would hope I look older.”

“Wait, what?”

Oh shit.

He just confused you. 

Damnit, Shouto. 

“Uhh… well, um. You see…”

“Todoroki what is going on? And why are you holding my hand like that?”

He freezes

He was still playing with your fingers

And it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to

You were just genuinely confused

He knew that

“Before I say anything else that could be detrimental to your mental health, maybe you should ring your nurse.”

You do as he says

And the nurses and a doctor come rushing into your room

They do some evaluations

And sure enough

Your memory has been completely wiped

As has the access to the portion of your brain that allows you to control your quirk

The doctor explains to Todoroki that he’s unsure of how this happened

Bu Todoroki knows it has to be that villain

Whatever that villain did did this to you

And Todoroki isn’t one to show emotions

But boy oh BOY was he riled up right now

He lowkey accidentally caught something on fire

And then to fix it lowkey on purpose just turned it into a block of ice

Even though Endeavor is the worst man on the planet

Mans is persistent on shit that’s for sure

And that’s like

The only trait Shouto got from that literal dumpster fire of a father

And he wasn’t about to let the piece of shit that hurt you get away with it

Of course, when it comes to you as a person he’s very patient

Very understanding

Respects boundaries 

But he will not REST

Until the motherfucker who did this to you gets caught by him

And he will find them.

Bakugou Katsuki | DynaMight

OH BOY HERE WE GO

So Bakugou was already very protective over you

I mean that’s expected though

It’s

It’s literally Bakugou

So mans has tabs on you at all times

You don’t know how he does it tbh

He jokes

Yes, Bakugou can joke

He jokes about having a sixth sense when it comes to you

He just gets this feeling about you

If you’re sad? He knows

Happy? He knows

In danger? MANS KNOWS

And I guess he also has a GPS built into his brain???

He just

He knows

Probably because he cares extremely deeply about you

Like really fucking deeply

You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

Ever since high school

First day

When you weren’t intimidated by him

There was just something special about you

And even though it took until after graduation and you almost DYING on a mission for him to finally accept that he can FEEL THINGS

He officially asked you to be his girlfriend

I say officially because, well

Y’all have basically been dating since like 

Second year of high school

Even though it wasn’t official

It was obvious

He was whipped

He still is

He’s known you for five years

You’ve been officially dating for two of those years

You were unofficially dating for four

You were the most important thing in his life

You even surpassed becoming the number one hero somehow

Though he will NEVER admit that

EVER

It took him a while to realize it 

But the thought of living without you?

Scared him more than any villain ever could

And that is why

Mans is all dressed up

Lookin nice

Took a day off of patrol at his agency because tonight is a special night

Of course, you don’t know anything

As it should be

He didn’t tell a soul that he was planning on proposing tonight

Okay… maybe that is a lie

He told Kirishima when he got blackout drunk with the boys one night

Long story, don’t ask how it happened, even the boys don’t know

And Kirishima then proceeded to tell everyone of his other friends 

So they all knew

But they also all knew to keep it a FUCKING SECRET unless they wanted blown up

But boy oh boy they were excited to see the pictures and the ring and the everything

But I digress

Bakugou is in the house the two of you purchased a while back

It was very much off the damn grid

For ~safety~ 

And he’s very much just messing with how he looks

He has to look perfect because he knows you’re about to 

And he can’t be proposing to you unless he’s on your level

When suddenly

He gets a

Feeling

But it isn’t the warm feeling he gets when you’re happy

Or the doopy one he gets when you’re sad

Or the wave of exhaustion he feels when you’re tired

Or the tingly feeling he gets when you’re mad

No

It’s the feeling where his spine tenses

And his blood goes cold

And his heart drops to the floor

The one he only felt one other time

The time you almost died

He was out of that house so fast

He didn’t even care if he looked all nice

You were in danger

He blasted his way through the city

Saying he was frantic is an understatement

He was FERAL

He got to where you were just in time to see you get slammed into the concrete by some piece of shit villain

You were unconscious

And you weren’t moving

He saw red

He didn’t even remember blasting over to the villain and punching them in the face

But he did that

And he did it HARD

Of course the villain was like OH FUCK

THIS IS THE NUMBER TWO HERO

I DIDN’T THINK HE’D ACTUALLY GET HERE THIS FAST

Because obviously the villain knew who you were

That’s why you were targeted 

Breaking Bakugou’s spirit is needed if villains want to become more fearful and powerful

The villain starts sprinting away

And before Bakugou can catch them

He hears an ambulance siren

He suddenly forgets all about the villain because he whips around to see you getting loaded onto a gurney

Paramedics are doing everything they can to keep you alive at this point

He’s horrified to say the least

You’re the love of his life

The last time he saw you like this is when he accepted it

Seeing you like this again just makes him realize it even deeper somehow

He runs to the ambulance

But the paramedics tell him he needs to go to the hospital separately because you’re badly injured and they need to perform some procedures on the way to the hospital to keep you alive

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his eyes start to sting

He wants to tell the paramedics to fuck off

Don’t they realize this is supposed to be one of the best days of yours and his lives?

But he can’t 

Because before he can

They’re gone

He chases after you though

He needs to be by your side right now

He needs to know that you will be okay

He needs you to be okay

So imagine how nerve-wracking it is for him to learn that you were in surgery

He waited in the waiting room all day long

This incident happened around one in the afternoon

and it was now one in the morning

He was just sitting in the hospital waiting room

Looking down at the little box in his hand

Crying

Which is a sight for anyone who sees him

The ring he bought for you is the only thing he can focus on

He doesn’t even notice the non-stop buzzing in his pocket coming from his and your friends wondering if the two of you are okay because the footage of the fight cut out right before Bakugou punched the villain

They all thought you were both hurt pretty badly

I mean after your quirk was seemingly taken from you…

The only thing that snaps him out of his trance

Is when the doctor comes out and says his name

His head snaps up so fast

He approaches the doctor just as fast

He knows he should expect the worst

But he can’t help but keep repeating that you’re okay

That everything will be fine because you are okay

They fixed you up

You’ll come home all happy

He’ll propose to you in the living room at this point

Today will be fixed

Instead

He hears that although you’re stable

You have what appears to be brain damage

“What kind of fucking brain damage?”

“She has severe amnesia which means that-”

“How severe?”

“Well… according to her brain scan and the fact that she said the year was two and a half years ago, I’m afraid it’s significantly severe.”

Two and a half years

Two and a half years?!

He just stares at the doctor

If you think it’s two and a half years ago

That means he hasn’t asked you out yet

That means in your mind

You’re still in high school

About to graduate

This cannot be happening

There is not way this is happening

“Can I see her?”

His voice sounds foreign to him

The doctor nods

Leading him to your room

He puts the ring back in his pocket out of instinct

And when he enters your room

He wants nothing more than for you to yell something like PSYCH

GOT YOU BLASTY BITCH

HAHAHA

But he’s just met with a your mouth opening wide and eye getting big

“Bakugou?! You’re so dressed up!”

Bakugou

Why didn’t he let you call him Katsuki sooner

Why didn’t he ask you out before two years ago

Why wasn’t he there to save you

“W-Woah… Bakugou, you don’t have to cry this isn’t my first hospital stay… wait, when did you get an undercut?”

He just walks towards you

“You also look… older… is this seriously what you look like when you clean up?”

He watches as your expression falters for a moment

“Wait… are you like… going on a date or something?”

Good to know you still have feelings for him at least

He just nods

And you try to hide the disappointment on your face

“Oh… well, you better tell me all about it when we get back to the dorms.”

Your fake enthusiasm is killing him

What killing him even more though is that the doctors didn’t tell you what was going on

So he’ll tell you instead

“Actually,”

Damnit

His voice is wavering

This is new for him

He clears his throat

“I’m not… I’m not going on a date anymore. I had one but… things didn’t turn out as planned.”

“Oh?”

He almost smiles at the sudden mood shift you had

How can you still be perky like that sitting in a hospital bed

“Yeah… because, um. It was a date with you…”

“…Oh…?”

“You got hurt pretty bad, angel…”

He explains everything to you

Well 

As much as he can

And he also finds out about your quirk

And how it’s just

Gone

You have to stay in the hospital tonight for further testing tomorrow

And you insist that he goes home

But he says it isn’t home if you’re not there

He stays in the chair right next to your bed

Watching you as you sleep

He knows you believe him

He knows that you have feeling for him

But he’s broken, truly

Not only was he not your hero today

He didn’t save you

He doesn’t know if you’ll ever remember any of those years with him

Any of your firsts

And that makes him ache

He pulls out your ring again

And just looks at it

The only light in the room is the moonlight peaking in through the window

And in that moment

He swears to himself

And to you

That the villain who did this

Is going to pay

Kirishima Eijirou | Red Riot

Eijirou has always been your rock

Figuratively and literally

He’s there for you through everything

And I mean everything

The two of you have been next door neighbors since you were kids

And he literally always had a crush on you

Of course the feelings were mutual

But neither you nor shark boy knew that

Until y’all got to high school

And Bakugou was very

Annoyed

About the two of you pining for each other

Mina was beyond annoyed 

She went to middle school with you two

So when Bakugou finally just

Screamed at the two of you to just shut the fuck up with the flirting and date already

Mina deadass jumped out of her seat at lunch and screamed thank you at the top of her lungs

Of course the two of you were as red as his hair

Which, yes

You did help him pick out the exact shade and helped dye as well

His hands were stained red because he accidentally only bought one pair of gloves and it wouldn’t have been manly to make you help without gloves on

But I digress

The two of you started dating shortly after that

And when I tell you that you were the couple everyone would look at and be all “awwwww”

I MEAN IT

And y’all are just in high school

Granted, it’s your final year and the two of you are both interning and are already confirmed to become sidekicks and Fatgum’s Agency

So y’all do be a little mature

But still

You started dating freshman year

And you’re going strong still

Of course

And words cannot describe how relieved he is that the two of you are at the same agency

Because if anything ever went bad he would be there to save you

And you would be there to save him

But literally nothing could prepare him for what was about to happen to you

It was a normal patrol

The two of you were together

Talking about graduation next week

And how the two of you were excited to move out of the dorms and into the apartment you had picked

And how you would finally be able to adopt the little mutt that the two of you love from the shelter

When out of no where

A villain popped down off of a building

Right behind you

And did something weird to you

They hit you meticulously and in specific places

Before Kirishima could even process what was going on

You were on the ground

Of course

You raised an arm

Ready to fight and use your quirk

But nothing happened

You tried again

Nothing

You and Kirishima make eye contact and he can feel the fear radiating off of you

Now he was worried

Very worried

But you knew how to fight

And he was there, too

So this wouldn’t end too bad

UNTIL THERE WAS A FUCKING EXPLOSION IN THE BUILDING THE VILLAIN JUST POPPED OUT OF

You were already back on your feet

Ready to fight this motherfucker

“Go help the people inside, Red Riot. I can handle this one.”

“But-”

“GO!”

He goes

Reluctantly

But he does know you can hold your own

Even if that villain temporarily blocked your quirk

He hardens

Turning his headpiece into a filtering mask (a great addition he thought of so he could run into burning buildings while hardened to save people and not take damage to his lungs in the process)

And luckily

There were only three people inside

So he grabs them and runs out

Easy

And he’s expecting to be met with you handcuffing the bad guy

But instead

He’s met with you getting the life beat out of you

Literally

You’re on the ground

The villain pulled out swords while he was gone

And it was obvious you were down and weren’t gettingup

But the villain just wasn’t letting up

Kirishima’s legs work before his brain

He runs over to the villain and lands a punch to their face

Which causes them to stumble backwards

Before they throw the swords at a random citizen who is observing

He immediately runs to the citizen, deflecting the swords

But the villain ran off in the mean time

Like they disappeared without a trace

But honestly

Even if they were still there

Kirishima would have run to you regardless

He immediately kneels down

“(Y/n)?! (Y/n), can you hear me?!”

He ditched the hero names this time

You weren’t responding

You were out cold

He starts panicking

Like

Full on hyperventilating

You looked bad

You were pierced by the villains swords in your side

Blood was everywhere

Your breathing was shallow

Regardless of the genuine panic attack he was going through right now

He somehow managed to control his breathing so you wouldn’t bleed out on the ground

He needed to help you

He picks you up

Instantly starting to sprint to the ambulances beginning to pull up

As soon as the paramedics see the state you’re in they get you off of him

And speed off to the hospital

Kirishima is left alone 

Staring at his hands 

Which were dyed red with your blood

All he could see was your face laughing at him because he forgot to get two pairs of gloves the first time you helped him dye his hair

…He didn’t like red all that much right now

After what feels like hours

But was really like two minutes

Tamaki shows up

Because he heard there was something going on

And as soon as he sees Kirishima on the ground and sobbing

He knows something bad has happened to you

He quickly gets him out of there

And back to the agency

Where Kirishima accidentally sees a replay of the fight on television

And he sees that you were fighting the villain just fine

But they were so nimble and fast 

And all they did was hit the nape of your neck and then the side of your temple

And you collapsed

Tamaki turned the television off before the full fight was shown

But the damage was done

Kirishima was back on the ground

Tamaki tries to comfort him

But Kirishima is out of commission

“I couldn’t save her, Tamaki! I wasn’t there!”

“…C-Come on, Kirishima… w-we should… go to the hospital…”

Tamaki is trying so hard to get him to calm down 

But to no avail

So eventually he just drags him out and to his car

He speeds to the hospital

And Kirishima doesn’t even wait for the car to slow down to run inside

He has to wait to see you

Since you were punctured 

But he was willing to wait

And wait he did 

For four days

Of course after you were done with your surgery he was allowed in your room

But it was a matter of waiting for you to wake up

He was always with you

He only went home to shower

He slept at the hospital

He needed to be with you

So when you finally woke up

He cried tears of happiness for the first time in days

“(Y/n), thank god you’re awake.”

“Eiji? What happened…?”

“There was a villain attack and they knocked you out and-”

“Why don’t you look 15?”

“What?”

“You look… older… and your hair is longer.”

“…What? You were the one who encouraged me to grow it out…”

“I… I was?”

He stares at you for a moment

His happy tears turning into ones of fear

Before hitting the call nurse button and asking you a question

“(Y/n) what grade are we in?”

“We’re freshmen at UA High School.”

No. 

No, no, no, no, no

Before he could answer the doctor and nurses came in the room

They started asking you a bunch of questions

To which you answered the best you could

But it was obvious that you were convinced it was two years ago

The doctors took you off to do scans of your brain

This can’t be happening

You think it’s two years ago

Two years

So much has happened within those two years

The two of you have done so much

Just

Imagine how devastated he is when he hears your memory is just gone

And your quirk with it

You were a hero

Your quirk can’t be gone

“Eiji… please don’t cry, it’ll be okay.”

“I can’t help it, pebble. I wasn’t there to save you and now… now you don’t remember everything we’ve done. And… and your quirk… you’re the best hero I know, and now…”

“Eijirou, I promise you it will be okay. As long as you’ll be with me, like you always are, I will be fine.”

He doesn’t say anything

He just looks at his hand holding yours

At least you still remember he asked you to be his girlfriend

But he is deadset on finding the villain who did this to you

“I will get you out of this.”

“Ei…”

“I will fix this. I promise you. I will save you. I need to.”

[jiminrings]

hellooo can i request a drabble of uni!au art major tae and biochem major yn? also part one of the would you series is AMAZINGGG seriously i cant wait to read more!! <3

rich kid kim

pairing: taehyung x y/n

wordcount: 5k

glimpse: tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

notes: thank you for the request babes!! writing this made my heart melt and aND!!! thank you omg i’m glad you like would you :((

if you squint or if you’ve read insufferable, this is most probably taehyung and his y/n!!!

taehyung is personally more than willing to pay himself out of this project

oKAY LISTEN

he’s not the proudest knowing that he comes from a rich family and he’s the only kid and he’s never really struggled for much

everything was just given to him without any hesitations whatsoever

and yeah he admits that he can nEVER admit that his pampered and luxurious lifestyle since birth has shaped him to be this way and it’s hard to unlearn these types of things

things were too easy for him and thAt’s what made it hard

tae is the farthest thing from an outcast..,.,.,.,

.,.,. but that’s him in his usual rich boi bubble of elites wherever he goes because he’s surrounded by people like him

hoseok and jimin have got to be his closest friends but of course they pursued business degrees and everyone must’ve probably saw that coming

nobody, however, expected the kim taehyung to pursue a degree based rootly on passion and even major in it

yeah that’s right what are yOU looking at???

he’s an art student and yeah he’s taking this seriously ://

do yOU have a problem with that?? do you?? no what did you say?? step the fuck up ky-

spoiler alert: people do have a problem with that

taehyung could tell that his parents did a complete 180 when they learned through jimin’s noisy-ass mouth (not even through their own son) that he’s gonna be getting an art degree

his dad’s the one who’s most especially disappointed at him because well he’s the only child and uhhhh.,.,.,, so who’s gonna inherit the company now.,.,,,

tae normally feels selfish and this time, he felt like he was being rational rather than being selfish!! this is what he passionately wants!! pls god can i be selfish oNE more time

eventually his parents had no choice because as their son explained,, having an art degree won’t keep him away from the family business at all and he could even expand it!! he doesn’t need a degree!!! 

lmao he’s been putting the money he gets on the stock market ever since he was ten years old

and they had to accept it eventually because this is what HE wants and if this is the only thing that he wants... then might as well help him through it, right??

now this is another dilemma

taehyung’s applied at a regular university in which everyone’s blended together and no one really cares about who’s who

it’s not exclusive to people like him.

he submitted his requirements and his portfolios by himself!!

and he got accepted!!

he’s nOT SURE if it’s purely because of his skills and himself and not his parents’ money nor influence

whatever it is, he doesn’t want to know because if it ends up being the answer he doesn’t want?? lol he’d crawl into a hole and mope for a week and would be doomed to wear three-piece suits for the rest of his life 

so anyways

yeah..,, this is one of the handful of times that taehyung is completely willing to pay himself out 

this project was supposed to be easy enough as what the professor said but uH he’d like to passive-aggressively decline pls and thank you

their final project was to make a portrait

right?? easy!!

a portrait of sOMEONE IN CAMPUS,,, regardless if you know them or not

(( well of course you’d get to know them by the end because yea they’re required to show proof that they indeed met and the model did agree to be painted ))

and by the end of the project, it’s either they keep it to themselves or give it to the model!!

that should be easy, right??

...

....

...... pls say right

oh my god tae should probably drop out now so he doesn’t get to do this

rich people don’t necessarily have to be educated, right???? maybe he’ll just settle into being a himbo 

he learned about the meaning of the word through urban dictionary that he tHEN only learned about like six months ago and now he gets so many things

taehyung’s not intimidated by the workload of it all -- in fact, he’s even excited about it because it helps him relax!!

what he’s intimidated about is the fact that he’s kim taehyung and there are only two possible options

either his model would be someone who knows him and would be taking every possible step to ensure that they climb the social ladder through him and they’re not even gonna be dISCREET about it

OR

his model wouldn’t completely care about who he is and in the process belittles him upfront and tbh his hart wouldn’t be able to take that and he’s probably wipe his tears away with dollar bills

there is almost no in-between, that one he’s sure of

so why are you like this?

why are you neither of the two and why are you sO kind and go against his expectations????

do you have an ulterior motive or something????

you who’s a biochem major and is actually another building away from his own

you who’s made the initiative that you become hIS model

you who actually oFFERED and almost begged to be a part of a project that would only be for tae’s benefit

... aha

that’s about -5 points from being a cool laid-back nonchalant gal

+10 for looking like someone who’s had a massively obsessive crush on him since day one and looking like you’d lay his life for him

no but lmao actually you just learned about taehyung in a magazine

you were bored at the dentist’s and scrolled through every possible outlet in your phone and it didn’t satiate you anymore!!! so how about reading a good ol’ magazine :D

then came taehyung

it was a whole issue dedicated to him and you were probably too dedicated into reading it that this time it was you telling the dentist to wait lol

that’s as far as you knew about him

and then you learned just some weeks ago that taehyung happens to study where you also study at and that was.,., inch resting

you never really saw him before around campus because it was too big and well maybe if you put in the effort, you’d actually find him

maybe you had a tiny lil admiration for kim taehyung just from one whole issue alone you read at the dentist’s or whatever

you’ve only known about this final project situation through changbin!!!

changbin, your neighbor at the apartment next to you, who’d crash over whenever his wifi feels the tiniest bit slow

yes you did spend a little more money to upgrade your internet situation (most times it’s the router who makes all the difference) because you were so tIRED of having things slow in the middle of researching for your projects in biochem)

no you will nOT have that <3

and of course changbin’s not having your that shitty wifi either so he pushed you to get that in the first place so he can use it too lmao

he’s told you just a couple of days ago about his final project and that maybe, just maybe, he’d make it into a move for this girl that he likes

nothing’s more romantic than pleading for someone to paint ur face right

and your grade and the decision to whether you’re gonna pass or flunk and graduate or retake are relying on you mostly

and in changbin’s case it’s also hIS heart on the line so yeah no pressure at all luv

“i kinda feel bad for rich kid kim, y’know?”

“what about taehyung???”

“eW do you have a crush on him??”

“addressing someone by their name equals to a crush??????”

your banters never stop because you’re as quick-witted as him and he both loves and hates it

he loves that omg someone can keep up with him and that way he gets challenged to always have the last say!!

he hates that oh god why is he friends with someone who reminds him of himself so much how is hE gonna deal with that??

sometimes he’ll purposely argue with you to fEEL something lmao

but there’s just something here that tells him you’re a little more interested now in this flow of conversation ever since rich kid kim was mentioned

“hm, nothing. i’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a model yet.”

he dodges you in the kitchen to look for peanut butter in your cupboard and oddly... you’re not berating him for decreasing your groceries....?

what does changbin mean by that? whAt model?? model as in taehyung doesn’t have the newest model of whatever car he wants? or maybe he has a model girlfriend and-

hold on wait wHAT

taehyung has a-

“m-model?”

he looks at you weirdly but you don’t even bat an eye when he gets ahold of your marshmallow spread so that he could make another one of his s’mores sandwiches

“uhhhh model as in he doesn’t have someone to paint for our project??”

is that what you wanted to hear or,.,

you and changbin share one (1) brain cell and it SHOWS

the two of you have to open your mouths, then close, then ponder, and then do that aGAIN until the both of you could finally grasp if you were in the same page

“oh cool!! i’ll be his model then!”

“yeah but did he ask”

“it’s gonna be easy!! i’ll just tag along with you to your building”

“yeah but did he aSK”

“we’re probably gonna hit it off instantly and then you’ll have to leech off from someone else for their wifi and food and every other necessity that you already have-”

“yeah but dID HE ASK????”

long-story short: no. taehyung most certainly did not ask you to be his model.

but here you are

saying that you came a long way is a bit of a stretch because taehyung mostly turns his head the other way around when you call out to him in public

progress is still progress :D

you’re eating lunch with him at the same table and this time you’re sat beside him!! when normally he’d just walk home to his apartment (lol that’s not allowed but you won’t be surprised to know that he has a free pass) and eat!!!

before that, taehyung would gLARE at you until you stop asking to sit with him in his table

yea he gets a bit lonely at time because jimin and hobi aren’t with him and hE’S the outcast but he won’t do anything about it,, just scroll through his phone while he eats and tune everyone out

you figured that maybe it’s changbin always linked with you in lunch because your schedules just matched up thAt perfectly like it does with tae’s

hee-hee so you might have elbowed him until he begrudgingly agreed to be tolerable, keep atleast four feet of distance from you, and not call tae rich kid kim

spoiler alert: taehyung doesn’t really care about whatever you do because doing those changes with changbin did nOT work at all

however

H O W E V E R

taehyung doesn’t know at all how you’ve wormed your way into his heart!!

what seem to be cold to you is his warmest he’s ever been in such a new environment and outside of his usual comfort bubbles!!!

it’s like you occasionally stealing the food from his plate when you have the same thing is the equivalent of h*lding h*nds with him

you putting your leg over his before he pushes it after five seconds mUST be the equivalent to marriage

wait he’s lying

taehyung does know how you’ve wormed your way to his heart

“hi! i’m y/n! :D”

ok u are a little bit sweaty and out of breath from doing all that fast-paced walking for the past ten minutes

your new shoes that you still need to break into further aren’t helping your situation in the slightest bit

honestly? this is all changbin’s fault <3

he unknowingly gave you the sign that you were looking for

if he says yeah five times with five minutes?? okay yeah you’re definitely looking for kim taehyung and offering yourself to become his model

you don’t wanna sound weird but you feel sorry for him and you wanna help him :((

he’s not helping you tho because he has long legs underneath those trousers and it looked like he wouldn’t budge at all not unless you jogged and stopped right in front of him

“hi! i’m y/n!! :D”

“...”

“.....”

tae’s a bit... perplexed

because who’s THIS entity and why are you standing in front of him

...

....

“bye y/n.”

:]

he wants to exit from this situation because oh my god??

why r u like this

he didn’t ASK for your name!!

and he doesn’t even know you and giving him your name honestly won’t do anything and he doesn’t get what’s your motive and-

“oh c’mon!! you didn’t even shake my hand :((”

he feels even more lost as he tries to wrap his head around that uh.....

you uh.... you wanted a handshake??

.....

tae doesn’t even hide his annoyance because it’s clear as day!!!

he’s blatantly tilting his head at you rudely with a blank stare omg take the hint pLEASE

realizing it now you mAY have came on too strong to taehyung that looks confused as ever

“hi, i’m y/n.”

changbin’s by one of the lockers taking pics of you beaming at taehyung and him scowling down to show you later how dumb you look and how you shouldn’t do this at all

okay LISTEN

his personality trait is to immediately assume the worst out of every scenario possible and that way when something slightly less worse happens? that’s a win babie ;D

he became ur friend in the first place because you heard him yelling since he’s at the door right next to yours and you could hEAR him throwing things around as he cusses his laptop

yeah he cusses his laptop what about it??

if you close your eyes hard enough, you could hear him throw his router against the wall (you later learned that he was so close to finishing his digitalization but then his laptop decided to die) before punching the air

(( the friendship started when you knocked vERY gently and offered him to borrow your laptop even if you aren’t done with all your homework ))

((( changbin thought at first that u were such an organized and too-friendly social butterfly who’s a kiss-ass to everyone but now he thinks ur the coolest person ever and he treasures you more than life itself )))

although, taehyung’s a lot more vicious and closed-off and critical than changbin

he narrows his gaze at you as you introduce yourself for the second time before merely clicking his tongue

“ok cool”

is that uhm

is that IT good sir

“you’re not,” you’re dancing around your words and being careful to not let a pout grace your lips at the sheer lack of enthusiasm, “gonna introduce yourself to me??”

you got a reaction alright

taehyung sCOFFS and that’s the loudest he’s ever been with you in the span of two minutes

“you followed me for ten minutes just to tell me your name. kinda seems like you already know mine if you do that, no?”

this is why you took up biochem instead of law

how do the lawyers not break down???

why does phoenix wright make it seem SO easy?? especially when he’s spoken to in a confrontal tone???

oh god taehyung broke you already

not to be rude but uh what do you wANT

can you get it over already??

“o-oh! uhm i was wondering if i could uHm,” you sound ridiculous now that you think about it and this is perhaps one of the only times you feel embarrassed, “volunteer to be your model for your project?”

hmm

was that a wrong answer,,,

sHOULD YOU HAVE SAID THAT??

“are you in my class?”

taehyung asks and he’s finally said a sentence to you!!! omg

you’re quite shocked so he had to click his tongue to get you to answer 

“no, actually!! i’m a biochem major and-...”

that’s all it takes before he hums and nods his head

and for some reason taehyung looks at you like you’re pREY

“are you a stalker?”

okay wait holy fuck wHAT

you know what

you took a sip from changbin’s coffee half an hour ago but why are you only choking on it nOW

you’re positively sputtering and now ur pressured bc tae thinks you’re a stalker!!! a damn stalker!!

“looked at you long enough. i don’t need a sketch artist and i could just-”

no no no pls no

this meeting is going downhill very quickly 

“oh my god taehyung i’m nOT a stalker okay!!!”

that shuts him up because your voice is so firm and okAY then how do u explain this stalker smh ://

throughout the whole time you’re talking about changbin being an art major and also your neighbor and everything in between, tae has such a neutral expression that you feel so intimidated

“-and that’s what!! i’m not taking advantage of you or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking i guess? i swear!!”

he listened and well if he’s being honest,,, okay yea you did make sense and he does know changbin

“okay then. i’ll think about it.���

“are you gonna give me your number???”

it’s either you’re so forward or he’s just not used to being caught off-guard

WHICH FUCKING ONE

“what for?”

it’s been so long ever since someone asked taehyung for his number

usually in galas and any other socialite gatherings you could think of, everyone’s number would just be in your phone automatically and you won’t even rEMEMBER how it got there in the first place

better yet, it’s been so long since he went back to his usual routine lifestyle of being himself 

his last gala was two weeks ago and tae had to keep looking at his phone to study pdfs and whatever clear pictures he can get of his reviewers back at home because he had a test tomorrow morning

“so you could text me where we’re gonna meet so you could paint me, silly!!”

:D

okay wOAH there

“i didn’t even say that you’d be my model????”

“lol but you were thinking it huh”

that’s it

taehyung has nO choice but to paint you if he wants to finish this project and graduate and have something of a thicker paper to flaunt

it came as a shock to him that hE took your offer and he could only imagine its effect on you

not to brag but tae didn’t even have to sweat for a little because it’s yOU who came to him with this offer!! not him!!

tae lives in the classiest apartment here in uni and everyone probably knows that

much to his insistence that he doesn’t want anyone from uni going outside his apartment, he had to take an L and invite you over

he wouldn’t risk doing his work in any place else because he doesn’t want anyone thinking and getting the wrong idea!!

speaking of, he’s regretting it now because you seem to be too happy being in his space

you’re pointing around and being awed at every possible thing!!! 

what??? is this ur first time seeing a rattan hanging chair :// or a massive couch?? or a canvas painting of something so beautiful?? all of that in what’s supposed to be a student’s one apartment??? christ y/n get yourself together

“so what do you want me to do?? where do i sit oR do i stand instead?? i’m gonna need you to know that-...”

“nothing.” taehyung deadpans before he gets his camera so he could get digital shots as well if ever he needs an extra touch when it comes to his final product

the gears in your head are going bRRR and you’re gonna have to ask him to elaborate but taehyung already sets the pace

“nothing. just be your rEALLY annoying self and pretend i’m not here.”

normally you don’t take his words to heart but this one just hits a little close to home bc it’s early in the morning and taehyung already finds you intolerable

“by pretend, do you mean-...”

“up to you. are you more annoying around me or no?”

how did he read your MIND

tae got the thoughts in your head word per word and you’re so amazed at that because fUcK you originally thought that he’s good at bluffing his way up

click!

it’s you smiling at him

no you’re beaming at him

and you’re in front of his morning-lit curtains and you’re against the light

the portrait itself is already visually appealing and satisfying and man the shadows!!! the value!!!! they’re so raw and dreamy and this is exactly his style!!!

it was just a one-take wonder as soon as he took a picture of you!!! and he may have you to hold that position if he needs the push!! he just needs to translate it to canvas with his own language and emotions and then he’s dONE!!

you’re a pain in the ass

you laugh and you move too much

taehyung had you to to revisit that pose and hold it and you wouldn’t stop giggling bc you were too proud that you did THAT!

you also ask too many things that even hE doesn’t have the answers to

how is he supposed to know if red string lovers exist when you went into a spiel just because you saw a red tube of paint???? and why is he saying his opinions on such trivial things when he has his final project to take care of???

and how is he supposed to know why YOU’RE here hanging out with him instead of finishing your own final project

jk maybe it’s the L word but you’re gonna subdue that as much as possible since taehyung looks like he’d leave you by yourself with any chance that he gets

and you even call him terms of endearment!!! nicknames!! pet names!! names that you’d call someone who’s familiar to you and you probably l*ve!!!

angel

that’s what you call him :))

“why do you call me that?”

“because you look like one”

“and how would yOU know what angels look like??”

“because if they were to exist then you’d probably look like one!!”

“but-”

“ok that’s one minute no more questions taehyung <3″

tae just provides you with all the conviction you need to take care of him without even knowing

not in a maternal type of instinct type of way, but rather in a sPECIAL someone type of way

you find yourself caring for him mOre than you ever could for any regular friend you have!!

you just throw a whole loaf of bread to changbin and call it a day

but for tae??? you go above and beyond!!

“did it ever hit you that rich kid kim never really introduced himself to you?”

oh right....

changbin points out one day and you could see where he was getting at

for some reason he always knew what was in your mind at any given time and sometimes it’s to your disadvantage

you seem to be growing on taehyung though!!

he tolerates you better now!!

sometimes he’ll find you loveable even

he likes having someone around and you’re the perfect contender

if he decides to not talk too much, then you fill up the white noise!!

if he wants you to shut up?? then yOU shut up but of course not without babbling for a little

he’s opened up but with some reservations

some reservations that you don’t mind but it’s normal that you feel sometimes left out, y’know??

because it’s been a good month since you and taehyung properly interacted but he still resents you as much if you think about it

“hey angel!!”

“what is it-...”

taehyung looks up from his meal that he’s been poking at his fork because this has to be the fourth time you call out to him

so he turns to look at you and-

oh

uhm

there seems to be a misunderstanding

you weren’t calling HIM

you were calling out to some other guy that iSN’T him

that’s seungmin!!! omg you haven’t seen him in so long and he just happened to pass by your lunch table!!!

apparently he has something to talk to you about which is why you’re standing up and leaving tae all alone on the table

seungmin’s smile is adorable as always and he gets you in a pretty good mood!!

oh god

dear gOD

what is taehyung feeling in his chEST???

tae’s grip on his fork is starting to get pRETTY tight

and if he’s aware enough, his right eye’s twitching and he’s practically scoffing under his breath

why tf would you call him that

WHO is angel and why is it nOT him anymore????

what he’s feeling is just unexplainable and it tastes something like betrayal

“who’s he?”

he quizzes you as soon as you get back to your table and you don’t waver one bit because you know he’s been asking questions recently

“oh that’s just seungmin!! we were childhood friends then he just transferred here awhile-...”

there’s a bitter taste on his tongue and it shows up in his face and you’re not even paying attention to him!!

“really? thought i was him for a second.”

ok now that got you to stop eating

????

why is he acting weird

taehyung looks even more irked because you look sO oblivious right now

“do you call everyone angel?”

o-oh where is this going

“uhm-”

you’re not even finished and to be honest you’re quite lost and taehyung sCOFFS you to the next century

“‘course you do.”

taehyung angrily finishes his meal and you leave it at that because ok maybe he had a bad day?? and he’s just taking it out on you??

and well tae DOESN’T want you to leave it at that

he wants you to ASK him why he’s mad!!! he’s passive-aggressive and it’s getting unhealthy but he’d rather choke than have him spill whatever he’s feeling

the next few days, taehyung avoids you like his LIFE depended on it

you’re not really bothered by it because he has his days, but this one’s just getting out of control

“are you giving me a time-out or something??”

lmao what did u do now

you nudge him when you see him by changbin’s apartment to borrow an easel even though he’s already got it by his apartment

yeah he’s mad at you and he’s petty but maybe he wants to see you again

tae’s giving you silent treatment and you don’t even question him for it

you don’t bother!!

you’re letting him do whatever he wants as always and he dOESN’T like it anymore!!!

he feels like he’s gonna combust at any given time and you don’t give a shit and he feels like yOU should give a shit because you always do!!

you always hover and worry around him but wHY does he feel like you’re not doing it anymore??

why does he yEARN FOR YOU???

it’s quite an an early night for you

you love biochem but sometimes it kicks your ass and it makes you retch at the mention of all-nighters nowadays!! bc they used to be fun but now doing them because you nEED to?? no thx

you’re already in your pajamas and you’re all washed up!! what could changbin need from you at 9 in the evening??

there’s an urgent knocking on your door and you resist the need to groan because you were about to really knock yourself out!! you need to get back all the rest you’ve wasted over your own final project

is that-

“taehyung?”

the man in question is in his huge yellow hoodie that swallows him up every time and he looks positively spent

his hair’s shaggy and his eyes are glazed and there’s a pink tint to his cheeks :((

he’s holding a baby hydroflask in his hands and you’re pretty sure that’s alcohol in there lol

“don’t call me taehyung!!”

he immediately snaps and you’re lost as aLWAYS

did he really just walk all the way to your complex to snAp at you??

“i’m not taehyung,” he frowns deeply and that’s when you’re a bit more mesmerized, “i’m angel.”

is this what you think it is??

your no.1 deflection move is to laugH and you’re doing that rn

something about this whole situation tickles you funny and you’re not sure what to feel about it

“i like your bottle!! i should get one for myself!!”

he could see right through you though

he ignores your stOOpid statements and goes to hold your hands :((

“no, no. i’m your angel. i-i’m your taehyung, right??”

listen

taehyung is the most confusing being you know and he’s so emotionally constipated that he outperforms changbin but this one,,,

this just feels so different

he’s hugging you

he’s embracing you

he’s burrowing his face to your neck and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t ever imagine what this would feel like :(((

he positively 100% might be in love with you

and you positively 100% might be in love with him too

he’s fishing for your hand by your side to put in between your bodies as he shakes it and that’s because he doesn’t wanna let go of the hug 

:((((

you’re melting and this what heaven must feel like :((((

“h-hi. name’s kim taehyung and i’m yours.”

[organabanana]

Up against the (glass) wall || Supercorp

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Supergirl (TV 2015)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: None

Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor

Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers

Additional Tags: Lab Sex, absolute nonsense, lena luthor protocol but it's smut, alex would like a very long vacation, Oral Sex. oh rao     

Summary: Frustrated by the lab's glass walls and lack of privacy, Lena decides to use her genius intellect to build something that'll allow her and Kara to have some alone time in between missions. Alex really only wanted to put her scientific skills to use in the lab, but she ends up discovering Lena's prototype is not quite as successful as it originally seemed.

Notes: this is the result of a totally serious and normal conversation with @emiltons and I feel like it’s 100% her fault tbh.

[ao3 link]

It starts with Kara arriving at the Tower after a particularly challenging mission. She could’ve flown straight home for a shower and some well-deserved rest, but she knows Lena can’t sleep while Kara is on duty, and she knows exactly what her girlfriend does when she can’t sleep. So Kara walks straight to the lab and smiles at the sight of Lena in her element, inventing what Kara has no doubt will be yet another world-saving gadget for them to use.

For a moment, Kara just watches her, grateful for the glass walls allowing her to see her girlfriend work without having to use her powers at all. There’s something soothing about the way Lena works, slow and methodical and precise even when she’s doing it just to keep her mind from drifting to Kara and the dangers she faces as Supergirl. And really, there’s no reason Lena should worry for a minute longer than strictly necessary, so Kara finally pushes the glass door open and walks into the lab.

“Hey, I’m ba—“ Lena turns around so quickly, wraps her arms around Kara so tightly, that Kara can only let out a quiet chuckle and hold on, enjoying the closeness and the scent of Lena’s hair filling up her lungs as Lena lets the tension of the last fourteen hours dissolve into the hug.

“Hey, baby,” Kara tries again, softer this time, breathed against the skin of Lena’s temple, “are you okay?”

Lena nods, lips pressing against Kara’s neck for a parting kiss before she finally pulls away from Kara’s arms to take a good look at her.

“I am now,” Lena says, eyes narrowing just so as she takes in the rips on Kara’s supersuit. Fingertips touch the torn fabric on Kara’s waist and across her left bicep, the smudges of dirt and pulverized concrete on her neck and cheek. “Are you?”

Kara grins. “Takes a bit more than a collapsing abandoned building to stop your girlfriend.”

And then Kara flexes her biceps, playfully, just because she knows Lena gets a kick out of her playing the confident jock from time to time. She definitely (she swears!) isn’t thinking about her supersuit and the small tear right over her left bicep, and she absolutely isn’t anticipating the way the fabric rips over her flexed muscle.

But.

As innocent as Kara is in all this, and she cannot possibly overstate how innocent she truly is, she’s not complaining at all when Lena tilts her head just so, green eyes fixated on the torn fabric and the bulging muscle underneath as she slowly licks her lips.

“Oh,” Lena says — breathes, really — as she arches one eyebrow, “I see.”

And then she reaches up and traces the ripped fabric once again, fingers pressing just so, like she’s testing just how fitting that Girl of Steel nickname really is.

“Who else is here?” Lena asks, voice low and darkened green eyes fixated on Kara’s, “Are we alone?”

“I, um—“ Kara struggles to make her brain cooperate and process Lena’s words when it feels like every single nerve ending in her body has been rerouted to that exact spot Lena is touching, “I think J’onn… lives here?”

Does M’gann live here also? Kara doesn’t know. Kara doesn’t care. Kara can’t quite breathe right.

“It’s pretty late,” Lena says, and her voice sounds like sun-warmed honey tastes, “I’m sure he’s asleep.”

And Kara swears she tries to think about it. About whether it’s past J’onn’s bedtime, about whether J’onn has a bedtime at all, and about whether martians even sleep in the first place. But suddenly Lena’s free hand is grabbing Kara’s and guiding it down, down, down under her skirt, and Lena’s lips are pressing a warm kiss to Kara’s jaw, and Kara suddenly realizes what’s going on.

“Oh,” she breathes out, blue eyes fluttering closed for a moment before they widen in shock at the realization of what’s going on. “Wh— here!?” Don’t get her wrong, she makes no move to stop the path of Lena’s lips towards her ear or pull her hand away from the warm soft skin of Lena’s inner thigh, but still. You know. “Lena, we can’t—“

“Can’t we?” Kara can feel Lena’s smile against her skin, and the way Lena’s teeth graze her earlobe makes her fingers inch just that little bit higher up Lena’s thigh. “Why not?”

What an excellent question. Kara tilts her head to the side to give Lena’s lips and teeth and tongue free access to her neck as she tries to find the part of her brain that knows why they can’t actually have sex in the lab.

“Because…” Kara sighs happily at a particularly well-placed kiss, “…it’s kinda rude?”

She feels Lena’s chuckle rather than hears it, and it makes a little shiver run down her spine. “It’s rude?” Kara can’t see Lena’s eyebrow, but she’s sure it’s arched so very prettily right now. How unfair. “This is my lab.”

And you know, Lena makes a good point, Kara figures, hand moving further up under Lena’s skirt. This is Lena’s side of the Lab. Her office, sort of unofficially, ever since she became an official member of the team. But still…

“You’re such a goody two shoes,” Lena teases, pressing herself a little closer against Kara.

“I mean, I’m Supergirl. It’s kind of my th— oh —“Lena’s teeth nip at Kara’s neck, completely derailing her thoughts for a moment, “—thing.”

And Kara is almost ready to give in. She’s almost ready to accept that yes, this lab counts as Lena’s home away from home so it’s perfectly fine if they want to get frisky in it. Her hand finishes its trek up Lena’s thigh and finds damp lace waiting for her, and frankly, they’re grown ups. She’s a whole super heroine. If she wants to fu—

“Formic acid!” Brainy’s voice reaches them just a second before he walks into the lab, which is lucky because it gives Kara just enough time to disentangle herself from her girlfriend at the speed of light.

Brainy stares through the glass wall separating the main lab from Lena’s smaller area. His eyes move from Lena to Kara and then back to Lena again, brow furrowed just so as he tries to figure out exactly what’s not right.

“Formic acid?” Lena prompts as she opens the door, voice entirely too level for someone who’s just been nearly caught with her girlfriend’s hand between her legs.

“Ah. Yes.” Brainy nods. “Formic acid. Nia’s neighbor has ants. It gave me an idea for the antidote we were talking about earlier. I think if we just—“

“Tomorrow. Brainy.” Kara interrupts him with a smile, hand wrapping around Lena’s wrist to pull her towards the exit. They have things to do. Private places to be.

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Lena agrees, grabbing her coat on the way out of the lab. 

***

It’s been three weeks since the formic acid incident — as Kara lovingly remembers it — when she gets to the Tower after a mission once again to find her girlfriend deep in thought at her desk.

There’s nothing particularly special about it this time. It’s early afternoon, her foes were rowdy but easily manageable, and her supersuit looks impeccable. And yet, when she walks through the glass door, Lena gives her a look.

A Look.

Oh, that look.

Kara knows the look. Knows what it means. And she very nearly offers to just fly them home right away to save themselves the pain of having to stop halfway through to relocate, but you know what? It’s a bit hard to think ahead when Lena Luthor in a deep burgundy dress is walking towards you with that look on her face.

“That was a quick mission,” Lena says, shaking her head just so to make her ponytail swish in a way Kara’s pretty sure should be some kind of illegal, “those bad guys were no match for Supergirl, huh?”

Kara is blushing. She can tell. She knows because she’s having to employ all her kryptonian strength to keep herself from saying golly or aw, gee or a number of other things that would frankly ruin this whole big super heroine fantasy Lena has going on right now. And who is she to ruin her girlfriend’s fun?

“N—no,” Kara manages, voice slightly higher than normal, and she clears her throat before continuing, “I’m super strong.”

Nailed it.

“You sure are,” Lena says with an amused smile, because she’s very sweet and she loves Kara too much to laugh at her, “do you wanna show me how strong you are, Supergirl?”

Kara nods. And then she remembers where they are and shakes her head.

“We should— I can fly us home.”

“But, baby,” Lena takes one slow step right into Kara’s personal space and Kara feels her brain begin to shut down, “I want you right now.”

“It—“ Kara is trying so hard to do the right thing here, she swears, even if her hands are already on Lena’s waist and she’s already pulling Lena close and Lena smells so very good, “but the walls, Lena.”

Kara can tell Lena is trying very hard not to laugh.

“The walls?”

“Yeah,” Kara presses a quick kiss to deep red lips, just because it feels rude not to acknowledge how delicious they look, “I get what you guys were going for with the… futuristic sci-fi interior design, but all this glass is not very private, baby.”

Lena grins. And it’s not just a regular charmed grin. Not the normal one she shows when Kara says something sweet or funny and her heart gets a little fluttery in her chest (Kara’s heard it). No. This is something else. This is the smile Lena wears when they absolutely destroy everyone at game night.

Lena’s won. What exactly she’s won, Kara doesn’t know yet. But oh, Lena has absolutely won… something.

“You know, you’re right. They’re not very private at all. That’s why I made this.”

Lena shows her what looks to Kara like tiny remote and pushes the button.

Lena Luthor protocol engaging.

Kara cocks one eyebrow at Lena, who simply shrugs as a small robot flies from under her desk.

“I named it after the original one. For nostalgia’s sake.”

Kara stares in confusion as the small robot hovers nearby and points what looks like a camera at them. Except it’s not a camera. It’s… some kind of spotlight?

“What’s it doing?” Kara can see the light inside the robot, can see it pointing the ray at them, but she sees no change in the lightning of the lab.

“It’s making us invisible.”

“What? I can see you,” Kara looks down at her hands on Lena’s waist, “I can see me.”

“That’s because you’re not looking through the glass. Look there,” Lena says, pointing at a polished steel surface on the main area of the lab. There should be a reflection there… but there isn’t one.

Kara stares, blue eyes wide and lips parted in surprise. She’s seen plenty of impressive tech since becoming Supergirl — let alone what she grew up with in Krypton — but this is something else.

Of course, the fact that Lena’s body is pressed up against her own, and the fact that she developed a whole new technology just to be able to get frisky in her glass-covered lab may have something to do with it.

“What do you think?” Lena does this thing she does where she sort of arches against Kara’s body in a way that makes Kara’s brain feel like it’s sloshing about in a sea of Lena’s perfume, and then presses her lips against Kara’s jaw, and to be honest Kara isn’t thinking at all right now.

“Wh— what?” One of Kara’s hands slides down from Lena’s waist to the curve of her ass, grabbing a handful of it as Lena’s teeth oh-so-gently nip at Kara’s bottom lip. “Wh—“ Kara tries again, barely above a whisper, but frankly she’s much more interested in kissing Lena like she means it — like she deserves to be kissed — and she completely forgets she’s been asked a question in the first place.

“Kara,” Lena pulls away from the kiss, lipstick a little bit smeared, cheeks a little bit flushed, breathing a little bit stilted, “I asked you a question.”

And you know, Kara is sure that’s true. She’s, like, so sure. But Lena is taking a step back to lean right against that sleek glass wall and pulling Kara along, and Kara’s brain is powerless to process anything beyond the fact that her girlfriend is practically begging her to have her way with her up against that wall.

And that’s… well, that’s something.

“Yeah,” Kara chooses to answer, because frankly she’d say yes to anything Lena asked right now and she’s a bit busy kissing up the path of freckles on Lena’s neck to care about the actual question right now, “yeah, baby, of course.”

Normally, Lena is far from pleased when she detects even a hint of Kara trying to placate her with mindless agreement, but this must be working for her because all Kara feels under her lips is an amused giggle right as Lena’s fingers slide into blond hair.

“What do you think of the new protocol?” Lena’s voice has a touch of teasing weaved into the words, like she knows the question is ultimately irrelevant but she likes watching Kara struggle to form coherent thoughts while horny. And, you know, Kara can respect that.

“It’s so good,” the hand that’s not on Lena’s ass moves up to cover Lena’s right breast, and Kara celebrates her own incredible luck by pressing a kiss to Lena’s lips, “you’re so smart,” another kiss, this time to a smile Lena can’t quite contain, “my genius girlfriend.”

Lena’s blunt fingernails lightly scratch at Kara’s scalp, making her hum happily against Lena’s lips. “You’re just horny,” Lena teases, her tone clearly stating just how happy she is that’s the case.

“And humbled! By your genius intellect.” Kara squeezes Lena’s ass and kisses the tip of Lena’s nose, because she’s cute and Kara knows deep down there’s a little part of Lena that will always need to hear how good she is out loud. “I can do both. I’m Supergirl.”

Lena chuckles, low and soft, and rewards Kara’s thoughtfulness with a kiss. “Well, Supergirl,” she says, shooting her girlfriend a look that hits Kara right between her legs, “if you’re feeling humbled, you may as well show me how much.”

And then. Then, Lena uses her grip on Kara’s hair to gently tug down, just so, just enough to make Kara’s eyes widen with the realization of where Lena wants her. On her knees. At Lena’s feet. And frankly, Kara files this under things they absolutely need to explore further, because she swears she feels her body temperature rise by at least a couple degrees.

But she’s not about to make Lena wait. So Kara slowly sinks down to her knees, blue eyes locked with green just so Lena can see. So Lena can see Supergirl kneeling at her feet.

When her right knee touches the floor, she hears Lena’s breath catch in her throat.

“Go on,” Lena says, upper back leaning against the wall, “show me.”

Kara nods, hands wrapping around lena’s thighs and slowly sliding up, up, up, bringing Lena’s pencil skirt along with them. She can’t resist kissing every inch of soft, warm skin she uncovers, lips trailing a path up one of Lena’s inner thighs and then the other, until all she needs to do is push the bunched up skirt up over her hips and ass to reach the lacy (Kara is willing to bet) fabric of her—

“Oh,” Kara breathes out, staring at the spot where Lena’s panties should be but decidedly aren’t. And Kara, to her credit, manages to look up into green eyes and shoot her girlfriend a teasing smirk along with a fake scandalized look. “Miss Luthor.”

There’s a dusting of pink across the bridge of Lena’s nose that Kara finds frankly unfair given the circumstances. “Well, I knew the prototype would be ready by the time you came back.”

“See? Genius girlfriend,” Kara smiles as she presses a kiss to Lena’s mound, pulling a happy little sigh out of her, “so smart.”

And then Kara stops talking, because she has much more important things to do with her mouth. Things like kissing the slick skin of Lena’s inner thighs, humming in delight at the smell and taste of her girlfriend and the way Lena’s fingers fist in her hair.

Kara takes her time, lips and teeth and tongue exploring every inch of Lena’s cunt but pointedly avoiding her clit, just because she happens to think there’s no sound more beautiful than the way Lena says please.

“You look so good down there,” Lena says, breathy and flushed, “right—“ her breath catches in her throat, and Kara smiles between Lena’s thighs, “—there.”

And this is why Kara will never really mind the way Lena teases her and makes her blush and stumble over her words. Because she knows the tables turn as soon as she’s between Lena’s legs.

“Where, baby?” Kara asks, her face the perfect picture of innocence as she presses a soft kiss just shy of Lena’s clit, “Here?”

Lena’s eyes flutter closed and she leans her head back against the glass wall with a smile. “Kara.”

She’s never Supergirl when they’re like this.

“Here?” Kara’s teeth gently nip at one of Lena’s lips, and then the other, “Or here?”

“Kara, please.”

And there it is. Right there, the most beautiful sound in the world.

So Kara decides to reward Lena by finally flicking her tongue against a stiff clit before wrapping her lips around it, and she doesn’t hold it against Lena when she pulls on Kara’s hair instead of saying thanks.

All slowness and teasing forgotten, Kara puts her lips and teeth and tongue at Lena’s service, letting Lena hook one leg over Kara’s shoulder to give her better access as she uses her hold on Kara’s hair to pull her closer still.

Kara feels like she’s drunk on Lena’s taste and smell and the sound of the moans she’s struggling to stifle. She can taste just how close Lena is, she can feel it in the way her thighs quake and her breathing gets more and more stilted and her hips rock harder and faster against Kara’s tongue.

“God, Kar—“ Kara hears the sound of Lena smacking one hand over her own mouth, keeping herself as close to quiet as possible — Kara is delighted for her own superhearing that allows her to hear it all anyway — as she rides Kara’s mouth.

She’s so close. So close Kara feels the one leg holding Lena up shaking perilously as a quiet moan escapes between Lena’s fingers, and Kara is just in time to prop her up with one hand as Lena finally comes, head tilting back and hitting the glass wall with a soft thud.

And that — exactly that moment — is when Kara freezes at the sound of someone walking towards the lab.

It’s been a while since Alex has been alone in the lab. It’s been a while since she’s been in the lab at all, to be honest. And that doesn’t seem fair, right? She may not be Lena or Brainy, but she’s a scientist! She can do science things. That formic acid conundrum they were talking about the other day?

Alex could have helped.

But do they ever ask Alex for scientific input? No. All Alex is good for is apparently acrobatic crime-fighting and daring make-up choices.

And she’s ready to prove her worth. So after checking that nobody’s already in the lab, Alex walks in and starts looking around. Innocently, of course. She’d never do anything really intrusive like go into Lena’s personal area or mess with Brainy’s future toys. No, no. But she’ll look around. Check out what they’re doing. See if anything looks like it could be solved by an actual medical doctor, thank you very much.

And then — then she hears it. Some kind of… thud?

On the other side of the glass wall, cloaked by Lena’s invisibility robot, Kara braces herself with one hand on the wall as she holds Lena up with the other. And Kara may be Supergirl, but there’s something to be said about trying to be quiet while holding Lena through a frankly earth-shattering — if she may say so herself — orgasm with her face still between Lena’s thighs.

It takes skill.

And Kara is managing just fine, mind you, until Lena twitches in a way Kara wasn’t expecting, and Kara loses her hold on her for just a split second before she presses her up against the wall once again.

Alex narrows her eyes. The thud she could ignore, but she swears there’s the faintest outline of a handprint on the glass. And just when she’s about ready to chalk it all up to sleep deprivation, she hears a… squeak. The unmistakable sound of skin sliding against glass.

And now it’s not just the handprint there. There’s something round next to it. Something like—

Wait.

Is that the outline of an ass?

“Oh my God, Kara!” Alex turns around, voice climbing higher in both pitch and volume as she speaks because she doesn’t know whether she’s just seen the outline of her sister’s butt or her sister’s girlfriend’s butt but either way she’d very much like to have her memory wiped right now. Is J’onn home?

“Not this again!” She continues, somewhere between horrified and desperate. To be fair, she’s never walked into invisible wall sex before, but she has interrupted a frankly worrying amount of heavy make-out sessions for the time Kara and Lena have been together, and she’d really rather not think about what those two would have done had she remained asleep for a few minutes longer the last time she agreed to a movie night.

It’s a pattern of emotionally scarring behavior, is all she’s saying.

“And you know!” Alex turns around, eyes squeezed shut because she does not want to catch even the slightest glimpse of that assprint ever again. “You know,” she bangs on the wall for emphasis, just once, “I’m all for pride, but there is such a fucking thing as a healthy amount of shame!”

Alex stomps out of the lab, and her aggravated footsteps can still be faintly heard in the distance when Lena clears her throat. She’s blushing bright red, but her voice sounds remarkably steady for someone whose left leg is still hooked over her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“Joy,” Lena says, and the sleek virtual personal assistant on her desk whirs to life. “Protocol prototype version 1.0 partially successful,” she dictates, “consider one-way glass going forward.”

“Oh, oh! And Joy?” Kara pipes up from between Lena’s thighs, “Please order Alex a ‘we’re sorry’ pie.”

Lena simply nods. “Make it strawberry this time.”

[veliseraptor]

So this is in NO WAY PRESSURING, get to this whenever you're bored and have nothing better to do, but I (have still not watched The Untamed) would love to hear any disorganized rambles around your fic 'Punitive Measures', like your thoughts while writing it, how you view Xue Yang's fight/flight/freeze instinct, and/or where you would take the plot if you ever came back to it (again, not pressuring, I'm not asking for a sequel, I'm asking for director's commentary. Also I know the mysterious flute was implying Wei Wuxian, I know that much and not much more.) It's a really fun, quick fic that I enjoy reading through while I keep circling around your longer, more intimidating stories. I aspire to write like you.

oh boy, well, I don't know that I ever have nothing to do but here I am answering this ask anyway, because I like talking about my fic even if I get self-conscious about it.

this entire fic falls solidly into the genre of fic I write that is legitimately just “I’m gonna fuck up this character I love because it’ll be fun and I love to do that” and then just kinda...went for it. actually harder than I was initially planning! my vague sense of what I was going to do with this fic didn’t have Xue Yang down an eye at the end of it.

but when inspiration strikes, what’s a girl to do, etc.

I actually thought recently about writing a sequel to this fic (or, well, continuing into the AU it started, more like) because the concept of Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang being bloodthirsty vengeance brethren is a very good one for me, personally, and at the point their paths would be intersecting in this AU a more plausible one than it would be at pretty much any other time (I would argue, at least in CQLverse). And that’s where I think this would be going. Because Xue Yang would see Wei Wuxian, in his bloodiest frame of mind, powered up with a gorgeous flute of bad vibes and go “fuck yes” even if he wasn’t in a place where he really needed the help.

The question I had was whether Wei Wuxian would be interested in accepting company, and I feel like Xue Yang on that front could be convincing. And the way that the latter would both enable and egg on all the former’s darkest fantasies and impulses...I’m just saying, Wen Chao and everyone he has ever known is in for a very bad time, possibly even worse than they already were.

I invite you to picture in this AU the part where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find not just darker and edgier Wei Wuxian at the end of their scavenger hunt but darker and edgier Wei Wuxian with a friend. A familiar friend! Now down an eye and practically picking his teeth with Wen Chao’s finger bones. :D

since you asked for disorganized rambling I went back to reread and I’ll give you some director’s commentary on a few things

And he’d kind of hoped Wen Ruohan would be too busy figuring out how to deal with his brewing war to dedicate much attention to looking for one absent retainer. And even if he did, Xue Yang had sort of figured that finding him would fall to Wen Chao, who’d probably struggle to find his own ass with two hands.

kicking off this director’s commentary with Xue Yang’s brutal assessment of the competency of Wen Chao.

tbh one of my favorite things about CQL’s involving Xue Yang in the whole Sunshot storyline, despite the merry hell it plays with timeline stuff later, is how obviously little regard Xue Yang has for the Wens, even when they’re at the height of their power. He shows Wen Ruohan himself very little respect, and I can’t imagine anyone else getting more (except maybe Wen Qing, because Wen Qing is competent and if nothing else Xue Yang can respect competency).

and he just like. ditches them. walks out! promises to deliver very powerful magical artifact, and then gets what he wants and is like “smell ya later, peace” and they never catch him.

that’s just a kind of gutsiness and casual disregard for very powerful people that I really both love and respect about Xue Yang. and also that he has in common with Xiao Xingchen, tbh. and Song Lan (though him I think to a slightly lesser degree, partly because he has a little more tact and sense of societal norms as something relevant to be thinking about)! they can all vibe on that.

They took Jiangzai. Well. One of the Wen disciples took Jiangzai in the stomach and Xue Yang didn’t get it back.

this isn’t an important line or anything. I just like it a lot.

Wen Chao gestured again and he went down in a hail of fists and feet. Xue Yang tucked his chin down to protect his throat, curled his hands into his chest, and drew up his knees to guard his stomach.

He knew how this worked. Sure, it’d been a while since someone had beat him like this, but the lessons stuck. It was almost boring, really. If Wen Chao was going to play torture games then he could at least do Xue Yang the favor of trying to be creative.

He checked out the part of his brain that registered pain as anything other than a thing that was happening and focused instead on opportunities. Weaknesses in his assailants. Escape routes. Getting away would be the first thing. Nice if he could take a piece of Wen Chao with him on the way out - arm, or maybe even a head - but the priority was freedom and survival.

okay, this I feel like cuts into some of what you were talking about regarding Xue Yang’s fight/flight instinct, and also a lot of what if, I was feeling pretentious, I feel like this fic is digging into on a level under “what if I just tortured Xue Yang a whole bunch,” which is something about the relationship Xue Yang has to (a) pain and (b) his own body. Specifically, the relative indifference he has toward both. Or...not indifference, exactly, because it’s not like he’s enjoying himself, it still hurts. It’s just...expected.

unremarkable.

which is a lot of what I was trying to convey with Xue Yang’s narration during the whole torture sequence, with the commentary on methodology and how things are mundane or boring, because the suffering itself is mundane! as far as Xue Yang is concerned that’s exactly what suffering is! other peoples’, for sure, which is part of why it doesn’t matter, but also his own.

the world hurts and that’s just how it is and you learn how to cope with that. pain as...a thing that [is] happening.

I also, since you mentioned the fight/flight instinct, think a lot about how Xue Yang is, while he’s very proud and very stubborn, absolutely not someone to pick fights (in general) that he knows he can’t win. Xue Yang will almost always be on the side of “run and come back another day” over “stand and fight when all is lost.” survival, first and foremost.

which feeds into the weird paradox that I kind of hint toward at the end of this fic about Xue Yang as someone who has a definite death drive, who is profoundly obsessed with his own death in a lot of ways, and simultaneously is attached to staying alive above pretty much all else.

“Snap and snarl all you want,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. And the only part of you I need intact is your tongue, so you can tell me where you hid the Yin Metal you promised. Everything else is optional.”

A prickle of fear rolled down Xue Yang’s spine and he flicked it away, baring his teeth.

I actually do think that, even before they get around to hand-specific trauma, permanent mutilation is one of those things that still scares Xue Yang. which is a short list! there isn’t much that actually either gets to or scares him, but I think the prospect of (further) mutilation does, because I think Xue Yang is very...acutely aware of the fact that his physical capability is a major factor in what has kept him alive and what, in all likelihood, is going to keep him alive moving forward. anything that threatens that capability, that limits him in terms of strength or mobility or otherwise has a disabling effect, is consequently going to be a short road to death, and Xue Yang would much rather die painfully fighting than die as a consequence of not being able to take care of himself.

for Xue Yang, the idea of a return to the kind of helplessness that is tied to his trauma is one of the worst possible prospects to contemplate. in my head this is exacerbated further by the fact that I figure Xue Yang didn’t get much if any medical care post hand incident, meaning that the recovery period was absolutely nightmarish and a whole stretch of time beyond the event itself where Xue Yang was struggling to survive because he’d been damaged.

in some ways I think that period of time probably did more to shape Xue Yang than the moment itself.

Wen Chao grabbed one of the branding irons from a disciple’s belt and pressed it to his stomach. That hurt. More. He clamped his back teeth together so he didn’t make any sound, absorbed the burn, owned it. His. You only hurt if you were alive. And anything you survived made you stronger.

Not that this was actually going to make him stronger. It was probably just going to make him dead. But then again, the worse this went the more resentment he’d have built up. He could use that. Would.

Dead didn’t have to mean finished.

obviously this is pulled almost direct from what Wei Wuxian himself says to Wen Chao. deliberate echoes based on character parallels! we love those.

and yeah, again here about Xue Yang and his relationship to pain, but in a less mundane way this time where it’s about pain as a tool, pain as something he can use. which is another thing about coping, I think - when pain and suffering are a regular part of your life, one way to deal with that can be to convert it into having some kind of purpose or benefit.

which in this case it definitely can. Xue Yang is definitely someone who, I think, has thought a lot about trying to arrange it so he becomes a ghost after he dies. or at least has thought a lot about what he’d do after dying to the person who killed him. 

and when you’re a necromancer by trade death really isn’t the end of the line anymore, just the start of a something new. Xue Yang’s relationship to life itself: about as jacked up as his relationships in general.

He felt the snap of bone in his teeth. Pain shooting up the side of his hand, all the way to his wrist, and Xue Yang couldn’t keep himself still enough not to try to wrench himself away. He swallowed his scream and turned it into a laugh. It was funny, wasn’t it? Funny, that he was back here, again. It wasn’t as bad, though. He knew how to take pain, how to breathe it in, make it part of himself, later turn it outwards magnified tenfold. They were old friends. Practically lovers. 

two things here:

1. the thread throughout this fic of Xue Yang making things funny so he can deal with them, here brought to you by reliving trauma! because it’s funny! right? laugh about it! just fucking hilarious.

I have a thing about characters basically deciding for themselves to make very unfunny situations funny because it makes them less awful.

2. and look, now he can deal with it better this time! he’s Learned. :) :) :)

Everything splintered. Splintered like bones under a wheel, and first thing he tried to struggle to get away but that just hurt worse and then old old old instincts kicked in and he went still, limp, dead.

“Did he faint?”

Someone nudged him with their foot. One part of him roared to grab that foot and rip it off along with the leg it was attached to. Immediately the same thing that’d made him play dead told him to wait.

at an end point where fighting is impossible and running is also impossible, the only thing left to do is play dead and wait it out. this is very much, in my head, a reversion to a tactic Xue Yang hasn’t used in a very long time and does not want to be using now, because it is absolutely the recourse of the extraordinarily helpless with no way out.

which he has been! and is now, but he really really really doesn’t want to be. Xue Yang has built his life around not being that, ever again.

but here it’s not a move he makes planning to turn it around the way he does, not at first. he gets there, but when he first does it I think it is literally just instinct that goes enough is enough and shuts down.

Wen Chao, Wen Chao, Xue Yang thought. My body’s going to give out before I do.

someone should remind me at some point maybe (or not) to write something coherent about my Xue Yang vs. his own body thoughts. specifically the way that, while Xue Yang is very physical and very grounded, I think he has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with his own body, actually. not completely! he definitely respects what it can do for him! but I think he also treats it a little as a slightly separate entity that’s capable of betraying him rather than as a fully integrated part of himself.

not always! but it’s a little bit there. this idea that sometimes his body, and its capacity to be hurt or damaged, is a weakness that he’d like to be able to forgo entirely, if only it wouldn’t mean losing all the good things about having a body. and that’s present here in this line, for me, where he thinks about himself and his body as slightly separate, and his body as something weaker than its Xue Yang core.