#i want my bio to actually make sense and stuff idk

[chloelouygo]

I really need to sort out my blog's theme and tags at some point because it's driving me crazy and I need a reason to learn html and what better reason than to better display mariks face on my lil blog ig

[velvetvexations]

transemasculation: for when you think freud was right about penis envy but ONLY for dirty little trannies (but seriously what the fuck is with this term? who thought this was a good ide- oh, right, ASSHOLES!)

it's really funny because I would make jokes about how TRFs don't want transmascs to make their own language without sending it in for approval to the Transfem Council and now the famous self-identified transradfem is like "here you stupid little boys I made you a word to use if you want one so bad."

That transemasculation shit is the most obvious set up to just keep making fun tmascs because people generally think emasculation is a funny and harmless nonissue maybe even #feminism. Like whats the bet if we did start using it how they want us to people would just immediately start connecting it to our “toxic transmasculinity” to dismiss it / continue to paint us as whiny MRAs anyway ?

it's so fucking belittling

One of the most frustrating parts of when a trans fem posts transandrophobic stuff openly for the first time is how any disagreement harsher than silence gets taken as "men abusing women" and held up as proof that she was right to be wary of trans mascs all along, because look how quickly we will turn on a trans fem and attack her—any negative feelings she has over the incident are just more evidence that she is a victim under siege and right to feel this way.

the wounded gazelle gambit is very popular

The thing that bugs me about transmasc on this site who called themselves TME is that I never see them doing any actual activism for trans women, they specifically just talk down on other transmasc users. Like it comes off so fake-

that's Feminist in Bio men for you

Kinda crushed to see bee/movie/erotica post that? Like??? Yeah white trans people can hold power over me but what the fuck do you think you're doing calling my maness the same as whiteness. my maness cant be the same as whiteness because I am not fucking white. hellworld.

I'm very sorry they let you down, anon. <3

You can tell TRFs are terfs because they do the same thing that terfs do where they point to people who call them baeddels and say that their critics are calling them slurs, and then a few days later will self-identify as baeddels again

they complained so much that I very generously got people to almost entirely saying TRF instead and immediately they just go "TRF is a slur to silence me :("

"the nefarious genderqueers think they're so much more radical and valid than us while the whole queer community actually caters to them, we need more representation for Real Binary Transsexuals" is a recurring theme in Whipping Girl so no wonder it's a common refrain for the "read a singular book" crowd

they do as they are taught

i really like your sense of humour btw

Thank you!

anyways all this patricia taxxon stuff is kinda just making me more motivated to make autistic transmasc therian video essays.

as you should honestly

because i love answering questions not aimed at me, re: is cheating abuse no, but it's a dick move that can be a part of abuse. abuse in a relationship is, for the most part, long term and actively emotionally/physically harmful to at least one person. cheating can be a part of abuse (for example, the fact the abuser cheated in the past, can be held over the abusees (? idk if that's the right term) head.) but alone it isn't. i hooe this made sense. i woke up two minutes ago and have thoughts! i would love to hear yours, because peoples opinions differ a lot in subjects like this

I think I agree with that.

Tall fat hairy women <3

<3

WOOFWOOF... HELLO BEAUTIFUL

;)

I’ve seen a few of your anons discussing the proposal of ‘transemasculation’ to replace ‘transandrophobia’ but I’m not sure that anyone has shared this info yet: https://www.tumblr.com/weepingfireflies/770239720162738176/im-not-even-transmasc-or-transfem-but-the essentially, ‘transemasculation’ was coined years ago by a transmasc user alongside other terms for related and adjacent discrimination/bigotry/etc.; the user who is trying to speak over transmascs about our our terminology and experiences apparently didn’t even bother to do a cursory check that what she posited was actually a new concept

I think it's been brought up but that is very funny, in a cosmic sort of way.

"trans men are men first!" gender essentialism is going to ruin us all like yes you're quite right if you're born a man no matter what your life experiences are, you are inherently more likely to be self-absorbed assholes who hate women. absolutely. the only thing terfs are wrong about it who counts as a man and who counts as a woman yep 100% i see no issues with this clearly our Man Brains make us evil

it's like yeah people who identify as men clearly have skull shapes that show an inclination towards misogyny

i rly appreciate seeing someone else who uses similar referential terms b/c i'm bigender and i honestly really like calling myself a male manwoman. it just feels right in a way nothing else does

I'm glad!

[goblinontour]

im actually curious. The way you write is soo amazing and deep and too deep even. what’s on your mind when you write those things i mean your insanely talented and it’s getting to the point where my whole day in school is thinking about every single word you wrote. I think about the words what it means and honestly the things you write makes my heart beat faster idk why. What’s on your mind and how do you actually think 😭 i know it’s weird but im genuinely too curious to know how do you see life things and everything like how do you feel and such yk. I like you a lot pls keep going im so amazed by your work

thank you. this went on pretty long and probably doesn’t make any sense so i’ll just leave it under read more.

i don’t really know how to answer this and at the same time i think that’s the answer to it. i’m a very closed off person, it’s been getting worse as the years went on, i feel. i think it started from just being self conscious about like normal stuff but then it turned into this constant feeling that’s there all the time, no matter who i talk to for the exception of maybe a couple people, i can’t help but feel that i’m not taken seriously and they’re either making fun of me for being who i am or making fun of me for actually being boring/embarrassing/etc and me just being oblivious to it. and that then turns into me being even more closed off. i was told once that i’m not “stimulating” in conversation. it’s really stuck with me and i’ve sort of just been avoiding getting into situations like that again by shutting up all together. so when i write i feel more free to express myself however i want knowing that no one’s forced to read it, and if someone does it’s because they actually wanted to. as for the writing itself i just…think of stuff. a lot. i’m not actually very experienced myself when it comes to the subject of my writing, so i think i invent an idealised version of things (when though some of the things i write wouldn’t be classed as ideal, i hope you understand what i tried to say). i’m also very scared of people and interacting with people, like i said above. and that fear made me awfully aware of every move i make and every word i say, and i mean with anyone. from a greeting to a hug goodbye, it’s all overthought in my head, i just try to avoid taking the lead so i don’t end up looking like the fool…so i resort to writing interactions and conversations and such. that’s like the basis of it. and then i often have notes for each individual fic before i write it. i have the main idea of what i want to happen in my head but sometimes it’s difficult to just go from that. so once i have the idea i start writing down random stuff i see/hear. mostly out of context stuff but when i’m already thinking of something it just automatically links to that and when i sit down to properly write it becomes what it becomes.

i’m also pretty obsessive when it comes to things i like and if i find something i really really like then that’s the only thing i can think about. not like actually the only thing but the only one i think about in that way. alex for example, it’s just him. i like other bands/artists but i literally don’t give a fuck when it comes to stuff outside of the music itself. i’m a fan of the 1975 and i find matty healy hot and i traveled to another country alone for the first time to see them live but i’m not affected by anything he does, i just don’t care enough. but for alex it’s…it’s alex! i think of him a lot and i think his absence is what makes me think of him so much actually. so it’s impossible for me to not have something to say when it comes to him. hence why i write so much about him, i have all these different versions of him in my head all the time.

and i don’t consider myself a writer in any way to be honest. it’s not what i’m in school for, it doesn’t have much to do with it, it’s (like my bio says) just fantasies, put down into words. i guess.

no idea if what i said makes any sense with what you were actually asking. i think i’m starting to say too much on here.

this is what i mean, lyrics, posts, just images sometimes, sentences i hear and like:

[bunnakit]

my stand in ep 2 thoughts, feelings, etc.

alright i wanted to write this up nicely but it took me... two hours to get through the episode bc i kept stopping to write notes, so i'll do my best i guess.

weird thing about me is when i watch shows and write notes for these posts i always write the notes on napkins? i have like 5 different notebooks in arms reach at all times but i really like scribbling on a napkin for the true unhinged effect.

anyway blah blah reminder i'm just a silly dude on the internet, idk shit about dick, i just like to say shit, don't take me too seriously.

also please DO NOT leave novel spoilers in my reblogs, tags, or replies without some kind of warning label. please? it seems to happen with every show i write meta for and i LOVE that people get hyped but there's no way for me to avoid it when it's in my notifications like that.

some before the actual episode stuff; after learning last week that some of the kinnporsche people worked on this it really becomes apparent, especially in the style of the intro.

the music choices also seem a bit reminiscent of kinnporsche (and a little bit of not me) which i really enjoy. it feels kind of familiar and comforting.

immediately i loved how soft this episode started, the slight stubble on each of them, the way joe speaks so softly as if afraid to shatter their little bubble of peace, etc. i also love that the show doesn't skirt around the topic of sex and the fact that sometimes sex is awkward and clumsy, especially with a new partner and doubly so when it's your first queer partner.

and then the peace was shattered with ming kissing his back yet again. ouchies.

"will tong be at the set?" he's just not even trying to hide it. he basically said 'yeah ur great and all but tong????' but DAMN if poom isn't the absolute king of microexpressions.

at this point i can't really tell if tong is being a spoiled prince (derogatory) or if he's tired of acting in general? judgement withheld until a later date.

and then we jump into this actress being a parallel to ming and OOF OUCHIES MY ORGANS. she's a fan of tong but has to "settle" for joe - just like ming. and yet joe takes the time to be kind, to soothe her worries and put her at ease, because he has a heart of absolute gold. "it's her first movie but she was left to drown by the male lead." it's ming's first love and he has been left to drown in it.

mek's acting is really endearing. this is my first exposure to him (ive seen some of his social media and really like what he stands for as a person) and i'm instantly drawn to his performance. he also pulls off a great balance of adorable/sexy.

OOH THE SHOW SAID BISEXUAL OUT LOUD. A WIN FOR THE BI'S WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

i personally find ming's jealously hilarious. what a little caricature of toxicity.

anyway, it seems to me that if ming could get over his feelings and enjoy what he has in front of him he could be part of and enjoy a very sweet family, as it does seem tong IS giving him love, just not the exact flavor he craves.

the cut to joe's training made me laugh. little oat lore dump but my bio dad was actually a stunt man for movies (which is another part of why i was so excited for this show) and i can promise you nothing like this was part of it. what do i know, though, maybe things have changed since the early 2000s lol.

(no, they're probably not any movies you know, aside from maybe wild wild west [1999]. he mostly did westerns, historical docudramas, and historical fiction.)

ANYWAY AGAIN. with this little glimpse into ming's home life we get to see that he's very accustomed to doing what he wants and getting what he wants, which makes a lot of sense when applied to his almost obsessive behavior regarding tong - and now joe. i did absolutely LOVE linin and her sassy independence (minus the 'i can buy anything i need'.)

but... girl... did you just spray perfume in your mouth?

your actions are strange and unsettling. i like that in a woman.

ugh getting into ming venting his frustrations on joe's body. listen. liiiisten. while toxic without prior discussion... i'm into it. it may or may not be one of my favorite tropes in fanfic. toxic and unhealthy as fuck and i'm here for it.

AND THEN DAMN POOM THOSE NOISES. ACTING FOR YOUR LIFE BBY -- and the SNEEZE AT ORGASM LMAAAO oh i hope that's a running bit for some comedic relief.

because we then make a SHARP pivot into "then stop me" and there's so much potential for pain and self loathing there, for joe to think "i can't blame ming, i didn't stop any of it." i'm sat.

a little side bar, but i'm enjoying the fact that while there is discussion of topping and bottoming as a narrative device there really aren't any stereotypes here. i think on a surface level people would think "oh joe is the top" (pit babe style) and the show said no actually he isn't. love that for us.

"you can even move in haha jk" but the thing is, not jk, because joe would do that for ming - for anyone - bc that's the type of person he is.

[i had to stop and have a lil snack here]

hold up is this wut out drinking with them? OH SHIT IT IS. OKAY. it didn't give us much but at least it's a little connection to him finally. we knew joe knew him from his first life, just didn't really know how.

"i missed you" and when was the last time someone missed joe? not who he's replacing or the space he's filling, but HIM?

love ming's goofy ass locking the door and going inside just so he can make a dramatic ass appearance like he's 'the other woman' or some shit LMAO.

"what's in you to make me jealous?" quite possibly the worst dialogue tree choice ming could've picked.

[joe's emotional well being -45]

[everyone hated that]

"don't be so full of yourself" something joe has never been a day in his life. "you're just a stand-in." he knows. it's not something he ever forgets.

but after all that toxicity we have ming back home, seeking out joe's food for comfort, and we finally get to see him interact with his sister. i LOVE that she knows the importance of being a little silly as a treat, one of my biggest life mottos. we also get to see more of how ming is surrounded by love that he misses out on bc of his own wallowing and self sabotage.

oh, the homoeroticism of sparring with your bestie.

[everyone liked that]

oop- joe is wearing the shirt ming borrowed while sol is wearing a shirt with the word 'fantasy.' i'm good, i'm fine, gwenchana, gwenchana.

ough. sol with too many eyes on him and none of them sincere and joe with nothing but sincerity to offer but remains invisible. oof ouch.

enter ming with more religious imagery to match last week's cross scene. something something the sin of greed? confessing your sins? coveting - idk man, i don't have any religious trauma, my family let me just do my own thing.

but with ming knowing joe's true feeling every toxic thing he does is going to be 1000x more painful and i'm here for it. bring it you fucked up little guy.

"we can't mess with each other's privacy" don't mess with MY privacy. "you can't mess around with anyone else" emphasis on YOU, not we.

and then it's driven home what a romantic joe is, both with his workout heartbreak poetry and this little lady and the tramp noodle moment. this man, again much like pit babe, wants to be domesticated so bad.

and i know we all have hated on ming, that's the point, he's been a caricature of a toxic relationship spelled out in neon letters --

but when was the last time ming laughed with someone like this?

ok im exhausted, i'm falling into bed to read fanfic, but i'm absolutely in love with everything this is doing so far. i haven't written anything as in depth as this since last twilight (pre-betrayal) so it's really nice to feel insane again.

[person25]

so… daminette

i honestly have no idea where this crossover came from but here we are

so, i think i’ll start with the stuff i actually like, kind of anyway

it’s not hard to imagine them in the same universe with them both being superheroes and all, not the most out there crossover that makes no sense.

also it definitely falls under the grumpy x sunshine which i do like, there’s a lot of soulmate au’s for this ship and if yk me yk those are my weakness (if done right).

this pairing has the least amount of explicit content in it than almost any other i’ve seen (thank goodness for younger me) so if i wanna read a long fic and i’m not in the mood for any of that i just look for these specific fics

sometimes it’s fun to see marinettes class get put in their place other times it’s weird and out of place, really depends on the author and how long the story is and where they wanted it to go.

now onto the things i don’t really enjoy

i swear everyone who writes a maribat fic is a miraculous fan first and the only dc content they’ve consumed is other maribat fanfic cause there’s no way

most of the time damian’s personality is that of his 10 year old self like ik that man’s personality changed over the last 8 years, usually in daminette fics they’re around 18

also, why are all of the family members at WE like sure maybe she’ll see tim or bruce but why is dick there? i’ve even seen jason? like no, i’m sorry that would not happen.

honestly most of my problems have to do with it not being realistic for batman but also, marinette would not be in the same class as any of her friends in high school, she probably won’t even go to the same school as them

i’m just gonna say damian would not fall in love that fast, it doesn’t matter who it is it ain’t happening, also just an overall focus on mari and barely any on damian

things i haven’t talked about but would if asked:

literally any other maribat ship, like this girl is shipped with everyone in dc

bio dad au, honestly never read any, i wanted that romance and if bruce is her dad we ain’t getting any, unless it’s with someone else? idk didn’t really look into these

honestly if you have any questions about maribat i could probably answer 😭

i’m don’t actively read it anymore but occasionally i get curious and i had to rant about it bc maribat is one of those ships that’s only on fanfic websites and none of my friends understand (i don’t blame them)

[sparkleboiswagger]

I need help crafting head canons and backstories for a BSD au I'm creating

I'm working on making head canons for a normal world no mafia no Ada or whatever au. For the most part I'm trying to take canon events and adapt them in a way where they could realistically happen, but for characters with more unknown or vague pasts I'm great for any HCs

Starting with Dazai, Dazai is not an orphan he was removed from his home by CPS when he was about 2. He was in the foster care system for a while, tossed around until he ended up in a home with Mori from ages 9-16. Mori was abusive, so Dazai ran away and lived in a shipping crate for a bit. Eventually he was taken in by Oda, who was a foster parent to mostly younger kids. He was there for 6 months but when he was out with Oda, Oda was killed in a mass shooting.

I know Dazai "improved" in canon after Oda died but I didn't give him a chance for this big long speech and there wasn't any reason for Oda to anyways, so Dazai completely spiraled after that. I have like a whole story written about that. But short things is his alcohol addiction got worse, he often spent days just not moving from Oda's grave and since you see him inject himself in season 5 and pop a pill in season 2, I have him experiment with drugs like fenty, shrooms, and heroin. Not addicted, just trying them out. Dazai is my most fleshed out in the au I'm creating, idk why.

Dazai bullies Akutagawa in school because of course he does.

Now for Chuuya I haven't finished stormbringer so my HCs for him might change. But.

He was also in foster care. I haven't fully fleshed out his life yet and I want some ways to integrate the sheep some how? But he entered the system when he was 8, I don't know why because I haven't finished storrmbringer. It varies from Verlaine killing his parents to them dying in a car crash so. Working on that. Verlaine went to a different home from Chuuya, he doesn't know him well he just hates him. I've been debating between having Kouyou be his sister or foster mother, but since I put Dazai with Mori I figured Chuuya could go with Kouyou and she'd just be a younger foster mom. I was also thinking I could find a way to make them in the same house? I really want the whole betrayal thing where Dazai leaves Chuuya and I thought it could be cool where Dazai left Chuuya in an abusive home to deal with it himself but I'm not sure, would it even make sense for him to have been with Mori?

Chuuya is in college, Dazai is struggling to get by. They still have their personalities obv so Dazai isn't like this sad mopey mess he's just a sad mess who mopes when he's alone and everyone doesn't really realize where he's at mentally

Mori has also fostered Yosano and Q, while having Elise as his bio daughter.

Atsushi and Lucy's backstories are basically the exact same as they are in canon

Akutagawa is homeless ofc, he just moves from place to place with his sister. His clothes are shit and he smells because he never showers so he isn't treated well at school. I'm tryna think if he'd go to college, also he's still got his terminal illness. I'm not sure how his need for Dazai's validation would come out in this au

Ranpo was adopted by Fukuzawa. His life was also basically the same. Yosano was also adopted by him.

I'm thinking Kunikida has a normal ass life with normal ass parents, just too much of an overachiever and on the verge of burnout but not allowing himself to burn out

Poe is rich. He was born rich, he's got money, that's all. I've got for him lol.

I'm trying to find ways to add the rest of the cast, I want to get all the characters in and get them lives and stuff made up.

If you have any suggestions to how I can expand this world I want to write fan fiction on it once I've fleshed it out a bit. Feel free to be like "actually no I dont like your idea, I think this would be better" because I'm open to any criticism on this, I just want it to be good and I'm not stuck on my ideas

[elendsessor]

since i downloaded a shitton of region mods and got to retread some + added some more for my annual replay and got done with them all, gonna briefly list them and share some opinions!

-overall general flaw i do have with some is length. while cool to see such developed regions, some are longer than i think they should be. makes sense if they have multiple connecting areas (a “central hub” of sorts), but for straight shots idk feels like a lot of padding as good as the regions are.

-stormy coast: an example of the aforementioned length problem but man is it a wonderfully unique concept. love how it changes based on campaign and it is fun to explore! i want more regions that play into how the rain functions.

-coral caves: ooog so pretty!!! kinda weird to explore as saint due to how some paths are blocked off, and there’s a very evil echo location, but overall a pleasant time :)

-hanging gardens/preservatory: actually peak i’m obsessed with the latter and want more content for it holy shit???? definitely gives off the vibe playing vanilla rw has, especially in the endings. do wish there was a break point shelter midway through preservatory but i understand why not. just a lil difficult if trying to bring back the pearl, especially since there’s a guaranteed red lizard spawn in all campaigns. for hanging gardens proper, my only gripes are wonky shelter layouts and a couple kinda bullshit jumps.

-lush mire: the only one i didn’t like. absolutely gorgeous don’t get me wrong but insanely buggy and confusing to traverse. idk what interferes with it but music never plays, there’s an infinite loading screen issue, and the game crashes when sheltering. i’m sure it’s good to some and there was a lot of effort put in, yet for me, no matter how many times i did try and give it a go, it never ends up being a pleasant experience.

-pilgrim’s ascent: wonderful concept, good execution, not much to say.

-scorched district: it connects to metropolis :) another really needlessly convoluted region but otherwise a fun time! i like exploring atop pebble’s can……….

-far shore: stormy coast minus the weather, so a lot like spearmaster/arti’s iteration. same stuff down to critiques, but i love the volcano. really gorgeous and interesting set pieces here!

-mossy fields: WAHHHH SO PRETTY!!!! idk not much to say about it either but it is a lovely little experience. noodle eater my beloved.

-eventide: genuinely amazingly impressive. found this one via the trailer on youtube and turns out according to the creator’s yt bio they’re 14???? dunno if this is their first time making a region or not but they did super well. i need more truly eye candy locations. only issue is the music that plays because it’s uh. poorly mixed and kinda grating. if the ost was made by the modder i do have to give them props for trying. wish some rooms had a bit more space too. one of my favorites for sure, and i think it’s cool how much rw has influenced younger modders to try their hand! can’t wait to see how the creator’s skill evolves if they end up making more!

-steaming edifice: we need more fun regions. just ones with interesting gimmicks and minimal lore. the baby lizards are adorable too! there’s a couple bullshit jumps here and there but otherwise some of the most enjoyable platforming in any of these.

-fog gulch: oughhhh the atmosphere is on point and kudos to the track that’s just fart reverb and dog barks(?) it’s beautiful. some item textures need some better shading, and the amount of creatures that cause explosions is a bit annoying. the maraca spiders are especially egregious due to how numerous they are. definitely goes on a bit too long, but on a visual and conceptual level (plus the fog vultures), it nails it.

-forsaken station: i don’t have every area mod installed that connects but i love the aesthetic and design. pleasant to go through despite how confusing the map gets.

[123gocat]

(okaayy first actual pinned post bio thing,,.. here we go,,,.,. ,,.. )

haii!!! i'm 123gocat but u can jus call me cat. this blog has a lot of stuff,., really random stuff sometimes but i usually post art of my characters and sometimes fanart. i also just post whatever, like thoughts that come into my head, random song lyrics, or just a question i might have for whoever it is watching.

my name is not "flashwarnbrightcolor" that's just the name of the site loll

⭐️stuff about me igg??🌈

he/him oNLY!! i don't like being called they,,/them,n, i wont correct you but like just know that okayyy??

-furry!! very cringe oooooo scary

-i lovvee, cats :33 ,,duhh

- i'm an animator and song producer, i someday wish to make stuff with lyrics but not yet

-i LOVE rainbows n colorful stuf n yesss

-i like the styles webcore, scenecore, rainbowcore, and just pretty colorful thingz in generalll!!!!!

-i like smiling friends, dog man, vocaloid, animation memes, pjsk, matt rose, failboat, uhh probably some more but idk rnn

-i type weird.., it should make sense but jeah i am very silly witf my typing ;p

(click below for dni and additional account info)

⚠️B4 U INTERACT‼️

i have really bright stuff on my page that might hurt ur eyez x-X

i don't typically swear but sometimes i'll link songs and videos with them, or reblogz 0^o

iam minor ⛏️ i will NAWT give age!!!!! stawp askimm,,. I SEE YOU!!!

i am verz mental illness.,. doctors are confused but they have stuff in mind. i don't feel comfortable saying what it is, only few irl ppl can know and u know who u are!!

if you know my irl name or other personal info, don't mention it online!! sure u guys already know haha (like 4 ppl i thiinkk??)

ALSO!!

i don't usually keep track of/follow controversy or drama, so i apologize if i reference media with problematic figures!! if you are to point it out, please be respectful.

- i do this because it's hard to believe what i see online and you don't usually ever see the other side of the story.

- i also have a hard time with telling if some stuff is real/not real sometimes so i don't want to involve myself in anything that worsens that behavior.

- even if the person IS truly a bad person, i don't approve of harassment or threats on anybody especially online

- i don't really know them? and i don't know you,,. online is scaryz

also if yk stuff that makes me nervous or triggers me, don't use it against me ;w; ik it's sort of "asking for it" as i've been told, but really, not even as a joke please

i don't really consider this a kids account but it's not like,,. super adult at all? you can be of any age just please be mindful of the stuff i already said above.

❌DNI/STUFF TO NAWT DO!!🚫

don't press political beliefs or anything don't even talk politic,.s. i don,t, like it very much ;-;

don't beg fur money!! i don't have any!! stawp nagging me!! /ref

don't use my art/anything i make to model/train ai!! i do not condone to that!!

also, i've seen some people doing this, but don't make ai chatbots of my characters!! idk if it's happened yet probably not i don't have any apps like that i wouldn't know ggrrr

i don't mind mild swearing i don't really care just no saying slurs. and don't do sexual talk or whatever i don like it wuuhh

🐾✨MY FURSONA!!! >:3 🌈💫

you'll see him a lot on here ^w^ he's very epic,,.

oh gawd how do i make the picture smaller

his design is verz flexible he can do a lotta things. yes he has a tail.., it's fluffy

heres the non anthro version

okay that's about it fur him,. i have other characters too you'll see em on here somewher..,

🎨COMMISSIONS!!🍬

https://www.etsy.com/shop/123GoCat <<<< :3

5 dolar

half body furry any species but just not like terribly complex. like it caan be complex but that would have 2 b extra monezz.., i think idk how etsy wurkkz.

i always get comments asking if i'm available for commission,. yes i am . it's rihgt ther. stawp askin.

OTHER SOCIALS!! 🩷💜🩵💛

uhh that's about it, byee!! >w<

[navyciel]

H:SR CIEL MASTERPOST

a honkai star rail verse for black butler/kuroshitsuji canon character, ciel phantomhive.

Combat Type: Physical or Fire/Imaginary

Path: Erudition or Destruction

bio:

after losing his father to the war that raged between the family and the watchmaker, ciel has claimed his predecessor's role of sapphire among the intergalactic peace operation's ten stonehearts as well as their spot within the bloodhound family.

not many are aware of ciel's origin nor are the other stonehearts aware of his young age. ciel lives in penacony where he is seen as nothing but a villain who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants and they aren't exactly wrong.

harbouring deep hatred to the watchmaker who took everything away from him, ciel bullies and torments misha yet at the same time can't bring himself to truly hate misha himself and doesn't let anyone else hurt the other boy.

ciel struck a deal with a humanoid memory meme he calls "sebastian" at the mere age of ten years old that as long as the boy lived, sebastian would serve him and do his every bidding.

headcanons:

being the pure and innocent soul that misha is, I like to imagine he truly sees ciel as his friend. their relationship arc would likely be frenemies to actual friends or perhaps kinda frenemies but in the sense that they only act like enemies when in reality they are the bestest of friends ( think the actors of harry potter and draco malfoy when they were young and acting together in the films )

ciel is a counterpart to either hanu or boss stone. nobody in penacony is certain which one though.

I made up my own potential powers for the sapphire stoneheart I will use in this verse that includes potential future vision similar like to sapphire from steven universe. I could also see the stone containing the souls of ciel's ancestors ( bc of how in source, ciel once mentioned being able to hear screams when he closes his eyes and the way the family heirloom aka ciel's sapphire ring had been handed down from generation to generation until it reached him. )

idk the situation with double ciel in this verse yet. r!ciel may be dead or on an entirely different planet.

sebastian and ciel's relationship is still the same as in canon source ( servant and master, sebastian being ciel's main caretaker, etc. none of the gross sebaciel stuff that is only rumored to be true. ) I simply couldn't take sebastian away from him even if ciel hates the man's guts.

ciel likely is part of the entertainment department of the ipc but specializes in making games and toys for children his own age. some of these even make their way to penacony.

ciel makes for a very efficient dreamweaver and detective

sebastian works as a butler for the family

[osachiyo]

I finally changed my whole tumblr to where it's like an actual profile. I feel so proud of it. Do you think it's good? But I was really wanting to ask if you have any tips for me for writing? I really wanna make my own drabbles like you do.

i think your icon and header is adorable ! i love the fox dazai fanart <3 just a tip tho, you should add the artists @ on your bio !

for writing, im terrible at giving tips buuuut i'll try my best !

honestly the first thing i'd recommended is not using this font ↓

example! :)

for writing because most people don't like it (i especially don't !) it looks a little idk.. weird to the eyes?? if that makes sense lol

oh and also the onelook thesaurus is a lifesaver tbh. i struggle to find the right words for my fics all the time soooo this is so helpful

and like i said, never use the small font for your fics lol

and you should tag your stuff properly ! if you're writing for female reader, you should tag it or mention that it's female reader ! this goes with dark content and other stuff too :3

that's all i have right now lol, sorry if this wasn't much help </3

[sindumpster]

Any unbirth thoughts or ideas that appeal to you? Just in general. I currently have an ub-session and love your ub stuff. 💗

"ub-session" made me snort. I love it.

But hokey I'm gonna jot some things down so sorry if this ends up more of a jumble of words than anything. Also obviously this one is gonna be hella nsfw

-Ngl a lot of my go-tos with it involve the UB being orgasm-triggered. Because something something vaginal contractions which idk if I likened that to peristalsis or if someone else inserted that into my brain. It been...a while since I refreshed my sex bio. But if cocks can eat people then I can grasp at my straws and pretend it triggers the vaginal succ-tion.

-...which would also make sense if the pred(?) is a biiiit of a size queen. A dicking devolves to fisting. Could just be the fisting that triggers the succ. Also my humor is dumb so I like it when the other char is marveling over how far their arm can sink in. Mentioning its getting harder to pull back. Oblivious to all the warning signs before its too late.

-tho I will also die on my hill of pushy prey so someone actively being like my arm has gone past the elbow and this *still* isn't working. I guess I will just push myself in there. Because also, my humor is broken so this being the first most obvious solution the prey thinks of is hilarious to me. Post nut clarity is gonna hit hard (or they like it. Or it was the plan all along because they're a kinky fuck)

-forreal tho prey that's a kinky fuck. Realizing how stretchy the pred is and want to try it. Or has done it before. Just taking the initiative.

-I'm realizing a lot of these are about my broken humor so I will also raise you--pregnancy jokes. Because I like them with vore and other situations where the char isn't pregnant but will just go along with it because it is the easier explanation (and like, I say this as someone with a preg kink. The joke just doesn't hit the same when its actual preg tho lmao). Also UB being extra prone to this because the prey is sitting in the right place (as opposed to oral vore where stomach sits higher up. As if people would notice this and care but I will also die on my stupid detail hill)

-but also I'm a sucker for combo kinks and also I like my separation of different stuffed...organs? Compartmentalization kink? as in life so in kink IDK point is UB pred following it up with a stuffing session. Or oral vores someone (esp if they are not a fan of preg jokes). There's a bit of a power play there if the pred's like "well what are you gonna do about it~". Prey getting increasingly cramped or complaining about the growing weight above them. Or feeling each other's struggles. Two different prey poking at each other through the fleshy walls. I just think it's neat.

-also orgasm being a release valve as well. Because you can fuck (or fist) someone from the inside (There's a "cum out" joke here somewhere).

-Which could also be a power play on the prey's part. Or throw in some public humiliation where prey tries to pleasure the pred in public, and the pred must hide how flustered it is making them. They don't need to come out from it, they can just fuck with (literally) the pred.

-I like competitions of any sort but I do not care who wins. Even my bois I equally enjoy them losing to clever prey (or a pyrrhic victory). Or just kinky fuck prey. This isn't specifically a UB thing but for me it applies just as well. Could also be funny if this devolved from some kind of stupid sex contest. The "whoever cums first loses" where prey gets increasingly desperate to win and this results in them shoving themselves up there.

-also I like the "getting your hand stuck in the cookie jar" joke.

-MULTIPLE PREY. Because why the fuck not. Uterus party guys everyone is invited. Or smol prey if a large tum isn't your jam (but I am biased. Sorry. Not sorry.)

-MASC PREDS. MASC UB. NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE REALIZE THIS POTENTIAL JOIN ME OR POINT ME TO THE ART.

-which I like it doesn't have to be a sex thing but the "motherhood" or "age regression" sides of the kink aren't my niche so sex is usually how I go. It can be peril or even fatal, or warm wholesome safe vibes. I like both. And should go without saying but even the kinkiest sex can be wholesome.

-tho also the impressive side-eye in the afterlife when you admit you got digested by a snatch. Went out with a bang. Got your dick stuck in a living vacuum cleaner. This isn't really an idea.

-ALSO REFORMING PREY. If fatal is your jam. Idk man I'm still working out the kinks(lol) of how the fatal pussy would work without getting into the dark details of any internal pred/prey kinks where digestion is actually the least of your problems. Except my Space!AU where everything can be a stomach if you're brave enough. Alien anatomy you can do whatever the fuck you want so that's where my wackiest kink mechanics go. (Because I'm still working on this notion that I am "realistic" and will not break these stupid rules I made up in normal canon for some reason??).

-Tho I guess with reform you can have your "rebirthing" stuff. (Personally with the caveat they reform as an adult. I don't mind preg or even warm cozy vibes but again...parenthood loses me sorry. But feel free to use it lol)

-Oh and also face-sitting [GONE WRONG][GONE SEXUAL]

-Or I guess if you're really into dicks eating people can have a CV pred fuck a UB pred and the prey just gets kinda shot up there.

///and I'm sure there's a fuckton of things I'm forgetting. But this is already way longer than I intended lmao

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

This is so informative!!!

Your welcome <3

Yeah a lot of my stuff was missed because I was twice exceptional at school. My disabilities made me look like a really good student and hide them. Though my lack of having to do work and study made me struggle later on. I started off with straight A's and ended up average and struggling in school by the end,

Story as old as time :-(

I heard from so many gifted kids that they never learned how to study becasu ethey didn't need to ... until they did ...

It doesn't really help that you have both ADHD and ASD since they tend to balance each other out (same as ADHD and anxiety or ADHD and deperssion ... ) -- not enough to not struggle, but enough to, on the outside, seem just mostly normal (and maybe lazy) enough to not get either diagnosed ...

*sigh*

I personally wasn't exceptional at school, just average

With horrible spelling, massive trouble at math, and constant chaos

But I managed

There where kids in my class that had overall much worse grades

So idk ... I guess everyone just shrugged, decided I wasn't good enough to invest in me and not bad enough to need help and that was that *shrug*

plus I was starting to be aware of how much I wasn't like other people and how much my social needs weren't being met as a loner and weird kid.

Deffinietly

That's why I love the uggly duckling

It's such a nice tought to one day find out what one is and find ones own people :-)

Becasue yeah, I make a pretyt shity duck, no matter how hard I work

But I am not a bad penguin XD

-> Deffinietly not a swan though XD

Even though my mother had diagnosed ADHD and likely autism and definitely dyslexia, she was just happy that she had a kid that wouldn't be picked on for "being stupid" like her and unfortunately that made her, and everyone else, miss that I had them too.

Same here

I am so sorry :-(

My mom didn't have any official diagnoses, but she did suck in school and now that I have my diagnosis I am relatively shure that she has at least ADHD and dyslexia as well ...

SO wenn I had the same problems she just thought:

"Well, I shouldn't have had kids. I was a dum dum so obviously my kids would be dum dums ... "

And that was it XD

She DID notice that something was wrong with me wenn I was still little and did drag me from psychiatrist to psychiatrist

But they all decided I was perfectly fine *eyeroll* and my mom was just hysterical and wanted attention ...

*sigh*

You are so so so hot for all this.

Thank you <3

This may be annoying people with me re-blogging back and forth

Hey, your blog your rules XD

but this is shit that people need to read.

I am just giving back XD

I only got my diagnose beacsue of tumblr

Like I would never have thought I had ADHD

But I read the posts and then I thought maybe I have it?

And then I did some free ADHD tests on teh internet and though maybe?

-> there are some where you have to sign up but at least back then there where some that where free and imidiate

And I got that book "driven to distraction" and I thought I will highlight everything that happened to me too, or that I can identfy with

By teh end the whole book was mostly green and so much shit in my live suddenyl made sense

And I was so angry XD

But I also had enough "amunition" to get my official diagnose :-)

Thank you so very much random person. 😁

You're very welcome

Saddly I dodn't really tag my posts (the ADHD chaos is strong with this one), so looking for ADHD on my blog will give results but there is no rhyme or reason to it XD

But here is some stuff that might be helpfull

This is girl/women focused stuff, no sure if you will find it helpfull (I saw in your bio you use she/her/they)

But I am just gonna share it, in case you do

And this is a very god lecture (it's where I heard about "driven to distraction" I think?)

I started to watch it becasue I saw a post (this one) on tumblr where he talks about teh fact that ADHD kids have no friends and why and I felt like he was describing my childhood ...

It's what realyl made me wonder if I have ADHD

Becasue everyoen always talks about the hyperactivity and teh distractibility

But few people talk about teh socila isolaton ...

This is teh first part

The whole thing is realyl long but really good IMHO

I dodn' agree with everyting but it's very informative

few ... long post

sorry XD

Hope some of it is helpfull :-)

Oh wait

This one is also good

love Luigi Mangione looking like peak health with gnarly fucking back pain. it'll probably fly over so many people's heads but it's just great to see perfect examples of "looking healthy" don't mean Jack fucking shit especially in a shitty healthcare system.

because no one says it aloud but subconsciously everyone thinks you deserve bad health, that bad health is a punishment, that bad health is consequences that you brought upon yourself.

[heroquills-a]

( random realization of the day... maybe because he bottles up and ignores his bad feelings so much thats why sonic is so bad at expressing how he genuinely feels about things and also why he’s bad at catching onto emotional cues )

[stevesbipanic]

My thoughts on the icon and name thing:

Firstly, I personally have just seen queer people changing the meaning of gay panic thing to something positive and I personally like the expression and do not have a problem with it. However it is a horrible real thing in its original meaning and I think people should be at least aware of it. And so like your blog name is fine. It's named after a character and something to do with the character.

Secondly, I check people's bios before following to decide if I want to and then honestly never again. So I don't even remember reading the ally thing. But what I see every time is the blogs icon. Personally if people have a flag on their icon no matter what other stuff there is (in this case steve) I interpret it to tell about the blogger and not whatever character is on the icon. (I repeat: I personally see it that way and if I interpret it wrong it's on me.) So to me the bi flag in the icon is "misleading" if you then say you're something else than what the flag says. (I repeat that I personally do this and actually just realised that maybe I'll want to stop doing that.) BUT it also connects to the character on the icon and to your blog name. It all makes sense when it's all put together.

Idk if this made any sense but I want to say that I don't think you've done anything wrong. I think your name and icon are fine. I actually like them.

I hope this doesn't blow up to a huge thing and you get to keep posting normally. You don't have to answer to/share this publicly, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I really like your blog and hope you have a good day:]

-a queer person who is just trying to vibe

I totally agree that gay panic defence is an important part of history that needs to be condoned but yes I also agree that in its modern day meaning it's quite different and yeah no I get what you're saying about the pfp. I know some people use flags in the background as a general telling people what their sexuality is I think yes in passing if I'm randomly found somewhere on this hellsite people would probably assume I'm bi and that's very fair but I do feel that a lot of people do the same as you before they actually follow someone and that's check out their profile first and when put together I do agree it makes sense as a whole.

Thank you for ya vibes and adding to this discussion ❤️

[hazbincalifornia]

The results of your mpreg poll was disappointing and sadly not unexpected. I had a feeling the results would reflect how the fandom usually is about Stolas. All attention on him, obviously he's the only one who gets to be preg... it just sucks for Blitzo. Where's the love for Blitzpreg? Hell, where's the love for trans Blitzo? I guess there are more Blitzpreg fics because there's more of a story to tell? But it's strange that there's no art to be found, almost seems to be due to peer pressure?

Also tfw I draw my Stolitz fanchild OC and people immediately assume they came from an egg like the others, because obviously only Stolas could have given birth to them? No?? My fanchild is the result of Blitzpreg, thank you very much. I feel odd about my OC being rounded up with the other fankids under the banner "Stolas's many eggs" because mine didn't come from an egg. I guess I'm taken aback by the automatic assumption. Do I really need to make it clear that I like Blitzpreg?

(These came in one right after the other so I'm pretty sure they're connected, putting my response under the cut bc of some salting 🧂)

I haven't been included in any of those roundups, but I'm not being followed by most of those people, so it's not like it's a slight against me or anything. I can definitely see how that would be frustrating, though, (if anybody did it with Stella I'd be pretty damn annoyed considering her being Blitzo's is kind of the whole point of my fic) and having everyone automatically group it into just eggs from just Stolas, I assume mostly because of Dani is... frustrating, yeah. (I'm not particularly a fan of Dani and have had her muted for something like a year now. This last week has been a very mixed bag of 'I'm glad people are having fun, but ughhhh.') There are other options- even if it wasn't Stolas, both Blitzo and magic are options if it's their bio kid. Magic took a pretty decent second place, after all.

I've puzzled over 'why are there a bunch of fics but I never see it outside of said fics/ao3' a lot- from what I dug up from the older years of the IZ fandom (and this wasn't extensive, by any means- I'm sure plenty of it was lost on old sites) there was a similar divide with Zim/Dib preg content, with Zim getting more fics and Dib getting more art. I think in both HB and IZ, 'there's more of a story to the one that gets the fics' is probably at least part of it, but it was a lot more... idk, even with Zim. Like, I still saw Zim art, and one of the biggest fics had Dib instead, (thanks Zadr Orange, for being incredibly OOC but also helping make me Like This) it was just the balance was slightly tilted towards one of them each way. Here, the fics are roughly 2:1 for Blitzo (although that may change in the coming weeks) but the actual fankids/art tilt way more heavily to Stolas.

I genuinely like the headcanon of trans Blitzo, (and wonder a bit why intersex Fizz is a thing but not any of the other main characters?) and y'all know I like to think of imp sex as a lot looser than it is for humans (and for humans, it's already a whole spectrum!). Plus, having to stick with cloaca 'because he's a bird' when he's a humanoid demon, anything would make sense, and a cloaca isn't actually a pussy, my dude... it's not something that should have really been argued as hard as it was. Sure, transphobic shitheads can choke and I have zero problems with it as a general headcanon/idea, but I've seen people who were told they needed to change their art because they drew Stolas with a dick because they weren't on twitter during the two days the Discourse was raging, like that's not inappropriate in itself.

Anyway. That was kinda off topic. If you want to shoot me a dm or something I'm generally free to chat, I just usually don't want to ruin anybody's fun so I just try and boost up mine and Emmie's Blitzo stuff more, and getting to salt a little was kind of cathartic.

[pascalpanic]

Begin Again (Marcus Pike x f!Reader)

Inspo: Begin Again by Adam Melchor

Summary: Dating apps never pair you with the right people. Until you come across the profile of a handsome, pancake loving FBI agent named Marcus.

W/C: 4.8k

Warnings: lots of talk of food, language, late night deep conversations, some sadness at the end but nothing intense? reader has a pet cat, is that worth a warning? idk

A/N: HI GUYS this is my first full length Marcus Pike fic! I really hope you like it!! thank you so much to @theteddylupinexperience and @sanchosammy for being my best editors and proofreaders and idea givers!!!

note: PLS listen to the song before/after/while reading! it’s one of my favs and it really goes along with the story

Over the course of your adult years, you’ve become convinced that dating apps are complete and utter bullshit. The algorithms never work right, never pair you or any of your friends with anyone worth seeing in person. Maybe that’s just the problem; maybe it’s not the apps but the people. Whatever the answer is, whatever reason you’ve never found success in the endless swiping, you’re through with it.

That was before last week. The rainy Tuesday night left you in your apartment, alone, to succumb to the cold spring dreariness. Over a cup of hot tea, you’d downloaded the app again. Might as well try, right? You have nothing to lose. If worst comes to worst, catfishing an annoying guy is always a blast. The good news is that this app requires you as the woman to make the first move. That’s kind of a downside- you never know how to start conversations- but at least you can’t get unsolicited dick pics right off the bats. Life is full of tradeoffs, you suppose.

You begin again. The app becomes your favorite pastime. Bored at work or home? Dating app it is. Left. Left. Left. Boring man after boring man. One labeled himself super-straight: absolutely fucking not. One holding a fish: nope. A man who describes himself as a gym rat: not your type. It’s a boring way to spend your lunch break, you’re aware, but the entertainment value is fun if nothing else. There are a lot of strange men out there.

After a few days, your luck seems to turn around as the photo of a man with brown hair and warm brown eyes pops up on your screen. He has a scruffy beard and wavy hair, and the way his smile tugs at the corner of his lips makes your heart flutter. He’s really cute, you have to admit. You read the bio next.

Marcus, 35

❗️ Washington, D.C.

Got forced into making this, but optimistic. Lover of art, dogs, and time to relax. Always down for breakfast for dinner and cuddling. Looking for someone with a sense of independence, love of travel, and a sleep schedule equally fucked up as mine. Must love pancakes.

Must love pancakes. That’s absolutely adorable. You immediately think of your cat, named Pancake, and you laugh and swipe right, hoping the man already thought the same of you. Your eyes widen with excitement and you almost laugh out loud from your giddy state when you see the little logo indicating it’s a match.

The first message you send him has to be perfect. You ponder your options for a minute, frowning and furrowing your brow as you think. You don’t want to come on too strong; you’re not trying to sound like you want a hookup. A simple one-word greeting wouldn’t be enough.

You could comment on something from his bio, you realize as you read it again and again. Maybe ask him about his dog? No, that’s too awkward. You want it to be about him, something that can draw him in. Talk about traveling? No, you don’t want to sound like you’re bragging about the places you’ve gone in your life.

Pancakes. Pancakes are good. You love pancakes. You think for a second more, debating what to say, before inspiration strikes and you send off the message before you can stop yourself.

-

Marcus Pike has essentially felt the same as you. He’s a somewhat charming man. He’s had his fair share of relationships, but they never quite work out. His ex-wife, now long gone and blocked from his phone, was an absolute failure of a relationship. He’d gotten close to what felt like true love with Teresa, another FBI agent, but she flaked at the last second.

Maybe the constant here was that he met them in person. When Marcus falls, he falls hard and fast, down an endless spiral of emotions with no escape. Maybe if he met someone online, it would be different. His best friends had all encouraged it, and on a night out not long after Teresa left him, Pike set up his own profile. He liked that the app didn’t require him to make the first move. It’s refreshing.

Marcus had seen your profile hours ago, on a mindless phone break from his work. He’d swiped right too, stunned by your smile and the lovelines you radiated even through the phone. He crossed his fingers for a good part of the day, hoping you’d swipe right on him too.

His day is busy, leaving him no time to fiddle with his phone and distract himself. He eats in the cafeteria, checking up on his phone. After lunch, he’s walking back to his office when his heart flutters as he sees the dating app indicates he’s had a match. He looks at it and swallows hard before stopping, moving to the side of the hallway to allow others to pass. He’s breathing hard, and his heart speeds up when he sees that you are the one that matched with him.

He knows how this app works. He has to wait now, to let you make the first move. He can’t even write a message until you send one. So he pockets his phone again and continues on his walk.

He’s determined on his walk, rushing back to his desk so he can sit and be thoroughly enthralled in waiting for or receiving your response. His phone buzzes several times with notifications, one of which he prays is you. When he finally sits, he opens the app ceremoniously and has to hold back a genuine laugh when he sees your first message.

Blueberry or chocolate chip?

Marcus shoots back a text nearly immediately. Sorry, what?

Your bio. “Must love pancakes”. Blueberry or chocolate chip?

Marcus is absolutely beaming as he leans back in his chair, crossing his legs. Blueberry. Always. I hope that’s the right answer :)

Unfortunately, it’s not, but you’re cute so I’ll let it slide

You called him cute. It makes Marcus’s heart flutter. Come on. There’s nothing like the warm blueberry popping in your mouth.

There is. It’s when the chocolate chips are all melty and creamy.

God, Marcus is already painfully into you. You know what… at least you love pancakes. I’ll let it slide. You got a favorite place?

Anywhere I can get ‘em. You seem like quite the connoisseur, do you have one place in mind?

Jane slams down a stack of files on Marcus’s desk. “Paperwork overflow, Pike. Can you get these done tonight?”

Marcus is the fastest in the office with paperwork, which often leads to him being the one that flies through the files in the place of the people who actually filed it. He nods. What else is there to do? “Sure.”

Jane claps him on the shoulder and wanders off. Marcus watches him in slight annoyance. The best place in D.C. is definitely Sandy’s. Hey I gotta go, text ya later?

I’d love that :)

-

It didn’t take long for your texting to move from the dating app to actual texting. It happened within the same day, in fact.

Marcus messaged you some hours after the initial conversation. Your phone buzzed while you were doing yoga in your apartment, your cat curled into a ball beneath your stomach as you held a downward dog. You nearly collapsed on top of Pancake as you fumbled to sit cross-legged on the end of your yoga mat.

The message from Marcus is bright on the top of your screen. Hi. Sorry that took so long. Work stuff.

Smiling, you take a swig from your water bottle and lean back against your couch. Not a problem. Understandable. What do you do for a living? It’s a loaded question in D.C.; they could range anywhere from politicians to their rich sons to artists and athletes.

I work for the FBI, actually.

Your eyes light up in excitement. That’s the coolest shit I’ve heard. What do you do? Are you an agent?

The man’s responses don’t take long at all. He must be waiting in the chat to respond. The idea makes your heart flutter. Yep, I’m an agent. I work in international art crimes.

You certainly didn’t expect that for an answer. Wow, okay, that’s even cooler than I thought. I was about to call you Agent Pancake but I think my girl would be disheartened...

Snapping a photo of the way Pancake is nuzzling into your side, meowing for snuggles, you have to laugh as you send the photo his way. Funny you love pancakes so much. This little muppet is named Pancake.

Marcus responds with a barrage of heart-eyes emojis, which makes you laugh aloud and scoop Pancake into your lap, stroking her strawberry-blonde fluff. She’s an absolute angel. Like her mother, I’m presuming.

Your cheeks flood with warmth and you can feel the tips of your ears turning hot too. You’ve never even met me, Agent…? You trail off the text, asking for his last name.

Pike.

Agent Marcus Pike. What a nice sounding name. It sounds official and strong and you really like it. Cute last name. Might steal it from ya someday ;)

You don’t normally flirt this shamelessly, but he’s so goddamn cute and funny. You cross your fingers behind your back that this isn’t just a facade, that this is Marcus himself texting like he would to anyone else. You got a phone number?

As you laugh, Pancake paws at your chest to grab your attention, nails nearly digging into the stretchy fabric of your yoga tank top. “Watch it,” you scold her softly and remove her paw from your chest, picking her up and giving her a kiss on the head. Sure do. You want it?

Yes please.

You send your number his way and moments later, your phone pings with a text from an unlabeled number.

Maybe: Pike: hey, it’s Pike :)

You: hey… dammit, I really want to call you Agent Pancakes, but I think my fluffy little heathen would be offended. I don’t know what to save you in my phone as...

Agent Pancakes: Save me as whatever, I suppose. Not my problem, right?

-

The texts became more frequent. Over the course of three weeks, you’d stay up late talking like teenagers, knowing you need to go to bed but unable to bring yourself to do it.

You learned that his middle name was Mauricio, that his mother wanted him to have at least something a little more Latino in his name. You told him the story of how you’d adopted Pancake as a kitten from a shelter and she woke you up one morning with her claws entwined in a snarl of your hair. He told you about his ex-wife and ex-fiancée, Teresa, and you responded that he deserved something better than that. You can already tell that he’s a good man.

At the end of three weeks, you shot Marcus a text. Things seemed to be going pretty well.

You: Hey, you want to do a video call sometime soon?

Agent Pancakes: I’d love that! I’m free tonight if you are.

You: Always free. Shouldn’t you know that?? Doesn’t the FBI spy on us through our phones and whatever?

Agent Pancakes: well, I do work in art crimes. Even if we did, it would be a totally different thing

You: Good.

An hour later, you fidget with your hands as you sit on your couch, the laptop propped up across from you and ringing for a video chat. Marcus’s profile picture bobs on the screen as you wait for him to pick up.

Marcus’s face and apartment fills your screen, and you automatically grin. “Hi,” you giggle and wave, absolutely enraptured by how cute his real smile is, not the forced one in the photos.

“Hey. Nice to kind of-finally meet you,” he tells you and waves back. The wall of his apartment is nothing exciting, but his facial expressions already have you falling. Those big brown eyes compliment natural but ridiculously pink lips, and his brown hair is neatly done. It looks like he’s wearing a tie and a dress shirt; probably his work gear, you suppose.

“You too!” You tell him, unable to stop smiling. “You shaved.”

-

Marcus’s heart jumps out of his chest when he sees you ringing him. He barely has time to flop on the couch and turn it on, propping up the camera across from him.

God, you’re so gorgeous. Your giggle is infectious, making Marcus laugh softly at god knows what. Your grin is equally as contagious, making him smile back. He rubs his jaw in response. “Yeah, yeah. I tend to keep it clean there. Stubble takes too much maintenance, and I have this little patch where it never quite grows,” he tells you as he juts his chin to the camera, touching the spot where his beard can’t grow.

“I like it either way,” you assure him, shrugging a little. “How was your day, Agent Pancakes?” Your voice is the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard, even with the granulated audio over this shitty app. Agent Pancakes makes his heart flutter. “No, not you!” You groan as Pancake climbs onto your lap. “Hi. Your twin wants to say hi.”

Marcus’s smile widens. “Oh my god, hello cutie pie,” he chuckles, launching into baby talk. “What a pretty girl. You make a good Pancake.”

You smile and rub her fur, grinning. “She’s my baby,” you chuckle and set her aside. “Yeah. I’m busy. Leave me alone.” Pancake meows in protest. “Shut up, I’m on a date,” you whine.

Marcus’s ears perk up. “This is a date?”

Your eyes widen as you turn back to him. “I… yeah?” You ask, wincing a little.

He grins back at you. “I like it. And I’m really in love with the idea of seeing your face when you talk.”

“I like your voice,” you flirt back, but you mean it. “It’s so pretty. Do you sing?” You ask mindlessly, studying the way his brow furrows and his eyes convey exactly what he’s thinking.

He chuckles softly. “I used to. I haven’t in a long long time.”

“You’ll have to sing for me sometime.”

When he shakes his head, his neatly gelled hair tries to break free. A strand does, falling in his face. “You don’t wanna hear it, I promise.” He removes his tie, and you can’t help but watch the movement. It’s incredibly sexy.

A mischievous smile makes you bite the inside of your cheek. “No, I really do, I really think I do.”

Marcus rolls his eyes. “Only if you try the pancakes at Sandy’s sometime. I promise you, they’re the best pancakes in the District. I’ve never had the chocolate chip pancakes, but if they’re anywhere near as good as the blueberry, they’re fantastic. And they’re open 24 hours. I go there a lot for late night case work.”

You smile at that, getting cozy on your couch and hugging your blanket. “That does sound nice. I love a good all day breakfast,” you say with raised eyebrows, the teasing in your voice. “Okay, human Pancakes. How was your day?” You ask him again, intent on hearing his answer. Not only is his job fascinating, but he’s adorable when he explains things.

Marcus frowns, and that makes you instinctively frown too. “Well, it’s been good. We’re tracking a huge smuggling ring right now, but since we’ve pinpointed a stock house for them, I might have to travel for a while.”

You frown. You’d been hoping you could have a real date soon, at least. “How long is a while?” You ask him curiously, sipping from your water bottle that sits next to you.

“Couple weeks. No less than a month, probably. I’d… well, I might have to go undercover, which means we couldn’t talk for a while.” His eyes are apologetic, showing that he hates this news as much as you do. “And… I’d leave maybe tomorrow or the day after.”

Your heart sinks. “So soon,” you say with a sad smile, a desperate and lonely chuckle. “Well, if you want to come home to me, I’ll be here.”

Marcus’s smile perks up just slightly. “You would be the best thing in the world to come home to. And I’ll have the scruff back by then.”

“Yes!” You exclaim and laugh, pumping a fist in the air. “I think you’re really cute anyway, but I really love the scruff,” you shrug shyly.

“Maybe I’ll grow it out just for you.”

-

The adrenaline from his first technical-date with you prevents Marcus from sleeping. The call lasted hours, the two of you covering almost everything important in your lives. You talked about your favorite television programs and politics, your parents and your favorite pizza toppings. Talking with him was like nothing you’d ever experience, a connection you’d never thought a dating app could offer.

After several hours, during a lull in the conversation, Marcus suggested the two of you log off. It was around 11 P.M. now, and, even though Marcus has a sleep schedule like a raccoon, he figured you should sleep. He blew you a kiss through the camera, which you pretended to hold to your chest and grin at him.

But now it’s an hour later, just past midnight, and Marcus is antsy. He doesn’t sleep much anyway, but your face is running through his mind like it owns the place, and at this point, maybe you do. Marcus sits up in bed and sighs. He knows the proper remedy for this: Sandy’s. Throwing on a rare pair of jeans and a leather jacket over the white v-neck he wears, he slips on his shoes and makes his way to the tiny, 24-hour diner.

-

The adrenaline is coursing through your veins too. You text any of your friends that will listen, rambling about how beautiful Marcus’s face is and how wonderful it was to finally hear his voice. You pace your apartment, petting Pancake as you pass her perch on the arm of your couch. You try to do a little yoga to calm down but you can’t stop smiling. Marcus occupies too much room in your brain to try to think about anything else.

When it’s just after midnight, hunger strikes. You realize you never ate dinner, too preoccupied with talking to the handsome man to even consider microwaving something from your fridge. Talking with Marcus has instilled you with a love for pancakes, and you think to yourself that maybe Sandy’s would be worth a shot. It’s open late.

So you toss on a jacket and pick up your purse, slinging it over your shoulder and leaving your apartment. You toss the book you’ve been reading into your bag, planning to read it while you sit and eat. Pancake gives a sleepy meow of protest but you just smile and lock the door behind you.

The diner is just as small as Marcus described it to you: just a short line of booths along the windows and a smattering of tables in the middle. There’s a colorful, warm-toned tile floor that juxtaposes the warm green of the walls and the smell of fresh coffee and pancakes wafting through the air. Quiet classic swing music filling the atmosphere. You can see why he likes it: it automatically makes you smile.

You sit in one of the booths, facing away from the door, and the kind waitress takes your order: chocolate chip pancakes and an English breakfast tea. The air conditioning is blasting, making you chilly. You tighten your jacket around yourself and sip the tea when it arrives, adding cream and sugar.

Cracking open the book, you cross your legs and lose yourself in the book. The restaurant has a calming aura, and you can feel the tea warming you from the inside. It’s fitting that Marcus loves this place, you think to yourself.

When the pancakes come not long after, you take a bite and almost groan in happiness. It’s absolutely delicious: Marcus was most definitely right. Disappointingly, you have to go to the bathroom about three bites in.

Even the bathrooms are cute, you discover. When you return, someone else sits a booth away,  another lone diner at this godforsaken hour of night, facing the door. You can see the back of what appears to be a man’s head, neatly trimmed brown hair and a brown leather jacket over their neck and shoulders. Sitting back down, your back to the other customer’s, you return to your book and continue to eat your chocolate chip pancakes.

The customer and waitress are talking, but you don’t pay much attention, too enraptured by your book. It’s quiet again after the man puts in his order, and you enjoy the soft jazz music that makes you tap your foot in time against the tile.

There’s a buzzing and the melodic sound of a phone’s ringtone; one of the defaults that a phone provides. Your heart skips a beat as you hear the man pick up. “Agent Pike.”

That can’t be your Agent Pike, can it? You turn and listen and realize it’s definitely him, from his voice and the way he holds himself and the stack of- of course, blueberry pancakes and a hot coffee set in front of him.

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Let me write that down.” Marcus types something into his phone. “See you then. At the office? Good. Alright, see you.” He hangs up.

Standing, you tuck your book back in your purse and put the bag over your shoulder. With one hand, you grab your plate of pancakes, and the other grabs your tea. You set them down across from him and slide into the booth, grinning. “Huh. Agent Pancakes, here, in the middle of the night. How unusual.”

Marcus’s tired face lights up in excitement. “What?” He laughs, his eyes scanning your face. “Why are you here?”

You shrug and take a bite of his pancakes, sighing. “Had to see if they were worth the hype. I couldn’t sleep, you got me so excited.” The blueberry pancakes are absolutely fantastic, just as good if not better than the chocolate chip ones on your plate. “Damn, you were right.”

“Hey,” he laughs and pulls his plate closer to his chest. “Don’t touch my pancakes.”

You make pleading pouty eyes, frowning a little. “Can’t we share?” You tease. It already feels like you’ve known him for years, even though this is your first time seeing him in person.

Marcus sighs. “I suppose,” he says and rolls his eyes in sarcasm, pushing his plate back out so you can access it.

-

Marcus is beyond stunned, absolutely enraptured in how beautiful you are in person. If he thought he fell on that video call earlier, he’s now reached the very bottom of that cliff, the impact of your everything stealing the air from his lungs. God, he wants nothing more than to kiss you right now, on those lips coated in blueberry juice and maple syrup.

The two of you spend quite some time so there, just talking and continuing the conversation where it left off before. The waitress refills Marcus’s coffee twice and your tea once. “So who called you when you were sitting alone?” You ask him as you bring the white porcelain mug to your lips, sipping at the creamy tea.

He sighs. “Guy I work with, his name’s Patrick. He’s a douchebag, I can’t lie,” he says with a chuckle, and his heart flutters at the way you give a soft laugh back. “Just telling me the details. I leave in about 6 hours. I’ll be in Singapore for a couple of weeks.”

“Singapore?” You exclaim, eyes wide as your fork clanks against your plate. “You better be able to contact me.”

He shakes his head. “I told you, I’m going undercover. I can’t.” He sighs, and he dares to reach out and touch you, to reassure you that he’s there and himself that you’re real, that you’re right there. “Will you wait for me?”

Your heart melts, from an already slush-covered river to a rushing rapids. “Of course, Marcus.” It makes his heart skip a beat. You’ve called him lots of nicknames, but never his real name. Something is painfully intimate about it. “I like you a lot; why wouldn’t I?” You ask, shrugging as if it’s the simplest thing. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

When you finish your meals, Marcus picks up both tabs, despite your protesting. “Can I walk you to your place?” He asks as you both stand and adjust your jackets.

You nod and take his hand. The lights of the city are seemingly extra dim tonight, leaving the street lights to illuminate your beautiful face as the two of you stroll along. You have all the time in the world, don’t you? It’s 1:30 in the morning. You’re both already evading sleep desperately. A little more time together can’t hurt.

His hand never leaves yours, his fingers lacing through your knuckles. You chat quietly, as if you could wake the sleeping city from the peaceful blue drone of a weeknight morning into its daily splendor of horns and hordes of speedy pedestrians.

Marcus bumps your shoulder with his, making you stumble a little to the side and laugh as you look up at his gorgeous face. His face reflects the love you’re both feeling, almost giving the city around you a pink glaze of warmth from the rose-colored glasses you must have placed over his eyes.

The walk draws to an end, as you stand at the entrance to your apartment building. Marcus’s body looks so soft and inviting, and you dare to wrap your arms around his neck and hug him to your chest. “I don’t want you to go, Agent Pancakes,” you murmur into the soft skin of his neck, which is starting to get a shadow of stubble.

Marcus kisses the top of your head. He doesn’t move either, prolonging this time you have together before he can’t see you. “I don’t want to go. I’ve never wanted to stay here more than I do now, but I have to.” His arms wrap around your waist, strong and safe.

Lifting your head, you look up at him, your noses practically touching from the proximity you share. The world feels like a bubble around you two, like some impenetrable one-way material that makes it so if Marcus leaves now, he can never come back. “Well, it’s gonna be a long time, a month or two,” you say with a sad smile. “We’ll have to begin again.”

Marcus shakes his head, his brown eyes almost welling with tears. “There’s no one else I’d want to begin again with.” With that, he looks in your eyes, the question hanging there. Wait for me?

Always, you respond silently by pressing your lips to his, kissing him slowly in the orange glow of your apartment building’s entrance. He kisses back, his lips tasting of coffee and maple and blueberry, yours tasting like chocolate and tea.

You squeeze your arms tighter around him, getting on your tiptoes to be as physically close as you can to him. He has one hand on either side of your rib cage, holding you there as he kisses back with all of the passion and love he has.

It can’t last too long or he’ll never leave. He won’t be able to. He breaks away after a few moments, his lips close to yours. He presses your foreheads together, arms encircling you again. “I have to go. I have to be at the office in an hour.”

You lift your head and your brow furrows in confusion. “Then why did you take so long to walk and eat with me?” You laugh quietly.

Marcus shrugs. “Didn’t want to leave you yet,” he admits, his eyes trained on yours. He gives you one last painfully gentle kiss. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more,” you say with a sad smile. “You’ve been my distraction lately. Whenever I’m bored, I text you.”

He sighs, the confession increasing his frown. “I’ll be in an entirely new place, without you.”

“But I’ll be here, in my same old life without you in it.”

The words punch a hole through Marcus’s heart. It’s true; he’ll have new distractions, new things to do. You’ll be here with a Marcus Pike-shaped hole in your heart. He kisses your forehead, the wheels turning in his head. “If you get a call in the next few weeks from an unknown number, be sure to answer it, okay?”

You nod and smile softly. “You need to go. Go.”

He nods and his hand squeezes yours. “I can’t wait to begin again with you.” With that, Marcus Pike, Agent Pancakes, whatever you want to call him, the man you’re highly suspecting might be your soulmate, walks off into the slightly chilly D.C. night.

-

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