#i want him to self medicate with alcohol just like we do even though he knows it's not a great solution. but sometimes there's too much pain

[munsonsmixtapes]

My hurt/comfort request:

Reader and eddie somehow survived the upside down together, despite spending time in the hospital afterward for a good few weeks. Now it's well after all that hell, but reader isn't doing well mentally. They keep pushing Eddie away, indulge in drinking far too much, and rely on pills to feel numb. But the PTSD is strong, and nightmares won't go away. Sleep is a luxury now.

One night reader risks calling Eddie while drinking, only to hang up after a few words feeling like it was a mistake. Eddie doesn't take it lightly and comes over to find reader on the floor with a bottle of alcohol, crying and shaking from their last nightmare. Comfort ensues.

Feel free to change anything if you write this!! I know it's a pretty heavy prompt but I rarely see people explore the PTSD side of things with these characters. We forget how much hell the show actually portrayed. (Apologies for the long request lol)

Thanks so much for the request, lovely! This is exactly what I was looking for!

cw: mention of PTSD, reader’s deteriorating mental heath, and abuse of both alcohol and medication, hurt/comfort

You didn’t know how you did it, but after being dragged through hell and back, you had barely escaped death in the Upside Down. Both you and your boyfriend Eddie had been experienced the most unimaginable injuries, seeking immediate help at the hospital even though you knew that they wouldn’t believe how you had gotten hurt so badly.

Both of you had spent weeks there, racking up outrages bills as you were nursed back to health. Eddie had been worse than you, though, having to be on life support, but you were definitely suffering more mentally. Even though you had escaped the Upside Down physically, you hadn’t been able to in your mind.

All of the horrific, traumatic images replayed in your head on a torturous loop that you hadn’t been able to shake. It was as if you had never left even after months of being back in the real world. You couldn’t think of anything else. Especially when it was time to go to bed. Even falling asleep next to Eddie didn’t help. You still somehow always woke up screaming.

Eddie did his best, but it was so hard to watch you fall apart right before him. The person that he loved the most was in absolute shambles and you wouldn’t let him help you. You just insisted that you were fine and told him to leave it alone whenever he suggested alternatives to your unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Instead of seeking therapy like you probably should have, you resorted to the pills you had been prescribed for your anxiety and alcohol to numb your pain. If you weren’t drinking, you were popping pills after pill, and when you were really desperate, you’d combine them, even though it said very clearly on the bottle not to mix them with alcohol.

Over time, you favored your new obsessions over your own boyfriend. You found yourself pushing him away, not wanting to hear his judgement, even though you knew very well that he’d never judge you. He just cared for you in a way no one else did and it made him sick to sit by and watch you self-sabotage.

You sat on the floor of your bathroom, surrounded by empty beer bottles, your phone right in front of you, practically begging you to call your boyfriend who you hadn’t spoken to in weeks. And it wasn’t because you didn’t want to. It was because you couldn’t. You had convinced yourself that he had been upset with you and you just didn’t want to hear it.

But you did want to hear his voice. It was one of the only things that brought you instant comfort, never failing to make all your worries fade away. You knew he would have picked up if you called so you didn’t know why you were so nervous.

You picked up the phone and used the rotary to dial his number, surprised you could do it with how drunk you were. It rang once before your picked up, Eddie’s lovely voice ringing through the phone.

“Y/n?” He asked, breathless, like he had been holding it for too long.

“Eddie,” you cried, feeling tears welling up in your eyes, desperately wishing he would hold you in his arms. You knew he would if you just asked. Why couldn’t you ask?

“Y/n, oh my god. It’s so good to hear your voice, honey. What’s wrong?”

“The nightmares-” you cut yourself off, terrified to tell him what they were really about. You felt like talking about them would make them even worse.

“What about them? Have they gotten worse?” Eddie could always somehow read your mind. Maybe that was why you worked so well together. If you were even together anymore. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he would have broken up with you because of you pushing him away. You thought you deserved it.

You didn’t know why, but you pulled the phone away from your ear and put it back on top of the rotary, scooting away from it once it rang again. You knew it was Eddie and you didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Calling him was a mistake.

You curled up and buried your face into your knees, letting out soft sobs as the nightmares flashed in your head. They were always the same. Always a reminder of the trauma you had gone through. You in Vecna’s clutches, so close to death until you found yourself in Eddie’s arms, him cradling your almost lifeless bodies in his hands, letting out wail and wail as he begged for you to come back.

You cracked open another beer and shotgunned it, before laying on the cold, hard tile, left alone with nothing but your thoughts. Nothing could fix it, nothing could save you. You were just hopeless.

The bathroom door bursted open and you sat up, startled by the sudden noise. There, in the doorway was your boyfriend Eddie, a duffle bag in his hand. He let it fall to the floor and headed toward you before dropping to the tile and pulling you into his lap.

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face into his neck, sobbing into it while he ran his hands up and down your back as a way to comfort you. He was always so good at it.

“I’m sorry I hung up on you,” you told him when you had run out of tears. He just shook his head and brought his hands up to your face, stroking your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve been going through things that people couldn’t even imagine.” Eddie knew how much you were struggling and it broke his heart that you were blaming yourself for doing what you needed to do to heal.

“But I pushed you away.” Your eyebrows furrowed and you suddenly felt silly for thinking that Eddie would have been mad at you. He couldn’t have been mad at you if he tried.

“You needed your space. I’ll always wait for you, you know that.” You did know that. He had told you those exact words time and time again, especially in the past few months, when you had been going through your darkest times.

“I-I thought you were going to break up with me.” Tears started welling up in your eyes again and Eddie was quick to wipe away the ones that fell.

“Why would I do that? I love you. Nothing could make me want to leave you. You know that, right?” Sometimes he was concerned by how much he loved you. That he would defend you even when he knew you were wrong. He was always just so desperate to be on your side.

“I do now,” you nodded then looked around at all of the empty bottles that surrounded you. You couldn’t believe that you had consumed all of that alcohol in such a short amount of time. Maybe it was time to quit and get some help. You owed that to yourself after all you had gone through. “I-I think I want to go to therapy. I’m sick of feeling this way, so empty and hollow.”

“Honey,” he pulled you into a hug before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

“You are?”

“Always,” he nodded. “Not everyone can see that they need to make changes in their life and you did. Even if it took you a minute to get there.”

“You’ll help me?” You asked, twirling a strand of his hair around your pointer finger.

“Don’t I always,” he chuckled. “Now c’mon. Let’s get you some water and then head to bed. I feel like you could really use some sleep.”

Eddie helped you up from the floor and carried you to the kitchen to get some much needed water. You looked up at him as he took you down the stairs, wondering how you had gotten so lucky as to have someone like him that was so caring and willing to help you even when you had treated him like absolute shit. You never thought that you had deserved him, but maybe after getting some help, you’d be able to work on that and realize that you really did deserve to have him in your life.

[seducemefanficsandheadcanons]

Okay so @new-tella-us posted something about everyone MCs and I decided to make a post explaining Arons lore

This is a really big post, so yap sesh ahead

Trigger warnings for alcohol and specific drug use/addiction, abuse, neglect, health conditions, death, cancer, family separation

For starters, in my canon, I gave Harold another daughter, Scarlett. Growing up, her and David were close until around junior year when she started rebelling a bit. She started staying out late and drinking, whereas David was focused on his schooling. Scarlett had a job, would leave the job and get drunk while driving around with her friends, go home and sleep for around an hour, then wake up and go to school. No one could tell her no, because she would do it anyway. The alcohol was her way of self medicating severe mental health issues, and it spiraled from there.

Her rebellious stage calmed a bit as she got older, but she never stopped doing whatever she wanted. She moved to florida as well. Over the next ten to fifteen years, she had three daughters. At this point, her relationship with David is extremely hostile. He constantly insults her and her baby daddy's, and some of those insults even go on to be about her daughters. However, Harold and her remained close. He loved his granddaughters with all of his heart and constantly was sending toys from the company for them.

Scarlett met a man named Jonathan in a bar and was immediately the two felt a spark. They got close as friends until they sparked a relationship. He was incredible with her children and had some of his own, 3 sons from a previous marriage who lived with their mother. It wasn't long before they had fallen madly in love.

To put it simply, Jonathan, along with his little sister, had a shitty upbringing. His parents were both drug addicts. His father particular was an abusive asshole. We can call him Rob, and we will call Jonathans mother Lisa.

As Jonathan got into his teem years, Rob began encouraging him and manipulating him into taking drugs with him, which led to Jonathan struggling with a drug addiction throughout his adulthood.

This is important because when Scarlett and Jonathan got together, he was an addict. Scarlett had experimented with drugs in the past. (she tried and hated marijuana. She would occasionally would take cocaine, but it was never an addiction for her, just to lose weight.)

Unfortunately, though, she thought that because she never experienced addiction with cocaine, she'd be okay to try the drugs Jonathan was taking. But as soon as she tried them, she was screwed, along with the relationship. They were so in love yet so toxic and awful to each other. People have described them as 'oil and water'. In this time, the older sisters were placed by child protective services one by one with family members from each of their fathers family. Scarlett was devastated, and the pain led her to take more drugs, furthering the spiral.

When this happened, it was brought to light just how severe her addiction had gone, and she was completely cut off by David and the rest of the family, besides Harold, who tried to get custody of the children but was denied as he was out of state.

Around this time, Scarlett becomes pregnant. This was not a planned pregnancy, but she and Jonathan were absolutely thrilled.

Oh, and to be clear, she didn't take any drugs during the pregnancy!!

When Aron was born, she was a happy and quiet baby, which led to her toddler years. She seemed healthy for the most part, and any signs of health issues seemed like it could just be normal behavior, as she wasn't old enough to properly describe pain or to know it was abnormal. Scarlett and Jonathan have another baby a few years later, another baby girl, Riley. Harold would come and visit often despite David's disapproval.

A few years after the birth of Riley, the two of them (along with her oldest sister who had moved back with then when she became pregnant) were taken by child protective services. Her oldest sister was placed back with her grandparents on her father's side, whereas Aron and Riley were placed with Jonathan's mother that we mentioned earlier, Lisa.

By now, Lisa and Rob have divorced, and Rob remarried. Both of them have recovered from their drug addictions.

I'm going to list the main places she lived, I can go more in depth for how each one was. There are many similarities because of the fact that her father's family was riddled with generational abuse and trauma.

Here's a summary for each one

Aron lived with Lisa for about 4 years. It wasn't great. They struggled with money and housing, but Lisa did what she could. In this time, Aron got very close to her aunt. (her dad's sister) This is also when Aron's health issues started. In this time, Jonathan was diagnosed with cancer. Scarlett and Jonathan also got clean from drugs.

Then, her father got custody back of her. They started going to court, and after a long time, he was finally able to get it back. (Doctors were expecting to be able to remove his tumor, and at the moment, they did not think he was terminal.) He passed away about four years later after deteriorating.

Then she lived with Rob (jonathans father) and his new wife (Sheri), and it was a complete mess. Without going into too much detail since this post is already 8 years long, I'll just say it was lots of abuse and medical neglect. Again, I will go into more detail in a future post.

She ran away consistently her teen years until she and Riley moved in with her mother, finally, who had moved back to Chicago. Still, Harold was the only one who wanted anything to do with her.

Then, at 18-20, Aron started looking for her own place, wanting to finally be independent, but her health made it difficult. She was 21 when she received the phone call that her beloved grandfather had left her his entire estate to her, along with a large portion of his money...

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Therapy Files 2: Splinters in the Water

Summary: Carmen Berzatto is the most interesting patient this psychologist has met in the city. (669 Words)

Warnings: I am not a psychologist; this is not medical advice. Swearing, mention of suicide, mention of alcoholism, mention of mental and emotional abuse, religious references. Feat. Darling (aka fem reader, though the reader could also be the psychologist).

Notes: Thank you for reading and sharing! This is a work in the Therapy Files Series and will be tagged with #cb therapy files.

Sideblog for commentary and social stuff: @m-z-shoroi

Day 1

It’s too late to be doing this right now, but here we go.

I’ve had a few cases that have stuck out so far—Chicago needs about ten million more therapists yesterday, this city is drowning under crippling mental illness—but Mr. Berzatto might be the most interesting.

He’s a disaster. A wreck of biblical proportions. He’s the broken slats of Noah’s Ark on Mount Ararat. Splinters in the water as it recedes. It’s like he’s held together by duct tape, super glue, and two prayers, this poor young man. Needs about a thousand more. I might add him to the list of patients to pray for, and I only just met him.

He looked like he was going to pass out when I called his name in the waiting room. He had a woman with him; she was holding his hand and rubbing his back. She seems sweet. He looked to her for reassurance, not unlike a small child. I feel like I recognize her, but that’s a problem for later. He was hunched up in his patchwork jacket, almost like he was trying to take up the least amount of space he could, and it wasn’t until he handed me the clipboard of his intake paperwork that I noticed his tattoos. He’s got some novels on his skin. Could be safe topics to unpack if needed. Lipstick print on the left hand, matched the shade his partner was wearing. He kept looking at it every time he locked up during the appointment. Also something safe to ask about.

PHQ-9 is 21. GAD-7 is 18. Suicide risk low; girlfriend is a protective factor. Referral to psychiatry sent.

Full clinical assessment in clinical notes; I keep getting off track with these entries.

Obvious severe anxiety, sure, but he’s softspoken, almost like he’s choking on his words as they come out. I’ll admit, he looked like he would be a difficult one. I know the type, I’ve had several. Significant other or parents or best friends force them to come to therapy hoping it’ll fix the damaged relationship they have, but because they don’t want to be there, the exercise becomes a fruitless endeavor. He’s not one of those. He admitted he needs help, but he’s not sure where to start. Admitted that the idea of therapy was unappealing to him, but that something had to change, and this would be a change. It’s unique. He’s highly logical and goal-oriented but also lacks organization and emotional development. Wavers between extremely attentive and absent. Alcoholic mother, absent father, addict brother who was a suicide victim, high-stress job, mental and emotional abuse. But warm. Vulnerable in his nature. A child forced to be an adult too soon, but more comfortable in that adulthood, even if he lacks the legs for it. Odd.

This kid’s got a lot of skeletons in his closet.

He has the bluest eyes I have ever seen in my life. I don't know if they're real or contacts. I'm tempted to say real because, with the state he is in, I doubt he'd want to put in bright blue contacts, but I'll have to gather more information—could be part of the masking. His hair is a mess, too. It's somehow dry and greasy at the same time, curly, wavy, kinky, some random ramen noodle shapes by his temples because he drags his fingers through it repeatedly. Seems to be a nervous tic. Couldn't hold still. He was uninterested in any of the fidgets I had available.

Prominent stammer. Wouldn't hold eye contact when speaking but held it when listening. Self-soothing face touching. Jerky movements. Mask-like flat expression. Looked tired. Looked like his soul was tired, the kind of tired I’d expect in a middle-aged mother of 4 teenage children, not someone in their mid-20s. Heightened sensitivity to sound and light. Anxious about sitting with his back to the door. It took him too long to answer basic questions—overthinking? Anxiety? Guarded? Why not all 3?

Likely all 3.

Trauma referral sent.

Appointments once a week scheduled for the next 3 months.

So, why the fuck can’t I sleep?

[reikiajakoiranruohoja]

PSN2: How to write a mature narrative

In this age of progressive content and boundary-pushing, there is still something missing. Most of the boundary-pushing media is made for children and the media trying to be adult tends to sadly fall into the South Park trap of excess.

Enter Psychonauts 2 and I’d say one of the most mature story arcs I have ever seen depicted. Especially as this story arc has no right answer or an easy solution.

The Maligula story from start to finish has this feeling of regret and every character (minus poor Helmut) messed up in it.

To start with Lucrecia opened her mind and destroyed most of the mechanisms protecting it. That isn't bad, it was a time of experimentation. But when her country was invaded and her husband was killed? She left without rebuilding her mental defences. Yet the most important part of this is that she left at all, considering she must have known Grulovia was a shithole. Lucrecia could have taken her sister and her spouse from the country and emigrated to America.

She didn't, though. Because as flawed as it was, Grulovia was her home. Her family had lived there for generations, they had a history there. So she rushed back home to defend it. Being one of the foremost experts in her field, she became a great asset in the war. Which eventually netted her a high political position, because dystopias are nothing if not pragmatic. Morally speaking, this was not a good choice. Lucrecia was supporting a tyranny as its punishing arm. Yet, this is a choice people often make in situations like this. Grulovia was invaded once, it could be invaded again. People who have faced a defensive war often feel the need to be on their toes, even generations later.

Lucrecia ending up murdering her sister adds to the moral greyness. She did not want to do it, it was an accident. But by that point, her choices had let her into a mental state that was just waiting to explode. Maligula choosing to just drown the whole country makes a twisted amount of sense. The Gzar's orders led to the death of her sister, the country was not getting better.

So screw everyone equally, they deserve to drown.

This alone is a very mature storyline, as it showcases how a person can end up the way Lucrecia did. Many have ended up becoming monsters in similar situations in real life. Minus the psychic powers of course.

Then we come to the fallout of Maligula and how it hurt her friends. How Ford, in a desperate attempt to 'fix' things, ended up creating a massive lie and something that would affect Lucrecia's family generations later. The Hand of Galochio serves as a great stand-in for generational trauma.

He ended up hurting Helmut too since he left the poor guy's brain chilling in the Astralade without even a note stating it was Helmut's brain.

The narrative lets Ford's actions stand for themselves. Was he in the right? Was there another way? The game does not say, because to offer a solution would undermine the story's point. Sometimes, people do awful things with good intentions. Sometimes, there is no right choice but a bunch of bad ones and you must choose one.

 Sometimes, people cannot recover from such trauma. Compton was already a nervous wreck, seeing his friend become a monster was the last straw for him. Bob lost his husband and was already self-medicating with alcohol. Cassie could not figure out the role she should play. Ford destroyed his mind from the shame. Otto was the only one who kept on going, I guess he had better coping mechanisms than his friends.

On top of all of this, the person who ended up rekindling the conflict? A spoiled rotten rich boy who could not accept even a little loss of status.

The maturity of this storyline shows up in all its aspects. The choices the characters make and why they make them are sadly very realistic. The fact that the team split up and could not cope is sad but it happens. The complete lack of any 'golden ending' or an easy way out for the characters shows how intentional this was.

This is how to do a mature narrative right.

[mishibashimori]

Two Of Us || Cecil Stedman x Reader || Chapter 4

Synopsis: You are an alien who crash landed onto Earth. You have no name, and no more home to go back to. The Guardians of the Globe have rescued you and brought you to get intensive care under the great Cecil Stedman. In helping out your new home, Earth, will you develop a relationship with the coldest man you know?

General Info: AFAB Gender Neutral Reader, Cecil is Younger in the Beginning and it Will Lead to Current Events, Reader is a Bubbly Optimist, Reader Description is Intentionally Vague so You can Imagine the Alien Species They Are However You’d Like

TW: Verbal and Physical Past Abuse, Failed Pregnancy Mentions, Depression, Self Depreciation, Eventual Sexual Content.

—————————

“You were right Cecil,” you mumbled over a bite of ice cream, “this stuff is amazing.”

“Told you.” He chuckled, dumping more into his bowl. After getting patched up, Cecil had made good on his promise to have some well deserved ice cream with you. The gash across your chest still stung to high heavens, but it felt much better now that it was given proper medical attention. It was hardly on your mind though, as you shoved another scoop of ice cream in your mouth.

“On my planet all we had were vegetables, grown from large gardens.” You took your spoon from your mouth and pointed it at Cecil. “You have made my day revolutionary, Cecil Stedman.”

“That sounds like hell. I’m a sucker for sweets.” He reached over to a bottle of scotch he brought as well, popping off the top and filling his glass. “Sweets and alcohol.”

“Alcohol I’m definitely familiar with,” you grabbed the bottle as he offered it to you, pouring your own glass. “I’d bet there’s not an inhabited planet in our solar system that doesn’t have alcohol.”

“How much are you willing to put on that?” Cecil leaned forward, a smirk on his face. You tapped a finger on your chin, pretending to be in deep thought. Suddenly, a drunken idea popped into your head.

“You know that thing you can do where you disappear in lightning? Can you teach me to do that?”

Cecil laughed, clearly a bit tipsy. “You mean my teleporter? Yeah I can teach you. It’s just this device on my wrist.” He held out his hand to show you. “You get one destination to teleport to, deal?”

“Deal!” You bounced in your chair a bit, leaning forward so that you and him were dramatically face to face. “What do you want?”

“You do my paperwork for a week.” He took a swig of his scotch. “If I have to fill out one more form, I might just explode myself.” Both of you erupted into drunken chortles.

“Okay, deal.” You said determinedly, a laugh still in your voice. Before you respond further, you swig your entire glass of scotch. “I can’t promise I’ll do it right but I’ll try.” You began to stand, then paused. “But, wait, how are we gonna figure this out?”

Cecil leaned back in his chair, gesturing to himself grandly. “You happen to be talking to the director of the GDA, my alien friend.” You quirked your eyebrow at him, acting unimpressed.

“Meaning?” You prompted.

Cecil stood and gestured for you to follow. The two of you slipped out the door of your home and almost comically slunk down the dark and quiet halls of the GDA building. In your slightly drunk state, your coordination was more than a bit slow to say the least, as was your companion’s. The result of this hilarious conundrum is you two relentlessly giggling and bumping into each other as you finally close in on the room Cecil was leading you to.

He turned the knob to the door, opening it and motioning for you to go first. As you did, the lights flicked on and the room blazed with computer screens. “Ouch! That’s bright.” As your eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness, you saw Cecil wobble over to a particular computer and start typing. Even drunk, he still had that stern and focused expression as he scanned the monitor.

“You know what I just realized?” Cecil spoke suddenly, startling you. Embarrassingly, you admit to yourself that you’d been staring.

“What?” You respond, making your way to him and leaning over his shoulder to look at the screen.

“You don’t have a name.” He glanced towards you.

“You knew that.” You laugh, wondering where he was going with this.

“Yeah but— we haven’t been calling you a name. For like, six months.” It was weird hearing him speak so relaxedly. Usually he was composed, formal. You couldn’t help but smile.

“Do you have any suggestions?” You ask, trying to keep your eyes on the computer. The buzz of alcohol in your mind and the warmth of Cecil next to you was making it hard to concentrate.

“I do,” he stated matter of factly, “Rookie.”

Your mind hazily contemplated the name. It was short and fun to say. “I like it. Does it have a meaning?”

“Yeah, it means like a— a new recruit.” He laughed, obviously pleased with himself. “Thought it was pretty fitting.” Suddenly the monitor flashed to a new screen, and a list of strange names with pictures of planets popped up. “Aha!” Cecil exclaimed, swiveling in the computer chair to give you a better view.

“Okay, let’s see here.” You squeezed in next to Cecil and leaned over to grab the mouse, scrolling down and scanning the screen. “Inhabited: Contains Alcohol. Inhabited: Contains Alcohol.” You read off description after description of the planets aloud. Quirking your head, you glance at Cecil. “Why do you have this information anyway?”

Cecil gave a shrug and a sloppy smile, “we’re the government, s’our job to know.” You snorted in amusement and put your foot on the seat of his computer chair, shoving him back a few inches. “Hey!” He exclaimed with a chuckle, slumping into the backrest.

“Well according to the data on the screen mister president of the GDA, I won the bet.” You crossed your arms over your chest triumphantly, waggling your eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved his hand dismissively at you as he stood. Walking over, he unclasped the teleportation device around his wrist and fastened it onto yours. His hands lingered on yours for a moment longer than necessary before he put them in his pockets. “I haven’t had fun like this in years.” He murmured, almost to himself. “Getting drunk and sneaking around headquarters… Something I thought I’d never do, but here I am having a nice evening for the first time in a long while.” He glanced up, meeting your curious gaze. “All because of you.”

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or his words, but your face flushed. Words failed to come to your drunken brain as you just looked at each other for a few moments in silence. Eventually Cecil cleared his throat, rubbing his neck bashfully. “Anyway,” he stated, walking over and shutting the computers down, “we should get some rest.” He opened the door for you once more, and you shuffled through.

The walk to your room was in comfortable silence, though butterflies fluttered in your chest. You wanted to say that you enjoyed his time just as much, that you wish you could be closer to him, but it just seemed to shrivel on your tongue. Somehow, you thought, it seemed he already knew your sentiments, even if you couldn’t voice them at the moment. You’d told him enough times before, it certainly hadn’t changed now.

As the two of you finally reached your door, you turned to Cecil, a big smile on your face. “Goodnight Cecil. This was fun.”

As he looked at you, you noticed his eyes were glazed over with tiredness and booze. There was a good chance he wouldn’t remember a lot of this tomorrow. “Night, Rookie.” With a wobbly turn on his heel, he set off down the dark hallways as you turned to enter your home.

Throwing yourself in your bed, you floundered in the soft, plush blankets to get some semblance of them over your body. Settling on your mediocre job of blanket coverage, it didn’t take long for you to slip into a deep, drunken doze.

—————

Disclaimer:

I try to be as accurate as possible to the source material for this fan fiction, but at times I’ll get it wrong. The timelines for the Guardians of the Globe as well as Cecil are not as accurate as they should be but for the sake of wanting to have all the characters in here I fudged it. Just know that I understand not everything is accurate but let’s just try to have a good time regardless!

[millyhelp]

Hi, love your work. I never come into anon boxes but I just felt somewhat strongly about your last opinions post.

I respect your opinion about Jason not using drugs a lot, but I believe that it wouldn't be "traumatic" for him. What I know is that Jason was young when all of that happened, sure he could be traumatized by his mother and the things she did but that doesn't mean he would be "traumatized" by drugs and alcohol in general. I'm just saying that as my personal experience because I come from a family of substance abusers and I'll smoke a little weed or drink time for time, but the most it's done for me is teach me about limits and self control.

I've been traumatized by more of my family's actions than the drugs itself. I can say that possibly, maybe , Jason would swear off ever smoking and drinking(a lot of children of substance abusers do or it's a choice thing), but seeing that he was so young and understanding Jason. Imo, he would probably find more of an understanding of why his mom did it and just practice self control.

That being said, I just wanted to share my opinion because of my personal experiences but I appreciate you being open and wanting to express your own. I hope this doesn't seem backhanded or anything because I love your work and I mean this all with good vibes and intentions!! 💕💕

Hey anon! Thank you for coming and sharing your personal opinion 🫰🏻

I just want to remind you that here is a safe space to say your opinion without being judged.

My opinion was also given as a matter of personal experience. Since you told your version, you can see that people react and act to trauma differently. And I will tell you why.

But I went through something very bad related to drugs (mainly weed) and that made me not want to have contact with them to use them.

My brother was almost killed because of this, and honestly, it's not something I like. The same thing with alcoholic drinks (I sometimes drink them but I don't like them and I avoid them a lot), depressant medications are also an option, my mum have problems with this, I hate them and I don't take them even when I need them. (I prefer to resort to therapy as I always have). I respect that prople that need to take them, but I don't like them one bit.

I've been in the therapy process and I say this because I don't deal well with my traumas linked to these things... so that's why my opinion was that. But since you told me yours we can take it into consideration.

But I completely respect your opinion and I respect the way you deal with your traumas.

I have an open mind, and since Jason is a fictional character (😭) we can add whatever we want to our hcs. It's your preference whether he smokes weed or not. But on a personal level, for me it doesn't work and I can't write about it cuz gives me trigger and I get uncomfortable.

One of the things that even though I don't like it very much but I agree with when I see people talking about it, is Jason smoking tobacco cigarettes.

For me, the only Jason who would smoke weed would be Frat!Jason AU (This is one I created when some anon sent me an ask)

Anyway, thank u sm to bring it here and tell your opinion! It really was my opinion very poorly, I should have explained why I have that opinion.

Love you and again, thank you!🫰🏻

I love talking about deep things.

[blackrabb1t]

Various Genshin Impact Headcanons (and Why I Have Them)

- Some of these might not actually have an explanation or a mini drabble - content warnings: drugs/drug mention, Archon Quest spoilers, Traveler is stated to be Lumine (only because i play as her), hints of angst - ship mentions: heikaveh, zhongchi - None of these are listed in any particular order - This list will be constantly edited and updated - This list is also long as FUCK

• Alhaitham actually doesn't like black coffee.

He always orders 2 coffees, though. One black, the other with enough sugar it really could barely even be considered coffee anymore. Both cups will be taken to his office at the Akademiya, and sometimes a passing scholar might see Master Kaveh of Kshahrewar leaving the Scribe's office with the extra coffee cup. However what they all fail to notice, is that Kaveh's cup isn't the one that contains an excess of caramel and chocolate syrups, whipped creams, and sugar, like one would assume. That cup remains remains with Alhaitham. It's his, after all.

• Dendro users can control their own/another's psychoactivity

okay i know this one is WILD but stfu and hear me out. so, most alcohols are made with fermented grains and fruits, there's an entire wiki page on psychoactive plants/mushrooms, can you see where im going with this. Dendro users (namely Tighnari bc face it, that one dude in his character demo was lit like a mfn christmas tree, and tbh so was he) can either sober themselves up or induce a hallucinogen (severity and effect varies on who and what the purpose is for) when needed

• Anemo users can control their own oxygen levels

i actually saw this one somewhere else (i think somebody else did a think piece on other ways Vision holders can use and control their elements) and i just wrote it into my understanding of how Teyvat works and then i remembered that while yes, we do get the 15% stamina reduction, no, it is not stated anywhere in game that Anemo users never get muscle exhaustion due to lack of oxygen in the bloodstream.

• Certain Hydro users can control blood

Those users being Tartaglia, Kokomi, and Barbara. Tartaglia bc fucking DUH, Kokomi bc she WAS a leading figure in the Inazuman Civil War (lbr, Kokomi deserves a little more violence in her life. i mean look at her), and Barbara learned as a medical thing, in case someone needed to keep blood flow going, and to help find veins for things like IVs or vaccines.

• Mona went to the Akademiya as a Rtawahist scholar

It only lasted MAYBE 8 months, but she was there. If you didn't see Layla's name in the top spot after exams, it was more than likely Mona's until she left for Mondstadt.

• The exams at the Akademiya are on a month by month basis

Because there are so many people going in and out and doing self-studies at the Akademiya, it wouldn't make sense for exams to be on a quarter by quarter basis, so they're done at the end of every month instead.

• Kaveh actually does know about what happened in Sumeru City

Cyno initially told him that there was trouble, and he was searching for Alhaitham. Kaveh wasn't able to leave his project in the desert to help, but thankfully, Candace gave him a run down on the plan and everything that followed when he returned to Aaru Village in preparation for returning to Sumeru City. During the library scene, yes, Kaveh already knew, but he wanted to hear AH's version of the events. Meanwhile, Alhaitham is being difficult because he doesn't want Kaveh to worry over a certain plot event. (He could just leave it out, however Kaveh always knows when he lies.)

• No one knew about Alhaitham using the Divine Knowledge Capsule in the Grand Sage's Office

canon can say they knew all it wants, you'll pry the angst of when this goes sideways out of my cold lifeless hands

• Klee is the in-game reason why we haven't seen Dornman Port or the Dandelion Sea yet

She accidentally blew up the connecting mountain to Dornman Port while fish blasting, and the Dandelion Sea resides further north (meta reasoning is we return to Mondstadt at some point before the Khaenri'ah chapter, and that'll open up this area)

• Tartaglia is actually a really good healer

He learned because he didn't want his younger siblings to worry if he came home with an unexplainable amount of scars, but no one else in the Fatui believes him when he says he's a good healer bc of how he acts on a battlefield (you know that one scene from Sailor Moon where Usagi is like "i got a C+ in first aid!"? that's him)

• Tartaglia is extremely good at wood carving

There was a little truth to the toy seller "lie". He might not be the best, but he does sell a lot of wood carvings for children. The carvings are especially popular in both Liyue and Sumeru.

• Alhaitham and Nahida both find Cyno's jokes funny

Alhaitham doesn't outwardly laugh, but he's losing his mind on the inside, but Nahida is just a ball of giggles for a good thirty seconds following.

• Flowers grow around Dendro users according to their emotions or location

It's best seen with Catalyst users (ie. flora grows under Nahida wherever she walks, qingxin and violetgrass grow in Baizhu's hair whenever he's in Qingce Village), but Yaoyao usually has a few silk flowers and qingxin in her hair, Kaveh has been seen with a crown of Nilotpala Lotus and Padisarah on multiple occasions (especially around the Palace of Alcazarzaray), and Alhaitham has been caught with a Kalpalata Lotus once or twice.

• Kaveh is the reincarnation of the Goddess of Flowers/Alhaitham is the reincarnation of King Deshret

it's a popular theory and it's just. ingrained into my understanding of Teyvat now lmao

• Baizhu is at least part Adeptus

i just. i have a feeling. Changsheng is there for a reason, Changsheng TALKS for a reason.

• All of the regulars at Angel's Share knows that Venti is Barbatos.

no bc what the fuck do you mean the twink is drinking Grand Master Varka under the table??? and he's still standing??? is is liver okay???? (Venti also let it slip a few times)

• Everyone in Liyue Harbor knows that Zhongli is Rex Lapis.

you can't tell me no one in the harbor read Rex Incognito and didn't go "hm. this kinda sounds familiar. oh yeah! this reminds me of the consultant at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!" that is not statistically possible. (Everyone at Wanmin was subjected to a very awkward conversation between Tartaglia and Zhongli after Signora left Liyue.)

• The Fairy Floss Incidents™

- Klee is not allowed to have any by order of Acting Grand Master Jean Gunnhildr. (Klee almost collapsed Stone Gate while fish blasting until Diluc found her.) - Lumine got a recipe for it in Fontaine and offered to make some for Xiao, but he denied vehemently (Childe offered him some when he was visiting Zhongli and has thought it was something dangerous ever since) - Xiangling has yet to find a suitable recipe including fairy floss since it dissolves in liquids almost immediately. - Shogun hates it, Ei LOVES it, yes, this has caused multiple arguments within the Plane of Euthymia (Scaramouche despises the stuff, but becomes indifferent towards it after becoming the Wanderer.) - Nahida is no longer allowed to have it in large amounts by order of Acting Grand Sage Alhaitham and General Mahamatra Cyno.

• Jean and Barbara actually do have a good relationship with each other

let them be sisters, hoyoverse.

• Jean actually does know about Albert.

The only reason she hasn't done anything yet is because Barbara asked her not to, unless it escalates. However, Jean does have Kaeya monitoring the situation. (Kaeya was busy in meetings during that one ending in Barbara's Hangout [Untimely Enthusiasm] and she had asked Lumine not to tell Jean.)

• Kaeya and Diluc have forgiven each other but they have yet to forgive themselves.

LET THEM BE BROTHERS, HOYOVERSE.

• Jean got her Vision first.

• Jean actually does know about the argument between Diluc and Kaeya.

It's hard. It's hard not asking questions when you hear an explosion. A large one, one that you hope is only the little Spark Knight, but it can't be, because you know she was currently traveling with her mother through Liyue. Not asking questions becomes even harder when you find one of your closest friends sitting as if the world just broke underneath him with shards of ice and hints and trails of frostbitten skin on his left arm. It's exponentially harder when you find the answer to some of those questions shattered in a corner somewhere, nursing burn scars up and down his right side and a newly acquired Cryo Vision. And so, her first reaction is to heal. Heal what she can, and support the foundations of what she currently can't. Her second reaction is to seek answers. She seeks the answers, and she heals, and she puts the puzzle pieces together. But suddenly, one drops off the face of Teyvat, frostbitten and a heart full of fire and anger. She is left with the other, burned and a heart full of ice and sadness. It’s hard. It’s hard to move forward, and to heal two broken and hurting hearts, but she is Jean Gunnhildr, the Dandelion Knight of Mondstadt. And to heal and protect is her ambition.

• Kaeya has never seen a horse in real life.

There are no horses in Khaenri'ah and by the time Kaeya was in a high enough position to really be around them constantly, Varka had taken all of the cavalry on the expedition. (Jean went through with naming Kaeya the Cavalry Captain so she can ask for his help in an official unofficial capacity since the Knights of Favonius didn't [and still doesn't] have an espionage division.) To this day, Kaeya still thinks horses are something Diluc made up to mess with him.

• Raiden Shogun and Scaramouche have ball joints.

PLEASE

[crash-bump-bring-the-whump]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

AWW YOU AND @whumperofworlds both sent me this!!

Okay okay now I have to THINK. So this is in no particular order but here we go! Each piece has its TWs and a little snippet from it c:

1: BTHB 2023 - Near-Death Experience

TWs: car accident, near-death experience, panic attacks Time seemed to slow down as Bastian tried to scramble backwards, his own boots betraying him. He slipped after only a step or two, his feet disappearing out from beneath him as he fell towards the otherwise empty street. The van hit the curb with a bang and tipped, still hurtling towards Mariano roof-first. He hadn’t moved.

2: Mariano and Dimitri's Co-captives Arc (Here is part one)

TWs: Broken bones, kidnapping, torture, captivity “Mm.” Dimitri hummed, rolling his eyes. “I have to be if you’ve gotten so soft. Plus you’re bad at that, too, so I have to pick up the slack.”   Mariano frowned, looking at Dimitri. “You haven’t seen me beg for someone in years, you don’t know that. I’ve gotten way better at begging.” Dimitri rolled his eyes. “You’re the flattest person I’ve ever talked to. And I’ve known Izan for a long time.” He shot back. 

3: War Mage Vignettes

TWs: stitches, alcohol, discussion of being shot in the head, near death experiences Dimitri shot a glare at their medic from his post at the doorway of their dim room. “We’re not going to die here.” He hissed. “I don’t care that this was a fucking trap. We don’t die.” Laredo nodded. “Remember? A war mage isn’t dead until there are two bullets in his brain.” Izan hummed. “I still think one is enough for that. I don’t think I’d want to fight after getting shot in the head, at all.” “I would.” Dimitri growled.

4: BTHB 2023 - Possession (Andrew and Tobias belong to @whumpr / @brinkofdiscovery!!

TWs: Possession “Hey, this isn’t funny.” Andrew said, forcing a nervous laugh anyway. “That wasn’t cool. C'mon.” This time, when Andrew tried to step into the room, William lunged for the door. He threw himself to the floor with a snarl before grabbing his own wrist and tugging it to his chest. “Don’t come in, please.” William’s voice broke as he whined and pressed his face into the filthy tile floor. “Don’t–it, it wants–” One hand wound into his own hair, tugging harsh enough to rip some out alongside a yelp. Elliot felt like he was suffocating. “Guys, I don’t think he’s joking.” Not even Andrew could’ve been committed enough to this bit to pull out hair, much less William. What did they even do now? William was the one who’d even brought anti-ghost shit.

5: A Month of Whump's March Trope-a-Thon Day 1 - Environmental / Snowstorm

TWs: hypothermia, non-sexual nudity Bastian growled to himself as he skidded down the rocks that Mariano had tumbled down. They hadn’t expected the path to give that far away from the edge, and Mariano hadn’t even had a chance to shout before he was swept away. “I swear to god, if he’s an icicle when I get there, I’ll let him freeze.” As the temperature kept dropping and the snow kept falling, though, Bastian had to accept that he was just complaining. He could feel the tug in his chest getting more urgent. The presence that Mariano’s magic held got weaker, sleepier. It curled up smaller and smaller, starting to flicker. When it began to fade, Bastian started running. He barrelled through snowy trees, crashed through brush, and finally, finally, it felt like he was getting close. Ripping through low hanging branches, Bastian’s heart just about stopped when he stumbled into a clearing. “Mariano!”

[room-surprise]

One thing I want to add is that, I think Kabru is able to treat Mithrun like a person for three specific reasons:

Kabru is used to being dehumanized by everyone (the villagers of Utaya for his blue eyes and bastard status, the elves, dwarves and gnomes for being a tall-man, everyone else for being a foreigner from the west), so he refuses to treat others that way. He loves people and wants to be good and kind to them.

He's aware of the intense ableism of elven society and can instantly guess exactly how Mithrun has been treated all this time. He obviously thinks to himself "nobody has even TRIED to help him, they've just given up on him. I'm going to do my best, maybe I can get through to him with a little bit of effort and basic human kindness." Kabru goes out of his way to be kind and gentle with Mithrun even though there is absolutely no benefit to him... and we can see that this works INCREDIBLY well, after 6 days Mithrun is doing much better (Lycion notices his hair is shinier), and he then immediately turns around and asks Kabru what HE wants to do when it's time for a decision to be made. Kabru reached out to Mithrun with kindness, and Mithrun responds with trust and respect in return. This is huge. The other canaries are SHOCKED when this happens, they clearly didn't think it was possible.

Kabru, having survived Utaya, most likely has PTSD and went through an intense period of trauma, depression and grieving. I'd argue that he's still in it, and has just learned to cope around his depression and grief, as evidenced by him self-medicating with alcohol (drinking alcohol to go to sleep is textbook alcoholism) and being bad at taking care of himself. He personally knows what it's like to wake up in the morning and not want anything. He's managed to push himself out of that pit, and he wants to help Mithrun do the same. Giving Mithrun tasks to do, and goals to reach that aren't just "get revenge" is Kabru trying to help Mithrun get past that first, difficult hurdle, the inertia of a deep, long depression... Something Kabru has no doubt done himself.

In your Mithrun analysis, when you say “maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.” who is the ‘someone’ in your mind? Milsiril? Kabru and the canaries? I loved your analysis, so I’m curious

OH kabru absolutely

milsiril spared him and, decades later, helped him with his physical rehabilitation, but it seems like she more or less gave up on his personhood. no more desires -> no more mithrun as we knew him -> no more mithrun. she spared him because he wasn’t completely devoid of motivation to live, and she used the single motivator he had left to eventually get him to keep himself alive, and she briefly even seemed to want to try and instill some of his old mask (even with the understanding that that’s what it was) back into him, but that fell through immediately and i think with it went her optimism that mithrun would ever… be a person again. “too late now, i guess.”

then the canaries are on good enough terms with him, but they’re practically instructed to treat him like a weapon or a tool they’re maintaining. i believe it’s cithis that tells kabru to take care of mithrun but clarifies that really what that is is just making sure he eats. ensuring his baseline needs for survival are met. and really, that’s all she was ever tasked with. when it’s all over and mithrun is cataleptic, the canaries stay physically near him, but they seem to have accepted that he’s gone—without the demon to chase, he has nothing to live for. cithis, though, seems to be closer to mithrun than any of the others, and i don’t think it’s a coincidence that she’s the one who calls lycion off and encourages kabru to try engaging with him when she hears the beginning of what he has to say.

this post caught a lot of my opinions regarding mithrun’s relationships (linking to my reblog of it because i dumped some thoughts in the tags) but tldr i do think milsiril and the canaries fall short of thinking of mithrun as a person, and that’s why their relationships with him fail him somewhat. i don’t think that’s their fault, because it seems like they were taught to think of losing your desires as a complete loss of self and humanity, but it does mean they see mithrun as someone who has already been lost. kabru is demonstrably different in that he’s able to help mithrun see a future beyond the demon, and he’s able to do it because he deals with mithrun like he’s human. because he is. and all of that stems from the specific aspect of kabru’s personality that is his obsession with people

[dionysus-philosophy]

I'm basically screaming out to the void on this one. This is technically a vent where I accept criticisms and advice.

TW/CW: Mentions of abuse, violence, manipulation, general relationship conflict, mentions of suicide attempt and suicide in general, self harm, slurs, overdose, threats, mentions of ejaculation, sexual topics and acts, substance abuse, mild cussing, generally triggering content

Tags have been added to for those looking to block certain tags

Do not read if any of these topics trigger you!

My partner and I are polyamorous and we have been together for over 5 years. I have no partners (by choice because Im focusing on my self-growth) at the moment, and my partner has a few. One of them lives with us. It started under weird circumstances last summer that led to us inviting him to come live with us because he lived in a homeless shelter and was getting aggressive with other people. Whether you believe in the metaphysical or not, I have always had a tried and true intuition that was telling me that maybe we shouldn't allow him to live with us, but I can't argue that he shouldn't have housing because of a gut feeling (even though it's never incorrect), and leaving a fellow trans person on the streets left a bad taste in my mouth, so I allowed it.

Little run down of this person: he has a laundry list of conditions, including but not limited to BPD, bipolar disorder, kleptomania, autism, hallucinations, etc. He acts like a 15 year old at 21 and can never handle conflict, regardless if he's on his meds or talking with a therapist. He will also often twist whatever happened in a conflict to make himself look like the victim if he talks with a therapist or friends (only the ones we're not friends with) and they end up giving the wrong advice as a result and it just furthers the conflict. He is absolutely addicted to weed and alcohol (most times he takes them together) to the point of willing to deal with seizures to cope with shit his meds would have helped with because he developed a sensitivity to THC for a bit. I believe his addiction to weed has influenced his brain to the point of actual concern. He is a major hypocrite and knows this. He also downplays or outright denies my disabilities, what words are slurs, and what my upbringing was like. He yelled at me that spaz was not a slur when I, someone who has been called that a lot, said that it was. He is quick to use slurs in general, especially retard, despite my boundary of not saying that around me, but gets mad if I say it, despite being on the spectrum, too. He's even denied my transness because I am not so desperate to kill myself like he has been before (even though he missed the 8 horrible years of me being trans in public school with closed-minded parents where I actually almost did commit suicide because i felt alone and like i wasnt enough), am not on testosterone, and I'm generally fine being a bit more femme, even though I've said I kind of identify with the term twink to describe myself.

To make a long story short, he has repeatedly abused my partner in every possible way. My partner has risked harm to himself to try keeping this person alive because he has consistent refused to prioritize his medications in favor of testosterone (even though he has a great voice and passes well already, which is his main concern). We have kept him from cutting, from overdosing on medication, from setting himself on fire when we took the meds away, and hiding knives before he takes them and hides them for later use against us. This person has threatened violence against my partner and I, including threatening my partner with a knife (and admitting he did so to scare him, not because he actually wanted to hurt him). The ER doctor advised us to stay at a friend's house one night. This was when he sliced his hand open when trying to take back the knife he threatened my partner with, and we had to convince him to go because he refused to initially. When we honestly told the doctor that he tried to kill himself, that he was stopped, but injured himself with the knife he threatened to kill my partner with, he said they couldn't hold him unless he had intent to actually kill himself or hurt someone else while he was there, so that if he was returned home, we should stay at a friend's house. However, this person booked it when he could and then said the only way we were finding him was as a corpse. That was enough to put him in holding when he complied when found later. He does not respect the boundaries that he agreed to. The episode that resulted in a cut hand was over whether or not my partner came in me or not (weird thing to obsess over, especially when he could have asked me because he knows I don't lie and that I hate lying). And now, because I mentioned that I felt secure in myself in not needing hookups, he has completely acted out like a child. Sure, I said that, but more out of what the conversation was about and stating a fact about myself. There was no meaning behind it, and I never meant for it to come off a certain way. He first pretended like everything was fine and then bitched to my partner for hours about what i said, including using aggressive language in regards to me. And in all of the hypotheticals and past (resolved) problems he decided to bring up, he threatened violence against me, both for himself and to see how my partner would react. My partner is discouraging any violence, but refuses to take sides because this isn't his conflict and he doesn't want his partner to think that he is picking a side (because he has threatened suicide or violence if he even thinks that my partner doesn't agree with him).

I'm exhausted.

In the year I've known him, I'm seeing actual patterns of abuse, noticing that he does these things intentionally, having my own mother and friends (both with and without similar conditions) advise that he either needs to heal and do better or my partner will have to leave him for our safety. Even my partner is thinking of ending our lease early and going as far as moving to a different part of the country, if not just finding a different apartment and ending things with this person. The friends with BPD and bipolar are HORRIFIED of all the stuff they've either witnessed or heard me tell them. I wish I trusted my gut feeling more to set my foot down and I am angry every single day that my partner has to deal with this BS and there's nothing I can do to help him (at least not in a way that is actually productive). I try to be understanding of his conditions, and I know that especially with BPD, what looks like manipulation and abuse are often just trauma responses that they need help managing, but it's becoming too much. I'm tired of the abuse, the lying, the manipulation. I'm so fucking tired. My partner put himself in massive amounts of debt to find a better place after getting screwed over by a different landlord and has never asked this person for any repayment. He has even offered to pay for this person's entire trip back to his original state to stay with a friend because he will often act like he's breaking up with my partner, but when my partner does everything to try and accommodate his feelings and take on every moving cost to keep him from attempting suicide once he's settled, he'll turn it around and act as if my partner is trying to break up with him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm done with the mind games, I'm tired of seeing my partner be spent to his last thread trying to help this person only for all our efforts to be in vain because he cannot do the bare minimum when we give him so many opportunities to go to therapy, get back on his meds, and better cope with his conditions. I try to remind myself that when he is doing these things, it's not what he truly thinks or wants to do, but we can't keep doing this especially when he has admitted to doing abusive things intentionally, and my partner refuses to prioritize his well-being. All abuse resources often give advice relating to "average" people and none for when a person's mental problems are worse than just depression. Does anyone know what to do? I'm at my wits end here, and I'm genuinely lost.

[thirsty-4-ghouls]

More sole survivor headcanons (at least for my own little fish freak)

LONG POST

might even add more later, when people aren’t trying to talk to me.

She cannot travel alone. She will get twitchy and more on edge and start to think about things she doesn’t want to think about. Closest thing she has to therapy is trauma dumping on curie and she feels bad about doing that.

She lost pretty much everyone except codsworth in a DAY, she’s scared of being alone again and afraid of loss. She knew something was wrong with her the moment she found herself ready to attack and hide from any noise she heard before finding codsworth, but she thought it was because she didn’t have her medication anymore. She started to think it might be something new in addition to her past issues when she first tried to go somewhere alone, just for a bit, and started to feel like a feral cat who was cornered.

She has nightmares and insomnia.

Once she learned that some people survived as ghouls a small part of her brain has keept thinking about how she doesn’t really know what happened to her parents and siblings because she had moved to a different part of the country for school and marriage. The voice at the back of her mind keeps reminding her that someone might still be alive back there, what we would call states away, but the map was different for her.

She already had a history with depression and anxiety, this made things both easier and harder. She already knew some behavioral therapy, but was now unmedicated and had just experienced even worse trauma.

She barely ate or slept until they found kellogg and after realizing she didn’t have anything to chase, no hints or trails, she finally fell apart. That was her rock bottom and she wouldn’t leave ANY of her friends (and family, codsworth you are oldest fam alive, complicated then future dynamic with Shaun the first excluded) for longer than it took to use the bathroom. That was understandably annoying for her new friends but she started to get at least a little more put together as she made more friends and any progress on finding her son. She latched on to nick in a particularly interesting way. seeing him as a sort of father figure.

After killing Kellogg she struggled with trying to avoid alcoholism. She knew her family had a history of addiction and was scared of getting it herself. She knows how easy it is to use drugs as an escape, to self medicate, because her own brother struggled with it. It makes her more sensitive to the topic. She’s also had friends who had less than healthy coping mechanisms pre-war, regardless of her field of work, I mean, she could have been a defense attorney (I haven’t decided. It would be funny with her seeing nick as a dad though XD) Supporting people who have problems with it also reminds her of her family (in a really sad way). She’s even more scared of having it herself because she no longer gets her prescription drugs (pharmacy exploding and all that) but does pretty well, you can’t miss something you never tried! Right? Right??? Unfortunately she has tried alcohol.

Why I don’t say her finding Shaun the first and learning that he was involved in some fucked up shit and grew up without her was not her lowest point: she knew where her son was, she had a new goal (convince son to stop hurting people as much. Didn’t really work, but it was something) and she had more friends and had had more time to start to process the other deaths.

She gets sensitive when it comes to robots. Codsworth was her only family for awhile after all. Not in the sense of fighting any, she has fought some of everything at this point, it’s more when they get pushed around (which you know, is pretty standard. You look at something like you would a toaster and that’s how things go🤷‍♀️) she’s probably seen as a little weird because of that, but she is weird so it’s not like she cares too much. She’s more like that with some types of robot than others. She’s still biased 🤷‍♀️

She also doesn’t have trouble seeing synths as people, especially gen 3, because she’s just autistic about it. Do you call one identical twin a copy? One less of a person? No. This is like that at its core! There is just a lot more fucked up around that… like the replacing people. Not the synths faults though. She actually feels bad for them and the situations they get put in.

She likes to gnaw on things, especially after becoming a fish-woman. It’s a stim that gets her some weird looks.

The moment she realized Shaun had basically cloned himself and made a second Shaun her brain decided she just had two kids now, kind of like when rescues will give a momma cat an orphaned kitten. Different circumstances same vibes.

Her eyes reflect light, that changed with her other features as an adaptation for seeing in dark water. It can startle people.

She seems very social because of her loneliness and eagerness for helping others (it gives her a purpose besides ‘find son’) but she’s actually very nervous about interacting with others. She copes by seeing introductions as a performance and not just, awkward social interaction.

She’s a 5’3 toothpick of a woman and thus prefers ranged combat.

She was afraid of heights and still gets nervous at a certain point, but she’s gradually gotten used to the idea of high up=safe, hard to reach, defendable. Thus, she can occasionally be found chilling in strange places off the ground.

In the months before she got kicked out of the institute she may or may not have gone around stealing data. Copying files, what have you. No one asked her to, she just does that. Her room at the castle is full of boxes with files and hollotapes like a pirated library. This has happened almost every where she goes, even if she doesn’t actually steal anything, she’s a serial computer hacker. You can stop a fish from swimming ;3 can’t stop a nerd from asking questions.

That last headcanon was developed before I did far harbor and makes it incredibly funny when dima gets mad that you destroyed all that knowledge. My oc is just standing there like “you’d think that, wouldn’t you” the fact that you can’t say you stole it (since it’s not canon) makes it extra funny because she probably would withhold that information from a stranger, sort of estranged uncle? or not. She also set off the evacuation alarms before destroying the institute and has encountered survivors. Two OTHER things you can’t tell him. Basically it’s like “you destroyed the information” and she’s like ‘perhaps’

not to mention that her SON is a gen 3 synth, obviously she would want all the info she could get. It’s not like there are guide books for “how to parent a different human subspecies and the differences in morphology” at least not unless she writes one.

Being like “Is this an uncle?” And then learning he also replaced someone is like, again? This keeps happening. (Average person has zero mysterious relatives who replace people with copies of them. Replacing people relatives georg(s) are outliers and should not be counted)

she has a grudge against elder maxson and he probably barely knows who she is.

Fun fact I think is funny, she has pacified many creatures, including every type of mirelurk except queens. This means she has basically had the same control over every type except the queens… who control the others… she is a fish usurper.

I as the player couldn’t make myself do nuka world or join the brotherhood because “makes me feel bad and that’s not fun” :/ I still haven’t finished she railroad quest line though because I know they have brainwashed kids on there and it also treats me apart. Nothing happens if you just ignore finishing it in the game, but I imagine she’d have to make a decision at some point if all that was actually happening, and she’s going to side with her family and settlers, so maxson gets no genocide in her timeline.

“Oh but fallout is a post-apocalyptic game and you can’t always make perfect moral choices” I know a lot of people didn’t care about Shaun the first, but I am a softie who was focused on exactly one thing until Kellogg died… well…. Until I blew him up, and so it wasn’t easy for me to do the (in my opinion) right thing and blow the institute up. I’m having fun but I still make decisions I think are hard in the game, I just avoid some because I can 😅 that’s not mentioning smaller decisions.

She found pickman disturbing, it definitely traumatized her more, but I think it might have done something to her too considering the fact that she has dismembered corpses and arranged them to leave a message at least once… she’s not okay and we all break at some point. More than once. Several times actually.

This is getting way too long so I’ll stop. I understand if you unfollow me for my blorbo infodumping

Again, these are all headcanon and or ways I played my character. This doesn’t have to be yours and you don’t have to like it.

[soulcheri]

"That was more than three things," she teases. Although, the smile plastered on her face should've told him she wasn't mad about it. In fact, she was happy. Happy that, despite their rocky relationship lately -- their feelings for each other haven't changed. Nor had the things they loved and adored about each other. Most of what Tyler said about her was similar if not the same as what she said about him. Which meant, on some level they were still on the same page. That was always good news. When it came to the things he missed though, Brooke could feel herself shifting underneath him, uncomfortably. Not to get away or because she didn't feel the same but more so, out of nervousness. She just said she loved it when he called her out on her shit. But now? Brooke didn't know what to say or how to react to it. She couldn't explain in depth why she was keeping him at an arms length without revealing the full truth. And after talking to Isadora in the cornmaze, Brooke wasn't sure now was the right time to open that can of worms. Not like she was going to prior to going in. "What exactly do you mean?" Her knees fell open around either side of his waist as he continued to lay on top of her, between her legs. "My addiction to you hasn't gone away." Wanting him to kiss her or do more to her wasn't the problem. "I always want you to kiss me. But, if you're wondering why I haven't been initiating it....." because, even she can acknowledge she's scaled back from showing him constant displays of affection, lately. "That's because, I want to take things slow. I don't know if you know this," her tone takes on a sarcastic note at the end because as her boyfriend and someone she's been involved with off and on for nearly 7 years now, he should know. "But, hi I'm Brooke Maddox and I use sex and alcohol to distract myself from my problems. Or to self medicate. The same way you do with drugs, and fighting." They both had their vices and they were prone to gravitate towards them while under intense levels of stress. Or in Brooke's case, duress. "It doesn't mean I don't want you. Or I don't find you attractive or I'm no longer addicted to you." Truth be told, she's obsessed with him. "Would it help you to know that even while we haven't been intimate or having sex lately, I still get off to you? I just know that if we start something, or if we kiss for too long... that'll lead to more things. Because I have no self control when it comes to you and it's impossible to retract the claws once they sink their hooks into you." Take this morning as an example after she woke him up. Brooke had to practically sprint out of the room to avoid seeing him half naked and without a shirt. She knew she wouldn't be able to resist him even for a second if she lingered in his bedroom for too long while he crawled out of the bed to shower. "You remember when we made that bet and we teased each other for a whole day until one of us cracked first? We might've mutually called a truce but, I was clearly the loser. After all, this mouth...." Brooke pauses momentarily to brush her fingers over Tyler's succulent lips. "Is so dangerous. I'm fully aware of all the filthy things it can do and all the filthy things it can make me do. I'm at war with myself over it. But, I want to make this work and I want us to take our time. Just think of how explosive it will feel once we're finally ready to dive back in. My insides quake just talking it. I'll need to take a few days off afterward because I know I won't be able to function, much less walk for awhile. That's what you do to me, Tyler. You turn me in a puddled mess. You ruin me in the best possible way, because I'm so in love with you I feel it everywhere. In me, on me... around me... I can't escape it. Nor do I want to."

Tyler closes his eyes as he listens to Brooke list off all the things she misses about him... ( or more specifically, all the things she misses about —- them. ) It's been awhile since Tyler has taken her out on one of his wild adventures. In the beginning...he took her to France, drag-racing on the southside, and to get tattoos at his favorite local tattoo parlor. Then Brooke chimed in and took him to her ballet studio and back to her house to have dinner with her parents and his uncle. Since waking up from his coma, they have only been doing what he thought she wanted to do. He's been playing things safe and that's not who they were. Instead of breaking things off with Brooke when shit hit the fan, he should have taken her with him. If the Vipers didn't like it, they could all suck his dick. Not really — that was only reserved for Brooke's mouth, pussy, and ass. "I have to remember that you're not fragile. I keep deluding myself into thinking I broke you but, that isn't true. You're a Maddox. You're resilient and courageous. You're not breakable." The only thing that could break her would be him cheating on her or defiling their relationship. That would never happen though. He was hers for as long as the stars and moon belong to the sky. They were infinite and would outlast everything else on earth. "See? I like this game. Because you're reminding me of everything we were and everything we will be again." He keeps a genuine smile on his face as she lists off the rest of the things she loves about him. Then its his turn. "I want to start off with three things I love about you." Because those would be easier for him to list. He could write novels about her. But he'll try to stay within the margin. "I love the way you challenge me. You help me grow into the kind of person I never thought I could be. You help me face my vulnerabilities and have taught me that it's okay to be sensitive and merciful every once in awhile." It was because of her that he could now have and develop friendships like the one he has with Volchok. "I love that you taught me how to love." And although he would only love her for the rest of his life, it was nice to know he was capable of such a deep and profound emotion. "I love that you're loyal to no end. I know you would do anything for me. I love how freaky you are. I know that if I lost my mind and pulled your skirt up right now, you would spread your legs and let me devour you. I love that you think about our future together. And I know its a copy, but I love how possessive you are too. I love watching you be that sassy, cutthroat girl who would kill for me." He's gone over their agreed upon number, he knows. But oh, well. "This only applies to lately, but I miss your koala hugs. I miss your addiction to me. I miss knowing that you want me to kiss you when I take you whenever I want to. Whatever's going on with you, I need it to stop. You don't have to restrain yourself around me anymore. I'm yours. It's you...or I die alone."

[petrichorvoices]

i don’t know how Jon TMA became a character that we project onto, but he did. anyway, season 1 Jon with chronic pain and fatigue who’s overworking himself in an effort to prove that he’s still fit for the archivist position, even with his disability. Jon who keeps painkillers in his desk, where they’re perfectly out of view from anyone who may come in to make a statement or drop off some tea. Jon who struggles to accept help, let alone ask for it, because he’s always had to be self-sufficient and he’ll be damned if he stops doing that now, even though his disability is degenerative and taking a toll on him

[4am-enha]

Enhypen when: you’re not feeling well.

General description: Some small, short imagine scenarios of how each member would react/treat you when you’re sick or just not feeling good.

- Includes every member. Each are different scenarios.

- Includes the love languages: Physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving. yayyy! :D

- Self insert/(y/n). Wrote with fem reader in mind, honestly it could be any though. We don’t discriminate round ‘ere.🤝 Enhypen x reader.

- Genre: Fluff!! No sexual scenes!

Warnings: mentions of emotional overwhelm, throw up, cuts/blood, knife and needles, blacking out, alcohol, medication, swearing.

!!This is purely an imagine for entertainment and should not be taken seriously, nor does it have anything to actually do with the real members of Enhypen thank you!!

Jungwon

You’re cuddled up on the couch watching a movie together. You’re both giggling and having a great time enjoying each other’s familiar feeling of company when all of a sudden you start to feel really exhausted. Jungwon holds you even closer to him as he notices your energy drop, assuming you’re just getting sleepy- and that’s what you had thought too.

“Hey, why are you so warm?” Jungwon blurts with a concerned tone, turning his head to look at you.

“What do you mean?” you mumble, not really focused on what he’s talking about, eyes still on the movie.

Jungwon lets go of you and sits you upright. You groan because you were comfortable, and now you’re not. He places the back of his hand on your forehead, which seems to bring him even more concern. His eyes widen and shimmer just like a worried cats eyes would.

“You’re burning up like crazy! I hope you didn’t catch a cold. Have you been dressing warm like I’ve been telling you to? The weather is getting really cold these days.”

He holds you tight again, feeling the body heat radiating off of you onto his own, as if he was confirming his thoughts.

“I really think you need to rest, let’s go lay down.”

He goes to pull you off the couch in an urge but you resist, leaving Jungwon with a suprised expression.

“I want to keep watching this…” you whine slightly, pointing to the TV. “There’s no TV in the other room.”

Jungwon bends down and cups your very warm, flushed face and tilts his head with a smile. He pinches your cheek.

“I’ll pull it up on my phone and we can watch it together in the other room okay? I promise.”

You make eye contact with him finally, and his pleading, gleaming eyes were just too persuading and sweet for you to deny him.

You nod and take his offer, following him to bed hand in hand. He tucks you in ever so gently and then rushes into the bathroom. “Don’t worry angel I’ll be right back!” When he returns, he holds a thermometer in his hands. He places it up close to you and pouts slightly.

“I thought so. You’re sick! You have a fever my love. I’m so sorry! You must be feeling awful right now.”

Jungwon had a genuine look of worry and sympathy on his face. He hated when you had to go through things alone, he felt helpless, but that didn’t stop him doing everything in his power to help you feel better. Even if it was just the small things.

Just as he promised, he loaded up the same exact movie from earlier onto his phone screen and held it up for you to see properly. He couldn’t see it at all and his arm started to fall asleep, but he didn’t need to tell you that. It didn’t matter to him in this moment. It wasn’t important, you were.

He snuggled up next to you, brushing the stray hair strands away from your face with his free hand when he realised you had already fallen asleep from exhaustion. He smiled in awe and sweetly placed a kiss on your heated face ever so softly, in caution to avoid waking you.

He pulled back the cover from you slightly so that you wouldn’t overheat as you slept. He eventually turned the lights off and decided to stick by you, holding your hand, humming a song softly. It was peaceful.

“Rest up my angel.”

Heeseung

Ready? Set, GO!

The racing game that Heeseung had turned on had began and he was not going easy on you. This man was very competitive when it came to video games, and you knew that. Usually, you’d just watch him play, but today he wanted you to join him. Actually, he practically begged- and you didn’t have it in you to reject him. Besides, it was just a fun little game.

So why were you feeling so frustrated when you knew you’d be lacking in skill? You knew it wasn’t that serious, and Heeseung didn’t care that you were awful at games, but today you felt embarrassed. You desperately wanted to do good today and impress Heeseung, but it just wasn’t happening, and for some reason that made you feel upset.

This is why you didn’t play with Heeseung and his friends- because you were anxious that they would all judge you, or laugh at how bad you were. You didn’t want Heeseungs friends laughing about how bad his girlfriend was at gaming. You especially didn’t want to play team games, because then you felt like you were making everyone mad and bringing the team down. Nobody would want you on their team because then they would lose.

You kept crashing the car into the side of things, accidentally turning the wrong way, losing control. You got so overwhelmed with frustration, you started to reach a impulsive breaking point.

“Beb, you’re driving the wrong way!” Heeseung announced with a small giggle after glancing at your side of the screen.

“I know, I’m sorry!” You yelled angrily, feeling overwhelmed, avoiding Heeseungs gaze.

This had never happened before, so it really shocked Heeseung. He wasn’t quite sure what had just happened. Had he done something wrong?

He paused the match.

“Why are you sorry-?”

And then you burst into tears.

“Oh no! What’s wrong?” Heeseung grabbed you, hugging you tight, swaying you slightly.

“I don’t know. I just want to be good at it.”

Heeseung smiled to himself. He found it adorable at how determined you sounded, but he knew if you caught him smiling you’d interpret it the wrong way and it would only make it worse- so he wiped your tears with his thumb gently.

“I can tell that you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Don’t worry about it so much! You know I don’t mind if you’re good or not. I just enjoy playing with you.”

He smiled and patted your head and signaled for you to continue playing with him. He unpaused the game, and began his plan to let you win this round. It wasn’t easy trying to stay far behind you. Somehow, you never noticed how deliberate it was.

“YAY! YOU WON!” He cheered and grabbed your hands, holding them high in the air like a champion.

You smiled wide and it was contagious to Heeseung. He was relieved it had comforted you a bit, but he wanted to make sure you felt like a winner all day.

“I say we go for a drive, pick up your favorite take out, and then look at all the Christmas lights. What do you think?”

“Really?” you asked.

“Of course, you’re a champion now, you need your prize.”

You nodded excitedly and you were about to rush away to go get ready to leave the house, when Heeseung pulled you into a tight hug.

“I love you, please don’t forget that.” he muffled as he nuzzled his face into your neck.

It was as if you had never even been feeling upset in the first place.

Jay

(big tw for my emetophobia babies, this was hard for me to write without gagging😭)

It was such an elegant date night that Jay had been planning for months. The night consisted of a 5 star, fancy restaurant. The menu was expensive, but Jay couldn’t put a price on you, so it was no bother to him. You were priceless, and you deserved everything.

You had decided to go for the seafood option, whilst Jay had chosen the steak. The food and the smooth tasting wine complimented each other quite well, and the image of the glimmering Jay in front of you made the whole night special.

The food tasted good, but you couldn’t help but feel as if it was a lot more chewy than you expected it to be. You kept it to yourself though, there was no need to complain right now.

Both you and Jay had been drinking a little, so you walked home instead of driving. It wasn’t that cold outside yet, it was tolerable. It was a long walk, but Jay called it a “digestion walk” which he liked to do after big meals.

The walk should have been refreshing, however, your stomach had been cramping up for quite some time now and though you had been trying to keep it low key in hopes not to ruin the mood- the pain only got worse.

You finally hunched over a bit and groaned, being in a very vulnerable state.

“Oh, are you not feeling well?” Jay was a bit alarmed.

You couldn’t get yourself to respond, because you felt that if you opened your mouth you’d immediately barf. Jay quickly understood and picked you up in a hurry, carrying you the whole way home. Silently praying you wouldn’t throw up on him.

When you both arrived home, Jay rushed you to the bathroom. You barely made it in, throwing up and sweating from the pain. He collected your hair into a small bunch in his hands and held it away from your face as you continued to vomit. He rubbed your back in support, and continuously whispered “You’re okay” in a comforting tone beside you.

After you had finished projectile vomiting into the toilet, Jay looked you over and noticed your shirt soaked in your own throw up.

“Here, lets get you sorted shall we?”

He helped take your shirt off and replaced it with his own shirt. He smiled at how oversized it was on you, covering you almost to your knees.

“I’m sorry for ruining tonight.” You said with a guilty feeling, looking at your own feet, head hung in shame.

He lifted your chin up gently with his finger and looked at you for a moment.

“Don’t be sorry for something that wasn’t your fault my darling. I’m guessing you have food poisoning from the meal earlier.”

You shrugged, unsure of what just really happened- still processing it all.

“So much for a 5 star restaurant huh. I might be a little Karen and complain on Yelp.”

He brought you into a tight hug and kissed the top of your head as you laughed at his comment.

“My precious girl.”

The pain had been a scary moment for you, but you found it hard to feel anxious when Jay made you feel so safe and comfortable.

Jake

This morning you had woken up with a sore throat and you found yourself constantly sniffling. You didn’t have a fever, but you also didn’t have much energy to do much today. You felt weak and you were angry at yourself for taking breathing clearly for granted once again. Jake had already left for work, so it was just you today. You decided to give him a call.

“Hey love, what’s up?” Jakes voiced beamed through the phone like a ray of sunshine. Just Jakes voice alone could make you feel energized and positive again. It was a super power of his.

“I think I have a cold, I woke up sick, but I don’t have a fever- it’s nothing serious. I don’t think I’ll be able to get much done today though-” you mentioned calmly.

“You being sick is serious baby! Don’t you dare do anything. Wait for me, it’s not too much longer until my lunch break. I’ll come see you. I love you.”

And so you let him get back to work as you wrapped yourself up again in your sheets, feeling slight chills from the illness.

Hours had passed when you were awoken by a loud, abrupt banging coming through the door of the apartment. It was followed by a ton of rustling. You knew it was Jake, but you were curious as to why he was making that much noise.

“Drum roll please!” Jake yells through the bedroom door.

You scoff with a smile and play along, doing a fake drum roll on the bed side table. Jake then barges in, hands full of bags, a big teddy bear, and flowers. He had possibly the widest, cheesiest smile you had ever seen on his face. You could tell he was proud.

“What’s all this?” You exclaim in surprise.

As you looked through all the bags, you noticed Jake had gone and bought a pile of your favorite things. From your favorite candy, to your favorite artists album, to… ingredients?

“Oh, those are for me.” Jake grabbed the ingredients and winked at you. “I’ll be right back!” and he headed to the kitchen.

As you admired the flowers, you could smell your favorite dish being cooked by Jake in the kitchen. You instantly felt so much better than you had been.

Jake was irreplaceable. He was truly one of a kind. He was your reminder of the goodness in the world, and that kind people still existed in a modern cruel society.

If there was hope in humanity, it was Jake.

Jake later arrived back in the room with your meal and Layla following behind him.

“Comfort mom whilst I’m away okay Layla?” He motioned for Layla to get up on the bed.

“Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do all this Jake.”

“Don’t thank me, now open up.” He gives you your medication, smiles at you, and kisses your cheek.

“Layla, don’t let her get up. I’m in charge today.” Jake winked.

He gave you one final kiss and finally, he promised to return home again from work soon.

Sunghoon

Sunghoon’s phone crashing on the floor was the very least of his concerns today. In fact, it had crashed on the floor behind him, being completely abandoned as he rushed to the hospital. The only thing on his mind right now was you. You were his only priority. He couldn’t waste a single second.

Sunghoon had received a voice mail alerting him that you had checked into the emergency room not too long ago. His heart sank to the floor. He felt his whole body succumb in anxiety. His thoughts were racing, almost as fast as he currently was to you.

He was given no details, so his mind had plenty of room for overthinking.

His breath began to run short as he slammed his way through the hospital entrance, causing a big scene. He demanded your location immediately, leaving the nurses behind in bewilderment. He didn’t stop to take a breath until he finally appeared in front of you, glistening in sweat.

“What happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What’s wrong-”

The questions came flooding in all at once, and you weren’t even expecting him to be here right now, so to say it took you by surprise was an understatement. It hit you that he must’ve heard you were here, and not why you were here. You started to giggle.

“Why are you laughing…” Sunghoon looked completely and utterly lost.

You stretched your arms out toward him, revealing your bandaged hands.

“I just got a cut, I’m okay silly.”

“How did you do that?”

“I was cutting vegetables for dinner and I got too confident. The knife slipped me unfortunately.”

Sunghoon caught his breath,

“Oh my darling you’re so clumsy sometimes. You have to be more careful.”

Sunghoon gently held your hurting hands and looked into your eyes with sympathy.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“Mhm.” You shortly answered, looking to the floor, “They’re getting ready to give me stitches.”

Sunghoon tried to meet your eyes with his own again, but you kept avoiding.

“You’ll be okay, I’ll be right here. I’m here now. It’ll be over sooner than you think.”

Sunghoon wanted to distract you from the pain and the worry you were holding. He desperately wanted to comfort you.

“Shall I sing to you?” He knew you loved his singing. You asked for him to sing every time you were upset.

“Please” you exclaimed enthusiastically, meeting his eyes again, making him laugh.

And so Sunghoon began to sing the words to your favorite song. You would never get over the feeling of comfort it brought you every. single. time. It was forever unmatched. His singing reminded you of the exact feeling you felt every time he sang this song to you when you needed him most. It was a constant loop of reassurance. You never took it for granted.

He ran his warm fingers through your hair as he sang, resting your head on his shoulder. If you could die like this, you’d be happy to. You never wanted this to end. You closed your eyes as you listened, it was so easy to leave reality this way.

The doctors arrived at the scene and watched in awe for a moment before announcing their presence. As they began their minor procedure, you couldn’t look. The needles made you feel sick to look at, so you kept your eyes on Sunghoon across the room.

He was just standing there.

He was there, just like he said he would be.

Sunoo

Girls night had been a bit too successful. College had been stressing you out, so you decided to let loose for a night with some friends. You didn’t waste this opportunity at all- you partied hard, and you got absolutely wasted.

You stumbled through your front door, startling Sunoo who had accidentally fell asleep on the couch waiting for you to get home safely.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Sunoo questioned you.

“ABSOLUTELY” you enthusiastically exclaimed, quite loudly.

“Tsk, you reek of alcohol. How much did you end up drinking?” Sunoo nagged.

“I’m so sober dawg” you replied.

“Yeah, okay.” Sunoo rolled his eyes and giggled.

You started swaying side to side, closing your eyes and almost tipping over.

“Did you just almost black out?”

You didn’t answer, instead you stared at him in a daze. That was enough to tell Sunoo you were drunk out of your mind.

“Let’s get you sorted.” Sunoo guided you to the bathroom where he made you sit up on the sink ledge as he grabbed a makeup wipe. He gently began removing your makeup, careful not to hurt you in any way. You watched him lovingly. You felt like a doll, you just let him do what he was doing.

“Here, careful it’s hot.” Sunoo placed a warm wet rag against your face to soak your face, and he followed up with facial wash. He splashed some water on your face, avoiding accidentally drowning you.

The water started to sober you up a little, and your energy level dropped immensely.

“Don’t fall asleep yet sunshine, we’re almost done I promise.”

Sunoo began your whole skin care routine for you. He knew all the little things about you and how you liked to do things, so it was easy for him to take care of you when you struggled to take care of yourself. If it wasn’t for Sunoo, your skin would have broken out badly.

He squeezed toothpaste onto your tooth brush and ran it under the water.

“Open up.”

You did as you were told and he quite literally brushed your teeth for you. You continued to stare at him with doe eyes as he focused on looking after you.

He removed the clips from your hair and brushed the tangles out that had been made from excessive dancing. He braided your hair into two little plaits so that it was easier to keep your hair out of your face as you slept. He knew that would make you more comfortable.

Sunoo left for a moment to grab the fluffiest pajamas you owned. He supported you upwards as you changed into them. Then, he helped you to bed.

You waited patiently as Sunoo grabbed you a glass of icy cold water.

“Careful not to spill it on yourself okay?” He watched as you drank it.

After you handed him the empty glass, you flopped backwards onto your pillows and soon swiftly fell into deep sleep. Sunoo watched over you for a moment.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself my sunshine, you deserve happiness.” he whispered.

You were so lucky to have him.

Niki

Today was just not your day at all. You had been making constant trips back and forth from the bathroom- and not to throw up, but to, you know. Your stomach felt like it was ripping not only just your insides in half, but your dignity too. You felt disgusting.

The worst part about this? Niki was fully aware what had been happening all day, because he had to help fetch you a toilet paper replacement earlier on. You were so embarrassed.

You sat on the edge of your bed, dangling your feet about and staring into nothing. There was no point getting comfy in bed, because you knew you’d probably have to just get back up again soon after. You felt defeated.

Niki entered the room and noticed you sitting, looking quite glum.

“How is it?”

“What does it look like?” you snapped back to his obvious question.

He tried to hold back a smile at your moody attitude, but he quickly lost that battle.

“ITS NOT FUNNY!” you yelled at him, laying backwards and covering your face with the palms of your hands.

Niki sat down beside you and leaned over, trying to remove a few fingers from covering your face, but it was no use.

“Come on, don’t be upset.” He pouted slightly.

You turned around, completely avoiding his direction.

Niki started searching around for something, and though you were curious as to what he was doing behind you, you were stubborn and absolutely refused to look at him right now. You wished you could just shrivel up and disappear- this was so embarrassing.

Niki grabbed the plushies spread across the pillows and the bed and grouped them up beside him in the space between the two of you. He picked one up and held it beside your face. He began to make it talk.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's human."

You scoffed and continued to say nothing. Was that supposed to make you feel any better?

Niki kept on with the plushie.

"Hey shitty pants, I'm talking to you here."

That was enough to make you finally turn back to him, smacking him harshly on the arm.

“HEY” you threatened.

Niki simply smiled and brought the plushie back up to your face. He continued to make it talk.

“Don’t hit Niki it was me! Not him!” he moved the yellow stuffed creature around like it was fretting.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed.

“Now repeat what I say. It’s perfectly okay that I’m going through this.” The creature said.

You stared at him with an unamused expression.

“Go on.. what’s his name again?” Niki whispered.

“Quacky.”

“Go on, Mr Quacky told you to.” Niki told you with a smile.

You rolled your eyes again.

“I have nothing to be embarrassed about.” Mr Quacky said, hoping you would repeat it.

You finally decided to just go along with it. Niki wasn’t going to give up anytime soon anyway.

You started repeating the silly things the plushie said, and eventually you started to laugh at how stupid it all was. What was Niki even doing right now? The more you interacted, the more you started to forget how embarrassed you had been feeling.

How could you be embarrassed around Niki?

Niki put the plushie down and tackled you, tickling you and holding you close- a huge smile left plastered on your face.

“That’s better.” he muttered.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

note: thank you if you read this! i hope you enjoyed it. i had a hard time writing it because i literally wrote three whole scenarios and then accidentally deleted my draft so i had to rewrite a bunch. reminder to constantly save as you write! 😭 anyway, this is my first time writing on here so if there’s mistakes or anything i’m sorry. let me know what you guys think, i’m open to suggestions. do you want more stuff like this? you can leave asks on my main - @4amj3zz !! which one of these scenarios was your favorite? :)

muah. xox

[6ftkyle]

@cheesy-poofs @impandgnomes well if you guys insist 👼

today in particular im hung up on the fact that stan's really such a multi-faceted character and most depictions of him are really flat. they usually pick one or two of his traits (or traits that dont really apply to him, but rather feed a ship dynamic they crave, but thats a whole different post to be made 😶 ) to roll with and let everything else kind of fall to the wayside.

and like thats fine! south park is very much a sand box kind of fandom, because theres so much content and continuity is dubious at best and half the fun of writing these characters is picking and choosing the traits you like to build a little guy that makes your brain feel good. but i think theres just way more options with stan than i realize until im thinking real hard about him.

i think its also kind of easy to think of him as 'boring' because a) the other members of the main 4 are much more outlandish and b) hes kind of understated. hes the straight man of the group by default, and that has a way of like tricking people into thinking he's just definitively a straight man. it's really not the case though, and we see that the most when he's dealing with characters outside the main 4.

i was going to write a list of my fave stan traits to play up, but then it was really long and unwieldy! but there's a lot of play with there, and honestly, i mix it up almost every time i write him. i rp a lot, and my rp buddy and i have a LOT of aus, so every time we're drafting a new one, i think in the back of my head 'well what aspect of stan haven't i explored yet, let's put that in this one'

one of my favorite aspects to explore when writing him as an adult (because I am in my 30s and it's more cathartic / interesting to me to write about people my ages still working through problems even when you're aware of them than it is to write about them as small kids or teenagers) is his struggle with addiction and how it plays into his depression.

a lot of the time when i see it done, it skews towards him having little to no control over it and absolutely leaning into coping with alcohol. i think thats a little unkind to stan's iron will. in canon he's already dealt with it, he's already shown that he's capable of self-awareness and that he wants to do his best to not fall into the same patterns as randy. backslides do exist, and i think there's a lot of interesting writing to be driven by exploring that struggle, but it's a real heavy topic that needs a nuance and a kindness that i have a hard time finding. a lot of people like to make him kind of helpless about it, and that he needs their man of choice to hold his hand through it and make him better, and like. i see the appeal of that, its not for me, but i get why people are into it. i just don't think its necessarily in character.

personally i think it's more interesting and more realistic for it to be a thing stan deals with almost entirely on his own. i think his mom encourages him to try therapy and he tries it and it doesn't help as much as he would like, but it does at least a little, and he comes to realize feeling a little less like shit, being just a little bit less miserable, is better than no progress at all. he probably goes on medication too, he just wants to feel better. and just like any other person with depression, therapy and medication doesn't fix it, there's still bad periods, but he feels better than he would without it.

i know one of the hotly debated depictions of stan is him as a jock because he's a sport enjoyer, but i think a lot of people are missing the very real subsect of people who enjoy sports, but don't / can't play them. i have an uncle who will talk my ear off about how his nebraska college football team is doing and what their prospects are like and i really think that's more stan's speed. i always think back to the scientology episode where they immediately pin that it's easy to distract stan from his questions by misquoting the denver bronco's season record and it works, stan immediately knows the correct record.

i get that's harder for people to write because then writers feel like they have to research sports stats and how analysis is done. it's so much easier to just slap a jersey on him and make him a caricature of a billion characters we've all seen in teen dramas. and like, again, if that's what people wanna do, it's fine, i guess, but it doesn't really feel like stan anymore to me. i think he plays sports as a kid because most kids do, but as he gets older he gets way more into the strategy than the actual playing.

and we see that he loves strategy and planning and the theoretical side of it because he also enjoys the same kind of strategic planning in board games. that's all warhammer fuckin' is. it scratches a certain center of his brain and like, if i wanted to get into meta, i think there's a lot of be said about that kind of control he has in board games / plotting sports strats that he does not have in his home or social life.

overall, like i said at the beginning of the post, i think the reason he gets done so dirty is mostly to make him fit a person's ideal shipping dynamics, and because it's so easy to accidentally read him as a blank slate. but i guess also it's that the most compelling aspects of his personality, at least for me, are complex to write and i get not everyone is looking to deeply explore the psyche of a dude who comes across so incredibly average.

i could actually go on so much more, but i gotta stop myself at some point.

having a lot of strong feelings about stan marsh today

[nghtwngs]

Hello! I absolutely adore your writings, may I get #8 from hurt/comfort with Marc? Maybe a stubborn sassy Reader? Thanks!

“This is gonna hurt like a bitch, but I have to stitch up that wound."

pairing: marc spector x reader

genre: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers

warnings: blood/injury (i don’t think it’s too graphic), slight sexual humor, swearing, medical inaccuracies? this happens in a lot of films lol, alcohol consumption (marc literally just takes like one sip)

a/n: thank you! sorry it took, like, forever

Marc grabs the bottle of alcohol, turns around, and nods to the gash in your thigh. "This is gonna hurt like a bitch, but I have to stitch up that wound."

Your eyes squeeze shut, inhaling sharply. “Just fuck—do it already.”

He cleans off the remaining blood before dousing your wound in the alcohol. You cover your mouth with the palm of your hand, clenching your teeth. It stings like hell. Like you’re being stabbed all over again with a million needles. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes, but the arm you pull around your face catches them. You pant as you look up, catching Marc wince at you before taking a swig of the alcohol.

He uses the back of his hand to wipe off the liquor that drips down his chin. Your eyes dart around because the sight somehow feels too intimate to be seen by you. It has your stomach fluttering, and for a second, you almost forget the searing burn of the alcohol. You feel ridiculous. Like a little schoolgirl whose heart pounds at the sight of her crush. You’re definitely too old for that.

You end up meeting his eyes anyway. They’re soft, full of sympathy. You look away, your words filling with a bite you don’t really mean. “Can you just get it over with already? I’m not a big fan of being split open here.”

There’s a tinge of amusement in his eyes, and it makes you realize how wrong your words sound. You bite your tongue.

“Really?” His tone is playful. It distracts you both from the reality of this.

“Shut up,” you grumble beneath your hand.

His expression morphs back into concern while he stitches you up, glancing back at your face at every wince you make. His eyebrows are furrowed, eyes concentrating on every stitch he makes. He finally finishes off the last suture, looking up at you. “See? All better now.”

“Yeah, I mean, aside from being attacked by whatever the hell that was. I couldn’t even see it.”

His smile drops into a frown. The way his face hardens makes you regret saying that. He has a hand on your knee, thumb brushing over the skin there. You can hear him swallow. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. It’s my fault you’re hurt.”

You scoff. “Like I was gonna let you do it alone. Jean-Paul and Crawley wouldn’t either, but you’re too stubborn for your own good, Spector. Too self-sacrificing.”

He lets out a small breath at that, smiling a little. “I am, aren’t I?” He presses his lips together. “I just wanted to keep you all safe.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to go through everything alone, idiot. We chose this, y’know. We love you.”

Marc grins. “You love me, huh?”

“That’s really what you got out of that?”

His grin turns into something soft, and suddenly, you feel bare under his gaze. His eyes glance at your lips. He looks at you like you’re the only thing he’s ever known. He smells like sandalwood, or at least you think so, but either way the scent of him is intoxicating just like him.

You tip your chin up, meeting his mouth with your own. His arms slink around you, keeping you close. He’s warm, and you feel fuzzy inside even though you haven’t even had a sip of the liquor. And your heart doesn’t race like you had expected it to. It just feels… right. Like you’ve connected the last pieces of a puzzle.

He pulls away and chuckles when you try to find his lips again. “I love you too. And you’re right about it. You’re always right.”

“Took you long enough to figure out.”