#i wanna talk abt how happy being kin makes me

[citricat]

i made this entire blog to talk about being ‘kin and im just

way too awkward to actually do it!! uhoh how do i just spill my thoughts into the void without feeling anxious about it :[

[teddybeartoji]

MICKEY LOVES TLOU2

here are a fuck ton of thoughts and things i love and things that i've just noticed during my multiple playthroughs!!! i really love this game and i really wanted to talk about it lmao ppl so enjoy lmao!!! though if you know nothing abt the game... this might be very boring bc it's not like i give a lot of context to my thoughts😭😭whatever this was for me okay!!!!!!!!!!!

⚠︎ spoilers spoilers hardcore spoilers i am talking abt every death known to mankind i am not holding anything back type of spoilers ⚠︎

ELLIE

— i have a love/hate relationship with her<3 let's not get into the fact that i also kin her btw this is so irrelevant i adore her and i also kind of want to punch her in the face<333

— i love how much she fidgets. she plays with her fingers and she does this thing where she rubs her chin against her shoulder when she's nervous. it all just makes her so much more real. (i also.. do both of those things. ok no let's not get into that cough)

— when ellie and dina find a clicker crawling on the floor during day one and it very obviously scares ellie and then dina asks her whether she's ok like the good girlfriend that she is, to which ellie first replies 'yeah' with a shaky voice only to clear her throat and give dina a way stronger 'yeah'. as if she's trying to act a bit tougher yk? (ok here's a lil link from a gameplay if u actually wanna hear the difference)

— i love how much ellie fucks up. gonna talk abt the first game here too bc i want to. when she first meets david, she does well by getting the man to give up his gun but then a few minutes later we find out that david had another gun which ellie didn't know abt simply bc she didn't ask abt it!!!!!!!!!!!! she could've died just there.

and then later when david is telling her all about how joel killed all his men and everything, ellie doesn't hear the other man having a gun on her. boom she could've been dead right there. she only lives bc david is a fucking pedophile yayyy

it's just very clear that she is, in fact, a fourteen year old lmao i'm not saying that she should've actually done anything differently - i am actually very very happy with the way they portrayed her there.

and she's the same way in the second one too. she acts very very tough, but she's clumsy and she lets her guard down way too easily. AND IT'S REALISTICCC PLEASEE I'M NOT DISSING HER I LOVE THIS LITTLE DETAIL SOOO SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

on day two, when she finally reaches the hospital and she's met with her first proper wolf; ellie holds a knife to whitney's throat to ask about nora (the girl she's looking for) and when whitney does tell her the info she needs, ellie kind of zones out for a mere second but that's enough for whitney to yank out of her hold and it almost ends very badly. it's very stupid. even she herself says so.

and on day three, when we're finally met with mel and owen, ellie tries to do the infamous joel and tommy interrogation move. but she fucks it up so bad.

for those who might not know what the fuck i'm talking abt - the move includes having two ppl being faced away from each other, so you can ask one of them to write down the information you want without the other seeing the answer. and then you let the other person do the same, and if the info matches - they're telling the truth!! yayy!!!!!

ellie has both of the people in front of her, so owen would've been able to see exactly where mel is pointing lmao. and then she let's them both get way too close which ends up owen going for her gun and then everything just goes to hell. and she gets fucking nothing out of it other than three more kills.

she also lets nora to get to her, too. the latter brings up joel and the second ellie's gun lowers just an inch, nora smacks her in the face with a fucking platter and therefore is able to make a run for it.

another thing that goes well with this point is just the fact that she is very emotional. gets angry very easily and she tends to act very irrationally. #she's literally me

— have never been angrier when ellie put a knife to lev because ????? lev is THE only reason dina and jj and ellie herself are alive?????????? abby would've 100% killed all of them (rightfully so i'm afraid) but lev was the one that made her stop and now she's threatening to kill him????? be so serious rn ellie my dear

— i hated playing the santa barbara part and i died during the last fight way too many times simply because i was so afraid that i'd actually have to kill abby. i.. thought about not finishing the game lmao

— the last scene of the game............................. i cried so hard. i also cried when they showed us the 'fight' ellie and joel had during the night in jackson bc i was so afraid that that was their last interaction yk? so when we see joel strumming his guitar on his porch.... ohhhhhhhhh:(((( the fact that he says that he'd do it all again. ellie saying that she'd like to try and forgive him and joel crying??????????? just fucking shoot me okay this hurts so fucking bad

and joel bringing up dina ever so gently, being the old man that he is, he tries to show his support even though he knows that ellie probably doesn't even want it................

JOEL

— joel giving his name and lending a hand to a complete stranger after playing the tough guy for over 20 years only for it to blow it up so fucking terribly in his face is just.................... awful my heart still hurts btw

— yes i think he deserved it yes i love him yes i cried so hard that i needed to pause the game

his death didn't really come as a surprise though,, not to sound like some pick-me but i did assume that they'd be fireflies bc........... oh i wonder that was the Big Thing Joel Did In The First Game That Could Come And Bite Him In The Ass yk?? he took away the possibility of a vaccine and he also killed a hospital full of people like joel is not a good man lmao I STILL LOVE HIM THOUGHHH

— joel taught ellie how to swim:(((((((((((((((((((((((((( and then just the whole museum thing aaaaaaaaaaaarrghhhhh yes i cried during this part too. i love how much more open he is at that point, like he's more than comfortable talking about sarah and it's just soo:((((((((((((((

and ohhh the way joel looks at ellie when he's handing her the tape:(((

and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the fact that joel kept the little dinosaur pamphlet too:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((everything hurts please send help

— joel vs abby and the group + the moose vs the wolves statue in the museum yeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

— joel reading the comic book that ellie is into to have something to talk to her about................................................... i'm so sad

THE JACKSON CREW

— i LOVED JESSSEEEEEEE btw during my first playthrough i was just thinking abt what a cool guy he is and how i hope that nothing happens to him and then he got shot in the face literally in the next scene yeah that was just so amazing thank you game)

and aaaaaahhhh his little enterance was such a big surprise to me!!!!! ok i think it was for everybody actually,, i think that was done really really well

— AND I ABSOLUTELY ADORE DINAA!!!!!!!!!!!! i think she did nothing wrong i think she's perfect!!!!!!!!!! i loved loved loved how gentle she was with ellie until the end,, she loved ellie sm:(((

— tommy.............................................. now that was heartbreak. i can't even descibe the hurt i felt when he brought up abby again......... and when he snaps at ellie for not wanting to go after her....... ouch ouch ouch that genuinely hurt so fucking much bc i loved tommy so bad!!!! i do think that he is in the wrong, i think that he is mostly just bitter about maria fucking leaving him so he's now trying to idk take back time or some shit. i'm not saying that he should be grateful to be alive but... he should. abby could've fucking decimated the whole group (she almost did) and now you're here still obsessing over her

— maria is so hot btw thanks for listening to my ted talk

ABBY

— i love her<3 and i think the only bad thing she ever was did was that she killed jesse (rip my king i loved him sm)

— :33 if you have anything bad to say about her i will not hear it.

— if i ever happen to see another 'who's winning' poll with abby and ellie with ellie fucking winning i am burning down earth because what the fuck are you guys on. even after being strung up on a pole under the californian sun with no food and nothing to drink, she almost won against ellie. who btw had a knife.

and the threater fight????????? abby only had her fists and bricks and bottles while ellie had her ENTIRE BAG including her knife and a shotgun and a bow and trapmines and she still couldn't kill abby????? yeah cmon now abby would fucking eat ellie for breakfast

— but yeah i fucking love abby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think her storyline is so fucking good and i just overall think that uhh she's a better person than ellie<3 sue me okay sue me i still love ellie but man you cannot deny that abby didn't have a redemption arc while ellie litERALLY STILL WENT AFTER HER IN THE ENDDDD??????????

the way abby turns against the wolves and takes lev under her arm is just soooo:(((((((( they mean the world to me

— omfg and when abby teaches lev what the word 'cool' means but he then messes it up later, saying 'cold' instead😭😭THAT'S MY SONN FR!!!!!!!!!

THE WOLVES (aka the washington liberation front aka the w.l.f)

— i hate owen. i hate owen with every fiber in my body. gets mel pregnant and then just decides to up and leave yeah okay pussy. "we're allowed to be happy." YEAH AND SO DOES MEL ASSHOLE BUT NOW SHE HAS YOUR KID INSIDE HER DURING A FUCKING APOCALYPSE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME BY ANY CHANCE

i'm sounding like a proper mel pussy rider rn i promise u that i don't actually care that much abt her i just think that... no matter whether owen likes mel or not - he has to take some fucking responsibility for getting her pregnant

btw i have NEVER read a room more wrong than the boat scene. is that bc they're straight?? idk man i was genuinely so upset with owen and with the way he was talking to abby and just the way he was acting and then they.. do That. what

also. he never asked abby about the fuCKING BRUISE AROUND HER NECKKKK???????????????????? kys man i am an owen hater until i die lmao

— the wolves having a goodbye saying of "may your survival be long" and "may your death be swift"

so when nora tells abby the first line as they part in the hospital but abby replies back with "and may my death be swift" is the most insane foreshadowing in the world because only a few hours later ellie arrives at the hospital, beating nora to death in a very slow and a painful manner:3

GAMEPLAY

— INCREDIBLEEEEEEEE genuinely think that the gameplay is fucking extraordinaly i love the weapon sway i love getting oneshotted by a shotgun i love going prone (and yes i keep wanting to say prone bone don't look at me) i love using a bow while laying down on the ground???????? i love breaking glass i love rope mechanics

— SEATTLE DAY 2 WHEN ELLIE IS ALONE AND SHE FINDS A LETTER SAYING THAT FIVE WLF PPL HAVE DESERTED THE GROUP AND ARE NOW ON THE RUN + ELLIE GETTING ATTACK IN THE MIDDLE OF BEING ON THE WORKBENCH SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the little things leading up to that are fucking amazing 1. ellie makes noise no matter how she gets into the building - she either breaks glass or if she gets in from the basement, there are bottles set up by the door so when she opens it they all fall, letting the wolves know that someone is coming 2. there are still growing tomatoes in the apartment, a very tell-tale sign of yk.. somebody living in there lmao 3. ellie finds a locked door and it's just so crazy to think that there are actually people inside that room

hearing the footsteps when you think that you're safely in a you know A Pause Screen was fucking terrifying it scared the shit out of me i loved it

— love the fact that you can hide under things but what i love even more is that enemies do check the places!!!!!!!!!!!! they crouch down and they check it and they fucking pull you out from whatever you're hiding under and that is also fucking scary as shit lmao

— the fact that both big groups have their own Things: the wolves have the dogs (lol) and the seraphites like to communicate by whistling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think it's very fun and innovative

plus points to the whistles bc they're even worse while you're playing grounded bc the game doesn't tell you what whistle is what whistle like it does while you're playing it on normal. you gotta remember them yourself if you want to get ahead<333

— overall i love how realistic the combat is?? like the weapon sway is fucking horrid but... that's the point of it, isn't it?? like none of these people are meant to be fucking sharpshooters and you're all bound to miss a fuck ton bc that's just the way it is. and that also makes hitting headshots sooooo much more satisfying too oh my god i love that

— AND I LOVE HOW GNARLY THE COMBAT IS!!!!!!!!!! dismembered limbs and bits and pieces of their people's bodies sliding down the walls after you shoot them with something heavy rrraaaahhhhhh

and the way the blood pools after you kill somebody??? like you can actually see it spread on the ground it's so fucking sick and if you happen to step in it, you leave bloody footprints behind you as well

— the way people cry out when you kill a dog:(((( the way they call their name yeahhhh.... and i do actually love that they put dogs in the game like it's fucking awful and it feels so fucking bad but it's real isn't it?? and like i don't really know if any other game has done smth like this too i think it's a very interesting thing. and the fact that they're very, very hard to deal with.. bc it's not like you can fucking sneak up on a dog now can you???? so the game just forces you to think of new ways to do things!! plus points for making the player feel bad by showing the dogs through abby's eyes later too (like u can play ball with a dog named 'bear' knowing that... you have most definitely killed said dog a day before as ellie....)

— stalkers are fucking terrifying. literally almost shat myself when i first met them. i love it. an absolutely fucked up concept like wdym there are mfs in the room with me who aren't really attacking but just.. looking at me from behind corners and shit???????????? fuck you game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a very very good design imo!!!!!!!!!!!

— i think it's very fun how the game developers used space. everyone who has played games that are even remotely similar to tlou are used to scouring every crook and nanny of an area assuming that they're gonna find loot but here... there's just a lot of empty space lmao it sounds annoying and it is, but that doesn't make it a dumb little thing i think it just makes the game even more realistic.

— they do this in the first game too but man the attention to detail is insane. you know you actually have to move SLOWLY if you want to be quiet??????????? like typically the fact that you're crouching down is sufficent but not in this one. simply crouching down is just more for like taking cover,, the enemies and esp the clickers will still hear you perfectly if you're trying to 'sneak' around without slowing down your movements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think it's a very neat mechanic. this also made me almost quit the game when i first played it because i didn't understand it lmao

MORE OVERALL THOUGHTS

— LESBIAN ELLIEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A FEMALE LESBIAN MAIN CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love that she's not bisexual either, like they very clearly even state that she is NOT into men lmao and i fucking love that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— BUFF ABBBYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GODD SHE'S SO FUCKING AMAZING AND SO HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i remember seeing all the hate the character got just bc of her physique like ok cowards just say that you're afraid of women lmao

— LEV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE A TRANS CHARACTERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this sounds like bare minimum and i hate that i have to praise it so bad i wish we had more trans characters but oh my god i love him so fucking much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i just love his storyline so much too wahh he's my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— exceptional soundtrack!!!!!!! i really fucking love it i think the music adds to the scenes so fucking much and gustavo and mac did such a good job with it i owe them my life

— GOING AGAINST TOMMY WAS FUCKING TERRIFYING BTW!!!!! when i finally realized what day i was on and where exactly i was i just... paused the game to rethink my whole life. having told that tommy is one hell of a sniper throughout the first and the second game only to let THE PLAYER go against him.. FOULLLLLL THAT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLEEEE

and i loved that he was used the same move he literally taught ellie earlier in the game - to shoot against cars to attract the infected and to make the players life even worse:33 thanks tommy:3333

ANDDDDD manny's death...... oh my fucking god. that's just another thing i really love abt the game,, like how easily people die. it only took a second for tommy to pop a bullet into his head and it just happened so fucking fast and you don't really have any time to even think about it bc then you already have to move forward. there's no time to mourn or anything.

— the point of it all being the vicious cycle of violence. the game just fucking hammers down it; ellie vs abby, joel vs the fireflies, the wolves vs the seraphites - it's just retaliation upon retaliation. and in the end abby is the only one who truly breaks out of it

— ellie's iconic quote from the first game "i'm scared of ending up alone" becoming real. she doesn't have joel, she doesn't have dina or jj, doesn't have tommy or jesse either. it's just her and the old, empty house.

— ellie losing the fingers she uses to play the one song joel taught her..................................... she really doesn't have anything, does she?

— THE VISUALSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHH MY FUCKINGG GODD IT'S ALL SOO BEAUTIFULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love the overgrown city thing soo so much i think it's just so gorgeous when moss and plants and vines just grow all over everything and the grass is long and wahhh

like aaaahhh!!!!!!!!!!!! this is soo cool!!!!!!!!!! sorry if the quality is fucking garbage but aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i want more games in settings like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— MORE ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! flies. you can hear flies flying around before you're about to run into an infected place. and if it's not flies, than it's the stench - ellie makes notice of the bad smell around her yk signaling that there are rotting corpses and stuff laying around

— THE LITTLE SIDE STORIES THAT YOU GET TO READ ABOUT ARE SOOO COOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you find all these papers and letters, all different stories depending on what chapter you're in. you get to read about boris the archer who loses his shit when the wolves kill her daughter, and who ends up locking alive people into a room with spores bc they didn't want to go against the wolves. and then you get to read about a wolf who gets saved by a seraphite, and who ends up actually joining the other side!!!! idk i think they're such an interesting little feature to add to a game

— THE FIRST PROPER ENCOUNTER WITH THE SERAPHITES IS CRAZYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! here's a little link bc u really need to experience it okay i can't really put it into words even after playing it a few times that still makes me flinch lmao again

— to go with the point above: i think the horror/thriller aspect and the pacing of the game is just fucking brilliant. you've just gotten out of a fight and are now hoping to catch your breath but then as you're walking through the dark woods, you hear whistles??????? and then a hanging body?????????? but you don't see anyone else and you're just like????????????????????????????? and then the arrow happens and it scares the fuck out of you yay thanks game (affectionate i think the scare is very good i love getting jumped)

— you can find safes with a bunch of goodies in them, and while there is always a piece of paper with the code on it, you can actually just listen for the right clicks and you can open the safe without ever finding said piece of paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THOUGHS ABOUT GROUNDED (so far.. i'm more than halfway done with it)

— this is the hardest mode you could play on: there's no hud (you cannot see your health AT ALL and the only way to see how much ammo and stuff you have is when you go to your inventory, meaning that you mostly have to keep count of your bullets on your own)

— there's little to NO loot at all. i've had to go through areas with TWO BULLETS AND A BRICK yeah that wasn't too fun i won't even lie

— idk whether enemies actually have more health but you do have to consider that body shots don't do all that much,, so headshots are crucial

— a single shot can kill you:3 you don't have a big health bar to start with but considering that you're bound to take a hit no matter how stealthily you're trying to play - you're not even at max health for the most of the time.

— YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING PATIENT. at first i thought that running would have to be the way to go in quite a few areas just bc there are so many enemies and so little resources but that does not work. at all. you're very likely spotted (and they can fucking hear you) and most of the doors in the areas need you to kind of push them open? so that takes time too and well yeah if you're spotted that you can't fucking do that lmao

so going in guns blazing is obviously not an option either because you just don't have the ammo for it actually wait if this is coming off as me just sucking at the game by not having any ammo i'll have u know that i am actually doing relatively well i beat my first boss on the first try okay let me be

you have to make use of the few bricks and bottles that you find and you really have to master the Dodge move... smhh fists and knives it is bUT THEN AGAIN IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN GO AGAINST FIVE PEOPLE WITH GUNS AND DOGS WITH A FUCKING KNIFE NOW CAN I anyway i'm fine i'm doing okay actually don't talk to me

— but i am loving it. despite how hard it is at times, i definitely feel proud for even making it this far and i am very happy with how i'm doing. i'm also watching a gameplay on the side and the differences between the way he's playing and the way i'm forced to play are very funny!!!!

— oh!!!!!!!!! and one of my favourite things abt grounded is that you can't use listening mode at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm not a fan of it anyway but it does come in handy when you're in an area with a lot of enemies and a lots and lots of cover. not being able to get an understanding where somebody is can definitely be scary lmao i have uhh gotten shot in the head just as i take a corner bc well.. i didn't know... he was... there..... hgasghahgsghahgsahg STILL VERY FUN THOUGH!!!!!

— i'm pretty sure that enemies can also hear you reloading your gun if they're close enough lmao

++ OKOK THIS IT FOR NOW LMAO!!!!!! this felt really really good thank you for reading if you have actually reached the end,, i genuinely love talking about this game and all the small little nuances of it!!!!!!!!!!!! if u ever have any questions about it... or just wanna share ur own thoughts abt it my inbox is always open:333333 LOVE YOUU!!

[marco-polar-klepsky]

please rant abt eve. Please .

I know so many people have said this about Eve before, but what if the ever loving fuck is up with KC just not addressing Eve’s behavior

That specific update where Sly said that fen wasn’t actually bothered by it (just ignore literally every other arc up to arc 6) and played into the anger to make squeak happy was what made me want to actually get into the Sparklecrit community in the first place.

There are so many layers to my anger it’s unreal, simply starting with the retcon of Sly’s feelings about Eve’s teasing. It makes no sense to just suddenly change this right after Sky told Carl that Eve literally shoved her into a thornbush. Then there’s how shitty Eve’s teasing is in the first place with Sly’s hygiene. I also have difficulty keeping up with hygiene due to depression, dysphoria, sensory issues etc so Eve’s teasing always felt bad because I knew what it was like to be in Sly’s position. And just to add to my anger almost everyone treats Eve like she can do no wrong which is bullshit. It felt so weird how no one else saw how terrible Eve’s actions were, I felt like I had to like Eve despite her being genuinely unlikeable as a character.

I talked to my brother about it and just, the way Eve’s actions are just excused just doesn’t work when we know why Sly has such poor hygiene. If you tell me Sly has poor hygiene due to depression and dysphoria I’m going to think Eve making fun of fens hygiene is shitty even if she doesn’t know the full reason. I get Eve is KC’s self-insert and all but like squeak’s still an asshole, just because squeak’s your self-insert it doesn’t mean squeak’s actions should be ignored.

In general my least favorite characters in Cometcare have always been Ally and Eve, and the fact they never take accountability for their actions doesn’t help.

I have no clue if this is coherent but there is one thing I know for sure: I don’t wanna share a birthday with Eve please KC I already go through enough please just let a Ratfox have a break (and also the kin feels about Eve and Ally are more incoherent lmao)

[groggygrimalkin]

TW SA and Abuse,long heavy personal post

I guess I'm in a sappy mood so I'll talk about why Homestuck means so much to me. For a year I've kinda wanted to make a video about it, and maybe I will, but for now I just wanna talk abt it. I'm not tagging this as hs but serious trigger tag ahead please tell me if you want to tag this as anything

Okay so I got into Homestuck around 2011, I was being pretty heavily abused by my grandma and mom and also neglected by them which is a very weird ass combo, but a story about someone playing a game and having such close friends appealed to me (I also thought Homestuck was an anime before finding the comic and would look up like "Homestuck episode 1" and get mad when I couldnt find it lmao). Now keep in mind I was a child so like media literacy wasn't my strong suit but I still retained and understood a good ammount of stuff mainly about characters. Anyways as a child naturally does I started talking about it with all of my friends and tried to get them into it, and one friend got REALLY into it. The best I can describe it is like that episode of the Cuphead show where Mugman likes piano and Cuphead gets into it and immediately overshadows him. But I was still happy to have someone to talk about it with. My favorite characters at the time were Meulin, Nepeta, and Damara and I would happily talk about them, but the person would shit on me for liking Meulin claiming she was a bad person and constantly pointing out all her flaws, it annoyed me because they're favourite characters had TONS of flaws they didn't acknowledge but for some reason me loving Meulin was the worst thing ever. I also loved the Midnight Crew and later to my chagrin they did too. I kept reading as updates came out and soon Homestuck became their entire thing, I remember going over their house because at a certain point they were my only friend and they talked to me about Homestuck like I didn't introduce them to it. But yknow, okay, whatever. We would ship our ocs with Canon characters and pretend to be characters and stuff, pretty standard until one day they came over my house and insisted on being Dualscar. They wrote a fic about him doing it with one of my ocs and I was just kinda happy for the attention. Anyways we were rping in real life and I don't remember when, or how, but they had me pinned to the couch and were insistent I let them touch me because we were role-playing and they were Dualscar. Now I've always lowkey been ace, especially in my younger years, so I was pretty uncomfortable, and even if I wasnt asexual someone having you pinned down insisting on touching you when you're not consenting isnt a fun time. Anyways they did stuff like this a few times more in various places and would get mad when I said no to their advances. But for some reason I kept hanging out with them. They were gross and rude and pushy but the only friend I had. I remember them basically assigning me Diamonds Droog kin which I didn't care because I liked Droog(still do) and would pretend to be Slick and suprise suprise would try and molest me. I began to get bitter towards Homestuck, something I once loved was being used against me in one of the worst ways possible. It was a weird time because I would just begrudgingly read the updates I once loved. Anyways when I was 15 they molested me again and it was the worst one, like I wouldn't let my family members hug me for years type of bad. I remember the exact video I was watching when it happened, Game grumps playing Silent Hills PT. I couldn't watch that video for years after. I also remember them showing me really fucked up porn between characters and when I asked like "Hey isn't that weird?" They did the ol' "Ugh it's just fictional!!" Sheit. Anyways at a certain point Homestuck was just ruined for me. I finished it just to say I did and when people asked me if I liked it I would lie and say I didn't. Thankfully I broke it off with them after nine fucking years of knowing eachother. For years I continued to say I dislike homestuck until I got like 22...I stumbled upon Hiveswap and it was funny all of the troll and Alternia facts I could remember, I was hesitant at first and was still like "Ugh but I don't REALLY like it!!" And then I saw....Them....

It was a weird feeling accepting that "Yep I like Homestuck I've been lying to myself for years" and I bought friendsim. I was hooked emmediately. It was like a flood of love I had for homestuck when I started in 2011 all came rushing back, the person who hurt me didn't matter, all that mattered is that I was enjoying it again. Tbh like alot of stuff from my first read was sort of still in my mind, so I stuck to watching recap videos and reading segments I couldnt remember and holy shit there was so much I missed as a child. And then I got Hiveswap and BAM I'm hooked even more, and then

AND THEN...

I rewatched and re-read the first intermission...

And it was set in stone that I'm a Homestuck at heart. It was like walking into a bar I hadn't been to in years and all of my old friends were there to welcome me, I was enjoying something again that used to bring me so much comfort before it was ruined for me, but it didn't have to be anymore. I think I sobbed when I realized that. It feels nice to enjoy something that for years was soured for me.

Uh yeah that's why homestucka and hiveswap means so much to me. Opening this blog has been an amazing way for me to get into the fandom which I never have before. I'll probably be an old man talking about leprechauns and trolls but I'll be happy.

[wolfsoulchild]

Hey! So I'm on a mission to make sure the alterhuman/non-human/otherkin/and so many others/ communities are properly represented. I'm a snow leopard kin and voidkin myself and know that there are a lot of misconceptions about us, a long with just not much information on some certain topics about our communities. With all of that being said, if you were to see more writing about our communities, what do you think needs to be mentioned more often?

i totally didnt forget i had asks in my askbox nooo pshhh what do you mean? /sarc /j

anyways.

honestly wanna see more fiction-based identity representation. as a fictive-heavy system we still get weird shit said to us like every week.

i wish that i didnt have to fend off multiple other people with misconceptions about who i am because of my sources. i just live here dude. ive had some wack ass scenarios with like..even other fictives and fictionfolk

anyways.

i wish people also talked abt the dark side of things too. i know more recent things and essays sometimes talk abt the darker nature of our identities, but dude there's still so much farther to go. for example i write dark fiction to cope with different things i got goin on and like some other folks really, really want me to not post it even with the warnings attached.

im just a guy. just a little feral gremlin, if you will. i guarantee that i try to be as nice as i can (despite bein bitchy) and i wishhh that i didnt have so many issues just bein a guy. people should write abt being feral and beastly more often. i think writing dark things will fix me, actually.

this was def more of a ramble but thats what you get with us. we always love when people write tho...writing is one of our passions. art and self expression and showing the world who you are without being ashamed (within reason of being safe and yk, not dyin or some shit) is what we live for. idk how many of our followers came from our panel on being punk but like...idk. im cringe and free and i refuse to be quiet about it.

write more, read more, share more, educate more. tell others abt who you are because you never know who will relate and find a home in your words. write more fictionfolk stuff and also write things that make you happy. fuck cringe culture, be fuckin free. be the change you wish to see.

anyways.

thanks for the ask!! we looove asks sm people should ask us more things. stay safe out there folks!

-Clockwork

[gab-has-adhd]

honestly i just got into hxh and . came across ur blog (this post specifically) & i have so much to say regarding illumi / his character (im sorry you're gonna have to listen 😭🤞) anyways onto why i hate this man:

it's so bad kinning him. like so so bad. i've noticed a repetition in which i aggressively relate to characters in animes who were shitty siblings or have shitty relationships w their siblings (think shigaraki from bnha, tsukishima from haikyuu, kirishima from tokyo ghoul, etc.) and it's ridiculous bc the only way i'd ever have realized i lived in a very dangerous (abusive) environment was practically thru watching these characters in shows do the exact same or similar things i did to my own family. and what my family did to me. and what my parents families did to THEM. & i was in denial for literal Years over this and stopped watching anime for like. weeks afterward bc i just cld not face the idea that what my family did to me was horrible (still am in denial but we dont talk abt that.) its just so bad but its even worse w illumi because he's the eldest & we never actually get to SEE his suffering, we just see the end product (which is an almost puppet-like fucked up human being.)

& the part in ur post abt being unable to be truly mad despite them doing everything wrong and messing up ur childhood - i FELT that. like its insane how we (those who understand the zoldycks) all seem to have collective trauma over our families

i cld go on forevr but i do Not wanna be that person 😭😭 yeah im sorry. but i love this series so much i regret not watching itearlier </3

Aaaaaa I feel you anon! The family trauma is real ✌️😔✌️

But see I think I am personally unable to hate Illumi because, well, I feel so close to him. My kin feels for him are ridiculously high at this point. Like I fully aknowledge that Illumi is a horrible, vile, fucked up, despicable mess of a man and I will never ever defend his actions. He was so ruined by his families behavior and his own trauma he basically turned like them and passed that trauma on his own little brother (Killua), this is terrifying. This is so sad.

But Illumi neing a fucked up mess is also what makes me love him because I think despite everything profoundly bad he did in his life, I still feel sympathy for him.

I have that feeling I would have developped Illumi-like personality traits (extremely manipulative and controlling) if I haven't had so many amazing friends and if I turned out to be way, way, way less naturally kind.

When I say I kin Illumi because "I want to look like him", it obviously does not mean I want to be a massive asshole. What I love and envies in Illumi is probably his whole detached and emotionless behaviour, which I am like 100% sure he developped to cope with his trauma. And he's the eldest, while I am the youngest sibling and I have always hated being the youngest LMAO. Also hhhhh he pretty. Beautiful poor little meow meow.

I truly believe Togashi will end up telling us about Illumis childhood. Like Hisokas childhood I sincerely hope he will never share this with us because I just feel like it would be ruining the whole character, but Illumi? We have to see his childhood.

The day he decides to share this with us, I feel like I am going to have the biggest catharsis moment (tm) ever in my whole life.

Fun fact: I also happen to kin Killua. This is extremely confused in my brain JFJRJJJDJS

Thanks for your message Anon <3 it makes me happy to see I am not the only one who relates (too much) on traumatized characters because of family reasons.

Have a nice morning/day/evening 🙏

[kunikame]

rant & slight idolish7 spoilers warning !!!!!

i verbally cannot describe how much comfort i7 brings me, genuinely. no matter how many times i watch it i just dont get bored of it, instead i notice new details and see new meanings behind certain words, scenes and actions. i love the characters so much ... theyre just so ... so adorable and relatable, you cant avoid them growing on you. the songs too !!!! the songs and characters make me so so happy, i adore them !

sogo and his violent impulses 😭 its always the quiet and composed people i swear. him collapsing from stress is very relatable. i admire his reasoning for doing music, i wish i had the same resolve HAHAHA except i vant even bring myself to tinker with my piano anymore :,)

tamaki and his childishness. it might be annoying to some, and he is very hard to deal with for sogo, but i think its endearing. hes self aware about being a bit on the dumber side but still tries his best .. i just wanna give him a hug and headpats and i hope he and aya get to be together again soon :( let the siblings be happy fr ...

yamato and his sincere want for the others to be happy and successful. what started out as a revenge mission became genuine affection toward the other 6 and i think thats amazing. he just gradually took on the role of the older brother/tired dad without even realizing and now hes stuck with them doing his best to ensure their happiness because he genuinely loves them :(

nagi and his comedic relief and wise moments ! i think nagi is reduced to simply comedic relief by most as he is just a silly pretty boy 80% of the time but hes actually very smart and theres so much we still dont know about him !! i sure hope we get some insights to him soon. and haruki aswell !!! i need to know more abt their friendship and the songs and everything !!

iori and his cute traits. he may be the youngest but he acts like the most mature (after yamato and sogo ofc) and his sincere want to ensure the success of i7 is admirable if im being honest. i adore his less composed moments though! makes me realize even picture perfect people have their quirks :) i love his friendly banters with riku and how he likes cute things and stationary and how he takes care of riku and mitsuki and and i love iori a normal amount i promise

riku and his sincerity. whatever hes feeling, you can just tell. hes so easy to take care of and while he might be insecure, hes really what holds them all together. he just shines as their center and hes so precious and his energy just makes you all warm n fuzzy and his smile just radiates joy and . i wish i could keep him in my pockets and carry him around.

mitsuki and the way i relate to him. the insecurities and being swallowed by them, running away from my problems and being the 2nd choice or not even a choice at all, not feeling good enough and just being average at everything i do, always being outshined and everything. hes so effortlessly funny and precious and i love his energy and his pretty smile and the way hes just so .. sunshine. yknow? i kin him can you tell

i could talk about i7 for ages but this is tumblr and not a fic so nobody will read it anyway HAHAHA i feel like im writing a diary entry or something. i could go on and on about how happy this show makes me even if i cry because of those specific mezzo n mitsuki insecure arcs but im gonna keep it short for this post haha

sorry i nerded out on the tl! if you read this i hope i piqued your interest in i7 (if i didnt still thank you for reading!) and if you didnt i hopr you have a great day after scrolling /gen

maybe one day when someone asks me abt i7 irl ill go on a longer rant and my eyes will sparkle and ill wave my hands around animatedly while talking about the show but then ill realize im rambling and im probably annoying and theyre not really interested but theyll be looking at me and asking me why i stopped talking except that wont happen bc fics arent real and i genuinely am annoying to most people HAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[kitty8roses]

This is what I sent to her lol (under a cut tho bc im not that mean)

DONT LOOK UNDER THIS CUT FOR GIVEN SPOILERS!!!!

Ritsuka quickly realizes that Mafuyu is an exceptionally talented singer, and invites him to join the band. Ritsuka learns that Mafuyu's guitar was previously owned by Yuuki, Mafuyu's childhood friend and boyfriend who died in an apparent suicide. The band begins composing music in advance of a live performance, but Mafuyu is unable to write lyrics for the song.

On the day of the performance, Mafuyu has a breakthrough and sings a powerful song about his feelings of loss over Yuuki. The song prompts Ritsuka to realize his romantic feelings for Mafuyu; he kisses him backstage, and they begin dating shortly thereafter.

The band names itself – "Given", in tribute to the guitar given to Mafuyu by Yuuki – and begin to develop a following after posting a video of their live performance online. Given qualifies for a major amateur music festival, and begin preparing new material. Their efforts are complicated when Akihiko, who Haruki secretly has romantic feelings for, becomes involved with his roommate and ex-boyfriend Ugetsu.

Ok so in the beginning of our show: our first protag mafuyu sato is seen walking to school In the rain (with an umbrella tho lol) he says, as narrator, “mafuyu is not lonely.” And also some other stuff that’s all vibe you know? So THIS is repeated through out the series with him saying that “mafuyu isn’t lonely” especially when something bad happens. The thing is he IS lonely. Why you may ask? Well, his ex boyfriend from middle school killed himself and he thinks it’s his fault and stuff. They had gotten into an argument and he drank himself to death. RIP yuki. The only time where I personally believe this statement of ‘not loneliness’ is true is after Uenoyama (other protagonist and love interest) kisses him. I think that’s very swagger. Right before sed kiss mafuyu sang a song that he wrote at a live performance with da band about his heartbreak with yuki’s death. The person he truly loved. It’s called fuyu no hashi and I recommend you give it a listen it’s really good. Uhm but uhhh he realizes after da kiss that he has a new love ❤️ Ue! Yay canon gay ship time let’s party owah owah

NOW I wanna talk abt the opening and op lyrics. They are SO GOOD. they explain Mafuyu’s situation so we’ll just *mwah*. I think it’s called kizuato. There’s this one part where the singer (which could be interpreted as mafuyu despite it not be8gn his voice) says “Rainy, sunny and cloudy

Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. 365 days. You remain in all of them.” When he says the last line “you remain in all of them” we see mafuyu holding his guitar when a pair of arms wraps around him from behind like a hug. He shifts and kind of like compresses himself? Like you know what would happen if you got a hug. These arms are kinda transparent and they disappear before the line and that clip is over. AT FIRST before I knew about yuki and all that I thoguht they were from his late dad but now I believe the arms belong to yuki. Mafuyu’s dad was abusive and hit him when he spoke and I thoguht that would be the part of his trauma the show focused on but it wasn’t, instead they focused on yuki and his death more. Anyways I thoguht that was cool and representative of what happened pretty well.

Part of it also makes me wanna cry tho. It says “Dig them out. Take away these memories. The invisible voices that wouldn't reach. That Make me suffer/ suffocate me. Search deeper and take a look at this pain inside of me.” Specifically the “take away these memories” part just,, damn. And the invisible voices thing is just too fucking relatable. I’m so sorry Mafuyu

Oh god now I’m getting emotional about fictional boys who play guitar in front of my friends. Sorry guys.

Anyways. Main statement of the song time. “Everything you left behind, became my everything.” D a m n. Not only could he be talking about the guitar the he owns that is from Yuki he could also just be talking about the memories. ‘All the memories you left me, became the only thing that brought me comfort’ and that’s just... so sad man. He LOVED this boy. So much :/ It’s equally as sad with the guitar too. Because of how desperately he wanted to learn to play. For yuki’s sake because YUKI loved music. ‘This guitar you (kinda your mom but wtv lol) gave me, became my life” because it DOES become his life. When he finally accepts new love is after singing fuyu no hanashi. He finally lets go of all the pent up grievance and emotions while singing that song.

Now that point flows perfectly into our next one. It’s a possibility This will be the last one so just bear with me, please! So, one of Mafuyu’s main things is that he never knows how to respond or react the “proper” way. First of all!!!! NEURODIVERGENT KING. Second of all!!!! He talks about how he just doesn’t feel emotions as strongly or just the right way as other people. And how he can’t bring himself to cry and can’t cry despite losing his true love. After the kiss, mafuyu cries. A started clapping for him like yay!!! An icon ❤️ not only did he find a new love and move through some trauma but he also experienced a lot of emotions that he struggles to experience! That’s so good for him 💕💕But yeah he’d been talking about in the show how he just couldn’t “cry or laugh as hard as the other people could” which I can understand very well. It can feel dehumanizing at times so I’m really happy for him. One of the main reasons I kin him!

This brings me into a sort of continuation point about how no thought brain empty emotionless kin time. Sorry o just had to write that out Bc my nose started bleeding and I had to go take care of that and also not forget my clause (again). Mafuyu talks to Uenoyama about how everyone thinks that he doesn’t have emotions or doesn’t have thoughts because of how quiet he is and how emotionless he seems. And how he’s come to kind of believe it himself (a sort of ‘am I really thinking ever’ type beat). Ue kinda-over-aggressively is liek “hell no!!!! No way brain not have thought >:(“ like a old you know? And yes KIN TIME. not to make it about me or anything but I’m also constantly told/it’s joked about how I don’t have emotions. I just kinda roll with it tho.

I wanna say one more thing to end off on a note that isn’t about me but I can’t think of one so let me think. So much for that other one being the last shsndujsjjsidj

:OOOOO ok so I’m rewatching given and I just noticed another thing

So in the beginning, the VERY FIRST thing mafuyu talks about is how he keep shaving the same dream over and over again (this is to himself when he’s walking to school). Then, we see a clip of this dream. He is standing in front of someone (but it’s kinda shadowed so I didn’t see the other person the first time) and his eyes go wide and he grips his guitar so hard one of the strings snap.

Not only do I realize that 1) that dream actually happened: hs8 is a scene from when he fo7nd yuki’s body hanging (mafuyu was the one who found him dead). You can tell from the bottles on the ground (yuki got super drunk and then hung himself). this is why mafuyu’s guitar string is broken for Uenoyama to later fix.

I also realize 2) that this dream actually happened. I realized this when watching the show the first time tho lol. Right before the big concert, mafuyu accidentally breaks his guitar string again. And then Ue has to go run to the music store and buy a new one. That’s why there’s a look of desperation on his face when it happens because, Uenoyama brought his hope back by fixing the string the first time but now he messed it up again. Thank the lord for Haruki and reminding them it can be fixed!

Last thing 3) I talked about the hug scene in the last rant right? Well, when mafuyu broke the strings the first time (upon discovering yuki’s body), he mirrored the motions that he made in the hug scene in the opening. I think I described it as him shifting his body and guitar and like compressing himself? Yeah.

I realized one last minuscule thing while writing this but I doubt you care.

[betaamity]

i had to draw them out to remember which/how many emojis i wanted to send you and i ended up being funny on it so i’m sending you just the emojis i drew out and you can guess which they are

🥺 - i care you…

;w; i feel very cared abt,,, thank you,,,

👺 - you make me so infuriatingly angry <3

i try my best uwu

🐕 - GRRR RUFF RUFF BARK SNARL GGGG RUFF BARK BARK

bark bark growl uh bark ruff bark

🖍 - youre so good at art dont deny it

i am drowning in commissions but so much executive dysfunction to the point i cant work on them please send help i shouldve gone to cooking college instead /j

🐸 - frog

froge,,,,

🔮 - i cast mutual *bonks you*

-cue that earthbound music that i wish was a meme for longer than it was-

🥳 - you unironically make me happy

YOU MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY TOO IM

💍 - we r married :)

yeah the moment you changed your username we just kinda legally got married, you didnt know this?

it just kinda like got really finalized when literally the first halves of our kin lists are just different halves of the same ships

it was in the contract and everything, marcy, i thought you read it

🥰 - i feel like were good friends !

i feel like we are too!!! youre literally the only person i will genuinely stay up all night talking to pf ft

🦀 - lets evolve into the same animal for protection

🦀🦀🦀protecc🦀🦀🦀

🚆 - i wanna see you irl SO BAD

BET, i genuinely wanna see you too!! 🥺👉👈

🎪 - we should clown together sometime !

i literally own a squeaky clown nose and a lot of leftover face paint lets fuckin go (i tried to find a meme so intead im gonna take this seriously)

ask emojis

[shadowfae]

okay, I’ll stay for as long as I’m awake, I’m more than happy to speak abt my experiences even tho you’d probably have to correct terminology a bit w me! the way I link(?) w characters goes from “this character encapsulates things I want to be” to “my similarity to them is mirror like to the point that calling them me isn’t entirely inaccurate and can be jarring” to “I project onto them and have absorbed them into me, probably because I write them like I’m writing me” (that was a bit of a tangent from your answer rip). I’m not sure if I would fit in w the coping link community since I don’t think I’m “coping” w anything in particular,,

Copinglinking doesn’t actually require coping! It was made because people decided to use the word ‘copingkin’, despite the fact it’s not kin, but it was a pidgin word to explain it, and then we were like (or specifically, Page was like) “Okay well it’s coping, but not ‘kin, and it’s voluntary. Coping....link?” and then it was expanded to also cover all voluntary identities, because you don’t owe anyone the explanation of if you’re using it to cope or not. People have also said otherlinking, and that works too! But they mean the same thing, and coping isn’t required for it.

Using a character as your goal in life isn’t particularly an alterhuman experience, honestly I’d call that a comfort character of sorts if nothing else. Mirroring, the second of those, is exactly my experience with Takanashi Yomi and definitely falls into copinglinking. As an aside, it can also fall into paratypes if the mirroring is through a kintype, and not just your this-life experiences. Yomi fits into both, but she was a linktype before paratype was a word, so I’m not changing it. The third, projection, is absolutely copinglinking if you want it to be and a major comfort character if not. The difference being ‘do I see this character as me, or do I just see me in them?’

Like, okay, let’s take the best example I have of that third one, because I know exactly what you’re talking about. Me and Pisces Albafica, from Saint Seiya the Lost Canvas. His story, tl;dr, is child raised in isolation by a single dad because dad is a biological weapon who kills anyone he bleeds around because poison blood, who takes on the poison blood to make sure his dad isn’t lonely forever and then ultimately kills him by having better poison blood, then goes to war for the goddess who made them into weapons and spends six years being pissed off that everyone thinks he’s the most beautiful girl on the planet and all he wants is to cultivate roses, be nice to people, and beat the shit out of anyone who’s dumb enough to challenge him.

For a trans man with serious gender and species dysphoria, who is conventionally attractive for a girl and who has always been reduced to ‘pretty’, you can see how I might see myself in that, project like hell onto the man, and then I gave him my species dysphoria and that was it, we were done, there was no way I was gonna stop loving him.

Alba’s a comfort character for me. I feel seriously Bad when folks do things with his character that don’t match my idea of him, because yes, it does feel like they’re hurting me when they do that. (It has nothing to do with me, and I need to fucking chill and not be so territorial, but it does feel that way.) 

However. The reason he isn’t a copinglink is because I don’t identify as him. We’re similar. We play similar roles and every decision he’s made is one I could have made, though I have more of a temper than he does and it takes him longer to get angry. I identify with him. I could play him and he could play me, but I’m not him. We’re ‘same hat!’ over ‘that’s. that’s just me, dude’. I understand him as well as I understand myself. But he’s not me, and I’m not him.

That distinction is fine, and the answer you’d be looking for. Are they you? Or do they just play a role you understand too well on the stage? Answer that, and you know if it’s a linktype, a kintype, or a comfort character.

It’ll probably take you a while. Unfortunately, that’s how most experiences go in this community, but do write them down and tell me about it, I wanna know. :p

[transheavy]

003 with medic for the ask meme... and maybe 002 with heavymedic (obviously without the nsfw question) Im Geniunely Curious

send me a thing and ill tell you all about my views on that character/fandom/ship!

003 - Medic

How I feel about him: I LOVE HIM!!!!! hes such a giant dork, and I always get attached to characters like him (its 100% bc my boyfriend is also an irl mad scientist sh) and they just make me really happy, and also i project myself a LOT on him....he was the first one I was introduced to and i always had an eye on him and Heavy!!!!!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

- Heavy Weapons Guy

- Misha

- Heavy

- The Tallest Class In TF2

- my first tf2 kin

My unpopular opinion about this character: he is NOT a sadist. he cares deeply about his team, but also i feel like hes not the 100% dad figure hes made out to be? to me hes more of a choatic uncle but i do think hed make a good dad. just a dad with uncle vibes. hes also fucking feral and emotional and i wish people let him be that!!!

One thing I wish would be comfirmed / happen in canon: JEWISH MEDIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and also heavymedic!!!!!!!!!!!

My OTP: HEAVYMEDIC!!!

OT3: dont have one for Ludwig sadly!!!

002: HeavyMedic

When I started to ship it: Durning my hardcore Overwatch phase over a year ago! I wasnt into TF2 but im a HUGGGGGEEE roadrat stan (its. one of my biggest fucking comforts ever) and it gave me really big roadrat vibes, I just didnt wanna let go of my ovw hyperfocus,,but i read fics and i enjoyed it! I didn't start start until i stumbled across a SUPERRRRRRRR sweet fic and it just. made me fall in love!!!! oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! id talk about them so much more if I wasnt so scared of making them ooc

What makes me happy about them: first off, it reminds me of me and my bf which makes me SUPER stimmy and happy!!!! It also reminds me of a lot of other comforts I have, like Reanimator and Roadrat which....(:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also just love the little guy/big guy dyamnic, im SUCH a softie for ships like that and.....(((((:!!!!!

What makes me sad about them: the entirety of Naked and The Dead, first off (minus the end) and the amount that Medic missed Heavy when he was gone and also the fucking dumbasses in this community who bitch abt the ship

Things done in fanfics that annoy me: MAKING ! MEDIC ! WEAK!!!! medic can hold his own and hes a very strong man, emotionally and physically, for FUCKS sake he looked the devil in the eyes and said "FUCK you" for the most part, and I also dont like Heavy being potrayed as stupid or god forbid fucking abusive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I look for in a fic: ....jewish medic....also my adhd prevents me from reading long fics so I rlly enjoy one shots!!! Also ones where Heavy is being comforted make me super happy, or where theyre on an equal playing field

Who I'd be comfy with them ending up with if not one another?: idk??? maybe medic and engie but....//: im not sure i dont like any other pairing minus them together

My happily ever after for them: THEYRE MARRIED AND RAISE THE BABOON BABIES AS THEIR OWN GN

[many-gay-magpies]

So I have an irl STAY friend now

I wasn't super close to them before (not hostile or anything, just not CLOSE close), and I knew she liked kpop, but for me there's a big difference between irl ppl liking kpop and Irl ppl liking STRAY KIDS. Probably cuz SKZ are my ults but whatever.

Anyway, one lunch like a week ago, I was innocently on tumblr while I was eating, scrollin and stuff, and scrolled past a gif of Felix. No biggie, right? I get attacked on the regular. But this dude. THIS DUDE. They apparently glanced over my shoulder right then, and I shit you not their ENTIRE FACE LIT UP,, and it basically came out one word when they went--

"ISTHATLEEFELIX??"

And I swear to god that was the happiest moment of my life to date, because once I confirmed that I did indeed stan stray kids, this dude literally PUMPED THEIR ARMS IN THE AIR, yelling "finally!!!" And my heart just--💓💓💓, ya know??

So anyways, that was fun, and we talked abt Stray Kids mildly for the rest of lunch.

The next couple of lunches, I didn't wanna seem overboard (because i kind of have a wariness of what level of kpop fan i should express as, even around other kpop fans, for fear of being judged), and was, like, slooowly easing into mega stay territory. But I showed them a gif of Hyunjin bodyrolling that I downloaded on my phone and they literally convulsed and went "yoU SHOULD HAVE WARNED ME" so I was pretty much in safe territory, I thought? And for the rest of that lunch we freaked out over hot skz pics together.

As we were leaving the lunch room, we were having a discussion abt Hyunjin turning people straight (both of us are girl-lovin only), then they went "But Minho tho." And i was like "MINHOOOEEE." And we also talked about how Woojin is the only dom in Stray Kids (which we agreed on). They went "wait, what about Minho?" And I told them "Nah, Minho's like, mega switch. He's either a hard dom or a fucking brat and theres no in between." And they 100% agreed and it was GREAT. Then we were trying to figure out what the hell Minho was, because we were both certain him and all of SKZ were not men, and I went as we were saying goodbye "Wait- He's a MinHOE." And they went "meanhoe." And i may have literally ascended to heaven. I felt like I'd found my STAY kin.

[I was still kinda wary tho, cuz a couple weeks ago an irl friend i have that was a mega fan of blackpink and some other groups, that I felt pretty comfortable talking about my love of skz to, jokingly called my love of skz an "obsession". I told her it made me super insecure and she felt really bad and apologized big time,, but my trust was still iffy.]

ANYWAY NOT THE POINT. Anyway this dude and I spent all of lunch freaking out over attractive skz bois together, then killed the rest of our lunch table by showing them. I'm pretty sure i watched the life fade out of one girl's eyes as she looked at Hyunjin, so that was great. My anxious ass was still hesitant to be a full-on, all-out explosive Stay, but ya know.

And then the third lunch i had with this dude (the most recent one) they DEADASS WALKED IN, LOOKED ME IN THE EYES, and went,,

"Red light green light swag. Buy or wassup man."

And I swEAR my atheist ass saw god for a second there. That lunch was the best, cuz we talked really in depth the whole time about SKZ - They asked me what my favorite tracks were, then they told me theirs and we had a big long chat abt THAT; also about Changbin's rap. We also sang "RED LIKE GREEN LIGHT SWAG" like five times before lunch ended. Their favorite tracks are Voices and M.I.A (stan underated kings), and they legit said "I'm emo, so yeah they're my favorite tracks" and yeah i died. We also made, like, ten skz meme references/inside jokes sooo

OH I ALMOST FORGOT

The best part: THEY GAY TOO

We're both only attracted to women, and we deadass had a whole conversation during that second lunch that was basically just us vibin about being lesbian STAYs together. We both had the very funny realization that, despite how much we freak out over their gorgoues-ass faces and body rolls and fashion, they pull up their shirts and show the abs or whatever and we're both just like "...eh. cool i guess... meh." and it was grEAT [that lead to me going "Hyunjin is the one person to make me question whether or not I'm 100% gay" and they went "ooh Minho too tho" and I went "MINHO TOO HOLY SHIT" and then we vibin]

Anyway I'm having lunch with them again tommorow (if i dont get a snow day) and I'm super excited,, the last two B days I spent literally all day looking forward to lunch, like, it was the highlight if my entire school day. so. yeAH I'M REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW thats all for today sorry and thank you for going through my rant if you read this far or read at allllll

[scourgefrontiers]

HOW are u so open abt being a kinnie if i try to do that i die on the spot....teach me ur confidence

ive lost all my boundaries irt being a kinnie i think

like.  this is MY space.  i should be able to post abt this stuff in my space.  if u wanna come into my space then u have to deal with my kinnie stuff and thats that

plus like !!!  kin stuff has become a big part of who i am (whether thats good or not has yet to be determined but lol) so i wanna post about it, yknow?  it makes me happy and its not hurting anyone so i should be able to post abt it on my own accounts right

ive AT LEAST been posting kin stuff on kin-specific sideblogs though. like.  i talk abt general kin stuff on main but when it comes to specific things like when im shifting i’ll go to the blogs i have set up b/c they dont have as many followers and the ones that do follow them know what im about already so thats fine

idk. im just living my best life 

[zyx]

fav mutuals and why? let's spread some love 💓

i had this in my inbox for so f long, im sorry :/ also i wanted to say that its a cliche but i love all my mutuals lmao i mostly added ppl who ive known for a longer period of time ?… anyway sorry again for replying like 2 months later oops!

@jjngwoo ; i think lucy is the person ive known on here for the longest time, i can’t even remember how long its been… like 8 years skjdkjf and i love her a fucking lot. we sometimes spend a lot of time w/o talking but when we talk again its like time never passed. i hope that at this point she knows how much i love her and how much i care about her. she’s super sweet, and nice and funny and i love having her in my life :(

@thatsummerain ; anna is like… the only person who know me best? like she knows a lot of things that i’ve never said to anyone else and we dont talk a lot lately which its so f*kin sad but she has always been there for me, has listened to me when i needed and she..just has been an amazing friend to me. i wish i could be a better friend for her, but i guess sometimes i just focus too much in my own problems and im a mess so i feel like im not a good friend. but i love her so much and i hope she hasnt forgetten and uh yeah :(

@louiswmalik ; please ash is like… my long time crush lmfao i dont remember who followed who first but she has always been like a zouie queen so i kinda admired her from afar and i was happy she was following me and that she actually liked me ajksjkf cos she’s so cool and idk, im glad she re-followed me when she knew my new identity lmaoooo and just. im happy we’re still in contact and that im able to see her pretty face every now and then !

@nellyhoran ; rita can suck my ass for all i care?????? but akjsjkf honestly i hate her sometimes but she’s like. i love being friends with her even tho we dont agree in a lot of stuff. we’re mostly always saying dumb stuff when we talk lol but when we have like deep conversations its like….. interesting LOL. we have a lot of memories and yes, im gonna mention that one time we were drunk off of our asses and did a lot of stupid AND embarrassing things…….god. she’s super funny and always make me laugh and always make me want to block her but we left that behind just like we did with [redacted]. mi ratmommy …luv u

@blazinginbus1 ; honestly i dont know anyone thats as nice and sweet as emily. ive told her this a lot of times but idk what i did to deserve someone like her in my life. she’s always encouraging me, and telling me nice things when im feeling down and whether or not i believe her its nice to know someone cares and that i have someone out there i can always talk to. we havent talked much but the times we actually did been nice. em is funny, caring, and such a positive person that everyone deserves to have in their lives. im glad i met her and i love her a lot!!!!!! 

@birdmen​ ; kjskjsf pls we have like the most iconic relationship. i think we never talked when we were both into 1d, it was until we both were free from them that we started talking abt how we dont like henry ajksjkf also e sent me one video that changed my life forever and thats basically what tied us akjsjkf i liked how it never was awks to talk to her, and how until now we can message each other about literally anything and itll be like we’ve been talking every day. they’re really easy going and thats what i like the most about them!!!!! im glad we’re still friends and uhhh ilu e :(

@magnusgoatee ; jo!!!!! she has always been so nice with me since day 1! we’ve talked a few times when we were both zouies lol and its so nice to be still mutuals with her cuz i love her so much and i love seeing her on my dash!!!! also i love having jo as a friend on fb ajksjf i wish we can be mutuals till one of us deletes lmao 

@myloxylcto​ ; i??????? love rehab like we havent talked in so long and i dont even know if she still likes me even a bit lmfao but she has been one of my faves ever and :((((( i love telling her how pretty she is cuz its true… also as far as i remember shes still my gf so… :) i got di most preddie girl ! shes so funny and shes just…. iconic, a queen, id die for her

@dokyungsu​ ; UHHHHHHH what can i say abt ren…… she’s like super nice akjskjf and idk i love how we just kind of started interacting and then she just became my babygurl~ and she’s always so nice with me????? like telling me cute things and i love her a lot, i wanna get to know her more tho. college can choke cuz its taking her away from me…….. 

i love everyone who ive ever interacted even if it was just once….. but…..yeah akhskjsf

[kuj6-blog]

JOSUKE & silver chariot!! + 3, 7, 10, 15, 16!! & for any id you wanna (or even multiple w the same questions?!!)

@purplehazed

FOR MY JOSUKE CANON !!! TONIO!!! because you are a Big Kind Friend and you’d hug me if u met me probably

FOR SILVER CHARIOT i’d say!! fugo (duh) but other than that!! avdol because you are a big friend and you make me feel warm inside

ANNNND im doing both for id questions hehhe under the cut

3. a favourite canon area?

FOR josuke!! probably the countryside and ocean areas of morioh!! the weather was usually nice and clear and i’d go out a lot with my friends

TBHHH for silver chariot i liked anywhere that was secure/safe because polnareff had Bad Luck and it usually affected everyone around him but having a sense of security made me happy since i wouldn’t really have to worry about him or the others getting hurt (bc he’d blame himself)

7. favourite scents from your canon?

HMMMMMMM when okuyasu Tried he actually had this rly cheap shampoo/body wash and even though it was like. cheap store brand i thought the smell was nice... it reminded me of the ocean!!

i mostly liked fresh air but smelling things like faint cigarette smoke...flower.... food (but far Away you feel) reminded me a lot of polnareff’s hometown bc it was pretty much my home too!! and it smelled like this often and it was so lively (but quiet at the same time!!! idk how else to explain!!)

10. do you like how the fandom portrays your kin/id?

UMMMMMM Kinda? theres a certain artist who does a+ josuke work and really delves into his characterization but i really really really hate when ppl make josuke..........a sex beast....?? esp. around okuyasu (or god forbid, rohan... did you know i hate josuhan with ever fibre of my being) also im a nerd but i love it when ppl make josuke cheesy like.... making music references (prince... etc)

I WISH THERE WAS MORE SILVER CHARIOT CONTENT but from what i’ve seen people.... rely too much on those two episodes where polnareff got turned into a kid??? like they assume silver chariot would Still act the same as an adult and im like..............No...... Pwease.................. imho the best silver chariot is the one where it’d do anything and everything to protect polnareff or follow his wishes (REQUIEM...................)

15. name a favourite person in your canon!

OKUYASU OBVIOUSLY but other than that!!! i dont really think i can choose!! i love jotaro... koichi.... joseph... I LOVED ALL OF MY FRIENDS

annnd i also really really really love polnareff i love that guy but i liked how star platinum was pretty cool and i kinda envied him sfhfdhgfh

16. did you like life in your canon?

I DID!!!! i was laid back pretty much but school and the sudden increase in stand users in morioh was Really Stressful (ESPECIALLY THE KIRA ARC HHHHH)

TBH??? as long as i was needed i was happy and i wasn’t really ever gonna give that up

TY FOR SEND I LOVE TALKING ABT MY MEMORIES AAAAHH i wuv u fugo good frien