#i wanna do ones that will help me connect with other fans of things that mean a lot to me

[fabulouslygaybean]

i wish romance wasn't so hard to understand. how the fuck do i even tell these things apart

[sureuncertainty]

okay so i've fully settled on doing Andrew again for megacon, but i'm going all four days this year and I wanna do at LEAST two cosplays, possibly three! i wanna bring back Nikola TMA too and do it RIGHT this time, but then I also really wanna do a TLT one... which I was gonna do Palamedes but in that case I'd wanna go with someone who can do Camilla and idk anyone who would be willing/able to. plus i'm gonna be blonde so I might need a wig for that so idkkk

[luveline]

hotch's sister x spencer where hotch notices she's wearing spencer's clothes?

—You and Spencer get one another in trouble with your older brother. fem!reader, 1k

Your brother, though you’re adopted, has passed down onto you many things. Mostly his frown, but more embarrassingly his high-pitched giggle when something is startlingly funny. 

You laugh like a hyena at something Spencer’s said. He tries to grab you before you walk straight into his desk corner, but he’s too slow. You whack your hip and laugh again, this time in pain, bending over to grab at your wound in defeat. 

“Oh my god,” he says, trying not to laugh loudly, his efforts turning his own laugh into a giggle like yours as he bends down to see you, “are you okay?” He laughs so much he can barely ask. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” you squeeze between a laugh, letting him pull you into a standing position. 

“What is it?” he asks, grabbing your hip, which worsens your laughter all over again. “What?” 

“You’re super handsy, Dr. Reid.” 

A sharp clearing of the throat echoes. You tense up, begging Spencer mentally not to give you away, but his hand practically flies back into his chest like you’ve burned him. 

You turn to the office. “Hi, Aaron.” 

Aaron Hotchner stands at the balcony overlooking the bullpen where you and Spencer stand. “Honey. Just give me two minutes and I’ll come down, okay?” 

You give a big smile. “Yes, sir.” 

His eyes move to Spencer. You watch Aaron decide to leave it alone and can’t help laughing for the hundredth time today as your brother turns around to head back into his office.

“He’s ridiculous.” 

“He’s gonna fire me,” Spencer says, though he doesn’t sound serious. 

“And then you can come work with me.” 

Spencer doesn’t want to work at your new job, that much is clear from his expression, but he has enough social wits to realise you’re flirting. “That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” he says.

Spencer leans back against his desk, hair curled just under his ears, his hand reaching for you though he doesn’t touch. You sit down in his seat, the backs of your thighs sticking to warm leather. You aren’t working today, hence your social visit, and Spencer had distracted you on the way to Aaron’s office (through no fault of his own, you’d just wanted to see him again) with a shy wave. Like you hadn’t spent yesterday night together walking through fountains. 

You didn’t mean to fall in. Spencer helped you up onto the round basin of the fountain and you’d held hands, walking in circles so he’d have an excuse to keep rubbing your knuckles with his thumb. Seconds turned to minutes, the conversation unhurried, and one wrong move had you slipping. You fell calf deep into cold water, but his laughter had been worth it. 

“What are you thinking about?” he asks. 

You cross one leg over the other, your jean leg riding up your shin. “I’m thinking about what Aaron’s gonna buy me for lunch.” 

“What do you want?”

“I have no idea. It’s so hot out I barely wanna eat.” 

“Well, too bad, you have to.” He picks up a file from his outgoings and fans it at you nicely. When he talks again, his voice is lowered. “I was thinking, if you’re not busy, they have a movie playing in a couple of days at the independent, I think it’s in Portuguese, and I really think you’d like it.” 

“Yeah?” you ask, lavishing in the cold kiss of his manufactured breeze and the idea of another date. 

“About a little girl that turns into a star. They have popcorn bigger than anywhere else I’ve seen, too. Enough for three people in one bucket.” 

You try not to act too shy. “Well, hopefully it’s just me and you.” 

Spencer smiles at you between waves of his fan. “Is your hip okay?” he asks. 

“Spencer.” 

“Are you ready?” Aaron asks. 

You spin in Spencer’s chair toward your brother, shocked he’s there. He’s been funny since you and Spencer met, never controlling or cruel, yet clearly having a tough time coming to grips with the connection you’ve formed with his smartest employee. 

When you told him Spencer had given you his number, his eye twitched ever so slightly, and he excused himself for a glass of water. You’re not sure what is about the situation that irks him: he loves you, he loves Spencer in his way, he’d do anything for both of you, except acknowledge your burgeoning relationship. 

You nod but don’t stand. Your hip aches weirdly and the sitting is nice. Plus, it’s a sisterly duty to wind up her brother, even if you love him more than anybody on planet earth. 

“Spencer was just telling me about your accident in Scottsdale.” 

“He was,” Hotch says. He looks at you, and his eyes follow down the line of your leg to your shoes, where they stay. 

You glance down. 

“I’m trying something new,” you say, sitting up quickly. Scottsdale doesn’t seem so funny. 

“I can see that.” 

You’re wearing Spencer’s socks, odd ones sticking up past his borrowed converse. “It’s summer,” you say, standing up. 

“Mm.” He gestures for you to stand in front of him, his hand on your shoulder kind but firm as he steers you away. “And the odd socks, that’s a conscious choice?” 

“Don’t be mean.” 

“I’m not.” 

You glance back at Spencer and grin at him as you’re shepherded away. Hopefully he’ll call you later, but for now he looks like he’d like to dig himself a shallow grave.

“We went for a walk last night and I ruined my shoes,” you explain, turning your gaze to Aaron and his reluctant smile. “They were still wet this morning.” 

“What about those loafers I got you for your birthday?” he asks. 

“Well, I didn’t have them with me.” 

Aaron nods. There’s a certain impassiveness to his expression that you’re familiar with, even if it signifies disappointment. That you’re not so used to. 

“I thought you liked Spencer?” you ask. 

“I do. But I love you, and he’s…” 

“He’s what?” 

“At risk.” 

“You’ll just have to keep him safe for me,” you say, smiling at him breezily. 

Aaron seems to agree silently. You’re almost to the elevators when he says, “Please, wear your own socks. I know you know how to do your laundry, I’m the one who taught you how to do it.” 

[ningvory]

hi, can i reqs (g!p)itzy!reader being mentored by twice’s sana. and as they grow closer sana realizes reader is a bit oblivious and innocent to her flirty attempts and gets excited to corrupt the younger woman?

you can add other things if my reqs was too vogue, just no omorashi please.

parings — mentor!sana x itzymember!innocent!gp!reader

warnings — corruption kink, public sex,unnie kink, riding, handjob, teasing, sana’s lowk mean, choking, degrading, pet names, uhh lmk if i miss anything, half asleep so not proofread but lmk if you guys want a part 2 since i did leave it on a cliffhanger..

word count — 1k (1,026)

having the sana as your mentor was literally a dream come true for you! ever since twice debuted she’s always been someone you look up to.

when you first got the call from your manager that sana was gonna be your mentor for the next few days, you almost fell outta your bed from the shock! you and your group were quite close to all the girls, so it was okay for you all to call the twice girls unnie.

today was the day where she would start mentoring you. when you walked into the red practice room, sana was already sitting on the black leather couch provided for the idols and trainees under jyp.

when sana finally notices you she thought you were the cutest! the way you kept stuttering over your words and giving her awkward smiles had her grinning and letting out a few chuckles. she’s watched a few of your fan cams and you’re a whole different person when you’re not on stage.

once you two actually got started sana couldn’t help but flirt with you from time to time, from brushing over your cock with her pretty manicured fingers to groping your body in different areas. but you just seem clueless to what she’s doing, not daring to speak up or even push her away from you. of course this made the older get excited to see how well she can corrupt you into her obedient lil’ toy!

on the next day you thought things were gonna be the same as the previous, but sana had you going full out and trying out various of difficult choreos, it almost seemed like she wanted you to exhausted today.

it had been about 5 hours of nonstop dancing which was normal for you but it always had you exhausted. you were limp on the floor catching you breath. you had to take your shirt off so you were left with your sport bra along with your gray sweat pants and your white air forces.

“great work today, princess.” sana says as she began walking to you direction.

she’s suddenly hovers over you, one leg beside both of your legs. she slowly sinks herself down, sitting right on your clothed cock.

“wha— unnie what are you doing?” you start to say, raising your upper body up and resting your weigh on you arms.

she clasps her hand over your mouth, making you stop talking. doe eyes looking into hers waiting for her to talk.

“shh. let me use you, you don’t wanna leave me hanging, right?” she looks down at you, full on expecting you to not your head and of course you do. you don’t wanna leave your unnie wet and needy! :((

so of course your cock grows hard, why would it not when you have a pretty lady slowly rocking her hips along your clothed cock. “aw~ is unnie getting you hard from just a bit of rubbing?” she teases you making you let out a little whimper.

she starts to kiss you, to muffle your moans. her tongue easily wins for dominance as she raises her hips up to her bottom half and your sweatpants and boxers, angry cock laying flat on your tummy.

she parts her lips from yours, watching how the string of spit connects to your lips until it breaks from her moving too far from you. sana wraps her hand around your cock, stroking it up and down slowly, wanting to savior the view of you falling apart from her hand alone.

“u-unnie! please—please more!” you managed to whimper out, tears in your eyes daring to fall down as you sniff from the overwhelming teasing.

“you want unnie to go faster?” sana grins, looking down at your angry cock that’s leaking with precum before looking at your pouty lips.

“how can i say no to my baby when she’s been such a good girl f’me?” she coo’s speeding up the tempo of her hand, watching how your hips start bucking up mindlessly in her hand before thick spurts spew out of your cock, landing all over her hand and you tummy.

“did i say you could cum? just thinking with your cock, huh?” she says before pushing her fingers into your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself.

“since you wanna cum without permission from me, let’s see how many times you can cum inside me.” she pulls her fingers covered in your spit out of your mouth. and straddles your hips, sinking down on your sensitive cock.

high pitch moans leave your mouth, her cunt was squeezing your cock so tightly you couldn’t help but begin crying! tears falling from your eyes that were crossed and back arched, hands gripping her hips.

“w-what do you say to unnie for letting you inside me?” sana moans out, ass checks smacking down on your heavy balls while she goes to grip on your neck.

“t-thank— thank you ‘sho ‘mush u-unnie!” you choke out, incoherently you try your best to match her unforgiving pace but to no avail! her cunt was just squeezing your cock so tightly and her hand cutting off your airflow had your brain fogged up, letting out incoherent babbles and mindlessly thrusting up into sana.

she once again kisses you but more deeply, muffling the mixture of both of your moans. it had your cock throbbing from the sounds of her moans and sounds of her bouncing on you.

she started moaning more louder and pulled away from your lips hips were getting sloppy as she got closer and closer to release until she began squirting all over your pelvis and lower tummy.

“p-please! unnie—can i cum, can i cum? need to cum so bad!” you cried, begging the older to let you cum, placing your feet on the ground and pounding up into her, desperately not wanting to ruin your high.

“cum for unnie, whore.” sana says in a low and sultry tone. and it has you shooting your load into her. you cum so much it starts leaking out of her warmy cunt.

“don’t think we’re done, slut. it’s only just the beginning.”

[peachhcs]

congrats em!!!

person A going out with person B for the first time in public to announce their relationship

perosn a- reader

perosn b -jack hughes

showing you off

jack hughes x fem!reader

you and jack finally make your relationship public!

1.4k words

i've never written for jack before, so i hope this is good 🫣 thank you again for sending in requests for the celly. i'm so excited to write about other hockey players!!

700 celly masterlist

you stood in front of the mirror doing last minute touches on your look. there was an edge of nerves running through your system knowing this was a big night for your relationship with jack. after agreeing to keep things private for the few months you two have been together, you decided you were ready to make things public. poor jack was more nervous than you were knowing how people online got.he worried the comments of other fans getting to you even though you told him countless times you could handle it. a few mean comments meant nothing to you knowing jack chose you. 

“i think i’m almost ready jacky,” you called to your boyfriend when you heard him shuffle into the room. his head poked into the connected bathroom, a smile gracing his lips when he saw your pretty baby blue dress. 

“jesus, you look incredible,” the brunette hummed, eyes racking across your body that the dress hugged in all the right places. you flushed at his comment, spinning to face him. 

“you think so?” 

he stepped further into the bathroom, hands snaking around your waist just low enough that his hands grazed the top of your ass. a lazy smiled painted his lips as he continued drinking in your appearance. 

“can’t wait to let everyone know you’re mine tonight,” the boy pressed a soft, yet passionate kiss to your lips. 

you smiled into the kiss, squeezing his chin between your fingers as his hands drifted lower. a giggle left your lips at his boyish behavior, pulling him off your lips which was instantly met with a pout that you pulled him off. 

“we better go, soon, yeah? don’t wanna be late,” you tapped your fingers against his cheek. 

“you’re 100% sure you’re ready? i don’t want it to be too much too soon. there’s probably gonna be cameras everywhere and people shouting questions,” jack knew events like these had reporters and journalists everywhere trying to catch glimpses of their lives. he didn’t want to bring you into all of it unless he knew you could take it. 

“i’m sure, baby. i’ve got thick skin,” you smiled. 

“i know you do, but sometimes those people can be real assholes,” jack’s worry was cute. you cupped his cheeks, pressing a delicate kiss to his forehead. 

“at least i’ll have you with me then,” your confidence eased some of jack’s worries. he kissed you one last time before dragging the both of you out of the bedroom. 

“about time. thought i’d have to bang on the door or something,” luke snickered, jumping up from his place on the couch. 

“real funny, luke. let’s go or else we’re late,” jack grabbed everyone’s jackets, his antsy side coming out as he rushed his brother and girlfriend out of the apartment. 

the ride into downtown was uneventful. jack’s aux music helped ease some of your nerves as his car approached the venue which was indeed packed with people already at the front. you found yourself squeezing jack’s hand rested atop your knee a bit tighter seeing all those people feet away. jack quickly met your gaze. 

“feeling okay?” the boy wondered. 

“i’m fine. just nervous,” you said. 

“we can go in through the back if you don’t wanna do this. that’s perfectly fine with me,” jack gave you a quick ultimatum, but you shook your head. 

“it will be fine, jacky. promise,” he studied your expression a bit longer before deciding that you were gonna be okay. 

he pulled his car into the line, allowing the valet to take his keys as the three of you climbed out. jack met you on your side, holding his arm out for you to latch onto. your hands squeezed around his bicep as he took the lead, luke trailing behind you guys. the fans and reporters spotted the three of you immediately, quickly shouting to get your attention. 

“jack! is that your girlfriend?” 

“oh my god, he has a girlfriend??” 

“over here! let me get a picture!” 

the two of you posed for some pictures, jack’s hold tightening around your waist as the photographers snapped away, marking the public debut of your relationship. you weren’t sure how your boyfriend was feeling, but you felt in the clouds. so many people were reaching out for you or jack, wanting his signature or to just talk to him for a few seconds. sometimes you forgot this was his life—so flashy, so surreal—yet you loved it. 

he began pulling you down to carpet where security held the doors open for the guys. you waved to the fans one last time before disappearing inside the arena. jack glanced over at you, his expression a bit unreadable. 

“okay?” he wondered almost nervously. your large smile immediately eased his worries though as you latched back onto his arm. 

“god, you’re so cool. i knew you were popular, but i didn’t realize how popular,” your laugh brought a smile to the boy’s lips. 

“i’m glad you approve. it seems like everyone else does, too,” jack pecked your lips before dragging your further into the event to find his friends. 

the two of you quickly found nico and holtzy. both guys smiled widely when they saw their teammate and his girl on his arms. you smiled, watching jack greet them with friendly hugs. “didn’t know you were bringing your girl out,” nico hummed, giving you a gentle hug once jack finished. 

“thought it was time we go public,” jack pulled you back into his side, a proud smile on his lips that people finally knew about the girl he’s been loving for months. 

“wow, didn’t know hughes could become so lovey,” holtz teased, roughing up jack’s arm. your boyfriend brushed the comments off despite the small blush coating his cheeks. 

“whatever. you guys want some drinks? first round’s on me,” the brunette smiled. the guys cheered as they followed your boyfriend to the bar, ordering the entire team the first round of shots. 

you spent the rest of the night clinging to jack’s side, but neither of you minded. his arm was hooked around your waist no matter what, not letting you move too far away from him. you could tell he was enjoying himself knowing the big smile on his lips didn’t come out often unless he was around you or his teammates. jack adored all of them, even when they chirped on him, and he couldn’t be happier getting to spend the night with you too. 

even if you were just eye candy on jack’s arm, you didn’t care. getting to spend time with your boyfriend in his element was your favorite thing. 

as the night winded down, photos from earlier were released on social media. you peaked over jack’s shoulder as he scrolled through the pictures, smiling when he came across the ones of you two. there were a few of both of you smiling and one where jack’s eyes were on you when you weren’t looking. there was a lot of love in his eyes that made your heart just burst. 

“who knew we cleaned up so nice,” you teased. jack looked over at you, eyes bright. 

“so you think it went okay then?” 

“i think they liked me. do you think it went okay?” you wondered, brushing some of his hair away from his forehead. 

“i think it went amazing. i’m glad you came out tonight, it was a lot of fun,” jack leaned over, kissing your cheek. 

“thanks for bringing me, handsome. i hope i can come along again,” with that, the hockey player placed a more passionate kiss on your lips. your fingers tangled into his hair, twisting the locks around while his own hand cupped the side of your cheek. 

neither of you cared that you were in public. the booth you sat in tucked you guys away into a corner that almost created your own space away from everyone else. jack deepened the kiss even more as he slipped his tongue inside of your mouth, but the moment was short lived. 

“jesus, you guys are so gross. can we leave soon?” luke stood at the end of the table in disgust. 

he was such a little brother with his snarky comments. you giggled, but jack didn’t find his brother as amusing. 

“hold your horses. we’ve got all night,” jack said. 

the younger boy only rolled his eyes, shuffling away like a little kid. jack’s attention turned back to you, eyes still bright with love and lust. 

“now, where were we?” 

[thesassypadawan]

Boom Bitch (Kurt x FemReader)

Summary: Fireworks. Some find joy from them while others… Well, for those like your pup, it can be a trigger. Good thing he was you to help comfort him.

Warnings: 18+ (mdni), because there sooo much of the smut. Face sitting, oral (female receiving) and… Kurt’s skilled tongue.

Notes: I would love to hear what all you, lovelies, think! If you would like to see more of Kurt! If so...I already have another idea in mind! ❤️

- You're not exactly sure how things got like this…

- One moment you're sprawled on the bed. Laying on your back, his face buried between your legs. Ravenously sucking and lapping at your cunt like a man starved…

- The next he's abruptly pulling away. Leaving you whining, crying out for him. Mixing with the sounds of fireworks popping off nearby…

- Fireworks! Propping yourself up on your elbows, you’re met by the sight of Kurt shaking slightly…blue eyes blown wide…chest rising and falling steadily…slick still covering his chin. “It’s going to be okay, pup. Breathe for me. I’ll grab your-”

- You move to get off the bed, instead his strong arms wrap around you. Dragging you upright, forcing you to straddle his torso. “Nah,” he mutters. Calloused hands running up your thighs, cupping the backs of them. “I-I don’t want that stuff, makes me all loopy. Wanna try somethin’ different this time…want ya to sit on my face.”

- A look of confusion crosses your face, unsure if you heard him right. But once he gives your squishy pillows each a firm squeeze, urging you to scoot forward onto his broad chest…you knew you hadn’t misheard, and you weren’t about to deny him.

- Shifting, hovering only inches above his lips; you shiver in nervous anticipation. Hot breath fanning across your soaked folds from his shallow pants, a gasp escaping you…along with a small trickle of arousal. “Are…are you sure? What if I smother y-you?”

- Hands come to settle on your waist, tracing soothing patterns into your skin. “Ya won’t, but…” He trails off, beginning to gently ease you down. “…if it’s my time to go, then I picked one hell of a way to do it.”

- Another loud boom echoes in the sky and, without warning, he wrenches you the rest of the way. Crashing you roughly into his waiting mouth, your legs spread wide.

- He wastes no time digging in. Licking up and down, side to side. Wrapping around your clit, tugging harshly. A groan of content floating out from beneath you.

- Closing your eyes, you lose yourself in the way he massages you deliciously…how he rolls your sensitive bud perfectly. It was so sloppy, messy, wonderful. That it has you gripping the headboard; back arching, steadily rocking your hips against his face.

- Lips suction around you, tongue delves deeply. Reaching places you never thought possible; eliciting the sweetest, filthiest moans from you.

- Cheeks go flushed, the heat inside you rises up. Arms and thighs start to tremble, shake. Your pace stutters, but he grabs hold of your ass…hard. Anchoring you to him, holding you tightly. Guiding, moving you faster; circling, plunging fervently.

- “I… I… Fuck… Fuuuck…” Mewling and whining, fluttering and clenching. Hurtling towards what felt like an earth-shattering orgasm, you teeter on the very edge until…

- Growling low…into your core. The vibration travels straight through you; goosebumps forming on your skin, nipples pebbling. Legs locking around Kurt’s head, squishing him between your pillows. Completely coming unraveled, undone.

- Licking you softly, he carefully withdraws his tongue. Flicking it against your clit, exploring your folds again. Capturing and drinking up the juices that spill out.

- Spent, exhausted; yet you still shakily rut into his mouth. Riding out your high, twitching from aftershocks. Babbling incoherently the whole time.

- As the final burst rumbles and dies, he slowly releases you from his iron hold. Allowing you to lift off, revealing him to be…

- Mess, a total mess. Strings of cum connect you to his lips. Face coated entirely in your essence, some dripping onto his neck…glistening in the faint light. Gleam of fear and panic no longer evident in his eyes.

- Barely holding yourself over him, the feeling starts to return to your limbs. You flash a mischievous grin, asking breathlessly. “Better?”

- Reaching up, he spreads your folds. Placing a kiss on your bud; thumb rubbing over your entrance, collecting some more slick. “Actually, angel…”

- Smirking, he locks gazes with you. Bringing it to his lips, sucking it clean. Pleased grunt coming from Kurt when he releases the digit with a wet pop. “…never been better. Think I might like those stupid things. Now that I got the best comfort, my…”

- Fireworks erupt nearby once more. Arms wrap tightly around your waist… “Boom Bitch.” …and yank you back down.

Tag List: @espinathena-17, @myheartwillgoon2022, @wifeofasith, @princessswifie, @kenobiskywalker16, @loverforoldermen, @lotte08, @freezerbride95, @lacebird, @lunarnightt, @adorbzliz, @maevesversion, @decaffeinatedunicorn, @anakinsbbgirl, @fuckmyskywalker

[myfairstarlight]

An Ode to Friends to Lovers - Colin and Penelope's story

Fine, I give in.

As someone who considers themself more of a casual viewer (as in, I've never engaged in the fandom before), I went into this new season with mild interest. And then I fell down the rabbit hole. I should have suspected it though, Friends to Lovers is a trope I affectionate particularly when it comes to romance, unfortunately one I very rarely think is done well. So I was still skeptical going in.

But by God, did they deliver on that front and I need to break it down and talk about it. So I guess this is my review of Bridgerton s3, part 1.

Under the cut though, because this is gonna be a long one (seriously, this is a warning).

I don't particularly think Bridgerton is a complex show, and one can argue all day about whether it is even good (in my eyes, as long as it's entertaining, I don't care if a show is "good"), however, the number of takes I've seen online not understanding basic story-telling worries me a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I agree this first half has pacing issues but I do not think Penelope's and Colin's love story suffered that much, it did not feel rushed to me since we already knew these characters for two whole seasons (and I maintain Colin has always had more depths than what people pretend he does, it seems like, just like the ton, viewers like to overlook him and just characterise him as naive).

And I guess this long ass post was born in the process. So:

Part One: Penelope's glow up

Yes I'm starting by looking at them individually first. I think this post on reddit sums it up so perfectly. I get we're all joking about how unrealistic it is that no man was ever interested in Penelope despite how she looks like an absolute goddess (and I maintain she was the cutest in both previous seasons as well!) - unfortunately it is realistic. That's the reality of bullying, it doesn't get solved by a glow up. Even her association with the Bridgertons through Eloise and Colin did not lessen the bullying, so without them? Even the prettiest dresses would not have changed the ton's perception of her, and she's still the awkward, anxious girl she's always been, and unfortunately, most of these men are not attracted to that. It's not satisfying, she doesn't get her triumphant revenge on a society that always ostracised her - and I think it's important that she does not. That she accepts it. She should not have to change for a ton that will not change for the better either. And it's a lesson she learns quickly - someone will love her for who she is, pretending will only lead to misery. And, it is when she's being herself that she successfully gets the interest of some gentlemen (shout out to Lord Remington! I was so hoping we would be seeing more of him on top of Debling. He's such a Whistledown fan I thought that even after the whole lesson reveal scandal he would have stuck to call on Penelope the next day to gossip together, it would have been cute but I guess he too wanted to avoid being written about) (also I'm just saying in fics he should be the one considered as a proper other suitor for Pen since they seemed to have a genuine connection, meanwhile Debling was really searching for practicality).

The thing I wanna add to that post is this: despite all that, she decided to change her looks for herself. When I first learned of the plot of this season, Colin helping her find a husband, I was scared it would mean Colin would be the one to tell her to have a makeover. It doesn't happen. Sure, Penelope subconsciously requests for a more Parisian style for her new dresses because it is the last place Colin went to, but by that point she has already given up on him. She wants something new, and to feel good in herself. That's how she blooms, by finding a style that she feels comfortable in, finally free from her mother's horrendous tastes. That's what allows her to be more confident as well, the new looks and her motivation to move on from her "unrequited fantasy". As for Colin? He never comments on her change, he compliments her dress (and mind you, that is when he's trying to play up the charm because he knows she's upset with him and he gets humbled, hard) but he never says it looks better on her than what she wore before, he never has a "I never realised how beautiful you were" moment we see a bit too often in friends to lovers stories, because to him she's still his Pen, new dresses, new hairstyles, but the same Pen he's always loved, even if he didn't realise to what extent yet.

But Penelope's confidence... is not quite there yet. Difficult to be, when she's grown up in a loveless home, with horrible sisters, a father who barely cared and a mother who constantly puts her down. Whenever she gets a compliment, her first reaction is "ah, it must be a joke" - that isn't even exclusive to Colin, in the brief interaction between Edwina and Penelope, when Edwina compliments her dress, Penelope also dismisses it. And then, there's Colin, who is always oh so honest with her and does not shy away from praising her. But I'll touch more on that later.

Part Two: Colin's new self.

And then we have the opposite: Colin showing up with a new attitude, and succeeding at it (well, on the surface). Something I haven't seen people bring up a lot though is that he's already tried a new look in s2, and he got mocked for it. The only one who didn't? Penelope. Why didn't he try to emulate being a rake back then? Because Penelope's letters grounded him, he admits it himself. It's seeing himself through Penelope's letters that gave him confidence. But that kind of confidence was not enough in the ton's eyes, and on top of that, between s2 and s3, this time Penelope doesn't write back, and neither do his family. He grows insecure, he's lost the one person who kept him grounded, he thinks his family is annoyed with him, and he still is in search of a purpose, so what does he do? He clings to Anthony's words in s1 after the disaster that was his engagement with Marina: he's too green, time to "fix" that and be more like his big brothers. They got it together, they know their purpose (well, Benedict lost his again but that's a story for another day), so surely, if he acts more like them, and not like the sensitive and naive boy he was, then surely everything will be alright! Right? Note that as opposed to s2, where he kept talking about his travels and it annoyed everyone, in s3 he doesn't go into details about them anymore, even when he's asked. They're only interested in the company he kept during the travels rather than the sights he saw. And honestly, it was heartbreaking to see right away how much of himself he was holding back, even with his own family. Penelope, however, gets the details without even asking because he already knows she likes hearing him talk about them and she makes him comfortable, and he's fully aware of that when he apologises in s3e1.

(I also want to note that, even if this new persona is fake, his new style genuinely fits him better. Just like Penelope, this season Colin found the style that makes him feel good and confident.)

And here's where I need to praise Luke's acting for a bit, because he absolutely nailed the subtle way Colin behaves differently with Penelope vs everyone else. His voice is softer, he is effortlessly charming (I was kicking my feet when he recalled how they met), his smile is bigger, even his whole face looks more relaxed whenever Penelope is around, meanwhile he always appears stiff and like he's calculating his every move when around his "friends". In fact, it is in the carriage scene we finally truly see s1&2's Colin back. When he has that look on his face, as he decides right there and then he's gonna marry her, and then a second later when he asks the question, his face. By God, his eyes are sparkling, he's so happy, and he looks as youthful and carefree as he did in previous seasons, far are the thoughts of trying to fit in a society that he hates.

Because above all, these two know and understand each other in a way no one else in their lives does. And that is a fact that remains despite the outward changes. So yes, I liked that their dynamic did not shift to romance because of their "glow ups", but because they are spending even more time together now. Speaking of which:

Part Three: Authenticity and Vulnerability

One big theme this season is being true to oneself. It's no coincidence mirrors are such a big part of it (even outside of the yet to be seen spicy scene), because looking at a mirror means looking at oneself, and be vulnerable. If s2 was about duty vs heart, eldest siblings trying to do right by their family to the point of self-sabotage, s3 is a battle between the head and the heart. It is not even exclusive to Polin - Eloise is learning and growing by trying to take genuine part in society but struggling to fit in. Cressida wants to become a better person, torn between the pressure put on her shoulders by her parents and this new friendship with Eloise. Benedict is looking for his purpose after learning Anthony paid his way to art school, and feeling like a fraud as an artist. Anthony and Kate are unashamedly in love, as they deserve to be after the struggles they went through last season. Francesca has no care for the suitors the Queen and her mother parade in front of her as the "sparkler" of the season (sidenote but I hated that, stupid name, should have stuck to diamond or select another gem) as her heart seeks out the handsome and quiet John Sterling instead. And this will continue in part 2, as Penelope will have to be honest about Lady Whistledown (because she's always her most authentic self around Colin, there is still this big secret she is so determined to keep to herself, when she should not).

The beauty about friends to lovers stories to me is the small declarations of love sprinkled throughout the relationship. It's about the trust already built in with no expectations and the vulnerability we'd never allow anyone but our closest friends to see, something even our family can be ignorant to. I mentioned earlier that Colin never shies away from praising Penelope, way before their dynamic shifts to lovers. He tells her she's good, constant, loyal, special, warm. All of these are declarations of love, even if not with romantic intent, it's about showing his appreciation for her, for the role she holds in his life. And Penelope responds in kind as well. That is why I believe people who think the romance was rushed in s3 either did not watch the past two seasons or see friendship and romantic love as two distinct things rather than a cohesive continuation of each other. In s1, people focus so much on the Marina stuff, as if that cancels out Colin's friendship with Penelope. We still do see Colin actively seek out Penelope at balls, and defending her against Cressida, he compliments her and tells her she's the one who inspired him to travel. Then s2 rolls in, and they're exchanging letters, which will become the cataclysm for their dynamic changing later on. And then there's one of my favourite scenes with them: them talking about their purpose. They both open up here, Colin about his insecurity, Penelope about her dream, it is so intimate. And then, there's of course Colin protecting the Featheringtons from ruins. I'm mostly emphasising Colin's actions, because Penelope's crush on him was always in your face, and while Colin may not have realised it yet, he's always cared about Penelope in a special way, as manifested by his actions and how vulnerable he allows himself to be around her, when even his own family has no idea about what's going on inside his head.

There's a misconception that Colin calling her his friend was him rejecting her, and yet we see in s3 he had no idea whatsoever that she has a crush on him, so he could not lead her on (unlike his book counterpart, who was aware of Penelope's infatuation and was careful never to toe the line until he realised his feelings. Show Colin though? Completely oblivious. And it makes sense, he's still young.) He asks Violet "how do you know it was reciprocated" and not "how do you know you're in love with your best friend". As of right now at the end of part 1, he genuinely thinks he's the one who fell in love first, or at least realised it first. His "You're Pen, you do not count, you're my friend" in s2, was not a rejection in his eyes, but a declaration of love; he's forsaken love and women but not his Penelope, never her, she's his exception And it's not like Penelope resented him for that friendship he so readily gave her, yes she had a crush, but she was proud to call him her friend! He was, with Eloise, her solace away from her family. At the end of the day, this is a friends to lovers story, it is silly to get upset that they considered themselves friends first before there is a click as they realise they are now on the same page to shift their relationship.

Side note but I've never liked the term "friendzoned" because it makes it sound like being friends is a bad thing. I've had unrequited feelings before but I've always felt grateful that being friends with them allowed me to stay close to them even if I knew nothing else could happen. I was still very much happy and content. But maybe I'm projecting on Penelope and that's another debate.

See, what I ended up loving about the lesson plot, which I was so wary of at first, is that Colin barely teaches Penelope anything. At first, he goes for the "do what society expects women to do" (since it worked for him) but then she acts awkwardly, she can't fake it, and it surprises him for a moment. That's when it clicks for him, she just needs to be comfortable because with him, she's always smart, witty and charming, she's herself. He's always seen her that way, and he did not quite realise he had that privilege in the first place. And I love how we see him slowly realise it is no longer a privilege thanks to his help. We see it in e2. When she talks to the guy with the dead horse (forgot his name, oops), Penelope forces the flirt and Colin is amused by it. Fast forward Penelope approaching Lord Remington by herself, without Colin's initiative, and she's being more authentic, and suddenly Jealous by Nick Jonas plays in the background and Colin doesn't look proud, but apprehensive, or dare I say jealous. The shift in Colin's head happens long before Debling is in the picture. I'd argue it already shifted earlier in that episode, in his study, which he flashbacks to in e4.

His journals detail how unfulfilled he feels when he lays with random women in his travels. He longs for emotional intimacy. And guess with who he finally finds that, when a certain red-head asks the one question that allows them to break the physical barrier they had to keep between them for the sake of propriety?

Ah yes, that first kiss. To Colin, everything has been building up to this, this is his true Oh moment. A favour turned into a revelation. For Penelope, this is quite literally the end of her fantasies. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment. She bares her heart, she's sad, she's desperate. And some people have been calling that moment pathetic, interpreting it as her being weak and giving in to her crush again, saying that she should not have to beg for that man's affection. I concur that she is brave, and bold. I also concur that some of you all are a bit too attached to the girlboss archetype forgetting that allowing oneself to be vulnerable is also a strength. She's never had to beg for Colin's attention anyway because he readily gives it to her, but in this one instance, for once in her life, she is truly being honest. In her head, she has nothing else to lose, and she wants to experience the one thing she thinks she can never have so of course she's gonna turn to the one person she's always trusted and feels the most comfortable with, because before her crush, Colin is her friend. She's asking a favour from a friend. And then she can move on, whatever "moving on" will turn out to be. In this instance, she has the power in her hands.

And it is her bravery that is the true cataclysm for things to change properly. Of course, things have already started to change the moment she stopped replying to the letters, but that moment really expedited their relationship.

Part Four: Lovers, but in a best friends way

The thing with Bridgerton, in the books or in the show, is that each couple has their trope. This is not news to anyone, I think. We've had fake dating, and enemies to lovers, and one characteristic that these two tropes share is a growing tension between the characters before it snaps. There is a reason the early marketing for s3 focused on Penelope being cold towards Colin, tension and conflict are more appealing on the surface. And then the first half of the season comes out and that conflict between our main couple? Solved after one episode because they did one thing that is severely missing in most romance dramas: communicated healthily. Penelope laid out why she was upset (although she does not stay to let Colin explain and then vents out her feelings in Whistledown... she still has some learning to do), Colin immediately went to apologise and make up for it. All of this by talking. And yet I'd argue friends to lovers still has its own tension, just not to the same intensity as the other two, and more difficult to market. The tension comes from the brewing feelings, the way you start seeing every touch, every interaction, in a whole new light, and wondering if it's only in your head or if it's reciprocated. But now combine that with Colin who's always been so earnest about his feelings with Penelope? And Penelope who's always quietly wanted their relationship to evolve that way? Of course they figured it out quickly and got together in half a season. And I'm delighted that we will see them handle the whole Whistledown mess as a couple, as two people aware they love each other deeply, which gives a whole new meaning to the conflict compared to the book where I felt like it was brushed over a bit too quickly (because they got distracted in that carriage). It is the last secret between them, their last obstacle.

I also do not like the "Colin should have grovelled and pined more" argument, when he is the one who insisted on the lessons to help her find a husband in the first place, and then has to face the fact that actually, he doesn't like the idea of another man taking Penelope away, and oh, isn't that the consequences of his own actions? He is grovelling, you just don't see Penelope holding it over his head, because that's not the person she is, this is not a revenge fantasy story, in fact she does not realise the power she has on him because she is used to Colin seeking her out. I like that he didn't stew on his feelings and decided to act on them right away. I also don't like how this whole grovelling thing makes it sound like love is a competition, that just because Penelope has known she's been in love for longer and "suffered" longer, that means Colin needs to do the same to even the planes. Because in my eyes love isn't exactly something to be earned — it is given. Now, are you worthy to keep it? To nurture it and make it bloom and last? That is the real question.

Admittedly, since this is only the first half of the season, we do not see them in a romantic setting a lot. That first half is focused on them rekindling their friendship lost during the summer when Penelope stopped responding to the letters, and Colin having the realisation he cannot live without his best friend, not just because she is his best friend, but also because he loves her. But we do have two important, and obvious instances.

So let's talk about that first kiss again. It is, in my opinion, one of the most gentle and romantic moments in the show so far and also showcased their friendship really well. Colin trying to joke to lighten the mood as Penelope spirals down (peak best friend behaviour actually), the gentle, swelling music, the light of the moon, Colin's deep exhale of realisation as he holds her face when he goes back in for the second kiss, with the furrowed brows of a man on a mission. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment and Colin's big realisation. And I felt like I was intruding.

And same goes for that carriage scene, but even before they go at it; now this is Colin's most vulnerable moment, and Penelope's realisation that they can be more. He chases the carriage by foot, then goes on his knees to confess his feelings to his best friend in the softest and most determined voice we've ever heard him use this whole season, eyes wide, tears threatening to fall as it is his turn to bare his heart and ask for a chance. Meanwhile Penelope takes it all in, running her hand through his hair because she can finally touch him, melting under him. Things get steamy. And then... and then... The carriage stops, they get startled, Colin jokes that the driver should have kept on driving and then... they laugh. They just made out, and went to second base together, and yet here they are now, laughing. It is such a genuine and lovely moment. And it's then that Colin has that look in his eyes, that "I'm gonna marry her" look. That is when he realises he cannot live his life without her. That his purpose is now right in front of him: making Penelope Featherington, soon to be Bridgerton, laugh until the end of their lives.

Conclusion

There's no conclusion, I just love them so dearly. Yes, there still is the whole Whistledown mess to deal with and sure, the argument with Eloise may make you think great angst is ahead but if there is one big difference between Colin and Eloise, it is this: Colin has always listened to Penelope, and this is not a diss on Eloise. Eloise, bless her heart, can be pretty self-centred, she's loud and a bit immature, something she is growing from in s3, and you cannot ignore that she did not really listen to Penelope (she has no idea Penelope wishes to marry when Penelope tells her she does in s1, we can blame the writing, but I do think it fits with Eloise's journey to realising how privileged and dismissive she is. Penelope was too polite to call her out until their falling out. Meanwhile Cressida is exactly the type of honesty she needs for a wake up call). Colin, on the other hand, is very sensitive and a good listener. Furthermore, this season, Penelope is learning to be more confident, to voice what she wants, and I like to think it is leading to her finding her own voice and not needing Whistledown to hide behind anymore. If there's someone with whom she has no filters, it is Colin, so I have faith that when the reveal happens and an argument breaks out, this new Penelope will not back down and will lay out all her reasons and all her regrets, and Colin may be stubborn, but he loves that woman and he always listens.

A part of me also wishes they keep the jealousy he felt about her writing in the book, and that they don't focus just on the whole "you lied to me" aspect (we've already had that with Eloise). How he, himself, is insecure about his writing, and here Penelope is, less fortunate than he is, and yet who did have the courage to get her writing out there, even if publishing under another name. Because that is also a reality in relationships, when your partner is at a different stage in their career, and how they can communicate to support one another.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now (as if that isn't what I've been doing this whole time). I like them. A little. Just a bit. I'm very normal about them <3

[jmdbjk]

Make assumptions and get the wrong idea. Please. That's what he said.

My brain listening to Who:

(on the beat of course)

Sorry for the brain porn but that's how my brain feels when I hear Jimin's vocals. The runs, the ad libs, the highs, lows, and in-betweens, the breathing, especially the breathing. Especially in the 4K version of the Tonight Show performance posted on BangtanTV.

For many years now I've been wanting to hear Jimin let 'er rip on a big song and FINALLY! FINALLY!

FINALLY!

I started to jot down my interpretations of Who but you know what? no one needs yet another analyzation of the song, the lyrics, the MV, the belt sharing, the ... but one thing I need to point out... Ryan's Vintage Clothes is definitely a nod to Ryan Gosling don't you think? (just kidding sorta)

A ton of people have given their dissertations on what they think it all means. All I know is Jimin has that MAGIC and he is FLEXING big time.

This is my favorite shot from the most recent promo image drop on Weverse. I have always dissented when Jimin would say his left side is his best side. No sir. It's your right side.

The entire Muse album is a complete mind-bender for me. He came up with the ideas and themes and what he couldn't do on his own, he explained to all the people helping him in order to create his vision...

PDogg said this in an interview: "I also believe the experience of collaborating with various producers and songwriters in LA and NY gave Jimin the opportunity to further explore his limitless potential."

Minseong Kim (Performance Director): "When we were working together, I saw Jimin putting a lot of thought into delivering the song's choreography as a visual art form. He uses his detailed expressions to convey various artistic elements in the performance beyond simply presenting stylish, energetic choreography. He is always devoted to emphasizing the artistic elements of the performance by forming a visceral connection to it. I believe that his commitment and passion has shaped Jimin's unique style and allows him to deliver one of the most exciting performances in pop music."

and:

"We had countless discussions about how to visually articulate the story and message of the song through the performance on a larger scale, in a manner that's true to the song's title Who. When the choreography was completed Jimin was utterly pleased with the performance having all the elements he had wished to incorporate."

You can read the entire VMAGAZINE article here.

Regarding the other songs on the album, in MiniMoniMusic Exchange, Jimin mentioned that Rebirth was his favorite track. I do love it too, Jimin. The heartbeat, the poignancy. Perfection.

And I have to compare Be Mine to Seven. In Jungkook's Seven, the explicit version was so very literal and so in your face it was funny, even the MV added to the unserious vibe of it all.

But in Jimin's, Be Mine, he has probably the most erotic lyric I've ever heard coming out of the mouth of a Tannie: "... a hot island, a party with just the two of us; I know what you want and baby I want the same; love ‘til the morning; we just keep fallin’... baby come, baby come; show me what, show me what love is, yeah yeah; melt me hot, hot, hot quickly"

I am streaming all the versions of all the songs and album. I absolutely love it.

Now that I got that out of my system...

It's been about a year (??!?!?) since Jungkook's Only Fans debut live stream. Time is flying.

We are anticipating gaining more context soon surrounding exactly what went down between them the prior two weeks to this live and what did Jimin mean when he said he "can handle it? (Are you sure you wanna know?)

There is a high possibility we might get some jikook carpool karaoke.

The main trailer drops Monday. Hold on to your ... whatever it is you hold on to when you get shook because I'm sure it'll be another earthquake on the timeline.

All lyrics translations credit: © 2024 by Learn Korean With Sel www.learnkoreanwithsel.com/

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 11, Pt. 3 (Sneak Peek)

a/n: hello, my precious loves! here is your 4k words of sneak peek. (pt 3 of chapter 11 is currently at ✨45k words✨… sooo, this ~feels~ like a ~little snippet~ to me lmao) <3

Warnings (18+ — MINORS DNI): heavy petting; kissing in places you shouldn’t be kissing when you’re dating someone else; cheating; references to excessive drinking; drinking game; Sam being Sam; as usual, let me know if I missed anything that might be triggering to you! (I’m sure I missed something)

-🌼🌼🌼- 

Not wanting to give in to the urge to ask him for help, you tried your damn best to just do it yourself. Standing on your tiptoes, you stretched a hand way up for that one clear mixing bowl you always used when you baked. . . So close, yet just out of your reach. 

A lot like someone–.

“Dammit, y/n, let me get it.” His beautifully raspy voice was suddenly in your ear, but he sounded a little perturbed. All the sound did was make your cheeks grow warm and pink. “Just ask for help.”

He was right behind you, his front side completely pressed to your backside, making you dizzy. And as he placed one hand on your hip to balance himself, you thought you were going to buckle immediately. The feeling of his searing hot hold on the bit of skin at your hip, peeking out from your t-shirt. 

His fingers were so close to the bump, but not quite touching it. As he pushed himself into you a bit further, you felt him against your ass. Right through the thin material of your black Soffe shorts. 

He wasn’t completely hard. Not yet. But he would get there before too long if this continued like it had before Sam’s intrusion. You knew him. 

Back in the moment, you noticed his other hand reaching up for the bowl. And, of course, he grabbed it with no problem at all, being tall enough to grab the dish that had been too difficult a job for you.

Ugh. You needed him. Even if it were just for a fucking dish. 

When he placed the bowl on the counter, you reached to touch the bowl at the same moment he went to move his hand. And for a brief bit of time, your hands grazed each other. It happened for long enough that you both stilled your hands, appreciating the feeling. . .

He didn’t move from his spot behind you. 

He laid his palm flat on the counter, grounded himself. Boxed you in with his body — the sandalwood and vanilla in his cologne made your head swirl. You gripped the bowl tighter, enjoying the fact that he’d stayed behind you, but wanting more. His hot breath continued to bathe your already warm neck in the most delicious wisps of air. Naturally, you leaned into him just the slightest bit. Couldn’t help it.

Once more, his voice was in your ear. “Was Sam right?”

You turned your head to speak to him more directly, but kept your eyes downcast to maintain some sense of stability. Lowly, you questioned him right back. “Was he right about what?” 

“Are you going to mess around with Theo?” He hushed, breath fanning over your cheek. He spoke Theo’s name as if it were laced with poison. “You wanna take out your baby hormones on him?”

“That’s not your business, Jake,” you breathed back, shakily taking in some air to fill your tight lungs. You moved your hand to his, watching the movement. You gently traced your fingertips down his long digits. His strong hand fidgeted, flexing at the action. Slowly, you went to rest your palm on the top of his hand. 

But when you went to move your hand, he stopped you. His hand quickly turned the other way around to grab yours in a sure grip — seamlessly lacing your fingers. 

“Do you really want him?” he posed the question heatedly, placing a breath of a kiss on your temple, lips brushing your skin. 

“I don’t fucking know, Jake,” you hissed under your breath, arching into him as he brushed your hair to the side, once again pressing his lips to the column of your neck. 

Before you could think of another thing, Jake was spinning you around, your back smoothly connecting with the side of the fridge nearest to you. Your breath was heavy enough to emit a gasp at the motion. Just out of view from the guys, Jake kept you hidden, pulling you away from the fridge and closer to him.

His grasp on your hand let up a little, his palm pressing against the small of your back the best it could with your hand in the way. At the same time, he pressed his hips into yours, showing his reaction to you. 

Oh.

He kept hold of your hand at your lower back, his arm wrapped close around you. His strength held you in a secure grip, making you feel so safe and at home. . . Just like the lavender field. . . 

Your stomach was pressed into his, there was a sliver of skin where your belly was exposed at the hem of your t-shirt. Your warm skin brushed up against the buttons of his shirt and the soft material. The cottony linen of it felt like a dream against your skin, so close to him. His soft lips made home on your neck, placing wet kiss after wet kiss on the skin there. His tongue, peeking out only slightly to touch you with every nip from his lips.

He reached one hand up to hold your cheek, positioning your face just right to get the angle he wanted.

Your body ignited with heat and desire for him. The way your head fell back and your neck loosened with the tiniest sigh from your lips was unavoidable.

“You keep doing this to me, baby,” he groaned against your neck. Slowly, he lifted his mouth from you, his tongue had been so close to running over your pulse. You knew it.

But he’d stopped.

“Doing what to you, Jacob?” You grit back, pulling your head up lazily to stare at him. There was fire in your eyes as you peeked up at him from under your lashes. Your chest lifted in heavy breaths.

“I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help but look at you and— and. . .,” he trailed off, gently running his thumb over your cheekbone. His shoulders, sturdy, and curved in to keep you to himself. “I just look at you and want to bend you over and remind you that you can do better than him.”

Your thighs shivered, you were aching for him to do what he described. . .

Yet, as much as his words made you eager to do just what he wanted in the middle of this kitchen right this second. . . he’d said something you both needed to remember. It was wrong. Though, it was odd. . . Just as much as it felt foolishly wrong, it felt completely right.

But, right now, the wrong was what hung over your shoulders. The guys could walk in at any moment. Maya could arrive (thanks to Sam’s lovely invite) and catch you both. 

Wrapped up in each other. Goddammit.

“Jake,” you sighed, sadly and resolved to the decision to break up whatever was going on at the moment. “We shouldn’t– we shouldn’t be doing this. We aren’t together. This is–. You have Maya and I have to–.”

He didn’t take his eyes from you for several seconds, studying your face. You hadn’t moved. You didn’t want to be the first one to move. His eyebrows drew together in deep concentration. His amber-brown irises showed that he understood when he nodded hesitantly, backing away. You immediately missed the contact. His shoulders were tense and bunched up before he stood up straighter to roll them out. 

But, you could tell how upset it made him, eyes downcast until he was leaning against the island across from you, putting his hands out to grab hold of it when he was near enough. Across from you, he looked up at you with conflict painting his features. He understood the levity of the situations you kept putting yourselves in, but what he understood about it made him angry. Or, at least you assumed. You’d spent several months observing every little (and big) emotion Jake felt, you had a pretty good inclination on how well you could read the man. Most times. 

Besides, you felt the same exact way, so you could sense it billowing off of him in waves. 

“I know,” he sighed, his body rigid and eyes emptier than they’d been moments before. He slapped on a smile that stretched a little too tight across his lips. “Just–go rest. I need to wait in here for the pizzas to finish.”

“But I need to make the brown–.”

“I will make them.”

“Jake–.”

“Do you want to make them?”

“Yes, I want to eat some, so—.”

“But did you truly want to make them, or can you just let me do that for you?”

You stood there, at a loss over much more than the brownies. Without any other idea of how to respond, you just placed your hands on your hips, shrugging. Preparing and baking them had just been a distraction. 

If you weren’t going to allow yourself to be in the same room as Jake, all you really wanted to do was sit down and rest your feet after the long day. 

But damn. . .you’d made yourself want those brownies. . .The picture on the box was calling your name. . .

Jake huffed the smallest laugh, but his face was still void of any one emotion. “I know you don’t want to make them, but you want to eat them. Let me make them for you.”

Then, you looked over to the sink. You hadn’t finished with the lavender. You’d gotten distracted.

“The plant. I need to put it in a new–.”

“I’ll get it,” Jake said, his eyes the slightest bit brighter, even though his mouth still held a smile that didn’t look completely real. “You need to sit down. It’s been a long day. Go talk to my brothers or something. I’m sure you’d love to do that and they fucking love you, so.”

Well, it was settled, then. He was correct in all of that.

“And call your boyfriend,” he suddenly said, turning his back to you, tone too friendly. It sounded as though he was suddenly okay with Theo. You knew damn better than that. 

But you couldn’t question his sudden change in attitude with his back turned to you once again.

And why was his sudden shift in attitude pissing you the hell off? Stupid ass shit. It shouldn’t even matter — it just threw you for a loop. You were still so angry and he was just. . . Fine?

Ugh. If anything, it should have made you glad that he wasn’t being so hostile about Theo. . . But instead, you missed the way he inflamed at the mention of your study buddy. You missed the heat from moments ago.

You clenched your fists at your hips, digging into the flesh before you decided to pull down your shirt a little to cover your whole tummy. Even if it was only a couple inches of skin, it made you feel exposed and you were not in the mood anymore. 

To test him just a little, you fought back. “He’s not my–.”

“Well, he’s on his way to being it, so might as well start calling him that,” he responded, a little sharper. And with his broad back still to you, as he went about grabbing the rest of the ingredients. 

You stood there for a moment, contemplating what to say – if you should say anything. But when he avoided any and all eye contact, you decided to just leave the room. 

He was a pro at pissing you the fuck off. And you didn’t want to argue with him over something so stupid and trivial. 

You didn’t make a sound as you turned on your heel and made your way to the living room to be with the boys. Sam and his loud signature cackle that was bouncing off of the living room walls to greet you.

As soon as your ass hit the couch cushion, you were texting Theo. Because, well. . . fuck Jake. 

Suddenly, you were very excited to see how Jake might react to having him around all night. 

He took almost no time to respond. 

Theo, 6:23 p.m.: I’ll be there :) Thanks for thinking of me, beautiful!

The term of endearment made your heart leap in your chest, your cheeks blushing as a little grin fit to your lips. Beautiful. Every girl likes being called beautiful by a cute guy. You might as well fucking enjoy it. He was coming for you tonight. Only you. No one else. 

He only wanted you. You were special to him. Jake couldn’t say that. There was at least one woman more important than you and he made that clear by continuing to be with her. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you were relieved for it. . . 

In your heart, you knew that your graveyard of a past was not something he was responsible for. He didn’t need to be the one picking up the pieces. You’d rather him be with a woman who brought him nothing but joy. You brought doom and destruction. Right? You always had.

You were momentarily distracted as you watched Sam uselessly trying to put his hair in a high bun. Danny was rolling his eyes and soon coming to his rescue. He really was such a good friend. Everyone needed a Daniel Wagner in their life.

Then, as you were texting Theo back with a slightly flirty text, you wondered what the night might entail for you. Playing this damn game was ridiculous and petty, but you had a point to prove. To Jake and to yourself. You didn’t need him. 

Who knew if he cared to realize it. . . But you did. In all reality, you knew Jake really didn’t even care that much. It was more about the baby than you anyway, you were sure of it. And you still had a life you wanted to live and Jake’s role as the baby’s father wasn’t going to deter you.

So, you contemplated. 

Should you take it a step further? Force yourself out of Jake Mode? You hadn’t been with anyone else for a long-ass time. . . It could be really good for you. Even if it felt a little strange doing that with someone else while Jake’s baby moved around (apparently quite a bit) inside your belly. You couldn’t feel her yet, but Dr. Rose had assured you that it would be coming sooner than later. 

What would it be like when you could feel her? Would that make sex with someone else even more awkward? 

You rolled your eyes at that thought. Duh. It would be like your baby giving you a piece of her mind for giving anyone but her Daddy attention. Well, too bad her Daddy wanted to give someone else attention. And too bad you were too fucked up to give yourself to her Daddy. 

Damn, even though you’d just been pissed at Jake, referring to him as Daddy in your head was doing something to you. Something Jake couldn’t be the one to help you with. Because you were done with the foolish moments.

You knew you’d end up needing help alleviating some of that pent up tension. All of the. . . moments with Jake recently weren’t doing your over-excited sex drive and hormones any good. You were on the verge of going absolutely ballistic if you didn’t do something to ease the pent up energy.

And you were not about to give Jake the idea that he would be the one to help (as much as you wanted it). Not anymore would you give that idea to him. Not when he was so quick to turn you on and just as soon turn his back. 

Fuck that.

-🌼🌼🌼- 

“I call the hard liquor!” Sam excitedly declared as he started fast walking towards the kitchen. 

“Dear God,” Josh grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer. “Please, God no.”

“Um, absolutely not,” Danny replied, already following closely behind. 

Theo quickly got up to follow the other two, acting like he was somehow part of the inside joke. It was awkward to watch, but you were glad he was up and away from you for a little bit. His arm had been around you all night and it had been suffocating the air around you. Claustrophobia was definitely real.

After a few seconds of feeling the relief, it dawned on you what Sammy had said. Liquor. This was a drinking game. Duh.

“Fuuuck,” you groaned with a small huff. For some reason, you’d totally forgotten about the whole drinking part of the game.

“What, love?” Josh inquired, brows knit in concern. “You okay?”

“Yes,” you drew out the word with a sad smile and a shake of your head. “I just remembered it’s a drinking game.”

“Oh no,” Maya chimed in, her naturally whiny voice getting right under your skin. It was obvious she was trying too hard to act like she cared.

She sounds like a goddamn Kardashian, you thought with an internal roll of your eyes. 

“Oh, y/n. Fuck. Do we need to find a different game?” Josh wondered aloud, doe-eyed and totally willing to uproot the one game Sam wanted to play. It was Sam’s night and you weren’t about to rain on his already-depressing parade. “We can total–.”

“No, Joshy,” you swatted the idea away with a wave of your hand. With a hand to your belly, you leaned back, a wider grin gracing your lips. “I’ll just sit here and watch. It’ll be just as fun.”

“No it won’t,” Josh argued, shaking his head. “I want you to participate. Let me think. . .,” He was silent for a bit, his thinking face on as he tapped a finger to his chin. His eyes lit up after a few seconds, apparently coming up with something. “How about none of us drink and we just get out if we laugh?”

“The drinking adds to the hilarity of the game,” you replied. “Seriously, Josh. It’s o–.”

“How about. . .,” Jake suddenly chimed in to your left, having taken up the chaise with Maya. Your skin heated at hearing his voice. You hadn’t looked his way since he’d come to sit in the living room an hour or so ago.

You’d been rude enough to not even say thank you for the delicious pizza you’d all devoured. Or the brownies that he’d ended up baking for you, swirling caramel in with them and everything. He’d done more than he had to, but you didn’t want to think about it.

But, you decided to finally show him a little respect by turning your head in the direction of his voice. “How about I don’t drink either and you and I can just play the game by getting out if we laugh,” he paused, probably assuming you’d turn all the way to look at him better in response. You didn’t. “Um. . . Everyone else can drink. It’ll still be funny that way and we don’t have to break Sammy’s heart by taking away the drinking.”

Why was he being so sweet? You hated how kind he could be. It did your heart very little good.

“Jake, no. Don’t do that. I’ll be–,” you began, finally letting your eyes flit over to him. But, he wasn’t looking at you. No, he was watching Josh who’d started clapping. 

Apparently Josh liked the idea. 

“Great thinking, Jacob!” Josh applauded him from his spot at the ottoman. Then, the curly headed twin languidly rose from his spot on the ottoman, brushing his khaki pants before pointing towards the kitchen. “If that’s all settled, I’m going to grab a White Claw and assist Daniel in herding Sam back in here.”

Without any time to protest and Josh already on his way to the kitchen, you were out-voted. No drinking for you or Jake, apparently. 

“Well. . .,” Maya dragged in her valley-girl twang, dragging a hand up Jake’s arm that you immediately turned your head down at seeing. “I won’t drink if you don’t, babe.” 

Your stomach lurched at her acting like she could save the day by not making Jake do something alone with the pregnant lady.

“No. . . it’s okay,” Jake said in return, trying to use a honeyed little voice to reassure her. 

You could’ve puked on the spot. 

“I don’t want you to feel alone, though,” the gorgeous dark-haired woman offered. You were glad you’d been avoiding looking at them all night. You’d watched her walk in and claim the chaise. Aaand that had been enough. You hated watching her and Jake and it was honestly aggravating how perfect she was in her statuesque beauty. 

“I won’t be alone,” he reminded her in the same sugary tone. “Y/n isn’t drinking either.”

There was a pause where it seemed like Maya was weighing whether or not that was a valid response. You decided it didn’t even fucking matter to you what she thought. 

At the perfect time, you heard Stevie approach your legs with a meow.  So, you took advantage of her seeking you out and lifted her to sit in your lap. Of course, the cat relaxed easily against your crossed legs (because, thankfully, you could still do that — barely). 

But when you heard a hushed voice coming from Maya and Jake’s direction, you obviously had to peek over. Were they whispering about you? 

When you looked their way, you realized it was only Maya doing the whispering. Jake sat there, leaned forward towards you, his hands clasped and elbows sitting on his thighs. His eyes were cast down as she said whatever she was saying in his ear, his brows scrunched as if thinking critically over what she was saying. 

You squinted at her with her mouth so close to his ear, her hair draped over her shoulder, body turned almost entirely towards him. You could still see her incredible cleavage from this vantage point. God.

As you further observed, you noticed her hand was up to cover her mouth, too. Little fucking secret keeper. This was your fucking apartment – if the bitch had something to say, she needed to say it out loud. 

So, with a clenched jaw and slanted eyes, you addressed it. “You know, May–.”

“It’s fine, babe,” Jake spit out before you could say anything, his eyes flicking over to yours as if to say ‘It’s not worth it.’ “I don’t care that much. You have fun. I promise I’ll still have fun, too. Have you met my brothers? They don’t need alcohol to act like idiots.”

Maya’s eyes were downcast as she rubbed Jake’s arm, squeezing his bicep. 

Then you watched in horror as she rubbed salt in the wound, cupping both hands around his cheeks and bringing him over to her. And, sitting there, still petting Stevie, you got to gloomily witness Maya wrapping her lips around his. It was in the most sultry manner (or was that just her?) – laying her claim on the man whose child you held inside of you. 

Being the person on the opposite side of this made you want to fucking puke. His eyes closing in appreciation of the kiss was icing on the damn cake. And the way his line of sight found you mid-kiss and clung to you until the end of the mini makeout was hell. The deepest, most fiery crevice of hell.

-🌼🌼🌼- 

The giggle that erupted from Josh as he drew his card was so loud, you were certain the neighbors could hear as it echoed. He’d knocked out more than a couple of White Claws — and drank them much faster than he should have.

He shook his head, his hand cupping his mouth to muffle yet another boisterous laugh as he read again to himself.

“Elmo can’t believe this!” He exclaimed, chuckling afterwards as the rest of you shared tiny grins and wide eyes. Was he imitating a Sesame Street character?

And, when he started singing Elmo’s World, your theory was confirmed.

It was. . . alarming how perfectly he mimicked the red, furry character. Almost as if the puppet lived inside of him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Sam snarked, confused and clearly lacking any patience with his brother's antics. 

The rest of you were caught in a fit of giggles as Josh continued to say things as Elmo, in third person and everything. Though you were also confused as hell, you were equally impressed by his spot-on impersonation. 

The youngest brother leaned forward to try to nab the card from Josh, but Josh hastily brought his hand back to himself.

“My card, Sam!” Josh shouted, slapping his younger brother's hand away, still wheezy laughing. Then, he shook his head, pretending to dust off the front of the card. “What an imbecile,” he mumbled, a tad bit more serious to imply his annoyance with Sam.

The roll of Sam’s eyes was the most dramatic display of exasperation you’d ever seen from him, and that was certainly saying something. You tried so hard to hold back your laughter, fearful that any more pressure on your tummy would cause you to pee right on the spot. (Thanks, pregnancy.) 

“Then shut the hell up and read it,” Sam spat, impatiently waiting to move along with the game.  

“Okay, okay,” Josh started, holding his card in front of his face, pretending to adjust the invisible monocle that was (not) sitting over his left eye for an added dramatic effect. “You’re a tickle me Elmo.” He cleared his throat, attempting to hold whatever his persona was, but cracking yet another laugh after he read the words aloud. “. . . And you insist that the target tickle you, and if they do, get furious at them.” 

The room resounded with a collective “Oh!” once you all discovered the true reasoning behind his little (and terrifyingly accurate) impression. 

He held the card down just enough that his eyes peeked over the cardstock, his right eyebrow cocked as his eyes flitted around the room. “Who shall be my playmate?” He joked as he placed his hand on the bottle, spinning it with a graceful tap, just enough to land on the person sitting right beside him: Samuel.

“That’s not fair!” Sam protested, still drunk, but thankfully having been cut off from the hard stuff as soon as he’d tried to claim it at the beginning of the game. “You didn’t spin hard enough, Joshua! Not a fair spin. Do it again.”

“The bottle chooses who it chooses, brother,” Jake chimed in from his spot, where you refused to look. 

You just settled back into Theo’s arm that was slung across the back of the couch, trying your best to be comfortable. Fake it till you make it. And when Sam straight up pouted for thirty seconds straight, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. 

“Samuel Francis,” you said his name flatly. “Just play the goddamn card with Josh. Jesus. There is definitely worse. You’re just lucky he’s not–.”

“Naming every part of my body while touching it,” Sam interrupted, locking eyes with you as he raised a brow. A mischievous grin rising under his mustache.

And as your mind rushed with the memory, you couldn’t stop your eyes from flicking to Josh’s. Of course, he was already looking at you. He knew now was not the time. You knew he knew.

And from your peripheral, you saw Danny looking at you as well. And when you looked over towards him, he was giving you a look that said ‘don’t listen to him’, which you waved off with a swat of your hand in the air and a shaky smile. 

Don’t think about it, y/n, your inner voice counseled you. Sam’s just drunk and doesn’t hold enough stock in what he’s saying for you to take it personally. Just ignore him.

“Sam.” You heard Jake sternly say his name, close to you from where he sat snugly in the chaise to your left. The seriousness in his tone made you freeze.

And this time when he spoke, you let yourself look at him. Instantly, you regretted it, seeing his arm around Maya’s shoulders. But you just focused on how his eyes found yours for a solid ten seconds, full of fire and a sort of protection. Your heart leapt in your chest at the same time he trained his eyes, once again, on Sam. “Fuck right off and go tickle Josh. Suck it the hell up.”

-🌼🌼🌼- 

The night continued on after Sam tickled Josh’s (very creepy) version of Elmo.

After that one, you got to witness a few more hilarious rounds. You’d belly laughed at Sam imitating a bird and pecking endlessly at Josh with his nose. The way your sides hurt when Danny got to be Nicholas Cage while searching for the Declaration of Independence (Jake had been the Declaration of Independence) was incomparable. And you tried hard to not cringe when Theo had been Mickey Mouse going through withdrawals and looking for drugs that his target had (that lucky target had been Sam, once again).

Thankfully, you’d had to pee at the perfect time and got to skip your turn. But when you came back, Maya had just gone and it was Jake’s turn.

He had just picked his card once you worked to make yourself comfortable on the couch. As comfortable as you could be. It took you a moment to find the right spot, groaning as you finally settled.

Theo, of course, didn’t offer any help. He was oblivious to your pain, ignoring it altogether as he sat on the cushion next to you.

But, Jake noticed. You knew he did. And so, you looked up and over at him for his understanding.

It was confirmed for you when he was already watching you, his body sitting up a little straighter where he sat on the edge of the chaise, facing you and the rest of the room. His card, in his hand, but of little to no importance to him at the moment.

It was as if he was ready to drop it all and help if needed. But you just shook your head at him to reassure him you were fine.

Though, when you heard the soft timbre in his voice as he leaned forward to quietly check on you, you were no longer fine. And it was as though there was no Theo or Maya or anyone in the room.

For a moment, at least.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you said to him, avoiding looking at him for too long, knowing it would hurt if you offered more. “Just a little hard to get comfy these days.”

You offered one more quick glance to see if he’d heard you. And after he’d nodded in response to you, he let his eyes readjust to the card.

His eyes lit up when he read the card to himself, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he giggled under his breath. His beautiful teeth, on full display in a wide smile.

Then, his face was serious. He was putting on a persona. You looked at him with wide eyes and a smirk, waiting for whatever this was. One of his eyebrows raised as he flourished a gesture with one hand.

“Oh, fuck no,” Josh groaned from his spot across the room. “Not the Johnny Depp. Please.”

“You’re a pirate, and your map shows where the buried treasure is,” he read aloud, using his best Jack Sparrow accent, flailing his arm and slurring together his words as though he had just downed the last sip of rum. “The bloody problem is. . . It’s in your Target’s. . .,” he paused, presumably for some sort of dramatic effect.

“There is no way the card said ‘bloody problem,” Daniel jested with a laugh.

“A Jake treat, I’m sure,” Josh added.

You let your eyes roll as you repositioned your body, the last one already beginning to cause aches and pains as you prepared yourself for whatever this card said.

But, as you were about to discover, there was no preparing for this one.

“The treasure is in,” he said again, a bit firmer for emphasis and with a glare towards the two mocking brothers. (The glare wasn’t any good for your comfortability, by the way.) “Your target’s. . . .pants,” he finished. The room shot off in laughter, while you were silently panicking inside your mind.

Fuck.

He held the card between his middle and index fingers, then flicked it across the room before reaching his hand to the bottle. (Why was that so fucking sexy?)

You clenched your fists, your jaw, everything as the bottle was spinning, slowly contemplating the fate of the unlucky (rather, very lucky) soul it would choose as Jake’s victim.

Please no. Please no, you thought looking away from it would somehow deter it from landing on you. (As if it fucking worked that way.)

But, when you heard it come to a stop, and heard the collective gasp from everyone in the room, you knew.

The bottle, in all of its glory, was pointing right at you.

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: hmmm… we’ve returned to our beloved game from game night in chapter 3… I wonder what’s in store…

See you in a couple/few days with the rest of this chapter!

xoxoxo — love you all so incredibly much <333

-🌼🌼🌼- 

Taglist (continued in reblog):

@jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlover, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me, @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles, @builtbybrokenbells, @stardustjake, @indigostreaksolo, @tripthelightfantastix, @kiszkas-canvas, @jakebrainrot, @anthemheatwave

@chichi610, @freyjalw, @scoreofinfantryvines, @stonecoldmo, @divapadam

I tried to tag everyone, but you all know how it goes! 🤦‍♀️ Please make sure you’re filling out my Google form if you would like to be tagged and aren’t already on the taglist! <3

[throughthebluesea]

I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship

pairing: bada lee x reader

word count: 2.49k

genre: friends to lovers, bada secretly pining over 'straight' reader, howl is a jerk in this fic i am so sorry, i am a fan of his, some angst, slightly suggestive (if you squint), lusher and tatter being so supportive, lusher's gaydar never miss.

den's notes: got this idea from @deathspartner and i hope i gave justice to the prompt. this is inspired by the song jenny by studio killers, the mood maker of this one shot. not proofread, but i hope yall still like it! i might open requests, btw so let me know your thoughts and comments! i really appreciate it!

"i told you, i can't!"

tatter lets out an exasperated sigh for the last time and rolled away from their friend. tatter may have insane patience at times, but this time, she's had it. lusher finds it hilarious, though. their demise is lusher's joy, after all.

bada scowled at the two. at this point, she had given up with her friends. she expects the two to give her the best advice, but all she got were sighs and laughters.

"ssaem, i love you. but i already told you. you're not even sure y/n-ssaem is straight! give it a try!"

"plus, i don't think y/n-unnie is straight. my gay-dar never failed me." lusher adds.

"it's awkward! plus she's my best friend! i can't just barge in and say 'oh! hi my bff y/n! you're so hot and i wanna say i am pining over you since the day we met' randomly. i will look crazy!"

the two younger ones just stared at their mentor, thinking that she's being too pathetic and overthinking everything.

"plus... she's seeing howl." she said with disdain, and she can't hide how her eyes roll in annoyance.

both lusher and tatter knew how down bad bada was towards you, ever since you were introduced as one of the members of team bebe. you two are the same age, with bada older than you by a few days. you always thought that you two were soulmates because of these factors. your friendship started blooming, and the two of you were unstoppable.

sometimes, bada would get you as backup for the choreography drafts she directs, and you would do the same thing when you do your choreography drafts.

dancing became something both of you connect. and it became the turning point of bada's feelings towards you that is beyond borders of friendship began to bloom.

you had this habit of placing a hand on the small of her back, and trust me, bada tries her best not to crumble on the spot out of pure delight and just... her being intensely whipped of her best friend.

bada would think that what she's feeling is bad because... first, she's her best friend, and she remembered one conversation you had at the just jerk family dinner, and you mentioned that you don't see yourself dating girls.

that shit broke her heart. and bada tried to subside her feelings for you. but... she can't help revive such feelings when certain situations arise.

being best friends with you means that you are open to her about all the boys you had slept with. just by hearing your stories, it broke her. right now, you are seeing howl, a colleague of them inside the academy. bada would silently cringe when you told your stories of your moments with howl.

at the back of her mind while listening to you is that she wished it was her hands touching every crevice of her body, feeling every curve you had, the one hearing your voice when you cry out of—

bada shook her head at the thought and sighed. this is probably her fifteenth time sighing. "it's hopeless."

tatter was about to reason out to her usual banter when she heard shouting from outside. the three recognized your voice and howl's.

"and how the fuck am i supposed to react to that, huh?"

"y/n, she is nothing! trust me!"

"trust you?! howl, this is the 3rd time i saw you with moana! and this time, i caught you two smooching each other inside my class studio!"

"moana is just a close friend! y/n, don't let your jealousy take over your senses!"

"I FUCKING DID IT, HOWL. I SET ASIDE MY JEALOUS FEELINGS BECAUSE I TRUST YOU."

the three went silent, and they can hear you sigh. the two looked at bada, who is staring at the door, her hands clenched in anger.

'what the actual fuck, howl? i trusted y/n on you and you will do this shit? also, how did i not know that THAT jerk is doing this to my y/n?!' she thought to herself.

"this isn't working out, howl. let's just end this... i'll just act you're invisible here and just talk to you for purely business only."

she twisted the door knob, entering the studio where the three were in. they scrambled to the side and acted that they're not inside.

you were too into your emotions that you didn't notice the three inside. before howl can barge in and enter, she locked the door and slid down against it.

you listened to him sighing and left the area. the thought of him not even trying to take you back hurted you the most, and tears fell down your cheeks because of it.

the three watched in silence. they felt bad at your broken state, but bada was more hurt. she hates it when you get hurt, and she hates herself for not being there for you when you were suffering.

bada probably hated howl more because she trusted him that you will he taken care of but the fucker chose to break your heart.

tatter pulled out her phone and quickly typed a message directly to bada's phone, and sent it to her.

'time to be y/n-ssaem's knight in shining armor.'

when bada sees the message, she whipped her head towards the younger and glared at her. tatter rolled her eyes and pointed at you, mouthing a 'fucking go, unnie! do it!'

lusher was doing the same thing.

bada sighed quietly and walked towards your weak figure and cleared her throat to get your attention.

you lift your head up and your eyes grew wide at the sight of bada towering you. "b-bada-ya... you were here the whole time?"

she scratches the back of her head and sat beside you. "actually, lusher, tatter and i were here and... we actually heard everything. i'm sorry you had to go through that. howl is such a fucking jerk." she said, gritting her teeth.

lusher and tatter let out noises, agreeing with what the older said, and excused themselves so they can leave the two alone.

"i'm sorry... it's my fault, i trusted him way too much..." you said weakly, and you automatically leaned against her frame. bada's instinct kicked in and hugged her tight. "shh... this is not your fault, okay? if howl had some decency, he wouldn't do this to a pretty girl like you."

just the warmth of her arm around you unlocked more of your tears and you sobbed, and clinged onto her.

bada sighed and stayed silent for you, silently cooing to encourage you to cry and let it all out. she gently stroked the small of your back and stayed there for you.

you would mention something self-deprecating, and bada would dismiss it immediately, reassuring you.

"let's go to your place?" she asks when your hiccups and sobs stopped. you nod, and that's her sign for her to help you up and bring you to her car, and both of you drove to your apartment.

when you've arrived, she never left your side and helped you with everything. and when you settled down your room, bada announced that she's gonna leave her now (because she wanted to give you space, or some moment to clear your thoughts for a good while), but you stopped her.

"stay." you said and looked at her, and she groaned inwardly because she can't say to your boba-like eyes when you want to get something from her. bada obliges and she removed her cardigan first and scooted inside the blanket, hugging you immediately.

she heard you sigh and clinged her arms around you. "thank you, bada... i don't know what to do if you're not here."

she hummed in response, and pulled you closer. eventually the two of you fell asleep.

-

morning came, and bada was the first one to wake up. the sight of you peacefully sleeping dawned her, and she sighed. you're too precious, she thought. she instinctively fixed your bangs, and then she stared at your face.

"you're making it so hard for me not to fall for you, y/n..." she said faintly, "i'm sorry for hiding this. i just don't wanna ruin our friendship, but there's part of me that wants it. i wanna ruin our friendship, y/n. i can take care of you more than howl... let me love you."

she didn't realized that while she was talking, she had her eyes close and her face leaned close to yours. and she didn't notice that you have woken up and were able to hear her 'morning epiphany'.

"is that what you want, bada?" you asked softly.

bada's eyes opened and looked at you, shocked. "y-you heard it...?"

"most of it..."

"shit... i'm sorry." she sits up, and was about to leave your side, but you're too quick and grabbed her wrist, preventing her from leaving.

"why are you apologizing?"

"because... i shouldn't have caught feelings with my best friend... but i can't help it! you were kind, nice, talented, pretty, and most of all, you deserve the world and i wanted to give it to you. but i was afraid to confess because you might end our years of friendship, and i know you're not into girls... now that the truth is out, you will hate me and will cut ties with me... i'm sorry, i will set aside these feelings for you. i don't wanna lose my closest friend."

"i don't wanna lose you."

you noticed that she was looking down while she fiddled her long, slender fingers, something she does when she's nervous or she gets caught in the act when she pulls pranks at your crew.

you smiled at your friend and cupped her cheek, guiding you to look at her. there was this fond smile playing on your lips. "silly, you don't need to cut ties with me, nor set aside your feelings."

bada stared at you as her lips formed to a pout. "what do you mean..."

"i'm sorry i didn't know sooner... the one that understands me and takes care of me was at my side after all."

she stayed silent, and you grew anxious that she's not even reacting. on bada's part, she is trying to process what you said.

"earth to bada lee... did i lost her already?" you asked in a teasing manner. a tinge of light blush graced the latter's cheeks and cleared her throat.

that gesture made you chuckle, and you moved your hand to gently comb her strawberry and black locks. after being frozen for quite awhile, bada pulled your body close and hugged your waist tight. you felt her exhale and that made you smile more.

"i thought you're not into girls..."

what she said had you laughing. "i did say that, but the truth is, i don't see myself dating girls at the moment because of one reason."

bada pulled away and stared at you. lusher's voice echoed on her brain.

"plus, i don't think y/n-unnie is straight. my gay-dar never failed me."

well, her gay-dar didn't fail her at all. shaking the thought off, she squeezed your hand, urging you to continue.

"remember noze?" she nods. "yeah. what about her."

"i used to have this HUGE crush on her. i am head over heels on her. everything that she liked, i try to like what she does, eats, reads... just to get some sort of... good points on her."

bada began to blush, since she can relate to what you told her. she began to use the scent you wore because if felt like you were with her, and she gets validation from you that bada liked what you liked, as well.

she tried exploring on her cafè orders, venturing on the sweeter ones because you liked sweet blends.

all of those are hidden under her intentions of being your 'greatest best friend' image. she hid her pining over you under that image.

"we played a lot, we kissed, just your 'friends with benefits' shit, but when i was about to confess, she confessed that she was dating aiki-ssaem. and asked to stop what we're doing and just stayed at friends..." you continued. bada noticed sadness in your eyes, but you tried to smile.

"that was my first heartbreak... and she was the first female i fell in love with. that time, i realized that maybe liking girls is not for me. because i end up hurting. no one knew that story, you were the first."

bada went silent, but her fingers are still intertwined against your own. you were silent, as well, but minutes later, you were the first to break it.

"you know, the first time i met you, i felt attracted to you... but i got scared. because i might end up heartbroken again."

she looked up at you and saw you staring at her. "i like you, but i am scared, so i tried fooling around with others, trying to remove whatever feelings i have for you, but it reappears as much as i make it disappear."

"i think i still like you..." you confessed. bada gasped, and didn't hesitate to close the distance between you two, cupping both your cheeks and pressed her lips against your own.

your eyes grew wide but slowly flutters close as the hidden feelings took over. same goes with bada, all the feelings she tried to hide, now she pours it on the kiss.

she pulled away and stared at you. "my feelings for you never left, y/n..."

you stared back right into her brown orbs, and tears started forming on the corners of your eyes. bada hushed and wiped the tears away before it even fell. "i promise not to hurt you."

and you believe that. she was there from the beginning, and never left despite everything that happened. the pain from earlier slowly disappeared, and you don't fear what the future is because you have bada on your side. as your best friend, and as your partner... soon.

-

weeks later, things are going well between you and bada, and the rest of team bebe are delighted with the shift. lusher liked the glow that bada exudes during practices. she was more enthusiastic, and she had to thank you for that.

tatter liked your shift from mega depresso mood back to your cheerful and playful self. like bada, you're enthusiastic during practice runs.

but, what both tatter and lusher liked was the shift between you and bada. along with the other team bebe members, they felt love. the glances you two had and the way you two get so touchy (in a non-sexual way, of course.) during breaks. they inwardly groan because they had to endure the love bird moments, but kidding aside, they were glad the finally, they made it in each other's arms.

no more hidden pining, no more secrets.

— fin.

[wineauntharry]

New Nerves j.b.

guys!! Don’t hate me but a lot of my stuff will prob be short since i’m easing back into writing. I love you all endlessly and i am working through the requests i promise!

Based off of these requests:

“hey! Can you write something where the reader and Joe are in a fairly new relationship and she goes to her first game of his, standing in the family area on the sidelines, and this is their first public outing?

THANK YOU!”

and

“Yay welcome back!! What about a Joe burrow one where you go down to the field to see him right before the game? “

…………

New Nerves

j.b.

“come down i wanna see u :)”

Joe had texted me while I was up sitting in the box with the rest of his family waiting for the game to start. We were enjoying a few drinks dressed in our orange when I excused myself. I snuck out of my seat and made my way towards the door when Joe’s mom asked me where I was headed to.

“Y/N where are you headed to?” she asked.

“Joe is begging for me to come down there so you know I have to before he throws a tantrum.” I replied with a slight giggle.

“That boy is so dramatic. Well, if you stop for a snack, grab me one pretty please.” she asked.

“Will do ma.” I let out quickly before turning back around and heading out. 

My nerves were a little wracked since this was the first time Joe and I were gonna be seen in public as a couple. Sure we had been together since our sophomore year of college, but ever since Joe started his professional career, we kept things private.

 I made my way down the steps past all of the seated fans and went over to the ledge where I saw Joe stretching and talking to his other teammates. I wanted to grab his attention but I knew how important it was for him to warm up. I had been waiting for a few minutes when Ja’Marr had pointed me out to Joe. I saw his head snap and we made eye contact as the widest, cheeky grin flooded his face.

He came jogging over to me like the cutest little kid. Not even noticing the photographers on the field pointing their cameras in our direction.

“Hi baby” he said through a grin.

“Hey honey” I replied as I leaned down over the railing to place a kiss on his forehead.

“No lips?” he questioned with his puppy dog eyes.

I bent back down with a huff to place a soft kiss on his lips. Just as our lips connected I felt both of his arms snake under my armpits as he brought me down over the railing with a swift pull.

“Joseph! Everyone is gonna see us!” I yelled as I was laughing.

“Sorry baby, just missed you a little extra. Plus who cares, you’re with me not them. ” He replied with a warm smile and rosey cheeks to match it.

“You’re crazy” I said as he finally placed my feet on the ground and towered over me with all of his gear on. He was always so handsome.

“Can’t keep my girl a secret anymore.” He replied while placing one of his hands on the small of my back, lightly pushing on it to bring me closer to him. I was admiring how pretty he was when his teammates started yelling for him to head over to their huddle since the game was about to begin.

“Joe, you gotta go, come on.” I said sternly.

He placed a few more sloppy kisses on my lips before he placed his hands back on my hips. I turned around to face the ledge again as he helped me jump up to reach it. I stablelized my footing as I propped myself up over the ledge. I turned around to wish him good luck. 

As he was running off I was blowing him kisses and mouthing ‘i love you’ until he turned around and reached his hudled team. 

As I was making my way up the stairs back to the box I noticed fans with their phones out.

Shit.

Realizing that people had seen us being affectionate for the first time was all I could think about. I always told Joe how worried I was about how mean some people on the internet could be. He always reassured me that I was safe with him. God, he was so convincing.

As I reached the box where the rest of his family was sitting, the worries about social media and pda that had previously flooded my mind were washed away when I realized I forgot the most important thing.

His moms snack

I mean she couldn’t be that mad if I didn’t stop to get myself one, right?

………………..

guys why do i kind of hate this lol somebody please invalidate the negative feelings. ANYWAYS, thank you for the absolutely insane support, i can’t thank you guys enough i am so serious. sorry this is so short, i don’t feel super confident yet. regardless of that I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!

xx, kitt

masterlist!

requests!

[unamused-boss]

Say What?

Billy Hargrove x Fem Reader

18+ Smut. semi-public sex Summary: Date night went exactly how it should be. A night of passion and love after the events of Starcourt back in the summer. Now that spring is here new things are happening. Until Eddie Munson is being wanted for murder and everyone shows up at your house to get some more help. But Eddie Munson being wanted for murder won't be the only surprise.

This date night was everything you could have ever wished for from Billy. A drive in movie to a lot, a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant. Billy made every stop. He got you flowers, held the door open for you, cuddled you at the movie; ever since the incident at the mall he has become a more thought out person. He was already thinking about you everyday, but now he thinks about his effect on others. Especially with the others from when Starcourt happened.

However for now he wants to keep you to himself. Your relationship has been secret since the beginning of last year. Billy is utterly obsessed with you. He wants to be around every second of the day, holding you, kissing you, touching you in any way possible.

"Ah~ah~AH!" Which is what he is doing right now. Your ass straight in the air. His rough hands holding your waist helping with slamming his cock right into your pussy. Your moans not stopping only getting louder and louder with every thrust he sends into you. At this very moment your are so happy your parents are out of town for spring break.

"You like that baby~" Billy sighed. "You want some more, princess." The use of the pet name made you clench around his cock. You felt him lean down to your back, not stopping his motion in the slightest. His breath fanned the nape of your neck his lips connected to your hot skin. Leaving a trail of kisses all along it. His hands moved from your hips and to your breasts. Cupping them, squeezing them, playing with them it felt like static all throughout your body. The overflowing sense of pleasure filled you. God it made you even more wet. His thrusts began to feel more sporadic. "Come on babe, I know you can take all of me."

"Ah~ ah~..." Your moans and whimpers continued. With one deep thrust you felt Billy go balls deep into your pussy. "Holy shit~!" You two were left panting. You fell to your bed, Billy continued to hold himself up with his arms. You felt his cock slowly the heat never leaving your body.

"You wanna go another round." Billy grinned.

"Yes!" You flipped over to face him on top of you. You pull him down to capture him in a lustful kiss. His hands groping every inch of you. Legs entangled and arm wrapped around each other. Nothing but pure adoration for one another. "Can I ride you?" You asked breathlessly.

"Hell yeah!" You were flipped over laying on his stomach at the moment. You giggled leaning down to him to capture one more kiss. Your hips rose over his hard cock, pulsing just waiting for you. You bring your hips down, with the help of the slick from before it was a little easier to get his dick in you. You moaned at the sensation. Your hips started to grind into him, his hand forcing your hips further down onto his cock. To was all to blissful.

Till your landline started to go off on your bed side table. You both just starred at each other. Not knowing what to do.

"Answer it." Billy said.

"What?" You chirped. "Why?"

"Cause I wanna see you hold yourself together while I'm fucking you." God that made you even more wet.

"What if I moan into the phone?" You panicked to your boyfriend.

"Then I guess you better stay quiet, sweetheart." Billy said, lowering his voice in just the way you love it.

"Fine." You huffed leaning your body over to grab the phone. Every muscle tensing with pleasure as you moved. The receiver was in your hand. "Hello?" You answered, Billy's hand moving from your hip to your clit. Rubbing it causing more friction between you two.

"Hey! (Y/N)!" Fuck it's Robin.

"Hey Robin, what do you need?" You asked. Billy started to move his hips into a forward motion. Fucking right into you. You felt like you were bitting through your lip to keep any noise from coming out of your mouth.

"So how ya doing?" Robin asked, there was something behind this phone call. But you were focused on other things.

"I'm doing good." You steadily said. "What's with the-" You were interrupted by a rough thrust from Billy's hips. You inhaled in, "What's with the late night call girl?"

"Oh I just wanted to chat for a minute." Yep there was definitely something going on behind the call. Another rough thrust was pushed into you. His constant grinding made you want to drool at the delicious sensation happening in your vagina.

"Ah-hem, can this wait till later Robin?" You asked desperately. Your bodies were heated, sweat was dripping from every curve, the constant motion made you mad.

"No! I mean, no it can't- wait what?" You heard faint voices in the back ground of the call. Billy flipped you over.

"Ah!" You squeaked out at his action. You now lay beneath him as he thrusts into you. "Mmhm~" You moaned into your pressed lips. His head dips into your neck leaving lustful kisses all it.

"Are you okay?" Robin asked.

"Yep! just fine, just stubbed my toe."

Billy leaned up into your ear, "That's all baby~" he whispered into you ear, kissing the shell of your ear.

"Oh okay." Robin said. "Well I was wondering if-" You didn't hear the rest that she had to say. Billy's thrusts quickened even more. Pounding into with every ounce a strength he has. All you focus was on keeping quiet. The sound of your skin slapping against the others was riveting. Their bodies yearned of one another. Light touches soon turned into clawing down Billy's back. His thrusts hitting every part of your body never stopping. You wonder if he is even tired at this point, his stamina did not falter. Your skins was flushed to the point that you as if you were burnt. Burnt with the pleasure of a man that could satisfy you. Your free hand was tugging at the curls of his hair. His thrusts become untamed. The sensation over powered you.

"So does that work for you?" Robin's long ramble finally concluded.

"Yeah, totally works. I gotta go now Robs bye~" You desperately spoke into the phone. Slamming the phone back down where it should'v been the whole night. Hung up. "Ah~Ah~Ahh~".

"That's it baby, come undone for me." He said hungrily. His movements become even faster. Unrhythmic patterns flow through your body. Your moan finally become unleashed. Every possible noice comes out of you with pleasure. "You ready Baby~".

"Yees~" Billy kept his hips in motion. Pounding into you, however that speed started to slow done. You knew you both were close to being undone. He gives one last thrust right into you. Electricity runs through your veins. You swear your neighbors could hear you from the noises that you were making. Billy takes his time taking himself out of your pussy. He laid himself next to you. You both now lay in bed breathless from your actions.

"That was amazing..." Billy huffed.

"Yeah~" You breathlessly spoke.

Last night was the most riveting night ever. You don’t remember much from your night of fornication with Billy. You do remember Billy helping you to the bathroom through out the night. The sun was coming through the curtains in your room. You felt the warm skin go across your skin. You stretched your arm out to fin Billy. Your hand found the small of his back, you rub your hand up his back. You leaned up onto his back, kissing all along his neck.

"Hey handsome~" You kissed Into his skin.

He flipped over, taking you into his arms. " Hello~" he brings you closer than you already are. You look over to the clock on your bedside to see it read 10:57 am.

“Damn, we were out for a while.” You joked, cuddling yourself back into Billy.

"That just means we gotta make up for lost time." Billy dipped his head into your neck, kissing all over your jaw. You giggle that the ticklish sensation from some of his stubble rubbing against your cheek. You try to move back, away from Billy, but Billy following you. Now on top of you, smushing you under his weight, holding you in place, peppering kisses all over you. This morning could not get any better.

The ring of your door bell rang through the house. You and Billy both stop what you are doing. 'who the hell is here?'

"Where you expecting someone?" Billy asked.

"No I don't think so?" You answered. "I don't know how- Shit it's Robin!" You quickly get up frantically looking for clothes to wear. While putting one the first thing you saw.

"Where are you going?" Billy asked.

"To see what they want so they can go away." You said. "Then we can go back to where we were." Kissing his cheek then sprinting out your bedroom. You make your way down stairs to the front door.

"Seriously what is taking her is long?" The muffled voice of Steve Harrington can be heard. You open the door not only to be met with Steve and Robin; but also Max, Dustin, and Nancy. 'What the hell did you agree to last night?'

"Hey guys, whatcha doin here?" You nervously asked.

"You know why." Steve said, acting like you knew what was going on. "Now let us in." Before you could protest anymore everyone made their way into your home. Billy can hear everyone from your room. Everyone was talking all at once, you didn't know were one thing ended and were it began.

"Everyone shut up!" You yelled. "What is going on?"

“Munson is wanted.” Steve put blankly.

“Munson? Like Eddie Munson?” You questioned.

“Yep, that’s the one.” Steve stated again. Everyone took a brief minute to explain the whole situation to you. Chrissy’s death, the upside down, a wizard named Vecna, and how this possibly brings Max into the mix.

“So what did you need my help for?” You were still confused. What was the importance of being brought into this.

“Well you’re the reason Billy is alive maybe you can help.” Nancy reasoned. She had a point, you did save Billy. You were able to find a way to break through the mind flayer’s control. You guess they do have a reason to come for your help, you've been in this supernatural problem for long but these guys have been your friends for a longer time.

“Of course, I’ll help you guys.” You smiled. “You guys can come back tomorrow, I’m kinda preoccupied.”

Everyone was silent not knowing what to say next till. “Is that Billy’s shirt?” A confused Max asked.

“What?” You said, completely put back by what she said. You look down to, indeed, see that you did put on Billy’s shirt. 'shit'.

"Uh- N-no, it's not."

"Why did you stutter?" Max questioned.

"It just surprised me that's all." You replied, hoping that would stop her from asking any more questions.

"Any ways, we need to see all the files you stole from the lab about the upside down." Dustin cut in.

"I didn't steal those files Dustin." You said back to him.

"Ah yes because it's normal for someone to steal super secret science files from their dad's place of work. Don't worry I do the same." Steve sassed at me.

"You literally said last night on the phone you would let us do this." Robin rebutted.

"I did?" You said. Everyone shook their head in agreement. "Well my room is a mess, you won't find them."

"Oh please, you're like the cleanest person we know. What is there a sock on the floor you didn't pick up." Robin joked.

"We're going in your room." Steve sassed, He made his way up the stair to your room, everyone else following him along.

"Wait do not go up to my room!" You yelled, hopefully giving Billy enough time to hide. Which he was able to do, hiding in your closet. However he was not able to hide the discarded clothes on the floor from the night before. Everyone else quickly made it into your room. As you made it up there you quickly noticed no sign of Billy, which was a relief to you.

"Ah- let me get those files for you." You quickly made your way to were the files were held. Clearly stepping over the clothes that you choose to give no attention to.

"Why are there men's clothes on your floor?" Max asked.

"Um they're my cousin's." You frantically respond.

"Your cousin's?" Nancy asked peculiarly. You nodding in agreement to her words.

"Yep."

"You don't have cousin's." Nancy said.

"How do you know? You never asked." You rebutted back. "The files aren''t in the place I put them." You try to change the topic to something different.

"(Y/N) really, those are Billy's pants." Max said, pointing to the clothes on the floor.

"No they are not Max." You said, making your way to the closet door to look for the files. "I can assure you that those clothes aren't Billy's." Your statement was said. However you rip open the closet door. Only to be met with a butt naked Billy Hargrove. You both look at each other wide eyed. Everyone's eyes were wide, their jaws were on the floor, and they were all dumb founded. The fact the Billy was in your closet naked was the second to last thing they were expecting out of this day.

"Oh my fuck." You swore.

"Explain. right now." Steve said.

Which you did, after getting Billy his pants. You explained that you and Billy were dating from the start of summer back in 85. You both cared for each other a lot. How he asked you out. How you both wanted this relationship to be kept secret. Thinking your friends, on both sides, would not like your relationship. But you both love each other very much, and no one's opinions was going to change that.

"That's basically it." You finished.

"Aww, that's so sweet." Robin cooed.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Steve questioned.

"Um did you not just hear the whole story Harrington?" Billy retorted to him.

"Be nice." You sassed at him. "We wanted to tell we really did, especially after what happened at the Mall. But every time we would over think it." Billy wrapped his arm around your shoulder, kissing your temple. Everyone sat in silence from the words you had said.

"It's okay." Max reassured... "But why him."

"Max." Dustin grumbled out.

"It's an honest question." Max stated.

"She does have a point." Steve said. You just laughed at your friends. Happy that they didn't blow up on you like you thought they would.

"So what's this about Munson being wanted for murder?" Billy questioned.

"It's a long story." You sighed, kissing his cheek.

"Ew don't do that." Max complained. You laughed at Max, while Billy just grumbled at the red head.

"You guys change then we, can figure out how to help Eddie." Nancy stated. Everyone agreed leaving you and Billy to change. Until Robin came back into the room.

"Ha, quick question." She spouted. "So by any chance, were you guys- um- doing anything when I called?" The lesbian nervously asked. You and Billy just looked at each other.

"No, Robs we weren't." You smiled at her. Saving her from what would have been a life altering moment.

"Great. I don't believe. But I gonna go with it." She said before running out of the room. Now you and Billy are alone.

"Well that was fun, sweets." Billy smirked.

"It sure was." You smiled. "Well I guess the thrill is go now."

"Maybe, but at least I got you." Billy said. Bringing your lips to his sealing them in a kiss.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS!

I do not know if this is good or not. I was kinda making it up as I go. Feed back would be great.

[pinkcandyhearts04]

morning quickie | johnny cage x reader

johnny has an early morning meeting and you don't want him to leave yet

18+ ACCOUNT AND POST, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

im not 100% fan of no johnny whimpering but this is a quickie, he dont give a damn about NAYTHING

warnings: afab reader!, degradation if you squint, not men whimpering but a 3rd more desperate thing, porn without plot, do not read this if you actually want some story

"leaving already?" johnny glances over his shoulder at you, giving you one of his signature smiles. your arms wrap around his waist as you bury your face into his back, sighing softly as you feel the way his chest rises and falls with every breath he takes. "i have a meeting with my manager. he's already pissed of as it is." he chuckles softly, his hand finding one of yours and squeezing it gently. "he can wait a little longer, can't he?" johnny can't help but laugh a bit at that, taking your hand in his and pressing a kiss to it. "don't tempt me with a good time. but unless you want us to start taking public transportation, i should go and see what he wants." you pout a bit when johnny manages to leave your grasp, even still turning to press a kiss to your forehead. before he can pull too far away, you grab the collar of his shirt and kiss him with a passion that sends a chill down his spine.

he barely makes any attempt to pull away, a soft grunt leaving him before you break the kiss. a string of saliva connects the two of you, staring into each others eyes; you can see that all too familiar flame, a mischievous smile spreading on your lips. "fuck it. i can make this fast." you can only manage a quiet giggle when johnny kisses you, hard and wanting as he starts to tug off your shorts; he doesn't dare to take off his button down that's practically hanging off of you, a simple piece of fabric doing things to him. you don't make any attempt to stop him or even make him slow down, gasping when two of his fingers start to pump into you fast and without much warning. "fuck, so wet already..it's not even 10 o clock yet." he groans softly, letting your shaky hands start to undo the buckle of his belt. once he's sure you're ready, he wastes no time in flipping you onto your stomach pressing your face into the covers. his free hand holds your hips up as you squirm underneath him, trying to get some friction already.

"shh, let me do this, hot stuff. you wanted this so bad, you enjoy the ride." johnny snickers, collecting some of your wetness on his fingers to stroke over his cock. without a second to think, johnny pushes into you up to the hilt. the two of you moan in unison at the heat growing between you two, making you bury your face into the sheets as he rocks his hips into you with a rough pace from the get-go. soft gasps leave you every time he pushes back into you, your fingers gripping the sheets at the sound of his groans behind you. "fuck, baby, so fucking tight.." he grumbles, his hand holding your head down now trailing to your breasts. he gropes one of them roughly, making your back arch as you start to match his pace with your own hips. "goddamn, feels like you were fucking made for me.." with how erratic he starts to move, you can tell he's close. soft pants leave johnny as you look over your shoulder at him almost the same he had looked at you only moments ago, tears of pleasure welling in your eyes. "w-wanna..cum, wanna cum a-at the same time.." you whine out softly, your pleading voice only further cracking johnny's resolve.

johnny groans as his hand almost instantly moves to your clit, rubbing rough circles against it. that motion alone elicits a loud cry from you, turning to jelly in johnny's hands as the other hand not playing with your clit holds you up. "j-ohnny..." you whine, barely able to make out any words as you feel the coil in you start to unravel. "i k-know, dollface, i know, fuck.." johnny groans, finally letting loose as he presses his hips flush against yours. you let a long, desperate moan when you cum only seconds after johnny, feeling the way he seems to almost endlessly fill you up.

idk how to end this lol, johnny aftercare is not my strong suit although i know he would DEFINITELY BE GOOD AT IT

[donelywell]

how does your version of the Phantom Ruby work?

Oh buddy you're in for one hell of a ramble.

I don't care that this is stuff I wanted to reveal in my Forces retelling- I'm babbling about it neow! Besides, I have no idea when I'll be motivated enough to continue my actual canon adjacent au, SO WE CAN HAVE FUN WITH THIS!

Tw: blood

Okay, so the Phantom Ruby is an ancient artifact hidden in a pyramid in Regal Ruin Zone (Sonic R Stage because I really do hate it when zones are just a one and done thing, not overused like Green Hill Zone per say, but I want to actually explore the zones instead of just zooming by them for about 4 minutes total).

A legend says that if you sacrifice some of your blood to it, it will grant you the power to make your wishes a reality. Zero (I'm going with the headcanon that Infinites name used to be Zero) was a huge fan of this legend, he heard about it when he was doing some bounty hunts near the zone.

When you give the Phantom Ruby your blood, you and it are locked together until the blood supply is used up. Only the blood user can use the Phantom Ruby.

The Phantom Ruby is a sentient gemstone (haha, watch me make every single gemstone in Sonic sentient gods), but it lies dormant until someone feeds it blood. Because the Ruby doesn't want to go back to sleep for who knows how long, it starts whispering things into the users mind, feeding thoughts into their head to make them use the ruby more. To give it more blood, to be consumed by the lust for power.

The legend told of a god who was banished and imprisoned into the ruby. Centuries later a crow mobian found the ruby and brought it to their travel group an echidna, a leopard, a tortoise, and a scorpion. They were ambushed later that night and the crow bled onto the ruby in the battle. They realized it had the power to grant wishes, and the crow grew insane with it's power, becoming consumed by the ruby.

The other members of the group realized they need to stop the crow and cut its connection with the ruby, so they begged the gods to give them a way to save the crow. In turn, the gods gave each member a gemstone blessed by different gods a citrine, jade, amethyst, and an onyx. With the gemstones powers, they managed to save the crow from the ruby and lock it deep in a pyramid covered in complex traps and curses as to keep people away from the cursed Phantom Ruby.

Eventually, the group disbanded, with each of the members who helped save the crow carrying the gemstone they had with them as they all scattered to the different corners of the planet.

Ehem- now past this goes into the plot I have for Infinite in my Forces retelling, so you can skip this if you want.

Zero managed to get past all the traps in the pyramid and capture the Phantom Ruby for a bounty he accepted from a mysterious person who wouldn't reveal their identity. This however led to him getting the Phantom Ruby inserted into his chest and have it drive him insane with the whispers it constantly had speaking in his head. He snapped, going completely insane and mindlessly following the voice. He became Infinite, the vessel for the god of illusion.

The legend wasn't lying, as he continues to abuse it's power, the Phantom Ruby slowly started to consume him. Literally. The Phantom Ruby slowly turns his body into it as he uses the power. The process is accelerated when The Resistance begins to be able to push back after the 6 months, making him use his illusions more.

It's up to The Resistance to find the legend of the Phantom Ruby, get the citrine, jade, amethyst, and onyx (names still deciding on), and stop Infinite (and Eggman).

Thank you for letting me ramble about this! I tried to hold myself back a little bit at least from spoiling some of the plot I have for the retelling because I don't wanna ruin the story (if it ever gets made) by spoiling everything about the Phantom Ruby.

[silvershiningtarot]

💭♥️😘PAC 18+ What are their thoughts when they dream about you?

*Take what resonate and take a five second to breathe and don’t just look at the pretty pictures. Trust your intuition.Reblog and comment. ENJOY! 💋😊♥️*

Pile1:

• When they dream about you, the first thing that goes through their mind is that you have mother issues or you don’t get along with your mother like that. I heard them say “I wanna keep you safe.” They think that you could be the one for them, you might be their high vibe soulmate. You two are highly connected to each other. They think that you and them will have awesome chemistry together especially when they are dreaming about you. I heard that they’ve been dreaming about you, they’ll never wanna get out of their dream when they are dreaming about you. Haha 😂 They'll wanna marry you in their dream, So will you marry them? Getting on one knee just pops the question, they think that you are their wife or husband. You can be their mentor or they are your mentor when they are dreaming. Helping you with your issues with your mother for some of you. They think you are childlike, so kiddish you are, seeing themselves having so much fun with you. You probably are goofy, have a goofy personality, probably an extrovert. Probably loves to play video games or watch Disney movies and do the dance moves or sing along. Haha I can see them enjoying that with you. I heard them again “You bring out the kid in me.” They think that you are their beloved, their queen or king and their goddess or god. I can see them being your biggest fans. They want you to keep an open mind to them or they wanna keep an open mind about you. I heard that they’re searching for you in everybody else. You should let go of control, if you are a control freak then you should let go of control. Can’t control every situation or anything just flow. That’s what they think about you when they are dreaming, especially in dreams let the dreams unfold to you. I heard that they wanna come to you but some of y’all minds are too busy and you shoving them away, it’s not your fault because I understand some of us have busy life or stressed out 😰. I believe that your FS is sending you signs about these red flags 🚩 in your dreams and they wanna send them to you but I believe some of you is pushing them away. That’s why it’s saying let your friends, family or someone help you. I heard them say to you in their dreams “You are so guard, let me in let me in.” I think that some of you should listen to that song by Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball. In their mind they believe that you are the one for them, this could be the one for me. If you have supportive friends or family for some of you, let them help you. Most of you if you have supportive family or friends if it none then let the universe take control.

Channel Message: “Baby listen to me, I’ve admired you so much. It’s like I can’t explain how much I wanna tell you that I love you, when I dream about you it’s like my whole world exists again. It’s been foggy 😶‍🌫️ in my life it’s like can’t see shit until I saw you. I miss coming to your dreams. Do you miss me? I fucking do. I am coming towards you soon, I’ve been social media fronting maybe I am or kinda I’m sorry I’ve been going through a lot of bullshit left to right, I need see your face, you give those butterflies 🦋 in my stomach. You my heaven to my hell. I’m going through hell now, I’m frustrated, I'm sorry I wanna vent to you real quick. Whenever your ear ringing manifest me or manifest your Twin flame, Woah 🤯 I can’t believe that came out my mouth. Baby if you are my Twin Flame then manifest me come in believe baby! Believe. Think positive anyways. Our past life repeats over and over again. Ugh!! No!. Tie Me Up babe get that frustrated out of me, I want you to be my Shawty!! Please , Do you like it when I beg for you?🤤🤤 Mmm 😋 thinking of you being pregnant fucking turns me on hard. Sloppy Toppy on me 🤤 I wanna go deep in you hard you bring that fire 🔥 in me fucking you hard hard!. Rough sex you until you are out of breath, I want your nails on my back. Okay I’m sorry I can’t control myself when I talk about you … Mmm 😋 Juicy you are. We were Past Life Opps but I don’t give fuck if we were enemies before you ain’t my enemy anymore, so let me be your boyfriend, you got any sexy nicknames for me, cuz I got plenty in my mind if you wanna know. Here’s a song I wanna do with you.”

Pile2:

• The thoughts about you when they are dreaming of you. Is that you are their Romantic 💘 soulmate, you are their best friend, they trust you and they can tell you anything. You understand them and they understand you. It’s like you two get along in the dream with them. They think that you are an entertainer, probably some of you dances, do comedy or just a bomb ass performer. Again!! They think that you are their soul teacher, you can be their mentor for some of you or most of you they are your mentor. Spiritually growing with them. Haha 😂. They think that you’ll love having sex in the kitchen or maybe that’s your fantasy lol 😂. Or there’s fantasy’s to do with you. Your FS thinks that you are fear of being alone, probably scared of people leaving your side or I can heard them say “Don’t be afraid or scared I’m right here with you.” So I think that they think that you are fucking animated, you make them laugh in their dreams just way you explain things you just animated as hell. I’m also getting that they believe you are dramatic, but so what so am I. US DRAMATIC PEOPLE!!! Anyways they can sense that you’ve been trapped inside your own bubble too scared to get out of your comfort zone. Or some of you can be rock and rolls 🎸🎸🎸. Play it! Thoughts about you when they are dreaming about you is that, you should love yourself first before anyone else including them. Or when you start loving yourself more, it makes them romantically attractive to you more. I heard them saying “Fucking Stand Up for yourself, Embrace that sweet voice of yours.” So that’s exactly what they are telling you to do. They are attractive to you when they are dreaming about you, because in their eyes you are so beautiful. Also you are very playful, so goofy I swear when you are around them, you are animated as hell. Very soon clearly decide what you want beauties. Have faith and trust this is yours and that’s what I got from them, thinking that you have trust issues, you doubt a lot. Don’t feel like you deserve this and that’s exactly what their thoughts are. Pay attention to those red flags 🚩 surrounding you. Be cautious about what’s around you. Free Yourself whatever baggage’s you got holding you back.

Channeled Message: “The moment I saw you, you fucking blew me the hell away, it’s was like love at first sight. Soon your phone will be ringing, it’s me pick up!. Get away from it and get away from those bad people who hurt you or anything. I love working with you, it’s so much fun and I can’t wait to work with you again and collaborate with you again. That’s shit is fucking fun!. So when I dream about you it’s like a dream come true, I wake up with you in my mind and even daydream about living with me. I know it sound fucking crazy. Am I crazy? Can I be your little pet? I’ll do anything for you. We are already married spiritually, so we just have to make it 3D, so let's make our love fantasy come true babe. Let me make you smile, until you can’t smile no more until we go on with our next life together. I know it isn’t fair I’ve kept you waiting but isn’t fair to tell you to wait for me but can you wait for me, this is destiny and I wanna make love to you, I feel so romantic with you, babe you make me happy. Let me do that for you. You are a runner, I'm a chaser, I love a challenge. You are so hard to get and that turns me on even more and it scares me moving forward sometimes. I want your help please help me baby. I trust the shit out of you, plus I want you to come and play with me for a little while. Do me a favor please? Don’t forget me or don’t give up on me especially Us!! Can you promise me that, I don’t care if you fall in love with someone else as long as you promise you give us a real chance. 5D We are married no matter what. That ain’t going to change my feelings for you. I gotta song for you to listen. When I think about you or dream about you baby. Keep your head up sexy, I’m coming in your dreams soon pay attention to it.”

Pile 3:

•Their thoughts while they are dreaming about you, is crazy 😜. They sense that you can be a traveler or you love to travel a lot. Love to learn about the cultures, backgrounds of your ancestors and discovering truth about your heritage lines. I heard them saying “Love your knowledge.” So they’ll love that you are so smart even if you aren't book smart, you'll be educated enough to discover the truth of your heritage and your experiences. Anyways they know that you are their romantic 💘 soulmate, you’ll their best friends again they trust you with anything, even if they are dreaming about you they feel safe in that dream. They think that you are afraid of being alone, similar to pile 2. They think they have a soul contract with you, it’s been written between you and them and you're meant to break this curse by family, Friends, or just karmic people who you have karmic with. It’s destiny between you and them and that’s it fate. They are thinking that you should stay optimistic about your love life with them, because you need to release this ex of yours not just an ex but family, friends, or siblings or whatever the case may be needed to let them go. You deserve love, that's exactly what they are feeling… YOU DESERVE LOVE!! you deserve their love 💕. I heard them say, “Let me be yours,” let me be the love of your life.” They have romantic feelings for you, it’s real and it’s worth exploring with you. That’s exactly what they are feeling. It seems like your partner is very passionate about you and feels heavy when they are dreaming about you. For some of you I believe this is your soulmate. They think that you and them have good chemistry together. You two just match. Oh. Yeah for most of you I believe this is your twin flames 🔥 as well.

Channeled Message: “You’re perfect to me, the moment I saw you in my dreams I didn’t wanna come out. It’s like I wanna tell someone about you, but my friends make fun of me when I tell them about my dreams about you. They don’t think you are fucking real. Maybe they are right? Or am I just delusional, you are just in my head. I don’t know if I feel so damn stupid about this or I feel ducking alone, why can it be like the nightmare of Elm street just pulled you out of my dream. I’ve felt at home with you, your energy makes me feel safe. Do you feel the same? When I dream about you and I can hear your voice it feels like heaven to me, keep talking to me. Do you feel delusional about this? Or am I trippin. I’m just missing your sweet voice in my dreams. I know stupid of me to listen to my stupid Friends. I’ve been social media fronting. I know you’ve been thinking I am a fake but I ain’t. Your throne is waiting for you next to mine, What are you waiting for? Come on .. I want you to stay away from this bullshit don’t believe my friend's baby as long as you believe in us. I feel like you are my twin flame or is it you my soulmate, Man who gives a shit about the label I just know that I fuck with you. I’m feeling stuck right now can you please be patient with me I’m begging 🥺. I wanna lay in bed with you all day and just get lost into each other. I am flirting with you, Do you feel me touching you? I am feeling yours. I am on my way to you, I sense you close to me. I just wanna take care of you, let me ask you this babe. Do you want to be my girlfriend? I wanna be your boyfriend. Here’s a song I got for you to listen to.”

Comment & Reblog This Post….. Enjoy this beautiful pile did for you my lovely 🥰 and this is general reading take what resonates and what doesn’t!.

[accio-victuuri]

an analysis : Xiao Zhan + The Moon & Sixpence 🌖

as usual with xzs videos like the one just released, you can make an entire thesis into the possible meanings of every chapter and frame. add it’s relation to xz and if you’re a pro, go deep into the techniques they used in shooting and editing. this one tho is centered around the theme of “the moon and sixpence” which is a book xz recommended before. I saw a few articles linking this to the elements on the vlog and so i looked into it.

i have lightly talked about some elements from the vlog yesterday but focused more on the quotes that appeared and the music chosen.

it’s been years since he mentioned this book and he didn’t even say that it’s his all-time-favorite. for example, the van gogh elements, we expect that already to be a recurring theme. as well as the moon, but this one has another connection to it. i am honestly curious where his headspace is at, and why, in this specific point in time he felt so close to the message of that book or some parts of it.

let me start with a synopsis and the book is available on googlebooks if you wanna try it out like i did. 🔖

with the plot alone, you can get a sense of why he would like it. at the time he read it, he was not yet the superstar xiao zhan that we know now. and this is why i guess he related to it more now. especially the sacrifices he has to make for the path he has chosen. this was evident in his GQ cover story interview where he compares himself to his other friends and how they have normal lives. the books is written in the first person POV of narrator who is looking into the stockbroker turned artist Charles Strickland. you get to see the thoughts of the narrator and how he views the main character of his story. the way i see it, the narrator is “Xiao Zhan the person” and how he sees “Xiao Zhan the public personality”. this concept of two sides to him was opened up in his esquire cover story and i can’t help but think it relates to this story.

i will be heavily quoting passages from the book that attracted me and i personally thought relates to xz. this is my personal interpretation only.

The greatness of Charles Strickland was authentic. It may be that you do not like his art, but at all events you can hardly refuse it the tribute of your interest. He disturbs and arrests.

the story starts of with this line and well isn’t this one way to describe xiao zhan? he has always been described as authentic and the “real deal” as far as idols and actors go. not many people are expected to like him or be part of his fan club and chase him — however, one thing is clear: he disturbs and arrests. his popularity is something that is unheard of and many artist and companies try to replicate. he is a disturbance to the norm in c-ent and why he is a constant target. it’s his biggest asset and liability. something like MFW and stepping out of his home is also expected to attract all kinds of attention. He is aware of that.

“His faults are accepted as the necessary complement to his merits. It is still possible to discuss his place in art, and the adulation of his admirers is perhaps no less capricious than the disparagement of his detractors; but one thing can never be doubtful, and that is that he had genius. To my mind the most interesting thing in art is the personality of the artist; and if that is singular, I am willing to excuse a thousand faults.”

this is in the POV of the narrator, describing the artist he is writing a book about, Charles Strickland. the message of this quote is similar to the one i mentioned above. xz is not perfect and people, specifically his fans should accept that. it’s what makes him more real. through his wins and losses, he is still xiao zhan.

“It is a salutary discipline to consider the vast number of books that are written, the fair hopes with which their authors see them published, and the fate which awaits them. What chance is there that any book will make its way among that multitude? And the successful books are but the successes of a season. Heaven knows what pains the author has been at, what bitter experiences he has endured and what heartache suffered, to give some chance reader a few hours’ relaxation or to while away the tedium of a journey. And if I may judge from the reviews, many of these books are well and carefully written; much thought has gone to their composition; to some even has been given the anxious labour of a lifetime. The moral I draw is that the writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in release from the burden of his thoughts; and, indifferent to aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.”

this next passage makes me think of the projects he has done and what it must feel like for him. there are a lot of dramas/movies that come out every year and what we repeatedly hear from xz is that he only wishes to bring good works. something people will enjoy and appreciate— never mind the popularity that comes with it. he just finished filming a big project LOCH which i can only imagine is so stressful to him. and now is working on another historical drama.

he is someone who immerses himself in the character and once it’s done, it must be a huge weight off his shoulder. like what is said — seek reward in the pleasure of work and in release from the burden of his thoughts.

“Then, what in God’s name have you left her for?’

‘I want to paint.’

I looked at him for quite a long time. I did not understand. I thought he was mad. It must be remembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. I forgot everything but my own amazement.

‘But you’re forty.’

‘That’s what made me think it was high time to begin.’

i think this one is pretty self explanatory, how he started in the entertainment circle a little bit later in his life. compared to his peers. but the answer was simple to him as it was with Strickland, in his case, “i want to sing.”

‘I tell you I’ve got to paint. I can’t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn’t matter how he swims, well or badly: he’s got to get out or else he’ll drown.”

this message seems similar to the one quoted on the vlog about about the rivers and small streams. in this one, it emphasizes how one should not be afraid to take the small step of “swimming badly” in hopes that someday they will wade the waters more efficiently.

“But here was a man who sincerely did not mind what people thought of him, and so convention had no hold on him; he was like a wrestler whose body is oiled; you could not get a grip on him”

If there was something in this book the describes XZ so perfectly — it is this one. I think he is not devoid of over thinking about what people say or being a people pleaser. but in recent times, i am seeing a change in him and how he is more calm. a freedom in the way he speaks, the truths he is no longer holding back. he is not afraid to be different anymore.

which led to that GUCCI outfit. LOL! 🤣🤣🤣

‘Look here, if everyone acted like you, the world couldn’t go on.’

‘That’s a damned silly thing to say. Everyone doesn’t want to act like me. The great majority are perfectly content to do the ordinary thing.”

so true. a great majority wouldn’t and couldn’t do what he does. just looking at the chapters in the vlog, from going to a distant place and dealing with the MGW chaos. after that, being only afforded a small time to decompress and sit. to enjoy the sunset. that’s what his life is.

“I don’t pretend to be a great painter’, he said. ‘I’m not a Michael Angelo, no, but I have something. I sell. I bring romance into the homes of all sorts of people. Do you know, they buy my pictures not only in Holland, but in Norway and Sweden and Denmark? It’s mostly merchants who buy them, and rich tradesmen. You can’t imagine what the winters are like in those countries, so long and dark and cold. They like to think that Italy is like my pictures. That’s what they expect. That’s what I expected Italy to be before I came here.”

i would guess this is how he sees his work. he never claimed to be the best, you can see that with how he always mentions wanting to be better. he wants to give the people a positive view of life. which i can clearly see from the vlogs even, makes you wanna go where he visited.

“A man’s work reveals him. In social intercourse he gives you the surface that he wishes the world to accept, and you can only gain a true knowledge of him by inferences from little actions, of which he is unconscious, and from fleeting expressions, which cross his face unknown to him. Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.”

another one that i think describes xz. his little actions that we see reveal his true self —- the gentle, funny and dorky xiao zhan which is a contrast to the character he sometimes has to portray. it’s when we talk about his duality, the way he was posing and “game face on” for GUCCI but when he did the interview you can see the dorky xiao zhan 😂

there are times that xiao zhan merges some of the qualities of his celebrity side and i think it’s perfectly person. it is a huge part of his life, and the way i see it, his experiences only make him a better person.

“I have an idea that some men are born out of their due place. Accident has cast them amid certain surroundings, but they have always a nostalgia for a home they know not. They are strangers in their birthplace, and the leafy lanes they have known from childhood or the populous streets in which they have played, remain but a place of passage.

They may spend their whole lives aliens among their kindred and remain aloof among the only scenes they have ever known.

Perhaps it is this sense of strangeness that sends men far and wide in the search for something permanent, to which they may attach themselves. Perhaps some deep-rooted atavism urges the wanderer back to lands which his ancestors left in the dim beginnings of history.

Sometimes a man hits upon a place to which he mysteriously feels that he belongs.

Here is the home he sought, and he will settle amid scenes that he has never seen before, among men he has never known, as though they were familiar to him from his birth.

Here at last he finds rest.”

read that again. it’s a lovely way to put into words what i imagine is something that not only xz goes through. we know what kind of environment and country he lives in, i’m not trying to get political but you get the point. being a celebrity or public personality like him is vastly different from how it is with the rest of the world. i have always admired how he handles it all with grace, how he he willingly accepts the responsibility and burden of being who he is. and that’s why i was also surprised by his answer when asked about a parallel world and he answers about a superpower where he can make it possible to have no disputes in the world. being in that place, with lots of people around, from different parts of the world probably made him think more about this topic. aside from eating pizza and being his usual beautiful self, he was thinking about some serious issues too.

chapter 1 was about going to a distant place but not really, there was something in that place and experience that feels like a home he longs for.

alternate explanation, this can also mean him living his life as a graphic designer, and then spreading his wings into a different industry — being the place he has sought. but considering the time this was released and where he is now at life, i’m thinking it’s more of the former.

so busy yearning for the moon that he never saw the sixpence at his feet. 🪙

this imagery at the end of the vlog + the coin he holds + the quote fits so well together. the way i see it, XZ is doing both. he appreciates the moon, he looks up to it but he doesn’t miss to see and hold the sixpence. it’s why he is holding on to it, in some, it was even rolling on it’s own towards him. and it’s not just the proverbial sixpence. he is seeing and appreciating his surroundings —- the egg he ate, laundry, bike etc.

as a fan, this is actually comforting to me. the book itself is not the happiest, which makes sense cause xz prefers melodramatic to downright tragic stories. but it shows a realistic view of what some goes through to pursue their dreams. it’s not as glamorous as what we see on tv or the internet. but the end of the vlog, shows that xz is keeping a balance. he is not just busy looking up at the moon— he is also living his life.

-END.

I first knew about the connection of the vlog to the book via 辉夜姬不叽 and i got hooked into writing something about it and reading the source material. i also liked @resonancewitness interpretation of the vlog, particularly the lines in starry starry night.