#i wanna delete that from my notes
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thinking about my exit interview that was super informal but at one point i was like okay i will say something positive about the team and my ex manager was like okay
and then we both sat there in silence for a solid minute
#me:…theyre nice people!#my ex manager with suspicious eyes:#delete later#i wanted to try out my buildings laundry machines today#bc i was tired of using the portable one in my apartment#its big and clunky and breaks my tap everytime i do laundry#and i dont have a dryer so massive pain#but it cost me $5.5 and so i will continue doing it in my apartment ❤️#tbf it wasnt even really an interview i just had to return my shit and was like hey do u wanna hear the tea and gossip#and he was like pulling out a notebook like yea#and then i went off for an hour#hes not a retaliatory dude so it was fine if anything im sure he just took the notes and then went off to figure out solutions or whatever#now i feel like i snitched#i didnt say names but he just kept figuring it out#i was like ppl dont like how ppl drop documentation in code reviews#and he was like is this about gordon and his use effect document#and i was like……………..*speechless*#and then i was like some ppl thing the environment has gotten a tad competitive#and he was like is that from henry#*SPEECHLESS*
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AAA I'm back (temporarily HHH) to tell you guys I'm waiting to get a new computer cause mine is too old to support my drawing programs anymore xd
This is why I haven't been drawing/answering asks (along with multiple other reasons such as lessons and work SOB) so please be patient with me until I save up enough to buy myself a new laptop so I can post art like usual >:'D
#rambling#delete later?#Just came back from school aughgh my BACKKK I feel like a granny xd#the animation i posted today was planned in advance btw but i can't doodle anything to answer asks anymore WAA#:'(( unless you wanna see some rushed tablet doodles as answers but spoiler alert they will look fugly 😔</3#I'm honestly so happy to see you guys in my inbox and notes omgg i missed you beans MUAH MUAH :'D <333#sorry about the inactivity guyyys dwcember and jan are always filled to the brim with finals xd#im answering the asks that dont need drawings with memes now mwehehee >;)c#thank you all for your patience<333
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Its so funny thinking about the different things people know me as in the yokai watch fandom. That one person who loves Babblong. The Roughraff guy. The one who drew way too much Casanuva at one point. The one with the goofy aus. One of the three (3) McKraken fans. Or when I used to be a Zote Hollow Knight/Captain Charlie Pikmin account (if you know me from those days DAMN)
#I have a new favorite guy of the week every week but ykyk#Being a tad hyperbolous there usually it's about two or three weeks but a few characters are certainly more prevelant!!#Drew R4wry a lot at some point aswell but that mightve js been on clockapp#Looking all the way back on this account won't get you the non yokai stuff bc that. Account was deleted for Reasons#On another note I'm so glad the yokai fandom is growing :) seeing people return to the thing that I've been obsessed with for over 8 years#Is fun sauce!!#Anyways. I'm rambling. Why did I make this post you may ask?#Bc I wanna. Aka I like yapping and just felt like it >u> it's too bad this place ain't like spacehey where there is a separate blog tab on#Someone's profile so i could filter this out#I do have a tag for that! Oh yeah; before I forget—#�� yolo watch 2!#●posts from yomakai#♤ resident rambles#<<<aforementioned tag btw#My current GOTW (gen neutral) is Rongo Swirll bc he's so awesome#Omg PLEASE tell me if you have hcs for him or any of his friends/family#Well found family OR!!! WAIT!!!#IF YOU WANNA EXCHANGE BACKSTORY HCS THATS NEAT TOO....#AGGHH ANYWAYS....I said I was gonna be done like 12 tags ago does godlike
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"do you want revenge?"
"...i'm undecided"
can you believe they kissed after that
#in front of everyone#constantly missing thorbruce#CONSTANTLY#holy shit my t4t neuro divergent husbands#smashing their faces together like barbie's#i just love them so much#and i cant believe this is the ship i've chosen to go down with#they are so cute but almost no one puts out any content anymore#literally send me like ONE (1) ask and i will spill all my head cannons on you#i just don't think anybody cares anymore#cuase my thorbruce post only get like 8 likes these days#and it's hurting me#cause it's not about the likes i just don't wanna talk to y'all about something i love and no one else here does cuase then it's the same as#me just rambling in my notes app#and i already do that i just delete it after#so anyway i love them and i miss you thorbruce community#come baaaaaaack#thor#bruce banner#thorbruce#thor odinson#goodnight thorbruce nation im kissing you all on the four head#thor ragnarok#that's what the quotes from#anyway goodnight
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Safety tools for games are very well and good and if you and your group need them you should absolutely use them, but sometimes the way people talk about them feels like they are using those tools as a straight-up substitute for, like, working to develop interpersonal skills and the capacity for talking openly with friends.
#that post about 'you call yourself a community organizer but you haven't talked to your roommates in three months'#except it's about ttrpgs#like this is from a person with ADHD who did (and still sometimes do) have pretty severe RSD#and whose sister used to accuse people of cheating and/or straight up flip boards any time she wasn't winning a game#like especially if you find yourself needing to USE the safety tools often...#it might just be a point at which you have to say 'this is not the game environment for me'#and that does NOT need to reflect morally on you or those friends. some people's game styles just are not compatible.#not rebloggable cuz i know people are going to severely misinterpret me particularly if you're removing the context of#'i am also neurodivergent bro.'#not to say that I can comprehend every possible neurodivergent experience#but if anyone comes on here like 'you're only saying that cuz you're neurotypical' i will start biting.#also remembered that quote is from a chris fleming video so late and didn't wanna delete all of my tags to edit and then forgot to note it#but now i have. anyway. unimportant.
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
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pov: you're Abram when he's about to start writing something
#if no one else got me i know the stupid little note at the top of my draft got me#there are many that I've written that are missingfrom this bc i know for sure i wrote one for every chapter of (wit)jitp#but i write each chapter in the same doc and then move and delete them as i work on the next chapter#so at least 10 me have been lost to time :(#also in case this wasn't clear yes i do genuinely do this most of the time when i start writing the actual stories#usually it's if I've been writing notes especially and want to move on the the story instead#but sometimes I'll just open with it lmao#anyone wanna guess at what stories these are all from? fjjsjxjzj#I've posted about several of them... lemme see...#(wit)jitp#wip: laurent stabs damen#wip: i see you you see me#wip: good omens fic#wip: moon fic#that should be all of them#not in order#shh ac#wip: Amaranthus caudatus
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im beginning to think that i am mentally ill and the internet makes my mental illness Worse
#i dont often get personal on this blog but im going to be so honest idc anymore. no one has 2 read this if they dont wanna i promise#but anyway. if *ACCIDENTALLY* rbing a Bad post and deleting it within ~5 seconds of it happening AND blocking the op#is enough to send me into one of my downward spirals of NEEDING to check my notes and inbox#and opening and closing my blog to make sure its Actually deleted and im not just Imagining its deleted#in order to feel even slightly okay#only to immediately remember/realize that blog notifications on mobile not only send INSTANTLY upon a rb happening#but show every detail of the post and dont stack either#therefor sending me even FURTHER into my checking and sending me into a panic#because this means people possibly Wont Know It Was A Mistake and instead might think its a genuine opinion of mine#therefor making me panic MORE#if ALL OF THAT is just because this fucking website cant impliment a proper quick-rb button for desktop#and a mistake happened#then i dont think the internet is good for me at this point and i think i need to smash all of my devices#i already get a lot of those like... needing to do Something to make sure nothing bad happened/happens#like i get that a lot already from my irl life i do NOT need it to happen online too.#because like.. i dont know WHO saw that. so am i making a huge fuss out of nothing/a mistake everyone could have made?#yes! probably! but i cant really stop myself now that ive started so this is going to Legit Haunt Me which is Not Normal!#whatever mannnnn#got so upset over this i cried and then circled back around to just Mildly stressed to apathetic entirely within the span of 4 minutes#still checking my notifs/inbox every two seconds but at this point ive accepted Someones probably gotten a notif and well. nothing i can do#kitkat chitchat
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#not to still be emotional about p3 but my god this game really consumed my life in hs#it was literally all I could think or talk about#I carried the art book that came with my copy of fes with me to school every single day#I had multiple rps on Gaia 😭😭😭😭#my fucking deviantart url was based on it lmao#also I found an old note document of my fave quotes section from fb when I deleted them#and it was all jokes about it I had with friends#I just love it so much and I’m about to cry thinking about it AGAIN lmfao#personal#I still wanna cosplay Elizabeth someday…….#the only game that has ever come close to dethroning it as fave game ever is totk and that’s tied#I still haven’t played p4 or p5 (besides starting them briefly) because everytime I go to#I wanna replay p3 instead#but now I’ve finally played it enough times that I’m ready to continue the series LMAO#I never actually beat the answer so I think I’m gonna attempt that again soon#too impatient for the rumored dlc so I gotta plug my ps2 back in
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So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing
#rat rambles#oni posting#for now I must sleep but hopefully tomorrow Ill figure out how to decompile files#the real question is going to be if Ill be able to do this on my shitty ass laptop or if Ill need to figure smth else out#I just want to be able to view stuff so ideally it won't make my laptop chug too bad but rly Im more worried abt space#I might have to try to do some cleanup and delete some shit maybe Ill go scan through the shit that came pre installed#and hey maybe if I can get this to work I can go mega hacker mode and tweak some stuff for funsies#probably wont since I don't wanna break my game and I dont trust myself but yknow#itd probably help if I actually retained any information from the Two programing classes I took when I was younger but alas#one of them was even specifically a video game programming class and lemme tell you I remember absolutely nothing#also from what little I was able to view without fancy applications I have no new info but I can finally fully put jean in the we 100% know#their last name zone cause while we definitely already 100% did Technically we only got jea- for first name confirmation#but theyre referred to as jean in a note in a bio bot story traits file ty whoever added the notes there#god I hope theres other notes in the files I want to read those so bad#btw this was all spurred by that one nails log that disappeared cause I have found a file that looks like it but I cant fully view it#and I desperately need to view it I need to view it#also if I can look in the code then in theory itll make copying down all the lore logs easier#also the datamining thread of the forums hasnt been particularly active so who knows maybe I can become a proper dataminer#(<- will not do that probably unless it turns out to be easier than I thought)#but admittedly I am interested in hunting for potential future update content even if I probably won't hunt too hard for it#again Im mostly just hunting for lore#hey maybe if Im lucky Ill find some genuinely new and usable information in that department#maybe the secrets of b363 and dr. holland lie in the files ooooo (they probably dont)#man it'd be nice if I had a proper pc itd make my life so much easier and my desk feel less enpty lol#in a world where I get to play videogames at a higher framerate than 10fps#I mean we do have some older computers laying around the house although theyre probably also crusty pieces of shit#idk maybe I can see if I can salvage one itd be nice to have a proper computer to fuck about with#Im sure my mom wouldn't mind as long as its one that hasnt been touched in years#which tbf I dont know how many options thatd leave me but we at least have one computer that could theoretically be usable#albiet its definitely packed with viruses from me and my siblings being dumb kids
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man. the notes on that post where i was a hater for 2 seconds really do serve to remind me why i strive to be a lover the rest of the time!!
#like MAN i fully understand where the bitterness comes from but i am personally so glad i can just step back#and not let people being fucking stupid on the internet ruin my fun so wholly#this is not to say that i never get annoyed by people being stupid on the internet bc god knows i do#but ive rly been trying to just step away from it all more in the past year-ish and its been soooo nice#i am simply here for a good time and everyone being a goddamn idiot does not exist to me. cant ruin shit for me if ur in the void huh!!#im a little tempted to delete that post bc i did not expect it to get notes beyond my immediate followers#and like i totally get where ppl salty abt how fandom treats kon are coming from#but also i kinda dont wanna see the negativity in my notifications im just here for a good time
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getting struck with the i love my mutuals hammer very hard rn
#nightmare.personal#i am going to hold all of your hands / hold you in my arms#and we r going to go somewhere quiet and safe and warm#and we are going to be happy and stimmy and okay#and we r going to take a nap in the sunlight and in the grass#ily ily ily#i dont know how to turn rbs off from computer but maybe dont rb this#bc i dont wanna deal w a lot of notes then have to delete the post bc i like this post :( <3
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I'M GETTING MY APPOINTMENTS
#/pos#doctor agreed that the clinic appointment being in july was bs late and we couldn't wait#so she's trying to get me an extra appointment somewhere else sooner#+ she listened to my thoughts about pots and is trying to get me an urgent appointment with a cardiologue#now if only we didn't keep getting roadblocks...#the clinic said that i had to ask my doc to do 100% santé to get reimbursed. and the doc was confused because she literally can't do that#until we have the diagnosis. diagnosis which is exactly what we're trying to get reimbursed#also apparently her note on the paper that the cardiologist is urgent isn't enough. and she needs to call the center for us so i can get it#before march. so now we're waiting for her to get the time to call them. so they can call us. so we can come back with the paper to finally#get the appointment#uuuuuUUGHHHHH#so tired#plus the pots help center I'm gonna visit this week. plus the pots specialist appointment in February. plus i can't even remember and keep#up with anymore. plus the fact that my mother is even thinking of dropping school and getting interned in a hospital for the year to rest#and heal because of how much i can't keep up with taking care of myself anymore. and manage to attend a few hours of class once every three#weeks. + all my work from this year and last year getting deleted from their pcs malfunctioning. meaning that i need to redo everything i#crawled through and manage to do since the beginning of the year. and all my examples from last year being gone for my portfolio#yeah i don't think i can keep up until the end. AND manage to pass this year...#vent#HB rambles#fought against the nurse again during the blood test. and now my arms and back hurts even more#aaaaaaAAAAAA I'M TIRED#wanna finally play mario galaxy again after a whole year of trying and failing to#but it's definitely gonna be another fail today because I'm going back to bed#too exhausted#manage to eat three boiled eggs and a bunch of grapes tho! and drank water! woooo!!
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#I’m either going to rip all my skin off or have a big breakdown#also#why with anxiety and shit does my skin become so itchy#like I’ve given my second also like carpet burns all across my body from scratching#why does this happen#and because I’m so anxious I don’t realise u til I’m like awh shit I’ve itched all my skin off#is this normal ??? I feel like the answer is no#I’m not doing well#but greatful that it is hard to obtain a gun in the uk#because man I would be a risk to myself#every other way so much effort#also failed most many times#but thank you uk for having safety in one way I guess#anyways this is my late night ramble#because I have no else to talk and I don’t wanna talk#but I need my thought to be put out in the world#I dunno if that makes sense#like my notes app would do the same job#but any time I try and make like a small shopping list I’m hit with 20+ ending life notes#and like that just ruins shopping time#so why not use my tumblr and then just delete it when I wake up#anyways I also have really bad wisdom teeth pain#meaning lots of pain meds what probably what started the anxiety spiral#but fuck why do we have wisdom teeth man#like mine are growing fine to my knowledge#but fuck to the people who grown wonky that must not be fun
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#there's been an old set of mine coming up in my notes recently#and it's really bad#and I wanna cry a little bit#oh how I wish we could delete a post entirely from this website 😭😭😭
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wrote another note as civilly as i fucking could despite still being triggered, honestly. if this one doesn't result in us actually make up i fucking give up bruh i cant keep doing this w her
#mine#i tried in the og letter to be like i rly wish u'd just understand my journey w dealing w my trauma wrt my abuser#is the same journey that ur going on w my dad & im not ready for that journey yet.#like dawg. i literally watched my daughter fucking die this year then got betrayed by my roommate & damned back to where it happened#sorry not sorry coddling my 30 y/o abuser who still throws tantrums is not on my priority list of processing & healing ??????#she literally has held this shit over my head my entire life#she believes my abuser at her word automatically & she always has#but my word is always called into question. like... god it's so fucking exhausting.#even when i was a kid if we woke her up from fighting my abuser always told her side of the story before me#& it was believed even if i was sobbing my eyes out from being traumatized.#she literally said in her note that i need to explain stuff that happened to her if it rly did happen & it's just.#I DID!!! I DID /WHEN/ IT HAPPENED!!! & GUESS WHAT?! YOU BELIEVED MY ABUSER OVER ME!!#WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD RELIVING MY TRAUMA MAKE NOW??? NONE!! ALL IT WOULD DO IS TRIGGER ME FOR NOTHING!!!#im so fucking tired bruh i literally am at my wit's fucking end#i am trying so damn hard to stay afloat but i wanna scream & break shit#bc it's so fucking infuriating to have made sm progress just to get reset like this. & to an even worser degree UUUUGGGHH#i hate being a person so much#vent//#delete later//#abuse mention//
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