#i wanna branch out to other characters but my krs fixation is too strong

[noxiousgrace]

In my mind i keep assuming krs spent his entire life alone and surviving on his own

But that isn't the case, there's clearly proof that he was at some level helped by other people

He mentions it often

He was saved by social workers from his uncle when he was a kid

LSH saved his life

Grandma kim always looked after him like her own son while LSH was gone

CJS and LSH died for him

And so many other incidents

But why does it feel like he's still all alone?

I think his tendency to self isolate is why i keep assuming he survived on his own, when he very much didn't.

Everyone fails him or leaves him eventually, he ends up all alone so often that it's hard for me to think about krs as someone who's had support.

He's had the rug pulled out from underneath him so many times, that it no longer shocks him anymore (take chapter 1-3 for example, he was so chill about waking up in another world and stated he didn't have anyone who he'd miss

But that isn't true either, krs spent 10-ish years of his life as team leader and protected his coworkers time and time again, of course people would miss him. In elisehns illusion, Kim Min Ah and Bae Puh Rum came to check up on krs who hadn't returned to work.

While he mentions the physical support and companionship he's received from other people, his mental wounds run too deep.

He keeps a very clinical count of who he owes and who owes him in return, support is not a familial thing to him, it's transactional

The biggest reason grandma Kims death affected him so much was that he owed her A LOT, she was always quick to have his back and support him, Willing to treat his bruises over and over again despite her ability being limited.

Same with CJS and LSH, they supported him more than his own family ever did (parents dead and an abusive uncle), he was devastated that he couldn't spend the rest of his life with them in order to "pay back" all of their kindness so far.

He doesn't feel responsible for their deaths, but he feels responsible for every opportunity he lost to care about them in return. He mourns the future he could've had with them and the happiness krs could've brought to CJS and LSH.

"you can't smooth things over with the dead" is something he said in the novel, around the time choi han figures out who he is and krs is ready for CH to be extremely upset with him.

Krs!Cale feels responsible for everyone who shows kindness to him, a part of it is because whenever someone has cared about him, his heart always cared about them in return. And krs caring about people caused them to get hurt, that's why he feels the need to protect them so that they don't fall victim to krs' affection, and he actually has enough time with them for their "kindness" to be evened out.

This is why he's annoyed when his group grows larger and larger because of his subconscious altruism, there's so many opportunities for all of them to get hurt before he's done caring about them to the amount he thinks is acceptable, it worries his emotionally stunted heart.

Anywho, i think he feels alone to me because of how little he opens up to other people. He is a self isolating king and manages to be the most famous man ever.

I want him to open up that scarred heart of his and finally allow himself to be loved beyond transactions.