#i wanna be 16 and wondering what i will magically become once im a Real Person

[willowfey]

i wrote so many tags on that last post tumblr cut me off sarcastically. rude.

[oh-no-whoopsie]

reasons I love kip!! (aka @ghostsingold) 

(making this post bc they deserve all the love and my meds have kicked in so im able to be productive today. thanks long-acting adderall!!) 

kip I love you for so many reasons and as I fill out college applications im gonna list them out <3 no special occasion its just! you make me happy and I wanted to share that with you and since I have a teeny blog no one will see this but you <3 

1.) this response to a post I made on my old blog. it was one of my first positive interactions on Tumblr and this tiny piece of writing made that entire week easier. it was a tiny start to a friendship and it was also a stranger caring for me, which at that time I didn’t think was possible. 

2.) every single time that they have been a part of the Brown Eye Stan Club and hyped up brown eyes,,,,dude I can’t you’ve been such a big part of the journey to accept my brown eyes. it means so much to me that you just? say it!! you’re proud of the fact you love brown eyes! hell yeah dude! thank you!

3a.) for sending me songs that remind you of me??? to have someone think of me?? MY HEART?? I- I can’t express how much it means to me I just,, hnnhhh you even made me a fucking playlist (which I listen to CONSTANTLY) (here is the playlist ) just. dude. I love you 

4.) one of those songs is Glitter & Gloss by Skott and 

          a) this song makes me feel like a fucking badass 

          b) made me feel so appreciated and loved because it was the first time someone had said “this song reminds me of you!” 

          c). when I was stalking your blog trying to find my old posts I found this post about that song and?? sunbeams through Spanish moss? trees? pretty?? is this how you see me?? im in love????? also this ask I sent you where you describe your love for the sun <3 the implication that I am even a little bit like the sun to you makes me wanna cry happiness 

5.) Your taste in music is SUPERB. IMPECCABLE. A DELIGHT. 

6.) Someday I will have the strength to do naniwrimo with you and that will be a glorious month (and next September we should be able to be writing buddies!!!!! because now I have meds for attention span so I can write again >:) ) 

7.) A long time ago (old blog) I asked for people to give me nicknames because I never got cute nicknames and because I could only ever insult myself. for the longest time I forgot what you said but I remembered!!!! it was birdie!!

          a). even though now most people call me doe cuz of bumblebee, you were the first person to reply to that post and just because milk suggested fawn/doe and it stuck doesn’t mean I love birdie any less 

          b.) it means a lot that you suggested it in the first place and while I was finding links for this post I came across this ask where you call me birdie :> p.s. you still mean a lot to me and I hope you’re okay <3 

8.) every single time you sent me a picture of a frog :),, also that one post about taking fake shots of water still sends me but I can’t find it to link it,, and also everything you listed on this post including the fact that it is inspired by my post

9.) when you agreed to talk to people for me when I was panicking thinking they were going to die but had to go to sleep. that means so much that you would take that role on and dude I am so so sorry I ever asked that of you. 

10). you made me find magic in the sunlight and not just the moonlight, you helped me find that balance and accept that piece of me and it sounds stupid but its really important ok also im just gonna say it: your voice is perfection it is comfort it is warm and all things good in this world. ive only heard you speak like twice but I could listen to you for the rest of my life

11.) sometimes you send me posts that r like “thinking of you!!” and THEY MAKE MY DAY omfg 

12.) when you drew me!!! 

          a.) bc holy shit you are an amazing artist if you let me I want to post that drawing of me on my blog

          b.) I was supposed to draw you in return I am sorry I did not,, I still plan on doing it tho 

          c.) we drew ourselves as fairies and that was pretty fun 

          d.) you made me see beauty in myself I- 

13.) for never once encouraging my ed or bad habits. you were ready to call me tf out and I appreciate that so much dude? you were never subtley pro you also seem ready to stab anyone who opposes you. hell you post callouts against pr0-ana shit and m**nspo and f*tspo and photoshop and all of it. I admire you so much 

14.) for letting me ramble on about hermes and offerings and spirituality! 

15.) for lighting a candle for Catherine and talking with me that night

(I have the entire conversation copied into a google doc on my phone because it needed to be saved. the things you said are beautiful. it is so touching and breathtaking and if I could hug you I would and  I promise not to forget if you won’t forget. )

16.) holy shit dude P O E T R Y, both for being so good at it and for reading mine. 

17.) helping validate my arospec questioning and enby questioning,,, it was actually through your blog that I realized oh shit! I might be aro!! and having someone to talk about gender issues and arospec stuff is SO AMAZING and I love you <3 and thank you for talking with me and for helping me and for validating me 

18) validating my anger!! or at least helping to do so! you point out when things are unfair! you genuinely want my life to improve! you helped me realize some of my friends are shitty! you helped me accept things! 

19.) I love your vibes. I can’t say this enough but somehow you are just so wonderful to me,,, you are amazing I can’t describe it. you are ethereal and terrific and your features could be anywhere from beautiful to cryptic to solid to handsome but I promise you that there is something unique about you. a bit of mystery and magic left over from the days when fairytales were real. you have all the power of the sun and light and fire in both the life giving and the destructive aspects. you are so perfect and wonderful thank you 

20.) because you told me “you do not deserve to be traumatized” and in all honesty that slapped me into reality. if i still had my old Tumblr I probably would’ve screenshotted it so I could get the exact quote but I do not know how to make you understand How Much That Helped me 

all in all,,,, I must end the list here because I need to go be productive. alas.there is more I didn’t even BEGIN to mention,,, but kip, you are my rae of sunshine. someday we are going to go be cryptic authors in Scotland who disappear into the woods, perhaps to hunt with the faeries, perhaps no, who knows. we will become part of the local lore,, independent and happy and spooky. 

I love you so much!  also sorry I went through your archive to find all this,,,, to be fair I already did it once to find my posts <3 

I would never say that just one person “saved me”. thats too big of a responsibility to share. but kip, you helped save me, in ways I can’t explain, from myself and from death and from an abyss of numbness. you saved me from a thousand tiny deaths and gave me a thousand new pieces of life and I would not be the person I am today without you. I love and appreciate you so much and you bring me sunlight and joy and peace and connection. you are a true friend to me. thank you for being here. you deserve the world and so much more. 

[axou-den-mporw]

get to know me tag

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88 QUESTIONS AND TAG 20 PEOPLE (mini rant: why do these thing always request 20 people to tag. i dont even know ten people pls let me breathe) **I keep the rant cause seriously I don't even know 20 people irl not in the tumblr world**

tagged by @in-theory (and im really sorry for being so late, like a month has passed but well okay im doing this lol)

tagging : @vxplln @anastassiamlt @teh-panda @itsthewonderfulworldofsu @inkyblacksky

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: water probably it's summer lol

2. PHONE CALL: my dad

3. TEXT MESSAGE: κλαιω ήθελα να πω (greek)

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: My Neighbor Totoro ending song

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: I don't even remember. I think last weekend watching the Judgment at Nuremberg (1961)

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: not even once

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: nah

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: everything here is going to be a no, ( I keep this answer by @in-theory cause seriously gurl I feel the same)

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: idk what you mean by that. So im gonna answer yeah

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: hell yeah what I was doing the whole winter? 

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im not sure abt getting drunk but I haven't thrown up from alcohol. Alcohol is my friend

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. That's tough

13. seriously though

14. I can't even tell them apart at times, but I like the colors of sunset

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: AHA AND IM HAPPY ABT THAT

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: nah prob. I haven't fallen in, how can I fall out?

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: seriously I don't remember. I remember this time. I couldn't breathe from laughing too hard. I had just discovered a new laugh which was like HIHIHIHIIHIIIHIHHIHHIHHHHIIIIIIIIIHIHIHIIHI and I didn't even remember what I was laughing at cause everyone (included me) just laughed with my new laugh lol. But idk if it was this year. Maybe some other time that i don’t remember now cause well i have the memory of a fish

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: what

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: maybe???idk

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: im still through that tbh

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: what is even a fb list?

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: welllllllllll it depends on what you mean know irl

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: I wanna get a doggo but I only had fishes till now and they all dead now so yeah prob gonna delay getting the doggo till I get a house that would be comfy for him

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: tbh I didn't really like that as a kid. And I would like to change it if I become an artist of any form of art

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: my sis got me presents and we went to a nice café-bar, and some other time we got some pizzas with ma friends

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: eight o’ clock 

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching the Russian boy who looked like a real-life anime dancing folklore and I tell you he was fineee

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: life

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: before 3 hrs or something

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: my character. And my hobbies. Like sometimes I really wish I had been in some athletic team or dance team, be a little more sociable a lil stronger. ANyway

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Put My Hands On You by Dean ft. Anderson Paak (please do babe, i want that too)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: Nah

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: people, me included

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): everywhere but I think the ones that come more to my mind is a huge one that is above of my left ear and thankful my hair cover it, then one in my right wrist and one left of my nose

35. MARK(S): stretch marks everywhere

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: ha I prob changed them every week, but I think that actress was the final one cause I found out as a kid that in this way I could be everything I wanted and change profession with every different movie/series I got myself into

37. HAIR COLOR: brown 

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: now short

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: *laughs* what’s a crush **(sorry babe gonna keep that as well cause yeah same)**

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: i’m confident at my dreams and goals

41. PIERCINGS: nah 

42. BLOODTYPE: A I think 

43. NICKNAME(S): squidie, agg, ang, bro

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: IM SINGLE af 

45. ZODIAC: cancer but who cares

46. PRONOUNS: she/her

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: Friends (American), It’s okay that’s love (Korean) (UGGHHHH THIS IS HARD OMG REPLY 1988 TOO OKAY?) and Είσαι το ταίρι μου (Greek)

48. TATTOOS: nah, how could i decide where to put it and what to write/draw, nahhh

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: not yet

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: no

52. SPORT: does eating count?

53. VACATION: Nisiros-10 and Skopelos D-24

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: got me some converse and a pair of vans but converse is next level I tell ya 

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: haven’t eaten since i woke up probably won’t eat until noon

56. DRINKING: more water lol

57. I’M ABOUT TO: Watch a movie prob or go for a walk

58. WAITING FOR: Awesome summer to start even on August

59. WANT: to travel back in time and become friends with Bogey and Bacall 

60. GET MARRIED: who knows what life has for me? im too young to know

61. CAREER: nobody knows, maybe i will become a millionaire,maybe i will become another jobless person, maybe i will sell tomatoes and pancakes and cookies in flea market

 62. HUGS OR KISSES: Both actually

63. LIPS OR EYES: heart, sorry i never (after middle school, cause we don’t speak of the time before shhhh) really cared abt specific characteristics on people. I mean, he could have the most beautiful eyes/lips i have set my eyes on and i could be not attracted by him. Idk im weird

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: taller cause well im 1,64 m, and idk i just need his height to tell me HUG ME IM A HUGSIE PERSON (I know im weird, that’s why i have few friends)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: now older. but idk generally i don’t think i would have a problem with younger people

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: i’m a hoe for arms oh dear God mercy

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: loud people because i am quiet and reserved so yeah this is abt what person i am or which kind of people i like? well it doesn’t matter cause well idk abt sensitive, but im not and neither im attracted to loud people

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: im 10000% hesitant and i would like a troublemaker to have a lil fun sometime

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: no

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: like 8737918731432867 times

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: well. . . maybe?im not sure abt that

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: no

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: no

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: does elementary school count?

77. BEEN ARRESTED: no

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: yes

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: i don’t think i have male friends (like real friends, to talk at least once a month and really care abt each other) and i never actually had

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: im a magic fairy, who doesn’t believe in them? my specialty is to make everyone sad lol

81. MIRACLES: yes

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: okay im still not over that ice cream, why do you keep reminding me of that *sobs* it was my first love *tears fall* when we set our eyes on each other *mess* *somebody sto0p me please*

83. SANTA CLAUS: well i believe in Santa Claus in the way i believe in all other Santas

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: is this something to believe in?

85. ANGELS: yes

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): anastassia, maryam, i think that’s it

OTHER

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: Mamma Mia (2008) (judge all you want but it never fails on making me happy), Philadelphia Story (1940) (come on this movie is just amazing i love it). Im not sure abt favorite, but i really liked It’s a Wonderful Life (1946), cause it made me rethink my priorities in life and it certainly demands a re-watch. In abt a month i think many many more will be added to this list hopefully

OMG I DID IT YEY