#i wanna!!! im gonna!!!!!!! im MANIC i can do ANYTHING

[orcelito]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

5.6k words I FINISHED IT I finished writing chapter 11!!!!!!!!!!

I'm honestly kinda yelling at the adrenaline of this last batch of scenes hfkshfjshxkdhkfhdjd

Oh boy oh boy I could maybe even post tonight. I'm kinda feeling it.

[like-wuatafauq]

I'm hot until I have to bring up the fact that:

I went manic and got a bunch of tattoos,cut my hair,experienced psychosis, insomnia, and nobody noticed, nobody questioned it. I brought it up to my therapist(I have a new one now cuz I asked to switch after this convo) and specifically asked if how I was acting and doing things was okay only for her to say if I thought it was okay then it's okay. Girl, I need an outside perspective, I can believe it's okay because I'm having racing thoughts, I was having thoughts that things were good. Thank God I managed to even question it and pull myself out so I wouldn't get involved in drugs, alcohol, sex because my parents have a long history of addiction and abuse...it could've definitely been a lot worse.

Anyway, you can decide if I'm still hot after that spill but yeah....

[gregmarriage]

genuinely so fucked up right now, and so desperate to leave the house, that i would consider my pap smear, a holiday

[princessmyriad]

Its the end of pride month and i havent once seen the comic about that gay raccoon taking shots at his fox ex husband. Disgraceful

[biggie-chcese]

rain code age headcanons because i have literally only ever been choosing ages based on what's funniest but now i wanna cast away my grand layers of irony and be genuine for a moment. also. this goes pretty in depth so be prepped for the long haul when you click read more lmao.

spoilers for the whole game below and it's because of one specific character iykyk

Yakou - this man has the soul of a guy in his late 40s going through what would be his midlife crisis if not for the fact that he's fully aware he passed the midpoint years ago. but that soul is trapped in the body of a guy who doesnt look a day older than 28. what moisturizer does he use? i doubt he even uses anything other than that 13 in 1 shampoo. anyway, i think he's 32.

Halara - 26. nothing really to justify this other than they've got that mid 20s swag but 25 didn't feel right. adult enough to be as competent as they are yet young enough to look like that. moving on.

Desuhiko - 19. i think he's the youngest of the NDA because. well. idk man have you read his dialogue? he's got a whole lot of growing to do and is still very lost on his direction in life. he's giving 'bitch fresh outta high school (or in this case, detective training) and relishing in his freshly obtained freedom."

Vivia - 28? yeah i got nothing for this i am going purely on vibes here. 28 just feels right.

Fubuki - 23. she's clearly still a bit young but is also clearly a grown ass adult who wasn't raised right so i think this makes for a happy medium, especially if she's already been on some worldwide adventures n shit before the game. works out quite swimmingly methinks.

Kurumi - 18. for my personal comfort bc we'll get to yuma later but im not gonna sit here and ignore the way the game constantly grovels at the audience's feet to ship them so id rather she not be any younger than this. anyway, more about her: she tends to hold her own as an informant with more competence, maturity, and effecience than most of the NDA. but she also has a pretty childish black and white view on things, like believing her beloved detectives are always right (girl if you were real you would be ENTRENCHED in stan culture oml do NOT get into minecraft youtubers) but i've... seen 18 year olds on the internet that are exactly the same so whatever

Aetheria girls - putting them all at 17-18 because, based on honorifics, they are treated as upperclassmen by their peers in the Japanese dub. i think waruna is the youngest and kurane is the eldest.

Yomi - 25. he has that vibe. old enough to be taken seriously as an adult but young enough to act like That™. yknow?

Martina - 32. she's giving older woman sexy librarian vibes and generally carries herself with a certain level of poise and maturity but is also a freak in a way that can best be explained by being a woman in her 30s. not elaborating on this

Swank - 41. to me he's like those awful surly businessmen who go to cabaret clubs to drink and smoke their office job woes away and cheat on their wives. but he also has extreme mafia boss swag about it so i kinda love him for that. dunno what this has to do with age tho. moving on.

Seth - 22 because he's giving youngest brother. i think he's the youngest of the peacekeepers in general. guillaume definitely bullies him about this.

Dominic - 34. bro is built like a jojo character what else do you want me to say. he's still got that youthfulness about him that makes me think he's still not going through his midlife crisis, so i wouldn't place him any older

Guillaume - 23. guillaume is so girlypop manic pixie dream girl core that she's definitely got the energy of someone who is young but also strikes the balance of being someone who has a job and a mortgage. dunno how she does it. id like to think she isnt even much older than seth but still bullies him for being the baby of the peacekeepers. do u understand my vision. please. they have so much annoying coworker potential.

shinigami - idk like 1000. she's a death god who cares.

yuma - okay. yeah. look i dont give a singular fuck about age discourse- headcanon whatever you want- but from looking at canon material i genuinely think that he could not possibly be any younger than 21. 20 if we wanna push it. yes, i know he looks young. i have eyes. but also, im in my 20s and the most common thing people tell me when i reveal my age is "oh, i thought you were 15." one time a person asked me if i was 12. at my job. that i was actively working at. i was 20. adults can look young, and contrary to the classic 1000 year old loli dragon trope he doesnt act overtly childish. he acts like a normal fuckin guy. yes he cries but like. you wouldn't in his position? bro speedruns lifelong trauma so skillfully that he's backwards long jumping into alternate universes where everything is somehow worse. i'd be freaked out if he didn't cry. also im aware that the child prodigy detective trope is a thing and that kodaka has written that before but... he was number one three years ago. and the training takes two years. which means, if he is a minor in the game's present day, he started working at the WDO at 12 and became number one at 14... at the oldest. have you ever met a 14 year old? forgive me for not suspending my disbelief here. and really the kicker for me is that yuma has a line where he says he's not sure if he's drinking age (which would be 20 in japan), but you know who would be sure? you know who knows yuma's age better than yuma?

makoto kagutsuchi - this megacorporation CEO has a fully stocked minibar installed in his penthouse. <- sentence i cannot bring myself to believe if it's about a child. since i also cant picture him becoming CEO at age 14 without yomi at least once angrily pointing that out (he only ever mentions that makoto is an outsider, or has his head in the clouds), id like to think both him and yuma, at their youngest, earned their top spots at their respective organizations at 18. it keeps their gifted kid syndrome and young prodigy-ness without making things comically ridiculous or uncomfortable for the sheer amount of sexual situations yuma gets put into.

anyway that's my silly little ramble on age headcanons. this was actually really fun to think about. shoutout to kodaka for leaving out the ages. funniest choice he could've made

[lsleofthelost]

What are your honest thoughts on the book kids? Both vk and ak?

i’m gonna be so honest with you it’s been a while since i reread the books. (what’s kinda adjacent is that i wish the books, the movies and the animated stuff was more cohesive with each other but i understand that they never planned on it being such a big franchise)

let me cut it here bc it got so long, i was very into it

i most vividly remember the first one, the prequel, and i dont think we see any kids that aren't in the movies, other than mentions. though i think Audrey in it is great, like her brittle handle on being the Perfect Auradon Princess and her huge desire to just sweep all unseemly things under the rug and like almost forceful insistence that everything is fine and great and all that exists is the softness and beauty in Auradon, down to her ignoring animals that aren't cute, ones that dont coo and cuddle. but when Ben pushes her she's intense and angry and almost scary.

the second book, return to the isle of the lost, introduces fun vks and mainly just name drops some aks:

i really like Mad Maddy, i like the thought that she and Mal were besties as kids, as close as sisters, twins even. and the fact that something happened between them that made Mal dye her hair, which she still does all these years later. i also think it's fun that her and Evie immediately dislike each other upon meeting. and i like that she's never 'redeemed', she's bitter and angry and scheming. and not bitter like Uma is, who wants more and better for herself and others, but deep in 'evil over everything' bitter, she leans into it and wants worse for everyone else.

Anthony Tremaine is so cunty. like i know we never get a visual of him but i know he was serving. he was comitted to his noble aesthetic and his bored drawl. i also liked that in the books there were a lot of cousins, i think it could be fun to have like a gang of them with maybe other nobles from their country (though obvi they wouldn't refer to themselves as a gang, they're too self-important and 'above it all'). i don't remember him doing anything super important other than supporting Maddy, which makes me think he's like a passive guy re: Isle situation, just choosing whatever he thinks is going to benefit him (and by extension, Tremaines) the most. in my fics, he and the Tremaines usually are adjacent Mal's gang through Dizzy's connection to Evie, just as like gratitude for watching out for her.

Ginny Gothel is great too, i don't know why i don't use her more, i really should. she was kinda friendly with Mal in the first book, not like they run together but more like they don't really have anything against each other and in social situations they talk and drink together. i love that she stole stuff from Maleficent's apartment it's fun. she very much gives me narcissit's daughter, who internilises it all and tries to imitate her mother. i think she would probably be very competetive, especially with Evie (overall, i think they have a potential for an interesting dynamic... a lot can be said but i don't wanna get too sidetracked, send me an ask if it's interesting to u)

Yzla doesn't do much except attend the Anti-Heroes club which i took as a green light to pretty much create my oc. i still think it's kinda dumb for Yzma to have a kid but eh whatever. i think Yzma wouldn't be a stereotypically bad mother, i think she's more like neglectful in a bad mood and "my kid and i are friends, im cool" in a good mood. anyway, when i do Yzla, they're nonbinary and androgynous, and a little manic, really smart, good at engineering and chemistry, so usually i make them a part of the gang and Carlos's assistant.

genuinely don't care for Hadie. like, i think the name is stupid, i think that he's Mal's half brother is stupid (since they never do anything about it), but i think there's potential to this character.

Diego de Vil is my babygirl. i have like a whole character inside my head for him because i think the potential of Carlos having a cool older cousin is just so great. if you go to my bad apples tag, you'll see more, but i created a whole band for him (and a twin!). he has a devil may care attitude and cares for Carlos but doesn't know how to express it at all.

now for the ones i don't have much to say about: Claudine Frollo has so so much potential and i've read really cool fics with her and the religious trauma she would obviously have. Harry and Jace should probably have a cool dynamic with Carlos, what with being forced to work for the de Vil family but i honestly forget they exist a lot of the time. Big Murph is friendly and helpful that is all i have to say about him (but it's interesting that he doesn't follow Uma). Eddie Balthazar and Hermie Bing just seem like they're there to fill spaces, but i'd love if someone fleshed them out. Gaston twins, i've seen good characterisation of them as following their father's footsteps and i think they are like if himbos were evil.

for the AKs of this book:

Pin, eh, not much to say except the name's dumb. Artie is a baby, but seems hot-headed in that heroic way. Herkie (again, dumb name) should have beef with Mal. Gordon is a little jealous, but i think he opens up a possibility of like messy family drama between the kids of the dwarves lol. i don't even wanna discuss Tiger Peony because i wish they didn't touch the indigenous characters because of the implications it has in-universe and they didn't do much with her anyway.

okay, now onto the rise of the isle of the lost:

whew, i love that this is focused on uma. i know i personally don't talk about her a lot since i'm mostly absorbed with the rotten four, but i love her and the pirates dearly.

(re: the Hook sisters, i don't have strong opinions on them, just thathc that's canon to me, they're all from different mothers)

Jonas is one of the people who has a confirmed appearence and the same actor was in the rotten to the core sequence, so i choose to believe it's the same guy. in my head, he used to be a vendor at the market, bored and tired of having to protect his stand, which is why he eagerly joins Uma.

i don't remember much of the personalities of other crew members, if they were given any, but i've read great Uma-centric stuff that fleshed them out greatly and really made me care about them.

for the aks, this is the first time we meet Lonnie's older brother. i don't wanna even type out the hate crime of a name they gave him. but overall, i think it's funny that Lonnie's a little sister, explains why she want to rebel and is always in everyone's business lol. for him personally, afaik he's not that much older than the main cast and i think the fact that him and Jay are friends so fun.

for Arabella, it's never revealed who her parents are but if we base it on the live action, i'd say her mum is Perla, she's said to be charismatic and diplomatic, her kingdom values the arts, which are qualities i think we can see in Arabella. i think it has interesting implications that she can go between land and sea as she wishes, especially if we take into account that magic is practically forbidden. is she an exception? also this is the second time an ak causes a uhhh hardship? in their desperation. Jane in d1, to change herself to fit into the judgemental social world of Auradon nobility, and Arabella here to prove that she's capabel of leading. she's said to be obsessed with Evie's style and overall a huge fashion lover, which i think probably makes people call her vapid, vain, ditzy, etc and why she wants to prove herself so badly. honestly, i don't see her a lot and i don't think i've ever written her into any of my fics but she offers a good window into what it's like to be a royal.

i thiiink this is also where Aziz is mentioned again? but genuinely all i take for him from canon is just his name. i love him and Jordan (Laila's version): they're practically siblings, they're a little too carefree, Aziz is leading the sassy man apocalypse and Jordan takes every opportunity to humble him (lovingly), they're kind of party animals though media just calls them socialites lol

ok im gonna be real with you, i never read escape from the isle of the lost so i think that's all, i hope i didn't miss anyone!

[neurodiversebones]

I want to hear the ed + recovery thoughts. I want to hear them so badly. I have post notifications on for you and saw your post within a minute because of how much I love your thoughts.

should i be sleeping? yes i have to leave for work in exactly 8 hours (i said when i started this . as im finishing it we are looking at 7 hrs 15 min lol) . but i Have to Talk ! also just letting you know you almost made me CRY with this ask you guys are all genuinely so sweet and kind to me i cannot believe it 💗💐☀ i love you all :-((

OKAY gonna put this under a cut so anyone who doesn't wanna see ed related content can SCROLL AWAY ! gonna avoid being triggering but . protect ur peace and all that <3 also i wanna put out there that this is mostly based on my own experiences with seven years of various eating disorders so if you are reading this and it doesn't fit your idea or perception of ed's that may be why !

ok so the three main characters i have ed-related headcanons for are brennan, angela, and cam (before anyone comments that it's only the women . there is no correlation i promise . i am projecting and these are my Projection Characters .)

i hc brennan as having arfid and orthorexia-- arfid developed for her from a combination of sensory issues with food as well as food-related anxiety from foster care (not always having enough to eat, rarely having any choice in what she ate, food-related punishments within abusive homes). being avoidant is an easy way to ignore the anxiety and stress that comes along with eating, between her sensory issues and the fact that she wasn't given an opportunity to develop much of a healthy relationship with food. orthorexia also developed as a control mechanism, but later in life (around college age). it was the first time since her parents left that she had control over her life, and that included food-- she became very obsessive about what she was putting in her body, because it gave her some of that sense of control back. her obsession with being "healthy" allowed her to feel like she was the one in charge of her body for the first time since she was fifteen.

in regards to recovery, she really didn't realize she had a problem for ages. since she wasn't medically unstable or engaging in super obvious behaviours, she didn't see herself as suffering from an eating disorder at all. it wasn't until sweets pointed out her disordered eating habits that she realized there was anything wrong with what she was doing-- she brought it up to booth, who agreed, which culminated in a fairly major argument as she didn't see anything she was doing as "bad" or disordered, just "healthy" and "in control". after a Real Conversation though, she eventually accepted that she might have some sort of problem and started looking into it more. she is definitely still in recovery, as it is a very slow process after so many years of disordered eating, but she makes an effort to engage in things that scare the disordered part of her brain. her favourite memory in regards to this was getting *real* ice cream for the first time in god knows how long when her and angela were out with the kids <33

my headcanons in regard to angela's ed are very connected to my headcanon that she has bipolar disorder-- many of us with bipolar really struggle with disordered eating and i specifically hc angela as having bulimia. it started when she was a teenager and first starting to experience bipolar episodes-- when manic or depressed, it's incredibly easy to fall into b/p cycles. when she was manic, it was like a form of thrill seeking, and she didn't have the capacity to care for the destruction it was causing, and when depressed, it felt like she was putting her awful feelings into something physical. it was hard to express her emotions through words, so she used her body instead.

i think she entered recovery for the first time in her late teens (around 17) when her mental health hit like . rock bottom and her dad decided that they needed to do something about it. she got the treatment she needed, and also took time away from school to tour with her dad-- exploring the country and having so much time to just sit with her thoughts (especially now that they were a little easier to manage with medication) is what made her start doing art really seriously-- if she couldn't express her hurt with her body anymore, she was going to do it on a page, and she created some of her most beautiful paintings during that time that she is still very proud of to this day. she still has slip ups to this day when she is struggling with her episodes, but with hodgins and brennan she is much more capable of talking through it before it gets to a dangerous point of relapse.

as for cam's ed, i feel this is the one i've talked about the most before bc she is my comfort character in this aspect? i headcanon her to have anorexia, specifically restrictive subtype. for her it's a control and perfectionism thing, as well as a "growing up masking autism" thing. cam has a very perfectionist and obsessive personality type, and it's mostly directed toward herself. everything she does needs to be perfect to be enough, and she needs to feel in control at all times. food is one of the easiest ways to do this-- if she can control her body and the food she consumes, obsess over numbers and physical changes and symptoms, it makes her feel a little more at ease in her life because she feels she has *something* under her control. as for the masking thing, she often masked with hyperfemininity growing up-- she was praised frequently for being a "good girl", and part of keeping up that image was looking the "right" way (aka, thin). if she could keep up this image, people wouldn't notice the things that made her odd or how unnatural everything felt to her. it's another control thing, but with another layer to it.

cam took a *long* time to start real recovery. she had phases where it got less severe, even some to the point where she barely thought about it, but restriction and denial was always still a part of her mentality and routine. it wasn't until arastoo came along that she felt comfortable enough to explain her pain and her thoughts to another person-- she was always too scared to unload on anyone else, so she kept it a secret essentially her entire life. arastoo was the first person she trusted to listen without judgement, and he encouraged her to talk to her other friends and loved ones about it (all of whom were incredibly understanding and supportive). in a similar sense to brennan, recovery is really difficult for her, having struggled for so incredibly long and having her disorder be a part of her daily routine for the majority of her life. however, she tries incredibly hard-- arastoo is teaching her how to cook (she never learned) and she's learning to find the joy in food through that, and allowing herself to relax around it a little more <333

that is all !!!! wow this is so very long lol . i hope you enjoyed this it was cathartic for me

[teecupofcement]

So weird saying all of this, I think I can get it out properly? I don't know if I will delete tomorrow or if this will stick this time, all I know is that after I post this? I think I'm gonna continue on like I normally do.

Tw for mentions of self harm suicide going fucking goddamn insane shit like that!! Fun!!

I'm sorry for this

Okay. Okay here it is, here's what's going on, I can only explain the fucking FUCKK During A Episode but my mind is so scrambled I'm going insane but Fuck no more paranoia I feel like I can do anything but now I'm scared of myself. I can't explain it when I'm in an episode without sounding like this cryptic ass!!! Let me fucking live!!!! Please!!!! My symptoms don't fucking match up with any of the thing!! What is this!! It's depression and manic episodes I've almost died. I will try to tag this maybe I can find others, but what the fuck dude!!! Okay. I know bipolar has a chance to be passed down genes. Yep but this is so severe!! "I want to kill myself" "no you don't." "I feel like I'm going insane" "you aren't going insane"!!! When will it fucjhng end!! When will I be heard?? What the FUCK am I gonna do tomorrow when this ends? And I gonna delete this, or am I gonna try and not?? Fuck!!! What if I fucking mistag it!! Getting a new therapist is taking too long!! I'm too fucking young for this !!

I can try and explaj, okay so depressive episodes right? Fuck yeah right!! They aren't just "oh my mood is down right now," and feeling depressed, even just laying in bed and crying, for me it's fufkicn uhh feing lkke im going insanr, i need to do research on psychosis becaus that might take a role or not but this gwnuinely makes me feel like i can just. Slice. Slice my arms wide open. Wake up tomorrow and pretend nothing happened and when my family is screaming and calling the cops I'd laugh and say "what??" !!! What the fuck!!! This will happen eventually if I can't do something about it!! It makes me feel like I can just. I have so many bookshelves in my room right?? Yeah. Bam now I just wanna knock them all onto the floor and make a small bed on the floor. When my sibling walks in they will be like what the fuck :D!!!! Maybe this will show them I am going insane, but I just wanna know why it's different. Why this is beyond the bipolar criteria ? Is this ? It feels beyond humanity. I feel like I'm breaking out of reality but what is that!! Answer me!! Is that what they call "psychosis" or am I just unique!! Will o find someone that takes this? I will find someone that relates? Fuck no!! I'm fucking alone!! I'm fucking alone in this!! Oh and Great now I have a weird fucking attachment randomly to my mom!! I feel nothing without her sometimes!!! It's gone away but I couldn't fucking LIVE with that shit. I can't fucking live with this shit! I'm fucking tired!!

No fucking wonder Everytime I felt "this down" in a now depressive episode labeled, we split! We fucking split more and more Headmates and now they're all here to prevent me from killing myself. They won't let me?? Fuck now I just wanna run away!! Oh they won't let me?? Even better!! Fuck I'm so sorry for this, I need to get this out I'm sorry. J don't know what's wrong with me.

Depressive episodes are different than what meets the bipolar criteria. I feel like I'm breaking reality.

My mom has been misdiagnosed with bipolar before. I told her about these episodes that come and go for only a night. She said bipolar disorder. She didn't know though, that I have been doing research on bipolar. Because I thought that's what's wrong with me. But now I'm a fucking dumbass. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is. I always try and fucking guess instead of trying to explain this shit to a professional first who has the right thought. It's always "oh I suspect I have this" bullshit. I'm tired of myself. Why can't it be "I suspect you have this.". I'm the goddamn imposter here. I'm tired.

I just need a sign. What is this. Why is it beyond

[zebrabyopn]

Hi I genuinely love your blog, and hope this doesn’t come off as rude or pushy, but is there anyway you could put some type of tag on your posts relating s*icide? I understand if not I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask

im sorry, i wanna say ill do it, but sometimes i have very bad manic episodes and i talk about that very explicitly and in those moments i wont bother to tag anything. i can maybe tag most posts, but in those moments yknow im not gonna go "im very very sad #ventpost #s*icide" or smth. ill make a suitag for now, but i cant promise u itll be 100% consistent, and i wont put it on my really bad vent posts :( if thats not enough, then im sorry but its the most i can do

[dcla-confessions-send-your-amor]

ok guys i want to hear your opinions on smth since one of our anons inspired me:

do you guys have any insane crackships or just noncanon ships that you think that could work even if the characters like never interacted or anything? or maybe they do interact or maybe its just something bizarre or insane or a ship you just think has the potential to be really cute?

feel free to reblog this with your answers or send an ask ofc

because i have a few silly ones and i want to hear what your guyss are

ok so yeah share yours with us! and ill add mine below to get us started so 🤭

ok this is me officially saying that yes beto x ramallo is one of my crackships and thinking about them as a ship never fails to make me laugh its such a funny concept to me. also yeah i think victor has a crush on thiago and luan and pietro would be the boyfriends ever cause they both give off such lame dad energy. i also def ship ana and juliana from sl idk why but ohhh i love temporary relationships and i feel like they would be a great example of that. and ofc my favourite one is that i think gregorio and pablos went on a terrible accidental blind date. like they accidentally ended up on a date together somehow and the moment they met each other it was hate at first sight.

also yeah. i ship mara and pixie and pixie and carmin (this one makes more sense with canon) but idk i see the mixie vision like theres potential there i can feel it

no because pablo and gregorio actually have no compatibility at all not to mention pablo is so straight why is them on a blind date so funny to me like i need it

for me I think I'm gonna officially come out as a simón x benicio truther 💔. it's the dumbest concept of all time but I swear they dated before simón left for buenos aires.

but the best crackship in all of dcla is emilia x matteo because THEY SHOULD HAVE HOOKED UP IDC !!! they're literally both so gay and angry so what else would they have done??? man if sl wasn't a disney show they should have got me into the writers room because that whack kiss was not worth luna having a manic episode over and matteo getting lyric amnesia and falling from the fence.

anyways share with us every crack ship you have we wanna hear 😍

HELPPPP im going to cry the emitteo agenda makes me lose it.

also omg how did i forget about simicio i also think theyre exes.

also nico has the biggest one sided crush on matteo (esp in s3) and i also have this crack ship thats eric x ramiro and thats all im going to say (its a complete joke dw)

also now apparently tatric (eric x jazmins random love interest at the end of s3 is a thing thanks to my lovely co runner of this blog so uhhh) also eric x tomas from violetta im going to cry

[dgaftilwedie]

:3

strange peculiar weird looking fucking thing

i wish i was less annoying 💀💀💀 i feel like all i do is bother people and no one actually really likes hanging out with me because im fucking obnoxious!!!! i wish i didn't think that way but i don't know how NOT to

i do NOT wanna dwell on that rn!!!!!!!

family guy.......... breaking bad............ god i need to rewatch that show i fucking love breaking bad

i don't really have any???

i wanna go back to new york city so bad 😭😭

no one's gonna look out for you so you have to look out for yourself. your friends aren't your friends until they're your friends, yknow??

my hot bio teacher /hj

summer because it doesn't make me suicidal LMFAO

the inside cover of ur favorite cd

im not even gonna lie there's ten songs and half of them are by BTS

coolest guy i've ever had the pleasure of meeting. he's so fun to be around and i'd probably kill somebody for him. he smells like weed and warmth and the 2000s. 10/10 human being i fuckin love that guy

i was in a dodgeball competition with some people at my school that i didn't like but instead of using dodgeballs, we were using tiny water-filled popping bobas. i became a dodgeball god.

pumpkin spice latte 🤤🤤

SWAN SONGS BY HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD. it was the first album i ever got attached to and i've been criminally obsessed with hollywood undead since i was fucking 2!!!!!!! their dove n grenade logo is gonna be my first tattoo :33

idk, getting punched in the face??

i don't really have a favorite painting

uhmmmm scene kid meets teenage boy from 2013 meets white trailer trash chick

what does this question mean

this is lowkey embarrassing but jimmy urine 💀💀 YES I KMOW HE'S A BAD PERSON OK I WAS A LITTLE KID

i've been on tumblr for about 4 years and i don't think the way i've used it had changed very much

it was a piece of shit android but it did what i needed it to do (except for run roblox)

mmmmmm strawberry :3

my uncle dave LMAO i would ask him literally every question under the sun i haven't seen him since i was 6

sandwich.......... but hear me out. you can literally turn ANYTHING into a sandwich. salad sandwich......... pizza sandwich.......... burrito sandwich.......... sushi sandwich......... anythig constitutes as a sandwich

?????? what kind of whavk ass question

POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL POSTAL EEEEEEEEEEEE

shark :33 i love shark :33

stank ass pits

i just think dragons are really fucking cool :33

that scene is turning red where the main character's mom brings her fanart to show the fuckinnnnnnn convenience store worker that she has a crush on the fanart she drew of him 💀💀💀 literally had to pause the movie for 20 minutes to think about if it was really worth watching

uhmmm probably my ancient brokencyde cds

i've chipped one of my front teeth so many times that half the time it doesn't even look like it's there 💀💀 i am the one toothed wonder

never been to one

not in the mood to dwell rn :3

YOLOOOOOOO

all of my habits are strange i do everything in patterns (i am 99% sure i have ocd)

poofesure gameplays 💕💕

uhmmmmmm idkkkkkkkkkk :PPPPPPP

jerk off

making my own original music

idk but i bought this dope ass sonic hat earlier today it's fucking awesome

stupid poopy loser

prettyyyyyyy good B)) i think my relationship with my dad is a little better than my relationship with my mom

the bass

ramona flowers........ not in a manic pixie dream girl all the incels want me way, but in the we're both people who've made mistakes, tried to run from them, and are now trying to face them head on and be better people way

most country just does not float my boat like specifically MODERN country............ the older shit is super mega nostalgic for me cuz i grew up in the country

i would be too excited to experience fear like "OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT FUCKING CREATURE!!!!!" but the answer is probably ants because i am scared of ants :D

i think most people are overrated

silly blog :3 tell people my thoughts :3 hello world!!!!!!!!!! \(^_^)/

50 Q’s

1.) describe yourself through the eyes of a stranger? 2.) what is a quality you’d like to change about yourself? 3.) what is your worst potential fear for the future? 4.) which television series do you use as a form of escapism? 5.) share a secret about yourself? 6.) if you could choose any place in the world to visit, where would it be? why? 7.) what advice would you give your childhood self? 8.) describe how you envision your ideal life partner? 9.) what is your favorite environmental season? why? 10.) what’s one book you’d suggest every person should read? 11.) what is one song that’s able to bring you to tears? 12.) describe your best friend? 13.) what was the premise of your last dream? 14.) what’s your favorite warm beverage? 15.) name one musical album that greatly impacted your life? why? 16.) what’s your favorite form of flattery? 17.) what’s your favorite painting? and describe how it makes you feel? 18.) describe your personal style? 19.) what was the last concept that inspired you? 20.) who was your very first artistic inspiration? 21.) how long have you used tumblr for? how has your style changed over the years? 22.) what was your first cell phone? 23.) what is your favorite fruit flavor? 24.) whom would you resurrect from the afterlife? which 3 questions would you ask them? 25.) if you could choose only one meal to eat for the remainder of your life, which would you choose? 26.) which of the 7 deadly sins do you struggle with the most? and which the least? 27.) your latest obsession? and why? 28.) if you could domesticate any animal as your pet, which would you choose? 29.) what’s your least favorite smell? 30.) favorite mythological creature? and why? 31.) name a scene from a movie that makes you cringe? 32.) favorite piece of memorabilia you own? 33.) your personal favorite oddity about yourself? 34.) favorite concert/show you’ve attended? 35.) what’s one thing you would tell to the last person who betrayed you? 36.) your favorite mantra to live by? 37.) do you have any strange habits? 38.) what’s your favorite white-noise to fall asleep to? 39.) what is your favorite gemstone? why? 40.) how do you choose to cope when you’re upset? 41.) what are you currently trying to accomplish? 42.) what’s your favorite item you’ve purchased secondhand? 43.) describe your personality is only 3 words? 44.) how is your relationship with your parents? 45.) an instrument you aspire to learn how to play? 46.) relate yourself to one movie character? 47.) least favorite music genre? why? 48.) which animal would you be the most terrified to encounter? 49.) name a public figure you find to be overrated? why? 50.) what purpose do you get out of using tumblr?

[snow-and-saltea]

aaaaaa had a rough couple of days. im gonna just start writing about them here under the cut so i can verbalize what i went through

i couldn't sleep well for the past few days, like running on naps and 2-3 hours of sleep or smth, and 2 or 3 days ago i crashed and slept for a full day. and i felt so guilty. it was funny because i wouldn't feel guilty if i was alone; i felt guilty bc i was afraid i was gonna get yelled at and stuff, smth abt not being able to win either way even if i do sleep or not, so i figure id better choose to not sleep and appear energetic, visible and action oriented so my mom doesnt figure out im slipping back into a breakdown

anyways. i remember being really weirded out bc ive always associated that heavy sleepiness with me taking my sleepy meds, which ive not been taking on purpose for a few months now (unless i really need them, once or twice a month randomly). so ive been just running on manic anxious energy just to keep myself appearing functioning so no one will have anything to criticise me for and i think i dipped so much into the manic i became extremely paranoid, being deeply misanthropic, hating my friends for not knowing how badly im hurting despite not telling them explicitly that im hurting, feeling alone and scared, easily scared and on edge from sounds and stuff, not being able to calm down and relax bc of the imagery in my head.

then i realised i was obsessively making myself feel paranoid by rereading texts, interpreting someone's probably innocent motives badly, etc etc. so i decided to uninstall the thing so that i physically would only be able to do that behaviour on my computer, which i rarely use to actually talk to people + me being tired makes me lazy to exert the energy to make conscious decisions to open the computer, type in my password, open the app, wait for it to load, and do the thing. theres a lot more steps in between so theres a lot more chances for me to turn away to do something different, and bc im already very tired just thinking of all those steps demotivates me from wanting to do it, even though my manic paranoid brain wants me to. self manipulation ftw

it was really hard to talk. it felt like everything i said or wrote came off as so flat and curt that i was always worried that i came off as angry bc i know how i usually sound more... energetic. or emotive. everything i say sounds sarcastic even though i mean in a neutral way, i just don't have the energy to consciously control my tone to make sure people know im harmless. i just don't have the energy to maintain social niceties bc it feels like there's so much information to juggle.

i think its also like. i mean ive talked about it in therapy before but i have some sort of... compulsion? or obsession? with being "consistent" in my personality or behaviour. means if i had a bad day i dont wanna behave like i had a bad day. i want to behave like nothing happened to me, because it feels too revealing and opens me up for targeted insults when i unintentionally let people know (through my behaviour) that im having a bad day, and in the case of my parents, itll devolve into them trying to fix me, feeling frustrated that they can't. so i just dont let them know so we don't have to reheat that soup again. i do that by appearing peppy, pretending ive got the message they were trying to teach me and learned the lesson, put myself down before they can, etc. and even just saying that and writing that down that my behaviours are intentional, i already feel So vulnerable bc it feels as though im now inviting scrutiny. i already feel like i want to fuss around w my fingers bc i want to do something. i feel so weird. i kind of want to crawl back into my skin

and im so sensitive to slights and any signal of rejection from friends that at any small sign i think someone doesn't really care but is being nice, i shut down. i think im quite sensitive to that. its so... difficult to let other people take care of me. to entrust themselves to their care, bc i worry that they're not going to care for me as much as i care for me in the places im tender at, and its really scary to just have to do that without any single preparation of what to do if i get my feelings hurt in the process but i feel like itll be insulting or disrespectful to the other person's efforts of helping me. bc i want to be nice to them. and reciprocate. but it's difficult. and i don't know what to do other than just try to see them in good faith cus beggars can't be choosers, so i cant comment on any care i get cus i don't get a lot of it. i guess

hmm. this is very uncomfortable to talk about. i feel very pathetic. but at least i put it out here so that's something i guess. writing all of this out, this really emphasizes the reason i can't talk to friends about it. its so heavy and intense. no one asked to carry that weight, not even me. how could i ever put this burden on someone else i care about. i think id rather die

sorry that was a shitty note to end on, i don't think i can force a positive conclusion out of this. my head hurts from crying so im gonna get some water

[wewfimapuppie]

idk if i am protecting myself in any way here. but this is my final log.

i am going to have to take the message at face value. i saw the wkrd frighgebed and scared and idk how he perceived what i was doing. i felt like fuck it yknow i might be wrong but this is how its going for me. i felt it was the best thing to do? idk i def said weird shit.

theres no way around it this time. i went manic. i lost my shit. i imagined all that. i scared him.

to me it felt so real dude. so real. it felt like crazg things were happening to me. and i dont have a good support system so idk haha. i hated taking pills. i felt so awful. so i just wanna rely on God for now. and therapy. i'll find a way.

i'll also lay low. wear a black face mask. sunglasses. black beanie. on my way to work and way out. no one will know its me. i'll change and wear a dif sweater and bring a dif jacket yknow i even wanna dye my tips orange like. i feel so embarrassed and i dont wanna see him or have amyone that knows see me. im hiding. im scared. im disappearing. i will just work, head to Tijuana, get uber eats on fridays and some white claws or adjacent when we get comfy. and we dont talk to anyone except maricruz and our coworkwers yknow. stay vigiliant. i rather you dont talk to anyone anymore. we can make friends some other way.

i rather we focus on paying off our debt. and we drop this. we are at a point where we are questioning a text he sent us. we cant do that......

i rather like i said, we lay low, no attention towards ourselves and we wear a mask and domt do shows we are an online act idk. i wanted to be like yahoo lets do shkws z and this happened instead? i went manic? so idk i need to just dont interact w ppl like natasha i look stupid and crazy i have no supplrt to tell me um this is mania.

i can still paint, i can still sell, i can still make music even. but i cant expand or be public in san diego nah nope. i dont ever wanna see him or anyone. this is embarrassssing dude.

lets jjst keep it simple. food. paint. youtube. spotify. cookies and weed. some alcohol. lets just chill yknow? like back to the status quo? but this time we start fresh i guess. but for rn i rather be alone lmao. i feel cringe.

hopefully i can just focus on the job and getting my life together. thats all i can do. ni modo yknow? what else can i do? stay stuck on this? lets just move on. and focus on keeping ourselves afloat. safe. we will be okay. i still want to pray.

the last thing i'll say though is idk why he said that he blocked me bc i sent him noods when

1. he hearted them

2. he djdnt blkck me

3. i blocked him that time

4. i didnt sent him noods this time?

also i specifically have not mentioned his name jjst ryan and my complaints are like... justified?

so my theories on that is...

1. that... wasnt him...

2. he is like.... a psychopath and it isnt even me!! to twist it. make me feel like i went crazy??

3. hes saying a lie to cover why he really blocked me and its i seem crazy.

its just weird he said 2 wrong things. that i ever falked shit abt him and that i sent nudes now kr that he bloxked me when i did it 3 years ago? like he has reason to say jt was fhe Gkd stuff....

he also just ignored anything i said. about the holy ghost stuff. he didnt talk about God at all. the message was like in broken english it was weird. maybe he was scared? but why say a lie ljke that? when i felt its either im crazy or im...on to something. .

and why did he unblock me at all? to warn me or settle it? its still weird to ignore my one accusation. bro. whats with the staring.

but idk its weird like its enough where theyd know what happened. the email. the calling. ryan. the other subtle ways of contact.

so idk i think he couldnt say its bc you seem crazy and he gave you that reason as to why he blocked you even if it doesnt make sense. eventually we're gonna have to accept this is his response. idk abt what he knows abt me and ryan but i know he knows that unsolicited nudes thing is whack bc be liked them and he never blocked me i blocked him... so wtf.

i hate that this wasnt to me, a proper response. like ok i was frightening shit. but wait ur saying u blocked me? nah u blocked me now. no njdes. so idk what to make of this response. to believe it? theres an incorrect factoid.... that isnt it. so shit what now? now that is what will drive me crazy is saying that shit when that didnt happen.

thags what makes me think maybe he was a... cooky guy. bc hes lying. hes manipulating the situation. he didnt explaim himself. just said i was scary and a lie.

idk what it is at this point. him. me? what are the next steps? well... i rather we pretend it didnt happen. im never contacting him or seeing him. im leaving him alone. i dont want to make it worse. i can find "normal" love like tanner. no celestial shit. just hey we fit.... i wish it was normal. i'll pray for it.

but we forget him Riv.... he's gone. whatever it is you thought... his response, whether you believe it or not, could be his real response. and theres signs that your perspective is skewed. and this is it.

i know the nudes thjng sticks out to you Riv. but what are you supposed to do with that suspicion? i cant go see him and be like "was that really you?" like shiiiit no. so now what?

that is why i wanna tell you this; i need to feed you and pay your debt so im getting u a job. but i will also tell you this; if its meant to be it will be. if that isnt him, the real him will appear. but if not, you have more to live for

so. we forget any of this ever happened. we are in incognito mode. we keep it chill. focus on your mental health.

start working. start forgetting. get good at hiding. keep it simple. we can walk away from this bruv. who says we need to acknlowledge this happened? im dropping thjs. even the lie. it could be a cover up to a harsher feeling. we was nice enough to wish me good health....

i will be w say sd and just surviving. this is my last zane log tbh. for my safety and wellbeing.

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

oughh im slipping into a manic episode & can't stay focused on literally anything despite wanting to do MANY things // burnt out on the things i do like. so im probably gonna try and play video games in bed, my lil bro is gonna let me borrow his xbox so i can play new stuff but idk if i wanna try out oblivion or dishonored first....

[tvmm7]

LMAO I GET SO WORRIED ABOUT RANTING!! but yes, I believe everyone should agree with getting Jay.

TO RANT MORE!!! ‼️spoilers lmao‼️

Okay I absolutely love the concept of Brian and Alex coming back like what you portrayed.

BTW IM NOT SAYING ANY OF THIS IS HOW YOU HAVE INTENDED TO WRITE THIS ITS JUST MY TAKE ON THINGS!! 🙏🙏🙏

I also enjoy how you gave Alex some sort of humanity, since he was such a morally gray villian in MH. Him warning Tim, (but of course Tim isn't gonna listen) and then him knowing Jessica wasn't ready, voicing his concern, showing that he really does care. He's worried, and seems to be more upset at Brian for letting Jessica do that – giving her the idea to dress up and then ultimately dying on her first mission. I wonder if he felt guilty for not fighting her and Brian on it more, since he was quick to try and make Tim not go to Jay's when Tim discovered that Jay is Skully.

Don't get me started on how you portray Brian. I absolutely love how you made his character so silly, but also so serious all in one. It's hard to do, and you did that perfectly with Brian in QB. Him knowing he can't stop Jessica, so easily giving in and having some sort of hope that she could help, giving her the disguise, and leading her to her demise. He had to have known she wasn't ready, just like Alex had told him, but he wanted to have hope. I'm wondering if it's because he also wants Tim safe? They were best friends (and I am... a Brim shipper.. so excuse me for this speculation but I love them!) Same with what i said with Alex, I wonder if Brian feels guilty for guiding Jessica to her death.

And then Jay. While I'm so angry at him right now, how you've written him feels so genuinely manic. How he still acts like Jay, you didn't take his character away, but you've expanded on the issues he already had and made them so much worse. You didn't exactly add anything extremely new to him – not talking about the scars um! Those are new alright! – but the way you expanded on his already present issues is so genuinely intriguing to me because that is so hard to do. You've built is character insanely well, how he seems to love Tim but he has something he "has" to do – or he thinks he has to do. I actually have no idea how you're redeeming this man btw because WDYM WHAT HES DOING IS WORSE THAN WHAT ALEX DID....

Tim. God Tim. You have actually written him so insanely well. As above you've written everyone really well! But the way you portray him after everything – accurately portraying the trauma he would have gotten from MH. The love he still has for Jay, the immediate comfort Tim finds with Jay because it's familiar. The fact that Tim is so easily manipulated by Jay. Tim having such a naive trust in Jay because Jay was all he had for so long during MH and he loves him. And that is SO HEART BREAKING because obviously, Jay either feels the same way, or he just knows and used it against Tim – though, I'd like to assume he feels the same way.

Jessica.. I love how protective you wrote her, how she was quick to realize something is wrong with Jay. How she knows they've gone into something they definitely cannot handle. How she knows Tim is going to throw away the life he's built for himself. And how she decides she has to find proof that Jay is Skully, because she doesn't want Tim to be manipulated by him. Which ultimately led to her demise. Her determination and care let her to her demise, and that hurts more than her dying in general. The fact she died trying to protect, trying to help, trying to make sure Tim stays free from whatever is happening.

All in all, you write emotions so well. It all feels so real, which really puts MH to justice since MH also felt SO real in emotions. Also, the way you draw it all is so so good. The way you can portray the emotions in the comic is insane, because it's hard to do. You have inspired me so much ngl I really wanna make art for this 😭

Anyways, after that long rant! Hope you enjoyed that LMAO

Hi! I am LOSING IT.. I just binged all of Quartz Bees and LET ME TELL YOU..

1. I am obsessed with it! It's so cool!!

2. Almost the entire read through either my jaw was on the floor or I was panic covering my mouth.

3. I AM GOING TO GET YOU.. I am so in love and angry all at once I AM HURT.. I am so angry at Jay 😭

4. Absolutely in love with Brian and Alex being ghosts!! The concept is genuinely so cool to me!! I love Brian's goofy self.

5. I saw the thing where you said that Jay is going to do SO MUCH WORSE than was Alex did in MH and you have no idea how scared I am like I am fr horrified. Idc how many times you're apologizing Jay idc how sorru you are I AM GOING TO GET YOU!!!

..sorry for that rant! Anyways, please expect fanart from me when I finish my art fight attacks!

DON'T YOU EVER APOLOGISE FOR RANTING, I LOVE LISTENING TO PEOPLE RANT ABOUT SOMETHING THEY LIKED (my comics nonetheless o3o)

I am so happy you liked it!!!! Also I'm glad my whole audience agreed that they're going to get Jay XDDD

[andragoras-in-vanity]

its valentines and no ones confessing their love for me? 😔