#i usually only sleep like 4-6 but getting so little and what i did get being shit quality is not helping my migraines or other issues

[kingkat12]

hickeys (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, mentions of sex, softcore-y smut, tw!bullying, Roman using his powers for no good, he's being so weird about virgin!reader, angsty fluff lol

summary: after having sacrificed your friendship with Letha for Roman's limited understanding of love and affection, you suddenly learn the consequences of your actions...

word count: 7,406 (you know me, not sorry anymore)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10

Roman had a hickey right on the side of his throat. Thankfully, I knew who gave him that one-- me.

It dawned on me that I had never seen him with one before. Despite how easy it was for me to get lost in the feelings of joy, finding a sense of pride at being the only one allowed to do that to him, I remembered Roman hadn't always been open to these sorts of things. He had warmed up to it gradually, with everything starting as a small incident at my place a week ago.

We had been splayed out on my bed, my face buried in his chest as I took a casual mid-day nap on top of him. It had become a habit-- Roman would come over, we'd bicker about something, then make out for about an hour until he decided to take his smoke break on my balcony. But today was different; the both of us had just finished a rather hard math test, so we were absolutely spent by the time we hit my bed. Roman didn't even have the energy to smoke, and seeing how tired he was, I decided to be bold and cuddle up to him; however, I hadn't expected us to fall asleep like this.

Weirdly enough, he didn't resist my advances. He'd usually start feeling uncomfortable as he wasn't used to affection like this, but today, Roman had his arms around me as I laid with my head on top of his chest. I had been a little embarrassed to wake up to the sight of a tiny puddle of my drool on his sweater, and I tapped the spot with my fingers as though that would make it go away.

Roman awoke, groggy. He let out a low grunt as he raised his head, trying to get a look at what I was doing. "Is that what I think it is?--"

"No," My words barely came out louder than a whisper, now covering the spot with my palm as I looked up at him with a soft smile. "Did you sleep well?"

Roman, being the stubborn asshole he was, didn't even register my question. "Did you drool on me?"

Oh God, this was mortifying. I figured he'd find out anyway; I slowly removed my hand from the spot, sliding off him. "Sorry..." As I rolled over, my back against the bed, I could only sigh. Being Roman's unofficial official girlfriend was hard, especially now that I didn't have any friends to discuss it with. 

However, there were moments where the hardships were worth it. Moments like these ones, where Roman now flipped over and unexpectedly snuggled up to me, his face hiding in the crook of my neck. "I've never been drooled on like that before," he said, his words muffled in my hair. "This is my favourite sweater."

With wary movements, I brought one hand up to his brown locks, gently stroking through them. I wasn't sure what the next sound from Roman was, but the closest thing would be a purr. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, my other hand running up and down his broad back. "Want me to buy you a new one?"

Roman huffed; "Don't be stupid. I'll just leave it in the washer here if you don't mind," 

"The washer?" My hands froze, no longer ghosting over his skin with gentle touches. "It will dry up in a second, Roman, get yourself together. And even worse, I might get the urge to wear it if you leave it here." I immediately regretted that joke the second it slipped past my lips-- in hopes of brushing over it, scared he'd climb off me and go back to being his usual self, I resumed running my fingers through his hair and up his back.

To my surprise, Roman didn't react much. The only thing I could notice was a rather shaky breath against my neck, almost as though he had just had a really tempting thought. Eventually, he spoke; "It wouldn't fit you very well,"

I did my best to shrug, although that was hard to do with someone on top of me. "That's not the premise," I huffed. "People usually wear each others' stuff when they're into one another. It's a cute thing."

"... So you'd want me to leave my sweater here?" Roman eventually propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my gaze. "Why? It's not like you'd be able to wear it anywhere."

It was in moments like these that I realized how little Roman actually knew about girls. He was supposedly very good in bed, but with feelings and affection? He was like a very aggressive puppy with gorgeous fur-- some men you simply have to train to be soft. "I'd wear it at home," I said, reaching out to brush his messed up hair away from his green eyes. "Especially when it's stormy outside and I'm doing my homework."

Something about my words seemed to be leaving small cracks in Roman's shell-- had I not been so observant, I wouldn't have noticed the way his pupils dilated or the way his features softened as he looked at me. "Would it be a one-way thing?" he asked; was I imagining things, or did he sound shy? "You get my sweater, and I get..."  Roman propped himself up further, taking a quick glance around my room. It didn't take long before his eyes landed on the plain, black hair ties on my nightstand, and he wasted no time reaching for two in one go. "I get these."

Seeing him so serious about this exchange was too funny-- I couldn't help the giggle building in my chest, suppressing a rather obnoxious laugh. "Yeah, I think that's smart," I murmured, stroking my thumb over his cheek. "Your hair is getting a little long... Would probably make your life easier."

Roman rolled his eyes, huffing. "It's not exactly like you have anything else lying around here!"

There was no way in hell I was about to tell him that my room was this clean because I had predicted he'd come over. "Okay, but it still works," I reached for his hand, taking the ties into my palm before rolling them over his fingers, watching as the rubber bands now sat comfortably at his wrist. "There you go!" I exclaimed, beaming up at a rather perplexed Roman. "Sweater, please."

It took a few seconds for him to react-- his eyes fixated on the black rubber ties around his wrist, and before I knew it, I saw slivers of pink appearing on his cheeks. I had never seen him react to anything like this before, and I had no idea why Roman was suddenly unmistakably blushing. "Fuck," he breathed. "That's cute." 

To hide his blush, he quickly wried his sweater off his body, throwing it away on a chair nearby before burying his face in the crook of my neck again, putting his whole weight back on me. "Promise to use it for dirty stuff too," he grumbled, probably to save face, before pressing a kiss to my neck. 

I was happy Roman didn't see how brightly I was smiling-- I would've been told off immediately, and he'd most likely retract right back into his shell. It was unusual for him to accept any sort of affection, and I wondered whether he had let anyone this close before. The more I got to know Roman, the more he was sleepy and babbling around me, I realized that I had to gradually ease physical kindness into his life to make our weird whatever-ship work. 

The whatever-ship I had sacrificed everything for.

And I would've spiraled deeper into thoughts about it, but the sudden pressure I felt against my neck made me snap out of it-- I realized he was giving me a rather hefty hickey, a familiar tingling sensation coursing its way through my body. I let out a satisfied sigh, my fingers burying themselves deeper into Roman's hair as he moved elsewhere on my neck to make a second one. "These will go well with the sweater," he purred against my skin.

I held back a shiver-- The hate I had once felt for him had quickly turned into whatever this was. All I knew, was that it felt good enough to distract me from the guilt that kept gnawing at me after betraying Letha the way I did. ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

The next day at school actually marked a month since the last time Letha and I had spoken on the bleachers. A month of staring at her longingly from afar like a kicked puppy and asking our mutual friends how she was. It didn't take long before they all heard what had happened between Roman and I, and they suddenly became Letha's friends only.

I didn't know how lonely I would be after I chose Roman, and it was slowly breaking my heart. Being blacklisted by nearly all the girls at school was tough, to say the least. 

So as I rummaged around my locker, getting ready for my next class, I didn't expect Letha to approach. There was no way I could imagine she'd do that, especially after the way she had been denying all my attempts of reconciliation. But here she was, blonde hair styled to perfection, and her green, stern eyes meeting mine the second I closed my locker door.

I stared right back, at a loss for words despite opening my mouth to speak. 

Letha cleared her throat, pressing her books tightly against her chest. "It's been a month," she tried, something about her softening with the weight of her words. "I think I might be ready to... talk."

My heart jumped up like never before, immediately thrown into a feeling of ecstatic victory. "What?" I squeaked, unable to stop my beaming look of joy. "Are you serious?" 

Letha shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek to suppress her smile. "I think it's time to try, at least?--" Her words came to a halt the second I turned to face her fully, and her green eyes immediately found my neck. 

My hair had moved to behind my shoulders as I turned around, revealing the hickeys I had tried my best to cover with setting powder and foundation. It didn't take long before Letha's softening look became one of horror as she took a step back, clearly repulsed.

I immediately went into panic, piecing it together. "No, Letha, wait!--"

There was no stopping Letha before she turned on her heel, bolting down the corridor with heavy steps. 

I turned back towards my locker, pressing my forehead against it. There was no way in hell I'd let everyone see me cry in public again. It felt as though Letha had dug her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart, now squeezing it until it finally popped. My breath hitched as I stepped away from the locker, sniffling as I felt a sob build.

Just as I was about to leave and get to class somehow, the familiar scent of cinnamon entered my system. "What did Letha want?" Roman asked, his hands tucked into his pockets as he approached. His brows were drawn together in a disapproving look as he watched Letha disappear down the hallway in unmatched hurry, and I got a good glance at him when I finally turned around to face him. How long had he been watching me from afar?

Roman's glare quickly faded away when his attention shifted and he noticed the way my eyes had glossed over. His whole tough look disappeared within a sliver of a second, and I was unsure whether he noticed it himself. "... Nothing good, I see?"

I shied away from his gaze, my eyes darting down to my shoes. "She wanted to make up all until she saw... well," To demonstrate, I turned a little, showing Roman the once blank canvas which was now covered in about six hickeys that I counted last night. It was clear to me that my attempt at hiding them had failed.

Roman could only sigh, an infuriating grin now spreading across his face. "I'm going to say sorry now, but know that I don't fully mean it because... the sight of you like this is so damn hot," He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead as he took my face into his hands. I couldn't help but notice that he was still wearing my two black rubber bands just as my breath hitched at the loving gesture.

Something about the kiss made my heart skip, but another part was ripping at me; Roman clearly cared more about the fact that he had marked me than how upset I was. I hummed in response, not knowing what else to say before much later; "Don't do that,"

"Do what?"

"Don't kiss me like that," I mumbled, pressing my back against my locker to make as much space between us as possible. "Just... Don't." 

Roman's first reaction was on display with a stunned expression, up until his brows drew together in what I could only read as annoyance. "Fine," he said, teeth gritted. His hands fell down at his sides, trying to save face as he took a step away from me; "I'm just trying to make you feel a little better, it's not that fucking deep." In true Godfrey fashion, he also proceeded to storm down the hallway, clearly flustered after being shut down.

I had to take a long breath-- this was a lot to take in for one day. Roman being in denial about his feelings also didn't help much. I wanted to run after him, grab his hand and tell him that he could do absolutely whatever he wanted with me, that I'd love for him to kiss me like that once more, but I knew I couldn't.

It was hard to believe how badly I had fallen for a guy who could barely regulate his own feelings. Someone who insisted on making it apparent to everyone that I was his without actually wanting to put a name to it. I let out a sigh, watching Roman get further and further away. Something told me I maybe should've followed him, at least asked him whether he wanted to come to my place later and sleep next to each other, but my plans quickly fell apart when I witnessed the one thing I hated seeing most in the world.

In the midst of his angry storm-off, Roman managed to turn his head to allow for his eyes to follow a girl with an exceptionally short skirt passing him by. 

I wanted to throw up-- the hungry look in his eyes made me nauseous. Everything about Roman looking at someone in the way he usually looked at me made me want to burst into tears all over again. 

No matter what I felt for him, one thing would never change; I hated Roman Godfrey. I hated him and the way he made me feel like a stomped bug. Hated the way he'd look at me after he'd make me cum around his fingers, the way he'd stroke my hair away from my forehead with the gentlest touch as I fell asleep, and the way he'd insist on driving me everywhere just to spend some extra time together.

I hated him. I hated this feeling, and especially what it had done to me, my friendships, and my reputation.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

... Thoughts of my reputation went out the window now that Roman was back in my bed. Nothing suggestive, of course-- he was currently half asleep next to me. Even more heartwarming, was the fact that he still wore my two hair ties around his wrist, and I could get a proper look at him now that he was resting. I loved this feeling; we were both wearing the items we had exchanged.

"It looks good on you," he mumbled, tugging me closer with the arm he had around me. "My sweater. I thought I would hate seeing you in it, but it's not so bad."

My body was halfway on top of his, and I couldn't help but giggle as he pressed me closer to his chest. "Why did you think you'd hate it?" I adored the feeling of being completely engulfed in Roman-- the lingering scent of his perfume stuck to the gigantic sweater I was in, and his big arms around me made all my pain feel worth it. 

All up until Roman hummed, eyes still closed as his hands raked through my hair; "You wearing my stuff makes it real... Like you're mine. I don't know whether I want that responsibility,"

I could only sigh, unsure whether I should let my heart sink just yet. Sometimes, it was best to dig around in Roman's mud of a brain before settling for the version he wanted me to believe. "So you would be okay if I was with someone else?"

Roman opened one eye, glancing down at me as he raised a brow. "Are you with someone else?"

"... No,"

"Would you want to be?"

What an odd question; one he didn't need to know the truth of. "Would you care if I did?"

Roman opened his second eye, now scouring my face to check for cracks in my facade. Something told me he wasn't buying it, but that he wasn't about to take any chances. Eventually, he scoffed, rolling his eyes before closing them again; "Fuck off,"

"Fuck off yourself," I mumbled, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I tried to dull out the fact that his arm automatically wrapped itself tighter around me before I spoke once more; "Answer the question."

"Why?" Roman shifted, pulling my whole body on top of his, letting out a satisfied sigh now that all of my weight was laid on him. "It's a stupid question. Why can't we just enjoy this moment?"

He had a point, sure-- I just didn't deem it enough. "I hope you remember that I have a lot on the line here," I placed my hands next to his head, pushing myself up to get a proper look at him. Roman eventually opened his big, green eyes, and they quickly rounded out as they met mine. Everything about looking into his eyes made me want to squeal and pepper him with kisses; this was dangerous territory. I knew had to pull myself together; "I have, like... zero friends because of this. Because I chose you. And you not wanting to take on that responsibility or whatever it was that you called it, makes me feel like crap. You make me feel like crap." 

It was clear that Roman was holding his breath without thinking about it. He stared up at me, unsure what to say; "... All the time?"

"What?"

"Do I make you feel like crap all the time?"

That was certainly a way to spin it-- taken aback, I furrowed my brows as I pondered the question. "Not... all the time, no,"

Roman hummed; he seemed content with that answer. "I know you're upset about the whole Letha thing," he said, his big hands traveling down to grab at my hips as he shifted me to sit in his lap. "I also see that I'm not exactly helping the situation, but... you can't keep blaming me for your decision."

"... Okay," His request was simple enough-- I was ready to adhere to his wishes. "But then you have to say it out loud."

"Say what?"

"That you like me,"

I watched as Roman's eyes widened, his grip on my hips tightening. His whole body tensed up, unsure whether to speak or not. It was clear that he was conflicted about how to tread forward, and I held my breath the second his plush lips parted. Roman sat up, his back now supported by my headboard. Like this, I was sat in his lap with my arms draped around his neck, and he connected our foreheads with a sigh. Roman's words eventually came out like a slow, warm whisper; "I don't know what I feel," 

It felt as though my heart had lodged itself into my throat-- what? I was about to start arguing with him, cursing him out for dragging me through the mud for nothing, all until Roman suddenly reached for my hand. He placed my palm over his heart, his eyes finding mine as he steadied his breathing. "I don't know what I feel," he echoed. "But I know that looking at you makes my heart beat faster. Feel how hard it's going?" He pressed my hand further up against his chest, something about his touch giving away the sincere nature of this gesture. I hadn't seen Roman doing anything this romantic before, and everything was practically perfect all up until he opened his dumb teenage mouth; "I'm serious. It usually only beats like this when I look at pictures of Sydney Sweeney in a swimsuit."

That's it-- I groaned and ripped my hand out of his grip. "Okay, that's enough. You need to leave, it's almost midnight," In an attempt to climb off him, I almost made it out of his lap before his hands grabbed my hips once more, forcing me back down as I yelped. My eyes widened as they met Roman's, watching his signature smirk spread across his lips. 

"Where do you think you're going in my sweater?" he purred, suppressing a chuckle. "My sweater, my rules. Give me a kiss before I leave, at least."

I huffed as I snaked my arms around his neck, feeling his hot breath against my lips. "And why should I kiss you?"

"Because you want to?" Roman didn't care to try to suppress his grin, gently nudging my nose with his as his grip on my waist tightened. His voice dropped, getting airy as he whispered against my lips; "You want to so bad."

Everything about him made the butterflies in my stomach flutter-- it didn't help that his hair was tousled in a classic heartbreaker look, along with how ridiculously soft his lips suddenly looked. 

Roman definitely noticed the reddening of my cheeks, concluding why I had gone mute. "Don't be like that," he teased, not doing a good job with hiding his amusement. "Just kiss me first, for once. Have you noticed that you never initiate anything?"

I held my breath-- "I just... don't know what I'm doing," My confession was unexpected, but it felt nice to get it off my chest. "I don't want you to think I'm clueless."

"But you are?" Roman's chuckle was one of mischief as his hands shamelessly trailed down my body, now grabbing my ass as he pushed me closer to him. "It's not a bad thing. Just means I can program you to my liking."

I didn't even act as though I wanted his hands off of me, giving in to his antics. Something about the way he was holding me made me feel awfully warm-- maybe it was time to take off the sweater? "Tell me what you like, then," I purred, putting my hands on his chest. I figured that if I had gone down this route, I'd continue my path with conviction. 

Roman's smirk only grew, letting out a breathy laugh against my lips as he gave my ass a firm squeeze. "That's my girl," he cooed. "We'll start simple." He nudged his nose against mine once more, his lips parting before his words came out in a hot whisper against mine; "Kiss me."

His words were too alluring to deny-- I leaned forward, my hands carefully laying against his broad shoulder as I kissed him. A sigh of satisfaction escaped Roman, who immediately dug his hands into the flesh of my behind to tug me closer. Everything about the way he was reacting to me reminded me of our first date, and the way he had held and kissed me in the alley when we were hiding from Letha. 

The kiss was slow, almost lazy; something about the moonlight hitting us was making it more intense. It mostly consisted of small, loving pecks, and many pauses to simply smile against one another. I wondered whether he had ever kissed anyone like this before, with a softness I didn't see in him very often. 

It was hard to believe that this was the same guy that had me running around scared for him to prick me with needles. The only thing pricking me right now was the hardening of Roman's cock beneath me. With every twitch, every time his hands dug into my hips in an attempt to grind me against him, I could only grin into the kiss. There wasn't exactly anything sexual about this kiss, but he would always get hard from the smallest little things-- I couldn't help but find pride in it. At least this was another confirmation that he wanted me.

Roman eventually grew frustrated, now trying to rut up against me just for any sort of friction. With that, I grabbed the headboard, raising myself with my knees so that he wouldn't succeed. As he groaned, I had to bite down on my growing smile; the look on his gorgeous face was too damn thrilling.

Roman's eyes were round, his chest sinking with a shaky exhale as a rosy flush lingered in his cheeks. "Anything," he breathed. "Just give me anything. I'll take it."

"Anything?" I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at; "What do you mean?"

His hands grabbed at my waist, signalizing that he wanted me to sit down on his arousal once more-- perhaps that felt like a relief in itself? Roman stared up at me through his brows, his fingers digging into my flesh. "I'm not asking you for sex. I'm being nice. So I'm saying I'll take anything you'll give me... Even the smallest thing," He leaned forward, pressing a wet kiss against my neck which had me losing my breath within seconds, now whispering against my skin; "Just touch me." Roman's needy kisses trailed up my neck, jaw, and cheeks until his breath was hot against my ear. "However you want. Don't be shy, try it out."

Something told me that Roman was secretly into me being a virgin, after all this time of making fun of me for it. However, I wasn't about to say no to the opportunity to explore with the Roman Godfrey, and I eventually sat back down on his arousal, my cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red at the sound of his muffled grunt. 

My hands went up into his soft hair, pressing a kiss against his temple as my fingers stroked through his locks. "There's one thing I might want to try..."

Roman turned to nip at my jaw, his hands traveling back down to my ass. "Go for it,"

I didn't want to give him time to change his mind; my hand in his hair tightened, pulling him away from me with an unexpected roughness. I was about to apologize until I noticed the way Roman closed his eyes, and the way his lips parted in what looked like pleasure. It suddenly dawned on me that he might be the type to like a little pain, not only cause it. However, I wasn't ready to explore that at the moment-- I had another thought to attend to. 

Roman's head lolled back against the headboard as I leaned down to kiss his neck, and it was clear to me that he was enjoying himself. It was only when his fingers dug themselves back into the flesh of my behind that I got the confidence to pull through with my original plan; I sucked down on a particular spot, hard enough to leave a mark.

I didn't need to see his face to know that Roman's eyes were wide open with the realization of what was happening. I was ready for him to push me away, tell me off, tell me to stop-- but his arms only wrapped around me, pulling me closer in a swift motion that had me grinding up against his hard cock, and Roman let out a sigh of pleasure as he let himself be marked with a blooming hickey. 

Something told me I had to be somewhat special for him to allow me to do such a thing, and it quickly dawned on me that I had never felt this happy with anyone before, despite his shortcomings. 

I liked Roman more than I had ever liked anyone before, and I had an inkling that he felt the same. Who knew something so simple could feel so incredibly good?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Knowing I had Roman wrapped around my finger, despite him not being able to properly say it out loud, had me floating around in my own little bubble. Everything concerning Letha suddenly felt irrelevant, and it wasn't taking up as much space in my mind as before. All I could think about was the way Roman had smiled at me as he passed me in the hall, the red hickey on the side of his neck peeking out past his shirt. The cherry on top of it were the two hair ties he still wore around his wrist-- he was enjoying this, wasn't he?

However, I was yanked back into the absolute shitshow I had caused for myself concerning my girlfriends later that same day.

My previous friends had never done anything more than glare at me from across the hall. Maybe the occasional overdramatic huff when they passed me, an extra eye-roll my way, and so I did my best to not pay it any mind. 

Which is why I was so shocked when the proceeding followed. 

It didn't bother me to sit alone at lunch-- not anymore, at least. I wasn't about to reach out to Roman to ask where he was and whether I could join him either; but just as I picked up my phone, ready put away my nerves and text him, my gaze was diverted from the screen and to the three girls that sat down in front of me.

I held my breath, my eyes widening with the realization that my previous best friends were staring at me with the nastiest looks I had probably ever seen.

Oh no.

Breathing deeply, I did my best to harden my gaze and keep my guard up. "What do you want, Jasmine?" I asked, putting my phone down on the table as I stared down the girl in the middle. Jasmine was the one I had liked the least in our friend group, and I wasn't surprised that she was the one to take action-- the rest of the girls always followed her like dogs, and it had always made me sick; especially now that they were sitting by her like docile animals.

Jasmine cleared her throat, leaning further over the table in an attempt to intimidate me; "We're just here to make you aware of something,"

"Which is...?"

Taken aback by my lack of reaction, Jasmine's eye twitched just slightly as the girls next to her grew more and more uncomfortable. "Letha told me what she saw on your neck. And sitting this close to you, I see it too... Do you not understand how it makes you look?"

There was no way for me to hold back my sarcasm; "How does it make me look? Do indulge, Jas," I couldn't even hold back my grimace at this point. "Why does it even matter to you?"

Jasmine's eye twitched once more, and she slammed her hands against the table with a loud thud. "What upsets Letha, upsets me! I'm just glad I found out what kind of person you truly are, and it brings me immense joy to realize everyone is starting to catch on to the truth as well!"

Despite how hard I attempted to stay neutral, unaffected, and unfazed, I couldn't do anything about the way my heart sunk. I couldn't even muster up anything to counter Jasmine's words, taken aback by the bluntness of my previous friend.

"Letha really wanted to reconcile, do you know that?" Jasmine continued, an evil snicker building in her throat. "But it's fucking disgusting that you walk around like you're proud to be fucking Roman Godfrey, especially when you know how much you've hurt her. Fucking traitor!"

Before I could protest, she reached for my phone which I had left unattended. There was barely any time to pry it out of Jasmine's hands before she stood up and smashed it into the table, the rest of her posse scurrying away from the table before the pieces of glass could hit them. I didn't have to look to know that the whole cafeteria was watching this scene play out; it was only when I heard gasps coming from around us that I truly realized the extent of what had happened.

As the glass from my phone had bounced off the table, the sharp pieces flying in every direction, I had covered my face with my hands. So, when I slowly pried them away from my eyes, turning them around to identify where the stinging of my skin was coming from, my eyes fell on the three pieces of glass lodged into the back of my hands. It wasn't too deep, not enough to scar or cause real damage, but damn-- it burned like crazy. 

With tears in my eyes, I watched as Jasmine snickered, clearly unaffected by the fact that she had caused me physical harm; "We're ready to make your life a living hell," she hissed. "That'll show you. Fucking whore."

Something inside me broke. Usually, I would've fought back, I would've said something-- but I froze. Completely. I had never felt anything like this, the mix of both physical and mental pain turning me to stone.

Fuck. Was this truly how everyone saw me? Nothing more than one of Roman's countless whores?

I knew this would haunt me for the following weeks to come, and I couldn't fight the way my mind shut down. The need to get away overcame me; with shaky steps, I got up from my table, realizing I was about to leave school despite the day not being finished. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had avoided Roman like the plague for the rest of the day-- I was almost as broken as my phone. I held the pieces in my hands under the dim lights of my desk in my room, nudging the glass around on the table. My phone had completely shattered, now just a heap of technology I held onto for the sake of nostalgia in a deep state of shock.

I kept glancing at my hands, my fingers ghosting over the three thin cuts that had parted my skin. They were thankfully not that grotesque to look at, and I was quite sure I could play it off as a scratch from a particularly large cat if anyone asked. 

Or... so I hoped. 

I wondered whether Letha knew about what had happened. Did she condone it? Had she been the one who ordered Jasmine and her gang to mess with me? Everything about this situation made my head spin-- Choosing Roman might've been the wrong decision. I kept thinking about an alternative universe in which I had never asked him to kiss me in the first place, or one where I had told Letha about my feelings for her cousin before it was too late.

It dawned on me that I had mostly likely made the wrong choice-- how was I supposed to deal with this?

Just as I was about to toss the remnants of my phone into the nearby bin, I heard a few knocks at my window which made me turn towards the sound. There he was, the last rays of today's sunlight making the bronze hues in his hair shine through; Roman tapped against the glass once more, eyes round with an emotion I couldn't piece together from afar.

I walked towards the window and opened it, leaning against the frame as I spoke; "What are you doing here?" My tone was sharper than expected-- seeing him didn't exactly make me feel any better.

"You haven't answered my messages," Roman didn't seem to be in a hurry about getting off my roof, making himself comfortable by sitting down by the window. "All day. Radio silence. I'm not really used to that from you, so... just checking to see whether you're having a stroke or something."

I did my best not to roll my eyes; "A stroke?"

"I don't know?" Roman shrugged, his green eyes never leaving mine. "What other explanation is there for a girl not answering me?"

I grimaced as I watched his expression. It was impossible to push down the intense feelings of frustration when I looked at him, all my love for him manifesting back to its usual hate-- I wouldn't have been in this situation if I hadn't met him. This was technically just as much his fault as mine. 

Why did he look so confused? It suddenly hit me that he was being dead serious; he didn't get it at all. He genuinely couldn't find another reason for my absence. "Oh," was what I managed to say, clearing my throat as I sat down on the window sill. "Have you not heard?" 

Roman blinked twice, clearly lost as he looked up at me. "Heard what?"

My eyes darted down to my hands, which I had covered with the sleeves of Roman's sweater without even thinking about it. "I thought everyone would be talking about it," I mumbled. "I guess that's a relief, then."

"What are you talking about?" The green of his eyes nearly swallowed me, and I found a tiny trace of genuine concern behind them, so miniscule I could barely notice it. "What happened?"

I wanted to disappear into a heap of nothing; it was so embarrassing that I had let this happen. My pride was definitely trying to choke the life out of me. "My phone broke," I breathed, automatically reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt out of nervous habit-- I felt my cheeks flush, nervous to be revisiting the moment that had haunted me all day.

Roman's brows furrowed, unsure how to react; "You made it sound like something really bad had happened. I could buy you a new one, no problem," He watched me pick at the sweatshirt, now reaching out for my hands to stop my destructive fidgeting.

I let out the breath I had been holding the second our fingers intertwined, feeling the roughness of his hands against mine. My eyes rested on the black hair ties he still wore around his wrist, a blooming warmth igniting in my chest and wading through all my anger. I was so swept up in the moment, comforted by the way he squeezed my hands twice, that I didn't catch the moment the sleeves of the sweater bunched up and revealed the cuts on the back of my hands. "You don't need to buy me a new phone, don't be ridiculous," I said, watching a single strand of his brown hair slowly fall over his eyes as he glanced down. "I'd feel bad--"

"What's this?" Roman's grip around my hands tightened, now bringing them up to his face. 

It felt as though my breath had gotten lodged in my throat as I watched Roman's widening green eyes scan the surface of my hands. His brows drew together once more, thumbs swiping over the unhealed wounds. The touch made me hiss, attempting to get out of his grip, but to no avail. "It's the neighbour's cat," I tried. "I bent down to pet it, and--"

"This is not from a cat," Roman's gaze darted up to meet mine, suddenly a lot more intense than usual. "I'll ask you again, what happened?"

I tried to squirm out of his hold once more; "It's not important, Roman... Forget it, please. Actually, I'm going to have to ask you to leave--"

"Tell me,"

"No, seriously, drop it! Can't you just go?!--"

Roman's grip around my hands tightened further, almost to the point of making me wince. "Tell me," His pupils widened at an eerie rate, transfixed on mine. It felt as though his words were echoing through my head, and it didn't take long before I suddenly felt as though my inner monologue froze over.

And before I knew it, my mouth had a mind of its own; "They broke my phone,"

"Who?"

I really, really tried to fight it. Getting Roman involved in this drama was certainly not ideal, and I did my best to push away the urge to tell him; why was it so strong, all of a sudden? It almost felt as though he was controlling my mind, but it was ridiculous to even think so-- that was obviously impossible. Right? 

I eventually got around to answering; "Jasmine," 

"... Who?" Roman was beginning to sound like a really confused owl.

"Jasmine," I echoed. "Letha's friend. She brought a few girls over to my table and smashed my phone. Called me a whore."

Roman was silent for a few seconds, his face going unnaturally blank. "These cuts are from your phone?"

"Yeah,"

"And she did it because you're with me?"

"... Yeah," Did he just insinuate that we were together? I held my breath, unsure why my mouth wasn't adhering to my orders-- I so desperately wanted to point it out, but I physically couldn't. What on earth was happening?

Roman hummed, his grip around my hands loosening. "What else did she say?"

I blinked several times in an attempt to get out of the trance-like state I found myself in, but nothing seemed to be working as long as Roman's gaze was locked on me. "She said she's gonna make my life a living hell," As I sniffled, I realized tears were pooling in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, shaking my head to try to snap out of it once more. "I- It's fine, though." It dawned on me that the trick was to not look at him-- I finally started feeling like myself again. "I just need to talk to Letha and check out the options for a truce, or whatever."

As I dared to open my eyes, I watched his blank face. Something about the lack of reaction was unsettling, on the border of uncomfortable, and it almost made me want to squirm. It was in this silence that a thick, red drop of blood suddenly made its way down Roman's nose, and he didn't react when it met his lips. It was almost as though he had frozen to his place on my roof, and I couldn't remember the last time he had blinked.

My eyes widened, concern filling my body. "You're bleeding," I breathed, trying to get my hands out of his. "Let me get something for you, Roman, it's gonna run down to your shirt!--"

Abruptly, he got up with a quickness I hadn't seen in him before, still not saying a word. Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice it-- the hickey on the right side of his throat. One he wasn't even trying to cover up. Despite how much Roman kept denying wanting to be with me, here he was, getting up to do God knows what whilst quite literally baring my mark on his skin.

I watched him, my brows drawing together in complete and utter confusion. "Roman?" Calling out his name didn't seem to do anything; he let the stream of blood run down his chin, now dripping down onto his shirt. I could only look up at him, unsure why he was acting like this.

Finally, Roman spoke; "Living hell, you say?" His voice was low, threatening-- it was suddenly clear to me that he had gotten a very dark idea.

These sorts of proclamations coming from a guy who had an affinity for pricking girls with needles genuinely concerned me. I got up from the window sill, ready to climb out onto the roof to join him. "Come on, Roman, let's just talk!--"

It was as though he was on auto-control, rushing to the edge of the roof before turning around to climb down. My heart beat hard in my chest as I nearly lunged out of my window, hoping to reach him in time. "Hey, where are you going?!" 

I didn't make it-- Roman had already managed to land on the grass beneath him, his long limbs an apparent advantage, and he was now storming down my lawn towards his car. 

"Roman!" I yelled, crouching down on the edge of my roof; this was definitely not looking good. My mind kept racing as I gave up trying to catch up to him, burying my face in my hands. 

I was screwed. I was so screwed. 

(a/n: check out PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10 if you haven't!! thank you for reading, more to come!!<33)

[kiss-inthekitchen]

favorite insomniac | spencer reid

a little warm-up exercise i just finished <3 you can't sleep, so you decide to call the only other person you know who would be awake at this hour. ~500 words

You don’t get insomnia. Usually, you fall asleep quickly and easily, and then devolve into any number of nightmares or vivid dreams or somethings that cause to you wake up feeling like you hadn’t slept at all. 

Obviously not great. But not insomnia.

Tonight, however, is not a usual night.

You roll over once again, after what feels like hours but is probably only twenty minutes of lying as still as possible and trying to will your body to be tired. You check the time on your phone; 3:14 AM. 

Ugh. You have to be at work in less than 6 hours, awake in less than 5. Closer to 4, if you want to actually look presentable. 

You groan, scrubbing your hands over your face and barely resisting the urge to start punching your pillows. 

And then you give up. 

There’s one insomniac you know who’s got a pretty good chance of being awake right now. You've dialed the number before you can even think about it. The line rings once, and you realize what an inappropriate, quite possibly disrespectful choice this had been. You’re about to hang up, hovering over the red button, when you hear him. 

“Hey,” he says, voice raspy. 

Oh god, oh god. “Please tell me I didn’t wake you up.” 

“No,” Spencer chuckles bitterly, “You didn’t. What’s wrong?” 

“I can’t sleep?” 

His eyebrows raise halfway to his hairline. “So you called me?” 

You and Spencer are coworkers. You’re friends. You just don’t really hang out much outside of work and work-related events. Not that you haven’t wanted to, you just… don’t really know how. Or if you should. Or if it would be particularly smart. 

“I’m so sorry. I figured if anyone was liable to be awake right now, it’d be… I wasn’t thinking. I’ll let you go, I’m–” 

“Hey, it’s alright,” he says, amused. You’re the only person he ever gets the opportunity to calm down; he’s usually the most nervous person in the room. “This doesn’t usually happen to you though, does it?” 

“No,” you huff, flopping back against your pillows. “I’d ask you for tips, but whatever you’re doing clearly isn’t working.” 

“That’s nice.” 

“Am I wrong?” 

“No, you’re not wrong.” 

You make a self-satisfied little “hmph” sound. 

“What did you call me for then?” 

Something in the timbre of his voice makes your heart speed up. “I don’t know, human connection across the ether that is 3 AM?” The sense that you’re the only two people in the universe. The sound of his voice. Not that you could say that part out loud.

“Wanna go for a drive?”

Huh? “Wh– We have work in, like, 5 hours.” 

“Oh, you haven’t been counting, have you?”

“You mean like thinking ‘if I fall asleep right now at this moment I could get 5 hours of sleep’ but then I still don’t fall asleep and I watch the minutes go by until it’s only 4 and a half hours and then I get angry at myself for being awake and then I’m somehow even more awake?” 

He chuckles, dark and rich through the phone. “The classic trap. Never count the hours.” 

“Now you tell me.” 

“Alright,” he grunts, and you hear him shuffling around, “I’m picking you up.”

“You're what?!"

"I'm picking you up," his voice lilts up, almost like a question. But not like he's asking for permission, more like he's teasing you. Like he knows your answer anyway.

"Now? You have a car?” 

“Yes, now. And yes, I have a car,” you hear jingling on the other end. “You’re gonna like it.”

[commandershepardvasfuckit]

An Arranged Marriage, part 28

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27

1.4k words

A much calmer Zen has a lot to unload.

(I am feral over my own character, ask box is always open for talking about my writing or just monster fucking in general!)

--------

Zen’s fluffy, shaggy hair tickled your nose as he stirred a bit and woke you. In the nearly two months you had been together you could not recall a single time when he slept in, seeing him still in bed was quite a surprise.

You kissed the top of his head and immediately felt him nuzzle against you, though you were not really sure if he was actually awake or if it was a subconscious reaction. His breathing was deep and even, and he seemed much calmer at least.

“Are you awake?” you whispered.

He nodded, apparently still not feeling quite up to speaking.

“Are you alright?”

Again he just nodded.

“Everything is alright my dear, I promise” you scratched the side of his head where his hair was cropped short, the only spot where you really could get through his dense hair to scratch his scalp.

“I ruined everything” his voice was so quiet as he spoke.

“No, no. You didn’t ruin anything Zen.”

“I hurt you the first time yesterday, then I went and did that.”

“And it’s ok, things happen, but you didn’t ruin anything.”

He stayed quiet and did not acknowledge you.

“I’m not mad or upset or anything” you tried to assure him, “I’m just worried about you, I just want you to be alright,”

“I am upset at myself.”

“I know” you kissed the top of his head again, “and we’ll figure it out together, I promise.”

That seemed to at least somewhat satisfy him, he gave another little nuzzle against you and you swore for just a moment that you heard him purr.

“How about I make us some breakfast? You’ve got to be starving by now, you never sleep this late” you offered.

“You are not good at cooking.”

“Then come sit with me and tell me what to do and keep me company.”

He nodded and shimmed off of you so you could get up.

Zen stuck at your side as you sat at the hearth, a blanket still wrapped around himself and his chin resting on your shoulder while he watched you closely. With a little guidance you were able to make a serviceable enough breakfast for the two of you.

It was a bit smothering how Zen chose to sit behind and a bit to your side so he could lean his chin on your shoulder. He decided to eat breakfast like that too, his arms wrapped around you as he reached for things, restricting how much you could move but you did not have the heart to try to get him to just sit next to you instead.

“It should not be like this” you heard him say softly.

“I know, but this is where we are, and we can go back to taking things slowly” you leaned against him and nuzzled him a bit, “and if it makes you feel any better, you felt incredible last night. But I can wait while we figure things out.”

He buried his face against your neck as best he could with his tusks getting in the way. It was faint, but you could hear his soft purring for just a moment.

“I am just so tired of waiting. I waited for so long for this war to end so I could just go home. And now instead I am here, where I barely get to speak my own tongue, my festivals are not celebrated here. I fought so one day I could go home, and I still cannot. And now I do not want to wait more to have you.”

It never occurred to you that Zen might be homesick. You knew he was not from the city, but he usually seemed happy. He knew so many people, always stopping to smile and chat with when the two of you were out, he knew his way around the city well, everything always seemed fine anyways.

“Have you gone back to visit recently?” you asked.

“Not since the end of the war. I went home to see everyone, and then almost immediately got summoned here and offered the position.”

Six months then you figured at least since he had been home. Six months since Zen had started living somewhere where everything was new and different, where he did not have his family, where he could almost never speak his own language. The irony that neither of you were home here was not lost on you.

“Why not go visit?” you asked.

“I do not have the time. There is just to much to do here” he said.

“Even just for a week or so?”

“We are rebuilding after a war. It is a puzzle of constantly changing and moving pieces trying to figure out what is needed and where.”

“And no one on the council ever takes time away?”

“Some do.”

“So why don’t you?”

He stayed quiet, his face still buried against neck.

“We can go visit together, if you want” you said.

“Maybe.”

‘Maybe’ was better than ‘no’ at least you figured. Though it felt odd that for someone who seemed to be homesick to also be so resistant to visiting home.

“I haven’t met any of your family, well except Bira. I think it would be nice if we went and visited.”

“I did not tell my family I got married.”

You pulled away from him just enough to look him in the eye, “What?”

“It was decided pretty fast, and at the time it did not seem like a big deal, so I did not say anything.”

“Zen! We’ve been married for almost two months! What do you mean you never actually told your family? When you found out you were getting married you didn’t send them a letter or anything?!” you could not believe what he was saying.

“I was told I was getting married in a month’s time, but at the time I did not consider it real. It was just another thing I had to do. It did not seem worth making a big deal of and getting my family involved.”

You really were not surprised that it was not something he made a fuss over, he already had told you that arranged marriages were not a thing here, it was just another duty to him on par with anything else really. But it did surprise you that months after he still had not told his family.

“So they really don’t know?” you asked.

“No, just Ba and Bira, and I asked them not say anything.”

“And you’re sure they haven’t said anything?”

“If my mother knew I was married and she was not here for the wedding she would have made the trip here to yell at me in person by now. I would never hear the end of it.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to somehow never tell your family that you’re married?” you snapped a bit at him.

“No! No” he tried to press his forehead to yours, frantically tugging at you so he could face you and reach you. “I just do not know what to do now.”

“Tell your family” you answered him flatly.

“I know, but now I do not know how to do that now. I do not want to just show up and surprise them, ‘Hi mother, I have not seen you in months. By the way this is my wife, we have been married for two months and I never told you’ because that will go well.”

“Why not send a letter? Just explain the same thing you told me” you suggested. His family would probably still be annoyed, but at least it would help smooth things over.

“It is not easy to send a letter that far” he protested.

“So you would rather just show up and surprise them?”

“No.”

“Then send a letter.”

He sighed and nuzzled his forehead against yours, “I will send a letter.”

“And perhaps we’ll visit for the next festival?”

“Maybe.”

“You can’t avoid your family forever.”

“Not forever, just long enough to not be yelled at too much.”

“Zen” you pushed back.

“We will go for the next festival” he finally conceded.

--------

Part 29

Tag list

@blushycadaver @mochalyluv @hazyspacefairy @littlelovebug98 @tufflepuff23 @lets-imagineastory @emonatural191 @after-laughter-come-tears @plathsotherib @krayziee @zaqnette @graveblanketgreen @lovingbadguys @nogoatsnoglori @bunnibabylilly

[jezabelle9299]

Morning Sunshine S.R x fem! Reader

Overture- Sleepy Spencer x Morning person fem! Reader. They're sharing a room, and he has no idea how you're so lovely this early.

Cws- Exhaustion

A/N-Wow, before it's even midnight--I'm practically productive. Day 17, I'm very excited. This is shorter, but I do kind of really like this idea.

If you'd like to read the other things I've done this month you can do that here: October Masterlist

**************************

By Day 4 of this practically endless case, morale was at an all time low. The small motel had enough rooms for everyone for the first 3 days of the case, but now it was the weekend and they were nearly packed. And of course Spencer’s luck had him stuck with the woman he couldn’t get out of his head for months now, in some cosmic joke where he’s trapped with quite possibly the love of his life–sleeping four feet away from him in a different bed. 

Of course it wasn’t actually a matter of fate, just a gentle push from JJ.

He stayed behind at the police station until he was sure you’d be asleep, then he muddled back to your shared room thanking every deity he could name that you were fast asleep. Only to thank each of them again at his exhaustion allowing him to just pass out without thinking himself into a panic just by being near you. 

You however were just a little bit overjoyed when Hotch was handing out the second round of room keys. Packing cuter pajamas was no longer an option, but you were still looking forward to Spencer being the last person you saw after this terrible day. If only he was actually there. You honestly assumed he decided to just sleep in Derek’s room to avoid you– a thought that hurt your feelings more than you’d like to admit. 

When Spencer did wake up to the lovely sound of his alarm screaming at him, he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was you. He knew you were a morning person, but he never expected this. It was barely 5am, and you were bopping around in front of the mirror, headphones on, applying makeup while singing along quietly to yourself. He watched you for a moment, only drawing your attention when he sat up and you caught his reflection.

“Good morning” You looked at him in the mirror, and even though your makeup was only halfway done, he still thought you were utterly gorgeous. His first thought was how beautiful you were, but his exhausted brain couldn’t form a singular other thought yet. But you thought he was adorable, with his hair lovingly disheveled.

“It’s so early.” He knew you had been getting as little sleep as he had, barely 5 hours for 4 days in a row. How on Earth were you awake, up, and nice at this hour?

“You could probably go back to sleep for a few more minutes, we aren’t supposed to meet until 6:30.”

“No it’s ok, I usually like to read and drink my coffee before I have to get back to work. But what are you doing up so early?” He slumped over forwards, burying his face in his hands to rub his eyes. When he finally sat back up, he was reaching around to grab his glasses off the hotel nightstand, and you had to fight to keep from swooning.

“I was going to go get breakfast before we have to meet up with everyone, you can come with me if you want? I saw this place on the way here, it’s only like a block away. You can even bring your book, and I won’t bug you. I know not everyone’s chatty in the morning.”  You turned your attention back to your own reflection, and he hated the assumption that he would just ignore you over breakfast. Even if he hadn’t slept at all, he’d want to talk to you.

“I’ve been told I’m chatty all the time. Well chatty isn’t usually the word used, but that’s the sentiment–I’d love to go to breakfast with you.” 

“I like listening to you talk, for the record. But I’m going to finish up with my makeup while you get ready, ok?” 

“Ok.” He made no move to get ready, only starting to lean back further against the headboard. You had extra time this morning, but not quite that much. 

“That may require getting out of bed.”

“Ok.” He still made no move to get up, and you just laughed. He had to get up eventually, but you’d let him stay there if he felt like it. You could be a few minutes late for the morning briefing.

[sinnersweets]

DogDay x Reader part 5

<----- part 4, part 6 ——->

A/N: 2k words this time! Enjoy!!

As I laid in bed, I couldn’t seem to get DogDay out of my thoughts. I knew today would be a hard day for him since Darla was leaving Playcare. To him it probably felt like his kid was being taken away from him. The longer I started to think about it the more I thought about myself in his position. Yes, I’ve only been working there for a week but already I have a close connection with Damian. As I thought of Damian, I turned on my phone to see my lock screen. I changed it to the picture I took of his drawing yesterday. I looked at the time and saw that I had extra time before my alarm went off for work. I decided to head to the store and pick out a card for DogDay. 

--------------- 

Sitting in the cable car I started writing a heartfelt message for DogDay until on the TV a cartoon started to play. Odd. Usually music would play but this time I guess they wanted to change it up. “S-M-I-L-E every day!” I watched as the intro to Smiling Critters played out. I haven’t seen any of the episodes, but Damian did tell me about the show. I smiled when DogDay appeared on screen. He looked just like his cartoon version but tall and life like.  

“DogDay says ‘When you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours!’” The screen went black as the cable car came to a stop. That was a cute cartoon. I tucked the card away and stepped out of the cable car and headed to my office. 

--------------- 

I opened my door and saw DogDay was laying down on his bed looking sad until he saw me and sat up with a smile on his face. “Angel!” I shut the door behind me and set my bag down onto my desk. “Morning DogDay. Did you sleep well?” I went over to him and gave him a hug around his neck. He rested his head on my body and sighed. “Not really Angel. Anytime a kid from my group gets adopted I always get so sad.” I moved one of my hands behind one of his ears and started to scratch him there.  

DogDays tail started to wag, and he started thumping his foot. "No need for sorrow, let joy appear, with your Angel near, all troubles disappear." I sang out to him. DogDay pulled away and looked at me with such awe. “Did my Angel just sing for me?” I laughed a little nervously. “Yes?” I was quickly brought into a hug and could see his tail wagging faster. “I can’t believe I had the pleasure of hearing my Angel sing for me! Hearing you sing has made me feel much better.” I hugged him around his neck and laughed. “I’m glad to hear that.” He brought me back down onto the ground but his face was pretty close to mine. “Could you sing for me again Angel?” “Tell you what, anytime you’re feeling down I’ll sing for you okay?” “Okay!”  

--------------- 

Me and DogDay oversaw decorating the outside of Home Sweet Home for Darla, so we started with streamers. I was on the roof while DogDay wrapped some streamers around the railing. “Be careful Angel.” I heard DogDay call out to me. “Relax, I used to climb onto roofs all the time when I was little to see the sunrise; I’m a pro.” I saw him chuckle and shake his head. We both went back to decorating. 

After a while the house was decked out with streamers and balloons. “Looks great Angel! Now come on down so we can head into the Playhouse for today.” DogDay held the ladder steady waiting for me. I started to slide down to the ladder but then heard a notification from my phone. I went to go check my phone but felt that my phone wasn’t in my pocket anymore. I looked around and saw that it was just a few feet in front of me. “Hang on I need to get my phone.” I scooted back up and reached over to my phone. I picked it up and turned it over to see the notification but instead saw a little spider on the screen. “AH!” I dropped my phone so fast and started to scoot backwards as fast as possible. In doing so I scooted all the way to the edge of the roof and slipped off. “I gotcha Angel!” DogDay pushed the ladder away barely catching me in time. The weight of my fall and him not expecting to catch me made him fall onto the ground while I landed right on top of him. 

DogDay groaned as he sat up and rested his front paws behind him. My face was buried into DogDays chest. Thankfully when he caught me his pendant moved out of the way. “Are you alright Angel? What happened?” I pushed myself off his chest but was still sitting on top of him. “I’m so sosososo sorry! There was a spider on my phone, and I hate spiders- and I freaked out but I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” “I’m fine Angel. Glad that I caught you.”  

“Woah- Am I interrupting something?” Me and DogDay both turned our heads to see KickenChicken grinning down on us. I saw how I was sitting on DogDay and blushed super hard. I quickly got off him and brushed myself off. “Nononono we were just um- putting up decorations for Darla!” DogDay got up after me and stepped in front of me a little. “KC why aren’t you with your group?” DogDay sounded cheerful but also a little annoyed that he was here. “Relax DD. I have extra time to spare and was making my way to the school until a phone out of nowhere smacks me on the head.” In his hand was my phone. “Oh gosh I’m so sorry about that KickenChicken. Thank you for picking it up.” I went to go reach for my phone, but DogDay had taken it from him. 

It was silent for a few seconds before KickenChicken spoke. “Didn’t mean to interrupt your guy’s...uh thing...Welp I’ll go ahead and take my leave.” KickenChicken started to walk away before turning his head back and saying, “See ya later, Angel.” As he walked away, I heard DogDay start to growl. I put my hand on his paw, and he stopped and looked down at me. “Hey what's wrong?” “Hearing him call you Angel...it sounded weird coming from him. I didn’t like that.” Was he jealous? I couldn’t help but smile at him. “Don’t worry, hearing him call me that doesn’t give me the same feeling as when you do it.” I immediately froze up after what just came out of my mouth. 

I saw DogDays ears perk up and he smiled at me. “What did you say Angel?” I know he heard me but I didn’t want to repeat myself. I started feeling my face grow warm. “N-nothing! Come on, let’s go!” DogDay laughed and handed me my phone back. I looked at it and thankfully there wasn’t a crack on the screen. However, when I turned on the screen, I saw that my lockscreen had changed from the drawing to KickenChicken. That motherfu- 

--------------- 

“Alright friends gather around!” DogDay called out to the kids in the Playhouse. “As you all know Darla will be leaving Playcare today and she has requested that we play her favorite game one last time.” I could tell that he was starting to get emotional, so I spoke out for him. “Darla has asked that we play ‘tug of war’ so get into your groups and get ready to play!” The kids all cheered out and went into groups of four.  

The first teams walked up to the rope and got into position. Damian was on one side while Darla was on the other. DogDay lined up the center of the rope and tied a yellow flag to it. “Ready and go!” Both teams started pulling with all their strength. “Come on Darla you got this!” DogDay yelled out. Darla nodded her head and pulled the rope even harder to her side, leading them into victory. Damians team seemed upset but not him. He gave a thumbs up to her and she returned the gesture.  

Everyone soon had a turn, and we were about to clean up until Darla spoke out saying that she wanted one last round; her and DogDay vs me and Damian. DogDay seemed to like this idea and so all four of us headed to the rope and got ourselves situated. DogDay and I were in the back with the rope wrapped around our waists while Darla and Damian were stationed in front. I already knew that me and Damian would lose because DogDay was the strongest one here, but I didn’t want to lose. “Get ready to lose Angel.” DogDay said teasingly. “Ha, like I’d let myself lose to you. Come on Damian, lets win!” 

The children all watched and cheered each of us on as the game had begun. DogDay was just standing there smiling at us. The only time he would pull the rope was when me and Damian got close to winning. The flag was about to cross onto our side when Damian yelled out “Ok now!” Both him and Darla had let go of the rope and jumped away which meant I was about to get yeeted onto DogDays side. DogDay saw this and smirked and pulled the rope hard making me come towards him. I slammed into his stomach. I heard the kids all laugh at this. I looked up at DogDay and he had the biggest grin on his face. “I win Angel.” Click! We both turned and saw that Damian had my phone and took a picture of us.  

--------------- 

I sighed and fell into my chair at my desk. The going away party for Darla had just finished and I was worn out today. I rubbed my eyes for a moment before hearing DogDay outside my door. “Can I come in Angel?” “Yes.” I said while yawning. DogDay entered and shut the door behind him before walking over to his bed and laying down. He had just seen Darla off with her family and I could tell he was sad. I grabbed the card I had gotten for him and made my way over to him. “Mind if I join you?” “Not at all Angel.” I then sat against his side and handed him the card. “Here, for you.” The card read, "To my dear DogDay; As Darla embarks on this new chapter of her life, I understand that her departure leaves a void in your heart. The bond you shared was special and filled with countless cherished moments. But as she finds a loving home and family to call her own, let us take solace in knowing that her journey is one of hope, love, and endless possibilities. While her absence may be felt keenly, remember that the love and friendship you offered her were immeasurable gifts. Your kindness and companionship made her days brighter, and your memories together will forever be etched in her heart. As Darla embraces her new beginnings, may you find comfort in knowing that you played a significant role in her life's journey. And as one door closes, may countless others open, filled with the joy of new friendships and shared adventures yet to come. With love and understanding, Angel.”  

DogDay didn’t say anything, but I knew he was grateful for my card. He then had tears form in the corner of his eyes. “I think I need your singing now Angel.” He said while chuckling. I got up and climbed on top of DogDay and leaned down and started to scratch his ears. DogDay sighed and closed his eyes while his tail slowly wagged. I started to sing a little song for him. After a while I could tell that DogDay had fallen asleep. I stayed on top of him and pulled out my phone. I changed my lockscreen back to Damians drawing and changed my home screen to the picture Damian took of me and DogDay after tug of war. In the picture DogDay had his arms around my waist and had a soft look on his face while smiling at me. I was also smiling back at him with a small blush. I then went to my camera roll and deleted KickenChickens picture.  

A/N: Idk why but it wouldn’t let me color KickenChickens part yellow. Anyways thank you for reading!!

[lexirosewrites]

An ask abt nugget #5 for slick sunday in the same universe as my new year's birth nugget #4

The Munsons live in Chicago, Eddie both co-owns a landmark music store & co-founded a small record label tht is growing by the year. Steve is THRIVING as a stay at home mom who gets to write fun kid friendly fantasy novels on the side & has had a number of them printed to a resounding success with his latest being the 1st of a kid friendly horror book series titled "The Strange Times Files"

Steddie got married/mated January 5, 1988 when Steve was already pregnant w nugget #1

The names & birthdays of the 4 Munson nuggets are as follows:

Nugget #1: Joan Riot Munson (May 4, 1988)

Nugget #2: Lennon "Lenny" Eagles Munson (August 15, 1992, 10:23am)

Nugget #3: Stevie Jett Munson (August 15, 1992, 10:25am)

Nugget #4: Jim Hendricks Munson (Jan 1, 1996)

(I did actual math to make these birthdays make sense so I can get the age gaps right & yes Lenny is going to b very obnoxious about being older than Stevie around their 12th birthday)

Steddie decide to hold off on nugget #5 for a few years. Then in 1998 when baby Jim is 2 years old, the twins are 6, and Joan is 10, they decide to start trying for #5

For their anniversary tht year Lucas uses his professional basketball player money to get them a private jet to Amsterdam, Will uses his art connections to get them a whole townhouse not far from the Van Gogh museum, and El makes Steve an entire bespoke wardrobe just for the trip (including lingerie).

They'll b gone for the rest of January (enough time to encompass Steve's upcoming heat) & while there is nervous energy tht they're leaving their pups for so long they know that their pack will take good care of them. Eddie provides a binder on each of the pups likes & dislikes & any allergies (Joan can't have shellfish & Lenny can't have mushrooms) along with a rough outline of the usual schedule of their days during the school week & weekends as well as any & every phone number they might need (poison control, pediatricians, school, and the number of the townhouse they'll staying at) & last but not least is what to do when each pup can't sleep (Joan goes down after a short game of scrabble because tht kid is a voracious reader w a vocabulary to match, Lenny & Stevie get tired after a cup of warm milk with honey extra points if Wheel of Fortune is playing on the TV, and Jim usually just needs to b allowed to get excess energy out then given warm milk with honey of his own)

The trip is wonderful!

Steve's mom visits for a few days from Vienna, she brings the famous sachertorte w her (which steve "sweet tooth" munson ends up loving) & invites them to visit her in Austria for the Christmas season next year in 1999 insistent tht she will pay for everything & tht she doesn't care tht Eddie makes good money producing music in Chicago she got an amazing divorce settlement & as a result owns half of Richard's more lucrative investments as well as her own newer investments. Amelia Harrington extracts a promise from the couple to be in Austria for Christmas 1999 then bids them goodbye & returns to her apartment in Vienna wishing them luck on making nugget #5.

they smoke weed in coffeeshops, they see an NSFW art performance in the red light district, & wander the museum & streets & generally be in love. Steve's heat comes on schedule near the end of their trip & it's a beautiful experience of reconnecting as people not just as parents or a couple. By the end they miss their pups, have fallen more in love, & r ready to be home again.

A few weeks after getting home Steve feels a little weird like he might b coming down w something, he's more easily nauseous & having body aches but cannot figure out what exactly is going on. He goes to their doctor with an inkling but wants to rule out all other possibilities, his blood test comes back telling them he's not only healthy but pregnant again w nugget #5!!! Steve is ecstatic & when he tells Eddie the alpha starts crying from how in love he is with his mate & how grateful he is tht Steve has given their family 4 healthy pups & is now pregnant w #5

Nugget #5 is a textbook pregnancy, so much so the doctor jokes abt it. Steve is glowing by week 5, baby #5 likes tumbling around more than their siblings, his cravings r different on the whole except he still craves pickles tht r as crunchy as possible like he did w his previous 3 pregnancies. Nugget #5 is due around October 29th but all baby does is drop into Steve's pelvis around tht date.

Then... October 31st arrives & Steve wakes up at 5am from a contraction. It isn't quite go time yet so the family goes abt their day w the exception tht Steve pauses to breathe thru contractions every now & then, steddie get their pups ready for school complete with costumes & makeup & promises tht when the day is done they'll have a new baby sibling in the world, Eddie takes the day off & takes baby Jim to Wayne's (who lives 2 doors down at steddies insistence) who then starts the phone tree to let everyone know nugget #5 is on the way today. By the time Eddie gets back home Steve has timed the contractions closer together but his water hasn't broken quite yet so after Eddie gets the hospital bag in the car along w his mate they go to portillo's for some French fries & a chocolate cake shake. It's as they get back in the car with Steve happily dipping his fries into his shake tht his water breaks. The hospital knows they're coming & so there's almost no chaos to speak of.

Steve gets hooked up to machines & Eddie gets scrubbed in so he can hold his mates hand as it comes time to push. He's pushing well but something feels wrong the longer he goes on, he doesn't feel weaker but something isn't right. & steddie realize at the same time as the medical team tht the babies heart rate is dropping with every push. Then there's a lot of movement really quickly as the doctor is suddenly prepping for surgery while a nurse explains tht an emergency c-section is going to be necessary & tht Steve will need to go under anesthesia. Eddie is doing everything in his power to maintain his own calm while thru the bond he feels Steve's anxiety mounting into panic as the information sinks in, he promises to not leave his side & tht everything w b okay & tht c-sections must not b a big deal bc already the doctor is ready & the anesthesiologist is entering the room & did Steve know tht Shakespeare mentioned c-sections so tht means they've been around longer than anesthesia & then Steve is breathing in the gas & counting backwards from 10 but only gets to 8 before he's closing his eyes

The surgery is indeed not a big deal, there's a lot of blood & he peeks to see they had to move Steve's organs around & Eddie's heart drops into the basement when he sees how blue his baby girl was because the umbilical cord had wrapped around her neck but soon they unwind it & she's breathing in big lungfuls of air & crying at the injustice of leaving her warm home of the past 40 weeks & she's laid down under a warming lamp before they even wash her because her temperature wasn't what they'd like

While Steve wakes up baby #5 is weighed & measured & she's healthy all around except the scare she gave them all because of her propensity for tumbling around in the fluid filled womb. Once she's washed her scent blooms milky but sweeter than any of their pups & after a blood test the doctors confirm she's indeed an omega (Joan was born with a milky but spicy scent & dual sex anatomy so a blood test confirmed tht she's a girl alpha, and its very likely the twins will b betas)

Steddie name her Siouxsie Robin Munson, Robin begins blubbering immediately when Steve tells her this. She gets baby Siouxsie a stuffed Robin bird for her crib tht the pup holds onto well into adulthood

Siouxsie goes home from the hospital & about a year later proves to b the water baby of the bunch. taking to the infant swimming classes at The Y like a duck to water. Eddie jokes she was tumbling around so much in the womb to prepare for an Olympic career.

((Indeed, 18 years later, following a lot of hard work & a lot of tears & a lot of moments of almost quitting but persevering anyway, in 2016 the entire upside down pack (+ pups & spouses & the list goes on & even not-so-baby-anymore Jim took a break from his latest filming schedule to b there) are all cheering wildly in the stands of Rio de Janeiro while Siouxsie Robin Munson wins gold in the women's 400 metres freestyle swim event, it is the first of many Olympic games she will attend & the first of many gold medals she will win))

(i was indeed impressed with the dates but also laughing because steddie have the same anniversary as my mom and i who are both divorced from the curse of our january 5th weddings😂)

[depraved-love]

Alois Trancy X Mother Figure F!Reader

Self-indulgent content ahead you've been warned.

Honestly, I have no idea how you did this. Maybe you were looking for a job, or perhaps you stumbled upon his manor during a storm. Either way, you ended up in Alois's service.

It took a bit; he was very cautious around you. (It's been a while since he had a human servant.)

One night, you were behind on your duties and working overtime. You were just outside his door when he screamed in terror.

You ran to his side and found him breathing heavily, staring at the door as if a monster would storm in any second. But it was just you.

Used to looking after children, you acted on instinct. You sat next to him, took him in your arms, and ran your fingers through his hair. In a gentle, hushed tone, you asked, "What's wrong?"

In that moment, he didn't care if you were being fake; he just craved the feeling of being truly looked after. He didn't tell you what the nightmare was about, but from there, it all changed.

Day 1: He clung to you the whole day. (To his butler's astonishment and dismay.)

Day 4: You were to stop calling him "Your Highness." (Calling him Alois was faster anyway.)

Day 6: You lost all duties that didn't involve him.

Day 10: You moved into his room.

Day 15: He promoted you from your former role to his caretaker alongside Claude.

Day 30: You moved into his room.

Day 31: He started settling down, or so it seemed.

Day 90: "Mother! Help me get dressed!" It was a slip-up. He expected a big reaction, but when it didn't come, it became the norm. Other servants don't like the closeness you share but keep their mouths shut... for now...

From then on, Alois became dependent on you to an unhealthy degree.

He doesn't like you disciplining him much, but surprisingly he lets you, as long as it's not physical.

He developed a major co-sleeping issue. He can't help that your arms are so warm.

He won't admit it, but he likes when you actively baby him—when you say he's too young to handle something, when you wipe something off his cheek, and so on.

He might act a little more clumsy... not on purpose, of course... He didn't usually cry over a small cut or a scraped knee... well, he certainly changed.

You have your own kids? Great! Now he gets to have siblings again! He has to be the favorite, though.

His favorite activity is always going to be when you sit in the library with him in your lap and read him stories.

You can't heal him, but you help him get better and eventually live a happy life...

[Canon end] You were visiting your family when it happened... you only found the body... The guilt nearly killed you, but you lived through it. You never moved on. The image of the body of a boy you came to love haunts you. The most awful feeling, though, is the fact that you can't feel him. It's like someone or something locked his soul away so that you never can feel his presence again.

[souliebird]

[[and then I met you || ch. 10]]

Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit

Summary:

A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father – Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyer’s and Matt realizes he needs to protect his new family from not only Hell's Kitchen but from the world.

pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

Words: 4.2k

banner thanks to the wonderful @theradioactivespidergwen

When Minnie was six months old, you used to sleep on the couch so you wouldn't wake her up trying to get ready for bed. It would hurt your back - your couch was not very comfortable to sleep on - but you would sacrifice your comfort so she could sleep. No one in their right mind would wake a sleeping baby - even one that was always happy to go down for a nap. 

As your mind begins to stir, you become aware of the familiar ache in your lower back and the unfamiliar one pulsing around your eyes. Your hand slowly snakes up from where you had curled it against your chest and press your fingers along the bridge of your nose and up to the curve of your eyebrow, testing to see if the throbbing was sinus related. Nothing is triggered but your memories of the night before creep into your consciousness. 

Minnie with her tantrum and Matt with his amazing senses. 

You groan into the cushion as it all falls into place. Your eyes hurt from crying, not your sinuses, and you must have fallen asleep on the couch after your breakdown. 

Shame and embarrassment course through you. You hate crying and you hate that someone witnessed it. You can't imagine what he must think of you now - losing it like that. You should have been able to handle the news far better than you had and you're going to promptly apologize the next time you talk to him. You had acted so selfishly when it was clear he had control over the situation. 

But you don't have time to sit and wallow in your wretchedness - your daughter needs you to get up and be a capable adult, so you will your aching body to sit up. 

Your phone is sitting on the table in front of you, so you grab it to check the time. It's half past seven and your daughter has probably been awake for at least an hour. More shame courses through you - you always try to wake up before her so you can take care of her. You can only guess what state she is in. 

Your head spins as you stand, but you try to ignore it in favor of heading towards the bedroom. You prepare yourself to find a soiled bed - you didn't bother to change her into her night clothes and a pull-up and she is still mastering waking up when she needs to pee at night. 

The door is partially open and as you near it, you hear her tiny voice talking nonsense as she plays with something. You take a deep breath and push into the room, ready to face the start of your day.

Your mind short-circuits at what you encounter.

Both beds are clean and made, far tidier than you usually make them, and Minnie is sat on the floor with Scooby and some of her other stuffed animals, having what looks to be a tea party. To your absolute confusion, she is already dressed, and her hair has been put into pigtails with mismatched bows. You know for a fact she can't reach where you keep her hair supplies - you put them on a high shelf after she got into them to play salon before and managed to get her hair tangled so badly you had to cut things out. 

It doesn't even take her half a second to notice you and her little face breaks into the biggest smile, “Mommy!”

Still very much confused, you step forward to join the tea party circle and kneel down to be level with her. “Hi, sweetie,” you greet, trying your best to not alarm her. “Did you get dressed all by yourself?”

“Not-uh! Mister Matt helped! We watched lots of videos about hair and he made me pretty!”

You frown at that, “Mister Matt helped?” Had he stayed the night after you fell asleep? If so, where is he now? Your apartment isn't that big, and the bathroom door is open. Had he left before you woke up? You don’t like the idea of him leaving Minnie unsupervised.

Your daughter nods as she turns back to her toys, pretending to pour you a cup of tea and handing it over. You automatically pretend to take a sip.

“He helped make me pretty,” she confirms after putting her tea pot down, “now he's getting foods. Bagels!”

You turn the statement over in your mind - there is a bagel shop around the corner Minnie loves and if Matt is right about her also having enhanced abilities, maybe, just maybe, he didn't leave her unwatched. 

You bite your lip, then dare to push.

“Mouse, do you think you can tell me where Mister Matt is right now? Can you hear him?”

She doesn't acknowledge you right away, fussing with another piece of her tea set. You wait, allowing her to process what is being asked of her and watch as she slowly starts to move her head in minute movements, like she's tracking something. It's terrifying and fascinating to see a look of concentration come over her face and after about thirty seconds, she breaks into another big smile.

“He's talking to a frog!” 

“A frog..?” You ask, wondering if Matt was wrong about Minnie having heightened senses and she's playing pretend again.

“Yeah, he says…he says.. He's telling froggy he can't go to work. He's gonna stay with us!”

It clicks instantly. Matt isn't talking to a frog. He's talking to his business partner, Foggy Nelson, and as far as you know, Matt hasn't mentioned him or Karen yet by name to Minnie. 

“Can you tell where he is?” You ask again, being sure to be gentle with your question. 

“Outside,” is her response, like it is the most obvious thing in the world. “Froggies can't come inside. Do you want sugar?” She holds up her toy spoon and you offer her your tea cup.

“Yes, please.” 

She pretends to scoop sugar and you watch her in amazement. You are of course going to have to confirm that Matt was talking to Foggy, but it is so hard to believe your little one can hear that. You can't hear what is going on in your own living room, let alone outside your apartment. You cannot imagine how loud everything must be, how much input Mouse must be getting - but she doesn't seem bothered by it at all right now. 

She seems to be completely over her tantrum from yesterday and you want to ask her about it, but you aren't sure how or if she has the ability to express it. You know there are days you get overwhelmed and upset and you can't think of another way to explain it other than “too much”. You can't expect a three year old to articulate it better than you can. 

She's got a sweet little smile and part of you fears if you bring up her previous upset, it will spiral right back into a meltdown. So, you watch instead - watch as she goes back to playing make pretend with her toys, seemingly unbothered. You sip at your tea, making up a list of questions for Matt when he returns from his errand. 

Minnie plays for about five minutes before she perks up, beaming up at you, “Mister Matt asks if you can open the door, please thank you."

Her statement throws you for a moment and you aren't sure how much you like the idea of her being able to tell you all these things. It scares you - her knowing things you don't and not knowing what she does know. 

Maybe it is one of the things you and Matt can talk about - then talk about it with your sweet Mouse. You are going to have to get used to it, either way.

You push yourself into standing and motion for Minnie to come along. She scrambles up and runs out of the room, delighted laughter following her.

You are still in your clothes from the night before and you wish you had taken a moment to check your hair or even brush your teeth. You try to tell yourself it is fine, but your anxiety just argues back, and you feel like a complete slob by the time you get to the front door.

Your stomach and heart both do a funny clench at the sight of Matt, who is still sporting his borrowed shirt. You don't know if you want to fall into his arms or throw up or go hide under your covers so you can pretend all of this is a dream. Instead, you step aside so he can come inside and silently beg your mind to stop collapsing in on itself. 

“Breakfast delivery,” Matt says as a greeting, his entire face lighting up with a smile. He's holding a bag from the shop around the corner in one hand and a drink carrier with two large drinks along with a small one in his other.

You can feel your face starting to heat up and force your eyes down to the ground, mumbling, “you didn't need to do that.” 

He shrugs as he toes off his shoes, “I wanted to, and someone,” his voice turns teasing as he directs his next comments to Minnie, “wouldn't stop talking about bagels.”

Your daughter erupts into giggles, then turns and runs back towards the kitchen. Matt gives a pleased laugh, and your stomach flips again. He follows Minnie, and after you relock the door, you join them. 

They are sitting at the dining table, Mouse watching with a big smile as bagels are laid out on the table. Matt narrates for both of you, “Three egg bagels with plain cream cheese, two large coffees, and one kid’s hot chocolate. Now, is that the right order or was someone taking advantage?”

Minnie giggles more and that relaxes your shoulders. “No, that's right. Thank you, you really didn't -” You cut yourself off as you realize the table is clear of any mess from the night before. There are no plates on the table or in the sink, there's no lasagna stains on the floor, there's no leftovers sitting out. Your eyes drift to Matt. 

He must have cleaned after you had fallen asleep. Guilt courses through you - he shouldn't have to be dealing with your messes, especially in your own living space. You are going to need to not only apologize but return the favor somehow. You aren't sure how you'll do that - no one has ever done this much for you before, and Matt has done so so much in such a short time. 

You're dragged from your thoughts as a coffee is placed in front of you. 

“It's just black, I didn't know how you took it,” the kind, handsome lawyer says, and your heartbeat is so loud in your ears. It beats harder when you remember that not only can he hear your body and mind freaking out, but so can your daughter. 

Your instinct tells you to panic at the idea of someone knowing that much about you. You always try to stay calm on the outside while having a meltdown, but that doesn't matter with him. He'll know you're a mess. You can't hide it. 

You hear Matt ask Minnie something about her tea party and watch as she skips away from the table, but it's like your mind doesn't process it. You feel completely frozen because you don't know how to act - you don't know how to hide yourself from the man in front of you. You don't know how to hide yourself away from your daughter. 

How can you protect her from yourself? Your own body?

Suddenly, Matt is in front of you, cupping your cheeks with his large, warm hands and whispering your name. He's practically right on top of you, gently rubbing his thumbs over your skin, “Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay. Everything is okay. Can you take a deep breath for me?”

“What?” You ask, so confused about what is going on. You don't understand why he's saying it's okay. 

“A deep breath, sweetheart. Can you take a deep breath?”

Your mind will not wrap the reason for the instruction, but you do as you are told. You inhale through your nose and that earns you a soft smile. He continues to pet you, gently instructing you to exhale after a moment and you obey. 

“Again?” He prompts and you nod. You feel shaky as you try to focus on breathing. You've always hated these exercises - they've never worked for you and have only served to frustrate you, and now you are just trying to make sure you are doing it right. How embarrassing would it be to fuck up breathing in front of Matt? 

“That's it,” he says so calmly, “Just breathe. I know it's a lot. I know. One step at a time. Let's have some breakfast, okay? Let's sit and have coffee and we can all talk. How's that sound?”

It sounds good, it sounds like the right thing to do, but your throat is clenching and not wanting to produce words, so you nod instead. 

You close your eyes to try to center yourself and somehow calm down. Matt lingers, keeping a hold of you until you hear Minnie coming back to the kitchen. It seems like he waits until the last possible moment before pulling away. 

Seeing your daughter looking so happy helps to reset your mind. She's fetched Scooby and Pig and runs up to the table to put them in their chair. You smile at the sight.

She really does seem like she's perfectly fine and maybe Matt is right and everything is okay. For now, at least. 

You force yourself into action, moving to set one of the bagels in front of Mouse, setting it on a napkin. You're going to need to transfer the hot chocolate into a mug or Mouse will spill on herself.

“Thank you, Mommy!”

She practically dives into her bagel, picking it up and taking a big bite and getting cream cheese on her cheeks. She is completely engrossed with her food.

“Thank Mister Matt, he got us breakfast,” you advise before going to get a napkin. While you are in the kitchen, you grab your creamer from the fridge.

“Thank you, Mister Matt!” she chimes before barreling on. “Mommy, did you know Mister Matt can braid hairs!”

Guilt courses through you and you remind yourself you need to thank Matt for everything he has done for you. But you tell yourself to not think of it right now - you are terrified of Minnie sensing your panic and that somehow shuts your mind down and you go into parent mode. 

“No, I didn't. Did you ask him to braid your hair?” You ask as you move in to wipe her face. She obediently tilts her face towards you and closes her eyes as you clean away the cream cheese. In the corner of your eye you see Matt sip from his coffee, a smile forming in his lips.

“She wanted puffs,” he advises, “I learned a lot of new hair terminology today. Minnie is a very good teacher.” 

Your daughter preens at the praise before taking another bite of her bagel. More cream cheese gets on her face. You decide to wait until she's done eating before tidying her up again. It will be pointless otherwise.

Instead, you start to fix your coffee, removing the lid to add creamer. You eye your daughter as you do, letting yourself finally take in her appearance. 

“You're a good stylist,” you tell Matt, and it is true. Her pigtails look even and as smooth as can be expected for a toddler. You don't see any tangles and if Minnie is happy, you have no grievances with the outcome - only guilt that Matt was the one who dealt with it. 

“I have some experience,” he hums, before taking another sip of his coffee. Then he directs his smile to his daughter, “my best friend used to have long hair. He has little nieces and they used to do his hair at Christmas, and I got roped into helping. I'm told I do a pretty good French braid.”

Mouse giggles before gasping and pointing at you, “do Mommy's hair!”

Embarrassment floods you - you don't think anyone has done your hair since you were Minnie’s age, and your current hair is a gross greasy mess and you don't want anyone touching it. 

Matt hums as he tilts his head towards you, “I think Mommy is better at doing her hair than I would be. But maybe next time?”

“Maybe next time,” you agree, hoping that will be enough to deter your daughter from this path. 

Luckily, she quickly parrots, “Next time!”

You offer her a smile and take a much needed drink of your coffee. It not only warms you but helps to ground you back into reality. 

You remind yourself nothing has actually changed - you are just more aware of the world. To Minnie, this is the same as any other day and you need to get yourself back on track. 

Which means you need to confirm some things with Matt. 

You set your coffee down, then pick up Minnie’s hot chocolate and bring it to the kitchen to transfer into one of her kid-friendly tumblers. You clear your throat, then dare to try, “Minnie said you'd be spending the day with us?”

“You told the froggy!” Mouse happily adds.

Matt looks confused for a few seconds before it must click, “Foggy, sweetheart, not Froggy. Foggy is my best friend - the one who had long hair.”

“Froggy!” Is the defiant response and you know better than to argue. Once something is named, the name sticks. But of course, Matt doesn't know this and you decide to let him learn.

“Foggy,” he tries. “Like a cloud. Not a frog.”

“Froggy!” 

“Fog. Foggy. No ‘r’.”

“Frog. Froggy! Froggy! Froggy!” Minnie bounces in her seat, starting to giggle. You return to the table, securing the lid to the sippy tumbler before placing it down.

“Ribbit ribbit,” you add and that gets you a delighted burst of laughter.

“Ribbit ribbit!”

Matt practically pouts but seems to realize he isn't going to win this. “But yes, I… told Foggy I wanted to spend the day with you. When I was in the phone, outside.” His dramatic sad face turns into something soft as he tilts his head towards Minnie, “Did you tell your Mommy you heard me?”

“I, uh, asked if she could,” you say, feeling silly for admitting it. But you know this is the path you need to take to start understanding what enhanced senses mean.

“I can hear everything,” your little one proudly says, and you've heard her say it before - but now you know she isn't just playing pretend.

“Yes, you can,” is Matt's soft reply. Unlike your underlying panic, his voice seems to carry a fondness about the whole situation. He is the one with the experience and you want to trust him with the lead on this, but it's still absolutely terrifying. 

But you know you need to set the ball up, so you gently push, “Did you know Mister Matt can also hear…everything?” You know it's not everything, at least by what Matt said, but you aren't going to get technical with a toddler. “Mommy can't, though. Mommy’s hearing isn't as good as yours and Mister Matt's.”

Mouse looks between the two of you, pursing her lips up as she thinks, then she reaches out and pats your arm comfortingly, “I'll tell you what I hears, Mommy.”

Your heart soars with so much love and you turn your hand so you can take hers and give it a gentle squeeze, “Thank you, baby.” 

“I can hears a bark-bark dog and a woofy dog,” she starts, “and there's a puppy going ‘yip-yip-yip!’”

Matt laughs a little and your focus is ripped away from Minnie and over to him. He absolutely beams at you, looking proud as can be. You wonder what this like for him - having someone else who can hear what he can.

“There's a doggy day care about two blocks north,” he informs, and it is so hard to wrap your mind around the fact your daughter can hear that far. “Clients are starting to arrive, and they are lively.”

There's a flash of brown and Minnie is waving Scooby at Matt, “Bark bark bark!”

“Is Scooby a barky dog?” He asks, leaning forward towards her and putting his elbows on the table. “Not a woofy dog?”

“Bark bark!” Is the response before Mouse makes him growl. You finally allow yourself to sit and watch the sweet interaction. Everything still feels like it's too much and swirling inside you, but seeing Matt and Minnie bond is soothing - even if it's over something you can't understand yet.

“What about Pig? Does he go bark-bark or woofy?” 

His question gets Minnie to gasp as if she's scandalized. “Pig isn't a doggy!”

“Oh, he isn't?” Matt teases, “I can't see him. What is he?”

“He's a piggy!” She snatches up Pig and clutches him to her chest beside Scooby. You hope she doesn't have cream cheese on her fingers because cleaning her toys is always an adventure. She hates when they have to get washed and now, you guess, you understand why. They probably smell different after being washed or the texture is off. It's something you'll have to explore later.

“What type of noises do piggies make?”

“Oink-oink-oink!”

“Oh, that makes sense,” he hums, then hunches forward more and lowers his voice, like he's talking in secret, “And what sounds do little girls named Minnie make?”

You finally get to take a bite of your bagel as you watch her contemplate the question. Her face screws up in thought before lighting up when she decides her answer.

“Ooogie-boogie-boo!” 

Matt throws his head back with laughter, which makes Minnie dissolve into happy giggles. The sheer joy between the two of them pulls a smile out of you and the heaviness in your chest starts to lighten more. 

“Ooogie-boogie-boo?” You question and your daughter giggles more. 

“Ooogie-boogie-boo! Like Scooby!”

You don't understand what that means but you just let the positivity continue. 

“What about Mommy? What sounds do I make?” You ask, curious what her response will be.

“Bumbum-bumbum.” They aren't words, but you instantly get it is supposed to be your heartbeat. You feel yourself start to flush. Matt had told you that Minnie listens to your heart to ground herself, so of course that is what she associates you with. But hearing it from her mouth and getting that confirmation still rocks you. 

“It's a good sound, isn't it?” Matt asks Minnie and you can imagine how red you are turning. You try to hide behind your coffee.

“The bestest,” Minnie agrees before adding, “After Scooby Song. Scooby Dooby Do! Where are you!”

“We've got some work to do now,” you half mumble, half sing with her.

“I've never heard the Scooby song,” the man beside you says and that triggers Mouse into action. She slides off her chair, and still clutching her toys, hurries across the room to the television. She knows how to bring up what she wants, so it only takes a few seconds before there is an episode starting to play on screen. 

She drops her toys and the remote before running back to Matt and tugging on his - technically yours - shirt. “You gotta listen!”

He barely gets to stand up before being pulled into the living room. He does not resist in the slightest to being directed to sit on the ground and you watch as Minnie begins to explain the intricate lore of her favorite show. To your wonder she describes each character by their voice first and you can tell Matt is completely enthralled by what he is being told. Scooby gets moved from laying on the floor to being shoved into Matt's lap so he can hold onto him. 

You realize without fanfare that you can barely hear the television. It is still on low volume from last time you had it on, and it dawns on you that you never really have it turned up too loud. Minnie can probably hear it just fine and doesn't need it blasting throughout the apartment. You never got to really watch television as a kid, and you wonder what the normal volume for watching things is supposed to be. 

You sip at your coffee, watching as Minnie plops herself next to Matt on the floor, going on excitedly about mysteries and different sounds. Both of them are smiling and laughing like they don't have a care in the world. 

This is what you want your life to be like, you decide. 

You want your family to be full of love and joy and you have fought so hard to get to this point. You've climbed your way out of a cold and distant household to make your own little corner in the world and right now you need to enjoy it instead of letting your mind be taken over by darkness and despair.

So, you set your coffee down and move to join your daughter and her father in front of the television, asking in a teasing voice, “So who is the blonde man again?”

tags:

@midnightreids @cloudroomblog @yeonalie @thychuvaluswife 

@dorothleah @mattmurdocksstarlight @mars-on-vinyl @mywellspringoflife @sleepdeprived-barelyalive @simmilarly @soupyspence @darkened-writer @akila-twt

@murc0ckmurc0ck @groovycass @sumo-b98 @just3rowsing @tongueofcat @zoom1374

@theclassicvinyldragon @aoi-targaryen @lunaticgurly @nikitawolfxo @shireentapestry @snakevyro @yondiii @echos-muses @honeybug-victoria @the-bisaster @ristare @mrs-bellingham @eugene-emt-roe @cometenthusiast @stevenknightmarc @hunnybelha @

Specialagentjackbauer @yarrystyleeza @ofmusesandsecrets 

@mayp11-blog @danzer8705 @thinking-at-dusk @remuslupinwifee @akila-twt  @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @dil3mma @allllium 

@

two-unbeatable-beaters @kiwwia-wiwwia @1988-fiend @xblueriddlex @loves0phelia @ninacotte @lovelyygirl8 @littlenosoul @ednaaa-04  @ astridstark13

[queenofallimagines]

Blue lock NSFW HCs

A/n: so since I’ve let this anime take over my life completely I feel I’m overqualified to give better hcs and since I don’t have a specific scenario in this is general headcanons💕 (pls request blue lock I have brainworms)

Blue lock:

- off the bat isagi telling us he has a thigh fetish is so real it me he keeps his hands on your thigh at all times

- Really one hand on the steering wheel the other just barely in your pants fingering you

- They all kinda got that sauce in ‘em yk?

- Isagi can say “pretty thing” or “sweetness” in that low ass voice and it will have you on your knees

- NAGI CALLING YOU PRETTY

- Idk WHERE that shit came form but every fic he just calls you pretty and that’s def canon that man is 6”3 so hear me out

- This big ass man who’s usually lazy and barely paying attention putting in that work on you, keeping you pressed into the bed with his full body weight

- Mumbling in your ear in his monotone voice that’s just one octave lover

- “Cmon pretty, gunna come f’me?” he’s looking at you with his egoist eyes

- Will have you in between him and Reo

- Sorry but that’s just as canon as bachira and isagi it’s gunna happen at LEAST once

- Seishiro can run with the best of them w that ego too like he says he’s a pacifist but he’s squared up first on someone like 4 times😭

- He Probably offhandedly mentions something about you in convo with Reo and you’re done for

- They’re like gaming or something and you walk into the room

- “I’ll prove it- hey come here for a sec” and now all of a sudden you’re seated in between his delicious thighs being fingered open by nagi in front of Reo like he’s giving a tutorial😭

- I see y’all’s saying Reo would do that for inexperienced nagi but I raise you that Reo only has casual flings and has been intimate with nagi so he’s not used to their duo being a trio

- Nagi spreading your legs keeping them wide open for Reo to see everything while he leans over your shoulder and makes sure he’s focused on what he’s doing

- Something something good with his givers because gamer

- He’s working you open with his huge fingers almost unbothered by the fact that your squirming and grabbing at his arm

- Reo is a little flustered but he’s def paying attention

- They’re acting like they’re talking about the weather like you not gushing all over his fingers

- Makes you cum like three times this way before he says “Reo is pretty good with his tongue, can he have a taste too?”

- Nagi and his crazy stamina will not let you rest!

- RIN! My beloved baby boy!

- He’s a FREAK like freaky NASTY and mean about it too!

- Little slow on the uptake but once you really start learning about each other he’s working out all his frustrations on you

- Not very emotive but he’s blunt so he will make his feelings perfectly clear

- Brat tamer by default bc you push his buttons

- “Keep that same energy when I get you alone”

- Fucks you in the locker rooms

- Likes you wearing his jersey while he does it

- Had hella pictures and videos of it too that you don’t remember him taking😭

- Keep him company on his long away games💕

- Everyone knows he’s having good sex bc he has scratch marks all over his back and dares someone to say shit about them

- Since like every single one of his dispositions is bc of Sae you have to be patient with him

- The itoshi issue is that they will have conflicts in their head, decide what YOU are gunna say and make choices silently based off that

- Like bitch if you don’t TALK TO ME??

- Rin will not start the convo and avoid you in a fight bc in his mind he fucked up and you never want to see him again but like did I say that??

- You gotta go to him and be like say what the fuck you’re thinking :/

- Both the itoshi brothers are rough

- Rin will use his insane stamina to fuck you right to sleep like he’s trying to watch a game stop playing w him

- Probably end up fucking you with or in-front of isagi

- One thing about Rin Itoshi is that he has something to prove always

- Sae and shidou you already know lmao

- My favs?? Come the fuck ON they have nasty ass sex daily

- Sae count your fucking days bc imma best your ass 😐

- However,,, the dynamic between him and Ryusei is too tasty to ignore

- Sae and his butt fetish will usually do anal if you’re taking both of them at once

- His dick is really pretty you and shidou have full length discussions about it and he is TIRED

- Sae likes to think he has you two on a leash and for the most part he kinda does

- But you might as well be on demon time too bc once you and Ryusei tag them

- Him??

- The great cold and calculated Sae Itoshi the gem of Japan will be a whiny little Bitch

- Likes to piss you off so you’ll be rough with him and Shidou right there with you

- You’re both fed up with his shit so you decide to punish him

- You edging him while Ryu fucks him mercilessly

- Imagine you’re riding him reverse cowgirl and shidou is fucking him so hard and deep he can’t breathe

- You two doing that whole outwardly ignoring him kissing while he wants you to pay attention to him clawing at your lower back and hips

- Moaning out “sorry” and babbling nonsense

- Cums a lot and it’s thick in consistency

- Whimpers when you and shidou taste him on each other and he can’t kiss either of you

- Tears steaming down his face while he struggles to keep his eyes from rolling back and can barely even say what he wants because he’s moaning so much

- Aftercare is so cute bc you both clean him up and give him as many kisses as he wants

- That really fixes his attitude LMAO

- Isagi can get pretty try mean too you trigger that ego and he’s just as ruthless as he is in the field

- “You think I’m gunna let you cum after you spent all day on my nerves? Be serious”

- He’s big on eye contact

- Will sit back in a chair and stare at you as he makes you ride him with no help

- “Go on, you wanted it, ain’t you?”

- Spanks you hard

- Chigiri hyoma is HUNG

- like oh my god pretty face huge dick

- People paint him as like corset when he’s like really mild mannered and mean? Lmao his egoist profile even says he’s mean

- He’s blunt and says exactly what he means

- If “okay?? AND??” Was a person😭

- Will get choked up if you kiss the scar on his knee when you go down on him

- “Cmon you can take more than that can’t you?”

- He can go fast but likes going slow and deep

- Really savor the moment

- Wants to feel every second of you going up and down his dick

- Meanie!!

- “You’re creaming around me already and I’ve barely made it all the way in”

- Preps you really good before hand too that’s like mandatory even if you’re ready he’s going to have you cum on his tongue or fingers first

- Gets pussy drunk a lot and ends up fucking himself into overstimulation

- Liked his hair pulled on

- Barou? Whew the king definitely deserves that title!

- A big fan of slow and deep like Chigiri

- Will make you face him as he fucks up into you

- “Quit wining and take it, you’re the one who kept begging for me to fuck you all day”

- Will clean the sheets fully after sex like lmao he’s changing the whole bed

- Let’s see hiori too! People like to say the self proclaimed “ultra sadist” as like just a bottom all the time

- He’s more mean and doesn’t care about it

- “Ow! That kinda hurt!”

- “Hm? Good”

- Big fan of face fucking

- Shidou alone is very baby

- I’m his defense lawyer yall like he’s an aquifer taste so you can not like him

- But that’s your fault and a skill issue💅🏿✨

- He’s the unhinged very soon of isagi very emotionally intelligent and can read a room

- He simply does not CARE about others

- Very ‘if people are going to isolate me then I’ll push them away’ vibes

- Like he rly has a connection w the whole cast minus rin and kunigami

- If he hadn’t took a kick at isagi him and bachira would be besties!🥺

- They understand the same type of loneliness

- Back to the horny

- He will split you open on his cock any time of the day

- He’s very god at anatomy and chemistry like look at how tf he talks

- HES LITERALLY A STRAIGHT A STUDENT!

- Has a breeding kink in canon

- “If you keep my cum inside you for the whole game I’ll eat it out of you when we win”

- Cock bastard also

- Rin def walked in on you two once and it haunts him

- Seeing your face utterly fucked out not caring that you’re both locking eyes while shidou who’s blissfully unaware keeps bullying his fat cock into you against the lockers🤭

- He can’t look you in the face for like a month lol

- Chigiri like pegging and kunigami can suck dick rly well

- Don’t ask me how ik I just KNOW Mr. Bisexual representation has had a relationship with a guy who he was intimate with

- Bachira likes to paint your face white

- Loved seeing you with his cum on your face

- Won’t tell you he’s close when you suck him off on purpose sometimes

- “Oops, my bad! You do look pretty like this tho☺️” be so the fuck fr

[meiguicha]

AITA for complimenting my colleague and kissing him on the cheek?

Blade x Fem!Reader - Reddit exists AU

its stupid4stupid

Update 1 - Final Update

r/AmItheAsshole ~ 9 system hr. ago

easternskiesonamoonlitnight

I (???F) work with a group of people who undertake a bunch of odd tasks, one of whom who I will refer to as Dao, (???M) is the colleague I'm now terrified that I have offended. To preface, he's gone through a lot and now has developed a certain mindset that makes him a little hard to approach. He's not very open with the rest of us, albeit I find he's a little colder towards me. Still, he isn't someone I would say is hostile, just quiet.

Now over the years, I may or may not have developed a not-so discrete crush on him but have no plans nor have acted on it. But now I'm scared I may have fucked up our entire professional relationship.

A few days ago, we had just started a new mission we received and so in an effort to further understand our target, we had to pretend to be a couple to gain access into a certain location. This is where shit started going sideways.

I rarely get to see Dao in anything other than his usual uniform (???) so when I saw him in a suit I couldn't help but to compliment him and to call him 'incredibly handsome'. This was just before we had to start our mission and he just scowled at me and told me to get a move on. For the rest of the night, I could feel him glaring at me every time we were separated. And also he just kept following after me from afar whenever I had to move elsewhere to talk to someone else.

There was also a moment where our status as a couple came under question so I kissed him on the cheek to really sell it. This isn't weird for me because I have done the same thing to my other colleagues on other missions but when I did it to Dao, he broke the table next to us from how hard he was gripping it.

When we were done and he was driving us back, he didn't talk to me even though I apologised for everything. He also took my bag that had the keys to my hotel room so I was forced to sleep with him for the night. I don't think he slept because I didn't and I could feel him staring at me.

I think I may have offended him but I don't know what I did. He refuses to tell me anything even after we finished our task, but now I just catch him glaring at me or tailing after me even during our day offs. There were a few times where I woke up and he was just staring at me in my bedroom, if not, there are times my door is left wide open even though I locked it.

I think I might have to just kill myself because quitting my job is not an option for me. And if I don't, I think he'll get me first.

So, AITA for calling my colleague handsome?

GalacticBaseballer069 ~ 8 system hr. ago ~ OP, what kind of job do you work where kissing your colleagues is normal. also do you take resumés

TileGamer4ever ~ 9 system hr. ago ~ NTA, I'm pretty sure your colleague is in love with you. easternskiesonamoonlitnight OP ~ 9 system hr.ago ~ I don't know what you're on, but give me some. I think I'm going to need it.

QuietonDeck ~ 6 system hr. ago ~ YTA, did you at least ask whether he was comfortable with you doing all of that to him? People like you think you're entitled to do whatever you want only to write it off as 'part of your personality' or 'normal for you'. You knew he was acting colder towards you and yet you chose to compliment him as some sick attempt to get closer to him. I hope he... Read more theyearspasson ~ 4 system hr. ago ~ dude are you reading this with your ass or something

[dreamcsc]

dialogue prompts ᢉ𐭩

go back to navigation!

feel free to use when requesting (not obligated)! MORE TO BE ADDED!!

1. “When the time comes, when it happens, promise me one thing?”

2. “You think I wanted this to happen? You think *I*, of all people, wanted to fall in love with you?”

3. “I never thought I'd see the day you'd stoop this low.”

4. “As if you would ever cross my fucking mind.”

5. “You can yell at me later. Just let me help you.”

6. “Why do you act like you're the only one with feelings?”

7. “This isn’t over. You always come running back and I always welcome you.”

8. “Ah, so you aren’t heartless after all.”

9. “I’m asking because I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

10. “You’re the worst. And you’re all I’ve got.”

11. “I'm not sure what you're doing later, but I'm hoping it's me.”

12. “I want you. All of you, and not just half-heartedly, *wholly*. And maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care.”

13. “No, I don’t hate you. We’re not there, yet.”

14. “How does it feel to not get your way?”

15. “What are you trying to achieve here?”

16. “It hurts when I realize I’ll never mean that much to someone.”

17. “Do you want to go out?… Don’t think in a twisted way.”

18. “There hasn’t been a day I didn’t think of you and it’s starting to hurt.”

19. “If I was throwing things at you in my mind, you’d feel it.”

20. “This is a very big favor you’re asking. It looks more like a sacrifice.”

21. "You're doing all you can, that's all anyone can ask of you.”

22. “Are you jealous? Want me all to yourself, do you?”

23. “Find someone else to listen to your problems.”

24. “You don’t like me very much, do you?”

25. “If tomorrow comes anyway, will you be there?”

26. “Kiss me like you’ll never forget me.”

27. “Your mind is the darkest place I’ve ever been to.”

28. “Just stay. We can figure everything else out later. Right now, just *stay*.”

29. “Why do you always insist on seeing the worst in people?”

30. “I was just kind of hoping that you’d, y’know…fall in love with me.”

31. “I would say we kind of have the same goal. We just take very different approaches.”

32. “The world would be a better place with more people like you.”

33. "It's fine, shout if you need. Just let it all out.”

34. “You can sleep now. I’ll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you.”

35. “You can’t have her/him and it’s killing you inside.”

36. “I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were an expert in everything.”

37. “When you touch me I feel a little less broken.”

38. “You have to promise me that you won’t fall in love with me.”

39. “I only ever thought there were two kinds of love: The kind you would kill for, and the kind you would die for…but you, my darling, you were the kind of love I would live for.”

40. “There are shooting stars in your eyes, and every time I look at you, I make a wish to be able to kiss you one last time.”

41. “Can you just…hold me? Just for tonight.”

42. “Truth is, I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.”

43. “You have my heart. I don’t think I could get it back even if I wanted to.”

44. “Why not be angry? Anger is better than tears, better than grief, better than the guilt.”

45. “You’re most likely to steal my heart, does that count?”

46. “It's not my fault you can't handle the truth.”

47. “I don't usually believe in love/hate at first sight, but I'm willing to make an exception for you.”

48. "You're not going to believe who just walked in the door.”

49. "I'm sorry, but I can't be the person you want me to be.”

50. “I know this may be hard to believe, but I’m on your side.”

51. “Even if I could stop it, I wouldn’t.”

52. “What makes you think it was an accident?”

53. “Forgive me if I’m misreading things, but do you want to make out?”

54. “Don’t hate me for this. You would’ve done the same.”

55. “In your *very* words, ‘lying never did anyone any good.”

56. “My bad, I didn't realize that your way was the only right way to do things.”

57. “I know we've had our differences, but can we put them aside and work together on this?”

58. “I don't think I can keep up with your expectations anymore.”

59. “We both know this will be the first time and the last time we ever attempt this.”

60. “Time. It’s the one thing that you can never get back.”

61. “You put yourself in that position! That wasn’t my doing!”

62. “Don’t wish me the best, you were my best everything.”

63. “Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel like she/he/it broken my soul?”

updated: 2025.01.05

[danieyells]

Rui mizuki’s lines from Tokyo debunker if you haven’t yet PLEASE I will love you for all eternity

They’re edging me with the rui crumbs every chapter I can’t take it anymore

One flirty reaper coming right up!! And by right up i mean almost a week after you asked hhahaha

BUT YEAH WE DO GET A LITTLE OF HIM HERE AND THERE i wonder why he pops up so much. Especially for someone who allegedly tries not to be around other people much due to his deadly touch? Kinda sus--

also this is the first time i've posted all of someone's lines! not that i don't always end up posting 95% of them anyway, but for some reason some of Rui's were ordered weird(they're normally not entirely in order but they're usually sectioned properly, but for some reason one of his affinity chats was way in the wrong place) and I ended up closely paying attention to which one i was looking at and before i knew it i posted all of them lmao. . . .

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"{PC}, hey! Here's to another day vibing our way through curse twin life!"

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"Huh? Did you know you've got unread messages? Oh, that's why you've been leaving me on delivered! Ahaha!"

no that's just because my adhd makes me hyperfocus on things and it refuses to allow me to attempt to allot attention or energy to things it deems me not having enough attention span or energy or time for and i'm sorry--

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"Aw c'mon Ed, again? Why does he always leave his socks on the floor... It's actually exhausting picking up after him all the time..."

lazy sloppy vampire lol

"You look kind of tired {PC}, you doing okay? Why don't you stop by the bar later? I can be your shoulder to cry on."

"Hey! You on break now? If you're super nice and you're gonna come chill with me now, put your hands up!"

"{PC}...were you just checking me out? Hey, it's all good, don't be embarrassed!"

"Oof, Ed popped out of nowhere so I accidentally touched him and he died again. Now I have to carry him all the way back to the dorm..."

i love the face he makes when he says this lmao like he is so tired of Ed's carelessness!

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"{PC}! Did you come here to see me first thing? No way! You just made my day!"

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Aw c'mon, Ed, what are you doing sleeping out here? Didn't you just take a nap, old man? You're gonna catch a cold!"

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Oh hey, it's {PC}! Can't believe I ran into you here, so random! Guess we've gotta go on a date now, huh? It's like, written in the stars!"

i love flirty characters like rui lolol just. there's always More Going On there. and Rui starts off with More right off the bat.

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I can touch the plants as long as I have gloves on! I mean yeah, I'm pretty sure the same goes for people, but don't you think it'd be scary to test it out?"

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Come swing by the bar later! I'd rather watch a pretty face like yours while I work instead of a bunch of drunk guys."

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What? Ed was praising my good looks? I mean he's right, right? People always tell me my face is my only redeeming feature!"

but rui works so hard!? who's saying that!!

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh sorry, I don't do the whole class thing! You go, I'm all good here!"

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ouch! Aw man, that rose thorn just scratched my arm... Wait, nooo! My rose bushes are wilting!!"

it's so easy for him to accidentally kill anything lmaoooo

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Are you out here by yourself, {PC}? Isn't that like not super dangerous? ...Wait, did that make sense? Whatever, let me walk you back!"

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Sorry! A drunk customer broke a glass, so I'm cleaning it up! Everyone's a little pent-up lately, I guess."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"Watering plants in the AM is such a mood lift, right? Whoa, everything's blooming like crazy out here! Better get my pruning shears."

it's a testament to how well he takes care of these plants that they grow super well in permanently-night Obscuary, i think. 8'D

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Huh? Look, you've got loose threads on your uniform. Give it to me, I'll fix it for you!"

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hey, {PC}, did you eat yet? My door's always open! You can just stay the night after!"

damn already inviting you to stay over at affinity 13--just don't share the bed, you'll wake up super dead

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"(yawn) Wow, I am dead tired... but I've gotta take a shower, make breakfast, and do the laundry before those two sleepyheads get up."

it takes a real man to be a single mother. . . .

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Oh hey, what's your poison? Wait, I mean, morning! Man, I tried to take my friend's drink order when we were hanging out yesterday too, occupational hazard I guess."

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"A mission? I'm good, thanks though! Oh hey, you should invite Lyca! He'd totally be into that!"

Lyca also probably needs them to pass the grade lol

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"No way, look at the time! Wish I could keep listening to you talk... Wanna stay over?"

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Oh man, I'm sorry! I'm closing early, I've got plans with a friend tonight. It'd be awesome if you could come by tomorrow!"

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Congrats on making it through another day, {PC}! I seriously admire you for working so hard. You're not doing this all for me, are you?"

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Morning! Whoa, you wanna help me with the housework, {PC}? It's all good, thanks though! The thought's more than enough for me."

c'mon, refusing help at affinity 20? let the pc be your little helper at least!

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Obscuary looks like it'd be full of downers, but it's actually pretty lively in there, right? Not gonna lie, I def prefer it that way."

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Lyca's an open book, but the flip side is he says the darndest things... I feel like watching him is bad for my heart..."

he talks so much about his teammates, he really is such a mom. . . .

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"My eyes are red? Huh, that's weird... Oh yeah, I was cutting onions just now when I was preparing the appetizers for the bar!"

. . .idk this is pretty high affinity. . .you were crying about something weren't you rui. . .or romeo paid you in weed and you were getting tweaked up in the back of the bar

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Oh, don't worry about me, I always sleep late! I'm down to chat till you drift off to dreamland."

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"Sometimes I wish I could've met you as a regular guy. I guess you wouldn't have given me the time of day if I had though, ahaha."

is it just me or. . .does it feel like he gets a little more distant as his affinity gets higher? like after affinity 17 it feels like he gets a little less flirty and a little more at arms length. . .like he knows his feelings are getting so strong that he might not be able to resist touching you, but he's too scared to do it even with the gloves on. . .so he tries to keep you a little further away. . .and then he admits it, he wishes he could be with you like a normal person, but if he were just some flirt in the street none of this would have ever happened. Poor Rui, he's cursed to be beloved but unable to give love how he wants in return.

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"Oh man, so nice... The weather's like perfect this time of year, right? Wish we could just chill like this forever."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Man, you wouldn't even know it was spring with how bleak it is in Obscuary! Aren't there any cuter anomalous plants out there?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"I feel like Ed's getting more senile every day... Maybe I should confiscate his tablet."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"So, what do you think of my spring-inspired cocktail? Almost as cute as you, right? I'm gonna add it to the menu!"

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"C'mon! It's summer, how can the sun never rise in Obscuary!? I wanna get a tan!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"It's not summer if you don't hit the beach! I used to go all the time back when I surfed. And then I'd pick up girls on my way home... Just kidding, I promise!"

why 'just kidding' lolol you're not together! this relationship is not monogamous even if you were!

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ta-da! I've got sparklers! Fireworks are fun and all, but there's something special about holding a light that only sparkles for a hot moment."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"It's so hot out, I bet the bar's gonna be a ghost town... Guess I'll send Harurin and Romi a PR message!"

reaching out to the local population of alcoholic ghouls to remind them to give him business lol

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"There's so many dead leaves this time of year, it's a nightmare keeping on top of them! But you can use them to make a fire and roast stuff. Gotta look on the brights!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Hey {PC}, when are you free? I have a date idea for us—a romantic walk to admire the fall leaves! I'll pack us a lunch!"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Oh damn! You look so cute all bundled up like that, {PC}! We've gotta take a selfie together!"

direct contrast to romeo who sees you in winterwear and calls you a fat slug kekw

(between 8pm and 5am)

"That piano anomaly makes the soundtrack for the bar! The song picks really tug at the heartstrings, right?"

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"You're a little late today, huh? If you can't get up in the cold, I could be your alarm!"

just gotta be really loud since he'd be too afraid to touch you awake, since he actually wants you to y'know wake up--

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh man, how is Lyca so full of energy when it's this cold? You should take him to Frostheim and see if he runs around in the snow like a puppy."

rui pointing at lyca: that dog is my son please take care of him

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Nothing like winter to make you miss the warmth of human touch... Oh, I'm good! Just getting to talk like this is all I need!"

BBY WE ARE ALL BUNDLED UP. YOU CAN HUG YOU'VE BOTH PROBABLY GOT ON AT LEAST TWO LAYERS JUST DON'T TOUCH FACES.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Here, this Rui-original hot cocktail will warm you up! I'll blow on it for you, free of charge!"

is this the next step after gamer bathwater. host club host breath.

His birthday: (March 14th)

"Yeah, it's my birthday today! Oh damn, you're gonna celebrate it with me!? No way, I'm like, super touched right now!!"

Your birthday:

"{PC}... Happy birthday!! C'mon, birthday girl, sit down and chill out! This is your day, you should take it easy!"

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year! Want to start the year off on a high and come on a shrine date with me?"

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Oh damn, are these for me? My heart! Is this your way of professing your love to me? Do I have a shot here?"

White Day: (March 14th)

"Ta-da! Happy White Day! This is for you! What's inside? You've gotta open it and find out!"

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Guess what!? I finally broke my curse! Let's hold hands... just kidding! April Fools!"

this feels more like a joke on him than on you. . .a mean one at that lol

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Happy happy happy Halloween!! Trick or treat! Obviously I'm picking trick, ahaha!"

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas, {PC}! Oh man, I must be like, super blessed to get to spend it with you!"

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Hey, hey, hey! We finally get to spend some time together, it's illegal to take your eyes off me!"

(13 affinity and above)

"{PC}? You seem kind of busy, guess I'll take this chance to get some work done…"

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"{PC}, you're back! I was worried you'd forgotten about me!!"

he's so flirty and clingy, but also he can't be clingy because he's scared you'll die if he touches you, even if he's wearing gloves. . .also surely your curse would cancel out his? Then again I'm sure a reaper i stronger than any other [living] anomaly out there. . . .

but. yeah. rui's a darling haha he just. he's another one of the 'i just wanna be a regular person, i wanna go back to normal' characters whose desire to just be a guy makes him special in a more fantastical world. i'm really looking forward to seeing the Obscuary chapter--probably like a month away, right? 'u'

[bippot]

Bob Floyd - Top Gun: Maverick Masterlist

+ Miles Miller - Bad Times At The El Royale and Rhett Abbott - Outer Range

Wanna be added to a taglist? Either comment on this post or send me a message!

Taglist: @kpopgirlbtssvt, @adriansboyfriend, @live-love-be-unique

1.1) Tense I Tumblr I AO3 I

Hangman unexpectedly plays matchmaker when he offers the group a way to deal with the after-effects of their training, which causes Bob to meet the one for him.

1.2) Relaxed I Tumblr I AO3 I

In the comfort of his relationship, Bob gets a bit excited when his girlfriend first admits she loves him and unknowingly convinces her to be hours late for work. After an incident that causes her bed to break, Bob is mortified but secretly loves the teasing he gets from his friends later that day.

2) Tomorrow’s Tomorrow I Tumblr I AO3 I

Before and after a mission, sober or drunken, Bob wants to spend his time with just one gal. Their friends are also rather amused by his obvious crush on her and like to document their interactions.

3) The Female Species I Tumblr I AO3 I

It turns out the Dagger Squad doesn’t really know much about Bob. They certainly didn’t know he had a wife, yet she provides them with some more information about the reclusive Robert Floyd. She hadn’t seen him in three months and was more than prepared to spill all of his well-hidden secrets to his friends. Yet he still managed to leave the celebration early, and instead of being alone like usual, he has his wife on his arm.

4) So Very Polite I Tumblr I AO3 I

Of all the traits of Bob, his girlfriend has a particular gripe with how polite he is. Usually, it’s a good aspect of him. Sometimes it can be a little annoying, especially if she’s lacking sleep. But, that’s okay. She has her own special way to force him to be a little more casual in her home.

5) Robert Floyd, Man of The Sky

Oneshot I Tumblr I AO3 I

When his old college pal inherits her grandmother’s lake house, Bob is the first to nominate himself to help out. It gives him something to do and a chance to feel young, something that he only feels when he’s in the sky.

Series I Tumblr I AO3 I

Bob and his best friend from college move into and redecorate her grandmother’s lake house, and both come to realise that there is something else between them. But just like the renovation, coming clean to each other takes longer than they’d hoped.

6) Loverboy I Tumblr I AO3 I

After not seeing each other for years, Bob reunites with his old friend for the mission, and they pick up right where they left off - desperately yearning for each other’s love.

7) Mini Me I Tumblr I AO3 I

Of course Bob has a family. It was obvious. Phoenix knew that and did everything in her power to ensure he got back to them. So, she had to meet his wife and son. A trip to the Hard Deck gives his son a new fascination and his wife a chance to reconnect with an old college… friend? Boyfriend? Whatever, it doesn’t annoy Bob at all.

9) All Over Again I Tumblr I AO3 I

When he used to say that he wished he could fall in love with his wife all over again, Bob may have jinxed himself. Yet, the process of knowing her once more wasn’t as smooth as he’d used to think. Honestly, he doesn’t know which is worse: his broken bones or the fact she can’t seem to forget who he once was?

10) Ducky’s I Tumblr I AO3 I

After leaving the Navy, Bob enrols in college to experience what he missed. At a café, he meets Y/N, a fellow bookworm who quickly becomes more than just a friend in more ways than one.

1) Human Radiator I Tumblr I AO3 I

It’s chilly in Wabang, so Rhett is immediately at the beck and call of his girlfriend because she’s cold and needs a little cowboy love to make her feel better.

2) Happy Pig I Tumblr I AO3 I

The Abbott’s have been working Rhett to the bone for far too long, and he’s allowed one day off to finally catch up on some quality time with his girlfriend. She, under no circumstances, allows him to get out of bed.

3) Sitter of Babies I Tumblr I AO3 I

Rhett needs help. He’s a single dad, and Royal still expects him to work overtime at the ranch. Every day he gets more and more worn out until he’s finally allowed a day off and meets an old friend and his sister. She’s kind and funny and offers to babysit for him, and because it’s cliche, he can’t help but fall for her.

4.1) Hell of a Ride I Tumblr I AO3 I

The sting of being unappreciated by his family hurts a lot less when Rhett has someone who lavishes him with affectionate pet names and comfort. He gets a little concerned when he can’t find her face in the crowd. How will he be able to win the state championship without her cheering him on? Does he even need to worry?

4.2) Heaven Of A Ride I Tumblr I AO3 I

With their feelings out in the open, the pair want nothing more than to indulge their new-found connection. Yet, like usual, Rhett has some concerns that need to be addressed before that can happen.

4.3) Wheel of Devotion I Tumblr I AO3 I

Rhett desperately wants to take his girlfriend on a date but has a hard time verbalising those thoughts out loud. When the county fair comes, they take the opportunity to make the most of what it has to offer.

5) The Sweetest Surprise I Tumblr I AO3 I

Y/N feels disappointed when her boyfriend, Rhett, seems to forget her birthday. Despite her growing doubts, Rhett surprises her with a romantic gesture, taking her on a scenic picnic overlooking the town and indulging in handmade birthday cake.

6) Of Fluffy Cows and Elusive Jerky I Tumblr I AO3 I

On a quiet Wyoming Valentine’s night, Rhett's world shifts when his not-quite girlfriend surprises him at the Abbott ranch, and something cracks his guarded heart wide open. Emotions run high, and Rhett is left to realise that love, real love, has finally found him.

1) Corrupted I Tumblr I AO3 I

Although he doesn’t know her movies, Miles becomes enraptured by one of his guests and fails to restrain himself to show her the kind of love he believes she deserves. Yet, their fling must be kept under the radar because her stage mother is rather possessive.

[foundtherightwords]

Fallen Empires - Chapter 14

Pairing: Geta x OFC

Summary: Having done the unthinkable to secure his throne, Emperor Geta rules with ruthlessness and paranoia. Now, after escaping an assassination attempt, a badly injured Geta is saved by Daphne, a young widow, who takes him back to her remote village without knowing his true identity. As Daphne nurses the former emperor back to health, attraction blooms between them, and Geta discovers a soft side he didn't know he possessed. But can their love survive his thirst for revenge and his desire to reclaim power?

Chapter warnings: some period-typical attitudes about women and marriage, Geta still being a bit of a jerk

Chapter word count: 4.1k

Prologue + Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13

Chapter 14

The distant crowing of a rooster woke Daphne from her sleep, as it did every day. She didn't remember returning to the hut and going to bed, but there, on the floor, their tunics lay discarded, encrusted with dirt and dried grass, showing plainly that what had happened the night before had been no dream. She stirred, felt Romulus's arms around her, and turned around to face him. The little square of sky outside the window was starting to lighten, just enough for her to see his features, the sharp jaw he now kept clean-shaven, the long, curling lashes covering his eyes, the lines of his face smoothed by sleep, making him look like a boy, the plump lips slightly parted. At the sight of those lips, Daphne couldn't suppress a triumphant grin, remembering the night they'd just had. He'd given up that particular battle at last.

But it wasn't just the memory of their passion that made her linger in bed and watch him sleep with such a tender ache in her chest. As she lifted her hand to caress Romulus's cheek, her eyes caught the ring on her finger, and, tentatively, she allowed herself to think of Galen. To her surprise, the pain was no longer there, and with it, the guilt she'd usually felt about Romulus had vanished as well. In finally knowing Galen's fate, she had been able to let him go. Now she was free, free of the doubt and the grief, free to love again.

And this man, this mysterious, unfathomable, infuriating man lying next to her, was he to be her love? She knew so little about him, still. He had only told her a bit about his time in the army, and of his family, all he'd said was that he had an aunt in Hemesos. And there was the matter of whoever had attacked him. Daphne hoped that it had been some mere personal dispute, over money or perhaps even a woman, and Romulus was hiding due to his desertion from the army rather than fear of this unknown villain. She knew it was baseless speculation on her part and she would never know for certain unless he told her, but she tried to convince herself of it. For if Romulus was only hiding from the army and no other mortal danger, she could persuade him to stay...

It may have been her sigh at this thought, or her caressing hand, or the second crowing of the rooster, but he woke just then, blinking in the brightening light, which turned his eyes to a warm shade of amber. "Kalimera," he said, smiling sleepily at her.

"And to you," she replied, leaning forward to kiss his forehead, his cheek, and finally his lips. Now that he was no longer pushing her away, she fully intended to kiss him as much as she could.

He smiled into her kiss and seemed to have gone back to sleep, but when Daphne sat up, his arms closed around her. "Don't get up yet," he mumbled, his lips seeking hers even though his eyes were only half-opened. "It's too early."

"I must. There's the garden and the animals to attend to."

"What about me? I need attending as well."

Daphne laughed. "I have to milk Amalthea in time, or she won't give as much milk and we'll all go hungry."

"Fine," he grumbled, releasing her and burying his head in the pillow. "But come back soon."

She got out of bed and pulled on a clean tunic. "You can help, you know," she said, pausing at the door. "That way we can finish sooner and have more time to ourselves." Romulus's eyes opened, and she laughed again as he launched himself out of bed and chased after her, eager as a child running to the Harvest feast.

In truth, the chores that morning took longer to finish, for they were too busy chasing each other through the garden rows and kissing long and deep whenever they ran into each other's arms, getting more dewdrops on themselves than on the herbs. Daphne didn't mind. She didn't even care if her neighbors on the nearby hills could hear their voices. She had never laughed so much, silly little giggles over nothing at all, not since Galen, not since she was a girl. She had never seen Romulus laugh so much either, his whole face lit up as he leaned down, trying to catch her lips with his, the dimples she'd never noticed before framing his smile like a pair of loving arms. Gone was the scowling, angry man she'd pulled out from the stream months ago.

And he was so keen to help. It gave her hope that perhaps she could persuade him to stay, to build a life with her amongst these hills.

Once the garden was watered and Midas was let out to eat the fresh grass, Daphne fetched a jug and went to the milking stand, where Almathea was already waiting. The two kid goats frolicked nearby—they had been weaned for a while now, but they still kept close to their mother during the milking, remembering that Daphne had often given them some of the fresh milk afterward.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Daphne said to Romulus, while she washed Almathea's udder. "You said you'd help."

He approached warily. "Won't she kick?"

"Nonsense. You've seen how gentle she is. Come." She took his hand and placed it on the udder. Feeling a strange hand on her, Amalthea gave a little jerk, and Romulus jumped away as if the goat was a cobra.

"She was going to kick!" he said accusingly.

"No, she wasn't. You weren't, were you?" Daphne said to the nanny goat, who gave a soft bleat in reply, sounding all innocent. Romulus glared at them both, looking for a moment like his old self again. "Here," said Daphne, guiding his hand with hers. This time, Amalthea stood still. "Now, don't pull on it. If you do, she will kick. Just squeeze, like this..."

A spray of warm milk streaked into the jug, and Romulus let out a laugh of surprise and delight. "See?" Daphne said. "You're learning."

She tried to extract her hand and let Romulus milk on his own, but he held her tight. "Don't I get a reward for being such a fast learner?" he said with a suggestive grin, as the milk continued to fill the jug with its rich, creamy foam.

"You're an incorrigible cheek, that's what you are." But she couldn't help smiling back and leaning over to give him a peck on the lips.

"Ah, yes, but you love me anyway," he said, returning her kiss.

His words sent a jolt through Daphne, like the dry lightning often seen over the hills on a clear summer sky, tearing up the haze of happiness and contentment within her. Did she love him? She didn't know. She had loved Galen, but that was a long time ago. Of all her lovers, none had ever made her feel this way, not even the shy schoolteacher in Adala whom she'd almost married. She had wanted to marry the schoolteacher not out of love, only out of loneliness and a desire for security. With Romulus, who had no family, no roots, and no past, could she have a future with him?

Romulus must have noticed her hesitation, for he drew back slightly and gazed at her with concern. "What is it?" he asked. "Is something the matter?"

"No," she said, smiling quickly to reassure him. "Nothing's the matter." Thankfully, at that moment, Amalthea gave a little bleat to remind them that the milking was not quite done yet, and Romulus's attention was diverted.

Returning to the kitchen, Daphne strained the milk and set out the breakfast things. Romulus seemed to have some trick up his sleeve. He set a bench in front of the cot, snatched the bread and cheese from her protesting hands, and laid them all on the bench, along with a pot of honey and a bowl of olives. While Daphne watched, bemused, he went over to the door, where a tray of apricots, the last of the season, was being dried in the sun, picked some of the freshest ones, and added those to the spread as well.

This done, he turned to Daphne and gave an extravagant bow. "Domina, your feast awaits," he said.

"A feast?" she said with a laugh. "What's the occasion?"

"Does one need an occasion to celebrate? Can we just celebrate life, love, us?" He took her hand and led her to the cot. "Come. I'll show you how the Romans feast. It should have been the evening meal, but there's no time like now." She sat down, but he shook his head. "No, no, carissima, you must lie down. Lift yourself up on your elbow. That's the proper way."

She had no idea what he was doing, but it amused her to see him this way, a playful, mischievous side she had never seen in him before. So she obliged and lay down on the cot as he'd instructed.

"Is this how people feast in Rome, lying on their side?" she asked, as he lay down next to her.

"Yes."

"Seems a rather uncomfortable position."

"It does, doesn't it?" He strained for an apricot.

"So why do you do it? It can't be good for your digestion."

He paused and appeared to be thinking about it. "I don't know," he said sheepishly. "It's just something everybody does."

She grinned. "Well, if we're having a feast, we're doing it the Osroenean way, by sitting up like sensible people."

Romulus grinned back at her and sat up, but then he insisted on feeding her, breaking up the cheese, dipping the bread in honey, and choosing the juiciest apricots for her.

"Why are you being so sweet?" she asked between mouthfuls. "What are you up to?"

"Why do I have to be up to something? Can't I just be sweet?"

"You never used to be."

"What are you talking about?" he said in mock offense. "I am sweet!" He scooted closer to her until she was on her back, and peppered her with kisses from her foot to her face as he spoke. "I'm as sweet as the morning dew"—kiss—"as sweet as fresh honey cakes"—kiss—"as sweet as your lips"—kiss—"as sweet as your..."—and here he reached his hand under her tunic.

"Stop it!" She laughed and swatted him away.

He laughed as well, a rich, deep sound that seemed to echo all through her and arouse her in places she didn't even know about. He settled down next to her and twirled a lock of her hair around his finger.

"Come with me to Hemesos," he said suddenly.

"What?" she said, still laughing. She thought he was in jest.

"It's almost autumn. I'm well enough to travel. I want you to come with me to Hemesos."

Her laugh died away. She lifted herself up on one elbow to look him in the face. He was quite serious. "And what would I do there?" she asked, in a small voice.

"Meet my family. You can stay with them. And, once I'm reinstated, you shall become mistress of my domain," he said, as if there was no question about it.

This was the first time he'd spoken freely about himself. "Your domain?" she asked carefully. "What kind of a domain?" A fearful thought occurred to her. "Is your family wealthy then?"

Romulus smiled at some inner joke only he knew. She didn't like that smile. She didn't like how it excluded her, kept a secret from her. "I guess you can say that," he said. "My mother and her sister came from a line of priests. My maternal grandfather was a high priest of the great god Elagabalus. Now my aunt's grandson inherits the position."

They didn't worship Elagabalus in her village, but Daphne had met enough tradesmen and shepherds from Syria to know that a high priest of Elagabalus was not someone to be trifled with. She got up and sat away from Romulus.

Well, she'd always known he was a patrician, had known it ever since she'd first set eyes on him. It shouldn't surprise her that he came from wealth and nobility. But it was different to hear him confirm it, to see the chasm between them taking shape and widening.

"I have my own domain here," finally she said, trying to hold on to her dignity. "This hillside, my garden, my hut. My goats, my donkey, my bees. They're all here." She touched his face and brushed his curls away from his forehead. "This is all I need." She didn't mention that he was here as well, amongst the things she needed. "What would I want with some fancy city mansion?"

"A mansion?" Romulus laughed. "Oh my sweet laurel, you won't get just a mansion. Once I punish those who wished to harm me, I shall give you an empire. This beautiful body of yours will be draped in the finest silks of the Orients, these raven tresses will be adorned with all the jewels of India and bathed in the most fragrant perfumes of Arabia. There will be no need for you to toil away for your daily meal. There will be slaves and servants to cater to your every need. They will worship you like the goddess that you are..." His eyes shone with a fervent light she had never seen before, and it frightened her a little.

"I'm not sure I'd like that," she said slowly. "I'd much rather stay here."

His face fell. "Even when I go back?"

"You'd have to go without me."

He sat up. "You're refusing me," he said.

"I guess I am," she said evenly, turning away so she wouldn't have to look at him, wouldn't have to feel his dark eyes boring into hers.

When he didn't say anything for a long time, she stole a look at him. His expression was dark, harsh, as he took in her answer. She had the feeling nobody had ever refused him before. "And if I should get you with child?" he asked, grabbing at her belly, his touch no longer gentle.

She thought of the wild carrot seeds that she'd been taking since they started sleeping together, and it was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that there would be no child, not if she could help it. But she didn't want to tempt his dark moods.

"What of it?" she said warily.

"That child would be mine, by right. Would you still refuse me then?"

His tone, so arrogant and so male, irritated her. "By right? You forgot, we are not married. By right, any children we have would belong to me."

"You would raise my child as a bastard? How dare you!"

"How dare I? How dare you? Who do you think you are, the emperor himself? Nobody tells me what to do! Not my father, not my husband, and certainly not you!" She pulled her tunic down and bolted up from the cot. At the door, she stopped. "And anyway, I've made sure there will be no child, so you can stop counting on it!"

"Daphne, come back here!" Romulus shouted, but she ignored him. Slamming the door shut, she strode into the front yard and dropped down on the bench under the laurel trees, anger burning her chest like a brazier. So he was just like other men after all. Always thinking he knows best, always thinking everything and everyone is his to control however he pleases. She'd had enough of that from her father; she'd be damned if she would endure it from a man who was practically a stranger to her.

Was he, though? Was he really a stranger to her, still? She thought of what he'd said to her, "But you love me anyway," so cocky and sure of himself, yet it was belied by the desperate way he'd held her and kissed her, like he was begging her to assure him that she did love him.

Well, did she?

She asked herself again, and this time, she allowed herself to be truthful, even if it was only in her own mind. Yes. She did love Romulus, despite all her effort to harden her heart against him. She loved him despite not knowing anything about him. She loved him despite her mind telling her it was foolish. Now she must pay the price of heartbreak. Mere moments ago, she had dreamed of asking him to stay, of building a life with him. Now she had to face the harsh truth that it was not to be. He would never give up such wealth and position to stay with her. He couldn't, just as she couldn't give up her freedom to stay with him. And she wouldn't ask him to choose.

With the unerring instinct of an animal to sense distress, Vulcan limped over, plopped down next to her amiably, and started to nibble on the hem of her tunic. His antic made her chuckle, and her anger and pain simmered down somewhat.

"What am I going to about him, Vulcan?" she asked, looking at the goat's injured leg that Romulus had tended with such care.

At that moment, the door creaked open. Romulus stepped out and gingerly sat down on the other end of the bench, looking like a boy waiting to be reprimanded. Daphne turned away, determined to maintain whatever remnants of control she still had over her heart. Vulcan left her tunic and limped over to Romulus to get a few head scratches, before ambling away again.

They sat in silence for some time. Eventually, Romulus reached out and put his hand over Daphne's. She wanted to pull away but couldn't bring herself to, and cursed herself for it.

"Forgive me," he said, clearly seeing her acceptance of his hand as an encouraging sign. "I didn't mean to shout at you. I didn't mean any of it. You don't have to come with me if you don't want to. I only want you to be happy." Gone was his grandiose declaration, gone was his boast and bluster. He sounded so genuinely worried that he'd offended her, and he was holding her hand so gently yet so anxiously, that it took all of her self-control not to turn around and draw him into her arms.

When she continued to say nothing, he asked, "What did you mean when you said you've made sure there will be no child?"

She sighed. "It's nothing to do with you. In fact, I would welcome a child." It was one of her bitterest regrets that Galen had gone away before he could have given her a child. "But to have a child out of wedlock would mean submitting both myself and the child to my father's wrath."

"No, I mean you haven't—you haven't—"

She whipped her head around to face him, her anger flaring up again. "And what's it to you what I've done or haven't done? It's me that has to carry the child, is it not?"

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself on my account."

Finally she understood the source of his concern, and her anger cooled off completely. "You don't have to worry," she said in a much softer voice. "I'm cleverer than that. I just take some herbal tea. That's what I give to most of my patients in Adala as well. I only use surgery as a last resort."

He nodded, looking relieved. Still holding her hand, he lifted it to his lips and kissed her palm, his touch going straight to her very core.

"Perhaps—" he began. "Perhaps after I am reunited with my family in Hemesos, I can come back for you—"

"No." She pulled her hand back. Though it felt like she was ripping her heart away, she had to do it. "I can't live there. My whole life, I've never even seen a house made of stone. I only know mud bricks and straw. I would die if you put me in a mansion of marble and gilt." He opened his mouth to protest, but she shook her head, anticipating his next words. "And you can't stay here either. You're not a farmer or a shepherd, just as I'm not some great lady." He was looking at her as if she was breaking his heart, and even though she knew any gesture of affection would only increase her pain, she cradled his cheek in her palm anyway. "Let us treasure the time we have now, and when it's time for you to leave, go with an easy heart."

"What heart?" he whispered, leaning close to press his forehead against hers. "My heart will be here, with you."

She had to laugh at that. "Save those pretty words for your highborn city ladies. Out here we have no use for them."

"Of course," he said with a grin, his own grief momentarily forgotten. "Out here you're more hands-on, aren't you?" He closed the distance between them with a kiss, and there was no more talk of Hemesos that day.

Still, the thought was never far from their minds. It hung over them like the heat that hung over the valley, long after the hills had cooled down in the night air, and shrouded their kisses and their embraces in a melancholy veil. Try as she might, Daphne could never bring back the laughter and the innocent joy of that morning after Romulus had first kissed her. But perhaps it was for the best. He was leaving, and this would, if not ease their parting, then at least help her become used to the pain.

***

Soon, there was trouble of a different kind, to distract Daphne from Romulus's imminent departure.

That day, she came back from her usual rounds in the village to tell Romulus that the merchant caravan had been spotted two valleys away. It should reach the village in a couple of days, longer if it was a large caravan.

He looked shocked. "But you told me they would come after the Harvest Festival!" he said.

"Perhaps they're a bit early," she said, trying to hide the shaking of her hands as she rubbed her eyes. It had been a hard day, and a long one. "Besides, I don't think there is going to be much of a Harvest Festival this year."

"Why?"

"There's fever in the village."

Romulus's eyes widened in alarm. "Is it swamp fever again? I thought you said they were on the mend."

"Yes, but other people are sick now. It comes every summer. We're used to it." What she didn't tell him was that over half of the village had been struck down, including her own brothers, and more and more people were falling ill every day. In all her years, she had never known swamp fever to be so deadly. It was all the more reason for Romulus to get away as soon as he could.

She packed more medicine and a change of clothes into the saddlebags. "I'm going to stay with my mother to help take care of the sick," she said. "I'll ask Ione to keep an eye on the garden and the goats. And you—" Her voice choked, and she swallowed before continuing. "Go down the hill and make your way to the stream—you remember the path, don't you, when we went to Adala? Wait there, and the caravan is sure to pass by soon."

He nodded with unaccustomed compliance. But that night, as he held her in his arms, he whispered, his breath hot and desperate on her neck, "Come with me. Please."

She was glad that it was dark, so he couldn't see the twist of her face as she tried to swallow a sob that rose with abrupt ferocity to her throat. "You know I can't," she said. "Please stop asking me."

He was still asleep when she set out for the village early the next morning. She gave him one last look before walking down the hill, hoping in her heart of hearts that he would be gone, far gone, by the time she came back.

Chapter 15

Surprise! With the news that the Fantastic Four trailer is going to debut next Tuesday (February 4 for F4... very clever), I thought I'd get this update out of the way before the JQ tag is flooded with F4 content. Enjoy!

Taglist: @sheneedsrocknroll92, @justnobodynothingmore, @barcelonaloverf1life, @myotakureprieve, @flawssy-227, @itsrainingbisexualfrogs, @deliciousfestsalad (if you want to be tagged or removed, let me know!)

[imaginespazzi]

Part 4: The Art of Letting Go

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

Only know you love her when (she lets you) go

(In which a still very sadistic writer make things a lot worse but only so they can get a little bit better)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt with very little comfort

Words: 7.9K

TW: Car Accidents, Panic Attacks, Swearing

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I know I'm very, very late with this and I love you all for being so patient. I don't really know how I feel about this chapter but it is what it is. Logistical details are probably a little off but I need things to work for the plot, so try and ignore that. Per usual I did edit (very loosely and I'll probably go back over it later), there are probably typos anyways. And as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't, and what you'd like to see in the future. Happy reading lovelies and let's get a W this weekend. <3

December 2023

A week or so after they get back from the Cayman Islands, Azzi feels like she’s been sleep-walking through life, everything around her hazy and dull. She religiously sticks to a routine of eat-study-practice-sleep. Except well, sleep isn’t really sleeping. It’s her brain conjuring images of blonde hair and blue eyes and Azzi forcing herself to wake-up from a nightmare that used to be her favourite dream. 

She doesn’t tell anyone what happened, lying to herself it’s because it would be embarrassing and not because it would mean having to face the truth. Still, it doesn’t mean that her teammates can’t piece together little bits. There must be something quite sinister about the air around her, because none of her normally nosy and eager-to-help sisters try to weasel any information out of Azzi. They act like they always have, only sharing worried looks behind her back when the façade of i’m doing fine slips momentarily when she thinks no one’s watching. 

And then that façade goes to hell over the span of a couple of hours. 

It starts with the inevitable breakup with Zoe. At first Azzi avoids it, making up excuses as to why she can’t see her girlfriend. Selfishly, there’s a part of her that wants to keep Zoe, keep a girl who would never leave, never make her feel anything less than (or more than) just content. But it’s not fair, Azzi knows that, and it’s why she practises her it’s not you, it’s me speech to perfection in front of the mirror. When she goes to message Zoe that she's coming over, the text chain causes a pinch of guilt in her heart at the contrast between her girlfriend’s hopeful tone versus her own nonchalant one. And Azzi thinks that Zoe will never really understand just how similar the two of them are, stuck at wanting someone who would always let them down. Only, Azzi will let Zoe free but when it comes to her herself, she’s pretty sure she’s destined to be trapped forever. 

It’s embarrassing to admit that Azzi remembers the apartment in Storrs that she’d visited barely a handful of times a lot more than she remembers the apartment she’s currently in, the one that belongs to her girlfriend. Zoe sits rigidly on the couch with the same reserved, guarded expression she’s had since she’d opened the door, clearly aware of what was about to happen. Her foot taps incessantly as the silence between them drags on.

“You deserve better,” Azzi says finally, keeping her eyes firmly locked on the floor. 

“No,” Zoe’s voice is cold, “don’t say shit like that. It’s a cop out. It’s the shit people say to make themselves feel better-”

“Zoe-”

“Don’t be a fucking coward Azzi. Look me in the eye and say it, say exactly what you’re here to.”

Azzi doesn’t want to do any of that. She wants to crumble to the ground and let it swallow her until she’s buried so far away from the mess she’s created. But she owes Zoe this. When she does look at Zoe, there’s this look in the other girl’s eyes that Azzi had never thought herself capable of evoking in anyone and she has to swallow away the bile that rises in her throat, disgusted by her own self. 

“I’m breaking up with you,” Azzi whispers. Her words linger in the air, like shrapnel after an explosion. Zoe flinches, a single tear trickling down her face. 

“There it is,” the Californian says quietly, the ghost of an ironic smile playing on her lips, “I knew it was coming but damn- there it is.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“For what-” Zoe cuts herself, “no actually don’t- don’t answer that. I think I know.”

Azzi draws in a deep breath, ready to confess, “I need to tell-”

“Please-”

“Z-”

“Please,” Zoe sobs, “please don’t tell me. I don’t wanna hear it okay? I don’t- I don’t want to hate you Azzi. It’s too much and I don’t- I just- I’m so tired of feeling so much for you when you don’t- when you feel so little for me.”

“That’s not true,” Azzi counters helplessly, her words ringing hollow to her own ears. 

“Fucking hell you just ended it Azzi, you don’t have to pretend anymore. And it’s okay because I get it. You can’t feel any more than what little you do for me because- because you’ve already given the rest of it away. And it’s not- it’s not like I didn’t know you know? I only ever met you because you were crying over her. You only let me into your life because you missed her. And now you have her,” Zoe says wistfully. 

It’s terrible the way everything else becomes white noise as Azzi’s ear latches on the last sentence, a sentence that couldn’t be any further away from the truth. She was prepared for the accusations, for Zoe to hurl every curse word in the book at her, but this, the unintended reminder that she was giving up on soft, sweet, gentle Zoe for something that she didn’t have, hurts far more than any words could. 

“This isn’t about-” 

Zoe’s quick to cut Azzi off, pushing herself off the couch they had been sharing, trying to put even more space in between them, “please do not insult my intelligence by finishing that sentence. I deserve that much at least.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are because I know- I know who you are Azzi and I know you’re a good person and that’s why- that’s why I don’t wanna know okay? Whatever you did- whatever happened- just let me- just let me have this. Let me remember you as someone good- someone great,” Zoe pleads.

“If that’s what you want Zo,” Azzi answers weakly, the guilty clawing at her heart. She doesn’t think she deserves to be remembered like that, doesn’t think she’s worthy of being thought of with fondness, not anymore. 

Zoe doesn’t make any acknowledgement of Azzi having spoken as she starts to pace, “I should have known. You know the day I met her this summer, I got it- the appeal- I got it immediately. She has this aura, this charm. She just- she just fucking glows you know? And she’s just- she’s this huge entity and so are you and I’m just,” she lets out a hollow laugh as she shrugs,  “I’m just a girl from Stockton, California.”

“And you’re amazing,” Azzi puts up a hand when Zoe tries to cut her off again, “you are. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you for what you did for me last year. You could have walked away that day and maybe- maybe one day you’ll think you should have. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Zoe. You do deserve better. It’s not a cop out. It’s the truth.”

Since she was younger, Azzi’s always hated endings. This time is no different. The bitter truth is that she probably won’t miss her girlfriend, but she will miss the friend that had gotten her through one of the toughest years of her life. Slowly, Azzi picks herself off of the couch and walks over to a still Zoe, squeezing her left hand once before heading towards the door. 

“Azzi,” Zoe calls out, just as Azzi has one foot out the door, “I hope it works out for the two of you. You and Paige always did just seem inevitable.”

***

She blames the fact she’s currently stuck in the terrible LA traffic, with the word inevitable ringing in her ears, for the way her fingers continuously flicker over the green call button under Paige’s name. Zoe saying her name had been the first time in a week that Azzi had even let herself, in consciousness at least, think of the blonde properly. And now that it had been unleashed, whispers of Paige, Paige, Paige echo through every crevice of skull. The pain and anger that she’d been trying to shield herself from, come barraging into her heart as she’s held captive once again by thoughts of her best friend. 

It would be a lie to say that Azzi hadn’t been hoping for a call or a text to come through. She’d waited two days with bated breath for a friendly quip that would lead them back to their safe haven of just pretend. Instead it was as if they were back to being who they had been before summer of 2022 all over again. Back to being nothing. But this time Azzi had been adamant that if Paige was going to cut her off again, she wouldn’t fight it, not this time. Apparently that resolve was never meant to last and Azzi feels a little pathetic with how desperately she needs to hear Paige’s voice, how desperately she wants to try again. 

The traffic clears just as she presses call and maybe that should have been a sign. Azzi’s not a bad driver per say, but as her dad always said, no one’s a good driver when they’re distracted. The phone rings for too long and she should take that as her next sign and accept it as Paige not wanting to talk, but she lets it continue to ring anyway, as she turns onto a more secluded road. And then-

“Hello,” the voice is unfamiliar and Azzi doesn’t really know Paige’s teammates, beyond Caroline, that well but she’s pretty certain this one doesn’t belong to any of them. 

“Hi uh- who is this?” she manages to get out as her grip tightens on the steering wheel.

“Oh um- this is Rose, Paige’s friend” comes the reply, the word friend said with a sultry lilt and Azzi feels her skin prickle. Hang up. 

“Why are you answering Paige’s phone?” her tone is far more accusatory than she’d like it to be. 

“She’s in the bathroom but she told me to,” Rose answers defensively. 

Azzi hesitates, she doesn’t need to know more except, “does she know who called?”

Because surely if she did, if Paige knew it was Azzi on the other line, she wouldn’t let one of her likely random hookups answer the phone, surely Paige would know what it would do, how it would make her feel. 

“Uh yeah- I told her Azzi called and she seemed pretty sure she wanted me to pick up.”

Maybe Paige does know what it would do, does know how it would make Azzi feel, maybe that’s the whole fucking point. Through the phone she can hear quiet footsteps walking closer, towards Rose. When Paige is close enough that Azzi can make out the sound of her breathing, can almost picture the way her chest is heaving, that’s when the tears finally fall, blurring her vision. 

She doesn’t see the blinking headlights rushing towards her until it’s too late and then she’s swerving. The world around her erupts in motion and light and noise, everything spinning and spinning and spinning. For one moment, as she loses complete control of her car, Azzi thinks maybe this is it. And the most terrifying part of it, is that for a second, she’s not all that opposed to the idea of this being the end. It’s a singular image of her parents in her brain that has her regaining her senses and hitting the brakes as hard as she can. Her tires screech as her car barrels into a tree and her entire body jerks around in her car, her seatbelt leaving burn scars against her neck. Azzi feels her heartbeat going haywire, as everything comes to a halt. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Rose’s panicked voice echoes. 

“What?” and there’s Paige and even in this wreckage, Azzi’s heart stutters at the sound of her best friend. 

“I think she crashed-”

“WHAT?” there’s frantic shuffling until, “Azzi? Azzi? Hello? Are you there? Fuck. Azzi are you okay? Please say something. C’mon Az. I know you’re there. Can you hear me? Please be okay. Azzi? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Azzi?”

Azzi opens and closes her mouth, trying to answer to the call of her name, but nothing comes out. She feels hot and cold all over at the same and she swears there’s a hand curled around her neck because she can’t fucking breathe. 

“Azzi,” Paige says again desperately, “please say something.”

“P-Paige,” Azzi finally manages to stutter, her chest heaving as she gasps for air. There’s blood rushing to her ears and everything around her feels hazy. 

“Azzi,” and that one syllable is wrapped in so much emotion, “I’m here okay, are you okay?”

No, Azzi thinks, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. 

“I c-can’t breathe. I think” she grasps at her neck, “I th-think I’m having a panic attack.”

Paige curses under her breath, “okay, okay alright listen to me breathe okay? And try to match it okay?”

“O-okay,” Azzi whispers, pressing her head to her steering wheel as she tries to mimic Paige’s exaggerated deep breaths on the other end of the line. 

“Good girl, you’re doing so well for me Azzi, just keep breathing okay,” Paige’s voice is far calmer than she probably is in reality, “just keep breathing with me okay.”

Azzi closes her eyes as she feels her chest slowly start to loosen up and lets herself be immersed by Paige’s soothing words of comfort. And for a second, it almost feels as if her best friend is right there with her. For a second, Azzi imagines that they’re on a whole other planet, just them in their little world, like it always should have been, like she’d once been so sure it would be. It’s a beautiful dream that reality is quick to gatecrash. 

“Babe, is she okay?” Rose asks, and Azzi’s eyes fly open at the term of endearment. She’s not on a different planet. She’s alone. And Paige isn’t. 

“I’m fine,” Azzi breathes out and then more firmly, “I’m fine.”

“Thank God,” Paige lets out a sigh of relief before her tone turns sour “what the actual fuck Azzi?”

Azzi winces at the loudness, pretty sure she might have a concussion from the way her head had crashed back into her headrest as she’d crashed into the tree in front of her. 

“I’m fine,” she repeats assertedly, as everything around her slowly starts to make sense again. It’s not a lie really, at least not physically. There’s the potential concussion, and the litany of bruises she’s starting to feel all over her body but she’s pretty sure there’s nothing wrong internally. Well except for her stupid fucking heart but it wasn’t the accident that had fucked that organ up. 

“You just crashed your fucking car, no you’re not fucking fine,” Paige yells, voice thick with tears. 

“What the fuck do you care?” Azzi bites back, “sorry I interrupted your fucking night Paige. I swear it won’t happen again.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything else, sitting deathly still for a second. And then she lets herself completely break apart. 

***

74 missed calls from Paige

did u go to the hospital 

pick up ur fucking phone 

dude

azzi

this is not the time for this stubborn bullshit 

PICK UP UR FUCKING PHONE 

AZZI 

just say ur ok at least

please 

called ur mom 

said u had a concussion and some bruising 

thats not too bad 

ur so fucking stupid 

it could be so much worse 

please pick up 

AZZI FUCKING FUDD PICK UP UR PHONE 

so u can call carol and not me ok 

thats just fucking perfect

dude i feel like an accident > stupid fights 

so maybe just pick up 

or call me back

u wanna play this stupid game fine 

ignore me for now

but i’mma be in dc for christmas

ur gonna have to talk to me 

i know where u live 

***

The box in Azzi’s arm feels freakishly heavy, like she’s holding the whole world inside of it. In a way, maybe she is. The walk up Paige’s dad’s driveway feels longer than it ever has and she’s fighting the urge to turn back with every step. As soon as she’d seen the vaguely threatening text message, Azzi had decided she would beat Paige to it. The night of the accident had put several things into perspective and Azzi was determined to finally grasp control of her own life. 

It hasn’t been that long since the Cayman Island and so it hasn’t been that long since Azzi’s seen Paige. But when the door opens and she’s face to face with her best friend, despite the dread and anxiety that’s drowning her heart, Azzi still feels that beat of it’s cold but you always make me feel warm flutter in her chest. Paige smiles and Azzi’s arms wobble, drawing the blonde’s attention to the box in her arms. 

“Still a couple of days till Christmas Az, a little early to give me my present,” Paige smirks lightly and Azzi feels a river of hot anger slide around her veins. After everything she’d put her through in the last couple of weeks, the fact that Paige could act so frivolous, as if they were still fine, makes Azzi see red. 

Her voice is icier than the sheet of frost on the ground when she replies, “it’s not a Christmas present.”

Paige’s eyebrows knit together questioningly, “then-”

“It’s all your stuff I had lying around,” Azzi cuts in, trying to keep her voice confident and stable. 

The smile disappears from Paige’s face as she studies Azzi's face, looking for some semblance of emotion beyond the blank stare. 

“What?”

“All the things you’ve left at my house over the years, a couple of t-shirts, a hat, a book and a couple other things, they’re in this box,” Azzi says pointedly. She tries to hand it over but Paige is quick to move away from it, staring at the offending object as if it’s a ticking time bomb. 

“What the actual fuck is going on Azzi?”

“I might have missed some things. Let me know if I have and I’ll mail them to you in the future,” Azzi recites clinically, keeping her demeanour stoic as possible “and of course I would like my things back as well. Not right now of course. You can mail them to me whenever it suits you.”

“Mail back your things? What? What the fuck are you going on about?” Paige asks, a bewildered expression taking on her face. She reaches out as if she wants to shake Azzi but seems to think better of it. 

Azzi doesn’t say anything, as she sidesteps Paige into the house, putting in the utmost effort to make sure no part of herself brushes up against the older girl, knowing the inevitable burst of electricity when they touch would be enough to break her resolve. She places the box of Paige’s stuff on the coffee table in the living room, before turning back to Paige. 

“I’m giving you your stuff back,” Azzi repeats, “I’m giving you what you want.”

“What I want? When did I ask for my stuff back?”

Azzi draws in a deep breath, fighting desperately against the screams of you don’t want this in her own head, “I’m giving you a clean break Paige. I’m letting you go.”

Saying those words feels a lot like free-falling. Her stomach lurches at the way Paige’s features scrunch up in pain and she’d never meant to do that, but Azzi’s so tired. She’s so tired of this push and pull, the way they seem to hurt each other every fucking time, the way things get so close to going right and then go wrong any way. The bitter truth of life, Azzi has forced herself to admit, is that it doesn’t matter how hard you fight, sometimes the darkness wins out anyway. 

“You think-,” Paige stutters, clutching at her chest, “you think this is what I want?”

“Well isn’t it?” 

“Of course n-”

“If I hadn’t called you that night would you have called me first Paige?  If I hadn’t gotten into that stupid accident, would you even have texted me ever again?”

Paige’s silence is an answer in itself . And although Azzi had known it, she can’t deny that there’s a part of her that had posed the question hoping against hope that Paige would have answered it with a resounding yes of course. She thinks maybe she should be used to the singe of disappointment that burns her skin by now but she’s never been immune to Paige’s fire. 

“That’s what I thought,” Azzi says quietly, “I’m tired of running after you Paige. I thought I was done after the Cayman Islands but then I- I don’t know- I don’t know why I called you that night when you- you clearly didn’t want that.”

“Azzi c’mon-”

“It’s my fault really. Because you've always been clear about it and I- for some reason- I just don’t listen. You were clear with it when you told me to go to UCLA and get out of your life. You were clear when you didn’t want me to come into your air BnB. You were clear when you told me to get out of the bathroom last summer. And when you left that night-,” Azzi pauses as Paige’s eyes widen, the words catching in her throat, “when you were gone that morning- every time you didn’t call- every time you didn’t text- you were always clear about it Paige and I- I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

“You’re being really fucking unfair right now,” Paige accuses, “you’re mad because I didn’t want to be your fucking side whore? I’m so sorry I had more self-respect than that Azzi.”

Azzi blinks rapidly, her face still completely neutral, “excuse me?”

“You wanna blame me for those first two things, fine. But you have a whole ass girlfriend and you wanted me to be what? Just a girl you can fuck occasionally because you feel like it? Who the fuck do you think I am? I deserve so much better than that.”

“I don’t-”

“You wanna know why I left that morning?” Paige asks icily, “I woke up and the first thing I saw is your girlfriend’s fucking i miss you text. All that shit you said to me when I kissed you in LA about not wanting to be one of my groupies or whatever but what did you want me to be Azzi?”

When they were young and naive, the largest fight they’d ever had was about whether or not one of them had cheated in a game of horse. The allegations of cheater from a 15 year old Paige had seemed massive back then, but they pale in front of the accusations of cheater from a 22 year old Paige. It’s not that Azzi thinks she’s some prime example of a good samaritan and she can deal with people thinking she’s not all that, but it’s different when it’s Paige, it’s different to know that Paige could ever think so low of her. 

“You really think I’d do that you? That I’d make you my sidepiece or whatever?”

“What else am I supposed to think about you fucking me while you have a girlfriend?” Paige asks exasperatedly and Azzi flinches at the repeated use of the profanity. 

“Had.”

“What?”

Azzi grips the hem of her shirt, trying to focus her eyes anywhere but Paige, “I had a girlfriend. Past tense.”

“You- you broke up with Zoe?” Paige’s expression morphs from anger to confusion before finally settling on realisation. 

“I never wanted you to be a side piece. You think I don’t know you deserve better than that?” Azzi rubs her temple, as she tries to keep herself steady on her feet, “I know seeing that text hurt you but it’s not like you didn’t know I had a girlfriend. But- but if you’d just waited for me to wake up, god if you’d just talked to me once instead of jumping to conclusions then-”

“Then what?” Paige breathes out and Azzi doesn’t miss the little spurt of hope that’s taken birth on the older girl's face. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Azzi shakes her head, “that’s also past tense now.”

The thing with Paige is that anger is her protective mechanism. When she gets a little close to losing control of her emotions, or feeling too much, it’s what she falls back on so it’s not surprising that her tone is harsh when she speaks again. 

“How the fuck was I supposed to guess you were gonna break up with your girlfriend Az c’mon,” Paige takes a step towards her, “I’m not a fucking mind reader.”

“I never asked you to read my mind. I just- all I’ve ever wanted- is for you to just have a little faith in me- in us,” Azzi’s voice breaks on the last word. 

“That’s not fair. I was really fucking  hurt Azzi-” Paige begins, her voice pleading.

“And then you tried to hurt me back on purpose,” Azzi spits out as the façade of neutrality completely slips off, “you knew it was me calling and you had that girl pick up any way knowing exactly how it would make me feel.”

“Azzi,” baby blue eyes sparkle with tears and Azzi has to force herself to look away, because no matter how much she’s convinced that this is what needs to happen, seeing Paige break, will drown Azzi and she’s barely floating as it is. 

“I don’t enjoy hurting you Paige,” Azzi says softly, “and I don’t think you enjoy hurting me but for the last couple of years, I feel like that’s all we’ve been doing and I- I can’t do it anymore.”

It’s not something she’d ever admitted out loud, or even to herself, but once upon a time Azzi used to think her and Paige would have one of those stories, one of those soft, sappy fairytale-esque stories that had no chance of an ending that wasn’t happily ever after. And she hopes that maybe in another universe, maybe they did have that. Maybe in a universe where she chose UConn and things never went wrong in the first place. Maybe in that universe, they’re happy. But in this universe, they seem to be destined for misery. And Azzi thinks the saddest tragedy of it all, is that it feels like she’s ending a story that never even really got the chance to start. 

“So that’s it then, you’re walking away- you’re just- you’re fucking giving up?” Paige says bitterly, crossing her arms protectively over her chest and Azzi feels a flicker of annoyance light up against her ribcage. 

“Isn’t that what you did?” she accuses, “Is that not what you do? You walk away every. single. time. because you can’t deal with things getting just a little too fucking hard. And what? I’m just supposed to wait until you come back? Or chase after you like a pathetic little puppy?”

Paige flinches at the hardness in Azzi’s tone, mouth opening and closing but nothing escaping. 

“I’m so fucking tired of always being the one calling, the one showing up, the one trying. I’m so fucking tired of fighting for us when it feels like you’re fighting against me,” Azzi pauses,trying to blink away the tears she’d tried so hard to keep locked behind her eyelids, “if you wanna call that me giving up then okay, but I don’t think you realize just how fucking hard I want to hold on.”

Azzi’s not sure if it’s the way her voice cracks, or the absolute misery behind every word she says, but Paige's hard and cold expression is gone so fast it gives her whiplash. And then her Paige, the girl with the warm eyes and soft heart is back, looking at Azzi in a way that makes her want to believe in them all over again. Arms outstretched, Paige takes a step forwards and there’s nothing more Azzi wants then melt into them. It takes everything in her to step away instead. For a moment there’s nothing but them staring at each other in silence, a moment where Azzi tries to memorise everything about Paige just in case this is the last time. And then-

“What if,” Paige begins softly, “what if I entered the draft?”

Azzi looks at her in confusion, “what does that have to do with anything?”

“The Sparks have the second pick, it’s where I’m projected to go,” Paige bites at her lips, peering at Azzi through her eyelashes. 

The Sparks. The Los Angeles Sparks. 

“Is that what you want?” Azzi asks quietly, trying to prevent her brain from already coming up with dreams of stupid picnic dates at the park during sunset. 

Paige hesitates. And it’s enough for those dreams to crumble, because Azzi knows Paige just a little too well, knows exactly what that little bit of hesitation means. 

“I haven’t decided yet but if- if there was a reason that I should-”

“There isn’t,” Azzi says firmly, “it’s not what you want.”

“I don’t even fucking know what I want,” Paige argues and that doesn’t make it any better. 

“Then figure it out,” Azzi yells, frustratedly rubbing her hands over her face, “I won’t deal with you fucking resenting me and running away again in a couple of years- hell in a couple of months- because you regret your fucking decision.”

“I wouldn’t-”

“Please just stop. It's done. I’ve made up my mind” Azzi begs, exhaustion flooding into her body, “just- just let this go please.”

Paige meets her eyes with a stubborn fire, “I don’t fucking want to.”

“Well tough luck because I do.”

“Azzi,” Paige pleads desperately, trying to block Azzi as she beelines for the door, but the younger girl is quick to push past her. 

“Goodbye Paige.”

***

December 2024 

azzi please just let me in 

ur parent are saying u dont wanna see me 

and i get it 

but i can fix this i swear 

i know u know im here

please fucking let me in 

i fucked up 

i know 

im so fucking sorry

but dude we can fix this

just 

can u just fucking let me in

i really wanna see u 

i really wanna talk 

can we just fucking talk 

please 

merry christmas az

u know what fuck u actually 

didnt mean that sorry 

i was just mad 

u make me really fucking mad 

christmas breaks almost over 

i have to go back soon and ik u do too

we should talk before that 

ur so fucking stubborn 

but so am i

im not giving up 

i won’t 

January 2024

hi 

i miss you

ur really fucking annoying

not texting me back

but its fine

i’ll just fucking spam 

i had an ok day today 

practice was kinda ass 

not me tho

i was great

as always 

bet i made more threes than you did 

bro im watching ur game

and

what the fuck kinda airball did u just throw up 

get in the gym az jfc 

oh that was a good pullup

not better than mine

but decent 

been a fucking month azzi 

just fucking call me back 

or text me idk 

i miss u 

sooooooooooo

hows ur day

good? good.

hows mine?

oh kinda shit 

lets see

we lost in front of all these uconn legends

to their fucking rival 

everyones saying uconn fucking sucks 

some people are saying i suck

they might not be completely wrong 

now would be a good time to reply az 

like maybe make me feel better

fuck u actually 

what the fuck am i doing 

idk if u even read these 

February 2024

idk maybe i should stop 

like maybe only fucking psychos do this 

but idk bro 

i feel like ur gonna text me back eventually 

well sc was a shit show 

i mean we knew it but holy shit 

i really wanna talk to you about it

it’d mainly just be me fucking yelling 

and u giggling 

fuck i miss ur laugh

i miss you

idk if u just ignore these

so idk if ur gonna even see this 

but 

i wanted to tell you first 

before u saw it from somewhere else 

im staying at uconn 

u were right

i didnt want to leave yet 

i want my 4 years

but 

just dont think it means i didnt mean what i said

that i dont wanna be in la with u

i do

its not about that

i just need to do whats best for me

and thats staying here 

fuck

i get what u meant now

u didnt pick ucla over me

fuck fuck fuck 

im sorry az

is this how u felt 

when i didn’t text u back 

because it’s actually fucking hell 

i miss you so fucking much dude

i’m so sorry 

i’m really fucking sorry azzi 

for all of it

please just call me back

March 2024

last pac-12 tournament mvp!!

dude i’m so proud of you

we also won 

idk if u heard 

it wasnt easy either 

everything just always fucking goes wrong 

fucking pisses me off 

but oh well 

u know i dont even like texting 

idk how many messages ive sent u 

its gotta be hundreds atp 

insane shit on my part 

tf is wrong with me 

did u see the bracket

see u in the final 4 azzi 

April 2024 

i fucking told u 

i told you id see u in the final four

fucking meant it

fuck 

gonna kick yalls ass

revenge szn

we’re built different in march

cleveland here we fucking go 

but also

cant avoid me anymore 

i cant fucking wait to see you az  

***

UConn 87     UCLA 84 

There’s six seconds left to go and UCLA has control of the ball. The game today had been completely different from the on down in the Cayman Islands. That one had featured a UCLA team that had dominated from start to finish versus a UConn team still reeling from multiple injuries. This time around, UCLA seemed to have lost some of their shine and UConn had been on a tear. She would never give Paige the satisfaction of knowing it but her stupid goading, her incessant smirking because UConn seemed poised to win handedly, had gotten in Azzi’s head for most of the game. The fourth quarter had seen UConn enter with a 11 point lead that had held study until the last two and a half minutes when something had finally clicked for Azzi. 

“Told you, you should have fucking come to UConn,” Paige had sneered while casually dribbling the ball and that had been enough to break Azzi out of whatever funk she’d been in. All of her anger and frustration at Paige seemed to culminate into that one moment as she’d swiped the ball straight from Paige’s hands, narrowly avoiding a foul. An easy steal-and-score layup was followed by two signature three pointers, created by her team’s defence, and suddenly the lead had been cut down to three. On the other side, Muhl had been called for an offensive foul and immediately Coach Close had called for a timeout to advance the ball. 

When both teams get back on the court, Azzi, with her competitive streak in full control of her emotions, relishes in the way Paige’s face is contorted up in frustration. But it isn’t just this game that has Azzi irritated. Paige had been relentless since both teams had landed in Cleveland in trying to corner Azzi. She’d known it was gonna happen since she’d read the text but still Azzi had hoped that maybe the blonde would just let it go, would understand just how much Azzi didn’t want to have to deal with this. Because seeing Paige hurts. All the missing and yearning of the past few months seemed to have blended into this ball of tight hot pain that had burst the minute Paige had smiled at Azzi. She knows Paige means well, and it’s taking everything in her to ignore the part of her that’s secretly enamoured by how hard the point guard is trying finally, but Azzi just can’t do it again. She can’t let Paige in again and then spend every other second scared that Paige will run away again. 

The whistle blows and Charisma gets ready to inbound the ball. The play call had been to just get it to Azzi but it’s clearly one that UConn had anticipated, because she finds herself swarmed with Paige and Muhl both trying to make sure she doesn’t get the ball. Instead, it’s Kiki who gets the ball and the countdown starts, as Azzi fights to get herself free, running off of screens, to get herself open on the three point line. It takes too much time and they don’t have any more timeouts left. Kiki throws it inside to Lauren who misses the layup but gets her own rebound and somehow the ball finally finds its way into Azzi’s hands. And with barely a second left to go, and Paige’s hand firmly in her face, Azzi throws up a prayer. The arena goes deathly silent as the ball hits the back and then circles every inch of the rim before spilling over the edge and falling straight into Edwards’ hands. 

The crowd erupts in deafening cheers as the UConn bench rushes to the court, jubilantly hugging each other with Paige in the middle. Azzi blinks rapidly, refusing to be caught shedding a single tear on camera. Her teammates look distraught and Azzi feels disappointment curling into every crevice of her skin she’d almost had it. In the grand scheme of things she knows that, that shot would have only guaranteed overtime and not a win but still, it wouldn’t have meant a loss. And she knows this one isn’t completely on her either but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel the burden of it on her shoulders any way. 

But despite it all, seeing Paige’s bright smile stretch all over her beaming face as she celebrates with her team, soothes the sting of the loss just a little bit. Azzi still remembers late night calls and Paige’s broken voice too well, her brain imprinted with the misery of a girl who had just wanted to play the sport she loved and couldn’t. And even if everything between them resembles the remnants of an earthquake, Azzi can’t help but be just a little bit happy for Paige. 

The handshake line is better this time around with no one being unnecessarily hostile. One team is too happy to care and when Muhl briefly hugs her, Azzi can’t help but be a little shocked by the affection. Her team is too despondent to be mad, and Angela briefly nods at Paige when shaking her hand, and gets a reassuring grin in return. Azzi has to force herself not to run away, if only for decorum’s sake, once she and Paige finally get to each other. Trying to keep herself steady, she reaches out her hand to counter Paige’s outstretched arms. The smile falls a little bit from Paige’s face as a more resigned expression takes its place. 

“Good game Bueckers,” Azzi manages to muster out. 

The last name stings but Paige does her best to not let it show, “good game Az.”

***

When there’s a knock on the door to her hotel room a little bit after 10pm, Azzi knows exactly who it is. The look that Charisma gives her as she goes to open it, suggests that she does too. 

“Oh thank fucking god, I thought maybe y’all left already,” and there it is, Paige voice echoing through her room and from where she’s perched on the edge of bed, her feet dangling over the side, Azzi catches a brief glimpse of the UConn point guard. 

“Had a little bit of a transportation issue. We’re not leaving til tomorrow morning,” Charisma explains, “what are you doing here Paige?”

Paige shuffles her feet nervously at the doorway, peering over Charisma’s frame in the doorway to catch sight of Azzi, “can I talk to Azzi?”

“First you kick my ass in the final four, and now you wanna kick me out of my own room?” Charisma asks, voice light but there’s an edge of seriousness to it. 

“I-uh-” 

“Az,” Charisma turns to Azzi with a questioning look, and Azzi sighs at having all the attention on her, “you wanna talk to her?”

Say no. Say yes. Her head fights with itself. And for the last few months, Azzi’s done well with listening to the logical part of her brain, diligently sticking to letting go. But that had only been easy to do because Paige hadn’t actually been there. Now that she is, with bright hopeful eyes fixed on Azzi, well, this time the emotional side wins out. She nods her head in yes at Charisma and Paige seems to glow all over. 

“You’re lucky it’s me and not Angela or Kiki or any of the other girls,” Charisma warns, “but I swear to god Bueckers if I come back and there’s a single tear-”

“Then you have my permission to fucking murder me,” Paige vows, her face a paragon of sincerity. 

Charisma nods once, stepping aside to let Paige in. The Bruin’s point guard looks at Azzi once more for confirmation and then, satisfied by the small smile Azzi shoots at her, she leaves the room, letting the door shut behind her. And then it’s just Paige and Azzi and the myriad of unspoken thoughts that seem to always linger between them. 

“Hi,” Paige says softly. 

Azzi stares up at her with tired eyes, “shouldn’t you be celebrating or something?”

“Still one more game to go. Gotta lock in for that first.”

“Then go do that. What are you doing here?”

Paige flinches at the harsh tone and Azzi feels a wave of guilt come over her. She doesn’t mean to be so hostile but she’s scared that if she gives in just a little, all of her will go tumbling down. 

“Sunday is the most important game of my life,” Paige says quietly. 

“I know- I know it means a lot to you.”

“It does,” Paige nods, as she takes a step forward, hesitating for a second, before she drags a foot stool over, so she can sit right in front of Azzi, “will you stay for it?”

“That’s not-,” Azzi sucks in a deep breath, her senses muddle by having Paige so close to her again, “I thought I was clear about- about us.’

“You were but I thought I was clear with my texts,” Paige counters. 

“Paige please.”

“I just-,” Paige pauses, leaning forward and staring intently at Azzi, “I don’t know how the national championship is gonna go. I don’t know if we’re gonna win or lose but I just- I know that no matter what happens, I want you there. Because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. I just- I just want you there. With me. Always.”

Everything else floats away and for a moment, all Azzi knows is Paige, and the warmth that reverberates through her body at the earnestness in those words. If she could, she’d capture that feeling in a bottle and keep it forever. Because moments are fleeting. And when her brain catches up to her heart, and that voice in her head is back to echoing it won’t last, Azzi feels cold all over again. 

“You don’t believe me,” disappointment echoes in Paige’s voice; she’s always been a little too perceptive of Azzi’s emotions, “you think I don’t mean it?”

“I think you mean it now. I don’t think you’ll mean it forever,” Azzi shrugs. 

Paige is quiet, nerves on full display, as she cautiously reaches for Azzi’s hands with both of her own, an audible sigh of relief floating out of her lips when Azzi lets her. 

“I know I fucked up,” she begins quietly, thumb caressing Azzi’s palms, each trace sending jolts of electricy through the younger girl’s body, “like really fucked up and I get why you think that. I get why- why you’re so scared to believe me. And I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

A teardrop rolls down Paige’s cheek, falling onto their intertwined hands, and Azzi feels herself flinch, her own eyes beginning to glisten. 

“If I could go back in time, I’d change so many fucking things. I’d go back to the beginning- back to your room the night before you went to LA and- and I’d tell myself to shut the fuck up. I’d tell you that I supported you- that I understood that you weren’t choosing UCLA over me- and I’d- I’d tell you that it didn’t matter how many fucking miles away from me you were- we’d survive it. But I can’t- I can’t change the past. I can’t change that we fought. I can’t change that- that I was a fucking idiot for ignoring you for a year. I can’t change that I was a dumbass for leaving that morning.”

Tears are freely streaming from both of their eyes now as they grip each other’s hands tightly. There’s something cathartic about finally being able to cry, about finally being able to mourn the loss of what could have been together.And it feels a little bit like healing. 

Paige looks up at Azzi through watery eyelashes as she continues to speak, her voice wrecked with emotion, “and I’m not gonna make promises about how I’ll never do shit to hurt you again because god knows I can be really fucking stupid.”

They let out simultaneous giggles at that and Azzi can feel something in herself unravelling. 

“But what I can promise is that if you let me, every day- every fucking day that I live- I will try. To not hurt you. To make it up to you. To fix this. To fix us. And I can promise, that I will never ever fucking run away from you again. I know- I know it’s gonna be hard but I swear- I fucking swear- that I will stay right here and face it with you.”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers helplessly. It’s everything she’s wanted to hear and it’s too much. The voices in her head are too loud again, screams of she’ll hurt you, she always does, let her go colliding with shouts of it’s Paige, it’s your Paige, hold on to her. 

“You said- you said you were tired of fighting alone but you never- you never have to do that again because- because I’m here now. Fuck- Azzi I’m here. And I know- I know there’s so much we have to talk about and so much we still have to fucking deal with. But we can do that- we can- we can deal with anything. Because it’s us. Paige and Azzi. We can do anything. Together.”

Paige presses her forehead to Azzi’s, pulling their interlocked hands to her chest. They’re breathing in sync and Azzi can feel the thrum of Paige’s heart beat against her fingertips. Azzi’s eyes close of their own accord, as Paige’s lips brush over hers, her next words coming out in a breathless whisper. 

“Believe in me- believe in us just one more time, please.”

[megs-1800]

Forever & Always

Summary: You and Mason have been broken up for 6 months. When you rekindle at a party, can you put your past behind you and can you overcome all the obstacles in the way?

Pairing: Mason Mount x Reader

Word Count: 7.5k

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Swearing and Smut

I walk through my door and let the exhaustion hit me,  its been a week of hell at work and I am finally done for the weekend. I drag my feet through the hallway, and collapse as soon as I reach my bed. Hating myself for not leaving the heating on as its now ice throughout the flat on this winters night.

I tap my phone and see the time, its 9pm. I cannot believe I am getting home from work at this time. I was suppose to finish 4 hours ago but as usual everything is left to me. I haven’t even eaten dinner, I haven’t eaten all day at that. I fight with my head whether I want to make dinner or if I want to sleep. I finally agree that sleep it is, I force myself to get ready for bed as I insist on not sleeping with my makeup on. As I crawl into bed and put Netflix on, I can feel myself start to drift off that’s when my phone bings. As I tap the screen I see the text message from Paige “ Hiya Babes, I will pick you up from the train station at 11am. I cannot wait to see you!!!! I cannot wait to celebrate my birthday with you xx”. There goes my lie in, I thought, its like a 3 hour train journey to get to Manchester so nice early start for me, but quickly reply explaining that I cannot wait to see her too.

Paige is dating some kind of famous DJ, I met her at a party a couple of years ago. Her boyfriend Jason is close with the England squad so Mason always got invited to his events and parties. When Mason and I moved to Manchester, I got really close with Paige. Even since I moved back home after me and Mason broke up she was my biggest support and always stayed in touch. Due to this I agreed to come stay the weekend down at Manchester for her birthday. She is having a big birthday party that Jason is arranging. I just got to figure out how I am going to see Mason again.

We broke up 6 months ago, it absolutely shattered me. We had been dating for little over 2 years, it was a silly fight. We should of never broken up but both of us could not admit we were wrong. Mason let the stress of United get to him, and with all the injuries. I did my best to support him but he became massively distant. Due to my job, I wanted to separate my life with Mason, so people close to us knew about us but the media never knew. He always ensured to take photos of me with my face hidden. That’s when the media released that photo of Mason hugging some bird outside a nightclub. He always denied it, but where he was so distant I really thought it could be true. We had a massive argument about this and that’s when Mason accused me of cheating with one my colleagues that I had gotten close to. I tried to assure him I only wanted him and nothing more but I guess we just didn’t trust eachother. I can feel the tears in my eyes remembering that night, we both were screaming at eachother.

The next thing I know I am being woken up to my alarm, I quickly shower and get ready to leave. I can feel the cold air hit me as I walk out the train station. I quickly spot Paige standing next to her car waving at me. “y/n over here” I hear her shout, I quickly jog over to her and wrap her up. “Omg babes I have missed you so much. So tell me y/n/n whats new?”. I put my bags in the back and get in her car and we have a catch up. We go out for brunch and do a little shopping before her party. I found this dress whilst we were out, it was a tight black dress that stopped just below the bum. It was covered in lace which gave it a little detail, I never normally wear a dress like this but I wanted to impress tonight. As I walk out the changing room I can see Paige eyeing me up and down, “oh yasss y/n/n you gotta get that! You look fit as fuck. No one is going to be able to keep their hands or eyes off you.” I giggle at her reply, “well I do not want to outstage the birthday girl”. Paige shoots me a smile and rolls her eyes “as if anyone is going to ever outstage me” she laughs, I always loved her confidence.

We get ready, I pair my new black dress with a pair of red bottoms louis Vuitton’s that Mason got me when we first got together. I curled my hair and put on subtle make up. I never wore too much. Paige had a gold strappy maxi dress on covered in glitter, she had her hair curled also, she looked breathtaking. That’s when her boyfriend Jason walked through the door and stopped when he saw Paige “Damn look at you girl!!!!” and gives her a kiss. He then turns to me “you look lovely too y/n, thank you for coming” I give him a smile and thanked him for inviting me.

We turn up to the venue and people start filtering in, I feel very out of place as most of these women are famous or dating someone famous so they all look incredible. I quickly see one of Paige’s friend Jade who was her childhood friend which I get on well with so I quickly stand next to her and have drinks with her. I am scanning the room watching everyone coming, its nice to see Paige having such a good time. My eyes quickly stopped when I saw him, no he cannot be here. I cannot believe Mason is here. We quickly catch eyes and I now wish I could read minds, I am wondering what he is thinking?

Mason’s POV

I didn’t want to do go out, I have struggled to be social ever since me and y/n broke up, I do not know why I let my ego get in the way. I was just struggling with the move to Manchester and all the hate I was getting so I took it out on you. We were just constantly arguing, I never wanted to break up I just wanted the arguments to stop.

I am glad I came, it looks lively and good vibes throughout. Its Jason’s girlfriend Paige’s birthday and we all know Jason could throw a party. I am jamming with Dec and a couple of the other guys from the England squad. A lot of them came on their own without their girlfriends. Probably trying to pull I think I don’t get how they can have a perfect women at home and still trying to pull more. I could never of done that, I was always loyal. Me and y/n kept our relationship quiet as didn’t want the press to talk, I was trying to protect her in that way. But I would never even think of getting with another women, in my eyes y/n was always perfect. That’s what hurt me about that argument, we had a fight before I went out to the club you were feeling insecure and wanted me to stay home. Now all I wish is I stayed home, but I met Rachel in the club she was an agent of one the guys that I played with, nothing happened and we were just chatting about my move to Manchester. I went to walk her to her taxi and hugged her goodbye. I know it looked bad but nothing happened, I could swear on that.

My mind is taken out of my day dreaming as Dec is asking me questions trying to engage me in the conversation. I am laughing away trying my hardest to put myself into the conversation, that’s when I see her. My eyes meet her, I can feel my heart beating erratically. This cannot be real, am I imagining this?. That’s when you smile and put your head down and walk away towards the bar. I cannot believe you are here. I knew you are Paige were close when you were in Manchester but I wasn’t sure if you would stay in touch.

I keep watching you the whole night, I feel like a stalker. I can see peoples eyes on you too, I cannot blame them you look out of this world. The dress compliments your body perfectly and the way your hair curls around your face. Damn makes me realise what I have lost. I wonder if you have moved on? I wonder if you have slept with anyone since? I know I have slept with a couple of girls but that was just me trying rebound to get over you, but the thought of someone else being intimate like that with you makes me feel physically sick.

Dec turns my attention back to him “why don’t you just go talk to her instead of staring at her all night its getting creepy?”. I laugh at his comment, “I don’t even know what to say Dec, she looks so beautiful I don’t even know what to say”. I can see the pity in his eyes “Well maybe go over there and be like y/n I love youuuu so much and haven’t stopped talking about it since we broke uppppp so I think we should just start dating again”. Dec joked I laughed and rolled my eyes but I am really not in the mood for joking.  

With that I make my way over the bar, I can feel my heart beating in my chest which is getting faster the closer I get to you. You spot me and follow me with your eyes as I walk upto you. You look down all shy, but I can see the small smile creepy over your face. “What can I get you? The usual?” I offered trying to break the ice. “Sounds good thank you”.

I quickly wave the bartender over and order you a double vodka and lemonade and got myself the same, you quickly made a comment about it being a double but I hoped the alcohol will calm the nerves. You so amazing I do not know what to say. I am about to open my mouth to see if you wanna go somewhere a little more quiet to chat when this guy approaches.

He snakes an arm around your waist that makes you jump but I see you settled into his arms, obviously recognising who he is. He then looks at me, he was a colleague of yours, when we had our big fight when you accused me of cheating with that Rachel, I accused you of cheating with him. I knew he had a massive crush on you it was obvious by the way he spoke to you. What was he doing here?

“See I told you I would make it baby” he turns you around so you are facing him completely ignoring me. “Damn look at you! You look fucking sexy! I cannot wait to undress you later”.  He quickly pulls you in for a deep passionate kiss. I can see you pushing him away, you have never had a problem with PTA with me, you always loved me kissing and hugging you so I am assuming you are just not comfortable with the situation. I am not really impressed with his comment, yes I agree you look bloody incredible but I hate hearing others say that, it doesn’t sound right.

I am in shock, you are here with the guy you told me not to worry about. Did you cheat? Was I right. I quickly walked away from the situation, I cannot let myself get hurt again. It killed me when we broke up I cannot go through that again. I shoot you a smile, and I think I hear you say thank you for the drink but it was inaudible. I make my way back to the table with Dec and the boys. “That didn’t look good.” Dec tried to console me. “I just cannot believe she has actually moved on mate I guess I just loved her more then she loved me.” I sound defeated which I guess I am. One of the boys on the table I do not recognise butted in “Damn look at this peace of ass, what I wouldn’t give to get onto that”. I know he is referring to you, I shoot him a death look, I hate when people disrespect you like that. He isn’t wrong, you have got a sexy ass but you are so much more then that.

Your POV

I cannot believe Daniel is here, I didn’t even really invite him he took it the wrong way. Me and Daniel aren’t really together well not officially. He took me out for dinner, and we slept together and since then he thinks we are a couple. I am not ready for that, I am still no way over Mason yet. Seeing him there was what I needed, I need to speak to him, I need him to know how I feel. I made a comment to Daniel in the week about going to Paige’s birthday and how I was worried about seeing Mason. I was confiding in a friend and he took that as I needed him here apparently.

I quickly explain to Daniel that I need some air, and that I will be up soon. He is already socialising with others at that party so didn’t seem to bothered. I went outside and lit up a cigarette, I let my heart stop racing as I inhale the nicotine. As I take another large pull that’s when I see Mason emerge from the door, I suddenly start chocking. Mason laughs and passes me a bottle of water. “I have seen you have had quite a lot tonight so here, you will thank me for this in the morning.” I smile and thank him, I get butterflies in my stomach. Why does he have to be so nice.

He then turns to the cigarette in my hand, “you really shouldn’t be smoking that. It will kill you, you know.” I roll my eyes but quickly put the cigarette out. “Well I am not really your problem anymore Mase, so I wouldn’t worry.”

At that Mason looks annoyed, “yeah you are now that Daniel’s problem” he snapped. I can sense a little jealously in his voice. “Well I am a single girl Mason I can do what I want”. I can sense Mason’s demeanour change. “Yeah and apparently that means dating your co-workers that you told me not to worry about!”. Mason’s voice has now gotten raised and I can see some people outside listening to our conversation, I am not sure if they are press or not but Mason doesn’t seem to care.

“Whats that suppose to mean Mason?!” I am now starting to raise my voice to match Mason’s tone.  “How long have you been together?” Mason demanded. “If you are asking if I cheated on you Mason then no. We are not even together, we went out for one dinner, got way to drunk and slept together and now he thinks we are an item. We are not official Mason, but you know what I do not need to justify anything to you! You are the one who left as you couldn’t tell your ego you was wrong. So you know what go FUCK YOURSELF MOUNT!” which I shouted the last part and I stormed back inside leaving Mason in my tracks. I can see some camera’s flashing in the distance which may be paps which I know Mason will be really unimpressed with especially as we have just caused a scene.

As I stormed through the club, I spot Daniel. He is sitting there with a girl on each arm. I am not jealous not by a mile but I need to make a point with Mason. When he spots me he waves me over and introduces me to his new girls. Chances are he is going home with both of them later. He is a massive ladies man, I swore I would never sink so low to ever date a guy like Daniel that’s why I was so annoyed I agreed to dinner and allowed myself to get that drunk to sleep with him. I just wanted to get over Mason and I thought that would help but just seemed to make it worse. He acts like we are a couple at work and all that but will still go out with other girls at the weekend, its mad I know but we have no label so I cannot really moan.

“I need you”. I moan seductively into his ear. He looks confused at me and quickly explains to the girls he is with he will come and find them later and shoots them a wink. “Does that mean us is still on the table”. He looks me up and down like I am so kind of meat which makes me roll my eyes. That’s when he looks over my shoulder and sees me give Mason a look, “aww I got ya. Wanna make him jealous! I am all up for putting on a show!”. That I appreciate Daniel for, not many questions asked and he is always on board.

The rest of the night I spend dancing with Daniel, we are putting on a show all right. I can see so many eyes on us. Even Paige has mentioned that we need to get a room which makes me giggle. I am watching Mason the whole time, I have my back to Daniel as he guides my hips to the music grinding my ass into him but my eyes are locked with Mason. I can see the anger in his eyes, damn I am making him jealous. I can see him getting more and more worked up. I turn towards Daniel so we are facing eachother and we continue to dance as I can feel his hands on my ass as we deepen the kiss. I cannot see Mason’s face but I am assuming whatever I am doing is working, as I break the kiss with Daniel and turn around Mason is gone. I am guessing he cannot take the show any longer.

I whisper into Daniel’s ear that I am going to pop to the loo, as I am finished and walking back to the dance floor. I feel someone grab my waist and drag me to the side, I go to scream but I feel a had around my mouth and as I turn around I see its Mason. I quickly push him off of me. “What the hell are you doing? Do not touch me!” I shout, clearly the double vodka’s are kicking in as I do not know where I got this confidence from.

“What you want me to do just sit around all evening watching you dance with that guy, watching his hands all over you and not do anything. I know you were doing it to make me jealous, okay y/n you won! Now come on lets go home!” He comes closer to me and backs me into the wall so I am blocked in and have no where to go. I can feel his breathe on my neck which is giving me goosebumps. “Who said I was doing it to make you jealous?! I was just dancing with him, having fun?” I say cheekily, I know exactly what I was doing.

“Come on y/n/n, stop acting all innocent. I know that was all a show. You have had one too many too drink and acting all confident, okay its worked y/n I admit it now cut it out. We both know you are going to be coming home with me at the end at the night so why don’t we just cut it short and I will order a taxi now?”. At this we are stood face to face, I cannot deny him anymore, I grab the back of his neck and pull him in.

I can feel his tongue fighting for entrance which I give him, and we deepen the kiss. I can feel his hand on my bum as he pull himself closer to me. I can sense the urgentness of the kiss for us both, we needed eachother now.

Once we pull away for air, Mason is staring at you to say what is next? I explained that I needed to say goodbye to Paige and then I would meet him downstairs. Mason nodded and explained he needed to say goodbye to the boys. As I walk back into the party I see Daniel already moving onto another girl who he is dancing away at, I wave and mouth that I am leaving which he blows me a kiss and waves me goodbye. I eventually find Paige and explain that I am leaving, she forces out of me where I am going which she squeals with excitement and said for me to ring her in the morning and tell her everything which I agree.

Once downstairs I see Mason is already there, he explains that he has called a taxi but thinks it will be good if we get in separately to prevent further paps seeing anything. Once the taxi arrives he tells me to wait there and puts his jacket around my shoulders and says the taxi will do a lap round the block and then I can get in, “ring me if there is any issues. I mean anything y/n I will be like 5 mins”. I nod and the cold air is suddenly hitting me. I can feel the alcohol now having an effect on me.

Before I know it the taxi has done its lap and waiting outside for me. I quickly run and jump in the taxi hoping to warm up as I am now freezing. Once inside the taxi Mason and I cannot keep our hands off eachother, trying to remember eachothers bodies and we are fighting for air. We pull up outside Mason’s house before I knew it. I sense of anxiety suddenly rushes over me when I realise that it used to be our house.

I walk inside slowly and Mason can sense something is wrong, “whats up? You having second thoughts?” I shake my head as believe me the only thing I know right now is that I need Mason but it just feels weird being here. “I just cannot believe the last time we were both stood here together was that night. It just all feels a bit to real now”. I didn’t even know I was crying until Mason quickly wrapped his arms around me and used his thumb to wipe away my tears. “We don’t have to do anything you know. If you not comfortable, its fine honestly.”

I shake my head and give him a malicious smile, and attack his lips again. I know he needs me as much as I need him. We continue to remember eachothers bodies still standing in the entrance hall, we start to discard the clothing and Mason leads me up the stairs still not breaking the kiss. Before I know it we reached the bedroom and Mason throws me onto the bed and jumps on top, we continue to kiss and I can feel myself getting wet just by the anticipation of whats to come.

Mason starts to kiss down my body and puts my nipple in his mouth as he plays with the other one through his fingers. I try to supress the moan but I can’t. “Don’t be quiet baby, I wanna hear you.” Which makes me moan louder. He comes up and continues to kiss me, he bites my lip and then I go to his neck leaving a love bite as he continues to grind into me. I can feel how hard he is getting.

He reaches down to take my underwear off, and starts to play with my folds. He puts a finger slowly into me which makes me moan into his neck. “Damn someone is wet”. I can see the cocky smile on his face knowing the effect he has on me. “Well I cannot help what you do to me Mount”. Mason lines himself up with your core and places himself on top of you, as he slowly thrusts in the sudden change in size makes me whimper. “Fuck y/n that feels so good. I forgotten how fucking good that pussy feels”. He gives me a minute to adjust to his size and then starts to move, I cannot suppress the moans that are escaping my mouth and that is just encouraging him more. “Fuck Mason, harder please” I need him to destroy me tonight. Mason agrees with my demand and starts pounding me. “Go on baby cum for me, I know you want to. Come on I wanna feel that pussy cum all over this cock”.

The sound of Mason dirty talking me is edging me closer, Mason then hits the spot and I cannot contain it anymore and cum all over his dick. I am seeing stars trying to hold onto the duvet for dear life as I am coming down from high. “Uh right there y/n, fuck you are so perfect”. I feel his dick twitch as he reaches his high, luckily he pulls out just in time and cums all over my chest. He rolls over as we both lay there breathless. I am the first one to speak “fuck I forgot how good our sex is”.

Mason looks over at me and giggles knowing the affect he had on me, “I had to give you something, you looked breathtaking all night. I had to make you remember why you were mine”. I am giggling along with him still coming down with my high. We quickly run to the bathroom and get cleaned up. “You hungry baby girl?”

I nod agreeing, he looks at his phone and turns to me “Carlos’ is still open you fancy sharing a pizza. I think carbs will be good for you to soak up the alcohol.” The thought of Carlos’ makes me mouth water the pizza was my favourite. “Its like you read my mind Mount”. Mason began making the order on his phone.

As he is doing this I am lying in bed with one of his tops on scrolling through my feed, that’s when a news article catches my eye. Mason Mount Caught Arguing Outside Club With Mystery Women Just Days After His Date With Girlfriend VS Model Jennifer Green. My mouth drops, he has a girlfriend What The Fuck.

Mason can see that the atmosphere has suddenly become tense, “everything okay?” Mason asked. I don’t even know I am still in shock, I cannot believe it. I turn my phone around which Mason grabs a quick glance at the headline. He looks down “y/n I can explain its not what you think”. I am not even listening to what he is saying as I quickly see a pair of his joggers on the floor which I put on as I just need some clothes to leave as quick as I can. “There is nothing to say Mase, you used me to get what you want. Well you got it enough said, I just cannot believe I was that stupid”. I spat that last part defeated. I cannot believe I let Mason hurt me like that again. “Don’t call me Mason we are done”.

I can hear him shouting after me as I am walking out his house, but I just keep walking to make sure I do not give in. I cannot believe I let him get that close to me again.

The next couple of days have been back to normal, work has been non-stop stressful. Paige keeps messaging me asking what happened between me and Mason which I cannot bring myself to actually admit what happened so I just keep dodging the question. I blocked Masons number and on socials as he kept ringing and messaging me. I have been cheated on before and he knows that, how can he make me the other women? I feel awful I cannot believe he put me in the situation.

I am curled up on the sofa, it’s the first time in weeks I am actually home from work at a reasonable time. I am in my pyjamas all wrapped up in a blanket watching Netflix when I hear a knock at my door. I am so confused to who it can be here at this time. I quickly go to open it, shocked to see Mason standing there in the rain. I try to shut the door but he pushed the door preventing me from closing it. “Please y/n, I have drove nearly 3 hours. Standing in the rain, at least let me come in and explain myself please”. You give in as he has come a long way and its raining you do feel bad.

You walk him through the flat, so you are in the living room. “Do you want a drink or anything? I have your clothes that I went home in the other day if you wanna get changed out of the wet clothes?” As much as I am angry with him right now, I hate how much I care.

“I am alright, I am only wet from the run from the car. But I will take a cup of tea please.”  I nod and quickly make us both a cup of tea and settle on the sofa next to him.

“Thank you for letting me in, you blocked me on everything I have been trying to ring you. I need to explain myself it is not what you think.”

I roll my eyes, “what do you mean its not what I think. You have a girlfriend Mason and then let me sleep with you. You made me the other woman. You know I have been cheated on before, I know how it feels how could you make me do that! I hate you for that Mason” my voice is becoming a little raised and I am trying to focus on keeping it low. As I really do not want a fight right now.

“Please do not say you hate me y/n/n please. Honestly its not what you think just give me a chance to explain”. I can see the hurt in his voice so I let him continue. After all he did come a long way, “go on then Mase, explain”.

I can see the relief on my Mason’s face that I am letting him continue and not shutting him down, “thank you. Look we are not together, she isn’t my girlfriend.” I nod, but the problem is I have head that so many times before. “Have you been out with her?” Mason nods but stays silent, “have you slept with her?” He lowers his head like he is embarrassed and nods again, still remaining silent.

“Well then Mase, it seems like a bit of a relationship to me.” Mason is playing with the cup in his hands not making eye contact with me. I can see he is thinking of his next words carefully. “Y/n/n its not what you think, I was a mess after things ended I wasn’t doing anything promotion related I only left the house if it was training or games and even then my head wasn’t in it. Management thought it would be good idea if I was spotted with Jennifer. Her management team agreed thought it would be good publicity for her also to be spotted with a footballer. We spoke over the phone a little, it was nice to take my mind of you for a little if I am being honest. We went out on a couple of dates, which the paps were always called which we assumed were our management teams. It was all staged none of it was real”.

I am trying to process what Mason is saying, but something doesn’t add up. “Okay Mase, I understand the whole dating thing. So why did you sleep with her, there were no paps during that so no one would know so that didn’t need staging. So I guess that means you just wanted to have sex with her?”

I can see Mason knows I got him there, “I don’t know baby, honestly I don’t know. We went out for dinner and I don’t know it just happened. I thought of you the whole time though”. He says the last part softly. I can see he is not enjoying this conversation.

“Of course you did”. I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes. “How many people did you sleep with since we ended?” I asked, I can see he is taken back by this question, he is quick to respond with a snarky comment. “what kind of question is that? How many people did you sleep with?” he was becoming defensive.

I laughed at him “1.. I slept with one person Mase. Daniel, and that was after a bottle worth of vodka. I instantly regretted it in the morning. Your turn!” Mason looks down like he doesn’t want to answer. “5, I slept with five people. Including Jennifer. None of them compared to you though. Honestly y/n you are the best person I have ever had sex with, you are the only person I want to have sex with. Everytime I was them, I was imagining it was you.”

“Of course you did Mason, you are telling me you had a Victoria Secret model on top of you and you are sitting there imaging it was me. Fuck off Mase how gullible do you think I am?!”. Mason shuffles closer to me on the sofa and places his hand on my thigh. “Y/n you are the most sexiest women I have ever met and ever been with. Your body is incredible and you are just so beautiful inside and out. Believe me, you are the only women I want to have sex with again. You are the only one it means something with.”

I can feel the tears rolling down my face, I cannot help it. Mason looks at me sympathetically, and holds my head in his hand using his thumb to wipe away the tears as they roll down my face. He places a slow soft kiss to my lips, I kiss him back. He is like air to me, I just cannot help but breathe him in. “I know you have driven a long way Mase, but I need time. We were toxic Mason when we moved to Manchester, it all got way too much. That fight you just walked away as if I meant nothing, it was a silly fight it never should of happened but instead of staying and fighting for us you walked away like it was the easiest thing to do, like I meant nothing to you. Then to lead me on and everything and then to find out you got a girlfriend its not fair Mason. I deserve better than that.”

“I know you do y/n, you deserve so much better. I promise you, if you want to work on this again I will do so much better. I will be the guy you need me to be. I promise to always fight for us just please give me this chance.”

His words are good, but I just generally do not know where my head is at anymore. “So whats going to happen between you and that Jennifer”. He lets out a deep breathe “we are not together y/n/n I can ring her right now and prove it if you want? Honestly if you want me then I will tell my management team that we are back together and Jennifer will be out of my life I promise. Just please baby girl, I will beg if that’s what you want just please. I cannot be without you.”

My head is all over the place, I just do not know what to do. “I know you want an answer right now Mason but I cannot give you that. I am sorry you cannot ambush me and make such a life changing decision without taking the time to make a decision. So you need to give me time, but I promise I will think about it.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear thank you. I will leave you be. Just please consider us again. I love you more then anything y/n. Forever and always”. That was always our saying forever and always. We used to message eachother that all the time, after every fight that’s what we used to say when making up. It was our saying. I lean into Mason and kiss his lips, it’s a slow kiss but he deepens the kiss, trying to gain access with his tongue which I allow. I grab the back of his head pulling him closer, I can feel his hands on my hips. There is nothing more that I want right now then to continue but we can’t. If we do this it will make the decision even harder. I quickly pull away. “Sorry I got a little carried away, I just can’t help myself when I am around you”. He makes me blush.

Mason sees himself out, and places a small kiss to my lips. I just wish I knew what I need to do.

Masons POV

I haven’t heard from y/n since I went round that night, I messaged you once I was home and realised that you unblocked me, I thought that was progress but all the messages I sent to you, you read but never replied so maybe there wasn’t progress.

It was my birthday today, I woke up to a message you from you “Happy Birthday Gorgeous boy! Have the best day ever!! Get spoilt rotten”. I smile at this message out of everyone I wanted to speak to today it was you. I just wish I could see you. My family are down and me and Lewis are going golfing this morning then having dinner with my family later which will be nice. I am grateful for this, but part of me really hoped that I would see you.

We pull into the driveway as me and Lewis return home after our golf day. The house is silent and dark which is unusual as I know my family are there. Something is wrong I thought. As I open the door the lights suddenly flick on and everyone jumps out: SURPRISE!!! Everyone shouts. Bless them they have thrown me a surprise party. I am hugging everyone and thanking them for coming, it’s a mixture of friends and family and team mates. That’s when I see you. No it cannot be, am I seeing things.

I quickly walk over to you, you spot me coming up to you. You give me a big smile, “Surprise birthday boy!” I quickly embrace you in my arms to make sure you are real. “What are you doing here?” I am so confused as to what you are doing here and why didn’t you tell me you were coming.

“Your mum rang me.. she said you told her about everything that happened between us recently. She said ‘he wouldn’t want to pressure you but I know he would love to see you’, then she persuaded me saying they all wanted to see me and told me about a surprise party and you know I had to be a part of that.” I grab you by your waist and embrace you in my arms, I stand there a little longer then maybe we should just staring into your eyes. I place a kiss to your lips, I love how soft they are. “People are staring Mase”, I giggle “well let them stare” and I continue to kiss you. “come on I will introduce you”. I grab your hand and make my way around the party, I love holding your hand and talking to people with you, it feels like old times again it feels real.

People start to leave the party as its finishing, I haven’t left your side the whole time. I turn to you, “please tell me you are staying the night I cannot think of you being in Manchester and not falling asleep with you on my birthday”. You give me a smile, I can even see a sparkle in your eyes “of course I am Mase, I promised your family I would stay and spend your birthday with you so I do not break a promise. I am just going to run upstairs quickly and get changed into something more comfy I need to get out of these heals and dress”. I know how much you love your comfies, chances are you are probably going to come downstairs wearing something that belongs to me.

I find my family sitting in the front room, “Thank you” I say, they look at me confused but my mum catches on to what I am saying. “We have no idea what you are talking about” she is trying to play dumb. Lewis then buts in “you really think we wouldn’t hear about it for the rest of the year if we throw you a surprise party and didn’t invite her”. I give him a bro hug, I appreciate them all for this, I know it was a rocky start with them getting on board with y/n as she wasn’t famous they were worried that you were after my fame and money, but after they met you and got to know you they loved you, they knew you didn’t care about all that and just wanted me. My mum then speaks up “just do us a favour Mase, if she allows you back which if I were her I probably wouldn’t but we can all see how much she loves you. So if she does do not break her heart again, you always fight for that girl. You got a keeper there”. I thank my mum and quickly give her a hug as y/n walks in and we try to act normal but she can probably tell we are talking about her.

We spend the rest of the evening all curled up in the living room, having a couple of drinks and a laugh. You are curled up in my arms with your legs wrapped underneath you so you can be closer to me which I am not complaining. Everyone confirms they are going to go to bed and we discuss plans for tomorrow. “shall we go up?” I ask you. “I am actually really cold, I am going to run a bath, do you want to join me?” I smile as if there is any other answer to that question apart from yes, and I run up the stairs behind you.

I watch as you run the bath, and wrap your hair into a clip so it doesn’t get wet and watch you slowly underdress. Your body is unreal, I know you have never been the most confident but in my eyes you are the most perfect women. I slowly get into the bath, which you come and sit inbetween my legs. I am slowly running my hands up and down your arm which I can feel the goosebumps. “Well not that I am complaining sitting here like this with you, but you haven’t made a decision”. I hear you laugh as if I have just said the most silliest thing in the world. “Of course I am taking you back Mase its always been you, there will never be anyone else, its always you. Forever and always.” You turn your head to give me a kiss which I reciprocate. “Forever and always baby girl.”

“Hold on stay there” I reach out the bath and grab my phone. “Stay right there” I take a photo of you, your back is turned so no one can see anything apart from your bare back and your hair in a clip and your face is to the side so your whole face isn’t in it. “What are you doing?” I hear you ask confused. “Socials.. now that I am not single everyone needs to know. Don’t worry your face isn’t in it. Unless you want it in it, I have no problem telling the world you are mine”. I see you smile at this. “The photo is fine Mase, I like how it before I do not need all your crazy fan girls coming for me” which we both laughed at this. “I love you y/n” you turn to face me again “it will never be the amount that I love you”.

I added the photo to my socials with the caption “Best birthday present ever getting you back. #foreverandalways.”