#i used to think she was a cis woman but thinking about it. bro im not even sure.

[bingobongobonko]

thinking about sigourney...

[crackwhorism]

Hi! Can you please talk a little about your pronouns? I googled a set I think might work for me and your blog was one of the two results. The other was a clinical psychology major at some university. She seemed nice, but I'm not sending a personal message to somebody's work email, y'know? Anyway, have a great day! 😊

sure! so basically im gender non-conforming and believe gender is a social construct that I personally don't like to subscribe to. I feel uncomfortable with being gendered most of the time and lowkey wish it wasn't such a huge part of how im perceived (side note i don't have a problem with gendered terms like bro/dude/girl/guy or anything that's used commonly enough in a non gendered context i personally LOVE stripping words of their gendered connotations lol). i hate that everything i do has a connotation of being associated with one of three arbitrary boxes (fem, masc, androgynous). I feel pretty alienated from all of them, tbh.

in an ideal world where biological sex and appearances didn't matter at all I'd be agender but for better or (tbh mostly for) worse being afab affects a lot of my life in how I interact with the world so there are ways I connect to womanhood a lot. I love women-dominated spaces and female solidarity. my experiences with cis men have been overwhelmingly horrendous and traumatizing and I've learnt to be kinda wary of them. so i kinda stick with girls by default. especially in a goddamn engineering college. and I really fucking adore and admire so many women and want to be like them and...it's confusing, because at the same time I don't feel like I really fit in with cis women either. idk the older I get the more alienated I feel from womanhood. like I LOVE women but whenever we do "girl talk" or whatever I feel like such an imposter. I relate to a lot of women's experiences but I don't feel like a woman lol. at the same time I don't fuck with a lot of stuff associated with womanhood that most cis girls i know relate to. I think being a lesbian and growing up with severe body dysmorphia for me is kinda very tied to my disconnect from girlhood. I relate to trans girls more than cis girls and trans guys more than either of them now. and ig I do relate to manhood in some ways but also I don't?? relate to cis guys??? it's complicated. but tldr my gender PERSONALLY is very fluid and idk this shit is all made up anyway and I kinda relate to everyone and no one at the same time. I'm agender 90% of the time but I do randomly get gender euphoria or dysphoria sometimes. I'm not entirely sure if that's because of my gender or something else but yeah essentially since I feel equally connected to each of the most commonly used pronouns in different ways I'm cool with all of them. so I picked the most common ones and assigned one to each form (active, passive, possessive) so they'd all get used equally somewhat lol. it fluctuates but this stuff is complicated and different for everyone. I love fucking shit up and actively going against gender norms. so...yeah

[zombeats]

LGBTQ+ BSD HEADCANONS!!!

(im using "any pronouns" for he/she/they + neos to make it easier for me cause i usually dont know whether "any pronouns" includes neos or not.

i also put some xenogenders in so if you dont know one or are curious, look them up!! theyre super cool! i tried to use some that are somewhat known to make them easier to find but xenogenders are kinda hard to find in general so)

(also im probably spelling names wrong PLS FORGIVE ME IF I AM im tired and idk how to spell 😕😕)

quick guide for anyone confused!!!

masc terms = masculine terms (i.e boyfriend, bro, dude, brother)

fem terms = feminine terms (i.e girlfriend, sister, wife)

neu terms = neutral terms (i.e partner, sibling, spouse, significant other)

all or any terms = fem, masc, + neu terms (i.e partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, spouse)

format-

name: gender - pronouns - terms - sexuality

reason why i think this and/or little hc about it

ADA

Dazai: bigender (nb + male) - he/they/xe - masc + neu terms - bi + ace

he had a lot of gender crises while in the PM and eventually realized that he could be both nonbinary and male. chuuya pretended to be really irritated with all the pronoun and term changes but was very supportive and patient

Kunikida: trans man - he/him - masc + neu terms - gay + demisexual

he was very nervous about teaching at first because he didnt know if the students would know if he was trans or not but ended up "passing" really well and no one knew until he decided to tell them and then all the queer kids went to him for help/advice

atsushi: cis male - he/xe - masc terms - bi

was very nervous abt coming out and repressed his attraction to men until he joined the ADA and felt safe enough to accept who he was and came out

yosano: bigender (nonbinary and female) - she/they - fem + neu terms - lesbian ace

didnt realize she was queer until she met ranpo and he suggested she might be. after that, he helped her try pronouns and terms until they found what fit. as a way of saying thanks, she did his nails and helped him through his gender crisis

ranpo: bigender (male and female) - he/she/they - any terms - bi demiromantic ace

didnt realize he was bigender until yosano did his nails and had a gender crisis. it took him a week to figure it out and hes still embarrassed about it

fukuzawa: trans man - he/they - masc terms - aroace

never felt interested in romantic or sexual relationships and didnt realize that it wasnt "normal" until people started dating eachother and talking about sex

jun'ichirō: cis man - he/him - masc terms - straight demiromantic asexual

was super confused when his sister kept getting crushes on guys and talked about dating them when they barely knew eachother. when he tried to look up why that was a thing, he came across the labels demiromantic and asexual and realized it applied to him

kenji: cis man - he/she/they - any terms - unlabeled

doesnt care what people refer to them as, they know their own gender and thats all that matter to him. also does not care for labels, he likes who he likes

kyouka: demigirl - she/they - fem + neu terms - bi

had no time to explore her identity while in the PM so they only discovered themself when they joined the ADA. dazai was actually the one to help her find the labels and pronouns that fit her

naomi: trans woman - she/her - fem terms - pan

she insisted for jun'ichirō to call her a girl at a young age and it scared him at first. after looking it up, he realized she was trans and waited until middle school to help her find a name for herself. when she reached high school, he then hunted down an ability user who could change someone's appearance for help because they couldn't afford hormones and surgery

kirako: cis woman - she/ze - fem terms - bi

she found neopronouns when she was in middle school and experimented for months before finding ze/zir and realized how much she liked them. she didn't tell anyone about it because ze was embarrassed but then finally felt safe enough with naomi to talk about it

THE GUILD

fitzgerald: cis male - he/they - masc terms - gay

had a long talk with every member about how he wouldn't tolerate discrimination in the guild. it was kinda awkward since everyone there was queer.

POE!!: genderfluid (female, male, agender) - he/she/ve/xe - any terms - uranic demisexual

uses karl to let others know how hes feeling (karl likes being dressed up he gave consent)!! he puts a bow on karl when xe feels feminine, a tie when ve feels masculine, and a little sweater when she feels like neither!! ranpo thinks it's adorable. also genderfluid poe is canon

melville: cis male - he/him - masc terms - gay

also did the "no discrimination tolerated" speech but it was 10x more awkward

louisa: demigirl - she/they/sol - fem + neu terms - pan

talks with poe about neos a lot!! has fun making up new ones although sol doesn't use them

lovecraft: genderqueer- they/voi - neu terms - aroace

likes trying out new neos although they never seem to fit void for long

james: cis male - he/him - masc terms - unlabeled

he feels very lonely being the only unlabeled person in the group but none of them make fun of him or say anything rude and always try to include him without insinuating/accidentally using lables for him

steinbeck: demiboy - he/cloud - neu terms - gay

jokingly makes fun of neos a lot, will kill someone who actually does

montgomery: trans girl - she/her - fem terms - bi

will constantly refer to herself in third person when shes feeling dysphoric so that the others know and try to help (for example, "hey, am i not the strongest girl in the group?")

margaret: trans woman - she/her - fem terms - pan ace

loves hyping herself up (as she should) and always makes sure to hype up other trans people and compliments them a lot

mark: trans man - he/him - masc terms - bi

sees lucy as a little sister and always helps her when shes feeling dysphoric. loves to buy her cute dresses and does her hair a lot

hawthorne: nonbinary - he/they - neu terms - gay

loves browsing queer forums and is super active in the community. always helps answer questions anyone has and loves educating people about gender and sexuality

PM

ryunosuke: bigender (male + female) - she/he/it - fem + masc terms - uranic

only told gin and chuuya about it because he didn't feel safe enough to tell dazai. she was only able to tell him about it after chuuya told it dazai was also queer (WITH PERMISSION). IM A SHE/HER RYUU TRUTHER OK IT JUST FITS SO WELL

gin: genderqueer/apagender - any/all - any terms - lesbian

they never felt weird when people used he/him pronouns on them or used male terms. talked to chuuya about it and after a long discussion, they came to the conclusion that they just did not care what people used for them. told ryuu right after so she would stop getting mad at people for using the "wrong" pronouns/terms.

chuuya: genderfluid (male + nonbinary) - he/ve/it/nix - any terms - uranic ace

the "elder queer" amongst the PM. everyone goes to it for advice. nix actually never had a realization moment, he just always switched between feeling like a man and feeling somewhere in between. the only confusion it had was what to call this, and ve eventually found the label for it.

higuchi: astrumgender - she/star/sol/moon/xe - neu terms - pan

had no idea how to describe sol's gender until xe found a xenogender masterlist on the internet. she found it interesting and kept trying to analyze what star's gender felt like when moon saw one that seemed close to what they felt. she finally landed on astrumgender however it wasnt until a week later, when she tried it again, that xe realized it described star. gin helped her with pronouns.

ace: genderqueer - he/she/they - any terms - gay

found out about all the different gender while gambling with someone. looked it all up later and decided to settle with genderqueer cuz she didn't feel like trying out a ton of different labels (honestly me too)

kōyō: trans fem - she/they/ae - fem + neu terms - neptunic ace

thought neptunic meant "attracted to masculine people" until gin told them that it actually meant "someone attracted to nonbinary people and women". ae felt it described aer better than lesbian did so she started using that label. (honestly i keep getting neptunic and uranic mixed up. i keep thinking the terms are neptunic for liking masc people and sapphic for liking fem. then uranic comes outta nowhere to remind me of my dumbassery 💀 i gotta memorize this shit. the flags dont help either)

verlaine: ethegender - any/all - any terms - gay ace

always felt confused by their gender, he could never describe it in thought, feelings, or words. he always felt like it was at his fingertips but she just couldn't get a hold of it. xe fell down a gender rabbit hole one day and felt that ehtegender described it perfectly. this was also when it discovered the label ace.

hirostu: cis male - he/him - masc terms - aroace

thought everyone knew he was aroace until someone asked him if he had a wife during a meeting. he said he didn't cause he wasn't interested in that or sex and it was deathly quiet for two minutes before he said he was aroace to clarify. they like to tell that story to new members for a quick laugh

arthur: agender - he/they - neu terms - gay aroace

took forever to rediscover their identity. they knew something felt wrong when people used masc terms for him so he asked mori about it. it was a very awkward conversation

elise: cis girl - she/her - fem terms - straight aroace

got very confused when mori kept asking if she had any crushes yet. finally decided to ask him abt what he meant and that was when they both realized she was on the aroace spectrum

Q: agender - they/xe/voi - neu terms - unlabeled

they're actually very happy for their natural androgynous appearance, cause xe never gets misgendered. ofc voi told the PM of their neos but xe never expected them to get used and they cried when chuuya casually said "why are you talking about Q that way?? xe's a kid. leave xem alone".

karma: trans boy - he/him - masc terms - gay

had a very awkward conversation with ace when ace realized he was trans. he was seriously hoping ace just turned him into a gem to escape the conversation. surprisingly managed to teach her a lot of things about the community and proper etiquette when talking to queer people

kajii: trans masc - he/they/xe/ve/ae/div - neu terms - pan demiromantic

neopronoun collector. loves neos. gains neos each week. lost track of them and had to start over three times. ryuu loves using his div's new neos cause it adds some excitement to his life

oda: demiboy- he/she - fem + masc terms - uranic

when she met dazai, it took a lot of patience for him to teach them about pronouns and gender. had no idea dazai was bigender until xe came out to him about it. absolutely no gaydar

ango: nonbinary- he/they - masc + neu terms - gay

phenomenal gaydar, clocked everyone immediately. oda didnt even have time to come out to them, they already knew. knew about dazai, too, but wanted him to figure it out on their own

mori: fuck him, cishet (just realized two seconds after posting that i forgot to add him lol)

THE SILLIES (DOA)

fyodor: agender - any/all - any terms - gay ace

i feel like he sees himself as a divine being or at least something other than human. he has this whole thing of "doing god's will/mission". and imo divine beings are genderless. so i think he would see himself as above gender. i would've just done they/them + neos but honestly? i dont think she would care about pronouns at all so. ALSO nikolai LOVES finding the most out there neos to use for fyodor he finds it so fun. he uses new ones every day

NIKOLAI!!!!: genderqueer - he/they + any/all neos - neu terms - gay demiromantic ace

i feel like nikolai just does not care about pronouns. i also think he wouldnt mind she/her but find a little displeasure in it. he would probably rate she/her as a 4/10 if 0 was hate and 10 was love. he almost feels neutral about it but theres just a little but of dislike. he also LOVES silly neos like clown or honk. he loves it even more when fyodor uses his silly neos cause fyodor is so serious all the time

sigma: aliengender - they/them - neu terms - aroace

currently experimenting with neos. nikolai is obviously helping. their whole thing is that they came from a book so they don't feel like they're "human" (imo, having emotions is what makes you human but its their existential crisis so). anyways i think because of this, they would feel a detachment from gender and would feel like no gender truly fits them but that aliengender fits best (even if its not a perfect fit)

bram: bigender (female + male) - he/she/they - neptunic

she definitely has conversations with nikolai and sigma about gender and how it's expressed. her and nikolai try to teach sigma about it but it just goes over their head (same). definitely goes into great detail describing what his gender feels like to sigma and they're honestly having a great time. gender tea parties every wednesday

fukuchi: trans male - he/him - masc terms - straight

bonded with fukuzawa over being trans. they definitely met in a gsa. tries to be supportive of nikolai but his head spins just thinking about all the neopronouns so they teach him a new set once a week to ease the process. fyodor makes fun of him for it

HUNTING DOGS

JOUNO<3: trans masc - he/they/xe/ae - neu terms - gay demiromantic

taught tetchō and fukuchi what neos were and how to use his. ae has no idea how fukuchi went this long without knowing what they were since fukuchi is quite literally an "elder trans" and has been in the community for decades. teases him about it sometimes when teruko isn't around

teruko: trans woman - she/star - fem terms - pan ace

taught fukuchi how to use her neos. almost killed tetchō when he asked about star's neos because she had no idea he was listening to her teach fukuchi. tries to fight jouno over who's are better (he doesn't care).

tetchō: caligovague - they/ae/jhey/kei/ve/mu - neu terms - uranic ace

after being taught what neos are by jouno, mu went on a deep dive because ve found it interesting. jhey discovered so many neo ae like it was insane and also found a very fitting xenogender. they went to jouno and talked about it and finally told everyone else (fukuchi almost had a stroke trying to learn jheir pronouns).

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYONE THIS TOOK FOREVER!!! also if you want clarification on any pronouns or genders please don't hesitate to ask!!! i had a lot of fun looking for genders and pronouns to fit them although i do worry there wasn't enough variety 😕

[starrygalazy]

for the sending a character thing, ashe? she’s so underappreciated and no one talks about her but she’s so interesting to me. in a chemistry experiment way, mildly terrifying as well as fascinating

or hanzo or cassidy because, yk, gotta ask bout my favs 💀

I'll do you one better and do all 3!

Ashe:

- Definitely lesbian, or at the very least has a large preference for women

- Cis woman (all of them are cis in my mind, I don't have much gender hc's)

- Ship: Ouihaw. I don't like HARDCORE ship it but it's pretty cute imo

- NOTP: Ashe and Bob. Seen some of it and was just like "... no." (Ashe & Cass would've been here if I didn't already decide for them to be brotp)

- BROTP: Ashe & Cass, easy- they got issues but. I still think they really care about each other PLATONICALLY

- HC: Bob braided her hair a lot when she was a kid, both for presentability and practicality. Even after she cut it, he still tried his best to do tiny braids whenever she let him or felt down.

- Opinion: Underrated character, I want to see her soft side more.

Cassidy:

- I used to think he was gay gay, through and through. Now I see him as bi but still with a pretty strong male preference.

- Cis, as stated above

- Ship: THE ONLY REASON IM NOT SAYING YEEHAN IS SO I CAN SAY IT LATER, SO BAPSIDDY

- NOTP: EASILY Cass & Reyes. That's a father-son relationship there.

- BROTP: Genji & Cass. Best bros for life.

- HC: OK HERE WE GO. Cassidy's mother (who I named Belle) had VERY long, light brown hair and taught him how to braid it. He's PHENOMENAL at braiding and can do it really fast too. He braids his own hair (or someone elses- usually the girls or Hanzo's with permission) a lot whenever he misses Belle.

- Opinion: I want to hug this man so bad, he's so fluffy and would give great hugs.

Hanzo:

- GAY. THAT IS A GAY MAN.

- Cis (again) but sometimes I entertain the idea of him being trans

- Ship: Ok NOW I can say Yeehan. Easily #1 mlm ship for me

- NOTP: Said this in a different post but Mei and Hanzo. I do see them as good friends though!

- BROTP: Tbh Widow and Hanzo. They aren't romantic obviously but I can see them working through trauma together and being comfortable since they both come from high-end households.

- HC: This poor man is the most touch starved person you'll ever meet. Might seem obvious but he also hates it in a way. He doesn't like people touching his back or neck bc it sends him into fight or flight... but if you give that man a big hug he is NOT letting go. Bonus: he'll be quietly trying to not cry if someone whispered kind things to him during the hug.

- Opinion: This man fucking NEEDS a hug. Desperately needs it. And I wanna give it to him (without him killing me)

And that's about it. Hope these suit you!

[suppenzeit]

Rat, C.B., Dustin, Dinah? :)

this got long lol

Rat/AV/OLC-CB

Sexuality Headcanon: Bi, but with a strong preference for men. He's not super invested in long-term relationships tho (but won't turn down one if one happens to develop)

Gender Headcanon: Cis man, pretty masculine, but isn't concerned about masculinity the same way GB is.

A ship I have with said character: Electraboooooose (or, well, spagratti). They are canon in the OLC you can't change my mind (im only mostly joking about this).

A BROTP I have with said character: He hangs out with Dinah and Greaseball, though overall I think he's closer with Dinah. He does "dude stuff" with GB (they drink and watch tv).

A NOTP I have with said character: Hmm, I can't really think of any ship with him that I've seen that I've been totally opposed to. Not a super big fan of OLC Rusted Brakes but at the same time I don't hate it

A random headcanon: Likes to doodle, usually random things but might doodle a little portrait if theres other people near (he has so many doodles of Electra).

General Opinion over said character: Fun fact I used to not like him for a hot second before my brain realized that he's literally a shitty little man with a mustache and now he's one of my faves. I love a grimy little guy.

-

CB

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay. He went through adult magazines as a teen and didn't understand what all the fuss was about.

Gender Headcanon: Cis guy, but doesn't give a shit about how masc he is.

A ship I have with said character: Rusted Brakes is the one I ship most seriously. Greaseboose/Electraboose/Cheater Boys are mostly there cause I think they're funny.

A BROTP I have with said character: He's bros with GB, but they aren't super close on an emotional level

A NOTP I have with said character: Hmm, can't really think of one

A random headcanon: Incredibly flexible!!! He's got no bones. Lounges around in bizarre poses.

General Opinion over said character: He's so funky and fun I love him <33

-

Dinah

Sexuality Headcanon: Hm.... straight, perhaps bicurious.

Gender Headcanon: Cis woman. Very feminine.

A ship I have with said character: I.... don't really have one. Like, I enjoy GreaseDinah and Dinahboose, but neither of them are OTPs for me.

A BROTP I have with said character: She's besties with Buffy and Ashley!! But I think she's good friends with most of the yard. Who doesn't like Dinah.

A NOTP I have with said character: Again, can't really think of one!

A random headcanon: She's surprisingly good at fixing things. GB doesn't know much about tech and sometimes it's inconvenient to invite CB over so Dinah has to be the one to fix whatevers broken.

General Opinion over said character: I like her! I like that she gets an actual arc in the show.

-

Dustin

Sexuality Headcanon: Hmm....... uhh. Let's say bi.

Gender Headcanon: Cis guy, but likes being a little bit gnc, as a treat.

A ship I have with said character: FlatDust I guess, but I'm not too invested.

A BROTP I have with said character: FlatDust again, but also Dustin and Rusty

A NOTP I have with said character: Uhh I don't think I have any

A random headcanon: Hums when he does things!! He doesn't even notice it, and the rest of the freight find it nice to listen to :)

General Opinion over said character: I like him! I don't think about him too often but I do like that he exists

[doberbutts]

i get *why* a lot of people think men dont face oppression for being men, cause i only just started learning about it myself but the insistence that trans men's oppression is not affected by us being men is so???? its confusing to me. also i started talking to my cis man friends about emotions lately and its like, my god how could people NOT know men have issues that r related to them being men? i know im telling you nothing new im just, very baffled and dont have anyone to express this to irl

Oh I was just talking to a friend about this.

I think what honestly happened is that a lot of trans mascs are and were feminists prior to transitioning. I think a lot of them continued to believe that male privilege meant that you had no problems caused by being men until, one day... they were viewed as men. And then suddenly they went 'hey... this sucks actually'.

Extreme isolation? Oh cis men have huge amounts of lonliness and touch starvation and isolation problems. Not being allowed to discuss their problems? Yeah because otherwise you're weak, feminine, female, not man enough. Not allowed to show their emotions? Everyone knows men are only allowed two emotions: horny and angry. Hideous body dysmorphia? Multiple, multiple studies have said that the majority of gym bros have serious untreated eating disorders.

There's more but what's weird is that there are still versions of feminism talking about this. Feminists who understood that the emotional abandonment of young boys and allowing patriarcal society to sink its claws into them is what creates the problem of men who behave abysmally. It was very important in some feminist circles to teach their sons it was okay to cry, it was okay to want to be touched and held, it was okay to struggle, it was okay to like pink and dolls and dresses and makeup and it didn't make you lesser just for not aligning yourself with the patriarchy.

I'm just kind of wondering... where that went. We did at some point recognize that men do experience a gendered suffering of their own, and that raising young boys to break free of this ritualized suffering would only aid the cause of having women seen as equals to men.

Why did we stop doing that? Why did we veer into what we are now? This hurts cis people of all genders. This hurts trans people of all genders. Did no one read that op-ed about how that trans woman refuses to come out of the closet specifically because of the way she has been spoken to and about, to her face, because she's being read as a man??? Does no one realize that this is hurting people??? The people they're claiming to want to protect???

Maybe I see it so much because I'm gay, so I occupy cis gay male spaces a *lot*, and I see these men suffering in ways they can't share with anyone else. Maybe I see it because I hang out with my black male relatives all the time, and I see them experience things and hurt and not be able to talk about it.

[jungxk]

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad​

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

x

4 years ago

x

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

x

x

x

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR 

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

x

x

x

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold. 

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

x

x

x

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

x

x

x

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

x

x

x

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces. 

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him. 

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed. 

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

[transexualpirate]

lol you're still mad over something still unimportant. no one's saying homosexuals don't exist. we're acknowledging that the concept of "transexuality" has been researched further and we know more about it now, and that some (id argue most, honestly, but the percentage doesn't really matter here) homosexuals are attracted to gender rather than biological sex. why do you feel erased by that? why do you feel so personally attacked by someone saying "im gay and occasionally attracted to trans people"

also it's so funny that you took my (honestly hilarious) joke about being transexual as in attracted to fellow trans people because the reason why i'm going exclusively t4t (t4t: trans for trans aka only getting into relationships with fellow trans people) because ive had very bad not good relationships with cis people before and I've decided i deserve better. it'd be a fetish if i was cis. which im absolutely 100% not

im not going around saying every lesbian needs to be with a trans woman (this wouldn't even make sense bro there are not enough trans people in the world we're such a small percentage) im just saying that policing some random lesbian that had a relationship with a trans woman at some point and demanding that she changes the way she identifies for your comfort is an asshole move

no one's saying sexual boundaries don't matter, we're (i'm) saying you don't get to label someone else for them. if, for instance, a woman is attracted to women only, and that includes trans and cis women, and she wants to label herself a lesbian, why does that make you mad? why do you feel personally threatened by that? so what if you don't think she's a "real homosexual", is she affecting you directly in any way whatsoever? (the answer is no. it's not 'sending gay rights backwards', how could it? that doesn't make sense. how could it affect your rights someone else slightly different using the same label as you?)..... in other words why are you sooo mad over something so unimportant and unserious lmaoooo

Why are y’all condemning same sex attraction? Why are y’all reducing it to a sort of preference or a fetish for x genitals? Do you guys realize how incredibly homophobic this discourse y’all keep parroting is? Like, I’m done with this bullshit. Enough of masculine women claiming to be butch lesbians lusting after males. Same with the army of “femmes” who want “daddies girl-cock inside 🥺”. Enough of females that went from “not being like other girls” to being the most subversive people ever because they’re now trans gay boys who wear makeup and dresses and ohhh you’re so freaking cool lol. No. And on “trans lesbians”. You’re male. You literally can’t call yourself a lesbian. Leave us alone. Move on. Get out of our safe spaces. Please, do what you need to ease your dysphoria, have fun dressing, hope you find those who love and desire you. But, if you have some decency, please, stop calling yourself a lesbian. “Trans lesbian” was used to refer to trans men who felt attracted towards females (yk, same sex attraction but one of them has dysphoria and is trans, same as transmascs). And you took that term from them. You erased our history.

But no! It’s us, the bad cis lesbians and gays. We are so so mean to you! and so transphobic for not going to bed with you, my gosh! because our bodies don’t fucking work with someone of the opposite sex!!! Don’t go telling me this is due to trauma or I’ll fucking murder you.

Trans people and us were siblings until this batch of angsty teenagers, gorged on postmodern gibberish, arrived. You’re destroying decades of activism and education, you’re insulting us with the q slur. You’re all destroying our safe spaces, our communities, twisting our reality, claiming to be part of a community you don’t belong to. You’re ignorant homophobes. You have sentenced us. Fuck off.

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[scary-monsters]

trying to parse through my gender feelings lately has been Interesting to say the least..i saw this one tiktok a while ago where someone said “i’m a girl but in a man way, im just a little guy” and nothing else has resonated more with me.

im starting to realize that, while i feel most familiar and safe with she/her, i kinda love when people use they/them for me and also im starting to get good vibes from he/him and it’s just like ???? bro what who am i what is my identity What Am I ??? but im not like.. bothered enough to correct people depending on however i feel on any given day or to try and tie down a clear-cut identity or definition. i kinda just don’t care but i also Do Not want Anyone to refer to me as “woman” or “miss” or “ma’am” it makes me nauseous, i really don’t like it (which is tragic since i work in retail and am referred to in this way countless times a day) 

i wish everyone would refer to me as “dude” “bro” or “bitch (in very rare cases bc it Has to be lovingly, like with a close friend or a partner)” and forget the fact that i’ve identified as a cis girl for my entire life, up until like the last year or so. like i would never be able to explain this to my family but ig it’s not a big deal, im already fortunate enough to be accepted after coming out to them. i think it’s also been a struggle to allow myself to identify as something else bc for Some Reason (god knows why) i’ve always felt like i couldn’t possibly be valid if i felt any other way about my gender

im just tired of boxing myself in!!! i stopped shaving like a year ago and the euphoria i felt from doing that was wild to me. i pierced my ears and always wear mismatching earrings bc it feels Awesome and not feminine (for me personally). i started working out and i’m trying to get more toned arms and the idea of that is so exciting to me. i changed it up and dyed my hair blue and haven’t gone back despite insisting to myself for years that “red hair is my only option” which was SO silly. these things might seem meaningless to other people but they’ve been critical for me and my journey towards self-love. i don’t wanna be a girl, i wanna be a weird rat person that’s unconventionally attractive and devoid of any clear-cut gender representation

[youthofpandas]

Ooooh ask games! Okay so, Mythra from Xenoblade, Venti from Genshin, and Azura from Fire Emblem! Very curious about your thoughts on Azura honestly.

ooooo a lot of fun characters thank you!!! i put this under a read more because i maaaaay have talked way more than i thought i would lol

Sexuality Headcanon: mythra is hmm! unlabeled or pan? her and brighid have big exes energy what can i say /// venti is doing whatever hes doing, i dont think he would label himself you ask him what he is and he just says yes. he is LGBT all of it /// azura is a bicon we love her... also arospec because i love her...

Gender Headcanon: all of the blades deserve to be a lil nonbinary as a treat but the aegis characters especially. the (motions to the spoilers of their true nature) and all. so yea!! demigirl or a similar label for mythra. /// venti agender real. hes a lil wind spirit who became a bard he doesnt have a gender /// azura is hmm? a binary woman? i dont have any lean hard on her being trans or cis but transfem azura is good

A ship I have with said character: this is making me realize i dont really have almost any ships with mythra lol! i like her nia and pyra as a poly couple (like. nia is dating both of them but mythra and pyra are obviously not dating each other) sorry rex. her and brighid being exes is something that can be so personal /// venti and zhongli because i dont like shipping him with the normal aged characters <3 also theyre funny and stupid /// azura and kaden is really cute i love how she gets to relax in their support! i think i paired her with kaze on my first playthrough and also liked them. really wish she got any supports with women that werent her family but i think her and felicia wouldve been cute!

A BROTP I have with said character: mythra and pyra have such an interesting dynamic going on i wish they had more interactions with each other in the game. her and opening up to a friendship with rex is also something i really love even if (gestures to the notp section) /// venti diluc might not be bros but they DO know way too many of each others secrets by sheer accident bar tender and drunk idiot can transcend friendship actually /// azura and the hoshido siblings :(( mainly thinking of sakura here but i think post game that they all deserve to be a real family to parallel how corrin is with the nohr siblings.

A NOTP I have with said character: i hate mythra and rex romantically. it doesnt help that hes officially 15 and its impossible to see her as anywhere close to that age. even ignoring that i think they work best as good friends /// uuuh im not a huge fan of venti/barbara? she feels like a 16 year old idol to me but ill admit the god x nun thing is kind of comedy gold and if you dont see her as a kid its fine /// poor azura to be romance bait for the player only to be the playable characters cousin.... they did her so dirty with that

A random headcanon: back in torna era mythra cooked something well once and it was on accident and nobody believed she made it and she was a lil tempted to use the siren laser beam to blow something up she was so mad /// venti invented the teyvat version of beer pong /// not long after azura got to hoshido she tried to ride a pegasus and fell right off and swore off trying again for years

General Opinion over said character: mythra is up there for being one of the best written women in a recent game for me? i think her struggles with what shes been through and seen making her literally create an idealized version of herself (who is still flawed and imperfect) is such an interesting story even if its hindered by how fucking awful her model/design can be at times and the fact two of her first scenes are being weirdo tsundere anime girl trope. that part sucks. but anyways shes still really well written most of the time and i love her arc when you look at how she was at the start of torna through to the end of xc2 proper

venti is like... im waiting to see what exactly he did during the fall of khaenri'ah before solidifying any proper thoughts i have on him if that makes sense? the seven are hiding so much i feel like i cant make a judgement call about them until we get more info (i say as if zhongli isnt one of my favorite characters, but i Understand him a lot more than i do venti). i think that the fandom is sooooo wrong about him hes a sad old man who has lost so much and drinks to comfort himself and i think the grief and loss that echoes throughout his story quest is his best trait. also 100% believe that he agreed to losing his gnosis and that it was all a big act that it was being stolen from him, if that doesnt end up being canon im gonna be really disapointed

azura is the backbone the glue the everything that tries to holds fates' flimsy story together and i think she mostly does a great job for what shes got. i love love love how she has had two families that never actually loved her like a real family should and i think its neat that she eventually gets to find that kinship through corrin. i love her softness while she is still highly determined and sharp witted. when i first played i really related to how she felt the need to put the burdens of the world on her shoulders even if it (literally!) killed her. she really pulls off the princess from a fallen/destroyed kingdom thing with how well her writing balances the sadness and loneliness she's lived with for so long with how she is still a girl who is alive and has joy even if she forgets it sometimes. her scary stories she tells to sakura and her love of sleeping on a fluffy kitsune tail all humanize her and give her a depth a lot of the fates cast is missing. we love her we stan.

[queerlyhalloween]

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

[ofdiablos]

[  HWANG HYUNJIN, TWENTY, CIS MALE, PYROKINESIS  ] ╰  NAZARETH  SONG  just  came  over  half - blood  hill .  you  know ,  the  child  of  HADES  who  was  claimed  five  years  ago ?  i've  heard  chiron  say  that  he  is  INDIVIDUALISTIC  &  TRANQUIL ,  but  if  you  ask  the  aphrodite  kids ,  they'd  say  they're  BIZARRE  &  RECKLESS .  i'd  say  they  remind  me  of  smudged  black  eyeliner  ,  frigid  fingertips  ,  floppy  raven  hair  being  held  from  your  eyes  ,  and  bass  vibrating  from  speakers  ,  especially  since  they're  NEUTRAL .

hi tiny angels !! my name is moe , i am twenty years old , i use she / her pronouns , and i live in the est . i haven’t been in an actual rp group in ... months because of some bad experiences :/ but this rp seemed so cool & the admins seemed so sweet ... i just had to join . i really hope you guys enjoy naz as i continue to flesh him out a lil ! many kithes for u !

𝟎𝟎𝟏  .  𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

full name  :  nazareth icarus song age  :  twenty gender  :  cis male pronouns  :  he / him romantic orientation  /  sexual orientation  :  biromantic  /  bisexual godly parent  :  hades , god of the dead and king of the underworld . inspiration  :  april ludgate from parks & rec , sydney novak & stanley barber from i am not okay with this , machine gun kelly’s album hotel diablo , maybe trent lane from daria if u squint . and just for the clownery of it all ... jughead jones . pinterest board  :  linked HERE  !! special power  :  pyrokinesis 

𝟎𝟎𝟐  .  𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

bullying tw ?? idk mans didn’t really have a terrible life sry fkdsfkjsd

     nazareth was born and raised in chicago , illinois . his mother had him while still in college , much to her parents’ dismay . however , she was incredibly hard working & wanted to give her son the life he deserved . even though the young mother graduated with honors , her degree in marketing could only get her so far . while she got an unpaid internship at a company in the city just a few blocks away from the family’s tiny apartment , she also had to work as a waitress just to pay rent & keep food in nazareth’s mouth . 

     a few years passed & naz’s mother had moved up enough in the company to be able to quit her job at the local diner . she had met a woman at work who was suddenly spending a lot of time at the songs’ rundown apartment & sometimes naz would even catch his mother dancing around the kitchen to her favorite michael jackson songs . however , as things were looking up for his mom , nazareth was struggling at school . every single class was unbelievably hard for him to understand & the poor boy stuck out like a sore thumb when he was around other kids his age . he was lanky & awkward , but also gave off a weird , brooding energy that did not match any of the other kids . which would have been fine if that meant he would be left alone ! but kids are mean , and that instead meant that he would be frequently exposed to their ruthless torment . 

     this behavior carried on through the entirety of nazareth’s time in the public school system . there wasn’t much he could do about it besides weather the storm & return home to his mother’s warm hugs every day . luckily , nazareth’s mother never mentioned his father or the existence of demigods. this total ignorance brought him safety from monsters for most of his life . however , things started to change when the boy was around eleven years old . nazareth began to see spirits floating amongst regular people . they looked just like everyone else , but there was a heaviness hanging onto their forms as they breezed about . they would hear him if he called out to them , but wouldn’t usually take the time to stop & answer his questions . naz didn’t even like to think of the flames that would flicker at him palms for just a split second when he would get angry . all of these occurrences scared him , quite frankly . 

     finally , nazareth told his mother about all of the odd things that had been happening to him . with a forlorn look on her face & no further words spoken between them , naz’s mother began shoving as many things as she could into one large suitcase . within the next thirty minutes , the two of them were in a car headed to a place his mother called “ camp half-blood ” where the boy would be safe . nazareth continued to ask “ safe from what , mom ? ” but no answer came . she couldn’t bring herself to tell him . 

𝟎𝟎𝟑  .  𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏  𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅  -  𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃

     nazareth got to camp half - blood when he was just eleven years old . however , he wasn’t claimed until he was fifteen years old . the little boy was lumped in with the hermes cabin for four - almost five - years until his father finally claimed him . as thrilled as naz was to be detached from the large number of campers who inhabited the hermes cabin , he still held a great deal of anger towards his father for taking so damn long to claim him . what was the fucking hold up ? he still isn’t sure to this day & continues to hold a little resentment at all times . but he rarely mentions it .  (  partially because he rarely speaks  )  

     now , with this whole conflict about claiming & cabins , nazareth tries to stay out of it as much as possible . if you ask him about it , good luck getting a straight answer out of him . he switches up what he says every time , just to get a reaction out of whoever he is talking to . nazareth knows too that if he actually gets into a conversation about the whole ordeal , his temper will act up & that isn’t good for anyone . 

𝟎𝟎𝟒  .  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

     nazareth is anything but a people person . he doesn’t have good communication skills & doesn’t care to have them . he is severely sarcastic & does not care if he hurts your feelings . he is incredibly independent - almost to the point of being overly self - involved . it is extremely rare for him to genuinely care about others simply because how does caring about other people benefit him in any way ? quite honestly , he’s also a little weird . queue that ‘ i’m a weirdo �� monologue by local Edgelord Fool Jughead Jones . idk man ... just ... good fuckin luck charlie . he’s annoying !

𝟎𝟎𝟓  .  𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

we might have to get a little creative with connections for nazareth because he is not exactly Mr. Friendly or Mr. Sunshine so it is ... unlikely that he is going to get along splendidly with too many people .

some ppl he can relate to on some level [ friendly connection ]

unlikely pals [ friendly connection ]

people who he just loves to bug and bother [ ??? idk bro connection ]

people who love to bug and bother him [ ??? idk bro connection ]

aw spooky boy has a crush let me cry [ romantic / friendly connection ]

obviously there are going to be a good many people he would gladly fight any day of the week [ not so friendly connection ]

literally my brain is just mush now ... but im so so down to brainstorm or whatever !  

[oscar-mildes]

elvira you know I always see what you're hiding in the tags,, I will always read it if you answer all of them abhsjdbs

nev you asked for this and im going to go thru with it bc im an oversharing idiot like oh you asked me how’s the weather i will tell you about all my trauma instead :D 

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? i’m cis yo i’m she/her. i’m biromantic ace. thats the label i would put on it i guess. i really just refer to myself as gay bc i like pretty boys who look like girls and pretty girls and pretty nb and queer people and basically i just like pretty people ajsfbjf

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? theres no story to it. no epiphany or realization. i just always was ok with thinking that girls were pretty and that gay people are cool and it wasnt until recent years that i was like oH SHIT AM I GAY

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? no i guess bc i’m a girl and id as a girl and have a very obvious girl body

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? i guess my best friend. we’re both very ok with gay shit and we just always made comments about pretty girls and now we’re both pretty gay. i like my big tiddie anime girls and she likes her pretty kpop girl bands

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? i’ve only “come out” to some of my friends. i would NEVER in my LIFE even imagine telling my mom i like girls. shes homophobic Like That

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? uhh see above. my mom, stepdad, family members are all homophobic. hispanics in general are Like That rip. i think my dad would be the most ok with it but he lives in mexico and i dont talk to him often anyway. doesnt matter

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? i hate when people ask me about the ace part. like they have a bigger problem about my not wanting to have sex over the liking girls part tbh. sometimes it’s difficult for me to even describe where i am on the ace spectrum. it’s honestly the more difficult part 

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. basic nerd. you know those fics like “she dressed in a black t-shirt, skinny jeans, and all star converse” yea that she is me

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ajkfj this is a good question and canon wise i love Ash and Eiji from Banana Fish, Uenoyama and Mafuyu from Given, Nezumi and Shion from No. 6, and Simon and Baz from Carry On. Not canon i love Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho, Izuku and Todoroki from My Hero Academia, and Inosuke and Tanjiro from Demon Slayer. Note how most of them are anime i

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? i dont really wear any bc im lazy. if you like it you do you but idrc for it? except for lipstick i LOVE lipstick i have all the colors. i wear it so it distracts people from the rest of my face

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? ...no

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? i live in the south so ive heard tons of shit talk about gay people. i dont really have any that stand out. my mom just likes to say that we’re going to hell :D so let’s give em a show ay

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? i guess i like how we find solidarity in each other just bc we’re not straight. most of the lgbt+ folks i know are pretty chill about everything

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? terfs but they dont count

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? i live in a small town and i could never sneak out of my house for that bc i still live with my mom so no

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? theres so many big celebrities now that id as lgbt+ but im going old school and loving my man, my tumblr url namesake mr Oscar Wilde. my man got put in jail for sodomy 

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? lmao never bc im mean, ugly, and terrible at talking to people irl. i had a bf in middle school? but bc i was 12 i dont count it 

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Carry On and the sequel Wayward Son. (very anxiously waiting for book 3 Anyway the Wind Blows come on Rainbow Rowell)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? for being gay? no. bc im not really out. ive faced discrimination for being a brown woman tho :)))

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? yall i love gay anime: Given, Banana Fish, No. 6, Yuri on Ice yeee. i dont really watch tv with real people but i think that Brooklyn 99 does a very good job with Holt and Rosa yall im love Rosa

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? theres bloggers??? um idk i love u nev so you count right @why-do-you-pick-flowers

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? for a while everyone was mad as hell about “im gay for ___” and idk im gay for everything so thats a “slur” i use for myself

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? ive never gone omg i’d probably be intimidated as hell like i have a lot of problems just existing so to be existing around very flamboyant and extravagant people like that makes me break into a nervous sweat

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? ive always felt like a girl even tho my mom always said “oh you like boy things??? you should have been born a boy” but like, your likes and dislike dont determine your gender. i like “boy” things and “dress like a boy” but i dont FEEL like a boy. ive never had any desire to become a boy or id as a boy. gender is a social construct fuck society

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? i have a very complicated relationship with children. babies are ugly and toddlers are annoying but i feel like if i had children i would love them obviously because theyre mine. this is gonna be a weird analogy but like i dislike cats. BUT  i have cats. and i love the fuck outta them. so i feel like thatd be me with kids. but im ace so like.... who would even have kids with me. i could not. pregnancy seems like a hassle and adoption is... i have thoughts on that but thats for a different post. also i can see myself being married and not having children OR having kids without a spouse. theres just something complicated about having both??? maybe im just fucked in the head idk bro

What identity advice would you give your younger self? you dont hate girls you like them, dumbass

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? fuck gender roles. get pegged, bros. i also have a very specific dynamic if i ever got into a relationship (which you know. wont happen) but like if i dated a guy i feel like i’d be very top. a MAN telling ME what to do??? fuck that. but if i dated a pretty girl??? top me pls

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? i think ive already said too much oh god someone is gonna look at this and be like what the FUCK but like lmao dont be afraid to ask me i apparently have no shame

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? it’s scary at first because you think “im not normal” but like pray tell me what is normal. do what makes you happy. fuck society

Why are proud to be lgbt+? i’m comfortable with the people i like. i might not be very confident and i have depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, probs adhd or ocd idfk but at least i know if i see a pretty girl or smth im gonna be like wow that girl is pretty and have no bad thoughts about it. it’s just how it be. after a lot of dissecting my past behavior, ive always been this way. you cant change who you are. just accept it

[transimailisa]

love your post on sexuality and asoiaf! in the meantime before your essay, would u maybe wanna briefly tell us who you think is lgbt+? i personally think sansa is a cis femme lesbian, brienne is either an nb lesbian or straight trans man (i see both sides there,) and i see arya as ace (maisie williams said the same thing!) obviously no pressure but i am curious!

thank you anon !

tbh i have two moods for that kind of stuff either i just wanna have fun and just mostly think that 95% of the characters are in some way lgbt or i need to do an analysis

it all really depends of my mood but most of the time im the first one as i am very pro death of the author

but now in terms of actual readings and what if i went deeper in analysis (i clearly didn't label all of them but have my thoughts in general) :

brienne : always my top 1 character to rant about for that kind of stuff. like she's actually really different from like every other gnc women from the series. her relationship to gender, how she expresses it and act on it are all very interesting and very not straight. i really don't know how to label her for gender but i definitely think that she should be a wlw

sansa : so far all her crushes are very socially oriented so it really reads as compulsory heterosexuality. very definitely cis but sexuality to be discussed

jaime : like i'm not the biggest fan if you know me but i couldn't stop wondering how his need to be validated by men he admire clearly reads more than bros moments. also the way he identifies himself so much to cersei in looks and personality makes me think that while he is big on Toxic Masculinity he also has kinda a different perspective on gender than most men from the series

brynden tully : and im almost sure he's gay cause the simple coding of backing up from a wedding and living away from marriage in a straight society is very telling

arya : while it's difficult to tell cause she's still a child i very much think that how she is a gnc she should grow as a gnc woman and have a very different take on gender

asha : the way she admires women and go to lead men and also sleeps with a twink. that's a repressed lesbian folks

qarl the maid : is a twink. grrm could have made it harder but no. it's right there.

anyway so far that is my take !

edit : wAIT I FORGOT JON TOO he very much love his satin

[pumpkinland]

constantly thinking about a supervisor i used to have who would get mad at me for referring to everyone as dude or bro and she was like “dont call me that, im not a man” and i was like dude youre literally a cis woman and i use it towards everyone i straight up am not calling you a man im lsjbdgidbgkjsfbasfjka