#i used to pride myself on not getting involved in the fandoms of bands and just listening to their music instead. WELL LOOK AT ME NOW X3 💖 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pigspeetsandhooflikefeets · 5 years ago

Text

Hey. I don’t like posting this because I like to be a positive person and this is a really cool and positive fandom, but I need to say please avoid melodicalmusic on DeviantArt/doggiebeats on Quotev. Initially I thought it was just someone who was missing the point, but they are far worse and actively harmful. (notes under cut)

melodicalmusic/doggiebeats is the author and illustrator of an au fic named “Velo Life”. At first glance it is harmless, the art is fine. The story revolves around a mask named Pap (a papillon dog) doing things, being an assistant to the monarchy, and dating Fox. Sometimes other masks get chapters, but the overall focus is on her oc, which is fine, as ocs can be good. The problem isn’t conception, it’s execution.

Transphobia: Melodic decided to cast Leopard as a non-binary intersex character. It was a fair design choice, other than the fact she referred to them as a “pseudo-h*rmaphodite”, which is medically outdated, as well as the inclusion of ‘pseudo’ is more offensive than the slur alone. Leopard has biological cubs, despite most intersex (obviously not all) being infertile or unable to carry children showing a lack of research on the topic, as well as it being a very dysphoric situation for many trans and intersex people.

Leopard was referred to as a “quing”, combination “queen” and “king”. Now. Mull over it. Okay stop mulling, because she had every inch to just use “Monarch”, such as “Monarch Leopard”, as well as titles like “Their/Your Majesty”, which works for both kings and queens, so it should have been suitable for Leopard.

Unprompted, she backpedaled saying “But I wanted Leopard in my AU to be a actual female. Cause I think it's for the best. Everyone kinda hated Leopard, but I love everything she does. No not Transgender, just really a female.”. Besides the fact she took it in her own hands to decide that a mask played by Seal was ‘now a cis woman’, she implies that trans women are not women, calling cis women ‘really a female’.

In her fic, the only other trans character is Egg, who is exceptionally ambiguous to being trans, not specifying if Egg is NB, FTM, or if he as well was going to be intersex. She dedicates a chapter to pride month, yet a lot of the focus is on the cishet masks (Pap (her oc), Frog, and Fox), as well as a concerning ship of T-Rex and Poodle, as everyone knows that T-Rex is somewhat coded to be a child, since Jojo was only 16 when she performed. Despite claiming to respect trans people, she only had two trans characters, and decided that one of them wouldn’t be trans anymore because “I admired the high-pitch voice that was fitted for the Leopard, it just suits SO well. Even if the show kept going, I always hear the digital high vocals.”. Call me crazy, but that’s not a reason to make a man a cis woman.

As a trans man, Leopard was disgustingly handled in the show with the panel first week, accusing Seal of ‘tricking’ them for wearing drag and acting feminine (not acting like a woman, acting feminine), and I hoped it wouldn’t leech into the fandom. Clearly I was wrong.

Homophobia: Where to start with this. As stated, she changed Leopard from a NB intersex character (in her original canon) to a cis woman. In the fic, Leopard is married to Nick. I don’t need to tell you that she made Nick x Leopard into a straight ship. She made the only gay ship tease in the show into a straight ship. I wish it ended here.

Somali, an oc, has potential. Not here, but he has it. Somali is gay. If you think I’m undermining his character, that is his character. Somali likes magic and theater, and is very flamboyant. He is a gay walking stereotype. In his description, it is stated, “The story is that he turnout Gay, Of course Pappy was Supportive, but she knew it wasn't fair, especially through everything she's involved.” If you need me to translate: Somali broke up with Pap after realizing he was gay. Pap saw that as unfair, and that she was a victim of being lead on because he found out he was gay. Yes, Pap is making Somali being gay and dealing with his internalized homophobia… about herself. She goes to the point of calling him her nemesis. Which is a... toxic way to refer to someone who broke up with you on clean terms.

Somali eventually teams up with Rottweiler, Pap’s brother (who abuses her, despite it being out of character in every means) and is. Evil, and he hates Pap now apparently. We can’t go a minute without the gay oc being evil huh. Somali being gay doesn’t add to the story, it just suggests the only reason he stopped dating her was that he was gay (which is bad and offensive in Pap’s eyes) because he is not shown to fall for Rottweiler, or have any crushes on other male masks. His homosexuality is an accessory tag, and it’s really not a good one when he is the only gay character with a lot of lines.

Every. Character. That. Is. LGBT. Is. A. Token. Ice Cream and T-Rex are the closest ones to not be tokens, as Ice Cream has a job at a diner and T-Rex gets lines, but T-Rex is only used for exposition, and again, a child shipped with an adult mask. Peacock’s and Rabbit’s role outside of the first chapter is to have a rocky relationship, being forced to rekindle their relationship after Pap tells them to do so for a love festival. Several of the female masks are bisexual or lesbians, but they add so little to the plot, that I don’t even remember which ships are which. Every [since Leopard used to not be but is now] main character is heterosexual and cis (Pap, Fox, Leopard, Kitty, Frog, Turtle, Rottweiler) which doesn’t imply that she actually is that pro LGBT. Drawings of hers for Ice Cream and Egg are captioned “Just something Gay for you guys to see~” (fetishizing much?).

Ableism: One of the ocs in the fic is a Red Panda, who is related to Panda (don’t be confused, animal wise they are not closely related at all). In the fic, Red Panda suffers from PTSD due to an accident which caused her to be disabled in the leg, who uses a single-leg-crutch to walk. The physical disability is handled well enough, not being a hindrance or made fun of, but her personality is the worst. Red Panda is a cowardly and sniveling child, scared of her own shadow and completely incompetent. Her PTSD is very thinly written, not giving her any specific triggers or reasons for anxiety. If her PTSD was presented with her being afraid of entering a vehicle or certain smells that would relate to the accident (rubber, smoke, leather), it would make sense, but Red Panda is scared of everything. On a dare, Frog tells Kitty to impersonate a mask. Kitty impersonates Red Panda, making fun of her cowardice, which can be an actual attack on people who have PTSD (like myself), Kitty justifies herself, saying she couldn’t think of anyone else, Red Panda immediately accepting it. Being a minor character, there is no time for her to develop, and the Red Panda we were presented with is already a mess.

In the same chapter that Red Panda is introduced, Axolotl (mentioned a lot later) dares Fox to remove his prosthetic arm. I don’t need to need prosthesis to know that asking someone to take their ARM OFF is unfunny and uncalled for. Pap, Fox’s girlfriend, decided to take the time and kissed the welt, commenting that it “looked interesting”. Don’t- don’t do that. Don’t kiss people’s scars or cuts or welts or anything related to their disability, especially without permission. Axolotl was being ablest to Fox and somehow Fox didn’t know better and forgot to tell her she was acting uncivilized, despite being one of the smartest masks in the canon.

Condoning Incest: One of the ocs in the fic is an Axolotl. The axolotl is Frog’s biological sister, Frog having Turtle as his adopted brother, which in fic Turtle is stated to have been adopted in Frog’s family for over 15 years. In the axolotl’s description, it is stated “Though Axolotl is a relative of him, She deeply has a crush on him. Which maybe weird but hey, Turtle's Adopted. So not a big deal”. No, it’s not ‘ok’ because Turtle is adopted, especially since they’ve been related 15 years. It’s not like Frog and Turtle are ‘close enough to be brothers’, they are related by law. Axolotl is presented to quirkily force a kiss on Turtle in one chapter, which she is not punished or condoned for 1. Sexually harassing him 2. Committing incest and putting it on his conscience, OTHER than her getting salmonella, which all characters who kiss Turtle are prone to getting (Ice Cream in chapter was stated to have fallen sick after kissing him). Axolotl is treated completely fine and Turtle has her in his band, regardless of the fact she is predatory towards him. Additionally, Axolotl is treated as a babysitter towards all of the children on the island, despite, again, sexually harassing someone she is related to, which people saw happen.

Incest is a harmful thing that can cause people to self-deprecate themselves or worse. It’s not a quirky “ha ha, they kissed, so funny!” because Axolotl DOES want to prey on Turtle. She DOES want to be with him. She didn’t CARE about his feelings, in the moment or after. It wasn’t a cute kiss on the cheek, and it wasn’t funny.

Fetishization of Japan: Pap is a weeeeeb. Pap is stated to be Japanese (her last name being Akita) which is confusing on account of the fact Rottweiler and her family are not shown to be Japanese? Anyways, Pap uses broken Japanese, completely unsparingly, and just says it in a way she expects everyone to understand her. It’s not Engrish, she speaks English well enough, she just adds it in sentences, and Melodic doesn’t even offer translations at the end of chapters. Phrases used are arbitrary, one some reason ending with “translator”. Entire sentences can be in Japanese, making the story hard to follow. If this fetishization of the language was limited to Pap, it’d be more tolerable, but other masks, ones who have no reason to know Japanese, use it as well, equally poorly.

Xenophobia: Some reason the USA and UK masks are all good guys (other than Rottweiler) but the German masks live in a ‘badlands’. German Monster teams up with Rottweiler and is his girlfriend, while German Dragon sexually assaults Kitty when they go through the badlands. There is no rhyme or reason why they are the scapegoated ‘evil’ series, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Inability to handle criticism: I tried. I tried my absolute best to tell her that what she was writing was harmful and past borderline offensive. I told her that Somali was a gay stereotype and very poorly presented, not getting a personality out of ‘likes singing’ (which all masks do…) and ‘is evil gay’. She didn’t care. We told her she was using slurs and that turning a mask played by Seal into a cis woman was offensive and transphobic (as well as Leopard already poorly being handled). She didn’t care.

In fact she more than didn’t care. She called us insensitive and whiny. Quote from her, "Now, I been feeling upset about some Haters/Karens harassing me on my AU ideas. And yes that's dumb.” Karens. You know, the stereotypical older women who hate the gays and trans people and bully people doing their jobs? Karens? Yeah, no. A Karen would be against any characters being trans or gay, insisting the show is for families, not telling them to stop using literal slurs (which have been outdated over 20 years) and to actually write gay characters. She genuinely acts like she can do no wrong and that everyone that doesn’t fawn over her is bad. This has nothing to do with the quality of the writing and the lack of grammar, this is about how she is unapologetically offensive and writing triggering content for the sake of being ‘quirky’.

I’m not saying “go rally against her” or “dox her” or “flame her story”, I’m suggesting please don’t give her attention. She’s clearly a child, and she’s not willing to change. All we can do is limit how much attention she gets until she grows up.

#masked singer #the masked singer #talking about this with my group really hurt like this is a bad headspace to be in #I don't want her to quit I want her to grow as a person

54 notes · View notes

uniformbravo · 4 years ago

Text

having a full on existential crisis over an episode of anime i watched tonight

it all started with big time rush

in 2009 a sitcom called big time rush aired for the first time on nickelodeon; it was about a group of four teenaged boys from minnesota who move to hollywood under a famous producer to become his next big boy band sensation. a simple premise, launched into unprecedented success, resulting in four seasons of musical shenanigans, three full music albums, and three big concert tours, including international shows. the band, both fictional and real life, featured four attractive young men by the names of kendall, james, carlos, and logan. they quickly gained a fan base of mostly teenage girls, which resulted in online spaces created for the purpose of sharing their passion, and as is common in such online communities, this certainly involved fanfiction- lots of it.

enter me, a teen in high school who loved to write fanfiction. my big time journey began the day my younger sister decided to put on the show big time rush in the living room, where i sat at the family computer typing away. the noise caught my attention, and i got sucked into the episode. there was a boy wearing a dress on the screen. i became interested.

i watched more of the show. i typed its name into the search bar on the website fanfiction dot net. i had a friend at school who shared my interest in fanfiction, particularly of the slash variety. i introduced her to this new show i had been watching. she shared a fanfic she had enjoyed immensely with me. we dragged each other into the world of big time rush fanfiction reading and writing.

it took over my life; i lived and breathed big time rush. i began posting my own stories to fanfiction dot net. i received positive feedback; i met people. i made friends- two people in particular who became very close friends. we communicated through ffn’s private messaging system, then through email. we talked every day, we wrote stories for and with each other, we exchanged phone numbers. it was one of these friends who introduced me to the website called tumblr, where fellow fans of our beloved big time rush gathered and talked about it- a community.

it was a slow start- this website was new and unfamiliar to me- but eventually i got the hang of things and settled into my niche. i had fun, gained followers, met even more people. tumblr was a place not only for sharing one singular interest, but for accumulating all of your various interests and celebrating them in one place. it was through this aspect that i first learned of the up and coming band known as one direction.

they had released their first smash hit single and everyone was talking about it. i was wary, far too loyal to my beloved big time rush- but eventually i started to feel left out and in an effort to feel included, i decided to take the plunge and see what this “1d” was all about. it was intimidating, though- there was so much information, and no apparent beginner’s guide to tell me where to start. this drove me to making a post calling for a “one direction buddy” to take this role, to introduce me to all the most important aspects of this band. and my call was answered.

enter my wonderful friend cam, a follower of mine at the time. they were into both big time rush and one direction and were eager to provide me with all the information needed to get into 1d. while ultimately this venture didn’t amount to anything, as i lost interest in becoming a fan, my friendship with cam persisted and we grew very close. even as time went on and big time rush faded into the background to be replaced with newer, fresher interests, and our paths as fellow fandom members split, we kept in contact and remained friends. years and years of fandoms, years and years of friendship.

in the midst of the tenth year, cam developed a new interest, in a sport called ice hockey. as is tradition, they shared their passion with me, showing me their favorite team, highlighting their favorite members. we watched a game together. personally, i’ve never been one for sports, but i am quite into anime, which consists of many genres, including the “sports” genre. one in particular that i’ve enjoyed immensely in the past is the volleyball anime, haikyuu!!. this anime devotes a lot of time to explaining and depicting the sport in a way that makes it easy for any viewer to understand the rules and inner workings of volleyball. it’s exciting. it’s the first time i’ve ever even adjacently been invested in a sport. one could even call it a gateway into the world of sports.

all this to say, when i watched that game of ice hockey with cam, the same parts of my brain that loved haikyuu!! lit up and in a classic display of my specific brand of interest, i found myself yearning for the epic highs and lows of ice hockey, but in an animated format. an animated format originating in japan. a japanese animation. an anime. my curiosity burned a hole in my brain that resulted in a combination of the google search bar and the words, “hockey anime”.

to my disappointment, i found nothing- at least, not to the degree i was hoping. there is an upcoming anime, slated to air in the fall 2021 anime season, about a group of girls who form an ice hockey team together- as it is an original project rather than an adaptation, it remains to be seen whether the anime will fall into the category of “sports anime,” or if indeed it will lean much more closely to the “moe” genre. the latter is not what i had in mind during that particular search.

adding the anime called “pride of orange” to my “plan to watch” list on myanimelist dot com, i moved onto the next result: an article about an early 2010’s anime i had never heard of before. while not about the sport i was looking for, it featured a character whose signature weapon was a field hockey stick. it wasn’t even the right sport. it was a weak, insignificant link, but all was not lost.

i happen to have an affinity for watching anime i happen upon completely by random and know little to nothing about; i found the movie “anthem of the heart” purely coincidentally, when i searched the name “jun” as part of some research for one of my original characters and discovered that it was the main character of said movie, which i then watched and ended up enjoying quite a lot. another time, when i was at best buy one day i happened upon a dvd on their dedicated anime shelf for a movie called “hana and alice”, which i had never heard of before. i liked the box art, so i took a picture of it to remember the title and watched it on my own later that week; it became one of my favorite movies.

with these and other similar experiences in mind, i saved the anime in my “plan to watch” list, and, later that same week, began my watch of “sket dance.”

it’s a school comedy anime, one of my favorite genres, so it’s no surprise that after overcoming the initial skepticism i carry into every new show i watch it quickly became my new fixation. not an obsession, but something i was pleasantly surprised to find consistently enjoyable. the characters are fun, the humor is tight and fresh, and the stories are unexpectedly touching at the right moments. everything i like to see.

which brings us to tonight. the culmination of this ten plus year string of events and occurrences. getting into big time rush. joining tumblr. meeting cam. watching anime. searching for hockey anime.

i put down my apple(TM) pencil. i set my ipad aside. i downsized the ebook window i’d been referencing. i stretched; i was hungry and tired. i’d been rereading passages of various animorphs books all day. i needed a break. i needed to sit back with some food and an episode of my latest comfort watch, sket dance. it’d be nice to set the dramatic, tragic world of animorphs aside for something lighthearted and fun in its place.

well.

i sat down with my bowl of strawberries and played the episode. it finished. i watched another. this one broke the formula a bit, played with the art style. i was into it. the preview for the next episode was mysteriously blank, and short, stating only the title. it was intriguing. i’m down for the show to get a bit more serious for an episode, i thought. i’m down for some potential backstory for one of the main three. i’m ready.

i was not ready.

bruh.

b r u h .

next two episodes proceeded to take me out back and beat me to within an inch of my life, slowly at first and then all at once. barely made it out alive. questioning everything. how can a show, so silly and goofy, do that, to me. how could i let my guard down like that. how could i be so tricked, and deceived, and blindsided like this. i don’t know who to trust. i don’t know if i can trust again. whiplash so damaging, permanent. i thought i wanted answers. i thought i wanted to know backstory. i didn’t want this. i never wanted this. emptiness

how did it come to this, these twelve years of my life. had i known back then, would i have posted that fanfiction? would i have joined tumblr? would i have sook out a “one direction buddy”? a hollow husk of a person, i am left with only my thoughts to ponder this small history of mine. the things i could have done differently. the things others could have done differently. all these butterfly effect moments, adding up to what? culminating in what? it’s 2:26 am and i’m writing an essay on how shook i am over that episode instead of going to sleep. but i can’t just say nothing, you know? i need to put something out there, reach deep enough within myself to find the thing that’s still there, broken and huddled and tiny as it is. i need to feel some semblance of the self again. the me from before i watched this episode. the innocent version of myself, blissful in ignorance. it’s too late now.

that episode…………..was fucked up. that was seriously fucked up. im not okay bro they really just came in left field and slapped that in my face expecting me to get up and walk away just fine afterwards like No that isn’t how this Works y’all need to bundle some therapy sessions with ur episodes pullin that shit come ON

exhaustion is taking over the shock, i am simply tired now. i will fall asleep and when i wake up sket dance will be a happy fun show again with NO fucked up backstories ever Or Else. i’m fucking serious right now i’m gonna count to 3 and that shit better be retconned when i turn around,

screams

thank you

#tldr sket dance has some really fucked up shit in it & i wasn’t expecting it & im having a crisis #it was supposed to be funnie clown show not ouchie oof show #how did it end up like this #fuck. christ. what the fuck #retag later #ani blogging #me watchin this show: yea this is fun like idk if i see myself getting /invested/ invested but i’m enjoying myself nonetheless!#gets to That Episode: …../oh./ oh i /see./ we’re doing That Shit huh #*sound of me getting /invested/ invested*#just a neat lil show about funy jokes :)#wheeeeeeee

1 note · View note

camomills · 4 years ago

Text

Title: Old Souls Relationships: Sinon/Lisbeth; Sinon & Agil Fandom: Sword Art Online Word Count: 1767 Summary: Sinon realizes she is allowing others to become closer to her, and that scares her. A conversation with an older friend might help assuage her fears. Notes: Made for SAO Pride Week 2020 - Day 1: Small Steps. This is a reworked draft from last year's SAO Pride Week that I turned into some Sinon/Lisbeth, mostly Sinon-centric. I also just really wanted to do something with Agil because I think he's a fun character, and I personally think his wise demeanor makes him a nice character to bounce off the younger cast.Thanks to redbluezero for beta reading!

AO3 Link

The smell of coffee has always been one of Shino’s favorites. It reminds her of rainy days spent in the company of a book in her favorite bookshop, staring mindlessly at the steam as she waited until her drink cooled. It’s no wonder Dicey Café became one of her dearest places.

“Here’s your order!”

The company might have something to do with it, too.

“This one’s on the house,” Rika declares as she sets the cup on the counter, then winks.

From behind her, she hears someone clear their throat.

She slowly turns to meet Agil’s gaze, and sure enough, he’s scowling at her. The grip on the glass he’s drying has turned vice-like.

“That one’s on your salary.”

“Agil, c’mon! Let me be cool!”

They bicker for a short minute, Rika being cheeky whereas Agil is composed. The tone of the discussion is more akin to foolish banter between friends than a squabble between a boss and his employee, so Shino allows herself to laugh at it.

Rika’s shift soon ends and she heads to the ladies’ room to change. As per usual these days, Shino waits for her so they can keep company to one another on the train ride back home.

Yesterday’s commute was much like any other.

The train car shook and rattled against the steel and gravel tracks as the whirls of metal and the passengers’ chatter filled the compartment. The two girls partook in idle chatter, holding onto the same metal pole to keep their balance inside the box car. Shino’s proximity to Rika allowed the girl to filter the blacksmith’s words through the fog of sound.

Shino’s hands scraped against Rika’s on each stop.

“So, so,” Rika continued telling excitedly, “he destroyed the best sword in my shop! My masterpiece, turned to smithereens.”

Shino let out a horrified gasp in jest.

“Oh, my. I lost my dear Hecate’s scope trying to help him out in BoB. I wonder if we’re liable for some sort of compensation?”

The two nodded in tandem over their two-person class-action lawsuit plans. They broke the comical act when the train stopped at the next station a bit too roughly, bumping them into each other. They couldn’t contain their chuckles at their own silliness.

“Ah, next one’s my stop,” Rika announced.

Shino knew. They’d been sharing this commute for a while.

“I’ll be seeing you then. Until next time, Rika.”

Shino expected Rika to leave as the train doors opened, but she approached Shino instead. Rika’s arms bundled around Shino’s frame.

It’s a moment that allowed Shino to take note of a small list of Rika Things. Rika is only taller than her by a few inches, but it’s enough that it allowed her chin to rest on Rika’s shoulder slightly. The fake fur on Rika’s coat bristled against Shino’s nose, gentle and irritating— much like Rika herself, she thought. The pressure at the shorter girl’s back where Rika’s slender fingers intertwined was rough, yet fond.

A wave of warmth radiated through Shino’s body. She weakly squeezed Rika back.

“Until next time!” Rika said as she uncoiled her arms from around the other girl.

She beamed at Shino before hopping through the train doors, waving as she exited at the station.

That was the first time Rika had ever hugged her.

Shino’s body wanted to feel elated, but her brain didn’t allow it; the affection in Rika’s gesture got muddled in her spiral of guilty thoughts. Since when did she allow people to get so close?

Since when did I let myself want that?

The rest of her commute was spent staring out the cart’s window, hoping that the train’s AC would manage to cool down her emotions before long.

As the bathroom door slams shut, Agil rests his arms on the counter and leans against it, a hand sitting upon his bald head.

“Can you believe her? I offered her this part-time job because I knew it’d help her with college, but...” He throws his hands out, his fondness for Lis peeking through a smile fighting his scowl. “You know?”

Mm-hmm, Shino nods empathically, as she’s wont to do with Agil. The company that lures her in here, of course, includes both of the bartenders.

She had grown to care for all of her new friends, but she was caught by surprise at how much she related to Agil, of all people. He is the oldest in their merry band of players, by far, and despite that– no, because of that, they got along.

People her age, throughout most of her experience, were uncaring at best and cruel at worst. The adults around her, dry as they could be, served as the closest to good company she had growing up. There’s a bitter taste in her mouth as Shino realizes she’s grown more proficient in talking to adults due to the past cruelty of all the people her age in her life up until very recently. Thankfully, it’s easy enough to wash it down with the sweetness of the cappuccino Rika had mischievously handed her.

Agil, on the other hand, appreciates having a regular other than Asuna with whom he could default to intellectual conversation and wouldn’t call his establishment, ‘a dump’. How did Kirito manage to rope even Silica into it?

As their conversation strays away from Lisbeth’s demeanor, they fall to their more usual topics: Shino asks about how he manages to do latte art so perfectly every time and he asks if she finally reached the fourth chapter of the book he lent to her a couple of days ago. One “final” plea for him to try out Gun Gale, and his unacceptable excuse that he doesn’t have the time.

Mundane topics like that are their speed, but for once, Shino has something less mundane in her mind. There’s something in that space, with the gentle ambiance music and the calming presence of a wiser friend, that brings her to feel that Agil is the right person, at that time, for those thoughts.

“I think I like Lis,” she professes like a secret she wished wasn’t true. It doesn’t seem to be the meat of what she has to say, judging from the way her jaw clenches.

Agil simply hums. He’d rather talk about latte art.

“Yeah, I figured. I mean, you really started coming here more often once she started working here.”

He laughs, a wry, good-natured sound, hard to define between his fondness for the girls and his apathy for the topic.

“I mean… yes. But that’s not the point. How do I…”

Shino gulps. Her gaze turns to the counter in front of her, where her hands lie. She fiddles with her fingers, watching as her thumbs graze each other through their rotations; staring at them without thinking about the words she’s about to say, are the only way she manages to go through it.

“I guess… I don’t know if I remember how to be around people. Or if it’s... right, for me to be around people?”

She remembers what those hands did; the cold of steel and the heat of gunfire, the maroon of splattered blood and the gray of post office tiles.

Is it okay for a broken person like me…?

Agil would be lying if he said he’s particularly interested in involving himself in the romantic squabbles of teenagers. The other aspect of her plea, though, is something he’s unfortunately familiar with. He ponders, his face a mix of sagely and worried, as the soft thudding of her trembling hands are barely drowned out by the bar’s blues music.

“I was worried, too, back when I had to come back to my life after SAO.”

Shino raises her gaze to Agil’s eyes.

“I mean, it's not the same thing, but… it’s hard being around people who judge you for what you went through, and trying to make connections when everyone thinks you’re screwed in the head is a pain in the ass. ‘The game where those freaks killed each other.’ ‘The murderer girl’.”

Agil knows what Shino did. Shino told all of them, eventually.

“But everyone who spent those two years in the flying castle went through a lot of things they shouldn't have had to, and probably did some things they regret. To others. To themselves. I did, Kirito and Asuna did, and so did Rika. We talk about it…”

His eyes turn to the ladies’ room’s door, where Rika is changing. He decides her past is not his to divulge.

“Uh. I guess all I’m trying to say is that you’re friends with people who get it, because none of us are sure it’ll ever be okay with people. So, we just stick together. I doubt Rika minds… whatever it is you're worried about? I think people like us have little besides each other.”

The last bit sticks with Shino. As she chews on the words once more, she stares at her hands. The weight they carry is impossibly heavy, but if what Agil says is true, then that means others, too, carry the same burden.

Her trembling ceases.

He pauses. “Or something?”

He’s not sure how much sense he is making.

“I’m not sure how much sense I’m making.”

That gets a chuckle out of her, and that’s good enough for him.

Rika exits the bathroom, her former bartender-y, formal-ish ponytail from a few minutes ago undone into a mess of brown hair. Her lack of an apron reveals the cute hammer patterns on her graphic shirt.

"Are you two nerds done talking about nerd stuff?" She says, as if not just as much of one.

Agil and Shino roll their eyes.

"Yeah, we’re done with our nerd stuff."

Rika starts sliding her arm into her jacket, then turns to Shino. “Sweet. Are you ready to go then?”

Shino looks at Agil, who simply offers her a friendly wave and a knowing smile.

“Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

The two girls walk off together to the train station. The empty night streets give them quiet, with little to focus on other than the sound of boots hitting pavement, the cold breeze, and each other. It’s then when, bashful yet confident, Shino tries to interlock her fingers with Rika’s.

Rika squeezes her hand in return, rough yet fond.

As Rika wordlessly taps her fingers on Shino’s knuckles, Shino realizes that Agil was right. There’s no way that those hands, fitting so perfectly together, were meant to be apart. Perhaps such heavy hands have no other pairs but each other, and that is fine.

#SAO #Sword Art Online #Lisinon #Fili writes #saoprideweek2020

14 notes · View notes

whyiloveparkjimin · 5 years ago

Text

Regarding Online Trolling and Bullying

I have been involved in K-pop for quite a while—since 2005 actually (I was a huge fan of the five-member TVXQ and since then I’ve been a staunch supporter of various K-pop groups). I’ve seen K-pop acts come and go, and I’ve seen the fandom change in incredible ways. It’s amazing to witness the growth of the fandom particularly outside of Korea—I went from being the weird girl listening to Asian music to now someone who was ahead of her time, haha. I love that the internet brings so much exposure to the amazing talent in Korea, and I love seeing so many more non-Korean fans like myself engage in promoting their favorite groups.

Of course, there is never light without a shadow. While I’m proud of how well the K-pop fandom promotes our favorite artists to grow our numbers almost every day, I’m also heartbroken at the increased number of online trolls and bullying.

Here’s the thing—and I’m sure you knew it was coming —I love f(x). I liked them from the beginning, and I was sad when Sulli left the group. After she left, she made a lot of choices in her personal life that were controversial in the conservative society she lived in. I even remember being mildly shocked by her behavior every once in a while. But here’s the thing—I would never, never, waste time trying to publicly criticize her or try to get others to band together with me to publicly condemn her choices. What is the point in that? She was not engaged in criminal behavior (which is the only behavior that I think is appropriate to publicly condemn). Why would I spend my time and energy pulling someone down when I could spend my time promoting and building up the people I love?

Even if Sulli wasn’t on my list of top favorite idols, I still cared about her. I was sad knowing how much crap she got from nameless internet bullies. And look—when news of her death came out, even when it was not a confirmed suicide because there was no suicide note—everyone already knew why she died. Everyone in the entertainment industry widely knew how much she had been bullied by trolls. And here’s the thing: NO ONE DID ANYTHING WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING. Not her agency, not other non-troll fans. It took her death to wake us up from complacency.

Now, I want to use another example. Sulli was widely known to receive more hate comments than support comments. But what about more popular celebrities? Do they deserve defending as well?

Let’s use my current Kpop bias Park Jimin from BTS as an example. He is regarded as one of the most popular figures in pop music at the moment and gets plenty of love from fans all over the world. In fact, he broke a record on his birthday: for a while the top 20 Twitter trending hashtags were all for Jimin. That’s a lot of worldwide love. However, later that day his anti-fans made a hate Jimin hashtag trend in Korea at #2. I can’t tell you how angry that made me—and not just because Jimin is my bias. It doesn’t matter that the love and support he receives is more than that of the hate. The thing is, that kind of relentless, senseless hate of anti-fans is exactly the sort of thing that killed our sweet Sulli. What kind of people are so threatened by the success of an entertainer they don’t personally like that they make sure to send him tens of thousands of hate messages on his birthday?

It’s those who gain some sort of twisted satisfaction by being cruel. They are people who either don’t bother to understand or don’t care about the far-reaching mental effects of what they do. Now, bullying is sadly something most people deal with in some form in their lives. It’s kind of normal between siblings and on the elementary school playground. But there comes a point where we are old enough to understand that words hurt and can leave scars upon the soul. There comes a point where we are old enough to understand that there is a difference between ‘just expressing your opinion’ and being purposefully malicious. RM once confessed that he had spent 5 hours, even 5 days thinking about hate comments like “I hate him” that were written in a 5 mere seconds by some individual online [who probably never thought about that careless comment again]. Becoming famous does not magically make you mentally immune to cruelty. It doesn’t matter how popular or unpopular a celebrity is. Purposefully cruel comments are mentally damaging to those whom the comments are written about. End of argument.

Here’s the important part. I understand that most of us aren’t internet trolls ourselves. But (and I’ve been guilty of this myself) when we do nothing to speak out against trolls or to stop this toxic internet culture, we are basically giving malicious bullies the green light to continue and spread their behavior. Forgive the extreme example, but it’s like the people who rolled over and did nothing while the Nazis took control in parts of Europe in the 1930s and 40s. History will judge us for not speaking out against hateful rhetoric, whether expressed against celebrities or non-celebrities, while the mental health of hundreds of thousands of people declines because of our inaction.

So what can we do? Report trolls. Block nasty people. Don’t follow sasaeng accounts even if they reveal what you think is interesting information/photos of your favorite idols—these fake fans are basically stalkers who intrude on idols’ privacy, and we should not condone such behavior. Don’t spread rumors. It’s okay at some level to have fun and speculate as long as you clearly state you are only guessing—don’t spread a theory as truth just because you’d like to believe it’s true.

There’s even a way to call out your online friends in a kind way when they’re engaging in toxic public comment culture. Perhaps say something like, “Hey, instead of spending time hating on ____, why don’t we just spend our time building awareness and clout for those celebs we do support?” We all can and should do more to promote behavior that is healthy and supportive instead of cruel and destructive. In a world that grows ever meaner and petty, with even our political leaders using social media to attack others, let’s be the ones that start the change. Let’s be the generation to be proud of by fighting maliciousness with kindness.

Kindness is never something you’ll regret when you look back on your life. Mean and harsh words that cut others down will never be something to look back with pride on. Let’s all be the change we wish to see.

If this post resonates with you, please consider reblogging it. It’s a message worth spreading.

#anti-bullying #anti-trolling #kindness on the internet #change toxic culture online #be the change you wish to see #park jimin #have courage and be kind

30 notes · View notes

thisiskatsblog · 5 years ago

Text

Soup, Sex and Sun Salutations

Fixed it!

[Note: all it took was some copypasting - just the italics are mine]

“We had the chance to sit down over some miso soup with Harry Styles. We didn’t talk about his new album at all but were charmed by the way he challenges gender norms and by what he had to say about sexuality, his female fans, feminism, while male privilege, toxic masculinity, his publicity relationship stunts, and how meditation and yoga have helped him deal with it all. ”

Challenging gender norms

He’s got a white floppy hat that Diana Ross might have won from Elton in a poker game at Cher’s mansion circa 1974.

His nail polish is pink and mint green.

He’s also carrying his purse — no other word for it.

He hosted the Met Gala with Lady Gaga, Serena Williams, Alessandro Michele, and Anna Wintour serving an eyebrow-raising black lace red-carpet look.

He is the official face of a designer genderless fragrance, Gucci’s Mémoire d’une Odeur.

Harry said in his speech (note: for Stevie Nicks). “She knows what you need: advice, a little wisdom, a blouse, a shawl.” He added, “She’s responsible for more running mascara — including my own — than all the bad dates in history.”

Refusing to put a label on his sexuality

Harry likes to cultivate an aura of sexual ambiguity, as overt as the pink polish on his nails.

He’s asking questions about culture, gender, identity, new ideas about masculinity and sexuality.

He’s dated women throughout his life as a public figure, yet he has consistently refused to put any kind of label on his sexuality

On his first solo tour, he frequently waved the pride, bi, and trans flags, along with the Black Lives Matter flag. In Philly, he waved a rainbow flag he borrowed from a fan up front: “Make America Gay Again.” One of the live fan favorites: “Medicine,” a guitar jam that sounds a bit like the Grateful Dead circa Europe ’72, but with a flamboyantly pansexual hook: “The boys and girls are in/I mess around with them/And I’m OK with it.

He’s always had a flair for flourishes like this, since the 1D days. An iconic clip from November 2014: Harry and Liam are on a U.K. chat show. The host asks the oldest boy-band fan-bait question in the book: What do they look for in a date? “Female,” Liam quips. “That’s a good trait.” Harry shrugs. “Not that important.” Liam is taken aback. The host is in shock. On tour in the U.S. that year, he wore a Michael Sam football jersey, in support of the first openly gay player drafted by an NFL team. He’s blown up previously unknown queer artists like King Princess and Muna

His worst fears

“While I was in the band,” he says, I felt so much weight in terms of not getting things wrong. I remember when I signed my record deal and I asked my manager, ‘What happens if I get arrested? Does it mean the contract is null and void?’ ”

About Rainbow Direction

“Now, I feel like the fans have given me an environment to be myself and grow up and create this safe space to learn and make mistakes”

“It’s a room full of accepting people.… If you’re someone who feels like an outsider, you’re not always in a big crowd like that,” he says.

At one of his earliest solo shows, in Stockholm, he announced, “If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you. I love every single one of you.

What do those flags onstage mean to him? “I want to make people feel comfortable being whatever they want to be,” he says. “Maybe at a show you can have a moment of knowing that you’re not alone.”

“To me, the greatest thing about the tour was that the room became the show,” he says. “It’s not just me.”

About vulnerability, toxic masculinity, and meditation

“I’m discovering how much better it makes me feel to be open with friends. Feeling that vulnerability, rather than holding everything in”

“I feel pretty lucky to have a group of friends who are guys who would talk about their emotions and be really open,” he says. “My friend’s dad said to me, ‘You guys are so much better at it than we are. I never had friends I could really talk to. It’s good that you guys have each other because you talk about real shit. We just didn’t.’”

“I was such a skeptic going in,” he says. “But I think meditation has helped with worrying about the future less, and the past less. I feel like I take a lot more in—things that used to pass by me because I was always rushing around. It’s part of being more open and talking with friends. It’s not always the easiest to go in a room and say, ‘I made a mistake and it made me feel like this, and then I cried a bunch.’ But that moment where you really let yourself be in that zone of being vulnerable, you reach this feeling of openness. That’s when you feel like, ‘Oh, I’m fucking living, man.’”

Doesn’t this ambiguous sexuality clash with his public image?

He’s dated [a string of high-profile] women throughout his life as a public figure, yet he has consistently refused to put any kind of label on his sexuality - [and] he never gets caught uttering any of their names in public.

We’re off to the pub,” he tells his mom. “We’re going to talk some shop.” She smiles sweetly. “Talk some shit, probably,” says Anne.

“It’s not like I’ve ever sat and done an interview and said, ‘So I was in a relationship, and this is what happened,’” he says. “Because, for me, music is where I let that cross over. It’s the only place, strangely, where it feels right to let that cross over.”

So how does he feel about the industry?

“Only a city as narcissistic as L.A. would have a street called Los Angeles Street,” he says.

About his female fans, and about feminism

He’s always had a fervent female fandom, and, admirably, he’s never felt a need to pretend he doesn’t love it that way. “They’re the most honest — especially if you’re talking about teenage girls, but older as well,” he says. “They have that bullshit detector. You want honest people as your audience. We’re so past that dumb outdated narrative of ‘Oh, these people are girls, so they don’t know what they’re talking about.’ They’re the ones who know what they’re talking about. They’re the people who listen obsessively. They fucking own this shit. They’re running it.”

“To me, the greatest thing about the tour was that the room became the show,” he says. “It’s not just me.” He sips his tea. “I’m just a boy, standing in front of a room, asking them to bear with him.”

He doesn’t have the uptightness some people have about sexual politics, or about identifying as a feminist. “I think ultimately feminism is thinking that men and women should be equal, right? People think that if you say ‘I’m a feminist,’ it means you think men should burn in hell and women should trample on their necks. No, you think women should be equal. That doesn’t feel like a crazy thing to me. I grew up with my mum and my sister — when you grow up around women, your female influence is just bigger. Of course men and women should be equal. I don’t want a lot of credit for being a feminist. It’s pretty simple. I think the ideals of feminism are pretty straightforward.”

About white male privilege

“It’s not about, ‘Oh, I get what it’s like,’ because I don’t. For example, I go walking at night before bed most of the time. I was talking about that with a female friend and she said, ‘Do you feel safe doing that?’ And I do. But when I walk, I’m more aware that I feel OK to walk at night, and some of my friends wouldn’t. I’m not saying I know what it feels like to go through that. It’s just being aware.”

I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows. I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.”

On tour, he had an End Gun Violence sticker on his guitar; he added a Black Lives Matter sticker, as well as the flag. “It’s not about me trying to champion the cause, because I’m not the person to do that,” he says. “It’s just about not ignoring it, I guess. I was a little nervous to do that because the last thing I wanted was for it to feel like I was saying, ‘Look at me! I’m the good guy!’ I didn’t want anyone who was really involved in the movement to think, ‘What the fuck do you know?’ But then when I did it, I realized people got it. Everyone in that room is on the same page and everyone knows what I stand for. I’m not saying I understand how it feels. I’m just trying to say, ‘I see you.’”

Heartbreak and loss

As Stevie starts to sing “Landslide” — “I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around youuuu” — Anne walks over to where Harry sits. She crouches down behind him, reaches her arms around him tightly. Neither of them says a word. They listen together and hold each other close to the very end of the song. Everybody in Wembley is singing along with Stevie, but these two are in a world of their own.

[Note: I doubted a bit whether to include that last part, but then I did, because this HS2 is apparently an album about sadness, and the description of that moment reminded me painfully of the real heartbreak and sadness Harry and Anne have had to deal with in recent years. So here’s a little shoutout to Anne who lost Robin, so recently still. Wishing her all the courage to continue building her life without him at the center of it. We love you.]

10 notes · View notes

sunnysynthsunshine · 6 years ago

Text

6th Comedy Monologue

“So folks, that whole Brexit rubbish is finally over isn’t it?”

“I know, some of us could see it coming and Teresa May looks like the spitting image

of the stepmother from Cinderella

how come nobody has noticed that yet?

we all have politicians we don’t like don’t we?

at times like this, I have to remind myself Teresa May is a very well liked woman

but then I remember back in the day Margaret Thatcher was also a very well liked woman

don’t you think she and Teresa may are quite similar?

well this is how she’d treat a political problem

*attempts impersonation*

“what’s that? ok men I did you to do this and then this and then this and this”

whereas Teresa may would handle the situation like…

*attempts impersonation*

what’s this? oh leave it for a few months

but the main thing is they both hate poor people so who cares what they think

I actually sort of understand why people like Jeremy Corbyn but I had written that previous gag back in late June of last year, speaking of outdated gags

Pirates were the communists and socialists of the 17th century

they wanted money, disagreed with colonialism and didn’t care what the government thought of them

like with communists they were accepting and inclusive but they wanted gold

the pirates accepted many on their ship they allowed homosexuality, they allowed women in strong roles there were great times had on the high seas

even with the loot, they got they’d share it evenly what other power was involved with being inclusive with most things except money Oh Yeah! the communists

Yes, Yes we’ll handle it we’ll accept you but give us all your money

communism is a good concept but in the end, people get greedy for the money

like with pirates

we’ll accept you matey but give us some gold

however they didn’t agree about the government, they had their own independent pirate crews and disagreed with colonialism and capitalism

kind of like some of us, I think

we criticize politics, we like to party and we accept most people except colonialists …and capitalists...

Oh well, at least there’s been good music with Marina and the diamonds, Ariana Grande and the 1975

We, humans, love music

which makes me think about bands related to Homosapians

in the 60s we had the Monkees good band good name

and now we have Arctic Monkeys, Gorillaz, Rang a Tang and Apes

what about the lesser known homosapian types

Chimpanzees and Baboons

if music existed in Planet of the Apes

the Kate Bush hit Babooshka would be about a

monkey looking for love after getting his heart broken seeing his wife cheat on him with an older mandrill

only to fall in love again with who he’d call his baboonska

Animals are interesting creatures whether they are made of glass, made of 1960s haircuts or made of the first songs of a math rock band

Another good thing about music and animals is that Roger Taylor is going to help us save the bees

Thinking bee! Thinking queen! thinking bee! Thinking queen!

Speaking of which there’s been a whole glam rock/synthpop revival going on

And I love that

although as a kid I watched media from all sorts of different decades

While they watched Jersey Shore and Love Island I was watching Disney and CBBC sitcoms mixed with Japanese cartoons and shows from years before like Jem and the holograms, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the original my little pony series.

I would also watch funnybones, the original noody series from a VHS I “borrowed” from my neighbours, as well as the Muppet show and some classic cinema.

I think it’s amazing that this revival is happening it’s like the 60s,70s,80s,90s and early 2000s are all going on at the same time.

Revolutionary anarchic protests, Androgynous rockers, Neon colours, post-punk indie shows, peculiar fashion trends and reality shows as well as the cybernetic future beyond

But I’m also cold and angry about how this is happening because on the other hand, there are things carried over from previous decades that shouldn’t still be around...fascists in positions of power, nonces in the entertainment industry, Threat of a nuclear war, low economy, Jamie Oliver, Piers Morgan, Death, Pollution,Misogyny,Misandry,Sexism,Racism and White Supremacy

I could list more, but I can’t think at the moment I’m focusing on my work while morons on Twitter and Tumblr are yabbering on about vegan sausage rolls.

I’ve never tried Greggs before but I’m sure the vegans and vegetarians are happy that a mainstream chain like Greggs has made a product catered specifically for them, whereas before if you asked for a “vegan option” at a restaurant the waiter would scratch their neck.

However not all restaurants are like this,having to work overtime dealing with angry parents,screaming children and the odd nazi at Mcdonalds is not an easy task,yet so many waiters and workers across the world are able to somehow keep those businesses afloat,you guys, girls and comrades don’t get enough credit,you should be paid more,no wonder so many mainstream restaurants are having strikes or running out of food and people are either going to more independently funded places or ordering online to get their daily dose of fast fried convenience.

and while I would be interested in trying a vegetarian diet,It would be hard for me to give up eating chicken that quickly but I don’t really eat meat that often,and before you say anything as long as cannibals don’t use their choice of food in a dangerous way they’re ok with me, it’s no different to when our prehistoric ancestors had to hunt to find food in order to survive,some people still have to do that,it’s sad...it really is,while Christianity isn’t something I believe in anymore, it did say in the bible that Jesus shared his bread and food with his people,and I think some of us should start doing that,and if you already do whether it’s a snack you have or leaving out leftover food from your side takeaway business, that’s brilliant your making more people happy and your allowing more people to enjoy food and to have access to that basic human necessity that we all should be able to have to access to.

Sharing is another primary school lesson it feels like half of humanity has forgotten about outside of basic decency and kindness, but I’m probably not the one to talk about that since I was called “Rude” for most of my life.

there’s a big difference between telling someone they’re a plonker and making someone more aware of how they can improve themselves as a person.

Most of us all have flaws, most of us have had toxic moments,

we’ve all at times had moments where we’ve said something wrong that we didn’t mean,

or times where our cowardliness has accidentally caused misunderstandings and drama

or times where we didn’t intend to sound hurtful but that’s how it came across, or times where we’ve blindly followed toxic people, imitating their actions without meaning to or just generally times where we’ve been ignorant little eijjits.

Even people some would say were flawless had flaws or problematic aspects about them

David Bowie wasn’t too nice to his wife Angie in later years, Graham Lineman and Robert Webb are transphobic, Rowan Atkinson supports Boris Johnson’s “so-called” jokes and Ricky Gervais doesn’t like hearing people with different opinions than him.

Overthinking however can exaggerate this, overthinking can take that one time you were a bit rude as a child and that problematic “fandom” phase you had as a preteen and make you feel like your worst person in the world.

Your not, but most of us have had moments,there’s also the “not like other girls/boys phase” sometimes it’s just a light-hearted comparison drawing or blog post taken out of context other times it’s the grown-up equivalent of saying “I like this thing over your other thing that means I’m better than you”

Considering my at times cold thoughts it’s weird that I’m the person of all people telling you this

It’s perfectly ok to be prideful and narcissistic just don’t be so arrogant that you forget about your morals and the people that you're close to, but if at times because of mental health you question your levels of empathy, sympathy and compassion that’s ok too, your voices deserve to be heard, and there is help available you can find it through helplines, organizations or even your own comrades.

Outside of all the twits in this horrid fishbowl of a world, there are also millions of very kind nice people, I don’t know where I’d be now without my comrades

The offline pals who are like my sunshine because they brighten up my day,the old secondary school friends that made me feel less alone,the online people who I can vent to, converse with and joke with,the bloggers from years ago that I still sometimes keep in touch with and the creators who through their work in Media, Theatre and the Arts were able to encourage me to keep going, keep working, keep creating.

I think your all lovely and beautiful and creative human beings, no matter what identity you are, what music genre you listen to or what topping you prefer on your pizza

I will most likely adore you and if I haven’t it’s probably because I haven’t met you yet

You are one biscuit of cells, on this fishbowl planet, your mind is a land of wonder and your body is the garden surrounding it, take care of yourself like how you take care of your garden, your pets or the fictional characters you write about.

Your future might not be the future you expect, but it’s one you’ll enjoy.

if you are doing something you love which harms nobody, be as happy and passionate about it as you like

you are a person who deserves the world

Don’t push yourself too hard, if you know you’re doing a good job keep at it, don’t stress yourself too hard, but remember not to procrastinate, your mental health is important, some people might not understand all of the issues you’re going through, but you can make it out alive.

You're, not a number or statistic you're a person, your a beautiful, Kind, incredible, wise person

spread some love and don’t forget what the late Freddie Mercury said,

Keep yourself Alive!

#comedy monologue #original monologue #joke

5 notes · View notes

xharuka17x · 6 years ago

Text

Fanfiction Questions

The questions were posted by vorchagirl. So I decided to reply to them! :)

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Sailor Moon & Gundam Wings

2. What is your latest fandom?

Supernatural

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

SM, GW and SPN

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

Yes and No, there’s good and bad moments

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

GW and SPN

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Sailor Moon/Tuxedo Mask from SM, Heero/Trowa from GW and Dean/Castiel from SPN

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Tuxedo Mask/Anyone other then Sailor Moon, Heero/Duo, Trowa/Quatre for GW and Dean/Sam for SPN

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

SPN conventions!

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

Destiel, plus all the friends I have made

10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Nope

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom 11. Who is your current OTP? Destiel

12. Who is your current OT3? None

13. Any NoTPs? Dean/Sam

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? Gabriel and Castiel

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? Jody/Donna

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? Wincest, Winchestiel, John with any of TFW,

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? My first real OTP with Heero/Trowa and yup, still love them.

18. What ship have you written the most about? Destiel!

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? Nope

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Dean/Benny, Dean/Jody, Sam/Rowena

Author Questions 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? Love & Lost for GW

22. Is there anything you regret writing? Nope

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. Big Bad & His Bunny, Its different and barely has any dialog which was something I wanted to try conveying.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? I need to get most of my earlier fics beta’d for sure lol no rewrites.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic? Eucalyptus & Buying an Alpha

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? No clue, they just hit me while I write out my fic idea lol

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries? Writing Summaries... I’m horrible at it....

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? I’ve been lucky and privileged to have already worked with a few amazing artist, so...

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? Yup, 2! Helps a lot sense English is my second language lol

30. What inspires you to write? Ideas and plots that I want to read myself.

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing? Oh I’ve been honored by many heart warming comments, I can’t pin down just one lol

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you? Yes and no, depends on my mood. I listen to every genre of music, so sometimes I only want instrumental to get me going. Other times, depending the scene I am working on, I don’t want interruptions/outside influences that music can have lol

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics? Oneshots and multi-chapter fics

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic? Over 100k

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? Sure and Destiel lol

36. What’s your favourite genre to write? I love Angst, love heavy feels

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why? Past tense, I have a hard time reading first person fics, much less write them lol

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? Established

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer? Putting out stories others will enjoy.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? Procrastination

Fanfiction Questions 41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: Not currently reading anything, lol busy writing

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing: SillyBlue, jupiter_james, Unforth, Annie D, sir_kingsley

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? Honestly, the artist do. Diminuel, Kamicom, pond0109, maru-1218, pa-hu, yayeeh1344, booksuepin, xxmusiclifexx, quim-vaa, castielsgal, hellredskyart, aureritart, askcastielangelofthelord, chineseyellowcat, elicedraws, thefriendlypigeon, purgatory-jar, cecylia0731, lineneart, consulting-cannibal, nile-kun, vinnie-chan, cheriiart, Ranya-nii, blew-san, I know I'm forgetting so many.... but yes.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? Dean/Jody!!

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic? I honesty don’t have one

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? Um... well I suppose the more popular ones? Eucalyptus, Buying an Alpha, Football & Pride, and Save Me.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why? AO3, its easy

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not? Yes because other deserve love for their effort and time they put into creating their story too.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not? I love comments and its a big honor if my stories get re-blogged to share.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? A friend in high school showed me Sailor Moon and GW fanfiction and well, I’ve always wanted to be a writer and boom!

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! I love the diversity in the many kinds of ships, BUT I think too many fans waste time hating on others and their ship(s). Just ship and let ship man. Luv is luv.

3 notes · View notes

inopinion · 7 years ago

Note

Writing prompt: "would you give everything up, if it would save him?" "No."

Another prompt given to me pre-War Storm. Forgive the late delivery.

See Part 1 here…

@lilyharvord, @mareshmallow, @redqueenfandom, @anyone-anything-canbetrayanyone, @tiberias-vii, @runexandra, @mom2reesie, @scarletguardsource, @adraxsteia, @redqueenfandom, @wrenskonos, @Maria-habs, @cordelnight, @naercxy, @morebooks-pls, @lamemathpuns, @booksmusicmoviesandmore, @thespacebetweenthestars, @book-fandoms-rule-the-world, @juggyandbetty, @redqueen214, @giihmonzane13…

Remember, War Storm Spoilers are involved…

And reblog to share with a friend.

Paranoia isn’t an unfamiliar partner after what I’d been through, but I am certain it’s not just my damaged psyche nor the influence of the alcohol. People are watching us. Strangers that I don’t know crane their necks and track us off the dance floor. Each step becomes a stomp that defies their judgement–real or imaginary.

So close to him, I can’t imagine allowing enough space to do anything but test the strength of the thread holding his buttons. Cal is like no other lover I’ve ever had because there is.. was.. I guess is actual love between us. Has been, will be, forever. Some part of me belongs to him even if that part got left behind on a battlefield. Perhaps he carries it with him like I carry his earring. I’m eager to see if I can find it, the search will be fun enough of a reward.

Except, Farley looks at me like she looks at Clara when she’s headed for a collision with gravity. But I know she’ll let me fall and scrape my knees and cry just the same. Only Clara gets a cuddle and set back on her feet. Farley won’t patch the holes I tear into myself. We’ve been through too much together for me not to respect what that look means: slow down.

Just outside the door I stall. He slows to match. I swing my head around. He takes note of our surroundings. We stop entirely.

Cal is agitated, glaring at a gaping serving girl. He exudes enough warmth that I don’t think I’d need a coat even though it’s snowing. He tugs me, resigned to the gossips. But It doesn’t feel right leaving with him, not like it did before I saw Farley’s face.

“Door’s there. Or I guess we could find some place here to talk.” He waves around us. I swallow. There is no place in the palace without ears. “Second thoughts?” he asks, bitterness coating his tone as he internalizes my hesitation.

He drops my hand and runs his fingers through the curls on his head. It sticks up in weird ways showing exactly how long the top has gotten. I have a third thought, then a fourth, but that’s mostly the alcohol.

“Hey, I want to talk. We should talk. How often are we in the same place, right?” I cringe at his wince. I’m an expert at throwing salt in his wounds. “I just don’t think now is a good time. I mean, I have had more wine than I should. We deserve clear heads, right?”

He swallows, agrees because there’s no other option being given then we hastily make plans. He is scheduled in most of the same sessions as Farley. Almost an entire week completely booked from nine to six. Dinners with various councils and factions take up his nights. I can hear the unspoken conclusion: this is the only time he isn’t already booked.

“But you have to eat lunch, right?” I ask before he can suggest otherwise.

“Provided.”

“But it’s not scheduled. I mean, it isn’t for Farley. Can you get away for lunch? I know a cafe that makes nice sandwiches.”

“Okay, lunch, I guess. I get out of session at eleven-thirty, rejoin at one-fifteen. So, at best, ninety-minutes.”

“Plenty of time,” I respond.

Cal’s face falls. He looks as if he can’t breath, a feeling I know so well that I hurt for him. But I can’t quite fathom why he’s stricken when he never answered my last letter.

“If you’re not ready, that’s okay. It’s okay.” He doesn’t sound like he’s talking to me but to himself, assuring himself.

His chin snaps up in a court-trained posture. He’s let his emotions drip down his sleeves and he makes an effort to recover.

“I meant to start talking. I didn’t mean… I don’t know Cal. Don’t look at me like that.” I can’t help but snap at his neutral mask.

The muscle in his jaw flexes. His eyes are steady and controlled, his temperature moderated, and his voice even when he says, “Where is this cafe?”

Cal gives me whiplash when he squeezes my hand gently and pulls his lip up on one side. Regardless of how much time it is, or what gets said, or what he thinks I’ll say when we get there, we have a date. No, not a date. A meeting. It’s just a meeting, we’ll talk, catch up, trade war stories like other soldiers. We’ll see where he is and where I am. And it’s a fucking date, and I can’t help the surge of excitement.

I walk away, back to Farley who’s critiquing dancers on the floor with another Red General. I’m too caught up in how quickly my word choice crushed Cal to remember her name. One hand, he still likes me, obviously. On the other, he didn’t exactly strike me as emotionally stable. Then again, I almost broke down before dinner just from seeing him, so who am I to talk?

“Oh, you’re still here. Lovely, let’s leave,” Farley muses, flashing teeth.

“Leave? There’s still wine isn’t there?” I smirk as I snag another glass.

I don’t see Cal reenter the ballroom nor can I stop looking for him. I don’t even finish the glass. I hold it just to make Farley wait, which she does with expressive sighs and head rolls. Clara kept her up the night before, too excited about visiting grandma to sleep. But if I wasn’t a pain in Farley’s side, would she still think of me as a sister?

Wriggling out of ballgowns, even those so delicately tailored to my requests, is still a relief second only to a hot bath. Farley’s tub is not luxurious. It barely holds enough water to consider it a soak and my knees stick out if I want my shoulders in, but still, I fill it with water, bubbles and –for good measure– I drop Clara’s mersive and her battleship from eye height just to see them splash.

Between evasive maneuvers and using a bubble-cloud as a fog-storm, my mind veers off of elementary battle tactics and towards the more dangerous realm of silver princes. Ex-princes. Generals. Men.

Cal got upset so quickly I wonder if he expected to sweep me off the dance floor and back into his life. I very nearly left with him. I could have let him carry me out the door and to where ever he has a bed if only for a few more minutes of his warmth. But that was always our problem, too much chemistry and not enough math. We never added things up, not until the very end, and then we were both surprised when we couldn’t quite make it work. Bad analogy, I was never that great with math.

More like we’re two pieces so closely shaped that if you squinted, we fit together perfectly. But eyes wide open, at least when we last parted, there were gaps. We didn’t fit. I couldn’t keep squinting and neither could he.

Maybe I’ve managed to fill-in the right parts of me, and maybe he’s made himself into a new shape, too. That’s what I hoped time would give us. Walking away last night, seeking a clearer head, I don’t think I could have done that before. Surging with pride, I sink the mersive to strike the battleship from below.

“Don’t sleep all day,” Farley tosses something at me, it lands with a thud. She’s out the door before I can roll over.

Bundled together with a rubber-band are brochures, pamphlets, and adds from a newspaper all about jobs. Red retraining programs touting the achievement of a true education and a trade all in one. The Guard’s military brochure is a three page tri-fold with the benefits listed in bold, red letters on a white background. The Montfort pamphlets are similar but green and lack a navy. More describe the training to join the tech sectors in the old tech towns. I let them fall on the floor and flop back over.

It’s not that I don’t want a job, or that I don’t have one. I just don’t have one that pays money with any regularity. I can smell my mom’s complaining on the bold gesture. When we first got to our small town west of Ascendant, I helped Gisa set up her shop, read documents, kept the ledgers, took down orders. But Gisa learned to read and write and then there was little for me around the shop. Besides, my mom deserved the easy job of helping my sister. I haven’t held a steady job since. I’m unreliable. I’m flighty. I’m sensitive to sounds, fast movement, aggressive tones. At least Farley had the sense to offer me service positions, when I tell mom where I got the brochures, she’s gonna let Farley have it.

With a small pinch of joy, I fall back asleep imagining Farley’s face as my mother lectures her on getting me out of trouble and not into it.

The sun is high and the light is beautiful through the translucent drapes over the windows. They alternate purple and blue and cream creating shadows and casting color on the plain walls. I haven’t woken so rested in a long time, at least a month. My stomach growls.

I am hungry.

The sun is up, high in the sky.

Flying from the couch to the kitchen I squint through sleepy eyes at the clock and panic. There’s no time. I yank on pants, a mostly clean shirt and stuff my feet into boots. I squirt some tooth paste into my mouth and rinse with water. I am leaving five minutes later than I should. I run and it feels so good to be heading somewhere, to have the adrenaline, to chase that high all the way up the hill and down the other.

At the bottom of the hill, work crews struggle. Water pulses out of the storm drain onto the street. On the edges, it freezes into ice and builds up in layers as the waves come faster than the nymph can redirect. The silver isn’t very powerful and can do little more than redirect the water. The entire street is blocked.

I race up the hill to the road at the top and rush down half a block to the alley and then back down the hill. The detour forces me to loop around the building that holds the cafe. The clock on the bank across the street says it’s almost noon. I am nearly thirty minutes late, fifteen if he didn’t leave the council until eleven-thirty.

Through the door, I pause to watch. I want to see him without him knowing that I’m watching. I want to read him, how he is without me. How he is when he’s on his own and not a general or a lord of a high house. He looks stoically at the server behind the counter. His coat floats up as his arm pushes into it and pulls it on, preparing to leave. When the server looks away, he glances back at the table in the corner. Cal turns back, eyebrows drawn together, mouth looking pained. A few coins come out of his hand and fall in the tip jar. A bag is pushed across to him, his lunch to-go. I time it so that I walk through just as he turns to head out so I can clearly see his face.

He is appropriately disconcerted that his path is blocked, then his entire face lightens as he flushes. Blood rushes his cheekbones, he blushes into a pallor and a coy smile. Cal’s caught not knowing what to say, lips moving, tongue still. His eyes are so soft and kind and then concerned.

“Thought you might have gotten lost,” he lies.

“Nope. Just late.” I step forward.

For every two steps, he backs up one, leading me towards the table in the corner. He slips his jacket off and sets it on the chair, his back to the wall. I peel off my coat and drape it over the chair.

“I’ll just order, be right back.”

I order a sandwich, a cup of coffee, and an apple. Cal isn’t fast enough to look away when I glance over, but the fact that he tries confirms where his eyes were wondering. It’s nice to know he still appreciates me in that way. I hope we’re ready to consider something a little more. As weak as I am when it comes to him, I try to swear my self to a resolution: slow, steady, and not just for the sizzle.

“I over slept.”

“Ah, the troubles of the victors.” He teases, I think.

I don’t laugh, stuffing my mouth with a bite of food instead.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Not if you’re going to talk with your mouth full.”

The disgust on his face is real. That makes me laugh for real. I cover my mouth with my hand, somewhere between me and Mareena in my manners. He unwraps his sandwich.

“So?” I ask.

“So… how’s your family? Do they like Montfort?”

If he’s asked Farley then he should know, but it’s an easy enough topic to break the ice. He keeps me talking. He asks about everyone: mom, dad, Gisa, Bree, Tramie –no one is left out.

“And finally, Kilorn. What’s that fucker up to?”

There is no other way I would want someone to refer to Kilorn. For all he is, he is at his very heart a pain in the ass. An amazing, wonderfully loyal and insufferable friend. He has managed to endear himself not just to me and my family but to Farley, and Cameron, and even, apparently to Cal.

“Couldn’t keep him away from the water. He’s in the Nortan Navy. We get letters sometimes, mostly he’s bored. Sometimes he’s in trouble. But he’s always got a good group of people around him.”

“What ship?”

“The Cardinal.”

“I’ll keep tabs.” He holds my gaze and I know that even now, Cal will help keep Kilorn safe in what ever way he can, for me.

“Thanks.” I catch myself dry mouthed and tired lips. My coffee is cooling and my sandwich is only missing a few bites while his is all gone. I’ve talked so long. “What about you?”

“Well, you know. I’ve got fewer to look after, I guess it makes things dull.” He pushes quickly past the pain but I see it all the same. “I just keep my soldiers fit, ready, mind our posts.”

“You haven’t picked up a hobby?”

“I have, actually. I am becoming an expert at budgeting.” He smiles broadly, proud and cheerful in acknowledging his new position.

“Damn, did you have to cut back on the armor?” His eyes flick past me, again.

He’s been looking over my shoulder, at the door every few minutes. I turn and look. The door swings shut and a patron greets another at a table.

“You waiting for someone else?” I ask, turning back.

“No. I am here completely for you.” His eyes flick again and I hear the door shut again.

“Why you watching the door?”

“Nothing. Just a habit.”

He crushes the paper from his sandwich between his fists. I can still read him well and there’s shame in his posture. I glance behind me again, the suspicion that I’m sitting square in a trap flashes through me and the lightning comes to my fingertips.

“Easy, Mare.”

“You’re making me nervous. Why are you watching the door?”

“I’m… checking for assassins,” he barely mumbles. When the door opens again, I watch him fight his insticts then finally give in with a glance over my shoulder.

“Assassins? You’re not the King, Cal.”

“Yeah, well, some people forget. And the last time, I almost didn’t make it.”

Silence. Stillness. Processing is slow when someone you love is uncomfortable and embarrassed and admitting their weaknesses when they want you to think they’re strong. It made Kilorn shake under our house in the Stilts, and Maven dare me from his bathtub, and Cameron open up to me as we circled the Piedmont base. I want him to tell me more, trust me with what he finds shameful. So I wait and let him come to his words.

“The girl, the one the papers got a photo of me–”

“Kissing?”

“Yeah. She got me alone, um… and then she stabbed me.” Something about how his hands drop into his lap is defensive not casual, an indication of where. I wince with him. “I almost bled to death.”

“Who found you?” The idea that he had a couple suitors never crossed my mind before. But who else would come to find him in his bedroom?

“I didn’t let her get away without injury and she didn’t make it very far before the alarm was raised. Thank my colors, I had my bracelets on.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I sip my coffee and avoid looking directly at him. He’s ghostly pale he’s blushing from his collarbones to the tips of his ears. Some levity seems to be needed, I reach out and touch his hand. He looks up, shocked I’d touch him. “Most importantly, did they take care of that… um… curve?”

“Shut up. It is not curved.” he retracts, losing his breath in laughs.

“Well, I mean maybe not now. I wouldn’t blame you for taking advantage of the situation. I mean, making some improvements.”

“Surprised you didn’t say bigger.”

“Oh, honey, it’s not about the size. It’s how you use it.”

“And how was I at using it?” his knee brushes mine under the table and his lip pulls up goofy and flirting.

“You got better,” I begrudgingly admit after some contemplation.

“I’d happily remind you by how much.”

“I might just…” I stop myself. His lips slam shut. He straightens and clears his throat. I can’t finish what I’m saying.

“Sorry.” He looks at his watch and then back at the door. It’s time for him to return to sessions, discussions, strategies. “Time is up.”

“This was nice,” I admit. My hand is still on his on the table.

Warm fingers slide over mine until he’s gently massaging my palm. “I liked it.”

“Enough to say the past is forgiven?” I ask.

“You never needed forgiveness from me.”

“Didn’t I?” I hold his eyes steady, not letting him look away. For the first time since we sat down, I’m being completely serious. I need to know what might follow us forward.

“What for?” He asks.

“Just one question, one honest question. If you could go back and do it all over again, if you could just flip me that coin and walk away? And I never fall into that arena, would you go back?” I can’t bring myself to use the words, but I need to know if he will live his life regretting meeting me because, in the end, and actually at the beginning, I took his brother.

Cal pulls back, leans against the chair. “Julian says it’s the curse on the survivors to spend our time trying to remake our regrets.”

It’s a non-answer that might as well be a yes. I start to stand, tears prickling. Laughing with him, hearing him sigh, and joke reminds me of too many things I want to keep. But I don’t want to be a reminder of all that he lost. Why he lost everything.

“Mare, I have a lot of regrets. But you’re not one of them. Elara would have ruined him no matter the path. Maybe I could have had a few more years, or a few months, but she would have taken him in the end. Jon only knows, but I tend to think this might have been the best I could have hoped for, at least the way it happened, I didn’t go through it alone.”

“So, where does that leave us?”

He stands and pulls on his jacket. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “How about same time tomorrow?”

And the next day and the next. We have one week of sessions and meetings before he’s back on a plane to Norta. And it’s exactly the slow pace I need, that we need, to see exactly where we’ve grown and what we’ve left behind. Maybe at the end, we’ll find that we finally fit. Or maybe it answers the question differently, with less pain, fewer choices to rehash that never asking in the first place.

Reblogs appreciated.

#Anonymous #War Storm Spoilers #Red queen Fanfiction #marecal #my writing #fanfiction #mare barrow #cal calore #war storm #red queen

157 notes · View notes

echelonlab-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Interview with Hazeleyedleto

Your URL:

Hazeleyedleto: https://hazeleyedleto.tumblr.com

Echelon Fiction (fanfic account): https://echelonfiction.tumblr.com

Your name: Monique

Link to your Masterlist: https://echelonfiction.tumblr.com/mystores What was your first experience with 30 Seconds to Mars? The Kill, when I was an 18-year-old, how amazing was your first time seeing the Kill? Your Favorite Mars song? Attack Has anything ever happened to you solely because of being a 30STM fan? I met my best friend <3 What is your favorite thing about the fandom? Your least favorite? Fav: no matter what I know there is always going to be a place where I fit in, I’ve never had that before Least: The bitches who think they're better than other bitches, and the daddy kink Is there any advice you would give to someone who is new to the fandom? We’re obsessive, protective but not all that bad, the bad eggs are few and far between but they are loud, try to ignore them How long have you been writing? 18 years. Why did you start writing? (Either in general or for Mars specifically) When I was 12, I had so much stationary that I didn’t know what to do with so I started one story. . . then another then another. Still, have too much stationary but am a writer so its okay Do you write for other fandoms? If so, which ones? Depends, I Like writing the Linkin Park guys and Bucky Barnes, but whatever inspires me really Do you share everything you write? If not, is there a reason why? Hmm, no. I only really share mars stuff, my non- fanfic stuff will be turned in to novels and my non-mars related stuff I don’t really have a platform to do so on. Have you written things that aren't fanfic? If so, could you tell us about those works? Many, my writing is 50/50 fanfic vs Fiction. My latest novel that I finished a couple of weeks ago ended about 85k words is about angels and demons and a prophecy that will either unite or destroy them all Of all your works, which is your favorite and why? Iridescent – (mentioned in above question) because it’s the novel that took over my whole life and kept me hostage until I wrote it from beginning to end rendering me with Stockholm syndrome to the point that I still miss them Stand Tall, They’ll Break Your Heart – first novel I ever finished. and Bright Lights – I’ve never had such a positive response from anything I’ve ever written and get yelled at because I don’t update often enough Is there one that was particularly difficult to write? Why? They’re all difficult to write. I write very emotionally driven novels, they can be draining as I take on the characters at such a personal level that I live what they tell me in a way, I’m crazy, ignore me. What is the ideal writing environment for you? At your desk? Quiet? Music? Anywhere anytime, I usually write sitting on my bed, but can literally write anywhere in any environment. Prefer loud music and a comfy place for my butt What type of fanfic are you most comfortable writing (drama, fluff, angst, drabbles, series, etc.) Mushy series filled with drama What is your favorite fanfic trope? I don’t know what that is but I THINK my answer is dramatic chicks being involved with music or rock bands Is there any trope or subject that you won't write? Daddy kink? Are there any special tools that you use when creating or writing your story? My fingers!? My stories are often inspired by songs or video clips or something like that J Do you write your story in order or do you jump around and then string it together at the end? Sometimes, especially with fanfictions. Like with Bright Lights (my biggest Mars fanfic) I have four future versions, but the reason I do that is to better understand them in the ‘bright lights’ version. Do you outline, or do a great deal of prep work or do you 'fly by the seat of your pants'? Up until my novels Attack and Iridescent I ALWAYS prided myself about being a pantser, but I really enjoyed being a planner for those two novels. How do you usually get your inspiration? Music and Video clips, sometimes dreams and other places. Do you have ideas on the drawing board or in progress currently that you haven't shared yet? Yeah, Beautiful Disaster, my bff would kill me if I wrote it though, but I have another one in the holster I am thinking about starting April 1st If you have an unpublished work in progress, please pick two to three sentences and share them without context. “Armani,” Stephanie smiled, “I trust you are well?” Mike looked between the two Angels as the embraced in a slight hug and a kiss in the cheek. Stephanie stepping back between him and Chester. “Of course,” Armani smiled. “I’m betting this isn’t a social call?” the other angel asked. “No, Armani, this is Chester and Mike,” she said pointing to the demon who owned the names. “I’ve come to make a request,” Stephanie said looking to Armani from under her eyebrows, trying to gauge her reaction. Her face was poised, it always was, but the mood in the room changed, it was now tension filled. Armani was no fool, she knew this angel was standing before her with two demons. “You will need to-” “I am a direct crown descendant ” Stephanie said. “You are also standing her with two demons,” “And you are breaking the rules,” “yeah but” “If I was willing I could turn you into ash, right now,” Stephanie pointed out. “and I would be in the right,” she told. Armani held her gaze. “now, are you going to follow the rules and grant me my appearance for request, or am I going to have to take care of things another way?” Stephanie’s lips curl upward Armani’s lip curled downward as she turned slightly. Do you like requests? Would you like more or less of them? I haven’t had any, but would be happy to take them. Is there an upcoming project from you that you are excited about? Why, and what can you share about it? I can’t wait to edit and Publish Iridescent The best piece of writing advice you've ever received? Can never pick just one Put your butt in a chair and your hands on the keyboard and something will happiness. Writer's block is just an excuse, write anything even the crap, it can always be changed later And, Aim to write every day, even just for 15mins per day, get in that habit and you will find you self-finding 5 mins or 10 mins slots more often then you realise The worst piece of writing advice you've ever received? I don’t know. Wasn’t important, was it? What piece of advice would you give to someone just starting to write fanfic? Give it ago, see how if feels, you don’t have to share it, just try. Three (stories, series, scenes, etc) written by others that you really like or that inspire you? Closer – partcually Tomo in this story, even though the whole story is fucking amazing and Black Fuel and Bikes @fyeahproudglambert Provihitofics had a story about camping, it was great she doesn’t fic no more tho

Are any of your characters closer to being “you” than others? Any reason in particular? Hmmmmm, yes I guess. The characters are all like different parts of me, Phoebe is an angry psycho which is a part I never get to express often, but there are parts of her that are not like me. Same with Helena being independent to some extent.

One thing about me is I like to find things I have in common with people, if I look hard enough, it could become obsessive.

Are any of your characters based on someone you know? Hmm a lot of my male characters look like rock stars if that counts. Are any of your plots based on something that happened to you? No, but one day Favorite font for writing? Don’t have one Do you have a 'day job'? If so, what? I am a student studying Bachelor of Social Science (psychology) with hopes to get good enough scores to get into Psychology. I am Also an Author and a qualified Mental health peer worker. Do you consider yourself a reader outside of fanfic? Yup, Your favorite book? Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson Your favorite things to do when you're not writing? What does ‘not writing’ mean? . . . nah I like to watch Safari live, see my niece and nephew, explore the wild and hate on frogs The strangest thing you've ever eaten? My brothers used to make me eat grass stalks, oh oh CAVIAR I got told it wasn’t Caviar, it was freaking caviar Looks at @Fyeahproudglambert Two truths and a lie? I hate frogs, I’ve never met my best friend, I love the feel of fallen out hair Five albums you'd want if stranded on a desert island? Cant I just take my Spotify? I actually don’t think I can answer this? I don’t just listen to albums all the way through, . . . This is war (plus attack and the kill) LLFD Breakaway kelly Clarkson Hybrid theory A thousand suns Something surprising about you? I have a really good memory And I usually come off as pretentious and up myself, because I am highly critical of things and probably way too opinionated, but I am actually a really nice, loyal and caring person who just wants to do good and help as many people as I can Favorite food to enjoy while watching Netflix? Anything, maybe a packet of sea salt chippies. Favorite way to spend a Saturday night? Writing Blankets Tucked or Untucked? Right side untucked, left side tucked Do you have any pets? Would you like to tell us about them? Dog, Ella - She shares my birthday, Sasha – not my dog, my brother's dog but I grew up with her and am temporarily looking after her, Cats: Ollie, Angel, Sully. I got Ollie first (After my cat Joel died) and then my brother got Angel (she was being mistreated somewhere else) Ollie and Angel bonded n such a human love type way, and we decided they could not be separated, so I got Angel too, guess what though, 9 month old cats can have babies, Angel had three Kittens, Lucky, Sully and Heat, my brother kept heat, I kept sully and Lucky went to a loving home J Musicals, yes or no? If yes, what movie/show would you like to see made into a musical? No, thank you Tell us a joke. Mars fans who hate and bitch on everything the band does Are there any particular battles or struggles in your life you'd like to tell us about? Hmm, I mean I am an open book with the things I have been through, and am happy to talk about them at any time, there are many things from abuse, abandonment, isolation, major depression, self-harm, suicidal ideology, my brother was recently in a coma ,my mother’s cancer journey, my heart issues, social phobia, PTSD, horderism and crippling self-doubt and anxiety, to tell the short story. While some things still plague me, I find all of it also drives me to make my life better, and t do the best I can every day. Life struggles are hard, but they also enrich me to not only help people in my ‘day job’ but to help me write richer stories. Anything you'd like to add? You guys are doing a great job. When I started Echelon fiction, this is kinda what I wanted it to be but I never had the drive to pull it off, I love how innovative you guys are being and changing things up getting your followers involved, its really cool! Good job, keep going

#interviews #hazeleyedleto

3 notes · View notes

consulting-caffrey · 7 years ago

Text

Fanfiction Questions!

A great big thank you to @tohavealifetimeoffun for letting me use these! 1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Heartland. 2. What is your latest fandom? White Collar! 3. What is the best fandom you've ever been involved in? The best? That's tough. That's really tough. But in the end I have to go with White Collar. 4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? Nope. Not a single one. 5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for? Mainly White Collar because I only started posting just before getting into that fandom seriously. Before that, it was Avengers. 6. List your OTP from each fandom you've been involved in. Heartland: Ty/Amy Iron Man: Pepper/Tony Avengers: Tony/Steve Supernatural: Dean/Lisa (judge me all you want, destiel shippers) White Collar: Neal/Sarah but hell, its hard to choose between that and Neal/Peter because COME ON that show is practically throwing it at us! 7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you've been in. Hoboy... Heartland: Amy/Soraya Uncharted: Chloe/Nadene Iron Man: Pepper/Natasha Avengers: Clint/Laura (I'm sorry but I can't. I will die for Clintasha) White Collar: Neal/Jones (I've seen it, I respect it, I admire from a distance, but I can't. Same with Neal/Diana) 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? Well, it started when I stumbled upon it on Netflix and thought one of the guys on there looked cute (I'll let you guess which one) and so I started watching it only to get bored partway through and I went galavanting in the Avengers fandom for a few years before coming back like "Hey I never finished that". And here I've stayed ever since. Stuck. Thanks, Jeff Eastin. 9. What are the best things about your current fandom? Even though the show has ended, the White Collar fandom is still alive and active. Its like we all still stick together and keep track of what Matt Bomer is up to these days like "hey, The Last Tycoon! Also I just wrote another White Collar fic haha pry this show from my cold dead hands". 10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don't write in? Nah, I don't stray far from White Collar. 11. Who is your current OTP? Gotta be Neal/Peter at the moment. I just love their bromance though. I know those two are like THE ship but I usually prefer Neal/Sarah, which for some reason isn't very well liked, I hear??? 12. Who is your current OT3? Um, the only OT3 I've ever had. Peter/Neal/El 13. Any NoTPs? Neal/Jones, Neal/June (what?), and I don't wanna say its a definite no, because I miiiiight consider Neal/Mozzie. And I have written Neal/Diana but I don't particularly like it. 14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? Peter/Neal of course, Neal/Mozzie 15. Is there any obscure ship that you love? Well not really. Neal/Kate, but I wouldn't call it obscure. 16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? Ehhhh not really. 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favorite? Ty/Amy from Heartland and yes, I still love those two to bits. 18. What ship have you written the most about? Steve/Tony. Funny since I started out HATING those two together and it was EVERYWHERE all up in my face but then next thing I know I've got like fifty stories about them 19. Is there a ship you wish you could get behind but you just don't feel them? Neal/Mozzie. 20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Peter/Neal/El, like I said. I like it, I do. I've just never had an OT3 before and I think that's what threw me off a bit. 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? That would be a Heartland fic that took up an entire notebook. 22. Is there anything you regret writing? Eh... Sometimes. I regret writing things that I don't finish. 23. Name a fic you've written that you're especially fond of and explain why you like it. Neal Caffreys. Oh man I want to continue that little project forever. There are so many possibilities. 24. What fic so you desperately need to rewrite or edit? Ummmm probably Take Me Back To Normal. I need to offer more explanation and reason for my torture haha 25. What's your most popular fanfic? I haven't checked in a while but I believe it's Neal Caffreys. 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? Sometimes song lyrics or they just... come to me? 27. What do you hate more: coming up with titles or writing summaries? Summaries oh god... 28. If someone were to draw a piece of fan art for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? Oooooooo It would be for a story that I'm currently working on (actually a chapter for Neal Caffreys but I really want to make it a full story) where Neal is a horseman. The picture would be Neal standing next to his horse, and the horse would look all badass and everything AGH! Please somebody. Also hey I do have a piece of fan art for my story Tale Me Back To Normal done by @kanarek13 and I love it so much 29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? I do not. I am very good with English and writing so I can edit my own stuff. In fact, I prefer to. It just kinda feels lazy to pass a piece off to someone else to do that for me. 30. What inspires you to write? Well watching the show helps. Also reading fanfiction. 31. What's the nicest thing that someone has ever said about your writing? Oh gosh, that they go back and read it all the time so I should never take it down. That just made me so happy to hear. 32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band of music/genre does it for you? I cannot listen to music when I write. I like to have quiet so I can picture what I want better. If I have music on, I just end up drowning it out anyway. But music itself does inspire me sometimes. 33. Do you write one-shots, multi-chapter fics, or huuuge epics? Oneshots are what I try to stick to, but the multi-chapter thing is also okay. Huge epics? Lol not so much 34. What's the word count on your longest fic? Oh man I gotta go look this up... 35,038 ...Holy crap 35. Do you write drabble? If so, what do you write them about? Hmmm I think I've written maybe two drabble fics? I don't do them often because I like my h/c action torture awfulness. But I do like to get in Neal's head. 36. What's your favorite genre to write? Everybody whose read any of my stuff already knows it's hurt/comfort and angsty things. 37. First person or third person- What do you write in and why? Third person preferably. I just like to get a wider perspective, but with third person, you can also hone in on individuals and their thoughts. 38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? Both? Obviously my fics are always almost 99% canon characters but I do have OCs that I like to slip in there. I have OCs that I use for RPing but you can find Finnigan Roderas here and there as well as Victor "Vito" Odell in For Your Entertainment. They're a couple of mine. I am a proud parent to at least three more. 39. What is your greatest strength as a writer? The way I can put myself in a scene and imagine all the details, mostly emotions, that go with it. 40. What do you struggle with the most in your writing? Well like I mentioned, I tend to write stories around one small thing I want to get out, and once that thing is out and I've created a mess, I just go "...what now? I didn't think this far ahead..." 41. List and link to five fanfics you are currently reading. Oh man I usually only read one at a time... But I'll put that one down and then add four that I read before it. Enemies http://archiveofourown.org/works/2290154 You Look Like A Koala http://archiveofourown.org/works/2329949 Somehow, Sundown http://archiveofourown.org/works/6159619 Wrong Time, Wrong Place http://archiveofourown.org/works/2435216 Love Lift Me Up http://archiveofourown.org/works/2503781 42. List and link to five fanfiction authors that are amazing. Now this I can do. pooh_collector http://archiveofourown.org/users/pooh_collector/pseuds/pooh_collector Sholio http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sholio/pseuds/Sholio Huntress79 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress79/pseuds/Huntress79 Ashley5627 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley5627/pseuds/Ashley5627 NYWCgirl http://archiveofourown.org/users/NYWCgirl/pseuds/NYWCgirl 43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? Definitely @kanarek13 and @archivistsrock Also @hirunoka and all the anons who keep encouraging me to write and keep writing~ 44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? Mozzie/Gina 45. What is your all time favorite fanfic? A week ago, I wouldn't have been able to tell you, but then I found Out of the Wastes by Sholio and I can't tell you how much I love it. Seriously. Go check it out. 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? Mmmmm... I don't know that I'd recommend any of them, but I guess Neal Caffreys is my pride and joy. That one. 47. Archive of our Own, Dreamwidth, LiveJournal, Fanfiction.net, or Tumblr- Where do you prefer to post and why? AO3 for sure. I like the setup and everyone on there seems nice so far (barring one strange incident). I used to post on FF but eh... A couple people on there really pissed me off. I'll leave it at that. 48. Do you care if people comment/reboot your writing? Why/Why not? I'm not sure what that means. Comments on my writing in a separate post? Rebooting my story to make a better version themselves? Idk I've never really experienced either of those things, if that's what this means. I guess maybe I wouldn't mind. Not sure. 49. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? I got into writing it first because the idea came to me all on its own and I thought I was a genius. Then I believe my dear friend @tfwhancock was like "let me show you FF" and I was stuck there for months. 50. Rant or hush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! I LOVE THAT IT EXISTS OH MY GOD YES I love that I can use characters that I love and write them and make them do what I want and just AGHHGGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It's so fun and exciting and just reading what people come up with is the most amazing thing! When you have to stop reading and just appreciate a line or a phrase like "oh that's good" Mmmmm love me that feeling~ Tagging: anyone who wants to do this!

#ask post #fanfiction questions

8 notes · View notes

everlarkbirthdaydrabbles · 8 years ago

Note

Hello, everlarkbirthdaygoddesses! 😘 My birthday is April 1 (no foolin’!) ☺️ and I would love a gift to share with everyone in the fandom. If it were rated M/E, that would be purrrfect, but I'd be happy with anything. Thank you for sharing the love. xo

Happy Birthday, @katamount! The birthday ‘goddessess’ (your words not ours ;)) have decreed your special day a very worthy one, indeed. Thank you to @katnissdoesnotfollowback for the incredible part 2 of All’s Fair. You can find part one here.

“We’re graduating in a year, Gale. Going into different branches with different bases and little chance of being assigned together,” Katniss says.

Unless we’re married. Even then, we’d maybe get one or two assignments together if we’re lucky, and there’s not even a guarantee of that.

But I can’t say any of that to her, because this is the first time she's even mentioned what happens after, and while my battered heart lurches at the knowledge that she's actually thinking about us in the long term...if she’s already thinking of dumping my ass over this, then mentioning marriage now would just be the nail in my coffin.

R.I.P. Gale Hawthorne. He opened his mouth too wide and choked on wanting too much.

“We can find a way to make it work,” I hear myself say, and the words sound useless even to me. A hundred million pleas sit on the tip of my tongue, all the things that won’t mean a damn without her, all the ways I want to fight for us, but I can’t stop my brain from jumbling them all together and she doesn’t need me to be a pathetic mess right now so I choke them back.

“Gale,” she says and it already sounds like ‘good-bye.’

I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists, feeling the bite of the plastic cuffs into my wrists and hoping the physical pain will keep me grounded through the pain of her leaving.

“Just...do it fast, okay?” I whisper, hoping it'll be like ripping off a band aid and knowing it won't. “You don’t even have to say anything. Just...go.”

“That’s the problem,” she whispers back. “I can’t. It’s always been you, Gale.”

LOL! How many of you vomited? Don’t lie! We just couldn’t resist since this day only comes around once a year. @katamount you are a fan to all and a fabulous person in this fandom. We wish you the best birthday EVER! Your REAL story is below the cut. *hugs*

All’s Fair

WARNINGS: RATED E for mild language, immature pranks, and smut. Everlark college/military cadets AU. ;-)

*************************

I’ve been on edge almost all day. Waiting for her to pounce.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been awake for twenty-two hours and only got about three hours of sleep before that. I’m just so tired and every corner I’ve turned today has been a moment of anxiety, waiting for gray eyes flashing in anger.

I jump when a stray cat darts out from the bushes next to my apartment building and then order my pulse to slow down. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I haven’t seen her or talked to her since she left me tied up and hard as fuck for her, the taste of her still lingering on my tongue. By the time Mason was done cutting my bonds and giving me shit, Katniss and her squad had already left, probably to report back on their pseudo-success. I was left to trudge through my day, waiting, wondering what she was thinking and feeling.

At first, I wasn’t worried. I’d thought we were flirting, pushing each other to see just how far we’d go to get what we wanted. I expected her to stop us at every turn, but she didn't, and those thirty minutes or so that we’d spent in my office had felt so...exhilarating, sexy. Even if we’d caught her squad, they still managed to complete their prank. And she’d easily gotten the upper hand on me, even when I knew what she was up to.

When my text messages to her went unanswered, though, I slowly came to realize how wrong I was. During my last class of the day, I began to accept that I had really fucked it up and started working on a suitable apology. It didn’t help that Finnick kept ribbing me all through our shared classes, despite my insistence to him that Katniss and I aren't more than friends.

She wanted to keep things low key. Just for us, but we've ruined that in spectacular fashion. I've ruined it. I didn’t meant to. Now, everyone seems to think they know, or always knew, what Katniss and I are to each other. I thought I knew, but I’m not so sure after what happened this morning.

Around dinner time, I stopped by all her usual places, since she hadn’t answered my calls either. But to no avail. I couldn’t apologize to her if she wouldn’t even see me. So I changed into jeans and a t-shirt, something more comfortable than my uniform, and hid myself in the library to work on my psyc paper. I really wasn’t lying to her about that, and I still have every intention of finishing it early, even if I spend my weekend groveling to her instead of taking her out to the lake for a relaxing weekend away from campus like I’d originally planned.

Now, it’s close to midnight, and still no word from her, although my paper is drafted at least. I’m not looking forward to a night spent alone. Even though she still doesn’t want to advertise our relationship, I’ve gotten used to sleeping beside her every night. Holding her in the dark. Because I’m beyond a goner for Katniss, and I'm not sure I can survive losing her.

“Fuck,” I mutter as I smack my forehead into my apartment’s front door frame. I didn’t think she’d take it this hard. But the longer the silence has stretched between us today, the more I’m convinced that I’ve finally messed up enough to lose her.

I let my arm go limp, keys dangling from my fingertips as I torture myself with the memory of her legs wrapped around my head, so tight that I could feel every spasm as she came on my tongue, but also so tight that I couldn’t hear a thing. I knew she did that on purpose, but it didn’t stop me from being turned on by it. By the thrill of playing that game with her. Of getting her to shatter when she knew she shouldn’t and was trying so hard not to. I wouldn’t be surprised if she hates me now.

Standing out here won’t fix anything, though, so I force myself to unlock my door and enter my pitch dark apartment. I flip the light switch and curse when nothing happens. Just one more thing to add to my list of why this day fucking sucks. I lock my front door and drop my book bag, pull my phone from my pocket to use the flashlight on it.

The light in the kitchen is blown, too, and I stand perfectly still, waiting for a sound or a noise. Pushing down the hope in my chest that this is her vengeance. An attack in my apartment in the dark? I can deal with that. It means I’ve got a chance to talk to her before she decides to publicly skewer me.

A creak in the bedroom draws me in there and I sweep the space with the flashlight to provide more illumination than what the street lamp outside provides. The lights in my bedroom don’t work either. Damn, she’s not playing around tonight. Only, there’s nothing. Katniss isn’t in here. I can feel my shoulders sagging with the realization.

I’ve just decided that she must have removed all my bulbs as the opening move of her retaliation and that I’m alone, turning to return to the kitchen and see if I’ve got any extra bulbs under the sink, when my bedroom door slams shut and I jump back, dropping my phone as she stalks towards me, still dressed in her camo pants and black shirt that make her almost one with the shadows.

“You,” she says, jabbing a finger in my chest. I hold my hands up in surrender and back away from her.

“Katniss, I--”

“Shut up. You don’t talk unless I ask a question,” she snarls and I guess I deserve it, so I clamp my mouth shut. My feet tangle in something on the floor and I go down hard, wincing at the blow to my pride and my backside as Katniss bends over me. I am so focused on the pain in my tailbone and trying to figure out what it is that I tripped over that my mind doesn’t register her moving my arms until the distinct zip-click noise fills my bedroom.

I look up at her in astonishment and try to tug my arms down from over my head. No give. She’s chained me to the leg of my own bed.

“Are you kidding me right now?” I say as she stands up with a smirk and crosses her arms over her chest. That’s twice in one damn day.

“Do I need to put tape over that pretty mouth, too?” she asks, and while part of me wakes right the fuck up at that idea, there’s just enough bite in her voice to tell me she doesn’t mean it as some kind of pleasant game.

“You think my mouth is pretty?” I stupidly ask instead.

“Shut it, Mellark.” I snap my mouth closed again and press my lips together.

“You caused me a lot of trouble today, you know that?” I nod and try to look contrite. Her scowl deepens and she sets one booted foot on my chest but doesn’t push down on me. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I didn’t know for sure it’d be your squad,” I blurt out and she lifts an eyebrow at me, telling me that she’s not convinced. “Look, there’s always at least one prank you guys pull on us around this time of year and Finnick and I have been trying to figure out how to prevent it or get you back for it this time. Then you started acting all weird and jumpy around me this week. I figured you might at least know what the plan was, even if you weren’t involved. When you told me you had a drill from two to four in the morning, I took a gamble that that must be it.”

“You could’ve asked me, rather than playing games, Peeta,” she says.

“Would you have told me?” I ask and can’t help the grin that lifts my lips, because I already know the answer.

“That’s beside the point!” she insists and presses her boot down on my sternum, although not enough to hurt.

“You’re right. I still would’ve figured it out. You’re not a very good liar, Katniss,” I say and enjoy the flush that blooms across her cheeks and the challenge that blazes to life in her eyes.

“And yet, you’re the one who keeps getting tied up,” she says and I flounder for a response. She preens a little when she realizes I don’t have much.

“Just a second, let me think,” I say and tug on the cuffs. How do I tell her that she keeps getting the best of me because I don’t guard myself against her?

“Something wrong, Peeta?” she coos and my pulse trips at her sensual tone. “Cat got your tongue?”

“I wish,” I say with a smile and her smirk falters. “So am I forgiven?”

“I was embarrassed today, Peeta” she says, her voice breaking a little and I hate myself enough in that moment for the both of us. “We had to report a failure and now I have to pick, plan, organize, and lead another raid.”

“It’s not required for graduation,” I remind her. “They can’t make you do that.”

“No, but it’s a tradition, Peeta. I lost a lot of respect today because of this.” She drops her boot to the floor and to my astonishment, she lays down on top of me, curls up on my chest, gripping my shirt in her hands and sniffling slightly.

“Hey,” I try to soothe her, difficult with my hands restrained, but I manage a kiss on the top of her head. I don’t know how to fix this mess, how to balance our loyalties to each other and to our respective corps. “Will it help if you take pictures of this? I mean, getting the jump on the Vice Wing Commander twice in one day’s gotta count for something, right? Maybe draw an army star on my face before you do it. In permanent marker.”

Her shoulders shake a little, but she doesn’t move to document my captivity. I lick my lips and swallow the pain balling up in my throat. Eventually, Katniss sets her chin on my chest and looks up at me, her gaze softer this time.

“They lectured me on breaches in security. Like the fact that I can't lie to my boyfriend means that I’d spill national secrets to a spy or something,” she murmurs.

“That’s a bit of an overreaction,” I say and she sighs.

“Yeah, but it’s the way they think. To them, I’m now just a silly school girl with a crush.”

I feel her words like a stab in the heart. We’re supposed to be on the same side, but these ridiculous inter-service rivalries make me a threat to her. To her success. And I hate myself for proving them and their backwards ideas true.

“Katniss, I’m so sorry,” I whisper. She looks down at my chest and traces her short nails over the writing on my shirt.

“At first, I thought they knew about us and maybe rigged the drawing as punishment,” she says and I swallow heavily. “But now it’s so much worse. My whole squad is paying the price. Gale won’t even speak to me.”

And I thought I couldn’t hate myself any more. I’ve managed to embarrass her and destroy her relationship with her squad and her best friend. Okay, maybe there’s a tiny part of me that’s not as upset about that last one as I should be. The piece of me that’s always been a little jealous that she’s so open about her friendship with Gale when she’s oblivious to how he looks at her. Like they’re inevitable and he doesn't even have to try. But she won’t so much as hold my hand in public. Not even when we’re both out of uniform.

“He’ll forgive you, especially if your next raid is a success. He cares about you too much,” I try to soothe. She looks completely unconvinced, and I know I have to give her the out she needs. As much as it will pain me to do it.

“Maybe we should, I don’t know... If you want t-to take a break...or e-end th-things,” my voice is shaking pathetically and the words nearly choke the life from me, but I shove them out anyways, “I’ll understand.”

And all I can do is chant in my head.

Please say that’s not what you want. Please say THAT’S not what you want. Please say that’s NOT what you want. PLEASE say that’s not what you want.

“It’d be easier,” she says and my heart breaks right then and there. The pain of her words blinding me to everything else. Even though I considered the possibility several times throughout the day, I never allowed myself to do more than think it in passing and then shove it away before it could destroy me.

“We’re graduating in a year, Peeta. Going into different branches with different bases and little chance of being assigned together.”

Unless we’re married. Even then, we’d maybe get one or two assignments together if we’re lucky, and there’s not even a guarantee of that.

R.I.P. Peeta Mellark. He opened his mouth too wide and choked on wanting too much.

“Peeta,” she says and it already sounds like ‘good-bye.’

I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists, feeling the bite of the plastic cuffs into my wrists and hoping the physical pain will keep me grounded through the pain of her leaving.

“Just...do it fast, okay?” I whisper, hoping it'll be like ripping off a band aid and knowing it won't. “You don’t even have to say anything. Just...go.”

“That’s the problem,” she whispers back. “I can’t.”

My brain barely has time to register her words before her lips crash into mine and my eyes fly back open to watch her kiss me. She’s kissing me?!

I’m confused. But her eyes are closed and her fists are pulling on my shirt and her lips move over mine with firm determination. I try to talk, to ask what she meant, but her tongue takes my open mouth as an invite. I give up on talking as light sparks inside me, warming as it spreads from my chest outward. And I kiss her back, as best I can without touching her.

She moans in my mouth and shifts her body so she’s cradling my jaw in her hands and rocking her hips over mine, her knees pressing into my sides so her legs almost embrace me. My mind goes all hazy when she grinds her hips down, pressing my zipper onto my cock. I’m already half hard and if she keeps this up, I’ll be desperate in about two seconds flat.

I yank my arms down in an attempt to break the thick plastic ties binding me, but nothing gives. All I manage to do is drag my bed across the floor and hurt my wrists. Katniss sits up and smiles down at me, her hands slowly skimming down my chest then back up, over my shoulders and up the length of my arms towards the cuffs as she lowers herself back over me.

“Do you want something?” she asks in a sing song voice that tells me I won’t be getting what I want.

“Can we take these off now?” I ask anyways and tug on the cuffs again. She stretches out over me, her hands caressing over my skin, just below the cuffs, but just when I think she’s going to free me and let me touch her, she pulls back slightly and shakes her head. A desperate whine escapes my throat as I squirm beneath her, my hands flexing with the need to feel her.

“Who can’t lie, Peeta?” she asks, and fuck me if I don’t get harder at her taunt. I groan as she bites my earlobe and pushes down into me with her hips. Again and again. “I'm still upset with you.”

Her motions and her whispers in my ear feel so damn good, they distract me from trying to get free. Instead, I brace my feet on the floor and thrust up into her. It’s her turn to gasp and I bite back a smile as her nails dig into my forearms. My jeans are too tight, tighter with each press of our bodies together and the resulting burst of pleasure that burns through me.

Without warning, she stops and I whimper, fucking whimper like a dog denied a biscuit. But she moves down my body and her hands yank violently at my belt, the button and zipper on my jeans. She grabs fistfuls of denim and pulls, taking my shorts too. I lift my hips to help, sighing in relief when my dick is free of the restriction, but she’s moving so fast that I lose my footing and fall back to the floor with my jeans and my shorts halfway down my legs.

She growls in frustration and moves again, tugging my shoes off before throwing them across the room and then tearing my clothes the rest of the way off. She moves around the bed and I listen to her pull the nightstand drawer open. She doesn’t bother closing it, but returns with the short strip of condoms I have left, dropping them on the floor next to me and standing over me, one foot on either side of my hips.

“Don’t I get a cuddle or something first?” I tease and she scowls at me. But I think maybe I understand now. She's had a rough day, faced failure and ridicule, and now she wants to feel like she can control SOMETHING, even if that something is us.

Katniss whips her shirt and sports bra off over her head and drops them to the floor before placing one booted foot on my chest. My palms ache for the weight of her breasts, my thumbs for the pebbled nipples already taut with desire.

“Unlace me, Mellark,” she orders.

“Can’t,” I remind her, jerking my wrists to prove it to her. Undeterred, she moves to set her boot next to my bound hands.

“Unlace me,” she repeats. Somehow, I manage to shift my wrists up the leg I’m attached to and blindly unlace first one boot and then the other. She sits on the corner of the bed, legs splayed on either side of me to finish removing them herself. They drop to the floor with resounding thuds. When she stands, she turns to face the bed and shoves her pants down her legs. I groan in agony at the view of her black boy shorts right above me and the damp patch between her legs. I am dizzy with the need to touch her and taste her, and I try once more to break free as she looks down at me with a sly smile.

“Katniss, please,” I beg. She tucks her thumbs into the waist of her panties and shimmies, slowly lowering them until they land on my face. She steps out of them and kicks them aside. I blink as she sits on my mouth.

“Fuck,” I say, but the word is garbled.

“What was that, Peeta?” she asks coyly, my name a squeak as I tilt my chin and suck on her lips. I fucking love eating her out. All the breathy little sounds she makes, the way she swivels her hips to get my tongue right where she wants it. Her taste like nectar, her scent a perfume. I could do this all day and die happy.

This is the first time she’s sat on my face and my hands are tied...literally. So I can’t guide her hips and she bumps into my nose and drops too low once or twice. She’s still enjoying it, though. Panting my name here and there in a beautiful song. Her legs shaking. Before I can get her close, she tears herself away from me.

I’m recovering from the sudden change and hardly notice her rip open a condom until her hand grips me and I buck into her touch. Before I can ask her to slow down a little, she’s got it on me and she’s lowering herself onto my cock.

“Oh fuck, Katniss!” I say as my spine bends and my head drags on the floor, my wrists aching as I strain against the cuffs and my cock throbs eagerly inside her wet heat. I don’t even try to control the sounds I make when her hands push my shirt up enough for her nails to burrow in my skin, hands clenched on my abs as she rolls her hips over me. But I want to watch and force myself to at least lay flat again so I can see her.

Eyes closed, braid swaying over her chest with her movements, arms straight and strong, holding me to the floor, mouth parted, tongue and teeth glistening, cheeks flushed. Radiant. Powerful, if a little vulnerable. Gorgeous.

As she speeds up, I once more bend my knees and brace my feet on the floor to rock myself up into her. Her hands move up to my chest as she groans my name and her walls squeeze once. I bite my lip, concentrating on keeping the pace as her eyes flutter open and her gaze locks with mine. Fire tickles down my spine and I try to stave it off by talking.

“Katniss, fucking take it from me. You know you want it. Your pussy wants it so fucking bad. You can’t lie to me. I can feel it. Feel you squeezing me. Right there?”

She keens wordlessly at the slight shift in angle, and the sounds alone are enough to get me right to the edge. Her hips thrash and I bite my lip hard as she comes all around me, her walls clenching and her juices coating me. She remains rigid above me as she rides it to the end and then her elbows buckle and I grunt as her weight lands squarely on my chest.

Her fingers trace over my shirt and her hot breath paints over my neck, tickling and arousing me further. With a deep sigh, she slides her hands up my arms and fiddles with something. There’s a slight release of pressure and she holds up a carabiner for me to see before tossing it aside. My wrists are still bound, but I’m no longer attached to the bed.

I bring my arms down to trap her to me and shove one foot against the floor to flip us over. Katniss gasps, wrapping her arms and legs around me, clinging to me as I twist my hands enough to get my palms flat on the floor. It’s fucking uncomfortable with her weight pressing down on my wrists and the cuffs, and my arms bent at this angle, but the pain is not as bad as the desire to plunge into her until I come.

She smiles and tilts her head back as I try to move, exposing her throat to me. I lick up the column of smooth skin, tasting the salt of her sweat and the musk that’s all Katniss. When I reach her chin, she rolls her head up and holds my face close to hers, so our noses and foreheads brush and her breaths float warm and inviting over my lips while we stare at one another. Then her heels dig into my ass, and I lose it. I buck like a fucking madman and can’t seem to stop. It’s fast and harsh and all too soon the fire races back through me, leaving my skull buzzing and my body flaming as I shout and slam into her before my body is seized in release, going rigid and still as it rocks through me. The cuffs finally snap as I stop coming and my arms give out.

I barely manage to catch myself before I crush her, my face pressed into the floor as I gasp and blink and try to figure out which way is up. It’s her fingers, tenderly caressing my neck and shoulders that guide me back to reality. Her legs still wrapped around me tightly, holding us together.

When I can breathe normally again, I gather her in my arms and move us onto the bed, discarding the condom and the broken cuffs, and removing my shirt before I join her beneath the covers.

“I still can't believe you went down on me with my whole squad down the hallway.”

I laugh and wrap my arms around her, relieved when she curls into me the way she always does.

“May I remind you that you kissed me, and you're the one who went for my belt first?”

“You may not.”

“I would've stopped if you'd told me to,” I whisper. “I still can't believe you let me go that far with your whole squad down the hallway.”

I grin and trail my fingers over her hair. She yawns and presses a handful of soft kisses to my chest, sending up a wave of fluttering from my middle. When I turn to kiss her cheek, though, she stiffens in my embrace.

“The navy,” she whispers.

“What are you talking about?” I ask and manage to lift my head to look down at her. She’s wide eyed and flushed, her gaze is excited and eager.

“That’s my target. The Navy midshipmen,” she explains. Then she bites her lip and lifts an eyebrow. “Since you kind of owe me, Zoomie, you think you might be willing to spare a few cadets to help out and earn some bragging rights?”

“I might be able to help. We've always talked about turning that gigantic, tacky as fuck brass anchor in their entry way into a clothes line. Put a sign on it that says ‘Salute Your Shorts,’” I tell her and she wriggles with glee.

“I knew there was a reason I put up with you,” she teases and I laugh, just happy that she’s not angry and leaving.

“Anytime you need to loosen an idea from your mind, I’m more than willing to put my body at your service. And I’d like to remind you that we in the Air Force pride ourselves on Service Before Self,” I tease right back and nibble on her neck until she’s squealing in laughter and clawing at my shoulders. I fling the sheets up in the air and crawl beneath them. “It's a dangerous task, but I am completely willing to sacrifice myself to get it done right.”

Her laughter stops when I settle in the cradle of her legs and tilt her hips to taste her again. There will be other obstacles to face in the future. The most glaring one is what we’ll do after graduation. But for now, I just want to focus on helping her regain that respect I cost her. To spend every possible minute with her that she’ll allow me.

160 notes · View notes