#i used to only allow myself to eat if ive finished/posted a drawing

[unlocktxt]

hi 😄 i saw your reblog and i want to ask the same thing: what was your first impression of your moots?

First i want to say that I may of gotten a littleeeee carried away. I wanted to include as many people as possible, but some I don’t have enough to say. Despite this I might add more. I’ve met so many various people on this app and I’ve loved interacting with them all or just seeing them around. So much so that I can’t list everybody. I really love all my moots and there are so many of them that I’ll forever be grateful for. (yes i added a keep reading because this was so long and please excuse my gramtical errors)

@hoes4hoseok - our first impression was playing among us WHICH WAS SO FUN. I don’t remember much about talking to her in the game BUT I do remember that she was the first one to ever make the group chat filled with those who played with us. honestly I’m so grateful that she did that because I wouldn’t have been able to become friends with her and many others. I remember thinking that she was beyond kind and that she was good with trying to include everyone. After that I just remember hearing her voice and then DYING because she has a wonderful voice. I felt as though I related to you just a bit. Now I’ve gotten to see different aspects of her and really value her as a person and friend. She keeps things real and is so helpful. Sometimes I wish I could see what goes on inside her head because sometimes I think she reserves herself or overthinks and I’d like to give her a big hug.

@binniebutter - amie... oh amie 🙄 just kidding ���� amie well... I also met her while playing among us in that same group. we played a lot with each other and I find that nice BECAUSE I CANT REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DURING THE FIRST TIME WE PLAYED. I think I do remember laughing about her and gen tho. In our first gc I remember thinking that she had a bright personality and could keep the conversation going. I also find out we live about an hour away so I was able to connect with her about that (I also was so excited just because IVE NEVER MET AN ONLINE FRIEND IN THE SAME STATE) After that we played among us a lot together and I just remember thinking amie was EVIL. She was funny though and I felt comfortable around her. Now... I honestly think I’m pretty close to amie emotionally. It’s very rare that I put down my guard and talk to someone about certain things (I don’t really think I’ve talked to her about certain things tho) I still feel as though I can talk to her or that I can cry or rant to her without feeling judged. I don’t know how much she’s come to me about, but anytime I try to comfort her i feel like I get to know her better. I usually don’t start joking with my friends and being “rude” to them unless I know that they know I love them, which is why I’m starting to show amie sarcasm at times ☺️ I may of written too much 😅

@hyukaite I ACTUALLY REMEMBER MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF KAT. oml we’d send asks every now and then and I remember thinking she was a crack head. From the videos I’d see her post to that one drawing. Man if only I could go all the way back to it, but it was monthssss ago. I also remember relating to her about having to help our sisters with math 💀. I wanted to be her friend after seeing her interact with some of my other moots, but I was too shy to actually message her so I stuck with sending in asks every now and then 😂 then we started playing among us together. I remember thinking “NOOOO SHE STOLE YELLOW” which led to me falling in love with the dark green among us color JFKAJFLW. After that I remember getting betrayed by her in the game SO MANY TIMES. she killed me during the Simon says task... to tell you what grudge I hold... I still remember it. ITS SUCH A HARD TASK AND SHE DIDNT LET ME FINISH IT. She also killed me in electrical when I thought she was INNOCENT. Now... kat I don’t even know how to describe her. She has many aspects to her that I love. She also is able to help me think straight whenever I let my anger get to me.

@yawnjunie - I thought she was shy at first because when I first met her she didn’t talk much, so I felt bad because I thought she didn’t feel all that welcomed by us (no specific reason we were just introduced to blu so abruptly 😂) After that I think I was intimidated by her at first JFJAKFJERI. We also compared our schools and our grade mindset which I think really opened my eyes a little bit more. I still believe she’s really smart Zknfaltn. She makes me laugh though and she also started the network moacabinet. She’s really sweet with so many ideas, but I feel bad because sometimes I think she gets stressed easily. She’s not on much, but everytime she’s online I’m blessed with her presence.

@kkuming - gigiiiii! my first impression of gigi was fairly simple. We met on the au group chat and she seemed really sweet. I wanted to try and give gigi a warm welcome and make sure she felt comfortable. I wish I remembered more about our first meeting. I DO HOWEVER remember thinking she was v v innocent. I sat back and watched gigi get thrown into the group and laughed my ass off at how she interacted with kat. I was worried that because the others were already so comfortable with her and joking around about things that she may actually think that the “divorce” or whatever it was that kat and her had would make her upset, so I wanted to remind her that I appreciated her Zofnakfjeof. She also was taking a lot of stressful classes so I could only hope this girl didn’t die underneath all that stress. Now I- she’s crazy guys. Just kidding 😂 she’s still really sweet and jokes around with all of us. I’m glad she’s online a lot more now. she’s also really funny.

@lipbeom - I’m like 99.9% sure rynn was the first person I ever really talked to on tumblr. I thought she was a really good writer and saw that she was a senior as well, so I was glad that I wasn’t the only one on tumblr that was going to suffer through the last year of school. I was so glad when she messaged me first like Y’ALL HAVE NO IDEA. When I first met her I remember thinking she was really sweet AND BEYOND SMART. I’m really grateful for rynn and I actually miss her a lot because I feel like I don’t interact with her as much as I should. She was very supportive and still is. It’s only been a few months since I first talked with her but I’m reminiscing 😂 She also got me hooked on selling sunset WHICH WAS AMAZING but I was talking like the girls on the show for WEEKSSSSSSS.

@bbhyeoliskooks - I don’t really remember how I came across her, but I realized she was a new moa writer and wanted to check her out. My first impression... hmmm I guess you could say that I believed she was very grateful even when she didn’t have to be. Sometimes she makes me feel old 💀 but she’s reminds me a little bit of my sister... just way sweeter. She’s very loyal and anytime you tell her you’ve posted something oml she’s wonderful. She’s the type of person who is really supportive and I appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like I don’t give her enough of ittttt. I really need to go stalk her blog now as for some reason I don’t see her notifs half the time. I’m really proud of her and think she’s one of the sweetest people on tumblr NOT TO MENTION SHE SINGS BEAUTIFULLY.

@txthearteu - oml cj 😂 she is also one of the first people I talked to on tumblr. I don’t really remember our first impression tho :/. I DO REMEMBER I READ ONE OF HER STORIES THO and i sent an ask about it because she deserved the recognition for it. Hmmm at first I believe I was intimidated because she is older than me 😂 however she was so extremely sweet and I loved talking to her. I tried talking about various different things with her because I wanted our conversation to continue hehe. She stays feeding me 😌 and even if I can’t physically eat del taco I get full off of the love and support cj gives me. My eyes light up when I see her in my notifs. I think she deserves the world and I always want to be there for her. I don’t think I can ever repay her for the love she’s given me.

@sung4oon - SAM I SWEAR IF YOU CHANGE UR URL BEFORE I HAVE A CHANCE TO POST THIS! I met her when her url was... 👁👄👁 lixxie sumtin. I think it was lixieebear. I truly don’t remember her first impression 💀 the only thing I remember was thinking that she was also a crack head. She was really funny and sweet and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE BRAINCELL THING. I should’ve given her my brain cells for christmas. I still think she’s really fun to talk to and I literally try to remind myself as much as possible that I need to go stop by and send an ask every now and then. Even so she still says hi to me ☺️

@beomiebear5 - R A I N A. hehehehehehe I actually love this first impression for me. At the time I saw her anon asks to rynn. I saw that she was going to start posting stuff on her blog soon and she gave a hint about how to find her. Ofc I let rynn do that herself BUT I went searching KFJSIFIWFKW I couldn’t help it I saw it as a challenge. My first impression was rlly just that she was sweet. Then after a while KFJAOFJWOF I really love interacting with her and seeing her rants. Gosh she’s so funny and ✨inspires✨ me. I’m always down to talk to her because she’s amazing and sweet.

@magicisland9-34 - lillie ☺️ I honestly don’t remember our first impression? I do however remember when she first sent an ask! I would always get so excited when I got an ask from her 😂 I loved talking to her and she let me ramble on and on. Whether that be about gymnastics or ballet. Once again even lillie is sweet, but she’s betrayed me for siding with amie about Christmas 😤. She’s also one of the people that I try to remind myself to go and visit their blog and see what they’ve posted.

@spookybias - if I remember correctly gen was the first one who reblogged my about me post, which ended up allowing others on this app to see that I was a new writing blog. She was also one of the first people I followed and one of the first who followed me, so I was really grateful and thought she was beyond helpful and nice. I also really believe she’s a great writer and i admired how she would tell things how they are. She’s always been sweet to me even if she’s threatened to shoot me a while back 😤. OH YEAH we also played among us together in that group as well and I always suspected her at one point. IT WAS BECAUSE THE ONE TIME I TRUSTED HER SHE KILLED ME.

@bffsoobin - My first impression of Sara was pretty simple like I found her blog and fell in love. she writes so well and I’ve loved everything I’ve read from her. I thought she was really pretty and pretty funny too. When she’d talk about some of her stories revolving school it honestly made my day as well. I admire her especially because she’s such a good writer and LET ME TELL YOU when she followed me back I think I did a little cheer. I was reading her fics before I even started writing on tumblr.

@soobcxre - I saw Sara around because we had a lot of moots in common and when I saw them interact I would just think about how I wanted to befriend her 😂. When she texted me I got so excited, but I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN SCHOOL TOO. She’s also really sweet ajfjwkfjw and I’m glad to have met her.

@lovesickchoi - MADDIE 🤩 I.... I don’t remember my first impression of her 🥲. It may of revolved around asks? I think I ended up trying to get to know her more at the time I was trying to get to know yoonie. I say this because I remember always seeming to get their urls mixed up... I think it’s because the h at the beginning. I LITERALLY DONT REMEMBER HOW WE STARTED INTERACTING. She’s also an amazing writer tho! Now I still think she’s sweet and we’ve talked about yeonbin together 😂.

@sunoo-luvs - 🥺 zaara JFJAJRKSKF literally my first impression was “cute.” That still stands btw. She’s absolutely the sweetest and is really considerate of others IM SCARED BECAUSE SHE MAY APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THERES NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR. Even so she can easily add happiness to people’s day with just a hi and a hug.

@i2gyu - I- first impression: scary. IM KIDDING wait... actually even though that was a joke because she used to stop by and say “boo” I MAY OF ACTUALLY FELT INTIMIDATED BY HER AT FIRST. I think one of the first times we interacted was about a network and at the time I was ready to join a network SO I FELT SO BAD FOR SAYING NO. Afterwards tho I realized how nice she was and I always end up getting a little energetic once I see she’s sent in an ask. One day I’m scared I won’t see her change her url or blog, but that’s if she does again.

@fairycore-gyu - I haven’t interacted with anyone new recently and when I saw kira that obviously changed 😂. I related to her with music taste and stuff. LET ME TELL YOU when someone seems to have the same music taste I JUST my eyes light up. She was really welcoming and I instantly felt like I could message her anytime. I also just realized she’s a pisces 🥺.

@yoonjunie - I just remember thinking ooooo new moa writer! I think anyone who comes across her can say she’s very welcoming and sweet + she deserves everything she has. I really just wanted to support her 😂 I need to interact with her more and read more from her blog.

@hyeyoonwrites - yoonie 🥺 AHHHH okay 😂 first impression: LITERALLY THE SWEETEST. I know I’ve said that so many people here are sweet but yoonie is a different kind of sweet. I don’t know every single time I’ve interacted with her has felt like a soft hug. She’s supported me a lot and I really need to check up on her more frequently I feel guilty about it aifoshf.

@txtextme - gon I- even though we haven’t talked much she’s extremely funny and relatable. she just has this vibe that I love about her. I know I don’t have much to say, but I had to add her because she’s left an impact.

@yeonbins - VIVI HAS WONDERFUL GIFS. Every now and then I’ll see her post some stuff just talking and akfjskf. I mainly remember (I think) Starbucks getting her name wrong. Her names so pretty tho. I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH OLDER SHE WAS THAN ME. I also played among us with her for a lil... I was scared she was gonna murder me 😂.

[discordant-daydreams]

valkyrie rosin: enter

i had done this for school about one of my ocs i have been trying to develop since 2013 but turns out i didn’t need to. I’m posting it here so it was worth it also because i am proud of it! please enjoy! 

I had been napping. It was a hot summer day, well it was spring but it felt more like summer, and I had nothing better to do. Napping was always interesting. Whenever i napped i had dreams, No not dreams, nightmares. They were always the same thing, my village was being destroyed. I always wake up panicking and honestly who wouldn't. I've talked to others about it and they always say that it's just my internal fear of becoming leader of our village but that feels wrong. I feel it is a warning like someone telling me something bad is going to happen. In the dream an evil shadowy man with glowing red eyes is destroying the village. At the end he always says i told you. Today was no different.

“Val! Wake up! We’re gonna have another race and you are still the winner!” i hear my older brothers voice. We are a race of shifters, a species that looks human but can transform into two other species, and i can become a horse or swan hence the name valkyrie. My brother a bear and a wolf. He hasn't gotten a name yet and he doesnt really want one. We are given normal names at birth, mine being rosin his being beamard but id rather valkyrie. So many people struggle on remembering how to say rosin that its just easier to go with valkyrie. I groan in annoyance and get up.

“You know I’m going to win if you allow the use of abilities, right? I can become a horse!”

“Yeah but eric is gonna join us today”beamard remarks with a smirk

“Oh no,” my brother laughs pats my shoulders and walks to the location

“So you have the same dream?” he says with genuine worry. I frown and nod. There's a silence for a while as we make our way towards the venue. My brother gives the normal rundown of rules. No inflicting pain on another, no cheating, yada yada yada. We start to take on our fastest forms and i notice hesitation on my brothers face.he glances towards me and forces a smile and mouths that he is fine. I raise an eyebrow and stay guarded.

Me and bee have been talking a lot about the history of our species and how it has been forgotten. We used to be able to shift into anything but we had to know the species very well and practice. We used to use it just to change our appearance slightly or prepare for battles and such but some wanted more. Our village got greedy and tried to learn any species possible so we could have the upper hand and the humans didn't like that. They never liked us because we are different but i get that. I understand how it feels. Some species scare me and my first reaction is to react unfavorably so i understand if they want to attack us. The humans asked us to agree to learning no more identities and we accepted it well reluctantly. My parents didn't like having their freedom taken away and neither did I when i learned.

My brother takes on the form of a wolf, Eric a falcon and me well i did something different. I tried a thoroughbred horse instead of a friesian. I probably would have been stopped had i not waited till the last minute. The cap gun goes off and we took off. I knew i was doing the wrong thing but man the adrenaline i was feeling was unreal. It was amazing. We all make it to the end but i zoomed to the finish line last minute and won. I was cheering having my own celebration but no one else was cheering.

“Ah c’mon guys don’t be sore losers it was only a-”

“Rosin how could you! You know that's forbidden! Are you trying to get us killed!” beamards shouts as he grabs my shoulders shaking me. The terror he is feeling was tangible and i looked up at him frowning.

“I-i thought it would be fine if it was just a different breed im sorry… im sorry! I don't want to get you killed! Im sorry!” as i begin to cry beamard softens and realizes he reacted harshly.

“Im sorry val i just worry i don't want anything to happen to you and honestly they wouldn't punish an entire village for an 8 year old’s curiosity.” somethign about the way he spoke felt fake and wrong but i just brushed it off and ignore it. we hug and our friends declare me the winner again. I convince them to all go out for ice cream by saying bee would treat them. He frowns and says fine and i laughs. Everything is nice and fun again and after ice cream w get home for dinner with our family. My parents seem oddly serious and beamard steps behind me. Dad nods at beamard and sighs.

“We know beamard you don't have to say anything i want you two to grab your dinners and go to the basement.” beamard nods and grabs our plates and heads off nudging me forward. I stand firm and glare at my father.

“No i will not! All day everyone has been acting.. Off? Weird? I cant describe it! Whatever it is im tired of it! Stop leaving me out!” beamard just quietly says please as i yell at my parents. Was it wrong of me to yell probably. Had i known what i know now would i have yelled? I wish i could say no but knowing myself the answer is still, probably. My father and mother kneel in front of me and frown grabbing my hands and say,

“Sweetie i know you want answers but please you have to trust us. We will be joining you two in the basement soon!” i frown, nod, and hug them and follow beamard to the basement. We eat our dinner in silence both too worried to speak. I suddenly remember my dream as it plays back in my head and i start crying as i realize.

“Beamard? The humans, they are trying to exterminate us aren't they?” he looks at me shocked but then nods and gestures for me to come over. I do and we huddle together hopeing for the best. “So my dream was correct… that really sucks.” i try so hard to keep my emotions under control but its hard. We hear screams outside and magic. we feel rumbling as homes are destroyed. The home we knew for years being reduced to ruble. The village i was to lead some day, no more. Everything we knew was being ripped from our grasp just because humans don't understand. Beamard looks down at me frowning.

“Rosie please don't hate the human. Please promise me you will stay open minded with them. Not all of them are terrible. Not all of them intend to destroy those they are confused about. Please keep your kind loving heart and promise me if anything were to happen to me that you wont change. That you wont let the hatred consume you. Please remember that i love you-” the door blasts open and a short winged humanoid comes in. they are wearing a cloak so we are unable to see what they look like but they are pale almost pinkish in hue. The vibes they give off are feelings of unsatiable blood lust and a hunger for violence. They send chills up my spine and i have the urge to run away. My brother grabs me and runs to the farthest corner of the room where he left his sword. I hiss through my teeth. Why didnt he have his sword on him? I draw my sword and approach “rosin no!” beamard jumps in front of my his sword clattering to the ground. There is a bright indigo light and it goes through my brother and reaches me. I an feel a searing pain from my left shoulder down to my hip and i wince, gritting my teeth. As i look forward to check on my brother all i can see is a pile of glittering crystals where my brother once was. I lose my composure for a moment and weep, collapsing where i stand, nd then regain it tearing off the crystals forming where the wound is.

“You arent a normal 8 year old are you? Youve prepared for this.” the person says with an unsusual voice. Its higher and friendly. One you would here and think of an innocent childlike individual. “A normal 8 year old would have been too afraid of the danger let alone the threat of death. They did warn me that you are an intelligent individual but i thought that meant for an 8 year old.”

“Yeah well you don't know our species then.” i get up draw my sword careful to make sure they arent looking and charge at them driving my sword through their middle and then using a match to light their wings. I didnt expect it to do much but they panicked and managed to break their wing. I oull my sword out and run away. As i am running i see the village i once knew. It was on fire. The cause? A grey dragon whose face was the angriest ive seen. The dragon made eye contact with me and it seemed to be appologizing. I run into the forest leaving a trail of blood. I find a cave and settle down when i hear a voice. The voice of a child about my age.

“Hi there my name is uh alex, we’ll go with that, um why are you in my cave?” i frown out of it.

“My village was just destroyed can you not see?” the child pauses and smirks. The smirk makes me go cold

“Oh yeah i forgot. I did warn you though.”

[ryudrawingblindofficial]

               Guys here is a master post of all My Children.                                                        

https://ryudrawingblindofficial.tumblr.com/OCsandchildren

    Undertale based kids.

Blurr!Sans and Pop!dog:

Blurr is from Abletale and is completely blind.   The only acceptation to this is Pop is Familiar and friend.  When Pop wears a special collar he provides Blurr with an understanding on what is around him.  Blurr has sight magic but with created with no eye sockets, so he wears a blindfold over his face with a matching soul that links to Pop.

Blurr’s very protective of his baby brother Shy!Papyrus and with Pop’s help wont hesitate to show you a bad time.

Blur has a calm personality.  He is meant to guard the gate to the one of the two barriers.  The other is guarded by the Queen

Un-available for shipping!

~~~~~

Tilted (Tilt!Sans) Blood:

A bad Sans From SteampunkTale and airship captain, whose soul has been Corrupted by a virus called “Blood Boil”.  His face became horribly damaged after running from a village, and he took the fur and soul of a bunny monster who was trying to befriend him.  He stuck the fur to one part of his face and eat her soul.  This fused the fur to him and numbed that pain he was in.  he has since learned that he needs pain medication to live a normal life with minimal pain.  He also eats souls in order to gain LV.

In a sorta relationship with Salem (@proxypuff)

~~~~~

Divine (Cupcake * @nekophy * and Drago * @proxypuff * child.)

Divine is a quiet timid healer.  She spends most her time with her Brother Ixyai (@proxypuff) or otter she calls him.  As a child she couldn’t control her ability and she nearly went insane from reading others memories and feelings.  She was sent away twice.  Once to train under Dream, but when that resulted in a very scary night of her hiding in the woods to try and get some sleep, she was sent to Lady Life in Reapertale.  She now wears a pendent that keeps her ability at bay.

She is most commonly the one to give up everything even her own happiness for the happiness of others.  She can’t stand violence and would rather try and save the un-saveable.

Dating!

~~~~~

Forgotten (and lost):

An abused child wondering a city looking for his mother.

(Story in progress.)

DO NOT SHIP!!!

~~~~~

Walker (Hacker):

The second child to FATHER and Snow (@proxypuff).  He has always been FATHERs favorite until now.  Walker currently lives in a cave hiding away from his CREATOR and is unaware Snow exists.  Walker mostly talks to Proxy over all his other brothers.  To his knowledge all the others think he is still working for FATHER.

In a Relationship with Hebi AKA Charmer  (@shu-draw)

~~~~~

Vapor AKA Vape (A Quarrel * @thepleasantjellybean * and Anarchy * @proxypuff * Child): 

A smoke puffing reaper.  He loves working in Reapertale with his mother and grandfather.  His favorite thing to do with his father is travel and write books based on AUs.  Vapor can puff out vapor from his mouth and nose that is just simply magic.

Currently Dating!

~~~~~

Acid (Genocide)

The sister of Snow (@proxypuff)

Acid is a living embodiment of all genocide routes in and around the AU’s and the many timelines they create.

Acids favorite thing to do in mess with monsters.  She is very sexually promiscuous.  She has no mind rubbing herself up on any monster or human she chooses.  She sometimes uses this to cause fights.  Her lack of a moral compass seems to be her biggest folly.

Available for shipping!  (Also is open to Experiences.  Ask if you want to know. )

~~~~~

Lyric (MusicBox AU)

A not very outspoken gentleman.  He loves to sing but believes its not good.  He lives alone since he can no longer return home to his parents in his AU after its gate was destroyed by Error.

Available for shipping!

~~~~~

Pokemon based kids.

Richie (Low IV'ed Eevee)

An Eevee at lv 1 he was hatched with the worst IV’s and EV’s so the trainer that hatched him just tossed him out.  He has grown to dislike trainers and vowed to stop them from catching a Pokemon if he can stop it.  He is still a baby and currently is cared for by a Chansey Name Karry.  His best friend is a Riolu named Angel

Un-available for shipping!

~~~~~

MY LITTLE PONY characters

Laser Sight (Fallout Equestria)

The last of a recon team to see if the surface was safe to live on, Laser lost his entire teal to a Raider nest.  He himself was injured really badly.  They removed his Cutie mark, along with a few other injuries.  

Once he was free, Laser wondered the Wastes looking for those he could help, as a way to fill a promise he man to a Marefriend.

Laser is soon followed by the leader of the Raiders who had just freed him.   Nirvana is a huge distraction and is a constant reminder of how deprived the Wastes can be.

The two become travel companions and begin the journey to find the old city of Canterlot.

It doesn’t take to long before new thoughts and feeling creep up on Laser.

Un-available for shipping!

~~~~~

FlameStream

Flame Stream is a pony born to be able to handle extreme weathers.  He is the soul researcher on dragons.  He takes care of a baby dragon named Rascal.  Flame’s closest friend is Misfit Pon (@proxypuff)

I may release a story based on him.

Un-available for shipping!

Rascal (Baby Dragon)

Flame Stream’s baby dragon friend.  Still an infant and learning how to walk and talk.

~~~~~

Tucker (MoonColt)  ((COMING SOON!))

~~~~~

Halo Star AKA Lady Heart :

Halo star is a PonySona of myself.  Because I’m legally blind she is too.  She was what I made my YT vids with.  

She can’t fly, but can hover for up to one minute before her wings hurt to much and she has to land.

Her cutie mark is a heart with a halo over the right side.  it resembles her kind nature to anypony.

Available for shipping!

~~~~~

Original characters.

Ryu The Blind Cat (Tumblr OC) :

Ryu the cat is commonly Sassy. He is totally blind in his left eye, and has no feeling in his right ear.  He lives in a large space with many doors.  He is the only one who knows where the different doors lead to. Each door is a different Galaxy (fandom) he likes traveling to.

Ryu’s companion in his house is the Flying ask box that he can control freely.  He sends “Asky” to any of the others if he doesn’t want to answer anything.

Ryu is in a Relationship with ProxyPuff

~~~~~

Ryu the Halfer (AKA Kenji):

Story : Fangs and Tails.

Ryu has no feeling in his Right ear no after what has happened to him.  He hides his ears and tail in public.  He would rather stay in his top floor apartment of the building he owns.  Ryu normally only comes out to lay in the fresh cut grass in the park near his home.

Ryu’s Relationship is with Kumi (@proxypuff)

Ryu’s story.

    Ryu,was first born with the name Shin,  He can’t tell what year or what day he was born in, but he remembers a bitter cold that nothing but a dead of winter could make.  His heightened senses can recall a scent of fire, The warming touch of a human body and the the cooing sound of a woman.

    Ryu living with a woman he vaguely remembers calling mommy.  Her touch and her scent linger in his memory along with his earliest happy memory, and his most disturbing memory.  Ryu was never allowed to remove his hat, or wear shorts that did not conceal his tail.  He was never advised by his mother the reasons behind the concealment.

      Two days before Christmas Ryu sat with his mother as she began to make dinner.  His mother had just finished explaining why he was given the name Shin.  “Because you’re my heart.”  She said.  When a man stomped down the door.  “I seek out that child of yours.”  He called to Ryu’s mom.  “I hear you have a black half-child.  Give it up!”  Ryu ran to hide from the site, his mother screaming at him all the while to never look back.  “I’ll find you Shin!  Just hide!”

     Ryu ran and hid in a car.  He cried himself to sleep that night.  Waking up later, Ryu found himself in a locked room.  He yelled for hours before a tall young man walked in with another slightly older man who appeared well dressed.  “What’s your name?”  The well dressed man asked.  

      “Shin, will you help me find my mother.”  Ryu asked.       “Does she have your hair?”  Asked the younger.       “No, hers is yellow.”  Ryu answered.       The well dressed man handed the other a large bag.  “Well done.”  Was said, before reaching out and grabbing Ryu’s hand.  “Follow me Neko!” The well dressed man said, nearly dragging Ryu along.       Ryu lived as Neko, and became a fast pet.  Placed through a ownership process.  Branded with a tattoo, a lead ring on his right ear, and a collar around his neck.  Though young and in pain through out the whole thing, he was given to his new masters son as a gift for his seventh birthday.  He wasn’t allowed to learn, but secretly taught himself how you write and read some, through his young master Hiroshi.

    As he grew he was treated horribly by his master.  Forced to clean and not wear a shirt ever.  He was leashed in public, and when he disobeyed or blamed for anything the leash was hooked to his lead ring causing him great amounts of pain as he was forced to bow.  He was hit for good measure every now and again. Yet with his young master Hiroshi.  He found someone who would treat him kindly.  Praise him for the good things, teach him things when he messed up. Hiroshi allowed him to become a friend, to be close. He gave him a blanket when he was sick when they got older.  It didn’t take long before he and his young master Hiroshi became more than friends.  Ryu was around thirteen when he and his master was finally caught in each others arms.  

     His master was so mad, but from that point on he kept Ryu locked up and only allowed out for his own personal uses.

    Ryu was fifteen when his young master Hiroshi and a woman came to see him.  They explained that a law was passed back when Ryu was thirteen and it meant he was free.

    “Will you come with me young master?”  Ryu had asked.   Hiroshi smiled at Ryu and kissed his head.  “I’m no longer here Neko, I can’t leave.”  

      Upon closer look Ryu saw it.  His masters body looked so weak, so not like it used to.  “Can I stay with you till then?”  He asked.       “I’d rather you leave, I wouldn’t want you to see this.”  Hiroshi said and smiled.  “All my clothes, and most of my thing I want you to have.  This woman, her name is Minato, she’s a friend of mine.  She’ll take you far away from here.  Where you can live in peace.”  He let a fragile hand rest on Ryu’s cheek.   “Neko you are free to have your own name your own life.”       Ryu cried to the touch and closed his eyes.  “My name will be Ryu.  I’m going to be human someday.”  He said.       “Don’t deny who you are Ryu…”  Hiroshi smiled.  “Dragon, Ryu, it fits you.”       Ryu left that house with Minato to live in a big city.  In Hiroshi’s things Ryu found Manga that taught him what Yaoi was.  He soon learned to draw, and through Minato’s company began to published a manga series.      Ryu only cried once after leaving.  He broke down the day he learned that Hiroshi died.

This Master list can change from time to time if I add more to the master post.

[thejokersenigma]

Joker x Reader - One Shot Request - No one disrespects the Queen.

Hi guys,

Some I' really excited for this piece of writing because it's my very first request! Thank you to whoever posted this for me to do by the way - I like writing for someone!

This was the request:

Could you perhaps write a oneshot fanfiction with Joker where the reader is badly anorexic? I know it's a touchy subject it's just I personally am struggling with it and feel unlovable. Most people tell me I'm a skeleton and look disgusting. If you are willing too I'd really like to read something like that as I adore your work and reading your fanfics makes me happy. If not it's understandable... Like where J realises she never eats and sees how deathly she looks and tries to help her?

First of all, I was more than happy to write this because I myself have been through anorexia and so I really wanted to cheer this anon up in anyway I could. With that in mind I do apologise if you can't relate to this fic very well, I'm sure everyone who has anorexia goes through things differently, but ive written it the way that I went through by using what I felt and what I experienced.

Other point to make, this is not exactly like what the request asked for as it focuses more on the lack of energy etc. side of it and more of just before help, not the help techniques. If you would like a one shot more on what you asked for feel free to let me know and I'd happily write it but I got caught up in this storyline in my head and didn't want to make it 10,000 words by putting in anymore than what ive done here.

But like i'd said, I'm happy to carry it on if that's something people are interested in.

Sorry about the really long blab above ^^^ I'll get on with the story now.

MASTERLIST

One-shot MASTERLIST

 WARNING: TRIGGERING! Please do not read if anything about anorexia is in anyway way triggering!!!! You have been warned! Pls don't put yourself through pain to read this! xxxxxx

You've been warned!

When I looked at my phone, the clock read nearly 4:30am.

There was a dim light in the room, the summer sun already having risen. I could feel a presence behind me as I lay in bed, and a quick glance over my shoulder confirmed my suspicions – my boyfriend was home.

He hadn’t been 2 hours earlier when - yet again - I had woken up, but now I turned over to watch him, his green hair - usual so neatly styled – dishevelled and fanning out around him on his pillow, his pallor face peaceful, and, though the rings under his eyes still dark, the features on his face were softer somehow.

He was beautiful in his own way, I thought as I admired him lying there. To some people his appearance was terrifying, others found him almost intoxicating. I was one of those. His vibrant red lips, only a short distance away, were addictive and even now I wanted to reach out and trace them. His eyes, hidden though they were in the dark under his eyes lids, were a captivating blue that could pierce into you and I had to stop myself from waking him just to see them.

I didn’t get to do this often. Just be with him. He was always busy doing something, sometimes I wondered if he acknowledged my existence at all or if I was just a convenience, available when he needed me, but otherwise not there.

When we were together I still didn’t feel like we stopped to savour anything, he was always such an urgent person, he didn’t savour many things. So I liked times like this, even is he wasn’t really part of this. I felt like I could step back and just admire him.

As I revelled in his perfectness, I couldn’t help the thoughts now turning to how much I wasn’t perfect. How I was nothing like the man before me. Personality or beauty.

So why was I here?

Why was I the one lying next to him in this huge queen-sized bed in his penthouse?

Was I just a convenience?

I was always waiting for the day he didn’t bring me back here. Or the day he just turned a gun on me. You’d think I’d be scared that this was technically a possibility, but it was weird, I had never felt in danger with him. He clearly trusted me, I thought as I watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically, or else he wouldn’t put himself in such a vulnerable position with me.

But why?

There was nothing about me particularly enticing, nothing to draw someone in – I was a plain girl, untalented, chubby, ungraceful and nothing compared to what he could have.

The minute I once more turned my thoughts down this path, I could feel the invasive thoughts taking other once again, That’s right. The voice said to me, you need to be better. They were right and I was now painfully aware of how many hours I had been lying in the bed. I had to be better.

I rolled back over, sitting up and about to swing my legs over the edge when I felt a strong, muscular arm wrap around my waist and pull me backwards.

My head landed on the Joker’s solid chest and I heard the sleepy mumble close to my ear. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Can’t sleep.” I replied, pulling against his restraint. The voice in my head was louder now. Demanding. I needed to be on my feet now or else I was lazy. Failing.

I pulled against my restraint, almost violently, and J wasn’t expecting it so he released me. I moved back to the end of the bed, immediately pushing myself to my feet. I hugged my arms against myself, instantly freezing when I got out of the warm bed - even in the middle of July. I noticed movement behind me and I turned to see the Joker making a move to get out of bed as well.

“No J.” I told him, leaning over my side of the bed and placing my hand on his chest – immediately the invasive thoughts were back, battling with each. Was this bad? Am I using energy if I’m not supporting my full weight on my legs? But I’m using my arm muscles to keep myself up – so that’s alright – I’m just using different muscles. “You need to sleep.” I said, trying not to show the inner battle inside me.

“And so do you doll.” He retorted grumpily.

“I went to bed early.” I lied, watching him carefully, begging him in my mind to believe me. “J, I’m fine.” I insisted, “Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t me you shouldn’t.” He stared back at me, his eyes clear and penetrating even in the darkness of the room and I was worried he would see through my lie and put up a fight.

He dropped back down onto the bed without a word, turning over so he wasn’t facing me. That hurt a bit, but I was glad he was letting me go. I didn’t hang around, leaving him to get some rest as I walk out the room in silence, grabbing and jumper and then closing the door as quietly as possible behind me.

I wandered from room to room slowly as I pulled my hoody over my head – it was 2 sizes too big for me now.

I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I had all these extra hours now that I didn’t sleep as long, yet nothing to do with them.

I tried to remember what I used to do, but few things appealed to me anymore.

I remembered I used to read a lot, book after book – sometimes finishing a huge novel in a day if I got really into it. Now nothing seemed to hold my attention for long – it was too much effort to get invested in a book and pay attention to it.

I remembered once wanting to write. Now had no imagination, and no will to sit at a computer for hours at a time. Besides I couldn’t now - I would have to stand.

Instead I turned to one of the few activities that I found myself enjoying now – so much so it was what usually got me through the day – watching the cooking channel.

It sounded lame, but for some reason I loved it and found it fascinating. I made my way to the living room, switching on the TV, not surprised when it was already on the right channel (J didn’t watch much TV – he was too busy). And so I watched rerun after rerun of a cooking competition, enthralled in the concoctions and the food porn on the screen.

I didn’t sit on the expensive sofas that graced the high-end flat though, instead I stood, leaning on the back of the chair until I realised maybe I ought not to be leaning – the voice telling me that it wasn’t doing enough –  and I reluctantly pushed myself up so that my leg supported my full weight, my feet already protesting.

No pain, no gain, I thought, shifting my weight from foot to foot to try to relieve the ache a bit. After a while I pulled out my phone and returned to my second favourite pastime – looking at websites for health tips, weight loss tricks and recipes.

I don’t know how long I stood there flicking through tabs and watching Jamie Oliver teach me to roast a Turkey just right (it was a Christmas special on in the middle of July) – probably at least an hour before I couldn’t ignore the pain in my feet anymore and I needed to move.

So I switched to the last thing in my repertoire of hobbies – cooking.

So the rest of the my very early morning was spent cooking up a breakfast for J and any henchman that had to stop by the flat for business.

The oven clock read 8am when I finally allowed myself to have my first meal of the day. (I was ready to eat at 7:56, but it had to be exactly 8 before I allowed myself anything – otherwise the voice told me I’d get too hungry too quickly). I prepped my food – an apple – cut into the thinnest slices I could manage so I felt like I was eating more – and weighed it – 50g = 26 calories. I typed this into my calorie counting app on my phone then proceeded to remove 10g from the scales and threw them into the bin - just to be safe that I wasn’t definitely eating no more than 26 calories.

When I had remeasured the food at least 2 more times to check it was definitely the number I had read I finally allowed myself to sit down on one of the kitchen stools and eat.

I ate away at the thin pieces of fruit, trying my best to eat slowly and make the most of the food, cursing to myself that I couldn’t have waited until later to eat. The problem with getting up early was I had to acknowledge the hunger earlier -  if I managed to sleep later, I could eat later. That then meant that got hungry later and might even be able to skip lunch.

I suddenly felt a shiver wrack through my body even with my oversized jumper and thick pyjamas, and I yearned for a hot drink to warm me up a bit. I could smell the coffee beans that J had from the other side of the room. Even as I considered the temptation of making a cup I was doing the calculations in my head. I couldn’t afford the calories – all 2-9 of them (depending on who you asked) I always counted each cup as 18 calories because that was the highest result I had gotten when I had searched it and I couldn’t risk being wrong.

So instead I stood back up, my feet immediately sore again, and boiled the kettle, pouring myself a mug of hot water. This would do I thought as I sipped at the hot water. It felt wonderful.

My breakfast finished, and still no movement from J, I thought about what to do now. Today was my day off my usual work out – but that didn’t mean it was my day off exercise. I didn’t want to wake J up, but I needed to get out of my pyjamas so I dug around till I found the pile of laundry, clean but not ironed.

I changed in a bathroom down the hall, pulling a fleece over my goosebump riddled arms. I couldn’t believe it was July. Must be global warming or something.

I took the private elevator down to the ground floor and then headed across the large entrance way to the exit. I got a few weird looks on the way out of the building but most of the people around at this time of morning on a Tuesday were business men rushing to meetings and I was too self-conscious to keep much of my gaze higher than the floor immediately in front of me.

I said I would go for a walk. Told myself I would. But I knew I was really going for a run. The good thing about running was – besides the obvious calorie burning – I could run past people before I caught them staring at me.

I started running the minute I stepped onto the pavement. I ran and ran until I couldn’t anymore. Then I would slow to a walk for a few moments before I ran again. I continued this the whole run. I couldn’t run any less than the last time – it always had to be the exact same or more. If it was more – then I would have to meet that next time.

I ran for a good hour. 1:13 to be exact. I did a circuit so I ended up back at the suite.

It was only when I walked back into the pent house, still catching my breath, that I realised the door to the bedroom was open and, when I looked in, the bed was empty. J must have finally got up and probably now working – I wondered if he found the food I’d made him.

I moved to the bathroom, turning on the shower and undressing, having to pause for a moment when I felt a wave of light-headedness wash over me. I sat on the side of the large bath tub, soon letting myself slip off and sink to the tiled floor, my knees folded into my chest and my head in my hands as I tried to breathe evenly, momentarily terrified something bad was happening to me.

I kept breathing myself through it – maybe I’d been overdoing it recently? After a few moments, everything felt fine once more and I pushed myself wearily to my feet – the voice in my head only justifying that I could sit that long thanks to the run I had just done.

Standing upright made me feel woozy again but I persevered anyway, slipping into the shower and moving slowly until I felt a bit better – though it was probably the speed I always moved. Everything I did was now was slow. But everyone had days like that right? When you didn’t have the energy or motivation to move any faster than one slow pace. That was just life – I just happen to do it a lot lately – but was it really slow after all – was I just being silly?

As I stood pondering this I felt cold arms wrap my stomach. I flinched at the contact on an area I felt sensitive about, gasping in surprise, at jumping at the cold touch. “Jeez, doll, this water is boiling.” I spun around to come face to face with the Joker still fully clothed, behind me.

“What are you doing?” I asked in disbelief looking at his shirt which hung open as though he had been in the middle of getting dressed, the water now soaking into the sleeves.

“Trying to see if my little kitten wanted to get hot in a different way then pouring lava on her skin.” He growled teasingly with a wide grin on his face, his hands trailing over my skin and making me goose bump in a non-sexual way. I couldn’t help but shiver against him.

“Ooo doll, do that again.” The Joker purred, pulling me closer so I was pressed against his muscular chest, his cold skin against mine seeming to pull the heat from my body.

“No, J.” I said almost harshly, pushing away from him and stepping back under the powerful shower, hugging my arms to myself and embracing the heat that washed over me.

“Excuse me, doll?” Asked J incredulously, his grin dropping and his eyes becoming dark – like they did when anyone refused him something. But I trusted him to control himself around me.

“I’m sorry J,” I apologised none the less - I didn’t like disappointing him. “I’m just not in the mood.”

He grumbled something indistinctly, his eyes still dangerous, and left in a huff. I was left standing alone in the shower, even colder than before.

  We didn’t really clash for the rest of the day – mostly, I believed, because J did his usual of shutting himself away in the office all day as he carried out his business.

Our relative peace only lasted till that evening however, when J asked invited me to go with him to the club for the evening.

“No thanks, J.” I said, giving my familiar answer as I lounged on the sofa (my first sit down in over 2 hours).

He frowned, his eyes darkening immediately again, not that I noticed – I wasn’t looking at him. He didn’t say anything in reply but he didn’t move either. I had expected him to get his answer and leave – maybe in a huff, but I didn’t have the energy to care. When he didn’t however I turned my head to look at him, frowning at him in question.

“It wasn’t a request this time, doll.” He growled at me in warning.

I was shocked by what he was saying, was he forcing me to go out? “I don’t want to go, J.” I told him calmly, but with a sternness to it.

“I don’t care what you want, doll.” He purred dangerously.

“You can’t force me to go out with you.” I told him, but my voice faltered slightly under his gaze and I knew I could feeling my pulse under my skin. He was starting to scare me.

“Kitten,” He warned, “you’re pushing me and I’m not sure you want to.” There was no smile on his face, his lips a dark red and pressed into a thin line, his eyes looked fierce.

I was frightened now, J hadn’t been like this with me before. Had I pissed him off? I was always worried because of my low mood that I was being moody or annoying to people, but I couldn’t never seem to do anything about.

Now I was stuck in my own mind. I hated that I was letting J down by not wanting to go with him, but I was tired – physically and mentally exhausted. The voice seemed confused too. If I went to the club then I the movement was burning more calories than staying here. But I hated the feeling of exhaustion I got when I was out in public and the fact I would have to make it through the whole night trying to look alive, whilst also coming up with a new reason why I couldn’t have one of the club’s cocktails. J had already asked me several times if I was pregnant. I wasn’t willing to say yes to that to get out of a drink – not yet anyway.

But I hadn’t been to the club in over a month now. J went nearly every night to one or another of his businesses.

I didn’t know what to say to J now. He was still frightening me and I was scared to push him further and unsure what I could say to placate him. All that was running through my head at the moment was the same lame excuses as to why I didn’t want to go – I’m too tired, I don’t even drink, you don’t need me there, it’s not like I’ll do anything but sit and wait for you to finish anyway. I knew J didn’t care about my excuses.

I couldn't meet his eyes anymore, keeping my gaze down. He couldn't stop glaring darkly at me and - if I looked at him now - I was sure I would see the anger darkening his eyes to a stormy blue.

When the silence between us became too much, and I had to look up at him just to try to gage what he was feeling, it was worse than I thought. I was worried what I was seeing was not truly anger, but hurt, as though he was in some sort of pain.

That sight burned me, broke me, and I had to look away, concentrating back onto the thick carpet under my socks, tracing the pattern with my eyes.

“I’m sorry, J” I mumbled at the floor.

“You’re sorry?” He whined, mimicking me cruelly. “You’re sorry?" he asked again. “Your apologies are like cheesy pop songs doll, they just keep playing till people are sick of them!” He sneered.

I didn't know what to say to that - clearly an apology wouldn't be right - so I continued to stare at the floor. It was comfier like this. I liked the fact my neck hung loose, no energy needed to hold it up. I liked the fact I was collapsed on the sofa, all day I wished I could have done it.

“Look at you.” he snarled venomously, gesturing to me as I sat - probably looking like a rejected puppet collapsed against the arm of the sofa and lost amongst the many layers of baggy jumpers and hoodies I wore, "pathetic."

"You’re weak.” He spat, “No spark, no flare, no energy. What is the use of you anymore?" he demanded.

I shook my head at the carpet, each word stabbing and shooting through me like he was firing the weapons I knew were in his pockets. What was the point in me? What was my use anymore? I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I tried to hold back the tide that now threatened to overwhelm me, covering my face with my hands as if somehow that might help to hold it all back.

“Pathetic.” He snarled again before he spun around and stormed out of the room, leaving me curled into the sofa, no longer able to hold back the emotions. I let out one hiccupping sob and then everything poured out until I was blubbering into the expensive sofa arm.

It wasn’t long before I heard the roar of an engine and the screech of wheel that told me the Joker had left and a new, more intense wave washed over until I was gripping fists of my hair and pulling in misery and frustration.

In a moment of mental clarity, I had a thought.

What was happening to me?

I went to bed early that night, unable to concentrate on anything but on low I was feeling. How nothing was right. How I was starving and wanted food. How I was in pain and hated my workouts, dreaded them every day. How I hated that I hurt people around me – especially J. I didn’t blame him for going off on me, everything he said had been true. I was weak, I was pathetic.

With all these things replaying in my head I slept fitfully that night – never seeming to manage for than 30 minutes before I was awoken by my own mind.

That was why - when the Joker finally returned to the suite at 4am the following morning - I was lying awake. Hungry, thirsty, depressed and stressed, yet too exhausted to anything about any of these things, I just lay staring up at the ceiling in the dark.

When I heard the front door open I knew it would have to be him – security was tight around here, very tight. Not even a henchman was allowed up here if he wasn’t here. None the less I panicked and my every sense focused on his movements through the pent house as I tried to detect when he was getting close to the room.

After a few long agonising minutes, the hallway light was switched on illuminating the outline of the door directly in front of me. I heard the door open and one crack of light enlarged as the bedroom door opened to reveal J’s dark shadow in the doorway. I blinked at the sudden brightness that filled the room.

The silence between us stretched on. I didn’t move and neither did J.

I could have pretended to sleep. Delayed the conversation, maybe even removed the chance to have it.

But I was tired, achy, depressed and starving.

“Help me.” I whimpered into the dark.

I thought the shadow would leave me then. Turn and walk away from the pitiful girl lying on the bed, unable to find anything within her to even sit up. All I do was wait for the shadow to leave the doorway and for the sound of receding footsteps.

But they didn’t.

The shadow moved, but not away. It came into the room, his steps softened by the thick carpet underfoot. I closed my eyes, no longer sure I wanted to do this now.

The next thing I knew I was being scooped up by strong arms and pulling me upright with very little effort until I was cradled in his arms. His chest was hard and cold, but I found it comforting and solid.

“I thought you would have left.” He murmured so quietly I almost couldn’t hear.

I shook my head – hard as it was to do when I was pressed so tightly to his chest.

“The one time, kitten, that the I’m glad you’re not like you use to be.” He said, and I pulled my head up to look him in the eyes, frowning with confusion.

“The old you would never had let me get away with the shit I said to you, doll. You would have up and left whilst preaching about some right you had or something.” He chuckled quietly to himself.  I just cuddled back into his solid chest, showing him in my own silent way that I had no intention to leave. His arms tightened around me even more.

We stayed like that in silence for a while, happy to be in each-others company. It was what I had always wanted between us – for him to slow down for a moment, and I guess I needed to as well. It was a rare kind of sincerity with the Joker.

“I just want to be perfect for you J.” I finally admitted, lifting my head slightly so I could speak.

He didn’t say anything and I wondered if he heard me. I buried once more, embarrassed for confessing something so personal when he didn’t even care to listen.

“You think I would waste my time on someone who wasn’t already perfect?” He asked, and I felt the vibration of his voice through his chest, it comforted me.

I pulled myself away from him again so I could look up at his face, “But your always around all those pretty girls at the club – I’m nothing like them.” I pointed out.

“You don’t think I know that, doll?” He demanded with a frown and I let my head drop – he was annoyed that I wasn’t like them then. “I’m glad you’re not, doll. I’ve been around those sorts of girls for a very long time and none of them have ever come home with me.” He told me, “The first night I saw you I made sure you did.” There was a another pause of silence, both of us lost in our own minds. “That was a long time ago though.” J reminisced, “A time when you looked very different.”

“But why - ?” I pressed, confused by what he was saying – it didn’t make sense to me.

“Because doll, I chose you for more than you’re looks – which I hasten to add are more than adequate!” He said hotly, as though annoyed at my continual denial of this, “And I’ll be sure to correct you when you say otherwise.” He added. “But doll, the first thing I saw with you wasn’t your killer dress or your murderous curves,” He purred teasingly, running his hands up my body as he still held me upright and I squirmed under his touch, uncharacteristically trying to hold back giggles, “it was your personality, your humour, your energy. All of which you are now severely lacking in, kitten.” He pointed out.

At least words any happiness I had built being with him crumbled. “I’m a failure.” I blubbered, feeling myself close to sobbing again.

“You’re not a failure doll,” J said, almost softly, though there was firmness to his voice, “I’m afraid you’re just sane.” He said solemnly, “It’s a terrible disease that grips you – it makes you care too much, it makes you gullible, it makes you greedy for something better and never content to revel in the present.” He rattled off passionately. He switched his arm placement around me so he supported me with only one arm, the other he brought up to my face and tenderly wiped away the tears on my cheeks, “It’s a terrible disease,” He repeated, “It always makes you look for the reason to cry, not to laugh.” He added with a sad smile that I could just make out in the poor lighting.

I gave him a weak smile in return, probably looking a state even in the darkness, and my smile dropped again at the thought. J must have noticed because he moved his hand from my cheek to my chin, tilting my face up so I looked at him in the eye. “That why I’m here though, doll.” He said with a small smile, “I’m the opposite of you, you’re my sanity doll, and I’m your crazy.” He purred lowly, tilting my face more and pulling me up as he leant down and he kissed me.

“I’ll help you.” He promised, “No one disrespects my Queen, especially not the Queen herself.”

tags: @carouselcurls

[groundramon]

17, 30, 36!

17: Favorite singer?GHAHH I’m so bad at singers/bands, I basically only listen to the same thing for like a week straight and then never listen to it or the artist again BUT I have a very nostalgic connection to Sabrina Carpenter and her voice is nice so I guess her.  (I’m not mainstream trash but I’m lower than that, like I have no standards and whatever doesn’t hurt my ears is a-okay with me)

30: Meaning behind your urlTeam Capumon was actually an old story of mine!  Pokemon is such a big part of my life that it’s essentially a personality trait of mine at this point, but two subsets of Pokemon that I’ve always been huge into are PMD and the “beta” behind-the-scenes stuff.  Barring Porygon2 because I love Porygon2, Kurusu (the beta starter from the original demo of GS) is my favorite Pokemon and would easily beat out my current favorite first-stage starters and may even beat out my favorite starter line of all (Charmander’s) depending on its evolutions.  BUT Team Capumon went back further than that, to designs that were used before Pokemon was even known as “Pokemon” - back when it was called “Capsule Monsters”.  There’s more information on that here.  The characters were based on Original Nidorino (which fuck bulbapedia, he’s clearly a totodile line-inspiring design.  I refuse to believe that his color pallet isn’t blue with a yellow underside and red horns tbh) and Dragon4 from this bulbapedia page.  The characters were named Scales and Shard respectively.  I drew Scales a LOT as a kid, and my first drawing of him (or rather, what would become his character) was one of the first drawings I was truly proud of.  I could actually draw him pretty decently on a regular basis, although I unfortunately cant say that about him anymore xD I had a hard time drawing Shard though so I didnt draw him as often.  I actually have some art of Scales on my computer (no finished art of Shard though, unfortunately - or none that I can find anyways) so at the bottom of this post I’ll attach my most recently finished drawing of him!  It wont go under the answer for this question for some fuckin reason so I cant put it here :UBut anyways, Team Capumon was my main project back when I joined a site that was all too powerful in determining the direction of my life from that point on - Animal Jam.  I couldn’t think of a good username for my account, but then I thought of my story, and I used that name - because then I wouldn’t have to put a number after my user and SCREW NUMBERS (idk ive always had a weird thing about not using numbers in usernames unless its for a specific aesthetic).  Animal Jam launched my existence on the internet first onto Scratch and then onto DeviantArt (both caused by the same three people, who I’m still in contact with to this day!) so it just felt logical to use TeamCapumon for everything after Animal Jam, plus it had a nice ring to it that I really liked.  (Fun fact: those same three people who convinced me to get a Scratch and then dA are the same three people who gave me my nickname “Stormy”!) Another two fun facts about Scales in particular: 1. I have a plushie of him, made by myself!  Unfortunately it’s falling apart, but oh well xD I also made a plushie of Kurusu very recently (who, ironically enough, I’m planning to make into a PMD character from my CURRENT PMD project, a group on dA.  We allow [certain] beta Pokemon there because I’m biased.)  The Pioneers Guild in said PMD group is also founded by a Feraligator and a Charizard possibly named after and loosely based on Scales and Shard!  And 2. Speaking of characters based on Scales, Scales has a character/evolution line inspired by his design in Oneiromon!  Scalesdramon from Oneiromon, Mich’s adult form, is based on Scales.

36: Favorite food?OH FUCK THIS IS HARD vvvv man my dad’s french toast is the bomb, but I cant say french toast is one of my favorite foods or even very high up my list because most people would say my dad makes french toast wrong bUT ITS ALL OF YOU WHO MAKE IT WRONG.  THE WORLD IS WRONG AND MY FAMILY (except my mom bc she likes regular french toast better) IS RIGHT, SCREW YOU.  But basically to get an idea of what I mean, my dad’s french toast is less sweet with syrup on it.  You eat it plain, and putting syrup on it is a disgrace (//glares at my mom)But idk if thats ABSOLUTELY my favorite and my favorite probably just depends on the day.  Other things I really like include popcorn shrimp, blackberry frozen yogurt, pirate’s booty, and probably brown sugar cinnamon poptarts but i havent had those in years bc i ate them too much as a kid.  Like they became such a staple of my life that I cant call them my favorite anymore.  Also fruitloops are like the thing I eat literally every single day (unless we’re out or i randomly decide to eat lucky charms instead - heaven forbid the day we’re out of both bc ill just starve for breakfast i guess) but they’re far from my favorite.

Picture of Scales:

This picture is fairly recent btw, I was NOT drawing that well when I was 12 xD this drawing is from mid 2016, so I was 15 at the time.  Also this was traditionally drawn with pastels!  Idk where my pastels went but I really enjoyed pastels and how they made my art look, so I should go looking for them again…(then again lately my hands have been really dry and i can hardly sketch let alone use pastels bc sensory overload and I hate how paper feels against anything dry, OTL)

[zerohourseraphim]

          An Open Letter to Politicians and any concerned that video games add drastically to the number of incidents of gun violence and mass shootings.

          I watched a video from The Daily Show. In it, Trevor Noah responded to a tweet from Neil DeGrasse Tyson. The tweet came in the wake of a pair of mass shootings, drawing the ire of the collective internet. In the video, Trevor Noah pointed out that in all the events in which there are statistically more deaths than mass shootings, we as a society have many mitigating factors in an effort to ensure the health and safety of the populace. From medical errors, illness, car accidents, suicide and homicide, he went down the list of how we as a society try to stave off a mounting death toll.

          After the video, my mind turned to the blame that violence in video games was recieving once more. Is there a some valid history here? I think so. I have heard of times in which shooters used games and their engines to make mock ups of the grounds they aimed to terrorize and essentially practice their runs. I am also willing to admit that “you are what you eat”, and as such have to be mindful about what you consume. But in the vein of Trevor Noah’s segment, I began giving focused thought on what the gaming industry could do to police itself, more than lip service or pandering. To do something with the aim of quelling violence. After solid consideration there is only one thing that could be done: Rate games more harshly, namely rating more games as Adult Only rather than Mature.

          Back before the 90s, video games were seen solely as a medium of entertainment for children. The game series Mortal Kombat, still in its infancy, gained a lot of attention for bucking that trend and playing to an older audience. The gratuitous death animations and the over-the-top blood sprays on every hit gained the attention of the American government, leading to creation of the ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board). Since then, all video games, and many other form of computer software and electronic media, have been subject to a division akin to movies and books. These are…

Everyone (E) Everyone 10+ (E10) Teen (T)- Geared towards ages 13 and up Mature (M)- 17 and up Adults only (AO)- 18 and up

          I am of the opinion that the rating system is not all that useful as it is not accurately utilized. For starters, I have always found it quirky how closely spaced the ages in the latter ratings are. Next, brick and mortar salesman were savvy gatekeepers when such was the only way to purchase games. The staff were, and still can, recognize if a T title is appropriate for younger audiences. Beyond that, in cases where an obvious child strolls up with a Mature game or one for Teens more on the Mature side, a parent is normally not too far away. They are likely to see their child as being “mature enough to handle it” and support the purchase. In this vein it has always been an adult, not the rating system, that has barred my access to a game. If you pull aside an adult gamer and ask them to assemble a collection of their most adult games and you will likely see that they are all rated as Mature. This rating is “as bad as it gets”. Thus I doubt you’ll see any Adult Only games. Why?

Cue my Social Cynic for the answer: Money.

          The video game industry generates billions of dollars worth of annual revenue. Amongst that is Grand Theft Auto Online, an extension to GTA V, which is the most lucrative entertainment property of all time. Not most valuable video game. Highest earning entertainment outlet in history. More than Avengers: Endgame or Avatar. More than Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, or any other popular book series.

I repeat: Grand Theft Auto Online is THE highest grossing entertainment property of all time. And, as it is ongoing, its revenue will only continue to grow.

          So how is this possible? The first answer on the board is microtransactions, which are gaining a number of articles from me and the internet abroad as it stands. But in relation to this article, availability. The difference between a Mature and Adults Only rating is where they are sold. With the former it is virtually everywhere, and it is virtually nowhere with the latter. In the pre-internet age, making a game Adults Only would have killed any chance of it turning a profit. And, while removing a title from retailers shelves may seem major even now, the people that want the game will purchase it online and get a download key or the like. If they want a physical disc instead, they can order it from the company, and will likely be given a key while they wait. In fact, an Adults Only rating would only serve as free publicity.

          I have seen games earn the Adults Only rating. I have watched as they were banned from sale in Wal-Marts, Gamestops, and many digital marketplaces. The fact that they were officially deemed heinous by the ESRB was not taken lightly. But any other game earning a lesser rating that does not gain national news attention for one reason or another? ‘Eh… must not be so bad’ echo the thoughts of most people. This acceptance assures that any game can be easily accessed by anyone. Even though I have gamed most of my life and view video games as a burgeoning artistic medium, there is a part of my brain that is conditioned to think of them as “just toys for kids”. And the games’ industry benefits from this social perception, both from myself, other gamers, and the world at large.

          To illustrate, there were children that I cared for that I allowed to play Saints Row IV, a game series much like GTA. It holds a rating of Mature. Why, if the content was not suitable for them, did I allow them to play it? Because I knew which part of the game they would play. I got their file to a free roaming sandbox portion, showed them how to access a garage for vehicles, change their load outs, and where to shop for clothes and even five years out that’s what they think Saint’s Row is. A fun game to dress up, drive around, and use super powers in. They never got into the story, character development, dialogue, and the bulk of what makes the game mature. They had similar play habits in similar, yet more kid-friendly, titles such as the Lego video games.

          But let us say that one finds my actions with the children appalling. That my supervision was not enough. That my foreknowledge of the the game itself and the playing behaviors of the children was negligent. That I was not a dutiful parental figure. And so we make our Grand Theft Auto, Fortnite, Call of Duty, and other questionably violent game series Adult Only. If your aim is to limit access to the games, it does nothing. It just means that sales of these games migrate from physical to online.

          If re-rating games would do no good, why not take other measures? Perhaps ban games like GTA from being brought to completion in the first place? On the one hand, the Video Game Lobby would push to counter these efforts. As I pointed out, it generates too much money to be written off. On the other, remember the digital marketplaces I mentioned? Even now independent creators make games and post them without ESRB sanctioning. Some companies and platform holders (e.g. Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony)are more exacting when it comes to quality control. Without an ESRB rating, these companies will not allow games to be sold on, through, and for their platform(s). And while the PC market has checks and balances, they are comparatively lax. Some of the most heinous “games” (a term I am using very loosely here) I have ever seen exist in the gutters of Steam. And much like society at large, they thrive in numerous pockets. You take down one and, not only will more just like it take its place, but the original game is likely to be taken down and uploaded again as something else. It’s a whack-a-mole that cannot be won unless you want to take drastic action.

          Now… do I want to see this happen? Do I want more games to be bumped up from Mature to Adults Only? I personally do not care. I am old enough to buy whatever games I wish. But you know what? As ineffectual as I think it would be, and as much evidence as I have seen showing that video games and shootings are unrelated on the whole, I would be willing to abide by a more stringent rating system.

          That said, my abdication comes with one single ongoing condition:

Blame whatever you want, but if you identify a problem, fix the problem.

          I’ve informed you what can be done about video games. If this is where you want to place the fault today… okay. Let’s make games with realistic and gruesomely violent conent harder to access for people who do not have enough external real life experience to contextualize what they are playing. (Ignoring for now how video games aided me in being able to contextualize so much of real life. A discussion for another time.) If, in the wake of another/the next shooter, you are going to point the finger at mental health? Vote for robust healthcare so people get the help they need. Enable that medications are affordable to help keep brain chemistry in check. Improve the quality of life of people so they aren’t driven to violent and deadly outbursts, or perhaps so much medical care to begin with. An ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure and all. Want to blame them being an outlier, racial supremacist and other radical ideologue? Then figure out what lawful measures there are to eliminate them wholly, from the fruit back down to the root. Don’t just denounce them and then tolerate them as they continue to spread hatred and foment terror. Peter denied Jesus Christ three times, but we still regard him as a faithful apostle. Don’t continue to pay lip service by pointing to a problem. Something has to be done at this point, and sooner than later.

As I was finishing up, Facebook reloaded and this was front and center.

          In answer to the question “Do video games increase the potential of violence/mass shooting?” thirty years worth of science and study says no. Additionally, counties that have a larger population of gamers than the United States do not suffer from widespread gun violence. We may not be able to prove the mental soundness of each individual shooter. And things like manifestos and social media profiles can be spoofed if you want to give all sides their due.

          All of these incidents have one common element beyond the shadow of a doubt. All of these killings were perpetrated by people with guns fine tuned to kill a multitude. Even with the current safeguards and measures we have in place, gun violence is still all too common. As what we are doing is not enough, more must be done. Referring back to Trevor Noah, we have to try something. If today it’s my turn with games, that is fine. If, after cutting at every other factor, gun-driven violence is still a problem will it then be time make compromises regarding firearms?

I am willing to Try, Do, and abide to something different in my life and industry to make the America safer.

Are you?

Is there any action that can be taken on video games to mitigate gun violence?           An Open Letter to Politicians and any concerned that video games add drastically to the number of incidents of gun violence and mass shootings.

[renaroo]

Wednesday Roundup 26.7.2017

Wow! So I can honestly say that I was ready to finish all these reviews up and post everything yesterday in a timely manner like a good comic fan and then the sleep factor hit me so hard in the head that it left my eyeballs spinning!

…

Anyway so I got real tired yesterday and took a nap, then had a lot of work today which led to this being late. But I like to think for the lack of timely publication, I give you all some higher quality review here this week and…. mostly that’s because nearly every comic gave me a lot to talk about and I mean a lot. There’s some great stuff out this week and before I ramble much more, I think it’s time for us to just get into it!

DC’s Batman Beyond, DC’s Detective Comics, IDW’s Ghostbusters 101, Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur,  Kodansha’s Princess Jellyfish, Image’s Saga, IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Usagi Yojimbo, IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light, DC’s Wonder Woman

DC’s Batman Beyond (2016-present) #10 Dan Jurgens, Bernard Chang, Marcelo Maiolo

Well. You’ve heard it from me here first, folks. I’m dropping a Batman Beyond book. I know, I know. Shocking. I haven’t done that since the last Batman Beyond book, or the Batman Beyond book before that. It’s just astounding how bad DC is at capitalizing on what made one of their properties not just one of the most successful series it had out at the time, but literally my favorite animated series that they every produced.

Jurgens’ Batman Beyond in a weird way was always doomed to not capture the magic of the original series because, for one, Jurgens was one of the most enthusiastic people about the awful crossover event Futures End that spawned the New52’s Batman Beyond series to begin with, a series that pretty much focused around the murder of an unproven Terry McGinnis, and then he spent a few years writing a Batman Beyond book that did not involve Terry at all, centering around Tim Drake as Batman instead, and missing the point with just about every supporting character in Terry’s world.

So I was always probably going to subscribe to this book out of nostalgia rather than hopefulness that the creative teams loved Beyond for all the reasons I did, but I have been surprised by just how much in this second arc that Jurgens and company seemed determined to strangle any vitality from the series with a noose of continuity they weaved themselves.

Not only are they wanting me and other readers who love the Batboys enough to buy a comic based on an early 2000s Batman cartoon, but they also want me and others to accept that this continuity is the same continuity that the current comics are in including the excellent Robin: Son of Batman series which, more than any other series, proves that Damian has more than outgrown his honoring of the al Ghul bloodline and is a hero of his own making and in his own subtle way makes countless sacrifices even as a child to keep these things going. And then I’m supposed to buy that he becomes the next Demon’s Head, mostly out of jealousy for a new adopted brother, and is now going to blow up the world even though he… already watched the Brother Eye apocalypse happen.

And yes. That is what they are saying because Jurgens bothered to bring Goliath in… and have AI-crazed Terry strangle a beloved fluffy Bat-Dragon to death with a chain (that he doesn’t even wear anymore in real continuity but whatever obviously my point is that this series is a middle finger to continuity).

Once again, DC has taken something hopeful and unique and beloved and turned it convoluted, unnecessarily unpleasant, and without any foreseeable joy.

There’s one issue left to this arc, so I do have a debate on whether or not I want to take up the next issue and at least complete the story or just stop cold turkey now and…. honestly? I’m not even interested anymore in how this story is going to end so. Probably the first.

DC’s Detective Comics (2016-present) #961 James Tynion IV, Alvaro Martinez, Raul Fernandez, Brad Anderson

So. I guess we’re… just at the point where it’s accepted that Cassandra is mostly monosyllabic except for when she decides to deliver perfect Shakespearean quotes. That’s a thing that we’re just… gonna take for granted now I guess. Was this built up to. is this truly a good thing for her character. Who knows because she got a focal story in another arc, guys, we can’t dive too deep on it anymore!

And I guess Kate and Bruce are following the previous continuity’s grand tradition of doing nothing themselves with helping Cass learn to read, write, and evolve her vocabulary. We’ll just… keep supplying her with crimefighting costumes and not worry about the fact that she’s collecting trash and living in the attic of a ballet studio like the freaking Phantom of the Opera complete with a literal Christine.

But. Believe it or not (and for me it’s hard to believe) this is not entirely a book judged on the merits of its Cass. Which is good for it because while not the worst thing ever in that regard, it continuously raises its own expectations and then fails to meet them. No, I need to evaluate how the rest of this story goes because it is, at the end of the day, an ensemble book.

Azrael is taking over Jean Paul and Luke who is his best friend, no homo (for now), has the solution of bringing back the literal embodiment of terrible Batman fashion choices of the 90s but without the full ZUR-EN-ARRH-esque color scheme. Because the solution to any evil suit is an evil suit. And yet they STILL won’t give Cass a decent costume— sorry, sorry, no more about Cass.

Bruce and Zatanna’s moments and history is sweet but we’re like… back at the drawing board when it comes to invasive mind control/memory erasure procedures in the DCU which has never been a good thing and worked to DC’s benefit so I’m still not sure why we go down this road.

That being said, Kate got a few fun lines, and I do appreciate that Jean Paul’s plight is at least sympathetic to him especially since he’s always had the undertones of mental illness. And I’m genuinely invested in how all this works out and why Bruce magically (heh) knows he needs Zee and the weird orb’s help to stop whatever BS Ra’s is up to.

IDW’s Ghostbusters 101 (2017-present) #5 Erik Burnham, Dan Schoening, Luis Antonio Delgado

We’re getting incredibly close to this series ending and honestly that makes me a little sad. As much as I like all of the IDW Ghostbusters universe they’ve built, it’s been a whole other pleasure seeing the 2016 cast of Ghostbusters get to show their stuff and even work off the criticisms I’ve held of the way the movie last year handled them and their characters.

But this issue did something even more special, at least in my mind. It was determined to give us a moment between Abbey and Erin specifically that addressed the inadequacies and fears a lot of fans of the 2016 movie have felt in the wake of its tumultuous response from the general Ghostbusters fandom. Which again is something I never really understood even as someone who loves Ghostbusters as much and as unapologetically as I do because there are so many other things since the 80s that have been done with that original movie that could be pointed to as “selling out”, the only different between any of them and the movie last year was the all female cast. But whatever.

The fact is, especially with IDW, you can have your cake and eat it too. Everyone can be Ghostbusters, there’s a whole damn Ghostbusters multiverse that includes freaking Caddyshack just because Bill Murray was also starring in it. And you know what? I love that. I love that media’s at a point where we can love two different takes of the same thing for wildly different reasons, even if we default to one more than the other. That’s something we’re allowed to do.

And Turnham and Schoening just do their stuff, proving to be wildly creative while at the same time understanding all of these characters far more than almost any fans of Ghostbusters before them. And I love it.

Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur (2015-present) #21 Brandon Montclare, Natacha Bustos, Tamra Bonvillain

I read a fair number of child-age comic books for a few reasons. I find them particularly important for growing the next reader base because there’s no better way to get people into comics than having them grow up with comics (as I like to think of myself as being a shining example of). Another reason is that I have a lot of people in my life, specifically friends and relatives, with young children who are very interested in reading comic books because of the saturation of superheroes and other comic franchises in the world right now but are themselves not comic book fans so aren’t sure what to get for their kids.

As a result, I personally have given out comics like Scooby-Doo Team-Up, Princeless, Young Justice, and, of course, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur out to many of the children in my life and have been very happy to read along with them.

And honestly, none of them are as engaging both for me and for the children in my life as Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur is. The stories are simple, but the emotions are complex without being unreliable to children. They recognize the relationships between Lunella, her parents, her friends, and especially with Devil and even when they’re in different dimensions, kids know that the emotions that carry from one adventure to the next is what makes them happy to read. Which is why even in a kid’s comic we get cut aways to the family life without Lunella even there and aren’t afraid of losing the attention of the kids.

It’s a great comic that uses color and themes in ways that are truly unique to the age group its aimed for and also make it a joyful break from my usual Wednesday comics fare.

If this book isn’t something you want to read on your own, I really encourage you to at least share it with some of the children in your life because it’s truly something special.

Kodansha’s Princess Jellyfish (2008-present) Chapter 83 Akiko Higashimura

Higashimura continues to baffle me by defying all the expectations I hold for how a medium can handle women’s rights, LGBT issues, and mental illness all at once. And it’s one of the most relaxing yet fulfilling reads I have every time it comes out. 

This time around we’re still knee deep in the drama unfolding with Tsukimi’s new line of dresses (I can’t begin to explain how astounding it is that a comic is making me feel things for the fashion industry as a plot point at all), but mostly this issue gives us a lot of calm reflection and character interaction more than anything else. 

Tsukimi has very subtly grown into her own over the 83 chapters, and it was never change she needed but confidence, and the ability to express herself in ways she never realized she needed. 

We also got the ever deepening and ever important relationship between the brothers, Kuranosuke and Shu, both still pining for Tsukimi but both still each other’s greatest support in the raw environment their family has given them emotionally and the difficulties of their current situation with Tsukimi and the Nunnery. I thought it was fascinating that Shu remarked that his dream would be to one day live together with Kuranosuke and Tsukimi, even if it wasn’t romantically. Just having a home and a family he loves as much as them all together. That’s... such an oddly millennial goal and it really resonates with me. Romance isn’t truly the objective, companionship and valuing people are.

We also get more drama unfolding, which involved Kuranosuke’s unintentional outing. We’ll have to see how this storyline is handled coming up in future chapters, but I have faith in Higashimura and in Princess Jellyfish. 

Image’s Saga (2011-present) #45 Fiona Staples, Brian K. Vaughn

Saga is, impressively and unconventionally, Saga. This comic book is such an unreal read, such an unexpected gem that it’s hard to really quantify it compared to other monthly comics because, well, it doesn’t feel like other monthly comics. Not just because of the breaks between chapters, but because more than any comic I’ve ever read before it, Saga manages to live up to the name of being a complete and total immersion into the long story that follows all the lives of its gigantic cast.

It’s really difficult to explain what Saga has done for comics just yet, really. The expectations are higher, the question of mature content in opposition to “adult” content feels like it’s being completely flayed and laid alive for us all to posture on.

The comic is just something else, and I really wish there were better ways for me to fully dive into just why it is such a gigantic deal for comic readers to have so much quality available to them.

Saga’s not perfect, but it’s one of the most experimental and surreal experiences that edges damn close to that ambition to be perfect, and right now it’s the kind of story I really really need.

IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2011-present) #72 Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Dave Wachter, Ronda Pattison

It’s time for my monthly fawning over the IDW experiment that is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and failing to fully encapsulate just how much my mind is blown over how much this series has managed to incorporate every part of every beloved series of the franchise while still amazing everyone with its unique storytelling, much loved subversions of various genres, and ability to still hold true to the dynamic that has made this series so beloved to begin with.

I just genuinely wouldn’t have believed, if you told me years ago, that this series would do all that while also weaving in its world’s own very unique, very unexpected mythology. Not mythology in the sense of greater TMNT canon, I mean mythology in that it has its own pantheon of original godhead figures from around the world that weave into the histories of the characters we know and love and build the world out even more.

I’ve talked before, at least in part, about how each of the turtles’ personalities and personal interests lends the whole franchise the ability to deal with different comic book staple genres. Mikey’s interests make them superheroes, Don’s personality and ingenuity make them sci-fi figures, Leo’s stalwart interests in family and honor make them ninja, and Raph’s high emotions and tendency toward fighting authority and also falling into tumultuous love lives makes them teenage dramas.

And I think it’s telling that each time the IDW comics focus on any one of those genres, the corresponding turtle tends to take the lead of the story. But here we have something unique. High fantasy and mythological epics is something that — for all their magical tampering and run ins — has never been the central focus of the turtles’ stories. It’s usually tied into one of the above mentioned genres more than anything else, and this mythologizing started very similarly, growing out of Kitsune and Japanese lore first in a storyline that was, very much, the IDW’s series most Leo-heavy storyline “City Fall.”

This broader focus on fantasy really makes it more clear that this is a purely new IDW take, and that none of the turtles are taking focus here, but rather the family they have made for themselves — the Hamato Clan — are center stage to take on something that’s bigger than any one of them individually could be.

It’s interesting though. We borrow from so many different Ninja Turtle continuities and this “Father Dragon” that the Immortals refer to really only reminds me of… one villain from the TMNT’s past…

And while the main four aren’t magical… they did once… have a fifth turtle… who… was a shaman… who fought that dragon…

Hm.

Naaaahhhhhhhh.

IDW’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Usagi Yojimbo (2017) Stan Sakai, Tom Luth

Okay so, I have actually been looking forward to this crossover for a while because if you’ve been following my blog for long you know that I am a real shellhead at heart and just adore every version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles even to my greatest fault, and I also am just a huge fan of and greatly admire the masterpiece that I consider Stan Sakai’s Usagi Yojimbo to be, and the fun, loving, mutual relationship that both works have shown for each other throughout the decades and how TMNT has honestly gone out of its way to continue to keep Usagi in the public’s eye beyond the diehard comic readers who already would know of him is something I truly enjoy.

And while this isn’t as bombastic and fun as the last big crossover they head, well, ages ago in all honesty, over in the Usagi Yojimbo comics, this was a fun adventure that is meant to introduce IDW fans to the Usagi Yojimbo canon.

There are lots of interesting bits to this crossover, like the revelation that of the IDW turtles Mikey is the only one fluent in Japanese, which I find strange, the fact that Usagi considers himself and Leo to be good friends and his confusion and upset at being attacked by him, and just the fact that … well I guess Usagi’s greatest nemesis, Jei the demon, is just wandering around the countryside now without his precious niece. And also that this is like… Jei Prime as opposed to the current Jei.

Basically the continuity is a mess here for both franchises but it’s a purely enjoyable mess and I can write off a lot of it being that Sakai is known for not always using a linear storyline to tell the stories he wants to. We’re talking about a series that had a crossover with feudal War of the Worlds because why not.

In any case, I found this comic enjoyable, and while I think the coloring was a compromise between the very elaborate coloring that the TMNT books get and the simple black-and-white of Usagi Yojimbo’s normal titles, seeing a crossover by Sakai and Luth themselves without the classic black and white kind of makes me appreciate the simple beauty from their usual style. But that’s perhaps just me.

Now, this is a costly comic, far more expensive than any comic I usually buy, and my justification for it was I want to support IDW reaching out to other creators and other properties more, especially someone as important yet as underrepresented in comics as Stan Sakai, but I absolutely understand that being a much harder sell for other comic readers. So use your money as you see best, guys!

IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light (2016-present) #8 James Roberts, Priscilla Tramontano, Joana Lafuente

People have incredibly high expectations for the IDW books and it’s not without reason. For the last several years they have provided some of the most consistent quality, diversified and reconnected the canons of much beloved decades long franchises, and have also managed to keep refreshingly new and experimental without straying from content. But I have to say, that this is the issue of Lost Light that has me feeling like I did when I first discovered More Than Meets the Eye myself a while back and re-submerged myself into the Transformers lore.

And not only is that a pretty impressive feat, it was a feat accomplished purely through the value of the characters which this book has provided us. Anode, Lug, Velocity, and Nautica would not exist without this book and the relationships, the diversity, and the love which they bring along with them are purely thanks to the creative team and to IDW for allowing what was once one of the most aggressively masculine toy commercials in the world to become something greatly new and unexpected.

I love this book, and I love the way I can be at the edge of my seat for a book that’s 90% four lady robots walking around a flea market.

I have been curious, given the track record of popular characters not staying dead in the series, if or how Skids could be returning but I have to say, that ending was… wow. Horrifying and surprising to say the very least.

And why are blacksmiths being targeted!? There’s so much great stuff going  on.

Also how pissed is Rodimus going to be that they’ve been gone for basically one day on their trip to find the Knights of Cyberutopia and they’re already sidetracked by his crew not obeying orders. I’m fucking dead I can’t even. I look forward to that explosion.

DC’s Wonder Woman (2016-present) #27 Shea Fontana, Mirka Andolfo, Romulo Fajardo Jr.

I won’t lie, this was a particularly weak opening for a new creative team. Not necessarily substantively, but as far as developing a new villain and trying to wrap things up within two issues. I’m not sure if that sort of introduction was the wisest, planning wise, after Rucka’s tightly knitted together, year-long double epic, regardless of my criticisms of it. There is definitely a sense of less grandeur here and… honestly wondering how this will impact the rest of Diana’s narrative at all.

This minor, minor character within the span of two issues was introduced, shown to be evil due to shitty American healthcare systems (which is… unfortunate bc I am definitely feeling crushed by healthcare atm), and then… without any real warning kills herself after revealing she feels hopeless about her terminal diagnosis.

Basically there wasn’t very much joy to be had in the conclusion of this thing despite the HARD left turn the tonal shift took at the end with Diana planning to eat cookies and enjoy watching Friends with Etta. I mean, I love my girls and I love how much emphasis these two issues put on their friendship but… #toosoon?

I mean. Speaking as someone who was kicked off her healthcare recently for preexisting conditions, there’s some real disconnect between showing someone literally killing herself due to a lack of health coverage or research for her illness let alone having no money after her mother died of the same genetic disorder bc America, and then shifting immediately to Etta who has what we must assume is government health insurance covering her as she has a nice hospital room to herself. I mean. Two years ago I stayed with my mother after she donated her kidney to my uncle and uhhh they did not have such nice accommodations and we were at one of the best hospitals in the country.

Basically this is… weak sauce for a Wondy story to introduce us to the creative team and… kinda really tone deaf for those of us who are kinda struggling for these same reasons.

There’s also the matter of the flashbacks to the Amazons that Di keeps having. Nothing too alarming just yet, but it definitely seems that we’re striking a harder edge to their interpretation than Rucka’s and that always puts me a bit uneasy because people are so bad at giving the Amazons their due justice. I’ll reserve judgment for later because I want to be fair to Fontana but I’m wary.

That being said, I am grateful for a shorter wrap up and a story that seemed more down to Earth with Diana’s every day life after having a whole year of grand arcs and epics even if this particular story had some squick and reservations for me. And I’m really hoping for this team to prove themselves because it’s still such a rare thing to have a female-led creative team helm the most important female superhero icon and I’m hoping we’re starting to see a shift in that.

So it’s time for that pick of the week portion, the part that no one really cares about and yet consistently seems to get the most commentary of all the stuff. That’s fine. Nothing wrong with that, I just think it’s funny. And now I’m also postponing. And while this had a lot of great comics competing this week, I have to take my hat off to Transformers: Lost Light this week. There was just so much good wrapped up in this comic and it is hard to compete with this creative team when they’re firing on all cylinders. It really is one of the best, most unique comics to come out of IDW, and if you read the reviews just for this week alone then you know that that is quite a statement coming from me. 

But those are just my choices! What did you think about this week’s comics? Think I missed something I should’ve picked up? I’d love to hear from you.

Once again, before I end entirely, I’d like to ask that if you’re interested in helping me out with making more time for content like my reviews, and for access to reviews in the future which won’t be hosted on this blog like my in progress review of Spider-Man Homecoming (2017), please help me and my aspiring start up comic career by contributing to my Patreon! I couldn’t thank you enough for the help.

Please become my patron on patreon for more alliterative begging like this!

[pensurfing]

Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish. 

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.” 

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client. 

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year: 

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.” 

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell? 

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled. 

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons 

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.) 

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives. 

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it. 

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE. 

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

[vaguelycloseted]

TW:mentions of suicide and related topics

today was good. i finally got around to actively drawing. just a bunch of a random basic emoticon style faces. i cant draw anything beyond that, but it felt nice expressing emotion. the boy im talking to went to sleep at 7 am, i tried to stay up to continue talking to him but i crashed around 5 am. not too much development at least we are flirting, so yay! its really weird life in general now, nothing is going back to the same. other than that things feel brightly dark. blah blah blah... im being melodramatic. i started to listen to music like actually again. actively listening allowing myself to focus down to just the music. thats my form of meditation. i actually decided to eat today, i had three large bowls of honey bunches of oats, a sandwich and two yogurts. i forgot to mention earlier that he keeps leaving me on read. so thats pretty sad i guess. i have never really been in a situation like these before where i want to just be the beauty in someones eye. it feels weird, like proper body reactions with hormones and butterflies in my stomach. i never realized how much being left on read hurt ig, im bout to cry. i sound insane, i just feel happy and i dont want to lose that. i understand that im talking into the void but id rather post this online where some interaction might happen. im mostly just ranting and trying to get everything out of my clogged brain. i have become the epitome of listening to sad shit when sad, i used to blast psychedelic rock and cry. now its sad shit under my blanket crying. im ngl as i write this im looking in at myself and wondering why i thought i could get anywhere with him. i was just being a stupid optimist. this might all go back to my first attempt when i was like 9, its 8 years later and since then i tried 3 more times. THIS HAPPINESS HURTS. ive been chronically depressed for years. as i kid i only ever had one aspiration be darth vader. yeah that was what i wanted to be as a kid. then after one day i was told that was stupid i just kinda shut that down. i never fully realized after that what i wanted to do. it changed year after year and ive finally found it. fashion school, i keep getting lured back to the fun that is art ya know. but something would always deject me away from it. then i discovered another form my freshman year, that being woodworking. especially after my art teacher pulled a half finished piece off the rack and off a board and said this isnt real art. that fucked me up but the one thing i could count on was when i would finish a project in woodshop and be told good job, and great work. validation, the thing i always strived for. my woodshop teacher is a great man who saw potential and helped with expressing that potential. another great teacher i had was my poli sci teacher and model un advisor. he stopped me once from offing myself. he gave me hope that i could get somewhere, he believed in the fuck up. somehow failing his way up, he also saw potential and he helped me express it as well. this sounds weird but what im trying to say is that two of my greatest inspirations gave me validation for work that i tried my best on that wasnt thag great but it was what worked. you never realize how much you hate yourself until you grade yourself in one class over 4 years. i reached the point where i notice how well my work has improved and my attitude towards myself has. im still depressed but i hate myself less, i no longer hate my body as much as i did, thats really it. i still look like a rectangle with long ass limbs but thats fine with me. im fine with who am i mostly. at this point im comfortable with my sexuality in the sense that im fine with it. i understand myself now. im not going to come out to family yet. i know they are accepting but they are still slightly off about stuff. i love them to bits but im not ready. my mom probably already knows because its my mom, i dont know how to describe it. that’s it for today’s post i might post some cool pictures i took.

[growingupguidepup]

Adventures in Puppy Raising - Part 2

We worked out a plan that the nights the doctor and I were both scheduled to work I would bring Penny with me. If we had time to fit her in we would, and if not she would get pushed back to the next possible evening. Well, we managed to get her done on the second night we tried. I worked my normal shift from 4:00 pm until midnight, and then we started prepping Penny for surgery. Lucky for Penny, my coworker Angela was also on. Penny absolutely loves her and is very comfortable with her. This made getting Penny prepped a lot easier on her.

When we realized that we would have time to do Penny’s surgery I slipped her an oral anti-anxiety medication to help her relax. It was enough to keep Penny relaxed enough for me to give her an injectable sedative and pain medication combo—we do this with all of our patients before surgery. It allows us to keep the level of the gas anesthesia lower during the surgery. It also made it a lot easier for us to draw a blood sample to run and place an IV line and in Penny.

Penny under the influence of a sedative before surgery.

That night I also weighed her, a needed step to be able to calculate appropriate drug doses for her. She was six pounds less than the last time I weighed her. The weight loss made sense, since she had missed a few meals or didn’t finish eating all her food offered in the last few weeks. But it was a little concerning that a still-growing puppy had lost that much weight. It was also another sign that Penny was dealing with more than just teenage rebellion and testing me.

Once her IV was going and we ran a quick blood panel on her we induced her with an injectable anesthetic, placed a breathing tube in her, and maintained her on gas anesthesia. We shaved her belly, scrubbed her, and moved her into our surgery suite.

Penny did really well in surgery and we were able to not only spay her but do a stomach pexy. This pexy is a procedure done to keep her stomach from flipping if she were ever to bloat in the future; if that happened she would need emergency lifesaving surgery. Being a very large breed dog increases the possibility of this condition happening to her. It is still a serious condition, but the treatment for it will not be as invasive, her recovery will be a lot faster, and a lot less expensive. She also had her rear dew claws removed. Not every dog is born with rear dew claws, and unlike front dew claws the rear ones are often not fully attached by bone, but by mostly cartilage. Because of this they tend to be “floppy” and can easily get caught on things and torn. It is a very easy procedure to remove them and many dogs get them removed when they are spayed or neutered. I also took the opportunity while Penny was under anesthesia to X-ray her hips and elbows, just to check for any signs of dysplasia. If Penny is going to be a working service dog, she needs to be clear of any dysplasia. Having German Shepherd in her genes it was a good idea to do a preliminary check, since that breed is prone to both hip and elbow dysplasia. So far Penny is looking clear of both. She will need X-rays again at around two years old to be positive.

Penny on the surgery table as Amie assists the doctor.

Upon removing her uterus, it was discovered that it was slightly enlarged, either still from the false pregnancy or possibly preparing for another heat cycle. Just another indicator of why her behavior was still off and possibly hormone related.

It took about two hours to complete all of Penny’s treatments. She woke up from everything really calmly and she soon went back to sleep comfortably. We kept her on some strong pain medication and I even placed a pain patch that would keep a constant level of pain medication to keep her comfortable for the first few days after surgery. I stayed right next to her, and even took a short nap with her until she was awake enough to realize where she was.

Amie resting next to Penny as she wakes up from her surgery.

A little after 7:00 am I left the clinic to go home and sleep for a few hours as I was scheduled to work again at 3:00 pm. At this point I had been up for almost 24 hours and was getting really tired. I left Penny at the clinic as she was not quite ready to go home with me. She was not really wanting to walk and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised while I slept.

When I arrived back for my shift Penny was very happy to see me. She had been a good girl for the day staff. I was very happy to hear that she wasn’t afraid of them and was very cooperative.

During her surgery recovery we did keep her on a mild anti-anxiety medication to help keep her calm. She needed to stay quiet: no running, jumping, or hard playing, just out to potty only for ten days. This was a little hard for her, but she managed okay. I didn’t trust her not to chew her skin staples out when not directly supervised. The first night home, I put a collar on her to prevent her from getting to her staples and the bandages that were on her back feet. She was terrified by the collar. She sat on her bed frozen and trembling for almost 30 minutes before she would lay down and go to sleep. She did adjust, but she hated the collar. I was able to find her a post-operative suit that would completely cover her spay incision so she couldn’t lick or chew at it. And as long as I kept her rear feet bandaged she left those alone as well. She was a very good patient and allowed me to change her bandages and check her belly daily. She even allowed me to remove all the skin staples by myself when it came time to do so.

When Penny was healed up enough to do short outings and exercise, she was very excited. She was so happy to be able to run and play again. She even seemed excited to go to the store with me again, but she was still constantly looking over her shoulder and uncomfortable with certain people passing us. She still wasn’t herself yet.

Now, it can take multiple weeks and up to multiple months for certain hormones to fully leave the body, so it wasn’t surprising that Penny didn’t go back to her normal self right away. She still seemed a little lost. She was still nervous out in public and refusing to take treats at times. She was still struggling to walk without pulling and being easily distracted.

It was time to see if we could help Penny return to herself again. I decided to try an alternative approach and set Penny up with an appointment with a holistic veterinarian. We met with the new vet and started some herbal supplements to help hormone imbalance and we gave acupuncture a try. But once again she was weighed and she had lost another two pounds in the two and a half weeks since her spay surgery. She had been eating well, but evidently not enough.

We started seeing positive results the day after her first treatment. She started to regain her focus on walks again. She was still easily distracted but able to refocus for the first time in weeks. Along with this treatment plan we did our best to decrease her stress level as well.

Penny relaxing during her acupuncture treatment.

We had plans to travel to the Vancouver Webfest, but Penny wasn’t ready to do a trip like that so we stayed home. I still had the time off work so I took this opportunity to spend it with Penny and see if we could make progress together. This time was well spent. We took short outings every day to different places like malls, different stores, and walks by herself. Each day I saw a little improvement. She was eager to go out, excited to earn food rewards, even looking to do short training sessions, eating all the food offered to her at meal times, refocused, and a lot calmer. I even stopped by my work and my coworkers noticed a difference in her.

We finished Penny’s second acupuncture treatment just before I started writing this blog. She has gained back four of the eight pounds she had lost and is eating great every day. She is still nervous and not trusting of certain people, but it is variable. Some people she will walk right up to and others she will back away from and look over her shoulder until she is sure that they are not following us. This is still a work in progress and we will continue to watch her on this. We have had several very successful outings with Penny so I feel like we are making progress in the right direction with her.

However her future as a service dog is still up in the air as some of her recent behavior has not exactly been service dog caliber. I have always said that puppy raising is a bit of a roller coaster ride with ups and downs. Penny has regressed a lot over the last few months, but sometimes you need to take a few steps backwards to move forward. Going through a heat cycle, false pregnancy, major surgery, and possibly getting ready to go back into a heat cycle has taken its toll on Penny. It’s a lot for any puppy to go through, especially a such a sensitive one like Penny. We are taking things slowly with Penny at the moment and doing everything we can think of to see if we can get her back to the puppy she was before all the changes in her life. Only time will tell if these behavioral changes were caused by the hormone change or if this is the dog she is maturing into or maybe a little of both. We are paying very close attention to what Penny is doing and saying to us and will be working with Brigadoon on making decisions on what is best for her.

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at: service dog, service dog law, service dog etiquette, service dog puppy raiser, guide dog.

[hcnnibal]

How long does it usually take for you to finish a piece of artwork?

varies quite a bit, quickest is probably like 2-3 hrs, some pieces take a couple of days, comic pages generally take anywhere between a couple of days to a week or two

[ryudrawingblindofficial]

Guys here is a master post of all My Children.

https://ryudrawingblindofficial.tumblr.com/OCsandchildren

     Undertale based kids.

Blurr!Sans and Pop!dog:

Blurr is from Abletale and is completely blind.   The only acceptation to this is Pop is Familiar and friend.  When Pop wears a special collar he provides Blurr with an understanding on what is around him.  Blurr has sight magic but with created with no eye sockets, so he wears a blindfold over his face with a matching soul that links to Pop.

Blurr’s very protective of his baby brother Shy!Papyrus and with Pop’s help wont hesitate to show you a bad time.

Blur has a calm personality.  He is meant to guard the gate to the one of the two barriers.  The other is guarded by the Queen

Un-available for shipping!

~~~~~

Tilted (Tilt!Sans) Blood:

A bad Sans From SteampunkTale and airship captain, whose soul has been Corrupted by a virus called “Blood Boil”.  His face became horribly damaged after running from a village, and he took the fur and soul of a bunny monster who was trying to befriend him.  He stuck the fur to one part of his face and eat her soul.  This fused the fur to him and numbed that pain he was in.  he has since learned that he needs pain medication to live a normal life with minimal pain.  He also eats souls in order to gain LV.

In a sorta relationship with Salem (@proxypuff)

~~~~~

Divine (Cupcake * @nekophy * and Drago * @proxypuff * child.)

Divine is a quiet timid healer.  She spends most her time with her Brother Ixyai (@proxypuff) or otter she calls him.  As a child she couldn’t control her ability and she nearly went insane from reading others memories and feelings.  She was sent away twice.  Once to train under Dream, but when that resulted in a very scary night of her hiding in the woods to try and get some sleep, she was sent to Lady Life in Reapertale.  She now wears a pendent that keeps her ability at bay.

She is most commonly the one to give up everything even her own happiness for the happiness of others.  She can’t stand violence and would rather try and save the un-saveable.

Dating!

~~~~~

Forgotten (and lost):

An abused child wondering a city looking for his mother.

(Story in progress.)

DO NOT SHIP!!!

~~~~~

Walker (Hacker):

The second child to FATHER and Snow (@proxypuff).  He has always been FATHERs favorite until now.  Walker currently lives in a cave hiding away from his CREATOR and is unaware Snow exists.  Walker mostly talks to Proxy over all his other brothers.  To his knowledge all the others think he is still working for FATHER.

In a Relationship with Hebi AKA Charmer  (@shu-draw)

~~~~~

Vapor AKA Vape (A Quarrel * @thepleasantjellybean * and Anarchy * @proxypuff * Child):

A smoke puffing reaper.  He loves working in Reapertale with his mother and grandfather.  His favorite thing to do with his father is travel and write books based on AUs.  Vapor can puff out vapor from his mouth and nose that is just simply magic.

Available for shipping!

~~~~~

Acid (Genocide)

The sister of Snow (@proxypuff)

Acid is a living embodiment of all genocide routes in and around the AU’s and the many timelines they create.

Acids favorite thing to do in mess with monsters.  She is very sexually promiscuous.  She has no mind rubbing herself up on any monster or human she chooses.  She sometimes uses this to cause fights.  Her lack of a moral compass seems to be her biggest folly.

Available for shipping!  (Also is open to Experiences.  Ask if you want to know. )

~~~~~

Pokemon based kids.

Richie (Low IV'ed Eevee)

An Eevee at lv 1 he was hatched with the worst IV’s and EV’s so the trainer that hatched him just tossed him out.  He has grown to dislike trainers and vowed to stop them from catching a Pokemon if he can stop it.  He is still a baby and currently is cared for by a Chansey Name Karry.  His best friend is a Riolu named Angel

Un-available for shipping!

~~~~~

MY LITTLE PONY characters

Laser Sight (Fallout Equestria)

The last of a recon team to see if the surface was safe to live on, Laser lost his entire teal to a Raider nest.  He himself was injured really badly.  They removed his Cutie mark, along with a few other injuries.  

Once he was free, Laser wondered the Wastes looking for those he could help, as a way to fill a promise he man to a Marefriend.

Laser is soon followed by the leader of the Raiders who had just freed him.   Nirvana is a huge distraction and is a constant reminder of how deprived the Wastes can be.

The two become travel companions and begin the journey to find the old city of Canterlot.

It doesn’t take to long before new thoughts and feeling creep up on Laser.

Un-available for shipping!

~~~~~

FlameStream

Flame Stream is a pony born to be able to handle extreme weathers.  He is the soul researcher on dragons.  He takes care of a baby dragon named Rascal.  Flame’s closest friend is Misfit Pon (@proxypuff)

I may release a story based on him.

Un-available for shipping!

Rascal (Baby Dragon)

Flame Stream’s baby dragon friend.  Still an infant and learning how to walk and talk.

~~~~~

Tucker (MoonColt)  ((COMING SOON!))

~~~~~

Halo Star AKA Lady Heart :

Halo star is a PonySona of myself.  Because I’m legally blind she is too.  She was what I made my YT vids with.  

She can’t fly, but can hover for up to one minute before her wings hurt to much and she has to land.

Her cutie mark is a heart with a halo over the right side.  it resembles her kind nature to anypony.

Avalible for shipping!

~~~~~

Origanal characters.

Ryu The Blind Cat (Tumblr OC) :

Ryu the cat is commonly Sassy. He is totally blind in his left eye, and has no feeling in his right ear.  He lives in a large space with many doors.  He is the only one who knows where the different doors lead to. Each door is a different Galaxy (fandom) he likes traveling to.

Ryu’s companion in his house is the Flying ask box that he can control freely.  He sends “Asky” to any of the others if he doesn’t want to answer anything.

Ryu is in a Relationship with ProxyPuff

~~~~~

Ryu the Halfer (AKA Kenji):

Story : Fangs and Tails.

Ryu has no feeling in his Right ear no after what has happened to him.  He hides his ears and tail in public.  He would rather stay in his top floor apartment of the building he owns.  Ryu normally only comes out to lay in the fresh cut grass in the park near his home.

Ryu’s Relationship is with Kumi (@proxypuff)

Ryu’s story.

    Ryu,was first born with the name Shin,  He can’t tell what year or what day he was born in, but he remembers a bitter cold that nothing but a dead of winter could make.  His heightened senses can recall a scent of fire, The warming touch of a human body and the the cooing sound of a woman.

    Ryu living with a woman he vaguely remembers calling mommy.  Her touch and her scent linger in his memory along with his earliest happy memory, and his most disturbing memory.  Ryu was never allowed to remove his hat, or wear shorts that did not conceal his tail.  He was never advised by his mother the reasons behind the concealment.

      Two days before Christmas Ryu sat with his mother as she began to make dinner.  His mother had just finished explaining why he was given the name Shin.  “Because you’re my heart.”  She said.  When a man stomped down the door.  “I seek out that child of yours.”  He called to Ryu’s mom.  “I hear you have a black half-child.  Give it up!”  Ryu ran to hide from the site, his mother screaming at him all the while to never look back.  “I’ll find you Shin!  Just hide!”

     Ryu ran and hid in a car.  He cried himself to sleep that night.  Waking up later, Ryu found himself in a locked room.  He yelled for hours before a tall young man walked in with another slightly older man who appeared well dressed.  “What’s your name?”  The well dressed man asked.  

      “Shin, will you help me find my mother.”  Ryu asked.       “Does she have your hair?”  Asked the younger.       “No, hers is yellow.”  Ryu answered.       The well dressed man handed the other a large bag.  “Well done.”  Was said, before reaching out and grabbing Ryu’s hand.  “Follow me Neko!” The well dressed man said, nearly dragging Ryu along.       Ryu lived as Neko, and became a fast pet.  Placed through a ownership process.  Branded with a tattoo, a lead ring on his right ear, and a collar around his neck.  Though young and in pain through out the whole thing, he was given to his new masters son as a gift for his seventh birthday.  He wasn’t allowed to learn, but secretly taught himself how you write and read some, through his young master Hiroshi.

    As he grew he was treated horribly by his master.  Forced to clean and not wear a shirt ever.  He was leashed in public, and when he disobeyed or blamed for anything the leash was hooked to his lead ring causing him great amounts of pain as he was forced to bow.  He was hit for good measure every now and again. Yet with his young master Hiroshi.  He found someone who would treat him kindly.  Praise him for the good things, teach him things when he messed up. Hiroshi allowed him to become a friend, to be close. He gave him a blanket when he was sick when they got older.  It didn’t take long before he and his young master Hiroshi became more than friends.  Ryu was around thirteen when he and his master was finally caught in each others arms.  

     His master was so mad, but from that point on he kept Ryu locked up and only allowed out for his own personal uses.

    Ryu was fifteen when his young master Hiroshi and a woman came to see him.  They explained that a law was passed back when Ryu was thirteen and it meant he was free.

    “Will you come with me young master?”  Ryu had asked.   Hiroshi smiled at Ryu and kissed his head.  “I’m no longer here Neko, I can’t leave.”  

      Upon closer look Ryu saw it.  His masters body looked so weak, so not like it used to.  “Can I stay with you till then?”  He asked.       “I’d rather you leave, I wouldn’t want you to see this.”  Hiroshi said and smiled.  “All my clothes, and most of my thing I want you to have.  This woman, her name is Minato, she’s a friend of mine.  She’ll take you far away from here.  Where you can live in peace.”  He let a fragile hand rest on Ryu’s cheek.   “Neko you are free to have your own name your own life.”       Ryu cried to the touch and closed his eyes.  “My name will be Ryu.  I’m going to be human someday.”  He said.       “Don’t deny who you are Ryu…”  Hiroshi smiled.  “Dragon, Ryu, it fits you.”       Ryu left that house with Minato to live in a big city.  In Hiroshi’s things Ryu found Manga that taught him what Yaoi was.  He soon learned to draw, and through Minato’s company began to published a manga series.      Ryu only cried once after leaving.  He broke down the day he learned that Hiroshi died.

This Master list can change from time to time if I add more to the master post.

[growingupguidepup]

Adventures in Puppy Raising: Hormones Are a Bitch - Part 2

We worked out a plan that the nights the doctor and I were both scheduled to work I would bring Penny with me. If we had time to fit her in we would, and if not she would get pushed back to the next possible evening. Well, we managed to get her done on the second night we tried. I worked my normal shift from 4:00 pm until midnight, and then we started prepping Penny for surgery. Lucky for Penny, my coworker Angela was also on. Penny absolutely loves her and is very comfortable with her. This made getting Penny prepped a lot easier on her.

When we realized that we would have time to do Penny’s surgery I slipped her an oral anti-anxiety medication to help her relax. It was enough to keep Penny relaxed enough for me to give her an injectable sedative and pain medication combo—we do this with all of our patients before surgery. It allows us to keep the level of the gas anesthesia lower during the surgery. It also made it a lot easier for us to draw a blood sample to run and place an IV line and in Penny.

Penny under the influence of a sedative before surgery.

That night I also weighed her, a needed step to be able to calculate appropriate drug doses for her. She was six pounds less than the last time I weighed her. The weight loss made sense, since she had missed a few meals or didn’t finish eating all her food offered in the last few weeks. But it was a little concerning that a still-growing puppy had lost that much weight. It was also another sign that Penny was dealing with more than just teenage rebellion and testing me.

Once her IV was going and we ran a quick blood panel on her we induced her with an injectable anesthetic, placed a breathing tube in her, and maintained her on gas anesthesia. We shaved her belly, scrubbed her, and moved her into our surgery suite.

Penny did really well in surgery and we were able to not only spay her but do a stomach pexy. This pexy is a procedure done to keep her stomach from flipping if she were ever to bloat in the future; if that happened she would need emergency lifesaving surgery. Being a very large breed dog increases the possibility of this condition happening to her. It is still a serious condition, but the treatment for it will not be as invasive, her recovery will be a lot faster, and a lot less expensive. She also had her rear dew claws removed. Not every dog is born with rear dew claws, and unlike front dew claws the rear ones are often not fully attached by bone, but by mostly cartilage. Because of this they tend to be “floppy” and can easily get caught on things and torn. It is a very easy procedure to remove them and many dogs get them removed when they are spayed or neutered. I also took the opportunity while Penny was under anesthesia to X-ray her hips and elbows, just to check for any signs of dysplasia. If Penny is going to be a working service dog, she needs to be clear of any dysplasia. Having German Shepherd in her genes it was a good idea to do a preliminary check, since that breed is prone to both hip and elbow dysplasia. So far Penny is looking clear of both. She will need X-rays again at around two years old to be positive.

Penny on the surgery table as Amie assists the doctor.

Upon removing her uterus, it was discovered that it was slightly enlarged, either still from the false pregnancy or possibly preparing for another heat cycle. Just another indicator of why her behavior was still off and possibly hormone related.

It took about two hours to complete all of Penny’s treatments. She woke up from everything really calmly and she soon went back to sleep comfortably. We kept her on some strong pain medication and I even placed a pain patch that would keep a constant level of pain medication to keep her comfortable for the first few days after surgery. I stayed right next to her, and even took a short nap with her until she was awake enough to realize where she was.

Amie resting next to Penny as she wakes up from her surgery.

A little after 7:00 am I left the clinic to go home and sleep for a few hours as I was scheduled to work again at 3:00 pm. At this point I had been up for almost 24 hours and was getting really tired. I left Penny at the clinic as she was not quite ready to go home with me. She was not really wanting to walk and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised while I slept.

When I arrived back for my shift Penny was very happy to see me. She had been a good girl for the day staff. I was very happy to hear that she wasn’t afraid of them and was very cooperative.

During her surgery recovery we did keep her on a mild anti-anxiety medication to help keep her calm. She needed to stay quiet: no running, jumping, or hard playing, just out to potty only for ten days. This was a little hard for her, but she managed okay. I didn’t trust her not to chew her skin staples out when not directly supervised. The first night home, I put a collar on her to prevent her from getting to her staples and the bandages that were on her back feet. She was terrified by the collar. She sat on her bed frozen and trembling for almost 30 minutes before she would lay down and go to sleep. She did adjust, but she hated the collar. I was able to find her a post-operative suit that would completely cover her spay incision so she couldn’t lick or chew at it. And as long as I kept her rear feet bandaged she left those alone as well. She was a very good patient and allowed me to change her bandages and check her belly daily. She even allowed me to remove all the skin staples by myself when it came time to do so.

When Penny was healed up enough to do short outings and exercise, she was very excited. She was so happy to be able to run and play again. She even seemed excited to go to the store with me again, but she was still constantly looking over her shoulder and uncomfortable with certain people passing us. She still wasn’t herself yet.

Now, it can take multiple weeks and up to multiple months for certain hormones to fully leave the body, so it wasn’t surprising that Penny didn’t go back to her normal self right away. She still seemed a little lost. She was still nervous out in public and refusing to take treats at times. She was still struggling to walk without pulling and being easily distracted.

It was time to see if we could help Penny return to herself again. I decided to try an alternative approach and set Penny up with an appointment with a holistic veterinarian. We met with the new vet and started some herbal supplements to help hormone imbalance and we gave acupuncture a try. But once again she was weighed and she had lost another two pounds in the two and a half weeks since her spay surgery. She had been eating well, but evidently not enough.

We started seeing positive results the day after her first treatment. She started to regain her focus on walks again. She was still easily distracted but able to refocus for the first time in weeks. Along with this treatment plan we did our best to decrease her stress level as well.

Penny relaxing during her acupuncture treatment.

We had plans to travel to the Vancouver Webfest, but Penny wasn’t ready to do a trip like that so we stayed home. I still had the time off work so I took this opportunity to spend it with Penny and see if we could make progress together. This time was well spent. We took short outings every day to different places like malls, different stores, and walks by herself. Each day I saw a little improvement. She was eager to go out, excited to earn food rewards, even looking to do short training sessions, eating all the food offered to her at meal times, refocused, and a lot calmer. I even stopped by my work and my coworkers noticed a difference in her.

We finished Penny’s second acupuncture treatment just before I started writing this blog. She has gained back four of the eight pounds she had lost and is eating great every day. She is still nervous and not trusting of certain people, but it is variable. Some people she will walk right up to and others she will back away from and look over her shoulder until she is sure that they are not following us. This is still a work in progress and we will continue to watch her on this. We have had several very successful outings with Penny so I feel like we are making progress in the right direction with her.

However her future as a service dog is still up in the air as some of her recent behavior has not exactly been service dog caliber. I have always said that puppy raising is a bit of a roller coaster ride with ups and downs. Penny has regressed a lot over the last few months, but sometimes you need to take a few steps backwards to move forward. Going through a heat cycle, false pregnancy, major surgery, and possibly getting ready to go back into a heat cycle has taken its toll on Penny. It’s a lot for any puppy to go through, especially a such a sensitive one like Penny. We are taking things slowly with Penny at the moment and doing everything we can think of to see if we can get her back to the puppy she was before all the changes in her life. Only time will tell if these behavioral changes were caused by the hormone change or if this is the dog she is maturing into or maybe a little of both. We are paying very close attention to what Penny is doing and saying to us and will be working with Brigadoon on making decisions on what is best for her.

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at puppy in training, assistance dog, ptsd dog, hearing dog, mobility dog